#that was u screwing up and now u dont wanna own up to it

[agayconcept]

.

[mikajunie]

rediscovering shame and giving yourself compassion (how to deal with shame as someone with ADHD)

this is directed towards my fellow ADHDers who have trouble with reoccuring shame while leads to hindered productivity.

signs that your productivity is hindered by shame (compiled by my own experiences):

you feel negative physical symptoms when you think about your responsibilities

you find ways to avoid the responsibilities

every time you make progress, you feel like you don't ever wanna touch it again

when you present your progress, you feel ashamed of yourself because it's not finished (on time & according to ur standards).

you feel like you are a constant failure. you never win, despite achieving good things here and there.

you are a walking ball of anxiety

you have a fear of being perceived

there's probably more, but eh those are just from my own experiences

below i will write down what y'all should remember, what you can do to help yourself, etc. this is compiled from dr k, my own journaling time, and my firsthand experience from having shame 24/7

some things u gotta remember

shame is what exists in the gap between your ideal self and where you are currently.

your ideal self doesn't have to be unrealistic, it can be yourself when you were at your peak or someone who is very similar to you.

shame brings negative thoughts, because it makes you see progress as a negative thing.

instead of being happy that u made progress, u grumble to urself and ask "why didnt i just do it sooner? im so stupid". it's a reminder of your failures, so u avoid progress altogether.

shame can become a part of you, to the point where you feel uneasy or vulnerable if you dont feel ashamed at yourself

shame doesn't do anything to ADHDers in the long run except self-loathing and hindered productivity.

what should u do?

basically self-therapy, but instead of stopping at why, i try to solve my shame one-by-one.

examine past moments where you felt a LOT of shame. this can go back to elementary. the stronger the emotions, the better. now, write them down. you're probably cringing, but that is good. feel all the cringiness running through ur veins.

why did you feel shame? why did it happen? what did you feel?

reframe your thoughts. instead of immediately running away from it, accept it and justify it. give it compassion. give it a hug. was it your 7 year old self? hug yourself. it's okay to fuck up and do silly things sometimes, and it's okay to have ADHD. it's not our fault.

remember that ADHD is a lifelong nerudivergency, you can't just push it away. coping mechanisms and tools help, but give yourself some grace when you screw up. it's our first time living anyway.

calm your body down. make sure your physical body is doing okay.

now... think of one thing you want to do but can't because of shame and do these steps carefully. think of the reasons why you might be ashamed, and reframe your thoughts.

WARNING!! TAKE IT ONE PRESENT ACTION AT A TIME. don't do this for every action you want to take, let your body slowly learn that it's okay to make progress despite the shame you feel, and you are allowed to feel compassion for yourself.

train your body to accept compassion slowly. life is tough with ADHD but it's even tougher knowing that shame will get in your way. give yourself a break, it's fine to fuck up, we all go through different things anyway. even if it's not fine, you will learn and make those mistakes a lil bit lesser in the future.

ok hope this helps.

[hballegro]

UH OH sam OPERATED

ch 3 of Queap/MASH crossover episode

WARNING: THIS CHAPTER IS OVER HALF JUST O.R. I DID MY BEST NOT TO BE HEAVY-HANDED BUT IT IS SURGERY AND I AM EXPLICIT ABT THAT.

torture the bisexual brunette man some more

endorsement from my really cool and smart friend;

bts [including detail of what all the medical shit was since i had to research a LOT for this]

First off; the end of the chapter has a scene abt bj freaking out over stitches. i wrote a note at the end of the chapter explaining WHY he freaks out, but for those of you that dont know what suture types look like [me, like a week ago], this is a very shitty diagram i made

as you can see, hawkeye's USUAL pattern [with a totally different suture material] is pretty minimal, just some small lines/dots. meanwhile sam is making the barber pole/screw/candy cane that i described.

the mattress suture, i BELIEVE, is like. the 'better' one, like its really secure, and even if one fails the whole thing wont, and also shows minimally. but the simple continuous is EASIER and the more 'obvious' choice. not to mention the material change [someone from 1999 would probably prefer silk. cotton is more... brittle? and it slides less easily. learning curve.]

anyway i'll put snips of my document but incase u have a screenreader or just dont wanna use images to read, heres the google doc . this is just what i had on-hand to help guide the scene and get the details right

honestly this shit was super fun. very 'AOUGHHH WHAT DO YOU MEAN' but very fun. would do again. love doing that shit. love making the viewer suffer.

anyway

heres also this shitty diagram to explain how/why sam was looking in the wrong place for the bullet. its cause his brain was looking at the Now position of the wound and not the Then position

i wish i had more excuses to write anxiety-filled surgery scenes this was funnnnnn

also for anyone wondering. my bts started because i am usually very Loud with my creative process, and i posted like 'oo and heres some behind the scenes' for a digital painting and someone commented that as a non-creative, it was a nice insight into things, and now thats been reinforced by someone else saying the bts was fun to read on my Havin' A Ball sam and al piece. so. the bts will continue lol

gives you all insight as to why i dont have a schedule to when i post things because. ough.

i also type up these announcement and bts posts before i publish the next chapter, cause i wanna do it all in 1 swoop, so i have to write them with no link yet

so it just looks like this in my drafts

[the-phantom-author]

Having a boyfriend when u first meet Hasan…

You think you know what pining is? Yearning for someone? Not until you see him in this state.

Streamer/YouTuber/influencer!gf who is in a relationship (in my head it’s Calum Hood from 5 Seconds of Summer because I wanna be a rockstar!gf too) and you’re out one night, bored and looking around the room, may some industry party. Maybe it’s twitchcon and you brought your partner along

When you see Hasan your eyes light up because omg! It’s HasanAbi, youre moots, interact sometimes online but have never met! So you go to introduce yourself, slipping away from your boyfriend just for a minute.

When Hasan sees you, it’s just game over for him. Pack it up, it’s done, it’s you he wants. (He would never admit it but he loves watching every single video of yours, a makeup tutorial or a haul or whatever you’re into that he is definitely NOT into, he doesn’t care that it’s not about something he cares about. He just loves your videos, your vibe, your personality, etc.)

in his head when he sees you coming he’s like “shit shit shit shit she’s coming over do I look ok? I’m freaking out I need to breathe” and he’s in his own head so much he doesn’t even register you saying hello, he has to ask you what you said🫠🫠😓😓

You get into really talking about creating content and maybe some of the causes you advocate for and things you have in common when you feel your boyfriends hand wrap around your hip and ask if you’re ready to go😔😔😔😔😔

you introduce Hasan to him and Hasan goes “oh boyfriend? I didn’t know you had a boyfriend.” 🫣🫤😵‍💫 he’s all embarrassed but he’s playing it off like he’s just curious and having a convo. Your bf is like “yeah, we love each other. Been together a long time. What like 6 years?” Bf turns to you and you nod, and Hasan asks “oh when’s your anniversary?” And your bf is like hemming and hawing, he literally can’t remember ?! You’re embarrassed and just turn to him like “really??”😒😒😒🤨🤨🤨 you just want the moment to end so you tell Hasan how nice it was to meet him, how much enjoy you enjoy his content, how maybe you’ll see each other around. Maybe you could collaborate? And you turn to leave with your bf trying to catch up to you, putting his hand around your waist (trying to make you laugh to distract that he forgot your freaking anniversary, think of in the All Too Well 10 Min Version short film, how Dylan just repeatedly says “I’m sorry.” Until Sadie’s character just laughs and relents)

you hadn’t been happy in a while but just can’t bring yourself to break up with him, it’s scary and you’d be living on your own and it’s really all you’ve ever known after moving to LA and moving out of your parents house.

But you’ve met Hasan now and suddenly feel…. Calm? At peace? Which you didn’t know a guy could make you feel that way, this interests you but you stay loyal to your bf because WE DONT SUPPORT CHEATERS!!

You turn around as you’re walking out of the party, and you catch Hasans eye again. He gives you one of those 🙂 like White Person Smile™️ and you know your heart is in trouble.

And Hasan knows he’s in deep shit after meeting you.

The white person smile™ man is so screwed. Man is so screwed and he knows it. Not only does he know it be he accepts it.

The breakup would definitely be a big thing, I'm thinking something along the lines of you begging him to go on a vacation, because you know he's withdrawn from the relationship and you need to spend more time together. Wile on the vacation he tried to propose, but he has boundaries around what he wants for the person marries;like you can't do YouTube anymore, and he wants to be the only source of income you have, and all that. Which obviously leads you to rejecting the proposal. Causing him to leave early and try to ruin you career. Going on to Twitter and saying you've done something fucked up, or he goes to your house and like ruins it. TLDR super bad and public break-up where he tries to paint you as the bad guy.

Hasan, who you have talk to and collaborated with since you first meet, is one of the first people to reach out to you and check in on you. The friendship between the two of you grow even more as time goes on, like he's no longer checking on because of your shitty ex, but because he knows that you have a really important meeting coming in the next day and he doesn't want you to freak yourself out.

[ennabear]

hiya ennabear!! peep the theme :33 absolute loveeee omgg >0<

dyou take nsfw requests? If so, can i ask for loser!abby, whos like, a soft sub (she doesnt really press titles, since she isnt too obedient, but she cannot dominate for the life of her), being very shy and awk with reader since its her first time and she doesnt wanna screw up and do something wrong 😭 ooh im sick shes so precious look at heerrrr

(We are ignoring the boat scene. Owen does not exist. I refuse to acknowledge that tweeg 😡😡)

i genuinly forgot what her short hair era was called .. yaknow, when we find her tied to like, a tree (?? I dont remembed whether or not it was a tree) .. but make it so that the stories set after that 🫂🫂 apologies for not being able to tell you when that was im just very decaffeinated rn and havent had a chance to replay since like last year :P

also, can u make it so that reader is geniuinly js very fluffy and caring and allat?? No demeaning or anything, i want it teeth-rottingly sweet 🥳

thanks in advance! Now back to my deep dark lesbianism-cave-of-shame i go (ФωФ)

--🃏🌀⭐️

HIII NONNIE!!!! i’m posting this separately from the actual fic because when i was writing the authors notes/content warnings i couldn’t stop yapping… i definitely wrote wayyyyy too much for this oops… opened tumblr and my thumbs just couldn’t stop 😭 BUT AWYAOAAOOWYW THANK YEWWW i had to do a bear theme at some point because… well… ennabear……

i do take nsfw reqs!!!!! i’ll write for most nsfw things but if you’re ever too unsure check out my rules!!! I’M SO HAPPY YOU ASKED FOR LOSER!ABBY!!!! i actually love her so much but my loser!abby posts always flop astronomically hard… loser!abby fandom so small we could all fit on a bus…. 🤦🤦

also yes owen slander is 100% allowed here!!! i hate that bitch for not only screwing over abby BUT MEL TOO???? ughhh he gets on my nerves… I CAN’T STAND MENNNNN

i believe the abby era you’re talking about is pillars/santa barbara/catalina abby???? (i hope so because that’s who i wrote it about 😭) i had to do some of my own world building for this because tlou3 isn’t out yet (idek if it was confirmed… but we’ll pretend abby and reader have a happy ending!!!!) so i completely just made up shit about the island, people, environment, etc. (i’ve never even been to california bruhhhh)

writing fluffy smut is my PASSION i gotchu anon 🤝 hope u get some caffeine in your system and a chance to play again!! and if you ever wanna come back out of your dark lesbianism cave of shame, COME BACK INTO MY INBOX!!!!! i love yapping (if you can’t tell)!!!!! TJANK YOU FOR THE REQUEST!!! HAPPY READING!!!!!!

[sowthetide]

heyyyyyyyyy im back (this is TeaInABowl). this is a bit late i guess but i havent been online in a few days (✨family crisis✨) snd just got caught up in reading the other asks. i wish you luck with your own family issues, little brothers are just Like That sometimes (i would know).

honestly the quen-verse is real. and its fucking with my mind. but i also have been having brainworms abt how much the story would shift with genderbending other characters. i dont want this ask to get too long and i know this is a sideblog for your quen fic but oh gids can i talk abt it pleaseeee

also you must have put some sort of spell on this story, i think. bc (here it comes) i dont ship throbb. and i dont like genderbent aus. yet… here i stand (???) i dont even remember how u found this fic, but it has me rooting for a ship that i found annoying on a good day???? ok maybe i should clarify, i dont like genderbent aus in modern settings, but asoiaf is such a gendered world tgat theyre actually interesting if done right (as you have!!!) and i dont HATE throbb i just. wasnt very fond of it. but one thing i DO love is whatever sort of gender fuckery theon has going on, so when i saw your story i thought “screw it, who cares abt the pairing, hell be at war snyway lmao i wanna see how many more problems squidboy can have” but now i want him back???? come home???? wheres the boy?????? our boy???

as for song recs, i have too many, and probably need to compile them in a more cohesive ask. in the meantime, its not quen related but i dare you to listen to “house of gold” by twenty one pilots while thinking of catelyn and robb. i fucking dare you.

"I should have known better. Asha knew how it went with little brothers... A little brother may live to be a hundred, but he will always be a little brother." Sigh. Truer words have never been written. I hope your family issues work out too! We are Fellow Strugglers in that.

The Quenverse is so real!!!!!! It's something goddcoward and I have discussed at length, including (but not limited to) full genderbend Throbb (with Quenlyn & Robyn) and the Ironborn-Tully "Let's Fuck Nasty" Initiative (with increasingly unhinged pairing up of Greyjoys/Harlaws and Tullys. This includes Alannys/Catelyn, Rod the Reader/Brynden the Blackfish, Gwynesse/Lysa, Aeron/Edmure, etc.) goddcoward also has a bunch incredibly fun AUs, including what has been affectionately dubbed "sigil furries", where the Greyjoys are actual humanoid cephalopods and the Starks are werewolf-maxing. Not to mention goddcoward's AU take on Quobb with arranged marriage, which they're still working on... ;-)

PLEASE talk to me about your vision!!!! Also PLEASE send any song recs you've got!!!!

I'm so incredibly flattered that this fic got you to like Throbb, even just for the purposes of this story. Also, confession: I didn't really like genderbends either- that is, until I started writing this story lol. I think it's just because I didn't feel like genderbends were often well-handled in ASOIAF fics, even for a world as Gendered as Westeros? (Not to say they all suck, I've just run into a few that I thought were... Ungood.)

Theon's experience with gender is so incredibly fascinating, and the prospect of him being born female raises so many interesting questions about who he would even be (and thus this fic was born lol). See vivacissimx's theon's gender was always broken, which is prob the #1 Theon Gender primer.

I'm also glad you came around to Robb, haha. You're sounding like Quen in my inbox: "now i want him back???? come home???? wheres the boy?????? our boy???" For a long time, I was mostly interested in Robb as a compliment to Theon and Catelyn's characters, but I've really come to appreciate him in his own right. I can't wait for all the tender Quen-Robb moments in the endgame of this fic 🥲

[b0mblover]

Snowflakes and drugs dont mix (that) well

By: J

(im not even kidding while writing this i got such bad eye pain, i stg lopt is just tormenting me anytime i do anything related to jirou without him in it)

(also this is prob extremely ooc bc im basically describing/romantasiing my own life :,) yes my life sucks dont remind me)

(again, im very muchly not a writer, i was bored and decied to make the probably first jirocrown fic of life 🙂 im genuinely sorry to anyone who reads this shit)

(anon on twt, gfys, and no this isnt supposed to be taken that damn seriously, ik theres an asston of mistakes, but its almost 3 am and i need to sleep!! alr alr u can read it now chill)

-5° (c 23°f) -5° it was cold out, extremely cold. Jirou was walking on a backroad, he didnt know what it was called, even though he had been down it hundreds of times. Around 1 (am) Crown said hed pay him for a drug run, which was rather normal, go on a drug run, hang out with crown, sleep, go home. The only issue was that it took around 30 minutes or so to get there, also normally okay, in the summer. Where he lived, got extremely cold in the winter months, in a “im going to call off of work today because ill get frostbite if i try to go outside” way. This wouldnt be an issue if there was public transport, but of course, the world apparently hated jirou. Jirou was half way there, hands almost shaking because of the temperature, he dealt with the cold ironically well, the reason it didnt bother him as much as normal people was unimportant to him. (reason is because he used to sit on the porch to not hear his parents fight, though it never really worked that well) Maybe it was a fragile ego, maybe he was just broke, but hed never wear gloves, even with the possibility of frostbite taking his hands. He knocked on Crowns door, though he had a key, he felt like he could barely move any joints in his hand to grab them. After a 3 rough minutes, Crown answered the door letting him in. “Ah th thanks, ‘preciate ya getting the shit” Crown handed him  about ¥14000 “This is too much crown” “nah its freezing out plus ive been meaning to pay ya back anyways” “I, if you say so” he was hesitant to take it, but ultimately decided that, crown, a literal serial killer, wouldnt decide to screw him over, at least not like that. 

As normal, they both walked over to the (admittedly dirty) couch, crown, in a pose that was slightly… provocative, jirou sitting normally (as normal as a gay man can). Crown sat a powder on to the table, “uh you gotta card or somethin dude?” jirou handed him a razor blade, “uh vaguely concerned as to why you carry that but thanks either way, uh youre not gonna like use that now though right?” “nnah, dumbass i know what youre doing im staring right at you, why would i hand you something that i was gonna use” “i mean look, you made paintings out of your own blood, for no real reason either! youre not as predictable as you think” “whatever ya say just hurry up” “damn why you say impatient huh?” crown brought his face down to the table after making the powder into a mostly straight line. “Cause i want my share already and you take too long” Crown tossed him the razor blade, jirou aligned the powder into a straighter line than crowns, and snorted it as well. “Yeayea whatever man, the hell should we do any ways, too cold to go out, any ideas?” “sure i have several but the last time we did any of my ideas someone had to be killed cause they were a witness” “ah right, well uh, wanna play uno?” “gonna be real with ya c, the joints in my fingers feel like the are fucking screwed shut at the moment so I’m gonna have to pass” “your joints where what” “*sighs* (bc how do u write a sigh phonetically) fingers too cold, fingers barely move because cold” “oh, what nah lemme feel bro” “fine fine whatever” crown moved his hands onto Jirous, and, of course, they were extremely cold. “Damn dude what the hell, how long where you outside for?” “uh i mean i was smoking when you texted so at least like i dunno 15 minutes more than normal?” “man the hell, cmere” crown had gotten closer and brought Jirou into a hug, granted it didn’t do much, the heating and cooling had been busted for months, crown was surviving on 15 blankets, but it felt nice. Jirou was aware that hugging someone, at least in the position they were in, wouldn’t do much, but he let crown anyways, for a drug addicted serial killer, he always felt at home with Crown, wanted. “Ugh alright alright c i get it okay? i love you too chill” “if i were to chill at the moment id freeze to death jirou” “yea yea i get it kay? I’m gonna go lay down” “right behind ya” Crown followed Jirou into the one bedroom that was there, it was noticeably colder than other rooms such as the living room, but it was much more “lively” or “lived in” plus the mattress on the ground that they insisted on calling a bed with 15 blankets kinda made up for it too. Jirou fell onto the mattress, groaning out a tiny bit before going quite again. Crown sat himself down on the opposite side, pulling two of the blankets off where they were stacked before getting under the one that was already on the bed. Jirou did the same after taking his socks off, he recalled how when this first started, how crown and him would fight about if he should take his jacket off before laying down. back then he’d say it was because he was cold, maybe it was slightly true, or the fact he didn’t want him to see his cuts and scars. After a particularly awful trip Jirou experienced after taking way too much of god knows what and almost having to go to the er, crown was, for lack of a better term in his eyes, well aware, of Jirous life, he broke down to him. After that he was careful with what he said before Jirou called him out for walking on eggshells around him, annoyed that crown was essentially “babying him”, granted unknown if it was on purpose or not. Jirou after laying down, staring at the ceiling, got closer to crown, almost suffocating him with his (fucking gigantic) oversized jacket. Crown moved what he assumed was the hood of the jacket so he could breath and brought Jirou into a tight hug. Jirou accepted, pushing into it instead of pulling away like usual. Crown could feel how cold his skin was, and how warm he felt inwardly.

[bad4amficideas]

hi me again mwahh

anyway since jason is the first robin for Earth-T18, I can see us rescuing him from the Joker before he gets killed (cuz we knew beforehand or smthn idk) and that prompts jason to be yan for us even more. like, before that point his obsession w Bats was idealization, now its "protective sidekick yandere" obsession for him.

also quick question but do the Robins get the feeling that we know certain events/people or do they chalk it up to simply knowing just bcuz we're Batman and we have access to everyone. in ur opinion who would catch on first? my bet is either alfred or tim

also is it okay if i sent u random earth-T18 stuff via askbox. dont wanna overwhelm u.

Hi!!!! I'm glad I didn't scare you off!!!

Saying Eath 1T8 is a vip pass to this blog. You can make your own content, send any and collaborations, asks, go anon, spam me, privates, edit/correct my horrography, whatever you want, the doors are always open for this.

I'm SO glad i got to know or get more people to join my guilty pleasure aka reader insert isekais >3<

Oh yes, in my original idea.

Well, I first tell you, I like to make Bat suffer, and I think that if you change something, something changes accordingly. Dominoes.

In the same way, my idea was that Bat knew what would happen to Dick, but without the absolutely exact date (which was also unexpectedly advanced because , who gives orders to the circus?), the plans were screwed up, in fact, Bats did not even have the opportunity to adopt Dick, poor Bat!

So, my first idea was that Jason died and Bat KILLED the Joker because even knowing in advance what would happen, they couldn't save Jason (Joker swapped places!) who anyway would later resurrect (to strengthen the plot with Tim and the Al Ghul), and said dead, a spoiler that Bat already knew and had them on edge for months tore them apart.

And Bat, who is part paranoid, part fan, part imitating the original Bat, has cameras on their mask, records everything. So they recorded the beating of Joker. And said record was seen by Jason.

What I mean is that, effectively, whether Jason survives or not. Yes, the supreme yandereish of Bat is a fact. Because unlike Bruce, Reader will not hide their pain before and after in their lost whether or not they decide to kill the clown.

As for who knows. Alfred, implicitly. but he is the Yandere -Platonic- King. There is an understanding. You follow some rules (that is, he always knows where you are), and he doesn't bluntly ask you: how you know that?) ...for now, mainly because your "precognition" clearly puts you in control 90% of the time.

After all. If your protégé asks you for help to become a crazymen hunting machine (just when the city gets full of them), not to mention since was little they were muttering things like developing instruments like a mask specifically for kinda-a-gas that causes "fear" "laughter" or idk "an antidote to a lipstick thing that is like hypnotizing", or "we have to look for a radioactive green stone" or more normal but not "don't invest in bitcoins" one begins to suspect.

Then, yes indeed, Tim and Ra's. Two sides of the same coin. Two Bats fanboys. At first -but, like 1 week Tim-, more innocent, thought that Bats was a genius (somewhat Paranoid too).

Later, having entered the dark side, they both thought that they had some kind of meta-ability, until analyzing they realized that they didn't (unless you consider their isekainess one).

They know there is something, but they haven't come to the conclusion "they are from another world where we're fictional." Their thinking is more in line with "precognition", at most "parallel universe", once they begin to know other universes... except that they don't know another Bats.

[fucktheroyals]

You know after reading and reading and reading peoples theories and the meta from before the spn finale aired and the meta writers reactions to the finale I think I have a theory of my own. We don't have any answers tho, so this is pure speculation. If you wanna add something to support or discredit any of this that's cool but there's too many things floating around. Know I dont have proof for this conclusion at all. A lot of what I say is just guesses based on previous facts.

This all came together in my head when I realized how much this finale REEKS of the original producers and who the show was originally for. It REEKS of Robert Singer. Like if the execs started saying they didn't want it, Robert Singer was the one pushing that the story was about the brothers. That kinda thing.

Then, I was thinking of the problems in this episode and it struck me these are all of Supernatural biggest issues and to be honest all of it feels completely deliberate.

Take the sexism for example, Supernatural in it's later seasons largely out grew this, we have Jody, Rowena, Donna, Charlie, Mary, Claire (and even a wayward sisters pilot with MORE women/girls) all making regular appearances. They're mainly good characters and mostly aren't there to hurt our boys. Rowena, of course, is the one outlier being very about herself but it's clear she still cares for them, I mean its part of her development. But they're all real, with character flaws just like everyone else. (And we have Death too and she was POC 😭 THANK GOD)

Now look at the earlier half of Spn, we have Ellen and Jo, who's appearances were far in between. There's Bela in season 3, recurring for quite a bit (5 eps), but she is a character that is only there for herself, definitely not found family (unlike Ellen & Jo), and she's got more episodes in season 3 than Ellen and Jo in season 2 who aren't seen again til season 5. The "fans" send in hate mail after hate mail to try to get these characters off, and eventually they are. Then there's Ruby who's character stayed for a whole two seasons and was a largely recurring character. Why does she get to say so long? She's a plot device. She's supposed to be there to betray Sam. She has to stay (plus Jared obviously likes her). But she's not just a character the writers like writing about. Same with Lilith. Obviously not as recurring but still a plot device. Did they get hate mail tho? You can bet on it. Why? because tHeY'rE gOnNa PuSh ThE bOyS (Dean and Sam) aPaRt ThE sHoW iS aBoUt ThE bOyS oNlY. Without even thinking about the hate mail, just notice how large the difference is from how women are seen in the earlier seasons to the later seasons. Misha got tons of hate mail too for being a character that could split up the boys (probably only being allowed to say because he a man, thanks sexist producers and execs).

Only after Castiel was killed off and then Castiel fans successfully (thank you guys) got him back on the show did the hate mail largely simmer, which means female character's were allowed to stay! Which has lead us to a show with a good amount of female characters. But can you imagine having to kill characters off time and time again because people keep complaining that the show is "only about the boys." Fun times really.

So now we get to this final and we see sexism. But it wasn't just the plain old regular sexism you find in the earlier days of spn. Because now, there ARE women to talk about, talk to. But this episode was DESOLATE women wise, unless they were used for plot (which is also sexist!). Small scenes, they're barely there. Women gets her tongue cut out. Random women from s1 gets killed. Sam doesn't SPEAK of Eileen. Nothing. No mention of any female characters from the boys mouths unless they were from/in this episode itself. That's WIERD. I know we've all said it. But that goes beyond forgetting about characters. I mean its SAM'S GIRLFRIEND for Christ's sake. There is NO REASON they couldn't have said Eileen's name. Notice how Sam's wife is just... faceless. This is literally an age old sexist trope. Like... one of the things about bringing Mary back to life for s12+ is that it takes this trope... of basically a generic mother, and gives her life and feelings, whether you like them or not, they're real feelings. They said Mary isn't just a mom she's a person. Mary's existence in the later half of spn is to fix this kind of female tropes that fall upon her character, to not let these her stay a 2 dimensional character. They said we should know she's more than just the mom who tried to save her kid. Do that is the exact opposite of Sam getting a nameless, faceless wife. The sexism of the old spn wasn't just brought back, it was completely amplified. It wasn't just accidental or some exec "fixing" the story it was DELIBRATE. Whoever wrote that, didn't do ALL OF THAT by accident. Because an exec or a producer who doesn't see the flaws in old supernatural isn't going to write it that deliberately.

Let's bring it back to s10 when Charlie was killed (singer was mainly to blame). Dead in the bathtub, age old classic of burying ur gays. If you were here you know people never let Supernatural live that down. THEY KNOW what bury ur gays means. Hell, Robbie Thompson left because of Charlie's death and you think the writers don't know what it means? I mean both Bobo Berens (especially) and Steve Yockey's careers are centered around LGBT+ storytelling and you think they don't know? They know. They know.

And Dean wasn't just apart of the bury your gays trope, it is so far BEYOND that. Dean being killed on a rusty nail/screw, the tongues ripped out, things that seemed to be meant for other people. Jensen's acting in the last two episodes was giving us "DEAN RECIPROCATES" but no one ever actually saying it. I think it's clear that Dean was killed for being Bi. They didn't address it for a reason, they just silenced him. His narrative was supposed to be about letting him be HIM for the first time, to say what his feelings are instead of having them miscommunicated, and instead of doing that, they just silenced him. And the more we look at this scene the more horrific it gets. The more it's a complete slap in the face and it's supposed to be. Some guy who knows nothing about the LGBT can't write a scene this horrific.

Some guy who knows nothing about Dean couldn't write a scene that deconstructs all of Dean's character development and gives Dean his worst nightmare. I MEAN DEAN WANTED TO LIVE HIS LIFE! THEY DIDNT HIDE THAT JOB APPLICATION (or whatever job related thing that was) IN THERE FOR SHITS AND GIGGLES THEY WANT YOU TO KNOW THIS IS THE ABSOLUTE WORST SITUATION. Dean isn't Barney from HIMYM. If you watched HIMYM then you'll know Barney went from being a stereotypical ladies man and treating women terribly to being in love with a women and treating her right and working hard for it. The last episode of HIMYM (why its so bad) Barney's character development is thrown out and he's back to being a stereotypical ladies man. You don't need to know Barney's character very much to do that.

To kill Dean during a hunt his father never finished, to not have anyone at his funeral, to have Dean die young like his life didn't matter. Those are Dean's worst fears and you'd only truly know that if you watched the gin episode in s3, where they are basically laid out for you. You HAVE to know Dean's character to tear him apart like this.

This episode took all the core elements of the show and did a complete 180° the name of the episode itself is "Carry on" and Dean and Sam very much did not carry on. Sam grieving his entire life so that he good get to heaven and see Dean again. Dean being ready to live his life, despite the enormous pitfalls and learning to love himself only to be killed. "Family don't end with blood." Um.... it did in that episode either literally with Dean's death or you know BECAUSE NONE OF THEIR FOUND FAMILY WAS THERE. Not Jack, Not Cas, Not Eileen, Not Donna, Not Charlie, Not Jody, Not Claire... on and on we go. No one was there, nobody was even mentioned. Dean's funeral, no one even called that we know of. It was just Sam and Dean. Sam and Dean. And Bobby. Don't forget Bobby. But yeah Sam and Dean.

That's what the show is about right, the brothers.

Except it's not anymore. It hasn't been for years.

Cas not being there was deafening but it brought us to a major point. Becky. Becky's telling us about the terrible ending.

And many of us are wondering why would they literally tell us this is the worst ending and then... make it the ending.

Now before we move on, it very apparent many of you think Dabb doesn't ship Deancas. And Dabb doesn't care about the characters.

Say what you will about any plot holes in his writing, the point he is VERY GOOD at writing the characters, and giving us good ones.

Why do we know Dabb ships Deancas? (ill say when its cowrote, other wise its not) cowrote ep 8.02 - purgatory "I prayed to you, Cas, every night" "Cas, Buddy, I need you." "I have a price on my head, and I've been trying to stay one step ahead of them, to – to keep them away from you." 8.08 Hunteri Heroici - Cas helps them hunt! 😊❤ Dean & Cas have a serious convo about why Cas doesn't want to see/go to heaven. 8.22 Dean's mad at Cas. Sam's explanation of why Dean should be easy on Cas: "It's Cas." Dean then points out how he'd knife anybody else if they did what Cas did. 9.10 - Cas comforts Dean when Dean can't take seeing Sam (Gadreel) being tortured anymore. Also tons of Cas. 9.20 (bloodlines) - Canonical couple parallel "I was there, where were you" 9.22 The angels make Cas choose between them and killing Dean and he "gave up an entire army for one guy" 10.09 Claire's reintroduction. Cas heavy ep. DeanCas date. 10.22 THE PRISONER - u know the ep where Dean beats the shit out of Cas but loves him enough to not kill him.

We COULD keep going but I think I've made my point. If Robert Singer is the guy that is like "the show is about Sam and Dean only" Andrew Dabb is the DeanCas shipper. And you could even say a Cas stan.

Notice! How in s13 for SEVEN episodes we have a story that revolves around Dean's grief about losing Cas. Notice! How often the stories in all these seasons have a focus on their relationship. THAT is Andrew Dabb. If it weren't for him doing that, we wouldn't be able to easily say after Dean's lack of a response to Cas' confession, that Dean reciprocates.

To me, when I was (binge) watching s12 for the first time, I thought damn this is really got a lot of DeanCas. So I went to look at who was in charge, who was writing. I saw Andrew Dabb, associated him with Deancas episodes, saw all the new writers, Bobo, and then I saw that Yockey is known for same sex stories and it clicked. Dabb assembled a team to give us Destiel. THAT WAS IN SEASON 12!!!!!!!!

The amount of people saying he's homophobic flabbergast me. Open your eyes! That isn't what's going on.

Imagine making a show and trying to right all the wrongs of Supernatural. Imagine trying to write the greatest love story ever told and you have the entire season planned out for it to end off beautifully, it may possibly be your greatest achievement when it's done and then boom. someone comes in and tells you you aren't allowed to make Dean bi or make destiel endgame, after he was most probably already given the go ahead.

Sure. You could imply he's bi or into cas still in a way. Still make nice-ish ending. just give everyone what the kinda want.

Or you could scrap the last season, nothing close to a canonical bisexual Dean Winchester or Deancas endgame in site. People can be done with it be happy with the show, continue to live their lives in ignorance as to how close they were to Canon destiel.

OR you can lead everyone to the very closest you can get them to what you were aiming for and then show everyone the ugly truth and reality. Light it all on fire. Burn the show to the ground in your wake. Try your darnedest to making these people's (the people saying no) pockets suffer. Show us, the audience, what happened. Show us what this show really is.

I've seen people talk about the ending being changed during covid but I dont think that happened. I think what happened was Dabb already had this season planned out before it even started. Obviously the details were wobbly but it was all lead up to this ending. Destiel endgame, Canon Bisexual Dean, whatever it was. They were ready to write the greatest love story ever told and then someone shut it down.

Imagine the pain that must have caused them to be told no when they already said yes. They must have been so excited to give this to us.

I think someone (some producers) told him what this show is "really" about. The brothers. Can you imagine, after being told no, some kinda bullshit like this is said to you: "Why aren't you bringing it back to the brothers, Andrew? that's what the shows about. What with all this homosexual stuff, you know the audience won't like that. Not really." Imagine the original producers pushing this kind of view on you. "You know when we started it was Sam and Dean. It should end with Sam and Dean." That kinda sounds like someone huh? huh.

So why give us a nice acceptable finale, when you can take every problem Supernatural's had either up front or behind the scenes and create a finale so incredibly bad that people don't want to watch it anymore.

Someone made a good point about how Sam was originally supposed to be the main focus (this isn't to put any hate on Sam or Jared). Dean and Sam are the main characters but Sam was supposed to be the focus and for Dean to have become the focus, must have annoyed the producers because... well here we are. They wouldn't listen to Jensen. The producers liked this ending. Jensen's opinion didn't matter to them.

In some ways, if this is really what happened, it can be seen as childish from Dabb. To hurt all of us like that. Yes, he's hurting the producers, the execs, the cw. But to hurt us? Yeah it stings.

But in other ways, if this is really what happened, this is Dabb showing us the muck and gunk under the shiny surface. The hate for Misha. The hidden hate for Jensen. The underlying sexism. The underlying homophobia. The people REALLY in charge don't care about us, they just want our money. He needed to open our eyes and free us, at least free the people that he was writing for. The people he sees that care about this show.

This is the ending the powers that be wanted and its a big fuck you for a reason. I dont think this is Dabb spitting in our faces for loving this show, I think this is him trying to get revenge for us.

But from here, you can see it how u want it. If this is really what happened, I'm not in charge of your emotions, if you wanna be mad be mad if you wanna be grateful be grateful. And you don't have to believe me either I said this is speculation.

Also, as for all of the rumors like there being shots to the confession scene that we didn't see, which Jensen himself implied, I think that might have been a last ditch effort to canonized DeanCas but obviously it was cut. Like the name change was pretty clear. As for Misha possibly having shot some stuff for 20 I dont know what to tell you. If it's true I dont know where the blame would lie.

I do think however, that if all this was the case, the writers were prepared to become villians here. I mean they told us the writers were villians with Chuck right? So. Who knows what went down so they could give us such a vile ending. It could've been the producers or the writers, who truly knows. I do think tho that people we "trust" did some pretty shitty things to push the narrative in certain directions so now one would see this as the actual ending that was coming.

So again do with my SPECULATION what you will. This was in no way meant to put Dabb on a pedestal or anything. Just meant to give a bit of perspective.

(Also Jensen didn't unfollow Dabb recently he was already unfollowed for years)

[beomglocks]

test me ; c.yj

pairing: teacher!yeonjun x (of age) student!y/n (fem)

plot: no plot im pretty sure its just smut, part 2 of teacher’s pet

w/c: 1.7K

warnings & other: smut, jealousy, teacher!yeonjun, of age student!y/n, implied cheating, yeonjun possessive, does this count as public sex?, kinda public sex?, revising this at 4am so if there’s still mistakes iM SORRY

⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢

after what happened the other day with beomgyu and yeonjun you thought you had won. getting yeonjun jealous was one of your many hobbies. although he'd encourage you to find a new or better one. what you didn't know was that yeonjun was not gonna let himself get played that easily.

see, yeonjun is possessive. if he's fooling around with you, you're his now. messing around with him the way you did, did not slide with him. he had thought about what you did all weekend long. even though it was something minor like flirting with another teacher, he couldn't wait for monday to arrive. he felt bad not giving attention to his actual girlfriend but messing around with you was much more exciting.

he was glad you were already legal or else he'd be in real trouble. even though having sexual encounters with one of his own students would cost his job at least he wouldn't be sent to jail. the thought of getting caught was exhilarating. he could only imagine fucking into you on his desk roughly when all of a sudden someone walks in.

he liked the idea of humiliating you like that but realized that he was the only that was allowed to see you in that much of a vulnerable state.

with that, monday arrived. you had forgotten about the way you riled up yeonjun a few days back. you figured he wouldn't be too mad about it so you decided to erase it from your mind. clearly you were wrong.

you weren't dressed too crazy today either, just a cozy sweater and some jeans. the hallways were busy as always but this time there seemed to be a common topic of murmur.

"did you see mr. choi today?" "oh my god he looks so hot." "i can't believe the teachers are allowed to come to school like that as if they aren't already good looking enough." "i want him to fuck me so badly."

you tried to keep your face and mind neutral as you walked through the halls. it's not a secret that the teachers at your school were good looking and were a casual topic among the students but why the hell was yeonjun suddenly trending?

you bit the inside of your cheek thinking about how suddenly everyone had his name in their mouths. you shook your head to get rid of these jealous thoughts bubbling in your brain and started trying to get to class.

you were barely past the threshold of the door when you hear yeonjun's stern voice, "you're late." you have to physically stop yourself from gaping at his appearance. his pink hair was pushed back to showcase the glory of his forehead but the killing part in your opinion was the leather pants.

you're not really sure how he was allowed to dress up to school like that but you thanking the heavens that no one told him off about it. your eyes not so subtly wandered to his crotch area and you almost got on your knees right then and there. the leather clung to him for dear life and showcased his toned thighs and not to mention his dick. god, his dick was literally on full display. the cocky bastard probably wanted the whole world to know he had the biggest cock ever. if he was gonna dress up like that might as well wear nothing at all.

you shiver, thinking about the ways in which he would take you right on the desk beside him-

"y/n," yeonjun's voice rips you out of your thoughts. "if you could take your seat?" you blink at him dumbly but regain yourself, two can play at this game.

"yes sir," you purr. he watches you closely as you stride to your seat. yeonjun liked to act like a closed book but you knew him, he was trying to get back at you. you weren't exactly sure if you'd be able to handle it but you're willing to show him you can try.

he starts the lesson like normal but the whispers beside you are more interesting. "i think i can see his dick print," whispers someone near you. you look to the front of the class and grin.

it's was really a good thing the leather pants were tight, it truly didn't leave any room for the imagination. you licked your lips, lost in your own thoughts when yeonjun calls you for the second time today. he was really starting to get on your nerves since he never ever calls on you. "y/n when your done daydreaming can you answer this question?"

you feel heat rise up your neck and cheeks. why the fuck did he call you out like that? surely you weren't the only one not focused on the lesson. you bite back a snarky remark that would've helped your pride and instead just answer his question.

after that, he thankfully leaves you alone for the rest of the hour. you're sure he knows you're not actually paying attention to what he's saying. screw english, at this point you want yeonjun to teach you a different kind of language.

the bell rings and strangely the girls in class take their time getting out of the room. you watch them eye yeonjun up and down and give him flirty goodbyes before finally leaving. the thing that irks you is that yeonjun is entertaining them. you scoff as he winks to a group of girls and tells them to have a nice day.

you look around and notice you're the last person in class so you decide to get up and leave. yeonjun catches you before you can get out. "where do you think you're going?" he remarks. you roll your eyes and remove his hand from your arm. "i'm leaving?"

"after that little stunt you pulled friday? i dont think so," he growls backing you up onto the door, shutting it closed. "oh? wouldn't you rather go at it with one of those other girls?" you look at him bored and he raises a brow at you. "someone's jealousy is showing," he quips.

"i'm not jealous," you defend. yeonjun leans closer to your ear, taking your lobe into his mouth. he licks a stripe along the side of your ear and kisses it making you shiver from his heavy breaths. "you sure?" he whispers. you sigh shakily and he moves to walk back to his desk. he settles himself in his chair, looking over at you expectantly.

you slowly walk over to his figure. he chuckles, eyeing your actions. you drop your bag on the floor by his desk and situate yourself on his lap so that you're straddling him. he places his hand on your thighs as you lean down to kiss him. you whimper when you feel his hands travel to the front of your jeans while he sucks your bottom lip into his mouth. you open your mouth and he wastes no time letting his tongue explore it.

you sigh and find yourself grinding on his crotch. you really can't help it since you can practically feel his cock on you as he gets hard. he moves his hands from your zipper back to your thighs, gripping them roughly. "mm baby," he grunts out in a warning tone.

you don't listen and keep grinding on him, gradually getting quicker in your movements. you're pretty sure you're getting your panties and jeans wet with your cum but you don't care because damn this feels good. at this point you just wanna reach your high, you don't care if yeonjun scolds you afterwards.

yeonjun pulls away from you, scanning over your face. there's a string of saliva from him to you and your eyes are hooded looking down at him. "you're so needy today hm?" he pokes your lip in thought. "i guess i shouldn't have treated you that way today."

"yeonjun please," you whine. you try to grind on him more but he stops you. "take off your pants," he orders. you do as told and get back on his lap. the leather pants feel cold on your thighs making you shiver. "well go on baby," he's smiling up at you evilly. "junnie," you whine again.

he ignores you, watching you make a mess of yourself in front of him. the friction of your panties rubbing against his pants gets you feeling hot instantly. "ah- im s-so close," you mumble. your vision is kind of hazy but you can see yeonjun staring at you hungrily. "don't cum yet."

you smack his chest weakly and he chuckles lowly. "alright." he lifts you up and set you down on his desk. you watch him lower the leather pants and he sighs from relief. "the things i do for you," he smirks. he slides off your panties, licking his lips at how wet you are.

"can you hurry u-," he shuts you up by pushing his dick into you quickly. just by that alone you feel yourself about to cum. "faster," you moan. he complies, thrusting into you at a quicker speed than before.

the sound of skin slapping against skin rings throughout the his classroom and it makes your head spin. it's been a minute since yeonjun fucked you lik ethis but you're glad he's doing it now. you really did feel yeonjun deprived.

"do you feel me?" he teases, placing his cold hand on your lower stomach. you nod, frantically not really caring about whatever he was talking about. "jjun-"

"yeah," he breathes in reply.  you let otu a silent scream as you reach your orgasm. the way you clench around his dick makes him moan loudly.

"fuck im gonna cum too," he moans. he pulls his dick out of you and pumps it quickly, making himself cum all over your thighs and lower stomach. after a moment of trying to come to your senses, you flinch as try to get up but he stops you. "leaving so soon," he grunts while pulling his pants back up.

"im just surprised mr. c hasnt shown up," you dont think much of it when you say it but yeonjun frowns. "i told him we were gonna be busy," he mumbles walking back to his chair. you can hear the shift in his voice, "whats wrong now."

"y/n dont test me, you're mine."

[cutemeat]

wait as a newish fan can you tell me how / why rob is misogynist? (like besides his weird things on the podcast lol idk if theres more) and also who is jordan lol

ok im gonna say first of all i was mostly just joking in those tags ur referring to KJNFGDKJ just as full disclosure before I dig into this any further. ..

that being said, me joking abt that stuff in regard to rob is bc it just seems like rob is insecure about how he's contributed to a shitty system and really screwed someone (jordan reid, aka the original Sweet Dee) over personally and after being made more aware of his place in contributing to said system he's overcompensating while he's working thru some of that.... and uh. in all honesty it's something that i find funny and make jokes about cuz i am also someone with an extremely fragile ego n it feels good to deflect and make fun of someone else for having a fragile ego LOL

so it seems like rob's talking on the podcast and in other interviews abt misogyny n trying to 'correct' himself or pulling out that fuckin button on the podcast for 'Solves the North Korea Situation'.... i think this ties into him reconnecting with Jordan (who, like i said, was the og sweet dee who got booted from the production at the last minute largely as result of her n rob breaking up n none of the other guys backing her up...) and basically writing the MQ ep A Dark Quiet Death about that whole situation and the falling out.. idk it just seems like. maybe having to reconcile the fact he has been A Part Of The Problem and an asshole has gotten to him n again it feels like he overcompensates for that in the pod n i like to exploit those insecurities im familiar with in my own ways for laughs LOL. but yknow... i am a 20 yr old unemployed HS drop out on tumblr dot com n hes got a nice mansion and successful career in the film industry so i dont feel like im gonna hurt any feelings here..

so with all that context out of the way: i dont think rob is Actually some raging misogynist ... and if he is I wouldn't know either way cuz I Dont Know The Guy! so def take what I say here with a grain of salt I am very often not being serious and bad at using tone indicators so I do apologize if any of it gets confusing kjndfgkjd. he def has been misogynistic in the ways a lot of men will be without rlly thinking much of it (think dennis' obliviousness to how insane some of his logic about women sounds on sunny, but maybe less predatory but again idk the guy lol) but as of now he seems like he's more aware of that n better late than never n all that!

(once again.. a lot of my opinions here are mostly based in my own experiences and emotions projected onto people and situations I have only heard accounts of in articles/blog posts/podcasts n interviews so def keep that in mind. don't take me as the authority on anything lol. google 'jordan reid' + 'always sunny' and read thru her old blog posts about the situation if u are so inclined and draw your own conclusions! but like i said it's a mostly interpersonal thing between two ppl i dont know and it doesnt seem like there's much bad blood on that interpersonal level anymore rather than anger with a system that failed her. that being said its def a part of the shows history that shouldn't just be forgotten or discarded as it is apart of a larger issue anyway. srry this is all so messy if it wasnt obvious by how badly i am at talking abt this stuff i feel weird talking about strangers lives even celebs but yknow. tbh if i wanna make jokes abt this shit i should be prepared to explain myself anyway. like god im so bad at talking abt any of it seriously but i always wanna know all the dirt cuz I'm so fuckin nosy I love drama n gossip and Backstory!!!)

+ this is an older article that sorta sums up the events n links to her blogpost about it!

[everythingsinred]

001 gakuen alice

wow really! how random that u chose this manga that i dont even care about or whatever

001

Favorite character: tie with natsume and mikan! natsume has been my favorite since day one but even though it took me some time to love mikan as much, they rly are equal to me.

Least Favorite character: UGH like theres characters i hate, like esp and persona, but whose roles in the story i mostly appreciate. if theres a character im kinda meh abt, even regarding his role in the story........ maybe tono? lol i have no real outstanding feelings abt him

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon): im assuming this is romantic? if so: natsume/mikan, hotaru/ruka, koko/sumire, tsubasa/misaki, narumi/misaki-sensei. but ill include nonromantic as well bc i want to: natsume&ruka, hotaru&subaru, mikan&yuka, main 4 as a friend group (which is what we deserved rather than the three of them barely interacting outside of their bond with mikan), and the special ability group (namely tsubasa and misaki with mikan)

Character I find most attractive: kaoru

Character I would marry: maybe yuka. shes the one i would most trust above all. definitely the Best adult in the series. and most sensible.

Character I would be best friends with: UGh maybe yuka again. i trust her the most. its also bizarre now that im closer with age to her than i am with the main characters lmao. yuka is underrated though

a random thought: i have a rudimentary understanding of how alices are sorted according to ability but im ngl i still have trouble comprehending why some of the special ability students arent in latent or somatic. i just accept that i wont understand and leave it at that.

An unpopular opinion: the ending being bad is NOT unpopular. my unpopular opinion is that im not a big fan of like the last 30-40 chapters in general, not just the last three. theres parts i like, but mostly i think it could have been better done. also i dont like that mikan got the stealing alice. i dont like that choice really. i hope that doesnt sound arrogant but honestly im tired so if it comes across that way oh well.

My Canon OTP: natsumikan... ahh im so lucky

My Non-canon OTP: tbh hotaru and ruka! my sister and i made a banger playlist for them and i have sobbed just thinking of their potential. i honestly rly dont care if ppl think theyre a random couple or a way to pair off the spares--i think theyd be a genuinely good match and their scenes together are to die for.

Most Badass Character: probably either natsume or yuka but that badassery also just makes me sad

Most Epic Villain: ew none (ga is not an example of media where i root for the villains lol)

Pairing I am not a fan of: this is such a vague prompt. ill just say that i resent when ppl make one character the character they "ship with everybody" (namely mikan) bc that character tends to be female and there tends to be some very suspect implications about her agency and role in the relationships, like its more abt other ppls interest in her than in her own feelings. im not saying ppl who multiship are all like that (and im sure most multishippers are entirely reasonable) but ive seen enough takes in that vein for it to really rub me the wrong way. i rly genuinely only ship mikan romantically with natsume.

Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): ugh i lowkey dont wanna fully answer this but ill give it a go. first idc abt persona redemption, especially if it comes at the cost of his victims' experiences, so like no. he couldve just maybe died or smth instead. ALSO as ive mentioned with her having the stealing alice, i think mikan's end was not really that great for her character. it bums me out.

Favourite Friendship: natsume and ruka hands down no contest. dont argue with me; i wont listen

Character I most identify with: ah a lot. natsume bc. child abuse victim with anger issues. ruka bc pervasive loneliness and feeling of being a burden. mikan bc god am i really good for nothing can i even offer anything? i hate this prompt its too personal

Character I wish I could be: none lol the choices are to be abused, abuse others, or both so none. maybe id be jii-chan, he truly is outside that whole mess.

if you would like to send me an ask for a character/ship/show or you'd like to rb the original post yourself, heres the link!

[bioodorange]

||How I See The Pastas||

© @frozensriracha, for some help with visuals!!

This was originally supposed to be how they looked but I decided to go for mental aspect and explain why as well PLEASE like, reblog and share your thoughts on this in the comments or inbox

Below the desciptions are images i’ve compiled and some art (if you know the creator please tell me so i can credit them) for a visual

dont forget to like reblog and share your thoughts with me, I spent a few days on this so i’d appreciate this

Jeff the Killer

So lets start with the obvious- jeffs pasty white toothpaste lookin skin

But realistically he wouldn’t be completely covered in scars

It would be blotchy, with pink fleshy patches among the burns

He most likely has contracture scars, third degree burns that turn the skin a pale white and tighten the skin

This explains his gaunt features and skin color

Now we have to take into account the vodka that was splashed on him, he’d probably have worse burns there with exposed flesh and damaged nerves

This would result in gnarly exposed skin, a damaged scalp and maybe damage to his teeth and eyes

Realistically, Jeff wouldnt have burned off his eyelids that alone would have resulted in blindness and death

Than his smile, his signatuure mark would probably be more of a gangly bloody scar mess

Pastas heal faster and aren’t really human, he’d have to recut his smile pretty frequently making it pretty jacket up because ltes be honest hes far from clean

ANd than his hait being chard black is very unlikely because as nasty as he is he s h o w e r s

not very frequnetly given his living situation and untreated burns but people can figure out how to wash hait and not much else

also i think its funny he’d shower with a plastic bag on his face to avoid getting soap in his nasty infected scars-

His hair would probably be dry and cut unevenly, more of a dark brown color with blonde undertones

Not to mention his burned scalp, hair probably wouldn’t grow there so he’d have a cool unintentional side shave

Jeff would also be a tall individual, he cant really eat, snacking on things from his victims homes giving him a more skeletal build

His personality and mindest is about as pretty as his face- but he most likely has a very screwed up headspace

Lacking in self care, maturity and sanity its fair to say he’d be a brash and violent person

Fun Fact: While researching this I learned that some versions of the joker had facial scars in the shape of a smile

Ticci Toby

So tobys age, unlike a lot of pastas, is pretty well agreed on, 19

So unlike when he was first a proxy toby most likely has stronger facial features and facial hair

Because shaving and hygiene isn’t first priority for pastas (gross-)

He stands around 5′7 and has grayish skin

Toby i feel is picky about foods, not only is it hard for him to eat its hard for him to keep food down

He’s malnourished explaining his thin figure and grayish skin

His hait is dark brown and a curlish mess, unkempt but short so it doesn’t get in his way

I’ve always seen him with a small gap in his teeth, because I can

And since toby can’t feel shit I wouldn’t be surprised if he tried to eat rocks simply because he fuckin could

So some chipped teeth that are a bit uneven

Along with his CIPA and not eating enough Toby would bruise easily and have lots of scars, from things like cutting his finger on accident or getting mauled by a racoon

I wouldn’t be surpised if some of his joints were a bit screwed up, because whenever theyd beak or fracture he wouldn’t notice, this would probably happen a lot causing them to not heal correctly

One of tobys habits is nailbiting but he cant te;; when too far is too far

His fingers may be abit odd looking, knobby and discolored nails because of how exetreme his habit is

Would most likely have bandages around his fingers frequently to prevent the habit

So theres a lot of debate about tobys cheek was it the CIPA or the car accident, I beileve the accident because his other cheek is completely fine, theres damage from the OUTSIDE to inside and considering his sister died in the accident its unlikely he survived unscathed

Fun Fact: only a small handful of people have ever been diagnosed with CIPA, less than 500 (documented) cases around the world

Bloody Painter

So Helen is often seen as quiet emo painter boy 

but uh no <3

Personaly i beileve he suffers from narcisistic personality disorder, exetreme importance and that he is always victorious and gets what he wants

This sporuts from the constant heavy invalidation from classmates, toxic friends and neglect from his parents

He doesn’t hang out with people because he doesn’’t lie them its because they never let him in the past and he beileves he’s better than them

But this also links to deep rooted insecurity and social anxiety/being inept completely

Him being nice is basically so you like him, he wants validation amd admiration not love

Unlike the other pastas he’d be a more clean well kept one a helthy figure and some tattoos bevause he can

I beileve he lives in socity, finding hus victims in girls and men alike who fall for his charm

he uses hhis skill and ordinary appearance to blend in on the streets

From his behavior helen most likely keeps his hair a bit shorter and clean

He always looks his best

Has chapped, and picked at lips because of his anxieties

Aswell as his breakdowns- his identity is completely in his head, he is very unsure of who he is and takes the delusions in his mind as reality

Unrelated but paino fingers-

And finally in order for his art to be as perfect and amazing as him, he has to be apart of it

Thus using his own blood in his pieces and the body parts of those he admires

Covers his scars with clean bandgaes

But his paintings turn brown and dry out, he’s always in need of a new medium

Is most likely anemic from all the blood he looses and has a paler skintone

Clockwork

ahh yes finally someone who knows what self care is-

helen, i love you buddy but you need to stop 

But anyway natalie has a stronger, athletic build

She often chases her victims and gets in altercations, relying on strength most  of the time

on that same note, this would defintelty cause many scars on natalie

Wether it was a bite mark or scars from a kitchen knife, shes got lots of scars

A few even on her face

Now, for the clock in her eye that thing is like holding her skull together at this point, realistically

She is probably delicate and cares for it becaise 1) it hurts 2) if it gets screwed up that could cause a lot of problems

natalie would be a smart person, I wouldn’t be surprused if she had a few other stray stitches or bandgaes wrapped around a fresh wound

For more visual-ish things uh m u l l e t (credit: @cum-looking-sock-mf in a chat like 4 months ago)

She has one, fight me on it

but also thick and curlish hair so I also riase you

Undershave

just y e s

I can also see her getting tattoos over certain scars on her arm, just to make them look not so ugly

I feel like clockwork wishes things worked out better

Wishes for another chance but knows she’ll never get one

Thus her taking goof care of herself

Natalie throws herseld into her “work”, keeping her body in shape and killing people

Its a way to avoid her life and that it is- a huge, sad mess

Shes an outgoing impulsive individual, confident but questions her actions

She’s also unstable- protective and loyal but explosive and strong 

Jane the Killer

Jane is the final one, im sorry I couldn’t do more theres a photo limit and I wanna bash my head into the wall

Now a main different between her and jeff is she had surgery and lie treatment

Janes skin is still greatly scarred but it is greatly healed

She takes care of it and had skin grafts

Her face is disfigured, a scarred smile and burns around

But unlike Jeff she doesn’t recarve the cut so its a cleaner line and a lot healthier

Janes hair took a rather long time to grow back, but it did! 

She has a slightly long pixie cut a bit choppy but she doesn’t mind

Her wife definetely cuts it for her and you can fight me over that

I can see Jane having a lot of facial trauma, scars around her nose and cheeks

She was young when she started killing and went for the over the person, pin them down kill which didn’t work out

She switched to a silenced pistol after awhile, you know like a smart person

Janes arms and legs are in alright condition where most of the burn trauma is on her back

She has a leaner but healthy figure but like boobs-

Like clockwork and Helen she takes care of herself

She doesn’t kill as frequently, going after a few of jeffs victims before him and is of course, actively hunting him down

Her eyes are a pale green and she wears makeip to fill in her eyebrows because those bitches take a long time to grow back

fun fact: jeff has no eyebrows, fight me

[blxetsi]

modern levi ackerman dating headcanons

lowercase intended !

levi ackerman x gn!reader

- firstly, lets get love language out of the way

- i think his love language would be acts of service

- so like, he'll brew your coffee for you and set out your favourite mug when he goes to the kitchen to make his tea (bc we all know he'd wake up earlier than you 🙄)

- or he'll pick up a muffin from your favourite bakery on his way home

- or if you ask him to remind you to do something later, he's immediately writing it out on a sticky note and sticking it somewhere youd notice

- he notices youre getting low on your favourite moisturizer ? or lipbalm ? he's taking a picture of the packaging and getting it the next time he drives past walmart or smth

- he just does little things that help make your day better

- now i feel like a lot of people say this already, but he is NOT very comfortable with public displays of affection

- its not that he doesnt like it when you touch him, or hold his hand, or kiss his cheek, he just gets flustered and feels like everyone is watching you two

- but one thing he does allow is looping your arms together while you walk, especially in crowded streets

- it doesnt mean he doesnt like being close with you, he just hates doing it public. when youre alone ? hes ALL OVER YOU.

- "will you play with my hair ?"

- "levi im working."

- "okay can you multitask ?" motherfucker 😐

- doesnt matter if hes the big spoon or little spoon, just being close to you is enough.

- also would try and get used to your love language

- if your love language is physical touch hes genuinely surprised by how many times you put his hands on him each day (NOT in a sexual way) like even his mother never touched him as much and he's a momma's boy 😳

- when you wake up your coming out to the kitchen to fill your coffee, but not before kissing the top of his head as you walk past

- then youre guzzling down your coffee like its water before putting it in the sink and walking back, petting his head in the process

- you'll hug him while hes cooking, or brushing his teeth. youre giving him kisses before he leaves and when he comes home, just little small acts of love, but it happens so frequently that levi cant help but notice it

- your love language is verbal affirmations ? youre getting your coffee while saying "goodmorning beautiful"

- "i love yous" are thrown at him a lot, they never fail to make him feel better

- youll compliment this man and he short circuits for a second, quickly gets used to it as time goes on

- also too i think he'd be taller in a modern au, but not very very tall like erwin, im talking 5'7" to 5'9"

- and he's fine with his height, it doesn't bother him that much, he's the average height of a man so what's the big deal ?

- also he really doesnt care about height either. youre shorter than him ? cool, that means he can bend down to give you little forehead kisses. around the same height as him ? awesome, that makes it easier for him to give you a peck on the lips. taller than him ? mf he'll climb you like a tree if he has to. really doesn't care.

- also doesn't have a preferences for body type or anything. he thinks that character is way more important than looks 100% and he'll always find different things about you beautiful. your laugh is weird ? k now he's making you two watch a john mulaney special to so youll laugh. hate your belly and wanna lose weight, he's holding you and telling you to only lose weight if you genuinely want to be "healthier" and not so you get skinny. your acne scars bother you ? he's kissing your cheeks a lot more than usual, but you can't complain. literally Loves Every Part of You

- also i think his family would absolutely ADORE YOU and his friends for that matter

- miss kuchel is pulling you into a hug the first time she sees you, and is so accomodating and sweet. shes genuinely interested in your interests and what you do for a living, and will NOT hesitate to get levi's baby pictures out if you ask.

- his uncle ? he probably wont be there for the family dinner, but then kuchel's gonna call him up like "levi's s/o ?? absolutely spectacular !!" and then hes like "huh maybe i gotta come visit to see the runt and his lover"

- also i think in a modern au, kuchel wouldve gotten really sick when levi is a boy, so kenny would have came home to take care of his sister and try and take care of levi. in the end she got better, and he went back to his own home, but now she requests that he come for at least one family holidy so they can all spend it together

- BUT back to mr. ackerman

- idk what he'd do in modern times, i used to think he'd be a good english professor for a university, but then i saw a headcanon that he'd go into law school and become a lawyer, and honestly ?? it makes sense

- after a long day at work he just wants to come home to you, he'll find you on the couch reading or doing some of your own work, so he'll just slip off his coat and blazer and undo his tie while slipping off his shoes by the door. before plopping his head in your lap and requesting you to play with his hair.

- if you don't live with him hes taking a shower and then immediately calling you asking to come over. if you can ?? great he'll be in bed waiting to be spooned. if not, thats fine, but levi would like to facetime and rant.

- also has the absolute WORST road rage

- "that little prick cut me off !"

- "levi he's taking his driver's test !"

- "so ? i hope that instructor doesn't give the idiot a pass 🙄" and then will immediately honk his horn at the poor kid.

- also wouldnt be a clean freak like in canonverse. his whole "everything has to be spotless" stuff stems from trauma, specifically being left in an apartment with his decaying mother for weeks on end, but since kuchel is alive that never happens

- were things a little hectic during the time she was sick ? sure ! but kenny always tried to tidy up a bit when he saw it was getting to levi.

- levi just likes things to be neat and tidy, he doesnt do a deep clean of his apartment every two weeks, but always makes sure to clean up his messes as soon as they happen

- also doesnt like to fight

- his mom raised him with the idea that communication is key, and always encouraged him to "explain why hes upset" so they could work together to come up with a solution

- its something hes taken with him to adulthood, and even though sometimes he sounds like hes talking to a child when hes trying to get you to "use your words" he really doesnt mean to

- if youre yelling at him he'll stand there like 😐 and wait until youre out of breath so he can say "okay lets talk about this"

- is also very handy

- have a hole in your wall ? hes coming over to fix it

- need a lightbulb changed ? hes got u dont worry

- you need to assemble a piece of furniture ? he glances at the step by step guide once before hes putting it together

- hes so great at that stuff, and you only have kenny to thank

- literally when kenny first came to stay with levi and kuchel when she was sick, the kitchen light went out and he asked levi to screw another lightbulb in, the poor kid stood there like 🤨 and when kenny said "what ? you don't know how to change a fucking lightbulb ?" levi shook his head and said "uncle kenny im seven 😐"

- kenny was APPALLED. and immediately made it his mission to make levi as handy as himself.

- also, dates with him are rlly lowkey.

- he likes being in your company, so staying home and ordering take out is AWESOME in his opinion. sometimes he'll dress up and make a fancy meal with you.

- if you like going to carnivals and stuff, he's reluctant but eventually caves. wins you a lot of the prizes.

- "fuck. this shit is rigged y/n"

- "sorry levi, lets go do something else !"

- "what ? no. give me another dollar im getting you that fucking turtle"

- hange always wants to see you. levi makes it his life mission to keep you away from them as much as possible. not because he doesnt want you to get along with his friends, just because he knows that hange will spill some embarassing secrets from his college days.

- erwin ? hes okay but hes on thin fucking ice.

- also is very gentlemanly. will not only hold the door for you but for everyone. hes waiting in line for his order and someone comes up behind him and asks him to scootch so they can get some napkins ? mf its grabbing a handful himself and handing it to the person, wishing them a nice day with a small smile. hes just like,, a genuinely good person

- his singing voice ? immaculate. will he sing for you ? no.

- he also loves playing board games with you. like chess or checkers. you love playing board games with him and his friends, specifically monopoly. hange makes moblit form an alliance with them. mike is a lone wolf, and erwin and levi are always helping each other out until erwin betrays him. lots of trust is ruined between these game nights, but you literally cant bring yourself to care because its so fun to watch it unfold

this is my first headcanon thingy !! im v excited !! hope u all enjoyed 🤩✨ should i do more headcanons like these ???

- all in all, levi is a cool guy, and a cool bf.

[luvx01]

hey its ⛸ anon

i rlly wanna rant rn so u dont have to reply but im just rlly upset atm.

me and a girl from my chem class were talking on ft. she added my ex bf by accudent and he joined and we talked and we all laughed. which was surprising considering he hates my guts.

then two minutes after he left the call- he added me, my friend (not the one from chem- this one left me for my other ex when my dad was literally dying) and my current crush.

my current crush was like why u adding my ex in a call

i said i never had his number and my friend from chem class added him by accident

then my ex goes okay wtv but all our classmates know that i like (current crushes name) and i said no like im talking to some1 else i dont like anyone at our school atm and hes like no everyone knows

and my crush laughed- and its making me think that am i that unlikable or what for him to laugh?

but anywyas then my ex says a joke only me and my math seatmate know

and they all laughed

my friend jumps in “guys stop being mean” like in a mocking tone almost.

at this point im over it so i leave and then my friend from chem kinda bitches my ex out and my friend did too apparently but idk shes always lying.

im so scared to show up to class tomorrow cus i have 3 classes with my ex and current crush

and now that i see how he acted towards the fact of me liking him- i do not like him

im gna try my best to ignore them all and pay no attention but they tease everyone a lot and if my friend did talk to him i feel like she made it much worse when i didnt even want her to talk to him.

it just reallyy hurt my feelings and im just v upset also pls give me advice if u can and if u post this if anyone has literally any advice itll help im just like super scared and on the verge of puking from how nervous i am rn but i have 6 hrs till my classes start.

thank u for listening to my rant bsf ily 🫶🏼

hi love, first of all im very upset to hear how you were treated overall in this situation :/ i feel like those friends of yours aren’t really good friends if this was the way they acted during the situation. also screw your fucking crush. there are millions of other guys out there and he’s the one missing out on a lovely person like you.

so imo you need to have a serious talk with your friends first. bcs if they said something when you didn’t want them to talk to them then it’s a problem. you need to outright tell them how you feel and let them know what they did wasn’t ok and be a bit cold if necessary. ik a lot of people say this but communication really is the key. be aware of the tones they use when answering you bcs that can indicate a lot. and keep some distance from them for a while to let them know that what they did has bothered you. i don’t mean like not talk at all, just don’t be the one to initiate it unless necessary.

as for the boys i think you should just straight up ignore them unless they initiate a conversation first. and while talking with them don’t be too cold or like how you used to answer them before. somewhere in between yk?? you need to show them that you don’t really care for what they say but also that you’re kinda bothered. don’t let them see that it hurt you like this. they don’ t deserve anything from you. boys will always be boys. you deserve so much better <3

i hope this was a little bit of help. i don’t think i can give you the best advice since i haven’t been in the situation nor am i you, plus idk any of your friends. but this is just my input on the situation. if there is anyone else who would like to leave their own advice they can just comment!! i do hope you’ll feel better, ilyt <3

[highstwildflower]

Hey :) can you write a small oneshot of Ash being bffs with you and ure working two jobs but refuse to accept his help amd ur also in love with him but dont think hed ever like u back but idk one day he forces u to accept help and also somehow tells u that he loves u and idk u can make out of this what u want, or nothing at all😅 i just thought its a cute idea and yea🙈😅

The one

A/n: thank you for the request! I’m having major writers block, so I hope this is ok! I really like the idea it’s super cute🤍

Words: 1376

"Y/n im hereeee!" His loud voice bounced through your apartment and you screw your eyes shut and mentally scolded yourself. With quick feet you walked towards him, his white tee was tight over his strong torso, the man bun resting at the nap of his neck made you feel weak. "I'm so so sorry Ash I doubled booked, I have to be at work in 20" you shot him your best smile and sorrowful eyes. The groan that left his lips made you feel even worse for wasting his time "I'm really sorry I am! I really need the money, I'm struggling with paying for University" the second the words left your lips you regretted it. His tan hands reached for your shoulders and he gently shook you "hello dummy I'm here to help you!? That is what best friends are for y/n. You don't have to work two jobs, I literally have too much money, let me help you" you had been here before, Ashton wanted to help you and he really didn't see the problem. You on the other hand was not so keen on borrowing money from you best friend who you were desperately in love with. The cliché that made up your life made you giggle dryly "No thanks Ash. I promise I'll catch up with you another day." You didn't wanna send him away, you wanted to hang out with him, hear his beautiful laugh while listening to his new record while he would geek out about some music knowledge you didn't have, but instead you had to usher him to leave.

"I'm not gonna leave, you are not gonna work that much I won't take it. Let me take care of you" he was smiling at you, but the smile was insisting, you didn't want him to help you. You knew how it was going to go, he would end up hating you and having only resentment towards you.

"No Ashton" your voice was stern and the usage of his full name made him understand that you were serious. He groaned and moved further into your home until he took a seat on your couch "hello? Do you not hear me? I'm have to leave." His eyes meet yours, the normally bubbly and friendly light was off and instead you were met with anger "no y/n I'm going to sit here until you accept my help." Angry you walked towards him "get out Ashton, I'm not gonna accept your help!" He just shrugged his shoulders and leaned back. "Fuck this" you mumbled as you left your apartment.

8 hours later you shift ended. The hours had dragged by slowly and you had spent every single minute regretting the encounter with Ashton. Your heart was his, and fighting with him made you feel sick. You had loved him for ages and watched been with other, so you knew he didn't feel the same towards you. But after his last ended relationship you couldn't help but allow yourself to be lulled into a story where he was slowly falling in love with you. When he would pull you in for a hug, you would imagine how it would feel to press your naked body against his. Reality was that you were just friends, or at least you used to be.

The grey sky had opened above you making you drenched, with tired steps you carried yourself home. A heavy feeling of the whole world being against you hung over you like a blanket, when you arrived in front of your door you stopped in your steps. Light was creeping around your door and a light humming hit your ears, a soft smile tugged at your lips and instantly your life felt better.

On the other side of the door Ashton was cooking while humming along to his favorite tune that reminded him of you. The opening of the door alerted him that you were home and he spun around to look at you. You were quick to engulf him in a hug and he was also quick to hug you back, both of you relaxing in to the hug. "I'm so sorry " you mumbled into his chest to which he rubbed your back. The hug when on for longer than what normal is but neither of seemed to care. "We need to talk hun" his voice was back to his normal voice and not the bossy one you had heard earlier but his words made your inside crawl. You both pulled back and he lead you to the couch. You looked at each other and he spoke first "I wanna help you, it's not fair that I get to have a lot of money because of my work and then you have nothing tho you are working your ass off" he was sincere and you knew he felt this way. He worked his ass off too, but you would agree that he was well paid. "Ash, I really appreciated the offer but I have to make my own living. I can't use you like that" before the words even had rolled of your tongue he answered you "is not using when I'm offering. Please just let me help you " the conversation was calm but it wasn't getting you anywhere and you felt your frustration grow. "Ashton we need to end this conversation ok?" He was disappointed and not ready to let go "no y/n. I..I..I" it was like the words he was about to say made him scared and that made you feel frightened. "I love you y/n and I wanna help you " you let out a breath "yeah I know ash, I love you too. But you " "no, I don't love you like that, I love you like the love of my life love " his words took you back and you winched. The words you were so desperate to hear now seemed as a cruel joke. He wasn't in love with you, all the girls who had laid in his bed while he knew you were a testimony to that. Within a rapid motion you stood from the couch "you can't say shit like that" your voice was small but stern, pacing the room your head was spinning from his confession. Ashton raised from his place as well. His body was in front of you within seconds, stopping your motion "listen to me y/n, please. I understand why you don't believe me, but hear me out?" Your eyes met once more and you wanted to hear him out, if there was even a chance for the life you wanted you wanted to take it. Carefully you sat down again, as if any quick movement would smash this fragile moment and make reality drag you down into a pit of darkness. His hand reached for yours and you allowed him to hold it while he spoke "I didn't realize how much I love you until recently y/n. I mean, I knew you were special but I always just thought that we were bffs, and I wouldn't wanna ruin that. I still don't" His ramble came to a short break as his breath was uneven and his eyes wild. Your thumb rubbed over his palm and he carried on " When my last relationship ended I finally saw it. You are here for me through everything, you are the one who encourage me when I'm down, the one who listen to my endlessly talk about music, the one who pretends to care about what ever I like. You are the one who holds my hand when im scared, y/n. I want you to hold my hand forever, and I wanna hold yours. When im feeling down you are the one who makes me smile again. Its like we were meant to be, and im sorry that I didn't realize it sooner." 

His hand reached for your head and you allowed him to pull you close. Noses rubbing against one another, breath fanning the others face and lips touching ever so slightly. You leaned forward and melted into the kiss. The world faded, every problem didn't matter. He was there with you, and that was all you really needed.