#that their time together wasn't just a blip in her life

[cinnamonsikwate]

watching the first 2 episodes of frieren last year shook me so bad i still can't get myself to continue it, but between what i remember of it and the nightmares episode of dungeon meshi i can't stop thinking about the ways laios would prepare marcille for his death. what would he leave behind to remind her that he (and by extension all the people she loved and who loved her) are still with her in spirit, even if not in body?

[thatonebrazilian]

Tolerate it

Summary: Everyone assumed you were fine, but what would they do if you just... broke free?

Pairings: Natasha Romanoff x Reader; undertones of Carol Danvers x Reader; Platonic Clint Barton x Reader; mentions of platonic Wanda Maximoff x Reader.

Word count: Around 6K

TW: Deep angst, assassination attempt, betrayal of trust, suicidal thoughts, dealing with grief, self sacrifices.

A/N: I've been in the mood for angst, apparently. And I actually wasn't planning on writing anything (I shouldn't have, I was short for time as it was), but I was listening to Taytay and the fic just came to me. This will probably hurt a lot. Just hurt, not much comfort. Let there be pain.

You didn't know what you did wrong. You didn't know how you could fix this. You didn't know if it even could be fixed.

All you did, all you could do, was just sit there and watch her. She was reading, her head low, almost as if she was trying to keep a barrier between you two.

You sat in the corner of the room, watching her as she immersed herself in reports. The soft glow of the lamp cast a delicate halo around her, illuminating her beautiful, beautiful features. And yet, on that night, as on many before, the light seemed unable to reach her eyes. 

You knew she was struggling, you were too. Everyone was. The Blip had taken many from their families, and the toll it took on those who stayed made many more lose their loved ones. The remaining Avengers lost Clint to his own darkness, and you lost the love of your life to what you could only describe as self-isolation.

Natasha had always had an unhealthy work-life balance, yet you always managed to counter that… But not anymore.

You had been together for what felt like an eternity, intertwined in a love that once knew no bounds. Now, though, there was a growing chasm separating the two of you. Natasha would only engage in conversations that revolved around missions and saving the world, and none of those came from you.

You used to be an Avenger too, with powers so astronomical that you never learned to control them. Bruce and Tony had to create some sort of inhibitor for you, lest you destroy the world by mistake.

You were probably one of the most powerful beings out there, but having no control whatsoever of your powers would only bring destruction, so you learned to live without them, the bracelet Tony made never leaving your wrist.

Being a somewhat powerless avenger was hard, but it was worth it. You saved people, you helped your friends.

But since the Blip things have changed. 

After watching Wanda, one of your best friends, disappear right in front of your eyes; after seeing Clint's descent into darkness, you didn't feel like fighting anymore. So you decided to stop, you stopped so you could take care of yourself, take care of Natasha.

They were small, the things you did for her, but meaningful nonetheless. You'd wait by the door every day to greet her like a god-damned war hero, to show her some love and comfort after a hard day at work; you'd make her favorite dishes, lay the table with your best cutlery; you even took upon painting as it seemed to ease your mind, and you'd use your best colors for her portraits (and there were many)... And yet, all Natasha gave back were lukewarm smiles; hums, and nods in acknowledgment of your attempts at conversation, and a lackluster "thanks". 

She seemed to simply… Tolerate it.

~

You woke up in the wee hours of the morning, the sun hadn't risen yet, and the moonlight shone through the curtains, casting a soft glow across the room. Your gaze fell upon Natasha, who lay beside you sleeping lightly. The rise and fall of her chest matched the rhythm of her breathing, a calming sight that used to bring you comfort.

But then, as you watched her, you noticed a subtle alteration in her breathing patterns, something that would go unnoticed by anyone else. The steady rhythm became irregular, interrupted by moments of slightly shallower breaths and the briefest of pauses. There was a tension in her muscles that hadn't been there a second ago, almost as if a silent battle was being waged beneath her immaculate skin.

Natasha's eyes remained closed, her face serene as if she was lost in the most peaceful of dreams. But you knew the truth. She was pretending to be asleep. It felt like she didn't want to wake up beside you, like she simply tolerated your presence, but now even that tolerance seemed to be waning.

You wanted to reach out, to offer her solace, to take all the pain away, but the invisible barrier between you seemed impossible to break through. The distance that had grown between you now felt like a vast expanse, impossible to bridge. Her closed eyes spoke volumes, a silent plea for space, for time, for avoidance.

Your heart ached with the weight of unspoken words, your eyes burned with the sting of unshed tears. You missed Clint, he'd know how to deal with this, he'd help her, but he'd help you, too. He'd hug you and tell you that everything was gonna be ok, he'd make sure it'd turn out that way. You missed Wanda, she'd take you out to eat ice cream, watch silly sitcoms with you, tell you the stupidest jokes just to see you crack a smile, she'd even threaten Natasha if she imagined the other redhead was hurting you in any way, shape or form.

You missed your life, your old life, before the Blip.

You turned away from her, not wanting her to see the tears in your eyes in case she opened hers.

~

As it turns out, the first time Natasha had a semblance of a real conversation with you in… You don't even know how many weeks… Was to ask you to join a team to take down whatever new evil had shown up.

You didn't even think twice about it, you took the job, you'd do anything to get closer to her again.

The team consisted of you, Steve, and Carol, who was visiting Earth. You didn't even know where you were headed or who you were facing, you just wanted to come back with an excuse to actually talk to your fianceé. 

As you prepared to get into the jet, you saw her there, giving off directions before everyone boarded. You wrestled with conflicting emotions, torn between respecting Natasha's need for distance and the overwhelming desire to break through the walls she had erected. 

You felt a hand on your shoulder then, too warm to be Nat's, and you immediately felt the comfort she radiated.

Carol wasn't the most sentimental person, she wouldn't tell you that everything would be fine, she wouldn't offer comforting words, but she'd be there, a warm unwavering presence amidst the chaos (even if you rarely saw each other in person). She was the one good thing that the Blip brought you.

"Don't think too much about it," the blonde said, already knowing what was on your mind. "Keep your head in the game, I don't want you getting hurt out there, ok?"

You nodded while managing to keep to yourself the strong urge to hug her, to seek comfort in that friendly and familiar warmth of hers.

She nodded back, turned and boarded the jet, having already reviewed with Natasha her role in the mission.

You looked at your fianceé only to find her eyes already on you. You didn't think too much into it, though, she was probably just reviewing in her head the role you'd have for this mission.

Once again you found yourself wanting to go to her, but the fear of rejection loomed over you, a haunting presence that whispered of the potential pain that awaited if you ventured too close.

You turned away and stepped in the jet.

~

You stumbled into the Avengers' compound, a dull ache radiating from your wounded shoulder, the bloodstained clothes doing nothing to give you comfort.

The mission had taken an unexpected turn, and both you and Steve got shot. Multiple times.

As soon as you stepped through the quinjet's door Natasha was there, the worry in her eyes making you question if you were hallucinating. She walked to you, her eyes never leaving yours, it was almost as if you could feel her again, the old Natasha, your Natasha.

"What the fuck happened? You weren't supposed to get hurt!" she exclaimed in a mix of anger, desperation and concern. She ran her hands through her unkempt hair. It was an uncommon sight, indeed, to see her so disheveled.

You knew she had been worried, the moment Steve reported back you could hear her pacing back and forth through the comms, you just didn't know it would affect her this much. You didn't think she cared anymore.

Almost as if sensing your thoughts, Natasha took a hesitant step closer and reached for your hands. "You got me really worried." She said, her eyes looking deep into yours, her hands soothingly cold to the touch. 

You could see she wanted to say something else, but almost as if she was waging a silent war against herself, she shook her head, released your hands and sighed. "Go to the med bay. I'll meet you there."

You nodded weakly, too tired from blood loss to argue. Too tired in general.

As you made your way to the medical facilities, the pain in your shoulder intensifying with each step, you couldn't help but think of all the times Clint saved your ass from stupid bullet wounds like these, or how Wanda would literally create a shield around you whenever you faced danger.

You missed them, you missed Wanda so much, and you couldn't help but wish it was you and not her. And Clint, god, you hated what he became, you hated the Ronin, you hated that he wasn't there to heal by your side, to heal with Natasha, but you still missed him so much.

As you entered the med bay, you were greeted by a warmth that made you question how she could have gotten there first.

"Bold move, jumping in front of a sea of bullets like that" Carol said, there was no warmth in her voice though. You closed your eyes.

"I couldn't let them shoot that child," you said, sitting on a cot and looking apologetically at her.

Carol gritted her teeth, her eyes scanning your wounded shoulder, the part of you that got the most hits, with a mix of worry and anger written across her face.

"So you just deemed your life less valuable than hers and decided to throw it away?" She clenched her fists.

"That's not it and you know it," you said in a small voice. It was worse, but no, she didn't know it. She didn't need to. You didn't want to burden her too.

Carol's eyes softened, she took a couple steps towards you and touched your uninjured shoulder. "I just worry about you, sweet girl." She said and sighed, "Look, I know you don't have much to live for right now, but you're one of my best friends, I wouldn't be able to deal with it if something ever happened to you. And by the looks of it neither would Natasha, despite all the shit she's been pulling."

It was amazing how Carol, just like Wanda before her, was able to fill you with lightness. With them, as well as with Clint, you felt cherished, cared for. You could never be more thankful for the blonde in front of you. Without Clint and Wanda here to support your near Natasha-less life, Carol was the one thing keeping you sane.

You just wished being sane was enough.

You managed a weak smile, though, and even if felt forced, it still seemed to have convinced Carol that you were ok. "I'll be fine, Carebear. Just a flesh wound. I know I haven't been in the field for a while, but it's nothing I can't handle."

Carol fought off a smirk. "Promise me you won't pull shit like that again, at least".

You saluted her, a mocking smile on your face, despite the ache you felt inside. "Aye, aye, Captain!"

She chuckled and shook her head, "You're the worst".

"But you love it!" Your answering smile was more genuine this time.

Her smile grew bigger, and you wished you could see it in person more often.

"I actually do." She said, shaking her head once more and turning away to leave the med bay.

It didn't take long for a nurse to come to tend to you. There were many bullet wounds around your body, although most were superficial. The worst was indeed your shoulder, having been hit four times.

You bitterly wondered how you could still be alive with all of these bullet holes around your body.

The minutes passed by, and yet there was no sign of Natasha, so after all your wounds have been treated and dressed you decided to go look for the redhead.

It was a bad idea. As you located her, your heart sank. There she was, tending to Steve's wounds, her focus solely on him. Even though there was nothing romantic about the situation, the sight of them together stirred a mix of emotions within you. Jealousy, longing, confusion. Betrayal. You wondered if there was something more between Natasha and Steve, a connection that surpassed friendship. You wondered why she would deem him deserving of having his wounds treated personally by her while you were sent to a nameless nurse.

Your mind raced, struggling with the whirlwind of emotions that engulfed you. Doubts crept in, and you questioned the very nature of your relationship with Natasha. Did she even love you still? Has she ever? Where was that woman who threw blankets over your barbed wire, leaving you just soft enough for all your other friends to approach? Why has she left you behind in her pursuit to build this new world instead of taking you along with her? The uncertainty gnawed at you, intensifying the ache in your shoulder. You made her your temple, your mural, your sky, but now you were left begging for footnotes in the story of her life.

As you stood there, watching her tend to his injuries, a deep sense of loneliness washed over you. The weight of the lack of acknowledgment you've been getting from her grew heavier, casting a shadow over the bond you once shared. The pain in your shoulder felt insignificant compared to the ache in your soul.

At that moment, you realized you couldn't take it anymore. You loved Natasha, you would probably love her till the end of your days, but you knew your love should be celebrated, and yet all she did was tolerate it.

~

You never thought about what she would do if you broke free, leaving the two of you in ruins. But that's what you did, you took the chains that bound you to Natasha and broke them.

You still longed for her, though, the neverending love you held for the woman felt like a dagger piercing your heart, a constant reminder of what you craved for, of what you once had. You wanted to remove it, to see it clatter to the ground as you bled out.

It was weird to gain the weight of her then lose it, but you needed to do it, you had to.

You were doing it for her as much as for yourself. Natasha had lost so, so much, but there was one person who could still come back, so you went to look for him, more in hopes of helping her than fulfilling your own desire of seeing him again.

Even if she didn't love you (which was the impression you got when you told her you'd be gone, looking for Clint, only to get a blank stare in response), you still loved her, you still wanted her to be as happy as she could, and you knew Clint was the person to make that happen, he was her best friend as much as he was yours.

You needed to help her heal somehow.

"She's been a mess since you left," Carol had said once during a video call, the vast expansion of the universe now looming right behind her, "don't ever tell her I said that, though." The grimace on her face told you she wasn't kidding.

"Steve's been trying to help more, even I am; I've been to earth since you left more times than I've been throughout my whole life. I'm afraid that if I stay gone too long, she won't be there when I come back… Since you left she barely takes care of herself. The place's a mess, she hasn't been eating much, and, again, don't ever tell her I said this, but I thought I'd never see her cry, and yet…"

You wondered if it had been all in your head, the way she seemed to avoid you, the way she seemed to take you for granted, the way she seemed to merely tolerate you.

In the midst of a turbulent storm of emotions, a newfound sense of urgency propelled your every step. You needed to find Clint, you needed to find him so you could go back to her, to see if she was really deteriorating that much, to ask her if it was all in your head, if you got it wrong somehow, if she actually loved you.

Time seemed to both crawl and fly, leaving you with moments of self-reflection in the solitude of your journey. Doubts and insecurities waged war within you, tearing at the fabric of your clarity. What if you discovered that Natasha's love had been genuine, but she had struggled to express it? What if she was simply too freshly traumatized to express it, and you had abandoned her at her worst moment?

You needed to go back to her, even if it was just to figure it out. But you wouldn't go back without Clint, you couldn't.

So you searched, and searched, and searched. And as you finally stood before Clint, his weathered face bearing the marks of his own battles, you found yourself engulfed in a deep ache. Two of the people you loved the most were immersed in pain, and you could do nothing to help.

"I can't believe you traveled so far, came all the way here for this," Clint spat, his voice filled with anger, his eyes filled with tears. "To ask me to come back so I can help her. Do you even worry about me? Did you ever stop to think that I lost my family? My wife's gone, Y/N! I lost my kids! Do you really think that I'm not dealing with my own shit right now?"

You shook your head, tears welled up in your eyes too, matching the anguish in your voice. "Fuck you, Clint! I'm not here just for her and you know that! You're my best friend, goddamnit, and you've been gone for years! I know you're hurting, but you gotta know that what you're doing is wrong, and it's not gonna bring Laura and the kids back." You shook your head, remembering the way the kids would all call you auntie Y/N/N. You sighed and shook your head in disappointment. "They would actually be ashamed of what you became."

You knew it was a low blow, but it was the truth, and he needed to hear it 

The moment he seemed to register those words, Clint's eyes became full of this sort of anger that you've never seen your friend display. But again, this wasn't Hawkeye, this was Ronin. 

Clint advanced upon you with rage in his eyes, his hand went to your throat, a dagger suddenly pressing against your ribs.

"Take that back." He said through gritted teeth, and you felt your eyes filling with tears once again.

Of course he wasn't above hurting you like this. He, too, didn't care about your own pain. 

You were tired, you were so fucking tired.

"Do it." You said, your voice devoid of emotions, the hollowness you now felt was all it conveyed. "It's not gonna make any difference if I'm gone, anyway."

You'd be just another death on his account, just a wisp of a memory in Natasha's mind.

Clint's brows furrowed, but his grip was unrelenting. You took your hands to his, the one holding the dagger, and pulled it up, so it wasn't resting above your ribs anymore, but right at your heart.

"Please," you said with a wavering voice, looking him deep in the eyes, trying to appeal no more to your friend, but to Ronin, "do it. Please."

The dagger clattered to the ground, Clint took a step away, looking at his hand as if it had personally offended him. He then looked at you, but you didn't meet his eyes, you were too absorbed looking at the dagger on the ground, feeling the brisk sense of freedom evading you as it finally stopped moving.

You then felt his arms around you, your head suddenly tucked into his neck.

"I'm so sorry," he said, his voice sounding desperate "I'm so sorry, Y/N, I'm so sorry," he kept repeating, and repeating, and repeating. 

You shook your head, your own desperation making you cling to him "Why didn't you do it? Why couldn't you just kill me?!"

His arms tightened around you as you both fell to your knees.

"I'm sorry," he just repeated, "I'm sorry I took this path, I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. I'm sorry I wasn't a good friend."

You wished that he being sorry was enough.

~

When you came back, there was a talk about fucking time travel. The Ant-guy was back, and so was Tony, Thor, and even Bruce. Everything seemed to be falling into place, so why did you still feel so…. broken?

But, somehow, as you and Clint stepped foot inside the Avengers compound, the familiar surroundings embraced you like a long-lost home. The tension that has seemed to permeate your very bones during the journey began to ease, replaced by a cautious hope for what awaited you.

You knew things wouldn’t instantly fix themselves up; Natasha wouldn’t just come to you and apologize for all she’s done (no, that wasn’t like her at all); your heart wouldn’t suddenly be mended, even if she did; your mind wouldn't let you forget the pain, the deep ache the past five years inflicted upon you.

And yet, there was hope.

There was the possibility of bringing Wanda back, of having Carol around more often, of doing something good for humanity. Of making Natasha happy again.

The moment the doors opened you saw her. She was talking to the Ant-guy and to Bruce, her brows furrowed as she nodded along.

And then she turned her head and caught sight of you, and of who was by your side. Her eyes widened in disbelief when she saw Clint standing there, and a glimmer of something flickered within them, something akin to hope, but also akin to sorrow. Without a second thought, she started walking in your direction, coming faster and faster until she was running. 

When Natasha reached Clint, she threw her arms around him, pulling him into a long-awaited embrace. Tears pooled in her eyes, slowly streaming down her cheeks as she closed them. 

There was a little lightness in your heart as you saw them hug, some sort of knowing that she'd be ok even if you weren't around anymore. She wouldn't starve herself, she wouldn't push everyone away, she wouldn't shut down. She'd survive, and then she'd move on.

In that moment, as Natasha clung to Clint, her teary eyes slowly opened. There, through the blur of her emotions, she looked right at you. And the gratitude that radiated from her gaze was palpable, as if a thousand unspoken words were contained within that single look. 

Her hold on Clint loosened slightly as her eyes locked onto yours, lingering for a brief, intense moment. The world seemed to fade away, leaving only the two of you suspended in time as the weight of her gaze met yours.  It felt as if the universe held its very breath, waiting for the next chapter to unfold. 

You wished you could say you could feel her love through that gaze, but you didn't know if you could use that word to describe what Natasha felt for you. Maybe she regretted what she did; maybe you became her anchor, even if unbeknownst to you, and she felt like she needed you to function; maybe she felt like she owed you something for bringing Clint back. You didn't know what it was, but you couldn't shake the feeling that the word love would be the wrong one to describe her feelings for you. Gratitude, thankfulness, maybe, but not love.

You smiled a sad smile, and nodded your head in acknowledgment to the gratitude in her eyes. 

Natasha furrowed her brows and pulled away from Clint as she saw you walking away from her, but before she could come after you, Clint caught her hand and walked towards the opposite direction. He wanted a conversation in private.

You just knew he was going to tear her a new one for what she did to you. During your journey back he had apologized more times than you could count, his words still engraved in your mind.

"I'll do whatever it takes to earn back your trust," he had vowed, his voice filled with determination. "I'll prove to you day after day that I care, that I value our friendship above all else. What happened the other day… it'll never happen again, I promise you that. I was too absorbed in my own pain, so much so that I hurt you, but I would never do that intentionally, Y/N. You're like a sister to me, I'd never willingly hurt you. I love you too much for that."

Maybe his love was real, but you didn't have it in yourself to just forgive and forget.

Maybe one day the gods would deem you worthy of love. True love, not the kind that hurts you.

~

"A soul for a soul" the Redskull said, turning the vast expense of cosmic beauty before you into something bleak, final. "You must sacrifice that which you love."

Your eyes wandered, drinking in the breathtaking scenery, the towering cliffs and cascading waterfalls; it seemed like a paradise carved from dreams. 

But the words hanging in the air casted a somber shadow over the planet's beauty, and as you stood near its vibrant precipice, the weight of what had to be done pressed upon the three of you. 

Destiny had brought you here, demanding a sacrifice.

It was a curse and a blessing all at once.

"If we don't get that stone, billions of people stay dead," Natasha stated, her voice tinged with determination, almost as if she was trying to keep herself strong.

Of course she'd want to be sacrificed, the selfless fool that she was.

Clint's gaze met hers, his eyes filled with a mixture of conflict and resignation. "Then I guess we both know who it's got to be," he replied, the weight of his words hanging heavily in the air. They didn't spare a single glance your way, it was almost as if they had mutually decided that you were to live.

A subtle sadness washed over Natasha's features as she nodded in agreement. "I guess we do."

You closed your eyes. You had been wanting this for so long, you had craved the peace I'd bring, you had fantasized about it, about closing your eyes and never opening them again.

And yet… you found yourself wanting to cling to life with an unwavering grip.

As Clint and Natasha looked at each other, you found yourself wanting to greet Laura, Lila, Coop and Nate when they came back, you found yourself wanting to have a nice day out with Yelena. You found yourself wanting to embrace Wanda and never let her go.

It hurt to know you wouldn't be able to do any of that.

"I'm starting to think we mean different people here, Natasha." Clint said then, his voice wavering slightly.

For a moment, Natasha's gaze lingered on Clint, her eyes reflecting the depth of her conviction. "For the last five years, I've been trying to do one thing: get to right here," she confessed. "That's all it's been about. Bringing everybody back."

She looked at you then, her eyes brimming with tears "I was so focused on it that I drove away the one person I had promised myself never to hurt.",

You couldn't look her in the eye, you couldn't let her see your decision through your gaze.

Clint's shoulders seemed to sag, you could see the self-blame he felt right through his eyes, even if they were focused on Nat. "And that's why it gotta be me. You spent all this time trying to help what was left of the world. Me… you know what I've done. You know what I've become." He shook his head, his eyes turning to you as well "If you haven't gotten to me, I'd still be killing an untold number of people without a care for who it'd hurt."

"Well," you said, shrugging, trying to lighten the mood a little "I don't judge people on their worst mistakes." There was no point in holding grudges anymore.

"Neither do I." Natasha said, looking at him. Her eyes turned to you then, full of sadness, longing , and regret. "I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me."

You walked towards her and pulled her in by the hand, your forehead resting against hers.

"I love you, Nat. You've been forgiven since day one." You said.

Natasha's tears streamed down her cheeks as she buried her face in the crook of your neck.

You saw from the corner of your eye Clint taking a step back, as if to go to the cliff. You extended your hand to him as well. He stopped in his tracks and took a couple steps in your direction, taking your hand in his.

He smiled a sad smile, his eyes red. "Tell my family I love them" he said, and tried to pull his hand away, but you gripped it with all the strength you had.

"Tell them yourself," Natasha said, pulling away from you as well.

You sighed, your eyes burning with unshed tears. You didn't want to die anymore. You wanted to live.

But you couldn't let them sacrifice themselves.

You ripped the bracelet Tony made from your wrist. It clattered on the ground. Natasha and Clint's eyes widened, almost as if they hadn't even thought of the possibility of you being the one to jump.

You felt an unbearable heat rising up from inside out, your lungs burned, your chest, your torso, your whole body. 

"Y/N what the hell are you doing?!?" Natasha yelled out, trying to get to the bracelet on the floor, but the burning winds that seemed to suddenly emanate from you wouldn't let her get closer.

"Take care of each other. And of Wanda and Carol. That 's all I ask." You said, your voice no longer solely yours.

You saw a rising shadow on the ground, signaling the presence of wings on your back. Blood red wings engulfed in flames. The Phoenix's wings.

Clint was rooted to the ground, your power vicious enough to paralyze those of weaker minds.

Natasha, though? She was fighting to get to you, the winds clearly burning her skin, yet she didn't give up. You turned away from her, not wanting to see her struggle.

It was a short walk to the edge of the cliff, you didn't want to look back. If you said goodbye it'd make it feel more real. So you just jumped.

And then you felt her hand on your wrist, the searing heat making her skin burn, and yet, she didn't let go.

"No, please. Not you." She cried, and even with tear stained cheeks she was the most beautiful woman you've ever seen "I can't lose you like this. The world can't lose you. You're the only one of us that really deserves to live life to its full potential."

And then, as if her touch made your power purr in her presence, Clint broke free, running to where you were dangling and taking your other wrist in his hands.

This was hurting them, both physically and mentally, you saw the skin on their hands blistering, you saw the redness in their arms, the tears in their eyes not just from the pain.

"Let me go," you said with a sad smile. They had their families, they had their jobs, their missions; their homes. 

You had nothing, all you did was take up too much space or time. They deserved to live, even if you left them in ruins.

"It's not gonna work!" Natasha shouted in desperation, her expression one of pure anguish "I don't love you! It's not gonna work!"

You smiled sadly at her. She really didn't love you, did she? She just tolerated you.

"It 's ok, Natty. It'll work. You may not love me, but Clint does " you said, smiling at her through your own tears. 

"Y/N, please, don't do this," Clint begged too, sobbing as he held onto you with all his strength.

"It's ok," you repeated, and if it was to calm them or yourself , you didn't know, "it's gonna be ok".

You used whatever little control you had over your powers to push them away. As your body tumbled to the ground the last thing you remembered was the way Natasha used to laugh at your jokes, enjoy your food, take you out on dates. The last thing you remembered was how she used to love your presence, and not just tolerate it.

Maybe one day someone would be enough to have their love celebrated by her.

~

When Natasha and Clint woke up not much later in a galaxy colored lake, she clutched the stone that had appeared in her hands, wishing with all her might that it turned out different, that the last words she said to you weren't "I don't love you."

She loved you. Always did. Always would.

~

Wanda sat in front of your gravestone, her hair disheveled, her eyes red shot, her cheeks tear stained. She hugged her knees as she sobbed, longing for the presence of who could no longer be by her side. She had lost her parents, then Pietro, Vision, and now you.

She sobbed more and more, the pitiful sound getting louder.

She felt a hand on her shoulder then, and she looked up to see red shot brown eyes.

Carol sat beside her, taking her hand and squeezing it a little. 

She understood what Wanda was going through, she was grieving you as well, and even though Wanda and Vision were planning on starting a life together, the witch suspected the Captain wouldn't have said no if you'd asked the same thing from her. So she, too, lost her love, even if she never got the courage to confess it.

It was a hot day, the sunlight shone perpendicular through the clearing where your grave has been put, creating a magical scenery all around the place.

And yes, the day was hot, but was it supposed to be this hot? 

Wanda shook her head, her brows starting to sweat.

And then the sunlight vanished, as if something gigantic was blocking its path. She and Carol looked up, but all they could see were the trees blocking the sky from view.

The animalistic cry they heard didn't come from the trees, though.

Neither did the blood red feather falling through the leaves, its tip engulfed in fire.

Wanda and Carol looked at each other, and for the first time in weeks, they smiled.

Natasha Romanoff Taglist: @strangegardentaco, @madamevirgo, @Lovelyy-moonlight, @agent99galanzo, @red1culous

[bluehourbucky]

Oooooo yes. Oki it's a bucky/reader

Reader was an asset at the same time as bucky and her orders were to keep him safe at all costs, so even if it ends with her taking a bullet. So they've had an intense relationship and hydra being hydra uses it against both of them.

Fast forward to the snap, she doesn't get dusted and manages to escape hydra. She meets nat who helps with her trigger words. They don't fix her since shuri is gone but ends up tweaking it so she's really only listening to her handler- nat or bucky as that's a default lol.

Come to the blip and her and bucky reunite and he has some lingering winter solider tendencies when it comes to her and being protective af. So Sam being sam notices it and gives bucky shit. He snaps and essentially says that she reminds him of hydra and can't stand her.

So typical angst troupe. She avoids him until they get put on a mission and she gets triggered. So bucky ends up taking care of her. Can be smutty lol. Like any part of this can be used. Doesn't have to be the whole thing lol

a/n: Hope you don't mind I simplified it cus I think I'd need more than one part to write all of this properly!!!

Hope you enjoy reading this I put all of the angst into it 😅😅

Sorry this is so long 😅😅😅

MY FIRST REQUEST EVER!!!!

To forgive

pairing: bucky x exhydrasoldier!reader

summary: tension between you and Bucky is unbearable and when a misson goes wrong apologies are in order

warnings: f word couple of times / angst a lot of it

masterlist

_______________________________________

Sam actually doesn't know how he managed to get stuck with not one but two super soldiers who have a staring problem but this is his reality right now.

Recently you and Bucky have been staying with Sam since you two could not live with each other alone anymore.

Bucky became your roommate after everyone came back after the snap.

At that point you were 5 years free of Hydra and mostly recovered, you had been found by Natasha and she had helped you a lot and so has Steve. Steve already had experience watching his friend struggle with what had Hydra done and his heart ached seeing his friend in you. The same lost and broken expression made him sad.

They did everything they could, Natasha and Steve even bought you to Wakanda but without Shuri the progress was slow but it was still progres.

Steve before leaving talked to both you and Bucky and suggested you two could help each other out since there was no one else who could understand more what you two had lived through.

It had been good in theory but in practice it was not.

Buckys' recovery was way past yours, and it frustrated you, you were angry especially because you still had this need to protect Bucky at all times.

Being Hydras punching bag was not fun, you didn't blame Bucky it wasn't easy for him either but he was so precious to them that they needed someone to protect the most important asset. It wasn't like you were the only one, you just survived the longest. There had been many before you, who had been removed or just killed in a mission to protect The Winter Soldier.

To Bucky, you were just a reminder of the torture he had survived. Some nights neither of you slept because the same nightmares haunted you, and yet you didn't talk to each other.

You both remember very little about each other from your time in Hydra, the pain is the only thing you both remember so clearly.

It had become impossible to stay together the night when Bucky had a nightmare and you had tried to help, it was awful. That night when Bucky woke up he had thought he was back at Hydra because he saw you. He yelled and screamed and even attacked you, telling you to let him go, and you didn't even defend yourself immediately going back to your training with Hydra.

"Protect the asset no matter what. your life is not important, the winter soldier must be saved. Do not hurt the asset or you will be punished."

That night had changed everything. The weak friendship that you've had with Bucky vanished and all you ever did was fight.

"The dishes aren't washed princess."

"Can the Winter Soldier throw out the trash sometimes?

"Does princess need to be reminded to not use all the hot water."

Oh but the missions are the worst for everyone.

Sam started to bring a spray with him whenever you and Bucky even try to speak to each other because sometimes it is so unbearable that it could ruin the mission.

Sometimes against your wish you jump in to protect Bucky, the Hydra training instincts rooted deep inside you.

"You don't have to protect me!"

"I don't have a choice here asshole! If it were up to me I wouldn't care less if something happened to you!"

But when Bucky had jumped from an airplane without a parachute your heart had dropped. And it was not because your instincts had kicked in, you had watched the man you've been protecting many decades jump from an airplane that was like 30000ft in the air!

You put a parachute on you and brought one with you and jumped after him.

"Dumbass you forgot something!" you had yelled over the wind catching up to Bucky.

He'd ignored the parachute you tried to give him and left you to just watch him descend.

You have no idea how he survived but you were pissed off and were ready to kill him yourself.

"ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE? WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU JUMP WITHOUT A PARACHUTE!"

"WHY DO YOU CARE IT'S MY PROBLEM IF I JUMP OR NOT!"

"NOT IF YOU ASK ME! I LOST MY LIFE TO PROTECTING YOU AND YOU DO THAT! YOU'RE SO SELFISH!"

You had pushed him hard enough so he stumbled a bit but that's only because he didn't expect it. Bucky had also received a slap to the face which Sam might have enjoyed way too much. It had caused an actual fight between two of you and it took Sam 30 minutes to separate you. By the time you had to fight people you had come to fight in the first place you and Bucky already had battle wounds.

Tonight you're in Madripoor and the plan was that Bucky pretends to be The Winter Soldier, it made you nervous.

Sharon had give you a dress and some flat boots in case you needed to run, Bucky and Sam had received some very nice suits.

When you saw Bucky in a suit your heart flipped at the sight of him. You've never seen him in a suit before and you weren't sure how to feel about it. He looked handsome, it's not the first time you had that thought but usually there was annoyance clouding any other thoughts about Bucky.

When Bucky looked at you as you exited the room you were changing in his brain and heart malfunctioned. He'd never seen you in a dress before, you preferred clothes that covered your body completely - the scars on your body made you feel very insecure - Bucky was the same the more his body is cover the less attention he has on himself.

But God, have you taken his breath away. It isn't like he thinks you're ugly, you're gorgeous, and if you had known each other back when he was himself and before you had been brainwashed to protect him he would've loved to have taken you to a dance. Unfortunately your situation was too complicated and it had made it impossible for you two to have any kind of relationship not only romantic.

Bucky and you have a very awkward moment where you made eye contact and then quickly looked away. The tension in the room grew to a 100 real fast.

"So ugh about the plan." Sam coughs to fix the awkward vibe that has enveloped the room.

While Sam is explaining the plan you and Bucky glance at each other when the other isn't looking and Sam pretends not to notice.

The club is crowded and the atmosphere changes when people start to notice The Winter Soldier.

You're on edge the entire time.

Suddenly a fight begins but all you hear are the trigger words which do not affect Bucky but you're entirely a different story.

As Bucky was about to get punched you had jumped in front of him stopping the hit with your hands. You break the the guys hand and turn around to hit another big guy.

"Get out of here I will take care of this."

"No you won't."

And when you don't Bucky pulls you by your hand and you have no choice but to run with him.

When you finally arrive at a safe destination away from everyone who's trying to kill you Bucky turns to you.

"ARE YOU SERIOUS? WHAT HAPPENED IN THERE YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO WAIT! ARE YOU SO STUPID YOU CAN'T FOLLOW SIMPLE INTRUCTIONS?"

You only stare back at him not even blinking.

"Bucky stop she's not okay can't you see?" Sam puts a hand on Buckys shoulder backing him away from you.

"She fucked up she wasn't supposed to engage."

"Bucky look at her."

That's when Bucky notices that you're not looking at him you're looking at the floor, your hands behind you as if waiting for punishment.

And suddenly it clicks, your trigger words. Some of them were the same as his.

"I'm so sorry. I- I didn't notice I'm so sorry."

You stay in your place not moving an inch.

Bucky tries to touch you and at first you flinch, he doesn't know what to do - he hugs you, surpsing himself.

He stands there his arms tightly around you.

When you finally come back you start sobbing and Buckys heart breaks. He was supposed to know better.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry I should've known I should've said it was a bad idea I'm sorry."

You're shaking in his arms and his heart breaks a little more with every whine.

It takes you 45 minutes to stop crying and that's only because you've exhausted yourself with crying.

Bucky carries you to a dodgy motel that him and Sam found. Your limp body in his arms makes him feel incredibly guilty. He feels awful, he'd been awful to you for months and you're right he's been selfish. Bucky can only hope you can forgive him.

You wake up with a headache the light coming through the window indicates that it's for sure not early morning. The sun is gentle and you can tell that sun is about to be gone. To the right of you there's a night stand and to the left is Bucky sleeping on a chair, sitting up.

You notice that you're in Buckys shirt and your pyjama pants.

"Hey."

You turn at Buckys voice.

"Hi."

"I'm sorry about last night I was out of line. I've been out of line for a while. And I'm really sorry I've put you in danger-"

"Bucky..."

"No I need to say this, please."

you nodd.

"There's so much I regret but I regret putting you in danger and giving you shit the most. I've done nothing to make your life easier I've only made it worse. And you were right I was selfish. I was in my head too much and you're the only person who completely understands what I've been through. Last night shouldn't have happened but I was stupid. I hope you can forgive me and I'll do everything in power for the rest of my life to make it up to you."

"Bucky... I-... What happened to us is not fair and we both did stuff we regret, I also wasn't fair to you. I'm not okay. I haven't been a while and last night wasn't your fault. I'm sorry too. I'm sorry for calling you The Winter Soldier and for hurting you purposely. And you have nothing to make up for nothing that happend is your fault."

Bucky and you stand in silence for a while each trying to process words and the situation you're in right now.

"Fucking Hydra."

Bucky breaks the ice with that statement and you both laugh.

"Bucky, could I ask you for a favour?"

"Anything."

"I haven't been well for a while and last night only showed how much I need help. I'd like to go to Wakanda so they get me in cryo to fix my brain. Please be there for me when they put me under and when they wake me up."

"I promise."

True to his word Bucky is there when they're preparing you for cryo.

"It's going to be okay. These people are the best they know what they're doing. Besides they had their experiment animal way before you!"

"Oh shut up..... Thank you Bucky. I'll see you when I wake up?"

He smiles and gives you a tender hug full of emotions but mostly love.

"I promise."

The last thing you see are Buckys blue eyes looking at you softly he doesn't let himself cry.

The next time you see Bucky is when your new life begins.

_____________________________________

[THE END]

This is gigantic udhdhdudud I'm not sure If I should've written so much but it was fun?

Likes reblogs and Comments are appreciated <3

[coffeeandbatboys]

In The Endgame (Peter Quill x reader)

A/N it took me an hour to find this specific GIF lol

Request: from Anon

hiii i saw you were taking requests for peter quill and was wondering if you could write something that takes place during endgame where everyone who got blipped comes back and peter and reader reunite since he got blipped but she didnt? just super emotional and fluffy? thank uuuuuu <3

Warnings: angst, fluff, emotion

No...

This wasn't supposed to happen.

You weren't supposed to die in space.

None of you were.

But Thanos had taken Gamora, and Peter, Drax, Mantis, and two of the Avengers you'd met all turned to dust right in front of you.

Your heart suddenly broke, knowing that Groot and Rocket were with Thor.

And now you were stuck in space with Nebula and Tony Stark.

Two people you were not incredibly fond of.

Once you were rescued and brought back to Earth, you learned that Rocket was alive, but Groot hadn't made it.

"What the hell happened to us, Kid?"

And even though he wouldn't admit it to anyone but you, he cried.

You cried for months after losing the love of your life.

But in the five years that followed that fateful day, you never moved on.

You kept yourself busy helping Rocket and Nebula to hold the Galaxy together and searching for Thanos while many of the heroes were 'dead'. And then one day, a bug dude showed up and brought the concept of time travel with him.

And this is how you ended up back on Morag in 2014.

It was the first time you'd seen Peter since he dusted. You desperately wanted to run to him and kiss him again, but this wasn't your Peter.

As he danced dramatically to 'Come and Get Your Love', you, Nebula and 'Rhodey'—as you'd been introduced—watched on at the utter ridiculousness.

Rhodey broke this silence.

"So he's an idiot."

You couldn't disagree.

"Yeah." You smiled sadly. "He's my idiot, though."

After all you'd been through there was no turning back now.

Portals opened everywhere in the ruins of the Avengers campus, and that's when you spotted Drax and Mantis, then—

Him. Your sweet, loveable idiot, Peter Quill. Sprinting over to join your found family once again, he spotted you and broke a smile. You returned it, giving him a desperate kiss when you reached him.

"I thought I lost you forever!" You cried, clinging to his jacket.

He looked confused. "It was only a few hours?"

Your head snapped up.

"Uh, try five years."

"What?..." He whispered, eyes widening as if horrified by the concept of you being alone for five years.

You turned towards Mantis and Drax, waving to them with a giddy expression. They both waved back, and you all faced the Mad Titan's army ahead.

And soon, you were right in the thick of it.

Lunging at a nightmarish humanoid creature, you blasted it before turning to cover Peter, who was fighting off two more. Once those were taken care of, you moved in and fought them back to back. Being close to Peter again felt like heaven, even in the battlefield.

Even when you saw all of the Female avengers joining to push back against the army, you were hesitant to leave Peter's side in fear that you'd lose him again.

"Go." He told you with a smile and a kiss. "I'll be here when it's over."

You ran after Mantis and Nebula, spotting...Gamora? You weren't sure how that worked, but you were glad nonetheless. It didn't feel right that Natasha wasn't there, but this, you felt, was to honor her. It was what she would want.

Fighting a pale squid looking thing, you watched over it's shoulder at Carol, the woman who had saved you in space, entering the fight. You cheered wildly and pumped your fist in the air. There was no way you would lose, now.

As you struggled with a Titan monster, you received some help from Groot, who skewered it with a thick branch while you blasted it in the head.

"Thanks, buddy." You high fived him.

"I am Groot."

"It's good to see you too!"

And all of the sudden, the Titans were disappearing.

It was then that you looked over to see Tony, slumped against a piece of wreckage, pale and barely breathing. It hit you that he had just snapped the enemy away, and that had drained everything out of him.

You shared a sad look with Rocket.

As dickish as Tony was, he had a good heart.

And he gave it all to save the world.

Everyone stood in silence as he breathed his last. And then one by one, they began to kneel. A king, a sorcerer, a captain, a soldier, an assassin, all from different backgrounds, honored one man. You kneeled and began to cry, knowing that he had a wife and daughter, one of which would be waiting for him.

After the funeral, you sat at the edge of the lake outside the Stark's cabin. Peter sat down next to you and slid an arm around your waist.

"He didn't have to do that." You bit back tears and leaned into him.

He signed deeply. "I don't think he saw a choice."

You had learned that Gamora, was in fact not the one you knew, but the one that didn't know any of you. The last you'd heard is that she'd run off in a ship from the battlefield.

"I missed you, Peter. You have no idea." You sobbed.

He pulled you closer "I'm sorry you had to go through that, babe."

"I...I couldn't bring myself to move on. You better treat Rocket right, too. He's the only reason I'm still here."

"I'm really glad you didn't. And, were on good terms, trust me."

You chuckled, giving a small smile.

"There it is." Peter crooned, kissing your jaw softly. "Wanna go get Dairy Queen before we head back out there?"

"Hell yeah!" You cheered.

[romanoffsbish]

A Bumpy Ride

Scarlett Johansson x Actress!R

Elizabeth Olsen (Wanda) x F!R (a blip of a scene)

Request by: 🦥

A/N: I wrote the EO x R kiss as if I was writing a Wanda fic, literally just wrote the imagined scene. | Also, if this is too beyond what you wanted, feel free to request a do over fic. I might’ve gotten carried away.

Warnings: Jealous/Possessive Scarlett.

Smut: Daddy (Top-R), Kitten (Power Bottom-S), Fingering (S), Face-Riding (S) Kinks: Lactation, Praising, Slight Degradation.

18+ | Minors DNI

Labeled, please don’t report.

Scarlett wore a wide smile as you guided her through the set of your current Marvel film. This was a nice experience for her, watching as the legacy she had an integral part in building continued on through you, and the others.

It was rather bittersweet too though, seeing images from the iconic movies past, when she was younger and in the fittest shape of her life. Now she wears her post pregnancy tummy pouch with reassured pride, and eats a far less restrictive diet as she holds no obligations to have a widely unobtainable superhero physique.

—

Without Marvel she wouldn't have skyrocketed in her career, and she is beyond grateful to them for that, but she more importantly has them to thank for finding you, and the sweet, domestic life she now lived with you and Leo. The pretty little boy grew in her body, but he shared your likeness, as you hadn't the time to be pregnant yourself, so IVF it was until 2026 when your contract with Marvel was finally up.

When you finally turned to take in your wife after droning on about today's filming, you noticed the deep pout she wore, and you softly pecked it away. "What's troubling you, love?"

"I miss Leo," she confessed quietly, and you smiled sadly at her, the ache in your chest was the same as his smiling face tauntingly flashed through your mind, "Me too my love, I miss his kissable little face, and his sweet giggles at the inappropriate hour of 2am," you kissed her pout away, and smiled as she herself giggled.

"It'll be okay soon, my last scenes today and tomorrow you'll have that important meeting, then we'll steal him back from your moms."

Scarlett burrowed into your offered embrace with a muffled huff, "I miss his baby smell."

"Me too," you snorted as you swayed her body.

"Wait, did you say you had a steamy scene with Lizzie today?" Scarlett's mind finally caught up to your previously uttered words, and that once soft pout of hers slipped into a deep scowl.

You chuckled softly, "I'd hardly call it steamy," your wife however wasn't amused, "It's a kiss."

"A kiss that will create a hoopla of rumors."

"Scarlett," you sighed, it was always the same insecurity, and you'd never get mad at her for it, the fans edits can be quite convincing seeing as how you and Lizzie are literal best friends.

"They have been shipping us since the dawn of time, and that's cause I'm an amazing actress," you subtly reminded her of your profession, the one she shares with you, "Do you know how many men I've had to see you macking with?"

Scarlett shrugged, a silent gesture in attempt to brush passed your honest counter to hers.

"It doesn't really matter either, because I am assured every night when I come home to your loving embrace that you're all mine, and it's not a question baby, I'm irrevocably yours."

"I just wish they'd stop it, you know? We're all married now, with our families in the making."

"Yeah, but also Scar, when you agreed to marry me you knew Lizzie was apart of that deal," you teased her as you brought her into the dressing room so you could prepare for the kiss scene.

Scarlett rolled her eyes, it was the truth, she of course saw Lizzie as family, but she didn't have to like the way the world of Hollywood works.

Elizabeth was your first connection at Marvel as you started filming together, so it was no shock that the two of you hit it off. Then your alliance was set in stone from the moment Age of Ultron hit theaters. People shipped your character with Wanda's, but it was a different era, so the palpable chemistry between you and your new friend was swept under the rug, and it was exchanged for a queer coded on screen pining on your character's ends as she explored the more sellable at the time ship with Vision.

As fandoms do though, they took the shipping a step further and soon it was you shipped with Lizzie. Clips from differing press junkets were stitched together, along with solo interviews where you'd be questioned about the other. Elizabeth and you were platonic soulmates, so it was easy for fans to romanticize your replies.

At the time you were out, you never once hid from Hollywood, and neither had Lizzie, she didn't expressly label herself, but the way she spoke so candidly at times gave her away. So the shipping didn't bother either of you much. But it did bother Scarlett, she had her eyes on you from day one, and once she had you she was constantly afraid you'd leave her for the mutual friend who wasn't still hiding away.

Throughout the years it had only got more and more aggressive, and it infuriated your now wife. It occurred at its peak during a time when Scarlett hadn't wanted to have to come out yet. She was still trying her darnedest to wipe away her forced image as a sex symbol, the last thing she needed was creeps fetishizing your love.

However, after about three interviews with your posse of girls during the Infinity War junket your lover finally lost her composure. Four years of having the love she'd built up with you overshadowed by indecent rumors, well that was enough to drive her to break.

They'd handed the three of you a bin of spicy tweets, and when she was handed one to read about you topping Lizzie she lost it, she glared at the unsuspecting man, throwing the ball of paper at him just before staring directly at the camera as she muttered: "The only person Y/N is topping is me, so suck on that scwitch22."

Scarlett wasn't even embarrassed afterwards, she simply took the spot in your lap, and the interview continued on without a hitch, the tweets were significantly thinned out though. No one wanted to risk another outburst from the shockingly intimidating blonde woman.

"Yeah, as our good friend, not my sister wife," Scarlett eventually huffed after moments of silence, she was too busy watching you change. You looked up to see her arms crossed under her enlarged chest, with her plump lips pursed, and you just could not help but to tease her.

"Well, Leo will one day call her auntie, why not change it to mom?" You dodged her hand as she tried to slap your exposed shoulder, "Y/N, stop testing me, I am still rather hormonal, and unless you wish to be on Snapped, I'd stop."

"A feature on my favorite show?" You gasped with a hand flying over your grinning lips, "You're just the sweetest wife ever my dear."

Before she could actually bring life (or death) to her words you snaked an arm around her waist and pulled her in for a pre hair and makeup kiss. "Stop stressing over the press, you have nothing to worry about, I'm yours!"

The kiss was sickeningly soft, and far too quick for either of your likings, "I love you," you whispered against her lips. "I love you too," she tried to mindlessly chase your lips, but as you pulled away with an apologetic smile she pettily grumbled, "I'm also still mad at you."

"Story of my life," you remarked with a laugh and an indifferent shrug of your shoulders.

Scarlett rolled her eyes at your retreating figure, then after three short minutes stood alone she reluctantly (desperately) followed after you to the trailer for hair and makeup.

Watching you getting into character brought a smile to your lover's face, she adored how you took this role so seriously. Resentments to the rumors aside, she admires the way you and Liz had crafted such a beautiful, long winded story for the fans to devour. Today's scene is actually monumental for the MCU, it's the first intimate confirmation for Wanda and Eliza, so she let her anger go in favor of supporting you.

"You're gonna do great," she whispered into your ear from behind your designated chair, she'd seen your tightly furrowed brows, all she wanted to do was make you feel at peace. You slowly peered up from your script to lock eyes with her through the mirror, and she smiled reassuringly along with her words. "Thanks."

Scarlett nodded, "How can I help my love?"

For the next ten minutes you ran lines with her, there was no reason to worry about her leaking the contents, she wasn't Tom Holland. The woman was a MCU veteran, and knew how to deflect even the slipperiest of questions.

A smirk graced her face as the loosely described kissing scene was up next, she was always looking forward to practicing such lines with you, whether for her film or yours, it didn't matter much; the prospect of letting your costar taste her on you was too exciting.

"Hey ladies."

Speak of the devil...

"You ready Y/N/N?" Lizzie side hugged your scowling wife as she spoke to you with a knowing smirk, "You're a cockblock Olsen."

"Can't have you macking on my woman," she jested, dangerously if Scarlett's glare was to be translated, "She's my woman, remember that."

"She was mine first," Lizzie continued to goad your wife, she would've kept going too, and left you with a monster to drive home with if not for the saving grace of your favorite stagehand.

"Mrs. Y/L/N—Johansson, Mrs. Olsen, the set is ready, and the director sent me to collect you."

Lizzie left with him instantly, knowing when to retreat from a standoff with your wife, and you were two seconds away from doing the same, but your stewing wife stopped your attempts. Her hand swiftly cupped the back of your neck, she pulled you into a bruising kiss, tentatively sliding her tongue in your mouth, unfairly arousing you as she groped your clothed ass. She kissed you until you were near breathless, and mindlessly chewing on her fruity gum.

"Scar," you went to whine, but she traced her thumb around your lips to quell your worries. The lipstick was promptly cleaned off your skin, and a fresh layer was reapplied, it was as if she had never even touched her lips to yours. But the dizzy look in your eye tells her the memory was strong enough without the mess.

For the sake of your career she slid her hand into yours, and guided you to your outdoor set, "Go get em tiger," she winked, and you simply chuckled as she referenced your character's feline tendencies, her silly antics always helped to settle your heart, she was the ideal partner.

Scarlett waved to the familiar director before she settled into your chair, then her eyes zeroed in on the leather jacket they slid over to you, and then she saw the motorcycle. Natasha was always on a motorcycle, it was like her signature ride so she was familiar with the set up for the scene. Scarlett had never been on one though, which now that she thinks of it is rather odd since riding was a leisurely passion of yours up until Leo was born. The Harley taking up space in the garage a daily reminder.

That familiar twinge of jealousy returned to her with a renewed passion as soon as she heard the director call 'action' because then she saw a scene play out that she wanted as her reality.

—~~~~~—ACTION—~~~~~—

Wanda was in the process of slipping on her signature red leather jacket, the one she got (stole) from her mentor all those years ago. As soon as the tight fabric melded to her body you were behind her, slipping your hands just below the chilled fabric to grip her by the waist. Wanda hadn't even a moment to think before a squeal of surprise left her parted lips. With an undeniable strength, and incredible ease you lifted the redhead by your grip on her body, settling her onto the bike, then you seamlessly walked around, hand still on hip, so that you could face her, "You're a bit of a show off..."

"I learned from the best," you sadly stated, a subtle nod to the fallen Avenger who'd trained the both of you into the heroes you were today.

Wanda nodded solemnly, a beat of silence held before you went on, "You ready to go honey?"

You went to step away as she nodded, but the redheads hand shot out to wrap around your wrist to halt you. "Would you judge me if I said I was nervous?" You chuckled softly, but your eyes softened when you realized she meant it.

"Baby," the world rolled off your tongue with a familiar ease, and it successfully made the woman blush, "You've literally flown hundreds of miles above ground without a parachute."

"Eliza," she groaned, her grip tightening at your incessant teasing, "I have control over that."

"Yeah, and this is a walk in the park for me baby girl, I am an expert at this sorta thing."

Wanda bowed her head, a new nervousness settling within her bones as you continued to drop the pet names. "What's wrong Wands?"

The redhead picked her gaze back up, shaking her head from side to side, "Nothings wrong."

"You can't hide from me," you pulled a hand free from her loosened grip, and softly caressed her cheek, her breath promptly hitched, "Eli."

"Mhm?" You smiled innocently, but your eyes shone with an understanding that made her stomach erupt with a soft fluttering. Suddenly your faces were closer, breaths mingling as you both waited on the other to close the small gap.

Wanda felt your hand drift to behind her neck, anticipation built within her as you caressed her heated skin softly. Once your eyes fell to her parted lips she knew it was coming, but in a moment of desperation she surged forward to rush the process along. Her lips pressed to yours firmly, there wasn't much room to move at first as she sought to keep you against her, but when she felt your fingers playing with her baby hairs, while your other hand laid against her hip she knew you weren't going anywhere.

You soon guided the kiss, tilting her head with your firmer grip in her hair you slipped your tongue passed her lips. Even with the kiss deepened, you maintained a softness, exploring her mouth with a tenderness that equated to an 'I've loved you for eons, and I will continue to,' she melted into you in total reciprocity.

"We really have to go baby," you whispered once you pulled away, she panted affectedly while your breathing remained steady enough.

"Why?" The witch whined pitifully, "I don't want this moment to end Eliza, it's perfect."

You smiled in agreement, "Yeah, it was."

Wanda pouted as you spoke of the moment in the past tense, meaning it was over, and so you leaned back in to peck it away, "It'll be even better when we get to a safe house sweetheart."

Wanda sighed, "I'm holding you to that then."

"How about I hold you to me instead?" You teased the witch as your leg flew over the bike behind her seamlessly. Wanda rolled her eyes, but she wore a wide smile that you couldn't see.

Wanda melted into your form as you pulled her body back into yours, your arms slid beneath hers so that you could reach for the handles. Her body shuddered once you placed a kiss to the nape of her neck just before you slid a helmet onto her. "Safety first, Avenger or not."

Wanda giggled, then her hand spun in the air, and a helmet appeared over your head next, "The rules apply to you too, nine lives or not."

You snorted, then instead of prolonging the teasing banter you kicked the stand of the bike up, revved the engine, then shot off abruptly.

—~~~~—SCENE—~~~~~—

Scarlett watched the heady kiss without even flinching, it was a bit of a surprise to her, but she found herself envying Elizabeth's chance to ride on the bike with you more so than the making out. The directors had trusted you enough to actually race around the lot, and when you and Lizzie returned in a fit of giggles she felt the jealousy only intensifying. It was not fair to you, but she only gave you a curt nod when you asked if she was okay, she once again cleaned the lipstick off your face, then left to try and simmer her rage inside your trailer.

"What's the matter now?" Lizzie joked from your side, and you only shrugged, but you'd never struggled to read your wife, the way she had glared at the motorbike as if it had killed her entire family was all you needed to know.

This silly scene here opened you up to a future night full of making it up to your wife. You sighed softly before turning to your scene partner, you watched a grin take over her face as a realization of sorts had dawned upon her.

"You're welcome," she winked before turning around to return to the set, you two had one more follow up scene to shoot, and then you'd have to face your attractively jealous partner.

—

The ride home was radio silent; literally, she slapped your hand away when you tried to fill the tense silence with your favorite playlist.

Scarlett pulled into the garage, a heavy sigh left her lips as she unbuckled, but she didn't speak.

Her door slammed shut, she attempted to race into the house, but you were too quick for her. Scarlett's breath hitched when your hands held her firmly in place, "Now, now kitten, why must you make this difficult by running?"

Scarlett tried to keep her angry front up, but when you manhandled her into the air she lost any semblance of control, you spun her around in your hold so that your lips brushed teasingly as you plopped her onto the Harley backwards.

"Is this what you needed baby?"

Scarlett mindlessly leaned back against the handles, her legs spreading as she did, and you couldn't help but to chuckle at the sight of her.

"Such a beautiful, desperate mess you are for daddy, look at you, you're soaked on through."

Scarlett's skin flushed, she didn't need to hear you say it to know it, the lacy, red material was uncomfortably stuck to her skin, and truth be told it had been like that for hours now. Ever since she'd kissed you breathless, and when she watched you handle that scene with a sexy flair she couldn't stop imagining you handling her in a more sinful way. You drove her wild.

"Tell me what you want," you stepped closer to her, ghosting your lips over hers, "I'm not a mind reader baby, but I do aim to please here, so just tell daddy what it is you need from her."

"Can you give me a ride on the bike?" Scarlett was confused herself as the words left her, it was what she genuinely wanted, but you both know she wanted something else much more.

"Oh, I can," you smirked as your lips met hers, "You can ride me however you want Scarlett."

"Fuck," she sucked in a breath as your fingers slid the sticky fabric of her panties to the side.

"Be good for daddy," you coo'd as your fingers trailed teasingly through her folds, she bucked her hips on instinct, causing the bike to shake, so you held her hip down firmly with your free hand, "Relax my love, you know I've got you."

Scarlett's always been super reactive with you, but as she hadn't been touched like this in over six months she was beyond her normal arousal. Her cunt was dripping all over the leather seat, and if it wasn't so hot you might've even cared about it, but honestly the bike needed a polish.

A mewl left your wife's lips as soon as one of your fingers entered her, you kept a slow pace, too afraid to overwhelm her, and even then you still did, she cried out in shock, "I'm leaking."

You looked down, noticing the pebbles of white that left your wife's breasts, she'd only recently stopped breastfeeding your son as her leave was quickly coming to an end. You were truly enamored by the opportunity here, the urge to taste her milk had always been there, but the chance had yet to present itself until now.

"Oh love, that must hurt," you rasped, and the aroused blonde whimpered her agreements as she looked into your blackened orbs, the need you clearly felt for her was palpable, and it only made the sloshing between her legs louder.

You kissed down her jaw, nibbling enough to make her moans sweeter, but not to mar her skin until you reached the valley of her breasts. You sucked harshly, a deeper red blossomed over her hot skin, the sensation only spurred her moans on, and the sound was addicting.

"There you go kitten," you kissed up the side of her sensitive breast en route to her nipple, "Let daddy know how good she's making you feel."

Scarlett nearly toppled your bike over when your lips wrapped around her nipple, the way you curled your fingers just as you began to suckle made her mind go blank, and legs shake. The sound of your delighted moan made her feel an overwhelming warmth, an unexpected wave of pride flooded her chest at the idea that you'd like her milk enough to moan like that.

"Thank you daddy," she clutched tightly to your biceps, curling her nails into the skin for grounding that she usually found in bed sheets. As you moved in rushed kisses over to her other breast you could feel her hips trying to meet your thrusts, shaking your bike again.

"Stay still," you mumbled around her nipple, making her urge to move higher, but even in her dizzy state she still managed to cooperate. In the bed you wouldn't mind, normally you'd encourage her desperate thrusts as you teased her, but this wasn't your usual spot; the bike wasn't exactly the safest place for her writhing.

Scarlett's quick compliance made you beam, "You're always such a good girl for me."

Scarlett smiled dopily, she was a sucker for your praises, her walls clenched tightly around you when you returned her smile. Nothing could ever really describe just how much she loved your beautiful smile, it was almost always all she needed to want to jump your bones.

"Kiss me," she begged, the desperation clear as day when her lip had trembled in anticipation. You didn't waver in your stare as you neglected to give in to her pleas, you instead continued to piston three fingers into her slick hole, curling them every few thrusts, and doing so before you couldn't resist the temptation to kiss her.

"You're close," you panted the truth against her lips as you reluctantly pulled back, if you could you'd kiss her until your lips went numb. She whined, her eyes then fluttered open at the loss of your sensational lips took effect on her. The pleading in the haze of her eyes was clear, she needed you to give her permission, to send her tumbling over that edge. "Go on kitten, come for daddy, mess up my bike like a good girl."

Her back instantaneously arched into your handlebars, the horn being set off as her body trembled, her orgasm had taken it's full effect. You watched in amazement as her arousal gushed around your digits, it was only her first release of the night and she squirted all over.

"Let's get you cleaned up," you whispered as you nibbled down her jawline, soft red marks left behind that you knew would fade come morning, she had a meeting tomorrow after all.

Scarlett was beyond dizzy, your moves turned her brain into mush, but even in a delirious state she knew what she wanted, and she'd get it. You had both always had such high libidos, but with the baby neither of you had the time or better yet the energy to keep up with them.

But in this jealous fueled daze Scarlett was not short on energy, no, only patience. As you went to guide her to the bedroom for aftercare she stopped you, even with shaky legs she managed to shove you down onto the couch, "Lay down, and let me mark my territory," you knew she wasn't asking, clearly you weren't rebutting.

"Thank you daddy," she straddled your thighs so that she could lean in to peck your lips, you saw the way she eyed your top, so as a reward for her manners you slipped it off as she rose.

"Come on kitten, let daddy make you feel good," you beckoned the short circuiting woman forward, and without letting another minute fly by she crawled up your body, her abundant wetness smeared on your skin, and the feeling left you salivating for her essence.

Neither of you felt like teasing tonight, so the blonde plopped her sopping folds onto your face, so you followed her lead, and immediately began to devour her. Raspy, choked moans echoed off the walls of your quaint living room, with how sensitive she was it didn't take long for her to grow sloppy with the way she rode. Without even looking you gripped her hips, now guiding her thrusts, and pressing down harshly to help your tongue reach her deeper.

With your arms wrapped tightly around her thighs you used all your strength to flip her onto her back, the jostling movement led your tongue to press into her sensitive spot just as your thumb showed up to stimulate her clit.

"Oh fuck," Scarlett bucked her hips in sync with your tongue as you continued to fuck her fluttering hole even after her cum shot down your throat, and her entire body subsequently slumped into the lived in couch cushions.

Scarlett's face was serene as she rode out the bliss you'd given her, she tiredly smiled when your lips trailed over her body, tenderness was all that you offered as you kissed over her skin. Lips lingering over the marks she'd despised until you made her love them the way you did.

"Daddy," she groggily whimpered your title, her hands haphazardly reached down for you, and her nails dug into your shoulder blades so that she could pull you up and into her lips.

"You're insatiable Scarlett," you chuckled as she relinquished her lips hold on you, she met your amusement with a smirk of her own, "If you had a smoke show for a wife you'd be too."

"I do," you deadpanned, and she smirked even wider as she winked, "Glad you're self aware."

"Oh, I am, the amount of people that want you is endless," you huffed, a twinge of jealousy to rival hers showing through, but she helped to melt it away with another kiss to your lips.

"We're clearly just Hollywood's hottest couple," she reasoned, "I guess I should have expected all the attention, of course people want you."

"I really do hope you understand that you're all I'll ever want Scarlett," your eyes glistened with happiness, visions of your future with her all you needed to bring you to tears, "You, and Leo are my entire world, nothing will change that."

"I miss him," she reaffirms her earlier feelings, as do you, "Same, I need my bubba butt back."

"But wait, I have a proposal," she mused, and looked to you with a sinful grin and dark eyes.

"I'm listening."

"Well, my meeting won't end until like five, and it's over an hour away to my moms," she spoke with feigned exasperation, "Why would we pick him up tomorrow near his bedtime? That's just irresponsible. We should let him sleep, and use our bonus night off for an overdue date."

"Hmm," you hummed, pretending as if you were actually thinking over her sex coded offer, "I could just pick him up in the morning," you didn't mean it, but you'd never give up the opportunity to tease, and neither would she.

"Nope," she popped the p, and smirked up, "You're coming to the office baby girl, and we'll be taking your bike so no room for the baby."

"Oh, we are now?"

"Yeah, you are my guinea pig for the day as we test out our newest products, I didn't tell you?"

"No, you most certainly didn't," you grumbled, and climbed off of her, she went to protest the loss of your warmth but she didn't get the chance as you threw her over your shoulder.

"If I'm your guinea pig tomorrow, then you're my cum dump for the night," you threw her down onto the mattress, smirking as her dilated eyes widened at your promise, and so you winked. "What? Might as well use our free time wisely."

Scarlett smirked victoriously once you turned away to collect your strap, her plans for a full weekend now coming to life before her eyes. Leo's return will likely be postponed, it's a good thing she already confirmed a Monday pick up.

——

4,908 Words

❤️ Kaitlyn 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

[miss-vanta-likes-to-write]

Loyalties chapter 10 🔞

Loyalties Masterlist

CW: check the main masterlist. MDNI. NSFW at the end.

“Bambi, listen to me.” Carrie stands there quietly as she watches her only daughter rip everything off of her wall. Every polaroid and print and keepsake from the powder pink accent wall. “Bambi Castello!” Her voice bellows over the sound of Bambi crying.

Bambi stops dead in her tracks, her hand hovering over the photo of her and König. It was one of her favorite photos from the slow trailing year of him courting her. It was at the recommitment ceremony of her brothers and their mates. Everyone that evening had their eyes on her and König, people whispering that Antony and Carrie chose well. All of them unaware that it was Bambi who picked König, and that her parents were weary until he proved himself capable after saving her life.

This was back early in the courtship when things were fun, bright, and whimsical. In the photo the two were holding each other in a lover's embrace. The memory is a stark contrast to bruises on her now. His hand print is on her neck, it covers her airway entirely, a reminder that he could have killed her and then nobody would have her. In the photo, they stare at each other. They had been slow dancing to ‘Dangerously in love', the version by Destiny's Child, because Symphony said it was the better version. That night was the first time König said he loved her and would do anything to keep her.

Anything also meant trying to strangle her into submission when she wouldn't drop out of school for him, wouldn't let him mark her, or run away with him, and that she was done with his pestering. He only stopped choking her when he realized what it was he was doing. He had yanked back and pulled her into his arms. Apologies spilling from his mouth in broken German and English, he rocked her back and forth, begging for her forgiveness. Tried kissing her face, licking away the tears, overwhelm her scent of fear with his sorry excuse for comfort. She had pulled away and stood on shaky legs and bolted from her room, crying for anyone that wasn't him.

Bambi's neck still hurt and her eyes were swollen from crying. It's only been a few hours since she stopped Xavier from killing who he considered an older brother. König had been confronted, he admitted to hurting her, and her father tried to tell him it was going to be okay. They would all work through this as a family, come out the other side whole and intact. Carry on like this was just a blip in the relationship and that all couples had trials.

König wanted someone with a good aim to put him down like the dog he was. Bambi, even though she was in pain, skinned alive, cut open, bleeding, raw, had to stop the hastily asked for execution. She only wanted him gone, out of her life, she was still in love with him, even though he almost crushed her windpipe.

“What is it mom?” Bambi asked after a moment. Her voice was hoarse and she couldn't turn her eyes from the photo.

“Don't throw any of it away. He didn't mean to.”

“He strangled me when he didn't get his way.”

“He loves you so much that he wants to be with you desperately.”

“I'm your daughter-”

“He's a good man Bambi. Don't let this one slip up, dictate everything and erase all that has happened.”

Bambi couldn't believe what she was hearing with her own two ears. “Mom-”

“No, you listen to me. He is a good man for you and for this life you are in. He is strong, protective, and will give you many strong babies. He has proven that he can navigate being a Castello, he wants in and wants your last name. Take some time apart.”

“How am I supposed to take advice about love from a woman who let her husband run around?”

“Bambi, there's a lot you don't know about me and your father. We love each other and though we drift apart we always come back together. If we didn't, we wouldn't have Malik, Aaron and you.”

Xoxo

Bambi slowly comes to, from her dissociation. She has that pink letter in her hands, worrying the edges. Every now and then when her emotions got high with the ever looming anniversary of when things fell apart, she would miss him. Miss how he would massage her feet and then tickle them. He actually insisted on always painting her nails after her pedicure. He claimed that he enjoyed serving her in any way she needed. Trailing kisses from her ankle, up her leg, to the inside of her thigh, and then finally pressing a kiss to the center of her panties. He always kept his intense stare on her, watching for all of the reactions on her face. He would call her his golden sun, his own slice of heaven.

Her body misses him, her memories of him clouded by lust and nostalgia. Summer evenings, spent on the back porch, in each other's arms just watching the sun set. Hot sun bleached sands beneath their feet on the family's private beach. Bambi would insist they escape the responsibilities that he had with her, and that when her father eventually scolded them, Bambi would pout and say it's her fault. She's technically his boss, he can't say no to her, let her abuse her power in peace. Then they all would laugh, her father, mother, König and herself.

Bambi sighed and folded the letter up. It was the last day they had to prepare for the pink and white party. She took the liberty of asking her little boot camp if they would like to attend, after an impromptu laser tag date with Johnny. Get them all used to her family and the extravagant foolishness that was a Castello party. Her phone dings letting her know that the guys would be there shortly to pick her up. She insisted on making them get party attire that matches the theme, Kyle was the only one to understand the importance of a color coordinated event. It was also a chance for her to show them that she could care for their needs. Courtship had to go both ways after all, and her mother always said men had to be upgraded by their women, since they almost never knew how to do right on their own.

“Bambi!” Gloria shouted up the stairs, “their truck just pulled up!’

Bambi sighs, throwing on her shoes and leaving the sanctuary of her room. She took in the scores of flowers wrapped around the staircase banner. The balloon trellises throughout the house, all in the colors of Barbie pink, soft pink, white and gold. A pink carpet ran through the house leading to the backyard where the main festivities would be. Things such as a mini ferris wheel, petting zoo and pony rides, plenty of yard and carnival games, a dance floor and the stage where the DJ would go.

Symphony was yelling at Aaron and Xavier, something about the two of them getting the wrong bounce house reserved, because why are they setting up an ugly Christmas themed bounce house? The boys promise to get it sorted out and the Barbie Dream Home bounce house will be up before eleven in the morning. Bambi, finds that that will be a feat, because everyone in the pack runs on colored people time, so this set back will have the party start at 3p instead of 1pm and the party won't be over until midnight, God willing. Everyone knows the adult party will start as soon as the spades, dominoes, and the open bar opens at 6p. Then the children will all be ushered inside, upstairs to tear apart the nursery and crash from a sugar high.

Outside there are other hired workers setting up other decorations, really turning their home into a doll house. In the driveway she sees Malik leaning against the driver's side of the truck that holds her little boot camp. He's talking to them, head tipped back in laughter. He reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out his little cigar case, offering John one.

“Don't let BamBam talk you guys into wearing whatever she picks out. Make sure you put your foot down.” Malik snickers as he lights his own cigar. He looks at his sister with a raised brow and smirk of knowing on his face. Already, just shy of over a week into this year-long courtship, he likes John the most. Says that he is trustworthy and is a genuinely good man, albeit a bit secretive, but they all are, so who cares.

(Aaron gets along best with Johnny and Kyle. Earlier in the week when they both came to kidnap her for a random movie night, Aaron insisted they all trade numbers and he would teach them how to prank Bambi, really learn how to get on her nerves.)

(Bambi knows Aaron, Kyle, and Johnny, have a lame group chat together. Filled with lame jokes, and advice from Aaron on how to win her over.)

(Xavier, while he hates them all equally, begrudgingly respects Simon and even that is tense. He even mumbled once that he'd be a good hire for his business.)

“Malik shut up.” Bambi rolls her eyes and shoves him out of the way. She leans into the driver's window and kisses John on the cheek. “I won't make you guys dress in something that isn't attractive. After all, I'm the target audience.”

John smiles at her and appreciates that he is always greeted first. A sweet little thing that has latched on to the fact that he is somewhat of a traditionalist. The understanding that her Captain gets the first kiss, “Hop in Sweetheart, we're burning daylight.”

“Have fun BamBam, oh and while you're out, Gloria wants you to pick up the drink order from the liquor store.” Malik states as he watches Bambi climb into the back. An eager Johnny already pressing kisses to her face and whining about missing her.

“Is it already paid for?” Bambi asked as she giggles at the kisses, “and what's in the order?”

“Hennessey, Don Julio, and honestly that's all I made sure to make sure was on the list. Not sure what else Gloria ordered.” Malik shrugged. “Maybe she also got Taylor Port, I don't know Bam.”

“Well, at least we know there will be fights starting as soon as 5:45pm shows up.” She shook her head. Johnny closes the door and Malik waves them off as the truck drives down the driveway.

“How big is this party?” Kyle asks as he snaps her seatbelt on. “It seems like a bit much for two seven year olds.” He then kisses her on the cheek.

“Yea Bonnie, tha much booze fora kid's party”

“You're under the impression that it will stay that way.” She huffed, “the party for the kids will be ending at 5:30pm. Hopefully all of our more delicate guests will have left by then. We have family flying in from the Americas, people from Gloria's and Symphony's birth packs, some of Aaron's friends, a few of Malik's. I'm praying that Xavier's people from his business don't show up but hey who knows, boy is a mystery when it comes to his social circle.”

Johnny hums as he drapes his arm around her, legs spreading out so that his knee bumps into hers. He's always looking to invade her space, touch her, be on her if he can't be in her. He inhales deeply, the scent of cocoa butter and vanilla and it goes straight to cock. She's been teasing them all since they all initially fucked her. He hadn't been able to stop thinking about how his Simon looked fucking into her that night. It's one thing to experience the big guy, another to actually see it. On their date to go laser tagging, she wore a skirt and under it, the world's sluttiest pair of panties. Somehow he ended up getting her to give them to him and while he wanted more, wanted to bury his face in her pussy, she denied him. So he kept her panties, wrapped them around his cock as soon as he got into his room and rutted into his fist to thoughts of his bonnie lass, and how her nails felt gripping his mohawk.

“Johnny, what's going through that dirty head of yours?” Bambi lays her hand on his upper thigh, dangerously close to where his cock is starting to harden.

He feels his cheeks warm up and he knows he is caught. Kyle is laughing at him, calling him a perv, Simon grunts and shakes his head and Cap is looking at him via the rear view mirror. Johnny looks back at his Bonnie and is reminded of their last conversation.

“Johnny” She had said in a sultry voice, they were parked down the road from her house. Both of them were sweaty from chasing each other during their laser tag date. She was perched so pretty in his lap, her lip gloss gone because he licked it off her during their kiss. “Sometimes I enjoy just being told what to do and then being made to do it.”

Johnny is staring now, he knows he is. They still have about thirty minutes before they get to the shops, and that's not counting the traffic. He is quiet for once while Bambi goes back to chatting with the others about clothing sizes. She says something about having already ordered Simon something pink to wear that would help him relax.

“You already got me something, Princess?” Simon turns slightly to look at her.

“Yeah, I got you a pink shiesty.” She nods her head.

Kyle groans, “It's called a balaclava Dove.”

“It will cover his face no matter what we call it and it's pink so it matches the theme. I even stitched a little skull on the cheek.” She playfully nudges Kyle in the arm, “besides what do I look like calling it baklava.”

“You got me a mask?” Simon's voice is low and there's a bit of confusion.

Bambi pulls out her phone and shows Simon what has to be a picture of the mask she got him. “Yeah, I picked up that having your face uncovered makes you tense and agitated. Not sure why you feel the need to hide such a handsome face, but I'm at least gonna make sure you can be comfortable and still participate.”

The car is quiet for a beat. Everyone just kinda took in what she said. Johnny feels like she ripped the rug clean from under him, all of them really. He feels the urge to fuck her silly, just the idea of their omega looking out for their comfort makes him tingle. Usually it's him doing that for the team, but right at this moment, he wants to reward her. Encourage the behavior, let her know they appreciate it.

“Did I cross a line?” Bambi asks, she's looking at everyone, slightly worried.

Johnny reaches over her and undoes her seat belt and shoves her down into Kyle's lap. She flails for a moment before Kyle gets her situated, already knowing what's about to happen. Johnny flips up the cute flowy skirt, slides it up her gorgeous brown thighs. The panties she wears today are neon pink and more lace than anything. Does she purposely wear such scandalous knickers under skirts and dresses? He strips them off of her, hands them to Simon, and he ignores Bambi's protest to give them back.

In fact she squirms and wriggles, “Johnny we don't have time.” She gasps as he gives a few kitten links to her clit.

“Ye’re gonna let me eat this pussy an’ ye're gonna sit back an’ enjoy it.” He isn't asking her, he's telling her just like she told him to do a few days ago. Then after he has his face buried completely between her thighs. He drags his tongue over her hole, dips it in to taste the beginning of her slick dripping from her.

A groan escapes him as he pushes his tongue into her. He slurps and sucks on her, kisses her clit before he sucks that too between his lips. Normally he would tease her, but this is a reward. He wants to thank her for caring about and looking after the group's most closed off and guarded member. The alpha in him purrs at the sound of her gasps and whines as she shudders against her pleasure. With each suck he gives her, his tongue flattens against her pearl and flicks up and then down.

“Lovie, please” She presses her hips up and Johnny pushes them back down into the leather seats. He doubles his efforts at the sound of his actual title leaving her lips. He'll reward her for that too, and two of his fingers slip into her warm wet cunt immediately.

“You're such a sweet little omega.” Kyle kisses her cheek and then turns her head to kiss her deeply on the lips. He sucks on her tongue, his hands wandering under her shirt to shove up her bra and pluck her nipples. He pulls away from the kiss, his lips hovering close to hers, “Already looking out for us, a true little gift you are.”

Bambi tries to close her legs but Johnny won't let her. He's ravenous with drinking up her slick as it spills out around each thrust of his fingers. He wishes it was his cock inside of her feeling the rhythmic clenching of her insides. He wiggles his fingers each time they are shoved into her, searching for that spot that will make her cream for him. He wants her to squirt on his face, fuck the shopping trip. He unlatches his mouth from her clit the second she wails out in pleasure.

“Fuck did I fin’ your sweet spot Bonnie?” He teased, his breathing was erratic as he quickly pumped his fingers in and out of her. The squelch of her pussy was music to his ears. “fuck I think she likes it.”

“Lovie, I can't, please Lovie!” Bambi is in hysterics as he forces her towards her orgasm as quickly as possible.

“Yea ye can, I just wannae make ye feel good.” He leans back down and licks up her slick from his wrist all the way up to her clit. When he's got enough on his tongue he pulls Kyle into a kiss. He wants to give his girl a show and it works from how she gasps and moans at the display.

“Oh fuck!” Bambi cums with a shout. Her body trembles with the waves of her orgasm but Johnny keeps the pressure of his fingers in her.

In and out, in and out. His thumb presses against her clit, drawing out her pleasure. The sounds of her whimpers and cries for mercy makes him proud and restless. He made her cum that hard and he is feeling a smug satisfaction about it. Bambi calms down and her body relaxes, he slowly slips his fingers from her. Without thinking, he shoves them into his own mouth and sighs at the taste of her. The taste of his darling bonnie omega.

“Wh- what was that for?” Bambi asks as she tries to catch her breath.

“Just ma thankin ye for lookin out for Si.” He answers with an impish smile.

“I'll be sure to do that more often then. Can I have my panties back?” She sits up and leans against Kyle. “I have on a skirt.”

“No.” John says before anyone else can answer, “Your skirt is long enough.”

She sucks her teeth and rolls her eyes, “What if someone sees?”

“You act as if the four of us can't deter others from looking at what's ours. So like he said…you're not getting them back.” Simon teases her, but there is truth to that statement.

Bambi pouts and turns her nose up, “All of you suck, I'm not even gonna go easy on y’alls pockets like I was gonna do.”

Everyone laughs as the truck pulls into a parking spot.

[kamaluhkhan]

i'm not wanting anything (but your loving, your body, and a little bit of your brain)

pairing: shuri x fem!reader

summary: being an avenger doesn't leave you much time for college life (let alone a girlfriend), you and gwen stacy accidentally show up to a halloween party in a couple's costume, and shuri is determined to prove who you really belong to.

warnings: allusions to PTSD and death, mentions of alcohol and partying and smut - fingering (both shuri and reader receiving), oral (shuri receiving), thigh riding....

song inspo: "thats what i want" by lil nas x

a/n: hello!! this is my first time posting a fic on tumblr and im so nervous but very excited because shuri has been on my mind for the longest time. reader is an avenger in her senior year of college and best friends/roommates with peter parker. this is set before black panther: wakanda forever, and after endgame but some things are different (the blip was only a year, steve and tony both died in the final battle with thanos). anyways, please enjoy!!

before the blip, you had the whole work/life/superhero thing (mostly) down to a science. now, everyone was still processing the absolute mindfuck of half the universe being snapped away by a mad titan, only to be returned by a group of heroes one year later.

in the midst of it all, the girl you'd travelled across time and space for somehow ended up low on your priority list, but you found comfort in the fact that it was mutual. you were busy in new york, with college (senior year was kicking your ass) and avengers work (trying to keep the city safe with half the team gone and the others scattered across the universe was exhausting) and your internship at oscorp (basically unpaid labor, but you needed the credit to graduate). shuri spent most of her time catching up on what she missed, working on scientific and technological developments in wakanda whenever she wasn't travelling with her brother around the world for united nations or wakandan outreach reasons. there was only so much calling or texting that can be done before your relationship started to feel like an afterthought.

tonight was supposed to change all that.

harry osborn was throwing a 'halloween in january' party. shuri was in new york with t'challa, but she'd promise to keep this night free, and you promised the same. you were looking forward to being surrounded by a crowd of drunk 20-somethings, taking shots, dancing to music that was way too loud, feeling shuri next to you.

normally, you didn't dress up for the holiday - wearing a supersuit all the time kinda takes the novelty away from wearing a costume - but if halloween could be in january, you decided tonight would be the exception. you'd decided on a red lace bralette with a matching vinyl skirt, fishnet stockings, and a headband with devil horns. you didn't normally show this much skin. it was supposed to be a surprise for shuri, and the hope was that the outfit would drive her crazy. you had finished decorating your face with glitter and were about to swipe on some red liquid lipstick when the text signal rang from your phone.

shuri ♡

i won't be able to come to the party tonight - brother wants me to join him at an ambassador's dinner. i'm sorry. love you.

you knew that there had been one too many times when you had done the same to her - needing to attend to your avengers duties instead of spend time together, cancelling at the last minute on plans you were both looking forward to. you would see each other next time one of you happened to be in the same place, which started to feel less and less likely. that was just the way things were. you were fine with it. totally fine.

after you send shuri a quick no worries! i understand, you finish applying your makeup, taking one last look in the mirror, ready to party even if you didn't have your girlfriend by your side.

harry osborn was shirtless, wearing only a red and gold tie, jeans, and round glasses. you were pretty sure peter choked on spit when harry walked up to you, chest sparkling with a mixture of sweat and glitter under the disco lights.

"magic harry potter, right?" you guessed, glimpsing the lazily drawn lightning bolt on his forehead.

harry grinned and did a little spin to show off his costume. "hogwarts student by day, stripper by night," he said, voice strong over the pounding music. he gestured to your outfit, eyes lingering at the top of your bralette. "you look amazing. and you...." he looked peter up and down. "damn."

peter was wearing an earlier model of his spiderman suit. you'd told him it might not be the best costume to wear when he was still very much clinging to the whole secret identity thing. he didn't particularly care, though: apparently, he overheard a certain heir to the oscorp dynasty gush about how hot spiderman must be under the suit, and how much hotter it would be to be tied up by his webs. needless to say, by the way harry looks equally entranced by peter as peter is by him, your guess is that his eavesdropping paid off.

"come on parker, let's dance." harry didn't wait for an answer, only pushed through the crowd of people. he turned around and locked eyes with peter, a flirtatious grin on his face. you spotted a bar in the corner, and bartenders dressed up as various halloween creatures who walked around with trays of bright neon shot glasses. when a skeleton offered you some, you grabbed a few before they moved on to a trio dressed up as the powerpuff girls.

"i don't have to go if -"

"go," you interrupted, handing peter one of the drinks in your hand. "one of us should get laid tonight."

even though the flashing multicolored lights made it difficult to know for sure, you guessed that peter was blushing. you clinked glasses, downed the shots. peter kissed your cheek.

"love you!" he said before disappearing into the crowd to find his wizard with shining abs.

you smiled, and made your way to the bar. next to the bar was a table of halloween themed snacks - candy, sugar cookies in the shape of ghosts, orange cupcakes and more - so you popped a few pieces of candy corn into your mouth before ordering a drink. you took another jello shot while you waited, this one sweeter than the last and neon green. looking around the room, you were impress by how decorated it was: orange string lights, pumpkins, ghosts and bats floating from the ceiling. you wouldn't have guessed that harry osborn would be into this kind of thing, assuming that he was a trust fund kid used to parties at yacht clubs, but as "monster mash" played through the speakers, you had to admit you were pleasantly surprised.

you scanned the room to see if there was anyone you recognized. you spotted a mermaid making out with a pink power ranger; a group of fairies doing body shots; someone wearing a zombie captain america costume (steve rogers version) and another in a zombie iron man suit, both of which felt more than a little insensitive. it hadn't even been a year since they were gone, and you didn't need the reminder. you glared at the zombies from across the room, and the captain america actually noticed you, offering some sort of awkward salute, like you were a war hero. somehow, that made everything worse and the room suddenly felt suffocating and you just needed some air -

that was how you found yourself on the balcony, overlooking the manhattan skyline. there were heaters outside, thank the gods, so it wasn't too cold. you could still hear the chaos of the party from behind the glass doors, but other than that you were alone - or so you thought.

"you look hot."

you turn around to see gwen stacy in all her glory, wearing an almost perfect replica of claire danes' angel costume from romeo + juliet. the two of you were co-workers more than friends, both working at oscorp along with peter and harry, but it was comforting to see a familiar face.

"and you look amazing," you complimented.

"here, you looked like you might need this." she handed you a sugar cookie decorated with orange frosting and black sprinkles, which you gratefully accepted.

you split it in half, handing one back to gwen before devouring your own. you washed it down with the neon orange drink you'd ordered earlier, before offering a sip to gwen.

"god, is that --"

"vodka and orange crush," you explained. "apparently harry osborn likes to color coordinate his parties like he does his lab notes. at least this makes sense."

gwen laughed, angelic and carefree. "you wanna go back inside? i've always wanted to dance with the devil, and i was hoping this would be my lucky night."

you'd been around long enough to know that gwen was flirting with you and even if you were totally, completely committed and in love with a certain wakandan, you were feeling a little tipsy (probably more from sugar than alcohol, it was hard to tell), and it felt nice to be complimented, to be noticed, to be touched. so, you let gwen lead you to the dance floor, your bodies close together. you let her flirt with you, and maybe flirted a bit with her back. you let people compliment your accidental couples' costume. you weren't sure how long passed, after a while you heard your name being called over the sound of "somebody's watching me" by rockwell. ironic, you knew.

instantly, you recognized the familiar accent and lilt of her voice. you turned around to see shuri, wearing a black satin suit lined with dark burgundy, the shirt underneath long gone, revealing only a black lace bra and a gold body chain and gods she looked so fucking hot right now, it felt like your entire body was on vibrate.

"shuri!" you exclaimed, voice an octave higher than usual, a little thrown off by her sudden appearance. "um, this is gwen."

"hey! it's nice to meet you. i like your vampire costume --"

"i'm not a vampire," shuri interrupted gwen before dragging you to the bar. she leaned against the counter and ordered a whiskey, draining it in one sip before practically slamming the glass back down. "what in bast's name was that?"

"we were dancing," you explained.

"it looked like the two of you were about to rip each other's clothes off," shuri snapped. "i didn't realize that was how you danced in america."

you bristled. shuri was the one who ditched you tonight, and now she was mad at you? "it's a party. we were just having fun. you're overreacting!"

"i showed up to surprise you, but maybe you'd rather go to bed with that angel over there."

"that's bullshit."

"no, what's bullshit is me walking in on my girlfriend grinding on someone else while wearing this outfit." her eyes grazed your body dangerously, and from the clench in her jaw you could tell she had to restrain herself. "so don't pretend you need me here. it seems like there are other girls you'd like to fuck instead."

shuri ordered another drink, but before it arrived, you dragged her to the nearest bathroom. one of the zombie avengers from before - iron man - was about to enter, but you beat them to it, effectively closing and locking to door behind you. you ignored the subsequent banging on the door. harry's apartment was huge; you were sure there was at least one more bathroom, and you couldn't bring yourself to care about whether that asshole got a uti or not.

while shuri remained standing, pacing back and forth on the marble floor, you leaned against the counter, watching her.

"what the fuck was that?" you asked, arms crossed over your chest. "you walk in here accusing me of what - wanting to cheat on you? do you know how ridiculous that sounds?"

"you have to admit, it couldn't have looked good from where i was standing. you grinding on some blonde girl, wearing a couple's costume. don't think i didn't notice that, too."

your cheeks felt warm, knowing that shuri might have a point. "in my defense, the costumes were a coincidence and the grinding.... maybe that was less of a coincidence," you admit. you walk over to shuri, placing your hands on her cheeks to get her to finally look you in the eye. she gently pushed you away, looking down instead, but stayed in front of you. "look, i get that it probably looked like --"

"like you wanted to have gwen's babies."

you took shuri's humor as a good sign, continuing with a soft smile on your face. "please know that i'm 110% committed to you. i would never want to do anything to make you think otherwise. but...i'm not going to apologize for dancing, and having fun, because shit's been....fuck, shuri, it's been hard."

"you don't think it's been hard for me, too?" she scoffed, finally meeting your gaze. "i was gone for an entire year, and the world just moved on, and - and maybe it doesn't need me anymore. maybe you don't -- " she let the words get caught in your throat, and she broke away from your gaze once more.

oh.

what you thought was a burst of jealousy was actually...something else.

"hey." you take her chin between your thumb and your index finger, turning her head to look at you. "hey. i don't care how many dates either of us miss, how many oceans or time zones separate us, you are my person and i'm yours, okay? i will always need you." you moved to drape your arms around her neck, and she instinctively grabbed your hips, hands dangerously close to your ass. your bare torsos touched, the cool metal of her body chain brushing against you and sending shivers throughout your body.

you could tell that her eyes were slightly glazed over, and wondered if she was about to cry. your heart ached as you placed a gentle kiss on her forehead, as if to let her know: i'm here, and i'm not going anywhere anytime soon.

she didn't say anything, but instead closed the gap between your lips. it was such a rush kissing her, after all this time. her lips tasted like whiskey, mixed with sugar from the candy you'd been eating. when you pulled apart you felt dizzy.

"shuri." you whimpered. she lowered her head to the side of your jaw, placing a kiss just below your ear before whispering:

"tell me what you need from me."

"so much," you answered. "i need you on top of me, under me, inside me."

shuri's lips ghosted yours, the hint of a smirk.

"come on, sithandwa," she taunted, letting her xhosa slip out. "you can do better than that. be specific."

"fuck," you groaned. you found yourself being pushed back against the counter, the marble cold against your bare skin. shuri didn't stop kissing you everywhere, her hands exploring your body. "i - i don't know. something, anything, everything. any time i try to get off i need to think of you, but it's never as good as the real thing. and now that you're here now...." your words trailed off into a sigh. right now, you couldn't make a reasonable argument, let alone a logical sentence, even if you tried. you just wanted to relish in the moment - to enjoy her.

you throw your head back when you feel her thumbs brush underneath the vinyl of your skirt, the slight pressure reminding you that she was here, with you, for you.

"fine, i'll decide," she said sternly. she gestured for you to sit on the counter, and you did just that. shuri adjusted her body between your thighs, spreading them wider. she shuddered seeing the red lace thong you wore, the lack of fabric covering you, and met your gaze once again, eyes darker than before. "you don't get to come if you don't stay quiet. so be quiet for me, yeah?"

you bit your lip and nodded. anything, everything. she smirked, pushed the fabric of your panties aside, and sunk two of her fingers into you, knowing you were ready for her. even after weeks, months, apart, shuri could always read your body, know what you needed, how you needed it. the answer was simple, really; like you said, it was always her, her, her.

she kissed you, harsh and messy, tongue and teeth, swallowing your moans as her fingers brought you closer and closer to your release. shuri pulled your bottom lip with her teeth before moving to suck on your collarbone, your jaw, your neck. she bit down on your skin, right at your pulse point.

"i thought - i thought you weren't a vampire," you attempted a joke, but that was a mistake. you'd let a low groan tumble from your lips. another when she let her tongue soothe over the sting from her bite.

"i don't appreciate the attitude," shuri replied, her voice steady, but the corners of her mouth, slightly upturned, threatening to turn into a smile, gave her away. she was loving this. "and, i told you to be quiet."

she removed her fingers from your cunt and promptly shoved them past your red lips. you groaned again when she kissed you roughly, the taste of you dancing across your tongues.

"we'll try one more time to see if you can follow instructions. make me come, and maybe you can finish after."

she swapped your positions and unbuttoned her pants, pulling them off along with her briefs, as you got on your knees before her.

there was a joke here about the devil worshiping an angel, but you were too focused on her. her smell, gods, her taste - it was too overwhelming, and all you wanted was more. you'd spent your whole life on your knees for shuri if you could: worshiping her body, worshiping her.

you draped one of her legs over your shoulder, giving your tongue better access. shuri tugged on your hair slightly and you moaned, sending vibrations up her body.

"bast, that's it," she groaned. you added a finger, while your tongue worked her clit. "fuck. i missed you."

you brought her to the edge, stayed with her as she came. she probably expected you to get back on your feet right away, but you stayed, adding another finger and sucking her clit. she moaned your name.

you pulled away slightly. "one more, pretty girl," you promised. "can you do that for me?" she nodded furiously, and you went back to work.

when she came once more, you kissed her ankle before releasing her leg. shuri pulled you up to your feet, sucked the taste of her off your tongue.

"i missed you, too." you pull away, breathless, heart racing. "do i get to come now?"

shuri hummed. her thumb wiped the smudged lipstick below your lip. she studied you, admired you, like you were a fucking work of art that belonged in the met, like you hadn't just fucked her through two consecutive orgasms in the bathroom at a rich kid's upper east side apartment while michael jackson's "thriller" played outside the door.

"take off your thong." you did as instructed. she pulled you towards her, and lodged a leg in between yours. your cunt brushed against the skin of her thigh, back and forth as shuri guided your hips. "i can't believe you got all dressed up like this. absolutely sinful. and these...."

her hands moved to your thighs, nails digging into the flesh and dragging across your fishnets, effectively ripping them.

"shuri!" you protested, though it sounds like a moan.

"i'll buy you more. now, are you gonna come for me?"

the sound of her voice, the feeling of her skin against your heat, the smell of the two of you intertwining, it was too much. your orgasm crashed into you, and you were grateful that shuri held you through it. you kissed her once more before removing yourself from her grasp, smoothing down your skirt and looking around for your underwear.

"where are my...."

you looked over as shuri tucked your red thong into the inner pocket of her jacket.

"i'm guessing you'll buy me replacements for those, too."

she flashed you a shit eating grin before putting on her own underwear. she then pulled up her pants, not wiping your release from her thigh. the thought of her walking around, leg sticky with you, made your pussy clench.

the sound of someone banging on the door brought you out of your post-orgasm haze.

"holy fuck! hurry up!" they shouted.

"given your costume, i would say that was an unholy fuck," shuri joked, adjusting your headband for you. you nudged her playfully, rolling your eyes.

"how about we stay for a few songs, steal some cupcakes and drinks, and then head back to my place for round two?" shuri nodded.

"perfect."

before you opened the door, you shot her one last devilish grin. "oh. and this time, i'm in charge."

the next morning, shuri woke up to an empty bed and the smell of burnt cinnamon.

you were sitting on the small window bench in the corner of your room, a tangle of purple yarn on your lap and crochet needle in your hand. even though there was frost on the window, you only wore a pair of boxers printed with the word 'sunday' and cartoon suns, and an empire state university sweatshirt.

"sithandwa? the bed would be warmer with you in it."

you turned to look at her, snuggled under your brightly colored duvet, eyes half open.

"this should help."

you walked over and wrapped a purple scarf around her neck, sitting cross-legged in front of her. shuri sat up, but kept the duvet wrapped around her. there was still glitter decorating your face from last night, and shuri reached out to brush some away.

"you made this for me?" you nodded.

"rhodey taught me how. said it would help with...." you trailed off, not wanting to go into the details of your insomnia. "anyways, t'challa mentioned at our last team meeting that you're going to vienna after this. we went there once to take down a hydra base and gods, it was freezing."

shuri kissed you, pulling you into her blanket cocoon so that you were inside as well, straddling her waist. you broke apart, and she put her hands under your shirt. you shuddered at the sudden contact, her skin cold. her thumbs rubbed circles under your breasts.

"it gets pretty cold in new york, too, doesn't it?"

"yeah, but i can just make another one," you explained, letting your finger trace the details of her face, her sharp jawline. shuri took your hands in hers.

"no, i mean....i can still wear the scarf you made me when i stay in new york."

you brightened like one of those cartoon suns. shuri staying in new york for more than a day, more than a night, hasn't happened in so long. you yearned to wake up next to her regularly, kiss over coffee and bagels, take the subway together, show her the tourist sights you yourself haven't been to since you were a kid - the statue of liberty, coney island, the works.

you stopped your daydreaming there, not wanting to get too ahead of yourself. life is busy. plans change. people leave, for a little bit or forever. it happens.

"like for another day?" you asked, clearing your throat to subdue the excitement in your stomach.

shuri shook her head. you knew it would be too good to be true.

"like for me to move to new york. to live with you."

wait, what.

"shuri. wakanda's your home just as much as new york is mine. i know this long distance thing has been tough on us, but i would never ask you to leave your home, your family."

shuri said your name softly and gently brought her palms to your cheeks.

"you're not asking. i'm offering. the dinner i had to attend last night was to convince the UN to greenlight our wakandan outreach centre in new york," she explained. "if it goes through, my brother suggested that i be the one to lead it. on site."

"and that's what you want?"

"what i want to be wherever you are. i want to be part of your routine. i want to meet your friends, skip work and spend hours in bed together. i want to be here for you - for parties and movie nights and graduation."

at that word, you put your hand up. "i'm going to stop you right there before you send me into an existential crisis."

shuri grinned. "but yes to the rest of it?"

"yes. yes, of course." you pushed her onto the bed so that you were both lying down, facing each other, your legs tangled together. "so...when is this happening?"

"probably in a month, maybe a month and a half. there are still hands to shake, contracts to sign."

"bureaucracy," you sighed. shuri giggled, and your heart fluttered at the thought that you would get to hear that sound on a regular basis in person, not just through cellphone frequencies.

"i am, however, staying for a few more days while my brother takes care of things in vienna. so you're not getting rid of me just yet."

"now that is great news." you kissed her once, then twice.

suddenly, there was a knock on your door.

shuri readjusted your position so that the length of the duvet covered both of your bodies. "come in pete!" you said once she was done.

the door opened and peter parker's face came into view, along with a plate of those ready to bake cinnamon rolls that must have been fresh out of the oven.

"there's extra if you want," he offered.

"that'd be great, thanks." you gratefully accepted the plate, swiping some icing from the edge and licking it off your finger. "what's the special occasion?"

peter cleared his throat. "no special occasion."

you glanced the hickey on his collarbone. "oh, so harry stayed over last night and you wanted to make a good impression on him. breakfast in bed, domestic husband, sort of thing."

"that's not --"

"that's exactly it!" a voice from the kitchen interrupted.

"good morning, harry!" you replied, smiling tauntingly at peter.

"harry, i don't think we've met!" shuri added. "peter has told me so much about you...."

peter groaned and flipped you both off before shutting the door.

"thanks for the cinnamon rolls!" you shouted.

there was a pause before the door opened slightly. a curt, "you're welcome," was offered before it was closed once again.

you got up to put on a record as shuri devoured a cinnamon roll.

"you know, i'm really happy you're staying for a bit because i actually need your help with some things." you ripped off a piece covered in frosting and stuffed it in your mouth.

shuri raised her eyebrow, waiting for you to explain.

"my electric toothbrush has been weird - i can't figure out, for the life of me, what is wrong with it - and i've asked peter to fix it one too many times at this point," you continued, ticking off checkboxes in your head. "i wanted to talk to you about some potential upgrades for my suit that i would love your opinion on. oh, and i'm pretty sure i also broke my vibrator." you grinned sheepishly. "i didn't even bother to ask peter about that one because we don't need to be that close."

shuri stiffled a laugh, muffled by a mouthful of cinnamon and cream cheese frosting. she swallowed. "how do you even break a vibrator?"

"i don't know!" you exclaimed. "that's where you come in."

"baby." shuri wrapped her arms around your torso. "if i'm staying around for a while, you won't need a vibrator."

[sycamorelibrary754]

Guardian Angel

Chapter 5: Just One Kiss

Summary: Even in your worst moment, your compassion and kindness make it easy for Wanda to open up to you in a way she never has with anyone. 

Warnings: Mentions of past trauma, hospital.

Word Count: 2.2k

A/N: This chapter just about did me in lmao. Hope you enjoy!

Guardian Angel Masterlist

You found yourself gazing intently at Wanda, her question lingering between you. The combination of the heavy dose of pain medication coursing through your veins and her palpable unease made it challenging for you to muster a coherent response. Your mind felt hazy and disconnected, as if you were floating in a foggy dream. Meanwhile, Wanda's eyes bored into yours, awaiting a reply that didn't seem to be coming anytime soon.

“You know what? This isn’t necessary. We shouldn’t be talking about this right now.  You need to rest. I should—"

"Wanda, stop, please," you uttered with a raspy voice as you tried to sit up, ignoring the pain. "Look at me," you said, trying to catch her gaze. The redhead closed her eyes momentarily before finally meeting your eyes. "What are you talking about?"

Fury’s words echoed in her mind.

“Do you know what I went through to keep Westview classified?”

This was a side of Wanda you hadn't seen before in the short time you had known her. The usually confident and bubbly woman could not speak, and it pained you to see her like that. Her anxiety was evident, so you took the initiative to speak first.

“You were blipped,” you said slowly

"Yes," she replied softly.

“The Battle for Earth,” you started cautiously. “You fought, I remember.”

"I did," she said while wiping a tear from the corner of her eye.

“You see, I was right! You’re a hero. The world owes you everything.” 

“No, I’m not Y/N. You don’t know everything; no one outside of this building does. I’m not who you think I am,” lip trembling.

It was at that moment you finally saw the suffering flowing through her. The pain that stood as witness to all she had kept hidden and everything she was struggling to tell you.

“The Mind Stone connected Vision and me, but it was more than a mere connection. " She hesitated with a shaky breath. The vision was everything to me. He sacrificed himself for a chance to stop Thanos, and the burden of his sacrifice rested upon me," her voice somber. "That sacrifice meant I had to..." she bit her shaky lip, "I'm sorry.

"It's okay, I'm right here," you whispered.

“I had to destroy the Mind Stone. I was forced to take the life of the only one I ever loved,” she felt her throat start to close as tears welled up in her eyes. “I killed him. I didn’t have a choice.”

"Oh, Wanda," your eyes sparkling with unshed tears.

“Nothing worked. Thanos was just too powerful," she said, her voice trembling. "After the dust settled, I returned to retrieve his remains, only to find out that SWORD had taken his body into custody. When I saw him, he had already been... dismantled.”

That wasn't your fault," you said, trying to reason with her. "You did everything you could.”

As she spoke, her voice trembled with emotion. Her eyes were fixed on the ground as if lost in thought. "Vision and I had everything planned out. We were going to start a new life together in Westview. I remember finding the deed to the property after the battle was over. But when I saw what they had done to him, I was overwhelmed with shock and confusion. I didn't know what to do or where to go. It was like my whole world had been turned upside down. So I just got in the car and drove. For hours and hours, I drove without any destination in mind. When I finally stopped, I realized that I had somehow ended up in Westview. It was as if fate had brought me there, to this quiet little town where I could try to start over and forget the pain of the past."

You reached for her, tilting her chin so her eyes met yours again. "The grief was overwhelming," her voice cracked. "I didn't know what was happening and lost control." The dam finally broke, and tears gushed down her ashen cheeks. "It brought him back to me in some form. It blessed me with the boys." She wiped her eyes, but the tears came anyway. "But I hurt so many people, Y/N," the shame tearing her apart. "I trapped them in my grief.

“No, you’re here now,” you reminded her gently. 

“I was able to put an end to it when I realized the pain I had caused, but nothing can take away what I did, Y/N,” shaking her head. “I don’t deserve to be here.”

A deep sense of disbelief filled your heart as you gazed at the woman before you. Here was someone who had shown you immense compassion and kindness, yet her pain was as profound as the raging storm outside your window. The darkness of her sorrow seemed to envelop everything in its path, leaving you feeling helpless and lost.

“Don’t you dare say that, Wanda,” your breathing a bit labored. “I see so much good and love in you. I knew it from the moment you looked me in the eyes in that cafe, and I saw it the day you walked into my shop. The way you talk about Billy and Tommy. You are a good person.”

You placed your hand against her cheek. The slight movement pulled at the IV buried in your skin, but you didn't care. You softly caressed her face with the pad of your thumb and said, "I may not understand all that you've been through, but I do know that a world without Wanda Maximoff is not a world I want to live in."

“Y/N…” 

Wanda’s walls had come crashing down, but what you found behind them was beautiful. The collection of unshed tears made her green eyes dazzle like emeralds. You leaned in and before you realized what you were doing she met you halfway. Your lips met ever so softly, like a bird’s wings riding the wind. You kissed her slowly, deeply, purposefully, intent on cherishing every last bit of her. She could feel the warmth of your soft cheeks radiate over hers. The pace of your heart rate monitor quickened as adrenaline coursed through you. 

As she pulled away, Wanda stumbled over her words, "I'm sorry, y/n, I didn't mean to. I shouldn't have..."

"No, Wanda. It's okay," you say, trying your best to reassure her.

“No, it isn’t, you’re so vulnerable. For God’s sake, Y/N, you almost died today! I don’t know what got into me,” rising from her chair. “I should go; they’ll be expecting me in the debrief. I’ll come back later,” she said unconvincingly.

"Uh, sure," you mutter, attempting to mask your disappointment.

Without another word, Wanda hurriedly left the room, leaving you with the faint sensation of her lips on yours and your thoughts.

*^~^*

Wanda had changed into the clothes that Sam had brought her and walked into the conference room to find the debriefing already in progress. She took her seat next to Natasha at the table, while Cap was discussing various aspects of their response to the accident. Suddenly, Nat nudged Wanda under the table to get her attention.

“How’s y/n?” she mumbled.

"Her condition is stable. She woke up while I was with her," Wanda whispered.

“Good.” Nat replied.

“Wanda," Steve's voice interrupted, breaking the silence. "I had a chance to speak with Helen earlier, and she mentioned your friend. We're all happy to hear that everything turned out okay.

"Oh, thank you. I am, too," she said while biting her lower lip.

Yelena observed the entire exchange from the other end of the table, reading the witch's body language. "I hope we get to meet her," she said with a smile.

“Maybe,” the redhead considered. “Once she’s out of the woods.” 

Wanda texted Darcy after the meeting, letting her know she would be home in an hour. As she reached the door, an arm suddenly appeared and blocked her exit.

“What happened?” Natasha asked.

Wanda looked at her curiously. “What do you mean?”

“With Y/N,” Nat said. “I saw you out there today and see it in your eyes right now.” 

“Are you ever not watching me?” Wanda asked sarcastically; turning around and walking back toward her chair. 

“Would it surprise you if I said no,” Nat smirked, hands in the pockets of her hoodie.

“Not really,” lifting herself to sit on the conference table with a sigh, “ Y/N and I kissed.” 

Nat raised an eyebrow and asked, "And how does that make you feel?”

“Are you my therapist now?” Wanda asked, tying her hair up in a messy bun with the hair tie on her wrist. 

“To be honest, we could both use one,” she said, meeting the witch's gaze.

“We were both so vulnerable. She almost died; I was sobbing over Vision and Westview; I don’t know what came over me. She was so compassionate and understanding; I don’t know,” Wanda trailed off.

“It's okay to have feelings for her. It would be best if you talked to her,” Nat said.

“I’m not sure if I can go back up there,” her eyes avoiding the widow.

“You can, and you will. I’ll go with you if you want me to,” her hands on Wanda’s shoulders.

*^~^*

As you lay in your Med Bay room, you gradually begin to feel the effects of the pain medication administered by Helen and Banner start to subside. A sharp twinge of pain shoots through your body, causing you to let out a groan. You reach out for the call button, knowing that you need to alert the medical staff of your discomfort. The room around you is quiet, save for the beeping of the machines monitoring your vital signs. You take a deep breath and press the button, hoping that help will arrive soon.

"Ms. Y/L/N, are you alright?" the nurse asked, reassuringly smiling.

I'm really starting to hurt. Is there any chance I could get some more pain medication?” You asked.

"Sure, it's almost time for your next oral dose, about 15 minutes from now," she said, making adjustments to your morphine drip.

“So, Claire," you said after glancing at her name tag, "I assume this isn’t a place where you encounter a lot of civilians, am I right?”

“No, you’re the first one,” she helped you sit up and adjusted your pillows.

As you lay back down, grimacing, trying to adjust your sling and broken leg, "Well, I feel special then."

“You should! It’s not every day that group gets to see what happens after they save someone. I think it’s good for them,” she winked.

A soft knock catches your attention. You turn to see Wanda peeking into your room. You tried to play it cool, but you couldn't help how your face lit up at the sight of her.

"Hey, I told you I'd be back. How are you feeling?" Walking in with another redhead in tow.

“I've been better," you said, smirking as you fidgeted with your oxygen cannula. "Listen, about what happened earlier...

"We don't need to talk about that right now, Y/N. You need to rest," Wanda said as she sat beside you. The second red-headed woman stood beside her. "This is Natasha Romanoff," she introduced, trying to change the subject.

After gently shaking your hand, Nat said, "It's nice to formally meet you this time."

"I'm sorry I didn't recognize you the other day. I was busy being tackled," you said, smirking at Wanda.

Wanda blushed. Even on your worst day, you were exceptionally charming.

“Don’t worry about it. Truthfully, it’s great when we aren’t recognized,” Nat said. “I just wanted to come up and see how you were doing. The team was really worried about you.”

“I'm doing okay, all things considered," you said, sighing deeply. "I honestly feel lucky to be alive... Dr. Cho told me how bad off I was when you brought me in, Wanda. I didn't get a chance to say it before, but thank you," your voice shook, "Thank you for saving me," you said while wiping away a tear that was threatening to fall from your eye with your good hand.

The witch held your hand tightly, "We weren't going to let you die out there."

Nataha’s heart melted at the interaction. If she wasn’t sure before, she was now. Maximoff had it bad.

Helen softly entered the room with her tablet and said, "Excuse me, I hope I'm not interrupting anything."

“Not at all,” still holding on to Wanda’s hand. 

“I just wanted to check your stitches before Claire changes your bandages in a few minutes.”

“Oh, we can step out,” Nat offered. 

“No, it’s okay,” you reassured. “You’ve already seen me at my worst. Besides, I like the company.”

Helen carefully inspected your stitches, ensuring everything was healing correctly, while Wanda gently held your hand. 

“Everything looks good,” Helen said. “I also wanted to talk to you about your recovery. We couldn’t reach your parents with the numbers from your phone. Is there anyone else we can contact for you?”

"Figures," you muttered quietly.

The unexpected response from you caught Wanda off guard. As a curious person, the redhead had been wondering about your background and was eager to learn more about your past. However, she decided to wait until your condition had improved before approaching the topic and made a mental note to ask you about your family at a later time.

You thought for a moment. “Try my friend Harper Reynolds. She's the assistant manager at the Candy Bar," you suggested. Then it hit you like a ton of bricks. "Oh shit, she's probably freaking out because I never made it to work," you said, running your hand over your face in frustration.

“We will call her. You will be here for a couple more weeks, and after that, you will require full-time care and physical therapy,” Helen explained.

“How are you going to manage on your own?” Wanda asked. 

“I’ll figure something out,” doing your best to reassure her.

She spoke softly, "Y/N, I visited your apartment. You live alone on the third floor."

“You can stay here,” Natasha interrupted.

“What?” Turning to the Black Widow.

“She’s right,” Wanda said. “My old bedroom in the compound living quarters is empty. You can’t be by yourself right now. Plus, Helen will be able to monitor your recovery more closely if you’re in the building.”

You were surprised by the suggestion. No, you couldn't stay here. You weren't excited about managing your recovery alone, but you never accepted help easily.

Wanda could see the gears turning in your head and didn’t wait for a response, “It’s settled then, she’ll stay here. We’ll send the guys to pick up your stuff.”

“Okay, I guess I’m staying here then,” you concurred.

“Yeah, like you had a choice,” Nat joked.

[gojoswhitebabydolllashes]

The decline and fall of two wolverines

Logan howlett x reader

-

DEADPOOL AND WOLVERINE SPOILERS!!!

-

Warnings: idk yet. The brain emoji represents when a flashback is starting.

-

🧠

I tried to murder Jean Grey.

I say tried because nothing can happen in the mansion without Xavier poking around in your brain.

'Are you sure that's what you want to do?'

'You know you can't turn back after this'

'Your better than this, you know that'

His voice echoed painfully through my head. I held my dagger tightly as tears streamed from my eyes.

'Come to me, child'

The pain grew deeper. Invading each cavity of my skull and destroying my senses completely. It was unbearable, and I thought I might explode within seconds if I didn't get out of here soon.

'STOP. FOR GODSAKE STOP IT!'

And this is when I learnt that I could talk back.

-----

The mission to destroy Cassandra Nova was not going to be easy. Despite Wade's excitement to, and i quote verbatim 'absolutely shred some fucking skulls' it turns out I would end up siding with Logan, who also felt strongly that this was a horrible idea.

"You are going to get killed." I put my head in my hands.

"It's worth it, we'd rather die doing this than die here like cowards" Elektra scoffed.

I glared at her and stood up. The floorboards beneath me creaked eerily as I strode toward elektra with a slit eyes.

''Are you calling me a coward?"

I watched the woman gulp. "No, I called him a coward. He's the one forcing you to stay here," she pointed at Logan, who furrowed his brows and expelled his long silver claws from both hands.

A coward?

A fucking coward?

I held up my hand, and within an instant, it began to transform into a long knife. From my wrist to the top of my head was a silver blade.

I wish I could say I had a cool name for it. But I don't. I'm just a human katana.

"I'm sure your a great person, but unless you want to start drinking through a fucking straw I suggest you apologize"

The room was silent. I felt as if i had ruined their moment, but I didn't care.

"Sorry, you're not a coward." she rolled her eyes and walked off.

I retracted my hand blade, but Logan still held his own out, the shining metal claws protruding ominously as he stood in the light of the window.

I turned around and looked at everyone.

"Motherfucker that was scary as shit. I almost cut off my own dick to stop you doing it with that fucking thing"

Even Wade's joke couldn't stop my anger. I wasn't going with them. They were all going to die anyways. I'd rather hear of it than be there to watch it.

-

🧠

I'm not sure that there's anyone left on earth who understands what loss means.

Yes, it's death. Yes, it's watching life drain from a person. But it can be the loss of your life together too and the loss of their love and their voice, how their breathing sounds and how they laugh.

Hell what the fuck do I know. After all what have I truly lost?

God fucking damn it.

The years at the TVA were not as smooth going as I had initially hoped. Each day was something new, another disaster. I had even written a list of the reoccurring people, the ones that we could basically never get rid of.

Monday: always scarlet witch. Always so tattered and torn, shivering with heartbreak and anger of grief.

Tuesday: Loki's. Loki's of every kind. Ragnarok Loki's, TVA Loki's, jotun Loki's even.

Wednesday: Perhaps the most shattering of all, we would get iron man variants quite often. Sometimes, a zombie sometimes just before the blip. Most times, it was before he built the iron Man suit at all.

Thursdays: Captain America. Now, these were tough ones. Their were a fucking lot of these. Zombie ones, soldier ones, ones still frozen somehow. Pre serum ones. Ones where he works for HYDRA. Those are the scariest ones, the red skull Steve Rogers is not for the faint hearted.

Fridays: Fridays were... well Friday.

-

I sat outside the hut as the others geared up for their mission. Logan had come with me, but he didn't say much. My Logan talked way too much, so it was awkward hearing him be so silent.

"Your not going?" I spoke.

"Nah. I don't have the fucking patience for it"

A small moment of silence ensued before Logan spoke again.

"That hand thing you can do," he started. "Is it all over you?"

I scratched my neck and yawned. "To be honest, I've never thought of it"

I looked at my legs and stretched them out. "If I could have knife legs it would sure make walking interesting" I laughed

Logan beside me chuckled. God, he even laughs like him.

"I thought I was the only one who had this kind of power," he said as he brought out one of his claws.

"I thought I used to be as well. Your claws are made of adamantium aren't they? Well your entire skeleton is isn't it?"

He replied with a hum. "So what's yours then? Stainless steel?" He joked

I laughed at his words. "No. Actually, it's Vibranium"

"Vibranium, huh? What's that like a vibrating metal?"

It occurred to me then and there that this Logan doesn't know about the multiverse.

"No, it's uh, one of the earths strongest metals. like from wakanda?" I smiled nervously.

Apparently, something in him ticked off as I said that. He grew out the rest of his claws on his hand and pushed me against the tree behind me with one swift move. I was crushed between adamantium spikes and a rough tree.

He scowled at me.

"You will never be my wife." He spat

Venom laced the air around us. Encasing me in a bubble of fear.

"You might look like her and talk like her, hell you even fucking smell like her, that stupid fucking flower scent. Follows you around like a lost puppy"

The hate in his eyes grew each word. "You are not my fucking wife and I don't give a single fuck about what happened in your universe, whether you saved my life or not, I hope in every single one of them, you fucking die"

[shiplessoceans]

Hen saw it on Eddie's face when he turned his back on the happy throng of well-wishers in the firehouse. Watched the way his easy grin vanished, replaced by a grimace as his jaw tightened and eyebrows furrowed downward.

She jumped into action the moment she realised that his stricken expression was morphing into one of terror and that he suddenly seemed to be having trouble catching his breath.

In four quick strides she got an arm tucked around his waist, quickly and quietly ushering him away from everyone unnoticed. Eddies complete lack of resistance firmed her resolve that he was in trouble.

---

Eddie broke from Hen's hold, leaning against the wall inside the door of the captains outer office and felt his body succumb to the waves of wrong washing over him. His nerves felt like they were on fire, his mind raced and his chest heaved as he struggled to get enough oxygen while resisting his mind command to yell or hit something or run as far as his feet would take him.

He barely registered the press of fingertips against the side of his throat as he squeezed his eyes shut tight, god why wasn't there enough air? He was going to pass out if he couldn't catch his breath soon...

It took him moment to realise Hen was speaking in a low commanding tone, distracted as he was by the sound of his own heartbeat pounding in his ears...

"Eddie? Eddie listen to me. You're having a panic attack but you're gonna be okay, okay? I promise. You are safe right now. Nothing bad is gonna happen okay? Eddie? Eddie I need you to look at me."

Eddie registered Hens words and worked to open his eyes.

Hen looked focused, not worried. And Eddie would trust Hen with his life, so if she said he was going to be fine? Then he would be. Simple as that.

Hen now had her hand on his chest, grounding him and she continued speaking in that same calm tone.

"It's okay, Eddie. It's gonna feel better in a minute. Take your time, you just have to wait for the adrenaline spike to wear off and it'll be over, you got this. Hey, would I ever lie to you?"

Eddie felt his heartrate slow and heaved a few shuddering breaths, each one a little deeper than the last as he managed to get the words out between gasps:

"Not....not about.... about this... I hope."

Hen chuckled and nodded.

"Theeere you go. Try to hold each breath for a second as it comes in, it'll help slow it down. Remember your jello technique?"

Eddie nodded and closed his eyes again, focusing on taking deeper and slower breaths. Tried to remember allowing his body to feel like soft jello and willing it to relax, body part by body part.

Time passed and sometime later Hen had taken her hand off his chest and his breaths began to even out again and Eddie opened his eyes to look at her, mentally preparing to put the wall back up. To reassure her that he was fine and this was a little blip, a simple backslide, that was all. Christopher being gone had obviously taken a toll and having Buck come in and announce that he and Tommy were moving in together must have just taken him by surprise but not to worry, he'd be just fine.

But the words die in his throat, he feels his adrenaline crash and seeing the compassion and sympathy and complete understanding in Hen's face breaks something inside him. The weight of the world falls back on his shoulders and he crumples.

Hen catches him in a hug as he breaks down crying, silently shaking and weeping into the shoulder of her shirt. Hen rubbed his back reassuringly.

"Shhh... It's gonna be okay."

He didn't respond, but Eddie knew she was wrong.

He had been an idiot and waited too long.

He loved two people more than anyone else in the world. His son and his best friend. His son who had asked months ago to be taken away from him, and the best friend he had only just realised he was hopelessly in love with.

And now, he'd lost them both.

[be-compromised]

Thinking of signing up for this year's be_compromised fic exchange? Sign ups close 16:00 GMT this MONDAY 14 OCTOBER.

We currently have 13 people taking part! If you're undecided about joining us, here's a sample of prompts that've been left so far as a taster:

Clint keeps trying to retire. Keyword? Trying.

Winter Holiday Traditions (Christmas, New Year's, etc)

Natasha and Clint during the Blip. Does Clint come back to Nat? Does she reach out to him earlier?

Exes to Lovers

Kate Bishop’s Official Guide to Helping Your Mentor Finally Realize He’s In Love with his Partner

 Any alternate universe or combination of AUs! 

The Red Room (threatens/captures/tortures) Clint to manipulate Natasha (it doesn't have to work :)

One time at a party I kissed someone's girlfriend and to make sure he wasn't mad about it I just kissed him too. I blacked out and woke up to a group text with both of them.

When the Soul Stone is returned, Natasha comes back to life, fights her way back from Vormir, and lands up on Clint's doorstep, needing help to cope/readjust/find herself again.

The barton family farm is a flower farm and Nat owns a flower shop.

Extended family

Opposite sides, but working together (preSHIELD, Civil War, non canon, etc.)

Someone is having a bad time, because a lot of things have been piling up and they just can't catch a break. (Writer's choice! But some suggestions are: work, seasonal depression, holiday planning, pressure to attend holiday events, bad guys that just won't quit.) Their partner / partners / group of friends do their best to help make things better.

Everyone loves strength, but can you love me for my weaknesses?

Coffee . . . all the coffee

[poisonheadcrabsalesman]

Request from @bloodgulchblog: first time palmer or lasky figures out roland is flirting with them dealer's choice. Thank you for the prompt!

Roland enters service December 5, 2557 and then sometime circa February 18th, 2558 during a live mission with Fireteam Crimson present and engaging with Promethean forces, Roland says to Miller after Miller attempts to shoo him away: "I can do a million things at once, like can talk to Captain Lasky, I can flirt with Captain-" from Spartan Miller E5.01 of SpOps. He is 2.5 months old and saying this. In front of at least 5 Spartans.

Halo doesn't give us any vetting process or inside look into how AI are chosen or when they come off the shelf vs go into active service.

-

Leading a campaign is stressful. Lasky had done it before, in all but name, as the XO behind Del Rio. He's the reason the UNSC Infinity was still afloat, not that he wants to take credit for helping the Master Chief stop the Didact. There's more important things he's dealing with, and getting more attention from the upper Brass doesn't seem like a good career move or life choice at the moment.

Returning to the Forerunner planet Requiem means balancing a million details all key to their victory. Olds hands returning do help, but there's a lot of new blood in the crew as well. Including the ship AI.

As captain, Lasky had been included in the vetting process. Roland was chosen because he was the best fit. Part of the newest generation of Smart AI, with a personality fit for managing not only the enormous and diverse needs of the crew, but also the retrofitted colony ship with Forerunner engines and more armament than the navy had ships welded to her.

Suffice it to say that Lasky had a lot on his plate, and maybe didn't pay the closest attention to Roland's tone. Or the little winks and knowing nods thrown at Lasky before he blipped away. Or how he motherhenned Lasky more than Aine ever did. It was just differences in personality between AI. Captain's duties took precedent over lilting tones and pointed questions and an avatar lingering in his presence at the end of the day.

Aine never said "sir" with so much weight. She wasn't so free with compliments towards him and didn't linger for him specifically. Aine enjoyed her time on the Infinity, the care in its construction, and her crew. Roland's focus was different, and something Tom might not want to label without a second opinion. Not that he was going to talk to Sarah about it… He could already see her face, eyebrow raised, as he'd try to connect two points in front of her.

The second Requiem campaign ends, badly, but with them alive and not in the heart of a star. Lasky exhales. Sarah's mad about his contingency with Majestic and Halsey getting away, but she's coming with him to face the admirals together. Not that they have much choice, but they've already gotten their story straight. Their friendship would heal. Tom fixes his uniform in the mirror and swallows. Going planet-side for an official debriefing felt more like marching to meet his executioner. At least Hood liked him.

"Captain, your chariot awaits in hangar 11." Roland announces with a flourish.

Tom nods and thanks him with a smile that doesn't reach his eyes. He's not really in the mood for levity right now.

"If I may be so bold, sir." But when has that ever stopped Roland?

"When have you not?" Tom says, smoothing down his cuffs again.

"You're worrying too much. The reports are in, the commander is going with you, your pelican is fueled and waiting. It's all going to go smoothly. You'll be fine, you're very likable, sir. I like you!"

"I noticed." Tom says with a smile aimed at Roland's camera. "You were laying it on kind of thick there."

The look on his avatar's face is enough of a prize, but then Roland starts backpedaling. That's something Tom's never seen him do before.

"Well, of course, sir. I mean, you are my captain. The captain. Of the ship- that I run, mostly."

"Of course." Lasky says, turning for the door. "We can discuss it when I return. I leave the ship in your capable hands." He smiles, wry and teasing.

Roland snaps a salute with smothered smile. If Lasky's mouth does anything funny, no one sees as he's schooled his expression by the time he hits the hangar.

[not-so-mundane-after-all]

Okay it happened. My first time writing for Agents of Shield. My heart and mind are taken over by Coulson and Daisy and well, girl gotta do what she gotta do and ✨process✨ those feelings. Full thing under the cut because I accidentally hit over 2k with this thing and who knows, maybe it'll end up on AO3 as well! For now I'm just testing waters.

@skoulsons @outer-edges I hope you'll enjoy this little tearjerker.

"There's no S.H.I.E.L.D. without you."

Maybe. But to him, there's no S.H.I.E.L.D. without her. He's the past, but she's the future; she's the one who will bring this pile of ashes back to life, who will lead with her giant heart and a brilliant mind and create something extraordinary. She's the legacy he couldn't be more proud to leave behind.

"There's nothing without you," Daisy sobs as she breaks down in front of him, and Phil's heart shatters to pieces in his chest like she just hit it with her powers. He answers its call, its desperate plea to bring her closer, and he pulls her in, a soft come here on his lips as he gathers Daisy in his arms and lets her fall apart against him.

Her tears soak into the collar of his jacket. She's shaking, wrecked by sobs she can no longer hold back. He brings a hand up to cup the back of her head, and he closes his eyes at the softness of her long, brown waves under his calloused fingertips, letting it overcome him.

Holding her had always been quite a difficult task for him because, once he had her in his arms, he never wanted to let go. But he had to. Because duty called, because he was needed elsewhere, because she had to go. There was always something that forced them to pull apart, always something that had him stepping away and releasing her, always something that made him let go.

Now he's dying. He could be gone in an hour, a day, a week.

This time, he's not letting her go.

She seems so small in his arms. This force of a woman, powerful, brave, and fierce, now a sobbing little girl who wants to hide in his embrace and never leave. Phil feels a lump form in his throat as he thinks of a time when she really was little, when she had no one to hold her and dry her tears, when she had no one to go to. It only makes him hold her tighter and squeeze her against him so hard that he could crush bones if his body wasn't too weak for it.

If only he had known back then. If only he had found her sooner. How many nights did he spend thinking about this? How long had he sat by her bedside after she'd been shot, going over all the what-ifs in his head? For how long had he held her hand against his lips, staring at her pale face, wondering what it would've been like if he had the chance to raise her?

Four years together doesn't feel like enough all of a sudden. He's one foot in the grave; he accepted his fate and made peace with it, but if there's one thing he regrets, it's not having more time with her. If he had found her sooner, they would've had a whole life together; he would've watched her grow up, graduate from the academy, he would've been privileged to see the road she's been on to become who she is now from beginning to end. Instead, he's only a blip in time, there one second and gone the next.

He won't see her restore S.H.I.E.L.D. to its former glory. He won't see her reach the full scope of her gift. He won't be there to watch her finally find the love and happiness she deserves, won't walk her down the aisle like he secretly dreamed he would one day. He won't hear the laughter of her children as they run into his arms with her smile on their faces and call him 'grandpa'.

He wanted that. More than anything, he wanted that.

And now…

Here she is. The daughter he never had but had always wanted. Breaking apart in his arms because soon he'll be gone and there's nothing she can do to stop it. She will try; he has no doubt about that. He can give all the orders he wants, but Daisy will move heaven and earth to keep him alive. It's a futile task, really, but he'd be lying if he said he wouldn't do the same thing if the roles were reversed. He had done the same thing, and they had only known each other for a few weeks at the time.

He already loved her even then. A few short weeks, and she was already everything to him.

A violent sob shakes her frame and makes Daisy cling to him tighter. His jacket strains against his back when she grabs fistfuls of it and trembles, her breath hitching in her throat. This time, when he squeezes his eyes shut, a single tear rolls down Phil’s cheek.

"Daisy..." His voice is breaking.

"No, I can't, I can't..." She shakes her head and chokes on a sob that turns into a wail, muffled only by his shoulder. It's like a knife plunged into his heart and twisted around.

"Shh, shh… It's okay," he whispers into her hair, even though the words taste like ash on his tongue. He's leaving her, it's not going to be okay. Not for a while. She will grieve, she will hurt, she'll need time and space. There will be a hole in her heart that nothing will ever fill again. He knows because the same hole opened in his chest when he held her lifeless body in his arms, blood oozing from two gunshot wounds in her stomach staining his hands red. It was stitched together and closed, but the fear of it reopening again remained, making itself known every time he watched her head out for another mission.

"Daisy," he tries again, Skye at the tip of his tongue. It's the name she had given herself — the name of someone who didn't know her story. Everybody laughed at him for having a hard time getting used to the change in the beginning, but Phil couldn't help it when the name alone made his heart beat louder. Her true name has the same effect on him these days; it pumps life into his veins whenever he says it, and if only that were enough to keep him alive, he'd take it.

Daisy burrows deeper into his shoulder.

"Please don't," she weeps. "Don't tell me it's okay. I can't– I can't do this. I can't lose you."

His hands automatically move to cup her cheeks as he pulls away. When her eyes find his, they are bloodshot and brimming with tears; he makes no attempt to conceal his own. They are both barely holding themselves together, but they need this. Daisy needs this to survive after he is gone.

"Listen to me," Phil pleads, leaning in close. "I might be gone, but I will never leave you, okay? I'll be here," He taps her temple with his finger, then presses his palm right above her heart, "and here."

Tears roll down his face now, and his voice cracks and trembles, but the smile on his face couldn't be brighter. "I don't know if there's Heaven or anything else waiting for me. I didn't stay long enough last time to find out. But whatever happens, I'll be watching over you, Daisy. I promise."

That's the one thing he's absolutely sure of. No matter what the other side holds for him, he is not leaving her side. His teachings, his guidance, his care, it will all help her carry on through life. She'll find him in herself but also in others — a whole bunch of people who love her just as much as he does and will be there for her every step of the way. He might be leaving her, but he's not leaving her alone.

Her hand lands on his over her heart, and holds on tight. It's warm, soft, and so gentle, despite holding the power to crack the world apart. Her eyes stay locked on his own, deep brown wells of pain and sorrow and for a long moment she stays quiet, only looking into his eyes.

"Dad," Daisy sobs out, and Phil feels all the air leave his lungs in one sweep. "Dad, please…"

"Oh, baby girl."

Before the impact of these words can knock him to the floor, Phil crushes her back to him, and he holds her closer than ever before, tighter than his body has the strength for. His back hits the wall with a soft thud as he presses a kiss to her temple and begins sobbing into her hair. Daisy collapses against him, nestling into the crook of his neck, and they both slide down to the chilly concrete floor.

He's not sure how long they sit there. Could be minutes, could be hours. Daisy is curled up across his lap, leaning sideways against him with her head pillowed on his shoulder. Phil rocks her slowly, like a child who wakes up after a nightmare and needs comfort. He wishes it was only that — a bad dream he can chase away, kiss her forehead and dry her tears, then put her back to bed with the promise that no monster can get to her. He holds her, both arms encasing her and keeping her close to his chest, where her palm rests, feeling for the drum of his faint heartbeat through his shirt.

Phil rests his cheek against Daisy’s hair with a sigh. If only it didn’t have to hurt so much. If only there was a way for him to go without leaving her in so much pain.

Her sobs die down after a while, and when they do, she just stays there, limp against him, forcing herself to breathe. She's exhausted, he can tell, and if he wasn't still feeling so weak after fainting earlier, he would've picked her up and carried her to bed. All he can do instead is tuck her closer and let her rest for as long as she needs, right where they are. Wait until she's able to stand back on her feet and walk back to the base with her head held high.

Because she will. And she will let Hell break loose to save him. There will be nothing he can do to stop her.

"I am not giving up on you," Daisy says into the empty space around them, as if reading his mind. Her rough voice scratches against the walls of her throat.

Phil closes his eyes. "I know."

She lifts her head and looks at him. There's fire in her gaze that knows no objection, a determination as strong as her powers are. She's taking her grief, and instead of letting it break her, she's using it to fuel herself.

"Please, don't make me give up on you."

And what can he possibly say to that? He won't convince her. He won't change her mind, just like she won't change his. Daisy has always been stubborn, but so has he, and over time, Phil came to terms with the fact that he might have accidentally bestowed even more of that stubbornness on her.

He smiles, stroking her cheek instead of saying anything, and the way Daisy leans into his touch with a sigh melts him. It's a rare occurrence when they get to be like this, when they allow themselves to be this close and open with each other, and he doesn't take a single second of that for granted. Only wishes it was happening under better circumstances.

"You're good?" He asks, ducking his head to catch her eyes.

Daisy wipes her face with the sleeve of her shirt and nods. "Yeah, I'll be fine."

They both know she won't be, not for a long time. But for now, it's enough. He's not gone yet. They still have time. They still have work to do.

Phil lifts her to her feet, and the two of them take a deep breath, trying not to think about how much of a mess they are. He hasn't let go of her yet, and now Daisy is staring down at their joined hands, her face obscured by a curtain of hair. Her chin wobbles, but Phil is fast; he reaches out and tilts it up, making her look at him.

"You'll be okay," he tells her.

Fresh tears glisten in her eyes.

"How do you know?"

He catches one drop with his thumb.

"Because I know my little girl."

Her smile is everything to him. It's sad and a little shy, her cheeks blush when she drops her head to try and hide it, but it still lights up his chest like fireworks on the Fourth of July. He'll hold onto that smile for as long as he can.

When he wraps his arm around her shoulders and pulls her to his side, the rest of Daisy's tears are gone. She rests her head on his shoulder, lets him kiss her hair one more time, and as they head back to the others, they both feel somewhat lighter. A lot will change in the next few days; the weight of the world is still on their shoulders, but as long as he's here, Phil can make sure Daisy won't crumble under it.

After all, she's humanity’s shield. And her father's daughter.

[storiesbyjes2g]

3.109 My place in this world

Mama called and invited us over for dinner that night, so Sophia and I discussed whether we would share our news when she inevitably asked us about her grandchildren. We knew she could handle it, and would offer to help any way she could, but we decided to keep it to ourselves for the moment. I didn't enjoy keeping secrets from my mother, but letting the world in felt like defeat at this stage. Sophia had only just begun the treatments. She could be pregnant by tomorrow. It wasn't time to worry everyone, especially when they weren't suspicious yet.

But to both of our surprise, we got through the entire evening without one question or comment about babies. Not even Alessia, who was even nosier, said anything. Without a story to fabricate, we ate in a semblance of peace with our secret between us, hoping one day this would be a distant memory added as a footnote in our story.

Back at home, I caught Sophia sneaking out of the bathroom as I headed for bed. She froze like she got caught stealing when she spotted me, but then the disappointed took over. I sighed, not because I knew what she did in there, but because of her tenacity. I loved how she wouldn't give up despite how much it hurt. But I didn't want her to end every day disappointed if these treatments didn't work, so I grabbed her by the hand and led her into our room.

"It's okay, you know. Maybe it takes a while for it to take effect."

"Or maybe it won't work for me."

"Don't say that. It'll work. And even if it doesn't, it's not the end. We'll just move on to the next thing. Regardless of how it happens, very soon, we'll have our baby, and we'll be in our new house, and everything will be great."

She sighed, nodding in agreement, but I could tell she struggled to believe.

"Is it bad that I hope we don't have to adopt? Does that make me like my parents?"

"Not at all. I think everyone prefers their own blood. It's natural."

"It's just that... You have all these beautiful family ties. There's only me. I don't want my existence to be just a blip on the radar, here one day and gone the next, forgotten and unimportant. I want to leave a piece of me behind so my life matters!"

I couldn't hold it together anymore. The dam broke, and tears flooded my face. I hated how much those idiots who birthed and raised her affected her life. She arguably was the best sim to ever walk the earth; The star in my sky; The light in my darkness; The gummy bear in my pancakes! No one else mattered to me quite like she did.

"Sophia, you do matter! You matter to me! You matter to this family! My life has been a thousand times better because you're in it! And when we're finally able to hold our child, whether it's ours or not, you'll matter to him too! Her. Whoever! You're gonna love the hell out of them, and they'll think you're the best sim on earth. Right?"

She nodded through her tears.

"Yes. I love it so much already! I haven't even met it yet."

"Exactly. Don't worry. It'll happen."

[pyropsychiccollector]

Shuichi Harem: Saihara Detective Agency, 2/5

Previous post. I'll do my best to link these together for those who want to see them all. We've got a lot to get through~

Also? Because I'm linking the posts, I'll be doing a lot less review of the general history of the encompassing AU. I wound up repeating myself a lot in the Fate harem posts a while back, and I'm going to cut back on that problem as much as possible. (人◕ω◕) I will reference non-canon events sometimes, and it'll be up to you readers to either roll with it or go back and read the previous post. I've connected V3 with the rest of the Hope's Peak saga and revolutionized the "fiction" bits to fit a more grounded narrative that doesn't seek to toss everything (everything) in Danganronpa out with the bathwater. This is my choice, so happy reading. All haters that don't have legit criticisms will be muted. (人◕ω◕)

The Beginning

Maki Harukawa... Here's what you need to know. In this AU, her past is near identical to canon. She had a friend at the orphanage she wanted to protect, so Maki joined a cult - or rather, their mercenary corps - to keep them from recruiting her friend who seemed to have a lot more innate potential for the craft. Maki still did a ton of work as an assassin as a child, and her friend still died while she was away from the orphanage. Consequentially, Maki closed herself off from others and committed to assassin work full-time to numb the pain of her loss.

Eventually, she made a big enough blip on Hope's Peak's radar. More specifically, the Steering Committee caught wind of her ruthlessness and efficiency, and felt it was worth studying her and offered her shelter from the cult that controlled her life. Maki wasn't an idiot, she knew that she was exchanging a much smaller fish for a freaking killer whale when it came to the cult vs the Steering Committee of Hope's Peak, yet she was still sore about her friend's death and the pointlessness of going along with the cult...

So Maki jumped ship and let the Steering Committee bury the cult with their nigh well unlimited resources. She wasn't fool enough to think they were on her side, to assume that they didn't have means of reining her in or erasing her should she step out of line. But she did have a lot more freedom than before, and they funneled a ton of new, more high profile work her way. For her, it was just the next stage of evolution of her screwed up life. She never had true choices, demented adults dictated what she was to do and Maki carried out her duties whether she liked it or not.

Her cover story, if Kizakura or the Headmaster or anyone was truly pushy about knowing what she did for a living, Maki (as well as her public file) was to tell them she was the Ultimate Child Caregiver, and not the Ultimate Assassin. Her talent worked along similar lines as the Ultimate Imposter in that she wasn't supposed to advertise what she was; if she was truly the best assassin, Maki could get by with a lame-ass cover story that probably no one believed. (人◕ω◕) Maki just channeled her experiences from the orphanage to come up with stories of her 'raising kids', and that seemed to satisfy most people that asked.

Although to be fair, she never spent much time at Hope's Peak, as Class 79 was only there a few precious months before the Tragedy unfolded and they were whisked away by a separate Mastermind. While at Hope's Peak, Maki kept to herself and stonewalled her classmates. Work was more preferable, even if all the constant killing numbed her to the bone and gave her plenty of nightmares. (人◕ω◕)

This isn't to say Maki never associated with her classmates. She just didn't truly bond with them. Not in these few months. The ones she talked to the most were the nosy Kaede and Kaito... and she kept an eye on their resident luckster, who appeared to have a history of working in a private detective's firm. His Uncle's. Though Shuichi seemed to swear off detective work... up until that pianist ninny dragged one of their senpai over, and eventually got Shuichi to tagalong as a poor excuse of a sidekick. (人◕ω◕) Yeah, Maki didn't have a high opinion of Shuichi with how wishy-washy he was. And Shuichi didn't know what to make of Maki, with how closed off she was.

Their beginnings were not rosy. But it's just the hand they were dealt~ Maki is an assassin. Shuichi a wannabe detective. They were destined to be at odds, at least at first. (人◕ω◕)

... Oh, and just so we're perfectly clear? Yes, Kokichi approached Maki Roll during these first few months. He was the worst to deal with because it's like he figured out her 'game' from Day 1. (人◕ω◕) And despite knowing what she did, Kokichi just kept pushing her buttons. The fact the gremlin gravitated to Shuichi as a "bestie" only made Maki avoid Shuichi more, back at Hope's Peak. She came close to pounding the grape gremlin more than a few times... But she always held herself back because one of the Steering Committee's rules was to not touch fellow Ultimate students; they needed them in mint condition for research purposes. (人◕ω◕)(人◕ω◕)(人◕ω◕)

The Hazy Middle

Suffice to say, when it rains, it pours. (人◕ω◕) Class 79 was kidnapped during the Tragedy, and they were presumed dead as their bodies were never found. The truth is much more disturbing: They were whisked away to a remote location for a different sort of... research. But not one of them was aware they were under a theoretical microscope. What they did know is that they were trapped in a "Killing Game", and to escape they needed to kill a classmate and fool everyone else. A game Maki might've played if she didn't have experience dealing with shady entities and knowing they couldn't be trusted for shit. (人◕ω◕)

... But as obstinate as she was in the beginning, keeping to herself and refusing to get attached, eventually the Mastermind(s) found ways to push her buttons. (人◕ω◕)(人◕ω◕)(人◕ω◕) The first round Maki avoided becoming a "killer", but in subsequent loops...? You better believe she was pressured just like everyone else.

Yes, they were trapped in a Killing Game "loop". Their memories always wiped (repressed) or adjusted so they only retained certain ones. Sometimes false memories were even manufactured so they could be used later; Class 79 were put through theater/TV productions to make them believe the memories they were acting out (unknowingly) were real. So seeing a "city" in ruins, they believed it to be Tokyo. Rifling through those ruins for supplies and shelter. And so on and so forth. (人◕ω◕) Each loop was unique, and sometimes they were given false names and talents to see what would happen. Maki was generally kept an assassin in the shadows, waiting to strike when she was pushed too far.

But like the Hope's Peak and Jabberwock Killing Games, life is never so simple. Even in these scripted loops. (人◕ω◕) Maki was never a thorough, dyed-in-the-wool blackheart. She never pretended to be an idealist or a sap like Kaito or Kaede. However, deep down she possessed some scruples. Maki was more of a gray character. An antihero if it came down to it. When she didn't succumb to motives or manipulations, Maki was dragged into bonding with Kaito, and subsequently Kaede and Shuichi who were joined at the hip with the idiot.

They weren't always all alive each loop. Whether the "survivors" took down the "Mastermind" or not, it was more normal for one or two of them to die by the end of each loop. Still, regardless of which varied combination, these three became Maki's anchors to morality and humanity. Kaito appeared to be her favorite for several loops… And even up to the most recent loop, Kaito seems to know from instincts how to reach out to her; it takes persistence and showing her your heart. (人◕ω◕) Maki might still treat you like a nuisance, might begrudge you every inch of your effort, but eventually you'll wear her down if you squint. She's not the most open person. Maki doesn't like mushy crap (at least she won't ADMIT anything).

… But as special as Kaito was, after a while Maki began avoiding him on instinct. Not out of spite or hatred of him, but deep down her subconscious remembered losing him more than once, and she rightly or wrongly came to associate those miserable feelings with "I'm cursed because of my past and bloodied hands, I can't risk Kaito dying because of me." These loops have made all of Class 79 a hot mess, and they keep acting on impulses and instincts they don't understand at all because their memories keep getting repressed each loop. (人◕ω◕) It makes the study of Class 79… fascinating~

So what happens? Well, we get a case of Maki stuck at a crossroads. Sometimes the darkness consumes her because she isolates herself so completely. Other times she "remembers" she has friends (unconsciously) and she becomes a risky yet dependable ally if the chips fall just right. (人◕ω◕) And who do we have to thank for Maki's…growth? Surprisingly it's not the sappy sacks, Kaede and Kaito. Those two don't give up, and they did wonders in getting her to open up… But Maki is NOT a ball of sunshine. As nice as it can be to indulge in their "never say die" attitudes sometimes, you know it's not good to stare into the sun too long, right? (人◕ω◕)

This…is where Shuichi comes in. He's as much a "prisoner" as she is with those blowhards, even if it's annoying to deal with his lack of self-esteem. (人◕ω◕) Shuichi is more grounded… And despite becoming an artificial "Ultimately Detective" throughout the loops, he really sucks at doubting others in the beginning. It leads Maki to watch out for him and teach him that some people just aren't worth believing in. She's a heavy pessimist, and thinks the two of them will inevitably be at odds because of her real identity. Yet she's proven wrong time and again as Shuichi puts in the effort to reach out to her even after she's exposed as an assassin throughout the loops. They keep having this conversation where Maki argues assassins exist in part because of detectives, and Shuichi keeps arguing back he'll work towards a world where Maki can live the way she wants to. Where assassins won't be "needed". (人◕ω◕) Maki has no reason to believe he'll pull it off. He sounds as idealistic as the space idiot… Yet some part of her deep down WANTS to see what this shoddy excuse of a detective manages to do. It's irrational. But she can be perfectly candid and transparent with Shuichi and not get bombarded with cheesy hugs or empty reassurances that everything will be okay. Shuichi is trying to end these Killing Games and find the Mastermind, and sure he's not the most awe-inspiring guy that ever existed. But it means a lot that he listens and tries playing devil's advocate. He does get caught up in Kaede and Kaito's optimism, but Shuichi isn't a total suckup that just goes along with all their whims. He does try being the detective they all sorely need. (人◕ω◕)

… Now, Kokichi gravitating to Shuichi all the damn time… It gets on Maki's nerves and she despises the troll. She can't figure the little shit out, and a large part of that is his friendship with Shuichi is GENUINE despite how much he messes around. (人◕ω◕) Maki doubles down on watching out for Shuichi because of that turd.

Romance between them is slow, and doesn't happen often. It usually takes specific conditions, like Kaede or Kaito dying. But it's not just a consoling type of relationship, they've been building up to this whether they knew it or not. Maki isn't overly sappy or shameless like those other hussies, but she does get…jealous. (人◕ω◕) She's affectionate with Shuichi in her own unique way, and she appreciates the reciprocation even if his confidence could use a damn overhaul. Has several girls hanging off him, and he thinks he has nothing to offer? For a detective he sure misses the small stuff. (人◕ω◕) Like that it shouldn't matter what HE thinks of himself. That's not how attraction works. If he WAS vain or self-absorbed, Maki would probably throttle him and not talk with him nearly as much. (人◕ω◕) If he could just have SOME self-love, that'd tie it all up with a nice little bow. But oh well, fixing that stuff is on Kaede or Tenko. Maki's here to temper his detective work and salvage her own soul somewhat. Don't you judge her. (人◕ω◕)

The Ending... or a new Beginning...?

Eventually the loops will end. Class 79 survivors will enter a period of collective comas because their minds can only handle so much. (人◕ω◕) But the comas won't be forever. And their repressed memories will return to them over the coming months and years. It's gonna take a lot of counseling and rehab to come to grips with the past five years.

Maki…is left not knowing what to do. For the first time in her life, a blank canvas of her future lies before her, and she doesn't have the first idea what to commit to paper. The cult is gone. The Steering Committee is gone. The whole underworld is in chaos and getting reshaped to fit the new post-apocalyptic world. If she goes back to assassin work, she's basically continuing Ultimate Despair's agenda, and that's a whole new level of darkness she isn't completely sure she wants any part in. (人◕ω◕) For better or worse, she missed out on the Tragedy because she was trapped with her class. She knows criminal elements will continue existing. But now she's being given an out - a completely blank slate. If she chooses to go back to what she's always known, that's suddenly on her. No messed up adults forcing her to obey them. (人◕ω◕)

… So Maki drifts to Shuichi's humble new agency he opens up. Shuichi would benefit from someone that's had experience on the other side of the fence of the law, and has her ear to the pavement on sheer instinct, listening to the underworld rumblings. Despite Kirumi being cagey about Maki showing up out of the blue, Shuichi trusts her. Maki's the second one to show up and offer to lend a hand… Well, maybe third, if you counted Kokichi…? But regardless, Maki's experience and knowledge is invaluable to his mission of creating a better world, one step at a time. (人◕ω◕) Maki still thinks he's shooting for the moon, he's still several steps behind criminal elements. That's just how it is for detectives.

Yet working with Shuichi isn't a strain, isn't like a boulder tied around her neck. It's her choice and she's making something of her life. Finally. (人◕ω◕)

Kaede, Miu, and Tenko are exhausting to deal with, but the biggest headache for Maki is Kirumi who makes her jump through so many hoops to just be around Shuichi. (人◕ω◕)(人◕ω◕)(人◕ω◕) And if anything, the distrust is mutual because Maki remembers some loops where Kirumi became a "killer", too… Of course Kirumi is quick to point out SHE has never killed anyone for real. Maki HAS. (人◕ω◕) Not that that's a comfort to Maki after the maid tried covering up her crimes in the loops… She's not paragon of virtue and justice either. (人◕ω◕)(人◕ω◕)(人◕ω◕)(人◕ω◕)(人◕ω◕)

But such is life~… Whether they like it or not, these five all love Shuichi, and Shuichi loves them all. If you think it's spicy while they're all dating Shuichi, just want until marriage. … And parenthood. (人◕ω◕)/

Previous post: https://www.tumblr.com/pyropsychiccollector/743632006552993792/shuichi-harem-saihara-detective-agency-15?source=share

[pom-seedss]

Okay. So.

I am 99.999~% sure it is my neck. Whether it is a weird nerve pinch or a blood vessel or what idk, but after more testing of various things at home it is almost certainly the culprit for the temperature disregulation. TL;DR at the end.

I finally got my doctor's office to take it seriously by writing a letter mentioning that I have at many points wanted to die and did not want to get *actively* suicidal again after over five years without having been actively suicidal. Since it it in writing that their patient was potentially going to become suicidal about them not doing anything.... they decided it was appropriate to actually do something. What I found out is despite my doctor's office being a multi-doctor clinic who supposedly works together, my primary doctor didn't even confer with her colleagues about the situation before going with the "I can't think of anything" and leaving it with me.

Because the on-call doctor decided to actually *listen* to what I was saying and is sending me for a neck xray with possibility of going for further testing (ex: MRI) if things turn out normal there. He is also sending me for some endocrine testing, cortisol testing and some kind of 24 our urine analysis test as a just in case it's these weird things measure. He literally just took the few things that were on the top of his head from maybe 20 minutes looking in to my situation, so I am still pretty mad at my primary doctor for the negligent attitude she'd taken towards this.

And yes, they are probably only acting to cover their asses because I mentioned not wanting to be actively suicidal about all of this again. But that wasn't an idle threat, I was starting to teeter towards that feeling and even Bean was worried and if there was literally no end to this we actually discussed MAiD at one point - not as an immediate thing, but as a vague possibility because of how fucking awful it was and the prospect of living with that forever was *that* fucking daunting.

My doctor was trying to pass it off as 'a weird stress response' despite the only major stressor in my life at that point being...the hot cold bullshit itself. And yes, stress made it worse, but that's true of *any* condition under the sun.

I finally got to go back in to my old chiropractor of 12+ years who knows how to take care of my body and almost instantly she made me go from feral gremlin with a boiling head to human being again. It just sucks because it is taxing on my body to travel 1.5hrs to get that treatment.

Granted, one appointment isn't going to solve this problem and what I really need is long-term stability, which is what I am going to go back to physiotherapy for as soon as I am cleared by my gallbladder surgeon to be able to do more active things.

Along with going back to massage therapy, whenever I can actually book that *rolls eyes at everyone under the sun having no availability*, I hope that I can get this at least under control. TL;DR 1. Doctor's office finally decided to check some basic things out, like a neck xray, after I mentioned I was on the edge of becoming suicidal about being left to my own devices about this. 2. It is almost certainly my neck causing the issue. 3. I am trying to get back in to regular treatment in various places to help heal and stabilize the neck. 4. I am not well yet, the worst of it can come back at any time, but I am more hopeful for the future. Holy fuck this has been scary and exhausting and it will take awhile for me to be okay with things but damn.... it's...something. Maybe this will just be a very bad blip in my life after all.