#that's /deeply/ hilarious in a very specific way

[invinciblerodent]

ngl, i'm getting a really big kick out of having a character that's a cleric to a neutral deity, especially one that's as prone to philosophizing as Arvid seems to be these days.

i like to imagine that he'll drop something like "godhood demands indifference. It requires, in their infinite grace and wisdom, a measure of apathy, as well as cruelty. In our worship, we forgive them for their folly- how is it so audacious for us to merely hope for the same?"

or "for the gods to judge one's actions, that may be prudent. But to judge the value of one's life as lesser than the weight of duty, however divinely imposed... that's no domain of any other than the self."

or "I cannot dole out absolution, and I'm not one to offer empty platitudes about divine forgiveness in its stead. I can only say that whatever the gods think of the kind -or indeed, the amount- of bravery you require from yourself, it means less than nothing", and I almost feel like he needs to glance at the ceiling briefly, just to confirm that he's not about to get holy-smitten.

holy-smote.

lightning'd in the face. you get it.

meanwhile Tempus, whose whole Deal on top of warfare is honorable combat, specifically courage, and not backing down in the face of adversity is chilling up there like

[mostlysignssomeportents]

A Democratic media strategy to save journalism and the nation

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/12/12/the-view-from-somewhere/#abolish-rogan

As unbearably cringe as the hunt for a "leftist Joe Rogan" is, it is (to use a shopworn phrase), "directionally correct." Democrats suck at getting their message out, and that exacts a high electoral cost.

The right has an extremely well-funded media ecosystem of high-paid bullshitters backed by algorithm-gaming SEO dickheads. This system isn't necessarily supposed to turn a profit or even break even: the point of Prageru isn't to score ad revenue, it's to ensure that anyone who googles "what the fuck causes inflation" gets 25 minutes of relatable, upbeat, cheerfully sociopathic Austrian economics jammed into their eyeballs. Far right news isn't a for-profit concern, it's a loss-leader for oligarch-friendly policies. It's a steal: a million bucks' worth of news buys America's ultra-rich a billion dollars' worth of tax-cuts and the right to maim their workers and poison their customers for profit.

Meanwhile, the Democrats have historically relied on the "traditional media" to carry their messages, on the ground that reality has a well-known leftist bias, so any news outlet that hews to "journalistic ethics" will publish the truth, and the truth will weigh in favor of Democratic positions: trans people are humans, racism is real, abortion isn't murder, housing is a market failure, the planet is on fire, etc, etc, etc.

This is a stupid policy, and it has failed. The "respectable" news media hews to a self-imposed code of "balance" and "neutrality" that is easily gamed: "some people say that Hatians don't eat pet dogs, some people do, let's report both sides!" This is called "the view from nowhere" and it gets Democrats precisely nowhere:

http://archive.pressthink.org/2008/03/14/pincus_neutrality.html

Balance and neutrality are bullshit, an excuse that has been so thoroughly weaponized by billionaires and their lickspittles that anyone who takes it seriously demonstrates comprehensively that they, themselves, are deeply unserious:

https://www.techdirt.com/2024/12/10/la-times-billionaire-owner-hilariously-thinks-he-can-solve-media-bias-with-ai/

Press neutrality – the view from nowhere – isn't some eternal verity. In terms of the history of the press, it's an idea that's about ten seconds old. The glory days of the news were dominated by papers with names like The Smallville Democrat and The Ruling Class Republican. Most of the world boggles at the idea that a news outlet wouldn't declare its political posture. Britons know that the Telegraph is the Torygraph; that the Guardian is in the tank for Labour (and specifically, committed to enabling Blairite/Starmerite purges of the left); the Mirror is a leftist tabloid; and the Mail is so far right that its editorial board considers Attila the Hun "woke."

Writing for The American Prospect – an excellent leftist news outlet – Ryan Cooper proposes a solution to the Democratic media gap that's way better than the hunt for the elusive "leftist Joe Rogan": sponsoring explicitly Democrat news outlets:

https://prospect.org/politics/2024-12-12-democrats-lost-propaganda-war/

The country is a bleak landscape of news deserts where voters literally didn't hear about what Trump was saying he would do, and, if they heard about it, they didn't hear from anyone who could explain what it meant. The average normie voter doesn't know what a "tariff" is, and chances are they think it's a tax that other countries inexplicably pay for the privilege of selling very cheap things to Americans.

Ironically, this news desert is also a crowded field of hungry, unemployed, talented journalists. What if Dems funded free newsgathering and publication in news deserts that told the truth? What if these news outlets, by dint of being an explicitly partisan, party-subsidized project, refused to adopt all the anti-reader practices of other websites, like disgusting surveillance, intrusive advertising, AI slop, email-soliciting pop-ups, and all the other crap that makes the news worse and worse every day?

Cooper recounts how this was actually tried on a small scale, to modest good effect, when the Center for American Progress subsidized Thinkprogress, an explicitly leftist news outlet. This was going great until 2019, when corporate Dems and their megadonors killed it because Thinkprogress had the temerity to report on their corrupt dealings:

https://www.thedailybeast.com/thinkprogress-a-top-progressive-news-site-is-shutting-down/

And, Cooper points out, this isn't what happens with far-right subsidy news. Right wing influencers, personalities and writers can stray pretty far from the party line without getting shut down.

I love the idea of a disenshittified, explicitly political leftist Democratic news media. Imagine a newsroom whose purpose is to get its message repeated as widely as possible. It wouldn't have a paywall – it would be Creative Commons Attribution-only, allowing for commercial republication by anyone who wants to reprint it, so long as they link back to it. It wouldn't wring its hands over AI ingestion or whether a slop site that rewrote its articles got to the top of Google News. That's fine! If the point is to get people to understand your point of view – and not to attract clicks or eyeballs – other people repackaging your content and finding ways to spread it is a feature, not a bug.

Back in the Napster Wars, entertainment industry shills – like Hillary Rosen, who oversaw a campaign to sue tens of thousands of children before becoming a major Democratic Party power-broker – used to tell us that "you can't compete with free." That's not entirely true, but it's not entirely false, either. If your news is a loss-leader for a democratic society that addresses human flourishing and a habitable planet, then you can make that news free-as-in-speech and free-as-in-beer, and avoid all the suckitude that makes reading "real" news so fucking garbage.

For the past five years, I've been publishing a newsletter – this thing you're reading now – that has no analytics, ads, tracking, pop-ups, or other trash. As a writer, it's profoundly satisfying and liberating, because all I have to care about is whether people engage with my ideas. I literally have no idea how many people read this, but I know everything people say about it.

That's how the news worked back in the good old days that everyone says we need to return to. Writers and editors measured the success of a story based on how the public reacted to it, not based on clicks or metrics that told you how far someone scrolled before they gave up on it. The supposed benefits of "data-driven" editorial policy have not materialized – the "data-driven" part is the search for an equilibrium between how surveillant and obnoxious a website can be and your decision to stop reading it forever.

Outlets like Propublica have done well by adopting much of this program, albeit without any explicit leftist agenda (the fact that they seem leftist reflects nothing more than their commitment to reporting the truth, e.g., Clarence Thomas is a lavishly corrupt puppet of billionaires who've showered him with riches).

The fact that they've been as successful as they are on a national beat – and partnering with the scant few regional papers to do some local coverage – just proves the point. The Democratic Party doesn't need its own Joe Rogan – they need a nationwide network of local outlets, sponsored by the party, committed to never enshittifying, bringing relevant, timely news to a nation in desperate need of it.

[voylitscope]

This post about fic length came across my dash. It got me thinking about how many truly incredible Stucky fics under 5k I've read — specifically about the short fics that have broken and/or healed my heart.

So, I made this quick rec list of 10 under 5k Stucky fics that are deeply heart-affecting and emotionally devastating.

(There are so many beautiful, moving, and painful fics in this fandom that come in at under 5k. In the interest of keeping this list to 10 fics, these fics are all also canon/canon-divergent.)

💔 Cheat Days | chicklette | Mature | 2,033 words | Pre/Post TWS

Quote I'm unwell about:

Only on the very worst days – when he is tired and sore and hurts all over, hurts inside and out. Sometimes it’s the fight that does it, his need to be held, to be loved after throwing himself on the line. Other times it’s something else - something more cruel – a joke that he knows Bucky would find hilarious, a movie that Bucky would have loved, a book. Sometimes Steve is just so goddamned lonely that he feels like he’s going to come out of his skin. Then he has what he calls a cheat day. A day when he closes up his apartment and uses the coin, and sighs into Bucky’s embrace.

💔 029. Mirror | aimmyarrowshigh @aimmyarrowshigh | Mature | 2,400 words | Pre-War

Quote I'm unwell about:

“I wanna sit at his bedside when he’s sick,” Bucky says finally. “And buy him hot dogs at Dodgers games. And uh… I guess, I wanna…” He exhales and looks down, away from Mrs. Rogers’ eyes. They’re too much like Steve’s and Bucky’s never said this out loud, not even to him. “I wanna get an apartment for the two of us and curtains that close, and I want to teach him how to dance to Cole Porter records. I want to finish all his stupid fights. I want… I dunno. A lotta impossible things.” Sarah’s voice is so soft. “Like what?” “I want to see him grow old,” Bucky mutters. “Right beside me. I want it to be a hundred years from now and look to my right and see Stevie standin’ there.” He blinks away the heavy wetness in his eyes.

💔Not the Needle, Nor the Thread | steebadore | Explicit | 2,017 words | Post-TWS

Quote I'm unwell about:

"Okay, sweetheart, okay," Bucky whispers, running his thumbs over Steve's brow, his wet eyelids, down that bumpy, ungainly nose--the only physical evidence that Steve is a flawed human and not a figure cut from marble. If you asked Bucky what he loved most about Steve, he might say something like his goddamn earnest heart, or those too beautiful-for-spacious-skies eyes, but really it was this: the bump on Steve's nose, put there by Bucky himself, age eleven. Selfish, maybe, but Bucky never pretended to be otherwise these days. He doesn't know why the serum didn't fix that--Bucky likes to think it couldn't. Steve always said how it didn't change anything, just amplified what he already had, and what he had was Bucky's mark on him, down to the bone. This one's mine, it said. You cannot have him. Not the whole of him.

💔Through the notches in your spine | caughtinanocean | Explicit | 4,460 words | Post-TWS

Quote I'm unwell about:

Maybe Steve was right to worry, and maybe he's not ready and—he's breathing too fast, and Steve's going to notice any moment now, going to stop and leave. Steve lets go of Bucky's hand to stroke the side of his face, tender and soothing. He leans in to give Bucky a soft kiss on the lips, and Bucky doesn't feel so panicky anymore. He's with Steve. Steve is inside of him, as close as someone could be, and nothing bad could ever come of that. Bucky wills himself to focus on the moment, to watch Steve's face, soft with affection, to relax and enjoy this. “'s like it's my first time all over again. How many people get a shot at that twice?” Steve groans. He looks flushed and giddy and bright, and Bucky's inordinately proud that it's his words and his body making Steve glow like that. “I'm gonna make it way better for you this time.” “Our first time was bad?” Bucky asks, trying not to sound crushed, even though he feels it a little.

Steve traces Bucky's jaw and down the line of his neck to caress his chest. “No, our first time was perfect. We had no idea what we were doing, but it was perfect.”

💔A History of Birds | OddityBoddity | Not Rated | 2,580 words | Post TWS

Quote I'm unwell about:

“I don’t remember,” he says. Steve holds his breath. “I don’t remember telling anybody about that.” It’s like there’s something stuck between his lungs, like something’s pulling them apart in his chest. “You mean about the bird?” he whispers. Bucky looks at him. Not staring, not really, but looks at him like Steve’s looked at paintings before. Like he’s trying to work out how it’s done. “That little bird,” Steve says quietly. When he speaks, he speaks like the words are a spell or a prayer. Like the words are going to reach into Bucky the way his name once did. Like they’re going to catch his arms and pull him up to safety. This secret they both kept. Something so little, so inconsequential that no one has touched it.

💔You Will Meet a Stranger | spitandvinegar | Mature | 3,081 words | Post-TWS

Quote I'm unwell about:

"Steve," she says, unruffled. "He needs someone who'll look at him without pining for who he used to be."

Steve sets his coffee cup upright again. He mops up the mess with a napkin. "Honestly," he says, "All I ever pine for is for him to look back."

💔This is the place | dharmashark @dharmasharks| Explicit | 4,654 words | Canon divergence

Quote I'm unwell about:

With a metal hand there, under the small of his back, Steve might as well be weightless. It’s terrifying. For Steve to be so fragile in ways that Bucky isn’t, and might never understand. But Steve has never been afraid, has never shrank away. Not ever. Not even when Bucky could have—when he would have—when he almost hurt him—Steve had only balled his fists and locked fierce, red-rimmed eyes on his. Steve is fragile; he is unbreakable. Bucky’s memory is full of contradictions.

💔i've seen my share of trouble and i've held my weight in shame | inevitablemeow  | Teen | 4,166 words | Post-TWS

Quote I'm unwell about:

Bucky is a ghost, still, in the wind so far they haven’t been able to find him. It’s been six months since the helicarrier, and Steve hasn’t lost hope, not fully, but he’s slowed his search. Seeing this heart, knowing that all the others are his, has that hope roaring back to life. They’re his. They’re all for him.

💔sorrow sings a song in me | unicornpoe | Teen | 4,425 words | Post-TWS

Quote I'm unwell about:

Bucky’s note is on a thick piece of cardstock, and the words are a little more steady, this time. STEVE, IT HELPS ME TO READ THESE THINGS. I THOUGHT IT MIGHT HELP YOU TOO. I MISS YOU. I WANTED TO CRAWL UNDER THAT BLANKET WITH YOU, BUT I DIDN’T KNOW IF I SHOULD. I DON’T THINK I’M GENTLE ANYMORE, AND I WANT TO BE GENTLE WITH YOU.

💔more than anything | jehans | Explicit | 2,938 words | Pre-War

Quote I'm unwell about:

Steve is a reckless asshole who Bucky loves unconditionally and wholeheartedly, and when Steve is quietly undoing him in their bed, loving on him openly and indulgently the way Bucky doesn’t always let him, it becomes difficult to keep pretending that Bucky wouldn’t go to the ends of the earth for any of Steve’s whims. But mostly, what makes him so honeyed in these moments is the way Steve transforms. When he climbs on top of Bucky, all of Steve’s usual, too-close-to-the-surface anger drains out of his eyes, clearing away into pure blue skies of utter adoration. It’s an honesty that Bucky cracks under, breaking open the clay of mundanity and allowing him to shine brightly under Steve’s hands.

Fic rec series

[rootspiral]

I was rewatching the end of WandaVision recently and I was struck by the parallels between Wanda and Vision's last kiss and Agatha and Rio's, with how both Wanda and Rio are left standing frozen, hands outstretched as if they're still holding their lover's face even as Vision dematerializes/Agatha slowly falls. I just think it's kind of interesting how the two shows echo each other in so many ways. This isn't really a question lol I just remembered while reading your posts and thought I'd share.

There is a lot of intentional rhyming between WandaVision and AAA, you're absolutely right. Even down to the structure of the episodes and overall arc, we start with hilarious little episodes and then the comedy gives way more and more to big scale tragedy. (And I suspect the two last WV episodes would have been much angstier if not for the stupid CGI battles they were forced to add.)

Wanda/Vision and Agatha/Rio exist on the same narrative wavelengths, they are doomed from the start and yet you root for them because they are so so deeply in love - despite the happy ending being so completely unlikely (Vision is a figment of Wanda's imagination, Rio is literally Death) we leave them at the end of the show with a glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe they'll meet again and things will work out. Like I said, it is rhyming and it's intentional, there are some very specific themes that Jac and Co. set out to explore.

I find it funny though that despite the parallels between Agatha/Wanda and Rio/Vision, one couple works so well together while the other is such an egregious dysfunctional mess. The endings are complementary, but on one hand we have Vision and Wanda being so sweet and reassuring and helping each other through this horrible ordeal. Like, Vision is so suave and wise, "stands to reason we'll say hello again" etc. Meanwhile Agatha who cannot talk about 1 (one) feeling without screaming in terror kinda just... sticks her tongue down Rio's troath and dies. The icon, the legend, the clown she is.

[tac-the-unseen]

What the Lost boys think about vampire related media

Fluff, x reader but just barely

•While making conversation with your four Vampire lovers you were suddenly plagued with a question.

“How do you guys feel about vampire related media?”

-That question was an immediate head turner. The cave goes dead quite before Dwayne speaks up, “Well…vampires are in hiding so…”

-This sparks a conversation about how media representation of vampires may not be accurate, but that's a good thing. “If a book or movie comes out and it is shockingly accurate to what being a vampire is really like, the creator isn't going to last long.” David explained

-That's because there's a set of rules vampires have to follow and one of those rules is to never publicly reveal your double life identity

-”If something like that comes out, that means a vampire has broken that rule OR somebody knows vampires very closely and is creating media they know shouldn't exist.”

-Turns out if a vampire breaks that rule it's basically open season to kill and destroy their creations.

•You turn the conversation and begin to ask how they, specifically, feel about certain vampire representation

•Bram Stoker's Dracula

-Dwayne is the first to buy in his opinion.

-Dwayne feels that while it is a cult classic and well written, The characters are exceedingly dumb.

-”Johnathan spends a ridiculous amount of time talking about other characters ‘Breasts’ and trying to figure out why his host climbs walls ‘like a lizard's.”

-David is the next one to speak up

-David thinks it's not really worth the read

-”Unless you're trying to brag to people there's no point in reading it.”

-”Also why was Mina talking to that old sailor so much?”

-Paul laughs as he remembers “how fucking crazy he wrote Dracula to be”

-”I'm pretty sure the real Dracula thinks it's a heinous crime against him”

-Paul hasn't read it but have heard enough about it to know even the more obscure references

-Marko comments on the graceful writing style and the beautiful descriptions

-”I've only read it because Dwayne thought I would like it"

-Marko also loves how oblivious Jonathan and most of the other characters are

-All of them think the movie adaptation is hilarious and love the shitty special effects

•Interview with a vampire

-Paul chimes in immediately

-”God it's so homo erotic it hurts…in a good way.”

-Paul thinks its a nice horror novel mixed with a weird cozy atmosphere

-Dwayne thinks it's another well written classic and He actually begins to rave about all the themes involved within Anne Rice’s work

-”It's a beautiful Gothic thriller with a deep, sadly comedic energy.”

-He even offers to read it too you sometime

-Marko chimes in quickly about “Claudia’s rebellious behavior and persona”

-”imagine watching your family choose somebody else over you. It's so deeply upsetting but to an understandable level.”

-”I would have hated to turn so young. I look like a teenager and other people can respect that to a certain point. But being five years old with the mind of an adult, No one would respect you.”

-Marko relates to Claudia on an internal level and loves unraveling her character. When you ask why he quickly responds "Some people call me a cherub... You think I enjoy that?"

-David says he doesn't have much to say other than it was a decent read (That's his version of a compliments)

•Twilight

-All of them agree that it's laughably horrendous

-Almost immediately at the same time they say “This is the skin of a killer Bella”

-This leads to banshee like laughter

David speaks up immediately

-”Why do you humans want us to sparkle so bad?”

-”I personally hate the idea of being a walking disco ball, but to each their own.”

-Marko chimes in quickly

-”Would you like it if we sparkled?” He asked while leans on you affectionately

-Marko thinks the only reason to read it is to have a nice laugh

-”Why did Edward have such a violent reaction of Bella standing by a fan? That makes no sense…like I have mates and I enjoy the smell of you guys but…I'm not nearly clawing off my face at your smell”

-”Yeah yeah, I get he's trying not to overreact but running out of class to get away is crazy.”

-Paul even adds that even thought it's very dumb even he can appreciate the message it's trying to said.

-”something something, coming over adversary, something something, love wins, something something..”

-”Also that Jacob imprinting on Bella's infant daughter is super fucking creepy.”

-when you asked Dwayne about his feels he scoffed and said It's insulting at best and borderline sexual harassment at worst.

-He refused to go into depth

•You thank them for humoring you and they tell you that it's no problem

-David kisses the side of your head in an uncharacteristically soft way “We don't ever mind answering your vampire related question.” He tells you

-Marko turns to you “But seriously do you want us to sparkle?”

-”I think I have some roll on body glitter somewhere..” Paul says while getting up to look for it

Thanks for reading <3

[etoilesbienne]

out of curiosity, what are the common qEtoiles mischaracterizations, and the accurate characterizations you wished people used more? Sincerely, an English speaking fan who is re-learning French!

honestly i kind of consider it a mischaracterization when people like... make etoiles into this team leader who always knows what to do and move things forward. or like that he has a bad attitude to like... match his fighting skills. or like the dark knight brooding warrior. he says he is these things. these are lies. he lies about himself constantly. i wouldnt trust a good 2/3 of the things he says about himself to be true. you read him clearer through his actions than his statements.

in my opinion etoiles is more like. sturdy second in command. he's not there to lead, he's there to fill in the holes where they pop up. he's there as cover. he's quick witted in shortchange scenarios, but that is so not the same thing as a genuine strategist. in another expression, if someone is a leader, the leader is a doctor, etoiles's role is more like... the EMS team in an ambulance. He's not there to fix your problem, he's there to keep your problem covered until you can get someone else to fully fix it. but that doesn't mean his role is any less important when he's needed.

Etoiles is also, like, so very much a team player if he respects and trusts a person. And it is so easy to have his respect and trust. His trust starts at 100% for everyone. he's also so very very very good at reading people (gesture to the bbh clip where bbh moves his mouse slightly downward and etoiles calls him out on being depressed). He read Mousey as enjoying dungeons and pvp way more and wanting to hang out with her. He's also one of the only people who like continuously runs in the girlies group and makes all of them pvp with him and they all love it so he keeps coming back to pvp with them. Thats how he started his whole thing with Tina and pvping with her constantly. Reading other people also, he loves finding other pvpers so he attacks roier constantly now bc he knows roier can pvp.

What else OH Etoiles loves whining (and this is because Rayou loves whining) that dude will just complain constantly. You haven't seen an etoiles stream if youve never seen him whine. Can't say I'm not kind of endeared by it. With this too he loves over explaining things (RIP armor powerpoint wish you couldve been given...) because he wants to help everyone....

OH and he's very over exaggerated too in replying to people in a complaining way and a self deprecating way and also likes to try to push the envelope with people and he does all of that to try and get a laugh out of others. like he's well aware people find him going "Oh so you don't give a shit about me and want me to die ? you want etoiles to die ?" fucking hilarious and also loves complaining in the first place thats why he does that. if your etoiles isn't complaining and whining then it isn't etoiles. the self deprecating thing is... its interesting bc he does have full faith in his abilities but will never say it out loud unless its trying to reassure someone who is worried. pushing the envelope is so specific he won't do it too much and its like........... from what ive seen (correct me if im wrong) heavily directed at non francophones where if they laugh at something wack he's done he'll try to do it again to make them laugh more. shoutout to the time he made bbh laugh so much when he cursed he didn't get languaged by bbh so he kept cursing to try to make bbh do it again. the dudes a total people pleaser.

smaller thing ive talked about extensively already (u can prob find it in my q!etoiles tag if i remember i'll edit a link to the posts in here soon lol) etoiles hates losing he looooooves winning he's very intense about it lol. its cute!

on a final note even if you don't become deeply unwell about etoiles like i am i think this highlight clip video has like everything he's like condensed into like 11 minutes. You should watch it. It's a good starting point.

[cookinguptales]

The power is still out so I guess I’ll get started on that meta now.

One thing that I think is really fascinating about this season as a whole is that it’s really, really emphasizing the power Nandor and Guillermo have to accidentally hurt each other. It’s kind of fascinating, tbh, because this whole show it’s been Nandor purposefully but also accidentally hurting Guillermo — but this season, it’s been very much the other way around.

Let me start with Nandor’s history of this. It happens in almost every episode, being honest with you, but two of the clearest instances were in 1.01 and 4.09.

In the very first episode, we’re introduced to the relationship that Nandor and Guillermo have by how they behave on their 10th anniversary as a master-familiar partnership. Guillermo is practically giddy at the idea that his beloved master is finally going to make him a vampire, and he’s hurt deeply when he not only does not do so, he appears to have forgotten altogether how long Guillermo has been there.

We feel bad for Guillermo here, but… well, let’s look at it from Nandor’s perspective. Yes, he forgot how long Guillermo’s been there, but… being real with you, the vampires seem to have a very shaky grasp on time at the best of times. They don’t understand human lifespans at all, they have very fuzzy memories for when things happen, and almost every time they make time estimates they’re off by a hilarious amount. I don’t know that we can fully blame Nandor for not realizing that an entire decade has gone by — he, like the other vampires, tends to live simultaneously in the Long Time Ago and the Right Now and any time in between those periods is ?????

So to him, he’s remembered when their anniversary is (already a success) and has put hours into making a handmade art project for his very endearing familiar. He is sure that Guillermo is gonna love this. He thinks he is absolutely acing this being-a-vampiric-master thing.

But we know that his gift depicting the two of them as vampires together is really just rubbing salt in the wound, because we’re approaching this thing as humans — like Guillermo.

Then again in 4.09, Nandor straight-up steals Guillermo’s boyfriend and inadvertently puts the events in motion that will lead to Guillermo’s boyfriend leaving him for his own clone. Terrible behavior! This hurts Guillermo deeply! His very first boyfriend cheating on him (sort of) with the man he’s been in love with for over a decade and then leaving him altogether for another man he is cheating with (definitely) who also happens to be his own clone.

That’s traumatizing!

But… again, let’s look at it from Nandor’s (very stupid) POV. He knows that Guillermo losing his boyfriend will hurt him, but he also wants to have said boyfriend. So he comes up with a solution that, to his mind, will make everyone happy: let Guillermo keep his boyfriend but also make a clone of him so he can have him, too.

I think it’s very important to note here that, catty as it was to say, Nandor was right. He definitely could have stolen Guillermo’s Freddie without too much work. The guy’s a philanderer. But instead of doing that, he used up one of his last three wishes to make his own Freddie specifically to avoid hurting Guillermo. And then he seemed genuinely confused when Guillermo was hurt anyway. He then tried to do whatever he could to make Guillermo stop hurting, including offering him his own Freddie, until he ultimately gave up a toy that he truly loved so Guillermo would hurt less.

Again, from Nandor's POV he has made a significant sacrifice for Guillermo’s well-being. He has given up a man that he really, really liked so Guillermo would stop being so heartbroken. Moreover, this is a man that, to his mind, he got the hard way instead of the easy way that would have hurt Guillermo more.

So he still thinks he’s doing great at this relationship, even if we know he is ultimately breaking Guillermo’s heart.

(And as an aside here, I think it’s fascinating that Guillermo really did seem to understand exactly what was going on, too. He knew that Nandor’s decision to clone Freddie wasn’t about Nandor wanting Freddie, it was about Nandor wanting all of Guillermo’s attention on him at all times, and that’s why he was angry.)

Anyway… that’s all a really long way to get to my point, which is this. We’ve seen Nandor play this out a hundred times, doing something he thought was fine only for it to devastate Guillermo. We understand human lifetimes, relationships, and emotions, so we understand why Guillermo is upset. But, and this is key, Nandor doesn’t.

So season five finally shows this happening in reverse. I’m not going to say that Guillermo hasn’t hurt Nandor before, purposefully or otherwise, because he has. But boy did he really fuck things up this time.

Like Nandor, Guillermo didn’t do any of it on purpose. He was never trying to hurt Nandor or upset social norms when he paid Derek to bite him. But vampiric priorities are as foreign to Guillermo as human priorities are to Nandor. He did something he thought was totally fine and value-free only to find that he didn’t just transgress a social norm, he transgressed the big one. He didn’t just do something that would hurt Nandor, he did something that will destroy him.

He didn’t mean to. His misunderstanding was understandable to us, fellow humans. But that doesn’t make it okay. Just like it wasn’t okay when Nandor stole his fucking boyfriend.

It's almost like this was tailor-made to force the audience to think about how the vampires have been interacting with Guillermo for years. This time Guillermo didn't know something about their culture, and obviously we didn't either. So we felt that same dawning horror when we understood how big the accidental fuck-up was — and we had to come to terms with the fact that this is how Nandor feels about Guillermo all the time.

Anyway... Guillermo’s big angst trigger seems to be being undervalued by the people he loves. It’s when someone who he loves with everything he has does not love him back. We see that devastation hit him both of the times that Nandor accidentally hurt him in this post, along with a thousand other times. I think, in fact, it is his main drive as a character: doing everything he can to be valued. It’s why he wants to be a vampire. It’s why he serves the vampires. It’s why he lies to his family. It’s depressing and it’s codependent and it’s unhealthy, but that’s Guillermo.

Nandor’s big angst trigger, on the other hand, seems to be abandonment. He is so fucking terrified of the people that he loves leaving him, and that seems to be rooted pretty firmly in his experiences when he was still alive. (Jehan, his wives running away, etc.) He’s so scared of Gail leaving him that he just tries harder to win her back when he discovers she’s cheating on him. He’s so scared of Laszlo leaving him that he gets angry when Laszlo makes new friends. He’s so scared of Guillermo leaving him in 2.08 that he’s willing to humiliate himself to bring him home. His primary drive really seems to be hoarding the people he loves close — too close for comfort sometimes. He tries so hard to force a connection that he ironically tends to sever it. Just look at his poor descendent Madeleine. :’)

And just as Nandor constantly sets off Guillermo’s devaluation trigger, Guillermo constantly sets off Nandor’s abandonment trigger. Every time he leaves or even just threatens to do so, Nandor goes ballistic. But it seems like the only thing that sets him off more than Guillermo leaving is Guillermo staying where he is but being emotionally absent. He doesn’t know how to handle a Guillermo who has replaced him while they’re still living in the same home. Right now he thinks that Guillermo has replaced him with Laszlo as a hang-out buddy, and that’s bad enough — how will he respond when he finds out that Guillermo has replaced him with Derek in a much more intimate way?

Guillermo’s doing everything he can to spare Nandor’s feelings in this season, but it seems like every decision he makes just upsets Nandor more. Nandor feels replaced, abandoned, and neglected, and he’s going to feel that way a hell of a lot more when he sees the truth.

Guillermo has always been shown to be capable of hurting Nandor in intimate ways that no one else can. From the very first episode, we’re made abundantly aware that Guillermo chooses to take Nandor’s shit. He twitches that curtain to the side and we realize that no matter how strong Nandor is, Guillermo has the ultimate power in this relationship. Guillermo can hurt Nandor like no one else can because Nandor trusts him to protect him while he’s asleep.

Then Guillermo becomes this legendary slayer and he can actually physically hurt Nandor like no one else can just because he’s stronger than even the most powerful and respected vampires in the Tri-State Area.

But we’re seeing now that Guillermo can also hurt Nandor emotionally like no one else can. Nandor gave him that power, too, didn’t he? This whole series, Nandor has been the one hurting Guillermo over and over, but this season is making it so fucking clear that Guillermo has the power to do it right back. Even if he doesn’t mean to.

Especially if he doesn’t mean to, maybe.

The two of them are so terrible at communicating with one another. Just. So fucking terrible. And that’s a lot of how Nandor accidentally hurt Guillermo over and over throughout the years. And it’s how Guillermo has just straight-up gutted him now.

[violet-moonstone]

highlights from "searching for oswald...and chicken"

wow I loved this episode...I feel like I say that every time but I REALLY REALLY enjoyed this one

first of all its a Dagur episode, which automatically makes it great...most of the screenshots I took are of him. Honestly all of his dialogue is very quotable, especially since so many of the jokes they give him are thinly veiled adult humour

also the B plot with chicken was certainly something (and makes me think the writers were thinking about the end of the hidden world while writing it?)

ok so the beginning of the episode was already tugging at my heartstrings. I love seeing Dagur and Heather's sibling relationship, whether hey're arguing or getting along.

Well that's deeply upsetting! and the fact that he said "most of his life" makes me wonder how much of the confidence Dagur displayed as a teenager was a cover for whatever he was dealing with internally.

The part where Dagur hugs Heather and she looks happy but almost surprised was very bittersweet. It seems like she's still getting used to having a family, and affection catches her off guard.

Excuse me while I go cry

Call me deranged but I think Dagur slamming Snotlout against a cage was hot

As always, Hiccup is adorable. Literally looks like a cat

This is funny but also very upsetting! Snotlout and Dagur really make a habit of using humourous line delivery to cope with being deeply unwell:

*clears throat* uh yeah Dagur, I'm sure you do love a good "fruit bath," from time to time if you know what I mean...

Come on, the writers, animators and voice actor HAVE to have known that line came across as suggestive. Like the way he sounds? His facial expression? They may not have intended it to specifically imply he was talking about getting in a sauna with some twinks, but it certainly sounded like something sensual was going on.

Also I didn't get a shot of this but when Dagur starts listing adjectives to describe Heather's reckless behaviour, Hiccup says "Sentinel" while looking at Oswald's journal. Dagur says something like "that's not quite the word I'd use," which makes me think Dagur was going to call her a not so PG word...

Snotlout staring directly at the camera while narrating Tuffnut's emotional breakdown in the style of a pun-loving mystery novelist:

What an asshole (I love him). there's something really funny about Tuff leaning against the tree with a hand on his hip. Poor guy. Astrid and Stormfly were clearly less amused than I was.

Ok let's talk about Hiccup motivating Dagur to open the door to Oswald's shelter. My little Dagcup heart was really soaring here. And look at the lighting!

LOOK AT HIM! LOOK AT HIS FACE!

Oooohh man, Dagur expressing guilt about his past and Hiccup trying to help him through it also really got to me.

Dagur: I was a villain!

Hiccup: No, you were a kid

Me: *crying*

Because yeah, Dagur in Riders of Berk/Defenders of Berk did horrible things, but he was also enabled by all the adults in his life who could have stepped up after Oswald left. I've already written (both in posts and in one of my Dagcup fics) about how being thrown into a dungeon as a kid only made Dagur a worse person (no one in the show talks about the scars on his face that weren't there before...). And There is clearly an opportunity for restorative justice when it comes to characters like Alvin and Eret that wasn't extended to Dagur despite the fact that they had already overpowered him and could have at least given him a choice between punishment and trying to make up for his actions. Anyway...let me not rant about that anymore.

Ok what's next...oh yeah! Astrid doing this:

Hilarious.

Um...ok so...I needed to screenshot this for uh...reasons. It's the um...the composition and the...the lighting and...yeah. All that stuff.

THE DRAWING OSWALD DID OF DAGUR AND HEATHER AS KIDS

oooooohhh my heart!

Look. At. My. Boy. He looks so happy and at peace after reading his father's letter.

Ok so again...the writers making very interesting decisions for Dagur's lines.

Dagur being funny and a little concerning again

I liked the colour scheme for this Gronckle

More Dagur appreciation.

Before the episode where Fishlegs helps Dagur fly Shattermaster, I would have assumed Dagur would make fun of Fishlegs for being a nerd -- but instead he appreciates it. I think their friendship is super adorable, and I wish we got to see more of it.

Fishie! He calls him Fishie! (I ship them a little sometimes tbh) I can see Dagur having a thing for nerds.

hehehe

and uh, let's close off with hiccup being hot and windswept

[shxxxbi]

EVERYTHING THAT WASN'T INCLUDED IN LOVE SEA THE SERIES 🌊

Episode 3 (Chapters: 8 - 12)

<-prev next->

Writer's block

Tongrak is staring at his work, unable to write. The character in his novel is desperately in love with another man, willing to do anything to get that same love in return and yet Tongrak can't seem to proceed. The only thing he can think of are the words he had heard shortly before: "TongrakMahasamut". They had shaken him deeply and he couldn't help but consider the situation hilarious. Not only he thought the boy who had pronounced them was ridiculous, he also found himself ridiculous for writing a scene like that.

"Why would people be willing to do anything just to get love from one person?"

Vi's scandal

Vivie is a rising star, who has been the main actress of many successful dramas. Therefore, anything about her life is always gossiped about by the public, especially how she managed to act in so many works. For example, her first acting job was based on a story written by Tongrak, so the public wasted no time in speculating she had gotten the role thanks to their relationship. This time, the scandal is about her and her very famous co-star Frost.

Little trivia: Frost is Prapai's uncle, the actor Sky loves in "Love in the air". Also, he's the main character in the novel "Love Director", where he falls in love with an intern called Paint. Vi complains about the two men being head over heels in love, so much so they disappear every time they get a break on set.

Horny Mut🍆

In the novel, this scene takes place the night before, after Mahasamut warns Rak about the storm. He had just come home, wet from the rain after securing the equipment and the boats, when he gets this text. Mut is frustrated, constantly worried about the writer's feelings after their conversation on the boat, so he decides to take a shower to distract himself. As soon as cold water touches his body, however, all he can think of is Tongrak and realizes he is more affected by that man than he thought. He had slept with other guests in the past, but no one had left him with such a strong sexual desire. So much so that, over the past week since they met, Mut had to release himself several times because of the pretty man. He stroked himself harder and faster, as his mind got filled with images of soft cheeks he wanted to kiss again, a smooth neck he wanted to lick, and those sexy moans that still echoed in his ears.

"Mut, hurry up"

"Fuck me"

And he was done.

"He was addicted to Khun Tongrak"

I feel like giving someone a good smack to teach them a lesson

For three days Mahasamut had become addicted to his phone. Because for three days, the message he had received was always the same: "I'm busy, don't come". On the first day, he decided to let it slide. On the second day, he still somehow accepted that "his pretty one" could act this way. But on the third day he lost his patience. Because, contrary to the writer, he hadn't forgotten when Tongrak was scheduled to return to Bangkok. And he didn't like the thought of Tongrak going back home one bit.

A change of scenery

Mut lost his patience to the point he barged into Rak's room, saved his work, slammed his laptop shut and dragged him away like this. The two fight for a bit and, when Mahasamut finally convinces Tongrak to get on the bike, the older man can't resist giving him a whack on the back.

"Don't hit me, please"

"Why, does it hurt?"

"No, I'm worried you might hurt your hand"

Rak bites his lip so hard it hurt. He never thought Mahasamut would speak about him with so much concern.

The night sky🌌

Even though he liked watching the many stars scattered above, twinkling like diamonds, he liked the feeling of that warm body embracing him more. Specifically, he liked the scent that came from it: clean, mixed with the sea's fragrance. Rak loved perfumes and owned countless bottles of famous brands, but none of them made him feel as flushed or made his heart beat as fast as Mut's scent.

"It just so happens that I'm a lover boy"

(Let me start off by saying that this chapter is called Mr. Delulu. I wish I was joking)

Tongrak shivered at these words. He didn't like this feeling. It was something he had never known and never wanted to know. His instinct told him to flee. He'd never wanted love, never desired it. And yet a soft voice in his head asked "Really? Haven't you ever been envious of friends who were in love?"

He rejected this voice with a fact the brought him comfort. He had bought all of this with money. So he forced himself to believe that everything that had happened between them, everything that was happening right at that moment, was nothing more than a transaction between a seller and a buyer. No feelings involved. Nothing to expect at all.

"You want me to buy love?"

🌶️

"You can start working now"

They took a wild nc away from us, not gonna lie. One where Mut pushes Tongrak's shirt up to the writer's mouth and stuffes it with it to devour his chest. One where Rak begged to be licked, sucked and bitten hard. Where Tongrak gets fingered hard while he's on all fours on the sand, moaning heavily, and Mut kisses him hungrily after saying "I love hearing your voice, but not today". Tongrak panted heavily, rubbing the large bulge in the younger boy's pants, "Do it faster, take it out already". The two men crazy with desire for the other.

"If you fuck me well, next time I'll use my mouth"

"Even if I don't do well, you'd still want to give me head anyway"

They took away from us Mut fucking Rak while pressing down on the bulge of his dick on Rak's belly. Tongrak moaned so incessantly, Mahasamut had to push a finger in his mouth to shut him up. It sent the writer over the edge, collapsing on the sand as he released. But this didn't stop our island treasure, because he penetrated Rak deeply once more, confirming his belief: Tongrak liked to be filled continuously, even after climaxing. So they fucked for hours, Mut turning into a wild beast, to the point where Rak lost count of how many times he had been taken.

Sumchamgo love dive✨

Yes, they were actually naked here. Yes, they went to wash themselves from all the cum, the lube and the sand. It's not explicitly said, but I think the wording suggests they fucked again in the water🤸🏽‍♀️

A cuddly kitten

Tongrak invites Mut back to his room and then hides away in the bathroom. He blushes at the realization that, for the first time, he had invited a man to his room just to sleep. Better said, to cuddle. Something he only seeks from his close friends. But now he wanted it from Mut. As he walks out of the bathroom he meets the younger boy's eyes and notices he is staring at the multiple bites on his neck and chest.

"Does it hurt?"

"If I say it hurts, will you stop sucking and biting?"

"No, your skin is too soft. It makes me want to bite."

"Will you take me there?"

The real reason our pretty princess wants to go to Mut's house is pettiness. During his previous conversation with Palm, the little shit asked Rak "You've never been to his house? Oh, you two are so close. Thought you'd been there already". And that was it. Tongrak was dead set to go there. He tried to force himself not to care, but he couldn't fathom the thought they knew every mole on each other's bodies and yet he had never been to Mahasamut's house. He didn't understand the feeling of wanting to get to know someone better.

Little trivia pt.2: Mut's house is actually a two-storey house. On the ground floor there's the shop, where he offers diving tours to tourists. He co-owns it with his japanese friend Ken, who also regularly sends him big groups of clients. On the top floor there's his house. Tongrak describes it as "nothing he had ever seen before": it was a small room with a mattress, a tiny wardrobe, a bathroom, a broken fan and a storage cabinet.

🌶️🌶️🌶️

Let me tell you, this nc was WAY wilder in the novel. Even wilder than the one on the beach. Tongrak wants to "offer himself up to Mahasamut, and have the other man take even more". Even poor Mut was hesitant, worried his butt would still be sore and swollen from the night before, but the older man kept on insisting: "I'm ready. It'll be easy to enter". That poor storage cabinet got baptised. More than once. It saw Rak getting his ass licked, sucked and fingered. It saw Rak getting his front pushed against it and get fucked raw from behind, while crying from pleasure. And once he'd unleashed the wild beast, there was no stopping it. He climaxed so many times, he couldn't stand anymore, Mut had to scoop him up and cage him against the cabinet as he kept on fucking him. Thrust after thrust followed, Mut was so lost in his desire he couldn't stop. He kept on apologizing to Tongrak but the only thing the writer managed to say was "Kiss me, please give me a kiss".

Ask me if I can stay

His heart was beating so fast, he feared Mut might hear it. Yet, Tongrak didn't understand himself when he uttered that sentence. He should've been happy it was time to go back home, to see his friends again."So why? What was he hoping for?". Mut, on the other hand, felt disgusted at himself for even suggesting such a thing. No one had ever indulged him, not even his own parents, so why should Rak? But Tongrak did. He accepted. He even allowed himself to be embraced, despite the heat, the sweat and the one broken fan in the house. He layed there. Cuddled in Mut's arms.

I have a secret. Do you want to know what it is?

As they cuddled on the bed, the two men started sharing stories about their lives. Mut told Rak about his father, about how they fought and he had to leave home at barely 15 years old. His father never goes back on his word and his mother was never one to have a say, so his parents just acted as if they never had two sons. They focused all their love and attention on Mut's younger brother, who had always been very obedient to their father, and boasted to everyone about how he had gone to university on the mainland.

"Do you pity me?"

"What if I say I do?"

"It's good, pity me more. That way you'll grow fond of me".

In exchange, Rak confessed to Mut his biggest secret, the one only few people knew about: he couldn't write unless he had sex. Not just sex scenes, but sweet scenes and dating scenes in general. He had no concept of love, never experienced it and never understood it, so he considered sex the closest thing to it.

"That's also considered as love, isn't it?"

"So, does that mean you love me? Since you're making love to me"

"I don't know".

And Rak really didn't. He knew he had never submitted to anyone like this before. But was it love? He was definitely infatuated with Mut, that he knew. That was also the reason he wanted to stay on the island. He hoped that feeling would go away.

[utilitycaster]

This question is entirely in good faith: I’m currently watching campaign 2 for the first time, and you’ve said multiple times that you are a mighty nein girlie above all else. I am enjoying it, I think it’s fun and characters are great. But I find myself preferring campaign 1 more. I know this is a minority opinion as everyone loves campaign 2, but I just can’t really find myself embracing it the same way. What is it that draws you about the MN?

So I do want to preface this with the statement that I think it’s extremely valid to prefer Campaign 1 to Campaign 2. Plenty of people whom I respect do! The Mighty Nein happen to appeal to a lot of my sensibilities specifically but I don’t expect it to appeal to everyone else in the same way.

I also want to note that while it's true Campaign 2 is the fan favorite, firstly, the correct response if you prefer something that isn't the fan favorite is to commend yourself on rarified taste, and secondly, statistics are a funny thing. It's worth remembering that what you see as the Critical Role Active Fandom mostly doesn't include people who dearly loved Campaign 1, didn't like Campaign 2, and drifted away entirely in 2018; whereas people who loved C2 and didn't click with C3 are a little more likely to be around just because it's been less time and because there's more non-main-campaign stuff to hang around for (ie, people who haven't kept up with C3 might still have watched EXU Calamity or Downfall, or might be interested in Midst or Candela stuff, or are hanging out for TLOVM/Nein Animated reasons). You are not seeing Every Person Who Ever Liked Critical Role; you're seeing this segment in time.

ANYWAY. Getting to the actual point, I think Campaign 2 is my favorite because I think I take a fairly holistic view of fiction. I have my favorite characters and ships and themes and all that, but it is difficult for me to enjoy something if I don't enjoy a significant portion of it. I can't just watch for one blorbo, because the character should feel deeply rooted in a world, and have a plot that engages with who they are. This is what drew me to D&D and actual play in the first place!

Campaign 2 is the CR campaign that, in my opinion, achieves this to the highest degree. Hilariously, if you see the campaigns as a trilogy, while usually the middle of a trilogy gets slammed for being all moving pieces and no resolution, that actually works out great for a D&D game. Campaign 1 had the responsibility of introducing an entire world that was being built as the game went on (and introducing the players to TTRPGs); Campaign 3 is the realization of all that plot set up. Campaign 2 gets to explore, build out the world, and delve into characters who are inextricable from their setting, and that's what I love.

I started with Campaign 2, but decided to start catching up on Campaign 1 concurrently as I watched C2 week to week, and I started this quite early and finished C1 in about 4-5 months, and I happen to remember that I watched C2 episode 12 and an early Briarwoods Arc C1 episode back to back, and at the time, I preferred Campaign 1. Campaign 1 has its rocky starts, but the cast had already found their characters (even if the mechanics were being ironed out still) and there were very clear tasks. Early Campaign 2, while I still enjoy it, has a lot of milling about and aimless fucking around, and, understandably, the cast is still figuring a lot out. If you put, say, the Nein in Alfield next to Vox Machina at the Briarwoods Banquet? Yeah, one of these is stronger.

The thing is, that aimless fucking around led to character moments, which is the absolute heart of why the Nein are my favorites, and why I think many others love them as well. Without a clear mission or benefactor, this party had to figure out an identity and what they wanted to do, and in doing so, we got incredible moments between pretty much every party member. Vox Machina has no shortage of incredible conversations, but, for example, Keyleth and Scanlan just straight up don't interact one-on-one very much. You can't point to something like that in the Nein. I also think the fact that none of the characters knew each other terribly well helped with this. I've brought that up to contrast with the bonds in Campaign 3; it's not a bad thing to have a person your character comes in with and knows well, but much as I adore a twins conversation, the reason those conversations are so good are because Vex and Vax both spend a lot of time with other people as well. With the Mighty Nein, everyone has to do that because really, with Yasha gone half the time and then with Molly's death early on, we've got Fjord and Jester (have known each other like a month longer than anyone else) and Caleb and Nott (six-ish months and they're both hiding a lot.)

I really do get if people prefer that Vox Machina has two clear missions (with plenty of fuck around time built in) to start, the show-stopping Briarwoods arc next, and then the Chroma Conclave, especially watching after the fact - I am not sure how C2 is if you binge it vs. watch week to week, and it may suffer from a binge watch whereas C1 honestly might benefit. But the payoff is so great; you do not get the interpersonal relationships the Nein eventually have with each other without that early need for them to set their own direction.

Moving on from there, I love the setting of Wildemount and how much slow travel there is (which, to be fair, Vox Machina didn't have because that was all pre-stream; the Nein started teleporting at level 9 and Campaign 1 starts with the party at level 8). I love, as I mentioned, how tied to the continent everyone is and how relevant that is to most of their stories. I do think Molly's abrupt and unfair death early in the story is a crucial part of who the Nein are, and serves as a defining moment that is impossible to replicate but is very meaningful to me.

Also, and this is getting into some very idiosyncratic stuff: I love wizards and clerics and paladins and we get all those. I like gruff or overly formal characters with tragic backstories and good hearts and that's most of the party (unsurprisingly, Vex and Percy, in that order, are my favorite VM members). As someone who is constantly fighting the "Dump WIS not INT" fight, the fact that the Mighty Nein is fairly smart and has multiple characters specifically interested in history and politics and lore is right up my alley (the twins and Percy and Scanlan in C1 serve a similar purpose, and the fact that C3 doesn't have anyone really like this...shows).

I also like that the Mighty Nein are never famous, and I think some people don't like that. For all they are heroes of the Dynasty and end up with connections in the Empire, they aren't council members or tied to anyone specific, and this floating mercenary nature means they are setting their own pace. The only part where I think things get frustrating after some of the rockier early days is when they're hunting down Obann, and that's only a few episodes. While Molly's death is a defining moment, what is honestly a more defining moment is a few episodes earlier, when they decide against the multiple institutionally-backed job offers and decide to take a couple of jobs that will get them out of the city. I think it was jarring for people used to Vox Machina, with their duties to the council of Tal'Dorei, who dedicated a third of their campaign to saving the continent from dragons; but the Mighty Nein's greatest duty is always to each other and to becoming better people. The focus is always on them. Yes there are fetch quests, yes there are NPCs who give them some unavoidable tasks, and yes people use the term "player agency" in weird ways all the time; but the Mighty Nein are, I think, the zenith of what a player agency driven campaign can be. The story is, above all else, theirs and theirs alone.

I don't know if there will be a Campaign 4 - I'm a bit more sanguine about the prospect than I was earlier in C3 - but for what it's worth I don't think Campaign 2 is irreplicable. Or rather, it can't be replicated, obviously, but I think they could do another campaign that is deeply tied to its setting and lets the party choose their own adventure in the same way. It just takes a little more prep up front, and a little more flexibility once it actually starts. If there is a campaign 4, I really hope they do it in that same style.

[wizzard890]

is your objection to mists of avalon because marion zimmer bradley was a monster, or is it just the book itself? (i haven't read it since i was a teenager, and for whatever reason the warlord chronicles made more of an impression on me when it came to modern arthurian retellings-- idk if that's better or worse)

Oh, I hated the book well before Marion Zimmer Bradley was revealed to be a detestable sex criminal, for reasons entirely unrelated to her real-world crimes.

However, some Mists of Avalon specific crimes include:

Writing a book that is not so much a story as a tedious polemic about how yonic egalitarian ~Celtic~ paganism was destroyed by the brutal militant power of Christianity and the penis, an idea that was both stupid and deeply academically dated by the time of Mists of Avalon's publication.

Her characterization of Guinevere, which is to this day the most misogynistic portrayal I have ever seen, including 14th century and Victorian depictions.

I use "characterization" lightly, since most of the people in this book are dull mouthpieces for ideologies, or a meager assembly of one to two personality traits, especially the men. (Morgaine is the most special princess of all, so she sometimes gets up to three personality traits!)

The male characters are paper dolls, which is an issue when you're re-telling the Arthurian saga. When you're doing a feminist retelling of the Arthurian saga it's actually an even worse issue, because:

She isn't a creative enough writer to take liberties with plot (something this book has in very short supply), so she's stuck with the framework of the legends, which usually involve women attempting to trick or compete for the male characters. Unfortunately, as perviously stated, the male characters are not good, so you're left with a bunch of women backbiting and fighting and risking it all for some interchangeable dipshit, which doesn't reflect well on them. For a book that's all about how women belong to some sacred and beautiful vagina sisterhood, the female characters in this book sure spend a lot of time hating one another for being prettier than them.

It's too long. It's two hundred and thirty six pages longer than Hilary Mantel's Wolf Hall, widely praised as one of the best books of the 21st century. We simply do not require all that, Marion.

Saint Patrick catches the stray of all time here; he's ported over to England for some reason, becomes Arthur's personal confessor, and boy he just hates women! The worst, those women!

Needless changing of people's names. Lancelet? Come on.

The reduction of early Christianity (and medieval Christianity) to basically whatever your personal childhood priest/pastor said that bothered you is an absolute epidemic in genre writing, and it's all over this book. The poster child for "he would not say that" but "he" is a bunch of monks on Lindisfarne.

This isn't a cardinal sin, but if a story is all about the tides of Goddess-blessed pagan freedom and ~sexuality~, then the sex scenes should be good, right? Like, these are thematically load-bearing, they need to hit. In a turn of events that everyone saw coming if they've read this far, Mists of Avalon is a "big, meaty phallus" sort of book.

That's not all, but I'm tired of thinking about this dumb story now and frankly it's a crime that Arthur, Lancelot, and Guinevere have a three-way in this book, and it neither fixes everything or makes anything worse. Mists of Avalon: a radical reimagining that never meets a novel idea it won't squander.

[rosetterer]

the "hurdle" being a health thing is interesting for buck specifically (assuming it is not just a red herring, that is) 👀 he had to learn that his job ends right at the entrance of the hospital in season 1, and that was contrasted by bobby, hen, and buck visiting chim in the hospital after the rebar incident, forming the firefam as we know it. hospital visits are for family.

& given buck's backstory and how his parents were deeply traumatized by hospitals, thus never visiting buck when he was in them, to then seasons later seeing buck's parents being in all family hospital scenes? that is very important development. even if the show loves to be campy and unserious, it still tries to have a message. tommy openly addressed that he knows how the 118 is constantly in the hospital in season 7. the question is: is he willing to stay even when things get hard and ugly? (the answer is yes, but i am excited to see the execution).

the next episode will probably be hilarious, but i hope sm that there will be small serious moment to acknowledge the implications of it all in some way that proves that tommy is part of the family and that bucktommy is growing stronger! ❤️🤞🤞

🤞

[artsycrapfromsai]

Random details on Amaryllis as my Tav and my BG3 playthrough with her:

🌸 she's romancing Astarion, and has no idea. She just thinks he's neat. He thinks she's an insane, weird, bleeding heart, yet somehow that's getting to him. (It was the embroidered art of him). I imagine he falls for her first, and he has no idea what to do about it bc none of his experience works for her. That said, she's going to eventually return his feelings and be a lot more awkward/shy when she does

🌸 she and Gale are nerd buddies who talk for hours and hours about nerdy magical shit, or history stuff, or gods and goddesses, whatever can be found in a book. Probably end up discussing how to send a bear flying at mach speed with stackings of haste and other magical items

🌸 Amy likes Shadowheart and wants to braid Shadowheart's favorite flowers into her hair and have a like a spa day together

🌸 Karlach and Lae'zel both, ah, very bluntly propositioned her and spooked Amy senseless (this is what happens when you have a demi-sexual n demi-romantic OC who gets aggressively flirted with)

🌸 Amy has decided to run, hide, and avoid them for a while bc of this. I imagine when Karlach specifically propositioned Amy at her bedroll, Amy was so startled she immediately started rolling away and right over the campfire, completely ignoring the fact that she was now on fire. (She just misty stepped away from Lae'zel)

🌸 (i imagine Amy ran to Astarion after this, wide eyed and frazzled and going "HELP" lol and after, they hung out in the woods doing embroidery to relax, while Astarion mused on how it's probably a good thing she didn't realize he tried propositioning her too, or else she might have been scared away. Also him musing on how she enjoys spending time with him enough that she'd rather just embroider stuff with him than have casual sex with people)

🌸 Despite that, she does genuinely like Lae'zel and Karlach a lot, and enjoys sparring with both, and making cute plushies with Karlach

🌸 Amy thinks Wyll is kinda silly and goofy, but earnest. She thinks his horns are funny and wants to make decorations for them

🌸 Halsin deeply reminds her of one of her dads (who, coincidentally, was also an 8ft tall, beefy, middle aged nature loving elf)

Speaking of-

One way I'm viewing the playthrough is that Amaryllis from her main campaign got bonked on the head into a coma and got isekai'd, with amnesia, into the game story

A lot of the characters are hilariously very similar to characters she knew in her OG campaign

I think those initial similarities are what drew Amy to everyone, and they're why she was so immediately comfortable around people that she should have probably been more wary of (Astarion), but as time passes that all fades as she gets to know everyone more personally

[literaryvein-reblogs]

I hope this doesn't sound confusing, but is there a way to strike a balance between using "simple" words and "complex" words? Like, trying to write something that isn't too simple or too verbose.

I think context is the keyword here.

What I do is I just write using my current vocabulary, so that I'm able to convey what I mean as accurately as possible. And if I want to sort of elevate my writing, that's when I might swap out some simpler words with more "complex"/poetic words, or maybe even phrases. But I make sure I'm using the appropriate vocabulary. How do we do this? I'm just going to copy and paste here an excerpt from this writing resource to answer this question:

It’s important to use words and expressions that fit the context so your meaning is clear. For example, different audiences for your writing will require different levels of formality: the vocabulary you use in an academic essay may not be effective for a blogpost targeting a popular audience. Consider the following questions to help you choose the most appropriate words for your audience and purpose. a. What’s the exact meaning of the word? Words may be broadly similar in meaning but differ in important aspects of that meaning. Consider the difference between ‘the fragrance of flowers’  and ‘the odour of rotten eggs.’ Both words refer to the sense of smell, but fragrance has a positive core meaning while odour has a negative one. If you don’t know what a word exactly means, check it in a dictionary. Also look up sample sentences that use your "complex"/fancy word, and see how it is actually used. But, once you truly know what a word means, wordplay can be your friend. b. Is the word attached to a feeling? Compare the two sentences: ‘The freeway snakes through the town’ and ‘The freeway meanders through the town’. In this example, snake indicates negative feelings about the freeway while meander doesn’t. c. What level of intensity does the word show? Many words with similar meanings describe different degrees of the same quality or action. For example, ‘comical’, ‘hilarious’ and ‘side-splitting’  show different degrees of funniness. Think about the intensity of what you want to convey when choosing words. d. Is the word formal or informal? Go for formal words and expressions in business communication and academic writing. In the following examples, the second expression in each pair is more formal than the first: (1) come up with / create (2) one after another / at regular intervals (3) huge / considerable (4) enough / sufficient e. Is the word polite? Words which describe negative qualities or sensitive issues too directly can be offensive. Good communicators consider the feelings of their audience. For example, when writing about childhood obesity, it’s more appropriate to use ‘children with weight problems’ or ‘children of an unhealthy weight’ than ‘fat children’. f. Is the word specific or general? Use words with specific meanings whenever possible to make your message clearer to your audience. For example, avoid overusing general verbs such as ‘be’, ‘do’, ‘have’ and ‘get’, especially in academic writing, as they don’t accurately convey specific ideas. It’s better to use a more specific verb or verb phrase to strengthen your message. Compare the impact of the verbs in these sentences: ‘To be successful, learners need to have high-level literacy skills.’ ‘To be successful, learners need to develop and demonstrate high-level literacy skills.’ g. What other words does the word often go with? Some words are frequently used together and therefore sound more natural in combination. This is called collocation. For example, we say ‘fast train’ not ‘quick train’, but ‘quick shower’ not ‘fast shower’. Similarly, it’s more natural to say ‘highly critical’ rather than ‘deeply critical.’ Additionally, be aware of idioms. Idioms are commonly used word combinations or expressions. These have very specific meanings that are not obvious from the words they contain, e.g. ‘a piece of cake’, ‘get the hang of it’, ‘an Indian summer’, and ‘after a fashion’. Many dictionaries list and define idioms if you look up the component words. For example, try looking up ‘Indian’ or ‘summer’ to find ‘Indian summer’.

But if you have a wide vocabulary that people have difficulty understanding you, maybe you can do the opposite of this and swap out the too complex words with simpler ones, haha!

Lastly, when you read through your work whilst editing, ask yourself: Does this sound natural? Does it sound like your literary voice? Do you recognise yourself in this written work? Or do the simple/complex words you've inserted sound too unfamiliar?

Hope this helps, dear Anon. But if anyone has a better answer for this, do let us know.

[hetalian-veteran]

Hetalia Feels Like Home

I initially sat down to write something that would be a quick and easy read. Something you could read in a minute or two before you continue scrolling. But the more I thought about what I wanted to say, and everything that ties into it, the more I realized that this was going to be a much longer post.

I want to talk about, what else, Hetalia. But more importantly, I wanted to talk about how this show, and by extension, it's fandom, has not only left a massive impact on my life, but me as a person. I have a lot to say here, so strap in.

I'm going to start by explaining where I was in my life when I first watched the series. Then I will move on to explaining what I liked about it and how it entertained me. I'll also go into the different interests and fascinations that branched off of it. After that I'll discuss my seven-and-a-half-year hiatus from the fandom and what it's been like coming back.

Like many fans, I was a tween when I got into Hetalia. Specifically, twelve years old, and just barely into middle school. And for a number of reasons, this was the first time in my life that I began to seriously struggle with my mental health. While I don't feel comfortable divulging too many details, I will say that my homelife growing up was fairly chaotic. I understood that plenty of other kids out there had it way worse than me, but I can't say I was doing too well either. (Sidenote: me and my family are doing great now, in case you were wondering).

At the beginning of sixth grade, I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and PTSD all in one fell swoop. This, on top of things at home, was already a lot for twelve-year-old me to handle. And having to deal with the stressful changes that came with a new school and puberty was the watery icing on the crummy cake.

As mentioned in a previous post, it was a new friend I made that introduced me to Hetalia. You can read about it here, but in short, I was sent into the show completely blind and found myself both lost and confused. I initially decided the show wasn't for me, but after some convincing from my friend, I gave it another shot. I returned home to watch the show again and tried to have an open mind.

And it was then that it clicked for me. This show was about events in world history and geopolitics. And the countries of the world were all being portrayed as their own personified characters. Greatly stereotyped characters, to be sure. But it was still an interesting concept. One that was new to me. Not to mention, after I got over the initial whiplash and understood the abnormal flow of the almost non-existent narrative, I discovered something. Not only was this bizarre show a comedy, but it was freaking hilarious! I remember sitting at the computer laughing my head off with every episode. When I finally understood how the show worked, it became a fun, wild ride.

And more importantly, it made me happy. During a very dark time in my life, right at the beginning of adolescence, I found a show that managed to make me smile. All during a time where I felt like I forgot how to.

And then I discovered the fandom.

Now, I was not new to fandoms. As someone who grew up deeply invested in the Warriors series in elementary school, and who happened to have access to the internet, I was exposed to fandoms at about the age of ten. Heck, probably even earlier, seeing as I am from a family full of nerds. But the internet definitely gave me a much more immersive way to interact with fandom.

I don't know exactly how I found the Hetalia fandom specifically, just that I loved finding and reading fanfiction, as well as looking at cool fanart and headcanons to add to my Hetalia board on Pinterest. But goodness, if the show hadn't gotten me totally hooked on Hetalia content already, the fandom certainly did.

Now, I made it a point to not be social online growing up. Mainly because I managed to be socially awkward not only in real life, but on the freaking internet of all things. Not to mention my elementary school teachers showed us videos about the dangers of talking to strangers online as a kid, and that scared me straight. As a result, I never talked to anyone online about Hetalia. I was part of a Facebook group, but that was it. Instead, I was just lurking around and taking in all kinds of fan content. And it was the fan content that really dug its claws into my brain, as this is how I learned about all of the fanon.

I saw all the different ways people interpreted the characters, and all the different ways the characters could be depicted regarding different ideas and concepts. Once I realized how versatile the characters could be in fan content, my own creative brain went into overdrive. While I never posted anything, I found myself creating my own fanart and fanfics. And without realizing it, started to construct my own versions of these characters in my head. Characters that began to feel more personal to me individually. As if I knew them.

But Hetalia didn't just get the creative juices flowing. As is the case with many fans, I became deeply invested in world history as well. I wanted to know everything there was to know. I began watching WWI and WWII documentaries frequently. I found myself researching the formation of Europe after school for fun. I endlessly researched the history between Austria, Hungary, and Prussia. I became deeply invested in learning all I could about the Kingdom of Prussia and the Teutonic Knights. It got to the point where my mom got me a book on the entire history of Prussia in seventh grade, and I was over the freaking moon about it!

Hetalia also managed to get me interested in my ethnic background and where my ancestors are from. I began to research my ancestry and was ecstatic when I learned that I potentially had family that hailed from the Kingdom of Prussia. I also got super invested in learning about all the cultures that made up my background, and since then I've been learning all I can in an effort to connect with them. Especially since as an American, that's a part of me I'd often felt disconnected from. Hetalia truly inspired me to dig into my family's history!

Not to mention that the character songs for Hetalia absolutely slapped. A lot of them are certified bangers, and you cannot convince me otherwise. Songs like 'Aiyah 4000 Years', 'Mein Gott', 'Pub and Go', and many others would play in my brain on repeat.

Ah yes. Hetalia truly had me in its grasp. I was deeply obsessed and invested in Hetalia and so much of the content within the fandom.

I mentioned earlier that there was a lot going on growing up, and that I struggled with some pretty severe mental health issues for a tween. The reason I felt the need to bring that up was because I genuinely feel as though this played directly into why I got so into Hetalia. In a world where it felt like everything was falling apart around me, Hetalia gave me a reason to laugh and smile. It gave me new creative outlets to further explore. It helped create new interests, hobbies, and passions. It gave me characters I came to deeply love and find enjoyment and even comfort in.

But most of all, Hetalia became a safe space for me. An escape when things got too difficult or scary to deal with in the moment. A space where I felt comfortable. Where I could be myself.

And then, after four years of being deep into Hetalia and its fandom... I lost interest.

Now, this might sound a little odd, considering how much I emphasized the importance of Hetalia in my life up until this point. But for some reason when I was going on sixteen years old, I just fizzled out. I can't explain it, but over time, I slowly began to care less and less about Hetalia. Not because I hated it, but because I just... Sorta dropped off. I remember having this feeling of, "I've already seen everything the fandom has to offer," so I suppose that could have been the reason. Either way, I started to drift away from the series and fandom that had previously brought me so much joy.

And it was weird. For a solid week there, I was both parts accepting of my losing interest and panicking over it. Again, this only lasted for a week before I fully took off from the fandom and series. But losing my interest in Hetalia felt like losing a dear friend. Which, at the time, was also happening with the friend who got me into Hetalia in the first place. Life took us in different directions, and we drifted apart. And for some reason, my love for Hetalia went with him.

And then I was gone from the fandom for about seven-and-a-half years. Everyone would say that Hetalia was the fandom you couldn't escape from, but I really didn't think that was true for the longest time. I mean, yeah, I would find myself humming 'Pub and Go' once in a while, but other than that? I didn't think about Hetalia at all. I never thought about the characters, I didn't think about the series every time I looked at a world map, and I certainly wasn't shipping countries together. But even so, the effects of my time in the fandom were still there. And over time, I began to dislike it.

Not the effects, but how deep into Hetalia I was back in the day. Like many others, I cringed looking back at my middle school self. Still do, honestly. But in high school the annoyance for my middle school self was unreal. I was irritated by what a freaking weird kid she was. And after I found out about some of the controversies that somehow went completely over my head? I became deeply ashamed of having ever liked Hetalia and being in the fandom. I didn't think about it too much at the time, but there was definitely this feeling of, "I cannot let anyone know I was into Hetalia." A phase common among old Hetalia fans.

And yet, somehow, against all odds, after years of being away from the fandom and Hetalia itself, even after a new season came out... I came back just earlier this year. Several months ago as of writing this if we want to be more precise.

But what was it? What brought me back? Well, I'd say it's a combination of two things.

First off, the theory of Germany being HRE came into my mind. I don't know why this happened, or how this came up. But either way, my brain was now fixating over that theory, as well as the interesting writing ideas that can branch off of it.

Second off, and I think this may be the most important one, is that I had recently gotten into an accident at work that temporarily took away my ability to write and draw for several months. The two things I am most passionate about, and were my number one stress relievers, were now inaccessible to me. And as medical treatments did nothing to help, and my condition got progressively worse, my mental health took a steep decline as well. I began to fret over the idea of not being able to write or draw ever again. I would lay in bed sobbing over the idea. (My hand is better now by the way).

And it was during this difficult time that Hetalia somehow came back and found me again. After Hetalia came back to my mind, I decided to look it up on TikTok just because. And I was floored when I saw how many Hetalians were on there! I even checked back in with the Tumblr side of the fandom and saw that, sure enough, you were here as well! I had seriously believed that the fandom was dead and gone, but it was still alive and kicking to some extent.

And so, I decided, "Why not?" And rewatched the entire series. And next thing I knew, I found myself diving into the fandom once more. I created this blog to try and connect with other fans, and I'm so glad I did. This blog has not only been doing wonders for my mental health, but it's been so fun and wholesome to see the fandom as it is today.

I find it interesting that I found or came back to Hetalia during difficult times in my life. Maybe there's a reason for it, or maybe it's just coincidence. Who can say? But what I can say is this.

Hetalia, and more importantly, its fandom, have been a massive comfort to me in my life. It has affected so many of the things I now love and find enjoyment in. It's impacted my absurd sense of humor. It's impacted the person I am now because I engaged with it on such an intense, visceral level. I find so many of the characters to be comfort characters for me now. No matter what, I'll always have them.

Hetalia truly feels like home to me. And I think that's largely why I ended up coming back after all these years. Now, however long I'll stay this time around is anyone's guess. But even if I do take off again, I know I'll be back. At some point or another, I'll be back.

Because Hetalia makes me happy. Because it gave me reasons to continue laughing and realize that life doesn't end just because something bad happens, or because life is painful. Because it gives me endless creative material to use and draw from whenever I want. Because connecting with Hetalia and its fandom feels like reconnecting with an old friend.

Because Hetalia feels like home.

[areyougonnabe]

for the polar history recap posts, i’m dying to know more about lillie…deeply tragic and i’ve also heard something about the nickname ‘ooze’ and i desperately need to know more about that

LILLIE 😭😭😭😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

denis (also spelled dennis) gascoigne lillie was born in 1884, making him 26 when the terra nova set off for antarctica. he was trained in natural sciences at cambridge (although he didn't do too well on his exams) and was appointed as the ship's biologist—meaning he did not form part of the shore party in the hut in at cape evans, but remained on board the ship during the winter, studying antarctic marine biology including whales, plankton, and deep-sea creatures like sponges (like the one pictured above). his nickname "ooze" comes from his job as biologist—ooze refers to a specific kind of biological marine sediment that got pulled up in seabed dredges which lillie would then examine.

in silas's diary on the voyage south, he describes lillie:

Lilley—"Hercules'" or "Sequins" is rather a dreamer and asserts he can remember his former existences in this world. Much fun can be got from him if handled properly.

lillie was noted by other members of the expedition to be a bit of a crackpot, asserting that he was a persian and a roman in his past lives. and more than that, possibly:

Lillie had decided that he was not the marrying type, claiming that he had evolved beyond it. In later years Scott’s young Norwegian skiing expert Tryggve Gran recounted that as they crossed the Equator on the Terra Nova Lillie had revealed that he was a woman trapped in a man’s body. ‘When I see a naked man I blush,’ he allegedly said as the others sprawled shirtless on the deck in tropical sunshine, ‘I am split and I can’t help it. Luckily I understand myself and have the control to avoid doing anything wrong.’ Gran was a notoriously unreliable source, and it is hard to imagine anyone having the courage to say that under those circumstances; but perhaps Lillie did.

(from sara wheeler's cherry)

usually i would not recommend anyone trust anything that comes out of gran's mouth, but honestly i do buy this, because, well... vibes.

anyway, on the terra nova, lillie was notable for his talent at caricature, and several of his rather hilariously cruel drawings appeared (copied by wilson) in the south polar times, including this one of birdie:

while the shore party was in antarctica, lillie spent two winters in new zealand studying whales, fossils, and anthropology:

Lillie has been fossilizing & is off next month for 5 months whaling with the Norwegians. He is looking very well & very happy and is ‘a dear little chap’ to use Scott’s expression.

—pennell's diary, may 18 1911

after returning to england, taking the long way round on board the terra nova to continue his marine research, lillie took up residence at cambridge again, alongside deb, silas, priestley, and griff, to work up the scientific results from the expedition.

lillie also spent a lot of time with atch and pennell in 1913, frequently accompanying them to dine and see theater in london. he also drew (probably on board the ship) the caricature of them as the "antarctic lovebirds":

during the war, he was a conscientious objector—a "conchie," refusing to go to the front. it was an incredibly difficult position to maintain in the face of widespread societal opposition. he found solace in a continued and deepening relationship with cherry (who was also not at the front, though in his case for health reasons) as sara wheeler describes in her biography of cherry:

Currently working as a bacteriologist for the military, Lillie had been one of the few visitors at Lamer during the bad months in the middle of 1916. They became unusually intimate (‘I should love to see your chubby cheeks again’), and after one weekend Lillie scrawled with typical irreverence in his note of thanks that, ‘It was only my body which left you, for my ultimate Reality still walks behind your Bath chair and meditates about the many paths of your lovely garden. With love.’

and god i just need to copy these entire sections from the wheeler in here because they make me want to sob:

In September 1916 he had been transferred to the pathology lab of a military hospital in Bournemouth, which he loathed (‘no nice cliffs or sea birds, only sand banks and orange peel’), and was appalled to learn the next year that Cherry was poised to become engaged to Christine Davis (‘being unconventional and as near to nature as I can get, it seems all wrong to me that you should have to tie yourself up for the sake of Society’), but he strove, generally, to be optimistic, whereas Cherry was permanently resigned to his destiny. In August 1917 Lillie returned to Lamer for a week. Writing in advance with details of his train to Hatfield, he concluded that, ‘if a motor does not turn up the wings of joy will waft me those four-and-a-half miles bag included. So don’t worry.’ They had a wonderful time together. ‘I do hope,’ Lillie wrote when he was back in horrible Bournemouth, ‘your throat and the rest of you continues to get well and worthy of the sunny spirit which I see under the label ACG.'

though things seemed to be going as well as they could for lillie, shortly before the end of the war in early 1918, he suffered a nervous breakdown and landed in the notorious bethlem mental institution, known as bedlam. he was there for three years, and cherry was barred from visiting him.

he emerged for a short period of time in 1921, seemingly recovered, and took up lecturing in biology again at cambridge, but by the end of that year had relapsed and was institutionalized again.

frank debenham, writing to expedition agent j.j. kinsey in 1927 to solicit funding for SPRI, gave him an update:

Poor old Lillie is in less happy circumstances, the last I heard of him was that he was never likely to get out of Bedlam, a rather ghastly end up for poor old "Ooze's" brilliant promise.

lillie spent the rest of his life in institutions, and lived until the age of 78, dying in 1963. that was four years after the death of his friend cherry—who, despite constant attempts, was never allowed to visit him.

per UK law, lillie's medical records will be sealed until 2063, 100 years after his death, but a post on bethlem's official blog about lillie briefly notes that he was "depressed, delusional and suicidal."

the post also notes, importantly, that his breakdown had nothing whatsoever to do with his antarctic experiences:

The content of his medical notes suggests that the state of mind that brought him to hospital was entirely unrelated to his experiences of 1910-1913. Indeed, they report that “on the whole he felt better during this time”. 

OK, let's end on a nice note. here's a picture of him having a nice time at silas's wedding (i think) with his best friends. RIP lillie, i hope your next life is going well somewhere out there right now 🥲💓

(also another good writeup on lillie with some lovely art can be found on @worstjourney's patreon here!)