#that'd be the gay couple i want

[cjlouwho]

tags: violence (gay bashing), homophobic slurs, blood, hurt/comfort, angst, healing, heading toward getting back together, happy-enough ending

(ao3 link or read below)

Like Fine China

“Hey, I need you to keep your eyes open for me, okay? You hear me? Try to keep your eyes open.”

He recognized that voice. The last time he'd heard it was just a few weeks ago, at the hospital. Who was it for though? Why was he at the hospital that time?

His brain felt like a jumbled mess. His body felt even worse.

He just wanted to sleep.

“Tommy! Tommy, can you hear me?”

Athena! That's who was speaking to him.

He opened his mouth, cracked one eye open. God, it hurt!

“I- I'm,” the words felt foreign as they escaped him. His voice didn't sound like his own. His mouth was dry, and held a bad taste.

Whiskey and... and metal.

Blood.

“Tommy, paramedics are on their way, okay? I just need you to stay with me until they get here.”

It was dark, but something was shining bright in his face.

“Flash... Flashlight,” he managed to get out, squeezing his eye back shut.

“Eyes- Eye open, Tommy. I'll get the flashlight out of your face, but I need to know you're with me.”

Wait. Had she said paramedics? They couldn't. He couldn't let them- let him see.

“No, no, no,” he mumbled out, shaking his head a couple times until a sharp pain shot through it. “No, h- he can't. I don't-”

“They're not on shift, Tommy.”

He tried to push himself up, away from where she hovered over him. He didn't manage to get very far before she placed a hand on his chest.

“Tommy, you cannot get up. I need you to stay still, and stay conscious. Those two things are your only jobs. You hear me?”

“I can't,” his words were so garbled. He coughed up the blood that'd been dripping down his throat.

I can't let him see.”

“Listen to me, Tommy!” Athena exclaimed, getting right in Tommy's face. He could barely see her, but he could feel her breath on his face. “They're not coming. Buck isn't coming; it'll be someone else.”

In the distance, he heard the sound of sirens. He didn't feel relief. Didn't feel much of anything at all. He was fading, fast. It took all his energy to force out one last sentence before he lost consciousness. “Don't... Don't tell him.”

*****

He just wanted to go out for a drink. Something a little stronger than craft beer.

It'd been two weeks since he broke up with Evan- no, Buck. He was Buck now.

It'd been two weeks since he broke up with Buck and the ache in his chest felt the same way it did the second he walked out of the loft.

He'd thought he was saving himself from future heartbreak, and maybe he was, but it didn't quite make it hurt any less.

Georgie's wasn't exactly a gay bar, but Georgie was gay and the bar itself became a sort of unofficial hang out for older people in the lgbtq+ community. No loud music and everyone left each other alone. A perfect place to decompress while still allowing yourself to be free.

After a couple of whiskey sours, and yeah, a pitcher of craft beer, Tommy was ready to go.

He waited outside, near the alleyway, for his Uber. He found himself going to his messages, hovering over Evan's name. He hadn't had the heart to change it to Buck yet.

He'd been wanting to text him since the breakup. Talk about it some more. Actually give a reason for why it- why he- fell apart so fast. How Buck's words triggered some terrible memories for him. How he suddenly realized there was no way he could be everything he thought Buck needed. Everything Buck deserved. Not to mention they hadn't even exchanged I love you's. And it was insane to think all of Tommy's things could fit in Buck's loft. Buck's things could fit in his house so much easier!

He clicked on Evan's name, started to type something out, erased it, started again, erased it again.

He was usually so aware of his surroundings. His time in the military did that to him. It did a lot of things to him actually, many of which he wasn't very thankful for. However, he prided himself on not being oblivious.

Tonight he was oblivious.

He didn't expect five men to jump him at once. He was a strong guy. Had taken on three men about fifteen years earlier. Did it with ease too.

But not five men. Not when one had a bat, and one had brass knuckles, and one was at least 6'5 and three hundred pounds. Not when they dragged him to the ground and into the alley before he had a chance to react. Screaming slurs at him as they took turns using his body as a punching bag.

He tried to fight. At one point, he was sure he kicked one of the guy's in the face. Heard him yell something like, “The fag broke my tooth!”

It only made things worse.

He wasn't sure when he first lost consciousness, but he knew they were still on top of him. Still laughing as they hit and kicked. He heard the sounds of someone spitting at some point. Felt wet on his face.

Then there was nothing.

Until someone stepped out from somewhere, and maybe they heard him groan? Maybe it was his Uber driver wondering where he was? Maybe it was an employee taking out the trash? He wasn't sure. He could barely hear someone telling him they were calling the police. There was a ringing in his ears, and his lungs felt like they were on fire. Someone said something about wheezing, barely breathing. He wondered what that was about.

Then there was Athena. Then nothing again.

*****

The next time Tommy opened his eyes, he was in a dimly lit hospital room. He was confused. Could barely see out of one eye and everything was blurry out of the other.

His head felt like it was stuffed with cotton, and maybe some tiny humans hitting his brain with hammers.

“Are you... awake awake or not really awake?”

The sound of a man's voice startled him. He couldn't hardly move, but he was able to focus his eyes across the room at the figure in the corner.

“Ed- Eddie?”

God, his voice sounded weird. Why did it sound like that? Like he'd spent the last 30 years smoking a pack a day.

“Yeah, I'm here.”

He sounded hesitant. Maybe they'd had this conversation before? If they had, Tommy certainly didn't remember it.

“Wha- Why?”

Eddie stepped closer. “You're in the hospital, Man.”

Tommy wanted to roll his eyes. No duh.

He settled for clearing his throat, which turned into a burning sensation running down his chest. “Why're you... here?” he tried. Hoped Eddie understood that much.

“Tommy-”

“I t- told Athena-” he had to pause to take a breath. “Told her not to tell.”

“Actually, you told Athena not to tell him. And she assumed, correctly, I'm sure, that him was Buck. So she called me instead.”

Tommy closed his eyes. “Why?”

“Why'd she call me? Oh, maybe because you don't have anyone listed as an emergency contact and you were nearly beat to death so she figured you might need someone to be here when you woke up.”

Tommy's jaw clenched at Eddie's harsh words.

Nearly beat to death.

He was nearly beat to death.

Eddie either noticed Tommy's heart rate going up on the monitor, or his eyes filling with tears, because he was right beside his bed in two strides. “Sorry,” he said. “Sorry, I- I'm kinda pissed, Man.”

“S'okay,” Tommy replied, swallowing hard. “I deserve it.”

Eddie looked taken aback. “No, I'm not- Tommy, I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at this,” he said, gesturing over Tommy's body. “I've never seen...” Eddie's voice trailed off and, through Tommy's own blurry vision, he could see that Eddie was close to crying.

“What'd they do to me?” Tommy asked, barely able to take in all his injuries. His entire body hurt, no part any worse or less than the other. He could feel something on every limb, but he couldn't quite move his head around enough to see what it was.

Eddie took a deep breath. He wiped at his eyes with his fingers, sniffling before getting started. “You've got bruising on about seventy-five percent of your body. You had surgery for a busted kneecap on your right knee. Your left arm has a fracture, and your right one has thirty stitches, I think. They broke a few ribs, so it's gonna hurt like hell when you take a deep breath or cough. Um, you had some internal bleeding, but they got that under control pretty fast. You've got a fracture in your cheek, which may cause some extra pain when you talk. You've got a few broken fingers too, and lost a couple fingernails during your- when you were defending yourself.”

“Hm,” Tommy hummed once Eddie was done. “S'that all?”

Eddie shook his head, rolling his eyes. “I'm sure I missed a couple things, actually, jackass.”

Tommy let out a laugh, which quickly turned into a groan. “Thanks for coming, Eddie,” he said, trying and failing at moving himself into a slightly more comfortable position. “You don't have to stay though. I'll be fine.”

Eddie stared at him incredulously. “You're kidding me.”

Tommy shifted his eyes back in Eddie's direction. “No, I- I'll be okay. I've got it. Just,” he paused to take a breath, “don't let Buck know, please.”

Eddie raised a finger toward Tommy. “Well, see, about that. You only told Athena not to tell him before, and-”

“You didn't.”

“-and see he was already at my place when I got the call, so-”

“Please tell me you didn't.”

“I have one with cream and one with sugar and- Oh my God, you're awake!” The sound of Buck's voice had Tommy's head twisting toward the door so quickly that a pain shot from the bottom of his back all the way to the top of his head. “Ow!” he yelped, clenching his teeth and tossing his head against the pillow, squeezing his eyes shut.

“Oh my God. Has the nurse come in yet? Have they checked his vitals? Eddie, you said he'd be out for a while! Tommy, do you feel any nausea? Do you remember who we are? The nurses said you might have-”

“Buck!” Eddie exclaimed. “Stop. He's okay.” He glanced over at Tommy, “I did forget to mention the head trauma.”

Tommy groaned, giving him a glare.

Eddie walked over to Buck and took the drink carrier from his hands. “I'll go find a nurse, you stay with him.”

Tommy wanted to yell out to Eddie to please not go, and also screw you, and maybe throw a couple hand gestures in there too. He stayed silent instead.

Buck looked Tommy up and down, hesitating slightly before walking up to the side of the bed. “So, you're-”

“I want to see myself,” Tommy blurted.

“Oh, um, I... Tommy, I don't. It might be better to wait.”

Tommy managed to move his head enough to look up at Buck. He could see the fear- no, the panic- in Buck's eyes.

“I wanna see," he repeated.

“Tommy-”

“Buck!” It took a lot of strength to get his name out so forcefully, and he didn't quite mean it to sound as angry as it did, but this wasn't Buck's decision. It was his. And he wanted to see what he looked like.

Buck pulled his phone from his back pocket, his hands shaking slightly as he pulled up the camera.

Slowly, he lifted the phone up to Tommy's face.

The second it registered that he was looking at himself, Tommy sucked in a breath. He grimaced as pain radiated through his chest but, when Buck went to move the camera away he stopped him. “No,” he said. “Just. Just wait.”

He knew his eyes were swollen by how out of focus his vision was, but he had no idea just how bad they looked. The right was worse than the left, but both were an angry mixture of black, purple, and green. The bruise on the left side of his face ran down his cheek to his jaw, circling underneath his chin like a half moon and fading into his facial hair. There were marks on his neck. Looked like someone's hand. He could understand Eddie's hesitancy on mentioning that. He didn't remember anyone gripping him there, which was probably for the best.

His forehead had more bruises, and cuts too. There was dried blood at his hairline, some stitched up cuts. His curly hair was nearly matted to his head, his scalp a brutal crimson.

“I tried to wash the blood out of your hair with a washcloth,” Buck explained anxiously, “but you have some lacerations on your scalp and I didn't want to bother them until they healed a little more.”

It was all so overwhelming. There was a whirring sound in his ears that made him feel dizzy. His eyes burned as they filled with tears that he didn't have the strength to wipe away.

“Okay,” he said, his voice uneven. He cleared his throat. “Can you- You can go, please. I don't... You can go.”

“Tommy-”

“Ev- Buck, I'm awake, I'm fine, I don't need anyone here.” He stared straight ahead, unable to look Buck in the eyes. “Please.”

“No.”

Tommy really didn't feel like dealing with stubborn Evan right now. “I don't-”

“I don't really care, Tommy. I'm not leaving you here. I've been at this damn hospital for three days now and I'm staying until you go home. I don't care what-”

He was cut off by the sound of footsteps behind him.

“Got the nurse,” Eddie said, an awkward smile on his face. The nurse, to her credit, ignored all the tension in the room.

“Let me get some hand sanitizer and gloves and I'll be right with you, Mr. Kinard.”

Buck sighed. He stepped even closer to Tommy. “I'm gonna go into the hall long enough for the nurse to check you out,” he said, maneuvering himself until he was halfway leaning over the bed, his arm on the other side of Tommy to prop himself up as he forced him to make eye contact. “I will be back in a few minutes. You have people who care about you, Tommy, whether you like it or not.”

With that said, Buck stood back up and left the room.

*****

Tommy spent a few more days in the hospital before he was released. There were only two times that Buck left long enough to get a shower and get a little rest in a real bed. Both of those times, he made sure Eddie was there the entire time.

Athena had come in to get his statement. Asked him all sorts of questions, most of which Tommy couldn't answer. He hadn't really gotten a good look at them. Only had very basic descriptions. He remembered the slurs they had hurled at him, knew they attacked because he was gay. He couldn't really figure out how they knew though. Besides being outside of that bar, it wasn't like Tommy ever did anything that screamed gay. Not that it mattered.

She'd been honest with him. There were no cameras at that part of the street, or in the alleyway. No one got a good description of the attackers, and the person who called the police only saw their shadows as they disappeared into the night. She'd do everything she could, but it wasn't likely they'd find these men. At least, not until they did this again.

Bobby stopped by once with some homemade chicken noodle soup. Buck had to feed him every bite, which made Tommy feel like he was about to cry the entire time, but he managed half a bowl before he had to stop. It was a million times better than anything the hospital had been feeding him, and he was glad to know Bobby had put some in his freezer to give Tommy when he got home.

Chim and Maddie came one evening. He'd been asleep when they got there, woke up some time during their visit, but he kept his eyes shut until they left.

Honestly, every time someone walked through the doors he felt more and more like running out of the hospital and finding a hole to fall into. Then, if he were lucky, someone would just shovel some dirt over him and let him rest.

These weren't his people. They were Buck's people. They didn't need to be there for him. They needed to hate him. They needed to laugh at his bruises and tell him he deserved every last one. They needed to yell at him for breaking Buck's heart to try and save his own.

That'd be a lot easier than this.

Thankfully, Hen and Karen didn't come by. They did send flowers though, and a card that explained both kids had strep throat and they didn't want to risk bringing that to the hospital. They'd come by Tommy's place once he was home.

He and Buck didn't talk about anything that needed to be talked about. All the unsent messages that had swirled through Tommy's mind didn't matter right now. It was like an unspoken rule between the two of them. Right now was not the time to try and fix whatever happened between them. Right now was about Tommy healing.

*****

As soon as they got Tommy home, Buck left Eddie with him so he could go to the pharmacy and pick up his medications. When he got back, Eddie headed out to go home and rest, promising to come back later with a variety of foods that would be easy on Tommy to eat.

The silence felt more... silent at Tommy's house. It was different now that they were at home instead of a hospital with people coming in and out at all times.

Tommy needed to do something, say something, to break the silence.

“I wasn't on a date,” he muttered out as Buck organized his pain meds on his nightstand.

Buck paused briefly before getting right back to it. “Didn't think you were.”

Tommy nodded. “Okay. I just, I don't know, didn't want you to think that.”

“You go to Georgie's when your brain is working overtime and you need it to quiet down.”

Tommy's eyebrows furrowed. “I didn't know I ever told you that.”

“You didn't,” Buck replied, handing Tommy his pills and a glass of water. “I just know you.”

Tommy swallowed the pills, wincing slightly. His throat still felt scratchy even a week later. “I don't know how they knew,” he said as Buck took the water from him and set it on his nightstand.

“Who knew what?”

“Those guys that-” he stopped. “I don't know how they knew I was gay.”

“A lot of queer people hang out at Georgie's,” Buck answered. “They probably took a guess.”

The thought of it made Tommy's stomach lurch. “I've spent most of my life trying to make sure people couldn't guess.”

Buck watched him for a moment quizzically. “Tommy, you're not... You don't blame yourself for this, do you? You know this wasn't your fault, right?”

Tommy avoided eye contact with Buck. He felt so small right now. “I know I didn't do anything to provoke them.”

“That doesn't really answer my question.”

“I just... I don't know what I could have done differently. I know I wasn't paying attention to my surroundings. I... I should probably go to a different bar, maybe. I don't know.”

“You can't be serious right now.”

“This is everything I feared my entire life, Buck,” Tommy admitted and, God, he wished he could shut up right now. The pain pills were starting to make him a little loose lipped, mixed with him truly being alone with Buck for the first time since they broke up, mixed with an undeniable fear every time he thought about that night, seemed to make it impossible to close his mouth. “I did everything to make sure nothing like this would ever happen to me and it still did. I keep thinking about it and wondering how it could have been different. How I could have been different.”

“Tommy, can you look at me?”

Slowly, Tommy looked up at Buck, his eyes shining with tears.

“This was not your fault. There's nothing you could or should have done differently. You cannot let those five men shove you back into a closet.”

“I-” Tommy cleared his throat. “They're not. It's just... a lot right now.”

“I get that, I- I do. You look tired. Why don't you rest for a bit, okay? I'll be here when you wake up.”

“Buck, you don't-”

“If you tell me I don't need to stay I will force feed you bone broth when you wake up.”

Tommy shivered. “Ugh! I hate bone broth.”

“I know you do.” Buck gently pulled a pillow out from under Tommy, allowing him to lie back easier. “Close your eyes, get some rest. I'm here when you need me.”

*****

They were bound to fight sometime. Tommy had honestly expected it to happen sooner. Buck had been staying with him for three weeks now, only gone when he was working a shift. Bobby had let him work part time for now, with Carla caring for him when Buck was gone.

They'd managed to get past the initial awkwardness. Buck rambled about any and every subject he could think of. They'd watch movies together on the couch, with Tommy falling asleep halfway through due to his pain meds.

Buck would get Tommy tucked in bed, then set himself up on Tommy's floor in case he was needed during the night. Tommy had tried to insist he use the spare room, but Buck wouldn't hear of it. He knew Tommy wouldn't call for him if he needed him through the night.

Then Tommy tried to suggest he sleep in the bed. But that was a no go because, “I kick, Tommy, you know this. Do you really want another knee surgery?”

They'd been focused on Tommy getting better. And they'd been ignoring the many, many elephants in the room.

So, a fight was expected.

What wasn't expected was for the fight to start because Tommy needed to pee.

Buck had seemed a bit more on edge today, but Tommy chalked that up to a shift that ran longer than expected.

Tommy had grabbed his crutches, which he'd just been able to start using to go short distances. He still didn't quite trust himself to use them at night, but he was working toward relying on them more and relying on people less.

When he stood, Buck immediately stood with him.

“I'm fine, Buck. I just need to go to the bathroom.”

“I'll help you there.”

“I'm really fine. I can get there by myself.”

Tommy was sure he had kept his tone neutral. He definitely didn't want an argument tonight. But, before he could even make it two steps, he heard Buck scoff. “Not surprised.”

And maybe it was the full bladder making him extra bitchy, but Tommy couldn't help turning around and asking, “What's that mean?”

Buck shrugged, crossing his arms over his chest. “Nothing.”

“Obviously it's not nothing. If it were nothing you wouldn't have said anything in the first place. What doesn't surprise you?”

“Just you, ya know, pushing people away. It's what you do.”

“Ha!” Tommy laughed out. “If I'm pushing people away then I really suck at it because you haven't left my house in three weeks. I just need to pee.”

“I'm not talking about right now. I'm talking about me telling you that I loved you and you breaking up with me.”

How in the hell did they end up here?

“You didn't tell me you loved me, Evan!” Tommy exclaimed, unbelievably confused. The sudden change in tone caused Buck to take a step back.

He was only thrown off for a second, quick with a retort. “Of course I did!”

“No, you absolutely did not! You asked me to move in with you, but you did not tell me you loved me.”

“Wait. You asked him to move in with you?” Eddie's voice had them glaring in his direction. Both had forgotten he was even there in the first place. He raised his hands. “Sorry.”

“Well, I- it was obviously implied,” Buck argued. “I wouldn't have asked you to move in if I didn't love you.”

“How the hell was I supposed to know that?! You were making it sound like I was some gay hero that sewed the first pride flag! I don't even go to pride events, Evan! All the colors are far too bright and the glitter never leaves you.”

“Glitter is really annoying,” Eddie agreed.

Tommy pointed a crutch at him. “Thank you.”

“I was not trying to make you out to be some gay hero, Tommy! I was telling you that I was comfortable with you. I was telling you I wanted to spend all my time with you. I wanted us to be together!”

“You didn't even think it through, Evan!” Tommy motioned around the room. “I own a home. It comes with two bedrooms that have doors, a garage, a back yard, and two and a half bathrooms. You asked me to move into your loft.”

Eddie shook his head. “Oh, Buck.”

Buck's eyes shot over to him. “You're still here why?”

Eddie stood from his spot on the couch, grabbing his coat. “Yeah, I'm going. Later.”

They both stayed silent until they heard the door open and close.

Buck opened his mouth, closed it, then opened it again. “This is our first fight, isn't it?”

Tommy nodded. “It is.”

“Took us long enough.”

Tommy managed a small smile. “Probably should have fought you that night, honestly.”

“I think I would have felt better if you did.”

“Me too.” Tommy took a deep breath. “I actually really do have to pee,” he said, shifting from one crutch to the other. “Can we pause this until I'm done?”

Buck nodded. “I'll be here.”

They didn't actually fight anymore after that. It was time for Tommy to take his meds, which made him tired, and Buck was tired himself from his shift. Tommy laid in bed, Buck snoring on the floor beside him, thinking it all over. All the things he still felt like he needed to say. The unfinished business they had between them.

The fight wasn't much, but it was something.

It was enough.

For now.

*****

“Are you sure you're good on your own?” Buck asked as Tommy limped behind him toward the door.

“I'm sure. I can successfully do everything on my own now with minimal to no pain.”

Buck turned back to him quickly, eyes wide. “But there's still pain?”

Tommy smiled. “I'm fine, Evan.”

Buck didn't look so sure. “Okay, I... Okay.” Instinctively, he moved forward to wrap Tommy in a hug. He stopped himself before he got too close, but Tommy responded by opening his arms.

Buck's posture relaxed as he gently wrapped his arms around Tommy, careful not to squeeze too tightly. "I was so worried about you," he whispered in the space between them.

"I know."

“You'll call the number I gave you?” he asked.

“I already did yesterday,” Tommy admitted. “When you went out to pick up dinner. My first session is next Monday.”

“Good. That's... That's good.”

“Thank you, Evan. For everything you've done for me. You didn't have to do that.”

Reluctantly, Buck pulled himself away from Tommy.

“Did you realize you've been calling me Evan since our fight a couple weeks ago?” he asked, lips upturning into a smile.

“Oh, um,” Tommy shifted on his feet, taking the pressure off his bad knee. “Sorry. Habit.”

“Don't be sorry. I hate when you call me Buck.”

“You do?”

“Yeah. I'll always- I wanna be Evan, to you.”

Tommy nodded, staring into Evan's eyes. “Okay. That's. I'd like that too.”

Buck continued toward the door, stopping again as soon as his hand touched the handle. He looked back. “Hey, Tommy?”

“Yeah?”

“Next time you think about texting me... hit send, okay?”

Tommy had never mentioned that before. But he'd caught Buck's near-texts to him too, so it didn't quite catch him off guard. “I'm kinda a mess, Evan. I'm not as comfortable as you think I am. I'm not... I'm still figuring things out.”

“That's okay. I am too. Text me anyway.”

“Even if I'm asking you out for a coffee? So we can talk? Really talk?”

“Date and time, I'll be there.” Buck smiled softly at him as he opened the door to leave. “I'll get your order right this time.”

[foone]

I need to make an app or a site or something and become a silicon valley millionaire. Not because I need the money (God knows I do), but because I have a lot of artist/writer/developer friends and ideas for commissions and I need to throw money at them.

Here's a bunch of money, go make that comic. Take a couple hundred thousand and finish that cool sidescroller without having to worry about your day job.

That's the only kind of wealth I dream of: the kind that'd let me be an enthusiastic and indiscriminate patron of the arts.

It's just that instead of the old style of patron where I just want paintings of me looking regal or whatever, it's weird BDSM comics about gay wolves, or video games about femboy automation.

[dukeofdelirium]

I will never believe Zu/tara shippers when they say they hate Kata/aang because it's "heteronormative" since one of the main complaints Kata/aang gets from them is that "no 14 year old girl would wanna date a bald boy who's younger and shorter then her" or how Aang gets called a bald lesbian as an insult. Idk man I think Katara ending up with the bad boy with anger issues who is most stereotypically masculine of all the Gaang boys and who she spends most of the story hating for hurting her and her friends (who also personally betrayed her trust when she tried to help him). Idk man I think if these two got together that'd be a lot more heteronormative, especially since they only became friends an ep before the finale started. I think Katara and Aang's relationship has writing issues too (I have a lot of gripes I'm not coming at this as a shipper) but it takes a particular kind of ship brainrot to argue Zuta/ra end game would have made more sense or been a better end game with the canon we are given. And arguing it's somehow less heteronormative to make Zuko get together with Katara. I can't with this fandom.

if either of these two ships fit the definition of heteronormativity, it’s zvtara, not kataang. Aang does not fit the western male character type. He is short, shaves his head, is pacifistic, and quite feminine compared to the other male characters. He gets insulted for doing things that characters deem as “feminine”, like weaving jewelry for one.

the show doesn’t actually support this idea that femininity is bad, but characters like Sokka who have narrow viewpoints early in the story try to ridicule him. toph also makes jabs at Aang’s femininity.

Zvtara shippers argument has never been about heteronormativity. It’s always been “misogyny”. The only reason they’re adopting heteronormativity in their list of vocab words they still don’t know the definitions of is bc most of us kataang shippers on here (tumblr) are gay, bisexual, etc. And because we, as majority lgbt ppl have stated that their ship is heteronormative, they just want to flip that to use against us even when it doesn’t apply.

Kataang simply doesn’t follow a typical m/f ship in terms of writing, characters or how they interact with one another. Which is by and large why it has been so hated by these idiots. They wanna say “muhhh heteronormativity” but in the same breath ridicule Aang’s femininity, say he isn’t masculine enough for her, call him a lesbian etc to undermine the ship. Just as they say “muhhh male gaze” when most kataang shippers are actually women, because most ppl involved in shipping communities and fandoms in general are women.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but I only know of a couple of male kataang shippers on here, myself being one of them. Ships and fandoms are very much and have always been a female dominated community. That’s for any fandom or any ship I’ve seen.

Their arguments are ridiculous and make no sense. It’s just like when some zvtara idiot was in my inbox harassing me for being a man and was saying that I’m an incel and that I hate women and want to rape women….. when I’m fucking GAY! Nothing they say makes sense or is canonical, so I’ve long since stopped taking anything they say seriously. It’s just free entertainment at this point.

Full offense but I don’t need a bunch of straight girls to tell me what heteronormativity means 😂

[aku-soul]

WARNING P5R SPOILERS AHEAD GO PLAY THE GAME FOR YOURSELF AND SKIP THIS POST IF YOU DONT WANNA BE SPOILED

So anyways I finished persona 5 royal a couple days ago, here's my thoughts:

Absolutely amazing game, I loved it so dang much and I'm so sad it's over. And now, onto the character reviews

Ren Amamiya (protag): It's me! But man do I feel even worse for what he had to go through. Seriously, going to jail twice, temporarily losing his memory and hoping that he would get stuff right... Dude the scene where akechi shot me gave me chills it was done so well. I was seriously about to cry thinking I messed up. Also, if I was joker at the end of sem 3 after I graduated I would immediately come back to leblanc because coffee dad duh.

Sojiro Sakura: HE CALLED ME FAMILY, COFFEE DAD CALLED ME FAMILY OH MY GOD BEST DAY EVER. I love dad so much. It was so sweet when he cried after I left, that almost made me cry too.

Ann Takamaki: Yeah she sure does exist, uh huh. I barely interacted with her... I don't think her phantom thief outfit helped at all with that issue.

Morgana: Congrats on finally becoming human for a while dude. Also him being part of the velvet room was not something I expected. At all. Also when he was about to disappear I almost freaking cried what the hell. You can't do that to me game. AND THEY DID IT TWICE. Those scenes made me realize how much I actually care for morgana the cat (cue "I AM NOT A CAT")

Futaba: SISTER SHE IS MY SISTER! I am going to feel so weird when I romance her for completions sake... I love the bond her and I have as siblings. She did such a good job growing up within such a short amount of time, I am so proud. Also holy hell was she smart with the akechi phone thing. No wonder she did something so out of character in that moment.

Makoto: I am going to beat up Eiko's boyfriend so hard. I never finished her story though, I got up to level 8 with her. Eh whatever there's always next playthrough. Her heals are pretty good, to bad I hardly ever use her.

Igor (both false and real): Dude I could not get over the real igors voice, please give me back the fake igors voice that one sounded so much better seriously. Also I checked and igor is indeed voiced by dad from fe3h love that. The boss fight for him though freaking sucked, like can you please stop giving my cat lust with your gun, seriously?

Haru: I'm gonna be completely honest, I didn't start her confidant till like 5 days before the final battle because I thought I'd need her for true ending (I thought true ending required all confidants, better save than sorry). Honestly, no real opinion on her. She certainly does exist. I wonder if the vegetables she grows are any good... If they're for sp that'd be nice because sp recovery items are so hard to come by.

The twins (and lavenza): Dude I nearly cried when I had to execute the twins, it felt so sad. But hey, at least I got lavenza out of it. I'm guessing she's the one who wrote the list then. Also her avatar in persona 5 tactica is so cute.

Ichiko: Drunk aunt type. I got close to finishing her storyline but didn't. Whatever. I hate how she's an option for romance but my harem bois aren't??? What is this atrocity.

Kawakami: Yeah look I don't care if you're getting threatened by the mafia or loan sharks or whatever. Please stop texting me "Hello master!" when you said yourself you don't want the history on my phone to be available. I only got two things in because my god am I super uncomfortable with calling my teacher up for maid services...

Hifumi: If I didn't hc joker as super gay for my harem bois (I will explain who those people are later) she'd probably be the one I'd ship him with. I like her a lot honestly, she might be my favorite romanceable option.

Tae Takemi: Her ex boss fucking sucks, get off your high horse dude. At least we managed to change his heart and get her back on track. I'm hc'ing miwa chan as continuing to visit Tae even after she gets better and eventually following in Tae's footsteps and helps out around the clinic.

Iwai: GUN UNCLE GUN UNCLE. Him giving me a gecko at the end had me tearing up. He considers me family too oh my god. Also hell yeah I got a cousin out of that deal. I love uncle Iwai so much.

Mishima: I maxed him out and then promptly forgot about him. Seriously, when the scene of him petitioning for signatures happened I immediately thought "oh shit yeah mishima is a person who exists". Sorry mishima...

Yoshida: Yeah, I started him and that was about it. I really don't care about him at all if I'm being honest. I will have to eventually level him up though... Next playthrough

Shinya: Woo younger brother alert. I'm so proud that he gave back the money he took from other kids and apologized too. Good job Shinya, you did good.

Maruki: Ugh his character arc was so good. Dude the 2/2 reveal broke my heart I was so tempted to take the offer, but I knew I couldn't. But dude. Why are you a taxi driver at the end. What is the reason for that what.

Ryuji: HAREM BOI NUMBER ONE BABY!!!! The numbers don't matter it's just when we got introduced to em. I love him so much. In tactica I was able to "marry" him and I was so excited that I took screenshots. Dude when he saved us in shido's palace and we thought he died I almost cried. I love Ryuji so much.

Yusuke: HAREM BOI NUMBER TWO BABY!!!! He is so gay I love him. At the end when he gave me his painting I teared up. I absolutely love him so much. A great addition to the harem bois. Best artist boi.

Akechi: WHY MY GUY FUCKING WHY! HAREM BOI NUMBER THREE!!!! You were the reason why I was so tempted to take Maruki's offer, don't treat your life as if it was nothing. Also you don't hate me you love me admit it. Robbie Daymon does such a good job on everday akechi I love it so much. I leveled him up as soon as I could. Also because of the ending he's still alive and no one can change my mind, I *need* him to be alive. Dude I bougth tactica and the dlc just so I could see him again. I love akechi so freaking much. Also his official va and joker's official va made a cover song together and it's so good I am obsessed and I have seen some good things made out of it.

I think that's all? If anyone wants me to give my opinion on anyone else I will. Anyways back to playing tactica and once I finish that it's onto strikers

[jacks-little-jacky]

hiii could i request a headcanon (or fic) of jack & yami playing fuck, marry, kill (and they ask each other about fellow captains/Julius/Marx/Owen/Mereo included) thank u!! kekeke 💚

Fuck, Marry, Kill | Jack & Yami Shenanigans

I love this. Yes. Please ask me for bestie-content of my idiots. Also reading this a couple days later I just noticed I missed Owen, fuck, so sorry.

Warnings: consumption of alcohol, the men are talking and arguing about their choices and it's a shallow game, the b in their bromance almost escaping, mentioning of "this was so gay lmao"

Jack was spread over the couch of the black bull's base, the sun had already left for the darkness as he and the other Captain shared a few more drinks. They talked and chatted, the tension of the meeting regarding border secrutiy sliding off their shoulders.

"Yeah, did you see Nozel? He was all like 'My squad and I will rise up to the need..' ... Ugh, why does he talk like that?", Jack mocked. "Cause he's a fancy little prince with his fancy little prince talk.", Yami giggled.

"Fancy little braid.", Jack muttered before breaking out in a laughter. Yami couldn't help but howl out a laugh too. "But it's kinda cute, no? He has it done every morning just to be a presentable prince." Yami chuckled. "Very cute. Just like a shiny bird. Just too bad he can't attract a mate.", Jack snorted.

"He can't? That's news to me." "Yeah well, he doesn't have one. So he can't attract one he wants?" Jack changed his thought.

"Okay but I don't get his fanclub. Is it like... a bunch of groupies who wants him to step on them with those sandals?", Yami chuckled, leaning back in his seat before taking another swig of beer. "God, urk... Why do ya' make me imagine this?" "Do you like it, scarface?"

"No!" Jack yelled out before sticking out his tongue to illustrate his distaste. Yami couldn't help but further laugh at his friend's disgust.

"Ah... I have an idea." Yami mused. Jack raised an eyebrow at this, waiting for the bull to continue. "Fuck, marry, kill. Our pretty bird, William and the little one, Rill.", Yami mused. Jack thought for a while. "... You make me feel weird saying this but Fuck William, Marry Nozel and kill Rill.", Jack said after a while.

"Care to elaborate?" Yami asked, trying to hold in a laugh. "Rill is too young for me. What am I? A nobel? I'm not thinking about someone younger than twenty in that way, that's weird... So kill, besides he's kind of annoying." Jack reasons which makes Yami nod. "And Nozel... Well... He's a pretty bird. And imagine him married to me, that'd be his worst nightmare. That would be hilarious."

"So you'd marry Nozel just to spite him?" "And cut off his braid when he sleeps, keke!" Jack laughed which Yami heartily joined in. "What about you?"

"Honestly, kill Rill too, same reason. Marry William and fuck Nozel. I don't think seeing Nozel all that much would do me any good." Yami mused which Jack could only confirm in a nod.

"Me next," Jack decided, thinking for a moment about the next three candidates, "Dorothy, Charlotte, and Mereoleona." "All the girls, I see... Ugh... I don't know where to place Sisleon..." "Just kill her off?", Jack suggested. "I can't. I can't fuck or marry Dorothy, she's always asleep, that would be weird."

By now it was clear both of these men were thinking for this game.

"Okay... Kill Mereleona, fuck Charlotte, and marry Dorothy.", Yami decided after a while. "I think Dorothy would be chill, and I don't have to fuck her. Like... platonic marriage, we just say we completed the wedding. Or she wakes up, I don't know."

Jack nodded, thinking about his answer. "Honestly with the asleep point, you kinda did something. Kill Dorothy, fuck Mereoleona, and marry Charlotte, keke." "Marry Charlotte?", Yami asked with a raised brow.

"She's cute, isn't she?", Jack answered. "And I like tough women, keke." "I can see where you're coming from but... If you like tough how come you didn't pick Sisleon?" "I know Charlotte better." Jack shrugged it off.

"Oh?" "We patrolled together sometimes when our people were busy preparing for the exam.", Jack added before rolling his eyes.

"Okay... Fuegoleon, Kaiser and... me?", Yami suggested before chuckling. "... You're so weird, keke." Jack mumbled. "Are you like into me or why do you put yourself in the roster?" "We're out of people, scrawny dude!"

"... Alright... Uhh... Kill Kaiser, I'm not about to homewreck for someone like that." Jack muttered. "Like that?" "Aw c'mon he's boring! Maybe the missus is satisfied but I wouldn't be!... Anyways, kill Kaiser, fuck Fuegoleon and... Marry... You?", Jack said, getting a lot quieter towards the end. "Aw, are you blushing?", Yami asked before laughing loudly.

"Shut up! I'm not! It's just weird, keke!" Jack answered laughing too.

"Alright, for the roster; Me, Marx and our dear chief, Julius.", Jack said with a cocky grin. "... Julius? Are you serious?" Yami asked with a deadpan face which send Jack into a laughing fit.

"Man up to the challenge, keke!" "Alright, alright!", Yami called, raising his hands in the air, "Fuck Marx, Kill Julius because I can't do the other two with him, and Marry you."

"Aww, you'd marry me." Jack cooed before strechting out his tongue. "Go away and kill yourself.", Yami shot back as he watched Jack stumble off the couch toward him.

"Aww, don't be like that. Give your husband a kiss.", Jack giggled before creeping above Yami, caging him in his seat underneath the taller man.

"Jack, what the-" "Awww, are you blushing?", Jack teased, using the same tone Yami had pulled earlier on him. He leaned in a little. "Are you sure you're not into me?"

"Very.", Yami said before shoving Jack back by his face. The taller man stumbled back laughing before letting himself fall on the couch again.

There was a certain silence hanging in the air between them before Jack spoke up again. "This was the gayest fuck, marry, kill I've ever played, not gonna lie."

Yami couldn't help but laugh too and nod along.

[olderthannetfic]

My experiences with DreamWidth fandom spaces are the same as my experiences with DreamWidth RP: a lot of people talk about wanting more people to post, missing the old days, and disliking fandom puritanism, but don't interact with others much and, when someone disagrees with them, decide that this is the end of the world. I've seen people in DWRP angry at other people for disagreements from up to 12 years ago. I've seen people in DW fandom spaces vaguepost about specific people they're mad at for disagreeing with them from up to 8 years ago. Neither reaction makes me go, "Ah, yes, this is where I want to hang out", because I just don't fucking care. When someone confronts me about traumatizing them because I said I didn't find X character as engaging as Y or I think it's possible Character A is bi and not gay/lesbian default and it's been 5 years, my first thought is almost always, "I'm sorry, who?" and not, "OMG I feel so bad let me apologize for this!" Not apologizing doesn't go over well, so it's off to gossip to their friends in DMs and on other sites about how someone else totally said this, that and the other thing too and it was super mean.

IDK, maybe I'm just old (I did just turn 30) but I look at this kind of drama and all I can think is, "I don't care and I don't have the energy to engage with this." It doesn't help that I meet people on DW who are self-identified fandom olds (usually that means they're 40-ish) who complain about yaoi fangirls/"fujoshits" and call female characters who've had multiple sexual partners "cockhops" and assume anyone writing f/f is a "neckbeard". This is still less sensitive than antis are, but there's still a lot of moralizing things you don't like and reading into what someone writes in order to judge them as a person.

Between that and the very low level of overall engagement it kind of feels not worth it? I'm not seeing what the benefit is. Making fandom friends is fairly difficult on DW and when you do, losing them is as easy as not having seen something, not liking a pairing or not caring about something (contentious canons, especially). I'm sure someone's having a great time but to me it's sort of like shouting into the void, except sometimes the void calls you a fujoshit neckbeard and never elaborates on how that'd work.

--

DW's moment as a potential community hub has come and gone, in my opinion. Now, it's just the people who can't hack it on other platforms plus some legacy uses that DW is good for that other sites aren't.

I did make more of an effort to make fetch happen in the past, but it became apparent that a lot of the people who are primarily on DW are not people I want to make that effort for. I've got a couple of old friends still hanging out there because they like very text-based internet stuff, and good for them, but overall... yeah... the vibe just isn't that great a lot of the time.

I used to advocate getting a DW just to have a place to link your other social media in case your tumblr is suddenly deleted due to mysterious tumblr enforcement shenanigans... but honestly, I could probably use my AO3 profile for that just as well.

I'm glad DW is still around, and I hope it continues to be. I don't regret my seed account. But it's just not something I use actively in the 2020s.

[the-unknown-void]

How do I title this without sounding like a freak?

Drone Reproduction Headcanons/theories (NOT-NSFW)

You know when something presents you a fictional species and establishes that said species can reproduce. Immediately your brain starts intrusively pondering "Man I wonder how that works."

I say intrusively because it's not like I WANTED to think about it, but I've got a curious brain and it can end up kind of interesting.

Now what the hell is this about? Murder Drones, yeah, robots.

Warning: My headcanons/theories for this are ENTIRELY SFW but I will add a "keep reading" divider regardless. also this is just so I can ramble, note that none of this is canon and it purely my own ponderings.

Let's get a few things out of the way: THEY DO NOT HAVE GENITALS, AND THEY DO NOT NEED TO DO THE NASTY! While I definitely think humans would totally make robots that do that(because we're freaks), I'm just going to ignore that lmao.

You've probably seen this idea before, and I've heard something about the creator mentioning it but I don't have Twitter so I have don't really know.

I had an idea for this already, but also this post(TW: Implied Miscarriage) by @tomahachi12 gives it more detail. I already had an idea for the parent drones to hook themselves up with a cord, and copy both their code into.. something. But I didn't really think of how the actual baby came to be.

But now thanks to them, I've gotten a full idea.

They get the pill baby/baby drone shell or whatever you wanna call it beforehand. Use a specialized cord to connect each other and the baby drone Start the data transfer to the baby drone and after an hour or several, baby is officially a conscious being that'll slowly grow up!

What does this mean? Gay couples can reproduce just as easily as their hetero counterparts, nothing special required! (Am still pondering if more or less than 2 parents could be possible too)

Those afflicted with the Absolute Solver(Like Uzi, Nori, Doll, and Yeva) will have MUCH more difficulty successfully conceiving due to corrupted data.

So what about Disassembly Drones?

Since disassembly drones used to be worker drones at some point, they would still technically have the necessary code to be able to reproduce.. however, it would be unused, and they would lack port for the specialized cord. As they are mainly cloned, meaning they don't have a need to reproduce themselves. Also they don't have their own baby-forms, they'd have to use a worker drone baby-shell.. How that would effect its appearance growing up, I don't really.. know.

They'd have to be altered slightly in order to actually use that old code for reproduction, but this wouldn't be too difficult, as they mainly just need that port.

Can a Worker Drone and a Disassembly Drone reproduce? (cough cough, N/Uzi, cough cough)

Uhhh.. I'm sorry people but the answer is probably not. umu

While disassembly drones were once worker drones, they still have loads of differences in data that'd scramble the whole process, similar to being afflicted with the Absolute Solver.

And quick note for Uzi specifically: Combined with her situation where she's basically fused with Cyn now.. she's effectively infertile, sorry. That's a LOT wrong going on.

Best case scenario is that the child of a worker drone and disassembly drone would not take on any disassembly drone traits, only being a worker drone.

Conclusion?

Don't let this stop you from making any fan-kids or.. imagining other processes, wink wonk. Ahem- This is purely my own thoughts and ideas based on the show and things I made up in my head.

If you disagree, that's fine. If you like these ideas and want to use them? Go ahead, they definitely aren't original anyways.

Some may be saddened by the fact my headcanons disable Nuzi children- and while I don't personally think Uzi would ever want kids, may I present you an idea: surrogate V. Since she is also a disassembly drone like N, and is unafflicted with the Absolute Solver. Hehe.

Have fun doing whatever you want with this.

[her-acts-of-cruelty]

HIII i love eddie so much i have this scenario bouncing around my poor little brain about like him sitting out in the rain because he doesn’t want to be in the house and the reader who’s the neighbor that moved in after eddie went to jail and they like invite him inside and give him some soup and tea :-) give that man a nice cozy time. he deserves it

HI SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG I HAVE BEEN A BUSY LITTLE BOY!

I really liked the idea, I've done a little spin on how I thought Eddie deserved at least one friend who tried to help him. Am I exploring the concept of him being gay and leaving his wife for me? That's for me to know. I'm hoping this reaches the right audience, because I love men and men should love me too.

Also if you have more ideas you should send them. For chatacter ai bots or fics.

Synopsis: bringing an old friend in for a cuppa after seeing him get caught in the rain. Pre established friendship and !???

Cw: some language, mention of beer, but overall its tame

-------------------

You'd never really had a significant reputation in Chadder. You drifted outside the community, maybe it was your age, but you never really felt close with the village.

Aside from Eddie that is.

You used to work next door to his garage, in the little shop. Passing each other each frosty morning turned into combining your routes. Your radiating presence most certainly a stark contrast from the long and dull day he had alone. So walking to work with each other soon turned into going for a pint together to celebrate the day.

You'd exchange stories, little artifacts from each others day. Sometimes there'd be gossip, things You'd over heard in the shop with the things his loose lipped customers would mumble as he worked on their cars. Other times he'd tell you about his kids, what they'd been up to at school and how proud he was of his growing girls. You two made it work.

That was, until he disappeared.

His incarceration was much to your surprise and it seemed you were the only one who had your doubts. You chalked that up to why the residents went a little quiet when you walked by.

Things became a lot slower without Eddie. Your routine had suddenly been lost, your source of the news gone- it seemed as though you were well and truly alone.

By whatever sick twist of luck though, five years had passed and Eddie was out.

Your stomach churned when you first lay eyes on him, your body unsure of how to react- so you did the one logical thing. You stayed away from him.

You avoided him like the plague, worried about all the stewing feelings that had blossomed in his absence. It ate up at you quickly though, the way his face dropped when you turned around and marched off made you wish you could choke up your insides and never dream again.

It went on like this for a couple weeks. Now that spring was approaching, the rainy season was in full swing. You hid in your house most of the time anyway, but hearing the sudden large rain drops on the windows made your expression drop. You bolted outside to grab your drying washing off the line that'd been put up in your front garden. As you cursed yourself, something out the corner of your eye stuck out.

Eddie.

Alone.

You bit your lip and brought your things inside, tossing them carelessly into a basket by the washing machine. The rain wasn't slowing down, its aggressive downpour had you praying Eddie had left that spot and rushed home.

When you checked out the window though, he was still slumped against one of the black metal fences- trying his best to smoke a drooping cigarette.

Your stomach did another backflip as you decided what to do. You couldn't just leave him there to freeze, could you? You got a few more curses out of your system before kicking off some shoes and marching into the rain.

"Eddie?"  You called out as you approached him, the look of panic across his face told you all you needed to hear.

"(Name)- I didn't know you uh- it's raining why are you out 'ere?" He scrambled up off the floor, feeling sorry for himself as he came to his full height.

"Could ask you the same, what's going on? Shouldn't you be with the wife?"

He winced, "ah- its just a bit right now"

You nodded, watching him slowly get more soaked, "you should come back for a cuppa yknow, you're gonna catch your death out here like that"

He wanted to fight you, wanted you to know he belonged to be out here, fighting for warmth like the animal he is.

But also he wanted a warm cup of tea.

So he picked himself off the ground and looked down at you, expecting you to lead. You sigh once more and gesture for him to follow you back inside your house.

He kicks his boots off at the door and let  his eyes wander the walls. It's almost like he'd left his troubles outside, the way a childlike wonder filled him. You hadn't changed much since he'd left, and he liked that.

You'd already made it to the kitchen, working on tea, "Eddie? I might have a few things of yours in my wardrobe soon if you want something a hit warmer to slip into?" His gaze left the walls and met yours, nodding softly, "Yeah that'd uhm-" "Where they usually are, help yourself," You gestured for him for him head upstairs.

A light must have turned on, maybe this was the first sense of familiarity he'd been allowed to chase

. Gentle footsteps made their way down the floor and the hulking man now standing before you in some grey joggers and tee.

"Thank you- you don't know how much it-" "I heard about what happened, I didn't know how to approach it," you blurted, your body clearly wanting to rid the words from  it's festering wound.

He furrowed his brows a little, "is that why you've you've avoiding me like everyone else?"

"It's not like everyone else, you know it never has been-"

"Then what is it?"

"Eddie your tea is going cold-" you tried to shrug him off.

That wasn't the answer he was looking for, you saw it in the way his expression slowly sunk, "do you think I'm a monster too?"

"No! It's just- fucking hell Eddie, I just haven't been well without you." He slowly sat down onnthe couch at that.

Silence choked the room as you took the note to sit beside him. He pulled you close, fingertips caressing your side as he grabbed you. His head rested on yours and for a moment you felt... at peace? You're not sure what it was, but you sighed and got closer.

"You know I didn't uhm-" he tried to break the silence, an attempt to reassure you.

"Yeah I do, tried to get you proven innocent."

He didn't seem to surprised by the notion, "thank you."

[thewickedbohemian]

Thoughts on a magickal (in more ways than one) Brilliant Minds that got my brain a-whirring with symbolism and what things could all mean

ok where's your dad Wolf

nesting, so the thing they did on Extended Family (also NBC show, sadly cancelled last season) has a name

if we didn't know Wolf was gay I'd wonder if that was a play for him

relationship with the job I guess

so we're really trying for scientific proof of Van's issues

no kid?

guess she was too distracted to hear

god pregnancy pacts are creepy

nice handy-dandy slideshow

so Dana's got trauma

do they really all have to go

a little bit of weird gen Z writing

looks like there was a decidedly nonprofessional spark

ok Dana's panic attack looked full Carrie

dude, you're evaluating the patient not his attending

ok things just got real scary real fast

Van probably get out of there but don't let them baby you

creepy singing is creepy

so friendship is magic (but let's hope they don't have to go that far to bond)

And we have significator-y cards for all of them (Queen Of Swords for Ericka, Knight Of Cups for Jacob, Three Of Swords for Van, The Hanged Man for Dana and Death for Wolf), interested to see if those keep symbolic relevance down the line/what else could be drawn from their meanings beyond those challenges

did the death card have something to do with it

Dana's got a sister (even more lore)

bunch of teenage witches taking pregnancy pact up a notch

and the mystery girl's going into actual labor

Wolf's got a date and Carol's acting like a reverse GBF

identity revealed and could Wolf have been any more awkward

between Wolf, Van and this spell we've got a bit of an empathy-magic motif here

as some people predicted but not as bad Van's getting a little bit of labor-pain-by-proxy

but he still can take charge

Carol's got a potential date too but she needs to tame a wolf

and now panic attacks

everybody's healing

Wolf, follow your arcana, don't blow this

interns havin' a party and Van's entirely too proud of himself

anchor thing giving me Cassandra flashbacks and wondering if it's meant to be taken as a shiptease or not and wondering what Van's sexuality might even be (and hey if he were bi that'd be more Cass connection as he already has synesthesia)

so that's the tragedy of Dana's backstory and the principal should not have freaking done that

though now Dana's sister having a name that's the female version of Wolf's first name has got me thinking about connections between them with the loss and the substance-use-connections and the similar-outsider-y-ness and even with the tarot cards earlier if those end up meaning more Dana and Wolf were the only two who got Major Arcana cards (perhaps foreshadowing a sibling-esque connection forming) and now I'm wondering since it's unlikely it's a death-related thing what Dana's fear of stillness will turn out to be

not saying the fandom should force it if they don't want to but I wonder if "coven" could be the equivalent fandom term to what "ducklings" is for House but I've realized "wolf pack"/"cubs" (for just the interns) works better if the fandom doesn't use that to plunge into omegaverse hell

everybody's popping bottles

now I feel called out with my books and my music and stuff for similar sort of wanting to be alone

it's cute when guy and girl can just be friends and have what'd otherwise be couple-coded interaction

looks like we might be getting a pure-or-at-least-mainly mythology episode next week

[ripley-lv426]

It sucks that no one I know is super excited about Pride Month. I am. I signed up for a few gay 5ks which I know I'll love.

If anyone who sees this wants to throw some more happy gay shit at me, feel free. I know somebody on here wants to immerse themselves in exploding rainbows. I can't be the only one.

Additionally, if YOU feel like you don't know anyone excited about Pride Month and are feeling alone - you aren't. I'll celebrate with you. I'm friendly. Feel free to litter my timeline with Destiel or any other pairing that brings you joy. Or maybe it's not a couple at all. Maybe you just bought a Pride-themed bandana for your dog. That'd be rad too - show me!

Or maybe you drew something awesome! I wanna see it. Ooooh, what if you wrote something? I'll read it.

Anyway, happy Pride!

[baladric]

in the spirit of 2024 art wraps actually, here's the sparkling top notes of character sketches for my in-progress book 🥹

introduction blurbs under the cut if you're interested!! they are. all i care about.

in order from top left to bottom right, glossing over the couple duplicates

MELECH PEL-AHN VIÇ ÇIMELLA

lawful good made manifest, melech is a career soldier reeling his way along with a mélange of battles scars, while the world moves farther and farther away from the moral and balanced justice he believes in—and which has begun to challenge that belief, as he realizes that sin and goodness are much muddier waters than he thought.

TAVI QAN

freighted with secrets on secrets on secrets, tavi is a cautionary tale on legs, as well as the wikihow on how not to cope with the stress of compulsive people-pleasing (and every other blessed thing.) what more is there to say? haha jk there's at least 90,000 words of things to say, but that'd be spoilers 😌

KITELLA PEL-FAR EVITT

they say the scribes of anniall are the incorruptible breath of the cosmic body of the gods, and also that this belief has just been summarily shattered by a single man. but kitt, for his part, rejects the idea that he has been corrupted. saint anniall of the sotheren star would want nothing to do with this age of empire and oppression, kitt will tell you. saint anniall would spurn a leadership that has strayed so far from the tenets of harmony and compassionate community, kitt will say. saint anniall would—so kitt asserts (and rightly so)—prize and encourage the underground resistance trying to incite a labor revolution. anniall, too, would pen an aching, cutting manifesto and inspire a movement-wide rebrand in the name of the long-lost friend of his youth. he, too, would [squints at smudge handwriting] land himself a death sentence by military tribunal and lose everything he holds dear in the escape. or something like that.

MINA YLL-SHEVRASK

don't let the youthful portrait fool you—mina is well into her middle years now, and the decades have put the world is on its knees for her. imagine magic. now imagine breaking magic and making it all over again for your own pleasure. imagine keeping the secret of it to yourself while you build greater and wilder things. imagine giving those things to the rising storm of a bastard daughter-turned calamity, remaking the world in your own twined images. also, imagine being super duper gay married to her while you burn the world to its struts 💕

QAILLANI IIKHAL

princess? wife? mother? hah! she's tried it all and walked away, and what regrets she once had, she has swallowed down as bitter pith to be passed. watch out for the cormorants, by the way. they know more about our players than anyone can guess.

AMAAN YLL-SHEVRASK

khai'eş. khai'eş? listen, she didn't pick the name. she has an ego on her, sure, and hubris enough for any homeric antihero—but even she's not enough of a cock-swinger to name herself after the thing feared most by sailors across the khimell sea. or, well... what used to be the most feared thing. that title goes to her now, with her spellwrought ship and her bloody-handed crew and the mage of the isles for a wife. too bad she's grown sooo complacent in the keeping of that other two-headed secret, though.

THEODORA KOSTAS

you could say a lot of things about theo, but you probably shouldn't say them to her face. fractious, viciously smart and just as quick with her fists as her tongue, she ran out of patience for being undermined years ago and has no qualms about making it your problem. but mind your own business and she'll mind hers, and buy you a drink while you're at it.

KETILL BELOW

the thing about loving magic is it can break your heart worse than any person. or so ketill thinks, young as they are. they'll keep doing it, though. it's all they have. no—had. had.

[azaharinflames]

I gotta say, I find the buddies refusal to accept both Ryan AND Eddie/the shows outright statements that Eddie is straight disgusting.

If we flipped the narrative, if we had Eddie say outright say he is gay, and everyone started shouting "no! He's just lying to himself, he's actually straight!" Can you imagine the outcry? People storming the castle, claims of homophobia because the fans not listening to what he's saying don't want him to be gay. But when he claims he's straight, it's perfectly okay to claim that he doesn't know himself, that he's lying to everyone because those fans don't like what he's saying?

I'm not saying people can't ship buddie. People ship fanon couples all the time, regardless of their sexual orientation. If they want to ignore canon and have fun with their fanon couple in their own little play space, that's fine, go nuts. What isn't fine, is choosing to ignore canon and then DEMANDING that the show bend to their will because they don't like it. If this was real life, and you told someone that they were straight "no you're not, because you exhibit traits a, b and c which a straight person couldn't POSSIBLY have, so therefore I've decided you're gay?" Ooh boy.

And yes, I know this isn't real life, it's a TV show, but it's real people who are playing these characters, real people who are getting harassed (both actors and fans) because a certain subset of the fandom aren't getting what they want. Not to mention, this mindset is the very toxic masculinity that Ryan has been saying he wants to dispel with Eddie's story - that a man being being vulnerable, emotional etc doesn't make them weak and doesn't mean they are automatically gay. And if people have these attitudes towards fictional characters, that they think two guys cant be close with each other without there being some some of sexual component underneath, that people don't know their own sexuality because it doesn't fit your expectations, what are they like towards people in real life?

Hi, Nonnie! Thanks for your ask!

Hard agree - I find it disgusting as well. I think it's one thing to have something as a hc, and another to claim it is the indisputable truth. And the thing with Gay Eddie very much falls into the latter. And it's like you say - what if we flipped the narrative?

Case in point: what if we suddenly started to claim Hen is straight, that there have been signs of this, and that it's obvious she doesn't know better? What if we were to claim this over and over, even with Aisha stating Hen is a lesbian and very happily married to her wife?

And, hey, I do understand the situation isn't exactly the same, but in the end, it comes to being disrespectful and, honestly, a bit gross. And, as it has been said before, if Ryan is saying (multiple times) that Eddie is straight in interviews (and hell, even the show), that's because he's gotten permission to say that. It's not a game of misdirection, but a confirmation of his sexuality to stop people from thinking Buddie might happen.

And, yes! Ship buddie by all means as a fanon couple. I will never tell anyone to not do that, because that'd be insane of me. But, like you've said anon, they should not go demanding the show to bend at their will, and they should not harass everyone they can think of when their ship doesn't happen. Shipping is supposed to be fun, and they're not supposed to take shipping war so damn literal. My God.

Lastly - yeah, good point. Ryan has made sure to explain why this SL is so important to him, why he wants to show Eddie can be in touch with his emotions and be vulnerable, and for that not to mean he's gay. It might not be the message that side of the fandom wanted, but it is still a really good message. And the one that RG clearly wants to tell, he couldn't have made it clearer.

Thanks again - my inbox is open for ranting, venting, discussing (911 or whatever), and giving opinions (popular or unpopular)!

Take care <3

[impossiblepackage]

say, i heard you reblog a post about role playing games. do you happen to know of any ones that i, a beginner, could feasibly get into in this day and age? i tried DnD but a combination of not having anybody to play with (whether irl or online) and a dissatisfaction with low level boringness kind of made it fizzle out for me

oh hey an ask from 3 months ago that I didn't even see. hi.

ANYWAY. First things first, i cannot recommend @theresattrpgforthat enough. Ain't nobody better at recommending rpgs than that blog right there. Now, on to my thoughts.

If you want a DnD-like rpg, Pathfinder 2nd Edition is gonna be my first recommendation. It's harder to find games for on account of being significantly less popular than dnd5e but it's probably the 2nd most popular game. It's also completely free, with everything being hosted on https://2e.aonprd.com/. It's got everything except adventures, those ya gotta buy. For the next 10 days, there's a humble bundle that includes PDFs of lots of the pre-remaster legacy books, and includes a couple adventures, including a whole adventure path going from level 1 to 20. As a whole, the game is different to dnd but it's recognizable. Big fan myself, and paizo isn't a bunch of pricks. The setting is also super gay. There's a potion of trans your gender, and one of the main religions in the world is the worship of 3 gods in lesbian polycule.

Ironsworn: probably my favorite RPG, period. (also has a space version, that works the same way). It is narrative focused, and designed for solo play or in groups with no GM. Works just as well by yourself, as a duo, in a small group, or in a traditional way with a few players and a GM. It's structured around it's vow system. Your character makes a vow, you decide how difficult that vow should be to accomplish, and as you do things that advance it, you mark progress. Eventually, you make a roll to try and fulfill the vow, with the difficulty determined by how much progress you've made. If you fail that roll, it's bad. Cool thing is that just about everything works that way. Undertaking a journey, delving a dungeon, fighting a dude, it's all handled with the same system. It's a game about perseverance and struggle and relationships, both with people and with places. also very fun to play for writing practice. It's mechanics are rooted in it's setting, but there's no reason you couldn't play it in basically any setting. the youtube channel Me, Myself, And Die is, essentially, Critical Role But It's Solo RPGs, and he did a great season where he played Ironsworn, check it out. Also, Basement Fort on youtube did a duo playthrough. I've only seen the first episode but it seems like a fun watch, as well as showing off duo gameplay.

the Witcher RPG: i haven't played this myself or even looked at the books yet, but everything I've heard about this game has me super excited about it. the general consesus seems to be "yo this is wayyyy better than I thought it would be, why aren't more people playing this, what the fuck". If somebody more familiar wants to talk about it, that'd be dope.

gonna ramble about the rest much less, LIGHTNING ROUND OF RECOMMENDATIONS

Dungeon World: same genre as dnd, but much less crunchy gameplay. Much easier to learn.

Kids On Bikes: it's Stranger Things but as a ttrpg.

Call of Cthulhu: get spooky, idiot. The players are investigators unraveling some mystery or another, and trying to keep their sanity in the face of some cosmic bullshit.

Lancer: it's about mechs! closer to anime-style mechs than battletech style, from what I can tell. I've heard good things.

Vampire: The Masquerade: you will NEVER guess what this is about. It's a classic, it's great, it pretty much redefined the way I think vampires should work. The new version of Werewolf: The Apocalypse is coming soon, and I'm real hyped for that, too.

Shadow Of The Demon Lord: my understanding is that this game is basically "DnD 5e, but good".

[aita-blorbos]

Am I the Asshole for kissing a gay(?) guy?

Hi!!! I (16, F) had (and still have...) a crush on a guy we'll call L (16, M) for quite a long time now... We weren't ever really close, but he was always super caring, dreamy, and handsome, and I know I'm not the only one to think that... All my friends wouldn't stop teasing me about it. And so one day I decided I wanted to confess to him!! I walked next to him and dropped my books, and be offered to help me carry them over to another classroom. We were alone. I saw this as a perfect moment to do it... And so I kissed him! I... I don't know. It was ... Kinda impulsive..? But not really... I had thought about it for a really long time. And when we pulled away from each other, I told him everything. How I liked him for a very long time, and I thought he could come to like me back! But I couldn't really... Read his expression? Just as he began his response, we noticed his uh... friend? Z (16, M) was standing by the classroom door and probably saw us kiss. He looked... Shocked. And then he ran away..? And L started running after him. And I knew there was probably something going on that I didn't understand. But, perhaps selfishly so, I took his hand before he could run away, because he didn't answer my question.

I don't know. Was that rude? I just - I didn't think I could ever get a chance like this one again, I didn't want it all to go to waste... He then quickly tried explaining it to me how he thought I was great, and he was sure that I was a wonderful person but he just didn't feel the same towards me,and then ran off.

I'll have to say, I was pretty sad... I still am, to be honest. It all happened so fast, like he didn't even consider it...

I don't know what happened afterwards, but I remember a couple days ago I saw L carrying Z, bridal style???? And not just that, but whenever they were together, they acted really... Close. Held hands. And only then I realized... Oh. They're a thing.

And then I realized that probably means L is gay. And that means that I, a girl, actually kissed a gay guy !!! And it was probably his first kiss too!!! Ughh, I can't help but feel baddd.... I mean, I didn't even ask him if he wanted to kiss me, I just did it.... I just - I thought that was my only chance of possibly getting together with him. But now I know that was probably impossible from the start ... 😬😓😓

Idk. I just feel bad for kissing him when he obviously didn't feel the same way towards me... I just didn't know any better, but I got over excited and...

Arghhh. Aita or not? I still haven't apologized... Though that'd probably be too awkward? Or not. I don't know.. I was just following my heart but that might've been a stupid thing to do.

(note: "L" is not gay, but pansexual. However, the character "writing" this doesn't know, as far as I'm aware, so she just kinda assumes.)

[archeronfilm]

My Own Private Idaho (1991)

"I wish I read more Shakespeare so I could have something thoughtful to say about this"

In case you don't want to read my deranged fully wrought thoughts on this film, here's the short and sweet version:

This movie was bizarre, rich in symbolism, deeply confusing. It was honestly kind of a rapturous experience and I would recommend it, even if you just watch it to see young Keanu Reeves be gay and homophobic. 4/5 stars.

Okay let's get into the meat. the substance. Spoiler warning for content below the cut.

Content warnings for mentions of sex, sexual violence, and drugs.

Word Count: 5,139

My Own Private Idaho, dir. Gus Van Sant, is a movie I can only describe as a series of deranged and feverish vignettes separated by Microsoft PowerPoint transition slides. It stars, most notably, River Phoenix and Keanu Reeves as the two main characters.

We open with a shot of the dictionary definition of narcolepsy, and then immediately following is our main character, Mike (Phoenix), alone in the middle of a rural road in Idaho. He talks aloud to himself about how he can recognize a road he's been on before, mostly musing about how the road resembles a face. He's got a bit of a coke sniff thing going on, which was a joke I wrote in my notes and then had to include here when I realized he does just have a coke habit.

Mike, as one might guess by that opening shot, is narcoleptic. I am not intimately acquainted with the way that narcolepsy actually presents itself in real life, so I can't comment on how realistic this depiction of narcolepsy is, but he at the very least has Hollywood Narcolepsy.

He falls unconscious and has a dream about his mother in some disjointed feverish farmhouse dreamscape where the clouds move in time lapse and there are no sharp edges. She cajoles him, vaguely, reassuring him that whatever he did was okay.

I can't exaggerate enough, if you haven't seen this movie, that the location-title-cards make me laugh every time they pop up because of the way they look.

A thing this movie likes to do is use Mike's narcolepsy to take him someplace else. Many times it's used to imply that he really did just wake up somewhere, but those are later in the movie. Here it's obvious there was just a time skip.

Mike is sleeping in a chair? No, Mike is getting head in Seattle. For reasons I can only describe as probably psychosexual, there is a harsh cut-in shot of a barn falling from the sky and breaking apart on the ground when Mike climaxes.

We get another core part of his character here, when the man who was just blowing him gets up and throws a couple bills at Mike's chest.

Mike has to beg this man for ten extra dollars through his bathroom door. His dad drowned himself recently, or at least that's what he tells the guy.

After he secures that ten dollars, we get a scene where he's crossing the street and sees a woman who looks vaguely (and I mean, really vaguely) like his mother, and then more of this strange farmhouse world. The people around him cross the street without him. This is going to come up many many more times.

Next, Mike (who it's become clear is also unhoused) is brought into a stranger's house. He asks him to put on slippers before walking in. This odd gesture made me think "Surely, he's not getting paid by this guy. That'd be so bizarre!" and then, "Daddy Carol" gets off cartoonishly to Mike scrubbing his (already completely spotless) living space. "My lucky 44th little Dutch boy. You must scrub Daddy Carol."

We do not get to see him scrubbing Daddy Carol.

Instead, we get another client of his. A rich woman who brings him into her ostentatious home. Two of his friends are already there, Gary, and Scott (Reeves). I say friends, but in this scene he talks to Gary about Sinéad O'Connor, and when Mike says he's never been to a concert in his life before, the word "dude" leaves his mouth like a small child trying to say "damn" for the first time.

This is something about Mike I noticed a few times throughout this movie, but especially in this scene, where he looks around this woman's room at her decor, thinks about how nice her house is. He holds a porcelain conch shell up to his ear to listen to the sea.

This woman who hired him walks in, takes the shell, holds it to her own ear. I can't pretend to know what the director was planning with this shot, but it feels transgressive and wrong to me. This woman walking into his space to initiate sex with him, taking an innocent gesture and almost sullying it with her intent. Not that I necessarily think she's evil. Of course, she's paying him. Of course, he does this for money regularly, but the following undressing feels choppy and stiff, like Mike doesn't know what he's doing.

He barely looks present here, and then remembers his mother and falls stiff and unconscious on this woman's carpet.

His friends carry him out. His narcolepsy is triggered by stress. Here, we get a more in depth introduction of Scott.

It's very cold outside. You can see his breath. Scott soliloquizes to unconscious Mike about how he grew up in a nice neighborhood like this one. He complains about his father, how he thinks Scott is a threat even though he's just a kid. Mike dreams of more decrepit farmhouses. The song "America the Beautiful" plays behind Scott's monologue, for reasons that are totally inscrutable to me.

Scott gives Mike his blazer.

Not speaking of non-sequitur, here is a bizarre and hilarious scene in a magazine shop! It's completely different than the rest of the movie, and I love it. It's barely relevant to anything. We get to see that Mike, Scott, and some other boys have gotten some work as models for gay adult magazine covers. Their photographs start moving and arguing with each other. I have no idea why this scene is here, but it's awesome.

Here's what we learn: Scott will only do gay things for money, because doing it for free makes you a queer. Scott is going to inherit a lot of money. These two facts are repeated at least one or two times throughout the rest of the movie, but I'm absolutely overjoyed that this is the way they chose to present these details. A bunch of shirtless gay magazine dudes cattily talking over each other from their covers.

Mike is running down the street.

Mike averts his eyes. He looks at the ground and then he never breaks eye contact. This man who's pulled over is a little too close to him. Mike doesn't want a ride. He tells the guy to go the fuck home, and the rude cussing leaves his mouth disingenuously, like he isn't used to talking that way. Refusing that ride doesn't work out, because Mike collapses again.

Mike is back in Portland, held by Scott. He doesn't remember the German man, Hans (the same guy from earlier) who drove them home.

Then, in a diner, shoes on the table. This diner is red everywhere, which might mean nothing, but it definitely looks and feels cramped partially due to how not-neutral the walls are.

Here, Mike asks Scott how much he made off him while he was out, and Scott seems affronted that Mike would assume he'd do that. "Mike, I'm on your side" he says.

Mike and Scott can talk to each other. It doesn't feel like Mike is grating words through his teeth under duress, even if it *does* feel like he doesn't care too much about what he's asking Scott about.

In this conversation, we also learn about a new important character, Bob Pigeon. Scott hypes him up a lot, says that he loves him more than his father-- no, more than *both* his parents. Mike sort of ignores this long prattling Scott does about Bob, flatly says it'd be nice to see him again.

There's also this bit right after where Scott talks to this guy and Mike calls him a dickhead while watching them talk through the window, in a way that really just makes him look jealous. It's barely relevant but I thought it was kind of funny.

In the same diner, Mike gets smoke blown in his face by some girl.

This is one of my favorite scenes in this film. It's a kind of interview-ish sequence, the only part of the movie that feels like some kind of documentary about street youth and sex work. It's two or three of Mike's people talking about their negative experiences with sex work. Interspersed are normal film scenes of this girl blowing smoke at Mike across the table, of another girl crying on Scott's shoulder.

Mike seems irritated at the girl hanging onto Scott, jealous. One of the interviewees talks about his traumatic experience with what he described as "basically rape." He winces. The second interviewee, too, reveals that his experience was deeply traumatic. Their discussions are light, casual, they smile, their eyes wander. The things they discuss are disarming, uncomfortable. They don't seem to confront it, laughing through the smoke in this cluttered, stifling diner.

Mike wakes up again. This time, in a plastic tent on the roof of a building. Scott and co. are there, disbursed on some adjacent roofs. They all spot a man approaching. Haggard, in a long coat. Ironically, their bird's eye view is of Bob Pigeon.

Here's an important detail. Bob speaks in poeticisms. In this first scene, there's a while where he speaks in rhymes. More on the poeticism will be interspersed throughout this review.

Scott takes a swig, gives away his cigarette, kisses a girl, walks up some stairs to go see Bob. Mike is already in the room with a sleeping Bob Pigeon, looking at the floor. And then, Scott and Mike gleefully steal Bob's cocaine and attempt to do lines off his boots.

Bob is incensed with rage. Mike hides behind a doorframe, still actively doing Bob's coke while he rampages around this decrepit building hunting down Scott. Scott flees playfully in his three piece suit. He is the only one in a suit, deeply out of place, the mayor's son.

Nobody else in this scene is in a Shakespeare play, only Bob and Scott, who bounce manically off each other while the surrounding scamps mob around them. Despite this, all of them move like they're on a stage, navigating the support beams of this half-constructed space.

Scott pulls Mike aside. Tells him he has a joke to play that he needs Mike's help for. Mike immediately agrees. Scott proposes a robbery scheme, and he, Gary, and Mike dance in a circle. Mike is full of odd energy, unwieldy and foreign.

Scott is 20 years old. He gets his inheritance at 21. In one week.

These street boys are thieves. When Bob and Scott are alone, they kiss, and Scott dances away from it. Scott, paradoxically, doesn't want to be a robbing street scamp. He says he's done it to improve later, to impress his parents with his sudden change of spirit. Bob says he will be his hatchet man. Scott monologues at him, the king of the scene. When they are alone, they keep up their Shakespearean play. Scott likes to talk to himself at people.

Next is the scene where they undergo this night robbery. This movie is so surreal that everything feels serious and ridiculous. All four of them dress in full length pink robes. Mike holds himself around the middle with his robe, he's the only one who holds himself this way.

They carry out the robbery flawlessly. Only for two more mysterious robe-wearers (Mike and Scott, who had broken from the group moments before) to rob them in turn.

Scott's father hasn't seen him in months.

Scott drives a motorcycle with Mike on the back. When they talk, Scott is still in the play. Mike speaks normally.

When they go to see Bob after the night of their prank, they link arms and skip to him. Seriously.

Scott is back in his zone, the surreal play whose script only he and Bob know. Mike, scriptless, speaks as normal.

Scott massages Bob's shoulders, exchanging mirthful glances and snickers with Mike as Bob aggrandizes and lies about the life-threatening encounter he had last night. One of their allies helps him lie.

There were two perpetrators. No, five. No, seven. And Bob fought all of them off bare handed. Scott tries to fact check him, Bob does not falter.

Scott and Bob may both have the script, but only Scott knows it's a script. He's the only one in on the joke. Scott is only playing, he doesn't live here. He smiles wryly as he plays his part across from his scene partner, who lives on the stage.

All the scamps hassle Bob for the lie that Scott exposed. Scott lectures Bob, picks him up, spins him around. Bob knocks him over, but Scott is still on the upstep. Still smiling, always winning their scenes.

Scott talks like a character from a Shakespeare play to put on a show for his friends, you might assume, but that he talks that way just with Mike as well.

Scotty is these kids' ticket out of poverty and destitution. Bob really believes this.

When the police barge into the house to hunt for Bob, Scott and Mike pretend to have sex as a distraction. This works, even though they still definitely have pants on. Scott keeps playing with Mike's nipple, even though Mike keeps smacking his hand away. This isn't thematic, it just made me laugh myself hoarse.

Scott's dad finally gets to see him. When Scott is with the boys, he wears nice clothes. With his father, he wears a denim jacket with no shirt. Scott, keeping up his play, still calls his father "dad."

Scott and Mike are going to Idaho to see Mike's brother, who Scott didn't know he had.

They take a motorbike that Scott stole, which refuses to start on a familiar road, the same road Mike walks down in the very first scene. Scott humors Mike when he asks him to look at the face, even if Scott can't really see it. They laugh.

The bike is still not turning over by the time night falls. Scott and Mike sit by a fire. Scott muses about how good getting away from his rich life. Mike only replies to Scott's casual admission that he had a maid. He would have liked to have lived Scott's life, which he almost says outright instead of just implying it.

Mike wishes he grew up normal, even though he feels well adjusted.

Scott asks Mike what he thinks a normal dad is. Mike doesn't know. He wishes he could really talk to Scott, be honest with him, be close to him. He can't word it. Basically, Mike asks Scott "what are we?" He beats around the invisible bush. He transparently loves Scott, more than Scott loves him.

Scott isn't gay. Two guys can't love each other. Mike agrees, or maybe he doesn't, really. He could love someone, even if he wasn't paid for it. He loves Scott, and Scott doesn't pay him.

"I really want to kiss you, man."

Scott says nothing. Mike gives up, wishes him goodnight, curled into a fetal position by the fire. I love you though, he reiterates. I do love you.

Scott tells Mike to come over to him, opens his arms, cruel. Deeply cruel. Mike crawls into them anyway, falls asleep there anyway. Scott strokes his hair.

Mike wakes up in the middle of the road. The bike still wont start.

The cops show up, and Mike books it. Scott stays on his bike, which could mean nothing about class and background. I did laugh at Scott saying "I guess he doesn't like cops" while we see Mike clumsily fleeing.

He collapsed while running away. Scott carries him someplace. With a trailer. A cat. A familiar house.

Mike wakes up to sandwiches being shoved in his face. His brother. He tries to show mike a photograph of him and his mother, outside "the institution".

Mike was in an institution because his mother "wasn't safe," his brother claims. They were still a family.

Mike is having a bad time about his mother, and Scott leaves to piss. Scott calmly washes his hands while Dick and Mike yell at each other. He saunters back into the room as Mike collapses again. Dick pretends like he doesn't know that Scott heard and saw that.

Mike twitches in his chair, unconscious. Scott steals glances at him. Dick is a painter. He makes family portraits. Sometimes, he doesn't get paid, and he keeps them. Family photos of strangers pepper his walls. It is, to be candid, super creepy.

They drink, Mike smokes, Dick is grilling Mike about what happened with their mom, says Mike is avoiding something.

Their mother fell in love with a scumbag, wanted to marry him. He didn't love her. Mike flashes back. Their mom used to have this gun. A .38 Smith & Wesson. She killed that guy. This cowboy fuck. With Rio Bravo on the big screen, John Wayne on his horse.

Scott says, "how corny." But Mike is fighting for his life. That cowboy was Mike's father.

Mike breaks, yells at Dick. He demands that Dick stop fucking with his head. Mike's mother wasn't a hooker, his dad wasn't some cowboy. His dad was Dick. He knows that, but Dick seems surprised that He does. He throws things. Mike looks at something else, a postcard from his mother. She's out having a great time.

Dick hugs Mike. He cries, grossly. He wants to look her up in the yellow pages. She's at some resort, Yellow Tree.

Apparently, she saved up all her money and headed to Rome. She claimed she was looking for her family, but Mike is not Italian.

In a moment of pure delight, Hans happens to also be at the Yellow Tree resort. He tells them his room number, 407. The number 4 comes up semi-frequently in this movie, and I don't think I'm smart enough to formulate a theory on why.

Mike's first order of business in Hans' room is to take a nice bubble bath. He seems in wonder at the concept of getting room service. He asks for two orders of fries. In this moment, again, Mike is just a kid. He's a poor little kid who never got room service or took a bubble bath.

Hans sits too close to Scott to show him a photo of his mother. He shows her to Mike too, running his hand up the leg of the little boy we just saw take a bubble bath.

Hans then has a full moderately uninterrupted sequence where he performs an avant-garde dance routine from a cassette tape of him when he used to be a performer. It's bizarre. He's kind of killing it (lying). Scott humors him, Mike barely registers it.

Despite this, I still felt a little bad when Scott unplugged the radio to stop him. They're there on business. They're selling motorcycles. Hans seems to understand that that isn't quite true.

Now here, finally, is a scene I really have thoughts about. This is a sex scene. One of the only sex scenes in the movie, shockingly. Hans, Scott, and Mike are portrayed as having sex with a series of still shots. These still shots, I should note, are *not* still images. They are static poses, held still by the actors. It is silent, motionless, odd, underscored by deeply unfitting and bizarre instrumental music.

Something about this scene feels grotesque, violating. It feels like watching violent and uncomfortable performance art, art that you can't really tell the message behind so much as you can feel the visceral unrest. This scene has nothing plot relevant about it, not really, but it's one of the most striking scenes in the film.

It seems like they succeeded in selling that motorcycle, because the next scene is Hans getting pulled over by the cops. Speeding. Hans, for some reason, barely speaks to the officer and spends most of this short scene tenderly stroking the bike.

Scott and Mike, however, are at the airport in Boise with no baggage. They both laugh loudly about what they've just done to Hans. It echoes off the walls.

Mike wakes up on a bench by a fountain in Roma, Italy. Around him are young men talking animatedly in Italian. These boys have something familiar about them. They look, you might suddenly realize, just like Mike and his boys. There's even a blond one in a similar jacket to Mike's. This does not really become relevant, it is just another visual detail of the movie that you can feel in your ribs.

Scott yells for Mike from a yellow cab. The bell tower tolls, and I forget to count how many times it rings. I think it might have been eight.

Scott and Mike take this cab to a building in the sticks. It's overcast, and the grass is green for miles out. It's a farm, the first farm we see outside of Mike's fever dreams.

Scott meets a girl, Carmella, who lives here. It's her uncle's house. She wipes off her hand before shaking Scott's

At the same time, Mike pokes through a dark room calling for his mother. The door in the center of the wall behind him is the only source of light. Outside, Carmella tells Scott that Mike's mom already left a while ago.

Mike's mother was Carmella's friend. She taught her English. When Mike returns, he doesn't really listen to her when he tries to tell him that his mom isn't here. We get another choppy montage of Mike's memories of his mother.

And then, we smash cut to Mike crying helplessly on Scott's shoulder. More memories. His mother dances. Mike cries. Her house was blue. No, green. How could he forget? Mike hums a song. His mother bounces a baby, wearing a little pink jacket, on her hip. The house looks neither blue nor green, but grey.

Mike thanks Scott for coming all this way. He's ready to leave, now.

What I assumed was the next day, Mike climbs the stairs up to a room Scott is in. Scott leaves him outside, so he can be with Carmella alone. Here's the second of two sex scenes.

This one is shot the same as the first. Shooting the sex scenes this way makes them feel similarly strange and almost impersonal, but this second sex scene manages to feel less sad, less avant garde. The poses are not bizarre, nothing about it feels transgressive but that we are seeing it at all. A strange whistling underscores the scene. Scott almost looks sad after they finish, almost, for half a second before closing his eyes.

All three of them eat dinner at a cramped table. Carmella and Scott make eyes at each other, sitting shoulder to shoulder across from Mike. Mike blows smoke in their faces, echoing his lunch with that girl in the diner.

Mike lays in a narrow bed with his coat on. A bed in another room is creaking. We can hear Carmella and Scott giggling.

The clouds on this farm never clear. There is always a mist clinging to the grass. Mike walks through the fields alone, accompanied only by the odd animal and the whistling of the score. He runs into Carmella. She seems upset.

She says it's nothing, but she asks Mike to stay when he stands up to leave. Carmella hands Mike a small spiky plant. La castagna. A chestnut. She says it isn't big enough to eat, but she gives it to him anyway.

Mike says he knows how she feels. She sniffles.

"I think I fall in love," she says. Mike turns away wordlessly. He has, too. But she's luckier than he is.

Their bed creaks again, and Mike lays awake.

Scott says he's gonna take a little time off, like he's cutting Mike loose. Maybe he'll "run into him down the road". He hands Mike money, his share for the bike. Pays him off. "I fell in love, Mike. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry we didn't find your mom."

Scott and Carmella leave in a cab. Mike calls for Scott from the balcony as the cab is pulling away. He watches it leave, powerless. He only ever feels and looks powerless.

Mike stands around with his back to a tree, along with the Italian street boys from earlier. It doesn't really look like he belongs there.

He tries to pick up where he left off. He's in an Italian man's bedroom. But he seizes again, and the older man decides to leave him there. We don't get to know if he left to get help, but I definitely assumed he just left him in that room.

The clouds pass in time lapse. Mike wakes up on a plan. They, *he* is back in Portland.

This is the first time Mike has ever been alone in the diner. The first time it's ever felt empty. The first time we see him wearing only black, his hair combed.

At night, Mike stands on the side of the road outside the diner. A man pulls up, he knows him. A customer.

The car ride is awkward. Mike tries to ask how the wife is. The man is apparently less talkative than usual.

The Simpsons plays on this man's TV. Mike is rapt, laughing and clapping. When he sees the man walk in barely clothed, it's like he disappears. His simple joy drains, and he isn't there anymore. He's transparent around the edges, like a wisp of himself.

Mike is on the street again. Steam billows from a nearby smokestack. Mike lays on the cement near a broken beer bottle, laughing drunkenly.

There's that farm house again, and the field beyond it.

Mike is with Bob. He can't begin to care about whatever the guy talking to Bob is saying. Bob mocks the man's shoes, which are lined with bells. Bob owns the street.

Scott Favor leaves the car, well groomed, with a beautifully cleaned up Carmella in a nice black dress. He wears a suit, and it doesn't feel playful anymore. He is his inheritance.

Bob prowls through, jingle bells ringing as he steps. So, he got the guy's shoes anyway. Hilarious.

This nice venue has Hans in it. It seems like he's with a lover, some blond thing that hangs on to his arm. Good for him.

Scott wears a tan suit, gets introduced to benefactors. HIs father is dead. Carmella is *there*, but she doesn't matter to anyone but Scott. Scott doesn't answer when asked if he wants a political career.

Bob walks in, obviously out of place in such a nice place. People stare at him aghast. As you might have suspected, Bob is not getting what he was promised, what he *thought* he was promised.

Scott doesn't even turn around when Bob calls for him. He stands facing the booth of possible investors, only gracing Bob with his back.

"I don't know you old man. Please leave me alone."

Scott calls Bob his enabler. And, for a moment, you have to believe it. The way that his Shakespearean affect remains even now, the thing he has common only with Bob. There is a red light cast on half of Scott's face. He tells Bob not to come near him now that he's changed. He never once fully turns around, feet always pointed towards the table. Bob is escorted out.

Bob shivers in bed, in the house. He calls out for God, and then he dies. Sweat coats his pallid face. The boys cover him with a blanket and place him on a table. There are candles. Scott Favor broke his heart. The lost boys weep.

These boys, suddenly, are Catholic. Solemn.

The very next scene is a wake, with a priest speaking. For a moment, you could almost fool yourself into thinking it's Bob's. Of course, it's for Scott's father. Scott is tearless. Carmella fiddles with some plant she has in her hands. He glances around.

Across the cemetery, singing. Accordion. The boys sing and hold flowers, sitting in humble metal folding chairs, dancing and swaying. Mike smells a sunflower. This shot is soft around the edges, loose and bittersweet.

Scott's father's wake is clear and crisp. Joyless. Silent. Catholic. The lost boys sway and hold each other while they grieve. They scream. They fight. They throw things. Scott sits silently and still as stone in his chair.

They chant Bob's name. Stomp their feet. Mike is blurry at the edges. He smiles, looks across at Scott, and it seems like he puts him away. Forgets him. Joins his brothers instead. They pile together and hug. A man plays the accordion. There is joy, here, under the overcast sky. We see another shot of salmon jumping through water. The clouds pass in Idaho.

Mike is back on the road again, musing about it again. He knows them, knows he's been on this one before. This road will never end. Mike is wearing blue. Not black, and not his ever-present orange coast. This road probably goes all around the world, he says, and then he collapses in the middle of it again. The camera draws back. The road splits the grass in two. Yellow on one side and green on the other.

A car pulls up to Mike. A truck. Two men step out of it. They rob him.

The next car that pulls up is a man who picks Mike up, puts him in his car. It looks a little bit like Dick. He drives off.

Another barn, the clouds lapse past again.

The movie ends with another text splash.

"Have a nice day."

This movie is hard to write about. I had to attempt to capture how jarring and yet cohesive the vignettes are. How they choppily transition but *feel* continuous. The way this movie is written, shot, is impactful. You can, feel every beat of story hit you while your back is turned. Nothing feels out of nowhere, but everything catches you offguard.

The movie's tagline, "Wherever, Whatever, Have a nice day" might speak to the way the movie is *shot*, but it doesn't speak to how the movie feels as a whole. Sure, the vignettes might be wherever and whatever, but they aren't disjointed, or at least not in a way that makes them feel thoughtless. Nothing means anything, whatever is happening, and all of it matters quite a lot, actually.

You should watch this movie, and then you should agree with me about how the way Mike is portrayed is a hidden, heart-wrenching tragedy that doesn't even lend itself to the main plot. Or how Scott doesn't really belong anywhere. Or how really well the subject matter is handled, shockingly.

More than that, you should watch it because it's good.

Have a nice day.

[one-winged-dreams]

B-Word

ship: the reveries of my mind (adri x akingreaux), (pl: adri and mallory [oc]) source: original content word count: 947

uhhh UHHHHHHH

you know >_>;

Also introducing an old oc of mine, Mal. She's super goth, and a trans woman who changed her name to Mallory Practice because she's a badass that does burlesque and thought her stage name would be cool to have legally. Her gimmick is sexy nurse. I love her to pieces.

tag list: @dearly-beeloved @camellias-and-coriander @rebel-wolf13 @sunstar-of-the-north @mahitoslittlebird @goldenworldsabound @edencantstopfallininlove @sosoftandsweet @dorothys-wife @faerie-circle-ships @kylars-princess

"I'm gonna go take a smoke break, actually maybe watch the counter for me?"

Adri's head abruptly lifted from the surface of the checkout counter, unflatteringly disoriented.

"Wha? Oh shit, yeah okay, Mal."

Mallory regarded him behind raven-colored bangs, her ever-crimson lips pursing into a line.

Then she huffed.

"Not that it matters, your boyfriend has been chatting up the clientele the whole time you were dreaming about him."

The comment was brazen, and Adri's face went red.

"D-don't say that word, Mal!" he hiss-whispered.

He could FEEL Mallory's eyebrow raise despite being unable to see it.

"Say what? Boyfriend? That's like, what he is, right?"

Silence.

"Stop denying the boyfriend allegations. Doesn't he like, live with you? I told you how fucked that is, right? Because that's kinda fucked. You met him like what, a few weeks ago? A month tops?" Mallory's tone wasn't judgmental so much as blunt.

Technically, and he would never tell Mallory this, Akingraeux had moved in only a couple DAYS after they had met. Per their… Arrangement. But he couldn't exactly say, 'Hey, he's an old god that's starved for faith and I'm stupid and gay, so I said I'd give it to him.'

"Well he's… It wasn't in a gay way, he just needed a place to stay. He was… Inbetween homes? A-And he works from home, so how is he supposed to do his job if he's homeless!" Adri realized he had descended into frantic rambling, which was never a good look in Mal's eyes.

"Right," was all she said and this time, there WAS a tint of judgment to her words. Then she sighed, pulling out a box of menthols and shaking one out. "Well, if slash when he turns out to be a jackass, I'll totes drag him out of there by his hair if I need to. Though he kinda looks like the type of guy that'd like that."

"MAL!"

"ADRI!"

Adri's pout incited a Mallory smirk before she made her grand exit towards the back of the gallery. He made sure the clicking of her heels was out of hearing range before he came from behind the counter and made his way to the front of the shop.

Aki was there, his arms folded over his chest as the bell over the door rang, signifying that someone had just left.

"Stop scaring off the customers," Adri commented, crossing his own arms and craning his neck to look up at Aki as he stood beside him.

"I'm NOT! It's so hurtful that you would say that, have you considered people might actually want to come talk to me?" Aki mock-pouted, contrastingly wrapping an arm around Adri's shoulders and giving him a little shake as he was wont to do.

Adri couldn't help but crack a small smile, his cheeks heating up.

"Was that Kylar, then?"

"Del, actually. Birthday shopping and all that jazz."

Adri blinked.

"Oh shit, is Kylar's birthday coming up or something?"

Nodding, Aki screwed his mouth to the side thoughtfully.

"Yeah, wondering if we should get him something and/or what."

Adri mimicked the expression, finding himself leaning into Aki's side. He was always so warm. And he smelled nice. And-

"Uhhh, we could cut out the semantics and let him have first pick next market? No charge, obvs," he managed to keep himself from sounding flustered, though his face had reddened marginally.

"COOL, SO GLAD I ASKED YOU TO DO YOUR JOB, YOU'RE THE BEST, ADRI!" came Mal's voice from the back of the shop.

At the sudden scolding, Adri winced but smiled all the same.

"She's not being cruel, that's just her brand of affection. Buuut I'm sure you're acquainted enough to know that by now."

"Oh yeah, totally. You introduced me to your friends, biiig step. We'll be wed in no time," Aki squinted with an instigative grin, and Adri knew that he could feel the way his heart thumped wildly at the comment.

"N- Y- I-"

"Shhhh, don't talk. You're just so sexy when you speak eloquently to me," Aki mercilessly continued his onslaught of teasing.

"S-Stop it! You're so mean to me!" Adri ultimately pouted, ducking out from under his arm and standing with his back facing Aki.

Aki laughed, returning his arms to their position over his chest.

"Don't say that so loud, Mal might drag me out of here by my hair."

"She said she thinks you'd be into that."

"Oh, I am."

Checkmate, Adri's face burned again.

"I'm gonna goooo back to the gallery, I think some of the prints need restocked," he half-muttered.

"You want me to stay out of your way?" Aki inquired with a tilt of his head.

Silence.

"Ohhh, you want my company. How veeeerrry scandalous, being on the clock and all."

"D-Do whatever you want!" Adri whirled around now, biting his lower lip in embarrassment.

"Hah! What I want," Aki approached, his torturous advances continuing as he tilted Adri's head up, "is to spend a little quality time while you do what you love."

Adri hadn't expected something so romantic, his wide eyes blinking. He was unaware of how those eyelashes fluttering affected Aki, whose smirk widened further only slightly.

"O-Okay… Thanks," was all he could bring himself to say, turning his head to the side, as was the only way he could escape eye contact.

Aki let out another 'hah!', releasing Adri's chin to ruffle his hair.

"Of course," he replied, passing Adri as he began to make his way to the gallery. He paused, turning his head around enough that Adri could make out a pleased squint through a gap in his hair. "That's what boyfriends are for, right?"