#that's just calling for a horrible experience

[nerdylilpeebee]

"they just think we're something to be used."

Tell me you only exist online without saying you only exist online.

Porn is porn. Some of it, yes, does come from trafficking, and plenty in the industry are exploited. But calling it "paid rape" downplays what rape is. Rape victims did not get a check in exchange for the experience. They did not get to sign a paper saying it was okay and get money in exchange for acting on camera.

That is not rape. Rape is nonconsensual sex. It is traumatizing. It is horrible. It is not the same as porn.

not anti porn in a "muh dick don't work no more" way or in a "these fucking whores are ruining this generation of good christian men" way but in a "i think women are human beings" way

[lesser-vissir]

I really do appreciate when a trans man decides to be an absolutely horrible misogynist cause it makes it so much easy to then point out their transmisogyny.

Anyways, just wanted to document some things about a trans man who is absolutely losing his shit and attacking trans women over it.

Anyways, it started with this absolutely out of pocket reply to a pretty tame post by a trans woman.

Really aggressive out of fucking nowhere. Then pivoting directly into massive levels of misogyny. At the same time, because she used the word tboy to describe him tangentially he tries to act like she's infantalizing him and also downplaying his experiences. He then proceeds to infantalize her and downplay her experiences.

Every accusation is a fucking confession with this dude apparently. Of importance to note he also played the classic "add white to make it seem less transmisogynistic" line despite being white himself. Then also uses AAVE specifically while being mad and wanting to come off as aggressive. Could be nothing, maybe he always talks like that.

Finally he tops it off with some more, incredibly vicious misogyny when called on his behaviors.

[lilia-calderus-pet-goat]

Found-Family headcanons for a³'s coven of chaos, part 4: (because they all deserved more time with each other)

(warning: drinking)

(part 3, here) - (part 2, here) - (part 1, here)

Everyone loves to give Señor Scratchy treats, even when Agatha insists they shouldn't.

Señor Scratchy especially loves Billy, Lilia and Sharon. He does likes to cuddle everyone, though. Except Jen, who he's always trying to bite, (???) because he wouldn't be Agatha's familiar if he didn't.

One day Jen jokes that she will turn him into a purse if he rages against her again—and everyone defensively yells at her at the same time. “Okay! Okay! Jeez! I was joking!”

Sharon cuts fruit for everyone every time they hang out together and forces them to eat it before doing anything else.

Jen usually pays for everything. It's the price of her constantly bragging about her, “real job.”

Agatha always teases her about it. One time, Lilia felt bad—and so she “went to the bathroom” and payed for everyone herself.

Billy himself got his first bad alcohol experience at age seventeen at his first big teen party, which Eddie took him to.

He got very fucking wasted very quickly because turns out he's not great at holding his alcohol. So—he begged Eddie not to call his parents, because, “they've bEeN through enOUGH I'M A HORRIBLE SON AND NOT EVEN reALLY THeirS--”

So, Eddie sighed and called Agatha to get him instead. And yes, your girl did drive ALL the way to Eastview—and spent the whole night sleepless, sobering him up to save him from the hungover. She was just glaring at Rio all night long, telling her to go make coffee and no funny business, while holding his head over the toilet. She was surprisingly gentle and comforting during the experience—because she does have her moments—like when Lilia had her traumatic hallucination in Jen's trial and Agatha gently went, “okay” instead of mocking her. That's the vibe.

BUT he still got the scolding of his life the next day. The whole neighbourhood heard Agatha yelling.

During the argument Agatha yelled that, “I'm not your mother!” and he shot back, “I know that, do YOU know that??” Which caused her to avoid him for a few days.

Later, Rio told him how much it actually affected her and why—and Billy felt really bad about it. On mother's day, he gave Agatha a gift basket of stuff he made himself, (with his bio-mom's help.) Agatha said it was tacky and unnecessary—but she actually teared up a bit. She opened the window and yelled at Wanda's abandoned lot to make an insensitive joke about how, “suck it, Wanda, you rank last in the mom list—” as to not show too much vulnerability. But Billy is used to her by now—and he knows that she appreciated it.

Alice always feels sad on mother's day. She visits her mother's grave site and tells her how bad her life is. This year, Billy went with her. And for thr first time, Alice only had goof things to tell her. About how she broke the curse—and she can finally do something with her life now. About how she got a new job, and a coven.

And, to cope, Alice got a gift for Lilia and one for Sharon. They may not be her actual mothers—but she appreciates them both endlessly and their support means the world to her. She got them both protective crystals.

You know who ELSE got Sharon a gift??

Well, Sharon doesn't either. She just received an anonymous bouquet of Azaleas and she had no idea who sent it to her.

It was Agatha, but she'd die before admitting it. She's the last person you'd suspect, since she still calls her Mrs. Hart despite how triggering it is, or pretends she doesn't remember her existence at all. In reality, she's grown fond of the Westview residents despite her best efforts not to. She doesn't particularly respect them and she does view them as “lesser,” but she doesn't wish them harm. They did take care of her for three years—and the Agnes role does have bits and pieces of Agatha in it.

Billy finds out through Rio and accidentally tells Alice. Alice tells Jen, Jen tells Lilia, (because she's not about to hide Agatha's embarrassing secret.) and Lilia tells Sharon.

Sharon is surprised but also extremely moved, considering she doesn't have any living family. She wants to thank Agatha, so she gets the idea to throw her a surprise party. (Since she herself hasn't been to a party since Mr. Davis passed away and she really wants to attend one!!)

She gets help from the coven but also invites all the main Westview residents that we know and love. Rio proposes the idea of writing, 'Agnes of Westview' on the cake, to get back at Agatha for always calling them by their Wanda-branded names. Sharon doesn't want to, but everyone else finds it hilarious, so they do it.

Agatha pretends to be extremely annoyed.

She isn't. She just never expected this to happen to her. For people to want to be there—and to see her as someone at least capable of good—someone who deserves a second chance.

They eat and drink together, having a blast. Billy isn't allowed to drink, but Agatha sneaks him a glass. Just ONE glass. You know, to teach him responsibility, as if she's the queen of it. “It's about knowing when to stop, teen.” “oh is it? tell us more”

Sharon is the opposite of a light-weight. She chugs down those shots like they're nothing—and if you ask her, she'll dismissively wave and say she's “lived a life.” Still, she doesn't seem to know her limits, and she gets carried away. At least she prepared some bomb ass charcuterie for everyone!!

Jen is a classy drinker, picky with her alcohol. She knows her limits and always drinks just enough to “make the company tolerable,” since, “no sane person could ever find you idiots amusing without a few shots.”

Lilia becomes incredibly talkative when she drinks and she loses whatever filter she may have otherwise had. Not to say that usually she has too much of a filter, but drunk, she literally becomes Patti Lupone. Jen finds it endearing and listens intently, Alice finds it sort of amusing but also a bit shocking, Rio matches her freak and Agatha just finds it fucking terrifying.

You'd expect Rio to be wilding, but she already does that sober. No, instead, she becomes very clingy and very affectionate—just whipped over Agatha. And she's kind of a light-weight too, which surprises everyone at first. It's because her real form is literally skeletal and her human form is probably maintained magically—so there's less actual real body mass to dilute the alcohol. So, death can tear through the fabric of reality, but metabolising alcohol is just too difficult.

Alice can hold her alcohol very well. She was once the definition of a teenage dirtbag, so she has experience in the field. Now she's pretty sensible. She's also the most clear-headed, even when she's drunk enough to stumble around.

Agatha herself is a slow drinker because she wants to make fun of everyone else for being less sober than her. She's developed a fair bit of tolerance over the years, but when it finally hits it really hits.

During a particularly rough case of drunkenness her and Jen sung karaoke together. Not during Agatha's party, though. Neither of them can quite recall the incident, or so they claim. Unfortunately for them, Alice recorded the whole thing. Rio made it her ringtone, as did Lilia.

Jen forces Lilia to get a skin-care routine. “Doll, I actively choose to look like this because I don't have the time or energy to maintain a youthful appearance. What makes you think I'll spend money on these products that capitaliSe in womeN's InsEcuriTiEs—I'm a divination fraud, you're a beauty guru fraud, we're both senior citizens, I don't care for this—”

And Jen is like, “okay ouch but nO this is nOt what I've been selling. This is new. We're not talking about just a luxury—the skin is the largest organ of the body and is exposed to various environmental stressors like pollution, UV rays, and temperature changes, as well as internal factors like stress and diet. I'm giFting these products to you I mAde them in a cAuLdron.”

Lilia is so flabbergasted by the clarity of Jen's explanation that she agrees. However, she constantly forgets to actually apply it.

Fortunately, Jen never forgets. And Lilia is probably the only person that Jen tolerates to constantly give reminders to.

[soodoonimin]

So here’s the thing about Logan, in the movies everyone treats him like he’s an animal (big shock), they treat him like he’s dangerous, like there is something inherently wrong with him.

But no one seems to care to acknowledge that what is “wrong” with Logan probably isn’t what they think it is. In the original X-men movies when the X-Men, despite them a) knowing Logan most likely is over a hundred years old b) literally being a place where mutants are supposed to live without being ashamed of themselves and c) acknowledging that in order to have the adimantium put in his bones he would have to been experimented on and d) have a literal nuke on the team (Jean), still treat him like he’s this unmanageable person because he’s a little grumpy and kind of sassy (mind you also he’s only been in this mansion for like a few fucking days but they act like they already know)

And I really need you to understand something. Logan in the first three X-Men movies is an entirely different character from the comics, not just in the literal sense but in the sense that in the comics Logan is very much an old man in almost every sense of the word except for how he looks. The movies really downplay his age and his troubles, barring a few scenes. So Logan in the X-Men movies is a lot younger in spirit than his comic book counterpart. Which isn’t a problem but it’s kind of weird especially when the characters are treating Movie Logan the way they might treat Comic Logan. And honestly I gotta say that Comic Logan wouldn’t stand for even half the disrespect that the Movie X-Men throw his way 😭

“Yes you have been horribly experimented on and have lived longer than anyone in this room and god I can’t imagine what untold horrors you have experienced.”

And then in the next scene Logan is being talked to like a fucking child or being called an ANIMAL and BOY😭 like what do you mean no one was like “Um actually Hank he’s like over 100 years old…”

Like, even in the cartoons I have a better time believing that Logan is a little more tired and grizzled than early 2000s X-men Movies Logan and this isn’t a diss about the movies but an interrogation (more or less) of how the characters treat him. Because they treat him like another kid and it’s fucking insane to me.

But regardless no matter which versions of then man, Logan out of anyone in that damn mansion deserved to be give some kind of empathy not just for his horrible unknowable past but also for the fact that a majory of his behaviors doesn’t just come out of nowhere and CHARLES FUCKING XAVIER should have known this!!! 😭 and yes they do extend him a lot of grace but I also feel like they’re very condescending towards him which kind of defeats that.

And like i have this HC that his standoffish attitude is a kind of version of his healing factor. Like to some extent I believe that the character’s attitude can partially be attributed to his healing factor in the sense that it’s meant to ward off potential threats (emotional or physical). But no one else in the damn mansion seems even the least bit curious about any components of Logan’s mutation are just like “Guy with bad attitude, claw and incredible healing factor.” And I know it would have been ridiculous for Logan to just tell them what his mutation was but I wish there was a scene where (at the very fucking least) CHARLES of all people was like “Oh no, there’s more to him than meets the eye.” And even if they never fucking elaborated on that at there would have been some indication that that man didn’t just see him and bad attitude with a tragic backstory 😭😭😭

[jaythejester]

Real quick Gravity falls idea/thought of "what if" with the memory gun and Stan.

Slight heads up!: There will be mentions of Stan's unwell mental state during the "Murder shack" Era.

Real quick thought. If Stan and Fiddleford did meet while Stan called the Mystery Shack the "Murder Hut" and became friends because they bonded over certain traumas, would Stan ever use the memory gun if Fiddleford gave him the chance to use it? Think about it: Stan has a lot of horrible experiences which caused so much mental damage. And due to such a fact, would he actually use the memory gun to forget each experiences? So many terrible memories simply erased, and that would change his character completely. Would he be more sad if he couldn't remember why he felt so miserable, suspicious and scared, all the time? Or would he just happy, a mentally unwell happy. Would his mind trick him that it'll be alright to do such a thing because he "hasn't" done it before? There are so many possibilities of what could happen to his personality, but none that can probably help his mental state, all because of the memory gun removing the horrible memories from the past. The memory gun can only erase, not help, only the memories will be forgotten, not how your mental state is after them. (Do what ya'll want with this small idea/thought I had. Again, this was a mere thought of what if.)

[gale-gentlepenguin]

One thing I can say about the "Salt Fic" phenomenon is that Re-Creation has made the metaphorical hourglass to turn.

At the beginning of the phenomenon, Adrien, Ayla and, honestly, everyone who was part of that class were called horrible thing by the fandom, and treated like if they were worse than Gabriel, just bc the writers liked to steal their braincells every time Lila was important for the plot.

But now, thanks to the writers making Marinette do a stupid decision (Promise Gabriel that she wouldn't tell Adrien about either the Sentibeing thing nor the Hawkmoth thing), she's the one that's being called horrible things and treated like she was worse than Satan himself.

If you're going to call someone an "abuse apologist" and a "victim-blamer", call the writers that, not Marinette, who doesn't deserve to be blamed for her writers' shittiness.

It wasn’t an hourglass flip.

From my experience. The sea of salt flows with the currents.

Granted Re-creation does make chameleon seem like a well written episode.

It’s nothing new. Marinette salt has always existed. It’s just this episode opened the flood gates.

If one actually delves deeper into the episode, the more apparent the writers failed to really think through the finale.

Also people forget that Marinette was impacted by that nightmare stuff too. It was impairing her judgement. People forget that.

My complaints usually end up with the writing.

[rosalesbeausderholle]

The alienation I feel from other women when they mention saving their pussies... why are you mistreating her? :(

[napping-sapphic]

Send me every little selfie you take so that i can look at them whenever i miss you

[silverwhittlingknife]

can we have a hint about what the spring break tim patrol chapter of red letter day contains? (you kept having dick say "if the joker shows up" and tim's "he won't." for me to be convinced that goes off without any trouble)

i'm sure it'll be fine. :D

i am delighted you're enjoying the story <333 i haven't updated it in soooo long but i got some very sweet comments lately so i have been looking at my scribbles again <3

[psychhound]

i just happened to have read a chapter recently called 'the positive negative experience in extreme role-playing' by markus montola that really hits a lot of these points from the academic side of things

montola talks about the "positive negative experience" in which rpers experience extremely challenging and distressing emotions during the session of roleplay, but later look back at the experience as positive and worthwhile. in fact, the majority of the people who intentionally engage in extreme roleplaying dont regret the choice afterward

extreme roleplaying mainly occurs in games that intentionally create player bleed. for those unfamiliar, bleed is the process of the character's thoughts and feelings influencing the player and vice versa. bleed in is when the player and the real world affect how the character is played and their actions. bleed out is when circumstances in game come into the real world to affect the player

some people and some games intentionally try to invoke bleed for a more intense experience, called "playing for bleed". often, the positive negative experience is an example of extreme bleed that creates exploration, reflection, bonding, and catharsis

being informed of content, themes, and triggers is often an important part of the consent process in extreme roleplaying, though at least in this study it didn't seem like safety tools were often used once the session starts. players want to be able to feel the horrible feelings and then "endure through the game to not be denied the feelings of completion and triumph of surviving through it” (p. 163)

another important part of extreme roleplaying is debriefing afterwards, ideally right after the session and then again in the days afterward. several interviewees in the study said that was really vital for them

a friend said he wanted to play bluebeards bride and then i read this chapter and then this post crossed my dash within like a day of each other :) kismet

(cws for the chapter: sexism, murder, cannibalism, and sexual assault within the games discussion)

further reading:

why people play tabletop role-playing games: a grounded theory of becoming as motivation

roll for insight: understanding how the experience of playing dungeons & dragons impacts the mental health of the average player

psychology and role-playing games

a game where we hurt each other

Last month, I played perhaps the most intense TTRPG session of my life as part of the Dream Library’s discussion of Bluebeard’s Bride, a game of “feminist horror” (more on this later) published by Magpie in a gorgeous print edition. Over the course of the month of October my guest lecturer/collaborator @marvelousmsmolly I collectively hosted three sessions of what was by far the most challenging game the Dream Library has ever discussed. 

We came to Bluebeard as the second part of our fall semester covering games of intimacy and monstrosity — a unit which began in September with Avery Alder’s Monsterhearts 2 and is continuing this month with Vampire: The Masquerade (If you want to get in on the VTM discussion and future semesters, please, come join). Both Molly and I suspected that Bluebeard was going to be both a quieter month and a riskier text — but opted to play through it anyway, albeit with some tools in place to make sure everyone knew what they were getting into with a book that doesn’t pull many punches. And with all that, the first two sessions went... fine? We had some lumpy pacing, some conflicting styles of play, some questions about how a game that really seems to encourage player bleed can possibly be played online, but for the most part things were fine. Not great, not bad — not worth the anxiety we’d had about them.

And “fine,” of course, doesn’t make for interesting conversations, so Molly and I took a step back. We talked about what was going wrong: a sense that neither of us quite felt comfortable hitting hard enough, even though we asked players ahead of time and at the start of sessions to tell us what was off the table. A frustration that player choice had trended towards the Bride as a detective/hero and not someone embodied in a world of horror. A confusion — once again — over what it means to “shiver with terror” in a discord call with some friends online. Out of that conversation came a new idea: rather than two more one-shots, Molly took some time to charge up a spirit bomb and put together some more formal prep, then recruited a group she felt could get together for a more curated experience. She wrote up her own excellent thoughts on what went down — along with a lot of session details — but you’ll have to join the Dream Library for that. 

The result of all that curation and preparation was that on October 23rd a group of four trans women — Molly, @jdragsky, our friend Mars, and I — sat down to play Bluebeard’s Bride knowing exactly what we were in for. We would be playing a transfem Bride, Bluebeard would be cis, and we would be hitting transfem-specific horror as hard as we possibly could. 

I’m going to quote from Molly’s reflection, where she wrote:

“Another really great aspect of running this game for this table is there was such a clear feeling that we all understood, wordlessly, what was going on... There are some moments in Allison Rumfitt’s gothic horror novel ‘Tell Me I’m Worthless’ where it felt like the author, a trans woman, was dropping phrases knowing exactly how her transfem audience would react... This had a twofold effect of both giving the players a chilling moment but also, a very brief but appropriate separation between fiction and player where could all grimace and be together in that discomfort before pushing on. People knew what I was doing. The problem with the original game is it doesn’t really want to discuss the politics of what “feminine horror” means. Because of this you’re really lacking some focus. I think a table of cis women could actually play bluebeard’s bride in the way we did last night and have it hit hard for them if they approached it correctly, I don’t think our experience was uniquely elevated by our trans reading, however that was one of several tools we used for that elevation.”

Setting aside the strengths and weaknesses of the original text, that sense of shared experience was key to our game and key to allowing us to hit — and get hit — really hard and trust that our coplayers were there with us. Compared to our earlier efforts (prioritizing safety by taking things off the table via lines/veils) tightening the topical scope from an ambiguous “feminist horror” to a specific transfeminist horror in the context of a chaser bf, in the context of an economic disparity, in the context of the medical pressures of transition in the contemporary U.K. allowed Molly, our lovely host, to hurt us knowing that we were all in it together and choosing to play this game. It transformed the horror from an obstacle in an adventure game into a thing we were seeking out: a pleasure/pain we asked to feel. 

In a games discourse that is — understandably — interested in protections which might be implemented anywhere, including at cons and home tables with much less of an art-and-politics interest, safety tools are often thought about as a negative thing, a preemptive cutting away of all the things which might end up hurting us. I think that’s part of why people can have a hard time filling out a lines/veils list in advance of a session. What are all the things in the world I’m sensitive to? What are all the contexts in which I’m sensitive to them? Good sensitive or bad sensitive? Sensitive enough to cause a scene? Sensitive enough to make it off the table? 

In place of that — and in a table with a really remarkable amount of trust — this final Bluebeard session leaned in, hard, to the things that hurt us. That was the game. Molly wrote a lot about kink in her reflection, and I think she was right to do that. The point of the game was to hurt each other and to feel, and it was a better game for keeping that in mind. It was an actual horror game, and not just a game with horror aesthetics. I agree with Molly that there was nothing essential about having an all-transfem table — I think what we did could be done by anyone, even with the base Bluebeard’s Bride. What was essential was having a table where we all trusted each other enough to play a hurting game and to know that we were there on purpose. It elevated Bluebeard’s Bride into a really fascinating, messy experience — one I can’t wait to play again.

[hauntingblue]

making a collection

making another collection with a threatening aura

[faithfromanewperspective]

what’s there not to understand about hypomania? you know when you get overtired, and like a toddler, you get all hyperactive and also want to cry or do Every Fun Thing you can think of and it actually becomes harder to sleep? like as a result of too much overwhelm or being so emotionally exhausted that’s how your body makes you able to cope, the aftereffects of too much adrenaline? just imagine being stuck like that. and every day it triggers itself more, overload of emotional whiplash and energy and you’ve lost all ability to think rationally and you can do anything at this point, because why not? you’ve got nothing left in you to hold back on any idea that could be exciting and stop you from falling into the void where the wiredness you feel has nothing to latch onto to burn off that nervous energy in a positive way, emotionally. for days or weeks or months on end. you don’t need to have ever experienced this fully to extrapolate and be like. yeah. I can see how it would suck eventually to get stuck like that

[the-acid-pear]

You know what my biggest fear is? For people to hate me because they misunderstand me.

I miss having weird irrational fears such as when I was convinced there was a man with corpse paint waiting to kill me hiding behind my upstairs bathroom shower curtain. It was extremely upsetting because I 100% believed it despite it being physically impossible in every way shape or form (there wasn't even room to stand in) but ay least it wasn't rooted in reality and experiences........

[cj-the-random-artist]

I implied a while ago that I was gonna add some lore to this post at some point and its been a bit and I have time to add some QPR Narilamb au lore now so have some scribbles that I've been thinking about:

-Lambert's given name is Jaya (or Jay for those who want to shorten it), they have no real problem with being called their given name but they also don't really hand it out without being asked?? None of their cultists know it, but Narinder does, and so do the Goat and Ratau (and maybe Forneus too, cuz I think they're buddies)

-Lambert is. Terribly anxious. And horrified of the idea that they could ever be anything less than perfect all the time so they have a horrible time with boundaries and are also a major people-pleaser. This is something that they eventually like. Work through and they do eventually get better about all that stuff but it is a struggle for a while. They're also not terribly approachable...

-Lambert's also a complete insomniac who cannot fall asleep without an ungodly amount of like. Herbal tea. But the herbal tea that works best is a blend that they are also very allergic to (thanks to their godhood and stuff they don't experience any major allergic reactions but they get itchy enough to just. Give up on sleep forever)

-Narinder gets lots of wrist and back pain and all that stuff. I think at one point he had incredibly steady hands and overtime they've become less so, but never shaky.

-Narinder also gets to be transmasc because I love transmasc Narinder headcanons so very much

-Narinder also has horrible nightmares and also he occasionally gets night terrors. After the night terrors stopped the nightmares did not, in fact, stop, so he is also terrible about sleeping

-Almost the entire cult is. Legitimately terrified of Narinder for no reason. Save for like the other Bishops and a handful of Lambert's closest disciples

-Narinder is still closest to Shamura out of all of his siblings, they like to sit together and do activities simultaneously in the same room. He also spends time with his other siblings, and they tend to do family dinners about once a week. Only one of them has ended in a fistfight, and that was the first one.

I do have other like... lore ideas for this QPR Narilamb AU, but for now here's some random stuff I've been rolling around in my brain since I do believe I promised some lore with these sketches a while ago. Have a good one y'all

Have an array of mediocre pen sketches from the past several weeks, including some queerplatonic narilamb AU characterization thoughts for Lambert Narinder and the Goat, and a doodle of Narinder having a self care day inspired by the healing prompt from stychu’s amazing prompt list (that I would’ve done were it not for the fact that I’m awful at prompt list challenges)

I have more thoughts about these but I also have an Outside Activity to do very imminently so. Later

Enjoy these shenanigans and have a good one (and apologies for my awful handwriting lol)

[xythlia]

my bf being a therapist is actually really enlightening because I've learned a whole lot about how to spot a bad therapist

[thebananwithaplan]

((Love it whenever I make "canon divergent" headcanons (compared to the rest of fanon/anything implied so far) for a muse of mine, only for the devs to confirm a number of them being closer to canon.

Didn't even have to ask, either.))