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undead-supernova · 8 months ago

Text

Island Breeze in the Dead of Night / Masterlist

Chapter 5 / Chapter 6 / Chapter 7

plot: you're on vacation and you desperately want to tell Eddie you love him…and how much fear can you swallow before it overflows?

Pairings: modernrockstar!Eddie x fem!popstar!Reader (curvy!reader, bisexual!reader)

Warnings: brief discussion about eating/media body shaming, drinking, Eddie saying some spicy words

wc: 4.3k

“How’s it going over there on fuck island?”

You snorted at Este’s words, trying to pick up some speed on the treadmill. Luckily there’d been a gym on the island, a must for the tour you’d be preparing for in the next year. You’d been trying to build stamina, tired of wanting to drop dead while onstage.

Not that there was an album to be toured. You had a few songs, sure. But how the fuck were you supposed to keep writing happy songs? And how were you supposed to do that within the next six months?

Nonetheless, you hated the treadmill. So you called Este.

“It’s not fuck island,” you corrected. “But, to answer your question, it’s going great.”

It’d only been two days, but it had been blissful. You and Eddie spent most of the days together, lounging by the beach or sleeping. Eating whenever you wanted to. Meeting the rest of the band at the end of the night, one person assigned to cook for every day that you were there. Play board games. Make some drinks.

And, yes, a lot of fucking. A lot.

Regardless, it was a very laid-back vacation.

“I’m sure you’re all over each other like sick puppies being like, ‘I love you.’ ‘No, I love you more.’”

You kept quiet.

“You have said I love you, right?” Este asked, her voice slow and deliberate.

“I mean,” you started, trying to think of what to say. “He hasn’t said anything, so I haven’t.”

“You know that someone has to say it first, right? Like, you can just say it and see what he says.”

“I don’t know…”

“You are in love!” she exclaimed. “What else is there to know! If you don’t tell him six months in, then what are you doing?”

There were some things you didn’t like to think about. Especially on vacation in the British Virgin Islands where you spent most of your time sitting in the shade on top of your boyfriend. Why ruin a perfectly good time with talks of those kind of feelings? Why ruin the restoration of your bodies that never seemed to slow down? Why not allow everything to freeze in time for a little bit?

“You’re literally on an island right now,” Este huffed, as if she could read your mind. “How is that not the perfect time to say I love you while snorkeling with dolphins?”

“Under the water?”

“Okay, but what if you end up stepping on a sea urchin and it gets infected and then you die?”

You laughed but had to catch your breath as you sped up again. Beads of sweat dripped down your neck and disappeared into the fabric of your t-shirt. But you could tell some of that sweat was from something else entirely.

“Couldn’t he just pee on it?” you teased.

“Tell him you love him while he pees on your foot."

“Why am I friends with you again?”

“Because you loooove me.”

Before you could respond, there was a knock on the wall. Eddie walked in, startling you. You almost tripped but caught yourself, turning down the speed immediately.

“Hey, how’s it going in here?” he asked.

“Is that him now?” Este teased.

“Uh, hey, Este, I gotta go,” you said quickly.

“Don’t let me stand in the way of true—”

You ended the call before giving him a nervous smile.

Eddie was looking…well, he was looking good. He was in a Metallica tank top (a t-shirt he tore to shreds no doubt), black swim trunks, and, shockingly, black flipflops. His tattoos were littered over his arms and legs, the hint of one on his chest popping out. A wild bun thrown to hold his hair back, sunglasses perched on his head.

“Hey.”

“Hey, sweetheart,” he replied, walking over to give you a soft kiss.

You wanted to jump back, to keep him away from how bad you probably smelled but Eddie didn’t seem to mind. Though, he did pat your back instead of giving you a hug. You couldn’t blame him.

“Wanna get some lunch before we hit the sand?” he asked, holding out his hand.

You nodded, maybe a little enthusiastically, happy to press your palm against his.

“Are you gonna let me shower first?”

“Maybe,” he whispered, leaning into your neck to lick up some of your sweat. “Stinky.”

Despite the small whimper that left your lips at the stimulation, you murmured, “You’re so gross.”

“Didn’t sound like you found it gross,” he teased, already tugging you towards the door.

You rolled your eyes, unable to deny the accusation.

“Shut up.”

Lunch was peaceful, with Eddie ordering you whatever you desired. He told you to enjoy yourself, enjoy your time on the island. He was sweet like that, always encouraging you to eat what you wanted, whenever you wanted. It was something he never shied away from being made known.

“Why do you do that?” you asked him when a second piña colada was placed in front of you.

He gave you a grin, slipping another French fry between his teeth before responding.

“I just like seeing you do what you want to do.” He leaned in further. “And, if I’m being honest, you always do what everyone else wants you to. ‘Oh, do this. Do that. Eat this. Don’t eat that!’ Fuck that. I hate that shit. You're not some clay pot they can mold or whatever. It's ridiculous.”

You couldn’t disagree. “And you think me eating all this food will change that?” you half-joked.

“I think you eating whatever the fuck you want and not worrying about what anyone else thinks is a good start.” He took a sip of his frozen margarita, one with a little umbrella, before adding, “And when you’re with me, sweetheart, you don’t have to compromise a damn thing. I’ll make sure of that.”

His words affected you more than you wanted them to. It wasn’t like he was wrong. Months and months ago, you’d let it slip that you ate extra healthy in public so tabloids couldn’t have “evidence” to slam you for your looks. That the sheer idea of eating bread or pasta was unheard of if anyone could see. (Not to mention having to order dessert to go, in secret in order to throw off the scent of fatphobic headlines.) You never won when it came to the media, even if you were content with how you looked.

By the time you and Eddie left the restaurant, well-fed and slightly tipsy, Eddie had you pinned up against any wall he could, lips attached to yours. Whispers of how pretty you looked, murmurs of things he wanted to do to you later. It left you in a fit of giggles that were quickly swallowed by his mouth.

It was a scene to behold, out in plain sight, but it was addictive. It was exactly what you’d wanted as a teenager who dreamed of true love. A love to call yours without hindrance from the opinions of others.

You would stay forever if this was what the rest of your life looked like. Just the two of you, lovestruck on an island that seemed to leave you alone.

When you set your stuff down at the beach, you couldn’t help but stare at Eddie removing his top. It was something else to see Eddie nearly undressed in public, sprinkled with dappled sunlight. Face risking the promise of sunburn, all rosy-cheeked and red-nosed. The scent of sunscreen wafting off him, sand somehow littering his hair. It was everything.

Under your sundress was that turquoise bikini Eddie had gotten you months before. You’d been wary about wearing it in public for the first time, but he promised you that people weren’t privy to taking photos here. That you were just as safe as you’d been in his pool. That you deserved to feel good.

And when you took the dress off, you could feel Eddie’s eyes raking over you. Because you turned, watching him stare at you through his sunglasses. He did that thing from the movies, pulling them down to the bridge of his nose, brown eyes dilating.

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer,” you chided.

“Mm, I’d rather take a Polaroid,” he said, making grabbing motions with his hands so you’d come closer. His hands found your hips before giving them a light squeeze. “And then, you know, cum all over it later.”

His words had you flustered, looking around as you hoped no one else could hear him. The others on the beach were too far away, but you couldn’t help but feel exposed. Some part of you knew it was because of your swimsuit, but you tried not to let it eat at your brain.

“I’d like that,” you said back, quieter than before. “But you better shut that pretty mouth of yours before I drag you back to our place.”

“Our place?” he questioned, a cheeky grin popping out. You rolled your eyes as his face got closer. “You wanna call it ours?”

Too bashful to respond, you kissed his shoulder before stepping back and walking towards the water. He was right behind you, hands finding purchase on your waist. It was as if he was stuck to you, making sure he followed wherever you strayed.

You couldn’t cope with how much you liked it.

You couldn’t cope with how much you loved him.

“Don’t like my teasing?” he asked as your feet touched the water.

Shaking your head, you took a tentative step forward. It was hard to tell the full truth, no matter how much you’d already shared. For some reason, everything still felt so delicate. Even six months in, it felt like it could all slip from your fingers at any moment. Why call something “ours” when there was no promise that it would be there tomorrow?

And why the hell were you thinking like that right now?

“I like it a little too much,” you admitted despite your reluctancy. Forcing yourself to make eye contact, you added, “The idea of something being ours.”

“Does it now?” he asked. His voice was playful, but you could see that it made him feel soft when he pursed his lips, dimples deepening.

“Mhm,” you responded, feeling a bit more confident.

Eddie kissed your cheek. “I’ll keep that in mind, fair maiden.”

The squeal of a child is what awoke you. Eyes fluttering open, your eyes adjusted to the light behind your sunglasses. And the ache of them sitting on the bridge of your nose had you tearing them off. Which, yeah, was a mistake.

The umbrella seemed larger than before, cocooning you from the rest of the beach. A little paradise in public, all warm and cozy. It wasn’t shocking to find that you’d fallen asleep.

“What time is it?” Eddie asked from under you.

“We fell asleep. Again,” you said with a yawn, sitting up. “I think it’s two? Maybe?”

Eddie was already wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you back on top of him. Nuzzling himself back into you. Keeping you hostage.

“Good thing we napped, ‘cause we’re partying tonight,” he said with a mischievous grin. “It’s Emo Night over at one of the clubs.”

Raising an eyebrow, you looked down at him. “Thought you guys didn’t party anymore, old man.”

Throwing his free hand over his chest, he said, “We’re on vacation and you wound me.” Your shared laughter mixed seamlessly before he planted a kiss on your collarbone. “Come on, what do you say?”

You let out a huff. “I already said yes two minutes ago in my mind.”

Eddie looked up, grinning like a devil before pulling you down to connect your lips.

You really could just stay there forever.

You really, really could.

When you went to get ready for the night, your embarrassment set in as you stared down at your suitcase. You hadn’t brought anything black because you never really wore anything black. But you refused to say anything to Eddie or the others, too nervous you’d sound insecure.

But the thing was that you were insecure. And if you did say something, Eddie would offer his clothes that you couldn’t fit into. So, instead, you sucked it up and made yourself look damn good in what you already had: a tight baby pink tank top and a short white pleated skirt with some wedges. The outfit complemented your curves, hitting your waistline just right. You were a beauty queen to behold, no matter how out of place you’d look tonight.

When he got out of the bath, Eddie was there to shower you in compliments as he ate you out, skyrocketing your confidence like never before. And if you so happened to give him head before having to redo your makeup, well, it was worth it.

The two of you were rushing out the door, trying desperately to make it to the others in time before you had to leave. As you sped walked through the winding streets, you couldn’t help but look over at Eddie. He’d stayed in a black wife-beater and a pair of fitted black shorts. Kept his signature rings and beat-up black Converse. Hair in a low bun, eyes shadowed in sparkly charcoal, and his guitar pick choker. Your pretty boy, your gorgeous boyfriend.

A chorus of greetings sounded the moment Grant opened the door. Everyone was decked in their usual ensembles, only altered slightly to accommodate the weather. Gareth, Jeff, and Grant even complimented you on your outfit, lowering your insecurities just enough to breathe momentarily.

But something you noticed was Ronnie eyeing you. It wasn’t obvious at first, just catching her gaze every now and then. By the sixth time you caught her looking you up and down, you were fully aware. Not to mention extremely confused by the behavior.

And it wasn’t something neutral. No, her eyes seemed to narrow bit by bit as Eddie held onto you. As he laughed with Grant over an inside joke. As he handed you another shot with a kiss.

Giving you this look that bordered on a warning. Like you were doing something wrong. Or, rather, she still expected you to make a mistake. Trip up and prove her right.

All you wanted to ask her was what could prove her wrong. What could you do to possibly give her the impression that you were worthy of Eddie’s affections?

But that was something you still wondered for yourself.

It was a chilling thought that you held the same questions.

After pre-gaming with a round of shots and a shared joint, the six of you headed out to the club. Slightly cross-faded, the journey into the club was a little hazy. Because there were bodies upon bodies, all dressed like your boyfriend and the four others in your group. And you stood out for the most part, noticing glances from strangers.

But there was Eddie, arm snug around your waist as you made your way over to what seemed to be a private area overlooking the rest of the crowd on the dance floor. A shot was put in your hand and before you could think, the six of you were throwing them back like it was nothing. And judging by how drunk you already were, it sure tasted like nothing.

Right after slamming the glasses on the table, “If You Can’t Hang” by Sleeping With Sirens started, causing the crowd to cheer. You were one of them, looking at Eddie with a wide grin as he smiled at you.

“Ready to dance, pretty girl?” he asked.

You giggled. “Oh, I was born ready, pretty boy.”

The entire group moved to the dance floor, dangerously close to the growing pit. But you felt a surge of impulse, winking at Eddie and nodding over at the circle. A grin stretched across his face before you pulled him into the whirlpool. He howled in hysterical laughter as you went round and round, arms locked together as you moved around the pit.

You yelled the lyrics with him, giggling at the way Eddie was straining to sound just like Kellin Quinn. Stomping your aching feet through a circle, stabilized by the people on the outside. Round and round you went, a carousel of sweaty bodies colliding, all blissful in the shared comradery. An adoration for music and human connection.

This was better than any after party you’d been to.

“I met a girl talking away!

She found a boy she knew she’d change!

I changed my hair, my clothes, my face

To watch us go our separate ways!”

What a gorgeous rush it was to be there with him. To be people for once, not just celebrities. It was just you and those around you, all able to enjoy this moment together. You were normal. You were human.

And when Eddie grabbed you and swung you both out of the pit, he kept a grip on you. Kissed your temple before pulling you back towards the others. Swayed and let the people around you move you towards your destination.

“You’re fucking crazy for going in blind!” Jeff screamed as you neared, stabling you when the crowd jostled again. “Fucking crazy.”

You merely laughed, shrugging at him. “What can I say? I’m having a good time.”

“Have you ever been in a pit before?”

You turned at the sound of Ronnie’s voice, your smile starting to falter just a little bit. Just enough for her to catch.

Because no. No, you hadn’t. And you didn’t realize that that mattered to her. Or to anyone for that matter.

“Uh, no,” you responded.

“I think it’s hot,” Eddie said into your ear before looking over your shoulder. “She was great for her first time, right?”

You turned back around to meet his wild eyes, more interested in him than whatever the fuck Ronnie had to say about your behavior. He started singing again, attention now on you and only you.

It was addicting, gesturing with your hands as you screamed with your boyfriend at the top of your lungs. There was a certain form of catharsis that came from moments like these, fueled with the release of every negative emotion once associated with the lyrics. Now they were transformed into joy, a shred of light at the end of whatever tunnel that song had once held you in.

As the final verse kicked in, you pulled Eddie’s mouth to yours. Gasped at the way his fingers dug into your waist. Basked in the love that was overflowing from your heart. Your fingertips. Your eyes. Your mouth. Every piece of you was mesmerized by this moment, this little pocket of perfection that couldn’t be replaced. And, God, you truly believed for a moment that it was going to last forever.

“Would you please stay and come inside, baby?

Would you please stay and please be mine?”

To say that you were drunker than you’d been in months was an understatement.

Shot after shot, one drink after another, you were filling up with a bubbly kind of adrenaline. You rotated in jumping into the pit, all of you ending up there at some point. What was left of a voice in your head kept you out of Ronnie’s way, her cold shoulder always too close for comfort.

But Eddie suggested you get a final round. And who were you to pass up on that offer?

As you and Eddie headed towards the bar, you could hear the faint sound of someone calling both of your names. You didn’t want to turn, didn’t want to give attention to a stranger, but you couldn’t help it. And when you did turn, you saw a woman make direct eye contact with you.

All green eyes and wavy blonde hair, looking like a rock star’s girlfriend. Short denim skirt and even shorter crop top, smiling with mauve lipstick. She was really pretty. And then she looked at you, practically scoffing at your appearance.

“Oh my god, Eddie?” the girl squealed, turning her face into something more innocent. “I’m a huge C-C fan.”

C-C?

And Eddie being cross-faded, all open and smiley, gave her a high five.

“Hell yeah!” he exclaimed, chuckling.

“What the hell are you doing here?” she asked.

“A quick getaway with the band and my pretty girl over here.”

That’s when she finally acknowledged you. “Nice to meet you… You are?”

There was that little cut in your chest. You’d heard her say your name. She knew who you were. And she was making it very clear what your place was.

“Can I get a selfie with you?” she asked Eddie when you didn’t respond.

Here was a stranger. A fucking stranger trying to put you in your place.

Eddie nodded. “Fuck yeah, no problem.”

And Eddie wasn’t even aware. He couldn’t understand.

The girl turned to you, giving you a once over like Ronnie had earlier. “Actually, would you take the picture?”

And it was like a punch in the gut, her tight-lipped smile so different than the one given to your boyfriend. She was playing a game behind Eddie’s back, making her disdain for your presence known.

As you took the photo, some part of you couldn’t help but agree with her. Maybe your presence wasn’t as welcome as you once thought. Maybe you didn’t have a place here. Eddie just might not have seen it yet. Maybe he would soon.

When the girl walked away, bumping your shoulder on her way out, Eddie planted a sloppy kiss to your cheek and wiggled his fingers under yours before tugging slightly.

“C’mere,” he said, voice nearly overshadowed by the music. “Screw the next round. Lemme dance with my gorgeous girl. Hm?” You merely shrugged. “This reminds me of the night we met. Remember?”

That brought a smile back to your face. “How could I forget?”

He grinned, kissing your forehead. “Favorite Beatles song?”

“’Ticket To Ride’.”

“Excellent choice off of Help!”

You rolled your eyes. “Why thank you.”

“Just come here, baby.” How he was able to pull you closer was beyond you. “I’ll keep you safe. I promise.”

You sighed and nodded, letting him turn you around before heading back to the pit for another round of revelry and chaos.

“Did I stand out tonight?” you asked, the last of the alcohol turning you into a secret sharer. “Like, did I embarrass you?”

“What? No, baby. Never. Why would you think that?”

You and Eddie had sobered up by the time you fell into bed. But neither of you were quite tired yet, still buzzing off the energy of the nightlife. You caught each other’s eyes, heads on pillows turned towards one another. Moonlight dripping through the curtains. Eddie there, all porcelain and blue. All beauty and grace.

“’Cause I wasn’t dressed like you and Gareth and Grant and Jeff and Ronnie and—”

Eddie’s lips cut you off, all gentle and lovely.

“I like you just the way you are,” he said. “Would you want me to be someone else?”

You shook your head. “Never.”

“Exactly.” Huffing, his eyelids drooped before they fluttered back open. A soft smile adorned his lips. “You called me a pretty boy in your song.”

You chuckled. “Yes, Eddie. Yes, I did.”

“You think I’m a pretty boy?”

“The prettiest.”

“I like that. Pretty boy. People think I’m all mean and scary.”

“In reality, you’re just a soft, pretty boy.”

“The softest,” he agreed. “And the prettiest.”

“I won’t tell anyone, don’t worry.”

“You already did, silly girl.”

You said nothing.

Eddie took your hand, holding it against his chest.

“Wanna ask you something true.”

“Yeah, what is it?”

“What do you miss the most from before?”

You thought about it, fiddling with his tank top all the while.

There was a lot about life before fame that still held value to you. The simplicity of going grocery shopping or to the farmer’s market. Writing in a coffee shop for hours while strangers flitted around you. Walking around thrift shops. Taking your time doing literally anything.

But there was one place you could always stay invisible. A place that transported you to a different time, a different dimension. Come out a different person than before. You could almost taste the buttered popcorn and your favorite soft drink combo. You could almost taste that kind of anonymity again.

You smiled. “Probably going to the movies.”

“You could probably rent out a theater for a matinee showing. No one goes to those.”

“I did,” you said, smiling. “It was my favorite thing to do. Get a few dollars off, have the theater with one or two people who also had a day off. It was fun. I’d save up just to go see a movie.”

Eddie’s grasp on your hand tightened. “I think that’s cool. I always went to the movies and now I just pay for streaming. It’s actually pretty shit.”

“It sucks,” you agreed.

He let out a hum. “You’re making me miss it. Fuck.”

“Do you ever want to go back to that?” you asked softly. “You know, just being a person and not a celebrity.”

“If you asked me six months ago, I might’ve said yes.” The smallest smile reached his tired face. “But I never would’ve met you if I hadn’t gotten famous.”

“Yeah, that’s true,” you breathed.

“I wouldn’t trade you for the world.”

“I never want to be with anyone else ever again,” you confessed, closing your eyes. “I think you’re the best thing to ever happen to me. It’s just scary.”

“Don’t be scared, sweetheart,” he said, voice seemingly farther away than before. “You have me.”

And as sleep began to wash over you, you were left with one last sentence.

“You can’t get rid of me that easily.”

A special thank you to @strangergraphics for her help with these cool dividers!!! Always in love with what you come up with.

#Eddie Munson x reader #Eddie Munson x you #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson angst #modern!eddie munson #modern!eddie x reader #Eddie Munson x female reader #boyfriend!eddie munson #rockstar!eddie #rockstar eddie munson #I really hope this doesn’t suck!#i'll pay the price you won't series

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pardonmydelays · 10 months ago

Note

hi 🥰 what are your favourite and least favourite songs from each Taylor’s album and why? ✨

✨ TAYLOR SWIFT ESSAY ✨

this is going to be hard, but i'll try my best... i'm going to include all taylor's versions & vault tracks of course. WARNING: some of my opinions are controversial, sometimes i'm rude, don't read it if you're a sensitive swiftie.

DEBUT 🤠

FAVOURITE SONG: mary's song - great storytelling - what i love the most about taylor - she just tells you a story & you can see it all happen in your head, one of my favourite lyrics on the album, i love the production, i remember i used to cry to this song when i was a teenager so maybe it's just my sentiment... LEAST FAVOURITE SONG: a perfectly good heart - i mean... do i even have to say anything? it's just such a boring song (sorry) & the lyrics? not that great either.

FEARLESS (taylor's version) ✨️

FAVOURITE SONG: mr perfectly fine - i'm not the biggest country taylor fan anymore (i used to be) but shit this one slaps, i love sassy taylor, "but it's wonderful to see that you're ok!" - my favourite line for sure (the way she sings it!!!), i just loooove singing it & like... everything about this song, really. LEAST FAVOURITE SONG: bye bye baby - i despise this song. now - before you all come at me, you have to understand one thing (pun intended) - this used to be my favourite unreleased taylor song back when it was called... "one thing". i absolutely hate all the lyrics changes, i fucking hate that she changed the title, I CAN'T STAND THIS WEAK PRODUCTION (sorry jack, i still love you), this song used to be powerful... now it's just boring. seriously guys, just listen to both & decide which one is better.

SPEAK NOW (taylor's version) 💜

FAVOURITE SONG: long live - i think i don't even have to explain, this is our song & it always will be our song... i still remember little me coming back home from school & watching speak now tour almost every day, this song brings back so many memories... the bridge is everything, it always makes me cry like a baby... can't wait to hear it live in a couple of months! LEAST FAVOURITE SONG: superman - wow, i just realized i like every single song on speak now & i am choosing this one only because i like it a little less than the others, it still slaps, especially taylor's version - it's much better than the og one.

RED (taylor's version) 🧣

FAVOURITE SONG: all too well 10 minute version - i think i even wrote an essay before about how much this one means to me, call me basic, i don't care, i've been waiting nine fucking years for this version, i will die for this song, it's my child, no one gets it like i do, i just can't pick any other song because this one is better than all the others from all the albums. LEAST FAVOURITE SONG: we are never ever getting back together - i mean... it's not like i hate it, but it's just a skip for me... red is my favourite album & i love that it's so all over the place, but this one just... doesn't belong here. like at all. and it's not the best taylor's lyrics ever.

1989 (taylor's version) 🗽

FAVOURITE SONG: wonderland - this song is just doing things to my brain, holy fuck, i love everything about it, the production is just so incredible i wanna fucking scream, the lyrics, "& in the end in wonderland we both went mad!", this is just a perfect pop song, the worst thing is that this album is full of bops, but this one has a very special place in my heart & i could listen to it on repeat for hours. LEAST FAVOURITE SONG: bad blood - it's a good song & i like it, i don't hate it so don't hate me, it's just the one that is not really my favourite & i don't know what else i can say about it (kendrick lamar version is definitely better)

REPUTATION 🐍

FAVOURITE SONG: getaway car - one thing you need to understand is that... i used to hate this album - on my first listen i was like "what the fuck is this" & i was just laughing... sorry for speaking my truth (i love it now, ok?)... getaway car was the only song i liked on my first listen, like really liked, loved even. it has such a broadway vibe for me, i can't explain. i love the lyrics, i love that i could actually relate to this song at one point in my life, it's just so good. it's great. amazing even. still best song on the album. LEAST FAVOURITE SONG: so it goes - it's so fucking boring OMG it's been years & i still don't even remember... how it goes. i'm being serious, i don't remember the melody, i think i just probably listened to it once & never again & i don't even want to, i'm sorry (i'm not).

LOVER 🩷

FAVOURITE SONG: death by a thousand cuts - y'all need to stop with this cruel summer shit, it's a good song but it's so overrated at this point, have you ever heard about dbatc? the production? the bridge? HAVE YOU HEARD? this may be one of taylor's best songs ever, this is my baby & my first url was inspired by this song (i joined tumblr in lover era), i am dbatc stan first, human second. LEAST FAVOURITE SONG: the archer - yes, i know, you all want to cancel me now... i seriously don't understand why it's everyone's favourite, it's boring!!! & as much as i love jack antonoff, this production is just terrible, sorry. it's a huge skip for me, always has been.

FOLKLORE 🪩

FAVOURITE SONG: mirrorball - it's not an easy choice, but i'm going to go with this one, since i relate so much... it's almost scary. i remember when we were watching long pond studio sessions together when we met for the first time & we had a conversation about this song & then it hit me... i'm a fucking mirrorball. this song just means so much to me. LEAST FAVOURITE SONG: epiphany - but only because i had to choose one & this one is a little bit boring (still good!), i love the entire album.

EVERMORE 🥂

FAVOURITE SONG: ivy - so, fun fact: i didn't like it on my first listen, but once you dive into the lyrics, holy fuck... lyrically, i think it's her best song, i also love the production, i just love fucking everything about this song & it's super fun to play on ukulele, the storytelling here, oh my fucking god! this is the taylor i absolutely adore. LEAST FAVOURITE SONG: closure - it grew on me, i don't hate it, i actually even like it now, it's just a bit weird (especially this sound at the beginning???) & i don't think it belongs to that album... but i don't hate it, it's alright, just not my fave.

MIDNIGHTS 💫

FAVOURITE SONG: the great war - you should have seen my face when i was listening to it for the first time & literally burst into tears & then tried to explain it to my ex & started crying even more hahaha (good old days...). this is my song. i am the great war. so once again: it's just so relatable & it makes me feel... less alone. i don't even want to try to explain, but you guys get it. LEAST FAVOURITE SONG: bigger than the whole sky - not a bad song at all, in fact, the lyrics - absolutely amazing, i just don't really listen to it that often, because the production is a bit boring.

#um... i'm sorry?#some of you might hate me after this #but also thank you #i feel like i needed it today #it's been a while since my last ts essay #& it was so much fun!#now enjoy (or not lol)#ts #taylor swift #i saved every letter you wrote me*#why do you write like you're running out of time*

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awesomefringey · 2 years ago

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Hi Sabine , As a popular louie/larrie blog and a big fan of louis, why do you never have any criticism about team louis? And do you always encourage their small movements? (even if it is not efficient and effective)! don't you expect them to do better? Louis is very talented and beautiful, and everyone who knows him will fall in love with him, Louis's team has Louis who has great potential but they don't do well in introducing Louis to GP

Hi nonnie, first of all I’m not popular at all, I’m just lucky a few actually popular blogs reblog my stuff. 🤣 And second of all I’m a bit struggling with posting my response because it could be taken the wrong way.

So about missing criticism on my blog, admittedly all you anons pretty much dictate what we’re discussing, I only curate my inbox.

But you’re probably right, I don’t have much criticism for Louis’ team because a) I wouldn’t even know who these people are? Or b) what exactly we’re criticizing? So to make a very simple question like “why am I not criticizing Louis’ team?” much more complex, I will share all the layers of counter questions I’d have for you:

Who is the criticism directed at? Louis’ team?

Do you mean LTHQ? (Who are they? What is their job?)

Do you mean Louis’ management?

Do you mean BMG’s promo gang?

Are all of the above the same to you?

What is the criticism about?

“They” should do more?

“They” should achieve more?

“They” are failing goals?

Do we know what those goals were to Louis? Or is everyone picturing their own goals and expectations?

And to make everything worse - this a very personal conviction of mine which differs from a lot of fans around here I’m sure. But great music and its success isn’t defined by charts or awards.

That might sound a bit idealistic and naive but I’ve been ignoring mainstream music for over twenty years easily and I’ve still been to sold out concerts and festivals, got merch of all my favorite bands knowing my musicians are allowed doing what they love doing. And that is music.

I’m even that strange, that if my little indie band “only I know” (hi KOL) suddenly gets a radio hit with their possibly worst mainstream crap song on the album (hi watermelon sugar sex is on fire) I usually turn my back on them.

So it’s hard for me to watch people say FITF failed, or doesn’t perform as expected. Because me, I’m absolutely euphoric for Louis! If he ends up in the charts that’s cool, but listen, he’s released a brilliant album with music he always wanted to make and which is already well received critically. He’s able to tour the world again next year, as he always wanted to. We all loooove the album (No shit! This isn’t some clouded judgment thing. It is as brilliant as we all think!) and isn’t that wonderful for Louis?! He’s in such a great place right now!

I get sad knowing that fans - even with the best intentions in mind - still think if FITF is not charting it’s a failure, it’s Louis’ team’s fault and we should all be disappointed. And I get it you know? It’s all coming from a place of love and support for Louis, and wanting him to conquer the music industry.

But I think, all what he’s achieved by now is a huge success for Louis (UK no. 1 on top). And I hope, he doesn’t sit at home right now staring at streaming numbers and thinking his “team” let him down, or thinking he failed us, or worse he was a failure. So maybe that’s why people don’t even ask for my opinion on Louis’ team. I’m just here vibing and being over the moon I’ve been introduced to All This Time and Headline and Written All Over Your Face and Luck-going on and on…

#ask #louis’ crew #louis’ team #fitf

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pomegranateflesh · 9 months ago

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wowowooooooww breaking the flow of time and space again I see?

helloooo long time no post I see, here am I to feed the fans with CONTENT, this time an Album Cover redraw of Cure Sky,

this is a redraw of the Album: Soaring of Puzzle, i fcking love Puzzle man, you guys haven't seen it yet but I'm a huge huge HUUUUGE fan of the band The Garden, so of course I'm a huge fan of each of the members solo career as well, I don't remember if I've listened to the whole album of Soaring yet but what I do know is that I LOOOOOOVE love looove the song "Soaring" from that album,

it's such an upbeat yet melancholy tune and the lyrics match as well, talking about soaring through past pains, I mostly interpret it to be about exes but it can be about soaring past anything, any problem in your way,

but it also talks about keeping the things the person referred in the song thought him, "she gave me something to have forever", and I think that is very beautiful, to be able to keep that happiness still even though that person isn't part of your life anymore, keeping the little things they thought you, it's beautiful yet saddening but what can we do? unlearning things is hard, why not carry those things learned with us regardless?

as you can see my autistic ass looooves this song

now as for the drawing, as you could guess by the clean lines I made this on my phone with my fingers in IbisPaintX, the idea was to try and copy the HirogaruSky's artstyle the most but uhhm.... I've always HATED doing the lineart, so much so that for a good year I just scanned my sketches from paper directly into IbisPaint with a filter and cleaned it just to skip past doing the lineart,

so uhmmm... it didn't really pan out, but it sure was quite fun seeing what composes the Hirogaru artstyle, and after dissecting it I now see it really isn't thaaaaat hard to copy but oh welllll

an explanation for the colors is that while searching for a good render of Cure Sky I've come across just how different the colors look from one official art to another, and I took that to my advantage, and did a "canon muted version" and a "headcanon colorful version" its fun to see how they differentiate, and it combines well with the upbeat yet mellow approach of the Album

did i mention yet that I drew all this initially to use it as a thumbnail for a damn AMV? no? well... yeah I was thinking of doing a HirogaruSky tribute with this song since the anime ended and yknow.. if you translate HirogaruSky's name it CAN be translated as "SoaringSky Precure".. soooo.....🥺

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filmografo · 1 year ago

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series intro - BIRTHPLACE

genre: space opera, sci-fi, litfic (a bit)

status: drafting / “outlining” book 2/3.

pov: third person limited, present tense.

tropes / themes: the unbearable weight of mortality, the terrifying realization of Want, space lesbians, growing up / apart / back, lgbtq+, exes to rivals to whatever it is austrakit are currently, found family, finding oneself, (space) war era, ambiguity, subjectivity, capital p Pining (+ more tba)

summary: After finding out her ex-girlfriend is training a ten men crew for what is essentially a suicide mission to map a planet Earth that’s been left behind, Kit Nikon desperately tries to give her life a new meaning.

tags (more TBA): #: birthplace #[we] have the sun in common

Space station gardens, neon green & blue, roots taking place, the smell of damp earth, bright unflickering lights, starfighters, healing bruises, hands against cold metal, sea water, warm sunshine, home in the valley of someone else’s ribs.

characters:

nalkita “kit” nikon (23 - she/her?) | 🌱

emigrate, novo amor

de selby (part 1), hozier

glossover, afternoon bike ride / lowswimmer

strangers, ethel cain

austra andante (23 - she/her) | 🌊

repeat until death, novo amor

i wouldn’t ask you, clairo

the end of love, florence + the machine

there’s nothing left for you, mitski

excerpt:

To know something is to be in constant battle with it: the plaguing of a garden, trying to disinfect a never-healing wound. Being near Austra, hands dripping with blood that never belonged to either of their bodies, means Nalkita has to fight against her own humanity, fight against desire. Close up her throat so the words I wish you would, Lieutenant don’t come out, raw and real. Kit understands so little about herself and knows Austra so much — the feeling of her expressive eyebrows against a fingertip, the weight of every responsibility she carries. Who is she to add another sandbag to Austra’s already aching shoulders but a soldier, a sinning one, at that? Refusing to give up on something that was never hers to begin with.

rambles / more about the series under the cut! :D

this was born from a fanfic/short story i wrote 2 years ago when i wasn’t ready to face what came after the events of what is now book 1 of the birthplace series. i took inspiration from novo amor’s birthplace album, which re-enlightened me about the meaning of “home”. i still hold it extremely close to my heart and will forever.

for book 1 of this, “astro-garden”, the journey kit goes on is extremely personal, quite lonely, quite difficult. titles never meant something to her until austra got one. there’s not much i can say except kit is a firecracker of a person and she’s going to need a lot of luck (she’s strong, she’ll manage)!

book 2 “roots in infertile soil” is as chaotic as i can possibly make a book. there’s more pining (for reasons...), more action, more drama... the characters are all a joy to write and flesh out, and the mercury ii crew are the type of found family that i’ve always loved to read about <3 i’ll introduce each and every one of them with tags in the near future so stay tuned for that!!! :)

book 3 is still in its early earlyyy development stages but hopefully i’ll have something cool to say about it sooner rather than later !

feel free to ask me about anything birthplace-related seeing as this is the only project i am currently (actively) working on!!! i would love love loooove to chat more about secondary characters, locations (the spaceships are Alive), discuss the plot / themes more in depth, etc!

i will be making a taglist with everyone who wants to get updates from this (i'll post more abt that later!) so send me an ask if you’d like to join it :D !

thank you for reading this (kinda long?) intro post for my silly little still unwritten novels hehe! i hope to hear more from u soon

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msmargaretmurry · 1 year ago

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what's some music you've been really into recently? artists or songs or playlists or whatever!

well, i am at heart a basic white girl so i've been jamming to speak now (taylor's version) a lot the past few weeks 🥴 especially the bonus tracks..... got me rotating blorbos at lightspeed in my head.

i have a couple of album anniversary tours coming up in early fall so i've been spinning those a lot in preparation — the greatest generation by the wonder years, transatlanticism by death cab, give up by the postal service. very much looking forward to losing my mind hearing all of these live!!

also, it's summer, so i've been listening to a lot of country music. loooove country music in the summer. i have a playlist of all queer country artists that i made for my bff for their birthday that i'm super into, and a playlist that's all country men singing about being the most pathetically down bad they could possibly be that is titled "brady's pining playlist" and yes i have been listening to it while writing brady/quinn fic. also, not country, but i really love my writing playlist for eldest daughter quinn hughes so that's getting a lot of play rn.

according to receiptify, these are my top tracks recently not including the tswift ones:

GODDAMNITALL - the wonder years

it's still cool if you don't - briston maroney

a sky full of stars - coldplay

you're gonna go far - noah kahan

2am - landon conrath

dismantling summer - the wonder years

anywhere with you - maggie rogers

handle me - MUNA

december (again) - neck deep

low tide - the wonder years

close to you - dayglow

american teenager - ethel cain

#ask #in general the answer to what music am i into recently is 'well the wonder years and also--'#if anyone is interested in the queer country playlist lmk! i'm not linking my spotify acct On Here because it has my face on it but #i can list the songs or recreate it somewhere else or something lol #the writing playlists stay under wraps until the fics are done though sorry 😂

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earlgreytea68 · 2 years ago

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After a weekend of listening, I think I agree with Andy that Heaven, Iowa is my favorite song. The build on that one just hits me like a punch to the chest. And to have those lyrics with that rise and fall. Just, *guttural noises* I love it so much!

That being said, most likely to have on repeat for a good 10 min is Hold Me Like a Grudge. I love that bit of Michael Jackson/Soul Punk flair, but still so very Fall Out Boy.

HOW THE HELL DOES PATRICK SING HOLD ME LIKE A GRUDGE hahaha I cannot keep up with those lyrics. I mean, this is why he's Patrick Stump and I am not lol. But YEAH.

I'm not on Twitter anymore but friends were very nicely sending me tweets of what people were saying about the album and one of them was something like, "So Fall Out Boy just dropped the best Fall Out Boy song ever written," and it was about Heaven, Iowa <3

I genuinely cannot decide my favorite song on the album, no, I lie, it's Fake Out, but, like, saying that's my favorite song on the album is like saying my favorite part of cake is in the inside and not the edge BUT IT'S ALL CAKE, RIGHT????

I loooove Heaven, Iowa, though, you're right that there's something about the build on it that's incredible. Also, Idk anything about music production but the way Patrick's voice sounds both times he sings "6am, Mulholland Drive, Moonlight Sonata and I," like, kills me??? Idk.

I also love I Am My Own Muse, I keep going back to that one, too. And So Much (for) Stardust, my favorite couplet on the entire album might be "I used to be a real go-getter / i used to think it'd all get better," like, by Pete's usual standards, it's super-straightforward and monolayered but something about the way Patrick sings it just makes my heart squeeze every single time, it is such a MOOD. (Actually, second-favorite couplet is also in that song: "I think that I've been going through it / and I've been putting your name to it." UGH.)

For every single song, Patrick takes Pete's words and, like, multiplies their impact times a million? Which he's always kind of done, but he outdoes himself on this album, the melodies he's crafting for them just raise the ante on them.

#peterick #fall out boy #fob #bandom

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cgtg · 8 months ago

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listened. big faves are skyscraper, triumph, fool (had a Moment w this while exploring my friend's new mc server), 3030, apt. a, spitfire, unemployed black astronaut (BIG WOW tho i am a sucker for some acoustic), get wet, skrenth, the otherground pizza party, and small mr man pants. now i am picturing dave doing the nae nae. wowzers. out of curiosity, what was the original last song going to be on the playlist?

lets foucking goooooooooooooo

those r sum of my top favz in there 2 i fuckig love doseone & busdriver & del . raugh !!!!!!!! skyscraper is prob my fav song in the whole playlist atm, i am obsessed w it and the grandfather clock.

otherground pizza party is so funny, the reason i wanted 2 include r.a.p. ferreira n stuff is bc their lyricweaving is so good like a goddag wizzard. loooove it br0 im so happie u found stuff u liked in there <3

this is guna sound so dummy but i actually forgot. wat i had set up as the last song originally. i was always gona end it with You Go Dave but i had a diff sawng b4 that. i think it wus mebby a droop capone song? defo wouldnt have been as gud as small mr man pantz so im glad youtube sabo'd me

omfg man coe... thank u 4 listening 2 da whole thing u r such a real 1 ily. i spent so much time on it hahah.

edit: actually i think it wuz a subtitle song. checks out w the fact i only ended up w/ one subtitle song in the playlist.... only 1 of subtitles albums is on youtube i think

#that bein said i actualy switched out one of the ferreira songz bc im indecisive as fukk.

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felixcatton · 2 years ago

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Hello ma’am ☀️ 👋🏻 😌

Having watched djats (I blame u), I’d love to hear about your fav parts of the show and book - bonus points if they’re not in the book and show! (Of course if you feel inclined to share! 😊)

I'M SO HAPPY YOU WATCHED, i'll gladly take the blame 😁 i'll keep it to things that aren't in the book or in the show, orrrrr just things that i just think were executed way better in one rather than the other!

the book:

this is more just something that i thought wasn't executed as well in the show, but... karen. like everything about karen. i loooove suki waterhouse, but much preferred karen in the book. the show tried sorta, but she felt watered down. among other reasons, i have... Complicated feelings about karengraham and like 90% of her scenes were with graham. in the book, she was my third favourite character and i loved her entire arc.

i was skimming the book the other day and i was so struck by how MUCH there is about teddy and billy working on aurora together. i love that their dynamic was like a father/son, yes, but also such a musical partnership. there's such an ease to their work together, like musical soulmates. they were such a tight, exclusive unit that it's like yeah no wonder the band hated you 😭 but i loved it<3

on that same note, i did love billy and teddy going back and rerecording so much of the album behind everyone's backs. and i obviously just mean that in the sense that i simply can't help but enjoy an annoying rude tyrannical little control freak character and i especially enjoy watching those traits destroy all of their relationships. and this particular thing factored so heavily into the band's resentments and ultimate break-up that i was surprised the show didn't include it other than eddie throwing in a single line about it in the last episode. the show obv already has ample examples of billy being an asshole in this way, but this specifically was a real stand-out moment in the book to me.

daisy's general motherhood arc, which IS obviously a part of the show, and i do like the way it was done in the show; i just really, really loved how a hope like you was explicitly about that in the book.

a hope like you on snl!!!!! the idea of them doing a stripped down, intimate performance right at the time that daisy feels most vulnerable with him, and everyone going so crazy for it that they have to try to recreate it at every show. and with a song that is SO vulnerable to her, a song that she admits is about him but is on a much larger scale about her wish to become a mother, to be the kind of woman who could be a good mother, like the kind of woman he married. and how singing this particular song with him in this particular way becomes actually torturous. it was such a choice. this part, particularly the last paragraph, is just insane.

the show:

daisybilly actually kissing. not once, not twice, but three times. like, thank god.

SIMONE AND BERNIE 💖🧡💕💓💝💗💞❤️💘

playing up daisy's mommy issues was such a good choice. their phone call in episode 10 was a highlight of the whole show for me.

okay i'm an eddie hater and wish it could've been done with someone else (although i get why it was eddie, it definitely added to the eddie/billy rivalry, or rather the eddie/billy rivalry that eddie wishes existed) but i am happy that camila got an explicit cheating plot. like she needed that. we all needed that.

this is a really little scene but it's kind of a big one when you compare it to the book. billy and camila talking about having another child but then never having one, considering they already had three kids at that point in the book. like... what an interesting scene lmao. but also how he reacts the exact same way to camila bringing up another baby as he did to daisy bringing up another album. it’s a lot.

billy's relapse and camila leaving him in episode 10. not just because i thought it was nice to see camila actually say "enough is enough" but because i was glad to see both of them forced to confront everything and realize that just saying "everything is fine" does not, in fact, make everything fine. and that billy was white-knuckling his sobriety! i was happy to see that actually fully acknowledged. the fact that he actually goes back to rehab and stays in therapy afterwards and how that's really the only reason they were able to stay together and make it work, while in the book they just never talk about it ever and are like "we prefer it this way actually" (which is hilarious and so, so crazy like book!camilabilly will forever be so fascinating to me, i want to study their brains). for the show, i thought that was a really satisfying conclusion that imo made it clear that the rest of their marriage really was happy, even if still surely complicated™️

#anti edmila #anti emila #whatever the hell they're called 😭#long post #daisy jones & the six #answered #asmoonlightthroughthepines

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moonjxsung · 8 months ago

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woah wait hold up i come back after like a day or two and i scroll back reading all the stuff i missed and i see YOU AND 🩵 ANON SPEAKING IN SPANISH woah have i ever mentioned that second languages are really fucking hot woah am i falling in love with both of you or am i falling in love with both of you WOAH HOLY SHIT SECOND LANGUAGES ARE SO FINE 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️

im kr but ive been living in the u.s. almost my whole life (ever since like very early elementary school) but korean is still the language i use at home + with my family and english was my second language so whenever i switch between the two it doesnt feel like anything to me BUT WHEN SOMEONE ELSE SWITCHES LANGUAGES OH MAH LAWD 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️ 🤸‍♀️🤸‍♀️🤸‍♀️🤸‍♀️🤸‍♀️🤸‍♀️🤸‍♀️ holy moly its actually so fucking hot idk how else to describe it RAHH

anyways um updates on my life !! i recently went out to hang out w friends and watch a movie and go shopping and it ended up raining a little bit but it was still okay we ended up watching a horror movie and i cried 18 minutes into it because im shit easily scared for some reason while my friends were laughing their asses off saying the scene was funny like NO ITS NOT STOP LAUGHING !!!!!

we also went to a kpop store and i was heavily deciding whether i should get the super bowl album but i ended up not getting it because it was 42 bucks for type b at the store and i found a cheaper price online 😋😋 i did end up getting this really cute dress and a corset with it though so im pretty happy about that otherwise

WBU STAR hows life treating you pookie 😔😔😔

~《☘️》

HELLO MY ANGEL HOW ARE YOU !!

Also YES I am half Mexican so I know Spanish very well (I really don’t speak it well at all but I can fully read & write it) I DIDNT KNOW THAT WAS CONSIDERED ATTRACTIVE TO PEOPLE PLELWKDODKSKSKKEDN 🩵 anon are you hearing this la gente piensa que somos atractivos por ser bilingües ‼️‼️ ALSO THAT IS SO COOL THAT YOU SPEAK KOREAN?????? Maybe I understand your knack for switching between languages being attractive THE WAY YOU CAN JUST EFFORTLESSLY FLOW BETWEEN THE TWO IS SO FUCKING COOL HELLO??????? You ate frfr 💯💯

ALSO I FUCKING LOOOOVE HORROR MOVIES OMG HELLO what was the movie…… it did take me a little while to come around to the idea of horror movies but I have seen like 200+ of them (I have a whole list in my notes if anyone wants recs) I LOVE THEM SM

ALSO NOT US MATCHING???? I bought Super Bowl like last week and I pulled Jilix (manifested soooo hard I love this for me) also bought circus and pulled Channie the mannie 🫶‼️‼️ YOUR DRESS SOUNDS SO CUTE TOO IM SO EXCITED FOR U TO WEAR IT FOR SPRING. SLAY

Life is treating me GOOD I went to this little boutique yesterday and found my dream Marge Sherwood purse (it’s a Korean designer brand Felix wears on occasion for those who don’t know !!) and then I bought a second purse bc I have a purse addiction 🤸‍♀️ and I have SO much work to do but I’m chugging coffee and then I’m going to the gym and then I’m going to sit down and write for the evening !! We cheered

ILY POOKIE SOOOO MANY KISSES FOR U MWAHH 💓💞💕💘🩷💖👼

#☘️ anon #ask

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cleoselene · 1 year ago

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🎶✨️when u get this u have to put 5 songs u actually listen to, publish. Then, send this ask to 10 of your favorite followers ✨

oh yay thanks for sending me this one, I loooove music asks!

gonna pick the songs that are my current obsessions. I definitely go through phases with songs.

Tori Amos - Bang

youtube

2018's Native Invader was an album I 100% slept on (mostly because someone who is now an ex-friend really hated it and heard it before me and told me how much it sucked and like the loser follower I tend to be, I took her word for it and only gave the album a cursory listen) and now I am discovering how fucking brilliant it is. Tori has 17 original studio albums, Native Invader is #16, and long past the point when her annoying "fans" claimed she'd lost her touch. But they're wrong. She is still vividly creating even while turning 60 next month -- at this point so many musicians have stopped writing and just go tour the hits. We are BLESSED as fans of hers that she is so prolific. Another way in which she reminds me of Taylor -- both of them seem to have this compulsion to be constantly creating music and have scores of unpublished songs because like, writing songs is what I imagine both of these ladies do with like 90% of their time. Native Invader is a politically-charged album, written in the wake of Trump's election, and "Bang" is about the violent hatred Trump and his election fostered against immigrants. It's really powerful and structured gorgeously. Getting this album on vinyl changed everything for me, because vinyl really allows the instrumentation to shine.

hahaha I'm rambly so putting the other four behind a cut. HOPE YOU DON'T REGRET INVITING ME TO WAX POETIC ABOUT MUSIC

2. Taylor Swift - Maroon

youtube

I have been living a Maroon Appreciation Life since October 21, 2022. This is more or less tied for me as the best song that Taylor has written with Jack (tied with Getaway Car for me) and I really wish had been put in the main Eras setlist, because I think the full instrumentation and staging and costuming and lighting for a Maroon performance would have been just 🔥🔥🔥

It is, much to my surprise, my actual favorite song on Midnights. And this surprises me because i am SUCH a ho for when Taylor writes with Aaron Dessner, and don't get me wrong, the Dessner tracks on Midnights on my favorite. It's the Dessner collabs and Maroon that MAKE this album iconic for me. I don't love the production on all of the songs, but the production on Maroon is just PERFECT. It's lush, it's got that sadgirl dance music vibe that I live for. Mark Ronson has a sadgirl dance album called Late Night Feelings that I'm a huge fan of and Maroon reminds me of a track from that album. Just, this smooth electronic vibe that would play well in a club but also plays well as sitting in your room alone wallowing in sad music. Is it my favorite Taylor song of all of them? No, that's still ivy, but Maroon is in the top tier. Like, if all the songs on Midnights are drowning and I can only save one, I'm saving Maroon. That's a real fuckin' legacy.

3. Garth Brooks - Much Too Young (To Feel This Damn Old)

goddammit Garth, i can't drop a youtube or even a spotify link to this one because of your dumb exclusivity contracts. that being said, I recently switched from spotify to amazon music (bought a vinyl from amazon, they gave me 3 free months of amazon music as a gift, and well, why pay 12 bucks a month for spotify when I'm getting it for free from amazon music? And even after the three months it only goes up to like 8 dollars or something, AND, it's Garth Brooks' exclusive streaming platform. SO NOW I CAN LISTEN TO GARTH AGAIN.

My favorite thing about Garth (aside from his music, which is just excellent and classic and such beautifully crafted classic Americana) is that every few years the ignorant conservative segment of the country music fanbase re-discovers anew that Garth is, in fact, as the Fox News pundits say while clutching pearls, "woke." They need to be reminded that he wrote "We Shall Be Free" all the way back in 1990 with lyrics that very explicitly praise racial diversity and support queer people.

At the moment the dummies are mad because Garth won't stop serving Bud Light in his bar, has said transphobes are not welcome, and his reaction to conservatives putting down DEI programs is to say "Diversity and inclusion are what I am all about," essentially. Garth is old school country in the vein of Willie and Dolly and Emmylou and Loretta, just younger, sneaking in at the tail end of the old school outlaw country when it was less about the sort of conservative shit-kickin that emerged in the 90-now and you had Willie Nelson doing Farm Aid and Dolly Parton giving books to all the kids in her state, and Johnny Cash singing for prisoners. Garth is so much more alike that crew even if they're not his generation, than he is with buffoons like Travis Tritt who were his actual contemporaries He's always been a real ally, his sister is a lesbian and let me tell you, as an 11 year old daughter of a lesbian in 1990 when a guy like Garth is singing GAY RIGHTS while you live in the pseudo-South of Florida? Big fuckin deal.

On top of that, his music's just gorgeous. Romantic in all the senses of the word. Conveying yearning in ways that make my chest ache. This song has resonated with me all my life, honestly, I've always felt older than my years, but especially now that I'm a sick person. It makes me cry.

Like my ultimate ultimate dream for Taylor Swift (Taylor's Version) is for one of her collabs on a vault track to be with Garth Brooks, because they are really respectively the biggest country stars of their generations, achieving that huge GLOBAL success that pulls in people who aren't even a fan of the country genre, simply by writing music that really appeals to people's hearts and souls. I love when I can tell a songwriter is a hopeless romantic, and Garth definitely is. There's a vulnerability and tenderness to his ballads especially.

4. Tori Amos - Digital Ghost

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there's a lot of theories as to who this song is about, but I really honestly don't care about any of them. Tori songs are poetry more than lyrics, meant to be open to multiple interpretations, and really, no interpretation is necessarily right or wrong. Tori herself says this: she says that when she puts a song out into the world, it no longer belongs to her, and it becomes something different to every listener. She's talked about meeting fans who gush about a song and what it meant to them, and sometimes she's like, "yeah, absolutely, i was thinking the same thing too," but very often her reaction was also "huh. well. if that's how you see it, I'm glad it's useful to you!" She has acknowledged a lot of fans get meaning from her song that were never a part of her meaning, but she also acknowledges that it doesn't make the fans' meaning of a song less valid. Music is like that.

So do I really know what this song is about, specifically, or who? I've read the theories it's about Trent Reznor, a piece in conversation with NIN's Year Zero album, but idk about all of that. Could be true, could be bullshit. To me? The lyrics feel like Tori is singing TO me. I feel like the Digital Ghost. Actually really considered changing my tumblr url to some version of "digital ghost" that is available, but i hate changing my url because I get so confused when other people do it, hahah, but it's like. She sings of reaching out to someone, someone who seems more comfortable communicating with the world through the internet, through technology:

It started as a joke Just one of my lucks to see If somehow I could reach you So I swam onto your shores Through an open window Only to find you all alone Curled up with machines

and the song goes on to discuss the concept of a person fading away, becoming a ghost of a person more comfortable with machines than with flesh and blood people. It resonates for me on multiple levels. As an introvert, I do like to spend a lot of time alone with my machines. As someone whose dearest friends don't live geographically close, my machines allow me to have any communication at all with my loved ones. I spend so much of my time these days, with my stressed out, unhealthy MS and migraine brain, exhausted beyond belief by a trip to the grocery store, on low-dose chemo with a threadbare immune system so even if i wanted to go out more, it's literally not safe. So I don't go out to dinner and i don't go to baseball games as much and i get walmart grocery pick up so i don't have to walk around a store full of germs. Honestly a very very large part of the reason I sold my Eras tickets was because the thought of being around 80k people legit terrified me on a mental and physical level. It sucks. I wasn't always like this. But MS changed my life forever, and then Covid just magnified it all. I don't know that I'll ever be able to enjoy things like going out to eat anymore. I've always wanted to go on a cruise; now you couldn't pay me, I know I'd get so sick.

So i feel like a Digital Ghost. Curled up with my record player and my computer and my smart TV because they're safer, and the me I was has been fading away for some time now. I'm sounding more emo than I feel, hahah, because honestly sad songs are very therapeutic for me and help me process my own pain. Digital Ghost for me right now is helping me process something heavy, and for the umpteenth time in my life, I feel like Tori is my big sister holding my hand and helping me navigate this wild ride that is womanhood. And I find the achingly sad songs very comforting and cathartic. It's actually often really peppy songs that irritate me lol /is goth

5. Peter Murphy - I'll Fall With Your Knife

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So. This is actually my favorite song of all time by anyone, and it has been for 25 years now. When I was 18 and had just moved out of the house and was a sweet little babygoth, I lived in Tampa and clubbed goth-style in Ybor City 4-5 nights a week. Get all gothed up from head to do and go dancing to dramatic and sad gothic/industrial and seeing more boys in dresses than an episode of RuPaul's Drag Race. It was my ritual, it was my church, it was my identity for several years. Putting on the costume (because well, it was. I'm a t-shirt and jeans and no-makeup person naturally. Putting on long black skirts and wearing corset tops and fishnets on my arms and caking on loads of make-up and shaping part of my hair into demonic horns made of coiled up braids while wearing my steel-toed Dr. Martens was a lot of stuff do to in order to get ready. I am not a prissy person by nature so spending an hour to doll up is something I find to be a choice honestly, but I thought the style was pretty and I LOVED the music.

Dancing was my favorite part. South Park's depiction of goth dancing is inaccurate and stupid, lol, and it's hard to explain, but it's prettier than that. And it's also a solo dance. You don't dance with other people, you're not grinding or leading someone else. You're connecting with the music on a pure level and it's about that musical connection, not about looking cute or hooking up. That being said, there was this guy who would dance at the club to all the same songs I liked to dance to and I thought he was sexy as hell. Should have realized a good dancer who is also a guy would be gay as the day is long, but Patrick and I became good friends after my thirsty hopes were crushed. Turns out, he had spent the same couple of months thinking I was a good dancer, too! On a platonic level, haha, because he was very much gay, but I liked that we were drawn to each other by something as human and joyous as dancing.

This song. This was the song that had Patrick and me dropping our drinks and bolting for the dance floor the second we heard the first opening note. It was OUR song. And we didn't dance with each other, because again: goth dancing is a solo venture. But we danced next to each other so many times and sang at the top of our lungs together, and never more so than to I'll Fall With Your Knife.

It's just a quintessential goth song. Forget Marilyn Manson, even back in 1996 I knew he was a poser making shit music and trying to pass it off as goth when it was just dumb shock rock that had none of the soul and spirit of real gothic/industrial, and also, tbh, was extremely derivative to the point of being plagiaristic. He was doing exactly what Skinny Puppy had been doing for decades, only Puppy did it much better and with less rape obsession. Brian Warner is a pervert obsessed with Nazis and subjugating and abusing women. Skinny Puppy was a band called that because they're sensitive dudes who love animals and their pet cause (no pun intended) is to stop animal experimentation, specifically vivisection. It makes me sad and angry that the world thinks of Brian fucking Warner as representative of the goths and industrial music, because gothic/industrial is a counterculture genre that challenges oppression. There's a reason Trent Reznor almost immediately regretted knowing the asshole.

But Peter Murphy? The lead singer of Bauhaus? Writing this achingly romantic song about love, goth style? This is what pulled the goth kids to the dance floor. And when it was played at full blast in the big club speakers it was just beyond beautiful. The flood does indeed wash all over you.

Well, if the birds can reach the sky To this land, I'll be with you 'Til the sun bursts from your side With my hands I reach to you Well, you think your chance is passing by Well, you blow your moon away I'll bleed like the reed Fall with your knife It's here, I'll be with you

fucking beautiful words. romance so lovely and scarlet and joyously melancholy.

Incidentally, there is another artist who I absolutely adore who also claims this as their favorite song of all time: Sarah McLachlan. She's a brilliant musician so that makes me feel like i got taste that we have the same favorite song ever lol

#swiftzeldas #THANK YOU AND IF YOU READ IT ALL YOU GET A GOLD STAR #music #tori amos #taylor swift #peter murphy #garth brooks #lol at this mix of musicians but like i see nothing wrong with being a fan of Skinny Puppy Taylor Garth and Tori simultaneously!#it's called having range! lol

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