#that'll go over great

[sachermorte]

my mother really wants me to start journaling again but I don't think this was her intention

[front-facing-pokemon]

[k3yreviewer25]

oh my god i walked away for a few minutes and now i come back to ross and connor kissing, what the hell did i miss

[randomnameless]

Typing about the best wildlife scholar made me realise something -

We know Dheginsea's extremist isolationist and non-interventionist policies were motivated by his wish to stop the propagation of wars, or at least, not to create a situation where the entire continent would be engulfed in War, else Ashera would wake up and erase the population.

Which is what he ultimately believes happened - that's why we fight against him in FE10, because the plot is stupid and cannot have Yune tell him "hi! We were woken by Galdr, Ashera mistakingly believes the inverse!" before his ultimate defeat.

But thinking more about it -

The Three Heroes (tfw Lehran's not part of the gang) made a pact with the Goddesses : they had to ensure 1k years of peace else they would stone Humanity. If they wake up in 1k years and the world is in chaos, they would stone it. If not, then kumbaya.

If they wake up before those 1k years due to war, the world is stone. If they are awoken by Galdr, they should, uh, talk to each other to decide what to do.

To Dheginsea, the only person who could sing the Galdr of Release, Lehran, lost the power to do so when he lost his abilities as a Laguz : ergo, without any possibility to wake the Goddesses up with Galdr, the only way to avoid Ashera's judgment was to avoid wars for 1000 years, even if it means... well, ignoring people suffering and letting them die at your doorstep.

So, Dheginsea, if he revealed the truth about Lehran, would have started a war against Beorcs (there's no way Laguz who know the truth will accept the status quo that if they live too closely with Beorcs they die), and without Galdr : Ashera wakes up "with war" and stones everyone.

If he intervened like Lehran wanted, and had Goldoa stomp Begnion/Beorcs who enslaves Laguz? Ashera wakes up "with war" and stones everyone, since she can't be waken up with Galdr anymore.

Hell, if Dheginsea terminated Ashnard and Daein as he planned too after losing Rajaion and Almedha (what FE10 tells us... but can we seriously believe this when in FE9 he dgaf about the situation?), again we have the same situation : Ashera wakes up due to war and stones everyone.

The only reason why the cast "won" and Tellius isn't stoned anymore is because unbestknown to Lehran, Dheginsea and well, everyone in Tellius, Lehran's branded descendants (who conveniently weren't all wiped out!) can actually sing the Galdr of Release and release Yune, who can circumvent the "Ashera wakes up with war and stone everyone".

-> When Lehran lost his powers and couldn't act as an alarm anymore, the only way to "wake the goddesses before 1k years happen" is with war and their judgment would be to kill everyone.

So Dheginsea had to grit his teeth and accept every fucked up thing that happened in Tellius because Lehran - due to this world's crappy mechanics - cannot "wake up the Goddesses" earlier and ask them to withold their judgment : if there is a war they will kill everyone - they must endure for 1k years, else Tellius is doomed.

Tl;Dr : TFW "make love not war" backfired in Lehran's case, and completely fucked up the covenant they had with the goddesses and if Miccy chocked on a pretzel, Lehran's love for Altina (aka him losing his powers) would have led to Tellius being wiped out even without his own participation.

[feral-and-or-horny]

I've been re reading The Locked Tomb and I promise I'm being so normal about it

[carcarrot]

well everyone now that sparkstember is over i can now devote my energy to being insane in other still sparks-related ways

[nocturne-of-illusions]

if you run a cooking website for "easy, limited ingredient AIP recipes" that use 30 different hard to find, hard to prepare, expensive ingredients that will take multiple hours to prep and cook... i hope you step on a lego every single day of your life. <3

[izzy-b-hands]

My doctor messaging me at 12:30 in the morning to tell me she wants to do a telehealth visit abt the side effects I'm having with my new Lamotrigine dose (including worse insomnia than my usual insomnia, as u may have guessed lmao) is. something.

[embryhallowed]

Oh gender stuff

I visited back home for the first time in a while and my parents let me invite some friends for a bonfire in the back yard.

One of my friends is trans and they're probably the first trans person my family have knowingly been around. I told my family beforehand to be nice and respectful or else 🔪 and lo, they were!

Which was a pleasant surprise, because who can guess how an extremely conservative family will behave, but it was interesting to see my mom's reaction to my friend.

She pulled me aside privately at one point and was like, "when you said they were trans I thought maybe they were born male? But s-they don't seem to be? I'm coming from a place of ignorance, can you help me understand?"

Sure, she stumbled over her words a bit, but she seemed genuine about wanting to learn and be respectful, so that was nice, but it was also here that I realized my mom's only perception of trans people was either as trans men or trans women. It was definitely one of those "oh right, I forgot not everyone knows about this" moments for me.

I briefly explained that trans is an umbrella term for many identities, cited a couple of my friends as examples of the spectrum, and assured her that I'd be happy to talk about it with her in depth some other time. She seemed receptive to this, which was really really nice?

And the idea of being able to explain these things to her sounded really good at the time, and honestly still does, but later I had the realization that if I have this talk with her, it will probably give her the power to clock me???

Which. Oh no.

My mom and I have been able to maintain a decent relationship on the basis of denial for at least the last decade or so. If I explain the spectrum of gender beyond the binary, that will probably endanger the denial. And can she handle me without that? IDK.

I don't know if she knows what a binder is, but she saw me wearing one, she knows my hair is super short, and she sees what I post on social media. She even told me that, with my haircut, I look like my most masculine sibling. I can just imagine her connecting the dots as I explain what non-binary is.

I've told myself that if anyone directly asked, I wouldn't deny it, but this also isn't a part of myself I planned on making vulnerable to her/the family at large?

But maybe that conversation would be a good thing? I would get the chance to explain things to her from a perspective that isn't steeped in bigotry, which would be great. But, then she might really see me... But that might not be a bad thing either? I mean, hell, my family was all "people shouldn't marry outside of their race!" for ages, and their opinion didn't change until my mixed cousin was born. Maybe they really do need it to impact them personally before they can care. IDK.

Anyone else had to navigate this sort of thing yet?

[invisiblemuse]

It's such a weird feeling not having ANYTHING that I'm currently interested in. Usually I'll be in phases where I'll fixate on a particular fandom. But the majority of my time would be taken up by writing and I just don't have any ENERGY for it!! And when that happens I'd watch movies or a show, but there's NOTHING that sounds interesting enough! I've had Vikings on for the past two days but I'm not even watching it, it's basically just been background noise. And I don't have any of my books or else I'd read so I don't even have that! And my mind goes to reading fan fiction but I don't know what I feel like reading for that because I don't have any particular fandom that I'm interested in at the moment and this really sucks! I'm just drained from everything, this is miserable

[neverendingford]

.

[monty-glasses-roxy]

Typically teaspoons, tablespoons, cups, pints, and occasionally ounces

"Hey I have this really cool and relatively simple project idea! I can't wait to do it!" <- Me, so caught up in the joys of a new project that for a moment, I lived in a world where the US didn't suck balls.

[silent-sentinels]

can someone coin a term for a facet whose role is to be sick of it all.

🍂 Jaded [he/him]

[followerofmercy]

Networking/Knowing A Guy: A Guide

This is the autism website. Now, as an extension of the power of love and friendship, there are few things more useful than Knowing A Guy. Knowing A Guy means you have a support network. Knowing a plumber, or a tax accountant, or just that one dude that's really fucking good at finding the information you need when you're really overwhelmed, can be the difference between being able to pay rent and having a fun party with friends to fix your shit.

How does one end up Knowing A Guy? It's a skill you can develop called Networking and it is one of the foundations of society. Unfortunately making those connections with people is fucking hard and nobody makes a tutorial for it. So, here you go:

The golden rule is you scratch my back and I scratch yours

It is necessary for survival to seek out useful people

Great news! Everyone is useful in some form or fashion - including you! When given the opportunity to learn about someone, do it! Extroversion does not come naturally to some people and that's okay. Just take whatever falls in your lap.

Types of usefulness: trade skills, connections of their own, personality you jive with, pleasant to talk to, niche interest in shared hobby, security - the list is pretty much endless. I know a guy that lives in the metro area - no job, no major hobbies, inoffensively annoying to me personally, kinda ignorant, not attractive to me, but you know what? He knows how the fuck to get around the city by foot. My rural-raised ass APPRECIATES the guide.

Remember important information: general personality, background, skillset, likes and dislikes. You can find this information by making smalltalk about their life. There is no such thing as pointless conversation. (Yes, even the annoying smalltalk)

The more people you know, the higher the likelihood that one of them will be useful in a given situation - or will know someone who is.

It is overwhelming. In a given clique/community/workspace/whatever, there is A Guy Who Knows The Other Guys. This Guy is a shortcut. Find them. They're often elderly, extroverted, a little bit annoying, a secretary or in some otherwise forward-facing position. Look for people that are gossipy/talk about other people a lot but not in negative ways. If they constantly talk shit, they'll talk shit about you too. They're still useful but be careful with the information you share

You do not have to like someone for them to be useful.

You do not have to like someone for them to be useful.*

If you have low self esteem, you're going to feel like you're using people. You're not. That's the devil talking. People like feeling valued and the connections you are making are the threads holding community together. Recognize people for their talents. It's only a problem when you're taking advantage of people

So: don't feel scummy about it. You're an animal. You have to claw out your right to survive and people will respect you more for it.

Luckily mutualism is the name of the game in the animal kingdom. Offer something back. The foundation of a Know A Guy relationship is Mutual Benefit

Sometimes that Mutual Benefit is just spreading news of the The Guy far and wide. My plumber friend is my actual friend and I love her to death, but I'm maintaining our backscratch relationship by pimping out her plumbing business to anyone that'll listen

Food is a good Mutual Benefit. People across cultures for all of human history have bonded over food. I have good success asking people for a favor and then offering to buy them lunch in return **

General compensation is also good. Offer a service in return and always do your best to offer financial compensation as appropriate. Having your plumber friend take a look at your drain: doable with a case of beer. Having your plumber friend redo the pipes in your entire house? You need to pay for that.

Being transactional is not necessarily a bad thing. I would advise against keeping an itemized list of things owed, but fish don't seek out cleaner shrimp just because they enjoy their company. Everyone gets something

Unfortunately being extroverted and generally personable is a huge benefit here, but that's the value of the Guy That Knows A Guy. There's someone out there that has consolidated All The Guys so you don't have to be the local expert. Always remember nobody can do everything and you don't need to master every skill

* This is the foundation of a functioning community. I have many acquaintances that I find incredibly annoying. They include doctors, welders, artists, social workers, lawyers, construction crew and random fuckers at the grocery store. I do not hang out with them. I do not have to in order to maintain a civil Know A Guy relationship. I can drop them useful tidbits and fuck right off so I don't have to spend any more time than necessary with them

** People may assume romantic intent. Be prepared for that. I generally denote that it's a friendly/work lunch by calling them bro at some point if they're my age. Otherwise my general demeanor is sufficient to show that I do this with everyone

Source: personal experience, mother's teachings of crime, booth vending and poverty

[mcmansionhell]

namesake mcmansion

Howdy folks! Today's McMansion is very special because a) we're returning to Maryland after a long time and b) because the street this McMansion is on is the same as my name. (It was not named after me.) Hence, it is my personal McMansion, which I guess is somewhat like when people used to by the name rights to stars even though it was pretty much a scam. (Shout out btw to my patron Andros who submitted this house to be roasted live on the McMansion Hell Patreon Livestream)

As far as namesake McMansions go, this one is pretty good in the sense that it is high up there on the ol' McMansion scale. Built in 2011, this psuedo-Georgian bad boy boasts 6 bedrooms and 9.5 baths, all totaling around 12,000 square feet. It'll run you 2.5 million which, safe to say, is exponentially larger than its namesake's net worth.

Now, 2011 was an anonymous year for home design, lingering in the dead period between the 2008 black hole and 2013 when the market started to actually, finally, steadily recover. As a result a lot of houses from this time basically look like 2000s McMansions but slightly less outrageous in order to quell recession-era shame.

I'm going to be so serious here and say that the crown molding in this room is a crime against architecture, a crime against what humankind is able to accomplish with mass produced millwork, and also a general affront to common sense. I hate it so much that the more I look at it the more angry I become and that's really not healthy for me so, moving on.

Actually, aside from the fake 2010s distressed polyester rug the rest of this room is literally, basically Windows 98 themed.

I feel like the era of massive, hefty sets of coordinated furniture are over. However, we're the one's actually missing out by not wanting this stuff because we will never see furniture made with real wood instead of various shades of MDF or particleboard ever again.

This is a top 10 on the scale of "least logical kitchen I've ever seen." It's as though the designers engineered this kitchen so that whoever's cooking has to take the most steps humanly possible.

Do you ever see a window configuration so obviously made up by window companies in the 1980s that you almost have to hand it to them? You're literally letting all that warmth from the fire just disappear. But whatever I guess it's fine since we basically just LARP fire now.

Feminism win because women's spaces are prioritized in a shared area or feminism loss because this is basically the bathroom vanity version of women be shopping? (It's the latter.)

I couldn't get to all of this house because there were literally over a hundred photos in the listing but there are so many spaces in here that are basically just half-empty voids, and if not that then actually, literally unfinished. It's giving recession. Anyway, now for the best part:

Not only is this the NBA Backrooms but it's also just a nonsensical basketball court. Tile floors? No lines? Just free balling in the void?

Oh, well I bet the rear exterior is totally normal.

Not to be all sincere about it but much like yours truly who has waited until the literal last second to post this McMansion, this house really is the epitome of hubris all around. Except the house's hubris is specific to this moment in time, a time when gas was like $2/gallon. It's climate hubris. It's a testimony to just how much energy the top 1% of income earners make compared to the rest of us. I have a single window unit. This house has four air conditioning condensers. That's before we get to the monoculture, pesticide-dependent lawn or the three car garage or the asphalt driveway or the roof that'll cost almost as much as the house to replace. We really did think it would all be endless. Oops.

If you like this post and want more like it, support McMansion Hell on Patreon for as little as $1/month for access to great bonus content including a discord server, extra posts, and livestreams.

Not into recurring payments? Try the tip jar! Student loans just started back up!

[lacy-oh-lacy]

*cough* agatha with a controversially young lover *cough*

✧₊⁺ 𝐒𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐑𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐟

𝐀/𝐍: I'm combining this with another request for Agatha and a virgin reader because it seemed like a very natural fit. I hope that's okay.

𝐂𝐖: Age gap (reader's in their 20s), Virgin!Reader, Dom!Agatha, Oral (Agatha receiving), fingering, accidental exposure, slightly mean domming

Agatha called you out for eyefucking her the first time you met. Reveling in the flustered panic that followed.

“What? No, no, I um- I didn't mean to-”

“Oh, relax twerp, it takes more than a horny Zoomer to make me clutch my pearls.”

As unimpressed as she seemed with you though, that wasn't the last time she sought you out.

Because apparently, despite your age you made the best potions of anyone in the state, and her need for one drove her right up the grungy stairwell to your apartment.

Dressed to the nines in her expensive blazer and fancy updo, she looked almost comical outside your door, glaring through the threshold. “I'm here for the potion.”

“Shhh.” You ushered her inside, glancing over your shoulder. “My roommates don't know… about my extracurriculars.”

“Of course you have roommates.”

Of course that was the only part of your statement she addressed.

“It’s finished, come in.”

She followed you to your bedroom, a sad little thing, half taken up by your desk alone.

Your college textbooks were pushed precariously to the side to make way for your supplies, from which you plucked a vial and handed it to her.

“Here you go.”

Agatha held it to the light, examining the dark liquid inside with something like approval sparkling in her eyes… At least until you opened your mouth.

“That'll be 500 dollars.” You said, wincing as her inspecting gaze turned to wide, fiery eyes. “...Mam.”

“500 dollars? Are you joking?”

“Sorry. College is expensive.”

You wisely didn't mention that most of your customers were a lot less magically experienced than her and easier to gouge.

“I didn't even bring 500 dollars.”

You sighed. You could -as was evident- really use the money but you weren't going to pick a fight with The Agatha Harkness over it, that was for sure.

“Fine. 100.”

She huffed but reached into a pocket and handed you the bill.

“Great. Just great. Ya know, if you think I'm wound tight now you should see me on a budget.”

“Uh huh.” You couldn't muster sympathy for her if you tried, you doubted you could even brew a potion to. “I'd think at your level you could just magic-up whatever you want... I'm not even sure why you need me.”

Nerve struck, her only reply was a withering glare as she tucked the potion away in an inner pocket of her jacket.

Talking just to fill the silence, shooting your shot because you figured you weren't going to make her any more pissed off, you continued,

“If stress relief is what you're after there are other ways. Free ones.”

You didn't know if she'd catch your meaning, you thought it might be better if she didn't, but oh, she did.

Suddenly, you were the center of Agatha Harkness’ attention, a gleam in her eye and a smirk twisting her face.

“You offering one?”

Your stomach lurched. Did that actually work?

You clawed inwards for any shreds of confidence, enough to get out, “I, well, I could be-”

“That what the discount was for? You wanted a different kind of payment?”

And that threw you off completely.

“What? No, no I-”

“Careful.” She teased. “A sweet little thing like you really shouldn't be offering up what you're not willing to part with.”

She was fucking with you.

And you stumbled right into her trap with no thoughts of getting out.

“I'm not, I mean, I am, I'm willing, if you…”

As much as she clearly enjoyed chewing on your embarrassment, you could tell her patience was thinning by the straining look on her face. She wasn't going to stand there all day waiting for you to get a sentence out.

Fuck it.

Agatha Harkness respects bravery you rationalized, seconds before your lips hit hers.

The terror of free-falling only faded as her lips pushed back against your own, returning your kiss with one more domineering, more violent. So heated your brain was almost melting.

Agatha pulled back, but with swelling lips you hardly felt the difference.

“You sure you know what you're getting yourself into?”

You nodded dumbly, “I’m really into you.”

“Oh, I know you are, Hon, that's not what I'm asking.” Her tone was dark and steady, as soft as a caress. “Do you honestly think you can handle me?”

You swallowed, eyes locked on hers against every instinct to avert them.

“I-I’ll try my best.”

She laughed, a breathy kind of cackle that left a wicked grin on her face.

“Prove it.”

Her hands on your shoulders turned heavy and almost thoughtlessly you sank to your knees under their strength.

“You want me to…?”

She gave you that same look again, like she was waiting for you to catch up and running low on patience.

“Okay… wow, um…”

Your hands, so steady and precise an hour ago while you worked, shook as you reached for Agatha's zipper.

This couldn't have been real, you waited with bated breath for her to slap your hands away.

For someone to jump out of your closet laughing.

For her to pull out a dagger and slit your throat in some kind of virgin sacrifice ritual, because, hey, what was more likely, Agatha Harkness fucking you or killing you?

But her zipper went down, and with a huff Agatha pushed her pants and panties down right along with it.

Holy fuck.

You nearly moaned at the sight of the most perfect cunt you had ever seen in your life. Which was redundant, but it was the only thought your fritzed, virgin brain would supply.

But with white-hot lust came a knot in your stomach as it dawned on you that hundreds of years of experience was staring you down.

How could you possibly live up to that? Be adequate even?

“This is where you lick it.”

You startled at her gravelly voice.

Right. Try now, wallow in your inevitable failure later.

“Should we lock the door first?” you asked, glancing at your crudely installed cheap lock.

“I don't know, should we?” She asked rhetorically, looking like she was seconds away from pushing your head where she wanted it herself.

“Right, nevermind.”

You dove forward, licking straight up her slit and earning a catch in the older woman's breath.

Was she surprised? Expecting you to back out just as much as you expected her to?

Wetness gathered on your tongue, a taste of pure sex that made your head spin. You heard yourself moan. Go figure you’d be the first one to.

You lapped greedily at her cunt, a sloppy exploration that you could've spent an eternity on, but Agatha wasn't having that.

“More.” She exclaimed, halfway between a moan and a growl.

You weren't too inexperienced to know what that meant.

You dragged your tongue up and prodded around for her clit, barely making out the little bud.

Okay. Now what?

You wracked your brain for sex tips. The alphabet trick? Did that even work in real life?

Testing the waters, you used your tongue to spell out your name on her clit, and in a flood of relief and liquid heat you heard a breathy, little moan above you.

Her bundle of nerves swelled under your tongue, hardening into something defined, something easy to play with.

“Oh! That's it! That's a good girl.”

God, she was gonna make you cum on the spot talking like that.

Lust caving in your brain, your licks dissolved to messy, thoughtless circles and crosses. Not that Agatha seemed to mind.

You glanced up at her with hazy vision. Her arm was pressed to her forehead, fist closed as tightly as her eyes. She was already so close.

Possessed by a desperate need to give her that final push over the edge you brought your fingers to her pussy, sliding two inside of her in a gentle thrust.

Agatha moaned through gritted teeth, clenching hard around you while you curled inside her, grazing her g-spot.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

Saliva and Agatha’s own wetness dripped down her legs, down your hand, down your chin. She trembled beneath you, breath hitching and coming back a choked sob.

Violent flutters errupted beneath your tongue and around your fingers, but you didn't dare ease up without her command, you didn't until she broke off panting.

“Easy, Tiger, what are you doing? Going for two?” She all but gasped out.

“Sorry.” You said, no more composed yourself. “So, um, was that okay?”

She laughed, “yeah, you did good.” As if remembering that she was the wicked witch of Westview she twisted her features into something meaner. “But don't get too cocky, it's been a long time for me.”

Before you could be proud of the praise or offended by it being cut down you jolted -nearly out of your skin- with the click of your door opening.

“Woah! Ever heard of a sock on the door?”

Oh fuck.

You couldn't even look at your roommate. Wide, apologetic eyes on a groaning Agatha pulling her pants up. Annoyed but not quite embarrassed about this stranger getting an eyeful of her ass.

With her own scolding gaze burning into yours you could only cringe deeply, watching as any chance of Agatha returning the favor faded into the abyss.

“I gotta say, I think this warrants a refund.”