#that sucks like i dont want to be either of those things bc i wouldnt be good at them but like maybe i wanna try once just for shits. yk.

[swallowtail-ageha]

Thing about small italian villages is that the didnt really have roads up until the 70's which of course leads to a massive amount of cousin marriage and inbreeding and while yes my particular own has its issues regarding that (3 major families (one of whom i am part of!!! Yay!!!) that all of the other families are related to, everyone there has bone/joint problems or some sort of schizofrenia) the neighboring one is worse as in they have one major family and the rest of the inhabitants are ppl who immigrated to have a quiet life in the mountain slopes and that by itself could be an extremely interesting study bcs everyone there kinda looks the same-ish and has a frankly insane amount of people with developmental disabilities for a population this small

[nomaishuttle]

basically i think. and this isnt rly the 1930s its earlier probably but also still kinda. i think when god was coding my little brain or whatever he was like yeahhh this one will do really well in a time period where she can just lie and make up elaborate backstories and then completely disappear out of the blue to move on to a different life. shes going to have a really good time with that. and then he put me in a fucking surveillance state

[mangalho]

Ex-warbot OC

They don’t have names yet.

The two bots with the scary faces were specifically made for war, and now that it’s over, they still maintained their original ‘warface’ even though it has stigma associated to it. Many robots changed their faceplates post-war, as it made it easier to find jobs and not get into unnecessary conflict.

The sleeker looking guy used to be in their company, though he wasn’t made in the same factory as them; he isn’t their ’batch-mate’.

After the war he completely modified his frame, and now has an idol career. He desperately wats to erase his past, as people (and robots alike) will respond better to a ‘new’ and untainted idol.

The two warface bots are “brother and sister” and they do odd jobs here and there to make ends meet and to be able to afford things they want. Rich people hire them as bouncers a lot since they are a symbol of terrible times. Sometimes they earn 15k in one night for just one gig it’s crazy. They both really love clothes since it distances them from their body’s original purpose while simultaneously not erasing their past. Also they look cute and cool!

The idol bot once meets the warfaces by chance in the street and pretends he doesn’t know them AGAHAKALAK I think he’s insane… completely erasing your past and the person you were is psychopathic to me idk. Anyway

There arent a lot of warfaces going around anymore. since they either died during the war or changed their frames. Pre-war bots were re-fitted during the conflicts and just had to go back to their former unweaponized frames after it was all over so they’re fine.  All of these robots can download information and i want that type of learning to mostly disappear if its deleted, but if they learn things like we do or experience real events, those memories and skills can’t really truly be erased; if they do try erasing them, they will still remember them, just not with HD video clarity, which brings them immense suffering sometimes. “How to people live like this?!” Well buddy it sucks idk we all cope

Newly minted robots are wack because they don’t exactly have a ‘soul’ yet they just do things they’re supposed to do, but after some time, all of them actually develop real awareness and shit… my war bots had like a 78% chance of dying everyday when they were activated, but they survived and attained sentience at like one year post birth and they wised up rly fast after that. They remember their first year, but they describe it as a ‘weird haze’

These robots feel pain so they wont like dive into a hole or damage themselves too much. Self preservation means longer-lived machines which means less repair costs and less human lives on the line as well.. slay !!!

While the conflicts went on, most robots achieved sentience and decided to stop fighting so there was like a robots rights movement and eventually the war stopped altogether and now the robots have a salary and a normal life mostly. They arent organics, so they need other things. They are solar powered and need oil sometimes and also they need new nanomachines once in a while like we need vaccines. Get your boosters… its not just tetanus and coronavirus anymore now they gotta think about like..the trojan horse 9000

I want them to have this aversion to organic things dying bc they are universally gross. Like they dont like seeing living-machines die either but a rat being squished by a car is also gross!

There are probably some tensions between humans and robots but like i kinda get it bc i wouldnt mess with a guy who has like lead pipes for arms. also most robots ARE normal but some are insane idk 🙆‍♀️🤷‍♀️ just  like people are.

 mine are normal tho they’re just vibing 💖🗣🤙

[crushedsweets]

I would like to ask if the creepypastas know what happened to each other? Like do Tim and Brian know what happened in Toby’s and Kate’s childhood/past? And if they do know how did they find out?

some do!! this kinda half-assed answers your question cuz i included all 16, so its kinda difficult to cover everyone neatly!

for kate... i dont think anyone but toby and MAYBE clocky/nina would know what happened to her. she doesnt want to talk about it at all, and toby would only find out by connecting the dots of random stuff shes said.

i think toby is pretty open about what happened to him. he'd be very quick to make jokes or casually be like "yea i got the shit bullied out of me". so people are familiar, HOWEVER i dont think a lot of them really understand how bad it was for him bc hes so casual with it. i think tim and brian probably caught toby losing him mind, having nightmares, screaming and he'd be like "you dont get it you dont fucking know the shit that happened to me" etc etc. with clocky or kate or EJ, he'd be SLIGHTLY more vulnerable. tell them about lyra and connie, but he's just uncomfortable with that stuff

tim wouldnt really want to talk about his childhood or everything he lost either. i think he'd only bring it up with toby in the event that toby needed comfort, or something to ground/relate to (i.e hospital visits, schizophrenia, loss) OR if someone implies tim has it better than them. then he's like WHAT the fuck do you think you know about me. otherwise he rather not.

brian is pretty similar. he just doesnt wanna talk about it. brushes things off pretty easily, tries to joke about it, or he says something like "it sucked but im here now. gotta keep pushing, why dwell". . .

clockwork keeps that shit to her chest. the most she'd bring up is like "yea i grew up poor, dad was a nutcase, i dont wanna talk about my brother" or implying other people have it easier than she did (which is true 90% of the time. she had it rough). i think only toby and nina would get a better idea of what really happened to her, but she just doesnt like to think about it. itd be a similar case where they catch her having a panic attack or nightmare and she chokes something out .

nina spills everything she doesnt really care. she likes to talk and share and spill her guts, so everyone is pretty familiar with all her ex boyfriends, workaholic parents, getting bullied, whatever. shes a bit more hesitant to bring up certain things that SHE'S done (cheating, cyberstalking, self harm, etc) but she'll happily share times she was a victim to others

EJ would share about his family very freely, and i think if someone asked, he'd tell them about jenny. so i guess it just depends on who cares to ask ? toby, clocky, maybe tim/brian would. jeff and ben might ask like "hey why are you ugly now" and he would not tell them . cuz he needs whoever he tells to ask genuinely and treat it seriously

similar to nina, jeff just yaps and yaps and goes off about how hard he had it (completely warping the story and lying half the time). so he'll just bring it up to brag or compare or compete or prove a point, but its never done very.. vulnerably?

ben doesnt talk about any of it. most of the group knows, because his case (yk, 13 yr old boy kidnapped and murdered amongst several other young teens..) got really big and everyone kinda talked about it without him. he doesnt want pity or to think about it. he'd only bring it up with sally, i think, cuz he feels a bit more seen by her

sally would only tell jane and clocky. i genuinely cant see a reason she'd ever bring it up to anyone else, and those two are the only ones she'd trust (and mary but marys not that big in my au)

jane tells people pretty openly, because she was a victim of jeffs stalking. she tries to make her story more...inspirational? because after all her pain and loss, she still went to law school and all of that. or if someone tries to diminish her pain, she'd be like 'watch your mouth.' i think she'd tell nina and liu. for nina, it'd be like "you dont even care do you? you still love that man after everything? how can you look me in the eye, knowing all he's done, and tell me you idolize him?" and for liu it would be more about like. closure maybe? part of her resents liu even though it was NOT his fault whatsoever and he's also a victim, but shes mature enough to try and navigate the trauma WITH him despire her pain

for liu its kinda similar, but nothing is inspirational. he would tell people because for him, its how he connects to people. connecting on trauma, even if its not the healthiest way. . . if someone asks, he tells them. its kinda sad the way he talks about jeff though. 'i just miss pushing my little brother on the swing'

dina screams and screams at everyone about "YOU DONT KNOW WHAT IVE LOST" because she was held in such a idolized position in her cult. she hates lazari and she blames everyone else because she thinks they have something to do with the devil(zalgo) and thats why god doesnt want her anymore.

lazari would cry to EJ about her nightmares of her mom, but i dont think she'd talk about it with others. it just makes her sad. maybe she'd tell jeff cuz he'd be asking and then He'd belike oh. jeez. ok. LOL. that sucks.

lulu doesnt really remember what happens to her, but everyone has an idea. she mumbles about hazing, how cold the water is, how she doesnt wanna drink again, how the sorority girls are so mean, she just wants to go back to her dorm, whatever. but its just because shes so lost in her mind

ann is more like ... sassy . brags about her redroom business and whatnot, complains about the man who killed her, gets all sultry about kate saving her from her big bad killer, whatever. but she doesnt talk about her family or how she was a femcel neet.

[ganondoodle]

okay more elden ring DLC spoilers below the read more

what fucks me up the most is ....... that we never actually get to meet the real actual Radahn, hes either a rotting zombie or some constructed meat puppet with a manipulated soul of his

the most we know is from the base game stuff, his men and everything, but we never get to meet him- and now ... it undermines the whole festival, i felt like it was sorrowful goodbye and attempt to grant him an honorable death- that made me fall for him in the end, the lore around that and the whole build up and vibe of it, it felt so genuine but now you cant feel that, bc you know .... either way he will be suffering, let him rot for all eternity being a threat to friend and foe alike, as this mindless monster chowing away at corpses like a beast when he used to be a powerful respected general

or kill him but instead of giving him the death he wanted his soul is instead grafted into a meat puppet by his half brother so he can be controlled and made to agree to marry him despite rejecting it in life (as far as i understood it, he definitely did reject it though bc otherwise malenia wouldnt have tried to assassinate him to get him delivered over)-

so theres no good answer and im left wondering, did his men know of that? im gonna guess no, bc the whole point of the festival was to bring him HONOR when there was nothing of his honor left, of him left, and theres no honor in being turned into a literal marionette for your half brothers sick play

you could call it tragic, and it is, but it feels so much more ..... like just wanting to violate him even in death, just because he hasnt suffered enough, lets make it even more horrible just for sufferings sake (like i get it, i like when my favs also get to suffer, what happened to him in the base game was a part of why i love him so much- but theres a limit to that imo) it takes away from so much of the festival and everything, you are not taking part in one last final battle so Radahn can die fighting, you are handing his soul over to his half brother that wants to use him like a puppet, LITERALLY, to make a mockery of his memory, make him do things he would never have if he was himself, i cant think of anything more horrible to do to him

and his people are utterly convinced they are doing right by him, when the rot was probably better than what miquella would do to him, as horrible as that was.. and if they WERE aware then wow ....... i guess miquella really had everyone on his side huh uwu, like that sucks even more, so none of them ever felt and cared about him or were all also brainwashed YIPPIIIE

(not to mention how much interesting miquella lore gets twisted into actually he was just a scheming little creep and everyone that followed him was quite literlally brainwashed- i know the whole bewitching thing is like, his thing, but MAN- it feels like whoops it was all a dream and it never actually happened when its done bad)

(and i know Radahn is a fictional character but people are gonna pin it on him i just know it, like espeically those that dont care about lore and are just there for the fights .... like its not his fault!!! and i felt like he was already hated enough, first by his too hard boss battle in base game and now in the DLC its a repeat of that even harder (though i find the complaints a lil >_> bc i have seen people just walk right over story bosses so just ... overlevel yourself if you want to do that too, you dont have to fight a boss for three days, explore and level up?) and it was already annoying how malenia defenders AND radahn defenders kept trying to make the other into some horrible asshat, when they are both not great and thats valid, but now its??? )

[narwhalandchill]

(certain genshin ships w ajax brief negativity lmao like this is gonna b real controversial im sorry. not an attack at anyone just my opinion here be gentle)

obviously disclaimer that if u like the pairings in question im not like canceling or attacking you personally or saying ur wrong for liking it or for not considering the more uhh iffy angle im abt to bring up in terms of how i personally always felt abt these ships, i have mutuals who rb stuff for these sometimes and its just a tag i have blocked its life it happens, im more so just overall commenting on the existence of the pairings to begin w, its not worth the drama its my opinionnn please keep that in mind but yeah

anyway ugh now w like capitano model preload stuff and some of the model comparisons being made (hes slightly bigger than the usual tall male apparently n childes model was used for the comparison) and the shippy comments being made abt it im gonna be honest chief. i do not. like. a single ajax x harbinger pairing like im sorry just how exactly is the age gap (and seniority. and experience. and power imbalance) not processing with ppl when it comes to these at all ??? 😭😭 hes the youngest appointed harbinger canonically and w perueres story we now know that was like. Literally 16 at most for him. and even if that wasnt the case and before it was confirmed. hes still been around the harbingers since he was a teenager bc of being pulcinellas protege idc if its like this convoluted argument of well he wouldnt really interact w them on an interpersonal relationship level before hes a bit older its just still so weird to me i just dont understand how any of these pairings became a thing 💀 like you think not being around him that frequently would stop the usual shipping suspects ppl favor with childe from seeing him as a literal kid either way???

arles literally the one exception here since theyre actually around the same age but those 2 have the ship chemistry of two noble gases JSKSKSLDOSOSKFL (= literally no reaction) . arle is a whole dyke that much is obvious.

like obviously its not like much can be done since pairings like scara are way too popular to be somehow halted on their tracks and the cap stuff will prolly have a resurgence as well now that hes getting a more tangible characterization in natlan but ughhhh. it also sucks bc i think ajax 100% has a crush on cap and its such a peak concept (the guy Absolutely played a part in childes bisexual awakening) but the idea of it being reciprocated on any level whatsoever just feels nasty to me im sorry 😭 my cap would Never its literally on the level of pairing him w skirk to me

also scara always felt strange to me solely based on the fact that he genuinely dislikes ajax lmao like. it feels ooc on principle afshsjsksidk but whens that ever stopped anyone i suppose. it lowkey feels like ppl just wanted a m/m harbinger pairing at any cost 💀 and i suppose scara being an immortal puppet wasnt like known early on so i suppose the ship becoming a thing in like 1.1 is fair enough? but still my current feelings wrt ajax age gap w the harbingers do stand

[whitefangz]

sorry i need to overshare on tumblr dot com. nothing serious but it might be long so im putting it under a readmore

i started seeing a therapist in june and just stopped and i am not intending this to come across as anti therapy in any way but im like LASKJF idk. i need to tell somebody else about this. I contacted her in like mid May i think and i specifically sought her out bc she said she does cognitive behavioral therapy and ive read thats a good option for people dealing w my issues and started seeing her in june and like. The first couple of times were fine i honestly didnt really like it but everyone and their dog is always like ohhh it always kinda sucks at first and also i simply hate talking about my feelings etc so i expected that. fine whatever. anyway red flag number one was that she didnt seem to understand how insurance works at all and said i could just pay her on venmo. and i was like. Um ok. but she said i wouldnt need to for a couple weeks so i just left it alone. red flag number two is that one time she brought her enormous dog and it lunged at me and tried to bite me in the face. LASJKFG which to be honest. I almost walked out at that point and i mean she was very apologetic + usual dog owner "he never does that im so sorry!!!!!!" and removed him from the office but like Who fucking brings their horse sized dog to a therapy appt without asking if the person is ok with it. And like she was accredited and shit its not like i was going to see someone in their basement. i would ignore these if i thought her sessions were like remotely helpful but all she would do was like. Ask me about what i did and then tell me not to do that. Like i pace around the house a lot when im anxious. and she would be like well try not to do that. ok! see you next week. Like. Do you think ive not thought of that one. she also kept insisting that my phobia has to be like rooted in some kind of trauma or that its actually Secretly about being afraid of embarrassment and i would be like. i dont think its either of those things. and then she'd be like Ok well i don't really know how to help you :/ Which honestly idk. i was put off by her saying that repeatedly as is but then last week she just decided she was going to make me try exposure therapy which i told her before i don't want to do / don't feel ready to do right now. i just want to focus on managing the anxiety first. and she just like told me to do it anyway LJKFD idk. i emailed her to tell her i didnt want to continue and she was like that's ok. you might want to try EMDR therapy. btw you still ahve to pay me on venmo. and im just sitting here like 1) No i dont think i will need to try that and 2) I paid her thru my insurance like a normal person LASKJF like i dont know. i feel like i dodged a bullet or something. i'll try again someday but at this point im just happy to stop paying $20 a week for a woman to tell me to meditate. perhaps this is an uninteresting wall of text but if you read this far picture me shaking your hand. just a life update from me

[cosmicdream222]

sorry to be morbid again but do you think we can manifest passing away early? im honestly past the point of wanting to exist and just want to get over this thing that im supposed to be a successful person but im not so idrc if i do or dont live

so many ppl on tarot related blogs ask about their fs but if we dont meet them does it matter and would they just move on with their life? like i think u have to have ur life put together but its genuinely so hard to do these days so i hope my fs wont be sad at all when i die cause i wouldnt be able to make tnem truly happy anyway cause im not happy myself with how things have been

ideally i wouldve done something in a sport or music but that ship sailed long ago and now im so stuck but id hate to be reliant on someone else and i shouldve moved out into my own place but housing is ridiculously expensive where im from and taxes dont help anyone. it takes years and years to pick up a talent so i have wasted those years and ik im just going to struggle to get past 50 if i were to have my own place bc minimum wage jobs suck arse and i dont want to be doinng something lame not that its lame for others to do it, its just not what i wanted to have done at all

you cant even get a degree without needing to fork out hundreds and thousands so yeah none of its easy and sure you can try subliminals but lets face it the systemn we are in is fucked up big time so rn i cant even bother with daydream about how it could have been or the what ifs i had done smth differently or if i had any talent but then theres still the, im too old and too foreign to do any sort of music as most successful groups nowadays are korean and even if i tried to do what they did it would probs end up killing me some way or other

its just either about having to be wealthy or having some type of talent both of which id fail at anyway as i shouldve done it years ago like a normal person who goes from being so so at something to being great at something.

i truly think i was born in wrong generation or i just shouldnt have been born at all then i wouldnt have to fret constantly abt these types of things. i think if the government genuinely sorted shit out for once and helped society ppl would be happier to work for less but im not happy at all with the current state of things. i feel guilty for existing and i hate it sm like god just let me end my life pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeee there is nothing worthwhile in store, ik we could try shifting subliminals but have those genuinely worked? like u exit this reality and straight into the one you wanted originally? but then i might as well just pass away cause id have to know what i want in another reality

My dude, take a deep breath. You’ve ranted about all this same exact stuff a bunch of times now and I’m just gonna repeat the same thing I said to you last time:

All of that stuff you mentioned about your current reality is an illusion. Time is an illusion. It does not matter what you’ve done in the past. The economy does not matter. Your present circumstances do not matter.

I’ll add to that: Whatever some tarot reader or TikTok psychic says definitely does not matter. Idk what fs means but I’m guessing something like a twin flame and that is especially 1000% bullshit.

The spiritual community has created an incredible amount of false narratives to make excuses and blame outside forces for why things aren’t going their way. None of it is real. Seriously forget everything you learned about fate, karma, astrology, or anything else that’s saying something else is in control. Reality is an illusion. YOU are in control.

You don’t have to identify with any old bullshit anymore. Stop repeating the old story and think about what you do want. You can have literally ANYTHING! You say you don’t know what you want, ok, but you know what you don’t want, right?

I don’t want to work -> I want to live in a reality where I don’t have to work.

There, you just figured out something you want! It’s that simple.

I totally agree that this society is a horrific shitshow and I don’t want to be aware of it anymore either. But it’s just one version of reality available. It’s not the only reality and it’s not the original reality. You don’t have to be aware of it anymore if you don’t want to be.

You also don’t have to involve death at all. There’s a lot of misconception in the shifting world which has lead to concepts like “permashifting” and “respawning”, but those just all assume this current reality is the original one. It’s not.

Have you watched The Matrix? It’s really more like a documentary than science fiction lol. Just like in the movie, we are being tricked by a simulated virtual reality, controlled by a society that’s using us for our energy. Just think of reality as an escape room. We’re escaping the Matrix. Once you figure out how to leave, you don’t ever have to go back. There are infinite realities available to you, and none are more real or right or original than any others. Remember, death is not an ultimate, nor does it exist in all realities.

I am scripting a utopian reality with my best friend where there is no death, aging, or illness. Everyone is a master manifestor so they always get whatever they want. Nobody has to work and there isn’t even a need for money because we can manifest anything instantly. We can just relax and get massages all day. Everyone lives in peace and harmony and abundance. Animals are treated as equals to humans, we can all communicate with each other, and we can all fly and teleport. Because why the f not? 🤷🏻‍♀️😂

And if you really don’t want to exist (I’m guessing that other ask from a couple weeks ago is you too lol) you don’t have to exist in this reality, or any other. Removing your awareness from all physical reality is known as entering the void. You exist there as pure consciousness, and you can stay there as long as you like. It is you as your highest self. There’s nothing negative about it.

As for the whole subliminal thing, shifting subliminals are just one method. Shifting = manifesting = deciding what you want and experiencing it. It’s something we are always doing and is available to all of us. You don’t need any methods to shift besides intention. We just use methods to convince/calm the annoying human brain that is programmed with society’s limits.

[lakesbian]

Dearest Aisha, I hope this letter finds you well on this horrible sunny day. I’m leaving you this message because my heart is twisted in twain, and you must know that it’s not you, it’s me. What we had was wonderful, but alas, my future in the Bay is either woefully short or non-existent and as such I must bid you adieu. Or in plain English, I’m leaving because this whole plan Glory and Taylor cooked up isn’t my thing and would just put a target on my back. Maybe things would’ve been different if we weren’t pulling up the curtain, but oh well. Try not to be too upset about it. I left the playstation behind, and feel free to save over my old files. Say bye to the others for me, just don’t be too mushy about it. -Alec.

JESUS. WHY DO PEOPLE THINK HE TALKS LIKE THIS. alec wouldnt say bid you adieu if you paid him. or Twain. or Dearest Aisha. oh my god hed gag before saying dearest aisha. hang on we need a full count off of the sins here

the base premise that he didn't discuss his feelings about victoria and taylor's plan with aisha beforehand is absurd--they're extremely communicative with each other

the base premise that taylor would go along with anything victoria cop dallon said in the first place is insane and makes me want to see the person op thinks victoria is killed badly by bugs

the base premise that Aisha is fine with victoria cop dallon's plans instead of going "alec isnt this fucking sucks." is insane.

the base premise that alec is the only undersider not okay with victoria cop dallon's plans is also insane. I'm going to be real with you they would kill her immediately and without hesitation for alec and they dont even like him that much.

again, it's absurd to act as if aisha and alec are noncommunicative enough that he would drop this on her as opposed to telling her he was considering leaving off the bat. also i think she has enough wrong with her that she would want to go with him. but i digress, that's besides the point because

alec would not want to leave without aisha in the first place. people latch on so hard to him casually suggesting leaving the undersiders in that one early chapter but like. he's doing that bc it's in the context of a hypothetical scenario where his dad is getting after him. he always unequivocally backs them & follows their lead when they get into Shit That Is Not About Him--he's just both not wanting 2 burden the undersiders w/ having 2 deal w/ his dad + assuming that they wouldn't necessarily Want to help. once they say they would help he's like. oh ok. and this is certainly the last time he ever even considers leaving. those are the only ppl he has he's not walking his ass out of there. he Thinks he doesn't care but in any situation where he's at risk of exiting or losing one of them he leans HARD into backing them up. e.g. knocking himself unconscious to help brian sacrificing himself for aisha suggesting leaving town As A Team when the s9 is there and explicitly mentioning stopping to pick up rachel first. his actions demonstrate how he feels even if he isnt consciously aware of it. this entire situation is cartoonishly implausible but even if it did happen he would just not react this way

anyway the fic literally just ends like this.

A/N: And so the curtain rises. Or sets? Maybe it’s an interlude? Or a intermission? I didn’t really think this metaphor through. Writing Alec is hard, but I’m hoping I managed well here. No, this is not an elaborate rug pull or “oh he shows up later”. Alec is gone. He doesn’t show up for the rest of the story. And the reasoning for that should be laid out pretty clearly here. Maybe in another world, where Tori and Taylor resolved the communication issue before this point, they could’ve had that conversation. But they didn’t and he didn’t. So the only way out was out. Alec was never going to be willing to unmask. And with that knowledge, what happened last chapter should be a lot clearer. Today’s rec is an essay on Alec’s Costume by ewingstan on Tumblr, which does an excellent job breaking down his character in terms of psychology and code switching between his cape self and who he is regularly. Or rather, how there’s not much difference at all. I’ll see you all next week.

YOU DID NOT MANAGE WELL. HOW ARE YOU READING AND LINKING GOOD ALEC POSTS (albeit ones i had a bit 2 expand on but like. Its a good post it stands on its own.) but not internalizing Any Of Them. my god. this is so funny. there he goes fucking off into the sunset leaving literally his entire life behind because op understands nothing about him. resti n peace boy. ok thus concludes my Complaining. i'd apologize but its my blog and i can do what i want forever

[communistkenobi]

sorry for sending this and getting involed while everyone else is being a dick about it. please dont think i agree with them.

but i do want to say that like. the genital preference thing is just like, a preference. like some people prefer to have sex in certain ways and thats not always possible with a given person's anatomy. i dont think its like a moral issue to say like for example "i like eating pussy but i prefer not to suck a dick" because those are two different things? and it doesnt necessarily come from transphobia either, i think theres more nuance than that.

there are plenty of reasons that someone might prefer a given set of genital traits (idk how to phrase that) like some people vastly prefer sucking a dick and thats great and fine and someone without that wouldnt be able to satisfy them in the ways they want to

like it will ofc get transphobic if there are assumptions about a persons anatomy based on whether theyre trans. like "i wouldnt have sex with a trans woman bc i dont like dicks" IS transphobic. but the statment "i dont want to have sex with a person with a dick" is just, a preference. the transphobia, i think, comes from the given assumptions about what trans bodies look like, both before and after surgery, thats where the political and social implications of genital preference come in. well that and the set of sex acts that people assume are possible with any given genitals.

wrt the sex acts thing like i, a pre bottom surgery trans guy, can have piv sex using my dick, which people would not think given the political and social implications of having a vagina. i think at a certain point blanket statements dont cover it and you would be Much better off confining it to specific sex acts and discussing with a person beforehand.

ftr i dont think cis people use the term genital preference acceptably and we should absolutely take that phrase away from them. but that doesnt make the term itself transphobic imo

I guess I’m just not willing to give this line of argument a lot of credit given how deeply this conversation is entrenched in (especially transmisogynistic) transphobia. I do not think it is possible to fully extricate yourself from cis-heteronormative ideas about bodies when talking about genitals in general.

And to be clear, I agree with you in the sense that I think moralising all aspects of sexual desire can lead to really bad conclusions - my stance on this issue is not predicated on the fact that I think all sexual desire and sexual expression is indicative of some underlying moral principle (ie the notion that BDSM or kinky sex means you love abusing people, or that engaging in group sex means you’re needy and self-centred, etc), because I don’t believe that and I think that can quickly lead to reactionary ideas about sex. But I am unwilling to cede rhetorical ground to “it’s just a preference” not because I think it’s impossible to prefer certain styles of sex over others - or even certain genitals over others - without attaching grand moral values to those preferences, but because of how deeply violent and malicious these ideas are so often expressed in the world. There is a dedicated slur for trans women that is premised on the fact that they have “the wrong” set of genitals, and by “pretending” otherwise (ie by being women) they are “tricking” men into finding them attractive or having sex with them. Because genitals are synonymous with gender by societal standards, because their presence and absence within gendered spaces are so deeply policed, because trans people having the genitals we have is itself seen as a criminal act (“concealing” our “true nature” for “nefarious” purposes) as well as evidence of the fraudulence of our humanity, I am extremely reluctant to entertain casual conversations that conclude with “well it’s just a preference.” Like, okay, maybe it is! But when I see that articulated in ways that frame some genitals as universally “repulsive” or disgusting, both of which are aesthetic assessments with very loaded (even if unintentional) moral judgements, transphobia alarm bells start going off in my head. Trans people are existentially dislocated from public spaces because our genitals determine access to basic necessities like bathrooms, changing rooms, dressing rooms, and the like - we do not belong because we are trying to enter gendered spaces with the “wrong” genitals attached to our bodies. Because access to public spaces is gendered, and because that gendering process is mediated through your genitals, it’s not just our identity being called into question but our ability to be human beings in public space. Our genitals are the site of metaphysical societal anguish over the nature of gender itself. Those are some pretty high stakes!

If someone prefers some sets of genitals over others, that is not an automatic comprehensive condemnation of their moral character vis a vis trans issues - it is, however, if the way they articulate that preference is indistinguishable from transphobic rhetoric, and if you step two paces in any direction you will encounter crowds of people doing just that.

[astronautical-v]

Dumping almost every thought i have about the dwemer in an incoherent ramble because i have too many ideas and nothing to do with them. I have only played skyrim and know some about morrowind and read up on a ton of lore so im probably way off in a lot of places

Was thinking about the "fifteen-and-one sacred tones" that the dwemer mention and im trying to think. What the hell does that even mean? Obviously its reminiscent of the "eight-and-one" divines which implies its something to do with the aedra and daedra. So its either the eight divines (since talos wasnt a thing yet) and eight of the daedric princes OR all sixteen daedric princes. Since there just so happen to sixteen of them (as of then. Ithelia wouldnt have been known by them or anyone else around that time anyway). But then that begs the question, whos the "and one"? Whos the outlier? Im guessing either sheogorath or malacath. Sheogorath bc hes the daedric prince of madness and therefore the least predictable of them all, but also because sheogorath is also jyggalag, making him different from the rest of the daedric princes, as well as the fact that a mortal can become sheogorath just as tiber septim could become a god. Malacath because he used to be trinimac, and trinimac is present in im pretty sure every elven pantheon, and the dwemer, despite not believing in the divinity of the aedra or daedra, are very much elves, and would probably have known about trinimac just because of other mer. If malacath used to be a god, then it would make sense that the dwemer would consider him to be an outlier. Supposedly even other cultures dont always see malacath as a real daedric prince either, and malacath himself has to do with those who are scorned, othered, etc.

The dwemer probably viewed the daedra and aedra as nothing more than energies, the tones that make up the world (or something like that), but focused less of the divines and more on the daedra because the daedric princes are MUCH more present and involved on mundus than the aedra tend to be. The dwemer simply did not believe they were anything worth worshipping, or even considering to be above them. They recognized the power that they had, though, which is why they were called the "sacred" tones. I guess. I dunno. Alternatively, it was the eight divines and 8 daedric princes, but i dont know which of them they would be.

And regarding the term "fifteen-and-one", i was wondering what the 16 tones could possibly have an equivalent to in real life. I also wondered how they programmed any of their machines to do what they wanted, then somewhat jokingly came to the conclusion that they used some kind of dial-up and transmitted data via sound. But then doing a bit of research i found this:

16 tones. Crazy. Wow. Felt like i hit a revelation. Unfortunately i dont understand how that stuff works so i was reading a whole lotta words and not absorbing that much of them (i am not technologically adept). But the mention of radio was also really important because theres plenty of proof that the dwemer DID in fact have radio technology. Theres an item called "dwemer coherer", and a coherer is a really really old form of radio communication that basically only really worked for morse code messages and kinda sucked at it, but it was radio. And thats huge.

Regarding the radio stuff, i do think the dwemer had actual telepathy but that they also used radio. I think maybe their telepathy just wasnt as long range and probably like using a walkie-talkie but with their minds. Idk. I think the only way that kagrenac couldve used "the calling" to affect EVERY dwemer ever is if it was some sort of direct mental connection, and if every dwemer had that ability it would explain how it worked. Maybe kagrenac just amplified it somehow bc of the heart. And it would explain why yagrum bagarn wasnt affected, because if it wasnt some sort of telepathy then whatever kagrenac did with the heart would have simply had to affect every dwemer regardless of where they were. But since yagrum wasnt in mundus at the time, the calling never reached him, so he wasnt affected, and i just think that means it had to be telepathy. Idk im not explaining this point well but i hope it makes some amount of sense.

With that all said i think if they did have telepathy i also think their ears would be pointer and more mobile. Like radio antenna. Just because its fun to think about. They can "tune in" and out of other peoples... callings? I guess? Idk. They probably used radio primarily for longer distance communication.

With all the stuff about sound, it brings me to the falmer. I dont know why the dwemer did that to the falmer and im not sure if they were already all fucked up by the time the dwemer disappeared but im pretty sure they werent. But thinking about that thing in eso that they just had a huge machine that could make people go crazy and even mind control them, as well as in skyrim on solstheim that guy who was losing his mind over some weird dwemer thing under his house that emits a really deep sound if you listenclosely and ignore the steam pump sound (though i have no idea what "fire from the deep" could possibly mean, other than dwemer lived underground and had forges. Idk), their usage of tones was really for everything. They could probably hear a wider range of frequencies than other races and observed the effects of those frequencies on other people. Consider how old structures and machines irl produce very low frequency sounds that can and do affect the mind.

The dwemer very much could have used infrasound in their own technology for various reasons, but its probably what made the falmer what they are today. And, also likely, that the lack of maintenance of machines and whatever (since all the dwemer disappeared and automatons can only do so much) caused them to go "out of tune" and probably produce more infrasound that is impossible for anyone other than a dwemer to hear, which would have greatly affected the falmer mentally. Thinking about how gelebor notes that the falmer seem to have a "rise in intelligence" recently is probably because the falmer in the forgotten vale are so far from any dwemer ruin that they arent being affected by the infrasound they produce. Im sure infrasound alone wouldnt have caused such a huge chance in a whole race but this is also fantasy magic world so im saying this all as the dwemer had some elder scrolls world equivalent of it. The falmer developing sensitive hearing was maybe a way that their bodies tried to adjust to the infrasound so as to not be driven completely insane by it, along with aiding their navigation while blind.

And since this is fantasy magic land, this all also reminds me of string theory. The theory that everything that ever exists is made up of little one-dimensional strings, closed or open, that vibrate. And well sound is a vibration and theres a connection there that i havent fully understood to think through but it would help explain why theyre so atheistic in a world where gods are very much real. They just think everything is a form of energy that they are trying to figure out how to harness. And they succeeded in a lot of ways. If everything is made of vibrating energy, or tones, then you can simply make other tones and do stuff with that. Does that make sense? I dont know how to explain exactly what i mean. They probably had tone tech that helped them with excavation and whatnot. Breaking stones with sound. Idk. You can even shatter kidney stones with sound. Its pretty cool.

Also i think the dwemer ate a lot of mushrooms as their primary cuisine. It only makes sense. Living in places that have mushrooms everywhere. Probably how they knew about the toxic mushrooms that blind you if you eat them. Also they had a mushroom farm in blackreach.

I like to imagine the dwemer singing. Thats probably not how they did tonal architecture stuff but its fun to imagine they could do that vocally anyway. Idk

Uhh i dont think i have anything else i remember thinking about tbh. Im so interested in how their tech works and what they used it all for. Worldbuilding type of stuff. I dont know what to think about the soul gems or whatever the hell is going on with kagrenzel or the lexicon in avanchnzel. But yeah

[dangopango00]

COLLEGE BAND AU HEADCANONS

Legato x gn reader

It was pretty rude of me to just randomly put an au fic without explanation so heres the explanation bye still self indulgent; always will be i fear

more utc

- OK FIRST ABOUT HIM. He works for knives still but in this au his job is to cause vash suffering by 😭😭… outselling him??? Ridonkulous ik but go with it

- Knives wants him to outsell vash so vash realizes that art and human creativity is obsolete and instead help him run his tech/AI company that also focuses on helping global warming (humans suck they should die. robots go!)

- Hes apart of a band to rival Vash’s and ofc its the Gung Ho Guns; he hired them to play for him

- Tbh i think their genre isnt set in stone bc theyre purely doing this to outsell vash so I think theyd keep the core of it rock or indie but it has a lot of shifting gears, doing wtv gets the most traction

- Legato is the bassist but he knows keyboard if their keyboardist is absent

- I think legato writes most of the songs himself (to impress knives ofc this is still HIS mission afterall) and gets a lil sad and defensive if it flops LMFAO even if its just his first album; considering how Knives talked down on music Legato thought it’d be somewhat easy

- It DEFINITELY took him a while to write things that had some semblance of humanity in it tbh he had to have either another less emotionally stunted member write it or a ghost writer but he did still practice writing in his spare time since he had nothing better to do

- NOW ABOUT YALL. Ur roommates in a college dorm; if it were up to him he’d have an apartment but knives wanted him to keep an eye on vash and vash lives on campus

- He only has like one or two official rules as roommates but if ur pissing him off with sth thats not on the list he WILL let u lnow LOL

- The only rules established off rip are:

1. MYOB

2. Do not touch him (no tolerance rule if u touch him without permission he WILL be out of there asap even if its a lot of trouble and will probably even idk push u or sth ignore u forever, hope and pray on ur downfall idk its hard to translate his violent tendencies to modern society without getting him arrested ok)

- You often eat together when he isnt busy tbh usually in silence but its ok its comfortable silence (to him at least)

- Ok im gonna try to say this in the least creepy way possible but like. He likes to observe you for inspiration HEAR ME OUT. Just seeing u go about ur day and since hes always in first person POV seeing someone else just… live gives him immense inspiration on what to write

- He also gets inspo from other artists and heres where u come in hehe. You are a solo artist who doesn’t show your face and your speaking voice is pretty much completely different from ur singing voice (Not like insanely different but if you heard the two separately you wouldnt really connect the dots unless ur one of those people who connect voices easily + depending on ur genre u could be using a completely different tone of voice than usual)

- Your genre is a little similar to Legato’s in the fact that although you keep your core component (Love theme IMO but hey i dont make the rules yes i doo) you change around the other moving parts such as the instruments or wtv so he listens to your music often though he never really thought it would be you; just never really thought about the possibility

- Im not gonna say hes like obsessed with your artist persona or anything but he does (as much as he would rather khs than admit it since according to Knives music is the bane of this world) greatly enjoy your music and often finds himself getting your songs stuck in his head

- Hes def a gatekeeper i mean this is the guy who can name every song in ur discography (Not saying much though since you dont post too often)

- ANYWAY u have no idea this is going on since hes prone to just listening to music in his headphones rather than showing you or blasting it for the world to hear so ur relationship is developing as normal roommates

- You often get him stuff from the college snack shack and in return he often gives u whatever he doesnt want from the dining hall (that sounds crappy but its usually good stuff like ur fave fruit or cheese and crackers or sth)

- After u become a bit closer going on trips together becomes common not like vacation but like a little drive to a department store or him taking you with him to practice/performances

- SPEAKING OF PRACTICE U work part time at a coffee shop and it has a practice room which is where he usually brings his band it sounds random but I’ve encountered a coffee place like this before ok

- Killing two birds with one stone, he gets to see you on his way in and out and he gets a quiet place to practice + Vash often brings his band here too so ig killing two birds and one afterthought with one stone

- Other GHGs (NOT greenhouse gasses. Gung ho guns) think that ur another one of his groupies probably 💀 he def has tons i fear

- He def writes songs about you or rather than about you, references how u make him feel but he is in denial and thinks feelings are embarrassing so hes just like no they just gave me inspiration

- Its ok though the only one he has to justify himself to is himself bc hes like. The only one who knows its about u since his songs are never rlly about romance and in the rare cases that they are its very subtle

- When, if ever, he feels ready for touch he frames it like hes doing u a favor lmao “I will allow you to (blank)” he is tbh

Random Misc:

- Hes majoring in Ecology or Conservation Biology prob minoring in sth like computer science (his entire life surrounds Knives what did u expect)

- Sleeps in his daytime clothes and ur always like ???? Esp bc he wears jeans often… U two went to the department store one time and u convinced him to let u buy him pajamas so he could wash the day clothes overnight

- Hes a big ass fan of vinyls and cds and just physical ways of owning things like music or games but wont admit to himself he likes it its just for the aesthetic ok even though he has a record and cd player

- Wants to cut ur hair and feels like its one of the most intimate things u could do without having to touch too much (forever subscribed to knives cut his hair hc)

- If u have a lot of accessories and generally just a lot of stuff he gets annoyed if it isnt properly organized and will organize it for u wnv hes having writers block

- If ur an artist he has u make his merch designs n stuff 😍😍 he pays very generously he rlly dgaf abt money tbh + Knives sponsoring him

A/N: irrelevant but idk whether to imagine him as tristamp or trigun design like both are so good but Ok im done yapping ty

[mute-call]

ok as per usual im gonna dump all my ideas here & figure them out later <3

v; your bell telephone factory : dsaf-fluid factory phone au.

things i Want / need to keep in mind bc i want to use them / also make this unique from his other verses:

he's not the only pg!! i'll go refresh myself on the generations but i think i want him uhhhh peter-esque.......? bro idk i need my dsaf friends to remind me of stuff. basically i want him to have access to his pre-phone memories but not Immediate Complete access

im sorry i refuse to name any pg of mine scott cawthon all my besties hate scott cawthon <3 . but the pg name can be scott gyver in honor of one of my fave canon phone guy designs

blue head. i cant wait to confuse people by using my animatronic icons for non-animatronic verse >:)c

steven should have worked with other pgs in the past when he was human. i think he would have been lowkey scared of them but also never really got in trouble w them. uneasy alliance /lh. steven voice hey my life might suck but at least i dont have a phone for a head! haha. ha. ha

alright down to the details!

i’m thinking he discovers one of the kids’ bodies in the suits if I want to differentiate, or i can steal from dsaf & let him catch William (Henry?) in the act. I think either would work well for him tbh.

additional / alternate idea.... he gets caught during fnaf 2 shit. not a manager at that point (some other pg is). catches william using the suit & gets Done For. previous pg gets scrapped after all that shit goes down & steve comes to look over fnaf 1. it like. goes ok for a while & then the location goes into decline but doesnt technically close so he is just Standing There. <3 . he takes over night shift bc he just fucken lives there basically. has some line about how he's less likely to get his head bit in now that it's plastic so this is the best option for everyone.

im so indecisive about how & when he should die pre-phone. idk man idk. i think this is one of those things i need to develop better in threads / might be flexible & set at diff points thread to thread

pre-phone steve....

drawing from my hcs about him when he was younger, i think pre-phone phoney was SO bright & cheerful & nicies...

really good with the kids. excited about his first real job to support his family. not yet beaten down by fnaf-slash-dsaf shenanigans

i guess he'd die younger than 30 in this unless he gets phone-ified after his canon death point but that doesnt make much sense. so. itty bitty phone. youngun.

post-phone scott....

i am SO into the idea that he's never fired anyone. pushover of a phone!!!

he & peter can share their fake little photo of a completely different phone guy w a completely different family /lh. pg's so excited to have kids :) . he talks about them all the time! please stop telling him they dont exist!!!

partially to differentiate from animatronic verses & partially to bring in his fnaf 1 characterization i think he's pretty chill as far as pgs go. like he'll ask you to stop screwing stuff up but he'll also just shrug and leave if you tell him to shut up about it T_T . very difficult to rile up.

i think one benefit of phoneification for him was removing his guilt about jeremy where applicable. i think i am leaning more towards steve being human for that game, and the bite of '87 stuff being a real turning point for him in terms of . everything. (but blue, wouldnt it make more sense for him to die BEFORE the bite? yes. <3 and yet /lh).

i think he & jeremy would have been closer if he hadn't been manager + everything that happened there fucked him up severely. luckily, as a phone, he doesnt feel much about it at all!

is there anything im missing..... idk more to come. etc.

[rottytops]

squid thoughts after finalfest...

readmore bc i dont think anyone cares or even knows who runs this blog anymore but anyways

squids huh...........i have such a weird and intimate relationship with splatoon, i was SO into it when s1 came out i literally wouldnt shut up about it, i was on fucking. SQUIDBOARDS everyday pre-release sucking up all the info i could on splats, and i played it to absolute death too. at the end of s1 for final fest i was in a really weird housing situation bc i was leaving college and my like 2 month lease at my apartment i couldnt afford was running out, but i dont think i had a tv or something? so i had to use the apartment's like...public office room to play that final fest at like 2AM (i was team marie of course)

then splat 2 happened and i think splatoon was like, my entire life for several years no joke. i fell into a big splatoon community, got really into making splatoon art and OCs, had tons of splat friends, it was kind of a whirlwind. splatoon was the launching pad i used to get into freelancing commissions which is really funny in retrospect because i could not and still cannot figure out how to draw the inkling mask to save my life.

those were really really fun days and i still consider 2 the peak of my interest in the series as well as my favorite splat game + idol group, the good days in my splat fanbse didnt last forever though since my mental health and the difficulties of freelancing ate me alive in a way that im only just now recovering from, but that doesnt tarnish the memory or anyhting, the friends i made during s2's run are some of the closest ive ever had and im still with them even today, so i guess in a way splatoon 2 affected my life in a way only comparable to like...the disgaea series which is REALLY SAYING SOMETHING

but that brings me to 3 which is definitely when i fell off of the splat boat and wanted to move on. to be honest a lot of drama happened post 2's end that made me not wanna look at splat 3 at all but of course i caved and bough it anddddddd barely even played it, lol...i missed a ton of the catalog battle pass things and didnt feel the need to play that much, i didnt even get side order until like 2 months ago... it makes me sad to think that something so important to me is just not quite for me anymore, even if i love it dearly, part of that i think is just ive accepted im REALLY BAD AT SHOOTERS no matter what. a million hours in 1 and 2 and my aim is still super bad, i was able to get all X rank in S2 but in S3 i can barely land my shots or use my brella and had to swap to the 52 gal...its embarassing! i think id get really into a splatoon RPG or something, so maybe they just need to make a splatoon spinoff for me to get absurdly hooked to it but for now im pretty content closing a book on playing the games

but man, final fest made me realize how much splatoon has done for me over the years, i think ill always adore the world and its characters, even if i dont keep up with the games very much. im a little miffed team past won beecase even if i love the squid sisters, i reaaaally dont wanna see them doing more idol stuff. let those bitches retire!!! theyre like 30 now and still doing the same songs and outfits they wore nearly 10 years ago!! aauuhg, though i guess me caring so much about virtual squid idols shows how much the series still means to me...

i dont have any closing thoughts and i dont think anyone read this far either but it does feel very nice to word vomit on my blog which i. do not do. anymore. for some reason..

i love splatoon a lot i think, maybe i should just draw squids without playing the games...i think ill do that...

[daughterofsarenrae]

for the batman characters: cassandra cain!

three facts about them from my personal headcanons 1. she's an adrenaline junkie and she should get into extreme sports. like she just vanishes for a few months and then u find out it's because she got really into like. idk freeclimbing or x-trials 2. she is absolutely unbeatable at just dance 3. i think cass doesn't know what a gender is and just goes along with she/her bc that's what people called her. if she ever sits down and hears like an lgbt primer she'd be like. oh. nah i dont have one of those. but she also doesn't care enough to do some self-introspection over this when she has her planet-sized guilt complex to deal with instead

a reason they suck -Doesn't take good enough care of herself. babygirl getting urself killed for The Mission doesn't fix anything and won't ever be enough to make you forgive yourself. Find a healthier outlet

a reason they are great -where to begin. she is perfect To Me. she's so arrogant esp re: 'i never lose' and she keeps being right about that and it makes her even worse. she never does anything in half measures. nothing short of perfection is acceptable. this isn't necessarily great FOR her but it's great for me to read about

a reason I relate to them  -hates losing anything

(what I consider to be) the top tier otp/ot3 for that character -otp: stephcass. fucking obsessed with them.

five things that never happened to that character that I believe should have happened -she should've gotten to kiss brenda. as a treat -she should get to kiss steph on page. as a treat -she should get to be in any movie/show without her entire backstory/character being rewritten -i think she should join a band and she should either play drums or bass -therapy. she'd hate it and it would never happen and it prob wouldnt fix her but it's worth a shot -bonus one i think she should have to look after a toddler for like a week for some reason and she talks to this kid ALL the time to make sure they get the chance to grow up hearing human voices, unlike what she got. also she tries to teach the baby krav maga -bonus bonus one LET THAT GIRL BE BATMAN!!!! literally no one else wants/should want that identity. her wanting the batman mantle was such a big part of batgirl2000 and if we all work together we can actualize this future.

Send in characters!

[gibbearish]

Hey, I found ur trans quiz thing on uquiz, I think I'm in the right place. Anyway, I'm basically positive that I'm trans, but I don't know if I should come out. If I do, my mom and brother will be disgusted by me, (both Christians) and I'm pretty sure I'd get the same result from my best friend. My real name is Roman, but I put Charlie for my username bc I want to be Charlotte instead. I don't want to bottle up my feelings, but I'm sure they would all judge me. What do you suggest I do? Thx for listening.

hey there! yep you reached the right place:3

this is always a tough one, i was in a pretty similar situation when i was in high school. i know a lot of people will say like "you never know until you try, the people who love you might surprise you!" but personally ive always found that to be somewhat shallow advice. you know the people in your life better than randos ever will, so above anything else i would say to go with your gut here. if it tells you that coming out now wouldnt be safe, then unfortunately i think it probably would be in your best interests to just keep your head down until youre able to set up a life and support system outside of them, so that if things do break bad it doesn't fuck you over.

that being said, that doesn't mean you have to bottle it all up either, nor does that mean all hope is lost for having a relationship with those people afterwards.

first, try to seek out others like you in your life right now. im not sure how old you are but most of the people who've reached out from the quiz have been high schoolers so i'm going off that assumption, if you are in high school i would see if your school has a GSA you could join, or if that wouldnt be a possibility bc ur parents wouldnt let you go then you could try reaching out to the teacher that runs it to see if they have any advice or could help you connect with other queer kids outside of the club. if you can't do that then you may still be able to connect, i know the stereotypes abt people "looking gay" are shit but there are also legitimately queer style choices that people make on purpose because they want to look queer (myself included), and while openly saying "hey you look gay lets be friends" would suck, ill let you on on the secret code to tell queer strangers you recognize their vibes: "omg i love your hair". and obviously randos can give that compliment too but im being 100% serious when i say that if that comment comes from Another Queer and is said in the "im gay too please notice me" way, it hits different, idk how to explain lmao. or "i like your pins" if they have pride stuff. really it's just you pointing out the Thing that made you go "you seem like me," and then complimenting it to show the other person youre cool with that stuff. and obv follow the other persons vibes, if theyre just like "oh thanks" and then turn back around then just move on w ur day, but if theyre like "omg i love your hair too!" then *hacker voice* youre in

anyways on to the second part which is all hope is not lost:

you may not be able to come out to these people now, BUT you may be able to start laying the groundwork to do it further down the line. i'm not saying start religious/political arguments, obv do whatever you need to stay safe, but you can start just. nudging them in the right direction. like say your parents are ranting about something right on the line of anger abt queerness, like a guy wearing eyeliner or w/e, you could drop a noncommital "eh i think it looks cool but i get it" or "i mean its kinda just facepaint when you think abt it tho right?" or another example i cant think of right now to just kind of. push the needle a little bit. and with this kind of thing it's very important you dont go into it expecting immediate change, like. this is you planting the seeds so that in six months when theyre trying to fall asleep theyll be like "....huh. i guess it kinda is just like facepaint, so. why is facepaint ok for men but makeup isnt" yknow? so if you go into it with that being the expectation, the things you say hopefully wont register as confrontational or disagreeing, but just as like. the noncommital hand wiggle gesture. it can take a long time for ideas to take root in people so it makes convos much easier when you remind yourself not to expect immediate change

now obviously your mileage may vary, if you think even that would be too dangerous then absolutely feel free to disregard and just do your best not to let the things they say get to you. and either way remember that you WILL have your own life away from them someday where you get to be yourself, and it is never ever too late to start transition. no matter how long you have to stay with them to set up your own life, it is out there, and one day you will get to a point where whether they cut you off or not, it doesn't matter. you'll get to choose your own clothes, religion, hair style, makeup, house decorations, food, schedule, the world will be your oyster. so when it gets hard, hold on to that. i believe in u 💕