#that’s called murder and is frowned upon in most societies

[brittababbles]

While this would not work in my field (medicine) , it’s kind of brilliant in other fields and explains so much about our charting software.

[yes-divine-ruler]

can I pls equest something smutty abt kai anderson, abt him and the reader being in an abusive relationship before he gets arrested and when he sneaks out of jail he comes to visit her and punishes her for not staying faithful whilst he was away (rough elements). This is buzzcut kai anderson btw (ikyk 😙). Fem reader as well pls. The reader is also a former cult member but she was being held hostage so she doesn't go to jail.

I love your account you're acc the best, how do you stay so motivated to write lmao 😭

Escaped Prison!Kai Anderson x Fem!Reader Smut - “Vengeance” (18+)

This goes with another request that was very similar!!

Can we get a smutty dark Fic with Kai where the reader is his girlfriend or ex girlfriend (always tried to escape their toxic relationship) and she had something to do with him going to prison. When he gets out he comes to get her from where she is hiding. And he is MAD MAD at her?

I am putting this one in the super kinky category, with extra angry hurt just escaped prison Kai

CW: oral (k receiving), fingering, rimming, unprotected penetrative sex, mentions of carving and guns, bit of physical violence

Words: 2609

You couldn't bear to visit your Divine Ruler in prison. Something about seeing him chained on the other side of indestructible glass would make him seem weak to you, and that wasn't the leader you knew. He'd been in prison for almost two years, and almost every week you'd get a phone call from Robert Gordon Correctional Facility, that you’d hang up on. Guilt ate you from the inside out, but you were more fearful than anything. Fearful that he knew that you, his most loyal follower, right hand woman and the person who got the brunt of most of his abuse, was the person who turned him in.

Today started just like any other in your small flat just outside Jackson, Michigan. You’d separated from the cult after the eventual capture of your leader, the rest of the men and women dispersing and integrating back into society like you did. You worked a normal nine-to-five job now, and spent your weekends on the sofa with your pet cat, mindlessly flicking through shows to watch on TV. But as night approached, something changed. You felt your stomach drop and your heart pick up pace when the news announced that America’s most dangerous cult leader and serial murderer had escaped prison.

He’d called your landline so many times you knew he had his ways of finding out where you lived. The thought alone made you swallow loudly, and your palms began to sweat.

You decided you’d distract yourself, picking your cat up and taking her outside for a moment to feed her dinner. You lit a cigarette between your lips and inhaled deeply. For the last two years you had resulted to smoking to help ease your stress, a bad habit your Divine Ruler had always frowned upon.

Bright headlights illuminated your back fence as you stood on your porch, and you squinted over it to see what it might be. A shadowy figure departed from a car, and it pulled away from your driveway and sped down the street.

It couldn’t be him? Could it?

You put out your cigarette by stepping on it, and picked your cat up again to bring her inside despite her wailing protests, locking the back door securely behind you. It was only a moment after you’d gone inside that three loud, sharp knocks echoed in from your front door.

You froze in place, holding your cat close to your chest as you listened again to see if the person outside would knock again. There wasn’t anymore knocks, and your front blinds were closed so there was no way you could see out, or they could see in to see if anyone was home.

You set your cat down on the floor, and padded softly over to the front door, looking out the eye hole and onto the street. You had to cover your mouth with your hand to stop a loud gasp from escaping your lips.

It was him. He found you.

Three more knocks sounded through your ears, and scared tears welled in your eyes. What could you possibly do? You had to pretend you weren’t home. Almost as if he knew you’d run with that plan, he began to shout from outside.

“I know you’re in there Y/N, open up, I just want to talk,” you watched him smile menacingly at the eye hole, and it sent a cold shiver up your spine.

You panicked, not knowing what to do, whether you should open the door or continue to ignore him.

“Come on baby, I won’t hurt you,” his voice sounded sincere, but you knew he was emotionally manipulative, a con artist even to you, in your many years of being together. It took for him to be locked away and seeing a therapist every month for you to realise that.

“Y/N! Open the fucking door before I knock it down,” he was beginning to get impatient, his loud insistent knocking scaring not only you, but your cat as she ran to hide under your dining table.

“Okay, you’ve made me do this,” he chuckles darkly, and that’s when you make the split decision to unlock the door and open it.

Kai Anderson stood in front of you with his lip split and his long blue hair shaved, leaving him in a buzz cut. He wore a correctional officer’s uniform, and as you stared at him in horror, he stared right back at you in satisfaction.

“Are you going to let me in?” He said coolly, as you hesitantly held the door open for him to come inside. He stepped passed you, making sure to nudge you with his shoulder, before he began turning lights on around your flat.

“What do you want, Kai?” You ask shakily, as he drops his correctional officer hat on your dining table, peeking under the table at your cat. You held your breath as he crouched down and reached out for her, scared he might hurt her to avenge you, but he only pat her softly on the nose.

“I wanted to see you baby, it’s been two years. Why haven’t you answered my calls? Didn’t you miss me?” His fake sad tone sent another cold shiver through your body, as he eventually stood up again to make his way over to you, the heavy boots on his feet thumping against the wooden floor.

“I-” you didn’t know what to say, as he stood inches away from you, his hand rising to tuck his thumb and finger under your chin. His touch made you flinch, and he let out a small noise as he noticed.

“You’re not scared of me are you? What do you need to be scared for?” He taunted, bringing his face so close to yours you could feel his lips ghost over the skin above your lip.

“Kai I don’t understand, how are you here?” It felt like years of therapy and growth came crashing down as you looked into his dark eyes, searching for the love he once gave you.

“I broke out baby, needed to make sure you were okay,” he lied, his thumb running over your bottom lip as they both parted from his soft, affectionate touch.

“I’m sorry I didn’t see you Kai,” tears fell down your face as you shared this intimate moment with him, and he only smiled softly at you in response.

“It’s okay, I understand why you didn’t,” he said, now with the back of his hand softly caressing the skin of your cheek.

“Really?” You ask just above a whisper, leaning in closer at the off chance he’d connect his lips to yours.

“Yes, because you knew I’d fucking kill you for ratting me in.”

His hand came up to your throat, tightly grasping around it as he pushed you back against your living room wall. Your eyes widened in shock, the reality of your situation settling in as his grip only got tighter.

“You fucking bitch, I gave you all of me, I gave you a place to stay and this is how you repay me,” he spat in your face, as you let out a cry.

“Please- Kai- I didn’t-” you choke out before he cuts you off.

“Don’t even try to lie to me right now,” he reaches into the waistband of his pants, where you realised he was hiding a gun holster, and pulled out a handgun. A scream left your mouth, before he jammed the gun inside it, stopping you from making any more noise.

“I could just pull the trigger right now,” he seethed; his face close to yours as he cocked the gun as it lay against your tongue. You shook your head as he smiled at you deviously, your eyes red from the continuous stream of tears that soaked your horrified face.

“But I won’t,” he said, pulling the gun out of your mouth and letting it fall limply in his hand at his side, “because I have other plans for you right now.”

Kai leaned forward and smashed his lips against yours before you could take a breath, moving with body to press up against yours on the wall. His hands wondered the sides of your body, and although he’d held a gun to your mouth and threatened to kill you, you still kissed him back. Kai Anderson was like a drug addiction that you’d gotten over and now that you’d gotten a small hit, you craved the whole rush again.

Your arms flew up to wrap around his neck as he tilted his head, his tongue evading your mouth and massaging yours. You moaned softly as he pulled your hands away from him without breaking the kiss and holding your wrists above your head, stopping you from touching him. His lips left yours to suck and bite at the skin of your neck, small whimpers escaping your lips as bruises started to arise on your body.

“Fuck, you’re just as fucked up as I remember,” he said into your neck, “what a dirty fucking whore, did the gun in your mouth turn you on?”

His hands left yours to rip at the front of your shirt, tearing it down the middle and pulling it off your body. You gasped as your bare breasts bounced from the hard pull, Kai greedily staring at them before taking a nipple in his mouth. He bit down on it, causing a short sharp scream to leave your mouth, before he sucked on it again harshly. The pain was overrode with the pure bliss of having your breasts paid attention to, something that you didn’t get often after Kai went away.

His fingers targeting your shorts and wet panties next, pulling them harshly down your legs and discarding them somewhere in the room. He took a step back to admire you, naked and afraid in front of him, not sure of what he had planned next for you.

“Has anyone else seen you like this?” Kai was the first person you’d ever been intimate with, and he knew if someone else had, it had to be while he was in prison. The question caught you off guard, knowing that yes you did have sex with other people while he was locked away, but you didn’t want to reveal that to him.

“Even with my name carved into you?” He was getting more angry by the second, his eyes averting to the faded scar on your right thigh.

“Kai- please-” you knew he already knew the answer, deciding not to respond with the truth. He didn’t like that, his hand coming up to your cheek and laying a harsh slap across your face. You cried out as you slid down the wall onto the floor, holding onto your now sore reddened skin.

“You fucking little slut,” he spat, pulling on your hair and getting you to sit on your knees. You let out another cry as he held you by your hair, using his other hand to unzip his pants and pull them down.

“Suck it, before I lose my fucking shit Y/N,” he rubbed his tip against your closed lips, before you parted them, your mouth now filled to your throat with his hard cock.

His hand stayed tangled in your hair as he push and pulled your mouth back and forth on his erection, screwing his eyes shut from the feeling of your warm and wet mouth. You subdued a gag, knowing that would only fuel his desire to punish you for everything that you’d done.

“Feels so good,” he mumbled, fucking your throat as you look up to admire his pleasured face. Your hand came up to cup his balls and he froze underneath you, watching as you fondled them in your fingers. You felt his cock twitch in your mouth, and that’s when he pulled your head away.

“Dining table, now,” he demanded, standing still as he watched you pick yourself up and lean forwards across the dining table. You were worried that your cat was still underneath but as if Kai read your mind he let out a chuckle.

“The cat is long gone, ran off down the hall,” he muttered, your body relaxing knowing she was safe.

Kai crouched down behind your bent over body, admiring the arousal that dripped from your needy pussy.

“So wet for me already,” he cooed, his finger coming up to run back and forth between your slicked folds. You let out a small whine as his finger entered you, and his thumb brushed against your clit.

“You want me to fuck you, don’t you?” He marvelled, pumping his finger in and out of you before adding another. Your back arched at the pleasurable sensation of Kai’s long fingers curling up inside you and hitting your g spot. Small pathetic moans left your lips as he continued his assault within your walls, humming to himself as he felt you clench around him in hunger.

“Answer me,” he said suddenly, laying a hard slap down on your ass cheek causing you to jump.

“Yes Kai, please,” you beg, resting your forehead against the table as his thumb began to rub harder against your throbbing clit.

“Please what?” He taunted, his fingers working faster inside you as you felt the knot in your stomach begin to untie.

“Please fuck me Kai! I need your cock!” You almost scream, desperate to feel your release. Kai tutted behind you, pulling out his fingers just when you needed him to finish you off. You let out a whine in disappointment, before it was overruled by Kai’s cock sliding into you. He gripped onto your hips, steadying himself back on his feet as he began to pound into you against the table. Your hands reached for something to grab on to as he spread your ass cheeks to watch himself move in and out of you. His thumb, wet with his saliva, circled your second hole, a feeling you hadn’t had in so long. Kai knew what you enjoyed and how to please your body just as well as he knew how to break you.

“You don’t cum before I do, you hear me?” He grunted, his thrusts picking up in pace as he threw his head back at the feeling of being inside you.

“Yes Kai,” you respond obediently, holding in your own orgasm as his cock rubs against your g spot the way his fingers did prior.

“Good girl.”

He thrusts slowed, before they picked up again, savouring the feeling of your pussy greedily clenching around him before he felt close to his own release.

“Im gonna cum all inside your fucking cunt,” he groaned, letting out a final moan as he spurt warm strings of cum inside you. Without his permission, you didn’t know if you could cum, whimpering as he rode out his orgasm.

“Cum,” he announced, still pumping inside you as you cum around him.

Your legs shake as you try to keep yourself standing, not daring to look at Kai as he pulls up his own pants.

“Now,” he says, leaning over you to whisper in your ear, “where were we?”

That’s when you felt the cold metal of the gun against the back of your head.

“How undignified, naked and filled with my cum, shot dead on your own floor,” his other hand came to hold onto the gun, as he cocked it again against your head. The pleasure you’d just felt disappeared from your mind, as you squeezed your eyes shut, ready to meet with your end.

“FBI! Open up!”

[jeks-tgs]

Decaying In Reverse - A TGS Murder Mystery

Part 1: The Impermanence of Death

It was a sleepy autumn morning in London when it occurred. Birds flitted about from place to place, their twittering songs serving as the chorus for the steady building symphony of the city below. As the sun's rays began to warm the brick and cobblestone of the buildings, and those who could spent a few extra hours in their beds, a far less sensible man was finishing the last of a stack of paperwork.

Henry Jekyll was known to many as many things; a perfect gentleman, an accomplished doctor, but most importantly, a workaholic. The Scotsman had spent the entire night slaving away at his desk, as evidenced by the horrible ache in his spine and wrist, and the bone-deep exhaustion weighing his too-thin body down. He failed to stifle a yawn as he added his signature to the final piece of paper, blinking tiredly at it. He squinted, bringing the sheet closer to his face, then nodded, satisfied with the level of neatness the writing possessed. He set the paper to the side, glancing about his office while he tidied up his workspace. Upon noticing the time on the clock he frowned. Had he really worked until five in the morning?

As if to answer him, his stomach growled, breaking the silence of the office in a way that coloured the doctor's cheeks a rosy pink. Right, then. If he wanted to get anymore work done today, he needed to grab something to eat. He could work running on no sleep, and he could work without food in his stomach, but not at the same time as he'd found out the hard way. Decision made, he finally stood from his chair, wincing as his back let out a series of cracks and pops more befitting a man at least twenty years his senior. He swayed slightly afterwards, causing him to grip the desk. Yes, he definitely needed some food, his blood sugar must be a bit low.

The trek to the kitchens was surprisingly peaceful. He'd forgotten how quiet the Society could be when no one was shouting or running around or blowing something up. He found himself smiling, tired and bittersweet, as he reminicsed on the memories of those exact instances. The first time Luckett had blown something up, Robert had nearly had a heart attack. The Lodgers had had a good laugh about that afterwards, and Henry had tried his hardest not to laugh at their dramatized impressions of his friend's reaction. His smile faded as he thought about how those moments quickly faded, the Lodgers absorbed in each other and Henry absorbed in his taxes and debts and legal fees. By the time he'd opened the kitchen doors, he was in a rather melancholy mood, which only heightened his surprise at what was inside.

A little pastry sat on a plate, coated with a pink icing, red writing on top spelling the words 'We're Sorry Jekyll!' He found his eyes stinging as the cornera of his mouth tugged up. Maybe all hope wasn't lost. Maybe their was still time to bond with the Lodgers, to rebuild those friendships, to be the leader they could rely on. Heart thrumming with timid happiness, he raised the treat to his lips and bit into it.

To an untrained tongue, the sweet flavour of the pastry might be mistaken for wild carrot, leading to the assumption they were eating a carrot cake of some sort. As a rather experienced alchemist, Henry immediately identified the taste for what it was.

His eyes widened with terror as he hastily spat the bite out, but it was too late. He tried to suck in a breath to call out for help, but already the poison of the plant was constricting his airways. The founder clawed at his throat until his nails were caked with blood, trying in vain to alleviate the pressure cutting off his oxygen intake. He began searching the countertops wildly; if he could get his hands on a small blade, he could puncture a hole in his esophagus, and while it was a last resort, it would allow him the chance to breathe. That thought had bately registered in his brain before his body seized, and he collapsed to the floor, jerking and twisting as the poison flooded his brain.

Aggravated Hemlock, a plant bred as a more fast-acting and lethal version of the common hemlock plant, could kill a grown in five minutes, which would be filled with the worst pain the victin had ever felt.

Henry Jekyll died after ten.

The clock read five o'clock, on the dot.

Henry sgared at it's glassy surface, his entire body trembling. His muscles still ached from seizing for ten full minutes, and the skin on his throat was an irritated shade of red with thin scabs reaching from beneath his jaw to the collar of his shirt, as if a faded remnant of the bloodied mess it had been after eating the poisoned pastry.

Heart racing in his chest, Henry clutched his head in his hands, trying to come to terms with suddenly being a good thirty minutes in the past after having been murdered by someone presumably living in his building.

[asickfuckwithabigtruck]

Hey!Due to the AO3 crash of 2024, it given me some au ideas if my own!Let me introduce to you, the silververse!This post is a general outline of now, but I can always reblog with the history of the silververse/a timeline in this universe or some scenarios to put your little goobers in.Okay here goes:

The world is just as it is.The world is normal.Although, there are some very crucial differences, one being the shadow stalkers.Shadow stalkers are vampire-like humanoid creatures that enjoy the act of killing humans for food and sustenance.Shadow stalkers can consume other alive beings, yet prefer human over any other type of animal.The have the ability to blend into the shadows of humans and follow them into a secluded area to kill them and eat their souls.Why do they need the humans souls, you may ask?Well, the answer is just as follows:Power.The souls of human people make shadow stalker more powerful.Examples of this may be being able to blend into human shadows better, increased strength to make murdering the humans easier or being able to look more and more “human” so they don't have to use their powers to lure them.

Although, some humans are born with an ability call “silverskin”.Silverskin is a thin coat just on top of the subjects skin that would make shadow stalkers unable to take their soul or blend in with their shadow, making it increasingly harder for shadow stalkers to kill and eat the silverskins soul.Silverskin is only something you would find in humans aged 0-25.Over time, the silverskins coat falls away and eventually fall off completely.Silverskin souls are very powerful and if consumed, could even give the shadow stalkers other abilities (Such as hemokinesis or blood manipulation) and a heightened increase in every other ability.This means silverskin souls are very desirable, and if a child is born silverskin, it would be a target for shadow stalkers.Although, Shadow stalkers are unaware that a person is a silverskin until they consume their soul.When silverskins are born, their are medical ways a doctor can determine whether a child is born a silverskin, the most prominent being the child being born pale, hence the name silverskin, but the pale skin would fade from about 6-8 weeks after birth.

Silverskins are very dangerous to families, especially families that live in villages or more woodland areas (most shadow stalkers live in the woods in small patches of land) as if shadow stalkers find out about silverskin children, they will not hesitate to wipe out full families to get them.They are more desirable young, as they are more powerful the younger they are.Many families have been wiped out due to them housing a small child with silverskin.This is why most children born silverskin are rather abandoned, killed by their parents, hidden from the world or are neglected.Rarely, parents would attempt to keep their child being silverskin secret but it's highly illegal and frowned upon in society and if your government found out about this, you are punished harshly.This is because of a history of shadow stalkers infiltrating government (due to their human look) and setting this law.In the present, the humans are to scared to change it for the sake of their lives.This is because of shadow stalkers infiltrating the government in the past (due to their human look) be making the law.The humans are now to scared to change it because of how scared they are of the shadow stalkers.

Okay thanks guys!If you have any question pls put them in my asks.If you use this, reblog this and tag me at @bluejellyfishthelonelypoet on AO3 (ik long name)

K byee!

[sunnyrealist]

🌻 Kate Mayflower, My Adorable OC 🌻

I've been playing around a little bit with AI generated art, just getting my feet wet for now. I decided to try to get some pictures of my OC, and I felt like these came out pretty well. Are there some flaws? For sure! However, I don't really know how to edit them, and it's just for funsies anyway. 🤷‍♀️ I think they're cute!

Some quick facts about my OC, Kate Mayflower, and a few tidbits about my story, The Sun, the Moon, and All Our Stars:

Kate is NOT the MC from Hogwarts Legacy. My story takes place about a decade later. Sebastian Sallow meets Kate and falls in love with her a couple of years after he's out of Azkaban and fully immersed in working as a double-agent for the Ministry of Magic (he's assigned to take down a gang of dark wizards called the Kelpies, who broke him out of prison). The Department of Magical Law Enforcement cut a deal with Sebastian that he can stay out of Azkaban if he, in good faith, works alongside aurors to bring the Kelpies to justice.

Kate is 24 years old. Her birthday is May 19th, and she is a Taurus.

Kate is extremely wary of Sebastian once she finds out about his past. He has to work hard to win her over and prove he doesn't actually want to dabble in the dark arts anymore. He is head-over-heels for Kate, the beautiful woman who shares his sense of humor and fun and actually gave him a chance and accepted him.

She lives alone in a tiny cottage just outside of Hogsmeade and works as the assistant librarian at Hogwarts. She grows more and more frustrated with Madam Scribner, who just will not retire. Kate's goal is to take her place as Head Librarian and to someday open up her own bookshop in Hogsmeade.

Personality traits: Kind, sweet, thoughtful, bubbly, friendly, intelligent, funny, witty, mischievous (with no ill intent), romantic, passionate and wants to learn everything about/master all of her hobbies, optimistic but rational, accepting, isn't afraid of hard work. If you haven't already guessed, she was a Hufflepuff during her Hogwarts education!

Flaws: Struggles to make big decisions, often lonely now that she and her friends are now grown-up and have different lives, gullible, stubborn, cares way too much about what her family and other people think

Main conflict for Kate: How the hell she's going to explain her relationship with Sebastian to her family and get them to accept him. She knows her "high society" mother in particular is going to absolutely freak out when she finds out that her daughter's boyfriend never graduated from Hogwarts, is a murderer, and was sentenced to life in Azkaban and is only out at the Ministry's pleasure.

Hobbies: Cooking and baking, reading (especially muggle literature, which most people frown upon), gardening and tending to plants, playing piano

[atakdanote]

Desire

Desire is a strong feeling of wanting to have something or wishing for something to happen. Desire resides in the pleasure principle. It motivates us to act so that we may satisfy our desires. Shakespeare’s Hamlet is filled with acts of desire. Claudius desired his brother’s crown so much that he was motivated into committing murder. After murdering his brother, Claudius took over as King of Norway and married his brother’s wife, Queen Gurtrude. This treacherous act has disturbed the spirit of Old King Hamlet, and thus his ghost haunts the living because he yearns for vengeance.

Hamlet’s does not desire to commit murder and so he struggles with himself. Hamlet is an educated man, intelligent and wise, which attributes him with a well-developed ego and superego. This overly developed intelligence kept his desires in check until he met his father’s ghost. He vowed to fulfill his father’s wish for vengeance, and this causes an internal conflict within him. This conflict is especially highlighted when he struggles with his relationship with Ophelia, his mother, and his uncle, King Claudius.

Hamlet loves Ophelia, and as a matter of fact, he has expressed his desire for her by writing her love letters. But, as he is now bound to enact vengeance, he wishes to distance himself from Ophelia. In fact, upon finding out that Ophelia is doing her father’s bidding by spying on him, his heart is broken and he becomes cruel towards her. He feels betrayed, and proceeds to mock her and calls her unchaste.

Ophelia is fraught with desire. She desires to wed Hamlet, but her brother, Laertes warns her about having marital relations before being wed. This act is frowned upon by their society and their Christian religion. Laertes warns that no man will be with her if she loses her virginity prior to marriage. Laertes also warns her that Hamlet has obligations as Prince of Norway and may not have control of who he chooses to marry. This breaks Ophelia’s heart as according to her in Scene 5, Act 4, she had already lost her virginity for having sex with Hamlet. “Before you tumbled me, You promised me to wed.” (p.107) Ophelia thought Hamlet and her would one day wed.

Hamlet loved his mother, but now he feels that Queen Gurtrude is in an incestuous relationship with his uncle. Hamlet feels like his mother betrayed his father by marrying his uncle mere months after the late king’s death. Now, Hamlet desires to enact vengeance on his mother for her infidelity. However, Hamlet was restrained from hurting his mother by the manifestation of his father’s ghost. Old King Hamlet’s ghost appeared to Hamlet and reminded him of his promise to not punish his mother.

Hamlet’s plot for vengeance is masked in deceit as he pretends to be unbalanced so King Claudius and his spies will not be suspicious. He might actually be turning a little insane because of his mental breakdown. Hamlet’s madness is due to his internal conflict. In one end he desires to be a normal student, a Dane, or citizen of Norway, but he is obligated to fulfill his late father’s desire. He desires Ophelia, but he can’t have a normal relationship with her because he is burdened with his promise to a ghost. Seek vengeance on his uncle. Hamlet’s ideals and morality overshadows his id personality, and thus his desires are muted.

In conclusion, desire is a strong emotion that lies in the id personality. It drives some people mad. It motivates people to murder and treachery. The play Hamlet is a conflict of emotions, most notable of them being desire. Each character is in conflict with their own desires. The resulting emotion is of guilt as it conflicts with one’s ego and superego. Their desires conflict with their moral principles and their conscience.

[spirit-pyrite]

A littol bit of creative writing. I’m very fond of the ‘Humans are Space Orcs’ trope. Wanted to do share some ideas! I’m not a writer, so apologies if this is not great.

________________________________________

TRANSCRIPT- PROJECT LOG 0068109, AUDIO LOG OF INTERVIEW 0017, D12-M08-Y2104.

PRESENT-

TERRAN DIPLOMAT, LARK WAYNE

OLJÙŒ ANTHROPOLOGIST, TEÎACC- OL

AUTOMATIC TRANSLATOR VER. 1077 USED

TIMESTAMP- 40 min 56 sec

>START<

[TEÎACC] What’s next to talk about?

[LARK] You tell me! It seems like you’re guiding the conversation here. Besides, you’re the anthropologist, I’m sure that our guys will have plenty of questions for your diplomats.

[TEÎACC] (tail curls slightly-indicates good mood/nature) Yes, yes… Oh! Well this is an exciting question.

[LARK] (tilts head- indicates curiosity)

[TEÎACC] (tail curl drops- indicates loss of good mood/nature) Well, rather grim I suppose. We- anthropologists I mean- have been theorizing. You lot are an exciting discovery for us, we’ve been debating what a sentient Predator would look like for a long time.

[LARK] (Head straightens- indicates a return to serious approach/ focusing of attention) Ah, what’s your theory say about us then?

[TEÎACC] A lot of things. But I’d like to talk to you about In-species homicide. We’ll leave out of species homicide for another day.

[LARK] Ah, murder.

[TEÎACC] The colloquial term?

[LARK] Yes. When you kill another person it is called murder.

[TEÎACC] I’d like to talk to you about murder then.

[LARK] That’s a broad subject, and with a lot of implications, Anthropologist. Could we start with your theories?

[TEÎACC] Certainly. Seeing as Humans are a Predator species, the general agreed upon theory is that murder is part of the social dynamic- has become standardized so to speak.

[LARK] I’m still not quiet clear. Could you explain how your species, or Prey species in general I suppose, view murder?

[TEÎACC] In nearly every previously known sentient species murder is regarded as the mark of the truly perverse and insane. In some cultures it is seen as a supernatural event. It is universally not tolerated, with the exception of one or two species that practice the ritual death of dying loved ones.

[LARK] Well, it’s certainly frowned upon within Human society as well. It’s considered an immoral act.

[TEÎACC] (Arms fold- indicates comfort) That is promising. Are there cultural exceptions?

[LARK] (Hunches and turns faces slightly away from addressed- indicates resignation/ embarrassment/ reluctance/ exhaustion) Well, yes now that I think about it. Quite a few.

[TEÎACC] (Arms drop and Legs pull in slightly- indicates discomfort/ fear) Continue.

[LARK] There are differences between cultures of course-

[TEÎACC] (Tail curls- indicates good nature/ excitement) Yes, that is the purpose of having so many interviews.

[LARK] ( Complex facial expression including lowered brow and thinned lips- indicates disapproval/ irritation) {Kinesthetic Translator’s note, this is likely a show of disapproval because Anthropologist Teîacc ‘interrupted’ Diplomat Lark} Yes, I suppose. But to continue, it is considered morally acceptable to kill someone in self defense in most places.

[TEÎACC] (Tail lashes laterally- indicates curiosity) What are you referring to when you say ‘self defense’?

[LARK] Well, if some one else were trying to kill you.

[TEÎACC] (Legs pull in- indicates fear) Does this happen frequently?

[LARK] Not typically, no. But enough that it is frequently depicted in media and is part of an individual’s conscious thought on occasion. The being attacked part, not the attacking.

[TEÎACC] Ah, I forget that Terra is a Death world.

[LARK] Yes. The other type of moral murder I can think of is the ‘death penalty’. Though many would argue on the morality of that.

[TEÎACC] Elaborate?

[LARK] For some crimes, in a few places, one of the legal punishments is to be put to death- executed.

[TEÎACC] (Legs pull in and arms spread outwards slightly- indicates extreme discomfort/ fear) Ah, yes. Well I suppose that does fall within our theories.

[LARK] That and war.

[TEÎACC] We do not need to discuss war. That is a much deeper discussion, and one that I am not prepared for.

[LARK] (Exhalation of air and slight drop of shoulders- indicates relief)Good, I don’t particularly want to talk about war either.

[TEÎACC] (Legs fall slightly and arms return to resting position- indicates slight relief and loss of extreme discomfort/ fear) Well, this is a surprisingly frightening subject to talk about. Not surprising really, or shouldn’t be. I keep forgetting how brutal- never mind that.

[LARK] Should we take a recess? We’ve been at this for a while anyways.

[TEÎACC] (Legs lower- indicates relaxation/ loss of discomfort) Yes, that is a good idea. Thank you for your consideration Diplomat.

[LARK] (Laughter, considered a non-linguistic communication- indicates amusement/ good nature) I could use a break too, you know!

[TEÎACC] (Tail curls- indicates good nature/mood) {Kinesthetic Translator’s note, this is likely a conscious choice to mirror Diplomat Lark’s show of good nature, as humans communication has a high amount of reciprocal mimicry} Yes of course, apologies for keeping you. Oh! One more note before we pause. What is the cultural view of murder in general? Aside from the moral perspective. As a Prey species it is utterly unnatural, but that does not necessarily apply for a Predator species.

[LARK] Ah, that I think has more variety in perspective. But in my personal experience, murder is seen as a return to our ‘dark side’. It’s an act that reflects the worst parts of our humanity - our nature- but is nonetheless a part of all of us. All of us have the potential to do greatly immoral acts. Murder is a fall to those unsavory parts of our nature.

[TEÎACC] (Tail sways laterally- indicates curiosity/ contemplation) Aptly put I would think. Certainly something to think about.

>STOP<

GESTURAL TRANSLATIONS NARROWED TO POSSIBLE CONTEXTUAL MEANINGS BY OLJÙŒ APPRENTICE KINESTHETIC LINGUIST, FFÂ-YUL

>SEE MORE

[dienamights]

Unfavorable Guidance | H.Shinso

​✎ Mindjack has been doing these kind of jobs since he was recruited as a hero, he is unmistakingly the best at them, doesn’t need anyone butting their noses in his business, especially you, the sly fox in disguise, offering your tainted helping hand.

✎ Protagonists: Hitoshi Shinso x Fem!Reader.

✎ Word count: 6.4K

✎Category: noncon/dubcon, Smut MDNI, Prohero!au

✎Caution(!):  noncon/dubcon, Smut 18+ MDNI please, , mentions of alcohol, mentions of murder, minor character death, sex under quirk use, spitting, degrading, swearing, manipulation, unprotected sex. 

✎ Author’s notes: I KNOW I’M LATE EUFGKHDFVBDFXL, but here is my contribution to @daisy-bakugo​ 2k event Vice City! Please take the time to read everyone’s work if you haven’t! Thank you so much for letting me participate.

I listened to this throughout the entire process of writing it, if you’re familiar with Kingdom Hearts, some names will ring a bell to you lol. also I hate the header and the summary but you’re just gonna have to live w it for now cause its 8 am I NEED SLEEP

» Masterlist | Requests | Taglist

The annual auction of Vice City is one of the biggest social events of the year. The wealthiest families and richest people in the world come from everywhere in attempts to win what is secretly considered the greatest treasures of all time. Greatest and most expensive.

Alas, the after party held later on is what people are all secretly actually waiting for, where the most exquisite and rarest artifacts of the year get auctioned off to whoever is lucky enough to even be included in the guest list.

While not all are there for the auctions, it certainly is the perfect opportunity for anyone who's anyone in the world to show off their wealth. Filthy rich people sway all around, laughing and bragging. Venetian crystal chandeliers, velvet carpets, gambling, and alcohol. Men with their cigars, men with their wives, and men with their arm candies, their escorts or mistresses.

Yet, Shinso isn’t here for the luxury, he isn't here for the fame and the fortune, nor the reputation people thrive for when they buy those - meaningless, he calls them - relics. No, he is here on a mission, one he certainly wants to be done and over with because he wants to go home. He loosens his tie with an aggravated sigh before knocking back the last of his only gin and tonic, the bitter taste prickling his throat as he surveys the crowd of people all around him while he stands idly by the bar.

He knew it’d be a pain in the ass the second he got the mission assigned to him from the agency, the words “intel” and “Vice City'' of all places forced a frown upon his face, yet, being the most suitable for this job, he couldn't really decline.

Mindjack isn’t the type of hero you see on billboards and magazines, isn’t the type of hero to kiss babies’ heads that get thrusted at him in meet and greets, he certainly isn’t one to have those adoring fan clubs that follow his every move, posting about his greatest conquests. Oh no, he is a hero that works in dingy jobs with filthy manipulative men in black markets and the human trafficking industry, undercover -lie through your teeth throughout the whole ordeal- kind of hero, the kind of hero that goes home at the end of his missions with no gratitude towards his work, because nobody knows who he is or what he contributes to the society.

For the longest time, Shinso accepted the life he’s living, he didn’t look for validation from the citizens, knowing his work is always beyond the scope of their knowledge and their awareness, but sometimes, just sometimes, the sour droplets of envy would foul his mouth when his amethysts for eyes scan over the extravagant heroes, making a show out of saving their cities and getting praised and awarded and loved for doing what they’re supposed to be doing, their job. 

“Squeeze that glass a bit more and you’d break it”

A voice just like silk, weaving around him and entrancing him, Shinso blinked twice before his eyes dragged over to you, oh so beautiful and oh so close. Your nimble fingers wrapped around his fingers, the lacey glove lightly scratches his hand before he lets go of the glass in surprise, dropping it into yours. You giggle sweetly, turning around to place it on the bar before ordering your own, but not without looking at him over your shoulder and sending him a smile.

“What will it be, sugar tits?” the bartender leans over the counter, towel thrown on his shoulder as he sends you what's supposed to be a sultry look. Your elbow is placed on the counter while you rest your chin on your hand, smiling temptingly at him. “Anything that’ll get you to stop staring at my boobs.” Shinso almost laughs at the contrast between your smile and your voice, sharp and venomous, and the man leans back so far from you like he’s been stung. Walking away to work on a drink for you.

Shinso’s eyes rake your body without his knowledge, he admires the dress adorning your body, hugging you in all the right places, cascading down to the floor, and that slit my god, your legs looking endless in those heels he wonders how you can strut so elegantly with them on. A snap of your fingers breaks his trance and he tries - keyword tries - to act nonchalant to his obvious ogling and you only laugh in return.

You hum lowly, “So,” you’re turning to face him as you lean back on the counter, pushing your chest out to grasp even more of his attention, “what's an esteemed hero like you doing in a place like this?” It takes Shinso a good minute before he narrows his eyes, left foot back and ready to either take you down or run away if you were to involve greater forces. No one is supposed to know about his true identity, no one is supposed to know that there is a hero within them.

But what shakes his demeanor is the way you dangle his wallet in front of him, like dangling a stupid feather for some silly cat, waiting for it to jump at you to entertain you. Shinso swallows with a struggle, deciding that using his quirk to retrieve his wallet back will lead to him leaving, and he didn’t want that. He’s been keeping an eye on the wanted man for hours now, and it’ll all go to waste because of your slimy little hands and your-

“Here,” you toss it back to him, and he stumbles a bit before catching it properly, eyeing you for any sudden movements, but you simply turn back around in time to hold the drink from the bartender’s hand with a smile dazzling your lips. “You’re getting intel on The Wise?” you mumble against your cup, sipping slowly, eyes never leaving Shinso’s glaring ones. How the fuck do you know?

“You’re not the first.” you smirk, finger wiping the smeared lipstick against the glass before circling the rim. “You all look the same, thinking you’re better than them because of your position in the society, only for that ego to come and bite you right in the ass.” It’s almost ironic how poisonous your voice could get while still maintaining that mesmerizing smile, and oddly enough, Shinso’s eyes keep drooping despite his desperate attempt to fight against them.

You hum again, the click of your heels sounding muffled to him, eyes blurring when you get so close to him your breath tickles his cheek. “But you’re different, hmm? You’re gonna make the bad guy go away?” 

“Yes.” it's rushed, almost desperate, and the hero is astonished at how he sounds. “Then, lemme help you… Hitoshi.”

A blink, and you’re gone just like you vanished right from under his nose, slipped right between his fingers. A low curse escapes Shinso’s lips and he turns around swiftly to question the bartender, hell bent on getting any information on the girl that just revealed his entire identity and mission to him in a matter of seconds. 

“How can I help you, sir?” the question boggles his mind, the big burly man with an attitude problem wasn’t there anymore, replaced by another sweet woman that held concern in her eyes at his sight. “You’ve been staring at the wall for a while there, need me to call your driver to get you back?” 

“Wa- but I- She,” Shinso’s body started heating up in anger, worry, embarrassment, he doesn’t really know, but what he wants to know right this instant is how long he’s been out of it and for god’s sake, why?

Shinso doesn’t really consider himself to be the sharpest tool in the shed, but dammit did he feel like a complete idiot letting you run off like that, a quick trip to the restroom for a splash of water clears his head enough for him to pull back his wallet from his pocket, flipping through it and finding something he was absolutely sure wasn’t there prior to your visit. A silver card, with ‘Surveillance room’ scribbled on a note behind it.

Caving in and accepting whatever help you were offering him, Shinso slides the card through the reader, sighing in relief upon the satisfying ding sound, followed by the door opening to the surveillance room.

“Now that’s what’m talking about.” life got so much easier now that he could watch The Wise through multiple screens, making it hard to miss a single move of his. The hero allows himself to relax a bit, hand messing with his hair and tired eyes blinking in irritation against the glare of the screens. The Wise was the mastermind of Organization XIII, as their name intel, they’re consisting of the same thirteen members that founded it years ago, nobody really knows how they started, what shocked the whole world is how grand their first crime actually was, bloodbath of the century -they would call it, seventeen slaughtered heroes, followed by their families, including women and children, thousands of millions of ¥ in money laundering atop of it, all within a span of 4 months, that was years ago, back in their prime.

Now, with eight of them behind bars, the remaining five were able to stay under the radar, distributing whatever money they were able to keep between them and fleeing to different parts of the world. Just because they were apart, didn’t mean they were any less dangerous, The Wise is a prime example for that, brutally murdering three of the undercover heroes sent his way to bring him back to justice, but they weren’t Shinso, he’d try to remind himself.

May their soul rest in peace, they were those heroes he felt dissociated from, the type of heroes to flaunt their powers, monetize the peoples’ knowledge of their quirks, uncover the secrets of their job, they were easy targets for people like The Wise, he’d know their weaknesses and how to take them down before they even think about pursuing him. Now, Mindjack was a different story, he wasn’t held on a pedestal by the people he saves, simply because they don’t recognize him, while he would loath that reality sometimes, he thanks the god for it today, as he’s watching the man’s call out for a drink.

Amethyst eyes scan the remaining screens, widening upon the sight of you looking right back at them, you are a vixen to him, eyes half lidded with a smile so intoxicating it does nothing but entrance whoever was lucky enough to catch its sight. Lace clad fingers wrapping around a piece of paper, you are so beautiful, Shinso tries to stop his mind from wandering, imagining what you wore underneath that angel crafted dress, envisioning what those fingers could do to please him, the same fingers that held the unfolded paper, the word ‘RUN’ smeared across it in lipstick.

Wait a minute, run?

Even before the poor hero could react, the similar satisfying -now dreadful- ding rings in his ear, before the door opens behind him, illuminating the room even more. Shinso stands to face two men, both as surprised as he is to see another occupant in the room. Right before any of them move, the hero opens his mouth and prays to god that whatever way he’s winging it works. “You got a permit to be here?”

Jesus one of you answer, and they both do - the left having fingers curving into talons while the right pulled at strings from the tips of his fingers, both ready to attack - and by god Shinso couldn’t be happier upon hearing a sound, because the minute the word ‘yes’ slips through their lips, Mindjack is smiling like a madman, welcoming the look of glossy eyes and heavy heads like a beloved relative’s return back home. 

“Great… Now,” the two manipulated  men face him, unaware of the dreaded fate bestowed upon them, while Shinso just can’t seem to keep the glint in his eyes at bay. “Why don’t you put on a show for me,” he breathes, smiling down at the ground before looking at them. ”Choke the fucking life out of each other.” The men don’t even blink, quick to face each other and jump, hands wrapped around throats like a vice, Shinso only moves away from the men on the floor as they thrash and kick at each other, limbs flailing as they try to force the life out of each other.

Turning his back against them, Shinso eyes the screen he was monitoring before their entrance, ignoring the groans and gasps of air behind him. He curses under his breath when he sees The Wise getting up from his place, heading towards a room that is supposed to be monitored by screen #6, but is purposely out of service. If he isn’t able to question The Wise or even keep an eye on him, then he’s gonna head on over to the next best thing. Gargled screams echo through the corridor as the hero makes his exit, making sure the door clicks shut behind him, he wouldn’t want to cause disturbance to the esteemed guests of the society of lowlifes.

Mindjack works in dingy jobs with filthy manipulative men in black markets and the human trafficking industry, killing machines that didn’t spare the live of the innocents, so why should he spare theirs? 

Shinso makes it back to the main event, immediately finding you between guests, sitting so pretty on the poker table, eyes drawing him closer, the grin adorning your lips now wobbly, easy for him to distinguish as fake, forced, a façade kept for the people surrounding the table. He is hasteful in settling himself in the chair near you, shoulders tense when different pairs of eyes fall upon him, the dealer shuffles the deck to draw cards for Shinso, but you hold your hand out with a smile. “He’ll sit this one out, by my lucky onlooker.” A round of laughter causes Shinso to flush in embarrassment, feeling degraded and looked down upon by all these lowlifes, petty thieves and criminals, thinking they’re better than him, oh he’ll show them.(1)

It takes a few rounds for the table to empty out, now occupied by Shinso and yourself, the dealer asks him to move over to the next chair before they start their game. “Place your bets.” you’re quick to slide over a few of your chips to his side - some black, others red and blue, he didn’t really pay that much attention to them- your eyes daring him to reject your invitation to take the money to play.

He only blinks at you, his eyes seemingly never wanting to lose sight of you as he fights with himself to sit straight to face the dealer again, the man proceeds to deal both of you the cards for you to review before placing your bets. “You tricked me.” Shinso is almost appalled at the hurt laced in his voice, as if the two of you had a bond that was never meant to be broken. “don’t believe so, told you to run didn’ I?” The mockery in your voice is a hoax, the single twitch in your brow catches his attention and he can only deem it as you being stressed, whether it be because of the ordeal regarding the surveillance room or not is beyond him. No, he was stupid and foolish and he will not fall for your silly games again. “Exactly, you knew they were coming.” you hum in response to his accusation.

“Call.” Dropping a few of your chips on the table, your eyes shift momentarily to him, “I did, I said I’d help you and here I am.” He slams his bet on the table, ‘Raise’ gritted right through his teeth at your words. “I don’t want your help!” He reveals his cards on the table, a way to show his disinterest in your assistance as the dealer announces ‘Flush’ at his hand. Your eyes meet again from above your cards, now narrowing down instead of the half lidded look you seem to always have “You don’t want it, but you need it.” The façade you held before is slowly but surely breaking, now a deep frown tugging at your lip as you reveal your own hand, brows furrowing even further in challenge as you hum in displeasure when the dealer announces your ‘Full House’ hand to be the winner of this round.(2)

Shinso moves swiftly to stand when he sees you do the same, right before his entire world starts to spin, lights and colors mingling together and causing his head to spin, he sits down again, head between his hands as he tries to calm himself down, it's probably the strain of the mission, maybe it’s the weight bestowed upon his shoulders to finish it up. The hero lifts his head up to ask you, about something he himself isn’t even sure of, he just wants to hear your voice, like a drug to him that he can’t help but ask for more. Except when he does, you aren’t there, the table is occupied by different people, the dealer is another man with longer hair and slimmer figure, and by god did Shinso want to rip his hair out.

The minute he feels like he could get back on his own to feet without falling down on his ass, Hitoshi is quick to check his pockets, adamant to find a clue your sneaky hands slid into one of his pockets while he was out, despite the tantrum he almost threw at not wanting your help nor guidance, and he does find something, a simple metal key, attached to it was a tag with the number XIII on it. 

In his shock, he almost drops the key on the ground but barely holds himself together to avoid any further embarrassment, Shinso takes deep breaths, knowing that the key in his possession is his entry to the heart of the organization, and especially to The Wise. 

Every year, specifically at the Vice City annual auction afterparty, The Wise holds a meeting with the most dangerous men within the continent, the most loathsome masterminds of the criminal world, all in the hopes of recruiting one of them into the organization, to uphold its name and spread its message. Every year, with no recruitment yet. 

With trembling hands, Shinso stuffs the key back into his pocket, eyes on the lookout for anyone who might’ve caught the key in his hand, but sighs in relief when he sees some engrossed in their meaningless poker and absurd talks, while the majority have made their way to the next hall over for the auction that is being held. He takes the stairs three at a time up the floors, facing a red oak double door, the same forsaken number engraved into it. After multiple failed attempts at inserting the key in the lock, he finally does with a huff, hearing the lock echoing in his ears before pushing the door open.

To be honest, Shinso didn’t know what he was expecting to see on the other side of the door, he thought maybe he’d watch weaponry trade off, perhaps people brawling and fighting amongst each other for the title of being the new members. But he certainly didn’t expect to be engulfed in jazz music, men with their cigars laughing and chatting, without a single care in the world, as if their hands weren’t tainted with the blood of the innocents, oh how he loathed them. In an attempt to fit in, he grabs a glass of whiskey from the butler standing by the door, nodding to him in thanks before moseying his way over to the corner in the room, he’d be damned if he got caught in the crossfire of those lunatics.

A stage is set up in the front of the room, and it takes a second for him to acknowledge the pole placed right at its center, it takes him another few seconds to see the beauty dancing on that pole, Shinso’s eyes rake her body without his knowledge, he admires the lingerie adorning her body, hugging her in all the right places, garter snug against her thighs as she twirls, her legs looking endless in those heels he wonders how she can dance so elegantly with them on… wait a minute. 

As if predicting the minute he realized it was you, you twirl to face him, lips pulled into a smile yet again, a giggle interrupting your humming as your body twists and turns on the pole. Shinso isn’t really sure how long he sits there captivated by your body, the only thing breaking his trance is the clap on his back and the heavy weight that sits next to him. “Beauty, isn’t she?”

Bile rises to Shinso’s throat at the mere sound of the person next to him, fear stills him in his place, restricting any movement he’s even thinking of doing, all he could do is sit, widened eyes and sweaty brows at the sight of The Wise right beside him. 

“Don’cha love it when women like her,” The Wise points at you with his cigar, “work to please men like us?” His arm now completely wrapped around Shinso’s shoulder as the hero feels his soul levitating from his body. ���Look aroun’ya,” and he does, and only then does he really pay attention, he should’ve seen it all along, the glossy eyes, the droopy heads, it's a sight he was so well accustomed to that his brain normalized it to him. With whatever courage he musters up, he shifts his eyes to look at the man beside him, noticing the ear plugs he wore, and right then the gears start to turn in his head. “My most prized possession I tell’ya.” 

Of course you would be, how else would you have access to all these things, the card, the key, the vanishing from thin air, it all makes sense now.

“Enjoying yourselves, gentlemen?” your words are flowing like honey to his ears, a low buzz ringing in his brain as you spoke to the men in front of you. His ability to frown is nonexistent, a relaxed look adorning his face as he looks up at you, so elegant and beautiful in whatever hugged that miracle of a body.

“Sure are,” The Wise jerks Shinso by the shoulder, and he realizes that was done to break whatever trance he was in, he could only glare back at you when you smile at them, that conniving smile that hosted all the lies you spouted to him.

“y/n,” He calls you and by God if this isn’t the most beautiful name Shinso ever hears, what a shame it's being tainted by the voice of this criminal. “Wadda ya say to takin’ this fine boy to the red room, hm?�� The man urges him to stand and take your hand, which he did at the blink of an eye, his body moving on it’s own to graze his lips against your knuckles in a breathless kiss. “Treat’m real nice for me.” The hero’s feet take him to follow you, his steps light, like walking on clouds, the sway of your hips pulling him closer to you until his chest is flush against your back, pushing you to move faster into the room you are pointed towards.

Walking aimlessly through hallways, taking lefts and rights he would never be able to recollect in his current state, you both enter a room, red just like The Wise called it, crimson silk sheets fitted on a king sized bed, maroon loveseats and plush carpets, everything in that red hue that it's almost nauseating. 

Bringing your hands in a loud clap, the fogginess in Shinso’s vision dissolves, your creased brows and frown now more prominent to him than ever, his eyes catch the scar trailing from the back of your neck to your cleavage, confused as to why his usual perceptive self would miss it, but then again, he doesn’t feel like he was ever himself throughout this whole ordeal.

To say he was furious is an understatement, he never felt more played in his life, he is Mindjack, the most conniving hero of all of Japan, he was manipulative and sly , known by his people to get jobs done, no matter who his opponent is, he always comes back victorious. And when his ears pick up your sigh of relief, he could only see red, he is hurt, he is scared, but now its his act, his turn to fuck shit up, he wants to hurt, he wants to scare.

“Fuckin’ lying bitch,” It takes him all but two steps for his body to graze yours, tantalizing eyes boring down into yours as you gasp at the close proximity, “you were workin’ with’em this entire fuckin’ time?”

“N-no that’s not it,” you stutter, flustered at his overwhelming presence, trying to put some distance between you and the fuming man by pushing his chest, “Please, I need you to listen to me.” 

“Oh, now you’re beggin’ hmm?” his firm warm hands circle your wrists, tugging them away from his body and using them to pull you even closer to him, his breath now grazing the tops of your cheeks, “Didn’t your boss tell you to treat me right?” he breathes, “well, get to it, slut.”

“That’s not what this is Hitoshi, just listen-” for the love of all that’s pure in this world, why does the sound of his name exceed his perception of how happiness is supposed to reverberate in his ear? “Keep my name outta your mouth, or I swear,” He hisses at you, the grip on your wrists tightening as you whimper out in pain. 

“You think you can just toy with me? Have me running around and following your orders like a lil bitch!?” He sees you trembling, lips wobbly and in tears, how ironic, he doesn’t know a few words would get you to start tearing up, the change in demeanor from when he first met you confuses him for a second, but only a second, because he’ll be damned if he falls for any of your tricks anymore. “N-no, I swear it isn’t like that, just p-please, please c-calm down! Let me explain myself-” the ugly cackle he lets out shuts you up, teary eyes widening as they fall on his, the aura he’s radiating is terrifying to say the least, your knees shaking in dread at what’s about to fold.

“You think you can play my game and win?”

It takes you a minute to answer, the word no echoing in your head, throbbing in your brain so painfully you forget the words that follow it, but what you can’t forget, what you will never forget, no matter how delirious you feel, is the look of pure sin across Shinso’s face, grin rivaling that of the Cheshire cat, because you were now simply a measly little pawn in his game. 

Mindjack works in dingy jobs with filthy manipulative men in black markets and the human trafficking industry, criminals that broke every law in their way to get what they desire, so why couldn’t he indulge even a little himself? 

He lets go of your wrists, watching as your arms sway next to your body like dead weight before he turns around to flop down on the loveseat, legs spread wide as he waves his hand over to you.

“Waddaya waitin’ for,” he knows you can’t answer him, but it feels so fucking good to hold such power over you after all you’ve put him through. “Now, strip.” the surge of power he feels jolts his dick up in excitement as he watches you take off your lingerie, moves robotic and forced, eyes glazed over both with tears and his control over your dumb little brain. Hitoshi is no villain, he is a respectable hero, but he’s been called that all his childhood, he might as well live up to that expectation, one way or another.

Shinso stands when you’re fully naked in front of him, long legs circling you and taking you all in, the back of his hand grazes your nipple and he all but groans as it pebbles at his touch. But god, he was nowhere near being done with you.

“Spread your legs for me on that bed,” he grins at the way you follow his orders even before he asks, “will ya?” you settle yourself on the bed before slowly dropping your weight on your back, hazy eyes staring up into the ceiling as your arms bring themselves down to circle the back of your knees, pulling them up close to your chest to expose yourself to him. 

Shinso’s cock twitches in his pants again at the opportunity to just seath it into you without any warning, but he barely holds himself back, approaching your body and feeling himself salivating at the sight, what a sight it is, your pussy looking so fucking beautiful clenching over nothing, the sight tempting him to just dive his face right in to get a taste of your juices.

Taking off his suit jacket and rolling the sleeves of his shirt, Shinso presses his thumb to your clit, frowning when he notices how dry you are, of course you would be, he chuckles to no one, puckering his lip to spit right at the nub, watching it trail down to your clenching hole, the sight igniting a flame within him, he does it again, simply to watch your spit hide in your cunt, impatient to follow suit and bury himself in there. 

His thumb is quick to draw circles with your clit, needing for your orgasm to wash over you quickly, eager for the things he’d do to you after he preps you enough to take him. The usual comforting silence is thick between you, no moans escaping your ajar mouth as your arousal seeps out of your pussy, he prods your hole with his finger to collect your nectar, smearing it across your clit again to rub even faster against it.

The only indication of you coming undone is when your thighs start to shake, your body curling in on itself as your back arches, your cunt gushing on his fingers, and Shinso is almost disappointed to not hear you moan out his name in pleasure. But he isn’t that disheartened, he’s bound to hear you scream.

You on the other hand, are petrified at the way your body is being handled, feeling yourself looking down at the horror being folded in front of you, this isn’t you, this is a shell of who you are, wrapped around his finger, at his mercy, and you want out, no matter the cost. But, you are to regret these words, because you see him unbuckling his belt, you hear the zipper drilling in your ear, and you watch him lay atop you, feeling your lungs constrict at the weight settling upon it, and to your utmost terror, the only thing that breaks his bind on you is when you feel his warm head prodding at your entrance, right before seething completely in, your throat prickling when you wail hoarsely in pain at feeling like being split into two.

“No, nonononon, st-stop please, please!” You’re crying, legs thrashing and arms flailing trying to push this monster off of you, but you can’t, you think as your walls pulsate in pain at the intrusion, you’ll never be able to with him placing his entire weight on you like that, and the way he pulls out before impaling you again has you seeing stars in the worst way possible. Desperate for an escape, you grab a chuck of his hair, your nails digging into his scalp before you yank, your jaw throbbing at how tight you clench your teeth in pain and disgust and pure panic. The strength you muster to pull his head up is in vain, because it only jerks his face deeper into your neck, right where your scar trails, and he bites, so hard you’re certain it draws blood. 

Only then does he lift his head up, his upper lip smeared with a smidge of blood, your blood, before he spits right into your mouth. Sick to your stomach at the metallic taste invading your taste buds, you spit right up at him, mindless to the debris falling right back at your face, your mascara running down your cheeks as you sneer up at him. Even as he laughs teasingly at you.

“Don’t worry slut,” He rasps, his nose brushing against yours as his thrusts find a pace, pulling out to the tip before pushing himself fully inside, “It’ll feel good in a minute.” and it does, he feels more of your arousal coating his cock as he snaps his hips against yours, your wails and whimpers slowly yet surely are coated more with lust as you moan out his name. “See tha’, almost too easy…” almost too good to be true.

And it is, because when his eyes struggle to find yours, he is reminded by the feeling that overtook him this entire evening, and when he sees the corner of your lips pull lightly does he want to rip your head right out, but the minute he moves his hand, he is overwhelmed by how wobbly he feels, how your face distorts and misshapes before he is met with the sight of the ceiling, the sight you grew accustomed to when he was taking advantage of your unconsciousness. 

He groans when he feels you impaling yourself on his cock, pussy clenching so tight as you bop yourself up and down his shaft, your tits bouncing with you as he looks up at you, so mesmerized and entranced by your beauty all he does is hold your hips, helping you lift yourself up before dropping you on him, the squelching sound that follows it music to his ears.

You plant your hands against his chest, hips rolling as you pant at his lips, both of you so drunk on the feeling of each other and chasing your highs, “You gonna listen to me, when I ask you to?” His hand claps against your ass at your question, “Yes, yes oh God, anythin’ just don’t stop.” He can’t help but want more of you, want to feel his cock push against you even further, so he plants his feet firm against the bed, hand grabbing handfuls of your ass as he starts thrusting up at you, moaning against your neck when he shoots ropes of his cum inside of your sopping cunt, squeezing him so tight and milking him, and all of what Shinso remembers is the way you arch your back, pressing your chest against his as your whimper out his name, as he feels your juices dripping against his balls and down on the sheets beneath you. After that, all he could see was black.

Shinso awakes startled, eyes darting in alarm before he relaxes when he confirms he’s alone, the red silky sheets now draped over his lower body, pooling at his lap when he sits up to look around once more, desperate for any sign of you. Yet he only sees a brown folder on top of the love seat, impressively thick with the amount of papers stacked inside it, and when Shinso reaches for it, he catches the note that slipped off and draped down on the floor, reading it and scowling at it. ‘You promised you’d listen’

And boy is he more than lucky to listen to you when you asked him to. Because that folder has every tiny little detail he needs to know about The Wise, from the quirks of his circulating bodyguards to the keys to his multiple homes within the world. Pictures upon pictures of the man, decoded letters and basically intel on his entire criminal record.

Fucking finally, Shinso gets to just go home no that everything’s over and done with.

Limited Edition Sneak Peek:

It is way too early for Shinso, the sun glaring at him as he makes his way into the agency, the honking cars and chattering people feeding into his migraine so early in the morning, and he groans as he pushes his door open, ready to get back to his regular routine after the incident at Vice City.

It hasn’t been even a week, but it sure was eventful, using the folder you left him, Mindjack was able to capture The Wise the very next day, via the map of the routes he takes that was attached in the folder. They were able to ambush him, easily being able to bring the right heroes for the job to overcome the quirks of both his workers and himself. Now the mastermind of Organization XIII was behind bars, making the job of catching the remaining members now much easier.

It almost felt like child’s play, at least, that’s what the heroes made it out to be, flexing their powers and their potential, when they were well aware that all their efforts would’ve been in vain if you and your folder weren't there to aid them in every step.

To say that guilt ate him up is an understatement, he feels himself decaying from the inside out from resentment, he figures he spent too much time in the dark, that it started to mess with him, manipulate him, carve him into someone he isn’t, someone that isn’t fit to be a hero. He feels like was walking into a tunnel with no way out, engulfed and trapped in pure merciless darkness, that ate away at his soul every step he took further in.

Shinso trudges up the stairs with a heavy heart, the dread at what he did to you, especially that your intent to help him didn’t waver despite his actions loomed over him, and he couldn’t remember the last time he felt like he didn’t deserve the life that he’s living in right now. 

Yet, the saying ‘there's a light at the end of the tunnel’ rings in his ear, the minute he opens up the door to his office, eyes widening at the sight before him, smile so dazzlingly sweet, a voice just like silk, weaving around him and entrancing him as the words captivated him despite their simplicity.

“Missed me, Hitoshi?”

(1) its common in poker for women to be onlookers, like the wives of the players for example, the jab at him being an onlooker is basically just a sexist joke to make the people around the table laugh to ease their mind.

(2) to help gain more perspective about the poker scene you can read the elaboration here

Aaaand more about the reader’s quirk here!

Hope you enjoyed! Also, PLEASE if you could theorize with me after reading the fic I’d love you forever, ask me about the reader’s quirk, ask me about some hidden meanings between the scenes JUST ANYTHING. MWAH

Borrowers (taglist):

@hanji-is-life @anarchicmartyr @sleepykyan @yourprincess-maybe @wolfygirl1900 @tteokdoroki​

@theehoneybunii @nanamisbento​ (not sure if you wanted to be tagged for bakuhoe only of all my fics, so sorry if its the former!)

if you want to be tagged with for any of my fics let me know ♡

[tressasinterlude]

𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐓 #𝟑: Female Public Figures Dating Men with Questionable Views That Contradict Their Image & Alleged Politics

𝗗𝗜𝗦𝗖𝗟𝗔𝗜𝗠𝗘𝗥: These rant blog posts are really just reflective of my thoughts at the time that I make them and are posted here because I need an outlet to release all of this shit I have going on my busy ass mind. That’s it and that’s all. Now let’s get into it..

This rant was greatly inspired by none other than Ms. Robyn Rihanna “Tell Your Faves To Pull Up [in regards to social injustices directly affecting black people]” Fenty and her openly colorist boyfriend, A$AP Rocky. Aside from the fact that Rihanna tends to slip under the radar and is never held accountable for her problematic ways due to her conventional beauty (i.e. Her heavy usage of anti-Asian slurs, particularly targeted towards Chris Brown’s ex gf, Karrueche), it’s very alarming that a woman who has an entire makeup brand with a campaign based around the inclusivity of ALL black women is publicly flaunting a beau who once said that DSBW do not look good with red lipstick.

And yes, I’m very much aware that Rakim said this tasteless comment over 8 years ago but from the looks of it, not much has really changed with him. Don’t @ me about it neither because I don’t care.

Also peep how he compares a hypothetical darkskinned woman to a man (Wesley Snipes) while trying to explain how his antiblackness isn’t wrong because he said something about white women as well. Gaslighting at its finest. Don’t you just love it! 😀

Furthermore, you would think that somebody of Rihanna’s level of stature would know not to associate themselves with someone as messy as A$AP Rocky but... Stupid is what stupid does, I guess! I can’t even begin to place the blame on him anymore because he’s revealed his true colors and we all have made the deliberate choice to either accept it or don’t and have discontinued all support for him. Unfortunately, misogynoir is never the dealbreaker for most people and the hatred for [dark-skinned] black women is so engrained in society that it’s frowned upon when we publicly speak out against it. Very ass backwards if you ask me but that’s society for you. Now, enough about that. Let’s focus back on Ms. Vita La Coco.

As a woman who claims to be a girl’s girl and is always presenting herself to be someone who is the epitome of a pro-black feminist bad ass, it just makes her alleged activism come off so disingenuous when she’s also laying down with the same man that actively attacks the demographic she’s supposed to be standing in solidarity with. It’s “Black Lives Matter” on the IG posts but your vagina is getting moist for a man who openly stated he doesn’t relate to what goes on in Ferguson because he lives in Soho & Beverly Hills. Ferguson being the exact place where a 17-year-old black boy’s lifeless corpse laid on the hot concrete for FOUR hours after he was murdered by a police officer. He couldn’t 'relate' to the fate of so many black men, women, and children who are murdered or seriously injured from state-sanctioned violence because they’re poor and he is not or so he thought.

But then again, what can I really expect from a woman who identified as being “biracial” until as recent as roughly 6 years ago? What can I really expect from a woman who called Rachel Dolezal a ‘hero’ for cosplaying as a black woman? I’d be lying if I said my expectations for her were high in this regard because sis has always shown us she was lacking in this department. And just for the record, this is not a personal attack on Rihanna at all for the die-hard Navy stans in the back. I admire her latest fashions and bop my head to her music just like the next person but she’s getting the side-eye from me on this one.

Trust and believe me though, she’s not the only woman who I can call out for being a hypocrite. Of course not! This stone can be cast at a few others. So without further ado, why don’t we bring Ms. Kehlani Parrish to the front of the congregation? Prior to Kehlani’s recent declaration of identifying as a lesbian, her last public relationship with a man was with YG. Yes, the same YG who felt it was necessary to say him & Nipsey had ‘pretty light-skinned’ daughters to raise in the middle of his deceased friend’s memorial. By the way, Nipsey’s daughter is not even light (or at least not in my book anyways.) She’s a very deep caramel tone just like her father which makes what he said even more moronic. Yes, the same YG who thought it was clever idea to use slavery as an aesthetic for a music video to a diss track about 6ix9ine. And yes, also the same YG who has derogatory lyrics targeted at bisexual women. Just to end up sweating the red carpets with one. I swear the jokes just continue to write themselves.

This raises the question once more; How high of a pedestal can I really put a multiracial woman who has a song titled ‘N*ggas’ and when received backlash for the song in question, she used the ultimate ‘I’m mixed’ copout while not having a visibly black parent in sight?

It’s also kind of suspicious to me that many were not privy to Kehlani’s secret romance with Victoria Monét (pictured bottom right) until Victoria did an interview with Gay Times revealing she fell in love with a girl but they subsequently broke up because Victoria had a boyfriend and that girl was pregnant in a polyamorous relationship. Fans began to speculate because both Victoria & Kehlani previously candidly spoke about their sexual orientations, Kehlani had just had Adeya and they both were seemingly close. Their short-lived fling would later be confirmed when Victoria released the song ‘Touch Me’ on her last project and Kehlani hopped on the remix. Meanwhile, Kehlani’s relationship with Shaina (pictured bottom left) was very overt and all over her Instagram feed from my recollection. And as you can see, Shaina looks absolutely nothing like Victoria. They look like the complete opposite of eachother in every aspect which is kind of alarming(?) to say the least because why is it that the women she proudly claims as her partners tend to have a very racially ambiguous look such as herself but her ‘sneaky links’ on the other hand are undoubtedly black women? Again, it could just be me jumping conclusions. You know, I’m kinda good for that however something tells me I’m not. Y’all be the judge of the material though.

Last but not least, I’d like to touch on Ms. Raven Tracy very briefly. I was very weary about even including in this segment and if I should just put her in a entirely separate blog post with other women who openly date abusers despite their checkered past (alongside Nicki Minaj & her r*pist murderer of a husband, India Love & Sheck Wes etc.) being this particular blog post was based around the theme of lightskinned/mixed women dating men with extremely problematic views about DSBW. Raven obviously isn’t lightskinned or mixed however I refused to ignore how contradictory her [former] relationship with an alleged (I used this word very loosely and mainly for legality purposes.) serial r*pist while promoting a brand that is all about feminism & body positivity. This also traces back to A$AP Rocky by default being that Ian Connor is his very close friend and he came to Connor’s defense when several women came forward detailing accounts of Connor allegedly s*xually assaulting them. (I wish I could place the actual video of what A$AP Rocky said verbatim but Tumblr only allows one video per blog post. 🙄)

Back in June of this year, Ian & Raven had a back & forth on Twitter after Ian tweeted about Raven “fucking everybody” behind his back. I can only assume that he was alluding to Tori Brixx posting a video of her ex, Rich the Kid & Raven kissing on her story. Disgusted is not even the word to describe my feeling when she admitted she stuck by Ian despite of his many allegations of s*xual abuse because she loved him and her being a empath causes her to want to help everybody. Imagine aiding and abetting a predator and even paying for his bail & legal fees just to turn around and expect sympathy because this same individual cheated on you and exploited you all over Twitter for the public to see. The same man that you would get back with not even a WEEK after the fact & turn off your IG comments because it isn’t our “business” after making it our business...

That being said, I just genuinely want to know: Why do these women completely go against what they stand for in regards to these men? Maybe it was never genuine from jump street and if that’s the case, why jump on the bandwagon of performative activism? Is it because it’s profitable right now? Is it because disrespecting black women is not an immediate death sentence to your careers and more often than not actually helps you advance even further? I guess that’s the billion dollar question that’ll never truly be answered. I just want the world to stop using black women as their stepping stool to get to where they need to go and then discarding of us when we’re no longer beneficial. Support us all the way or don’t support us at all. We deal with enough disrespect as is so we’d appreciate if y’all would stop straddling the fence and partake in your misogynoir out loud if that’s what you choose to do. We have no use for fake allyship and quite frankly, it’s doing more harm for us than good. Please and thank you!

Sincerely,

- 𝙼𝙸𝚂𝚂 𝙴𝙳𝙶𝙰𝚁 𝙰𝙻𝙻𝙴𝙽 𝙷𝙾𝙴. 💋

[dontexpecttomakesense]

Beastars: a story about Carnivores and Herbivores- Sorry, I meant, Beastars: a story about Carnivores and Carnivores

Beastars is a very interesting manga. It uses Predator-Prey archetypes to discusss different social issues and political problems. And on a limited scale it does so wonderfully. We can put Beast Complex in the same boat as well.

However the problem arises when we move away from the small, more self contained stories and we begin to look at the overarching narrative of how Carnivores and Herbivores interact, but more specifically, how this narrative evolves and by whose hand it evolves.

This is where I introduce Legoshi. He’s a wolf, a carinivore; but more importantly, he’s the only protagonist of the story.

Now that is a term that is best if we explain: a protagonist is the one character the story is about. They don’t need to be a hero, they don’t need to embarck on an epic journey, they don’t need to be an exceptional individual. They just need to be the guy who the story is about.

But what about, Louis and Haru, aren’t they protagonists?

No.

They are characters with a signingicatn screen time, important enought to warrant their own character arcs within the overarching narrative. They are what we call Main Characters. But they are not protagonists. The story, the story of Beastars, is not about them. It’s about Legoshi, he starts it, and it ends with him.

The fact that Legoshi is the sole protagonist of Beastars is the most basic example of the thesis I’m trying to push. Because it slants the balance, it’s very dificult to tell an even handed story if your only protagonist belongs to one side of the story, a side that is diametrically oposed to the other, no less. So Legoshi’s tale cannot be a tale of Herbivores and Carnivores, because he is a carnivore, so the focus on him gives more focus to the carnivore side by extension.

On to more examples, let’s take a look at what hardships the animals of each collective suffer at the hands of society.

Carnivores have to live with the urge to eat meat, and the market itself that allows them a way to satisfy this urge, at the risk of falling addicted to it; with the fact that they will immediately be suspect of any crime that happens; their agression is immediately assumed to be a danger for those around them, specially herbivores; certain aspect of their anatomy are frowned upon (it’s considered impolite for a canine or a feline to show their fangs in public or in a eating space); the predator registry is essentially a social death sentence; and then we have more specific problems, like the pills bears have to take if they grow past certain size.

We learn most of these through Legoshi and his interactions with other characters, most of their problems are discrimination based, and agains soemthing most have no control whatsoever. So they are very easy to simpatize, even with characters like Riz, a murderer, you can end up feeling sorry for him due all the events that piled up and caused to commmit a horrible act that traumatised him.

Herbivores have to contend with the fact that they are more likely to be murdered or traffiqued for their meat, and that in general they are seen as inherently frail and defenceless, leading to an infantilitzation of them.

We learn quite a lot about the infantilitzation of herbivores, it is one of Haru’s main problems, and the fact that Legoshi doesn’t overtly infantilize her without the need of sex draws her to him. It’s the reason Sebu was so miserable with her life. Louis entire arrogant and confrontational façade is a way to prevent being infantilized as a herbivore.

Murder and trafficking, however, as problems, have a problem. They are “far way” problems. They are bad things, we know they are bad things. But the average reader is very unlikely to encounter them in their daily life (there are exceptions, of course), so they are harder to relate, they don’t carry the same weight.

So while the Carnivores have issues like addiction, overt discrimination by individuals and institutions, and profiling; the only thing that can make us relate to the herbivores is their infantilitzation. Once again the scales are tipped, and naratively the hervibores have gotten the short end of the stick.

The cast composiotion is another problem. Let’s count the number of carnivores who have been named and carry certain narrative weight: Legoshi, Bill, Riz, Ibuki, Free, (+The Shishigumi), Gosha, Jack, Juno, Gouhin and Melon (I know one does not eat meat and the other is a hybrid, but narratively they are treated like carnivores). That’s 10 (if we don’t count the rest of the shishigumi, otherwise it’s more).

Now let’s do the same for the herbivores:

Louis, Haru, Pina, Sebun and Yafya (one could argue Kyuu too). Thats 5 (or 6).

There are almost 2 carnivore characters per every herbivore character, meaning their presence in the story is much, much minor.

Answer me this: What is the most meaningful thing a Herbivore has done for the overall narrative of Beastars?

Louis telling everyone to go to the market at the climax of the turf war, perhaps? Yafya erasing Legoshi’s record so he can date Haru?

They basically do nothing but reacting to what the carnivores do. Carnivores are the ones that advance the plot: Riz murders Tem, the Shishigumi kidnaps Haru, Legoshi drops from school once he gets in the predation registry, Melon breaks havock on the market because he’s been chosen the new Shishigumi boss...

That why I say that Beastars is a Story about Carnivores. Herbivores, or their problems, have no weight, they barely move the story forward. Herbivores exist inside a story about Carnivores, but it’s not as story about them, specifically. They are just another facet.

I don’t think this is deliverate. I honestly believe that Paru Itagaki wrote Beastars with the full intention of being a story about both Carnivores and Herbivores, this was her autorial intent so I think that to an extent it should be respected. After all, as I said, when the story is limited in scope, she does it very well (look at The Bovine and The Cocodrile chapter of Beast Complex). However I think that as the story progressed and grew, she unconciously ended up tipping the scales too much.

I can only speculate why, most of it you’ll find it in another post I made, about the Anthropocentric Perception of Predation. Also, I don’t know how to end this. [Smoke bomb]

[whaleofatjme1920]

Seeing Him Smile and Kiss Someone Else (Hoodie X F!Reader)

[Hoodie/Brian Thomas X F!Reader]

[Warnings: none]

[AN: Howdy! I cross post these on quotev under ‘Elsie I Guess’ and on AO3 under ‘Whaletales1920′ under the title ‘The Places You Shouldn’t Be’. Just thought I’d start uploading them here too.]

Part 2

Proxies aren’t supposed to do a lot of things: speak back to their master, challenge hierarchical roles, have relationships with each other of that caliber, and never, never ever absolutely never have romantic relationships with humans. 

Why? It’s a losing game. Everyone knows that. Should proxies seek any kind of attachment, platonic, romantic, even sexual, their best bet is to stay within their own kind: other proxies. It’s the polite thing to do. It’s the right thing to do. 

When you first came in, you bonded almost immediately to your group of four other individuals. There’s Masky, your group leader. He’s really sweet when he wants to be and seems to care the most about you - it’s probably because you’re new. Toby is akin to the middle child. He’s always buzzing around you a lot like a bumblebee. While he has his jerk moments, he’s got an eye out for you. So too does Kate, once the group’s newbie/runt. She’s the one you replaced. She’s relatively quiet and sticks to herself, but she’s never a stranger to helping you out and immersing you in the culture and world you’ve found yourself entangled in. 

And then there’s Masky’s right hand, a proxy named Hoodie, but you know him as Brian. Out of all your group members, Brian was the hardest to warm up to. He hardly acknowledged you when you were first placed in his group and was amongst the hardest in the hazing process (you’re still technically going through). But, after some time and getting to know each other, the two of you became the closest of friends, even going so far as to rival Masky’s friendship with him. It’s safe to say you got a bit of a crush on him, in simplest terms. 

Three times. Three times you felt you liked him.

The first time was when you were about to head out of your safe house on a grocery run. Proxies don’t have any leads, so cards are absolutely off the table. You walked out of the safe house, yawning slightly, and barely made it down the driveway when Brian had popped back out of the house. 

“Reader,” he called out, slowly moving to lean in the doorway of the empty house the five of you were squatting in. 

“Yeah?” You asked sleepily. 

“Forgetting something?” He holds up his hand - it’s the wallet. 

You feel heat rush to your cheeks as you speed walked back to the front door to retrieve it. “Guess I’m still kinda tired,” you admittedly awkwardly with a small chuckle. 

Brian shrugged slightly and threw you a smirk as he met you halfway, “Think I’ll accompany you this morning,” he said with a wink. 

The two of you began to walk as you mentally mulled over the man walking beside you - his hands in his pockets. You’d never really thought of him like that before, but the way he smiled and that wink… It planted a seed. You weren’t quite sure you were going to acknowledge it or if it was just a fluke, but the thought stayed, and then it remained. 

As the two of you traversed the grocery store for various things your comrades had asked for, you and Brian traded conversation about everything that popped into mind. 

“Oh, like you knew any better in high school,” you wheezed before tossing in a box of brownies. You’d just been discussing how terrible and how gods awful high school relationships can be and how at one low point, you got into one. Brian had said he knew better than to mess around in high school, but you had retorted that ‘we’re all young and dumb once.’ 

Brian raised a brow at the box but allowed it anyway. “I most certainly did and I knew how things were gonna play out before they even happened.” 

“On what basis? It’s not like you have future vision,” You snorted. You watched as he pushed the cart forward as you plucked items you needed from the shelves. 

He shot you a look. “I’m a guy, it’s practically flowing through our veins,,” he said as his eyes raked over the list. “I’d most likely be the reason those things are happening to begin with and knowing that is like it’s own future vision..” He flashed his smile at you. “Come to think of it, I don’t think I ever grew out of the dumb part,” he chuckled. 

Your heart skipped. 

The second time you thought you liked him was when you were in the car with him, heading back to your safe house (in an entirely different part of the country). The two of you were more than exhausted after clearing a house whose occupants the Operator wanted dead for one reason or another and Brian decided to steal a car. So, there you sat in the passenger seat. 

“Something on your mind?” He hummed, arm resting on the console. His hazel colored eyes flicked over to you with interest. 

You shrugged, “just thinking.”

“Dangerous for people like us,” Brian chuckled. “Care to get specific?” 

You sighed slightly and turned your eyes to the passing street lights overhead as the car pulled onto the late night expressway. “Thinking about all the things I’ll miss,” you admit. 

Brian nodded from the corner of your eye. “I think about that stuff too,” he said, a small frown pulling onto his face. “You were finishing up college?” 

“Yeah,” you said. “I mean, I guess I’m getting out of the college loan debt but… Y’know,” you trailed off slightly, your posture changing slightly. “Maybe I would’ve been normal. Get a cool job, live a non murderous life, have a family and a loving partner. I don’t know, like, whatever the American dream says we should have. Anything but this.” 

Brian laughed slightly, “sorry. It’s not - it’s not you,” he explained. “It’s just awfully similar to what I wanted.” 

You turned your attention from the passing lights over to Brian. “White picket fence is your thing?” 

“More or less,” he hummed. “Wanted to live the rest of my life like a normal person.

Certainly died like one, more or less,” he finished. 

You mentally hummed, already knowing what he was referring to. Died and got resurrected. “Don’t think falling from a floor up counts as normal.” 

“Hey, it worked out for…. Something nice,” he quickly chirped. “Fell and met an angel.” 

He briefly turned his head to look at you and flashed a grin. 

“Oh that’s so bad.” 

“You love it.” 

You really do.  

The third time was when the two of you were on the rooftop of some house you’d been spending a lot of time at. It was kind of nice to be able to settle down in one place for more than a month - it’d been going on close to a  year. It was your roof, the one you shared with Brian. Late in the night, when the crickets sang and the stars danced, the two of you snuck up against Masky’s best wishes to talk about the world and life before. 

When summer was giving way to autumn and sending cool breezes throughout the night, you and Brian had been up there once again. 

“You think EJ will be around?” You asked, looking up at the stars you barely knew the names to. “BEN did say he was in the area.” 

“Gonna say yes,” Brian hummed back, momentarily pausing to point out Altair. “He’s always had a soft spot for our group,” he noted. “Why? You looking forward to seeing him?” He chuckled, hand reaching out to ruffle your hair. 

You laugh as quietly as you can and shake your head, “we’ve hardly ever spoken!” You giggled. “I just think he’s cool.”

Brian snorted in response and nodded, “yeah, I think so too. Though, where’d you get the opportunity to talk with BEN?” 

“There’s a little computer cafe in town,” you said, eyes flicking towards the direction of said cafe. “I’ve been spending a lot of time there. Mostly to use the internet,” you admitted, a slight heat coming to your cheeks. Proxies really aren’t supposed to use the internet. “Toby also sometimes tags along.” 

“So that’s where he’s been getting those weird references from,” Brian said with a tone of understanding. “Next time you go, let me know. I’d love to see what you children are up to online,” he teased. 

You laughed again and nodded, “sure thing.” 

The two of you continued to talk before a particularly hard gust of wind came in. On instinct, you shivered - though you weren’t really cold. 

Upon seeing you shiver, Brian took no hesitation in taking off his hoodie, much to your chagrin. 

“Oh, you don’t have to-” you began as you attempted to push it towards him. 

“I insist,” he had said, already popping the thing over you. 

You relented and allowed the giant hoodie to envelop your form like a warm hug. It smelled just like him - something woodsy, smoke, and the faintest of graphite. When you looked back at Brian, he was staring up at the stars, a small smile on his face. His eyes did not leave the inky blueish-black, not even when your hand came within millimeters of holding his. 

All it took was three times. Three times to know you liked him, and once to know you’d lost him. 

As stated before, it is absolutely a losing game to get involved with humans. Humans are frail and prone to panic. They can’t understand the world the way you do, nor are they suited for life the way you are in their current form. In your society, humans are the lowest of the low, akin to cattle - albeit, sentient cattle. Only when they are lifted from their human status are they finally given the time of day. 

He never would have known about her if you never brought up that computer cafe. Truly, it was a mistake on your part. You didn’t mean to, but it had happened anyway. 

“Cute place, right?” You smiled, eyes traveling up and down the rows of tables. 

“The cutest,” Brian agreed with a small chuckle. “Do we go up to a counter and order or..?” He trailed off slightly as he inspected the place and took in all the minor details. 

“Just take a seat, a waiter will be around shortly,” you said, immediately pulling him to your preferred spot by the windows and tucked away into the corner. 

Brian followed your lead and took a seat next to you where he immediately powered on the computer. “It’s kinda weird that they let us have food this close to the electronics, no?” 

“Oh no, it’s super weird,” you nodded as you began flicking open tabs to get to the things you wanted - maybe say hi to BEN. “But, it works. So like, c’est la vie?” You giggled, fingers moving quickly across the keyboard. 

A few moments later, a waitress stopped by. You had already managed to pull up a chat with BEN and were so engrossed in catching up with him that you failed to notice her. You hadn’t even recognized she was there until you heard her giggling at something Brian had said. 

“Never thought I’d be that star struck,” Brian had finished the small anecdote with eyes that practically sparkled. 

Her smile only widened. “You? The star struck kind?” She teased lightly. “Have to see it to believe it.” 

Brian looked up at her, his lips now pulled up into a smile. “You’re looking at it right now.” 

It pulled you so hard out of your conversation with BEN that you’d accidentally sent him a half-baked thought. “Wait what?” 

Your sound of confusion had snapped the two back into reality. “Oh! I’m sorry, sugar,” the waitress apologized with a slight blush rising to her cheeks. “Was there something I could get you?” 

You blinked a few times, your eyes darting between the two before finally managing to stammer out your drink and pastry of choice. You watched as Brian’s eyes followed her out and when she came back in. 

Long after the two of you had finished, the two of you decided to head back. 

“That was fun,” you said. 

“It was,” Brian replied, thoughts drifting elsewhere. 

Ever since that moment, he’d been going to the café with and without you. Sometimes you’d find yourself heading there only to see him entranced in conversation with the waitress, and when that happened, you turned right back around. At first it was to give them space, and then it was to give yourself space. 

You wished you could allow yourself to weather through this one with grace and that it didn’t bother you, that it didn’t get on your nerves, but it did. Slowly but surely, it had chipped away at some odd part of you that you didn’t even know existed prior to. 

Masky was the first to bring it up. 

“Reader,” he began. “Can you wrangle Hood from that café? Operator wants us to do something - I just need him,” he said, barely looking up from his newspaper. 

“I can go if you want,” you suggested before poking your head back out from the refrigerator. 

“Hm?” That got Masky’s attention. “Are you sure?” He raised his eyebrow, giving you an inquisitorial look. 

“It’s no big deal,” you said with a small smile as you plucked your drink out from the fridge. “Besides, I think Hoodie’s busy.” You had to fight the unpleasant feeling that bubbled up in your chest after you said that. 

“Oh,” Masky gave a hum of recognition. “Toby did mention he was getting a little close to someone there,” he said in passing. 

You shot Masky a look. 

He shot one back. 

Internally, you both know that’s not the best thing - but Masky’s not going to stop his best friend. And you know you won’t either. 

Kate mentioned it next, though she seemed to be telling you that you’d get  over it. It came relatively out of the blue. See, the two of you were standing in the living room of a house painted in blood just chatting, waiting for the Operator to give you direction on what he wanted for the man he wanted alive when Kate got weirdly serious. She sat down on the sofa and invited you to sit down next to her. 

“You can’t keep avoiding him like that,” she hummed, her shoe digging into the man’s chest as he wriggled beneath her step. “I know it’s awkward, but he’s your comrade first.” 

You rolled your eyes and lightly pushed at her. “Come on, it’s not that serious,” you said, attempting to play off your feelings that were so gods damn obvious throughout the time you’ve been spending in this area. 

“Are you kidding me?” Kate chuckled. “Look,” her hand is on your shoulder as she digs her heel into the man’s chest, cracking his ribs slightly. “It’s uncomfortable. I get that. It’s why we don’t… Do that kind of thing.” She rubbed her thumb in little circles on your shoulder as she grounded you. “It’s probably for the best, even though you can’t see it right now.” 

You sighed and gave her a look of slight pain. “You’re probably right.” 

“I know I’m right.”

It’s not that Toby is bad at reading a room, but it’s that he’s really bad at reading a room. When the two of you went to the computer café for your outing, he was excited to see the girl Brian was ‘seeing,’ as he somehow managed to miss her from every other precious visit. It was so obvious that they had been - her perfume was practically embedded into his skin now - and his smile was brighter than the sun after seeing her. 

And here you were, not even wanting to know her name. 

It’s Fiona. 

“Toby!” She greeted as she bounded up to your table. “Reader! What a nice surprise!” There was no malice in her tone. She was genuinely happy to see you. “What can I get you two today?” 

“C-Chocolate croissant and some h-h-hot chocolate please,” Toby said. He then turned to you, and as if he read your mind, gave her your order as well. “H-How have t-things been?” He asked. 

“Really good,” Fiona replied. “He’s such a sweetie, got me this necklace.” 

Your eyes immediately left the screen and travelled to her neck. There it was. Beautiful necklace. Silver chain with a hunk of rose quartz at the bottom in the shape of a bullet.You remembered seeing that pendant. It hung on his mirror for such a long time. You once overheard him saying to Kate how it was your possible birthday gift. 

“It’s so pretty,” you smiled, eyes not quite following. 

You were damn certain if you were suffering from hanahaki you would’ve choked on flowers by now and died. The last nail in the coffin? 

Now. Right now. You came back to the safe house just wanting to relax, maybe star gaze for a bit and fall asleep outside - anything and everything sounded better than just being alone in your thoughts after the Operator had some harsh words to say to you on account of your performance slipping ever so slightly from his golden standards. You fix yourself a warm mug of tea and start making yourway to the rooftop. It’s the same path you’ve always taken: head up the stairs to the upper floor, last room on the left side of the hall, go in and open the study windows there and hang out on the roof. 

You make sure to take careful steps as you ascend, not wanting to spill any of your carefully made tea as you seek to unwind. With a deep breath, you start making it through the hallway, thankful no one else is here. Masky is away on business, Kate is doing something with Jeff and Toby left a few hours ago to meet with someone he deems important. Come to think of it, you haven’t had the house free in a while. 

But, as you step closer and closer to the last room on the left, you hear it. Giggling, whispers, conversation that’s so innocent and intimate at the same time. You notice the study door is closed. It’s never closer. You step closer. 

“You’re so sweet,” That’s Fiona’s voice. “You don’t have to get me all these things - I don’t even know where I’m gonna wear all of them.” She giggles. 

“Wear a different one every time I come to see you.” That’s Brian. “Gonna be burning through those things like crazy.” You hear the sound of a kiss. 

“You got a deal,” Fiona chuckled. Another kiss. 

You hear the roof shingles move slightly as they move closer together. Against your better judgment, you push open the study door slightly. Must you be so nosy?

There, sitting on the roof outside the window is Fiona and Brian. She’s wearing his sweater (it’s just polyester) and giggling as he peppers her face in kisses. When she’s decided he’s covered her in enough kisses for an entire year, she presses her lips to his. 

He smiles before kissing her back just as fervently. 

Without a sound, you begin to head back to your room. 

Perhaps tea in your room would be better. 

[i-need-air]

I just read your nsfw Hybrid with Bakugou and it's SOOO PERFECT. So, I was thinking, imagine this: Relationships between hybrids and humans are still frowned upon and one of your co-workers begins to disturb you about dating Katsuki. You are annoyed, but you don't tell Bakugou until one day your co-worker tries to harass you (kiss you, pull your clothes off) saying "you shouldn't be with that damn DOG". You run away and come home crying and sobbing over and over. Giiirl, Bakugou will go FERAL. ❤

I'm so glad you liked it 💗💗💗💗💗 Yes, god, Bakugou would indeed be F E R A L indeed; ok, i started writing it and I somehow progressed this story further. MORE LORE TO HYBRID!BAKU. I also went with the flow, got very carried away and gave it a different ending to what you suggested, so I really hope you don't mind. 😅 It just happened, maybe made it darker than it should've been, oop—, BUT everything works out.

Warnings: mentions of attempted sexual assault;

Word count: 1.8k or so, I just keep adding stuff 💀;

[ Masterlist ] [ Part 1 and Part 2 of General Hybrid!Bakugou HCs. ]

× you weren't really hiding it because it was legal, yet some [ many ] were judgemental about it

× you also weren't publicly proclaiming it but whatever, that didn't stop you from putting a picture of Katsuki playfully biting your cheek as wallpaper on your phone

× one of your co-workers, Albert, was somewhat pushy

× while you got along with everyone and had an okay relationship with them, he wasn't part of your friends group

× yet you always found him near you everywhere, to which you paid no mind

× it was once he looked over your shoulder when you unlocked your phone to see that picture, and Katsuki's sandy ears could be seen

× again, you didn't hide it so when he asked who was that you just said your boyfriend

× "Uhm, your boyfriend is a... hybrid?" he asked making a face; that's when you knew Albert had to stay away for real

× you just smiled and minded your own business

× but throughout the days he kept dropping comments about, his attitude even pushier than before and you realized talking to him about it wouldn't help

× "is he any better than a normal man?"

× "like... I don't get it, [Y/N], he's a dog..." he'd whisper at you while on lunch break, baffled expression on his face

× you gave him a look of disgust, getting up from the table and going somewhere else; why the hell was he following you around?

× "seriously, tell me, is it the sex?" Albert asked hours later, following you to the exit, unaware of your absolutely uncomfortable responses as you quickened your steps, but he grabbed you by the arm, surprising you with his strength

× "if it's just the sex you better know there are some men, real men out there that can take good care of you, [Y/N]."

× you had to raise your voice for him to let go of you since heads started to turn towards both of you

× "Just drop it, Albert, it's none of your business!" you said before turning to leave

× when you walked through your apartment door you were rattled

× Katsuki walked through the door just as you prepared yourself a tea, shaking slightly, frown on your face

× "Hey, what's up?" he eyed you and sniffed the air, feeling you nervous, cup of tea almost spilling everywhere; "Hey, hey, hey, give me that. [Y/N], seriously, are you ok?"

× "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine." you lied and he knew, it was obvious even if you pretended everything was dandy

× on the other side you didn't want to make him worry or anything, Albert was just annoying and hopefully he now understood where he was standing

× but Bakugou Katsuki ain't having it, babe, nuh-huh

× he didn't say anything else about it that day though, just acted as normal but prepared your favorite dinner and a warm bath for you

× the next day he decided to pick you up from work by just arriving there half an hour earlier and see if something is really up, to make sure you're fine and the issue is from there

× he'd have to walk there from his job and then you'd both drive home and it wasn't a problem as he'd do overtime some other day;;

× what he did not expect was to hear your scream of help from the wooden area behind the parking lot in your office building

× let's go back in time for context;

× you walked out of work in a rush, finishing earlier than anyone else, car as your destination just ready to bolt home; Albert was eyeing you funny the whole day but stayed behind, so you didn't know if to feel worried or relieved

× as you walked to your car and pulled your keys, someone smashed you against the door

× "ungrateful bitch" you recognized the voice instantly and froze

× before you could open your mouth he put his palm on it and dragged you somewhere

× you dropped everything on the cement, bag, keys, phone...

× of course you were putting a fight but he was strong

× "I tried to be nice, sweeheart—" he mumbled while struggling to drag you into the wooden area

× "I told you, yeah? You shouldn't be with that damned mutt!" he pushed you unto a tree, making his first and last mistake, because he freed your mouth

× "HELP!" you screamed while he started grabbing your clothes, ripping sounds could be heard

× "I'm gonna have to show you what a real man can give you—"

× and as if planets aligned, in a blurr, Bakugou Katsuki appeared, jumping straight on him and knocking him out instantly, a loud crack deafening your ears

× Katsuki was shaking in anger

× he barely could control his body, his eyes were bloodshot and he had the most feral scowl you'd ever seen on him

× you just trembled in place, grabbing your clothes to cover yourself as you could

× Albert groaned on the floor, twisting his body to turn around and see what attacked him and in a broken speech, blood coming out of his mouth, he attempted to swear, but Bakugou's growl made him freeze in realization

× he was about to pounce again, any self-control leaving his mind when you hugged him tight

× in your arms you could feel his ragged breath, a deep continuous growl still coming from within his chest

× at this point some other people heard your cries too and called the police

× meanwhile you tried to calm him down because you felt he wanted to murder that son of a bitch

× intention was clear in his eyes, even Albert stood there terrified, broken jaw forgotten as he tattered on the floor like a weak animal

× "If you ever fucking dare to look in [Y/N]'s direction again I will find you—" he said and you shivered, holding him even more tightly "—I will kill you." he tried to take a step further but you wouldn't let him "And I'll make sure your body is never found."

× sirens could be heard in the distance and after that everything passed fastly

× they took Albert away, who was muttering scrawled stuff, and took both of your statements

× much to everyone's surprise they didn't cuff Bakugou [ 💖because we live in a society💖 ] so that was a good thing;

× although you did have to go to the station; they found security camera footage of the attempted assault, which Katsuki had to watch and almost erupted in rage yet again

× but it all came to an end when you got home, both absolutely silent

× he was huffing and walking around the place, shoulders tense and hands fisted into balls

× just to distract himself he started cleaning around the house and not looking at you, while you still stood there with his jacket on staring at him

× it wasn't until he finally looked at you when he really took in your state

× until now you behaved exemplary, calming him down, giving a statement, just acting strong

× yet once you reached the comfort of your own home you just couldn't take it any longer

× tears were falling on your face, you were shaking in place at the entrance, hugging his jacket close to your body as if it were your salvation and you just watched him

× it dawned on him how his rage took over him so hard that he couldn't focus on anything else, not even your heartbeat, your scent, your breath

× in an instant he was all over you, hugging you tight and lifting you up

× "I got you, baby, you're safe now." He'd whisper in your ear as you'd pull him closer

× he'd prepare you a warm bath and never leave your side while whispering sweet nothings to you

× "I'm never leaving out of my sight again, do you understand?"

× "I'll kill him if he ever comes close to you."

× "You're safe." he'd say as pulled you into him

× you spent the following days at home as you were granted emergency leave from work and found out the bastard was, of course, fired and prosecuted

× it would've been a lengthy process but from there on some things changed between you

× he'd walk to your job from his, even changed his work hours to fit yours, and you'd go home together, for starters

× his behaviour changed and even if he still gave you the Special Bakugou Attitude, he was gentler and sometimes you'd catch him looking at you like you're the most precious thing ever

× he wouldn't really word it at first but seeing you like that and finding out it was basically because of him really fucked him up

× it would take you to remind him that it's not his fault he's a hybrid, you always want to be with him, you don't care what he is really and the only one to blame was Albert

× [ he'd growl whenever his name would be mentioned ]

× anyway, remember, he needs to be held just as much as you do and that guilt will take some time to wash away; you got each other's back and that's what mattered at the end of the day

× but the weirdest thing was, as you went to the police station some more times, Bakugou somehow impressed the Captain, Tsunadu Hakamada:

× "That dude reeks of cocaine." he'd scowl and point with a sharp glare at this cuffed man sitting in a corner, making you look at him in wonder

× "How do you—"

× "Excuse me, did I hear that correctly?" someone said behind you, making you turn towards a tall blond man in uniform watching your boyfriend curiously

× "Hah?"

× low and behold, he's the captain of the precinct and asked Bakugou to come by any other day noting it would be a pretty great opportunity that would benefit both

× [ and after some attitude and snide comments from Katsuki, he agreed ]

× you went through a lot in a few weeks, like the trauma you'd both have to work through together but one good thing that came out of this situation apart from putting a piece of shit in jail was that Bakugou was offered a position as a special officer in the precinct as long as he went through the academy as anyone else would

× people were starting to see the value of hybrids and the Captain wasn't one to let go of such an opportunity

× things were progressing little by little and it gave you hope for a better tomorrow with Katsuki by your side.

Notes: For those that don't know, Tsunadu Hakamada is Best Jeanist.

[willowlark369]

Crazy Idea 31

Person on Fb: There should be term limits on SCotUS justices!

Other Person: There already are. It's called "retirement & death".

Me: [reading that] Murder is, in fact, frowned upon by most societies, but I do like where you're going with this.

[iamshwee]

SHADOW WORK: The Ultimate Guide

I. Why Focusing Only on the Light is a Form of Escapism

For most of my life, I’ve grown up firmly believing that the only thing worthy of guiding me was “light” and “love.” Whether through the family environment I was raised in, or the cultural myths I was brought up clinging to, I once believed that all you really needed to do in life to be happy was to focus on everything beautiful, positive and spiritually “righteous.” I’m sure you were raised believing a similar story as well. It’s a sort of “Recipe for Well-Being.”

But a few years ago, after battling ongoing mental health issues, I realized something shocking:

I was wrong.

Not just wrong, but completely and utterly off the mark. Focusing only on “love and light” will not heal your wounds on a deep level. In fact, I’ve learned through a lot of heavy inner work, that not only is focusing solely on “holiness” in life one side of the equation, but it is actually a form of spiritually bypassing your deeper, darker problems that, let me assure you, almost definitely exist.

It is very easy and comfortable to focus only on the light side of life. So many people in today’s world follow this path. And while it might provide some temporary emotional support, it doesn’t reach to the depths of your being: it doesn’t transform you at a core level. Instead, it leaves you superficially hanging onto warm and fuzzy platitudes which sound nice, but don’t enact any real change.

What DOES touch the very depths of your being, however, is exploring your Shadow.

II. What is the Human Shadow?

In short, the human shadow is our dark side; our lost and forgotten disowned self. 

Your shadow is the place within you that contains all of your secrets, repressed feelings, primitive impulses, and parts deemed “unacceptable,” shameful, “sinful” or even “evil.” 

This dark place lurking within your unconscious mind also contains suppressed and rejected emotions such as rage, jealousy, hatred, greed, deceitfulness, and selfishness.

So where did the Shadow Self idea originate? The concept was originally coined and explored by Swiss psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, Carl Jung. In Jung’s own words:

“Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual’s conscious life, the blacker and denser it is.”

When the human Shadow is shunned, it tends to undermine and sabotage our lives. Addictions, low self-esteem, mental illness, chronic illnesses, and various neuroses are all attributed to the Shadow Self. When our Shadows are suppressed or repressed in the unconscious long enough, they can even overtake our entire lives and causes psychosis or extreme forms of behavior like cheating on one’s partner or physically harming others. Intoxicants such as alcohol and drugs also have a tendency to unleash the Shadow.

Thankfully, there is a way to explore the Shadow and prevent it from devouring our existence, and that is called Shadow Work.

III. What is Shadow Work?

Shadow work is the process of exploring your inner darkness or “Shadow Self.” As mentioned previously, your Shadow Self is part of your unconscious mind and contains everything you feel ashamed of thinking and feeling, as well as every impulse, repressed idea, desire, fear, and perversion that for one reason or another, you have “locked away” consciously or unconsciously. Often this is done as a way of keeping yourself tame, likable, and “civilized” in the eyes of others.

Shadow work is the attempt to uncover everything that we have hidden and every part of us that has been disowned and rejected within our Shadow Selves. 

Why? Because without revealing to ourselves what we have hidden, we remain burdened with problems such as anger, guilt, shame, disgust, and grief.

All throughout the history of mankind Shadow Work has played a powerful yet mysterious and occult role in helping us discover what is causing us mental illness, physical dis-ease and even insanity resulting in crimes of all kinds.

Traditionally, Shadow Work fell in the realm of the Shamans, or medicine people, as well as the priests and priestesses of the archaic periods of history.  These days, Shadow Work falls more commonly in the realms of psychotherapy, with psychologists, psychiatrists, spiritual guides, and therapists.

IV. Do We All Have a Shadow Self?

Yes, we ALL have a Shadow Self.

As uncomfortable as it may sound, there is a dark side within every human being. Why is this the case? The reason why all human beings have a shadow is due to the way we were raised as human beings, often referred to as our ‘conditioning.’

“But I’m a good person! I don’t have a ‘shadow’ side,” you might be thinking. Well, the reality is that yes, you might be a good person. In fact, you might be the most generous, loving, and selfless person in the entire world. You might feed the hungry, save puppies, and donate half of your salary to the poor. But that doesn’t exclude you from having a Shadow. 

There are no exceptions here. 

The nature of being human is to possess both a light and a dark side, and we need to embrace that.

Sometimes, when people hear that they have a Shadow side (or when it is pointed out), there is a lot of denial. We have been taught to perceive ourselves in a very two-dimensional and limited way. We have been taught that only criminals, murderers, and thieves have a Shadow side.

This black and white thinking is one of the major causes of our suffering.

If the thought of having a Shadow side disturbs you, take a moment to consider whether you have developed an idealized self. 

Signs of an idealized self include attitudes such as:

·   “I’m not like those people, I’m better.”

·  “I have never strayed.”

·  “God is proud of me.”

·  “Criminals and wrongdoers aren’t human.”

·  “Everyone sees how good I am (even so, I have to remind them).”

·  “I’m a role model.”

·  “I should be validated and applauded for my good deeds.”

·  “I don’t have bad thoughts, so why do others?”

Such perceptions about oneself are unrealistic, unhealthy, and largely delusional. The only way to find inner peace, happiness, authentic love, self-fulfillment, and Illumination is to explore our Shadow.

V. How is Our Shadow Side Formed?

Your Shadow side is formed in childhood and is both (a) a product of natural ego development, and (b) a product of conditioning or socialization. Socialization is the process of learning to behave in a way that is acceptable to society.

When we are born, we are are all full of potential, with the ability to survive and develop in a variety of ways. As time goes on, we learn more and more to become a certain type of person. Slowly, due to our circumstances and preferences, we begin to adopt certain character traits and reject others. For example, if we are born into a family that shows little interpersonal warmth, we will develop personality traits that make us self-sufficient and perhaps standoffish or mind-oriented. If we are born into a family that rewards compliance and shuns rebellion, we will learn that being submissive works, and thus adopt that as part of our ego structure.

As authors and Jungian therapists, Steve Price and David Haynes write:

“But, as we develop our ego-personality, we also do something else at the same time. What has happened to all those parts of our original potential that we didn’t develop? They won’t just cease to exist: they will still be there, as potential or as partly developed, then rejected, personality attributes, and they will live on in the unconscious as an alternative to the waking ego. So, by the very act of creating a specifically delineated ego-personality, we have also created its opposite in the unconscious. This is the shadow. Everyone has one.”

As we can see, developing the Shadow Self is a natural part of development.

But you also formed an alter ego due to social conditioning, i.e. your parents, family members, teachers, friends, and society at large all contributed to your Shadow.

How?

Well here’s the thing: polite society operates under certain rules. In other words, certain behaviors and characteristics are approved of, while others are shunned. Take anger for example. Anger is an emotion that is commonly punished while growing up. Throwing tantrums, swearing, and destroying things was frowned upon by our parents and teachers. Therefore, many of us learned that expressing anger was not “OK.” Instead of being taught healthy ways to express our anger, we were punished sometimes physically (with smacks or being grounded), and often emotionally (withdrawal of love and affection).

There are countless behaviors, emotions, and beliefs that are rejected in society, and thus, are rejected by ourselves. In order to fit in, be accepted, approved, and loved, we learned to act a certain way. We adopted a role that would ensure our mental, emotional, and physical survival. But at the same time, wearing a mask has consequences. What happened to all the authentic, wild, socially taboo, or challenging parts of ourselves? They were trapped in the Shadow.

What happens as we grow up?

Through time, we learn to both enjoy, and despise, our socially-approved egos because, on the one hand, they make us feel good and “lovable,” but on the other hand, they feel phony and inhibited.

Therapist Steve Wolf has a perfect analogy that describes this process:

“Each of us is like Dorian Gray. We seek to present a beautiful, innocent face to the world; a kind, courteous demeanor; a youthful, intelligent image. And so, unknowingly but inevitably, we push away those qualities that do not fit the image, that does not enhance our self-esteem and make us stand proud but, instead, bring us shame and make us feel small. We shove into the dark cavern of the unconscious those feelings that make us uneasy — hatred, rage, jealousy, greed, competition, lust, shame — and those behaviors that are deemed wrong by the culture — addiction, laziness, aggression, dependency — thereby creating what could be called shadow content. Like Dorian’s painting, these qualities ultimately take on a life of their own, forming an invisible twin that lives just behind our life, or just beside it …”

But while the Shadow Self may be portrayed as our “evil twin,” it is not entirely full of “bad” stuff. There is actually gold to be found within the Shadow.

VI. What is the Golden Shadow?

Jung once states that “the shadow is ninety percent pure gold.” What this means is that there are many beautiful gifts offered to us by our Shadow side if we take the time to look. For example, so much of our creative potential is submerged within our darkness because we were taught when little to reject it.

Not everything within our Shadow is doom and gloom. In fact, the Shadow contains some of our most powerful gifts and talents, such as our artistic, sexual, competitive, innovative, and even intuitive aptitudes.

The ‘Golden Shadow’ also presents us with the opportunity for tremendous psychological and spiritual growth. By doing Shadow Work, we learn that every single emotion and wound that we possess has a gift to share with us. Even the most obnoxious, “ugly,” or shameful parts of ourselves provide a path back to Oneness. Such is the power of the Shadow – it is both a terrifying journey, but is ultimately a path to Enlightenment or Illumination. Every spiritual path needs Shadow Work to prevent the issues from happening that we’ll explore next.

VII. What Happens When You Reject Your Shadow?

When shadow-work is neglected, the soul feels dry, brittle, like an empty vessel. — S. Wolf

Rejecting, suppressing, denying, or disowning your Shadow, whether consciously or unconsciously, is a dangerous thing. The thing about the Shadow Self is that it seeks to be known. It yearns to be understood, explored, and integrated. It craves to be held in awareness. The longer the Shadow stays buried and locked in its jail cell deep within the unconscious, the more it will find opportunities to make you aware of its existence.

Both religion and modern spirituality tend to focus on the “love and light” aspects of spiritual growth to their own doom. 

This over-emphasis on the fluffy, transcendental, and feel-good elements of a spiritual awakening results in shallowness and phobia of whatever is too real, earthy, or dark.

Spiritually bypassing one’s inner darkness results in a whole range of serious issues. Some of the most common and reoccurring Shadow issues that appear in the spiritual/religious community include pedophilia among priests, financial manipulation of followers among gurus, and of course, megalomania, narcissism, and God complexes among spiritual teachers.

Other issues that arise when we reject our Shadow side can include:

·  Hypocrisy (believing and supporting one thing, but doing the other)

·  Lies and self-deceit (both towards oneself and others)

·  Uncontrollable bursts of rage/anger

·  Emotional and mental manipulation of others

·  Greed and addictions

·  Phobias and obsessive compulsions

·  Racist, sexist, homophobic, and other offensive behavior

·  Intense anxiety

·  Chronic psychosomatic illness

·  Depression (which can turn into suicidal tendencies)

·  Sexual perversion

·  Narcissistically inflated ego

·  Chaotic relationships with others

·  Self-loathing

·  Self-absorption

·  Self-sabotage

… and many others. This is by no means a comprehensive list (and there are likely many other issues out there). As we’ll learn next, one of the greatest ways we reject our Shadow is through psychological projection.

VIII. The Shadow and Projection (a Dangerous Mix)

One of the biggest forms of Shadow rejection is something called projection.

Projection is a term that refers to seeing things in others that are actually within ourselves.

When we pair projection and the Shadow Self together, we have a dangerous mix. Why? Because as psychotherapist Robert A. Johnson writes:

“We generally seek to punish that which reminds us most uncomfortable about the part of ourselves that we have not come to terms with, and we often ‘see’ these disowned qualities in the world around us.”

There are many different ways we ‘punish’ those who are mirrors of our Shadow qualities. We may criticize, reject, hate, dehumanize, or even in extreme cases, physically or psychologically seek to destroy them (think of countries who go at war with the “enemies”). None of us are innocent in this area. We have ALL projected parts of our rejected self onto others. In fact, Shadow projection is a major cause of relationship dysfunction and break down.

If we are seeking to bring peace, love, and meaning to our lives, we absolutely MUST reclaim these projections. Through Shadow Work, we can explore exactly what we have disowned.

IX. Twelve Benefits of Shadow Work

Firstly, I want to say that I have the highest respect for Shadow Work. It is the single most important path I’ve taken to uncover my core wounds, core beliefs, traumas, and projections. I have also observed how Shadow Work has helped to create profound clarity, understanding, harmony, acceptance, release, and inner peace in the lives of others. It is truly deep work that makes changes on the Soul level targeting the very roots of our issues, not just the superficial symptoms.

There is SO much to be gained from making Shadow Work a part of your life, and daily routine. Here are some of the most commonly experienced benefits:

1.     Deeper love and acceptance of yourself

2.     Better relationships with others, including your partner and children

3.     More confidence to be your authentic self

4.     More mental, emotional, and spiritual clarity

5.     Increased compassion/understanding for others = who you dislike

6.     Enhanced creativity

7.     Discovery of hidden gifts and talents

8.     Deepened understanding of your passions and ultimate life purpose

9.     Improved physical and mental health

10.   More courage to face the unknown and truly live life

11.   Access to your Soul or Higher Self

12.   A feeling of Wholeness

It’s important to remember that there are no quick fixes in Shadow Work, so these life-changing benefits don’t just happen overnight. But with persistence, they will eventually emerge and bless your life.

X. Seven Tips for Approaching Shadow Work

Before you begin Shadow Work, you need to assess whether you’re ready to embark on this journey. Not everyone is prepared for this deep work, and that’s fine. We’re all at different stages. So pay attention to the following questions and try to answer them honestly:

·        Have you practiced self-love yet?

o   If not, Shadow Work will be too overwhelming for you. I have starred this bullet point because it is essential for you to consider. Shadow Work should not be attempted by those who have poor self-worth or struggle with self-loathing. In other words: if you struggle with severely low self-esteem, please do not attempt Shadow Work. I emphatically warn you against doing it. Why? If you struggle with extremely poor self-worth, exploring your Shadow will likely make you feel ten times worse about yourself. Before you walk this path, you absolutely must establish a strong and healthy self-image. No, you don’t have to think you’re God’s gift to the world, but having average self-worth is important. Try taking this self-esteem test to explore whether you’re ready (but first, don’t forget to finish this article!).

·        Are you prepared to make time? 

o   Shadow Work is not a lukewarm practice. You are either all in or all out. Yes, it is important to take a break from it from time to time. But Shadow Work requires dedication, self-discipline, and persistence. Are you willing to intentionally carve out time each day to dedicate to it? Even just ten minutes a day is a good start.

·        Are you looking to be validated or to find the truth? 

o   As you probably know by now, Shadow Work isn’t about making you feel special. It isn’t like typical spiritual paths that are focused on the feel-good. No, Shadow Work can be brutal and extremely confronting. This is a path for truth seekers, not those who are seeking to be validated.

·        Seek to enter a calm and neutral space. 

o   It is important to try and relax when doing Shadow Work. Stress and judgmental or critical attitudes will inhibit the process. So please try to incorporate a calming meditation or mindfulness technique into whatever you do.

·        Understand that you are not your thoughts. 

o   You need to realize that you are not your thoughts for Shadow Work to be healing and liberating. Only from your calm and quiet Center (also known as your Soul) can you truly be aware of your Shadow aspects. By holding them in awareness, you will see them clearly for what they are, and realize that they ultimately don’t define you; they are simply rising and falling mental phenomena.

·        Practice self-compassion.

o   It is of paramount importance to incorporate compassion and self-acceptance into your Shadow Work practice. Without showing love and understanding to yourself, it is easy for Shadow Work to backfire and make you feel terrible. So focus on generating self-love and compassion, and you will be able to release any shame and embrace your humanity.

·        Record everything you find. 

o   Keep a written journal or personal diary in which you write down, or draw, your discoveries. Recording your dreams, observations, and analysis will help you to learn and grow more effectively. You’ll also be able to keep track of your process and make important connections.

 XI. How to Practice Shadow Work

There are many Shadow Work techniques and exercises out there. In this guide, I will provide a few to help you start off. I’ll also share a few examples from my own life:

1. Pay attention to your emotional reactions

In this practice, you’ll learn that what you give power to has power over you. Let me explain:

One Shadow Work practice I enjoy a great deal is paying attention to everything that shocks, disturbs, and secretly thrills me. Essentially, this practice is about finding out what I’ve given the power to in my life unconsciously, because: what we place importance in – whether good or bad – says a lot about us.

The reality is that what we react to, or what makes us angry and distressed, reveals extremely important information to us about ourselves.

For example, by following where my “demons” have taken me – whether in social media, family circles, workspaces, and public places – I have discovered two important things about myself. The first one is that I’m a control freak; I hate feeling vulnerable, powerless and weak . . . it quite simply scares the living hell out of me. How did I discover this? Through my intense dislike of witnessing rape scenes in movies and TV shows, my negative reaction to novel experiences (e.g. roller coaster rides, public speaking, etc.), as well as my discomfort surrounding sharing information about my life with others in conversations. Also, by following where my “demons” have guided me I’ve discovered that I’m being burdened by an exasperating guilt complex that I developed through my religious upbringing. Apart of me wants to feel unworthy because that is what I’ve developed a habit of feeling since childhood (e.g. “You’re a sinner,” “It’s your fault Jesus was crucified”), and therefore, that is what I secretly feel comfortable with feeling: unworthy. So my mind nit-picks anything I might have done “wrong,” and I’m left with the feeling of being “bad” – which I’m used to, but nevertheless, this is destructive for my well-being.

Thanks to this practice, I have welcomed more compassion, mindfulness, and forgiveness into my life.

Paying attention to your emotional reactions can help you to discover exactly how your core wounds are affecting you on a daily basis.

How to Pay Attention to Your Emotional Reactions

To effectively pay attention to your emotional reactions (I call it “following the trail of your inner demons”), you first need to cultivate:

1. Self-awareness

Without being conscious of what you’re doing, thinking, feeling, and saying, you won’t progress very far.

If, however, you are fairly certain that you’re self-aware (or enough to start the process), you will then need to:

2. Adopt an open mindset

You will need to have the courage and willingness to observe EVERYTHING uncomfortable you place importance in, and ask “why?” What do I mean by the phrase “placing importance in”? By this, I mean that, whatever riles, shocks, infuriates, disturbs and terrifies you, you must pay attention to. Closely.

Likely, you will discover patterns constantly emerging in your life. For example, you might be outraged or embarrassed every time sex appears in a TV show or movie you like (possibly revealing sexual repression or mistaken beliefs about sex that you’ve adopted throughout life). Or you might be terrified of seeing death or dead people (possibly revealing your resistance to the nature of life or childhood trauma). Or you might be disgusted by alternative political, sexual, and spiritual lifestyles (possibly revealing your hidden desire to do the same).

There are so many possibilities out there, and I encourage you to go slowly, take your time, and one by one pick through what you place importance in.

“But I DON’T place importance in gross, bad or disturbing things in life, how could I? I don’t care for them!” you might be asking.

Well, think for a moment. If you didn’t place so much importance on what makes you angry, disgusted or upset . . . why would you be reacting to it so much? The moment you emotionally react to something is the moment you have given that thing power over you. Only that which doesn’t stir up emotions in us is not important to us.

See what you respond to and listen to what your Shadow is trying to teach you.

2. Artistically Express Your Shadow Self

Art is the highest form of self-expression and is also a great way to allow your Shadow to manifest itself.  Psychologists often use art therapy as a way to help patients explore their inner selves.

Start by allowing yourself to feel (or drawing on any existing) dark emotions. Choose an art medium that calls to you such as pen and pencil, watercolor, crayon, acrylic paint, scrapbooking, sculpting, etc. and draw what you feel. You don’t need to consider yourself an ‘artist’ to benefit from this activity. You don’t even need to plan what you’ll create. Just let your hands, pen, pencil, or paintbrush do the talking. The more spontaneous, the better. Artistic expression can reveal a lot about your obscure darker half. Psychologist Carl Jung (who conceptualized the Shadow Self idea) was even famous for using mandalas in his therapy sessions.

3. Start a Project

The act of creation can be intensely frustrating and can give birth to some of your darker elements such as impatience, anger, blood-thirsty competitiveness, and self-doubt. At the same time, starting a project also allows you to experience feelings of fulfillment and joy.

If you don’t already have a personal project that you’re undertaking (such as building something, writing a book, composing music, mastering a new skill), find something you would love to start doing. Using self-awareness and self-exploration during the process of creation, you will be able to reap deeper insights into your darkness. Ask yourself constantly, “What am I feeling and why?” Notice the strong emotions that arise during the act of creation, both good and bad. You will likely be surprised by what you find!

For example, as a person who considers myself non-competitive, that assumption has been challenged by the act of writing this blog. Thanks to this project, the Shadow within me of ruthless competitiveness has shown its face, allowing me to understand myself more deeply.

4. Write a Story or Keep a Shadow Journal

Goethe’s story Faust is, in my opinion, one of the best works featuring the meeting of an ego and his Shadow Self.  His story details the life of a Professor who becomes so separated and overwhelmed by his Shadow that he comes to the verge of suicide, only to realize that the redemption of the ego is solely possible if the Shadow is redeemed at the same time.

Write a story where you project your Shadow elements onto the characters – this is a great way to learn more about your inner darkness.  If stories aren’t your thing, keeping a journal or diary every day can shine a light on the darker elements of your nature.  Reading through your dark thoughts and emotions can help you to recover the balance you need in life by accepting both light and dark emotions within you.

5. Explore Your Shadow Archetypes

We have several Shadow varieties, also called Shadow Archetypes. These archetypes are sometimes defined as:

·        The Sorcerer/Alchemist

·        The Dictator

·        The Victim

·        The Shadow Witch

·        The Addict

·        The Idiot

·        The Trickster

·        The Destroyer

·        The Slave

·        The Shadow Mother

·        The Hag

·        The Hermit

However, I have my own Shadow Archetype classification, which I will include below.

13 Shadow Archetypes

Here are my thirteen classifications which are based on my own self-observations and analysis of others:

1.  The Egotistical Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: arrogance, egocentricity, pompousness, inconsiderateness, self-indulgence, narcissism, excessive pride.

2.  The Neurotic Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: paranoia, obsessiveness, suspiciousness, finicky, demanding, compulsive behavior.

3.  The Untrustworthy Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: secretive, impulsive, frivolous, irresponsible, deceitful, unreliable.

4.  The Emotionally Unstable Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: moody, melodramatic, weepy, overemotional, impulsive, changeable.

5.  The Controlling Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: suspicious, jealous, possessive, bossy, obsessive.

6.  The Cynical Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: negative, overcritical, patronizing, resentful, cantankerous.

7.  The Wrathful Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: ruthless, vengeful, bitchy, quick-tempered, quarrelsome.

8.  The Rigid Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: uptight, intolerant, racist, sexist, ableist, homophobic, obstinate, uncompromising, inflexible, narrow-minded.

9.  The Glib Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: superficial, cunning, inconsistent, sly, crafty.

10.  The Cold Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: emotionally detached, distant, indifferent, uncaring, unexcited.

11.  The Perverted Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: masochistic, lewd, sadistic, vulgar, libidinous.

12.  The Cowardly Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: weak-willed, passive, timid, fearful.

13.  The Immature Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: puerile, childish, illogical, simpleminded, vacuous.

Keep in mind that the above Shadow Archetypes are by no means exhaustive. I’m sure that there are many others out there which I have missed. But you are free to use this breakdown to help you explore your own Shadows. You’re also welcome to add to this list or create your own Shadow Archetypes, which I highly encourage. For example, you might possess a judgmental and dogmatic Shadow who you call “The Nun,” or a sexually deviant Shadow who you call “The Deviant.” Play around with some words and labels, and see what suits your Shadows the best.

6. Have an Inner Conversation

Also known as “Inner Dialogue,” or as Carl Jung phrased it, “Active Imagination,” having a conversation with your Shadow is an easy way to learn from it.

I understand if you might feel a twinge of skepticism towards this practice right now. After all, we are taught that “only crazy people talk to themselves.” But inner dialogue is regularly used in psychotherapy as a way to help people communicate with the various subpersonalities that they have – and we all possess various faces and sides of our ego.

One easy way to practice inner dialogue is to sit in a quiet place, close your eyes, and tune into the present moment. Then, think of a question you would like to ask your Shadow, and silently speak it within your mind. Wait a few moments and see if you ‘hear’ or ‘see’ an answer. Record anything that arises and reflect on it. It is even possible to carry on a conversation with your Shadow using this method. Just ensure that you have an open mindset. In other words, don’t try to control what is being said, just let it flow naturally. You will likely be surprised by the answers you receive!

Visualization is another helpful way of engaging in inner dialogue. I recommend bringing to mind images of dark forests, caves, holes in the ground, or the ocean as these all represent the unconscious mind. Always ensure that you enter and exit your visualization in the same manner, e.g. if you are walking down a path, make sure you walk back up the path. Or if you open a particular door, make sure you open the same door when returning back to normal consciousness. This practice will help to draw you effortlessly in and out of visualizations.

7. Use the Mirror Technique

As we have learned, projection is a technique of the Shadow that helps us to avoid what we have disowned. However, we don’t only project the deeper and darker aspects of ourselves onto others, we also project our light and positive attributes as well. For example, a person may be attracted to another who displays fierce self-assertiveness, not realizing that this quality is what they long to reunite with inside themselves. Another common example (this time negative) is judgmentalism. How many times have you heard someone say “he/she is so judgmental!” Ironically, the very person saying this doesn’t realize that calling another person ‘judgmental’ is actually pronouncing a judgment against them and revealing their own judgmental nature.

The Mirror Technique is the process of uncovering our projections. To practice this technique, we must adopt a mindful and honest approach towards the world: we need to be prepared to own that which we have disowned! Being radically truthful with ourselves can be difficult, so it does require practice. But essentially, we must adopt the mindset that other people are our mirrors. We must understand that those around us serve as the perfect canvas onto which we project all of our unconscious desires and fears.

Start this practice by examining your thoughts and feelings about those you come in contact with. Pay attention to moments when you’re emotionally triggered and ask yourself “am I projecting anything?” Remember: it is also possible to project our own qualities onto another person who really does possess the qualities. Psychologists sometimes refer to this as “projecting onto reality.” For example, we might project our rage onto another person who is, in fact, a rage-filled person. Or we might project our jealousy onto another who genuinely is jealous.

Ask yourself, “What is mine, what is theirs, and what is both of ours?” Not every triggering situation reveals a projection, but they more than often do. Also, look for things you love and adore about others, and uncover the hidden projections there.

The Mirror Technique will help you to shed a lot of light onto Shadow qualities that you have rejected, suppressed, repressed, or disowned. On a side note, you might also like to read about a similar practice called mirror work which helps you to come face-to-face with your own denied aspects.

XII. Shadow Work Q&A

Here are some commonly asked questions about shadow work:

What is shadow work?

Shadow work is the psychological and spiritual practice of exploring our dark side or the ‘shadowy’ part of our nature. We all possess a place within us that contains our secrets, repressed feelings, shameful memories, impulses, and parts that are deemed “unacceptable” and “ugly.” This is our dark side or shadow self – and it is often symbolized as a monster, devil, or ferocious wild animal.

How to do shadow work?

There are many ways to practice shadow work. Some of the most powerful and effective techniques include journaling, artistically expressing your dark side (also known as art therapy), using a mirror to connect with this part of you (mirror work), guided meditations, exploring your projections, and examining your shadow archetypes.

What is the spiritual shadow?

There is light and darkness within all areas of life, and spirituality is not exempt. The spiritual shadow is what occurs when we fall into the traps of spiritual materialism – a phenomenon where we use spirituality to boost our egos and become arrogant, self-absorbed, and even narcissistic.

XIII. Shadow Self -Test

https://lonerwolf.com/shadow-self-test/

As passionate proponents of Shadow Work, we have created a free Shadow Self test on this website for you to take. Like any test, take it with a grain of salt and use your own analysis to ultimately determine how ‘dominant’ your Shadow is in your life. Please remember that tests online cannot be 100% accurate, so see it as a fun self-discovery tool. And note: those who receive a “small Shadow Self” answer still need to do Shadow Work. No person is exempt. ;)

XIV. Own Your Shadow and You Will Own Your Life

If you are looking for some serious, authentic and long-lived healing in your life, Shadow Work is the perfect way to experience profound inner transformation. Remember that what you internalize is almost always externalized in one form or another.

Own your shadow and you will own your life.

Here are some final inspiring words:

“The secret is out: all of us, no exceptions, have qualities we won’t let anyone see, including ourselves – our Shadow. If we face up to our dark side, our life can be energized. If not, there is the devil to pay. This is one of life’s most urgent projects. — Larry Dossey (Healing Words)”

“If we don’t change, we don’t grow. If we don’t grow, we are not really living. Growth demands a temporary surrender of security.” — Gail Sheehy

“Who has not at one time or another felt a sourness, wrath, selfishness, envy and pride, which he could not tell what to do with, or how to bear, rising up in him without his consent, casting a blackness over all his thoughts … It is exceeding good and beneficial to us to discover this dark, disordered fire of our soul; because when rightly known and rightly dealt with, it can as well be made the foundation of heaven as it is of hell. — William Law”

“To confront a person with his own shadow is to show him his own light. — Carl Jung”

[littlemisswriter]

Saving London - Part 1

Summary:

What if the Frye twins never grew up to be assassins, yet to be working men and women in the city of London along with the others? What if Lily had been the only assassin to respond to Henry Green's plead for help? And what if she recruits the twins to work alongside her to stop the oppression and fight against Templars?

[Here is my promised written imagine, there will be more parts soon so don’t worry! Let me know if you like it; I am trying new concepts around the Syndicate storyline, types of AU’s that I don’t see much in this fandom, let alone this game specifically! So hope you all enjoy :)]

-

Society had been they way it had always been for the last hundred years. A biased dictatorship working in favour of their own gain and allowing those under them to indulge in nothing but their scraps. The world was a large place, with London in the very centre.

The blue skies above were being met with black hazes from the factories below, and those situated in those said factories were not faring any better. Day in, day out were workers worn to the bone. Hands calloused and dirty from maintaining the machines that built the technologies around them. Men spent most time away from home, doing their best to support families in spite of their decreasing health. Though it had not only been men that were subjected to this environment, but women and children as well.

Morally it had been frowned upon to have such a vast amount of workers, but business wise… those who held power could get away with whatever they wanted. Well, had been able to get away with what they wanted. Times were changing, people were oppressed, and a certain underground gang had taken it upon themselves to answer London’s calls.

Outside the factory walls in Southwark, the sun had begun to descend behind the horizon; the chilly night air settling in for those still out and about on the streets. But for those in the factory, the temperature had been nothing less of humid and uncomfortable. Those workers that kept away with their tasks had been there for hours, body’s aching and spirits broken, yet still desperate to cling onto what little pay they could get.

Among those had been a particular young man, muscles built deeply by his youthful ability to complete his tasks and those around in need of help. He had built up a sweat, resulting in the first few buttons of his shirt being undone to provide some form of air to his skin. His hair had been hard to maintain on its own, strands consistent to fall upon his forehead and block his view irritatingly, so he simply kept it slick back with the help of his newsboy cap. “Oi Jacob!”

The call of his name had distracted him momentarily, hands gripping around the broom as he watched an older worker approach him cautiously. His eyebrow raised.

“What is it, Tommy?” Taking a proper stand with a lean on his elbow and hand to his waist, he stood waiting for the chap to spit out whatever sat on his tongue. Tommy pointed behind him and Jacob’s gaze followed.

“Little Charlie seems tired, he does. Poor lad can’t barely keep his eyes open.” The mention of the young boy had Jacob’s brows furrow in concern, their eyes landing to watch the child struggle to pick up a basket from the corner. Tommy had not spoken a tale, the boy’s legs weak as he struggled to carry his own weight, and face red from exhaustion of working more than half the day. “Do you think you could ‘elp? I know it’s a bother to ask-”

He was interrupted by a raise of Jacob’s hand and a quick reassuringly smile. “No bother.” The older man sighed in relief, hands rubbing together stressfully as the lines on his face etched a smile to replicate.

“Thank you. I don’t know what we’d do without you.” The thought given a moment to linger at the consequences of those if Jacob were not there to aid them. It was chilling, and most unwelcome.

The broom was leant on the wall he found it, forgotten as Jacob made way quickly over to help the young boy. His pace was quick, but not quick enough as Charlie’s knees gave out and he slipped down to the floor. Jacob’s eyes widened as he came by him, hand on his shoulder. “Are you alright, Charlie?” The young boy could only nod and wipe his elbow out from under his nose, as if to hold back tears.

“I’m just tired, sir.” As would be expected.

“Jacob,” he corrected, not fond of the title from a boy he knew relatively well, “and don’t worry. Go take a rest out of sight, and I’ll take care of this.” Charlie’s eyes glimmered in relief, offering only an eager nod. But before either could move, they had been called. And not kindly in the slightest.

“You two!” A pair of Blighters had caught the workers dawdling, meaning now a confrontation was imminent. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Impulsively, Jacob stood with furrowed brows, his arm outstretched to the boy behind him as he acted as a barrier.

“I made the mistake, not the boy. I was about to rectify-”

“Stop your babbling, boy!” Jacob was shoved back, his footing catching his fall easily as he narrowed his eyes up to the guards. “What I see is two slackers! And you know what happens to slackers?” The brute standing behind the accuser had grinned evilly, knuckles cracking as he came forward. Slight panic rose through Jacob as he once again placed himself between Charlie and danger.

“I’ll take punishment, whatever it is. Just let the boy go.” A mere cackle came his response as the two made ground towards them.

“Boss told us to give a thrashing to those sitting idle.” As he would, seeing as that man had been the least compassionate foreman Jacob had ever come across. His only concern was himself and everything that he reflected. Ministered beatings had not been uncommon here, yet nobody seemed to adjust to the mistreatment or became brave enough to stop them.

The scene had many eyes turn, some stopping to witness the horror of the Blighters. Though nobody moved. Most had uttered a few courageous words before, but nothing drastic to make a change. They all knew their place, as uncomfortable as the reality of it was. And the truth was, if you wanted to eat, you did as you were told and took what was given to you.

Jacob stepped back a few paces, keeping Charlie hidden well behind him as he did his best to appear brave. If anybody had a shot at countering hits and supplying their own, it was Jacob. But that had not meant it was going to be any less brutal.

They came closer, almost cornering the man as the boy did nothing but whimper behind him; all in all, they had felt helpless. But yet… it appeared fate had other plans.

“I’m gonna hit you so hard, I’ll-”

A commotion could suddenly be heard from higher up, stilling the Blighters as they bore witness to yells and thumps at the top of the factory. It had not sounded too promising, especially when no one knew whose yells they belonged to and why they were suddenly prominent. Then, a body came tumbling down to the bottom floor, everyone gasping in horror as it lay limp and lifeless for everyone to see.

Jacob blinked back profusely, glancing back to Charlie before allowing himself to recognize exactly who lay dead before him.

The foreman. His throat continuously bleeding out as well as two stab marks to his chest. A sight that most may and did feel faint from. And so, panic ensured as the workers let down their tasks easily and made way for escape. Charlie had been one to catch himself in the mass of the crowd, yet Jacob’s feet were planted firmly to the ground. It was a horrible sight, yes, but he was also oddly intrigued as to what was going on.

“Oh shit!” The brute muttering, looking over to his partner before hesitantly making way to the body. Though he did not get far when a figure had abruptly dropped done next to the man. They had been covered head to toe in robes, their identity concealed with a hood though a belt masked with weapons had been on display for all to see.

A lump caught in Jacob’s throat as he and the few others that still remained quickly pieced together that whoever was under those robes had been the culprit to the foreman’s death. And rightly so, ruminating on the behaviour that led the man to his own demise.

“Who the hell are you? What have you done?” The figure stood straight, turning to face what appeared to be the last remaining Blighters in the factory. It was quiet, too quiet, and that had sent up an unnerving chill through their spines.

“Now, that is not a polite way to speak, is it?” The voice was female, a surprising notion in on itself. But yet it had been cocky, the calm demeanour of someone having just murdered another was terrifying. And her dry laugh that followed after had both Blighters step back in hesitance. “This man is dead,” she pointed to the body, allowing Jacob to capture a look at a glistening blade attached to her forearm. He swallowed back harshly.

“You’re the dead man!” The shorter Blighter had been snapped back into anger as the stranger merely found humour in his boss’s death. He yanked a blade from his pocket and charged at the woman, all bodies tensing as they waited for the clash. Though she had easily ducked his swing, her speed impeccable as she twisted the same arm intended for harm back behind his back. A crack had been heard, the Blighter yelling in agony as she took his own blade and ended him with it.

No sweat was broken, neither had her spirit. As if she was simply strolling through a park with infinite time on her hands. The brute had been next, fighting back resistance as he too took charge. His hits were hard, the man built on nothing but sheer muscle and height. Which left his weak spot open, something she took great advantage of.

A slip between his legs and a kick to the back of his leg brought him to his knees. He swung against vigorously, though his attempts had been in vain as she used her height advantage to slide the very same blade on her wrist down into his neck.

Blood came and sept through as he lay limp in it, all threatening seeming to disappear as now stood the workers and the dangerous stranger. She looked around, taking a moment to ensure that the factory had been completely wiped out of all Blighters before echoing a large whistle. It was a call, and soon enough, as if waiting for the signal, a handful of Rooks had stepped into the building and immediately made claim.

“What in the…” Jacob could not fathom what was happening, or how it had actually been done. Who was the stranger? Why go to all the trouble for a factory in Southwark? Why had he been more intrigued than fearful of it all?

“My fellow companions!” The stranger began, finding refuge on a crate as she stood centre of attention to all those around. “I know you may be confused, and even frightened, but fear not! We are not here to hurt you or any others that do not belong to the Blighter gang!” Precuring the safety and wellbeing of those who had feared had them relax, but not entirely. Their bodies still tense and hesitant as they gathered around.

Jacob had been one to come closer, arms crossed over his chest as he stood in the small surrounding crowd. His brows furrowed as he kept all attention to the stranger.

She looked around her, nodding to her Rooks before gently pulling her hood back. It was if his heart had stopped as he first lay eyes on the woman. She had been beautiful, no doubt about it. Yet she was foreign, dressed to what society would deem inappropriate for women. She was cocky and dangerous, a small grin still etched to the corner of her mouth as she spoke to those openly around her. “My name is Lily Harvard, and these here are my Rooks!” Arms out wide as she gestured to the green coated gang surrounding. “I am here to make you all an offer. To help us take down the Blighters in all boroughs and liberate London back to its people!”

An honourable quest yet a large ask. She had taken employment from those under an authority that much less cared about the health and wellbeing of its workers. But did not come empty handed.

“Join me! Join the Rooks!” Some had already taken to the idea, a few more Rooks entering with spare jackets to pass to those that were eager to be invested in something, and others that did not want to be left stranded. “You do not have to do anything you do not wish, but bear in mind that you will be apart of something larger than yourselves! Help us destroys Crawford Starrick’s hold on this city, and we in turn will welcome you like family!”

The coaxing appeared to deter a few, those leaving subtly out of the eye of others though most stayed, agreeing to the terms and enlightened to be better looked after in this new emerging gang. Jacob had not peeped a word, his eyes still drawn to Lily as she looked happily to those around her. A nudge had suddenly caught his attention and a woman holding a green jacket extended it out to him. “You in, sunshine?”

Jacob took a moment, looking from the jacket to the Rook, to Lily, and back to the jacket. Well… it could not possibly be worse than working in this factory with little to no regard. Plus… redemption for him and those around him did sound quiet appealing.

“Why not?” The Rook offered him a toothy grin and chucked the jacket in his hands. The man grasping to the material before ridding his own jacket and replacing it.

It was the start of something better, and he couldn’t wait to tell Evie.

[feitansluver]

Two Birds on a Wire (THE PROLOGUE)

a Feitan x Reader series (gender neutral)

Genre: romance, angst, fluff, smidge of violence

Series Summary: If you wish to see the series summary, check out my masterlist (which should be up now, if not just give me 10 mins) which you can access through my pinned navigations post on my blog. It might have a teensy bit of spoilers but nothing too drastic since this is a major wip.

Prologue Summary: This story's beginning takes place before the troupe was even a figment of anyone's imagination. Meteor City is a dangerous place, and many can vouch for me when I say this. The place where good deeds never come truly from the heart, but instead for the chance to get what you wanted from someone else. Here begins the story of how Feitan Portor and Y/n L/n would soon meet, for real this time.

Author's Note: This entire series is inspired by the song "Two Birds" by Regina Spektor. I originally wrote this as a small x reader for a writing sample, but I like it so much, it'll be a series instead. This is going to be a slow burn series. As you can tell from my headcanons, I'm super detailed when it comes to adding backstories. It's even worse w actual stories. I'm not too sure how many chapters this will be but, Please enjoy! reblogs, likes, and constructive criticism is appreciated. Heads up, this will be the shortest 'chapter' of them all, so do be prepared haha. Italicized = Flashbacks!

The aroma of decaying matter engulfed the air like a thick fog, pulling down and wrapping itself around the shiny newcomers to the rather large wasteland of an area. These newcomers weren't wealthy, no, instead, they were here for the ego boost that accompanied the action of them tossing any worthless item that would instantly be scavenged by a poor resident, usually a child since they were small and naturally agile. Well, as agile as they could be growing up eating other's waste. Those bastards with their sickening laughs of arrogance. They'd be frowned upon in a normal society, but here, oh here, this was just what they'd call a Wednesday.

Where exactly is 'here,' you may be asking? To the people passing through, they might've considered it to be hell. Perhaps a dumpster. Hell, they might have even passed through with out even noticing the cries of agony as a mother's child passed away from malnutrition, without noticing the way that no resident seemed to acknowledge anything other than themselves, even the murder of a shopkeep in broad daylight. No, see they're too focused on trying to steal to survive, perhaps even slave away to a more fortunate resident for a chance at life, if you could even call this living. 'Maybe they're just introverted people,' oh how naïve you must be to even succumb to that conclusion. 'Here' there is no such thing as introversion, with this trait, you won't survive for more than 10 minutes.

'Here' is none other than Meteor City.

Coughing could be heard around every corner from the ill, penniless residents who were selling everything in their possession just to survive another miserable day. A feeble attempt truly, it's not as though the medicine was at least 50% likely to cause some sort of change. Nonetheless, Meteor City wasn't too bad, no. Children scurried amongst each other, shouting with smiles upon their somewhat sunken faces as they played along the areas of the city that were truly wastelands. There were no true friends created in Meteor City, but these children have yet to understand.

All except for one. A rather small boy, whether that be from malnutrition or genetics, with black hair and heartless black eyes sat upon an old shipping crate with an uninterested look upon his young face as he watched the children run about. "How pedestrian," was all that came out of his cracked, dehydrated lips. Only an 8-year-old from Meteor would consider playing to be pedestrian. Aside from his shocking attitude, with one glance you could certainly tell he wasn't from here, such 'exotic' features couldn't have been bred in this hellhole. The boy was dressed in what seemed to be traditional Asian clothes, ones that were too big for his figure, all black and seemingly thick yet still lightweight enough to where he wouldn't die from a heat stroke, the word "Feitan" engraved over his left breast. Perhaps this was his name, neither he or the townsfolk new, but it was what they called him when they believed he wasn't looking. He was frequently seen mumbling to himself, and paired with his stone cold gaze, he was deemed "unapproachable" to others, adults and children alike.

"Hey, you!" A call from one of the children pulled Feitan out of his thoughts. The blackette raised his gaze to find another small child before him, taller yes, but no doubt younger, no stranger to his eyes yet not an aly. "My name's Marley. Do you want to play with us?" Feitan rolled his eyes in annoyance and spoke with his broken interpretation of the city's language. "Why would me want t-," He analyzed the other children beside the runt Marley and froze his gaze upon another small child, who was smiling as they spoke to a friend, one he's kept his eye on for a long time.

(Y/n) (L/n).

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2 years ago, Meteor City, 3rd Person Omniscient

The sky boomed a thunderous roar as lighting flashed across the city. Purples and dark ominous grey's colored over the townsfolk as the rushed their preparations for the storm. Adults were sheltering children, even if they didn't know them, most likely with the promise of something in return, while also taking in whatever possessions they needed before the storm's condition worsened.

A 4-year-old child, Y/n, ran about the poorly made streets, hoping to find a place of shelter before it was too late. Of course, since they're small and malnourished, they weren't very efficient, constantly stumbling over their two feet and pausing to catch their balance.

"Please, somebody help me!"

They continued to run through the now damp streets as the rain began to pour violently. Water drenched the poor child as they ran around banging on doors screaming for help, yet still, no one listened. It was almost as though the entire town had become a ghost city.Just as Y/n was about to give up, a hand grabbed their arm harshly and quickly pulled them into a small, dark, poorly-made shack.

Y/n jumped back in surprise with a yelp only to be pushed down by the other party, quite roughly might I add. "Shhh." A firm, seemingly male voice commanded with no other words as he sat beside the younger child. "Are you going to eat me??" Y/n spoke in a panicked tone. "The old lady by the library told me a story about a demon who comes out during horrible storms and eats the children who are wandering the streets." They cried with their arms curled around their legs, staring at the silhouette in fear beside of them.

The strange savior huffed under his breath. Why did he even pull this idiot into his home. Who was he to be providing shelter for others when he could barely take care of himself? God he never hated himself more until that moment. There was no place for some snotty kid, nor did he want to deal with them either. "Me no eat you. you taste bad, too whiny." Was all the boy said, hoping to get the other to take the hint and shut up.

"O-oh. My name's y/n, what's yours?" The 4-year-old spoke, no longer carrying a fearful tone. The older boy rolled his eyes at how naïve and trusting the other was. He didn't bother answering, and in fact, he never said another word to Y/n for the remaining duration of the storm.

Y/n ended up falling asleep after a while from all of the chaos earlier. The silhouette eyed the child beside him before closing his own eyes and leaning his head back against the wall. Soft snoring was all that was heard by the boy, aside from the pouring rain that is. Falling into his thoughts, he began to drift off into a light, alert slumber. Well, he was until he felt a weight hit his left shoulder.

His eyes shot open as he looked to his left with a scowl upon his face. "Idiot pest." He grumbled agitatedly as he noticed Y/n had fallen asleep on his shoulder. As much as he wanted to push them off, he quite enjoyed the quiet he was now receiving. With an annoyed sigh, he closed his own eyes and drifted to his previous light sleep.

When Y/n awoke with a yawn and began to identify their surroundings, they almost screamed in fear and confusion. They jumped up and racked their brain for some sort of explanation. Wait, it was coming to them now: the mystery boy and him providing them shelter. Properly looking at their surroundings, they noticed were still in the shack; however, this time, they were alone. With a quick glance outside, the small child ran out of the shack, patting themselves down to make sure they still had their items in their pockets.

A sigh of relief escaped their lips as they felt everything there. Digging into their pockets to find their last bit of money to buy a bit of food, Y/n noticed there was a folded piece of poorly maintained paper in their pockets. With a confused hum and a head tilt, they unfolded the piece of paper and read in poor grammar and messy writing:

"You owe me, Brat."

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They blackette's face remained in a deapan expression as his own eyes locked back with Marley's "Yes, me play." He spoke emotionlessly as he hopped down from his crate, dusting himself off as he began walking closer to the group of children. A handful of yays, yippees, and downright cries of joy could be heard from the crowd of children as they gathered one more player for their game. "Okay, great. So here's what we're going to play.."

The voices blurred and faded into nothingness as the eight-year-old fell into his cunning mind, his eyes yet again landed on Y/n with his usual piercing gaze. Only difference was that this time, there was a twinge of excitement and malice, lots of malice.

God how he wanted to make them pay. A total troglodyte they were, so ignorant and easily distracted by such trivial things.

You see, Feitan never got back that favor, and he certainly wasn't one to hold back when it came to exploiting others. Especially younger, naïve children who hadn't seen nor understood just how horrific the world could be. How horrific he could make their world be.

Go ahead, call him a monster. It's such a common title for him, he might've even believed it were his own name if it hadn't been for the thread engraved onto his shirt.

Feeling eyes watching them, Y/n turned to face the newer strange boy with their head tilted in confusion. The blackette walked over to the younger child, the two of them standing at the same height. "Hello." Feitan spoke up with a small smile and a friendly wave. It certainly looked realistic and Y/n couldn't feel any malicious intent within the other boy, though if only they knew how fake that smile was. "Hey there! I'm Y/n, what's your name?" The child spoke with a close-eyed smile as they waved in return.

'Oh this was going to be fun.' The boy thought with an inward chuckle of sadism.

Feitan Portor wasn't one to forgive and forget. Hell, he came from Meteor City, the place where every good action was never from the heart but instead the manipulative portion of people's minds. No matter who or what he had to go through,

He was getting back what he owed, and he was expecting it NOW.