#that's not a puritanism thing that's just being normal
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is this a safe space
almost all of the "controversy" I've seen in this fandom has been the dumbest shit ever, and people are being HARASSED OUT OF THE FANDOM over it. seriously, I've seen all these "exposing ___ for being a predator" posts and then it's just a 17 year old making sex jokes with a 19 year old or situations where the "older person" genuinely isn't at total fault. not to mention the amount of times people have been accused of being "zoophiles" over drawing normal ass furry porn (especially of anthro slugcats). this is the Internet. porn is and always has been a thing, and it's not evil. it's not "ruining your fandom".
I don't even know where to start with the weird puritanical "all sex is evil and bad" thing going on in this fandom, or the straight up infantilisation of teenagers. Yes, 16 year olds know what porn is. yes, they look for it. no, they will not explode and die if they see it. NOBODY is hornier than the average high schooler, stop treating them like little kids who shouldn't even be allowed to acknowledge the existence of sex until they're 18 it's fucking weird (and for the love of god stop throwing "zoophile" and "groomer" around so loosely. those words have lost almost all of their meaning at this point, a groomer is NOT a legal adult who happened to mention the concept of sex around a 17 year old)
speaking from a place of genuine care and concern, so many people in this fandom need to grow the fuck up. not every friend group drama needs a Google doc and a public call-out post. teenagers/"minors" are not these angelic babies who can do no wrong and are free of consequences and are always the victims. you are old enough to think for yourself and make good decisions, and you are, in fact, capable of being in the wrong -- just as much as the young adults you claim are also old enough to know better. this mob hate mentality is destroying the fandom more than any amount of furry porn or teenagers making sex jokes
I tried very hard to shorten this as much as possible
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literally the one thing that's been missing in a lot of the fanfic discourse is the idea that like
yeah you can write whatever you want
the thing you write can still very much be distasteful or poorly executed and it's not some great conspiracy if people react badly to stuff that is kind of gross
i do think it's just pure bad faith to present that as a matter of being "problematic" or making asinine arguments about the relationship between fiction and reality when a lot of the time it's people reading it and saying "wow, you have to have been an asshole or worse to think this was a good idea"
#ramblerambleramble#i KEEP seeing terminally online fiction discourse and like#i don't think any of the framing by the pro fiction crowd has ever really#addressed the fact that the stuff you can write can just suck#and it's very possible to draw a moral conclusion when you're aggressively defending your write to cross boundaries badly or be an asshole#that's not a puritanism thing that's just being normal#there just is no great resurgence in puritanism among teens you at best just need to log off and at worst rethink your entire moral code#you have as much right to write whatever you want as people have to read it and say 'bro what the fuck is wrong with you'
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I don't know what anti needs to hear this, but a ship having the occasional argument, sometimes insulting each other, and having *gasp* sex every now and again is not "toxic", that's called an average, human relationship.
Sorry, but I see antis who brag about how "problematic and toxic" their blog is, while having a several miles-long DNI full of anything and everything that could even be remotely "problematic" way too often, and it's like what, exactly, are you defining as "toxic and problematic" here, when all the actual "toxic and problematic" themes are in your DNI????
#news flash: you *might* be riddled with toxic positivity#it's not ''toxic'' to have an argument with your partner sometimes#it *becomes* toxic if screaming at each other is literally the only way you can communicate#but having a fight and saying things you don't mean when you're angry is a normal part of being in a relationship#so is sex by the way!#no not everyone needs sex to have a healthy relationship#but a lot of people do!#I know this may come as a surprise for you but sex is a pretty massive form of intimacy for a huge number of people#and that's coming from someone to who sex is *not* particularly intimate!#like I'm demi I could 100% do without sex in my relationship it is not the be all end all#but I also understand that sex as a form of physical intimacy is very important to a lot of people#and there is literally *nothing* wrong with that you're just a fucking puritan#just anti things#anti bs#proship#trash king vents
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If I do not have sex and break this dry spell soon I will simply fucking die
#princess talks#it is sooo hard being a girl with a high sex drive and hypersexual and treats sex like a love language bc like#already A makes u feel dirty and gross bc all ur life u hear girls can't like or want sex bc it makes u undesirable#and B surviving that sort of shit makes u feel broken#n blahblahblah i could talk years abt it and the puritan stuff coming out recently#but wanting sex like i do now bc above + love language VS that ugly feeling in my body of feeling Gross is SOOO hard#there are two wolves inside of u vibes#stomps my little feeties#i wanna be princessified and equally objectified like YES i am ur darling baby girl and YES i am just a fleshlight for ur pleasure#but then yeah circles back to Oooo gross don't u feel sooo gross for wanting that ooo#like brain shut UP it is a perfectly normal healthy and beautiful thing >:I
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Whenever i see âpro-shipâ or âantiâ i have this funny thing where i instinctively unfollow⌠its weirdâŚ
I could have followed you for years but as soon as you share some post abt how âkids these days donât like all my dark sexual fantasies, they must be fascistsâ Iâm gone. Iâve disappeared to another fucking dimension to escape the black hole in your skull where your brain was supposed to be.
#bro please⌠everyone thinks those things mean different things#its gotten to a point where pro-ship can mean âfiction and reality are completely seperate entities and do not affect each other therefore-#i can draw as much children having sex as i want and youre all puritanical baby fascists for not liking me doing thisâ#or it can just mean âi think hannigram is okay to ship plz dont harrass meâ#which is it????#if i have to see the word âpuriteenâ one more fucking time im gonna throw myself into a volcano#shut up ray#there a kinks that im not into that idc abt#just a âyou do youâ kinda thing#there are kinks that i find gross but do not have a moral issue w/#then there is literal child porn⌠my guy⌠i didnt know it was weird to find that shit morally reprehensible..?#no i dont believe those ppl just be harrassed or killed jfc.. but wtf are they posting that shit for???#delete later#if i hit 30 and start whining abt teens not being into the same sex things as me and finding it gross#just shoot me. put me down. its over#teens being weirded put abt adult sex stuff is normal. just leave them alone to grow up instead of calling them names lmao
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always good to remind oneself that it is always an option to simply block and ignore people who are being Weird To You on your posts. it is never necessary to engage. If It Sucks Hit Da Bricks.
#gav gab#sometimes people will invest their entire personality in being pr/osh/ip or whatever#and then they will take any post they can get their hands on and use it to be like#OH SO YOU HATE PEOPLE WHO WRITE FICTION? YOU HATE QUEER PEOPLE?#YOU DONT KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN REAL AND FAKE?#YOU THINK THE HUNGER GAMES MAKES SUZANNE COLLINS A CHILD KILLER?#YOU THINK PEOPLE WHO WRITE TEEN CHARACTERS IN RELATIONSHIPS SHOULD DIE?#and you just gotta look at those people and go#wow! okay! you seem normal! and then you move on#i simply dont have time for people who are gonna leap on any opportunity they can to try and trap me into an argument#about whether or not it is weird for people to be writing hardcore smut about characters who are in middle school#Do Not Start Shit With Me Over This Post#neither pr/osh/ip nor an/ti/sh/ip but a secret third thing#(a person capable of holding nuanced and situation-based opinions who writes a lot of quote unquote 'dark shit')#(but who also thinks that 'chill bro it's fiction you're the purity police youre the fan caps youre a puritan catholic whatever')#(is not a free pass to do whatever you want forever without criticism)#(no people who write a fic that happens to include rape or torture or suicide or whatever aren't monsters or whatever)#(yes people who write uhhhh rpf rape smut about teenage actors or whatever are engaging in seriously fucked up shit they shouldn't be doing)#(NUANCE. CRITICAL THINKING. NOT PRETENDING YOU DONT KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THOSE THINGS. IMAGINE IT!)#like yeah searching out a one sentence personal post i made two months ago to reblog it and accuse me of being some kinda puritan#because it had some vague language (about something not actually related to fic at all - it was abt tagging unreality) that you interpreted#as me expressing distaste for whatever gross shit you take offense at having referred to as 'gross shit'#that's totally normal and chill and non-harassing behaviour#unlike the people you're screaming about in every other post at the speed of light#good job you won being the rational adult here lmfao
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asking sincerely. do you see a romance between jayce and viktor? do you think they ended up being something romantic at the end?
With apologies I am going to only half talk about the thing you are asking me, since I have something else on my mind and you happened to hit the button that makes me vomit it into words.
Coming at this from an aromantic perspective, I obviously don't experience the state of absurd obsessive delusion that you bizarre romantic freaks fetishize so feverishly*, but I am often annoyed by the idea that friendship and romance are either opposites or mutually exclusive. From my perspective, the boundary between the two is at best thin, and more realistically not actually a boundary at all except by cultural construction.
*i am taking an excessively hostile, crass tone for my own amusement i do not mean this seriously please be normal at me, weird allo freaks
I won't get into my full feelings about the end of Arcane, but it seems perfectly plain to me that the script, the imagery and the animation presents Jayce and Viktor as two halves of a whole, not opposing forces but alike to yin and yang: opposites which each contain the other. And at the climax of the show, the greatest peril to life and peace in the narrative is resolved by these two men literally joining their bodies and souls together, and going into eternity holding one another for comfort and strength. They are quite literally soulmates, quite literally the most important people in one another's lives.
I don't think that that kind of intimate emotional connection between men must necessarily be either romantic or sexual - I am aromantic, and plenty of ace people exist, and there is nothing in our natures excluding us from intense connections of love with other people of any gender.
I also think it is willfully ignorant (and genuinely homophobic) to act as though these deep connections are mutually exclusive with sex and romance. As though if Viktor and Jayce fucked nasty and made out sloppy style, suddenly their intimacy is less pure or valid, or tainted somehow.
"If these two men who are emotionally close to one another also fuck or get romantically involved, then friendship is dead, murdered on the floor by a dick-shaped knife; vile sexuality corrupts and debases the true, pure and virtuous love of â¨friendshipâ¨" <- This shit is homophobic at a baseline, queerphobic in general, and frankly as an aromantic man I find it pretty fucking insulting as well.
What, are my friendships with other men just inherently more pure and divine, more meaningful and true than a gay man's can ever be, because I will never suffer the vile temptation of adding romance to my affection? Is that how I should think of myself? And is an aroace man more pure than me still, the only source of TRUE male friendship that a man can ever experience, free from the pustulant corruption of sexuality and romantic desire?
You get this pathetic defensiveness (especially from men, but other genders aren't immune) wherein sex and sexuality and romance between men is perceived as a threat to men's right and ability to experience deep connection to each other. But the emotional castration of men comes not from people imagining sex and romance as a component of our relationships - it comes from people who insist that our emotional lives must be ruled by strict binaries. Sex and romance, OR ELSE friendship. Deep romantic connection OR ELSE deep platonic connection. Pick one and do not dare to imagine both, nor act as though the boundary between them is something that we built by cultural fiat, and which can be dismantled just the same.
And yes, yes, yes, I know there are cultural forces literally illuminati-style conspiring to systemically erase the entire existence of explicitly romantic, sexual male love from media, and I know that homophobic puritanism is on the rise and there are material concerns and a real necessity for explicit representation in fiction, yes I know. Everything is more complicated than a tumblr post can cover, I am not trying to Solve Rainbow Capitalism⢠over here, I am trying to express frustration as an aromantic man that this stupid fucking binary keeps getting culturally reinforced by both my enemies and my well-meaning allies, when I think the binary is what's fucking killing us in the first place.
So anyway. My position is that Viktor and Jayce can be entirely aromantic no-homo friends, and they can fuck nasty in the throes of mutual need and obsession, and I refuse to entertain the idea that there is an irresolvable contradiction between those things. Each of those can contain the other, or become the other given time and circumstance.
What the imagery, storytelling and script of Arcane makes clear is that Viktor and Jayce love each other more than life itself. To say that that love must be shoved into the box of either "platonic" or "romantic" is to miss out on almost everything that is beautiful about love. It can be both and neither! It can be a secret third, ninth or fifteenth thing that they haven't invented a tag for on Ao3 yet.
They are giving each other whatever the spiritual mind-ghost equivalent of sloppy backshots are on the ethereal plain forever, they are the most romantic lovers in the cosmos, and they are also the most chaste and platonic life-partner friends you have ever seen, effortlessly intimate and unashamedly tender. They are men who love one another, in every way that love matters.
You can pick whichever interpretation brings you joy, and resonates with what your heart needs, the text of the show is eminently and explicity open to it, and anyone who says otherwise either failed to pay attention, or refused to pay attention on purpose.
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Not gonna lie, sometimes being a writer in my native language feels... isolated and alienating. However not in the 'AO3 stats be low and less than English ones' that maybe one could thought of it at first, no, I know what I am doing writing and posting my non-English fanfics on AO3. I have really good friends and a minor readership that I love.
The isolation and alienation comes from people hating their own native languages and being so vocal (almost proud with others encouraging them) about it. Bet I am not the only who has see this. And I am sorry, but that just feel like hot bullshit. Why do you hate your own language that much? Why do you praise/treat like a better language English and English alone? Why do you say 'ew, a fanfic in my native language!" like that is a completely normal thing to say? I try to come with responses and their logic that aren't plain linguistic colonialism, but I can't. It feels alienating because I see it so. freaking. much. In Tumblr, in Discords, in Reddit, in Twitter, everywhere! Sometimes I have my lows and think 'man am I the wrong here? should I despise my own language, my own (literature) culture? everyone does it'. I respond with a 'no' obviously, since I keep writing in my native language and encourage everyone who approachs me to do it. That still doesn't erase the fact that seeing 'ew fics in my native language sucks!' comments in the wild are pretty demotivating and, to be quite honest, shitty, even if the people doing them aren't from my country.
This kind of feels like a consequence of how... imperialist (for a lack of a better word, sorry) the Internet has become in the past few years. Rather, the whole world, yes; and the Internet is just a part of it so of course fandom got affected by it. If it got affected by this puritanical, bigoted and radfem-y viewpoints, it was just a matter of time for this issue ('fics in English are superior/better in general/better to write/better to got numbers') to chime in. Damned 'globalization'. It was so fast.
--
I hate it. I hate it so much. It's been constant for decades (with the exception of a few languages like Mandarin). English isn't special! Whatever century's trade language can reach more people, but that's it: it isn't more beautiful, historic, nuanced, interesting, worthy, whatever.
And god is English not less cringey and terrible when it comes to words for dicks or squelchy sex noises or whatever else people find terminally embarrassing to write about. We native speakers had to get over it in order to write. Native speakers of anything can do the same!
Though, yes, Arabic-speaking anon from last time, I grant you that some languages' speakers are going to have to invent a whole new era of writing in the vernacular. Go forth. Write your Canterbury tales if that's what it takes.
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Why is Wicca not a preferred way of practice? Iâve read a couple of posts, and Wicca isnât favored.
Moral puritanism and performative outrage, plain and simple. There's nothing inherently wrong with Wicca or Wiccans. Some people in the community just aren't doing the work and seem to think that decolonizing our thinking begins and ends with screaming BOYCOTT at anything they deem even remotely reprehensible.
Let's do some of the work and dig a little deeper, shall we?
The main complaint is that Wicca started with people who had problematic worldviews and has had some growing pains and issues with racism, sexism, cultural appropriation, and bad actors in the community as it has evolved, reaching into the present day.
But here's the thing - SHOW ME A RELIGION THAT DOESN'T HAVE THESE PROBLEMS SOMEWHERE IN ITS' HISTORY OR CURRENT CULTURE. GO AHEAD, I'LL WAIT.
It's neither fair nor reasonable to judge a religion based on its' beginnings, or to dismiss the ability of a community to grow and evolve over time, or to pretend that the modern witchcraft movement doesn't owe a large part of its' existence to Wicca. Like it or not, if it weren't for Wiccans, we wouldn't have the kind of organization or recognition that we do, nor would we have had certain landmark legal cases that led to pagans being able to claim the protection of law against religious discrimination in the States.
(And because someone somewhere is going to demand the encyclopedia answer - This is not to discount the contributions of other groups, but the historical fact remains that the people responsible for the foundations of Wicca kickstarted the movement in the UK and subsequent practitioners brought it into public view in a positive light during the counterculture movements of the 1950s and 1960s. And it was Wicca that was first pagan religion in the US to be recognized and therefore included under the constitutional guarantee of religious freedom. This does not change the CULTURAL AND SOCIETAL response to witchcraft or paganism, or the problems that witches and pagans still face in other places, only the presence of civil rights that were not there before. And that has, in fact, contributed to an increase in wider normalization and acceptance. We may not owe EVERYTHING to Wicca and Wiccans, but we would not be where we are as a movement or a community without them.)
Not to mention, Wicca hasn't even been around for a whole century yet and already it's being judged like it has the same kind of cultural and political clout that, oh say, Christianity does in much of the Western world. And it's no coincidence that a good number of the criticisms leveled at Wiccans are the same ones flung at Christians.
Wicca DOES have a strong influence on modern witchcraft, because Wicca and Wiccans were such a big part of the foundation of the movement. Furthermore, many of the published works viewed as standard beginner texts were written by Wiccans or heavily influenced by Wiccan ideas and concepts. Admittedly, there was a tendency for quite some time to think of Wicca and Wiccan tenets as the default for modern witchcraft, and now that we're moving away from that and discovering just how much of our thinking relies on that framework and the ideas present within it, there's backlash happening.
It's important to try and decolonize your thinking as much as possible when it comes to witchcraft. But that involves more work and more effort than just pointing fingers and broadly condemning anything remotely problematic or anything that's ever been touched or influenced by people whose moral and ethical codes don't pass muster under a modern lens. We cannot and should not expect people from 50+ years ago to toe the line when people living today can't even do so reliably.
So to wrap it all up - there's nothing wrong with Wicca and there's nothing wrong with being Wiccan. We are none of us completely unproblematic and until we address the fact that issues with racism, sexism, manipulation, cultural appropriation, and so forth exist in MANY parts of the modern witchcraft and pagan community, we don't get to tar and feather any one group. A bit of critical thinking and self-reflection, and a great deal of Knowing Our Own History, is the key to moving forward here.
Because until the people voicing these complaints most loudly can realize the head-splitting irony of condemning Wicca in one breath and celebrating the Wheel of the Year or venerating a Maiden-Mother-Crone-model goddess in the next, we're not actually getting anywhere.
Anyway, I hope this helps to answer some of your questions. For more information, I highly recommend reading Margot Adler's "Drawing Down The Moon" and Ronald Hutton's "Triumph of the Moon" for a more comprehensive overview of the history of the modern witchcraft movement. Both are written from an outside scholar's perspective and are presented as research rather than rhetoric. Part of knowing where we are and deciding where to go next is knowing where we started and where we've been, after all.
#ray-is-a-blueberry#wicca#witchcraft#witchblr#history of witchcraft#pagan problems#Bree answers your inquiries#i have a feeling this one's gonna piss some people off and tbh i'm here for it đ
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Updating the government app to use to do my taxes takes longer than actually doing them because I donât live in the US. So what do I do after those fiveish minutes?
Yall need some new material
#just anti things#fandom#being an adult is just doing your taxes all day every day apparently#itâs so obviously written by a child that has no idea what theyâre talking about#besides donât they have homework to do? chores?#theyâre gonna have a panic attack when they find out normal behaviour is to not harass other people over fiction#but good luck spreading your puritan agenda I guess#considering that the states that only teach abstinence are the once with the most teen pregnancies shows that clearly your logic is working#thatâs sarcasm btw#iâll be in my corner having fun while you parrot what conservative christians have said about the lgbtq+ community for decadess#(do they even have fun? because they sure donât seem like they do)
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Can I get clarification on your pro shipping post? The example you gave was a 20 year old with a 40 year old, and that's "problematic" (not really), but not really what I think of when I hear "pro shipping". Usually it's the shipping of minor/adult or incestuous relationships that I see getting defended. Does being against fictional works/ships that depict pedophilic or incestuous relationships as normal/romantic count as puritanism to you? Do you see the ship of Bruce Wayne/Damian Wayne as a personal preference with no moral implications?
I think there's a huge difference between being personally against something, and wanting to shame others or ban others from reading or writing something. The Puritanism comes from wanting to limit and ostracize others who don't share your beliefs. It comes from believing that your perspective is the only morally right one.
I think there will always be people who want to write or read about ships like that, yeah -- incest, pseudo-incest, everything in between. By moral implications, do you mean for the person interested in the ship? Or do you mean for others? Because I see that concern a lot on here -- this idea that somehow, by wanting to read/write about something, people are either 1) harming others by spreading this morally wrong ship or 2) harming themselves by normalizing the ship, and therefore making it more likely that they'll pursue similar relationships in their real lives.
We don't have much evidence for either of those claims. People have been clutching their pearls and wringing their hands over "morally wrong" books for ages -- and yet, Game of Thrones is still available in every bookstore. Am I a bad or woefully misguided person for having read Lolita in high school? Is a 16 year old reading a Bruce/Damian fic likely to turn around, shrug, and say "guess fucking my Dad is okay now"? Did an entire generation of fans shipping Wincest somehow have lasting, moral effects? I really don't think so. Not at the scale anti-shippers online seem to think, at least.
I think we need to separate how we moralize people from the content that they consume. And acknowledge that shaming and excluding people for wanting to read something doesn't exactly do much to prevent "moral implications." There's also a huge difference between reading a book, and endorsing the ideas/events inside of it. Same things with fics.
Anti-shipping is very appealing to people because it purports to protect people from harm. Until you look a little closer, and you realize that that protection comes at the expense of free expression, creative license, and agency to choose what we personally do and do not consume. And that that protection isn't really airtight out of your anti-shipping discord or tumblr community.
I think the best we can do is let people write and read what they want -- whatever they want, with limited warnings/etc like ao3 employs -- and ensure that those pieces of content are tagged, warned, and displayed accurately. We need to understand that the only control we have is over ourselves, and what we choose personally to consume or not consume.
I don't generally read those fics you mentioned, but I'm not saying they should be banned from ao3. Just because I might possibly think they're wrong or gross doesn't mean I think the person who wrote them is wrong or gross, either. The more we go down that moral slip and slide, like I said in my previous post, the worse off we will all become.
#asks#anon#pro shipping#proship hate#fanfic#fanfiction#fic#archive of our own#ao3#wincest#incest tw#incest mention#shipping#fandom#tumblr#discourse
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Can you write something about the protagonist being adopted by a family of heroes, but they just want to live a normal life, but the villain finds them? Please and thank you!
"So, you're the super new addition to the family."
Given everything that their new family had told them, the protagonist had been expecting it. Unfortunately, that didn't make it any less horrifying to hear the villain's voice behind them in the empty classroom.
The protagonist's shoulders tensed.
Someone would probably come running if they screamed for help. But what were most people going to do against the villain except die? Besides, the protagonist...
They turned, stomach twisting into a thorny knot, still clutching a paintbrush in hand. "I'm not going to fight you."
The villain raised their eyebrows at that, seeming amused. "Oh?"
The protagonist swallowed. "So if that's why you're here, piss off. With all due respect."
"Piss off with all due respect?"
"I have an art project to finish. It's 20% of my final grade."
The protagonist half expected them to saunter close, fearless and menacing, but the villain stayed where they were - leaned against the closed door in a long black coat and gloves. Everything about them was dark. A shadow come to life. Their smoky gaze roamed the painting over the protagonist's shoulder.
The protagonist was halfway through painting a seascape. Calm. Nice. Possibly twee, they knew that. The sort of thing that felt like it couldn't feasibly be in the same room as a supervillain like them.
"Yeah," the villain said. "If your teacher has beige walls and a puritan sense of right and wrong, they'll love it."
The protagonist's jaw clenched, but they didn't say anything.
The villain's attention fixed on them again, considering. "How is hero life?"
"I'm not a hero."
"No, you're a cataclysm waiting to happen. But I was being polite."
The protagonist flinched.
"That's why they took you in, right?" the villain asked, head tilting. "So they can keep an eye on you? Manage your powers?"
"They're helping me."
"Uhuh." The villain's eyes gleamed. "Do you think they love you? Like a proper little family?"
"I'm not joining you either," the protagonist said, after a winded beat. "So, again, with all due respect-"
"Piss off?"
"Please."
The villain smiled. "I'm not here to fight you. Or recruit you."
"Then why are you here?" The protagonist's voice quivered.
The villain shrugged, too light and careless for it to be true. "Curiosity. They said you wanted a normal life."
The protagonist could only imagine how that conversation had come up and gone down. They managed a small nod.
"You're not normal," the villain said.
The protagonist flinched again, despite themselves.
"Power like yours, destructive power, it wants to be used," the villain said. "Starts eating away at you if you don't channel it. Makes you ill."
The protagonist met the villain's eyes. Because, yeah, they'd noticed that.
"For what it's worth," the villain grimaced, like the very acknowledgement was disgusting. "I do think they're trying their best with you. I think they have good intentions. They always do. And better them, I suppose, then you being with someone who doesn't have any powers if things..." The villain twirled their fingers, and a smoky little mushroom cloud popped up from the tips.
"Yeah," the protagonist said, a little hoarse. That had been exactly their thinking.
"But it won't be enough. Their best won't be enough to contain you."
"We don't know that."
"I know that."
"This doesn't sound like curiosity."
The villain laughed, though it wasn't an entirely joyful sound. They straightened up off the door, finally taking that step closer.
"Curiosity in the sense that I'd like to meet the apocalypse. It's a one time experience. I'd kill you myself, but...you know. No guarantee that all that power inside you won't just go boom when you die. Better to adopt death incarnate, in this instance. Keep you safe. Love you enough that you don't want to end everything prematurely."
The protagonist felt bile, hot and acrid, rising in their throat.
"Piss off," they whispered. It definitely sounded more like please.
"You need to use your powers," the villain said, all laughter gone. "In small chunks. Micro doses. Otherwise you're going to be dead or blow us all up by the time you're thirty, and I would rather avoid that for as long as possible."
The villain reached into their pocket, pulling out an envelope. "A list," they continued. "Of the help you should be asking them for. They won't listen if it comes from me. But love isn't going to be enough, if you're serious about this."
The protagonist's brow furrowed. They hesitated; their family had told them not to take anything the villain offered. They took the envelope.
It struck them, after all, that the villain knew what it was to be a little bit monstrous. The villain hadn't chosen normalcy. But they knew, better than anyone else, didn't they?
The tension left the protagonist's shoulders. They sagged.
"Enjoy your normal life," the villain said, softly. "I hope you get it. And I hope, I truly hope, the rest of us will yet be lucky enough to survive you."
They bought the protagonist's art piece at the end of year presentation. The protagonist didn't know what to do with that information.
#villains and heroes#heroes and villains#writing#story#short story#creative writing#writing snippet#story snippet
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alright i ranted about this on twitter but lowkey i want to see what people on tumblr have to say bc i havent really seen anyone talk about this. though lowkey someone probably already has.
has anyone else noticed a trend in the bkdk space on tiktok of people really insisting that âBakuDekuđ§Ąđâ and âbkdkâ are two completely different things? because i have, and i donât get it.
according to these people, âBakuDekuđ§Ąđâ is the version of bkdk where people mischaracterise them, sexualise them, and are overall âweirdâ and âcringeâ. they think itâs problematic. meanwhile, âbkdkâ, the one they identify as, is âaccording to canonâ and is the âslowburnâ, âright way of shipping bkdkâ and theyre not âweirdâ or âcringeâ.
to me, when people say this, it feels like a way to split the fandom up and appear more likable to dudebros and antis. its an âus vs themâ, its a âweâre better than those weird shippers, weâre normalâ thing. and. it really doesnât make any sense. absolutely no one has used âBakuDekuđ§Ąđâ as a way to display their preferences or opinions or anything,,, itâs just the extended ship name with an emoji combo. this âdivideâ doesnât exist, it was invented solely by the self proclaimed ânormal bkdksâ. and they make SUCH a big deal out of this.
the dudebros arenât going to like you any better because you ship bkdk in a ânormalâ way. the antis arenât going to be kinder to you just because youâre not as âweirdâ as the rest of us. you are in fandom. fandom is weird. itâs been weird since its conception. by splitting fandom up into categories, you are encouraging negativity to sprout up and you are pressuring yourself and other people to stay in the realm of ânormalâ⌠aka⌠making fun of other shippers for not being ânormalâ, or being cringe. or staying in the puritanical mindset that anything involving fictional characters doing anything more than kissing is harmful and bad and apparently super bad morally.
be cringe. be free. no one fucking cares. donât be scared of other people having silly fandom fun. donât be scared to have silly fandom fun yourself. once you stop hating, and stop caring about the haters, the internet is so much more enjoyable.
#bkdk#bakudeku#dkbk#dekubaku#bnha#mha#ktdk#dkkt#katsudeku#dekukatsu#izkt#izukatsu#decchan#the invention of tiktok caused devasting effects to the human race#ill prolly reblog this later showing some of the comments these people made because a lot of it is HILARIOUS
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The Rapture, the Day of Unity, and Happily Ever After
I wouldnât be surprised if the upper echelons of the coven regime werenât concerned with being sustainable, because they were privy before the public was to the Day of Unity, which was itself essentially one big rapture where everyone goes to a perfect utopia! They donât have to worry about the world theyâve left behind, they just need to last long enough to make it to this endpoint, like Belos talking about how he only needs to âlive long enough to see this throughâ.
So it mustâve been quite a shock, realizing thatâs not it; Thereâs nothing for all their hard work. They have to go back to their lives as normal, but knowing itâs eternal in the sense of worrying about living life until it naturally ends for them, and making society run ahead of them for the next to pick up. Now people have to do their jobs in creating an actual functioning society instead of loftily dreaming of a fantasy, which is of course topical to the showâs themes about being beholden to the world and people around you as you make dreams practical.
I can see a comparison between the apathy that came from the Day of Unity and how a lot of rich, powerful folk âespecially the ones running fossil fuel companiesâ donât care about destroying the Earth and its environment, because theyâll be dead before it gets bad enough that the devastation reaches them in their cushy little suites. On the Day of Unity, Emiraâs frustrations over her mother only caring about money feel in a similar vein, it all hearkens back to the same problem with these CEOs where their personal, material enjoyment is the only priority.
And this makes me think of the rapture comparison too; It comes from the Evangelicals, who are the descendants of the Puritans. I can see the writers playing with how Marx called religion the opiate of the masses; The idea that Christianity was often exploited by the upper class against the lower class to justify their suffering. The idea was that if you were poor, you didnât need to worry about improving your material world because as long as you remained pious and faithful, youâd eventually inherit a heavenly afterlife.
Thus, working-class Christians were made complacent, believing their mortal suffering was just temporary and even a test for their ascension. Whether you think they actually got a heavenly afterlife is an entirely separate real-life theological discussion, but the point was that it was an excuse by those in power to avoid being held accountable in making the living world actually tolerable for everyone else, and everyone else would not hold them to that standard because they thought it didnât matter anyway.
So I can see the Day of Unity functioning exactly like that, in fact Iâm pretty sure it just did onscreen because we see wild witches such as the Demon Hunters accept the coven bindings because for whatever losses they suffer, eventually the Titan will make it all worth it right? And this framing of the Titan as an abstract God who will take you to an abstract universe is interesting; We know tangibly that other worlds exist of course, but in the context of the show, the utopia bit is a lie.
And if we apply it to real life, much how the show calls out IRL witch hunters (and its fictional one, because TOHâs fictional witches warranted nothing for their existence) as insincere⌠I do remember a college lecture in things like Animism or cosmocentric belief systems; They saw the âspiritsâ as not existing on a separate plane, but our own. There was no afterlife or heaven, it was all in this world, people live on when they die and break down and are consumed by other beings, that sort of thing.
The practices of wild magic and the worship of the Titan seem to follow in a similar vein to these and Animism; The Titan is sacred and her body has its own life reborn as the environment, but sheâs also undeniably dead, as pointed out by a Deadwardian witch. Eda stresses learning from the natural environment around you for magic, their âgodâ is a mortal being and also their tangible world. The magic comes via glyphs in nature, as well as the magic in everything that witches get their own magic from. There IS something resembling an afterlife in-universe but we never get to see it, the beliefs of wild magic seem to be at odds with Belos��� Christian colonialism, and again its promise of a rapture and a separate, abstract God and utopia.
Point is; There is no universe after this, or at least thatâs not how wild witches treat it. The focus is on the here and now and making this world last, and making it last for the future generations that will take your place. And this defiance of a rapture in favor of life always going on makes me think of how Dana hates the term Happily Ever After, for the implications of everything just being over and thatâs it. Thatâs the end. All the problems are solved now, there is no story left to tell.
I canât say this was intentional on a conscious level or otherwise, but I do have to draw a connection between this and how TOHâs ending was in response to this critique; Life keeps going on, the protagonists have to keep fixing the Boiling Isles, and then keep it going even if it IS fixed. They just undid coven bindings and King found his first glyph. The Archivists are still out there. The protagonists donât get an eternal unambiguous happy ending where thereâs nothing left to do, they donât get a âheavenly afterlifeâ as one could call it, and thatâs good!
From a meta standpoint, you can see how it encourages fans to write more stories, to be inspired to keep it going, and itâs another way Dana made the shortening work in the showâs favor. Dana said back in 2020 that she encourages fans to build off of things, as she did as a kid with her own shows, she also wanted it to be that deep growing up! So both in-universe and IRL, TOH isnât meant to be over, there is no absolute ending because fandom lives on.
Hell, Dana even professed interest in a prequel following Edaâs childhood; Sheâs since become pessimistic about the possibility, more than likely on account of her cutting ties with Disney and executivesâ disinterest. But the point still stands; Life keeps going, IRL. The lives of the characters keep going, in-universe and IRL through fandom.
I also wonder if you could discuss Lumity under this lens; Iâm making exceptions for queer romances, especially in childrenâs media, because they often have to deal with censorship pushing them to the last minute. But when it comes to romance in general, romance involving the main character largely consists of Will They/Wonât They, with the climax having the romance achieved. But because of the Thrill of the Chase, a lot of writers donât want to explore how characters actually navigate a relationship, hence why itâs drawn out and saved for the ending; The romance has been nearly tied up as a Happily Ever After, thereâs no more story to tell. So when they get a continuation, theyâll often undo progress.
Lumity avoids this; Lumity has them get together at the halfway point of the series, and then actually explores their dynamic as a couple together, without creating misunderstandings or breakups or anything. We see how they work as a couple, how they get to enjoy each other as a couple. So them getting together isnât the ending climax, itâs just another stage in their continuing dynamic. There is no Happily Ever After; Thereâs problems for them to face together that do sometimes strain their relationship, but they still work on it together; Dana was adamant on showing these things instead of settling for them asking each other out and letting the rest be an implication.
And I think thatâs so much more healthy to show kids than just idealizing the Thrill of the Chase and its climax, without appreciating the mundanity of just being together. Because kids grow into adults and donât really expect or care to pursue a romance past that point, and I wonder if this is part of the culture behind cheating, of still reaching for something unattainable because media doesnât normalize already having things when it comes to romance. Nor does it care for tackling things together as a couple most of the time.
Dana was raised Catholic, which is separate from Puritanism, but she did have to deal with Evangelicals growing up, as they raged about innocuous things like Pokemon; And Pokemon was her Good Witch Azura, a last gift from her father before he died in a car crash. Itâs something Dana still enjoys and sheâs done crossover art for it and TOH.
So I can see the coincidence/connection in Dana critiquing Evangelicalsâ rapture ideology and how the end of everything is used to placate people instead of worrying about what needs to be eternally maintained, and like. Her feeling similarly with stories and even romances where it ends definitively and perfectly. Because fandom keeps going and sheâs a part of it too.
The world keeps going, there is no endpoint to history IRL or in the show; People have to adjust going back to the banality of continuing to live and worry about running society in the long-term, rather than expecting it to not matter because they were going to be raptured anyway. And you know what, this could be good, it means it lasts forever as we see Luz and co. embrace it, happy to enjoy their lives, actually getting to be in a relationship; But life is fragile as we see with the Titan, so we gotta work to keep it going, so that even when we get our definitive end, the people after get their time.
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HELLFIRE & ICE â eddie munson x f!oc! as enemies to star-crossed lovers
CHAPTER EIGHT â SEWN UP
PREVIOUS | MASTERLIST | NEXT
summary: you'd need a hacksaw to cut the tension between you and eddie, but that's not your weapon of choice this time around. a newspaper pitch, a patchwork girl and a tasteless prank all work together to make things ever more awkward between you and the boy you keep senselessly calling your friend. content warnings: MINORS DNI, THIS IS NOT SAFE FOR YOUR PURITAN EYES - reader is an ex-bitch on a journey of self-discovery through being an even more specific kind of bitch, angst in the form of an elizabeth munson mention, miscommunication, lacy engaging non-platonically with someone other than eddie, mention of lacy's surname and dad's name, REEFER RICK CAMEO, billy hargrove slander as per, violence, a humiliating prank, smut in the form of public hand stuff (f!receiving), me feeling insane about this chapter word count: 14.3k
Dear Mom,
She hasnât got warm hands. She hasnât got the kind of smile that draws people to her. She hasnât got a kind word for everyone, no matter where they come from. She hasnât got a lot of patience. She hasnât got a fixed sense of herselfâwell, she does kinda. But, not totally. Not yet.Â
Sheâs not like you.
Other cheerleaders wore ponytails and theyâd bounce. But when she wore a ponytail, it swung like a sword. She used to be cruel and exacting, but now sheâs just exacting. Sheâs honest and observant to a degree thatâs, like, almost psycho. Sheâs a cold front, but she laughs like a lightning strike. I feel like thunder, powerless to do anything but roll after her. Canât help myself.Â
She knows what she wants, she thinks. Other days she doesnât. I keep trying to tell her thatâs okay, in ways where I donât actually have to use the words. My words wouldnât be as good as her words. Her words burn clean through me like a lit tip of a cigarette.Â
But she does have your book.Â
Yâknow, I always thought it was kind of creepy the way some guys would try and look for their mom in other girls.Â
So this might be a good thing. Less Oedipus-y, more eaââŚÂ
Shit. I was gonna say something Iâm so sure youâd smack me around the head for. But youâre not here to do that. I might be in better shape with this girl if you were.
Anyway. I miss you.Â
Eddie Munson stands in the midst of an incredibly awkward aftermath.Â
See, for two people so purportedly self-assured, he in his freakshow roguishness and you in your prim-perfect knife-edge sharpness, youâre both entirely dogshit at acknowledging⌠well⌠anything.Â
You both tried to snap back to normal so quickly, with Wheeler and her science experiment pregnancy scare smashing through the ice. But the water underneath that ice is still freezing coldâ and youâre both pretending youâre not gasping for air, pretending like you donât remember gasping for each otherâs lips.Â
This is totally cool. This is totally fine.
And then Eddie comes to see you at The Bookstore, which has become just as routine as nearly never brushing his hair, and sees you fixing your sellerâs tag to your pick of the week. Your face in that arresting, self-conscious smile that he wants to melt off with the blowtorch of his mouth.Â
Itâs The Patchwork Girl of Oz by L. Frank Baum.Â
Now, he noticed that you would habitually drop writersâ names into conversation like they were your lit professorsâ Didion said this, Bukowski said that, Bronte yadda, Burroughs yadda. Always some genius-adjacent, formative-thinking, socio-politico-boffo brainwad, more often than not with a substance abuse kick that you romanticized from a safe distance.
But then you unearth this book, a green clothback cover yellowing with age and roughness, red and yellow inlaid titling blasting out a name he ought to know. It makes his visual memory brrrrrrring! like a bright red tomato shaped kitchen timer.
The Patchwork Girl of Oz was with Elizabeth Munson wherever she went. Her records were her plane tickets, her escape to another world, but you couldnât take your records with you to the hospital. Escaping to Oz was a decent substitute. She must have read it a bajillion times; she even took to calling Wayne Unc Nunkie after the elderly munchkin who only ever had one word for anybody. And whenever Eddie would drop an egg when they were baking or come running through the house with his knees all cut up, sheâd coo, âOh, my liâl Ojo the Unlucky!â
The book lingered everywhereâ on the kitchen counter of the house on Pennsylvania,on the vinyl seat of the booth at the now-shuttered Bennyâs when she could afford to take Eddie for a treat, on her bedside table.Â
Up until the end.Â
It knocks the wind out of Eddie when he sees it on the display shelf. He does a bad job of hiding that.Â
âWhat, too shocked to make fun of me?â you say, perching yourself on the rickety stool behind the counter, and your voice betrays a little embarrassment. âThatâs a first.â
âIâ... huh?â He tears his eyes away from the book long enough to catch the specks of blush high on your cheeks.
âItâs not my usual flavor, I know, but Iâm capable of whimsy too.â
âWhy that one?â His limbs feel stony like Unc Nunkieâs, as much as he wants to languidly lean over the counter and bother you like he always does.Â
You shrug, but you tilt the opposite shoulder. A reverse, a peek behind the looking glass. He notices that about you, which goddamn shoulder is your shrugging preference.Â
âI think it was one of the first books I kept checking out of the library when I was little,â you say, glancing back at the display, âItâs about this poor little kid who has to find a way to reverse a spell on his uncle whoâs been turned to stone, and the eponymous patchwork girl isââ
âI know the story.â It comes out a little blunter than Eddie was intending it to. So much so that it knocks you back a beat.Â
âOh,â you say shortly, eyes flaring down at the counter. âNo need to cut me off mid-stream about it.âÂ
Eddie winces, knowing heâs coming across as weird and stilted but with no idea how to safely climb down. âNo, justâ I know the story, yeah. My momâŚâ That is not a safe dismount, dummy! â...she⌠liked it a lot.â
âYeah?â your tone stays even, yanked back from him a little. He wants to be like, sorrysorrysorry. âShe ever read it to you?â
âA bunch, actually.âÂ
âNo shit.â The corners of your mouth tick up. âWanna hear something super dorky?â
Just the mere invitation of your little smile loosens him up a bit. Eddie twists a ring around his finger, head kicking to his shoulder as his foot kicks to the counter. âAlways,â he says, squinting.Â
You straighten your spine up on your stool and clear your throat. Hand goes over your heart, like youâre about to recite the damn declaration. Your eyes shutter closed.Â
âHereâs a job for a boy of brainsâ a drop of oil from a live manâs veins; a six-leaved clover; three nice hairs, from a Woozyâs tail, the book declares; are needed for a magic spell, and water from a pitch-dark wellâ the yellow wing from a butterfly to find must Ojo also try; and if he gets them without harm, Doc Pipt will make the magic charm; but if he doesnât get âem, UncâŚâ your crack one eye open. â...will always stand a marble chunk.â
Eddie is silent for⌠for a while. For a good handful of heartbeats, for a beat so long that makes you knit your brow up, your eyes needling into him. Eddieâs looking at you with rose-colored soft focus. His elbows are eagerly pitched on the counter now, chin in his hands. The last person to recite those words to him was his mom, her voice raspy and tired but still willing to read to him. She hadnât smelled like herself. It was sad.
And now, your voice, with all its snippy chainmail thrown off, gone all soft and lyrical and dedicated.Â
He thinks about a littler you, one he could vaguely pick out of a lineup if he really, really tried, criss-cross applesauce and pouring over that book so often that that little spell jams itself into your brain.Â
The mage before she donned the mink coat.
Eddie is looking at you and canât force his heart out of his throat.Â
Well, until he can.
âEw,â he cringes.
âWhat?!â you exclaim, your eyes getting all incredulous and kind of mad.Â
âAnd they call me a fuckinâ nerd, what the hell was that?â Eddieâs laughing, mocking, not with his whole heart. But itâs enough to make you scoff, irritated with him again.Â
See, you thought you were being cute and he knows you thought you were being cute. He needs to put you back in a place where youâre marginally unlikeable enough to just be a friend.Â
Restore the natural order. Donât think about how he wants to recite that same verse back to you in front of an ordained Elvis in Vegas. Because he would, in a heartbeat. If he wasnât committed to not being stupid.Â
Christ, youâre pretty. Christ, heâs gonna do something stupid.
âYou are⌠completely undateable, you know that?â he nods ferociously, eyes trailing you as you cross out from behind the counter and head for a box of books that need to be shelved. All uh-huhs and sure, Eddies. The bell on the front door jangles and a customer passes behind him.Â
He yells after you, voice traveling down whatever winding path youâve taken through the stacks. âYou with your black and white movies and your twat rock and your Wizard of Oz⌠baby, what crowd are you even playing to?âÂ
âWhat crowd am I playing to? What crowd are you playing to?!â you seethe, shuffling the ten-tonne box of books down the aisle with your feet. âFucking baggie-pushing, guitar-brutalizing, board-game-...maker-...upper!â
âWoah. Witâs unmatched as usual, Lace.â
This fucking guy. This fucking guy. You try and do one darling little thing, you just recite a little piece of a book his dead mom used to read to him or whatever, and you get verbally bashed! God forbid, god forbid you let the fucking drawbridge down for half a second! This blows!Â
Youâre trying to be less of a bitch, in case you idiots didnât notice!
Itâs kind of inexplicable, how sensitive youâre feeling about this. Could be that since you kissed and since you pinkie-swore with Nancy Wheeler in the bombed-out boys bathroom, you kind of felt as if you were standing on a bladeâs edge with Eddie. Not knowing where to put your hands, not knowing how much or how little to joke around. Not entirely happy with your moment of madness at the Ecker trailer. Not entirely happy that it hadnât happened again.Â
But youâre not about to apologize. Not to him. Don Rickles in a battle vest over there. Must he always just poke you like that?!
âYouâre undateable!â You shove a bunch of books aside on the shelf. âMe, Iâm cuâ...â
Right through the shelf, a customer stares at you. Your voice dies in your throat because, unfortunately, heâs looking right at you in your flurry of annoyance toward Eddie. And unfortunately, this stranger, heâs a littleâŚÂ
âWhat were you gonna say?â he asks, closing Gravityâs Rainbow.Â
âCute.â
Guy smiles, doesnât break eye contact with you for a second. Heâs wearing a sweater. He looks fresh out of somewhere stone walled with crawling ivy. âIâd attest to that.â
You forget about Eddieâ just for a second. Gesturing to Gravityâs Rainbow, you say, âGonna attempt to finish that?â
âWhatâs that mean?â His grin is infectious, or maybe youâre just starved for this kind of attention.Â
âNothing,â you say, with a little more tongue than you need to, âJust, I donât know of anyone thatâs ever finished that behemoth.âÂ
Well, you donât know of a lot of people that read the way you do either. But, digression. He raps a knuckle against the cover of the book and for some reason, you feel it in your belly.Â
âI always finish,â he tells you.Â
âDo you now?â
Thatâs the longest youâve been quiet in a hot minute, and thatâs the kind of thing that gets under Eddieâs skin. Chain on his jeans jangling, he starts off into the creaking labyrinth of lined-up bookcases.Â
âWhat, did you expire back here or somethingâŚâ he mutters, a little whine in his toneâ play with me, play with me, even though Iâm being kind of a dick to youâ
He sees you, a book lying lax in your arms, your body swaying to and fro and youâreâ
â--talkinâ to yourself, Lacy? Great look. Real honeytrap, if youâre lookinâ to catch some imaginary diââ
âEddie,â you grit at him, and he spots the whole other human male youâre talking to through the stacks. Well, not just talking to. Not with that body language.Â
This dude tilts his chin to Eddie. âHey, man. I remember you. Didnât you used to sell dimebags in the woods outside school?â
Fire flares in Eddieâs gut. He vaguely recognizes this guyâ class of â83 or â82, not remarkable enough to be hateable but now, heâs certainly collegiate looking enough to be⌠distracting to you. So, annoying to him.Â
âWhy, man? You lookinâ to buy? Or just cruise some high schooler tail?â
âEddie!â you hiss again and he scoffs like, really?! You turn back to this⌠whoever the fuck. âCâmon, Iâll check you out.â
âYouâll check him out, huh?â Eddie sneers, bearing over you as you pass him in the aisle. Body heat breezing right by, face a mask of sheer disgust. Impulse talks; it totally wants to just grab you and throw you behind him andâ well, he hasnât thought that far ahead yet. But heâs creative. Who the fuck even is this guy? Where did he come from?
âThat you?â this guy says, jerking his head toward the staff display, toward The Patchwork Girl of Oz. âLacy?â
âTo my friends and co-conspirators,â you say, ringing up that godawful Pynchon book.Â
âWhich one was that guy?â he asks, watching you jot out his receipt on the carbon copy pad because for whatever reason, Ivanaâs cash register is from the fucking 1800s and she refuses to upgrade to anything with a thermal printer. âFriend? Co-conspirator? ⌠boyfriend?â
You wrinkle your nose. And donât exactly answer, but itâs enough confirmation for him.Â
âGood. Say, why donât you jot down your number on this thing?â He pushes the receipt back to you. âI can keep you updated on my Pynchon progress. You can⌠see if Iâm good enough to co-conspire with.âÂ
You like this approach. In fact, you love this approach, because you hadnât been earnestly picked up in⌠forever. And he has this certain je ne sais quoi about him, something that screams moved out of state for college. You stay grinning, biting your lip for a good breath or two after he leaves the store.Â
Then Eddie appears in your peripheral, like some terrible harbinger of embarrassment.Â
âUndateable, huh?â you say, fully aware that he was earwigging on that whole exchange because heâs a nosy bitch and he canât help himself. Glutton for gossip.Â
âYou donât have to throw yourself at the first person who walks in the store just to prove a point, baby,â Eddie tells you, this big face of condescension. You want to smack it off him so bad your palms are itching.Â
You huff and backtrack to where that box of unshelved books sits. âMaybe Iâm tired of waiting around.â
â
Ronnie Ecker and Robin Buckley are looking each other in the eye, wolf-whistling furtively when you elbow open the door of the gym.Â
âYouâre flat. Iâm telling you youâre flat,â Ronnieâs insisting, an adorable three inches away from Robinâs face.Â
âI canât be flat! A mouth whistle cannot be flat!â
Itâs marching band practice. You donât know what the hell goes on in here and you know better than to ask.Â
âWould you two get a room already?â you call, heels clicking across the glossed wood of the gym. These dorks have all got their feathered hats and bibs on, a kind of half-assed dress rehearsal for some pep rally theyâre having on Friday. You missed the bulletinâ kind of stopped paying attention, actually. Extracurricular distraction is a hell of a drug.Â
âExcuse me, this is a closedââ thatâs the voice of Miss Genovese, the band teacher, stomping down from the bleachers in these tragic little loafers with the pleather peeling off. She makes it about halfway toward you, then this exasperated look washes right over her. The teacher dashes for the double doors and you point after her with a freshly painted red index finger. New lease on looking good.Â
âAnd that is?â
âLike, the third time in the last hour,â Ronnie shakes her head, taking her flamboyant little hat off. âBiggest running theory is morning sickness.â
What, is pregnancy like, catching or something? youâre about to muse.
âItâs almost contagious, right?â Robin says, tugging at her clip-on collar, âI mean, first your whole thing and nowââÂ
Ronnie doesn't even have a chance to gesture for her to ixnay! before she slams pause on herself, eyes wide and all shit, did I say that out loud?! Your eyes narrow in return. Thatâs suspicious.
âWhat whole thing? My whole what?â
Ever and eternally knowing when to call it, Ronnie holds a hand up before Robin can even start to scramble an apology and serve it to you. Panther versus a precious little puppy dogâ the fight ainât even fair.Â
âNothing. Scuttlebutt bullshit, the usual,â she rolls her eyes, throws a sympathetic glance to Robin who winces and retreats. Huh.
âWhatâs going on with you two?â you ask, crossing your legs over the bottom rung of the bleachers.
This actually makes Ronnieâs expression soften a littleâ her eyes race back in Robinâs direction and you swear you catch a blush. âAlso nothing! Compound nothing. Why, does it look likeâŚâ
Lips purse into a little satisfied grin. Knew it. Toldja. Point to Lacy. âLooks like whatever you want it to look like.â
Ronnie reaches forward and waves her feathered hat in your faceâ stop being so observant! You cough in protestâ ew, I donât know where that thing has been!Â
âWhatever! What brings you to geek church?âÂ
âThatâs what theyâre calling it now?â
âStick around, weâll start speaking in tongues.âÂ
âSatanic Panic bringing about a fun new turn for the pep rally! Put some God back into that wind instrument,â you croon. âNo, I actually wanted your thoughts on something.â
Ronnie raises her eyebrows and you feel like you oughta mirror her. Youâre not usually one to seek out a second opinion, but the more youâve gotten to know Ronnie, the more you see that sheâll tell you how it is. Especially now that youâve dispersed with the whole intimidating it-girl cloud and sheâs stopped pretending to be shy.
âI know. Iâm shocked too.â
âIâm honored,â she swings her shoulders in girlish delight, âDish it up, Doevski.â
âOkay, so,â you clap, hiking forward on your creaking bleacher, âIâve been seeing this guyââ
â--this is the bookstore guy?â
A blink and a beat. âHowâd you know about that?â
A face that has Eddie told me with footnotes of and he was kind of jealous scrawled all over it stares back at you. âI âunno, maybe I overheardâŚâ
âDoesnât matter.â You slice a hand through the air, no time for this right now. âFacts are facts, Iâve been hanging out with this guy,â interesting change of phraseology, considering, âand heâs a college guyââ
âIf they could see you now.â The royal court of Hawkins, obviously. Older guys are generally an accomplishment. But Ronnieâs half-jesting.Â
â--I know, shut up. But, he mentioned something that would absolutely rock my college applications is a really, really greatââ
â--feature in the Streak?â youâd gasped out in the back of his Ford Cortina (how very European!). College guyâs mouth was on your neck and his hand was inching into your shirt, playing at a faux placket of pearl buttons. Boys can never tell a real button from a fake one, apparently, even if they go to an East Coast school. I mean, shit! Youâd gleaned enough information from him over a shake at the diner; relatively well-to-do family that lived near the Wheelers on Maple and kind of underwhelming taste in lit for an English major.Â
But he maintained eye contact and listened to your witty little bon mots, even if he didnât⌠laugh at them. One thing led to another and thus, the backseat college advisory-slash-makeout session.Â
âYeah, yeah, they love that shitâŚâ heâd said, moving to your mouth in order to swallow any forthcoming words. But his words had piqued your interest more than his fingers had.Â
âWhat about an underdog story?â you said, eyes kind of hazing over in the middle distance.Â
âSure, underdog, greatâŚâ college guy grabbed ahold of your leg and tugged you into him, âWe can talk more about it later, okay?â
âOkayââ
ââokay?â
Ronnie grimaces. âI didnât need that much detail.â
âYes, you did.â You stare at her. âIâm a storyteller.â
Ronnie chews the proposal over a little, cheeks kind of bunched up in confusion. Behind her, band geeks badly hide their hickeys and exhibit too-gangly, too-obvious body language. No inspiration to be tapped from there.
âAn underdog story⌠on the society pages? Like, who could you possiblyââ
You smile that awful, conniving smile, because you came in here armed. âYe of little faith.â
âOh, no,â Ronnie says, and honestly, youâre a little taken aback by that reaction, âHellfire?â
A shrug pulls your shoulders right up, rapidly on the defense. âWhy not, right?âÂ
âWhy notâ Lacy, you almost guillotined Jeff that one time he asked you.â
True that you hadnât had the inches of article to spare for Hellfire Club in not-too-ancient history, but, âThat was then, this is now! Worldâs changingâ and itâs topical!â
The whole Satanic panic thing really did tickle your funny bone; and you saw yourself having a little fun with that by turning the focus on Hellfire. Subverting Eddieâs cult-leader mythos to show that he is just a kid who might have a propensity for telling a good story, surrounded by other kids who want to get a word in. Youâre not looking to turn the tide on his reputation or anything but maybe⌠yâknow. You could do the admirable journalistic thing and scratch the surface a bit. Show what youâve learned.Â
Itâs a challenge. You love a challenge.
âAnd itâs a good excuse to get in Eddieâs face,â Ronnieâs voice breaks through.Â
There is a lonnng beat, one you hold like the last shoes in your size at a sample sale. Your mouth keeps going to make the words yeah, right or itâs not about him! or yâknow, something to exonerate you from the notion.
âI know he isnâtâŚâ Ronnie trails off, coming to sit next to you. âthat heâs kind of being weird to you right now.âÂ
Go ahead and feign that ignoramus, girl. Shoulders quirking and all.Â
âOh. Is he?â
And then Ronnie says maybe the dumbest thing on the planet, regarding the abominable sitch between you and Eddie Munson.Â
âYou should just talk to him.â
âEcker, thereâs fruitless efforts and then thereâs barren wasteland,â you scoff, âGuess which category proposing this to Eddie falls into.â
âThatâs not what Iââ
Jâexcuse, Ronnie, but you donât care! Because this isnât actually about anything other than getting all of those dice-throwing dorks, including Miss Ecker herself, into your damn paper. Okay?
âWe have to ambush him! Element of surprise, thatâs it,â you smile primly and hop off the bleachers. âIâm just going to show up at Hellfire, photographer in hand andâ he wonât have a choice, will he?â
Ronnieâs expression is a mask of reproachfulness. You donât let it shake you. Youâre a cat playing with a now-endless ball of yarn, and youâre unshakeable.Â
âHeâs such a sucker for attention,â you say, tossing your hair, and it sounds a lot more like youâre convincing yourself than anyone else in this echoey gym, âHe wonât be able to resist.â
â
Reefer Rick doesnât call, unless itâs an emergency. All of his communication is inbound, or passed through a shoulder check and a goofy smile at Melvaldâs, or a nod of the head across the pool table at The Hideout. He doesnât frequent there so much, because Bev knows heâs a pool shark and ever since âNam, his ears are a little too sensitive to all that metal racket, man! By all means, rock on, but by then I gotta go rock-a-bye myself to sleep, alright? Anyway, thatâs how Eddie knows to ride over to his place, if itâs not through a call heâs placed himself.Â
You need me, kid, you come and find me.Â
So when Eddie gets a call that says, âWe gotta pow-wow, ese,â his nerves are set on edge. Not that he wasnât feeling bad enough, what with the fact that some douchebag in a Cortina had picked you up and dropped you off to school the last couple of days. What with the fact he had actively dogged the car down a little bit of the road from the trailer park with his van, resisting every temptation to just run it all the way off into a ditch. And what with the fact he didnât know what to say to you about that without it coming out in an anti-missive of jealousy! jealousy! jealousy! so what he did say to you was⌠nothing.Â
You two canât maintain a consistent line of communication to save your lives, he realizes. Thereâs too much left unsaid, and the both of you are too stubborn or too scared to say any of it. Or even think it, in his case! The amount of times heâd had to slap himself sober, his brain going into overdrive thinking, if I had just told her⌠Itâs a âfriendshipâ, if you can even call it that, based on barbs and bad behavior and doing things because you know you shouldnât. For the thrill. Right?
Like. Whatever. Itâs not like heâd made tapes of a half dozen Black Sabbath albums because you mentioned you wanted to âstudy upâ on that âmonster musicâ heâs making. Itâs not like youâd given him an annotated copy of Still Life with Woodpecker because he wanted to throw some ânonsensical curveball shitâ into a later Hellfire campaign.Â
Itâs not like Eddie missed youâ he just⌠should have seen this coming, is all. Heâs used to getting left in the dust while people move onto better things, or whatever.Â
God, Munson, your voice taunts him from somewhere in his hippocampus, need some help nailing yourself to that crucifix?
Anyway, fuck, Rick called him.Â
Rick had gotten out of lockup about a month agoâ some truncated charge or another that Eddie didnât bother asking too much about, mostly because⌠well, Rick hadnât really been himself. Larger and brighter than the sun itself, the great and powerful lion of a man that oozed life ainât shit if you ainât havinâ fun energy, Rick had kind of dimmed. Lost a lot of weight while he was inside. Came back a little bit twitchy and fluent in Spanglish, for some reason.
Eddie was worried, because of all the adult figures in his life, Rick was meant to be the one with levity. Heâd lost out on a fun uncle when Wayne stepped into his father-figure role. Al was nothing but a dangerous bit player. Rick, he could rely on.Â
Thinking back to that infamous day when he had gotten loaded at Lipton Landing, before he picked up you and Ronnie, before he⌠well, you know the rest but, Eddie had sensed that Rick could use the company. He kind of tried to poke it out of him, whatever was wrong. Didnât work. They had just watched The Godfather in a tense-ish silence and doofed a lot of joints. Sorta freaked him out.
Eddieâs crushing gravel on the descent to the infamously slanted Lipton Landing for his summons. Thereâs a hum that seems to traverse the window panes, a fond plucking work that could only belong to Link Wray. He puts the van in park and jogs up the steps to the front door, bracing himself for the pungent plume of skunk smoke that always greets him.
âEduardo,â Rickâs voice curls around the greeting like smoke curls out of his mouth and he yanks Eddie over the threshold. Door slams, arm tightens around his shoulders. âYouâre here.â
Rickâs always a handsy sorta guyânot like that!âbut this grab makes him seize a little.Â
âYou rang,â Eddie says, voice lilting, âEverything okay?â
Rick clutches him by the shoulders and looks at him for a long, long time. Uncomfortably long. How has he managed to puff on that joint for this long without choking long.Â
âNo.â
And Rick begins a shuffle toward the kitchen. Eddie follows in an awkward half-step, headache threatening to bloom someplace in the back of his skull because he does not know how much more of this vagueness he can take!Â
âDoes it have anything to do with why you called me down here? Because, shit, I would love to get a straight answer out of someone for once!â A mirthless chuckle follows, trying to soften his desperation.Â
A flick of the refrigerator door and Rick places two beers on his kitchen counter, hands bracing against the surface. âThen letâs sit crooked and talk straight. Itâs about yourâŚâ
Hss. Eddie takes a notoriously mis-timed sip.
â...neighbor girl.â
Ffflpâ Eddie wishes, just one day of his goddamned life, he could act cool at the mention of you. Even the suggestion of the mention of you. But no, heâs got PBR streaming from his nose like a moron and a look on his face that says uh-oh, spaghettio!
âThatâs what I was afraid of,â says Rick, taking a knowingly smooth drink from his beer.Â
With the heel of his hand, Eddie wipes away his spluttering mess and fumbles around for a crumb of nonchalance.Â
âI donât knowââ
âEddie,â Rick levels. God, Eddie hates it when adults are adults, and Rick hates having to act the adult even more.Â
His shoulders drop. âWhat about her?â
âWell, when I was in the penâlocal, Iâll have you knowâI got approached by a very interesting man with a proposition I was powerless to refuse.â
With some trepidation, Eddie mumbles, âOh, yeah?â
âSomeoneâ well, letâs say me and this someone have a friend in commonâŚâ
âRickââ Eddieâs attempting the leveling thing, but heâs not as good at it as Rick is. Or as you are, for that matter. And youâre who heâs attempting to imitate here, even if he wonât admit it.
â--a certain mutual business partner, if you willââ
âRick.â Eddie tries to punch through the tension with the big manâs name. âIt was Lacyâs dad. Right? You can just say it was her dad.âÂ
Rickâs brow sinks into a wrinkle. â...Lacy? The fuck kind of a dumb name is that?â
âItâs a nickname.â Why does Eddie feel defensive.
âThe fuck kind of a dumb nickname is that?â
âThey call you Reefer Rick.â
âThat is a calculated business decision, a calling card if you wââ
âRick. Can we close in on the point, here?â Ooh! Seems to actually work this time, much to Eddieâs relief. âI only got so many if you wills left in me.â
âSi, pronto,â Rick nods with apologetic understanding; heâs such an empath, this guy, âLong and short of it is, her pops offered me a little bit of cash and some assistance, iffinâ I promised to keep an eye on her.â
âAssistanceâŚ?â Eddie murmured out of the side of his mouth. Itâs all in the way Rick says it! âLikeâŚâ Hand a loose fist. Jerky-jerk.Â
âEddie,â Rick chides, âAssistance gettinâ out. In prison, that is just called beinâ sociable. âanyway, I have this conflict of interest, with the whole surveillance thing.â
âAnd what is that?â
âYou.â The way Rick drops it is obviously meant to cause some kinda ripple effect of realization, but Eddieâs still confused.Â
âSo you⌠didnât take the money?â
âHuh?â Now Rickâs all confused. âOf course I took the fuckinâ money! What kind of a chump do I look like, man? What Iâm getting at is, I knew that rattinâ on her also meant rattinâ on you.â
âWhâ why would itâŚâÂ
âI got eyes everywhere, man. Dig? Iâve seen whatâs been happening.âÂ
Eddieâs heart leaps into his larynx. Eyes everywhere. And the truth was, you two had been stupid enough to be a lot of everywhere, thinking your respective trailers were the only hot zones. The Bookstore, the Hawk, Main Street Vinyl, Family Video, the diner, you name a Hawkins establishment and it has probably seen Eddie Munson and Lacy Doevski good-naturedly bickering in its aisles.Â
He wonders if Rick even had eyes in the Ecker trailer. Ronnie could be a Lipton informant. That girl can hold a secret about as well as Wayne Munson can hold his liquor, which is gracefully.Â
âNothingâs been happening, weâre justââ
âEddie.â Like a bulldozer, this guy. âI know Ivana pretty well. You ainât hanginâ around that bookstore for the good of your health.â
âSo what, youâre gonnaâ,â Eddie can feel himself starting to scramble, starting to sweat, backed into a corner like a hunted animal, â...tell her dad that we went to the movies a couple of times? That I go to her job, that Iâ that weâreââ
âWhat are you?â The way Rick puts it to himâ rock, meet hard place. Should this really feel like such a tough question to answer?
âFriends.â
Rick draws up to his full height (tall, mountain man) and looks at him like he just shoved a cream pie into his face.
âIt doesnât matter, okay!â Eddie froths over, like a snapping dog, âWeâre barely hanging outâ anymoreâ so you can⌠youâre not gonna tell him anything, are you?â
Rickâs hands slowly, slowly rise, urging him to calm the yapping. No need to get into such a tizzy. Which Eddie wishes he could believe.
ââcourse not, man,â he shakes his head, âRay Doevski only needs to know what Ray Doevski absolutely needs to know.â Eddie can feel a little more weight behind that sentence than heâd like. âNo reason you need to figure into this story.â
âThatâ thatâs it? Youâre not gonna tell him about uâ about me?âÂ
âYouâre in enough of a shitheap as it is, is how I see it.â A beat. Rick takes him in; really takes him in. Feels like an embrace, his stare. Concern uncrinkles the ever-present smile in Rickâs eyes.Â
âEddie, you care about this girl?â
Eddieâs mouth attempts to form around an answer, but heâs just blinking into nothing. Does he care about you? Does he care about you? He wants, needs to say no, to pfft you off, but every molecule is screaming otherwise. And Rick can sense it, operating on the extraterrestrial level that he does.Â
âThen Iâm real sorry.âÂ
âFor what?âÂ
As if on cue, car wheels on gravel shuck Rickâs attention away from him. His eyeballs jitter in his head, heading for the doorâ Eddie close behind him. âSorry for what, Rickâ?!â
âLittle bit for that, little bit for⌠this.â
Standing in the window of Rickâs living room, these two watch an offensively red muscle car skew into the driveway, making a mockery of Eddieâs beat up van. The driverâs door pops open and the first thing Eddie clocks is a blinding glint off some brand new aviator sunglasses.Â
The second is that trademark Munson smile.Â
â
âThis is exciting!â Nancy Wheeler says, kind of flatly but with a conviction buried deep under her curled bangs.Â
On the table sits two piles of playing cards, one steadily growing and one steadily decreasing.Â
You two had taken to playing gin rummy when staring at paper layouts became a little too much. Technically, she actually had a say in layout and you were just nosy, but itâs a decent excuse to hang out. Though, both you and Nancy had this incredible tendency to hyperfocus on detail so hard that neither of you could pull the other out far enough to look at the big picture, so one day she tossed a deck of cards your way and said, âDeal!â
âI know,â you say, trying to focus on these melds of suits youâre makingâ that discard pile is looking poor, âFresh turn for me, yâknow? Less fluffy, more Didion.â
Nancy snorts softly, swapping out a card from her hand. âWho does that make Eddie? Charlie? Or Linda Kasabian?âÂ
A smile dances across your lips and you shrug, reaching for a cigarette before you go for another card. Usually, smoking in the newsroom was prohibited, as it was prohibited on most of Hawkins High grounds, but whenever that deck came out, you felt it was appropriate for at least one of you to be smoking. Gave a kind of Torchy Blane feel to the whole scenario which fit you and Wheeler pret-ty keenly, if you did say so yourself.
âThatâs not what I was talking about, though,â Nancy says, poking Fred Bensonâs empty mug toward you to use as an ashtray.Â
Your eyes narrow; this could be a play to distract you from a winning hand.Â
âItâs not?â
âNoâŚâ she puffs out another soft scoff, meeting your eyes over her fan of cards, âI mean the college guy.â
âWhy is it exciting?â and you do want to know why Nancy thinks so. Sheâs a mile wiser beyond her years, even precocious enough to keep in step with you most of the time. Youâd like her take.Â
âWell, itâs what you wanted, right?â she tells you, watching you puff your cigarette and dig into the stock pile. âSomebody older, decidedly not a grabby high school boyâ but someone with more experience, both with girls and with being outside of Hawkins. And the fact he goes to Vassar meansââ
âHe probably eats kitty like a maniac.â
Nancy lets out this full-bodied Merlot of a laugh, only a little color dashing over her cheeks. Sheâs gotten used to you being provocative on purpose because it gets a laugh out of her. So far grown out of the prude shoes you were sure she was still sporting. Youâre proud of her.Â
âNot exactly what I was getting at butâ more sensitive to the female perspective, sure.â But then she registers what you forgot youâd even dropped. âHold on, probably? You mean you havenâtâ...â
You shrug. Itâs a little withdrawn on your part.Â
âOh,â Nancy says, and seems to be leaning a degree or two towards unsurprised. That ruffles your feathers a little bit. Again, with the frigid thing. You couldnât shake it.Â
âNo,â you emphasize, shucking your pitiful melds back again. âIt's not as if we haven'tâdone things. I've copped a handful. Time is of the essence, and I take, y'know, a little more time to get there.â
âSo no return on investment...?â
"Not... yet."
Nancy almost tosses her cards at you, the way she jabs them through the air. âYou? You, the one whoâs been preaching Betty Friedman to me, you haven't been gettingââ
âYes, me! Did you not hear me about time and the essence?â
âI know, itâs justâ a little surprising.â
There have been exactly three instances of almost you tying your panties to the rearview mirror of college boyâs Ford Cortina, so to speak, and youâve come out of each one with this desperate echo of oh well! Maybe next time! careening around your skull. Like youâre trying to convince yourself that by virtue of him not being in your grade, this has been a worthwhile way to spend your time. And listen, no misunderstandings here, it has! At least, part of it. It usually starts like thisâ the two of you grab some shitty diner coffee or some shitty diner food and then he takes you around in his car for a turn or two, admiring that famous Hawkins scenery (see: shuttered businesses and if youâre really lucky, that one mangy fox that feasts on the overflowing trash can near the Big Buy). You talk (you mostly talk) books and movies and say something that should be a hook of conversation but usually ends up with him screwing his face up in amusement and saying something along the lines of, âGod, youâre so beyond this place.â
Which, duh. Youâve been saying this. This is the raft upon which your whole identity floats.Â
The exchange dies in the air and he puts his hand on your leg and that is just⌠wonderful. Heâs a solid B on the kissing GPA, and heâs cute and sort of funny, even if he doesnât rally back jokes the way youâd⌠sort of gotten used to. Sometimes he makes a halfway-interesting observation about like, Philip Roth or somebody. But when it comes down to the minute of it, it still feels like going through the motions. Fumble bra strap, catch nail on his zipper, crank back passenger seat to climb in the back. Hey presto, youâve distractedly jerked off a boy once again.Â
You are not entirely sold on the fit of his hands on your body, even if he doesnât look at you like heâs just solved a Rubikâs cube.
In fact, he kind of looks at you like youâre precious. Virginal precious. Innocent precious. Which youâre not totally sold on either.Â
Nothing about him that makes you fantasize about what his mouth might feel like on you. What your fingers might feel like wound around his curls. His hair doesnât even curl. Thereâs just nothing about him that calls for your full attention.
âThink there might be a reason for that?â Nancy, your annoyingly perceptive Nancy, presses. Goddamn intrepid girl reporter. She hasnât stopped staring at you with that smug little look. You havenât answered the question. âAnd it might be⌠living across the way from you?â
âTch. What?â you snip. âIâm⌠having fun. What?â
âNothing,â she smiles. âJust⌠gin.âÂ
She lays out her dazzling melds, complete with a measly goddamned three in deadwood cards and you toss your own bullshit hand to the side. A dumb amount of spades that add up to nothing scatter across the desk. An accusatory finger jams in her direction.Â
âYou are a fucking card shark.â
âNope!â Nancy says, popping her âpâ, âI just know a really great set when I see one.â
Reaching into Fredâs mug, you crush your cigarette with a little too much force. Now, how would Nancy have a read on that? you think, oblivious to your own obviousness. (Like a neon sign. Like a circus tent.)Â
You hadnât even reminded her of the catastrophic events of her thirteenth birthday which led to a whole lot of this awkwardness, which, now that you thought about it, actually implicated her in the crime of you kissing Eddie Munson âtil you were breathless in Granny Eckerâs closet.Â
If you hadnât been born and had a birthday, I wouldnât be in a spiral over some boy with a curl pattern like a fucking backwoods libertine.Â
âYouâre not clever,â you tell her, but sheâs looking at you all cleverly, âLike. Youâre clever, but I need you to know that youâre not clever.â
With flicking fingernails, Nancy picks up your discarded cards and folds them neatly back in the deck.Â
âIâm just saying,â and the tone she takes is a little gentler now, âdonât⌠let yourself miss out on something just because, I donât know, the thing youâre currently having fun with is what you think you want. What you feel you want and what you think you want are two very differentââ
âThis isnât entirely about me, is it?â you realize, defenses peeling down a little bit. The Nancy and Steve of it all had been looming since your (admittedly triumphant!) visit to the war memorial that was the boyâs bathroom. Still no sign of that place getting fixed, by the by. And ever still, Nancy hadnât told Steve about their little mission. Many a reason for that, you were led to believe. Not a lot she wanted to dissect, though.
Nancyâs face scrunches up and she stops packing the cards.Â
âNo. But letâs pretend like it is.âÂ
A groan escapes you as you sink back into your chair, a twinge of pain running along your shoulders. Â
âNance. This is all so much more complicated than you realize.â
âTry me.â
You toss a hand through your hair, slapping your palm down on the desk.Â
âFine. But if I tell you thisââ
A hand rises out between the two of youâ yours, pinkie extended.Â
âNot a word,â you press.Â
Nancy clamps her finger around yours in a way that enforces how super-serious she is about this. The reason your usual reserve doesnât hold up under that x-ray stare of hers is because you can tell she actually gives a shit. Sheâs not looking for gossip. She cares. Which is still an entirely alien feeling to you.Â
So the whole thing spills out. Steveâs party, the record store, getting locked up in Eddieâs trailer and getting locked up in feelings, Roane County Quarryâs incredible acoustics, the friendship that made you fold all the neatly arranged origami parts of yourself out toward him only to realize you had no idea how to fold them back. The kiss. The subsequent awkwardness of said kiss. The college guy. The relative radio silence. The fact thatâŚ
â...I donât feel like myself when heâs not around,â you say, lighting a fourth cigarette off your third. âIsnât that silly? I spent all this time painting this like, fabulous eggshell of myself then this wild-eyed, smart-mouthed, catastrophic ass smashes it clean open and nowââ
âAll the college boys couldnât put you together again,â Nancy nods. âYouâre a very beautiful Humpty Dumpty.âÂ
â... does Humpty Dumpty die in the end?â
âMaybe we shouldnât be teaching it to kids.â
âNo. They should know. The fall comes for us all.â
Thereâs a suspended silence. You get this feeling like youâve emptied your purse on the table and you still canât find that thing youâre looking for, despite sifting through everything.Â
âHow does that even happen?â you question, biting at the skin on your little finger. Not Humpty Dumpty, the Eddie thing. It comes out idle, but you pray that Nancy, with her feelings scalpel and surgical precision, doesn't decide to answer it.Â
Instead, she says, âYou need a photographer for that piece.â
Thatta girl. Your dimmer switch turns up. âFred hasnât even okayed it yet.â
âIâll deal with William Randolph Hearst, okay?â Nancy says derisively and tosses her eyes to heaven. She pushes her chair back. âAsk Jonathan Byers.â
âHe hasnât taken photos for us in a while,â you remark, eyes searching Nancy. Sheâs readying herself to leave, so totally dodging this line of questioning before you can even cast it. Clever.Â
âNo, he has not,â she sighs, winding her scarf around her neck, âBut heâd be good for this. He knows how to capture action. And his kid brother plays DnD with mine, so thisâd be, like⌠nice for them.âÂ
And this is just as much me making amends with Jonathan Byers as it is you, backwards as it may seem, you nearly hear her say. Or youâre making that up.Â
Shame Nancy is so dead set on becoming the next Nellie Bly. Under the right circumstances, sheâd make a hell of a normal person.Â
Good thing you prefer freaks.
â
Jonathan Byers is a notoriously hard boy to get a hold of, it turns out. Nancy passed along his number (which, you actually already had but you didnât bring that little detail up) and when you finally punched it in on the yellowing phone nailed to the wall of your trailer, it rang and rang and rang.Â
Which, after the fourth time, was just rude. Do the Byers have a thing about not answering the phone, or something?
âJonathan!â you holler across the parking lot, emerging from the passenger side of Nancyâs car this time.Â
College guy was decidedly busy and despite the hanging tension, youâd toyed with the idea of asking Eddie for a ride. Alas, the boy in the Dio patched battle vest was nowhere to be seen. His van hadnât been there since the weekend and he had been MIA from school the last couple of days, actually, which was itching at you.Â
It also made you miss when you had a goddamn set of wheels at your disposal.Â
Anyway, Jonathan looks at you with flaring eyes, kind of like youâve just stuck a shotgun to his snout and thereâs no hope of him making a getaway. âUmâŚâ
Now, keep in mind that these are the first words youâve spoken to him in a measurable high school forever, so his surprise is entirely justified. Itâs just not within the beam of your patience right now.Â
âHi. Can we chat?â you say, falling in step with him as you head towards the front door. You donât bother asking for permission, and forgiveness wonât be necessary. âI was hoping you could help me out with a piece for the Streak.â
Blink, blink. Jonathanâs grasping for wordsâ seems to be a lot of that going around lately.Â
You strike your hand through the air. âLet me put it to you like thisâ you are going to help me out with a piece for the Streak.â
âWhy?â he asks, and itâs prickly.Â
âBecauuuse,â you draw out, âI need a photographer. And god knows whenever Nicole attempted to work a lens, those snapshots were so out-of-focus they looked like an optical illusion.âÂ
âAnd, youâre not talking to Nicole right now,â Jonathan nails you, but not totally. In your mind, you revisit flashes of Nicole recounting, in gloriously erroneous detail, those photos Jonathan had taken of Nancy. You had pretended to be scandalized and rolled your eyes, thinking whatâs a little peep show among losers.Â
âEven if I was,â you say, dogging Jonathan all the way to his locker, âI still wouldnât ask her. This is important to me.âÂ
That avoidant Byers reserve stands strong, with Jonathan grabbing books in hurried succession. He is trying to get away from you, but thatâs not happening without an emphatic yes!Â
âI donât even reallyââÂ
âTake pictures anymore?â you pfft, pointing to his messenger bag, âTwenty bucks says your camera is in there and the filmâs half shot.âÂ
âI donât have twenty bucks.âÂ
âMe neither,â you shrug, âSpent it on that new Echo & the Bunnymen.â
Jonathan hesitates a bit, fingers strumming against his biology textbook. A thread of something long forgotten by the listening booths of Main Street Vinyl tugs between you both, but itâs not weighed down by the prospect of will we kiss about it. He kind of smiles.Â
âWhat did you think? I havenât gotten down to hear it yet.â
You thought it made you want a flowing dress and a place to prance. Like if the more whimsical end of Fleetwood Mac didnât exhaust you. Those last four tracks snapped your heartstrings like suspenders, with comical aplomb.Â
âGrandiose! That âKilling Moonâ song? Itâs got Jonathan Byers written all over it,â you chirp, and mean it. âIâll make you a copy if you put that camera to work for me.â
He shrugs, but you can see youâre wearing him down. âIâm not much for shooting pep rallies.â
âLiar. Wheeler says youâre top banana in the action shots department,â you counter, âBut how about players? I think I want some portraits, too. Non-corny ones.â
âWhat team?â Jonathan screws up his nose. The distaste for jockery runs deep, and rightfully so.Â
But you shake your head, face curving into an expression of near excitement.Â
âNo team. Better, and worse, depending on what side of the cafeteria youâre sitting,â your hands splay out, and for godâs sake, you feel like Munson himself, âHellfire Club.â
Jonathan looks like his recordâs skipped. Eyeballs sort of jiggle in his skull and he mouths, oh, like the association of you between Hellfire should mean something. Suspiciously like Nancy, and just suspicious period. Your eyebrows start to inch towards one another.Â
âWhatâs that look? Does that mean youâll do it?â
âUm,â he dillies, then dallies, âSure. Yeah. You know, my kid brother loves DnD.â
Ah, yes. The other Byers boy, the one whoâd gone missing all that time ago. You remembered. Actually, you remembered not being able to figure out how you should feel about itâ how you should act, other than falling in line with the majority of people who were giving Jonathan shit at the time. You regret that now, with a chill that runs right down to your toes.Â
âCould be cool for him to see, no?â you try, corner of your mouth lifting, âA little niche in the midst the high school horrors. To look forward to, yâknow.â
The look on Jonathanâs face is more than a little bit screaming, thatâs rich, coming from you, you were the high school horror. But he shakes it off, because heâs nicer than you are, even though he doesnât need to be.Â
âYeah⌠whatever you say, Lacy. When do you need me?â
You tell him Friday and he agrees, much to your satisfaction. Youâre just about to punch him on the shoulder like teamwork, buddy! before he saves you such a wildly out-of-character display by dodging toward his homeroom.Â
You sail toward your locker like the bastard thatâs risen alongside the cream, only to be greeted by something⌠strange. Scratches, all around the maudlin gray paintwork of your combination lock. Like itâd been tampered with, or something. A blaze of paranoia burns at the base of your skull, and you instinctively try to recount where your journal is⌠in your bag. Phew. Fine. This could be⌠anything.Â
Fingers reach forward to twist your lock, and with the slightest touch, the door is forced open by a push from the other side. A flash of bright red, then SPLAT. Yellow, SPLAT, blue, SPLAT, SPLAT, SPLAT! You shriek a real ear-piercing shriek as at least a dozen water balloons spill out of your locker, hitting the floor with an obscene smack. Water dashes everywhere, and youâre barely able to move out of the splash zone in time.Â
âWhat the fuck!â
Within seconds, thereâs a hubbub and a crowdâs gathering, trading sickening snickers with one another as you peer into the dark of your locker. You gingerly step through the puddle, suede boots irreparably spattered, and yank the door the whole way open. There, sat atop your schoolbooks and a stray water balloon that hadnât made the fall, is a horribly familiar set of test tubes.
In one of them sits a squirt of blue liquid and that offensive strip of plastic. And scrawled across it in clumsy black marker?Â
ITâS A FREAK!
Realization hits you like Carol did, making your head swim among all the murmurs of oh my god⌠and gross! and told youâtrailer trash and unconcealed cackles. A voice sparks up like a sizzling ember in a swathe of darkness.Â
âWhereâs your baby daddy at, Lacy? Get tossed in the slammer with your old man?âÂ
The languid tones of none other than Billy All-Balls-No-Brains Hargrove drift by you, sailing right past the back of your head as you stare a hole through the innards of your locker. Then, your stupid hippocampus gears upâ Robin, mentioning âyour whole thingâ while Genovese baby-barfed her guts up, Ronnie urging her to shut the fuck up, even Jonathan Byers was privy to this hot little piece of gossip.Â
This theory that you were up the spout with Munson Junior Junior.Â
How many people had seen you, stupid little you, coming out of that drugstore hiking that Advance box over your head like the championship cup? Seen you hopping into Eddieâs vanâ and out of it, and back in again on what now seemed like countless occasions?Â
Nobody could have suspected it was Nancyâs test, because nobody saw her. They saw you. That was the whole idea. You just didnât consider the blowback.
âWhatâs going on out here?â the softly-coated concern of Ms Kelley rings out in the hallway, doing absolutely nothing to disperse the peanut gallery thatâs set up around your locker.Â
âLacy?â her voice points to you. Even the goddamn guidance counselor uses your beloved nickname. Â
You donât react. You donât even know what youâre doing until you come to a couple of paces down the hallway, feeling the thin, straining rubber in the palm of your hand. Your footsteps make heavy, wet, slapping noises against the linoleum as you follow the half-slouched shouldered swagger of Billy Hargrove down the hall.Â
Down, and down, and down towards the boyâs locker room and he doesnât even register it, and you donât even register that Ms Kelley is still calling your nameâyour full name, nowâuntil sheâs two dozen paces behind you, losing you in the throng of students making their way to class and you shove past half-dressed seniors in the locker room who guffaw at you in a way that feels like a knife in your gut and you yell, voice shakingâ
âHey Billy!âÂ
And launch the water balloon, making square contact with his smug face.Â
âCute fucking prank!â
His reaction, predictably, is way too slowww moooootion for your fucking liking, so you donât even give him a shot to fully wipe his face off and mumble, âWhat the fuuuuck is yourrrr probbbblemmm, ssssllluuuuttttâŚâÂ
You just go for him with the ferocity of a jumping jackal. Hands ball in his stupid sleeveless flannel (itâs winter in Indiana, you West Coast jackass!) and you shove him against the lockers withâ well, with the strength only an ex-cheerleader brimming with suffocated rage would have.
Metal clatters and one empty unit even careens over like a big tin domino and you say, âCome up with that idea all by yourself, you fucking nimrod?â
Billy just smirks at you in half-speed, mullet sopping, as if this is a come-on. âI had a little help.âÂ
It occurs to you that right here, right now, you could sell Nancy Wheeler down the river. You could be the you you once were, and you could say, well, primo observation skills, that pregnancy test wasnât even for me!Â
But you donât, because a pinky promise is a fucking pinky promise.
You let go of Billyâs shirt. Step off. âYouâre pathetic,â you spit, but it feels more pathetic coming from you. All that molten blood in your veins makes you want to eviscerate him and whoever else was involved in orchestrating this stupid, stupid, stupid prank. But you come up lacking. Fuck!
Tears prickle at the corners of your eyes and you start to rush out of the locker roomâ but youâve given Billy a reason now, and heâs gonna follow you.Â
âShit, are you crying? Those hormones must have you really messed up, huh?â he faux-croons, the thunk-thunk of his poseur motorcycle boots following you to the back entrance, by the sports equipment. Your eyes are streaming freely now, lashes frantically blinking a path to vision.Â
But Billy isnât letting up. And like the Pied Piper of slimeballs, heâs drawing followersâ not least of which include Tommy Hagan.Â
âWhat about that college dropout youâre banging, Lacy?â his nasally tone slices through Billyâs tarry taunting. âHe know youâre knocked up yet?â
âJesus Christ, Doevski! Iâm impressed,â Billy laughs, âJust how many loads are you taking?â
An abandoned baseball bat lies on the ground, having rolled out of the sports closet; instinct behind the wheel of your personal van, you stoop to pick it up and shove through the doors. You can nearly feel the breath of Hargrove and Hagan and all of these horrific, horrific boys with nothing better to do than to torture you hot on the back of your neck.Â
âNot yours, thatâs for fucking sure,â you manage, your voice thick. The bat, at least, feels solid in your hand.Â
âItâs fun not being frigid, ainât it, Lacy?â Billy goes on, and you squint against the sunlight as you round the building. âTell me this, Munson teach you how to suck cock yet? âcause if not, I got a little time on my hands.â
Forging ahead, you cross the tarmac of the parking lot. The soft frost hasnât even totally thawed out yet, sparkling atop the paintwork of Billyâs blue Camaro.  Â
âThat a fact, Billy?â you say, tears drying in quick streaks in that brisk morning air, leaving rivets in your made-up face.
You use your momentum to launch one foot onto the hood of Billyâs car, then the other. You nearly slip against the icy exterior, but steady yourself fast. Bat dangling at your side. Stomp. Stomp. You stand on the roof, and turn to face this congregation of assholes. You do not let sense set in, despite it threatening to inch through the white hot flame of your rage.
âWhat the fuck are you doing,â Billy outright cackles and Hagan and company guffaw along with him.Â
âBilly,â you sigh, a little breathless from the speed at which youâd booked it from the locker room to the parking lot, and the sheer vigor of your shock, awe and rancor, and everything else, âWhat the hell am I supposed to do with your limp dick in my mouth? Chew on the fuckinâ thing?â
Billy repeats himself, a touch darker now. âWhat the fuck are you doing.â
âIâm serious!â you say, a little shrill, a little stomp to punctuate that last word, âOne thing you can say for Eddie Munson, is at least the motherfucker can get hard!âÂ
Motorcycle boots advance towards you, and you point the bat at him like a broadsword.Â
âDo not. Come any closer. Or Iâm gonna start doing some serious damage to this ugly piece of overcompensation.â
âSheâs bluffing,â Hagan crows, and you turn your flaming glare on him. You wish you had a mirrorâ you wonder if crazy becomes you. Billy takes a pointed step forward and you raise the bat above your, head bracing for actionâ thatâs enough movement for him.Â
âGimme that bat, you stupid fucking cuntâ!â But Billyâs cut short by a body barrelling into the side of him, knocking him askew. A jangle of denim and leather. The bat slips a little in your grasp.Â
âGet the fuck off of me MunsonââÂ
âNo way to talk to a lady, Billy!â Eddie gasps, tossing Billy back and letting his limbs hang. âYou kiss Karen Wheeler with that mouth?â
Billy rounds on him like a triggered animal, spittle flying.
âSome fucking lady!â he snarls, âGot downgraded to that trailer park and now her snooty ass is spreading it for half of Hawkins! Desperate! Stringinâ you along like the dumb piece of shortbus shit you aââ
Activated, you throw that bat to the fucking wayside and scramble off the fucking carâ nobody talks to him like that!Â
But youâre not fast enough, nobodyâs fast enough, nobody can compete with how huge and booming and definite Eddieâs voice sounds when he says, smile glimmering, sun breaking through the bleak midwinterâŚÂ
âYou know what I like about you, Hargrove?â Â
THKUNCK. Bone to bone, fist meet fucking fleshâ
âNothinâ.â
A scuffle goes up, and Eddie canât even feel the hits of Hargroveâs hands connecting with his face, chest, ribs, whereverâ all he can feel are your arms locking in vice around his waist, putting yourself in the eye of the storm in order to yank him back.
â
You got an elbow to the crown of the head, which isnât too bad, even if you feel like a cartoonish lump should be rising there. But look at these other guys.Â
Billy with a black eye thatâs bulging up rapidly, Eddie with a split lip and more than a couple of scratches on his knuckles. In that fray, he hadnât exactly considered the implications of punching a guy with all his goddamned rings on. The implications being that shit hurt like hell. There is this radiating pain in his hand, not letting him unfurl his fingers completely.Â
Thereâs also this radiating feeling of dread cloaking his entire upper half as you sit three-to-the-wall outside Higginsâ office. You had, in Eddieâs estimation, incredibly bad timing.Â
See, considering the events of his past week, he was slowly making peace with the fact that he should probably be avoiding you entirely, even if that meant he died a little inside. He should have been doing that from the jumpâ but you, unbuttoned and reckless now apparently, kept requiring interventions so you didnât get killed, or worse.Â
And Eddie couldnât help himself when it came to you. Especially not when you were standing on top of Billy Hargroveâs sick Camaro, swinging a baseball bat and getting called some shit that no one should ever be calling you.Â
Youâre out of control. Totally unsheathed. End of your rope. Unlaced.Â
And heâd do just about anything to keep you safe.Â
Even fuck up his guitar-playing hand. Which is also hisâŚ
âI canât believe you fucking suckerpunched me,â Hargrove mumbles from your left. âWith those ugly fucking rings on.â
Eddie canât help himself, the last shred of propriety knocked out round about the time a knee to the ribs had winded him. âAw. Billy. Donât be so hard on yourselfââ
âEddieâŚ,â you start, tone warning in a way that makes him want to pinch you, kind of. He leans towards Hargrove, meaning heâs leaning over you. Hair brushing across your shoulder. You notice that it smells distinctively skunkier than usual. Camping out at Lipton Landing?
â--honestly! Youâre no sucker!â he implores, eyes shining in jest, âYou totally had that coming!â
You hear Billy seething from his end, Eddie snickering from his and launch a well-timed arm in front of both of them before they can snap at it again.Â
âCut it out, assholes! This is becoming increasingly more pigheaded.â
âAnd youâre the voice of perfect reason now, huh?â Eddie sneers, not giving you much breathing room. âWhereâs the bat at, Babe Ruth?â
âIn the parking lot, waiting to finish you off,â you grit back, nearly nose-to-nose with him, because you donât know how to digest the guilt of his aching fingers.Â
âWhat are you mad at me for?â Eddie hisses, a smirk threatening to break his scowl, because he doesnât know how not to provoke you.
âKnocking her up, probably,â Billy mumbles from the side.Â
âShut up, Hargrove!â you both snap, eyes never leaving one another.Â
Higginsâ door creaks open and a quietly livid Ms Kelley says, âLacy.â She jerks her head, motioning for you to up and at âem. You do, but not without one last look at Eddie, cradling his hand. Round, bottomless irises meet yours for a moment, then dart away with an impact that thickens your throat.Â
His poor hand, you find yourself thinking.
âHe needs an ice packâŚâ you find yourself mumbling, Kelley shuffling you into Higginsâ office. The principal sits behind his beat-up desk, fingers steepled. You absently wonder if heâs been campaigning for a new, shinier, possibly more oaken desk because this doesnât paint the picture of threatening figurehead that he so clearly wants you to tremble under.Â
You accidentally kick the thing, crossing your legs as you sit. âSorry.â
âYou should be,â Higgins declares. Here we fucking go.Â
âPermission to state my case?â you attempt. This hadnât been your first time in the principalâs office; minor classroom infractions, a saccharine weâll do everything to help that we can after your dadâs arraignment, but this time was certainly the worst.Â
âDenied,â he shoots you down.
âPermission to submit a plea of temporary insanity, then,â you try, patting at the sore spot on the crown of your head. âYou know this doesnât bode with my track record. You think I climbed on top of Billy Hargroveâs car completely compos mentis? Please.â
A tense silence from Higginsâ and Kelleyâs end.
âYou saw what Hargrove did, didnât you? That disgusting prank?âÂ
Again, nada.
âIâm a honor student, for Chrissake!â you exclaim, and Kelley plucks herself from the windowsill behind Higginsâ desk.Â
âWere an honor student, Ms Doevski,â she corrects. âYour grades have been slipping sinceâ the events of the last couple of months. Youâve dropped cheerleading, youâve made really puzzling false claims about peer tutoring, youâŚâ
âYes! Yes, the events of the last couple of months, if by which you mean familial imprisonment, then yes, Iâve been a little distracted!âÂ
Higgins kicks back in his seat just as you hitch forward in yours, too angry to be pleading but too desperate to defy. His turn to mutter here we fucking go.
âI can turn this around,â redirected to Ms Kelley and her ever-sympathetic expression, âI can turn this around.â
âCollege applications deadlines are within touching distance, Lacy.â She of little faith.Â
âI know that!â As if your hands arenât itching every time college guy mentions Ithaca or⌠wherever the fuck it is he goes. As if that isnât a crack in the assuredness that you were going to take flight out of this town in a spectacular fashion.
âLadiesâ can we dispense with the hysteria and deal with the here and now?â Higgins insists and you and Kelley, despite your opposition, share a look.
World class, this guy. Top of his field, asshole-wise.Â
âTwo week suspension should do it,â he says, jotting something down.Â
You open your mouth in protest and Kelley quells youâ youâre in no position to start bargaining down.Â
âTechnically, she didnât do anything,â and for good measure, but pressed, âSir.â
âShe climbed on top of that boyâs car with a baseball bat!â Higgins barks; now whoâs hysteric?! âShe had intent to do harm!â
âIt was justified.â You canât help yourself.Â
Kelley stares him down, and that womanâs charm is something that should be studied in a fucking lab, because he relents right away.Â
âTwo weeks of Saturday detention, then. Christ. Am I going soft?â
You shake your head, all the knots in your body releasing just a little bit. You try to dig out whatâs left of your once-famously refined charm, while simultaneously dashing towards the door before he can change his mind.Â
âAu contraire. Youâre a paragon of masculinity, sir. Regan could take a hint. Door open or closed?â
Higgins grimaces. âSend in Hargrove. Tell Munson heâs suspended. I donât have time for both of those pricks today.âÂ
Eddieâs voice travels through the crack in the door. âI heard that, sir.â A beat. âI miss you, sir.â
You bite back a deeply reluctant laugh and jerk your head toward Billy. Youâre up, champ.
Then, itâs the two of you. You and Eddie, Eddie and you. Alone, save for the ever watchful jam jar eyes of Janice the secretary. Eddie is still nestling one hand in the other like itâs a baby bird with a broken wing. Shit, you really hope it isnât broken.  Â
âYouâre suspended. They told me to tell you.â Itâs a statement made to turkey-stuff the silence more than anything.Â
The way Eddie lolls his head back makes you want to reach out and push it in the opposite direction. You donât know why.Â
âYouâre a regular town crier, ainât ya.âÂ
âHear ye, hear ye.âÂ
A leaden pause. Your hearts might have thumped both in time just now.
âWanna get out of here?â he asks.
âNo leaving school grounds,â Janice unhelpfully squawks.Â
Eddie gets up, drawing himself to his full height. Your eyelids flutter. Thereâs a little purple around that cut on his lip, which you bet is starting to throb something awful. You feel dwarfed beside him, and he uses his good hand to turn you by the shoulder and shuffle you past the nosy secretaryâs post.Â
âI meant the sick bay, Janice,â Eddie pelts, giving each vowel sound a hard flick. âIâm wounded. And sheâs apparently pregnant. Or didnât you hear?â
â
The nurseâs office is tiny and cramped, smelling of bleach with a glaring fluorescent overhead. Eddie has a hard time figuring out why anyone would come here to feel better. Especially given that Nurse Lydia is barely ever present.Â
Eddie carpes the opportunity to slam himself down on her rolling saddle chair, gliding into your path as you try and snoop around for first aid materials. Â
âI donât think you should be driving that thing,â you remark, âYou could be concussed. Youâre acting concussed.âÂ
âItâs keeping me awake!âÂ
Eddie watches you, digging through drawers and pulling out tongue depressors, your teeth making an indent into your bottom lip. Your eyes are doing that darty thing, quietly frantic in place of an apology. You donât know how to say sorry you got wailed on by Hargrove for me. Instead, youâre acting like heâs bleeding out.Â
âLace, just wait for the professional.âÂ
The clip of your nickname makes you toss your stare over your shoulder, hardness framing your eyes like mascaraed lashes. Eddie stops rolling around at once.
âI am the goddamn professional, as far as youâre concerned.â Your little chin jerks towards the exam table thatâs beat into the corner of the room. âGet on the bed.â
Whack-a-mole. Woodpecker. Other euphemisms for his cock developing a pulse. Eddie has to physically restrain his jaw from dropping.Â
âYes, Nurse Ratched.â
Scoffing out a little fuck you!, you go about scrambling together supplies and Eddie obediently launches himself onto the bed, the ancient thing creaking beneath him. When you finally approach him, you seem to be holding a lot of alcohol pads.Â
The look before you admit to a shortcoming is one he wants framed. You always flick your eyes around like a guilty cartoon character, like Betty Boop on her way to gaining a doctorate in the pretentiousness of the English language, and pout. Lean your neck in, like youâre swearing him to secrecy.Â
âI actually donât know anything about first aid. Beyond the rudimentaries.â
Eddie chuckles. âYou were a cheerleader. You were getting thrown in the air a whole bunch, if I recall. Feels like you should know how to like, resuscitate.â
âRudimentaries, I said!â and you grab his injured hand a little roughly, alcohol pad torn out and ready, âLike, I obviously know alcohol disinfects a wound, ice for a bruise⌠I donât know how to, like, reset a bone. BesidesâŚâÂ
You inch closer to him now, wiping at his torn and tender knuckles a little too carefully. Theyâre just stupid cuts, Eddie thinks, his breath beginning to shallow.Â
â...that Cat People remake was premiering at the Hawk the day we had first aid training. Like I was going to miss that.âÂ
He can feel heat radiating off your body, a core change for cold little you. Feel the fabric of your skirt brush the rip in his jeans. A little choked, he mumbles, âCat People is a remake?â
âBased on the 1942 original,â you nod, flicking the tiny used pad in the nearby trash can. âI like it. But I like that David Bowie song more.â
âThat song sucks.â
âYouâre injured and wrong. What a shame.â Your fingers close around Eddieâs wrist and slowly, slowly press his forearm to his chest. âKeep that elevated.â
âItâs not broken,â and heâs staring at the quiet tremble in your bottom lip.
âCould be sprained,â head cast down again, tearing open another pad, and he can smell your hair, âDoes it hurt?â
Eddie doesnât answer right away, because heâs waiting for you to look back up. Because he thinks heâs going to carpe something else.Â
You fall for it, and your eyes sucker him in. He feels weak in the joints. You repeat yourself. âDoes it hurt, Eddie?â
He just nods, boyishly. Nearly passes out when your fingertips tilt his face towards the light. Skin buzzing underneath them, you peering at his mouth like you know what youâre doing. The slit in his lip feels raw and strained.Â
âThisâll hurt, too,â you murmur, and he feels your breath against his jaw. A sharp prick from the alcohol against his cut doesnât make him winceâ worse. As you swipe the cotton against his bottom lip, he whimpers. Unh.
Oxygen stops short in your throat, hearing that. That noise. It sends a wave of motion through your lower body. Youâre leaning awfully close to him, closer than you need to be. In fact, his knees are settled either side of your hips. How did that happen. When did that happen. How did you allow this.Â
How are you allowing your fingertip to trace against his lip, alcohol evaporating without a hope or a prayer. How are you allowing yourself to look at him through the fan of your lashes, his injured hand still obediently propped against his chest. His good hand pressing into your lower back.
You taste the vagueness of the disinfectant on his lips as he presses them into yours.Â
Jerking back, youâre not far enough away from him to create a distance that matters. All you see are Eddieâs eyes, flickering open, apologetic in themselves. About to tell you heâs sorry.
No.
Hands fly, one woven in the curls at the base of his skull as you kiss up into him, tongue an impolite peak. This is not the closet; this is arguably far more dangerous, with the nurseâs door still open a courteous gap. This is the harsh light of day. This is Eddieâs hand moving your skirt further up the curve of your ass.Â
Heâs grabbing onto you as best a one-armed man can, and your hand travels in turn. A jagged, fevered path drawing up his thigh until, under your palm, is the hard outline of him. The pressure of your hand over the denim-bound curvature of his cock makes him groan sharply, the sound pressed against your cheek.Â
Face angles back for a look at him. Because this is bad, mindless, reckless, stupid. And heâs always worth a look.
You spot a tiny speck of blood on the pink of his lip from where his cut had split.Â
And your curious tongue flicks at it.Â
Eddieâs eyes flare. You, unable to unglue your stare from his, suck his lightly bleeding lip between yours. Fragile. Crushable.Â
He did this for you.Â
No oneâs ever cared, or known you enough, to do something like that for you.
Desire moves you like a shockwave and your hand leaves his crotch to help you clamber onto the exam table, clamber into Eddieâs lap.Â
Downright idiotic.Â
You cast a glance to the door, Eddieâs fraught breath puffing against your neck.Â
Thought you were a smart girl.
You look right into his face, the poster boy for sheer distraction, pre-occupation, skin-searing annoyance, nervous charm, surprising wit, magnetism, oh my⌠and feel his fingers edging far past the hem of your skirt, past the binding top of the thigh-highs youâre wearing because itâs fucking laundry day and stopping at the gusset of your panties.Â
He can feel how wet you are.
Lips a breath away from each other, one set bleeding, one set housing a gasp. Eddie nudges his forehead against yours, the both of you blind to consequence.
âJust friends, right?â His breath is jagged and unconvinced, and your hips kick toward his hand.Â
You do not answer.
Unbruised fingers push the fabric covering your radiating heat aside and you have to tighten your grip around the back of his neck so as not to tumble over. Eddie is not deft, because this isnât the moment to be deft. He plunges two fingers into the plush of your pussy and looks to you with pleading eyes. Eyes that say, is this good, eyes that say, donât make a sound.
You nod in the affirmative to both and he drags his digits out slowly. Rhythm picks up and youâre clenching around Eddieâs hand in a matter of minutes, lower muscles seizing and het-up moans being gratefully swallowed by him. Pad of his thumb moves to create rough, clumsy friction against your clit that elicits a sharp, high, wanton ah! from you, grinding against him in an unquenchable search for more.
âDoes he do this? Does anyone do this for you, Lacy?â
Eddieâs eyes keep searching you for approval and youâve lost the ability to appease or deny himâ all you know is the blind, nonsensical want thatâs pouring out of you is being lapped up. Lapped up. His tongue, you want his tongue everywhere, but itâs working at your earlobe, your neck, sucking, whispering, âJust friends? Lacy?â
And when you cum, itâs fast and hard and suffocating, an achievement youâre close to angry at him forâ because no one has ever been able to break you apart that fast.Â
Or at all.
He can never know. Heâd be so insufferable about it⌠some bare fragment of a thought passes through your brain, synapses busy firing elsewhere.
Youâre rocking against him through the crest, pressing your forehead to his with such a force that youâre frightened itâll splinter, youâre murmuring, âEddie⌠Eddie, dâhmn, fuckâŚâ
And you can tell by the way heâs attempting to press his body against you that he wishes he hadnât bust that stupid fucking hand of his, so he could hold you properlyâ and youâre right. Youâre right, youâre always fucking right, but you told him to keep it elevated and heâs going to do what you say.
Heâs got no choice when it comes to you.Â
He needs you safe. Needs you happy. No matter what.
Which is why heâs got to pull this bullshit move.Â
Eddie is patient and watches you regain a little consciousness, faster than heâs sure youâd like. He extracts his hand and, sticky with you still, wipes it on the thigh of his jeans. Heart thundering in his ears, he tugs you into one more breathless kiss and wonders if you can still taste the rust sharpness of his cut in between your lips. Heâs strangled himself against cumming up till this point, and this doesnât help matters. An imperceptible spot of pre-fun lies in his lap but the thing is, the really fucked thing isâ
Eddie gently shoves you away, mind silently babbling for the right thing to say. Iâm sorry is something youâd see right through, get off is too harsh, oopsie is too fucking whimsicalâ
But you, ever-perceptive you, you realize your place. Knock yourself back into reality so fiercely that heâs afraid itâll bruise you, lovely, awe-inspiring you that just softened into his hands like that. You clumsily clamber off the exam table in a hot flash of rejection, whichâ no, god, no, he doesnât mean thatâŚ
âIââ
âNo, I know,â you grit, prickly all over. Thumbing at the edge of your blurred lipstick. âI know. I certainly know.â
Eddie dares to look at you and you dare to look back at him. His lips looking worse off from you, but at the very least kissed. At the very least kissed, but you could cry with the empty feeling inside you. A cavern of a girl. You nod curtly, like this is the conclusion of a particularly charged run-in of acquaintances, not like you wanted him to swallow you whole moments ago.Â
Slipping out of the nurseâs office, you run right into the myth that is Nurse Lydia.Â
She looks tan.Â
âHeâs,â you struggle, âHeâs waiting for you.â
â
Cheating out sick from school and taking a shift at The Bookstore following the latest in a series of apparently neverending aftershocks was probably not the smartest callâ but hell, youâre fresh out of smart calls.
Ivana smells a rat, and she doesnât take to rats lightly, so she gives you your space.Â
The morning ticks on at a pace that feels supernatural; like youâre witnessing outside of your body, like you canât orient yourself in the right direction. You attempt to arrange and rearrange poets from alcoholic to puritan. You sell someone a copy of The Fountainhead without giving them their free blistering evisceration of Ayn Rand.Â
Youâre at a loss. A shameful, dangling loss that almost makes you feel pious. Like you should go to confession.Â
Bless me, Father, for I have sinned⌠I let my one-time best friend, current-cloudy object of my affection get beat up for me then bring me to climax in the nursesâ office.Â
You retread the same sentence in your over-thumbed copy of Save Me the Waltz like a table corner you keep stubbing your toe on.Â
We couldnât go on indefinitely being swept off our feet.
You said it, Alabama. Somethingâs got to land.
And, because someone down there wants you dead, land it does.Â
The bell of the storeâs door clashes upon opening, and all of the energy draws toward one magnetic point. A shock of silver hair, standing on end catches the lamplight, glowing almost eerily.Â
You feel a zzzzip of static. The air feels charged.
He doesnât face you right away. Kind of slinks into the place, edging along the shelves.Â
âSay, Lacy. Ballpark me somethinâ,â his Southern drawl is barely contained within the Midwestern flatlands of his accent, bursting through the baseline like a corpse that hasnât been buried deep enough. âHow long⌠do you thinkâŚâ His fingers tap along the worn spines of the display, creeping closer to the counter, â...it would take⌠to read all these books?â
The lilt of his voice is so familiar that you recognize it instantly. Even the way your name falls out of his mouth. Like a funhouse mirror, a distortion of a voice youâd come toâŚ
Well. Letâs not get into that. Letâs get into this.
A roguish smile with a couple decades of road wear on it and a tacky Hawkins High class ring on his finger. You couldâve sworn Eddie told you he dropped out.Â
âHow many years in the big house with nothinâ better to do?â He finally stops and pivots on his heel. The way he looks you over makes you nauseous and lightheaded, like he took a long, long sip out of you. Jammed a straw in your jugular and sucked.Â
Lot of blood play happening âround these parts.
âHello, Al.â
âHello, sweetheart. You filled out.â
author's notes: christ alive. i mean WELCOME BACK! i really missed you guys. happy new year, thank you for keeping me on the level with writing this chapter, it was so much FUCKING harder than i anticipated! was it too much warped angst? are the feelings complicated? does the pope shit in the woods?!!!!! you betcha. anyway, be seated for today's lesson - "less oedipus-y, more ea--..." there is an ending to that joke that i felt was too crass for the moment but if you can guess it you win a prize - the patchwork girl of oz is the seventh book in the wizard of oz series by l. frank baum! obviously. it's actually a laugh riot, you should check it out. scraps, the eponymous patchwork girl, is a full tilt lunatic who's kind of a bit of me. but theoretically, the patchwork girl made out of a thousand different scraps of everything else... bit of lacy innit - the mage in the mink coat is self referential lmao we've gotten to THAT point in the story - gravity's rainbow is a book that guys i dated used to recommend to me constantly which is like infinite jest for people who are ran through - i'm really fucking with college guy at this point, making him drive a ford cortina. because i think it is ugly - the plot of the annotated book that lacy gives eddie, still life with woodpecker by tom robbins, is... interesting eye emoji eye emoji. tom robbins also wrote even cowgirls get the blues which was adapted into a feature film starring, say it with me, robin's mom - the link wray song that soundtracked the lipton landing visit in question - "charlie? or linda kasabian?" go ahead and read the white album by joan didion for me wouldja buddyroo, just like lacy and nancy already have - fun fact, i played a two person game of gin rummy with myself to get into the mindset for this chapter. i suck at it - torchy blane is another one of my pre-code wonders-- glenda farrell plays an intrepid newspaperwoman, and this character actually went on to inspire lois lane from superman - and I KNOW some of you are going to be mad at lacy for fucking college guy, but... shit happens when you're a booksmart lovedumb eighteen year old that can't face up to her feelings! i don't wanna hear it! - fred benson i love you baby! i'm almost sorry i called you william randolph hearst, newspaper magnate and all around lunatic and the inspo behind the diss track citizen kane, but i'm not! - nancy wheeler has a photo of nellie bly in her locker where a photo of her beau should be - so echo & the bunnymen's 1984 album ocean rain is obviously most famous for the killing moon (jonathan byers you ARE my donnie darko) but may i point your attention to motherfucking seven seas - OH YOU KNOW I (EDDIE) HAD TO DO IT TO 'EM. this was shameless but i've had this in my heart for over ten years babe - for the purposes of this timeline, you know eddie is keeping higgins in pills. which is why he hasn't been kicked out of hawkins high so fast his lunchbox would combust - nurse ratched, obviously from one flew over the cuckoo's nest and that ill-fated ryan murphy series....tf was that...but also from this fucking sick tune! - save me the waltz is by zelda fitzgerald! my loves, thanks for hanging in for this chapter. i know it was a wait, but i hope you enjoyed! i also know it was a little more angsty pants than my usual fare-- but look baby. we need grist for the mill, okay? as always, reblogs, comments and likes are FIERCELY appreciated! love u all so much. my little hellcats. to die by your side etc
#e. munson by powder#published by powder#in progress#hellfire & ice#eddie munson x reader#eddie munson x f!reader#eddie munson x you#eddie munson x oc#rmr when i used to write 4k chapters.... god be with the days#anyway i love these fuckheads
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back at it on r/antiship. for the hell of it, let's go thru why these are strawman arguments at best, stupid at worst, or why what they're saying is objectively true!
TL;DR, half of the things they say are correct, but are framed as being bad things, and the other half is just misinterpreting what proshippers actually say. also they don't know what "normalization" or "romanticization" mean.
hiding under the cut so y'all don't gotta scroll for years
-first pic- that isn't the reason conservatives think lgbt ppl are pedos. they'd think that regardless of what fiction they like, because no matter what, they'd see us as predators/pedos/whatever bad thing. q art will always be inherently problematic to conservatives.
the reason WHY people equate "problematic" fanfic/art to q art is because they both deserve to be protected, they both are often called "degenerate", and that if they censor one, they'll censor both, because to the people that want to censor it, they're both one and the same. it's always "too sexual", or "what if kids see it", or "it promotes the Bad Thing", and just because they're pointing the gun at "problematic" fiction rn, doesn't mean they won't turn the gun on YOU.
-second pic- 1. fiction doesn't affect reality! at least not on a 1:1 basis! correct! 2. that is also correct! i can be interested in violent, gory movies, but i don't like OR condone violence or gore irl! correct! 3. if it walks, talks, and acts like a puritan, it's probably a puritan. stop advocating for censorship and puritanism and we won't call you that. 4. correct again! it isn't mine or anyone else's job to monitor what other people's kids do on the internet. the internet is not for children. 5. hate to say it, because i don't wanna say ANYONE protects predators, but antis do tend to create spaces where preds can sneak around undetected as long as they say The Right Thingâ˘. 6. if you're allowing your 6 yr old to watch videos that say "fluttershy supports MAPs!", then you need to take away the ipad, not start banning shit. 7. gonna keep it real, idk what this means. stop using these words, i guarantee you they don't mean what you think they mean. 8. same as above 9. what 10. okay great, good for you that you only know ONE predator that's an anti. what about the hundreds of others that lurk in the shadows because they say the right thing, and pretend not to like problematic stuff? what about Kyle Carrozza, ya know, the anti that was arrested not too long ago? feel like we're ignoring some stuff here for the sake of pretending your side's good, and ours is bad.
-third pic- 1. well, antis are, aren't they? if you think csem should be criminalized (and it should), and you equate fanart to actual csem, then yes, you ARE trying to criminalize fantasy. 2. two things. for one, it's not always a sexual thing. hell, half the time it isn't. and two, fetishes DON'T hurt anyone (unless the whole point is to hurt someone, but there's always consent!) 3. correct! fictional characters don't have rights. are you advocating for them to? 4. you can't act like porn abolition isn't a cornerstone argument for A LOT of antis. if you agree that fictional smut is bad, chances are you think porn's bad, too. (which also overlaps with radfem beliefs too!) 5. they're not blood related because they're NOT REAL. it doesn't matter if they say they're blood related, because they're fictional. 6. are you insinuating you need to get consent from these fictional characters before you ship them? 7. why should i care? does it hurt anyone? no. does it do any damage? no. is there any downside whatsoever? no? then what does it matter. let people do what they want forever.
#i'm not gonna say the q word i'm sorry. just makes me personally uncomfy. but y'all know what the q-word is#proship#profic#proshippers please interact#anti anti#đđ¸
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