#that's really fucking hard for people that relate to dean

[minxyone93]

Ohhhhh okay so I felt very defensive of Dean in this era and I feel like this post helped me figure it out because I was in a relationship where I was not permitted to be angry and often accused of overreacting and while there were definitely things Dean did that pissed me off and felt out of character (treatment of Jack specifically), it seemed like there was no criticism of that, just his very normal reactions to reality! Which was very relatable to a situation I spent several years in and was a big problem in my life. And again as this post has already outlined, I would be okay with that storyline and that trauma if there was some satisfying acknowledgement and validation that closed that storyline, but they gaslit and killed him.

I got invested in seeing some retribution and acknowledgement of that pain and trauma, and instead they just killed him. It's the nightmare ending that any domestic violence or intimate partner violence survivor dreads. Dean was in an abusive relationship with the narrative and it had the literal worst case outcome for him that we have all spent sleepless nights dreading. I still worry even all these years later that I will face that outcome. You can't outrun it.

I think of eps like Scoobynatural, Mint Condition, and others where Dean repeatedly reiterates he loves stories where the good guy wins and it just breaks my heart worse because that, too, is relatable. Escapism was my only haven and I too looked for stories where love prevails and good guys win and it's reliable and safe at the end of the story. Dean loved that and escaped with that too and he didn't get it.

I think that is another layer in the enormous onion of reasons Why the Finale Was Actually A Retraumatizing Experience for the Exact Type of Person That Likes the Hit CW Show Supernatural

Not to dig up old debates but I was taking a shower so my mind drifted. In the Dabb era, where Dean is constantly criticized for being too angry, too harsh, too exaggerated in his behaviors, etc, Dean is actually the only character who displays appropriate emotional reactions to the given situations.

[chiisana-sukima]

hi so what qualities do you think dean admires about sam and vice versa would like to know your thoughts

Love your meta btw as a new spn fan

Hi Nonny, tysm for the ask!

I haven't thought a ton about this question prior to now, so I'm interested in other people's opinions too if they want to add them on reblog. But it seems to me that the 'what does Dean admire about Sam' half of the question is pretty easily answered, because Dean isn't shy with his praise of Sam in canon.

He's also not shy with his criticism, of course, and I think this is because some of the things he admires most about Sam are the same things that are dangerous to him personally. My favorite recap is in the finale:

And there's this from 15.11:

Dean says similar things in other episodes, going way back to 1.11, which the finale speech is practically a word for word recap of:

I think Dean legitimately believes all this; that Sam is better than him in practically every way-- smarter, more compassionate, more optimistic, possessed of a better moral compass (usually), more skilled in a variety of ways, etc. And especially that Sam is healthier than him; more of a complete, autonomous human being who would be fully able to live a "normal" life if circumstances were right, whereas he, Dean, would not be. By "you're stronger than me" (which he also tells Sam before he goes to Hell in s3) he means "capable of independence".

I have decidedly ambivalent feelings about the "Dean is Sam's Parent" reading of spn, but I do think this is a very parental type of admiration; both because of the 'I'm proud' piece and because 'I raised you to be able to outlive me' is maybe a parent's primary responsibility second only to unconditional love. And I think it's realistic and sympathetic that Dean admires these traits in Sam while simultaneously fighting tooth and nail to undermine Sam ever actually becoming fully independent as long as Dean's alive (and until the finale, even afterwards). "You're better than me; don't leave me" is honestly extremely relatable.

R.e. the 'what does Sam admire in Dean' part of the question, I think that's more complicated to explain, and I'm especially interested in what other fans think about this part. I think obviously if someone asked Sam what he admires in Dean, he'd be able to run off a list of traits. And he does sometimes mention traits he finds admirable in Dean, like in 8.14 where he says "You're not a grunt, Dean. You're a genius" and says Dean is a better hunter than either himself or their father.

But for the core of what I think Sam feels about Dean that's in the same, idk, synonym group ig, as 'admiration', I don't think 'admires' really covers it very well. It's almost more like worships. He thinks, quite simply, that Dean is good. And since he thinks that he, Sam, is fundamentally not good, he sees Dean as the final arbiter of, well, everything. Sam thinks Sam could never go on a quest like Galahad, but although it's never specifically mentioned, I think its pretty clear he believes Dean could.

I think Sam feels about Dean the way I think deeply religious people--not the kind that mouth platitudes but the kind that have really struggled with and thought long and hard about their faith--feel about God. He knows Dean makes mistakes, he knows Dean is deeply fucked up in many ways, he yells at and argues with Dean and goes behind Dean's back and lies to him and etc, all because he does truly understand that Dean's decisions are, on a practical level, sometimes honestly pretty messed up. But he also has an unshakable faith that where he, Sam, might make bad choices because he's bad, Dean will struggle but ultimately always eventually choose correctly, even if one of the steps along the way is chopping Sam's head off with Death's scythe. Because Dean is good. Sam fans (myself included) will look back on the panic room and think "wow Dean sure was living up to the family-is-hell premise on that one", but Sam will look back on it and think "he saved me".

[carolinagirl80]

I honestly don’t understand the whole “it’s just a joke”, “that’s how guys talk” like no?

First of all that’s a lame fucking excuse for his behavior. Just because you’re a fan doesn’t mean you have to protect every fucked up thing he says.

Let’s be honest non of us know them personally, we see what’s online and hear what’s said. So pretending like you know them, saying “he’s a good guy” and defending him like you do is embarrassing.

I use to be a fan of Misha. Well, more like I use to respect him as an actor and I enjoyed him in SPN. This year I had the privilege to meet him at a con. I say privilege because I know that many can’t afford to or haven’t had the opportunity.

It was so awkward, he clearly didn’t want to be there. Everything he said during his q&a catered to the audience. It was over all very fake, I still can’t understand how people feed into the stuff he says.

It really put a bad taste in my mouth. I’ve never been his biggest fan, just thought that it would be fun to meet someone, from the tv show the show I’ve loved for years. That being said if I could go back, I’d save my money instead of wasting it.

I’m not saying he wasn’t nice to me, I did have a longer interaction than others that had been in line. But as someone who hasn’t ever been an obsessive fan, I think it might have been easier not feeding into all the crap he says.

People forget that he gets paid to do this stuff. The reason why he’s a fan favorite is because of destiel. So ofc he’s going to milk it, since that’s the only thing he has to talk about.

All the questions were destiel related, he has nothing else to say about the show. Honestly I don’t think he remembers anything that happened in the show, except from all of the scenes where he can confirm that destiel is canon.

Anyway after that con I watched a few videos of other panels online, because Jensen and Jared didn’t attend the one I went to. And I have to say I agree with a lot of the things you’ve posted.

It’s clear that he tries hard to push Jared out of the picture, he forces this idea of being besties with Jensen at cons. It’s always so awkward watching them together. Most of the time Jensen just goes along with stuff Misha says, so he doesn’t have to answer the same questions about destiel being canon or not.

Jensen obviously takes his acting seriously, he played Dean for 15 years. So I don’t get when he says over and over again, that destiel isn’t a thing. That people can’t accept it and move on. I love Dean, but I’m not going to pretend I know him better than Jensen. He WAS Dean. He knows him inside and out.

Then we have Misha that eggs the fans on during these panels. It’s like Jensen tries to answer the question seriously. Then Misha swoops in makes a small joke out of it, like Jensen has no idea what he’s talking about and proceeds to talk over him. Giving them the answer they want to hear.

It even feels like he’s making fun of the fans at times, knowing that they feed into this crap and thinking it’s funny that they do.

Gives me the same vibes of Regina George saying “I love that bracelet where did you get it”. Then going back to the green room and making fun of it.

I mean he’s made fun of the show and fans before, there are literally videos or posts online.

ALSO!!! The whole thing Jensen said about it not being subtext it was clear text, has been so fucking twisted.

This has turned into more of a rant, sorry. But what I mean to say is I agree with a lot of the things you’ve said. I just don’t understand how people can’t see it? It’s so frustrating.

I don’t hate Misha, it just really really fucking bugs me, that people don’t see what he’s doing. I just don’t get that you, like others who point it out get attacked.

People go on and on about how hateful others are, then proceed to bully people online for pointing shit out? Make that make sense.

Hi Anon! Saw your other message, and yeah, I don't blame you there, but you are good, so here we go. Thank you for the message btw. Very refreshing after my last few that's for sure.

I will start by saying that I have never seen a group of people so willing to turn a blind eye to the numerous inappropriate things their fave does/says as the hellers/Misha Stans. Their mantra in life is "oh, it was just a joke". I mean, they have to say it constantly because Misha can't stop being inappropriate. He kinda has to though doesn't he? Otherwise, he couldn't keep them entertained and he'd float on off into obscurity.

Unfortunately, that requires the use of Jared and Jensen's names.

I'll start with Jensen just because I happen to already have a link ready.

So, with Jensen, he's going to play that Destiel/Cockles card as much as he possibly can. Always has, always will. Jensen has always said that Destiel doesn't exist. (Thanks to @Sammyiscat on X for posting this today, just when I needed it!)

Once upon a time, Jensen did do a little fan service and lean into it slightly during JenMish panels. However, he always made it as clear as possible how he really feels. Then the hellers called him homophobic for it. So earlier this year, as you mentioned, he called it "clear text" not subtext. He tried to be as diplomatic as possible. The unfortunate part of being diplomatic is that it allowed the hellers to twist themselves into pretzels making it sound like Jensen said the opposite of what he actually was saying.

What I find the most interesting is that in the last few years, Misha is on his best behavior around Jensen. He only runs his mouth off when Jensen isn't around. Usually when he's at a European con alone. I'd LOVE to know how that transpired. Jensen is also usually in a pretty bad mood leading up to a JenMish panel these days as well. He was surprisingly ok in Charlotte (except for that one damn question). However, let's look back on San Francisco. Remember when he ran from Misha trying to hug him?

That is the definition of an unhappy Jensen....Yet hellers, CANNOT SEE IT! How can they not see that? Anyways...I could go on and on here....

So let's move on to Jared...

Sweet silly Jared. How anyone could be mean to him I'll never know. Something has changed there too. There was a lot more joking from Misha where Jared is concerned once up a time. Now, everything Misha says about his sounds bitter and or malicious.

He loves to point out that Jared was discovered just walking down the street, or that he has no training or that he didn't go to college.

Then there was the airplane story from last month in DC. It was partially true, but heavily embellished to make Jared sound bad, and what happens every time that happens? Tons of hate descends onto Jared online. People telling him to kill himself. Just pure bullying and hate. Misha HAS to know that is what would happen.

Just this past weekend he mocked him: (Ignore the person who tweeted this. You don't want to go down that route)

What an asshole. I mean really. I know, I know hellers, "oh, it's just a joke" right? Let's not start the "you and your friends have no sense of humor" crap again.

As far as con experiences go? I've heard people say many times that they have had negative experiences meeting Misha. Unless you are known to him already he couldn't care less. Been there, done that, can confirm. Like I said in another post, glad I already didn't like him because I sure wouldn't now!

Edited to add another link of Jensen denying Destiel.

[livingfandomly]

Currently about to finish S9 in SPN. Now, the thing is, I’ve always been very much concerned about why people shipped Dean and Cas together (not even gonna talk about shipping Sam and Dean coz just NO) and right now I’m having a very hard time denying that y’all may be right….

I’ve always seen Dean as an extremely hetero character, I mean that man has needed sex more than oxygen for a lot of the seasons HOWEVER.. one, that sex has simmered down. And two, his relationship with Cas is obviously different from Sam’s relationship with Cas. Sam and Cas feel like brothers/friends who care about each other to the point that they’d die for one another. Cas and Dean????? They do NOT feel like brothers. Best friends, maybe. But there’s just an underlying current that makes their relation so much… more??

There’s also these little niblets of moments where the interactions between them move so far beyond simple friendship and into love. I mean, the fact that when Naomi was training/brainwashing Cas she made him kill ONLY Dean. Literally hundreds of times. And yet, when it came down to it he couldn’t do it. And Dean was literally just like “I’m not fighting you. Kill me if that’s what it’s gotta be”. Very normal behaviour.

Plus, right now Cas called Sam and Dean to talk about angels getting the choice to join Metatron or die and called them to help track Gadreel. Fully normal conversation going on between Cas and Sam until Dean said something and Cas’s whole face relaxes, he forgets his conversation with Sam and literally just sighs out “hi Dean” AND AND Dean looks at Sam and Sam gives Dean a whole side eye and Dean goes “hi Cas” right in the middle of a fucking conversation both these sighing idiots just felt like they HAD TO acknowledge each other????????

Plus. When Cas found out about Dean’s mark he was so fucking concerned. Boy looked like he wanted to cry??

Anyway…. I don’t know if the writers started playing into this just because the fandom clubbed the two together or because it was always there and I was blind. But I do find myself wishing that if the writers were playing into the whole Destiel thing, that they actually went for it. Because Misha and Jensen’s chemistry is insane.

(Side note: I really shouldn’t but I love Crowley too now. Love how Dean just adopts every misfit/outsider irrespective of age or gender.)

[aliusfrater]

sammary hcs? can be things you like to think about in connection to canon or just straight up fic porn stuff...

SORRYYY you get meta. or whatever this is 🫳

i talked about this in the tags of a poll once but sammary intrigues me in the earlier supernatural intentional gothic horror incesthorror + later seasons supernatural wwird action/comedy/adventure thing kind of way. a best of both worlds kind of way. like i think of it as an extension/perpetuation of mary kissing azazel in her father's body while unknowingly selling her son's body and quite literally creating the space for what can be seen as sam's csa metaphor but in the most literal way because this is a sexual relationship between post-resurrection!mary and sam. even moreso if you consider all the sam-mary mirrorings and parallels + the similarly motherly overtones in the simularities between her & jack's and sam & jack's relationship as well as the same overtones in mary as a symbol for sam + mary as a matriarchal figure for jack (the sam-mary 4.22 panic room scene and the 14.17 mary and jack 'tell me it's okay' scene are sisters to me). like their sexual endevors would just be blurring that line further either in terms of what their relationship could become ORRR in terms of their characters (both literally in terms of what they would get up to sexually and what it would metaphorically mean). this ship is like What if you lapsed them as people + their narrative structural (patriarchal & winchester familial dynamic & hunter dichotomies) roles a little further.

anyway, realistically, or in my head at least, they're less romantic and more sexual mostly from mary's side because there's a lot of friction between her and Making Sam This Way + Continuing It but also she thinks sam is fucking hot and she initially has a really hard time thinking of sam as the same son she doomed. she also thinks he's really sweet in that every time he goes out of his way to Understand ber and Forgive her or remember little things about her she kind of melts but again she struggles with it (i also like to think that her fear that sam won't forguve her perpetuates into her thinking sam's forgiveness is too good to be true, which adds to her emotional distance). sam, on the other hand, needs her to romantically acknowledge him so bad it's basically unrequited but he's also getting the weird motherly connection he needs from their sex life so it's enough to keep him hooked. their dynamic is like. they have nasty fucking sex (in a way that's not fun for the audience) and cuddle after then mary slips out of bed in the middle of the night and sam isn't surprised when he wakes up and she isn't there despite only them being in the bunker and not needing to hide it from dean but he buries his face in the sheets where she was laying and curls up real fetus position-like and his eyes water. there's a lot of emotional compartmentalisation on both their parts in a 'well at least we have a relationship we both want/are getting something out of' kind of way and this wraps around to the aspects in which they're similar in. their sex is a way to relate on their respective panic rooms and autonomy losses which are strikingly narratively similar lol but especially relating to azazel and the fissure it creates that's constantly cracking and repairing itself between them. i read a fic once where the only time sam and mary explicitly talk about it is in the impala in a kind of constipated way so my idea of this ship is like a Sure, And fix-it that's mutated into something else.

as for headcanons my favourite is that i think mary is jealous of (nonship) sam and dean and what they have and hates herself for it. when sam and dean stare at each other the whole time after sam's ressurection in 13.21 -> 13.22 and dean leads sam off to get cleaned up and they head off alone, she gets resentful about it (in a canon way i can't rightfully connect here so i'll leave it alone). it goes back to the not letting herself have anything super nonsexual w him thing. also. when mary dies sam doesn't mourn the sex.

honestlyyy this is one of those ships where you just really like both characters separately but specifically for mary and sam, it's actually crazy to me how much they mirror each other, especially when it comes to the reveal of mary's actual personality rather than her idolised version and how much That also mirrors sam's as well as how little anything was canonical done with it. it's like my brain made too much space for the sam and mary section but there was a shortage so i'm making up for it with this whole idea. i don't even want to smash them together like dolls. i'm cutting them open and connecting their intestines.

[sinner-sunflower]

SPN Sinister AU

You guys know the Sinister movies? With the entity that takes children, possesses them, and makes them kill their family?

I just got an idea for that but with the Winchesters.

It could be them settling down for a while in this house where a family was killed. It was abandoned and no one was there for miles so John thought it would be a good temp base for a few months.

They've been following a trail of a creature who is killing families and abducting a child from each family. John decides to take this hunt because he thinks it might be a demon and related to Mary's death. They've finally caught up to the killings to this no name town in the middle of bumfuck, USA. He enrols Sam and Dean to school and takes a part time job as a mechanic for the time being.

While left alone at the house, Sam finds a box of films in the attic, each with their own seemingly innocent titles.

Logically, he knows he should tell Dean or his dad about this, but next thing he knows, he's putting it in the projector and watching the first film.

It's disturbing and terrifying but he couldn't turn it off. He almost vomited twice before it finished.

He's not stupid. This has got to be related to the thing his dad is hunting. He needs to show this to Dad. He can save people with this.

.

Dean and Dad came home, the box stayed in the attic. (And he keeps watching the rest of the tapes)

Sam gets nightmares and constant night terrors. Dean is beyond worried and John has a bad feeling.

Sam gets moody. He snaps at Dad but that's normal, but then he also snaps at Dean. He says stuff to Dean like the urge to hurt the annoying squirrel in the backyard. Dean sticks to him like glue because he has a sinking feeling.

Sam won't eat, drink, sleep. He scribbles concerning signs and symbols on the walls and looks a little too long at their arsenal.

They still haven't got a clue on what this creature is but there's not doubt in their minds that it's what's messing with Sam.

It gets so bad that John decided to abandon this hunt and let someone else take care of it for the safety of his son.

They leave first thing in the morning.

Settling down on one of Rufus' many cabins across the country, Sam begins to show signs of health again.

Dean is beyond relieved and John is just tired.

One night, he's in his room, head in hands and documents all over the desk. Dean and Sam are in the living room watching a movie. He was taking a sip of his coffee when his phone rang.

Bobby.

He picks up to a frantic Bobby and the roar of an engine.

"It's Bughuul! Babylonian pagan ancient deity, like really ancient! It consumes souls of children!"

"Figured as much Bobby. Took the boys outta there as soon as I found out."

"You don't understand, John! That's the problem. You moved!"

"What?"

"The patterns! Each of the families experienced shit in the previous victims' homes but the killings only happened when they moved! I'm almost there but you didn't save them John! You moved up the timeline!"

Suddenly John felt a wave of dizziness. He looks at his coffee and finds a strange liquid in it. He shoots up, staggering out of the room to where his sons were.

He finds Dean passed out on the floor, movie still playing, but no Sam?

He falls to the ground and sees his youngest's bare feed and pajamas in front of him. Then nothing.

John wakes bound by ropes. He's laying on his back to something hard, wood?

He looks around and sees Dean in the same position, awake and freaking out.

"Dad! What the fuck is going on?!"

Now that he can see Dean fully, he knows now in what kind of position they are.

'A Hunter's funeral pyre.'

"Dad! Where's Sammy??!"

"Dean, it's the thing we were hunting. It got Sammy possessed. We need to get out of here now before he kills us."

"It got Sam?! What- before who kills us?!"

Sam then comes out pointing camera at them, Bughuul behind him looking at them menacingly.

Dean is shouting for Sam but his brother is under the creature's control. They're both flailing now and John only hopes Bobby arrives on time and finds them.

Sam puts down the camera to pour gasoline of their pyres.

"Sam! Sammy please snap out of it!"

"Shit!"

Sam lights a match.

But before he could throw it to set them aflame, Bobby arrives and hit him in the head, making him fall unconscious to the ground.

----------

Not really sure how this will end cos the movies never killed Bughuul. But this is Bobby so he might find an obscure exorcism or smth and expels the hold on Sam.

[according2thelore]

i am super curious if you are interested in how the younger sam & dean handle conflict between the older two? are they picking sides or avoiding the room? i just feel like the later seasons sam&dean fight DIFFERENT and it would be jarring and strange and uncomfortable for the early seasons to see.

ooh that's a great question!

i mentioned this super briefly at the VERY beginning, but i completely agree--LS!Sam&Dean fight differently. for them, almost every fight is a drag-down all-out, tears-in-my-eyes, or i can't lose you, why don't you believe in us too, or if you want to hunt, let's hunt but we can't be brothers.

the emotional stakes--while less grounded in relatable things to the audience (S1 arguing over a parent's perceived neglect/heroism vs S9 you let an angel possess me and i can't forgive you for that)--appear much more intense in the later seasons because there's so much more baggage there. (despite my personal preference for sam & dean arguing about sam being put down like a dog in s2 but i digress)

for ES!Sam&Dean i'm sure it's super confusing and frightening and strange, because these are the things they don't say out loud. they talk around a lot of the big stuff (i'm thinking "be my brother again because...just because") whereas in the later seasons they call each other out specifically on how much they care for each other ("what about me? would you trade me?").

LS!Sam says, "after everything that we've seen, after all the shit i've done, and the shit that i've had to live through--" ES!Sam&Dean can fucking feel it like a detonation. there are depths here that they cannot understand, layers and layers of sediment and fear and love and forgiveness and grudges that have shaped them into completely different people.

ES!Sam&Dean argue and it's mostly petulant and earnest--stop treating me like a kid! let me look out for you, too! be my brother again! dad was a dick, and he didn't take care of us like he should've!

LS!Sam&Dean argue and it's bloody and hurtful--you killed my friend, after i asked you not to and i can't look at you right now. you didn't look for me when you thought i was dead. i can't trust you.

as for how the ES!boys would handle it, i think they would be flabbergasted. it's like watching your parents fight (which of course only dean knows). it's very personal, but alien at the same time. they feel blows land, but don't know where they come from. they would avoid that room at all costs if they can.

but at the same time, some strange force keeps pulling them back until they're standing at the doorway, because it kind of feels like someone's talking about you when you're not there. the curiosity of knowing what they think about you is too great.

at the end of it, it's the magnitude of the fight. if they're snippy at each other, they would immediately abandon all alliances and join with their older selves, because it feels good and fun and familiar to snap back and forth.

but if it's serious--it hurts to look at them. it hurts more to hear.

honestly, if LS!Sam&Dean have a fight and storm off, ES!Dean is slinking into LS!Sam's room later that night like "🥺 i'm sorry man 🥺 you know i love you right 🥺 are you mad at me?" because he can't help but flinch hard whenever LS!Sam shouts dean! come on! in his grown-up voice during the fight.

but ES!Sam is kind of inconsolable, honestly. he's not used to being on the outs with dean. there was stanford, for sure, but that was more sam's choice than anything. phones work two ways, and sam has never really been confronted with a dean that's that doesn't want to see him. they had fights for sure when they were younger, and hit and bit and screamed at each other, but LS!Dean's anger is different. it's consuming, it's massive, it blots out the sun. i'm sure ES!Sam has to talk to ES!Dean for a little bit about unimportant shit to function again after he sees the rage in LS!Dean's eyes as they slid off of LS!Sam and onto ES!Sam.

this was long! but i have so many thoughts about fighting between Sam&Dean and how that changes so much throughout the show, and how ES!Sam&Dean would react! this ask was delicious!!! nom nom nom.

thank you, anon! <3 brilliant!

-lizzy

[horrorshow]

happy wincest wednesday! what do you think is sam's freakiest kink?

consensual somnophilia. but let me build up to that.

in general sam is more dominant and he likes dean as an actively engaging and happy bed partner so on a basic level his kinks are strongly related to dean's pleasure. it's pretty much 'whatever dean lets him get away with'. when dean loses his snark and he willingly lets himself get manhandled, pinned down, put into bendy positions or follow orders, you can count on it it feeds sam's lil powertripping dominant alpha brain. so whatever sam has to do to get dean there and ENJOY that, doesn't really matter (spoiler: it's not much bc dean is easy like that). it can get intense when he's pushing boundaries, but its not really all that kinky bc sam can do the bare minimum for maximum results here. if anything he's holding himself back.

(related to that, i absolutely think sam has a size kink and he nuts a bit harder when comparing dick sizes and seeing he's bigger, and knowing he's strong enough to pick dean up and hold him up when dean throws his legs around his waist etc)

hunting probably gave them some kinks as well, so the occasional hand cuffs, bondage, blind folds, choking, bit of impact play etc will be part of their routine. which i love to think and read about, but realistically speaking, won't happen too often. it's something that only works when they're both in the mood for it, and even when they are, it's nothing too extreme. sam doesnt like to seriously hurt dean or cause him pain.

where i think the interesting kinks come in is that so much of sam’s love and desire for dean has been wrapped around dean and dean’s sex life since sam was a kid. in my mind sam and dean slept in the same bed as kids/teenagers (c’mon, it’s just practical on the road) and dean was sexually active from a young age (regardless of whether you think he was sexually abused, did sex work, had random hookups, or, as i think, all three). and i think sam has unknowingly been giving dean aftercare long before sam even fully had an understanding of what it was exactly that dean did. sam would be sleeping and dean would climb into his bed late at night, smelling like sex and booze and other people, and sometimes he was happy and content, and sometimes he was a bit out of it or shaken up, and sam, recently trained in what Monsters and Horrors are out there, did the sensible thing he could do: check if dean was okay or injured. dean was always a bit softer those times at night, would allow and even welcome sam’s caressing touches, coming down after an intense fuck and longing for comfort, and sam would notice and trace the bruises and bite marks and hickeys, and if they woke up limbs entangled, shut up, they didn’t cuddle, and while nothing about this started as sexual, it did fill sam with worry and protectiveness and confusion and anger at whoever did this to him, over time turning into jealousy and desire when he had his own sexual awakening.

what i’m trying to say: sam LOVES to mark dean up. in general but SPECIFICALLY after dean had sex with someone else. sam doesn’t mind if dean has sex with other people as long as there isnt any further emotional connection and dean comes home to him, and when he does, sam loves making sweet love to a sloppy already used blissed out dean, marking up the same spots the person before him did, pressing, kissing, nibbling, biting, sucking, ejaculating, licking, and rubbing his chin all over him like a cat, and pamper him until the traces and marks left by anyone else are all reclaimed and dean tastes and smells like dean again (or... like sam, but to them thats probably the same thing). therapeutic and fulfilling to all his teenage desires. bit weird and freaky? probably. kinky? idk

(adding to this: i’d say sam’s FREAKIEST kink is probably biting hard and lapping up the blood, he’d find tasting dean’s blood on his tongue extremely erotic, but.... there’s too much shame and guilt there to enjoy it bc of the whole ruby and demonblood fiasco, and he’s convinced this kink  is a hard no for dean and dean would judge him for it, so he keeps that one locked away)

so. FREAKIEST kink  (at least to sam) they WOULD do: in this whole scenario its also realistic to assume sam woke up to sounds of dean having sex in the other bed often as a kid, and i think that made him feel helpless and scared, bc he had NO idea what was really going on there. and i think nothing gets sam harder now than sitting on top of a sleeping dean, in the dark, and explore dean’s body, hearing dean making those same noises for HIM, and knowing that they’re safe and okay bc sam has got him now, knowing he’s no longer the confused scared boy who woke up to these weird noises but the one in control now. as if he’s been competing with all those others before him (especially those who took advantage of dean) and sam won. and that makes him rock hard. which makes this an ugly and shameful thing for him, bc a secret part of him will always wonder if he’s any better than his father or any of those other men, especially if there was also incest between his father and dean, or if sam was present to any other abusive sexual situations. and that’s why he can’t have dean awake. it’s a private thing between sam and his demons, and he needs to be able to explore dean at his own pace, away from prying eyes or judgement, cause if anyone would see him he’d feel like a creep. which is unnecessary bc the sex itself wouldn’t be any freakier than any of my earlier bullet points (it’s all very loving, and he wouldn’t do anything dean wouldn’t want him to; if dean WAS awake he’d probably ask sam to stop boring him and get on with it), but the connotations are, and sam feels weird and guilty about it afterwards (also bc it’s so different to what usually gets him going), but not enough to stop bc this is an internal battle he has to make peace with and the only way to make peace with it is to enjoy it and work through that guilt, and for dean this kink would be a non-issue, if you’d ask him how he’d feel about waking up to an orgasm, he’d probably throw sam a party, so yes, they would do this. 

one other addition: i think one of dean’s freakier kinks is the kink variant of munchausen by proxy, and i think sam LOVES to indulge dean in this, especially when sam’s down and depressed and he feels like he’s losing his mind, nothing is more comforting to him than to revert back to being a little brother sometimes and suck poison off dean’s fingers and let dean take care of him. kiss me dean before i’m sick and all that. so that one would rate pretty high on the freaky kink list for him as well, even though it’s a rare one and he’d never initiate it.

[zacharyleigh316]

making a list, checking it twice

making a list, checking it twice | Teen and Up | 2.6K | Read here (or below cut)

Another holiday tradition born for the Winchester family.

“I want to write a letter to Santa.” Jack announced to the room, making Dean look up from the book he was reading.

They were in the library, pouring over the copious amounts of books and folders of lore the Men of Letters had stashed upon the shelves — “think of it as spring cleaning” Sam had said to them that morning over breakfast, after suggesting they could be kept occupied by doing some ‘light’ organizing, “but it’s winter, not spring”, and before making himself scarce, fucking off to who knows where, nowhere to be found when the time actually came to clean, “that’s why I said to think of it as spring cleaning, Dean,” came his brother’s ‘matter of fact’ reply, in that particular tone of his (you know the one), and “winter cleaning then,” Castiel supplied afterward, rather unhelpfully, but who was Dean to ever deny the angel anything, especially with that smile on his face, so here he was — and Jack met Dean’s eye, eyes twinkling with a startling amount of determination, as if they’d made an earth shattering revelation just now, one that wasn’t even related to what they were supposed to be doing.

“What was that?” Dean asked, as if he hadn’t heard the kid correctly the first time.

“I’d like to write a letter to Santa. That is what the kids do for Christmas isn’t it?”

“Uh, yeah, guess so,” Dean furrowed his brows, “but we’re not exactly the poster child for what most normal people do for, well, anything really.”

“Hm, true, but I’d still like to write one, if I can.”

“You can do whatever you want, kid, no one is gonna stop you.” Dean said, about to go back to his appraisal of his book, but paused.

“You know you could just tell us what you wanted. For Christmas. You don’t have to write a letter to Santa.” 

Jack smiled, and nodded, seemingly undeterred regardless of what Dean had to say about it. 

“I know.”

“Alright.” Dean said rather awkwardly, and was to the first to break eye contact. 

However, upon looking back down at his book, he found that he couldn’t even read the damn thing anymore, staring at the same grouping of words—of what creature Dean couldn’t even tell you—for some time without taking anything in; he just had to know.

“Jack, why Santa?”

“Why not?” They shrugged, expression earnest, and Dean’s jaw clenched with the force of all his self restraint.

This kid wasn’t very forthcoming, were they? Getting any sort of explanation from them was like pulling teeth. 

Of course it wasn’t the kid’s fault, they were just like that, and Dean was no stranger to it, after all, he had years experience with the kid’s father, and normally he didn’t mind it, but there was a time and place for everything, and when you were trying to ask questions (whilst skirting around the glaringly obvious “Santa ain’t real” conversation like it was a marquee sign with blinding, blinking, twinkly lights—Jack was still a kid when it came down to it) it was like stepping through a minefield. You’d think devoting your life to fighting monsters would make shit like this easy.

It did not.

“Sure,” Dean nodded, closing the book he was clearly done with for now, and leaned back in his chair, “but what if…Santa can’t get you what you ask for?”

“You mean if he isn’t real?”

Oh. 

Guess it wasn’t that hard after all, Dean thought, unable to stop the look of surprise on his face.

“I wasn’t gonna say that.” He muttered.

“It’s okay, Dean.” Jack chuckled. “But even if he doesn’t, I still want to. Just in case.”

“Just in case…what, exactly?” Dean asked,  brow raised curiously.

“Who’s to say what’s real and what’s not? Belief is about having faith, is it not? People believe in things, because having faith also means having hope. And when one doesn’t hope, it means we’ve given up, which is sad. I don’t like being sad.”

Dean chuckled. “Makes sense.”

“Besides, people might not have proof that the things they believe in exist, but that doesn’t mean they don’t. I’m a nephilim, and I exist. Angels and demons exist. Monsters exist. Many people don’t believe in the supernatural, and yet we’re still real. We hunt monsters for a living.”

“Can’t argue with you there.” Dean agreed, nodding.

“If all this still exists despite that, how can we say if Santa is real or not, either? I choose to believe. I have faith in him, and hope he’ll get my letter. Nothing bad can come from trying.” Jack finished, leaving an impressed Dean speechless.

“Damn, kid. That’s some sound logic.” He managed after a while, with an amazed whistle. 

“Thank you.” Jack beamed.

“Alright,” Dean said, quickly shifting gears, “enough of the philosophical, grown up talk, Aristotle, let’s write some letters to Santa.” 

“Really?” They asked, sounding hopeful. 

And damn if Dean wasn’t just as weak to this kid as he was to Castiel.

“Hell, you said yourself kid. Why the fuck not? And when you’re done, we’ll address it to the North Pole, and I’ll take you to the mailbox.”

Jack nodded. “I’d like that.”

And so, with a clap of his hands, Dean stood up and made his way over to the other side of the table to Jack. They found some paper, and a pen that Dean figured was probably Sam’s, lying around, made easy by the fact that they were already in the library, and put it to good use as they went about writing Jack’s letter to Santa.

The kid’s handwriting was pretty shit, but then again, Dean’s penmanship wasn’t anything to write home about either, and though slightly more legible, it was more authentic if Jack did it—plus Dean didn’t want to reap the nephilim the chance to do it themself. Jack was pretty excited about this, perhaps for some reason beyond Dean’s understanding, but he was young once too, and had been invested in making the holidays both ‘merry and bright’, if not for himself then for Sam, since the absence of their dad had saved John from any and all responsibility to pass the holiday bug around to his sons, so Dean could do this—at the very least—for his own kid. He was there in case Jack needed his help, and that was enough.

When Jack finished, they folded the letter up and put it in an envelope addressed to Santa, just like he promised. And if it helped Jack feel a little more like a normal kid, then that was a success in Dean’s book.

“Hey kid, you all set to go get it delivered?”

“Yes, I think so.” Jack replied with a nod, smiling down at the letter in their hands.

Dean chuckled and reached out, giving their shoulder and friendly pat, and squeezed. “Then let’s make sure Santa gets his letter.”

They headed to the garage and slipped into Baby, her leather cool and smooth, and Dean turned the key into the ignition, sending the kid a wink from across the bench seat as she roared to life. Her rumbling purr never failed to soothe that barely there ache in his soul, that itch he got every once and while, just under his skin. Jack patted her dash with a soft, appreciative smile, and Dean bit his cheek to hide the overwhelming bout of fondness that rattled against the cage of his chest, making his heart thrum in time with Baby’s idling.

“Wanna get some ice cream and hot cocoa after we send your letter?” Dean asked then, unable to help himself, a little bit of that fondness seeping out into the edges of him.

“Can they have the big marshmallows?” 

Dean laughed. “I don’t know if anybody does that, but tell you what kid, we can pick up some big marshmallows for our own hot cocoa on the way home.” He said as they pulled out, and though Jack didn’t reply, their resulting grin was answer enough.

Their posts in the library were left abandoned and forgotten.

Jack practically skipped to the mailbox at the post office, and, with Dean by their side, dropped the sealed envelope inside. 

“You really think Santa will get it? That the post delivers all the way there?”

Dean shrugged. “I don’t see why not, it’s a place right? And all places get mail. Besides, you could probably deliver it yourself if you wanted to.” 

Jack did have wings, that was, they were part angel. They honestly could just fly to the North Pole, and deliver the letter to Santa directly.

Jack looked thoughtful, brows furrowed.

“Oi, don’t get any ideas, kid. You said you wanted to experience this like a normal kid, and regular kids who aren’t nephilim have to wait for the post.” Dean added quickly, eyeing his kid skeptically.

“I know.” Jack said simply, before turning to wave at a woman who was watching them off to the side.

Christ this kid was something else, Dean thought to himself, internally shaking his head with an exasperated fondness, not too unlike the feeling from before.

However, externally, Dean’s hackles raised, and he instinctively stepped closer to Jack, like a mama bear protecting her young from a stranger who, may or may not, be hostile, and/or pose a threat.

“Hi!” Jack chirped, either unaware of Dean’s sudden change in demeanor, or just not commenting on it, in lieu of greeting said stranger. He really needed to teach this kid not to just talk to every random person they met.

“Hello.” She greeted back politely, apparently entirely nonplussed at the big, burly, six foot figure that imposed intimidation behind the kid’s left shoulder.

“Is this your son? Is he sending a letter to Santa?” She asked Dean, who crossed his arms, not backing down just yet.

“My kid, yeah,” he corrected, watching the lady’s face for any tells, “it’s their first time, actually. We never really celebrated Christmas, didn’t have the time between traveling…for work. But they wanted to try something new this year, so.” 

“Well then, you have a really great dad.” She said sweetly to Jack, who nodded enthusiastically.

“I do.” They agreed easily, and Dean looked at them, eyes wide in surprise.

They thought he was a great dad? Dean didn’t feel all that great, hell, didn’t think he was even that good, but Jack said it so effortlessly.

“He’s taking me out for ice cream and hot chocolate next!”

“Ooo,” she laughed, a light, bubbly sound that was genuine enough for Dean to finally settle, “you two have fun then. I won’t keep you any longer.”

Before she left, the woman leaned forward and whispered conspiratorially to Jack, in that fake ‘not at all quiet’ way people did when what they were about to say wasn’t actually a secret, “I’m sure Santa will get your letter. You seem like a very sweet kid.” 

It took a second for Dean to realize she had answered Jack’s question for him, and they watched her go, Dean only snapping out of it when he felt Jack’s hand slip into his. They were looking up at him with a smile, holy shit this kid was always smiling, but Dean was, once again, weak willed against it, and decided to allow it. 

They walked down the street to the diner for their sundaes and hot chocolate—with the mini marshmallows, “they’re just as good as the big ones,” and who was Dean to argue with that logic either—and returned to the bunker later full in more ways than one.

Sam finally returned from wherever sometime later, sputtering about at how nothing had gotten done, but shut up once Jack told him what they did instead, soft on the kid just the same as were they all, had always been from the start, and Dean resolutely ignored the way his brother looked at him for it. 

Castiel wasn’t spared from the explanation of their day either, Jack recounting in detail what they did at bedtime, Cas looking rather pleased from where he sat on edge of Jack’s bed, engaged fully, attention rapt despite the childlike, long windedness of it all. He was always amazing at that, paying attention to, and hanging on, your every word. It was one of the reasons why people loved him.

Why Dean loved him.

“Did they tell you what they wished for?” Dean asked when Cas slipped into bed, after tucking Jack in for the night.

“No, they didn’t say.”

“Damn. They were talking for hours. We didn’t even do that much today.” He said, impressed.

Cas chuckled, reaching over to drag his hand along the side of Dean’s face, smiling when he leaned into his palm. 

“Maybe not, but it was important to them. They needed to make sure we knew that.”

“They were really excited. Made me believe in Santa.”

“Mm.” Cas hummed, sounding amused.

“Shoulda heard them today Cas, they made some solid points. They’re a smart kid.”

“They are, yes.” Cas agreed.

“You think Santa’ll really get the letter?”

“I don’t know.” He said honestly, and their eyes met. “But I have faith he will.”

Dean grinned. “Yeah. Faith. Funny. They said that too.”

“Seems to be our motto, don’t you think?” Cas mused, happily accepting the answering kiss.

“Think we’ll make this a tradition. Get the whole family in on it. Whatcha think?”

Cas smiled at Dean as he yawned, and the two of them snuggled close together, just as they did every night. 

“I think that sounds wonderful.”

———

Dear Santa,

My name is Jack Kline. My mother was Kelly Kline, but she’s in Heaven now, and though I miss her, I know she’s safe and happy there. You know that, don’t you? I can only assume you’re omniscient, if the song is to be believed. 

But it’s okay because I have a bigger family now, to fill in the gaps. Though my last name is Kline, I’m a Winchester. But you probably know that too, right?

Anyway, I don’t know if you deliver presents to nephilim, oh yeah I’m a nephilim by the way, but I promise I’ve been good. Did I make it on your list? I hope so, but if I didn’t that’s okay too, I didn’t want much. I already have what I wanted. 

But if you’re still in the business of granting wishes, all I wanted to ask for was to bring my family together for Christmas. We don’t really celebrate the holidays, because we’re always busy hunting, but they’ve worried about everyone else long enough that they deserve a break too (plus I think it would be nice to have a normal family Christmas like they do in the hallmark movies Dean secretly enjoys watching). 

P.S. Dean is one of my dads! 

But yeah, that’s all Santa. 

Love,

Jack.

P.P.S. Okay I lied, I know that’s pretty bad, and I’m sorry Santa, but I also really want a snow globe, because I think they’re cool.

———

Dean yawned, still weary from sleep, as he entered the kitchen Christmas morning, and started the coffee pot, leaning against the counter to support his heavy, sleep-addled limbs. It was still early enough that everyone else in the bunker was asleep, giving Dean the chance to make breakfast for his family. And despite his caffeine deprivation, soon to be cured by the glorious pot of bean juice currently brewing, he found himself oddly cheery, a bubbly sort of excitement simmering just beneath the surface.

He poured himself a cup when the machine was done, and, after a long, satisfying gulp of the black, bitter slosh, Dean turned around to start about making their actual breakfast, stopping short when he noticed that, just over there, on the dining table, sat comfortably right in the middle like a centerpiece, was a snow globe, gently falling, sparkling snow over a family and their black car, within.

[girlreviews]

Review #263: Tracy Chapman, Tracy Chapman

You don’t get artists like Tracy Chapman come along too often, and it’s infuriating when they do, because you see the same old shit play out. People are threatened by their mere presence and the idea that they can make something so incredible, but especially that it might give marginalized people a voice. This record came out the year I was born, so it’s approaching its 36th birthday. It’s both unsurprising and also a little devastating at how relevant it remains in 2024. I’ll start by saying: I love it, her, I always have, and I have so many memories attached to this record. Some so sad and some really sweet, all really tender.

But I have something to say about both music critics and general white fragility when it comes to Tracy. Here’s a 1988 review from renowned critic Robert Christgau, self proclaimed “Dean of American Rock Critics” (are American rock critics some kind of authority too? Why’s that? Interesting.):

"Fast Car" is so far-seeing, "Mountains o' Things" so necessary, that it's doubly annoying when she puts her name on begged questions like "Why" and "Talkin' Bout a Revolution." Maybe I should be heartened and so forth that Intelligent Young People are once again pushing naive left-folkie truisms, but she's too good for such condescension--even sings like a natural. Get real, girl. B MINUS”

Where to begin? Firstly, that is the entire review. So you want to talk about condescension, Robert? You can start by referring to Tracy Chapman as a grown woman, which she is, and was, in 1988. And critic you may be, but you’ve never written a review that’s even half as good as Talkin’ Bout A Revolution, which is more relevant today than any of your writing. Why was about apartheid. Maybe you had the luxury of not giving a fuck. Assigning grades? B minus? Get real, boy.

Curious what grade you gave Paul Simon’s Graceland, an album recorded during apartheid, some in South Africa with an array of African musicians who he then toured with. This was both criticized and praised. The point is, it was very political, not in content so much, but in creation. So, when it’s done by an egotistical white man? Listen, I love Graceland but don’t think I won’t be looking into that with some serious side-eye. OH WHAT A FUCKING SURPRISE, PAUL SIMON’S 1986 GRACELAND RECEIVED AN A. Fuck all the way off, and then fuck off some more.

This album isn’t for you. Has it ever occurred to you that not every piece of music was made to be consumed by you? And to be declared worthy by you? Jesus fucking Christ, the audacity. She’s singing about poverty, the kind most people will never truly know. The traumatic kind. She’s singing about domestic violence, you know, the kind typically perpetrated by men against women and that too often takes their lives. She’s singing about a tense relationship with the police. She’s singing about escaping dire situations with a glimmer of hope that she might finally belong, that she might finally “be someone”… Only to find herself in seemingly just as dire ones. Do you relate, Robert? Let’s go back to 1988 and you just sit this one out. To be clear, it’s not entirely for me either! But when you have that awareness, you can hear something and still appreciate it. It’s not that hard.

Fast Car was still on the radio a good bit when I was growing up, and again, I think my Mom played this record from time to time. But my real connection to Tracy Chapman came to me in two different ways: VH1’s Pop Up Video, which I watched every single day before I went to school. Over and over, the same episodes. There was an episode that featured Fast Car, and I remember just being floored by the little facts that popped up. Her life had been so unbelievably difficult, with challenge after challenge — which is pretty damn clear in the song. The thing I always remember is that as a young girl, she had saved up her money to buy a guitar, and then her best friend stole it. As stupid as it sounds I think about that all the time. Anyway, this song is special, and everyone knows it, it’s massive, but it’s something different to everyone. Can anyone relate specifically to what she’s describing? Probably somebody, somewhere. Maybe lots of people. But I can tell you that I listened to this song curled up in my bed pretending to be asleep with tears streaming down my face. Wishing that some parts of it weren’t true for me, and wishing that some parts of it were. It’s both a gut punch and a cup of tea between my cold hands.

The second way was Baby Can I Hold You, which, and this kind of cracks me up, was covered by Irish boyband Boyzone in the 90s. Little baby me was pretty into Boyzone, but eventually learned that the original artist was Tracy Chapman. Obviously, her version is better. It hurts my feelings. Is it someone declaring their feelings? Or is it someone communicating the experience of an emotionally unavailable partner, and the words they long to hear? Either way, there’s an ache in it, and it’s beautiful.

Tracy Chapman has been having a major resurgence, because a white male country artist covered Fast Car and as a result an entire new generation of young people are being moved by it. While I kind of wish there wasn’t a cover like this at all, it’s been nice to see Luke Combs give Tracy Chapman the spotlight she deserves and make it her moment. They seem to have a sweet and thoughtful relationship, and he truly loved the record when it came out. He had it on cassette. It was really something to see Tracy on stage at the Grammys smiling, thriving, looking beautiful as ever and singing with that voice just shutting everybody the hell up. I also appreciate that he kept the genders the same in his cover. I’d love to know whether he chose that or whether she insisted upon it. Either way, it was the right call.

Chances are you’ve heard Fast Car, and maybe even Baby Can I Hold You. Don’t be a dweeb, this record is significant and I really believe you’re missing out if you go through your life without listening to it, but it’s your call. I’d like to personally thank Tracy Chapman and VH1’s Pop Up Video for their contributions to my life and the content of my brain. I love you both so very much.

[eisforeidolon]

https://www.tumblr.com/eisforeidolon/718435014496354304/sure-you-can-interpret-deans-sexuality-however

I was literally called biphobic by a heller because I said in canon Dean is straight. She squalled about how she’s bi and Dean is so special to her because he is just like her, and just because he doesn’t act on his attraction to me it doesn’t mean he can’t be bi.

Like, bish please, he says he doesn’t swing that way specifically at least twice, and in other words a bunch more times. Dean. Says. He. Is. Only. Into. Women.

Also, another person on this same forum chipped in with suggesting not using the word canon because it’s triggering. 👀. Only if you hate the text of the story. 🙄

It really isn’t a difficult concept to grasp. And, for real, like whatever you want and ship your little heart out, but stop screaming how it’s canon when it isn’t, and how if you don’t support it you’re a bigot. It’s insane.

Also, you noting how he could tick a box and they’d still explain it away. Well, on the hook-up App his profile says “interested in: women.” What do they do? Photo-shop it to say men!

Ugh!!

Sorry for the rant, but I feel you on your frustration with this.

I'm sorry you had to put up with that, anon. I was a multishipper until I got pissed off at all the posts shouting you had to be a homophobe to think canon detestiel wasn't a thing, but at least it wasn't done on a personal level.

Oh, man, I just find that kind of bizarre projected overattachment-as-interpretation so fucking weird and off-putting. "I'm bisexual and I see myself in Dean, so Dean must be bisexual! I was abused as a child and John reminds me of my abuser, so John must have canonically done X type of abuse!" As if any character is remotely relatable to you then they have to be exactly like you/your experiences in all the details? What an absolutely bizarre and myopically self-centered way to engage with fiction. Like, with a perspective like that do you get that other people than you exist and have different experiences, even when they might have some things in common, too? Just ... IDGI and I don't want to.

I also just can't with the idea that the word canon is triggering. I ... can't. As if it hurts you that there's a source material that doesn't match the fantasies you made up in your head instead?! What.

Again, yeah, the problem isn't the ship at all. It's that they can't just stay in their lane and be remotely normal about it - trying to insist it's canon despite the actual canon because [giant pile of horseshit, projection, stereotypes, and wishing reallll hard] and insisting anyone who refuses to play along with their make-believe must be a bigot. I don't care if people ship a ship I personally can't stand anymore, I care when they're fucking delusional flaming assholes about it.

And don't even get me started on how they wail about being queerbaited and then do shit like photoshopping that screenshot to say men to quite possibly actually queerbait other fans into believing it's legit canon. Ugh.

[quietwingsinthesky]

something very tragic about how Dean’s worldview (ie that people are what they are rather than the product of what they do, that they cannot change being what they are, that what they do never matters if fundamentally, deep down, they are Bad because inevitably they will always backslide due to their nature) is one of the biggest things that prevents him from growing as a person. The infamous “I’m poison” speech is the obvious moment of it, where Dean doesn’t acknowledge that what he did to Sam was wrong, but instead decides that it’s what he is that’s wrong, that there’s no way for him to make good choices that will let the people around him love him and be safe.

This, like a lot of how he sees the world, is the product of hunting — it’s the only way he can keep doing his job without collapsing in on himself by considering that the monsters they’ve killed might have had a chance to become better if they’d had other options. They have to be Evil, they have to be the bad guys. (and Dean likes stories where the bad guy always loses at the end, there’s comfort in the simplicity of it.) Dean himself occupies a space of Good in relation to what he kills, but Bad in relation to other people. He’s carved out his own little space there so that he can alienate himself from everyone, put himself into a little box where he can never change and can only keep doing what he’s doing forever. Where he knows he will never be loved for long, so he can instead make the hard choices that keep other safe, and if they end up hating him for that, then they were always going to hate him anyway because he’s. poison. (ex. Sam & Gadreel situation, but also everything with Lisa & Ben.)

The problem is that people don’t actually work like this. He can rationalize away his own actions, he will always live in his box, but that’s a lot harder to do for other characters like Cas, Benny, Sam. How I wish they hadn’t deleted that scene where Benny confesses to Dean that he drank from a person because it would have made that whole situation infinitely more complex. Dean’s view of Benny is definitely that he’s Not Like Other Vampires: Benny doesn’t hurt people, Benny hunts vampires and the other monsters in Purgatory, Benny tries to assimilate into human life as best he can. That’s what allows Dean to move him from one category to the next, into someone who is Good, not a monster, not inherently evil, and therefore, someone Dean should be allowed to have a continuing relationship with no matter what Sam says and who Dean will not believe is killing people despite them having the bare minimum of evidence that he is that they’d normally use to hunt anything else. And then, if they’d just had that one scene proving to Dean that Benny’s not special, that when backed into a corner, yeah, he’ll do what he has to to survive, he needs to fucking eat. Idk. It would have been my favorite part of their whole arc tbh. Is remorse for his actions enough for Dean to keep him in his mind as a good person, or is it the willingness to sacrifice for Sam, or does having a close relationship with Benny give Dean the wiggle room to start questioning his worldview. Unfortunately, canonically, that scene doesn’t exist, so we don’t get to know lol.

I want to write out a whole thing for Cas, too, but honestly, it can mostly be summed up as Dean never really letting Cas into the category of Good, especially not post-s6, no matter what he does, because Dean always perceives himself on some level as needing to be able to shove Cas out in order to kill him if he goes bad again. He has. so many issues about that angel. Cas is on probationary good status with a caveat that says ‘Useful’ underneath, and the thing is that this is not something that stops Dean from seeing him as his best friend, either. He’s just Dean’s best friend that he might have to murder one day for everyone’s sakes. To me, anyway, and as the show goes on and Cas gets noticeably toothless regarding Dean’s decisions and judgement, I think he’s allowed further and further into that category.

But Sam is the really interesting one, cause I think Sam, in Dean’s head, is paradoxically in both. We can talk about Dean’s Sam-related Madonna-Whore complex another day, but what it comes down to is that Sam is always, will always, be capable of going bad and can easily be seduced into doing so and never makes the right decisions on his own, which would, for anything Dean hunts, be reason enough to put them down. But Sam is also Dean’s little brother and something to be protected, or maybe more accurately, preserved, like a butterfly pinned down with its wings spread and kept behind glass. Preserved at all costs, against Sam’s wishes and despite his protests, specifically when the cost of preserving him is something Sam has to pay. (A lot of the time when Sam does the same thing, sacrifices something to save Dean in the same way, the price isn’t something to Dean personally. It’s usually larger. It’s world-ending. Which is v interesting to me, narratively. Sam’s survival is at the cost of his autonomy where Dean’s survival reinforces his idea that he’s poisonous to the world around him, that his own life is what keeps causing all this horrible shit to keep happening to the world and to them.) So, in occupying both, the only thing Dean can do is try to keep as much control over Sam as possible to make sure he does not backslide into his inherently evil nature, and he does this because Sam will always be good, deep down, to him.

Does any of this make any fucking sense alsjdkfjfk. tl;dr: Everyone in Dean’s world has to be static on the scale of good and evil because if they weren’t, he’d be even more fucked up about all the monsters/people he has killed.

[deathclassic]

WEEKLY TAG WEDNESDAY THURSDAY!

Thanks @energievie @krysmiss @jrooc @creepkinginc @darlingian for tagging me <3

choose a fandom: Shameless

how did you first hear about it? watched the UK version when i was way too young and then when i started high school the US version came out and my entire year level was obsessed and none of us had the channel it was airing on so someone illegally downloaded it when an episode came out and we would pass it around on a USB so we could watch it LMAO

do you own any merch? does shameless even have merch? i have season 2 on dvd and stickers i drew and got printed from redbubble

what thing involving this fandom do you think non fans would be surprised to hear? it's such a huge cast,,,,william h macy, joan cusack, harry hamlin, louise fletcher, katey segal, dove cameron (briefly), jeffrey dean morgan (briefly)

favourite character? mickey! and frank

in 5 words explain why they're your fave: mickey: interesting, funny, relatable, caring, complex. Frank: weird, hilarious, entertaining, terrible, well-played

choose another fandom: Umbrella Academy

what's your least favourite thing about the source material? i dont like it when all the siblings are separated from one another until they band together for only one episode, the sibling dynamic is what makes it perfect

favourite ship: diego and lila OR allison and ray

best fanfic: anything by veteranklaus,,,,,gone but never forgotten

describe the vibe of the fandom in 5 words: lacks critical thinking and amazing

what's your name backwards? yllom

tell me how old you are the way a three year old might: im a dinosaur (i am not)

what is your favourite ice cream? vanilla

tell me something you wish more people knew about you: im really fucking anxious like all the time, it stresses me out and i dont know how to talk to people because of it and talking one on one is really hard

where is home for you? australia, some of you know where

if you could be an anthropomorphized stuffed animal, what stuffie would you want to be? i wanna be the this toy koala beanie kid i got 17 years ago and still sits in my room

the movie you wish everyone would watch: 10 things I hate about you

what makes you really emotional lately? god fucking everything!! it's christmas so i have to do everything and im tired and im not sleeping and i think my period is coming too to top it all off

are you okay? absolutely not! but hopefully after christmas i can just,,,decompress

not tagging anyone bc see above!

[kintatsujo]

Sometimes school related polls come up on my dash and I have to go "wait, no, don't put that in a stranger's notes, Kinta, that's horrifying"

Like the question "how often did you get in trouble" is a genuinely difficult thing for me to answer with the standard assumptions a lot of people make

Because TECHNICALLY I was a little goody two shoes in a lot of respects

But also I got severely bullied, got a couple of detentions in grade school for fighting back, got school mandated therapy because Mom wouldn't stop complaining that I was coming home with new injuries every day

And also got like twelve detentions once because I was behaving in a threatening manner to one kid so one of his buddies decided to football tackle me into the wall and give me a concussion, and the student dean was convinced that I was evil and therefore deserved whatever punishment she could give me

Said student dean also regularly sat me down with my bullies and yelled at all of us as a group.

Said student dean ALSO wouldn't let me leave her office once until I "confessed" to "wanting the attention."

So like. "How often did you get in trouble" is really hard for me to answer properly because the student dean at my middle school was a fucking kid's book villain.

[hadesbullshit]

hi hades! i have a lot of strong opinions on a couple specific spn episodes, and id love to hear your thoughts!! i will not judge for your answers, because this show fucking sucks but also its the greatest piece of media ever so any opinion is correct objectively. ok anyways

what do you think about: faith (season 1 episode 13) , roadkill (season 2 episode 16) , and playthings (season 2 episode 11)?

I'm gonna rewatch them to ansure this (bc y be normal about media when u can go ferral) but pre rewatch: Roadkill is one of my fav eps ever.

1x12 (faith is 1x12. 1x13 is Route 666 (also a very good ep as a dean charaitor study if u do want my thoughts it)):

i forgot how much i love this ep. I'm really into religious imagery in any media. dean on deaths door in the singlar reazon I'm gay /j. Sam's desperation to save Dean was always hinted at but this ep really does the "show not tell" thing right in a way most of the show doesn't. john not coming to help dean is one of the reasons i fucking hate the guy. Dean refuses to believe there is a God pre s4 because what god would put him though everything he's been though, i love him so much. the parrales between john and god with Dean's faith in an absent father.

Quotes:"i didn't pick you dean, the lord did" "why do you deserve to live more than my daughter" "it must be ruff. to belive in somerthing so much and have it disappoint you"

2x11:

of the 3 eps this is my least favourite I'm going to be honest but i still love it so much. The twist is so good. the sibling devotion, they would rather be dead together then one of them leave (Sam and Dean prrallels). "what do you mean we look the type" is iconic (Dean vs people knowing he's bi before he does). Sam's break down, begging Dean to be the one who kills him is so well done.

2x16 (this will be looooong):

when the audience learns things after Sam and Dean/the narrative isn't chronological but we think it is, it makes the twists better. Sam wanting to ease Molly into the fact she is dead vs Dean wanting to tell her straight up bc in Sam's life knowing about monsters has only ever been a burden wear as Dean (Has not met Mary yet and doesn't know she knew about deamons) thinks, as John thinks, that he would still have his family if more people knew how to protect themselves. (i might be reading to much into that part but i am a lit & media student). then after the half way point Sam wants to tell her because she thinks David is dead and that is the worst thing in the world for her whereas Dean wants to comic to lying because telling someone the truth this far in would be hard and he cant have emotional convocations to save his life (see also; Gadreel arc).

This ep is so good for rewatching it and putting into context the things Dean says. The resolution of her letting go of the loop AAAAAA.

Every motw ep in spn has a little twist in it and using the different graves to fulfil the audience expectations only to pull the rug out from underneath with the "Molly is ALSO a ghost" .

The enphisis on the idea people are not born monsters especially in relation to Sam. "what ever it is, they just hold on too tight. caught in the same loop" (sam talking about the ghost but also him and Jessica (among others)) and "something happened to them. something they couldn't control" (sam with his whole being a deamon & yellow eyes' army in s2) bc Sam in the early seasons is insane and so full of self loathing.

The question of what happens to monsters after they die (and people) being uninsurable, beng afraid of death and the unknown feels like a nod towards s3 with dean waiting to die having no idea what will happen. "hope is kinda the whole point" them pre hell, and pre knowning just how fucked up every is AAAAAA

[according2thelore]

AGHGGGGHHHH. AHHHHHH. God doesn’t want him but Dean does!!!!! And season 1 Dean being such a loud atheist and Sam with a rosary and Dean trying to tempt him back into sin (cmon Sammy, you really think god’s biggest problem is pool sharks?) and Sam trying so hard to be good. craziness.

ARJGH

dean already thinks that sam tends to have a 'holier than thou' attitude in canon, i can only imagine how sam being literally ordained intensifies this dynamic!!!

i think dean would start small, but would get more and more aggravated as s1 goes on, as sam refuses to do the things that bonded them when they were younger. he gets onto dean for cheating people out of their money, he takes beers when dean passes them to him but won't drink, he scowls when dean makes jokes at others' expense.

dean is just desperately trying to connect with his brother again, lobbing jokes like grenades into foxholes, trying to find out what makes him tick, because sam is a stranger now. sure, he's still bitchy and they can banter, but dean can always see that split second where sam is about to say something but pauses, like he's self-correcting.

sam's ache to be what dean needs grows and grows and grows, the urge to impress him and answer dean's taunts and answer his quiet, pleased smiles, his sidelong glances becomes indomitable.

sam doesn't wear the collar on the hunt in s1e1, but dean sees him holding his chin up like it's still on, like he's constantly leashed (to another master), and it makes dean fucking furious. he starts getting mean.

and it also kind of parallels how dean's been wearing the amulet this whole time, how this whole time he's kept sam as close to his heart as he can get him, even if they haven't talked in years, and sam is letting this new burden around his neck define how he relates to dean. maybe dean grabs him by the front of the shirt, hauls him up, fingers on his neck, like on the bridge, and tells him to just be his fucking brother for a second. can't he just be his little fucking brother for a minute?

and as the hunt goes on, even though it's only a few days, sam gets caught in it. dean is magnetic in the ways that whirlpools are magnetic, like goddamn charybdis. sam wants to impress him, wants to joke and drink and make bets on which one can flirt info out of a witness.

it makes me think also about what The Incident is that makes sam come back to dean after the woman in white. is it the nervous, high school sacristan who earnestly asks sam for advice and blushes when he pats him on the back, pinned to the rafters as the sanctuary erupts in flames, showing that the YED can get them anywhere, they won't be safe anywhere?

(and does that show sam that god is only so powerful, that god only cares so much about the people under his care--that serve him? does it show sam, as dean pulls him out by his arms and voice in his ears, who will save him?)

just ARGH! priest!sam is just SO GOOD! and it also makes you think about what s5 looks like when (even if sam has abandoned his orders) lucifer's vessel is literally a PRIEST like ARGH like even though sam has CHOSEN god, the devil wants him and god wants dean to kill him??? SHUT UPPPPPPPP i'm shaking both fists at the sky

thank you for this ask anon <3 i am certainly Thinking Thoughts tonight now

-lizzy