#that sucks actually. try harder
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i was talking about this Elsewhere but
obviously a characters gender can and should and does inform their writing and color how we perceive that writing
but also i think if you as a writer cant write a story and dialogue for a character that is meaningful and interesting regardless of what gender that character is, without changing anything between iterations
thats actually a failing on your part and maybe you should work on that
#alexi talks#you cant write a character that has a player customizable gender bc the versions would be 'too different' ?#that sucks actually. try harder#rcblogging
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Chatterbox Pt. 1 - SFW
>Their calling/texting habits, especially with a partner that loves to be on the phone for hours (part two with the others dropping tomorrow I promise!!)
Hayato Suo - Phone? What phone? Just kidding. He texts a regular amount, but if you wanna be on the phone for a while, his limit is usually an hour unless you're both planning a date or something. He'd prefer to be with you in person otherwise. Invite him over~ He'll bring snacks and drinks for you.
Sakura Haruka- Better on calls than he is on texts for sure. Takes a long time to figure out what to talk about when you two do have calls. Likes to keep them half an hour or shorter regularly. If it's a special occasion or you're on vacation, he doesn't mind if the call goes longer, wanting to hear your voice even if it's only been a day since you left. Accidentally calls you on facetime a lot instead of like...a regular call. So you just see his ear or neck, or it's just completely dark.
Nirei Akihiko - Can talk for hours without fail. He does have an exact bed time that he sticks to though, so while he wants to keep talking, he's about 2 minutes from passing out on the floor. Has call parties that are so chaotic but insanely fun that everyone ends up cracking up during. Added Sakura to one of your calls before, but then Sakura thought you were WITH Nirei. "Sakura-san we're all on different phones." "But you both sound like you're in the same room???"
Kiryu Mitsuki - Calls you when he's gaming and you both just stay on the phone as a way of hanging out. Sometimes forgets you're on the phone and starts humming one of the osts and it sounds sooo nice. He'd sleep with the call still going if it wouldn't completely drain his phone battery. Depends on the day, but when he hasn't seen you in a bit, he's like "Just come over please."
Tsugeura Taiga - Loves calls too. Will call you when he's working out to show you that he hit his new goal. "Babe check out my form, let me know if you think my posture's off" And your just on facetime while he's in his local gym? He asks the people he's with if it's alright first though. Loves chatting or listening equally, so if you just want to hear his voice? He's got plenty to say.
Sugishita Kyotaro - He'll listen if you wanna chat as long as you want, he just doesn't say much. If the call goes on longer than 2 hours he might end up falling asleep. He has to be extra careful with his phone because he's prone to breaking it. It's got the strongest screen protector and case known to man. Actually waterproof at this point probably. Likes to send one set of character emojis when texting and just that set. He's got a special ringtone for you set, and answers it on the first ring every time.
Hiragi Toma - He's fine with calling or texting, but doesn't wanna be on the phone forever. If you have something to say, that's one thing, but if you're gonna talk his ear off, he's also one to just want you to come see him. Actually takes cute candids (unlike Ume who is a menace with them) and has one as your contact pic. Sometimes he looks at it and his stomach feels just a bit better during an attack.
Umemiya Hajime - GOSSIP GIRL FR! He's on the phone with you for hours telling you the juiciest secrets he's found out during the day. If you call him up at 3am cause you had the wildest dream? He's answering and talking about it with you until you're ready to fall back asleep. Has the UGLIEST candid of you you've ever seen and it's your contact pic smh. He has other ACTUALLY cute pictures of you on his phone but he's adamant that you look beautiful in all of them. If he's busy doing something, he'll pass his phone around to either his friends or Kotoha and the kids when he's home to keep you company. Kinda like those "Hey can you watch my boss for me for a second?" Tiktoks?
#Wind breaker#Wind breaker headcanons#Wind breaker x reader#I'm not tagging everyone sorry im tiiiiired#This is me btw im the chatterbox#i love being on the phone for hours its my love language. I actually suck at texting and shit im so dry most of the time#My all time highest score is about 6 hours for one call#also this is one of those ones where like....if i dont do headcanons for ur fav....just message me ill make them like SNAP#i have yet to get use to the chaos of discord ironically#i have to try harder though!!#oh i forgot my writing tag agian#mari writes
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The respect I have for people who have actually been able to read The Odyssey and The Iliad is insane.
I was at the bookstore today buying the newest pjo book and I went to the classics section like “hm maybe I can buy The Iliad and The Odyssey so I can finally read them instead of getting all my information on the plot from video summaries, spark notes, and tumblr” then I grabbed both of them and decided to yk sift through to see if I could actually even read it. I in fact, could NOT read those things. Like the style of English and speaking hurt my brain, I thought the spark notes summaries were brain melting but oh lord the book itself hurt more.
So yeah I did not buy either one and only both wrath of the triple goddess lmao, but I did leave with a lot of respect for the people who have been able to actually read the book because I just can’t
But also if anyone has like a translation of either one that’s easier to read please do recommend and I’ll see if I can get it because I would really like to actually have a copy I can refer to when I need it (a copy I can actually understand that is)
#the odyssey#the illiad#classics#greek mythology#homeric epics#homer#homer buddy i can’t read the translations of your monstrosities#which really sucks because of my current hyperfixation being greek mythology#curse you epic for doing this to me btw#also do not get this post twisted as me not knowing the stories because i do know them#via video summaries and spark notes#and tumblr#which is less reliable at times#so it’s mostly video summaries and spark notes#but i do know the stories#and a lot of other greek myths#fun fact just because i like epic and pjo doesn’t mean i think they’re accurate#weird that some people automatically assume epic and/or pjo fans don’t know actual greek mythology#yeah some don’t#but there are a lot of us that do#we just like the books and the musical because they’re fun#like the pjo books are a really fun read and it’s a fun universe to think abt#and epic is just a really fun retelling of the odyssey#i see so many toxic classics fans get genuinely pissed at the mere mention of any kind of modern take in greek myths/retellings#like i get it being annoying if ppl who actually don’t know the myths/stories try and argue that they’re right#but don’t judge everyone just because of a few people#it makes it harder than it should be to be a fan of both the original stories and modern takes on them#epic the musical#percy jackson and the olympians#wrath of the triple goddess
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Do you have like a kofi or a gofundme going for your top surgery at all?
trans surgeries are covered in canada! the only struggle is how broken and slow our medical system is ;w;
if anyone wants 2 help me get the stuff ill need for recovery tho i can put this here ig :)
#it would have been free even if i was cis because even reductions are covered here if they are removing a certain amount of material#since in that case it has to do with quality of life/back pain etc#which is why the wait time is like extra sucks. im taking damage everyday#had a guy try to pull the 'you cant complain cus i have it harder since i gotta pay' thing & i was like listen i want better for BOTH of us#no one should have to pay 10k to get rid of their bozos but also no one should have to wait actual years while approved for it either#its like. a torment nexus. they CAN do it and im in severe daily pain and i get to sit here and twiddle my thumbs for years waiting
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really fucking grinds my gears how my dad knows just how to make me feel fucking guilty for putting up boundaries and saying no
#not even for a major thing!#barely setting a boundary even! just saying i don’t want to do smth!#asking me if i want to go for dinner one evening when he knows i work late most days and have said this for years - in fact said this exact#thing to him last week - so when i say no bc i finish late he just pushes and pushes#until im like this doesn’t work for me AND i hate eating out i dont want to go. just go with my brother that’s fine. and he’s suddenly#blunt as fuck in his messages leaving me on read or guilting me about the hours i work….. like get a fucking grip your over 50 bro#i try to be polite with it but he just gets in a fucking mood like please you are a Loser#i see you weekly (smth HE chose when i was a bairn) like im not making my job and life harder just bc you feel bad that you don’t see me#more often now#also i only hate eating out with him!! because it’s awkward!! i like to be in and out when i eat with friends and we’re all the same about#it bc we’re all very autistic lmaooo but with him he likes to chat and chat and chat which is fine but i don’t.. and he asks more personal#questions than when we’re just at his as if im gonna open up just bc we’re eating thai food 🙄🙄🙄🙄#like you Don’t get to know if im seeing anyone or if im queer or even if ive got fucking plans to go away with friends tbh#like deadbeat dads that try to emotionally manipulate their kids get minimal information actually !! 🤓☝️#stelle yaps#fuck sake#i knew he’d start doing this when my brother was back - he’s always played us off each other and he always gravitates towards whichever is#the ‘easiest’ child at the time which is my brother ever since i became an adult lmao#i just don’t tolerate his shit and i let him know it whereas e will play along#me and my dad are too similar in that we both know how to really cut deep in the other :/#it just all sucks#please please feel free to ignore#i just need to vent like hell bc he winds me up a treat so bad
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depression is really weird actually wdym i spent 2.5 years of my life in bed
#and wdym that lifestyle changed so quickly into being out and about and an active member of the world??#very proud of myself#and i mean it wasn't that quick of a change#it was like 1.5 years primarily depression bedrotting with occasional school -> primarily depression bedrotting ->#primarily depression bedrotting with 3-9 hours of work weekly -> straight into 31+ hours school+9-12 hours work weekly#so there was somewhat of a gradual progression#but still#also wowza i wake up 7-7:30am every morning now. 1pm was an early wake up for a not so insignificant amount of time#i mean of all fundamental growth years to miss out on the ages like what 12/13-15 aren't too bad? they would suck in a different way if i#had been socially involved#anyway it's just. yea i'm proud of myself but it is a crazy lifestyle change#and even when i was deeply depressed in a horrible routine i feel like i learned a lot. how to regulate my emotions and cope well and find#the joy in everything. bc if i stayed in bed all day then i would at least be happy about the sun or whatever#and for the while of being not at school at all i WANTED to be at school i just could not find one bc our school system is so cute like tha#(basically every school is at capacity and the local school that has a guaranteed place for me would have been an all boys or girls 😭)#but i miraculously found and got into this school and miraculously made it work so well for me socially and now academically#it's also a good time to get back into school for my education bc any later and it woulda been pretty bad for all my certifications and uni#ive missed out on so much maths that its not worth it to me to try and catch up but my teacher knows that#but ive always hated maths regardless i only ever understood it for the first half of yr 7 then my attendance dropped#and after my recent exam i decided to try harder at school. but i still got an A on the exam i didn't study for!! academic weapon fr#i'm just idk thinking back to myself in the past few years#and how hopeless it all felt. but i got out of it!! i beat the depression and social anxiety and found a good place and made the most of it#and during the peak of my depression i remember i went out someplace near my old school and panicked so so badly about seeing#kids from my old school. and the friends at the time didnt really check on me when i went to shake and cry in a side street lmao#i kept the best of that friendgroup and have better friends now. but anyway now i take a bus each morning with some kids from my old school#and you see these hands? they look like they're shaking to you?#anyway yeah it's just cool i got to this point :) i really had no hope for so long but now i have a life i'm living and a future i'm build#--ing towards#which is funny i just decided some random day last november after watching some better call saul 'huh actually lawyer would b pretty cool'#and will i get there? we'll see but i do have hope now
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WARNING, MINOR SPOILERS FOR BABEL (AND CN MAIN STORY) INSIDE
Okay I finished the event. Despite my reservations, the CN ppl were right. It was a lovely event that made me throw another 10 pull at Ascalon's banner (I did not get her, sad. probably for the best bc I do love using Mizuki).
My one thought is that I still don't know how to feel about Theresa's character. I don't think she was horrible. No, I think this event helped me realize her purpose and beliefs a bit better, as well as how she plays off of Theresis (I still don't know how they're gonna end of his arc tho. Bc for me, given how Theresis wants to stay behind in the past and give the Sarkaz the push they need to join Theresa, who pioneers in the future/use violence to clear a path for her ideals to be heard by others, it makes sense for him to join her in death but from what I know, post Victoria arc the man is still kicking so ???) So I guess my weird nitpick is that she often comes off as weirdly passive in a way that I don't think is intended? Like, she talks big about how she dreams of a future of unity for Sarkaz and all Terran races, but then when Theresis or others are obviously fanning the flames of war, she doesn't really try hard to get them to stop? And even when she's making a case for others, she kinda just accepts their initial answer most of the time and rarely pries further. And even her plans for Babel seemed kinda more reactive then proactive. Idk, I just felt like she would have over time, given her situation as King of Sarkaz, become more outwardly passionate about convincing others (especially her own people, who would naturally struggle to imagine the future she dreams of because of their past/hive-memories) to join her cause. Tho I guess she technically became more aggressive/passionate when Doctor's indecisiveness nearly fucked everything up
Also sometimes she come off too much as the "tragic backstory person who did no wrong and everyone loves" but that's the point of her character so it would be me complaining of water being wet I guess.
#arknights#good event tho#if only I wasn't on the fence about Logos and thinking really hard about if I actually need what Ascalon offers#or else I would maybe try harder on the banner#despite the fact that Ascalon isn't actually the point of her own event#also I kinda wish she did actually get to be an agent#or an executor#but hey Kazdel events can now join Kjerag events in ���if the story is in this location then surely it won't suck and be quite awesome” tier
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Time for more eternal gales isat au, this time featuring Sier as Isabeau, creating a sprite I can never use next to Aris’ because despite my best efforts it would make them look tall
#keese draws#eternal gales#oc#oc art#isat#in stars and time#this one didn’t take nearly as long as the aris one but I think I suffered for it more from the clothes alone#siffrin made me forget I suck at drawing clothes rip#this was also harder because of how much trickier it was to try and adapt siers design to feel fitting enough for my standards#they have a very stylized design compared to most of the others#I kind of took the lazy route out by keeping most of their original shapes in tact but it’s fine#sier in this au would serve the needed role of emotionally intelligent bestie who is also too scared to cross boundaries to do much#but despite this I do think they’d actually get the suspicion quest in this au#mostly because mase is a furry artist not a nerd and sier would be more likely to look at aris and go bro. are you in a fucking timeloop.#it also differs in that aris doesn’t yell at sier abt it instead looping before they can finish because she can’t handle hearing them be#right on the money about this thing that she thought she was handling perfectly#she doesn’t want to fail them she doesn’t want them to realize she’s failed them she doesn’t want to be a burden she doesn’t want them to#‘realize’ they’re better off without her#aris is Incredibly resistant to accepting help on most serious issues because shes convinced that it’s her responsibility to deal with it#by herself and that if she can’t then she’s a failure and worse than useless#I mean in canon eternal gales she literally loses her eye and arm because of that#in this au she just lost them how sif lost his eye but she still has. complexes abt all that.#but yeah sier also differs wildly from isa in many Many other ways as does the rest of the cast from their assigned characters#for sier they rly aren’t the jock of the group at all instead being more of the guy who keeps the mood lighthearted at all times lest they#die of stress because the others haven’t said anything in a whole 30 seconds#aka they’re the self assigned peacekeeper who doesn’t actually need to constantly keep the peace because no one’s fighting but they still#feel like they need to so they dance and dance and dance for their friends until they collapse from exhaustion#metaphorically ofc#this is why they’re both terrified to confront aris when she starts acting a bit fucked up but also why they still do sometimes anyways#they talk abt this a lil bit in their friend quest as they talk abt how they want to change but are scared to
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i'm kind of amazed how most of the stardew marriage candidates just want you to be their manic pixie dream whatever by agreeing with everything they like and plying them with compliments or praise or whatever (which is fine but a bit. Much) but for shane his romance is just you being there for him while he figures his own shit out... dunno why i never wanted to romance him before he's so good
#i'm usually a sebastian kinda guy but i do think it's silly you have to say you like scifi to gain friendship points w him like cmon man#i will say though that. my bestie's baby daddy being named shane kinda does make it hard to like him 😭 unfortunate but not his fault#ik a lot of ppl are weird abt his recovery and his messy ass room bc they play stardew to make things look pretty or whatever#but i'm actually kind of glad he's a realistic depiction of addiction... the problem is his dependence on indulging in alcohol when he's#depressed not the fact that he drinks period... i think that a lot of ppl are unrealistic abt alcoholism (including me abt my dad's)#but concernedape did really good w him imo. anyways all this to say that i'm really glad shane never expects someone to be a certain way#i know most of the candidates are like. archetypes or whatever and i think that's fine they are very sweet and cute regardless but#i think maybe i didnt romance him before bc i related to him so badly that it hurt seeing myself reflected LMAO dead end life and being#suicidal about it like. i've never had a drug dependence but i'm not really in a position where i can ever make my own decisions anyways#but regardless. there is smth to someone who slowly warms up to you when they can't ignore your kindness any longer and have no reason to#act like an abused dog anymore which. does make me sad just to say but that is how he acts beforehand#idkkkkk idk i think people are always too caught up with his addiction and his messy room to actually see him without realizing that#getting better is a lot harder than it appears and that having a dirty room doesn't mean you aren't trying to be better. sigh#besides it's not like. the end of the world that he has a beer sometimes. have you tried going thru life completely sober? it sucks#ok im done LMAO but yeah i've found myself gravitating towards him this time around when i've romanced sebastian literally every playthru#til now. hmm!#ACTUALLY ONE MORE THING. i like how he's basically a twist on the classic useless husband trope in media where they love sports and drinking#but he's not a bad person and the only reason he's mean to you at first is because he hates himself and his own life and he makes an effort#the more you get close to him instead of the opposite. i like that a lot. ok now i'm done
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i want to remove my new shrimp's pringle bc i wanna whack people with the Plush Tube but it's sewn on so I'd have to use my seam ripper
it won't make holes and he will still have the pringle only he can share now
#it is the perfect size to whap people repeatedly with#fwhap whap fwap fwhp#it's only held on by a few threads it won't require me breaking any actual seams#i always Hate sewing on my plushies bc i Think i might fall under the POSIC umbrella? they feel alive to me#they feel like Guys and moreso they're Guys Who Cannot Communicate With Me In Any Form#so i have no way of knowing if I'm hurting them or their feelings and that makes me so so so anxious#when i am interacting with ANY creature even bugs I always try to pay attention to every form of communication i can esp body language#i always to make sure I'm doing as little damage as possible to everything even to my own detriment a lot of the time#but these guys can't. tell me when i hurt them :(#i try to. calm my mind down. by thinking of it like surgery#like. having a hole in you sucks!!! and yeah stitches hurt but it's better than having a painful hole AND the pain goes away later!#and sometimes surgeries need to be done to free up body parts that are trapped by other body parts#which is like. when plushies have their limbs sewn down to their bellies or something. gotta free their limbs up! its probably not fun#like i know what it's like to not have the OPTION to use your hands and if i could do a quick procedure to get them back? absolutely#human hands are a lot harder to reconstruct than fabric though
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damn i rly gotta worry abt buying groceries every week for the rest of my life... only 23 and i've had enough. you buy stuff you eat it and then ur fucked all over again!!! noooo 🫠🫠🫠😖😖😖
#and it sucks cuz i try to be active so my bank account is crying#cuz obviously you have to eat more to have energy to work out.. but that simply means more grocery shopping and suffering#actually now that i think of it i never hear anyone talk abt how working out may be harder if ur on a tight budget bc u gotta eat more often#hmmmmghh...#didn't realize how hard it would be to maintain til i was living it
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please pick friends u can argue or have misunderstandings with and actually communicate with immediately after like, it’s so fucking important
#like if anything I’ve learned the last couple years is fucking communicate#like actually#my family isn't really big on it and that's probably part of the reason I started writing so young#tried to break that with my niece and was mostly successful we fight but can actually discuss and work things out and talk#I always have encouraged her to express her damn feelings because my stereotypical scorpio sister is in there too so I had to drag it out#and I can be the same it’s hard for me but I try harder now than before#I’m always honest with myself but expression is hard I get it#like we fought the other day and when she came home l expected her to just go in her room#and she just stood there and looked at me like well??? like that one meme haha#and we talked instead#gotta break those generational curses man#but yeah holding people accountable and calling them out is needed sometimes and also apologizing and talking it the fuck out#even if it sucks….do it#set boundaries and u allow what u allow#I’m at the point of my life I just won’t tolerate certain things and that’s valid but also without communication#you’re not moving either way with clarity and clarity is everything#it’s ok to move on from any kind of relationship but were u honest first? was there clarity#and if nothing changes or you can’t find peace you can move on and compartmentalize that loss better because u tried first#I get some reasons don’t warrant any of that but overall#but yeah I do word things like a straight up bitch sometimes and yes u should tell me hahah#can piss eachother off and misunderstand eachother#but there’s paragraphs coming and that’s the important bit#I’m still learning but better than I was
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literally didn’t have to be this way. Harris could have had a better shot if she was being anything other than a fascist warmongerer who doesn’t listen to anyone but her monetary benefactors
#current events#this still sucks but like. voting third part and non vters wouldn’t have saved her. she needed to actually campaign#her whole entire campaign was just ‘well I’m not the other guy’. that’s not a campaign.#and her policies are ‘I love the military and aggressive border policies we’re going to also build a wall and bomb the world’#‘and also fuck everyone struggling for rights in America too. give me ur vote and I won’t preserve ur lives at all’#she did this to her fucking self. maybe they’ll try harder next time.
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Super heavy vent ahead in the tags
#bird chirps#vent#Talking about political stuff and suicidal ideation#But genuinely I cant anymore with this election. Im fucking terrified#Granted my dad’s a major pessimist and I think he lowkey enjoys others suffering#So his passionate rants about how we have no future and life isnt worth it if Trump wins definitely isnt helping#But holy shit Im actually terrified#Im trying to not crawl into the pit of despair but I really don’t know how life can go on worst case scenario#I cant delay my life four more years minimum for another recession/depression#I cant stay in this house and watch my rights get taken away#Theres just so much shit to be afraid of#And granted I live in a swing state. I think its still a swing state anyway since we tend to vote republican#So the campaigning here gets brutal#But it’s hard to stay positive when it seems like EVERYONE irl is so fucking pro trump#Im just praying theres a silent majority and that isnt the case#But God I cant fucking do this man#Situations where you have little to no control over the outcome are a fucking nightmare#I can vote so at least that’s something. But thats not enough to ease the anxiety#I need the outcome to be GUARENTEED and thats just not gonna happen#So I just sit here as shit gets worse and it’s harder to keep calm#And I dont have a good track record of having Safe Mental Health while in election times#So this just. Really fucking sucks#I hate when I get like this because it feels like such a major step back#And with an event THIS big its hard to push it all away as irrational and a mental health issue#Because my brain goes ‘Well LOGICALLY you WONT be able to go on so this is a correct way to think’#I hate it so fucking much#If Trump wins Ill pick up smoking or something. Fuck it#Deciding on an action like THAT is still less destructive than full on suicide plan#But I just. I cant fucking do this#Can I teleport to 2028 and just pray everythings okay
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i was telling myself it was okay that i sucked at guitar hero's easy mode at the arcade earlier and that no one was even paying attention to me but then my mom said there were 3 dudes watching me when she walked in
#MOM THAT'S THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT YOU SHOULD SAY#😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#i used to be decent at rockband but i haven't played since 2009#so when i was with my 6 year old sister at the mall's arcade i thought id try the guitar hero thing since it was only 50 cents#ummm guitar hero is harder? 😭 i was on easy aka only had to worry about 3 colours and i still missed ⅓ of them 😭#i used to get perfects on hard#my goofy ass hand wasn't even on the right colours at first#also i was startled by how fucking LOUD it was#if id known itd be that loud i wouldnt have touched it#😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#i think the dudes who were watching were workers bc i saw them playing it while i was helping my sister with a game#anyways i love that genre of game and i wanna get clonehero but the guitars are so expensive 🧍🏽♀️#the arcade will have to deal w me sucking loudly#scarlett.txt#i tried to get my sister to play it but she didn't want to bc it was loud#i was babysitting while my mom got an oil change across the street#so that's why my mom showed up 30 mins later#anyways why is she going to a mechanic for an oil change did she forget im gay#i played a linkin park song cuz it was the only one on the list that i liked#guys where is the paramore the bullet for my valentine the my chemical romance#tbf i don't actually expect mcr on an arcade guitar hero#was there even a smashing pumpkins song on that bitch#today or mayonaise pls#there was a bunch of classic / dad rock songs which is to be expected but why were there less than 20#where do i file my complaint#they didn't even have soad
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Hmmm I kinda want to make a side blog for RPG Maker game development related things to be able to talk to more experienced people in that community, but at the same time I both don’t really think I’d get much attention and don’t want to accidentally spoil my own game (^^ ; ).
I have a rough story, concept doodles, a tileset, some character sprites, an enemy that walks around but can’t initiate battle yet (if I even decide to have a battle system), a couple rooms with some events, and a functioning run button, but I’m still lost on how to do much else at the moment. Especially since this program has the ability for scripting, meaning I’ll probably have to learn and actually retain another coding language.
So, I’m not very far at all lol. Idk how well that’d go over on the established fandom website, but eh.
#text post#incoherent rambling#project update#game project#I’m still also debating whether or not I can actually even make a proper horror game too#It’s the rule of like just being a horror fan doesn’t make you good at horror being afraid of something does? ya know?#I am trying to go with things that scare me personally but it’s been difficult#either things aren’t concrete of concepts enough or are wayyyy too oddly specific to make anything about#which is quitter talk I know but how does one translate the childhood heebee jeebees of watching top ten gaming videos past bedtime 💀💀💀#or like the way too broad general fear of lack of control without making it too on the nose or too vague#truly a balancing act writing is#kinda ironically I am also a little bit less afraid of hospitals after having been to one for myself rather than family members#which makes things both more and less difficult???#on one hand I have better references for them now but on the other hand I’m desensitized to it 😔#I think I get used to things a little too easily for a lot of things to stay scary#the thing was a scary movie the first time I saw it and now it’s a comfort film#funger was a very scary game until I first died and reloaded a save with little consequence and now it’s just a spooky but fun rpg#but then at the same time thinking about a movie studio logo before a movie that scared me as a kid cause there was a monster in it#still gives weird left over shivers but actually seeing it doesn’t anymore for some reason#I feel like that’s how it’s worked with most things I’ve ever been afraid of in my life besides concepts like death control or idk drowning#ugh writing is HARD#but actually making a functional and fun to play game is harder oh my god do I not know how to make puzzles#I have made swivel chairs that can be knocked and walked over but that’s about it and idk what to do with that knowledge lmaooooo#and I don’t want the entire gameplay loop to be read text search room get key repeat cause that’s boring#I have also desperately tried making a stamina system but there’s not much help with that online especially not in the rpg maker forums#the no necroposting rule sucks all the threads for questions I have never get answered and never will cause no one is allowed to due to age#anyway idk what to tag this probably won’t get seen since it’s not my usual anyway but eh whatever I’ll think about this#hopefully I remember the passwords to two blogs 💀💀💀
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