#that way hardcore haters of it probably have it blocked

[im-not-a-l0ser]

Max: You saved my life. I am now your humble servant Richie: What? Max: It's the bully code! I live my life by it *hands Richie card* Richie, reading: If a nerd should save a bully's life, the bully is the nerd's slave for life. Richie: Should is mispelled. Max: Duh. It was written by bullies. Richie: Well that's... nice, but I don't want a slave. Max: Too bad, you got one. Richie: Nope, bye. Max: I will empty my mind of all thoughts except Richie. Max: There, that was easy.

[arsonkoobi]

taekooker to jikooker: my personal experience.

this is merely how i felt and all the things i saw while being a hardcore taekooker for almost a year and a half. if you get offended, im sorry but the unfollow and block button is right there, i dont mind. i love taekook themselves, but i can no longer look at them in the way i used to. now they genuinely look like best friends to me. people change, and their perceptions and views on different aspects of life change. thats what happened to me.

I first joined this fandom 5 years ago in mid january 2018 through my friends. taehyung was my first ever bias, so most of the bts related yt recs i had were mostly of taehyung and ot7, and occasional ship videos among which taekook was the most prominent. me being a curious lil unsuspecting lamb, clicked on one, it also helped that my friends were taekookers as well so i dived pretty deep into the rabbit hole of taekook. im gonna be writing my thoughts and experiences on shipping taekook at different times of the year. i dont remember every single detail clearly (like this was 5 years ago) so forgive me if i sound vague at times plus this will only be a summary. without further ado, lets start, shall we?

february-march, 2018

by this time, i already watched quite a few taekook analysis videos, i also came across a few tkk_lives' videos(i think i came across her vids like much later but i just included it here) as well as other deluded channels. i fell even deeper into the rabbit hole. i thought taekook were the epitome of boyfriends silly in love, i felt like they had the best chemistry and that they were the ones whose ship actually made sense. i feel so embarrassed to admit this but one of my rather major reasons for shipping them was how good they looked tgthr🤦‍♀️(im a changed person now i promise). now i realise many tkk analysis channels tend to heavily edit things to make it look like theres something going on, overanalysing things to no end, it made me see them as if they were closer than they actually are, and as if theyre hiding something, but it was really just heavy and clever editing that forces your mind to get convinced. it was quite literally manipulative. plus back then, i was rather immature and hadnt even been in a rltnshp yet, so i blindly believed whatever they said. i believed every narrative and every theory they put out even if i knew lots of them didnt even make sense. they constantly also put out the jealous jungkook/taehyung whenever the other breathes next to another member..as i now realise, thats one of the biggest toxic traits a person can have. they were always pushing tkk as a toxic relationship without even knowing it(or just ignoring it). i also do not like jikook analysis vids where they are portrayed as the same territorial mfs who cant stand the other interacting with anyone else but himself. bc thats literally pushing their relationship as a toxic one and making them look toxic, and i would rather not do that.

march/april-september, 2018

i only watched taekook vids and funny bts moments for a long while as a baby army. i didnt watch official content very much, i ddint even know how to watch official content..i didnt know bangtantv existed yet💀 this tkk analysis watching continued for around 4 or so months after i became an army before i took an unintentional break from them(analysis vids) and i went on twitter. twitter, was so much worse(as i now realise). i didnt have an account at that time and learnt to browse on twt without one(it doesnt really let you do that anymore). at first, i found nothing weird or unusual and i enjoyed lurking on twitter, but slowly i started to see the ugly side of the community. i found multiple accounts directly or indirectly hating on jimin. i was weirded out. very weirded out. i was quite conflicted but..i only thought of it as jimin haters who were coincidentally tkkrs, maybe i refused to see tkk shippers in a bad light? probably, unfortunately i cant remember much and as i said, i was immature.

october-december, 2018

i stumbled across gcf in tokyo somewhere in october, i think it was in a fanwar on twitter and a jkkr said "at least we have this" or sumn along that line and put a link to gcft . idek how i didnt see it earlier. immediately after watching it, i felt..weird, conflicted, insecure. insecure about my ship. it seemed so romantic to me even then. but ofc i didnt let myself give up immediately, and i searched interviews + info about it, i found tkkrs saying vminkook were supposed to go tgthr and jikook only went bc they had a few days off and tae didnt. that gave me a lil bit of security and i held onto that thread of security and refused to believe or even hear out the actual fact(which i will come to later). as you can see, i was a stubborn mf. inside i knew that even if tae not having time off was the "only" reason behind jikook's japan trip, it was still unusual and suspicious to go on a trip with only your "bro" when said "bro" has told you and the world multiple times that they wanna go on a trip alone with you, when the hotel room you're staying at with your "bro" has a see-through glass wall for the bathroom and when you make a whole love confession in the guise of a travel log for your "bro" while your boyfie is waiting for you at home.

in conclusion, i was very insecure.

did i give up? no, not yet. we're getting there.

so as a masochist and out of curiosity caused by insecurity, i searched up jikook videos on yt, thinking "there's no way they could ever have more chemistry than taekook 🙄" - when i tell you i was wrong as fuck, i mean it. i was HUMBLED. the chemistry and tension between jungkook and jimin was undeniable. i felt uncomfortable watching some certain moments, felt things that i didnt feel while shipping taekook, saw things i didnt see in taekook.

i was confused plus the sinking feeling you get when you've been too loud about what you think and your opinions but then it turns out you were a stupid ass bitch.

there was a plethora of jikook vids, and i think my first jikook video was from Made in Busan, ig it was the "serendipity" analysis? back then it made lots of sense to me, but now it looks slightly overanalyzed (i still believe "serendipity" is very much connected to jikook tho). i slowly got more introduced to jikook in general. this mainly occured in like the first week of october and december as i had my boards in november.

december/january-february, 2019

so its been more or less of a year since ive become a tkkr, gcft is still in the back of my head screaming at me. and then jikook drop another bomb. that is, 2018 MMA.

this..was just, just..i cant explain it in words. jungkook had every bit of his attention directed towards jimin, they were giving each other loving glances, jimin giving jungkook a flying kiss, jungkook giving jimin a finger heart, jungkook subconsciously massaging jimins nape..it was just so domestic and coupley. i've never third wheeled so bad in my life. i felt like i was interrupting something by watching them. imagine how hyunjae next to them felt😔✊not to mention how it very much looked like jungkook was saying "남편"[ nampyeon] meaning "husband" and "형의 남친"[ hyung-ui namchin ] meaning " hyung's boyfriend" in their conversation after jimin pointed to himself and jungkook (forgive me if the spellings/romanizations are not accurate enough, im not fully fluent in korean). plus, after jungkook said it, jimin smiles and shyly looks down..LIKE??

watch from 31:00 to see for yourself. im not kidding.(p.s i love this video so much)

i was bamboozled. i was shocked. i was frustrated. i was feeling stupid. i was begging for taekook to drop something mindblowing or sumn that would regain my secuity in the ship and i found some moments during other award shows but, it didnt feel the same. to me it was really looking like taekook had boundaries and limits between each other, the limits that apply when you're good friends. but with jikook, i couldnt see how their gazes towards each other could be passed off as anything platonic, how their actions+body language could ever be seen as platonic.

so what did i do? did i give up? oh hell no im stubborn as fuck. but we're getting there.

i ignored every jikook moment and brought my focus back on taekook, i started watching analysis and moments again. in a span of a few weeks, the security around my ship had improved after pretending that i didnt feel like a stupid mf after MMA 2018. haha. it sorta worked lol. sorta.

march-may, 2019

these were my last months as a taekooker.

after all that shit, all i wanted was more taekook moments to make me feel better about myself. and i did get quite a few. however, as i said before, they looked like they had boundaries. i couldnt look at them exactly the same.

i was busy in april with my class tests, i doubt i had much time to catch up with the boys. so when the tests ended, it was most likely in the last week of april or the first few days of may.

we all know what happened in the first few days of may, don't we? in case you don't, this is what happened.

surprisingly, i clearly remember the first time i got to know about it.

it was in class, i just arrived and then one of my friends and i start talking and she goes [this convo is all translated from bengali]

"hey did you see what jungkook did at the latest concert?"

"no, i didn’t, what did he do?"

"he went and literally sucked on jimins ear!"

i was shocked once again, my eyes went wide, my heart did a backflip..all that shit. i didnt believe it at first.

"don't joke around like that, you're being absurd" i said.

"im not kidding bro, he sucked jimins ear in the rosebowl concert last week, ill send you a link too"

when i got back home, sure enough, the link was there and i saw jungkooks ear nibbling in all its glory, albeit a bit low quality. but no doubt he took that ear into his mouth and i knew it.

surely i must've given up now? no, but im this🤏 close we're almost there i promise

i went online and found lots of tkkrs denying that jungkook ever took jimin's ear into his mouth and that jimin's ear only got caught on jk's chin. but..if it got caught on jk's chin then that means his chin was behind jimin's ear, and his lips must have been at least kissing jimin's ear, given that we couldnt see them very well. the lip we could see was the upper lip, which again lead me to be believe that jungkook did indeed, suck jimin's ear.

yeah, my faith in tkk was crumbling into millions of pieces. because i couldnt see how jungkook, being in a supposed relationship with taehyung, could do that with tae's best friend. i sure as hell wouldnt let my partner get away with that, nor would i ever do that myself with someone else other than my partner. even if its to comfort them. it just goes way over platonic boundaries.

i was seriously considering shifting over to jikook by now. but before that, i searched lots of shit up abt jikook.

there i saw an interview where jimin talked about the tokyo trip with jungkook. what i believed until now was that vminkook were supposed to go tgthr but jikook were the ones with time off, and tae didnt have time off. jimin said he told taehyung and jungkook that he wants to go on a trip to Japan. he didnt say he wanted to go on a trip WITH taehyung and jungkook. yall, ive told my wishes to go to japan and turkey multiple times to my friends, does that mean im taking their asses with me? no. mind you, jimin has said he wanted to go on a trip alone with jungkook multiple times in their rookie era. on jimin's bday of 2017, jungkook tweeted a pic of him(jimin) with the caption "Its not over yet.." and shortly after, we find out jikook went on a tokyo trip by THEMSELVES with no staff, no managers and no other members. dropped off at the airport by jungkook's dad and brother and jimin's dad. jungkook paid for everything and put a hell lot of time into making the masterpiece that is gcf in tokyo WITH a bgm of a gay fucking song by a queer fucking artist and showed the fucking rainbow colored ferris wheel at the line "love is a road that goes both ways".

also

its clear who the main model of gcf is.

you can deny the trip being only for jikook, but you can not deny the symbolism and significance shown in gcf in tokyo. saying "jungkook didnt understand the song, hes not fluent in english" - is so small minded and belittling.

saying he didnt show jimin on the parts "boy, im holding onto something, wont let go of you for nothing, im running, running just to keep my hands on you" on purpose is not only straight up denial but also understimating jungkook's intelligence and artistic capabilities, saying that jungkook isnt smart enough to get the meaning behind these words. and just because hes korean. thats fucking racist if you ask me.

then i discovered the iconic osaka vlives, i was convinced. it was my last straw along with rosebowl.

alas, after around a week of denial, i gave up and became a jikooker in mid may of 2019. ive never looked back. over the years they've only given us more and more evidence and i doubt my beliefs will ever change soon.

i hope this was kinda fun to read, i had been planning to do this for a long time. im glad i finally got to say my thoughts out here. thank you for taking the time to read this<3

[wildpeachfarm]

See the thing is with streaming its going to die regardless, yes companies handing out less contracts is killing it further but its already dying at a fast rate? I'm not a stream hater either btw I really enjoy them but like. For example. 2020, 2021? When school was remote and I only ever worked mornings because of covid hours? I was clocked into that Philza 8hr stream DAILY. I was scheduling my classes around those streams so I could do homework while listening/watching. Went as far as to use my monthly speaking privilge to ask Phil what date British Daylight Savings began so I could keep my schedule clear. The second everything was no longer remote, and store hours went back to normal, I maybe caught 2, 3, maybe 4 streams in that year before I decided enough was enough about QSMP and I LOVE hardcore content.

From a company standpoint I can see why YT may not be interested in handing out streamer contracts anymore. Like Dreamie and a few others they're recognizing the Covid Number Boom is over- but unlike Dreamie, because theyre a corporation, they can't just "stick it out" and "recelebrate milestones". They have a "bottom line" to protect and they're not getting that same sweet sweet ad revenue from streams because of decreased viewer counts. Esp bc people don't just go back and watch vods unless there's a REAAAALLY good reason to. So no ad viewership there either. They're going to go back to relying on videos (and unfortunately probably shorts as well, I hate the tiktok-ification of every socmed site) to keep their ad revenue up, especially with the battle of ad blockers. I see more ad and monitization deals being handed out.

With streams (bc vod watching is lowkey practically nonexistant) not being in high demand bc of time constraints (happening while busy, timezones issues) the demands for videos will be higher as videos are ALWAYS readily available. Someone uploads at midnight your timezone? I mean it'll be there when you wake up, you won't have "missed" anything like you would have a livestream. Get a video schedule set out and you're GOLDEN- the first thing I do when I get home from work is check if a handful of youtubers have uploaded to put on to watch. If not, I rewatch some of my fav vids.

Also psychologically I actually think this is for the better of all CCs as a whole. Streaming, esp for some of the hourly requirements some of these ppl either HAVE to hit to get paid or WILLINGLY put themselves through (Tubbo) you have to wear your persona the ENTIRE time. You have to make sure you don't slip up that ENTIRE time. You have to be entertaining the ENTIRE time. You have to filter yourself because it's all live. To me this just sounds like what I do on a daily basis masking my audHD and that shit is so tiring and it's why I could NEVER be a streamer. If you're recording videos you can control what goes out. You don't have to wear whatever persona you decide to put on for 8hrs for a stream, you can record 3 hours of footage and then be done for the day, and that can either be one video or multiple depending on a lot of factors. Accidentally say your mom's name? Cut the clip. Bit isn't funny? Cut the clip. They will still have to actively filter themselves yes but for a much less amount of time. In the end CCs will have a lot more mind power that they're not using up to take care of themselves. I genuinely think it's psychologically better for them all.

It's unfortunate that the streaming industry is going to collapse this way. But also seeing how the communities heavily affected by streaming are more drama filled than communities w/o streaming, I'm lowkey hoping it's for the best. Pulling the plug like this imo is a mercy kill.

And now I'm gonna wash my mouth out for all that corporate speak I just used. Sorry for the manifesto. And if someone wants to put this manifesto on reddit idc just crop/block any usernames IG

I appreciate the essay-andy-ing these are interesting thoughts! I don't think the streaming scene will collapse entirely but I do think that it will become more advantageous to be a youtuber because people have found that to be the most consistent for many years as a CC rather than streams which require a lot of additional things (like you mentioned)

And I feel like we are seeing quite a few people say they're going to prioritize youtube more in the future which seems to be the beginning of that transition

I am curious if twitch will ever try to keep certain big-viewer streamers on the platform with 'kick-style' ($$$$) contracts.

[roo-bastmoon]

To anyone tempted to rage in my inbox

First, come off anon and stand by your words. I will respectfully listen to everything you have to say, even if ultimately I don't agree with you. But have the courage to own your convictions. Don't hide.

Provide proof of any accusations. Just like you wouldn't accept hearsay about Jikook, I won't be accepting hearsay about Jikook supporters. Show me evidence of wrongdoing and I will of course respond to it appropriately. I never wish to promote hate or lies.

Finally, give me some time to process things, do my own gut-check and conscience check, and make my own decisions. I'm not into group think, and peer pressure is the fastest way to tweak my stubborn streak.

I maintain the position that it's not a crime to follow people you disagree with. I probably follow a lot of people and pages folks might disagree with. Doesn't mean I endorse or promote them. That said, if I see serious wrongdoing, I will call it out.

For example, outside of fandom, I am a super hardcore liberal socialist democrat and yet I still follow some conservative news outlets or conservatives themselves--mostly to know what craziness the opposition is spouting, but sometimes to ensure I'm not living in an echo chamber. I am not responsible for what conservative people say or do just because I read what is in their feeds. I am responsible for my own behavior.

So every time someone says "this person follows this other problematic person--unfollow that person or I will consider you a hater!" all I hear is:

Please be sensible.

Obviously if I come across someone using hate speech or being a bigot, I will report them right away. (I report about two or three such anti accounts a day, on average, if I'm honest.) But I'm not out to judge people based on their feeds or groups (or kinks, or opinions). So if you're looking for a pure and sanitized experience, you've come to the wrong blog. I entertain all sorts of thoughts without adopting them.

Feel free to shun me, unfollow me, block me if you need to do that. It might hurt my feelings a little at first but ultimately I support you managing your own experience. I do not support you trying to manage mine.

Curate your own feeds and go forth with much love and in peace.

Yours,

Roo

[fairyhee]

Chocolate eclairs (pt.1)

“Aren’t you a Valentine’s day hater, though?”

“Only because I don’t have a date and I’m bitter about it, but you can change that.”

🍫optional bias x reader (h/n means his name)

🍫enemies to lovers, kinda slow burn?, flirting (smut in pt.2)

🍫inspired by: 5sos-valentine

[I know Valentine’s Day has already passed but I got this idea while daydreaming a few days ago and I couldn’t help myself. And also maybe I love this made-up celebration a bit too much and I don’t want to accept it’s over. If you dislike cheesy stuff this might not be for you lmao]

When it comes to Valentine’s, people are always either hardcore fans or hardcore haters. While you were definitely part of the first category, you just couldn’t understand how anyone can dislike a celebration that’s meant to spread love. And also, the pretty lingerie, the sweets, the champagne and the sex, hello?? You would have them any day of the year if you could. And if you had someone to celebrate with, in the first place.

As for people in the other category, they could hate it all they want but in your eyes they were probably just painfully single. Not that you weren’t, but you never wanted to let that spoil the fun. So what if you were single? What one can do with a partner, you could very well do on your own. So every year you made plans to do everything you wanted, but on a solo date instead of with somebody else. Love yourself first, right?

So on the morning of february 14th, after you were done with your self-pampering ritual, you stepped out for coffee and pancakes. The plan was that after breakfast, you would stop by the lingerie store and treat yourself to a nice set, then buy some sweets from the french bakery, then go home and get all dolled up for the evening, when you had reserved a table at a pink-themed restaurant, beautifully situated on the top floor of one of the highest buildings in your town. It was definitely among the most popular spots for that day, but you couldn’t care less that you were going by yourself. You could have gone with one of your girl friends, if they weren’t all already taken and spending the day “watching netflix”.

Thinking about the peaceful day that was ahead of you, you had almost reached your first destination. Your favorite cafe held an event today and served red pancakes with chocolate hearts as a special menu, as well as v-day themed coffee cups that you couldn’t wait to take photos of. As you entered the cafe, you spotted a familiar silhouette by the counter. He didn’t have to turn around for you to confirm it was him, because as soon as you heard him order his ice americano, your perfect day was already ruined. It was h/n. 

Instead of saying hi, you groaned as you approached the counter. “Who drinks iced coffee in february? You have serious issues.”

He turned around, seemingly suprised to see you at first, but he quickly got to back to his usual self. “Only cool people can drink iced coffee, you wouldn’t understand. And also, a ‘good morning’ would have been enough.”

“It was good until I saw you, so now I can’t say that anymore, can I?” you said while scanning the menu. “One rose lemonade and the special strawberry pancakes with fresh cream, please.”

From where he was standing, you heard a dramatic gasp. “How can you tell me I have issues when you ingest so much sugar from this early in the day? If this is what you have for breakfast, what the hell are you having for dinner?” You wanted to slap that overly exaggerated shocked expression off his face.

“None of your fucking business. Now if you don’t mind I’m gonna walk to my table and go on with my day. If I spend another minute with you I’m afraid it might turn bitter and cold, like you and your beloved americano.”

You were beyond irritated that you had to put up with his shit today, too. You had met h/n at a party during university because of a mutual friend, and you immediately found out you had absolutely nothing in common, except both wanting to excel in your field and to be right at all times. Both of you had strong opinions and just wouldn’t back down. Every time you met, your personalities clashed, and the useless arguments and snarky remarks wouldn’t stop coming. It certainly didn’t help that he was so handsome and so good at what he did (he was a singer in a band) and that everyone else always complimented and admired him, because that made his ego grow and everything just annoyed you even more. Handsome boys always had to be over-confident and you hated that with a passion. The worst part was that he had every right to be confident, but you would never admit that. You weren’t sure what his opinion was of you but you didn’t care to know.

While you were sat at your table, scrolling through your phone and trying to block the previous conversation from re-entering your mind, he just casually sat down across from you at the table, putting down not one, but two iced americanos.

For a few seconds you stared at him blankly. “Can I know what the fuck are you doing?”

“I’m gonna try to convince you that americano is the best coffee.”

“Ha, nice try. What makes you think I would even try it? It’s way too cold outside to drink. Haven’t I told you I don’t want bitterness in my life?”

He smirked. “I asked the barista to put 3 pumps of sugar syrup in it so it can be at least remotely drinkable for you. You will also need someone to watch over you, since I expect you to have a heart attack from all the sweetness, so, before you ask me to, no, I don’t want to leave your drink here and fuck off. So since you’ll be stuck with me until you finish your breakfast, tell me, what have I done to make you dislike me so much?” he placed his chin on his left hand and took a sip of his americano. “I’m curious.” rather than annoyed with you, he looked rather playful.

“Wow, you seem to be having a lot of fun interrupting my day. Glad at least one of us is having a good time. If you want me to touch that drink, you better take out at least half of that amount of ice cubes. After that, we can talk.”

You didn’t expect him to actually do what you said, but he stood up without a word and slowly walked to the counter to ask the barista to fix it. He was so tall, that the strings of the heart shaped helium balloons that were floating around the ceiling reached his eyes, so he walked around the cafe shielding his face with his hand. Why did you find that cute all of a sudden? It’s like you had just realized that his height was very attractive to you. When he turned around, you were smiling at him.

He gave you a wide-eyed look while he was placing your drink down for the second time. “Now you’re smiling at me? Did the sugar from those pancakes get to your brain already?”

“It’s just kinda funny seeing you between all those heart-shaped pink balloons after our last argument.” He had argued that all these holidays, like Halloween, V-day, Mother’s day and so on are made up for purely capitalist purposes and people who celebrate just feed into the consumerism. Besides, his social media posts had appeared on your feed the other day, because he had shared a bunch of memes poking fun at the cheesy traditions. “So what are you doing here today anyway, I thought you were a Valentine’s day hater?” 

“Only because I don’t have a date and I’m bitter about it, like you said. But you can change that.”

You quickly looked up from your plate to check for any sign that he’s joking, but he definitely wasn’t laughing. His eyebrow was cocked up and an annoying smirk was planted on his face. He looked so hot, it was absurd.

His proposal, combined with your own thoughts, made you burst into laughter. You were annoyed at the fact that you were considering it. “Aren’t you getting a bit ahead of yourself? Of course I can change that, but do you really think I will?” you asked ironically. You took a sip of the iced americano, hoping it would cool down your brain and help you think straight again.

He smiled. “I don’t know, but the fact that I just made you laugh is a good sign. Also,” he said pointing at the coffee, “you just drank that and didn’t complain. You just accepted my drink and I got you convinced it’s not bad, both at the same time. That’s three wins in a row for me.”

Shit, he was right.

“I love it when you talk back to me, so I’m almost feeling sorry I left you without any comeback to that.”, he laughed. “So what other plans do you have today? What else do I have to try to ruin?”

“Oh, just a bunch of uninteresting things. I’m sure a self-proclaimed cool dude like yourself would be bored just hearing about it.” That was it. Your defense had fallen, you were actually starting to like him, but you still wouldn’t admit it, so now you were adamant to prove you were completely uninterested in him and he didn’t affect you even in the slightest. You were even willing to accept him tagging along when you went shopping if he wanted. Half because you wanted to spend more time with him without actually accepting his half-hearted date proposal, and half because you wanted him to think you don’t care even if he tries to bother you.

“Well, I don’t have anything better to do today. You asked me what I’m doing here, I actually simply came to get coffee. So do you mind if I come with you? Annoying you is more fun than doing nothing on a sunday.” 

Perfect, you thought. You fake-rolled your eyes. “Whatever. You’ve already ruined my day, it can’t get worse no matter how much you’ll talk. Let’s go shopping, I know men are absolutely crazy over this activity, so let’s see how much fun you’ll have there.”

“Try me.” he said while finishing his drink. 

You smiled and, having finished your breakfast, you stood up.“You might want to have another americano to-go, to keep you from getting tainted with my sweetness. Get up, we’re going to buy chocolate eclairs.”

...

part 2

[lucemferto]

WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT PH1LZA (or Why Philza is a Victim of Narrative Circumstance)

Heyo! Per request I am posting the script to my video of the same name here on tumblr. I must warn you that just reading the script will probably not give you the full experience, so I would encourage you to watch the video (linked above).

There might also still be a lot of grammatical errors in the text, because I don’t proofread.

Intro

LAST TIME ON LUCEM FERTO

Okay, so! I don’t want this to turn into a reaction channel OR a Dream SMP channel for that matter! [echo]

Well, I lied.

[Intro to “Luc is pretentious about the funny blockmen. Episode 2”]

I swear, I’m working on other stuff. It’s just that my dumb lizard brain has only capacity for one interest at a time!

So, something you might not know about me, is that I am on tumblr – who am I kidding, most of you will know me from tumblr. Before starting this whole YouTube thing, I thought that website died years ago – but as per usual reality proves me wrong. I’m also on Twitter and Reddit, but I get the most engagement on tumblr – by far! – and I need those sweet, sweet numbers for the serotonin!

Anyways, one of my favourite past-times on tumblr is to razz Philza Hardcore Minecraft – that’s his full name – for being a frankly awful father [clicking away] – wait, wait, no! Philza fans, this isn’t a hit piece on him, I promise! Please come back!

This is video is meant to be a companion piece to my previous video about Technoblade and the Doomsday event – you can tell by the shared nomenclature – so you should probably watch that one before you proceed. Unless you don’t want to, which is also perfectly understandable.

DISCLAIMER: This video is mostly about the character Philza plays on the Dream SMP. Whenever I talk about the content creator Philza, I will say so properly. Also, Spoiler Warning for Dream SMP Season 2.

… What is that? You’re wondering what the Dream SMP is? Well, if you had just watched the other video like I told you to do, you would know, because I explained it pretty well there. But in case you don’t know, here’s the cliff notes.

Dream SMP is the hottest New Media Series on Twitch right now! It has it all: gaslighting, child soldiers, Machiavellian political intrigue, Hamilton roleplay, desecration of the dead, shounen protagonists, SO! MUCH! AMNESIA! Filicide, furries, a red egg that’s definitely homophobic and teenagers inventing nuclear warfare. And it’s all done in Minecraft – yes, the funny block game where the only way to emote is to crouch.

And you say the perfect brief doesn’t exist!

Now, you might be wondering, why do I want to talk about this? Well, it’s because Content Creator Philza is one of least controversial internet personalities that I can think of. That man exudes pure comfort. So, it’s just very, very amusing to me that his character became one of the most controversial figures on the SMP, only outshone by Tommy and Technoblade.

And it’s not just amusing, it’s also extremely interesting! I want to dig deep to uncover and discuss the dynamics behind why that is. How did it come to this point? How did a man who appears genuinely so pleasant create a character that inspires so much discourse!

Now, if you watched that Technoblade video – like I told you to twice now! – you might know, that I am the resident character analyses hater of fandom! And that impression is false and slanderous! Don’t tell other people that I hate character analyses! I love them!

It’s just that, in the Dream SMP in particular, there is an abundance of character analyses! Every streamer has at least two very good essays written about them, exploring every possible angle to view their characters and backgrounds and everything. All I’m saying is: I don’t have anything to add on that front.

So, instead I want to pursue a different approach – something, that I feel is a bit underrepresented in the fandom! And I’m not just talking narrative analysis – that’s right, this episode we’re going even more pretentious! – I’m talking Transtextual Analysis!

Now, what is Transtextuality? Well, unfortunately it has very little to do with actual Trans people – #transrights, just in case that wasn’t obvious – but instead describes a mode of analysis with which to put – to quote French literary theorist Gérard Genette – “the text in a relationship, whether obvious or concealed, with other texts”.

Basically, you know how the L’Manburg War of Independence heavily quotes and borrows from the hit musical Hamilton? That’s transtextuality! A lot of the analyses surrounding how Tommy mirrors the Greek hero Theseus, who was invoked by Technoblade multiple times in the series, are already doing transtextual analysis! So, it’s really not something that’s new to the Dream SMP fandom.

But how does this apply to Philza and how he is looked at and judged by his parental skills? Well, there are multiple forms of transtextuality, two of which we will discuss today.

But before we continue, I gotta do that annoying YouTuber thing. I know these videos don’t look like much, but I spend a really long time making them. I work fulltime and I try my best to keep up, but sometimes I can’t. So please, like, subscribe, comment to give me some algorithm juice – I really need it – and most importantly share it! Share it with your friends, share it with your family – I’m sure Grandma is very interested in what I have to say about Philza Minecraft.

And I’m trying to be better! If I sound at all different for this video, it’s because I finally bought a new pop filter, so I can hit my plosives without it sounding like there’s a thunderstorm in my room. I hope it makes a difference; it was a very cheap pop filter, so maybe it doesn’t. Maybe it sounds worse – that would be bad!

What was I talking about? Oh yeah, CHILD NEGLEGT!

 Intertextuality: Why is Dadza?

You know what’s really interesting about the Dream SMP – aside from, you know, most things about it? Very few of the characters have concrete, fleshed-out backstories – and that’s pretty weird! In no other medium or genre could you get away with something like that – at least for long-form storytelling!

So, how does Dream SMP get away with this? Well, it’s because every character on the Dream SMP is basically a self-insert – and I don’t mean that in the “This character is based on me”-kinda way, but in the “This character, for all intents and purposes, is me!”-way. This, like many things that are fascinating about the Dream SMP, is owed to the fact that this series didn’t start off as a continuous drama – it started off as a Let’s Play.

And while we can talk about how someone’s on-camera/on-mic persona is in some ways a character, it’s still miles off of being an actual, fully-realized, separate character in a storyline.

This is where Intertextuality comes in.

Intertextuality is a subset of Transtextuality. It describes how the hypertext, which is the text, you’re currently engaged with, uses another text, the hypotext, to supplement itself. The interconnection the hypertext establishes with the hypotext, through stuff like allusion for example, uh-hum [Hamilton], can colour how an audience interprets the hypertext. Basically, Hamilton and Theseus are the hypotexts; the Dream SMP is the hypertext.

So, what does this have to do with backstory? Simple: The backstories of the characters in the Dream SMP consist basically of nothing but intertextual references. Through intertextuality their content effectively substitutes their character’s backstory.

You can see it everywhere. Wilbur’s and Schlatt’s relationship and rivalry is hugely enriched, if you are aware of their shared history like SMPLive, for example – I think anyway. I haven’t watched SMPLive, because … there’s only so many hours in the day and I cannot keep up with the Dream SMP and catch up on SMPLive and live a healthy life – which I already don’t do, so…

BadBoyHalo’s and Skeppy’s relationship, which has become the crux of the Crimson-Storyline of Seasons 2 and 3, is hugely supplemented if you know that they’re also very close as streamers and in real life.

Another great example of intertextuality is basically Technoblade’s entire deal. If you just look at him completely within the text of the Dream SMP and try to transplant his entrance to any other medium: It would be extremely weird! Like, he’s just this guy that comes in in the middle of a very climatic arc, no build-up, no explanation what his deal is, and he’s treated like he has always been there. In any other medium that just wouldn’t work – at least not without a flashback or some sort of exposition!

But because of stuff like Minecraft Mondays, the Potato Wars, his Duel against Dream and SMPEarth, we understand that he is a Big Deal!

Anyways, to bring all of this back to Philza Minecraft: What kind of hypotext informs how the audience sees his character? Well, this is where I will have to talk about SBI.

SBI is an acronym that stand for State Bank of India, the 43rd largest bank in the world and…

It also stands for Sleepy Bois Incorporated. Sleepy Bois Incorporated is a loose assembly of content creators, consisting of Philza, Wilbur Soot, TommyInnit and Technoblade. It is most well-known for its very endearing family dynamic – a dynamic that is frequently acknowledged and played up by the creators involved. Tommy is the youngest brother, Wilbur and Techno are the two older brothers and Philza is of course the dad. And when I say, it’s played up, I really mean it! Wilbur seems to be especially enamoured with the idea and leaves no opportunity untaken to bring it up – which we will come back to.

And I’m not saying that they’re faking this and this is somehow an act. While I know none of these people personally, it appears to me, that this is genuinely how they interact – if a little exaggerated for the streaming experience. Even when they’re not consciously playing into the family dynamic, their interactions still very much lend themselves to that interpretation by the viewers.

Philza especially just radiates Dad-Friend energy – so much so that it has become a huge part of his brand identity – yay, I can bring that back (check out my Christmas video if you want to hear me ramble about that). The nickname Dadza stuck even before SBI was a thing.

So, even if we completely disregard SBI – which we shouldn’t for reasons I’ll get back to – Philza has cultivated an image of strong paternal guidance. He is, in my opinion completely deservedly, regarded very positively. He is highly respected and in turn seen as a voice of reason.

All of this would eventually inform the hypotext of the character Philza within Dream SMP.

 Interlude: Before Dadza & November 16th

Okay, so now we have established that a) Dream SMP heavily hinges on intertextual readings by the audience to supplement character backstory and b) that Philza’s entire deal is that he’s the dad-friend – more specifically that he’s the dad of SBI (not the bank). I think you know where this is going.

So, yeah, ever since it was on the table that Philza could join the Dream SMP, it was immediately assumed that he would take on the paternal guardian role all these traumatized people on that server so desperately needed – and with good reason! Like I said before, the audience at this point was trained to take intertextual interpretations as basically canon or at the very least canon-adjacent.

I want to emphasize that this is most likely not done deliberately. I’m sure content creators Wilbur and Philza didn’t sit there and said: “Yes! We will rely entirely on the audience’s inclination to interpret our characters intertextually to define character Philza!”. Like, obviously that did not happen.

But it’s also important to remember that unlike with traditional media and the fanbases cultivated there, the separation between the Dream SMP and its audience is almost non-existent – and purposely so. The story events are streamed live, Chats are acknowledged in canon and even outside of livestreams creators are extremely involved with the fandom. So, the weight of fan-expectations is equally amplified and will more likely be incorporated into the writing process. Case in point:

[Wilbur “I miss Philza”/Philza about Wilbur]

During Wilbur’s villain arc, even before his official involvement, Philza became a prevalent point of discussion. The hope that he would be the one to snap Wilbur out of his downward spiral was not only wish-fulfilment on behalf of the fans; it also very much played off of the intertextual reading of the SBI-dynamic in relation to the Dream SMP.

Of course, this still doesn’t make Philza and Wilbur canonically blood-related – but it definitely used the “paternal”-dynamic of SBI to build-up tension and drama.

And that ultimately brings us to November 16th. The Grand Finale of Season 1 and Philza’s first canonical appearance on the SMP.

Now, for this I want to pull back from the transtextual analysis and talk about simply narrative analysis: What is Philza’s narrative purpose on November 16th?

Philza serves as the last threshold on Wilbur’s Villain’s Journey – to appropriate Vogler’s version of the monomyth for a minute here – he is what Vogler calls the “Threshold Guardian”. He is the last enemy the Hero faces before completing his quest – in this particular case Wilbur’s quest is to blow up L’Manberg. Multiple people have at this point tried to dissuade him from this course of action: Tommy, Quackity, Niki and others. So how come this Philza moment is not redundant in terms of dynamics compared to these prior scenes?

Well, it’s through our intertextual understanding of Wilbur’s and Phil’s relationship. Because Philza does not just occupy the role of the Threshold Guardian – he is also implicitly the Mentor. Before Phil there was no character in the storyline that held a higher position of moral authority than Wilbur – Dream and Schlatt, while at points more powerful in terms of actual authority, were never positioned by the narrative as Wilbur’s superiors in the same way as Wilbur was to Tommy, Tubbo or even Niki.

Before November 16th all challenges Wilbur faced were from people narratively subordinated to him. But that trend is broken with Phil. That is why he is the Threshold Guardian, why this confrontation is at the climax of Wilbur’s arc. Because Phil is the last thing tethering Wilbur to whatever morality he held before his villain arc; Phil is the last, moral obstacle Wilbur has to discard before gaining his reward.

And, just a quick sidenote, because I’ve seen it around the fandom a bunch: When I’m referring to Wilbur denouncing his morality, I’m using that in terms of narrative analysis. I’m mentioning it, because Wilbur’s character can very easily be read as mentally ill or neurodivergent and some people have – rightly! – pointed out that the excessive vilifying when talking about his character is … problematic, to say the least.

So, I just want to make clear, this isn’t a character analysis, I’m being purposely broad when talking about Wilbur and Phil.

In the end, Wilbur takes that final step and gets his “reward”: As his final request his mentor takes his life and vanquishes the evil – the dragon of Wilbur’s story slays the dragon of L’Manburg. It’s very Shakespearean in its tragedy – but beyond the larger theatrics it’s not really used to further characterize Phil – at least in the context of Season 1. There’s not a lot of focus on his characters internal conflict during November 16th.

Phil, like Techno, is very utilitarian in how content creator Wilbur writes him: He serves as a moment of hype; an obstacle Wilbur has to face; a participant in the tragic climax of Wilbur’s character and ultimately takes on his implicit and expected role of mentor and guiding figure to the rest of L’Manburg.

I think not a lot of people talk about how Philza does not join Technoblade during November 16th. He takes the side of L’Manburg – he fights against the withers and he joins Tommy, Tubbo and the others at the L’Mantree, thus framing him as loyal to the L’Manburg administration – even though Season 2 would make his loyalty to Techno central to his character. But more on that later.

What’s also important about November 16th is that this is the day when the general intertextual interpretation became canonized text.

[You’re my son!]

Wilbur is made Phil’s canonical, biological son. The intertextual interpretation of SBI as it pertains to these two characters on the SMP was completely reinforced by the narrative. Or to put it in Fandom terms: The headcanon became actual canon. At least when it came to Wilbur … but what about Philza’s “other” children?

Well, that leads to our second form of transtextual analysis:

 Paratextuality: Is Dadza?

These titles are just getting better and better.

The Paratext is defined as all those things in a published work that accompany the text. It comes in two forms: One of them is the Peritext, which are non-diegetic elements directly surrounding the text – like chapter titles, author’s notes, and stuff like that. Translated to the medium of the Dream SMP, it would be stuff like this:

[Examples]

And, trust me, I could make a whole separate video about how people on the SMP use their peritext as a tool for storytelling – I’m looking at you, Ranboo – but that’s not what we will talk about in the context of Dadza.

Instead, we will focus on the second form of Paratext, the Epitext, which consists of all authorial and editorial discussions taking place outside of the text. That’s stuff like interviews, private letters or J. K. Rowling’s Twitter Account – you know, before she decided to become a full-time asshole.

[Wilbur: Transrights]

After Season 1 ended, Wilbur indulged pretty heavily in providing epitext for the Dream SMP, something he had not done prior to November 16th. His paratextual additions ranged from the playful, like assigning DnD alignments to various SMP members, to the extremely impactful, like the whole three lives system!

You probably think, you know where this is going. Wilbur provided some epitext about how Tommy and Techno either are or are not biologically related to him … and I have to be honest I thought that too. But then I began looking into the impenetrable web that is the SBI-canon on the Dream SMP and found this!

[Ghostbur explains family]

So, it wasn’t paratext, it was just straight text. Said in character, in canon, without any implication that we the viewers should question this. The text of the SBI family dynamic was explicitly linked to Dream SMP-exclusive lore, namely Fundy being Wilbur’s and Sally the Salmon’s son. This is as clear as Philza’s anguished declaration on November 16th in establishing the intertext as text. And because Wilbur also had a very heavy hand in the discussion of paratext around that time, it gave his character’s words even more “canonical” weight. Metatextually speaking, this very much read like the author giving exposition through his character – exposition that we should understand as reliable.

And, by the way, before I continue, I need to give a huge, huge shoutout to kateis-cakeis on tumblr, I hope I pronounced that right, who was just so quick in providing me with these crucial clips. Without him I would have looked for days because these people don’t archive their shit! And the Dream SMP Wiki was NO help, by the way! I love what you guys do, but stuff like this belongs in the Trivia section on characters’ pages!

Anyways, basically during the entirety of early Season 2 the SBI family dynamic was basically canon to the SMP. Sometimes it was only alluded implicitly, again letting the intertext fill out the rest.

[Philza clips]

But just as often it was just explicitly talked about – both in the text and in the paratext.

[Fundy clip/Wilbur “Twins” clip/Tommy clip]

So, I know what you’re thinking: “Why is this part called paratext, if the entire family tree is just textual”. Well, that last clip might give you a hint, as to what I will talk about. Notice how Tommy, one of the people most directly impacted by the canonization of SBI lore, is both unaware of and seems generally unenthused about it, to put it nicely? Well, that would soon turn out to be a much bigger deal than anyone could have imagined as he wasn’t the only one.

[Technoblade decanonizes SBI]

Yeah …

This happened on 20th of December. Regular viewers of this channel will remember that I put out a 90-second joke video, where I complain about this very development. And while I was mostly kidding around, the core idea is still true. The paratext provided by Technoblade and established text were in direct contradiction with one another – and that brought a lot of confusion into the fandom. Confusion, that would soon be followed by frustration.

Because Techno only decanonized himself as part of the SBI family dynamic – but what about Tommy and Tubbo, the latter of which was incorporated into the dynamic exclusively within the lore of the Dream SMP. Was this still canon or wasn’t it?

What followed was a muddled mess of contradictions, intertextual implications, text and paratext in conflict with each another. It was for the most part inscrutable to figure out how Tommy and Philza related to one another. I’ll spare you every comment made about this – mostly because I want to spare myself from looking for all of them.

In the end, the current status is that their familial relationship is … unclear. Philza said, again in paratext, that it’s ultimately up to the writers to decide, whether or not Tommy is his son … which, I personally think he and Tommy should be the ones to establish that, but I’ll come back to that later.

But why is all of this important anyway? Why would this ambiguity create such an uproar, such controversy – especially when it comes to Tommy’s character? What makes Tommy’s and Philza’s relationship such a target for discussion in the fandom?

Well … this is where we will have to talk about the storyline of Season 2.

Interlude II: Tommy’s Exile and Dadza in Season 2

Okay, Season 2. This is where the spoilers are, so I will just sneakily drop this again. It took me five seconds to google this gif and I will milk it for every penny it’s worth!

At the beginning of Season 2, Philza’s narrative role has not changed much from where Season 1 ended. He is in L’Manburg dispensing earthly wisdom, being a paternal figure to Fundy, Ghostbur and Tubbo, helping with the nation’s rebuilding efforts; just generally occupying the role of the mentor.

[clips]

And then came … the Exile. The Exile Arc took place between December 3rd and December 15th during Season 2 of the Dream SMP. It revolves around TommyInnit getting exiled from L’Manburg and slowly getting psychologically tortured and broken down by Dream. It’s a really great arc, at least in my opinion, that explores and deepens a lot of Tommy’s character relationships, whether that be Tommy and Dream, Tommy and Tubbo or Tommy and Ranboo. One relationship, however, is noticeably missing.

So, yeah, Philza spends basically the entirety of the exile doing pretty much nothing of consequence. And that’s not a problem specific to him – One big criticism I would levy against the Exile Arc is that a lot of characters are left spinning their wheels. Which is why we get zany stuff like El Rapids, Drywaters, Eret’s Knights of the Roundtable, Boomerville – anyone remember Boomerville, that was a thing for 5 seconds, wasn’t it? – basically a lot of storylines are started and then unceremoniously dropped. Now, I will talk more about this, when I make a video about Season 2 of the Dream SMP … in ten years, look forward to it.

In the case of Philza, this inaction was especially damning, because at this point it was still a considered canon that he was Tommy’s dad. So, the fans were left with a situation, where just a few weeks prior Philza was occupying a paternal role for Fundy and Ghostbur … but now, that his youngest son was in a very concerning predicament – to put it lightly – he was nowhere to be found.

So why is that?

Well, the most obvious answer is that Dream and Tommy didn’t write him into the storyline. We’ve seen that Tommy wasn’t particularly interested in exploring a familial relationship to Philza, at least at the time. And it would just not fit in with what Dream and Tommy tried to do with the Exile Arc: they wanted to tell the story of Tommy being isolated, completely under Dream’s mercy, slowly worn down and manipulated. If Philza had been constant presence for Tommy during that time, it would have definitely shifted the narrative focus. That doesn’t mean that they couldn’t have done that, it’s just a matter of fact that they didn’t.

This also reveals another truth about content creator Philza’s character work, that I think is extremely crucial: He takes what the writers give him. Outside of a few choice moments, he doesn’t seem particularly interested in expanding or even solidifying his character on the SMP.

What I’m saying is that he is very go-with-the-flow: Wilbur wants to enact a Shakespearean tragedy? Philza’s up for it. Fundy wants him as a parental figure and mentor? Philza’s here for him. Tommy, conversely, doesn’t want him as a paternal presence, even though it would make sense for Philza’s character, as it was established so far, to be there? Philza will oblige.

The reason I’m mentioning this is because, while Tommy and Dream were unwilling to utilise Philza in their storyline, someone else was more than happy to. Which leads us back, like it always does, to everyone’s favourite Porky Pig-kinnie in a crown: Technoblade.

Technoblade and Philza, from everything I’ve seen of them, seem to be very good friends – and they share a lot of history even outside SBI. So, it’s commendable that they would collaborate on a storyline together.

A consequence of that, however, is that Philza’s narrative purpose shifts completely with very little transition. His entire character changes from being the Mentor-figure of L’Manberg to being pretty much exclusively defined as Technoblade’s ally; his man on the inside. It is a very sharp turn from the end of Season 1. Their relationship is once again informed via intertext – this time the Antarctic Empire on SMPEarth serves as the hypotext – but there isn’t a huge effort made to smoothly integrate that aspect of Philza’s character into the larger narrative framing around him.

How much the narrative utilisation of Philza has shifted can be very easily observed through the Butcher Army event on December 16th, a story event that I like less and less the more I think about. Here Philza is used to show just how corrupt and violent Tubbo’s administration has becomes. He is no longer the respected mentor, he is now the stand-in for the oppressed populace, similar to Niki’s role in Season 1. On a narrative level, he is here to prove a point.

If you’ve seen my Technoblade video, you know how I feel about … just that entire storyline, so I will not reiterate too much on it. I just want to make clear that I’m not principally against this development – if they wanted to truly explore Tubbo going down a dark path and getting corrupted by power, so much so that he would even treat the person who effectively raised him like a prisoner, I would be extremely here for it, I cannot stress that enough.

The problem I have is that it’s just so sloppily done. It is not coherent with how these characters behaved and, more importantly, how they were narratively framed prior to the Butcher Army event. Fundy gets one token line about Phil being his Grandfather – a far cry from the very emotionally complex relationship they had established at the beginning of Season 2 – and Phil then callously disowns him.

The major problem simply is that we don’t see how Philza changes from Mentor-figure to embittered, oppressed citizen. And there was enough time to build to that. During the entirety of Tommy’s exile Tubbo was pretty much spinning his wheels and Quackity and Fundy were opening up plot cul-de-sacs that didn’t end up going anywhere. This is time they could have spent on developing their relationship to Philza and the dark path they were going down – but again, Season 2 video.

There is not much to say on Philza’s narrative purpose and framing beyond the Butcher Army event. He remains pretty much exclusively Techno’s consigliere with his role as Mentor to L’Manburg a distant memory. He has some cute character moments with Ranboo, because content creator Philza is just big dad-energy whether he wants to or not, and whenever he and Ghostbur share a scene suddenly the narrative remembers that there are people other than Technoblade that should exist in Philza’s inner world. But aside from that, Philza’s storyline in Season 2 remains … pretty definitive is the nicest way I can put it.

Most importantly his relationship with Tommy continues to be completely unexplored – whether by chance or choice – and that combined with ever vaguer paratext leaves ���Dadza” in a very peculiar situation.

 Conclusion: Is Dadza a Good Dadza?

So, the question to end all questions. The big, obnoxious text, that I will probably have put in the thumbnail – I haven’t made it yet, but I know myself. The honest answer is: I couldn’t tell you.

I have, in the past, been expounding the virtues of narrative analysis. That is because I feel that Narrative Analysis and Textual Analysis, like in this video, can provide certain tools that Character Analysis lacks. Often times I see people trying to get at a writing problem or query and getting frustrated because they’re not using the toolset, they need to figure out what they want to figure out.

But I’d be a hypocrite if I pretended like everything could be solved through the modes of analysis I prefer. And I think the Dadza-issue is exactly such a case.

I set out to explore why the Philza-Tommy-“Dadza”-relationship has become so controversial. It’s a combination of expectations build up through intertextual readings, that were partly canonized – something that is very common for the Dream SMP – conflicting pieces of paratext, which only serve to muddle the issue further and a text that is not only completely uninterested in actually exploring Tommy’s and Philza’s relationship – as it stands right now they might as well be strangers, narratively speaking – but also completely changes Philza’s narrative purpose as it relates to characters like Fundy or Tubbo about half-way through with little to no transition.

That is why I say, that Philza’s character is a victim of narrative circumstance. Because unwittingly, through all of these factors and decisions, there is not coherent reading of Philza that frames his parental skills in a particularly kind light.

The question of how we can judge Phil as a paternal figure ultimately falls within the purview of the character analysis – and that’s a very multifaceted issue, highly dependent on which POV you focus on and how you interpret the other characters in that POV’s periphery.

To put my cards on the table, I think that Philza is a very flawed father/father-figure – and I find that absolutely okay. Flaws are the spice of character building. He is not Cinderella’s Evil Stepmother – but he’s also definitely not Mufasa. If we were to read Philza as a paternal figure, then he would have made a lot of mistakes and decisions to the detriment of his “children” – least of all everything that happened on Doomsday.

But I also have sympathies for Philza fans who are tired of the Dad-Debate and would like to have his character judged independent from his relationship to Ghostbur, Fundy, Tubbo and Tommy.

Ultimately, to bring it all to a point, I’d like to end with saying, that I think that Philza, out of all the characters on the SMP, has the potential to be on of the most intriguing, multifaceted ones. There are all of these different patches of story, character moments and narrative and transtextual implications, that, if brought together, could create a beautiful tapestry of the character Philza.

You have his relationship with Techno, which holds the potential for so much emotional conflict and vulnerabilities, you have his time as mentor of L’Manburg, which is just criminally underused; the complex relationship between him and Ghostbur/Wilbur; and – for me, personally – most intriguingly this weird, almost uncomfortably distant non-relationship with Tommy. That last one is intriguing to me, because it contrasts just so much with our intertextual understanding of the characters and streaming personas – and it just holds the potential for so much conflict, so much drama, so much angst. Which I live for!

And, yes, I do believe that most of this is narrative happenstance, that this was largely not intended by Philza or really any of the writers. It’s just what happens when hybrid-roleplay-improv a long-running, livestreamed storyline in Minecraft.

But I want them to realize the potential they have on their hands, because it could – with barely any adjustments – turn Philza from a victim of narrative circumstance to a champion of it!

 Outro

Thank you so much for watching this video. Usually, I don’t record outros this standard, but after this beast of a video I felt it necessary. I hope that whether you’re a Philza fan or a Philza critical or just completely uninvolved in the whole thing, there is at least a little entertainment you could get from this.

I want to take this opportunity to say that my next few videos will probably not be Dream SMP related – a sentence which undoubtedly lost me a bunch of subs – simply because I don’t want to burn out on it. I genuinely enjoy watching the SMP and being exhausted by it would be something I wouldn’t want to force on myself.

But who knows what will happen? The Karl Jacobs video was something I did spur of the moment because the idea just came to me – so I can’t guarantee that the next video won’t be a three-minute joke about Purpled or whatever.

Anyway, my concrete plans for future Dream SMP videos are essays on Season 1 and Season 2 as well as one for Tales from the SMP.

Before that I have a longer video in the works, which I’ve already teased a bunch, so I hope it will finally be finished sometime. And I also may be working on something … eboys-related? Maybe. I’m not making any promises!

[c4pricornc4ts]

The Minors Lunch Club (MLC for short.)

This is a Valentines day one-shot for intruxx <3

Characters: Tommy, Ranboo, Sam, Tubbo

Catagory: Fluff 

Words:2.1k 

For a MCYT writing challenge, join the writer’s block discord here!

----------------------------------------------- It’s a very on-brand thing for Tommy to do- leave getting his friend a gift the day before Valentine’s day. He kept putting it off because he wasn’t sure what to get Ranboo. He has hybrid friends, but Tubbo was easy. He and Sam had taken a break from the hotel to make the boy a small bee necklace that he knew he’d love. 

Endermen were a whole new category. What did enderman hybrids even like? He hadn’t talked to Ranboo much unlike Tubbo. So he was really at a loss for ideas. Are there items that are offensive to give an enderman? He hopes Sam will know. Otherwise, he’s going to have to ask Tubbo and he really doesn’t want to get laughed at. 

Sam doesn’t laugh, even if Tommy knew the question was ridiculous. He wasn’t used to that. 

“What do endermen like?” He’s gathering more wood for the hotel, Sam somewhere behind him. 

“What are you setting up some kind of… enderman trap?” 

He throws his axe down, splitting another log. Trying to keep his focus on his work, embarrassed to admit the truth to Sam. 

“No- I don’t know what to get Ranboo for tomorrow. And I don’t think he’d appreciate me trapping his cousins.” 

“Yeah you’re right, don’t tell him about Philza’s hardcore world then.” Tommy hears Sam shudder, his tail making a slight sound as it puffs out. 

“Didn’t plan on it Big S.” Tommy laughs and cuts through another trunk. 

“Just get him something he likes, we hybrids aren’t that different you know.” 

“That’s the problem! I don’t know what he likes. We barely talk, but Tubbo went and invited the guy to our lunch and now I need to find him something.” He tosses the logs into their wheelbarrow and pushes it towards Sam’s pile to collect his as well. 

“Okay then, get him a grass block or something. Better yet, let him pick. Y’know?” 

“Your ideas are shit, Sam.” He hopes Sam can somehow hear a “thank you” in that insult. Because Tommy just got the best idea ever. “I’ll drop all this off, then I’m off to build something else. I’ll see you tonight yeah?” 

“See you then, good luck with Ranboo. The only way you could mess this up is by giving him water so just- don’t do that.” The creeper hybrid goes back to the rest of the trees as Tommy pulls out his silk touch shovel and gets to work collecting grass blocks and a few other blocks just in case Ranboo likes variety. 

He tucks his new blocks away into his inventory and goes towards the main path of the SMP. 

With how far everything has gone, can he even call this the main path anymore?

He goes into the abandoned Walmart that Tommy for the life of him can’t remember who built it and starts arranging the mostly grass blocks into different piles and sections. Adding a small pile of sand and some smooth stone he mined with a silk touch pick for a little variety. He can’t have a store that only sold one thing, it was bad for the economy. He reasons. 

Once he was finished he went to Sam’s house to find something to make for dinner. He and the creeper hybrid had a deal, he does dinners and Sam lets him stay in the spare room while the hotel is being built. Though he knows Sam doesn’t actually care if he does it, he just wants Tommy to feel like he’s earning his stay. 

He appreciates it. He’ll never say it out loud but he appreciates all the little things Sam does for him. Maybe he’ll try being nicer to the man tomorrow. 

Probably not. 

He tears into his baked potato after wrapping Sam’s in some tin foil before running up the stairs to his room. Tomorrow he would drag a hopefully excited Ranboo to an abandoned Walmart and make the best second impression ever. 

------------------------------------------------

Once he’s dressed and double-checks he has Tubbo’s gift in his inventory he pulls out his communicator to message Ranboo. Leaning against the front door. 

You whisper to Ranboo: Hey, meet me outside Sam’s house, I want to show you something. :)

Ranboo whispers to you: Alright, I’ll be there by the time you read this message. 

Tommy reads the message again, trying to understand what it meant when he hears a small vwhoop and jumps a bit when he looks up to see a slightly disoriented 6’6” enderman hybrid standing on his front porch surrounded by purple particles. 

“I hate teleporting. But Philza says I need to do it more so here I am.” 

Tommy regains his composure as Ranboo straightens out his suit that Tommy can only assume got ruffled in the process. 

“You know, that whole teleporting thing would’ve been useful back when we were fighting for L’manberg.” Referring to L’manberg so lightly with anyone else would be impossible, but Ranboo’s absence from those days made it easier to joke about with. “What were you doing before you came here anyway?” 

“I don’t remember.” Ranboo looks away, Tommy silently berates himself for asking. He really didn’t want Ranboo to hate him. 

“That’s okay tall man! You’re here now and I’m stupid for asking.” He starts walking towards the Walmart hoping Ranboo would just follow. 

He does. “You’re not stupid, most people would remember. I just have beef with memories y’know?” 

“Beef with memories…? You’re gonna have to tell me about whatever that means later. But for now I gotta show you your gift.” 

“My gift?”

Tommy stops and turns to him. “Your valentine’s day gift! I thought you knew, why else would you just teleport to me no questions asked?” 

“I must’ve-” 

“Forgotten. Right. It’s no big deal, but what I’m about to show you inside of this broken down Walmart is.” He takes Ranboo to the entrance which is just the 2x2 opening not surrounded by broken glass. “Welcome to the enderman store! I made it myself because I am just so cool.” 

Ranboo immediately ducks under the doorway and starts moving the blocks around. “You aren’t very cool but this makes you at least 20% cooler.” 

“Does that mean you like it?” Tommy asks as he goes to stand behind the makeshift counter. 

“Of course I do! It’s like- like a block playground.” Ranboo teleports around the store and Tommy looks down because the sight of him appearing and disappearing was making his head hurt. 

“You pick one yet?” He plants his elbow on the counter and tries to give his friend a good impression of an underpaid cashier. 

“Pick one for what?” 

“As your gift.” He says it like it was the most obvious thing in the world but with the way Ranboo stands confused he supposes it wasn’t. “I mean, the whole store is your gift actually. But you gotta like, pick your favorite block or something.”

“That’s kinda stupid.” 

“Whatever, at least I’m not 6’6”, now pick your favorite grass block so we can go to Tubbo’s and show him how cool I am.” 

“Okay, I like…” He carefully considers the dirt for what? Tommy doesn’t know. Maybe endermen have a block grading system. 

He finally picks one of the many grass blocks in the corner and places it in front of Tommy. 

Tommy uses his communicator as a scanner and pretends to ring up the block. Ranboo just seems even more confused. 

“What? This is a store roleplay. I’m just keeping things realistic.” He pushes the grass block back to Ranboo who takes it and immediately holds it out in front of him. “The cost is teleporting Tommy to Tubbos because he’s lazy and doesn’t want to walk.” 

The taller laughs and Tommy climbs over the counter and clings to Ranboo’s arm bracing for the sudden movement. He closes his eyes and stumbles forward a bit when the hybrid brings them to Tubbo’s in under a second. 

He lets go of Ranboo once he’s sure he won’t trip and goes up to Tubbo’s door, instead of knocking he just let’s himself in. Rather he announces he’s here by shouting, “Big T! We’re here for lunch and I brought a very tall man with me. I think his name is Rainbow, not sure though.”

“Tommy it’s-” Ranboo is interrupted by Tubbo appearing from the kitchen, the fur coat he is usually buried in abandoned for a cheesy heart covered apron. 

“Ranboo! Tommy!” He runs up to them both with excitement, but he quickly tilts his head at the grass block Ranboo had brought in that was no doubt ruining his floor. Tubbo runs back into the kitchen and orders the boys to, ���Stay there!” and when he returns he is carrying a planter pot with a little note attached that says, “To: Ranboo, From: Me :)”

“This is perfect, you can fill my gift with… wait did Tommy really give you fuckin dirt?” 

“No! I gave him a whole store of dirt you dickhead!” 

“I liked it.” Ranboo adds, trying to help Tommy’s case. 

“See Tubbo? He loves my gift, you are just a hater.” 

“Whatever.” Tubbo rolls his eyes and turns around, leading the other two into his kitchen. 

They take a seat and Tubbo places a basket of bread in the middle of the small wooden table. Tommy runs his hands under it to where he can feel the carvings of his and Tubbo’s name. They had built the table together, hell they had built most of the furniture in this house together.

Tubbo sits down next to Ranboo and places a jar of honey, no doubt from his own bees on the table.

“You know we should invite Purpled next time, then we can call it the MLC.”

“Call it the what?” 

“Y’know the minor lunch club! All the teenagers in one place, hopefully shit-talking the adults.”

“Tubbo can you-” Ranboo is interrupted by Tubbo, who was focused on what Tommy just said.

“We are not naming anything ‘Lunch Club’ ever, pick another name.”

“What? Why not?” He whined. 

Ranboo reaches over the table to grab the honey, knocking over the vase of flowers in the middle of the table. Tubbo pauses, he’s stood up, preparing to lean over and hit Tommy. 

“Tubbo I’m so sorry I’ll-I’ll clean it up.” Ranboo starts to go grab a towel when Tubbo tackles him and pretends to be mad. Tommy just sighs at the scene and goes to actually grab a towel before the water could ruin the table. 

“It’s valentine’s day and you’re fighting.” 

“It’s play fighting, it's a hybrid thing you wouldn’t get it.” 

Tubbo knew what he was doing, get Tommy mad so he’ll come over there and join them too. 

It works, Tubbo giggling as Tommy pushes him off Ranboo and shakes him gently. 

Tubbo headbutts him gently, careful not to actually hurt him. (It had happened once, Philza was not happy.) 

Tommy wraps his arms around the deer and refuses to stop hugging him, Ranboo takes the opportunity to get up and actually wipe down the table before going back to where Tommy was sitting against the door laughing holding a faux annoyed Tubbo. 

“Let me go Tommyyyy.” Tubbo whines, it’s muffled by the blond’s shirt. 

“No, you were mean to me and now I’m sad.” 

Ranboo sits down next to them and whispers “Clingyinnit.” causing Tubbo to laugh and Tommy to let him go opting to go mess with the enderman instead. 

“I am not clingy!” 

“He says, as he clings to Ranboo. His newest victim.” 

They finally get up, dusting themselves off, and go to exchange the rest of their gifts. Tubbo giving Tommy earrings with two purple disks on them. Tommy hands him the bee necklace and then Ranboo gives both of them a pig spawner. 

They go out and help Sam with the hotel for the rest of the day and when it’s dark outside they say their goodbyes and promise to come back tomorrow to see Tubbo’s new ‘project’ which the two no doubt means more nukes. 

It’s almost midnight by the time Tommy works up the courage to give Sam his gift. Walking up to his bedroom door and knocking gently. Fiddling with the letter he had made. He had no reason to be nervous, it was just a card to thank Sam for everything. He owed the man so much more. 

He had avoided giving Sam the card all day, but there was no turning back now. He supposes he could just run back to his room, pretend to be asleep when Sam goes to ask if he knocked. 

“Tommy?” Sam opens the door, yawning. Tommy had clearly woken him up.

He shoves the card towards the creeper hybrid and looks away as he reads it. 

Tommy can tell when he’s done because Sam murmurs an “Oh, Tommy…” before going to hug the blond. Who happily accepts it. 

“Your gift idea wasn’t shit, he loved it actually.”

“I know, I never have bad ideas.” Tommy can imagine the grin on Sam’s face as he says that and it’s enough to make him laugh softly. For the first time in a long time, Tommy finally takes a deep breath. Holding onto Sam a little tighter than maybe he should. Tommy’s tired of letting go. 

Neither of them ever want to let go. 

[fallingsunflower]

one of my biggest questions..why are shippers/hardcore harries so appalled at the idea harry could be caught up in something like a standard hollywood pr stunt. h is a celebrity. the “industry” as a whole is insane and he’s out here crossing between 2 (maybe 3?) different ones. he has a whole team with an agenda that attributes to the way everything he does works. anytime anyone says anything that isn’t 1000% positive or on board with whatever he seems to be doing we get shut down for being a hater. why do you think this is mod? is it just them playing into the untouchable man on the moon image he seems to have recently, or are some people just so easily influenced that they just take everything at face value without a second thought

Oo I mean there’s a lot of reasons. Kind of hard to pinpoint which one based off their feelings towards Harry.

All I know is that they’re very closed minded and they seem to portray Harry as this god-like figure in their minds. They get aggressively angry when his image is tainted and they think in order to be his fan you have to support everything he does. It’s unrealistic.

Now I’d probably make a guess that this obsession with Harry has something to do with their childhood, but I can’t say exactly what. Maybe they latched onto Harry for emotional support (I did that for a while after that traumatizing thing I went through in 2018). Maybe they grew up very sheltered. Maybe they mimicked their parents or friends narrow point of view. Maybe they were told to think a certain way. I can’t say for sure since I don’t know them but typically being closed minded is a result of how they grew up. Not all the time but usually. Extreme examples of closed mindedness include: homophobia, bigotry, xenophobia, and (our favorite word) misogyny.

It’s funny because closed minded people (aka those shippers and hardcore harries) don’t even consider themselves to be closed minded, but I hate to break it to them - they are. Closed minded people are more interested in proving themselves right than in getting the best outcome. They don’t ask questions. They want to show you where you’re wrong without understanding where you’re coming from. They get angry when you ask them to explain something. They think people who ask questions are slowing them down and they think you’re an idiot if you don’t agree.

They also block out other people’s opinions. They want to be understood rather than understand. They have trouble holding more than two thoughts in their head so they focus solely on just one. They lack basic humility.

Being closed minded isn’t irreversible though, nor is it the result of any kind of disorder if that’s what people think (at least in this situation - closed mindedness could be in some disorders but not in this situation). It’s completely possible to change from a closed minded perspective to an open minded perspective with a little practice. But those shippers and hardcore harries refuse to step out of the box even for just one second. I’m curious what their outlook on life is or how they interact with other people. The disgusting and aggressively angry messages I get on a daily basis over a celebrity suggest they’re not exactly the best people to hang out with, and I mean that in the nicest way I can.

I think my real question wouldn’t be why they’re so closed minded but rather why they refuse to try and be open minded. They might be scared to face reality, to be honest. Seems the most plausible to me. They know something is wrong but they refuse to acknowledge it and they viciously shoot down anyone who ruins the perfect image of Harry for them because it unsettles/upsets them. Typically it’s fear that keeps people in that closed minded box.

[obsessivesassenach]

I do sometimes wonder how much they do see here. bullying is not tit for tat, but They could say why defend fans who have from day 1 have had something to say about Tony, his looks, etc. I’m not saying caits right or wrong in this. I just sometimes try to see if from their POV, and how much people’s words have hurt the people they care about. And how we’re seeing it from a “shipper” bubble. They’re seeing it from their own. And sorry, they’re famous and in spotlight does not fly with me.

*******************************From Day 1, since the announcement that the books would be made into a television show, since Sam was hired to play Jamie Fraser, since Caitriona was hired to play Claire Fraser, and every step of the way, there have been negative comments to and about them and their lives and work. It goes with the territory. You may not feel that it’s different because “they’re famous and in the spotlight” but it is different. We are not “famous and in the spotlight” and therefore the power dynamic and impact is lopsided. They have 100s of thousands of followers. They have a public persona. We have just ourselves.The internet is full of trolls and haters and people who type rude things and they have seen it all these past 4 years. From watching and observing both Sam and Caitriona, I got the impression that they have a solid sense of who they are and don’t look to the internet or the fandom for validation. Which means that they wouldn’t be reading mean things and crying about it. The mean tweets segment on Jimmy Kimmel should give you an idea of what celebrities think of mean comments on the internet from the rabble rousing general public.They do share with the fandom but that’s output, not input. They aren’t taking input from the fandom. If they had such thin skin you would think that 2018 Balfe (TM) would have shown up a lot sooner with her blocking and dismissively curt replies to people and lack of smiles and hardcore avoidance of ever appearing in the same place as her costar in crime/grime. And if it were just about hurtful words, she would have responded to the tweets that were even more aggressively rude than the ones she chose. One of the accounts she replied to was an obvious troll account using a meme that has been around the fandom for years and has been tweeted to them for so many different reasons over the years. The message looked calculated to me, just like posting Sam’s “birthday” pic days after his birthday and acting like she hadn’t acknowledged his birthday yet so needed to post a pic and wish him happy birthday that way. Nah. Total set up.I’m not one of the people who sits around thinking they hate shippers and want shippers to disappear. To believe that I would have to believe shippers are bad people and that they have done bad things to them. I don’t believe so. I believe the folks who troll around the internet saying rude things are just that, trolls; not shippers or any other group label, just trolls. I also think that if they hated shippers so much then, I, as someone in the fandom who the antis have touted as one of the biggest shippers, would be on the shitlist (shiplist?) and would be either blocked, muted, or at least ignored. So why did Sam like one of my IG posts this year (2018)? Why didn’t Caitriona block me when I tweeted to her? Wish shippers happy birthday? I think it’s sweet that you are trying to understand their position with so much empathy but I think you are being self-centered and have a narrow view. Their lives are very different from yours. Their public social media lives are very different from yours with completely different dynamics. They are in the spotlight every time they are in public arenas, online and in person. I’m sure they have private accounts with which to communicate with their friends and family. And like I have posted on my blog time and time again, bullying involves a power dynamic. A grasshopper can’t bully an elephant by stepping on its toe. The grasshopper does not have the power to effect harm or victimize the elephant. An individual (lowly) fan doesn’t have the power despite all the attempts from fans to find a way to matter or feel important in their interactions with them. If the fandom had a cohesive goal and banded together to do something, then there could be power in numbers, but the power doesn’t lie with the individual fan like it does with a celebrity. Just look at what happens to a fan when Sam or Caitriona likes their tweet? Someone who generally gets 1 or 2 likes on their tweet ends up with 1000s of likes on their tweet after interaction from one of the actors or someone associated with the show. As for defending fans, when someone is using their names to harass, dox, insult, threaten, falsely report to law enforcement and otherwise bully fans of THEIR show, then silence speaks volumes. No one is saying to defend the right of random fan to be a troll, it’s about standing up for your name and integrity as a person. If someone with the power of celebrity says something to the fandom in their name, fans believe them. Maril finally spoke up when Trish (a shipper) brought it to her attention. I realize Sam tried early on but it when he said the bully was his friend it completely emboldened the social media violence against his fans and undid any peace-making efforts on his part. And I’m saying that the narrative that shippers are bad and shippers are abusive and shippers need to go is a fallacy that was created by the bullies of the fandom. Fans believed the blue check and have now internalized the hatred... of themselves? Love yourself. Be you. No need to point fingers or protest that you are not a bad person. You are not. I see you and see that you are full of empathy and dislike the cruel streak in the fandom. Don’t perpetuate it by believing the bullies. P.S. I think they might look at tumblr here and there but probably not daily. It goes in waves. I have this feeling that they currently have a mission and message and are focusing on that and also on acting and going to work, etc. I don’t think there’s much to consider or learn at this point by reading tumblr. Balfe 2018 is tone deaf anyway. 

[ts1989fanatic]

The Guide to Getting into Taylor Swift

With the country-turned-pop star's music on Spotify, it's time to cut all your shirts into crop tops and become a Swiftie.

Wow! You're finally open to becoming a Swiftie! Perhaps you're a casual listener and you found your bum wiggling to "Shake It Off" at the grocery store. Perhaps you're that nostalgic person who always sings "Our Song" at karaoke because it reminds you of more innocent times. Perhaps you're a even hardcore hater. Who cares! You're here now.

So what did it take? Her endless charm? Her enviable songwriting talents? Her clever business sense? Or is it because Taylor Swift's entire catalogue just went up on Spotify for free.99? What a cheapskate!

Besides the fact that you can now listen to Taylor Swift without having to navigate her battles with the streaming industry, this is the perfect time to start listening to her music, even if you skipped out on the past five albums. We're currently in the calm before Swift's storm – the time when she's conjuring up a new album that may defy any expectations we have about the country-turned-pop star. Before she inevitably returns to the tabloids, there's a chance to get to know the artist whose work earned that fame, the singer who, at 14, prompted label boss Scott Borchetta of Big Machine to take her on, writing in his notes, "This could be your Mick Jagger." Taylor's fans have long known her as someone who can weave fairytales into everyday life and pastoral romanticism into a regular school day, who can detail relationships with piercing honesty. That kind of music inspires devotion, and this is your chance to feel it.

So, before you dig in, you'll need a Taylor Swift starter pack. Cut all your shirts into crop tops. Write Joni Mitchell lyrics on your arm. Adopt a Scottish fold and name it after a Grey's Anatomy character. Start calling the paparazzi before leaving the apartment. Show up at your friends' houses unexpectedly, offering them Christmas gifts and wondering why they don't cry tears of joy at the mere sight of you. At the very least, join an online forum to talk about her fandom when it hits. Start yearning for Taylor's old country days even though you hate country music! Send a Swift song to your ex instead of messy blocks of texts. Quote her lyrics in therapy. Invest in some quality scarlet-hued lipstick (Nars' Dragon Girl is a decent choice.)

And if you need some help with different entry points into her music, I've got you. Below, there are five options for getting into Taylor Swift. Pick the section that best suits your soul.

So, as Taylor's best friend Selena Gomez (you should know that too) says, if you're ready, come and get it.

So You Want to Get Into: Kiss-Off Bop Taylor Swift?

OK, so you want to get into the feisty side of Taylor Swift. Great choice. Alongside her songs about love, heartbreak, her first day of high school, her mom and Lena Dunham (it's true – "You Are In Love" is about her), there are angsty ditties that take her foes and pie them in the face like the true dunces that they are. This might be the side of Swift you're most familiar with lately, as her feud with Katy Perry has made the 12,000th headline and we're meant to believe that Taylor is on a warpath to punish all her enemies. However, Swift is just like any of us: If she's wronged, she feels a little jaded. And despite serving as a role model to her listeners, she experiences anger like anyone else. But most of us don't have the talent to write songs about them.

Taylor's kiss-off anthems started with "Picture to Burn" (perhaps her best song to this day?), off her debut, self-titled album in 2006, released when she was just 16. "Picture to Burn" has Swift expressing pent-up G-rated aggression with a twang (this is back when she still had a Southern accent, and it's endearing as fuck). She goes one shot under pulling a Carrie Underwood and disses her ex-boyfriend's truck; she threatens to sic her dad on him; she calls him a "redneck." There are all sorts of killer lines in the track ("There's nothing stopping me from going out with alllll of yer best frans!"), but this one's the most poetic and charged: "So watch me strike a match on all my wasted time / As far as I'm concerned you're just another picture to burn." Don't be thrown off by the flutter of banjo and down-home guitars that sound like they're out of a muddy Ford commercial – let the country sound sink in and guide you to revenge.

Since then, Taylor's had dozens of songs that ward off sour critics and ex-boyfriends. Her third album in particular, 2010's Speak Now, is chock full of them. On "Mean" she sheds off her haters who are "Washed up and ranting about the same old bitter things / Drunk and rambling' on about how I can't sing / But all you are is mean." Then she piles it on, calling them "And a liar / And pathetic / And alone in life." Meanwhile, she maintains sweet, kill-em-with-kindness disposition: You'll be glad you never cared about that loser anyway! This side of Taylor is best enjoyed if you like looking cute while rolling your eyes.

Of course, there's "Bad Blood," which, if you pay just a speck of attention to pop culture, you know is about a petty pop star argument. And there's "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together," which is supposed to send a message to a guy trying to slide back into a relationship – although it comes off more as a mantra for Taylor to chant when she's about to let him back in again. And there's the slightly problematic "Better Than Revenge," where she blasts a girl who's known for her "talents on a mattress."

So if you've been wronged, don't pick up a baseball bat; yank out yer fake country accent and a Zippo, and start lighting stuff on fire!

So You Want to Get Into: Take My Heart And Run It Over With A Rusty Pickup Truck Taylor Swift?

If you've chosen to get into Heartbreak Taylor, you're probably the type who needs time to fully soak into your sadness when you're going through something. You absorb other people's heartbreak too. As a Sagittarius, Taylor is one of these people. (I know nothing about astrology, but I figured you might?)

The beauty about Taylor Swift is that she makes her songs vague enough to where you can imagine yourself in the song – yet she drops in just enough little details so you know the story in the song is hers. It's so easy to apply any of her songs to your life without forgetting her own drama.

Swift's romantic life has been easily mocked for a good ten years now, a topic she satirized in 2014 with "Blank Space" (but more on that later). From age 16 to now, age 27, we've known all of her boyfriends… and by the details she adds in her songs, you can tell which boyfriends inspired which songs: Joe Jonas ("Forever & Always"), Taylor Lautner ("Back to December"), John Mayer ("Dear John"), Harry Styles ("Out of the Woods), etc. By knowing the very real dudes behind the tracks and their very real relationships, Swift songs play out more like movies, where you can envision these celebrities going through the same breakup you might have with your partner. Perhaps the most heartbreaking of these songs is "All Too Well," a song clearly about Jake Gyllenhaal, with references to Swift's scarf, which he was photographed wearing after their breakup.

Red's "All Too Well," like most of Swift's songs about breakups, is crushing. Raise your hand if you've ever met your partner's parents and they start reminiscing about when they were a little kid: "You tell me 'bout your past, thinking your future was me." Or if you've gotten stuck wallowing and it felt like you'd never be happy again: "Time won't fly, it's like I'm paralysed by it / I'd like to be my old self again, but I'm still trying to find it." Or if your ex called you just for old times' sake, just as you were starting to move on: "Hey, you call me up again just to break me like a promise / So casually cruel in the name of being honest." You remember it all too well.

There's something about Swift's sad songs that are like a film you can revisit over and over again, pulling tears from your eyes as if you're experiencing heartbreak for the first time. And it's not just heartbreak – it's grief in general. When you're exploring your way around these gut wrenching songs, don't forget "Ronan," a charity single written for the mom of a child who died of cancer just days before his fourth birthday (that one, unfortunately, is not part of her return to streaming). And "Never Grow Up," which will have you wanting to crawl back into your mom's arms.

Either way, it's best to listen to these when you're alone.

So You Want to Get Into: Fairytale Wedding Day Taylor Swift?

Ready to fall in love, you hopeless romantic? Read up on your Romeo and Juliet. Brush up on Rapunzel. Fall madly in love with the guy who's waiting tables at your favourite cafe. Go all in. Take risks. Ask that guy on a date. Ignore what anyone else says. Go head over heels. Get married (the guy has to propose on one knee and ask your dad for permission, of course). Have babies. Grow old together. Love is a fairytale!!!!!!

Taylor's very aware of her idealistic view on love ("Stupid girl, I should've known / I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairytale," she sings on "White Horse"), especially earlier on in her catalogue. You won't find her singing about dancing in the rain with her angelic-faced crush in her latest album, 1989, or anything in the future, but teenaged Taylor wrote the best love songs back in the day. She's either chasing highs or sinking into lows, and with mythical metaphors abound, she explains that sparkling feeling of falling in love.

You've come to the right place if you're looking for a song to dance to at your wedding. Imagine twinkly lights and barefeet as you twirl around the floor to 2006's "Mary's Song," which follows a seven-year-old girl and her nine-year-old beau as they grow up and get married. Or maybe you want dozens of photos of your family floating from clothesline at your barn wedding, soundtracking the moment with the voracity of 2010's "Mine." Or maybe you're under the moonlight, letting your vintage dress sweep over dewy grass as you dance with your hearts pressed together to "Enchanted."

Swift's love songs give you faith that love can last a lifetime, that you can pull off a medieval princess dress and that kissing in the rain is more magical and euphoric than wet and cold. Even if Prince Charming will never come galloping around on his awkwardly endowed stallion, it's nice – if but for three and a half minutes – to dream.

So You Want to Get Into: Banjo and Fiddle Taylor Swift?

Taylor Swift made the same journey as Shania Twain when it's come to the crossing the country-to-pop bridge – except with Swift, it seems like she's left that bridge far, far behind. With the declaration that she was taking 2014's 1989 fully into pop territory, Swift hasn't looked back, reworking her old country hits when she plays them live and nearly ignoring her especially hoedown-oriented tunes. If you appreciate a good fiddle solo and snarky banjo, I urge you to start at the beginning of her discography.

The self-titled album is a mine of gold country nuggets with excellent lyricism from Swift and sharp production from Nathan Chapman (who had never produced an album until he met Taylor Swift when she was 14). Chapman adorned Swift's green soprano with a bevy of fiddle, which could cry during a song like "Tied Together With A Smile" or frolick with joy during "Our Song." Fiddle is the second singer on Taylor Swift. There's dobro too, etching its earthiness into songs, along with some sparse scatterings of mandolin.

And then there's pedal steel – completely absent after 2014's Red – which swoops in like mood swing, unexpected, yet totally called for. It yearns on "Teardrops on My Guitar," gives sassy support on "Picture to Burn," and calms a bubbling banjo on "The Outside."

Like Swift, who grew up on a Christmas tree farm in Wyomissing, Pennsylvania, before convincing her family to move to Nashville, you might have a small-town upbringing. And just the mere twang of a steel guitar may transcend you to fireflies and summer nights. If you're more familiar with Swift's more recent work, listening to her first album may seem like a novelty, but the progression across the five albums is organic, so don't feel jolted when you hear the rush of country instruments and the mention of country's prince, Tim McGraw, when you take her first bite of Taylor Swift.

Listen to country-era Swift – if not to conjure your own childhood memories, but to get a better understanding of where the pop star started from.

So You Want to Get Into: Storyteller Taylor Swift?

Sit down, music lover, and let Auntie Swift tell you a story. This one's a gripping tale about a girl who shows up at a fancy wedding, ready to interrupt everything and declare her love for the groom. The guy is obviously marrying the wrong woman, who's "wearing a gown shaped like a pastry." And although Taylor is not the kind of person to show up at a "white veil occasion," she, like the title of the 2010 song suggests, is compelled to "Speak Now."

I won't spoil the rest of the story for you, but as you enter the world of Swift for the first time, these storytelling songs might be your best entry point if you like a good narrative. These selections are perfect for long drives, when your mind wanders off the road. Ditch your Audible subscription (does anyone have Audible anyway?) and lean toward the Book of Swift instead. The first chapter dives into Taylor at three years old on "The Best Day," a song she wrote about her mom: "I run and run / Past the pumpkin patch / And the tractor rides / Look now, the sky is gold / I hug your legs / And fall asleep on the way home." The colours are vivid, the memories idyllic, and you can't help but miss your own mom a bit. Of course, some stories make you cry more than others, but with Taylor Swift, it's best to expect tears at all times.

Fast forward eight years to "Blank Space," where she's taken a wholly less innocent form – as a jet-setting maniser who steals her victims' hearts and tortures them with love games. "Saw you there and I thought / 'Oh my God, look at that face / You look like my next mistake'," she sings, as coy as a Black Widow looking for a mate. I won't spoil this one either, but let's just say that this story involves a pretty toxic web.

So, if you're in need of music that will hold you by your hand and take you through a journey, dive into "Love Story," a ditty about a young couple with disapproving parents, or "How You Get The Girl," a step-by-step tutorial on how to win your girlfriend back, or "Fifteen," a story about her friend Abigail's first year of high school, or "Mine," a song about a rando dude who turns into her husband. Whatever chapter you open the book of Taylor to, there's going to be a plot to keep you hooked.

Emilee Lindner was born on a metaphorical Christmas tree farm, and you can find her preaching the good word of Taylor on Twitter.

ts1989fanatic sorry that this so long a post but DAMN it’s worth the read, and I have to think the writer is a SWIFTIE she certainly understands the subject of her piece very well.

[queen-schadenfreude]

tons of replies under this cut ;w;

@rockitsuu replied to your post “I need like, a friendly way to learn heroes I’m not good with in...”

I want to learn roadhog but im on ps4 and I die

hhhgggnnnhgg playing on console sounds like. kinda of a drag but tbh I haven’t owned a console in years so I’ve forgotten what it feels like to hold a controller orz

@theworldofkirby​ replied to your post “I need like, a friendly way to learn heroes I’m not good with in...”

 You don't know me, but if you want, we could play overwatch together :D     

hmu!! my bnet id is WeakLink#11913

@greyyourwarden​ replied to your post “I need like, a friendly way to learn heroes I’m not good with in...”

This is why I've never been able to play the game with actual people because my anxiety over it is so bad                

Honestly it took me ages to get over my anxiety to start playing QP from bots, so I know how it goes :(

@geraltar​ replied to your post “I need like, a friendly way to learn heroes I’m not good with in...”

yeah, i just kinda.... stopped playing because people are so bad. although i've gotten into the habit of mercilessly blocking anyone who is an asshole so i don't have to play with them ever again thank G O D                

oh man I didn’t even know that’s how the block feature worked!! I honestly thought it just blocked a player from contacting you. Cool, I might actually use it going forward, ty ♥

@midori16 replied to your post “maybe your just bad at videogames, maybe you shouldn't play at all”

I play Smite, I am only really decent using one god, and occasionally I feel like I HAVE to learn to play more of them, but when I try I'm miserable. So I stick to what I like, screw the haters. It's literally a video GAME.                

Yeah, everyone should just play how they wanna play, whether it’s sticking to what you’re comfy with or branching out. Otherwise it’s just not fun, then what’s the point??

@beowulfings replied to your post “I need like, a friendly way to learn heroes I’m not good with in...”

idk if you're on pc or not, but i'd be happy to learn other heroes with you if you are! i know we don't know each other but i've also run into this kinda trouble and feel yr frustration real hard :c                

Aww yeah! :D my bnet id is WeakLink#11913

@auronei​ replied to your post “I need like, a friendly way to learn heroes I’m not good with in...”

i feel you. my friends and i play the game to have fun! I'd be happy to play with you if you ever want to!                

That’s how it should be tbh... play to have fun. If you wanna win so bad, there’s competitive. but yea add me!! i’m WeakLink#11913 on bnet

@peacekandi​ replied to your post “maybe your just bad at videogames, maybe you shouldn't play at all”

Have you considered playing No Limits in Arcade? There's generally no team pressure there, it's a mode where lots of people goof off. Lately it's the "300% Symmetras" mode, but you can pick anyone you like and no one will complain.                

I have considered it, although it’s a bit tough to.. effectively learn when goofing off / stacking is the norm, haha. NOT that that kind of thing isn’t fun. I’ve played a 6v6 Lúcio match that probably went on for thirty minutes and was a blast lmao

@actualanders​ replied to your post “I need like, a friendly way to learn heroes I’m not good with in...”

Git gud is such a gross concept honestly, I play a lot of different heros fairly well and a lot of it was learned through YouTube videos, A.I, and playing mystery heros?? I find mystery heros and brawls refreshing because there's no pressure picking and you'd be surprised at what you can do when given the chance. The practice range sucks, so learning a new hero is hard, blizzard have said they are working on better tutorials and the like so there is hope.                

I actually really like the mystery heroes brawl, although after a while I find it a tiny bit frustrating to not have the same hero twice (never gettin that ult charge haha) But also, I don’t really feel like it’s on Blizzard to provide better tutorials (tho that’d be nice), it’s really the community that needs to be more empathetic towards each other. That’s where most of the issues seem to stem from, anyway orz

@sgurrdearg​ replied to your post “I need like, a friendly way to learn heroes I’m not good with in...”

I'm not sure how well my internet can handle being on another server but yes I am game. I'm probably not even that good at the heroes I main so just playing with ppl that are nice and non-judgy would really help me when I'm trying to do better                

Yea, having supportive friends/teams is so important to individual players’ enjoyment of the game, especially since it is a team game and not just 1v1 pvp sort of setup. I could always try switchin servers, tho! My bnet is WeakLink#11913

@spacepsychologist replied to your post “I need like, a friendly way to learn heroes I’m not good with in...”

I can't fucking believe someone saw this wholesome, positive post and their response was to anon you "maybe you shouldn't play video games if you suck".                

DUDE THIS IS THE ATTITUDE IM TALKIN ABOUT... fucken, HARDCORE gAMERZ thinking that they somehow have the right to dictate who gets to play games based on skill level. Like... listen, this is a game for anyone who wants to play, not just seasoned gaming vets who make careers out of esports/pros/etc. jfc

anyone wanting to add me I’m on PC NA (altho I can try switching to other servers) WeakLink#11913 - altho I am going to bed for the night so I won’t be playing at least until after work tomorrow orz

[lindemadz85-blog]

Bigger than mine...

See, I ain't no player hater But I'll hate a player if you push me See nigga, while you stand there Using all your heart trying to look the part With your cold steel eyes Nigga you don't realize you just pussy for sale Now see I would call you female, but you too frail While she's held queen, I mean your existence is fractionally vaginal Like the slits of the whores you use to suit your feeble needs You know, saturated soil and faulty fertilizer Ensure your future seeds to be just like you pussy For sale On corner auction blocks lost flocks of brethren Now invested in by this America with stocks of cocaine Temporary monetary gain in exchange for eternal pain While the stain of your false reality femains an ever imprinted actuality On your kids and in your kids As they too have to suffer with you through the bids Just kids Trying not to let those lonely echoes bother Knowing that father does not answer when they holler Due to his undying infatuation with the dollar Has been street scholar, now sees his toddlers through glass And as the years pass they grow fast and begin to understand Damn, dad didn't have to go away from us cause he didn't love us It's just that he wasn't no real fucking man I be like ''oh damn'' That's that cat that changed his name from David to Ayatollah High roller, motorola soldier Tech nine under his polo ass nigga Don't know his future or his past nigga But that fast trigger got this die cast Forty ounce swigger thinking his shit is bigger than mine Nigga, it's not surprising to find that your state of mind got you Parking that 63 thousand dollar Lex you flex Right outside your mother's hard earned 22,000 dollar duplex You know, the one right next to the projects Where pseudo elated coke gang created Crime related manhood got you assed out, nigga Getting high till you pass out, nigga Quick way up, fast way out, nigga How you figure your shit is bigger than mine These fucked up times and hardcore rhymes Got you throwing up gang signs And claiming coasts or shades of color With shameless boasts of emotionless lovers That gaze upon that ice that clutter the pendant Of that religion you do not follow Your faith has evaporated and made your soul hollow Childhood dreams turn pharmaceutical schemes Got you fucking with triple beams Cap peeling, robbing, and stealing For a piece of this American pie ass nigga Ready to die ass nigga, fly ass nigga Sit you in a cell you'd probably cry ass nigga How the fuck you figure your shit is bigger than mine I see you, diamond blinking, Cuban linking and full length minking All strung out on disillusional thinking And as the government subsidizes These laboratory high rises with new chemical surprises You continue to hide your true self behind movie gangsta disguises Oblivious to what life's true prize is Equating your stupidity with the length you think your dick size is The truth in your eyes is falsified, fabricated While you sit and wait for your fate to be debated by judges And juries who've held over four hundred and fifty years worth of grudges Nigga get back, sit back and rediscover How to be an honest father, loyal lover, righteous brother And not just another motherfucking nigga