#that was the day where I wasn’t as proud to be a Larrie anymore

[ateriblewriter]

baby duck things

along with a couple of photos i thought went along nicely with the au

- jamie let’s duck paint his nails all sorts of colors, especially bright colors

- trevor gets a tattoo of one of kinsley’s drawings. it was kind of a big picture so he gets it on the side of his abdomen.

- someone on mama duck’s side tried to take kinsley away from jamie. in fact there was a small portion of time that she was taken away, but he did get his daughter back. and he doesn’t take any day with her for granted.

- little duck likes frozen grapes, she calls them ice cream

- jamie tried to keep kinsley secret for as long as he could, only family and close friends knew about her. it was only when trevor accidentally posted a picture of her online that the world found out about her.

- once when she was swimming in a lake someone told her that fish poop in the water. she screamed and threw up in the body of water. so now she will only swim in pools. but she still loves the sand at the beach and constantly asks to go.

- kinsley’s first word was dada. it was most likely just a string of sounds she put together. but jamie was so proud of her.

“da da da” baby duck giggled clapping her pudgy little hands at her father.

“that’s right baby ducky. dada.” jamie smiled with pride picking up his little girl and giving her a little kiss on the cheek. “now can you say it again? dada?”

- her next word was definitely mama and it was aimed towards trevor, much to his chagrin.

“mama!” duck squealed tugging on trevor’s hair

“no no no. can you say trevor? or maybe z? anything but that!” trevor pleaded with the small child.

“z, don’t confuse her. you are now mama.” jamie laughed along.

- duck had a phase where she called trevor idiot after she overhead jamie call him that.

- one time jamie lost kinsley at the park and ran around frantic that he couldn’t find her. he was so close to reporting her missing since it was like 45 mins before he found her.

- there was also a phase where she tended to bite people, mainly trevor. it was mainly done when she got really excited about something. occasionally she would bite someone when they made her mad or when she wanted to get away from someone.

- kinsley has a whole zoo of stuffed animals. they bring her back one after almost every roadie. her favorites include: sheldon the schrimp (from trevor), banana duck, and larry the lobster.

- many tears were shed when trevor left for the summer. duck was so confused why her second favorite person wasn’t there anymore. for a while trevor had to send daily videos. most times they were just him saying hi or they would include the people he was with.

- jamie tried to get her to play hockey, but she preferred to watch versus play. jamie still urged her to find an activity she enjoyed. duck discovered figure skating, she liked the pretty outfits they wore.

Photos:

once again ya’ll are welcome to send in things for this. please do. it’s highly encouraged! or at least let me know if you guys like this stuff. i can never tell.

[beestriker015]

Rika x male s/o headcanons

Everyone who knows Rika and s/o would tell you that they are absolutely made for each other.

S/o’s friendly and outgoing personality pairs really well with his girlfriend’s calm and confident nature.

Rika and s/o got together in their second year at the academy when s/o transferred there after his family moved to Paldea from the Kalos region.

Having been charmed by s/o’s warm and extroverted personality, Rika immediately began subtly flirting with him every chance she got, successfully leaving the handsome young man flustered every time.

Eventually, Rika stops with the flirting and bluntly asks s/o out.

“S/o, I think you’re really awesome and I want to go out with you. What do you say babe, wanna go out on a date with me?”

He accepted, much to Rika’s delight, and the two have been together ever since.

When they both graduated from the academy, s/o smiled ear to ear when his girlfriend was offered a spot as one of Paldea’s Elite 4.

“That’s amazing! I’m so proud of you babe! Though I’m not suprised, I already knew my gal was one of the bestest trainers ever!”

Rika chuckled at her s/o’s praise, while also trying to hide the faint blush on her face.

Now, you would think that being an Elite 4 member, Rika would struggle trying to find time to spend with her s/o due to her busy schedule right?

Nope.

Rika always finds time for her boyfriend, whether it be multiple phone calls all throughout the day, or s/o coming to pay her a visit at work occasionally.

One time, Rika was in the middle of a battle when s/o showed up for a visit and began cheering her on.

“Woo! Go, Rika! You got this babe!”

After the battle, Geeta told s/o he couldn’t come to visit anymore when there is a challenger, though that isn’t to say she wasn’t mildly amused by his antics.

Being Rika’s boyfriend means that s/o is well acquainted with the other Elite 4 members.

Poppy loves s/o and views him as her big brother, much like how she has a little sister/big sister relationship with Rika.

Hassel is easily the biggest proponent of s/o and Rika’s relationship, always going on and on about how great they are together.

“You two’s love for one another is stronger than a Draco Meteor from even the mightiest dragon!”

He exclaims before bursting into happy tears as Rika and s/o deadpan at the sight.

Despite Larry’s brooding and tired nature, no one has ever seen him smile as much as he does when s/o is around.

Seriously, s/o has such an infectious personality that even the most stone-hearted person can’t help but lighten up when he’s near them.

As for Geeta, she gets along fairly well with s/o.

While she does scold him occasionally for his antics when he visits, Geeta does generally like s/o and has a small smile on her face whenever he comes to the Pokémon League to visit Rika.

Jealousy is pretty much nonexistent between Rika and s/o, as she is too secure and confident to believe that s/o would ever leave her for someone else, and s/o is too positive minded to have any jealous thoughts.

If s/o would ever be hit on by someone else, Rika would take it in stride.

She understands very well that s/o is an incredibly hot guy that a lot of people would want to be with, but would smirk pridefully to herself fully knowing that s/o is hers.

Should someone ever hit on Rika, s/o wouldn’t think too much of it, as he knows that despite her being a massive flirt, Rika would never flirt with anyone other than him.

However, if the flirting would ever get to a point where it gets uncomfortable for either of them, the other will step in and put an end to it.

When she’s not busy with her Elite 4 duties, Rika and s/o are practically connected at the hip, whether they be battling each other or are simply spending time together alone in their shared home.

Dates often involve Rika and s/o going someplace peaceful and quiet, not just as a way for Rika to unwind after a long day of battling, but also so she can have s/o all to herself without any distractions.

“I missed this babe. There’s no one around, people or pokémon. That means you and I can enjoy each other’s company for as long as we want.”

“Sounds good to me babe. As long as I get to spend time with you Rika, it doesn’t matter to me where we are.”

One thing Rika really loves about s/o, besides everything, is how much he adores her Clodsire.

There has been multiple times when Rika has caught s/o giving her Clodsire a belly rub and feeding him berries, causing her to gush at the sight every time.

“That’s so adorable s/o!”

He blushes and chuckles.

“I can’t help it Rika, I love this little guy. He baby!”

S/o exclaims while holding Clodsire like Simba from the Lion King before he gently places him back on the ground.

“I swear s/o, I think I’m falling more and more in love with you everyday.”

Rika says before getting pulled into a kiss by her boyfriend, surprising her before she sinks fully into the kiss.

They both pull away for air as s/o smiles warmly at his girlfriend.

“I love you too Rika.”

She grins and drags s/o off to the living room so they can chill and watch movies together, Clodsire watching his trainer and her boyfriend with a carefree smile on his face.

[louisisalarrie]

I read that Simon knew Louis was gay and accepted it but he didn’t count on Harry and a relationship between the two so he closeted them. Do you believe that happened?

Big chats here, but long story short, yes. Louis was the oldest, and most extroverted, and the strongest. He was the leader. He was proud to be gay, proud to be with Harry, and was fiercely protective of him from the very beginning. If he convinced louis it was a good idea to hide things for the sake of their career, Louis would explain that to Harry, and Harry would trust everything Louis said because he was older and H looked up to him. He believed louis knew best, because of that age gap and the manipulation S*mon put Louis through to convince him it was the only way to have a career (not just for him, but for the others and Harry, who he cares so deeply for) was parroted back to Harry and harry believed it, because it came from Louis. It was a shit show of gaslighting, manipulation, fear mongering and empty promises.

Remember when Louis talked about how he was flown out to S*mon’s house for a talking to the day after one direction performed at a gay bar with all that cake and Harry and Louis were all over each other? And they looked the happiest they’d ever been? Yeah. Louis was the one S*mon took hold of, and manipulated into thinking it wasn’t gonna last.

And I truly think S*mon thought it wasn’t actually going to last. That it was just two kids figuring themselves out, and it would end eventually, if he pushed Louis into believing it would and set them up with stunts. He knew that the earlier he pushed them apart, the better. If he could squash it at the beginning and convince them to stop trying because “Hey Louis, Harry’s just a kid, he looks up to you but it’s not real love, and if it continues you won’t have any fans or a career and would you want that for Harry?” then they wouldn’t have to worry. BUT Louis was so fierce. You could see the way he fought against management. He’s incredibly strong minded and stands up for what he believes in. And he believed in him and Harry. He believed in them making it. He believed that even though they were young, this was special. It was different. And if shit went bad, he’d protect Harry and they’d be okay. But that took a little while for him, I imagine. Because being so young and the man who holds your career in his hands telling you that you’ll lose all hopes and dreams if you continue on letting this kid fall for you would 100% put you in a tricky position. Unfortunately, S*mon used Louis to push stunts and get his way and tell him that “if you still wanna be with Harry in the future, we’ll let it happen. But for now, it neeeds to take a backseat because otherwise you’re not gonna get anywhere”. So Louis cooperated. He believed S*mon, because the man was essentially grooming him. Until, well, he fought back. It was watching his baby go through stunts and horrible interview questions and probably a lot of crying, and then Louis didn’t believe S*mon anymore. He saw the larries fighting for them, and seeing through the facade. So, he did too. And you could see that switch flip in him. You could see when he started playing games with mgmt. you could see he wouldn’t take no for answer. And it started a war that broke in 2015 after Belfast, bbg, and zayn leaving. An absolute shit show where the things that were meant to line up, just.. didn’t. But he made that S*mons problem, and acted out, and pissed him right off. Louis knew they were worth it. And he should be so proud because after the abuse and everything he copped (Rebecca ferguson’s recap on this via her tweet clearly about louis), he made it through. They made it.

Im a strong believer that Louis took on bbg because otherwise, Harry would have to do a massive stunt similar, and Louis didn’t want his baby to have to go through that. He wanted Harry to be as free as could be, and Louis believed he could deal with it. That it would be short term, but with long consequences, but Harry would have more freedom. And that was the promise mgmt put forward to him. That if he did this, Harry would be able to express himself and be who he is, but Louis needed something ridiculously foolproof to show that the more proud Harry got to be, it was even less likely that they were together.

It’s heartbreaking, really.

[larryloverinfinity]

Does anyone else find it hilarious how Ziam hate began a few months ago when someone decided to write an article about Ziam and it was trending everywhere?

That was the first significant time where I saw Larries being hypocrites on it. Before that, every Larrie I met like myself were a Ziam too.

Nobody asked the journalist to write an article about these boys. But it goes to show that people outside of the fandom picked up on them even though they hadn’t had public interaction in years.

People were mad because Ziam was getting recognition and not Larry. Something that I hadn’t seen Larry have for years. The last thing I prominently remember being written about Larry was that one journalist a few years back maybe during 2016 who had his article taken down by management.

[lwt28brave]

be warned: long post. really long post. mostly because i wanted to get this out of my system.

i know no one asked but since i saw @/berlinini sharing why she doesn't like h... here's my take. i've been in this fandom for seven, almost eight, years. i was a larrie for most of them and... i didn't like harry for most of them either.

yes, i am stupid. this isn't some "oh, it took me so long to see something was wrong", it's mostly a "it took me so long to realize what exactly was wrong and to admit i needed to move on".

and i feel like it's important to speak about this because new fans are being pulled into larry, shamed if they don't want to stan harry too, told that louis isn't enough by himself, that he and his art are linked to harry styles and that's how it works. you see it in youtube comments of react channels and under louis own videos with people who discover him from projects. they're fighting tooth and nail to keep that connection alive, grasping at straws to make people believe there's (still) something there.

now, don't get me wrong. i've noticed the shift too. i've noticed there's a lot more of solo louies joining the fandom, i've noticed that he's being related to h and 1D less and less and i'm happy and proud. i still feel like a lot of larries need to open their eyes (i know some of them are harries in disguise, but, judging by my interactions, i also feel like there's lots of smaller accounts that are mostly louies stuck in the same mindset i was).

i still remember where i was when i first heard the rumors about harry, columbia and how much they were paying for him (mind you, this was before everything that happened in 2015, and it turned out to be true). i had no intention to watch dunkirk, i didn't care about the movie or the promo unless louis mentioned it on a interview. i found sign of the times boring. i didn't enjoy hs1 at all. i didn't like the content he was releasing and even back then i felt like he was too distant, out of touch with reality, performative...

to be honest, while there were a few larrie blogs i checked i mostly talked about it with a few friends who are part of the fandom too, and sticked to reading fics or getting excited about ""proof"" in a small circle.

and this small circle can tell you i would never bite my tongue with them about harry and how i felt about his decisions, and about louis career and the sabotage that was going on.

but i never tied the two. sometimes i would ask myself if i wasn't being too harsh on harry, if all of it was part of his public image, if it was true he was a victim of the contracts too, someone in the closet with no options, and i tried to look "past it". while i enjoyed fine line more than hs1 some of the songs weren't for me either (and it took me six months to listen to it). and it was uneasy for me to see him getting so much recognition when he didn't seem thankful, or even interested in what he was putting out, too busy trying to achieve new levels of fame. and every new thing i find out about him makes me dislike him even more. there's no authenticity, no self-respect, no gratitude, only greediness. empty stay at home t-shirts and data-mining BLM and looking like he's giving an eulogy after winning a Grammy (and only thanking the people who paid for it).

with quarantine i fell back into the fandom and made new larrie friends, and i found myself not kinda believing the "proof" they were excited about, or like i was just checking in for the tabloid drama of it all, too obsessed to let go. but in my mind it didn't make sense, and it didn't feel right, for louis, the louis that i saw, to be dating harry styles™️. sometimes i told myself it was fine if i didn't really like him because louis loved him and it was his personal decision not mine.

i feel like i've been a good judge of character since the beginning, in my case. i picked louis back in 2015 and i'll never regret that decision. i don't think i could ever stop supporting him. but i was so tangled in the idea, had dedicated so much time and energy to larry and that long-suffering, star-crossed soulmate fantasy we built that i wasn't thinking clearly.

i don't think i was actively hurting louis, personally (i never interacted with anyone about larry in other social media platforms, i purchased, supported, tried to promote and streamed his music and only his). in everything but my reading habits i was practically a solo louie already, but yet i was pushing this idea of a relationship that would be really toxic for him, were it to be true.

right now i'm at a point where i feel like i've finally opened my eyes. if they were together, it's obvious they're not anymore. and it's obvious that harry styles is both a blank canvas for sony and the azoffs and someone who doesn't care about what he has to give up for fame. he stopped caring about louis (or anyone who can't either help his career or push his image of the month) in any shape or form, a long time ago.

he surrounds himself with people that don't respect louis neither as a musician nor as a person, and i don't think he does, either. they're not in the same place (mentally and physically, they seem to be unable to be in the same continent for long periods of time). i think i've always known, i just wasn't ready to let go of this fixation i had dedicated so many years to (mostly, fanfiction), and right now i'm pretty firm on my beliefs.

if anyone wants to come and tell me that louis will never be as famous as harry, or that i'm wrong in how i perceive people... go ahead. i don't care. i don't want that level of fame for louis if it comes at that price, and i don't think he wants that either.

i've been here for the highs and the lows of louis career, and i can say i am proud of how his fanbase is growing organically right now, and how he owns his past instead of renouncing it, but he doesn't allow it to define him either. i see a consistency, a hard-working, warm-hearted person, even in the face of everything that has happened.

i see someone worth my time (and my money, which i'm more protective of 😂). i never saw that in harry, not even during the early days.

[saffron-nova21]

New Favorite Setter (U.W.)

The Next Chapter Masterlist < Previous Chapter • You Are Here • Next Chapter >

Warnings: None, really :), just Ushi being sweet After spending a long ten minutes convincing Kenma that you were, indeed, okay, and Iwa was driving you home, he takes his departure. Though, what had really sold him was the fact that he could set up a movie for you both when you got home.

With Kenma's departure, you find yourself wringing your hands - what were you supposed to do? You'd asked everyone to give you and him a moment to talk and they'd done exactly that. Though, now that he was gone, you found yourself standing alone and watching as everyone interacted with one another. You hadn't exactly gotten this far. You felt like it was your first day at Nekoma, all over again, when your teacher made you stand up to introduce yourself to the class.

You didn't want to help in the gym, at least not when Atsumu and Suna were there, even if Bokuto was with them as well. And Iwaizumi seemed to be reviewing some different exercises with Sakusa and Yaku, leaving you wondering what exactly you were here to do. What help could you possibly be to them? You had half a mind to turn around and leave the gym, maybe you could catch up to Kenma before he walked too far away...

Little did you know that you'd caught the attention of a certain player that had stepped out of the gym to get some water.

Just as you're about to turn on your heel to leave, you find yourself approached by none other than the giant of a man, Ushijima Wakatoshi himself. He doesn't know how to acknowledge your awkward actions, or the fact that you look out of place, though maybe that was a good thing. Maybe you just needed a little push to help you get used to and more familiar with the team.

"I need someone to set for me so I can work on my spikes. I want to work on spiking with my right hand, as well. It will be an advantage on the court." The man stands in front of you, almost apprehensively, while he awaits an answer from you. His words are hesitant, voice void of most emotion. Though you had to give him credit for trying to make you feel more comfortable, despite being so awkward, himself.

As he awaits your answer, he furrows his brows in curiosity. Did you even still want to be here? Should he have just let you take off? Maybe he should walk away before he embarrasses himself, or you. Any prior thoughts of leaving you to your own devices leave him when he hears the quiet breath of relief that you release. "Yeah, I can do that. It's what I'm here for, after all!" You flash him a smile and momentarily Ushijima finds his chest tightening. That was an odd... And new feeling.

What was even more confusing was the way the feeling amplified when you took his hand in yours to tug him towards the gymnasium. He trails behind you without complaint, in fact, finding himself managing a small smile at how quickly you brightened when he interacted with you. He wasn't quite sure why he hated the idea of you leaving as much as he did, but here he was, making up excuses for you to stay with him and train. Though he'd be honest, he was probably about to make a fool of himself: it had been a while since he attempted spiking with his right hand.

As you both entered the gym, Bokuto, Suna, and Miya all turned to look in the direction you'd entered, but they had two sides of the court for a reason. Without a word to them, you're releasing Ushijima's hand and going to retrieve a volleyball for the both of you to use.

Ushijima, while your eyes are away from him, shoots a look of warning towards those on the other side of the net as you both make it over to the side, furthest from the door. Unsurprisingly, the look causes the three to halt in their own practice for a few moments, simply watching you. It had been a while since Suna and Miya had seen you play and Bokuto just... Really loved to watch you play. There was something almost elegant about the way you would set. It reminded him a lot of the way Miya set, though he supposed that made sense, with Atsumu having been your teacher.

"You ready, babe?" Tossing the ball to the opposite hitter, you grin at the way his cheeks darken at the term. "Throw it to me, whenever you're ready, alright, Ushi?"

"You may call me Wakatoshi, if you would like, L/N." The giant of a man nods in your direction with an impassive look on his face. Closing his eyes momentarily, he takes a deep breath, reopening them as he exhales. With his exhale also came the volleyball being tossed into the air.

It only took a brief glance at him to note where he was running and with that, you swung your arms to gain momentum as you jumped into the air. Your hands come together above your head only moments before the ball makes contact with them. All of the volleyball players could tell your form wasn't perfect.

Though even in high school, you hadn't been a setter. Nonetheless, Ushijima hardly had to do any work, your set making contact with his hand perfectly. A loud thud sounds through the room as the ball makes contact with the floor.

Ushijima had expected you to be good, but you really had a talent for volleyball, much like Bokuto had been bragging about. He was sure, though, that it was also a product of being a friend of Hinata Shōyō and Bokuto Kōtarō, who seemed to never want to stop practicing. Turning to face you, he noticed the way you grinned proudly at yourself, eyes flickering to his. He interpreted it as exactly what it was: a silent 'how did I do?' And he didn't hesitate to answer your unasked question.

"I think I've found my new favorite setter."

Damn, Ushi really said that in front of Atsumu too... Anyways.

You don't go by the last name 'Kita' anymore, you coined the name 'L/N' for your social media platform, and because after you left for Tokyo, you hadn't had any contact with your brother or grandmother.

Ushijima hasn't ever really had a romantic interest in anyone before, always focusing on his career. But with the knowledge you'll be around often and your phone number, he'll be changing that.

I'm so sorry these updates are taking so long. April and May are kind of rough months for me, but I am working on updates this week, I promise. Anyways, I hope you're all doing wonderfully and taking care of yourselves. Don't forget how proud I am of you, okay? And don't forget to eat, drink some water, and get some rest. You deserve it. Oh, and there will be much more with Ushi, no worries.

Bold couldn't be tagged.

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[amyelliotsdiary]

my harry styles fic rec

over 40k words

The Things I Don’t Ask (zarry - 224k words currently) A boarding school AU that features two boys who can never say how they really feel. This is the only incomplete fic I’m including. It has one chapter to go and is absolutely incredible. I highly recommend it.

Drowning Shadows (zarry - 99k) AU: Harry Styles, executive recruiter, finally meets his match in Zayn Malik. Or, Harry builds walls and Zayn breaks everything.

With Every Heartbeat (zarry - 92k) It's 2025, and Zayn has decided to reunite with the rest of the band for one special show. As he tries to mend old friendships, he gets more than he bargained for when he sees Harry for the first time in ten years.

Baby Be Mine (zarry - 45k) In which Zayn is an English major who hates frats, Harry is a frat bro with great arms, and these things cause Zayn problems.

Paper Lips (zarry - 41k) Harry’s world is so huge, so bright and sparkling, and Zayn is just a small blot of ink in the corner of an ocean, fighting to be worth something. For the prompt - 'Harry is Zayn's sugardaddy, but something makes it complicated.'

If This Is Love (gryles - 85k) He's not fucking thirty yet, but he is way too old for Harry fucking Styles. Or: Nick Grimshaw has done some stupid, ridiculous, mad things in his life, but falling for Harry Styles might be the stupidest thing yet.

Call Answered (larry - 250k) The day after his 27th birthday, Harry Styles attempts suicide. Louis is flown to his bedside to unravel the mystery of why he did it after a flash drive is found with a note attached, addressed to Louis. On it are a collection of 78 songs, all written for different dates from their past.

Love is a Rebellious Bird (larry - 134k) AU in which the boys still make music. Louis is the concertmaster of the London Symphony Orchestra, Harry is the New! and Exciting! interim conductor/ex-cello prodigy who "has made Mozart cool again" according to Esquire Magazine (Louis hates him immediately, which is definitely why he internet stalked him in his dark bedroom late at night that one time), and Niall is the best. Zayn and Liam are around too.

The Finish Line (Is A Good Place For Us To Start) (larry - 120k) The Formula 1 AU everyone needs to read. Seriously.

One for Luck (larry - 96k) AU: Louis and Harry are professional riders on the British Olympic team.

Who Painted the Moon Black (larry - 95k) Hunger Games AU where Louis Tomlinson is district six's victor from the 69th Hunger Games and Harry Styles is district seven's victor from the 72nd Hunger Games.

Here in the Afterglow (larry - 88k) 1970’s AU. In a tiny town in Idaho, Louis’ life is changed forever by the arrival of a curious stranger.

i forget where we were (narry - 70k) Harry wakes up to find he has retrograde amnesia and a perfect life - seemingly.  Side note: This fic is incredible. The description does not do it justice. I don’t usually read narry but this one blew me away.

under 40k words

Need The Sun To Break (zarry - 38k) A “You’ve Got Mail” AU

Toothbrush (zarry - 32k) AU: Harry doesn’t believe in matrimony and Zayn thinks the promise of forever is a lie; a wedding is a good place to meet.

All Your Reasons (zarry - 24k) There's no heat or warmth in the loft, not anymore. It's just a decorated place they both keep their things, a place they never should've inhabited. It's open and spacious, but they're not. They're soggy and sinking. Brooklyn AU where Harry and Zayn look back and look ahead.

Nine Lives (zarry - 21k) Liam asked him last week, when he was drunk and feeling brave, how he knew about Harry, and Zayn was drunk and feeling brave, too, so he told him he didn’t know, that’s the point. There was no crash, no bang, no chase through an airport. It was more quiet than that. Zayn didn’t even feel it, how, from the moment he and Harry met, the space between them got smaller and smaller until there wasn’t any at all.

Even After (zarry - 15k) It’s perfect, really. Harry has Zayn, and through everything, from boarding school to Harry’s first girlfriend to Harry’s first boyfriend to college to everything, Zayn’s never left. There's also the small fact of Zayn being in love with him, but they don’t talk about that. It’s the one thing they never talk about.

B-side (zarry - 14k) Everyone loves Harry—but, to Zayn, Harry is six foot of infuriating, who spends his time pottering around Craze Records and stealing Zayn's flying saucers. (Or, the record store AU where Zayn's too proud to realise that the only reason he finds Harry so annoying is because he fancies the pants off him.)

all tied up in pretty young things (zarry - 11k) "we argued so much during a class discussion that we both got kicked out of class and we're still arguing outside of class" au

Once Upon a Dream (larry - 33k) Louis is psychic and gets caught in the middle of a murder investigation led by FBI Special Agent Harry Styles.

Wine Not? (larry - 20k) Louis’ Wine Dive is a bar run by the people for the people. Wine Styles is a boutique tasting room that caters to a more highbrow clientele. When their worlds clash on a beautiful Charleston street, one of these owners may find that an ounce of pretension doesn’t stand a chance against a pound of perseverance.

keep holding me this way (larry - 13k) An English grad student, a frat jock, and an unimpressed rich boy walk into a bar. No one walks out.

This was compiled from ones I had bookmarked on ao3 and will be expanded upon when I go through my computer bookmarks:)

[purplesurveys]

1159

survey by -egocentricity-

Describe the last time you...

Went swimming: It was in Nasugbu with Angela, Sofie, and Gab nearly a couple of years ago. We wanted to go to a nearby beach before the semester started, so we planned the trip at the last minute and literally just right after we enrolled for our classes.

Went on a date: It was at BGC at this nice, romantic French restaurant. Then as we headed back to the car we spotted a jazz bar that had a live band performing, so we took a detour there to have drinks and nachos.

Were hurt by someone you love: My mom says a lot of hurtful things all the time I’ve stopped keeping track of them and letting them affect me too much, but I’m sure she’s done it recently.

Did something nice for yourself: I got myself a night lamp to improve the ambience in my room and make it feel even more homey. The lamp I had before it was just something I borrowed from my parents and it had white light, so it didn’t feel the most calming. The one I have right now emits this soft yellow shade that makes me feel infinitely more relaxed.

Did something nice for someone else: I ordered KFC at like 1 AM last Wednesday because I was feeling hungry and there was nothing at home that could meet my cravings, and aside from getting orders for my parents I also got a Zinger for my delivery driver as a way to thank him and lift his spirits for working that late into the night.

Were injured: I always sport some sort of scratch or gash somewhere on my body these days from playing with Cooper. This morning I got a new wound on one of my knuckles since he was pulling on his leash way too hard when I was walking him.

Went to the hospital: I had to take blood and urine tests last May to figure out what was wrong with me since I had been sick for a week by that point. That was also during the peak of the pandemic, so there was a lot of anxiety about me catching Covid. It turned out to be a UTI, and even though that technically sucks the whole family was relieved it wasn’t Covid.

Understood something that previously confused you: I had my dad explain to me how buying and bidding for houses works. Hahaha I am sooooo not equipped to be a fully-functioning adult.

Faked sick to get out of going to class: I don’t think I ever did this. If I had wanted to skip class, I just skipped it.

Hung out with your friends: I went to Perfy’s with 7 friends shortly before it shut down for good as a result of the pandemic. We had some beer and bar chow, and to be completely frank it felt quite nice to have that one night where things felt normal again, as ignorant as it was. We vaped until we were dizzy and some of them smoked too much that the smell ended up clinging to me and my clothes, but luckily I got home when my whole family was already in their rooms so no one was able to smell me.

Met someone new: There’s this girl who recently got onboarded to one of our client brands and we started working with her about a week or two ago. She’s honestly been a bit over the place, but I’m giving her the benefit of the doubt because she’s fairly new at a particularly hectic time in her workplace. My first impression of her was that she gave such a strong UP vibe so I looked her up on Facebook, and it turns out we went to the same college and the same high school.

Did something that you were afraid to do: A couple of months ago I had a one-on-one video call organized by the CEO of my employer so that she could get to know me better. She was super nice and listened attentively to my answers to all her questions, but it was easy to tell she wanted to see what I could bring to the table and how well I could mesh with the team especially since I’ve never met her and everyone else in person, so I made sure my social game was maxed out for those 15 minutes haha.

Did something you promised you would never do: I vaped literally half an hour ago. I never expected to form a habit out of it especially after being vehemently against any form of smoking for most of my life. Not particularly proud of it but then again I’m here for a good time and not a long time lmao.

Regretted something: Lazada had this huge app-wide sale last week and their Hydro Flasks were like ₱600 cheaper, but I didn’t buy it because I was feeling stingy that day haha. Now the products are back to their normal price and they’ll probably never get to be that cheap again :( There’s another sale happening tomorrow but the discounts aren’t as big, but I’ll probably place an order this time.

Went shopping: I went to H&M last January to get Andi a late Christmas present. I asked Leigh what they would appreciate as a gift, and she told me they’d wanted to start experimenting with feminine clothes so I got them a nice black skirt and this really elegant dress (that I honestly wanted for myself). I heard they cried once they opened the paper bag, and making people cry with the gifts you get them will always be one of the best feelings ever haha.

Asked someone out/were asked out: Idk, it was 5 years ago and nothing I want to remember anymore.

Broke up with someone: I’ve never broken up with someone.

Had someone break up with you: It was terrible and the stuff of all my nightmares combined, and it happened in the middle of an already-shitty month to boot so I had little hope for myself to come out of it alive. I had everything planned and ironed out and all that was left was for me to leave. 

It’s been 7 months and I’ve never felt emotionally and mentally better and healthier.

Were heartbroken: I follow this animal rescue NGO on Facebook and they regularly post about dogs who’ve lived through awful situations and need urgent care and forever homes to live in. Fortunately the page has a wide reach and regularly gets support, and I try to donate to their bank account as often as I can.

You were angry with someone: Haven’t directed my anger towards anyone in a while.

You felt "in love" with someone: It was during the time I was still reeling over the breakup and was caught in an endless loop of still being in love with them and forcing myself to finally detach.

You wanted something unrealistic: I was at the rooftop this morning and I could feel the temperature getting warmer every hour, and when I finally couldn’t tolerate the heat and was forced to go back indoors I felt super annoyed because all I want is to live somewhere with a chilly climate all-year round hahaha UGH

You made someone angry: It was when I spilled a tiny drop of soup onto the dining table and my mom had a complete meltdown about it. After 89457843957 years of her getting mad at First World Problems I wasn’t intimidated by her anymore, but it still irked me at how something so little can piss her off so I just decided not to speak a word for the rest of the night.

You made someone's day: I hope I made my delivery driver’s night when I got him his burger as a surprise. I hold so much respect and appreciation for them considering they’ve been working very hard to get people’s goods to their doorsteps in the midst of a global pandemic.

Tried something new: When I bought my lamp it was the first time I got something to decorate my room. I usually spend all my money on food, so that was a nice change to try out.

Tried your best: I always try my best at work and to make each day more improved than the last.

Didn't try at all: A couple of nights ago I asked my dad to light up my scented candle and he challenged me to try lighting up a matchstick by myself for once. I was all primed and ready to go, but backed out at the last second :(( I told him there was a big chance I could freak out, drop the lit matchstick. and set something in the dining room (where we were) on fire, and that’s when he gave up and just lit it up himself hahaha

Got nothing for your efforts: I’d gladly refer you to my big waste of a 6-year relationship.

Had a serious talk with someone: I always have deep conversations with Andi and they’ve been about various topics over the last few months.

Told someone how you really feel: It was when Bea scheduled a quick one-on-one catch-up call with me to check up on how I was doing with work and if I was doing okay with the everyday craziness of it all. But I didn’t say anything grave; I just told her I honestly like the work we do and that it’s nice that it keeps me excited everyday, so there’s little to complain about.

Hid what you felt from someone: One of my co-workers, Denise, is honestly a little challenging to work with. I always have to pick up after her and remind her of stuff we need to do together, and even Bea has let a few comments slide between us about how difficult she can be. But considering I’m a lot newer than her and we’ve never met each other I’ve stayed quiet for now.

Took something that didn't belong to you: I got the matchbox from my parents’ room to ask one of them to light up the aforementioned scented candle I have.

Borrowed something from someone: I borrowed one of my sister’s cords the other evening to charge my vape pen.

Lost a game: This was when my orgmates and I played a couple Jeopardy games over Zoom about a month ago and I lost to Robin.

Won a game: Not sure, I don’t really play a lot of games.

Told someone you love him/her: Jo, after she shared that she tested positive for Covid.

Went on vacation: It’s been a year and a half and the world has changed a lot since then, but my family and I went to Tagaytay and Cavite for a quick weekend getaway; it was Tagaytay on Saturday then we drove to another hotel in Cavite the next day. We played Heads Up, ate Jelly Belly jellybeans, had a lot of nice food, took some walks, but then I also had to work on a Powerpoint in between because I had a presentation that was due that Monday lol.

Went on a roadtrip: Last January we drove to Tagaytay (again) for my dad’s 50th birthday. Before heading to our accommodation we had brunch at La Creperie where we happened to be seated beside Larry Gadon – bleck – and his wife. Then we headed to the condo unit where we stayed the night at, ordered a samgyupsal set, and I watched GMM’s Let’s Talk About That into the night until I fell asleep.

Flew on a plane: That would be over two years ago and it was during our vacation to Bicol. That also marks the last time I ever spoke a word to my brother, because on our way home my family got into a heated argument and he ended up slapping me in the face. I don’t tolerate physical acts of violence, and especially not from someone younger than me, so I was more than glad to cut ties with him moving forward.

Were annoyed with a family member: My mom is politically incorrect 24/7, and it grinds my gears 24/7.

Took something too far: Idk, maybe cutting off ties with Gab. A part of me wanted to reconnect at some point, once I’ve healed; but I’ve reached a point in my life where that doesn’t seem so necessary anymore. Life just works funnily sometimes, I guess. I haven’t completely cut her off; we’re still mutuals on Twitter (though she also never uses it so it barely counts), and also still Facebook friends (though I’ve unfollowed her and I’ve also blacklisted her from seeing my posts – thank god for that feature), so now it’s really just a matter of pressing some buttons and finally disconnecting for good.

Gave up too soon: I wanted to learn riding a bike during the early days of the pandemic last year, but I gave up after like two days of being unsuccessful.

Listened to a band you had not heard before: I started exploring some of BTS’ music earlier this week after weeks of just knowing Dynamite.

Judged someone: Some of the bloggers that I regularly correspond with for work, and who’ve recently added me on Facebook, have opinions I don’t necessarily agree with.

Asked a "stupid question": I ask a lot of newbie questions at work that maybe some people would consider dumb, but I’d rather get answers to do my work correctly than take guesses and end up doing the wrong thing.

Got "a stupid answer": Not sure.

Took a picture of something/someone: I recently took a photo of my work desk setup so I could show off my new pretty lamp, hahaha.

Told a lie: I told my mom my Hydro Flask is still with Angela and that I should be getting it soon, but I really lost it a few years ago and would have to buy a new one.

Told the truth: Idk I tell the truth all the time.

[visionssofgideon]

Thoughts on Orange is the New Black finale

SO I CRIED (spoilers below)

Wow, I mean WOW. First off, this season was a little sluggish to get through, so it took me 3 days instead of 1 or 2 to get through. But that’s really it huh? I disliked it for many reasons, but the ending was bittersweet and not bad. It wasn’t 100% happy, but it’s not supposed to be. It was realistic. I’ve been watching this show since middle school at an age when I was shocked at the sight of a woman’s breasts and had to mute every sex scene and now I stand as a proud gay brown woman and I am so happy to know oitnb was probably one of the reasons.  

First off, Piper’s character- while she is the main character, I have never loved her. In fact, I LOVED Zelda this season, the one person who accepted her for who she was and was so genuine, so I was disappointed. However, the whole Chapman/Vause thing has been a one constant thing throughout the show, and their love for each other through everything constantly surprised me. I’m just glad that Piper is using her life for good, going to law school and building a life for herself.

Alex’s character was one of my favorites, she’s always been badass and realistic, SO out of Piper’s league. I’m just glad she ended up with people from Litchfield in Ohio like Norma, Yoga Jones (who will always be kind to newbies and tell them what a mandala is), and BIG BOO! Glad she’s getting out in only 3 years. 

Other characters they ended with- those at another prison like the runner, the “Asian”,  even Pennsatucky’s gals. Even the appearance of Chang in ICE, though ICE, was funny. 

Pennsatucky’s death shook me. I would’ve never guessed in a million years she would die. I truly thought she would survive, and never guessed she would be in a body bag. YOU’RE TELLING ME she passed the GED? The FUCK. So sad. Who knew she would go from being one of the most annoying characters who we hoped to die to being one of the most genuine, loving and loveable characters, who deserved so much more. She had been sober, and she died. It was terrible, but I’m just glad her character development was not left out of the works over the course of the past 7 seasons.

Crazy Eyes Suzanne, she is crazy but I love her. Same with Lolly. I think she was portrayed SO WELL by Uzo Aduba over the past 7 seasons, she truly made every subplot better. 

Nicky Nichols. I would DIE for her. It was so sad, that she really lost the two people closest to her. Red to dementia/alzheimer’s, and Lorna to shock. Always loved the mother/daughter relationship between her and Red, and it was so sad when she had to say goodbye to both of them, including Lorna who she just knew she couldn’t take care of anymore. Idk how long her sentence is, but she LITERALLY BECAME Red! With her lipstick, in charge of the kitchen staff, helping junkies become sober. She is a good person, and I like how they ended her story for the better, even if Red and Lorna were a lost cause.

Shani hit close to home for no reason, maybe just the single flashback that her own family wouldn’t care if something happened to her for being gay. The letter she wrote to Nichols made me die a little inside, but I believe it gave Nichols as much of a reason to continue as it gave Shani. I’m glad they talked about her background.

Speaking of, FUCK ICE. Wow, I was furious. I mean, they made it one of the major plotlines of this seasons, and I’m glad they did. They talked about those seeking asylum, coyotes, and detention centers, including talking to FUCKIN CHILDREN about this shit. America is fucked up, and I’m glad they made it such a big deal. Like what happened to Karla, was just heartbreaking. She was left for dead on her way back to the states, and honestly? It’s the terrifyingly inhumane truth. People are DYING everyday because of this, and I don’t think people who are privileged like us even realize what dangerous journeys people go on to come here to escape the terrible inhumane conditions of other countries, just to be turned back and spit on. The court scene with children was a reminder that the American law takes pity on nobody, and is disgusting.

I loved Natalie Figueroa this season. I mean her and Joe Caputo are both GOOD DECENT human beings. Her helping a woman who was raped with an abortion, being disgusted by ICE, shows how every person should be. Their relationship was too cute and I’m so glad they decided to adopt. I want them to be my parents lmao

Warden Ward was a decent person too, and she tried her damn best. She helped the women, punished those that deserved to be punished (looking at Luschek), and wanted to make prison a place of rehabilitation. This is what prison should be, not disgusting abuse. 

Taystee- man she made me cry. Her acting, was brilliant. I really did think she would take her own life. Even that flashback with Poussey bro, killed me. I am so glad she did good for others, whether it was tutoring or starting that fund. Her relationship with Joe Caputo was another good one. Her role was so relevant since season 5 when Poussey passed, and I am just so glad they established a real life fund. The end to her character was a good one, though we don’t know if she got justice or not, she used her life for good.

Black Cindy, her character arc was sort of weird, especially since she betrayed Taystee. But it was realistic, to say the least, with her being homeless yet trying her best. I’m glad that she ended up mending things with her mom and daughter, showing that family is family after all.

Wow, Maritza’s story was shocking as well, and they just left with her being deported. It broke me a little, especially knowing that Diane Guerrero’s parents irl were deported and she has been vocal about it. Again, the stories about ICE was REALISTIC. The whole Hindu/Muslim Beef/Pork thing was so minor yet hit close to home. It just is scarring to think it is happening to our own people. 

I’m glad Flaca is doing something similar to Nichols, by carrying on what Gloria did and helping those at ICE. 

Blanca was a bigger role since last season, and it was shocking that though others were not successful, she got her green card and still decided to be with her loved one. It’s crazy. 

Gloria Mendoza was one of the best and most decent people from the beginning, and I’m so glad to see she was released and happy again. People like her and Sophia Burset who were shown happy in real life, deserve the best. It shows that not everybody has a sad ending. I’m so glad she didn’t get more time, and instead lived happily. 

People like Maria Ruiz who are trying to reform themselves to be better people in prison also made me happy. 

Somehow, pornstache with Daya’s baby made me happy, guess he did change. I replayed that scene a bunch of times because I couldn’t believe the reappearance, really thought it was Larry. I guess I’m glad they showed that.

Daya was one of those characters who was gone, in the way that it was bad and there was no point of return. In a way, though Aleida was hella annoying, her doing everything for her children so they never turn out like her in the end was a very good way to sum up her and Daya’s storyline, as it had been ongoing for the past 7 seasons. Who knows what happened to Daya, but it basically ended the storyline of this mother-daughter family duo. 

I’m just sad about Red and Lorna. Idk what to say really, especially about Lorna never reverting back. She was too sweet, but she must’ve always been crazy from shock based on her flashback. Her and Red ended up together, crazy together, but I guess that isn’t a bad thing. 

This show’s ending is like Orphan Black’s ending to me. I don’t know why or where I came upon this show after season 1 had come out and season 2 was about to or had just come out in 2014. All I know is, I’m glad I came by it, it helped me figure out myself and this world for what it is. Thank you to this show for helping so many people, and I hope the Poussey Washington fund truly helps more people in the years to come. Orange Forever.

[johnny-and-dora]

keep you warm (wanna keep you all)

for @sandylovesfandoms, who asked for “jake pining over amy looking so cute all wrapped up in scarves” as part of the @b99fandomevents fall 2019 fic exchange! i really hope you like it!

“Thermodynamic equilibrium.” She’d grinned as he’d offered to warm up her hands on a coffee date a million years ago. He’d never found a use for his hidden talent as a walking space heater before they started dating. Now, here, everything’s always too warm and completely off balance.

or, florida man really misses his girlfriend. (prequel to 4x01)

read on ao3 -

Today, Jake thinks as he buries himself in Larry’s stupid uncomfortably warm bed wearing Larry’s stupid clothes and Larry’s stupid heartbreak, officially sucks.

Considering he’s spent the past few months living in the sunshine state, his average disposition has been anything but sunny; the tepid, swamp-like purgatory of his seemingly everlasting stint of witness protection makes it hard to feel anything other than sweaty and heartbroken. And he’s been trying to stay positive, he really has – he’s chasing leads locked away in his secret storage locker whenever he can and he’s got a contraband grainy photo of her for when he really needs it and he lies awake reassuring himself that the squad are doing everything they can to get them home.

But today especially, royally sucks; today is a hot tub burrito kind of day, a day that can’t even be improved by getting drunk and renting Die Hard or building up his case on Figgis or doing something intensely ridiculous with his hair. Today is one of those days where he knows Holt will invent an issue with their shared fence later just to check up on him, which is guaranteed to cause a whole maelstrom of guilt and awkwardness that he really isn’t equipped to deal with right now.

Because today, as the little Google doodle so obnoxiously cheerfully reminded him earlier this morning before he threw his phone across the room, is the first day of fall.

He promised Amy he’d be back before the end of summer.

He thought he knew what it was like to miss home. Six months undercover wasn’t exactly a walk in the park (especially as it had the opposite intended effect and only made his slightly debilitating crush on a certain co-worker even stronger), but now he thinks he’d take being tech support for the mafia in a heartbeat over this totally new kind of personal hell.

In the first few weeks, the list of things he missed was simple; Amy, working cases, his mom, New York pizza, the rest of the squad and Amy again.

But now, five months in, Jake has become a seasoned professional in making elaborately and ridiculously long lists of all the things he misses. He lies on top of a bed that feels too big and stares at the damp creeping in from the corners of Larry’s bedroom and watches the slow wistful spin of the ceiling fan and makes himself sick making lists.

Lists of witty lines he loves to say when he finally catches a perp. Lists of the weird foods Charles is always gushing about in his daily email blasts. Lists of things he wants to do to Figgis if he – when he finally escapes this hell hole. It helps, sometimes. Sometimes he thinks it hurts more than anything else.

It’s this terrible wonderful oxymoron, a word he only learnt because his girlfriend, among the billion million other amazing tiny things he loves about her, is a walking dictionary. It’s agony and it’s relief and it fills all the emptiness for a little while but in the end, it always makes it worse. And yet he can’t stop himself. What else is there to do?

(“Get a job.” The voice of reason in his head that always sounds a bit like Holt chimes in. He ignores it.)

Five months in, everything he misses about Amy can’t even fit on one list anymore – she has her own entire mental subcategory. In different circumstances, he likes to think that she’d be proud of his organisation skills – that helps, a little bit. The idea that when they’re finally reunited at the airport or in an epic shootout he’ll tell her that he finally understands the power of list-making in-between kisses and she’ll find it stupid hot.

Five months in, trying to stay positive means a moment of content in getting to start a new list - fall themed things he misses about his girlfriend. The luxury hot cocoa that she gets out on special occasions and the way she’s taken to always having a packet of mini marshmallows lying around especially for him. The way she always gets excited when September arrives because of all the stationary sales and the chance to add to her binder collection. The piles and piles of thick winter coats and comforters and scarves she gets out of storage practically the second the first leaf drops to the ground.

He’s struck by a vivid memory of her looking unfairly adorable all wrapped up in her hat and scarf and his leather jacket while it was barely less than 50 degrees outside. Another one of her lecturing him on how toffee apples didn’t count as part of a healthy and balanced diet. He’s overwhelmed with Amy, the way she holds his hand on walks and laughs at his dumb jokes and makes him want to see the best in people, even be a better person just so he can come closer to deserving her.

(“Thermodynamic equilibrium.” She’d grinned as he’d offered to warm up her hands on a coffee date a million years ago. He’d never found a use for his hidden talent as a walking space heater before they started dating. Now, here, everything’s always too warm and completely off balance.)

It’s not like he expected Figgis to automatically drop into the FBI’s lap as soon as fall hit, but it stings anyway; another broken promise. Sure, he had no authority to make that promise in the first place, but now they’ve spent over a full summer apart and the self-doubt and dread twist him in knots, whispers that it’s his fault. It’s all too easy to believe that.

It doesn’t help that it’s Florida - birds still scream outside his window at ungodly hours and crazy thunder and lightning crash with an intensity that makes him think of cowering under a blanket as a kid until his Nana soothed him back to sleep. It does help that they’re still in the same time zone, that sometimes he can whisper good morning or goodnight knowing that her alarm just went off or that she just settled in to do the latest NYT crossword.

He wouldn’t wish this on anyone, which only makes him feel guilty whenever he wishes she was with him.

(“You have to stay.” He’d said while his life was in the process of being unravelled and he was numbly aware of a damp patch on his shirt from where she’d been crying and the entire world was falling apart. She’d nodded, and there was the silent promise – I trust you.)

She’s going to get them back home. It’s an unshakeable fact in his mind; Amy’s still waiting for him and she’s doing everything she can to get them back home. He can’t bear to imagine any alternative.

But for now, it’s the first day of fall. Another lost day there’s no convincing positive spin for and it feels like all he can do is lie here completely helpless and worry that he’s forgotten exactly what her laugh sounds like.

***

The romanticised ideals of New York in the fall he spent all that time building up in his head don’t even remotely compare to the real thing.

Today is a good day. Sure, it might be slightly more enjoyable if he wasn’t recovering from a bullet wound and they weren’t both exhausted from the night shift - but he has a dope cane now and he no longer looks like Vanilla Ice and Amy’s holding his hand and it’s so, unbelievably good to be back home.

(He can’t stop saying it – whenever friends ask him how he’s doing or the sweet old lady that runs the bodega next to his apartment says she hasn’t seen him in a while or one of the Santiago brothers sends him a text. It’s good to be home.)

With every step, it gets a little easier; with every step, he feels a little lighter, feels a little more comfort that both Larry Sherbet and the all the totally consuming bitter loneliness that came with him is dead and buried. The auburns and the yellows and the oranges that dot the trees are so welcoming and he can’t even begin to describe how great it feels to wear his leather jacket again.

And if that wasn’t good enough, Amy’s here. Ever consistent, always grounding, the constant that his entire universe gravitates around. Amy’s here and she’s wrapped up in a coat and scarf that almost completely dwarves her and she’s smiling and Jake thinks that means balance has been restored to the universe again, maybe just a little bit. He can’t stop himself from holding her tighter and pressing an almost possessive kiss to the top of her head, revelling in the way she flushes pink and her eyes crinkle with a quiet kind of joy.

“You wanna take a break?” She asks gently, squeezing his hand – they sit on a nearby park bench, all honeyed smiles and heart eyes and generally being one of those couples that are disgustingly in love but he no longer cares – given the circumstances, they’ve more than earned a free pass to be sickening.

“Okay, so we’ve done hot cocoa and stationary shopping and autumnal park walk. What else was on the list?”

“I think that was everything. I mean, the main thing was getting to do all that stuff with you.”

“Want to go home and watch Die Hard and make out on the couch, then?”

“I love you.” He says reverently as she grins – he can’t stop saying that either. It somehow feels like he needs to make up for all the lost ones in-between.

"Love you too.” She hums dreamily, lightly muffled by all the layers she’s wrapped up in yet not an ounce of the deliberate weight behind it is lost on him. It's magic, how easily she washes all the fear and self-doubt away. He squeezes her ice-cold hands, doing his best to warm them up - when her molten gaze meets his he grins and thinks thermodynamic equilibrium and I trust you and it’s good to be home.

The list of things he misses about Amy gets left behind in a storage locker in Coral Palms – but the list of things he loves about her only grows and grows.

[suspendrs]

thank you to my very best friend @moonlightlouie / @moonoodledoodle for making this lil comic.

one last story before i go:

i started writing fic when i was 16, after my very first heartbreak. i didn’t even know i was queer back then, but i had my very first internet friend, and we were as close as any two ‘straight’ larries could be. We talked about everything without actually talking about any of it, we were each other’s safe space, and it was, to this day, the most special relationship i’ve ever had with another human. even though i don’t talk to this person anymore, i wish her all the best in the world, and i think about her every single day of my life.

when this specific friend stopped talking to me, i went into a depressive spiral. i didn’t know at the time that i was experiencing my very first heartbreak, or that the weird infatuation i had with that girl was probably my very first love, but i know that not having her anymore ruined me. i didn’t know what to do with all of those feelings; i couldn’t eat, i couldn’t sleep, all i could do was stare at the wall and think, and think, and think.

the very first fic i ever wrote, the oldest story on my ao3, is by far the worst thing i’ve ever written. it’s sloppy, it’s poorly written, it’s overly sexual and probably really problematic in a lot of ways. i am not proud of that fic whatsoever, and yet, almost five years later, i still cannot bring myself to delete it, because it reminds me of that girl i lost, the safety and the security she used to bring to me that every day when i got home from school, i’d have her to escape to. i wrote it for her, because of her, in replacement of her, and now every time i think of her, i think of everything she gave me.

if i hadn’t spent the week between christmas and new year’s in 2014 with a pain in my chest so troublesome i’m still surprised it didn’t kill me, if that pain hadn’t driven me to make one last desperate attempt to keep even the tiniest part of a person that meant everything to me and to whom i meant nothing, i wouldn’t be anywhere close to where i am today. i know that there’s a .000001% chance that you’re seeing this right now, Em, but thank you. for everything.

when i posted that first fic, i never expected anything to come out of it. it was for me, the equivalent of an old sleep shirt i stole from the girl who didn’t love me back, and i never thought in a million years that i’d even write another fic, let alone 42 more. in the first night that first fic was up, it raked in a little over a hundred hits, and exactly 15 kudos, and i was on top of the world. 

validation wasn’t something i was terribly used to at that point in time. i was bullied a lot as a kid by the group of girls i was supposed to be friends with. i never knew i was being bullied; i thought i deserved their cruelty, i thought it was something natural, something inherit about me that made me That Friend. some climates are warmer than others, some fish are predators and some are prey, and someone in the friend group must always be chosen to play the unwanted dog in every game of house.

those first fifteen kudos on a fic i didn’t even know that anybody would find meant the entire world to me. finally, someone could see me, someone appreciated me, someone thought i was good at something, worthy of a written notice of praise. it was fucking life changing.

i started writing more, i made some new fandom friends, i made a lot more meaningful connections. i made new friends in real life, ones that seemed to care about me more, and then when it turned out that they didn’t really care, either, i made some different new friends, and even more after that. i kept posting stories online, making more and more friends all over the world, gaining respect and receiving feedback and pouring myself a foundation to begin growing as a person, building myself up brick by brick until i learned to respect myself as much as i wanted other people to respect me.

and then, october of 2015. a friend of mine i don’t talk to anymore from a group chat that isn’t even active now asked me to write a youtube au, something cute and fluffy, not too serious. i took the prompt gladly, wrote a silly little thing modeled around some youtubers i really loved, and put it out in the world just like i had the other couple things i had written so far. within a few days, the tumblr post already had almost 2,000 notes, and the fic itself had nearly 10k hits, almost 1,000 kudos, and climbing. i was awestruck. suddenly, it seemed like everyone in the world was talking about my fic, about me. my other works gained a little attention, but nothing like the youtuber au, nothing like that euphoric feeling of having done something good, something great, even, something people liked and loved and wanted more of, holy shit, i had real people asking me to do more of something because they liked it, and by extension they liked me. My friends were proud of me, and suddenly i had even more people wanting to be my friends, wanting to talk to me in any capacity, and it was absolutely exhilarating. 

none of the stories i posted after the first part of the youtuber au ever gained nearly that amount of attention, but as time went on, i grew to be okay with that. i moved away from writing things that i thought other people might want to read and started writing things that i thought i might like to write, and somehow, people kept reading. every time i posted a fic, people would say lovely things, compliment my writing and tell me they were excited to read more from me, and somehow that was even more exhilarating than my 15 minutes of fame with the youtuber au. i kept writing stories that i loved, and people kept loving them, too, and then, suddenly, four years had gone by, i had written over a million words, and i was a different person entirely.

writing fic got me through that first heartbreak, but then it kept getting me through everything else, too. it got me through realizing i was queer, and then it got me through my high school friend group dumping me because they found out i was queer. it got me through deciding my college major (english and creative writing, obviously), it got me through my first relationship and my first break up, and then my second relationship and my second breakup, and a lot of weird and awkward and bad times in between. writing got me through my homesickness when i moved to london, and it got me through my depressive episode when i got home from london, and it helped me through all my stress and sleepless nights and self-destructive behavior last semester when i thought i was going to fail out of college in my junior year. writing fic has always been my escape, my coping mechanism, and my favorite hobby, and i owe more to it than even i probably realize.

as much as i credit my very first internet friend, love interest and heartbreak for all of this, i need to credit Harry and Louis, as well, for the endless amount of love and support and security they have unknowingly provided to me over the past few years. without them, none of this would have happened to me. ff there’s a .000001% chance that Em is reading this, there’s a 0% chance that Harry or Louis is, but i’m gonna say it anyway: thank you, thank you, thank you. no matter what the truth is, you two have given me a home. you’ve given me something to belong to, you’ve given me a family, and a purpose, and a sense of direction. you’ve inspired me endlessly, you’ve opened doors through time and space and given me a way out of whatever i was going through, if only for a little while. you’ve given me an identity, or at least the tools to find it on my own. you’ve given me an entire world and a baby’s-first-tool-kit to go out and conquer it. thank you for being everything i never knew i needed. 

and to you, reading this, whoever you are, thank you, too. ff you’ve made it this far, that means you must care at least a little, and i cannot thank you enough for that. i never thought i’d be the type of person that other people could care about. i thought i would always be alone in the world. thank you so fucking much for proving me wrong.

i’m gonna go do some things now. i’m gonna go work on making some dreams come true, like graduating college, writing a novel, traveling the world and hopefully finding even more dreams along the way. i’m not leaving the fandom, not entirely, but i’ve gained enough self-awareness over the years to understand that, at this point in my life, my being in this fandom is doing more harm than it is doing good. i don’t mean to say that i’ve outgrown the fandom, but more to say that i have outgrown the person that i am in here. it’s time for me to poke some holes in this eggshell i’ve been keeping cozy in, to let some light in and breathe some new air. i think i’m ready to do that now.

thank you, one last time, for everything. there isn’t a single thing in the world that i don’t owe to this fandom. thank you for allowing me to contribute, and for letting me grow, and for all the other things i can’t even begin to comprehend. i know what love is now, and suddenly, it is all i can feel.

thank you, and goodnight. xoxo, liv

[you-andthebottlemen]

58 - Original: Van taking care of you when you’re stressed (platonic)

So after seeing Catfish recently I had a lotttt of emotions and feelings. Also very stressed at the moment so writing this fic sort of felt like therapy. It’s a platonic Van x reader fic but take it how you want. I hope you enjoy it!

Love E x

****************************************************************

Stress was one thing. What you were experiencing right now was something else entirely. The sort of stress and panic that filled your body with an uncomfortable burning feeling which made your appetite disappear and stopped you from being able to do anything at all. Completely paralysing.

You sat on the floor, laptop and notebooks spread out in front of you, just blankly staring at the screen. Your digital calendar with all the different commitments colour coded glowed dauntingly. You wanted to be sick. So much to do, not enough time and you had no idea where to begin. You were absolutely spinning out.

“Y/n. Here, have one of them peach teas you like so much,” Larry insisted as he walked through the door of your bedroom.

He held out a plastic bottle of peach iced tea, your favourite. You just shook your head, not taking your eyes off of the screen. He sighed and placed it down on your desk anyway after clearing a spot amongst all the papers and pens. Bless him. He’d been trying to help any way he could for the last few days. From bringing you your favourite things the way a dog brings their Person a toy as a sign of love, to offering to proof read your work and even attempting to cook you a roast. It meant the world but wasn’t any help once you were in this state.

The draft of your thesis was due in one short week and you were absolutely nowhere near close enough to reaching that deadline. Aside from that you’d been rostered on for extra shifts this week at work too. You just had no time and your brain couldn’t get anything straight. You just couldn’t see how you’d get everything done or how you would get through it all.

“C’mon y/n. You can’t keep going like this. What can I do?”

“Nothing.”

Larry stood leaning against the door frame. You groaned and fell back onto the floor, legs spread out. You drifted into a haze of weirdly calm panic, gazing into the off-white ceiling. You heard Larry sigh, shuffle away and put the kettle on in the kitchen.

Minutes or perhaps hours passed. You were only brought out of your staring match with the ceiling when you heard voices.

“Not even sleeping like, won’t eat. Nothing. ‘Dunno what to do...”

Larry was talking to someone, clearly about you. There was more said but you didn’t catch it. You heard two pairs of footsteps come closer and closer to your room. Staying flat on your back, eyes upwards, you didn’t look to see who Larry had brought over. But you didn’t have to look. Van walked over and wordlessly lay down on the floor beside you. He looked up at the ceiling too and rested his hands on his stomach.

“What’s goin’ on, babe?” he asked quietly, casually.

There was no sound of concern in his voice, no fear of saying the wrong thing like Larry always had when you got like this. You liked that. Sometimes, somehow, Van just seemed to get you more than anyone else and you didn’t know why. It made sense that Larry had called him as a last resort. You’d been mates with the boys for a few years now and house sat for Larry while he was away. Though you’d been staying there for the last few weeks despite him being home, working on your thesis; their wifi was better and ironically, they lived closer to the library than you did.

“Stressed,” you grunted back.

“Yeah. So, what, are you gonna stare at this wall forever?” he asked, teasing you lightly.

It worked, your eyes were pulled away for the off-white and snapped to his face instead.

He was looking at you now, a small smile curling up at the corners of his lips. His eyes glinted and his mouth hung open slightly.

“It’s a ceiling. And I guess not, no,” you replied, your voice weak but your racing thoughts put on hold for a moment.

Van cracked a little grin and sat up. He stood and stepped over you, one foot either side of your legs and held his arms out. As he looked down at you, his fringe flopped forwards over his forehead and his golden necklace fell from between his collar and hung in the air off his neck.

“Up ya get.”

You begrudgingly grabbed onto his hands. They were warm against your cold skin which was somewhat calming, and he pulled you to your feet with surprising strength. You felt like a rag doll being lifted about. Once you were standing, you wrapped your arms around yourself. You’d hardly eaten or slept and the sudden movement made you a little lightheaded. The anxiety was still going full force and your heart rate was so fast it was making you clammy. You glanced at the door; no sign of Larry, he’d left Van to deal with your shit alone.

“Come on. Bath. You look like shit love, sorry. Need to wash your hair and stuff,” Van instructed.

“Like you can talk!” you replied, reaching out to touch his usually greasy as fuck hair that was actually rather soft and shiny today.

Van smirked and guided you to the bathroom. You smelt lavender wafting from the open door; Larry had only gone and run you a bath, probably at Van’s instruction. You could have just melted on the spot. These boys were too, too good to you. It was oddly nice just being told what to do and where to go. Your brain didn’t have to operate for a little while which was a pleasant change to the constant state of overdrive it had been in.

Van left you to shed your clothes and step into the hot bubble bath. The heat warmed your bones and you could feel some of the tension leave your body. The big lights were off, only the dim lights around the mirror were switched on, creating a warm glow. You shut your eyes and breathed slowly. After a while, you dipped your head back into the water and let your hair soak.

Eventually there was a gentle knock at the door. You made a humming sound to invite whichever of the boys it was, inside. With a deep breath you brought your knees to your chest and hugged them, letting the bubbles cover you.

Van cautiously walked into the bathroom; probably afraid he’d see more of you than either of you bargained for. You just smiled at him sweetly and he placed a cup of tea down on the tiled corner between the bath and wall for you and your pyjamas on the sink.

“Thank you, Van. I love Larry. But I needed this, thanks for the push.”

“That’s alright, love. Larry’s good, but I’ve got more experience handling girls,” he replied smugly.  

You cringed a little but laughed softly. You loved Van’s easy confidence in himself.

“What! You’ve seen him, he’s a bit clueless…” Van chuckled, defending his cockiness. This just made you giggle more because Van was just as clueless, only in different ways.

“Oh don’t say that…but yeah. He’s been bringing me assorted drinks all day.”

Van joined in your laughter but was still radiating love for his best friend.

“Okay…well I’ll leave you to it,” Van said finally, standing awkwardly and looking down at you.

You felt slow and sleepy, at ease finally.

“No. Play me a song?”

“Yeah?” Van replied, his face perking up.

You nodded and shut your eyes again.

Van disappeared from the bathroom and you used this time to slurp up the tea he’d brought in. When he returned acoustic guitar in hand, Van shut the door behind him and closed the toilet lid before sitting down. You placed the mug back in its spot and lay back against the bath as Van began to softly strum some gentle chords in a melody that was slow and sweet. You had never felt so relaxed. Trying to respect your privacy, he didn’t look up from the strings, but you were too exhausted and drowsy to care anyway. A comfortable silence fell between you both and you let the sounds of the guitar reverberate against the bathroom’s acoustics, lulling you into a state of bliss.

You knew that all this wasn’t going to fix your problems, but it was good to switch off and recharge. You’d gotten yourself so worked up that you just stopped functioning. You were grateful that Larry had staged a Van intervention and forced you to calm the fuck down.

Once the bubbles began to dissolve and you were close to drifting off to sleep to the sound of Van’s guitar, you mumbled to him about getting your towel. Van held up the fluffy white towel and wrapped it around you as you stepped out of the tub. Just as before, he disappeared to give you peace and privacy.

You lazily applied some body butter to all your dry patches, the vanilla scent perking you up a bit. When you were done, you grabbed Larry’s dressing gown that was hung behind the door and put it on over your t-shirt and pyjama pants. You trudged out into the kitchen, expecting to see Van and Larry in there having a smoke, but it was empty.

After a quick glance in the mostly unfilled fridge, you settled on heating up some salty edamame beans. You took the bowl with you through the house and found the boys sat on Larry’s bed playing Fifa. When you walked through the door, Van paused the game and looked over at you with a raised eyebrow, curious about what was in the bowl.

In the bath, you sort of felt like you were on a cloud of lavender and bubbles and calm. Now, you just felt kinda numb and tired. The anxiety was mostly gone for now, and you’d gotten so used to it being there that you felt weird without it.

“Thanks,” you said again to the boys as you climbed over Van and sat between them.

You leaned back against Larry’s bed head and stretched your legs out like the other two.

“Dunno’ how Van got through to you but thank God he did, couldn’t deal with zombie y/n anymore,” Larry admitted, a dumb little smile on his face.

You gave him a look and bumped your shoulder into his.

“I got that magic touch,” Van replied smoothly, proud of himself for essentially bringing you back to the land of the living.

“That sounds wrong, mate…” Larry snorted.

You rolled your eyes at the two of them. Boys.

You sucked and chewed on the edamame beans, enjoying the salt and the satisfaction of popping the beans out of the pod with your teeth.

“Why’re you eatin’ peas y/n?” Van asked, not looking away from the screen as they’d resumed the game.

“Not peas,” you replied.

You explained what they were, and Van wanted to try. Larry had tried edamame a few times and decided he hated them. When the game was next paused, you told him what to do, reinforcing that you don’t eat the pod. This baffled Van a little, but it was cute and entertaining watching him work out the new food.

You and Larry watched carefully as Van’s face slowly transitioned through a range of responses as he put the pod in his mouth, he popped the beans and chewed.

“Don’t like the texture,” he said once he swallowed.

“Of the beans or the pod?”

“Both. Seems like hard work just for a couple peas.”

“Not peas, but yeah.”

Larry was giggling at Van’s response.

“More for me I guess,” you shrugged.

“Oi. Didn’t say I wasn’t having any more!” Van responded, his voice going all high.

With a laugh you placed the bowl down on your legs and let Van take another bean. He had the same confused and slightly disgusted reaction as last time, but you didn’t say anything because you knew he was doing it for your benefit. The laughter and the distraction were good. And so were the two boys sat either side of you.

You’d face the day tomorrow with a fresh start and knowing that if you got snowed under again, Van and even Larry, would be there armed with shovels to help you dig yourself out.

[eunkimmie]

Sal Fisher Domestic Headcanons

Domestic Headcanons W/ Sal Fisher (and what lead up to it—includes college, proposal, etc)

(under cut because it’s kind of long aha)

REQUESTS ARE OPEN

AU where everyone lives a long and prosperous life because these people deserve happiness, damn it

also mordern!AU because technology

you and Sal had been a couple since sophomore year of high school

you two rarely ever fought and truthfully it was very casual

things took kind of a turn though when you told him you were going to leave Nockfell and pursue college

even though he knew that it was a good thing for you, he couldn't help but feel abandoned

he wasn't thinking as an argument sparked between you two

“So you're just going to leave? Leave me behind?”

“Do you even hear yourself, Sal?! I’m sorry I want a future for myself!”

he just couldn't comprehend you being gone for four years or more

“New York? (Name), you can't handle that!”

you told him that you got a scholarship for New York in Ithaca—Cornell University

“Who the hell are you to tell me what I can or can't handle?!”

eventually the screaming turned into tears as Sal broke down in front of you, clinging onto your shirt

“I didn't fucking mean it, I just...I can't handle not being able to see you every day.”

you told him that he could come with you after the first year and live with you if you got a place to yourself

but...he couldn't leave his father and Larry

he said he’d wait for you, and you promised to wait for him

you two would try and talk to each other every night, but sometimes you were busy

it killed him, honestly

meanwhile Sal was constantly stressed because he had no idea what he was going to do for a living

sometimes he would doubt himself—’Who would hire someone with blue hair and a prosthetic?’

Larry and Ash were both off at Art school

for a while, Sal took to writing

he would publish his frustrations and stresses

eventually, he took to commission

he was making small amounts of money from fans or sponsors, and honestly he was perfectly okay with that

he became a freelance author that rooted from a hobby, occasionally working for small companies who published articles under his name

sometimes during holidays all of his friends would get together and he would feel the rush of adventure he felt in high school

everyone would get together—him, you, Larry, Ash, Todd, Neil, Chug, Maple, Soda, (sometimes Travis would even come), and sometimes Lisa and Henry would join the reunion

uhhh Larry would get shitfaced and it only got worse when he turned 21, so now he was legally able to get shitfaced

you and Sal would talk about your future because at this point he already knew that you were the one he was going to spend his life with

whenever you would leave to go back to Ithaca he would get sad, but you always promised that you would come back

which you did

after you got your degree, you wanted nothing more than to be able to finally spend your days with Sal

everyone in the old group was growing up and getting jobs

because of this, you and Sal decided together to move away from Nockfell to start a life together

there was a going away party for you two and Larry cried

a lot

so did Sal but no one really noticed because he’d just wipe away the tears from his chin since no one could see under his prosthetic

you both moved to New Jersey willingly

even though the state held bad memories for him, he felt like he could make amazing ones with you by his side

you were both making a stable income and rented an apartment for you to share

still, you two made the time to visit Nockfell often

the group would all get together at least once a year to see how everyone was doing

one day you were all sitting at Lake Wendigo and enjoying each others company with everyone there

Sal stood up and said he had something to say

before you could process what was going on, Sal got down on one knee and pulled out a velvet box, revealing an engagement ring that he had been saving up for since your sophomore year of college

it was a rose gold band with an opal gemstone in the middle

“Ah, shit, I didn't think this through, but...”

you practically threw yourself on him while shouting ‘yes’

Larry cried a lot

when you two announced the news to Henry and Lisa they both cried and then Sal started to cry whenever Henry gave him a speech of how proud he was

you two went back to NJ engaged and honestly he felt the need to pinch himself every second because he couldn't believe it

you two had a small wedding with friends and family and it was so unique and cute

Sal never would've thought himself as the domestic type, but he definitely was

you two had been married for three years and you spent those years having fun in-between work

he was still naturally adventurous, so you two found yourself traveling a lot for fun

you were both nearing the ages of 28 whenever you decided that you wanted to start a family

you both bought a house because of this, the both of you making a good income together

Sal was naturally good with children, see Soda, so you two both agreed to try for a baby/register for adoption

finally, you both got a baby boy with bright blue eyes

Sal cried so hard

he was so good with kids honestly

and he was also super protective

he hated to be like this, but he always kept his son away from dogs

he’d be damned if his son had to go through the same things that he did his entire life

Sal didn't wear his prosthetic as much anymore, especially around his son

Henry completely spoiled his grandson and Larry was always the one to spin him around on his shoulders, going perhaps a bit too fast

your son would often play with Todd and Neil’s kid and whenever you two went back to NJ he would always ask when he could see his friend again which melted both of your hearts completely

whenever your son was nearing the age of 4, you had/adopted a pair of twins—a boy and a girl

and with that, the Fisher family was complete

even after being married for years and having three kids, every single day Sal could barely believe that he was able to have a life like this with you

you were his soulmate, and with you by his side he had everything he could ever ask for and more

[saffron-nova21]

Exes: Flashbacks — Bonus Chapter

Please remember, this is just to give the story a bit more depth. You don’t have to read it, it won’t make a difference, either way.

Jokes on You! Masterlist

< Previous • Next >

Warnings: Mentions of abuse, blood, bruises. Mentions of puke, nightmares/PTSD, mentions of abusive partner, and the wholesome boys being the best friends.

As you stood in the threshold of the home, you froze, wide-eyed and feeling pathetic. Though you promised yourself you wouldn’t burden them with your presence for longer than you had to. You just had to get back on your feet.

Then, you’d be out of their hair and they wouldn’t have to deal with you, anymore.

Feeling a hand on your shoulder, your eyes widen and you quickly jerk away, going as far to hit the door frame to get away from the touch. Though, as you look up, you see Akaashi, who looks at you with sad eyes... You poor thing. What had he done to you?

With a quick and quiet apology, you shuffle into the home, missing the glance the two men exchanged. One of pure rage and sadness. Though, with it came a promise that he was going to help you heal. And he wouldn’t stop until you were you again.

...

You’d zoned out as you sat on you bed, Bokuto having moved to your floor to arm-wrestle with Kuroo. Akaashi wasn’t sure what it was, but he knew what you were thinking about. A shared memory, perhaps.

And as his hand comes to rest gently on your shoulder, you blink a bit, before looking at him with a small smile, leaning into his touch as he opens an arm to you, allowing you to lean into his side.

You weren’t completely healed, but you were yourself. And he was so, so proud and happy to have you back with him.

...

Bokuto hadn’t ever felt so angry in his life. But here he was, cradling you to him, in a blanket as the three of you rushed to the hospital.

Your head was bleeding and you were covered in small bruises and cuts. You were shaking and sobbing and clinging to Bokuto like your life depended on it. He was trying to comfort you, trying to quiet your sobs. He knew they were only wearing you out.

His hand comes to pet your hair, stroking it softly and cooing down to you. He’d never forget the way you were finally soothed by his soft, sweet ‘baby owl’ and calming hum. And he’d never forget the image of you, passed out, and bruised in his arms.

With that, he made a promise that he wouldn’t ever let anyone touch you again.

...

Bokuto scoops you into his arms as he watches the way you had zoned out again. Memories, he guessed. Though, he knew what you were thinking about. But luckily now, it seemed like a bad memory. Especially as the image in his head of your exhausted, pained features, were replaced by your giggles as you cling to him.

“I know you’re in love with me, baby owl, but save some of that affection for Tendō, why don’t you?” He teases as he kisses your head.

And no one had hurt his precious baby owl, or even laid a finger on you since that day.

...

It was the first time since your arrival that Kuroo had come to visit. He hadn’t yet seen you — you’d been too shaken up to visit in the hospital. He hadn’t expected for you to act the way you did, though. He didn’t know what he’d been expecting, in completely honestly.

Watching the way you looked at everyone like you were scared to make the wrong move, scared to make anyone upset.

He’d watched the way you dropped something and froze. You hadn’t been able to move a moment, just looking at the rest of them all in terror. He hadn’t even noticed you were shaking, until he took your hands in his own to steady you and to reassure you that it was okay.

He promised himself he never wanted to see you so terrified of them again. He’d make sure that you didn’t ever feel so terrified in your own home ever again.

...

Watching the way you giggled with Bokuto, inevitably kicking something over and knocking something from your desk. Though, rather that dread or concern, they watch as you just grin sheepishly, next being pulled into Kuroo’s arms and away from the breakables.

“You’re so clumsy,” Kuroo teases you, ruffling you’re hair and watching as you lean into the touch with a happy smile, not a bit of fear in your bright eyes.

Because you knew that these people wouldn’t ever hurt you.

...

Lev remembered the nights where he sat by your bedside for when you woke from nightmares. There had been so many nights when you woke up in a cold sweat.

He would sit by your bedside end hold you while you sobbed into his chest, shaking and in a cold sweat. Occasionally curling up in bed with you, do you could both fall asleep.

He’d never forget your wide eyes, terrified before you realized it was him who was watching over you. Him who was brushing away your hair when you began to puke because of your terror. Him who was comforting you in the dead of night.

That was when Lev had promised he would never let you wake from a nightmare, scared and alone.

...

Lev grins as he scoops you away from Kuroo, watching as your face lit up and making his chest swell with pride. He’s quick to hang you upside down by your legs, before tossing you on your bed.

The same one that you slept on every night. The same one that you hadn’t had a nightmare in eight months in, while sleeping. The same one you piled high with stuffed animals from your friends or from occasions with them. To ‘protect you’ from any nightmares.

He’d kept his promise. Because every time you woke from a nightmare, if he wasn’t there, you were calling him and he was coming to lay by your side until you and he fell asleep again. Never again would you sit, scared and alone in the dark.

...

Kenma remembered the day you’d come to his apartment, because he’d invited you to play video games with him. He remembered the way your eyes lit up for the first time since you’d come back from the hospital.

He remembered the way you held the controller, a bit inexperienced, but still bubbling with excitement. He remembered the excitement you held when you started to talk to them.

It had been the first time that your words weren’t laden with ‘sorry’s and hesitance. And he promised that he’d help you get a set up for your own room, so they didn’t ever have to see this excitement leave you.

...

As Kenma watches you glance at your equipment, he knows you’re thinking about the same thing, looking towards him directly after. He gives you a soft smile and opens his arms.

You always jumped at the opportunity to hug Kenma, quite literally jumping off of the bed to walk over to him and tuck yourself into his lap. He always gave some of the best hugs. All of your boys did. And as you hug him, he reminds himself...

You were happy, again. Genuinely happy and out of your shell. And he was so, so proud of you, wrapping his arms around you with a soft smile.

...

And as you looked around at the boys, you can’t help but smile. You had such good friends. And you wouldn’t ever stop letting them know exactly how much each of the dorks meant to you. And as you all reminisce, you glance towards the ‘bucket list’ on your desk. You and the boys all wrote it together, one Valentine’s Day.

(I know my handwriting isn’t good, sorry guys) You don’t have much on your bucket list. Neither do the boys. But, you’ve all decided that when they’re all completed, you’re going to make new ones together.

The boys would do it all again, no questions asked. It was hard at times, but here you were. And they were so happy. Because once they’d gotten you back, you were a light in each of their lives.

Bokuto beat the shit out of Shane for what he did. He ended up in the hospital for a couple of days. But he deserved it, for having put you there in the first place.

I really hope I did those scenes justice 😔 I know it’s not the best but I promise I tried, guys. I hope you’re enjoying, though 💕

You guys better be getting something to eat, drinking some water, and taking care of yourselves mentally and physically. But remember, no matter what, I am here for you, I am proud of you, and you’re doing wonderfully!

Taglist: (Bold couldn’t be tagged, but I’ll keep trying)

@kookie-doughs @missalienqueen @kodzuklutz @halesandy @pelicanpizza @pandauniverse @sevenlol @mixed-bag-of-tricks @satoriluver @uniquepickle @geloikawa @babyshoyo @ilauvcoldpizza @ghoulgirlradio @maer-333 @tobi--o @ermahgerd-larry-and-ziam @ashtounding

[voyeur-in-the-mirror]

Sleepless

Ship(s): Lawrence x Adam Character(s): Lawrence ; Adam Words: 2034 Warning(s): - A/N: I don’t even remember the inspiration for this one I just love it and hope yall do, too

Their divorce could be seen from a mile away.

They would argue, yell, and not speak to each other for hours or perhaps days at a time unless it was needed. The decision for the divorce wasn’t because of that, though; it was because they were impacting Diana negatively. That was obvious.

It came later than it should have, though. It should have just happened like a band-aid ripping from skin, but instead they waited because Alison became truly concerned for his well-being after he lost his foot. She and Diana were there with him every step of the way; from surgery to practicing on his prosthetic, they were there.

Even when he lost his job because he couldn’t get himself to leave the bed.

Even when he became depressed and nearly dysfunctional.

After a long month of this, Alison couldn’t take it anymore. She took Diana to her mothers, telling Lawrence (regrettably) that they just weren’t working out and Diana needed a more stable household.

This was when Lawrence decided to find Adam again.

Adam was back to living alone in his shitty apartment and doing unconventional, immoral camera jobs. Unlike Lawrence, he was back to living his regular life. At least, the best that he could.

When he got the call from Lawrence, he was on his way out to meet a client.

“Adam speaking. Who’s this?”

“Adam, it’s Lawrence.”

Adam froze before he could even open his apartment door. That voice made his heart still and his body felt hot all of a sudden. He kept his cool, though, and drew in a deep breath to compose himself again.

“Yeah? What’s up, man?”

Hesitantly, Lawrence stated that he needed a place to stay, and without a second and much needed though, Adam complied.

“Here’s my address, I’ll be gone when you get here so I’ll leave the door unlocked. Make yourself at home.”

He came back at six in the morning. The sun was rising, allowing him to see the exhausted, sleeping face that belonged to one of the palest men he had ever seen. He stood leaning against the door, observing Lawrence for a moment and noticing the tousled blonde locks, the rings under his eyes, and the lack of a right foot. That made his stomach lurch, acid burning him from the inside, but he shook away the feeling and left for his bedroom.

Lawrence slept until noon which astounded Adam. The doctor woke up to find his new roommate sitting in his recliner, a bag of chips in his lap as he watched NCIS. He groaned, rubbing his eyes as he stood up, and Adam smirked.

“Morning, sleeping beauty. Good to see you’re not dead.”

“Very funny,” Lawrence muttered, taking this as a joke referring to the… incident. It was quite the opposite, just meant to be a pain, but it was what consumed most of Larry’s thoughts. He was actually surprised to see how unaffected Adam was. It was very abnormal, and he didn't have to be a psychologist to see that.

“Don't you have a job to get too?” Adam asked, not realizing how rude he sounded. Lawrence sighed and leaned back against the couch.

“Not since what happened, no.”

“They laid you off?”

“No, I stopped going in.”

Adam couldn’t accumulate a response to this; he definitely didn’t seem like the type of guy to just quit his job, especially with how he talked about it while they were in the bathroom. He was a proud man, it seemed, but he understood. The man was a wreck, and the reason was obvious.

“When did you get back?” Lawrence asked, changing the subject. Adam shrugged and stood up, stretching and groaning as his back popped. He had been sitting without much movement for a while.

“About… six hours ago. Don’t worry, I went to bed when I got home.”

His voice was sarcastic, and Lawrence didn’t quite care, but it made for great conversation. From the kitchen where Adam was fixing an actual ‘meal’, Lawrence was hit with another question.

“When’s the last time you got a good night’s sleep, huh?”

The doctor pondered on this, then shrugged and sighed. “Before what happened.”

“Where’s your wife and kid?”

“You are very inquisitive.”

“I think the cool kids call it ‘nosey’.”

Lawrence chuckled at this, the faintest of smiles coming to him. He was actually enjoying company for once; he usually just wanted to be alone with his thoughts. When Alison would try to talk about what happened or help him with what he was feeling, he would usually say that he was alright and it didn’t need to be talked about. He was never the type to talk about his feeling anyways.

“She’s… leaving me. She and Diana are with her parents.”

“Shit, man, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it, it’s been a long time coming. I’ve been rather difficult to work with lately.”

When no response came, Lawrence pushed himself to a careful stand and slowly made his way to the kitchen. Adam’s eyes were shut as he ate his sandwich, so Lawrence observed him this time. There were dark circles under his eyes, his t-shirt was a mess with stains, and he seemed lankier than the last time he saw him.

“Have you been taking care of yourself?” He asked on impulse. The doctor side of him was finally showing after what felt like forever. Adam opened his eyes and cocked a brow.

“I’m making money, sleeping, and eating. I’d say I’m taking care of myself.”

Lawrence nodded at this, not accepting it but not wanting to argue. He knew he, himself, wasn’t doing any better and was probably worse off so he didn’t have much room to talk. He cared about Adam in a sense, though, because of what happened. He wondered if Adam felt the same.

“Since I’ll be living here,” he started again, suddenly feeling slight uncomfortable, “I’ll contribute to the rent.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Adam said, finally looking at him in the face. Sincerity was there, but Lawrence could see he was trying to put on a tough guy facade, “you’re not doin’ so hot and I make enough with what I do. As long as you don’t trash the place worse than it is and eat all my food, we’ll be good.”

“I don’t know how I could repay you.”

Adam smirked, “Don’t. I don’t need your charity.”

“Lawrence, you’re really starting to worry me.”

At this point, the two had been living together for a week and Lawrence’s condition seemed to be worsening. The two were sitting in the living room at six in the morning, and the only reason for this was because Adam was leaving for another ‘job’ and he noticed that Lawrence was awake for the third six AM in a row. Lawrence remained unresponsive.

“When’s the last time you got any sleep?”

Finally, the doctor spoke, exhaustion apparent in his voice. “Three days ago.”

“Jesus,” Adam sighed, rubbing the tiredness out of his eyes, “you need a therapist.”

“Hmm, how nice of you to say. When was your last night of proper sleep?”

“Don’t turn this around on me, man, at least I’m sleeping.”

“That is, if you’re not waking up screaming or puking in the toilet.”

Adam was silenced by this, and he felt his cheeks heat up some. The walls to the apartment were thin, but he wasn’t aware that Lawrence could hear all of that, especially considering he thought the old man was asleep.

“You’re not doing as well as you seem,” Lawrence pointed out, feeling lucky to get the heat off of himself, “you know you don’t have to pretend around me.”

“You are not a therapist,” Adam said with finality, standing up suddenly and grabbing his camera from the coffee table, “I’ll see you later.”

“You can talk to me,” Lawrence said quickly. Adam froze as he took the handle in his hand and stayed that way for a moment before slumping his shoulders and rubbing his face again.

“Lawrence, I think I’m good in that department. Seriously.”

“You’ve screamed for me to come back in your sleep, and we haven’t seen each other since. Am I why you’re pretending you’re fine?”

“No,” Adam said quickly, turning back on his heel. He seemed irritated, now. “If you need to know, it’s because it was fuckin’ traumatizing. It’s not about you, it’s about me. If anything, you being here is helping me. Does that satisfy you? Now what about you, huh? You haven’t been sleeping or eating, what’s the deal with that?”

Lawrence, shocked, stayed quiet. The only sound for the next few seconds was Adam’s hard breathing, then he spoke again, softer.

“Fine. Let’s talk about it.”

He walked back over to the couch now, but this time his legs felt much more weak. Keeping his eyes down, he did his best to ignore Lawrence’s prosthetic. Seeing it only made him feel guilty, but of course he kept this to himself. They sat in silence for a moment until Lawrence started.

“I can’t stop thinking about it.”

“... Neither can I.”

“How are you able to pretend so well that nothing happened?”

Adam almost grinned at this as he took pride in that ability, but decided not too as they were talking about something sensitive and serious. He definitely wasn’t happy. “I have too. I lived by myself, and if I just stayed in bed all day and did nothing, I’d be kicked out and starving. I’ve lived that life, and I don’t want to go back. I just have to deal with it. And what about you?” He asked, looking into Lawrence’s steely eyes, “You don’t even try to be okay.”

“I’ve lost everything. My wife, my daughter, my job-”

“Your foot,” Adam added, almost inaudible. Lawrence nodded, wincing.

“And what I had to do to get you out is unspeakable. I simply don’t have the energy to pretend, and I can’t sleep because of all of this. But… you help.”

“Oh yeah?” Adam asked, leaning back against the couch and folding his arm. His facade was trying to return. “How do I do that?”

“Because I know you’re okay. Your shoulder and ankle have healed and you’re still alive. Not hearing from you after getting out… It bothered me tremendously.”

“Really?” Adam asked, feeling his heart pang. Lawrence nodded and sighed deeply, letting himself relax finally.

“At first it was because I was worried for your physical condition, then I wondered how you were, and…” He sighed, “I thought of you often. The look on your face when I came back was unforgettable.”

Mentioning this, the two fell quiet to reminisce. When Adam was rescued, it was about a week or maybe two since Lawrence had left him alone. The door had opened, spilling in light that burned Adam’s eyes and gave him anxiety. He was nearly passed out, too weak to stand or really move except for turning his head and closing his eyes. His heart rate skyrocketed as the man drew closer to him and he froze when, finally, the chain around his ankle was unlocked.

“Everyone is asleep or gone, we have ten minutes, I’m taking you to the hospital.”

Suddenly, Adam gasped. Lawrence’s words were so damn haunting it sent him shivering. Lawrence looked at him worriedly, but he shook his head and swallowed thickly.

“I didn’t think you were coming back… I thought you forgot.”

“I had too,” Lawrence said, his voice straining, “you were all I could think about. Every day, I regretted leaving you. I promised I would.”

Adam nodded and exhaled a shaky breath. Then suddenly, the two were in holding each other in a tight, very needed and caring hug. They were trembling, trying to relieve each other’s pain, but no tears came. They both felt too ‘manly’ for that.

But they both finally found a sense of home.

“Get some sleep,” Adam said as the hug broke. Lawrence nodded and he stood to allow him to lay down, but before he left the apartment he said, “I’ll bring us back something to eat,” and Lawrence, sleepily, agreed.

[blackcur-rants]

Night Singing

Dedicated to grownups-are-the-real-monsters "When you walk away! You don't hear me say! Please, oh baby, don't go! Simple and Clean is the way That you're making me feel tonight It's hard to let it go". Stuart George Redman did not expect to be awoken in the middle of the goshdarn night by the sound of his crush belting out some pre-apocalyptic pop song to the high heavens. They were almost at Hemingford Home now, having just passed some town that seemed to be more cornfields than houses and didn't seem to have a population over the age of eighteen. Joe had fallen asleep next to Lucy and Fran, Tom Cullen and Nick Andros were off scouting ahead for resources with Susan and Dayna, Glen Bateman was burying his head in some novel about a Victorian love triangle (Glendon Pequod Bateman was the last person Stu would ever suspect of being a Paul Sheldon fan), Judge Ferris was maintaining their campfire, Nadine was sleeping sound for the first time in days, and Harold was off somewhere else because of an incident where he had gotten drunk on old beers while they were resting in a decaying old bar and proceeded to vomit all over Stu's clothes. And Lawson Jonathan Underwood was off singing. Loudly. And badly. Stu walked carefully up behind Larry and said "You know, it's a good thing Nick is deaf, cause otherwise he would downvote your song faster than you can say 'Simon Cowell'". Larry turned around and sighed. "It's not actually my song, Stu. It's from a video game called 'Kingdom Hearts'". "I've heard of it" Stu said, "Is that the one where you play as some kind of Old West gunslinger?" " No, Stu" Larry responded, "It's a crossover between Disney and Final Fantasy. Used to play those games all the time before what happened...happened". "Never played games as a kid" Stu said, "My mom could barely afford to keep our house, let alone buy us electronic playthings". "You missed out Stu my man" Larry said, "Man you missed out". "I guessed as much" Stu said, weeping a little at the thought of a world gone forever. Larry Underwood wrapped his arm around Stu Redman's broad back and tried to wipe away his future husband's tears. "Look Stu, I can't pretend everything's gonna be fine. I'd be legitimately surprised if there are more than like 2,000,000 folks left in the whole of America, and I'd be lying if I said the nightmares don't upset and horrify me just like they upset and horrify everyone else. However, I still hope everything will be okay in the end. Maybe we'll all become folk heroes to our descendants, like King Arthur or Wyatt Earp". "Sometimes, Larry, I wonder if we'll even make it through the next winter". "If our ancestors could survive with little more than spears and skins, Stuart my love, I think we can survive once we have a community". "To be fair, Lin-Manuel Springsteen" Stu responded, "Most of our Paleolithic ancestors wore far more clothing than your son". Larry burst out laughing and holding his head in his hands, the sounds of his mirth echoing through the wastelands around them. "Glad I made you laugh, Law" Stu said. "It wasn't just your joke, Stuart" Larry replied, "I also thought of something else. Before Captain Trips went down, there were all these ridiculous people who went around claiming vaccines caused their children to become autistic and thus they were willing to let their own freaking kids die rather than 'risk' them becoming neurodivergent. And now most of those dumbasses are deader than the dinosaurs while our little family of neurodivergent people survived and are set to build a new society out west". Stu thought about Larry's comments for a while and realised that over half of their group (Stu himself, Nick, Tom, Glen, Fran, Joe, possibly Lucy and/or Nadine) were somewhere on the Autism Spectrum (Stu had never been able to tell the difference between Asperger's and regular Autism) while Larry himself had talked earlier about his experiences with ADHD and how his mentor Rich Tozier had taught him to deal with it when he was a teenager in California. (The rebuilding of civilisation has fallen to the freaks and outcasts of the old world) All around Stu and Larry, the wind howled its mournful song and the coyotes sang their hymns to their beloved moon. The air was growing cold now, and soon it would be time for the travellers to get their rest before continuing inwards step by step and mile by mile to Boulder, Colorado. Stu and Larry walked together back to the spot where Stu had been sleeping before Larry awoke him and lay down together in the cool night air and upon the dusty ground. "You know Stu, I kinda came to hate 'Baby can you dig your man' over time. I'm proud of making it and I'm glad it caught on, but after a while it became the only thing people wanted to hear from me. Anytime I tried to do something more experimental or risky, the crowds would not let me do it until I'd sang that goddamn song. I'm kinda glad I no longer have to put up with those fans anymore". Stu chuckled at this comment. It made him remember why he had never cared for interacting with other people back in Arnette. "Good night, Law" Stu said. "Good night, Stuart" Larry replied as they fell asleep together, him and Stu holding hands as tight as they could.