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shaynesthetic · 9 months ago

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The only thing I think I got right | Luke Castellan

Word Count: 10.2k

A "Better Unknown" AU oneshot

Main Series: Better Unknown

Pairing: Luke Castellan x Minor God! Half-Blood! Gender Neutral MC

Synopsis: Out of everything that Luke thought he fucked up his entire life, Y/N leaving him where he stood was the ultimate fuck up he wishes he hadn’t. How can he fix this? And will he be able to?

Tags: Two idiots, mutual pining, Best friends to lovers, fluff, angst with comfort

Warning: Little beta- reading, foul language

Banner by @/cafekitsune

A/N: Hello once again! This was a last-minute idea that's why I'm a little late. Happy Valentines Day! Or belated Valentines' Day if it's already the 15th for you like it is for me. Once again, English is not my first language so apologies for any grammatical errors. Critiques are always welcomed.

A/N: Also, I correct some stuff whenever I see fit sometimes. So if anyone sees any errors, no you didn't. Also also, as of February 16, 2024, I have updated the ending.

It was the month everyone either despised or loved; It was Aphrodite’s month. A.K.A Valentines. February was always Camp Half-Blood's busiest month. With nymphs making sure every tree was lush and perfect, satyrs helping Demeter kids with preparing and picking the ripest strawberries, Aphrodite kids running around the camp supervising preparations for a feast to be held in honor of their mother alongside some Hermes and Hephaestus kids who were tasked on helping them, with a small fee of dessert that is.

Half of the campers were hanging out with their friends today, grateful that they could finally have a day to themselves, either by canoeing on the lake or having picnics in front of the beautiful views the Hill can give them. Younger campers made heart-shaped letters in the arts and crafts center to send to either their parent or the person they wanted to confess to. Others were practicing the lyre, particularly the Apollo kids, who were asked to help serenade confessing individuals, once again, with a small fee of their food portions, drachmas, and other privileges.

Then there was Y/N. Along with some Ares kids, they were on the training grounds, passing the time. It wasn't that Y/N was a bitter gremlin on Valentine's or anything, it was just that they treated it just like any other day. Why need a day to celebrate your love for others when you can do that every day? Was their philosophy. Truth be told, ever since their mom's passing, they just didn't see the point in celebrating. But that was before coming to Camp Half-Blood. They didn't celebrate arriving in camp either, don't get them wrong…but at least they weren’t alone. It wasn’t like the Ares kids were bitter gremlins either; they just didn’t care. Well, they claim they don’t. But you’ll have to take their word on it.

Y/N was with Clarisse and one of her other siblings, Mark, who insisted on joining them. Clarisse was helping Y/N with the spear, also with a small fee (why would anyone work for free nowadays anyway?). They have been sparring for a few hours, and none have yet to let down. Perks of being the Ares kid and a minor god, respectively. Another sparring session commenced and Mark just watched as their sibling and Y/N hit blow after blow with each other. The clashing of wood and iron made the air sting with adrenaline, and both took advantage of it.

The dropping of the spear took Mark off his apparent disassociation, and the scene came into view. Y/N was on the ground, with Clarisse pointing a spear to their neck, one minor move from Y/N and Clarisse could nick them. Y/N, out of breath, smiled and looked up at the girl, before nodding and raising their hands in complete surrender. "Alright, Clarisse. You got me." The child of Ares cackled victoriously at them, Mark in the background cheering. Y/N got up and brushed the dust off their clothes.

“You’re kinda getting good. You still suck but the sparring’s getting you somewhere.” Give it to Clarisse for giving compliments, if you can call it a compliment. But Y/N took it as one. It was a rare occurrence for the Ares cabin’s head counselor to give compliments to other cabins, but for some odd reason, Y/N was an exception. Well, it wasn’t THAT odd. Y/N and Clarisse were best friends, and other campers find that awfully odd. But to Y/N, they were odd to begin with and everything in their life, from the Gods to prophecies to quests are too, so who cares? Being friends with the biggest bully and their other siblings in the camp was the least of their worries.

Y/N rolled their eyes at Clarisse before shoving their hands in their jean pockets, making their way to a hay bale, and plopping down on it. Clarisse sat next to them, looking at the spear in their hands. “Any plans for the Goddess of Love’s Day?” Y/N asks out of the blue. Clarisse only stared at them before she started laughing with malice. Is it malice? Y/N couldn’t tell.

“What do you think, Ease?” Clarisse smirked as Y/N blushed at the nickname. It was a nickname given by Y/N’s other best friend, Luke, the son of Hermes. It was a nickname to embody what Y/N was to Luke, as he claims. Ever since the duo came back to camp after a particularly harrowing quest, Luke never had any troubles with sleeping and claimed Y/N had everything to do with it. Y/N begged to disagree, although they weren't going to admit he was right. Ever since, that nickname stuck like glue. Luke took every second embarrassing them with the nickname. It secretly infuriated them, but Y/N knew it had to be endearing, so they let it go. Y/N had a weird set of friends, who would never get along they think, but Y/N didn’t care. A friend was a friend.

Clarisse, unfortunately, one day had the fortune of hearing Luke call them that. It was during one of the sword fighting training sessions with Luke, and he, out of either pettiness or wanting to embarrass the hell out of Y/N, called them up to be their test dummy sparring buddy. It went smoothly at first. Y/N wasn’t new to Luke asking them to be his sparring and demonstration partner whenever both Y/N’s cabin’s itineraries and his time as a teacher coincide, which doesn’t happen that often, but when it does Luke took advantage of it. Regardless, Y/N did it for Luke. And Luke was always ever so grateful for it.

After a few demonstrations from Luke, the real sparring commenced. Y/N knew they had no leg to stand on and was awfully aware that Luke was the best swordsman in Camp Half-Blood. There was no way in hell they’d beat him. It was a short spar and before they knew it, Y/N was on the ground, a scene Y/N was all too familiar with to the point Y/N might as well befriend the ground they walk on by how much accustomed they were to being face to face with it.

Luke smiled at Y/N as the tip of their sword was right in front of their throat and Y/N rolled their eyes. "You okay there, Ease?" he asked, offering their hand for them to take. Y/N partially accepted the offer, before their eyes widened. The nickname wasn't supposed to go out to everyone else. They looked at the crowd before them, Apollo kids, Y/N's cabin, and unfortunately, Ares kids and Clarisse. Shame and embarrassment became anger, and Y/N swatted Luke's hand before beelining to the exit.

Luke stood there stunned, not realizing the gravity of the situation. It took him a while to finally understand what he had done. Y/N had firmly asked them to keep the nickname between themselves. But Luke couldn't help it. He forgets himself whenever he's in front of them. It was like Y/N was his tunnel vision, and he forgot every ounce of autonomy and thought. He knew he didn't mean to embarrass Y/N but it slipped. And now, Luke had to ask for penance. It wasn't new for the two to bicker and fight, it was in friends' nature to do so. However, this was different. Y/N was the type to always prove a point, and they'd normally react with a malice-laced “What the hell does that mean?” or a very exasperated “What?”, but today was different. They left without arguing, and that scared Luke more than all of their heated fights combined. He swallowed from worry and nervousness before apologizing to everyone in the arena, also beelining to the exit. Clarisse was there to witness everything, and for once that day, she snickered.

Ever since that day, Ease had stuck in everyone's minds. Although no one dared to use it and stuck on calling Y/N their name, Clarisse would use it often to either taunt or tease them, there was no in-between.

"I hate you so much" Y/N begrudgingly says, looking far away from them. Clarisse's laugh roared as a response. "Does Mr. Loverboy have any plans for you both?” That got Y/N's attention. They tilted their head, trying to decipher her words. Clarisse, ever so observant, took that as an answer and sighed.

"He's such a fucking loser." Mark and Y/N's heads snap up, nonverbally lecturing the girl for the use of such…language. It was second nature to think Chiron was listening to them, and the look of disapproval from the camp director was hard to remove. The last thing they wanted was Clarisse getting in trouble or worse…dishwashing duty. “What? It’s true, isn’t it? That boy is in love with you and couldn’t get the balls to confess to you. He's stuck looking at you like a kicked puppy every time he even catches sight of you it's so damn annoying.” It was now Y/N’s turn to laugh, albeit it was more bitter than straight coffee. They knew it wasn’t possible. Y/N knew their feelings for their best friend were genuine but for some sick, twisted, sadistic reason, Y/N decided upon themselves to assume that it was one-sided, and thus made it their mission to lock it up and throw away the key. Even if they weren’t romantically involved, they were just happy for Luke to be a part of their life. Y/N has convinced themselves.

“I can’t believe I’m friends with idiots!” Clarisse raises her arms in frustration and annoyance, to both her best friend and Luke themselves. It was clear that they danced around their feelings and it was so fascinating that an Ares kid out of everyone saw that, out of all the kids in the camp. It was comedic, albeit sad, but comedic.

“Clarisse, you’re the only one who thinks that.” “Not really.” Mark immediately interjects. Y/N glares at the kid, Mark shrugging in response. Clarisse pumps her fist in the air and high-fives Mark in vindication. “Even the kid sees it, Y/N. Stop telling yourself it ain’t so because it is. Luke loves you and you love him. End of story.”

"I'm content that he's part of my life, Clarisse. Isn't that enough?" The last sentence came out in the form of a whisper, which even Y/N was surprised by. They tried to convince either themselves or Clarisse & Mark that that was the case. Why were they getting choked up about this in the first place? Weren't they content that he was part of their life? Y/N damns their actions for betraying their words.

“Look, just accept the fact you like Luke. Stop pretending and stop convincing yourself that you don’t. Let your feelings out.” Clarisse blurted out. Y/N couldn’t help but not stifle a laugh. “Since when did you become Aphrodite’s kid?” Clarisse jokingly punched their shoulder, a blush creeping in her cheeks. “Shut up.” The Clarisse that they knew, the one who hid her feelings well, embodied pride, arrogance & exuded bravery, and wouldn’t dare give any advice, less a confession, was back.

“Look, I’m just saying that you’re no better than Luke. You might be even worse than him. And I don’t like seeing my best friend sulking because they made their own bed and laid on it. Stop being stupid and accept the fact that Luke has feelings for you and you have to as well or I'll have to beat you with a stick just to get it through your thick skull."

Y/N spent the entire day looking for Luke, who was nowhere to be found in his normal stations. They asked all his siblings about his whereabouts but nothing. Na-da. Zip. It wasn’t like him to disappear. In a day they’d see wafts of his brownish-black curly hair in the crowd multiple times and knew it was him. Whenever they see him, it was as if he's the only one they can see.

They decided to look around the cabins once again. They bargained to themselves that if they didn’t see him that time, they’d just look for them at the dining pavilion later tonight or just assume he’s busy. They were so busy with their thoughts it took them a while to finally see the man of the hour. He was leaning against the Aphrodite Cabin, talking to a girl. The girl was blonde, and her height was the same as Luke's shoulder. Louise Clifford-Jacobs, Y/N remembered her name. They were one of Aphrodite Cabin’s kindest members. Y/N wasn’t close to them but they’ve talked once in a while and they’ve heard nothing but kind words from everyone around her. They were laughing and the girl was giggling, excitement drawn on her face. She notices Y/N approaching him and she taps Luke's shoulder before pointing to their direction.

Luke looked away from her and saw Y/N, smiling and waving. Luke offered them what seemed like a smile and a hand raised. The smile was something Y/N noticed approaching him. It looked as if it was out of nervousness or tiredness, Y/N couldn't pinpoint which one. It looked forced and was nowhere near Luke's actual smile.

Still, Y/N flashed a big smile at Luke, happy that they finally found him after that unnecessary scavenger hunt to locate him. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you. You weren’t in the Sword Fighting Arena and your siblings didn’t know where you were”

Luke shifted on his feet, hung his head down, and put his hand on the back of his neck. “Hey, Ease. Yeah sorry ‘bout that I had a lot of things to do. I’ll make it up to you soon. Honest!” Y/N nodded their head in understanding. “Oh yeah!” they exclaimed, remembering why they were looking for him in the first place. “I was gonna ask you something. Do you have a second?” Luke began looking between them and Louise. The air suddenly felt thick as tensions and awkwardness rose as if Luke was caught between a rock and a hard place. It seemed as if Luke made his decision when he responded, "Oh shit, sorry Ease I'm in the middle of something with Louise. Do you mind?"

The smile on Y/N’s face dropped and a forced hard line formed on their lips. “Oh. Oh okay. No worries. If it’s important I can ask you some other time. Bye Louise!” Y/N quickly walked away with hands in their pockets. Y/N felt a pang in their chest, and their heart began to beat more rapidly than normal. They didn’t know what they were feeling. Sadness? Disappointment? It seemingly wasn’t Y/N’s Day, but they convinced themselves that it was because Luke was busy, considering he was Camp Counselor after all. Yeah, that’s what it is. Y/N tried to rationalize what took place. However, Y/N evidently came up short.

It had begun to be a daily occurrence it seems, Y/N finding Luke, asking if they could talk or hang out with them and him disregarding them, brushing them off, or telling them they're busy. Just like it became a sudden everyday occurrence, it also became a nuisance and annoyance to Y/N. Once can be brushed off as a mere coincidence but multiple times in a week? Now, that wasn't a coincidence. It had become clear to Y/N: Luke was avoiding them. But why? Did they do something to upset Luke? Couldn’t be. Was it? It didn’t make sense to Y/N. It didn’t make sense to poor ol’ Annabeth either, whom Y/N found solace in. They felt bad and shameful, talking to a literal 13-year-old about stuff they should be dealing with on their own. But Luke was Annabeth’s brother, and Annabeth knew more about him than Y/N would ever in their lifetime. So, it made sense that Y/N would approach her.

"I could've sworn Luke was walking back and forth from the beach. I've seen him there multiple times a day. Even at the lake with the canoes, I'd see him too. He always looked nervous and his hands were clammy. He was very jumpy too. Whenever I’d ask him, he’d brush me aside, force me off his case, and make me return to the Athena cabin.” Annabeth explained one day when they asked about their sibling’s whereabouts. Y/N was slowly getting frustrated, not at Annabeth but at the lack of answers. Who wouldn’t be? Your best friend, out of the blue, began ignoring you; without offering any answers, without explanation. Anyone would go insane just thinking about it. Y/N felt they had no one else to blame but themselves.

Y/N felt despondent more and more every day, and it wasn’t hard to notice. Their signature smile was gone, they weren't eating much, and aloof. Their cabin-mates noticed it too. They weren't their enthusiastic self and slugged around with their activities for the day. Their siblings, wanting to distract them from whatever caused their unorthodox behavior, asked if they wanted to do hand-to-hand combat or forge weapons in the camp forge, which was what Y/N liked doing the most, but was met with a shrug and a distant stare off into the abyss.

It wasn't just their cabin that got the brunt of Y/N’s melancholy. Half of the population in the camp did. Their beds weren't as comfortable as they had gotten used to. Campers began feeling awful emotionally waking up, some had dreams that caused nothing but dejection and misery. Some Aphrodite kids even woke up feeling nothing but heartache, even though it was supposed to be their month. Everyone was affected, and regardless if Y/N knew of this or not, that wasn’t a matter to them that they cared enough about to fix. Selfish? Probably is.

The last straw was on a random Tuesday when once again, Y/N looked for Luke. They once again, like clockwork, looked everywhere for him. They finally found them near the Hermes cabin, talking to his half-siblings. Approaching them, they sensed that Luke wasn't in the best of moods, with his back tensed than usual and their siblings looking as if the ground was far more interesting than their older brother's lecture. The two, who they later found out were the Stolls, noticed Y/N approaching. Connor (Y/N thought it was Connor but they weren’t sure) looked at Luke before directing his eyes towards Y/N. Luke's eyebrows scrunched up before looking at what had gotten the Stoll siblings' attention. Y/N, with hands behind their back and with a thin line on their lips, greeted Luke.

Before Y/N could greet them, Luke stopped them. “Listen, Y/N. I know you wanna hang out with me and tell me whatever this is you want to tell me. I get that. I see that. But please, not now. I’m in the middle of something here.”

Y/N’s eyebrows furrow in sadness and in turn look at the Stolls. Y/N, who has been patient with their best friend, just wasn’t having it. Out of either frustration or desperation, Y/N spoke. “I know that and I understand that. Being a camp counselor is hard work, especially with these ruffians trying to tear down every wall in the cabin.” Y/N tried to lighten up the situation, earning a snicker from the Stolls, who weren’t their intended audience. Luke just stood there, his face still the same, albeit more unamused than before.

“But you have to relax for once. You’ve been at it for days now so I was won-““No.” Luke immediately interjects with hints of venom laced in his teeth. Y/N’s breath hitched. This was the first time in their life they’ve heard Luke speak like that. He was usually this nonchalant, chill dude. Serious when needed but a stand-up guy. Today wasn’t the normal Luke. No, it was something else. It made Y/N’s spine tingle with fear. It also made the Stolls’ back straightened.

“C’mon, Luke. I know you’re working hard but-""I said no, Y/N. Gods above, can’t you please just listen to me once? I’m busy. Please. Leave.” Y/N gulped, looking back at the Stolls before looking back to Luke, whose eyebrows furrowed and scar making him all the more menacing. Y/N immediately left, locking themselves away in their cabin. They looked up, and just thinking about Luke’s tone and expression made them tear up. It was oh so wrong for Y/N to cry over someone, let alone a boy. But this was no ordinary boy no. This boy was special to them, and their expression of annoyance towards them felt like a stab to the heart multiple times, each time the intensity got worse and worse and as a joke, his expression kept removing the daggers only to put it back in.

This made Y/N’s overthinking tenfold. They have settled at the fact that Luke hated them, thought of them as an annoyance, thought of them as excess baggage. These thoughts overwhelmed Y/N and in turn, tears welled up in their eyes, cascading onto their pillow until they fell asleep. None of their siblings tried to bother them, eyes looking back at each other laced with sympathy towards their once exuberant sibling. Y/N ultimately missed lunch and dinner, and Luke noticed that day that Y/N was nowhere to be found. But ultimately decided not to do anything about it.

It was a Thursday when the downfall came. Y/N, who was feeling nothing but sadness the past couple of days, like a shift of tides, has inadvertently turned this sadness into something else; something much more dangerous and malicious: Anger. It was all of a sudden. Y/N woke up on the wrong side of the bed, and that’s when everything went to shit. Y/N’s anger poured over everyone in their cabin. Sammie, Y/N's bunkmate, asked them what was wrong. They were always there for Y/N and Y/N considered Sammie their closest sibling out of everyone. So, it was a surprise to all of their siblings when Y/N’s voice, filled with malice and venom, barked “LEAVE ME ALONE. CAN’T YOU SEE I’M NOT? FOR GOD'S SAKE JESUS ABOVE! ARE YOU STUPID OR BRAIN DEAD?” Everyone’s mouth hung open as they looked at each other, either out of fear or mere awkwardness. Y/N wasn’t the type to scream at anyone out of the blue. They were boisterous and loud, sure, but it was out of happiness and eagerness to wake up every day. But now, it was like a cloud cast over Camp Half-Blood, even though it never rained there.

Everyone stopped what they were doing to look at the scene in front of them. Y/N on their bed, blanket strewn about on their legs as they scowled at the now teary-eyed Sammie. Time stood still and the air got more and more heavy. Here was their zealous and exuberant sibling, who woke up and randomly just chose to pick a fight the moment their eyes opened. It wasn't like them. But no one knew what caused them to snap. Someone had to step between them and Hayden, one of the older members of the camp, guided Sammie away from Y/N before they further angered them. Essie, another one of their siblings, glared at Y/N.

Y/N, with everyone's eyes on them, finally was hugged by clarity's warmth and their eyes softened. They looked around to see their siblings looking at them with the expression of either disgust or shame, and Y/N couldn't stand to be around their siblings. They tossed their blanket aside and went out of their cabin, head down.

Maybe walking could clear my head. Y/N thought. So, they walked. And walked, visiting every place you can go to in camp, rinse and repeat. They felt like a soulless traveler, wandering aimlessly around. Lifeless and tired. As they began walking back to their cabin however, a familiar voice tried to stop them. They tensed up, realizing it was Luke, the same boy who had been ignoring them for days, who now had the utter audacity to come up to them as if nothing had happened.

Y/N, more infuriated than before, turned around to look at the boy. He was in a smiley mood, creases formed on the side of their eyes. This was Luke’s signature smile that he knew Y/N loved, but unfortunately for him, today wasn’t the day it’d work on them. They glowered at Luke with intense fury in their eyes, and Luke, at that moment, wanted nothing more than to be sucked in by a black hole from where he stood, even though they had no idea what had made them furious like that. In the years of knowing Y/N, Luke knew they had that specific look whenever they were furious, that one that made you want to eat dirt or bury yourself alive.�� It wasn’t a normal occurrence, which made the intensity of the look way worse. And whenever they did show it, regardless of how many times they’ve done so over the years, it always felt like the first, and Luke always shuddered seeing it. He wasn’t thrilled when his Ease was upset. And in years of knowing them, knew not to mess with Y/N during their spouts of anger, but what Luke wanted to tell them was very important to both of them, Luke thinks, and assumed it’d make Y/N’s mood better, just like every other plan Luke had for them when they were mad or upset. In hindsight, this was probably the worst decision Luke has ever made.

"Hey, I was looking for you. Do you have a second?" Luke put his hands in his khaki pants' pockets and smiled at Y/N. Luke's nonchalance made Y/N's expression turn from anger into disbelief. Did he actually believe that Y/N, whose face is red with anger and disgust towards Luke's actions for the past week, would just come around and entertain Luke's question? Certainly, no one would. Disbelief turned into fury, and Y/N's hands turned into a fist. They approached Luke, and for a minute Luke smiled. Tunnel vision once again washed over Luke, and unfortunately for him, he failed to see Y/N, who without hesitation, swung at him.

Luke was on the ground in an instant, shock painted across his face. He felt for the side of his lip, which was now cut open and oozing with blood. If Y/N was in a better mood, they’d take a picture of Luke’s expression and hang it up so people would gawk at it. But alas, Y/N didn’t have a camera, and they weren’t in the mood for stupid jokes, let alone Luke’s.

“You really have the gall to ask me that? After what you’ve fucking done?” Y/N’s every step was filled to the brim with resentment, each step might leave and burn a permanent mark on the ground. Luke wasn't looking forward to what Y/N was gonna do to him. And Luke, in all of this, was painfully unaware of what he had done, as evident by the clueless look he had, which infuriated Y/N more.

“You, Luke Castellan, are the stupidest, shittiest, and the most pathetic excuse of a man I've ever met in this entire lifetime. You ignore me for days, brush me off when I try to talk to you and act like I don't exist. You are just as cruel as the Gods. No, scratch that. Even worse. If you didn’t wanna be friends anymore you could’ve just fucking told me instead of you acting like you don't see me.” The anger in Y/N seemingly dissipated, replacing it with another just as intense if not more emotion: Anguish. Y/N's eyes were now filled to the brim with days' worth of unshed tears, it was as if the dam inside their heart finally burst. Luke finally, by the grace of God, realized the critical error they'd made. They didn't mean to leave Y/N in the dust like that, but Y/N didn't know that. It was his fault for not communicating with them about it. He, upon seeing his best friend, with tears in their eyes and anger and other pent-up emotions over the days splattered in both their face and actions, knew he had morally fucked up. Luke Castellan, who was very much aware of how many times he had fucked up in his life, who was so used to seeing the consequences of his actions, for seemingly the first time, was now so blissfully aware of how unaware he was of the damage he’d done. The last thing he wanted was to make Y/N feel anything but happiness. He never wanted to hurt them or make them cry. They swore one day years ago that until they died, they wouldn’t make Y/N feel that way. To be alone. To be abandoned, like the Gods did. Luke had always been angry at the Gods for ignoring them and didn't want anyone, especially their best friend, to feel that way after everything that had happened to them. But like the Gods, life was cruel like that, and promises were sometimes made to be broken. And Luke failed. Yet again. He did. At that moment, he realized just how much anguish and pain he had caused. Luke's expression softened and regret was now sprawled across his face.

Y/N raised their fist towards Luke, and he closed his eyes, expecting a second punch to land on his face. I deserve it. he thought. But he waited and waited until…nothing. Instead, Y/N's fist faced the ground, and their head was down, tears dripping onto the dirt they were now kneeling on. They gripped on their pants like a lifeline, as they shook with rage. Luke, fully grasping what was happening, tried to approach them and touch their hand. But as soon as he tried, Y/N moved away from him. At that moment, you could hear Luke's heart shattering into millions of pieces. He'd officially ruined it. Just like everything he touched.

Y/N stood up and wiped the tears that were threatening to spill from their eyes. Their hair was a mess, shirt rippled as if it wasn't ironed and their hand was now a little bloody from the punch to both Luke's face and the contact with the Earth. Y/ N looked at Luke with malice, and Luke unconsciously stepped back.

“Stay away from me, Luke Castellan. If you know what’s good for you, I advise you to do so. Never ever talk to me again. Go fuck yourself. We’re done.”

Relationships end, that was a given. Love was silly like that. Breaking up and losing who you thought was your forever was one of the saddest heartaches you can get in life. That was universal knowledge. But Luke, at that moment, knew that that wasn't the case. To him, the most heartbreaking thing was to see their best friend walk away, just like that. They essentially gave up on him, and Luke had nothing to blame but himself. The one person who he knew wouldn’t give up on them, did just that. Friendships come and go, and over time and unexpectedly, they can break off. And all you can do is accept and move on. That was natural. But this wasn’t something Luke didn’t want to just accept. He knew this one’s reason wasn't natural. And it had one reason: him. Luke Castellan. Son of Hermes. A fuck up.

Luke laid on his bunk bed, contemplating. This had been going on for two days already. Luke waking up and doing nothing but brood and contemplate. Nobody in the cabin bothered him, aside from Chris who stepped up as temporary camp counselor for him and updated him once in a while about what they did that day, and his other younger sister Mia who cleaned up his wound upon seeing him enter the cabin, dazed and hurt. He would kill just for Y/N to say something to him, to scream at him, do something instead of the cold glares they have given them when they reach the dinner pavilion or even as they walk near their cabin. For some reason, Y/N always knew they were there, and it pissed them off even more. The silence between them was deafening, and Luke hated every minute of it. It wasn't rare for the two to fight, Y/N was feisty and loved arguing, especially when they knew they were right. But the first time, when Y/N decided that they weren't gonna argue, got Luke shaken up and scared.

Luke had looked everywhere for Y/N that day. He knew he royally fucked up, calling Y/N by their nickname that they’ve agreed upon should be kept in secrecy. Put that in the list of things Luke has fucked up in the years of their friendship. Worry filled Luke’s brain. What if they went to the forest and got hurt? Luke wouldn’t forgive himself if that happens. He’s lost a lot of people in his life, and when Y/N came into his life, while ambivalent at first, later on promised to himself that he wasn’t gonna let anything happen to Y/N. He had sworn to protect them, even though he knew they didn’t need him. Luke was just about to give up, his nerves shaken as he anxiously thought of multiple what-ifs in his head, when he found them ultimately in the last place they never bothered to search: the campfire.

Y/N was sitting on the ground, hugging their knees. They were looking at the ground. Luke hesitantly walked towards them and sat next to them. The fire crackled as a girl, who was not older than 8, tended to the flames. He could’ve sworn he's never seen this girl in the years he’s been here but that didn’t matter. Y/N sensed someone was next to them, and looked up. Luke sheepishly smiled at them and in turn, Y/N looked away.

Luke sighed and laid his head on their shoulder, closing his eyes. Y/N didn’t shrug him off, which was a good thing but they weren’t looking at him. They just sat there, the crackling of fire the only thing you could hear as it danced like two lovers in an intense dance for their lives. Silence went by minutes. No one dared making a sound.

“I’m sorry.” Were the first words that pierced the silence that surrounded them. Luke sat right up and looked at Y/N who was now looking at them with the most heavenly eyes Luke had ever seen. Their eyes were out of this world, it was as if planets and novas were encased in them. But what ruined it was the gloss. Not because of the glossiness of their eyes, but the cause of it. Y/N had been crying. And it was Luke’s fault.

“Why are you apologizing, Ease? It’s not your fault. It’s mine. I embarrassed you. I promised that I wouldn’t tell anyone about it. And now here you are, crying. I also promised I wouldn’t make you cry either.” He sighed before putting his forehead on their shoulder, closing his eyes. It was another minute before Y/N spoke again.

“It’s stupid, Luke. It was petty. And I made it a big deal by leaving. I shouldn’t have embarrassed you in front of the campers. I fucked up. I’m sorry.”

The pair looked at each other in lopsided smiles. “We’re both a mess, huh?” He looked at them again with the biggest and doofiest smile he could muster. Then, giggles. Giggling and laughter roared in the air as the two non-verbally apologized to each other. Hugs and jokes were shared that day in front of the bonfire. You couldn’t burn that scene whenever you tried. It was one of the best days the two ever had.

Emphasis on had. Luke thought. Now, he lays there, contemplating the bridge he’d burn from the one good thing in his life. What Luke couldn’t forget the most were their eyes, filled with hate and malice towards him. Seeing them like that felt like the entire world, his entire world, fall apart. And then they left them there standing, forced to pick up the millions of pieces he himself destroyed.

He knew he loved them; he really did. He could lie under oath and people would know he’s being disingenuous. He’d known for a while about what he felt for them. The way he looks at them from a distance as they laugh with their cabin-mates, a smile unconsciously creeps into his lips. The way their eyes drag towards them instinctively in the crowd. The way they put him over themselves and how much they accommodate him. Those were some of the things they loved about Y/N. And it took Chris and the entire Hermes cabin just to make him realize just how much of a love-sick puppy he was. Although he knew of his feelings towards them, just like Y/N though, they were both content in being part of their lives. Just like Y/N, He was scared that he might fuck up if they both got together, and he didn’t want to lose them. So, he convinced himself that keeping them in their lives platonically was the only solution they had. They were both idiots. Laughing at that now, Luke couldn’t help but slap himself in the face. You kept them platonically but you still fucked up. Way to go, Castellan.

He was surely convinced he was just okay to keep them in their lives platonically. He didn’t even initially plan anything on Valentine's Day. Just hanging out with them and doing nothing was okay for Luke. But as Valentine’s Day crept around the corner, Luke couldn’t help but think of holding their hand that day as fireworks sprayed in the sky, red and white lights dancing and looking down at them. He couldn’t help but dream of holding them in their arms, kissing them on the temple, smiling down at them as they both looked at each other in adoration. He knew he had to make a move, as both were as stubborn as mules. Y/N had always been the one to initiate everything. From hanging out to just lollygagging around camp. Y/N has always been there for him. It was always Y/N. Y/N. Y/N. He swears he could make their name a chant, just to immortalize this being he could’ve sworn was given to him by the Gods themselves. What did he do to deserve such an angel? He doesn’t know. He realized that for once in his life, He wanted to initiate something first. Not Y/N. Him.

He felt his heart ripping out of his chest, and at that instant, he knew he had to do something. At first, he couldn’t find Aphrodite kids who he was close enough to ask for advice since they were all busy with the Feast. But the Gods smiled down upon him that day, in the form of Louise Clifford-Jacobs. Luke wasted no hesitation asking Louise about what to do on Valentines, the perfect spot in Camp Half-Blood, the perfect food to serve, everything. He was so focused on planning he didn’t realize Y/N was next to him, the last person he hoped to hear him ask an Aphrodite girl about his plans for them. Looking at Y/N and their smile, Luke felt his heart beat in his chest. His ears turned red as the love of their life smiled upon them, like sun rays that greeted you in the morning. Y/N had wanted to ask him a question, and although he wanted to entertain it, he still had to plan their date. Luke knew he hadn’t had much time but he didn’t wanna make them leave. Sacrifices were needed to be taken, and Luke had asked them to leave. The smile that left Y/N’s face broke his heart, but he had to do something so that his plan wasn’t blown.

Luke watched as Y/N left and felt a pang, it was as if someone had shot them directly into his chest. Looking at Louise, they instinctively knew they had to make the date as special as ever.

But all the planning. All gone to waste because Luke had failed to focus on the one good thing he had. He was so intent on making the perfect date he forgot who it was for. And now Luke was just there staring into the abyss of the bunk bed, dejected that not only he lost his best friend, his grand plan was useless now. Maybe he could give the plan to Percy? He wasn’t sure anymore.

A knock on the door interrupted his brooding, and he sat up to see the last person he expected to see today. Clarisse La Rue, in all her Ares fashion, walked inside and sat next to Luke. She intently looked at Luke, anger pulsing through her veins. Luke gulps in response.

“I wanna punch you so bad, Castellan.” She started. “So, so bad. You don’t know how much you fucked up.” He flinched. He knew how hard Ares kids’ punches are, but Clarisse’s was deadlier. You could’ve hit him with a stone and it would hurt way less. She continues. “But I won’t.” Luke sat up, confused. If she wasn’t there to hurt him then what? Luke couldn’t wrap around the scenario happening right now.

“Clarisse, if you’re looking for Capture the Flag alliances, go look for someone else. I’m not in the mood to think of strategies nor care for any bartering you're gonna do.” Luke bluntly stated as he plopped his head on his pillow, covering his eyes with his arm. He hears the girl sigh. “As much as I would really like to make an alliance with you, I’m here for Y/N”

This caught the boy’s attention as he sat up again. He stares at Clarisse before she starts to speak. “Look, I’m probably the last person you’d expect to play cupid but goddamn you both are annoying as fuck. I’ll cut to the chase, Castellan. My best friend is fucking in love with you, they just couldn’t admit it because they’ve made their thick skull think they didn’t have a chance with you. It has gotten worse ever since you started your little game of ignoring them. Now, I know you like them too, the way you look at them makes me wanna vomit but whatever. And I know you didn't mean to ignore them. This is all just a big misunderstanding and Idiot 1 and 2 do nothing but brood and sigh all day. I for one think it's annoying as hell.” Clarisse sighs, reclining on the railings of Luke’s bunk. " The point is, I’m not gonna sit around and see them cry over some idiot. Now, get your sad, pathetic ass out of bed and tell me your plan so I can help.”

Luke and Clarisse indeed formed an unlikely alliance. Although not in Capture The Flag, it was for Y/N so it was the next best thing. Luke’s plan was simple: it was a simple dinner date at the camp’s gazebo, with the gazebo facing the lake. Luke used his abilities as a Hermes kid to smuggle in Y/N and his' favorite food. Clarisse, who had connections with Aphrodite kids through her other best friend Silena, had asked them to help Luke with his case. They didn’t hesitate, seeing that love and courtship was their forte. Louise and Silena lead the operation, Luke owing them big time for this. In all of the planning and decorating, Luke had gotten antsy. And Silena was getting rather annoyed. Using her charm speak, she had managed to calm Luke’s nerves. Sighs of relief echoed as Luke decided to sit as far away as the Aphrodite kids and let them do their jobs without looking like a strict supervisor.

Silena and Clarisse had known for a long time just how much the Hermes boy yearned for Y/N. In fact, the pair were taking bets on who would confess first, with Silena betting that Y/N would meanwhile Clarisse was betting on Luke. In the meantime, it seems like none of them were winning. And they wouldn’t like that now, would they? That’s why they agreed to help him. Though it was the second reason, the real reason why was sweeter, but they would rather be caught dead than admit that.

Whilst Silena and Clarisse helped prepare, they couldn’t help but look back at Luke. His leg wobbled up and down and he kept wringing his hands. Sweat was rolling down his head as his eyes shifted, while silent murmurs left his mouth. In the many years these two have known Luke, they have never seen him like this. He was the epitome of confidence, both in the eyes of his siblings and everyone in the camp. He was ever so self-assured with both his abilities in sword fighting and his abilities as Head Counselor. Yet here he was, a blubbering mess. It was definitely out of character for him. The two kept snickering every time they looked back at him, and they looked back at each other, rolling their eyes. This was definitely blackmailing material for the future.

That night on Valentines Day, the feast had commenced in celebration of the Goddess of Love. With everyone in the dinner pavilion, Chiron had shared their usual pleasantries, and just like clockwork, finally asked everyone to commence the celebration. Everyone was dressed in their best clothes and eating well tonight, courtesy of the Aphrodite cabin, kids who knew they helped in preparations can finally eat up and pat themselves on the back for a job well done. Couples from different cabins were allowed to eat next to each other, as their single siblings watched in horror and disgust. Burning of offerings had also commenced tenfold, with everyone thanking the Goddess of Love for a very successful day. As the celebration goes on, Y/N sat next to their siblings, half of them sitting with their loved ones, while the rest talk amongst themselves. They sat in the middle, aimlessly picking and playing with their food.

A cough took them out of their state. Clarisse, who was wearing her best red dress, and Silena who absolutely looked stunning in their off-shoulder dress stood next to each other, looking at them. Y/N in turn looked up at them, eyes filled with gloom. “Don’t tell me you’re gonna be like that the entire night, Y/N”.

“And what if I was?” They barked in retaliation. They were in no mood to bicker with the daughter of Ares. They weren’t also in a mood to celebrate this supposed-to-be happy occasion. Why would they? They just lost their best friend and the person they have been yearning for in just a week.

“Well, that’s no good now, is it?” both snicker at each other. They sigh before standing up, back hunched and their arms on the table. “Look, I’m really not in the mood to entertain pranks nor play with matchmakers, no offense Silena” she smiled and nodded back to them.

“Well good news. This is no prank. Silena and I decided that since you’re alone this Valentine’s you could come join us on a little singles bonding.” Y/N raised their eyebrow in suspicion. They had a hunch that whenever these two were together and involved, it wasn’t gonna be pretty. These two, besides them and Clarisse, are partners in crime. And when there’s trouble in the air, Clarisse and Silena are the main culprits.

Y/N sighed however. Despite not being in the mood, they had no plans whatsoever. They were, however, in an entertaining mood. There was nothing to lose. So, they humor them, albeit begrudgingly. They rolled their eyes and looked back at them. “Fine. What do you want me to do?”

The girls smile and jump in excitement. Seeing this commotion, they knew something was up. These two were planning something, and Y/N was mentally cursing themselves for agreeing. There was fire in Clarisse’s eyes, and in the many years they’ve known her, they knew exactly what this look was: Determination. A determined Clarisse was dangerous, that they knew. They would stop at nothing to get things done, regardless if it'd kill her or not. An over exaggeration on Y/N’s part but you get the point. But curiosity was a killer. And well, satisfaction will bring them back.

Silena dragged Y/N away from their table, no one paying mind to them leaving, while Clarisse pushed them forward. They walked and walked until they ended up in the Aphrodite cabin, desolate with no one but themselves. They dragged them to the cabin’s vanity table that was lined with different hair items and products, from hair gel to combs. Aphrodite kids were stacked, and Y/N anxiety never faltered.

“What the hell are you two gonna do to me?” they asked, voice laced with fear. Clarisse’s usual cackle filled the cabin, alongside the sound of a turned-on hair dryer. “Oh c’mon, Y/N liven up. It’s Mom’s Day. I’m giving you a makeover, of course. Courtesy of the entire Aphrodite cabin.” Y/N looked at themselves in the mirror and realized they look utterly horrid. Their hair stuck out in every direction; their eyes red from the constant crying. Eyebags evident from the lack of sleep. Silena was right, They thought. They did look like a mess.

“Think of it as self-care, Y/N. As the Head Councilor of the Aphrodite cabin, we are humbly your fairy godmothers for the evening. I’m gonna make sure you look perfect and stunning. Now. Face the mirror.”

Silena was right. Y/N did look perfect right now. They looked the best they’ve ever been ever since they entered camp, hell, even before they were homeless. One word can describe them right now and it was this: Ethereal. They looked like you could put them in Olympus and no one would be any wiser, no, scratch that, they looked more than just a God. They looked like a celestial being. Silena and Clarisse couldn’t help but gawk at their joint masterpiece and Y/N looked at themselves in the mirror, basking in their appearance.

Y/N couldn’t help it as a tear rolled down their cheek, which Silena tsked before wiping it off. “Someone who looks celestial tonight has no right to cry. Look at you!” Both Clarisse and Silena were now beside them, and they gawked once more at them. Their confidence skyrocketed ten-fold, and by God they didn’t think they were even capable of looking like so. They looked at both Clarisse and Silena, nodding at them, eyes closed, feeling ever so grateful for their job tonight. But they knew the night wasn’t over, and without hesitation, Clarisse took their hand and led them out the cabin.

It was a short walk and before they knew it, they reached the lit gazebo. Y/N’s eyes sparkled as they stared in awe at the decorations that littered it, fairy lights in little jars, red and white clothes draped at the roof of the gazebo. Food was on the rose petal decorated table, with a beautiful table setting with handkerchiefs folded into swans. But that wasn’t the only thing that was in there. A curly haired boy sat on one of the tables, dressed in a suit, looking down and twiddling with their thumbs. Luke. They thought.

All the happiness they felt have now dissipated, and fury once again taken hold of them. “What the hell is this?” They spat venom, and the pair couldn’t help but flinch in retaliation. Looking up, Luke saw Y/N, and he couldn’t help but gawk at them. Luke had always known Y/N was ethereal, but with Silena and Clarisse’s help, they were all of a sudden out of this world. It was as if Y/N embodied Aphrodite, you can even say moreso, however you wouldn’t catch Luke saying that aloud. All the gawking Luke did however, was ruined when they saw their face. They were infuriated. Angry that they were tricked by Silena and Clarisse. Angry at him.

Luke wasted no time and made a beeline towards Y/N. "What is he doing here?” Y/N asks Silena and Clarisse, and the duo stayed quiet, looking at Luke for help. Luke sighs, putting both his hands up near his chest, a sign that he wasn’t there to put up a fight. “Don’t get mad at them, Ease. They helped me. I asked them to trick you. I’m sorry.”

“I told you that I didn’t wanna see you anymore, Luke.” “I know that but please hear me out.” Without saying a word, Y/N began to turn around and walk away. Who wouldn’t be pissed? The last person they wanted to see right now was standing there, whilst they recruited their other friends to basically trick them into seeing him. To say they were pissed was an understatement.

Not wanting for Y/N to leave before he explained himself, he grabs their arm. The touch felt electric to Y/N as they spun around as Luke held them. And for the first time in a while, Y/N’s expression softened. It had been days since the two had hung out, let alone seen each other. The fight had made them more distant than before, and Y/N couldn’t help but yearn for Luke’s touch. As skin contacts skin, his touch made them putty, and all the anger they’ve kept just seemingly dissipated, and there was nothing left but yearning. Painful, painful yearning.

“Please, Y/N hear me out. I promise I’ll make it worthwhile.” Y/N closed their eyes, sighing. Y/N knew Luke was their weakness, it had always been. And as he stood there holding them, all thoughts were officially lost. They nodded, and Luke for the first time in a while had his signature smile plastered on their face.

Luke looks at Y/N’s eyes, enamored as the lights from the gazebo danced in it. The more he stared at their eyes, they felt like a moth drawn to the flame. He could stare at it forever, like how Narcissus looked at his reflection in the water, but Luke had to snap out of it, and finish the hell that he had started.

“Listen, Ease. In the years I’ve lived on this Earth, I’ve recognized just how much I’ve fucked up. I was very much aware of how much I’ve done so. With Hal, with…Thalia.” Luke looked at the ground, tears began welling in his eyes. Y/N, who looked at him with adoration, wasted no time putting their hand on his cheek, guiding his eyes back to them. Luke looks at Y/N, before laughing, tears betraying him as they rush down like a waterfall. Y/N’s expressions softened even more, as they used their thumb to swipe any more tears that dared leave Luke’s eyes. A nod left Y/N, encouraging Luke to continue. The gesture made Luke a little more courageous, as he swallowed, before continuing. “With dad’s quest. I knew how much of a fuckup I was. I was always aware, and for some odd reason, when the consequences of these fuck-ups arise, I just ignore them. Not the healthiest option I know but I just stopped giving a fuck, you know? It is what it is mentality.” As he looked at Y/N, he took their hands into his, and suddenly yet all at once, it felt exhilarating. Their hand in his felt bright and warm, a feeling both of them never felt before. In that moment, they both seemed to forget all the troubles, trials and tribulations they’ve experienced, and what matters right now were just the two of them, in that moment, a scene like in a movie.

“But seeing you walk away like that with the angriest and furious eyes with tears cascading down your face, I realized something.” He breathes out as his grip on their hands tighten, it was as if at any minute, Luke would lose them, like they would drift away from them, never to be seen again. “I realized that out of all the fuck ups I did, hurting you was the worst one I’ve ever done. In that moment, I realized that making you feel alone and small was the biggest fuck-up I have ever done. For the first time, It felt as if some part of me died that day. Out of all the mistakes I've done in my life, you were the only one I was willing to fix."

Luke adoringly stepped forward more, and the space between them left as if it never existed. Luke moved his hands to their forearm, and in turn they put their hand on his chest. “You, Ease, made me realize that out of everything in my life, you’ve become the only thing I got right. I could forget everything, and you’d still be the only constant I’m thankful the Gods had given me. You're the only one who has seen the reds and the blues of my life and despite everything, you just burned them all up. And you, with all your love for an idiot like me, kissed them goodbye.”

“I’m here to fix things between us, Ease. Let it be known that I’m not willing to give you away that easily. Not in this lifetime. Not in the next. So please, I hope you forgive me.”

Y/N, upon hearing Luke’s words, couldn’t help but allow the tears to fall from their eyes. Overwhelmed with emotions, they wasted no time putting their arms around him, sobbing as they cling on to him, scared that they might fall away from them. It took Luke a minute before wrapping their arms around them as well, swinging them back and forth as the pair laughed and giggled in each other’s presence. Tears and smiles were shared amongst the pair, and Luke, smitten in love, broke the contact first, his hands on Y/N’s waist. The pair basked at each other’s presence with adoration, as they stood there, foreheads touching. Y/N’s hands crept once again to Luke’s face and in that moment, as they looked at each other, time stood still, silence washed over them. “Ease, I promise you, you won’t regret it.” He giddily smiles at them, and they chuckle.

“I know I won’t.” Y/N replies. Luke leans in, and in sync, their lips move against each other. The pair melted in each other as Y/N placed their hands on their neck. Y/N’s lips were soft. Luke thought. And a smile crept into his lips as his dreams of what their lips felt like on his was now in fruition. Electricity filled the air as the two savored each other, apologies and I love yous passed back and forth with each kiss. It was invigorating, the pair thought. He parts his lips for them, allowing each other to explore and satiate the hunger they had for each other. Their hands slipped into his curly hair and in turn, Luke pulled them towards his body more.

They broke apart after a few minutes, the two catching their breath. As they looked at each other, a sudden boom made their heads snap towards the sky. Red and white lights danced in the sky, covering the entire valley with the Love Goddess’ colors. The two looked up at the sky in adoration as they held onto each other, Luke’s head on their shoulder as they laid their head on his, with Luke’s arms around their waist and their hands resting on top of his.

Silena and Clarisse watch on as their friends bask in each other’s presence, and in turn they look at each other. Clarisse held out a hand, and Silena couldn’t help but groan as they fished in their pockets, placing a few drachmas on the God of War’s child's palm. Clarisse nodded a thank you to Silena, before both of them left to give the two some deserved privacy.

Never in the million years Luke would think the Gods would give him someone, let alone a person who loved all of him. Y/N, his North Star, his tether, his world. He didn't expect them, out of everyone, to now be in his arms, fully embracing the feeling they had for each other that they were so afraid to admit before. Now, as his name fell from Y/N’s mouth, he smiles as he basked at the moment, silently thanking the Gods for this one. And maybe, just maybe he thinks, he can forget about why he hated the Gods in the first place.

#luke castellan #luke castellan x reader #luke castellan x you #luke castellan pjo #pjo series #pjo tv show #percy jackson and the olympians #luke castellan x gender neutral! reader #charlie bushnell #luke pjo #luke castellan x y/n #luke castellan oneshot #luke castellan fanfiction #valentine's day #best friends to lovers #fluff #angst with a happy ending

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afreakingdork · 4 months ago

Text

Soft Spot - Chapter 2

RotTMNT Donatello x Reader

Here to present this week's chapter art is @garbagemilkshake

Rated: Explicit

Warnings/Tags: Romance, Established Relationship, Married Couple, Married Life, Aged-Up Mutant Ninja Turtles, Villain Donatello (TMNT), Love, POV Second Person, Babies, Pregnancy, AFAB reader, Vaginal Sex, Rough Sex, Penis In Vagina Sex, Creampie, Breeding Kink, Multiple Orgasms, Angst, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Fertility Issues, Pregnant Sex, Pregnancy Kink, Reader-Insert, Cunnilingus, Fellatio, Cum Eating, Turtle Noises (TMNT), I have a Biology Degree and I’m Using it

Synopsis: First comes love. Then comes marriage. Then comes the next step about as smooth as the others arrived. The baby-oriented sequel to Weak Spot.

Hello, I have a quick message that I would like to add to today's chapter. I want to make note of something that happened in the past week. I received an uptick in messages asking about when the next chapter of Soft Spot would come out. While normally I try to make myself as accessible as possible, the way these comments/questions were framed were incredibly disrespectful. I will make my stance as clear as possible.

Do not go on my other works and mention updates of others.

Do not ask me repeatedly when an update will happen.

I strive to post weekly, but when I am bothered, these types of repetitive comments make me not want to indulge. I write at the speed at which I do because I like it, but the fact that that is somehow not good enough or that another of my works is supposedly is lesser to you because of it is a form of disrespect that I will not tolerate. I should not even have to say this because it violates common decency (which is comical considered that's a mention in this chapter). I understand you are excited about this new content, I am as well, but please understand that I am a human being. I will still be open for any and all questions, but do be mindful. Thank you for your understanding.

Also available on Ao3

First 💜

“You must clarify if that was instigation.” Donatello had a death grip on your bare knees.

You weren’t exactly sure when you had lost your pants, but it made sense they were gone. “Donnie.”

He squeezed you tighter.

You covered his hands with yours. “It’s starting to hurt…”

“It is the only thing keeping me sane. Answer.” He didn’t relent.

You dug a nail under one of his digits to alleviate some pressure. “I’m not against having sex again, but I mean it.”

“Truly?”

“Donnie!”

“Y/N!”

“Yes, I mean it! I want to have a kid with you! I’m not hitting up your breeding kink; I’m telling you I’m ready!!!”

He only gaped.

“Do you really not believe me…?”

He made a weary noise and you could feel through your bond that he wasn’t the least bit convinced.

“How many times do I need to say it?”

“More.” He begged.

“Help me clean up.”

He nodded and flew to grab tissues.

“I want to have kids with you.” You told him the moment he returned.

He helped wipe you clean.

“I want to have a kid with you.” You told him the moment you felt dry.

He helped you to your feet and you headed to the restroom.

You went, washed your hands, and cracked the door with the hand towel still in your grip. “Kids, me and you.”

You caught him flapping his hands excitedly as he disappeared around the partition.

“Let’s have kids!” You called out as you walked after and felt painfully aware of how you only had half your outfit on.

He thrust an arm out from behind the wall with your pants and underwear.

You took them and chuckled. “It’s so crazy you’re being shy because you’re going to be seeing quite a bit of me naked when you, you know, knock me up.”

You heard some part of him slam into the wall so hard you thought he might break through.

There wasn’t a crumbling sound so you put your bottoms back on. “Like with a baby.”

You heard his footsteps plod wayward and you finally gave proper chase.

You found him with his fists in the air where he appeared to be thanking your rooftop garden. “Baby.”

He turned in a blush.

“Baby, baby!” You ran at him.

He fled around the couch.

“Donatello!! My sweet and darling husband and mate…?” You sang for him.

He was nearing the dividing line between rooms and peaked at you between the fingers covering his face.

“Would you like to have a child with me?”

He nodded once.

“You sure?”

He nodded again.

“Sure, you’re sure?!”

“Yes!!!” He launched himself over the back of the couch and pulled you down with him into the cushions to snuggle.

“There you go, believe me now?” You teased as you wriggled to get comfortable.

“Ah!” He popped a waiting sound.

You stilled and looked up at him. “You don’t-?”

“Not that!” He scolded and righted you. “My preparations!”

“Donnie…?” You let him sit you on a cushion.

“You’re not staying there either.” He was up and moving towards his computer.

“Donatello, I need you to say you believe me.”

“It will come with a demonstration.” He said and tapped a screen to wake the system.

You listened to him tap in a flurry and got up to follow.

A dozen or so screens appeared and when you tried to look them over, he blocked you with his body.

You crossed your arms.

He grinned and then pulled his office chair out for you.

“Is this where I’m allowed to sit?”

“Yes. This is your preferred seat.”

You took it and he immediately spun you around so you could watch both him and the monitors. He then stepped back, appraised your distance and began to adjust. It came with about a dozen tiny tweaks to the chair’s position that were barely perceptible to you, but he eventually appeared with a self satisfied nod. “Comfortable?”

“Yes.” You shifted bored, but ready in the chair.

He took a step back, checked the monitors about as much as he had your seat before he flicked forward.

Screens projected off their spots and curled around him for a globe of information.

“My dearest. My heart. My love. My partner in this life and any others.”

You waited with a hopeless smile.

“I would love to have a child with you.”

You twitched wanting to meet him again.

He watched you with a similar gambit, but shook himself to stay in place. “What you see here is all my research associated with our childbearing.”

You tabled your excitement as best as you could and looked over the data.

He blinked and it began to scroll to show that it was even more than what was being displayed.

Your lips rounded in surprise.

“Years worth of calculations, studies, notes, and any other information necessary for our push to have progeny.”

You flicked your eyes over the screens one last time before you settled squarely on him. “How long?”

He quirked a brow.

“Have you been building this?”

“From the moment our intent at sexual relations arose.”

“Donnie! What?!”

“It starts with birth control!” He rebuffed your irritation. “To not have children means I needed a basic understanding of how we might in order to negate the possibility!”

You straightened a little as that was sound enough logic.

“I… didn’t examine otherwise until we expressed the possibility.” He looked a little embarrassed and moved a screen for the sake of it.

“Then you looked into how we could?”

“You expressed concerns that we might not be able to conceive. A reasonable worry. We also mentioned adoption.”

You nodded.

He followed suit and then sat back to look at his many years of computations.

“I’ve-”

He outright startled at the sound of your voice.

“Come here, the chair placement doesn’t have to be perfect.”

“It does!” He dragged out his whine but collapsed onto his knees in front of you regardless.

You pulled his head into your chest and cradled him.

The chair’s wheels slid, but Donnie held you in place.

“I love you.” You told him.

“I love you.” He replied.

You urged him to look at you before you carefully lifted his mask to place a kiss to his bare forehead.

He churred as you then put the fabric back in place.

“We don’t have to hurry. Presentation or not, let’s go through this however we want. Sound good?”

“Yes… No rush…” He spoke the words as if to convince himself.

You kissed his clothed head this time.

He churred louder and moved up to catch your lips once before wondering, “What were you about to say? Before.”

“I’ve…” You gave a little struggle. “It’s a little embarrassing, but I’ve never asked you how the birth control works...”

He lit up with excitement.

“Will you tell me?” You nurtured the prospect.

“I love you!” He yelled before flying to his feet. “My birth control!”

You watched as he sent some screens away and brought more forward.

“When I set out I was limited…” He addressed a specific hologram. “This one of my own volition, mind you.”

You tilted your head.

“I swore not to track you and while I didn’t swear to your secondary statement, you mentioned you did not want to hold my hand through the relationship. While the latter was difficult for both of us, I found duty in the first and saw to it not to manipulate that holding.”

Your brow came down to enhance the question on your face.

“I personally vowed to respect your privacy then, as an extension. In that moment.” He told you earnestly.

You hadn’t known that and your face warmed a bit.

He took you in with tenderness. “A choice made rash, but thankfully one that ended up falling in line with the accursed common decency.”

You bobbed your head in both agreement and for him to carry on.

You could hear his churr from where you were. “As such I was not aware of your body’s make-up, meaning I did not gather samples of your DNA or the like. After our first kiss, it felt as though a dam was broken and I got to necessary work. By our first date… It didn’t seem far-fetched to believe we might also partake in relations. I thought myself over-prepared until we saw one another.”

You remembered that night fondly.

“But that is moving too far forward. Planning began after our first kiss as a precaution. I tested local and Hidden City condom brands. I also dabbled in making my own until I found a suitable one for my member if that was what you so chose… We were meant to discuss such an option…”

“But you had already put yourself on the birth control.”

“Yes… I hoped your proclivities aligned with mine…”

“Breeding kink.”

He shot you a heated look. “I converted you.”

“I never said you didn’t.” You responded the same.

He chirped as an outlet and blew out necessary air. “Ahem. Again, I had no bodily data on you and I needed to prevent my sperm from fertilizing your eggs if they were to be introduced. Birth control typically functions the same amongst all forms: stop fertilization. This can be done in a number of ways from negating ovulation, release of an egg, to making the ureteral environment one not suitable to support pregnancy.”

You nodded.

“Altering your make-up was out of the question as it tampered with bodily will-”

“You wouldn’t slip me something without my knowledge.” You remembered.

He nodded appreciatively. “That meant I needed to stop my own gamete. How to stop a sperm and a mutant one at that?"

You nodded.

“It proved… difficult. As you surmised, I was additionally designed to breed. Be it leftover DNA structures or the fool Draxum’s concoction, species hinge on viable offspring and my fabrication made it especially so.”

“Obviously your sperm are mutated because you are, but what? They get their own superpower…?” You chuckled.

He didn’t not share the comedy. “Yes, actually.”

“Oh…”

“Yeah…” He sighed. “When tested they were especially resilient. Commercial and yokai brand spermicides were inefficient. The condom kept them contained, but they were tenacious. A typical condom, we’ll consider both human and non in this case, is 98% effective when used correctly… In my case that number bobbed around 83% because even a single one of my sperm, given the necessary liquidity and need I remind you most condoms are lubed, had the strength to search true for its host.”

You gave a frown.

He nodded with large eyes. “I looked into mystic concoctions then. So many side effects, so many impurities, none made even close to a facsimile of my unique chemistry!”

“So you made one.”

“I made one.” He agreed. “I dug into male contraceptive research and found one that disabled sperm. As that was my exact intention, I chose that particular medication and ran with it. There were hormonal and non-hormonal methods, but I needed complete assurance that my sperm would not inseminate you under any circumstances. That led me to my current concoction, the one I am still on, a shot that inhibits tail maturation in sperm.”

You blinked once. “Your sperm…”

“When examined under a microscope, have tails that do not provide motility.”

“So you’re not shooting blanks, you’re shooting… sperm that can’t move.”

“Exactly. If you’ve seen films regarding fertilization, you will note that it takes quite a bit of mobile effort for a sperm to breach an egg. With the necessary mobility, they sit useless until they perish.”

“Wow…”

“Yes, I had to hyper-escalate study and production to ensure it was viable in time for our meeting.”

“We barely set a few weeks for our date.”

“A dangerous prospect, but I had checked that morning before and found a sample was completely immobile and thus felt assured we would not have issue.”

“Donnie…”

“While I would still prefer that I never injured you during our first meeting, I must admit your recovery was advantageous as it gave me time to further refine the product for its necessary long term use.”

You nodded.

“While my personal study was rushed, the medication was undergoing the usual technical trials at my lab. We found it reversible given time as it will evacuate the system. It works by suppressing the necessary enzyme production. For the typical specimen, it took longer to go into effect and there was a lengthy duration for its dissipation, but again, completely safe and repeatable. For my dosage, I take a monthly shot that covers my needs…. Our needs.”

You smiled at him.

“Which… unfortunately leads me to my heat…” He grimaced.

You made a nervous noise and vaguely remembered something from a certain video.

“We had no idea what was going on. I had only summations. Barely a hypothesis. It was a scientific nightmare scenario.”

“You overdosed…”

He blinked wide at you.

“S.H.E.L.L.D.O.N. showed me some security footage that first time. I didn’t know what to make of it, but I remember him being worried about side effects from some shot.”

Donnie looked at you with a sort of hopeless affection. “You are a delight.”

You rolled your eyes at him.

“As much as it pained me, I had to go off conjecture which was that my sperm production would be increased. If that were the case, it reasoned that my body ramp up enzyme production. In studying mammalian heats, in which I have mammal DNA along with reptile, there was an exhausting list of side effects that could tamper with the medication: heat, hormones, and more. I had to cover them all while not being lucid, which I wasn’t, and therefore I created a hyper concentrated dosage of the birth control which had the threat of untested side effects…”

He stopped completely.

You watched your mate hang in the air.

“Donnie…” You whispered.

“There was… a chance that my enzyme production may not stabilize if I were to ever stop the medication.”

You straightened. “That…”

“Is not something I have been able to test as I continue to take the medication. There is a chance my sperm motility might not recover.”

You tented your hands over your mouth.

“A necessary risk. Your safety superseded all else. At the time of my first heat we had never yet discussed children. I wasn’t going to let an accident like that fall upon you due to my inane biology.”

You nodded, feeling a little weepy.

He broke from his presentation and came to you.

You hugged him as soon as you were able.

“I’m sorry.”

You shook your head.

“I am. It was not something you had a say in.”

“None of it was. We didn’t know what was happening.” You squeezed him. “You made the best decision you could at the time.”

He gave one nod before he buried into you.

It bothered him more than he admitted.

How long had he been struggling with that knowledge?

It must have been a hanging bitterness against his dream.

He’d endured it all alone.

“I should have asked sooner.” You told him. “About the birth control and all this.”

“You trusted me. I meant to earn that. Plus, it is not known for sure.”

“But you worried.” You pulled back to see his watery eyes which he tried to hide. “You’ve been worried about it all this time.”

He gave the barest nod.

“You could have talked to me…”

He wilted against you. “I prepared the presentation. It seemed a waste to bring up any sooner. Unnecessary discomfort that would have taken us several months to test. Between that and time to re-establish my medication, I would prefer to spend it making love to you and not concern myself with some unknowns.”

You kissed his temple. “There’s a lot to plan and see. We had a feeling this wasn’t going to be so easy. We’re… you’re still… okay with adoption… if we need to?”

“Of course!” He spoke without hesitation. “It is the same in my mind. No less.”

You nodded and tapped the tip of your nose to his beak.

He gave a cutesy mating call for it.

You trilled one back.

“Let’s see…” He stayed close and looked back at his screens. “Where does that take us…? It will take approximately two months for the birth control to evacuate my system. We will know around then. It’s not exact. Then there’s your ovulation schedule if we were to try to conceive. What are your thoughts on giving birth?”

“That’s…” Your gaze shot away. “W-wasn’t this about your notes…?”

He didn’t pressure you in the slightest. “I’ve explored many possibilities. What I discuss next depends on what we’re considering…”

You snuck a glance at him.

He pet your leg in a soothing way.

You let him stroke the limb until you built up a bit of courage. “It’s… scary… In general and… and I don’t mean this is a bad way… but with a mutant… partner…”

Donnie nodded and dipped down to gently rest his chin against your leg.

You ran your hand over his head and whispered. “Can I pass a spiny carapace…?”

He looked up with a gaze that was both sympathetic and unsure.

“Pregnancy and childbirth… take everything from you. It ravages your body…”

He laid his hand out as a comforting weight.

“I know that’s what you’d prefer, but…”

“I prefer nothing. I prefer you.”

It was the perfect moment to interject.

“It’s a fear as old as time itself. It has gotten safer, but the dangers are still incalculable.”

You nodded.

“I only ask for the sake of direction. You do not need to decide now. I will not pressure you as there is no provocation.”

You thumbed over his cheek.

“Raising a child is no different than creating one in my mind. Whatever instinctual itch will be scratched.”

“You’re lying…” You whispered. “I know what you thought about a sonogram...”

He was similarly as caught as you had been and looked away.

“I don’t want to let you down.”

“You won’t.” He snapped back to attention. “Your concerns are founded. I am the concern. My mutant status…”

He made a little move and you released him.

He stood and summoned more screens.

He pointed to one in particular that had a set of chromosomes on it.

“The truth is… and this labeling is the best I have considering, but my DNA is elastic in nature, so to speak. From the many times I have examined myself, the closest labeling I have is that I suffer from a form of aneuploidy.” A few more chromosome maps popped up and had a different number of sets. “They can vary between cells. They have changed both with an increase and decrease throughout my lifetime. It is a wonder I am a stable organism.”

You took to your feet and came closer.

Donnie passed off his medical records.

You looked between them and the dates and saw they ranged throughout his lifetime.

“Even if my sperm do recover, there is a likelihood that we are not compatible. That may come in the form of my inability to fertilize you to an inability of our cells forming a viable fetus.”

You pushed the screens away.

Donnie held a deeply saddened look.

It was yet another thing he’d held onto his whole life.

You hugged him.

He held you.

“I treated my ability to impregnate you as a grave concern, but the reality is I have always tempered my expectations. I never outright believed we were compatible in that way. I never believed it with anyone. I suppose that added to the taboo and enhanced the aforementioned kink. A space in which I can… have such a fantasy.”

You squeezed him as hard as you could.

He rubbed your back. “Mind, I also never expected to have a life partner or… make it this far in existence. My love, it’s alright.”

“But you got those things!” You lifted up and sent him a dewy gaze.

“And I will have more…” He smiled reassurance. “I… will admit… fine, adoption does not satisfy my instinct the same way as the thought of you round with my child…”

He took a little too long in his daydream and your lids fell, unamused, against your heartache.

“It’s not the same, but being at odds with my instinct is no new feature. Logically and emotionally I will be sated and I imagine my hindbrain will eventually make the necessary connections.”

You thumped your head against his plastron.

He swept his hands over you for a while.

You eventually gave in to a slight sway and he rocked with you.

“You need to check my DNA?”

“A blood sample ideally, yes. We could calculate compatibility.”

“Have you never checked with another human?”

“I’ve never run this analysis with anyone.”

You cuddled closer.

“Though… I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention that genetics is a bit of an introductory topic. Meant non-demeaning as I am aware of the US educational system, but it is… as one might say, child’s play.”

“Bad pun.” You told his scutes.

He chuckled. “I don’t need to take your DNA to know our chances will be low. I would only need your genetic material to know exactly how low, but even that has a level of chance. Do you know of mules?”

“Donkeys?” You looked up at him.

He stared down a warm gaze. “Mules are a cross between horses and donkeys actually. The parent pair have differing chromosomes, but can produce offspring… only such creations are usually infertile.”

Your gaze widened with concerns.

If you had a kid with Donnie would they be sterile?

You knew this choice wasn’t going to be an easy one, but the amount of things to consider only seemed to grow.

“Usually. Not always. It can occur. Mitosis and meiosis. I can already tell you our chromosome numbers differ. Meiosis spits up our homologous chromosome pairs to create sperm and eggs which would meet for reproduction. They seek to match back up with their compliments, but ours leaves gaps which increases room for error. In mules, the lacking chromosomes from the donkey mean that all male mules are sterile, without question, but females can occasionally be fruitful due to the repeating chromosome formations.”

Your head spun a little.

“Without practice it’s hard to say. Those are separate species and they can produce offspring, but the next generation can’t. Lions and tigers are the same species, but also often create infertile offspring. I am part human and novel… We can go off what is known, but there will always be an element of unknown as a pairing such as ours has never occurred.”

“You mentioned mitosis…?”

“The process from fertilization on that creates a baby. The errors I mentioned would show up here in whether the pregnancy was viable.”

You made a little noise of vague understanding. “What about test tubes or clones…? It’s hard to believe yokai haven’t figured out some mystic cheat code too… You told me about womb tattoos.”

He almost sweat with guilt. “I may have indulged in a bit too much hyperbole…”

You hummed dry interest and waited.

“Yes, womb tattoos have served to aid in fertility issues, but yokai constitute something that supersedes human rules of species. You have creatures who can naturally shift their form. If they chose to have offspring, which some do not, long life and all, little drive to reproduce, they have what I’ve been referring to as that elastic genetic material. It can match form to create those homologous pairs intrinsically. If the creatures are too different though, even mysticism has not superseded that. They’ll use surrogates if need be.”

You watched on.

“Clones and test tubes…” Donnie sighed and seemed obvious about trying to make the subject matter palatable. “I would still need other genetic material, I could not solely clone you or me. I could stimulate or even fertilize your eggs myself in a lab setting, but they would need to be gestated in a host. Artificial wombs are not something I can imagine we will crack in this lifetime. There is still too much we do not know. All that simulates the necessary environment in which a new organism can be created… The longest trials of gestation in an artificial setting have been about six weeks… or something similar? I theoretically could take that a few weeks further, but that would be asking me to break through an estimated hundred years or so of science on top of mixing our DNA? I… I fathom many unknowns. I’ve broken countless barriers, but that would be… our child! I would be the one directly responsible, using my own two hands, to make the fertilized cells. All that would go into their existence would lie on me! The mental toll of failure in that regard…!!” His closing throat cut him off.

You released his middle so you could tug down his neck in a tighter hug.

He dropped to his knees to give it. “Trial and error is a stage of science I usually relish in, but asking that while using our components…!”

“You don’t have to say it. I understand. I’m sorry. I didn’t know. I didn’t know…”

“You couldn’t have…” He rooted into you and you felt him let loose a few tears.

You kissed his head over and over.

He slowly, but surely pulled himself back from the possibility.

“Not that. Never that.”

You felt his apology through his ring and cut him off.

“No, Donnie.”

He begrudgingly relented.

You moved to scratch his shell, but his battle shell was in the way.

It nearly immediately withdrew from the spot and you dipped down his collar to grab the dormant plate.

Donnie opened up his posture enough for you to pull it out of his shirt, then you returned your nails above the fabric and scratched in the way he liked.

He slowly melted into you.

“We are not doing artificial gestation. Not at all. Where.. did that leave cloning?”

“It is a similar impossibility to clone me. My unstable DNA. Finding a genetic match to mix with. Finding a host.”

“You would only be able to clone me…”

He squeezed you. “A child that is wholly not ours is one thing. I…”

You felt anger bubble up in your ring.

“The thought of another’s genetic material… applied in vitro… to yours…” He seethed. “I can’t stand it. I apologize. I refuse. The same with donor sperm. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

“No… It’s okay… I wasn’t really interested in pregnancy already… I don’t care about it being me… I wanted… If anything I wanted it to be you.”

He couldn’t muster a churr, but a faint loving squeak emerged from him.

You breathed in the air. “There’s… so much… Is trying to have a baby… even worth it?”

Donnie was quiet.

“We should make adoption our go to, shouldn’t we?”

He gave a bare nod.

You leaned your head against his.

He sat still for a long time.

Your thoughts morphed. You thought about what you’d imagined in the park earlier today. Your mind’s eye saw Donnie and his little green duplicate. From the way your husband talked, there would be no way to even know if the child would be his color. There seemed to be thousands if not millions of possibilities and the outcomes recombination was even more with his mutant status.

You closed off the line of thinking and thought about adoption. There was the state paperwork to complete. There were thousands of children up for adoption across the country at any moment. They needed families and parents who would love them. You could easily see yourself providing that. You saw everything from troubled infants to even teens who you could care for.

That was only considering the human side of things.

Though Donnie had talked down about the yokai birth rate, there still had to be young ones who needed help. Their ages were further skewed and you wondered how you could provide with a human lifespan. You supposed that would help Donnie as he was going to outlive you, but wasn’t that in and of itself a negative way to think of things?

You pulled yourself from the thought only to find a mental image of you plump. You were waddling wide and had to stop for a break in that same park you were in just a few hours ago. You were in discomfort and blew out an exhausted breath. Donnie appeared doting with water and tales of pregnancy books he had read. He had done all the obsessive planning he had for your wedding, but in a new extreme form.

He was going to be an amazing dad.

How selfish were you?

There were children who needed help and you dared to imagine having a child of your own?

You cuddled closer to your mate.

Why would you cling to the scariest possibility?

Not only were you not sure you wanted to go through with it, there was a high likelihood that you couldn’t.

You were incredibly selfish.

An angered part of you also screamed.

You’d given up before starting.

You hadn’t even tried.

Hadn’t the odds always been against you and Donnie?

It was a miracle the two of you dated let alone married.

You were happy on top of that.

You’d endured endless trials.

You had never given up in the face of uncertainty.

All you cared about was being with Donnie.

You’d done that.

You were here.

You were all better for it.

You pulled away from him.

He looked after you and searched your face for whatever it presented.

No one ever called you a saint.

You were just a person.

You pulled your hands from Donnie’s carapace.

He continued to examine you.

Donnie was the same.

Morality was subjective.

Lifetimes were about choice.

You’d chosen Donnie.

You would make more choices.

“I want you to do that blood test.”

His expression opened up to the possibility.

“Let’s try. There’s time. It’ll take some to get the results. It’ll take more for you to get off the birth control. There’s adoption wait times. All of it. We can take each thing as it comes and see what works best for us.”

“You’re… sure?”

“Are you?”

“I’m sure of anything that relates to you.”

You pinched his cheek. “This won’t be just me.”

“Part of you, whether in paperwork or DNA, is still you.”

You soothed the skin you pricked.

He smiled. “I’m sure.”

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