#that's what's important 2 me and i'd rather keep the memory as is than have it tarnished u know?

[cauterisen]

crickets for xiaolin's 20th anniversary from the team/hui but that's fine by me tbh!

[stazsi]

Right time

warnings: break up, mentions of kissing, basically sad shit ex!matt ;(

my notes : okay so this is my first one shot or whatever. i'm not rlly wanting to make it a 2 parter so imma leave this here hehe. :)) ( i'm sorry it's so sad )

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ﾟ✧

it's been 4 weeks since matt and i roughly broke up and he still hasn't stopped trying to contact me.

message after message and tears after tears.

I've always believed in right person, wrong time but if i love him this much why can't i have him now? i don't understand why he can't let go after breaking up with me, so that's why i'm outside his door right now trying to build courage to knock, the floor boards creak inside the house telling me someone's home.

anxiety flowing through my veins as i stand here, the wind flowing against my back giving me chills

knock,knock

..

click.

i straighten my back and look up listening to the the sweet but threatening sound of the lock clicking, reminding myself why i'm even here. i stand frozen staring into them blue eyes i'm used to, just puffier. "hi.." i whisper my voice a little louder than the branches cracking behind me. he stares at me clearly in shock and regret, we haven't seen eachother since the breakup and clearly it shows.

i slowly back up keeping my space, i try to let words escape my mouth but they're stuck in my throat same with my breathing, my stomach swirls and suddenly every body part itches from the sweat. his face goes pale blue with sadness and he slightly moves to the side sweetly inviting me in with no words.

i walk past him his strong cologne infecting my nose, i sit down on the couch and place my bag on the scratched up table. as i look around their house there's so many memories i didn't know i'd be so sadly familiar with. like the dent in the wall from when chris threw my heels, the countless coffee stains on the table from my rough mornings here..and the more i look the sadder i get, tears threatening to escape my eyes, it's silly really..i shouldn't be this sad about a ruined wall or table, even looking down hurts my heart; it's like someone is stabbing a hot cigarette into my fragile heart.

"y/n?" he speaks with sadness, i think he has been trying to get my attention but i've been looking around and forming a wetness on my face from my eyes .

i quickly wipe my light red cheeks and straighten up wiping the tears of embarrassment against my blue ripped jeans. i apologise and clear my clogged up throat.

"what are you doing here?" he asks sitting down and licking his lips, a thing he does when he's nervous he doesn't want dry lips and wants to present himself and act like hes not nervous

i don't wanna tell him why i'm here, i don't even know how to tell him.

i don't even know why i'm here

the silence thickens and as the seconds go on i regret this more and more.

"i don't know" i finally speak up allowing him to un-tense and let out a healing loud sigh.

it's starting to get more awkward as seconds turn into minutes and tears fall

"i'm sorry y/n" he lets out his volume decreasing, almost like he regrets starting to speak. he's sorry. i'm sorry. why can't we be the same? hes said his apologies so why isn't his aura yellow, happy like we normally are? why can't we go and laugh on fun car drives or cry in each others arms why are we separated?

"was there someone else?" i whisper my voice and heart breaking halfway through of the thought of him being with someone else.

he flinches. as if this question is important, as if i'm right.

"y/n.." he says trying to console me "there was someone else?" i ask knowing the answer but unable to believe it, my world just broke in two. the room spins vertically and horizontally and time stops giving me a second to break down, tears escape rather fast and i'm unable to breathe the dizziness taking over my whole body.

i nearly said sorry just because i don't want this to be true i don't want this life i want me and matt happy together i don't want a cheater i want matt. normal matt. happy in love matt. We've been doing this dance for a while now, the fallen out of love dance. one step forward then he spins me all the way back, the music slows down till it eventually breaks up into static and we're no longer dancing. we're just here.

imagining all the times he kissed her, hugged her, told her she's special, the compliments.

i feel his stare stabbing me like thousands shards of glass as i sat there, staring into his familiar yet deadly eyes, i felt a surge of emotions welling up within myself. the silence between us is deafening, broken only by the haunting echoes of my own heartache. suddenly, the words escaped his lips, shattering the fragile hope i've clung to for so long. "I'm sorry," he murmured, his voice heavy with guilt and in that moment, the weight of his confession hung in the air, suffocating the remaining fragments of trust and love - the truth, like a jagged blade, pierced through my heart, leaving behind a raw ache that no amount of apologies could soothe. nothing could mend our wounds, our love can't be replaced or fixed. I felt a surge of conflicting emotions raging within. betrayal, hurt, and a burning desire to escape engulfed my senses. without a word, I rose to my feet, my movements fueled by a mix of anguish and determination. every step I took echoed the resounding ache in my heart, a painful rhythm that matched the cadence of his footsteps behind me.

I could hear him calling my name, barely as my ears are focused on any other sound than his voice, that one sweet voice that once made me feel the most special but now it's disgusting and tinged with desperation, but I dared not turn back the tears that stung my eyes blurred the path ahead, yet I keep on, driven by my sadness and panic from the shattered pieces of our love. His hand reached out, barely touching my hand, but I still felt the strong energy between us.

the air was thick with unsaid words and broken promises, a weight that hung heavy between us even if we are a 10 minute drive away. i can still hear him pleading to me as i lay lifeless in my bed unable to even flinch or blink. breathing hurts and falling asleep becomes difficult. my mind clouded unable to shut down all alone i lay, without him by my side.

maybe it isn't the right time.

my notes; i love and hate this okay thanku for reading💙

[ladystoneboobs]

@sunflowersansa, #catelyn was raised to be hosters successor for almost a decade wasnt she?

the annoying thing is we don't have an approximate age for edmure, nor any age for cat when minisa died (in childbirth with a last, stillborn son, not edmure). i've seen fanart depicting him as anywhere from a toddler to a younger teen/tween when catelyn and lysa were teenagers. but i feel pretty confident in my estimation of ~7/8yrs age difference between eldest sister and baby brother, and not just bc of symmetry with the next generation. my reasoning is thus:

we all assume catelyn had some grooming as an heiress, rather than it just being a nominal status in early childhood. how much training can one really give a 3 or 4yo, y'know? we know rickon never had any manly lord lessons from ned since he was still so young when they parted. if she was closer to 7 or 8 when edmure came along, that leaves more realistic time for education, and a sizable number of years with only daughters for hoster to try to accustom himself to lack of a son and make do accordingly. even only 1 or 2 years of rulership lessons would still matter when minisa's death left hoster more dependent on her as not just hostess but later a trusted confidant of a sort until she got married.

ned thinks of edmure as "the boy" in his pov when hearing of the mountain's first attacks in the riverlands. we know ned's not great with keeping up with ageing from his earlier comments about tommen, and he surely hasn't seen edmure in many years, but this tells me that when they did meet at riverrun, edmure was not that close in age to himself, catelyn, and lysa. (i think it's less likely to see someone as frozen in childhood if they're anywhere near your age cohort.) ned could still be wrong about edmure's age thinking he couldn't possibly be at least 25 and any green knight younger than that was still a boy or youth, but that miscalculation makes more sense to me if he was around ~26 rather than a fellow thirtysomething or a guy pushing thirty.

we also know that edmure acted as brandon's squire in his duel with littlefinger, which i read as more someone playacting at some squirely practice when not yet consideed old enough to be anyone's assigned squire, with the informal nature of the duel which meant lightly-armored littlefinger having no squire of his own, and brandon having an actual squire who likely could have been present. so that lines up with a ~10yo edmure to 15yo littlefinger, 16yo lysa, 18yo catelyn, and 20yo brandon. (this is admittedly the most subjective point and i wouldn't consider it strong evidence if not consistent with the rest.)

catelyn doubted her memories of her mother, including her appearence, which in this world strangely devoid of portraits, still makes me think she was quite young when they lost her. so, yeah, not a large gap between edmure's birth and minisa's death in her next childbirth. if catelyn was 8/9 or even 10 when her mother died and she became de facto lady of riverrun, that could line up with the lannister twins losing their mother at 7 and not having strong memories of joanna.

idt catelyn really did think of riverrun as her birthright when her brief time as conscious heiress was a small fraction of her life, with at least 6yrs knowing she'd move away to be lady (consort) of winterfell instead and the rest of her life living out that responsibility as northern wife and mother. but it must still sting to be used to such a position of importance in her earlier time in riverrun and have no real authority when she returned to live there again as an adult, especially when edmure still seemed to act (to her) like the baby of the family not entirely matured into the authority he held all for himself. there's a part in her time in renly's camp when she thought robb was years younger but still knew what he was doing more than the southern king and his knights of summer playing at war. i'd imagine a simaliar feeling whenever edmure annoyed her. that's another difference between robb and edmure, that robb was a dutiful eldest sibling like his mother, formerly catelyn's baby but never anyone's baby brother. while edmure, even if he was (my by headcanon) a few years older than renly and unlike renly was meant to be a male heir from birth, was still a youngest child of 3 like renly.

[missvelvetsstuff]

The Wrong One

Steve Rogers x Reader, Bucky Barnes x Reader

Reader met Steve while he was on the run and stuck by him through everything. Until he saw Peggy Carter again.

6. Real Life

Warnings: swearing, angst

A few months after she left the compound Y/N was settled into her Queens brownstone that Pepper helped her buy. They had kept in touch but Y/N made Pepper promise not to tell Steve, Bucky or Sam because she knew that the first would find out if the latter two did. Pepper and Morgan were all that she had now, except for the life quickly growing inside her.

Helen Cho was her doctor since the baby was half super soldier and she had experience with the enhanced.

Y/N looked like she was near term even though she was only 5 months and they were expecting to have to perform a c-section well before her 9th month.

Y/N went to her favorite ice cream parlor in Brooklyn, annoyed that it was their only shop. Steve had taken her there many times when they lived in the compound and while the memories made her sad, she'd been craving their ice cream for weeks and couldn't stand it any more. She tried other brands but none of them lived up to this shop. Unfortunately she was too far away to have it delivered so  decided to take the train instead of dealing with traffic and parking. At least it was mid day so the subway wasn't too crowded and she was able to sit comfortably.

When the train made it to her stop she slowly climbed the stairs up to the sidewalk and stopped for a minute to catch her breath then went 2 blocks to her destination.

The owner welcomed her back, made a cone for her to sit and enjoy while they packed her half a gallon of their ultra chocolate decadence, into her insulated bag. They chatted for a bit about nothing important until some customers came in and they said goodbye.

When Y/N stood up to leave she grabbed her purse and her ice cream then turned around and bumped into something solid. She felt strong hands hold her upper arms to steady her. One of those hands was cooler than the other but it took her a minute to process that.

She shook her head "I'm so sorry, fuck." Mumbling "so damn clumsy anymore, I-"

"Y/N?"

She jumped hearing her name in a familiar voice, then cussed softly "fuck." and cleared her throat, forcing a strained smile before she looked at him

"Hi Bucky, how have you been?"

Bucky nodded "I've been good." He looked her obviously pregnant body over, then looked her in the eyes with his brow raised questioningly "So, uh, what's new?" He chuckled

She felt her face heat up "Oh, you know just had a craving so had to run to my favorite ice cream shop. He used to bring me here."

"Yeah, it's still owned by the same family we knew as kids." Bucky rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably

"You know, He still talks about you a lot. Keeps asking me to bring you to visit but yeah." He smiled sadly at her "You changed your number?"

"I'm sorry Bucky, I know he's your friend but I really don't want to talk to or about him." She sighed "I needed some space."

"I understand but is it his?"

She snapped at him "She is mine. He made his choice to desert me. To be nothing more than a sperm donor." She took a deep breath and fixed her smile "I need to get home before my ice cream melts."

She sighed "I'd rather you didn't mention that you saw me to Steve but I know that's unlikely. I know you guys can probably get my information with a couple of key strokes but before you do please consider that I left and changed my number so maybe some respect for what I want or need is called for. See you around Barnes."

Bucky felt awful for what she was going through, all alone. He just stood there watching her walk away, admiring her curves. He didn't understand how Steve could leave a woman like that, even without a kid, but Steve was never logical when it came to Peggy Carter.

Bucky knew he probably shouldn't but looked her up and checked out the neighborhood where she lived. He told himself that it was just because Steve asked him to keep an eye on her, that he just wanted her to be safe and happy but he knew better. He knew he should tell Steve, he knew his friend had a right to know Y/N was pregnant with his kid but was conflicted. She had been through enough thanks to Steve and Bucky didn't want to be one more person who betrayed or left her.

Bucky had been jealous of the woman Steve was always talking about on the phone, when Bucky was still in Wakanda.

He was a little in love with her based on Steve's descriptions alone. The stories of how she helped Steve after the Snap were heartwarming and Bucky wanted someone that made him feel that way.

Y/N had definitely made him feel some kind of way the day they met but with the fight that was barreling down at them he brushed it off so he could focus.

He was losing that focus.

A couple of weeks after Bucky saw Y/N he still hadn't figured it out and was aimlessly flipping channels when he came across the story about the new Captain America, holding the shield that Sam had 'retired' and thoughts of Y/N were pushed out by his anger.

While Bucky was arguing with Sam about the shield his phone rang, Steve. He sent it to voicemail and put the phone back in his pocket.

Sam looked at him "Steve?" Bucky nodded. Sam shook his head "Since when do you reject his calls?" Bucky shrugged.

Sam shook his head "Well, he's worried about you. Told me it's been more than 2 weeks since you spoke. So, what's going on?"

Bucky sighed "I saw Y/N. A couple of weeks ago."

Sam looked at him "And?"

Bucky huffed "And she asked me not to tell him. He asks about her every time I talk to him and I don't like lying to him." He paused, thinking.

"I get that you're trying to honor her wishes but just telling him you saw her and she's fine isn't a betrayal. She is fine, right?" Sam thought for a moment "Shit, she has a new boyfriend, doesn't she? Look man, it's great that you want to spare his feelings but he knew it would happen, he made his choice."

Bucky shook his head "No she doesn't have a boyfriend."

Sam raised his eyebrows and grinned "She got a girlfriend?"

Bucky scoffed "Jesus Sam are you 12? No she doesn't have a girlfriend. At least not that she told me about." He sighed "Look, just drop it."

Sam's smile fell "sorry man but you know you can talk to me if you need to. Anytime." He pushed a little "Like right now is good, I'm all ears because I-"

Bucky shook his head "She's pregnant ok! You just keep going until I want to hit you."

Sam's eyes grew wide and his jaw dropped "What do you mean she's pregnant? How-. Is it?"

"I'm pretty sure you know how and yes, she said it's Steve's. She is Steve's."

"Buck, you gotta tell him. He has the right to know about his kid."

"Yeah and then Steve will stick his dumb ass into things and put her through more drama which is bad for her and the baby. We should just leave her alone."

He declared confidently when he wasn't sure he could do that.

He wanted to take care of her and her baby. Then get married and make more.

That thought hit him upside the head.

That's when he realized he was in love with her.

Y/N on the other hand had been in a near constant state of anxiety after seeing Bucky. If Steve found out she was pregnant he would try to force his way back in her life and if he pushed the issue no judge would rule against Captain America. She'd be lucky if she ever saw her baby again.

She started looking into moving somewhere else, somewhere far. She thought about going back to Ireland but he would think about it too.

After scouring the web for ideas she realized she couldn't go very far. Her baby could show up anytime now and she was a higher risk for complications with a super soldier baby. She needed to stay close to Helen Cho and Starks state of the art med bay.

After all those years moving about the world she was stuck here. At least for now. Even if Steve found out, she wasn't going to give up her baby, not without a fight.

Sam was stressed. Besides all the bullshit with the Flag Smashers and faux Captain America, he still wasn't sure what to do about what Bucky had told him.

He had plans to have lunch with Steve but didn't know how to get through that without Steve realizing he's hiding something.

A few hours later and Sam was pissed. At himself, one damn beer and he's spilling secrets like a mean girl.

Steve was angry too "What the Hell do you mean she's pregnant?" He shook his head "Doesn't matter if she is, can't be mine."

He thought for a minute "When did Bucky tell you?"

Sam looked away from Steve's accusing eyes "last week."

Steve clenched his fists "And when did Bucky see her?"

Sam sighed "a couple of weeks before that."

Steve's face hardened and his voice, cold "I want her contact information yesterday!"

Chapter 7

[transfem-juice]

Well it's been awhile, how's everyone doing

I've been... Uh...... Same old same old I guess? I can't really remember where I was last time I was here so idk where I am in comparison lol

It seems like it's only been 2 months but feels like longer, in that time I decided that I do want to go ahead and try cutting out all social media long term rather than just migrating from twitter to bluesky and doing the same exhausting yet addicting social media shit there, unfortunately maybe a week ago I thought about how I'd maybe like to get back into the tumblr routine as I feel that I probably like this place best out of any site, but then I read an article trying to realistically judge the risks that trump will have to online trans people/spaces and decided not to get hooked on social media again if the companies are seemingly likely to outright ban trans people for fear that the government cracks down on them hosting what it will try to redefine as grooming material

It was a depressing but fascinating and important to read article btw

I also recommend reading this if you have the spoons, fair warning though that it's 24,000 words and if you download it as a pdf like it suggests then it spans across 88 pages total if you include stuff like table of contents

I did read a bit of it, specifically a bit about creating a trans micro library, as it was linked from this article

So yea now I'm interested in building a trans micro library

If anyone has any suggestions for stuff to add (links would be especially helpful but not strictly necessary if you don't have it off the top of your head) just let me know, I'd be interested in books, pdfs, zines, music, art, games, porn, whatever, also bonus points if it's transfeminine

I haven't started building it yet but off the top of my head there are a few things I plan to add:

- fucking trans women zine that I have favourited on the internet archive

- hardcoded, a transfem visual novel style porn game where you play as a transfem robot

- mp3 and flac formats of black dresses discography, along with ada rooks discography from when the album's were free to download on bandcamp last(?) winter

- some trans porn I have saved (I haven't looked in awhile but I assume I have some downloaded)

Now that I list it I realize how shit my memory is cause I swear there was more I had floating around up there but whatever I'll remember it later

Anyways yea see ya later

[pynkhues]

https://www.tumblr.com/fishjellylou/766623772774137856/yall-white-mfs-need-to-stop-speaking-on-louis?source=share

As a disclaimer, I swear I'm not trying to start something, but this person is clearly talking about your post. The only reason i bring this to ur attention is bc

1. They seem to be purposely misinterpreting a lot of what u said and

2. It sums up a certain attitude in fandom that's been bothering me.

You always back up your interpretations with textual evidence and seem very open to other people's interpretations as well, so this type of reaction seems very hostile to me for no reason. And I feel like this readiness to call racism over any differing opinion on Louis only manages to reduce his character and discourage people from exploring his complexities or engaging with the character at all.

At least for me, it makes me scared of sharing any opinion, because people in fandom don't seem to be open to debate and conversation, they just claim one interpretation as the only valid read of the show and anyone who disagrees is suddenly racist.

I guess i just wanted to get your take on it and ask for advice on how to deal with this type of backlash when it comes to engaging in character analysis. Your insight is always appreciated <3

Oh! Yeah, I mean - - they certainly seem to be referring to me without @'ing me!

And mmm, yeah, I'd say it reads to me as a bad faith interpretation of my posts, especially as I certainly wouldn't describe how I wrote about Louis today as a 'diabolical jezebel' - in fact, I think it's lowkey the opposite given I think he's a character who has a healthy sexual appetite which sometimes manifests in the wrong direction as a result of trauma and circumstance, as opposed to the puritanical virgin some would depict him as - and literally, explicitly said that I don't think Louis' a liar, but rather has the normal response of trying to paint himself in a better light in his memories, but y'know, they're allowed their interpretation of my posts, just as they're allowed their own readings of the show.

As someone who's been around the fandom traps for more than a decade, I can't say this isn't something I'm used to, and I kinda think it's important to be okay with it? I make these posts publicly (even if I do try to avoid using main tags lowkey for adjacent reasons to this one), so people can respond to me publicly. That's okay! I've kinda been doing the same with the l*slou fest, so I'd be a huge hypocrite to have an issue with what they do when I'm doing it a little myself, haha.

But to me posts like this also just try to weaponise the idea that being called racist is worse than being racist, and as a result is a way to shut people up, like you said. I'm open with the fact that I'm white and Australian - arguably the worst type of White, haha - and I know that I have race biases that I'm working constantly to unpack, and I work in DEI at my theatre company, so trust me when I say I've done a lot of 'official' training too, which feels stupid to talk about here in this context, but is a reality of Things I've Done.

I engage and read and listen a lot, which is all to say, I suppose, that I do try to be very conscious and present in how I exist in these conversations, and it's a funny thing to come back to fandom spaces where people do want white people to take on a cultural load, want them to engage particularly with characters of colour, want them to create fanworks involving POC - all things fandom is notoriously bad at! - and then ultimately - - y'know. Weaponise race in an attempt to shut down conversations they don't like (and I include a lot of white people in that too). It too often feels like race becomes a moving part to keep characters under certain fan interpretation ownership, which feels symptomatic of broader fandom entitlement.

I don't know. I hear you, basically, and I get your nervousness about engaging, but at the end of the day, conversations won't happen if they don't happen. Sharing your thoughts and knowing - and being able to articulate - your intent while keeping an open mind to criticism and an eagerness to learn is always a positive, at least to me. Some people are going to engage in bad faith - that's kind of inevitable these days, I think - but there are going to be a lot of people who engage in good faith too, and I don't know. A lot of people tell me I have a bit of a crap nose for it, haha, and tend to engage more of the bad faith than I should, but I always try to take things optimistically and in good faith. I like to trust that people mean the best, and when they don't - - well, that's for private chats, haha.

[oogaboogaspookyman]

In memory of Divide...

[Silly Billy]

{1}

IT'S ALL THE SAME THING EVERY DAY

ANOTHER 24 HOURS OF PRETENDING TO BE ALIVE

*facade*

(I AM ALIVE, EVERYTHING IS JUST FINE WITH ME)

{2}

EVERYTHING IS FINE, CAN'T YOU SEE THE SMILE ON MY FACE?

THIS SMILE HAS WON AWARDS BEFORE, I DON'T EVER WANT IT OFF, IT'D BE A DISGRACE

*DENIAL*

(I AM ALIVE, I'M STILL KICKING, DESPITE EVERYTHING)

{3}

LOOK AT ME, MYSELF, YOU WHO SEEMS SO MUCH BETTER THAN ME

DON'T YOU THINK THE TREASURES THAT YOU HARBOR ARE MORE THAN GOLD?

*appreciate...*

(APPRECIATE YOUR LOVED ONES)

{4}

EVERY DAY I FEEL SO FANTASTIC, SWIMMING IN MY DELUSION OF HAPPINESS

*delusion*

(SO MUCH DELUSION)

{5}

I FEEL FANTASTIC

OH CAN'T YOU SEE?

I'M HAPPY

*you lie to yourself*

(OF COURSE I KNOW THE TRUTH, BUT I'D RATHER LIVE A HAPPY LIE THAN A BITTER REALITY)

(I HAVE NOTHING LEFT TO LOSE BUT MY OWN SANITY AND LIFE)

(SO MIGHT AS WELL DIE A SMILING MAN LIKE YOU)

{6}

OH WHAT A SCENE, A SING-OFF BETWEEN TITANS OF THE INDUSTRY OF MUSICAL WONDERS

I COULD LOSE MYSELF IN MY OWN MELODIES OF DELUSION AND MY FEELING OF JOY

*and yet it's fake*

(SO MUCH JOY)

(I SMILE SO MUCH)

{7}

I DON'T FEAR THE FALL UNTIL IT COMES TO MAKE ME CRUMBLE DOWN

I WILL DIE A SMILING MAN LIKE YOU

OH I DON'T FEAR THE FALL UNTIL IT COMES

TO MAKE ME

I SHALL PERSIST IN THE NAME OF MY LOVE, I MUST KEEP MOVING ON AS I'D PROMISED TO HER ONE FATEFUL NIGHT

YOURSELF YOURSELF

[8]

HAHA

LOOK AT ME NOW

HAHA

I FEEL SO FANTASTIC

HAHA

I'M TOTALLY OKAY, IT'S NOT DELUSION I FEEL JUST FINE, NO WORRIES

*you copy me? To feel like yourself? I pity you*

(HAHA, EVERYTHING IS FINE)

(THERE'S NOTHING TO CRY OVER ANYMORE, I'VE ALREADY SHED EVERY TEAR I EVER HAD)

[9]

PLEASE I BEG OF YOU TO STOP TRYING TO GIVE ME A REALITY CHECK I DO NOT NEED

JUST SAY I'M FINE AND IN A PERFECT DELUSION AS A HAPPY PEACEFUL MAN LIVING A HAPPY PEACEFUL LIFE

*please*

(I'VE ALWAYS BEEN FINE, I'VE ALWAYS BEEN A HAPPY MAN)

(I'M STILL YOUR AGE, ALIVE AND KICKIN', NEVER STOPPED THE CHOKIN')

[10]

I'M EATING AND TAKING CARE OF MYSELF, LIVING IN SELF INDULGENCE TO NUMB THE PAIN OF LOSS

*please...*

(I AM JUST FINE, JUST SAY IT I'M FINE PLEASE)

[11]

I'LL NEVER FEAR THE FALL UNTIL IT ARRIVES TO MAKE ME FEAR IT FOR ONCE NOW

*it's okay to fear*

(I WILL NOT FEAR WHAT'S NOT)

[12]

Look at yourself in the mirror behind you and notice the holes on your clothes

Oh can't you see? You are rotting away

Just let me help you, let's take baby steps together

{13}

THE PAIN IN MY HEART IS NOTHING COMPARED TO THE JOY I LOOK FOR

I KNOW I CAN BECOME BETTER AND GET OUT OF THIS STATE OF GRIEF, IT'S ONLY AN OBSTACLE NO BIG DEAL

*it's a process*

(GRIEF IS NOTHING FOR ME, MY JOY IS EVERYTHING)

(IT'S ALL SELF INDULGENCE, PAIN IS THE REBELLION)

{14}

I MADE A PROMISE TO HER THAT I WOULD LIVE ON IN HER NAME, TO LOOK FOR WHAT JOYS LIFE HAS TO OFFER

I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR SO LONG THAT I AM STARVED

*there's no honour*

(LIFE HAS IT'S UPS AND DOWNS, SO WHERE ARE THE UPS I'VE BEEN PROMISED I WOULD FIND?)

{15}

I DON'T WANT TO SEE THE TRUTH, I'D RATHER LIVE MY LIE

DON'T WANT TO FACE REALITY, I'D RATHER LIVE MY DELUSION

*accept it*

{16}

I FEEL FANTASTIC, WHY AM I EVEN HERE?

*because you need to know*

I DON'T NEED SOME STUPID THERAPIST

*you need to see*

(I DON'T NEED TO SEE SOME TRUTH THAT ONLY HURTS ME WHEN I COULD LIVE A LIE WHERE I FEEL NOTHING)

(IT'S ALL THE SAME THING EVERY DAY TO ME NOW, JUST 24 HOURS OF CONSTANT SUFFERING AND DECAY)

{17}

ROTTING AWAY IS FINE BY ME AT THIS POINT, HAVING LOST EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE I COULDN'T CARE ANY LESS

*so you know*

(I MAY BE DEAD BUT)

{18}

WHAT'S THE POINT IN CRYING AND WHINING OVER SUCH A SIMPLE MERE SETBACK?

I HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO AND LOOK AND HOPE FOR ANYWAY

LET'S NOT DWELL IN MATTERS THAT HAVE NO IMPORTANCE, LET'S JUST HAVE FUN SINGING OUR LIVES AWAY!

*you have no throat to sing with anymore, it's been years*

(WHO CARES IF I'M DEAD?)

(I FEEL SO GOOD)

{19}

WHAT'S THE POINT IN CRYING AND WHINING OVER SUCH A SIMPLE MERE SETBACK?

I HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO AND LOOK AND HOPE FOR ANYWAY

*YOU ARE DEAD, JUST LIKE HER*

(WHO CARES IF I'M DEAD?)

(I FEEL SO GOOD THAT IT HURTS MY SOUL)

{20}

HOW WOULD I BE DEAD ANYWAY, I DON'T SEE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE ANYMORE SHE'S RIPPED AWAY FROM ME THAT DAY IN THE CAR CRASH

CURSE HER FATHER FOR THAT NIGHT, DRINKING HIS STUPID WOES AWAY, DROWNING WHAT'S BETTER DEALT WITH THAN SHELVED...

{21}

The truth

{00}

In the end i guess it really is true, i am a walking shell of my former self

Oh how i fell, i fell hard from my grace and i regret it all

I've made a promise that i soon after broke

We can start again, all the way from scratch but a better start nonetheless, you look like you need one anyway

(I have made mistakes)

You've fallen from grace, that you now know well, but you can try again

(So many awful mistakes)

Let's just take baby steps, the two of us together

(I feel like a freak–)

[01]

I have made mistakes and fallen hard from my own grace, i can't see the light at the end of the tunnel but i guess i can try, just for you

(You've made mistakes and fallen hard from your own grace, i can help you see the light at the end of it all, just at least try it but for you)

{The End}

[theink-stainedfolk]

OC Questionnaire Tag

Thank you @drchenquill for the tag

I'll be taking my OCs from my new WIP Transcendent Allies/ Crossing Realms

1) If you had the power to erase someone's memories, who would it be and why?

Vinny Monteith: "I think I'd erase the memories of someone who’s been through a really traumatic experience, to give them a chance to start over without the pain. Maybe a close friend who's been struggling to move past something really difficult. It feels like a fresh start might help them find happiness again."

Chén Xī: "I would erase the memories of my greatest enemy, to give them a chance to change their path and seek redemption. Perhaps without the weight of past conflicts, they could become an ally rather than a threat."

2) Do you have a habit that you think would be considered weird by other people?

Vinny: "Probably how much I talk to my game characters when I'm playing. I give them pep talks, ask them how their day was—stuff like that. My friends think it's weird, but it makes the game more immersive for me."

Chén Xī: "I often meditate in the middle of battles, finding a brief moment of stillness amidst chaos. It helps me focus, but I understand it might seem strange to those unaccustomed to such practices."

3) If you had to choose just one drink to drink for the rest of your life, which one would it be and why?

Vinny: "Definitely iced coffee. It keeps me energized through long gaming sessions and late-night study marathons. Plus, it just tastes amazing."

Chén Xī: "Herbal tea. It keeps the mind clear and the body strong, essential for maintaining peak performance in both combat and strategy. Its calming effect is also invaluable during times of peace."

Your questions are:

What is one thing from your past that you wish you could change, and why?

If you could master any skill instantly, what would it be and how would you use it?

Who is the most important person in your life, and what have they taught you?

I'll tag @finickyfelix @willtheweaver @ascotwriting @agirlandherquill @leahnardo-da-veggie @illarian-rambling and this is an open tag

[protege-not-protagonist]

Finally getting around to mailing this letter

Dear Reid,

As you are a guy who never or rarely sleeps, I would love to know your morning routine. Do you have one or just accept the fate that it’s morning and carry on?

- <3 a concerned “normal” fan

Hello dear Bridgeoverstrawberryfields,

Firstly, I am delighted to have a "Normal" fan. Usually I am a firm believer in the notion that no one is normal, but I understand that you are saying it with the intention of distinguishing yourself from "fans" I've had in the past. The declaration is much appreaciated. Especially considering that you are asking about my routine. Which, as you probably know, being a fan of mine: showing interest in another person's routine can be associated with stalking. But you seem genuinely interested and concerned for my well being, so I will reassure you that I am doing well.

You seem concerned that I am not getting enough sleep and I can understand why you may think that. As you may know, my sleep is heavily affected when I experience high levels of stress and emotional distress. Even on a good day I would never call myself a morning person, but the type of insomnia I experience (Acute Maintenance Insomnia, if you like specifics,) means I don't find much relief in staying asleep longer. Sometimes I'd rather face the day.

But I am happy to report I do experience that less of late. It is actually rare that I don't sleep. I prioritise it, because of my predispositions to certain neurological conditions. Repeat lack of sleep puts me at a higher risk of developing these. But also sleep is essential for brain function, and I in particular, need my brain to be at its best. Believe it or not, studies have shown it is actually just as bad to drive drunk as it is to drive tired. Not that you should do either. I am just using that to support my point, that it is important to me. I am dedicated to my sleep hygiene and I try my best to get the recommend 8 to 7 hours. But this was not always the case.

Also to add to that, I really prefer to stick to routines. I actually admire people who can just be spontaneous with their mornings and can adapt to each day as it comes. But for me, trying to keep things consistent feels more comfortable. With my job back at the BAU sometimes I couldn't stick to my routine, or now, sometimes I just have off days. These are days that as you so eloquently put, I have to accept fate that's is morning and carry on, incorporating as many elements of my ideal morning routine as I can.

So without further preamble, here is my 'ideal' Morning routine:

Wake up before 7 am, preferably (more like rarely,) at 6:00 am, but I will admit this is harder to do in winter.

Light stretch, this has been proven to help wake up the body, but also help the brain to forget any bad dreams had during the night by engaging it in movement rather than retention and filing of memory

I like to get changed into clothes before breakfast. Again, the change of clothes further helps the brain by signalling that sleep is over because the sleep clothes are off and the day wear clothes are on. Also this is when I put on my socks. I choose them randomly. I think of my socks draw as a daily lucky dip.

I brew my coffee. I did go through a stage of trying to limit my caffeine intake and drink herbal teas, but benefits of not having caffeine were outweighed by the discomfort and utter misery not having a morning cup. And actually there's plenty of benefits to having 1 or 2 cups a day. Sometimes I do have tea, but only if Garcia makes it. I don't know, what she does that I don't, but I can certainly taste it.

I make a light breakfast, this is usually toast or a plain cereal. I'm not much of a breakfast person unless I am eating out with friends, ( I will have pancakes if that's the case.)

I also grab a glass of water to have along with my breakfast and coffee. This keeps me hydrated (because I forget to drink water, a lot.) and helps me take my vitamins as well.

I take supplements proven to be beneficial to people like me. I take magnesium, vitamin B12, vitamin D3, Omega 3, Vitamin C, Echenasia and probiotics (which I know I could get naturally but I hate the mouth feel of yoghurt )

With my coffee, breakfast, water and supplements, I will sit at the table and eat while reading about 4 physical newspapers and then I try to complete the crosswords. People think I'm good at them, but I'm actually not too proficient at it. Although I most likely know the answers in my vocabulary, it takes me a while to get my head around the wording of the clues, they are often quite vague, so I like the challenge.

Afterwards, I wash up and then go back to my room and make my bed then brush my teeth. I use this time as a sort of quiet reflection and run though what I've got to do that day. This is also when I look in the mirror and decide whether or not I should attempt to style my hair. These days I am usually happy how it is.

Before I leave for the day, I do last minute errands like check my fridge and shopping list, if it is an even day, I will water my plants that Garcia gifted me. If it is the end of the week, I will check that the automatic feeder for my fish tank is full so my tetras won't be left to starve if I get called away suddenly.

So there you go, very mundane. But I find being able to do this provides me with a sense of order and domesticity to my life that I didn't always get to enjoy.

-Sincerely yours, Dr Reid

Taglist: @bridgeoverstrawberryfields @cultish-corner @pleasantwitchgarden

Sorry for that being super long but if we are honest Spencer would absolutely write a response this long. As I was writing, he just kept wanting to say more. I let him cook.

[thoughtfullyrainynightmare]

For Acier Silva, can you please answer 2, 12, 14, 18 and 21?

Favourite BC mom! ^^

Will contain some manga spoilers!

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

I have to choose one thing? I mean... if I have to choose just one thing, I think I'd have to choose her strength. Because she is someone who made it in men's world. Since Charlotte is a fierce spokesperson for women's rights in a world that is still dominated by men, I think that Acier becoming a captain during the previous generation is a mark of strength. She needed to earn that spot. She's fiercely protective, and immensely compassionate and caring, but takes no bs from anyone. Because being kind and compassionate, doesn't equate you into being a doormat or going along with the loudest person in the room. Granted that she's probably had to go along with some things in her life due to her status (I mean... would he have married a man like Papa Silva if she didn't), but she endured those things. She continued to care for her children as much as she could until her dying day, because she loved them. Not because it was a duty of hers, but because she wanted to do so. Acier Silva is one of the strongest characters in BC, and I will stand by that statement.

12. What’s a headcanon you have for this character?

My headcanon for Acier is that she used to be, in her youth, a bit of a trouble maker. Not one to cause harm for anyone, but she'd sneak out when she was supposed to stay indoors and practice something like needlepoint. In a way, I headcanon that she was a lot like Mereo. But less volatile and less eager to fight things.

14. Assign a fashion aesthetic to this character.

Business casual meets modern viking queen

18. How about a relationship they have in canon with another character that you admire?

Like I said in Nozel's case, I adore Acier's mother-son relationship. I wish that we would have gotten more of it (awkward side-eyeing at canon), during the happy times. As in, sure, the goodbye she left was also touching and made me clench my heart, but damn... It was far from a happy reunion. Though there was relief in it too. It's more than clear that Nozel idolizes his mother, and that Acier loved Nozel (as well as all her children) with all her heart. But she got to develop the bond she has with Nozel the best because... he's the oldest child. And she had some years when he was the only child. She also (though it ended up being... uhh... rather counter productive) transferred the wish to keep the family safe onto Nozel. And I think this happened before Acier said it to Nozel blatantly.

21. If you’re a fic writer and have written for this character, what’s your favorite thing to do when you’re writing for this character? What’s something you don’t like?

Hmmm... Okay, okay, though I'd like to see more Acier-Nozel mom-son bonding time, I do like making it sting. As in, I've drawn such angst from this, and I enjoyed writing it. But I am drawn to the idea of writing something happy for them too, I just don't know what that might be. As to what I don't like writing for her, I suppose... well, saying that I would dislike it seems a wee bit strong, but I'm not particularly interested in writing her reasons as to why she married Papa Silva (however, luckily the fic has been already written by a lovely mutual, Lyra (if my memory serves me correctly)). I do think that it's an important fic to have in the fandom, but writing that particular story didn't appeal to me. Overall, considering her character, I don't think there's anything in particular that I'd dislike doing. Aside of maybe writing her out of character.

[welcome-to-oslov]

The healing! Omg 🫣🥹

I'm super excited to be whisked back into the world of All Kinds of Broken to unravel more of the mystery of how Tilrey's become who he is through everything he went though - BECAUSE it is SO incredible to see the incredible leap he's taken in Oslov Unraveled - some deeply traumatic things finally unraveled that he's never been able to, until now:

"Then he realized that he was following the old kettle-boy impulse to keep himself safe by absorbing the feelings of the most powerful Upstart in the room. And those tactics had no place here. He didn’t need to comfort or placate Attevian. Tilrey reminded himself it didn’t matter how the general reacted. He had no say here."

Aww! It sounds like this is SUCH an important insight he was never quitable to articulate for himself until this moment. I'd imagine maybe this also makes it more possible for him to look at his younger self with compassion, and gratitude for surviving, rather than feeling shame, anger, & wanting to ignore him.

"As he finished this speech, Tilrey heard Malsha chuckling somewhere deep in the darkness of his mind. He knew he was hearing only a residue, a figment of memory and imagination. Janta had helped him grasp that. And to the Malsha who waited inside his head, he said silently, Too bad you’re dead. You said I was the key to Oslov. But you’ll never know the person I’ve become—the one who helped unravel it. The one who will knit it all back together, if I can. With my friends’ help."

!!!!!!! to alllllllllll that!!!!!

This feels like the rebuke he wishes he would've been ready to deliver to Malsha back in Habour. He had barely begun becoming stronger then - but is strong enough now. Especially since now he feels in his bones he's strong because he's not alone in all this - no longer deeply alone like he was back in his Malsha, Island Party, and even early Gersha years. Made alone by others, and making himself alone by feeling safer trying to be fake.

Despite this breakthrough, the Malsha of his mind tries one last time to dominate him, to claim him:

"Malsha was fidgeting. Unsatisfied. I prepared you for this moment. Me. No one else."

Not true, you piece of shit! (Sadly, literally not true: many things prepared & shaped Tilrey, not least his terrible youth at the hands of the Island Party 😢)

Tilrey rebukes him again 🤗🙌

Sometimes in life you do have breakthroughs from your trauma, and I think Tilrey just had one today.

As we soon will return to explore, enjoy, and wallow in the misery with him these next 2 years of All Kinds of Broken, we'll know that he will indeed not only prevail, but even evetually heal - many years from now - some of what he's going through 🥲❤️‍🩹

Yes! Thank you for putting it all so beautifully. 🥰 Healing can take a long, long time, and Tilrey’s finally at a place where he can have compassion for his younger self and free himself from the Malsha in his head. I’m so glad those passages worked for you!

It is too bad he wasn’t there yet when he last saw Malsha in Harbour. But he did defy him, and I suspect Malsha died knowing he could never really have the control over Tilrey that he wanted.

When he made that prediction that Tilrey would unlock/unravel Oslov, I think what he secretly wanted was to be the person who would do that himself, to live a second and better life through Tilrey. But that was impossible!

[realmflora]

"To destroy the bars of a cage is to let what's inside free."

MULTI-MUSE OC BLOG

RULES -No NSFW, muses are all children. No, that wont be up for debate. -No discrimination (homophobia, transphobia, racism, ableism, etc) -Resend your ask if mod hasn't respond in 2-3 days -No shipping wars/No rarepair antis (this applies to ocxcanon too)* -Cursing is fine, just don't overdo it

*= I mentioned this because there may be mentions of Cyscara (from @/the-6th-harbringer) on here. The muses here, on the other hand, have their respective ships and will not be open to swapping those ships in any way.

TEXT THINGS "text" - speech -text- action {small text} - thoughts TAGS GENERAL CHARACTER TAGS

itsy bitsy - chero sleeping blossom - sakura ( forever restless blossom - made for moments of sakura's built up distress bleeding through) lovesick angel - leia mamas boy - xaviero

the #1 angst maker - ooc

obsessive snakebite - Anemone Amarante (color: green) Rhetri.exe (A vessel used by the post-teyvat!rhean kids) - guest muse 2 (color: black/white)

SPECIFIC INTERACTION TAGS

spiders and dolls - chero and any of the wander counterparts white roses - chero and cyrille trust is fragile - xaviero and kabukimono squirrels a ton - leia and sōngshū alien gardenias - chero and adi camellias in their nature - sakura and cyrille heavenblossom - sakura and leia hyacinth siblings - sakura and chero forgotten gardenias - Rhetri.exe(Post-Teyvat!Chero) and Adi the bitter and the sour - leia and chero fours a clover - all four rhean kids butterfly in a web - xaviero and chero divinity disasters - the rubber band snapping at last :)

(will be fillled in more as time goes on)

DISCLAIMER/WARNING The only characters I own are the four muses on this blog. Other ocs belong to their creators, and the Wander-counterparts all (technically) belong to Hoyoverse. The backstories for the muses of this are not to be taken lightly. Sensitive topics (su1c1de, mass murder, depictions of gore, and maybe more) will be present. Please, take care of yourself. If something is too much for you to handle, dont force yourself to read it. OTHER IMPORTANT BITS If you were not aware, my cousin(the creator of Sakura's character who also happens to be named sakura) passed away a few months ago. I am continuing Sakura's(the character) story as a tribute, as well as semi-adapting their rp style for this blog specifically. Please do not bring up IRL-Sakura's passing unless I bring it up first. Though I am slowly recovering from it, it is still a trigger for me. I'd rather not have to think about it more than I do already. The lore from the original Sakura blog may be slightly modified to fit the lore I have made. If things don't line up, that's why.

Now, onto the character bits.

Chero character info Sakura character info Leia character info

Xaviero character info

To keep muses discernable, texts will be color coded. Since there is no yellow text, Leia's will be purple because of complementary colors and stuff. But the other three's colors match with their character.

GENERALIZED RELATIONSHIPS POST THING

RANDOM EVENTS itsier bitsy - chero being extremely small smol!chero - chero getting shrunk into a kid

IMPORTANT TEXT BITS

Heavenblossom - Reunition Memories - Section 1/3, Shard 1 Confrontation, Poison, and Unrequited Love A Fucked Up Way To Say "I hear you". Sins of Her Love Are Not Yours To Carry On

OTHER BLOGS I OWN(that are active lol) @the-6th-harbringer @baby-finch @the-god-of-wisdom @kaedehara-of-the-crux @lady-dragon-bailu @the-best-bard

Post I got the borders from

AU DRABBLES

Times Anew (Everyone Wins/No Trauma Modern AU) Amber Laced Arachnids (Subfic of Pirate!Scara and Mer!Cy au. Chaviero) 🌸🕊️

[bereft-of-frogs]

ao3 wrapped [writers edition] how about 10,11,29, or 30?

10. What work was the quickest to write?

It was either closure or the lack thereof, which I technically wrote 2 drafts of and posted over a weekend but I did have that idea kicking around since 2021, so from concept to post it was probably either with teeth we've come this far or I feel like I'm borrowing all my time, because I came up with the ideas for whumptober and finished them. All the others existed as idea bulletpoints or little jotted down paragraphs before Sept 1 but those two were completely contained.

11. What work took you the longest to write?

While the dark ocean duology did take me all summer after I'd initially thought it would take a couple weeks tops, the winner has to be the first chapter of omens and all kinds of signs which was at 60% done for 2 years. I honestly don't know that I would have finished it if I hadn't decided to post it serially, so yeah little plug for writing serially. It was really just to get back on the horse after having an off year last year.

29. Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?

I really like this bit where Greez is like 'wtf' in 'I feel like I'm borrowing all my time':

This all feels like an overwhelming, insurmountable task. Greez wishes he hadn’t been chosen for it. He knows how important it is, wants desperately to find the kid before he can be hurt, but it really feels beyond him. He misses the Mantis, misses the rest of the crew, even the little droid and the stowaway bogling. He misses feeling like he understands his place in the universe. His mind struggles to keep up with how long it’s been. A couple of hours? Days? Five years but wound in reverse? He knows it shouldn’t feel like five years, but it kind of does. It feels like the warmth and safety of home is something he lost long ago, or perhaps never had. Now that Cal’s missing from his proper place, it all feels like none of it ever actually happened. It both exists in his memory and doesn’t, like a distant dream. Greez shivers. All of this is very, very wrong. Cere is staring at the fire again, an inscrutable look on her face. Greez decides to fill the silence with: “I guess we have to hope they didn’t take him to Nur.” Cere whirls on him abruptly. “Of course we have to hope they didn’t take him to Nur.” “I just mean that…” Greez swallows. It’s started raining harder, raising more steam and smoke from the fires. The smoke makes his eyes sting. Cere waits for an explanation, brow furrowed. “Don’t we have to avoid…I just mean…you shouldn’t meet yourself, right? That’s one of the rules of this sort of thing, isn’t it? At least, it was in the cheesy dramas my grandmother was always watching…” “Oh.” Cere turns back to the fire. “I hadn’t considered that.”

Apologies for the length of it but I like it both for the 1) 'it shouldn't feel like five years but it does' bit, just leaning into time travel being WEIRD. Also I think I slipped up a couple times responding to comments and referred to 'timelines' but as best I can come up with for fitting time travel into SW worldbuilding....there are no alternate timelines really. Because time isn't really...real. So Greez is right, once things have started changing, they change in the future as well so it all both does and doesn't exist at the same time...idk if I ever went further on the time travel concept it would be along these lines, rather than having distinct alternate timelines.

2) the very human moment of filling an awkward silence with the exact wrong thing. XD It's such a little thing but I ended up LOVING the "Greez decided to fill the silence with" dialogue tag. XD

30. Biggest surprise while writing this year?

I'm going to answer this one with a screenshot of my ideas list I found while cleaning it up this weekend:

I don't want to sound like too much of a curmudgeon (though the ship has probably said on that one)*, but I can't stress enough how surprising it was that one of my biggest 'nope, would never write' became one of my favorite fics of the year. Now I feel like I can't said I'd never write something. Growth?

(*and just to stress, like...for me writing/reading, don't take this personally. I use the exclude tags but please don't take this as like a judgement, I just have never really liked them and got a bit grumpy about just how popular they were when I came back to reading Star Wars fic a couple years ago)

[ ao3 wrapped ]

[gryphonlover]

Whumptober 2023 Day 3

Prompt: journal

Victim: Four

Words: 1346

Notes: Journaling really can help, but talking to people is also very important.

Zelda says that journaling will help me process the stuff that happened after I pulled the Four Sword. I'm not sure that I believe that, but she said I either had to use the journal, or talk things out with someone and I would rather jump in a cucco pen than talk about my feelings at this point.

I had a dream last night. I put the Four Sword back in the pedestal but didn't merge back into one person. It felt so real and then I woke up.

Maybe if I'd never pulled the Four Sword I wouldn't be so broken now. I don't even know who I am anymore.

I hate the way that people look at me now. They hate me because all they can see is the guy who sicced a dragon on the castle. Shadow was the real hero, though. I or we or whatever couldn't manage to fight one stupid flying eyeball so he sacrificed his life. He doesn't deserve this.

Zelda said we could make Shadow a memorial if I want. I need to think about it.

I told her yes. He shouldn't be forgotten. He gave up everything for Hyrule.

Today we went and made him a memorial. I cried. I miss him. I wish we'd been able to see eye-to-eye sooner. Maybe he wouldn't be dead and I wouldn't be alone.

The house is always empty. Dad is never home. It has to be my fault. He worked a lot before, but he always had time for me. Now he just avoids me. I wish I'd never pulled the Four Sword. Maybe then I wouldn't be crazy. I want things to go back to the way they were before.

I don't know if I can do this. I'm on indefinite leave for… something, and it's not like I can take an apprenticeship anywhere. I'm going crazy with nothing to do.

Everything is so stupid. Why can't anyone just treat me like a normal person!? I'm not a bomb, I'm not going to stab people in the back or set Castletown on fire for crying out loud! I just want to be a proper knight again and to have people respect me and shut up about Shadow.

Maybe I really am crazy.

I'm going to dig up the fire rod. They can't stop me.

In my defense, it was only a little fire. I just wanted to blow off some steam and thought that a controlled fire on Mount Crenel would be fine, but no, now I'm in solitary confinement for a whole day with nothing but this stupid journal.

I just want to feel whole again. I thought that maybe I could— look, it was a dumb decision, I know that, they don't need to rub it in my face.

Solitary confinement is overrated. So is probation. I hate life.

New plan: going to that place Blue got frozen.

Yeah, okay that was also a bad idea. Hypothermia is real.

I have been royally banned from travelling to any more "dangerous climates with dangerous weapons." Stupid Zelda and her stupid princess stuff.

I just want to be us again. I hate being this. I hate having so many thoughts and feelings and memories crammed in my head.

I don't care anymore, I need the sword back.

Well as it turns out the sword hates me. Great.

Back in solitary confinement. Two days for "vandalizing public property." If you ask me, the Four Sword's sanctuary shouldn't count as public property. Zelda and I are the only people who go there, and no one maintains it. Besides, the sword itself and it's stupid pedestal are apparently indesctructible because of stupid goddess magic, anyway.

I am at the end of my rope. If I can't split back, then I don't know what else to do. Everyone keeps telling me that "time heals all wounds" and stuff, but if anything it just gets worse with time. They don't get it. I was split into four people and then crammed back into one body and Shadow died.

Day 2 of solitary confinement. I really don't get why they think putting the crazy guy in solitary is going to make him less crazy. This is stupid.

I'm pretty sure crying every day isn't normal, but who even cares anymore.

I can't do this.

Turns out I have no choice. Some guy with the same name as me showed up at the house. He seems nice enough, so I told him I'd go fight evil or whatever with him. At least I can get something useful out of my life before I kick the bucket.

Ran into another person named Link. Nicknames are in order. I need to think about mine.

Having a new name feels good. Link didn't really fit anymore. I was Link before the Four Sword, then… well, now I'm Four. It feels right.

Sky and Hyrule are pretty nice. Hyrule seems a bit jumpy, but he takes good care of his sword, and Sky is basically just a star-crossed lover. I miss the way things were before I put the Four Sword back, but it's nice to have a distraction.

Today Twilight joined the group. He's got some weird tattoos on his face, and a wolf pelt for some reason, but he's also pretty nice. A bit obsessed with goats, though.

Twilight has integrated into the group well. He balances out Hyrule's wandering. I don't know how, but he always knows where everyone is.

Wind is pretty fun, but he reminds me of Red. It… hurts.

Wind is determined to be friends. I do not want to be friends.

I am now friends with Wind and have no idea how.

Time is unsettling, but seems to know what he's doing. He's kind of like how Dad was before the Four Sword.

Time is also a star-crossed lover. Him and Sky will not shut up about their wives.

Wild is very Wild. Twilight has taken to him, and so have Hyrule and Wind. I am preparing myself for pranks.

I want to go home.

Legend is a grump. I'm not sure if I like him or not.

Legend has adopted Hyrule. I am only a little bit jealous.

I'm crying in the woods. Legend is just like Blue. This is stupid and I hate it.

Warriors is kind of like me, except actually good at his job. I wish I'd been able to beat Vaati. Shadow would be alive if I was better at my job.

I want to punch Warriors in his stupid pretty face.

Sparring practice went okay. I haven't sparred properly in a long time, but I think I did good enough. Now I'm sore all over. I would be taking a bath, except SOMEONE is hogging all the water. Ugh.

I am so sick of walking. I wish Miss Fairy could just teleport us around. Man, that was convenient. I wonder where she is now?

I think I'm doing okay at fitting in, but they don't seem to expect much of me. Maybe it's because I'm short?

Finally got to punch Warriors in the face. I'm sitting in jail, but it was so worth it. That felt good.

Legend bailed me out. That was weirdly nice of him.

Wind made me talk about feelings. The audacity.

Okay, so maybe talking it out helped. Maybe Wind was right about communicating with the group better.

We did more talking today, this time it was everyone. It went well. They didn't hate me for anything I told them, and they actually understood how I felt.

I'm going to keep the journal just in case, but I have people I can trust now. It's going to be okay.

[componentcables]

Alright, wake up Honey. Time for my 10pm Rant about Splatoon Side Order Theory

Thank you for coming to my Impromptu TED Talk.

I want to see Side Order live up to Octo Expansion. O.E did some amazing things with the story and lore of Pearl & Marina and it would be a crying shame for them to shoot themselves in their foot by making Marina the main villain or god forbid force her into the role with Mind Control or bringing back an older already used vilian like Tartar or something. Marina is shown to be incredibly smart, especially with technology, so it would be hard to believe that she was used by someone else. And I'd hate to see any form of Hypnosis being used.. Since it just robs her character of importance and just makes her a 'reward' sort of like Callie from splatoon 2s story mode.

Side Note: For Splat2s base storymode, It would have been interesting to hear the two parts of the squid sisters have some sort of dialogue in that story. It's obvious that Marie cares about Callie to go to these lengths, but outside of some sparse moments in a handful of levels, we never see it in game outside of the final fight. It would have been interesting to have Callie be a much more present threat to the player in maybe the boss battles or something. It would've been really cool to maybe have her talking to Agent 4 throughout the final few levels to intimidate them and Marie would have some sort of reaction to it.

Honestly would hurt to see Marina be relegated to a 'damsel in distress' when it comes to Side Order. She deserves the agency and there's CLEARLY some theme going on with Marina in the tower itself. With the various imagery of Memcakes (the collectable from OE) being either made or packaged to go somewhere, and the fact that there's various bits of memories from Marina like the baby mobile, Children's toys like Wooden blocks, and specifically pink pianos being held in stasis or again, being transported somewhere.

Personally, I don't want there to be any big villain or world ending threat.

Here comes the big theory:I think it would be more interesting for the plot-point of her(Marina) choosing to stay in the Spire due to Sunk Coat Fallacy.

To me, it fits character more to be wrapped up in her managing and repairing the Spire to where she might as well be trapped in an endless flow of Micromanaging the well oiled machine she made. Rather than her being Trapped at the top of the place she might as well have built with her own two hands. Genuinely I think it would be an amazing idea for the main conflict being Pearl, Agent 8 and Acht be the ones to physically go over to Marina sort of like an Intervention. At least Pearl would understand that Marina didn't mean to hurt anybody, but their main concern would be her own physical and mental health since she's.. More or less walled off everything that isn't her work for the sake of keeping things running smoothly if at all. It would be hard to justify abandoning a project that you either put years of planning into(like the few years between splat 2 ending and… We'll, now) or something that Just ballooned so much in scope that it literally needs the constant maintenance and checkups for it to not collapse on itself.

She's probably spent a shit load of time and resources on something she clearly cares about for one reason or another (hopefully to help others). To actually guess as to what exactly the Spire does would be foolish since its less than a week away.

We even see the spire itself show signs of damage in that new trailer so there's probable chance that something unintended is happening if that wasn't obvious from how… Literally everything around it is dead and bleached sand and coral.

My reasoning is that Marina had some… Genuine concerns about the world falling into chaos in splat 2. She felt rightfully scared that she'd never see Pearl again if there wasn't some sort of order with the world. So thats my best guess.

But I know this.. Well, won't happen due to how the main Side Order Trailer starts with the player character of Splat 3 falling asleep On a train. And the fact that the description of the DLC describes it as a 'What If' scenario if Order one the Final Fest. So I'm fully expecting things to be as non-cannon as can be if I'm lucky.

Side Topic Act II:I don't want the reward to be another playable species.. Since the main draw of Octo expansion Was the octolings, a feature people wanted since the beginning.. It would Really suck for there to be something like 'Salmon-lings' since the Salmon in game have a… Shit ton of lore dedicated to then as an entirely different society with unique well, everything. So to go back on that design for a basic looking humanoid salmon.. Thing, would again.. Be shooting themselves in the foot. I think the big reward other than Inkopolis Square, would be the various weapon skins. It looks like every main weapon in the game, or at least slot of them, have some sort of Prototype version that's used in the Spire simulations. And I'd imagine that beating the Spire with that weapon, unlocks that skin for multi-player use. Not as a separate weapon, but as a literal togglable thing for the weapon you already have. It would be that extra bit of motivation to play with the weapon you enjoy to get a unique variant of it or something. That, and the option to tint your fingers and tentacles. Since Color is another big theme with Side Order. And it's another thing people have been wanting since the 2nd game.

[hansoheeglobal]

Part 2. The Moment When Han Sohee Just Exists

Q. When I watched "Sound Track" #1 released last year, I thought of this. ‘What would it be like to be the childhood friend of Han Sohee, a natural person?’ I think it would be fun to film it as a fake documentary.

I also like the fake documentary format. Usually, fake documentaries are often used in the horror genre.

Q. Like "The Office", you can make it into an interview format. By the way, do you have any childhood friends or middle and high school friends you keep in touch with?

There are a lot.

Q. How do they see Sohee who became a star? I think I'd be surprised every day.

just… Look at me like that. That's why we can still be friends. I have middle school friends and high school friends, but they are rather worried about me. They don't even brag about the fact that they know me, but they just sees me as Sohee of that time.

Q. Those relationships are really precious.

of course.

Q. I think the more such relationships there are, the stronger a person becomes. That's what I thought while reading Sohee's blog.

Me? I'm a total fragile, right? (laughs)

Q. ah… It's fragile. (laughs)

The reason I have friends like that is also because I treated them that way. They act without hesitation. Even when I go out drinking or having fun, I don’t hide anything. It's okay for people to recognize it. It's not like you're breaking the law to hang out with your friends. I'd appreciate it if you could recognize me. My friends also seem to feel proud when people recognize me.

Q. I saw a photo of Sohee drinking with her friends a while ago and was a little drunk, and I wondered what to say… I felt the honest warmth I felt in the inn room photos of Hwang Jeongmin, Cho Seungwoo, and Ji Jinhee.

Ah. (Laughs) That’s a little different. They are famous people.

Q. (Laughs) That’s… It's about honesty without embellishment, and it was in the title of a previous interview. Although it is a title written by a reporter, it is ‘Han Sohee, what is more important than beauty is honesty.’ Isn’t this a very important attitude in life?

Isn’t it more obvious than important? Conversely, ask the question, ‘Why can’t I be honest?’ and also ask the question, ‘Why do I have to ‘pretend’?’ I answered that there was absolutely no need for that.

Q. Another interview said that. "It’s a job that requires me to look in the mirror a lot, but I try not to look in the mirror." It also has a similar meaning.

That means this. We have a job that requires us to look in the mirror a lot, so we know what angles look good on our faces. When filming a drama or movie, it's easy to get into the habit of showing only what I want to show. When filming “My Name,” I started the habit of not looking in the mirror so I wouldn’t be bothered by the angle.

Q. There is something in line with the ‘honest attitude toward life’ we talked about earlier.

Yes. In the work, I have to become that character. The desire to show the pretty side of Han Sohee as a person becomes disingenuous in the work. In order to live the life of a character, an honest attitude in acting is to first erase it from memory without looking at where it is pretty and where it is not, and to exclude all elements outside the work. Of course, it doesn't have to continue like that. In a photo shoot like today, the purpose of the shoot is to show my most attractive side.

Q. I think you read a lot of books too.

Lately, I’ve been obsessed with the question, ‘What are emotions?’ What I read recently is '애도 일기 (Journal de Deuil).’ This book is a compilation of the memories the author recorded with her mother over the course of a year, like a diary, after her mother passed away. When reading this book, you can clearly feel the author's emotions. She said that people do not break down in an instant just because they lose someone they love. I live my daily life. Then, she breaks down when she receives a letter from her friend who lives across the river, saying, ‘I saw your mother the day before she died, and she was wearing her gray clothes.’ That one sentence made her come to terms with her mother's death. As I read, I thought about ‘time to accept emotions.’ The time we are aware of depression or sadness can be frighteningly long. So, even if you go through something and are okay now, you may not be okay two or three years from now. So shouldn’t we always doubt our feelings?

Q. What you just said is so cool. Looking closely at one's own emotional state is an essential attitude for everyone, including actors.

that's right. You need to practice objectifying yourself often. Especially your feelings.

Q. I've heard of that before. For example, write down how many minutes it took for me to open my eyes and get out of bed this morning. When I'm depressed, the time gets longer.

It could be something like that. It could be something like how many times I made eye contact with people and smiled today. How was my day today, what did it feel like, what was the temperature, and how many things did I force myself to do today? Remembering these things is very helpful in living. When you're busy, you don't even realize that your mind is getting tired.

Q. I'm a little touched right now.

The human body is more scientific than you might think.

Q. That's right. When you're physically struggling, your mind is really struggling.

It's so hard.(laughs) I can't stay up all night.

Q. Why are reading and watching movies important for actors?

There is a saying that "Sadness is the saddest when you hold back sadness, and laughter is the funniest when you hold back laughter." But there are people who laugh when they are sad, and there are people who are sad when they laugh. Sadness is not all the same sadness, but joy is not all the same joy. We have to express delicate sorrows and subtle joys that are not expressed in words. Reading a lot of books and screens is similar to preparing paint to draw emotions. Of course, drawing with 10 paints is different from drawing with 100 paints. I really want to fill it up and prepare about 1,000. (laughs)

Q. You said you were exploring your emotions earlier. Do you have anxiety among them?

why? Reporter, are you anxious?

Q. Yes. I often get anxious.

I've been reading a very thick book called "The Book of Anxiety" for quite some time. There's something impressive about the book. Everyone feels anxiety except when they sleep for 24 hours. However, we may forget our anxiety by sleeping, exercising, or simply doing simple work. This anxiety is a very thin piece of paper. So we have to diligently clean up today's anxiety and tomorrow's anxiety so that this anxiety does not build up one by one. Every day so that it doesn't build up in my mind anymore.

Q. How do I clean it up?

Have you seen the documentary “Marina Abramovic: The Artist is Present” (2011)? If you look at it, you can see a scene where you don't do anything and just stay still. I think that training is the best training for humans to get rid of anxiety. Marina Abramovich brings 30 people to her house to eat almost nothing, close their eyes and train them still in the woods. That's what I do at home these days. Staying still. I don't think about anything and just stay still, whether it's 5 or 10 minutes. I'm vulnerable to anxiety like you. But you can't live your whole life vulnerable. I'm sure we can make the human brain work differently if we know how it works. That's why I'm studying. I'm trying to fix it so that I'm not vulnerable to anxiety.

Q. I was impressed again. The desire to study and fix things is so healthy and wonderful.

It took me a lot of attempts to get here. If you leave because you don't like what you don't like, nothing will change. In the end, a person must know how to stand alone.

Q. This is the last question. What kind of actor do you want to be.

An irreplaceable actor. an absolutely irreplaceable actor.

Note: rough trans so there might be a lot of error.