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vvivacious101 · 2 years ago

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My Reactions to S&B S1E1&2

So, I recently started the Netflix Original Series - Shadow & Bone and I have a lot of thoughts.

I was really surprised by just how quickly the Crows are introduced because within ten minutes of the first episode, we have been introduced to all the characters on that poster and that was unexpected. While I knew the Crows featured in the show I wasn't expecting their involvement to be this intensive. But, I totally get it!

As it stands 'Six of Crows' is probably the most popular book in the Grishaverse and 'The Crows' are everybody's favourites including mine. So, it's good. There are little details here and there which depending on how the show progresses could be issues but otherwise, so far I'm happy with the amount of screen time Jesper, Inej and Kaz are getting.

Also, the whole kidnap Alina from the Little Palace plotline is very reminiscent of the Ice Court Heist.

Now, let's get to Shadow and Bone and why I had to stop watching the show midway through episode two - 'We're All Someone's Monster'. (The title of this episode is lifted straight from Matthias in Six of Crows.) There are some things that have changed but to discuss them properly let's get started with episode 1 - 'A Searing Burst of Light'.

There are two scenes in Shadow and Bone (the book) that are pivotal. The first is the very first scene in the book, the day Mal and Alina get tested. This single scene is an idea that is brought up again and again in the book, it is literally the fulcrum of Alina's relationship with Mal and her abilities. The scene is essential to their relationship and what it means to Alina. As the books are written from Alina's POV it is very easy to say this with absolute certainty.

The second is Mal's re-introduction - Mal and Alina grew up together. They are orphans that see each other as family. In Mal and Alina's orphanage, none of the children play with Alina as she is significantly younger than the others. So, when Mal comes to stay at the orphanage it is the very first time she has someone her own age around and they quickly become inseparable.

When the book starts, Alina is walking down the road when the Darkling's carriage comes hurtling down the path. Mal is the one who quickly gets her out of the way of the hurtling carriage and that's it. In one simple scene, you have been given a snapshot of the events of the book. I really like this scene and it is pivotal but I feel that its importance is debatable. Some people might not want such an on-the-nose introduction but I absolutely love the scene and would have absolutely loved to see it included.

There is the pervasiveness in the book that Mal is liked and Alina is not, some of that is understood to be because Alina is close to Mal and most girls want to be close to Mal, so they are jealous of Alina. But it's something that is very present and I like how changing her race betters the pervasiveness of that idea. The Ravkans are at war with the Fjerdans in the North and the Shu Han in the South. Making Alina half-Shu means that the dislike for her has a real-life parallel that is extremely relatable and I love the fact that it adds a depth to Alina's character which is most welcome.

The reveal of her powers is so badly done both times it's happened so far. I have always understood that her powers are like daylight, so it isn't just a searing burst of light but like having a pocket of what looks to be daylight surrounded by the dark. It also seems to be implied that her light kills the Volcra which is again patently wrong and something that makes Alina more powerful, I don't know how the story will tackle this change.

While I was ambivalent about the power reveal in the fold I was absolutely horrified by the reveal in the tent. Am I supposed to believe Alina just bleeds light, what the hell is that supposed to be???

Also, this power reveal is the time when it becomes clear that this show is apparently going to take the angle that Alina was never tested and that had me raging mad. I literally had to stop watching.

Because why would you do that? The testing is absolutely essential to how Alina understands her relationship with Mal. How can you change that? I am not optimistic about Mal and Alina in this show because it seems to be that the show creators want to base Alina's love for Mal in the now and completely erase just how long she has loved Mal.

Because Alina loves Mal, you can't doubt that with how the show begins wherein Alina burns confidential maps so that at least one cartographer will have to be on the skiff making the crossing, because that is how much she doesn't want to be separated with Mal but again that's nothing compared to suppressing a part of yourself for years having to put up with diminished energy just so that they won't be separated. Also, they are probably trying to parallel Mal volunteering for his own reckless mission that will probably show up later in the show. Alina's actions are very reckless because she dooms all the cartographers which kind of taints her actions. I'm not happy.

#shadow and bone #six of crows #mal #alina #malyen oretsev #alina starkov #malina #a searing burst of light #we're all someone's monster

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santacarlatourism · 2 years ago

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this is a lost boys novelization appreciation post

(+inferences and headcanons i’ve made based on the book)

I know the fandom tends to really love the prequel script. And maybe it’s less well-loved in part because it’s less accessible, but I’ve always been more drawn to the novelization. And ofc neither are canon, but there’s a lot that I love about it and draw on in how I write for the movie. I think the novelization really fleshes all the characters out more, in part because it incorporates the movie’s deleted scenes.

Star is fleshed out + we learn more about why the boys seem so standoffish with her

Star is fleshed out so much more than she is in the movie, and so is her relationship with the Lost Boys. Since she’s a POV character we get to see more of her thoughts and feelings and why she reacts the way she does. In the process, we learn more about the boys’ personalities.

We’re told that Star had run away from home and was unhoused, sleeping on the beach, until David decided to take her in. Presumably he turned her shortly after. IIRC it doesn’t specify if she knew what she was drinking and what would happen to her, or if she was tricked into it similar to Michael.

Because the Lost Boys were there for her and took her in, giving her a home and family when she had none, the book provides motivation for a lot of her choices in the movie. It describes how much she looked up to David earlier on into their friendship and the escapism from her pain that joining the Lost Boys provided her.

She doesn’t really fight against them and continues to stay with them in the hotel because she doesn’t feel that she has anywhere else to go, and also because even if they are bloodthirsty killers she feels a sense of loyalty to them because of all they’ve done for her.

Because David took her in and turned her, the book also provides potential reasoning as to why he treats her so stand offishly during the events of the film He took her in, gave her a home, a family when she had none, and now she’s rejecting it and is horrified by what they’ve turned her into. And in the actual movie David points out to Michael that he tried to make him immortal, and David doesn’t understand why Michael would reject that.

In fact, the novelization opens up the possibility that in the same way that David used Star to keep Michael coming around and get him into the gang, that he was using Michael for the same purposes to keep Star stuck in the Lost Boys:

I’ve always felt like the way the movie portrays David’s motive is jumbled. Like, how much did David want to turn Michael and have the idea himself, versus how much was he following Max’s instructions? Had he actually planned on Michael being Star’s first kill?

And I think that Star’s internal monologue here opens up the possibility that David wanted both Star and Michael in the gang, and realized he could play on their feelings for each other to further that goal. This is a reading that I think can fit in well with the idea of David, Star, and Michael all being attracted to each other, if you choose to read their relationship that way. A lot of people assume Laddie was turned to keep Star in the gang, but I think there is a possibility that that was more so what David had in mind with Michael.

So in all likelihood, taking the novelization into account, David’s treatment of Star likely stems from frustration that she isn’t coming around, feeling insulted by this, and has some genuine concern that she could actually make a go at trying to leave the gang.

Laddie + New Vampire Lore

The book does develop Laddie a bit further. It’s not a lot but in the process some really neat lore about vampirism is introduced?

The implication of “you’re not like the others” because of these memories implies that the other boys don’t remember their lives before joining the Lost Boys. This was hinted at earlier in the novelization, where one of the hotel scenes was expanded on:

While this could just be interpreted as them fucking with Michael as they are prone to do because it is shockingly easy, there’s also the potential reading that they’re joking about it and dancing around it in part because they don’t remember their actual parents. It’s likely they don’t allude to Max either because his status as the head vampire is a secret or simply because it’s not like they’re actually about to let him parent them anyways, lmao.

While the novelization gives us this image of Laddie’s family, it never tells us for sure how he came to be separated from them, or why. The novelization implies pretty consistently that regardless of the cause most people who are recruited into the Lost Boys felt lost or alone, and it’s very likely Laddie was in a similar situation.

Regardless, there is the implication that the Lost Boys might not actually even remember their old human lives. Since Star’s only been turned for roughly a month at this point and Laddie for presumably even less time and their memories are already fading, the novel seems to be implying that this memory loss is a result of vampirism more so than age and time.

The boys were turned differently than in the prequel script

In the novelization Star’s internal monologue explicitly states that Paul was turned more recently than the others. This is contrary to the prequel script, which has all four of the core boys being turned at the same time, and having been friends from their human lives.

In the novelization, Paul is described as being the newest Lost Boy before Star, and so this is probably where the novelization contradicts the prequel script the most. The novelization makes a point of saying that Paul remembers better than the others what it’s like to be lonely, reinforcing the idea that maybe all of the Lost Boys were lost and alone at one point, which of course makes the name fitting. Paul is described as the goofy, playful one (with Marko being cast as “mysterious” and Dwayne as being a little awkward).

All though Star admires and respects David in a way, Paul seems to be the one she has the most friendship with and they seem to have a playful, teasing relationship with one another.

I like the idea that they weren’t all turned at the same time, because it creates a different dynamic. They’re not just four long-time eternal best friends who have known each other since the early 1900s, plus the three specific people they just decide to turn in 1987. They’ve become a cohesive group slowly, over time, and are comprised of lonely people who didn’t want to be lonely anymore.

#post: hcs #by santacarlatourism

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heyjude19-writing · 3 years ago

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Hey there! I was rereading remain nameless when I realized you've done something that no other author has done (that I have seen). I have been reading dramione now since 2016 and trust me I've read a lot of fic. You are the first author that I've seen that has hermione start a muggleborn foundation for first year students. It's usually that she's in the ministry with the magical creatures department which is totally fine, nothing wrong with that. But starting the muggleborn program just..makes sense. It's totally something she would do along with the creature work. And like you say in the fic, it's something that's totally needed and beyond past due. Like imagine at 11 years old you and your family's world get turned upside down and you're expected on Sept 1 to adapt to this new culture. Like..no. no way in hell. Especially for the parents too like wtf. Comparing it to muggle university sealed the deal for me. Like that's the whole point of orientation and family programs for first year college students! So I guess I'm trying to say is thanks for writing this awesome program (and this awesome fic too)! I totally wish to see a canon where this is implemented with hermione turning the wizarding world in the right direction.

Hey anon!

Thank you so much. Part of the reason RN is so long is because I couldn’t leave well enough alone when it came to canon things I wanted to fix. The muggleborn experience being a major one. I just cannot imagine how difficult that must be. Let’s take Hermione’s experience first. She has two (seemingly) involved, supportive parents, both dentists and no other siblings. They’ve got to come to terms with her being magical and then be all right with shipping her off to Scotland for most of the year, to a school they have never seen, to a world they can barely comprehend. I just cannot wrap my brain around muggle parents being okay with this? Before they even get to that point of acceptance, they’ve got to go on this bonkers shopping expedition, starting with Gringotts and just… figure it out on their own?

A family like Hermione’s is going to have a difficult enough time with it. Now what about other muggleborn children like Dean Thomas? From what little we’re given of him, we know he’s the only magical person in his family (from DH it seems he has a mother and sisters, all non-magical). A magical child of a single muggle parent with muggle siblings in tow? That’s going to be a nightmare. And I think of the Creeveys too, their dad’s a milkman and according to Colin (from CoS): “It's amazing here, isn't it? I never knew all the odd stuff I could do was magic till I got the letter from Hogwarts."

I think Hermione would be horrified at how ill-prepared these children and families are to enter the magical world. And so her program is my attempt to have some sort of orientation to magic prior to September 1.

I actually cut a scene when I was writing RN where Hermione tells Draco about her time spent Petrified in their Second Year. But I got too bogged down in the logistics of her parents trying to visit the school and how would they get there and how they’re informed their daughter is basically comatose and yeah, I think the story was long enough. Readers got the point, it makes no sense for Hogwarts, a school that has been around for a thousand years, to not have some sort of informational outreach procedure for muggleborn children/families. Like you can’t tell me there isn’t a Muggle equivalent of Lucius Malfoy trying to storm up to the school every other day over hippogriffs or potions accidents. Obviously with the books being from Harry’s POV we’re limited to how many other characters’ lives we can see, but the lack of time given to Hermione’s family life is such a gaping hole for me.

Thanks for reading and for the ask!

#remain nameless #dramione #muggle stuff #harry potter thoughts

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spockandawe · 4 years ago

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I probably want to articulate some more thorough thoughts once I’m done rereading svsss, but I definitely think that the emotional thread that draws me the hardest into the book is like... Luo Binghe keeps hurting Shen Qingqiu, or being semi-responsible for the ways Shen Qingqiu gets hurt. It starts as early as their field trip to find the Skinner, where Ning Yingying gets captured while Luo Binghe was supposed to be looking out for her, and it results in Shen Qingqiu getting knocked out and stripped and tied up and almost skinned.

And it continues with moments like Shen Qingqiu being poisoned by Without A Cure, or Shen Qingqiu jumping in front of Binghe’s attack in his dream realm, rather than letting Binghe inadvertently damage his own mind. And of course, there’s a lot happening on Shen Qingqiu’s side too, where both for story-ordained reasons and personal-strategizing reasons, he puts Luo Binghe in danger or lets him get hurt, and he will eventually be responsible for throwing Luo Binghe into the Abyss, but Binghe doesn’t know that.

And what really, really draws me in is the escalation of guilt and grief on Luo Binghe’s part over time, especially when it eventually means that Shen Qingqiu dies.... because of him. Was it voluntary/deliberate on Shen Qingqiu’s part? Sure. Is it still perfectly crafted for Luo Binghe to blame himself? Oh my goodness, yes. I live for the ways he lashes out and acts poorly after the Abyss, but I absolutely adore the way things go after the five year timeskip, where he’s at his lowest emotional point, and has been stewing in a mixture of grief/guilt and bitterness/resentment without being able to speak to Shen Qingqiu to resolve any of those issue.

Because! By the time we get to the climactic scene, with its deliberately-terrible sex scene, Luo Binghe sees that he’s hurt Shen Qingqiu, again, and in such a way-- And it’s crushing! It’s awful! Shen Qingqiu is thinking ‘oh my god, i’m the one who just dealt with this, can’t I be the one to start crying???’ which, super fair. But the whole middle of the story has been about how these two are not naturals at clear communication, and it makes such a perfect point for Luo Binghe’s emotions to go.

As far as he’s concerned, Shen Qingqiu is the most important person in the entire world to him, the only person in the world who really matters-- And Luo Binghe is apparently completely incapable of not-hurting him. The times when he’s failed to protect Shen Qingqiu are bad enough, but since he was a child, he’s watched Shen Qingqiu get hurt because of him, or even worse, by him, and even now, he’s looking at what he just did to Shen Qingqiu, what should have been an intimate, tender act, where instead Shen Qingqiu is... more dazed and bleeding, and also dying just a little bit. And Shen Qingqiu again chose to let this happen, he knew what he was getting into, but that doesn’t make it any less devastating for Luo Binghe when he thinks, I did this to Shizun.

There’s something about that scene that I just can’t get enough of. The dull, miserable unhappiness that Luo Binghe brings into the early part of the scene is wonderful, especially since he’s made a really serious effort to express that this has been a long-building breakdown about how nobody, ever, is willing to choose him. But then, after it’s all said and done, and he sees what he’s done to Shen Qingqiu, no matter how consensual it was, it’s even worse. He’s panicking, he’s horrified, he asks Shen Qingqiu why he didn’t just kill him.

It’s all so compelling to me! I can’t think of many relationships I’ve read that have that particular panicked, unhappy edge to them, especially ones that do wind up happy in the end. All of the mxtx romances have a very different flavor to them, and I think her writing advances in leaps and bounds between her first book and her third. But there’s just something about this that always, always gets me so good. I can see that the book is weaker in ways that her later books aren’t, but I still love it so very much. The leads of her other books have their own deep emotions and moments of intense unhappiness, of course, but there’s something about Luo Binghe’s emotions, and how strongly they come through even when he’s not the pov character, that I just... I love him, your honor

#svsss #bingqiu #luo binghe #shen qingqiu

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smaidjor · 3 years ago

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and i pay for my place by the ring (Chapter 1)

Hey guys! Welcome to another angsty fic by yours truly, provider of flower husbands pain.

Some things you should know before you jump into this:

1. This is a companion fic to my fic "i know they're losing". You can understand it without having read the other one, since it's the same story from two different POVs but I think the overall experience is better with both!

2. The overall title of each fic is from the mitski song I bet on losing dogs. Chapter titles are from the Last Goodbye from the Hobbit films.

3. There is a lot of lord of the rings lore in both fics, and I mean a lot. You may be kinda confused if you've never read tolkien's works. It will all be explained eventually, though!

4. With the fact that it's a companion fic and a lot of people came here from Jimmy's POV in mind- this is a lot heavier of a fic. The content warnings are heavier and the angst is more intense. You have been warned.

(Obligatory disclaimer that this is about characters, not ccs, and do not ship real people, as always!)

Chapter Title: to these memories i will hold

Chapter Wordcount: 4000

Content warnings: suicidal thoughts, self-esteem issues, panic attacks, past death, very frank discussion of death. (In general, if suicide or death are triggering topics for you, this is probably not the fic for you. Stay safe and take care of yourself!)

AO3

Actual fic under the cut:

Scott didn’t expect to survive 3rd life. No one did, he thinks, but especially not him. Clever, clever Scott, who knew his fate too well for his own good. He could have chosen his allies carefully, he knows, could have played on their emotions to make them think he was loyal until the moment he turned on them to win. He knew who the strongest factions and warriors were, the most cunning and intelligent participants in this death game they were forced into. Instead, he chose Jimmy. Sweet, dopey Jimmy, who had the personality of a golden retriever and only a handful of braincells at any given time. Jimmy, who was worth more than all the stars in the sky to him. Who made him feel alive . No, Scott didn’t expect to win. Not when it was Jimmy by his side- when it was Jimmy by his side, winning didn’t matter. All that mattered was Jimmy’s blush when Scott pressed a kiss to his cheek, the way his hair looked like gold in the sunlight and his smile lit up Scott’s whole world.

After Jimmy died, Scott stopped wanting to survive 3rd life. What was the point? The stars can shine on without the sun, but all life on Earth would wither and die. The same happened to Scott’s broken, bitter heart, he found. Jimmy was the first person in years to love him truly, wholly, with no strings attached; it was terrifying how quickly Scott fell for the first person to look at him and not expect him to be anything but what he was. Scott’s world, which used to be mountain peaks and endless blue sky, narrowed to warm brown eyes and a grin like sunshine quicker than he could comprehend. Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, it all came back to him. What was Scott without Jimmy? The unwanted twin, the unloved child, the un-elven elf. Because who cared if he was a good shot with a bow or good at organizing teams or building pretty little houses? He would always be second-born, second-best.

It was fitting, really, that when Scott died, he died alone. Some might find it ironic that the man who knew enough people to fill the roster of a championship held by a god every month died without a single person to witness it save his enemies, but in the end, it was always going to be like this, Scott knew. He hadn’t been there to see Jimmy die, he hadn’t been able to hold him in his final moments and soothe the agony of death. Maybe this was his punishment. He wouldn’t be surprised; the gods of this world did not smile on him and never would. Why should they, when he had failed the only person who had ever found him good enough?

When he woke up in Rivendell, he was almost disappointed. Almost. He considered ditching the rest of the elves, up and leaving to somewhere that didn’t make it feel like the noose of immortality was slowly tightening around his neck. If nothing else, Noxite would let him crash at the MCC server for a bit until he found somewhere to go. And yet, in the end, Scott’s stubborn sense of duty won out. The elves needed a ruler. Xornoth had disappeared to god knows where, and though they had been braver, wiser, better in every way, Scott was the one who had stayed. Who was willing to take up the crown that weighed so heavily on its bearers. So Scott, who no one ever expected to rule, took up the burden of leadership.

Now, he tries and fails to get out of bed and wonders what the point of that even was. He’s fading, and worse than that, he’s fading over a human. His ancestors are probably rolling in their graves. Rivendell will be leaderless within a decade, and this time there are no heirs to take control. Not even a ‘spare’ like Scott used to be. What a mess.

There are footsteps on the stairs. They’re unfamiliar, meaning they could be a threat, but he’s too tired to bother sitting up. If he dies, well- it’s inevitable, really, in the same way watching the mortals he loves dies is.

The person comes around the corner, and Scott realizes with no joy that he won’t be dying today after all. Katherine looks both curious and concerned, but her voice tilts towards the latter when she asks “Scott?” and then, more hesitantly “Lord Smajor?”

He blinks at her, exhausted. “Hi, Katherine.”

“I came to talk to you about some empires stuff, but, I mean, if this is a bad time, I can come back later…?” She sounds so thrown off by his state that Scott almost feels bad.

Whatever it is, it must be important if she’s come all the way here, though, so he gestures her to a chair. “No, no, stay. I can muster the energy for a meeting, just don’t ask me to get up.”

Katherine takes the seat. “I came to talk about the corruption on the server, but- are you okay? Are you sick?”

Nothing about the question is funny in any way, but Scott laughs regardless. “In a way, yes.”

“What do you mean?”

“Take my hand.” He offers it out, knowing the unnatural cold is unsettling no matter if you’re elven or not. Katherine does as he asks, the concern on her face only growing as she grips his icy hand.

“Elves don’t get sick like mortals do,” Scott explains. “Nor do we die of old age. But we get...heartsickness, you might call it. We call it fading in our tongue- the cold hands are a symptom of that. Our souls are fragile, and the grief of the mortal plane can be overwhelming. If an elf is too struck by it, they fade away and die.” The words taste bitter on his tongue, a frank reminder of the slow and painful death that awaits him.

Katherine gasps, and Scott knows he’s alarmed her.

He goes on, though. “It usually happens to old elves, world-weary.” Ironic, it’s ironic that he’s saying that as a young elf explaining his own death. “Those who are tired of existence. But any elf who has experienced enough grief is at risk.”

Her face is nothing short of horrified. “You’re- fading? But doesn’t it usually happen to old elves? Wait, are you old?”

“I’m fifty-five.”

“Is that old?”

He has to laugh. “Fifty is the elven equivalent of eighteen for humans, the age of maturity.” Though he feels so much older than that, both in elven terms and in human.

“Oh.”

There’s a moment of silence, then, “How can you be so calm if you’re dying?”

“I’m tired, Katherine. The world tore me away from the people I loved, and..I’m tired of fighting it.” He’s so, so exhausted. So sick of having to claw and scrape and struggle for the barest scraps of happiness.

“Is there a way to reverse fading- to fix it?” Katherine sounds so hopeful that the question seems almost naive even though she’s far more capable of a ruler than he is. Naive in the affairs of elves, maybe, much as she’s intelligent in so many other ways.

Scott tries not to flinch at the innocent inquiry, thinking about the deaths from fading that he’s watched. “Technically, yes. If an elf recovers enough emotionally, it’s reversible. But whatever caused them to fade the first time can- and often does- cause it again.” And again, and again, until there’s nothing to be done but let them die , he finishes in his head.

Katherine nods, a look of determination overtaking the hope. “We’ll just have to reverse it, then.”

“That’s sweet, Katherine, but I’m dying.”

“No. You’re not going to die. Now come on, you can show me your empire while I fill you in on what’s happening on the rest of the continent.” She sounds so firm that he doesn’t dare disobey, though his exhaustion makes a fair effort at convincing him to. Will this really fix anything? Unlikely. But it’s worth it to try, if only to humor Katherine. At least this way she’ll have the comfort of having tried to save him when he inevitably fades away into nothing

Scott takes her hand, though it brings him little warmth, cold from her trek here. “Alright.” He swallows the bitter grief in his throat before it can seep into his words. “We can try.”

He leads Katherine around Rivendell, taking some pride in the way she oohs over the decor. If there’s one thing he can do right, it’s building. While some elven rulers might see it as below themselves to help build houses for their citizens, Scott finds building soothing. It’s one of the few skills he picked up during his time away that people really appreciate; no one wants to live in a shitty house.

As they walk, she also tells Scott about the demon, Xornoth. “The demon’s already visited a lot of people, I think. Gem and Shubble for sure, and Fwhip and Sausage. That’s not even mentioning the corruption that’s been spreading.”

If Scott said that the name Xornoth didn’t make him flinch, he would be lying to himself. It’s not your sibling , he tells himself. It’s just a coincidence .

It’s through the virtue of years of lying that his voice comes out steady. “There’s corruption in Rivendell too. Likely Xornoth’s work. And given that Jimmy still has Vilya-” his heart doesn’t ache when he says Jimmy’s name, it doesn’t- “well, I haven’t been able to do much.”

“Vilya?” Katherine asks.

“A ring of power. My inheritance from the Noldor.”

“Why does Jimmy have it?”

He doesn’t answer. He won’t- can’t talk about Jimmy, not without remembering how he looked with an arrow through his throat, bright smile gone and face frozen in fear. How does he explain how much Jimmy meant to him? How much he’s now giving up, knowing he’ll have to lose it one way or another?

Katherine drops the topic, seemingly sensing that she’s stumbled on something sensitive. When she has to go home, she leaves with a friendly goodbye and a promise to visit, and Scott believes neither. Who would put the effort into visiting him? He’s not a good friend, he’s not a good king, and god knows he’s not a good husband. In fact, he’s actively avoiding his husband. He may have kept the pufferfish Jimmy gave him, but that doesn’t mean anything. He can’t fall in love with Jimmy again. Loving Jimmy will kill him. (Scott ignores the small voice at the back of his head that whispers that he’s still in love with Jimmy and it’s already killing him just as he always knew it would.)

To his surprise, Katherine does come back next week, and the week after that. He’s ashamed to admit it, but there’s some part of him that’s pathetically grateful when she shows up at his doorstep. It’s a chance to not be alone . Much as he dreads the day when she finally gives up on him, it’s nice that someone cares enough to try and save him from himself.

The third week, Katherine doesn’t show up. Instead, the footsteps on the stairs are familiar in a way that makes Scott’s heart twist painfully.

He takes a deep breath. “Hello, Jimmy.”

“How’d you know it was me?” Jimmy asks. Scott can tell he’s startled by the way his voice goes up, almost frightened.

Scott steels himself, taking a deep breath before rolling over to face his ex-husband. “Do you think I could ever forget the sound of your footsteps?” He forces himself to not get distracted staring at Jimmy, instead going on before Jimmy can open his mouth. “What are you doing here?”

“Katherine asked me to visit, I’m not sure why, but...here I am. Say, why is she visiting every week?” Jimmy’s so curious. So naive, as always.

Scott laughs, bitter. “Katherine thinks she can save me.”

“Save you from what?”

Scott hears the concern in Jimmy’s words, and he can’t bring himself to break the news. It’s not as if it matters. It’s not as if Jimmy would care; he came here because of Katherine. Maybe he cared at the start of Empires, but Scott’s been nothing but rude to him since. There’s no reason for him to care. (He cares. Scott’s lying, like always. Jimmy cares and Scott knows it.)

“Save you from what?” Jimmy asks again, more insistently.

He refuses to say it. He needs Jimmy out, out of his room and out of his life before he does something he’ll regret. “You should go.” To prove his point, he tries to stand, finding himself too dizzy to quite pull it off. Jimmy rushes to catch him, and Scott hates himself just a little for how that still gives him a warm feeling.

“Scott, what is going on?”

He brushes Jimmy off, letting go of his arm and hurrying for the stairs. He can’t let Jimmy work his way into his heart again; Scott won’t be strong enough to let him go this time.

“Scott, seriously! Answer me, are you okay? What’s happening?” Jimmy sounds almost angry, but Scott can hear the distress under it and that’s what breaks him.

“I’m fading, alright?” His voice nearly breaks at the concern on Jimmy’s face when he whirls to face him. “I’m dying, now leave me alone!”

Jimmy sputters, seemingly caught off guard. “You- what- but elves don’t die, right?”

“We do. From poison, from swords-” Scott thinks back to third life- “from arrows through the throat, from grief.” The words come out more raw than he intends, leaving him scrambling to recover his composure. He takes a deep breath in and out, forcing his voice to steady again. “Come on. If you’re not going to leave, I might as well show you around.”

“You can’t just drop something like that on a man, you know!” Jimmy calls after him, although Scott can hear his footsteps following as well.

“You did ask, to be fair.” Scott replies. His voice is calm. He’s fine.

“I guess so, but- but still, dude.”

Scott pushes open the side door, holding it for Jimmy. “Here.”

Jimmy nods and slips through the door. “Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it.”

Scott starts towards the bridges, intending to show Jimmy the enchanting tower and then the door. He doesn’t care about how fast he’s walking, Jimmy can keep up. He’s taller than Scott and probably has better balance at the moment too. Scott’s struggling not to fall, honestly, but his pride won’t let him go slower.

Jimmy breaks the awkward silence with the question Scott least wants to hear. “So, uh..are we going to talk about 3rd life?”

“No,” Scott says firmly.

“Why not? We need to talk about it some time-”

“I said no .” He can’t talk about it.

“It’s literally killing you to not talk about it!”

The words strike right at the raw wound of Jimmy’s death, and Scott freezes. Inhales. Exhales. Tries to keep calm.

“Tell me I’m wrong, Scott!” Jimmy cries. He sounds so upset, Scott’s heart aches. “I dare you, tell me I’m wrong! Tell me you never cared about me, tell me you didn’t bother to bury me, tell me it didn’t hurt even a little when I died! Tell me I was just stupid little Jimmy, a toy for an elf who’d live far beyond my lifespan! Tell me whatever, just tell me the truth! ”

Scott takes a deep breath. “Fine. You want to know what happened after you died?” He can’t think straight through the rage clouding his head, the desperate need to prove that Jimmy’s wrong , that Scott loved him so much it’s killing him. “You want to hear about me screaming until my throat went raw? You want to know that I kissed your face and sobbed and begged you to wake up, over and over until I couldn’t speak at all? You want to live with the knowledge that Grian had to physically pull me away from your body? Is that what you want to hear, Jimmy? ” His voice damn near breaks on his husband’s name, and Scott thanks the gods he stopped believing in a long time ago that it doesn’t.

“No,” Jimmy says. His voice is soft, gentle, almost as if Scott is a wounded animal that needs a delicate touch. “That’s not what I want to hear, not at all. I’d rather you be happy than love me.”

The words punch the air from Scott’s lungs, raw and soft and real. Scott is an excellent liar. Jimmy isn’t. Scott knows that Jimmy is telling the truth. What he doesn’t know is how to handle that level of devotion. He wonders again how Jimmy- sweet, genuine Jimmy who wears his heart on his sleeve and is hopelessly devoted to an elf who can’t be fully his- chose Scott of all people. Scott, who’s as bitter as Jimmy is sweet, who’s sarcastic and snarky and hasn’t been good enough for just about anything in his life. He certainly wasn’t good enough to save Jimmy, Scott thinks bitterly.

He shakes off the thought. “I buried you on the hill above our houses. I planted a poppy over your grave.”

“Oh.”

“Grian came over the next day. I didn’t want to see anyone who wasn’t you, but I let him in because I had to. He helped me do the straps on my armor and asked me if he could do anything else to make things easier. I told him to bury me next to you.”

“Did he?”

Scott almost laughs at the innocent question. “How would I know? Grian was honorable enough, though, loyal to his allies. I like to think he did.”

“He was a good guy,” Jimmy agrees. “A little bit bloodthirsty, I guess, but good. I don’t suppose he survived any better than the rest of us, though maybe being bloodthirsty helped.”

“Maybe.”

“Can I- can I ask you why you hate me so much now?” Jimmy’s tone is uncertain, hesitant and it hurts . “I mean, if you mourned me in third life and all.”

Scott looks away from his earnest gaze, but he can’t stop the truth slipping out. “I don’t hate you.”

“You don’t?” Jimmy asks, seemingly bewildered. “But you burned the pufferfish-”

“I didn’t. I kept it.” Scott doesn’t want to think about this, wants to say it even less. “I never hated you. I don’t think I’m capable of it.”

“Then why do you keep avoiding me?”

“I’ve been kind of busy dying,” Scott says wryly, unable to resist a bit of morbid humor at his own expense.

“Scott! That’s not funny!”

“It was a little funny.”

“No!”

Jimmy sounds genuinely distressed, and Scott drops the wry smile. “Jimmy, I’m an elf. I won’t live far beyond you, but only because I’ll fade without you.” It’s a simple statement. The truth, as much as he can give.

“So your solution is to isolate yourself and fade now?” Jimmy’s outrage is justifiable, but Scott just shrugs.

“It does sound stupid when you put it like that, doesn’t it?” It really does. “But I lost you once, and I don’t think I could bear it again.”

A hand lands on Scott’s arm, and he turns, startled. Jimmy doesn’t give him time to react, throwing his arms around Scott and pulling him close. Scott almost lets out a very undignified squeak at the sudden contact, though he slowly relaxes into Jimmy’s hold.

He should pull away. He shouldn’t give Jimmy false hope like this. But Jimmy is so warm , and Scott is so unbearably cold. Every fiber of his being is screaming that this is what’s right; screw Rivendell and obligations and too-heavy crowns, Jimmy is home to him. He’s warm for the first time in months, and the most heartbreaking part is that it can’t last. He can’t do this again.

He pulls away, ignoring the painful hope on Jimmy’s face. “I’m sorry, Jimmy.” For the first time all conversation, his voice well and truly wobbles. “I can’t. Not again.”

“But-”

Scott shakes his head. “Losing you will destroy me. We dared to love, and now all we can do now is lessen the pain when it all comes crashing down.” The words are like glass in his throat, but he forces them out anyways. They have to be said.

Jimmy’s silent, and it hurts more than if Jimmy had yelled at him.

“Goodbye, Jimmy,” Scott manages, turning away before Jimmy can see the way his face twists in pain. He makes his retreat as quickly as possible, stumbling and nearly taking a tumble just before he reaches the door. Unlike before, there’s no helpful ex-husband there to catch him, to make sure he’s alright and ask a million questions until Scott’s forced to admit that he’s not okay and hasn’t been in a long time.

He fumbles with the latch, hands shaking and vision blurring. Finally, it clicks, and Scott stumbles inside and slams the door shut before sliding to the ground. He won’t cry. He won’t . He doesn’t love Jimmy, he can’t love Jimmy anymore. Jimmy was never meant to be his. They might have carved out a few precious moments, stolen them from the universe and giggled like kids with their hands in the cookie jar as they kissed amongst the flowers, but those brief moments were all they were ever going to be allowed. It was always going to end this way, Scott tells himself. There’s no use crying over a mortal who will be dead in the blink of an eye to an elf. What would his parents say? That this was typical of him, probably. Typical Scott, always wanting what he would never be able to have. Typical, predictable Scott, loving a mortal who shouldn’t be worth anything to him.

He’s crying. There are tears spotting his cyan robes, splashing onto the wood floors he worked so hard on. Scott rubs at his eyes furiously, but that only makes it worse, sobs shuddering through him and leaving him hollow and aching. He’s so cold . The ache in his chest has returned tenfold, stealing away his breath, and he curls further into himself, struggling for air.

He’s going to die. He is going to die , alone on the floor of his house because he fell for someone he couldn’t have. For all that he’s spent every minute since Jimmy’s death in 3rd life wishing for some way out of this cruel world, he’s terrified now that it seems inevitable. He’s scared in a way he hasn’t been in forever, breath coming quick and shallow. He's scared, and he is so, so tired of this ache that haunts him, the chill that he can never get rid of.

“Jimmy,” Scott whispers. There’s no way for the human to hear him, but the name brings him some comfort. “ Jimmy .” He wants his husband. He wants someone to hug him. He doesn’t want to fade away freezing and alone, no one there to hold his hand or reassure him that the pain will be over soon. Internally, he begs for someone, anyone who cares to come looking. To find him, even if they’re too late to save him. Someone. Anyone. Please.

No one comes, and Scott lays on his floor until his breathing steadies out again. His head spins when he forces himself to his feet, and he has to lean against the wall for a few moments. There’s no time for dramatics, he tells himself sternly. He has a kingdom to rule. He cannot afford to break over a mortal he never should have fallen for in the first place. He doesn’t love Jimmy anymore, he can’t .

(He’s lying. But Scott has always been an excellent liar, even when it’s to himself.)

#scott smajor #jimmy solidarity #empires smp #i maintag my fic because i dont fear god or scott smajor #my writing

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mythiccheroacademia · 5 years ago

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Okay bcuz this manga has me fucked all the way up,I need me some happy headcanons with Shigi and Dabi,like how would they be if they had a childhood sweetheart s/o that stayed with them ever since they knew each other?Knew each other better than anyone kinda deal?

A/N: The way this manga is fucking with my emotions don’t sit right in my spirit. I hope these headcanons add a little fluff to your life. Sorry it’s not all the way fluffy. I had to stick to character. But, they're as fluffy as a homicidal maniacs can be🥺

Warnings: implied sexual activity, toxic relationship dynamics, death?, idk man

Tomura Shigaraki:

if there was one thing shigiraki’s enemies saw redeemable in him, it was his care for his friends

yes, he had a hard time trusting people (who can blame him), he wasn’t patient, he threw temper tantrums at his big age, and he barely showered

but he cared about his friends bc the only genuine love he felt, besides his sister, was from his friendship with you

before his quirk manifested, he and you would play with heroes all the time!

even when his dad would yell at him and give you dirty looks, you were still his friend

he never really forgot about you after his disappearance

your love and presence would always be in his heart

he was just busy dealing with, y’know, psychological trauma and world destruction

then, one day, you both saw each other when he was doing his daily walks and took time to catch up

you meet up all the time, and in those moments, you start to fall for one another

he was frustrated that he started becoming self-conscious about his skin, but you never failed to tell him how he still reminded you of the cute, shy, boy back in the day

then you’d recoil in embarrassment and tell him to forget you said that

it was annoying, but you actually made him blush

wears half gloves so he can touch your hand

he even stole a phone so he could text you

he doesn’t feel the need to wear the hands with you

at first, shigaraki kept you away from the LoV bc he didn’t know if he could trust you

and he didn’t want you a part of the violence, but he eventually couldn’t hide it when you started questioning him about his whereabouts—and it was so hard to lie to you

not when you still looked at him like he looked at you—like you were the world

little by little shigaraki starts to reveal his history, his thoughts, ideologies, and plans to you

at first, you’re horrified, and you immediately try to convince him to stop his plans

it ends up in a fight and he walks away before he does something he regrets

he laughs at the pain coursing through his chest bc why would you agree with him? he was a fool for thinking you’d join him. how could you? you were miss perfect

doesn’t cry but is noticeably angrier

heartbreak is a bitch

but then he gets a text from you to meet him at your apartment

it’s cryptic and so fucking dramatic but he shows up only bc he wants to set you straight

he’s surprised to feel you connect foreheads, just like you two did when he got nervous as a child, and tell him

“i don’t agree with your methods, but i’ll follow you if it’s to keep you safe. i lost you once and i refuse to lose you again”

in a moment of weakness, shigaraki kisses you

and the deal is sealed

it’s true he wants to destroy everything

and it’s true he doesnt want to be around after he does

but, at least he’ll enjoy the time he has with you

you mask your identity to everyone but shigaraki, only showing up to save him

throughout your time, you watch him grow, mature, and truly fit into the role of a leader when he becomes the head of the Paranormal Liberation Front

finally keeps up with his hygiene lmao

you spend countless nights talking, kissing, and other not kid-friendly things

you two knew everything about the other

you start to see his POV as you observe the poor actions of heroes and the civilians

soon, you’re always by his side—there’s never a time he’s somewhere and you’re not and vice versa

people catch on that you’re not just some bodyguard

they start treating you like they would shigaraki based on your power and their leader’s own demand for them to

many try to ask about your identity and shigaraki is quick to shut that shit down

you even dutifully watch him as the old doctor takes him through his torturous transformation

and when the heroes come to capture him, you’re in the shadows waiting…

Dabi:

he’s a Todoroki

no, I don’t accept criticism

anyway

when he was young, you and the older todorokis would hang out together

you only knew each other bc you were rich and your parents were internationally recognized pro-heroes

you were dragged to so many boring hero events

you’d talk so much shit about how two-faced heroes were

that’s how all four of you bonded

there were times touya would disappear and you’d be confused

fuyumi and natsuo said he was “training”

you didn’t really think much of it so you went on with life

every time he came back, he was covered in bandages

after the fifth time, you ask him about it and he just breaks down and tells you everything

he tells you all about endeavor’s harsh training, how much he thought of him as a failure, and about how he was literally burning from the inside out

you were young and could barely process this

your life was perfect, how could you ever relate?

however, you promised to always be by his side

you wouldn’t let him feel alone

even after a day of abuse, touya would look forward to texting you

you’d talk about movies, comics, who was the best hero, who would win the world cup this year, etc.

would sneak into your house to play video games

it’s ended up in cuddling more often than he’s willing to admit

it wasn’t long before you two knew everything about one another

even about the dark thoughts in his head

it worried you, but again, you didn’t think much of it

how could you know it lead him to faking his own death?

something you didn’t know he had done until he appeared at your door years later

who the hell was this and why did he look like an overcooked omelet?

you didn’t even believe it was him until he told you he was right about Barcelona winning the world cup in 2009

you spent half the day crying and the other cussing him out for letting everyone think he was dead

goes, “lol, yeah that was wild. help me dye my hair?”

what an asshole

your relationship is weird and toxic

you guys are best friends teetering on lovers but it’s confusing bc dabi is cryptic is hell

he confessed that he liked you but tells you that he’s too dangerous for you

like this was some Twilight fanfic

like, okay Edward Cullen

but he’s serious bby, my mans is out here committing homicide

not good

he’ll text you from time to time and randomly shows up at your apartment like he owns the place

you’ll talk, have sex, and talk some more

eventually straight up tells you about his end goal and you’re like

????

you: touya, no???

him: dabi, yes

speaking of which, makes you call him dabi when he’s not in your guts

despite him being a dick, he’s quite charming when he wants to be

takes you to the best spot to see the city lights

or the stars on the beach

always tells you not to worry about him and that he has everything under control

very very protective

won’t like if you're involved with anything hero or villain-like

if you’re a civilian, ensures that you stay that way bc he’ll be damned if you get involved with what’s happening

stalks you (for “safety purposes”)

you two always fight when you catch him snooping around

but has the audacity to ghost you and come back like nothing happened

it’s so toxic

hates knowing that you cry when he comes back battered and burning from fights but he’s got a mission, srry bby

someone’s gotta take out endeavor

being close to him is not for the faint of heart, but you have to take it or leave it bc he’s set on his life’s purpose

the night before the war takes place, he’s suspiciously touchy

makes you promise that no matter what happens, you’ll find him if society starts to crumble

you're like…what the hell, dabi? stop speaking in riddles. just say you wanna marry me and go

but honey, he’s 100% serious and you’ll find out soon enough

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iheartbookbran · 4 years ago

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Anthony, Penelope, Marina and Colin deserved better...

Beware, rant ahead

Ok I wish I didn’t feel such strong need to continue beating this dead horse but oopsie, I will very much be beating it some more.

Like, my fave books of the Bridgerton series are Anthony’s and Colin’s books, so I’m seething about what they did with their characterizations, Anthony and Penelope in particular, because Colin’s only real sin was being boring, and if you remember how funny he’s in the books it makes me wanna fall on my knees and ask Chris Van Dusen whyyyy omg why would you do something like that to such a dynamic character. So yeah, Colin is boring af and a moron but at least he isn’t an asshole the way show Anthony and Penelope are, and I’ve seen people say that they can always be redeemed in future seasons, if we get them, but that’s exactly my problem, because they never had to be redeemed in the books, to begin with. Penelope more so than Anthony but let me begin by defending my boy.

Is he a jerk sometimes? Sure. Is he actively awful and uncaring towards those close to him, especially his family? Hell no, quite the opposite, in fact. Not to be controversial on main but in the books... he was right in not wanting Daphne to be courted by a man who he knew damn right had no intention of marrying her and as far as he was aware was only making her waste her time, and he was right in demanding Simon pay for compromising her honor. Could he have been more mindful of what Daphne had to say and listened to her wishes? Of course, but considering Simon and Daphne (both in the show and in the books) aren’t exactly masters in communication themselves, Anthony doesn’t come off as the biggest offender in that situation.

What he never did was force Daphne, or any of his sisters really, to do anything; if they didn’t like a guy then that guy was out of their lives no question asked, and he loved them enough to always have their best interests at heart, for his sisters and his brothers, to the point that even though he’s traumatized and thinks he’s gonna die young he’s still willing to get past that to do his duty and marry, because he doesn’t want to pass that burden on to his little brothers (so him deciding to leave all his responsibilities to Benedict so he can fck off with his mistress is... like, a choice lmao). In fact all the subplot with Siena felt like a choice on the writers part, like they truly liked Benedict and Sophie’s story so they just slapped it on Anthony so he could act all sad and sexy while they gave us foreshadowing with the subtlety of a warharmer that he’s ending up with Kate anyways (and that Benedict is ending with Sophie anyways too, so they would be using that storyline twice, unless they do make him bi and fall in love with a man, but maybe that’s too much of ask for this show), so what was Siena’s purpose in the story? Who tf knows not me.

Now Penelope, my god. Yes I know I joke Penny has never done anything wrong in her life, and I still love her, but she was wrong. Very much so. What she did was significantly worse than what Marina did, which I still don’t condone at all. Like yes, I still maintain that Marina tricking Colin into marriage was wrong (and I’ll go later on why that whole subplot was racist af), but what Penelope did could have not only ruined Marina and herself and her sisters reputations, but it was basically condemning an innocent unborn child to a life in the streets, that’s messed up. Even if Marina was rose-coloring her potential life with Colin and he might have grown to resent her, at least the baby would’ve been alright. And my problem with that whole subplot is that all of it was resolved so neatly, with Sir Phillip sweeping in to save the day so we don’t have to actually see what Penelope’s actions could have caused, but the implications are still very much there.

And I’m cracking my mind trying to figure out whether the showrunners just... really hate Colin’s book and Penelope as a character so they’re trying to inflict some kind of character assassination on her so they can get away with writing him off with another person without causing much outrage, or if they just thought there wasn’t enough ~drama~ or stakes on their book so they have to add them, and give him some kind of bullshit tragic romantic past to explain why he doesn’t want to marry, whereas in the books, the reason he doesn’t marry anyone is because he doesn’t feel like it, and that’s ok, there’s no need for every character to have a tragic backstory and to be riddled with angst; Colin is that character, he’s an easy going guy who’s just not interested in marriage until he falls in love with Penny AND THAT’S VALID, just because he doesn’t have the most complex motivations out there doesn’t mean he isn’t a compelling character. The stakes in his story after he discovers Penny is Whistledown are, as he points out, that she has insulted so many people there’s no way some of them wouldn’t want to retaliate if word came out, and he cares for her and doesn’t want her to get hurt (there’s also a dumb part about him being secretly jealous of her accomplishments as Whistledown, but thankfully he gets over that pretty quickly).

But while I am on that, it is true that Penelope wrote some uncharitable things about the mean people around her, but she never ever ruined someone’s reputation, let alone endanger the future of a child. Was she a bitch sometimes? Yeah, but she was also kind to a lot of people and her criticism was never unwarranted and never did more damage than maybe annoy a couple of girls like Cressida. I just hate the idea of this needing to turn into some sort of ~redemption arc~ for Penelope because, again, in the books she really didn’t have to make up for anything, definitely not to Colin, who was actually the one who had to do much of the heavy lifting in their relationship when he realized that he literally slept on her for years.

And now regarding Marina, like yes, she was wrong and I stand by that statement (but not as wrong as Penelope), but tbh I find it hard to be mad at her when they gave her such a racist storyline, as the scheming woc who gets pregnant out of wedlock and then tries to seduce the innocent white man, until the virtuous white girl needs to step up to save him. At least that’s what I thought initially as the writers intention, but honestly I’m not so sure anymore, I doubt they will continue to write her and Colin as a couple otherwise they would’ve bothered to show them interacting outside of her manipulating him and him acting like a bumbling idiot, the most sincere moment they had together was when he comforted her about the lie, but by that time this bitch (me) was empty and didn’t give a shit anymore. Literally all their other interactions where shown through Penelope’s POV to let us know she was sad, and Colin’s most significant scenes where again... with Penelope (because it isn’t as if he has a family and his own moments in the books outside of being an object for Penelope to pine after).

And as I said before, Marina had a—relatively—happy ending: married to a man she doesn’t love (just as she didn’t love Colin) but who will treat her right and care for her and her child in comfort. Is arguably a better ending than if she’d married Colin because now she doesn’t have to go through the trouble of explaining things to her new husband and run the risk of him resenting her forever. Phillip may not love her but he knows who he’s marrying and why he’s marrying her. That’s literally the same fate Marina had in the books, and it makes me wonder why, oh why would the writers do that.

Why create such a contrived plot to give a character who appears in one(1) chapter of an 8 books series then promptly dies, all at the expense of the characterization of one of the most beloved heroines of said books series? Why would you write this racist storyline for a character whose fate is dying? And now I’m horrified at the repercussions that can come with Marina committing su*cide like in canon, because the implications would be that Penelope would be responsible for it (and I hate the idea of blaming one person for the su*cide of another, fictional or otherwise, is harmful and we need to be careful with making such implications), which would make her even less redeemable or like, likable in general. Not to mention that would be like putting the final racist nail in Marina’s coffin by giving her that ending.

It makes me wonder, seriously, if Chris Van Dusen hated Romancing Mister Bridgerton that much, if he loathed the idea of writing a fat character finding love and getting sex that much. I just wanna know why lmfao.

#rant over #if i sound salty is because i am #like there actually were a lot of aspects i did enjoy but i just cannot get past this #though this rant helped me a lot to feel better so there’s that #tellmewhy.gif #anthony bridgerton #penelope featherington #marina thompson #colin bridgerton #polin #tagging them bc i rant quite a lot about how they ruined their relationship #enjoy the salt uwu #bridgerton #bridgerton netflix #bridgerton spoilers #meta #my meta

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takanova12 · 4 years ago

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The fuss around chapter 130.

I saw that people are going with three possibilites for historia.

She got pregnant with eren.

She got pregnant with the farmer.

The pregnancy is fake.

Before I dive in, I would like to say that I am writing this post to address concerns that I have surrounding the pregnancy and not about historia as a character. I don't know her intentions or thoughts on the matter. As an advocate of eremika, this post is to help me and possibly others like me to know that if eren were to be with anyone, it would only be mikasa and even then there's no happy ending.

1. She got pregnant with eren.

First, let's assume she did. If so then why? For love? No. They never talk about feelings for each other. No one has ever teased them about each other, as the narrative has been constantly doing with both eren and mikasa. Eren and historia have a connection, an understanding based on their past. It's friendship, more like what eren shared with armin (when they both wanted to see the ocean) but later on, their dreams changed, hence their friendship changed too.

Let's assume now it was for love. What did it accomplish? Eren wanted to exterminate all life outside paradise prior to meeting historia and he is still following on the same path. So, nothing has changed! It serves no purpose.

Eren said he can't respond to mikasa's feelings because he will die soon. He didn't say " it's not like that or anything. Instead his response was, is there even a point? I will die soon, so I want them to continue living peacefully.

Why would he bring a child with historia who was portrayed in a romantic light with ymir? What purpose would it accomplish? It would literally be aganist what he wanted for historia and his loved ones.

Why did eren go to see historia in first place? Because he just wanted to see her out of love? No. He went to warn her about the MP's. To protect her. To tell her to stay quite until he accomplishes his plan.

Is it odd for eren to protect people? Nope. He couldn't even bring himself to hurt annie, so why in the world would he not want to protect historia.

The awkward panel positioning in my opinion was done deliberately to cast confusion. But when has isayama not done that? He had mikasa acting jealous towards annie and questioning eren about it, which led people to believe eren had romantic feelings for annie, and eren couldn't even understand what mikasa was implying. More so, even very later on in the story, eren was still portrayed as clueless about romance (104th and marco×hitch). So, clearly he never had romantic feelings for annie.

Also, sidenote ever since the idea of eren being possibly aware of romance was introduced in the story, it has always been in connection with Mikasa.

When they meet what do they talk about? Historia is grateful for eren's protection but what is eren fixated on ? Protecting historia, ridding the world of hatred, ending cycle of breeding and scarificing royals.

Does eren tell her anything he hasn't already told someone like floch? Eren didn't tell historia about his plan, because she is special to him (she is special no doubt, all his friends are). Eren told historia to protect her, but also because she could have been the only hurdle in his plan. The people who are special to eren never knew what eren was doing because he couldn't burden them with this gruesome decision. For the people who are special to him, he wants to make the world a safer place, so they can continue living peacefully. His words not mine.

Not saying cause of that historia is not special to him, she is, but because of her position as a royal she poses a threat to his plan. He had to burden her with the knowledge of his plan to both protect her and ensure he gets to do what he has always wanted to do. He wanted to ask her to stay quite until he is done.

Not even once in eren's memories, there has been an image of a tender moment with historia. Basically if he was the father, there will be something special about her or, kruger would have mentioned her name too. She wouldn't have been absent from the story for so long, like there would have been something to suggest otherwise? A tender moment like eren staring at young him wrapping scarf around mikasa. Why did eren tell mikasa he hates her? Why be so harsh to her? What are you so afraid of eren? That she might get hurt? That she might follow you to your death?

2. She got pregnant with the farmer.

I think this is the most likely scenario. A friend shared a twitter post with me by the user, eren 130 mute, and this 👇 aligns with my thoughts about the situation quite well.

Pregnancy with the farmer, showcases how distraughting her situation is. It is not be romanticized. Her situation is sad and desperate. They are truly talking about eradicting all humans outside paradise. It is a sad and horrible situation as is portrayed by both eren's expression and her's. Right after eren tells her about his plan, she becones distressed and ever since he annouced his plan to her, she has been wearing that gloomy expression.

3. She is faking the pregnancy

I don't think that's plausible. If the pregnancy was fake, firstly when Nile talks about it, historia wouldn't be shown sad in it. According to nile, queen can choose her own partner,so there's no reason for her to look so depressed in his imagination. His words don't correspond with the imagery that's shown. Why does she look depressed then? Because it is actually her real situation. She is truly not okay with this all.

Secondly, if the MP's are planning to feed zeke to her, won't they make sure in ever possible way that she is pregnant or not?

Faking the pregnancy sounds good in theory but it also doesn't serve any purpose. If faking the pregnancy was an actual thing, we could have never been shown historia, not given an explanation on who the father is. Instead we got all of that, what we didn't get is why she got pregnant? This chapter it seems like when eren reminded her of the time she saved him by being the worst girl, she proposes to have a baby. Why did she do it will become obvious when we get her pov.

And isn't this her?

Fake bump again?

Are we talking about snk or a soap opera?

And in snk, everyone is currently distraught and placed in horrifying situations, so why would historia be spared? Why would eren be spared? Mikasa, armin, jean, connie, hange, levi, annie, pieck, reiner, gabi and falco are all suffering. Why would these two be exempt of it?

Why would there be a happy ending for people collaborating on genocide? (Idk what historia's motives are as she did protest aganist the idea, but later dropped the resistance, refused to contact the survey corps or anyone about it just like eren asked? I know there's an explanation for it when we get her pov but I hope it's a good explanation). So, granted the confusion and lack of historia's pov, for now let's consider only eren and floch as supporters of genocide. I will go with my gut and say that she was probably trying to stop eren in her own way, like some plan she had? Clearly and sadly it didn't work.

What kind of message would isayama be sending then? If someone who is commiting genocide gets a happy ending, what would be the message of this story then? He is not just commiting genocide, but along the way hurting people who have always been there for him.

Let's see if official translation changes anything.

Thank you for reading.

Edited: I would also like to add that the odd panel positioning might be isayama being his usual trolling self. For instance, with chapter 112, he introduced the idea of ackerbond and same chapter showed mikasa slamming armin, due to which there was widespread belief that mikasa is not free and indeed eren hates her. (That was partially addressed this chapter. Again not completely, because it has to be left for EM meeting. It has to be handled gradually, because if eren is suddenly and directly shown to feel love for mikasa, it won't feel natural. There has to be some drama and mystery left, otherwise people lose interest).

Mikasa slamming armin on the table was meant to throw us off, it was meant to create confusion. It consolidated the views of people who were already looking a reason to discredit eren and mikasa's bond. Isayama did that on purpose, to throw us for a loop. It had people debating for so long that mikasa really does protect him due to some bond.

We are not supposed to go off based on one cherry-picked moment. We have to go back and see what the character's are about, where they are they headed, how consistent and inconsistent the information is, what the story has told us so far and where it's going..

#eremika #mikasa #eren jaeger #snk 130 #snk spoilers #aot 130

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petri808 · 4 years ago

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1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30-Epilogue

Lucy POV. TW: Panic Attack, Mental trauma/coping, PTSD

The university and Lucy’s professors had been really wonderful about everything, even offering to convert her classes to an online option so she could continue. She wasn’t happy about the idea of taking a sabbatical from college, but there was no way she could manage. Not only was it difficult for her to leave the apartment because seeing anyone that remotely resembled Touka sent her into a panic attack, focusing on anything at all was a struggle. Night after night it haunted her dreams and spilled into her waking moments. She’d run scenarios through her mind, all the what if’s, should haves, could haves, often leading to horrifying outcomes. They’d survived, yes, but at what cost?

She didn’t feel the same anymore as if a part of her did die in that apartment or fled to a hidden part of her brain too scared to come back out. The once happy, positive person had become a nervous wreck unable to control her emotions or outbursts. Lucy’s bedroom became her safe zone from everyone, even those closest to her, ashamed and insecure of their judgement. In her heart she knew friends like Levy or Natsu wouldn’t judge... but tell that to her broken mind, because her brain was the one in control at the moment, and insisted they’d look down on her.

All the irrational thoughts. It was her fault for not being careful, her fault she was kidnapped. Lucy knew Touka was growing dangerous, yet walking alone, at night... utterly stupid. She should have been overzealous at protecting herself, but oh no, stupid girl didn’t want to believe anything would actually happen. Until it did. And now she was even more pathetic and weak for not getting a hold of her emotions, for not controlling it instead of it controlling her. The danger had passed. They were alive. Touka was in jail. It should be over, but it wasn’t. Lucy couldn’t move past that night, stuck in an endless loop of fear. So many nights she’d wake up in a panic covered in sweat, the fading images of red... blood... like dripping down a tv screen in a horror movie. It was Natsu’s blood she saw and his screams when the knife had sliced him open.

The first week after the event had been difficult, sitting through an interview with Gajeel, and reliving all the mental wounds. It took several hours to get through it all despite the man doing his best to go easy on her. Each time painful parts came up, Lucy felt the anxieties rise, the mental blurring, the shaking, literally a physical shaking of her body in an effort to dispel the rise of adrenaline coursing through her veins. Interviews are best done without any other potential witnesses in the room to avoid cross contamination, but after Lucy’s first two attempts to talk to investigators failed, Gajeel was forced to allow Natsu in with explicit instructions to sit quietly and say nothing while the woman talked. Of course, Natsu’d been fine with that, he’d do anything to help, even if it was just holding Lucy’s hand. But it only added to her embarrassment. Surely Natsu will eventually tire of having an unstable girlfriend.

Then there was the therapist Levy helped Lucy to find which she hoped would help her to quickly get over the events and move on. So, when the woman explained that such traumas take patience and time to process, Lucy was devastated. It almost felt like nothing was going her way anymore, falling dominoes with no end in sight. She felt so ashamed for having to see the woman in the first place, and now she’s told it would be a long journey towards recovery. Just great! What’s next?!

“Lu?” Levy knocked before opening the bedroom door. “Are you gonna eat your dinner in here again? It’s ready.”

With the curtains drawn, Lucy’s room was dark and the only light available was a small desk lamp next to the bed set to a low setting. She peeked out from under her blanket. “I-I’ll come out in a minute, thanks Lev.”

As soon as her friend closed the door, Lucy exhaled in relief. She knew Levy was worried about the amount of time she stayed holed up in the room, so to dispel some of those concerns, Lucy would join her roommate for meals. She quickly applied a gauze wrap, threw on her long sleeve hoodie, and left the room. It made her feel safer to be shrouded and covered up, so gone were her skirts and tank tops, and hello to long sleeves and pants. If she could cover her face from the world, it would make her happy. Even her overall hygiene suffered. Lucy would forget to bathe or wash her hair for days on end, and it took Levy or Natsu with gentle prodding to get her to do it. She would wear the same clothes for a week if it wasn’t for Levy who made sure she changed at least every couple of days. Hell, she’d starve if her roommate wasn’t feeding her. This was a frustrating cycle, not having the mental energy to take care of herself, then feeling bad because they had to help her with things, which made her feel even worse.

It tore at Lucy’s heart to watch Natsu going through this process with her. She knew he was going through his own struggles, not just mental, but physically healing from his wounds. And here she was, the basket case of instability. Bless him, he never gave up no matter how distant she grew, but after that night, Lucy really didn’t want to talk about anything out loud, not that night, and certainly not the true extent of her pain from it. Both Levy and Natsu knew only what she couldn’t hide from them. Like the panic attacks, and since she really didn’t want them to see her go through one or what she’d resorted to, to calm herself, so the safest solution was stay quiet and not trigger them in their presence.

To show his dedication, Natsu even went with her to her therapy sessions and waited outside the office. Lucy knew it was costing him money to do this, because she couldn’t ride a train which meant cab rides every single trip. It bothered her a lot, but she did her best to hide it, and besides there was one small measure of security in having him at her side when she needed to venture out into the public.

“So, the nightmares are still a problem?” the therapist questioned Lucy. “Are you sure you don’t want to try a medication? It would help to ease them until we can get things under control.”

Lucy gripped to the hem of her sweater. “I just don’t wanna become addicted to that stuff...”

“That’s understandable. But not all are addictive, and I’ll be here to make sure it doesn’t get out of hand.”

“I... I don’t think I’m ready.”

“Okay, that’s fine,” the woman smiled. “Remember I’m just here to help you, at your pace. I won’t force you take anything you don’t want to.”

“Thank you.”

“What about the breathing and relaxation techniques? When you feel the anxiety rising, are you trying out the steps?”

“I try... I don’t think I’m very successful at it.”

“Does it work sometimes?”

Lucy pauses for a few seconds in thought before nodding yes.

“See, that is progress!” The woman encouraged excitedly. “Two weeks ago, it didn’t help at all, and now it works sometimes. It’s a big step forward Lucy.”

“Doesn’t feel like it is...” Lucy mumbled.

“I know it’s hard to see it for yourself, and that’s okay. These things take time and practice. Do you remember what I said about these things?”

“Not really.” Which was true. During the first week when the therapist explained the processes, Lucy had stopped listening as soon as the woman said it would take time.

“Let me ask you a question. You like to write stories, right?”

“Yeah.”

“When you first started, were you able to just write perfect stories.”

“Pfft, no.”

“Then how did you get better at it?”

Lucy rolled her eyes, knowing where this was going. “Practice.”

“Yes! The PTSD requires learning new coping skills as well as unlearning irrational ones. To do both takes practice. The more we work at it, the easier it will get, I promise. One day you’ll be able to look back at this experience and feel stronger for it.”

She really wanted to believe the woman, but it was so hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel! Tears well up in Lucy’s eyes, seconds before they start to flow down her cheeks. “Why is this so hard?! I just wanna get back to normal!” She could feel her anxieties rising. “I... I-I don’t wanna talk about it anymore! I just wanna forget it ever happened!”

The woman reached over and took Lucy’s hand, applying a strategic amount of pressure while rubbing her thumb over the webbing in a counter stimulus. She softened in tone. “I wish I could say that would work, but in order to get past it, you need to confront it. Together we’re gonna turn the boogieman into Casper the friendly ghost.”

It was such a weird way of putting things, it caused Lucy’s mind to snap out of the anxiety and snort a sniffling laugh in response. “Casper the friendly ghost?!”

“It was the first thing to pop into my mind,” the therapist laughed too. “The point is, we’re going to work together and slowly bring you to a place where this no longer scares you.”

“O-Okay...”

The rest of the session was tough, and Lucy had come close to a panic attack several times, but as a trained therapist, the woman stepped in at the right times to bring her levels down again using breaks and breathing routines. Sure, with a professional in front of you, it wasn’t as bad, but doing this on her own, the attacks were still winning. At the end of the session, the woman suggested a new technique to try out based on Lucy’s love of writing.

“You’ve heard of art therapy, so just think of this as a different form of creative therapy. Writing a diary is helpful to get out your feelings out in a healthy way. But let’s take it one step forward to use your skills in fiction writing. I want you to try before the next session, writing a story where you interject your emotions, feelings, whatever you want into the characters and story. Kind of like your character becomes you, but now you get to control what happens to them after the trauma they endure.”

“Wait, so you want me to write about a character that goes through what I went through?! Like torture my own character?!”

“Yes, to put it bluntly. Take your pain and unleash it onto the fictional character. It’s a much healthier way of releasing your anger or frustration in something that can’t really be hurt. Do whatever you want to them. But remember you also get to give them the ending you want to. It’s about utilizing a tool you’re already comfortable with and taking back some control. It’ll be normal if you cry, scream, and get upset through the process, but that’s okay, because instead of holding it all in, you’re getting your feelings out.”

Lucy slumped back in her seat. It sounded strange, yet at the same time made a bit of sense to her. Angst type stories were not really her forte, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t do it, especially since pain is all she was channeling at the moment. She sighed. “I’ll try.”

“And that’s totally okay. All I ask is that you give it a try.”

#nalu #nalu fan fic #nalu au #nalu fan fiction #Natsu dragneel #Lucy heartfilia #Natsu x lucy #nalu fanfiction #strangers on a train #ch 24 #angst #TW: panic attack #TW: PTSD

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thewriting-corner · 3 years ago

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‘Renegades’ trilogy by Marissa Meyer: review

Welcome today to a post I have been waiting to do for months. I never do entire posts for book reviews, but since this was a trilogy (and one of my favorites I read this year) I decided it would deserve a little more.

Note: I will be doing a spoiler-free review first and then I’ll put a warning before talking about each individual book :)

Synopsis: The Renegades are a syndicate of prodigies—humans with extraordinary abilities—who emerged from the ruins of a crumbled society and established peace and order where chaos reigned. As champions of justice, they remain a symbol of hope and courage to everyone... except the villains they once overthrew.

Trilogy Review ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I honestly think these are the best books I’ve ever read. The description was fascinating, easy to follow and gave amazing imagery without that heaviness that a lot of fantasy books have (this is more sci-fi/dystipia-ish but still).

The characters felt real and their individual voices were clear from start to finish. I loved every single character, even the ones I hated.

However, there is one thing that bothered me BUT it does align with their world and that is the lack of accountability certain characters recieve (but I will be talking about that in my Supernova review).

Then the PLOT OH MY GOSH. I mean, it’s superheroes. It’s nearly impossible to be original with a plot that isn’t the same as any Marvel or DC comic/movie/show. And yet Marissa Meyer that such a beautiful job of taking a common conflict (heroes vs villains, villains wanting to take over the world) and turning it into a unique plot with amazing twists.

I mentioned the world-building before, but I’ll do it again. Third person POV is not my favorite and neither is heavy world building like the one this book needed and had. Still, it was written in such a simple way that I didn’t feel like she was trying to confuse me, it was just a story.

Overall, this series was amazing and I highly recommend it to anyone looking for a fast paced, mind-blowing world building and compelling characters that will make you feel single to the core even in a relationship.

🚨Spoilers Ahead🚨

Renegades ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

“We were all villains in the beginning.”

I went into this book with low expectations because I didn’t think I’d like Marissa Meyer’s style and boy was I wrong.

The first few chapters were a bit confusing but the moment Adrian fixed Nova’s bracelet I KNEW this would steer towards romance and it sold me. And then Nightmare making fun of the Sentinel for his comic book phrases and poses was my favorite thing ever. That would be me as a superhero, no doubt.

I really liked the way the plot progressed “slowly” without feeling dragged on. In fact, despite it’s slower pace of the story, the book still felt quick and that just won a million points with me.

Don’t even get me started on the Anarchists. I LOVED them. I like how they weren’t presented as villains from Nova’s POV, just enemies of a totalitarian state. Not even just in her point of view though. I genuinely didn’t think any of them were bad until Ingrid decided to show up at the library and almost killed Sketch’s crew.

And speaking of Sketch’s crew … the minor characters??? Hello??? Who writes side characters that are SO good?? Oscar is my favorite though. He wins. Danna being the only one to question Nova about Adrian’a feelings for her was hilarious, although it stressed me out that Nova put her to sleep. Counterpoint: it was very cute that the only way she could stop thinking of Adrian liking her was by putting Danna to sleep. Very on point teenage reaction. I would’ve done the same thing if only I wasn’t trying to remain anonymous in the organization that indirectly killed my parents.

The climax, on the other hand, felt a teensy bit rushed but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy Nodrian in their not-date. It was adorable, especially when they stopped at the kid’s party and then Nova panicking over the mere thought of going on the ferris wheel with Adrian. All the carnival chapters where my favorite thing ever and I really wished they hadn’t ended with Nova killing the woman who raised her. But I did like the irony of it being Ingrid who told her she didn’t have the guts to press the trigger and then she died at the hands of Nova’s gun.

AND THE ENDING WITH ACE BEING ALIVE. That shook me. I suspected it, of course, but it shook me to my core. 10/10 plot twist there.

Archenemies ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

“I guess I figured you deserve to have good dreams every once in a while. Even if you never sleep.”

This one gets six stars because somehow I read it in 11 hours and I’ve never read such a large book in one day. The entire story was just fast-paced action, superhero world building and Nodrian flirting and eventually kissing. Best book ever.

I liked how in this book we got a closer look into other character relationships like Oscar and Ruby and then Danna’s suspicions over Nova. I would’ve liked to see more of Danna’s friendship with the team though, since at times it seemed she was only there to send passive aggressive comments at Nova. And the Sentinel’s “death” was amazing. Pure comic book material right there.

There is this thing though that I mentioned in the general review that bothered me and it’s when they reveal Agent N. This weapon they created using Max’s blood is a great example of how the Renegades had obtained way too much power. It’s when we start to see that maybe Nova and the Anarchists are right. The Renegades are slowly becoming a dictatorship and it’s bothersome that nobody except Nova and Adrian notice. Especially when it was so obvious with things like them using Agent N “against every prodigy who didn’t follow the Renegades code”. Sure, they were criminals, but that wasn’t about arresting them. It was about changing the DNA of people who made one mistake and were immediately deemed enemies of the state.

Back to the good stuff, Nodrian flirting was the highlight of this book. They’re both so awkward and adorable, especially when Nova’s teaching Adrian how to shoot and then when they’re in his room later on. The whole “you want me to ignore everything?” and “you’re not allowed to have girls in your room?” quotes KILLED me. Those were peak flirting moments and I’m immensely surprised by the way that Marissa Meyer manages to write teenagers realistically as an adult and not even having teenage kids of her own. Also, Nova opening up to Adrian was just. No. It killed me. My ghost is writing this btw.

The ending, once again, amazing. I loved it. Not only did it once again show Frostbite’s true colors, show us how much hate Adrian actually held against Nightmare and the way Nova had softened by the Renegades’ influence. And Ace Anarchy’s capture goes into the good things pile.

Supernova ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

“To be honest, I’m not sure there are such things as villains anymore. Maybe there never really were.”

Is it a bad review if I just insert the word “AH” for the next ten lines? Yes? Damn it. I admit that I was expecting something much different, but I enjoyed it nonetheless. I have never cursed and squealed so much by reading and had I not bought the hardcover with my own money, I would’ve thrown that book against the wall. It stressed me out. First of all, getting Nova and Adrian kissing in the tunnels a few chapters before Adrian arrests her for being Nightmare was another level of messed up. Clearly, she did everything in her power to save him from her house’s explosion and he threw it out the window in blind anger. And then the whole execution thing??? That was horrifying and it’s when the Renegades’ incompetence really showed its true colors. They couldn’t bring the people back to their side - because they failed - so they sentenced a broken, dying man and an underage girl who acted under the manipulation of her entire family, to death. If Hugh had ever even attempted to find out what happened to both Artino girls, none of that mess would’ve happened, but instead Lady Indomitable died and he went “WELL, can’t do anything about her last task, can we?” I get he was preoccupied by her orphaned son and the Ace of Anarchy, but it was as simple as going back into the house and searching. In fact, this entire book was just showing how their society was crumbling and in the end they went “we were all heroes”. I’m surprised Nova forgave the entire Renegades organization for what they did because even if it was Ace who sent a hit after her and her family, the Renegades were still willing to overuse their power.

And once again back to the good stuff before I end up bashing the Renegades even more, I never thought I would be on board with Adrian and Nova’s relationship at the end of the book. I try not to ship toxic relationships in YA because they happen a lot and I wouldn’t like younger readers to think that it’s okay, but I loved how both Nova and Adrian were willing to make a change for their relationship to work. They compromised because they loved each other so much it didn’t matter who had tried to kill the other person and their dad or who hadn’t advocated against the other’s execution, you know, the ups and downs of every relationship. While I do wish we had seen them talking about everything, I get a book can only have a certain amount of words and I was glad just the same with how it ended. Also, Leroy’s threat to Adrian is iconic, just like Oscar proclaiming his undying love for Ruby at the arena were they almost witnessed multiple murders.

The epilogue. Just. Wow. I knew it before because I’m smart and I spoiled it but I NEED another Renegades book. You can’t just end the series saying Evie Artino was Magpie and her being as angry as Nova once was. Like, no. You just can’t. That was a crime against humanity, tbh, but overall the series was amazing and I have never been more grateful to spend almost $80 in books.

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lady-griffin · 4 years ago

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Things Got Crazy at a Slumber Party...

I would just like to say the title of this episode is so misleading…nothing crazy happened. False Advertising!

Eat the Rich

Seeing Anne’s room made me want to talk to her and urge her to revolt against the rich and distribute their wealth.

Spare Katarina, but rise up and revolt.

When I first saw her room, I legit thought Katarina was going to be surprised by Anne’s room and maybe (somehow by the end of the episode) was going to redecorate it and upgrade it for Anne…but nope. That idea quickly faded the second it went into my head.

Revolt against the aristocrats, Anne.

Spare Katarina, but rise up and fight.

Eat the rich!

No, but in all seriousness, sometimes I have problems with anime (stories in general) where the affluent and opulent wealth of characters is just the background and it’s never going to be address in all seriousness. Particularly when they show that not everyone is as wealthy…

Why show Anne’s room to be like, if you’re never going to actually talk about it nor resolve the wealth gap. Why show her room to be depressing looking? Why not just give her a nice room? It doesn’t have to be Katarina’s room’s level of finery, but something.

That aside, let’s continue onward to the rest of the episode.

Katarina running off to tell everyone (and to thank them) for her making it to the second year, was adorable. Katarina throughout this episode was so goddamn precious.

LOOK AT HER!

JUST LOOK AT HER!

I just…Katarina must be protected at all costs. She is the best girl that ever existed.

I love this beautiful, bisexual-mess of an idiot. She’s perfection.

I’m still mad at Anne for denying Katarina’s original PJ choices. How dare you Anne! How dare you deprive me of that. How dare you!

I’m going to discuss the episode in more detail further down, so we’re going to get into some spoiler territory (I guess?). So, you’ve been warned.

Potential Spoilers Below

Anne’s view on each of the character’s feelings for Katarina was fantastic.

Geordo’s Feelings

While we didn’t actually get to see it, which was disappointing, Anne being scared of Geordo for initially telling Katarina that her scar was gone was hilarious. I am disappointed we haven’t seen Geordo at his true level of horrifying, but still…

Just his eyes narrowing may have cut a few years off of Anne’s life alone.

Keith’s Feelings

Poor Keith. Again, I don’t ship them, but still you still gotta feel bad for him.

What is the purpose of others thinking you’re good-looking, if the one person you want doesn’t?

I love Keith and his mother. They’re hilarious.

Alan’s Feelings

OMG Alan, how have you not figured it out, yet. You’re playing the violin for vegetation at the request of Katarina…I just.

Alan sweetheart, you are in love with this woman.

I do like how he actually did it for Katarina. That’s so fucking funny.

But also, just look at this face, how could he not.

It’s a good thing Katarina doesn’t want any actual political power or anything like that, she would be unstoppable.

Mary’s Feelings

Mary is several levels above everyone else. No comparison.

She is subtly convincing Katarina that Katarina won’t do well as a Princess-Consort and has already figured out a way for them to leave and probably already has a manor set up by the sea, with a field already to go for the two of them (and Anne).

Mary is a bit scary in all honesty.

Nicol’s Feelings

Nicol’s cute smile was just adorable. Nicol x Katarina aren’t really one of my main ships, but I do love the contrast between these two.

Katarina this bright and bubbly ball of energy and sunshine and Nicol, a stoic statue who has trouble expressing himself, but can’t help but smile when he’s in Katarina’s presence.

Sophia’s Feelings

Sophia wanting Katarina to get with Nicol, even though she also loves Katarina is everything. Her listing off her brother’s good qualities (at random times) is hilarious to me. Always has been.

Sophia is just so damn cute.

Maria’s Feelings

Maria is giving Katarina all the treats. Smart Lady! She may have come late into the race for Katarina’s heart, but she’s playing to win.

In general, I like how we got quick snippets of everyone’s feelings for Katarina. I also love how the anime, legit just says the girls are in love with Katarina. I’ll always appreciate that.

Anne and Katarina

Anne’s POV in this episode was just everything. I’m so glad the anime adapted it from the Light Novel, seeing as the Manga just ignored it. I’m so very happy.

When she lifted up her sleeve to reveal the burn marks, I gasped.

I wasn’t sure if the Anime was going to actually include that part (the Manga did skip over it), so I’m very happy the anime chose to include Anne’s full backstory.

It makes me sad, but it’s good angst.

It’s not the same as the Light Novel, but Anne’s backstory and her relationship with Katarina was everything. That little montage of Anne and Katarina… my heart can’t handle such cuteness.

Also, I genuinely really love how when Katarina asked Anne’s father to not take Anne away, she had a bit of a bratty vibe to her. Very similar to Katarina before she regained her memories.

Even though she has her memories, Katarina is still a kid. And I just love that.

Anne refusing her father’s order. Mwah!

I really appreciate how the anime changed that scene from the Light Novel to Anne standing up for herself and actually speaking up.

Well Done! Good Choice!

Also, Luigi Claes stepping in to talk to the Baron himself was just nice to see.

It was great seeing him being intimidating and such. While Katarina sees him as her dopey, doting father, there is more to him.

In the LN, it’s made clear that he learned about the man Anne’s father wanted to marry her off to and was not happy with that and came to Anne��s defense.

But I also just like how a part of it, is probably because Katarina wanted Anne to stay with her (and Anne wanted the same thing) and Luigi can’t deny his daughter anything.

Luigi Claes doing the right thing (because it’s the right thing) but also, because he’s the kind of father, who will give his daughter anything. There’s a reason why OG Katarina was so spoiled.

The fact that Katarina knew Anne would come into her room in the middle of the night to put her covers back on her, was just so sweet.

Because Anne probably thought Katarina never knew she even did that, but of course Katarina knew.

Katarina giving gifts to Anne and being the first person to ever give her a birthday present…I swear I’m not crying, you’re crying.

I LOVE THESE TWO!

I guess while it’s never stated, I presume all the other stuff in the box were gifts from Katarina or objects related to a fond memory Anne has of Katarina.

Which gives me a headcanon.

Headcanon – Everyone has kept all the gifts they’ve ever received from Katarina as well as certain items they associate with a specific time or event they shared with Katarina.

We know from the Light Novels, that Keith has kept all the birthday presents he’s ever received from Katarina. And I thought it was said he kept the remnants of the door Katarina broke down, but I couldn’t confirm that. But now that’s a headcanon of mine as well.

More specifically, I now have the headcanon that either Geordo or Alan kept the snake toy that Katarina first threw at Geordo all those years ago.

Probably Alan, as that memory is 100% positive one for him. While for Geordo, that memory probably mixed at best.

There is something cute about Geordo being scared of that toy, telling on Katarina and getting her in trouble, but nonetheless keeping that dreaded fake snake.

Anne and Katarina and their whole relationship was just everything. They were truly and absolutely the highlight of this episode. My heart was ready to burst.

Sleepover

Overall, it was very cute. It was nice seeing the girl’s hang out and be in their pajamas.

Katarina saving Anne from the girls’ question about marriage, was just very nice and does show Katarina is not as dense as we may think. She’s aware.

I will say, though, it was a bit lacking in comparison to the bonus Manga chapter in Vol. 5 (LN).

Particularly in regards to Mary. I mean just look at Mary in the Light Novel for comparison. It almost feels like a different scene.

Also, while I did realize this last week.

Sophia’s wish in romance and how over-the-top, pure fantasy, based on romance novels her ideas actually are, really makes her fantasy in last week’s episode (I became Engulfed by Desire) feel way more off.

And just not accurate to Sophia’s character.

You’re telling me that Nicol in his amplified fantasy is basically Tuxedo Mask jumping around Venice with Katarina, but Sophia’s amplified fantasy is just her being in her family’s library with Katarina.

I call bullshit.

Sophia’s desire book fantasy, should’ve been the most crazy and over top thing ever. 100%. And this episode confirms that.

Both Maria and Katarina wanting to cook for their partner is very lovely and shows their compatibility.

I am a bit disappointed that we didn’t get to see the boys’ sleepover, but Nicol’s eyes sparkling when he heard that the sleepover would include boy’s talk was just too precious.

His thoughts are definitely much more innocent in comparison to what Sophia was thinking when she heard about Boy’s Talk…I love Sophia.

Geordo and Katarina

I was really looking forward to seeing Ch.17.5 be adapted to the anime, but unfortunately, I was thoroughly disappointed by it.

It was much less sweet, cute and funny then it was in the Manga. Seeing the scene in the anime just made me want to read the Manga chapter again.

Seriously, you don’t have to read the whole Manga (you should though), but do yourself a favor and read Ch. 17.5. It’s amazing!

Just look at this dork

This was a golden opportunity for the anime, to really show Geordo’s feelings and relationship with Katarina from his perspective. And just endear the audience to him.

They completely dropped the ball.

I feel like the anime doesn’t understand or even like Geordo’s character. He seems less dynamic, engaging and interesting in the anime. And the aspects that make very endearing and heartfelt, are basically taken out.

He hardly comes across as the leading male…which is disappointing for me, since I really love Geordo and Geordo x Katarina.

I am very disappointed with the treatment of Geordo. The anime is doing a disservice to him, in my opinion. Especially in comparison to Alan who the anime has added extra moments for.

I do appreciate those extra Alan moments, but I would appreciate them a lot more if it didn’t feel like Geordo was being left out.

Nonetheless, Geordo’s face when he saw everyone else and when saw that they all got Katarina gardening shears as well was fantastic!

Katarina Speaks Two Languages Headcanon

I mean this episode basically confirmed that. With Katarina writing the letter to Geordo, but writing everyone’s name in Kanji (?) on their gardening uniforms.

While we do have Keith’s and Duchess Claes’ signs not being written in the country’s language, that’s more for comedy sake as those signs don’t exist in reality.

But did anyone in the Harem wonder, why Katarina wrote their names in an entirely different language? I just love the idea of everyone being shocked to learn that Katarina can speak and write fluently in two languages.

Conclusion

I overall enjoyed this episode.

Some scenes I found a bit lacking (or more than a bit) in comparison to what they were based off of from the Manga or Light Novel. I will say I liked how this episode did take its material from the Light Novels and the bonus chapter in the Manga, as well as adding their own bits and pieces.

It was well done.

I’m definitely salty over how wrong they got Ch. 17.5. I just…at times it feels like the anime gets the core of certain scenes and characters (without doing the exact same thing from the LN or Manga or adding their own scenes) just right, but for Geordo they just seem to miss the mark.

Also, the material from Ch. 17.5 just felt like it was added onto the end, it didn’t really go with the rest of the episode…

And in relation to that, Mary being subdued in the sleepover scene was disappointing as well.

I understand there are budgets and restrictions, so I’m hoping they’re saving it for the last three episodes.

Anne and Katarina were the clear highlight of this episode. Without them being the focus of the episode, I would’ve found it less enjoyable, even with all the cute and precious moments we got to see.

But overall, a lovely episode with so many precious moments and it gave me so many feels in regards to Anne and her relationship with Katarina. So many!

#Katarina Claes #Anne Shelley #Hamefura #Bakarina #Otome game no hametsu flag #destruction flag otome #my next life as a villainess #Geordo Stuart #Mary Hunt #Maria Campbell #Alan Stuart #Sophia Ascart #Keith Claes

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erisfiles · 4 years ago

Text

“Even if My Love for You Killed Me.”

IG - @kingsbtsffs / Tumblr - @prince13jimin-kingsbtsffs

“Even if My Love for You Killed Me”

characters : Kim Namjoon, Y/N

word count : sorry I’m too lazy to count

Warnings for this chapter : none

genre : angst. Hanahaki disease AU

Author’s note: Enjoy!

DO NOT PLAGIARIZE/STEAL OR YOU WILL BE REPORTED.

Disclaimer : in honor of spring i am going to be using 🌸and🌷and 🌺as indent markers

———————————-

3rd POV

🌷Y/N sat on the couch, her mind in space. She didn’t pay attention to the turned on T.V. In front of her, she was too caught up in her thoughts to care for the outside world. She felt her chest tighten as the sound of the clock ticked, it was as if it was mocking her. She squeezed her eyes as her chest pain got tighter, her hand clutched her T-shirt, bending down in pain she wanted to scream. She wanted to scream to let him the know the pain he is causing her.

🌸Hours passed and she was sitting there, she just wanted to go to sleep. Even then, she would wake up in pain. However, seeing Joonie had always made her smile. The edges of her lips had always turned upwards no matter what, even if it hurts to look at him, even if she knew that he didn’t love her anymore. She felts her eyes sting as she noticed she hadn’t blinked in a while, making her eyes tear up. Feeling suddenly emotional, she let out a sob.

🌺She tried to quiet down her sobs as she knew Joonie was coming soon. Her heart ached more and more as she thinks about the way her husband had been treating her for a year. She needed to leave, but she knew she wanted to stay. If she left him, no one would be able to make the side of his bed for him, to do his laundry, to clean up after him, to make sure he’s eating, and to make sure he’s loved.

🌷Y/N stood up, walking straight to the bathroom to calm down her puffy eyes and face with cold water. She felt her throat itch with each step she took, she felt the throat scratch the linings of her lungs day by day. She opened the drawer under the sink, reaching for a box of tissues amongst the many other boxes. She felt her hand touch nothing. She looked down realizing she had only one tissue box left. She sighed, sitting down on the bathroom floor. She didn’t want to look at her reflection, she knew she’s just become even more depressed if she did. She knew how she was ruining herself as she didn’t accept the surgery.

🌸She forced herself to stand up, walking to the balcony of their room. She smiled seeing her two twins playing in the backyard with their dog RapMon. She felt her heart clench once again as one day she was going to leave her children one day. She feared that if she got the surgery, not only will the love for her husband disappear, but so will the love for her children. She did not want them to experience it from her, but the twins knew. They knew how their father has been acting weird lately. Unknowingly, they knew what their was going through so they tried their best to live in the moment, with her.

🌺Y/N remembered when she had first experienced the symptoms, she was horrified. She did so much research about the disease, she gathered information from her friends that had done through the Hanahaki disease and the surgery. Funny enough, the only flowers she had been coughing were clematis, his birth flower. She had told him once, “My love for you is killing me.” But he had just shrugged it off and walked straight out of the house without another word, that conversation had not been brought up again. She cried herself that night, Namjoon missing from his side of the bed, probably in his mistress’. The thought of that made Y/N want to get the surgery, but she wanted to be with him even until her last breath, especially her kids.

🌷She refused to acknowledge that Her Joonie was cheating on her. The man that devoted himself to her, the man that promised to love her eternally. Her kids knew that their father had been unfaithful to their mother, choosing to not acknowledge his presence most of the time to make him taste his own medicine. Nonetheless, Namjoon did not care the least.

🌸For Namjoon, he knew he had been pushing away his family. With the stress work threw at him, he had been surrounded by the members and countless of staffs trying to comfort him at any time they can, and that was the problem. A woman had caught his eye, a woman that was not his wife. He knew that laying in bed while naked with her was something wrong. He felt his heart clench slightly as he thought of his wife. He thought it was harmless, he knew still loved his wife. He didn’t look at his mistress with love, it was just lust. They had an agreement.

🌺Looking at Y/N broke his heart. He saw the pain he is giving her but he wanted her to stay no matter how selfish it was. She didn’t know, but he had always embraced her tight when she was asleep and kissed his grip once Y/N started to stir in his sleep. He knew Y/N was in pain, but not to the point where she had a disease. In his mind, her pain will pass. He refused to know that he was hurting her more than he already was. And that mind set was going to stay.

🌷Back at home, Y/N had held their wedding picture, both young adults with the brightest smile on the earth as they looked at each other, hands intertwined, rings at show, just two people in the world, in love. The twins had fallen asleep already, clock finally hitting midnight. She let her kids do whatever they want today as she knew that it was her last day, she felt it. The last hospital visit were just multiple doctors encouraging her to take the surgery, something she knew she didn’t want even though she needed it.

🌸The sounds of the car door signified Namjoon’s arrival. The jiggling of the keys as he tried to open the door. Namjoon’s eyes softened at the sight in front of him. There sat Y/N the same way he has seen her awake at night, looking at pictures of their memories. She had always waited for him, he smiled at her lightly sitting down beside her. He put his arms around her in an embrace, “Thank you for waiting for me. I’m sorry for being late. Let’s go to bed now.” Y/N lightly nodded, kissing his cheek, and getting up on her own on the way to their bed room.

🌺Namjoon looked at her back as she walked away. He felt something was wrong as he felt his pulse raising, but like any other thing that worried him, he shrugged it off. He walked up the stairs right after her, not forgetting to stop by the twins’ room to kiss their foreheads good night even though they were asleep. He looked at them only to notice dried tear stains on their cheeks. He wiped them off with his thumb before walking away and closing the door.

🌷Reaching the bedroom, Namjoon saw Y/N sitting on the bed waiting for him. He rushed to the bathroom, also rushing his wash, not being able to wait to cuddle with his lovely wife. He jumped on the bed, turned off the light, and immediately engulfed her in his arms, not failing to notice Y/N’s enclosed fists. “What are you holding, baby?” Y/N just smiled and put her face in his neck, sniffing his scent, feeling content. She coughed, her fist covering her mouth. Y/N noticed the splatters tiny drops of blood on her hands but that didn’t bother her. She was happy he was here and that’s all that matters.

🌸Namjoon kisses the foo of her head, the warmth his wife was giving him left him content, left him relaxed. I will make it up to you. I promise , Namjoon thought. With that though he fell into a deep sleep due to his tiredness, thinking of ways to make up everything to his wife for the last year. He knew he was late to apologize and make up for things, but with their love they can overcome anything.

🌺The next morning, Namjoon woke up, the sight of his wife’s state startling him. His sobs taking over his body, the only sound to be heard in the household. The twins standing at the doorway.

“But I do love you, Y/N. I swear. Come back please.”

There she lay in bed, petals of clematis splattered in blood surrounding her as she felt her last heat beat, her gaze focused on their wedding picture, until she took her last breath and her world turned dark. In her hand, a note for him, something she hopes for him to read one day.

“I love you. Always and Forever. Even if my love for you killed me”

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laufire · 4 years ago

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supernatural

the first character I ever fell in love with: way back when, over a decade go, my gal Ruby. Although the fact that I knew beforehand that she was a demon contributed lol (either way, chronologically it would’ve happened first upon that reveal, as Bela debuted in the next episode).

a character that I used to love/like, but now do not: I’ve had my ups and downs with Crowley. Any genuine fondness was gone with 8x17 on Meg’s behalf, if I’m honest. He still has interesting moments, especially with Rowena, but his writing in the later seasons was... subpar.

a ship that I used to love/like, but now do not: I think Dabb era Destiel is a borefest lol. It’s done more to lessen my interest in the ship that the actual shit they do to each other. I still like some moments and have plenty leftover feelings for the previous eras, but at that time, I really don’t care for it.

my ultimate favourite character™: Castiel. It’s so inconvenient smh xDD

prettiest character: it used to be Meg 2.0, whose face just speaks to me xD, but I fear Rowena has dethroned. She’s my ideal woman in so many ways!!! There’s not a single scene of hers where I haven’t gotten all heart-eyes about it.

my most hated character: sometimes Dean xD (I don’t call him my Schrödingers fave for nothing), always John.

my OTP: Megstiel, although Samruby will always have a special place in my heart.

my NOTP: John/Mary. Dear fuck I hate it. It’s horrifying.

favourite episode: I’m going to actually pick one for each season (that I’ve finished so far), because why the fuck not lol:

Kripke’s era: 1x16 (the reunion with John, Meg’s trap); 2x01 (hospital episode, ghost Dean, John’s deal); 3x12 (too many candidates, but it has both Bela -briefly- AND Ruby, with a vindicating plot for the later lol); 4x16 (4x09 comes close for obvious SAMRUBY SEX reasons, but this one has Samruby bloodsharing, Castiel inner conflict, Dean vs. Alastair, Anna being badass... c’mon); 5x10 (Megstiel’s first meeting! Castiel vs. Lucifer! Crowley’s gr10 introduction! 5x04 with the post-apocalyptic AU is another contender, obviously; 5x13 with the brothers travelling to see their younger parents, 5x18... But, yk. Megstiel xD).

Gamble era: 6x20 (AS IF I could pick anything else but Castiel’s POV episode slash betrayal reveal lmfao); 7x21 (Megstiel content, Kevin as prophet).

Carver era: 8x17 (for my girl Meg, Megstiel content, the Destiel scene... shotout to 8x13 “Everybody Hates Hitler”, too); 9x09 (for Castiel stealing himself some grace, yes. Like that demon Cecily, I thought it was very sexy of him xD); 10x17 (Sastiel and Rowena content); 11x10 or 11x12 (Sam in the cage, Castiel offers himself; or the Claire episode; Chuck’s & Metatron ep and the finale episode(s) are contenders too, because I actually love the Chuck-Amara storyline lol)

Dabb era (12-13 only): it’s between 12x10 (Castiel’s backstory! Lily Sunder! Jack foreshadowing!) and 12x13 (what Rowena does to Crowley in that episode is about one of the few interesting choices Dabb has made yet lmao); s13 is more about subplots as well lol -13x04 for Castiel’s stance against The Empty and how sweet Jack is; the Wayward sisters backdoor pilot not because it’s good (it was very green), but because there was ~possibility; and 13x19 for the Rowena and Samwena content. But really, in this era nothing stands out *as* an episode :/

saddest death: Meg’s. Ruby’s was infuriating, Bela was both tragic and vindicating... with Meg, I just miss her and what she brought to the show. I want her back :(((

favourite season: there’s no one answer for this one either lol. s3 had Bela and Ruby, s4 was intense, s5 had great moments but treated its female characters even worse than usual, s6 was Something, s10 was.... REALLY something xDD

least favourite season: s12. The BMOL plot sucks, Mary’s plot was a disappointment with how much I was looking forward to it, everything starts to really decline there...

character that everyone else in the fandom loves, but I hate: sometimes Dean xDD. Though the issue is more that I fundamentally disagree with fandom’s view of him than about hate -sometimes I love him as a character, after all lol.

my ‘you’re a piece of trash, but you’re still a fave’ fave: well, I guess that’s Dean lmao. But I mean, I think most of the relevant show’s characters fit the “piece of trash” description xD

my ‘beautiful cinnamon roll who deserves better than this’ fave: Kevin, Claire, Bela, (I said what I said), Jack.

my ‘this ship is wrong, nasty, and makes me want to cleanse my soul, but I still love it’ ship: Dean/Alastair, for the opposite reasons for my conflicted feelings on every other Dean ship xDD. Castiel/The Empty. Gadreel/Sam a little lmao (the possession stuff... it gets to me). Also, this is 99% a joke, but if I were to ship incest in this show, it’d be Amara/Chuck lmao.

my ‘they’re kind of cute, and I lowkey ship them, but I’m not too invested’ ship: Samwena (although I like it more and more and I prefer it to most of Sam’s canon ships); Claire/Kaia (but only because we didn’t see more lbr); Castiel/Jo (their interactions were cute); Chuck/Rowena.

#Anonymous #replies #talking to the void #my thoughts #spn thoughts #supernatural #ty!

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sonickedtrowel · 4 years ago

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1, 2, 4, 10, 20!!

Tell us about your current project(s) – what’s it about, how’s progress, what do you love most about it?

Oh boy so I’m sure I must have mentioned it at some point but I won’t turn down a chance to ramble about it again: me and @regalpotato are working on a Day of the Doctor rewrite and I’m pretty psyched about it! Basically, Eight is there rather than War (although War does make an appearance!) and also River is there, because Duh, and there are other Things going on that are different from the episode/novel, but that’s spoilers and also still partially cooking in my brain, lol. It’s at 11k-ish right now but still pretty early in the story, too early to probably say what I will love most. But I’m having a ton of fun with it, especially the dialogue, and currently torturing Ten in every way I can think of. You know, lovingly torturing. For the most part.

That is the really big thing I’m excited about, but I do still have two prompts left from a couple weeks back (I didn’t forget you, anons!) and those are milling around in my head too waiting for inspiration to strike. 2. Tell us about what you’re most looking forward to writing – in your current project, or a future project

No secret that I love writing multi-Doctor / River stories, and in fact having somewhat recently finished an 8 and 11 / River fic I will have to be on my toes to not repeat myself too much haha. But I just love getting everyone together and letting them yell at each other for a while - the best honestly - and then later we get Revealing Conversations about Feelings, as well as POV changing chapters. Not to overhype it but! I think it’s gonna be fun! Putting the rest under a cut because I am long-winded lol.

4. Share a sentence or paragraph from your writing that you’re really proud of (explain why, if you like)

Hmmm I’ll pick something I like from the WIP that’s all my writing - this is from Night of the Doctor with Eight and Ohila, but it’s diverged from the original script here and iirc pretty much all new dialogue for Eight. I don’t normally write this sort of Doctor speech because I’m usually doing romance, but I can hear Paul McGann righteously shouting/soliloquizing in my head so I’m pretty happy with it: *** “What would you have me do?” the Doctor hissed. “What does your broken prophecy foretell? That I become one more loyal soldier in Gallifrey’s glorious army? I can join this fight and take a thousand lives, die a thousand deaths, and this war will still go on. The universe doesn’t need another soldier!” “Not a soldier,” said the Sister, “a warrior, with the power you’ve refused to wield. You could have destroyed the Daleks before they were even created.” “Yes, I could have done. And I didn’t, because I have no right! Whatever it is you think you can turn me into, Sister, you’ll continue to be disappointed. Because there’s one person who is always needed in a war: a good doctor, willing to help whomever they can. No matter if they’re despised, or called traitor— no matter who they lose or how many times they fail! There will always be more lives to save, and I’ll be there, helping, wherever I can. I only hope I’m strong enough to carry on doing it half as well as another doctor I knew.” ***

(Yes of course we have Liv Chenka references!) 10. How would you describe your writing process? It takes me forever to get ideas, but once I have a sort of general amorphous direction for the story and an emotional starting point for the characters, I just jump in. And then I keep getting shower thoughts about more and more stuff happening and what was supposed to just be some fun fluff starts growing a plot and getting wildly out of hand and this is just my life. I am very much not in control. 20. Tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble to people about (symbolism you’ve included, character or relationship development that you love, hidden references, callbacks or clues for future scenes?) Ohhhh this is such a good question! Definitely going with There is a love I reminisce because there’s a lot going on under the surface in that fic and not all of it stated super explicitly. So um, huge spoilers below if you haven’t read it!

Manhattan and Trenzalore (both times) are essentially retconned, through a combination of River’s innate abilities and Eleven going around the timeline trying to do better after being confronted with his shortcomings in TNOTD. How the Doctor survived Utah is explained and it’s not because he was in a stupid robot. It spawns an implied post-Library reunion with River, Eleven and the Doctor’s oft-referenced and never quantified or named children from Gallifrey. It implies a different resolution to the Hybrid thing and an alternate series 10. And of course it uses BF’s far-superior Ravenous 4 plot twist to preemptively annihilate the timeless children crap, and a combination of Ravenous 4 and Doom Coalition 4 to make River basically a time goddess. But maybe my favorite thing was giving life to this headcanon of mine. IT CANNOT BE REFUTED! They’ve never said ANYTHING specific about his family so it’s free real estate baby!

*** “Yes, sorry to harp on about this, honey, but I think we can discuss the regeneration semantics later,” River cut in. “You’re saying I came back from your future to your distant past and just… stayed?”

“Well… yes, I think so. There were certain things we couldn’t discuss. I had always just assumed that I’d reached the end of my last regeneration and you weren’t too pleased with that, so… You know, describing it now, it does seem very irresponsible. But I don’t recall having any complaints.”

“No, I shouldn’t think you would.” River smiled, but her mind was racing. “How would that even work? Eventually, we’d come back round to when we first met on your end, and what, I wipe myself out of your memories? Selectively, for your entire lifetime? I think you might notice a little thing like that.”

“I suppose you must have had a plan for it, but I can’t remember it now. I just remember the two of us, together through the centuries.” He smiled fondly and River felt like the ache in her chest would strangle her. “I remember our family.”

“Our what?” she cried, as the older Doctor had a sudden choking fit.

“Our family. Our children and…” Dread slowly dawned on the young Doctor’s sweet face. “Oh, please, no,” he whispered. “Don’t tell me they’re… No, this happened! It happened in both versions of my memories!” He looked to his older self, panic-stricken. “Tell me you remember!”

“You had a family,” River soothed, as Babyface stumbled over his own tongue. “It just wasn’t with me.”

“What?” he laughed incredulously. “Who else would it be?”

“Your first wife, sweetie. I’m your second. Well, the second one that counts.”

“No, that’s— I’m sorry, that’s nonsense.” He turned to the older Doctor again. “You can’t tell her, is that it? Because she hasn’t done it yet? I’m sorry, River, maybe I shouldn’t have—”

“No!” Babyface shouted, finally collecting himself. “Yes, we— I had a family, on Gallifrey, before I ever left. River wasn’t there, obviously, because that’s not how anything works!”

“Who, then?” the young Doctor demanded. “Who was your first wife?”

“I— I— she was—” He opened and closed his mouth silently, looking increasingly horrified.

“You don’t like to talk about it,” River explained. “She passed away.”

“Yes, but just between me and myself,” the young Doctor pressed on with an utter absence of tact that made it easier than ever to see this was the same man before her, “who was she? And your children, what were their names?”

River hesitated, watching as the older Doctor wrestled with himself. These were details not even she had ever asked him for. She knew the general outline, of course, and that was enough. It was a hurt so deep and so impossibly ancient, she couldn’t truly imagine how distant it must be for him now. No sense in forcing him to open that door and dwell on it again.

“I, I don’t,” he finally muttered, looking almost fearful, “I don’t talk about it. I don’t think about it.”

“You’ve forgotten them,” the young Doctor said, voice low and furious. “How could you?”

“S-Susan,” Babyface stammered, wide-eyed. “I left Gallifrey with Susan.”

A relieved smile flashed across the young Doctor’s face. “And where did you suppose she came from?”

“No, she… I don’t…” Chair legs scraped abruptly across the tile as the older Doctor bolted up from his seat, white-faced, and stumbled back from the table.

“Doctor?” River stood, her hearts racing.

His eyes met hers for a split second, the strange terror in them sending a chill through her, and then he was gone like a shot.

“Doctor!” She made to chase after him, but his younger version was still clasping her hand.

“He’ll be fine,” he reassured her. “He’s just working it out.”

“Working it out?” she repeated, too stunned to reach out and grasp for the obvious. She turned to him in a daze. He smiled, and for a fleeting moment she fancied she could see the long contentment of a life she’d never dared dream of, etched in each little line on his older, younger face.

“I told you, River.” He laid his other hand over hers, warm and steady. “It was always you.” ***

#thank you so much for these they were great questions!!#i need to like shut up though these are such long answers lollllll #amillionmillionvoices

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