#that’s never canonically dealt with as rape

[petpluto]

This is a little all over the place but -

One of the things that makes me Uncomfortable about Faith coming back in season 7 is that she straight up raped Buffy (and Riley), and it’s just, like, never addressed or dealt with in any meaningful way on either show?

Like, Faith murdered and whatnot. Willow and Spike and Anya and Angel did too. And the gang forgave it for those guys (or at least, some of the members did), but there was at least a little something? Spike gets told if he touches Buffy, Dawn will light him on fire (along with dealing with the guilt and grief of getting his soul back). Willow has an episode where she fears the gang won’t want to see her to the degree she becomes invisible to them (and them to her). Angel spends a season isolated from everyone but Buffy. Anya has her best friend killed in front of her. Everyone has something that pushes their narrative along and has that at least slight moment of mea culpa. It’s not always necessarily as explored as I would want, but it’s there on this show.

But Faith shows up and doesn’t have that. You could (successfully) argue she has those moments on Angel the Series, that her redemption and her jail time and her wrestling with what she did happened there. But - and I watched Angel the Series - since it happens away from the Scooby Gang it doesn’t feel narratively earned, to me, when it comes to her reintegration in this particular group. If she’d stayed as a main character on AtS, yes, I think it would have worked. Instead, it’s Faith showing back up, taking Buffy’s stake, and talking with Spike about the body stealing without really coming to terms with exactly how horrific that particular event was, for Buffy, even beyond just being hunted when she was in Faith’s body.

And it felt like one more thing the show asked Buffy to not deal with, or accept, for the greater good, for me. And I’m not saying people can’t move past harm done, and tolerate or even become friends with the person who has committed the harm. I’m all about community justice and restorative justice as compared with punitive justice. But anything other than punitive justice requires actually acknowledging and being accountable for the harm done and to the person harmed; and aside from “Sanctuary”, Faith and the shows don’t really acknowledge the depth and breadth of that harm done to Buffy and the gang. And the show definitely doesn’t tackle what is needed to bridge the damage done to the Buffy-Faith relationship.

Faith was needed for the story in season 7 to be bigger than *just* Buffy being The Slayer. This particular fight, and the decision to activate the potentials, is as much Faith’s as it is Buffy’s. I just wish we’d had a moment in BtVS where the show gave a little more attention to that tension.

[romanarose]

Darkness on the Edge of Town: Chapter 1

Joel Miller X Reader

Chapter 2

Masterlist

Summary: While heading home for a mandatory lockdown, Joel stumbles on something he wasn't supposed to see with FEDRA guards and steps in. This, unfortunately, lands with him spending unexpected time with a young woman. Oh, and there's only one bed.

warnings!: attempted gang rape, physical hard with a gun, mentions of blood, canon typical violence, lmk if I missed anything! EVENTUAL SMUT

A/N: This was supposed to be a one shot. Now I'm not sure how many chapters we're looking at. Three minimum. Also, I KNOOOOWWWWW this follows the biggest Romana trope: Protective! Man protecting a woman. I will not apologize.

EDIT: This was originally posted as an OC fic, because I had bigger plans for it, but I honestly lost a lot of steam on it. I was going to give up on it tbh but someone sent an ask asking about a chapter 2, and I hate to disappoint! So I'll be condencing the story and making it a reader fic. hoping you guys like it! ****************************

As the sun was setting, Joel walked to his home, trying to savor the last of the outside he’ll have for the next couple days. The local government had made a mandatory few day quarantine for no discernible reason other than to exercise control, remind the citizens who was in charge. A week, give or take, without work wouldn’t be great by any means, but Joel and Tess at least had a partnership, so they weren’t completely on their own. This week, however, Tess was gone. She was making a trade with Bill and Frank when the lockdown announcement came out, and Joel had to radio over for her to stay there until it ended. This meant that he had a week alone in his tiny apartment room without Tess knocking on his door for one reason or another.

“Don’t fucking touch me!” A woman shouted from the alley he was passing.

Joel’s survival instincts said to keep walking; wasn’t his business, wasn’t his problem, wasn’t him or Tess or any of their allies. He didn’t need to get involved. But Joel knew right from wrong, and as much as he liked to pretend to himself he wasn’t a good person, that he wasn’t the same person he was before Sarah died, he couldn’t keep walking. Plus, Tess would kill him if she knew he walked away from this. Turning down the alley, he saw you being pushed and pulled by some soldiers; all men. One pulled you by the shirt so you were flush against him, and you shoved him off yourself, making the young man hit the alley wall. This action earned you a pistol whip, causing blood to come out of you forehead as you cried out, stumbling backwards into the arms of another man, and Joel couldn’t stand back any longer.

“Hey!” He shouted, striding further into the alley. One of the soldiers grabbed your arm, keeping her to him and away from Joel. “What’s goin’ on here?” He said, eyeing the men. He was more or less familiar with them, some he knew their names, some he didn’t but recognized their faces.

One man he had dealt with, a trouble maker who liked to use his power to his benefit and was surround by rumors of his treatment of women. Nothing could be proven, and no real accusations were made; they wouldn’t go anywhere if there had been. His name was Ross, a younger man than Joel was by a few decades, one of those who had been teenagers when shit went south. That age had been terrible in the ‘before’, a time of confusion and soul searching for anyone, and all that had been interrupted by losing everything. This created a lot of inner turmoil that never settled for most. Some killed themselves, some managed it, some became god awful people.

Ross spoke, eyeing Joel with a smirk. “Curfew, Joel, you know the rules.”

“She’s still got ten minutes.” Joel spoke firmly, his stare intense on the younger man, letting him know he wasn’t backing down. His eyes connected with yours. Joel wasn’t an idiot, he knew there were different dangers in this world for women, something he’d likely never have to worry about outside of concern for Tess.

Not phased by Joel the way many others were, Ross continued his hold. “She lives on the other side of town, she’s not getting there on time. But don’t worry” He laughed lightly. “We’ll escort her��

If Joel wasn’t certain what they were planning, the way they laughed and smiled at each other told him. With a grunt, you kick your leg hard against his shin repeatedly, causing him to shout and push you off of him to stop the assault on his leg. Joel took the opportunity, grabbing your dirty shirt and yanking you back behind him. Surprisingly, you smack his arm in return. “Don’t fucking touch me!”

“I’m trying to help you” Joel grumbled to you.

“I don’t need it” But none the less you stood behind his broad body.

Ross was less pleased now. “Lockdown is in 5 minutes, how you gonna get her home before then, Joel?”

Joel hesitated. This was the last thing he wanted this week, a week where he had an excuse to stay home, be alone and wallow in his own misery, but there was no way he could live with himself if he just left you. “She’ll come with me”

Ross eyed him, obviously irritated that he’s losing. “You didn’t seem like the type to take in a charity case… or do you have some ulterior motives.”

Joel didn’t play games. Turning on a heel, you were now in front of him and he pushed you forward and out of the alley quickly. “Go”

You shoved him off you, whispering harshly. “Stop fucking touch me!”

“Go” But he kept his hands off you.

As they turned the corner, he heard Ross call out to them. “Four minutes Joel!” His voice echoed mockingly. “Better hurry!”

But Joel was already speed walking.

“Where are we going?” You scrambled after him.

“My place.”

You stopped in your tracks. “I’m not going with you.”

Turning around only briefly, he took one long stride towards her, pointing his finger. “You have two choices. Go with me to my shithole,” He pointed back towards the alley. “Or you can do with them. Up to you.” He saw you glare at him as he turned back around; he did his part and you were an adult, you could make her own stupid choices.

He heard you footsteps. You quickly followed him.

Joel and you barely made it in time.

The room was… a room.

One bed, a beat-up old lounge chair, a dresser, table and two chairs. The ‘kitchen’ was a small stove with a single burner, but it didn’t look very used; the microwave did. To the left there was a door, presumably to the bathroom. You stood in the doorway awkwardly, body tense and stiff.

Joel gestured vaguely around the apartment and grumbled something she didn’t quite understand, but she assumed it didn’t really matter what he said.

“Nice place” You said, looking around.

Looking slightly defensive, he replied. “No one’s making you be here”

You frowned at him. “I was trying to be polite, but fine, you live in a shithole.”

“Yeah, well, this shithole is where you’re stuck for the next few days, unless you wanna risk it with Ross” He said with a little bite, before feeling just a bit bad. When he glanced over at you, you were harshly glaring at him. “I’m Joel” He muttered under his breath.

“Yeah” You scoffed. “I picked up on that between you yanking me around”

Joel turned to face you, crossing his arms in annoyance. “You’re welcome” His voice was dripping with sarcasm.

Undeterred, you crossed your arms back, hips cocked as you stood in defiance, seeming to consider your next words. Then, as nervousness flickers around your face, you seemed to realize the position you were in. Looking away and to the floor, you spoke softer. “Thank you. I know this isn’t… ideal”

“Don’t worry about” He grabbed a flannel shirt and sweats from his drawers and tossed them abruptly at you, then motioned for the bathroom. “Showers o’er there. There's… um…” He hesitated. “Under the sink.”

You furrowed your brow, confused. “What’s under the sink?”

Running a hand through his hair, Joel turned away and pretended to be suddenly very interested in the lamp. “You’ll see.”

“Sounds like a threat, but okay.” You murmured as you shuffled into the bathroom before stopping and turning around, telling him your name.

He gave a nod, barely acknowledging you as you disappeared into the bathroom. This was going to be a long fucking week.

When you took in the dingy bathroom, you decided to see what he was talking about beneath the sink. When you opened up the small cabinet, you found possibly the last thing you were expecting to see in the bathroom of the world's grumpiest man. Pads. The initial surprise you felt was quickly overtaken with a swell of warmth. You wondered about the type of man he was before the outbreak. The last 20 years had broken some of the best people down, the need for survival tearing people apart… but you firmly believed good people remained good deep down, someone inside them, even if it only came out when necessary. And today, as you faced down a group of men with evil intentions, it was clear that this was a situation he couldn’t ignore. You’d seen a lot in your years, more than enough for several lifetimes.

The bath felt nice, even if it was cold, as did his clothes, as well worn as they were. When you padded out into the one room place, you saw him standing over what could barely be called a stove.

“It’s just shitty canned soup, you can have some. I don’t got a lot here, but enough to get us through.”

“Thank you. I can pay you back once I get home”

“Hm.” Was his non committal answer.

A pause.

“And thank you for stopping-”

“Don’t mention it.”

“I mean it-”

Joel whipped around, his eyes intense and alight. “I said, don’t mention it.”

You shut your mouth but glared at him, letting him know he was being a dick. And yet, you really weren’t in much of a position to complain, were you? He had saved you from an attempted gang rape, the act of which caused him to have to put you up in his home, share his clothes, his water, his food… All the while giving no indication he had any ill intentions of his own. How many people would do this for a stranger?

He got his food, sitting at the table and once again gesturing vaguely towards the ‘kitchen’, prompting you to get food for yourself. You didn’t feel you weren't exactly wanted at the diner table, so you looked around for another place to eat, moving over to the chair. It wasn’t the worst thing she’d sat on, but it wasn’t the best either. A new problem was glaring as they ate in silence.

There was only one bed.

You piped up. “I can sleep on this chair.”

“Yeah” Was all he responded.

Clearly, he meant for you to sleep there anyway. It was going to suck, but it was better than whatever was planned for her in the alleyway.

Wordlessly, he walked off and shut the door to the bathroom and it wasn’t long before she heard the water running to take his own cold bath. Amazing bedside manner, really. Top tier. You tried to remind yourself you were looking a gift horse in the mouth, and brushed off your bitterness. When Joel immerged, he didn’t look at her as he walked past.

“So,” You started.

“No.”

“How long have you-”

“No.”

“Do you at least-”

A loud groan as he scrubbed his face, signaling you to stop.

You sat there, staring at the wall while Joel went about his business before you heard him call to you. “Hey. C’mere”

You turned around, eyeing him suspiciously. “Why”

“If you want your fucking forehead infected, that’s on you”

“Wait!” You scrambled up, walking over towards him where he had some basic first aid. “Sorry, I-”

“Sit” He directed to the chair at the table, not making eye contact.

Doing as you were told, you sat down at the table, looking up at Joel as he bent over you. You winced as he applied the disinfectant. “You could sit-”

“No” Despite his harsh tone, his touch was gentle, careful, and moving away when you winced.

“So” You tried to start a conversation again. “Joel. That’s Hebrew, right? Are you J-”

“Stop.” Joel briefly put his hands down, standing straight up. From your view on the chair, you suddenly realized how tall he was. His eye contact, when focused on you as it was now, was all consuming. “We’re not friends, we’re not going to come out of this as friends, we’re gonna be lucky if we don’t rip each other's head off. So how about you stop talking, and I stop wondering if I can drown myself in the bathtub every time you ask me a question.” When you didn’t argue, he oh-so softly applied a bit of antibiotic ointment, careful not to waste the little he had.

“Well, that was a bit blunt” You commented as you studied his face. Handsome, older; graying but not falling apart. His accent was southern, but where? You could not place, but that would explain his sense of duty.

“You asked if I was Jewish an hour into knowing me, and out of nowhere. I don’t think I’m the blunt one here” Joel muttered again, but this time there was a hint of… something else. Not quite playful, there was nearly no change in his tone, he was just as gruff as before, but the way he spoke indicated it was almost a joke. Almost. But not quite. He stood up without another word and washed his hands of the antibiotic cream and remaining blood that had oozed out. Grabbing an extra blanket from the drawer, he tossed it at you aimlessly and hit the light.

“Go to bed”

“It’s 8pm”

“Go. To. Bed.”

“Old man”

This received no response from him, but you laughed to yourself.

“Good night Joel.”

A loud sigh was the only response you got.

**************************

I'VE NEVER WRITTEN FOR JOEL SO PLEASE BE NICE! I don't know a whole lot about this universe or the world building so I'm so sorry if this is wrong. But I love Pedro so so so so much and I love TLOU so far!!! Please leave a comment if you like what you see so I know people want more, and reblog if you are so inclined! It's the only way to spread my work on this sight!

Shocker. The fic is titled after a Springsteen song. Joel Miller Listens to Springsteen, Melloncamp and Petty and I will not be taking criticism at this time.

And! Be sure to check out my other Pedro character fic, Take Your Time with my boy Frankie Morales! Tagging some I think may be interested, if you aren't interested in Joel fics just comment to be removed!

My love, @welcometostayingawake @trinkets01 @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @luciannadraven33 @howaboutcastiel

[beevean]

Idk I think people objections to vivziepop is overblown, she's hard to work with? So was Yuji Naka, She drew problematic art? So did Miura Kentaro and Rebecca Sugar, she said bad things in the past? So did Seth MacFarlane, she didn't groom any minors or assaulted someone like the Rick and Morty guy or the Red and Stimpy guy

Fun fact, a friend and I today tried to read the "controversies" page on Vivziepop.

And it's. Bad. As in, I refuse to believe anyone older than 20 wrote it.

Some of the claims have sources. Not all of them, though. Case in point, this gem:

Grooming Allegations On January 19th XXXX, Vivziepop has been accused of grooming a 14-year-old. (Needs citation)

Or this one

It is also worth noting that Vivzie supports Zone Tan, who is infamous for being a child predator who used a real child's voice for his child porn. It was also shown that Vivziepop directly interacted with Zone.

(wow, that sounds like a serious accusation! source?)

(also please it's not child porn, it's CSEM if it involves a real child)

Other parts come off as edit wars:

The drama died down after a couple days when a decent number current of SpindleHorse members, such as Sam Haft, Monica Franco, HorrorFreak, and more talked about their positive experiences, and some were convinced that the accusations were exaggerated or lies.

Erin Frost returned yet again in November. At this point, many are sick of her continued attempts at showing what she considers proof of her mistreatment, especially since she shamed others who won't stand with her, calling them "spineless" and sharing private messages without their consent. To a large portion of people, Erin Frost is not the innocent victim she claims to be and is attempting to twist the situation so that she comes out looking more sympathetic than she actually is

And then we get the absolute petty shit:

Improper Representation of Sexual Assault In one of the episodes of Hazbin Hotel, there have been some criticism about how sexual assault has been treated, as one of the chatacters, Husk, would tell Angel Dust that the latter will "get over it", even though Angel Dust has experiences with being sexually assaulted by Valentino, which is one of the things you should never say to a person who suffers from PTSD/Trauma.

Not even touching the yet again misconception that Loser Baby is a victim blaming song... This is a lie. Husk never once utters the words "get over it". This should be edited out immediately. Checking the source, it was badly paraphrased by a Tumblr post badly paraphrasing it in bad faith.

It was then revealed that Vivziepop also supported a Twitter user named "Raphielle", who is an NSFW artist that actively makes art of non-con/rape of Valentino and Angel (in which Valentino is the abuser, and Angel Dust as a victim of Val), with Raphielle even supporting said ship despite it being toxic and very wrong.

"and very wrong", how old are you?

Also I don't see the issue? Valentino abusing Angel is canon. And if Raphielle animated Poison, kudos to them for such a raw portrayal of abuse.

What makes it worse that Raph romanticizes it as well, despite mentioning that he has dealt with being repressed and being controlled, which is not a good excuse of drawing rape porn, in which Raph constantly fetishizes it.

Now this has just turned into a Twitter thread.

Supporting of Proshipping Like said before, while she has supported Raphielle, who supports non-con/rape ship of Valentino and Angel Dust, Vivziepop has also be revealed to have sexualized Morty from an adult animated TV show called "Rick and Morty" (in which Morty is 14-years-old, mind you). Vivziepop would even go as far as to ship Morty with Rick Sanchez (who is Morty's 70-year-old Adoptive grandfather).

Perish the thought.

The source of Vivzie following "bad people" is exactly what you would expect: the main accusation is that she follows porn artists with a fat fetish. Tagged as "csa" to boot. You people wouldn't have survived a day on DeviantART ffs.

And this is the cherry on top:

"Hey maybe this page should be written in a professional manner."

"HOW DARE YOU DEFEND A SHIT PERSON"

yeah you sure a person I can trust with handling delicate information!

Basically, I can't take this seriously. Again, I checked some sources, mainly the transmisandry ones, and sadly they look legit. The complaints about HH are however asinine to the point that the whole page loses credibility.

I won't get into this matter because I don't want to get involved into this year-long discourse more than necessary. I won't respond to anything related to Vivziepop again. But I wanted to vent because I hate when people are accused of being pedophiles/child molesters/abusers because they follow people who draw Sonic porn or they support people with a non-fluffy ship. Get over yourselves, and stick to the actually harmful stuff.

[olderthannetfic]

/726904384842252288/ anon this person is responding to, and thanks for defending me (both OTNF and others) in the replies lol, this person doesn’t get what I was saying at all. I think people can write whatever they want, but I was disturbed by some patterns in my fandoms where characters who had suffered really harrowing, violent, but non-sexual child abuse were always written in fanfic as being CSA victims, like people though that “must” also be happening. It felt like it was a weird dismissal of how horrible the abuse they did go through in canon was, and that disturbed me as someone who was non-sexually-abused, having dealt with attitudes IRL dismissing my abuse as “not real” because it was primarily psychological. Learning that in fact, a lot of it’s an “id” thing for people, about woobifying them and coming from a similar place a lot of the time as rape fantasies, etc. helped me understand it better. But I’d always figured at least some people were writing it to cope, and even if they weren’t, I do believe that people are allowed to write whatever tf they want in fanfic. But that doesn’t change that I’ll often have private feelings about it. If being a “proshipper” means you’re never allowed to have critical opinions about fandom trends — or even just privately judge a fanfic trope in your own head or your pettiest group chat or in an anonymous message to a blog like this — well then, who tf even qualifies as a proshipper, lol? The difference is about if you think that it’s actually a problem that something must be DONE about that people are writing fanfic that upsets you. I don’t. So there you go.

--

[imaginesangie]

hope you staying safe with super jail fans, some really violent ones like sending hate to people lewding twins and saying they're minor coded in canon.

I can understand not enjoying the incest aspect of their relationship but can we STOP infantilizing adults and adult characters by calling them "minor-coded"? Adults are allowed to be childish without you trying to force them to be one (Not directed at anon)

I've already dealt with some hate and actually had someone apologize to me for it despite still not thinking what I was doing was ok. I'm used to the hate and frankly if Superjail fans cannot see what is right in front of them, that's not my problem!

The Twins have a canonically complex relationship that constantly toes the lines between platonic, romantic, and sexual even if just for the 'joke'.

I'm not saying it's entirely canon that they are incestuous, but I feel like it's hard to ignore that part of their relationship considering they have had a child together, joke about dating each other, and often touch each other in far more intimate ways than a typical sibling dynamic.

Superjail fans, please learn to stop getting mad at fictional incest when you never ever complain about the actual issues of the show. Alice is a transphobic caricature who rapes and abuses men and yet rarely do I see people bat an eye over that. It's all fake. If you're gonna be okay enough with Alice raping men in the show then you should be ok to ignore my incest shipping of the Twins.

[evrensadwrn]

Who is laci reacher? Searching Tumblr and Google gets me no results.

Re: the question, why people would want to read about unpleasant subjects...well, because those things are an unfortunate part of reality, and one of the functions of art is to explore unfortunate and unpleasant things in a safe way.

I think it's perfectly fine to not want to read about any unpleasant subject, whether war, violence, hate, bigotry, abuse, etc. But trying to tell other people they're dirty rotten sinners, or support those things in reality, for being willing to read about them in fiction is going too far...that way lies puritanism and censorship.

A story about a little boy being sexually abused, for example, might actually be written by a survivor of such abuse who is working through their traumatic emotions by sympathizing with a character going through the same thing. Or it might be written by a sheltered, privileged adolescent with no experience of abuse or hardship, just because it's angsty and dramatic. You can never know exactly why someone online might choose to write a certain thing. Either you're willing to read it, or you're not...either it works for you as fiction, or it doesn't...but try to keep an open mind and not support censorship or judge real people for imaginary stories.

Backstory time (but this time I’m a little more leaning towards a more ‘neutral’ side but still not really liking her since it’s generally been a while since someone’s asked about her)

ADDITIONAL NOTE READ IT: Do not send asks pertaining to Laci anymore cause tbh I wanna focus on my own stuff and not yap about another person alr😭🙏

// underage, rape mention

So Laci is an author, she’s pretty niche from what I know. She’s one of the few consistent Marquis de Gramont-centric authors on ao3 but she has consistently been show to write underage porn/rape fetish fics about him and her OC (I lowkey forgot most of the details but I do remember a lot)

Anyways so, my problem isn’t that but rather specific icky details about her works are untagged such as…. awfully incestuous descriptions between Gianna and Santino (canon siblings), aswell as sexual descriptions for an underage Vincent who is 33-34 in the canon lore. Additionally, the rape fantasies included in her works seem to float towards being viewed through romanticized lenses rather than being written as a warning or a sort of way to cope. Not to mention the fetishization when it comes to queer relationships and stuff like that

I used to like her writing, she’s good at writing I’ll give her that, but it just kept getting weirder and weirder. I liked her work at first since back when I read it, things were toned down and the more she wrote the more fetishized and heavily romanticized abuse and s/a was written (+added incestuous descriptions between canon siblings for some reason). As someone who has dealt/is dealing with sexual trauma/sex related mental issues, I’m pretty chill when it comes to works that depict it but only when they’re kept at a minimum or not as descriptive but when it comes to her, they’re awfully descriptive and write about how intensely ‘pleasurable’ the experience is for both parties in the scene so yyyeahhhhhh

Anyways for the last part yeah, going back to what I said, she untagged like several weird things but ehhh whatever there’s equally bad things on John Wick ao3 let’s all be real (lolicon, full on rape fantasies, straight up romanticized rape idfk what else tbh)

“But trying to tell other people they're dirty rotten sinners, or support those things in reality, for being willing to read about them in fiction is going too far” <- did not tell anyone that but I guess I should be used to anons taking things I say out of context/not fully grasping them sighhh

and also it just so happens that everytime i meet a marquis fan that worships they’re either a rape fetishizer or an awfully weird person but that seems more like a correlation more than causation tbh

[astragreenwoode]

The Spitfire Curse - Chapter Six

Previous: Chapter Five • Next: Chapter Seven • Masterlist • AO3 Version 

Rating: Explicit(18+ ONLY)

Pairings:  Billy Hargrove x Fem!OC, Steve Harrington x Fem!OC, Eddie Munson x Fem!OC

Warnings: Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-Con, Canon-Typical Violence, Graphic Descriptions of Violence, Non-specified Mental Illness, Self-Harm, Drug Use, Hypersexuality, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms

Genre: Adventure, Thriller, Horror, Slow-Burn Romance, Angst, Hurt/Comfort. Smut, Fluff, Slight Canon-Divergence, Fix-it fic

And a special thanks to my beta-reader @take-everything-you-can! Thank you so much for all your feedback and ideas, love!

Chapter Six: Red Means "I Love You"

Word Count: 12,861

Chapter Warnings: Sexual Assault, Non-Consensual Somnophilia, Non-Consensual Drugging, Disembodied Voices, Self-Deprecating Talk, Hypersexual Behaviors and Thoughts, Language, Confusion, Hallucinations, General Angst

Chapter Summary: Billy had been Maeven's classmate since Middle School but only got to know her at a party at the end of their sophomore year. As treasured as that night was to them both, the current state of their relationship isn't as pretty.

THERE'S A HUGE SHIFT IN TONE IN THE STORY FROM HERE ON OUT. REMEMBER TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELVES. IF ANY OF THE WARNINGS CONTAIN TOPICS THAT ARE TRIGGERING FOR YOU, PROCEED WITH CAUTION OR FEEL FREE TO NOT READ PAST THIS SYMBOL: !*!*!

I feel super nervous publishing this, as it's one of the darkest things I've ever written. This fic is my main outlet for processing all my trauma, so I hope others can understand and appreciate that. Remember to be kind to yourself and do what you need for self-care.

*Originally posted on AO3 on December 20th, 2023

May 1983

The love Billy Hargrove felt for Maeven Mayfield bordered on obsessive.

Growing up, he didn’t exactly have the best example of what real love looks like. One could barely even list his parents as an example. He knew how much his dad loved his mom, even if the way he showed it confused him from time to time. He had pieced it together in his mind that his mom left because she couldn’t handle Dad’s beatings anymore. Neil drove her away from them. It wasn’t Billy’s fault, it was Neil’s.

He wasn’t sure if this made it better or worse, but he sometimes pretended that his mother never loved him at all. At least then, he would have a simple answer for why she left him behind. Knowing how much she cared for him meant she left her little boy with a despicable man, but just didn’t care enough to bring him with her. And he suddenly understood why his dad grabbed women and pulled them back to him; to make them stay.

Eventually, Billy learned to grieve and cope the same way his dad did. He had taken enough beatings from his old man in his short life that the anger and pain that grew inside him only went away when he was inflicting it upon others. He passed his father’s abuse through his heart and soul before forcing that pain upon someone else. And even though Neil refused to show it, Billy knew he missed her as much as he did. Over time, his demeanor grew more cocky and his sense of humor dimmed darker. But he never dared to bring up his mother, lest he get another black eye from his dad that he’d be forced to blame on a sports accident once he stepped inside the school.

Like most High School jocks, sports was a way for Billy to channel all his aggression in a way that no one questioned. Each game played is fueled by rage, aggression, and excitement from both players and spectators. It gave him an excuse; a way out of being seen as a bully. He was well aware that he was a bully, of course. If he could be a different person, he would. But these were the cards he was dealt with by whatever bullshit, narcissistic higher power was in charge. He couldn’t just trade them in for something new. Billy knew he was tainted; born broken. There was no cure for what he was.

And then, Maeven walked into his life, with her long, fiery hair and adorable gap-toothed smile. Billy had seen her around before, of course. She made an impression by being one of the most intelligent kids in their grade once she entered middle school. There were even whispers that she would go on to become Valedictorian once they all entered High School together. But she was also that weird girl who collected animal bones and drew patterns on her arms with sparkly gel pens in class. She was a smartass and a showoff, always the first to volunteer to help the teachers; a goody-two-shoes, someone Billy would never hang out with in a million years. Until she suddenly became a badass out of nowhere. 

In June of 1982, before school was let out for the year, rumors spread that Maeven was arrested for beating the ever-loving shit out of her now ex-boyfriend, Jordan Bernard. Billy wasn’t surprised by this. Jordan always talked big in the locker room about how tight he had two girls wrapped around his fingers, and sometimes his cock. Of course, he stayed quiet about the whole thing, not wanting to admit to his teammates that his broken nose was from a 5’4 freshman girl. But he also seemed ashamed that the situation happened at all, and ended up convincing the police and his father to drop all the charges against her. 

Neither he nor Maeven spoke a word about it, leaving Emily Bernard, his sister,  to spill the beans. Not only did the peace-and-love preaching hippie freak punch someone, but she was arrested as a result.

So maybe Maeven wasn’t a complete nerd or loser like Billy initially thought. That didn’t mean he liked her now. She’d get a free pass from him, sure; maybe even a compliment or two if he happened to catch her in a fight. She ended up getting noticed for being the most aggressive player on the girl’s soccer team, but that was really it. He never thought he’d have to care about her until Susan somehow wandered her way into his dad’s heart.

The following October, after starting his Sophomore Year, Billy noticed his dad was acting differently. Normally, he wouldn’t give a shit about Neil or how he was doing as long as he left him alone and kept the beatings to a minimum. But he seemed suspiciously pleasant when he came home from his job as a security guard at a bank in downtown San Diego. Billy could’ve also sworn he saw him smile, something he had to sit down and process for a moment. He still didn’t dare to ask him what had him so damn happy all of a sudden, as he knew he would probably receive a “mind your own damn business, boy” as a result.

Billy’s only real option to get answers without fueling the fire of his father’s rage was to investigate himself. He drove by the bank, dressed in sunglasses, a baseball cap, and a jacket he otherwise wouldn’t be caught dead in. His dad wasn’t by the front doors like he was supposed to be, but instead chatting up an older redhead woman behind the counter. At first, Billy didn’t really care. His dad fucked around with a different woman every other week, so it wasn’t a surprise to see him sweetening up his next meal before he would eventually toss out the leftovers.

But this was different than all the other women. Neil seemed constantly fixed on her, acting too sweet and sappy for this to just be another booty call. A month after catching a glimpse of her, he came home late one Friday night to see another car parked in the driveway next to his dad’s station wagon. Billy had to park on the street that night as he crashed into his bed, trying his best to drown out the cringe-worthy sex noises coming from the other room.

The next morning, he found himself face-to-face with Susan Mayfield making his dad breakfast, as she awkwardly introduced herself to him. Billy paid her no mind except a quick nod before going back to eat the eggs and bacon he begrudgingly took from her. He didn’t have it in him to admit that her cooking was actually delicious.

For three months, Billy avoided his father and his new shtup like the plague. Neil didn’t ask much of his son, just to acknowledge Susan when she hung out there and not mention her outside of their house. Billy was okay with that. In fact, he could care less. Until he spotted her outside of the regular booty calls and secret date nights with his dad, that is. The worst part? It was at school. Three months after their first, awkward meeting in his kitchen, he finally knew why Susan seemed so familiar. He had seen that shade of red hair on a particular strange classmate of his.

It was only then that Billy took a sudden interest in Maeven. He took a moment to wrap his head around the mere idea that Susan the Buzzkill and Maeven the Freak were mother and daughter. But the more he thought about it, the more it made perfect sense. Both Mayfield women shared the same annoyingly bubbly personality and stubbornness. 

He considered telling her about her mom’s little affair; how the seemingly perfect housewife with the perfect family was sneaking with his revolting carpet stain of a father. Before he got the chance, rumors circulated in school that Mr. and Mrs. Mayfield were getting divorced. Maeven was visibly sour for weeks that the entire grade now knew the details and circumstances of her family drama.

It pissed him off a little bit, sure. Billy would’ve liked to play a part in shattering Susan’s life after she had the nerve to crawl into his. It didn’t matter, though. Somehow, she managed to shatter her life and her marriage without any help. And he had to admit, it made Maeven more interesting. He tried all different flavors of girls; smart, dense, pretty, sporty, bad, good, sluts, and virgins. But nothing caught Billy Hargrove’s attention quite like a good girl gone bad. 

She had always stood out among their peers, of course. Maeven was constantly fidgeting in her seat, drawing on whatever surface she could find, and using every chance she got to talk about animals. She was in waaayy too many after-school clubs, always raised her hand first in class, and was way too proud of herself. Maeven was always such a show-off, a try-hard, a good girl. 

All these years, she was just a familiar stranger. Billy noticed her around and heard about her, but now that he’s seen her in a different light, a flattering light, it was like he was properly noticing her for the first time. He hadn’t expected someone so nerdy and dorky to suddenly be so naturally pretty, as well. The night he formally introduced himself to her ended up being one of the best nights of Billy’s life. And she didn’t know it yet, but it would end up being one of Maeven’s, too.

Melody Chandler always threw the best parties. Her parents were never home; sort of rich nomads, always on trips for both business and pleasure. They just never bothered to include their daughter in any of them. Every week, they’d have her aunt come in and check on her, but for the most part, Melody had free reign to do whatever she wanted whenever she wanted to do it. It was a monthly ritual amongst the Newport Student Body to drown themselves in their drink or drug of choice at Melody’s place. It was the place to be.

In the months following her parents’ separation, Maeven had gained a reputation as quite the fox. Billy wasn’t that surprised that she grew up to be a horny little freak, something he discovered she and her mother had in common. He still remembers when she the hottest topic for weeks in seventh grade after their class trip to the aquarium. That night was still so vivid in his head. He wasn’t sure he could forget about it even if he wanted to. 

The night of the field trip, Maeven went to sleep earlier than their other classmates, tired after a day of running around and telling everyone random facts about the fish and aquatic animals. He remembered that her favorite was the sea otter. When the rest of the grade returned to the auditorium to sleep, everyone was shell-shocked to find her humping the stuffed otter she had gotten that day at the gift shop while in her sleep. She was so mortified she ended up crying herself to sleep in front of the fish tanks with her gang of girlfriends who joined to comfort her. While Billy felt incredibly bad seeing her embarrassed like that, he couldn’t deny that the whole experience left him walking away with something new awakened in him. He still thought about it from time to time; remembering that he had never blushed so hard in his life than he did watching her accidentally humiliating herself. Maybe he liked Maeven for longer than he wanted to admit. He wondered f she still had that otter, and if she still used it the same way she had that night.

Melody’s parties eventually became her favorite place to hunt for people to play with. According to most of the jocks, she was a tease; she liked playing with her food and rarely ever took a bite. She enjoyed taking control, pleasing them with her hands and mouth, often leaving them desperate for her to touch them again. If they were really lucky, she’d grind her clothed sex on their laps until they begged her to stop. Only maybe two or three of them could claim that she let them inside her, including Jordan Bernard.

Apparently, she liked messing around with girls, too, but no girl in school was brave enough to admit that. So the rumor remained unconfirmed. That didn’t stop boys from trying to convince her into a threesome with her and their girlfriends. Most of these attempts were followed by a surprise groping of her ass and ended with her throwing them against the lockers and collapsing their urethras when she kicked them where it hurt most. Maeven the science nerd was now bolder, stronger, sluttier, but definitely not as easy as some of the boys she hooked up with claimed.

All this and more were the reasons that Billy now understood why she gained so many nicknames for herself; Iron Maeven, Metal Maeven, Spitfire. That last one was his personal favorite, as it was criminally underused. It was what her Dad called her, something Billy discovered while spying on Susan.

The second to last of Melody Chandler’s monthly parties for their sophomore year ended up being memorable, indeed. After humiliating yet another sleazeball who tried to grab her without her permission, Maeven retired to the poolside lounge chair where she lit up a freshly-rolled joint she got from Madison Gray. You could always tell when it was hers because of how lush and thick they were.

Most people partied inside towards the second half of the night, the wallflowers chilling outside in the quiet of the night by the now calm pool. Melody’s place wasn’t isolated, per se. It was, however, far away enough from town that the stars could be viewed in all their glory. Maeven even caught a glimpse of the Milky Way, naming the constellations the way her dad used to do with her and Max on clear summer nights just like this.

She missed all the tiny beautiful moments that made up the love she shared with her family. Living without it as a constant reminder every day left her feeling hollow. It may not have been the healthiest coping mechanism, but the only things that made her feel whole again were weed and random makeout sessions. Maeven couldn’t just bury herself in her clubs and projects the way she used to. Of course, she still went on regular hiking trips to sketch the flora and fauna of California and find more animal bones, but it just wasn’t doing the trick, anymore.

Occasionally, Maeven would get this feeling whenever she was sad, scared, or worried, that made her feel like gravity no longer applied to her body and that she was being pulled away from the safety of the planet and drifting off into the abyss. It worsened when her parents started fighting, and only grew and grew after their divorce. But the night she finally lit up one of Madison’s legendary blunts, she finally felt safe in her own head, her own body for the first time in what seemed like an eternity.

As she inhaled another hit from the blunt, Maeven sunk back into the lounge chair. The warm bliss delightfully fogged up her senses and grounded her to the earth. Everything felt so warm and fluffy, and it still tasted like Heaven despite the grassy, sour flavor of the weed. She giggled to herself.

“Maybe space isn’t so big and scary, after all,” the voice said to her. Maeven silently agreed. It was nice when they found neutral ground even if those times were hard to come by. She furrowed her eyebrows in curiosity and found herself raising her hand.

“What if we could touch it? It’s worth a try.”

Her eyesight blurred the bright constellations and clusters in the sky, almost the same way a blob in a lava lamp would. She wanted to dip her fingers into the Milky Way and use it to paint. But alas, she could only do that once she inquired Madison for some psychedelics. So, Maeven settled for tracing the patterns amongst the stars. Some were the real kind her dad showed to her and Max one night last summer. The others popped into her head with no warning or prompt as her mind wondered if there was more hidden between all the lines that the ancient astronomers already charted.

“Hey there, Iron Maeve-”

Startled by Billy’s sudden appearance, Maeven’s heart nearly leapt out of her chest as she tumbled off the lounge chair.

“AAAH! What the fuck, man?!” she exclaimed, brushing her hair out of her face as she put her half-finished blunt in the ashtray. “You can’t just sneak up on somebody like that!”

“Awww. Are you scared of me, Mayfield?” Billy fake-pouted as he mocked her, leaning down to face her with his hands on his knees. Maeven gracelessly pulled herself back to her feet as she snarled back at him.

“I don’t know. Should I be?”

“. . .maybe,” Billy answered. He honestly had no clue. That all depended on her and how the rest of the night went. Maeven looked him up and down. She wasn’t sure if it was just her or the effects of the weed, but, Goddamnit, was he better looking up close.

“Eh, I think I can handle it.” she shrugged, taking her joint from the ashtray before walking over to the bar by the pool to raid the snacks, thinking the conversation had ended. Billy trailed behind her, observing and sizing her up like a predator as she foraged around the table for leftovers.

“You seem awfully confident for someone getting high at a party alone,” he noticed aloud. By then, Maeven had grabbed the last piece of large, double chocolate cake and ate it shamelessly. Whenever she had the munchies, chocolate was always her go-to snack. As she gulped down another bite, her eyes threateningly narrowed, gently pressing the sharp end of her silver fork right below Billy’s collarbone. Now, he was the one a little bit afraid.

“Do I come over to you while you’re having fun with your keg boys and shame you for the way you choose to party?” she blankly asked, playfully tapping it each time she emphasized her words.

“No?” he laughed in an attempt to lighten the mood while his breath hitched in his throat. God, this girl really was a fucking unreadable freak. But maybe Billy liked that. He wasn’t completely sure, yet.

“Yeah, well, I’d appreciate it if you did the same,” Maeven pulled her fork back, returning to her slice of cake as if what just happened didn’t at all.

Billy relaxed once he no longer felt the metal against his skin, letting the air back into his lungs. Although he knew he could’ve smacked her hand away at any time, he didn’t want to. He enjoyed the thrill in his body he got from her empty threats. It all felt so dangerous, so hot; maybe he had finally met his match.

“Now that that’s established, will you at least let me introduce myself?” Billy asked as if he was doing her a kindness by waiting for her permission.

“Alright, then, Pretty Boy. What’s your name?” Maeven laughed as she shrugged, taking a seat at the pool bar.

“It’s Billy. Billy Hargrove,” he answered, holding out his hand for her to shake as he sat on the bar stool next to hers.

She hesitated before cautiously reaching for his hand as she tilted her head to the side, her brain still foggy and warm from her buzz. A gasp caught in her throat as Billy tugged on her wrist to brush a soft kiss against the back of her hand, followed by his trademark smile and sly wink. His sudden forwardness sent an electric shock through Maeven’s bones and tickled her spine. Again, was this guy actually coming on to her, or was she too under the influence of Madison’s blunt that reality began to blend with her mind? She hadn’t been properly asked out on a date since Jordan broke up with her.

It took a moment for both her body and mind to catch up when Maeven realized she had been too silent and too still for too long. She still had a role to play. If she jumped in too fast and this guy turned out too good to be true, she’d regret it later. Re-masking herself, she playfully wiped the back of her hand on her dress, faking repulsion before she continued.

“Margaret. I mean Maeven. Mayfield,” she stumbled on her words, her hands moving in many different directions as she talked.. “Well, 'Margaret' is my first name, but I go by my middle name because I'm named after my aunt and two Maggies are confusing. So, I go by 'Maeven.' 'Mayfield' is my last name,”

“Yeah. I know who you are, Iron Maeven,” Billy chuckled.

“Oh. . .okay. . .” she awkwardly trailed off at the sound of her other nickname, going back to her slice of cake as her mind wandered. She didn’t hate the name. On the contrary, it was actually quite an improvement after years of being called a nerd or teacher’s pet. However, it originated from her breakup with Jordan. Every time it was used, she couldn’t help but be haunted by the awful memories that day left her with.

Billy noticed Maeven’s face drop when he used it, Maybe she didn’t like being called that? He didn’t understand why. It was good; it was badass. She always seemed to like it when people called her that when she got into a fight or scored a goal in soccer.

“How’d you get a name like ‘Maeven’ anyway?” he commented, just now realizing that he didn’t really know her; he just knew the version of herself she presented to the world. Billy wanted to know Maeven; her secrets, the parts of her no one else knew about. He had to know exactly why just the thought of her was driving him insane.

“‘Makes it sound like you’re some. . .mythical creature, or whatever the fuck. . .” he trailed off, catching her attention with just a few weird words.

The last hit she took was a while ago, but Maeven could’ve sworn the world had suddenly gone crazy. Never in her wildest dreams could she imagine a jock like Billy using the term ‘mythical creature.’ But she rolled with it. Her mind could never really stay on topic for too long, anyway.

“My dad picked it, initially. It kinda. . .has multiple meanings for both him and my mom,” she told him, grabbing the blunt that rested on her plate. She felt she was going to need it if she was going to survive a long conversation with a jock that hopefully didn’t end in a fight. . .this time.

“Oh, really? Care to explain?”

Maeven inhaled, tilting her head up to the sky as she breathed out the cannabis through her nose and mouth. As she opened her eyes, the stars in the sky brightened up like a black light poster amidst her cannabis and chocolate-drunk vision. Her hand tilted to the side, offering the blunt to Billy, which he accepted gratefully.

“My dad was raised Celtic Pagan and my mom’s Scottish Catholic. In the bible, in Hebrew, it means ‘one who understands.’ But in Irish Gaelic, it means ‘sage.’ Which, of course, means the plant, but it also means someone who is a spiritual expert or just very smart in general. And. . .” she trailed off, taking a few seconds to get her train of thought back to its main rail. “. . .it comes from the Gaelic word ‘Meave,’ meaning ‘she who rules,’ or ‘intoxicating.’ In Irish Mythology, Mebh is the Goddess of Love and Desire.”

It took her a while until Maeven realized it was completely silent. Did he leave? She turned her head to the side where Billy was, still sitting as his face twisted to a half-confused, half-curious combo. By now, he had taken another hit. Maeven felt her cheeks light up once it dawned on her that this jock probably didn’t want to listen to her ramble, and the voice crept back in behind her.

“Oh, shit. Oh, shit. You talked too much. He even had to take another hit to process all your stupid and insane words. That’s it. This is the end of your social life, Maeven. Get ready, because this guy is about to ruin everything once another rumor starts. You should just kill yourself. Right here, right now. You can use the fork! Go on! Do it!”

Once her brain was no longer attacking itself, she broke the silence.

“Sorry. I’m a bit talkative when I get high. I’ll shut up now.” she fake-laughed, turning away to shove the last few bites of cake in her mouth as if it would finally keep her from talking.

Billy laughed, knowing too well that she was talkative even when she wasn’t high. It wasn’t exactly a secret amongst the other kids in their grade that she was the one who participated the most. 

“Holy shit, Mayfield,” he coughed out. “I didn’t ask for a lecture.”

“Really? That’s your takeaway?” Maeven laughed.

“No offense, but that's. . .a lot of information to process in 30 seconds, dollface.” he joked, unsure if it would be a compliment or an insult in her eyes. She just smiled as she rolled her eyes, leaning over to give him a playful shove.

“You signed up for this, Billy. You asked me about my name and I delivered, didn’t I?” Maeven pointed out, swiping back her joint and taking another hit.

“That you did. It’s definitely a lot better than ‘Margaret,’ that’s for sure,” he observed, not bothering to hide the way he was looking her up and down, anymore. It was a good name; it suited her.

“So. . .I was right, then?” he asked.

Maeven rapidly blinked, bringing herself back from zoning out before taking a sip from her bottle of coke.

“About what?”

“About you being a mythical creature,” Billy clarified. “I feel like you just pitched me a fantasy movie or the back cover of that Tocain book or some shit.”

Maeven narrowed her eyes and tilted her head as she almost choked on her soda. She definitely couldn’t recall seeing that name in the Dewey decimal system or any of her English classes.

“What the fuck’s a ‘tocain?’”

“Y’know, that. . .the guy that. . .wrote the books about magic rings and shit. . .”

It took a moment for the gears to turn in Maeven’s head before she finally connected the dots. She couldn’t help but start laughing.

“Oh, my God. . .are you trying to say ‘Tolkien?’”

“Don’t patronize me, Mayfield! I’m not the fucking nerd, here!”

Maeven started laughing harder, holding her head in her hands as she balanced herself with her elbows on the counter.

“Oh, please! If anyone’s a nerd, it’s the guy who doesn’t know how to pronounce the name of one of the most popular writers of our generation!”

Billy would’ve been offended if anyone else had said that to him. But for some reason, it was different with Maeven. Maybe it was because of how endearing and contagious her laugh was.

“I’m not a nerd, you little freak!” he audaciously chuckled as he jokingly shoved her shoulder, not caring who might be listening for once. “Everyone wants to fuck me ‘cause I know nothing about this Tolkein dude you’re so obsessed with!”

“And yet, I’m the one with the slutty reputation?” Maeven pointed at herself, finally getting a chance to catch her breath as she rubbed the tears of laughter from her eyes.

“There’s just no winning with you, is there, Maeven?” Billy rolled his eyes.

“Oh? I’m sorry. I didn’t realize we were playing,” she laughed, letting gravity take over her body as she melted off the chair and onto the ground. Her legs felt like jelly. At this point in her high, Maeven couldn’t find it in herself to care. Billy, however, practically jumped from his bar stool to grab her arm.

“Woah there, hey. You doing okay?” he asked, not noticing until now how fast his heartbeat was racing. The last time he saw a woman fall like that, it was his mother. Neil had gotten her way too drunk, resulting in her slipping out of her chair and leaving her with her head bleeding on the kitchen tile.

But Maeven wasn’t passed out and bleeding. She was fine, just drunk. Or high? At this point, Billy was certain it was both. She may have fallen to her knees on the stone flooring, but she didn’t seem too upset about it. She was giggling, and her skin was warm. She was fine; everything was fine. Billy needed to remind himself of that.

“You wanna go lie down or something?”

Maeven softly nodded, leaning against the pole of the pavilion covering the pool bar. She spread her legs apart to keep herself balanced in her black leather boots, drowsily grabbing onto the pole like she was hugging it, catching her breath.

Billy almost let his intrusive thoughts win but resisted the urge to grab her butt. Even if she looked a bit ridiculous right now, accidentally displaying herself like she was ready to be taken from behind, she was drunk. Billy was just glad he was here with her instead of some other dirtbag guy who would’ve probably taken what he wanted from her while she was drunk.

For what was probably the first time ever, Billy ignored the primal instincts to seek sex from this girl. She deserved better than that. He approached her slowly, putting a hand on her shoulder just to let her know he was there. Before he could lead her back to the lounge chair where he originally found her, Maeven stumbled back to the bar to grab her blunt from the edge of her now-empty plate.

Rolling his eyes at her vivacious nature, Billy made sure she had regained her balance before leading her by her wrist.

“Get that pretty ass back in that chair before you hurt yourself, you little animal,” he impishly asserted, prepared to have her lean on him in support if she needed. Surprisingly, Maeven didn’t waste a second flopping back down into the longue chair as if her body melted.

“No arguments here,” she groaned, unpromptedly stretching her body; she stretched her back by keeping her shoulder on the chair and shamelessly lifting her hips up as far as they could go. She also couldn’t deny the fluttering feeling in her stomach at the word ‘pretty.’

Did she seriously not notice how lewd she was being right now? Maybe the weed gave her the extra courage? Billy couldn’t tell anymore. All he could really do was lay down in the chair next to her, cross his legs, and try to conceal how aroused she was making him.

“Isn’t sage that weird plant that witches use in potions or some shit like that?” he asked, suddenly remembering one of the many meanings of her name. If only he could remember math equations this easily, maybe Neil would finally get off his ass about it.

It was quiet for a moment. Maeven had to silently process Billy’s question as she continued to zone out looking at the night sky.

“What? Oh. No. We burn it. For cleansing rituals and to clear the air,” she clarified.

“Like weed?” he questioned, tilting his head to the side. Maeven rolled her eyes as she scoffed.

“No, dipshit. Not like weed,” she laughed, thinking of the right way to explain this to him without sounding like a total freak. “ More just. . .like, to smell good. Like a candle. You can’t get high off it. . .or maybe you can? I don’t know. I’ve never really thought about it,” Maeven wondered aloud. Maybe that was something she and Madison could try experimenting with. Would that even work? Either way, there was only one way to find out.

Billy, meanwhile, didn’t feel like he got a definitive answer.  She already seemed pretty damn magical.“So. . .you are a witch?”

Maeven just shrugged, taking another hit of her blunt.

“That’s what people are saying,” she replied, offering her blunt to Billy, which he willingly accepted. This was her favorite aspect of these parties; playing with her food. But tonight, she didn’t want to stop. Maeven couldn’t remember the last time she had such a casual conversation with someone. Even if she was always on edge and suspicious of the guys she met at parties, Billy was the first one in a while that didn’t seem. . .malicious.

“They’re saying other things, y’know?” he breathed out, recalling the many rumors he heard through the Newport High Grapevine. He turned his head to Maeven, handing her blunt back to her as he eyed her up and down “That you go around seducing guys with your magic touch and mysterious powers.”

There it was. Maybe she had gotten her hopes up about this guy too quickly.

Maeven tilted her head to the side and playfully raised her eyebrows, still refusing to give him a definitive answer.“I can neither confirm nor deny any of these rumors, Billy.”

“They also say that you beat the shit out of Jordan Bernard last year. He still denies it to this day,” he mentioned, remembering the day everyone in the locker room teased Jordan for his black eye.

Maeven’s eyes widened as she fought herself from laughing. She knew that their breakup wasn’t exactly a secret, but to say she ‘beat the shit out of him’ was a little much. However, she was pleasantly surprised that Billy seemed to drop the subject once she refused to answer his questions about her. . .body count.

“Oh, no. That’s definitely true,” she laughed, not seeing the point in being in denying any more questions. “I have the burn to prove it.”

“Burn?” Billy cocked his head to the side in confusion.

Maeven tilted her arm and rolled her short sleeve up her arm to expose her shoulder, leaning in to give Billy a closer look. Even if it was coming close to a year of healing, it was still noticeable. The burn mark was about the size of a baseball, maybe even the size of his fist. It was way pinker than the rest of her skin, but it was recovering fairly well; freckles had even started to come back.

“Asshole thought it was a good idea to throw a log from his fire pit at me,” Maeven explained.

When he was younger, Neil often threatened to put out his cigars on his son’s skin. His mother always ended up taking it in his place.  Billy had lost count of how many times his Dad left lash marks from his belt on his back, but he had yet to experience a burn. He was hoping it would stay that way. But he had never met someone else who also had evidence on their body like that until now.

“Shit,” he laughed in disbelief. “Bet you gave his ass the beating it deserved, right?”

Maeven looked back at Billy, noticing the supposed fascination his eyes held, before looking back at her scar. Billy Hargrove was the first boy she met who wasn’t repulsed by the mark when she let it show. He really was full of surprises. She pulled her sleeve back down before getting comfortable in the longue chair again, turning her attention back to the night sky as she continued the conversation.

“I don’t know about that,” Maeven sighed. “It was really just a. . .’heat-of-the-moment’ rash impulse I didn’t think through. I guess I was just. . .mad at him,” she shrugged, tracing the constellations with her fingers again.

“As you should be,” Billy agreed. He had yet to be cheated on. If he was anything like his father, he would be the first one to cheat. He prayed he wouldn’t end up like him, but the whole concept always lingered in his head.

“We both said and did some things that day we regret. But. . .he does seem really sorry, y’know? That he hurt me like that,” Maeven observed, turning to lay down her head toward Billy. She hadn’t had a real conversation with Jordan since their breakup; she didn’t know what to say to him. Every time she tried, nothing came out. All Jordan had to say was how sorry he was and she was sick of it. The memory haunted her every day when they crossed paths in the hallway at school

“You thinking about forgiving him?” he asked her, more curious than anything. Still, he crossed his fingers and hoped she wouldn’t. She was too good for Jordan Bernard, anyway.

“Kinda? Sorta? I dunno,” Maeven shrugged, moving around in the longue so that she was curled up on her side, now fully facing Billy before taking another hit. “Maybe he just feels guilty? Is that really the same thing as being sorry?”

“I don’t think so. Guilt isn’t the same as remorse,” he replied.

Billy Hargrove witnessed the difference between the two in his own parents. His Dad wasn’t sorry that he cheated; he was sorry that he was caught. If he was really sorry, he wouldn’t have cheated, punched, and driven his mother away in the first place.

“I’d forget about him if I were you. Cheaters are the worst. They don’t deserve to be forgiven. . .they don’t deserve love,” he said suddenly, taking Maeven by surprise. She wondered what happened to make Billy so passionate about this, handing out her blunt once more as her way of saying ‘Chill Out, Dude.’

“If I’m being honest?” she trailed off, her buzz making the stars brighter and more mesmerizing than they were before.“Even if I did forgive him, I wouldn’t wanna get back together with him. Not a chance.”

Billy took that as a good sign for himself. He swiped away her blunt from between her fingers for another hit. Maeven didn’t even flinch, too high and too talkative to notice; in her own little world.

“He’s a bit of a douche, anyway. Even if he has changed, you shouldn’t waste your time on him.”

“Don’t get me wrong. I had a good time with him and he, uhmm. . .he taught me a lot. But he’s just. . .not my person.”

All Maeven wanted was to not feel terrible every time she saw him again. Maybe they could even go back to being friends again. Was that really too much to ask?

“Well. . .you’re a pretty interesting person, Iron Maeven. I’m sure you’ll find someone good enough for you.”

“My aunt Maggie said being interesting is all you really need in life.”

Billy always wondered if she was just so self-centered that she liked to hear the sound of her own voice. But watching how she froze up in embarrassment once she realized she was rambling about her name gave Billy a new perspective. Maeven Mayfield had so much going on in her head. She had no choice but to talk until it was no longer crowded in there.

“She’s not wrong,” he laughed along with her as her high was clearly starting to grow to its peak. Billy had to admit that the way she giggled was downright adorable. Seeing the infamous Iron Maeven zone out from her joint was a sight he never thought he’d see, much less enjoy. In all honesty, all the things he found annoying about her suddenly turned adorable.

There was something about Maeven’s voice that suddenly made him want to keep on listening to her ramble. He suddenly realized that her voice sounded so much better when she was high. Melodic and Beautiful.

“When you do find the right person, make sure to hold them real tight and never let them go. You got that?” He was surprised he held her attention for this long with her being so easily distracted. It felt almost like he had hypnotized her or something. Or maybe she was the one who hypnotized him.

Billy became absolutely obsessed with the way she was looking at him, unsure if it was from the high or something else. He had completely forgotten all about the stars at that moment. Maybe she was some sort of mythical creature after all. He was almost mesmerized by it. He hadn’t ever been this distracted by someone before. “Okay. I promise.”

. . .

By the time the sisters had finished unpacking all of Maeven’s books, the sun was now setting over the western horizon. The girls stretched as they stepped out of her room and made their way to the bathroom to brush their teeth.

“Thanks for helping me unpack Squirt,” Maeven said after spitting out her toothpaste and rinsing her mouth. “We can start yours tomorrow,” she promised, patting Max on her head. As she yawned and rubbed her eyes walking out of the bathroom, her little sister pulled her arm to stop her.

“By the way, here’s your night light,” she said, handing her big sister a bundled-up bath towel. “It was in the trash in the bathroom.”

Maeven took the towel from Max, unwrapping it to find her beloved token from her childhood now shattered to bits. It was in the shape of the sun surrounded by a couple of clouds. Susan and Neil made it together when they first found out they were pregnant with Maeven.

“What?” she asked allowed. It didn’t make any sense. Even if she was sleepwalking, why would she throw it away?

“That’s where I found it,” Max clarified, just as confused as her sister. “Did you sleepwalk again last night?” she asked.

Maeven debated on lying, but that wouldn’t help anything. Max would eventually find out, anyway, if she did.

“Yeah. I blacked out,” she softly admitted, trying to hold back her tears. 

Max said nothing back, only walking forward to wrap her sister in a hug. No words were needed to describe how either of them felt about the situation.

“G’Night, Sis.”

“Goodnight, Max.”

As she watched her little sister turn the corner of the hallway to her room, Maeven’s smile dropped before she walked back into her room and shut the door behind her. She collapsed backward onto her bed with a bounce and stared blankly up at the ceiling as her heartbeat quickened.

“Fuck,” she breathed out, shaky and laced with panic. 

Maeven silently cursed herself for leaving Nutmeg behind so easily. Whenever she felt herself panicking at home, she would immediately come sprinting over from whatever room she was in to crawl into her lap. She’d often stand on her hind legs and lean herself into her person’s chest. The sense of deep pressure she applied usually calmed her down. She was their kitty, both to Maeven and Max. Every night as they went to bed, Nutmeg would curl up on top of the blankets with either of the sisters.

Max was insistent that she was safer with Dad in California. The incident where Billy nearly caused a fire after he burnt a stray cat’s corpse played a big factor in that decision. Maeven didn’t blame her in the least. She would be lying if she said witnessing Billy showing no remorse as he set the decaying dead body aflame didn’t put her on edge. Most importantly, Nutmeg would be safe from her.

“You can’t be trusted with another life, anyway. You should call that woman from the store and tell her you’re too insane to watch her son.”

Maeven abruptly sat up, her legs shaking as her toes curled in a rapid wave of spine-chilling, fear-fueled pain. She pressed the heel of her palms against her ears in an attempt to drown out how loud the world became all of a sudden. Her sharp nails sat atop her head and pulled at the roots of her hair, threatening to dig them into her scalp as they pulsed with a terrifying bloodlust to tear into her flesh; maybe if she could do it, she could finally stop overthinking.

“Please. . .don’t ruin this for me,” she begged the dark voice.

“I don’t need to. You’ll ruin it all by yourself,” it laughed at her.

Maeven slapped her own cheek to silence it, even if just for a minute. As she found her bearings and looked around her room, her eye caught the now-shattered night light atop her desk. She could faintly identify splatters of dried blood; an explanation for her bandaged palm.

“Billy was right. You did throw it away,” the voice said as it returned to her side.

“Yeah. . .I guess I did,” Maeven still hesitated, even if the evidence was right in front of her face. It was so hard to look at it. She thought she was getting better. Billy wasn’t lying. He wouldn’t do that. She really did black out and sleepwalk last night. And that only meant one thing; she was getting bad again.

“Too bad it’s broken. Just like you.”

“No, I’m not,” she shook her head, reaching for her water bottle on her table and gulping down half of the sugary strawberry-flavored water that Billy mixed for her. It had more to do with the act somehow calming her anxiety than it did with being thirsty.

“Yeah. . .you just keep telling yourself that.”

Maeven groaned in annoyance as she flopped down aggressively onto her bed. Underneath the soft glow of the Indiana sun, she curiously examined her own hands the way a newborn would. As she fiddled around, running her fingers over the calluses and scratches and weaving her digits together, she didn’t feel like a person at that moment. She sinks down into her mattress as she starts feeling numb. It was as if nothing else existed outside her room painted in the soft glow of the sun.

Maeven eyed her nails, growing just barely past her fingertips. She liked to file them down to make them pointed and sharp, like an animal’s claws. It was another one of those little things that helped her feel safer. She also made sure never to let them grow too long, lest she end up hurting herself when rubbing out an orgasm. The other downside was when she would clench her fists in frustration or anxiety, they would literally cut into the palms of her hands. Having people ask why she was wearing bandages on her palms was an incredibly awkward conversation.

She liked to imagine what it would be like to use claws. She often pictured herself using her sharp nails to cut into herself; to reach deep inside her body, turn herself inside out, and become something else. Something better. It didn’t matter what she would find in there. All that mattered to Maeven was that she was no longer herself, and life would suddenly be so much easier. She wouldn’t mind being a monster, even; anything to be relieved from the pain she endured from just existing, from being human.

This feeling wasn’t new. It started in childhood and only grew the more she ignored it. And this feeling only grew in the last nine months. She wouldn’t admit this to herself, but it made her feel good. The foreboding need to brutally destroy those who hurt her made the pain disappear, even if only for a moment. At the same time, she was scared; she was terrified of losing her mind even further than she already did, and what exactly that meant for her in the not-so-distant future.

As Maeven’s breath started to quicken, she could feel her body getting warmer; it began as a soft flame below her belly, slowly heating up her body so deliciously. It made her squeeze her thighs together for relief, as she curled up on her side and began rolling her hips. The warmth manifested from her womb and spread like wildfire blissfully throughout her torso and limbs. 

On instinct, as if her body was being controlled, Maeven crawled underneath her covers in a blissful haze. Peaking her head out to feel the chilling breeze from the open window, she grabbed her extra pillow from the other side of the bed and shoved it in between her legs as she squeezed it with her plush thighs. The way the skin of her inner legs stuck and touched together always bothered her, but she couldn’t properly say why.

It was a weird occurrence, as she felt as relaxed and dazed whenever she smoked a joint before bed. But she hadn’t even gotten the chance to do it, yet. Maybe she was just tired. That was it. Between checking out her new school, meeting some of her new classmates, having to check in with the Chief of Police, and being berated by her mom at the store, Maeven had a busy day. Then again, if her body was winding down naturally without the extra assistance of drugs, recreational or otherwise, who was she to complain? 

She closed her eyes and willed her brain to sleep, afraid her busy mind would blink it way if she didn’t. After a few moments of fidgeting as she curled up like an animal underneath the oasis of comfort and warmth of her blankets, Maeven’s mind finally allowed her body to lose all feeling and sink deeper into her mattress without a care in the world; slowly, and then all at once. Everything was warm and quiet for her first few minutes of rest, the dark nothingness cradling her in it’s embrace. More often than she’d like to admit, she found herself never wanting to wake up. It was just something to add to the list of things to tell the school counselor. Said list was locked away in her head, and seemed to get longer and longer each day.

“Go on. Do it. You deserve it,” the voice came up from behind her, now turning sultry and inviting. Maeven felt a familiar pulse of arousal between her legs as her cheeks tinted red.

“Mmm-hmm. . .” she whined, subconsciously burying her face into the sheets as she rolled her body to lay on her stomach with her hips elevated by the extra pillow between her legs. She preferred having Oscar the Otter, her favorite toy to “play” with, as opposed to a pillow. But Oscar was still in a box and Maeven's body was so comfortably numb. The pillow would have to do for the night.

“That’s right. Get into your favorite position, you little nympho,” it continued to encourage her.

The feeling of the blankets on Maeven’s bare, sensitive flesh imitated the feeling of a warm hug from behind her from what she could only describe as a monster. It was something she could never tell if it was really there or not; another frustrating side effect of her damaged psyche. But this was one of the only times she welcomed the voice with open arms. 

It wasn’t scary during the intimate moments she shared with herself in the dark of her room. It became seductive and comforting; something that she never really understood, but always relied on at the end of a long, hard day. And when she was asleep, she found that having orgasms came to her easier.  Her record was having five different orgasms throughout the night wash over her with little to no effort.

“So. . .that guy you and Billy met, today? Steve?” the voice reminded Maeven, who felt its looming, heavy presence press its weight against her back.

“Yes?” she suddenly gasped

“He was pretty cute, right?” it purred in her ear, “Tall. I bet he has soft hands. The guy looks like he takes care of himself.”

Steve reminded Maeven of Jordan Bernard before he turned on her; sassy and confident, while also somehow being awkward and shy depending on the day. She noticed the two boys even shared the same eye color. Her hips began slowly grinding against her pillow.

“He was asking you all kinds of questions. He’s totally into you,” the voice teased her, but Maeven wasn’t so easily persuaded tonight. Nancy was also very pretty. Too pretty not to notice. She didn’t have bags under her eyes or bite her lips to the point of bleeding. A girl like Nancy was perfect for a guy like Steve, unlike Maeven.

“It doesn’t matter. He has a girlfriend. And even if he didn’t, he still wouldn’t fuck me,” she said, verbally fighting off the beast’s words before it spoke again.

“You don’t know that,” it argued, not willing to drop it and determined to get Maeven warmer and wetter. “He probably would if you gave him the chance.”

Maeven would be lying if she said she hadn’t been thinking about Steve roughly taking her against the locker-lined halls of Hawkins High School. The beast on her back constantly reminded her for the rest of the tour.

“Billy would get too jealous,” she ventured a guess. He tended to be possessive, the reason behind all the bites and bruises she accumulated after they started dating.

“Don’t be so sure, Maeven. You two have fucked around with other people before. You like being passed around, don’t you?”

Maeven quivered at the mere idea of being used as a toy, rolling her hips faster against her pillow and adding fuel to the fire soaking beneath the thin cotton of her underwear. There must’ve been something seriously wrong with her to be into having her body used like that, especially after everything she went through. But that didn’t stop her from fantasizing about it.

“Aw. . .fuck. . .” Maeven gasped out as she rolled her hips, the blood rushing down and sending ever-building waves of pleasure to her clit.

“What about that other guy you saw today? The one coming out of detention?”

“The guy who sells drugs behind the school?” Her breathing was heavy now, whining in frustration as she attempted to visualize. It did have a point; that Munson guy, she thinks that’s right, was pretty fucking gorgeous. Anyone who would dare to say otherwise was dead wrong.

“Yeah. That guy’s definitely into some kinky shit. He had a pair of handcuffs for a belt.”

“He’s a metalhead. It’s part of the fashion.”

“Maybe. But did you see that black bandana in his pocket?”

“Either way, I think he’d definitely be into tying you up,” The beast laughed wickedly, seductively, bringing her deeper into her fantasy and sending her body on autopilot as her brain continued to drift. Again, this was something she absolutely shouldn’t get drenched from. She was disgusted with herself that her mind and body ached for the things she should be afraid of. Nevertheless, she leaned into it; she always did.

“Oh, God, fuck. That’s it. . .that’s it,” she whined out, finally able to paint the perfect picture in her head as she continued shamelessly grinding her clit against her pillow.

“I bet if you let him hit you raw, he’d give you free weed.”

. . .

!*!*!

It had been about an hour since Billy had refilled Maeven’s water bottle. And if he planned the timing and the dosage correctly, which he always did, she should be under her covers humping a pillow or a stuffed animal by now. He wouldn’t dare make the same mistake twice. To be fair, he didn’t think he’d still be doing this almost a year after he first thought of it. Now, it had just become a part of his normal routine. 

Of course, it was no secret that Maeven Mayfield was a horny little spazz. Hell, Billy was living evidence of that; they both wore the bruises and love bites to prove it. But if he thought she was spastic without these drugs mixed into her drinks, he was in for the ride of his life. And this wasn’t just for his benefit. It was for Maeven’s, too.

Maeven didn’t always know what was best for her. As much as she loved making precise plans and carefully following lists of steps, she was equally impulsive and stubborn. In the months following what happened to her last New Year’s, it was like she was a completely different person; angry, self-loathing, irrational. And Billy knew he was partially to blame for that. He over-indulged and enabled her during those months. 

It was fun at first. He thought taking her out to parties and encouraging her reckless behavior helped her grieve what she lost that night. He now knew that if he enabled her any further, it would most likely end in her death. Billy was just glad he was able to stop her and that she got the proper professional help she needed before it was too late.

Who knows? Maybe if he had measured the dose correctly that night, none of this would have happened. Billy wouldn’t have had to put her back together again. He wouldn’t have to slip drugs into her water multiple times a week just to keep her calm. She wouldn’t be a shell of her former self. They would still be in California. Maeven would still be on the honor roll and not expelled. She wouldn’t have to repeat her Junior Year. 

Would his dad and her mom still have gotten married? Maybe if those guys hadn’t been so rough with her, Jordan would still be alive. Maeven wouldn’t have to live with the extreme guilt he knew haunted her every day. She wouldn’t be crippled by the pain of her injuries. But none of that mattered now, anyway. At least one silver lining came out of that horrible night; it brought Billy and Maeven together again, and closer than they had ever been.

As he approached her bedroom, he could already hear her hushed gasps for air and needy whines. Silently pushing the door open, Billy palmed himself through his sweatpants in anticipation. Just as he had planned, Maeven was already under her comforter, blissfully unaware of her surroundings as she ground her hips against her extra pillow. He loved it when he was right.

. . .

In her mind’s eye, Maeven was back in Hawkins High School, being carried like a freshly hunted animal. Steve was holding her wrists so tightly in his grasp that they hurt. Munson held her ankles together as they both carried her down the hallway. Maeven twisted and struggled her body in protest with all the strength she could gather from within, but their hold never loosened. Walking backward, Steve opened the lever handle on the door to the Janitor’s closet with his elbow. Once they were all inside, the boys let the door slam shut. They were planning on letting it stay that way for a while.

Steve was now holding Maeven’s wrists together with just one hand, sliding the other down her body to grope at her breasts through her sweater. She liked to imagine that Steve had strong hands like Billy’s, but possibly had softer palms than him. Nothing about Steve Harrington was threatening. He was definitely intimidating in terms of his size and muscle mass, but his eyes held a sense of vulnerability and tenderness. He’d never touch a girl in anger, unlike others. She could tell.

“What do you think she’s hiding underneath all those layers, Harrington?” Munson laughed, tugging at Maeven’s long skirt as he continued holding her ankles together.

“Only one way to find out,” Steve slyly replied, pointing to the set of handcuffs weaved through the metalhead’s belt loops. “Gimme those.”

Munson didn’t need to be told twice, immediately dropping Maeven’s ankles and hastily removing his makeshift belt. Seeing an opportunity to fight back, she started clumsily kicking into the air as she tried to catch her balance. Steve then forced her down on her knees onto the cold floor, sending a sharp pain through her legs. He firmly, yet gently, trapped her in his arms, pinning hers to the sides of her torso and not giving her a chance to struggle.

Once Munson successfully removed the cuffs, he playfully swung them around in a circular motion, signaling Steve to bring Maeven over. Her continuing struggle did nothing to draw the boys off course; they were on a mission and nothing could get in their way. Steve picked her up like she weighed nothing, forcing his arms underneath hers to raise them up high. Once they were able to cuff one wrist, Munson through the other end up, looping it over a large pipe above them before cuffing her other wrist.

The cold metal bit at Maeven’s skin, forcing her up so that the tips of her boots were just barely touching the floor. Her raised arms made her sweater ride up her stomach and left her freckle-kissed hips and navel bare to them; a sneak peek of what they were in for. Maeven grunted as she dangled from the ceiling, unable to regain her footing as her face flushed an even darker shade of red if that was even possible. The best she could do to fight this was clench her thighs together.

“There we go. All bound up the way you belong,” Billy’s sultry voice echoed throughout the closet as he emerged from the shadows, sending a shiver down her spine.

. . .

After over a year of knowing someone up close and personally, you tend to pick up on a few things. You start to notice the little things in their behavior that make them who they are. If you pay close enough attention, you notice the physical changes in their body when their mood changes. Whenever Maeven became anxious, her shoulders would tense up as she crossed her arms to hug herself. She would curl into herself and keep her head held low instead of tall and proud the way she used to; these mannerisms had become more common since she was released from that treatment center, to be fair.

Seeing these little changes in her demeanor throughout the day, Billy knew Maeven could benefit from an orgasm or two after a long hard, day; and he wouldn’t mind taking at least one for himself. She had practically been begging for him all day with the way she moved her body as she walked. And she also should’ve known by now that he couldn’t exactly control himself whenever a girl wore fishnets.

Time and time again, she kept proving him to be correct. The drugs Billy slipped into her water bottle may have. . .enhanced Maeven’s libido, but it simply revealed to him what he already knew she kept hidden inside. These days, she was anxious all the time; shaking like a leaf at the smallest things. He was helping her; that’s what he told himself. Eventually, he believed it without question.

Stepping inside Maeven’s bedroom, he shut the door slowly to not wake up Susan or Neil. Leaning his hand on the surface of her desk, he quickly pulled it back at the sharpness piercing his palm. Looking down, Billy recognized the remnants of what he threw away last night; Maeven’s nightlight. It didn’t stay that way, obviously. Damn Maxine. She was too old to still have something like that, anyway. Besides, she didn’t deserve it after defying him last night; those cuts he gave her weren’t enough. He’d deal with it later. This wasn’t what he came for.

Focusing his attention back to the task at hand, Billy tiptoed to Maeven’s bed, spreading his weight out to make sure it wouldn’t creak too loudly. Eyeing her figure under the covers up and down, he gently tugged the comforter to reveal her bare flesh, hot to the touch from her arousal and constant movement. She squeezed the pillow tightly between her legs as she continued to roll her hips, already soaking down the pillowcase and dripping onto the sheets.

Maeven was still in her lucid state, unaware of what was happening in the world outside her dreams. Billy always wondered what sort of dreams she had when she was on the aphrodisiacs. Then again, it didn’t matter. As long as he could take what he needed from her and she was lubed up and submissive enough, he didn’t care what went on in there. Still, Billy wanted to pick her brain; dissect her beautiful, crazed mind, and discover her deepest secrets like an archeologist unearthing a treasure. And each time he slipped another dosage into her water bottle, he came closer and closer to the whole truth.

Positioning himself behind her and pulling her waist into his lap, Billy picked up the pace and guided Maeven to rub her soaking heat away from her wrinkled pillow and against his clothed cock, tenderly massaging her ass. She let out a hushed gasp at the soft sensation of her pillow being replaced with something harder.

. . .

Back inside her head, Maeven shivered in suspense as the boys tore her long skirt off her waist. She stumbled in place as she squeezed her net-covered legs together. Steve came up behind her, one hand squeezing her ass while the other softly danced its fingers along her thigh, attempting to find her ticklish spot and coax her legs open.

“So, what kind of girl hides her legs all day, but wears fishnets?” he laughed in her ear, delivering a sharp slap to her butt, causing her to shriek and flinch away. But Steve held her in place, continuing his torment on the sensitive flesh below her waist.

Munson walked over, helping Steve try and pry her legs open. Maeven let out weak whimpers of protest, quickly turning into whines of desperation when the metalhead forcefully shoved his hand between her thighs. He laughed at the way she somehow got even more hot and bothered by the way he rubbed his ringed fingers against her heatsource covered by the soaked fabric of her panties.

“I knew I saw these, earlier,” he smirked, snapping the fishnet stocking against her thigh before fishing a pocket knife from behind his back.“She’s just a little freak, isn’t she?”

Maeven eyes widened in fear at the sight of the knife, her blood racing as she tried to wriggle from their grasp. Steve shoved his fingers inside her mouth before any more cries could escape.

“You have no idea, Munson,” Billy practically cackled, walking closer to help the boys keep her legs steady as he pulled at the waistband of her black panties before letting it snap.

“C’mon, let’s get these off her. You don’t need them, anyway. Do you, Maeven?” he asked, grabbing her by her cheeks and forcing her to look straight at him.

Swallowing her pride to keep herself safe, Maeven agreed, shaking her head. From the look at that knife, she had no choice. At least she put up a good fight until the end. It was only when she agreed did Steve take away his fingers, causing her to choke and gasp for air as she prepared herself for what was to come.

Munson’s one hand kept her legs steady as he dragged the cold metal across her skin, the mixture of fear and arousal growing as he brought it closer to her heat. He continued to leave her in anticipation, letting her guess when and where he would cut before carefully slicing the net atop her panties. Her heart was beating so fast she felt like it would burst out of her chest as the evidence of her lust dripped onto the blade. This was so wrong. So why did it feel so hot?

Tired of the teasing, Munson slid the knife beneath the drenched fabric, carefully pressing the metal against her wet lips which made her whine and shiver before cutting through the cloth of the crotch and accidentally knicking her thigh.

“Be a good girl and spread your legs, dollface,” Billy purred in her ear, tearing her stockings from her legs with no effort. “I told them what a cute little cunt you have. You don’t wanna disappoint them, do you? So. . .are you gonna be a good girl for us?”

. . .

“Ahhh, fuck, yeah. . .just like that,” Billy moaned out, grabbing Maeven’s hips tighter as she matched his pace on her own. He bit his lip to keep his volume down as his cock twitched beneath his thin sweatpants, reacting to her needy pussy already soaking through her panties.

Whatever was happening in Maeven’s dream must’ve been hot, because the way she was writhing against Billy made him wonder if he was the one dreaming. It didn’t matter how many times they had fucked beforehand; every new time was better than the last. Her body always left him crawling back and wanting her again and again. 

There were many good things about this girl, but Billy still couldn’t figure out what it was. Maybe she really was a witch who lured guys to her bed, and he was just really lucky that she decided he was worth keeping. Even when she called it off, she didn’t mean it. He knew that she didn’t. Did she? His memory was fuzzy. Regardless, Billy got what he wanted, what he craved, needed; Maeven by his side. Maeven Mayfield was much more addictive than any cigarette, drink or drug Billy Hargrove could ever find and he never wanted to sober up.

Tired of teasing both her and himself, he roughly tugged her hips to meet his, always mesmerized how her needy little pussy swallowed his fingers. She now lay flat on her mattress, her back arched as she buried her face in the pillow she was previously writhing against, too powerless to stop his love-drunk-disguised assault.

. . .

Maeven said nothing as Billy held her face tightly in his hand, the adrenaline in her body and the intense anticipation causing her eyes to water. She silently nodded with a look in her eyes that told Billy, “I’ll be Good.”

Steve wasted no time using his now saliva-soaked fingers to test the waters, experimentally massaging the lips of her pussy perfectly framed by soft ginger fuzz. Maeven imagined that he’d take his time warming up a girl, passionate and gentle like he was; taking his time to learn about his partner’s body instead of just diving head-first into the deep end like other guys.

“Nancy’s one lucky girl. . .” Maeven’s inner voice echoing inside her head.

“Holy. . .shit. . .” Steve quietly exclaimed, pleasantly surprised that she did his job for him. She didn’t need any warming up

Munson roughly nudged Harrington to the sidelines like an excited kid cutting the line to get the first pick of the candy bowl on Halloween, aggressively spreading Maeven’s legs. He hooked her left one back to wrap around his hips. She was definitely more flexible than she appeared. Munson snaked his hand around her and cruelly trailed from her navel down to her pelvis, eager to finally discover her nooks and crannies.

“What the fuck? She’s already soaking wet!” he laughed in disbelief.

Maeven shrieked again at the contrast from the cold metal of his rings against her painfully desperate pussy. She could see Munson being a generous lover; something about his abundant amount of energy allowed her to picture him reducing a girl, or maybe another guy, to tears with his aggressive tongue and hands.

“Yeah, that’s the thing about little Maeven, here; she’s always turned on,” Billy growled in her ear, watching eagerly as the bound girl’s whines and moans became more frequent. He could watch her fall apart forever. Munson kept relentlessly thrusting his fingers in and out of Maeven’s aching heat-source as he teased her clit with his other hand. 

“Always waiting for her pussy to be filled like the greedy little whore she is,” Billy finished.

. . .

Maeven could feel herself getting closer and closer to the edge of ecstasy when her heart suddenly dropped into her stomach. The mystery presence she usually seeked comfort in had twisted into something sinister that aggressively trapped her body in it’s invisible grip, crushing her underneath it’s weight. It felt so familiar, but also so. . .foreign. 

This wasn’t right.

What was this feeling? Why did Maeven recognize it? What was happening to her body? Why couldn’t she stop herself? Why couldn’t she move anymore?

The heavy breathing and moans against the back of her neck accompanied with the hot weight on top of her was enough to bring her somewhat out of her haze. If it were possible for her heart to drop any deeper, it would’ve, because she knew that musky scent.

“Billy?” she gasped out, her heart immediately starting to race so fast it hurt.

“Shhh, babydoll. ‘Gotta be quiet, remember?” He said it as if it was the most casual situation in the world. What the hell was happening?

“What’re you doing. . .aah!” Maeven choked on a silent scream as Billy wrapped his bicep around her neck to shut her up, cutting off both her voice and her air before he slipped his fingers inside her quivering cunt.

“Just be still and keep your mouth, Maeven. Be a good girl and let me take care of you,” he whispered, biting her earlobe following his last words as he removed his bicep from around her throat and kneeled straight up. Once Maeven briefly celebrated with a long inhale of air, she then involuntarily clenched her pussy around Billy’s thick fingers as he violently massaged her moist walls and prepared her for what would come next. Drawing them from her core, he delivered a sharp slap against her aching pussy before lining himself up.

Why couldn’t she move? Why was she so wet? Had it really come down to this; her own body betraying her?

Her mind became even more fuzzy from the lack of air, the veil between the fantasy inside her head and the world outside it where she was supposed to be sleeping had blended until she couldn’t tell which was which, anymore. And when something so passionately aggressive was shoved deep inside her without warning, Maeven couldn’t even comprehend the difference between unbearable pain and mind-numbing pleasure. She had cried from both before, but the tears falling from her now was something entirely new, and she didn’t like it.

“Fuuuuck, you feel so good. . .” Billy shamelessly moaned out, ramming all of himself into Maeven, from the tip to the base in one thrust. Pressing his chest against her back as her buried his face in her hair and inhaled her scent like his life depended on it, Billy’s sharp thrusts continued. He never wanted to let her go. He couldn’t let her leave him like his Mother did. Maeven was the only ray of light he had left.

“Billy, please wait,” she sobbed out, finally regaining control of her limbs as she attempted to fight her way out from under him. “Let’s just-”

“Shh, we’re just having a little fun. That’s all. We’ll go nice and slow, okay?” he promised, his thrusts then turning harder and quicker as he succumbed to how heavenly Maeven felt around him.

“You don’t want me to reopen that cut, do you, dollface?” Billy took his bicep off from around her throat and trailed his fingers down beneath her to pinch her swollen clit. His other hand traced along the bandaged cuts along her arms and chest; his fresh handiwork from the night before. 

The sudden harsh rubs on her clit forced Maeven’s back to arch, giving Billy the perfect opportunity to grab her hair. She stopped breathing and her world stood still as she realized how close he was bringing her to the edge. Maeven panicked. She didn’t want to cum. Not like this, at least. It was fine when it was only her and the vivid scenes she around played with in her head. But she didn’t ask for this. Billy’s pace picked up and Maeven could tell he was close by the way he was growling; desperately hungry for release. 

Images of the night her life was ruined then intruded her mind; the party and the woods, and what they did to her. How betrayed she felt. How much the knife carving into her flesh hurt. The knife in her hands and how monstrous and free it made her feel. Her blood-drenched, naked body shining underneath the glow of the winter moon.

Maeven squeezed her eyes shut and tried to will all these bad feelings away, attempting to ground herself by focusing on how nice the cold autumn wind felt in contrast to how heated her cheeks were. She wanted to go back to that fantasy. She was safe in there, so that’s where she went.

Billy chuckled to himself as Maeven drifted away once again, knowing that by the next morning, she wouldn’t remember a thing.

. . .

Stay Wild and Safe, my dears!

A/N: ♫♫ I'm sorry I was gone, but look, I made you some content!♫♫

♫ Mommy made you your favorite! Open Wide!♫

♫♫ Here comes the content!♫♫

♫It's a beautiful day to stay inside!♫

Also, Happy Birthday to Me!! I turned 23 on the Solstice! Working my full-time retail job has left me burnt out without any time or energy to create, and my huge family is going through some hardships right now. I'm grateful that I was able to get family leave and it's going to last until February! Hopefully, that'll give me time to rest and put my life together while my family and I heal.

It felt really weird but somehow fitting that I finished this chapter on my last day being 22. Despite the Angst and Heartbreak this held, I really hope you enjoyed this one. I ran into a few roadblocks trying to get it just right. It's my longest one yet. A lot of you wanted some lore dumps and I hope I delivered well. As always, please let me know your thoughts and theories; they really help motivate me.

The Spitifre Curse Taglist:

@yaidothat

Let me know if you’d like to be added to the taglist!

[itscometothis]

Trigger Warnings for Old As Your Omens

Hello! I’m so glad you’re taking care of yourself while reading this thicc war fic. Thank you for actually reading the tags/author’s note and stopping by.

Tags serve two purposes: to help mark trigger warnings, yes, but mostly to tell you what a fic is ABOUT. Even silly tags are actually giving the reader information about the tone and style of the story. However, given this is a war fic and some of our characters have absolutely horrific pasts and go through hard, awful things - listing out every trigger in the tags would a) surpass the tag limit and b) honestly give you the wrong idea of what this story is ABOUT, versus what comes up in it. That’s why we have this post - the detailed, maybe too detailed, list and explanation of trigger warnings in Old As Your Omens.

DISCLAIMER: this is still a WIP. It’s fully outlined and most of it is written (though not necessarily edited), but all y’all who write know - that means nothing if the characters riot. Therefore, I have a PRETTY GOOD idea about what triggers will come up, but not a DEFINITIVE list - not until it’s done posting. I will do my best to highlight any new triggers and warn everyone so we can all have a good time and be safe, but your best bet is the chapter author’s notes.

Now, this is organized! First, are tags that are ON the fic but are more deeply expounded upon. Second, is a detailed list of triggers you might find in the story and then also a brief explanation. There is some overlap. Finally, if you have questions about a specific trigger, just message me! 

More Information On Current Tags (Triggers Referenced By The Tags):

Bellatrix is SCARY | How scary? Deeply! A lot of the blood and gore archive warning comes from Bellatrix’ actions. More specifically, later in the story we see her: commit murder, dismember someone, and torture a main character. She also shrugs off the realization someone has been assaulted and while she does not rape a character, she does allow the rape of a character (which happens off screen).

POV Character Death | This is an ensemble cast; it starts with only Regulus and Hermione’s POVs, but the cast expands. At least one character with a POV will die. It’s on the tin, but it’s worth noting. It hurts, I’m not going to lie to you. 

Torture | Ehm, well... yeah. People get captured, it doesn’t go great. Pasts are remembered.

Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault | Rape is, tragically, often a part of war. It’s never described in detail, but it is referenced at various points. I’ll do my best to mark if a chapter references it. There is also, much later in the book as we get deeper into the war, two characters who use the assumption of sexual assault to exchange information.

Psychological Horror | A character isn’t quite sure of their sanity and questions their reality, which is to me the scariest possible thing, so...be warned!

Walburga Black Is Her Own Content Warning | Implied/Referenced Child Abuse | these characters have survived some shit | These three tags interplay, mostly referring to the same thing, which is that Regulus and Sirius survived an absolutely gag-inducing, harrowing, awful childhood. Of course, it’s Harry Potter fic, there’s other canon abused children as well. The implied/referenced include verbal, physical, and sexual abuse. More details are below as well, but let’s break this down:

What will I SEE/READ in detail in OaYO:

Certain instances of physical and verbal abuse are either remembered or spoken of directly.

What is only referenced?

The sexual abuse is predominantly a reference rather than dealt with explicitly. At one point, a character reckons with their past sexual abuse (victim of pedophilia and incest) - these acts are NOT SHOWN, NOR ARE THEY GLORIFIED! But the character does remember the lead up and the aftermath as he begins to admit what happened was wrong and heal from it.

A Detailed List of Triggers:

Alright, team. This is a behemoth, which means if I tag every single thing that happens, even only briefly, there’d be TOO MANY TAGS to adequately function. That said - this is that list. Let’s dive in! I’m trying to go in order, but this is kind of a massive story to keep in the head, so bear with me please :)

Gore/Violence | This is an archive warning, I hope this one isn’t surprising in a war fic :) I will not warn throughout.

Explicit descriptions of gruesome wounds | Throughout. This will not be warned each chapter. Bones, blood, muscle tearing, the works.

Poorly Understood Learning Difference | Throughout: A character has dyslexia, a learning difference which presents differently depending on the person. Dyslexia is as diverse as humanity is. This character’s experience is SOLELY their experience. However, it is a minor plot point that the character’s parents and the wizarding world at large did not have language for nor compassion towards a magical child who struggled with speech/reading and part of the overall abuse this character suffered from their parent was an assumption of un-intelligence due to the learning difference. Chapter 7: In addition to magical culture, a muggle/magical character who doesn’t know much about it takes a stab at explaining it and promises to look into it more. They do a mediocre job of it, but their character wouldn’t really know much about it at this stage, especially because a lot of research has been done on dyslexia since the 90s.

Suicidal Thoughts | Some of these characters struggle with PTSD, depression, anxiety, etc. and they are neither in therapy or receiving other treatments. These thoughts do not cross into ideation, but they happen. I’ll do my best to warn for them, but I would advise being prepared throughout. Sometimes they’re subtle and I might miss a reference. 

Implied/Referenced Child Abuse | This warning is throughout. Several of the characters have had less than stellar childhoods, and this is alluded to in various places. This is for vague references.

Past Child Abuse: Sexual/Physical/Verbal; Past/Survived Pedophilia/Incest --- NOT EXPLICIT! NOT GLORIFIED! | Referenced throughout (quite subtly in most places, but during a healing arc, more directly), warned in Author’s Note each week. A main character was a victim of pedophilia, incest, molestation, and rape. While none of these experiences are explicitly detailed or shown, they are referenced, and the character struggles with PTSD and magical memories of the events (again, the reader doesn’t see it), all while unpacking other elements of their trauma. Physical/Verbal: some of this is shown in magical memory, mostly it is referenced/remembered. Once in a while it is spoken of directly. This occurs throughout, but it WILL be included in the chapter by chapter trigger warnings. 

Okay, but - why even include it? Ultimately, despite literal gagging and crying for the character on my part, this character was silenced their entire life. Part of their healing is finding their voice despite everything that was used to shut them up and make them obedient - including the shame around these abuses.

Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia | A character raised in the muggle world struggles with his attraction to men because of the homophobic beliefs of his guardians. He has some angst around it, but it isn’t a significant plot point, and after seeking different magical culture sources, deconstructs that piece of his upbringing.

Dubious-ish Consent (Not Between Main Pairings) | First off, fam, it’s not explicit! Just not me. Anyways - two characters have sex, but one lies about their readiness and desire for the relationship. The two characters don’t know each other well, and so the other partner doesn’t pick up on the lie. The partner who is compromising on their desires is a cisgendered man, and is doing so due to past trauma and guilt. It has poor effects upon his mental health. The other partner is a cisgendered woman, if their genders will impact your personal safety/ability to read. 

Dubious-ish? Why not just say dubious? Because, well, the other partner really doesn’t know. She isn’t a mind reader, and she’s going through her own shit, too. Eventually, the more she knows him, she starts picking up on it, and they have a discussion.

Not explicit? Is it off screen or not detailed? Not detailed. The scene does occur, but it would get an M rating rather than an E.

Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault | In a few different instances, sexual assault is referenced or implied, sometimes on purpose by a character hiding their actual (treasonous) activities. Warned by chapter.

Torture | Chapter numbers revealed later (since editing might change them around) ; graphic depiction of this violence in a few chapters. I will warn in the chapter notes if torture occurs.

Major Character Death | What the FUCK!? Why isn’t this an archive warning!?!? Well... it is my hope that when I say “ANGST with a Happy Ending” and “If it’s not alright, it’s not the end” y’all will BELIEVE ME, paritcularly in a fic where resurrection happens literally the first chapter. Okay? Okay. Deep breaths. :)

[melis-writes]

Would you ever do a prompt where Victoria is raped and Michael finds out? If so, could you? 😬

Very, very sensitive and upsetting prompt material. It’s definitely not going to be for everyone. I’m not planning on writing anything explicit, i.e. description/ongoing assault, but more so of the aftermath. This is not canon, of course. I’m kind of basing this off the scene where Tom tells Michael that Kay had a miscarriage in the second film, for imaginative scenery purposes.

“Everything is all settled as Don Cuneo mentioned,” Tom sets his suitcase by the foot of the couch. “He’s bought a dozen or more stocks for the Tropigala and has sent his best regards.”

“Good,” Michael answers back plainly, relaxing his tense muscles against the back of his seat. “I knew Cuneo would come through.” Michael’s eyes dart up to Tom, who lingers around him a few feet away expectantly. “Anything else I need to take note of?”

“Nothing business related,” Tom says truthfully, beginning to feel the weight in his heart double at what he needs to tell Michael about you.

“Tell them they can come in,” Michael appears satisfied enough, gesturing towards the balcony where Neri and Rocco remain for privacy reasons.

“There’s just one more thing, Mike,” Tom clears his throat, beginning to loosen his tie.

“About?” Michael seems annoyed Tom is dragging on whatever topic he’s about to mention, assuming it’s business related.

“About Victoria and her trip to Las Vegas.” Tom mentions, beginning to take a seat across from Michael.

“It’s too early for her to be back yet, yes?” Michael glances at Tom. “I trust all is going well? She called me earlier yesterday afternoon.”

“About that…” Tom swallows hard, looking Michael in the eye. “She returned back very early this morning with Ritchie—“

“Tom,” Michael interrupts, his voice filled with impatience. “Get to the point. What is it?”

“Victoria was raped.” Tom answers quietly, staring down at his hands.

The insistence, irritated look on Michael’s face coupled with his exhaustion from a long flight from New York instantly pale to a disturbed yet soulless expression.

“Her uhh—her court case never happened. She was set up from the start.” Tom wastes no time in explanation but absolutely avoids looking at Michael’s deadened expression at all costs. “She went to meet with the defendant and there was no case, the papers were forged just to get back at her and have her fly down to Vegas. The woman—I can’t remember her name,” Tom shakes his head, “she was hired to set this all up and lure Victoria in, so when she went to meet her in the office, Victoria saw Alphonse instead. He confronted her with blackmail to threaten her reputation and career because she had sentenced his brother to prison a few years back and wouldn’t cooperate with an appeal. She refused and he…” Tom’s eyes meet up with Michael’s, and he can’t help but feel all the more uneasy. “He overpowered her in the office.”

Michael remains completely silent for the longest minute of Tom’s life. He neither moves a muscle nor reacts, but rather takes into account everything Tom’s told him.

The whole story aside, the only thing that matters to Michael now is that his wife was raped and injured by the illegitimate Don of a rival crime family.

How Victoria was set up and who else was involved can’t possibly mean a thing at the moment, as Michael knows such unimportant small details will be dealt with by Rocco and Neri meaning death to all involved and in the know directly or indirectly.

“And Ritchie did nothing.” Michael breaks his silence, having not heard a mention of your bodyguard who accompanied you to Las Vegas. “He did nothing to prevent this and he did nothing to protect Victoria?”

“He did.” Tom says back quickly. “He wasn’t allowed in the room but he remained close by in the hallway. He heard the…the struggle.” Tom lets out a shaky, quiet sigh. “And he kicked down the door.”

“If Ritchie did not kill Alphonse—“ Failure to act and perform the duties of a bodyguard assigned to the Don’s wife itself is a clear death sentence.

“He did.” Tom clarifies. “Ritchie shot him. He rushed Victoria to the hospital immediately afterward and called me. Victoria was on the plane with Ritchie immediately after she was released. She arrived at about 4AM or so.”

“I need to see her.” Michael immediately rises up to his feet, feeling his blood boiling through his veins. “Where is my wife?”

“Michael,” Tom’s quick to stand back up, grabbing Michael’s arm before he can storm out the door. “She won’t talk. She won’t talk to anybody. She won’t eat or drink either; she’s with Doctor Katherine right now and—“

“Where is my wife, Tom? I won’t ask again.” Michael narrows his eyes at his step-brother. “You will tell me.”

“She’s in guest house.” Tom answers, never curious to hold a disagreement with Michael.

Michael pulls his arm back from his brother, instantly moving to exit the foyer lounge room of the central family estate.

Having left his suit jacket behind and his waistcoat unbuttoned, Michael picks up his pace to immediately exit the estate and get across to the guest house.

From the moment Michael pushes the door open inside the guest house, Dr. Katherine rises up to her feet and avoids Michael’s eyes.

There’s only an initial pause as Michael stands in the doorway, staring at you across the living room as you remain curled up on the couch with a blanket wrapped around you.

“Don Corleone.” Dr. Katherine gives a quick bow of her head before speed walking off down the end of the hallway to exit through the back door—a universal signal for giving husband and wife some privacy.

The guest house door shuts behind Michael as he slows his steps, cautiously beginning to approach you.

Making eye contact with your husband, Michael sees the look of bitter, longing sadness and emptiness in one of your eyes swelling up with tears uncontrollably. The other is swollen, black and blue.

A thick yet comfortable fleece blanket is wrapped around you as you shiver, hugging your knees as Michael sits directly in front of you on the couch.

Nothing but silence follows. Michael’s eyes gaze over your face, seeing the corner of your lip puffy, quivering and red from being cut—a blow delivered by the edge of a sharp ring.

Fiery rage consumes Michael from the inside out yet he can’t pull himself to say a word to you knowing there’s more to this matter.

You remain in Michael’s hands as fragile as glass as Michael leans towards you, ever so gently cupping your face with both hands. You flinch at first initially but remain still, shakily breathing under your breath as your husband look upon your facial injuries.

Knowing the blanket wrapped around you isn’t for warmth or comfort but rather to hide the extent of your injuries, Michael maintains eye contact with you and slowly begins to pull the blanket off of you.

As gentle as ever, you let Michael remove the blanket inch by inch. He doesn’t scrape the blanket or press it against your bandaged wounds at the slightest—taking in exactly what happened to you.

Your upper arms are literally with mottled, violet bruising. It’s an indicator to Michael you were manhandled, roughly pinned down in place and kept so by force.

Underneath your fingernails, Michael can see caked, dried blood and he assumes it’s not yours but from self defence. Two of your fingers on your left hand remained bandaged from broken fingernails and shake more than your right hand does.

Michael notices a fairly deep scratch across your collarbone, and sickly yellow bruising forming on the sides of your throat.

As you watch Michael’s eyes gaze lower onto your body, you feel your heart rate spike up with swelling anxiety and uncertainty of your husband’s reaction to the various, fresh injuries over you.

“M-Michael?” You croak out barely audibly, having lost your voice from all the screaming. It’s the first time you’ve spoken since the assault.

Michael closes his eyes for a moment, giving out a painful sigh. The sight of you like this absolutely kills him, crushing his heart. “Victoria, darling…” Michael gazes into your eyes, “I’m here. I’m here.”

Bursting into silent tears, you embrace Michael as tightly as you can with trembling hands and a heavy heart filled with nothing but pain and sorrow.

You whimper and shake in Michael’s arms as he holds you, stroking your hair gently to soothe you. “I’m here now.”

“H-He… He…” You try to form out a sentence weakly.

“I know, darling. I know.” Michael pulls back, lacing both of your hands with his—all of his movements and touch soft with you. “I know everything. He did this all to you, didn’t he?” Michael gestures to the injuries scattered over your body.

You nod back glumly, barely able to see Michael with more tears pooling up in your eyes.

Michael presses his forehead against yours, speaking in an ushered, gentle tone. “I’m doing nothing until you’re okay. Nothing until everything down from the bruises to the smallest scratches heal over you and until you tell me—“ Michael gives your hand a light squeeze, “that you’re okay. I’m going to take care of you each step of the way, do you understand me?”

“Y-yes,” you breathe back.

“Nothing else matters. Nothing but you.” Michael tenderly trails his hands up your arms, kissing upward over your throbbing bruises.

Tears stream down your splotchy, reddened cheeks as you feel the warmth and affection of Michael’s kisses over your stinging injuries.

“We’re going to get through this together, and nobody else is going to touch you.” Michael looks back up at you. “No matter how long it takes or how difficult it is. Everyone involved in this is going to pay dearly with their lives.”

You reach out and place your hand against the left hand side of Michael’s chest, feeling his heart beat against your palm. “P-promise?”

“I promise with my life.” Michael puts his hand over yours.

[kmlaney]

Elemental Writing Ask: Shadows and Sand

Shadows: What’s the darkest theme you’ve ever written about?

I’ve written some pretty dark stuff. Cleaner One dealt with slavery, coercion, and dubious consent (of a variety of kinds, including sexual dubcon) in most every episode. Not to mention recurring themes of substance abuse and suicide. My Sith Warrior’s relationship with Jaesa was uglier than canon due to their power imbalance. Skyfallen includes alcoholism, murder, a dangerous religious cult, torture, malicious misgendering, and an episode of survival cannibalism. Oh, and some gore and cosmic horror. No GRRM-style rape, though. To my knowledge, outside of background material where the character was concerned about being raped (which didn’t happen, onscreen or off), I don’t think I’ve written that topic outside of the aforementioned dubcon scenarios.

Sand: What’s the softest scene you’ve ever written?

You know what, I’m going to post the two that come to mind rather than summarize. One romantic (romance often feels soft) and one not. The romantic one is a SWtOR fanfic (F!Agent x Vector) and the non-romantic scene is a piece of Phil’s background that I haven’t posted, when they’re very young. These are close a decade apart in terms of when I wrote them, 1500 words together. 

under a cut because long

The Song of the Universe (F!Agent x Vector) (originally posted on the SWtOR forums)

“I want to share something with you, Vector,” Sha’ra’zaed said.

“Yes, Agent?” Vector answered.

She led him to her quarters.  With the violet silk bed and the soft carpeting underfoot.  “Sit,” she said, putting her hands on his shoulders and pushing him down gently.  He did as she asked.  Sha’ra’zaed circled around and knelt on the bed behind him.  Embraced him.  Facing the wrong way, he could not return her embrace.  Instead, he relaxed into it.  She kissed him behind his ear.  Then slipped something inside it.

An earbud.

Then one in the other ear.

She kissed his cheek.  “You asked me once what I was listening to.  Here it is.”  She turned the player on.

Music filled his ears.  The sound of alien voices raised in song.  Chords of an alien scale.   “You’ve told me of the song of the universe, Vector.  This is mine.  The song of my universe,” Sha’ra’zaed whispered, “The song of a people I am no longer a part of.” Alien instruments, in harmony, in unison.  Tears filled her eyes.  Spilled over.  Fell unheeded and darkened the fabric of Vector’s coat.  

She watched him.  Watched Vector listen to every piece of recorded music she owned.  Every mood, every thought, every vagary and wish.  The beautiful, the silly, the violent, the sublime.  Sharing her soul in a way she couldn’t with words.  She couldn't read auras and know his thoughts the way he did with her.  But then again, it was Vector.  She didn’t need to see his aura.

He listened as the chrono ticked off its unending count.  The notes faded and he turned to her, “Thank you, Haraz.  We have waited for a long time,” he said.

“For?”

He touched her hair, “To hear the song of your universe.”

“You knew,” she said, “you knew.  Knew I was lying to you.”

“We know, Haraz.  We've always known.  Just as we know the truth in your words now.  You are beautiful to us.  So much more so when your words match your aura." He stroked her cheek, "I love you anyway."

"I cannot always be yours," she said.  Of course he knew.  She should have realized it sooner.

"You were never mine," Vector said, "you are you.  Yours.  You belong to no one but yourself.  And I love you.  With all your different faces and different voices.  I love seeing you beneath all the disguises and knowing who you are.  The beautiful woman you will always be."

"I, Vector?" she asked.

"I are we," he replied, "There is no difference.  We know how you feel about us, regardless.  That which you cannot quite understand about us is part of what you love." He stroked her cheek again.  Pulled locks of indigo hair free and let it cascade over her shoulders.  "Can you not imagine that we, that I, feel the same?"  He leaned forward and kissed her cheek, “That we can love you, every you?” he whispered, “And we have from nearly the first.”

She took his hand in hers, “Vector, this, this us, it won’t ever work.  Not the way you want.  I’m not human,” she said.

“Does it matter so much?” he asked.

“My people are not Human,” she objected, “and the Empire are not my people.” 

“The killiks aren't ours,” he said, regaining his hand, “We still hear their song.”

“You love the Empire in a way I cannot,” she said.

“We love you,” he said, “The beauty of the Killik song is in the individual voices.  No two voices sing the same.  Together they create something more.  Let us be a part in your song, Haraz.  The song of your universe.  For as long as you wish it.”

“I--”

“Listen,” he said, “listen to our song for a little while.  And consider.  Please, consider.” He kissed her, and she heard the sound of his heart beating in the touch of his lips.

Earliest Thing for Phil:

They sent my sisters away for the afternoon so I’m sitting on the bed alone in our room. I hear their voices from the other side of the door. Arguing.

“That's your child. You wanted a son.” Mama.

“She's our child and you know I don't care.” Father.

“You never forgave me for having only daughters.” Mama again. Weeping.

“That's not true, Tess.” Father. Gentle.

“Then why do you pretend she's your son?” Mama. Pleading.

I don’t hear his sigh. It’s too quiet. “We’ll discuss it later.” Footsteps now, growing louder as he approaches my room.

Father opens the door. He fills the doorway, a tall shadow. Mama with crossed arms, frowning, behind him. "Hey, Filly," he says. I say nothing. I know he's angry. When I don't answer he continues, "Can we talk a spell?"

My gaze goes to the floor. I still don't answer. He closes the door softly and his bootheels thunk soft on the floorboards as he comes closer. The bed sags with his weight when he sits beside me. He rests strong hands on knees clothed in denim blue. He sighs. Finally he speaks. "Doc says the Washbourne boy’s like to lose an eye. Mind telling me what happened?"

I grind my teeth. "Lendy pulled my hair so I punched him." 

"That why you cut your pigtails off?" he asks.

"No!" I answer immediately. Then, "Yes." Mama was so angry about my hair. After a pause I repeat, "No." 

"All right, we'll come back to that. You punched Lendall Washbourne.” Father asks.

“He pulled my hair!” I say. I can’t keep the fury from my voice. I turn to see Father’s tired face. “I told him I would. It’s his fault for being stupid.”

He strokes my head the way he does with the horses when they get bitey. It’s soft and warm and gentle. “Filly, a punch in the eye is more than a yank on hair. You understand that?”

My hands ball up into fists like they did when I hit Lendy. Tears rise in my eyes and I blink them away. “I told him.”

Father’s other hand covers my little ones. “I believe you, Filly. And Lendall shouldn’t have pulled your hair. That was wrong.”

I look away, scowling. “No one else thinks so,” I mutter.

His hand slides from the top of my head down the side of my face to cup my chin, and he turns my head so I have to see him. “Well, it is, and you’re in the right to defend yourself.” I can’t stop the tears now. They run burning over my cheeks. Father’s face swims in water. I blink and that only makes it worse. “But the hurt you gave is worse than the hurt you got. You can see that, right, Filly?”

I don’t want to. I want to remember the shock on Lendy’s face when I hit him. The scare on all his friends. I meet Father’s eyes “Now they know better. They won’t pull my hair no more. Or do anything else.” I say.

Father takes his hand off my fists and rubs his own face. He sets his hand back down on his knee. “Filly,” he says, then waits for a minute, just staring at me. “That’s a red road. It don’t lead nowhere good and you’re awful young to start down it,” he says when he speaks again. 

There are no more tears. Not right now. “He started it.”

“And you finished it.” Father sighed. There’s another pause while he just stares at me. “I can’t find fault, Filly. Neither one of you is clean. You’ll cry pardon--”

“It’s Lendy’s fault! Will he--”

Father holds up one hand, interrupting. “Let me finish. You’ll cry pardon for your part. You mayhap crippled the boy for life. That’s no small thing.”

I pull my chin out of Father’s rough fingers to stare at the floor again. It’s not right. I’m supposed to feel bad for hitting Lendy but I only feel bad for making Father angry. “Will Lendy cry pardon for pulling my hair all those times? What about shoving Bekka in the puddle, or tearing Roth’s books, or throwing rocks at the colts in the pasture and making them run?” I look back up at Father and the tears in my eyes this time are rage. “Why is it the little hurts go unpardoned and only the big ones matter?”

His face turns sad. He strokes my chopped-off hair. “They shouldn’t be. But they often are. Mostly because the people watching didn’t have their little hurts pardoned either and don’t know any better.”

“Well that’s just stupid,” I say.

He puts his arm around me and pulls me into a hug. “People grow up but they don’t always grow smart,” he says quietly. I snuggle against his side. My tears make his shirt wet but I can’t stop them. He lets me for a while. After a bit he leans down and whispers in my ear. “And Filly, next time you punch someone, go for someplace meaty. Still hurts and you won’t risk breaking your hand.”

[sherlokiness]

I've seen people use the fact that they think it is likely that R took L as a second wife in a polygamous marriage as proof she's not a hypocrite for her comments on Robert because 'well technically polygamy is not cheating and any child from a polygamous marriage would not be bastard' but it still makes her look very bad and a lot of the fandom refuses to acknowledge this. She literally said Robert 'cannot stick to one bed' and a man taking multiple wives is LITERALLY not being able to stick to one bed lol. Do I think she moronically tried to rationalize this. Probably. Still makes her look awful and she's still a total hypocrite imo.

She canonically acknowledges and knows how painful it is for a woman to be forced into a marriage with a man who can never be faithful yet was complicit with doing that to an innocent wife and mother. She basically had no issues with cheating unless she was the one being cheated on and didn't want to the Elia in her marriage with Robert lmao.

She also canonically watched R disrespect and humiliate his pregnant wife at a huge tourney in front of the entire realm and was like 'yes, this married father of two is the man I love and will run away with him right after his wife almost died having his second child.' Any woman seeing a man treat his wife like that would be immediately turned off, but I guess she's DiFfeReNt.

I don't deny that Martin probably wants us to see L and R as sympathetic and good people, just misguided and miscalculated their actions, but his narrative choices just make both of them total assholes lmao and I just don't think her gets that fact. He's going to have to do a lot of work to make these two sympathetic to a lot of the fanbase.

Hi, anon! Thanks for the ask.

I've said from a previous ask that Lyanna was not a hypocrite per se cause she would be Rhaegar's wife and in the Westerosi eyes, it won't strictly be called cheating. That's just a thing that works in the story. But yeah, RL are selfish idiots specially if we also get an annulment in the books.

The sympathy I have for Lyanna comes from the fact that she's Jon's mother and that I know she has redeeming qualities. My dislike for her is even greater than the others cause I don't see her as a rape victim manipulated by Rhaegar. GRRM making them more sympathetic will probably come from them making Jon? Like in the end, their actions will involve a bit of prophecy and wanting to save the world. I say "a bit" bc I believe they'll be in love in the books as well. It's not like how Dany's actions in the show where she righteously thinks burning innocents is for the greater good. Rhaegar running away with Lyanna wasn't really the spark that started the rebellion. It was one of the fuses but it's not the final straw. Rhaegar could have dealt with it even if it ruffled a lot of feathers. Dorne wouldn't have rebelled even if Elia was slighted bc that would endanger her son's position as the crown prince. Ultimately, it was Aerys' madness at fault.

Like what you said, their misguided actions resulted in tragic fates. That's also why I find them sympathetic but GRRM probably knows they come off as selfish? They don't need to be more sympathetic than they already are.

[qwanderer]

Thinking today about spirk, Clint/Coulson, and the intersection between aspec identities and tropes like sex pollen and omegaverse.

For a while I've been turning over in my mind the common aspect of the modern sex pollen trope where the only thing that's going to cure the condition is sexual contact with another person. The more I get familiar with my own aegosexuality, the more that seems like it must be a rule with exceptions in any realistically diverse world.

I mean I'd believe a story where the stuff just straight up kills some ace people rather than making them immune but I also think that version would come from a different place motivation-wise than most sex pollen stories, which tend to romanticize and exaggerate sexual desire - the "I feel like I will die if I don't get this" thing I've heard so much about.

And any fuck-or-die story that would keep the same mechanic for ace people as for allos, the idea just leaves an icky "corrective rape" feeling in my head.

Anyway I was contemplating the need for fuck-or-die stories with exceptions for ace people when I realized one of the archetypal fuck-or-die stories, Amok Time, literally shows the exception rather than the rule. And I started to wonder how that might relate to acespec identities.

Maybe asexuality is even less common among vulcans than humans, and one of the reasons Spock thinks he might escape the pon farr is that he thinks he might be ace. But perhaps it turns out that he's demisexual.

This is where Clint/Coulson comes in.

I'm pretty sure I've read more than one fic where one of these two is pretty sure they're never going to go into heat/rut/whatever the special intense sexual mode is for them in the au, but then they spend time with each other professionally and that close relationship awakens something in them and they get to experience the state after all, which to me is a sort of analog for demisexuality.

Anyway the thing that occurred to me was that Spock could be demisexual, and working closely with Jim might have been one of the reasons the pon farr actually happened to him despite not previously having shown any tendencies in that direction.

The other thing with Clint/Coulson that I associate with spirk in this context is the way their professional relationship shapes their emotional relationship and how attached they get to the professional dynamic as a result. Like, given their personalities basically the only way to get any of these people to connect with each other in a profound way like this is to make them work together, make them have to trust each other.

So that professional dynamic is both the inciting event for attraction and a thing that gets in the way of taking any action about it because they get attached to the status quo. What a great time for a fuck-or-die element to introduce itself!

And yet from canon, we could still consider Spock ace, maybe demiromantic ace, because there was no physical consummation in his story. There was a more emotion based resolution, one in which Spock was forced to confront how much he loves Jim and how much that shapes his life.

Anyway I think the point, if there is a point, is that as much as I love the smut that arises from similar fuck-or-die scenarios, I haven't seen much that matches the original for creative nonsexual solutions to the problem.

On the other hand, I know there's about sixty years worth of spirk fic out there and I've barely read any of it, so maybe someone's dealt with this already! I'd love to know if they have.

[disco-tea]

You’re so right, Seeing Red really did not have to happen like that. Spike’s epiphany that he needed to get his soul back didn’t have to happen in the form of any sort of horrible violence, whether it be attempted rape, murder, or anything else in that ballpark. It could have just been a simple realization. But nope, Whedon HAD to choose the shock value route despite both everyone on the writing team AND the actors involved telling him it was a bad idea.

Oh op…the unbridled rage I have within me over seeing red…one of those things in canon I would truly like to legitimately light on fire. One of the things that makes me think, yeah, I could actually strangle Whedon. Admittedly, this kind of turned into a bit of a rant and I’m sorry op I just sorta dumped all my thoughts because I have a lot of them, but I don’t talk about this a lot because it’s a subject that makes me uncomfy. Anyway, imma put the rest of this under the cut.

But anyway, you know…I don’t *personally* vibe with most of S6, I just don’t vibe with it because I don’t think it had to be that way. And I totally get people who do think it’s interesting, it is to a degree, but I don’t love it because it feels inconsistent to me, because I don’t feel like it fits with where the characters were development-wise. I don’t think it had to be that way, and to me, it feels like a poor attempt at a slap in the face to the audience who wanted Spike and Buffy together. Like “see. See how bad this is? This is why it won’t work and you were stupid for thinking it would.”

But all that aside…I could’ve gotten over the rest of the season, I could’ve dealt with anything but THAT. People talk about like…’ violating the trust between audience and creator.’ THAT DID IT. Every other stupid writing choice aside, there was NO REASON to subject your audience and your actors and your writers to that. It’s one thing when the actors and the audience go into something knowing they’re going to be dealing with that subject matter, but to throw that in 6 seasons down the road and furthermore with the purpose of demonizing a character you were mad the audience was sympathizing with is truly one of the shitiest things you could do as a writer and just a person in charge in general. To do that to the audience that is invested and to the actors who are IN CONTRACT. And in the last leg of the season no less, when nobody knew it was coming and didn’t have any prior warning.

And see…that’s the other thing. The thing about it that really pisses me off…it didn’t add anything meaningful to the conversation about that subject. It didn’t tell an impactful story about the subject, literally the only reason for it was to manufacture an excuse for ‘redemption’ he low key already had and to prove to the audience he was a bad person after they’d spent 3 seasons showing us how he was becoming a better person and really wasn’t that bad.

It was shitty and a cheap shot, and not something anybody asked for.

And again, it just makes me so mad. Not only that they did it in the first place, not only because it was out of character, but then because they went there and did THAT...later on they started acting like he was that kind character all along, (as of he wasn’t the type of person who seriously preferred monogamy and who loved his vampire wife so much, and was mostly interested in the violence and fighting aspect of being a vampire)

And yeah, I get they felt like they were trying to line up with continuity, but the way S7 pushed the ‘yeah, soulless Spike was always a r*pist’ narrative is one of those things that really rankles me. Because they act like it was a given, like this has been something canon all along, as if they didn’t start season 6 leaving him and trusting him with the care of a freaking teenage girl. A teenage girl who then they had Spike drag into the conversation about that, and yeah, don’t get me wrong, I like the latter half of the speech in Never Leave Me, and I get Spike is trying to get Buffy to kill him and that’s a good way to do it, but it’s the way they bring Dawn into that and frame him that way as if he was ever anything but good and protective and caring towards her. As if he’d ever lay a finger on her.

And my final thought in that vein, about how it was stupidly out of character, is that if you ever watch Spike’s reaction in Crush (when Buffy implies the only chance he had with her was when she was unconscious)…it’s the look of realization and then horror and disgust as he processes her words, and I will take that any day over whatever the hell Whedon thought he was doing with seeing red.

But yeah…anywho, circling back around to the original subject, it certainly didn’t have to be THAT, to make him go get the soul. You know what would have worked just as well, and literally would’ve lined up with canon? Spike being heartbroken and upset and somebody saying something harsh to him and it pushes him over the edge. THAT CANONICALLY HAPPENED TO HIM TWICE. That’s what ultimately led to him becoming a vampire, that is literally why he tried to stake himself in Doomed, because he was already upset, and Xander had finally had it with him and said something, and then he literally tried to stake himself.

There was just so many better ways to handle not only the subject of the soul, but Spike’s character in general.

[timelyowl0]

Brittana/Faberry Fic Recs

Hi! Here’s a list I compiled of some of my all time favorite Brittana and Faberry fics! I was originally going to separate the list by Faberry and Brittana, but many of the stories have both, so instead you can just read the pairings listed for each. They are sorted by multi-chapter complete, multi-chapter incomplete/in progress, and one-shots. Each title is a link you can click on to take you to the fic. All credit goes to their respective authors :)

Also, here’s a quick rating guide in case you needed to know:

GA/PG - General Audience

T - Teen

M - Mature

E - Explicit

NR - Not rated

That’s all, I hope you enjoy!

Multi-chapter (complete):

Between The Lines (T) - 19 Chapters - Pairings: Brittany/Santana and Rachel/Quinn - Rachel invites Brittany and Santana to a sleepover. Brittany/Santana with a healthy side of Rachel/Quinn

The Only True Paradises (M) - 20 Chapters - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - The tortuous evolution of Santana's feelings toward Brittany. See also "Pas de Deux," a companion piece from Brittany's point of view.

Pas de Deux (M) - 20 Chapters - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - Companion piece to "The Only True Paradises." The evolution of Santana and Brittany's relationship from Brittany's perspective.

Faithfully (T) - 5 Chapters - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - "That moment when Santana had sworn, even though she and Brittany were standing at opposite ends of the raised platform…that she could still feel Brittany's energy zinging toward her, like they were connected on the same current." Brittana, Seasons 1 through 5, as told in five increments.

My Girlfriend's Sister's Keeper (T) - 13 Chapters - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - Brittany isn't the only Pierce that has Santana wrapped around her finger. Santana's life with her two favorite people.

Mariposa (M) - 5 Chapters - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - Like a butterfly, Santana's journey out of the closet occurs in stages. From the first time she heard the word gay to the first time she flew free from her chrysalis, she can remember everything.

time passes, in love and in seasons (T) - 4 Part Series - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - Brittana, from the end of junior year and throughout senior year, told through the seasons. Mostly follows Season 3 canon.

Brittana Shorts (GA) - 8 Part Series - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - A collection of Brittana-centric short stories

it’s nice to have a friend (T) - 8 Chapters - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - They're six when they first meet. It's the first day of school in a crowded classroom and Santana finds herself drawn to the new blonde girl. OR The story of how Brittany and Santana meet and all the significant moments in their lives following the first time they see one another. - sequel

A Matter of Miserable Time (T) - 10 Chapters - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - "His voice was deep, quiet, and sure, so calm compared to the last words they had exchanged. Her voice was only a faint whisper as she questioned the man she hadn't spoken to in three years.'Papi.'"

Influence (M) - 26 Chapters - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - Brittany is perpetually cast as the dumb blonde, but the reasons behind her demeanor are more complex than that. She looks back on her childhood, her relationship with Santana, and the life-altering effects the decisions of her youth had on her future.

It’s Not Like I Wanted This to Happen (T)- 101 Chapters - Pairings: Brittany/Santana and Rachel/Quinn - Quinn takes a very drunk Rachel home from a party...encounters the Berrys…and herself. This story contains a huge amount of Brittana and a lot of Puck.

Rough Beginnings (M) - 44 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana - Quinn decides she needs to end this obsession once and for all, but life doesn't always work out the way we want it to. Sometimes it's so much better. Faberry.

Never Asked to Feel Your Halo (T) - 45 Chapters (1/2 in series) - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana - The thing was, neither of them wanted this-whatever it was, but since when did the Universe care about what Rachel or Quinn wanted? Their cards had been dealt the moment they'd entered that shower together. Now it came down to how well they played them.

Standing on the Edge Dancing in the Flames (M) - 34 Chapters (2/2 in series) - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana - Life isn't all singing and dancing, not even in Glee club. And what if being on top of the pyramid just gives you further to fall. When everyone feels like a frienemy and fathers and faculty and babies and boyfriends complicate EVERYTHING, how are you ever supposed to get anything right? (Book Two of the 'No Halo' series)

The South Side of Anywhere (M) - 47 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana - Sometimes you fall in love with your eyes closed, and when you open them, the person is someone you never thought it could be. It started with letters, and turned into Faberry.

Somewhere in Between (M) - 77 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana - Imagine if Faberry happened instead of Finchel. This is a re-telling of every episode as if Faberry were cannon. Each chapter will chronicle each episode starting at the very beginning. Some things will change and some will remain the same. Longer description in first chapter. Also side Brittana. As well as Quinntana friendship, and Puckleberry bromance.

Didn’t See it Coming (M) - 63 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana? - AU HS. After a devastating breakup, Quinn turns to Rachel in need of a friend, and ends up with so much more. - "If, one day, someone asks me how it all started; I'll have to say it was a granola bar that finally did me in." Faberry.

Bet You Didn’t Know That (T) - 19 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana - Faberry. What she doesn't know, she doesn't need to find out.

Take Me As I Am Seasons 1 & 2 (T) - 48 chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn, Brittany/Santana and Kurt/Blaine - The incredibly true adventures of Quinn and Rachel, starting from Sectionals Season 1. It's just like watching the show, if Faberry were the central couple and everything revolved around them! Brittana & Klaine co-star in supporting roles.

Take Me As I Am Season 3 (T) - 26 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn, Brittany/Santana and Kurt/Blaine - The continued adventures of Quinn & Rachel as the starring couple of Glee. Some integration of canon events, but mostly this is the story of Faberry and their world! Klaine & Brittana co-star in supporting roles

Blink and You’ll Miss It (M) - 31 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana - Quinn Fabray and Rachel Berry discover they like each other. Against all odds, will they be able to get together before they tear each other apart?

You’re All I Need (M) - 17 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana - A Faberry romance story, set when they are both single but I haven't specified when as I'm not even sure myself but most of the events are from series 3. Points of view will change every few chapters. And that's probably the worst description you've ever read but yeah I can't be bothered to change it.

quarantining or how quinn might lose it, once for all. (T) - 8 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn - It starts like the worst horror movie ever but instead of being trapped in the basement of a creepy 50-something year old, Quinn finds herself being trapped in Rachel Berry's basement.

Once More From the Top (T) - 22 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn, Brittany/Santana and others - Here's what you missed on Glee: McKinley's Glee Club reformed under the direction of Will Schuester. Rachel tried to recruit the Cheerios but that ended up being a total disaster. It's cool though because she heard Finn Hudson sing in the shower and he's actually really good. She successfully recruits him and now the Glee Club has enough members to be a real thing.And that's what you missed, on Glee!

Outside Hearts (M) - 37 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana - Rachel Berry's world is about to be turned upside down when one of Hollywood's most sought-after young actresses, Quinn Fabray, abruptly and mysteriously leaves her fame behind, moves to Ohio and tries to have a normal life while attending McKinley High. (Faberry w/ some Brittana)

I See That Ragged Soul Take Flight (M) - 44 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn, Brittany/Santana, Mike/Tina, Kurt/Blaine and Sam/Mercedes - Ensemble cast piece exploring what happens after Season 3. Rachel, Santana and Kurt are in New York together. Quinn is at Yale. Explores adulthood, friendship and long-distance relationships. Eventual Faberry. Also contains, Brittana, Klaine, Tike and Samcedes content, plotlines back at McKinley, and frequent use of Santana POV.

All The Best (T, but I would rate M for descriptive scenes of suicide, eating disorders, rape, etc.) - 80 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana - After spending the entire summer away, Quinn is eager to get back to normal and make the best of her junior year. Excited to put everything behind her and start fresh, she struggles to establish a new normal. But when she's least expecting it, Quinn finds support in the most unlikely places and is forced to confront the very feelings that landed her where she is in the first place.

take these broken wings (M) - 4 Part Series - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn, Brittany/Santana and Kurt/Sam - Begins in Season one and follows Quinn through her life should she have chosen to keep Beth, realize she is gay, and fall in love with Rachel Berry. The main romantic relationship will be Faberry, with a bit of Hevans and Brittana, but apart from Faberry it will be very heavy on friendship and Quinn&Beth oriented.

the state of dreaming (T) - 3 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn - Rachel couldn’t help the guilt that bubbled in her chest when she watched Quinn get a prom photo alone. Determined to make it up to her, she invites Quinn over for a sleepover. It becomes a routine. Set immediately after 2x20 (Prom Queen).

Enough to Believe (T) - 2 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn - Years after Shelby ups and disappears from Lima with Beth, a blonde girl shows up on Rachel and Quinn's doorstep, armed with a lot of questions, and very familiar cheekbones.

you and her loathing this cruel world (M) - 3 Chapters - Pairings: Quinn/Rachel, minor Kurt/Quinn and Kurt/Sam - "Of all the girls he had to have sex with (which really, were none), of course it was someone with a painting of Jesus above her bed, so he knows that his only hope in hell that this will go away is in a negative test result." Season 1 AU; Kurt is pretty sure he's gay, but would like to make sure. Quinn Fabray has similar questions running through her mind. They put their theories to the test, with very much unintended consequences. - sequel

I’ve Been Trying to Reach You (T) - 25 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn, Brittany/Santana, Santana/Puck, Rachel/Jesse and Sam/Tina - After falling pregnant in sophomore year, Quinn Fabray plummets from the top of the teen hierarchy at McKinley High to the very bottom. In an effort to give her a chance to start over, her parents transfer her to Carmel, a private school in the area with a blossoming arts program. It's supposed to be a new beginning, but what she doesn't count on is immediately becoming enemies with the most popular girl in school: Rachel Berry, co-captain of Vocal Adrenaline.

The Lopez Manifesto (T) - 8 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana - santana starts writing a rachel/quinn fanfic for everyone at McKinley. it’s also extremely popular as everyone awaits her weekly updates. (usually based on what the girls are doing that week.) quinn is the last to find out and is… pissed.

my heart’s a leather jacket I am waiting to give to someone sweet (T) - 15 Chapters - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - Brittany is McKinley’s resident broody rebel who doesn’t see much point to high school, and who, completely incidentally, just so happens to be kind of a math genius. Santana is Lima's golden child, the perfect and unapproachable only child of public figure Dr. Lopez. She’s also the high school’s enigma; no one actually knows anything about her aside from the fact that she’s cold, distant, terrifying, aloof, and willing to eviscerate anyone who looks at her the wrong way. Unfortunately for her, Brittany is about to get a crash course in the complete mystery that is Santana Lopez when she is asked—or, more realistically, forced—to be Santana's math tutor.

Dead Girls Don’t Sing (T) - 39 Chapters - Pairings: Brittany/Santana, Rachel/Quinn, Kurt/Blaine and Tina/Mike - S3 AU. Brittany doesn't believe in unicorns anymore, Rachel's dreams are as dead as the world, Santana is no one's hero…and Quinn? Quinn's just trying to breathe. The world as they knew it is gone -now all they can do is survive. Zombie Apocalypse. Faberrittana Friendship. Slow Burn Faberry. Character Death. COMPLETE

Simple Parts (T) - 13 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana - That awkward moment when you travel thirty years forward in time and find out you're married to your high school nemesis? Yeah, it totally sucks...except...maybe it doesn't.

The Lateness of the Hour (M) - 12 Chapters - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - "Brittany has much less to lose. She always has."

half of me (T) - 4 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn - a run-in (quite literally) at the bookstore, two broadway tickets, and a seven-year-old in a plaid catholic-school uniform. what has rachel gotten herself into? future AU where quinn has beth and rachel makes it on broadway.

April Fools (T) - 10 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn - Santana recruits - forces - Rachel to help her prank Quinn. All she has to do is pretend that a love potion has caused her to fall madly in love with the cheerleader. Simple, right? Wrong. Faberry.

Stars & the Moon (M) - 15 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn - In the midst of dealing with Beth's adoption, Quinn ends up working on a summer community theatre production with Rachel. Hilarity ensues. Just kidding.

Love Me Any Less (M) - 25 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana - Junior year becomes the beginning of something no one expected, and maybe the beginning of something a few can't understand how they ever lived without. Starts mild but progresses to M rating. First fic ever! Faberry.

Better Where It’s Wetter (M) - 10 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn - Rachel and her dads are going on a LGBT family-friendly cruise for the summer and Rachel's told she's can bring a friend. Who else to bring but Quinn?

Like a Seal Upon Your Heart (M) - 20 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana? - Quinn Fabray is Daddy's little girl and the perfect Christian. She CAN'T be gay. But then her friendship with Rachel Berry starts to change...

Somewhere in Brooklyn (M) - 47 Chapters - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - Santana and Brittany have been trying to get pregnant for a year without any luck. What happens when a teenage foster child and positive pregnancy test land in their laps on the same day? A unique journey of motherhood ensues.

Multi-chapter (incomplete/in progress):

Everyone's Gonna Know Now (T) - 8 Chapters (Incomplete) - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - 3/4 in series - When Santana confronted Finn about outing her, his response was, "The whole school already knows." That was pretty much true. This story is about the first moment or incident in which each member of Glee - and a few others - discovered Santana's secret.

Be Okay (M) - 2 Chapters (Incomplete) - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - “Kurt doesn’t know why he does it. It’s not as if he and Santana had ever had anything resembling a friendship, but he feels drawn to her, feels connected to the anguish in her voice as she realized that her biggest secret in the world was about to be revealed.“ This is the evolution of Kurt and Santana’s friendship taking place over a series of one-shots.

looks like a girl but she's a flame, so bright she can burn your eyes, better look the other way, you can try but you'll never forget her name (M) - 5 Chapters (Incomplete) - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - santana lopez writes down the story of her life for a reunion project set for the glee club by none other than rachel berry. aka, a deep dive into santana's life told through her eyes. very santana/brittana centric.

No One Left to Blame (M, read tags) - 30 Chapters (Incomplete) - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana - Quinn Fabray is well-versed in keeping the truths of her family and her past firmly hidden away. But, her efforts prove to be moot when Rachel Berry, armed with her own secrets of the past, arrives at Dalton Academy and manages to turn both their worlds upside down - or, perhaps, right way up. Faberry. Trigger Warnings.

I’m not breaking, I won’t take it (M, read warnings) - 2 Chapters (Incomplete) - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and minor Quinn/Santana - Santana gets up and starts toward her, “Jesus, what happened to you?” she mumbles, but she's softer than she was moment before. It's obvious that she’s concerned. Quinn chokes down a sob and then admits, “There’s something wrong with me.”“Hey, listen. Whatever it is, you’re going to be fine." Santana is still not getting it, but she’s rubbing soothing little circles on Quinn’s shoulders. There really must be something wrong with her too, because then Quinn is lunging forward and then she’s kissing Santana. Quinn feels her freeze, but then Santana relaxes and she’s kissing her back. or, a study in quinn fabray.

no love like your love (T) - 5 Chapters (Incomplete) - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn, Brittany/Santana and Blaine/Sam - Following the death of her mother, Rachel Berry assumes guardianship of her six-year-old brother, Daniel. After a cross-country move for his sister's job, the first friend Danny makes is a soccer-playing, lucky fin having, firecracker of a girl named Beth.

Song of Mine (M) - 18 Chapters (Incomplete) - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - Santana Lopez, the new Music teacher at a religious private school in Indianapolis, meets Brittany Pierce, the resident Math teacher. A love story with a happy ending. Promise.

Girls Over Flowers (NR) - 14 Chapters (Incomplete) - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn, Brittany/Santana - Dalton Academy—a school of prestige, refinement and the country's wealthiest students—houses the famous F3. When "commoner" transfer student, Rachel Berry directly offends F3's leader, Quinn Fabray, she becomes their target. Mayhem ensues.

we were built to fall apart (then fall back together) (T) - 8 Chapters (Incomplete) - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana - Rachel and Quinn haven't seen each other for seven years and neither thought they'd see the other again. They certainly didn't see themselves starring together in a Broadway musical, as each other's love interests.

A Different Life (E) - 33 Chapters (Incomplete) - Pairings: Brittany/Santana, Finn/Rachel and Kurt/Blaine - Canon!Divergent Brittana. Santana and Brittany move to New York after high school. Everything is going perfectly until Brittany gets a phone call that changes everything. Seven years later, Santana has a daughter and she and Britt haven't seen each other...Canon until 3x16ish. No Louisville, no second senior year.

you get too close you’ll get a royalty high (so breathe it in to feel the love) (T) - 9 Chapters (Incomplete) - Pairings: Brittany/Santana, Rachel/Quinn, Sam/Mercedes, Mike/Tina, Kitty/Artie and Kurt/Blaine - "Alright," she began uneasily. "I'll do it. I'll go to the dumb school."Her parent's smiles beaming back at her were almost enough to make her think this could possibly be a good idea, but the nerves surging in her stomach said otherwise. Boarding School/Royalty Brittana AU

One-shot:

Tattoo (T) - Oneshot - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - "She soaks it in for a few seconds—this night, this place, these friends, this family room floor, this girl—before she says it back." Post-3x11. Brittana.

Eden (T) - Oneshot - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - Brittany and Santana teach Joe about love. 4K

Riding in Cars With Girls (M) - One-shot - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn - After Quinn quit Glee club and joined a band Rachel feels the gap Quinn has left and sets out to get her back, whatever the cost. But what happens when Quinn's only condition involves her car and Rachel's lips on hers every day at five? Punk!Quinn

and things we’re all too young to know (T) - One-shot - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - Five vignettes set after the point when Brittana become girlfriends. Not too many people would guess it, but Brittany knows that loving Santana is the easiest and best thing in the world to do; Santana is just the best person to love.

My Friends Say That I’m Falling In Love (T) - One-shot - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - Brittany and Santana spend the week leading up to Valentine's Day giving Mercedes grief about her date. Brittana romance, Brittanacedes friendship. Mouseverse. One-shot.

And What Would You Say If I Wrote the Whole Thing Out for You? (T) - One-shot - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - Some things have changed a lot since Sam left McKinley and some things haven’t really changed at all. Set circa 3x08.

The Landslide Brought Me Down (T) - One-shot - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - Our girls’ story. Sweet lady kisses, Landslide, their separation, the night of Prom Queen, Songbird, Santana’s Abuela’s rejection, the night after Santana learned about the political ad, Brittany’s senior year falling apart, the lights of New York, and other scenes.

seven (GA) - One-shot - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - A companion piece to 'it's nice to have a friend'. Takes place after the first scene in the second chapter - can be read separately to 'it's nice to have a friend'. Basically just childhood fluff that examines their friendship and the items they connect to their friendship.

baby you don't gotta fight (i'll be here til the end of time) (GA) - One-shot - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - She sees red for all of last period, a strange twinge of pain in her chest because all these people think they know Santana but they’re all wrong. or: three times Brittany tells people they've got Santana all wrong and the one time she tells Santana

The Unicorn Tapestries (NR) - One-shot - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - We lie on our stomachs on my pale blue sheets, a book lying open in front of us that we bend our heads over, sunlight all over the page and bringing bits of gold out in your skin..

But You Could Sing (NR) - One-shot - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - Why am I always the one who tells bedtime stories? Because your stories are prettier, BrittBritt. But you can tell real ones. Like what?

Colors (NR) - One-shot - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - The sunlight in my room shines from the south. The way I know: when I lean far out my window, the sun rises on the side where I can feel my heartbeat, and sets in the direction of my writing hand.

You’re Something Else (T) - One-shot - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn - 'Quinn gets the impression she and Rachel are finally on the same page about what may or may not be happening between them. All she really knows is that it's colourful.'

Raising the Bar (M) - One-shot - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and minor/implied Brittany/Santana - Quinn never expected that the best matchmaker would turn out to be a lumpy pullout couch.

the one with the friends reference (T) - One-shot - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn, minor/implied Brittany/Santana and minor/implied Kurt/Blaine - "You can see it. Quinn standing in front of you, as close as she can get without touching you and saying, 'Are you attracted to me?'" Faberry. Post-season six.

Blame it on the Alcohol (or the gay, whatever) (T) - One-shot - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and minor/implied Brittany/Santana - “I can’t believe what you did to my body, I used to have abs!” - In which one sentence is totally incorrect and causes chaos and havoc and Faberry feelings to happen. Also known as drunk Rachel is kyoot and Finn is stoopid.

could you pass in love? (T) - One-shot - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana - “'Quinn Fabray, I will divorce you, don’t think I won’t!'” In which Rachel and Quinn get married, sending them into a possibly out-of-character feelings frenzy . Season Three. Faberry.

Do You Wanna Know How This Story Plays Out? (T) - One-shot - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn - It's not her fault that you feel the way you do about women, you know that, and you knew that then, too. But you've been angry at Rachel Berry for making you feel things you wanted to lock away for years, and it was far too easy to put all of the blame on her to avoid dealing with your own feelings. It wasn't and isn't fair, but it was about protecting yourself and it makes it a little easier to bear. - OR - After everything implodes with Finn, Quinn moves in with Rachel. They make out a lot without ever talking about how much more it means to both of them. Introspective Closeted!Quinn POV from second-person.

you succeed at being mine (T) - One-shot - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Kurt/Sam - Sequel to 'you and her loathing this cruel world'.

This Must Be The Place (T) - One-shot - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - Santana is eight years old when her Tio Carlos joins the Army. Or the less-cracky-than-you-might-expect Glee/The Losers crossover where Cougar is Santana's uncle. (If it tells you anything, i nearly titled this 'Ohana Means Family.')

This Modern Love (T) - One-shot - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - "How do you know when you're dating someone?"

Beth’s family tree (GA) - One-shot - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn - "Now that being said, my family tree is composed by both my biological family and my adoptive family" Beth explains easily enough as she clicks the mouse. But then the next slide appears and the teacher gapes at all the information, names, colours and arrows in the diagram.

pictures of you, pictures of me (hung upon the wall, for the world to see) (T) - One-shot - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana - "Quinn looked around her room again. She'd never noticed it before, but she had a lot of pictures of Rachel." or: a faberry oneshot set between seasons 1 and 2 where Quinn reflects on a series of moments with Rachel that led to where she is now

anything could happen (T) - One-shot - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn - She stared down at the test in her hand. The line was faint, disappearing depending on the angle. It was possible she was just seeing things, but still. She pulled out her cell phone, tears running down her flushed cheeks. It felt like the earth could open up at any second, just swallow her whole. The line rang. Once, twice, she cursed quietly. She sucked in a breath as she heard a click signifying the call had connected."Hello? Rachel?" Her voice cracked. "Quinn. I need your help." A Faberry-centric rewrite of Rachel's season 4 pregnancy scare

Frannie’s View (T) - One-shot - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn - When Frannie was a child she did everything she could to make her father happy. She was a daddy’s girl through and through. She was quiet and never disrespectful. She went to church every Sunday with her mother and father and prayed every night. Frannie had a lot of friends at school and was popular and well liked. She did very well in school though her participation grades were always low. Daddy told her women were supposed to be quiet and always treat their husbands with respect. She was a princess and he was the King. He ruled the house. Frannie absolutely hated the way her father treated her little sister. Frannie desperately tried to change Lucy. She thought if Lucy could be better then their father would be happier, nicer. OR A journey from Frannie's perspective of Lucy/Quinn and Quinn's sexuality and later feelings for Rachel.

According to Judy (PG) - One-shot - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn - How Judy Fabray deals with Quinn's infatuation with Rachel.

[maybe-im-dark]

I've seen some people on here hating on Murdoc saying he is a rapist, a pedophile and based on serial killers. First off, Murdoc is NOT a rapist. Abusive? Yes! (Although he has gotten better in recent years) But he has never raped anybody! He was a rape victim himself at only 9 years old!!! He did do some terrible things to 2D on Plastic Beach, but rape was not one of them! It has never been implied that he forced himself on 2D in a sexual way! Please don't read fanfictions about that and then claim it to be canon! Because it isn't! What is canon is that he was abused by his father Sebastian his entire childhood, both physically and mentally, including beatings most likely with a belt and fists and humiliation. He learned to lash out in anger, get violent because that's how things were being dealt with at home, instead of talking it out. Which of course doesn't excuse his bevaiour but it explains it. He also is not based on serial killers. Where did you get that from? Damon and Jamie based him on Keith Richards along with some other rockstars. He is meant to be a parody of Rockstars being accused of satanism! If he was based on Ted Bundy i'm sure he would have went on a killing spree instead of a tour with the band. And regarding the whole kik chat where he said the youngest he'd go is 16 on tip toes: The free Murdoc chat bots were created by a social media team, not Damon and Jamie themselves. They just had the idea and the social media team realized that idea. So i don't know if someone from the team was making a sick joke with making Murdoc say that in response to certain questions or if the bot picked up something somewhere. But what you could have done was to report the chat to kik or send the gorillaz account a DM with a Screenshot saying "hey something is definitely not right with the way the chat is going!" I'm sure they would have taken care of it. What you don't do is make Murdoc out to be a rapist and a pedophile and scream your head off on tumblr about it and harrass other users! Finally, i don't wanna see you announcing that you are so sick of this fandom and want to leave it. If you are really so set on your opinion then just leave! Leave the fandom! Nobody is forcing you to stay! But don't make a big thing out of it. This is not an airport, you don't have to announce your departure!

tl;dr: Murdoc is not a rapist and a pedophile and i'm really tired of people making up things about him so they can harass others who like him