bi-butches-and-bi-femmes - Tumblr blog

[bi-butches-and-bi-femmes]

Shout-out to butch bisexuals. Thank you for existing. I love yall

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[bi-butches-and-bi-femmes]

Shout-out to fat bi butches and fat bi femmes <3 you are so cool and so loved <3

[bi-butches-and-bi-femmes]

hi there! fellow bi person here! i've seen your post about "butch" and "femme" *not* actually being lesbian-exclusive and i am really interested in learning more about this history. i don't know where to start though, so do you mind sharing links or giving pointers as what to search for? thanks so much in advance!

Hi! Of course! <3

Butch and femme identities come from a time where lesbian meant sapphic. Lesbian was an umbrella term back then as we didn't have the word bisexual used for people like us. If you liked women, you were a lesbian, didn't matter if you *exclusively* liked women or not. So, all sapphics used them and identified with them. Bisexuals were right beside lesbians building the butch and femme culture. Even after the word bisexual began being used, bisexual butches and femmes existed.

Here are some excerpts from historical queer books and videos. 1 2 3 (These books could be a good start)

Those identities are not even limited to only queer women. Even queer men use butch and femme.

From a New York Times article on butch existence by Kerry Manders, a butch writer, editor & photographer.

Selections from queer zines 'femmes unite!' (2007) and 'mutate' (1999)

The Butch Manual

I hope these help!

[bi-butches-and-bi-femmes]

“Bi-Femme: On Being a Traitor and/or a Revolutionary.” by Leah Lilith Albrecht-Samarasinha

Anything That Moves, Fall 1996. Issue 12, pp. 37-39

(google drive link to scan of print.) courtesy of @anythingthatmovesarchive​

(TW for: NSFW, d slur, f slur, q slur, LGBTphobia, nazi mention, racism, misogyny)

“My mama is a very smart woman. When I was 12 years old and I told her I was bisexual, all she said was, “Fine. As long as they don’t look like truck drivers.” I don’t mean that she was smart because she didn’t want me to date butch girls. She was smart because I think she knew that I was going to do it anyway. I was going to grow up to be a femme. “

Keep reading

[bi-butches-and-bi-femmes]

“The term “bisexual” wasn’t in wide usage either as a concept of fluid sexuality (Lapovsky Kennedy and Davis, Boots of Leather, Slippers of Gold). The truth is, many women in the lesbian community of the 1940s and 50s also had relationships with men at some point in their lives, whether by desire, economic need, or other circumstances (Lapovsky Kennedy and Davis, Boots of Leather, Slippers of Gold). Some of these women were what we would today call lesbians, and some were bisexual. There is plenty of evidence for this in the historical research of Lapovsky Kennedy and Davis.” — ”In an interview with iconic Black femme author Jewelle Gomez, Heather Findlay, mirroring Arlette’s confusion with double standards for studs and fems, says, “I know tons of butches who have slept with guys, and for some reason there’s not some big stigma attached to that. That doesn’t threaten their membership in the lesbian community, but with us it does” (150). These accounts of both studs/butches and fems having bisexual attractions and also being prominent members of the community indicates that bisexual women were, in fact, part of the lesbian community of the 1940s and 50s.”

The Evolution of Femme

[bi-butches-and-bi-femmes]

Too Butch to Be Bi (or You Can't Judge a Boy by Her Lover)

by Robin Sweeney

"It wasn't difficult for me to come out as a lesbian. In fact, most people I knew in high school assumed I was gay long before I started grappling with my own identity. I have, as one lover told me, “the face.” When I asked her what she meant, she said that I just looked like a dyke. And it's true. Even in pictures of me at four or five, I look like a little dyke. No one has ever been surprised to find out I was queer.

I ran into pretty standard teenage homophobia - my own internalized version and from others - but I was fortunate to grow up in a Southern California town with a surprising number of openly gay and bisexual adults and teenagers. While Aaron Fricke was making headlines taking another boy to his prom, the administrator in charge of student social events at my high school made it quietly known that same-sex couples were allowed to attend the prom together. 

Even though I fit the stereotypes and images of what a lesbian was supposed to be, it wasn't always a comfortable identity for me. I was sexual with men - and liked it -  and that fact was a problem for a lot of women and men I met in the lesbian and gay community. It was a problem for me, too. I didn't know how to come to terms with being bisexual and still maintain my butch identity and connection to the gay community.

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Sexual minority communities do a lousy job of confronting our assumptions about ourselves and each other. We hold onto the same notions about difference that the dominant, heterosexist culture teaches us and apply these to our own queer communities. Most of the time this doesn't work, and nowhere is this more true than in our assumptions about appearance, gender, and sexual identity. 

I am a butch bisexual woman whose romantic and sexual partners are primarily other butch women, with some notable exceptions. Frequently, I like to appear as masculine as I can, often passing for male on the street. I like to keep my hair short. I'd rather wear jeans and boots than anything else. Sometimes I pack when I go out, putting my dildo in my pants and wearing my dick out of the house. (No, people don't really notice that often. And the ones who do notice are the ones I'm probably trying to attract.)

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But being a butch woman who is also bisexual can be difficult. It feels sometimes that the the idea is so challenging - since the assumptions in our communities are that all butch women are lesbian women and all femme women are bisexual women - that often a butch woman trying to come to terms with being bisexual is stuck.

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But once we find a community that is accepting of our same-sex interests, we run into an entirely different series of messages. A number of these are about appearances and what they are supposed to say about who we are. The ideas about femmes (femme women aren't really interested in other women, and femme men aren't really interested in women at all) and butches (butches are always the aggressors in sex, whether they are men or women) permeate our queer culture. These ideas make it difficult for us to explore who we are and who we want to be. Many people feel too threatened to challenge the status quo of an already fringe community, for fear of being outcast from the one place where they have struggled to belong."

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Bisexual Politics edited by Naomi Tucker, 1995.

[bi-butches-and-bi-femmes]

When people say they are exclusive to lesbians, I wanna ask them what's their source? Their confidence is almost funny when they don't have anything to back their claim. All they know is being wrong and tell us WE are wrong when we have sources and historical documents to back our claims

Butch and femme are not lesbian exclusive. The double venus is also not lesbian exclusive. They belong to bisexuals too. Historically they always have. We are going to use them all we want. Seethe more, you biphobic fucks

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[bi-butches-and-bi-femmes]

good morning to bisexuals with a complex relationship to gender

good morning to she/her bi men and he/him bi women

good morning to nonbinary bisexuals who use binary pronouns

good morning to bisexuals who use neopronouns

good morning to bisexuals who are butch

good morning to bisexuals whose trans and/or gender queer identity is connected to their bisexuality

good morning to bisexuals whose gender is bisexual

bisexuals have just as complex of a relationship to gender as queer people of all sexualities!

[bi-butches-and-bi-femmes]

i think a big part of the (misinformed and blatantly incorrect) idea that butch bi women basically dont exist and its predominantly bi women identifying as femmes just comes down to the fact that people see gnc people and decide their sexuality for them.

its people deciding butch bi women are just lesbians, people deciding femme bi women are just straight. they do it to bi men too, too femme and youre actually gay, too masc and youre actually straight. bisexuals are erased from their own spaces and history no matter what we do, how we dress or who we love.

the amount of times people have told me they assumed i was a lesbian based on my (usually relatively boyish) presentation is insane, not because it offends me that people would think i was a lesbian, but theyre always almost affronted by the idea that a bi woman would look like me, that i would ever like a man, that men could ever like me in a way that isnt in some kind of fetishistic context. the amount of times ive gotten a "mhm. i dunno i dont see it" or straight up been accused of lying or being closeted just because i said i was bisexual, not straight, not denying my sga in any way but simply asserting that i do indeed still like men, is INSANE.

all because i act more masculine than the average caricature of gender non conforming cishet women (which is a whole other discussion) and take up space, because i dress and carry myself a specific way. its fucking absurd. like theres nothing wrong with assuming im into women - i am, but because of my masculinity im stripped of my own sexuality not just by oppressors (cishets) but even my own community.

its kind of fucking miserable that butch bi women are constantly denied either their sexuality, or their butchness. femme wlw are more likely to dodge a more specific assumption (very obviously not straight but still feminine? could be a lesbian, could be bi, who's to say?) but ive found butch bi women are constantly pushed out of the conversation, people are accepting that bi femmes DO exist but virtually everything ive seen regarding butch wlw has been so exclusive of bisexual women, and we DO see it, and we ARE hurt by it.

its just another form of bimisogyny and one that goes especially unchecked, even now, and i cannot fucking stand it.

[bi-butches-and-bi-femmes]

“butch is a lesbian only term” and what are you going to do about it. whine on twitter. snivel that those evil bisexuals are stealing your pure and man-free (lol) historical labels and aesthetics. tell your lesbian only discord to run a blockchain. grow up.

[bi-butches-and-bi-femmes]

I’m so proud of bisexual butches and femmes. Being butch or femme and claiming and owning those identities can be a brave act in its own right. But.

The bisexuals that have refused to let their own history and community be torn away from them? The bisexuals that have found a home in these identities without letting biphobia and people with ahistorical notions of what being bisexual even is deter them? The bisexuals that reject the notion that they’re tainted? That reject the idea that they are available to men or live to serve men in any way?

THAT is bravery. I love you.

[bi-butches-and-bi-femmes]

i really do think that bi women need to stop trying to explain themselves to biphobic misogynists, they're going to find a problem with you no matter what you do. girls, you don't owe them shit

you don't owe them an explanation for why you're attracted to multiple genders. you don't owe them an explanation for why you're dating anyone of any gender. you don't owe them an explanation for why you rejected someone of a gender you experience attraction to. you don't owe them an explanation for why you've never actually dated anyone of a gender you experience attraction to. you don't owe them an explanation for why you might call yourself a butch or femme. you don't have to wish you weren't attracted to [insert gender] just to please biphobes. you don't have to "pick a side" just to please biphobes.

and most importantly, you are allowed to tell biphobic misogynists to fuck off. you are allowed to be mean to them. you are allowed to say that you won't change for them.

[bi-butches-and-bi-femmes]

hey I saw the bi woman using butch/femme post you reblogged and I just wanted to let you know that bi woman can't use butch/femme. Butch/femme is more than a label, it's part of lesbian culture. An aspect of it is being yourself and dressing and acting how you like But Not For Men, only for other lesbians. It's all about the complete exclusion of men. If bi woman are attracted to men, how can they be part of this culture?

Butch and femme identities have existed since a time when differentiating between lesbians and bi women wouldn't have been as crucial and common as simply making it known you were a woman interested in other women.

They are not part of a lesbian culture. They're part of the culture of women who love women.

That is our link and our solidarity. That we are women who love women. Cis women, trans women, lesbians, bi women, pan women, we are all unitied in our love and in our struggle.

When queer bars and groups faced violence and oppression in the past, do you think police and homophobes stopped and said "all the bisexual women here may leave. We'll only assault the lesbians." Do you think that'd happen now?

Get a grip. Bi and lesbian history is intrinsically and irrevocably intertwined.

On a personal note, the bi community is precious to me because I identified as bi for years before I realized I'm a lesbian, and my bi community supported me every step of the way and celebrated me when I came out as a lesbian. I don't identify as bi anymore of course, but that identity was an important stepping stone that will always be a part of me. Many others have gone through the same journey. Others start out identifying as lesbians, then realize they're bi. Do their butch or femme identities suddenly disappear? Does some lisence get revoked?

For reasons like this, the bi and lesbian communities are again, linked on a fundamental level that can't be separated.

I appreciate and understand that you see butch and femme as identities which exist to deny the involvement of men.

However, for me, these identities exist to focus on the involvement of women.

That includes bi women.

You're so focused on a bisexual woman's attraction to men that you forget her love for women.

You need to learn your own history.

[bi-butches-and-bi-femmes]