#that weird homoerotic friendship you had in high school

[iamtrashboatsworld]

I interrupt my usual 911 content to bring a fake cover of a comic I did forever ago that I might or might not actually make so yeahhhhhhhhhh

[alottiegoingon]

love letters

shauna shipman x fem!reader

summary: the one where reader receives love letters from jeff

warnings: jeff mentioned for plot reasons, jealousy mentions, homoerotic friendship?, shauna is reader's best friend, no crash timeline, fluff but angsty ending, not proofread

find part II here

you thought it was weird when the first thing you saw as soon as you opened your locker was a letter. you weren't exactly the most popular girl ever but you weren't a loner. you were right in the middle.

you blinked rapidly, eyes darting back and forth to the envelope of the size of your hand and to the completely empty hallway. you were the only one in there. judging by the outside, it couldn't be a warning from school or from the book club you went to. it also didn't make sense to be someone bullying you, it was too neat.

you withdrew the paper nestled inside and carefully unfolded it. it wasnt anything professional, just words meticulously written on a notebook paper. you peer through narrowed eyes, attempting to recognize the handwriting but it wasn't like you knew everyone at school so intimately to know how they wrote.

in the small piece of paper, the words "you're always pretty but today you look as stunning and vibrant as a daisy in spring. love, jeff." are written in a sleek, rounded calligraphy, each letter carefully crafted with black pen ink. you feel your heart skip a beat as you read the name signed on the bottom, not believeing your own eyes. coincidentally or not, daisies were your favorite flowers and you couldn't stop thinking about how he knew that.

jeffrey sadecki was one of the popular boys in wiskayok high. almost every girl wanted to be with him while the boys wanted to be him. you weren't one of those girls, though. you despised how all of them would humiliate themselves and change their appearance or lie about their favorite movies or bands just to get attention from the boys. nothing too girly or the boys would laugh about it but nothing too bold or you wouldn't be delicate enough.

one detail caught your attention and brought you back to reality as you were overthinking a simple letter. the way jeff had signed his name was different from the rest of the words. more angular and noticeably larger. maybe he was in a hurry or too nervous, it didn't matter. the important thing now was to tell shauna, your best friend. you slammed the locker door and hid the letter on your pocket, rushing to the wiskayok high soccer field to let her know everything.

now, in terms of knowing someone closely, shauna was at the top of your list. shauna shipman was your best friend since you were in middle school as two twelve years old with awkward music taste, bad haircuts and an embarassing fashion sense. after school, you and shauna would spend hours locked inside your bedroom talking about your celebrity crushes, make fun of the boys after their unsuccessful try to make a move on the popular girl, and devouring an entire carton of bubblegum ice cream, that shauna would always bring to you, while watching movies. shauna wasn't a huge fan of it. it was way too sweet. but it was your favorite after all.

"i think you should pick the flavor next time." you randomly spoke while the two of you were sharing a bed and watching grease from 1978.

your leg was resting against shauna's, the back of your leg gently positioned on top of her knee. it first started as a way to annoy her when you were around fifteen but then it just became a casual thing. shauna would look all tense with a tight face until she felt your warmth.

"why? it's your favorite." shauna's entire face twists in confusion. her eyes immediately fly at you but you were focused on the small tv. inside her mind, in her own little world, nothing was more important than your sudden hate towards ice cream.

"it's too childish. i don't think any other girl on her last year would pick bubblegum ice cream as her favorite." you groan, frustrated.

"that's so stupid, it's just a flavor. and, you know, i think it matches you."

her words made you curious enough to shift your attention away from one of your favorite movies. she seemed to understand your fogginess and explained herself before you could say a word.

"i mean, it's fun and colorful and free of any judgments. it is also the favorite of a lot of kids and kids are way too honest to lie about something. so if they like it, it's because it's really good.. it's unique, i think."

"wow, shauna..." you subtly nod your head in agreement, feeling touched by her words. "you can really compliment an ice cream flavour that much? "you smile as you tease her.

"just shut up and eat your ice cream. you're so annoying."

now, in senior year, pretty much nothing had changed. you would still spend the afternoons after practice with shauna as well as the weekends. shauna was also really smart and would eventually help you with math, literature or english during finals. she was pretty good at it but it didn't surprise you at all; she was always carrying a book around or that super secret journal that you swore she would write on after you fell asleep during sleepovers.

"jeff? wow... are you sure?" shauna immediately looked away from you and made herself busy, forcing her uniform into her bag, at the second she heard his name. shauna wasn't exactly very fond of him as well but she never sounded so lifeless.

"yeah, he signed his name! i guess it could be one of his friends messing around with me but the handwriting is way too pretty for someone who did it as a joke." you sigh. "and he also mentioned a daisy in the letter. that's my favorite flower, shauna!"

shauna was avoiding your eyes at all costs but, for a split second, you saw her eyebrows knit.

"wait, so you're happy with that? i thought you didn't like him." shauna sounds unbothered but you notice how she rub her hands together to brush the sweat off or how she was incessantly adjusting her shirt.

"i don't. boys are stupid." you give her a determined nod to dispel the thought away. "it's just... it feels nice to know that someone cares about me. we've never had a conversation before but somehow he knows about my favorite flower so, i mean..." your voice trails off.

you never thought of yourself as someone who was excited to date boys. the idea of going out on a friday night with a guy never made you burst with joy. you'd rather spend the night with your best friend and have your typical sleepovers or going out for movies. even watching shauna write on her out of reach journal in silence was more interesting. despite shopping together when needed, playing around with clothes by putting them on and running a fashion show, dressing up for a boy and putting makeup on wasn't your thing, whatsoever. it wasn't fun cause shauna wouldn't be there to make you laugh or roll her eyes to hide how her eyes would affectionately get lost on your figure. "i guess he must be really interested on you, then. right?" shauna looks at you for the first time that afternoon but she looks different than usual, offering a strained smile.

[💌]

the next days slipped away from your hands in a blink of an eye. surprisingly, jeff wasn't actually that bad or at least he tried to be a normal nice guy around you.

you remembered how he was actually nervous when you two exchanged a few words and he made sure to let you know that he was responsible for the letter when he asked if you had liked it with a huge cocky smile. at first, you couldn't care less, he was trying too hard. but then the letters kept coming and you finally accepted to go on a date with him.

you went out for the movies and when you felt him pulling that classic move on you by sliding his arm on top of your shoulders, you had to fight against a giggle. shauna would love to laugh at that with you later. then, you stopped by your favorite place; a small family-run dinner that had a great milkshake of your favorite flavour.

"you don't think it's way too childish to be someone's favorite?" you hear jeff's voice fill your ears while you were focused on getting the last drop of the ice cream. you look up at him with a baffled look, not paying attention to whatever he had just said.

"the ice cream. i never dated someone who liked bubblegum."

"oh. yeah..." you feel heat rise to your cheeks and out of nowhere, you began to trip over your words. "it's not my favorite. it's stupid. i was... just trying something different!"

the days turned to weeks and the weeks became months. just like that, you were walking through the hallways of wiskayok high with jeff's arm over your shoulder. you weren't sure if you liked being seen as his property or something silly like that, but a lot of girls would die to be in your place.

you weren't sure if you actually liked him. the most excited part of your date nights was to eat for free and memorize all the idiotic things he had said to gossip about it with shauna later. besides, you could rarely pick the movie or talk about your day. the name "randy walsh" was stuck on your brain thanks to how often jeff would mention him and his funny stories that would actually make you sleepy.

but, again, maybe you just had to try harder.

the letters kept coming almost everyday. and if not everyday, then at least once a week. somehow, always pretty and perfectly rounded letters with his sloppy signed name on the bottom.

[💌]

"i can't wait to read it! people are saying that it's sad but i think it's gonna be great." you were telling shauna about the new stephen king's book that had came out that week; the green mile.

"i think sad is good. people underestimate how great tragedy can be." she casually mumbles, grabbing the carton of ice cream from your desk that you would share before walking to you.

you were about to agree with her when her words cut you at the moment her eyes met the packaging.

"what's that?" she said with a deflated tone.

"ice cream?" you chuckle at her obvious question. usually she would tease you back or give you a snort. but now she decided to ignore your lighthearted words.

"no, i mean the flavor. since when do you like vanilla?" she reads the words vanilla over and over again before looking up at you.

"oh, yeah. i changed. i'm too old for bubblegum now."

"how?"

"just eat it, alright? jeff said vanilla is too boring but i think it's better than being a kid flavor, right?" you giggle, oblivious to her clear annoyance.

shauna's hands close into fists as soon as she practically smashed the carton against the desk. the loud noise made you look at her almost instantly with widen eyes.

"are you okay?" your voice sounded so low-pitched and whispered that shauna almost couldn't hear it.

"are you? we used to laugh about stupid boys and now you are suddenly changing yourself because of jeff? he barely knows how to spell the world embarrass." you notice her voice slowly getting louder.

"this is insane. it's just ice cream, shauna! you are just jealous cause he writes pretty letters for me while you stay home to your pathetic journal." you feel your blood boil as she accuses you of changing because of a fucking boy. you would never.

shauna doesn't say a word and the silence made you realize that, deep down, she was right. her eyes are staring past your soul as she feels your words hit her and it made you regret them after a second.

"i didn't mean tha-" you tried to apologize but she was faster.

"no, you know what? you're right. i spend my friday nights with my pathetic journal but at least i don't pretend to be someone i'm not just to make a boy like me." she takes a step closer and this time her voice is low and tamed. "at least i'm not weak and don't attach myself to the first person who offers just a hint of interest on me cause i'm desperate for attention."

her sharp words sink in, eating you from the inside out. she doesn't seem sorry and you don't feel bad anymore. you feel your jaw clenching and tears were welling up on your eyes while you stand up from your bed, face to face with your best friend.

"fuck you." you struggled to speak through the lump in your throat.

the room got quiet and the sorrow was almost palpable. shauna's pupils were teary, fully dilated and unusually darker, regarded with disappointment. she didn't say a word before leaving your room and shutting the door behind her.

you couldn’t think of anything while collapsing into your bed, sobbing against the pillow, other than how badly you hated vanilla ice cream.

[💌]

barely able to sleep last night, you were distracted by shauna’s words and the fact that this was the first serious fight that you two had ever shared. shauna didn’t talk much about her feelings and would let everything merge together until she was bursting out with anger or a bunch of passive aggressive comments but she was never too harsh on you.

you knew you had to apologize and fix things with her. even though her words weren’t exactly the kindest, she was just worried about you, you thought. you wondered if she liked jeff in secret and was jealous of him even if she had never mentioned him before.

you weren’t sure if she had feelings for jeff but you weren’t sure if you did. he could be a jerk sometimes and definitely too self centered but he made you feel important. he liked you enough to know your favorite food, even though he called it childish, and your favorite movies, that he thought it were too weird for a girl, and your favorite books, that he mentioned how boring they were.

yes, he was decent and overall, compared to the others, he was a nice person. but then, as you were in the bathroom getting ready this morning, you remembered that he wasn’t the first person to ever care

you remembered when shauna showed up at your door once at 3am when you couldn’t sleep, way too worried about finals, with your favorite treats and a book of hers that reminded her of you. or when she spent an entire month learning how to draw daisies because you loved them and she wanted to give you a special handmade gift. a week later, your room was filled with drawings of different sizes of your favorite flower. there was even a small piece taped to the wall of your bathroom right next to the mirror.

then, it occurred to you that, once while watching romeo and juliet late at night, you mentioned how much you loved romantic gestures like receiving letters from the person you loved and shauna mocked you but then, two weeks later, you received one. it was a weird coincidence but it was there, right in front of your eyes.

you were feeling like complete shit when you stopped by your locker, already regretting leaving your bed this morning. you flinch as you see jeff magically appearing behind the small metal door with a huge creepy smile and a small bag in hands.

“i got something for you.” were the words he said before handing you the content from inside the paper bag. you weren’t expecting anything and definitely not after the shitty night you had. you were determined to break up with him but the idea of it vanished as you took a first glance at what your new gift was.

the new stephen king’s book, the green mile, right under your nose. your jaw was almost hitting the floor thanks to the beautiful cover.

“jeff… this is amazing! i’ve been wanting to read this since last week and i couldn’t find it anywhere. thank you!” you had to force your words out, too stunned to speak properly. looking away from the book, you saw how he looked genuinely happy with your reaction.

“it was nothing. i just like paying attention to my girl.” you ignored the smug tone and focused on the book.

jeff didn’t wait any longer for you to finish your appreciation moment and pulled in for a kiss, tightly holding onto your waist. he hugged you right after and while you were resting your head on his shoulder, he was looking at shauna right behind you two.

greeting her from a distance with a satisfied and arrogant grin was his way of saying thank you. shauna resentfully nodded and ignored the feeling of drowning in her own emotions as she watched you leave with his arm around your waist.

quickly, she placed the receipt from the bookstore in her backpack along with her notebook and favorite writing pen before disappearing into the crowded hallway.

[nataliescatorccioapologist]

What I think each Yellowjackets character’s Letterboxd top 4 would be

*I’m including movies past the 90s even though some of these characters didn’t live long enough to see them*

Natalie

I think Nat is a huge horror movie fan (specifically 80s slasher and demonic possession) and loves edgy gothic vibes. I also think she would love some artsy indie movies about sex and challenging gender roles (and just some cool action movies with hot badass women).

Honorable mentions go to The Craft and Kill Bill

Misty

We all know Misty is a theater kid. She loves musicals and I think girlie is definitely singing Sweeney Todd and Phantom of the Opera songs to herself 24/7. And I feel like I don’t even need to explain the Steel Magnolias inclusion, she had that monologue memorized like it was imprinted on her soul.

Honorable mentions go to Hairspray and Hamilton

Jackie

I know Jackie loves a good chick flick, particularly those with homoerotic subtexts. I think, if she had gotten to live long enough to start coming to terms with her sexuality, But I’m a Cheerleader would definitely be her gay awakening. And then Bottoms once she’s tip-toed out of the closet a little bit more (RIP Jackie Taylor you would have LOVED Bottoms). And of course, I had to add Beaches because of the “Are you quoting Beaches at me right now?” line, and also because I think Jackie would watch it and shed a secret tear because it makes her think of her and Shauna.

Honorable mentions go to Uptown Girls and Heathers

Van

Van would definitely refuse to watch anything past the 90s. She loves comedy classics and queer staples. I know Van quotes The Godfather in the full Italian accent constantly (especially around Nat to piss her off) and she’s watched The Princess Bride an ungodly amount of times and knows pretty much every line (Buttercup was her queer awakening).

Shauna

Like Jackie, Shauna love movies about intense (homoerotic) friendships. I know she relates to Needy in Jennifer’s Body living in Jennifer’s (Jackie’s) shadow and resenting her for it but also being so obsessed and intertwined with her; and she also just loves the visuals and its satire on female exploitation. Shauna maybe relates to and roots for Pearl a little too much, she loves a movie about a woman desperate for recognition and teetering on the edge of insanity while maintaining a sweet and innocent facade. Also I can see adult Shauna in particular just being charmed by Little Women (partly because of the love triangle but mostly because of the womanhood and female friendship themes).

Honorable mentions go to Juno and Scream

Also side note: I feel like Shauna would love Daria, but it’s a TV show so I didn’t include it.

Laura Lee

Laura Lee loves uplifting and wholesome movies. I can see her shamelessly liking kid’s movies well into adulthood. She likes movies centered around helping people in need like The Rescuers or going through hardship and discovering faith like Soul Surfer. Girl is religious-religious so her favorites are definitely going to be centered around faith and Christianity. But she also just likes a simple feel-good film; the cheesiest, sappiest movies you can imagine.

Lottie

Okay Lottie was hard to pinpoint but I’m pretty sure she would like angsty, artsy shit. Like, in high school, she would pretend to love chick flicks like the rest of her classmates but when she gets home she’s putting on the darkest and most depressing weird girl movie you’ve ever seen. I think she likes Suspiria for the occult themes, the otherworldly feeling of it, and eccentricities of the main character who never knows what’s real and what’s not, which she relates to. I think she likes some mental illness movies like Donnie Darko because of her diagnosis and upbringing and The Virgin Suicides because she’s lonely and feels overly-controlled by her parents. And Amelie because she once again relates to the loneliness and likes that the main character discovers her gift for helping people. I think Lottie would prioritize good cinematography and visuals in movies, too.

I don’t think Lottie would really watch movies as an adult because she would be too busy running a cult and disconnecting from society, which is why these picks are centered around Teen Lottie.

-

I couldn’t think of what Tai would like! She is a mystery to me. I can see her maybe liking something like Whiplash because she is super driven and ambitious and kind of tortures herself for success? But idk. Please comment or repost with what you think her’s would be!

[thecommunityoftrustworthysinks]

look yes gojo satoru never got over his high school ex/crush/friend but listen

i still think about the person i had a weird homoerotic friendship with in high school that ended kinda poorly at age 17 and she didn’t even kill her parents and a village with me being her future executioner

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN A GAY TEENAGER IN THE 2000s……

[starlight-lesbians]

Did Greaseball approach Dinah when they first met or did Dinah? I imagine they snuck glances at each other from their respective drive-thrus before they ever actually spoke to the other.

Definitely Greaseball, Dinah starts out hellaaaa shy and nervous about interacting with anyone, especially the hot girl that keeps Looking at her (she’s also really in the closet lol). Important that I’m starting this when they’re 16 and 17, so they’re still in high school at the beginning

Dinah in this au has hella strict parents that are like the train universe’s equivalent of hardcore evangelicals, so babygirl is Repressed beyond any comprehension of the word. She’s firmly in that “really involved ally” phase before coming out

Greasy’s parents are really hands off so she’s just kind of building her own perceptions about life n all, and as a consequence she is not even a little in the closet. She gives zero shits and no one questions her because she punches Hard.

GB probably clocks Dinah pretty quickly, but she knows better (shockingly) than to just assume she’s out, so it’s definitely a lot of plausible deniability flirting for a while, maybe even until Dinah graduates and moves out to the local community college (she had to fightttt to live on campus, her parents wanted her to stay at home and she was nawt having it)

She’s still working at the cafe and GB is still at the taco bell, which means now the plausible deniability flirting and offers of joints behind the dumpsters kind of slowly becomes more? Because now Dinah is working through her shit and doesn’t balk when Greaseball tells her she’s pretty

Idk I feel like they actually take a year or two of weird homoerotic girl friendship before they actually take the step towards a real relationship. Lots of “How did you know you were a lesbian?” questions, Dinah knows she is really, but the confirmation that she isn’t insane helps

sorry this got sooo deep but im thinkin about them idk

[shinobicyrus]

Old Bad Movies I Enjoyed Recently (And So Can You!)

TUFF TURF (1985) I am torn about Tuff Turf, because this short movie is confused in tone, bouncing between badly written romance, teen shenanigans like crashing the buffet tables of country clubs, rad rock concerts, and...oh... intimate partner violence and attempted murder. James Spader is a bicycle vigilante rocker who gets on the bad side of his new school's local bully/gang leader. Things do not improve when Spader also decides that he simply must charm said gang leader's girlfriend. What tension!

Honestly, the only reason this movie sticks with me is the presence of a young Robert Downey Jr, who is, I apologize to say, fucking hot. He plays the drums at a rock concert shirtless using handcuffs as belts for his leather pants. Look it up. Rather than the main romance, the more interesting chemistry is the friendship of RDJ's and Spader's characters (insert Ultron fanfic joke here), which borders on the intensely homoerotic. Really, Tuff Turf makes me yearn for a more interesting film that would have removed the "fighting over a girl" element of the story and just had RDJ and Spader as rad rocker/vigilante boyfriends partners.

IRON EAGLE (1986) This movie about fighter jets actually predates Top Gun by a few months - only instead of Tom Cruise and very heterosexual volleyball matches it's about a group of military brats living on a US Military base. The main character's dad is a pilot who was shot down over a non-specific (but definitely evil) Middle Eastern country, but since the mean adults don't want to do anything, it's up to the kids to steal an F-16 fighter jet and rescue him! This film is only the Purest 80s Reagan Americana where you get to see classic Teen Movie shenanigans evolve into "and then the main character committed war crimes."

A ridiculous, awful film. Did this movie change my life? Possibly.

AMERICA 3000 (1986) A strange, weird, absurd film set in the post apocalypse, where nuclear war has set humans back to the stone age and Amazon women rule over (mostly) intellectually inferior men. My friends and I couldn't decide whether the slang they invented and used copiously in this film was annoying or not. Hilariously, it being in the 80s, the dumbest thing about this whole film is that despite the tyrannical Amazons hating men and only reluctantly using them for breeding, this film also stubbornly refuses to acknowledge even a hint of the existence of homosexuality. Which is probably a blessing, to be honest.

I found it tolerably bizarre enough to watch. Once. Your results may vary.

HACKERS (1995) We now jump into the 90s, and have you heard of these new-fangled things called computers? Standing out as one of Angelie Jolie's earliest movies and a real breakout role for her (it's also where she meets her future ex-husband, Johnny Lee Miller - who most people on this site will recognize as Sherlock Holmes in Elementary). The movie is essentially about a group of high-school hackers with ridiculous handles who run afoul of a corporate conspiracy, are framed, and must dodge the Secret Service while trying to clear their names. But the plot doesn't really matter all that much. What makes this movie shine is the dialogue, the characters, the costumes, and the✨ vibes ✨. This movie is a cult classic for a reason, and the queer coding of all the hackers is undeniable to a modern audience.

It's not a good movie, but its imperfections are what make it so strange, hilarious, and unique. I felt the oddest sense of nostalgia watching this movie, despite the fact that the bizarre pseudo-futuristic world it depicts never actually existed. It made such an impression that I instantly acquired a physical copy of Hackers after my first viewing of it. Hack the Planet!

Space Truckers (1996) To round us off we have Dennis Hopper starring in this film with surprisingly good production values (for the time) failing utterly at everything it attempts to do. Ostensibly about down-to-earth (ha) blue collar space truckers just trying to make an honest living hauling goods across a solar system being increasingly corporatized and hostile to independent workers.

Throw in an evil corporation, space pirates, and a plot to overthrow earth's government with night-unstoppable killer robots, and you have all the elements for what could be a decent movie, but none of them really mesh and are soured by some pretty uncomfortable "romance" elements that have not aged well.

It's a movie that fails in so many ways, but it is at least interesting in its attempt. The people who made Space Truckers took a risk, and in this age of constant sequels and reboots even a failure like this feels...refreshing.

[officialpenisenvy]

homoerotic friendship anon back just to say: we also jerked off on the same bed before and I used to make him kneel and tie my shoelaces, and I’d often step on his crotch and say “thanks dad” which I didn’t think was weird at the time but now I see I was just obviously trying to awaken this dudes predatory instincts just every day at class casually. He’d like, go on rants about how perfect we were for each other but how I was more of his spiritual guide than partner (??). My favourite joke is telling people he’s like a brother to me. I’m a big picky eater and I would give him my food to eat all the bits I didn’t like before I had the rest. He got a boyfriend that looked eerily like me, to the point the dude himself noticed. I also had a crush on my literature teacher and he used to put my blazer on for me and make me bend over so he could use my back as a table to sign stuff cause he knew I had a crush on him. And I had to call him sir cause boarding school. What a dream

god i love gay guys this is bringing me back to my high school kink malpractice community. love the sentence "i was trying to awaken this guy's predatory instincts" like me and you both brother!!

[echoland]

in high school i literally led on everyone and their mother and somehow only been in like 2 triangle situations storytimeeeee of one

ok in freshman year i befriended this girl and we had a homoerotic friendship that i had no intention of developing but she expressed clear interest in me and was insistent for my recognition of that even after i rejected her. like she was weird ab it too one time she hooked her leg to me in the middle of the school corridor HELLO? cut to like a month later i was in a friend group w 2 guys and with one of them we'd always flirt but nothing too srs altho I kinda liked him N he confessed that he liked me 2 during that period. anyways days later this girl told me that she likes him can i perhaps help. and I was like um OK sure (lying) and literally the first day after me agreeing bro pushes me to a chair flirtily(??) right in front of her salad and she comes to me like i did not understand your behavior. and im like obviously she cant know I have a thing for him and also I did not do anything so I just say that. she btw is messaging me about him constantly and one day he picks up my phone and types his name on the app and before I register what's happening BOOM literally the most lewd text message you can imagine comes up and I remember literally sitting in silence for an hour..... so she is kind of out of the #game. anyway he comes over && we watch a freaky movie one day and the next day i literally blurt that out again in front of her salad. anyway fast forward I turn him down after he asks if i can give him a blowjob or something HELLO???? so nothing comes out of this fucked up triangle hope you enjoyed

[0pal333]

List 5 facts about a favorite sim of yours, and send this to 10 simblrs whose sims you adore ♥♥♥

I'm just now seeing this ! Thank you! I chose to do Abishek today!

Abishek Romany Bahktar - 21

Is the middle child (suffered severely from Middle child syndrome) older sister Pia (33) and younger sister Sury (17)

Is decent of russian, indian & kazahkstan heritage

He was outed (Bisexual King) to his parents Sophomore year of High School by an old friend who he had a weird homoerotic friendship with for about 3 years, has a strained relationship with his parents and older sister because of it.

Falls in love easily and very easy to con (Has been catfished multiples times, still going)

Is a drummer in the band Posie555 with Posie as lead singer and guitarist, was in marching band for 8 years loves playing the drums but he also wants to become an architect (victim of lego addiction) Thank you so much for the ask I'm so sorry it took me literally 50 years!

[ropebunnykant]

‘ever realised one of your friends is a terrible person’ SPILL

if i were to spill completely, we’d be here all week because this has happened to me on MULTIPLE occasions, but i’ll give a brief rundown of The Big Three as i’ve come to call them

-the toxic codependent homoerotic adolescent girl friendship is basically a trope at this point, but i had one of those and she was like. a genuinely awful and terrible person. i met her in like kindergarten and dealt with her bullying/manipulation/abuse until like eighth grade when i finally dropped her. they reached out to me in like my senior year of high school to apologize and explain themselves and i have forgiven them and we follow each other on social media and stuff now. they’ve grown and learned since then, they were a kid in a really shitty and abusive home so like i get why they were the way they were - especially cause their parents did some insane shit to my family as well which was a whole thing. but still they Were shitty and awful to me and there’s not an excuse for that, so i doubt i’d ever be able to be real friends with them again, so we stick to liking each others posts occasionally on insta

-had a friend from fourth grade until my sophomore year of high school who just completely ghosted me and the rest of our friend group after they got really depressed and stopped coming to school. and here’s the thing, i obviously know how bad mental illness can get and we all were really sympathetic and worried for a long time. when i tell you it took a year for this friendship breakup to happen because we were all really forgiving and trying to be there and understand what was going on with them, i mean that. we had multiple interventions, multiple attempts at getting them to talk to us. meanwhile they were also constantly posting on their twitter and communicating with their online friends but couldn’t send a single response to our pages of texts asking if they were alright. there was one time when one of us texted them to check in and then they SHITTALKED HIM ON THEIR TWITTER like lmao?? he was trying to be a good friend?? one time we showed up at their house to drop off something and try to invite them to see a movie with us that weekend and they HELD THEIR DOOR SHUT so their mom couldn’t open it and let us in. and they were also REALLY WEIRD AND FETISHISTIC of our trans friend when they were around. like “uwu smoll bean” levels of weird

-friends with her from fifth grade until literally this past summer, but she was just genuinely a horrible friend and person for so long and it took me so long to finally cut her off cause i didn’t wanna risk losing the rest of my friends but they all had issues with her too lmao. she always seemed to target my insecurities and make me feel shitty about things she knew i already felt bad about. and she was also a huge hypocrite, insanely self centered, and also weirdly mean and judgmental?? like she had the weirdest shit to say about the queer community despite BEING queer herself and i was always like ??? girl what. and her victim complex was fucking crazy, she somehow managed to make three of her closest friends telling her she had been a shitty friend and should probably be better about that into us saying all that cause she’s black. like girl in what world does me pointing out that you’re really weird about my mental health and are acting like a hypocrite have to do with racism. what does you inviting our friend to visit you and then nearly abandoning him to go to a party bc he doesn’t like them and also pressuring him to drink after he told you he doesn’t want to have to do with racism. answer quickly.

[ilikemanythingsespeciallyyou]

Losing touch with a mutual you used to be very close with is so weird. Like you’ll reblog something thinking about them and they’ll reblog it from you. Imagine being able to read the diary of the person you had a homoerotic high school friendship with and you see a photocopy of a passage of your diary… She might see this.

[alottiegoingon]

love letters part II

shauna shipman x fem!reader

summary: the one where reader finds the truth about shauna's feelings.

warnings: r dates jeff, jealousy, homoerotic friendship, shauna is reader's best friend, no crash, shauna doesn't know how to talk about her feelings, angsty first, short but with a happy ending cause i dont wanna get murdered, not proofread

this is the second part of a fic i wrote weeks ago that can be found here

you came to the conclusion that refraining yourself from speaking to shauna for a few days couldn't be so difficult. there were plenty of other people to talk in wiskayok high after all.

of course, these people weren't shauna. they didn't wear flannels or either would bring your favorite ice cream flavor after school to feast on while watching a dumb movie or to use it as a background for your incessant conversation.

you would be just fine. you had jeff, your boyfriend.

"you are doing much better without her, babe." jeff was impatiently waiting for you to grab your books from your locker to put his hands on you, as if you were a important prize to show others. you thought it was cute the first time it happened, when he was so anxious to have his dirty hands on your waist to show his new possession. now it just pissed you off.

"look. i know she was your friend," jeff stops walking, not satisfied with your silence and feeling even worse about you not agreeing with him. "but that chick was hella weird. we have classes together and to this day, i don't even know the sound of her voice." he seems to finds his own way of talking about your best friend amusing as he snorts to himself.

he's too entertained to notice you looking at him dead in the eyes. yes, shauna was quiet and she didn't talk much but because she was observant. loud and clear, shana had called you desperate for attention two days ago. if anyone had the right to talk shit about her, this someone was you.

"come on, don't be so serious. it was a joke!" jeff hurriedly defends himself as you storm off, the sound of the locker door slamming reverberating in the corridor. "are you still coming to the party tonight?" his voice draws attention from other students passing through the hallway.

your dilemma on how to ignore shauna was quickly resolved, though not exactly in the way you anticipated. escaping from jeff's presence, the world around you seemed to halt as you caught sight of Shauna walking in the opposite direction. clad in her signature flannels, her dark hair tied back in a loose ponytail, her doe eyes were even more prominent.

meanwhile, as the world around you seemed to freeze in time, you thought about waving or greeting her with a faint smile. despite the exchange of heated words between you two, fueled by anger, you knew deep down none of it was genuine. none of that was real. she was still your best friend.

the time was up and you had to do something but she was faster and chose for the both of you. shauna did nothing. she ignored you. abruptly breaking the eye contact as fast as she could as if you were some kind of deathly disease.

things didn’t get any better after that.

you met her again when leaving the bathroom after lunch. getting out of the stall, you were petrified to see her right in front of you washing her hands. you knew she had seen you through the mirror thanks to the way she quickly looked away and never bothered to face the mirror again.

it took you a minute to realize that she wasn’t worried or upset. she was her casual self, calm and composed while you were overthinking every step of her. washing your hands by her side, you try to initiate at least a small interaction, facing her with the corner of your eyes, but she didn’t seem to notice.

you see her drying her hands and getting ready to leave the bathroom, so you quickly wipe your wet hands on your pants to follow her.

“hi, shauna, can we-“ you mutter quietly as you reach for her wrist, but she’s quicker, and in an instant, she darts out, leaving the door to close in your face.

off to a good start.

[💌]

it wasn’t until when you saw yourself wearing more pink clothes than usual because jeff wanted you to look like the stereotypical feminine standard, or reading less because you spent too much time lost in your imagination, that you found out that shauna was right.

you had changed. and worse, for a guy.

you would never put your favorite book aside just because your boyfriend told you so or find new movies to like because the ones you liked were too “manly”.

you couldn't escape the vision of shauna laughing and jeering in your mind. she had tried to warn you, but your defensive response only made things worse, and the worry of ruining your friendship with her kept you up at night

[💌]

“no, babe, hear me out.” jeff has his arm around you hanging over your shoulder and mouth full of french fries with eyes glued on tv, barely making any sense out of his words. “you gotta get rid of it. it’s pointless to keep this, shauna doesn’t care anymore.”

you thought you liked jeff for many reasons. he was good with his words, even though the letters stopped coming, he was decent at football, treated you well, even if not paying attention to everything you said, and your parents liked him. but you didn’t like him for his empathy.

jeff had given you a ride after school and bought food for you. now, sitting in the couch, he was doing an awful job at pretending to listen to you talk about how badly you missed your best friend. you mentioned that shauna was the one who gave you an adorable stuffed bear for your birthday three years ago, the one you were always holding onto lately, when you were obsessed with watching nature documentaries.

“i can’t get rid of it, jeff. it’s cruel.” you roll your eyes, irritated at his idea of solving problems.

“it’s just a plushie for babies. i can give you a new one.”

disregarding the sound of your boyfriend's voice, now more irritating than ever, you dash from the couch with the stuffed bear in hands. finally emerging from his TV daze, he gazes up at you, his brows knit in confusion.

“you’re not liking the movie?” jeff asks, oblivious of the thing that was actually making you go crazy. you couldn’t care any less about the movie when shauna was mad.

“i’m going to shauna’s. i need to tell her that i’m sorry.”

“what? now? i just got here.” jeff eyes widen and you notice how he looks like he’s panicking over your words.

“great. so you know the way out, right?”

[💌]

when you knocked on the door, shauna's mom greeted you with a big smile and let you in. no questions asked. this made you think that shauna hadn't spoken to her parents yet and you didn't expect her to, anyway. she rarely shared her feelings with anyone who wasn't constantly reassuring her.

what truly caught you off guard was her absence. you'd understand if it were a friday night, but on a school day? what if she'd made new friends? found a new best friend? a boyfriend or girlfriend? it didn't matter to you. shauna wasn't yours to control. you weren't upset in the slightest. even if the physical pain in your chest, as if your heart was being crushed, was undeniably there.

you knew the way to the attic. her bedroom looked just as it always did. the large 'reality bites' poster still dominated the wall, a messy pile of books lay on her bed, and clothes were draped over the small armchair near her bed. the only noticeable difference was the stack of new notebooks on her shelf.

as you headed towards her bed to wait for her, you tripped over a cardboard box that clearly wasn't there before; you knew her room inside out. cursing under your breath, you dragged the box closer to the bed and sat down to see what was inside.

inside the box were numerous papers and envelopes. you plunged your hand into the mess and picked one out, curiosity piqued. your brow furrowed as you recognized the content from past letters you had received. you grabbed another, and then another. each was handwritten by shauna, with a space left blank for a signature.

jeff's signature.

panic sets in. your heart skips a beat. soon, shauna's bed was covered in a sea of letters that you've desperately read. everything clicked into place. jeff's name didn't match the rest of the handwriting because he wasn't the author. your best friend was.

"what are you doing?" shauna's familiar voice echoed in the room, pulling your gaze to her figure at the door. she didn't have the same unbothered demeanor as she did at school; now, she appeared frightened. her attempt at a low, threatening tone faltered, and all you could see was a scared looking kid in her eyes.

"what is this?" you countered, holding a piece of paper between your fingers as you rose from her bed. extending it toward shauna, you expected her to defend herself, but she remained unfazed. she didn't even need to look; she knew exactly what it was.

"It's nothing," she said sharply, swiping the letter from your fingers without bothering to look at it. "this is private. since when do you think it's okay to snoop through my belongings without asking?"

"since when it's okay for you to lie to me?" silence. she doesn't say a word.

"you acted so weirdly when i told you about jeff and i thought you were just jealous but you already knew about them cause you wrote all of this!"

"no, i..." her voice dwindled, grappling for words. you observed her eyes soften and become watery, yet somehow, there was still a lingering anger buried in there.

"what? you thought it would be fun to mock me? i thought we were friends!"

"we are! it's complicated you don't understand!"

"and whose fault is that?" your voice, previously charged with annoyance, gradually regains its usual composure as memories of the last heated argument flood back. you had come here to mend things, but how exactly were you supposed to do that now?

"jeff asked me to help him. he didn't know how to talk to you and we had a class in common and-"

"oh my god, shauna!" you groaned, hands instinctively rising to cover your eyes briefly in frustration. "and you just decided everything for me? like i was some type of character in your journal that you could decide its faith?"

"I had to! do you know how incredibly annoying it is to think about you every single day?" it was her turn to raise her voice now. her expression was a tumult of emotions—anger, sadness, desperation, fear. her face flushed with emotion, nostrils flared and cheeks tinged red. "maybe if you had a boyfriend, everything would stop!" she yelled, finally releasing her pent-up feelings.

her words brought you to a halt. there was nothing left to say. your expression of disappointment turned into an empty canvas, nothing but a void where words failed to form, and, for shauna, this was worse than seeing you sad. she couldn't read you.

"what do you mean?"

"you still don't get it, do you?" shauna's sigh was heavy as she approached, flinging the letter onto the bed. "why do you think i wrote all that? i couldn't stand the idea of jeff's disgusting hands all over you, but it was the only way i could make this horrible feeling to stop!" her voice cracked, a mix of whining and huskiness, tears trailing down her cheeks. it was hard to discern whether it was anger, sadness, or perhaps even relief.

"shauna..." your voice came out in a soft murmur, barely audible. "do you-"

"have feelings for you?" she cut in, taking a deep, shaky breath amidst her tears. "do you usually write love letters for your friends if you don't have feelings for them?"

with her words preempting any possible questions, a bunch of thoughts raced through your mind in the span of a single heartbeat. shauna had feelings for you and she wasn't the only one. the ache of separation even during just a week without talking, the tender and way too friendly gestures like legs entwined while watching movies, how she truly adored you, evident in the small details like bringing you your favorite ice cream even if she hated it, were insignificant to some but meant everything to you.

despite all odds and against shauna's every expectation, you seize her by the collar of her flannel shirt, drawing her closer until your foreheads touch. "don't you ever make me kiss jeff again just so you can hide your feelings and avoid me," you whisper, your gaze shifting between her dark eyes and rosy lips.

setting aside her initial shock, shauna's hands, shaky and unsure, eventually settle on your waist, holding you close as if afraid you might slip away. "it's a deal. was it that bad?" she giggles through tears and the quite silly and adorable view makes you smile.

with one hand firmly gripping her shirt to keep her close, you use the other to gently reach up to her face, wiping a tear from her cheek with your thumb. "you really have no idea," you chuckle softly before closing the gap between you entirely and pressing your lips against hers.

[scarlet-rosepetals]

I see posts all the time about “the toxic homoerotic friendship you had in high school” and I always feel weird about them because 1. I definitely had more than one of those and 2. I definitely experienced that shit post-high school, so I’m making my First Ever Poll to determine if I’m just the odd one out here. So

[selkielore]

ok here they are: top 11 books I read in 2022 (because I couldn't get it down to just 10 lol)

Fiction:

The Idiot & Either / Or by Elif Batuman

The Idiot and Either / Or are a literary fiction Duo that follows our protagonist Selin, through her first year at Harvard University in the 90’s and her unusual first love with a boy from her Russian class. I read this book directly after finishing my first year of university, as I was falling in love with a boy for the first time in my life. It was a very timely read. I related completely to Selin, in navigating what it means to be a young adult finding your place away from home for the first time, falling in love with a boy for the first time. The prose is so simple, elegant, and intelligently funny. Selin is painfully human, and I came out of these books feeling like I’d gained a friend. 

Paul Takes the Form of a Mortal Girl by Andrea Lawlor 

Literally so much fun. 90’s American shapeshifting gender fluid road trip romp. Paul, our titular character, is a university student who can shapeshift and he uses this to have as much gay sex as possible. Written by a nonbinary author and explores gender in such a playful loving way. Should be considered a queer modern classic. 

The World Cannot Give by Tara Isabella Burton

This is a high school campus novel set at a prestigious boarding school in Maine about a culty school choir and it’s charismatic leader. I loved this book, it reminded me so much of myself as a young queer teenager trying to find myself. There’s that anguished longing to fit in, to be closer to that girl you have a weird homoerotic friendship with, to make life into a story worth living. When I was 15 I thought everything had to mean something, or life was pointless, and this book perfectly captures that feeling and the adult realization that just because life doesn’t actually have a meaning, that doesn’t mean it’s not beautiful and worth living. (You have to create your own meaning)

Classics:

Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte 

THEEEEE I heart doomed relationship book of all time. Gothic romance, listlessly wandering moors, the careless cruelty of codependency. A classic for good reason and probably one of my favorite books I’ve ever read. Everything reminds me of Wuthering Heights now. Just so full of intense emotion, grief and desire and love wrapped up in a delicious toxic cocktail of victorian prose.

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

My first Austen! I really only started reading classics last year and Pride and Prejudice is such a treasure. Funny, intelligent, romantic, and easily stands the test of time. Something about the regency era and the propriety and longing is so delicious even as a modern reader. 

The Odyssey by Homer tr Emily Wilson

I honestly thought I would be reading the odyssey in a way that was more about understanding references to the odyssey and it’s cultural significance, but the Emily Wilson translation was so wonderful and accessible that I enjoyed the story itself immensely. Everyone knows what the odyssey is about so I’m not going to do a blurb, but just say that Emily Wilson is such an incredible translator. She made an ancient text feel new, vibrant, and relevant for a modern reader. Absolutely incredible and I can’t wait for her translation of the Iliad this fall. (Obviously Telemachus was my favorite character)

Eros The Bittersweet by Anne Carson 

I read this directly after a breakup, Anne Carson’s first publication on the Ancient Greek conception of love and desire. Carson just has such a brilliant way of making ancient ideas feel entirely modern and human. She reminds me of what I love about classics: that people have always been people. In this case eros is about having the same experiences of love and desire. It made me think a lot about the power that desire and romance hold, and how so much of it is in reaching for what is unattainable. Absolutely stunning. Anne Carson will forever be my intellectual icon.

Memoirs:

Abandon Me & Girlhood by Melissa Febos

Reading these memoirs made me feel like I was reading my own diary. Melissa Febos portrays adolescence as a young queer woman so clearly in Girlhood, and Abandon Me obviously talks about fear of abandonment in her relationships and explored where it came from and where it took her. Her voice is so passionate, clear, and sensitive. I feel like I learned a lot about myself and the world in reading her work. 

Crying in H mart by Michelle Zauner 

Such a beautiful book on grief and young adulthood. I was a fan of Japanese Breakfast before I read this book but it just made me such a huge fan of Michelle Zauner. She handles her complicated relationship with her mother and her death with such tenderness, humor, and generosity. A treasure to read & made me cry multiple times. I gifted my annotated copy to my mother, who lost her mother in her early 30’s, for her birthday.

also literally the end of march 2023 but um. like if you want my top books of 2022 list because I never actually did that roundup oops. and I read 72 books!!

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

4. If Charlie was told about vamps and wolves and so on by his totally-normal-BFF-no-gay-here-we-swear-this-is-rural-America-in-2006 billie black, either at some point before or after the cullens arrive, but definitely before his daughter turns up, how do things change? Does he lay down the law to the vamps as well? Stop Bella from going to that school and send her to her sorta stepbrothers school? Tell her edwards got a sexual assault rap sheet so she stops sighing after the leech?

... I mean, that one I do believe. Billy and Charlie do seem to be just very good friends. Male friendship that isn't secretly homoerotic is a thing.

That said, it sounds like you want to write the fic, so you should write the fic.

I guarantee, my answer below will disappoint you.

Why Didn't Billy Do This?

Jacob wasn't supposed to talk about tribal legends with outsiders. And for good reason at that.

The tribe is a distinct community that has history and the last thing they need is to tell the white people the town over that they believe their town doctor is a witch. They're already outsiders, who live seperately, and have limited interaction with the town of Forks. The people there would never believe them and it would just make things very tense and potentially violent.

The Billy can do, and what he does do, is tell Charlie that he really really really doesn't like the Cullens and that the tribe will NEVER go to that hospital. And Charlie just wonders what the fuck is up with Billy until, well, he runs into Bella in Breaking Dawn. Then I imagine he and Billy just stare at each other in mutual understanding of the Cullens being something out of a horror film. Maybe.

But Alright, Billy Gets Drunk

Billy gets drunk and decides that Charlie really really really needs to know. Now, personally, I would place this after Twilight when Billy has already learned Edward is preying on Bella and has tried to implicitly warn her off (and Bella in her teenage wisdom ignored him and said "I totally know what I'm doing. Wink wink."

There Billy has very large incentive to tell Charlie that he really thinks Edward Cullen is dangerous. Perhaps not necessarily... bad... but it's in a scorpion's nature to sting. He is not safe for Charlie's daughter and will ultimately want nothing good for her.

Before that point...

It'd just be weird rumors that Charlie has already proved very resistant to. Twilight we have Charlie telling Bella that he and Billy have had this fight and he doesn't see what the problem is. Dr. Cullen is a great addition to the community, his kids never get into trouble, and they're disgustingly wholesome and do things like hiking on sunny days.

Why would Billy have an issue with these random people who moved here?

What Happens?

Charlie thinks Billy is drunk and doesn't believe him. He didn't in canon when Billy's warnings were far more enigmatic and mild. The idea that Dr. Cullen is secretly a vampire, but not actually eating anyone, but might at any moment is bizarre.

They may look a little strange, but Charlie has no reason to think they're some kind of family of demons. Especially when, at that time, no one in the town of Forks or nearby areas is disappearing yet (that doesn't come until later and primarily after the Cullens have left the area).

So, Bella goes to Forks High School, and Charlie completely dismisses Billy's warnings. Twilight happens completely unchanged.

[stories-n-things]

For some reason I always imagined that for that year they were in middle school Tamaki and Kyoya had the quintessential like “repressed homoerotic childhood friendship” that people write poems about but Kyoya would never realize this until he’s like, at Harvard in Boston explaining it to someone like

Kyoya: when we were in middle school Tamaki’s hand were always cold because he never wore gloves and I always had to warm them up in my hands or with my breath and I always thought it was funny that he never got gloves you know, wouldn’t it be easier? I remember when we came here for the last year of high school and I saw he had gloves, I felt, I don’t know, nostalgia? loss? It was so weird

the hapless Harvard Student who asked: ??? did you, like, want to right a poem about it?

Kyoya: No, Tamaki was just like that when we were that age. Whenever we went swimming at the beach he got sand in his hair and he’d always complain until I brushed it out before he claimed he didn’t do a good job, but like, it happened so often he could have learned to do it better. Did he just want me to brush his hair? Anyway, lol, once he actually started dating someone he learned to do it himself so I guess it wasn’t that big of a deal

his classmate:

And it takes multiple instances of Kyoya talking about like how Tamaki used to give him hand and foot massages but now only does shoulder ones and how Tamaki would get sunburned and Kyoya would have to rub aloe vera on his shoulders and Tamaki would blush because of his idiocy and at some point someone just hands Kyoya one of those yearning poems about intricate rituals and he’s like oh oh wow. And has an existential crisis about it