#that we were agreed and at some point the cats were only mine and ive done everything for them and i still lose them

[lynxalon]

have to rehome the cats :(

[fedorahead]

ok i originally posted this on facebook but imma overshare here too

hi my name is z yes the letter and i like vampires and pirates and movies about magic and cats

i hate nightmare before christmas because clay mation is weird but i really like wallace and gromit and other stuff aardman makes

i have 2 tattoos of a sun and a cloud on my knees and the cloud knee was aching real bad today because of the weather

i have naturally strawberry blonde hair but when i'm depressed and malnourished it turns brown. i usually dye it auburn but this most recent red was supposed to be black

my favourite animal is a dragon THEYRE NOT IMAGINARY THEY'RE EXTINCT and i also like goats and crows and cats

i collect fashion dolls like fashion polly and sometimes i'll buy a barbie if i like her outfit and i have one rainbow high doll too and i love her

i sew but i am usually too depressed to start and always too adhd to finish

i am diagnosed with adhd which is why i can be so rAnDuMm! but i am also a millenial and we were all like that. i also think i'm autistic and no i can't afford the assessment but everyone who's met me pretty much agrees.

i spent a long time behaving how people want me to, i'm real good at guessing that and adapting to it, and it was crushing my soul and i only did it because any form of social rejection feels like being in life threatening danger to my brain which was comppunded by spending years in extremely abusive situations and online in social circles where rejection could lead to your livelihood and maybe even your life being interrupted making me keep feeling like my fears were more and more valid and real until every part of me that made peiple visibly uncomfortable was cut away and i was charming, clever, and expressed emotions in socially appropriate ways like being mean or asking as many people as possible for their opinion on something before forming mine even though when i actually would then express that stance nobody would back me up becaus people arent honest avout their intentions or expectations which leads to those of us with a strong sense of justice standing up for causes the people who set us at them don't even really believe in

i spent most of my life stuck in this zone of knowing that whatever makes me me leads to isolation and social rejection whcih in turn is dangerous to my physical abd mental health and wellbeing and every hint of rejection sent off cascades of cortisol and adrenaline in my brain and would cause panic attacks and complete non functionality and so ive suppressed that stuff and became someone at lwast the barest amount of acceptable by reading the cues of what people appreciate and approve of and enjoy heing around to the point where i think i can see the real me through a fogged coke bottle glass of memory but i cant make out many details and i'm pretty sure that kid is dead

but the bits of me that have poked through against my efforts are still bouncing around and maybe i can build someone i like out of those instead of resenting them for being unshakable

the first step is embracing the annoying and spontaneous and oversharing side of myself that has been screaming to come out and is constantly locked back in when i wait for someone else's approval

so here you go

i'm 31, and i'm still proc3ssing a lot of my teenage emotions and probably will be for the rest of my life. i am angsty and bitchy and hungry all the time and i love fashion and art and expression and have a passion for weilding the written word with different stances and flourishes to really get a point across stylistically

and it's interesting to think how mcuh of me jas been suppressed for my own safety, even when i didn't know who i was hiding from.

like, some of the safety mechanisms just turned bacn the fuck on a few years ago and nobody really noticed or knew why. and i can track what bad relationship lead me to go from being a super sex positive out loud feminist with strong political convictions and a come at me bro attitude towards censorship, morality, and sexuality to being someone afraid to have anyone know anything i was passionate about, especially when it came to relationships or sex or social justice because those things had been used against me in pretty awful ways, but i was getting better and healing and then that all got shut back up into that tiny box because i had someone in my friends circle who was predatory and sadistic and i didn't even realize how unsafe i felt around him until he started hurting my friends. and even while i was singing his virtues and trying to sell people on his good side i still was uneasy and i just didn't attribute it to him until *his* mask dropped (a secondntime) and i put the pieces together. and honestly? if i had been open in the ways i'd been before all the trauma, i would have been a perfect victim for him. which is, i'm sure, why he started talking to me every week, making sure i'd be at amtgard, right around the time i was starting to come back into my own and start opening up to the world a little more. but that whole part of me got fucked up for a little while by life and by the general bad vibe i had, like i knew being open about sexuality and sex would put me in danger even though i could not see by whom

anyway i quit amtgard. whether he comes back or not, i dont really care, i dont want to be in a community that isn't vigilant and while i wasnt in real danger because i choose to surround myself with people who watch me like a hawk, that's not a community thing and if i hadnt been there when i was, watching someone else like a hawk, some worse shit would have happened.

i'd rather be myself, with all the risks that come with that, and stay safe with my circle rather than being comfortable in a place i have no business being comfortable with people i don't truly know, suppressing who i am because i know that that person is in danger. for wahtever reason, social or physical.

anyway today i'm trying to be honest and true to myself an dthat means a lot of dunb posts that i'll definitely be judged for, and i gotta practice being judged without wanting to kill myself ao here are my cards on the table i guess.

[kellyvela]

Hi! I wanted to ask you something. Jon and Sansa thinking about having children and having domestic life with their respective partners is a strong foreshadowing for jonsa. Then there was Jeyne W who also told Cat that Robb was going to name their firstborn after Ned. While Robb is dead, it's not sure if jeyne is pregnant. Sansa didn't married to Willas and Jon will not gonna steal Val. Do you think it's foreshadowing something?

Before actually answering your question, I think we can't compare Robb and Jeyne, who willingly married, actively tried to have a baby, and were arguably in love, to Sansa and Willas (they never met, they never married, they weren't in love), and Jon and Val (they never had sex, they never married, they weren't in love).

Also, while having the wish to name their children after their late father and siblings, Sansa couldn't stop thinking about Loras, not Willas; and Jon wished Ygritte were alive so he could marry her instead of Val.

And Loras is a stand in for Jon the same way Ygritte is an stand in for Sansa.

. . .

"A king must have an heir."

Jeyne Westerling told Catelyn that Robb was going to name their firstborn after Ned???

Are you talking about this passage???

"Jeyne," she called after, "there's one more thing Robb needs from you, though he may not know it yet himself. A king must have an heir."

The girl smiled at that. "My mother says the same. She makes a posset for me, herbs and milk and ale, to help make me fertile. I drink it every morning. I told Robb I'm sure to give him twins. An Eddard and a Brandon. He liked that, I think. We . . . we try most every day, my lady. Sometimes twice or more." The girl blushed very prettily. "I'll be with child soon, I promise. I pray to our Mother Above, every night."

—A Storm of Swords - Catelyn III

Because it was Jeyne who told Catelyn that she (Jeyne) was sure to give Robb twins to be named Eddard and Brandon, and that she thought Robb liked her idea (Jeyne's idea).

We don't know if Jeyne Westerling was, at some point, pregnant or not.

With all the Tully super fertility references, Jeyne could have been pregnant, but, as you can read in the quote above, her mother Sybell Spicer was giving her an abortifacient all the time, and sadly, that's what happened to Lysa Tully in the past... That's why a guilty Hoster Tully repeats "Tansy" in his sickbed several times, since "Tansy" was an ingredient of the abortifacient that Lysa took all those years ago...

The Lannister not only plotted to kill the King in the North, but also to prevent that said king have an heir... Sybell Spicer and the abortifacient were part of the plot.

And if there was still the slightest chance that Jeyne was pregnant with Robb Stark's heir, the Lannister would not hesitate to kill the unborn child and the mother, if necessary.

Actually, I'm afraid that in the next Book Jeyne Westerling will die anyway...

Now, Robb also used the same phrase "A king must have an heir." while later talking with Catelyn about the North's Succession, and guess who were the ones actively mentioned during that conversation? Any thoughts?

The answering is, a "Lady Lannister" (lol) and a "bastard Snow". Let's see:

"I had hoped to leave Jeyne with child . . . we tried often enough, but I'm not certain . . ."

"It does not always happen the first time." Though it did with you. "Nor even the hundredth. You are very young."

"Young, and a king," he said. "A king must have an heir. If I should die in my next battle, the kingdom must not die with me. By law Sansa is next in line of succession, so Winterfell and the north would pass to her." His mouth tightened. "To her, and her lord husband. Tyrion Lannister. I cannot allow that. I will not allow that. That dwarf must never have the north."

"No," Catelyn agreed. "You must name another heir, until such time as Jeyne gives you a son." She considered a moment. "Your father's father had no siblings, but his father had a sister who married a younger son of Lord Raymar Royce, of the junior branch. They had three daughters, all of whom wed Vale lordlings. A Waynwood and a Corbray, for certain. The youngest . . . it might have been a Templeton, but . . ."

“Mother.” There was a sharpness in Robb’s tone. “You forget. My father had four sons.”

She had not forgotten; she had not wanted to look at it, yet there it was. “A Snow is not a Stark.”

“Jon’s more a Stark than some lordlings from the Vale who have never so much as set eyes on Winterfell.”

“Jon is a brother of the Night’s Watch, sworn to take no wife and hold no lands. Those who take the black serve for life.”

“So do the knights of the Kingsguard. That did not stop the Lannisters from stripping the white cloaks from Ser Barristan Selmy and Ser Boros Blount when they had no more use for them. If I send the Watch a hundred men in Jon’s place, I’ll wager they find some way to release him from his vows.”

He is set on this. Catelyn knew how stubborn her son could be. “A bastard cannot inherit.”

“Not unless he’s legitimized by a royal decree,” said Robb. “There is more precedent for that than for releasing a Sworn Brother from his oath.”

“Precedent,” she said bitterly. “Yes, Aegon the Fourth legitimized all his bastards on his deathbed. And how much pain, grief, war, and murder grew from that? I know you trust Jon. But can you trust his sons? Or their sons? The Blackfyre pretenders troubled the Targaryens for five generations, until Barristan the Bold slew the last of them on the Stepstones. If you make Jon legitimate, there is no way to turn him bastard again. Should he wed and breed, any sons you may have by Jeyne will never be safe.”

“Jon would never harm a son of mine.”

“No more than Theon Greyjoy would harm Bran or Rickon?”

Grey Wind leapt up atop King Tristifer’s crypt, his teeth bared. Robb’s own face was cold. “That is as cruel as it is unfair. Jon is no Theon.”

“So you pray. Have you considered your sisters? What of their rights? I agree that the north must not be permitted to pass to the Imp, but what of Arya? By law, she comes after Sansa … your own sister, trueborn …”

“… and dead. No one has seen or heard of Arya since they cut Father’s head off. Why do you lie to yourself? Arya’s gone, the same as Bran and Rickon, and they’ll kill Sansa too once the dwarf gets a child from her. Jon is the only brother that remains to me. Should I die without issue, I want him to succeed me as King in the North. I had hoped you would support my choice.”

“I cannot,” she said. “In all else, Robb. In everything. But not in this … this folly. Do not ask it.”

“I don’t have to. I’m the king.” Robb turned and walked off, Grey Wind bounding down from the tomb and loping after him.

—A Storm of Swords - Catelyn V

As you can see from the quote above, Robb and Catelyn were pushing to prevent Sansa or Jon from inheriting Winterfell and the North after Robb. For Robb, the problem was that Sansa was "Lady Lannister," and for Catelyn, the problem was that Jon was a bastard "Snow," and a brother of the Night's Watch.

Ironically, Robb ended up losing Winterfell and the North, and it will be precisely Sansa (the Lannister by marriage) and Jon (the bastard Snow) the ones retaking the ancestral seat and all the lands of House Stark, and I suspect they will do it together.

Indeed, Robb and Catelyn's conversation is also very telling because Robb said: "By law Sansa is next in line of succession, so Winterfell and the north would pass to her". But since Sansa was married to Tyrion Lannister, Robb had to name another heir, Jon.

Robb's reasoning is a contrast to Jon's reaction to the offer of getting Winterfell and the North.  Stannis Baratheon used the same argument (Sansa's marriage to Tyrion Lannister) to convince Jon to accept his offer to become a legitimized Stark and Lord of Winterfell, Stannis even called Sansa “Lady Lannister”, but no matter what, Jon didn’t accept Stannis's offer.

And what was Jon's answer?

“By right Winterfell should go to my sister Sansa.”

—A Dance with Dragons - Jon I

Jon said, “Winterfell belongs to my sister Sansa.”

—A Dance with Dragons - Jon IV

Beautiful, isn't it?

And Jon and Sansa could also produce a new generation of Starks, honoring their late relatives by naming their children Eddard, Robb and Catelyn, the ones that are actually dead, because fortunately Arya, Bran and Rickon are still alive, even if Jon and Sansa believe they are all dead.

She pictured the two of them sitting together in a garden with puppies in their laps, or listening to a singer strum upon a lute while they floated down the Mander on a pleasure barge. If I give him sons, he may come to love me. She would name them Eddard and Brandon and Rickon, and raise them all to be as valiant as Ser Loras. And to hate Lannisters, too. In Sansa's dreams, her children looked just like the brothers she had lost. Sometimes there was even a girl who looked like Arya.

—A Storm of Swords - Sansa II

I would need to steal her if I wanted her love, but she might give me children. I might someday hold a son of my own blood in my arms. A son was something Jon Snow had never dared dream of, since he decided to live his life on the Wall. I could name him Robb. Val would want to keep her sister's son, but we could foster him at Winterfell, and Gilly's boy as well. Sam would never need to tell his lie. We'd find a place for Gilly too, and Sam could come visit her once a year or so. Mance's son and Craster's would grow up brothers, as I once did with Robb.

—A Storm of Swords - Jon XII

Be still my beating heart!

. . .

So if you're wondering if the sad fate of Jeyne Westerling and Robb, who had a similar wish to Sansa and Jon's wishes, to name their children after their late father and siblings, could mean something negative for Jon and Sansa in the future. The answer is no.

[rogue-durin-16]

THINGS NEVER GO AS PLANNED (Part VI/VII)

"the downfall"

Summary: After Fred's death, George and Y/n lean on each other to carry on. This wasn't the most brilliant idea, though; George was pretty much in love with the girl, and Y/n— well, she had been dating Fred prior to the Battle of Hogwarts.

Pairing: George Weasley x Reader

Genre: angst mostly

Tags:

Suggested by: @crispykittywitch

Things never go as planned: @just-here-to-escape-from-reality @beautyschoo1dropout @s1ut4georgeweasley @sunshineandshadows @missmulti @accioweaslcy @andreaareynoso @georgeweasley16 @dianarte @skarlettmikaelson

Permanent taglist: @elia-the-bibliophile @randomparanoid @karlthecat15722 @thebutchersdaughtersblog @amourtentiaa @just-here-to-escape-from-reality

Warnings: language, allusions to sex

A/N: my apologies for keeping y'all waiting for this one darlings, but here comes the next part YAYY! Enjoy <3

Prologue: the aftermath

Part I: sleepless nights

Part II: candy floss

Part III: shock therapy

Part IV: wrong name

Part V: the perfect excuse

Part VII: apart

Epilogue: I still love you

Rogue-durin-16 masterlist

He had left me in the room that morning, alone, with regret and guilt straining my chest, with embarrassment and panic heaving over me, my only company being a terrible headache and a sore body.

I was still waiting for him to come back. Of course, he still lived in the apartment, but the day after, he slept at Shell Cottage because Bill needed help with the chores, and the next night at the Burrow because Molly had asked to keep an eye on 'the kids' —the kids being Ginny, Harry, Ron and Hermione— while she and Arthur were off to visit Andromeda, and at Lee's because Angelina was away and they were going to have a boys' weekend; in summary, he managed to avoid stepping into the flat while I was in there for an entire week.

I would be lying if I said the idea of moving out hadn't crossed my mind, but I knew I was being dramatic— we were being dramatic; we were adults, even if we forgot about it more often than not, and adults talk things out, so I decided to confront him at the only place I would manage to corner him; the shop.

When I descended from the office on the second floor, I spotted the ginger turning the 'CLOSED' to face the glass door. "Oi!" His head snapped to me as I climbed downstairs and he instantly walked to the shelves on the opposite side. "Can I have a word?" I requested, following him, only for George to move on to another shelf.

"Right now I'm quite busy." He replied, seemingly absent-minded as he pretended to check the products in front of him.

"This is important." I insisted, moving to stand besides him.

Not fast enough, though, because he was off to yet another part of the shop as soon as I got close. "I'm sure it can wait."

"You know it can't," I assured intently, stalking after him, only for him to speed up his own pace, moving from product to product without stopping too long in front of him. "George I'm- Oi, stop! We need to talk about this!"

"Well maybe I don't wanna talk about this!" He exclaimed, taking big steps under one of the stairs in order to shamelessly dodge the hand with which I had reached out to stop him.

"George Weasley don't run away from me!"

"I'm not running away from you!"

"You're literally RUNNING AWAY!"

He stopped circling the counter and stood across from me, slamming his palms over the till. "ALRIGHT, LOVE!" for the first time, I didn't like the way the name dripped off his tongue. "Let's talk about how we accidentally FUCKED! That's what you want so badly, isn't it?!" Flush crept up his neck and ears, and I couldn't tell if it was from anger or from timidness. "Go on, darling, lead the bloody way!"

I felt my own cheeks going red, partly because of his straightforward statement but also because I genuinely had never heard George raise his voice like he had just done.

"Cat's got your tongue now?!" My stuttering seemed to fuel his anger more. "C'mon, Y/n, talk! You wanted to talk!"

"SHUT THE HELL UP, GEORGE!" He clenched his jaw as his freckles drowned in a sea of pinkish red. "Yeah I want to talk! 'Cause that's what grown-ups do! We don't know how to act around each other so we just don't spend time together anymore— Fuck, I've barely seen you! AND WE. LIVE. TOGETHER!" I emphasised each word with stomps. "We can either pretend it didn't happen or talk it out to make sure we're on the same page, you choose but for Merlin's sake, don't avoid me!"

"OKAY!" His eyes widened, surprised at his own tone, and then he repeated in a softer, self-conscious one, "Okay." He breathed deeply and then added. "We're on the same page, right?" His eyebrows raised as he looked into my eyes. "It was... A mistake."

I should have noticed the uncertainty and hope in his voice, but I panicked and was too quick to respond, "Yeah! A massive mistake." My words stung my heart and, to my dismay, his own just as much. "Can we go back to being friends? Because I'm going crazy without you." I blamed our watery eyes to the argument we had had, and not to the fact that it had been a mistake.

He circled the counter and walked to me, hesitating before pulling me into a hug. "Can I...?" I tugged him closer, wrapping my arms around his middle. It took a moment for him to ease into my embrace, and I could tell we had fucked up our friendship for good. "It's alright, we'll make it right again." His words made me squeeze him tighter, as if he was about to vanish from my side.

And from then, we tried to make it right, we tried so hard, because it seemed so easy to make it wrong again.

Everytime we stood too close, everytime he leaned on to whisper something, everytime I helped him with his tie, our eyes would fall on each other's lips; I would sometimes drift off the conversation, staring too much at his mouth and hands, wandering if they would feel just as amazing as they had done while we were drunk.

"Y/n are you listening?"

"Uh yeah- I mean, no- sorry, what?"

I was so focused on trying to hide it that I didn't notice George was in the exact same situation, meaning that neither of us could give in, because we would go down together. In all honesty, it was doomed to happen at some point, we were just delaying the inevitable.

The moment came the last night of January, when George showed up in my room due to a really rough nightmare, and I, as always, invited him in so we could lay down together.

"Isn't this... Weird?" He murmured as we scooted closer. We had kept physical contact at bay for obvious reasons, and cuddling had been off the table since New Year.

"It doesn't have to be." I replied, my voice as quiet as his. "We've done this a thousand times."

"Right." He cleared his throat, averting his eyes from mines as we shifted in our places ever so slightly, trying to find a position where the situation turned less awkward.

And it happened, my mind got lost on the way his neck tensed, on the damp locks hanging over his forehead, sweaty due to the nightmare; on his plump lips, which he had just wetted with his tongue in the most subtle way. It was a nervous habit of him, something he would usually do, but that didn't make it any less hot.

"George..." I called his name without noticing, my heart hammering violently against my chest when his gaze landed on my eyes, quickly falling on my lips.

The next thing I knew was that he was holding my thigh over his hip, his other hand on the back of my neck while we shared a hungry kiss that, as soon as my hips involuntarily rocked against his, turned into something more.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

GEORGE'S P. O. V.

The next morning we swore to each other that it was just another accident, that it would happen again.

And the next one too.

And the following.

The fifth time that happened, we agreed to call the situation a 'friends with benefits' kind of thing, well aware that it was an euphemism for the downfall of our friendship.

I had longed to be hers for so long, and it that moment, as I lay by her side in her bed, that wish seemed so close yet so far; I could reach out and my fingertips would touch her skin, yet I had never felt that distant towards her.

The moment my eyes were averted from her form, her gaze was laid on me. "You don't have to go."

"I know." I replied in a mumble, already sitting up and reaching for my pants. "But soon we'll have to get up, so I might as well do that and let you sleep." I didn't want to turn around, I didn't want to see her beautiful irises pleading for me to stay by her side, because I knew I would.

I saw on my peripheral vision her fingers attempting to carefully wrap around my wrist, and I was quick to stand up and walk to the door; sadly, I did not miss Y/n burying her face into the pillow, her hands fisting on the fabric ever so subtly.

She tried to hide her tears like that, and I agressively wiped mines as soon as I reached the corridor.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Morning, lady!" I light-heartedly greeted Y/n without turning my back to the making of our breakfast when I heard the steps approaching the kitchen.

In the morning it was easier to pretend everything was back to normal; usually, the refreshing sunlight and the drowsiness provided by a night of sleep were enough to wash away the sad truth of our relationship.

"Good morning, sir." She responded with a yawn, rubbing her eyes as she walked to stand besides me, leaning against the counter with her arms folded. "Smells good." She commented, leaning on to take a peek at the scrambled eggs.

I was about to make a cocky, playful comment when it dawned on me what she was wearing; it was my jumper, one of the old ones that I exclusively used for pyjamas.

I knew she didn't do it intently; I had left it on the floor the previous night, and it was probably the first thing she grabbed, but it struck a nerve.

I had seen a similar scene way too many times before; a sleepy, dishevelled Y/n entering the kitchen with an ugly Weasley jumper as only clothing, ready to start the bickering with an almost identical version of me who would be making breakfast.

My head then travelled to the thought that lately crossed my mind more often than not and my heart clenched; In Y/n's eyes, I was, most likely, just a poor replacement for Fred.

"You alright?" That worried furrow appeared between her brows too often lately. We were both walking on eggshells, and it got me on my nerves.

"You don't have to ask if I'm alright every time I'm quiet." I hadn't meant it to come out harsh or curt, but it definitely did.

"You're not quiet, you're overthinking." She responded with a tinge of hostility.

"What's to overthink?" I fought the need to raise my voice.

"Dunno, you tell me." She squinted her eyes with a scrutinising gaze directed to me.

"Can we not do this?" I almost pleaded; heated arguments had become a usual thing between us —yet another sign of the unfixable problem we refused to address.

Y/n was about to reply something that would lead us into a fight when the doorbell rung. "Mister Weasley?" I took that as a cue to go open the door to Verity, already dressed on her uniform. "The Valentine's Day products arrived, should I unpack them or..." Her eyes flickered behind me and her cheeks heated up. "Y/n—" When I looked over my shoulder, I felt my own face flushing out of embarrassment. Y/n was still my employee and Fred's ex, so Verity catching a glimpse of her dressed in my jumper wasn't the best thing for any of us. "I— am I— sorry, am I interrupting?"

"You're not interrupting." I assured her with a reassuring smile. "Leave the boxes on the puking pastries section, we'll be down in ten."

"Alright, sir." Her curious gaze travelled to Y/n one last time, and with that, she was rushing back down to the shop.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

READER'S P. O. V.

The ache that had appeared on my chest the day after New Year would end up killing me, or at least it felt like that.

I had a dreadful gut feeling of knowing what caused that pain, but my mind refused to believe it was that, and kept pushing the sensation back into my heart day by day.

George had gone to relocate the puking pastries in the upper level of the shop so I could prepare the section with the Valentine's Day products.

My eyes dawned on the small packages of Amortentia. I knew it was a terrible idea but I needed to know.

I took a look around, making sure Verity wasn't near and George was up still, and brought one of the Amortentias under my nose. It didn't take long for the scents to besot me, and I had to put all my will on not to fall under the potion's spell.

The first smell to reach my nostrils was gunpowder; my heart skipped a bit when the next scent was vanilla.

Then strawberry and chocolate; candy floss cupcakes and George's cologne.

The tiny, heart-shaped bottle fell from my hands, scattering all over the shop's floor. "Shit!" I rapidly kneeled to pick the shattered glass when I realized it had echoed in the empty establishment.

"Oi! What was that?" George descended from the second floor, using the ladder. "Oh shit—" his hands took a hold on my bicep and pulled me away from the pool of pinkish pearl liquid that seemed to be attracting me. "Don't!" He warned Verity, who had attempted to jog in the potion's direction too. "Verity, can you bring me my wand?" The girl complied running up to the office.

In Verity's absence, George took the chance and cupped my cheeks, tilting my head up to check my eyes. "You alright?" I managed to give him a slow nod, my mind buzzing with the newly acquired information. "Getting the Amortentias was a bad idea, wasn't it?" I nodded again, producing a frown between his eyebrows. "No 'told you so'? Are you sure you're alright?" He chuckled nervously, his hands falling to his sides right in time for Verity to rush back to us.

"Here, Mister Weasley!"

"Thank you, darling." He politely replied, taking the wand and restoring the potion bottle in a swift movement. His eyes peeked at me again; I could see the worry growing on him. "Y/n-"

"I'm gonna go wash my face." The words hastily left my mouth before I dashed off to the restroom.

I closed the door behind me and took a look at the mirror; my pupils were blown and my cheeks pink. I ran the tab and splashed the water on my face a few times until the potion's mild effect was gone and my mind clear.

It was in that moment that it dawned on me that I was in love with George Weasley.

[the-moon-prince]

The Last Of us~Kurapika x Reader ~Chapter IV

AN: Hi my lovely fellows!

A new chapter! I tried my best to develop further the self insert character and clarify more its backstory and clan! I have somethings planned I hope you’ll enjoy. Thank you so much for all you support and I thank you for reading!

I wish you a pleasant read, and I hope you’ll enjoy the new chapter of my story.  (Chapter I) (Chapter II) (Chapter III) (Chapter V  soon!)

Paring: Kurapika Kurta x GN! Reader

Word count: 2 307

TW: None!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Everything in life has a continuation. Kurapika and (Y/n)'s relationship is also subject to this law. An undeniable detail was that the lives of both subjects were terribly busy and loaded. Notably, the activities that Kurapika was involved in were lightened. (Y/n) held their word to assist him in his cause, as their work turned out to be advantageous. Primarily when it came to retrieving scarlet eyes. Kurapika even recovered two more pairs not long after by the dint of their research.

Another point in common was that the two were- Or at least when they wanted- very organized. The majority of encounters took place after they departed their jobs with the Nostrade. Consisting most frequently in small walks in nearby parks, have coffee or read together. Accommodating conversations that permitted them to know each other.

"What is the reason behind your decision to study psychiatry?" It occurred to Kurapika to bid during a walk. The situation was atypical; people with profitable prior careers didn't take the Hunter exam, not to mention how extremely young (Y/n) was, being just a year younger than him. But knowing the introversion of his partner, he decided to go little by little.

"My grandad was one. I aspired to be similar to him.

He had a treasury full of medicine and psychiatry titles I loved to read, I also sneaked into his conversations on the subject!" -(Y/n) gloated, with a tiny rocking and a smile.-"I find the functioning of the brain stimulating! And I like to help, it makes me feel useful. One of his acquaintances invited me to be his apprentice several times ago. I just accepted." 

It was not rare for them to get together in the same room for each to work on their matters. They spent time in each other's presence. It was what mattered to them. 

~

In the beginning, (Y / n) was the one that expressed questions the most. Especially details that many would judge insignificant.-"What is your preferred flavor of ice cream?" "Your favorite color? Mine is (Fav .color)" What musical genre do you prefer? I like (Fav. genre), I'm particularly a David Bowie fan." The answers to those questions were vanilla, light gray, and jazz. (Y/n) liked to accumulate all the possible details about Kurapika. More than once he was surprised that the (hair/colored) remembered, like what candy he preferred from the local store, that he liked his water slightly cooler than room-temperature or they reminded him to take a break from using his contact lenses. (Y/n) was also very vocal, consciously or not, with what they liked about Kurapika. They made him blush more than once with "you look pretty today", "you are kind, thank you" or "I love your eyes, they are blue dog's eyes". He had no clue what the latter meant or where were their origins, but (Y/n) said it so lovingly that he couldn't help feeling like it was the greatest of compliments.

Kurapika relied most on studying (Y/n) body language to approach them. He soon realized that while their face was not very expressive, the rest of their body tended to be. When they were waiting for something that excited them, they tapped the table with their long nails. They used to hold the door for the person behind them and him. And the two things that Kurapika found the most adorable of all, they tilted their head when they thought of something and flapped their hands when they were excited-even if they tried to suppress it on occasions. Something that Kurapika was not anticipating at all, particularly considering its dexterity and exactness from the time they fought, was (Y/n) clumsiness. They took bad or silly postures and never tied their shoes- Kurapika suspected them to not know how-.

He loved to tease (Y/n) with it. Expressly when they caught a light pole in the road, for not paying attention while they talked.

(Y/n) reminded him so much of Pairo, shy, a tad playful, and caring.

Pairo...

He would have liked to meet Yorknew. Observe everything Kurapika had seen. He sure would have liked the cinnamon rolls and the city lights. It was cruel and wicked. 

"Kurapika"- a quiet voice took him away from his thoughts. His head stung.

"Here's your tea, sunshine"-(Y/n) placed a cup full of steaming cinnamon tea in front of him, and proceeded to sit down.-"Are you fine?"

"Yes, I was just... just thinking."- Kurapika mumbled and looked at his cup.

 "I see. It is not wrong to miss someone. It simply signifies you love them, and they're important to you."-They mumbled, also looking down at the tea, as if they were capable of reading his mind. They certainly didn't read minds. Just missed someone too.-"If we don't remember them no one else will."- (Y/n) muttered as if the statement was also for them. They wanted nothing more than to comfort him. In one effort they dubiously lifted their hand and started to gently rub his back.

Kurapika turned to see them.-"You call me sunshine now?" He wanted to tease them. It didn't work.

(Y/n) nooned with pride.-"Because of your hair, the color evokes a ray of sunshine. Without sunlight, the flowers do not grow, therefore it is important. You are valuable to me."-Completely overlooking the other man's intentions. Kurapika covered his face with his hands and started laughing. He felt better.

"You are sickly sweet!"- he exclaimed, shaking his head. 

"I am. And you're sneakier than you seem." (Y/n) similarly joked. They rested their heads on the hand, drinking tea. They maybe were sappy, but in the end, Kurapika loved it. He had someone to comfort him and with whom he could play. How he had missed this!

"Your piano is nearly the only furniture you have in your living room, and I haven't seen you play it yet."-continued taking a sip of his tea. He didn't know if (Y/n) played the piano, but they certainly prepared good tea.

"I am not very skilled. I am incapable of composing anything, and I haven't played for a long time. I was taught how to play some melodies, and that's what I play."

"May I see?"-Kurapika requested, for (Y/n) to approach the grand piano. They opened the tone's cover and he started to play. Sol-Fa Re Si-Fa Re Si ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f81rM4BKODw ). It sounded like a child's song, sweet and simple.

"My grandad was better. Verily, the instruments make me nostalgic, I have them essentially for that." They babbled once finished.

"You're not awful either." The blonde assured-"Did he teach you?" 

(Y/n) agreed with a smile. "We fancied dancing and singing. My people liked artistic activities, we were somewhat hippies." they joked with a melancholic undertone.

"And the Kurta?"-their interests were genuine

Kurapika was surprised, it was the first time anyone had asked him. He couldn't help but respond excitedly.- "Well, I traveled with a friend, his name was Pairo. We transported ourselves on the backs of huge birds called Pikos! It was really fun... did you had something similar to travel?"

(Y/n) stared at him for a moment, tilting their head "We were the animals...", to them, the answer was a bit obvious. Why would they mount animals for transportation if they could transform themselves into animals?

"That seems lawful... I quite omitted that detail." Kurapika notified. I forgot that people like (Y/n) were part beast. They hardly ever mentioned him and he hadn't seen them in their other form either.

(Y/n) Laughed-"And we used normal cars. Uniliums didn't live very detached from humans. Our community was like 40 away from the city and most adults worked in it. We just maintained our animal figure in private. Most humans didn't have a clue they were fraternizing with us." They were delighted to talk about their peers. Like when you talk about a family member you haven't seen in a long time.

"What kind of animals were they?"-.Kurapika's curiosity about the group only increased. Besides if he knew more about them he would also know more about his (Y/n).

They hummed, -"Well... we were all mammals. Most were preys, for each predator, there was an average of 13 preys. Of 126 members, we were 10. There were mice, rabbits, deers. But no one was sure how to determine which animal would be an offspring."- They cheerfully explained, general information. But nothing about themselves. 

Kurapika would have to question directly.-"And you?"

"I am the cat. But I was raised by wolves, like Romulus and Remus. Who knows? I might establish my own empire!"-(Y/n) played.

It was the first time they mentioned it. But now that he reflected, (Y/n) resembled a cat. They had particularly long fangs and claws.

"I didn't know your parents were wolves!" Kurapika felt he was finally learning a little more about his lover's past. But the reaction received was not the one he expected. An ordinary person, he included, would be glad to remember his parents.

(Y/n) quitted smiling and leaned their head into their folded arms. The atmosphere in the room had changed.-"They are average humans. As we mix with humans, it was not uncommon for some to marry them. My grandfather's mother and my grandfather, who were Uniliums, married humans. My mother was human and married another human."- they mumbled. Kurapika felt that the topic was not very pleasant for them, and considered it appropriate to stop that conversation.

"I comprehend..."-and changed the topic-"Kurtas were further separated. It was difficult to get outward of our village. This to guard us. Controlling the scarlet eyes and our emotions was not easy. Many panicked when they saw them."

(Y/n) seemed to quickly forget the preceding topic and willingly listened to their beloved again.-"I understand that. Some humans were also afraid of us, they believed we were demons or beasts. The funny thing is that the deluded wouldn't recognize us."-they mocked-"Sentiments could also influence our appearance. But our parents taught us to be cautious since cubs." 

(Y/n) had seen Kurapika with his scarlet eyes, but he hadn't seen them in their beast form. The most he had seen was that night when they saw him straight in the eye, and their pupils were contracted, like a cat's, and the (e/c) had almost fully spread.

"You have never revealed your cat form to me. I bet you're adorable!"- He expressed in an attempt to satiate his curiosity. 

They sure weren't anticipating that request, following a moment of hesitation, they lilted "I presume I get accustomed to wearing this shape."

Kurapika wanted (Y/n) to have confidence in him. He understood the concern in showing foreigners such aspects. After all, they had both been marginalized and punished for their looks.-"It's not going to be unpleasant to me. I like cats." he offered them a sweet smile. 

At the moment he blinked and reopened his eyes, (Y/n) had a pair of fuzzy (color) cat ears, the right one with a tiny darker spot on the tip, a fluffy tail, and their hair was slightingly fuzzed up. Maybe the most remarkable thing was their feet, long and standing on the tip.

 Their eyes changed again, and their hands were slightly larger with wider claws; to ultimately have the appearance of a cat-humanoid. They didn't look so different and they were still (Y/n). 

Kurapika didn't see anything devilish about the person in front of him. Rather, he saw an exotic beauty, like fantastic creatures from magical books. He felt lucky to be able to witness something of that bearing and have that experience. What was so special to him was that this being was his partner.

"You certainly are a kitten. That's something you can do in that form?"-Kurapika interrogated.

(Y/n) took a minute to consider, head tilted as usual- the only difference is that their ears moved delicately-. They raised their open hands, showing some very pink set to digital pads, advanced towards him wagging his tail, and cupping his face with a cute smile.

"Your hands are very soft, darling."-Kurapika giggled at the silly idea. (Y/n)'s grin grew wider, closed its eyes, and in complete pride said "I have paws, honey!" That was true. Not many could say they had paws. Especially a so soft and warm pair. (Y/n) appeared happy and relieved, as if they had been discharged from a weight or they were finally doing something they had repressed.

"And you also have marshmallow cheeks. Can you do something particular under that form?"-As Kurapika enjoyed the softness of the caring touch, his question was not precisely answered.

(Y/n) separated their paws from his face, and showed its claws. "I have retractile claws, like, well, a cat. Under this form my strength and speed increase. My bite force equals that of a Jaguar. Ultimately I'm capable of using a more potent nen's technique since my aura flow grows. Although, you know I'm a pacifist. I tend to be softer..."

"You look like a big plush doll. Yet, this appearance may be tricky. You absolutely are a cat."- Kurapika could recognize why (Y/n)'s clan was killed to extermination. Many collectors would be filled with sick and devious pride to have such a creature. He was happy that at least (Y/n) survived. For the first time, he was happy that he too survived.

[mitchmarnier]

writing prompt masterlist #1

 Of course, there’s 75 million prompt lists out there but i figured there’s nothing wrong with making my own. Send me a category + a number + a pairing and i’ll write you a fic. Okay to reblog and use :) (x)

Fake/Secret/Etc Dating AUs:

my parents keep setting me up on blind dates but in reality I’m dating you and it’s so you help me get out of them

i hate commitment but my dad’s dying wish is to see me get married and you’re an old family friend i ran into at the airport on my way to visit him so hey let’s get engaged

you need a plus-one for your brother’s wedding so i’m going as a favor but there’s been a misunderstanding and now your whole family thinks we’re engaged

i’m mad at my parents so i ask you out because they wouldn’t approve of you and you’re well aware that i’m just using you but you agree because you find it funny but hey you’re actually super sweet

there’s this really creepy person hitting on me and i don’t know you but you pretending to be my partner completely saved my ass thanks how about i buy you a drink

we’re just really touchy friends and we get each other gifts all the time but everyone thinks we’re going out and we let them think that but why are you getting upset about me going on a date we’re not actually together? 

I’m sorry you always thought your love for me was unrequited but on to more important matters YOU’RE GETTING MARRIED IN THE MORNING SO YOU HAVE A DECISION TO MAKE YOU ASSHOLE!

Our mutual friend apparently has been waiting for us to get together and so they’re very angry/disappointed/upset when they find out that the reason we kissed last night was because we were black-out drunk

everyone thinks we hate each other and we keep that front up in public, so we have hilarious pretend fights and squabbles and pranks 

when we were little I accidentally mentioned that I had a crush on you but I always thought you didn’t hear me because you just looked at me weird and never commented but now we’re in high school and omg you just introduced me as your boyfriend/girlfriend/datemate wtf we never discussed this

friends to lovers aus

You’ve got a date tonight and you asked for advice on what to wear but I’m so in love with you and damn you look good in the outfit I picked out for you

You’ve liked me for ages and were really obvious about it and I didn’t like all the attention but now you’re over me I really miss it and fuck I think I like you too?

 You want us both to get in shape and I hate working out/running but your ass looks really good in shorts oh the things I do for my friends and their nice asses

Our best friends are that awful ‘cute’ couple that make-out in public and call each other “sweetie” and “sugar” and “babe” and god they’re awful let’s talk about how awful they are – develops into “shit we’re the awful couple now”

Celebrity/Famous AUs

listen, you may be a famous (and extremely attractive) guitarist, but that gives you no right to practise on the electric at two a.m when we live right next to each other.

We broke up and I used my feelings to write songs and now I’m super popular and you want me back

we decided to make a fake vlog drama for our subscribers and they all think it’s real but jokes on us we end up actually liking each other

I run a prank channel and you were some innocent bystander I pranked for a video but then it turns out hey, you’re also famous online haha shit

we met and started talking but i didn’t know you were a rising star until i noticed cameras following me wtf

you’re a reporter and i think you’re super cute so i’ll only give you personal interviews to help your career and also get you to talk to me more

I’m a celebrity and I have a secret social media account and we started talking online and now we’re close friends but you want to meet up oh shit

I’m a celebrity and I may or may not be following your blog which is dedicated to me. reading your comments and tags are hilarious and very flattering and I’m somewhat smitten  

You’re an actor/other famous person that I really admire and I just saw you in the street and as I was debating whether or not to say hi you came up to me and started flirting what do I do??

wedding/kids/marriage/long term relationship AUs

we’ve been dating forever, and you just caught the bouquet at our friend’s wedding

remember when we were in high school and we swore that if we were still single at 30 we’d marry each other, well hey guess whose birthday it is

i’m a runaway bride/groom and you’re driving my getaway car

I suddenly bumped into you after years and wow you look good but holy crap is that a kid?? since when?

you had a breakdown because the baby wouldn’t stop crying and you kept saying how you weren’t ready and how you couldn’t do it

whenever my kid starts crying I just hand them to you and then they just stop and start smiling

“i’m so sorry that my child pointed out how your shirt- actually nevermind i agree, that shirt is horrendous”

i always tease you because that’s just our thing we tease each other but for some reason you snapped at me and are you okay? what’s wrong?

my in-laws despise me GREAT but around you they’re super nice so you don’t believe me

neighbours AUs

You always complain about how loud I am (whether it be TV, video games or music/musical instrument is up to you) and this is the first time you’ve actually knocked on my apartment door and given me a lecture there rather than giving me a phone call, but I’m not really listening because I didn’t  realise I had such a cute neighbour

you never open your door for children on halloween so i always pay the kids to smear your door with shaving cream

my printer isnt printing anymore and my papers are due tomorrow so im on my knees in front of your door begging to use your printer when the old lady from above passes us and thinks im proposing to you

we always run into each other on the stairs but we’ve never said more than hello but when we found out that we both hate the other neighbours, we became friends

i came home drunk and wouldnt stop knocking on your door. when you open i keep telling you to get out of my apartment

after a rough party night i find you sleeping on the stairs but since im still a little asshole all i do is put a blanket over you and a pillow under your head

Please help me, I know you have a kid and my sibling just dropped their baby on me where’s the button to put them to sleep?

I’m stressed and sleep-deprived, please let me pet your cat. 

I have really weird dreams and you have really weird dreams so now we’re in this contest to see who has the weirdest dreams.

Strangers/Meet Cute (or meet very NOT cute) AUs 

We were sitting next to each other in a public place and I saw a mosquito on you and my instincts just acted before my mind.

We mixed up our clothes at the laundry service and I have nothing left to wear and every thing you wear is too big/small for me.

We’re at a comic book store and if you tell me your superhero is better than mine I’m gonna have to punch you in the teeth.

There are no table left at this restaurant and you let me sit at yours since you’re alone.

I’m a single grown-up with busy friends but I want to go to Disneyland so I drop a message on a forum to find someone like me to go wear silly Mickey ears headband and stuff ourselves with cotton candy.

My computer broke down so I called an IT and now I need to find a reason to call them back so I delete important files and download adwares and do all kinds of stupid things. 

I almost dropped something and in my fumbling attempts to stop it from hitting the floor I accidentally projectiled it at your face and it’s a really nice face I’m so sorry

first day at a new job and oh fuck my boss is the person I drunkenly hooked up with last weekend/night

I wanted to go on the ferris wheel but there has to be two people to a cart come on random person let’s go oh wait are we stuck at the top? Fuck

 Our mutual friend set us up on a blind date and I thought I’d hate it but you’re actually… kind of funny? But because I expected to hate it in no way am I going to let you change my mind just because you’re gorgeous and funny and intelligent oh no my friend is not winning this

college/high school AUs:

i went on a date with a boy who had plans to take me to dinner and drinks. but he lost his wallet at a pizza place so we just walked around the neighborhood, sat in the park and talked.

we’re in the same study group but we dont talk but you brought goldfish and im starving

we have the same notebook and we took the wrong ones home so i used your notes on my open book test

you were my elementary school crush but you moved away but somehow we end up miraculously going to the same college and i barely recognized you because holy hot damn you are more attractive than i remember?

I tripped over on my way to this party and I’m bleeding profusely from the grazes on my knees and you’re a complete stranger that pretty much jumped me the second I walked in the door to play nurse

ive had a crush on you for 3+ years and now youre going out with my best friend and i definitely havent locked myself in a toilet cubicle to cry

We’re in different debate classes and I was constructing a case on the board and I come in the next morning and you’ve replied to all my points really well?? But I don’t even know your name? And oh shit, we’re taking over the entire whiteboard, is that your phone number squeezed into the corner of the board there?

You have braces and I don’t and I keep forgetting you’re not allowed to have gum so every time I offer, you give this death glare

You sent me a text asking if I wanted to go to prom on the day of prom and I’m not in town

I’m a notorious goody two shoes and you look like you get into fights on a daily basis, so when you were in the library on the first day I was supposed to be a tutor, I assumed I’d be tutoring you. But, as it turns out, we’re both tutors, and the people we’re tutoring keep blowing us off to make out and we have to go round them up

we have a mutual best friend but they cannot find out how much i like you then they’ll tell you, but i need to find out if you’re single!

I sat down in the wrong class and I’m panicking but don’t want to get up and leave because the class has started and you think it’s hilarious 

You pissed me off in class so I threw a book at your head and now I’m in detention and jesus fuck I hate you so much and the teacher made me apologise and wait you’re cuter up close

soulmate aus

if one soulmate gets an injury, the other gets it as well.

Character A has a soulmate, but Character A died before they got to meet them. As Character A navigates the afterlife in their ghostly form, they discover that they can’t “move on” until they’ve met their soulmate.

 the very first words your soulmate ever says to you are tattooed somewhere on your body since the day you are born

when you write something on your skin with pen/marker/whatever, it will show up on your soul mates skin as well.

You get an ‘impression’ of your soulmate when you turn 18 or something but all I got was a strong smell of bananas or something

you have a compass on your wrist and it directs you to where your soulmate is

i usually think i’m having a conversation with myself in my head but it turns out we’re telepathically connected

everybody is born with a map “tattooed” on their forearm that’s centered on the exact location of where they’ll first meet their soul mate 

[astralkoo]

Beautifully Misfit

SERIES; Hybrid BTS

‣ Genre: fluff, smutt, hybrid au

‣ Word Count: 2.08k

‣ Pairing(s): skunk!Jimin x reader, puppy!Taehyung x reader, bunny!Jungkook x reader

‣ Warning(s): very strong language, lots and lots of f-bombs so beware of that, bit of angst if you squint real hard, nothin else for this chapter so enjoy ;)

‣ to be aware of: sub!jimin, switch!taehyung, switch!jungkook, dom!reader, some kinky ass future happenings, BDSM themes, some heavy angst, and triggering themes. 

Summary: you never really saw yourself as a hybrid person. that is, until your best friend introduces you to his hybrid, and you suddenly find yourself craving the companionship. you only intended to bring home one. somewhere between the lines you ended up with three beautifully misfit hybrids who craved nothing but your love.

part. i | ii | iii | iv | v | vi (coming soon)

A/N; this is my first post on here, so I’ll make this short… thanks for reading, I’m sorry, ily

Lonely.

It hit you all of a sudden.

You were lonely. For about four months, you’ve been living in you home, working as an editor for your aunt’s absurd gossip magazine, eating solitary meals, sleeping in your admittedly cold bed, and you were just now realizing how lonely you’ve been all this time.

This wasn’t completely out of the blue. You had been feeling a nagging sensation of emptiness in the pit of your stomach for a while now.

But it wasn’t until you had your best friend’s hybrid curled up in your lap, playing with your hair, and babbling about his love for food and pretty things that it settled in exactly what that feeling was.

“You know, you’re kind of cute. Your face is… decent, I suppose. But Namjoonie is much cuter and— oh my gosh you’re crying,” Jin squealed in surprise, shock lighting up on his features as an onslaught of tears suddenly poured from your eyes.

“Shoot, I’m s–sorry, Jin,” you softly cursed, gently pushing the angora hybrid off your lap as you jumped to your feet, hands feverishly working to dry your wet cheeks.

“Was it the cute comment? I mean, it’s true, but I wasn’t intending to hurt your feelings… didn’t realize you were that sensitive,” he grumbled, pouting at the fact that you’d just ruined the mood for him.

You quickly shook you head, “no– no it wasn’t that, I just— shit, I mean, fuck, excuse my language.”

“Y/n! How many times do I have to tell you to watch your profanity around Jin— holy shit, why are you crying?” Namjoon gasped in concern as he walked out of the kitchen before running to your aid. “Did Jin hurt your feelings? I’m so sorry he has no filter whatsoever and says thing without thinking and—”

“It wasn’t that, a Joonie,” you cut him off with a sniffle, “I just realized something.”

Namjoon stared at you for a moment with worried eyes, before turning to his hybrid. “Jinnie, you stay here for a moment, y/n and I need to have a quick talk, alright?” The angora rolled his eyes, not appreciating the secrecy but not arguing to Namjoon’s relief. He quickly guided you into the kitchen, urging you to take a seat while he made you a glass of water.

“What happened? What upset you? Was it really not Jinnie because I know that he can be—” your best friend in ten years began to ramble out questions.

Chuckling lightly, you shook you head. “No, Joon. I swear it wasn’t anything Jin said. He’s a sweetheart, really. A bit blunt, if anything but nothing extreme,” you reassured him with a soft smile. He nodded, eyes swirling with a mixture of relief and confusion.

“Then, what was it?”

You sighed, turning away from him. “I just… I realized how lonely I’ve been.”

Namjoon settled himself in the seat beside yours, gently placing his hand over yours in a comforting gesture. “What do you mean? Lonely how? You know you’ve always got me, and now Jinnie.”

“Of course I know that. And I am so lucky to have you in my life, seriously. You’re the best best friend a girl could as for… when your clumsy ass isn’t breaking my shit, that is.” He gasped dramatically, swatting at your arm, causing you to giggle quietly. “But, we can’t be around each other 24/7, you know? You have your life, your job, your responsibilities, and now your hybrid; and I have mine– minus the hybrid.”

“What’re you trying to say?” He asked, searching your eyes for further explanation.

“I– I just… I hate being alone all the time. Especially in that big house. I’m home all the time, the only places I go are your place and the grocery store when my fridge empties. That’s really sad, Joon,” you muttered, glancing at your intertwined fingers.

“You’re right… that’s really pathetic, y/n.” You laughed, lightly kicking his ankle to which he grinned and squeezed your hand, “but seriously, if you’re so lonely… why not find a boyfriend?”

You snorted loudly at that. “Me? Boyfriend? Please, let’s not get too crazy here, Joonie. Try to keep it realistic, yeah?”

Namjoon rolled his eyes heavily at your response, scoffing softly, “I’m serious, y/n! When’s the last time you even got laid?” His voice dropped to a whisper at the last word, knowing his impressionable hybrid with impeccable hearing was just the next room over. You gaped at him, taking that as your turn hit his arm.

“I don’t see how that’s relevant to my loneliness in the least,” you countered sharply despite the glowing blush making its way into your cheeks, glaring at him pointedly.

He smirked, cocking a brow. “That long, huh?”

You scowled at him stubbornly for a moment. “…yes. Fine. That long, you asshole.”

“Thought so~” he sang, sticking his tongue out, “why don’t you get out there then, huh? It could do you some good, relieve some of that tension.”

“Because, Joonie,” you groaned, slumping forward onto the countertop, face dropping into your folded arms, “that’s not what I want. I don’t want a stupid hook up with some random guy I met in a germ infested bar. That won’t solve my problem, I’m lonely not horny.”

“Same thing,” he shrugged.

You decided it best to just ignore him, continuing, “but I don’t want a boyfriend either. Every time in the past that I’ve had a boyfriend, they’ve only caused me more trouble then they were worth. Either they found someone they found more attractive and ditched me or found someone more interesting and ditched me. Not to mention, guys are just all around dipshits.”

Namjoon pouted, pointing at himself and waiting for some kind of exclusion.

“Besides you of course, Joonie, you’re an angel. I’m talking about straight dudes. They’re the real problem in this society,” you confirmed with an angry huff.

Namjoon raised your half empty glass, “I’ll drink to that.”

“All guys do is cause problems. They will in no way help to solve mine. So now… I don’t know… I just don’t want to be alone anymore,” you groaned, slapping your palms over your face in frustration, “maybe I should just get a bunch of dogs. Become a crazy dog lady. That’d be fun.”

Namjoon was quiet for a moment. “Or… maybe… you could get a hybrid.”

You choked on air, eyes bulging out of your head. “What? No! You’re crazy.” You immediately shot down the idea, shaking your head rapidly.

You? A hybrid owner? Yeah fucking right. You can barely take care of yourself, let alone an entire other human– er, hybrid being. Not to mention you’d be a terrible influence, with your drinking and cursing habits. No hybrid would stand a chance in your home. Owning a hybrid is essentially adopting a child with animalistic appendages and habits. It was really a two for one. Which also meant two times the responsibility.

Responsibility you were anything but prepared for.

“What’s so crazy about it? You’re great with Jin, you took a course on hybrids in college so you’re well informed, and they make amazing companions,” he informed, hands waving around in emphasis.

You shook your head. “No way. I’m not a hybrid person.”

“Says who?”

“Says me! I don’t know the first thing about hybrids, I only took that stupid course in the first place for the easy grade!” You retorted quickly, before a sudden thought occurred.

“Well, personally, I think—”

“Shit what time is it?”

He glanced down at his watch, “almost ten, why?”

You lurched out of the chair, quickly gathering up your belonging, “I’ve got an article deadline at twelve is why, fuck.”

Namjoon nodded with a quiet sigh, following as you scrambled to his front door. Like the gentleman he was, he opened the door, only to stop you half way out it with a hand on your shoulder. You turned back to him with raised brows and a questioning glint in your eyes.

“Just think about it, okay? For me? I hate seeing you like this.”

For the sake of his sanity, as he had a tendency to over worry, you agreed, “okay, Joon. I’ll think about it,” giving him a parting hug before darting to your car, grumbling under your breath, “when you start eating pussy.”

In other words, you definitely would not be reconsidering your decision.

Okay. So you were reconsidering.

It had been a day since you had dropped by Namjoon’s place. A day since he’d made that absolutely ludicrous suggestion, which gradually looking less and less ludicrous.

It was almost… appealing.

A hybrid companion… that would definitely make the house feel a lot less lonely.

You even wondered about what type you’d get. A dog, maybe. You’ve always had a soft spot for puppies, and you can’t help but coo and swoon whenever you see one on the street.

A cat, perhaps. Cats could be annoying, but they also knew when to step back and give you space, which would be nice. A lot less maintenance than dogs. But dogs were cuddly as hell and you’d enjoy having a cuddle buddy, that’s for sure.

Now, this is all circumstantial depending on the breed.

Hell, you were really bad at making important decisions.

“Shit, focus!” You cursed, smacking your cheeks harshly enough to make yourself groan as the skin tinted a hot red. You were supposed to be working on an article your aunt had just sent to you for editing.

But god damn the only thing on your mind was hybrids, hybrids, hybrids, and… what do you know— more hybrids!

“Fucking mother fucker fucking bitch can’t mind his own god damn son of a bitch business,” you growled under your breath as you slammed your laptop shut and yanked your phone out of the pocket of your baggy sweat (perk of working at home; you never have anyone to impress) and aggressively typing in Namjoon’s number before holding it up to your ear, muttering angrily to empty air. After the third ring, he finally picked up.

“Hey, Y/n, what’s--”

“Fuck you, Kim Namjoon. Fuck you to hell.”

“Up,” a short pause, “okay, I admit, was not expecting that response, but okay. Any particular reason you’re fucking me to hell?” 

“Hybrids.”

“Hybrids?”

“Yes, hybrids. I want a hybrid so fuck you.”

“Why fuck me if you’re the one that wants a hybrid?”

“Because you’re the one that put the idea of hybrids into my head in the first place,” you hissed in retaliation, slamming your fist down on your desk for emphasis.

He snorted loudly, “well, it wouldn’t be in your head if you didn’t want it a little bit in the first place. My suggestion just made you realize what was already a subconscious desire.” 

It was your turn to pause, lips pursing together as you thought it over. Fuck, you hated logic and reason, always ruining all your fun. “Fuck, you’re right. In that case, fuck me, too. In fact, fuck everything, the world is bullshit and this is not what I signed up for.” 

“When has the world ever been fair, babe,” he chuckled. 

Groaning loudly, you slumped back in your chair, dramatically throwing your arm over your face. “I don’t know what to do, Joon.”

“Do you really want a hybrid? They can be a lot of responsibility, but they really do make phenomenal companions, especially if you get the perfect one for you.” His words were somewhat consoling for your brain, which was currently going on overdrive. 

You pouted, tugging your knees up to your chest. “Do you think I could handle it?”

“I know you can handle it. You’re a lot more mature than you give yourself credit for. And even if it gets a bit overwhelming, I’ll always be there to help you out, you know that.”

You nodded to no one in particular, gnawing at your lip with furrowed brows, buried in your own thoughts, a back and forth battle going on in your brain. Do you really want this? A hybrid all your own. It would be nothing like going and visiting with Jin, you knew that much. It would be completely your responsibility, your companion, all yours. 

For some reason, that thought brought a ghost of a smile to your lips. 

Yours. That sounds surprisingly nice.

“Okay,” you murmured softly. 

“Okay?” He repeated.

“Okay... it looks like I’m adopting a hybrid.”

[ask-de-writer]

BLUE EYES : WIP : Chapter 4 : Hosted Tales

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Blue Eyes : Chapter IV

Questions, Answers, and Secrets

Written by @wind-the-mama-cat​

​ Art by @wind-the-mama-cat​

(New to BLUE EYES? Read from the beginning)

A few hours later, and as night fell on the Imperial city, and the rest of the land, I sighed deeply as Winter returned her Mahjong tiles to her bag.

“A tie.” The Handmaiden giggled. “I have never lost a game in my life. Until today.”

“Well…” I stood up and stretched. A groan escaped my lips as my back popped. “There’s a first time for everything.”

Winter quirked her eyebrow. “Touche, Blue Eyes.”

She stood up, and stretched “Now, the day has ended, and it is time to retire.” She gestured to the door that I originally entered “I’ll show you to your room.”

I frowned.

Winter winked at me. “This way, Blue Eyes.” She waved her hand for me to follow her. She pulled the door open, and then headed down the stairs.

“You walk these stairs everyday?” I asked, as I followed her down the stairs.

“Yes. As will you.” Winter stated kindly. “As do the guards, the Empress, the Princess, and as you saw with our meals, the other servants.”

I hummed, as we fell into a comfortable silence.

Winter lead my down the stairs. Once we reached the bottom, instead of heading through the door into the main throne room, Winter head left, and down a hallway. We passed several doors, guards, and other servants. Once we reached the end of the hall, Winter stopped and turned to me.

“This is my room.” She turned and opened the door.

Curiously, I followed her in.

The room had no windows, and had no decorations. There was a small wooded vanity against the far wall, and what, I guessed, was a closet adjacent to the vanity. I looked down, and noticed that the floor was covered in moss.

However, I noticed that there were two beds. One bed was a large queen-size bed with several pillows and soft covered blankets. I was next to the vanity.

The other was next to me, and…

“Wait… that’s my cot from my village.” I said in shock, as I did a double-take. “How…?”

Winter smiled, as she removed her hood. “The Empress sent for it once you agreed to protect the Princess.”

“Why is it in your room?” I asked, still in shock.

“I…” Winter blushed. “Didn’t want you be alone. Especially on your first night.” She looked down at her feet, which, I no noticed, were bare. “Are you upset?”

“No. Merely surprised.” I said, as I removed my sword and belt, and placed it on my cot. “Pleasantly surprised.”

I sat on my bed, and looked at Winter. “So…?”

“Oh, I haven’t forgotten my promise, Blue Eyes.” Winter said, as she removed her robe. Under it, she was wearing a short kimono, similar to mine. As She opened the door, which turned out to be a large walk-in closet, and walked in, Winter hummed a soft, yet, oddly familiar tune.

“Winter…” I said, in a near pleading voice, “Please…”

Winter came out of her closet, and closed the door. “Blue eyes…” She said, as she also removed her cloth covering her left eye.

It was white, and well, had an eye shaped rune.

She smiled. “Yes, Blue Eyes, we are from the same village. Clearly, as we have the same skin. I know were are from two different tribes. Yours had blue, and mine had magenta. Or, rather, Yours were a warrior class, and mine where mages.”

I stared at her in shock and awe.

“I would imagine, that like me, you have no memories of your life? Before you were found by you village?” Winter asked.

I squeaked in response. “H-how? How do you know of our… clans if you have no memory of them?”

Winter sat on my cot next to me. “I told you, Blue Eyes. I am a mage.” She placed her hands on either side of my face. “I can show you glimpses.”

The rune in her eye glowed and suddenly, my eyes rolled back into head.

Warriors dressed in black…

Wizards in white and pink… casting spells…

Damascus blades slashing through the air…

Flames…

Flashes of blue light…

My eyes snapped back and I gasped in pain and shock.

“What was that, Winter?” I managed to ask, as I tried to regain my bearings. “Those lights…”

“I do not know, Blue Eyes.” Winter answered, as she stroked my hair “I… those… are all I can remember. As I said, you garb, your sword… were the same as those warriors you saw. As for the mages… do I not fit that description as well?”

I nodded. “We are… I mean, are we Kin?”

“Are you asking if we are related?” Winter asked. “I do not think we are.”

I took several deep breaths. “What of your eye?”

Winter, again, shook her head “I can only guess… from the glimpses, I suppose, it is a mark of a mage.”

I nodded in response. “I suppose that makes sense.” I looked at my right hand and examined the different colours. “Do you know why my skin has those light patches, and yours doesn’t?”

“Do you know how you… know those patches happen?” Winter asked in return.

“Yes. Kinda.” I answered “They appear whenever I injure myself. The woman whom raised me, Mama Hen, explained that when I get a cut, or scrape, the skin surrounding the injury, loses it’s pigment for… some reason.”

“I see.” Winter said in understanding, “But, to answer your previous question, no, Blue Eyes, my skin does not have those patches as yours dose.”

She stood up from my cot, ans walked over to the chest at the foot of her bed. “I have something for you, Blue eyes.” She opened the chest, and gestured for me to come over.

My interest piqued, I too stood from my cot, and walked over to the chest.

“I returned to where our village was, Blue Eyes.” Winter explained “I found some items that you might find useful…”

I looked into chest ans gasped. Inside the chest, was a handle for a sword. I was solid brass, wrapped in high quality brown leather. The pommel and guard were shaped like moving clouds. Underneath the pommel was a black kimono, trimmed with gold.

Winter smiled. “Notice that the handle doesn’t have a blade?”

I nodded. “Yeah… why doesn’t it?”

Winter picked up the handle. “Because, Dear Blue Eyes, this handle is for YOUR sword.”

I blinked in confusion. “But… my sword HAS a handle.”

Winter shook her head “That handle is not the original handle for your sword, is it.”

I looked at my sword, sitting comfortably on my hip. “I guess… not?” I looked Winter in the eyes. “I don’t remember much about the day my village found me.”

Winter held out the handle for me to take. “Here, Blue Eyes.”

I took the handle from her, and gasped. It felt… like it was made for my hand. “It fits my hand… perfectly. Much better than my current handle.”

Winter smiled. “If you want, while you try on the kimono, I will replace the handle on you sword.”

I pursed my lips in thought. I didn’t like other touching my sword, but since I didn’t have the skill to  I really had no choice

“Well… okay.” I said hesitantly, as I removed my sword from my belt, and handed it to Winter. I also gave the brass handle back to her as well. “Just be careful. Okay?”

Winter smiled. “I will.” She pointed to the closet. “You may change in there-”

She stopped talking, as I began to disrobe in front of her.

“B-blue Eyes?” She stammered as she blushed.

I frowned. “What? I’m not naked…” I said, as I gestured to the modesty bandages across my breasts and the undergarments covering my lower half.

Winter seemed to by transfixed by my slim, yet toned, body. “You are… very fit, Blue Eyes.”

I giggled as I pulled the new kimono out of the chest, and started to put it on. “Thank you, Winter.” I gasped as she suddenly placed her right hand on my abs and stroked them slowly.

“I apologize, Blue Eyes… I just…” She quickly removed her hand. “Are you flexing?”

I shook mt head as I tied the kimono closed. “N-no. I -ahem- That’s just how I am.”

Winter blushed, turned away from me, and walked over to her vanity. “Erm, yes. I will… just… get to work.”

Not wanting to embarrass her further, I gathered up the rest of clothing from inside the chest, and walked into the closet. I quickly dressed, admiring the sheer quality and comfort of the fabric and how well it fit me.

Now dressed, fully, I exited the closet, and walked over to the still working Winter. “How do I look?”

Winter turned and blushed more. “I…” She pointed to the mirror. “See for yourself, Blue Eyes.”

I looked at the mirror, and gasped in shock. I hardly recognized myself. I looked… well, there was no other word for it. I looked professional and complete.

“Whoa…” I let out a breath. “I look good…”

Winter giggled, and stood up. “You do look good. Beautiful, even.” She gestured to her vanity. “And now… to complete the look, your sword is ready.”

I looked at the my sword, laying on the vanity. The new handle was now attached, with the old handle laying in pieces next to it. I also noticed that the scabbard, which was normally red, was now black.

“You painted my scabbard?” I asked.

Winter shook her head. “No. I replaced that as well.” She smiled. “I was not certain if the scabbard I found, along with those other relics, would fit you sword, so I did not mention it. I was, however, delighted when it did.”

I picked up my sword, and returned it to my hip. “I…” I stopped talking. I had to do SOMEthing to show her how much I appreciated all… of this.

I moved to her, and hugged her around her shoulders. I heard her let out a quiet gasp of shock, and then, I felt her hug me around my waist.

“Thank you Winter.” I whispered in her ear. “These gifts… are beyond anything I ever expected. Worth more to me than any amount of platinum…”

Winter giggled. She pulled away from me. “I am glad you think so, Blue Eyes, as I have to confess something…”

I looked confused. “More secrets?” I chuckled “I… don’t think I can handle any more.”

“Secrets?” Winter asked. “No… not mine. The Empress.”

“WHAT-” I began to exclaim. Winter quickly slapped her hand over my mouth.

“Shush.” She said sharply. “Keep your voice down.”

I nodded.

She removed her hand. “Thank you. Now… what I am about to tell you, I do not tell you easily.” She placed her index and middle fingers on both her temples, and massaged them. “I learned this secret with great difficulty, and I have lived with it for many months.”

I grabbed her shoulders. “What secret? Winter. Am I in danger? Are you?”

Tears sprang to her eyes. “Blue Eyes…” she shuddered “The Imperials… they were the ones that destroyed our village.”

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[lesamis]

Please tell us about owen wilde and yourself!!!

happily, anon! i’m titling this over-long response “Literary Gay Crushes On Keats: The Wilde & Owen Feature”. 

wilde’s writing on keats is stunning. keats plays something of an odd role in gay literary iconography among english writers: he’s an object of desire as much as of identification; his appearance, the sensuality of his poetry, and his perpetually unfulfilled sexuality all provide obvious reasons for this. but wilde’s affection for keats was intensely personal. he writes that he loves keats, that much is easily said, but the list of attributes he provides is detailed, generous, and a little bit quirky. he even mentions the cat anecdote. 

differently put, wilde admires keats’s poetry in a literary sense, as his open appreciation of beauty fits right into the aesthetic movement, but he also sees it as an expression of youthful genius and sensual tenderness that resonates with him on a more personal level. he ascribes genuine beauty to keats himself, his character, his body. he was approached by keats’s niece, emma speed, when he toured america, and through her acquired access to some of keats’s manuscripts. thanking her, he writes: 

[…] now I am half enamoured of the paper that touched his hand, and the ink that did his bidding, grown fond of the sweet comeliness of his charactery, for since my boyhood I have loved none better than your marvellous kinsman, that godlike boy, the real Adonis of our age, who knew the silver-footed messages of the moon, and the secret of the morning, who heard in Hyperion’s vale the large utterance of the early gods, and from the beechen plot the light-winged Dryad, who saw Madeline at the painted window, and Lamia in the house at Corinth, and Endymion ankle-deep in lilies of the vale, who drubbed the butcher’s boy for being a bully, and drank confusion to Newton for having analysed the rainbow. In my heaven he walks eternally with Shakespeare and the Greeks, and it may be that some day he will lift “his hymenaeal curls from out his amber gleaming wine, | With ambrosial lips will kiss my forehead, clasp the hand of noble love in mine.”

Again I thank you for this dear memory of the man I love, and thank you also for the sweet and gracious words in which you give it to me: it were strange in truth if one in whose veins flows the same blood as quickened into song that young priest of beauty, were not with me in this great renaissance of art which Keats indeed would have so much loved, and of which he, above all others, is the seed.

he also wrote two sonnets, the grave of keats and on the sale by auction of keats’s love letters, as well as this essay in his memory. 

owen finds it similarly easy to identify with keats, but, i think, for different reasons. their lives were strangely parallel; they were born a century apart in the respective 90s of their age (keats 1795, owen 1893), died young, suffered much, and left remarkable literary legacies. keats’s influence is extremely obvious in owen’s earliest poems, some of which are literally about keats, like written in a wood, september 1910 (“Yet shall I see fair Keats, and hear his lyre”), or this sonnet. 

owen admired keats’s style and agreed with his philosophy, but keats was also an object of hero-worship and affection that translated directly to owen’s later love for sassoon. he writes to his mother about the strangeness of his own love for keats, as “to be in love with a youth and a dead-un is perhaps sillier than with a real, live maid”. in fact, if you read owen’s letters from this time and have also read keats’s from when he was a similar age, it’s really difficult not to get emotional about how similar they are in tone. owen was trying to trace keats’s path through england, seeking out locations where keats stayed in hampstead and teignmouth, in what he describes as a “pilgrimage”. keats did exactly the same in the footsteps of his own literary heroes a century earlier.

all this, then, is wrapped up in owen’s most famous letter to sassoon:

I held you as Keats + Christ + Elijah + my Colonel + my father-confessor + Amenophis IV in profile.          What’s that mathematically?          In effect it is this: that I love you, dispassionately, so much, so very much, dear Fellow, that the blasting little smile you wear on reading this can’t hurt me in the least.

as opposed to wilde, to whom keats seems to have offered above all else aesthetic inspiration, i think to owen, keats was a source of comfort and security. this is why he recognises him in sassoon, who “fixed” his life: keats appears to have been something of a home to owen, a point of orientation, recognition, and safety. to which i can only say, from the bottom of my heart; well, fuck. 

(my own gay crush on keats, while utterly insignificant and also embarrassing, is still kind of a product of this same tradition: one that transfigures keats and has been doing so since shelley wrote adonais. keats had people who loved him dearly when he was alive; everything that came after is as much imagined as real. loving keats, as we do, after his death, is far more meaningful for each person who loves him than it could ever be for keats’s memory.) 

[keldae]

Questionable Timing

Ahhh, peace and quiet. Xaja let herself onto the roof of the safehouse and let the scents and sounds of Raider's Cove wash over her. She supposed it wasn’t generally considered wise for a safehouse to have a rooftop access, but right this moment, she didn’t care. Rishi was still warm and humid and smelled like the sea and freighter fuel and the collective smell of a thousand pirates and smugglers, but it was still better than the stifling environment inside the safehouse.

Some part of her was starting to regret Force-throwing Jakarro into a waterfall after she and Sorand had complained about his pungent odour one too many times. The scent of a wet Wookiee was not for the faint of heart, or for those with Force-enhanced senses.

The Jedi spread out her robe on the roof and laid down, feeling Rishi’s sunlight on her pale skin and lazily stretching not unlike a felinx cat. It was rare, especially with this Revanite crisis ongoing, for her to simply have a moment away from her responsibilities as ‘Master Taerich’ and just let herself be, without the trappings of the Order. Loose capris, a tank top, and bare feet; a far cry from the Jedi’s usual garb (never minding the lightsaber within easy grabbing distance, should it be needed). This was comfortable and private and --

The rooftop access door opened, and Xaja almost groaned when she heard the footsteps. The groan was stopped when she heard the voice. “Whoa, sorry -- didn’t know you were up here. I’ll just go --”

“Nah, it’s all right, Theron.” Xaja cracked an eye open to peek at the spy and gestured with her hand for him to approach her as she sat back up. “Jakarro still complaining about everything and everyone?”

“If it’s not him and Dee-Four, it’s Korin. Was throwing him in the waterfall with Jakarro really necessary?”

“Hey, take that up with Sorand. I was only responsible for Jakarro getting a shower.” Xaja grinned. “Maybe Korin shouldn’t have been making jokes about Jedi and Sith agreeing being the sign of the galaxy’s imminent demise.”

“If I wasn’t afraid of getting tossed in the ocean, I’d agree with him.” Theron smirked as he sat down beside Xaja and shrugged off his jacket. “Oh, that breeze feels nice.”

“Mmhmm. These cultists do seem to be leading us to all the fun beach-filled worlds so far.” Xaja laid back on her spread-out robe and very nearly purred in the sunlight. “Sunshine, oceans, jungles…”

“The noises of a thousand rowdy alcohol-filled smugglers and the wildlife in said jungles trying to eat them all, and us…”

“Hush, you. Let me go back to focusing on the good parts of this entire fiasco.”

Theron laughed and laid down beside her, using his jacket as a pillow. Xaja realized, with a start, that he’d never full-out laughed like that before; the most she’d heard from him before was a chuckle, or an amused-sounding huff of air. He has a really nice-sounding laugh, was the traitorous thought that raced through her mind before her Jedi training could squash it. I wouldn’t mind hearing it more. “Good parts of this? We have friends now in the upper ranks of the Empire, you’ve found out that you have a family, Darth Imperius is the nicest Dark Council member I’ve ever met and I’m reasonably sure he doesn’t have any intentions of killing me…”

“Little brother or not, I’d kick his ass if he tried. I haven’t gotten to know the SIS’s best agent just to let my Sith brother out on a murder spree.” Xaja grinned. “See, it’s not all bad.”

“I feel oddly special.” Theron smirked. “So, Master Jedi, are you out here escaping the incredible smell of wet Wookiee or the noise of said complaining Wookiee?”

“Would you believe me if I said I’m just solar-powered and need sunlight to be able to function?”

“Don’t redheads burn in the sun?”

“You can’t smell the sunblock?”

“Not really, not over the smell of those thousands of unwashed pirates and their ship fuel.”

Xaja laughed. “It’s still better than what’s downstairs right now.”

“Good point. There’s remarkably less whining out here too. Jakaroo would have gotten on with this one contact I had on an op years ago…”

The Jedi curiously tilted her head at Theron at that. “Oh, I’ve got to hear this story. Unless it’s classified?...”

“Nah.” Theron looked over and grinned. “So I was on Brentaal IV…”

Somehow the conversation shifted from Theron’s various shenanigans as an SIS operative (and the odd tale of Xaja’s adventures as a younger Jedi) to personal backstories. “... And that’s the story of how me losing a dare involving two swoop bikes and a monkey lizard wound up leading to my first kiss,” the spy finished, his ears reddening -- and Xaja was pretty sure it wasn’t due to the sunlight. Some part of her secretly thought it was cute. “And the story of how I wound up getting sucker punched by her boyfriend that I didn’t know she had.”

“I can’t decide if I’m sympathetic or just greatly amused.” Xaja grinned and watched Theron’s ears go a darker shade of red. “Was she good, at least?”

“... Ish?” Theron smirked. “She wasn’t terrible.”

“As far as ‘first kiss’ stories go, that’s a pretty good one.” Xaja laughed and rolled onto her stomach, letting her back get some sunlight.

“What, do you have one to compare?” Theron’s grin widened when he saw the Jedi's cheeks go pink and leaned over to nudge her arm. “The venerable Master Taerich has a first kiss story? I need to hear this!”

Xaja groaned and buried her face in her arms as Theron laughed. “Okay, so for context, at the time of this I was something of a naive twelve-year-old…”

“This has got to be good.” Theron rolled onto his side to give Xaja his full focus, his grin still wide and eager. “I’m trying to imagine the Order’s primary kicker-of-asses as a little twelve-year-old...”

“Shush, you! I was with Master Allende at the time. We did a lot of commuting between Tython and Dantooine with her work for the Council. On one of our visits to Tython, we met up with another Master-Padawan team. That Padawan in question was called Kich -- he was… I want to say three years older than me? Far more well-traveled and wise in the ways of the galaxy, and when he told me I was pretty, well…” She could feel herself blushing.

“Awwww, you had a crush on another Jedi?” Theron laughed. “That’s adorable.”

“I was twelve! And he was cute! And Master Allende kinda kept me sheltered!” Xaja tried to hide her face in her hands again until Theron leaned over and tugged her hands back down, in a surprisingly gentle touch that made her pulse race. Trying to ignore the way her heart skipped a beat, she went on with her story. “We were out on one of the training paths, he was supposed to be helping me out with preparing for one of my trials as a senior Padawan. Long story short, uhh… He didn’t really do what he was told, and after telling me that he thought I was the prettiest girl he’d ever seen, he, uh… Well, that’s how my first kiss happened.”

“That sounds like there’s more to the story than just that.” Theron grinned and nudged her arm. It almost made Xaja miss the sudden flare she felt dance across his Force-signature, something that felt… Protective? Dark? Jealous? That’s impossible. “C’mon, out with it.”

Xaja groaned, feeling her cheeks head up more. “So, this was years ago. The Flesh Raiders weren’t as big of a threat as they are now, but they were still a problem then. Three of them jumped us right around then, and Kich, being the paragon of everything the Jedi stood for, bravely ran away to get help. When the Masters got to where I was, I was up a tree with a damned stick for a weapon with the Flesh Raiders prowling around the base of the tree, and mad as hell for understandable reasons.”

Theron burst into laughter again. “So you got rescued by the Masters and presumably did not start dating that other Padawan on the sly?”

“Oh, hell no.” Xaja grinned and ruefully shook her head. “I was running punishment drills in the training rings for the next week -- not for the kiss, which I didn’t really tell anyone about, but more for punching Kich square in the nose when I saw him back at the Temple. Incidentally, that was also my first time meeting Master Orgus.”

“What, was that punch the reason he finally decided to finish your training?”

“Nah. He decided I was his next Padawan after my best friend and I rigged up paint bombs in the Council chambers a couple of years later. Master Kiwiiks told me a couple of years ago that he actually called dibs while Jakar and I were running laps around the Temple grounds. Apparently being gutsy enough to grin while your mother was reading us the riot act impressed him, not that he would have admitted it to Master Satele.”

Theron finally got his laughter under control and wiped a tear away from his eye. “Your Jedi training experience sounded way more fun than mine did. Master Zho never taught me about the long-lost art of Jedi pranking or romance.”

“Well, clearly your education was incomplete.”

“Apparently.” Theron shifted beside her; Xaja felt his arm brushing against hers. Had he always been that close to her? “So… any other embarrassing first kiss or pranking stories?”

“None quite that hilarious,” Xaja confessed as she tilted toward him. She was a Jedi, dammit, she should not be feeling her heart race when she realized just how close he was to her, close enough to see the fleck of amber in his hazel eyes, close enough to feel his breath. “The other stories tended to involve alcohol-induced lapses of judgement. You?”

Theron softly snorted. “Nah. None worth remembering.” He grew quiet for a moment; Xaja watched his gaze flicker from her mouth back up to her eyes. “Want to make a better story?” he murmured, his voice suddenly low and husky and sending a delightful shiver up Xaja’s spine that she desperately tried to deny.

You’re a Jedi Master, dammit. This is not what you do. You know the Code, and you know what happened the last time you broke it for a man! But Theron felt nothing like Darren Kota had, his Force-presence warmer and brighter and less scarred with hatred. Xaja felt a warm flood pool in her lower abdomen as Theron shifted closer to her, his hand settling over hers, warm and solid and surprisingly gentle in his touch. He hesitated in moving his face closer to hers, as though expecting her to deny him, or giving her a chance to get out. And she knew it was what she was supposed to do.

Her body rebelled against her mind and wavering discipline. She felt her nose brush against his as she moved in, his breath tickling her fair skin. She could feel his pulse race as he angled his face, and closed her eyes as she just felt the first brush of his lips against hers --

“Master Taerich! Agent Shan!” Dee-Four’s yell sent a sudden jolt through Xaja that had absolutely nothing to do with Theron and the kiss trying to happen. Her eyes flew open and a gasp escaped her lips as Theron quickly jerked his head away from hers, his ears and cheeks going red despite his best efforts. A second later, Jakarro poked his head out of the roof hatch, Dee-Four on his bandolier as per usual. “There you two are! We’ve been looking for you!”

“What are you discussing up here?” Jakarro asked, his dark eyes narrowing suspiciously.

“Nothing,” Theron quickly said; he sounded remarkably composed, even if she could still hear a slight shake to his voice. “It’s classified.”

“Whatever it is, it can’t be more important than what Agent Taerich just found. He’s got a location on the Mandalorians led by the one called Torch!” Dee-Four almost sounded smug, or was that just Xaja hearing things? “He’s waiting on you two before he briefs everyone.”

Her father had the worst kriffing timing, and the damn droid-and-Wookiee duo were even worse. “We’ll be down in a second,” Xaja mumbled as she sat up and gathered her robe up. “Tell my father we’ll be right there.”

“Sure, once you finish your classified discussion.” If a droid could leer, Dee-Four would be doing so. He and Jakarro vanished back down through the access hatch before Xaja could tell them off; she groaned and looked over at Theron.

He was still blushing and running his hands over his face, trying to regain his composure. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled when he looked back at Xaja. “If I’d known they were…”

“It’s not your fault.” Xaja shook her head and tried to force her breath back to something approaching steady and composed. “It… uhh…” Kriff, what was there to say right now?”

“... Yeah.” Theron sat up and caught Xaja’s hand in his before she could escape back into the safehouse. “If you want, we, uh… we can continue this discussion sometime later.”

I’m a Jedi, and you’re everything I’m not supposed to be looking at or getting attached to. I can’t, you know that I can’t… “I’d like that.” She smiled despite her racing pulse and trembling fingers, and felt Theron squeeze her hand in a gesture that was all at once familiar and sweet and gentle. The moment was passed, broken by that damned droid, but Xaja still wanted to linger and stay with Theron a little longer despite her vows to the Order, stay longer and --

“Oi!” That was Korin's voice yelling up through the access hatch. “Are you two coming or what?”

For kriff’s sake… “Keep your hair on, we’re coming!” Xaja shouted back at her brother, and looked back at Theron for only a second before slipping her hand free of his and re-entering the safehouse. She took a quick second to make sure nobody was watching her before she gently touched her lips, still feeling a fire where Theron’s had brushed hers in something that was almost a kiss. You’re a Jedi, she stubbornly told herself. It can’t happen, no matter how badly you want it…

She didn’t see Theron linger on the rooftop for a long minute and silently indulge in a long list of frustrated expletives as he tried to get his own heart to settle down before he rejoined the rest of the conspirators inside.

[nettheworldonfire]

Less Than.

It’s been awhile.  Let’s catch you up to speed.

June 13th I had a CT scan that showed NO progression, and POSSIBLY necrosis on some of the tumors on my liver.  (Necrosis = death, so yay!) Dr. Rose said that was as good as we could have hoped for and thought we should move forward with possible embolization through Penn since they seem to be the experts in NETs. He wasn’t sure if the clinical trial of chemo/bland embolization was running currently due to Covid, so he said I should reach out.   I scheduled the consultation appointments, which were originally not until August, but got bumped to July 22nd.  

My in-home phlebotomist was a no-call, no-show on the 30th, so I called my office and found out there was a mix up, and they were scheduled to come the same day as my injection, so I had to go to Labcorp in person.  I was pretty anxious about that since we aren’t do to much real-worlding these days, and they may or may not be doing Covid testing there, but I mustered the courage, and went.  There was only one person in the waiting room and only two employees, one of which dealt with me from beginning to end exclusively.  Everyone was masked up; it was smooth and painless. (Shout out: I ALWAYS have a good experience at the Labcorp on Easton Road in Abington, near the hospital.  They are rockstars!) Those results came back looking a-okay. 

I had my 5th Lanreotide injection on July 2nd and met with a very stressed Dr. Rose who still may or may not be retiring, due to some major changes with the hospital. He said labs and scans were good, and to keep him posted about my appointments with the folks at Penn.  Overall, I felt fine after the injection.  My GI issues are still relatively prevalent after the Whipple, so I never know if what I am dealing with is “normal” or an issue.  And right now, with you know, the world crumbling, it could just be stress.

So fast forward to the 21st, the day before my appointments, and I get a call that Penn doesn’t have the scan images or pathology report and that maybe we should reschedule my appointments (you know, the ones I’ve been waiting a month for).  They said the problem with this was that the doctors like to look at them in advance.  Although, a point I brought up to the nurse, I don’t see how much advance looking was going to be done after 6 pm the night before.  So we rescheduled my 10:30 a.m. call with Dr. Soulen to 6 p.m. so there was time to review, in the hopes that SOMEHOW I could get both reports and images to their office between the call and the appointments. Without any other options, my gracious husband made the one hour drive, and carted them into Penn at 7 am on the 22nd.  (Only to spend 20 minutes there looking for the building, since I was never told any information as to where the doctor was located with my appointment being through telehealth, and like a dummy, didn’t ask.)  Images delivered, and I get a call at 9:45 ish saying Dr. Soulen is still calling me at 10:30  again (and now my mother, the child pacifier, won’t be here in time, since I told her to come later when the appointments were rescheduled).  

My first call was with Dr. Michael Soulen in interventional radiology.  I introduced him to the two-legged noise makers who would provide a classic toddler soundtrack, and he seemed pleasantly on board with the situation.  

My mom did show up during the call just as things got hairy (Charlie had all the cushions off of the couch and my cat litter barricade was no longer stopping Olive from making a bee-line for the steps).  Gram to the rescue, as per usual.

Dr. Soulen liked my June scan.  He said it was great because that meant we didn’t HAVE to embolize (despite him mentioning several times how seeing a liver like mine makes him drool because of how much he enjoys embolizing livers).  Dr. Soulen said that the treatment plan should be “to ride the horse until it gets tired” because we only have so many horses.  Therefore, we stay on the Lanreotide until it stops doing what it is supposed to before trying something new, as the treatment options are limited and there isn’t data on whether or not they can be repeated multiple times successfully.  Especially with someone who has a history of a second cancer (Hodgkins) and chemotherapy.  He also clarified some things about the embolizations.  He said that a bland embolization and chemoembolization both cut off the blood flow to the liver, something we cannot do, because during my Whipple they removed a duct that helps my pancreas get rid of bile and bugs, which now filter into my liver.  Normally, this isn’t a major issue, but when you embolize a liver like this, it will cause a liver abscess in 20% of patients, landing them in the hospital for a while (because a serious infection like this requires IV antibiotics) and obviously with two little ones and Covid, that’s not something I’d like to risk right now.  There is a third type of embolization - radioembolization - that instead of cutting off the blood flow, shoots in little radioactive beads that are attracted to the tumors and give a very direct dose of radiation to them.  This makes patients a bit more fatigued, but only has a 5-7% rate of abscess or infection, which is better, of course.  That being said, none of this is the plan for now, and may not be for several years, as long as the Lanreotide keeps doing its job (he estimates 3-5 years at best).   

With all of that information and hearing that the Lanreotide is not expected to work forever, I really wanted a more accurate prognosis, although nothing is certain in the world of cancer.  He said that he has some patients who do these drugs and trials and make it into the double decades - but those are usually the grade 1 tumor patients (I am a grade 2, grade 3 being worse).  So, he said a single decade is more in tune with what patients in my situation should expect - but that 5, 10, 15 years is possible.  While I WANTED to hear some real talk, and I didn’t expect to hear that everything is good, that was still a little jarring.  At 37, and with a 1 and 3 year old, 15 years might not even get me to high school graduation, and that’s the high end.  Thinking about leaving my family in the next 5-10 years is beyond terrifying.  He said that my liver right now is functioning as it should.  It’s “more cheese than holes.”  I should be glad for that.  I am.  

Here you can see my two scans.  Left is June, right is February.  This may not be the perfect shot (I was trying to take a screenshot while we were talking), but you can kind of see some of the white spots (cancer) with some blackness (necrosis), so, that’s cool.  

The second call was with Dr. Ursina Teitelbaum, the oncologist who specializes in neuroendocrine cancer.  She was awesome to chat with, as always, and agreed to take over my care - something I needed to ask because Dr. Rose is ready to pass me along like the worst re-gifted patient ever.  I also asked her some morbid questions and was particularly surprised to hear her response, too.  She said had my June scan indicated progression in any way, it would have likely meant a 1-2 year prognosis.  I am a little annoyed and confused as to why no one said anything like this to us in previous visits.  I mean, you’d think someone with toddlers deserves to know that they may only have 12 months to live, especially when they are currently spending their time in quarantine and not doing any of the things that mean the most to them.  She agreed with Dr. Soulen, we should hold off on the embolization for now, and wanted to see me again (virtually) in September.  She also said she would get another scan scheduled for me for before that appointment and that we could plan for someone to come to my home to do the Lanreotide injections, rather than have to get into Penn each month for that when I am trying to work and parent this fall.  

One thing that she said that stuck with me, was that she believes this pandemic is going to get a lot worse this fall, and that regardless of what happens, we should be careful, but not limit visits with loved ones.  We need our family and friends around us for support.  We need that connection.  While maybe her message was to “live like you are dying” because I am, in a way, dying, I think she is living this way too.  I think she believes that the damage that months and maybe years of this will do to our psyches may be greater than the risk of getting Covid (not worse than actually getting it, but again, being “safe” and careful, in masks, etc.)  Just something to think about, especially for my family.

In other news, my anxiety has been through the roof (not surprisingly so - I did get diagnosed with cancer exactly a month before we got hit with a global pandemic, ya know).  After a talk with my primary, we upped my Lexapro dosage from 5 mg to 10 mg last week.  According to my OBGYN, that’s still a very low dosage (they said they prescribe 20 mg to woman for PMS sometimes, so there’s that), so we will see.  I really think I need something for panic attacks, other than a 32 ounce frozen margarita from Mad Mex.  They get costly.  My primary has given me a couple Ativan doses to hold me over as the new dosage of Lexapro kicks in and wants me to follow up in three weeks.  Til then, expect more of a “hot mess” than you’ve seen before.  Please note, hot does NOT indicate I look good right now, and “seen” is perhaps the wrong word, too, since, I barely SEE anyone.  Just forgive me, I’m losing it.  

* Dark side: Change in plans: Cancer probably WILL kill me, afterall.  

* Bright side: Being chronically ill may help to keep me working from home this fall, instead of returning to the cesspool known as high school.  Maybe.

* Next steps: 

7/27/20 between 8:30-10:00 a.m. - home visit from phlebotomist 

7/30/20 at 9:30 a.m. - Lanreotide injection #6 and appointment with Dr. Rose

9/20 - Next CT scan in Valley Forge (instead of my super close Willow Grove location), date TBD

9/22/20 at 9 a.m. - Telehealth appointment with Dr. Teitelbaum

Morbidly accurate GIF: 

[invinciblerodent]

Propositioned by the Billionaire Moose - A moose(!!!) shifter romance liveblog (Part IV)

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4. We’re making our way through this, aren’t we.

And let me take the time to say this now- I read a couple reviews on Goodreads because that’s just the kind of person I am, and…. I’m honestly shocked how many good things people have to say about this? Both the book, and the author’s other works? Because this.... is objectively pretty bad. Or blah at best. 

Makes me sad for the people who read this and thought it was good, because to be quite honest with you guys… to have your baseline for quality be this, you have to be reading some truly garbage books.

And I’m not saying that in reference to the genre, I LOVE me a good romance, I have read many, and it’s actually super easy to get me all tingly and blushy on the inside. This is just bad.

(Seriously, the last thing I read where I remember feeling all fluttery was when -spoiler alert- the romantic subplot in Artemis reached its end, and there was almost ZERO buildup there. They just… were friends, did some stuff together, and then kissed. And that was it. That was enough to make me like them, because the protagonists weren’t charmless dingbats with no communicative ability whatsoever.)

Okay. Chapter 10. Here we go. Let’s get. Through. This. (So I can start reading things I actually want to read. Yet another sidebar, the biggest downside of working in a bookstore isn’t that my manicure chips literally on day 1, but that every day, I end up coming home with a note in my pocket of like…. six titles of books I wanna check out. Upside, since it’s all Hungarian translations, most of the time anything with a foreign author is already available in English online, heeeeeeeeeey)

(For reference, right now the tabs of books I have open are this, a Hungarian erotic novel [the author of which recently came to our store for a signing [and he was super nice so I wanted to see his work- not impressive but decent, and I enjoy it more knowing that the dude is just generally a real Quality Person and tbqh hot as hell but you didn’t hear that from me], A Handmaiden’s Tale, and a book about clinical depression. I am a very colorful person with varied interests.)

To kick things off, I’m starting to think that after writing, the author just did a search-replace, and changed every time they said “female” to “feline”. I sure am starting to read the two in the same voice. (Which is to say, every time I see “female” as a noun, in my head I do that shrill, exaggerated voice Jim Sterling does when he says it, like “FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEmale”. FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEline.)

Oh, and Melanie apparently doesn’t understand the concept of why someone would want to open a door for her, just out of courtesy. Which, okay, I don’t require it either, and it does make me feel kind of eeeeengh inside, but I mean it, this woman literally does not understand it. And if that was an attempt at making her come off as a feminist, it backfired, and ended up making her come off as startlingly ignorant. She should have just said “I don’t need/want it, thanks”, and I would have respected her a lot more than I do for “uhhhhhh why would you do that????? I can open the door too????? Why is that considered polite???????” and getting back in the car to be mischievous, and by that I mean waste my fucking time.

She also makes holding hands sound like he’s dragging her across the courtyard, and boy, if that ain’t accurate. (tbh, ten chapters in, and this guy has yet to properly turn into a moose. At this point I want an Animorphs-style transformation that vividly describes the agony of his innards liquefying. I want explicit details, my man. I want to read about his digits fusing together into a hoof.)

Anyway, they have a butler who calls him “Master Bryce” and her “his lady friend” (even though she’s supposed to be his fiancée, not his gal-pal), and for a couple chapters there I legit forgot what his name was.

Melanie is beside herself because it’s all so beautiful and luxurious. And not to be a party pooper, but I’m also a poor fuck speaking here, and that’s obnoxious. Both the four paragraphs of descriptions of his lavish wealth and her going gaga over it. Ew.

Anyway, Bryce is surprised that Chanice is Rory’s fiancée (which I called, like, five chapters ago) because he’s a big dumb idiot, and here comes Grandpa’s Smelltest. Hope she remembered to wear deodorant, I know how stinky cats can get.

Ah, delightful. Remind me why Bryce hasn’t told her shit yet? Like, I think he knows that she has no idea, so??????? Why doesn’t he tell her? Why did he not first transform in front of her to make sure she believes him? Because if HE can tell and HE knows it can’t be faked, why does he not demonstrate that she can trust him???????

Then again, what am I doing, wanting proper communication in a bad romance novel. What am I doing. Why do I not learn.

So all five of them proceed to engage in very hostile small talk with one another, and both she and Bryce mutter unfortunate things under their breaths. I guess it’s a match made in heaven, with how the both of them appear to have no filter. Lovely couple, shit-talking, out loud, in company.

I’m starting to really like this Rory character. At least he has some damn insight. Shame that the book is blatantly setting up some sort of murder-ploy against our lovely and not at all fucking immature hero, but whatever. Remind me to be surprised when Rory turns out not to be their cousin, and to attempt to murder Creepozoid.

Anyway, with that, a physical fight breaks out, and Grandpa Piss (because I sure as fuck am not calling an 80-something man Theo) just shrugs and literally says “boys will be boys” while his grandson and nephew pummel each other on the ground, and, appalled, Melanie….. leaves? She straight up walks out? I assume the other girl just kept eating because there is no mention of her, but... can we all agree that this is weird?

Like, does that sound like someone trying to sell being ready to marry one of them? Wouldn’t you worry about the person you love getting socked in the face? Or really, just, if you see a physical fight break out in a room where there are literally only five people, at least yell “stop” or something? Isn’t that natural? I thought it was?????????

So, she has the really bright idea to walk home, but he ends up following her in the car, slowing beside her, and growling at her to get in, but she’s being stubborn because reasons, but eventually, she realizes that walking alone in the woods at night is stupid, and gets in.

WHAT CHARM. OH YEAH, THE GUY WHO JUST INITIATED A FISTFIGHT OVER A FAMILY DINNER DURING WHICH HIS “FUTURE WIFE” WAS TO MEET HIS ONLY LIVING FAMILY. THAT GUY IS CHARMING BECAUSE HE SAID SOMETHING SEXIST.

Chapter 11 just switches POVs in the same scene, and I’ve gotta say my piece about this- I hate it when books do that. When they flip-flop between two perspectives within the same story. I hate that. It’s jarring as fuck. It’s okay when the chapters are long and, say, the story follows multiple threads (like in The Song of Ice and Fire) or multiple timelines (like in Broken Earth), but FOR GOD’S SAKE, if your protagonists are sitting in the same car, together, having a conversation, what is to be gained by switching which one of them we focus on? You want to show us what they’re thinking? THEN HAVE AN OMNISCIENT NARRATOR. IF YOU DON’T WANT TO STICK TO ONE PERSON, WHO SAID THAT YOU HAVE TO USE THIRD PERSON LIMITED. JEEZ.

Anyway. Getting sidetracked. That’s just a pet peeve of mine, and apparently tonight I’m very scatterbrained. This is not helping.

So Bryce’s perspective is just…. Inconsequential. He doesn’t really have interesting thoughts. He’s, like, thinking about how Melanie is Cool and Different because she’s repulsed by snobbery, and that that must mean she likes HIM as a person and not his money.

Personally, I don’t think there is much about this dude to like. He’s just… aggressive (as demonstrated), quick to anger, selfish (not only in his treatment of Melanie, but he also used the word “steal” regarding an inheritance he was never given, which made me wonder what makes him think it was his in the first place), and has no idea what the words “back off” mean. Again, red flags galore.

He also seems to get a boner every time he sees her.

I don’t get The Straights, man. I don’t know why you, the most likely straight female author, would project onto your characters that you want the dude you’re on a date with to be constantly thinking about sex, and not, say, getting to know you. I’m too queer for this shit, and I still like dudes too????????

Oh, and he also says that his grandpa might be spying on them, so he kisses her, I quote, “before she could protest”. Meaning that she intended to protest. Charming.

So they start making out on the porch anyway.

S I N C E W H E N

Does this author know that moose are prey animals? I know they’re huge and dangerous and are capable of killing bears and wolves and stuff, but THAT DOESN’T MAKE THEM FUCKING PREDATORS?????????

I mean, if he thinks of himself in the second sense, then yes, I can get behind it, but the first, nah. Nah son, you’re the hippo of the forest. The only reason you’re not actively hunted and eaten is because you’re big, and most predators in your habitat are simply not big enough to hurt you.

Maybe “moose” was another search-replace? Like maybe the author was going with a bear at first, and then decided that that would make the book 98% identical to five others, so she changed it to a moose in the last second?

Who knows.

The chapter ends with his phone ringing, and she rushes inside (maybe she should have been the deer, she seems to be fleeing from everywhere), and the caller telling him that the factory is on fire.

Which would make for a twist much more interesting, but with the end of the chapter we cut back to Melanie’s POV, and since she can’t sleep, that’s what we’re talking about. Not the factory that went up in a blaze for no particular reason, but the fact that this girl can’t sleep.

Eugh. So I had planned to stop there, but since we’d be leving on a weird note, here’s. Chapter 12. The nurse (Martha? Lots of M-names here, I think the mom was something like Maizie or something like that, makes distinction hard) drugged Melanie’s mom and left. She worries through the night about not wanting to get involved with Bryce, and in the morning, he shows up covered in soot. They literally skipped the most interesting thing that has happened in this book so far in order to spend two pages reiterating what had already been said like four times.

I’m as bored as you are.

And instead of going home to shower and sleep (which is what I would do if I had been wearing my uncomfortable suit from yesterday, while dealing with a factory fire all night), he comes to her house to ask her out for lunch. Because nothing is sexier than a picnic with a stinky, messy, unwashed man who has not slept all night, I guess. At least outside the stink won’t be obvious?

The next exchange between her and her mother, I have to show to you guys so you’ll know I’m not exaggerating.

Keep in mind, Melanie is supposed to be 22. (I swear, her age fluctuates WILDLY between, like… 15, and 45.)

See what I mean when I say this woman is a cartoon character? What human being talks like this? To her ADULT DAUGHTER? This is either a case of the author being too hamfisted to intentionally create an unlikable character (they are quite capable of making it happen on accident, given our dashing hero), or this character grappling with some… much deeper issues. Like, even if she thinks Melanie isn’t mature enough to date (AT TWENTY FUCKING TWO YEARS OLD), yelling abuse at her is… not the way to handle this?

And yeah, I still don’t care for Melanie as a character, but man, I can’t help but feel offended on her behalf.

Also the mother chooses now to say that Melanie’s father didn’t leave them, but that it was her who grabbed an infant, and left her husband because she suspected that he was cheating. Allegedly. At this point I find even that questionable because this is Just That Kind Of Book™ where the female guardian is unhinged and irrational, and the man will SURELY turn out to have been perfect and right all along.

Anyway, she runs out, and they drive to the woods they first met.

One more annoying thing, and this isn’t specific to this book but I’ll say it anyway- I don’t know how being a shifter would work, not that I think about that a lot, but listen. If you literally had the impulse to react to anything like an animal… I don’t believe that these High Profile Bachelors™ with such piss poor impulse control could ever achieve the status among normal humans that they appear to have. Like, she wants to literally yowl, as a human, because they went to a woods she went to as a lynx and got attacked. How is the guy who INITIATES A FISTFIGHT OVER A FAMILY DINNER going to be a CEO? How? How has he yet to go moosey and tackle half the crew?

I mean I’ll believe it, but only if I……… moost.

Back to the story, she doesn’t want to go to the woods because duh, wolves, and this happens:

I refuse to engage. I’ll just plop this here, and move on.

Also, please stop treating your weird impulses and animal persona as if it was a person separate from you.

This is still not sexy. Or cute. She’s playing will-they-won’t-they with herself, and it’s not cute. These dumb games are still what I consider to be Straight People Bullshit, and they make me sad for the readership and what kind of infuriating, unhealthy relationships they might have been in.

Glad to announce that he’s finally about to tell her that he’s a shifter too and that he knows that she is, btw. Which, yay. Only took him half the book. Call me the Cassandra of Romance because I fucking called it one chapter ago.

I’m sorry, I’m still not over the moose thing. It’s the sparkly vampire reveal all over again. Like it’s supposed to be frightening, but instead it’s just goofy. “I’m the moose” is just GOOFY. Luckily, Melanie seems to share my amusement.

Also, flock of meese.

Anyway, that’s chapter 12, and it was quite enough for now. Next time, we’ll have a real fun time running around the forest. I hope. Idk, this one ends with him tackling her, so really who knows if I’m gonna have a fun time.

The next part can probably be expected… on saturday the 9th. Take care of yourselves, don’t let the weremeese bite you.

[everlarkficquestions]

Sunday Stumped Day 19

It’s another Sunday Stumped Day.

Sometimes we straight out get stumped.  So each week on Sunday we’ll post of a list of asks that we need your help on.

If you have an answer to any of these shoot us a message/ask/reply with the Post number and the fic number and we’ll add it and give you a shout out with our thanks. Any links you can provide will also be super helpful.

Thanks!

Post 1 , Post 2 , Post 3, Post 4, Post 5, Post 6, Post 7, Post 8, Post 9, Post 10, Post 11, Post 12, Post 13, Post 14, Post 15, Post 16, Post 17, and Post 18 can be found here - and there are still fics we need your help with.

220.  ariiiii-briand said to everlarkficquestions:

There's a one shot a read once and everlark's son learned about the games at schools so his big sister went to talk to him because he didn't wanted to talk to his parents. I also remember that the girl had a boyfriend named thom and peeta hated him. Ring any bells?

POSSIBLY!

Perspectives by MalTease

OR!

Golden Child by thesagaciousowl which has been deleted (we can’t find it).

Thank you @ally147writes and @jobanana4!

221.  amazinglovers747 said to everlarkficquestions:

Hi I'm looking for a fic where Katniss and Peeta are together and Katniss's dad isn't happy about it and they end up running away together after he kicks Katniss out to find a place to live and a job. It ends with Katniss and Peeta happy being in their own bed. Ring any bells?

FOUND!

Refuel, Restore, Realign by Jennagill

222.  strangerwinona said to everlarkficquestions:

Hi! I'm looking for a fic. For what I remember is that Katniss poisoned Peeta and he died. In his grave she admitted to poisoning him and he heard. Katniss was also pregnant with his child. Thanks.

223.  smiling-cheshire-cat said to everlarkficquestions:

Hi! Do you know the name of the fic in which Katniss and Peeta kinda break up and Katniss has an accident in a lab?

224.  animekpopxx said to everlarkficquestions:

Hiii I'm looking for this one shot story of an older katniss and she's married to peeta. She gets really insecure of her age and peeta comforts her.

FOUND!

The Best Time is Now by ImagoBeginsAgain

Thank you @imagobeginsagain!

225.  iwish777 said to everlarkficquestions:

Hi I'm looking for a fic I read a while back about Katniss and Peeta watching the second quarter quell and figuring out how Haymitch won. It is set in the growing back together timeline. I think Peeta also teaches Katniss how to make bread.

226.  craftydiva0828 said to everlarkficquestions:

Looking for a fic where the mayor makes Gale marry Madge and Gale and Posey go to the bakery to order a wedding cake (Strawberry ?) and I think this gets Peeta the chance to talk to Katniss. Thanks in advance!

FOUND!

Love Without Reaping by IzzySamson

Thank you @norbertsmom!

227.  transponstering said to everlarkficquestions:

The second fic I'm looking for is also a non reaped AU that's really old, like 2013/2012 or earlier. I can't remember anything but a makeup scene where Peeta is at the train station with a brother unloading baking supplies and Katniss goes to see him and asks for forgiveness or something? I'm sorry it's so vague, but I can't remember anything else about it :( Thank you so much for this blog and if you can find either of these fics! <3

PROBABLY IS

Unfolding by hgfan1111, but It's been deleted.

Thank you @shesasurvivor​!

228.  thecutestdemon said to everlarkficquestions:

Hello, do you know a oneshot collection for everlark? Like a HADS story but everlark version?

229.  everlark30 said to everlarkficquestions:

Can u help me find a story where its based in high school and katniss is popular and cato is snows son and he wants katniss to be with him. Then they find out that peetas mom had an affair with snow and she got pregnant with peeta and hes snows son to.

230.  princesagitana28 said to everlarkficquestions:

Hello, a while ago I read a fic based on the song BadReputation of ShawnMendes I would like to know the name of the fic. Thank you

FOUND!

Bad Reputation - LynnHM

Thank you @kdlovehg!

231.  thelifeofthisfangirl said to everlarkficquestions:

Hey! I'm trying to find a fic where Peeta has a flashback and I think he might hurt Katniss or something and then he runs off and hides in the cabin in the woods and Katniss finds him and they have sex. Thank you! I love your page!

232.  ifyouwanttoknow-why said to everlarkficquestions:

I was wondering if you knew of any stories told from peeta's pov post mockingjay? ⭐️

Check out the Post MJ Section of our POV: Peeta Masterlist

233.  chaed-ffnet said to everlarkficquestions: 

Hey guys. Looking for some Peeta's-time-in-the-Capitol and/or switched captivity fics. You got something for me?

FOUND!

Monster by heathenpesticide

Thank you @cmoon-2-mars!

Also check out our AU: Katniss Hijacked/Taken to the Capitol Masterlist.

234.  shydestinystudent said to everlarkficquestions

Hi. I am looking for a fic where Gale shows up at Katniss and Peeta's door thinking he and Katniss are still together and only finds out she is with Peeta and has a child when she gets back. I read this a while ago but I can't remember the name and I really liked it.

FOUND!

Fidelity by FightforFiction

Thank you @craftydiva0828!

235.  austrailiantraveler said to everlarkficquestions:

I forget the name but there was a fic where only Peeta goes to the Quell and Katniss thinks she saw him die in a cave.

FOUND!

Either Way by bellissimaanima

Thank you @icbiwf!

236.  booksandchocolatesmears said to everlarkficquestions:

Do you know of any AUs based on Sense8?

237.  that-winchester-guy said to everlarkficquestions:

Hi, sorry to bother you guys. I'm looking for a fic from Peeta's point of view of when he wakes up and discovers his leg is missing

FOUND!

Influenza by hutchabelle

Thank you @hutchhitched!

238.  zimbabae said to everlarkficquestions:

quite a random question, but do you know the post-mj fic where peeta and katniss are growing together? And there’s a scene where they kiss and get flour over themselves and haymitch catches them?

FOUND!

Pheonix Rising by burkygirl

239.  uniquepizzacollectionblog said to everlarkficquestions:

hey are there any fics where katniss and peeta agree on like 'whoever falls in love first loses' something like that. thanks :)

240.  fangirlingoverquotes said to everlarkficquestions:

Hi!! Could you recommend a Athlete!Peeta fic where he loses his leg? Thank you!

FOUND!

26.2 by authoresskika

241.  mysticamente said to everlarkficquestions:

Any ffs post Mockingjay with Gale visiting district 12?

242.  austrailiantraveler said to everlarkficquestions:

Are there any fics where Peeta is seriously injured and Katniss stays beside the hospital bed because she's worried about him? Thanks 😊

243.  fangirlingoverquotes said to everlarkficquestions:

Hi! I've just read 'Best Man' and '1 year, 6 months, 2 weeks' and I absolutely loved both! Now, I was wondering if you know more fix in which Katniss knows Peeta because of Prim's marriage? Thank you!

FOUND!

Tuscany, my love by LitLove

Thank you @ive-got-a-bad-feeling-about-this!

A Softer Place to Land by SoThere

244.  talesoffan said to everlarkficquestions:

Hi! Can you help me find the fic where in peeta and his brothers were forced to work in the mines? Thank you so much

FOUND!

Slow and Steady Wins the Race by PoppedTheP

Thank you @icbiwf!

245.  talesoffan said to everlarkficquestions:

I just finished reading marblez What doesn't kill you, where in Katniss was a sentinel and Peeta a guide, do you guys know any fic which are similar? Thank you!

246.  sunsetsrmydreams said to everlarkficquestions:

I'm not even sure what Masterlist to look in. I am searching for a fic where Peeta goes into the Quarter Quell alone. And he gets scratched by poison claws and then he and some other tributes are "killed" in a cave in. Katniss gives up and goes a little mad and shoots a arrow at a reporter the shows up at Peeta's house. 13 takes her and she finds out Peeta is alive.

FOUND!

Either Way by bellissimaanima

Thank you @icbiwf​!

247.  hdchrcv said to everlarkficquestions:

any fics where katniss has awful anxiety about her pregnancy?

FOUND!

You're Going To Be So Happy by sec982

Thank you @icbiwf!

Do any of these fics ring a bell, please let us know!

[tarisilmarwen]

(Semi) Coherent Season Four Trailer Thoughts

Okay well, Capitol City is on fire, apparently, and if this shot wasn’t nightmareish enough we have plural people screaming for each other specifically calling for Ezra and Rex a few times.

Cut to Ezra bolting upright in a field, disoriented.  So the above was either a nightmare he was having or some kind of Force Vision.

Probably a bit of both.

Long shot of Ezra out on the plains of Lothal.  Very alone.

Blueberry, where is your family, why are you out alone at night unsupervised?

This is gonna be a trippy episode.

“Loth-rat, Loth-cat, Loth-wolf, run.  Pick a path and all is done.“

SSSSKAHTFLAKSHFLAFKHAF ARE YOU SERIOUSLY TELLING ME THEY BROUGHT THAT THROWAWAY LINE BACK AS SYMBOLIC ARC WORDS?!

“Pick a path”–OKAY WELL, SURE, I’LL JUST WAIT HERE IN STRESSED ANTICIPATION EZRA.

Taylor Gray had the comment, I remember, about Ezra making the most important decision of his life this season.  So yeah, the wolves episode is apparently where that happens.

Also they added some creepy reverb on the end of Ezra’s line.

Ahhh, I suspect this is our season premiere, “Heroes of Mandalore”.

That looks like a prison or secure facility of some sort, mostly likely where they are rescuing Sabine’s dad from.

Also, Fenn Rau and Tristan teaming up in the last screenshot there. :)

The first of many Kanan-Hera interactions in this trailer.

The grain here makes me think this is either via cameras or archive footage.

I’ve seen people wondering if these are ion disruptors or perhaps the weapon that Sabine made.  I think I can agree with the latter theory but these are definitely not ion disruptors.

They fire much differently.

Ion disruptors were a single shot that burst into color upon hitting their target and moving all over it.  These are some kind of beam that seem deliberately attracted to the metal armor on those Mandalorians specifically.

From how the metal is heating up it almost looks like they get cooked inside their own armor before igniting and combusting into ash.

Yikes.

Mandalorians of all colors and clans bowing to Bo-Katan, it looks like.

Possibly that’s her voiceover here, telling the Mandos to stand up and fight.

Also, my babies being Battle Couple again!

Clan Wren (plus Chopper and Ezra?) infiltrating/attacking the same facility as before.

More Mandos.

And Sabine being awesome.

LOTHAL DOES NOT LOOK VERY GOOD.

It looks rather like it has been bombed out.

Also, lotta ships.

Aftermath of some battle, with Bo-Katan, Sabine, Ezra, and Fenn Rau.

Looks messy.  Couple Imperial transports overturned there.

WAIT I JUST NOTICED THE MANDALORIAN HELMETS ON THE GROUND.

AND THE EMPTY GAUNTLETS.

SALFKSHALFKH!

Back on Lothal, surveying the same shipyard as we’ve hit before?

Looks like it has a spiffy new guard tower.

OH HI. HI HI HI HIIIIIII.

Please go away Thrawn, I don’t like you.

Saw Gerrera showing the start of his formal split from the wider Rebel Alliance.

TIE bombers bombing.

Speeder getting shot.

An an explosion throwing Ezra and Ursa to the ground, as Dad Wren cowers.

A very familiar Rebel base lol.

oH GOODY, an episode with Deathtroopers HOW FUN.

“But what about Lothal?“  LOTHAL IS A LITTLE BIT CRISPY FRIED RIGHT NOW EZRA I DUNNO HOW MUCH GOOD YOU CAN DO AT THIS POINT.

Also hi Vizago’s ship, have you come to help?

Ezra and Sabine being Battle Couple again.

Saw Gerrera’s monologue trying to convince the Ghost crew to join him?

Also Sabine infiltrating some grungy place and sniping a guard in the back.

The infiltration episode!  That one should be fun!

It does indeed look like we are gonna be running errands for Mon Mothma for a bit.

Okay I think, I THINK… Saw Gerrera is trying to ask the Ghost crew to go on a field trip with him.

Probably unauthorized.

AND ALSO APPARENTLY THEY’RE GOING TO FIND A GIANT KYBER CRYSTAL.

U-wing running an attack on that Imperial dish we’ve already seen in Trailer #1.

Possibly piloted by Saw and his companion.  From the stars in the window though it’s probably a different scene.

OH GOODY.  YELLOW WINGTIPS.

The husband says that means it’s probably an ace pilot with the freedom to have a custom paint job.

“Director Krennic has been very persuasive about his own project… Stardust.“

*DYING WHALE NOISE*

(Getting a little lazy with the screencaps here, I apologize.  The computer is pitching a fit about the length of this post.)

Looks like the same battle where Hera hyperjumped through the docking bay, awesome.

I DON’T LIKE THIS.

Aaaaand that is a Kyber crystal explosion.  WE ARE GETTING SERIOUS DEATH STAR HINTS ALL OVER THE PLACE.

Would not be surprised in the least if Lothal is secretly being mined out for parts for the Death Star.  The TIE defenders can’t be all there is.  Not with the Kyber crystals.

Yavin IV looks lovely. :)

The crew’s all here!  Minus Kanan.  Looks like a briefing for the same dish we just saw destroyed.  Plus a few shots of the Ghost on that canyon planet we’ve seen before.  And Zeb is having fun. :)

Kanan, Hera, and Zeb mission?  Is this what the parents are up to while Ezra and Sabine go off with Saw?

I see they are continuing the personal Thrawn-Hera rivalry.  And Thrawn is sending his Noghri assassin/bodyguard after her OH WONDERFUL.

Hera’s in her X-wing outfit.  On Lothal.  This is likely after her fighter strike in the first trailer, possibly part of the finale.

Go Hera!  Get him!

SO MANY WOLVES.

Ezra deep-connecting like he did with the Purgill.

Kanan in the creepy wolf cave.

IS THAT EZRA PROTECTING AN INJURED SABINE?!

*shipper squeal*

“Maybe we’re choosing the wrong way.”

OUT OF EVERYTHING IN THE TRAILER, THIS LINE WORRIES ME THE MOST.

DO NOT RUIN HIS CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT, WRITERS.  DO NOT.

Ungh, Ezra possibly choosing poorly is going to be the source of my stress all season.

I know I’ve already bitched about the theory that Ezra is DJ in The Last Jedi, mostly because DJ sounds like a completely selfish scumbag and I refuse to accept that as the endgame of Ezra’s character development.  Ezra being DJ would just erase everything that he’s learned and all the progress he’s made as a person and take him right back to the Loth-rat he was before he met the Ghost, except WORSE, WHY DO PEOPLE WANT HIM TO BE EZRA?!

Same deal here.  I will be so mad if Ezra goes dark.

Or otherwise Well-Intentioned Extremist/Knight Templar.

My blueberry is a hope bringer and a beacon of light DO NOT RUIN HIM.

A familiar shot from the other trailer leading into miscellaneous space battle shots over Lothal.

Calling it now, this is the finale.

Yellow-tipped TIE chasing that X-wing.

KANAN/HERA FRAUGHT CONFRONTATION.

Ow, bolt right to the face, that’s gotta hurt.

Ruhk stalking Kanan and Ezra in some kind of creepy horror movie factory setting.

More Kanera.

Ezra being awesome.

Hera flying into a veritable storm of TIEs.

Kanan: Jedi Sass Master.

Kanan being awesome (along with Rau).

Miscellaneous actions shots.

This looks like the same set as when Ruhk stalks them.  People have already pointed out the slave whip, and the presumed captives/prisoners behind Kanan there.  So it looks like that’s going to be one busy episode.

More Ezra being awesome.

Sabine and Bo-Katan.

Zeb fighting at the same facility Sabine sniped that guard droid at.  Probably the same episode they free the prisoners.

Space battle snippet.

SABINE SAVING EZRA!

That looks like the dish they blow up.

Chopper abusing stormtroopers.

And Ezra taking on a darktrooper, awesome.  Go blueberry.

I am SO looking forward to the infiltration episode.

Kanan surrounded by stormtroopers, while Ezra squares off against one.

And cue the Kanera shippers melting into puddles.

Kanan nearly running into a Loth-wolf on the main highway.

That yellow-tipped TIE looks like it’s going after Hera at one point.

AND WHAT AN OMINOUS SHOT TO END ON.

So!  So far the season looks like it’s going to be very busy but also very tightly written, with a lot of plot arcs coming to a conclusion.  I would not be surprised if the finale is a three-or-four episode deal.  We seem to be doing a lot of party-splitting, and Ezra and Sabine look like they’re spending a lot of time together which pleases the shipper in me.

As I said, about my only worry is a sudden shock twist that completely ruins Ezra’s character development.  (Lemme emphasize once again, I HATE the idea of Ezra turning out to be DJ.)  I am also really hoping they don’t go the obvious easy route and kill Kanan off.

Fingers crossed guys, let’s hope we aren’t completely ruined by this last season.

[invincible-selfxmade-punk]

Pull Me Under

Warning:  Long Post, no 

I really wanted to talk about what happened to me this week.

 Will I survive the night on my own?

I am a workaholic because my dad was a workaholic and he's the one who raised me I was raised and told that to ask for help is a sign of weakness. To show weakness is a sign of weakness, to tell the truth when someone asks you how you are is a sign of weakness, to slow down on any level is a sign of weakness.

 My dad live by these rules and unfortunately that caused him to die younger than he should have, falling cancer when he was normally pretty healthy.  It is also this mentality that allowed me to survive when I was left to be an orphan at the age of 20 and it is how I have lived my life since.

 However it is something that I feel needs to change now in order for me to live longer, You do not have to live your entire life in this fashion in order to survive or in order to impress people.

 I have always prided myself on not taking sick days on coming to work no matter how bad I felt and finishing my shifts because in the back of my mind I thought that any time I ever told my boss I was too sick to work they thought I was lazy, and I would go on the list of the first person to be fired if the opportunity came up.  It has always been my way to hide how I really feel, how sick I truly am, because in the long run no one cares but me anyway, and if somebody else can see that and use it as against me, somehow they're going to do it.  In the last TEN YEARS I have taken less than ten sick days from work.

 My first year teaching has changed all that because I got sick about every 2 months,  as soon as I was over one thing I was sick with something else. I had ten sick days to play with but I also had to work from 7 a.m. to 4 p.m. 5 days a week which meant I would have to take time off at some point doctor's appointments to keep myself healthy and that would eat up into my sick day time.  I think I ended the year with two days to spare and I was not going to mess with it.  

 I woke up Sunday morning knowing I was sick.  I had slept with the windows open and a cold front came in.  I could feel it growing colder but could do nothing because I was so exhausted I could not wake myself up enough to get out of bed and close them.  I woke up with chills, aches and a sore throat.  I ignored it.  I went to work.  I lasted until noon, went home and went to bed.  I should have called in for Tuesday but I did not I went to work. I had spent all of Monday freezing under 2 blankets with the heater turned up to 80 degrees.  But because I also did get some sleep and because that little bit of asleep I felt OK Tues. morning I made myself go to work.  I work the full day but  by the time it was time to go home,  I could not walk myself to my car.

 I have been fighting anxiety and dizzy spells for about a month-and-a-half so having to have someone walk me to my car really wasn't an alarm ball for me.  When I got home I tried to open some Gatorade and was shocked to find that I was too weak to get it open.  I don't own the thermometer which is something I need to change but I knew I was having a fever.  I started taking Tylenol PM but it did nothing it did not help my fever and it did not help me sleep.

 It would just so happen that I posted my symptoms to Facebook. A friend I barely knew that I had met through the Deuce fandom told me you need to go to the doctor right away you have pneumonia.  And I hate to say it but my first thought was “kid you're half my age what do you know?”.  But it did alarm me b/c he had the exact same symptoms. My sister Toni called and asked if I wanted her friend Cathy to take me to the dr.  Now normally I turn down offers like this.  Toni is now my only living sister, my family period really, and still sees me as being twelve.   And I would rather walk on broken glass than ask for help.  However I found myself agreeing to it ---maybe because of what the kid had said on Facebook--- but I still decided to go….. just not right away. I had not slept at all that night and I told my sister give me a chance to get some sleep.  The clinic I go to is open late, I could go in the afternoon .  However in the back of my own mind I was even thinking “well if you feel better after your nap just tell her you decide not to go and don't go.”

 The problem was, I couldn’t sleep, and I was getting worse. The appointed time came around I decided it was time to get out of bed………... only problem was I couldn't I couldn't make it more than two or three steps without being so overwhelmed so exhausted and dizzy I pretty much had to sit down wherever I was.  This was a problem because it is a long walk from where my house is to the driveway where you park your car as my house is in the middle of a field.  My sister’s bf Cathy is a small firecracker of a woman who could go toe to toe with the devil but is about one fourth my size.  I could not use her as a human crutch to get to the car. Again my first inclination was “go back to bed and sleep it off, go back to the doctor when you feel better” which is so ass-backwards it’s stupid, but I swear that’s how I felt.  I nearly called and told her not to come back but thank god I didn’t.  Cathy, being the resourceful woman that she is, drover her SUV through the field and up to my door.  I got into the car and she took me to the clinic.  At the clinic everyone stared because I needed a wheelchair to be brought in.

 Now let me discuss another component of why I have been reluctant to go to the doctor.  I have been going to a small clinic since I moved home and I really like it.  I recently found out that the guy I had a crush on my entire senior year of high school and freshman year of college is a nurse practitioner there whom I have not seen in 25 years. These stupid narcissistic fifteen-year-old in me would always say “Don’t go!  You look like shit and what if you get him as the one who sees you.”   I knew he worked there from calling in to get lab results from my last bouts with dizziness in April where I was given a clean bill of health.  I called the clinic to get my results only to have a friendly voice call me by my maiden name and ask (already knowing the damn answer) if I remembered him.

 So anyway at 3 pm Cathy wheels me in in the wheelchair and asked me if I want her to stay. I am already feeling guilty because she has offered to go get me some groceries which I desperately need and obviously can't get for myself so I tell her no there's no need for her to waste more time by waiting for me at the clinic just go ahead get the groceries I'll call her when the appointment is over just because I'm pretty sure they're just going to give me a prescription and send me back home.  The nurse takes my information, takes my blood pressure pulse and temperature then wheels me into another room where my worst nightmare comes true.  

 Lo and behold here comes My High School Crush. Only this time there is no witty banter no hey how you doing.  He looks at me and says   “You are very sick you need to be in the hospital.  If you were just dropped off here, I am going to call you an ambulance right now.”  He even gave me back my copay!   I know this is serious.   I called Cathy and told her she had to come back. Normal blood pressure is 120/80 and mine has always run just slightly lower than that.  A resting pulse rate for me is 85-99.   When my vitals were checked at the clinic my bp was 80/40, my pulse was 120 and I had 102 fever.

 I didn’t feel like my pulse was that fast, I wasn’t having no trouble breathing, I was just weak and tired.    BUT THAT’S JUST IT.  I’M A TEACHER, I AM ALWAYS FUCKING TIRED….just not hat bad. I got into the ER just as a trauma is coming in on an Angel Flight.  I know I’m going to be there a whle and tell Cathy to go home because there’s nothing she can do for me anymore anyway and I don’t want her to see me this sick.   My ex would never take me to the ER when I was sick, always made me go alone because he “hates hospitals, and get bored there’ so I was used to being in the ER alone. I wait about 30 min in the waiting room which honestly is not bad.   One they take my vitals they whisk me back to a bed.   They had to stick me 3 times to get an IV going, took blood, tried to catheterize me FIVE TIMES which left me literally screaming in pain (my lady parts are quite small and delicate).  I am given THREE bags of IV fluids before they can start to stabilize me.  But I’m too sick and exhausted to even be scared.

 I mean, I was scared, I knew it was serious and i prayed a lot but I literally did not have the energy to expend on being scared and worried. Those are the times I miss having someone with me.  Not in the waiting room but in the back to hold my hand when I’m getting stuck with needles and poked at and shit.  Just someone to tell me “It’s gonna be okay.”    But I didn’t have it and I haven’t that in so long I have learned to survive without it.    Every orderly, and nurse I saw (didn’t see a doctor for 4 hours) told me:  “You are one sick lady”.   But I was not in any pain, I could breathe fine, I was just so tired.

  A lady comes to go over my information.  I am asked if my sister Terri is still my emergency contact and I have to say the words “No she died two weeks ago” and it is hardest thing to say.  I wanted to follow it up “in this very ER” but I don’t.    As they are wheeling me down the halls to get a CAT scan on my chest I see the inside of the hospital really for the first time and it hits me fully:  THE LAST TIME I WAS IN THIS HOSPITAL WAS WHEN MY MOM DIED WHEN I WAS 12 AND NOTHING HAS CHANGED.   So now not only am I middle aged, helplessly sick and at the mercy of the world, I am also 12 years old, helpless, at the mercy of the world and watching my mom die.  Every door we pass looks like the door to the room she died in.

Now I know why I had nightmares of hospitals all the time when I was in college.  It never made sense then but it does now.  It was this hospital I was dreaming of and now I’m right back there.

 At 8 pm I am told I have pneumonia and am “septic”, which I had to literally google when I got home.  I knew it was not a good thing to be and always thought it meant your blood had been poisoned.    At 9 pm I am told I am being admitted.  At 10 pm I meet some of the nicest nurses I have ever met in my life in the ICU unit. The exact same ICU unit and quite possibly same room my mom spent a good deal of the last days of her life in as well.   On my fifth bag of IV fluid my pulse has only gone down to 108 and my blood pressure has only poked up to 96/56.   I am tied to so many machines I feel like I’m in the Matrix.  I don’t sleep for three days and getting out of bed to walk two steps to the toilet (which I am now having to do every 15 min b/c of the IV fluids) is enough to leave me out of breath and push my pulse rate back up.   This is also hard because of all the tubing and leads attached to me that I must pull, balance and not step on or let get tangled.  The bed is an ergonomic nightmare that is impossible to get up from even though it is just inches off the floor. It takes 10 bags of IV fluids, 3 bags of antibiotics, 3 shots in the stomach for blood thinner (PAINFUL) and three bags of potassium and magnesium before my vitals get to anywhere near the normal range. There are literally pages more I could write but I am still recovering and need some sleep.

[omelettedufromage-24601]

Wrong Number

Pairings: LawLu, ZoSan. Summary: Inspired by the prompt we all know, Person A sends a message to Person C without meaning to as they thought they were texting Person B. Warning: Tons of humour!

AO3 - Fanfiction.net Chap 1 - Chap 2 - Chap 3

Enjoy!

CHAPTER IV

“Luffy.” – Zoro

“Your cat tried to eat my computer cable, again.” – Zoro

“It's so big how can it even want to eat something more?!” – Zoro

“Do you even give food to it for it to behave like that?! Is it naturally big or??” – Zoro

“Oh God.” – Zoro

“It tried to damage my stuff again that motherfucker” – Zoro

[…]

“Luffy.” – Zoro

“It peed on my clothes, again.” – Zoro

“This is the third time this week, and we're only tuesday, Luffy!” – Zoro

[…]

“LUFFY.” – Zoro

“IT PREVENTED ME FROM SLEEPING TWICE IN LESS THAN TEN MINUTES.” – Zoro

“THAT'S IT.” – Zoro

“I don't want it anymore in this flat.” – Zoro

“If you don't give it away, I will.” – Zoro

[…]

“WAIT NO! Don't throw him out! Zoro!” – Luffy

“Oh yeah? Why not?” – Zoro

“We already had the same story with the old dog, the rats and the parrot, we'll just repeat it again.” – Zoro

“You actually liked them!” – Luffy

“Yeah, well they were still annoying. Bulky.” – Zoro

“I don't believe you” – Luffy

“Thing is, I don't like this cat.” – Zoro

“Meatloaf is perfectly fine, and you'll get used to each other. You don't throw people out because they annoy you! Just tell him not to do it again and he'll understand.” – Luffy

“You realize it's not a person, right?” – Zoro

“I value Meatloaf as much as anybody else!” – Luffy

“Plus, it's not his fault if he started eating your stuff! He's hungry! You'd do the same if you were! And you sleep all the time, of course he'll wake you up at some point!” – Luffy

[...]

“Sanji agrees with me and said you were lazier than a cat.” – Luffy

“Fuck the cook he doesn't know shit about that stuff.” – Zoro

[...]

“Are you kidding me, this cat isn't well educated that's all. And there's no cat food anywhere?? -And what about the pee?” – Zoro

“Where's the litter??” – Zoro

[…]

“I forgot.” – Luffy

“...” – Zoro

“Okay.” – Zoro

“I'm throwing it out.” – Zoro

“DON'T!” – Luffy

“If you do I swear I will never talk to you ever again.” – Luffy

“You're not even able to take care of it, Luffy!” – Zoro

“I will! Sanji says he's gonna help. He loves cats.” – Luffy

“The ero-cook doesn't live with us! He's nothing to do with that!” – Zoro

“Give Meatloaf a month. You'll get to like him.” – Luffy

“It's not only me. It hates me too.” – Zoro

“Nonsense!” – Luffy

[…]

“But if nothing has changed, Meatloaf's out right?” – Zoro

“I have your word?” – Zoro

[…]

“Yes.” – Luffy

“Deal.” – Zoro

“But I'm calling it 'Nuisance' from now on.” – Zoro

“You did it only to bother me, didn't you?” – Zoro

“Yes.” – Sanji

“Bastard” – Zoro

“Screw you, curly brow.” – Zoro

“Anytime you want, Moss-for-Brain.” – Sanji

“Luffy?” – Usopp

“Yeah?” – Luffy

“I was wondering...” – Usopp

“About that Tra-guy you talked to me about and all” – Usopp

“What if he was some kind of a serial killer creep?” – Usopp

“A serial killer?” – Luffy

“Yeah! Look- how many times did it happen? The nurse was the killer, the detective was guilty of everything... Dexter, The Mentalist- aren't all those shows about it?” – Usopp

“You think Torao's a serial killer because he's a doctor?” – Luffy

“Basically, it could be a possibility, yes.” – Usopp

“Okay I'm gonna ask him!” – Luffy

“What?! No don't ask you really think he's gonna be honest?? AND what if it's true?! He might come for us to keep his secret! For himself! Himself- alone!” – Usopp

“But everything you said are suppositions right?” – Luffy

“Yeah?” – Usopp

“Let's just get a confirmation to it already then!” – Luffy

“Don't! Luffy! Really-!” – Usopp

“Luffy!!” – Usopp

[...]

“You're really asking him aren't you?” – Usopp

“I should have known better” – Usopp

[...]

“Next boat to Antarctica doesn't look too expensive.” – Usopp

“Have you ever killed someone before?” – Luffy

“No” – Torao

“Why not?” – Luffy

“My job is basically to save lives, Luffy-ya. Why the question?” – Torao

“Yeah but that could be your cover! The best murderers are acting from the inside, and no one ever suspects them!” – Luffy

“Stop watching TV” – Torao

“Or stop believing everything Usopp tells you” – Torao

“How did you know it was Usopp??” – Luffy

“Because of, hm, the fact that you're always telling me everything your life perhaps?” – Torao

“Shishishishishi I keep forgetting.” – Luffy

[…]

“But tho, have you?” – Luffy

“What?” – Torao

“Killed someone” – Luffy

“For God's sake. No.” – Torao

“Okay! :D” – Luffy

“And you believe me?” – Torao

“Of course, why?” – Luffy

“I could lie.” – Torao

“Are you?” – Luffy

“Nope.” – Torao

“Then why trying to confuse me and create problems when everything's ok? ٩(•̤̀ᵕ•̤́๑)૭✧ ” – Luffy

“You're really-” – Torao

“What?” – Luffy

“Nothing.” – Torao

“[Picture MMS]” – Luffy

“See? Torao's a nice guy!” – Luffy

[…]

“I'm not convinced.” – Usopp

“If you don't trust him, trust me! (^◡^)/” – Luffy

“If you say so...” – Usopp

“By the way, Chopper bought a new game and asked us to come over to help him figure out how it works :D” – Luffy

“I'M ON MY WAY!” – Usopp

“Haven't you noticed anything?” – Nami

“You must add more details to this question, if you want me to answer properly Nami-san” – Robin

“I meant, about Zoro and Sanji. Don't you think something changed, between them?” – Nami

“Indeed, I noticed that.” – Robin

“You did?” – Nami

“Yes. They probably made out, but are too proud to tell us. So we'll just wait for them to tell us when they will feel ready.” – Robin

“What?!? You knew??” – Nami

“This is quite obvious.” – Robin

“But Sanji didn't say anything when I asked him about that evening!” – Nami

“Try not to beat them up, it took them time.” – Robin

“Exactly! And patience! And those bastards didn't even tell us!!” – Nami

“You know how they are” – Robin

“I will make them regret this.” – Nami

“May I ask why you are so invested in their relationship, Nami-san?” – Robin

“I made a bet with Usopp. He owes me.” – Nami

“[Picture MMS]” – Nami

“I won the bet.” – Nami

“A-Absolutely not! Those are just hypothesis!” – Usopp

“How dare you?” – Nami

“I won't believe it until they show or tell me themselves they are in a relationship.” – Usopp

“You...” – Nami

“Alright. You will eventually understand I was right it, and pay me what you owe me!” – Nami

“We'll see about that!” – Usopp

“(≧∇≦)/” – Luffy

“(つ◉益◉)つ” – Luffy

“ᕦ⊙෴⊙ᕤ” – Luffy

“ᕙ(▀̿̿Ĺ̯̿̿▀̿ ) ᕗ” – Luffy

“...” – Torao

“You discovered how to create emoticons, didn't you” – Torao

“Yeah! ╰(✧∇✧╰) That's super fun!” – Luffy

“Am I... the victim on whom you decided to test them all?” – Torao

“Maybe ｢(ﾟﾍﾟ)” – Luffy

“Please stop” – Torao

“Why, you don't like it? C'mon Torao! It's way too fun! (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧” – Luffy

“I'd rather have your babbling about how bored you are than that.” – Torao

“(ง ʘ ʖ ʘ)ง" – Luffy

“If you don't stop I will most definitely block you, Luffy-ya.” – Torao

“You wouldn't!” – Luffy

“I'm very serious” – Torao

“Just because of smileys?!” – Luffy

“They are annoying.” – Torao

“You're no fun.” – Luffy

[…]

“You did say you liked better my messages when I'm bored though!” – Luffy

“I... did say that.” – Torao

“What about you just send me one emoticon too and we're even? I'll stop harassing you with them. I promise.” – Luffy

“An emoticon?” – Torao

“Yeah!” – Luffy

“Only one?” – Torao

“And you'll stop?” – Torao

“Yeah!” – Luffy

“But do not choose a common one!” – Luffy

“...” – Torao

“੧| ‾́ー ‾́ |੭" – Torao

“Shishishi you actually did it!” – Luffy

“Yeah” – Torao

“Shishishi~” – Luffy

“Boss.” – Shachi

“Boss?” – Shachi

“Law?” – Bepo

“Yeah?” – Law

“Are you ready to go?” – Bepo

“Go?” – Law

“Next appointment...” – Bepo

“Right.” – Law

“Why are you texting me? You're like, on the very next room.” – Law

“You didn't answer when Penguin called you so we sent you texts, as you spent a lot of time on your phone lately” – Bepo

“What's so interesting with it by the way? A new technique you've found on the internet, or some surgery book online?” – Bepo

“Yeah, kinda.” – Law

“Kinda?” – Bepo

“Don't worry about that. And I'm not deaf, next time just come in.” – Law

“Come in? Well, Penguin did come in” – Bepo

“And?” – Law

“You didn't notice his presence.” – Bepo

“He didn't say anything.” – Law

“Usually, you do notice people.” – Bepo

“I was concentrated.” – Law

“On surgery?” – Bepo

“[Picture MMS]” – Bepo

“What's that supposed to mean?” – Law

“You were so focused you didn't notice him taking a picture of you, and I'm surprised to see such an expression on your face while working on surgery...” – Bepo

“Get to the point” – Law

“Penguin and Shachi told me you met someone online! Why didn't you say anything?!” – Bepo

“Why, is this important?” – Law

“It is! I barely see you taking interest in anyone, this is super-rare!” – Bepo

“Do we have to talk about it now? I believe we have an appointment in five minutes.” – Law

“I'm coming.” – Law

“Nice way of changing subject..." – Bepo

"Oh shit we're really late!" - Bepo

“[Picture MMS]” – Luffy

“Is that a cat?” – Torao

“Yeah, he's mine! His name is Meatloaf!” – Luffy

“Let me guess; you chose the name” – Torao

“Yeah! You know me so well Torao!” – Luffy

“How old is he? He looks bad” – Torao

“No idea, I found him on the street on my way home. He was dirty and hungry and he followed me so I just took him.” – Luffy

[…]

“[Picture MMS]” – Luffy

“Is he... sitting on your roommate's face?” – Torao

“For some reason, he likes to do that. Maybe it's because of Zoro's hair colour? I have no idea why he acts like that but he likes Zoro's face.” – Luffy

“... Is that a normal thing according to you?” – Torao

“I don't know? Everyone's different? Sanji took pictures last time. It was hilarious! This cat really is awesome!” – Luffy

“Though I named him Meatloaf, Zoro's calling him Nuisance...” – Luffy

“Sure, especially if the cat's trying to choke him during his sleep using his weight, wonder why.” – Torao

“I'm pretty sure they'll eventually get along.” – Luffy

“People say it's good to have hopes.” – Torao

“But in spite of your unbreakable faith I am doubtful.” – Torao

“You'll see I'm right!” – Luffy

[...]

“Shit” – Luffy

“He's meowing for food I forgot to buy him some” – Luffy

“What are cats allowed to eat?” – Luffy

[...]

“I'm a doctor, Luffy-ya, not a veterinarian.” – Torao

“I'll just give him what I have.” – Luffy

“[Picture MMS]” – Luffy

[…]

“You didn't actually give that to him, did you?” – Torao

“That's all I have!” – Luffy

“Luffy-ya, please don't feed Meatloaf the purple carrot” – Torao

“How on Earth do you manage to have vegetables with this colour?” – Torao

“I don't know” – Luffy

“I just don't really pay attention to them in the fridge so I guess I forget about them.” – Luffy

“And since Zoro often goes out lately” – Luffy

[…]

“I think Meatloaf actually likes it.” – Luffy

[…]

“I told you not to give it to him” – Torao

“I do what I want!” – Luffy

[…]

“You can be so childish sometimes” – Torao

“If you want to poison him that's the good way to go” – Torao

“He's fine!” – Luffy

“Of course he is” – Torao

“I'm off to sleep, good night!” – Luffy

“Try to sleep too!” – Luffy

[…]

“Good night” – Torao

“So, how's it going with your new friend?” – Bepo

“Still vexed I didn't tell you about it?” – Law

“And he's not my friend” – Law

“You told Shachi and Penguin!” – Bepo

“I didn't. They stole my phone.” – Law

“I should have done that too...” – Bepo

“There's a password now.” – Law

“And you don't trust us anymore! I'm hurt” – Bepo

“You just said you wished you'd stolen my phone” – Law

[…]

“Ok, but what are you talking about?” – Bepo

“Nothing.” – Law

“Nothing? How can you exchange so much without saying nothing?” – Bepo

“We don't communicate that much.” – Law

“Are you kidding me? Answering other people than your colleagues is a big deal for you.” – Bepo

“If you say so” – Law

“Yeah!” – Bepo

[…]

“But really, what are you talking about? I'm curious now” – Bepo

[…]

“Law?” – Bepo

[…]

“He sends me emoticons, and talks about food.” – Law

“Really? What kind of emoticons? Don't you hate those, tho?” – Bepo

“[Picture MMS]” – Law

“Omg this one (ง ʘ ʖ ʘ)ง looks just like you when you're about to start a surgery! Look, I can almost see the dark circles under its eyes.” – Bepo

[…]

“I was kidding, Law!” – Bepo

“Are you really going to ignore me now?” – Bepo

[…]

“Are you sure that's one of your conversations though?” – Bepo

“I mean... 'I'd rather have your babbling about how bored you are than that.' that's not like you” – Bepo

“Is it?” – Bepo

“Damnit” – Bepo

[…]

“Don't tell me you don't at least appreciate him!” – Bepo

[…]

“You know you can't block me right? We need to contact each other anytime because of our job!” – Bepo

[…]

“I thought we were best friends...” – Bepo

“Or at least friends!” – Bepo

“:'(“ – Bepo

“If I reply you'll stop harassing me?” – Law

“Law! You're not mad at me?” – Bepo

“I'm not. But just stop talking about him” – Law

“Understood.” – Bepo

[…]

“Still, you like him don't you?” – Bepo

“Bepo” – Law

“Yeah right sorry!” – Bepo

[Group conversation]:

“You were right, I can't believe it.” – Bepo

“Told you so!” – Shachi

“Yeah” – Penguin

“I've never seen him like that!” – Bepo

“I can't believe it.” – Bepo

“You already said that.” – Penguin

“I can't believe it.” – Bepo

“Again.” – Penguin

“No but” – Bepo

“I think he can't believe it.” – Shachi

“Oh my god you two” – Penguin

[...]

“What if he's been replaced by someone else, looking just like our boss?” – Bepo

“Would have noticed it, wouldn't we?” – Penguin

“Yeah I'm noticing it now!” – Bepo

[...]

“Do you think they met?” – Shachi

“...” – Penguin

“...” – Bepo

[…]

“We can't ask him can we” – Shachi

“Definitely not” – Bepo

“But we have his number” – Penguin

“We do?” – Bepo

“We do.” – Shachi

As always reblogs, likes and comments are appreciated to motivate us, authors, to update more! Thank you for reading!

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