#that's how life and establishing your own values works. either choice is fine

[transwolvie]

"No one in an irl lgbt space cares what you call yourself"

Let's not be cutesy, that's not true. No one is necessarily going to tell you to your face that they think that (and honestly even then? No promises), they'll just talk about it when you're not around. This discourse exists irl too, it's just that in real life it's considered gossip.

[qqueenofhades]

did you watch lucifer season six and what are your thoughts pls and ty

Ahaha. Yes. Yes I did watch it. Then I cried for a literal hour and attempted to compose myself, only to start crying again when I lay down and kept on thinking about it. Then I had more feelings. Then I slept like the dead due to emotional trauma. Then I reblogged gifsets and had More feelings. Then @buffaluff and @flynnanimal watched it and also required emotional support due to drowning in their own tears. So, uh... we're all fine here now. How are you?

My main takeaway from the final season was the sheer amount of love for the characters, story, and fans that you could feel shining through all the episodes, and which made SUCH a refreshing change. I had feelings in my tags the other day about how a show about the devil was constantly goofy, hopeful, loving, and uplifting, rather than all the grimdark nonsense they could have easily done with it. (As I said, just imagine it as written by the GOT idiots?? NO THANK YOU.) The writing really loved everyone and wanted to give them a proper ending and emotional journey, and it wanted to show the fans that they weren't stupid for having invested six seasons of effort and emotion into this, and just... that is so much rarer than it should be? Compare all the movies and TV shows that treat their fans like the enemy, that want to outsmart them at all costs even if it means changing major plot elements, that ferociously guard spoilers and think that "shock value" means good writing, by throwing hackneyed cliche upon cliche and making everything Depressing, and just... Lucifer had its hiccups and slow points and missteps, of course, but I am SO glad they didn't do that. The entire show consisted of Lucifer slowly but steadily progressing toward being a better man, despite mistakes and setbacks and sometimes a little too much will-they-won't-they. (Season 3 was the only one where I got bored and skipped over the filler episodes with Pierce/Lucifer/Chloe in order to get to the end).

That is an essentially simple premise, but they stuck to it, and they didn't try to create more drama by randomly wrecking what they had already established. I wrote a fic all the way back in mid-season 2 (In Nomine Patris) that ended up predicting quite a few of the future characters who had not yet appeared on the show at that time, including Eve, Michael, and Azrael, and several plot points, including the very major one of Lucifer returning to hell for the sake of his daughter with Chloe. And while this might mean that I am just that good at guessing TV shows (I would like to think this....) it also means that the writers set expectations, followed through on those expectations, and didn't suddenly derail everything or turn it totally on its head just for the sake of cheap shocks. As we can all attest, they certainly caused PLENTY of drama, anguish, pain, and suffering, but they did it in a way that remained faithful to the overall premises of the story and the characters, and wanted to see them become the best versions of themselves. I cried my eyes out at the end and then thought, "hey, I might want to watch the whole series again," which, if you ask me, is the mark of doing your job right. There have been so few TV endings recently where I didn't immediately swear off the whole thing or have to pretend that canon didn't exist, so yeah.

As I said, it was just refreshing to watch something that had that essential deep generosity at its core, where the message is that everyone is worthy of love if they make the hard and painful effort to change and become better, and that even if earthly things feel small next to all this messy celestial drama, they still matter, and that you are loved no matter what. I loved that Amenadiel became God and Lucifer returned to hell as a choice in order to help all the trapped souls be able to work through their guilt and go to heaven. There were obviously certain echoes of The Good Place in that ending; I don't know if it was something they had planned all along or if the success of TGP, another series asking deep questions about life, death, morality, and human nature within the framework of a goofy heaven-and-hell sitcom, influenced it, but either way, it worked so well. Even if it tore my heart out and stomped on it on the ground, it was fitting and oh so lovely to see Lucifer, once the most selfish being in the entire universe, following in Linda's footsteps and becoming selflessly dedicated to helping other people. Just. Chef's kiss.

And of course, Deckerstar. The Hades and Persephone vibes were IMMACULATE this season, and while it did take Lucifer and Chloe the best part of four seasons to get together, they never significantly backslid, never had third-party issues or cheap cheating storylines once they were officially a couple, and Tom Ellis and Lauren German REALLY killed it this season in particular. It was never easy for them and sometimes the drama went on a little too long over the course of said six seasons, but the love story was beautiful and incredibly meaningful and always true to the fact that the actors and characters and writers (not to mention the fans) all loved it so much. They were so much the emotional heart of this, and when they went to hell together in episode 6x03 (where they turned into cartoons because wHAT even IS this show), Joe Henderson said in an interview that this was to give the fans a view into Lucifer and Chloe's future (after) lives post-6x10, and to offer them a basis to write fanfiction. I mean... the showrunner saying to the fans "here, we love you, have something to write fic about!" is likewise pretty shockingly rare. It's again an example of how this show always audaciously poked fun at itself, never took itself TOO seriously, and was always welcoming its fans and the people who loved it to do so, rather than making them feel stupid or taking joy in wrecking beloved characters or plots.

Obviously, I loved Rory, the badass lesbian half-angel goth Deckerstar child straight out of My Immortal (seriously, she was SO edgy, it was amazing), because of the fact that Lucifer's entire arc was always about feeling abandoned by his father and that he was going to have to face it for himself. Dorky Devil Dad Lucifer trying his absolute HARDEST to bond with his daughter was simultaneously hilarious, adorable, and heart-wrenching, and yet again, the Growth. We all remember when he could barely tolerate Trixie touching him, and now we're here. Also, any variation whatsoever of "this is just a brief moment of time that we must be apart, love is eternal and stronger than death and we will never really leave each other" as a line is guaranteed to make me bawl my eyes out. So that was fun.

I got a big kick out of Ghost Dan running around and trying to get everyone to see him, and had feelings about seeing him in heaven with Charlotte and his beloved Pudding Pops at the end. I had feelings about how they handled Ella finding out the truth (or rather demanding to know why nobody had told her) and of course, I obviously loved Maze and Eve and their goth/femme wedding and the fact that they got a good three-season romantic arc (indeed, I wanted more of them). My god, Trixie is SO BIG, she used to be a tiny little nugget. I love that Linda was the moral and emotional rock all along, from the first episode to the very last, and that Amenadiel was Deeply Vindicated when Charlie's wings appeared at his first birthday party. I love how Lucifer in s6 is absolute thousands of light years from Lucifer in s1. And as ever, Chloe was Perfect. I am happy that I spent six seasons with these characters and saw them become better, and that I was never made to feel like an idiot for trusting the writers to end everything in a beautiful and emotional way. Because, well. They did. Sure, maybe I could go back and pick at a plotline here or a detail there, but I don't terribly feel the need to do so? It might not have been perfect, but it was perfect, and I am so grateful that it existed.

[xo-alie-xo]

PORTWELL LONG GAME OR RINA SLOWBURN.

You can only choose one poison.🍷

Listen up my Wildcats.🐱

We all ship each character with happiness. No matter how much you love to hate them, a majority of us simply adores the characters and want the best for them. Then comes relationships and it's okay to ship our favorites.⛴

I'm a diehard Rina shipper and I know in my heart that they are series endgame. The set up, the natural chemistry, their mutual understanding, the surprises and angst literally put me on chokehold. So I'm 100% a Rina shipper till the end. I'm here for the slowburn and their development rather than one shots. They are worth the pain. 😭❤

Let me start with Ricky Bowen now.

Ricky shouldn't to be with Gina because he's hurting her mentality. He's not insensitive on purpose. Like when he tried to stop Big Red from telling her his message to Nina because he KNOWS it'll hurt her.

If you think, that Ricky didn't understand clearly when Gina confessed, think again. He shushed her. Kept their thing a secret from everyone. He knows he feels some type of way and she feels something too. But this boy is so used to safeguarding his childhood norms and has very little adaptability. Hence, he pretended to ignore everything between them because his home stability was falling apart and he clinged on to Nina, his constant childhood love.

He's a traumatised 16-17 year old boy that needs to heal and grow. This episode was heartbreaking because he had to accept that he had to let Nina go because their once upon a time fairytale had become toxic.

People change. I'm not the same person I was when I was 16 lmao. Being together as childhood lovers means growing together and accepting each other's growth. Which Ricky couldn't. He clutched to the idea of Nini. Even his love confession. It was sooo sweet but all he did was focus on their history.

This boy needs time to heal and maybe seek professional therapy. It would be so DAMN HISTORIC if Disney decides to take psychological issues seriously and show how he's dealing with his anxiety, pills and psychotherapy. He needs to breathe before he can be with any girl for that matter. He's hurting and isn't trying to hurt anyone on purpose. Including Gina.

Him asking her for advice on Nini was a dumb, insensitive move. But he's trying to find a way to build some supportive friendship that they shared in early season one.

As for now, this boy needs to get his own grip on life and heal.

As for our Queen Gina

In Gina's confession, she focuses on their future. She basically said, "I wouldn't quit on a possible future of us being together despite obstacles. Because I never quit. But moving away isn't in my control." Ricky deep down knows this, encouraged her to say it, teary eyed, despite right after getting back together with Nini. Gina is his future. She went to his new house. And I also have this feeling that when she was given a chance to stay, she stayed partly because of Ricky. She left a chance to be with her mom because she prioritised their relationship. Because she never quits. 💪🏼

But she came back and found out Ricky has gotten back together with Nini.😭 What she doesn't know is Ricky got together with Nina before her confession, and after Gina kept dodging his messages. She's hurt and questions why she returned because she isn't particularly close to anyone. Hence, she was so silent at the after party. She thinks it'll be fine, "she'll live", and finds other reasons to find permanence. Her arc this season has been settling down in East High, despite the pain of losing and being 'betrayed' by Ricky, she finds other reasons to stay. 🏡

This kind of contrasts her with Nina. Nina left her dream school and came to Salt Lake because she missed her established home, and not just because of Ricky. Nina returned and was loved and embraced by Ricky Bowen.💕 Gina came back to a semi new place called Salt Lake because of her promise of a future to Ricky. But she got stabbed and she bled. 💔🗡

Think about her situation. She feels confused, alone, heartbroken, out of place and seperated from her mom. She's broken and hurting too. And she doesn't need more from Ricky's accidental or intentional 'sick burns'. That's the one line where he was such a jerk and I can't defend him here. 😠

Here comes the Caswells.

Her second family. A place of healthy stability. A home that accepted her. Ashlyn, her roomie and her confidante. EJ, the misunderstood boy who saw her value and bought her plane ticket.

Let's get to EJ.

At first, I wasn't too keen on seeing Portwell's development. But then that video chat where they talk about the possibility of her staying and him convincing her. Had me sold for a solid brother-sister relationship. Few episodes later, when Gina's pain seemed to be oblivious to everyone, he was the only one who asked her how she was, and saw her glow. The comfort she must've felt.

Not that she needs a man's validation, but she must be feeling like a second choice and feeling a little insecure because of Ricky. But EJ lifts her up and I genuinely saw her smile. This boy has her back whenever. The man she can lean on and truly sees how special she is. She no longer feels alone now that she has his entire fam and other friends. She genuinely feels a place of belonging and happiness when she's the apple of his eye. Notice how happy she is? How happy this boy is? She's going through her own issues and she has found ground with EJ.

I was very doubtful when they started hinting at a romantic direction. Because EJ would be used as plot device again for a girl to get to Ricky.😤 This man doesn't deserve to be second best to anyone, just like Gina.😑 That's why I'm still hesitant on shipping them at least temporarily. EJ needs to be something even more special to Gina. They need to show each other how special and treasured they are to each other despite feeling like rejects. They are each other's source of comfort.

I'm sure they can keep EJ at East High for the next season. Whether it's the drama club, or the AV club or going to a local college. So he will be there for Gina. I don't know how they can work out a relationship with much distance as Rini's fell out when she moved away. So, if EJ leaves again, it'll again shake up Gina. Her being worried whether he'll date college girls, second thoughts, etc. I don't want them to go through that. And if they do move on to romantic Portwell, make sure it's not plot device for Rina. So you can either have Portwell endgame or Rina Endgame.

Basically I want Gina to be treated so right that she understands she doesn't need Ricky. And when he does ask her out, and he makes her feel like a second choice or a rebound, she says NO. Because EJ has helped regain her self assurance. Eventually I want Gina to confide in EJ about her and Ricky. EJ is jealous but also angry about how Ricky has been hurting her. And becomes damn protective of his 'babe'. Ricky gets jealous of their relationship, restarting Ricky and EJ's old rivalry. But this time, it's not because Gina is his girlfriend, but because she's EJ's best friend who he has a crush on and wants what's best for her.

If it's meant to be Rina endgame

EJ- RICKY, YOU IDIOT! You have no clue how to treat her right. You don't put her first. You mislead her. Get the hell away from her! She's too powerful and beautiful, she doesn't deserve your scraps. I know how she feels for you. I wish I were you. I would treat her like a queen. I don't mind even waiting years till she's ready. She deserves that. You're so lucky you have even a small chance that I may never have. So get your act together, prove you're worth it to win her over. All I want is for her to be happy. Even if it's with someone else. And maybe then I'll stop threatening you to stay away from her.😠

Ricky- .....I don't know what I'm more scared of. Change, or losing the girl I fell for or YOU. Okay, losing her but you're a close second.😬

If it's Portwell endgame.

Ricky- I messed up. Make sure you don't mess up with her. You'll regret it forever.

EJ- I'd rather get hit by thousand basketballs than ever hurt her. I'll be her plus one and her best friend until she's ready to be with me. I know she's ready now too. But I want her to know I'm willing to wait till she graduates before we make it official. I'm in it for the long game.

As for their age gap. I'm 100% sure Portwell won't kiss this season. If they do, it'll be next when Sofia turns 18. They are professional actors who are cast because they are the perfect fit for the role and are expected to carry out the storyline. But I suppose fearing some outbursts, they might delay Sofia kissing anyone till next season. It's so weird because Olivia was maybe 17 when Matt was 21-22 when they kissed in season one. But no one had a problem with that. But for this, they do. Remember, they are professional actors. They are acting! Sometimes, actors are over 10 years apart (but above 18) and act as romantic partners.

As for their characters, they are only two years apart. That's hardly any difference once you're over the age of 18. Age of consent is 16. But adults above 18 are only allowed to have sex with adults above 18. So, age isn't a problem here because EJ is a gentleman and is genuinely interested in her and isn't trying to get in her pants. So age isn't the issue when it comes to dating. It's the maturity. Gina is very mature and gives very sound advice. But I can see EJ being patient enough till she turns 18 just to kiss her because he loves her. 😚

As for the Ashlyn remark, "You look like a kid to me rn". He was JOKING.😂 Don't take things out of context. I tell my cousin sister that all the time. But she's three years younger than me and a grown adult. I don't see her as a kid but it's just a cousin teasing her younger cousin that's she's a little immature. I'm Matt's age and I'm very mature for my age and since I was a teenager, I always matched up with boys a little older than me. Now that I'm in my early 20s, I've dated boys even close to 30. So age is just a number.

EJ dating Gina and giving her quick kisses is fine. But to have a strong sexual element in their relationship (including making out), he'll have to wait till she's 18+. And I'm sure for that he'll wait till she's ready even past her early 20s. Age is really just a number and we can't help who we fall in love with. Trust me, I've been there.😂 So I can see EJ feeling conflicted about his feelings that are clear at this point.

They might not be a perfect fit, but they make each other sooo happy. They deserve a lot more than a short lived fling.😟 They are either endgame or Rina is. You can't have both as a Rina unless you're an EJ hater who wants him to exist as plot device. Nope! He's sooo much more precious than that.

But Jack on the other hand....I'm okay if he's the one to make Ricky or EJ jealous. Because he's just been introduced and it's okay if a character is used, but only once, for someone else to realize their feelings. 💁🏽‍♀️

In short.

Ricky needs help and needs to be on his own. No girlfriends allowed.🙅🏽‍♀️🚫

Needs to give both Gina and Nina space for them to grow on their own too.🌳

Ricky needs to understand the core of his problems and become more adaptable via therapy. Maybe the psychologist will point out his unresolved feelings for Gina, or he will conclude it himself. And in comes Ricky-pining-for-Gina season three.

Ricky needs to fully get over Nina before he moves on to anyone. Same for Gina if Portwell were to happen. No one deserves to be second choice.

Gina isn't Ricky's cushion. She's a living person with strong feelings for him and shouldn't be subjected to share his pain. She already struggles with her own issues.

Ricky needs to stay single till he wins back Gina and prove he's worth it. He needs to show even if another girl wants him, he'll never quit on Gina ever again. Even if he has to watch her be with someone else. *cough parallels*.

It's either romantic Rina then Portwell endgame OR Portwell flirty besties but Rina endgame. You and I can choose only one because my boy EJ shouldn't be used as plot device for a girl to leave for Ricky ever again.

Portwell's age difference can be practically solved and isn't much of an issue unless they get hot and heavy before Gina turns 18 which is impossible considering this is Disney. 🤣🤣

Jack and Gina will be plot device material and purely so sentimental to us OG Andi Mack fans. More than any ship, this is what I'm looking for. Sort of an Andi Mack crack ship for season 3a. It's gonna be soooo funny. 😍😂

I respect everyone's ship. I see what you're seeing. And I'm not going to invalidate your ship. But unless it's done right, I won't jump from the Rina ship. I liked Rini. I like Portwell. I like AU Juffy crackship haha.😂 But as for me, I'm still holding on to Rina slowburn.

Preparing myself for the pain. 😭🔥

(But if I had to pair two characters without Disney getting in the way, it would be Gini. The power duo. Undeniable chemistry. They can be written so well because of their layered relationship and contrasting personalities.🤩 The classic rivals to friends to lovers. But that's a talk for another day lmao.)

Thanks for reading my opinion, Wildcat!🐱❤

[antiloreolympus]

10 Anti LO Asks

1. Putting something out there, Minthe vs Apollo and why Minthe is a more interesting antangoist. We can all agree that Minthe’s worst trait is being abusive and Apollo’s for r**e. 

If we take out Minthe’s abuse, she’s still a character by herself. She has her own backstory and her own motives. Minthe was her own force in the plot, she was a pre established relationship, with its own problems because both characters weren’t a match. She has her own friend group, her own life outside of hades and work.

Take out Apollo’s horrible action, his character falls a bit 1 dimensional. He’s a creep in sheep’s clothing right now, he’s obessed with Persphone, and her act of wrath didnt have anything to do with him yet he’s all over it. He’s Artemis’ brother but we haven’t really see them be siblings in awhile other than Apollo saying he wants a better life for his family, but we don’t know fully how they’re struggling (since Leto has a nice place and Artemis seems just fine.) Apollo just seems like he’s there to show off other characters (make Apollo look better, to cause conflict between Persphone and Artemis) but nothing of his own. Like even his motive to become king seems like it’s more for Leto than himself. He has Artemis and Hermès, but we really only see him talk about persphone.

I feel like RS write both these two characters with the extreme badness because she was insecure making these bad guys just bad, but personally Minthe would have been good bad guy without the abuse since Minthe already had a bad set up (self destructive, afraid of commitment, toxic friends) but Apollo just doesn’t seem much of a character, just something to make Persphone’s plot lines have conflict. 

2. theres a part of me that feels bad for rachel, bc shes the first one to get the book deals, adaptions, etc on the western side, which means she has no one to learn from or what mistakes to avoid. thats why crumbs and other webtoons are taking more time into adapting them for print, its why theyre taking time (like lets play) to wrap up the story before getting tv producers involved, its why theyre making better merch deals, etc, they can see what rachel messes up on and avoid it, while she can't

3. I'm not going to hold it against RS if she has typos in her scripts or w/e, but I will question why at least four, if not more, people look at each episode and don't fix the spelling errors for her? Like they all have the files and scripts (I assume) so they should be able to fix them. Really I'm more concerned too the typos went into print too?? So even the publishers and designers didn't fix it either? Like this will likely be her only major project, why isn't more effort and care put into it?

4. its a fandom joke about how "funny" it is eros seems to actually be in love with psyche's disguise over psyche herself and im like?? how would psyche be ok with that? i get the idea is oh he loves her bc its actually psyche underneath it but he doesnt know? so from an outside POV (and his too) it just looks like he actually doesnt love her and moved on fast to really wanting this other woman instead. idk its so messy and just makes eros/psyche less viable, idk why the fans think its funny/cute??

5. i love how some of the book reviews are claiming the anachronism in LO is a deliberate choice of RS commenting on ancient values in modern times as opposed to the reality she just picked it for the aesthetics. pre-revolution france, modern day nyc, and sicily (??) gets more rep in LO than actual greece. the trial especially could have used anachronism with how many courthouses purposely look like the parthenon, yet it doesn't. it just seems like trying to make it deeper than it is IMHO.

6. ive seen so many LO stans shut down critics as "youre just poor" as if that means anything? i dont care if hades is rich, the issue is that LO has a massive class divide that hades and co created for their benefit (which was never in myth) with them abusing their citizens and power all they want w/ the poor seen as evil for pushing back , and in hades' case, literally owning slaves, which is framed as a good thing. sorry, why cant there be critique on this love letter to greed and capitalism?

7. ok so just like, try and ignore the slavery and how creepy is he and all that, but is lo hades even like ... nice? like im not joking, what about himm is genuinely attractive beyond rachel just saying so? what does persephone like about him beyond her initial lust? because yes lust aides in most relationships, but that cant be all of it.  we know what hades sees in her (her body, her always doing what he wants, her never standing up to him, etc) but what does she see in /him/?

8. the fact the only thing LO has actually done from the persephone myth is just the kidnapping (which was all of two episodes in the first published three) while we're going into its FOURTH year and nothing else of the myth has even been touched on is ridiculous. why make a story based off this specific myth if you dont use it beyond the first three episodes? i get shes going for "deconstruction", but that doesn't mean break the whole mythology apart, throw it away, and make up whatever you want.

9. Since Rachel has bad same character syndrome;  i think Thanatos and Thetis (the gray girl with teal) look like siblings instead of 2 unrelated characters 🤔 

10. the thing with LO's obsession with Sicily is it's technically not /incorrect/, because HxP did have a lot of worship there. The problem is Sicily didn't even exist as a Greek colony until centuries /after/ HxP were already well established in Greece, which according to actual sources seems to point to their origins being on Crete, where others like Demeter, Dionysus, and Zeus get their origins from. IDK why she's so close to being accurate yet isn't. Maybe she likes the aesthetics of Italy more?

[killianmesmalls]

On your comments about Jack: ye-es, in the sense that Jack is a character who definitely deserved better than he was treated by the characters. The way Dean especially treats him reflects very badly on Dean, no question. But, speaking as a viewer, I think the perspective needs to shift a little bit.

To me, Jack is Dawn from Buffy, or Scrappy Doo. He’s an (in my opinion) irritating kid who is introduced out of nowhere to be both super vulnerable and super OP, and the jeopardy is centered around him in a way that has nothing to do with his actual character or relationships. He’s mostly around to be cute and to solve or create problems — he never has any firm character arcs or goals of his own, nor any deeper purpose in the meta narrative. In this way, he’s a miss for SPN, which focuses heavily on conflicts as metaphors for real life.

Mary fits so much better in that framework, and introducing her as a developed, flawed person works really well with the narrative. It is easy for us to care about Mary, both as the dead perfect mother on the pedestal and as the flawed, human woman who could not live up to her sons’ expectations. That connection is built into the core of SPN, and was developed over years, even before she was a character. When she was added, she was given depth and nuance organically, and treated as a flawed, complex character rather than as a plot device or a contrivance. She was given a voice and independence, and became a powerful metaphor for developing new understandings of our parents in adulthood, as well as an interesting and well-rounded character. You care that she’s dead, not just because Sam and Dean are sad, but for the loss of her development and the potential she offered. So, in that sense, I think a lot of people were frustrated that she died essentially fridged for a second time, and especially in service of the arc of a weaker character.

And like, you’re right, no one can figure out if Jack is a toddler or a teenager. He’s both and he’s neither, because he’s never anything consistently and his character arc is always “whatever the plot needs it to be.” Every episode is different. Is he Dean’s sunny opportunity to be a parent and make up for his dad’s shitty parenting? Yes! Is he also Dean’s worst failure and a reminder that he has done many horrible things, including to “innocent” children? Yes! Is he Cas’s child? Yes! Is he Dean’s child? Yes! But also, no! Is he Sam’s child? Yes! Is he a lonely teenager who does terrible things? Yes! Is he a totally innocent little lamb who doesn’t get why what he is doing is wrong? Yes! Is he the most powerful being in the universe? Yes! Does he need everyone to take care of him? Yes! Is he just along for the ride? Yes! Is he responsible for his actions? Kinda??? Sometimes??? What is he???

Mary as a character is narratively cohesive and fleshed-out. Jack is a mishmash of confusing whatever’s that all add up to a frustrating plot device with no consistent traits to latch on to. Everything that fans like about him (cute outfits, gender play, well-developed parental bonds with the characters) is fanon. So, yes, the narrative prioritizes Mary. Many fans prioritize Mary, at least enough that Dean’s most heinous acts barely register. To the narrative (not to Cas, which is a totally different situation), Jack is only barely more of a character than Emma Winchester, who Sam killed without uproar seasons earlier. He’s been around longer, but he’s equally not really real.

I debated on responding to this because, to tell the truth, I think we fundamentally disagree on a number of subjects and, as they say, true insanity is arguing with anyone on the internet. However, you spent a lot of time on the above and I feel it's only fair to say my thoughts, even if I don't believe it will sway you any more than what you said changed my opinions.

I'm assuming this was in response to this post regarding how Jack's accidental killing of Mary was treated so severely by the brothers, particularly Dean, because it was Mary and, had it been a random character like the security guard in 13x06, it would have been treated far differently. However, then the argument becomes less about the reaction of the Winchester brothers to this incident and more the value of Jack or Mary to the audience.

I believe we need to first admit that both characters are inherently archetypes—Mary as the Madonna character initially then, later, as a metaphor for how imperfect and truly human our parents are compared to the idol we have as children, and Jack as the overpowered child who is a Jesus allegory by the end. Both have a function within the story to serve the Winchester brothers, through whose lens and with whose biases we are meant to view the show's events. We also need to admit that the writers didn't think more than a season ahead for either character, especially since it wasn't initially supposed to be Mary that came back at the end of season 11 but John, and they only wrote enough for Jack in season 13 to gauge whether or not the audience would want him to continue on or if he needed to be killed off by the end of the season. Now, I know we curate our own experiences online which leads to us being in our own fandom echo chambers, however it is important to note that the character was immediately successful enough with the general audience that, after his first episode or two, he was basically guaranteed a longer future on the show.

I have to admit, I’m not entirely sure why the perspective of how his character is processed by some audience members versus others has any bearing on the argument that he deserved to be treated better overall by the other characters especially when taking their own previous actions in mind. I’m not going to tell you that your opinion is wrong regarding your feelings for Jack. It’s your opinion and you’re entitled to it, it harms no one to have it and express it. My feelings on Jack are clearly very different from your own, but this is really just two different people who processed a fictional person in different ways. I personally believe he has a purpose in the Winchesters’ story, including Castiel’s, as he reflects certain aspects of all of them, gives them a way to explore their own histories through a different perspective, and changes the overall dynamic of Team Free Will from “soldiers in arms” to a family (Misha’s words). In the beginning he allows Sam to work through his past as the “freak” and powerful, dangerous boy wonder destined to bring hell on earth. With Dean, his presence lets Dean work through his issues with John and asks whether he will let history repeat itself or if he’ll work to break the cycle. Regarding Cas, in my opinion he helps the angel reach his “final form” of a father, member of a family, lover and protector of humanity, rebellious son, and the true show of free will. 

From strictly the story, he has several arcs that work within themes explored in Supernatural, such as the argument of nature versus nurture, the question of what we’re willing to give up in order to protect something or someone else and how ends justify the means, and the struggle between feeling helpless and powerless versus the corruptive nature of having too much power and the dangerous lack of a moral compass. His goals are mentioned and on display throughout his stint on the show, ones that are truly relatable to some viewers: the strong desire to belong—the need for family and what you’ll do to find and keep it. 

With Mary, we first need to establish whether the two versions of her were a writing flaw due to the constant change in who was dictating her story and her relationship to the boys, which goes against the idea that her characterization was cohesive and fleshed-out but, rather, put together when needed for convenience, or if they both exist because, as stated above, we are seeing the show primarily through the biased lens of the Winchester brothers and come to face facts about the true Mary as they do. Like I said in my previous post, I don’t dislike Mary and I don’t blame her for her death (either one). However, I do have a hard time seeing her as a more nuanced, fleshed-out character than Jack. True, a lot of her problems are more adult in nature considering she has to struggle with losing her sons’ formative years and meeting them as whole adults she knows almost nothing about, all because of a choice she made before they were born. 

However, her personal struggles being more “mature” in nature (as they center primarily on parental battles) doesn’t necessarily mean her story has layers and Jack’s does not. They are entirely different but sometimes interconnected in a way that adds to both of their arcs, like Mary taking Jack on as an adoptive son which gives her the moments of parenting she lost with Sam and Dean, and Jack having Mary as a parental figure who understands and supports him gives him that sense of belonging he had just been struggling with to the point of running away while he is also given the chance to show “even monsters can do good”. 

I’d also argue that Jack being many ages at once isn’t poor writing so much as a metaphor for how, even if you’re forced to grow up fast, that doesn’t mean you’re a fully equipped adult. I don’t want to speak for anyone else, but I believe Jack simultaneously taking a lot of responsibility and constantly trying to prove to others he’s useful while having childish moments is relatable to some who were forced to play an adult role at a young age. He proves a number of times that he doesn’t need everyone to take care of him, but he also has limited life experience and, as such, will make some mistakes while he’s also being a valuable member of the group. Jack constantly exists on a fine line in multiple respects. Some may see that as a writing flaw but it is who the character was conceived to be: the balance between nature or nurture, between good and evil, between savior and devil. 

Now, I was also frustrated Mary was “fridged” for a second time. It really provided no other purpose than to give the brothers more man pain to further the plot along. However, this can exist while also acknowledging that the way it happened and the subsequent fallout for Jack was also unnecessary and a sign of blatant hypocrisy from Dean, primarily, and Sam. 

And, yes, Jack can be different things at once because, I mean, can’t we all? If Mary can be both the perfect mother and the flawed, independent, distant parent, can’t Jack be the sweet kid who helps his father-figures process their own feelings on fatherhood while also being a lost young-adult forcing them to face their failures? Both characters contain multitudes because, I mean, we all do. 

I can provide articles or posts on Jack’s characterization and popularity along with Mary’s if needed, but for now I think this is a long enough ramble on my thoughts and feelings. I’m happy to discuss more, my messenger is always open for (polite) discussion. Until then, I’m going to leave it at we maybe agree to disagree. 

[thevoidable]

Why Spinaraki is an underrated gem of a ship

Okay, so first of all I just have to make a quick disclaimer: this is not to discredit other Shigaraki and Spinner ships, this is just to highlight why I think these two in particular are just neat. 

Also, manga spoiler warning, as per usual. Content below the cut.

Why their characters work

Spinaraki’s dynamic is something that I feel like is overlooked by a lot of bnha fans, even from a platonic sense, so I’d like to briefly go over their individual characters to reiterate why they’re such a good match for each other.

Starting off, Shigaraki is an absolutely brilliantly-written villain, with a deep and complex past and personality that make him more than your average end-game bad guy. His broken mind that has been beaten to hell and back by severe trauma is still able to recognise flaws within society and the people that live in it, and has come such a long way since his first debut in the series. But what makes him stand out from most other villains is just how human and empathetic he is deep down.

Despite all of AFO’s grooming into making him a hate-filled, destruction-craving god, Shigaraki still retains a key quality from his childhood: a desire to befriend the friendless.

The reason why the League is such a good portrayal of a found family is because of this innate want to sympathize and look after the outcasts in his life. It didn’t take much time at all for him to come to respect the other members of the League by the time the Overhaul arc came around, and during the MVA arc, it’s clear he cares deeply about their wants and needs. He’s patient and listens to them, valuing their opinions greatly.

And now it’s time to turn our attention to the underrated character of this underrated ship: Spinner.

Spinner was understandably one of the more forgettable villains during the training camp arc - all he had to his character was that he was a hardcore Stain fanboy and nothing more.

However, that all changed when the MVA arc dropped, and we saw a side to Spinner that ties in to one of the BNHA universe’s underlying problems in their superhuman society, and made him so much more three-dimensional, lovable, and relatable. A victim of heteromorphic discrimination, Spinner was outcasted in his hometown and forced into reclusion, where he wasted his life away in his room lest he step outside and risk being called a freak again. It wasn’t until he saw Stain plaguing the news that he was finally inspired to act, seeking out the League who claimed to uphold Stain’s ideology.

At his core, Spinner was simply searching for something to jump on, something that would make him get up and make significant change in his life, and looking at his backstory, it’s no wonder why Stain’s ideals struck a chord with him. He has plenty of reason to despise society like the rest of the League, but his experience with being discriminated against also makes him a sympathetic and sensitive character. He recognises that he’s extremely out of place in the world, even amongst the League, because he was the last one of them to figure out what he really wanted in the end, and it’s clear he has plenty of insecurities when it comes to questioning his purpose in life, comparing himself to others - like Toga, another fan of Stain - and how they seem to fit in so easily.

It’s because of these insecurities that Shigaraki and Spinner work well together, because Shigaraki’s patience, understanding, and confidence is what allowed Spinner to solidify his conviction and come to terms with the fact that not 100% fitting in and just coming along for the ride is perfectly okay.

How their chemistry develops

Spinner and Shigaraki’s first proper on-screen interaction was during the highway scene after the Overhaul arc. This is also the first time we see Spinner question whether the League really is about Stain’s ideology or not, and Shigaraki responds by reassuring him that they’re making a necessary sacrifice. 

Since this is the point in the series where Shigaraki begins to really place his trust and respect in the League, it really shows with how he trusts Spinner’s driving enough to sit on top of the damn truck. And speaking of Spinner’s driving, this is the first time we get a glimpse into his character beyond the fanboy, scenes that we were unfortunately robbed of in the anime.

Spinner’s love for video games immediately gives him something in common with Shigaraki, and the both of them frequently use video game lingo to describe their battle strategies and thought processes.

(Spinner’s face in the corner absolutely sends me.)

From then on, their interactions go into a radio silence until the MVA arc kicks in, and this is where their relationship really begins to take off.

After we get some exposition on heteromorphic discrimination from Spinner, we return to the League in their temporary hideout where we discover that they’re not doing too hot. They’re at a stalemate, unable to really do anything too productive, which prompts Spinner to speak up. He’s frustrated with not knowing what direction they’re going in, and understandably so, because right now, the League is his only place to go. If he left, he would be entirely on his own again, and this time with the heroes breathing down his neck.

He goes into brief detail about the kind of harsh environment he came from and why he was inspired by Stain, and in the heat of the moment, he doesn’t think twice about grabbing the front of Shigaraki’s shirt, the man who could disintegrate him with one touch. Spinner’s got mad balls, I’ll give him that.

Now, it’s known that Shigaraki isn’t too fond of Stain, but he still doesn’t get angry at all, even when Spinner is right up in his face. He remains calm, patient, and is ready to explain what he wants to happen (until he gets interrupted by Machia, of course).

Fast-forward to when they’ve all been warped inside the doctor’s lab and Shigaraki now has to present his conviction to Ujiko - Spinner’s expression is a little difficult to read here, but it seems his expectations for what Shigaraki has to say are low.

However, when Shigaraki speaks, his words deeply resonate with Spinner, and it becomes clear that Shigaraki had listened very closely to Spinner’s frustrated rant back in the hideout.

That last panel is especially interesting and drawn in a very deliberate way. Notice how, as Shigaraki is explaining his feelings, everyone except for Spinner is either confused or uninterested, and the panel is framed so that Spinner is the only one looking directly at Shigaraki. It very subtly conveys how Spinner is the sole person in the room who understands how Shigaraki feels, because despite coming from completely different backgrounds and experiencing completely different levels of trauma, Spinner and Shigaraki still hold the exact same sentiments when it comes to their innermost thoughts and desires.

So, needless to say, Spinner is now somewhat invested, and ready to pay close attention to Shigaraki’s future actions.

The next time we see them, it’s a month and a half later, and here we see Spinner relaying his concerns about Stain once again to Toga.

It seems that he’s talking more to himself than to Toga, and it reveals his insecurities about his place in the League. He’s debating on whether or not he should stay or leave, and which is the better option. He appears to be willing to wait a little longer to see things through however; he wants to see where Shigaraki’s pursuit of his dream takes him.

(That’s pretty home of sexual of you, Spinner.)

Cut to when the League are battling with the MLA - Toga gets caught up with Curious, Twice runs off to go look for her, and Compress and Dabi are separated from the group via Geten, leaving Spinner and Shigaraki to fight together. Spinner is the first to witness Shigaraki’s Quirk suddenly evolve to where the decay will spread to whatever is touching it, and he’s quite amazed by it.

They begin to get a little overwhelmed with how many soldiers they’re up against, and since Shigaraki is in a very hazy, sleep-deprived state, Spinner voices his concern for him. Shigaraki brushes his own health off to the side to bring up his uncertainty in his decision to fight the MLA, and he asks for Spinner’s opinion on the matter, showing that once again, Shigaraki listens to and values what his allies have to say. This time it’s Spinner’s turn to reassure Shigaraki that he made the right choice, allowing him to refocus on getting to the tower.

Shortly after, the Twices show up to help escort Shigaraki to the tower, and Spinner takes this opportunity to help lighten the burden by taking out the politician, who is basically giving the MLA soldiers stat boosts.

In the midst of his fight, he reflects on where he came from and how he got here, and he finally solidifies why he wants to follow Shigaraki. After realising that they share the same sentiments, he too wants to see the horizon that Shigaraki is envisioning. Shigaraki “lit a fire in his heart”, and as all he can think about is helping him in whatever way he can, he comes to accept that it’s fine if he’s just coming along for the ride.

(”I’ve got nothing I love” Are you sure about that-)

As we come to the grand finale of the battle, Shigaraki obliterates a huge chunk of the city, levelling it completely, and Spinner is the only other member from the League to witness it.

He’s completely awestruck, and when it comes to Spinaraki, it doesn’t get any gayer than these two lines parallelling one another: 

Some post-development crumbs

Now that we have their relationship established and developed, we can poke at the smaller stuff that takes place afterwards.

The first little crumb we get is when Shigaraki is introduced on stage in the room beneath the MLA mansion. The other League members are waiting for their cue to walk out, and Spinner’s heart beats as he watches Shigaraki intently.

After the speech, Shigaraki collapses from exhaustion, and while Compress simply remarks on how it’s a miracle he was still standing, Spinner expresses legitimate surprise and concern.

And for one last crumb until we see them interact again, I just think it’s cute that Spinner is in the support regiment of the PLF, yet again continuing the notion of Spinner wanting to help Shigaraki however he can.

In conclusion…

Spinaraki is a surprisingly soft and wholesome villain ship with a lot of fluff potential. Just two local gaymers who want to get back at society for condemning them, and who have each other’s complete support and loyalty.

Shigaraki has a huge soft-spot for his fellow outcasts, and Spinner is no exception. He accepts Spinner for who he is, doesn’t make any condescending remarks about him or his appearance, and remains patient and calm even when Spinner gets frustrated, making sure to listen and take in every word that’s said. He values Spinner as a person, and that ends up meaning so much for Spinner in the long run.

Spinner was someone who had no desires of his own, and nowhere to go where he felt safe and accepted. Even after taking up Stain’s ideals and joining the League, he was uncertain if he still belonged there - he’s noticed how there is no longer a trace of Stain’s ideology within the League, and he’s still faced discrimination in the form of Dabi calling him a lizard during the highway scene, something which the CRC does at the beginning of the MVA arc. However, Shigaraki ended up becoming Spinner’s reason for staying, finally giving him purpose to his life. They feel the same when it comes to acting out against society, and they’re able to understand one another on that emotional level. They have plenty in common, and it’s very clear now that Spinner is fully-prepared to follow Shigaraki to the ends of the earth.

Spinaraki’s dynamic is severely underrated, and the concept of Spinner - who has no prior romantic experience - crushing on the world’s new destructive god is too good to pass up. And the video game dates? 10/10, so damn adorable, they could bond over so many different games and just chill out when they don’t feel like going outside. Not to mention it’s just so good how Shigaraki isn’t fazed by Spinner’s appearance and how Spinner desperately needs that from someone, because this boy has obviously not been loved at all and craves that kind of connection (I mean, just look at how easily flustered he got from Mandalay’s flirting; no wonder he was pissed about it afterwards, now that we know what kind of history he’s had. That was probably the first time anyone’s ever complimented his appearance, and it just ended up being a dirty trick).

So yeah, Spinaraki has my whole heart, and I can’t wait to see them interact more (pls lord Horikoshi, give us Spinner reacting to buffraki when they reunite, I need to see his gay little heart panic for a whole second). Their dynamic is one of the cutest within the League, and I really hope more people see it when the MVA arc gets animated.

I hope you all enjoyed reading this - have a cute little sketch my good friend @batsyart​ did as a bonus!

[virtualcarrot]

I posted 2,186 times in 2021

62 posts created (3%)

2124 posts reblogged (97%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 34.3 posts.

I added 888 tags in 2021

#good omens - 247 posts

#ineffable partners - 139 posts

#art : good omens - 124 posts

#capitalism - 74 posts

#activism - 63 posts

#video rec - 60 posts

#art - 48 posts

#fandom - 47 posts

#tumblr - 47 posts

#not!fic : good omens - 39 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#(ok so it happened twice in five years. after a month or so caprice got over it and came back. he kept eating my cat's food until i moved)

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

How do people think change is enacted anyway ?

''we need reasoned productions that don't pollute the earth'' BUT ''organic production is an evil white hipster classist concept''* AND ''there's no ethical consumption under capitalism so might as well not bother''

I mean...

*or, for the more measured, simply not ideologically pure and ''free from sin'' enough

How do you think cooperative initiatives and/or producers transitioning to an organic production establish themselves in the marketplace? By virtue of values and faith alone? No, they sELL THEIR STUFF.

Listen I hate the ''vote with your wallet'' argument. Hate it. That's not voting, for starters. And it's so often used to silence whistleblowers. But we shouldn't be naive either. Civic and political responsibility does not stop when you hand in your ballot paper.

If you don't have the money to buy organic food, or ethical clothes or ethical stuff, that's fine. Survival first - and survival even means indulgences, truthfully.

But if you hide behind a slogan (no ethical consumpt-) to justify wilful ignorance and to spread that ignorance, I both understand that awareness and questioning one's habits is difficult and painful, but also... I'm sorry, but that's...

You do see there's an issue, right?

42 notes • Posted 2021-09-25 16:18:13 GMT

#4

GO Human!AU Flower shop Delivery relay not!fic...

...that nobody asked for, yadda yadda

A stream of consciousness not!fic I inflicted on @goodduckingomens​, and attempted to give a readable shape to so less practiced souls could still understand it.

*

Human!AU Crowley has a flower shop. A fandom classic, right? only well, it's not like flower shops are particularly in vogue, so he also doubles as a delivery relay point. Due to a misunderstanding with that blasted internet, Aziraphale messes up an order and gets it delivered to the nearest relay point.

[...]

See the full post

48 notes • Posted 2021-10-28 16:43:16 GMT

#3

GO human AU breakup makeup not!fic

(sometimes I brainstorm fics-i’ll-never-write with @goodduckingomens)

they get married because they're young and they're very close and it's the "done thing" and they don't really think much abt it, don't talk, don't build something together, and definitely never sit down to actually have a proper conversation about their own issues and family dynamics

and it all goes up in flames because of that, because when they're "only" friends/dating, family doesn't find much reason to give their opinion and it's to each their family to deal with, but once they're married it's like everyone and their mother (hah!) starts pushing expectations on their couple and choice of partner. who do u spend Xmas with, birthdays, etc.

[...]

See the full post

101 notes • Posted 2021-02-21 22:56:28 GMT

#2

Ages ago I read entanglednow’s Only Face to Face, drew this, intended to add companion sketches to it, got interrupted by Life and Work, and did not post it. Months later, might as well share it as a stand alone.

(go read the fic, it’s great!)

106 notes • Posted 2021-10-24 00:01:27 GMT

#1

Aziraphale has taken to keeping a herbarium over the years, and Crowley has grown fond of finding new specimens for the angel to add to it. I did the art and the lovely @serafaina delivered the fic for the @do-it-with-style-events Reverse Big Bang event !

Many thanks to the organizers, and much love to Fuuma​ both for her patience and chill in the face of my cutting-it-quite-close-there-aren’t-you time management, and the soft heart-warming story !

You can read it in all of its glory here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29402391

351 notes • Posted 2021-02-13 16:47:13 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[threadsketchier]

So I saw the prequels prior to the Originals and it always bothered me how Luke got dumped on a death planet of Tatooine considering the state of that environment and shot that when down in the previous films while Leia got a life of privilege. I was hoping Bail would argue against splitting the twins. I obviously knew why it had to go that route because it had to align and follow up with the Originals. I guess it came off that Luke wasn’t really wanted...?

I already wrote a ficlet somewhat addressing this misconception.

Also, frankly, I’m getting kind of tired of rehashing the same issue - why do people keep assuming that the Larses don’t matter and don’t have a right to be in Luke’s life just because they live on Space Australia?  Why do their feelings not count just because they’re low-to-middle-class moisture farmers who don’t live in a palace on Space Switzerland-Utopia?  Why the fuck do people assume that Luke wasn’t wanted just because the Organas have a personal preference that was obviously previously established before shit hit the fans and they wanted a daughter and Bail, as a senator and Viceroy - essentially co-leader of his planet - is a fucking rational guy who understands the necessity of making hard decisions dictated by logic over emotions?

The twins weren’t just “split up because that’s how the movies have to go,” it does make internal sense within the narrative that it was safer to hide them in vastly separate locations to prevent both of them from being discovered at the same time and thus lost together, or for their latent Force bond to make them a psychic target if they grew up together and established it, acting like a beacon for Vader and Palpatine and any minions of theirs.  It sucks, it’s painful, it has awkward consequences for them later on when Leia’s a bit too loose with her lips, but that’s why these movies have a tragic backstory.  It has to suck real hard before it gets better.

Does it seem crazy that Leia wound up raised in such a screamingly obvious position as daughter of a then-Imperial Senator and princess of a highly prominent Core world being trained to follow in her biological mother’s footsteps and become a senator herself, thus occupying a very exposed role in the Empire, right under the Emperor’s and Vader’s noses?  Yeah.  But also remember that the Superman/Clark Kent illusion can actually work in real life.  Assumption is a powerful thing.  Your average Joe Citizen would assume that someone as otherworldly as Superman, an alien with the ability to fly, strength to bench-press skyscrapers and jumbo jets, heat vision, and other amazing things, would never stoop to living as a normal, humble, inconvenienced human being.  It’s not merely the hiding behind a pair of glasses and hunching over a little with a nerdy tone and habits - it’s the entire idea that a Clark Kent could even exist in the same person of Superman.  They don’t understand that he was raised as a human and actually desires this life, and doesn’t feel the need to lock himself away permanently in his dope Fortress of Solitude and never interact with the very people he wants to save and protect.

Vader was lied to by Palpatine about the nature of Padmé’s death, but there was no disputing that she actually died.  In his crushing despair, Vader accepted with heaps of self-flagellation that his child was dead.  He didn’t even know he had two children.  In his mind, whenever he saw Leia - surely they were in each other’s circles at least at a distance before Rogue One and ANH - even if she reminded him of Padmé six ways from Sunday, he would not assume she was his daughter, because as far as he was concerned his child was dead.  The OT establishes that latent Force-sensitivity also does not automatically make two related Force-sensitives consciously aware of each other until they mutually know one another as being related and Force-sensitive, so not even torturing Leia revealed this to him.

But I’m going off on a tangent.  Let’s break this down:

Tatooine is nothing but a source of anguish for Anakin and his personal loathing for the place made it ideal as a hiding place.  And no, I’m not just haha joking about sand.  He was a slave there and buried his mother there after slaughtering an entire village of natives he knew in his heart that he shouldn’t have.  It holds nothing but misery and failure for him.

Yes, Tatooine is abso-fucking-lutely a galactic cesspit.  It’s ruled by the most vile mob boss in the galaxy, is rife with nasty wildlife that’s out to kill you, and is haunted by the troubles brought about by strife between colonizers and the native population.  It is indisputably a dangerous place.  But it wasn’t Tatooine that killed the Larses.  It was the Empire.  Just because they look like Soft Folks™ doesn’t mean they were - Owen and Beru knew how to take care of themselves, and they certainly knew how to take care of a child in this environment.  They survived to middle age just fine, and would’ve kept going if it wasn’t for those fucking stormtroopers.  Just because they didn’t live a life of luxury also doesn’t mean they were dirt poor either.  When we meet Luke in ANH, he’s a healthy young lad who still has the privilege to fuck off with his buddies around his farm duties.  Life may be tough but it’s not squalor and deprivation for him.

But honestly, even if they WERE dirt poor, they’re still Luke’s family, and they very obviously loved him.  I almost feel like I shouldn’t have to restate it, but I will: Owen and Beru loved Shmi, and upon hearing that Anakin died and left behind a baby son, why wouldn’t they be moved and compelled to take Luke in, and why wouldn’t they deserve to have the chance to raise him in their memory?  Even though they’d be sad that Luke was orphaned, they might even see this as a blessing to be able to raise Shmi’s grandson and Anakin’s son.

As much as he bitched about chores as a teenager, Luke learned damn valuable skills growing up on a Tatooine moisture farm that, coupled with the Force, saved everybody’s asses at the Battle of Yavin, and went on to make him an ideal squadron leader.  Wealth and privilege are not always the best foundation, or at least certainly not the automatic one, for a person to learn good character either.

The Organas are human too.  Faced with a difficult choice, they decided to take this poignant opportunity to fulfill a dream they’d been deferring for some time.  Sometimes parents wish for a specific child, and that’s their prerogative (except IRL they don’t actually get to pick, they get whatever kid they gestate).  If they’d taken Luke and let Obi-Wan take Leia, we’d be having the same argument about Leia growing up on Tatooine.  There was no inequality in this decision.  Bail and Breha wanted a daughter, there was a daughter present among the twins, so they chose her.  This does not mean they valued Luke any less.  Since the twins couldn’t be raised together for their own safety, it might as well have come down to a coin toss.  Bail isn’t evil for exercising a shred of his personal emotions and desires in a situation where he otherwise knew he’d have to restrain himself.  Also, he’d be smart enough to respect the fact that both children had actual family elsewhere in the galaxy and wouldn’t think any less of the Larses just because they live on Tatooine.  The only way his decision would be careless or heinous was if he knew Luke was being taken to people who were abusive or so destitute they couldn’t even care for themselves, much less a third person, and he did nothing about it - but we know this is not that situation.

How do you feel about non-wealthy people living in harsh places here on Earth raising their children?  Would you expect all the rich people in the world to go take those children away from them and adopt them just so they could grow up “privileged” instead?  Think about how that sounds for a moment or two.

Honestly, if Bail had tried to argue about taking both twins because he felt taking Luke to his legal family on Tatooine was “cruel” or “neglectful” because of the planet’s “risky environment and poverty,” I’d hope either Obi-Wan or Yoda would have enough sense to smack him upside the head for being so thoughtless as to insult these people for being seemingly beneath him.

There is more to life than money and power/prestige, and Leia’s upbringing wasn’t all it was cracked up to be.  She was no pampered, air-headed royal spending her days sitting idle being hand-fed space grapes while her “poor” brother ate sand cookies.  She had to undergo intensive academic, political, and physical training from young childhood in order to prepare her to become a covert Rebel agent while she was still a teenager, as if being a child senator wasn’t already stressful and demanding enough.  Sure, she never lacked for anything, but that is an incredible amount of responsibility to saddle on someone who wasn’t even an adult yet (like her bio mother).  Luke was blessed with far more freedom and peace in his childhood than his sister.  And him living on Tatooine with his father’s surname wasn’t nearly as dangerous as Leia existing within the heart of the Empire while actively engaging in Rebel activities that could have cost her her life, even without getting into the whole “daughter of Anakin Skywalker” business.

Also, just because we joke about Tatooine being Space Australia doesn’t mean every single day of Luke’s childhood was THAT eventful.  It was more likely 80% dull farm life and 20% mayhem, and that 20% would be mostly Luke’s fault for being a crazy nut like his parents and getting himself into trouble he could have avoided in most cases.  In other words, growing up there might not have been nearly as “deadly” as we make it out to be.

[purplesurveys]

1266

Retaking this survey I took nearly exactly a year ago, which would be around the time of one of the lowest points in my life. A lot has changed and I’m *so much* happier these days, but it doesn’t hurt to revisit and acknowledge the emotions I went through then.

Are you afraid of lifts? 2020: I only feel afraid if I’m the only person riding the elevator. If I ever got locked inside I’d always feel a lot better if there’s at least one other person stuck with me. Otherwise I try not to be too bothered by lifts. 2021: Yeah, as much as possible I would still only get in if someone else was also planning to get in; elevators that are also visibly old and unmaintained tend to scare me away, too. But generally, riding the elevator isn’t a phobia of mine.

Who did you last talk to in person? Is that person attractive? 2020: That would be my mom and yes, I think she’s very attractive. Not in that way of course, but you know what I mean. She looks very young for her age and we always get mistaken as sisters. 2021: My dad. Sure, I think he looks okay.

Have you ever had a deep, personal conversation with a stranger? 2020: As much as possible I don’t like having deep conversations with someone I barely know, but sometimes I can’t escape the situation and I end up being a part of those talks. The nicest conversation I had was with a client during my first internship – he has his own company now, but over breakfast he told me about his struggles, his old unfulfilling 9-5 job, and gave me so much valuable life advice. He was so genuine and so nice and at that time I stopped minding the fact that he was a stranger and I’d most likely never encounter him again. 2021: Ooh I remember that. Yeah, he was lovely to talk to and I definitely have not encountered anyone with stories like his ever since. Anyway, I’ve grown to be a lot more extroverted over the past year so I certainly wouldn’t mind a conversation with a stranger, as long as they haven’t established themselves as a creep or pervert.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your own appearance? Why? 2020: Probably an 8. I don’t have a problem with my physical features for the most part, but I don’t like my front teeth and that my body hair is thicker and grows more quickly than average. Those are the two things that mess with my self-esteem the most, and the two factors that took out the missing two points. 2021: 9. I still have the same points for self-esteem issues; but I’ve embraced them slightly more over the last year.

Who was the last person to send you a message on Facebook? When was the last time you saw that person? 2020: Rita. I probably saw her sometime in early March. Maybe during a board meeting for our org before the lockdown was implemented. 2021: Angela. Sometime mid-July, I think? when we went to the BTS pop-up store together with Reena and Hans. I might see her again next week for her birthday. I have to see her reaction when she opens up the present I plan to get her.

If you decided, at this moment in time, that you were going to make a sandwich, what would you put on it? 2020: Assuming my hypothetical pantry is full, I would go for a southern-style chicken sandwich with chicken breast and spicy mayo. My stomach just rumbled, what have you doneeeeee 2021: Holy shit that sounds so fucking good right now. Can I just steal my own answer? Spicy crunchy chicken sandwiches are the shit.

Are you good at controlling your emotions, or do you tend to let them get the better of you? 2020: It’s 50/50 at best. Sometimes I let self-control win since it’s usually the most responsible choice and it’s also to avoid drama, but there are days where I recognize that self-care is just as important and so I allow myself a healthy release whether the release is one of sadness or resentment or anything else. Repressing my emotions and letting them bubble up over time isn’t healthy, either. 2021: I’m a lot better at it now. I think I have done a lot of growing and maturing and processing over the last year, and I don’t get into dramatic outbursts nor repress my feelings too much anymore. Whenever I feel deeply I let the emotions stay, but I also know when I need to reach out and seek help.

At this moment in time, what do you want the most? 2020: Normalcy. 2021: At this moment in time, I wish I could go back to when I took this survey and reassure the me then that everything was going to turn out absolutely fine. But right now I wish I also had sushi.

How many times have you cried over the person you love/like? 2020: Too many. 2021: I don’t love anyone in that sense.

How exactly are you feeling right now? Why do you feel the way you do? 2020: I haven’t been feeling anything in particular these days. To be honest, I’ve just been doing a lot of…floating around, existing, trying to make it to the end of the day unscathed. I believe I’m feeling this way because there’ve been a lot of major life changes happening and I simply wasn’t prepared to deal with all of them simultaneously. 2021: Jesus Christ that was brutal to read. How the fuck did I...manage? Anyway, right nooooow I feel quite content because a new episode of Run BTS came out and I really enjoyed it!! I also feel cozy because it’s actually quite cold tonight, so it’s making me feel sleepy faster than I would like lol. What’s the relationship status of the last person that put their arms around you? 2020: She’s been married for the last 23 years to my dad. 2021: He’s been married for the last 24 years to my mom.

Has the last person you held hands with, ever told you that they love you? 2020: Yeah. 2021: ^ Gross. But yeah to answer this question in 2021 – yes she has, in a platonic, sisterly way. We say it all the time.

Is there someone you used to hang out with all the time, and now you don’t anymore? If so, do you ever miss that person? Why do you think your relationship changed?   2020: Sure, Sofie’s the first person I thought of because we used to be the best of friends. We simply grew apart when college started, since she studied in Manila and I was all the way in another city. It would’ve been too difficult to keep up the friendship with both of us also starting to have different goals and priorities, as well as new friends. I miss her sometimes, but I’m not desperate to see her anytime soon. I’m sad to see our relationship fizzle out the way it did, but we’re both pretty happy and have been doing well and that’s enough for me. 2021: I stopped hanging out with Aya because she is an abusive piece of shit, and I obviously value my friendship with Jo far more than tolerating an abuser and keeping them around in my life. As for missing her, no, not really. I’ve always found it easy to cut people off and wipe out the positive sentiments I would use to have about a person.

Who was the last person you talked to, whose name started with ‘H’? What color are that person’s eyes? 2020: I don’t know a lot of H people so it was probably Hannah even though I haven’t talked to her in a while. Her eyes are dark brown/black, like nearly every Filipino. 2021: Hans. Same, dark brown/black.

Who was the last person you talked to, whose name started with ‘M’? How did you meet that person? 2020: OMG this was so tough to think about. The only person I can think of is Angela but that’s only because her first name is actually Maria. We met on the first day of 1st grade, back in 2005. I accidentally stabbed her with a newly-sharpened pencil and made her palm bleed, and for some insane reason a lifelong friendship was established that day. 2021: Macky. He’s a coworker but is a couple of positions above me. At first I took issue with my workplace not using honorifics, but when I learned it was a tactic to get everyone comfortable with one another, I soon got used to it.

The person you love/like is offered a job in another country. Would you let them go, or try and convince them to stay? 2020: Let them, because that was what we agreed on. 2021: No matter my feelings towards the situation, I would never interfere and ask them to stay.

Is there anyone you dislike so much, that you actually can’t stand to be around them? 2020: Back in college I hated being anywhere near a frat guy. They all had the same vibe, had the same fashion sense, used the same slang, had the same shitty work ethic so I always knew whenever one was nearby. 2021: One of my uncles, who I believe has COVID literally right now because he refused to get a vaccine. Can’t say I feel awful.

When was the last time you wanted to cry, but didn’t, because you didn’t want to show that you were upset? Why? 2020: I’ve been hiding my emotions and my tears from my family the whole month because we’re not a showy family when it comes to our feelings. We deal with our emotions privately, in our own bedrooms. 2021: Like two weeks ago when my teacher in my Korean classes shared a song recommendation with us and it turned out to be this really emotional, introspective song about dealing with life anxieties. It was beautifully sung and I nearly cried, and the only reason I didn’t was because I was in a virtual class full of strangers and I wasn’t about to start bawling my eyes out in such a situation lol.

If you found out that someone had been talking about you behind your back, would you confront them? 2020: I probably only would if they’ve always been super nice to me to my face but talking shit about me if I’m not around. It would be something I’d want to get into the bottom of. 2021: Depends on who the person is and if I think they’re worth my energy or not.

Which do you think is worse - saying something and then wishing you hadn’t, or not saying something and wishing you had? 2020: I hate nothing more than being too afraid to say something and then never having the space to say it again. That’s the type of regret that stays with me and keeps me up at night. 2021: I still go with the latter.

Do you know anyone who seems almost incapable of showing their emotions? 2020: I wouldn’t say I know anyone exactly like this, but I know of people who have built a great big wall around themselves and are super defensive when it comes to their emotions in a way that you’ll never know if they’re going through something. The first person I thought of was JM. 2021: My dad is extremely unexpressive. I guess I can say I kinda get it - he has to keep up his image as the father of the house and all - but I hope he has his own, healthy ways of processing his emotions, even if they have to be done in private.

What are 3 things that are guaranteed to make you smile, or put you in a good mood? 2020: Good Mythical Morning, seeing my orgmates, and driving. Driving seems to put me in a really good mood these days, though that’s likely because I haven’t had to do it as often as I used to. 2021: BTS, my dogs, and talking to Angela and Reena.

Do you look more like your mum or your dad? 2020: I’m a carbon copy of my mom, I’ve been told more times than I can count. 2021: Well yeah, that hasn’t changed.

When was the last time you saw your grandparents? 2020: I last saw my paternal grandparents in February; with my maternal grandma, two Thursdays ago. I have not seen my maternal grandpa since June or July 2015. 2021: Start of August for my maternal grandma; and I believe it was June when we most recently visited my dad’s parents. I visited my maternal grandpa at his columbarium slot during his birthday last year.

Have you ever felt really attracted to someone, but been deterred because you found out they didn’t have a very nice personality? 2020: No. If I get attracted to someone, that means I’ve already decided that they’re attractive on all fronts, including their attitudes and personality. 2021: ^ That is such a damn lie lmao. I remember getting attracted to this boy Lance from high school and thinking he was so cute and that I should probably try my chances with him...but I immediately got turned off when I noticed how he was slightly immature for his age and I stopped pursuing him immediately.

Have you ever hugged/kissed someone you’d only just met? 2020: Probably when I was out drinking, yes. 2021: ^ That’s true but that only goes for hugging.

Where is the person you would most like to see/be with? 2020: There is no such person. 2021: All my friends and best friends are at home. At least they should be at this hour, lmao.

When was the last time you bought a CD/DVD? Which one was it? 2020: The last CD I bought was Beyoncé’s self-titled album, but I can’t remember if I bought it in late 2013 or early 2014. 2021: ^ 2020-me had no idea :’) Anyway, the last DVD I placed an order for was Map of the Soul ON:E, though I’m not getting that until October. The last thing I was able to successfully receive was my Butter CD set.

Have you ever gone against someone’s advice and then regretted it? 2020: I don’t usually ask my friends for advice since I don’t want to possibly be the jerk that asks for advice but goes against them. I’ve always just gone with whatever I think is best for myself. 2021: I guess I’m still the same as I found myself agreeing to those two sentences.

Would you ever apologize for something that wasn’t your fault? 2020: Welcome to my life. 2021: Before, I used to. I won’t let shit like that pass now.

What’s been the best thing about your day so far? 2020: I’ve done a good share of self-care activities today…I actually got up in bed and have been taking surveys, I ate a lot for breakfast, I took a shower, and fixed myself a cup of coffee. The bar has been set very low since August obviously, but considering I’ve been skipping out on a great deal of activities that used to make me happy, I’m just glad I accomplished several today. It’s the little joys, guys. 2021: Getting good feedback from my boss on a deck I had to work on all day today. Also the new episode of Run BTS, aka my favorite thing about Tuesdays.

Has anyone ever cried in your arms before? 2020: I can only recall one person who’s done this. 2021: Sure.

Who was the last person you talked to, whose name started with ‘C’? Is that person older or younger than you? 2020: Tina, but her full name is Christina so she counts. I keep forgetting she’s a year older than me. 2021: Coco. Yeah, I believe so.

Do you keep a lot of things from your parents? 2020: Yes. They know my good side - my awards, achievements, job prospects, all the shiny stuff they can be proud of. They don’t need to know how mentally fucked their firstborn actually is, because it’s not like they’d know how to deal with all that weight. 2021: Yes.

Who was the last person you confided in? Do you regret it? 2020: Angela. Not at all. She’s been my rock for the last 15 years. 2021: Andi, and no. I trust them with my whole life and then some.

What was the last film you watched, that you hadn’t seen before? What kind of film was it? What did you think of it? 2020: I’m Thinking of Ending Things is a psychological thriller. It’s not for the faint of heart, especially those who’ve been feeling depressed and/or existential lately. It certainly didn’t make me feel good and I wish I could unwatch it, not because it was bad but because it was a bit too triggering. 2021: Be With You; it’s a Korean film that’s mostly romance but with a super super slight tinge of fantasy if you squint your eyes hard enough. I loved it a lot; both the leads are sooooooooo pretty to look at and the kid is a fantastic actor. I also cried a lot, but I do think the ending could’ve been executed better as it felt rushed.

Have you ever had an argument with the last person you hugged/kissed? 2020: Lots. 2021: Nothing more than extremely petty fights, the last of which we had approximately 12 years ago.

Using one word only, describe the day you’ve had so far. 2020: Lonely. 2021: Routine.

[cinaja]

Before the Wall part 44

Masterlist

----

Miryam is alone with Drakon in his suite. Nephelle and Sinna left them, the latter only grudgingly, to allow them some privacy. Now, Miryam and Drakon are sitting together on the couch, awkward silence between them.

“I can’t ask you to do this,” Drakon finally says.

“Well, you didn’t,” Miryam says. “I offered.”

Annoyingly enough, Miryam’s stomach choses that moment to let out a low growl. Fortunately, Drakon seems to be too caught up on his worries to notice. She looks around the room, hoping to find something like breakfast anywhere, but there’s no food to be seen, not even a glass of water. Asking seems unfitting, considering what they are just discussing, but she hasn’t eaten in almost a day.

“It was my mistake, Miryam.” Drakon shakes his head, frowning. “Knowing or not, I signed that contract. I agreed to the engagement. And I can’t… I can’t let you suffer for my mistakes.”

Miryam crosses her arms. “I didn’t know I would be suffering.” She presses her lips together and shakes her head. “Don’t you think I considered what I want before I went to talk to you?”

She spent the majority of the night thinking about it, while she worked on the spell to create the mating bond. She is fully aware of what she is doing, what it will mean for her.

Unfortunately, Drakon doesn’t seem to see that. “No,” he says, “I just don’t think you place much value in your own wellbeing and wishes.”

There’s little Miryam can say to argue with that. She could insist that she is fine with this, that it doesn’t make her unhappy, but she isn’t entirely sure if Drakon would believe her. Her own fault, of course. Several years of lying about being fine certainly impacted her credibility.

Drakon rubs a hand over his face. “Please don’t take this the wrong way,” he says. “That you’re willing to do this… I can’t even tell you how much it means to me. And I love you. But because I love you, I cannot agree to this when I know that it’s not something you truly want.”

Miryam sighs. “Even if you didn’t want to marry me, it would be perfectly fine,” she says.

Maybe presenting herself as the logical first option was a mistake. Their relationship is at a stage where most people don’t even think about marriage, and Drakon is a prince, which means that he always has his country’s best interests to consider. She couldn’t blame him at all if he decided that he didn’t want to marry her. It wouldn’t even be judgment of their relationship.

“And your choice certainly isn’t between me and Ravenia,” she adds. She hopes he already knew that, but she still feels the need to say it. She wants to do this, but not if Drakon thinks the choice is between him and Ravenia. “I could create a bond between you and any other person if you’d prefer that. But I think we should at least talk about this before making any choices.”

Drakon reaches for her hand. “It’s not that I don’t want to marry you,” he says, then smiles shyly. “I mean, I don’t want to marry at all at this point. But if I have to get married, I’d want it to be you.” He shakes his head. “But Miryam… You don’t want to get married, and unlike me you don’t have to. And you…” He gestures helplessly. “You want to live a quiet life after this war is over. And if you marry me, you’ll never have this. You will be Princess, and even if you decide to stay out of court life for the most part, there would still be expectations. For the rest of your life.”

Miryam nods. Presses her lips together. This, she considered as well, sitting in Drakon’s beautiful roof garden. It forced her to face more than once bitter truth, but face it she did.

“This quiet life is an illusion,” she says softly. “It always was.”

Even if she believed it for the longest time. And it was such a beautiful lie, too. No matter how terrible Miryam’s life might have been, how much she might have hated it, there was the idea that she could eventually live a normal life. A quiet village, working as a healer. But that future became impossible the moment Miryam stepped out on the balcony in Telique and started a continentwide war.

“I’ll still step back from Continental politics,” she says. “Reduce my role as far as possible. But you don’t get to lead half the Continent and then go live in a small village somewhere in the countryside. It simply isn’t how the game is played.”

If the Fae leaders are truly this scared of her, they will never allow her to vanish off the playing field. The position she currently has might grant her some small level of security – although even that isn’t enough if Zeku is to be believed – but if she gives it up and retreats to some unknown village, she will lose even that. It won’t be more than a month from then until someone decides to tie up loose ends and has her removed quietly.

“But you always said…” Drakon begins, then shrugs a bit helplessly.

“I spoke to Zeku yesterday,” she says. “I was going to tell you directly, but, well…” She smiles. “He told me I have to marry into a royal family if I don’t want to get murdered before the war is over.”

Drakon’s eyes widen. He even lets go of her hand in surprise. “You mean…” he stutters. “But you are leader of the Alliance! They can’t… That would be honourless.”

She snorts. “Apparently, they care more about the danger I might pose to their positions than they do about honour. Zeku thinks that if I were to marry, become royalty myself, that would tip the scales in my favour again.” Fae royal families on the Continent only very rarely murder each other. What Ravenia did to Drakon’s family was the exception, and it was what gave many countries the final push to turn against her.

“So you have to get married too?” Drakon asks.

Miryam nods. “I’m told in most cases, it’s more of a political contract,” she says, “But I can’t bear it. None of these people give a damn about me, they only want me to advance their own power. And if I were to agree, it would feel like I’m selling myself.”

Drakon doesn’t try to tell her that she is over-reacting, or that she’s being ridiculous. “And it doesn’t feel that way with me?” He asks.

Miryam smiles and shakes her head. “No,” she says simply, “It doesn’t.”

If her and Drakon marry, it isn’t about power, or about political positions. He doesn’t want her simply because of the position she holds in the Alliance, doesn’t want to collect her. Politics and such things might play a role in their marriage, but they will never be the sole reason.

“I don’t want to get married either,” she says softly. “But if I do have to, I’d want it to be you.”

Drakon takes her hand again. “So we’re actually getting married?” He asks like he can’t quite believe it.

“I think so.” Miryam smiles at him, more freely now that they’ve made their final choice. “And imagine all the things we might change that way.”

Slowly, Drakon begins to smile back. “You think we could find a way to establish human communities in Erithia?” He asks. “I know we were planning on separate countries, but just imagine…”

“I was thinking just the same thing!” Miryam grins at him. “Imagine if we actually got that to work! Humans and Fae living together in peace.”

Drakon pulls her to her feet, whirls her around. “It would be the first time in history,” he says. “And it will be difficult. But if we got it to work, it would change everything.”

Miryam laughs, suddenly giddy. Right now, in this moment, they can do everything, face everyone. “And imagine the look on Ravenia’s face when she finds out!”

A knot forms in her stomach, like every time she thinks of her, but this time, she doesn’t let it deter her. Ravenia lost, she lost once again, and Miryam will not allow that victory to be dimished by fear.

“Do you think she’ll know?” Drakon asks. “What we did, I mean.”

Miryam grins and squeezes his hand. “If she doesn’t, I’ll have to tell her,” she says. “It wouldn’t do to have her think this was chance and not our actions.”

----

Sinna listened to Drakon’s explanation in silence. She doesn’t comment, but her mouth tightens further with each word he says. When he is done, she shakes his head.

“I don’t like this,” she says. “You’re too young to get married.”

“It’s not like I have a choice,” Drakon says. “I have to get married within three days whether I want it or not.”

The one choice he does get to make is who he wants to marry, and he meant what he said to Miryam: She’s the only person in the world he could actually imagine marrying.

This doesn’t seem to soothe Sinna. “But why Miryam?” She asks.

The question takes Drakon aback. “Because I love her?” He says, question and answer in one. “Because she is the only person I could actually imagine life with.”

Sinna doesn’t seem satisfied. Not at all. But for once, she hesitates before speaking. It’s enough to make Drakon worry. In all the years he’s known Sinna, rarely ever hesitated before speaking.

“What is it?” Drakon prompts when she remains silent.

“Before I go on,” Sinna says, “I would like you to remember that I never interfered with your relationship to Miryam. I only have the biggest respect for her and what she’s accomplished. But I don’t think she is the type of person you should marry.”

Drakon frowns. Of all the reasons Sinna might have offered, he never considered that she might think he might disapprove of him marrying Miryam.

“Miryam is…” Sinna hesitates. “I don’t doubt that she is a kind woman, but she is far more similar to Jurian than she is to you.”

“I don’t see how that is a bad thing,” Drakon says. He understands Sinna is worried for him, but he doesn’t like the direction this conversation is going at all. “I’ll remind you that Jurian was one of my closest friends.”

Sinna sighs. She gets up and walks over to the window. Leaning at the window frame, she looks out of the city below. “It is admirable,” she says, “for someone who comes from the very bottom to rise as high as Miryam did. To start out a slave and end as one of the most powerful people on the entire Continent. But it takes a certain amount of ruthlessness as well.”

“And you think this is news to me?” Drakon asks. He can’t quite help sounding incredulous. “You think that after more than five years of friendship, I don’t know Miryam?” He shakes his head. “Have you ever considered the option that I might actually know her better than you do?”

He is perfectly aware that there is a duality to Miryam. That while they are very similar in many ways, they are fundamentally different in others. He knows that Miryam has an edge he always lacked, knows that she would always be able to make choices he would shy away from. If it came down to it, he doesn’t doubt that she would do what’s necessary to win this war.

It doesn’t make her kindness any less genuine, though. Doesn’t mean they don’t dream of the same things, don’t share the same ideals and visions for the future. If anything, it makes it more beautiful to Drakon.

“Don’t you think I might actually know her better than you do?” He asks.

“I’m not doubting that,” Sinna says. “And I’m not claiming she isn’t a good person, or a good friend.” She turns around to face him. “But are you entirely sure about her intentions when it comes to this marriage?”

Drakon blinks at her. It takes him a moment to understand what Sinna is implying.

“You think she wants to marry me for power?”

“And I wouldn’t blame her for it,” Sinna says with a shrug. “It would be the smart thing to do, for a woman in her position. And there are worse reasons to get married.”

Drakon shakes his head. “This isn’t why.”

The very idea is ridiculous. Miryam received marriage proposals from all of the Alliance’s most influential families. If she wanted to marry for power, she would pick Zeku. Drakon would love to tell Sinna as much, but he isn’t sure if that information is meant to be shared.

Sinna walks over and sits down next to him. “Then look me in the eye and tell me you are absolutely certain that you are not being played. If this is what you believe, without a single doubt, then I will drop this subject and never bring it up again.”

Drakon nods. He meets her dark eyes without blinking and says, “I am sure, without the shade of a doubt, that Miryam pursues no intentions with this marriage beyond the ones she told me about.”

Sinna holds his gaze for a moment, then nods. “Then that is settled.” She nods again. Straightens. “As far as people you want to marry might go, Miryam is a good choice. She isn’t from Erithia, which is a problem, but her talents and yours complement each other.” She nods a third time, as if to reassure herself. “Having her on the ruling council together with you will be good.”

Drakon nods, thinking of the plans they made.

“You’ll have a contract, of course,” Sinna continues. “Apart from the basics and the power divisions, is there anything specific you want, or can we tell the people who will negotiate that contract for you that they should allow Miryam to choose?”

“Miryam can choose,” Drakon says without hesitation. Marriage contracts are important for both sides, of course, but generally more important for the person who is marrying into a different country’s royal family.

Sinna nods and gets up. “I’ll pass it on,” she says. “And now that this is done, we should get going. There’s a lot to do if you truly want to get married tomorrow.”

----

A day is far too little time to prepare a royal wedding. Even a month would be too short, as an advisor whose name Miryam doesn’t know tells her. There are a million things to be done, and far too little time.

She barely sees Drakon. He is busy talking to his council, trying to help organize a wedding in a day. Meanwhile, Miryam is stuck in negotiations for the marriage contract. Drakon has people doing it for him, but Miryam lacks the advantage of being royal and doesn’t have any people working for her. She sent a message to Andromache, who came over from her camp to help, and Drakon got a lawyer from the city for her, which is a good thing because Miryam is completely lost when it comes to legal texts.

The meeting drags on endlessly. They aren’t even debating the contents of the contract – for the most part, Drakon’s people simply explain the options and ask Miryam after her preferences. For the most part, she even gets what she wants. But there are just so many things to consider, countless clauses they need to fulfil.

After three hours, they take a break. The Seraphim lawyer they have working for them nods at Miryam and Andromache, then withdraws.

“You’re crazy,” Andromache says as soon as he’s gone. “Just so you know it.”

Miryam shrugs. She still doesn’t quite realize what is happening. Ever since she heard about the contract, she has been thrumming with a frantic energy. She doesn’t feel tired, even though she hasn’t slept in well over a day.

“Do you think I’m being stupid?” She asks softly.

“Depends,” Andromache says. “I may not be entirely aware of the reasons behind this… spontaneous decision, but I assume you both have your reasons. And Drakon is a good person – it’s obvious that you love him, and he loves you.” She picks a rice ball off a plate one of the servants brought. “But have you truly considered the consequences? This is a very permanent decision, and you are still young.”

Miryam looks down at her fingers. She is perfectly aware of how permanent her choices are. The contract they are currently writing guarantees her many liberties (not to mention that it basically makes her the second most powerful person in all of Erithia). She can have lovers whenever she wants, can spend her time where she wishes. But if she choses to marry Drakon now, she will always be tied to Erithia. As its Princess, she will have duties. Always.

Still, she is nearly certain that this is what she wants. She can imagine life with Drakon, imagine it easily. She doesn’t have any doubt about that. It’s being Princess of a Fae country that worries her more, but even that will probably be bearable. As far as Fae countries go, Erithia is quite nice, and as Princess, Miryam will be in a position to make some changes together with Drakon. Maybe they’ll truly manage to establish human communities, a peaceful coexistence for humans and Fae.

“I’m sure,” she says. “This is what I want to do.”

Andromache nods. “That’s good.”

The meeting drags on. Another three hours later, the contract is finally ready. The Fae who oversaw the meeting informs Miryam that the text will go straight to a scribe to be written in its final form and will be ready for signature within a few hours. After that, Andromache has to head back to Telique, and Miryam is presented with a seamstress who needs to take her measurements for appropriate wedding clothes. As soon as the seamstress is done, a courtier appears to shoo Miryam into another room where an elderly Seraphim walks her through the protocol for royal weddings.

By the time Miryam is finally free to go, the sun has already set and the palace halls are lit by faelight. The courtier who sent her to her last meeting is there again, but he seems at a loss for where to take her next.

Fortunately for both of them, Nephelle appears in time to save them. “I’ll take her,” she says to the courtier, links her arm with Miryam’s and starts walking.

“Do you mind if I take you to Drakon’s quarters?” She asks softly. “You will have quarters of your own once you are married, but they aren’t ready yet, and I thought you might not want to spend the night in one of the guest suites.”

“Sure,” Miryam says absentmindedly.

The frantic energy that kept her going so far has vanished, leaving her completely drained. She stumbles over her feet and Nephelle grabs her arm to keep her upright.

“You look like you were run over by a cart,” Nephelle says. “Are you alright?”

“Just tired,” Miryam mutters.

“Quite hectic, right?” Nephelle grins and nudges her in the side. “I’ve always dreamed of seeing a real royal wedding sometime, but I never considered that it might entail this much stress.”

Miryam smiles. “I imagine most royal weddings have more than one day to be planned.”

“True words.” Nephelle’s smile fades. “I know this is a very short timeframe,” she says. “And as someone who has known Drakon from his childhood and considers him a younger brother, I’m beyond grateful that you are doing this. Still: You’re sure that this is what you want?”

“Yes,” Miryam replies, this time without hesitation. “I’m sure.”

“Good.” They have reached Drakon’s quarters and Nephelle lets go of her arm. “Do you want me to stay?”

Miryam shakes her head. “Thank you, but I just want to sleep.”

Nephelle smiles and leaves her behind at the door. Miryam quietly closes the door behind her. She barely manages to pull off her shoes before she falls asleep on the couch.

Soft voices wake her. Miryam stirs. Still heavy from sleep, she yawns and sits up.

“I’m sorry,” Drakon says softly. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

He’s still dressed in fine clothes, although they seem a little ruffled after an entire day spent running around. Sinna and Nephelle are with him. A look at the clock reveals that it’s three hours past midnight. With a start, Miryam realizes that she’s getting married today.

“Still awake?” She asks with another yawn.

“Yes.”

Miryam draws up her knees and motions for Drakon to sit down next to her. He does, Sinna and Nephelle sitting down on the other couch. Nephelle leans her head against Sinna’s shoulder.

“They’ve got the contract ready,” Drakon says and holds out a scroll. “I already signed, but you can read through it again before you do if you want to.”

Miryam nods and sits up. Her dress is hopelessly crumbled, but she still tries to straighten it before taking the scroll from Drakon. Simply signing a contract is distinctly unromantic, but for royal marriages, it has little to do with the actual ceremony. Contracts are signed upon engagement, and during the actual marriage ceremony, vows are exchanged.

“And I still need to cast the spell,” she says. “So that we can officially ‘accept’ the bond tomorrow.”

“Oh, yes.” Drakon hesitates. “Do you want to do it now, or…”

“Now is fine.” Miryam yawns again. “Just give me a moment to wake up fully.” The last thing she wants is to mess up with a spell as important as this. She reaches for Drakon’s hand. “I’m confident that this spell will work,” she says. “But you should know that there’s always a chance that it won’t fool the contract.”

Drakon frowns slightly. Sinna straightens. “How big a chance?” She asks.

“One out of ten?”

Drakon nods without hesitation. “Then I suppose I’ll have to take that risk.”

“Talking of risks,” Sinna says, “I think it would be best if news of that spell didn’t leave this room.”

Miryam frowns and Nephelle jumps in to explain. “Many Fae believe that mating bonds are sacred. They are seen as gifts from the Cauldron. If it became public that you cast a spell to recreate one, people might take it amiss. It could be considered to be blasphemy.”

Drakon makes a face at the word, but Miryam has a different problem.

“That won’t work,” she says.

“Why?” Sinna asks.

“I have to tell Jurian. The entire story.”

If she doesn’t, it will make it so much worse for him. No doubt the mating bond will be made into some huge romance by the Fae, who somehow think there is nothing more romantic than some cosmic bond tying two people together. And if Jurian thinks she married Drakon over a mating bond, that would be a hard blow for him.

“Of course.” Drakon winces. “He doesn’t even know about our relationship yet, if we marry without explaining…”

“And what if he tells?” Sinna asks sharply.

“Jurian is already suffering enough,” Drakons says, “I refuse to make it worse unnecessarily.” He turns to Miryam. “Do you want me to come when you talk to him?”

Miryam would love nothing more than to say yes. She is scared of talking to Jurian – not out of any fear of him, but because she knows how much this will hurt him. And she cannot bear to see Jurian hurt, least of all because of her. But she knows that taking Drakon along will just make it worse for Jurian, and she would be the worst kind of coward if she chose to make this easier for herself at his expense.

“I’ll go alone,” she says. “It will be easier that way.”

Sinna frowns at her, but doesn’t comment. Drakon simply nods.

Miryam straightens. “I think I’m ready for the spell now,” she says. “I’ll go to Jurian afterwards.”

She gets up and stretches, then goes looking for her notes on the spell. She finds them on a small table at the edge of the room.

Nephelle leans forward. “I’ve never seen a witch spell,” she says. “This is exciting.”

Miryam shrugs. “I’m afraid this spell won’t be very flashy.”

Few witch spells are, to be honest. Fae can sense the power occasionally, but unless it’s something really big, the effect isn’t generally visible to anyone who isn’t a witch. This one certainly won’t be.

“I need you to cut your arm,” Miryam says to Drakon. “We need blood for the spell.”

Drakon winces slightly at the thought, but draws his knife and holds it over his palm. Miryam grabs his wrist before he can cut himself. “The arm,” she says. “Hand cuts get infected far more easily and are more painful.” Drakon angles the knife over his arm. “But not too deep,” Miryam adds.

“I know,” Drakon says with a wry smile. He slices the knife over his arm, wincing as he does. Miryam takes up the knife and runs it over her own arm. It hurts, but not much.

“Good,” Miryam says softly. “We need to press our arms together now.”

They grasp each other by the elbows and press their arms together. Miryam grips the paper with the spell with her free hand. A drop of blood falls on the paper.

“I’ll start now,” She says. “I might feel… I don’t know. Strange.”

Drakon nods. Miryam holds his gaze as she begins the spell. They burn in her throat as they always do, but her power plays along just fine. Smaller strings appear in front of her and weave together to a tight cord. With each of Miryam’s words, it tightens. She finishes the spell and the cord snaps into place between them. Miryam looks up and finds Drakon, Sinna and Nephelle staring at her.

“It didn’t work?” Sinna asks.

“Of course it worked,” Miryam says. She curiously looks down at the small cord that now connects her and Drakon.

“But nothing happened!” Nephelle exclaims.

“Not very flashy, like I said.” Miryam grins and tugs at the cord that now connects them. Drakon flinches.

“Was that…”

Miryam takes his hands and grins broader. “A mating bond.”

----

Ever since the battle, Mor’s life has been in a steady downwards spiral that shows no sign of stopping. By now, she is nearly certain that some higher power is trying to punish her for wishing for powers beyond what any person should reasonably have. Arrogant, that’s what it was, and now, she’s paying the price.

Part of that price includes facing her uncle’s questions.

“And you’re absolutely sure you cannot do it again?” He asks.

It’s the same question he has been asking over and over again since their meeting started, ever since Mor described what happened. It is becoming tiresome. Especially because her uncle is a talented liar himself, and lying to him is a challenge.

“I don’t even know how I did it,” she lies. “It just happened. I wouldn’t even know where to start if I was to replicate it.”

A lie, of course. Mor knows exactly what happened and would be able to do it again quite easily. She won’t, though. Even if it was her life at stake, she would never use her powers again. The very thought terrifies her.

“But have you tried?” The High Lord presses.

“Yes.” Mor sighs. “Nothing happened, though.”

And so they restart their game of question and evasion. By the time he finally allows her to take her leave, Mor is completely drained. She only barely manages to winnow back to Andromache’s camp.

“Evening Mor!” Yanis calls out to her from where he’s standing with some of the guards. “Had a fun meeting?”

“Sure,” Mor mutters, sarcasm dripping in each word. “Where’s Andromache?”

“Erithia.” Yanis shrugs. “Something’s up with Miryam. Or Drakon, I’m not sure.”

Mor frowns. “Something bad?”

“Not that I know of.”

Mor sighs. She briefly considers winnowing to Erithia to find out what this is about, but she doubts it would be any use. If she is allowed to know about what’s going on, she will be told sooner or later. Otherwise, asking around after secrets that are not for her to know will lead to nothing.

In her tent, she lies down on her bed and stares up at the ceiling. Even days later, the words she heard when she used her power still echo in his head. She wonders if they’ll ever go away. If there will ever be a day when she doesn’t need to hear that horrible voice.

She should never have used her powers. Some truths are simply too horrible to face.

Almost an hour passes until Andromache arrives. She steps through the tent’s entrance, dressed not in her armour but in fine council clothes. When she sees Mor lying on the bed, she smiles and sits down next to her.

“Did your uncle leave you in one piece?” She asks.

Mor nods. “I think he suspects I’m not telling him everything, though.” Considering that, her uncle was surprisingly polite. “And you? Any trouble?”

“No.” Andromache says. “Are your free tomorrow?”

“Yes?” Mor arches an eyebrow at her. “Anything specific?”

“Miryam and Drakon are getting married.”

Mor stares at her, not quite comprehending the words. “Miryam and Drakon are…” She begins, then breaks off.

“Getting married, yes,” Andromache finishes for her. “Don’t ask me why, though, because my guess is as good as yours.”

Mor shakes her head. “They are getting married,” she says slowly. “Within a day. And you don’t know why?”

“The obviously false reason is that they are mates,” Andromache says.

Mor yelps. “Mates?” She lets out a startled laugh.

Miryam and Drakon – mates. Who would have thought. They are hardly the typical pair, not as closely matched in power as mates usually are. Mor still finds the pairing fitting, though. They are both kind, both share the same vision for the future of the Continent.

“And you’re surprised they decide to marry?” She asks. “If they are mates?”

Andromache shrugs entirely too nonchalantly. “So what? That’s hardly a reason to marry within a day.”

Mor laughs and grips her hands. “Of course it is,” she says. “It’s a mating bond.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t see anything particularly romantic about some strange bond dictating your life choices,” Andromache says. “I’d much rather be chosen by someone who loves me than have magic make the choice for us.”

Mor frowns. She never heard anyone express a view like that. Most people she talked to saw a mating bond as the epitome of romance. “But it means you belong together,” she says hesitantly. “That you were meant to be together.”

“I’d still rather choose,” Andromache says. She smiles at Mor. “We chose each other, after all. And I wouldn’t change that for the world.”

Mor can feel herself blushing. “Of course, I…” She pauses, hoping that Andromache didn’t take her words the wrong way. It wasn’t what she meant. “I love you.” She leans forward and kisses Andromache on the nose.

She doesn’t say that she secretly hoped for quite a while that her and Andromache would turn out to be mates. That she thought it might fit, considered it to be romantic. She never considered that Andromache might not feel the same way.

The queen tugs her legs up to the bed and snuggles in next to Mor. “Maybe it’s a cultural thing,” she says. “A difference between humans and Fae.” She leans her head against Mor’s shoulder. “I think Miryam would feel the way I do, though,” she says. “Which is why I don’t believe that this is about a mating bond – whether it actually exists or not.”

Mor considers telling her that there’s no way to fake a mating bond, that Fae can sense if it exists, but she is tired of this topic. It makes certain differences between the way Andromache and her view the world become all too apparent and Mor finds that unsettling. She won’t want to be with you forever, not when your opinions differ so much, the voice whispers in Mor’s head. She will realize that deep down, you don’t understand, and she will leave.

Mor shakes it off. She smiles brightly at Andromache. “So there will be a wedding tomorrow?” She asks. “In that case, may I ask for the first dance with this beautiful lady?”

Andromache laughs and leans forward to kiss her.

----

Miryam leaves Erithia at dawn. Tasia arrived from Telique at late evening and brought some of her spare clothes, so Miryam is now dressed in a light tunic and pants. After running around in a dress for most of yesterday, wearing more covering clothes again is an immediate relief. It doesn’t quite manage to soothe the anxiety she feels at her conversation with Jurian, though.

This early in the morning, the camp is still mostly asleep. The guards on duty are at their posts and a few other soldiers are slowly crawling from their tents. Miryam calls out greetings to a few of them.

Jurian is in his tent, which saves Miryam from having to search for him, but also forces her to confront him right away. Remembering his reaction from last time, she knocks before entering. Jurian is sitting at his table. His eyes are bloodshot and there’s something wild in his gaze as he looks up.

“Miryam.” He jumps to his feet, knocking over his chair as he does. “You’re back!”

“Yes.” She tries to smile, but doesn’t quite manage. “There’s something we need to talk about.”

“Of course.” Jurian walks around the table. “I wanted to talk to apologize. What I said last time. I shouldn’t have spoken to you that way.”

Miryam shakes her head. He doesn’t want Jurian to apologize. He had a right to be angry then, and he has it now.

“It’s alright,” she says. Summoning all the courage she can muster, she begins, “I need to tell you that – “

“I was just so angry,” he interrupts. “I don’t know how you could ever suggest anything like this. I’ve always done my work, you know it! You can’t take that away from me.”

Miryam should probably reply to that, try to explain that she isn’t suggesting this to harm him. But she cannot open up another argument, not today. “I know,” she says as soothingly as she can manage. “But this is not what I wanted to talk to you about. I’m going to – “

“And I’m going to fix it all soon, anyways,” Jurian says. “Just trust me. A few days and it will all be fine. You’ll see.”

But Miryam doesn’t want to see anything. She wants Jurian to stop interrupting her, she wants to finally get the chance to tell him what she has come here to say before she loses her courage. It is already getting more difficult with each passing minute. Jurian is done, she sees it in his feverish eyes, in his too-thin frame. How can she put another burden on him?

“Jurian, I’m…” I’m getting married today and I don’t know how to tell you.

“I know you don’t like this,” Jurian says. “But you have to trust me. I know what I’m doing. I have a plan.”

“Jurian, would you listen to me?”

“I’m sorry.” Jurian runs a hand through his hair. His fingers tremble slightly. Miryam wonders if he’s drunk, or if he’s simply so close to the edge that there’s little difference anymore. “I’m sorry, Miryam. But I’m very busy today. I have an important meeting later today, you see, and I need to prepare.”

Miryam shakes her head. “But this is important.”

“I really don’t have time right now, Miryam,” Jurian says. He’s rambling now. “But tomorrow, yes? Tomorrow, it will all be better. And then, we can talk. It will all be fine, you’ll see, just give me a day.”

Miryam is still shaking her head. Tomorrow, it will be too late. She’ll be married tomorrow, and telling Jurian after it already happened will just harden the blow. She can’t wait for whichever idea Jurian is chasing after currently, they have to talk now.

“No,” she says, racing to come up with a way to convince him.

But Jurian is already pushing past her. Miryam almost thinks he’ll leave right away, without a goodbye, but he pauses. Slowly, carefully, he reaches for her hand. She lets him.

“Don’t be angry,” he says softly. “I have to do this. For us, for our people.”

Suddenly, there are tears in her eyes. “I’m not angry,” she whispers, voice breaking. She is so very far from angry. There is a terrible tightness in her chest and she cannot get herself to speak the words she knows she should be saying. “Promise that you’ll be careful,” she chokes out. “I know things between us have been difficult, but I still care. I’ll always care.” She wants to say that she still loves him, but that would come across wrong. She can’t make him any hope where there is none, even though the lack of romantic feelings doesn’t mean she loves him any less. “Don’t do anything stupid.”

“You don’t need to worry about me,” Jurian says. “I’ll fix this. You’ll see.” He lets go of Miryam’s hands and walks over to the door.

“I’ll be back tomorrow!” Miryam calls after him. If she arrives early enough, news of her marriage to Drakon might not have broken yet. She might still be able to be the one to tell Jurian. It might still be fine.

----

Tags: @croissantcitysucks

[bigbeautifulmothwoman]

Family Values Ch. One

Martin Mathias x (S/I) Lena Wilusz

Braddock nightlife is almost non-existent, and that was how most of its residents liked it. A collection of old and new, families and singles. Braddock was religious, intended to be pristine under the light of the sun and quiet in the dark of night.

Braddock was not the best place for Martin to be. Martin Mathias, young and inquistive. Preferred his hair longer but dressed simply. He always felt as though he stuck out like a sore thumb by his mere existence, and as such worked tirelessly to make himself as unassuming as possible. Dressed plain, acted plain; he kept to himself in town, never wanting to make a fuss…

...So he took the night train to the next town over. By train or bus, it was about thirty to fourty-five minutes to Pittsburgh, close enough to be back home in time but far enough that his name wouldn't reach back to his family's ears. The day was for showing Tata Cuda that he was in fact not a monster; the night was to be one.

Stepping off the train in the Pittsburgh station, he found his way into directions towards the bustling center of town. If Martin was any one thing, it was careful. He always got what he needed, safely and how he wanted it. His first nightly adventure in Pittsburgh, he had decided, would be reconnaissance. Just thinking the word made him feel like a man out of the movies- he was already armed with the tools of his trade, packed away neatly inside the small leather case he carried them in. Just in case, he thought.

Just in case.

This night he wandered around town looking aimless, taking note of what kinds of things the place offered. It was already more diverse than Braddock was: a few larger grocery stores, a candy store, a small theater, and a multitude of restaurants lined the streets along with a number of other things to enjoy. Unlike Braddock, there were still a number of people roaming around at this hour; couples and singles alike. Martin finds it strange to see so many people out on an average night, the clock just barely hitting nine p.m. But this was only natural, he was only used to small towns after all.

The man comes to a stop rounding out his investigation back onto the strip of restaurants he'd passed before; his stomach growled. Dinner at his home wasn't always substantial, especially when he had no say in the menu. It was another night with a half full plate of something he could barely stomach. A decent amount of cash tucked in his pocket leads him into the first establishment that catches his eye.

The place was called The King's Tavern. His first thought was that his feet were leading him to some kind of bar, but stepping inside gave him an entirely different sensation. He couldn't understand how a place could look so much like his black white thoughts and yet still make him feel so...safe and comfortable. The entire inside was lit by false lamplight, with wooden tables and chairs. Some corners had booth seating with velveteen lined seats. His first instinct was somewhat correct, there was a small bar space with a woman standing behind it mixing drinks and pouring ales into steins. In this place, everyone else was out of place. For him, it was like stepping back into his own eastern Europe.

Confidence beside him, Martin slides into one of the available booths, still not looking for extra attention. He sat, waited, observed, and he saw her. A woman approached another table just before his. Somewhat petite, a corset keeping her linen blouse tucked against her skin and resting just over the waist of her skirts. An apron was tied around her waist, adorned with colorful floral embroidery in contrast to much of the dimmer atmosphere. Her face is soft but her eyes exhausted, a notepad and pen readied in her hands.

"All I'm saying is, the point is moot if you aren't going to keep everything to fact. No one in the 15th century would be wearing sneakers or have synthetic fabrics."

"Sir please, this is just a restaurant-" The woman tries to keep her cheerful work façade up despite her frustrations.

"It's just a little bit of extra effort, for the true authentic experience." The customer insists. By the look on the woman's face, Martin can tell a nerve has been hit.

"Well sir, the cobblers been ill and price of linen is up. We can make you a meal, but you'll get no women here. Now, can I get you something?" A thick European accent coats over her words, sounding impeccably natural. Martin can see that finally the man in front of him is appeased enough to let her slip from his attention and finally move onto his table. She sighs one more time before him.

"Good evening sir and welcome. Have you been with us before?"

“Ah, no, this is my first time. A-and uh. I’m sorry about...that-“ He says.

"O-oh...Thank you. It's kind of stupid, people seem to get really...annoyed? Irritated? Something like that. They don't even know what it's like there...only ever seen it in books. I'm sorry, you came to eat not to listen to me talk, please, what can I do for you?"

"I only have so much cash...do you have something easy? As, as long as it isn't stuffed cabbage?" He must have said something funny, because the woman chuckles happily at his remark.

"I'll surprise you then. And no cabbage, I promise." She departs as quickly as she comes, leaving Martin to sit in his own quiet. Shifting his fingers, eyes darting between spaces of decoration. His hands itch to dig into his bag and reset the organization of his tools another time, just to ensure they're in their proper places.

He keeps his hands planted on the table. You don't know who's watching, Martin.

He breathes a sigh of relief when the woman returns with a plate of food in her hands and a glass of water.

"I hope water's fine, I forgot to ask what you wanted… I can get you something else too."

"This is fine, thank you."

"Swell! I uh. I hope this isn't too forward but...do you mind if I ate with you? My shift is ending soon and my boss is letting me grab some dinner because of the time...and really I just don't want to sit alone. I-if it's not okay that's fine! I just thought I'd...give it a shot." Martin bites his tongue. Instead of speaking, he gestures towards the seat opposite him in invitation.

"Oh thank you! Let me go get my plate!" She scurries off again.

This was a surprise. Never in all his years, or at least the recent ones, had a woman throw herself so willingly towards him. Perhaps there was something new to him? No, he was sure everything was quite the same when he got up that morning, and no sickness magically changed anything about him. Not that there was any magic at all. Once again, she's back in his sight, another plate and glass in hand.

"I just got us both the same thing. Leftovers of today's rouladen special, leniwe pierogi, and some vegetables. No cabbage, I made sure!" She laughs again.

"I hope you enjoy it." She says.

"Thank you." They both dig in, enjoying their meals in relative silence as life continues around them. Martin is reminded of a past time, sitting at a table in quiet comfort, candles burning and exchanging longing glances sat on either side of the wood between them…

"Uhm...may I ask your name?" Martin wakes from his daydream once again, eyes now fixated on her, blinking slowly.

"Ah. It's...Martin."

"Pleasure to meet you Martin. My name is Lena. Lena Williams."

"...Lena?"

"Yeah...it's Americanized. Magdalena Wilusz, my family is from Poland."

Something somewhere in him felt like a dream came true.

A stout older man approached their table, two glasses in hand. He assumed, and assumed correctly, that this man must of been her boss, and the owner.

"Mr. Kaufmann, what's this for?"

"On the house, dear. You've worked hard this week, just enjoy your weekend off."

"...Thank you sir."

"My boss," she says, "he's a good man, really looks after us. He really is too kind…" She takes hold of one drink, glass frosting with cool condensation from the liquid inside. She takes a drink with eyes closed, sighing.

"It's really good, sweet like apples. Try some!" Martin is unsure what’s been brought to the table, but he trusts her. And she’s right, the flavor is light, crisp, and refreshing. The thought crosses his mind that this is alcohol, and alcohol can make him clumsy and clumsy is not what he needs if he is intending to feed, which wasn’t his intention in the first place with this trip… But the bite of it is only as harsh as cold lemonade in

summer and encourages him to continue swallowing the drink down as he enjoys his meal. The two continue talking, drinking as the evening winds down in the dining room and their food dwindles.

“H-huh, oh dear, its getting late isn’t it...this is about the time the bars start letting out...s-shit- oh! Sorry, I usually d-don’t curse…” Lenas face is molded with concern as the minutes continue to tick down. He thinks she must be worried about the influx of men flooding into the streets…

“I...i could walk you home…?”

“Martin, I couldn’t burden you like that-“

“You’re worried, a-about the people? You drank some and just want to get home safe, right?”

“...Yes. Even when I eat I leave fast...you’re really a gentleman aren’t you, Martin? I’m sure...I can find something to repay you.”

“I-I’m sure you can, if that’s what you...need to do.”

Martin was ecstatic. It still raised a conflict in his somewhat addled mind, but the ease of solving his sickness for one night also held high. As minutes passed on, the facts and choices began to swirl into a haze. Dinner was finished and the plates left to the closing staff. Coats were donned, Martin's bag of tools secured, and on they went with Lena leading the way. She kept herself steady by clinging onto his jacket sleeve, pointing out vague instructions to her home. It wasn't very far at all, if not a roundabout from her place of work. Just under thirty minutes from the restaurant, only taking so long due to their somewhat inebriated states.

"S-see? Not too bad...thank you Martin. You're such a sweet guy…" Lena says, finally arriving at her front door. She's still unsteady on her feet, wobbling just a bit as she stares down at her hands and the concrete steps.

"S-so, Martin...do you… mind if I do something stupid?" The man in question remains silent, merely nodding a positive response. Sure of herself, she plants her lips to his, fisting her shaking hands into his coat.

"U-uh, if that was b-bad of me, I'm s-sorry, uhm...but. Y-you're welcome to come in, j-join me-"

“Join me, Martin."

Echoes of her flitting about dim halls in a white gown guided his hand over hers, turning the handle and letting them both inside. He was going to do this. He was going to do...something. Combined, they bypass the dark living room and go straight through to her own space. Her room is messy, as that of any busy employee's, and gently illuminated by the one wide window with the drapes drawn open. A socket mounted night light assisted the moon in keeping the floor lit. Returning from a quick trip to the bathroom, she stands anxiously by the bed.

"I-i uhm...i-i don't know what to do, I-ive never...brought someone b-back like this…"

"I-its okay. I know what I'm doing. I-i'm careful." He tells her. It's a truth and a lie mixed together, not fully aware of what outcome will occur. Both of them have toed off their shoes, and again Martin guides Lena to her back, on her bed. She's softly cradled by her sheets, and when he rests his forehead to hers, she kisses him.

In the time that Lena was gone, Martin was quick. In moments, he prepared an appropriate dose of his sleep agent, and carefully stowed the exposed syringe inside his jacket sleeve. Knelt over her, he runs his hands up and down her legs, both removing her skirt and seeking out the best spot for injection in her thighs. He finds his chosen location, squeezing gently as she sighs. Again, he kisses her as he maneuvers the needle carefully and pushes down on the plunger. Breathless, her eyelids already begin to flutter.

"W-wha...M-martin, what was that…?" She questions, her voice high and airy.

"Don't worry, i-it'll...it'll make you feel better." Lena, now on her path to sedation, he begins removing his own clothes. First shirking his coat, he gets back up to carefully place the now empty syringe on the beside table, and follows up by then ridding himself of his pants. Next he goes towards her top, fiddling with the ties to loosen and remove the corset over her linen shirt, her own fingers lacing into his to pull the strings apart. He continues to run his hands over her exposed skin as the sedative runs its course through her veins. She sighs softly, the gentle treatment combined with the power of the sedative and alcohol has her eyes barely fighting to keep open. She finally succumbs to sleep as Martin cradles her face and kisses her nose.

“It's all going to be okay…” He promises to her sleeping body. Finally, he’s safe enough to do away with both of their shirts and her bra.

Her skin was perfect, soft. It was of course marred by a cocktail of imperfections: stretch marks, discoloration, one generous scar on her belly. But it was warm and comforting to the touch. He no longer needs to kneel over her, the next step…Without gathering his materials, he lays beside her, pulling her close in imitation of a loving couple.

He is so tired… He keeps admiring her skin. The minutes pass as he tucks her limbs into his own body. In her sleep she takes advantage, wrapping herself tighter around him, fingers coming to rest delicately on his cheek.

Martin was there to be a monster. He was supposed to take and leave as easily as he came, then to never see her again.

Instead, Martin falls asleep.

[lencir]

( NADIA HILKER, 254, SHE/HER ) We opened the gates to the seelie court for GENEVIEVE LENOIR and we are curious to see how the VAMPIRE, that is often described as the tempest, will contribute to the new era ━ are they the hunter, or are they the prey? We will find our answers in due time and until then, we hope that they can keep their little secret from getting exposed. It could be dangerous if everyone knew what we know…

FULL NAME: genevieve lenoir

AGE: 25 (apparent), 254 (actual)

SPECIES: vampire

SEXUALITY: bisexual

BIRTH DATE: dec. 1, 1766

GENDER: cis female

PRONOUNS: she/her

HEIGHT: 5'8″

MBTI: entj, the commander

From what she can recall, Genevieve had an unremarkable childhood. Her father Henri, a French soldier, died from tuberculosis when she was twelve, and her mother, a German midwife named Syele, never remarried. She adored her brother, Félix — a boy nine years her minor with curls so much like her own. Together, they lived in an unassuming cottage in Château-Chalon, a small commune in Eastern France.

Her uncle, a hunter by trade, would visit often, feeding her love for the wilderness. From an early age, she was taught how to listen for animals, anticipate their movements, and, most importantly, shoot. By the time she was fourteen, she could easily outshoot her uncle with the beautiful red oak crossbow he’d made for her. She had the patience of an experienced hunter too, a valued asset when hunting season came around and the town required the thinning of rabbit populations. But, for Genevieve, there was more to life than killing.

It might surprise people to know that she wasn’t always the gruff, stoic figure she is today. She wanted to practice medicine with every fiber of her being and would often stay up at night practicing her stitches. Her mother would often call on Gen’s help, teaching her the skills necessary for a successful midwife. That all ended the night Syele uncharacteristically arranged for one of her patients to deliver in the Lenoir family home.

It was a difficult delivery for both mother and baby, and Syele sent Gen to fetch the village’s other midwife to aid in the delivery. She was only gone for a few minutes, having run the entire way, but she returned to a massacre. The front door had been kicked in, furniture overturned, and amongst the wreckage lay the drained bodies of the two people she loved the most. For years, there had been rumors of vampyre killings throughout Europe. Neighbors would return from travels claiming sightings and strange disappearances. It was out of curiosity-laced shock that she bothered to check… only to find small puncture wounds in the necks of each of the bodies.

Something broke in Genevieve that night. She gave herself the night to mourn and by sunrise, she abandoned her home with only a crossbow and the family’s stallion. Medicine was no longer an option.

She met her mortal end a year later at the hands of nomad clan who had caught her scent just outside of Écrille. They ambushed her horse, slipping a sack over her head and dragging her into the night. For four agonizing nights and five balmy days, Genevieve found herself locked in a cellar. The vampires’ sadistic goal was simple: to punish her. And they dealt the final blow in the form of dripping blood into a just barely conscious Genevieve’s mouth.

She tried to resist her thirst, fought against the temptation to drain the innocent they brought in to tempt her. It almost worked, until the opening of the door blew the fragrant scent she’d longed for into her nostrils.

When she awoke into her new life, the house was empty with only blood-splattered curtains to show for the temporary vampiric guests. Alone and forced to teach herself, Gen stole away to the mountains. She remained in isolation for five months, coming to grips with her newfound immortality while feeding solely on hunters who strayed too far from the village. The adjustment period was difficult and filled with bloodshed. Needless to say, her attackers didn’t survive her vigilante justice once she found them. Killing her sire was painful, but what he had taken from her was worse. She gave their followers a choice: die or join her.

The newly formed clan —named Lamoura for the lake where Gen spent her first months of vampirism— made its way through the French countryside with sights set on Paris. After all, 1792 was a great year to be a vampire, and the violence of the revolution blurred with her own reign of terror; no one had the time to notice all the missing people. She made a name for herself across Europe, becoming known as la femme sanguinaire des boucles.

Neutrality suited Gen best, so the Lamoura would never pick a side in any of the battles they joined. As a result, she attracted the most ruthless members of her kind and had no choice but to enforce order. Those were the bloodiest years, constant challenges of her authority driving her to take more lives than she would have liked. Her form of justice was strict but fair; loyalty was rewarded and betrayal of any sort was unacceptable. The ultimate betrayal being the killing of families. A husband at war? Fine. Following someone home to where they lived with their spouse and child? Banishment or worse. The latter became a less likely punishment as her reputation came to precede her.

The same is true today, which has made her stay at court… manageable. The years have certainly hardened Genevieve, shaping her into the blunt, battle-worn woman she is today. She’s indifferent to anyone she meets until proven otherwise, existing in a moral gray area. She can recognize that she has done things that others might deem distasteful but in the name of survival, who can judge?

Her sense of humor is sarcastic, her form imposing, and she generally does little to discredit assumptions made about her. She’s passionate about the causes she believes in and is willing to give anyone a chance — one chance.

It’s a misconception that she makes rash decisions, especially given her past. On the contrary, she carefully thinks through all of her moves. It’s key to how she’s been able to maintain leadership for over two centuries.

Restlessness is something that has never sat well with Gen, and it shows the longer she stays at court. Where once she was keen to bide her time, she is now coiled and ready to seize any opportunity to escape. She has always been sure in her aims, confident in her, at times, brutally selfish way of life. Like a poison seeping into her pores, the court is slowly starting to change that, and she wants out.

THE GREAT ESCAPE x someone who’s part of her clan – esp. a. someone she’s trying to recruit (she is careful about every aspect of her life, especially who she puts in her inner circle. now that she’s established, she doesn’t want any threats to her authority) b. someone who’s been in her clan for years (either a positive or begrudging relationship) ❛ This rage will lead us through the burning plains. No matter what they say, we're heroes. ❜

AIN’T NO REST FOR THE WICKED x someone with whom she crossed paths during her “bloody” period. she didn’t use much discretion at this time so anyone who knew her then l i k e l y would’ve perceived her as a strong cold bitch ❛ There ain't nothing in this world for free. Oh no, I can't slow down, I can't hold back. Though you know, I wish I could. ❜

VENUS x gen doesn’t have many longterm ties outside of those she believes can help her down the road. that said, this is someone she seriously considered changing her rule for. she has a heart??? ❛ At first I thought you were a constellation. I made a map of your stars, then I had a revelation. ❜

BANG BANG YOU’RE DEAD x she hates this person’s guts. do with it what you may, but this is someone who really makes her wish she was as vicious as the stories say. ❛ I knew all along but I was loathe to believe. There was nothing but spite, fury, and lies in the words that you weave. ❜

hey guys! i’m taylor and i’m super hype to write with all of you :) this is my sarcastic asshole gen –  feel free to like this and i’ll hit you up for plots

[ithinkthingsaboutstuff]

Well I am bored and can’t get back to sleep. So it’s time for a supergirl s5 rant no one asked for.

Now every season has its issues and there were some outside “issues” this season (COVID-19 and Melissa being pregnant) so I will keep that in mind.

That being said.

This season had problems from the word jump. This was for a few reasons.

1- The plot was all over the place

And I don’t mean, ‘oh there was not enough of [blank character] so it was bad.’ No, I mean it was literally jumping between to many elements. Like what was this season about really?

Was it about a new tech environment taking over people’s lives? Was it about an ancient occult power coming out of the shadows to “take” the earth? Was it about adjusting to a post crisis world? Was it about the Luther siblings joining forces to achieve common goal and brainy is a secret inside man?

Now I understand that most tv shows have multiple plot points to follow that’s normal and expected. However, you need to have them meet up in away that is rewarding to the viewer and makes sense for the story that you are trying to tell. And there is an old writing trick called “one step at a time” Basically it boils down to, The audience will only believe one thing at a time.

Eg. You tell the audience this character can only do something in a certain way, (like the sups and the yellow sun,) but then you say that actually never mind this is another way to do it,(like Kara can keep her speed and only her speed under a red sun). This is bad writing as there is no set up or pay off and you cheated your audience by just changing the rules you made for no reason. (Think that kid on the playground that does that “unbeatable force field” thing in a game of tag.)

This can also apply to story concepts this is called a “conflicting narrative” in season 5 this apples to leviathan.

At the start of the season (ep 1 -8) we are told that they are ancient and magical based villains, all good. 

and their big plan is to therefor, of course  *checks notes* to use advice sci fi tech to achieve their goals and do something? with the people inside, yeah that makes sense what else would they use? Magic? that thing the super family is vulnerable to? Nah.....sarcastic’s aside, if you establish one thing you can’t turn in round with no explanation. 

They actually have a good example of this concept working in this season, in ep 10 with Brainy and his changing physical appearance. 

It was set up in the ep early on that our brainy was ‘off’ compared to the other Brainy’s, we get an explanation in the bar scene with the Rath siblings and then it is built upon with a Kara and Brainy scene, then after a build up and a reason (a character based one I might add) it is then and only then that it gets revealed and guess what.... that is hands down the best ep of the season. 

I literally have re-watched that ep so many times cause it’s that good. It is great self contained episodes and builds on per established character moments and plot points (brainy’s character inconsistency and the crisis plot aftermath) it’s the gold standard of what I’m talking about.

it sets up and pays off what it is trying to do and give character base reason for the story. 

But the season as a whole don’t do this effectively because 

2- They focus on making the plot the compliment characters, and not the characters complimenting the plot.   

the blanket term for this is, this is called “build up and release” this is used to drag out tension effectively. there are 2 ways to do this but basically 

1- answer one thing, then that answer leads to another question     

2- give partial answers through out a space of time, to keep attention but not make it the only focus of any given moment.

but anyway,

season 5 has this issue where they bring up a point then either don’t carry it through or don’t ‘step it out’ in a way that leads well to the story.

remember what i said about accepting one thing at a time? now let me ask.

If Leviathan is secret why did they reveal themselves now?

I don’t know and guess what, I don’t care, because the show didn’t care either. they never set up why they came out of the shadows or why that even mattered? so why would anyone care outside of “season’s bad guys”. 

you know what this season did care about the Luther siblings. there is nothing wrong with that per say, I just don’t see why they needed Leviathan if they didn’t actually want to develop them in anyway. If the post crisis season was just about taking down the Luther’s then fine nothing wrong with that.

but here is why they NEEDED the Leviathan ‘plot’ (and i use that loosely) is that they needed it to justify Lena working with Lex and not have her come off as “too evil” that way she can say

“i’m only working with you because I want to get rid of Leviathan” 

instead of 

“i’m working with you because i have the same motives as you”

which would not play well in her “redemption” (and i use that term even looser) they kept an aspect to the story purely to complaint a character they wanted a particular outcome, so they kept a plot element around regardless of how well it actually worked with the story.    

and then there’s the bitch himself LEX (John did a great job tho tbh)

he is the biggest example of ‘plot fitting character’, Lex didn’t fail ONCE the whole season, no problems or surprises and it was “oh so easy for him” like that is just frustrating for everyone, i’m not saying “the hero’s should win all the time” No, but the villains need to earn their wins to. here is why that is an issue if you make it to easy.  

1- the audience wants to see every character have their problems with achieving their goals and how they go about solving the problems as it is and hear me out...entertaining   

2-  when a character always has things “go to plan” it feels super forced, the Human error, is built into us (the audience) as people, so to see it not come into play at all, at any point, feels fake as we all know life don’t work that way for anyone. especially if there are people actively trying to stop you. 

overall you shouldn’t force a plot to fit a character, you should write a character to fit the plot their in (or in other words have them adapted to new situations they don’t even have to do it well) 

Ironically a good example of this in s5 was William

they built up that he was a journalist and that he was hiding something, fast froward and it turned out that he was trying to uncover Leviathan (unknowingly to him) and not apart of them. 

this is a good way for a character to compliment the plot. 

they said here is a new journalist and he doesn’t even know the depths of what he is looking into and that’s a smart move.      

i’m just going to leave this clip here...

this tied in character and plot really well it exampled character and now after this scene they can shift his behaviour and have a reason for it. not just ‘oh actually he was never a jerk and he is nice now’. no it was “he is trying to achieve a goal using this method and now he has been exposed”. This gives a plot based obstacle and character reaction (that failed to work) and it works actually quiet well for a network conspiracy plot.

character completing plot.

and finally 

3- Rushed endings  

now this one is actually treaty to talk about, cause of well the COVID- 19 problems so i can’t be to judgemental about it cause that is a dick move. And on top of that the lead actress (of an action show) was pageant so they had to use he a little less (in fight scenes anyway) so again I’m not going to be a dick about it, and you know i don’t want anyone being forced to work during a pandemic if its not at all necessary. So, i will keep this brief.      

There are still things that fell flat due to being to rushed.

1- the tech/ VR take down.

It was built up for at least 10 eps and they took it down in 5 mins with a pep talk from Kara, like um ok that was easy i guess, don’t know why y’all were worried if you could fix it in an afternoon. this is not a bad plot line in theory, but it was given to much attention for the solution it was given. 

2- Leviathan lady (don’t know and don’t care what her name is) being a robot alien thing.

this one is not too bad? but it was shown way to late in the game and again they didn’t focus enough on Leviathan for this to be of any real audience value outside of a surprise/ shock value. So why should i care now? they barely did anything interesting this season but then you give me something cool 2 mins after it doesn’t matter anymore (with the others bottled). why was this not done earlier in the season? but anyway.   

3- Lena’s “redemption”  

I could write a whole separate rant about this, but for time and my sanity i won’t. but basically, my main issue is that the whole season Lena was spiralling downward and doing worse and worse things to people, and that’s fine from a story pov, but after at least 15 to 17 eps of this and countless bad decisions and judgements she dose ONE good thing and, well that’s all your needed to do, all is forgiven.

now i am all for redemption arcs but one of the main words there is ARC!!!

there needs to be a reflection, apologies, rejections and making mistakes and then truly changing for the better, and still making mistakes!!

it was disgustingly quick and it honestly made me a little uncomfortable. I want to see people grow and learn but people have to earn their own way there. and another thing redemption is not something another person should be reasonable for giving you. (*cough* Kara *cough*)  redemption is something you give yourself through hard choices, personal loses and hard work. and guess what you can do all that and still NEVER get back what you messed up, that was real change and growth is as, 

redemption, real redemption         

comes in the moments when you don’t benefit from it, Lena loses nothing in helping Kara in the end and gains everything she throw away in a minute flat. So, yeah i think it was rushed in a way that made my jaw drop in disbelief because of how badly rushed it was. 

But getting out of that head space.

I like trying to end on a positive note the only part of the ending that was not rushed was Brainy’s bottling of Leviathan, 

it was set up as a thing that be could do (ep 10),it was a hard choice to make (as it was going to kill him) and was given time to feel the full weight of the choice, the Rath sibling hand hold, then Lex taunting him and taking the bottle, and then Brainy being left there alone, Then a bit of hope with Nia’s vision. it was the best part of the ending this season and i want to see more.  that is how you don’t rush an ending let the audience feel the consequences for the character choices with the character.   

anyway season 5 rant over.

[spill-the-milk-tea]

My Thoughts On “A Whisker Away”

Warnings: spoilers, mentions of suicide/self-harm

A Whisker Away could have done better in a lot of areas, but it’s by no means bad, and the plot and overall concept make up for most of its shortcomings. Clearly Netflix is working hard to emulate the Ghibli formula, and while their attempts have all been misses so far, they have been gradually getting closer—and this is a big step away from the disaster that was Ni No Kuni. Better script writers and more time spent on animation is my only suggestion—scripts have always been a struggle for Netflix, which goes hand in hand with my second suggestion, because they’re focused on churning out new content.

Still, I think this would be a great film to show to children and young adults struggling with suicidal thoughts. Having this omen of destruction in the form of a cat, representing Miyo’s constant self-doubt, was actually very poignant. The first time we see Miyo’s mask fall and we see her real, bitter feelings is when she sees the first cat in the movie, which perfectly reflects her self-hatred. The way the Mask Seller speaks is clearly meant to represent Miyo’s inner dialogue, as she is hesitant to protest to them at first, but when they suggest going full-cat, she adamantly tells the voice to shut up.

While a lot of the other messages were sort of thrown in our face, I appreciate that some of the best symbolic ones were kept subtle rather than exposition-dumped on us. For example, Hinode only turning into a cat via his hands keys us into the fact that the cat transformation is dependent on self-hatred. Hinode feels like he’ll never be good enough to become a potter, thus he loses his hands. I actually like that they chose to go this route, as ridiculous as it was, because it subtly suggested to the audience that “becoming a cat” (aka suicide) isn’t a choice anyone can make just based on difficult circumstances.

I feel like the creep-factor on the Mask Seller could have been played up more, but I guess presenting him as this eccentric character that almost seemed to have the main character’s best interest at heart works better for the metaphor. He seemed mostly unassuming and non-threatening, and weird as he was, he made a convincing case. His concept as a villain is actually very cool. This idea that he steals the lives of those who don’t want them anymore, combined with his drug-dealer archetype is very unique. He preys on people who already hate themselves, luring them into thinking their lives aren’t worth living anymore, giving them a taste of freedom through his cat mask (aka self-harm). Once they’re hooked, he convinces them to make the full leap, whether they truly want it or not. The sort of momentary, but ultimately unsatisfying relief of self-harm to a suicidal person is captured very eloquently in the cat transformation metaphor. It’s actually quite dark how Miyo is so adamant about not transforming at first, but in a matter of days, after one particularly traumatic incident, she’s fully committed.

The connection between the feline and depression metaphor got a little messy near the end, but still nonetheless made an emotional impact. The cat believed that by taking someone else’s face, they could show their owner the love they deserved. Kinako showed a clear disdain for Miyo for not showing Kaoru the love she deserved, and sort of acted as this physical representation of Miyo feeling like she didn’t truly belong in the family. Of course, the owner loves them as a cat, not as someone else. The whole cat stealing human lives thing doesn’t play much into a bigger picture past just representing how as much as it may seem like it, becoming someone else or trying to take someone else’s spot won’t make us truly happy. And I think Kinako realizing it’s better to live out her own short life making Kaoru happy was a short but very sweet subplot.

The scene that really touched me most, surprisingly, was just seeing how Yori so persistently apologized to Miyo as she ran away from her. It so perfectly encapsulated the guilt that friends and family of suicidal ones feel when they see this person they care about clearly suffering. Yori clearly had Miyo’s best interests at heart and genuinely stayed by Miyo’s side through all of her troubles, and is a great example of how to be a supportive friend to a depressed person. She never coddled or pitied Miyo, but she was clearly worried when Miyo started acting “off”, and even then tried to stick by Miyo’s side and be supportive.

Muge is definitely eccentric and painfully cringy, but that in itself makes her a realistic teenage girl character (and a neurotypical adult male doesn’t get to paint her valid character flaws as failings on her or the writers’ part damn it.) Her feelings and thoughts start off as seeming very weird and childish, but gradually you come to understand her reasoning the more the movie goes on. Having been abandoned at such a young age, she pushes people away deep down in her heart, thinking that no one can ever truly love her. She was deeply damaged and never felt like she could really trust anyone again, viewing everyone as either selfish or irrelevant (represented by scarecrows.) This at first seems to just symbolize how other people seemingly don’t matter when she sees the guy she likes, but when she transforms her own parents into scarecrows, we see it represents her pushing people away from her. She tries to act like she doesn’t need other people to love her, when deep down, she really wants proof that someone can truly love her despite her eccentricities, as seen in her obsession to make Hinode confess to her.

One of the points in this metaphor I felt was lacking was that they didn’t really address how Miyo’s psychological reliance on Hinode as this perfect guy that would solve all her problems because of his apparent loyalty was sort of toxic? They definitely established it as over idealized and somewhat exaggerated with that whole Cinderella-transformation scene, where you can clearly see that she believes Hinode loving her will solve all of her problems. In the end I suppose it’s countered with her finally being accepted by Hinode and her accepting him in return, and her realizing that’s all she really wanted.

I did appreciate the background noise of Hinode telling the Mask Seller that it wasn’t Miyo’s fault her life was difficult, because it really puts things into perspective. The Mask Seller took advantage of Miyo’s trauma, just as it isn’t the fault of a suicidal person when their negative thoughts overtake them. That’s why we first see the mask seller when Miyo is at one of her lowest points—when she’s with her mother, attempting but failing to overcome her feelings of abandonment as she first begins to shut her out; and having just moved in with her stepmother, clearly overwhelmed with emotional burdens. I also thought it was interesting that they explained her not transforming back as deep down not wanting to be a human again. She still didn’t believe herself as being capable of being loved, and it took her realizing that she needs to love the people in her life first before she can truly start to heal. And it’s true, there’s a difference between not wanting to die and actually overcoming your depression.

In any case, Miyo’s thought process was almost painfully accurate. The way she lashed out at her parents for wanting her to stop smiling if she didn’t feel like it was something I definitely went through. It’s hard to explain, and definitely irrational, but in the most cold and logical sense, being told to give up your coping mechanism by the people who you feel are causing you to use said coping mechanism feels really offensive in the moment. She was using up so much emotional energy acting like she was okay for her parents, so she felt like it wasn’t their right to ask if she was okay. 

It was a really brief, but sad moment when we saw the difference between how she perceived her favorite meal at her house as opposed to when Hinode gave it to her. It wasn’t meant to show that her feelings of depression were circumstantial so much as it highlighted her abnormal mood swings, as well as how the root of her depression, so to speak, stemmed from her home life. And while I don’t agree entirely with how their relationship played out, I cannot agree more that seeing a person you care about suffering from self-hatred snaps you out of your own dark thoughts so quick. Miyo was quick to see Hinode’s good traits and to rationalize that he didn’t need to hate himself, but she couldn’t do it with herself. It took the thought of Hinode also possibly losing his life for her to snap out of her suicidal state of mind. Most suicidal people rationalize that the people around them would be fine if they died, or even preferred it, so Hinode showing through both actions and words that he didn’t want her to “turn into a cat forever” helped her start to value her own life. 

It was a stark contrast between me as the viewer, feeling like Miyo’s transformation was technically Hinode’s fault, and Miyo, who felt like she needed to transform for Hinode’s sake because she loved him so much. Wanting to die because of the boy she loved may seem like a stretch in the terms of the metaphor, but that’s the point. The things the Mask Seller says are inherently illogical, but he says them when the person is at their weakest emotionally, which makes it easier to convince them. In the end, both Miyo and Hinode were able to free themselves of their masks (aka their irrational self-hatred) when Miyo realized that Hinode genuinely wanted to get to know her, and Hinode stopped feeling like he needed to hold back so Miyo wouldn’t see he was a “nobody”. Essentially, being honest and vulnerable with one another.

Overall, I think having this “Mask Stealer” as this antagonist representing suicidal thoughts gives new meaning to the idea of one “taking away their own life” and is actually really eye opening to those who may be facing similar situations as Miyo. The message is cheesy, but the creative way in which they tackled adolescent depression and suicide is worth watching.

[myulalie]

On modern comment culture

First off, I’d like to make the distinction between honesty, and being hurtful under the pretense of being honest.

Hate, be it anon or not, is hurting someone’s feelings on purpose.

You can receive hate and be a hater too. It might be easier, even, to go from the hate you receive on your work, and take it out onto someone else’s.

Here is how I picture a hater's mind: “easy to pour some hate into a comment section, you don't see the person and they receive nice comments. They probably won't even notice.”

Sometimes, constructive criticism, even with your best interests at heart, hurts.

We don’t expect it, it’s not what we meant to write, or we just didn’t worry about how our work could be perceived.

It might be a very European vs American perception of criticism, and I aspire to get better, so the choice I made is to receive constructive criticism (concrit for short).

I wish someone would tell me if I’m writing something that doesn’t work, and why it doesn’t. I wish someone would point it out if I misuse a word.

Positive feedback is great and encouraging, actual comments about what someone likes/dislikes and why is helpful.

Not wanting any concrit is the author’s choice and I respect it. This is the reason I only offer concrit to anyone who told me they’re interested.

I wish concrit was still a thing

Modern comment culture is protective of authors, and there is a general agreement that concrit, especially unsolicited, is unnecessary.

I fully support the fact that fanfic authors are writing for free, so they deserve basic respect for their work.

This doesn’t give them the right to be assholes.

You put your work out there, you have a responsibility to at the very least let people know you’re not interested in concrit, and to disable/moderate comments if you don’t want them.

If someone comes to bug you when you explicitly mentioned you’re not interested in concrit then yeah, by all means, tell them to fuck off.

I think it’s important to let haters know their behavior is unacceptable. As they say, the only way to deal with a bully is to punch them in the face (or make them face the consequences of their actions as a general rule).

The author’s reply to hate tells a lot about them, but their reply to concrit also does.

Being polite should be a given.

And it goes both ways!

Readers are offering concrit for free too, they take the time to do so because they genuinely want to help. They enjoy your story enough to want to interact with you.

I’ve had a lot more comments than usual with kinktober, and I’ve built up a new habit of replying the next day before or after posting my daily take on the prompts.

I am aware that the amount of comments I receive is manageable, and some people have to deal with a lot more every day (like, hundreds).

In my experience, replying to short and sweet comments can be challenging because a simple thank you message isn’t personal enough, and you as a writer don’t have much content to actually reply to either.

Longer comments often open up more possibilities to reply, even if it’s just to let the reader know how you felt when reading their comment.

I believe that no matter how shy or busy you are, copying and pasting a little thank you message isn’t that difficult, and doesn’t take that long. You could even leave a note in each new chapter to let your readers know you read their comments and appreciate them.

Acknowledging readers will encourage them to comment your fics more, and potentially to the benefit of other authors too.

Don’t start fights because of concrit

Readers, please know that a simple heart as additional kudos goes a long way. Saying what you liked or just that you're enjoying the story is really encouraging too!

If you’d like to leave concrit, maybe formulate your comment as a question instead of pointing something out, to avoid upsetting the author.

I’m sure you mean well when you leave a comment, and you don’t want to discourage the author if you like what they’re writing!

If the author is open to concrit, they’ll probably reply to your question and ask their own, which leads to a conversation. Better safe than sorry, offer concrit and wait for them to agree, there is no use in getting into a fight with the author.

A better use of your time as a reader would be to read even more, I’m not getting in the way of your fun, or go and offer comments & concrit to someone who is interested in what you have to say.

As a writer, I guess you can always write more, and maybe thank readers for their kind words!

How to establish dialogue with your readers

Disclaimer: I’m still learning, and the amount of comments I receive compared to my free time is manageable. Before you proceed, please note I asked my reader for permission to use their comments as examples.

Myulalie: I would like to make a tumblr post about comments and include yours as an example.

It's to explain why I value them and how I proceed to reply, because I have strong feelings about author/reader relationships ^^

Would you be okay with that? It's totally fine if you're not, I am asking for permission because I don't want to make you uncomfortable.

Also, if you agree and for some reason change your mind once you've read the tumblr post, I'll remove it, no questions asked ^^

Reader: I don’t mind at all, I know a lot of people don’t leave feedback, for a variety of reasons, so any education in how/why is always important. I’m just glad my comments fall in to the good category 😁

Thanks for asking, you have my permission to use any you like.

The context is as follows: The characters went on vacation and asked friends to pet-sit their cats. I then used the characters’ cats as plot devices for the characters to move in together. A cat hid under the sink and refused to leave, which brought forth the “moving in” conversation.

Reader: Alcohol + other person = trautamised cat and an empty drinks cabinet... which I would be making them restock, oh and embarrassed friends... the cat might want to stay but I know the signs of a traumatised let.. sometimes taking a chance on something turns out to be the best thing in your life, so far, until the proposal

This reader is lovely and has been commenting on every chapter of this story, as well as some other stories. We never had any issue whatsoever and even chatted about their cat.

This is what I consider a good relationship, and when I read this comment I was surprised. I did not expect them to interpret the story this way.

The fact is, this reader is “wrong” because it’s not what I meant when I wrote (nothing happened to the cat, the alcohol part of the chapter is not related to the cat’s behavior).

This reader is also right because this IS what I wrote. The cat is hiding for plot purposes, but the plot also includes the pet-sitters getting drunk. I implied them making out, then regretting it later, thus behaving weirdly around each other, which was meant as comic relief.

I have seen replies to similar comments and needless to say people get into fights over such misunderstandings.

Here is my reply:

Myulalie: I would like to make the official statement that nothing bad happened to the cats D:

Ragnor & Jace's shenaningans were meant to hint at drunk making out and nothing more. The worse thing Church had to go through is second hand embarrassment I promise ♥ I can't bring myself to traumatise Church and I'm glad you pointed out that it sorts of look like something was wrong with him ^^ The only thing "wrong" is the plot device I used to have malec move in together haha :')

I appreciate this reader trusting me enough to point this out and letting me know how they feel.

I think it’s important to be aware of how this can be read. A beta would probably have told me how the chapter looked from an external point of view and suggested writing the same idea differently. As things are, I didn’t have a beta-reader for this fic.

Here is the reader’s reply:

Reader: Lol, good to know, although in my experience cats bring it on themselves, nosy little voyeurs that they are....

See how we solved the problem by simply having a conversation? This is why I appreciate concrit and do my best to treat readers well.

edit: upon checking in with the reader to make sure the post sat well with them, they told me they never meant it as criticism and actually found the chapter funny, their comment was written in a sarcastic manner that I totally missed!

There, you have it. I am full of good intentions and I still miss some of the meaning of the comment!

There was a second comment on the following chapter.

I’ll just mention that one of the cats dipped his paws in a can of paint and made a mess on the wall. One of the character makes a pet account on Instagram to post pictures of the cat’s “artwork” with paint.

Reader: I always love a story that ends on a happy ever after, although I do think alec was taking a big chance tying the rings to the cats collars, especially after the paint incident... we won’t go in to what I think of people having Instagram accounts for their pets, although the paining does sound nice...

This was a very cute story and I’m glad that they found their forever person :grin:

If you don’t get it, this reader and me disagree on pet accounts.

The fact is, they are allowed to express themselves, and they did it respectfully. I don’t think this comment is rude, and I don’t think this reader feels “entitled”. Quite the contrary, they’re polite and felt comfortable enough to let me know what they think.

I didn’t argue with them. My reply consisted in politely reminding everyone who might read this story that this is a work of fiction, and that it’s here for both the reader’s and the author’s entertainment.

Myulalie: Well, I definitely don't recommend doing your proposal this way IRL, fortunately stories are a safe space to make crazy proposals for entertainment's sake :')

I'm glad you liked the ending! Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me all throughout the story, I really appreciated our chats ♥

edit: I thought we disagreed. We chatted again and they told me they don't have IG so they don't see the point of running 2 accounts, which fair. Because I used to run a pet account for my dog, I felt "attacked" where I absolutely wasn't.

One more example of misinterpretation!

I think the only way forward is together.

Authors deserve respect for their work, it doesn’t exempt them from being polite. Readers might need some sort of education on “comment etiquette”, and should be respected in return.

I want this platform to be a safe space for authors AND for readers.

[cassandra1447]

Lucifer 5A Thoughts

Lucifer season 4 was great. It had a nice solid plotline, it had great character development for pretty much everyone, I actually thought the Eve-Lucifer-Chloe triangle was done both purposefully and realistically with reasons why all three of them acted as they did, and just generally felt like a breath of fresh air after the mishmash that was season 3.

I had few complaints - a few but not many. 

I was super hopeful about season 5. Guess what I binge-watched this past weekend?

Me:

Cue rant (under cut b/c there are spoilers aplenty and if you liked this season - please keep scrolling)

To be fair: I have only watched season 5 once. 

Unfortunately, I have no desire to watch it again. 

First of all, the lack of creativity.

Maze betrays Lucifer (again for like the 10000th time)

Michael being a jerkass - I’ll grant them his fear mojo, but could you have reached for any other concept than Lucifer vs. Michael? Or give him something more interesting than an ego-problem to fuel his evilness?

Ella’s boyfriend - look, there’s foreshadowing and there’s eye-rolling, damn it really, this guy is clearly only here to serve a plot point and he’s either going to be the victim or the murderer

Ella deserves a genuine good person and good relationship - WTF did you have to do that to her? There’s no point besides hurting her

It would have been better - and more surprising - if he had been a truly decent person even if the relationship ended up not enduring

And then there’s Chloe...and oh dear...

“Being a gift” consternation

Okay, yes Chloe is allowed to be upset and to be struggling with the divine side of things - in fact, I actually liked how they depicted that in Season 4

But in Season 4, when Chloe’s reactions hurt Lucifer, there’s a clear consequence. It’s part of why he turned to Eve, and there are a couple of excellent moments - the part where he confronts Chloe about neither being an angel like she wants or the devil like Eve wants for instance - that showed Lucifer was coming to understand himself and to stand up for his own sense of self to a degree

This time round, we get a lot from Chloe but little from Lucifer aside from him desperately wanting to be with her and willing to do just about whatever she wants to have that 

And unfortunately, whereas by the end of season 4, we definitely get Chloe seeing past the divine bombshells and remembering that she cares about Lucifer for himself - that progress is completely nullified by the “you’re a miracle” bombshell and I didn’t need to see that again

Also - WTF does Amenadiel’s spiel to Chloe about seeing Lucifer truly work on her anxiety over being made for Lucifer? Did I miss something? Chloe’s upset over this seemed to me to be because of a lack of free will - not that she didn’t know who Lucifer was. Why - when free will is such a major deal for Lucifer - was that not discussed? Why did no one - Lucifer for example - come out and say “Humans have free will. Period. You can choose to walk away from me or tell me to go, and I will. I don’t give a damn what my Father did or wants or intends. It’s your choice.”

The “I love you”

I do not get why Chloe doesn’t know if Lucifer loves her. He may have not used the three words but he literally told her the prophecy (his first love) was about her not Eve. Or what about “I would do it again”? Or any of the many actions through which he’s demonstrated that he cares about her, that he values her, that he loves her. 

And okay, maybe she needs those three words to be 100%, absolutely sure, okay. Then just ask him. How do you feel about me? What do you want from this relationship? Where is this going? You know, normal adult questions.

I’m not expecting Chloe to do emotional labor for Lucifer but if she needs something from him, she needs to ask him. I think that’s fair.

It also highlights a problem with Chloe’s empathy for Lucifer IMO - it feels like she’s once again so caught up in her emotional turmoil, she’s incapable of even seeing his. This is someone who literally just returned from thousands of years in hell, who has a family  had cast him out and treated him like the worst, has been vilified by humanity for millennia, and because of all of this has a low sense of self-worth and has come to believe that he’s a monster - love is something Lucifer literally hasn’t been shown in millions (billions?) and until very recently hasn’t been in a position to express love in return - and you expect him to drop an “I love you” nonchalantly?

Again, it’s okay to have Chloe focus on her emotions rather than Lucifer’s. But if I say something hurtful to someone - even if I’m under duress - it’s still hurtful. I still owe them an apology. 

The “not in relationship” evasion

Despite the fact that Michael lying was such a key factor in Chloe knowing he wasn’t Lucifer and Chloe clinging to the fact Lucifer doesn’t, Chloe doesn’t seem to make the connection that telling the truth to Lucifer is essential

One unaddressed factor from last season - Chloe lied to Lucifer and allowed him to think that everything was fine and that she wanted a relationship with him...and then on what he happily thought was a date almost roofied him (at minimum, who knows what was really in that vial).  Lucifer subsequently found out about the plan - so there’s a historical basis for her to lie to him about how she feels (in order to betray him) -  Chloe, he already thinks he’s unworthy of you, he’s already used to people he loves hurting him - you need to be straightforward with him

This includes not evading (or lying) about being in a relationship with him. 

At least she does eventually tell Lucifer she needs time & space I suppose

Mojo switching

Why? Just why? It happened and then it stopped. What?

Various other characters:

Linda:

Why did we only have like 2 therapy sessions? Why did Linda not get to do her job this season? Her sessions with Lucifer did help him grow - why the hell didn’t she help Lucifer & Chloe work through some of their issues

I don’t like having her plot this season revolve around children. It’s a personal thing I know - but it’s such a default plot device to use with female characters. 

Amenadiel

IDK about the timing of filming for this season but it felt really off-key to have a black man depicted as thinking the best way to make the world safer for his son to be aggressively trying to work with the police. Season 4 had an episode that dealt with the endemic racism in our justice system - why in the hell was that not carried into this season? Why don’t we see Amenadiel protesting or volunteering with a local group trying to address the systematic racism? 

Where the hell did the “reflection” thing come from? I never saw Lucifer’s mojo as reflecting, more bringing to the surface what someone already felt/wanted/knew. And even if I buy that - Amenadiel never had people behaving as if he was reflecting love before. Oh and for Lucifer’s mojo, for it to have a visible impact, he generally has to be intending it to (except for when he’s in his devil form). There’s a few examples in earlier seasons where there’s an indication there’s a low level field continuously but nothing like what Amenadiel had happen in the convent. And doesn’t that give Amenadiel two powers (time + love mojo) while Lucifer and Michael only get mojo? 

Maze

Oh look, Maze betrayals Lucifer again. Never seen that before. 

1 freaking episode with Trixie!!! And it’s also the only episode with Lucifer & Trixie and Lucifer being adorable with Trixie and then - oh, it’s not that Trixie likes Lucifer, it’s that she’s being paid by Maze to get information  (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

WTF does Maze believe Michael? He’s a lying liar who lies. I can’t believe Maze would be that stupid. 

God

Just no. 

Previous seasons seemed to be having the message that God isn’t responsible for your life, you are. Lucifer has a similar realization at the end of season 4. So why are you going to muck that up by making God an active participant???

Other things that bug me:

Lack of LGBTQ+ representation

The old-timey bit doesn’t count IMO - Lucifer gender-flipped characters at Trixie’s request so any LGBTQ+ moments aren’t genuine

Lucifer & Maze are attracted to men and women (no defined label - maybe bisexual or pansexual) but there are no moments where either of them actively show it (or someone of the same gender was obviously attracted to them); I think we get a single line about Lucifer having been with both men & women but that’s all I can recall

Is there a single non-hetero couple depicted on screen (that didn’t have to be gender-flipped)? Seriously. I’m asking. 

Ella’s treatment

Already talked about this - but it was blatantly obvious the boyfriend plot served no purpose for Ella herself, just was a way to get this character looped in for other plot purposes

Chloe’s horrible advice to ignore Ella’s internal alarm bells. I don’t - how - what - yeah, feeds into what I said earlier about Chloe being too wrapped up in her own turmoil to be able to see from even a impartial (let alone another’s perspective)

Azrael! Why do you not use this sweetheart of an angel who has an established relationship with Ella? If you had to do this terrible Ella + bad guy plot, then for heaven’s sake, at least give us Azrael to warn Ella? Or something? 

Lilith was good...but where is Eve? There’s not even a throwaway line of “Eve’s in Madagascar” or show some postcards she sent to Maze or have Lucifer check-in on her and say “Eve says hi” - does Eve still exist? It’s not like Eve understand about “being made for someone” and maybe help Chloe, right? 

The Mock-Lucifer show episode -

 if you have an episode in your show that’s parodying your show...it had better be because you work for a secret government agency and it’s being allowed b/c the government can claim anyone trying to blow the whistle got it from the TV show (Stargate fans out there?) - otherwise, no. 

I know Lucifer likes to use the case-of-the-week to mirror what’s going on with Lucifer and the rest outside of the case - but this is too blatant, to the point it feels condescending

I didn’t actually want to know the story of Lucifer’s ring. Officially at least. Leave me some mysteries please, something to speculate about with other fans, something to develop headcanons for, something to write fanfic about - the story itself was fine, but doesn’t seem necessary

Hell Repercussions

Despite Michael using it as an excuse why “Lucifer” was behaving weirdly, once Lucifer is back, there’s little to no indication of the impact Hell had on Lucifer - thousands of years, and he’s pretty much the same as the moment he left Earth

Could have had Lucifer regress somewhat because he no longer had any support structure, was among literal demons who aren’t good for socialization, and perhaps had to revert to a more violent and vicious version of himself

Could have had Lucifer return to being more hedonistic - which would have been a good point of tension with Chloe - because he was starved of anything good in hell and is now trying to soak in as much life as possible (music, drink, drugs, parties, maybe flirting/dancing)?

One thing I did like was Lucifer talking to a human in hell - could have done something with Lucifer trying to help humans who felt guilty for things which shouldn’t qualify for eternal torment - connecting with semi-decent humans in hell b/c he couldn’t go back to Earth and b/c he has more empathy for them now (although I would argue Lucifer has always been kinder towards humans than other angels - look at the very first episode and how he treated Deliah)

Did no one try to contact Lucifer in hell? Amenadiel could have visited, he could have brought letters or messages from the humans in the know...did no one think of that? To help ease Lucifer’s isolation even in the smallest way? It felt like - as soon as Lucifer left - everyone was just like ‘well, he’s in Hell now, that’s too bad.’

What I did like:

Dan

He’s struggling and he knows it, and he’s trying to be a better version of himself while knowing he’s deeply flawed

The scenes with Dan & Lucifer working a case together are some of my favorites 

While I do wish he had recognized Michael’s ploy - in light of his history of doing something morally questionable “for the greater good” and his current self-examination - his reaction makes sense to me. He’s terrified and he reacts very honestly and directly; I think Lucifer would far prefer Dan’s reaction of just shooting him to Chloe’s reaction that involved her lying to him and allowing him hope only to learn she planned on using his feelings for her to allow her to get close enough to use the poison (and send him back to hell). 

Lucifer & Trixie - loved it (up until the elevator scene at the end)

Lucifer’s very practical solution of marking Michael so they couldn’t be confused - brutal yes, but practical 

This turned out way longer than I thought it would. I could be wrong - I did only see it once so it’s entirely possible I’ve missed something or don’t remember something - and I know we’ve got more episodes to come that may improve the season.

But compared to season 4 which had a tight plot that worked in concert with the character arcs, my initial impression of season 5 is overwhelming disappointment. I expected better than I got.