#that’s right i’m still delusionally hopeful because of that one instagram comment | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

oimitocat · 2 months ago

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YOU TELL ME | OS

༘۠ hyunjin x artist! m!reader

༘۠ falling in love + nsfw + one night stand + fan (hyunjin) x artist (reader) + masturbation + teasing + getting together

༘۠ a/n; nothing else to add, just that the nsfw is more like a flashback than full blown smut

“this week’s biggest news! artist y/n is doing a world tour! the rising artist had caught a lot of attention not only from his new album that has reached top fifty on the billboard charts but also prying eyes from his recent attendance at a fashion event in seoul, korea! the artist has spoken about his—”

hyunjin zones out after half of the video. the video of y/n smiling catching his full attention. you have a beautiful smile, one he had fallen in love with even more the moment he saw you in person at the fashion event. up until now he’s only been seeing you through his phone, hoping for a chance in his schedule to visit your concerts and get an autograph.

“how about i sign you instead of this picture?” you ask with a mischievous grin.

“—the artist is dropping his tour list today at eight pm. comment down where you live and if you’re excited to hear his newest album in person!”

hyunjin look at the time at the top of his phone screen. it’s 6:30 am right now. which means the tour list already dropped. he quickly goes to your instagram and squeals at the sight of the post. his eyes rack the list but his smile falters after a while. you’re going to the usa, italy, portugal, germany and spain. not korea. of course, no one really comes to korea. he sighs, turning his phone off and staring out into the darkness of his room.

“i’m sorry?” he asked, confused at what you had said. “sign me?”

immediately, a paper is held up to hyunjin by a man standing next to y/n. hyunjin recognizes the paper, he doesn’t even have to read what’s on it. he knows. he looks up at you, startled and bewildered. is this… for real?

he had managed to get you on the way to the restroom. the event was still going, everyone is still sitting and socializing. he turns to his own escort. he’s never been in this situation, he himself has never asked a fan to sign the nda contract. as exhilarating as this is, it’s also very… embarrassing.

“hyunjin, right?” you ask, snapping him out of his mental turmoil. “don’t you want to get to know me?”

hyunjin swallows, “pen?”

the sight of your grin growing makes him want to combust in the spot.

he turns over, groaning out of embarrassment. did he have to sound so stupidly nervous? he can’t complain though, at the end of the day he got to experience something even better with you. the memory itself makes him a hot mess. all he had asked was when your new album would drop. he made conversation for once because it was literally a once in a lifetime opportunity.

and well…

the hotel. you were escorted to the hotel thirty minutes away from the event. the whole event you kept glancing at him. eye fucking him. not just him though, he was aware of everyone else eyeing him — yet, your eyes were what mattered most to him. he’s smiling to himself, biting his thumb until the time arrives.

he even texted felix, letting him know he’s on the verge of throwing up from nerves. all he received was a ‘liar, stop being delusional’. to which he replies with a picture of you serving him a glass of wine.

he pulls up that exact picture, eyeing your side profile. your hands— “oomf,” he groans, shoving his face into the pillow. those same hands that roamed his body.

he doesn’t exactly know what to say, he just listens to you talk. yet, his eyes are on you hand. the rings that decorate your fingers. you have one on each finger except the thumb.

he asked about it after you finish talking about how the event security did another artist dirty. you pause, looking at him intensely before smiling.

“it’s more aesthetically pleasing that way. don’t worry though, i’ll have my hands clean for you.” he stares at you with wide eyes as you lean in, after all, i want to feel you under them.”

and he leans in to kiss you.

hyunjin turns his phone off again, screaming into his pillow. the nerve he had! to kiss you! what if you thought he was desperate. well, regardless, what’s done is done. you had him and he had you. the desperation was both sided…

“you know you’re beautiful, right? why say it?” you say as you slide your hands up his inner thighs, feeling the firmness of his muscles. “you’re already a work of art,” he whines when your hand grazes his hardened member. “let me add some final touches though.”

you kiss his jaw, slowly going further down his neck. there’s a spot that get a gasp out of him. you kiss and lick, humming and moaning at his noises. he sounds so beautiful. you kiss down his collabone, his chest. as you reach his nipple, you bring your other hand up to his neck. the weight of your hand— ringless, because you had taken them off before bringing him to the bed— making him whimper. you suck and nibble on his hardened bud. he jolts and writhes under you, you have to add some pressure on his neck to get him to behave.

it’s hot. really hot. hyunjin almost cums from your attention alone. you kiss further down, your hand leaving his neck and coming down to his thighs. he gasps and buckles his hips when you kiss his leaking tip.

“don’t worry pretty,” you breathe out, smiling at how undone he’s becoming in your hands, “you’ll get what you want.” and you take him in your mouth.

hyunjin moans as he cums in his hand. he goes limp on his bed, airy breaths leaving his mouth. he closes his eyes, the last smile you threw at him before leaving the hotel replaying in his head. he remembers how weak his legs were after hours of you pounding him into the sheets. after coming four times and the aftercare that came with it.

it was so much.

yet so little.

——

weeks pass by. months. hyunjin is stuck reminiscing on the past, at some point he doesn’t. his schedule gets hectic again. there is hope though. hope that one day you two could do something again or maybe just text. it’s not possible though, his management wouldn’t allow it unless the two of you undergo some sort of process. which sucks.

he’s being delusional, especially now with how he was told two months ago that they will be attending an award ceremony. the billboard awards.

the practice is crazy. the schedule is hectic. he wants to barf at some point because you’re going to be somewhere near his seat and the thought alone makes him nervous. will you treat him indifferently? will you act like nothing happened?

“you good?” felix asks, snapping him out of his thoughts.

they’re backstage now, ready to perform.

“i wanna throw up,” he confesses, giving felix a look.

the younger catches on fast. almost everyone in the group already knows now, his anxiety as the day of the awards drew near was too worrying. they all assured him they’ll have his back, yet he still doesn’t know what he’ll do if he really does become another person on your list that was a one time thing. obviously, it’s better for both of you for it to not repeat.

yet, he can’t help but be hopeful. as much as he knows it’s for the best… as much as he knows that the contract strictly says this will not be repeated… why is his heart so yearning?

he doesn’t mean to. he looks across the stage and glides over the countless faces before them when they finish their stage.

“wonderful work out there!” their managers yell out as they all file backstage. “if anyone needs to use the bathroom go now.”

“i’m good,” seungmin shrugs.

“come with me?” felix asks hyunjin, who nods.

hyunjin and felix are the only ones that go. felix happily praises him for “not spilling your guts out! see? all good!”

hyunjin rolls his eyes and shoves felix into the stall. he waits outside by the sinks, looking at himself in the mirror. he’s damp with sweat, his hair is still a little messy, they’ll do touch ups once they return.

the door opens, he’s not a social person, so he shies away and doesn’t dare look at the person.

“hey hyunjin,” you say loud enough for him to hear. he turns around, almost getting whiplash. you were standing before him, smiling warmly. “you look great,” you grin, “i’ve always wanted to see you perform…”

“ah, th-thank you, you perform in a bit, r-right?” hyunjin can’t believe it.

“yeah but…” you look around, “we could perform something else together later…”

hyunjin blinks. he wants to be swallowed up whole right now. felix is here. “i- uh…”

“hey, sorry, i don’t want us to just be hooking up… it’s hard to get past your management,” you hum, “let’s stay in contact. i liked talking to you, yeah we had fun but i like hearing your stories.”

hyunjin swallows, “ah yeah… me too, um, i could fight something out for us.”

“i’ll give you my personal number,” you offer, “just for you.”

you’re a lot closer now. he looks down at your lips, “okay, i’d like that.”

“awesome, good to know we’re on the same page.” you chuckle. “wanna wish me good luck on the stage?”

hyunjin can’t help but give you a look, “you don’t need luck, y/n.” he leans in and pecks your lips, “a kiss yes, but luck?”

you’re quite taken aback, really. yet, you grin, “yeah, i need you more.”

“ah, my teammate is here,” he ushers, panicked.

“ah,” you laugh. “okay then, one more kiss will do just fine.”

hyunjin’s heart could practically leap out of his chest.

and he kisses you, arms around your neck. he doesn’t want to let go, but with how sweet you’re being, he knows he’ll see you a lot sooner again. the hug you give him feels so good, he wishes you two had more time.

later, when you win an award. the words that come out of your mouth makes him want to die then and there.

“-and i also want to thank that person that gave me a good luck charm before coming here. i was good with just that but now having this award it feels like i have it all, thank you all for supporting me until now! i hope you continue to support me!”

felix’s side eye is something hyunjin might never live down.

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santanasaintmendes · 4 months ago

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singapore lovin’ had me a blast

part2! to the cosmic girl records

¡Cosmic Girl Records!

summary: going to Singapore to support your boyfriend, stealing Alex’s girlfriend and beefing with lando, nothing’s changed really

olliebearman x reader & platonic!grid x reader

fc!: gorgeous girls and couples on pinterest all credits go to rightful owners of the photos used below

a/n: also the timeline and the whole universe in what these smau’s are based in are very different to irl, ollie’s in f1 already and he drives for ferrari, lewis is still in mercedes because it made more sense kind of? I’ll fill in the gaps as we go lol

disclaimer!: there may be some sensitive jokes that may be hurtful to some people, they are all there just for the humour and to make the story more enjoyable, please don’t come after me 😭

also i’m sorry for the english and french slander against lando and pierre it’s purely for humour😔 please don’t take the comments to heart

a/n: the lovely @yawn-zi gave me the courage to post the second part to the cosmic girl records, i hope you didn’t get in trouble for laughing during portuguese class! and a big thank you to @nichmeddarso who rebloged part1 with all those tags it was greatly appreciated!

here you go, enjoy!

liked by landonorris, olliebearman, georgerussell64, lilymhe, alex_albon and 3,849,383 others

unfortunatelyy/n: next stop, Singapore! btw, the sunset was a paid actor ❤️

tagged olliebearman

view 2,473,282 comments

landonorris: for anyone who asks, it was traumatising sitting next to the two of them on the flight

unfortunatelyy/n: so bitter damn

landonorris: BECAUSE WE MISSED OUR PLANE

unfortunatelyy/n: NOT MY FAULT

landonorris: IT WAS MOST DEFINITELY YOUR FAULT

unfortunatelyy/n: OKAY I’M SORRY I LEFT MY PASSPORT IN THE TAXI BUT STILL

landonorris: mhm, sure

unfortunatelyy/n: “mHm sUrE” 🇬🇧🤓☕

landonorris: DIE.

user1: NAH SHE DID HIM SO DIRTY

user7: always count on y/n to keep an aesthetically pleasing instagram page

liked by unfortunatelyy/n

olliebearman: you wouldn’t be able to guess how many times she made me retake that first pic

landonorris: i can 🙄

unfortunatelyy/n: BOTH OF YOU SHUSH

user2: does she actually have a job or does she just follow ollie around 😐

user3: yes she has a job???

user4: it's called taking a vacation, google it?

lilymhe: can’t wait to see you soon bb 🥰

alex_albon: you have a boyfriend???? me??

unfortunatelyy/n: @alex_albon stop being so delusional you sound crazy

alex_albon: @lilymhe are you really going to let her bully me 😰

lilymhe: . . .

alex_albon: 😦

unfortunatelyy/n: the man was too stunned to speak 😱

alex_albon: 🖕

user5: it’s not a y/n insta post without y/n and lily terrorising alex in the comments section

user6: and y/n and lando bickering like the 5 year olds that they are

liked by alexandrasaintmleux, georgerussell64, charles_leclerc, olliebearman and 4,489,383 others

unfortunatelyy/n: some sightseeing and exploring before the weekend with my wifey and . . . boyfriend?

tagged olliebearman and lilymhe

view 3,682,838 comments

user1: Ollie’s officially the third wheel now 😔

user11: a moment of silence for another fallen soldier 🫡

user2: HELP THE FIRST AND SECOND PIC HAVE ME ROLLING ON THE GROUND

liked by unfortunatelyy/n

lilymhe: loved exploring with you. . . and your friend Steve!

user3: HELP

unfortunatelyy/n: it’s okay! he won’t be a problem after this weekend 😃

olliebearman: 😦

user4: homie’s traumatised

alex_albon: . . . it’s okay really. I’m fine. I’m fine.

user5: not alex going through all 5 stages of grief

liked by unfortunatelyy/n

user6: I can’t tell which one he’s up to

user5: . . . neither can i.

user7: she’s STUNNING, Ollie better sleep with one eye open tonight

olliebearman: 😰

user8: ollie on any of y/n’s insta posts after reading the comments: 😮😰😔

user10: literally anyone really 😭

alex_albon: @charles_leclerc @georgerussell64 when does it end 😭 please, i’m a desperate man

georgerussell64: we lied 😔

charles_leclerc: it never does.

user9: where’s lando, it’s not a y/n post without him commenting something absurd

landonorris: i have been summoned.

user9: WHAT DID I DO 😰

landonorris: oh so now you have a boyfriend AND a wife? 🤨

unfortunatelyy/n: i thought i could finally post something without you attacking me in my comments section. I WAS WRONG.

landonorris: 🤷‍♂️

liked by olliebearman, landonorris, lilymhe, georgerussell64, charles_leclerc and 5,728,282 others

unfortunatelyy/n: as long as i'm with you, I've got a smile on my face

tagged olliebearman

view 4,282,992 comments

olliebearman: ❤️

liked by unfortunatelyy/n

user3: couple goals fr

user5: THE FIRST PIC I CAN’T DECIDE WHO DO WE THINK WON GUYS

user6: y/n, duh.

olliebearman: unfortunately, that is correct 😔

unfortunatelyy/n: that’s me flipping off lando in the distance in the second pic by the way

landonorris: i should be getting paid for taking all these yucky photos of you guys and this is how you repay me?

unfortunatelyy/n: guys what do we think? Has being single finally hit him?

landonorris: that’s it, i’ve had enough, i’m releasing THE video

unfortunatelyy/n: OH YOU WOULDN’T DARE

landonorris: oh yes I would, watch me.

user1: HELP WHAT ARE THE CHILDREN TALKING ABOUT

user9: IDK BUT I CAN’T TELL IF THEY’RE JOKING OR NOT

user10: this turned into a war zone so quickly

liked by charles_leclerc, maxverstappen1, carlossainz55, pierregasly, danielricciardo and 11,749,383 others

unfortunatelyy/n: and due to personal reasons, a human by the name of Lando Norris shan't be getting mentioned in any future posts, so enjoy ✨

tagged landonorris

view 12,483,372 comments

user1: SHE DID NOT HOLD BACK

user2: he’s such an icon fr

user3: he’s never beating the babygirl allegations after this i'm afraid 😔

user4: “thank you y/n” they all said in unison

liked by unfortunatelyy/n

landonorris: I SAID I WAS SORRY LIKE 50 TIMES WHAT MORE DO U WANT

unfortunatelyy/n: i only accept apologies in cash

landonorris: well damn no apology for you then

unfortunatelyy/n: YOU’RE LITERALLY A MILLIONAIRE??? |

landonorris: and your point?

unfortunatelyy/n: i hope you accidentally get a fish burger next time you go for takeout

user10: oop she really went there

unfortunatelyy/n: and i hope you realise after it’s too late

landonorris: GASP. HOW DARE YOU

unfortunatelyy/n: 😃

carlossainz55: *saves photos to camera roll

landonorris: wow.

carlossainz55: for memories, you know?

landonorris: “fOr mEmOriEs yOu kNoW?” SHUT UP YOU MUPPET, YOU’RE REALLY NO HELP YOU KNOW

carlossainz55: so aggressive geez

user5: lando’s fighting for his life in the comments section

pierregasly: lando in the third pic: UWU

landonorris: I- SHUT UP YOU FRENCH HO HO HO BAGUETTE BABY MAN

user8: absolutely violated

unfortunatelyy/n: i’ve sworn to secrecy but since SOMEONE CAN’T KEEP A SECRET, i guess I can’t too. The second pic is me when i forced lando to cook fish for me, hence the disgusted face. it’s safe to say he did not talk to me for 6 months straight after

user6: Y/N, professional exposer

landonorris: HOW COULD YOU, YOU PINKY SWEARED I HATE YOU

carlossainz55: @unfortunatelyy/n: teach me your ways 🙏

unfortunatelyy/n: a magician never reveals their secrets, but i’m no magician so sure

user 7: HELP STOP EXPOSING LANDO

unfortunatelyy/n: never 😤

landonorris: 😭

liked by olliebearman, kimi.antonelli, charles_leclerc, arthur_leclerc and 7,483,832 others

unfortunatelyy/n: always and forever proud of you 🐻

tagged olliebearman

view 6,382,392 comments

olliebearman: oh so that’s why you wanted that photo ☹️

unfortunatelyy/n: sorry love! ❤️

user1: as i clicked into the notification, i thought “at last, a normal sensible post from y/n” i have never been more wrong, WHAT IS THAT SECOND PHOTO Y/N

liked by unfortunatelyy/n

user2: a relationship like theirs, it's a need not a want

user3: from spilling pasta on her to becoming her man, talk about upgrades 😌

kimi.antonelli: @unfortunatelyy/n what about the photo I sent for your post

olliebearman: WHAT PHOTO

kimi.antonelli: . . . there’s no photo i have no idea what you’re talking about there’s no photo ahaha

arthur_leclerc: @unfortunatelyy/n what about MY photo of Ollie

dinobeganovic_: @unfortunatelyy/n and mine?

maya_weug: @unfortunatelyy/n mine?

olliebearman: Y/N ANSWER THEM WHAT PHOTOS

unfortunatelyy/n: . . . there’s no photos are you crazy ahahah

user4: the gaslighting goes hard 😭

a/n: thank you everyone for the love that part 1 got! I really appreciated all the likes and reblogs that the post got, i hope you enjoyed part 2 to the cosmic girl records universe. This part was a bit shorter than the first and I have 3 more parts that i’m working on that should be out soon. Thank you and bye for now! 🫶🏻🫶🏻

also should i make a tag list for the series? 🤔

#f1 #f2 #olliebearman x reader #lando norris #george russell #f1 smau #f1 x reader #f1 fanfic #f2 x reader #f2 smau #cosmic girl records series #cosmic girl records part 2 #Spotify

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luvrrgirl444 · 1 year ago

Text

chapter 21: would u rather ft eren

IRL, INSTAGRAM!

“yo, wassup guys!” connie screamed into the camera. he was sitting in the passenger seat of jean’s car, as usual.

“today we’re back in the car-”

“-my car” jean interrupted.

you, connie and sasha all rolled your eyes.

“anyway, we’re back in jean’s car for would you rather part two, and we’ve got a not so special guest”

“you fucking cunt!” eren shouted from the backseat. he was sat behind connie, with his arm around you. you were sat in between him and sasha. connie mocked eren and flipped him off.

you rolled your eyes. “as this dumbass was saying, today we’re here with eren. aka photography guy. aka that one hot drummer. aka-.”

“bro can you thirst for him on twitter and not in the car.” connie said, gagging.

“not even thirsting, just being real.” you shrugged, making eren chuckle.

“someone spay this motherfucker.”

“shut the fuck up, we didn’t even mention what we’re eating today.” jean interrupted, once again. “sash?”

“today, we’re eating chick-fil-a! because eren’s never had it. allegedly.”

“allegedly?” he questioned.

“yes. anyway, we’ll see you when we get the goods.” sasha said, smiling.

🫧

“WE GOT THE FUCKING GOODS” sasha screamed. “now, we’re gonna get the questions and get this shit started.”

jean pulled out his phone and went into instagram to find the questions.

“alright. would you rather be hot and stupid or ugly and intelligent?”

“hot and stupid” connie responded. “i already am.” he smiled.

“delusional ass” jean replied.

“y’all, please stop gassing connie’s ugly ass up.” you said.

“y’all not funny.” he rolled his eyes.

“ugly and intelligent is obviously the right choice.”eren said.

“definitely.”

“DICKRIDER” connie shouted.

“bitch shut up. as i was saying, those scientist paychecks are heavy. if i’m getting paid millions, i wouldn’t give a fuck about how i looked.” you agreed.

“bitch think she mariah the scientist.”

you rolled your eyes and pulled connie’s ear. “you want me to beat your ass so bad.”

“hot and stupid. i could literally get a modeling job and i’d be rich too.” sasha argued, before taking a sip of her milkshake.

“okay, thats valid.” jean said. “nobody wants to be fucking stupid tho.”

“id rather be stupid than ugly.” connie piped in.

“you’re already both tho?” you said, making everyone giggle, except for connie.

“imma need you to choke on that chicken.”

“moving on.”

“would you rather be bald or have no teeth.” jean read out. “bald. no hesitation.”

“definitely bald, i could literally just wear wigs and nobody would know. those human hair wigs go crazy.” you said.

“being bald is crazy. i’m having no teeth and getting dentures.”

“connie, you’re literally one shave away from being bald” sasha told him. “i’m going bald too, i need my teeth.”

“my hair is my best feature. i’m getting dentures with connie.” eren said.

“my motherfucking man!” connie shouted and dapped eren up.

“you two are fucking insane.” jean grimaced.

🫧

you guys did about 5 more would you rathers before ending the video.

“thats all for today guys, hope you enjoyed us screaming like children! see you in the next video!”

the recording ended there. a black screen then followed, with the question “would you rather choke and die or subscribe to bigcheese4000?” on it.

liked by lifearlert, mikasackerman & 456,777 others

👤 jaegerbomb

bigcheese4000 new video ft eren out now run it up 🔥🔥🔥🔥

comments

jaegerbomb CONNIE WTF IS THIS

⤷ user220 the way he instantly knew it was connie ECVEEVHWHW

jaegerbomb ugly picture n i still look better than you @conman69

⤷ conman69 WOAH???????

⤷ planetyn CLOCK HIS TEA BAE

⤷ bigcheeseluvr4 STOP I LOVE THEM

sashluvsfood chick fil a 🤤

⤷ horseface fatass

user111 eren’s arm around y/n??? IM SCREAMING

user2020 i need jean

⤷ jeansbbygirl333 so bad

hotgirlsloveyn WE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ONE

planetyn the tattoos im screaming

⤷ user20 “someone spay this mf”

user500 new bigcheese video with EREN???? ABOUT DAMN TIME

view 43.2k others..

🫧

- the way i’ve been neglecting my og series omg..

taglist <3 : @greeniegreengreen @bakuhoes-bxtch @itzgabz22 @princess-jaeger @marsandsaturn @violenthots @roses-arerosies @conniesbbymama @llovergirlll @iheartamajiki @clipperlighter @liliorsstuff-blog @hoohoohope @akvrae @rinslutz @miniaturelunar @sheluvzeren @shigamiryuk @chamomilespetal @booistoleyou @asp7n @heartz444anna @thatartistshar0n @vintagexparker @tsukkisukkii @venusinx @seeingivy @cyberkitty1 @anitatvd @blamemef0rit @crvzy-fujoshi

#aot smau #eren jaeger #connie springer #aot fanfiction #aot x black reader #attack on titan #fake tweets #shingeki no kyojin #x black reader #eren x black reader #anime smau #luvrrgirl444 #jean kirstein #sasha braus

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jamaiskookie · 4 years ago

Note

i would like more soundcloud rapper yoongi x idol y/n please it’s so cute

v-live alert! -myg

pairing: idol! y/n x soundcloud rapper! yoongi

wc; 2.9k

a/n: lots of you asked, and so you shall receive. ps, i wrote this really rushed but i kinda love it. lmk what you think, love you guys <3

[V LIVE] Surprise LIVE!

the v-live notification. or, more accurately, the sound of war. alternatively, you dance around your studio on a livestream and yoongi has a mental breakdown.

masterlist PREV

“i miss you too!“ you say, replying to one of the first comments that pop up on the live.

you probably should’ve showered before going live... and you probably should’ve changed out of sweats.

whatever.

it’s not like your fans haven’t seen this before.

half of your pre-debut pictures are just downright disgusting.

the number of viewers on the top of your phone begins to climb up to the thousands, increasing every half a second.

it always amazes you how many people show up to your lives. sometimes you wonder if your fans genuinely have nothing better to do. how do they always show up so fast?

the comments begin to flood with greetings and exclamations of ‘oh my god i’m so early!11!1’ and the multicoloured heart pop up on your screen, building up an impressive stream of likes.

“where am i?“ you read through the comments and look around, as if you forgot where you were. “in the studio.“ you grin when the comments flood with questions asking if dreamcloud is getting new music.

you can’t answer, of course, but it’s fun to see. you squint at your phone, which is propped on an elaborate setup that you spent the past twenty minutes preparing.

(three books on one eyeshadow palette and a selfie stick gingerly placed on a small stool)

((you pray to every deity out there that it won’t fall))

“i was just bored,“ you shrug, speaking to the screen. “so i decided to come on here and talk to you guys. how have you been?“ you ask.

hundreds of comments answer.

“i’m alright“

“i’m good!“

most of them contain some form of sappy declaration like ‘my day is much better now that you’re here!’ it makes you smile. how cute.

the v-live notification.

or, more accurately, the sound of war.

that cursed, terrible ding! haunts yoongi’s darkest and most terrifying nightmares. the sheer amount of panic that rushes through his veins when he hears that godforsaken noise, god.

the number of lives he’s missed- yoongi can’t even bear to think about it.

so maybe it was a blessing in disguise that yoongi put his phone on do not disturb so he didn’t have to hear that disgusting sound. instead, he found out the news via a gorilla’s screech.

“Y/N’S LIVE RIGHT NOW STARTED FOURTY SECONDS AGO HURRY UP YOONGI GET YOUR ASS UP AND STOP STUDYI-“ jimin yells from his room down the hall.

yoongi almost falls out of his chair scrambling to get to his phone. it’s not like he was really studying anyways- more like using his pencils to tap out a cool-sounding beat on his desk out of boredom.

watching your live > passing his music theory class.

priorities.

with shaky hands, he grabs at his phone, slumping onto the floor and he sees the familiar blue icon with the notification popped up on the screen.

[V LIVE] Surprise LIVE! Y/N: let’s chat <3

an unnatural squeak that slightly resembles the sound a mouse slips out of yoongi’s mouth.

even when he was a baby starrie and was glued to his phone at all times, he’s never been this early to a live. he unlocks his phone, cursing his momentary clumsiness. he clicks into the live, smiling when your beaming face blasts up on his screen.

you haven’t gone live in so long- it’s nice to see your face again.

“- how have you been?“

“good.“ yoongi types out in the comment box, mumbling the words as he’s typing. “way better now that you’re live.“ sometimes yoongi cringes at himself when he types these things. i mean, who could possibly guess that min yoongi, resident scary-emo-couldslapyouintheface bad boy socially un-responsible simped over a k-pop idol?

he can already see his reputation go down the drain.

he also wonders what it says about himself that he’s a 20-something college student who’s life practically revolves around you, an idol who’s just about a year younger than him.

but dreamcloud is a part of his identity now. he identifies as a starrie no matter what. you know how the old saying goes-

once you stan, you can’t unstan. or something like that, he’s honestly not sure.

you tuck your head onto your hand, diligently trying to keep up with all the comment. with a gasp, you nod at something. “oh, you’re right, user yoonalova98!” - that’s another thing special about you. whenever you read out comments, you also read out the username of whoever wrote it.

you explained in one interview- that it’s cooler to give credit and talk to your fans as if you’re just chatting as friend. saying the username feels like you’re saying their names.

what kind of lucky fan would get their comment read aloud by Y/N?

ugh.

yoongi blinks when he remembers that technically, he’s sort of part of this group of elite, recognised fans.

his twitter stan account got almost five thousand more followers after Y/N replied to his selca. the post itself has tons and tons of likes and retweets.

insane, that Y/N- Y/N herself- knows of his existence. Y/N- the love of his life, has seen his FACE. she commented three HEART emojis below a selfie that he took.

if he thinks about it too much, he’ll start feeling faint again.

“our anniversary is coming up soon! i can’t believe it’s been three years already. time does pass by when you’re having fun.“ you say. yoongi thinks that it’s rather ironic that you would forget your anniversary, when yoongi’s had a calendar countdown to January 14th since the beginning of september.

“ahh,“ you say, leaning in closer to the screen. “from user lialiarach, ‘did you watch jisoo unnie’s acting debut’ - i did! we all watched it and cheered her on during the premiere!“

jisoo’s new drama is good. it’s a fantasy-horror blend, and he, jimin, namjoon and jin finished all 16 episodes in two days when streaming hit Netflix.

your head tilts and you smile. “song recommendations?” you wonder aloud, and yoongi scrambles to get a pen and notepad out. you don’t do ‘y/n’s listening parties’ as much anymore, but your taste in music is impeccable and he collects all the songs in a playlist.

it’s called ‘wedding tunes’ (jimin named it, not him, yoongi swears)

everytime he tries to change it back, it somehow switches back to wedding tunes the next day.

it’s disturbing how good jimin is at this kind of stuff. hopefully yoongi won’t have to bail him out of jail one day.

“okay!“ you say, pulling your laptop open. you hum as you scroll through some page that yoongi can’t see- and he anxiously waits for the first song to be played with twitchy hands and a strong grip on his pen.

the first bar plays out and yoongi’s already in love.

“this is,“ you say over the music, double checking just to make sure. “don’t need your love by NCT...“ you squint. god knows there are too many NCT members. “dream! NCT dream featuring HRVY.“

“NCT dream...“ yoongi mumbles to himself, writing the song down on the notepad.

“you know,“ you say over the music, spinning in your chair and nodding to the beat. “i’ve only met the NCT guys a couple times at music shows and such but they’re all so nice. i can’t remember all their names, but i’m decently familiar with their faces. how do they even have 23 members? how does it all work??“

you dance around the studio, singing along nonsensical lyrics that don’t make sense but sort of fit the rhythm of the song (??)

“don’t need your loo-ooove-!!! dum dum duhhhh duhros noya!!!” yoongi stifles a laugh. there’s a reason why you constantly forget lyrics on stage.

which is quite ironic, actually, because half the time you’re forgetting the lyrics to a song you wrote yourself.

afterwards, you play all the hidden gems- and yoongi’s proud to say he’s familiar with quite a few of them.

airplane by j-hope (a youtube star turned successful rapper-vocalist-dancer)

sweet night by v (the internet’s resident eye-candy)

and then you continue to scroll through your laptop, biting your lip and murmuring quietly to yourself. you glance once back at your phone screen.

okay, listen.

yoongi knows that he’s delusional, okay?

but everytime you look straight in the screen it’s almost like you’re looking directly at the camera it’s almost like you’re staring into his soul. which makes zero sense, but it still makes his heart skip a beat.

let him dream, please

“what am i scrolling through?“ you say, reciting a question from the chat. “soundcloud, user chachachae.“

soundcloud?

oh.

that’s pretty cool.

he didn’t know you had a soundcloud account!

you usually post all your covers and random shorts to instagram or another one of your personal blogs.

for a moment, yoongi indulges himself by wondering if you’d ever listened to his music. his soundcloud account is linked in his twitter bio, after all...

but he shakes those thoughts away as fast as they came. he doesn’t need to entertain himself with such silly thoughts.

“ooh, this one’s good!“ you say, clicking onto something.

still with you by JAYKAY (pffftt haihdkahjd) starts playing and you lean back, humming along. yoongi knows this one too!! now he’s 3 for 3!! he and you do share a similar taste in music, so maybe it does make sense.

even though you’re actually main vocalist and lead dancer, you do listen to a lot of rap music. but the music you make is nothing like the old school hip hop tracks that yoongi is partial to.

the music you make- how can he explain it?

sweet like honey with a little bit of tang.

like barbecue honey!!!!

ok that was a bad analogy.

all of his favourite dreamcloud tracks are written by you- cloud nine, up in the sky, are u still here, quicksand- the list goes on and on and on.

it’s like listening to your voice solves anything he goes against. bad day? dreamcloud. something to celebrate? blast your debut song. in need of a party song? easy fix. he gets aux cord rights? (granted, this doesn’t happen very often, since seokjin insists that his music taste is superior to his friends.) but anyways, y/n can fix it.

listening to your voice feels comforting. it invokes something in him that he honestly cannot explain with words. you’re his inspiration. not just in music- but in life. he admires how you’re able to smile through anything, how you take responsibility for your own actions.

he admires your kind heart, which offers generosity and forgiveness to even the most underserving people.

he admires your passion, for music, for your members, for the smallest things. he admires how you’ll love everyone and anyone.

even though he’s never really met you, he feels like he knows you. he wishes he could, anyways. he wants to thank the person who’s gotten him through such bad days.

yoongi curses himself again for being so delusional.

he keeps telling himself that he can’t get so attached. then he’ll end up like one of those creepy fans who are convinced their idols actually like them.

blech.

“okay, next song!“ you exclaim cheerfully. “i really like this one, guys. he’s this soundcloud star. he makes really cool music.“ yoongi readies his pen. if this person really is a soundcloud star, then there’s a high chance yoongi knows of him. a smaller chance that he actually knows the guy personally; either online or from real life.

you press the space bar almost obnoxiously, like you’re about to reveal something grand. you look into the camera, and you lock eyes with yoongi- through that cursed, horrible screen.

the first note plays and yoongi thinks that it sounds... oddly familiar, actually. for a moment, he sighs in disappointment. this one doesn’t sound as great as the previous few songs. almost like it’s incomplete, imperfect. something about it bugs him at the very bottom of his gut.

jimin figures it out before he does.

“AHHHHHHHHH YOONGI!!! OH MY GOD-!!!! YOONGI ARE YOU SEEING THIS? YOONGI!! HYUNG!“ yoongi grumbles, wondering what the hell jimin is screeching about now.

“oh, for fuck’s sake,“ he mumbles. the difference between him and jimin is the way they express their emotions. while yoongi bottles it all up, choosing to deal with things alone and slump around, jimin has no other choice but to scream things out. it’s a wonder they’re such good friends, really. “what is it now?“ yoongi mutters to himself.

“yeah yeah, a gentle breeze- “ and then it hits him. all at once.

“holy fucking shit.“ he whispers to himself, slumping down on the floor. he can barely hear what you say next.

“this song is called people by agust d. he goes by the name suga on social media-!“ yoongi falls down, gasping for air. “i’m a fan,“ you remark casually. “mr. suga producer-nim!! i’m your fan! please continue to make good music!“ you chuckle. “what am i doing right now? he probably isn’t even watching.“ you stare innocently at the phone camera, as if you don’t even know that you’re changing someone’s life right now.

out of his peripheral vision, he can see jimin rushing into the room, crouching next to him and placing a hand on his back, murmuring something yoongi can’t hear through the sound of his sobs.

huh. when did he even start crying?

“he makes rap and really cool hip hop music. you guys should give him a listen. his lyrics are really meaningful, too.“ you nod along, reciting the lyrics word for word- even though you really can’t rap.

“what kind of person am I? am I a good person? or a bad person? many of ways to judge just a person. everyone will live on, everyone will love, everyone will fade away“ you headbang along to the beat.

yoongi slides down the wall inch by inch. he wonders if he’ll faint or vomit first.

other people seem to make fun of people like him- people who find solace in idols, in music. that’s partially why he doesn’t like disclosing the fact that he’s a diehard fan of an idol girl group.

but in hindsight, that’s so stupid. who gives two fucks about his interests? hell, yoongi’s been depressed half his life. and if a group of girls who sing songs and perform make him feel better, what’s so wrong with that?

jimin’s voice is a little clearer now, and so is yours. you’re singing along to the lyrics- the lyrics that he wrote. the lyrics that he spent hours agonising over, wondering whether his shortcomings and anxiety in his life were worth posting on the internet for his measly following to see.

wondering if the music he made had any impact at all, if one day he might see his dream come true, to see his music being played in public. wondering if anyone might hear his songs and think that it helped them get over a bad day. just like you have for him.

yoongi’s sobs wrack through his body, tears flowing freely on his face. he’s crying hard. ugly crying, like a baby throwing a temper tantrum. his cries echo through the room. if he could see himself right now...

well, he doesn’t want to think about it. he’s sure it’s not a pretty view.

jimin looks over him, smiling proudly. his eyes are glassy, and he tucks yoongi’s head in his chest, putting his arms around him and embracing him.

yoongi’s shoulders shake. if it was any other day, he would usher jimin out the room. he hates it when people see him being vulnerable. even his own family hasn’t seen him cry that much.

but right now, he can’t bring himself to do anything but cry. other people may ask why this is such a big deal, why someone emotionally constipated like min yoongi would cry like this for such a small matter.

this, he doesn’t know how to explain either.

all he can think about is how much it means to him. that someone he admires so much is now, in turn, saying his music- no, his life- is good. nothing much else. but just knowing that you’ve listened to his work, that you know of his alter ego’s name...

his crying sounds grow larger.

jimin pets at his hair. “shh,” he murmurs. “it’s okay.” jimin’s voice also grows a little shaky. he tears up, but continues to comfort the crying boy in his arms. “you did it, hyung. it’s okay. you made it. you did it. why are you crying? this is good news! this is so great! i’m proud of you, we’re all so proud of you.”

yoongi tries to speak; it doesn’t go very well. but when he tries again, he manages to choke something out.

“i did it.“ he says, before burying his face back into jimin’s hug. the two boys sit on the ground, crying together. an hour passes, then two.

slowly, yoongi drifts off to bed on the ground, the melody of his own song blended with sound of your voice echoing in his head.

my ordinary became your special, my special became your ordinary. so what? what if you just brush by? what if you get hurt? sometimes you might get hurt again, sometimes you might shed tears. so what? so what if you live like that?

~ people by agust d

tags; @jksbbyfacebunny @extremeobsessions101 @dwcljh @stonyiscanon @bishuthot @s0seo @cecedrake2217

225 notes · View notes

xofanfics · 4 years ago

Text

String - Part VII

Genre: angst, fluff

Pairing: Baekhyun x Female Reader x Sehun

Word Count: 4.3k

Summary: You find yourself in a friends-with-benefits situation with your best friend. You have no business falling for him, but your heart begs to differ.

You took extra care with your outfit tonight. Not that you wouldn’t take extra care anyway, being that you were going on a date. Conveniently, you’d see Baekhyun too.

You ended up pushing your date with Sehun back to nine instead of seven. He didn’t seem to have an issue with it, thankfully. He said, “Go support your friends. The jazz bar isn’t going anywhere.”

“Thanks for understanding,” you said. “He asked me to come at the last minute.”

“It’ll be fun. Just save a little bit of energy for me,” he said, chuckling.

“What’s that supposed to mean, hm? Why do I need energy?”

“So you don’t fall asleep mid drink, you little perv.”

The two of you burst into laughter. For someone who wasn’t actively trying to have sex with you, he did enjoy making dirty jokes. You didn’t mind. It reminded you of the stupid, slick comments Baekhyun used to make when you’d wear short skirts. He’d whisper, “Are you going to let me eat you out later? I think my head fits perfectly between your legs,” while your friends weren’t paying attention. You smiled at the distant memory but then you shook it off, bringing yourself back to a Baekhyun-less reality.

You felt bad pursuing Sehun when you still sort of had these unresolved feelings for Baekhyun but you needed to move on. It wasn’t that you were using Sehun. You actually liked him a lot and you could see this going somewhere. He was a good guy and, to be honest, it seemed like you had more in common with him than with Baekhyun. But still, for reasons you had yet to discover, it felt like your heart would burst out of your chest and jump on Baekhyun if it could.

You looked in the mirror. You were wearing a long sleeved maroon colored dress, a few inches above your knees. It was long enough to cover your butt and short enough to show off your legs. The dress hung off both of your shoulders, showing off some skin. You wore a pair of stud earrings and a simple necklace that wasn’t too dressy. Your date was at a jazz bar and you figured you’d dress up a bit. You admitted to yourself that you had a double agenda, hoping that Baekhyun noticed you and even more so, delusionally hoping that he’d want you back.

You slid on your black booties and put your bag over your shoulder. You checked for your phone, keys, and wallet before heading out of the door. Excitement ran through you and so did anxiety. Tonight could go very good, very badly, or very neutrally. Could you handle it?

People were piling into the auditorium as you arrived a bit later than expected. Sadie and Evie told you they’d saved you a seat and were waiting for you somewhere on the right side. You’d find them eventually. Since the lights were still on, you found your friends easily. You squeezed past other people, making your way to the middle of the row.

“Hey guys,” you said, plopping down next to Daren.

“Well, well, well,” said Daren. “Look who finally decided to show up.”

You smiled, giving him a quick hug before sitting down. You waved to Sadie and Evie on the other side of him. “I’m sorry I’ve been MIA…”

“Yeah and, uh, I…”

You shook your head. “You don’t have to feel bad for me or anything. I’m fine.”

Relief washed over your friend and the lights dimmed. The host went onto the stage, taking the microphone in his hands. “Hey, hey, hey! I know we’re all super excited to be here this evening. I’m your host Kalled…”

You started tuning him out, thinking again of how the night would go. Would you be able to speak if Baekhyun stood in front of you? What kinds of things would you say? Part of you wanted to be mean, to hurt his feelings like he did to you. But the other part wasn’t sure.

“The first group to compete in the Battle of the Orgs: Dance Edition is…”

To be honest, you weren’t quite paying attention. You knew that KSA was going last and you had no interest in the Bollywood dancing or the Chinese fan dance or the hip-hop or the ballet. You even found yourself dozing off. Daren nudged you as the host announced the group you actually cared about.

You rubbed sleep from your eyes as the first song came on: Under Cover by A.C.E. You watched the group’s sharp movements and, if you didn’t know them, you’d think that they might be professionals. Baekhyun liked to dance but you had no idea that he could pull this off. You watched the way his body moved in his black shirt and joggers. You watched as his body twisted and turned. He looked concentrated and, knowing the person Baekhyun was, you knew that he could be a bit of a perfectionist when it came to things like this.

You sighed to yourself as they started performing Sha La La by Pentagon. You wondered what this girlfriend of his was like and if she was here. Did she get him flowers or something to congratulate him on his performance? Was she here right now, in this crowd? You didn’t know anything about this girl so far and that was part of what killed you. And you supposed it was better off not knowing because then you’d find yourself comparing and contrasting.

Before you knew it, they performed Regular by NCT 127 and their performance was over. As the crowd roared and people put in their votes, you tuned it all out. All you could think about was Baekhyun. Why did this have to be so hard? Why was it so hard to move on when Baekhyun already let you know that you weren’t the person he wanted? Shouldn’t it be easy? Shouldn’t you think, “Fuck him!” Why was it that your heart still clinging onto those feelings?

As predicted, KSA’s dance team won the competition and the crowd roared again. Your friends jumped up and down next to you, yelling and shouting for your friends. You clapped but you didn’t jump. Right about now, you couldn’t bring yourself to feel excited. You didn’t want to feel like this but you couldn’t help yourself. You wanted to leave. You didn’t want to face Baekhyun but you also knew that you couldn’t hide from him forever. Eventually, you’d cross paths again and you’d have to act like a reasonable adult.

The auditorium started to empty out and you led the way out into the hallway. You excused yourself to the bathroom so that you could gain your bearings. You went to the bathroom and washed your hands. You turned the water off and dried your hands. You took a deep breath, looking in the mirror to make sure you didn’t look as distressed as you felt. For now, you could pull it off. Chill out, Y/N, you told yourself as you walked out of the bathroom and back into the hallway where you left your friends.

Before you could even search for them yourself, you found them standing with a man whose face you knew all too well. You knew it wasn’t their fault that Baekhyun was there because it was no one’s job to protect your feelings. After all, they were still friends with Baekhyun even if your relationship with him was up in the air.

You took a deep breath, as you’d been spotted not only by Baekhyun but by Drew. It was too late to run in the opposite direction so you did your best and made your way over to your friends.

“Y/N, hey,” said Evie, attempting to break the ice that had formed between you and Baekhyun. You stood a safe distance away from Baekhyun, choosing to stand next to Sadie instead of next to Daren which would bring you dangerously close to Baekhyun.

“Hey guys,” you said, as a general greeting just so that Baekhyun didn’t assume you were speaking to him directly. You could feel his eyes on you like glue. “The performance was really good. Good job…”

“Thanks,” said Drew and Baekhyun at the same time.

Baekhyun let out a nervous laugh before Evie cleared her throat. “So, is anyone up for a party tonight?”

“I’m down,” said Baekhyun.

Drew looked at Daren. “We’re not doing anything tonight.”

“Whose party?”

“One of the girls was saying that there’s an Airbnb party tonight. Whoever’s throwing the party must be rich. I heard his dad is a diplomat from Ethiopia. It’s some place that’s not too far. A little further uptown. I followed her on Instagram. She posted the address on her story,” Evie explained.

“Y/N, are you coming?”

You shook your head. “I actually have plans tonight.”

Sadie said, “Just bring him with you!”

Before you could say anything else, someone crashed into Baekhyun and wrapped their arms around him. She said, “You did amazing, babe.”

Baekhyun smiled back at her. “Thank you.” He planted a kiss on her forehead, just like he used to do to you.

There she was, in all her fucking glory. Miss Kira had blessed you with her presence after all this time. Not only did you have to have a run-in with Baekhyun but with his new girlfriend, too. This was the cherry on top of all of your problems. Kira looked up and greeted the rest of your friends. She said, “I’m Kira. I don’t think we’ve met.”

Baekhyun said, “Kira, Y/N. Y/N, this is my girlfriend Kira.”

If everyone was being honest, you’d admit that you wanted to punch her in her pretty face. You’d admit that you wanted to pull her stupid long, bone straight hair. You’d admit that you wanted to rip her jacket in two. But you didn’t admit any of those things. And you definitely weren’t being honest.

She smiled at you as she reached out her hand. Mustering the fakest smile you could, you smiled back and shook the bitch’s hand. You felt bad referring to her as a bitch, even in your thoughts. But it’s what your brain did automatically. When you thought of the name Kira, you couldn’t help but think of the word bitch to go along with it.

Kira the bitch.

Bitchy ass Kira.

The bitch-who-stole-Baekhyun Kira.

What sucked for you is that she didn’t seem like the type of girl to be a bitch. Hating her would be a lot easier if she had her nose up in the air as if she was better than you or if she was acting standoffish. But meeting her face to face tonight, she seemed excited to meet you, another one of Baekhyun’s friends.

“Nice to meet you,” you said even though you didn’t mean it.

You cleared your throat and turned to Sadie. “I’ll ask him. He just said he’s outside.”

You weaved in and out of clusters of students, the post-performance buzz had spilled out onto the sidewalks. You heard the chatter of your classmates, with most of them trying to figure out plans for the night. Just like you, you had no idea what the plan was for tonight. You didn’t even know if Sehun would agree. Your mind was pretty much a jumble after dealing with seeing Baekhyun and meeting Kira for the first time ever.

You found Sehun standing across the street, on the corner. You jogged across the street once the road was clear to cross. He smiled upon your arrival and pulled you into a quick hug. “Wow. You look good.”

You smiled as you pulled away from his hug. “Thanks.”

“Are you ready to head out?”

“I was actually wondering if you wanted to go to this party instead,” you said.

“What kind of party?”

“There’s just this rich kid who rented out an airbnb a little further uptown. A lot of people are trying to go.” You cleared your throat. “My friends asked if I wanted to go and said that I should bring you. But don’t feel pressured to go. We already made plans but I just wanted—”

“Let’s go,” he said, much to your surprise.

“Really?”

He shrugged. “Yeah. I haven’t been to a college party in a couple years. I’m down to relive college for a night.”

“Are you sure?”

“As long as I get to hang out with you, I’m happy.”

You smiled. “Thanks. Plus, I think my friends kinda wanna meet you.”

He returned your smile. “I’m great with friends.”

You liked this about Sehun too. Even though he seemed more reserved, he was still very open and friendly. You had no doubts that your friends would like him. Hell, you figured Drew and Daren would probably like him, too. Sehun was the ideal man and you knew that. You just wished that your heart would keep that in mind, too. You were trying to forget about Baekhyun but your heart was holding you back. You had to push him out to make room for Sehun, because you deserved better.

Your friends spotted you before you spotted them. Sehun looked past you and nodded behind you. “Are these your friends?”

You turned around and found Sadie and Evie walking toward you. “Heeeeeeyyy,” sang Evie. “There you are.” Sadie wrapped her arm around your shoulder as your face turned a little red with embarrassment.

With a sigh, you said, “Well looks like they found us. These are my friends Evie and Sadie.”

They shook hands with him and Sehun said, “My name’s Sehun.”

“So you’re the guy that’s been stealing our friend away the past couple weekends,” said Sadie.

“Nice to meet you,” said Evie.

Sehun said, “So I heard there’s a party?”

“Yeah,” Evie answered. “You’re coming right? I figured we should pregame or something.”

“My place isn’t too far. We could go there. I have a couple bottles of something or another,” Sehun said.

And that was that. The four of you headed to Sehun’s house in Chelsea. To be honest, you’d never been there. You had no idea what his house looked like. And to be honest another time, you realized that you assumed that he lived in Brooklyn like you. But tonight was full of surprises, clearly.

The four of you walked into a luxury building that was a thousand times better than the third floor walk up you lived in. As you walked into the lobby, the concierge said, “Good evening.” Sehun nodded and led you and your friends toward the elevators. The gray floors were so shiny that you could almost see yourself in them. You gawked at the grand chandelier hanging above you as you waited for the elevator.

As the elevator arrived, Sehun held his arm out and let you and your friends on first. Evie whispered in your ear, “What a gentleman...”

You smiled to yourself as the four of you got out on the nineteenth floor. Sehun led you down a long hallway, ending up at the end of the hallway. He took out his key and let everyone inside. He flipped the light switch and put his keys down on the kitchen counter.

“Make yourselves at home,” he said. “I’m gonna see what we have. My roommate had some leftover bottles from a get together we had a couple weeks ago.”

You nodded and sat on the couch, sandwiched between your friends. You watched as Sehun rummaged through the mahogany kitchen cabinets. He looked so concentrated and you couldn’t help but notice how he raised his eyebrow at the bottle holding the brown liquid in question. He held up two half full, half empty bottles. One was clear and one was dark.

Sauntering into the living room, Sehun held up the two bottles. “Light or dark?”

“Light,” the three of you said.

“You’re scared of dark liquor huh?”

“It always gives me a hangover,” said Evie.

Sadie nodded in agreement. “Do you have some juice or something to chase it with?”

Sehun started walking back toward the kitchen. He opened the fridge. “Yeah. Looks like there’s some orange juice and if you guys want something different, I have some of that shitty lemonade mix. And there’s Sprite.”

“Vodka lemonade sounds good,” you said. “We can top it with sprite.”

Evie nudged you. “Go help him!”

You laughed and got up, heading into the kitchen to join him. “Need some help?”

He looked up, smiling. “I could always use some help. Apparently I’m a little heavy handed with adding sugar...” You started helping Sehun, grabbing measuring cups and the sugar jar as he washed the pitcher.

He got four glasses and started pouring a little vodka in each. “How about a shot to get started?”

You were tipsy. Not too drunk but not too sober either. The drinks you and Sehun made were pretty good. There wasn’t much sprite left in the bottle so the four of you had to make it stretch a bit. And Sehun was right about being heavy handed because the first batch of lemonade ended up being sugar water rather than lemonade. Luckily, you had salvaged it, dumping some of the water in the sink and adding more water.

Sehun got more and more outgoing as the night went on. He told your friends about the night you met and how you stood out to him and how he felt like he had to talk to you. When you disappeared for a moment into the bathroom, you heard him say that he was starting to like you. This made you smile. It felt good to be wanted. It felt good to not have to question a man’s feelings for you.

To be honest, you liked him too. You enjoyed his company and he made you feel like the only girl in the world. When he spoke to you, he only saw you. You could tell that he’d invested a lot in you so far. You didn’t have to wonder if he was entertaining other women. He told you that he wasn’t like that and you could tell that he was being genuine. Sehun was the most genuine guy that you’d met in a long time. He wasn’t about bullshit and pulling you around on a string for weeks, months, and so on only to drop you at the last minute. For the first time in a long time, you saw a clear path in front of you. There were no bumps or obstacles standing in your way. It was a straight shot.

When you came back in the living room, Sehun had turned some music on and he started singing “Diamonds” by Rihanna. You and your friends joined in on the song and started singing and dancing around the couch and coffee table, clutching your vodka soda lemonade drinks in your hands. It was going to be a good night, you thought.

Before you knew it, it was about to hit ten o’clock. Evie let everyone know that people were starting to head to the party. As you left Sehun’s apartment, Sadie added that Baekhyun was most likely coming too. But, at this moment, you didn’t care. You felt much better going to this party if Sehun was at your side. You felt better, more confident, with Sehun on your arm. This was a great way to show Baekhyun that you’d moved on after all. You didn’t need him anymore and, to be honest, you were through. Why were you even thinking of Baekhyun and all the bullshit you’d been through when you were walking next to a man that made you question nothing? When you were walking next to a man who openly admitted to liking you? He hadn’t told you directly and you knew that he probably had no idea if you heard what he said in the first place. Hell, he might even admit it to you if you just asked. Either way, you were in a much better place now. You were no longer hanging onto some string, with Baekhyun pulling you in all sorts of directions. You were free, free to let go of that fucking string and go after what you wanted.

Baekhyun knew he had no right to feel hurt but he did. For some reason, he felt hurt that you’d possibly moved on. He knew that it was stupid and that none of it really made much sense but it was how he felt. Baekhyun had moved on. Hell, it seemed like you had moved on, too.

Even with this beautiful girl standing in front of him, he felt jealous. Even though you weren’t his and he wasn’t yours, he still felt some type of way. He was so torn and confused by these feelings, so he started toward the kitchen for a drink. He needed something that would push his feelings to the back of his mind. Kira had walked off with a friend to fix her makeup in the bathroom, so he felt less guilty about leaving her on her own.

As he walked into the kitchen, he spotted Drew taking a shot with a bunch of other guys he’d never met before. Drew slammed down his plastic shot glass and looked up at his friend. “Baek, take a shot with us!”

He shrugged and figured why not? He grabbed the shot his friend had poured and downed it quickly. “Can I vent?”

Drew nodded, “Let’s go to the balcony.”

Baekhyun weaved in and out of the clusters of people scattered across the living room, his friend following behind him. He slid open the door, relieved that the balcony wasn’t crowded. There was a couple smoking a cigarette together on the other side. He sat down on one of the patio chairs and Drew sat across from him.

“What’s up?” Drew said.

Baekhyun sighed. “It’s Y/N...”

“What about her?” he asked. “Was it weird seeing her tonight?”

“Well, it was...but did you see the way she purposely didn’t stand near me? It’s like she doesn’t even wanna breathe my air. She barely acknowledged my presence. And that fucking sarcastic smile when Kira said hi to her? I bet she didn’t even listen to my voicemail either. And she’s already seeing someone new?”

Drew was perplexed by this situation between you and Baekhyun. This wasn’t the first time he went on a rant about you and how you weren’t answering any of his messages or when he pressed him for updates about you. He was always wondering what you were doing and why you weren’t answering and why things couldn’t be the way they used to be.

Drew said, “I mean, you fucked her over. Did you expect her to just...forgive you?”

Baekhyun pouted. “Well, no but—”

“Think about it: She liked you a lot. And, I mean, I thought you did too…”

“I did, but—”

“Did or do? I know we’ve both been drinking and you’re probably in your feelings but you have to admit, you’re acting kinda crazy right now.”

“How am I acting crazy?”

“You started dating Kira! Can you blame Y/N for moving on? You’re saying you liked her, in past tense, but it sounds like maybe you still do.” Drew cleared his throat. “Look, what’s your problem exactly? Are you upset because she won’t forgive you or are you upset because you’re jealous that she’s moving on?”

Baekhyun was annoyed. He had come to Drew to vent and here he was psychoanalyzing him. Was Drew his friend or his goddamn therapist?

Baekhyun let out a sigh, pushing those negative thoughts about his friend away. He knew Drew was right and that he was just trying to help him out. In a way, it was as if his friend knew him better that he knew himself. Drew was only giving him some things to think about.

What was he even doing? Why was he obsessing over what you were doing when you’d clearly made up your mind that the two of you were no longer even friends? He, apparently, needed to move on, too. If he wanted a relationship with Kira, he needed to think less about you and more about her. Otherwise, it might go up in flames and blow up in Baekhyun’s face.

“You’re right,” Baekhyun said, rolling his eyes. “I know you’re right.”

Drew said, “I’m not saying to break up with Kira and go to Y/N or the other way around but I think you need to take a step back to figure out what it is you want.” He threw his arm around Baekhyun. “Look, let’s just enjoy the party tonight and think about this complicated stuff later, okay?”

Baekhyun nodded. “Yeah. Deal.”

As soon Baekhyun closed the balcony door behind him and turned back toward the party, he saw you walk in, in all your glory. The worst part of it all was that you had your arms wrapped around some douchebag in a bomber jacket. Actually, he lied. The worst part of it all was the fact that not only did you have your arms wrapped around that douchebag’s arm, but that you were smiling harder than he’d seen you smile, like you were having the time of your life.

The way his heart dropped and the way his blood began to simmer in his veins, he knew what Drew said was right.

This was going to be a rough night.

***

Thank you for reading, as always and please let me know if you’d like to be added to the tag list for STRING!

Tag List: @shesdreaminginoverdose @multistania @jeonchan26 @myonlyaurora @keloiu @xxluckydreamsxx @multifandomeras @blanknearvana @jddcfc-blog @jummyjammy @mintaemark @kokobyunee @fortheloveofinfinite @littleflowercrown13 @wayvexo @to-all-the-stories-i-love @ggaayyyong @hyuniebaby @giriboyshogu @xyukheix @jekylluv @forbyun @endzii23 @puppyeoliepop @aa-ronpa @jessverdin @princemicorazon @sjkings @marimsun @baekhypnotized @cynthbee @xuyiyangstan @justmitchie @minseoksnz

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badfauxmance · 4 years ago

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This Instagram Mess Right Now... (Part 4)

Yeah seriously guys we need to move on from this...

Anon 1: These comments have me DYING! My lord, she had to know this was coming right? I really hope she isn’t that stupid! I’m so bummed this happened today, I was honestly hoping for another part of your series but I bet you guys are absolutely flooded with asks! BTW thank you guys for everything! You guys are always on top of everything; answering questions, calming people down, easing everyone’s nerves. YALL ARE AMAZING and I love you!

Yeah as you can clearly see from the COMPILED Asks I’m doing, we did get a lot. Gemini has been a sport doing most the answers this month. I’m just helping out for a couple hours. Anyways yeah to be honest I was also just mentally not quite in the game as it were to write more of “The Saga.” I’m sort of mentally getting tired of this nonsense so I just felt uninspired personally though I know tons of you guys want to read more. Also this is an on-going situation so just when you think you have all the material you need to write the next part... MORE shit comes up like this. Anyways thanks for the support!

Anon 2: My theory: we are coming to a close, this is one last hurrah so that when they “break up” she can play victim and say that it was his fandom and the hate she received that caused the breakup. Meanwhile in actuality it was just the end of the contract. They needed a “cause” and they just found one. What’s absolutely abysmal are the amount of fans claiming how happy Seb is and that others calling her out need to let him be happy...but I’m trying to figure out is where have y’all seen his happiness with this woman? They truly are just as delusional as they think PR believers are.

Preaching to choir, dear reader. Preaching to the choir. I think I speak for us all when I say we just want this woman to go away already.

Anon 3: They are deleting peoples comments now. They should honestly start with hers.

It’s possible that the teams are deleting comments that are implying this is fake, contract orchestrated bullshit. Or possibly comments that are TOO harassing. Who knows. But they can’t delete hers because that would admit this is fake bullshit while also pissing her off as she’s trying to get her extra 15 minutes of fame she rightfully paid from her parents’ money!

Anon 4: He’s so neurotic and anxious that I bet he’s freaking out about all this. He seems like a person to “sweat the little things”

He’s probably ignoring her like usual and maybe snickering at the hate she’s getting. As long as he’s not being dragged he doesn’t have to care if people shits on her online. SUCH a loving boyfriend, AM I RIGHT YOU GUYS?

Anon 5: Dude just when I thought she is actually intelligent and then she go and pulls dumb shit like this.

She’s probably gambling on her getting more attention from this even if it’s hate. She’s allowed hate on her posts before until she limited comments to show off the random orchestrated comments he leaves her.

Anon 6: A bit shitty of her to go over to his social media and start shit and the retreat to heavily limited social media and hide.

Nothing this girl does is accident. It’s orchestrated to get her attention. However she gets to be publicly slammed on his account where everyone can see it, so you know online humiliation of a sort. Some people will ignore her racism as “jealous fangirls” because those people don’t honestly give a shit about racism.

Anon 7: Ngl her being dragged in the replies to that comment are giving me life. Also the fact that it’s hours later and still unliked by “her rockstar”…🤣🤣🤣🤣

It’s all ridiculous no matter what way you turn this proverbial picture.

Anon 8: I feel like people are still confused how PR relationships work. It seems people think the two parties are robotic and they are not in contact with eachother unless they have to which is not true. I always read “well If they’re fake then why are they having dinner together” like wtf do you mean???? Isn’t that what couples do “fake” or not 😂😂😂

Fake relationships have to look like they’re real. Hence the “relationship” in the term fake relationship. I’m not sure what the confusion is either.

Anon 9: This is like watching a dumpster on fire rolling down a hill. You want to stop it but you can't you are just watching it just roll and waiting for it to crash into something.

This... this is us for the last 9 months actually. We were already thinking this BEFORE we started this blog, so it’s not 7 months, but 9 months. I suspected fakery by the time we got to the NYC pap walk.

Anon 10: something tells me that if seb and mackie win best duo we will have to see a shitty celebration post from her this makes me think the comment was in prep for that

I wouldn’t put it past her really.

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artificialqueens · 4 years ago

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Baby Let's Keep It Secret (Jan x Jackie) - Ortega

a/n: i speed-wrote this after being struck with inspiration and a new-found obsession with jankie, so enjoy!! i legit hate it more with every re-read though so i’m submitting before i honestly del-yeet it off the face of the internet. it’s a little piece within the strictly au-verse from one of the background couples’ points of view, and i’m planning to do more of these so keep a lil eye out! i hope u all enjoy anyway, and that u for all the love on chapter 4! it makes me dead happy xxxxxxxx

plot summary: “But now she’s here, on a wet, cold Monday morning, with no texts and no sign of Jackie and a heartbeat that belongs to a hummingbird. Jackie probably regrets everything and Jan has to spend the rest of the competition with her and it’s going to be unbearably awkward.”

***

Jan is the first to arrive at the church hall on Monday morning. It’s freezing, and she pulls her off-shoulder gym sweater over her wrists and fidgets with the sleeves. She both feels the cold and doesn’t. The racing that her pulse is currently doing serves as a heater, and she can’t stop pacing either. She thanks God that the film crew aren’t there this morning, because she doesn’t have very many coherent thoughts, never mind words.

They had won the first episode. Well. “Won” isn’t the right word, but they came top of the leaderboard, and the praise from the judges still rings in Jan’s ears if she thinks about it hard enough:

“The technical elements were all there, and Jan, that choreography was to die for, well done.”

“This partnership is gonna be one to watch, for sure, the chemistry between you two is just incredible!”

“This was a strong first week, keep this up, I can’t wait to see what comes next from you.”

“It was so full of fun and joy, such a cheeky routine and you both created so much tension, good job!”

Although instead of the joy they’d all sparked on Saturday night, instead they now all serve as a reminder as to what happened after that, and Jan feels her face flush hot as the embarrassment hits her all over again, fuck. Why does she have to be such an eager lovesick puppy all the goddamn time? It never ends well. Jan knows that, but she keeps repeating the same behaviour every time she gets a new crush and expects different results.

But Jackie is different. She’s a woman, at least, and that’s new for Jan. Jan’s used to either men- rough, heavy hands, too fast and too slow all at once- or girls- all her high-school experiences that she’s repressed and shoved in the back of a filing cabinet in her mind for future Jan to deal with.

Except they’ve all come bursting out at once like that scene in Bruce Almighty that used to make her laugh so much as a teenager. It was induction day, really, that had caused it all. Jan remembers standing on the opposite side of the room to Jackie Cox and trying not to make it obvious that her gaze was getting drawn to her every five seconds like she was a magnet, the black running leggings and cutout strappy sports bra she had been wearing still sending shivers up Jan’s spine if she thinks about them again. The way her heart had risen to the sky with anticipation and excitement was almost cringeworthy; she had truly felt like a schoolgirl with a crush on a teacher. Okay, Jackie isn’t that much older than her, but Jan knew her, of course she knew her. She is Jackie Cox. You can’t switch on the news without seeing her face, you can’t go on Twitter without seeing people retweet her latest biting bit of government-critical commentary that’s likely going to get her fired one day. Watching her chat with the other girls on that induction day was mesmerising- she was fun and goofy and had a big smile on her face the whole time but she simultaneously exuded a calm and self-assured sense of power that Jan had felt inexplicably intoxicated by.

They’d been paired together and Jan had been so nervous and anxious to impress her and get on well with her but Jackie had just been so relaxed and easy-going and had taken to everything Jan had taught her like a duck to water. When they’d been officially paired on launch night Jan had been so overjoyed that she’d screamed the place down.

And now they’re partners. For the past fortnight they’ve spent every waking moment together, and it’s been both a blessing and a curse. In rehearsals, Jackie is no-nonsense- she wants to learn the dance, and she wants to be taught- but every time they stop for a break Jackie’s goofing around and winding Jan up and pestering her to post this, that and the next thing to Instagram. The woman is limpet-levels of touchy, not that Jan’s complaining. She’s always resting a hand on Jan’s knee when they stop for a break, grabbing her arm as she laughs at something Jan’s said, gently butting her head against Jan’s shoulder when it’s late and they’re both tired but they just have to finish up this last little bit of the routine.

Of course, if Jan notices it with every hour they spend together, then it’s not long until it gets picked up on by others. They’ve gone live on Instagram one day and Jackie’s got her arm around Jan’s shoulders and Jan’s leaning into her. Jan can feel Jackie’s heartbeat and it’s going like a bullet train and Jan wonders if it’s her that’s making Jackie’s heart race as much as it is before dismissing that thought as the delusional ramblings of someone with a too-big crush. They’re answering questions that their fans have sent in and Jan taps on one a little deliberately.

“Jackie, what’s your favourite thing about rehearsing with Jan?” Jan reads, smiling with her tongue trapped between her teeth. She doesn’t dare turn to face Jackie because she can see on screen how close her face is to hers and she doesn’t need that proximity adding to the list of reasons Jackie’s able to mess with her head. Jackie’s looking at her though, and her smirk is so cheeky that it turns Jan’s insides to jelly.

“Uh, nothing, she’s dreadful,” Jackie says, causing Jan to yelp an affronted cry and Jackie to stick her tongue out at her. It’s near the end of their first week of rehearsals and it’s nice that they’re already at the stage that they can joke about in the way that they’re doing.

(Some might call it flirting, but Jan’s loath to get her hopes up so high.)

“No, I think in all seriousness it’s…her smile,” Jackie concludes, and the answer feels like the best kind of gut punch. Jan has to actively control her facial expressions and mold them into something that isn’t just two ginormous heart eyes and a dopey lovesick smile. The smile that Jackie likes the best. Jackie continues, her eyes now cast into her lap as she picks at a bit of fluff on her leggings. “She’s always smiling, she’s always positive. Even if I mess up the routine, she’s still smiling at me and patient with me. And it’s just nice. So…yeah.”

Jan can’t help herself. She turns to face Jackie, deliberately shoots her a dazzling smile. “That’s sweet. Thank you.”

Jackie gives her a little wink that translates to you’re welcome. Jan wants to interpret it as something more, but she can’t hope that much.

That’s when it starts. The first comment scrolls across the screen, then another, then another.

janetmanitoneeeee: omg u guys are too much

strictlyjan2003: something’s going onnnnnnnnn

janstan04: WE ALL SHIP IT

janstan04: JANKIE

Jan tries to ignore them all but they’re relentless and swarming across her screen like locusts, and Jackie points them out before she can do a thing about them.

“What the hell is Jankie? What ship?” she laughs, confused. Jan waves her hand dismissively, gives a snort.

“Oh, God, it’s like…they think we would be good together. Like. As a couple.”

“Oh,” Jackie raises her eyebrows. Jan is blushing slightly as she keeps her eyes trained on the screen. Jackie’s face is surprised, but not unpleasantly so. “So they want to see us bon-”

“Family show, Jaqueline!” Jan laughs, cutting her off before she can reach the end of her sentence. Jackie snorts and the conversation is dropped as they move on to something else.

But Jan wonders how the sentence would’ve ended. Scratch that, she knows how the sentence would’ve ended, and from that day on there’s a change in the atmosphere. Jackie doesn’t look at her the same but that’s not necessarily for the worse. Their routine ramps up a gear- it’s somehow just better. Well, not somehow, there’s a reason. It’s the same reason Jan can feel Jackie’s eyes on her whenever she stretches in rehearsal, whenever she peels a layer of clothing off in a break. It’s the same reason they’ve started openly flirting with each other, and Jackie’s little suppressed smile and raised eyebrows is what Jan imagines cocaine might feel like- she’s not done it, she wouldn’t know. Making Jackie laugh becomes an addiction, spending time with Jackie is an addiction. When Jan gets the tube back from Hounslow and arrives back at her flat all shrouded in darkness she feels as if there’s part of her missing. Which is ridiculous. They’ve only been paired together for a week. Admittedly in that short time there’s been a few tabloid articles about them, the speculation already beginning. Jan would be lying if she said she didn’t like it.

Through it all, they rehearse. They practise and practise until Jan’s muscles ache, because more time rehearsing means more time with Jackie and the more they rehearse means the better they get. It’s a win-win situation. So when they smash their routine on Saturday, really knock it out the park, and get (“Eight!” “Eight!” “Eight!” “Eight!”) 32/40, Jan’s head is spinning. On the floor they were electric and sexy and the sparks were practically flying off them, Jan didn’t imagine it. Jackie doesn’t take her hands off her once it’s done- a protective arm around her waist as they receive their critiques, her hand in Jan’s as they tear up the stairs and give their post-routine interview, both arms around her in a crushing hug after their scores are revealed. An arm around Jan’s shoulders as they weave their way backstage to yet another interview, a hand lazily pressed against her hip. The constant close proximity is making Jan almost lightheaded, and so when they’re finally alone Jan isn’t really thinking straight. That’s why she takes Jackie’s hand and tugs her towards her dressing room, laughing gently at the confusion painting her face.

“Jan, we’ve got to go back to makeup!”

“Just…c’mere!” she giggles, tugging on Jackie’s hand again. Jackie gives her a roll of her eyes and a long-suffering smile, and takes two steps forward to follow Jan into her dressing room. As soon as the door swings shut, Jan can’t control herself any longer and she immediately pulls Jackie in, one hand still tangled in Jackie’s and the other curled around her waist, and Jan is so close she swears she can pinpoint the moment Jackie’s pupils dilate.

“Oh,” Jackie murmurs. It’s nothing, a literal letter of the alphabet, but Jan swears it’s the hottest thing she’s ever heard. Jackie wets her bottom lip with her tongue. “So this is why we’re in your dressing room.”

“Uh-huh,” Jan nods quickly. Her heart gives a concerningly heavy thud as Jackie brings her free hand up to ghost over her neck and tangle in her hair, tousled and wavy for the routine, and Jan thanks Mary, Joseph and baby Jesus that it’s not in some intricate bun. There’s a pause where nothing seems to be happening except the two of them smiling at each other and waiting to kiss. Jan loves it, though, this kind of purgatory they’ve created, so she presses her body against Jackie’s as she drops her voice lower. “You were so good out there, fuck, you were amazing.”

Jackie tries and fails to conceal a smile. She drops her hand out of Jan’s grip and brings it up to rest at her waist. “Did you just bring me in here to compliment me, or are we going to kiss?”

“Fuck, please,” Jan breathes. It only takes that much for Jackie to instantly lean down and close the gap between them. It’s not enough and too much all at once, the tension that’s been building between them finally coming to a head and Jan feels like she’s melting, ice to Jackie’s fire. Her lips are soft and slick with the gloss that makeup applied before they went on stage and Jan is gripped with a sense of longing and wanting that’s so visceral it almost scares her. She pulls her body flush against Jackie’s own and she feels Jackie gasp against her lips. The noise only adds to how embarrassingly needy Jan’s becoming- she’s way too turned on already, shockwaves pulsing through her whole body. It’s a kiss, it’s nothing more than that, and yet it’s better than any sex Jan’s had with a man in her life.

Jackie pulls away. Jan whines, and it elicits a smug smile from the other woman. Jan doesn’t want to know how much of a mess she looks. If it’s half as much as how she feels, it’s going to be too telling. She takes Jackie by the wrist again, pouts as she tries to pull her in. Jackie doesn’t budge.

“Makeup,” she teases. Jan lets out a groan. She cannot go back and interact with other people right now. Her whole world is Jackie.

“Please, just two more minutes,” she begs. For a moment Jan thinks she sees a flash of lust in Jackie’s eyes. She takes the sign of weakness and runs with it, pushing her bottom lip out. “Please?”

“Fuck, Jan,” Jackie laughs, rubs the back of her neck and rolls her head to the ceiling. “You’re so gorgeous and it physically pains me to have to say it but someone’s gonna come bang on this door if we don’t get back soon.”

Jan sighs, doesn’t wipe the pout off her face. Jackie quirks a warning eyebrow at her in return.

“Stop being a brat, c’mon,” she warns her, and Jan would be lying if she said Jackie didn’t just make the whole situation worse.

Or better. Probably better.

They go to makeup and they get their smudges cleaned up and the foundation they’ve sweated off re-applied, and they head back to the studio to watch the final dance of the night, Crystal and Gigi’s. Jan cheers for her friend despite the fact the pair of them are so good at their frighteningly fast Samba that they threaten to topple her and Jackie off the top of the leaderboard. They don’t, but they come close (thirty-one), and as Jan claps she makes a mental note to step up her and Jackie’s choreography tomorrow. The pair of them don’t get another moment alone until they’ve cleaned all their makeup off and got changed back into their comfies ready to head home. Jackie swings by Jan’s dressing room as she’s packing up and Jan involuntarily blushes, remembering the last time they’d both been in this room a mere thirty minutes ago.

“Hey. Crushed it tonight,” Jackie smiles proudly, the praise lighting up both Jan’s face and heart.

“Yeah, we really did that, huh?” she returns her grin, looks to the floor with slight embarrassment. Jackie pauses before she speaks next.

“Well, guess I’ll see you Monday?”

Jan tries not to look disappointed, but really, the single logical brain cell she possesses scolds her, what the hell did she think was going to happen? Her smile becomes fake despite it not physically changing. “Yeah, sure!”

Jackie gives a small laugh. “Sure, Jan!”

Jan has to let out a small snort at that, and she risks meeting her partner’s eyes again. Jackie is hovering at the door.

“I’ll text you,” she smiles decisively, Jan’s hopes instantly being raised as she nods enthusiastically and waves goodnight.

But now she’s here, on a wet, cold Monday morning, with no texts and no sign of Jackie and a heartbeat that belongs to a hummingbird. Jackie probably regrets everything and Jan has to spend the rest of the competition with her and it’s going to be unbearably awkward. All Jan did on Sunday was choreograph their dance, the sexiest tango she could possibly manage, while replaying their kiss in her head and checking her phone obsessively. She feels like an idiot, even more so when Jackie bounces through the door and waves at her with a big grin on her face as if nothing has happened.

“Morning!” she sing-songs as she shrugs her jacket off and chucks her bag down underneath a pile of stacked chairs. Jan blinks at her, taken-aback. “How are you? Good day off?”

“Well, I mean. I was doing choreo, wasn’t exactly a day off,” Jan shrugs. She can’t help but be cold- Jackie is acting as if she’s got short-term memory loss, and it’s killing Jan along with the sweatpants that are slung low on Jackie’s hips and the baggy sweater that’s hiding her thin frame. The shift in tone seems to work and Jackie is looking at her through narrowed eyes, then laughing slightly.

“Shit, yeah, sorry I didn’t text. I honestly was wiped out yesterday, I did a stint on News 24 and then I had like an eight-hour nap in the middle of the day.”

Jan can’t help but quirk a smile at her. “Eight hours? That’s not a nap, that’s a full sleep.”

Jackie shrugs, and her dark eyes soften. Jan is reminded of looking into them on Saturday, her pupils wide and blown, and the memory almost gives her whiplash. “I am sorry, Jan, I can tell you’re mad at me.”

Jan gives a scoff of a laugh, tries to pretend she’s offended. “Mad? I’m not mad at you, God, I’m not…no, I’m chill. It’s fine.”

Jackie raises her eyebrows at her disapprovingly and it makes Jan’s stomach flip over and heat pool low in her stomach. “Yeah, you sound it. Okay, what’re we doing this week?”

Jan swallows before she speaks. “Uh, tango! I thought, y’know, the judges loved our chemistry so much last week so if we play on that it might get us good scores again.”

Jackie’s smile grows on her face and it makes Jan’s heart flutter in anticipation as she takes two steps closer to her. “Mm, good plan. Definitely not seeing an ulterior motive behind that at all.”

Jan is warming up to her but she wants to make Jackie suffer just a little so she flips her golden ponytail over her shoulder and turns away from her, fiddling with her phone and scrolling to the song she’s chosen. To her satisfaction, Jackie follows her over to the speaker near the raised little stage at the other end of the hall, jumps up so that she’s sitting on it and swings her legs. “What’s it to?”

Jan bites back a smile. “React.”

“As in Pussycat Dolls, React?” Jackie grins at her. Jan is fighting to hold back her smirk as Jackie inspects her nails. “That’s kind of ironic.”

“I don’t know what you mean,” Jan shrugs lightly, making to walk into the centre of the room when Jackie shoots a hand out and takes her by the wrist.

“Hey,” Jackie murmurs, pulling her close. Jan is standing right in front of her and Jackie’s knees are digging into her stomach a little, but she doesn’t mind. “I was thinking about you yesterday. I promise I didn’t forget about Saturday night.”

Jan raises her eyebrows in slight disbelief. She’s about to make some comment about not missing her enough to text her, but Jackie spreads her legs and guides her in between them so that they’re close. The action makes Jan’s eyes flutter shut in a heavy blink as she attempts to gather her thoughts. Jackie squeezes the hand she’s taken.

“You’re really cute,” Jackie says bluntly, and Jan feels the blush hit her face like she’s been slapped.

“You’re really cute,” Jan parrots back at her, her knees almost turning to jelly when Jackie reaches out and tucks a small strand of loose hair behind her ear. There’s a moment where they’re both just gazing into each others’ eyes, and Jan feels as if it’s straight out of a movie scene. Her heart almost hurts with how much she likes Jackie.

Jackie drops her voice low to a whisper, pulls Jan closer. “Can we kiss in a church?”

Jan feels like she’s just been shocked by a defibrillator. “Well. Jesus might be watching.”

“I’m sure he’ll allow it,” Jackie shrugs before tilting her head, sliding her hands onto Jan’s waist, and meeting her lips with her own. Jan melts into her slowly, refrigerated chocolate on a hot day. This kiss is different to the one they shared on Saturday night- they know it’s just them, and they know they have all the time in the world so they kiss as if time doesn’t exist. It’s so early that Jan can taste Jackie’s mint toothpaste, and the realisation makes her heart give a twinge of affection. Jackie does like her, and Saturday wasn’t a mistake, and the blood in her veins races in anticipation because something is happening between them and it’s more exciting than any glitterball trophy.

Jan breaks the kiss this time, the petty side of her still wanting the upper hand, but she doesn’t move her arms from their position looped around Jackie’s neck and resting on her shoulders. She doesn’t even try to conceal the smile that appears on her face as she watches Jackie’s eyes flutter open lazily, the moment so unexpectedly tender that it knocks her for six.

“Is this a thing now?” she finds herself saying before she can stop the words rushing out of her mouth, and she instantly wants to cringe. Too keen, too eager, too enthusiastic. Although the panic rising in her throat dissipates when Jackie tries to stifle a grin and fails.

“Fuck, we’re the worst kind of cliché. Strictly curse got us by week three,” she groans, tilting her head to the cracks in the ceiling. She brings her gaze back to look Jan in the eye, suddenly turning serious. “We’re going to have to keep this quiet, though. Not that I’m ashamed or anything, sorry, that came out wrong. I just don’t want anyone thinking this is some cheap stunt we’re using to get votes because it’s…more than that. To me, anyway.”

The affirmation Jackie’s just given her sends Jan’s hopes rocketing skywards and this time she doesn’t even try to lower them. The smile on her face turns scheming. “I can sneak around if you want, although I don’t know how easy it’s going to be for you to keep your hands off me, Miss Cox…”

Jan laughs as Jackie groans and shoves her away playfully. As much as Jan wants to pin her to the stage and smother her with kisses and maybe a little more (the thought of fucking in a church is too much to entertain at this particular moment), she straightens her posture decisively and grabs her phone.

“Right, we need to rehearse. Because the better we do in this competition, the longer you get to spend every single day with your hands all over me. And that’s just during rehearsals.”

Jan shoots Jackie a wink and Jackie laughs as she saunters across to the middle of the room to warm up.

If Jan’s got anything to do with it, they’re not going to be leaving the competition any time soon.

#rpdr fanfiction #jankie #jan sport #jackie cox #strictly au #lesbian au #baby let's keep it secret #ortega #s12

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motherlifesucher-archives · 5 years ago

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call her señorita l Shawn Mendes imagine.

summary: she feels like her worst fears are becoming a reality after watching Shawn’s video with Camila Cabello.

She remembers perfectly the day Shawn told her he was making a new song with Camila.

She couldn’t really help the weird feeling that made it through her body, something like electricity as she could barely stop her eyes from closing.

“That’s great, baby. I’m sure it’s going to be a hit.” (Y/N) gave Shawn a tight smile.

Shawn grabbed her hand. “I know what you’re thinking, but it’s nothing. I’m happy with you and she’s happy with her boyfriend, we just had this idea...” Shawn started rambling, but she interrupted him.

“Shawn, you don’t have to give me an explanation. I know she’s your friend and I trust our relationship, you don’t have to feel like you’re doing something wrong.” She caressed his cheek.

That conversation had taken place almost nine months ago. Now, she was silently staring at the wall as she watched the music video. Well, at least she tried to after closing her laptop several times when the scenes got too much for her to watch.

She knew she was overreacting, there was nothing to be done and it probably was her mind playing games on her.

but maybe, just maybe... it wasn't that she was delusional, maybe it was the reality hitting her on the face as she watched her boyfriend with the woman he used to have a crush on and much of the show business world wanted them together.

As if a weird coincidence or conspiracy was playing against her, Alexa started playing the song Why by Shawn, and she truly felt like she could punch a hole through her apartment wall.

She ignored Shawn’s call, knowing it wasn’t going do to any good to have a conversation right now. she simply activated the do not disturb and stared at the ceiling.

She hoped her luck would change by the morning, but she opened the BuzzFeed app to catch up and noticed a headline that caught her attention.

Camila Cabello and her boyfriend have broken up.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

A perfect storm, because she didn’t need to open her Instagram to know that her posts were filled with comments of people telling her to leave Shawn so that he and Camila could finally be together.

She knew she couldn’t keep avoiding Shawn. Warily answering his texts, saying she had fallen asleep last night and wasn’t able to respond. It didn’t take long for Shawn to call her, she sighed before picking up.

“Hey you, you had me worried.” Shawn said and she knew he was sipping on his coffee.

“Hey... I’m sorry, I was just so tired and went to be early.”

“’s okay,” Silence filled the line. “Did you watch the video?” Shawn asked, knowing deep inside of him that she hadn’t been tired last night, she was just ignoring him.

“I did.” She answered too quickly.

Shawn breathed in deeply, “Did you like it?”

“Of course, it was great.”

“(Y/N)...” Shawn closed his eyes and ran a hand through his curls.

“Look, I have a busy day and have to go, sorry.” She could feel her eyes filling with tears as she spoke.

“I know you are not okay.” Shawn insisted.

“Why wouldn’t I?” Her voice raised. “Call me when you know which day you’ll be back, okay?”

Shawn sighed, “okay,” He didn’t know what else to say, “Hey, I love you.”

A smile creeped on her lips, “I love you, Shawn.”

An entire day went by and Shawn told her they could spend the weekend together. She knew these days were rare and had to be appreciated deeply, but she couldn’t help the jealousy that cursed her blood as she kept replaying the images of her boyfriend and his friend sharing a couple of tender touches, even if it was a music video.

But she opened Instagram and saw Shawn, Camila and his team posting photos of them when they weren’t rolling. And the one were the entire team that worked on the video and they had their hands linked as Shawn hugged her from behind.

This was more than just jealousy, she felt humiliated in front of the world as now even her friends were calling her and asking if everything was alright, not because of the video, but because of the photo of them after the video.

Maybe now she wasn’t overreacting as tabloids were reaching her to ask her opinion and a confirmation of the end of hers and Shawn’s relationship.

All go these factors combined had as a result that she flinched when Shawn knocked on the door, still carrying his suitcase and wearing a youth hoodie and sweatpants.

He tried to hug her, but her body went rigid the moment his warm body touched hers.

Shawn closed his eyes and sighed, clearly annoyed by the situation.

“You have got to be shitting me, (Y/N).” Shawn told her, harshly letting go of his carry-on suitcase.

“Do not treat me like that.” She closed her eyes and tried to control her breathing.

“Like what? Like a crazy person? Because you are being crazy and paranoid right now!” Shawn paced around the living room. “Jesus, I can’t believe this is the one weekend off I get and you decide to play the psycho girlfriend.”

Tears built in her eyes. “Oh my God, Shawn. I haven’t said anything, stop treating me like garbage.”

His eyes softened and shook his head. “Hon, I’m sorry, I'm just stressed.”

“Stressed? Have been people calling you in the middle of the night because they want you to confirm you left me for Camila? About what were my thoughts on meeting with Matthew and talk about how you and Camila left us to be together?”

“You should be used to this by now, (Y/N)!” He rubbed his eyes, obvious tiredness hiding behind them.

“Well, I am not! Because you never really gave me a reason to not trust you around other people, but the only thing I've felt lately is like a third choice and like trash, because everyone is making me feel like I don’t matter and like I am an obstacle for you and her being together, and you haven’t made it any easier, Shawn!”

“What the fuck do you want me to do?” He laughed humorlessly. “It’s my job, and now I am fucking leaving because clearly you do not want to understand.”

She started crying. “I understand that, I know that it is your job. what I do not understand is why you, and her, and your entire fucking team keeps posting shit with the two of you holding hands while you look at her like you want to fuck her,” She covered her face in a useless attempt to stop her tears. “And not only that, it’s like you are longing for her, and don’t tell me I'm crazy because I know you, Shawn.”

Shawn just stood there, quiet, trying to process his girlfriend’s words. The only thing that reached his ears were the quiet sobs of (Y/N) as she tried to recover her breath to keep talking.

“I’ve grown used to people hating on me. I get it, it’s part of being in love with you, but situations like these make me question if it’s worth it,” She closed her eyes as her breathing quickened. “Now leave, you should enjoy your weekend off.”

Shawn sighed, “I’m not leaving you in this state, (Y/N).”

“Don’t worry about me, I'll be fine. Just please don’t treat me like a mad woman and admit you feel something for her, I know there are songs about her. And after you come to terms with it, you should have the decency to tell me. Talk to you later.”

Shawn was leaving when guilt overtook his senses and made him stop while he was crossing the door.

“I kissed her, while we were filming.”

Suddenly, the tears stopped.

“What?” She mumbled quietly. So quietly he barely heard her.

“It was on the spur of the moment, neither of us planned for it to happen.”

It was her turn to bitterly laugh, “Yet you had the nerve to call me crazy, Shawn. This is so fucked up. How long ago was this?”

Shawn closed his eyes and didn’t want to answer until he heard her yelling for him to tell her.

“Three months ago.”

“Fuck. Shawn, get the fuck out.” She wasn’t crying anymore, because she knew it wasn’t all in her mind.

“No. I have to explain.”

“There’s nothing, Shawn, absolutely nothing you can say that will change my mind.”

“I didn’t want to tell you because it meant nothing. That’s why you don’t have to worry, because I know for a fact that I felt nothing when I kissed her, the only person I want to kiss and love is you.”

“Bullshit. Now, get out.”

“Promise you’ll call before I leave.”

“I don’t have to promise you anything, Shawn. I don’t know if you realize, but you just confessed that you cheated on me. Now, please leave.”

Shawn shook his head before getting out of the apartment, knowing she’d cry herself to sleep and he’d toss and turn knowing he made a mistake.

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes blurb #Shawn Mendes Imagine #shawn mendes smut #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes blurb #shawn mendes au meme #Shawn Mendes angst #shawn mendes x reader

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horansqueen · 5 years ago

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AM Conversations : chapter 48

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28 || CHAPTER 29 || CHAPTER 30 || CHAPTER 31 || CHAPTER 32 || CHAPTER 33 || CHAPTER 34 || CHAPTER 35 || CHAPTER 36 || CHAPTER 37 || CHAPTER 38 || CHAPTER 39 || CHAPTER 40 || CHAPTER 41 || CHAPTER 42 || CHAPTER 43 || CHAPTER 44 || CHAPTER 45 || CHAPTER 46 || CHAPTER 47

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4.2k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- if you want to be notified when this is updated, please message me or leave a comment!

- note for this chapter: i know my last chapter didnt get many notes but the chapter is ready so why not post it you know? sex is vanilla again. thought it was cute. sue me lol. theyll have kinker sex dont worry hahaha! i would LOVE to know what you think of the characters and their reactions and stuff. so please, message me!

here are the requests for this chapter! for the instagram one, i changed it a bit because i dont think her character would want to be in the spotlight like that i hope its ok! also i had already talked about their first time and such so I added the others :)

Chapter 48 : His chapter

NIALL

"Oh my god! Look at you flirting with that woman like she's not 30 years older than you!"

I started laughing and let my head fall back slightly. My arm was on the couch's back right behind her head and I brought it closer, pulling her to me by her neck.

"Is that the tone you use when you're jealous?"

I noticed her nose raise up in a grimace but she kept staring at the tv, making me laugh even more. For some reason, Olivia wanted us to watch old One Direction interviews, pretending it would help me for the ones I had planned in the next few weeks. It didn't really help, all it did was make us laugh and I had to admit it was quite entertaining and I was pretty sure I had never watched most of them.

"It was tough watching interviews back then." she admitted, raising a shoulder. "Especially the older ones. You were such a horny kid."

I frowned slightly at her comment. I could hear a lot of pain but also a bit of blame and it bothered me. I was young, I was newly famous and not shy at all. Of course, I was a bit stupid and I tried to be funny but out of all the people in the world, I thought she'd be the last one to comment on it.

"I just enjoyed flirting." I let out, shrugging too. "I don't do that anymore."

It took her a few seconds but she turned my way, staring at my profile.

"How many times did it work?"

I frowned, still looking the old 60 minutes interview we did a few years ago playing on screen. Did I really want to have this discussion?

"What are you asking?"

I held my breath and turned to her, noticing how painful it was for her to ask me something like that. I felt my annoyance falter a bit but not leave completely.

"How many girls did you have sex with?"

We had never talked about that before. I thought about asking, especially when we started dating, but I was scared it would start shit between us. When I was younger, I didn't mention my stories mostly because I didn't want to hear hers. Now that I think about it, it was probably out of jealousy, too.

"Liv, please-"

"More than 10?"

I stared at her a few seconds and nodded a bit. I watched her lick her lips and breathe in and nervously, I felt my fingers play with the fabric of the couch. I hated this, it could only turn wrong.

"More than 20?"

I could feel myself getting angry and I closed my eyes, trying to calm down. I didn't know why I was so touchy, it was not in my nature, but perhaps the way she asked me didn't help. It was not just a casual conversation, there was clearly a reason why she asked and I suddenly regretted that we never talked about these things before.

"20 sounds about right." I just said, impatient to talk about something else.

"That's more than twice my number."

We remained silent for a few seconds and I raised my eyebrows at her.

"Am I supposed to answer something to that?" I just wondered a bit rudly. "I don't know what you expected Olivia, but clearly you're delusional. I've had a lot of opportunities it's true, and no of course I didn't jump on all of them, but you don't ask an 18 year old boy to be reasonable after being thrown into fame. I don't think you can really understand what it's like."

I shook my head and sighed louder than needed before getting up a bit roughly. I felt her fingers wrap about my wrist and stopped immediately.

"I'm sorry."

I stayed motionless, standing up with my eyes closed as her fingers pressed around my wrist more.

"I'm just scared. And insecure." she added low as i felt her fingers slip and free my hand. "I don't understand why you're dating me, Niall. You could date so many girls or just fool around with anyone you want. But you're here with me and it just makes no fucking sense to me. So when I see how things used to be for you, it scares me for the future and at the same time, it reminds me how much I cried during those years."

I sighed and slowly sat back down next to her, still not being able to look at her.

"Why did you propose we watch that then?"

From the corner of my eyes, I noticed her looking down and swallowing. I couldn't pretend I knew how she felt, not now and not back then, but I was dating her now, I had been dating her for over 9 months. The fact that she was still doubting me... doubting us, was tough to accept.

"I thought i'd be okay, I thought since you were next to me, holding my hand, that it wouldn't bother me." she explained in a low and ashamed tone. "I was wrong."

I sighed again and rubbed my eyes before getting up again. Her head shot up quickly but I just held my hand out to her. It took her a few seconds but slowly, she slid her palm against mine and I pulled on her hand, helping her get up.

"Let's go outside, okay?"

She didn't say anything, she just let me bring her outside, in the backyard. I took my socks off after letting go of her hands and sat on the side of the pool, putting my feet in the water and waited for her. It took her a few minutes but I still didn't turn to her. The night was calm and warm enough, especially for late september, and I looked down at her feet moving slowly in the water.

"At the lodge, I saw you and Harry making out naked on the side of the pool. It made me very jealous, even if I didn't really realize it back then. Not really because you two were having sex, but mostly because he had your full attention, and I was so used to have it all for myself that losing it was like a slap in the face." I admitted, licking my lips. "I'm not saying I know how you feel, Liv, or how you used to feel. I just think that holding on to that is changing you and stressing you for no reason."

"Maybe."

She didn't comment on the part about Harry and I closed my eyes.

"The first date I ever went on was with a girl from school." I added low.

"Grace, I remember."

"The whole time, all I could think about was kissing her. I didn't care about anything else. I was young, I can't even remember if I liked her, but I wanted my real first kiss and it's all that mattered." I made a pause and sighed. "Then I had girlfriends when I was a bit older, and then I joined One Direction and met other girls. And whenever I hung out with them, I was never jealous, I thought 'hey if it doesn't work then it wasn't meant to be' and that's it. I didn't expect it to last because I didn't want it to last. I had nothing to lose. I thought about sex and having fun."

I turned to her and sighed louder when I noticed tears falling down her cheeks. I moved my body her way slightly and shook my head.

"Olivia, why are you crying? I'm trying to tell you that it's different with you. I care about you. And the first thing I thought of when it came to you was not sex, it was not kissing you. It was making you happy, it was how good I felt around you. Why would you cry for that?"

"Because you seem to forget that I was there, Niall. I saw you with these girls. I cried myself to sleep because I desperately wanted to be in their shoes. My first kiss was with a guy at school who was harassing me to go out with him and when he kissed me, all I thought about was you. The first time I had sex with Rian I wished it was you. Every single decision in my love life seems to have been related to you. I'm not blaming you, it's all on me, but its still not easy for me."

My eyes roamed on her face and I watched her wipe her tears and sniff a few times before clearing her throat.

"We both need to make efforts. You can't spend all your time asking questions about my past that's gonna hurt you, you know."

"I'll work on that." she whispered. "But you're gonna have to be patient with me."

"Okay."

We remained quiet again for a while, just looking at the lights of the pool shining on the water. I knew I should reach for her hand but I wasn't sure I wanted to.

"Remember the first time we got drunk together?" she asked with a chuckle, moving her feet a bit more vigorously and making the water move around her. "You were so cute, and so damn tactile. At some point I was so close to tell you that I loved you that I got scared and hid in the bathroom for half an hour."

I smiled at the memory and chuckled.

"You were so dramatic and I didn't even know!" I let out, making her laugh too. "I don't know how you kept it inside for so long."

"Fear of losing you." she shrugged. "I just looked at you, both of us totally pissed, and I thought 'everyone wants a piece of him but he's with you right now, don't ruin this Olivia'."

"You were cute, you had that really high ponytail. I remember because whenever you'd turn around, your hair would brush against my arm and I was so drunk it made me shiver every time."

My eyes found hers and she was not smiling anymore. Her lips were parted and her eyes were glued to me. I raised my eyebrows and moved my face closer to hers.

"Yes, I remember things. Not the same things you remember, and maybe not for the same reasons, but I do remember things."

Slowly, she pressed her lips together and they curled as she kept looking at me.

"I love you, Niall."

I moved my upper body over hers, forcing her to move down on the hard cement but she didn't complain. I placed both my hands on each side of her chest to hold myself over her and bent down to kiss her.

"I love you too." i answered, moving up to a bit to look at her.

Her eyes traveled on my face until my lips and she licked hers.

"You said you'd make love to me whenever I'd want." she whispered so low i barely heard. "I really want it now."

"It's not really comfortable." I pointed out, the right corner of my lips moving up.

"Then you're gonna have to be extra gentle with me."

I nodded and sat up, immediately reaching for the hem of her sweatpants and she moved her butt up to help me. She brought her feet off the water and placed them on the ground, her knees up, and my eyes roamed between her legs as I let out a low groan. I took my shirt off and didn't even react when it fell in the pool. It made Olivia chuckle and I just moved gently over her, placing myself between her legs.

One of her hands ran on my chest as I pressed myself against her. I felt her grind up slowly against me and bent down to kiss her. I could feel myself get harder with every move of her hips, even if she was barely moving and I let my lips brush on her jaw and down her neck.

"You should keep your shirt on, I don't want your back all scratched."

I brought my mouth back on hers and I noticed her lips curling in a fond but amused smile.

"You don't want to see me completely naked?"

"Don't be silly." I chuckled again, glancing down and noticing her hard nipples through the fabric of her shirt. "I really fucking do. But you don't need to be naked to turn me on."

She smiled more and I moved down on my elbows, moving her head up gently and placing my hands under it to make sure her head wouldn't rub against the cement.

"Are you sure you want to try it here?"

She didn't say anything, she just kept looking at me as her hands moved between us. One of her palms pressed on my cock and I groaned low. She started nibbling on her bottom lip, slowly pulling my pants down and I pushed myself into her. I was surprised at how wet she already was and how easy it was for us to do this, like our bodies just seemed to fit perfectly together.

"I love you."

I bent down again, kissing her as I started thrusting in and out of her so slowly that I could feel everything incredibly well. So well that it brought sensations in me that I hadn't felt before. I felt impatient and my whole body throbbed even more than usual. It was definitely different than what I was used to but I loved it. I could really see all of her facial expressions and ended up letting out a very low curse word when her lips parted and her eyes fluttered close. I watched her as she moved her chin up and I could feel the back of her head rubbing slowly against the palm of my hands, making a mess of her hair. She looked amazing, all fucked beneath me, and it made me realize how much I loved her.

"I love you too." I whispered back. "So much."

"Just me?"

My movements faltered and her eyes opened slowly. I stared at my best friend, laying under me, and I thought of all the things we went through together and all the things we'll go through together too. I thought about our friendship that turned into love, I thought about us when we were young, I thought about everything I missed with her and everything I lived with her, and I could swear I felt my heart skip a beat.

"Yes, only you."

Her hands traveled on my back until my ass and she let out a short whimper as her thighs pressed on my side to keep me close. I could feel my elbows and the back of my hands hurt from rubbing slightly on the cement but it was really the sharp pain in one of my knees that made it worse. I tried to push it out of my thoughts to focus on her and when she arched her back and started shaking, I knew she was cumming.

"Oh god Niall... I.. I'm..."

I tried to keep my movements slow and steady but it was pure torture until I felt an orgasm reach me. I felt it coming and held my breath as my eyes closed and I groaned again as it spread inside me slower than normally. I could feel it until the tip of my fingers and in my toes and when I came down from my high, I blinked a few times.

"I'm literally seeing spots." I let out with a short laugh.

"Me too." she chuckled just as my sight was getting clear again.

I looked at her laying under me and sighed. Now that it was over, I was more aware of the pain and I grimaced. I let myself roll on my back next to her and she moved her upper body over me with a frown.

"You okay? You're not bleeding are you?"

I brought my hands up to look at them and shook my head.

"I'm sorry." she added, raising her nose up. "We should have tried on the grass. Do you need ice or something?"

"And pizza." I pointed out with an exaggerated pain expression, making her laugh.

"Alright i'll bring all that in the living room."

She was about to get up but I put my hand on her thigh to stop her, my fingers brushing gently on her skin.

"Wait." She stopped and turned to me. "These girls, they mean nothing. You need to trust me."

She sent me a sad smile and shrugged a shoulder very slowly. I was tired to fight and I was scared it would ruin things between us.

"I'll try."

---

I was driving the first time I heard 'This Town' on the radio and she was sitting next to me. I didn't know why but I felt incredibly lucky that I was not alone, and even luckier that she was the one with me. Her face illuminated and she let out a short scream, making me smile even more. I parked on the side of the road and she threw herself in my arms awkwardly since we both still had our seat belts on and we looked at each other the whole time it played until the very end.

"This is so fucking good Niall i'm so proud of you!"

I cupped her face and brought her closer a bit roughly, crashing my mouth against her and making her laugh. She grabbed the front of my shirt and deepened the kiss slightly, making me smile through it.

"Fucking hell."

She laughed as we pulled away slightly and smiled more.

"It's a big deal. Your first solo song." she whispered. "And you worked hard for that."

We remained in the car for a while, just flabbergasted by what had happened and a bit ecstatic. I looked at her reacting almost as intensely as me and it made me realize so many things that I just leaned against my seat and sighed. Despite all the fights we had, despite my almost total absence in the past few weeks, despite the fact that we had it hard recently, she was there, she supported me, and she was happy for me.

"A few drinks tonight to celebrate, how's that?" she proposed as I started the car again. "We could invite a few friends?"

"Yea, yea good call!" I let out, glancing at her. "Hey take my phone and go on instagram!"

She frowned a bit but she was still smiling and she did what I was told before looking at me again.

"You want to add something to your story?"she asked as I nodded. "Okay, go ahead!"

"Hello lovers, so we just heard 'This Town' for the first time on the radio a few minutes ago and we went completely crazy!" I just said with a laugh, trying to focus on the road as I passed one of my hands in my hair and shook my head. "Let me just get back home and I'll do a live and answer a few questions!"

She stopped filming and played with my phone for a few seconds before looking at me again.

"That's a very good idea."

With a smile plastered on my face, I parked the car and unlocked the front door before quickly getting my laptop. She put her purse on the couch and I sat next to it right before she disappeared in the kitchen. It took me a few minutes to go live but when I finally was, my smile hadn't faltered not even for a second. I started answering questions, glancing from time to time at Olivia that remained away from the camera. I knew she didn't like to be in the spotlight and that a lot of times, I brought attention to her without meaning to, but the fact that she was still there, in the shadows, to support me, meant the world.

"I was with Liv, it's her you heard on the video." I explained, answering an other question.

I saw my girlfriend grimace when she realized everyone had heard her voice and her probably her laughter when we recorded the small video in the car and my eyes found her again, her expression making me chuckle.

"From the face she's making now, it was clearly not intentional." I pointed out, laughing again.

My eyes caught a comment that made me frown but I tried to ignore it until I saw an other one and I finally closed my eyes, breathing in.

"Okay, i'm normally not the type to give attention to bad mouthing but we're trying to have a nice time and reading shit about my girlfriend is no fun."

I could feel Olivia tense near me as my eyes roamed on the comments.

'No Niall pls stay!!!'

'Ignore them we love her! OTP!'

'Fuck whoever talks shit about her'

'They don't deserve your attention!'

I didn't add anything else but kept on answering questions about an upcoming album, more songs, the process of writing and tour. After over half an hour, I said goodbye and turned my computer off. Olivia had left and I joined her in the kitchen, wrapping my arms around her waist from behind. My lips reached her neck and I squeezed her tighter against me.

"Hey, darling." I whispered. I heard her sniff and my heart twitched. "It wasn't that mean. I promise."

I watched her fingers grip the side of the sink more and suddenly felt extremely bad. I shouldn't have commented, that way, she wouldn't know about the mean comments, but when I saw them, I didn't think, I just reacted. It was not like me but reading shit about her made me a bit impulsive and now I regretted it.

"That's what I mean when I say I don't understand why you're dating me." she murmured after swallowing hard. "No one understands why you're dating me."

"People who know nothing about you or our story don't get it, so what?" I just replied, nuzzling her nape. "Fuck them. I know why i'm dating you and i've got a shitton of good reasons."

"Don't tell me you don't doubt us, sometimes, Niall." she shook her head. "Don't tell me it never crosses you mind that you should be dating someone who's in your league. A tall, skinny, gorgeous actress, model, singer... I don't know."

She moved away from me and turned around, her back still facing me. I let my arms fall on each side of my body and sighed a bit loud before rubbing my eyes. I was trying to comfort her but it seemed like nothing i'd do would change anything.

"I'm telling you it's you, okay? I love you!" I argued, getting annoyed again. "I don't get how it's so hard to understand!"

She finally turned to me slowly and I felt a pain at heart when I saw the tears on her red cheeks. I didn't know why it was affecting her that much and I felt like i'd never understand.

"Love is not everything. Contrary to popular belief, love is not all you need." she pointed out, her arms crossed on her chest. She shook her head again and licked her lips as I stayed still, holding my breath. "I don't get why you don't understand how I feel, and I can't seem to explain it. It's useless, Niall. I'm useless."

Without waiting for an answer, she turned around and walked in the hall. I closed my eyes, trying to calm the beating of my heart. I should have ran to her and took her in my arms. I should have tried again to tell her how much she meant to me. I should have begged her to believe me and trust me. Instead, I sat on a chair and sighed loud. I felt defeated and exhausted at the same time. I just wanted us to be happy like we used to be but I didn't know how.

After a good twenty minutes of thinking, I got up and walked to our room, opening the door slowly. She was laying in bed, on her side with her knees up. I took a few steps closer only to realize she was asleep. I put my hands deep in my pockets and stared at her for a few seconds. Her lips were slightly parted and I could hear her breathe a bit louder than usual. I sighed again and found a blanket before putting it over her and bending down.

"You're so much more than you seem to believe." I murmured close to her ear. "I wish I knew how to show you. Maybe i'm the useless one."

#niall horan #niall horan smut #niall horan fluff #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fan fic #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan fan fiction #niall horan writing #niall horan story #amc #my fanfics #is this chapter even worth it?#is this STORY even worth it #ahh i always doubt myself whenever its time to post a new chapter

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pretty-little-howtown · 6 years ago

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I’m Gonna Keep This Forever

Summary: The life of a makeup artist isn’t easy and it’s so much harder when you have a crush on one of the actors.

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: 1,944

Another day, another movie and another couple months of work. You walked into your trailer and started taking out and sorting all your make up supplies. Over your run as Marvel's main make up artist you've had everyone in the chair. From the stunning Scarlett Johansen to the charismatic Chris Hemsworth. Even the newest edition to the Marvel roster: Tom Holland.

Ever since he sat in your makeup chair for the first time you were practically the best of friends. If he had a problem he'd sit down and ask you for advice. You always wondered why you and he would always reply with 'you just have the best advice'. The two of you became so close that whenever he was going somewhere after the day was wrapped up he'd always invite you to hangout with him and his friends.

Your life was a dream come true. Everyone had sat in your chair, Tom more than others, other makeup artists would come and go depending on when they were needed but you were the constant. But your perfect lifestyle was in peril. It was in danger from your self. You had fallen hard for Tom. You didn't want to risk over stepping any lines, whether they already be drawn or not. Makeup artists are supposed to always be there but in the shadows not in the spot light. Over stepping those lines would put you in the spotlight and that's not what was supposed to happen.

Suddenly, Tom threw open the door to your trailer and pranced in elated, gripping his phone firmly in his hand.

"Y/N! Hey, I was wondering if you'd let me live stream you doing my make up for the shoot today. I just wanna show everyone part of the process ya know." He beamed with the hope that you'll let him live stream you doing his make up.

"Let me double check what you have to start off with today and then we'll see. We don't want any spoilers getting out. Do we Tom?" You asked with a raised eyebrow to which he blushed a little and awkwardly laughed. "Alright, you're in the clear. Set up anything you need and I'll go get the supplies." Tom fit pumped the air has he unlocked his phone, placed it against the wall mirror and started up the stream.

From the other side of the trailer you heard him mutter some words about what the two of you discussed earlier. You retuned with some basics. Foundation, concealer and the like.

"Right, this is Y/N the main Marvel make up artist," he explained as you waved to his phone, "today she's gonna do some basic make up for today's shoot."

He sat in the chair and you turned him sideways so that you could work but still have his audience see him. As you were putting on the foundation he asked you to read a few of the comments to him so he could reply and keep the stream as interesting as it can get. You found endearing when he went off on a tangent about something and his eyes just lit up talking about it.

"How did you get to where you are today?" You told him applying some concealer, waiting for him to reply.

"Well, it took a long time but I finished my GCSEs and then went to a preforming arts academy and did a course there for two years." You were concentrating on applying the highlighter while he talked you tuned him out. Until he looked directly at you with eyes full of curiosity with a hint of love and asked, "what about you?"

"Uh, me? I uh, I finished my GCSEs and my A levels. Did pretty well in both. Then I went off to uni and specialised in cosmetics. So a did four year course and got my bachelor's in cosmetics." You didn't say much as you weren't used to being the one answering the questions. To pressed on saying that he wanted to find out more about you. You said only a little more before asking about him.

He retold you his whole life story. His family life friend life even past girlfriends before asking you wether you were single. You answered with the truth. Yes. Although you did blush a little. In your book asking if someone was single was sign one of the asker being interested in the, aforementioned, someone.

You finished his make up and waved to Tom's audience as he ended the stream. He then put his phone into his pocket and swooped you into a hug. He even lifted you off the floor and spun your around. He thanked you once more and existed the trailer. A smile was still lingering on your face when Chris Evans walked in with a knowing look on his face.

"What?" You asked.

"Did I just hear Tom ask you if you were single?" Being the father figure he was, he answered a question with a question. Followed closely by yet another question, "and am I delusional but did you reply with yes?"

You just smiled asking him to sit in the chair and then looking outside at the large queue that had formed. It was back to the grind.

The next day you woke up with a small headache and a small memory gap that at first didn't appear to be a problem.

You went through your normal routine. Eat, brush teeth, get dressed brush hair, leave. You settled down in your car; looking at your watch on decided you still had time until you had to leave. Yawning with your thermos of tea in hand you opened your phone and saw it blow up with messages.

Tom invited you with Harrison Jacob and Zendaya to celebrate the end of filming. You went to Z's favourite bar and ordered a couple rounds. For most of the night you refused to drink anything stronger than whiskey, until Tom 'convinced' you to take a shot with him. He then had the brilliant idea to take a phot with all of you. He asked someone passing by to take the photo. You were in the middle with Tom's hands wrapped snugly around your waist and his chin atop your head. Zendaya and Jacob were on wait her side with Harrison on his side at your feet. After the photo was taken you honestly couldn't believe that his phone wasn't taken away. Tom then sent it to everyone so that you could all share this moment. The five of you then exited the bar and walked each other home. First Jacob then Z and then you. Tom wanted to spend as much time holding you as he could. When you got to your apartment he practically wouldn't let you go. He wanted to savour the moment because he knew full well that when the liquid courage wore off, he wouldn't be a ale to do it every again. Before he let you go however, he had another bright idea. This time to post the picture on Instagram tagging all of you in the photo.

You looked at the caption. 'Crazy last day of filming love you guys!' Under the post you read some of that comments that have been blowing up your phone.

'Omg who's that Tom's holding?! Are they dating?!'

'OMG OMG OMG @y/n IS SO CUTE WITH TOM SHIP!!!'

"AHHH IM NOT ON THAT PICTURE FUCK" you laughed at the last one. It sounded a lot like something you would say. Most of the rest of the comments were alternations between 'are they an item?' and 'I ship them so much.' Blushing you started your car and drove back to set. You had to clean up the makeup kits you left after Tom dragged you to celebrations.

When you got there however you weren't expecting Tom. He had no reason to be here, he was part of the cast his day was done. Yet he was still here.

"Hey Tom." You greeted, "what are you doing here?"

"Well uh I thought I'd- I'd hell you clean up. Yeah. Help clean up." He replied blushing. His was gonna do it. This was the day he was gonna say it. He wasn't gonna back out or more accurately Haz wasn't gonna let him back out. No more hiding. No more pretending. Today was the day.

You smiled, "okay well if you could bather up all the brushes that would be great." He did as you asked. The time was spent in stony silence. While Tom was hyping him self up to tell you by figuring out how he wanted to say it to you; you were were getting ready to give up. You were so focused on packing up that you got startled and fell backward when Tom tapped you on your shoulder. Tom's reflexes kicked in but instead of firmly holding you in his arms you fell on top of Tom. Your back to his front. You head a now from underneath you and saw Tom. Panicking you started standing up and apologising

"Guess I'm not as strong as I thought huh?" He laughed, "you don't need to apologise it was an accident." You nodded you head and went back to work still embarrassed by the previous situation.

You spent what felt like an eternity but was actually more like two seconds before Tom spoke again.

"Hey, I actually came here to tel you something. It's pretty big and I get if you don't wanna accept or anything but I'd still like to be friends after this. If you want to that is and if everything falls to shit like I feel it might." He started fiddling with the bristles of a foundation brush, suddenly finding them the most interesting thing in the world. "You see. There's not subtle or easy was for me to do this. When I told you I wanted the moment to be perfect but after last night I couldn't take not telling you any longer. I like you, a lot. Hell I think I love you. But like I said, I get it if you don't want anything to do with me or if you feel the same way." You stood there shocked. Tom stood there shocked. Why haven't you said anything yet. Are you gonna walk out and leave him? Is that gonna be it?

"Tom," he was dreading the answer but there was still a small glimmer of hope that you might like him back, "I like you too. I didn't think you'd like me back so I just kept it to my self hopped it'd go away. I was honestly just about ready to give up." Tom swooped you up in a hug the same kind of hug he gave you yesterday as a thank you. You heart swelled with joy. You got the guy.

"Can I kiss you now?" Tom asked waiting impatiently and almost immediately you replied. Yes. His lips captured yours in a passionate dance comparable to a tango. Tom traced your bottom lip with his tongue asking for entrance. Before he went in he nipped it sending a shock right through you. The shock coming out as an audible moan. He explored your mouth and you pulled away, lovingly looking into each other's eyes. Then you saw a flash. Turning towards it you saw a Haz shaped figure emerging from the bushes.

"Two posts in the span of a couple hours. The fans'll go crazy." He smirked and handed Tom back his phone. Tom showed the the picture.

"I'm gonna keep this forever"

#tom holland x makupartist!reader #dating tom holland #tom holland x oc #tom x you #tom holland imagines #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland #tom holland x y/n #tom holland x reader

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hockeyandstuff91 · 6 years ago

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Three of a Kind - Part 2

Word count: 3,182

Players: Tyler Seguin, Andre Burakovsky

Other people: Katie (mentioned)

Warnings: Cussing, Polyamory (is that really a warning? idt so really but I’ll put it just in case lol)

Authors Note: OKAY so I'm sure this isn't what people were expecting. This is a tough subject to write about because it works so differently for everyone and can be very complex. The only reason why I even feel remotely comfortable writing a series like this is because I was in a situation sort of like this. very different but same idea. I hope that I explained this well in the story, and why Tyler is so okay with this. I know its confusing and its awkward at first of course. but PLEASEEEEE if any of you are at all confused about anything send me an ask so that I can clear up any confusion. I'm sure I didn't really explain it super clear and like I said this topic can be complex, so if you are at all confused about anything please please please ask me and I will try to explain the best that I can <3

Hope you all enjoy!

Part 1 Part 3

(Brooke’s POV)

It had been 5 minutes since Andre had kissed me and left the room. I was still sitting here in shock not sure what to do exactly, or how to react. Gerry walked over to me, tail wagging and rested his head in my lap. I blinked out of my daze and pet him behind the ears. He looked up at me with his puppy dog eyes, the ones he always used when he had done something wrong.

"Yeah bud I know," I sighed. "You saw didn't you?" I asked and his ears perked up. "God what am I going to tell your dad," I sighed and brought my head down into my hands. Gerry picked his head up off my lap and licked my cheek a few times before curling up next to me on the couch.

I did not want to be the cause of issues between teammates, especially newer teammates. I knew that Tyler liked Andre, but I also could only imagine what Tyler's reaction was going to be to this. There had been only one instance when a guy had tried to hit on me at the bar and Tyler had gotten in his face about it, but he also didn't know that guy and we were in public so it was probably a little different than how he would be in his own home. At least I hoped so.

I took a deep breath and sighed, leaning back against the couch not even wanting to think about anything anymore for the rest of the day, so I closed my eyes and tried to fall asleep to escape reality for as long as I could.

I jumped awake to hear the front door close, followed by a few mumbled voices and then

"You what?!" I heard from the other room.

"Oh god. Oh god oh god oh god," I said as I jumped up off the couch and ran down the hall towards where the voices were coming from, Gerry following close behind me.

"I'm so sorry. I-I." I could hear Andre trying to come up with something to tell Tyler but I knew he had nothing.

I stopped in the entrance of the house where Tyler still had his gym bag slung over his shoulder. He looked over to me, honestly the look on his face wasn't as angry as I thought it was going to be.

"What. Happened," Tyler asked slowly, trying to stay calm.

I stood there like a deer in headlights, not sure what to say. I was still not sure what had happened or how the kiss had even been a thing, or if it was a thing. I had thought for a brief moment when I woke up on the couch it was some weird delusional dream but by the look on Andre's face it wasn't.

I looked down to the ground and saw that all of his stuff was packed and at the door. I figured Tyler must of walked in on Andre trying to leave the house.

"She was upset because of everything going on lately, and then the comments on the Instagram picture you posted of her this morning and I was trying to comfort her-"

"So you kissed her? Is that how you comfort everyone?" Tyler asked, looking back over to Andre.

"No.. I.." Andre sighed and grabbed his bags. "I'm sorry," he whispered as he tried to make his way by Tyler.

"No you aren't leaving. We all are going to talk about this. I wont be the reason why you have no home and miss any games. Lets go," Tyler said and made his way towards the living room.

"Fuck," I groaned and followed behind him. This was for sure not a conversation that I wanted to have, even though technically I hadn't done anything.

The conversation hadn't exactly gone the way I imagined it. Andre had ended up admitting his feelings for me, which confused the hell out of me. Apparently since he had gotten here and met me, he had a huge crush on me. Of course being that I was with Tyler he respected that, but seeing how hurt and upset I was today he had acted on it without even thinking.

Tyler was oddly understanding of the whole situation and I wasn't exactly sure why. We had all been sitting in silence for a few minutes before Tyler finally spoke up again. "Andre, Brooke and I need to talk about something. Excuse us please?"

Andre nodded and stood up, walking out of the room.

"I'm so sorry baby," I said, trying to not cry again. I had done enough of that today.

"Hey," Tyler whispered and grabbed my hands, moving closer to me. "I'm not mad. At either of you," he said and kissed my forehead.

"That's what I don't understand Ty. Why?"

"Because I love you."

"Okay?"

"And I want whats best for you, and for you to be happy. I can't always give you the proper emotional support that you need. I have noticed that, especially over the last few months with everything going on with your grandpa and dealing with that from all the way down here, Andre seems to understand how your brain works more than I do. He knows what to say to make you feel better and not be so upset about something. You both think in similar ways when it comes to emotions. He's just better at that aspect than I am."

"Okay? And?" I asked, still very confused where he was getting at with this.

Tyler took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I've never been the type of person to share things. Anything. Not usually at least. But you mean the absolute world to me. And I want you to be happy and I have noticed how close you two have gotten since he moved in.."

"Ty.. what are you saying?"

"I have a friend back home.. Adam. He's in a similar situation as I am where hes not good with emotional support. His girlfriend needs extra love in that department and they decided to try something. She had a good friend that had been in love with her for years, but couldn't do anything about it because those two were together. He was telling me that they did a trial period of the three of them all living in the same house. She was, well is, technically with both of them and it seems to work out really well for them. When he first told me it made no sense and I couldn't ever imagine doing something like that, but being in the situation he was I understand now. I want nothing but to make sure you are taken care of the way you need to be, and emotionally I can't do that. Andre can. We all live together already and we have seen that that works.. so maybe this will too."

"I can't really believe that you are suggesting this Ty," I said, shocked at what he had just said.

"I honestly can't either, but if it works that's all I care about. He can give you something that I can't and that's okay with me."

I sat back and looked at him. I took a shaky breath in and held it for a moment before I let it out.

"This is only if you want to," Tyler explained, bringing my hands up to kiss the back of them.

"I just.. I feel like that's so unfair to you."

Tyler shook his head "It's not. There would be things set in place, understandings and the three of us would need to communicate a lot to make sure that this works and there are no confused feelings. That's how Adam says it works best for them."

I nodded and sighed. I was very conflicted in why Tyler was even offering this to me, but I could tell that he was serious.

"Ty.. You know that just because you might not fully understand my emotions that doesn't mean that I don't love you any less or anything like that right?"

"Of course I know that baby," He smiled and pulled me close to him, kissing me deeply. "I'm not saying that Andre is replacing me in any way, I mean no one could anyways," He smirked down at me.

There was the Tyler that I knew. I laughed and shook my head, resting against him and finally relaxing for the first time all morning.

"I just want you taken care of. And I want you loved. I have noticed how he looks at you, and I know that he could give you the pieces that you need, that I can't always fulfill."

"Tyler you aren't lacking in any department-"

"I know you feel that way. But seeing how you two interact makes me realize that I am. And I'm okay with it. Its just the way that I am babe and that's okay. Please trust me on this. I have been talking to Adam a lot lately about this stuff and I feel like its actually a good idea. He said that if we had any questions the three of them would be willing to answer them too."

"okay say that this does work. What.." I looked around the room trying to find the words that I needed to say this next sentence. "This is going to get awkward somehow.." I groaned. "Alright. Say I agree to this. What happens? Am I dating you both?"

"Essentially yes."

"Okay and then what about the normal relationship stuff? Like kissing and sex?"

Tyler took a deep breath and nodded "Yeah that too."

"And you're okay with that?!" I asked, looking at him wide eyed. I couldn't believe what he was sitting here telling me.

Tyler closed his eyes and laughed a bit. "Brooke.. There's something that I haven't exactly expressed to you yet. Mostly because I didn't know how you would feel about this.. I have always had this thing about.. wanting to watch who I am with get pleased by someone other than me."

"You what?!"

Tyler nodded. "Surprising I know, since I'm not one to share and I seem to be very protective over you. It has to be the right person though, not some random guy."

"And you didn't tell me this before why? We have been together a year Ty," I laughed and looked up at him.

He smiled down at me and kissed my forehead. "Because I didn't know how you would feel about it. I wasn't going to push any of my kinks onto you if you didn't feel comfortable. I figured it would come up when the time was right."

"Okay well we will talk more about that later," I said and pressed my face against his chest.

"Honestly its more than a kink thing though.." he started, rubbing his hands up and down my back. "We'll talk about that more in a little while though. This is a lot to process and I want to be able to explain it fully to you."

"Okay."

"So should I call Andre back out here and see what he has to say?" Tyler asked.

I mumbled a yes against his chest and nodded slightly.

Two days later

The conversation with Andre had been super awkward and weird at first. He didn't think that Tyler was serious, and I still honestly didn't either at some points. However both of us had learned that he was, and he was trying his best to make it work between the three of us. I couldn't wrap my mind around that he was doing this, mostly for me, but he did finally convince me that this was something he had thought about in the past when he was younger, but pushed away because he thought it would be too complicated and he was too competitive and didn't like to share. He explained that he had always been interested in relationships like this and how they worked. He never thought he would end up in one, because it took certain people for this to work but he had a gut feeling that the three of us were the right people for this.

I was still very confused about this whole thing. I understood that he thought these type of relationships were interesting, but I never imagined he wanted to try one. I also knew how competitive he was and that was the exact reason why I never in a million years thought this would be an idea of his, which I told him that. His response to that? Well he had thought about it for months apparently. Ever since Andre had moved in. He said that he originally thought that it could never work either, but then he realized that Andre and him were so different that it could work. He gave an example that if him, being more of an alpha in charge type of male, had to deal with another one of those in the house it would never work, but being that Andre was a sweet innocent puppy, not the words Tyler used but my own, it wouldn't bring out Ty's competitive side.

I had to trust Tyler and how he felt on this, even if I still wasn't so sure. Granted I was being allowed to be with two of the most handsome, and talented, hockey players in the damn NHL so why should I even argue or complain with that? Well that’s what Katie told me after I had told her at least, and I kind of agreed with her, but it wasn't all about those things for me. Tyler and I had been together almost two years and it had gone amazing so far, and I had only really known Andre for about 6 months. There were a lot of aspects that matched between the two of us, so it did seem like it was going good so far.. but it had only been two days. I didn't want to tell Tyler that I felt like it could work too just yet.

I was also a little worried that this would somehow affect their hockey games, but it didn't. They actually won the home game last night, which had been so great. Both boys came home super happy and while I would of loved to congratulate them both.. I still wasn't exactly fully on board with this whole thing yet to go that far yet.

"Brooke," Tyler said, wrapping his arms around me, pulling me from my thoughts as I was cooking dinner.

"Hey babe," I smiled over my shoulder at him.

"You know you can give him attention too right?" he whispered in my ear.

I looked to the left of me, into the living room where Andre was sitting watching TV. I nodded and looked back to the food that I was cooking.

"Then go give him some of your time. You only gave him a hug last night after the game. Babe its okay. I'm serious," he said and kissed my temple.

"But dinner-"

"Wont be burned. You did teach me a thing or two about cooking. Plus your like what? 15 steps away. It'll be okay," he said, taking the spatula from my hand and turning me to face the couch.

"Okay," I smiled at him and walked over to the living room.

"Hey," Andre smiled up at me, moving over to make room so I could sit down.

I sat down, clearly too far away for what Tyler had meant because I heard him clear his throat from the kitchen before I even hit the couch. I slightly turned my head and eyed him out of the corner of my eye. I knew he wasn't being pushy with this whole thing, but he could tell there was tension in the house the last two days and he really wanted that to stop. He was doing really good at ensuring that he was okay with this and that the awkward stage would be over with soon and everything would be fine.

I scooted closer to Andre and looked back over to Tyler who held up his thumb. I laughed and shook my head.

"What?" Andre asked, looking away from the TV and over to me.

"Tyler thought that I was sitting too far from you. He wants me to give you more attention so its not tense in the house anymore," I said.

"Hey! Way to throw me under the bus over here," Tyler called out.

I laughed and Andre smiled at me. "He's just trying to make us feel comfortable I think. He gave me a whole pep talk on the way to the game last night. And again this morning on the way to practice," Andre said.

I nodded and sat back, watching TV for a little while. Nothing was said between the two of us again, but it didn't feel as tense. I was actually relaxed on the couch, being only a foot away from Andre where as yesterday I couldn't even sit on the same couch as him. Tyler cleared his throat again and I rolled my eyes.

A few moments later after Tyler had left the kitchen to go get something from the garage Andre turned to me. I looked over at him and watched his face. I could tell he wanted to say something, but didn't have the words. He gently reached up with his left hand and cupped my cheek. Before I knew what was happening I felt his lips on mine again, my eyes sliding closed. I tensed like I had the first time this happened, not sure how to react again.

"Oh for the love of god just kiss him back would you," Tyler said as he walked by us and back into the kitchen, unloading the pack of waters he had just brought in, into the fridge.

I pulled back from the kiss and looked over to him. "Are you-"

"Yes!" Tyler laughed.

I turned back to Andre and he smiled at me, rubbing his thumb on my cheek. "Try again?" he asked softly.

I nodded slowly and he leaned back in and pressed his lips to mine again. My eyes slid closed again and my right hand came up to gently grab onto his hair as I finally kissed him back. It felt odd, but also right at the same time. Which honestly was a very confusing and conflicting feeling to have, but I knew that I would eventually figure it out.

I pulled back from the kiss after a few moments and smiled at him. "See was that so hard?" Tyler asked, pulling the rest of the food out of the oven and turning off the stove.

"No," I mumbled and pulled my hand back and stood up, Andre following close behind me as we walked into the kitchen to plate our food.

This was going to take some getting use to.

#nhl fanfic #tyler seguin #andre burakovsky #three of a kind #three of a kind part 2 #polyamory #my series #dallas stars #first person

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suggers-got-dingled · 7 years ago

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ok so I know it's been two whole days and everyone's probably ~~over~~ the buzz by now but I never will be until my dying day and I still have many feelings that keep bursting out in sudden rushes of weeping, smiling emotion every time I think about and look at my photos from the TV choice awards so whilst I'm finally feeling more human yet shattered and still in my bubble of happiness and daze and joy and laughter that seems to treble in potency late at night I'm here to relive the best moments from 4th September 2017 which is now officially declared National Ryan Hawley Day by his number one fan and tv husband Daniel Benedict Miller *deep breath* here we go...

getting off the Leeds to London train to find out Iain, Sally, Charlotte and John were also on it and we were completely oblivious to the fact we were sharing the same enclosed air as soap's best loved cast and most loathed man lmao (honestly we should have known from then on that it was going to be the most momentous day?!????)

seeing Iain once again as he walks past and ignores a group of very bitter robron fans whilst everyone tries their best to hold back with a couple of oooh's here and there, awkward tension that you could literally cut with a knife and comment of the night "can we all hush because he won't give us robron back at all" WHAT IS THIS TUMULTUOUS LIFE I LIVE I HIGH KEY WANTED TO LEAVE EARTH

the same very bitter robron fans forgetting about any foregoing drama, gathering together both in person and online to love and appreciate and support our boys. Meeting fans we'd spoke to for months (even years) for the first time and instantly connecting because of our mutual passion. It was just so pure???? and lovely??? and comfortable???? how happy and delighted and wrapped up in dryan we all were sat on those cold, hard floors cuddling for warmth, bonding and crying over how kind everyone was being as we posted our photos. It was one of - if not my favourite - times in the fandom (aside from the soap awards) and it made me realise why we're all still here on this rollercoaster journey

all being in a designated group waiting in anticipation for Danny and Ryan content as well as their arrival on the red carpet and making the loudest most inhumane noise as soon as the first photo was released, to say all eyes on us was an understatement IT WAS GR8

getting the news of more photos and videos and interviews and articles and reacting together it just made the experience so!! much!! more!!! special!!!

chatting with Kate Oates for a good few minutes and her giving an awkward side eyed chuckle as we tell her we miss her and need her back HONESTLY she is such a babe and I think she just about gets our current despair lmao bless

completely missing Danny and Ryan rolling up looking a solid 12/10 as they dive straight in the door and feeling deflated but also on top of the world (pretty sure my only view was Ryan's blonde locks sticking out from the crowd of heads and I have never felt more fortunate)

deciding to sit round the front in the dark and wait for any signs of the boys whilst contemplating how and why this god damn ceremony won't just start and it ending up being THE MOST SUCCESSFUL DECISION OF ALL DECISIONS

some random man asking if we're waiting for Danny Miller because he sensed 'that vibe' I don't think I've ever related to a passer by so much in my life it was amazing

seeing Danny first (of course, how many times does that boy want to take a cig break outside?!?!) him casually strolling over to us after he'd dealt with the sought attention on the other side whilst we're all must remain cool and collected, must try and not transport my thoughts from my brain to my mouth about how much I want to rip that suit without a tie off him and ruffle his perfect hair

him being the sarciest little shit??? "you travel about you lot don't you" were the very first words to come out of his mouth and I'm just??? thanks Danny for reminding me what a high key mess my life is it's all because of you I hope you know that!!

him saying he'd record Ryan's speech before the knowledge of him winning was actually in (LOL HE SO KNEW AND I'VE NEVER KNOWN SOMEONE BE SUCH AN ENTHUSIASTIC FANGIRL FOR RYAN HAWLEY I WOULD HAVE SOLD MY SOUL TO SEE HIS NERVOUS BEAMING LIL FACE THE MOMENT HIS NAME WAS ANNOUNCED)

Danny saying Ryan said he'd come out to see us later and us being all *insert everybody calm down it's happening gif here*

THE MOMENT WE FOUND OUT RYAN HAD INDEED WON BEST ACTOR AND NOW BOTH OUR BOYS WERE AWARD WINNING ACTORS there were genuine tears of merriment with hands clasped over faces it was a beautiful sight to behold and I've never been as ecstatic

Danny coming out (again) once the show was over and Emmerdale had smashed yet another award show, us applauding from a distance and Danny cheering with us from the other side of the road

us getting told to be quiet by the security for the hundredth time that night

then the biggest blur of the century occurring almost immediately afterwards as Danny tells us he's gonna bring the winning man out to us not even giving us chance to compose ourselves

A WILD RYAN HAWLEY APPEARS WITH THE BIGGEST GRIN ON HIS FACE CLUTCHING HIS SHINY AWARD AND MY LUNGS NEARLY GIVE IN

DANNY FOLLOWS RIGHT BEHIND HIM LOOKING SO UNBELIEVABLY HAPPY AND PROUD OF HIM HE WAS ON THE BIGGEST HIGH AND I DON'T THINK I'VE EVER SEEN HIM LIKE THAT EVEN WHEN HE'S WON HIMSELF, HE HAS SO MUCH SUPPORT AND LOVE FOR HIS CO STARS IT'S SO UPLIFTING

RYAN'S FACE AS HE HEADED TOWARDS TO US WHEN HE TURNED HIS HEAD AND SAW US ALL THERE I'M LITERALLY NEVER GETTING OVER IT him straight away asking us if we'd voted, thanking us for doing so whilst telling us how much winning means to him with his dedicated adorable speech. Him saying he thought John would win and being totally shocked, he genuinely never expected it all and he was so grateful and appreciative as everyone was congratulating him and singing our proud praises WHY IS HE SO FUCKING LIFE RUININGLY LOVEABLE AND ADORABLE AND MODEST HE'S THE CUTEST ANGEL I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT HIS SMILE AND HIS SWEET WORDS

Ryan just melting my heart to mush and reminding me why I hold so much admiration for him I'm just so honoured to have seen him right after his win and so unbelievably pleased we could show him outright the love he deserves and has instead of hearing it from second person IT WAS SO CHILLED AND SO PLEASANT TO SEE RYAN SO RELAXED MEETING US I DON'T THINK I'VE EVER SEEN HIM SO AT EASE AT A TIME WHEN HE ACTUALLY LEAVES HIS HOUSE (the drinks and Danny’s company probably helped)

DANNY JUST STANDING BACK AND LETTING RYAN DO HIS THING AS HE PRACTICALLY PUSHES HIM TOWARDS US EMOTIONAL AWAITING FANS I'm getting flutters in my tummy typing this out why am I like this why do they do this to me like???? what the fuck??? he just started filming randomly after he purposely went inside to bring him out and let him know there's plenty of people who are proud of him??? like he needed to witness him all there with us and he came out with him as backup because he wanted to record the moment we all gave him double the love he gives him on a daily basis I will never ever ever ever recover from this HOW WILL IT SINK IN HELP ME

us being completely unaware that Danny was filming at first and then just being in a state of belief about it, after we found out it was on Instagram and watched it back it was meltdown I tell you I have never been so thankful to be hidden behind a bush LMAO WILL I EVER GET OVER DANNY GLADLY EXPOSING US ALL AND CAPTURING THE FOCUS OF MY FRIEND JADE AND HER LIL CONFUSED WAVE NO I WILL NOT IT MAKES MY LIFE LIKE YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE

Danny getting us into trouble by the security for the third time that night and him just howling about the fact whilst carrying on filming despite the professional demands HE'S JUST WALKING AROUND FILMING HIS KING WHY THEY GOTTA RUIN THE VIBE IDC IF PEOPLE ARE SLEEPING RYAN HAWLEY AND DANNY MILLER ARE WITHIN REACHING DISTANCE IN THE SAME ZONE LET US ENJOY THE EUPHORIA

Danny being a cheeky, playful little shit 2.0 "where's that video going then" "never you mind" *smug smile and wink* "you so knew Ryan had won didn't you that's why you said you'd film the iconic moment for us???" "oh I can’t tell you that can I" *another smug smile and wink* I LOVE HIM WITH ALL MY HEART

A DRYAN PHOTO MY FUCKING DREAM COME TRUE I WAS SHOOKETH TO THE CORE I STILL AM I CAN'T STOP WEEPING OVER IT EVERY TIME I CATCH A GLIMPSE OF MY LOCK SCREEN

explaining what being shooketh is to Danny and hearing that word from the horse's mouth what a weird encounter

ridiculously happy Ryan Hawley holding his award up in every single photo like a proud child receiving their first medal with a school sticker smile IT'S ALL I NEED IN LIFE HE'S SO PRECIOUS

Ryan still finding the time to be the caring dad being concerned about how fans are going to get home, introducing himself with a handshake and reassuring them with a "don't be nervous" I was all awwwww'd out it's just sheer lunacy I can't cope with him

DANNY COMPLAINING ABOUT GIN AND TONIC BEING £20 SAYING RYAN CAN GET THE DRINKS IN SEEN AS HE WON AND DIRECTING HIS NEED TO GET WRECKED IN RYAN'S INFLUENCED AND BOUNCING OFF THE WALLS AURA "let's go get fucked" - that both ends my life and resurrects me every time it crosses my mind p l e a s e

us being all I LOVE ROBRON, hugging and just genuinely being inconsolable after the power duo said bye and headed off to enjoy the party together like there's so many mixed up memories it was that overwhelming and surreal I think I'm still in the midst of a dryan hangover

walking round London at midnight on autopilot and a delusional bubble just going through the motions breathless with no idea where we are or what we're doing, not even looking when crossing the road, nearly getting run over and not even caring because if we died right there and then we'd die at peak levels of happiness

heading back on a 5hr megabus journey just absolutely shook to the core, recapping and waking up from two hours of broken sleep turning to each other and being like OH MY GOD WE ACTUALLY GOT A PICTURE WITH DANNY AND RYAN

I ended up walking through Leeds at gone 6am in the pissing down rain, my onesie and no makeup but it was well worth it to see Emmerdale sweep the board clean and the two men I owe my life to TOGETHER! IN! THE! FLESH! Honestly I wish I could bottle up the moments and the feelings and just dish it out for everyone to experience because literally nothing compared.

I really do have such an overwhelming amount of love for Danny and Ryan and I'm about to cry again like wow they are just too cute I've never seen a friendship so heartwarming, two people being so loving and tender and supportive towards each other in real life whilst being in a constant cycle of snogging, fighting, problem facing, soul consuming and devoting deeply onscreen. I'm still in disbelief I can't even concentrate on reality nothing else matters but them those two married tv husbands and I don't think I'll ever love anyone more. I was just here living a normal, basic life being a normal, basic human being and then dryan came along and changed everything hehehehe the pain. Seriously, Emmerdale has destroyed every particle of my sanity lately but it's times like this when it hits me that there's no denying they own my ass completely EVEN ON MY DEATH BED THE EVENING OF THE 4TH SEPTEMBER 2017 WILL STILL BE THE LAST I SPEAK OF DESPITE THE REST OF MY DIRE INTERNAL AND EXTERNAL LIFE EVENTS CONTINUING AS I GROW OLD

#long post #dryan #danny miller #ryan hawley #emmerdale #tv choice awards #*#this is dedicated to my anons that i haven't got round to answering yet lmao #it's taken me all night to type up who even am i #will i be sleeping right now???#of course not i'll be reliving it AGAIN #enjoy this absolute mess #i put it in a read more because it's h u g e

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ahnamission-blog · 7 years ago

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so today

was actually a productive day. I came across a bunch of my old accounts and was surprised to see what I had written and how much I've grown. In this time span of the past year I've made so many voice recordings and note diaries in my iclouds, onedrives, evernotes of all the things I've learned and went through but it's weird none of them are public and all my stuff is everywhere I have like 13 email accounts and then drives and clouds connected to them, which are all like different chapters of my life which I can categorize by what music I had screenshotted and what color hair I had at the time. I don't know if anyone will read this but I'm getting into a eucalyptus bath at my parents home and I guess I'll just let my mind wander. Life has changed so much, i've chang3d so much. It's amazing how much has changed, the amount of synchronicity lately has been positively overwhelming, i miss writing. It's so strange that I tried killing myself and it's almost a year from the date la st year on 9/11. It's so weird that some people close to me never even acknowledged that it happened and bullied me even after it happened. So much has happened that I can't explain, to most unawakened sleepers or cynics or skeptics it sounds like hogwash or some random name of some random mental disorder. But it's not, all of this has been so real and my heart just keeps going back to the whole reason I know any of this at all, or even was interested in it. By someone who came into my life and presence has lingered long after his departure, leaving me with the desire to be kind to everyone I meet. Ugh I'm rambling. It's amazing how much you can miss someone or just wonder how they are, thinking about things I'd ask if given the chance or just being happy with the opportunity to listen, even as a friend. Why did I have to....ugh. anyways, it's weird that I tried to kill myself I guess. It's crazy that I stabbed myself and am still here, it changed me completely and it's even stranger that after getting out of the hospital that I just fell back into old things: facebook, instagram, caring what people think, and it's the strangest that ever since that suicide attempt that I've been met with so much rudenss, dog comments, ignorance and hostility....half and half comments, cup of joe, sloppy joes- all this shit. I don't sleep around yet people heckle me as if I'm a whore. I guess saving it for someone special equates to being whatever. Some people I'll never please. I don't need to, but it's different to watch the social hierarchy take place and people try to outdo each other, women hate on each other, people competing with one another or slandering each other online. A president who uses twitter.....its incredible how fake of a world we live in. And being aware of it, watching people succumb to the matrix and then being called crazy by those same people. Because I don't want to pay 600 dollars for some bag, or need a lip injection, or shop at a thrift store. Blah this is going to be a brain dump. This bath is so warm, I'm going to put the jets on. I've never had such intense incredibly lifelike dreams before in all my life, nor have I ever had to fight so hard to protect my energy or frequency, negative people exhaust me to no end. There's energy vampires and it's such a real thing but anyone who is one will play into the facade that it doesn't exist. I'm just letting all my thoughts go, it's been so long since I painted. I miss it. I can't believe I let myself gain so much weight, i used to be a dancer. Being in this body is hell. I miss flexibility, twirling, moving like an instrument to the rythym. I still dance but mostly alone and I realized how awkward I am in my own skin. Someone told me why am I telling my story, stop telling people I almost killed myself. Like Buzz off it's my story to tell and if you don't like it don't listen. It's amazing to watch people treat me like shit and then become offended when I distance myself from their bad vibes. This left and right sided war is some sorta bullshit that I can't even categorize but is so blatantly obvious that I feel like a fool for even touching the topic. Basically I'm unlearning all I had learned - the false histories, the dogmas and doctrines of belief systems built on lies and contradiction. It's amazing to see how tall the wall they built is. I'm so in love with someone who probably forgot I existed, but my heart has never recovered from it. And I believe in unconditional love and I know everything happens for a reason, still, it's incredible to see what real love is capable of doing to a person, or for one. Music is everything. I find peace in music, water, poetry & the stars. It's incredible to know how many people have made rumors against me, i've been called everything in th3 book by now from schizophrenic to batshit crazy to some sorta mental disorder that exists in .003% of the population. And I'm just amazed people buy into the lies and rumors at almost 30 years old, and then I know people double my age who are on the same bullshit and all I can think of Holy God Almighty, not to be disrespectful to YOU Lord but to think of an existence full of rumors and gossip after 55_60 years of life sounds like living hell. It amazes me people care that much what others are doing. It's sad. It's even sadder to know some miserable people try to bring down someone who tried killing herself. But I guess misery loves company. It's a mentality - divide and conquer agendas create it. I wanna do acid, i should meditate. I've had SO many intense dreams lately, dreams seem more r3al than life itself. I always try to find him but it's so hard to get to him it's like someone is always in the way and I wonder why it has to be this way. I'm so happy for my sister she's found the love of her life in h3r best fri3nd. I wish it was that easy and accepted for me, but it is this war. A war against true love or something, some war against me and I don't know why. All I know is I'm the last to know everything and all my family has lied to me and continues to. I never got an answer to how they knew I stabbed myself when my parents ran into a room I was quietly bleeding out in, peacefully, finally able to leave and everything was shifting and it was so beautiful. It felt like I was finally going home to somewhere I belonged. It's ironic because I have so many spirit guides and synchronicity but I'm a deeply neurotic and paranoid person because I am so accustomed to being lied to that I question myself constantly. Learning to be in my own company is interesting. I go back to my apartment and there's new food in the fridge, things are out in different places it's common now. They don't respect my privacy now as they never did but I can't even bring it up because all I get are lies and cover ups like always. So I let it go because what else can I do, i should have known it going into it. Nothing I have is really mine, just a reminder to feel owned by someone or something somewhere else in the world. My father farted when I tried to kill myself. After stabbing myself with an 8 inch knife and they all lie. I'm so used to it Its so sad, i was the last to know that the collective consciousness was a thing and to this day they don't admit it. My entire life is a sham, the only thing that truly belongs to me are my heart and my mind and there's no way I'm letting them take those two from me. No matter how many people are against me. All I gotta say is some people in my bloodline literally don't even treat me like a blood relativ3, it's sad and I feel bad for them that they march around being mad negative light drainers who are angry crabby and fucking rude. And those same fucking people will be r3ading everything I post like hey, get a fucking life of your own instead of talking about and putting down mine fuck3r. Go read something you enjoy. Ugh. Meditate. Count to 10. Inc3nse. Candles. Tarot. Energy readings. Mindfulness. The Power of presence. I know, i know, emotions are just visitors let them come observe them and watch them leave don't become identified with them. But some people be all up in my energy, thoughts, business, postings, and dreams like ?!?!?!?! If I'm such a schizophrenic batshit loser you must surely hav3 something better to do with your time and energy than be concerned with how I'm spending mine. Then it hits me that I attract the frequency I emit so I must vibratehigher. The high self and the low self.soul and ego. Wisdom versus carnal desire. This world is truly crazy but it's nice to know so many people are waking up. Crickets chirp an unrehearsed melody as I turn bath jets off, traffic whirs by in the background. Silence. Stillness. How many times I've found myself here. Despite distraction, or social media or trying to answer to a higher calling....of some sort. Why does that dog always bark. And WHY do I know so many fake people. But th3n I've met a lot of humbl3, kind, awakened individuals on this journey that I hardlyknew yet extended their kindness. I miss him so much. All of this was for him, i've never cared so much for someone. Duolingo or something, i go to bed everynight hoping to see him. Some say I'm delusional for beli3ving in us or holding on this long without physical logical concrete scientific evidence. And I've been skeptical, because could anyone really love me that deeply even at my darkest? I don't know but I have chosen to believe in this, and that it will all work out and that the best is yet to come and to have faith and trust the process and hold the vision and. Honestly I am so grateful because I had no idea how powerful love was. Or surrender. But here I am, in a bath typing out a bunch of thoughts as they splatter across my consciousness. And it's so much bigger than any one part, its like we're all fractals. And were all waves, seemingly separate but all part of something more. With so much depth And unexplored territory.....and it's so beautiful why would anyone wanna hide it or keep it secret? Because then people would be aware of their power. God I missed writing. So much has happened so much has changed. I'm so sick of them trying to quiet me or interrupt me or distract me and my thought or energy or dreams or what3ver. I mean everyone can hear my thoughts and no one talks about it yes hi train beeping in the distance, i love you! This esp thing is so obvious, my parents were so mad when I was friends with Angie and she was communicating with me through thought or esp or heard my thoughts. They keep trying to keep it secret and it's a complete and total fail because I have a big mouth and my patience has reached it's bullshit tolerance so now im just gonna put it all out there. Which just prov3s that anyone whose trying to mask the truth with a lie shouldn't be trying to make my life seem like some big huge bullshit story of a farce when your life and reality can b3 ruined with something as simple as the honest to God truth. And the truth is we can all communicate through ESP and telepathy and the Collective consciousness exists and a bunch of peopl3 are ascending and evolving and feeling he frequencies and shifts on a planetary level, some sooner than others and I was the last one to know but now I know so don't be mad that I'm sharing the knowledge because to be honest I never really know what it going on in a collective state but I do know my own body and mind and the shifts and changes it has went through in the past few months and this is a real thing and no amount of tweets or toupees or annoyingly consistent drawer of red neckties or some random wall on an imaginary bord3r is going to distract the Collective awakened community from the reality that humanity as a whole is traveling towards a high3r evolutionary conscious state. And this divide and conquer agenda, organized social media & news, weather manipulation, water fluoridation, chem trail bullshit is going to hide th3 fact that you couldn't keep this lie a secret for ever and you're just mad the truth is seeping out and it's fine that it's being ridiculed right now with #woke bullshit but it is common knowledge that things are ridiculed, then acknowledged, then experienced, then witnessed as being self evident. So what's up from dat third eye. Lol I mean really. Synchronicity is off the charts right now man like kablam! And I'm expected to be serious as half of my mind doesn't even belong to m3 but is shared with a collective party? The one thing I know that my teacher taught me is consciousness can be controlled if you don't know who you are. Mind control is an actual thing. Energy vampires totally exist. All we have is energy, frequency and vibration. And that's all that we are. But knowing that information is powerful because then you start to emit your own frequency rather than picking up others. You start vibrating higher to detach from lower levels of self, ego self, and start vibrating with your higher self and higher purpose and therefore you are in a place, energy wise, where only that vibration can reach you at. And it's fucking magical!!!! I'm tired. I've been up since, well over 24 hours. Had 2 large pumpkin spice lattes, took 600 mg of seroquel and 2 attivan and didn't sleep. Smart choices. But I was like no hll no I'm not missing another beautiful day sleeping through it, and I organized so much stuff! And my mom and I made so much food for the week together it was pretty cute. Anyways idk. Now I'm thinking of him and I'll probably get all sappy and try to duolingo it to get some sort of......him. idk. To be honest, it's my total vulnerable topic. So I could easily shut off right now or switch topics but.....im feeling ballsy. Lol. Idk. I mean, could this all be real with him? Deep down I hope so that's all I could ever want or hope for. I mean, all this has happened and it is for a purpose. I just hope he is part of it, but it's so private but I've made it so public without really meaning to but I guess it is no secret and I guess everyone knows already so I guess I'll just surrender, i love him, and let it be what it is. Hmm that's different lol anyways I wonder what this week will be like. I wonder if I'll meet someone whose like heyyyyyy heard your thoughts through the Collective Conscious and dope thoughts man, dope thoughts. Like can't we just talk like that? Or is everyone too busy retweeting some sentence about some dumb society hierarchy bullshit that's meant to serve as a distraction from reality? Wake da fup.....but literallyit took me forevs to wake up. Acid helped. I wonder how DMT is like, anyone got the hookup? I could use a trip! Anyways it feels nice being myself again and talking like myself or typing I should say, even if no body reads this at least I was able to write about something real without someone trying to stop me from speaking truth. Anyways wherever you are, if you're reading this, i miss you and hope you are happy. That's all for now folks <3 namaste

#collectiveconsciousness

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emeraldbabygirl · 6 years ago

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I love Namjoon so much, more than anything in the world, more than anyone in the world and probably a lot of people are saying that now but I’ve loved him since 2014, in his block hair and sunglasses days, I loved him when y’all were calling him ugly. He was always beautiful to me. I wish he could find me or I could find him and he could fall in love with me but that will never happen, he likes women that have nice bodies.I am ugly and fat, I’m not a model or an actress or a singer, I’m just a fan. Other fans will have a better chance than me because at least they’ve seen BTS and they either live in Korea or the places that BTS goes to, I live no where, Namjoon has never heard of Oregon so there’s no way I’ll ever be able to even see them in person, kcon and concerts and fanmeets/fansigns are expensive and since I live in the wrong state plane tickets and hotel stays are expensive too. I wish I was rich enough to go to all my groups concerts but even then I wouldn’t want them to see someone as ugly as me. I’ve lived about 2 years loving Namjoon and I don’t really know him, just as an artist and every time I think about him my heart hurts, I’m saving all these photos and music and videos of him and BTS and trying to support my groups by buying their merch But is there really a point? I would be keeping pictures of a taken man. They don’t know I exist and will never love me the same way I love them and marrying or even dating an idol would be bad because I would get picked on and the fans would say stuff like “Why is he dating the ugliest girl on the planet?” “He’s wasting his time with her, she’s not even pretty” “she’s too fat and ugly to be with him” I don’t want to put that burden on him but I love him so much. I don’t want him to have kids with me because our babies would be ugly and I don’t want that for them but I love him too much. I know I’ll never be with him or get the chance to tell him how I feel and even then he’ll just say “thanks for supporting us” even tho I wish he would say “marry me” I know I’ll never be with any of my biases they will all find a really attractive woman with a nice body that’s either an actress, singer or model and I won’t know what to do with myself.

I’ve been trying to prepare myself for when the news about Namjoon getting married comes but I don’t want to think about it, I don’t want to know that he’s getting married, I’d rather die. Which is overdramatic but what am I supposed to do with myself knowing that the one person I love more than anything, my world is happily married to someone much prettier and much more attractive than I am. That girl on Instagram has a better chance than me, she’s pretty and she had an account that so many people follow and they all think Namjoon should meet her, they all think she is the perfect girl for him. That’s why I don’t go on instagram because I see her posts and I feel bad about how much I’m not loving him and she’s loving him more and she’s a damn beacon, right there in the open, you can easily find her, he would fall in love instantly. I wish he could find me and be with me, I wish he thought I was beautiful, I wish I could tell him how much I love and appreciate him and he would tell me that he wants to date me. I’ll be extremely sad when he gets in a relationship because 1. My happiness will be gone and 2. He’s having the family that I want to have with him, how can someone I barely know affect me so much? How can someone who doesn’t know I exist affect me in such a way that I love him cause he’s my happiness yet he makes me sad because I know he will never be mine.

I know in order to be in relationship you have to go outside and meet new people but I can’t do that, I just want him to find me and fall in love with me, if that’s even a thing. My heart physically hurts all the time I want to be his happiness like he’s mine but I know it will never happen yet I can’t stop thinking about it, I can’t stop fantasizing about me being Namjoon’s girlfriend then becoming his wife, I want to marry him and have a life with him and maybe start a family, I want to grow old with him but he’s gonna grow old and start a family with someone else, someone attractive, someone famous.

I guess what I’m trying to say is I love Namjoon, I love him so much and I’ve never loved someone that’s a stranger to me as I do Namjoon but I feel like I don’t love him as much as I should and there’s always gonna be someone that loves him more than me and that makes me sad beyond words

Maybe if I met him and told him how I felt I would feel a little better, I know that he won’t feel the same way because it’s always been like that, all the guys I like don’t like me back but maybe if I heard it from him I would realize I need to stop chasing things that don’t want to be caught

The dream with me dating Namjoon, when I woke up there was that strange feeling I had again like I did for the Wings tour.

I feel like I need someone, like partner wise, that’s gentle. Of course maybe I don’t need anyone. I want someone who is going to be gentle with me and I feel like I won’t find anyone like that, Namjoon is sweet and gentle and he’s wonderful and I’ve never felt this way about anyone which is weird because I don’t know him. I just know that he’s the leader of a really popular group and he writes music and he’s very smart and he’s an amazing artist and an incredible person..

I don’t know if you would say I’m jealous or call me selfish or crazy, obsessed, delusional, stupid and I don’t know myself what to call it, I feel like crap, I really do. And for someone who used to make me happy I guess he doesn’t make me that happy if I get sad whenever I think about him. Is it him making me sad or is it the thing I’m afraid of and preparing for making me sad?

Namjoon is my bias in BTS, even in the beginning he always stuck out to me there was something about him that I liked and wanted to know more about and as the years went by he became my ub I started following this fan account on insta because they posted pictures of Namjoon and at first I liked it because I could get pictures of him that I didn’t have but they started putting captions with the posts saying things like “I love him so much I wish we could meet, I know I can give him the love he deserves” and the people in the comments were shipping them and saying they hope Namjoon finds them and they get married because they deserve each other and at the time I was still new to the account, I didn’t know them that well but I said something along the lines of “I don’t know you that well but you deserve Namjoon more than anyone else in the world” and that’s when I started to get sad.

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helloworlddemo1122-yahoopar-blog · 7 years ago

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Pamela Anderson Claims Tommy Lee Is 'Spinning Out of Control' Following Altercation With Their Son

Pamela Anderson is weighing in on the altercation between her ex-husband, Tommy Lee, and their 21-year-old son, Brandon Lee, that has led to a criminal investigation.

In a statement posted to her website on Thursday, titled "Alcoholism Is the Devil," the 50-year-old model seemingly backs up her eldest son, who previously claimed that his father has issues with alcoholism, which the Mötley Crüe rocker has denied.

"For the record. I have made NO comment anywhere to anyone before this -- beware of tabloid gossip," Pamela's statement begins. "This is a matter of life and death. I am surreally calm -- I feel justice is at work. I am not frantic or 'as reported' -- devastated. I am hopeful -- this is not new to us."

"I am staying in France for the moment. I have complete faith in Brandon and his team to resolve this unfortunate and sad situation regarding his father. I pray Tommy gets the help he needs," the statement continues. "His actions are desperate and humiliating -- he is a disaster spinning out of control and he is not acting like a father."

Pamela continues on, claiming that "this is nothing new," and that Brandon and their other son, 20-year-old Dylan Jagger Lee, have made "every attempt to help" their dad in recent months, by staying with him to "make sure he's OK."

"Just by being present with him they were hoping he’d feel loved and act differently," Pamela says in the statement. "I feared things might escalate. But -- knew this might be what it took to heal old wounds. Him blaming his son or us for anything is delusional. We have all tried to protect him and help him for too long. Hoping he’d look after himself better. I do not like to comment about this. But feel like it's necessary because of Tommy's 'Trump style,' no thought out rampage on Twitter and [Instagram]. This matter is ideally between just a father and a son -- and rehab if the stars align."

Pamela alleges that Tommy has made attempts to contact her, but she blocked him. She also says that she will never talk to Tommy again until he "is sober and in his right mind."

"It is impossible to reason with crazy. I’m sure the world can see the truth," she continues in the statement. "I stand beside my son who acted out of self defense and was scared for his life. Nobody understands the lifetime of disappointment this man has brought our family. Consistently the centre of sadness, drama and confusion. Jealous of his sons talent and beauty from the day they were born."

Pamela also claims that Tommy is "sick," the "definition of narcissist/sociopath," and that his fiancee, Brittany Furlan, "keeps him drunk."

"This is what he wants -- someone to behave badly with," Pamela alleges. "It’s terrible and unfortunately he has made this private matter very public. I have always tried only to set record straight. Trying to paint him as not a bad guy. Just one who is human and made mistakes. He still cannot handle the guilt about his abusive behavior and has never taken responsibility for what he has done. Let’s hope this will be his saving grace. I can only pray for him. And protect my sons. Who also fiercely protect me."

Read the rest of Pamela's statement, below:

"Brandon has asked me to stay in France and not come home right now. He is happy and content that I am safe and loved where I am at - He has invaluable support and has everything under control. His heart amazes me. He still does not want to see his dad in Jail. He just wants him to get sober. He was putting together an Intervention (along with friends and people Tommy works with and admired). So that whatever is left of his life can be healthy and peaceful and maybe he will be a healthy part of their lives one day. Maybe a positive part of our future grandkids life. Brandon has risked everything to save his father. He takes his career very seriously. He does not touch alcohol or drugs - (he understands his genetics) and is an example to many. He is a tremendous talent that will show the world- But he has put all on hold for dealing with this. His family - his brother and our family is his priority.

Believe me. He punched him in the nose for all of us who he has hurt - Now Tommy feels humiliated - and is attempting to destroy his own son. This is the Devil - This is the disease of alcoholism."

As ET previously reported, Tommy shared a since-deleted photo of his bloodied face via Instagram on Tuesday, alleging that Brandon had assaulted him. A Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department officer told ET that police responded to the 55-year-old rocker's Calabasas, California, home on Monday, and Tommy was transported to a local hospital shortly after. The officer noted that when police arrived, Tommy had a visible injury on his face. ET has learned that nobody was taken into custody, but according to police, Tommy stated that he planned to press charges.

Tommy's fiancee, Brittany, alleged in the 911 call obtained by ET on Wednesday that Tommy was unconscious and bleeding "in his mouth" after Brandon allegedly punched him following a disagreement involving Pamela. Brittany also alleged that Brandon had guns in his room, which "freaked" her out. However, at about four minutes into the call, Brittany told the operator that Tommy had started to regain consciousness, asking if they could "cancel" the request.

Brandon claimed in a statement to People on Wednesday that the altercation was "a result of my father’s alcoholism." Tommy denied those allegations via Twitter, writing, "LMAAAO!!!! I’m happier than I've been in my entire life. I have a few drinks here & there because I'm f**kin retired and enjoying my life. I worked 30+ f**kin years I deserve it. You didn't arrange any intervention, you barely spoke to me while u were here. Just coverin ur a**!!."

ET has reached out to Tommy's manager, Pamela's rep, Brandon's publicist and Brittany for comment.

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