#that’s not an inevitability to defend a character’s actions against. That’s a choice made by people sitting in a room

[garr9988]

Late late tired brain ranting, maybe I’ll change my mind in the morning.

X-Men et al stories inherently fail at trying to tell stories of overcoming marginalization, oppression, and genocide specifically because they’re being told at the same time as the issues they’re allegorizing.

If no actionable solutions can be thought of or taken in real life, then there’s no solution from the “good” or “evil” side that actually works because it hasn’t been done yet. And writers may choose to give backing to the wrong side, intentionally or otherwise, leaving audiences to genuinely sympathize with and support equally awful causes and actions.

Not to mention the other inherent flaw of such stories: a happy conclusion can literally never be reached. It can’t ever be narratively satisfying because they’re being told in perpetuity (to rake in forever money). If they work towards an idealized utopia, they’ll either fail before getting there or the utopia will be torn down eventually.

Even in a short form story with an eventual end point like a televised series may come off poorly with whatever solution it ends at. It may be too preachy or seen as naive for being something ideal and happy. It may be terribly written by advocating for a bad solution it misconstrues as viable.

I don’t know how much of this makes sense. Comic books and stories based on them are inherently unsatisfying and prone to being ruined sooner or later by their own format. And some stories they tell that deal with ongoing real life struggles are often guaranteed to turn out extremely shitty because, unfortunately, there’s no solution they could provide that feels good enough because none of their solutions are being implemented irl. If they were then they wouldn’t be told at the same time as the very struggles they depict.

[gojuo]

what are your thoughts on the theory that Aegon killed himself with poison?

100% am a proponent of it and actually have been trying to push the agenda as canon since S1 :ppp bc F&B-canon is obviously that Corlys and Larys poisoned him, there's really no way to spin it as something else in the book HOWEVER the tragedy of all the Targtowers and Aegon's tragedy as the big bro of the family and as Alicent's first and last son is sooooo much more emotional and poetic to me if he decided to commit suicide rather than getting murdered. There is something so beautiful and heartbreaking to me about how all of the Targtowers died alone and separated from each other (this is why them loving each other actually like in the book is so important to me and why Condal making the changes he's made pisses me off beyond belief).

The two youngest brothers die fighting to defend their big brother and the two oldest who are married to each other commit suicide... There is just something so delicious about that like... Aemond seeks to redeem himself by defeating Daemon for his big brother because his actions have caused the chain of events that ended up in Jaehaerys' death and he is overwhelmed by guilt for it, thinking he could set things right by killing the killer, completely unable to face his family anymore, and eventually dies trying, and Daeron carves a path of war and vengeance through the Reach in order to return to King's Landing and save his family, consumed by guilt over not being able to save Maelor, his big brother's baby, who was on his way to him yet he dies in the process, not having reunited with his family in years.... And then you have the two oldest siblings who are married to each other against their will and are the only two people in the world to understand what the other is going through... What ache is, what grief is, what it did to them... They are the only ones to understand the other. Then King's Landing falls and Helaena is all alone in the world, separated from her entire family in a lonely castle. Her sons are dead, her girl is missing, her mother is in the dungeons, her brothers are all gone and she is alone in King's Landing. The pain and the loss and the loneliness is too much to bear, it hurts too much to live, so she decides to kill herself in the end. And then Aegon, who has been alone and separated from the entire world and his entire family on a lonely island for six months returns to King's Landing, to both of his sons slaughtered, his girl faraway, his mother a shadow, his dragon gone, his sister dead, and his brothers dead. They all died for him and the crown their mother put upon his head. He's returned but only to an empty house. He is all alone in King's Landing. He is more ghost than person at this point. The pain and the loss and the loneliness is too much to bear, it hurts too much to live, so he decides to kill himself in the end.

And that is Alicent's tragedy. That's her humbling, her karmic justice, her comeuppance. The two children she forced the crown upon in order to save them from their inevitable fate make the decision to end their lives. She's lost almost everyone by this point already, Gwayne, Otto, Criston, Jaehaerys, Maelor, Helaena, Aemond and Daeron, they are all gone but Aegon, her first baby, remains. Her last hope and her last love. And even that isn't enough because the loss is too great for him to swallow. So in the end, he leaves her too. By choice. That is her punishment.

To me, this is parallels, this is connections, this is themes and tragedy and satisfying character conclusions. THIS IS CINEMA.

[winter-sol]

Spoilers for Lesson 11!

About Solomon, MC and their relationship with demons.

There's this pretty interesting thing I noticed about Solomon's perspective compared to MC's when it comes to their vision towards demons.

Solomon made clear he sees demons and angels as creatures that underestimate humans and won't ever treat us as equals. I don't actually blame him for this, as he is not even wrong. We've seen them call us "mere humans" or belittle us for being humans in both games. So his approach to demons is mostly from a utilitarian and confrontational point of view.

He needs to prove humans can be equal or surprass them, and for that, he's willing to do anything. He's willing to use demons, become more powerful and defend humanity above anything else. He was even teaching MC his way of dealing with demons, as in "leveling the playing field" to face them because "When it comes down to it, that's what negotiating with demons is all about, really".

He then proceeds to talk about how he plans on changing that, and to almost manipulating us into making a promise about siding with humanity no matter what. That, in a place that probably binds us to said promise or something like that. It was... shady, but if anything I got even more intrigued about his intentions. (as a Solomon enjoyer, I'm living for how his character keeps getting more complex).

Then we have MC.

See, I'm really curious about how this game will deliver its promise about making choices matter because if there's an intereting branch in this game, it's probably about MC either siding with humanity/Solomon, or the demons they love so much.

No matter what we choose in L11, MC will end up handing out the grimoire out of their own will, and making a promise on either protecting them or letting them find joy. And I think that speaks loud about MC's vision on demons and how it's opposing to Solomon.

MC refuses to see demons as potential enemies, and their approach is not confrontational like Solomon's. It's from love and understanding.

MC was able to do something Solomon could never, and that is making a pact with the Seven Rulers of Hell, and actually gaining their trust for these powerful demons to be willing to obey them on their own will (even if, magically speaking, they are being forced). And the main difference is, MC didn't achieve it through becoming the most powerful sorcerer or taking advantage of them, like Solomon did with Asmo.

At the end of the day, the seven brothers chose to have a pact with MC, and keep choosing MC no matter what.

Solomon and MC have opposing views. They've been working as a team, but they will inevitably collide.

So, what will happen next? I'm waiting for next lesson! But for now I'd like to wonder.

I'm not sure if MC will have to deliberately choose to side with either party, since I believe MC wouldn't purposefully betray the demons because they're too important for them and already proved they're on their side. Also, I don't think MC would like to turn against Solomon, as they still trust him and need his guiding. But how long will it last?

I want to believe our choices regarding our relationship and trust in Solomon will affect the plot.

If MC is too passive and diplomatic, Solomon could end up having his way, whatever that is, since his intentions are one of the biggest mysteries of Nightbringer. I'm not necessarily trying to frame Solomon as a villain or antagonist, that still remains uncertain. But I think we can all agree he has a very important role, and that role is highly related to his ambiguous morals and actions.

If MC is too reckless, they might end up messing up with the timeline, their relationships and the demons themselves or even Solomon and humanity. (does anyone else want bad endings??)

I wonder if MC's trust in Solomon, and vice versa, will eventually break, or they'll find a way to work it out. He already seemed dissapointed at us handing out the grimoire instead of using it, as if we're already proving we don't have the same intentions he has regarding humanity and demons.

What kind of decisions should MC make in order to keep a balance between humans and demons without betraying either side?

Does MC actually care about balance, harmony and humanity's well being? Or will they only act based on their feelings, wherever that takes them?

I love Obey Me's MC, I think they hold great potential, but they've been relying on others' help a lot. It makes sense, since they've been just learning about this world and building their own way to grow and become more powerful. But I'd like to see them deciding and facing bigger consequences for their actions. And I'm dying to see how this plays out ;)

As always, I'm open to talk more about this :) Bai-bai.

[the-influx-of-film]

****The following does contain spoilers****

John Wick Chapter 4: Movie re-cap and analysis

Film directed by Chad Stahelski

Hardships of Friendships

The fourth instalment of John Wick is a culturally diverse motion picture, accompanied by a riveting storyline and an array of new characters. The action painted throughout the film is thrilling and necessarily excessive. And Keanu Reeves brings forth a captivating, energetic performance, accompanied by his cool, careful and determined demeanour. The soundtracks compliment and elevate these performances.

Throughout the film, we also delve deeper into John’s life, exploring more of his past connections with old associates and, face new challenges alongside him, especially regarding friendships.

Loyalty is tested with some friends, while loyalty is never questioned with others. Shimazu Koji, the manager of the Osaka Continental Hotel, was one of John’s friends whose loyalty we never question throughout the film. One of the quotes which stood out was actually from Koji. He said, “friendship means little when it’s convenient.” If we inverse this quote, Koji implies, friendship means a lot when it is inconvenient. It is this which is reflected in the film. John is in trouble with the High Table, and has very few loyal friends left. This is why he turns to Koji because he is desperate and knows Koji will be there to provide service and safety. Koji conveys to John that despite the bad blood he brings to Osaka, his loyalty lies with him. Koji is also quick to defend Wick when his daughter warns him of John’s destruction, demanding she respect the long-time connection between her father and his old friend. Here, the audience identifies Koji as a trustworthy character whose only motivation is keeping an old friend alive and helping him in his journey to freedom. We know this because John doesn’t hold a marker up against Koji. Koji’s loyalty to John contrasts to the actions portrayed by some other characters in the film.

On the other hand, loyalty is tested between old friends. The Marquis Vincent de Gramont, who represents the High Table, is responsible for this occurring in the film. The Marquis is a smart, but evil character, who does everything in his power to stop John’s antics and regain order within the underworld. In this case, he employs Caine, an old associate, and friend, of John Wick to make a difficult choice. Vincent discovers a weakness here and takes advantage, encouraging Caine to choose between killing John or, the High Table murdering Caine’s daughter. The audience senses Caine’s hesitancy when he finds out who he needs to kill, but accepts the job. Like John, Caine is also forced back into a world he once also left. Also like John, Caine is a fantastic fighter, even with the added disadvantage of being blind. Despite them being pinned against each other, they ultimately work together to kill the Marquis de Gramont, even if it was unintentional. John didn’t end up shooting his last bullet because Caine shot his bullet first, injuring John quite badly, causing his inevitable death. However, before John dies, Marquis stepped in to shoot John, John still had a bullet, shooting the Marquis and hence Caine was free and his daughter now safe. So, John also played a role in sacrificing his life for Caine when the Marquis decided to step in, ego and all. This interpretation was confirmed by Chad Stahelski himself in an interview, according to Screen Rant: https://screenrant.com/john-wick-chapter-4-director-chad-stahelski-interview/

Perhaps John made this sacrifice because he knows the power of loving another human being, and how that love motivates you to be a better person. Hence why he ultimately didn’t want to rob Caine of experiencing that love, or his daughter losing it. This contrasts to Akira who loses her father, by the hands of Caine, who is seen attempting to seek revenge in the final scene of the film. But this is another can of worms with the potential of further exploration.

The themes friendship, consequences and death go hand-in-hand in this film. Friendship and the loss of that are set up at the beginning of the film when Charon is murdered by the Marquis in front of Winston. Charon always remained on the sideline amongst the chaos in the hitman world. However, was a consistently loyal friend to Winston and John. Charon also brought a sense of calm to the films, whenever John entered the lobby. He looked after John’s dog at one stage and helped fight against the High Table when it was announced as deconsecrated. Throughout the franchise, the audience has grown fond of his respectable and humble manner as well. This is yet another loss John has to endue while he continues to grieve the loss of his wife, Helen. So, this isn’t the first time things have become personal for John, but it is the first time a friend has died for John’s actions. Don’t forget Winston’s beloved Continental Hotel getting bombed down by the Marquis too. It is here where the audience understands that this might be the time John is forced to stop and evaluate; meeting his fate from the High Table. Charon’s death casts a dim light on John’s future, as John and the audience are left hurt when he is sacrificed. So, despite the sheer will John has exhibited throughout the franchise, he may be incapable of going any further.  

The ideas of friend and enemy are blurred in this film, and at times conflate to represent the never-ending chaos in the underworld. John and Caine’s friendship has reached an unforeseen tragedy, being pinned against each other but, they have similar motivations because they are fighting for the ones they love, Caine fighting for his daughter’s life, and John fighting to live to remember his wife. Some friendships are less complicated in the film, like the one between John and Koji, while others are tragically taken away from us. The loss of Charon was a shock to us all. RIP Charon… and Lance. 

[lryghe]

MDZS thoughts; loyalty and insecurity

a quick look into Jiang Cheng and Yi Ziyuan

Yi Ziyuan is a very compelling character (to me at least). On the surface, she appears brash and violent, seeming to not care about people. But the undeniable truth is that Yi Ziyuan is so fiercely loyal to the people of her family that she is utterly incapable of seeing people in the periphery. She defends her home until her dying breath, and when she sees her husband fall, she immediately decides that she should let go as well. Her home, Lotus Pier, and her husband, son, and daughter take up the entirety of her heart, leaving no room for anyone else. Jiang Cheng, raised almost solely by his mother, takes after her in the very ways that gave her the title ‘Violet Spider’ the symbol of her strength, and singlehandedly destroyed her marriage and fraught her home with distress, her greatest weakness. 

Jiang Cheng, much like his mother, is bound inexplicably to his clan. Jiang Cheng has always belonged to his clan, the Jiang’s, and is fiercely loyal to them. His mother is much in the same boat, her only loyalties being her children and her home, Lotus Pier. This however creates a new layer of tension between Jiang Cheng and his brother in all but blood, Wei Wuxian. Jiang Cheng can only afford to give out his loyalty to his clan and his family as he is bound to them by blood and duty as heir and future leader. Both Jiang Cheng and his mother love fiercely and all-consumingly, but where Jiang Cheng and Yi Ziyuan are limited in their devotion, Wei Wuxian is free to give his loyalty to anyone he deems worthy of it. Wei Wuxian is unobstructed in his protection of people like Lan Wangji, the Wen clan remnants, Mianmian, and so on, as he isn't bound to any one clan like his brother. This leaves Jiang Cheng in an awkward position. He loves his brother, Wei Wuxian being a central pillar in his life, but Wei Wuxian doesn’t belong to the Jiang’s like he does, which means that when Jiang Cheng has to choose between his protecting brother and living up to the expectations of his clan, he will choose his clan. Reluctantly, but the clan will always be his choice, as that’s how Yi Ziyuan taught him. Yi Ziyuan herself has a much more complex dynamic when paired with Wei Wuxian. She cares about him to a certain extent and trusts him enough to leave Jiang Cheng in his care before the burning of Lotus Pier and her subsequent death. But that trust is never enough to consider him a proper part of Lotus Pier, leaving him forever in the middle ground of ‘brother’ and ‘head disciple’. When he “acts out” Yi Ziyuan is the first to give disciplinary action and the first to call for his expulsion. This dynamic between Yi Ziyuan and Wei Wuxian once again furthers the tension between Jiang Cheng and his brother, as while Yi Ziyuan hurts his brother, Jiang Cheng is in a hopeless position. He cannot act out against his mother, as she is his family and he was raised better than to bite the hand that feeds, but Wei Wuxian is also his family, he just doesn’t belong to him in the same way Yi Ziyuan does. When Wei Wuxian inevitably starts tying himself to people who put Jiang Cheng’s Lotus Pier in jeopardy, Jiang Cheng has no choice but to cut him off. Again, reluctantly, but a choice is made, and it will always be the clan, hence the relationship between Jiang Cheng and his brother being tainted by Yi Ziyuan’s influence. 

Yi Ziyuan’s attitude problems link directly to the fact that she’s a deeply insecure woman, and she unconsciously passed down those same insecurities to her son. Yi Ziyuan’s home life was fraught with tension, her sect leader and husband Jiang Fengmian often taking a distant role as a husband and a father, and Yi Ziyuan parallels this indifference through her loud and brash behaviours, demanding the respect she feels she’s lacking in by lashing out at everyone around her. Yi Ziyuan’s attitude is often mischaracterised as a lack of empathy, but it’s heavily connected to her idea of loyalty, and the complicated dynamics of the Jiang’s plus Wei Wuxian, including Wei Wuxian’s complex relationship with Yi Ziyuan, is at the root, the fault of Jiang Fengmian. When he brought in someone who couldn’t understand loyalty like she and her son would, and he began shifting his attention to Yi Ziyuan’s perceived “outsider”, Yi Ziyuan’s reaction was to become increasingly hostile to everyone around her, especially to Wei Wuxian. As such, whether intentional or not, she passed down this sense of insecurity around Jiang Fengmian and the means of ‘righting’ it to her son. When Jiang Cheng is consistently left out of the loop in regard to any decisions involving him, parallels are easily drawn to the lack of control Yi Ziyuan had over her own home. And in true Yi Ziyuan fashion, he lashes out when faced with the ungovernable actions of those closest to him. When Wei Wuxian gifts Jiang Cheng his golden core, Jiang Cheng is entirely unaware that “Baoshan Sanren’s” handout comes at the cost of his brother, meaning that when everything is dragged into the light 13 years later, Jiang Cheng’s initial reaction is, like his mother taught him, to lash out and cut off all connection with his brother, yet again. Of course, that’s not to say that Wei Wuxian is at fault for his attempts to help his brother, rather, the biggest betrayal (and subsequent reason) comes from Yi Ziyuan herself. At the burning of Lotus Pier, although it’s certainly in character for Wei Wuxian to agree to Yi Ziyuan’s forced vow, and not misplaced for Yi Ziyuan to put Jiang Cheng in Wei Wuxian’s care, the hypocrisy of the deal is blatant. While Jiang Cheng is carted off with Zidian (another unfortunate handoff), the lack of control that Yi Ziyuan forces onto her son mimics the lack of control she felt over her relationship with Jiang Fengmian. The vow emphasises that Yi Ziyuan was never aware of her reactions, that she never once recognised her behaviours as flaws, and through that, communicated that very same conduct onto her son. 

I'm not quite sure where I wanted to go with this considering it's very clear Jiang Cheng is his mother's son, but I really wanted to talk about it.

Words: 1162 

Reading time: 4 mins 

[haggishlyhagging]

Despite [S. Weir] Mitchell's praise for Jacobi, he did not approve of women doctors. Mitchell publicized his disapproval in a fictional series titled "Characteristics," which featured a physician who discouraged a young woman from pursuing medicine on the basis that the profession made women masculine and stripped them of all their feminine qualities. Jacobi wrote to Mitchell in protest and chastised him for attributing hysteria to healthy women studying medicine. She asked: "Do you not almost inevitably get into the habit of extending to the whole sex the estimate which you justly form of the multitudes of them which absorb your professional attention?" She then defended women physicians and lamented their limited opportunities for work. For Jacobi, challenging Mitchell was a matter of correcting "bad science,' claiming credit for her work, and contesting his position on the "woman question."

Jacobi's long-term frustrations with Mitchell informed her treatment of his most famous patient, Charlotte Perkins Gilman. Gilman's story The Yellow Wallpaper (1892) has become a feminist allegory and a treatise against the problems of nineteenth-century medical practice. Gilman's novella reflected her own experience under Mitchell's care and described the road to insanity traveled by a woman undergoing the rest cure. Confined to her room and deprived of stimulation, including talking, reading, and writing, the narrator is drawn deeper into mental illness by her seclusion and what she considers the sinister patterns of the yellow wallpaper that surround her. While Mitchell's name has become synonymous with the rest cure, Gilman's name has become associated with protest against it. Her indictment of medical men like Mitchell stands in opposition to her reverence of women physicians. Whether as fictional characters or real practitioners, women doctors were heroic feminist figures in Gilman's writing and personal life. In many ways, Jacobi was a more than logical choice to take over as Gilman's physician.

In 1901, Jacobi offered to treat Gilman for her "brain trouble," years after she fled the care of S. Weir Mitchell and almost a decade after the publication of The Yellow Wallpaper: In December of that year, Gilman noted in her diary, "Call on Dr. Jacobi & state my case. She is to undertake it—her own proposition." Jacobi was eager to help Gilman because this was no ordinary case; her treatment had symbolic power, considering her very public critique of Mitchell and the rest cure. They were also "interested in the same things, both medically and politically, sharing deep concerns about the mental health of American women and the social restrictions that caused and exacerbated them." They both operated professionally from feminist standpoints, and believed in the power of work to liberate women from economic dependency on men. Influenced by socialism, they shared an organic view of society, seeing it as a collective project where all members, including women, contributed to the broader good through their work and education. The two women were also interested in the science and social implications of evolution on American civilization, particularly the vitality of (white) women for the future of the race.

Jacobi prescribed to Gilman a graduated therapeutic regimen of mental and physical training. She began with electric therapy, applying electricity to the solar plexus, a large nerve center in the abdominal cavity. To promote digestion, assimilation, and nutrition, she had Gilman drink a mixture of phosphoglycerates in wine. To "set that inert brain to work," Jacobi assigned her mental and tactile exercises that gradually increased in their complexity to "reestablish the capacity for action." Gilman started off by working with kindergarten blocks, "just building things," to regenerate her cerebral activity. She quickly moved to reading more complex books and scientific texts such as E. B. Wilson's The Cell, a text on cell theory, evolution, and inheritance. Gilman followed Jacobi's advice and returned to writing her book Human Work (1904), a book that reflected her organic vision of society. Soon after, Gilman began a program of physical exercise, joining a woman's basketball team and playing at Barnard College in New York. True to form, Jacobi's treatment of Gilman rested on a regimen of increased mental and physical stimulation.

-Carla Bittel, Mary Putnam Jacobi & The Politics of Medicine in Nineteenth-Century America.

[alicelufenia]

I 180'd so hard on the Emperor in one playthrough Alice could take flight with the spinning

Initially I thought 'well it doesn't talk like any other mind flayer, and either way it has the same goals as us'. I even was down to use the astral tadpole, and getting hype at how much power it gave. But then I decided a few hours into act 3 that I'd rather not finish my first playthrough all veiny and fucked up. So I reloaded and turned it down

And saw the 21 Wisdom check to refuse. Not a saving throw, a CHECK. I had to exert a deliberate force of will rather than reactively defend from an outside force. Even given advantage my paladin had little chance.

And upon failing the narrator's tone shifts to this SINISTER cadence as they make it clear YOU ARE NOT IN CONTROL and your very desires and decisions are being determined FOR you. Taking the astral tadpole is YOUR decision and the most important one, why would you ever do otherwise.

That was when I knew the Emperor could never be trusted.

I recalled what Minthara said about being controlled by the Absolute.*

"The tadpole... the Absolute... they work together like a drug. I did not feel I was compelled to act against my will, I felt ecstatic to serve. "Every action seemed a deliberate choice - the best choice - even though I could no more have resisted its commands than flesh can resist decay. "Even rational minds like ours cannot reject such a powerful influence. "The Absolute can make the impossible seem inevitable."

As it turns out, the tadpoles exert a similar influence. Using even one tadpole to unlock Illithid powers turns the "No way" option from just something you can pick to requiring that massive check.

Which is why it makes perfect sense that Minthara is the ONLY companion who is willing to use the astral tadpole without being convinced, gaining a ton of approval for inviting her to use it even. She's the only companion who by default starts with Illithid powers; she has grown the power of her tadpole already, and as we've seen, it's influence is real and potent. She was always going to accept the astral tadpole, and her being able to choose her reasoning for it (it will give her the power to defeat our adversaries) is just a rationalization the Emperor has allowed her to come up with, rather than controlling her outright.

That is it's idea of being trustworthy, of showing Mercy.

I guarantee she would not be so warm to using the tadpole if she hadn't already been mind jacked before. Which is why she seems so satisfied that they are rid of the tadpoles after destroying the brain. Sure she still chastises the player for giving up on that power, but she now has the choice to consider other possibilities; that it was better to remove it as a threat, that she and Tav can wage war and conquer by their own power, that they are free of the influence of would-be gods to determine their own destiny. All thoughts we know she always possessed, that always seemed to be conveniently forgotten when it came to her desire to take control of the brain.

Which makes me feel REALLY bad for any character who has gained Illithid powers and manages to pass that check. It's the mental equivalent of reading the finest of fine print, and being able to find a loophole for yourself, but seeing how screwed everyone else is. Especially if they had saved Minthara, or convinced anyone else to use them. Suddenly every decision they make that the Emperor wants them to do has to be called into question, up to and including their being saved from the nautiloid crash.

*once again proving that siding with and recruiting Minthara was the best decision I could have made for my first playthrough. 10/10 would do it again (my weekly "you should kill the Grove" propaganda post quota has now been met)

**SPOILERS for Act 3**

But this shit right here made me hate the emperor (besides the scene with Ansur)

Because what. the. fuck. You won’t allow Minsc because he won’t “aid our cause”? Nah ima have this little bromie on the team. Man I hate the emperor so much.

[itsclydebitches]

I’ve been seeing an uptick in “anti-RWDE” posts lately  — which is a phenomenon I’d like to comment on at a later date  — but for now one of them (quite unintentionally) made me realize something about the finale that I haven’t seen others discuss yet. 

So RWBYJNOR saves everyone, right? Let’s just put aside the animation for a moment  — which didn’t show any army members making it out  — as well as the forgotten side characters  — Maria, Pietro, Qrow’s group isn’t forgotten, but still left behind  — and take things on good faith here. We’ll read the finale through the thematic intention: RWBYJNOR saved “everyone” in the Kingdom of Atlas in Volume 8, deliberately contrasting them with Ironwood who was willing to sacrifice a chunk of the Kingdom in Volume 7. Forget all the messiness and just accept that regardless of the consequences  — like a destroyed Kingdom and a “dead” team  — the heroes are heroic because they didn’t give into a “lesser evil” thinking and managed to save everyone. 

Now, how was that possible? 

Let’s go back to the beginning of the seventh episode of Volume 8, “War.” Salem’s grimm have just burrowed through Atlas’ defenses and taken them out. The shields are gone. She flies Monstra into the fields and releases an army of darkness that immediately heads for the city. What’s the very first thing Ironwood does? 

Soldier: Yes, sir?

Ironwood: I am evacuating all citizens to the subway. Prepare Manta Squad Omega, and dispatch to every part of Atlas.

Soldier: But sir-

Ironwood: Now!

He evacuates the people, with “the people” meaning all the Atlesians and however many Mantle folk got to the city prior to Salem’s arrival. When this episode aired I mentioned being confused as to why the soldier was so hesitant. Why wouldn’t you want the people to get to safety when a grimm army is heading their way? Fans against Ironwood took the soldier’s side, claiming that Mountain Glenn proved that any underground evacuation is a death sentence and thus he obviously doesn’t really care about the peoples’ safety. Fans in support of/neutral towards Ironwood pointed out that this is a pretty big leap, no one is coming up with a better idea for what he should do instead, and that within these circumstances it reads like the soldiers is illogically against this idea simply because everyone is against Ironwood now. The show wants characters criticizing his decisions and making him out to look like a crazed dictator... even during moments when it doesn’t make any sense to be upset with him. Shooting the councilman yes, trying to keep the people safe no. Basically, this small exchange was a mess, but the rest of the volume proved that this was a sound call. The subway never collapsed and no grimm ever made it to that enclosed space to pick the civilians off like fish in an underground barrel. 

So, why didn’t that happen? Well, one answer is because Oscar and Ozpin destroyed the whale. But how did they have time to do that? Without the people dying while they were being tortured, talking to Hazel, escaping with Emerald, fighting Salem, etc.? A lot happened between Salem starting her attack and Oscar ending it, so why wasn’t 2/3rds of the Kingdom’s population decimated during that time? 

Because Ironwood sent his army out to keep the grimm occupied. 

Outside of Ironwood’s cartoon villain actions  — random murders and bomb threats  — which get the most attention due to how deliberately, over-the-top horrific they are, these are the two actions that get the most negative attention from both the story and the fanbase. The soldier seems horrified by the order to evacuate. Marrow is devastated that young adults are fighting in this battle. The fandom is disgusted by both aspects of Ironwood’s character: giving orders that, as general, he expects to be obeyed and having an army that follows those orders. Putting side that cartoon villainy, this is what supposedly makes Ironwood the antagonist here. These are the qualities that have existed since Volume 2, resulting in a “he was always a bad guy” interpretation. These are the qualities that have resulted in anyone who likes his character being labeled as a “bootlicker.” We know these qualities make the fandom hate him because otherwise, more people would be confused as to why a presumably heroic character randomly shot Oscar. Orders, armies, and general military associations are at the heart of Ironwood’s presumed villainy. 

So let’s remove them. 

Ironwood has no evil army. Ironwood gives no evil orders. Power and control lies solely in the hands of our non-military heroes. Everything is better! 

...well, no. Because we saw in Volume 8 precisely the choices our heroes made when the attack started: half of them focused on saving a single individual (Oscar) and the other half kept to the sidelines. At no point did our RWB group act after sending the message and prior to securing the Staff. AKA, during the attack of Salem’s army. We got a very explicit moment in which Ruby looked out the window at the battle going on and turned away from it, continuing to discuss ethics instead of joining the fight. The people of Atlas (which, again, includes many Mantle citizens) had no one but Ironwood and his army because a third of the group was trying to rescue Oscar (they never even had a plan to blow up Monstra — that was also Ironwood), a third of the group was up in Amity, and a third was sitting in the mansion. They did nothing to help the people of Atlas being attacked by grimm. 

Thus, if you remove Ironwood’s actions, everything goes to hell. There is no longer an order to evacuate to the subway. Maybe some people go there anyway. Most probably don’t. They run in a panic wherever they can. Hide wherever they can. Go back home for some semblance of safety. 

There’s no longer an army. Either it doesn’t exist because we’ve determined it’s simplistically bad despite RWBY’s grimm-specific context, or Ironwood likewise never gives the order to protect Atlas’ border. Salem’s army moves unimpeded through the city, killing countless people as it goes. How do we know? Because they’re civilians who can’t defend themselves and there’s literally no one else to help. Remember: Ironwood is not giving orders, there is no army, RWB is in the mansion, YJOR is in the whale, Penny is out of commission, the Happy Huntresses are in Mantle. Those in Atlas are entirely alone. In time, Oscar destroys the whale, but by then it’s too late. There’s no concrete way to theorize how many have died, but it’s inevitably a lot. Everyone else is scatted across the city, trying to survive. 

So this scene 

no longer exists. 

When the group gets the Staff and creates portals for “everyone” to escape through, Mantle is ready to go. They’ve gotten everyone into the crater and can funnel them straight to Vacuo. Atlas, however, is in chaos. When Jaune enters the subway there’s only a few people there, many of which may be wounded or dying. He’s right back where he started, in Mantle at the beginning of Volume 8: needing to go door-to-door to find where people have hidden themselves, trying to convince them all to follow him (remember Oscar commenting to Ozpin about how difficult that was?). Except now, he and Nora are the only ones trying to get people to safey, the city is filled with far more grimm, a significant amount of time has passed for people to be killed or injured (making evacuating them even harder, both due to injuries and an unwillingness to leave hurt/dead/missing loved ones behind), he’s trying to convince these panicking people to go through magic portals, not just walk to a crater, and he’s aware that there’s a very short time limit for this task. 

Jaune returns in a panic of his own, explaining how difficult it will be to get that 2/3rds of the Kingdom to Vacuo. How many are already dead. Barricaded. Missing. Closeup on Ruby looking horrified, but then she rallies. They can do it. Atlas is falling, but residual dust gives them just enough time to find, calm, and evacuate those people. They’re heroes after all. Beating the odds is what they do. 

Then Cinder attacks. 

Suddenly, the group can’t evacuate people because they’re trying to keep themselves safe from her. Maybe Cinder gets the powers because Jaune was off looking for civilians, leaving Penny without a mercy kill. Maybe Nora dies because she’s still trying to help people on the city that plows into the one below. Regardless of how details might change, they’re not getting a spread out, decimated population through those portals before Cinder changes the wish and makes them disappear.  

In this version, the story starts with Ironwood wanting to sacrifice 1/3rd of the population to save 2/3rds and the future of the war. It ends with 2/3rds of the population dying instead. 

This is what I mean when I say the majority of the fandom wants to view a very complex situation through a ridiculously simple lens. The fandom wants to denounce every bit of RWBY’s fictionalized military, the context issues of that aside. The story wants to paint RWBYJNOR as the only heroes, in part because they succeeded in saving everyone (“everyone”) in the Kingdom when Ironwood gave up. 

But they only managed to save everyone because of Ironwood. Because he kept fighting for his people to the bitter end. This is why, though his horrific actions obviously exist in the story, they make no sense (he’ll threaten to kill his people so he can... save his people?) and mess up what little is working in the finale. The story wants us to celebrate the group for evacuating Mantle and Atlas, but the Atlas evacuation would not have happened if not for Ironwood’s actions  — the actions that are ignored in favor of having Winter blame him for everything and then killing him off. The rescue of “everyone” was very much a joint effort. RWBYJNOR’s win is not actually a contrast to Ironwood’s intended sacrifice, for the simple reason that their win depended entirely on Ironwood’s actions. 

If we’re going to celebrate the group getting everyone to safety, we should probably also celebrate the guy who got them all to an easy evacuation point and ensured they weren’t eaten before then. Does that mean Ironwood never did anything wrong? Of course not. As established, the story went out of its way to make him into a villain. Rather, it means that other parts of the story failed to maintain that black and white view, complicating the heroism of RWBYJNOR in the process. If we want Ironwood to be incapable of heroic action, always the bad guy, nothing good to say about him whatsoever... then we likewise need to accept that the group is rather unheroic in many regards too. That, on their own, they would have failed to save everyone, just as Ironwood’s plan failed to save everyone at the end of Volume 7. Because they chose their friend over a kingdom. Because they sat around in a mansion. Because by the time they took action again and tried to escape, without Ironwood’s help they would have lost a larger majority than they originally insisted be saved. 

[aomineavenue]

Summary: Six years ago, L/N Y/N wouldn’t exactly say that she loves her life. It had always been problematic but her best friend, Miya Atsumu, since she was eight when she moved to Hyōgo, has always been there for her, and she wouldn’t change it for the world. However, things would always fall apart for her ever since, so she should have expected of such. Running away from her problems seemed like the easiest route to take at the time, so what happens when the past comes barging back into her life demanding answers? Will she be able to confront her demons?

Pairings: Miya Atsumu x f!Reader

Genre: Angst, ANGST I LOVE ANGST, a lil bit of fluff here and there.

Warnings: Language, etc.

Disclaimer: I do not own any characters except for the reader and my ideas. I do not claim any images used for content in this fic, everything goes out to their respective creators unless it is mentioned that it is mine.

Status: completed. | series masterlist

↩ at peace | dearest daddy

mia speaks!: 

okay, wow. So it took awhile for us to get here and I apologize for that but we’re finally done with Homesick, wew. It’s been a challenge but I’m so happy and grateful for all the positivity you guys have been sharing with me. Also, thank you so much for your patience. 

It’s been an emotional ride but we’re finally done. There may be a few short stories after this chapter but no promises. Hopefully I get the chance to though, I do want to be able to. But for now, if you guys have any requests for imagines/scenarios with this series, don’t be afraid to send them over!

Also, big thanks to @oii-sugasan​ and @sunshinesero​ for beta-reading this for me! I apologize if this chapter is any way lacking compared to the first nine chapters, it’s been awhile since I wrote anything so I hope this was a great way to end this series. 

I love you guys so much, I’m so glad to be (sorta) back. I hope you guys enjoy this!

Time was a funny and fickle thing. Sometimes there was never enough of it, and other times it stretched out endlessly. It had been seven months since your life had once again made drastic changes. It often surprised you how time flew by so fast.

Seven months since your two precious boys had been introduced to the man that they now call their father. And well, seven months since you had been reunited with the love of your life. Sure, it had ups and downs, it wasn’t bound to be perfect since the two of you were your own person. It was inevitable for such different personalities to clash, it didn’t help when there were two children present, one of them being as handful as their own father.

Atsumu had shown that he was a doting father, despite only being a part of their lives for less than a year, he had put his new family as his top priority, wanting to make up for lost time. He would instantly drop anything and everything, sometimes even volleyball when he could for times when his family needed him. Not that his new family had been a burden since then, his sons and of course you, have been nothing but loving and supportive. Showing up to games to cheer him on and the twins attending his training to either join or just watch their father and new favorite uncles.

It had been a rollercoaster ride since it was officially announced that Atsumu was off the market and that he actually had sons. Some fans were supportive, believing the news and claiming that both the young twins were striking replicas of the volleyball player. And of course, there were fans that were against it, raging how you were nothing more than a money-grabbing harlot and that you had probably lied to Atsumu about the twins being his.

They were quickly shut down, of course, by not just fans but various people close to the volleyball setter who defended you without you even asking for it. You weren’t going to lie, that particular month filled with venomous words thrown your direction stressed you out but it was mostly because of your motherly instincts, wanting to keep your sons away from such unnecessary drama. You and Atsumu had decided to ignore the majority of the vile comments but seeing you so emotionally exhausted had only fueled the already tiny flame in Atsumu. He was quick to announce that he would no longer tolerate any form of slander towards his family and would handle things legally if anyone were to step out of line.

And by the next few weeks, the hate simmered and the stress that had engulfed you and Atsumu in its grip had vanished. All that was left that made you both worry was Atsuhiro’s health.

Fortunately, Atsuhiro’s sickness didn’t grow worse as time passed by since his first transfusion. If anything, the boy was healthier and it was very much evident in his features. The healthy glow returned to his skin, he was smiling more and had shown his usual energetic-self like before he had fallen ill. Atsumu on the other hand, much to Atsuhiro’s dismay, had started becoming such an overprotective father. It took a lot of begging from Atsuhiko for their father to spend the day outside of the protective bubble of your apartment.

It took time and patience from everyone’s side to get this far, and for Atsumu, (and of course, you) he didn’t mind it one bit. He had grown more mature, despite his twin brother’s disagreements, he not only took care of himself more but he had become a role model to his sons.

Not only that, but as his relationship with his sons grew stronger, the love the two of you had for each other only seemed to intensify as well. Sure, the two of you had ups and downs back then in your friendship but it was as if time and distance hadn’t kept the two of you apart. If anything, it was as if it made your bond stronger. Two best friends, reuniting and finally expressing their true desires, it was easy for the two of you to fall into a comfortable routine.

“Where are the boys of the hour? I’ve been wanting to see how good Hiko looks in my jersey!”

Bokuto interrupts your thoughts for a brief second before you return your focus to your duties of cutting up the vegetables in the kitchen. You can’t help but chuckle at the sour expression that graces Atsumu’s expression as he fills a tray of refreshments on one of the island counters. “Don’t remind me, Bo-kun.”

“You’re just jealous that your sons didn’t want to wear your jersey," he teases, a playful grin on his lips as he lifts himself off of the ground by his hands to sit on the counter.

The scowl on Atsumu's face only deepens at the reminder, "Get off the counter, Bo-kun. Don't be rude. Why don't you actually start to help and give out these refreshments to the guests?"

You watch in amusement as the two exchange their usual banter around the kitchen of your home in Hyogo. It was decided a week ago after Atsuhiro's second transfusion was a success, that the twins would celebrate their birthday back at Hyogo instead of having the guests cramp up in your small apartment in Kanagawa.

It was also then decided by your sons what theme they would be having for their birthday. It was traditional for the twins to have their birthdays themed depending on their current interest. Lately, since the two were very fixated on volleyball due to their new favorite uncles and of course, their father, it was decided that they would be having a volleyball themed birthday where the guests were required to wear their favorite player's jersey.

For a minute, your new friend Bokuto had been rather excited upon hearing the idea.

"So show up with our own jerseys? Great!"

And as for Atsumu, he was excited at the prospect of seeing his own sons wearing his jersey. That is, until his sons destroyed such dreams.

"Are the two of you really sure?" you hear Atsumu's voice echoing from the twins' bedroom throughout the walls of the apartment as you stepped inside, shutting the door behind you as you ventured further into the comforts of your home. “Like really? Those are your choices?”

You grew curious as you slipped out of your shoes and let your hair loose from its tight bun, wincing slightly from your tugging. There was a tinge of whininess dripping from Atsumu’s voice that you couldn’t help but wonder what the three of them were talking about. It wasn’t unusual for Atsumu to be around when you had to work on days where the boys came home from school or when they didn’t have school.

At most times, when Atsumu didn't have training, he would be the one taking care of the boys instead of your mother or Osamu. Majority of his free time away from volleyball was spent with his sons, wanting to make up for the time he had lost. And there wasn't a day where the young twins wouldn't ask about their father and if he was going to visit. It was as if they were scared one of them would disappear, wanting to spend the entirety of their lives together.

"Maybe we can go with superheroes this year!" Atsumu's voice grew louder as you reached the door to the room where they occupied. Leaning against the door's frame, your eyes land on the back of Atsumu's head as he's seated on the carpeted floor facing the twins who were playing with their action figures. A small grin curling upon your lips at the sight of Atsumu’s slightly dishevelled bleached hair.

Atsuhiro, who seems to have the ability to sense your presence, looks up from his toys and in an instant, his eyes widen happily. He was about to greet you but you quickly pressed your index finger against your lips to signal the little boy not to announce your presence just yet, wanting to see Atsuhiko and Atsumu's interaction. The smart little boy that he is, nods and returns to his toys.

"But daddy," Atsuhiko protests, his focus still on the action figures in his hands, "We did superheroes last year! I wanna wear Uncle Bo's jersey!"

You fight the urge to burst out into a fit of giggles as soon as you catch a glimpse of Atsumu slumping his shoulders dejectedly. Now you understand as to why he had his moppy voice on. "But don't you want to wear daddy's jersey for your birthday?"

"But daddy," Atsuhiko lets out a sigh, looking up at his father with a look that meant the little boy wasn't up for any arguments on the matter, "Uncle Bo is the best! So I wanna wear his jersey!"

You could have sworn you heard Atsumu whine, suddenly wishing you had decided to film this from the start. "But it will make daddy really happy if you wear his jersey!"

Atsuhiko shakes his head as he continues to play with his action figures, "But I want Uncle Bo and I to match!"

Atsumu sighs in defeat before turning his attention over to Atsuhiro, looking hopeful. "What about you, Hiro? Would you wear daddy's jersey?"

"No, daddy. I wanna wear Kageyama-san's jersey," he nods with a proud smile, "Wanna be just like him! He's so good!"

"But daddy's just as good a setter as Tobio-kun!" Atsumu cries out, throwing his hands up in the air, "betrayed by my own children. 'Samu isn't going to let me live this down."

This time, you let your presence be known by finally releasing a bubble of laughter. Atsuhiko instantly drops his action figures and rushes over with a happy squeal. Atsumu pivots his body, looking up at you with such a pitiful gaze as he juts his lower lips out ot a pout, "I want new children."

Needless to say, Atsumu had been pouty ever since and has been dreading today due to the reason that every single one of his friends had found out about it. He had tried a handful of times to change their minds, unfortunately, the young twins won't budge.

“It’s not my fault your kids like me better than you,” he huffs, folding his arms across his chest, “I am an ordinary ace after all!”

A scowl graces on Atsumu’s features which causes the other occupants in the room to chuckle in amusement. It wasn’t as if Atsumu didn’t like the idea of his sons becoming close to his teammates, but lately, it was getting harder for the setter to share. “Get your own children!”

“Ah, about that...” Bokuto trails off with a nervous chuckle which causes everyone to fall silent and look at him in curiosity, “I actually will be getting my own child soon, I think.”

“You think?” you ask with an arched brow, “You can’t just think you’re having a child, Bokuto-san.”

Atsumu interjects, “And aren’t you in love with that best friend of yours? What happened to never being with anyone else but her?”

He waves his hand in the air dismissively with a frown etched on his lips, “Well, I can’t exactly be with her when she just got married.”

“You are so getting your ear torn off by the management when this news gets out,” Atsumu snickers, which he earns a smack to his shoulder from you. “Ow!”

You narrow your gaze at your boyfriend, completely unamused with his behavior. “Don't be dramatic, I didn't hit you that hard!" Letting out a huff as you wipe your hands on the apron you were wearing, "You aren’t helping Bokuto, ‘Tsumu.”

His lips curl up to a cheeky grin at the sight of your expression. He leans forward to nuzzle his nose against your cheek, your cheeks growing warm from the public display of affection. His heart swells from your reaction to his gesture, murmuring teasingly, “Sorry, darling.”

“Please, don’t make me barf.” Osamu interrupts with his features scrunched up in distaste from the interaction between you and his brother.

Atsumu sticks his tongue out at his brother who returns the gesture with a shake of his head. His arm snakes around your waist to pull you closer to his side as he returns his attention over to his teammate, “Well, is the woman making you marry her?”

“Making you pay for child support?” Osamu quickly adds.

Atsumu quips with a chuckle, “Threatening to expose your sins?”

You interrupt the two with a glare towards them, “Stop ganging up on him!”

Bokuto lets out a laugh as he begins helping your mother set up the desserts onto one of the trays to bring outside to the guests, “Nothing like that, she’s pretty chill and we’ve gotten pretty close lately. So we’re going to co-parent.”

“That’s very mature of you, Bokuto-kun.” your mother compliments him with a smile before patting his back.

He feels his cheeks grow warm from the compliment, his heart swelling with pride. “Thank you.”

“Maybe you’ll end up falling for her anyway,” Osamu teases with a smirk playing on his lips, leaning against one of the kitchen counters.

He shakes his head at the idea as his brows knit together, “Jess and I won’t fall in love.”

“Jess?” Atsumu blinks at the familiar name before his eyes widens at the realization, releasing his grip from your waist, “Jess, that journalist that you showed around town when she first visited Japan?”

Bokuto nods with a smile gracing his features, “Yeah, she’s pretty cool.”

“Maybe you’ll learn to love her in your own way through your child,” you suggest with a shrug of your shoulders as you began untying the apron you were wearing upon realizing what time it was.

Atsumu shakes his head and responds before Bokuto could utter a single word, “No, no. That’s impossible. Bo-kun’s heart belongs to his best friend.”

“Stop teasing him,” you scold your boyfriend with a shake of your head, handing over the apron you successfully took off, “make yourself useful and help out here in the kitchen,"

"Bu—"

Cutting him off with a stern glare as you lift a tray from one of the kitchen counters and handing it over to Bokuto, a small smile gracing your lips, "Don't mind him, Bo. Can you bring these to the backyard and help out if anyone else needs help? I think Reiji needs a hand setting up the bouncy castle,"

Retrieving the tray from your hands, his eyes lighting up from the excitement, "bouncy castle, you say?"

"That's for the kids, Bo-kun." Atsumu scoffs but soon lets his lips form into a pout when he had been ignored, turning his attention over to you once Bokuto slips out of the kitchen, "Where are you going?"

"I'm going to check on the boys to see if they're ready for their big entrance," you muse with an amused grin. Of course, you knew what your sons had prepared for the big entrance that they insisted. Atsumu had pestered both you and the young twins since he had heard of their plan but as your sons refused to budge, you had feigned clueless, claiming that your sons had opted it to be a surprise.

Little did Atsumu know that you had helped your sons pull off such an idea.

"I don't get why they have to have a big entrance," he sighs, brows furrowing as he racks through his thoughts on what the surprise could be. It didn't help that he was both curious and excited at what his sons might pull off.

Osamu lets out a snort, rolling his eyes at his twin brother as a smirk curls upon his lips, "What do you mean? They're your kids."

"What does that even mean?" Atsumu scowls as he slips on the apron you had handed over, walking over to where your mother was situated to take over what you were doing.

You shake your head at the two bickering older twins and shoot a look of sympathy towards your mother that was going to be left with them in the kitchen before she waves you off. Your heart was swelling from happiness at how natural everything felt, despite the silly banter thrown around. It was home.

As you step into your childhood living room, you're hit with a nostalgic wave from the memories surrounding the whole area. Though it may be a mixture of good and bad memories, since you had come to terms that you were no longer running away from your past, you only feel comfort. You made your way through your childhood home over to the bedroom that had been renovated to the liking of your twin boys.

The mere thought of your boys growing to love the place where you had grown up yourself was enough to bring a smile to your face. You press your knuckles against the wooden door to signal your presence by knocking on it repeatedly, “Are you two ready?” you ask, your voice probably muffled on the other side. Your fingers wrap around the handle of the door and as you were about to twist and push it open, the door instantly snaps back shut with a loud thud. “Can’t-”

“No, mommy!” Atsuhiko screeched causing you to blink from both the surprised force and tone. Pressing your palms and ear against the door to hear what the commotion was all about, you frown upon hearing only their shuffling feet, “What are you two doing? Guests have arrived and your party will be starting soon,”

“We’re almost ready, mommy!” Atsuhiro assures you from the other side.

A chuckle escapes your lips at their antics as you decide to not interfere any further, “Alright you two, just be sure to be out in a few. You don’t want your daddy to come fetch you. It’ll ruin the surprise.”

“Okay mommy!” you heard Atsuhiko yell out, their excited muffled voices purely obvious from the other side that you couldn’t help but smile.

On the other hand, back in the kitchen, the father of your twins was having his own little dilemma back in the kitchen. It wasn’t as if he was uncomfortable being around your mother, but it was more like he felt he was still lacking.

Despite him knowing that your mother and you hadn’t had the greatest relationship when your father passed away, he still wanted to be someone your mother would approve of. He didn’t know whether your mother knew the whole story of the relationship between the two of you but being away from you and your sons during most of their childhood was enough to make him worry. The mere idea of his sons looking up to him sent his heart soaring, but of course, he also wanted your mother to feel secure enough for him to be together with you and the twins.

“I’ll bring out these sliced up fruits outside,” Osamu cuts the clear tension surrounding the kitchen. Atsumu resists the urge to glare at his twin for leaving him behind with your mother, knowing full well that his brother knows his current insecurities. A small smirk graces Osamu’s features but not the obvious one that would make your mother notice.

Atsumu watches his twin slip out of the kitchen with a tray full of food for the guests before flickering his gaze over to your mother situated at the other side of the room, making final touches to the cupcakes. “Is there anything else that I can do?”

Without looking up, a smile etches on your mother’s face. “No, it’s fine. We’re just about done with everything.”

“It looks good,” he states with a nod of his head, not really knowing what to say.

Placing the piping bag to the side, your mother lifts her head up to look towards the direction of Atsumu and wipes her hands on the apron she’s currently wearing, “You know you can always start calling me mom.”

The mere sentence made Atsumu want to leap in excitement, but at the same time he was nervous, a sudden fear of messing things up engulfing him. “I don’t want to overste-”

“Oh please,” your mother waves her hand in the air with a light chuckle, “I’ve known you since you were eight. We’re practically family. So you might as well call me mom.”

Atsumu couldn’t help but let the corners of his mouth tug up to a wide smile, “Alright, mom.”

“I’m really happy that the two of you decided to work things out,” your mother spoke with a smile as she delicately places the cupcakes on the cupcake stand.”

His feet shuffled across the room to help your mother stack the cupcakes onto the stand, “We had to for the kids anyway.”

Your mother hums in thought for a second before responding, “I think the kids were just the push the two of you needed. If anything, I’ve always thought the two of you would always end up together since the two of you always leaned on each other for anything.”

He nods his head slowly, leaning against the counter as he feels his heart swell with happiness. “I guess you’re right, mom. I did lean on her majority of the time when we were growing up. I guess I still am now. I just wish I could make her happy.”

“Don’t worry, you do. Before she left Hyogo, I know for a fact that she was miserable in this house after her dad had passed. You were the only one giving her a reason to move forward,” your mother spoke, sadness dripping from her voice.

A sigh escapes Atsumu’s lips as his features scrunch up to something that resembles pain. “I was also the reason why she left. I may be even the biggest reason why she left.”

Your mother extends an arm out and places a hand on Atsumu’s arm, trying her best to give assurance and comfort, “You weren’t the only reason behind that. I don’t know if she’s told you, but I had neglected her. I’m not proud of it and apologies are probably never enough for forgiveness. I was barely a mother when my husband had passed. I was almost an empty shell and instead of being a moth-”

“Mom,” Atsumu cuts her off and grabs hold of her hand in his own, “Don’t blame yourself. She loves you very much. It’s all in the past. We’ll be able to move forward, we already are.”

The two were interrupted with Osamu’s arrival, knocking by the kitchen’s door frame to announce his return. A smile etched on his lips at the scene before him, “Hey, Y/N wants everyone in the living room. Apparently the boys are ready to make their big entrance.”

Your mother excuses herself as soon as she removes the apron tied around her, excitement clearly evident in her features. Atsumu knew it well, despite the relationship that you had been slowly rebuilding with your mother, she was just as excited as him to have the twins into her life. She has equally doted on, if not more, on the twins ever since and well, Atsumu wouldn’t have it any other way.

Atsumu knew for a fact that you adored the time you’ve been sharing with your mother. As long as you were happy, nothing else mattered.

Osamu gives him a pat on the back, arching a brow in curiosity as they make their way out of the kitchen, “Everything alright?”

Atsumu gives him a nod, giving him the largest grin that he could muster. “Yeah, definitely.”

“You look disgusting,” Osamu jokes, pretending to shudder which causes Atsumu to give him a shove as they step into the living room where most of the guests have already gathered.

“Hey ‘tsumu!” Bokuto calls out from next to you as soon as Atsumu comes into view. “Hurry up! I’m excited to see Hiko in my jersey!”

Atsumu rolls his eyes as he approaches, grumbling to himself. As soon as he reaches your side, he places a quick kiss to your temple before snaking an arm around your waist to pull you closer. “Yeah, yeah. You have to stop rubbing it in. We get it.”

You couldn’t help but let a laugh escape your lips as you lean yourself into Atsumu’s warmth, “Oh come on now you two, focus on the big entrance will you?”

Bokuto just snickers from the side while Atsumu sends him a glare. If you were to describe the two of them, they were practically acting like petty children but you know those two will eventually switch attitudes as soon as your twins step out to make their entrance.

You flicker your gaze over to Osamu who was situated a few steps ahead from your little group, trying his best to act natural with his phone up. The two of you had discussed prior to the party that he would be the one to film the whole thing going on. Your little boys had practically begged their uncle to film their big entrance but mostly, what you hoped Osamu to capture was Atsumu’s reaction.

A part of you expects that he would be a grinning mess at the sight of his kids but also, you’re also hoping he’d be speechless from all the teasing his kids put him through of having to wear someone else’s jersey.

“What’s taking them so long?” Atsumu asks, tilting his head slightly hoping to meet your eyes as his fingers play with the hem of your shirt.

As you were about to answer him, the familiar voices of your two boys echo throughout the room from the top of the stairs. You didn’t even have to look to know about their surprise since you know very well of what they had planned. Well, obviously, you had helped them out with picking up the jerseys that they were going to wear.

However, you had wanted to capture Atsumu’s reaction to your boys with your own two eyes instead of just watching it from a video. And honestly speaking, you didn’t think you’d fall in love with this man any more than you already do but here you are.

Just the mere sight of his features scrunching up to a look of awe was enough for your heart to swell. It looked as if he was close to tears as watches the twins descend the stairs with the prodest smiles they could muster.

You pry yourself away from his side as soon as the twins approach Atsumu, knowing full well what was going to happen as they had practiced what they were going to say. Flickering your gaze over to Atsuhiko and Atsuhiro, seeing them in Atsumu’s high school volleyball jersey made your own eyes water despite the fact that you were the ones who had gotten them the uniform a week ago.

“Wh-What are you guys wearing?” Atsumu almost chokes out his words, “What happened to the jerseys that we bought that you said you were going to wear?”

Atsuhiko throws his arms out in the air, smiling widely. “We changed daddy!”

“We wanna wear your jersey daddy,” Atushiro nods his head enthusiastically, lifting his hand up to grip onto Atsumu’s shirt.

Atsuhiko wraps his arms around Atsumu’s waist, “‘cause you’re our favorite volleyball player daddy!”

The scene itself was enough for everyone to watch in awe, a few of the guests that were invited had their own phones up to capture the moment with smiles on their faces, the others were almost practically in tears themselves, and well there was also Bokuto by the side with his pouty self at the realization that neither of his nephews were wearing his jersey like he thought they would. Atsumu on the other hand, had eventually dropped down to his knees and wrapped his arms around his two boys, burying his face in between them as he let out his own tears stream down his face from the overwhelming joy that coursed through him.

Yes, this is your family.

This is your home.

You stare out the window from the kitchen of your childhood home, a smile on your face at the beautiful afternoon of your backyard full with people you adore and have missed so much. 

The party was still in full swing despite the sun about to set, the laughter from the guests and a few children present rang in the air. Happiness had engulfed your heart and honestly, you had trouble believing it yourself but here you were. 

You wouldn’t trade this for anything. 

An arm snakes around your waist from behind and you would have been startled if you hadn’t felt Atsumu’s presence a minute ago. Despite not having seen each other in years, everything about him was still familiar. Sure, there were a few things about him that you didn’t know but that didn’t mean that he still wasn’t your Atsumu that you’ve grown to love. 

“Thank you,” he whispers as he nuzzles his nose into your hair, a smile playing on his lips. 

You place your hands atop of his and lean yourself back into his warmth, your brows furrowing in confusion. “What are you thanking me for?” 

“For everything,” he lets out a sigh, causing a shiver to run down your spine from the heat radiating from his breath close to your ear, “For giving me two amazing boys and for existing yourself.” 

Pivoting your body around so that you were facing Atsumu, your hands settling on his chest as you look up at him with your lips curling up to an assuring smile, “Thank you.” 

“And what for?” Atsumu questions, matching your own smile with his own as his hands cup your face. He lowers his head slowly, nudging your nose with his own as the pads of his thumbs brush delicately against your skin. 

Heat spreads across your cheeks at his gestures, feeling shy yourself but despite that, the majority of what you felt was only comfort in being in his arms. “For loving me as much as I love you.” 

He hums in response, placing a quick kiss to your lips. “No, I probably do love you more. More than you can imagine.” 

Before you could respond, he places his lips back firmly on yours and your eyelids flutter shut as if on instinct. The hands of yours that were resting on his chest eventually found their way around his torso to pull him close. Tilting your head to the side, the kiss itself deepens as he runs his fingers through your hair. 

It just felt so natural being with him.

Before the kiss could grow more heated however, a loud yell from outside had interrupted the both of you causing you to pull away much to both of your dismay. Your heads turn towards the direction of the commotion, the bouncy castle coming into view.

Or rather, the depleting bouncy castle with Bokuto and Hinata coming out hastily in laughter. 

You shake your head at the scene, a bubble of laughter leaving your lips before turning your head back over to look at the man before you. Just when you had decided to pull back and return to your duties of being a mother, he wraps his arms back around your waist to pull you back against him. Another laugh escapes your lips as you playfully slap his chest, “What now? We have a party going on, we have to entertain our gue-” 

“Move in with me,” he interrupts, his features showing nothing but seriousness. 

You meet his sincere gaze with your own and your heart makes a leap out of joy. There was only one answer you could possibly give. 

“Yes.”

[fireemblems24]

Post Grondor Field AM Analysis

I'm prefacing this by saying that I'm still not sure I can write a good analysis of this scene for two reasons:

1. I don't know what comes after, and

2. I'm very emotionally involved in what happened.

But I tried my best. One thing is for sure though, what happened in Grondor in AM was an incredibly significant turning point for AM and Dimitri and my thoughts and analysis on it will definitely expand as I keep writing about and playing the game.

Part of me is just so happy I got to see Dimitri's supports, have the inevitable turn around, and get to do things like tea and dinner time again that it's hard to be objective about this scene.

And by "this scene," I don't mean that actual fight at Grondor, but everything from Fleche's attack to Byleth's words in the rain later.

It wasn't all about Byleth . . .

Given how poignant Dimitri's character arc has been so far, I had a deep rooted fear player-pandering would ruin it. Byleth, as a concept, isn't bad, but too often the heaps of praise feel underserved and other things (like Claude's intelligence, Edelgard's relationships with everyone else) get ignored to make more room for player-pandering.

Thankfully this did not happen. Byleth, throughout the early chapters of AM's part 2, failed to reach Dimitri. And, honestly, seeing Byleth actually struggle for once has done wonders for how I view her character. Still, I worried that player-pandering-power, rather than something that felt earned, would cause the inevitable eye-opener for Dimitri.

But it wasn't just Byleth. Fleche's vengeance kicked everything off, what veered Dimitri away from his fate in other routes. He accepted his death at her hands, not bothering to defend himself. Rodrigue stepping in the way and his parting words forced Dimitri to confront things he'd ignored. Throughout AM so far, people have posed questions to Dimitri who refused to answer them because he didn't want to face what they asked. But Rodrigue dying for him, spending his final words telling Dimitri to live for himself - combined with Fleche's attack - forced Dimitri to confront things he avoided. It wasn't until after all of that when Byleth steps in.

And Byleth didn't "fix" him either. Dimitri's supports show a young man who's still very much struggling with his mental health, poor self-image, his previous actions, and wondering if he deserves not only to live for himself - but if he even deserves to live. Byleth didn't hand-wave Dimitri's problems away.

Everything about the scene is stronger because it didn't fall back on player-pandering, but more earned, realistic, and dramatic actions and consequences - including Byleth's involvement which felt far more earned than usual because of prior failure.

But I wish Dimitri's friends played a bigger role.

Not everything was perfect though. I wish we got a little more than we did from Dimitri's house mates - especially his childhood friends Sylvain, Ingrid, and extra special mention to Felix and especially, especially Dedue.

Throughout all of AM, none of the above mentioned characters feel utilized to their full potential. This isn't a problem exclusive to AM, and by all means it's far from the biggest offender, but given how close all the ties are in AM, it's felt when it's not there.

I still don't know what exactly I would've done with them. Maybe I'd need to make the game an actual novel to do it, and you can't forget how perma-death has historically held back games at times, limiting major moments to a select few "retreat" candidates.

Still, though, getting a bit more from Ingrid, Sylvain, Felix, and Dedue would've made the scene even more powerful.

I actually really liked the scene in the rain.

I haven't made it a secret that I dislike Byleth. Or maybe disliked is more accurate. Lately I've been rethinking my stance on Byleth, in part because I've heard from people who like her or found ways to make her work and from my own thinking about the game while planning future write ups.

I don't think it's Byleth I really dislike, but the player-pandering. Separating the two isn't easy, but it's easier since I've starting coming around to seeing Byleth as her own character.

There's been a few moments that made me care for Byleth, and this scene in the rain was one of them. Because she didn't just fix everything. She tried and failed for months to reason with Dimitri, and despite everything she never gave up on him or failed to keep offering her hand.

I'm not going to lie. I got all the bubbly, heartwarming, heartbreaking feels the writers wanted me to in this scene. Seeing Byleth reach for something and fail, and then finally, finally get through was rewarding in a way many of Byleth's prior accomplishments aren't because this one felt earned. And by God did she earn it.

Some people will likely disagree with that last point, but I disagree with them. She asked Dimitri hard-hitting questions, forcing him to come to unpleasant conclusions rather than trying to force him into anything. She kept Dimitri from veering to far off course, even at expense to herself when she killed Randolph. She saved Dimitri from Fleche when he refused to save himself. She quietly supported him, coaxing out the good she knew was still there and refused to give up on.

I'd never in a million years say someone in real life should put up with Dimitri's toxic behavior and verbal abuse, even considering his extreme trauma and aggravated mental illness. But seeing someone fuck up so badly still get forgiven, still get supported, still struggle but honestly change for the good, still get loved, start to accept and forgive himself through the power of love and forgiveness from others is very powerful, especially since media so often downplays those "softer" things as weakness in comparison to the "badassery" of ambition and stoicism. Using Byleth, who previously had little experience with feelings, who was encouraged to experience them in healthy ways by Dimitri, return the favor isn't really the worst choice.

It's cliche, but cliches aren't always bad.

The mentor dies. Redemption in the rain. Revenge against the protagonist's actions opens their eyes. Etc . . . This scene was chuck full of cliches, but that's not necessarily a bad thing.

Tropes serve an important narrative purpose because a writer can rely on them to convey a message to the audience that either saves time or sets them up for something unexpected or even expected. Fire Emblem has always and will always be incredibly cliche and full of tropes. It loves tropes so much there's in-universe ones that make some unit or character discussions sound like a foreign language to people outside of or new to the fandom, talking about "Ests" and calling someone a "Camus."

What matters is if a story pulled something off well, not if it's terribly unique. A mentor dying is powerful because it forces the student to grow. Redemption in the rain is high symbolic of water washing things away + the somber atmosphere rain creates. Someone trying to get revenge against a character provides an eye-opening experience about the ripple effect of their actions. We see these things in fiction all the time because they work.

All the tropes worked like expected in this scene. Using images instead of cut scenes did make less of an impact, but more on that later.

Tl;dr: There's nothing unexpected or terribly unique about what happened. It was honestly painfully predictable, but that doesn't make it bad and is in a series that does this all of the time.

The voice acting carried because those images can't.

A major downside to this scene is that it used vague images instead of a cut scene. I get that budget and time were likely concerns, but many cut scenes from earlier in the game seem rather trivial. Did we really need that dance one? Really? I don't think so.

This was a hugely important, action heavy moment. Using one or two still images to convey everything that's happening and all those emotions, really makes it less than it could've been.

That said, the voice acting saves it. I've raved about how amazing Chris Hackeny is as Dimitri, so nothing new here. Rodrigue's and Fleche's VAs also did a fantastic job. No one oversold or undersold the emotions. Even without the cut scene, you felt what happened thanks to the skill of the actors. This scene would've been so much harder to engage with without them, if this was an older FE game where all you got was text. This is 100% one of the moments highly elevated by the decision to have a fully voiced game and choosing high caliber talent (let's not talk about Radiant Dawn's voice acting).

Questionable support timing.

One issue I had came right after the scene when I viewed Dimitri's supports. The nature of some - like his with Raphael and Alois - didn't quite line up with the character I saw in dialogue right after. I wish they staggered them a bit more or got picker about what you could get in part 1 or 2.

This isn't limited to Dimitri either. In the same support batch, I also got a Marianne B support where she still had no confidence or self-worth. And then like 10 minutes later I talk to her in the monastery and she mentions about how seeing all the death in Grondor made her value her life even more.

In the past, I've also received entirely valid opinions that Dorothea in part 2 is hard to understand because she's cherry and flirty in her supports, and morose and hates the war in her monastery stuff, making her seem inconsistent.

It's a bit jarring. It's not really an issue for characters who don't change much like Edelgard or Raphael, but even for characters with more subtle differences than Dimitri, Marianne, and Dorothea - like, say, Lorenz - you get a lot of weird stuff because of supports. I just think Dimitri's stands out because he's a main character with a really prominent, important turning point for his growth.

[no--envies]

Something I really love about MDZS is that no character is perfect or without fault, not even WWX and LWJ, and all characters' flaws are essential to create tension and conflicts in the novel. For many events to happen differently, most of the characters involved would need to have entirely different personalities and goals. This is such good writing.

WWX and LWJ are undoubtedly the heroes of the story. They're exceptional people who make use of their many talents to bring more good to the world. But the novel is filled with characters who are generally good people, but make mistakes or tend to be neutral/indifferent to the events unfolding. NMJ, LXC, LQR, JZXuan are such examples.

Sadly, what happened to WWX feels extremely realistic. Most people aren't heroes. A lot of people are selfish or have a sheep mentality. Most of the cultivators who contributed to WWX's downfall weren't even in bad faith. They were convinced they were in the right, but they couldn't see past their own hypocrisy and self-righteousness.

Sometimes the fandom tends to be too harsh towards characters like LXC or NMJ. They definitely aren't perfect, but they were trying to do the right thing with the information they had and their own idea of justice and righteousness, unlike many other characters who were driven by resentment, greed or ambition.

Even WWX makes mistakes. His own character flaws partly contributed to his own downfall. His arrogance was mainly a front to hide the fact he no longer had a golden core, but not completely. He was overconfident and thought he could "attempt the impossible" on his own without relying on anyone's help. He thought he could control his demonic cultivation perfectly, until he lost control. He didn't exactly have another choice, but it's also just part of who he is, of his extreme confidence in himself and his own abilities (which for the most part is a great thing to have).

I'm not saying WWX's downfall was his own fault, but he's not completely blameless. When he went to Nightless City it wasn't to defend himself and the Wen remnants, but to vent his anger and frustration since his whole world had just crumbled and everyone accused him unfairly after the ambush at Qiongqi Path and JZXuan's death. He wasn't clear-headed at the time. When he activated the Tiger Seal it wasn't a strategy to weaken the Sects' forces, he was already in a half-unconscious state. Not even he is proud of all the people he killed that night. The fact that he destroyed the Tiger Seal after the bloodbath it caused is quite telling. (I've written a meta about what happened at Nightless City, which explains my opinion in more detail.)

My point is that what happened to WWX is a complex sequence of events some people are more responsible for than others, but which makes perfect sense given the context of the novel and every character's personality. The cultivation world feared and envied WWX's power because they had seen what he was capable of, and how cruel and ruthless he could be with his enemies. They were a bunch of hypocrites, since most of them approved of his actions during the war and saw him as a useful tool as long as he was on their side, and they definitely behaved like sheep, but WWX's fall from grace feels in a sense inevitable.

JGY was clearly trying to deflect his own responsibility for WWX's downfall, but his analysis in the Guanyin Temple is quite accurate: on one hand WWX was the untamed hero, on the other hand he made enemies wherever he went. And it wasn't even his fault. He was just unafraid to speak his mind and stand out against public opinion, even when he knew doing so would put a target on his back. While this is what makes him the hero we all love and admire, it's what made him a target of the Sects' hypocrisy, classism and self-righteousness.

I'm not trying to assign blame here. I'm just analysing the events of the novel and appreciating MXTX's writing. MDZS is such an amazing story and I love it.

[pomegranates-and-blood]

In another life

My Masterlist

Pairing: Ivar/Reader, Ivar/Awful Life Choices

Summary: Ragnarök has come for all of them, the Seer’s words to Ivar prove right, and he wonders on what the world ending truly means when he has already lost it all.

Word Count: 2.5k

Warnings: Mentions of death, descriptions of violence and death, major character death, angst (or my best attempt at it anyways, but this ain’t a happy story), and my terrible writing.

A/N: So, the world ending, right? Charming thing to write about. I just really like the idea of reincarnation and yeah, here goes. The quote is by cynthiago, you can find it here.

In this universe, the Heathen Army conquered Northumbria and Mercia and it kept raiding for longer than in the show. In this universe, no Freydis. Björn was made King of Kattegat by undirectly, as a result of helping Lagertha defeating Ivar, who took to the Silk Roads with the Reader chracter , and found the Rus and thus, shitshow.

Not long ago he was just like this, sitting before his chariot, covered in blood, and facing an army that hesitated at the sight of him.

But this time, this time is different.

There’s no Viking army to support him, there’s no Ubbe or Hvitserk to fight beside him, there’s no…there’s no victory.

There’s no chariot at his back, only splintered wood.

He remembers the Wise One’s words, so many years ago when he told Ivar of his Fate: your chariot lies as broken as your legs, a snake has settled in your skull, your eyes betray you.

He hears laughter, or at least it sounds like it in his head. The cackles that left his lips as Christians died before him, the mocking giggle of that Rus as he forced his hand, the warm laugh you breathed by his ear as you promised to marry him.

A cruel twist of Fate, or maybe just his arrogance playing against him, but he realizes now none of it happened in the order the Seer spoke it.

“There has to be more to it than…this, don’t you think?” You ask, eyes on the horizon before you. Ivar moves closer, pressing a kiss on your bare shoulder and silently demanding your attention returns to him.

It doesn’t, and it irks him more than he should let it by now.

But, he gathers, a part of him will always want you, want your attention, your touch, your eyes meeting his. He can’t imagine a day he won’t want to have you in his arms, just like he refuses to imagine the day he can’t.

You agreed to marry him once a deal with Alfred is struck and the war can pause, he reminds himself of that with a familiar warmth spreading through his chest. You’ll be his wife, only his.

The memory of your warm laugh as you embraced him and whispered your promises to be bound to him before the Gods and your families -or what was left of them- makes him want to have you all to himself, to feel nothing but you for hours on end.

But, because you asked a question, and because even the slightest of rejections, even one born out of genuine curiosity for an answer, Ivar knows will make him lash out; he replies,

“All that’s left that isn’t ours is Wessex, love.”

You shake your head, “I mean…more than these years we have here. More than this life.”

“Valhalla?”

“Maybe,” You muse, and your eyes return to the horizon. “Maybe there’s more to life than this. Maybe…maybe we get to live again.”

“Like those Eastern men say? We…return?” Ivar questions, the beginning of a mocking smile teasing at his lips before he bites it back, aware of the seriousness in your expression.

You were always one to question everything and nothing. Why an axe curves that way, why Freyja favors cats, why Vikings must be bound to these lands.

Why the world is so big and life so short.

You and Björn have that in common, he guesses. Though you don’t have the thirst for discovery his brother does, instead you just look for…transcendence.

“Maybe we’ll meet in another life.” You seal your promise, your hope, with a kiss against his lips, and smile.

His eyes stay trained on your inviting lips even as he argues, “But you know where we go when we die.”

“Valhalla, Ragnarök, it all may mean something else,” You whisper back, “Things are not as literal as you think they are, Ivar.”

“What does Ragnarök mean to you then?”

“The end of the world,” You reply without hesitation, a slight waver in your voice, “But the world ends every day for someone different.”

It is only then he realizes your eyes are not on the horizon, but on the trails of smoke left by the burning pyres of those lost in the fight.

Ivar can still remember your warmth. You were so…alive, so warm and free and so alike fire.

He spent most of his younger years breathing life to that fire, making you clench your hands into fists and get that adorable little frown with well-placed taunts and jabs.

Gods, you even felt like fire under his fingertips when he touched you, he can still remember how your touch scalded and soothed away years of pain and anger and loss. You kissed him and it felt like the cold that made the bones in his legs ache never existed, you touched him and it felt as if he’d never again know what it was like to be alone.

You’d promise love against his skin in fervent kisses that left their mark even after so many years, and for every time he’d tell you how being loved by you felt like the best kind of wildfire, you’d tell him being loved by him felt like the soothing embrace of ice over a burn, like a relief after a lifetime with bare feet on burning coal.

And he wishes he had believed you.

For so long he thought his eyes to deceive him when it came to you, when it came to the proof of your love and your loyalty. For so long, he wasted so much time fearing you’d leave him, betray him.

Now you haunt him.

Your eyes are big and filled with tears as you look at him, but he refuses to give away his own weakness, instead gritting his teeth and looking at you with nothing but fury and poison.

“If I don’t kill you, you’ll…”

“I’ll kill you, and I’ll make it painful.” Ivar promises, voice hoarse not because you threaten his life with your sword - the sword he gifted you, back in a time when you were cruel enough to pretend to love him- at his throat, but because he knows only one of you will leave this room alive.

You shake your head, and your head drops, your back curves with a sob that still tugs at a pathetic and stupid part of his heart.

“You’ll kill us all,” You whisper, and though your voice trembles, the grip on the sword grows tighter, more certain, “You’ll be the end of our world, if I don’t stop you.”

“Then stop me.” He dares, and Gods, he wants your eyes back on his. It is the end, and he realizes what you meant when you said the world ends many times for many people.

“Don’t make me do this.” You beg, but he doesn’t think you’re talking to him. Maybe Fate, maybe the Gods, he doesn’t know.

“You’re not strong enough to kill me.” Ivar offers, more softly than he should. But it is true, and you both know it. And when your gaze -finally- returns to his, he sees it written in the tears that stream down your cheeks, in the helpless and furious shine of your eyes.

“But I am strong enough to defend my people.” You state, resolute, and though you lower your sword with a shaky breath, Ivar still feels the threat of sharp steel at his throat, but for completely different reasons.

Cold grips at his heart, fear and dread.

“You will not leave me.” He states, voice as certain as it has ever been, and yet it still tastes of desperation, still feels like the lie a madman tells himself.

“I know your ways of war, my love. If anyone, I am the only weapon our people have in fighting against you and these Rus.”

“I will not let you betray me!” He yells, but you don’t react, you only step closer.

The sword makes a clanking noise as you drop it that rattles inside his head.

Your eyes fill with tears, or maybe his do, he doesn’t know anymore.

Your smile is sad, but it still speaks of days spent with you safe in his arms, of nights when your voice by his ear was the one thing that kept him from breaking, of a life that he thought you’d be able to have.

His eyes flutter shut when your hand lifts to his face, dainty and delicate fingers tracing the newest of scars. He curses his weakness, and he forces his eyes to open and meet yours, if only because it may be the last time he can.

Your lips breathe a kiss over his.

“Only death would stop me.”

And with five words and one movement of his hand, his world ends.

Ivar watches as the warriors make way for one of their own. A leader, maybe.

He extends his arms at his sides, even if his ribs keep him from breathing, even if his arms shake, even if he doesn’t see on one eye from the blood that pours from the deep cut on his head. He taunts him, dares him to attack like he did so long ago in a city they have long since lost.

The warrior swirls a sword in his hand, and drops the shield he was holding, eyes set on Ivar. Ivar knows he won’t win.

You did always say he realized his mistakes too late.

You were the only one he ever admitted to any regret, so when the devastating realization of what the war he had brought to his homeland meant for his people and the Gods themselves dawned on him, he had no one to talk to but the wind.

It has been like that for a long time. He doesn’t remember any more how long it has been since…since.

Maybe it is better this way, that no one is there to know how many regrets he carries with him to wherever the Gods will take him. Maybe it is better they think of Sigurd’s death as the cold act of a man that can love nothing, and not the rash action that cost him something he didn’t know he held dear. Maybe it is better they think the war he brought with the Rus at his back is the ruthless planning of a man that would burn it all for a throne, and not the stupid mistake of a king with no kingdom and too much arrogance to see when he was walking into a trap.

Maybe it is better they think your death was the certain and inevitable action of a monster that can’t love anything more than his own ambitions, and not the act of desperation and fear that cost him everything.

The man in front of him steps closer, without fear, without hesitation.

He lost someone. Ivar knows that glint in his eyes. The man wants revenge.

He wouldn’t be the only one. For all the Rus and their games took from him, for all the Saxons and their God have cost him, why should he have allowed any of them to have anything to call their own? No, they deserved to suffer, to feel what it is like to have the world end with a whimper, to know what happens to those who take what is his.

He doesn’t feel any shame -even though he knows you would, you would blink big and sad eyes his way and whisper about mercy and softness and goodness, as if any of those saved you-, and he didn’t feel any then, when he ordered his men to kill the children, to take the wives and hang them for them all to see along the edges of the battlefield; when he led raids and had them burn the villages to ash; when he laughed and laughed until all that was left was raw throat and hoarse sobs as they lost it all, just like he did.

He manages to hook the curved edge of the axe behind the man’s knee, and brings him down to his level, moving quickly and attempting to ignore the pain of broken legs, of cut and bruised body, as he settles over him, letting the axe find a home in the man’s eye.

A scream, pained and guttural, and the man strikes back, trying to move him back but unable to do so.

Ivar feels the piercing and sudden sting of the blade that goes through him, like his did so long ago, to too many people that were undeserving of that fate. But it is with a smile he greets his Fate, his death.

He kills that man, and drops beside him as if their Gods, their wars, stopped mattering, and made them equal. There are no kings, no commanders, no Vikings and no Christians. Only two dead men in a rundown city, and an army that watches in silence.

With gasping and broken breaths, he looks with blind eyes up at the sky, and he knows he will die today.

Your chariot lies as broken as your legs, a snake has settled in your skull, your eyes betray you.

The Seer was right, he always was. Ragnarök came for them all, their world as they know it will end. And the end isn’t far, both for the golden age of the Vikings and for Ivar.

His eyes always betrayed him; he has learned that. Seeing shadows and betrayals where there was none, seeing tricks and lies where there was only truth. For a long time holding on to the certainty that it hadn’t been his fault, he believed it meant seeing love and loyalty in your eyes when you were only playing with him. He knows now, has known for a while, it meant seeing in the smile you pressed against his lips the life he wanted you both to build, and not the strain of a woman pulled between her love for him and her love for her people.

Ivar believed for so long the snake that settled in his skull was you, with your soft touches and your warmth and your love; he was blinded with his own hate and fury, so certain in this self-fulfilling prophecy of his that you could never love him, that it was all a trick. Gods, you were right beside him telling him not to trust Oleg, not to turn his back on his -your- people, and he didn’t listen. The snake that settled in his skull cost him all he had left, the one he had loved above anyone else. He made sure to make him suffer before he died, he would fight this endless and already-lost war for a thousand years for a chance to make Oleg pay for it again.

But, at the end, it wasn’t Oleg’s knife piercing your heart, was it?

His body shakes, and he cannot stop it, he cannot control his breathing and Gods, he is dying.

He looks up at the sky, the sky that remained the same when you died in his arms with love on your lips and regret in your eyes, the sky that remains the same now as the last of the battles for life as they know it is lost.

And Ivar thinks -hopes, he hopes like he hasn’t hoped for anything in such a long time- that maybe you were right after all. Ragnarök isn’t darkness and chaos for them all, for the world ends each day a different way for everyone. The Gods know his world ended on a cold night years ago, and has ended again every day since.

Maybe Valhalla is nothing but another chance to live again.

He murmurs your name with a ragged breath that leaves his lungs at last, and pleads that if the Gods hear him, they will let him see you again. In another life.

____

So, I hope you liked it! I would really love to hear your thoughts on this, it has been boinking around in my head for a while, the idea of reincarnation and of the Seer’s prophecy about Ivar.

Anyhow, this is thought out to be the first part of a two (or more, but still short) series, where I dip my toe on the modern/soulmate!au. It can, of course, end here, because I tried writing it to be a standalone if moderns are not your thing.

If you guys are interested, I can write the next part(s), tho it could take a lil while cause I have a lot of stuff to do writing-wise, atm.

Thank you so much, I love you all! <3

[presence-of-darkness]

my very long thoughts c!techno’s current doings

(everything that follows is about the characters not the people, and despite my many criticism of their choices I find them incredible interesting and well written. I am just ready to throw down in a debate with any and all of them especially techno)

so the festival was a shit show for everyone involved except for dream (and punz). now i disagree with many (most) of the characters and their actions but I'm gonna be focusing on techno because that is what my brain is rearing to discuss. now i love c!techno i think he’s a fascinating and nuanced character but I have some disagreements with him which I will go into great detail on. let's start with the Tommy betrayal thing.

now I love sbi as much as the next person (I love it large amoun) but I completely agree with Tommys choice to leave techno. techno and Tommy were fundamentally on different sides from the beginnin, this fallout was completely inevitable and the only way it wouldn't have happened is if one of them shifted in their core beliefs. For techno this being his anarchy(autocorrect please let me say anarchy) and for tommy his love of lmandburg and his bestest friend tubbo. Tommy had seemingly temporarily put these to the side for the sake if the disks but as we saw today and in the past Tommy values tubbo and lmanburg over the disks and he doesn't want to become the person who doesn't. 

now the conflict arises in the fact that while both of them have been pretty upfront about these being their main beliefs they have both repeatedly ignored or though they could change the others mind when this was brought up. Tommy thought techno would help him get the disks and defend him from dream without him needing to fully turn against lmanburg; and techno thought he could change Tommy's mind and get him to want to destroy lmanburg and let go of tubbo. (techno also definitely was trying to manipulate Tommy through framing and bot being honest about destroying lmanburg being the main goal even if it wasn't done out of malice and he thought it would be best for Tommy)

And while being with techno did really help Tommy regain his confidence after being manipulated by dream it working with techno still brought out really bad parts of him, and he was becoming a person he didn’t want to be. Bit of a tangent but Tommy clung to techno because he was the first person after exile to stay with him for extended periods of time and bot be actively and maliciously working to hurt him. He swung between latching on and lashing out and mirroring techno because he wanted to be friends and he was becoming the person he feared he would be for so long. He was on the route of becoming like Wilbur and that is why he needed to not work with techno anymore. Yes he betrayed techno but techno was literally planning on murdering the people he cared about so like... can’t say I blame the guy (tho he should have given the axe back that was kinda a dick move). 

And yes this fucking sucks from technos perspective, he feels and has been betrayed by people the trusted and legitimately wanted to work with to achieve his ideals repeatedly. But he is definitely not innocent in this, he has also done some betrayal (peer pressure or not he murdered an ally at the command of an enemy regardless of his justifications) and I feel like a lot of the techno pogtopia conflict could have been lessened if techno did the active listening he wanted out of the others when he said he planned to destroy lmanburg.  There was clearly conflict brewing in pogtopia about whether or not it should be blown up and Tommy Tubbo Nikki etc talked about how they wanted to reclaim lmanburg. I think that pretty clearly insinuates returning it to its prior  state, ergo government. Now onto what techno currently plans to do: destroy lmanburg with dream. I think this is a bit of a shit plan. While i do not doubt be a second that they won’t succeed in destroying and blowing shit up I don’t feel that’s it’s actually really conducive to achieving technos ideals. The reason being that lmanburg is a fucking sham of a government

This thing barely functions and they have no real power to back anything they do up. Lmanburg arguably was a more powerful and independent country during schlatts presidency but that was a shitshow for an array of other reasons. Lmanburg has no power. They rely on the illusion of power and dream is the one who has allowed them to live in this illusion. Tubbo and the cabinet are just as much figureheads as Eret is. The only difference is that Eret knows that he a figurehead.

See the problem is that i don’t think blowing up lmanburg will actually get techno any closer to his goal of anarchy. because the closest thing the smp has to a government that actually has power is dream. The one techno is working with. And lmanburg has been blown to smithereens before, almost none of the land is there and even if that chunk is blown to kingdom come the people who made of that country are probably just going to remake it whether for better or for worse. Now don’t get me wrong lmanburg has done some real fucked up shit throughout its history and it’s never really been successful in standing for the ideals it claims. One of the more recent examples of this being the butcher army on which I completely side with techno, while lmanburg has every right to be pissed at techno this was a completely unlawful and unjust attempt of an execution. However as previously stated dream allows them to have the power to do this. Not to their knowledge but he knew this was in the world before it happened. He could have intervened in anyway but he chose to do it in a way that would put techno is as much debt to him as possible. Leading him to the totems of undying and then only stepping in to guide Carl and techno into the final control room. In this way he allowed technos life to be in danger (tho technoblade never dies) and maximized just how much dream saved his ass. And he did this to maximize the amount of power he had over techno through the debt. Because that’s what it’s all about for dream: power. Power through gaining the disks, power through debts and even power from flexing his power by randomly appointing and demoting people. Techno is too focused on the official governments that he’s ignoring the actual person in power of it all. And I do not predict that this will be fruitful in the long run. Dream is going to betray Techno and it might involve the prison or him claiming that favor for something techno really fucking doesn’t want to do. Or dream might use that favor to indefinitely dangle the power he has through it over technos head. And while techno has taken some precautions about this (ie not showing at the wither skulls he has) I still don’t think he’s in as good as a position to achieve his goals as he thinks he is. 

Thank you for coming to my long and rambling Ted talk I am ready for a (friendly) fight in the Socratic ring.

[im-the-punk-who]

Can you explain how a slave revolt in the Bahamas could have changed the history of America?

HELLO ANON FROM LIKE FOUR MONTHS AGO! I kept meaning to go back to this and then uhhh forgetting to do that. (Also thank you for indulging me and sending this sort-of-directly-asked-for-question lmao)

So. Here’s a brief overview of how a successful slave revolt like in Black Sails could have changed the history of not just America, but the entire world. And quite, well - easily - had the circumstances in Black Sails presented themselves. 

First off, standard disclaimer that this is all conjecture based on my own research and knowledge of both history and Black Sails. It isn’t meant as a takedown of anyone else’s views, or the character’s actions. The strongest I would call this is a wishful critique of the choices the writers made to include the things they did in the way they were included, and the way those same writers chose to end the story they chose to tell. And maybe, a little bit, a frustration of how the inevitability of american history is used as a given in fandom to defend certain character’s actions - but it is not meant to invalidate the reasons behind those actions. Just to point out that those reasons were more emotionally than factually driven (Which is cool! And very real to the kinds of tragedies that play out in real life revolutions! Vive le realismé!)

Also quite obviously I’m not a professional in any way. I was eating soup from a can as I wrote this. I am now eating cookies for dinner. I am writing this because it’s fun for me. It’s fun!! If deep thought-experiment type analysis of media isn’t your cuppa, that’s fine - you can keep scrolling.

I’ve included major historical events from 1700-1740 since that is the general time period that Black Sails draws its history from. In particular, most of the later seasons’ historical references come from the 1730s. While I’ve tried to be as thorough as possible...there are so many ways history could have been changed by a tiny action that it would be impossible to cover them all. For brevity, I’m focusing on the history of the Bahamas, the Caribbean, and Colonial America. I’ll touch on other places as is relevant but like......it’s world history for a reason.

Okay, here goes.

So first and foremost, to understand how it’s destruction could have changed America, you really need to understand just how much economic power chattel slavery gave colonial empires and England in particular. 

Slavery was the most important economic force in Colonial England, and not just in what the slaves produced. The slave trade itself was the most lucrative business in existence at the time. If you want to learn more about that, I highly recommend listening to this podcast, which does an excellent job of explaining how the economic buying and selling and bonding of slaves was of such value to colonial empires. This is important because the most powerful contemporary argument for the continuation of slavery was that it “could not be ended in the Americas until there was certainty that it wouldn’t create social or economic irritation.” (Thomas Jefferson, 1783.)

(Slavery in itself is not something that was unique to the british empire or even the Imperialist governments that created it. Most cultures have had some form of slavery. However, this was not the type of generational slavery that colonial empires employed. In most cases before the 1400s, slaves were not kept slaves solely based on the color of their skin - they were war prisoners, criminals, or debtors. In most cases, slaves could work to buy their freedom, and most importantly, slavery was not an inherited state that passed from parent to child. 

What we think of in terms of colonial slavery is chattel slavery - which is the kind of slavery Europeans imposed on Africans starting in the fifteenth century. These slaves could not buy their freedom. They were viewed as property instead of human beings based on their race and their children were automatically enslaved in the same way they were. They were mistreated, and viewed as subhuman, without any chance of escaping the bonds which had been forced upon them.

Because of this new type of slavery that started in the colonial era, Europeans needed to justify why they were entitled to own other people as slaves. They needed to convince themselves and other people that there was some moral justification for chattel slavery. This is what led to all the myths of ‘happy’ servitude, racial inferiority, and any ‘benefits’ slavery imparted to slaves. These were all lies created by philosophical thinkers and plantation owners and politicians that let settlers convince themselves they were not committing crimes of immense magnitude against other human beings. For much of the colonial era, these were the norm in thinking and their vestiges still linger today. But these were used to justify slavery because of how important it was economically.

And of course there were always dissenters. Since slavery was first introduced to the colonies there were people who knew that this sort of treatment was just not very gucci. These people argued that slavery went against the very nature of a ‘just’ society. That benefitting off the mistreatment of other human beings was akin to spiritual robbery, and that “European colonies should be destroyed rather than create so many unfortunates!” (Louis Jaucourt, 1754). With your goddamn motherfucking chest Jaucourt. The Quakers of Pennsylvania were strong proponents of abolition since the 1670’s! James Oglethorpe(yes, that Oglethorpe) himself was a staunch abolitionist who went as far as to make slavery illegal in Georgia when he formed the colony in 1733.

The economic power of slavery was used as a justification to keep it intact for hundreds of years and many colonists were happy with this, but it’s important to remember that not everyone was. England and the colonists were far from unanimously in support of the practice. This becomes important later! Like, this is the basis for the whole argument of how a drawn out war in the Bahamas could have ended slavery and changed colonial imperialism.)

OKAY NOW THAT WE’VE GOT THAT COVERED. 

Now let’s go to the people it affected. Enslaved black people have been fighting against their enslavement since they were taken from their homes and brought across the Atlantic in the 15th century. Starting in the 1700s, slave revolts started to see more and more success in these efforts, until in the late 1700s and early 1800s public opinion of slavery finally dropped enough that it was outlawed in the colonial empires of England and France. In the years of 1700-1740, there were several rebellions in the North American area including:

1712 New York Slave Revolt (British Province of New York)

1730 Chesapeake rebellion (British Chesapeake Colonies)

1733 St. John Slave Revolt (Danish Saint John)

1739 Stono Rebellion ((British Province of South Carolina)

1741 New York Conspiracy (British Province of New York)

And of course, 

1728-1739 First Maroon War (British Jamaica)

This is the war which the war in Black Sails is based on. The treaty that was offered by Woodes Rogers in Black Sails is almost word for word(minus the pirates bit) the treaty offered to the Leeward Maroons in this war. There are references to the factions in this war and even some of the historical people involved in it. The major difference? The Maroon war was successful. The Maroons were so good at warfare on their turf that the British were unable to sustain any major victories against them. After ten years they offered the Maroons a treaty granting them governmental agency(although not independence). In return, the Maroons agreed to return any escaped slaves back to the British, and to help the British fight off “invaders”. The Leeward maroons led by Cudjoe(Julius, in Black Sails) took this offer to avoid more fighting because he believed in an honorable peace with the enemy. Queen Nanny and her Windward Maroons(The Maroon Queen and Madi in Black Sails) refused because like....bruh those terms suck. After a year she was pressured into relenting by Cudjoe, but within thirty years the Maroons had started another war, dissatisfied with how the treaty was being carried out. 

(This is Queen Nanny. And yes, she is better than you.)

I also need to mention that Africans were not the only ones in North America hurt by British Colonialism, nor the only ones for whom abolition and an end to colonial empire was attractive. The Native Americans were also a constant frustration to the colonies, and, because it’s relevant to later things, I want to mention one incident in particular: 

The Yamasee War (1715-1717)

The Yamasee were a Lower Creek tribe that lived in what is today Georgia/Florida. The war was fought over a bunch of different things, including trading systems and colonists depleting the game in the area, but also because of the colonists’ nasty habit of trying to enslave Native American people. Bummer. So a bunch of tribes(and I mean a bunch - there were Shawnee and Cherokee factions, as well as about half a dozen other distinct nations that joined in the fight in sort of that loose ‘hey you hate these guys? we hate these guys!’ way.)

 Long story short, this war was a pretty significant factor in the colonists in the South not enslaving(outright) Native Americans anymore, and instead increasing the import of African slaves to the south. After this war the Yamasee split into two factions, one anti-colonist and one pro-colonist. The pro-colonist people called themselves the Yamacraw, and it was these people who granted Oglethorpe(yes, that Oglethorpe) the land which he used to found Georgia. Moral of the story, alliances between abolitionists and indigenous tribes were already in place in the colonies. Just waiting for a chance to be used.

(Tomochichi, the leader of the Yamacraw and very cool accessorizor)

(Yet ANOTHER thing to keep in mind is that before the end of the 18th century, both Haiti and Grenada would see major revolutions against their colonial empires. Slaves in all provinces and colonies were continually fighting for their freedom. What they lacked was a unifying force that supplied them enough power and cohesion to fight the empire man-to-man, so to speak.)

SO. INTO THIS SCENE, ENTER JAMES FLINT - ANGRIEST OF MLM SCALLYWAGS AND TACTICIAN EXTRAORDINAIRE.

(So cute.)

Anyway, the Golden Age of Piracy was largely over by the early 1720 - most of the pirates of Nassau took Rogers’ pardon and reintegrated as citizens of society. That or they like....died. A lot of them died. Gruesomely. Nasty business, piratry. So, if we assume that in Black Sails’ history that Flint and Silver managed to convince the Maroons to rebel ten years earlier, join with the pirates who did not want to assimilate, and start a revolution; now instead of two separate wars Britain is now fighting one much bigger, nastier, more expensive one. 

Backed by people with a good deal of money at their disposal. Cha-ching.

Keep in mind that Britain had already been at war for almost thirty years with first the Glorious Revolution and the Jacobite risings(1688-forever) and the War of Spanish Succession(1701-1714). Their resources had already been depleted. And this was why the American colonies(and India) had become so important to them. Remember what I said about the economic importance of slavery? It’s because Brtitain was using the slave trade to refill its coffers after an extensive and costly military campaign. 

So now, this new war is not only putting an additional drain on the empire’s resources before Britain has had a chance to replenish itself but it is also taking away the very source of income needed to replenish itself. (Since the war would target places heavy with slave trading.) In addition, the pirates handed a significant defeat to the British Navy that ended with the Navy retreating - turning tail and running from the island. This was actually a huge victory and one that was sort of downplayed in the show but would be incredibly significant in the event of a long campaign.

Rogers is not taking Nassau with the full support of Britain. He is only fighting with the traitors who did not return when the Navy withdrew. That is why he has to go to Spain in the first place. 

The show has also told us that this rebellion is already starting to be widely known - pirates and slaves from Barbados, the Bahamas, as far as Massachusetts are coming to aid the rebellion in the hopes of freedom. This is not a small thing. 

Even with the loss of the Walrus and most of the Walrus crew, there are still thousands of fighters on the Maroon Island. Slaves, mainland pirates - the defeat of the Walrus was a personal defeat but in the grand scheme of a larger war it was a small loss in what was ultimately a huge victory. 

Rogers has been squarely defeated. Because of that, they now have Nassau as a base. The war now has two strongholds - one protected by the forest and one protected by a fort - into which they can store supplies, retreat, and organize attacks from. If they can free the rest of the slaves on the island of Nassau and either oust or convert the puritans, all the better. 

The war at the point Rogers is defeated was far from a never-ending thing. In fact I would say that Flint is absolutely right - they are incredibly close to a decisive victory. England cannot afford to muster a large enough force to defeat two entrenched enemies working together - especially ones as well financed as we’re led to believe the chest would make the Maroons and Pirates. Even if Britain could somehow convince Spain and/or France to join them, both of those nations have also been severely depleted by wars of their own. And again, the more nations that Britain brings in, the more potentially disaffected people could be brought in to join the pirates(see, Haiti and Grenada specifically, both of which were French colonies at the time, and the Spanish colonies of Cuba, Puerto Rico, etc). 

So from here, the smartest thing for the rebellion to do would be to hit large plantations: to both free the slaves and cripple Britain’s economy. Make slavery more costly to enforce than it is profitable to sustain, and build their numbers for the war as well, as well as like, you know, freeing slaves. Make it so that Britain could not sustain the cost of trying to fight it - as James said all the way back in 1705. Force a surrender on economic grounds.

So now, the power behind the empire has been broken. Even assuming a modest victory, the course of the entire world - not just the Americas - has changed. In victory, let’s say the Bahama/Caribbean islands are freed from British rule. Slavery in the americas will also never be able to get the foothold it does, historically. 

With a free nation actively willing to target slave plantations and ships sitting between it and Africa, the colonial slave trade is finished. Now sure, they could use the existing slaves, but it would be oh-so-easy for the Pirates and Maroons, alongside their hopeful new Native and abolitionist allies, to target large plantations and cripple them. 

If slavery never gets a foothold in the south, northern colonies never build the banks and mills and economic powerhouses that profit from the cheap produce, and most find another way to survive. Perhaps, if we’re going really all out, they start working with the native americans - learning ways to cultivate and grow crops with the land and in balance, rather than clearing thousands of acres for damaging cash crops. 

I want to be really, really clear about this because it is incredibly important. Without slavery, the British empire would not have bee able to sustain itself. It would not have the power. And the more it tried to tax the colonists to recoup its losses, the angrier those people were likely to get, and perhaps join the Maroons and Pirates, or perhaps evens start the american revolution early - maybe even with the help of the newly independent Jamaican/Bahaman island nations. 

This break in the power of colonial empires would shift world history into something unrecognizable as we know it. The empires would still exist, of course, but they would be set on their heels - France and Spain would see what happened to Britain and be less inclined to keep slavery legal in their own colonies. Power is split more evenly among the world, and indigenous and black/African nations are not wiped out in genocidal bids for power. 

Which brings me to India. If the Indian rebellions learned of what happened in America and the Bahamas, or if america had drained enough of britain’s resources that the British East India Trading Company was not able to be as controlling of the area, this could have meant independence centuries earlier, as well as a much easier path to independence. Think about what could have been if the Indian people had been able to oust a struggling empire from its shores an entire century before it historically did. 

(This bad boy is Mangal Pandey, who led the first major Indian revolution in the mid 1800s. In the movie adaptation his boyfriend best friend is played by Toby Stephens so I’m connecting the dots.)

Once the colonies of America and India are gone, Britain loses almost the entirety of its colonial power. (And this isn’t even including all the smaller colonies which could cloak their own independence in these big revolutions and the lack of (as much) of an indigenous genocide in many of these places. The economic disparity that defines Black experience in places that the British colonial system touched never gets a hold, and they are able to build their own economies in ways that benefit them and the places they live. 

Think about the wealth of culture in ALL nations that would not have been destroyed, had Britain not been allowed to swallow whole swaths of land whole. 

And, look. I know this is fiction. I know that of course, none of this happened, and that Black Sails is a fictional landscape. I know that so many things could go differently than I imagine them. I know that to extrapolate like this relies heavily on actually caring about a world that is completely different from ours and envisioning how that could come about. 

I also know, that it is just as important to tell these sorts of stories as telling stories about how small acts could have changed things immensely, as it is to tell them about how society must stay the same. It is just as important to tell stories about ‘what if colonialism were able to be stopped’ as it is to tell dystopian stories about the end of the world. It may not be as much fun, but it is important to remember that our power doesn’t lie an indiscernible amount of time in the future, after the world has already gone to shit. It lies with us, right now. And that even if it is hard to see, our actions have the power to shape history.

[fydream]

even if it is, just for tonight | p. js

☌ genre: jisung x reader, slice of life(ish), fluff, angst?, high school!au? kinda.. i wouldn't say it's a college!au but it's the summer before you move to college, the mood is a teenage coming of age movie where the main characters sneak out and do things but like not illegal things yk, best friends to lovers because i'm a sucker for that!!, inspired by life is strange episode 3 + we go up era/the we go up mv teaser + the perks of being a wallflower, mentions of ex-boyfriend!jaemin, say hi to skater boy!renjun!!! also say hi to college boy!johnny!! they're more of a touch and go but they'd appreciate a hello :-)

☌ songs/playlist: 🎵(yes these go in order of the story,,, the most important songs though are "aint it fun by" paramore and "fallingforyou" by the 1975 and maybe "is there somebody who can watch you" also by the 1975)

☌ word count: 7.3k!! 

☌ warnings: food mention, cursing, uhh breaking and entering? i wouldnt really say that but it's more off you jumping a fence and trespassing lol, also this is semi proof read lmao sorry

☌ author note: this is dedicated to my dear friend cam!! (@huangsilks​) happy birthday i love you <333 here's a lil fic bc ur senior year got cut short and as much as i wish i could give it to you, i cant, and im so sorry about that. so take this fic in return <33 mwah // all i want to do is live in a teen coming of age movie is that too much to ask for? and that's on the media romanticizing your teenage years!

☌ disclaimer: this has no relation to htbah!jisung at all. this is a completely different universe. thank you.

─ 10:45pm;

The last day of summer vacation is always fun until you realize that the sun has started to set and the inevitability of tomorrow starts creeping into your thoughts.

So what were you doing on your last day (or night in this case) of summer? You weren't doing anything special, just looking through your room and going through the various photos you had put up on your walls, recalling past memories from your previous years in high school.

Tomorrow night you were leaving your small town and moving across the country to attend college. Needless to say you were excited to move away and get a fresh start but the one thing you weren't ready for was to say goodbye to everyone.

You didn't have a going away party like everyone else, you decided not to because that meant you were actually leaving. Though your bags were packed and your room was put together, it didn't feel like you were going to college. The realization hasn't hit yet, it just felt like another normal night. You were busy looking through one of the memory boxes you had in your room when you felt your phone buzz, indicating you've gotten a text.

[sungie: hey]

[sungie: wanna go on an adventure?]

[you: wtf? the sun set already, if i get caught i'm done for!]

[sungie: c'mon.. live a little]

[sungie: im picking you up in five, get ready :)]

Park Jisung. Your best friend since, well, since elementary. He's the boy who you grew up with, the boy who you happened to survive all of high school and middle school with, he's also the boy who happened to capture your heart doing the simplest things you could imagine.

He was your first crush, but not your first boyfriend.

He also happened to be the boy who was always there for you, no matter what. So if you were going to spend your last night in the town you grew up in, why not spend it with your best friend, Park Jisung himself?

Seeing as that he was already on his way, it left you with no choice. Grabbing the closest hoodie near you, you silently made your way to your front door where you slipped on your shoes before heading outside as quietly as you could.

It takes a few minutes before you see a familiar car pull up on your childhood street. Approaching the vehicle, you hear music playing that's only being muffled due to the windows that are rolled up and the doors being shut closed.

"Hey." He says lowering the volume as you open the door to his passenger seat. "Are you ready?"

"You're fucking insane." You snort as you buckle your seatbelt. "Wake up my whole neighborhood why don't you?"

"I mean.. Only if you want me too.." He teases, placing his hand on his car horn.

"Don't you dare!" You squeal, trying to grab his wrist before he could attempt to wake up your whole neighborhood. To no avail, you failed which resulted in a fit of laughter from him.

"C'mon. Live a little." He says once more before driving away from your. house, turning out of your neighborhood and onto the empty streets.

"Where are we going?" You ask, watching the streetlights pass by.

"It's a surprise."

"That's so ominous."

"I know."

"Could you at least give me a hint?" You whine.

"I'll give you one word."

"I'll take whatever I can get."

"Okay, the word is playground."

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" You ask, shooting him a glare.

"Hey! you said you'll take what you can get, and I'm giving you one word." He defends.

"You're annoying." You mumble, turning away from him to look back out the window.

"So I've been told." He snorts, focusing his attention back on the road.

Your first stop of the night is the playground of your elementary school.

It was kind of unexpected because the last time you were here was probably when you attended school here, years ago. To be honest, you were expecting to be taken to the park near your house. The playground there was mostly abandoned due to all the kids on your street growing up, you would still see other children playing on the swings or sliding down one of the tube slides but those were on good days. Most of the time it was just empty.

"School?" You ask confused, watching as Jisung unbuckles his seatbelt and opens his door to step outside, you doing the same. "Jisung, we're way to big for this playground, you know that. Why are we even here?"

"You'll see." He says, grabbing your hand to drag you over towards the gate that they used to fence off the playground. ”Are you ready?"

"Ready for what?" You ask, earning a wink in response. "Oh my god.. Jisung no!"

Before you could realize what was about to happen, the hand that Jisung was using to hold yours was now being used to help pull himself over the chain linked fence that lead to your school's playground. After successfully throwing himself over the top of the fence and landing on the other side with a light thud, he smiles at you. "Your turn."

"What the hell?! No way!" You protest. "I can't even climb a fence! You know this!"

"Actually. That's false." He confidently states, knowing he’ll win this argument. "You climbed a fence Junior year when you were hanging out with Johnny Suh and his friends."

"What? Who told you that?!" You exclaim.

"Just a little someone who's name begins with a little 'Ren' and ends with 'Jun.'" He says playfully, sending you a little wink.

"That brat!" You whisper yell. "That’s the last time I tell Renjun something.." You add, mumbling.

"So, your turn." He repeats, gesturing towards the gate in front of you.

"I can't believe I'm fucking doing this." You mumble before continuing to hoist yourself over the metal fence. Your landing wasn’t as smooth as Jisung’s, seeing as you almost lost balance trying to get down from the top resulting in Jisung having to catch you so you didn’t break an ankle or something.

"See? That wasn't so bad." He snorts, letting you go.

"I hate you." You scoff. "Why are we even here again?"

"I'm glad you asked." He says smiling, grabbing your hand once more. This time, instead of leading you to a fence you had to jump be brings you to a small play structure. It takes you approximately a minute for you to realize where you were and where he was taking you.

"Right here." He says pointing to a red tube slide. "Our first stop of the night. This is where we first met, remember? You practically shoved me down this slide because you wanted to go down it and I was in your way."

You chuckle as the first memory of you and your best friend plays. "Of course? How could I not remember? I got called into the office afterwards because some kid told one of the teachers that I was bullying you. To this day, I still don't know who told on me."

“It was Wendy, if you wanted to know.” He adds. “She told me after she told on you.” He shrugs.

“Of course it was..” You mumble, hopping up to sit against one of the bottom steps that led up to the slide.

"Is this what we came here for?" You ask, looking up at the boy who was currently climbing up the side of the playground structure.

"Ding ding ding! We have a winner!" He yells loud enough for anyone in a five mile radius hear. Maybe it’s because of how quiet it is at this time of night, or maybe it’s because he just got louder whenever he was with you. But those were besides the point, if there were any cops around right now you two would definitely have gotten caught thanks to Jisung.

He makes his way to a safer spot, where he can jump down from the top of the playground. Despite the fact he moved you still scold him for his reckless actions. "Don't do that!! You’re going to get hurt! What happens when you jump off of something and finally break your ankle, hm?"

Jisung shrugs in response. "Well you see, it hasn’t happened yet. You can even check, I’m fine. It’s okay."

"You stress me out, you know." You scoff, turning away from him to walk towards the monkey bars that were once too tall for you, but now are nothing compared to your height.

"I know." He shouts from across the playground. Because of how quiet it was with just you two being there in the dead of night you could hear his footsteps along the playground structure. You could hear it creak every now and then, making you wonder if it was Jisung causing then noises of if it was just because of how old the structure is. You think about how long it's been here, how many children have played in the exact spots you were standing in and how many more will until they decide to finally remodel or get rid of it.

"It's been ages since I've been here." You whisper, running your hand along the cool, metal railing as you climb the short steps that lead up to the top, where Jisung was waiting for you.

"I know right? Do you remember this spot?" He asks, taking a seat on the platform, which barely has enough room for both of you. "We used to sit here and gossip about who we thought were cute in the fifth grade." He snorts.

"Yeah.. And when people tried to come up here you'd yell at them for the password." You laugh. "That was really fun. A simpler time." You add, going back replaying through some of your memories which were long forgotten.

For the next couple minutes you and Jisung just sit there, reminiscing to when you were both small children, where your only worry was your guy's spot on the playground being stolen.

“This is nice..” You think to yourself. “It feels the same, just like the good old days.”

"Uhm." Jisung coughs, getting your attention. "We better get going. There are more stops to go and well, we don't have all night do we?"

"Oh. Yeah." You sigh, not wanting to get up from your spot. "Where are we going now?" You ask.

"You'll see." He says, flashing you a grin.

You smile, rolling your eyes at the boy in front of you, who was now attempting (and failing) to slide down the slide in front of you.

"It’s not slippery anymore." He frowns.

"Well, yeah." You giggle, making your way down the same way you came up. "It's been years Sungie. What'd you expect?"

"I dunno. The same amount of slipperiness?"

"You're silly." You tease, lightly pinching his cheek. "Let's go." You’re about to walk away when Jisung grabs your wrist, stopping you from waltzing away to his car.

"Are you sure?" He asks. "You were kinda hesitant to jump a fence you’ll sure you'll be ready to do whatever else I have planned for tonight?" He teases.

"Depends." You hum. "Are we going to get into any kind of trouble?"

"That's up to us."

"Then of course I'm down." You say, dragging him back the way you entered.

─ 12:23am;

The next stop is in the city near your small town. To be more specific it's the rooftop of one of the many parking garages your city has. Jisung's car is the only car parked right now due to the time being nearly twelve thirty in the morning, and you just can't help but wonder why you spent the last half an hour driving to an empty parking garage.

"Okay Park Jisung, why are we here?" You ask, leaning against the railing to look outwards for any sign of reason.

"Well first of all, if you're looking for the reason why you're on the wrong side." He chuckles, leading you towards the opposite side of the rooftop. "And if you look to your left you'll see a small venue." He says in one of those touristy guide voices, earning a giggle from you.

"Hey! Isn't that where we-"

"Saw our first concert?" He cuts you off, finishing your sentence.

"Yeah.. I remember that night. We skipped school that day to make sure we made barricade." You snort.

"It was definitely worth missing a pop quiz and two weeks of being grounded." Jisung comments.

"You act like you didn't sneak out every night during those two weeks." You joke, lightly punching his arm.

He gives you a small pout and a fake "ow." in response. "Well, yeah?" He replies. "How else was I going to see my best friend?"

"Anyone ever told you you're annoying?" You ask rolling your eyes, leaving the edge of the rooftop to walk towards the center.

"Mmm." He hums, looking up to indicate that he was thinking. "I don't think so."

"Well, you are." You say before asking "So why the rooftop?"

"I'm glad you asked." He starts, pulling out a tiny speaker from his jacket pocket. "Remember how you said you were kinda sad that we haven't gone to a concert in a while?"

"Mhm."

"Well congratulations y/n l/n because here I have a tiny speaker that'll make it feel like we're having our own mini concert on the top of this garage building tonight!" He exclaims in a fake announcer voice.

Giggling, you smile at him before going along with the joke. "Oh wow? My own private concert? Right here? Right now? With the only relevant person in my life? How could I even think about passing that up!?"

Jisung snorts before handing you the wireless speaker, allowing you to connect your phone to it. The first song you play is "Ain't It Fun" by Paramore for the sole being of it being that song.

"Paramore?" Jisung asks, a bit confused on why you chose this song out of all things to play.

You smile at him before placing the speaker on the ground. Taking both his hands you say, "Jisung. It's fucking Paramore! Do you not remember this song? This is the one we used to blast on my speakers in my bedroom whenever we had a good day. I miss that. Now c'mon! Dance with me!" You giggle, dragging him away from the speaker and to an emptier spot in the parking lot. And so he does. It's not any choreography or anything, it's just you two jumping around on a rooftop to one of your feel good songs. A carefree moment to be exact, where it feels like nothing really matters anymore.

Jisung smiles, backing away from you to watch as you jammed your heart out. If anything, he would give everything just for you to have this moment forever. He knows how stressful life can be, not to mention how hard you worked just to barely make it into your dream school. He also knows how hard it is to feel alone, so he really isn't surprised that your chose thing song because it was your song. Jisung knows a lot more than you could ever know, so if it means he only has one night left to give you everything, then so be it.

Before you know it you watch as he runs towards you, engulfing you in a hug. Shocked, you try your best to look up towards the boy who had you in his arms. If you weren't this close to him you probably wouldn't have noticed the slight glossy look over his eyes, deciding not to touch on it for now and just accept the hug as the song fades into background noise.

"You're leaving tomorrow." Jisung whispers, before pulling apart from the hug, placing his hands on your shoulders. "You're leaving, tomorrow." He states once more this time, more softly while looking at you in the eyes. "You're gonna go off to some college and find a new, maybe get a new boyfriend, and even get a life of your own."

"You know I'll never replace you." You respond back, voice barely above a whisper. You were looking at the cement on the ground or the buildings that were only light being lit up by the various lights around or the night sky, which you definitely haven't seen in a while. You were looking anywhere, everywhere that wasn't your best friend, because you knew for a fact if you looked at him in this moment you would cry.

"But hey," You say speaking up, finally getting the courage to look him in the eye. "That all starts tomorrow. I'm still here right? We still have what? Like twelve hours? So let's make the most of it while we still can, okay?"

Jisung looks down at you before giving you a sad smile. "Actually it's seventeen hours." He sniffs, letting out a light laugh.

"Okay? So? I've got seventeen hours to spare, do you have seventeen hours to spare?" You ask, teasingly.

"You can have all my time in the world, y/n." Jisung replies, pulling you back into the hug.

"Glad to know." You giggle. "Because I'm willing to give you all of mine."

Soon enough the song ends and you hear the beginning of Fallingforyou by The 1975 start to play.

"Hey," Jisung whispers. "I- Uhm. You know this song reminds me of you?" He says.

"It's does?" You ask, voice muffled due to the fact you were speaking into his chest. "Why?"

"Oh god." He starts. "You can't make fun of me for this though." He says pulling away from the hug.

"I won't. I promise."

"Pinky promise?"

"Pinky promise."

"Okay well.." He starts, walking away from you. "Here goes nothing.." There's hesitation in his voice and you can't tell if it's because what he was going to say would hurt you or if he just never planned on telling you. It's silent for a few seconds before he breathes in and let's out a sigh.

"I used to like you, y'know."

Though this is just the start of his sentence you wonder why it already began to hurt. Perhaps it could be because he started his thought off with 'I used to like you.' Used to, meaning not anymore.

"Back in the beginning of Sophomore year, when I saw that you started dating Na Jaemin I realized how much I liked you. And when I saw how much you were with him and how much fun you were having with him I couldn't help but wish that were me.. I couldn't help but wonder what would've happened if I figured out my feelings before you got with him. And even after you two broke up, I couldn't help but wonder what would happen if I just confessed to you, out of the blue."

"Is that so?" You ask, walking towards the boy who was now seated on the hood of his car.

"Yeah." He whispers, looking down so he didn't have to face you.

"Well, then I have a confession to make." You state, hoping onto the empty space next to him to take a seat. "I used to like you to."

"You did?"

"I did." You hesitantly state.

"Oh.." He whispers. "How long ago?"

"A while ago." You say softly. "I never wanted to risk anything because I didn't want it to affect our friendship. I didn't want to imagine what would happen if we ended up breaking up on a bad note. I didn't want to risk losing my best friend."

"Oh." He sighs.

"What do you think would've happened if we dated?" You ask.

"I dunno actually. I mean, I don't think much would really change.. We're already pretty close, and we basically act like a couple anyways. Just look at us right now." Jisung responds.

You didn't realize it but currently you were snuggled up against his side, with his arm wrapped around you. If Jisung didn't point it you probably wouldn't have noticed. "We do everything together, and we always bring each other gifts. We even went to prom together, remember?"

"Well yeah.. as friends."

"That's besides the point. I'm talking about how people see us y/n. Go ask anyone, Donghyuck thought we were dating."

"He doesn't count. Donghyuck thinks everyone is dating." You snort.

"Okay, then ask Renjun. The reason why he told me you jumped that fence was because he thought that Johnny was gonna steal you from me."

"He did?"

"Yeah. His exact words were 'You're girlfriend just jumped a fence to hang out with J. Suh and them. I'd be careful if I were you, Johnny's known to steal each other's girls.' You should've seen how confused I was and how awkward it was to explain to him that we weren't a couple." Jisung laughs. "He was so confused."

"He thought we were dating?"

"Yeah."

"Jisung." You state, looking up at him. "This is my last night here. And before you tell me to shut up and enjoy the moment I want to tell you one thing, okay? It's really really important to me and I feel like if I don't tell you this right now, I may never will."

"Geez, you're dramatic." He jokes. "What's so important anyways?"

"I still like you."

"Oh.." He whispers. "Oh? Wai-Wait. You still like me?"

You nod.

"Like.. like-like?"

"Yes, like like-like." You chuckle.

"O-Oh.."

There's a moment of silence before anyone says anything else. The only things making noise are the sound of distant cars that you hear drive by, along with the wind as it decides to pick up a slight breeze. Your phone is still playing music but you can barely hear it over your light breathing, which to you, sounds like the loudest thing on world. Your head is occupied with thoughts on why you decided to confess right now and Jisung is left trying to process what you just told him. It only lasts for a few seconds, a minute at most, but it feels like an eternity.

"Hey y/n?" He says softly. You snap your head up, looking towards him. Half of you is ready to hear whatever he has to say while the other half of you is worried that you just ruined everything with four little words. "Yeah?" You ask as your voice cracks a little.

"I still like you too."

"You do?"

"I do."

"So the question becomes, what are we?" You whisper, looking back down at the ground. "I leave tomorrow."

"That doesn't mean anything.." Jisung mumbles.

"What are you talking about? Yes it does. It means everything."

"No, it doesn't." He states, jumping off of his car hood to stand in front of you. "Think about it, you leave tomorrow right?"

"Yeah.."

"Well, like you said. You're still with me right now and we've still got-" He stops, taking a second to glance at his phone to check the time. "About sixteen and a half hours to spare.. So, why not make the most of it?"

"What are you implying?"

He sighs, taking a step closer to you to grab both your hands and pull you off his car hood himself. "Will you, y/n l/n, be my girlfriend? Even if it is, just for tonight?"

You squeeze his hands, unsure of what to say. Of course you want to say yes, this is one of the moments you've been waiting for! Something you never expected to happen! So why were you feeling so unsure?

Maybe it's because you knew this wouldn't last forever, or maybe it's because it was your best friend. Either way, each option had it's pros and cons. You just couldn't figure out which ones outweighed the other.

If you say yes, then you would've got to experience your long term crush being your boyfriend. But it also meant it would end in less than 24 hours, and what if you didn't want that? Sure long distance is an option, but would you be able to do it?

If you say no.. Then what would happen? Would tonight just end up awkward? You didn't want to pine after some boy for so long, and you sure didn't want Jisung to feel embarrassed, especially since both of you just confessed to each other.

So what do you say? You don't have all the time in the world to pick an answer.

"If I were to say yes.." You say, speaking up. "Do you promise nothing will change between us afterwards? Will we still be friends after that?"

"We can be friends." He says. "Or we can be more than friends. We can be whatever you want. I just want you to be happy."

You sigh, letting go of his hands, only taking a second to look at him.

"What?" He asks, moving to get closer to you.

"Nothing." You sigh. "Just thinking."

"About what?"

"About.. us.. You know..  What are we going to do once the sun comes up?"

"Cry and then kiss some more?" He jokes, hoping to lighten the mood a bit.

"Sungie.. I'm being serious. What are we gonna do?"

"I don't know, y/n. If I'm going to be honest I don't want to think about it either.. I didn't think that far ahead!"

"I know you didn't but we have to talk about it. It's bound to happen."

"What is?"

"Us.. breaking up.."

"You didn't even accept my offer and you're already thinking about us breaking up?" He asks. In his head it sounded okay, but by the look on your face he can tell it came off differently.

"What?" You ask.

"We could always do long distance y'know.."

"Sungie. Look at me." You sigh, looking at him in the eyes. "I'm moving across country and you're staying here, without me. What did you think was going to happen?"

"I didn't think anything was going to happen! I just wanted to spend one night with you as my girlfriend!" He yells, and you take a step back at the sudden volume change.

"You expected me to say yes?"

"No! Of course not! I didn't even plan any of this! I prepared for the worst, but then you brought up the whole liking thing and it just.. I don't know?! Gave me hope?"

"I don't know.. what'll happen when the sun comes up, y/n. I don't know what'll happen at all. I just want you to be happy.. and if that means we have to finish this night as just friends, then I'll be okay with that. We can pretend like nothing happened and we can just go on-"

"What if I don't wanna pretend like nothing happened?" You ask, cutting him off.

"What if.. I wanna say yes, but I'm just too scared to?"

"Why would you be scared?" He asks.

"Because.. if I do.. and this happens to be the best night of my life.. I don't want it to end."

"The answer I want to give you is, 'it doesn't have to end.' but that would just be a broken promise on my part." He sighs, giving you a sad smile. "But the answer I will give you is, we can make the most of it, but that's only up to you. So I'm asking you again, y/n l/n. Will you be my girlfriend?"

"Yes." You sigh, nodding your head reluctantly.

He pulls you into a hug and even though it's just a hug, it's one of the best hugs you've ever experienced. It's more on the comforting side, which would explain why you felt warm and at home. But it different from the hugs you've shared before.

"So where are we off to now?" You ask, ready to officially start tonights adventure. It comes out more muffled due to the fact that you're still holding each other.

"You're so eager." Jisung pouts. "Can't we just stay like this for a while?"

"I suppose so.. It's nice."

─ 3:06am;

The third stop of the night is diner just a couple minutes away from your high school. It's open 24hours meaning you'd see students come here after dances and school events, two of them being you two. One of the convenient things about this place was that it also had a small arcade connected to it. Maybe it was just a marketing strategy, but it worked so this is where you spent the majority of your free time.

"Hungry?" He asks, pulling up in the parking spot in front of the entrance door.

"Why are we here?" You ask, glancing over at the radio to check the time. "It's three am.."

"So?" He asks. "Let me take you on a date. We can even share a milkshake if you'd like." He teases.

"How romantic." You snort.

"Y/n!! I'm being serious!" He whines. "Do you know how badly I've wanted to take you on a date here?"

"Well.. Technically we have gone on one, multiple to be exact." You claim.

"Oh yeah? Name them."

"Our study sessions for SAT's?"

"I meant a proper date! You call suffering together while we complain about the future a proper date?!" He exclaims.

"Okay then how about all the times we came here after a dance or sport event hmm?" You ask.

"Those don't count! We went as friends!"

"I like to count them as dates.." You admit. "After all, they're the best ones I've been on."

"Oh really?" He asks. "Better than the ones that Na Jaemin has taken you on?"

"Uh, yeah? Of course?"

"Take that Jaemin!" He exclaims, causing you to giggle.

"What's your deal with him anyways?" You ask, curious on what he has to say.

"Well.. he's the person I'm competing with, right? For best boyfriend?"

You roll your eyes. "It's not a competition. Besides, if it was, then you'd automatically win." You tease. "So are we going on a date or what?"

Jisung giggles. "Yeah. Let's go."

The diner is empty. There isn't anyone but a lone police officer, drinking a cup of what you assumed to be coffee; two girls who happen to look like they're on a date, and another boy, who seemed to be around you and Jisung's age, working on paper of some sort.

Taking your seat in a familiar spot you look past Jisung (who was seated in front of you) and out the window behind him. You still have a few more hours until the sun comes up, but seeing the moon slowly make it's way down hurts just a bit.

"Hey." Jisung says, drawing your attention back at him. "You zoned out a bit there, you're not falling asleep on me are you?" He teases.

"Pffft! You wish!" You say a little bit too loudly, earning a glare from the cop seated a few booths away from you.

"So about that milkshake.." You trail off. "What flavor did you get?"

"Strawberry."

You scrunch your nose at his answer. "Why?"

"I dunno." He shrugs. "It's pink, I thought it'd be romantic."

"You're cute."

"I know."

"That wasn't a compliment."

"I'll take it as one."

"I- Nevermind."

"Whaaat?"

"You're lucky you're cute."

"You think I'm cute?"

You scoff at him. "Of course I do."

"Ah, okay. Cause I think I'm cute too." He snickers.

"Hey!" You gasp, earning a light laugh from him.

"It's okay I think you're cute too." He says scrunching his nose.

You stick your tongue out at him, looking away to fake being upset.

"Ah boo hoo. Don't be like that."

You're just about to argue back when the waitress who took your order earlier places down the milkshake that Jisung ordered in the middle of you two. She also drops two straws on the table along with it. Both of you thank her and after she leaves you decide to ask Jisung a question.

"Hey Sungie?" You ask, ripping off the paper wrapping to your straw. "Why this place?"

"You're kidding me, right?"

With a smile, you shake your head no at his response and he lets out a sigh.

"Do you really want to know?"

"Yeah!" You nod. "Why?:

"This is where I realized that I was in love with you."

It takes a second for you to process what he had just said. It doesn't hit you right away but the more that you think about it, the more you realize what he meant.

"O-Oh.. Here?" You ask, as if you were unsure of where you were.

He nods in response and watches as you try to put together the pieces of how he figured out he loved you.

"Why?" You ask. "It's not like we've done anything special here. The most we've done is come here after prom.. and the rest of the dances I guess, but prom is the only one that I can really think about."

He giggles. "It doesn't have to be a big event for it to mean something y'know. I realized I was in love with you the summer going into sophomore year. You remember how we came here that night? After I so happened to convince you to sneak out and come to the movies with me?"

"Duh!" You exclaim. "How can I ever forget that?! I had to climb out my fucking window for you, do you know how scary that was? And we had to walk all the way there because neither of us could drive yet!"

"Hey in my defense I said that Johnny could've driven us. You just didn't wanna get caught!"

You roll your eyes at him. "No. That is not why, and hey! Don't try to make this conversation about me! You're the one who's supposed to be explaining stuff right now!"

"Damn." He scoffs. "Ya caught me. Well, anyways, before I was rudely interrupted-"

"You're the one who asked me a question!" You defend.

Ignoring you, he continues. "You remember how we were sitting in this spot, complaining about sophomore year before it even started?"

You nod.

"Well you were going off on some kind of rant- I don't even remember what it was about- but you just kept talking and you didn't seem to notice that I wasn't listening because I was too busy admiring how you looked. Maybe it was because it was the middle of the night, and both of us were very much sleep deprived but for some reason, it just hit me. I don't remember what it was about you, but it was that moment when I realized 'oh my god. this is what it's like to be in love.' y'know? Like you're finally realizing what it's like to be in love with someone, rather than just loving someone. Do you get what I mean?"

You shake your head no.

"Oh c'mon!" He whines. "I can't be the only one who knows what I'm talking about! It's like finally realizing what all the love songs are about, it's just like.. some kind of feeling! And it was just different how I felt from you, being my best friend, and you, being the person I had a crush on. I don't know how to explain it.. but it was just.. amazing."

"Yeah?" You ask.

"Yeah." He nods.

"Is that so? Well.. then maybe I do know what you're talking about."

"What do you mean?" He asks.

"You just did it."

"Wha- huh?! What did I do?"

"You're cute." You giggle.

"You weren't listening, huh?" He says, smiling.

"Nope! Not at all."

"So you do know what I'm talking about then?"

"Of course I do."

"You're so cute." He giggles.

"I know." You respond.

"I'm glad we agree."

─ 5:22am;

The last stop of the night is some place familiar. You didn't expect this location as much as you did others, so when Jisung decided to park here you didn't know what else to say.

"We're at.. your place?"

"Yeah." He nods, walking towards the gate that lead to his backyard.

"We're not going inside?" You ask, confused on where you were going.

"Pffft. Inside? Why would we go in there? Now c'mon, let's go."

Following Jisung into his backyard is nice. You see a lot of roses and plants that hug the side of his house. As you continue to walk you get various memories from when you two would hang out back here, before you got bored and decided that there was more to the world than Jisung's backyard.

"Okay. Do you want to go first? Or do you want me to?" He asks once you reach a ladder that lead to the roof of his house.

"You chose a ladder?" You whine. "Why didn't we just climb out one of your windows or something?"

"Because y/n!" He teases. "Where's the fun in that? Besides we've already done that before, why not do something different tonight?"

"You mean climb a ladder to sit on your roof instead of climbing out your bedroom window like we normally do?"

"See you do get me! That's exactly what I'm saying." He exclaims. "Now c'mon, up we go!" He smiles.

It's nicer than you expected. You don't know how or when he did it but he already had not one, but two blankets prepared. You assumed he put it here before he left to pick you up or he just asked one of your friends to leave them here. Judging by the fact that they didn't feel freezing cold, and that the ladder was already propped up to the side of his house when you got here, you assumed he asked Renjun or Jeno to leave them here.

"So.." You start.

"Please don't ask why I chose my own house." He jokes.

"Okay well first of all, I wasn't." You defend. "I was gonna ask what are we doing on your roof at five in the morning, but now that you mention it.. Why did you choose your house? We could've gone to so many other places."

He gives you a confused look, allowing you to ask, "What?"

"Please tell me the second question was a joke." He sighs.

You give him a smile and he pats the empty spot next to him, signaling for you to take a seat.

"Okay y/n, since you wanna know so badly, I'll tell you, yeah?" He asks, clearly annoyed at the fact that he chose his own house for gods sake.

You giggle. "You don't have to answer it you know. I know why."

"Okay, then I'll ask you. Why?"

"Because," You tease in a sing-songy voice. "Where else would we have gone? Technically, we started tonight at my place so why not end it with yours? We've spent a significant amount of time together, right?" You ask and he gives you a nod in return.

"Exactly. So it would just make sense that we have two halves of one whole, right? You pick out the places, and I bring back the memories. Right?" You explain.

"Congratulations. You've figured it out."

"Of course?" You giggle.

"Do you wanna know why we're up here though?" He asks.

"Yeah sure, why not?"

"It's because we can see the sunrise better from here. Yeah we used to just sit on the roof and talk in the middle of the day, or we'd watch the sun set, but we've never really watched it rise together before, y'know?"

"Really?" You ask. "Are you sure about that? We've pulled all nighters together before!"

"Yeah but one of us is either half asleep or just not paying attention."

"Hmm. I guess you're right about that." You hum.

"Do you promise we'll get a pretty sunrise?" You ask.

"Christ y/n. I don't control the weather! Who do I look like, mother nature?"

"Hey, mother nature is badass!" You scold. "She could literally end everything right here, right now."

"I suppose so." He hums, wrapping an arm around you to pull you closer to him. You rest your head against him and for a while you two just sit there in silence, no words just being said. Just the sounds of your breathing plus some birds chirping due to the current time. It's nice and comfortable. It feels like home.

You feel yourself about to start falling asleep when Jisung starts talking.

"I'm really gonna miss you.. y'know." He sighs, turning his head to look at you. If he didn't know you any better he'd think you actually fell asleep, it's only the sound of you humming the word "yeah?" that informs him you're still awake.

"What's the thing you're gonna miss most about me?" You ask.

"You expect me to chose one?" He asks, only earning another hum in response.

"Okay.. Well.. For starters, I'm going to miss seeing you everyday. I'm gonna miss not being able to text my best friend 'hey let's hangout today' and then just sitting in my room playing Mario Kart with you for the next three hours. I'm gonna miss your little roasts that you'd pull on me whenever I do anything stupid. I'm gonna miss our boba runs we used to have each week. I'm gonna miss causing chaos on the rest of our friends because how else are they going to prepare for trouble if there isn't two of us? There's so many things that I'm gonna miss about you that I could just go on and on about but we don't have enough time for that." He sighs.

"Really.. I'm just gonna miss you."

A second passes before Jisung decides to speak up again. "Are you gonna miss me too?"

"That's a silly question." You sigh. "Of course I am dummy. You expect me to not miss you? What am I gonna do without my partner in crime? My best friend and technically my boyfriend? You expect me to move across country and not miss you at all? Are you insane?!"

"Only a little." He jokes, earning a light punch from you.

"If I could take you with me I would."

"So why don't you?"

"Where are you gonna live? My fucking closet? I can't let you do that, you'll get too cramped in there." You joke.

"I guess.." He pouts.

"So.. What's gonna happen.. between us?" He asks.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, we're watching the sun rise, aren't we?"

"I guess.. I just didn't expect it to fly by that fast.." You mumble.

Another moment of comfortable silence passes before either of you say anything. This one lasts for about ten minutes, fifteen at most, with the only sounds being your shallow breathing catching your attention. It's comforting, just being like this. Laying on Jisung's side while having his arm wrapped around you and a blanket hugging you both. The wind picks up a breeze every now and then making you shiver a bit due to the lack of warmth but that only makes you snuggle closer to Jisung in hopes of stealing his body heat.

"Thank you.. for tonight." You whisper. "It's all I could've asked for."

"I'm really glad you liked it. I'm just happy I got to spent time with you before you left." He chuckles.

"I'm gonna miss you."

"Yeah?"

"So much."

The sunrise is pretty. It's one of the best ones you've seen in your entire life. It consisted of pinks, and yellows, and a little bit of purple. Though there were wispy clouds in it, it was like the earth was telling you it's okay to move on and go. Some may say it would be a perfect way to end a beautiful night,  or in your case, the perfect way to say goodbye.

[kuiperblog]

Feel-good “bad ends”

Movie protagonists are often breaking the rules. This is true even when our protagonists are on the right side of the law: after all, nobody’s perfect. (And if they were, we probably wouldn’t like them as much: after all, it’s hard for a character to have a “growth arc” if they start from a place of perfection. And making occasional mistakes reminds us that, just like us, they’re only human: they’re more relatable.)

But when our protagonists break the rules, it often leads toward one of two different endings: either they get caught and punished for their transgressions (which can make for a feelbad ending), or they get away with it scot-free. Most movies opt for the latter, but it can often feel unsatisfying, because there’s a real sense in which we want to see our protagonists reap the consequences of their actions.

Usually, it’s not a problem for them to suffer the consequences if their transgression is minor. For example, if the main character says something mean to his love interest, he can get a slap in the face -- and having paid for his transgressions, he can then immediately be rewarded with whatever feel-good conclusion the audience is in the mood for.

However, sometimes the protagonist’s transgressions are more dire, and demand more dire consequences. Recently, I’ve found two movies that manage to end with something that is, in an objective sense, a very bad outcome for the main characters, and exactly in proportion to what they deserve for their significant transgressions during the film, yet still allows for a “feel-good” ending. Naming those examples would by itself probably be a spoiler, so...spoilers for an Edgar Wright movie and a Pixar movie (and a Rocky movie) below the fold.

Heist movies are the classic example of a movie formula where the protagonists break a ton of rules and, in the case of a feelgood ending, basically can’t suffer any consequences. Either they get caught and it’s a moral aesop about how crime doesn’t pay, or they get away with it and we’re happy that our characters, who are really quite morally virtuous apart from their tendency to commit acts of robbery, are able to enjoy the spoils they’ve absconded with.

Baby Driver is a movie that I think strikes the perfect balance.  In the end, our main character Baby doesn’t get away with his crimes. He’s committed a lot of crimes, and been involved in a lot of robberies. And not the non-violent kind, either!

At the same time, Baby was always “one of the good ones.” He was never the guy who held the gun; he was always the one behind the wheel. In fact, for basically his entire criminal career, he was blackmailed into it. Of course, the lazy method would be for the judge to have pity on him -- he was forced to commit crimes! But that would be ignoring the fact that the entire reason he got blackmailed in the first place is that he happened to steal a car from a criminal kingpin -- Baby was boosting cars well before a villain put a gun to his head and forced him to do it.

But as we see Baby marched to his prison cell, it’s intercut with testimony during his trial. Everything that we could have said in Baby’s defense is articulated by witnesses speaking in his defense:

“He got himself into a bad spot. I was just trying to get him out. I believe the defendant is of good character. He didn't deserve what happened to him.”

“It was the strangest thing. Before he drove off, he threw my purse right at me. Then he actually said ‘I'm sorry.’” (A delightful callback to a comedic moment earlier in the movie: Baby might resort to carjacking when he’s in a pinch, but he is the most polite carjacker you will ever meet. He doesn’t need your valuables; he just needs a getaway vehicle.)

“He made a mistake when he was younger, and it's haunted him ever since. When he tried to get out, he was pressured even harder. It was never his fault. He's got a good heart. Always has. Always will.”

Maybe it’s the fact that Sky Ferreira’s cover of Lionel Richie’s “Easy Like Sunday Morning” is the musical bed for this scene, but there’s something about the scene that feels incredibly cathartic. Baby Driver might be our protagonist, but he’s not innocent in all of this. His actions have consequences, and he gets sentenced to prison time for them.

At the same time, we’re left with the distinct impression that he has a life waiting for him on the outside. At the very least, Deborah is there waiting for him.

We can rest assured that Baby has no desire to return to a life of crime -- he and Deborah will be content with a modest life together. Indeed, a “modest life” is never something that either of them would need to settle for. Having a quiet simple life has been their aspiration for as long as they’ve known each other. Baby ends the movie knowing that he has years of prison time ahead of him, but also knowing that he’s on the start of a path to redemption. It’s enough to put a skip in his step as he walks across the prison yard.  (Well, maybe not a literal skip in his step, but at the very least, it’s written on his face: he feels good about the path he’s on.)

Baby Driver came out in 2017, but I’ve already lost count of how many times I’ve watched it. I think the ending is a big part of what keeps me coming back to it. I love this ending -- there’s really nothing like the catharsis of seeing Baby held to account for his actions, while also having his virtues acknowledged. Those virtues might not be enough for him to avoid punishment, but in a way, his virtue its its own reward.  It’s a heist movie that ends with the main character getting caught and spending years behind bars, and yet it’s an incredibly feelgood ending that just leaves you satisfied for all the right reasons. (After all, we’ve seen the fate of Baby’s confederates: we know that he could have encountered fates much worse than prison.) There’s really nothing like it.

Well, almost nothing. Last night I finally got around to watching Monsters University.

It’s a fun movie -- the central plot is the classic “underdog sports story.” Mike Wazowski has no talent for scaring -- according to the bigshot jock voiced by Nathan Fillion, the only way someone like Mike could end up working at a place like Monsters Inc is in the mailroom. Of course, because this is a prequel, we know that Mike’s story ends with him and Sulley being best buds together working at the Monsters Inc scream factory, so the odds can’t be that stacked against them, right?  After all, the stakes are too high for them to fail: besides the fact that they need to be ready for the events of Monsters Inc, Mike is able to parley for a chance to get into the university’s scare program only because he makes an agreement with the Dean that if he fails, he’ll leave the school. With stakes that high, it seems only inevitable that Mike and Sulley will fulfill the classic underdog trope and lead a team of lovable losers to victory through sheer force of will (and the power of friendship).

Except, as we find out, force of will and the power of friendship aren’t enough to win you the big game when the thing you’re being tested on is talent and athleticism. Mike gets to experience the triumph of victory...but quickly learns that it only happened because Sulley cheated.

Mike and Sulley both bit off more than they could chew, and made a number of poor choices along the way. Sulley, unable to accept loss, cheated to achieve victory. Mike, unable to cope with experiencing loss, breaks into the university’s door department to mope around in the human world -- which is strictly verboten and extremely dangerous. 

But...in the course of solving the problem that they’ve created themselves (combining their efforts to escape the human world by using scare techniques the likes of which have never been seen before), we learn that Mike and Sulley do have what it takes. The Dean recognizes it, too. It almost feels like she’s about to offer them leniency. After all, this is a prequel movie: we know that all of this has to end with Mike and Sulley working at Monsters Inc in the scare department, right? That means the Dean has to let them back into the university’s scare program! Surely their acts of daring and bravery show they have what it takes to make it in the Monsters University scare program!

And so it comes as no surprise when, at the end of the third act, the Dean comes out just as they’re about to depart. We see what looks like a smile on her face for the first time in the movie.

Except, of course, it would be crazy if they got off scot-free. Mike broke into the human world, which is about the worst possible thing a monster can do. And if the cheating scandal weren’t enough to sink Sulley, there’s also the fact that he followed Mike into the human world (his intentions were noble as he wanted to save his friend, but still extremely dangerous and just as verboten).

The Dean has nothing but kind things to say to them. But that doesn’t mean she’s going to rescue them from the consequences of their actions.

The two get no leniency. We feel an odd mixture of elation and defeat. On one hand, they got the validation that they craved: the Dean, who thought it was impossible for Mike Wazowski to ever be a scarer, now admits that she may have misjudged him. On the other hand, their lives are ruined. They must now reap what they have sown. What will become of their dreams now? And maybe more importantly, how the heck are we supposed to get from here to the events of the original movie that takes place several years later in the Monsters Inc chronology?

And then, Mike remembers something.

“You know, there is still one way we can work at a scare company. They’re always hiring in the mail room.”

Mike and Sulley start at the absolute bottom rung of the corporate ladder. But there are worse fates than doing blue collar work. After all, the entire theme of the underdog sports story that got us to this point was to show that Mike (and, with Mike’s encouragement, also Sulley) are the kind of monsters who will do whatever it takes to achieve their dreams, simply willing it to happen through sheer enthusiasm and force of will and, of course, the power of friendship. After all, anything can be fun when you’re doing it with your friends. As Sulley says, “This is better than I ever imagined!” They approach the job with an enthusiasm that tells us that they’re on their way up within this company.

The rest of their journey is shown to us in montage: 

They’ve got that ambition, baby. This week they’re mopping floors, next week it’s the fries:

Of course, it’s only a matter of time before the company holds “try-outs” for the scare team, and from there, the rest is history.  Plus, if the original movie is fresh enough in your mind, you’ll appreciate the easter egg references to the girlfriend that Mike met during this time (and the constant beratement he constantly got over needing to file his paperwork): 

Over the course of the movie, they made some good decisions -- mostly the ones relating to the power of friendship and hard work. They also made some bad decisions -- mostly relating to playing fast-and-loose with the rules of their institution. Their college careers come to an unceremonious end.

And yet, even though the movie ends with them getting kicked out of college and spending “the best years of their lives” working blue collar jobs, it feels like an undeniably happy ending for the two of them. They reap exactly what they sow -- for worse, and for better. They don’t get to hide from the consequences of their actions...but that doesn’t mean things have to end on a dour note.

There’s something I really dig about that. It feels exactly like the first Rocky movie: Rocky is an athlete who trained and tried and fought as hard as he could -- and still lost. And yet, though he lost the big boxing match, there’s dignity in his loss. And in the end, he succeeded at the thing that really mattered.

In all three of these movies, it feels as though we as the audience are being set up for a specific happy ending. Of course Baby Driver has to end with the getaway driver getting away. Of course Monsters University has to end with Mike and Sulley graduating from the scare program. Of course Rocky has to end with our main character winning the big climactic boxing match. But in the end, we don’t get these “obvious” endings, because getting them wouldn’t really be a reflection of everything that led up to that point. And yet, we don’t walk away disappointed, because we somehow get something better. These characters may not get the “obvious” reward, the thing that they thought they wanted (and the thing that we, as the audience, thought that we wanted). But they get the things that really matter.