#that the universe tried to stop this from existing >:| I did not spend hours going ‘is this how it would draw hands’ and cursing myself for

[dreamyprinx]

I bring to you, actual art but it’s me trying to replicate my friend @spaceshmuck’s art style

✧ reblogs are appreciated ✧ | ♡ buy me a kofi ♡ | ☾ commission info ☽

[hurtblossom]

Jealous ln4

Pairing : Lando Norris x ex!Driver!Reader (Female)

Summary : She's jealous of the way hes happy without her. Or she thinks he is...

Warnings : angst, saddness, tears, terrible english, did i mention angst?

Masterlist

Labyrinth Jealous

The paddock was buzzing with the usual pre-race excitement, but I could barely focus on the chatter around me. My heart was somewhere else, trapped in the past where Lando and I used to be. We had shared so much in such a short amount of time, and yet here I was, watching everything crumble before me.

"I just can't do this anymore, Y/N," Lando had said, his voice breaking as he looked anywhere but at me. We were in his apartment, the place that had been our haven, now suddenly feeling cold and unfamiliar. I wanted to ask him why, to beg him to stay, but I could see it in his eyes—the decision was made. There was a finality in his tone that I had never heard before.

"What do you mean? We were fine… we were happy," I stammered, desperately searching for any sign that this wasn’t really happening. But he didn’t meet my eyes. Instead, he stared at the floor, his hands trembling as he tried to hold himself together.

"I'm jealous of the way you’re happy without me," I whispered, echoing the lyrics of the song that had been playing in the background. It felt like the universe was mocking me, as if the words were ripped straight from my heart.

But Lando didn’t hear my whisper. He just nodded, perhaps thinking I was accepting his decision. And then he left, taking with him the future I had dreamed of. The door closed behind him with a finality that echoed in the hollow silence of the room. I stood there for what felt like hours, unable to move, unable to process what had just happened. The life we had built, the love we had shared—it was all gone in an instant.

✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: * :･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧

I hadn’t seen Lando since that day. Our teams kept us busy, and I buried myself in work, trying to forget him. But every time I saw him on TV, or heard his name in the paddock, my heart ached. The pain was a constant, dull throb that refused to go away.

When I was around others, I wore a mask—smiling, laughing, pretending that everything was fine. But inside, I was broken. The nights were the worst. Lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, I was haunted by memories of us. His smile, his laugh, the way he used to look at me like I was the only person in the world.

We met again at the FIA Awards Gala. I was there to celebrate my first season as a Formula 1 driver, but all I could think about was him. I spotted him across the room, laughing with our mutual friends, looking as happy as ever. My chest tightened.

"I'm jealous of the nights that I don't spend with you," I thought to myself, the lyrics looping in my mind. I wanted to be the one making him laugh, the one he looked at with those bright eyes.

I tried to focus on the celebration, on the people congratulating me, but my eyes kept drifting back to him. He looked so carefree, so at ease, like he had moved on without a second thought. And when our eyes finally met, it was like time stopped. I forced a smile, but he quickly looked away, turning his attention back to the group around him. It was like I didn’t exist.

The rest of the night was a blur. I mingled with the crowd, nodded at the right moments, and even laughed when expected, but my mind was elsewhere. I couldn’t shake the image of him smiling, the way he seemed so happy without me. It tore me apart.

✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: * :･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧

The final race of the season, and I was more focused than ever. Racing was my escape, my way of channeling all the pain. But as fate would have it, Lando and I were once again side by side on the grid.

As the lights went out, I pushed all thoughts of him aside and focused on the track. But even as I raced, weaving through the turns, I couldn’t help but think of him.

"I'm jealous of the love that wasn't here," I sang softly in my helmet during a quiet moment on the straight. Our relationship had been perfect, or so I thought. But now, all that was left was this hollow feeling, the lingering question of what went wrong.

We had started out as friends, both young and eager, navigating the pressures of Formula 1 together. Over time, that friendship had blossomed into something more. I had fallen for him so hard, so fast. And I thought he had fallen for me too. We had shared everything—our hopes, our dreams, our fears. But now, as I raced, all I could think about was how it had all been an illusion.

We both finished the race in the points, and as I pulled into the pit lane, I saw him a few cars down. He was smiling, celebrating with his team. I wanted to walk over, to congratulate him, to tell him how proud I was, but I stopped myself. What was the point? He didn’t need me. He didn’t want me. Instead, I pulled off my helmet and looked away, pretending to be caught up in my own debrief.

But as the adrenaline of the race faded, the reality of my situation hit me like a ton of bricks. Lando was happy. He was thriving, and I was just a distant memory. The pain was unbearable, but I swallowed it down, plastering a fake smile on my face as I went through the motions.

✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: * :･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧

The end-of-season break came, and with it, the unexpected. We were both attending a charity event, and this time, there was no avoiding him. The tension between us had been growing, but neither of us had made the first move to talk about it. Until now.

He approached me when I was alone, sitting by the garden at the back of the event. The night was cool, the air crisp with the promise of winter. I had been staring at the stars, lost in thought, when I heard his voice.

"Y/N," he started, his voice soft, almost hesitant.

"Lando," I replied, trying to keep my tone neutral, even though my heart was racing. I didn’t want to show him how much I was still hurting, how much I still cared.

He sat down next to me, leaving a small gap between us. "I’ve been thinking about us," he admitted after a long silence. "I didn’t handle things well."

"I’m jealous of the way you’re moving on," I found myself saying, the words slipping out before I could stop them. I hadn’t planned on being so vulnerable, but there it was. The truth.

He looked at me, his eyes full of something I hadn’t expected—indifference. "Y/N… I need to tell you something."

My heart sank as I watched him struggle to find the right words. "What is it?"

"I’ve met someone," he finally said, his voice barely above a whisper. "Her name is Magui."

The world around me seemed to tilt, and for a moment, I thought I might be sick. "Magui?" I repeated, as if saying her name would make this nightmare real.

He nodded, unable to meet my eyes. "She’s… we’re together now."

"I'm jealous of the way you're happier," I thought, the lyrics stabbing through my heart like a knife. I had held on to hope, believing that we could somehow find our way back to each other. But that hope was gone now, shattered into a million pieces.

I forced myself to nod, to keep my composure. "I see. Well… I hope you’re happy, Lando."

He finally looked at me, and there was a hint of sadness in his eyes, but it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t enough to heal the wound he had just inflicted. "I am," he said, and those two words broke me in a way I never thought possible.

We sat in silence for a moment, the weight of his confession hanging heavy in the air. I wanted to scream, to cry, to beg him to take it all back. But I knew it wouldn’t change anything. He had moved on. And I had to live with that.

"I’m glad you found someone," I managed to say, my voice trembling despite my best efforts to stay strong. "I really am."

"Y/N, I—" he started, but I cut him off.

"Please, don’t," I said, standing up and taking a step back. "I need to go."

He didn’t try to stop me, and that hurt even more. As I walked away, I felt the tears streaming down my face, blurring my vision. I had lost him. Truly lost him. And there was nothing I could do to change that.

As the year came to a close, I couldn’t help but think of the lyrics that had been my constant companion throughout this rollercoaster of emotions. "I'm jealous of the way you're happy without me," I had whispered months ago, and now, here we were, with him completely moving on, leaving me behind.

As I lay in bed that night, staring at the ceiling, I let the tears fall freely. I cried for what we had lost, for the pain I had caused myself by holding on to hope, and for the love that would never be again. I cried until there were no more tears left, only an emptiness that I knew would take a long time to fill.

Lando had moved on, and now I had to find a way to do the same. But deep down, I knew that a part of me would always be jealous of the life he was living—one that didn’t include me.

And as I drifted off to sleep, the lyrics played in my mind one last time, a haunting reminder of what could never be: "I'm jealous of the way you're happier without me."

Charles version

[rachalixie]

a/n: a little thing i scrapped from a fic i'm writing for my baby star @forlix :) i love you. i choose you. <333

“lix?” you ask, tentativeness lining the single syllable like even your voice knew that what you were about to say was a little silly. “why did you choose me?”

“what do you mean?” he hums, his fingers faltering on his keyboard as he tries to split his attention between you and the colorful pixels on the screen. 

“like, why me? you could have had anyone you wanted,” you bite your tongue, not quite understanding why these words were coming out here and now. 

“what do you mean.” he repeats, more of a statement than a question now, like he can’t quite believe what he’s hearing. he turns around completely, facing you and letting his character die a tragic death on the screen behind him. “are you serious?”

“i- no?” you sigh, not quite meeting his eyes. “yes. kind of? i don’t know.”

“y/n,” he rolls his chair close to you until your knees were touching, and he takes your hands in his, stopping you from wringing your fingers together. “it wasn’t a choice, you know that right? the stars brought us together, you’re mine in every way that i am yours.”

“right but,” you start, feeling grateful when he squeezes your hands in a silent go on, i’m here to listen. “if you could make that choice. if you didn’t want what the universe chose for you. then what?”

“if it was a choice to make, i would choose you every single time,” he slides off the chair, falling to his knees in front of you. “in every universe, in every reality, in every single world that exists, i choose you. over and over.”

“yes, but why?” and that is the root of it all - it was less of a deep rooted problem of insecurity and more of a lack of understanding. 

“god, i love you,” he looks up at you, so reverent that you feel your breath catch on nothing. “you’re perfect for me. no matter how many flaws you think you have, you compliment me in every single way. i didn’t know someone like you could exist for me in this world, and if i ever lost you i’d spend the rest of my days alone because no one can compare to you.”

“you think of me like that?” you try to ignore the stinging in your eyes and the burning in your nostrils that signal that you were going to cry. you knew the answer; you felt that way about him, too.

“yes,” he says, simple and ringing with truth. “you’re my perfect little star, the one i wish on every night. i look up at the sun and i think of you simply because we live under the same one. i could go on but - do you understand, now?”

“i do,” you smile. and while looking at him, the moon that hangs bright in your night skies, you truly do understand. 

—

soft hours

[bagopucks]

J. Hughes - And The Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Date

✄————————————

Jack Hughes x Fem!reader

Word Count: 1.7k

Warning(s): Sad!Jack :(

Something small for my comeback story <3

Thank you all SO much for the love!!! Send in some requests and I’ll keep the stories coming!

—————————————

“It’s gonna be the best date you’ve ever been on!”

What a horrible promise.

First, he was late. Something about media day extending longer than he had planned. Not his fault, but it did peeve me slightly. I hated when Jack’s work kept him from our plans unexpectedly.

Then our reservations were cancelled because we were both late, but have no fear! Jack had a backup plan.

A backup plan that went south the second he realized how hard it was to schedule a good reservation on Valentine’s Day.

So we decided to get ice cream.

Then it ended up on my dress. All because Jack’s hands simply moved too much when he talked.

I missed the guilty look in his eyes when we were both frantically trying to wipe the stain out of the fabric of my skirt. I knew how hard Jack could be on himself, but he was so good at hiding it, that I sometimes forgot to check on him.

When we left the ice cream shop, it started pouring.

Jack and I didn’t have umbrellas. He offered me his suit jacket to wear as we walked to the nearest bus stop. Only to find out that the bus wouldn’t be around for another hour. So we decided to trek home.

And just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse. I was starving and drenched and down a dress. The misfortunes didn’t end.

Jack didn’t set a timer on the oven for the pizza he put in. We only noticed when we started smelling the burnt crust.

Jack looked so tense that I hadn’t even bothered following him into the kitchen. I walked down the hall to find a change of clothes, and answer a call from my friend. I put her on speaker while I took light steps.

“Hey! Happy Galentines day! I wish you could have been there tonight.”

“I know.. me too.” I smiled sadly at the thought. It was my first Valentine’s Day that I hadn’t spent with the girls. “I miss you guys so much.” I stepped into the bedroom and pushed the door shut to a crack.

“We miss you too! But I mean- I just have to know what all you got into today!”

“Oh god, honey. If only you knew.” I giggled, pulling the wet dress off and tossing it into the hamper by the bed.

“I have all the time in the world. Did you get some wake up sex? Breakfast in bed? Did he spend the whole day cuddling you and giving you all kinds of gifts?”

“Nope.” I popped the ‘p.’ Truly I didn’t mind. Jack kissed me and wished me a happy Valentine’s Day before he left for work that morning. That was good enough for me. But now I wished at least something other than our morning had gone decently.

“Please tell me you’re joking.”

“We had plans. But his stupid media day kept him late. And then we missed our date. Then I got ice cream on my dress and it poured on the walk home. And I’m starving and Jack just burned the damn pizza.” I let out a defeated sigh as I dropped onto the bed, setting my phone beside myself as I tucked my hands between my back and the mattress to unclip my bra. “This is what I get for leaving you girls.” It was meant to be a joke, but I couldn’t muster a laugh at it.

“Wow. Talk about Jack Hughes and the terrible horrible no good very bad date.”

“Exactly.” I shook my head. “Just one decent night out was all I wanted. We barely get time together any more.” I tried to keep my voice down. I wasn’t bad talking Jack in any way. I simply missed him, and the universe did everything in its power to ruin our evening.

“You guys still have the whole night.”

“A whole night where everything else could go wrong.” I stood up and crossed the floor to find a change of clothes in my dresser. “I’d rather just go to bed and forget this horrible day exists.”

“Oh come on now. Chin up. Jack still might have a couple tricks up his sleeve.” I wanted to believe that, but I knew he didn’t, because if he did, we wouldn’t have been home already. This was plan Z, and evidently, plan Z just crashed and burned like our pizza.

“Maybe.” I relented. I didn’t have the energy to argue. I pulled on an old cropped t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants.

“I’ll tell you about my day another time.”

“No, no.” I walked back toward the bed. “I wanna hear about it.”

“It’s okay, really. You and Jack should try and spend whatever time you can together. Especially after today. I promise I’ll save my stories for tomorrow.” I heard her quiet laugh over the other end of the line.

“Are you sure?”

“Just promise you’ll call me.” I sat on the bed as she spoke, letting out a sigh.

“I promise.”

“I love you, girlie!”

“I love you too.” There was a moment of silence before the line went dead. I let out a sigh and shook my head. I turned my attention to my sweats, one of my feet stuck and refusing to go through the hole in the leg. I groaned, and gave one last forceful shove before I managed to get my foot through.

What kind of sick joke was the universe playing?

“Fuck Valentine’s Day.” I mumbled, walking into the bathroom. “Such a shitty day anyway.” I turned the sink on and waited for the water to heat up, drowning out the sheepish voice of my lover in the hall calling my name. I didn’t hear him until he was halfway through the bedroom, and standing in the doorway of the bathroom.

I grabbed a towel from the cabinet.

“What’s up, Jack?” I asked, barely sparing him a glance as I held the cloth under the tap.

“Can we talk?” I heard him sniffle, and the second I looked up, I was greeted with a heart wrenching sight. I immediately turned the sink off and set the cloth down.

“What’s wrong?” I cooed, stepping forward to wrap my arms around him. In all my days, I hadn’t seen Jack cry very much.

“I ruined Valentine’s Day.” His quiet and broken voice was such a contrast from how loud and excitable he usually was.

“No you didn’t,” I reassured him, but I could already hear the quiet cries escaping his lips. “Jack.” I tried to get his attention.

“I’m sorry.” The middle Hughes had always felt like he needed to compete for his parents attention. Through no fault of Jim or Ellen, Jack had simply never felt like enough. He always idolized Quinn, and the problem with that had been that nobody can ever see themselves measuring up to their idols. He always fought for his parents love even when there was no reason to fight. And he’d isolate himself and berate himself when he’d ever done something wrong or bad. I knew he felt worthless for how badly the day had gone.

“Jack, honey, it’s okay.”

“I know you just wanted to be home.. and I’m so sorry I messed everything up.” He tried to pull away, always insistent on distancing himself when he didn’t feel like he deserved a hand to hold. But I pulled him back in with a gentle force.

“Jack it’s one day.” I reached up to hold the back of his head. “And I never said I wanted to go home. I just wanted to be with you.”

“It’s an important day. And the girls never messed it up.” His back rose and fell with sporadic breaths. There it was. That competition. Something he felt he had to measure up to.

I sighed out a breathy laugh. “Oh baby,” I slowly pulled away, reaching for his hands as I pulled him into the bathroom. I closed the toilet lid and motioned for Jack to sit on it, which he did.

“Do you know how many years have been chaos at galentines?” I asked. He shook his head. I stepped back toward the sink and grabbed the wet cloth, wiping gently at the makeup on my eyes.

“The first year, we only had a veggie tray because everybody was too broke to actually cook anything and we were all still in college.” I glanced at Jack in the mirror. “Our second year, we didn’t even plan a consistent time, so everybody just showed up whenever, and it was in the common room during March Madness.” I finished removing my makeup and tossed the cloth aside. I grabbed a paper towel and turned to Jack, leaning forward to wipe the tears from his cheeks. He sniffled once again.

“Year three and four didn’t happen because we got too busy with our lives. Year five was held in my first apartment. We ended up clogging the sink and having to learn how to fix pipes in the same night.” I lowered myself into his lap. “Year six we were going to go to the beach. Surprise surprise, Kathy forgot the plane tickets.” Jack seemed a bit reassured about that one. At least he hadn’t ruined a vacation.

“Nothing is perfect Jack.” I ran my hands through his wavy hair.

“It should have been.”

“Yeah, but it’s not. Things go south sometimes. It took the girls and I years to coordinate the perfect Galentines Day. We’ll get there too.” I tucked a strand of his hair behind his ear.

“So we’re okay? You’re not mad?”

I shook my head. “Baby, I would never freak out over something as small as this.” I pressed a kiss to his forehead. “I might not let you plan the next date, but I’m not angry.” I finally brought a giggle from his lips. “You went through so much trouble today to make me happy. Even if nothing went well I appreciated it. Thank you so much, Jack.”

✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾

[ineedjesusverymuch]

Diabolik lovers headcanons pt. 4

Hi! After that huge response my other post got, I decided to write more/be more active on here. I really enjoy writing my thoughts on just about anything regarding dl out and it makes me happy that so many people liked my post!

Although that big of a response was quite a shock. Seemed that I did not, in fact, yell into the void that time :).

Though I am not sure if that post did anything different, I'll continue posting on here no matter how big the response is. If I can make even one person happy with those posts, (including me) I'll keep on writing those silly headcanons of vampires that do not exist. :)

I am going to focus more on the mukamis and Yui in this post since the last one was almost only the Sakamakis.

⚠anything triggering will be marked like this: ❗trigger❗

⚠I am going to briefly discuss childhood trauma and depression.

As always, I'll try to stay at least a little bit true to the source material.

Asks are always appreciated!

This time, I rambled quite a bit about Azusa ':)

headcanons under the cut⬇

Firstly, Yui. Our dear heroine who deserves just about everything!

Really good at dancing those old, classical ballroom dances. She had a few lessons by Ayato (who spent the entire time giving his best not stomping on Yui's feet) and Reiji (whose lesson was the most horrifying experience she had ever had)

After those lessons, she refined her skills. Ayato is quite a good dancer, so she had someone to practice with.

Her best dances are waltz and rumba

Ayato is literally not physically able to stop watching her when dancing together. Never has he seen someone that beautiful (I stand by Ayato being totally besottet by Yui)

Her style is so coquetteish, old fairy tale princess, etherial soul, cottage core - genuinely dresses like a pinterest board

Really fcking pretty??? I don't get why the boys humble her all the time

Immune to pretty boys/play boys. She has seen it all.

really adores bunnies. Lionheads? She'd like a dozen of them.

Had at one point a guinea pig. It died and her father buried it and told her that a fairy had taken it to be her loyal companion. Yui believed it until she was like 16 years.

Her hair has those light curls and feels like the softest thing ever

The clasp in her hair is not the only flowery hair adornment she has, Yui loves to wear different clasps on special occasions

Definitely got gifted a hair pin with rose details from Subaru at one point

Best friends with Subaru. They like to spend quality time caring for his flowers and Yui is allowed to brush his hair on tare occasions.

Shu tried to teach her the violin once and she was horrible at it (but flute was her thing)

Has those shirts with horribly kitsch prints on them but no one says anything to her because she loves them so much

She has thought a lot about her faith since being with the Sakamakis. Read a lot about her god and the different religions.

Has though about studying theology and psychology in University

collects squishmallows

wears those light perfumes that smell like vanilla and flowers occasionally

Everyone turns their head when they first see Yui

Etherial beauty

Smells like vanilla. It's because she uses those body lotions and a lightly scented hair mist

Ayato goes mad at the smell

Ayato genuinely loves Yui. Just her, living her life. He adores her.

Also; Ayato is a himbo.

Dumb and dumber duo

Subaru teaches her material art as defense for anything coming at her

Natural at fighting

Decked Ayato in the face once as he materialized out of thin air behind her

Knocked him unconscious

Laito laughed for literal hours at the though of Ayato getting knocked out by Yui

Her dream is living in peace with eveyone she loves

Had an actual talk with Ayato at some point. They are a healthy couple now (No, I do not care about the canon. They're in love your highness)

Goes to therapy. She decided to after nightmares regarding her early days with the boys

Also, scared that Cordelia will come back at one point and take her body over completely

Yui is the nicest person ever

Will talk with you about everything you'd like

Gentle soul.

Gives great hugs?? Knows how to comfort someone who's feeling bad

She's not only good at baking but also at making those highly decorated cakes and cupcakes. Kanato begs her for themed cupcakes as soon as autumn starts and Halloween decorations appear

next, Ruki.

Eats way too much dark chocolate

We're talking about two entire bars minimum a day

Coffee junkie

Has a disproportionately large consume of anything caffeinated

Wears the same crusty, dry eyeliner since 1990

Refuses to buy a new one since "the old one still works" (it does not)

flirts with Reiji. Its so obvious that even Yuma has realized it

(Reiji is oblivious to it)

Academically speaking, really good at the natural sciences.

Fcking sucks at english though

Studies quite a lot, Ruki despises being on the same level as Reiji

Bad loser

Will be sulky after losing a game of Uno

Definitely cheats at card games

Really good at annoying Reiji. It's such a high level of annoying, he could give courses on the matter

Really good older brother

Checks on the other Mukami brothers when Ruki sees them struggeling with their pasts

Will check in every night if Azusa or Kou are plagued by nightmares

Has nightmares about the orphanage

❗sometimes wakes up scared that his brothers are actually dead and can only calm down after checking that each one is still alive

❗Definitely scared of anything happening to his brothers, he has panic attacks just thinking about that night

reads self help books

Has at least one "how to raise unruly children" book on his shelves

Culinary mastermind

But also makes the weirdest combinations of foods? Why would anyone like to taste jam with cucumbers and pepper????

now, Kou

Likes those really creepy stuffed toys

really good at drawing winged eyeliner

Has worn pink mascara and it looked so fcking good???

Hugest crush on Subaru

Flirts with him but the dear boy does not recognize romantic affection even when it slaps him in the face

Almost fainted riding the first time on Subaru's motorcycle

The scariest thing since really long

Wears really dangly, long earrings

With the weirdest motifs

Has one pair that has clams that can open. The pearls inside them glow in the dark.

his stomach is a bottomless pit. The first time he came over to spend a night at the Sakamaki's, Reiji was genuinely afraid that they had nit enough food to last to breakfast

Laito and he binged the Kardashians

Loves gossip. Knows everything about everyone

Makes rad nail art

Loves styling Azusa. Its their quality time, combined with trying those really spicy crisps

huge energy drink consumer

Helps him trough those sleepless nights were Kou stays up and chats with Laito the whole night through the phone

quite good at learning historical facts

Due to Kou's eye, he can see truths and lies in humans. But he is also really good at deciphering the human psyche.

Doesn't always use his eye. Sometimes, just Kou's knowledge of psychology is enough to recognize lies

There are some headcanons that Kou is italian. I agree with that. I can really image him enjoying the culture and the food. Also, I read a headcanon once that Kou's real name was Emilio. (If someone knows the name of the OP, please tell me)

Now, our vegetable freak: Yuma!

loves scrunchies and hair claw clips

Got one from Kanato once and uses them since

Also, I propose: Yuma with those hair claw clips in butterfly shape. Gifted by Kou as a joke

but now, he always wears them

Kanato braids his hair in really elaborate hair styles. Bridal style vibes. Kou thinks its the funniest thing ever

Shu loves toying with his hair when bored. It's just so soft and smells really good (Yuma uses Kou's shampoo on the regular. It causes quite a lot of fights)

took 1 (one) "Am I Gay" quiz. It came out a hundred percent positive. The next day, he confessed to Shu. They've been together ever since

Feeds the birds on the porch of their house every morning, together with Azusa

Actually really educated about current politics (at least the ones in Romania. But knows quite a lot about the USA and Japan, too)

Will start fights with Ruki about politics during dinner

If you ever want to hear angry romanian yelling, just go to the Mukami house during elections

Cares for every houseplant in their house

Brings at least two new plants per week at home. Ruki is on the brink of forbidding Yuma from accessing his monthly allowance

wears really shitty clothes. I'm talking thousand times stitched together trousers. They look like potatoes sacks but he refuses to get new ones

Has a toolbelt that looks atrocious

He wears it almost every day

The dirtiest shoes known to mankind

So dirty with soil and just about anything you can find in nature

Ruki gets daily aggressions about the spots on their carpet, since Yuma thinks changing shoes just for going inside is stupid

Wears the most amazing eyeliner but it is actually just old as fuck eyeshadow and mascara

He makes it look good

Has the longest lashes known to humankind

Brown skin due to being outside so much

Disneyprincess in secret

loves those huge dogs

now, Azusa!!

jesus that boy can be seductive

No, I wont elaborate

That was a lie, I will elaborate on anything with Azusa. He has the art of subtle flirting refined to mastery

Tried to flirt with Kanato. But Kanato thought he was being made fun of

Great at subtle makeup

Also; great dancer. Especially latin dances such as cha-cha-cha or salsa

He has those hips (breedable, as some folks would say)

Canonically doesn't like peppers

That doesn't apply to stuffed peppers with spices though

Great at remembering faces, not so great at remembering names

Can draw and paint and do art so good????

God of art

Not god of natural sciences though

Is doing alright at school but doesn't like the education system

Speaks not only romani and japanese but also a bit of English (and has the thickest british accent. No one knows where it is from and Azusa refuses to tell them that it is from watching Harry potter so often)

Colours his hair in a blue-black colour to give it more depth sometimes

Wears very pretty, light blue-ish glitter on the inner eye corner sometimes

So beautiful eyes??

Long, dark lashes

Likes to wear a bit of mascara

Naturally a defined jawline and straight nose

But a bit chubby cheeks

Is very pale but tans quite a but when longer outside in the summer. But dues to his sensitivity to heat, he'd rather stay inside

His eyes have a bit of an almond form, which gives them a sharp look, but still quite big

Azusa likes to wear too big clothes, especially hoodies and sweaters from Ruki and Yuma.

Also, cargo pants. The wide ones

Combat boots are a staple in his closet

Loves plateau boots and sneakers

Converse all stars are his to go shoes if no plateau boot is available

The shoes size him up quite a bit so the first time he met the Sakamakis, they all thought he was quite big. They all were surprised as they arrived at the Mukami home and Azusa just shrinked a few inches

Paints his fingernails in hope that he doesn't chew on them that much if they're pretty and colorful

Cuts his hair himself because he feels that his slow manner of speech annoys the staff in hair salons

But he likes the choppy style so its not as big of a problem for him

❗has a problem coping with what happened in his childhood. He canonically sh, but has frequent anxienty attacks too.

Due to that, he has a few weightened blankets and lots of pillows on his bed to simulate the feeling of getting hugged

Big hugger

His love language is physical touch

bug lover

Has a really cool sweater with the life cycle of a frog

That was it, actually. I rambled quite a bit about Azusa but I still hope you'll like it.

I hope I was able to make your day a bit better.

If you have any requests, just ask!

Thank you for reading all of that. I really appreciate you! I hope you'll have an amazing day/night!

[hollybell51]

here me out. Adam Warlock and sex pollen.

It's ok - one

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Part two

Adam Warlock x AFAB!Reader

Marvel Cinematic Universe, Guardians of the Galaxy vol. 3 (outside canon)

Word count: 4.6K

Summary: foreign flora has an unexpected effect on your human physiology.

Content: sex pollen and associated DUBCON, fuck-or-die, smut, maybe very slight perviness (but I don't think it's creepy or really triggering), Adam being down bad, SMUT. Gratuitous smut. Non-explicit masturbation, handjobs (kinda), penetrative sex, unprotected sex, Adam's a virgin, reader isn't, bit on angst, unresolved, there will be part 2. Maybe some out of character-ness, but it's hard cause he only had like 10 minutes screen time so what I've written is based on my own interpretation and what I've read since I watched the movie

Notes: I hear you anon! I actually haven't done sex pollen before, though I always found it kinda fun, so this was new to me. I actually wrote a part 2 which I'll post with this, and that's much of the same xx. Also sorry I haven't done anything in ages, I've been super under the weather and busy so I haven't really had time lmao. Anyways, have fun with this!

“Hey, did you get through those notes?” Your voice echoed in the stillness of the forest, seeming to bounce off the lush petals of the giant flowers towering overhead. The local flora was all supersized, bigger than anything Adam had ever seen, and filtered the harsh light of the planet’s nearest star in sickly sweet hues of pinks, greens, yellows and even blue. 

“Breathable atmosphere, mostly docile wildlife. Predators are nocturnal.”

“Ok, just… How much longer are we gonna be out here?” 

Adam turned, letting the machete you’d armed him with – “bush bashing. Gotta learn those life skills, huh?” – hang by his side. You were panting, face flushed and beaded with sweat as you planted your hands on your hips and frowned at him. Even like this, speckled with bright yellow and orange pollen and clearly uncomfortable, Adam couldn’t ignore the odd swooping sensation in his gut. It was like someone was constantly pulling a rug from under his feet. 

He checked the time displayed on the tablet. “Two hours. Maybe less. Are you ok?” 

You groaned, but nodded and walked the few paces to stand beside him. “Goddamn flower dumped its load all over me. You sure this shit is breathable?” 

The atmosphere. Right, you were joking about the humidity. “If you don’t mind a bit of a steam,” he tried, smiling at the short bark of laughter the remark conjured. 

You tapped his machete-holding hand, jerking your head towards the wall of fleshy greenery. “Nice. Let’s just get this over with.” 

Adam simply nodded. The falling feeling had been replaced by something warm and sticky, the simple touch and your laugh flowing like syrup to sit low inside him. It had been like this for a while now, since he’d started really talking to you, spending time with you, noticing things about you. Like your hair, now dusted with fiery plant spores and stuck to your forehead, and how it caught the lights of Knowhere just right when you sat down beside him to eat. Or the little wrinkles around your eyes and mouth when you smiled – really smiled. The High Evolutionary had disliked wrinkles and other physical signs of ageing, viewed them as imperfect and a blight on existence. Adam could have stared at yours all day. 

“Can I see that?” 

Again, Adam stopped and turned. You were craning at the tablet, your hand absently running around the collar of your suit. 

“What’s wrong?” 

“Just… It’s really hot. Do you feel that?” 

Adam shrugged. Temperature wasn’t a huge concern to him, but you looked truly uncomfortable now. “Humidity can often make it feel hotter than it is.” 

“I know, but…” You grimaced, pulling your collar down further and wriggling your shoulders. “I feel really hot. Worse than before.” 

Adam frowned. He knew humans were often sensitive to their environment, much more so than was practical, but you seemed more affected than you should be. There were places on Earth hotter than the current reading, you’d told him that, so why were you–?

The comm on his wrist buzzed, Rocket’s voice crackling across the emergency frequency. “Warlock? You copy?” 

“Yeah,” Adam replied, still watching you. You were taking a semi-restrained drink from your flask, no doubt aware that it had to last the whole trek and back. 

“Is (Y/N) with you?” 

“Yeah, why?” As he watched, you held the back of your hand up to your forehead, then your cheek, then your neck. The suit still seemed to be bothering you. 

“Are you on the ground?” 

“Yes.” 

“You need to get out of there.” 

Adam didn’t think he was imagining the urgency in the raccoon’s voice, distorted as it was over the distance. He was in an entirely different corner of the galaxy, after all. “Why? What’s wrong?” 

A pause, then, “The flowers, they’re… uh, they’re kinda…” 

“They are very powerful aphrodisiacs!” Ah, Kraglin, just as worried-sounding as Rocket. “They can be harmful to humans!” 

Your other hand had joined the first on your face, but it didn’t seem to be doing a lot. You’d managed to get the zipper on your suit down, the neck pulled down to expose your shoulders and collar bones, the skin there just as flushed as your face. 

“What?” 

Rocket groaned, but Kraglin either didn’t notice or didn’t care. “Aphrodisiacs,” he repeated. “If she breathes the pollen her body temperature will rise until she develops a fever, and if she doesn’t have sex she could die.” 

His entire (relatively short) life, Adam’s mother – and pretty much everyone else – had been more than generous in pointing out that he was lacking, that he was slower than he should be, that he was not up to the same speed as they were. It was because he’d left the cocoon early, he knew that, but he’d never really felt that much slower. Maybe a little, but he’d always understood where he’d gone wrong and why. This was totally different. For the first time, Adam felt like he was lagging behind. 

“What?” he asked again. “What do you mean if she doesn’t have sex she’ll die?” 

“Makes ya horny, genius. Means what exactly that. Fuck or die.” Rocket took over, clearing his throat. “I’m reading off the notes, bit further down. It’s small, so you might have missed it. It says it works normal for most species, but humans are more fragile so…” 

Yes, that made sense. Adam couldn’t remember that in what he’d read, but he’d also been distracted by your legs slung across his and the little wrinkle that had appeared between your brows as you’d carefully packed your bag, sliding everything perfectly into place. He’d wanted to just reach across and run his thumb over the line, smooth it away forever. 

Now, that same bag thudded as it hit the ground and you frantically fanned yourself, eyes closed. There was no telling if you’d heard the conversation, but Adam didn’t want to waste time finding out. 

“Ok, I’ll, uh, get her back to the ship.” 

“She ok?” 

He paused for a moment, then settled on, “yeah, she’ll be fine.” 

“You got this, golden boy.” The radio crackled and fell silent, and that was that. What a great help. 

“(Y/N)?” he ventured, picking up your pack. “Did you get all that?” 

You nodded, wriggling to get the zipper further undone. Your back was beaded with sweat, and in any other circumstance, maybe Adam would have let himself dwell more on the soft contours of your spine, the roll of your shoulder blades, the harsh line of your bra strap in contrast to your smooth skin. 

“I’m really… It’s so hot, holy shit. Why’s it gotta be so hot?” 

“I think that’s the fever bit. Come on, we should get back.” 

You drew a sharp breath when his hand met your back, your whole body tensing. 

Adam withdrew at light speed. “Sorry, I didn’t–” 

“No,” you cut him off, “no, it’s fine. I’m fine.” 

“Ok.” 

It couldn’t have been more than half an hour since you’d set out, but it felt like a long time to get back. You were slower, for one, stumbling and muttering apologies whenever you became disorientated – which was often – and wriggling like your clothes were full of insects. Your breath came heavy, your skin becoming more and more flushed as you drew closer to the ship, and you looked so uncomfortable it made something twist inside Adam. 

“I heard it,” you panted, stepping clumsily over a root. “What Kraglin said.” 

“Oh,” was all Adam could think of. 

“You don’t— You shouldn’t— You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.” 

“Hey, no, it’s ok. You’ll be ok.” 

“I’m– fuck, Adam.” 

“You’ll be ok, (Y/N). We can sort this out.” 

“I don’t wanna force you to do anything–” 

How cruel could the Universe be? Adam wondered as he patted your shoulder – then regretted it when you stumbled. You were the first person he’d really wanted anything with, the first person he’d thought about and imagined and, dare he say it, fantasised about, and now you were worried you were going to somehow hurt him or make him do something he didn’t want to. It was sweet, bitterly so, and ironic enough to feel like a punch in the stomach. If anyone should be worried, it should be him. After all, how were you ever going to look at him the same way after this? How was he going to look at himself the same way?

“I’m so…” You broke off as you emerged into the clearing where the ship was parked, a sob – relief or something else, Adam couldn’t tell – torn from you. 

Your legs were shaking now, your skin so hot Adam could feel it through the material of your suit. He helped you quickly aboard, avoiding your eyes as you peeled the suit from your shoulders and pushed yourself against the cool wall. The pollen still lay over your hair and clothes, insultingly cheerful and innocent. 

He sighed. “We should get rid of that.” 

“Huh?” 

“The suit. It’s got pollen all over it.” 

“Oh, right.” You said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world, peeling the material from your body without a second thought. Well. Adam hadn’t expected that. Trying not to watch as you sunk down to the floor, he shoved the offending clothing into the disposal to be dealt with later. 

“You should probably take a shower. There’s pollen in your hair and… on you.” 

You nodded, legs pressed firmly together, arms spread over the cool surface at your back. “Yeah, sure, I… Can you… Fuck, Adam, I’m sorry I—” 

“It’s ok, (Y/N), don’t worry.” It felt like a ridiculous thing to say, but seemed to help a little. “What do you need me to do?” 

“I need…” You trailed off in a low whimper, your legs shaking now. You didn’t even seem to notice you were in nothing but your underwear. “I…” 

Again, that twisting feeling. “Do you want me to come with you?” 

“Yes.” The word fell from your lips with a relieved sigh, your head tipping back. 

So Adam went with you, helping you into the tiny decontamination spray shower, trying to avoid touching you as much as possible – not for lack of trying on your part. You seemed to gravitate towards him, pressing your body into his hands wherever they lay, leaning hard against him. Your breath was still laboured, your face still pink, but it seemed less painful now that you had direction and were free of the suit. You’d stopped wriggling, anyway. 

You sighed as you sank down to the floor, your fingers vice-like around Adam’s. His free hand found the taps easily, turning on a cool jet and directing it to the pollen in your hair. It flowed down your neck and shoulders, an orange river spiralling into the drain. 

“I’m sorry,” you said for what must have been the millionth time, your own free hand pressed between your legs, tension radiating from every line of your body. “I’m so sorry, Adam.” 

“Hey, no, don’t be. It’s going to be ok.” He crouched, ignoring the water as he reached across to lay a hand on your forehead. You practically whined at the contact, your fingers tangling even harder with his, skin hot despite the cold water. 

“(Y/N)?” he said softly. 

“Hm? 

“Rocket, uh… Rocket said the pollen’s an aphrodisiac.” 

“Yeah, I – fuck – I know. Trust me.” 

“He said it works, um, strongly on humans.” Adam paused, heart pounding. Why did it have to be you, of all people? And why him? “If you don’t,” he continued, “you know… The fever might get high enough to kill you.”

“Oh fuck, come on!” Water sprayed where your foot slapped the shower floor, your voice echoing. 

Adam had never felt worse about anything. “I’m sorry, I should have checked the notes first, I didn’t even consider–” 

You didn’t seem to care. “So now I’m gonna overheat and die?” 

“Unless you have sex. With someone.”

Your head thudded on the wall, a sob flopping wetly from your throat. “Fuck this. Does it have to be with someone? Will it work if I just… do it myself?” 

“Uh, actually, I don’t know. Maybe.” He paused, unsure, then, “Do you want to try?” 

“Yeah, yeah I—” You took a shuddering breath, blinking through the water dripping over your face. “Yeah.” 

Adam nodded, standing. “I’ll… I’ll be around. If you need anything.” 

“Thanks.” It was barely a whisper, so wretched it made his heart hurt. You released his hand, and he turned quickly to leave you alone, your relieved moan following him out the door. Adam didn’t like this, not at all. You weren’t quiet, though he supposed that wasn’t your fault, and he hated, really hated the heat your moans and gasped curses sparked in him. It was wrong, so wrong, and he should not be here. But he couldn’t leave you. 

“Fuck, fuck oh my God–” you cried eventually, a wet thud echoing through the wall. “Oh my– fuck fucking fuck!” 

Adam listened carefully, unsure whether or not he should…

“Adam?” 

“Yeah?” 

“I don’t…” You broke off in a sob, genuine fear lacing your voice. “Fuck.” 

“(Y/N)?” He stepped back into the shower, pausing only for a moment to take in the mess that was you. Your hand was still between your legs, thighs spread wide, panties crumpled in a wet bundle in the corner and your bra pulled halfway down your torso. In any other situation, it would have been the hottest thing Adam had ever seen. 

“I can’t… It didn’t work, I’m still so hot, why am I so goddamn hot?” 

Adam cursed as he crouched beside you, taking your free hand only a little gingerly. He cursed fate and circumstance, himself for not reading the notes properly, Rocket and Kraglin for not miraculously having a cure, and you for still looking so fucking beautiful while you were quite literally dying. He swore that if – when – he and you got out of this, he was going to burn that whole jungle. 

“We’ll fix this,” he assured you, gently rubbing his thumb over the back of your hand. 

You sighed at the contact, shifting closer. 

He frowned. “Is that…?” 

“Feels better when you touch me,” you murmured. 

That was going to haunt his dreams, he just knew it. This whole ordeal was going to haunt him, and probably not in the way it should have. He already knew he’d be seeing your shoulders silky with the water, your back slicked with sweat and the smooth curve of your thigh for months, let alone everything else. Wrong wrong wrong wrong, he reminded himself. 

“Do you…” He stopped. It was absurd. It was wrong. It was not something he’d ever live down. 

Your eyes were open, overly bright and dark with want, searching his face like he held all the answers. You were still so flushed, hair plastered to your forehead and dark with the water, lips parted and so, so pink. 

“Do you want to have sex with me?” 

“Yes.” The syllable was torn from you, ragged and desperate, followed quickly by another sob. You shook your head. “I don’t want to pressure you, don’t wanna make you do something you don’t want to.” 

He could have laughed. How were you still so focussed on that of all things? It brought that syrupy feeling back, only now it was darker, hotter, and tinged with guilt. 

“It’s ok,” he said softly. “(Y/N), it’s ok. Don’t worry.” He carefully moved his hand to your face, pushing the wet hair off your forehead. 

You leaned into it as you had before, your eyes closed. “Then yeah, I… Fuck, Adam, I want you so bad. You have no idea how much I want you.” 

It wasn’t you. Not really. He did his best to ignore the spread of the tingling warmth, his own want, as he helped you to your feet and did his best to dry you – again, as gently as he could. You just let him, casting your bra away when he paused at it, still struggling to stand and trying your best to get as close to him as you could.

Vaguely, Adam wondered how the hell this would actually work. He hadn’t had a lot of experience with much of anything before he met you and the other Guardians, let alone sex, and he had no idea if you had either. He somehow doubted you were in the same position as he was – you were gorgeous, after all, and so friendly it was a wonder he hadn’t ended up head over heels for you sooner. 

He really wished this wasn’t happening. He wished you really did want him, that he’d worked up the guts to ask Quill about Gamora and how that had gone before he’d taken off, then told you about his feelings properly. If he’d gotten that far, he was sure you’d have shown him how it went with the same patience and care you’d shown him everything, and he’d have liked to have taken his time. He’d have liked to kiss you, touch your pretty hands and hold you close, feel you all over and let you take the lead, tell you about the things he thought about you and everything you did to him. 

But it was happening, and you were probably not going to want to talk to him after it had run its course. At least you’d be alive.

You’d stumbled to a bed – one of the standard fold-out ones – beside him, and now he sat you down on its edge. You hadn’t released your hold, pulling him down with you, hands flying straight to the fastening of his own damn suit. 

“Is this ok?” you breathed, practically vibrating with anticipation. Your hands were flitting everywhere; his hair, his neck, along his jaw, his face, his own hands. You were very clearly trying very hard to make yourself slow down, wait, and Adam’s heart melted. 

“Yeah,” he said, “it’s all ok. You do what you need to.” 

A sigh of relief, a soft “thank you,” and then you were clambering into his lap and peeling his clothes off like it was nothing, your lips hot and hard against his. Adam hadn’t kissed anyone before, but he’d seen enough movies – most of them with you – to know that this wasn’t how it usually went. There was little technique or rhythm, more your tongue licking into his mouth, teeth occasionally knocking against his, so forceful he wondered if it was hurting you. 

You’d completely stripped him remarkably fast, and now your hands explored his shoulders and arms, trailing goosebumps down his chest and stomach. You fit perfectly over him, and he allowed himself to run his own hands up your back, down again, over your hips, finally settling in the curve of your waist. How often had he wondered what it would be like to hold you there? 

You moaned, the heat at your centre slick and wet against his own rapidly hardening dick. And now you were moving, too, grinding against him like your life depended on it and why had nobody told Adam it could feel like this? 

You’d broken the kiss, your lips swollen and even redder than they’d been before, your hands now in his hair, fingers tugging ever so gently. Adam had to stifle his own little sound of pleasure, bending his head to kiss at your neck and those collar bones he could look at forever. You gasped a “yes” when his tongue darted out to taste the skin, the faint tang of sweat mingling with the sweetness of the water that had dripped there from your still-damp hair. 

Your fingers tightened in his own hair, the delicious pull sending more heat straight down. You directed his head in that direction, too, arching your back until his mouth found the soft mound of your breast and he licked, then on a whim, sucked. 

“Oh, yes, Adam–” you panted, your movements becoming even more frantic. 

“Hm?” 

“Oh, that’s– that’s so good.” 

Did you know what you were doing to him? Adam supposed you didn’t, sucking again at a different spot, licking it, placing a kiss there, moving on. Rinse and repeat. 

Then your hands disappeared from his hair – that was a shame, but this wasn’t about him – and the next moment your fingers were wrapped around his cock and you were stroking it better than he ever had, your palm a million times softer than his, sliding easily with your own slick. 

“Can I?” you were asking. “Please, Adam, can I?” 

You could do whatever you wanted, Adam didn’t care. If he’d thought about it, he’d have realised that he actually liked the idea of you having your way with him, using him for your own pleasure, taking what you needed from him. But he didn’t think about it, he was too caught up in the smell and taste of your skin, the little sounds you were making, the wonderful movement of your hand. 

“Yes,” he breathed, “yes, go ahead, (Y/N). Please, just– just go ahead.” 

You were moving, rising on those wonderful thighs and your hand was moving too, something hot and slick rubbing over the head of his dick and then holy shit Adam’s mind went blank. If he’d thought you felt hot before, it was nothing compared to this. He groaned in unison with you as you sank down, taking him fully and gripping his shoulders, your breath fanning his face. You fit perfectly around him, squeezing spongy and smooth, and nothing could have prepared him for it. 

You braced yourself on his shoulders, rising off him – for a second he wondered if that was it, if you were pulling away – before you sank back down. You did it again, then again, and again and again until the only sounds in the room were your breaths mingling with his, your unrestrained little moans and his own half-stifled ones, the slap of your skin on his. 

Adam held you close, hands still anchored to your waist, transfixed by the silken heat of you and the brush of your chest against his, the bounce of your breasts and solidity of your body on top of his. 

“Feels so fucking good,” you panted. “No idea, so fucking – shit – good–”

“(Y/N),” he choked, unable to form a single coherent thought. 

“You’re so good, Adam oh my God.” 

Something was building in his stomach, he could feel it. The warm syrupiness was gone, something hotter and harder and so tight coiling in its place, growing with each moan and sigh and whispered curse from you. It was so much, almost too much, and half of his brain wanted you to stop right there. But the other half, the half that created those late-night daydreams, real dreams, half-formed ideas and scenes in his mind… That half wanted you to go harder, slam your hips down faster and say it again, tell him he felt good, he was doing well. 

“Making me feel so fucking good,” you murmured, as if you’d read his mind. “You’re so… ah, fuck, Adam, I’m so close–” 

Close to what? he wondered vaguely, but the praise was spinning that coil faster, faster, tighter and faster until– 

“Adam, oh, Adam—!” 

It snapped, electric and white hot and rolling up his spine like a damn shockwave. He could hear you crying his name, your movements slowing and your body spasming around his. He’d cum before, of course he had, but never like this. That had been small and so quick he hadn’t even realised what was happening until he was spilling into his hand or the bedsheets, confined to his dick, never spreading through his whole body and never with that glorious buildup. This was something else entirely. 

After what felt like an age, Adam’s mind returned to his body. You were shaking, collapsed against his chest, your arms wrapped around his shoulders and his around your waist, your face pressed into his hair, his own nestled in the junction of your neck and shoulder. You fit so perfectly against him. 

“Are you alright?” he asked, his voice husky even to his own ears. 

You didn’t lift your head, but he felt you nod. 

“Are you sure? You’re shaking.” 

“Yeah,” you sighed. “I’m fine. I feel better, actually. How about you?” 

Adam just nodded, unwilling to move. He could feel himself softening inside you, but didn’t want to lose the warmth and the feeling that he was yours, that he was fully with you. But… “Do you want me to stay?” 

No response, then a deep sigh. “Yes,” you whispered. 

Adam ignored the butterflies and the spark of hope that conjured, opting instead for practicality. He could feel the rapidly cooling sweat on his own back, the coldness of your damp hair, the mess of spend around the place where your body swallowed his. 

“I’m going to clean you up,” he said softly, “then I’ll come back. Alright?” 

“Ok.” 

Slowly, reluctantly, he lifted you off himself and set you down further back on the bed. You whined at the loss of contact, curling in on yourself and shivering. But you weren’t so hot anymore, the flush had been replaced by what he could only describe as a glow and the overly bright look had vanished from your eyes. You really did look better. 

After a moment’s hesitation, Adam rose and turned away, making for the cabinet where the medpacks and other supplies were kept. You wanted him to stay. You’d told him he felt good. You’d held him afterwards, let him hold you, and had made no move to make him leave. If anything, you’d looked disappointed when he’d broken the contact. But still, you weren’t yourself. 

He paused, a horrible thought crossing his mind. Was he going to end up like Quill? Hopelessly chasing a woman who didn’t feel the same way about him? He hoped not, he’d seen how miserable the man was. But you weren’t hard the way Gamora was -- as much as Adam knew her, anyway, which wasn't much. You were soft and open, and you did care about him, he was sure of it. At least you had. 

Shaking his head, Adam returned to the room with a damp cloth in hand. 

“(Y/N)?” he asked softly, pausing at the door. No answer. 

You were where he’d left you, he saw as he stepped around it, still curled up on your side. Your eyes were closed, the rise and fall of your ribs deep and even. Asleep. The surge of tenderness surprised him, strong enough that he was sure he’d been swamped by an actual wave. You really were beautiful, even damp and naked, lips swollen and hair mussed. 

He was careful not to wake you as he brushed the hair off your face, wiped away the worst of the mess, and then pulled a blanket over you. He wondered briefly if he should stay with you, slide down beside you and wrap his arms around your waist, warm you with his body heat and be there to tell you it was all alright when you woke up. 

You shifted, heaving a deep breath and adjusting your position minutely, and that decided it. Adam couldn’t disturb you, as much as he wanted to, and there was still your suit and discarded underwear, not to mention the original task. On an impulse, he bent and placed a soft kiss on your forehead before turning, scooping his own clothes off the floor and making for the shower. 

[crheativity]

Congrats on 200!

If it's cool with you, can I request a 5pm spa day with Vil?

WARNINGS: I don’t know anything about skin care (which is probably not a good thing). Also, featuring workaholic Vil. This also might be a bit out of character, I’m sorry, I tried D:

COMMENTS: Thank you Ithseem!! I’m sorry this took so long!! Not knowing anything about skincare or spa days made this like 10x more intimidating haha. I hope you enjoy it!!! Also, Vil with banter >>>>>

(Also, I promise I haven’t forgotten your other req, it’s just taking a while ;n;)

It is a truth universally acknowledged that the more “perfect” someone is, the busier they must be. If that was the case, you thought, then your boyfriend must be the most perfect person in the world.

It wasn’t that you were starved for attention - your boyfriend, the one and only Vil Schoenheit - gave you the attention you wanted any time he could (and quite often when he really should be working). But that never stopped you from feeling just a little bit lonely when he was away for a model shoot or busy with his acting. The past couple of days had been particularly painful. Vil had been away for about two weeks, shooting various cameos in various TV shows that you definitely remembered the name of.

Now he was finally back, and, as such, you’d gone to see if you could spend time with him, only to find him sitting cross-legged on his bed, deeply entrenched by a small mountain of paperwork.

“What’s all this?” You made your way over to his bed, attempting in vain to find a free spot to sit.

He glanced up at you and smiled, humour dancing in his eyes. “I believe it’s polite to knock before entering someone’s room.” He gently reminded you as he shuffled around some papers, making room for you next to him.

You sat down, wriggling into a comfortable position. “Usually, yeah, but you’re my boyfriend. You don’t count as a ‘someone’.”

He raised his eyebrows, his smile quirking into something a little more smug. “If I’m not a ‘someone’, does that mean I’m no one at all? Or do I not exist to you, hm?”

You took his arm and hugged it, humming in thought. “More like the fact that you do exist is unbelievable.”

Vil rolled his eyes but smiled. “And where did you learn that one?”

“From the best - you.”

He chuckled and patted your head with his spare hand.

You remained there in quiet for a while, the silence only occasionally broken by the scratching of Vil’s pencil on paper.

After a couple minutes that felt more like a couple hours, you felt restless. Having Vil back was amazing, but you wanted to do something, not just sit here and wait for him to finish whatever paperwork he was working through. That was out of the question, however. Vil always preferred to have his work done before doing anything else, so he didn’t have it hanging over him to do later.

To stop him in the middle of his work for something that could be done later, it’d have to be something pretty special.

After a couple minutes of brainstorming, you had a plan. It wasn’t guaranteed to work, but it was better than nothing.

Hesitantly, you tugged Vil’s arm. “Vil?”

“Yes, dear?”

“Do you wanna have a spa day?”

Vil glanced up at you, surprise and some suspicion evident in his expression. “Pardon?”

“I just wanted to ask if you wanted to do a spa day.”

“…Why do you ask?” He looked interested, but confused.

“Well… you were gone for ages and I missed you. And I know you worked really, really hard on those shoots. So I was trying to think of something that you like that we could do as a celebration or something, I guess? Like, a celebration that we’re together again and a reward for your hard work.” You glanced up at him and smiled hesitantly. “Is that okay?”

Vil looked surprised, a faint splash of pink dusting his cheeks. He hesitated, then smiled. “Oh, alright then. This can all wait.” He took the papers on his lap and placed them in a pile, then gathered up all his other papers and dumped them unceremoniously on his desk. “It’s all utterly boring anyhow. But, dearest,” he paused and turned to look at you, a curious light in his eyes, “what made you think of a spa day?”

You shrugged and smiled. “Because you like them, right? And besides, relaxing after a long trip is better than doing more work.” You wrinkled your nose at the paperwork as though it smelt like Grim after rolling around in the mud.

Vil quickly walked over to you and pulled you into a tight hug. “Thank you, dearest.” He pulled away, a tired smile on his face and a purely, genuinely happy look in his eyes. He turned and went to prep everything needed for the spa day, and for that you were glad;

Even when he was exhausted, he knew how to make your heart skip a beat.

♥Thank you for reading!! I hope you enjoyed it!!♥

[jellojelli]

May I plz request welt bf headcannons ? Both sfw and nsfw plz

Welt Yang Boyfriend Headcanons

*a/n: 𝓜𝓻. 𝓨𝓪𝓷𝓰😍 my very first honkai love*

As always, 🛑Minors DNI🛑

Sfw

Being in a relationship with Welt is as easy as breathing. You make him feel young again and he wants to spend as long as he can going on adventures and creating everlasting memories with you. He is literally the most accommodating, easy going, and kind man in the entire universe. Just wants to travel the universe with you and hold you tight

Welt also is quite the romantic and easily sweeps you off your feet, literally and metaphorically. This man had PomPom clear the main cabin of the express to give you the most perfect confession of your life. Candle lit dinner, dimmed lights, beautiful starry view of space, even showed up with small bouquet of roses to give to you when you came to the main cabin. The only thing he missed was actually telling you to come meet him and the only reason you ended up coming in is thanks to Himeko giving you a little hint

Please remember though that Welt is a bit of a traditionalist in the sense of respecting personal boundaries both in public and private. It’s not that he won’t wrap his arm around you or hold your hand, but he won’t ever do it without asking first and he certainly won’t be overly affectionate in front of anyone. So if you’re looking for a smoochy while Dan Heng and March are there, you’re out of luck because the man will dodge you or go for a forehead kiss

With Welt being a bit of traditionalist I also think he’s a bit overprotective of you no matter your gender and sees himself as sort of the stereotypical ‘man of the house’ in the relationship. Not to say he’ll emasculate you or be misogynistic, he would literally apologize his entire life if he ever did that, he just takes it upon himself to be your protector and takes on those types of responsibilities. However, this will never make Welt stop you from going on adventures with others or alone. He wants you safe, yes, but he never wants to keep you in cage just to make himself feel more at ease

Dates with Welt are always well thought out and planned with you in mind. Welt is a pretty simple guy, he just likes seeing the sights and going to cool places, so it’s incredibly easy for him to find joy in any place or activity. Shopping? He could spend hours in a tech or mechanic shop looking at gadgets or just looking at you try on clothes or fawn over something you like. Sports? He may be up in age, but that doesn’t mean he’s decrepit and he will dunk on you with only a shred of mercy. And you know he’s always happy to go adventuring or exploring in even some mundane place like an abandoned mall or hospital.

Welt loves, loves, loves just existing with you. He loves being domestic and mundane with you by just doing your own things in the same room or doing something sweet together like cooking or doing the household chores together. He especially loves learning to cook something new that neither of you have ever tried before

Cuddle with this man and he will practically be putty in your hand. He’s literally so tense and getting a moment to just melt into your arms makes him feel 10 years younger. Also, ask him to tell you about something while cuddling and you’ll have his heart beating. He loves to subtly show off to you all the cool things he knows and can do. So please praise him and maybe lightly fangirl when he does cool things, it really brings his confidence up. He also thinks it’s really nice that you listen to him and ask him about more interesting things since most people only ask him to explain something educational and not actually retell any cool adventures he’s had

Welt is definitely the type of man to make you tea when you sound under the weather or you feel too hot/cold. He also might have a bad habit of letting you off the hook when it comes to work or the more boring bits of running and being on the express. He just doesn’t want you to overdo it like he does sometimes. You might also be the only person Welt 100% listens to regarding his well-being. Himeko and PomPom cannot thank you enough for getting this man to finally lay down and rest instead of staying up all night.

Fighting with Welt is incredibly rare and it never ever gets explosive or is done in public. The only thing he ever gets irritated with you over is if you have a lack of self preservation. He absolutely cannot stand seeing you battered and bruised, or worse on the brink of death because of an enemy. He’s great at communicating, even if it sometimes feels awkward, and he will sit you down and tell you exactly how he feels about your lack or care for yourself. Welt loves you, and not just loves you, he is in love with. You own his heart, you are his entire being, and he will be a dead man before he lets something take you from him prematurely. If you also happen to bring up how he sometimes acts and how he likes to play martyr himself, he will work on it with you so you both can stay safer while out in the field

I feel like Welt likes to give massages and he’s pretty decent at it too. He’s definitely better at massaging your back than say your legs or feet, but he will absolutely give you a full body massage if you ask. He won’t even make you pay him back, he just wants you to be comfy and relaxed

Kissing Welt will always make him flustered, doesn’t matter if it’s the first time you guys kiss or the 1 millionth time, his cheeks always get a bit pinker after. This man lives for the domestic type of kisses. He loves when you welcome him back to the express or even just back to the room with a kiss and a sweet smile. Same with the welcome kisses he loves goodbye kisses and will not leave the room or the express until he gets at least one kiss. Do not, and I mean do not, play with his kisses. Welt can be surprisingly childish when you try to play any sort of joke on him like pretending you didn’t hear him say goodbye or dodging his kisses. I mean he will legit do it back to you for as long as you did it to him all while he gives you this teasing smile. He will purposely not say goodbye to you anymore and even just straight up put his hand in your face when you try to kiss him and then chuckle at you when you give him a surprised pikachu face

This has nothing to do with Welt being your bf, but I really can’t help but think of Welt when I hear Constellations by the Oh Hellos and I can’t help but imagine him quietly singing this to himself when he thinks no one is around

Nsfw

This man right here is anything you want him to be. While he does have a slight preference for being the one in control or at the least bottoming from the top, he has no issue letting you take control whenever you want

Welt is a bit hesitant to try anything that’s not standard in what he considers ‘normal’ sex. Things like toys, bondage, or more intense kinks like choking or spanking have never really crossed his mind before. He’s willing to try them out for you though, but he won’t ever be too rough with you when it comes to spanking or choking since he’d rather be sweet and cherish you

Omg Welt is a certified pussy/ass eater and he gives earth shattering blowjobs. He can go all night just giving oral to you. Literally let him go to town on you and you’ll have to shove his head away or actually yank his hair to get him away from you because trying to actually move away is impossible when he’s got an iron grip on your thighs

He doesn’t mind if you laugh or crack a few jokes during sex. Sex is weird and makes weird noises and he’s held back some laugher himself from time to time. So don’t feel bad if you giggle at something silly that happened because chances are he’s laughing about it too. Just as long as you aren’t laughing to be mean he’ll join you in your laughing fit. I like to think at least once Welt’s glasses came off his face and just bonked you in yours in the middle of sex, definitely brought the sexy mood down for a moment when you both couldn’t stop laughing for a solid minute

Once you introduce Welt to some different kinks, I think he really takes to shibari and tying you up in general. It’s just really intimate to have him wrap different colored rope over your body and have him practically worship you while he does it

Speaking of, he loves giving body worship. Literally treats you like a king/queen and calls you as such

Loves when you praise him, again with wanting to impress you, he loves when you moan out how good he’s making you feel and loves it even more if he gets you to a point where you can barely even form a single word

Has definitely a time or two turned one of his massages into sexy time by being handsy with you of course only after he heavily hinted at what he was gonna do in case you wanted to refuse

Welt also really loves having early morning/sleepy sex with you. He especially loves it when you both get to be on a planet since on the express there really isn’t any soft, aesthetic morning light streaming in

He plays music when you guys have sex, like records filled with sappy love songs or soft songs with no lyrics will be quietly playing in the background making it feel like some scene in a movie

[shentm]

time is ticking down, sunday and tingyun are both out, we have 2 updates until amphoreus releases and i have written literally nothing

anyway this is kind of but also kind of not a part of ratio's identity crisis, like it shares the background but has too much aventurine in it to fit well with how r'sic is currently going

but like i need to start getting stuff out there. i need to start putting something down where it gets date marked and provides solid evidence that i thought of this before the game said it

anyway. written around august 30th, 2024, short overview of how aventio gets together in this universe

aventurine's jewel-toned being brightens ratio's life, very much literally. the man is an eyesore, and could do with a better stylist who actually dares to speak the truth about his taste. he shines with glitter and gold, foiled exterior hiding a deeply selfish ambition. the selfishness learns to expand its definition, and by the end of his mission it has found another to ensnare within its umbrella. somehow, as ratio boards the shuttle away from penacony, he carries with him a part of aventurine, even if he did not willingly take it. that part latches on to his heart and refuses to let go, claiming a piece of ratio in return.

it's not love. it's not romantic in nature. it's not romantic because he's never experienced that kind of love, and why would he start now?

aventurine calls him as often as he can, or as often as ratio will allow. he tries to keep it down to once per day, but sometimes he calls again a few hours after hanging up just to ask a useless question, thinly veiled as an excuse to talk again. ratio gets it. bedrest is boring, and someone of aventurine's status has few people in his circle who both know his address and have the time to go to that address. but unlike the gambler, he still has a job to do, and it's not one that can just be stopped at any moment, though with every day that passes he wishes that he could. there's that gold-infected part of him, the part where aventurine sunk his teeth in and introduced some kind of risk-loving parasite, that longs to find its host across the galaxy. it beats in tandem with his own pulse, and often convinces him that it's been a part of himself from the start. it's so evident in his routine communications, apparently, that screwllum ends one of their meetings with a comment from ruan mei.

"she says it's a common sign of lianai-nao," the monarch relays, and leaves ratio to flounder on his own.

during the university's next mandated break, ratio finally gives in to the foreign voice in his head, and drives through the universe in another hand-built metal cylinder. he lands in pier point, where he does have his own house, but finds himself at a coworker (and nothing more)'s apartment instead.

he spends a week there, several days longer than intended, and does only half of the grading that he had planned to do. he leaves aventurine again after the week is up, this time with a promise and a scheduled date to visit again.

the rest of the story is one that topaz likes to complain about at their gatherings when she gets too drunk, one that aventurine likes to embellish and show off to tired coworkers during meetings, and one that ratio says absolutely nothing about to any of his students. they can find out about it on their own time, by browsing on their fumblr or whatever it's called. there's probably creative works about him and aventurine on these kinds of sites already, that tell stories of happy worlds in other universes. he doesn't want to know.

instead, there's something else that has been growing inside of him over all this time. it's a small shard of ice, lodged somewhere in his bones, that asks him to remember a place that does not exist. and as it grows, it develops a familiar kind of weight; the weight of eyes, of gazes that travel across the universe, circumventing stars and their gravities, suspending mote-like planets in their passing beam just to land on him.

[sr-sam-bodypillow]

idk why but i thought of sam and fear play. i guess those yandere!sr headcanons and your dark!sam post are getting to me.

anyways, dark!sam x reader hcs?

— @staif-and-broulderbeans-anon

@staif-and-broulderbeans-anon

as the ceo of sam simps i formally apologise for taking so damn long on this ask lmao. i hope u can forgive me because this is so long and also i learned tumblr has a character limit whilst writing this which i did not know

tw: sam is a disgusting creep and a massive stalker in this, noncon/rape, assault, threats of murder, actual fucking murder, knife play, fear play, kidnapping, somnophilia, dacryphilia, possessive behaviour, general scumbaggery, yandere!sam, dark!sam, afab reader, i think this one is WAY more fucked up than the other one and i am SO SORRY

the time you think you met sam for the first time and the actual first time he saw you are very different. it was in passing at your workplace, a shitty 24/7 chain convenience store that you always managed to have the night shifts for.

it was getting late, but you still had quite a few more hours before the next guy came in to take over, and with no customers you found yourself drifting off at the counter, slumping in your seat as you took a much needed nap.

thing is, you did have a customer. sam's just far too good at being silent, standing off in the corner as he tries to figure out which iced coffee he's going to buy.

he peers around the shelves, spotting you, peacefully drifting off, messy hair framing your pretty face. you are absolutely adorable.

since there's nobody else in the shop, he spends a good few minutes walking around to make it seem like he's browsing the goods, when in reality he's watching you intently, drinking in every single detail of the scene like he's a man dying of dehydration

here's the thing about dark/yandere!sam. sam knows what he's doing is incredibly fucking creepy and weird. he just doesn't care. boundaries are a myth to him, but at the same time he has no illusions about what he's doing. he enjoys the feeling of power it gives him, the way he could scare someone into isolation with just a few well timed encounters. he's a massive sadist.

sam, having figured out where the cameras are by now, stands in a spot where he knows that he wont be spotted as he begins to take photos of you, taking a short video of the way your chest rises and falls.

he leaves without buying anything. why would he disturb you when you so clearly need it?

when you wake up, you can't shake the feeling that you're being watched. which you are. you very much are.

sam starts to stalk you online. he finds out every single detail he can, your social media accounts, your previous places of employment, everywhere you've lived, everywhere you've ever attended school or university, the works. he creates an entire batch of dummy accounts with false identities to follow you on accounts and to drop seemingly innocuous comments to record your responses.

within a month, he knows more about you than you could've ever possibly imagined. and you still don't even know he exists.

another thing is that he's done this to others before. but they rarely ever get past this first stage because they stop being interesting to him. not you, though. you're not so lucky.

the stalking escalates soon after to real life. you never see him, not once, as he slowly begins to map out your entire routine and lifestyle by following you.

he takes lots and lots of photos, and every single one goes up on the walls of his spare room. it's getting hard to see the original paint, and he's started having to layer photos on top of each other in some places, which upsets him.

you're taking over his entire life. you're all he thinks about. you are everything he's ever wanted and ever needed.

it goes on like this for three months before he finally 'meets' you, and even then it's been set up entirely for his own benefit.

you've just gotten some takeaway from this one place you really like when it starts pouring outside. you groan, knowing that you've got to walk home and your umbrella mysteriously vanished from your workplace just a few days ago. (sam has it.)

like a guardian angel, sam appears. he's got a big enough umbrella for the two of you and just so happens to be going in the same direction as your house. how convenient! he offers to walk with you.

you're suspicious of him at first, because it's some stranger who's come out of nowhere, but he seems to legitimately be going in the same direction as you and you really don't want to get your food wet. you agree, but keep one hand on the pepper spray in your pocket the whole time.

you chat to him on the walk back and he seems... actually quite nice! somehow, you end up with his number, and the two of you start messaging.

slowly but surely, sam begins to worm his way into your life. he doesn't rush it- no, he knows that this is a process that takes time. you need to trust him, and he is willing to wait his whole life for you.

despite all of this, he doesn't introduce you to sr. yes, he is an incredibly patient man, but if he has to take... drastic measures, he doesn't want them asking about why you've gone missing.

don't worry, you wont be dead! you'll just be tied up somewhere super safe where nobody can ever hurt you :)

sam's got a big house in a remote area. he slowly renovates one of the rooms into a perfect place to hold you, just in case

after all, he's hoping he wont ever need it. if all goes well, you won't need an introductory period where you get used to your new life, you'll just be sleeping with him from the get-go

still, he is patient. he waits. he wants everything to be picture perfect.

one day, though, you manage to test his patience a bit too much.

you don't mean to. it's just that for the very first time in the two years you've known him, you've decided to go on a date. you tell sam about the guy you're seeing, not knowing that you've given him enough information to find him.

sam is patient, but sam does not like competition. it doesn't take him much to abduct and kill them in the small apartment he rented to pretend he lived in for when you came over (he was intending to pretend that he'd just purchased his big house later down the line to convince you to move in with him)

unbeknownst to him, you already trust him far more than he thinks.

you've made your way to his apartment to ask if you can spend the night with him watching shitty horror movies instead because you're not actually too comfortable with the date and you're regretting it, only to find him halfway through butchering the man, covered in blood.

you don't even get the chance to scream. he knocks you out then and there, lamenting about how all his well-laid plans have gone to waste.

when you wake up later, it's to pleasure. you moan slightly in your half-awake stupor, too tired to really realise what's going on. is this a wet dream? it feels good, gentle hands touching you just where you want them to be.

it's only when sam laughs softly that you wake up fully, panic overtaking you.

you're tied to a wooden chair, all of your clothes having been pulled off. sam's hands rest on your thighs as he buries his face in your crotch, kissing and licking you as you squirm. you've only just woken up, but you already feel so incredibly overstimulated, his every movement sending shocks through your body.

sam takes his time. he wants to savour every single part of you.

you dont know how long he spends inbetween your legs, his beard brushing up against your skin and making you shiver. you do know that by the time he's finally has his fill you've cum at least thrice, legs shaking uncontrollably.

when he does finish, he crawls up onto your lap, kissing you gently, running his hands through your hair as he grinds his hips slightly, bulge incredibly visible in his tight pants. he's still fully clothed.

you sob uncontrollably, begging him to stop. your crying only turns him on more, and he leans in to lick your tears off your cheeks, an action that stuns you into horrified silence.

he unzips his pants, pulling out his erect cock and letting it rest on your stomach so you can see just how much you turn him on. precum begins to slowly leak down onto your skin, and you whimper pathetically.

he pulls a knife from his pocket, and slowly begins to trail it across your skin.

you yelp, telling him that you'll do anything as long as he doesn't hurt you. he coos at you, leaving hickeys on your neck.

this knife isn't to ensure your compliance. it's because sam wants to watch you bleed.

gently, he begins to leave shallow cuts along your body. they wont scar (too bad), but they will sting and they will most certainly bleed. every time he starts to drag the blade across your body you can see how his dick twitches in excitement

he begins to move, cutting away the ropes binding your legs before lifting them up and gripping onto them tightly so that he has better access to you, positioning himself at your entrance

you dont get any warning when sam slips his cock inside of you, beginning to thrust into you. again, he wants to take his time and drag this out as long as he possibly can, but it's so hard when you feel so fucking good.

it's like a switch has flipped. he becomes aggressive, grabbing you by your hair to force you to lift your head and look at him as he holds the knife to your neck. his thrusts become rougher, making the wooden chair creak with the force he's exerting.

the knife is right above your jugular, ready to drain the blood from you in one swipe. you know he can do it, too. you've already seen him murder another human. what's one more?

"beg." he hisses into your ear, grip tightening on your hair. "beg for me to fuck you, you fucking whore, or i'll slit your throat right here." the knife pushes harder into your skin, breaking the very top layers of skin and allowing a tiny amount of blood to run down your neck. "beg for me. tell me you want it, baby. i know you want it. let me hear you scream, or i'll fucking make you."

you beg. you plead for him to fuck you harder, to keep going, to be as rough with you as he likes. he listens, grabbing your jaw and forcing him to kiss you before biting down onto your shoulders, grip so tight you feel like you're going to bruise

you can't stop the broken moans that spill out of you as he slams into you over and over again. he laughs. "you're so much tighter when you're scared, darling. it's so fucking good"

you shudder as he finishes inside of you, warmth flooding in. he pulls out, grabbing his phone and taking a photo of his cum spilling out, bruises beginning to form on your body as cuts scab over

the switch flips again and he goes back to gentle and caring, brushing your hair from your eyes as he gazes at you with so much love in his eyes that it feels like it will burn you, slowly starting to take care of your superficial wounds

sam's so happy to have you, and you've got a very long time to learn to love him the way he loves you

[snowflakebyyou]

We were casual. You want to stay like that forever - until your person comes. But in the meantime, I’ll keep the seat warm yeah?

We started , it ended because you went away. Then back again when you came back, but this time - we didn’t want to date each other , all that we had was sexual chemistry. Fun.

December weekly, January weekly, February I gave up my celibacy and the weekly visits continued. Then he went away again. And I figured it was over, but you spoke to me when you were away and I thought, oh. Maybe he likes me. Just maybe.

You got home and in the same 12 hours you were already in my bed. Does he actually like me, or is he just horny? yeah. I see that now. Casual we said. The sleepovers we spent wrapped up, pretzel cuddles I thought. Tight morning squeezes, the morning slow. The morning sex - my favourite. I didn't want those mornings to stop, cosy. Always turned on when we would be near each other, his energy had an effect on me. He made me laugh. I cried. Saunas, wine, silent knowing every part of me. All behind the safety of my bedroom door. Everyone knew. Casual we said.

But it stopped feeling casual when you saw who I was. You noticed and put words to parts of me I've hidden from everyone else. I didn't want you to. You don't want me, why should you see me. I slipped up; I was comfortable, safe. You were so determined to break down my walls, that when you did, you all of a sudden couldn't hold me anymore. You saw what was behind them and its all too much. Just casual, we said.

Until you finally softened up, my yapping turned to yours, and my silence was filled by the stories of your mind, questioning the walks if the universe, but never about the x who broke you. Your friends questioned what you were doing with me, " its been a year" they say. Yet, you still can't understand why or how I've fallen for you the way I have. Either can I. Casual, we said.

Its just casual, but now it's not. convenient for you, maybe. Not casual, nor convenient for me. I am, only human.

You make me laugh, you had me in my place. You became safe. I told you I couldn't do it anymore, but I did. I kept doing it. An argument over the fire about the girl I knew you'd want. But i made a big deal out of nothing... I blocked your friend after he booty called me; you still like her photos. We are not the same.

It scared the fuck out of me, because now; you had the power. I care to much about a boy who can't like me. I tensed up, my heart sank.

"Booked for 6.30, you little minx" - We get to hang out. and you organised it. I was so excited. We spent the night. and I knew it was the last time. I really held on to those tight morning squeezes that morning. I knew you weren't going to want to be with me, so I stayed quiet, enjoyed the last hour of us. the us that doesn't actually even exist. I had the note written in my phone waiting to send to you. Knowing exactly what you would say. Just. Casual. We said.

The last wake up cuddles with your arm around my entire body. Your head resting on my neck. The last squeeze. We get up. Double shot coffee for you, fruit for us. You looked at me, for a second I thought maybe, just maybe; you would feel the same. I hoped.

But I knew it was the last little slice of a morning we would spend together. Just casual we said, and for you. It is. As tinder pops off on your phone, I downloaded bumble to feel better; I didn't.

Loyalty is a funny thing. Cause what did we owe each other?

I send the message, I already know the response too. Silent crying. I thought this was it, the boy I wanted to give up being single for; It was finally my time. You have no idea, how it felt to wait 6 hours for a reply, that said what I already knew. I so desperately wanted to be wrong this time. I'm not her, for you. If I was, this would be simple. It's ok I say. Just casual, I tried to remember.

I am sad. The cuddles are done, the cheeky messages, the banter. the "red wine, red light infused nights, with the undertone of yapping", is done. Just like that. The safety, the one sided feelings. Its over. Just casual.

Bit by bit, I've pulled away since hearing about Tash. Bit by bit, I've tried to pull pieces of myself back from you. I hadn't realise how much there was to pull back. And how little you had given me of you. Just casual I try to repeat to myself as I cry into my pillow, because again, I fell for the boy who can't won't, be with just me.

He'll find her. The lower maintenance one. I'll grieve a part of me I had found, and lost again. I won't see you, because the universe has a way of protecting me when I let it. And then one day. I'll be so over it. We will run into each other, and barely exchange a smile; pretend we never touched, or kissed. Never talked the way we did. We'll forget how it felt to be around each other. Just casual it was.

I'll move on when I'm ready and one day, like they all have; you'll get a random memory of me or maybe you'll see me. Maybe you'll realise what you let go, and how you could have never been the man I deserved or needed. You couldn't come close to loving me right. I'll quietly thank the universe for protecting me again, from a man who refused to even try to love me.

Just casual, you said.

L, xox.

[helianskies]

things i wish i had communicated, in one way or another, or what i wish i could say now:

you've started to value a boyfriend of 4 months over our friendship of 4 years to the point where we're on holiday but when we get back to the hotel, all you want to do is speak to him, and not me. i know you should speak with him, of course. i don't want you to ignore him. but i also don't want to stop existing the moment he's in view. i have no one else that i'm this close to. you are my best friend. and if i never let you know how important that made you, i'm sorry. but i am also so tired of this, and would truly rather endure the loneliness than the invisibility i've dealt with for 4 months. just because i could afford to go to Paris, and he couldn't.

i don't hate you, i'm just jealous of you. in years to come, i'll learn that there isn't anything to be jealous of, really. but you are cool, and i am not, and that makes me mad. i've never been that hateful towards someone i barely know. i just wish i could have controlled myself more, because even so many years on, i'm haunted by that one moment.

you two mean so much to me and you put yourselves out there. you can be so confident. you both love to sing. did you know i was in a choir too? that i sing too? that i love to sing too? that maybe, after spending an hour rehearsing a song with you in a language we barely knew before you said, actually, i think i can perform it alone, i feel that's a part of me i won't share with you again? and that when, 3.5 years later when you hear me quietly singing at a bar on the coast of Palermo, you say, you have such a great voice, you should sing more, that it doesn't kill me a little bit inside?

you annoy me so much. you do. so much about you and your family drives me insane. we have known each other for nearly twenty years and i'm amazed it's lasted. but i know i'm the issue. because i don't text, or call, or reply in the group chat. because i don't want to. i am never in the mood to. i love you in microdoses. and i am amazed you're still here. i'm amazed you haven't walked, because i know i would've done so by now. but even so, i still won't text because i love you in microdoses, remember? and i am still trying to recover from the last time.

i've said it so many times as an adult. i just wish i had the courage at fifteen to tell you what i think of you. maybe you would listen then. maybe you would understand. maybe it wouldn't take 8 years for you to finally understand what you threw away, and won't get back.

i miss you. i hope you're well. i hope you survived university. i went too, in the end. i miss talking to you. you helped me get through a tough two years and i just hope karma treated you well in turn.

i should have set some boundaries. i should have drawn some lines. there are things you've told me that i want to be able to forget. but i also want to know why you thought it was okay to tell me these things without checking if i was okay with it. if i wanted to know, or cared enough to know. because i didn't. and i still don't. and i can't forget them.

you've never seemed to like me. i don't know why. i mean, i know i've done a few things that annoy you, but you always seem so angry with me and you never confront it, or me. you just stay angry. being around you makes me feel so sick and anxious, i shut myself in my room for over 24 hours and don't come out because it is just you and me in the flat one weekend, and i am scared of facing you. and even when we cross paths in the years that follow, i still feel worried. you scare me. i will always feel sorry for the version of me that put up with you.

thank you for trying to understand me. it hasn't worked, and i think you have forgotten our talks over tea. but you've tried, and no one else has done that yet.

i hope you've been able to manage your trauma and start healing. and i'm sorry i didn't know how to help you back then. you're a good person.

i forget we were ever friends. i don't like that much. but i also have so few good memories of us that i wonder why i put up with it for as long as i did. i wonder if you still dance. i wonder if your parents ever realised the damage they did to you. and i hope you're happier now than you were as a teenager.

[yu-huuuu]

𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘴 𝘢 𝘤𝘳𝘺𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘭 𝘨𝘦𝘮 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘯𝘢𝘳𝘶𝘵𝘰 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥

[ 🌸 ] It's your fault, you put the idea in my head and I couldn't resist- Also, I really didn't know which characters to write with, so I wrote the ones that were in your tags, I hope this isn't disappointing bby u.u

characters: naruto uzumaki;;neji hyuga;;shikamaru nara;;sasuke uchiha;;kakashi hatake;;gaara

genre: fluff;;light angst in some parts...

warnings:  sweet writing that can make you sad;;mentions of deaths of various characters due to old age (also some being killed by sasuke_bad duck), reader dying once due to childbirth;;reader being an alien...;;a human and an alien together? a strange romance, but can it make you happy?, yes. but it's sweet and not a toxic romance so it's ok :D;;

enjoy <3

- - -

- - -

- - -

naruto uzumaki

- are you a what?

- A Gem? Is your body not real?? Is it an illusion of your gem?

- Wait, wha-?

- confused child confused child

- "You are from space... does it mean that there is life on other planets?!"

- he went from confused to proud

-“I can't believe it, I conquered an alien-- my partner is an alien!-” //proceeds to laugh maniacally// “I'm better than sasuke!”

- anyway

-He stopped being so happy when he knew that his life was short compared to yours

- You would see him grow old and die, it was something bittersweet for our boy

- He didn't want to leave you alone.

- But if you were sure that you still loved him despite everything, then he would accept it.

-After all, for you to hear him and feel his body next to yours while he slept was going to be enough, right? It had to be for now and until the end of the universe...

- - -

neji hyuga

- awww, my sweet and serious boy 

 - Anyway 

 -The boy was surprised, although he did not want to show it 

 - he suspected that you were going to say something like that 

- And his suspicions began when he saw your radiant gem for the first time. 

 -At first he thought it was just an accessory that you carried

- Aa~ How wrong he was 

 - "So... you come from space?". "Yes". "And... what does it look like?" 

 - He will listen to you for what seemed like minutes, when in reality it was hours 

 -He was surprised when you told him about the different and millions of galaxies that existed 

 - moving on to another topic 

 -He was a little worried when you told him about what would happen to you if you got pregnant 

 -Needless to say, his plan to have children with you was annulled (as much as it hurt him deep down) 

 -He prefers to spend his short life with you instead of "taking" your life and leaving him alone with a child 

 - If you let him stay by your side, neji will be the happiest man on the planet. That I can assure you! 

 -And even if, for you, it was only a short period of time in which you would be by his side until he died of old age. You must understand that for Neji it was always and will be more than enough to spend his whole life until his last days of living with you, lying on his soft futon, while you gently caress his previously brown hair, now gray due to at time. 

And as you tried not to cry, you gave him one last small but sad smile before he closed his tired eyes, never to open them again. 

 - maybe in another life you would find him again to love him once more

- - -

shikamaru nara

- Hey, Shikamaru is a smart boy… seriously

- But- 

- "You are too annoying, woman.", "… I'm not a woman", "Wha-?" 

- Uhhh, it happens... that he doesn't suspect anything of you 

- ... you had to explain many things to him 

- "Very well, let me see if I understood... you are not a woman but a space rock that has a life of its own and your body is not really your body but a hologram of light" //take a breath// "you are more complicated than a woman, how troublesome…” 

-Anyway, he understood what you were the first time, so yaAY 

-He loves you 

- and you love him 

- They're both troublesome and that's okay, right? 

- A problem couple :D 

-Shikamaru surely would have laughed at the way you remembered him after his death due to old age 

- Since you would always remember him as the first "problematic" human, you came to love lmao

- - -

sasuke uchiha

- he actually didn't find out why you told him, he found out because you did 'pOOF' in front of him 

 - It was an attack in fact 

 - Someone impaled you with a kunai out of nowhere and instead of blood you just went 'poOOF' 

 -He was terrified and angry, so he took out all his frustration on the bandits who hurt you 

- Poor boy 

- As he did not know what was happening, he grabbed the only thing you left behind before you vanished, and that was the precious gem that he now held in his hands. 

 - Several weeks passed, he always watched the precious stone in case there was any clue to your whereabouts, until one night the stone began to shine and well you appeared with a new set of clothes and also without any scratch on you - Which obviously puzzled Sasuke, since well... you were hurt 

 - You had to tell him, pfff 

 -Now that sasuke knows the truth, he must change his plans with you 

- He cannot have children with you, since you would abandon your life, and he does not want to "kill" you 

 -He wants to be with you until well- he dies and yes, you fulfill his wishes 

 -Unfortunately, the legacy of the uchiha clan dies along with sasuke at the end, remaining as a legend of what once was 

 - And you remained as the last being that came to be close to one 

 - In another case, if you manage to convince him that it's okay, since a part of you will become your child and that you really want to have this child with him, then He (with a lot of pain) will grant your wishes 

 - Having at the end a child half gem and half uchiha 

 - Sasuke would love his son to pieces, but even so he can't help but miss you every day, but it's what you wanted, right?, and if this was going to make you happy, then he would try to be happy too…

- - -

kakashi hatake

- Aa~, what a surprise 

- Honestly, he was surprised to learn that you were not a human 

 -Actually he found out suddenly 

 -He had taken a lot of trust in you and simply told you about his bitter past, you- deciding that it was not fair that only he told you about his origins, you told him about where you came from 

- he listened to you carefully 

- Actually, the egotistical part of him is happy that you are not going to die before him or something similar But then comes the realization that hits him in waves...you will be left alone...perhaps forever, watching the people you came to love to die of old age. 

- It was something bitter for him 

- But in any case, he would always try to be by your side until, well, he died.

- - -

gaara

- my sand boy

- Make me a sandcastle, daddy-

- Just kidding lmaoooo

- He was just surprised that you weren't a human

- But who is he to judge?

- As for having children, you can adopt and raise them as your own

- Forming a happy family!

- Although he does not live as long as you, a part of him is a little happy that you will be able to do so many things, meet and explore new things, and you will be able to take care of the plants that you planted together

- The other part of him doesn't want to leave you.

He really doesn't want to do it.

-But he knows that it is impossible to live the same time as you

- It's something bitter, I know... death will be what separates you in the end

* at first I wanted to put the reader with several of the characters when they were children and her being a mother figure... but then I realized that it would take a lot of work to do it and that few lines would not serve to tell the whole story of the characters with the reader.

* I wanted to put more drama, but I just put the important thing first mmmm

* before, it was going to be a bit more bitter, but I felt bad when I finished reading the original work that I just started from scratch (again)

* I always found the gem pregnancy in steven universe interesting... maybe that's why I mention it frequently u.u

* rose quartz it’s my favorite character uwu

Can someone make Naruto character headcanons where the reader is a crystal gem? I can’t get this concept out of my head and I WANT ITTT

[burnedbyshoto]

bakugou leaving reader for the unknown, for his dream, because where they were wasn’t good enough, it was a hindrance on his future. it wasn’t so much that he hated his hometown, the people, or even you — he loved you, after all — but he just could never keep himself tied down to the place he was trying to outgrow.

he leaves for university, in the big city, a campus that is known for making the best, creating trailblazers in every field imaginable, and when he leaves at the age of eighteen, he doesn’t come back. all he remembers is the shocked look on your face and the helpless tears streaming down your face when he broke up with you.

it’s been twelve years, and he’s thirty now. he changed his number when he got to the new city, only keeping touch with his parents out of obligation than anything else. it’s short phone calls, three minute conversations of mitsuki scolding him for not calling enough, for never visiting, masaru trying to gently express their concerns for their only son, and of course, bakugou saying he needs to leave.

his parents are strangers to him, practically, and whenever they try to speak of his past life, the one he exchanged away for the current CEO position he’s found himself in, he hangs up. he doesn’t want to hear it, he doesn’t want the bitter pit in his stomach when they even begin to speak your name.

but they haven’t mentioned you in years.

but the thing about katsuki is, unfortunately, his attitude.

thirty years old and a prominent CEO of a company no older than four years old and yet already a billionaire? practically unheard of. sure, people, normal people, praise him for it, but the board? men who used to people like katsuki don’t praise him.

they hate his harsh attitude, his ridiculous will power, and necessity to do everything, and somehow… katsuki gets put on a leave of absence for a minimum of a year.

at first, it’s fine. bakugou spends the newfound free time traveling, seeing the world, doing things he never was able to because he was building his empire. but three months of nothing leads him to grow restless, bored, and the worst feeling in the world crawls into the pit of his stomach and he realizes in month number five what it is.

for the first time in his life, bakugou katsuki is: homesick.

so he goes home, trading the concrete jungle and modern technology for dirt roads and rusting machines. it’s just for a moment, he says as he sees the life he left behind ages ago.

it’s much slower in his hometown, people much more open and conversing with one another instead of cellphones like he’s grown used to. he isn’t quite ready to knock on his mother’s front door so he goes to the general store and walks straight to where he just knows his past time favorite snacks are.

to his total surprise (notice the sarcasm?) it’s right where he remembered it was through the cobwebs of his memory. there’s one bag of spicy corn chips left and as he reached for it, another hand goes for it too.

he freezes for a bit, eyebrows furrowing as he looks at the person who’s hand is connected to the bag of chips he wants.

but he stops breathing for just a moment.

it’s a young girl, most definitely no older than twelve, with your face. it’s exactly the same. but unlike you, the girl had ash blonde hair and deep red eyes.

the girl blinks eyes looking taken back and slightly lost, as does bakugou, and then as if finally caught up on the situation of things, she scowls.

“hands off the chips, old man! I got here first!”

the magic is gone and bakugou feels his eye twitch as he reels backward.

“what the hell did you just say to—?!”

“I said hands off! arent you too old to be eating chips anyways?! you’re practically a million years old, eat the lame corn nuts or something,” she scoffs rolling her eyes as she tucks the bag of chips under her arm.

“aren’t you some shitty little brat!” bakugou hisses, his hand twitching with irritation. “don’t you know to respect your fucking elders.”

“ain’t nothing to respect from what I can tell!”

“aiko, hurry up,” a voice bemoans from behind the aisle and bakugou feels his chest constrict in the weirdest, most heart aching way as you walk around the corner with an armful of party supplies. “we have to get to your grand—”

bakugou stares at you, and you at him. the tension and silence so thick and heavy on the both of your shoulders and tongues.

in the twelve years he’s been away, bakugou has had other relationships. most of them due mostly to friends insistence, and others mostly just because he wanted a warm body nearby. but no one could ever match what you meant to him, not that he could have realized that because he could never think back to you. you were his past, not his present, not his future.

and bakugou was suddenly feeling a lot of things, thinking a lot of things as he looked between you and well… aiko.

“y/n,” bakugou’s voice is hollow, almost unbelievable. “i-is she — are we—?”

“this is my daughter, y/l/n aiko,” you say, steely calm and dangerous. the warm smile you were wearing moments ago clean off your face and your eyes were like glass — shiny, unemotional. “she was born after you left, so you never got a chance to meet her, did you?”

“y/n—“

“y/l/n!” you snap, face still void of emotions. “you don’t have that right anymore.”

bakugou stiffens for a moment, but he knows that you’re right. “y/l/n,” he tries again, your last name a word he’s never had to use in his entire life to address you. “how old is she?”

“mama,” aiko whispers, eyes glaring at bakugou as she stand protectively in front of you, fingers digging into your blouse. “I wanna go now.”

your eyes drop from bakugou, and he watches as a strained but kind smile is expressed to aiko as you press a kiss to her forehead. “okay, go pay for these things for me, will ya? tell tayo-sama we’ll pay him back tomorrow. i’m going to finish this conversation with… with my old classmate.”

aiko looks between you and bakugou, eyebrows furrowed with unsaid questions but she nods, grabbing the things from your arms and going to the cash register. bakugou keeps his gaze on the young girl until your fingers dig into his bicep and your pulling him into a corner that he had definitely made out with you in ages, lifetimes ago.

“what are you doing here?!” you hiss in a near terrible whisper, face frazzled and overwhelmed. “you’ve never been back home! what’s different?!”

“is she mine?!”

“no!” you shriek, fist hitting his chest. “she’s not yours! she’s mine! she’s not some claimable object you get to collect years later!”

bakugou stiffens but also feels like he melts with guilt under those words… youre right. he has no claim to her. all he did was give her life but it was a life where he was probably nothing more than an empty space in. but he looks at you, millions of emotions swimming through your watery eyes, and the snarl on your lips as you stand before him as if you could do anything.

“i’m… i’m sorry, you’re right,” bakugou says, lips pressing into a thin line.

“you shouldn’t have come back,” you laugh miserably, fingers massaging your temples. your tone is weak, defeated, as if for the first time in your life you felt the bottom of the pit. “why did you come back home?”

“mama!!!! let’s go already!!!” aiko whines by the entrance and you tremble in front of him before shaking your head.

“coming!” you call back to her.

bakugou steals another look at what is his daughter. a girl he never knew existed.

“do me a favor, bakugou,” you say passing him with small but domineering steps. “don’t do anything to make her suspect youre her father.”

it took a few hours, probably more, maybe less, but bakugou finally finds himself at his childhood home. he’s heart feeling like it was being swallowed as the front door opened and he saw his older mother and father standing at the entrance. bakugou couldn’t understand what they were saying as they welcomed him in, he could only notice how their home looked exactly the same… well except that the walls that were decorated with photos of him and only him were also covered with pictures of aiko.

“did you know?” bakugou asks before he can even say hello.

mitsuki stopped mid rant, her face moving from irritated mother to exasperated but pitiful silence.

“since she found out.”

“why didn’t you… why didn’t I know?”

“she tried telling you, called you multiple times only to be blocked,” masaru gently explains. “you always shut us down when we so much as mentioned her.”

“she even flew out there at one point but caught you making out with some dumb model too.” mitsuki inserts with a huff. “we tried, brat. you just…”

bakugou is silent, his heartbeat roaring in his ears at the thought of his initial monstrous attempt of deleting his past life. mitsuki sighs, sad and sullen.

“there was no point in telling you when you won’t listen.”

or the story of a one sided bitter ex as bakugou and reader are challenged at creating some semblance of a relationship because aiko pieces it together the moment they looked at each other. including a lot of angst, a six month time limit to rekindle a once in a lifetime love story because choosing between family and work is damn hard.

[writemekpop]

Bad Romance (Part 1) | Lee Taeyong

Pairing: Lee Taeyong x Reader

Summary: Your boyfriend Taeyong wants to fuck you, but you're not ready...

Genre: Angst, Smut, College AU 

Word Count: 1.8k

Warning: Sexual Content, Toxic relationship 

Part 1 ⭐️| Part 2

Taeyong’s breaths were deafening in your ear. Couldn’t he try to control himself? For discretion, at least. You imagined every ear in your university dorm pricking up. Snickering. “I wonder what they’re up to.” 

Taeyong kissed you again, his hot lips colliding with yours.

His hand, ever so slightly rough, pushed up your shirt, sending goosebumps up your ribs. A moan sounded, deep in your throat, and Taeyong groaned in satisfaction. 

You felt instantly guilty. You’d told yourself your ancestors wouldn’t mind if you did this for him. But you’d promised not to enjoy it. 

Taeyong knotted one hand in your hair. You felt the other one slide up to your back to unclasp your bra. His hand dwarfed your back, sending sparks rippling up your shoulder blades. 

“Are you okay with this?” he murmured, voice husky. You nodded. It was a lie.

The truth was, you’d never had sex before. You’d barely even kissed a boy. 

When all your college friends were in the basement snogging boys, you would hover by the doorway, holding their drinks. When they began to tease you, you just pretended you couldn’t hear them. 

Even when everyone started saying you ‘batted for the other team’, it just felt like a relief. Maybe they’d finally leave you alone. 

You were a feminist. You fully believed that women weren’t shiny, unwrapped presents that had to be protected for marriage. But you were also a fake. 

Because the idea of sleeping with a stranger still made you feel sick inside. 

Well, Taeyong wasn’t a stranger; he was your boyfriend. So, you would just have to grit your teeth and get on with it. 

Taeyong’s hand slid down between you. You squeezed your eyes shut. It would be over in a minute; that’s what your friends were always joking about, right? 

Then, you heard the unmistakeable clink of his belt buckle. Suddenly, that was the most terrifying sound you’d ever heard.  

“W-wait,” you croaked. 

You clung onto Taeyong’s firm wrist. 

He was breathing hard, his pulse pounding under his papery-thin skin. You were sat on his lap – so you could feel how ready he was, and it frightened you. 

He would hate you for what you were about to say, you knew that. 

“I can’t. I’m sorry.” 

You rolled away from him, pulling your knees up and hugging them. Burying your wet eyes in your knees, you waited for Taeyong to leave. 

But you didn’t feel him get off the bed. 

Instead, there was absolute silence. A shiver ran down your spine. 

Then, his muscled arms were wrapping around you. Taeyong eased you till you were lying on the bed – fear closed in your throat – but he wasn’t trying to have sex with you. Instead, he helped you pull your T-shirt back on, and guided you so your head was resting on his chest.

You felt his thundering heartbeat slow to a steady, comforting pulse.

Taeyong pressed a kiss on your temple. For a second, your stomach curled; it was so fatherly. You mentally scolded yourself. Taeyong wasn’t like other guys. He was caring, and sensitive, and you should be grateful.  

“If you wanna go slow, let’s go slow. You’ll always be my girl,” Taeyong whispered.

So, you pushed down the niggling feeling that ‘always’ had an expiry date. It was time you learnt to trust someone, and Taeyong was the perfect person to let in.

---

Over the next few months, you tried your best to forget about that night. And it was easy enough – Taeyong was electrifying. 

You’d never met a man who could tell a Basquiat from a Banksy and didn’t even show off about it. 

Each night, after lectures, you’d sneak off to some gallery late opening, and take photos of each other for Instagram. 

Or, you’d just snuggle up in his dorm room and listen to him telling you all about his Art History course, or his dreams of starting his own gallery. 

You rarely spoke. You preferred to soak in his world, like a cat curled in the sun. And let’s face it – who wanted to talk about Maths, anyway? 

Taeyong was like a shooting star: totally uncontrollable, impossible to understand, yet hopelessly fascinating. You couldn’t believe why someone like him seemed to find you interesting. Or at least, worth spending every day with.  

---

The second time Taeyong scared you was a Saturday.

You were sitting in his lap, poring over one of his Art History books. Other than toying with a curl of your hair, or pressing a kiss to your shoulder, Taeyong was totally still.  

Sighing with pleasure, you flicked through the glossy pages – for the hundredth time. No wonder Taeyong would always say: If I wasn’t rubbish at Maths, we should’ve swapped courses.

Just then, you prised open a page you hadn’t seen before. You frowned. 

It was a scan of an old Japanese painting. In it, a wealthy couple were captured in a furious argument with a young woman, carrying a baby. It was entitled ‘Outside Wife’. 

You turned to Taeyong, finger on the title. “What’s that?” 

Taeyong lifted the book from your hands, then grinned. “It’s when a noble couple are forced to get married, but the man has another wife to, you know, satisfy his needs.” Taeyong chuckled dryly. “Unfortunately, that system isn’t available anymore.” 

You began to chuckle too… then your smile melted from your face. “What do you mean, unfortunately?” Goosebumps rippled over your skin. 

“Ah… it was just a joke. You know, we’re not exactly getting any.” Taeyong’s body still felt relaxed under you, but your muscles were tensing. 

“I thought you said you wanted to go slow…” you mumbled. 

Of course. You should’ve seen this coming. 

There was only so long a person could go without their needs fulfilled. And here you were, dragging your boyfriend down while he could sleep with any normal girl whenever he wanted. 

“I’m not ready yet, Taeyong.” You picked at the frayed wool of your jumper. 

Your throat closed as you prepared for what you would say next. “If you… need to sleep with someone else, I won’t blame you,” you whispered. Stupid, babyish tears were filling your eyes already. 

“Babe – it was just a joke! No need to get your knickers in a twist.” Taeyong laughed, and kissed your neck. 

When you still didn’t make a sound a moment later, Taeyong turned you around on his lap so you were facing him. Tears streaked freely down your cheeks – you couldn’t hide them. 

“Oh, baby….” Soft as a whisper, Taeyong placed his palm on your cheek and smoothed away the tears with his thumb. “I don’t care about your… problem. You’re my girlfriend, and what’s good enough for you’s good enough for me.” 

A small part of you hurt at the way he said problem, but you pushed that part away. You allowed him a small smile. 

Laughing, Taeyong pulled you into a bear hug. You’d never gripped his shoulder so tight. You were so lucky to have him. 

----

A few weeks later, Taeyong finally convinced you to accompany him to a house party. You knew what this meant. You’d been dating for four months – this was the ‘meeting his friends’ moment. 

All the time you were getting ready, your stomach had transformed into a pit of snakes. Excitement, anxiety, fear – they all wriggled and knotted about inside you. 

You chose a midnight-blue playsuit, in a glimmering velvet. When Taeyong pointed it out to you in the shop, you knew this what you’d be wearing. 

To be honest, you hated Taeyong’s friends. You were pretty sure Taeil had tried to sneak vodka into your coke, and Mark did nothing but yap on endlessly about his girlfriend in Canada. You were almost 100% sure she didn’t exist. 

But as soon as Taeyong’s mahogany eyes met yours across in the heaving living room, all your worries melted away like snow. All he had to do was raise one deep eyebrow, or pull his plump lips into a silly face, and you’d burst out laughing. 

Except, as the hours drew by, you realised you hadn’t seen Taeyong in a while. You were perched on the stairs, shivering next to everyone who was too zoned out to take part. 

“Taeyong?” 

Tip-toeing, you climbed up the stairs, calling his name. You pushed open each of the doors in the hallway, peeking through your fingers just in case anything funny was going on. 

But they were all empty. 

Just as you turned around to go back downstairs, you heard voices coming from the attic. Gingerly, you sneaked up. They grew louder, more defined. 

Pushing open the door just a crack, you heard:

“Really? My god.” 

Your heart jumped. You knew that rich, resounding tone better than your own voice. It was Taeyong. 

You considered climbing up to join them. But then, you heard something that stopped you in your tracks. 

“And the worst thing is, Irene thinks she’s some kind of sex goddess, but actually she’s awful. She just lies there like a limp doll, expecting me to do everything.” It was Doyoung speaking. 

There was a pause as they all laughed. 

Your heart was already twisting. Something about his tone felt… wrong. Like his girlfriend wouldn’t appreciate what he was saying. 

Then, you heard Taeyong say, “Mate, at least your girlfriend’s fucking you, even if she is awful at it. I haven’t got any for months!” 

Everyone in the group exclaimed in disbelief. You forgot how to breathe. 

“Yeah – I know. Y/n thinks she’s some kind of saint for “waiting for the perfect moment”. I mean, a guy’s got needs!” Taeyong’s voice was low, but to you he could have been screaming. 

Black spots were engulfing your vision. Gulping, you staggered backwards, out of the door. You didn’t want to hear what you heard next. You really didn’t want to.  

But you couldn’t help it. Not when Taeyong said, “You know, I don’t even feel bad about fucking Joy. I mean, I had no choice. If Y/n wasn’t so frigid, I wouldn’t need to. It’s her fault really.” 

That was it. 

You sprinted away. Pushing through the line of partygoers waiting to use the bathroom, you locked yourself inside.

Then, you curled up on the toilet seat and sobbed. 

It had finally happened. 

Your gorgeous boyfriend had finally realised that he was miles out of your league. He didn’t deserve the defect. He didn’t deserve the fake feminist who was too ashamed to admit how sexist she really was. 

Then, a thought entered your mind that make you perk up. 

Maybe you could pretend you’d never overheard Taeyong. Maybe you could go back to how you were before… Or maybe you could sleep with him and make him forget about all other girls. 

After all, you’d do anything to keep him. 

Anything.  

Read Part 2 here.

---

MASTERLIST

[lyraeon]

I didn't put it in the original post because I was focused on things I did as an adult, after I already had agency and freedom to some extent.

But I know some of you are still 15, so even though it's been 20 years and 2002 was a very different time:

at 15 I was a sophomore high schooler at a very extracurricular-focused, homework heavy public high school, following spending K-3 homeschooled and 4-8 at a magnet school for Gifted Kids™. I couldn't get myself to do my homework or any projects, unless I could do them in class while the teacher was talking, and I never understood why. I'd gotten away with it before high school but 100%s on tests couldn't offset grades there, so I was spiraling into a worse and worse depression because I had no metric to measure myself on besides my grades and CLEARLY my family was right and I was just lazy and defiant and didn't want to do the homework and I was just making up the whole "I keep forgetting" and "I sit there and stare at it for hours but can't make myself do it" things. I was eternally grounded for my grades and "laziness", and my folks blamed my internet friends and the fact I stopped going to church for my bad attitude and depression (which I Totally Didn't Have Because You Have A Perfect Life With A Great Family And How Could You Be So Ungrateful And Make Us Look Bad By Pretending To Be Sad All The Time?)

Despite all this I still bought in to all my folks' racism and Bush loving bullshit (the defense was, "it wasn't that we hated ALL minorities! just the lazy ones! and it's their fault racism exists because they're making the whole group look bad!" and if that kind of argument feels at all defenseable to you please snap out of it) and earnestly believed being gay was just something perverts did and so all gay people should be in jail (and in my brainwashed mind, were, because all criminals were instantly caught and punished as far as I'd been taught - which we were largely taught to keep us scared of making even tiny mistakes). I defended having black and Muslim friends to my family as them being Some Of The Good Ones™ and only finally started to realize shit was fucked up when my grandfather banned me from visiting his house for dating a black guy (and did so in terms that even my folks knew were godawful slurs, but He's Old, Times Were Different, so I was just Supposed To Accept It.)

When you're young, you don't know what you don't know. You know what you have access to, are taught, and are shown. It would be nice if we all just instinctively knew what things are good and bad, or if we learned the truth on first exposure, but when you've heard the same rhetoric day in and day out your whole life you have no reason to question it until you're given one.

My friends had already tried telling me how racist I was and my response was that they didn't understand, I didn't hate all minorities, I just hated lazy and entitled people, and most minorities just happened to be lazy and entitled! and it was those people's fault for making the whole group look bad! not to mention systemic problems didn't exist and equality was definitely real and She Shouldn't Have Dressed Like That and all the other crap. It was all very, very well ingrained in there, and a huge part of it was that I had been made to feel like I was an awful person who barely deserved to exist because of how lazy and entitled I supposedly was (at 15! though a lot of this was ingrained much younger), so I really believed that one of the Truths of the universe was that laziness was a horrible sin and anyone who defended it was evil. Even after I finally got it through my skull that racism still existed and was still VERY prevalent, it was several more years before I snapped out of "well if the lazy people would just stop making them look bad".

(If it sounds like a lot of that's also ingrained self-hatred from the repeatedly diagnosed but ignored by my folks undiagnosed ADHD, you're absolutely right, and that's part of why I say a lot of hateful people are just resentful that others aren't holding themselves to the same impossible standards they hold themselves to [nevermind if they actually meet them or not] and that getting them to un-internalize those things will help snap them out of hating others.)

Same with "the gays". I went through so many stages - and the first stage was actually making up an all-girl alien race in 5th grade that didn't need icky boys and that reproduced by fusing eggs together, then getting chewed out by the girl scout troop leader for joking about homosexuality in front of her daughter, which is how I found out that being gay is even an actual thing not something I'd have to be an alien to be AND that being gay was supposedly a sin and illegal on the same day. It took no time at all for me to be all in on praying for those poor poor people who had been lead astray and given in to their perverted temptations, in hopes God would help them find their way and repent. I also decided I definitely had a crush on my best guy friend cuz clearly boys and girls can't just be friends either so it HAD to be a crush, right? (that one actually might have been, but then he moved away and man, the guy I obsessively pretended to like in 6th grade after that and I had a hilarious talk at 31 because he's now gay and an underwear model and he apparently never said anything negative about my awkward "crush" because he already knew he was gay and it made for a nice cover).

That carried on for years. At 16, my best friend came out to me in a crying fit, promising to me that she wasn't actually gay, she just really loved our one friend that much and surely that had to be ok as long as they never had sex because God doesn't make mistakes and wouldn't have made her be in love with a girl if that was actually Bad, right? My boyfriend at the time (who wouldn't officially come out as bi until his spouse came out as trans 10+ years later) told me he'd probably kiss a guy if he were cute enough, but he'd definitely never do it because we were gonna get married and have 3 kids and 2 dogs by the time we were 25, even though kissing a guy wouldn't really be cheating because well it's not like it'd be romantic cuz that'd be gay lmao. I made only three friends at college - one was a fairly open Two-Spirit person (my first real encounter with anyone trans-identifying, and at the time my brain did mental gymnastics to say that it was ok because she was Native American and their culture was different), one I was on tenuous terms with because she was a stoner, but also the only other gamer in the building, so I dealt with it, and she came out as bi within a couple months. The third was ace - a concept we didn't have a word for yet but somehow still understood and accepted as something Weird But Yeah It Makes Sense. By the end of the year I had started to suspect I liked girls but was fully convinced I was just playing up noticing how pretty they were in order to "fit in" better with my gay friends.

Part of why I stopped talking to my family for a while is because they banned me from being left alone with any minors in the family after I came out as bi at 19. I liked women, so in my family's mind that included even little kids and I was now a danger. I was so livid that I cut them off as much as I could.

Ironically I might have snapped out of a lot of the rest sooner if I hadn't cut them off, because being exposed to the juxtaposition of their bigoted views and emotional abuse vs the way the world actually was is what snapped me out of the first few things and made me start questioning the rest.

My point on all this is, again: people change and grow, and people don't know what they don't know. That doesn't mean you have to indulge every time someone asks for information (especially since sea lions exist) or go out of your way to explain things to people, but it does mean that things aren't as simple as "if you have ever said a homophobic thing you are awful forever", especially when those things are said while you're still under direct influence of your family and haven't had a chance to experience the world without their filter on it yet.

Basically, someone who's 80 and still uses the N-word has had plenty of time to be exposed to the world at large and know that's bigoted and has actively decided they don't care (or even are happy about it) and want to be seen that way. But someone who's still in high school and doing it may just not have exposure to anything they trusted and said different yet. That doesn't make them your responsibility nor mean you have to tolerate it, but it does mean dismissing them as lost causes or deliberately hateful may be missing the chance to snap them out of it and make the world a little less hateful, and if you are someone with the time, resources, and knowledge to educate them, it may be worth speaking up.

And I know I'm forever grateful to the people who took that time with me, and who saw that I wanted to be a good person but had been raised to think the bad things I was doing were good, and decided I was worth prying out of that. But I'm also forever indebted to them for putting up with my bullshit before then and for spending that effort, and I still wish I could undo the damage I did while I thought that way.

What it means above all is to constantly be curious about new things and look into them deeper. It's easy to fear or hate things you don't understand and to blindly believe the people you trust because they've raised and/or supported you. It's hard to ask extra questions, dig deeper, and to face the fact you were wrong about something - but it's worth it.

And if the people you spend time with make you afraid to admit you were wrong or to suggest they might be - not "I might have to explain things or get disagreed with" afraid but "I will get yelled at, ostracized, or worse for questioning anything or for admitting I made a mistake" afraid? You might need some different people to hang out with.

at 20 I thought I was faking my depression and was "bad at life" and lazy like my family said. I still earnestly believed I was entirely straight and everyone knew girls are just nicer to look at. I still had a ton of ingrained racism and other bigotry from my Bush-worshipping family. My main dream of being an astronaut had been smashed by my anxiety and health problems, so I was trying to study Japanese because like every other weeb I thought I'd fit in better over there (lol), but I'd already flunked out of one college and been forced to quit another to get a second job. I was overdrawn constantly and often buying gas station gift cards at the grocery store so I'd only take one overdraft fee. I was dating someone horribly controlling who eventually earned the title "evil ex", dialed up my eating disorder, and traumatized me out of writing for 2+ years. I had several roommates because we all considered having the funds to go to anime conventions more important than personal space (and because back then we already thought $600/month was expensive). I spent any other free time half asleep at a friend's house cuz there I could play games and watch Intent videos. Half my meals came free from work, the rest were hacked together from stuff that worked out to $1/serving or so. The power or internet got turned off at least twice a year from non-payment.

at 25 I thought I was too depressed to deserve burdening others with my presence or existence. that I was a burden and purposeful downer and nothing would ever get better. I was still dealing with a ton of internalized transphobia, racism, and other bigotry that I had been taught was Just The Truth and still occasionally fall into. I was massively straight edge against weed and anything else (threatened to call cops on close friends) while also being a half bottle of vodka a day alcoholic just to get my brain to shut up enough to let me write or sleep. I didn't know how to have fun without alcohol, if at all. I had lost my ability to draw when I severely injured my wrist while i had no insurance. I tried going back to school, first for architecture then teaching, and flunked/dropped out of both. I was losing jobs every 6~8 months from being chronically late and being sick constantly. I manged to lose one on my birthday and wound up having to make some other tough choices because of it. I had only just reached the point where being overdrawn was a rare thing and I wasn't buying single gallons of gas with tip money. food was still often just ramen but I no longer had days where I didn't know if I'd get to eat, though I was often dependent on my then-bf. I had multiple teeth rotting and couldn't afford any treatment besides getting them pulled, and often not until they'd become infected.

by 30 I was finally on antidepressants and in therapy. I was on the road to physical therapy for shoulder and wrist injuries that had happened years earlier. I was pretty happy in my relationship. I held down one job for almost 3 years straight after getting medicated, then turned around and flunked/dropped out of college for the 5th time (Physics this time) because I was too anxious to take public transit reliably and STILL couldn't do homework anywhere but in class, so most projects never got done. I'd stopped being able to write (and am still running from the possibility my meds Took That from me because it doesn't come back if I stop them). Food had become a different struggle - I no longer had time, physical health, or executive function to cook reliably so I was spending too much on take out and causing wild fluctuations in my weight. I was hiding my eating disorder from my partner and my friends. I had begrudgingly un-estranged myself from my family to support younger cousins as they came out as queer. I had developed a healthier relationship with alcohol. I had accepted that, outside of addiction, drugs are a bodily autonomy thing and stopped being an ass to people about them. I had finally learned some damn etiquette around things like not accidentally outing people. I started streaming and making videos - stuff I had dreamed of since first watching Dead Fantasy and Red vs Blue and Weeblstuff in high school but had thought impossible after I lost the ability to draw.

I'm currently 35. This year I am living on my own for the first time (aside from 5 failed months at 18). I got divorced - a complicated, regretful process that was ultimately for the best but I could and should have handled better (and sooner). I've been in physical therapy long enough that I'm able to use chopsticks properly again and am thinking of trying to relearn drawing. It's also meant I can do the dishes and wash my hair on my own again, most days, so I'm relearning how to cook consistently. I'm reading (listening to) books again. I'm on year 8 of antidepressants and currently working with my doctor to fine tune what I'm on (and finally have a system to take them consistently). I've been diagnosed with ADHD and figured out I might also be autistic, and a lot of things in my life make way more sense when viewed through that context. I have appointments to get evaluated for ADHD meds, autism, shoulder surgery/other "PT isn't enough" treatments, teeth implants, and new glasses. my clothes have been put away 3 of the last 5 times I did laundry and I've learned that if I only own one dishwasher worth of dishes, the sink can't pile up. I've fully embraced that I'm polyamorous, pansexual, and demiromantic, and that I can be cis while also being "gender agnostic" - none of it really matters or processes to me, but I get that it does to others so I respect it. I'm seeing someone who makes me feel like I can do anything, is inspiringly ambitious themself, and is equally polyam, meaning I might also be asking out a cute girl soon and don't know where board game nights with the nice throuple I met might go. I'm having to do odd jobs and accept help from my dad to make ends meet, but I'm arguably a full time content creator now - something I literally didn't even let myself dream about when I was younger because it felt impossible, but which is fully worth the complications and budget crunching because it's so accommodating to my disabilities and uses so many of my talents. I'm still depressed, but I have hope that ADHD treatment will help cut through the remainder. Most days I just have hope, period. And more days than not, I'm genuinely happy for at least a while.

You'll find yourself.

It might take a while. There will be detours, mistakes, pain, tough choices, and a lot of hard work. But there will also be unexpected joys and more possibilities than you ever imagined.

Someday, you'll find yourself.

And when you do, it will be worth the wait, I promise.