#that’s ok! I feel kinda sad about it still but
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we got three four-hour stretches! the midnight feed was challenging as he peed all over himself mid-diaper change and was utterly inconsolable about it for five solid minutes after 😂 however we all survived this harrowing experience and slept soundly afterwards. he’s doing a great job now of soothing himself back to sleep after a feed which was such a struggle in the early weeks. hm okay my parents are back in town tonight so most of my goals today are house chores.
the day:
fold and put away clean laundry x 1
fold and put away clean laundry x 2
take dirty laundry downstairs
showerrr and do a hair mask
pick up mail
fill out forms to mail
wash bottles
meal plan
place grocery order
change sheets
5 min tidy kitchen
5 min tidy living room
make formula
make enchiladas
grocery pickup
visit liz
walk dogs (stroller or carrier walk)
finish reading this very long fic?? or put a significant dent in it anyway
#daily processing#he is five weeks tomorrow#my goal was to make it to six weeks of pumping and then reassess#it’s hard because he’s finally learning how to latch#but I’m just not producing enough to justify triple feeding (pumping + bottle + bf’ing)#so I think I’ll keep pumping 3-4x/day until six weeks next Monday#and then I’ll go down to one morning pump and will continue to let him latch as he shows interest#but I suspect my supply will dry up fast since it’s so low already#that’s ok! I feel kinda sad about it still but#I don’t think it matters that much in the grand scheme of things
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Mike and Will - Blowing Smoke by Gracie Abrams, Will POV
@best-thing-at-this-party per your request, I am getting through this album. I know this isn't the specific song you requested but I heard it and had to stop and make an edit to this one first.
@your-local-bi-guy @imatotallynormalteengirlok @throne-of-crows
lmk if I should add anyone to the tag list!
#This kinda became a 'Will knows' edit but I'm okay with it. Definitely made it the easiest of my Will edits.#the ever looming question#does he know what he gave up?#because i know he knows they're only still together because of him#he'll only let him know it to be sad about it but he does know that he did this#but does he know?#did he see his smile?#did any part of him know?#will byers#byler edit#my edits#stranger things#byler#also kinda creating a my edits or at least gracie abrams edits cinematic universe#bc in mike's pov 'i might not feel real but it's ok' is the same clip as 'you feel nothing and yet you still let her' so#:)#honestly this is almost more of like an omniscient edit#will knows
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hmmmm mal du pays thoughts tonight
#radio rambles#i should go to bed but. it is on the mind#isat spoilers#<- for the . wall of tags to come#imm wondering what most people hc mdp to like. be#i know its most popular to see it as siffrins sadness. i do think thats p neat#and probably the intention#but im. juggling around the idea of? siffrin system moment? mdp as a headmate? if yall see that vision?#most inspired by that ‘do u hc this character as a system’ post abt siffrin#and i voted no then but now im like genuinely changing my mind JFKFKF#it makes sense in a way. and into my mdp hc that it. wouldve split while sif was very young#splitting due to stress which leads to a lot of. gestures vaguely. mdp’s whole thing#a mix of stress but also this sense of longing to. belong somewhere. to not be alone#many years ago it was about the loss of their home. and much later on became more related to its feelings towards their family#mdp is a scared child to me . idk about yalls hcs for it but thats what im sticking to#a scared child who maybe grew up a little alongside the body. but still Young and Scared#its not as often or eager to front as siffrin is. i can imagine it being much more hover-y or . POSSIBLY. cohosting if its feeling up to it#uhm. ok well#so i typed this out and now im actually really sad about mdp jgkdkf where is mdp recovery#now im kinda thinking about it fronting for once to properly meet the party and. and receiving comfort. and and and#wow christ im upset#also also glancing over at marias sibling au for character dynamics here….. sillies…..#ps not relevant to my mdp thoughts but fyi im imagining siffin in headspace looks very much like their body#the difference being. much darker clothes. more stars etc. maybe different hair#think like how a lot of ppl style their human loops. thats kinda how i imagine sif in headspace#SPEAKING OF LOOP#i think given the time he spent with them it woulf make sense if they split a loop as well#and ofc other members of the party jgkfkf#im not gonna get into my hcs there because ill b taking away from my mdp hc post BUT#thinking. always thinking
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"true partner" click here for the uquiz created by @/niconicomuda on twitter
#morphomon#digimon#this was trending on twt a good few weeks ago#ofc me being me i wasn't there and only learned abt it bc a friend dm'd me about it lol#anyway i am very happy to get morphomon. though...#advanced apology for personal irl rambling that may be tmi ahead. and cw: death of family member#so like. i feel it turns out to be some life foreshadowing bc around a week later (which is last week btw) my maternal grandma passed#idk about u but if you know the symbolism of butterfly and morpho particularly. it's about change and rebirth and all that stuff#the funeral home we spent a few days in had the morpho butterfly as its logo. i couldn't stop thinking about it#so despite the sadness it's like idk. a tiny bit of hope i guess?#my grandma won't have to be in pain anymore#all the stuff is done by last saturday so everyone's back to their normal lives like it or not#still grieving a bit while at the same time being kinda ok. well it is how it is...#png#gif
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sighs heavily
#not surprised this time but still very disappointing regardless#it sucks cuz i have a sappy post about fob drafted that i was gonna post after the show since this could be the last show of this era#(drafted a few days ago. in preparation. cuz i was already getting emotional)#and now i’m like ok this is kinda souring that energy i have in that post. i’m just sad#and by the way. “you dont need to fuck ppl over to survive” shirt last night into going on stage with cobra again is crazy work#but whatever. great#like complicated feelings r def present cuz i love fob so wholly but this suckssssssssss
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#ok im making one more dot post and then i am (hopefully) getting off tumblr and going to bed#liam payne#death#i do suggest not reading tbh because its just gonna be waffle. anyways#ive distanced myself from the boys for years for a multitude of reasons. mainly that they did things that disappointed me and i realised the#way i was attatched to them was unhealthy. so for the most part i listened and enjoyed the music and didnt pay Much attention to anything#else. and like liam. i always liked him in the band days because to me he was the underdog. the underappreciated and probs less stanned one#out of all of them. and when youre a fan i do feel like a lot of us just wanted them all to be appreciated. idk. but anyways yeah i did feel#for him. due to him backgroud growing up. his talent. etc etc. even though he wasnt my fav. and even when he did something wrong my teenage#self still defended him like my life depended on it. (embarassing) anyways. his solo music while it was not my fav i still occasionally#enjoyed. its just over produced pop like it was fine and i found it fun. in terms of him as an actual person by this point in his career i#didnt pay attention to him or the others that much anymore#and like. yeah as of recently as more stuff came out about him being kinda weird and rude and abusive 🙃🙃🙃 that was kind of the final#straw for me! like in terms of me giving a fuck about him. if he eventually came around cool but i wasnt gonna wait around for it.#god this whole thing feels so dramatic but i need to get it oit or i Know i will not be at peace lmao anyways#so yeah come to hearing about his death which. i hear about because of trin lovell on twitter like. shsvshs. anyways my reaction was#disbelief and just... nothing? like i said in my brain i had just disregarded him honestly. and even now i still just feel speechless.#to summarise my feelings. fuck him for how he treated his ex and probably other women as well. but also. he was my boy. he'll always be a#part of me. and it feels weird that hes just. gone. he suffered a lot with addiction and pressures etc and its just. sad that hes gone now.#that he never got to get better. and he wont get the chance to. im sad for his family. and anyone else thats gonna be affected by this#im always gonna remember him.#and thats all i have to say. honestly part of me feels SO dramatic for even typing all this out but here we are.#if anyone has read this far and wants someone to talk to im more than happy. and also just wanna make clear that i am fine#le text post
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i miss her…
#cant believe i forgot about her till the photobook q&a im so sorry witch mona~~~~~~~#press f for honeypre atelier gachas it was gone too soon™️#(currently e x t r e m e l y worried and stressed for tomorrow like never before b u t i have to appear like im fine sobs save me monachann)#(can i go on a stress-prompted tangent here about something inane? no? toooo bad im gonna go off anyway~~~~)#ok so. like. since witch mona is the image i have up ‘ere and since it’s still 七月… today’s tangent will be on irl spooky stories!!#s o. presenting a decently repressed memory from my childhood that resurfaced while i was hibernating at home:#anyways. well. thoughts about the afterlife can vary from person to person yes? there’s no one true correct belief after all#but the one question that unites us all is probably the one and only ‘are ghosts real?’#and well. for personal reasons i think so. i mean i’ve seen this one dude i hate get possessed a couple of times so welp. cant deny it ig.#wild story about that actually. back in the day my family’s finances were allegedly doing so badly that [dude i hate] had to pick up#a *c e r t a i n* side hustle for extra cash. that side hustle? literal grave digging at the cemetary. at night no less#and *ofc* he wasn’t respectful about it in the least so ofc some spirits followed him home. yay. free roommates.#one(?) of them even took residence in my room at the time and im 80% sure they ate my history textbook :( much sads#anyways well once that guy had too much to drink (which was rather often tbh) he’d get possessed. fun!#the only possession i ever saw was the n-rarity angry ghost who’d just huff and puff in silence with unfocused eyes most of the time#he’d occasionally put on a leather jacket too. but that was like a r-rarity event that didn’t happen that often#my mother had the chance to also witness the mosquito (who tried to barge into my room for fresh blood) and the 姑娘 (self-explanatory)#which is kinda unfair tbh. i wanted to see the ur-rarity ones too :( mostly bc it’d be funny to see a guy i hate act ooc (impure intentions)#oh right. how did we get the dude out of his possession? we just shook his arm really hard. prolly caused some lasting effects but who know#i think he could also just sleep off the possession but idk i was asleep for the ur-rarity incidents.#cant ask the one witness of it bc i dont want to bring back unnecessary flashbacks of [guy we hate]#anyways it’s been years since we moved out from that place and i still want my history textbook back. mostly for the principle of it but—#and so that’s the tangent of the day. i feel weirdly less stressed now thanks witch mona#i do wonder how my grandparents are faring on this 七月 though…#b u t !!!!! tomorrow’s date on the lunar calendar says it’s an auspicious day for wishful activity and starting a new job!!! so… maybe~~~~?#hauauauauauauauuauaaaaaa anyways insane tangent over stream mona’s new album ok bye#oops forgor to disable rbs i hate how easy it is to forget to use this function man
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scribbly amphibbies
bonus christmas garfapillar
#amphibia#marcy's journal spoilers#kinda#syrass#im too embarrassed to talk more about my post amphibia anne ideas#but a little bit of it#it's like around when she starts drifting from sasha and marce but also realizing what she wants to do in life#hence the froggies#but she becomes like a local cryptid#there's still lingering effects of her powers but she feels she's grown too distant from the only people she can talk to about it to even br#ing it up so she tries to deal with it on her own#i dont want it to be all angsty but it is a good bit and i dont have all the details but yeah#anyway unrelated but my best marcys are the fucked up ones#which i dont like perpetuating no because i think it's bad but because i think marcy would not react super uhhh sad? idk how to word it#she'd be more avoidant and play it off i think and not so much fall back on depression as just sad melancholy that she'd then turn to#some kind of positivity i think idk she's an excited kid and nd you know#ok thats the most ive talked about anything in a while time to shut up again goodbye#also thanks for everyone who bought garfapillar stickers i hope you like them <3
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I really want Christmas season to feel like Christmas season again this year. it hasn't for a couple years, I've kinda breezed right through it, but I want to try and focus on it this year.
#and if that person who's like 'holidays don't feel special when you're an adult#because you're supposed to have kids to watch experience the wonder of it all but instead you just have a dog and a sad void''#shows up on this post I swear to God I'm blocking them#that post made me so angry? like what the heck man I#I am single and happy. I don't have a dog and a sad void I have a dog and am full of joy#and I can be intentional about enjoying a season whether or not I have kids (which I never want to btw)???#I know that post is kinda old and some of you probably know the person who made that comment#nothing against them tbh it was just phrased really confrontationally and kinda frustrated me#there's not only one right way to live a life.... if I don't ever have kids I can still enjoy holidays as an adult??? hello??#ok sorry hater moment over I'm gonna be joyful now#Lu rambles
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different anon here, i came here wanting to clarify something but i saw that your reply took the words out of my mouth HAHAH it's funny seeing some of us shippers sharing the same braincells and having similar opinions. love this small community but i hope it gets bigger (wake tf up people!!! are 15 consecutive canon suspicious homoerotic chapters not enough for people on the international jjk fandom to finally start shipping them?!)
the something being that i don't sense any malicious hateful intent coming from either gojo or sukuna. this is a rare enemies/rivals trope imo. like their whole theme is about teaching love and trying to maybe come to a mutual understanding despite fate cruelly putting them on the opposite sides, as they are really just different sides of the same coin. and that's one of the many reasons why i love this pairing. it's not easy to find a non-toxic enemies/rivals dynamic portrayal in media so i'm glad that jjk is an exception.
p/s: i'm an extremely introverted person so unfortunately i won't have the social battery to continue this conversation, but thanks for reading my ask! i really want to interact more with my people bc yall are lovely and have great tastes but socializing drains me so much
YES YES ANON, they really don't hate each other at all. one thing i was thinking about is how gojo doesn't seem to think of sukuna as this malicious Evil thing that other sorcerers (rightfully) make him out to be. he... really hasn't been shown to harbor any ill feelings towards sukuna, even after all he's done.
and their fight is playful, they're playing, they're having fun, it's recreation. sure the fate of the world is at stake here, but that's not what it's about for them at all.
there's not hate, not even dislike, it's simply. well to steal canon's words. love. an overwhelming sense of pleasure, of satisfaction, of fulfillment.
and i LOVE that u mention "despite fate cruelly putting them on the opposite sides" bc YEAH YEAH, that's part of the tragedy of them. there's too many factors outside their own personal satisfaction at play.
and i think there is also a bit of a paradox in there. they're looking for someone with whom to share that solitude that comes at the lonely top. but... that's something i don't think to be possible. sure they're equals, that's the thing, but at the same time, their existences clash just by definition. bc there can't be two strongest. there can only be one.
both can't live at the same time. if one lives, the other can't live by definition.
no one understands them bc they're the strongest, but once they find someone who might be able to—and who does—dont they stop being the strongest?
#sukugojo.post#(but also scratch all that. we are not gonna think about that bc if either of them die i will be inconsolable they can't fucking die bc tha#would make me. incredibly sad. OTL)#gege should just have them marry each other. why can't they just be TWO strongest why the fuck not. The Strongest husbands.#a true power couple#got kinda sidetracked there haha but yeah! i feel we all just a share a collective braincell that gets passed around hkdfjhsd#'are 15 consecutive canon suspicious homoerotic chapters not enough for people to finally start shipping them?!' SAY ITTTTTTTTTT#and i think what sets them apart is that they're rivals on OPPOSITE sides who are not laden with hate.#bc there's a clear cut good-evil dichotomy. we have the good guys and bad guys who are against each other and whose goal is to stop e/o#sukugo are on opposite sides but still hold no sense of hate or disdain or anything for each other.#there's simply regard and expectation and (i'm sorry for saying it all the fucking time but it's true) love.#dhsjfdfs it's almost like they operate on a completely different plane to the others (which well yeah they kinda do as the strongest)#they don't particularly care about that whole thing.#they only care about their position as strongest and what the other can give them in regards to that#jjk#sukugo#gosuku#u know i mentioned once in a post i made in my main blog how gojo only speaks of sukuna in a cheerful reverent way#which was half just me being shippy but this made me think about that#bc ok that could be said to be simply his way of being BUT we DO see gojo show disdain for people he dislikes. very clearly.#he speaks super ill of the jujutsu world higher ups. but he doesn't ever extend that dislike to sukuna#who's u know. the Embodiment of Evil#while gojo may be an outwardly cheery person when he doesn't like u. u WILL know. he's actually quite honest there#and he shows respect for sukuna. considers it an honor to be sukuna's rival.#(tho he IS still a fucking brat <3)#god sorry i will shut up now cshfhaskdjsakffs#alas!!! it's really alright anon i totally get it. u dont have to answer. that's kinda the great thing about asks haha c:#but if u ever wanna talk more about them well the askbox is always open :D#GONNA END THIS BY SAYIGN THAT I AM SCARED I AM NERVOUS ABOUT THE NEXT CHAPTER AAAHHHHHHHH
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printed-out private fanfic collections my beloved
#that's it. that's the post#do I sometimes feel guilty for having a bunch of fic printed out? yeah. idk if it's morally grey or wrong or ok these days#it started out as necessity because I didn't have a computer of my own and reading queer fic wasn't sth you could be too open about#(though I guess using up my dad's scrap paper piles that had math equations on one side may not have been the most inconspicuous)#anyway. sometimes I'll remember a story and I know I will be able to find it because my idiot teen self printed it out and filed it away#and sometimes it turns out you can't find that fic on ao3 because it's ffnet only. and worse sometimes it no longer exists online at all#and that makes me sad. but knowing someone deleted it and I still have a bootleg copy makes me feel guilty#so I guess I'm just stuck in this dual state#I think it beats the lingering sadness of wanting to reread a very specific story that's ingrained in your very being..#..and finding there is not a trace of it anywhere online#like. I KNOW that I read a Myka/Claudia story that had them holed up in a cabin somewhere hiding from some terrifying dude of sorts#(not that I remember the details) I just remember there being a lake and it being the story that got me into WH13#which.. was a fucking blessing. and I searched all of the place for that story years later#went through most of the Myka/Claudia fic and yet never found it again. and nobody I asked remembered it either#so maybe I dreamed it up? but I kinda doubt it. ANYWAY sometimes a fic filed away in an old folder is what saves your sanity
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#we joke about fanfic authors deeply researching the smallest details to make fics accurate#which is true and i have done many times (i could tell you the history of yankees baseball caps. i do not care about yankees baseball caps)#but . idk . maybe we stress over the smallest details bc when we dont. we get comments criticizing us 🤪#for being linguistically inaccurate once (1) in a cute silly lil fanfic . oops#and as i am typing this i am telling myself its a silly lil fanfic and its not that deep but#idk. im always kinda nervous to read comments bc im like what if they call me a stupid untalented idiot#but then i mostly get nice comments. so i try to remind myself. people are nice#but im still always a little nervous. and then its a whole paragraph about one thing i messed up in 1k words 💀#like ok! now im kinda sad! now i feel kinda bad about myself! now im kinda embarrassed!#what are you trying to achieve by criticizing fanfic sorry 😭😭
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i hope my friends never get the feeling that they need to have something important to say to be able to talk to me
#marble musings#its just like#an awful feeling#had someone i knew who kinda just like ignored my attempts to make conversation bc im like. not good at talking to people#and i was really sad bc i just wanted to like. enjoy her company#and ive been told by a couple people that they thought i was kinda intimidating???#which is so funny to me bc im like SO scared to talk to people#anyway yeah you dont have to like#say something important or anything#if you dont want to#i mean im like actual shit at small talk but ill still try my best if you just say like 'hi' and wanna start a conversation#(ugh unless youre the kind of person who shuts down small talk questions i cannot deal with that.#there was someone i talked to who i was like asking questions to bc i wanted to like keep the conversation going bc i like. think thats wha#they wanted#but id say like 'hows school' or 'whats a fun fact about yourself' and theyd just give like one word answers which is alright but if you#wanna hold a proper conversation that doesnt really work#and when they answered the questions they didnt throw it back to me like 'how bout you' or something#theyd just. sit there#and i was like#damn ok should i like ask another question?#but i felt like they were trying to hint to me that they didnt wanna talk so i stopped talking#and they were fucking like 'awkwarrrd'#like DO YOU WANT ME TO TALK OR NOT)#ok sorry that was a really long tangent#i prommy im always happy to talk unless youre like a super rare exception (like 2 people ever)#in which case i will try to make it clear im not in the mood to talk or youre like making me uncomfortable or something#ok thats it#have a nice day#:)
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The fact that Abel believes humans and vampires are all God's children is such an interesting detail. Like Abel has enough guilt already, but the fact that he doesn't see vampires as soulless beings just seems like it would add additional layers of guilt to him.
#ok i get that he can survive without vampire blood#although that is never satisfactorily explained... maybe the answer is in the books which i really need to read#and he also only ever feeds on evil vampires#but i still wonder if he feels sadness because they won't get a second chance because i feel like second chances are important to him#like his whole shtick is that he is penitent of his past sins so i feel like he probably regrets taking that chance away from others#but at the same time i think he also knows that he's doing the right thing which is probably a little bit comforting#there's just something sad and poetic about his acts of penance making him more guilty#it kinda drives home the idea in the Bible that your good deeds are as rags and salvation is only by the grace of God#trinity blood#abel nightroad#film analysis
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GIRL HELP WDYM I REACHED 30 TAGS??????? OMG???? I WASN'T EVEN DONE YET
ANYWAYS 31st: and that compared to a relationship where the communication lines are basically none or very fucking weak then yeah it is an upgrade I think. Idfk I was never in a relationship I'm just picking from the ones I've seen in my life
#it's like that one image i saw#under read more too bc i don't wanna get jumpscared#anyways i wanted to say#one thing is that I've been kinda into hlevpeka (how do you even call that?) for like. 2 years? 3?#it's just that it kinda fell off for me once i started thinking about the possibilities of hlevteo (which was around the end of 2023 so)#but ig the myth hunt trio as a whole is kinda making me pick it back#definitely the most underdeveloped out of the 3 tho. i have no idea what could lead to the same guy have weird shit going on with himself#well probably it is a want to learn about himself or something#they were separate for a good while so ig they wanna pick things back and learn together#what makes them them and what they like for themselves#and who can know you better than yourself (?) idk it's weird i need a good excuse still#anywayyyyys#I've also been thinking about something for hlevteo#like bc i want it to have significant differences over teopeka (healthier ones at that) and i think one of them would be like. transparency#and sincerity and “truth” (if you really wanna tie it back to myth hunting)#bc i feel they'd reach a point where they like. can be open with each other right#and i feel that'd amount to like. knowing stuff nobody else does#like teo would tell hlev like. oh yeah me and peka have been around for almost a decade now. yeah it was a very weird thing for those times#i think the reason why im even here with you is bc you remind me of him. ig i just gravitate towards you#and hlev would be like yeah dw it's fine. y'know you also kinda remind me of someone. of like- oh that's gonna be weird to explain#and then he explains to her the whole. Thing. about being a protagonist#and she'd be like “oh huh well alright. that's one more existencial crisis for me. anyways what does that have to do with anything#and he'd be like “yeah ok so the reason why i think im also around you is bc of the power dynamic(?) we have#like you're my boss still and i honestly like that? I think all those years of feeling helpless and powerless have kinda taken a toll on me#and she'd be like “oh huh alright i guess that makes sense. that's kinda sad tho”#(heavy projecting there with That Man™ but it's whatever)#anyways what im trying to say it's that like. it's not that the motives behind the attraction are healthier?#it's moreso the fact they explained them at length to each other that kinda is? bc then they can work from there right?#like they can like. at minimum make them not devolve into something obnoxiously bad
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I'm like. 99.5% ok about the breakup but boy that 0.5% sneaks up on ya
#red said#i just. i want to Tell Everyone for some reason. like that will help somehow.#there isn't anything to tell except 'we broke up' and i am not enjoying followup questions like 'are you ok'#bc again like. kinda yeah. also no. but mostly yeah#had a nice time with my friend Monday night cause they skated over the 'are you ok' fairly fast and we were able to Actually Talk About It#but like. there isn't. a good story. i don't know what to do with this feeling.#i don't want a shoulder to cry on cause I'm not that kind of sad#i don't want to be like I WANT THEM BACK cause i recognise that this was the right decision#I'm not. angry at them. and i don't particularly want to be. and that's tricky#cause this is the first time I've broken up with someone I've not felt a particular need to be angry at#i still like them i still want to be friends i think they fucked up in some places but i also don't think it was them being shitty#and we've closed it out we've done what needed done so it doesn't need dissecting angrily#but like if i don't want sympathy and i don't want anger i don't know what i DO want?#other than. i want to talk to them. i want to fastforward to the point where we can be friends#and that's not a want that can or should be met just now#so. ????????????.
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