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scarletwidowaf · 4 years ago

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Ghost Of You - Chapter 4

AN: this is my favorite chapter so far! Its Mostly fluff and wholesome. Again, didn't checked mistakes so I'm sorry in advance .

words count: 1880

masterlist | story index | AO3 | wattpad

The two ex-avengers were lying on their motel shared bed.

The place was in a pretty good condition which was a nice change after the last 4 motels the group found themselves at.

Natasha was lying under the covers, her red long hair in a messy bun and a book in hand.

Next to her, Wanda was sleeping peacefully.

The younger woman was finally getting better after the brutal cold she suffered from in the last few days.

Natasha couldn't help but appreciating how cute and peaceful she was.

Her hair messy, nose red and cheeks flushed.

Thats how their evening went.

Wanda peacefully sleeping while Natasha reading a book and glancing at the younger woman every now and then.

At some point, when Natasha glanced at the brunette next to her she met with green eyes, who were watching her curiously

Natasha couldn't help but smiling at the sight in-front of her.

"Is everything okay?" She asked.

Wanda nodded weakly.

"You love reading, dont you" wanda asked.

"I do. It was something i loved doing ever since i was a kid."

"Why?"

"Many reasons, its comforting and enjoyable and in a way, its an escape, even if its just momentarily"

"Do you feel the need to escape?"

"Like right now? From this bed?" Natasha asked confused, a small smile on her lips.

Wanda smiled but didn't answer.

"So, What are you reading this time?"

"The Catcher in the rye. Its a classic"

"Is that so? Will you read to me?" Wanda asked, her cheeks getting flustered (even more than it already was).

"You dont have to of course, i didn't really thought how weird it might seem-" wanda ramble and Natasha smiled before moving her attention back to the book.

"That's the thing about girls. Every time they do something pretty, even if they're not much to look at, or even if they're sort of stupid, you fall in love with them, and then you never know where the hell you are. Girls. Jesus Christ. They can drive you crazy. They really can."

She read out loud, cutting the girl mumbling.

Natasha looked at wanda again.

The younger girl's body was pressed to her side, as she was clinging to her for warmth. Wanda looked at Natasha with a smile.

"Making sure I'm listening?"

"Something like that" she responded.

Wanda smiled at her. Her eyes sparkle.

That moment Natasha couldn't help but smile.

'Jesus christ', she thought, 'they really can'

____

"Natasha?"

Wanda felt stupid as she called Natasha's name into air.

How do you even call a dead person? She thought.

The young woman stood in the middle of the no where in particular, not far from her cabin.

A red pickup truck parks not far and its headlights illuminate the woods, where it begin to darkened.

The sun was half way down and the sky was painted in beautiful shades of orange, red and purple.

Wanda chose this spot because of the beautiful view it revealed, a small waterfall was pouring from a spot not far from her and into a lake. It was truly a sight.

Wanda really thought things trough this time.

she wasn't sure what the future holds for the two women but she was tired of wasting their precious time with fighting and crying over their bad luck. So she organized a date for them.

She spread a big mat on the floor and layered it with many blankets and pillows and even lit some candles around them, far from something that could catch fire yet close enough to light the space.

She even organized a picnic basket full of food and snacks natasha loved and some surprises for the date.

And most importantly she was definitely dressed to impress.

A high waisted skinny jeans, the ones who made her ass look extra good and she knew Natasha liked (she knew that since she wore it a few days before the snap when the two women traveled in the streets of Paris and natasha's thoughts were very loud while she walked behind her)

With a white top who didn't leave much space for imagination, cleavage and toned stomach were visible and wanda just hoped the weather will stay as warm as it was.

After shouting natasha's name over 10 times the younger woman got frustrated.

Wanda was about to give it up, sit and cry while eating cake but when she was about to turn around she met with Natasha smiling at her.

The older woman was dressed differently, which was odd, it seems like although she was dead she could do almost everything (except touching wanda which was frustrating enough), she could hold a book and read, she could eat food (although hunger was never an issue for her) and she could change clothes.

When they found out the older girl could do that natasha was pleased, relieved to change into something that wasn't the clothes she died with.

Natasha was leaning against wanda's truck, an amused smile painted on her red lips.

"You called?" She said with a lighter tone and wanda sigh in frustration.

"How long where you watching me like a creep, romanoff?"

"Long enough" natasha moved from tree to wanda's side. Her eyes scanning Wanda.

"I was just enjoying the view" she said. Her tone flirty.

To make things worse she even bit her lip, making wanda's cheeks grow red.

Wanda smiled before she sat on the pile of blankets and waited for natasha to occupy the spot next to her.

"Do I'm making you feel uncomfortable?" Natasha asked when she sat.

"Not at all nat. Im just not used to get this kind of attention. You were always holding yourself back and vision was.. you know.. vision" wanda confessed.

Natasha smiled softly.

"Well, i was a coward and vision was vision so.."

Both women smiled at each other. Their eyes sparkle with joy.

"So, what's up with the setting, not that I complain" the older women said as her eyes traveled to wanda's outfit.

"I wanted to arrange something for you. As a apology for bringing you back purely"

"You always arrange a super romantic date in the middle of the woods as an apology? Because if this is the case i think i deserve many of those after all this time"

Natasha joked and wanda rolled her eyes.

"You're an ass you know that?"

"Ive been told"

"So, what's in the basket?" Natasha asked.

Instead of answering Wanda opened it lid and pulled out the first item. A headpiece she made herself.

Natasha stared at the white flower crown with confusion.

"Why-" she started asking and wanda cut her off.

"I made this for you. For your birthday"

"Okay first of all: This is not my birthday and you know it, and two: you remember I'm dead, right?" Natasha said with a raised eyebrow, yet didn't show any sign of resistance when wanda put it on her head.

"I know its not your birthday, but I missed 5 years of life, so i think i deserve an extension"

Wanda couldn't help her smile when she saw Natasha with the crown. The older girl's cheeks were a bit flushed and she bit her bottom lip to hold her smile. Her green eyes sparkle with joy and warmth.

"I love it" natasha admitted

"Good, because there's a cake too"

"Of course there's a cake" natasha said in amusement.

Wanda smiled brightly before she turned back to the basket and started to take out the edible items in it.

Natasha couldn't help her staring, the younger woman was beautiful, just as she remembered and even more. The Wanda Natasha was looking at at this moment was not the same Wanda she remembered.

It was like wanda somehow managed to grow up at her absence and natasha couldn't help but appreciate the women she became.

"Are those burgers from bob and Amy's?" Natasha smiled and wanda nodded

"I know that they're your favorite" wanda said as she pass Natasha her burger.

"You're kinda perfect you know that?"

"Ive been told"

By the time they finished their burgers while holding a general conversation the sun was already gone and the only light that's been left was the from the candles and wanda's truck headlights.

"You should turn off your lights" natasha said with a smile and wanda did as she was told.

It was dark except for the soft candle light.

"Now i can barely see you" wanda pouted.

Natasha smiled.

"Dont pout. It makes me sad because i cant kiss it away"

Wanda stopped pouting.

"I think I found a solution for that" wanda said and natasha raised her eyebrow.

"I found out what went wrong in the first place and i think i can fix it."

"why me wanda? Why not your brother? Your parents? Vision?"

Wanda looked down at her lap, her eyes glitter with tears.

"Its been too long for them, there's only a short window of time where it can be preformed."

Natasha smiled sadly.

"I know there's a catch wanda. What will it cost?"

"Its nothing i cant handle"

Wanda whispered.

Natasha bit her lip.

"No"

Wanda's eyes widened.

"Nat-"

"No." The older woman repeated.

"So what? Do you want to stay like these forever and hurt the both of us in the process?" The pain was visible in wanda's eyes.

"Of course not wanda" natasha whispered while her eyes traveled wanda's face. Aching to touch it.

"Then what?" Wanda asked.

"I think you need to let me go."

"No."

"Wanda-" natasha tried her again but got cut off.

"I refuse to let you die" wanda said with anger.

"Im already dead wanda"

"You dont get it, do you? I love you! Let me save you. You said you're a selfish person natasha, than prove it and choose to stay"

Wanda's tears were smudging her makeup and natasha sigh in defense.

"I love you too"

"So stay" wanda begged.

Natasha smiled sadly at wanda before she pulled the basket to her lap and pulled out a small vanilla flavored cupcake wanda brought and took a bite of it.

"Theres something i wanna try. Close your eyes" she said and wanda looked at her confused.

"Just do it, ill be here when you'll open them again" natasha said before she took another bite.

Wanda did as she been told.

Before she could open her mouth to say anything she felt soft lips ghosting over hers and a hint of vanilla flavored cake.

The younger girl was taken back.

She could almost feel natasha's lips and if she tried hard enough she could almost feel her breath.

Almost.

When she opened her eyes she found Natasha taking another bite from the cake with a small sad smile tugged on her lips.

"That's the thing about girls. Every time they do something pretty.. ..you fall in love with them, and then you never know where the hell you are." (-the catcher in the rye)

#wanda maximoff #wanda x natasha #natasha x wanda #wandanat #natasha romanoff #Black Widow #Scarlet Witch #Avengers

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xmalereader · 5 years ago

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The Mandalorian X Eatherian Reader

|| Masterlist ||

Summary: Reader is from earth and stumbles upon the mandalorian, suddenly joining his adventures.

Warnings: Fluff, language

How they meet ;

It was finally Friday, Y/n was exhausted from classes and just wanted to get home and throw himself into bed, ignoring all of his calls and texts from hsi friends and just block out the world. It’s been a while since he’s last spoken to his parents, actually its been almost three years since he’s last spoken to them, he got lucky enough to still be in college before his parents cut him off, forcing him to work two jobs and late night shifts to earn the money he needed for his classes.

He doesn’t like it when others help him, it makes him feel weak at times but their are other times when he really wishes he could get some help. Just a little nudge is all he wanted.

Yet, here he is wandering around the woods in a black hoodie and dark jeans, he was wearing his favorite converse as he steps over some puddles and jumps over a few logs. After lessons he would take his usual walks in the woods, he enjoyed the smell of the trees and the after smell of rain. It relaxed him and brought him some good memories of his past, even though he was still trying to forget the bad ones. Y/n has his headphones on with music playing in the background, he tears off a branch from a tree and swings it around, finding a clean patch of mud he bends down to start drawing out random things that came into mind.

He was so focused on his drawing that he didn’t even notice a small like green creature approach him. The small creature stares at the young adult in curiosity, tilting his head to the side as his ears twitched, listening to the other hum and sing as he watched him draw in the mud. The small child slowly approaches and without thinking it reaches out to place its tiny hands on the mud in front of the adult male.

Y/n raised a brow in confusion at the strange small hand, looking up slowly his eyes widen. His eyes meet a pair of large black ones, panicking, he falls back on his bottom and quickly moves away from the creature. “What in the-“ before he began to ask himself questions he noticed the small green creature coo at him and giggle, his ears wiggling in excitement as he watched the others reaction.

“What the hell are you?” He asks softly and Sits himself up, he crawls over to the kid on all fours and looks at him up and down. “Hm, you are pretty cute.” He admits with a small smile, reaching out to take the child tiny hands into his own. Y/n didn’t seemed fazed by this, I mean he’s literally sitting in front of an unknown species that came form who knows where and its adorable as hell!!

“Whoa, easy...” Y/n whispered to the kid, it slowly finds its way in between his legs, sitting itself down on his lap and lets out a small squeak. Y/n chuckled at the kids little noises, he found them adorable to listen too. “Hate to sound rude or anything but where are you from?” He picks up the kid and removes him from his lap, setting him down in front of him and continue to exam him, hopping to find a hint of a known species.

As he reaches to touch the child’s ears he hears a mechanical voice say. “Get away from him!”

Y/n flinches in surprise and pulls his hand back, looking up to see a man, or what he hopes is a man, wearing an armor suit and helmet that covered his entire face. “I didn’t mean to touch him.” He quickly blurts out and stumbles to stand up.

The mandalorian held out his blaster towards the Earthian. He’s heard about these kinds of people and planet earth, he’s heard rumors going around that earth was a planet that was off limits to everyone, including the empire which surprised him the most. He’s heard the earth wasn’t allowed to be tracke doesn’t or put into their grids, no one had the audacity to visit earth but now that the empire was no longer around, who’s going to stop the mandalorian from trying to visit? The first night that he landed he made sure that he was quiet and unseen, he didn’t want to attract to many eyes and he was only going to be their for a short amount of time. He was simply going to check if their was anything that they could us for their next trip but of course, the kid suddenly decides to wander off without the mandalorian noticing. That damn kid always stuck next to him and now he suddenly decides to wander on his own? He spent hours searching for the kid only to find him interacting with an Earthian.

“I said get away from him.” His voice is full of venom, glaring under his helmet, he adjusts his blaster. The Earthian lets out a nervous laughter as he slowly stands up, “Look, I don’t want to cause trouble and neither should you so please, lower the gun, or whatever that thing is.” He held his hands up as if showing the mandalorian that he wasn’t going out hurt the kid.

The mandalorian steps forward and bends down to pick up the child, turning to look at the kid he frowns.”Womb rat.” He randomly says, earning a slight whimper in return from the kid.

Y/n was watching the two interact, taking this as his chance to make a run for it. He slowly takes a few steps back and glanced over his shoulder to find a quick way back home without causing any trouble and he also didn’t want to die, not yet. He takes another step backwards, “Don’t move.” He froze in place, hearing the mandalorian speak to him. Y/n turns to gaze at the man and bites his lip, “What is an Earthian like you doing out here?” The mandalorian asks in curiosity, he’s been staying in these woods for awhile now and he hasn’t seen any Earthians around which gave him the thought that Earthians hated the woods.

“Earthian?” Y/n raised a brow at the name he was given. “You’re not from around here are you?” He asks, ignoring the others question.

The mandalorian lowers down his blaster, “You Don’t know about us?”

“About us? About what?”

The mandalorian gave the Earthian a surprised look, everyone knew about earth and how it was forbidden to visit but he didn’t expect the Earthians to know nothing about them. “About the galaxy and other planets.” He responds.

Y/n could only give him a dumbfounded look, “I don’t think so, we only know that plants from Pluto to the sun so like,” he shrugs. “We don’t explore space as much since we aren’t that advanced.” Y/n lowers down his arms, noticing the other lower down its gun. “Look I don’t want to cause trouble, I was just walking around like usual and minding my own business until-“ he points over to the kid. “He randomly showed up, I didn’t hurt him, I may have touched his tiny hands but that’s it!” He quick says, defending himself before he could get himself killed by the strange guy.

The mandalorian holds the kid close under his arm, he gave the other a look before he puts away the blaster. “Your not from around here are you?” Y/n suddenly blurts out.

“And you don’t know anything about us.” He said back.

“Okay listen child, if you could explain to me everything in a better way then maybe I can help you or something.” His sass was showing as he leans against a tree with his arms crossed, a frown covering his face.

The mandalorian was taken back by the guys sudden sass, he felt offended when he was sudddnely called a ‘child’ when he wasn’t. “What exactly can you help me with? You earthlings are considered weak and scared.”

Y/n gasps, “For your information I am not weak nor afraid! I can help with things wether they are big or small I can do it!”

“Can You repair a ship?”

The other stutters once he was asked if he knew how to repair a ship. “W..what kind of ship?” The mandalorian lets out a deep sigh and turns around to head back towards his own ship, expecting Y/n to follow behind him as he carries the child back to their ship. Y/n follows close behind the strange man, he grips his shirt softly and looks around, his eyes landed on a large ship which caused his eyes to widen. “Holy shit—“ he breathes out in shock.

He examined the ship, walking around in circles, he gently touched the metal and breaths out a gasp. “Holy crap this is real, this is actually real.” He chuckled out. The mandalorian set done the child and allows him to roam around but close enough for him to see where he was gong. “Think you can fix it?”

“Fix it?” Y/n raised a brow. “Where ever your from, this thing probably has something that earth doesn’t have. I mean, Look at it!!” He held his arms out and gestured towards the large ass ship that he was standing next too. “I know a little bit about machinery and engineering but what you have here is nothing compared to earth, its like...different.” He shrugs and exams the side of the ship and ran his hand through some black liquid, “This isn’t fuel is it?” He question with a worried look on his face. The mandalorian sighs in disappointment, he was stuck on this planet for who knows how long. He has to get off of it and quick. “Can you try to repair it?” He ignores the others questions, he was desperate to get going.

Y/n bites his lip, glancing around before sighing as well. “I can try but I cant keep any promises that it’ll work well.” He warns and pulls out his phone to check the timing and his schedule. “Your lucky that I don’t have any classes tomorrow or else I would’ve spent the rest of my weekend watching movies.”

The mandalorian could only stare at him from under the helmet, confused by what the other was saying, he decides to ignore it and not question it. “Just get the material you need to fix it.”

“JUsT gEt tHe mAtErIaLs—“ Y/n mimics back with a slight tone of irritation. “Ill get you your damn materials.” He hissed back. The mandalorian glared back, this guy was slowly getting on his nerves. “Just do it.”

“Of course, sir.” Y/n puts his pone away and looks up at the sky, “It’s almost twilight, Best I get back home. I’ll come by early in the morning with the materials to fix your ship and then after that you can continue on with your journey or something.” He shrugs. “So do me a favor and keep yourself hidden because humans on this planet around so friendly with things they’ve never seen before, especially with the kid around. If anyone comes by and sees him, they wont hesitate to hurt him.” He explains in warning. Earth may seem peaceful but it was actually hell for Y/n.

People were getting killed everyday and wars were raging on everywhere and society was just getting worse. He feels a little envy towards the man, Y/n sighs while slipping his hands into his pockets. “Ill see you in the morning oh, and one last thing, what’s your name?” He asks.

The mandalorian was fixing up his bag that was sitting outside of the ship. “People call me Mando.”

“Seriously? Mando? You know if I’m going to be helping you then I might start calling you bob or something.” He cocks his head to the side. “Mando is fine, nothing more.”

“Whatever you say.” Y/n rubs his face and groans. “Anyways I’m gonna get going and you better take my advice also my name is Y/n in case you were wondering...bye now.” He waves goodbye and began to head back, following the trail that lead him to the main streets.

The mandalorian watched the other leave, he turns to speak to the kid. “Earthlings are very strange espically the way they talk.” He earns a small giggle in return from the kid.

#male reader #the mandalorain #the mandalorian x male reader #dyn jarren x male reader #dyn jarren #reader #pedro pascal #pedro pascal x male reader

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cockbiteproductions · 5 years ago

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primed to scream PRIMES! PRIMES! PRIMES!!

f i just typed the answer to most of these questions and chrome crashed so christ i have to fucking retype all these but much condensed because i am lazy.

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

chocolate bars. but only milk. my mom buys exclusively Very Dark Chocolate though so i usually just stare at those and Wish.

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

well bubblegum or cotton candy flavored stuff neither they both taste nauseating. if we’re talking about the actual stuff then bubblegum because i can pop it. this actually reminded me i have gum in the pantry from the beginning of the semester i havent even opened yet so now my roommates have you to thank for popping noises the next hr or so

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

soda bottles because i dont like to drink soda quickly and so i want to close it and not let the carbon dioxide escape. soda cans a close second because it’s satisfying to open the tab.

7. earbuds or headphones?

wired earbuds because headphones are too big and clunky and you cant easily lay on your side with headphones on. but if my next pair of earbuds break within a month i might consider Switching because ive had 3 break on me in the past month and half and im at my wits end with earbuds.

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

i dont eat much for breakfast cause i want to sleep in until the last possible moment and i get stomachaches when i eat a lot in the morning but ill eat a piece of bread and yogurt maybe.

13. lanyard or key ring?

key ring but that’s just because i havent used a lanyard before. i think i would like a lanyard. im constantly looking for my keys in bags.

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

this pair of black sandals that i have tan lines on my feet from how much ive worn them

19. sleeping position?

ill sleep however... i like sleeping on my left side. on my stomach with my head to the right. on my back with my arms crossover my chest to keep warm. at the end of the bed with my head where my feet should be. i dont move at all when i sleep so freshman year when i had a lofted bed i think my roommate was a bit concerned in the beginning when i refused a bedrail because she thought i might fall. i never fell which was nice.

23. strange habits?

oh man idk i probably have a lot of those but nothing i can think about right now when im being put on the spot.

in elementary school i used to refuse to step on the yellow tiles at school.

29. best way to bond with you?

talk to me about the stuff i love!!!! and watch the stuff i love with me!!!! i am always down to [whatever the rabb.it replacement is these days] stuff with people and just generally both yell at each other and be passionate about stuff. currently what im passionate about is the stuff im screaming over at @winstonbillions so talk to me about that stuff!! please. i am always 3 seconds from screaming about ANY of that stuff.

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

idk about outfits to kick ass and take names but i have outfits where i get my ass kicked and name taken aka what i wear to exams. which is my tower of pimps shirt which ive deemed lucky. is it lucky in any way? no, but i’m hoping if i wear it enough to exams it might.

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

duffel bag. suitcases are so large and unwieldily. that reminds me i have a suitcase of winter clothes in my trunk i need to take out.

41. last person you texted?

as in actual texts on my phone? that would be my dad. asking him if i should drop my class im failing.

as for the last person i instant messaged, that would be one of my mutuals through my musical theater sideblog im currently yelling at about [musical theater related interest]. im not kidding guys talk to me about the stuff i post about on @winstonbillions PLEASE

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

2 months ago i would have said hoodie but im kinda becoming a cardigan kind of person now. theyre just Soft and and Long and Casual and i love them. hoodies are too hard to take off.

47. favorite type of cheese?

mild cheddar, american, and mozzarella. i actually only Recently started cataloging cheeses in my brain to their actual names so for my entire life i was like i just like cheese even though there are certain ones i hate like swiss and blue cheese.

53. what is the current state of your hands?

a bit cold and a bit tired from typing all the answers to all these asks tbh. but other than that good. i just cut my nails because they were atrociously long.

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

“worm” or “fuck” or “no!” according to my roommate

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

oh my ogdokh oym ogdos sd fdospohm to mo edf ucmign fugod mfyo uacant just ask me this im going to absolutely die

in absolutely no order, all from completely from memory, and favorite for a variety of different reasons

“fuck you, math man. if you’re such a genius why can’t you count to loyalty” - mafee in 4x11 lamster billions

“captain, he think, and feels that much more powerful” - luminousbeings in you don’t have to (say yes) the star trek fic

“more than you know, i understand wanting to walk away from the jedi”“i know.” - anakin skywalker and ahsoka tano in 5x12 the wrong jedi star wars the clone wars

“i won’t leave you, not this time.” “then you will die” - ahsoka tano and darth vader in 2x12 twilight of the apprentice star wars rebels

“there is nothing so pure as a man on a mission. when faced with the fire, never quivers or runs. there is nothing so noble as sticking together, for lonely is the life lead when sticking to its guns." - narrator in bloodsong of love by joe iconis

“now i’ve got myself a name and i’m ready to risk it with a battle cry disguised as a sing-along” - never heard nothing by joe iconis

“i’m frickin done with being the loser, the wuss, the underdog. being the misfit, the old school analog. being the oddball, the weakling freak. the failure, the sucker, the please-don’t-speak. oh i can’t hardly wait for the moment when i’m not the loser the geek or whatever, ever again” - jeremy heere in be more chill by joe iconis

“i’m tired of being the person that everyone thinks that i am” - various in be more chill by joe iconis

“q is for quantitative, baby!” - winston in 4x12 extreme sandbox billions

“the cheering is just as important as the song” - lisa and ms. werring in the black suits by joe iconis

“first, best destiny” - spock in star trek ii wrath of khan

“be proud of your place in the cosmos. it is small, and yet it is. how unlikely. how fantastic, and stupid. and excellent.” - cecil in welcome to night vale old oak doors part b

“are we living a life that is safe from harm? of course not. we never are. the questions is are we living a life that is worth the harm?” - cecil in welcome to night vale parade day

“as I turned and my eyes beheld you, i displayed emotion. i beg forgiveness.” - spock somewhere in star trek tos

“the sky collapsed without a sound. these broken pieces hit the ground. the rain fell down around me and i drowned, but i will save you.” - part of me from dear evan hansen

“this is, after all, the story of how i died” - epsilon in the rvb13 trailer

“and while the law has many punishments for the atrocities we inflict on others, there are no punishments for the terrors we inflict on ourselves.” - the director in the s6 finale of red vs blue

that was in no way an exhaustive list but all i could think of at the moment

67. good luck charms?

not really any tbh. i try to wear my tower of pimps shirt whenever i take an exam but that’s about it.

71. least favorite pattern?

what does this even fucking mean?????? i will say the observer design pattern in programming because i don’t understand it well despite having used it twice now.

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

oh god idk why are all these questions getting harder. nothing i can think of at the moment.

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

i say school id tentatively, but neither of them looks great. my school id photo was a selfie.

83. writing or drawing?

writing. i wish to GOD i could draw and i probably could if i put in the amount of time i need to to learn how to draw but im a lazy bastard. but i’m not that great at writing either as i’ve found out. everything is way too short and out of character and too venty and i am weird about letting people i know read what i write (sorry @ all the people who keep asking me to let them read my writing. it’s not that great you’re not missing out at all and i hate the Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known) and i abandon ideas literal minutes after getting them.

89. who would you put before everyone else?

what the fuck kind of question is this?????? i GUESS the answer should be me but uh i am not even putting myself before myself as i am procrastinating on a shitload of homework with this. i guess my “close” friends. they’re pretty chill. but generally ill do anything for anyone all you have to do is ask.

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

4, my own, my home landline, my dad’s cell, and my dad’s work.

#not rt #teresa answers stuff #long post #jesus christ sorry for the infodump #Anonymous

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puzzlepcice-a · 5 years ago

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LAYER ONE : THE OUTSIDE .

tagged by @merceditaes ( ty sm! ) tagging: the dash oop NAME. clementine ( clem ) marigold wright. EYE COLOUR. hazel HAIR STYLE / COLOUR. chocolate brown, in a side ponytail, shoulder-length and curly. HEIGHT. 5′2. CLOTHING STYLE. practical and layered with high boots and two sets of hoodies on with a denim stallion jacket. BEST PHYSICAL FEATURE. her eyes. if her mouth can’t say something, her nasty ass glare will.

LAYER TWO : THE INSIDE .

FEARS. water, dogs, winter, illnesses, trapped in a confined space. GUILTY PLEASURE. dancing. ( she can’t dance to save her life, but her and aj do victory-dances anytime one of them wins ) BIGGEST PET PEEVE. injustice. even if the rules are established enough and works for everyone else, clementine cant stand when the ones in the wrong get away with it. or be protected. AMBITIONS FOR THE FUTURE. she doesn't think too much about the future, but assuming she can hold out for that long, her ambitions are raising aj to be the man they can both be proud of.

LAYER THREE : THOUGHTS .

FIRST THOUGHTS UPON WAKING UP. how much she needs coffee. WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT MOST. if the hunting traps scored them any fresh rabbits, how aj is, how much medical supplies they have and other alternatives for food. WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT BEFORE BED. her parents, where kenny is----if he’s alive, how javi, gabe, and kate are doing----if they found a new community to thrive in, wondering if lee would be proud of her and what he would say/think if he saw her now. if she’s doing okay. WHAT YOUR BEST QUALITY IS. to her, her best quality would have to be her sense of observation. she takes keen noticed of details that many survivors miss, espesially the desperate ones, picking up on cues on whether someone is bullshitting or not to be trusted.

LAYER FOUR : WHAT’S BETTER ?

SINGLE OR GROUP DATES. group dates sound like less pressure, but she’s more about single dates to get to know the person one-on-one. TO BE LOVED OR RESPECTED. respected. she’s fought for respect since she was 11 that it seems more essential than being loved. and safer. BEAUTY OR BRAINS. brains. looks only get you so far. DOGS OR CATS. she doesn't do well with either. cats dont like her but she’ll try to make friends with a dog. a very, very small dog.

LAYER FIVE : DO YOU …

LIE. yes. if its to protect herself and the people she loves. BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. about 50 / 50. BELIEVE IN LOVE. of course. WANT SOMEONE. she does crave companionship, but its more at the back of her mind than anything else.

LAYER SIX : EVER BEEN …

BEEN ON STAGE. nope. DONE DRUGS. nope. CHANGED WHO YOU WERE TO FIT IN. definitely. to fit into the rougher communities she’s squatted in, she couldn't be the peacekeeper she tried to be when she was younger for other people. she needed to grow thicker skin, change how she spoke to people to earn her keep.

LAYER SEVEN : FAVORITES .

FAVOURITE COLOR. yellows and purples. FAVOURITE ANIMAL. wolves. FAVOURITE FOOD. apples. FAVOURITE GAME. she mostly played make-believe and tea-time with her dad!

LAYER EIGHT : AGE .

DAY YOUR NEXT BIRTHDAY WILL BE. november 2nd, 2020. HOW OLD WILL YOU BE. 19, but her canon verses are still set at 17. DOES AGE MATTER. not one bit. you can learn things at any age.

LAYER NINE : IN A PERSON .

BEST PERSONALITY. resourceful. you can count on her to go to any lengths to get you anything you need ----- if she cares about you enough. BEST EYE COLOUR. she has no preference for which one she likes best, all eye colors have something beautiful to them. BEST HAIR COLOUR. see above! BEST THING TO DO WITH A PARTNER. snuggling up with each other watching the sky.

LAYER TEN : FINISH THE SENTENCE .

I LOVE. the sound of laughter. I FEEL. like i’m getting better. I HIDE. from things that overwhelm me. I MISS. my childhood. I WISH. no one had to die.

#/ MANNERISMS

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dragonwitch77 · 6 years ago

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Death’s Flower ch 2

“Stupid kid. Stupid gods.” Snatcher grumbled, stomping down the seamlessly endless steps that descended down to his realm. A realm that only housed beings that had left the mortal world for good, where there is nowhere else to go when their life came to an end. A domain that had many names.

The Underworld. The Realm of the Death. The Underground. The Forsaken Place. The Domain of the Snatcher.

Pretty much those names were enough to fill in the mortals and gods alike of what was down there. Being the God of Death, souls of mortals were sent to his domain to be dealt with after their parting from the living world. It was his sole duty alone to do this task, whether he liked it or not.

And he didn’t mind it one bit.

In fact he liked that he was the God of Death. If it meant that others feared him and left him alone, then he didn’t mind reaping a couple hundred souls each day. It was fun to see others squirm in his presence, fearing when he might snap and attack them or prank them out of the blue. He may be the God of Death, but he had to have some fun once in a while.

He took in the site of his world as he reached the final step, standing on it as his eyes gazed over the world he ruled. Some would say that his domain was a dark place that didn’t even have a speck of light in it, but he could prove them wrong once they saw what a wonder his world was. It was like a kingdom of darkness, the only light coming from the pools filled with souls he had yet to judge, varying from bluish greens to deep purples and sky blue. As long as it wasn’t too colorful, his world was perfect.

“Boss! Boss!”

Almost perfect.

“What is it?” Snatcher sighed, stepping off the final step, letting the earth return to its natural state as it closed up behind him for another year before he could leave again.

His minion, one of many identical beings that swore their service to him, fell to the ground in front of him in a clumsy manor. Picking themselves up, they stood tall, or as tall as their pudgy small round body could only reach the height just half way to his knee. “Boss! Thank the Sisters you’re back! We just got a new batch of souls! It seems like a bunch a them had drowned.”

Snatcher rolled his eyes, sighing heavily. “That’s the third time this month. Honestly, how many idiotic mortals are going to die before they realize that fishing out in a storm is NOT a good idea?!” He walked past the minion, grumbling to himself as he went deep into his domain. “What’s the status on our current pools?”

“W-well, we’ve managed to sort out all the young and old into the pools they should go in. Few have tried to escape.” The minion followed behind him, listing off the things that had happened while the deathly ruler was gone. “The dogs were getting restless after you left so we set them lose on some damned souls to keep them occupied. A child recently died of an illness. Someone was stabbed to death. Moonjumper is here. And we still—OOF!”

The minion fell backwards, looking up at the long black hair of their master.

“I’m sorry.” The minion coward as Snatcher slowly turned around, his eyes illuminating in the darkness, staring down the minion. “Did I hear that right? Did you just say, Moon. Jumper. Is here?!” A deep growl emanated within Snatcher’s throat as his cape began dancing with power.

“I-I-I-I-I’M SORRY! We tried to send him away but he wouldn’t listen!” The minion shook with fear as the dark serge of Snatcher’s power radiated. “He insisted that he needed to see you urgently, but you weren’t here!”

“WHERE IS HE?!”

“AT THE TEMPLE! HE’S IN THE TEMPLE!” The minion openly wept as Snatcher growled with rage, running towards his home.

)*(

The home of the God of Death was, as the other gods described it, not as fancy or well lavished as all the other homes of the other gods and goddesses. It wasn’t made out of white stone marble, but black cracking earth and vines with sharp thorns that held it together. It was just as big as any home fit for a god, maybe even bigger than the rest of them, but was not very appealing to look at with crumbling pillars, broken floors, skeletons of the many deceased used for decorations and furniture, and bodies of past intruders hung on the ceiling to show as an example.

But while the other gods and goddesses would find the thought of going to such place disturbing if not revolting, there was in fact one god who did not mind Snatcher’s strange taste of design.

And the only god to get on his nerves.

“MOONJUMPERRRRR!” Snatcher screamed as he burst open the doors of his home, forgetting to restrain himself as his power tore the rotten wood off their hinges and clatter to the ground in pieces.

“Ah! So he finally arrives! Though I can see he’s quite angry as a beehive!”

Snatcher growled as he spotted the god sitting in his favorite chair with a bowl of grapes in his hand. “What are you doing here you pathetic excuse of a god?! You aren’t allowed in the Underworld without permission from me!”

The god merely grinned, plucking a grape and popping it in his mouth. “Permission from you? Oh how silly but true. While indeed most do, I however can pop in out of the blue.”

Snatcher stormed his way up to Moonjumper, slamming his claws into the seat’s armrests and growled dangerously. “I REALLY insist that you stop with your ridiculous habit of rhymes you—”

“Temper temper! There’s no need of this distemper!” Moonjumper rose from the seat, shoving the bowl in Snatcher’s hands. “I only came for a visit! Now that’s not such a crime, is it?”

The god giggled, going around Snatcher as he threw the bowl filled with fruit away. Most would say that the two were look similar to one another. But while their faces did seem to mirror each other, that is where the similarity ended. While Snatcher was thin, bony, pale skinned, golden eyes, had wild long hair that reached to the floor, covered in darkness and wore pants, Moonjumper was a class of his own with his short pure white hair, blue skin, bright red colored clothing with chains wrapped around his torso and neck, wild red eyes, and scars covering his face.

And majorly legless. Everyone could spot the lack of legs from miles away. And it was no secret to how he lost them in the first place.

“You little pest! How many times do I have to beat it in you that I do not want you here?! You have your own domain! Go use that instead of here!”

“I do not wish to be this pestering! I only dropped by to see what your mind is festering.” Moonjumper grinned, floated around Snatcher. “You seemed quite tense, I should know. Tell me, what’s bothering you so?”

“I don’t need to tell the likes of you!” Snatcher shoved past Moonjumper. “I know your tricks God of Corpses! Don’t think for a second that I won’t know what you’re up to!”

“But that is not true! I really came to see you!” Moonjumper followed him, keeping a distance between them in case the Death God decided to get a little… slashy. “Say all you want with your skilled tongue of lies, I can see it in your sad eyes.”

“Stop following me.” Snatcher growled. “I’ve already got enough to deal with, and your visit is not helping.”

“Indeed all this talking isn’t much help. Shouldn’t you be searching for the thieving little whelp?”

Snatcher froze in his tracks. He slowly looked over his shoulder, glaring at the other god behind him. “How… did you know something was stolen from me?”

Moonjumper clicked his tongue, waging his finger at Snatcher. “Oh silly Snatcher, can’t you see? There’s a connection between you and me. Though knowledge and memories we do not share, you tend to let you emotions go wild without care. Though it was only just very brisk, I could feel that the balance of the world is at great risk.” He grabbed to cloak that Snatcher never took off, pulling it up so that the tear was visible for both of them to see.

“For such a precious item that you deeply tend with care, seems that someone defiled it with a horrible tear.”

Snatcher swatted Moonjumper’s hands away, tugging the cloak close to him.

“This act is quite shameful, but who is very blameful? Mortal or god? This act has got me quite awed! For stealing a piece of the cloak that belongs to none other than you Snatcher, must be feeling deep satisfactory and rapture.”

“If it were a mere mortal that stole from me, they would die instantly when they touch the piece even by a little.” Snatcher glared at the tear. “No mortal can do such a task and get away with this without consequences. Even with help from another god, the task is impossible.”

“Ah! But to have a piece taken under your nose and gone! It seems that impossible was in fact improbable along.”

Snatcher shot a dirty look at Moonjumper. “… I don’t have time to deal with you. I have work that needs my attendance.” With that he stormed off, leaving Moonjumper to giggle madly at nothing.

)*(

“Thank you for coming Caitlin. I know this was sudden with what happened earlier today and with your help with the guests.”

“It’s no trouble! I was happy to help! Plus, I hadn’t had the chance to use my whip on someone for a long time now so I felt it was necessary for some practice.” Caitlin grinned, patting her trusted whip hooked on her belt. “Besides, I wanted to see the little cutie again~! I just can’t get enough of his tiny little fingers~!” The goddess purred, making Zaman laugh happily.

“Yes. Lyvia has certainly made a cute… child…”

“… Is something the matter?” Caitlin asked, noticing the sad look in Zaman’s three eyes.

“It’s nothing old friend. Just… Lyvia never showed any deep desire for anything other than looks before. I knew she had a soft spot for children, but… to go this far to make one. Without a partner no doubt. I… I honestly don’t know how to feel! I would never allow her to sleep with any man of course! She’s still too… too arrogant I fear. I feel like she only did it for attention and has no real desire to care for her daughter.”

“Zaman, old friend, do not worry!” Caitlin took Zaman’s hand between hers, grasping it tightly. “Your daughter is taking a big step. Motherhood is rewarding and learning. She will learn to be less immodest as she cares for her new child and learn to take her responsibility well. She now has someone who will depend on her and rely on her to take care of them. I’ve seen plenty of new mothers in my time and she’s no different.”

“But what if she strays from her duty as a mother? Children need constant care after all. I would know this well when Lyvia was but a small child herself and I had to raise her on my own.”

“Ah, but that is where you are wrong dear friend. You were not alone! You had friends who were willing to help. And now, your daughter has friends that are willing to help her raise her child when she is in need of that help.” She gave her friend’s hand a squeeze.

Zaman sighed, shaking his head with a smile. “You… are a very wise old friend. And very right. I’m still worried about her, but I will give her a chance at being a mother.” His smile grew wide as his three eyes gleamed with a spark of giddiness in them. “And it will be a joy to be a grandfather. After all, someone needs to spoil my grandchild!”

“Oh you!” Caitlin slapped his arm in good fun as the God of Time roared with laughter.

“Father? Caitlin? Can you come to the garden please?” Lyvia’s voice called out from the garden, catching both of the gods attention. They shared a look before heading over to the garden.

The garden was a beautiful place, filled with flowers and fruits, with decorations that wild the imagination of any mortal, and small animals that played in the trees and sang lovely songs gifted by the goddess herself. Lyvia was seated by the edge of one of the many lakes in the garden, watching the colorful fish swim about.

“Lyvia? Is something the matter child?” Zaman asked, approaching her quietly as her child was sleeping in her arms.

Lyvia continued to stare at the fish swimming in the water before slowly turning her gaze to the moon. “… Father? How, high are the walls surrounding the garden?”

Zaman, taken by surprise by the question, shared a glance with his old friend. “Well, very high my child. Why do you ask?”

Lyvia looked away from the fish, fixing her eyes on her father. “Is it not possible to make them higher? I… would like them to be taller.”

“Now why in the world would you want that? The walls surrounding the garden are very high already.” Caitlin questioned, one of her ears tilting down in confusion.

“I know they are high as they are now Caitlin. And you are right to question my sudden request.” Lyvia stood up slowly so not to disturb her child’s rest. “But, please understand. It’s for my child’s safety.”

“The walls are tall enough for you not to worry for her safety my daughter. I made them myself and with the finest builders! Why has this worry come upon you?”

“…”

“… It’s… because of him, isn’t it?” Caitlin’s ear flattened against her head, her tail dipping down low to the ground.

Zaman sighed. “Lyvia—”

“Please father! After what happened today, I’m worried for her safety! Not fearing the God of Death is one thing, but to laugh in his face is another! Have you ever met someone who has laughed in the face, the actual face, of death himself?”

Zaman’s mouth hung open, yet no words came out. “… well… no. I can not tell you who has done such a thing.”

“Exactly! You both have told me what he is like. He will not take this lightly! What if he tries to do harm to my child? Or worse, kill her?”

“Now now! There’s no need to worry about that!” Zaman placed his hands on Lyvia’s shoulders. “Snatcher has used his one day of walking on the surface of the living. And he may be the God of Death, but he’s never taken a life of a god before!”

“But… but what about the Dark Days?”

The two older gods cringed, looking away from Lyvia.

“… Snatcher… does tend to hold a bit of a grudge against others.” Caitlin spoke quietly, her tail swishing to and fro. “I’ve seen firsthand of what he can do when he’s pushed far enough. He can turn things rather ugly real quick.”

Zaman sighed, rubbing his neck. “He’s an unpredictable one. With a variety of tricks up his sleeve.”

“Please build the wall higher father! My child must be protected from his wrath!”

Zaman glanced at his daughter, looking deep into her pleading eyes and found great worry deep within them. He looked to his grandchild, seeing the peaceful look on her sleeping face. So innocent and untainted by the world.

“… fine.” Zaman sighed with reluctance. “I shall see to it that the wall gets built taller.”

“Thank you father!” Lyvia threw her arm around her father, hugging him tightly. “Thank you! Thank—Oh!” Lyvia pulled back as her child started to cry. “My poor baby, did mommy startle you? Oh, I’m sorry.” She rocked herself, heading off for her chambers.

Caitlin watched as the young goddess walked away, turning to her old friend with a deep frown on her face. “Would building the walls higher even make a difference? Snatcher is a crafty one and you know that walls won’t stop him if he really will go after her child.”

Zaman rubbed his chin, stroking his small beard. “He is crafty. Too cleaver for my taste, and, dare I say, smarter than me and the Sisters. And terrifyingly dangerous. I wouldn’t be surprised if he tries anything, but I’m sure he wouldn’t try anything so soon. But then again. It wouldn’t hurt to prepare and add a little guard to the place.”

“Yes, but would it be enough to stop him? He can be very persistent on his tasks, nothing will sway him from what he sets his mind on.” Caitlin huffed. “To think… he was once one of us on equal ground.”

“Now now. The past is behind us all Caitlin. What happened, happened. There’s nothing we can do now but more forward with time of the future.”

“… Zaman… how… how can you be the only god I know who doesn’t hold on to the past without a deep grudge? Everyone else seems to still hold it against him for what he’s done but you—”

“Caitlin, let’s just say for now that we all were young back then. Snatcher may almost be as old as me and older than you, but sometimes, you have to look at all angles before you see the whole picture.”

Caitlin stared at her friend for a moment before sighing and shaking her head. “I love you old fool, but sometimes, even with the clearness of a cat, you still remain a big mystery to me.”

Zanam smiled. “Because too much curiosity can kill the cat.” He laughed as Caitlin gave him a solid punch to the arm, leading her back inside for a few drinks before seeing her off that night.

#ahit #ahit au #ahit fanfic #a hat in time #death's flower au #snatcher #cooking cat #moonjumper

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ripplestudios · 6 years ago

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Deaths Promise

The sky was vividly red as the clouds became dark and menacing.

Nataline never seen the sky that way before. She had never seen something so menacing and dark that made it look beautiful to her view.

Her eyes stared onto the wide space above her. Her eyes full of mixed emotions. Her body was numb with pain. Somehow to her it felt very familiar. And the metallic taste of blood, coming out of her mouth was all her tongue could have taste. And it will be the last time that she will.

'Blood...' She noted mentally.

She looked over her body, and saw a pile of rubble over her legs. She couldn't feel them, but pain was screaming in her body. She didn't care as it was already familiar.

Her eyes scanned towards a metal stick that had pierced onto her abdomen.

And thats when it hit her. Her eyes blurred with tears as she held it. It was stained with her own maroon liquid that was seeping out from the deep wound that she had. "No...t-this isn't real.." She said and tried to stop the bleeding with her own hands, but she knew that it wouldn't work. No matter how hard she tried.

Nataline looked around and her mouth called out to someones name.

"...liza....E..liza....Eliz..a...."

She called out with her voice barely audible and hoarse as exhaustion and pain mixed that she needed help. She didn't want to die alone.

Her tears streamed down her face and sobbed hoarsely.

She knew that Terrance was watching, but she knew he didn't give a damn. That nerve he had of telling her off like that. It brought more frustration and pain to her state. She wanted him to help. To atleast be there when needed. That was his promise. But he broke it. She knew she couldn't trust him, yet why did she expect to come to her rescue.

He wont care about her.

And it hurt somehow, that even if she dies, the boy wont bat an eye. Just like all of their other team mates that fallen before her.

And now...she will join them soon.

Nataline cried as she covered her eyes with an arm over her head. She continued to sob and threw a coughing fit as blood came out of her mouth.

"E...liza.... Eliza...ple...ase.." She begged in pain as her other hand painfully clutched onto her stomach, as if to try and ease the pain away. "D..ont.....-"

"Crying like that wont bring her back from the dead." A voice interrupted all of a sudden.

That voice....it can't be....

Nataline turned her head to the side and saw Kazuo with his book open. She looked at him as tears continue to stream down her face. She glared at him softly.

"Kazuo....damn you...." She said through pain and gritted teeth.

"You have some nerve to swear Nataline." Kazuo mused with a soft smile, and crouched down next to her. "...just like your cousin." He whispered the last part sadly.

Nataline glared at him and tried to speak but was cut off as she coughed up blood again and cried helplessly. She knew her cousin was dead. But she wanted to see her body one last time before she goes. She could've died with her instantly, so that she wouldn't feel the pain and fear alone. And it frustrated her more that the person responsible for this mess, is the one accompanying her instead.

Kazuo didn't say anything to her for awhile, until he spoke.

"..you're afraid aren't you..?" He asked.

She stopped crying and became still. Is he mocking me..?

"I can see how the effect goes now...by killing Eliza first instantly and having you a slow death , results that you are fearful and guilty now for crossing and fighting me again. Such an amazing result." He smirked.

Nataline had enough.

In all her strength sat up and had her blood stained hands grabbed onto the collar of his cloak. And went to squeeze his neck. But weakly as she was already in pain from sitting up, and the stick pierced her gut more.

"Shut up....! You dont have...any right..! You dont care...! None of you do!!! No one would care for a bastard like me, no one would notice if i die, no one....would cry or miss me! I get it so shut up!!!!" Nataline yelled at the off guarded Kazuo, as she took him by surprise. "Yes...im scared. Im scared...to die. Im scared that I'll die with all the guilt of Eliza dying because of me...! Im scared....im scared....im scared....to die alone...with no one...to...to...ahh...." Nataline cried in pain as the stick pierced her back as she moved.

She clutched onto his cloak, as it stained with blood. She couldn't say anything else but her grunts and gasps of her dying breath and sobs. She was so tired....she wanted to die...but it was slow and painful. It was hell for her as it continued on.

Then suddenly, a hand was placed onto her back. Kazuo held her blood stained hands with his as he stroked her messy hair.

Nataline was surprised at the sudden action that the boy made.

But Kazuo just continued what he was doing.

"What...what are you..do..ing?" She asked weakly. And looked at his face with her tired and glassy eyes.

"I wanted to see what will happen if I accompany you for now..before you go on in the next life." Kazuo said evenly. He gave a look that was unsure to her. Why would he do that..? Why is he trying to make this more painful..why cant he finish me...? So many questions ran through her mind, and didn't notice Kazuo holding her close in a hug.

This man....why...?

"Its okay...you may not like it with me to be here in your dying moments. But ill be here until then...thats a promise." Kazuo smiled and untangled the knots of her once vibrant lilac hair.

Promise....what a peculiar word to hear...

Nataline didn't say anything as she was tired and in pain. She relaxed in his somewhat comforting embrace. It was warm....it felt....as if it was death himself.

"Death.....feels warm...." She said softly as her eyelids began to be heavy. And her breathing slowed.

"Death....awaits all who stand in my way, my dear. But i guess thats how you'll think of me for the last time, so it's alright." Kazuo chuckled and inhaled her scent.

Nataline hummed tiredly.

She held his hand weakly. Her whole body was trembling. Time was running out. And her vision started to fade.

Tears welled up in her tired, glassy eyes. She was still scared. Yet...in this embrace she had...she didn't want to leave.. Not yet..

Kazuo began to hum a small familiar tune. The lullaby of that movie....it was her favorite.

All her strength started to fade from her body. The color was soon fading from her once bright and beautiful face. Her eyes begin to be dull. It was almost time.

The music was starting to get softer for her to hear. Until it couldn't be heard anymore. With one last breath she spoke.

"T..hank....you....for keeping..your prom..ise..." She smiled as a tear escaped from her eye.

And before she could close her eyes.

She saw his face one last time trying to speak, but her hand fell limp and her eyes lost the life it had. And once again. She was left alone in the cold dark void. Where the traces of Kazuos warmth was no more.

"Sweet dreams, my lady.." Kazuo spoke and closed her eyes with his hands, and let her sleep eternally.

#short story #death #promise #Kazuo Harigawa #Nataline Amity Louise #oc ship #oc stories

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silver-whistle · 7 years ago

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More thoughts about Thomas Carlyle…

And his tripped-out take on the French Revolution.

I don’t think any of us here need feel embarrassed about drooling over the dashing young men of the Revolution, given how Carlyle drools over the women. Théroigne, Lamballe, Roland… He goes so far over the top, it’s ridiculous, and some of it patronising as hell. (And he wants to be Thor?!!!)

And as for the rest… This is the root of so much bad historiography and most of the bloody awful fiction about the French Revolution (Dickens, Orczy & c all based their vision of the Revolution on this truly barking book).

Behind the cut, Carlyle being overwrought and over-writing… Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Maria Teresa Luisa of Savoy-Carignan, Princesse de Lamballe:

Princess de Lamballe has lain down on bed: "Madame, you are to be removed to the Abbaye." "I do not wish to remove; I am well enough here." There is a need-be for removing. She will arrange her dress a little, then; rude voices answer, "You have not far to go." She too is led to the hell-gate; a manifest Queen's-Friend. She shivers back, at the sight of bloody sabres; but there is no return: Onwards! That fair hindhead is cleft with the axe; the neck is severed. That fair body is cut in fragments; with indignities, and obscene horrors of moustachio grands-levres, which human nature would fain find incredible,—which shall be read in the original language only. She was beautiful, she was good, she had known no happiness. Young hearts, generation after generation, will think with themselves: O worthy of worship, thou king-descended, god-descended and poor sister-woman! why was not I there; and some Sword Balmung, or Thor's Hammer in my hand? Her head is fixed on a pike; paraded under the windows of the Temple; that a still more hated, a Marie-Antoinette, may see. One Municipal, in the Temple with the Royal Prisoners at the moment, said, "Look out." Another eagerly whispered, "Do not look." The circuit of the Temple is guarded, in these hours, by a long stretched tricolor riband: terror enters, and the clangour of infinite tumult: hitherto not regicide, though that too may come.

[Except most of this didn’t happen…]

Manon Roland:

Among whom, courting no notice, and yet the notablest of all, what queenlike Figure is this; with her escort of house-friends and Champagneux the Patriot Editor; come abroad with the earliest? Radiant with enthusiasm are those dark eyes, is that strong Minerva-face, looking dignity and earnest joy; joyfullest she where all are joyful. It is Roland de la Platriere's Wife! (Madame Roland, Memoires, i. (Discours Preliminaire, p. 23).) Strict elderly Roland, King's Inspector of Manufactures here; and now likewise, by popular choice, the strictest of our new Lyons Municipals: a man who has gained much, if worth and faculty be gain; but above all things, has gained to wife Phlipon the Paris Engraver's daughter. Reader, mark that queenlike burgher-woman: beautiful, Amazonian-graceful to the eye; more so to the mind. Unconscious of her worth (as all worth is), of her greatness, of her crystal clearness; genuine, the creature of Sincerity and Nature, in an age of Artificiality, Pollution and Cant; there, in her still completeness, in her still invincibility, she, if thou knew it, is the noblest of all living Frenchwomen,—and will be seen, one day. O blessed rather while unseen, even of herself! For the present she gazes, nothing doubting, into this grand theatricality; and thinks her young dreams are to be fulfilled. […]

Noble white Vision, with its high queenly face, its soft proud eyes, long black hair flowing down to the girdle; and as brave a heart as ever beat in woman's bosom! Like a white Grecian Statue, serenely complete, she shines in that black wreck of things;—long memorable. Honour to great Nature who, in Paris City, in the Era of Noble-Sentiment and Pompadourism, can make a Jeanne Phlipon, and nourish her to clear perennial Womanhood, though but on Logics, Encyclopedies, and the Gospel according to Jean-Jacques! Biography will long remember that trait of asking for a pen "to write the strange thoughts that were rising in her." It is as a little light-beam, shedding softness, and a kind of sacredness, over all that preceded: so in her too there was an Unnameable; she too was a Daughter of the Infinite; there were mysteries which Philosophism had not dreamt of!

Anne Théroigne:

But where is the brown-locked, light-behaved, fire-hearted Demoiselle Theroigne? Brown eloquent Beauty; who, with thy winged words and glances, shalt thrill rough bosoms, whole steel battalions, and persuade an Austrian Kaiser,—pike and helm lie provided for thee in due season; and, alas, also strait-waistcoat and long lodging in the Salpetriere! Better hadst thou staid in native Luxemburg, and been the mother of some brave man's children: but it was not thy task, it was not thy lot. […]

One thing we will specify to throw light on many: the aspect under which, seen through the eyes of these Girondin Twelve, or even seen through one's own eyes, the Patriotism of the softer sex presents itself. There are Female Patriots, whom the Girondins call Megaeras, and count to the extent of eight thousand; with serpent-hair, all out of curl; who have changed the distaff for the dagger. They are of 'the Society called Brotherly,' Fraternelle, say Sisterly, which meets under the roof of the Jacobins. 'Two thousand daggers,' or so, have been ordered,—doubtless, for them. They rush to Versailles, to raise more women; but the Versailles women will not rise. (Buzot, Memoires, pp. 69, 84; Meillan, Memoires, pp. 192, 195, 196. See Commission des Douze in Choix des Rapports, xii. 69-131.)

Nay, behold, in National Garden of Tuileries,—Demoiselle Theroigne herself is become as a brownlocked Diana (were that possible) attacked by her own dogs, or she-dogs! The Demoiselle, keeping her carriage, is for Liberty indeed, as she has full well shewn; but then for Liberty with Respectability: whereupon these serpent-haired Extreme She-Patriots now do fasten on her, tatter her, shamefully fustigate her, in their shameful way; almost fling her into the Garden-ponds, had not help intervened. Help, alas, to small purpose. The poor Demoiselle's head and nervous-system, none of the soundest, is so tattered and fluttered that it will never recover; but flutter worse and worse, till it crack; and within year and day we hear of her in madhouse, and straitwaistcoat, which proves permanent!—Such brownlocked Figure did flutter, and inarticulately jabber and gesticulate, little able to speak the obscure meaning it had, through some segment of that Eighteenth Century of Time. She disappears here from the Revolution and Public History, for evermore. (Deux Amis, vii. 77-80; Forster, i. 514; Moore, i. 70. She did not die till 1817; in the Salpetriere, in the most abject state of insanity; see Esquirol, Des Maladies Mentales (Paris, 1838), i. 445-50.)

Max vs Georges:

One conceives easily the deep mutual incompatibility that divided these two: with what terror of feminine hatred the poor seagreen Formula looked at the monstrous colossal Reality, and grew greener to behold him;—the Reality, again, struggling to think no ill of a chief-product of the Revolution; yet feeling at bottom that such chief-product was little other than a chief wind-bag, blown large by Popular air; not a man with the heart of a man, but a poor spasmodic incorruptible pedant, with a logic-formula instead of heart; of Jesuit or Methodist-Parson nature; full of sincere-cant, incorruptibility, of virulence, poltroonery; barren as the east-wind! Two such chief-products are too much for one Revolution.

Supreme Being:

All the world is there, in holydays clothes: (Vilate, Causes Secretes de la Revolution de 9 Thermidor.) foul linen went out with theHebertists; nay Robespierre, for one, would never once countenance that; but went always elegant and frizzled, not without vanity even,—and had his room hung round with seagreen Portraits and Busts. In holyday clothes, we say, are the innumerable Citoyens and Citoyennes: the weather is of the brightest; cheerful expectation lights all countenances. Juryman Vilate gives breakfast to many a Deputy, in his official Apartment, in the Pavillon ci-devant of Flora; rejoices in the bright-looking multitudes, in the brightness of leafy June, in the auspicious Decadi, or New-Sabbath. This day, if it please Heaven, we are to have, on improved Anti-Chaumette principles: a New Religion.

Catholicism being burned out, and Reason-worship guillotined, was there not need of one? Incorruptible Robespierre, not unlike the Ancients, as Legislator of a free people will now also be Priest and Prophet. He has donned his sky-blue coat, made for the occasion; white silk waistcoat broidered with silver, black silk breeches, white stockings, shoe-buckles of gold. He is President of the Convention; he has made the Convention decree, so they name it, decreter the 'Existence of the Supreme Being,' and likewise 'ce principe consolateur of the Immortality of the Soul.' These consolatory principles, the basis of rational Republican Religion, are getting decreed; and here, on this blessed Decadi, by help of Heaven and Painter David, is to be our first act of worship.

See, accordingly, how after Decree passed, and what has been called 'the scraggiest Prophetic Discourse ever uttered by man,'—Mahomet Robespierre, in sky-blue coat and black breeches, frizzled and powdered to perfection, bearing in his hand a bouquet of flowers and wheat-ears, issues proudly from the Convention Hall; Convention following him, yet, as is remarked, with an interval. Amphitheatre has been raised, or at least Monticule or Elevation; hideous Statues of Atheism, Anarchy and such like, thanks to Heaven and Painter David, strike abhorrence into the heart. Unluckily however, our Monticule is too small. On the top of it not half of us can stand; wherefore there arises indecent shoving, nay treasonous irreverent growling. Peace, thou Bourdon de l'Oise; peace, or it may be worse for thee!

The seagreen Pontiff takes a torch, Painter David handing it; mouths some other froth-rant of vocables, which happily one cannot hear; strides resolutely forward, in sight of expectant France; sets his torch to Atheism and Company, which are but made of pasteboard steeped in turpentine. They burn up rapidly; and, from within, there rises 'by machinery' an incombustible Statue of Wisdom, which, by ill hap, getsbesmoked a little; but does stand there visible in as serene attitude as it can.

And then? Why, then, there is other Processioning, scraggy Discoursing, and—this is our Feast of the Etre Supreme; our new Religion, better or worse, is come!—Look at it one moment, O Reader, not two. The Shabbiest page of Human Annals: or is there, that thou wottest of, one shabbier? Mumbo-Jumbo of the African woods to me seems venerable beside this new Deity of Robespierre; for this is a conscious Mumbo-Jumbo, and knows that he is machinery. O seagreen Prophet, unhappiest of windbags blown nigh to bursting, what distracted Chimera among realities are thou growing to! This then, this common pitch-link for artificial fireworks of turpentine and pasteboard; this is the miraculous Aaron's Rod thou wilt stretch over a hag-ridden hell-ridden France, and bid her plagues cease? Vanish, thou and it!—"Avec ton Etre Supreme," said Billaud, "tu commences m'embeter: With thy Etre Supreme thou beginnest to be a bore to me." (See Vilate, Causes Secretes. Vilate's Narrative is very curious; but is not to be taken as true, without sifting; being, at bottom, in spite of its title, not a Narrative but a Pleading.)

Where Assassin’s Creed got some of its idiocy:

One other thing, or rather two other things, we will still mention; and no more: The Blond Perukes; the Tannery at Meudon. Great talk is of these Perruques blondes: O Reader, they are made from the Heads of Guillotined women! The locks of a Duchess, in this way, may come to cover the scalp of a Cordwainer: her blond German Frankism his black Gaelic poll, if it be bald. Or they may be worn affectionately, as relics; rendering one suspect? (Mercier, ii. 134.) Citizens use them, not without mockery; of a rather cannibal sort.

Still deeper into one's heart goes that Tannery at Meudon; not mentioned among the other miracles of tanning! 'At Meudon,' says Montgaillard with considerable calmness, 'there was a Tannery of Human Skins; such of the Guillotined as seemed worth flaying: of which perfectly good wash-leather was made:' for breeches, and other uses. The skin of the men, he remarks, was superior in toughness (consistance) and quality to shamoy; that of women was good for almost nothing, being so soft in texture! (Montgaillard, iv. 290.)—History looking back over Cannibalism, through Purchas's Pilgrims and all early and late Records, will perhaps find no terrestrial Cannibalism of a sort on the whole so detestable. It is a manufactured, soft-feeling, quietly elegant sort; a sort perfide! Alas then, is man's civilisation only a wrappage, through which the savage nature of him can still burst, infernal as ever? Nature still makes him; and has an Infernal in her as well as a Celestial.

#thomas carlyle #french revolution #fanboying #manon roland #princesse de lamballe #georges-jacques danton #maximilien robespierre #wtf?!#historiography #historical mythmaking

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chickenfetus · 7 years ago

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ALL!!!! (also the gemini sqUAD LOL)

im gonna enjoy a nice cup of water while doing this bc idk a tea (update i didnt drink water at all and now im dying of thirst,, also undercut bc many)

1: Golden mornings or peachy sunsets?

i dont wake up early enough to see the sunrise and when i do i never manage to take pics bc of school so peachy sunsets

2: Sugar cones or waffle cones?

idk what a sugar cone is but i like waffle cones!!! havent eaten ice cream with a cone in forever though,, i rarely eat ice cream now

3: Do you wear scarves often? do you have a favorite?

listen…. its about 33 degrees everyday but even if im in a colder country i dont wear scarves

4: How long do you lay in bed before you finally get up?

this depends?? on how motivated im feeling lmao never more than 10 minutes though because if i lay awake for that long ill just fall back asleep

5: Is there a food you’ve never had but always wanted to try?

i dont think so?? im bad at trying new things especially food

6: What does your umbrella look like?

i dont.. go outside often and whenever i do i take public transport so basically everythings sheltered so i never had a need for umbrellas

7: Do you listen to ASMR?

ive only listened to one everybody please listen to this gift

8: Rain storms or a light drizzle?

both, preferably when im indoors

9: What’s a little thing in life that you love?

hm??????????? my tags lmao

UPDATE: i also really like reading other people’s tags and their rambles that is all

10: Favorite color aesthetic?

does the word aesthetic make this question any different from a normal favourite colour question???? if it doesnt then sky blue

11: Wobbly lines or using a ruler?

in this house we draw lines with no ruler like men (but also because even if i did use a ruler it wouldnt be like… straight idk i cant use rulers

12: Bright colorful living room or neutral cozy living room?

neutral cozy living room but i also love basking in sunlight

13: Do you have any candles? what scents are they?

im not a big fan of heavy smelling products so i dont own any candles

14: Have you ever rode a horse?

i dont think so??????? ive seen horses before though

15: Do you have glasses?

without my glasses i wouldnt be able to read these questions lmao and . .. theyre also a result of watching pokemon too closely to the tv at a young age… its been like 10 years since i got glasses

16: What’s a language you’d like to speak?

japanese i tried speaking it but i got 2 embarrassed to say anything properly while i was in japan (i cant even speak english properly to a friend whyd i think i could speak another language to a stranger beats me)

17: What’s your favorite season and favorite month in that season?

my singaporean no season ass: ? but autumn and november (is this cutting it too close to winter? idk my seasons)

18: Do you have a favorite pair of socks?

hm not really i just wear blue ankle socks a lot but my friend did give me a pair of pokemon and gudetama socks before and i adore those although i lost the gudetama ones in the uk last year she got me another pair whatd i do to deserve her?

19: Favorite Ghibli and/or disney movie

m .. um? big. hero 6??????

20: Disney, Dreamworks, or Pixar?

my dumb ass didnt know they were different

21: What snacks do you usually get at the theater?

i rarely go and watch movies anymore but when i did watch a lot of movies with my friend at the theater we’d get afternoon shows and sneak mcdonalds in lmao

22: What’s an underrated video game/ movie/ show you love and think it needs more recognition?

how about band? day6 i only ever play pokemon + sif + bandori so i cant say much and i rarely watch movies and a show? if its an anime id say the one i mentioned before in my one text post

23: Would you fill your house with plants if you had a green thumb?

not really rip

24; All plants are great but do you have a favorite?

HM mmmmmm there was this one but i forgot the name lmao pass

25: Do you have a favorite type of art style? (eg: soft looking, no to little color, sketches, crisp and clean, minimalist, pixel art etc.)

when im the … audience? what do u call it???? i like seeing all kinda of art styles!!! everyone has their own unique art style and i love it all :o

for ME,, , ive been doing art for 6 years maybe and i still cant do shit

26: What would you do if someone gave you flowers?

i would die straight up die thats such a soft concept i cant imagine myself receiving flowers thats 2 sweet oh my god wtf id combust??? i prefer leaves though is that weird i picked some nice leaves recently and im gonna give those to my friends

27: Do you like nicknames?

giving and having nicknames is my favorite past time

28: Do you still watch shows you watched when you were a kid? even from time to time?

pokemon lmao thank u 4 not ending it…. the animation has only improved and im so proud to have been watching it since the start pokemon is my special thing i love it so much!! an interest that never died down, with an anime that stays super like idk to my preference? i tried watching the new digimon stuff but i just couldnt :^( im glad they made ash stay the main character

29: Do you still like old memes? (tell the truth)

never forget dat boi

30: Favorite Halloween costume you dressed up as? (if you don’t celebrate halloween have you ever cosplayed or would you like to? who did you cosplay as?)

we dont celebrate halloween and i would never cosplay, big shoutout to cosplayers though!!! they put in so much effort and just, respect!!!!!

i dont know if this is an actual memory because i dont remember well but when i was younger i thiNK? i had to dress up as a swan thing i have no clue i dont even remember the performance but i might have had to ?? and dance??? or act i dont remember everythings fuzzy but i dressed up a swan once? in kindergarten ?????

31: Are you a fashionable person?

i have the worst fashion sense and even though jeans are nice once again the weather here doesnt allow me to be as fashionable as i can be

32: Do you like watching holiday movies?

not realyyy??? the jack frost (rip) movie was ncie????

33: Cookies or brownies?

i live 4 chocolate chip cookies but too much is . . not preferable

34: Do you blow in the cold air just to see your breath?

no i hate breathing in & out from my mouth

35: Do you find the crickets chirping outside your window relaxing?

WELL from the great cockroach ordeal last night id probably die bc we live in an apartment building so the only way id be hearing crickets would be if they were in the ROOM

36: Do you like cobblestone streets?

my only knowledge of cobblestone is from minecraft so idk

37: How often do you doodle?

when school was still relevant i would doodle as soon as i picked up a pencil lmao i try not to anymore bc i doodled on my math assignment and forgot to fucking erase it and my math teacher called me out

38: When was the last time you blew bubbles?

a year ago?? i dont remember but i do remember when i was younger id try and blow bubbles at the void deck do yall kno what that is its just a space near the lift lobby anyway i swallowed the soap thing idk u know how ur supposed to blow? well i sucked the soap in yum

39: What’s your favorite random piece of decor in your house and room?

in my room its the bed and in the house its the water bottle that contains water

40: Do you bite your fingernails off or clip them more often?

i………………………… i dont actualy kno how to clip my nails and my mum would kill me if i tried but i dont bite my nails either

41: Any birthmarks?

not that i know of

42: Thoughts on freckles?

ive never actually seen someone with freckles in public before but theyre good stuff i gueess?? i dont actually have an opinion on them? everyone says theyre cute and all but im just ??? not that i hate freckles tho if u have freckles? thats cool!

43: First video game you ever played?

pokemon pearl?? either that or megaman on my ps3 OR the bomb square guy????? idk the game name but.. ya

44: what type of bird do you hear most often outside your door?

i dont know what the bird species are but theyre small black birds not crows idk

45: Do you use gifs/ memes a lot when replying to people?

memes yes gifs no bc im not lame like jen

46: Thoughts on spring?

no comment?? i mean? its nice??????? i guess ??? if we had a spring

47: Ideal temperature outside?

oh boy 20 degrees would be enough for me but its never gotten that low before sunny island’s life

48: Cloudy, partly cloudy, or clear skies?

i like clear skies when its bright! but not too sunny and not too warm!!!!! clouds are nice to look at too though

49: How often do you hear airplanes outside?

yeah we live near an airport i dont think anybody uses????

50: Do you enjoy windy days?

windy days are my SHIT back in school our basketball court was open spaced and whenevr wind blew we could feel it man thats the life right there but i hate windy days when im sitting at home bc it flows the curtains rigth into my face i like the feel of the wind and the smell of fresh air but… curtains in my face? not 2 great so rip i close all the windows lmao

okay thank u so much 4 asking falen i love you and wow this was a lot

#im laughing icb i asked u to ask me thank u for asking #ur a good pal #softshouyous #asks

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spearxwind · 8 years ago

Text

tagged in these things by @politelilherb and @talktomeidareyou respectively

under the cut cause long

Name: for yall its Windy

Gender: im??? not sure tbh.

Starsign: taurus

Height: 1′63m aka 5′4ft

Sexual orientation: uhhh.... im ace/demi

Favourite color: top one is sky blue, but any of the colors the sky has at any point is a 10/10 imo. except dusty pastel blue-pink that show right after the sun sets i hate those

Favourite color to paint the walls: light blue it makes me feel calm

Favourite color of lipstick: i dont wear any lmfao

Favourite animal: contrary to popular belief, its not dragons its wolves. wolves go right after tho i lov me some dergs

Time right now: 3.33pm ayy

Cat or dog person: probably a cat person but i love dogs as well

Favourite fictional character: if my own ocs dont count this question is rigged

Number of blankets I sleep with: two

Favourite singer/band: I LOVE!!!! STARSET!!!

Dream trip: mmm id love to go to norway tbh

Dream job: concept artist for a videogame/movie studio

When was this blog created: Back in the good ole days

What made you decide to make a tumblr: i made an rp account like 5 years ago because everyone on dA was doing it and then i changed accounts 5 times before being happy w this one

Why did you pick your url: i like the wind and triangles but the words triangle/square/pyramid are too long so i chose the next best thing

Last song you listened to: Like a Storm - Pure Evil ((which is a very adri song btw))

Last book you read: The ruins (yeah the book with the psychopath killer plant)

Last thing you ate: fuckin... pasta just now

If you could be anywhere right now, where would you be: flung out into deep space so i can die

What time would you travel to: probably either the future just to see whats up and if its too bad then ill just go back to the dinosaurs or smth

_______________________________________________________________________

Nickname: Windy, wii

Star sign: taurus

Height: 1′63m aka 5′4ft

Time right now: 10:33

Last thing googled: how to add a corner image to my tumblr theme but i was ridiculously unsuccessful

Favorite music artist: FUCKIN!! LISTEN TO STARSET AIGHT!!! THEY NEED MORE FANS

Last movie watched: logan

Last tv show watched: i watch bones almost every day bc its on when i make dinner but i still have no idea about the subplots so

What are you wearing right now: flower tattoo jacket + jeans + red boots

When did you create your blog? idk maybe like 4 years ago

Do you have any other blogs? i do but im gonna have to remake them cause i keep forgetting i have them so yeah

Do you get asks regurarly? i dont but i love getting them ;v; probably my fault tho cause im absolute garbage at answering im sorry

Why did you choose your url? answered above

Gender? mmm haha what

Hogwarts house: im like 99% match gryffindor and 98% match slytherin haha whoops

Pokemon Go team: valor

Favorite color: answered above too

Average hours of sleep: cant place an average if i sleep like shit but im gonna say the ‘average’ ranges from 5-8h. sometimes i sleep 3h and sometimes 10?? idk

How many blankets do you sleep with: 2

Dream job: concept artist for a videogame/movie company

Followers: 2′479 as of now

#talktomeidareyou #politelilherb #i guess???#machine noises #windy meme

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whore---ible · 7 years ago

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hella bored once again. jk i just really like quizzes.

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? 50/50 2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? i hate the cold and i hate wind 3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? tissue hahaha 4: how do you take your coffee/tea? i like mocchacino or a latte 5: are you self-conscious of your smile? yes? 6: do you keep plants? no i’m not good for their health but i would like to 7: do you name your plants? no i just told you i’m a murderer -_- 8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? i write 9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? yea 10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? whatever i feel like doing 11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends? im so white im translucent 12: what’s your favorite planet? the little prince’s planet 13: what’s something that made you smile today? my mom was being funny earlier. i rarely see her like that. 14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? white, minimalistic but super artistic at the same time. 15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! no 16: what’s your favorite pasta dish? alfredo/mushroom 17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? i like my white hair rn but i miss my pink hair 18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. i did twerk on a car that was at a red light in the street juste beside a bar. everybody was looking at me….. i was so drunk i puked just after that lil dance. 19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? i rarely write in it but i write who i had sex with and who i love and things like that so i’ll be able to stalk them when i’m older 20: what’s your favorite eye color? green 21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. my little black leather backpack. 22: are you a morning person? not at all 23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? netflix and chill 24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? nop 25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into? an “haunted” hospital 26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit? my high top white vans 27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor? mint 28: sunrise or sunset? sunset, but watching the sunrise is always funnier bc i guess im drunk with my friends somewhere cool 29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? i dont know man. i think they are all super cute when they laugh. 30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? yes, in bali, its too long to explain but i thought i would die or get kidnapped or whatever 31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. i dont really care. i mostly wear black socks. i would like to have some cooler socks but i cant find them anywhere. i dont know where to buy fuxking socks man. 32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. im always with friends after 3AM come on 33: what’s your fave pastry? croissant 34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? dont remember 35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? 36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now? i’m into massive attack these days 37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean? i like it clean but im a mess 38: tell us about your pet peeves! my pets are boring af 39: what color do you wear the most? black and grey 40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you? im slways always always wearing 4 rings. two that i bought when i was leaving for bali, one i bought in cuba i think and one i received as a gift after i had a threesome bc the girl didnt want me to forget her 41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving? charlotte before christ 42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! cafellini, my friend owns it 43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? i cant remember 44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? dont know. its rare. 45: do you trust your instincts a lot? yasssss 46: tell us the worst pun you can think of. huh 47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? why the fuck would i ban any food i love food 48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? being kidnapped. and yes it is. 49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? not really. the last one was from de band “scyzzors” 50: what’s an odd thing you collect? all my bracelet from differents event i go 51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? les sentiments humains - pierre lapointe 52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? …. 53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? those are some cool classic movies 54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? cath 55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point? i kissed someone to make sure i could still be attract by men 56: what are some things you find endearing in people? big smile, kindness, honesty 57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? won’T do that 58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? i think we’re all wine moms lol

59: what’s your favorite myth? that people get wild when its full moon

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? yea i like contemporary poets 61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received? i gave nothing for my mom'd last birthday bc i was in bali... that was stupid. i received an unmbrella last christmas. i never use fucking umbrellas. 62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? nop. just water and coffee. 63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? im fussy about my book, not my music. 64: what color is the sky where you are right now? grey 65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with? sure 66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? super simple. a crown in delicate wood with some pink and white orchids. 67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? i'm a little bit scared but i find it beautiful. 68: what’s winter like where you live? fucking cold. too much snow. 69: what are your favorite board games? i would say destiny wheel. but i prefer cards. 70: have you ever used a ouija board? yes 71: what’s your favorite kind of tea? green tea 72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it? yesss 73: what are some of your worst habits? im a mess 74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. ughhh 75: tell us about your pets! theyre fucking cute but soooo boring. im allergic to them tho so maybe thats why i found them so boring lol. 76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t? hmmmm nop 77: pink or yellow lemonade? yellow 78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? h8club 79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? i dont know man people do cute things all the time you just have to open ur eyes 80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? yea three walls are white and one is black. it makes the room look bigger. 81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. uasjdbskfd 82: are/were you good in school? yea 83: what’s some of your favorite album art? 84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? nan i think i have enough for now 85: do you read comics? what are your faves? nop 86: do you like concept albums? which ones? 87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? hmmmm café de flore 88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? i dont know 89: are you close to your parents? i dont talk to my father and i have a difficult relationship w my mom 90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. i loooooove montreal, especially in the summer 91: where do you plan on traveling this year? maybe ill return to bali 92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? i’m drowning in cheese 93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most? almost my natural hair, they have waves 94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? me 95: what are your plans for this weekend? i’ll get drunk for sure bc it’s my weekends birthday 96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? i procrastinate, there are tooooo many 97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? zodiac 98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? this autumn, and yea it was cool 99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. i have a lot of those 100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? 5 years in the past so i would do things differently

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trippz2ill2ace8itout · 5 years ago

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🌙🌙🔥🌙🌙||HOPE #4; ||You Know My Name, Not My Story||🌙🌙🔥🌙🌙

🌙🌙🔥🔥facebook, this is part of my life story, this is in the past. Im in no way a harm to myself and others. Thank u. PART FOUR!!!🌟🌟🥀🥀 *SatanslashGod; im gonna pray, i think God is calling me to fufill His duties. I was homeless for the 13th time. I walked the streets for days. I got possessed by God. And i acted out bizarrely insanely dangerously, abnormally, like an animal. I stayed up for 3 days straight. And taking extra of my medication. I had a full blown physcotic break. I didnt kniw my name. I was talking like a baby, waving my arms in the air. I lost all my senses. I forgot how to function. I got admitted to Loma Linda ER, and they took me in right away. I was like nonresponsive. I was an animal, a vegetable. I was dysfunctional. And then they transferred me to Loma Linda BMC. Mental hospital. While i was there i acted out. They put me on concervertaship, i had a hearing, and i saw the judge. It was my over 200th mental hospital. And the judge almost sent me to an institution but i lied, and i got off. Ive been concervered over 5 times. I gor diagnosed with ovee 10+ mental illnesses. Critically/Clinically Insane && The Most High Maitnence Case In The System. When i was 12 i sold my soul to the devil. And i became a bully. And multiple places and people told me that i had a serial killers personality, that she looked into my eyes and said "theres nothing in there" "your untreatable" "your too high maintenance for us to treat" my therapist Thea said ahe waz one step away from conserving me and taken to a state institution. And she said they probably couldn't treat me. Ive been to 215 mental hospitals. And ive been thru it all. I cant tell the difference between God and satan, when i get commands i cant tell the difference. *Richard Enxxellia/Puppoi/Three 7s/SeventyThree6's/UglyBitterSky; Richard gives me paranormal activities. Qualities, which he possesses me to act out dangerously. One example is when i get homoscidal. He decodes the devil into me. He moves certain objects and living things to make me use my 10 senses. As i dissociate to many alternate universes. The darkness takes over me. He decodes demons into me. Decoding me, i have codes, we all do. In NXSP. Rascal/Raskal is my therapy dog. Whos dying of cancer. I hallucinate him everywhere. But i see him as if he was real. And people tell me itz all in my head. Like i have a full blown convo or im playing with him. But my mom and bro tells me hes not in here. Three 7s is where my mania gets out of control. Like i feel like im famous, for the right or wrong reasons. Its all a delusional world. I go out of reality now 100% of the day. And thats not normal. *Bad Mommy-Good Mommy/Duplicates Of People/TwentyStepsForward; __::::TSF was a demon that Johnny hated, but somehow was connected too. So after Me/I, Izzy "Ace 8/Spizey/MsSweetInsanityyx" (Me/I/M3/iii) killed him. The reason why Lily "Dancing Fire" was so mad at Izzy was because TSF turned to ashes after Johnny died, (was killed by Izzy) and that made Lily wanna send Izzy to The Ends more, as she tried to follow thru with that plan, but failed. Ever since i killed Johnny, Dancing Fire has become a bigger and more dangerous demon in my head, becoming worse and telling Alvaro to possess me more. So Alvaro && Dancing Fire have gotten worse. After i killed Johnny. __::::Bad Mommy/Good Mommy take toll of my mind. When i was in my drug and alcohol addiction, Bad Mommy got worse, she wears a scar on her face. She abuses me, (in real life she did abuse me mentally and very rarely physically, but this was before i got back into my addiction) after i tried to come home after she kicked me out *again* (while i was homeless for the 13th time) i was on cocaine, meth. Acid, pills, heroin etc etc. I came home and she slammed me against a wall, and called me a whore. Then she "switched" and forgot about it later, it scared me, and she won my trust and forgiveness back by giving me brownies. This went on for awhile. In reality tho. She did call me really offensive names. But she didn't slam me against the wall. I was scared of her and on multiple occasions didn't wanna come home from school. Anyways i dont wanna elaborate on that. __::::Duplicates of people really fucked me up. This waz after me coming home in 2018. I saw duplicates of people i do and don't know. And it scares me. Now it only happens with my therapy dog, Rascal *Cones/Wesley "Presley" Garcia/Mr.OutOfDate; |__::::????::::__| XX_XX __::::????::::__ | | Cones;____Guide me in the right direction. Master Cone. Controlling your slaves and servants. Your fucking with my head, your make me follow your path, as u soar strangely thru the air. Trying to show me a new reality, the Cones are ahead of the other flying objects. Its like your all dancing around me and my reality of a dreamland, a dreamland like reality. You opened my eyes, but also made me more insane. Therez all sorts of shapes, dancing strangly. You made me dissociate more than usual. As i traveled all the universes and galaxies. You did both harm and good for me. Thank u, for opening up my eyes, as im developing my 11th sense, i already have 10 senses. You traumatized me and u saved me. Thank u. Cones and Objects. For becoming a part of me. Cones are non living transitioning to living. But only i can see them. I appreciate you all. All the different breeds and kinds of objects. Theres millions of them. And im glad we crossed paths. I love u my Cone Family🖤🥀🌙🔥 Wesley "Presley" Garcia;____ Dear, Wesley/Presley, Did u Wanna get away, why did u make Johnny so bad, i know u were his master. And i know after u died, Johnny took your place, but i had to kill him, he tortured me and all of NXSP, i just wanna ask, why are u so fucked up? We did nothing to deserve this torture. Thank u for trying ur best with Johnny, but i just wanna let u know, even if u tortured us (made Johnny do it) im still here for u, cus i jyst found out that you didn't torture Johnny. Lily lied. And i should have known. Johnny tortured u, and no one knew, so i apologize for blaming u. Johnny also made up stories about you, that u tortured him. And i just put the pieces together and i realized Johnny started all this. NOT ERIN! Lily is just as bad as Johnny and Alvaro. All 3 of them fucked and traumatized all of us. If there is anything i can do to help. Plz let me know. I wanna save NXSP. Not destroy it. I know ur dead, but i miss u. And i realized you tried to pull/put NXSP back together, now its just pure darkness. Do u mind (&& u dont have to if ur not comfortable with it) send us angels to protect us from harm. Like what Constance used to do. I love u hun, keep fighting, soldier, Sincerely, Izzy Magdalinoz-Martinez/Ace 8/Spizey/Ms_SweetInsanityyx && im also speaking for my family at NXSP. I love u. Hope u get this message.🖤🥀🌙🔥 Mr.OutOfDate;____ You give me reoccurring dreams and visions of my mom dying. && u made me live thru hell itself. Literally, and u bring me closer and more content with death. I feel like im dying everyday, like literally. I feel my body being tortured by my demons and Satan. Who ive met thru traveling the galaxies and universes. Why? I wanna live, not die. Heres a lil thing i wrote about this. "I wanna become content with living But i feel closer that death My mom is the only thing i have Without her i would already be dead I check her breathing while shes asleep on her bed I just wanna be dead No words left unsaid I feel closer to death everyday And i feel myself fading away Still happens to this day Losing levels of sanity more each day Losing my mind and i cant stay awake Ive been thru hell and torture Trauma, pain and darkness Do we know all the answers? Do we all get possessed by the devil Do we all lose control by the hour Dont die Mom Plz dont go Your my sun Plz dont go Your my reason I sold my soul to the darkness But i cant let my mom go Its hard to explain the love i have for her Its easy to explain why i love her Im becoming closer to death Got this fire in my heart Got this fire in my soul Im not whole, im not ok Maybe ill be ok one day I love u mom, Mr.OutOfDate, Youve come way to date You brought me and made me live thru hell Ive lived thru hell itself. Goodnight my beautiful sunshine Aint nobody dying tonight."-written by me, Izzy Magdalinoz-Martinez Were all strangers to ourselves. Its hard to say i love myself, cuz im broken and damaged. I love u mom, ur my everything. Your my sunshine my sunrise and my nighttime. If u die i die. Goodnight. 🖤🥀🌙🔥 *Visions&Hallucinations of Past&Future/ObjectsHavingAForceOnMe; Dancing Fire cordinates it. All 100% of my past flashes in my head at random times. And i cant control it. Id be in a completely different reality. And i use all my 10 intensitied senses for every part of my past. Like i was there again. CODE 203 J REPEAT CODE 203 THIS IS SYSTEM SHUTDOWN X FOLLOW ALL GIVEN PROCATIONS. Lily you need to get the fuck outta here with that shit. SHUT UP CHARLOTTE! Homie, you better back up. Im talking to u, Lily. Well Charlotte imma show Izzy her past right now. OHHHH IS THAT IT LILY THATS WHY UR SHUTTING EVERYTHING DOWN! I miss u Lily, the old u.. Im not feeling to good Lily. Im sorry Lily. IM DONE! When objects look at me, its like im looking in a mirror, and there using codes to take over me && they scare me, for example i can look at a door knob, a window. A sky, a cieling, and i feel like it has a force on me. Like there trying to get inside me. Like i see a chair and i scream cuz its looking right thru me. Heres a lil poem i wrote: "Dont talk to the ceiling It might talk back Taking over me Can u see me Can u hear me Do u get that peculiar feeling Of all the hell im dealing Leave me alone I dont have a stable home I look into ur eyes The pretty silver sky Its looking right thru me Its posessing oh its controlling me Got that strange feeling Are these the Aces that im dealing Your looking right thru me Dont listen to the walls They dont think when they talk Dont run away from fear Dont draw the devil nearer There decoding you my darling There breathing how non living objects should Cuz non living things are just as important As living things, your being cornered Breathe my friend In and out Breathe and shout Theres no way out There surrounding me Im inside my TV This is all a game And i declare you insane Smiles on everybody Nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors Smiles on my little baby Nobody needs to ser what goes on behind closed doors. Take control dont let it control you Why are u so blue? Are u in the flumes Ace 8 Break It Down Theres No Way Out Im In The Dark Now Im Just Hellbound The more u try to fight it The stronger it gets I would take my life to save yours Trauma occurring 24/7 From 2001-2018 Over 10+ mental illnesses They say your insane Well they did diagnose me critically/clinically insane So play your game, Satan Torture me, im waiting So play your Ace, Aint nobody dying tonight Not in this place Your known as the girl with no face Your pointing me towards my dog days Who am i, good question Fuck me torture me, my new obsession Im used to hell and trauma I know rock bottom Im used to pain and darkness Were all in it for the torture There controlling me There possessing me They arnt living Sonetimes non living things Are more alive than the living Smiles on, everybody Shut them system down Smiles on, everyone Were not going down without a fight."-written by me. Izzy Magdalinoz-Martinez Sometimes non living are more living than the living. I deal with this everyday. Stay strong yo. *Flying Objects/DemonsPosssesingMe; **||||** Flying Objects: objects that are non living but act like there living. All non living objects float around and talk and act like the living. Like the taxis, or the furniture or anything thats an object. Starts using there senses, they have more senses than us. Heres a lil thing i wrote about that.;;;; "You take control Sweet little ceiling A dangerous feeling Are we really dreaming Your magic head got me screaming You are demons inside of objects As the tables fly As the staircase sighs Its like a labrynth Were all sentenced Were in a fantasy This isnt reality Wake up. Wake up Torture me plz dont stop Wake up wake up All non living things are living All non living things are living Dont be drifting Dont be living Cuz ur not living No not at all They all have faces They all have bodies They all have senses Dont be scared my love Dont runaway my love Im an animal in a cage I got blinding rage I got bad and good days The chairs are all wrong Smiley is coming back Am i wrong? Am i right? Police on the search for me There not gonna catch me These flying objects are very living They will protect me They will seduce me. Flying objects flying round They dont make a single sound Take me far away"-written by me, Izzy Magdalinoz-Martinez **||||** Demons Possessing Me; ??????Different Species if demons come and literallt possess me. I start raising hell ans becoming the demon thats controlling my body. I literally "snap into DeZanity" which is 100% worse than Insanity. I become dangerous, act out strangely unsafely dangerously etc etc. I become worse than satan himself. I walk thru and live thru hell itself. Ive seen hell. Ive literally lived in hell. I become darkness itself. Heres a lil thing i wrote about this; "Falling down to rock bottom Lived inside hell, oh pardon? Did u possess me last night the devil fucked me in the dark light I dont kno what to do Why u feelin blue, My darling my darling They say im acting strange Out of character as u say They say i went completely insane Out of character as they say The darkness controlling me Demons possessing me Im dangerous, im dangerous This aint fun Im always on the run I snapped into DeZanity I lost all my senses Ive died many times Im just fucking senseless As all the species of demons Come inside of me Im a dysfunctional animal Im a dysfunctional animal Who am i, my mind is worse than hell itself The devil puts himself up on the shelf Hes not powerful enough to enter Tryna make these dreams centered Tryna make reality my bitch Dont try. Do, win lose Dont do. Try, lose win Either way. There out to get me Lets change the codes Weve already killed ourselves. So far away from home Im feeling so alone. Im feeling cold Flying around the universes There aint no reverses Imma tell u a secret I am more powerful than the devil Are u gonna run and hide Were committing suicide My name is Izzy, Ace 8 My name is Tyler, Ms_SweetInsanityyx Lets fuck this place up Im here to save and help all non living And living things, im here to save the world I help, care. Love support be there Im by there side no matter what When u fall ill lift u up I help everyone and everything obsessivly Im on the battlefield fighting by yo side Im not in the sidelines Lets get ready to snap back Izzys out for the attack. Goodnight, Drearyyx"-written by me, Izzy Magdalinoz-Martinez _____________||||____________ *Dancing Rooms/Past In Vivid Movie-LikeForm; ||||_||||Dancing Rooms; dont talk to the ceiling it might talk back. Im in a dreamscape, traveling thru the galaxies, doors all over the walls, all the stair cases are going in many directions, they keep moving. They dont stop. Each room is something new. Im walking over the stars 🌟 , i see all of these different galaxies. Were midnight racing. Its like im in a Lo-Fi setting. All my dreams turned reality. Im in a wild place. Im soaring thru space. U ever seen the movie Labrynth with David Bowie its like that. I feel so free, racing cars over the stars. Im not in reality. Im escaping. Its like im flying, always flying. Im traveling everywhere. You saved me. Dancing Room. Its like a good trip. Like were in a movie, many kinds of movies. Its a new reality. Im escaping earth. So many colors. So much to see. Im sitting on the sunrise. I turn on Lo-Fi radio (the app is purple) and i do meditation to it. I go to extraordinary places. Thank u Dancing Rooms. ||||_|||| Past In Vivid Like Movie Form; so u kno ive had brutal trauma. Hell, pain, torture, bad experiences occurring 24/7 since 2001-2018, and u read part of my life story. Well theres sone parts u dont kknow, Dancing Fire flashes my past in more than just flashbacksx its in vivid movie form frok beginning to end. But its everyday. And even when im happy i get reminded that it constantly, Dancing Fire aka Lileth "Lily" Ramos-Garcia. Tortures me with it. The more i try to escape it or "put my past in the past" i get reminded of it everyday, from beginning to end. Its not ok. And i also get nightmares everynight that makes me not wanna sleep. Like i could be doing my thing, and out of fucking nowhere here comes the show (vivid movie like form of my past from beginning to end) and i cant escape. People say "leave ur past in the past" uh how am i supposed to do that if i get constantly reminded of it every day. ?? But yet i help care love support fix save be there for everyone and everything obsessivly. And i dont stop. I love helping others, i wanna save and fix all non living and living things. That's what keeps me alive. Someone asks me "what's wrong Izzy. U havent been yourself lately?" i tell them an excuse like "im fine" so imagine this: _Having over 10+ Mental illnesses _Having trauma occurred 24/7 from 2001-2018 _being constantly reminded of ur past daily _having 22+ mental breakdowns a day, every day _trying to remain sane _dealing with the present. _never escaping the past _everything combined together times 10+ working all at once _and trying to describe what ur feeling/whats going on/what's wrong, cus u don't know how to explain it _Constantly having demons fuck with ur head _hating myself _having an eating disorder/autism _not kniwing what ur feeling _feeling unwanted and unloved _being tortured, abused, raped most of ur life _not knowing who u are _having no home from 2011-2018 _having no hope _having severe brain damage _being critically/clinically insane _Been thru/experienced mostly every traumatic thing _not wanting pity sympathy or attention _after 2018, the hell never ending, getting worse mentally physically and emotionally _being insecure _dealing and drug addiction/alcoholism (im over 1 year sober _being the blacksheep _being LBGTQ _not wanting to date ever again/hating sex _cant go in public without breaking down _dissociating 99% of the day _explaining yourself to people _my mom being sick. My dogs having cancer _my mom and bro not wanting me home _thinking ur worth nothing _being a prisoner to ur mind _not knowing who u are _Alvaro possessing me _not feeling like ur in ur body/being possessed _paranioa/objects having a force on u _being confused/delusional _everything youve read/heard in all of this story applied to u everyday _acting like ur okay _trying to save. Fix. Love. Care, support, help, be there for everyone and everything obsessivly but not feeling like its good enough _missing my unbio son, Anthony everyday. _not wanting to cry or show emotions _avoiding feeling feelings/being so used to the bad that u cant process the good _not processing things _wanting to end ur life on a daily basis _wanting to self harm/act out on a daily basis _just hating yourself/having trust and anger issues _the rest i cant explain 🌟🔥🌙Hey this is Izzy here, thank u for breathing, for being alive. Im proud of u. Thank u for coming to my TED TALK.🌙🔥 **Another One Of My Suicide Attempts (i was on the online news); My brother and i got into a huge fight. Cuz we were playing pranks on eachother, but around that time i got raped *again* my mom still isnt aware that it. My whole past flashed by in my head vividly. My mom and brother told me they didnt want me home. And i felt like a failure. I was walking on the side of the street and the highway. I self harmed really bad. But i got home and everything else was a blackout. I had 33 breakdowns that day. We were at Farmer Boys. And my mom kept asking if i was "okay" i told her "yes" but i was lying. I had dreams of my granpa dying (hes deceas3d now) and my monmm dying. My mental health got 10 times worse. Leading up to my attempt i got raped again* by 10 people one by one torture, abusing and raping me for about 2 hours. I still havnt told my mom. I came home and i tried to have a "silent suicide attempt" i took 2 bottles of Gabapentin (one of my medications, this ones for anxiety) and they were big bottles, and i took every pill in there. I started fading out and u heard a voice in my head, trying to stop me from dying. I called 911 and told them that i overdosed, they got all my info and told me to stay where i was. There were fire trucks. Ambulances, police cars. They made me drink Charcoal, instead of pumping my stomach. My mom came out && was talking to the officers/AMRs etc. They did there normal procedures and transported me to Corona Regional Medical Center (aka CRC). I had a sitter, or a 1:1, they did their hospital procedures and i got transferred to "The Willows Mental Hospital" (Still CRC but not emergency, just psychiatric) my brother told me i was on the Corona Newspage, descibing my attempt. But not using any names of people. But it showed my house. I stayed on a 52/50 hold. I cant remember clearly exactly how the whole thing happened but im doing the best i can. ________________________________________ 🌙🔥🌟🥀hey its izzy, if anyone needs a prayer lemme know ok. This is something i just wrote, its from my heart. Stay True!!! Keep sharing your story, cuz it matters you matter your life matters YOU MATTER. , thank u for breathing, for continuing and being alive. Ur all Angels, you are a work of art, you just gotta put the peices together. U gotta creaate your art, your story. It doesnt end here tho. Id give my life if it meant all of u become painless, im not a saint. I just wanna be the person to save care love be there for living and non living things. Yea ive had trauma occurring 24/7 from 2001-2018, but its 2020 in a month. All i want for Christmas is for all yall to be safe and happy. If any of yall need anything, ill be here. Ill be fighting by ur side on the battlegrounds. Im sitting here crying cuz idk how to fix this world. Im proud of u. Even if u didnt wanna be alive today, youve made it another day and youve made it this far. Your doing the best u can. You all make me wanna cry cuz of how amazing u are and how beautiful ur soul is. If ur thinking about taking ur life tonight trust me ive been there. Put ur hand on ur heart, feel that? That's purpose. Your life is a mess right now. Keep looking up. Your someones reason. I wanna save ur life tonight/today. Thank u for ecsisting. I know its dark out, you grow stronger every second. Take ur time. Slow down, take a moment or a few moments. Relax ur whole body, ur gonna be ok. Ur gonna keep fighting. For everyone but mainly for yourself. Im proud of u. Trust me im far from ok. But id do anything if it means everyone else can ok. U are a broken soul. But we will fight, we will win. We will stick together x im here for all yall. Dont go. Its not ur time. I kno it may seem cliche. Bit ur voice matters ur story matters your message matters. YOU MATTER YOUR IMPORTANT YOU HAVE A PURPOSE YOUR ENOUGH YOUR WORTH IT. ! Thank u for being u. This is Izzy here. Keep fighting, soldier. Keep going. Your destiny is inside of u. I love u all. Message me if anything. Stay true stay u. Live u my warriors my angels xx----Izzy Magdalinoz-Martinez (me)🖤🥀🖤🥀

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hinanaha · 6 years ago

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1-170 :)

lmfao james i swear to god

1: How tall or short do you wish you were? i wish i was 160cm cause i wanna be short and also then my weight would be healthy lmao2: What’s your dream pet? (Real or not) we all know i want a norwegian forest cat, and also a lizard would be cute3: Do you have a favorite clothing style? long flowing dress or skirts w blouses4: What was your favorite video game growing up? pokemon5: What three things/people do you think of most each day: my cats, what i will eat and how much a wanna be picked up and spun around one day6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say? it wouldnt say anything it`d just have the crying laughing emoji like deepfried on red tape7: What is your opinion on [insert person/thing here]? u didnt say anything for this so ill state my opinion on meat which is yuck8: What is your Greek personality type? [Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic] none rlly fit me tbh9: Are you ticklish? yea….. 10: Are you allergic to anything? nope11: What’s your sexuality? lesbian (femme lesbian specifically)12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa? coffee, tho i like all13: Are you a cat or dog person? CAT, im very picky abt dogs14: Would you rather be a vampire, elf, or merperson? elf15: Do you have a favorite Youtuber? idk like i dont rlly watch youtube for anyone inparticular i just watch whatever16: How tall are you? 170cm17: If you had to change your name, what would you change it to? opal, just cause its my middle name and opals are my favourite gemstone18: How much do you weigh? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!] about 50kg (ik im underweight if anyone is concerned btw im fine its a sideaffect of one of my medications)19: Do you believe in ghosts/spirits? yes20: Do you like space or the ocean more? i love sharks and jellyfish so the ocean, however i am fucking scared of octopuses21: Are you religious? nope, never have been22: Pet peeves? men.23: Would you rather be nocturnal or diurnal [opposite of nocturnal]? why does diurnal sound like urinal, but i like the day so that24: Favorite constellation? the pot thing cause its easy to spot25: Favorite star? the biggest one there is26: Do you like ball-jointed dolls? i dont rlly see much of a use for them27: Any phobias or fears? arachnophobia, and aslo the dark 28: Do you think global warming is real? um yes definitely, because im not stupid29: Do you believe in reincarnation? i mean there aint even close to enough science backing or not backing it so i couldnt say, im neutral 30: Favorite movie? idk31: Do you get scared easily? id say more anxious then scared, like im a very jumpy and shaky person32: How many pets have you owned in your lifetime? idk like 20+ (chickens count)33: Blog rate? [You’ll rate the blog of the one who’s asking.] yes34: What is a color that calms you? peachy colours and whites35: Where would you like to travel and/or live? i would love to hike somewhere someday tbh i think itd be rlly magical, and i love nature so much36: Where were you born? Melbourne37: What is your eye color? blue grey38: Introvert or extrovert? introvert39: Do you believe in horoscopes and zodiacs? to an extent40: Hugs or kisses? both at the same time41: Who is someone you would like to see/visit right now? honestly kinda wanna see my nan rn for some reason42: Who is someone you love deeply? definitely my mum, she is the most important person to me43: Any piercings you want? i want a nose piercing, maybe a small decorative ring44: Do you like tattoos and piercings? yess i love them, i rlly want a tattoo someday45: Do you smoke or have you eiver done so? no i dont want to46: Talk about your crush, if you have one! i don`t have one47: What is a sound you really hate? i cannot stand the sound of animals licking themselves48: A sound you really love? wind chimes49: Can you do a backflip? i could if i wanted to50: Can you do the splits? no51: Favorite actor and/or actress? ashley johnston52: Favorite movie? this was already asked lmao53: How are you feeling right now? pretty chill but also kinda sad for no actual reason54: What color would you like your hair to be right now? im feelin a burgundy colour tbh55: When did you feel happiest? nothing specific rlly56: Something that calms you down? music57: Have any mental disorders? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!] i have ADD also p bad anxiety58: What does your URL mean? mango boba yum59: What three words describe you the most? anti-social goblin witch 60: Do you believe in evolution? i do biology so yes61: What makes you unfollow a blog? they post stuff i dont care abt or triggering content62: What makes you follow a blog? pretty picture63: Favorite kind of person: someone who makes me feel special/loved64: Favorite animal(s): cats, bees, lizards, crows65: Name three of your favorite blogs. idfk tbh66: Favorite emoticon: im not on mobile but the sparkling heart one67: Favorite meme: i dont have a favourite68: What is your MBTI personality type? Infp/intp69: What is your star sign? taurus70: Can your dog roll over on command, if you have a dog? no they cannot71: What outfit out of all your clothes do you like to wear the most? pyjamas72: Post a selfie or two? icbb73: Do you have platform shoes? yes74: What is one random but interesting fact about yourself? i have a double jointed shoulder on one arm75: Can you do a front flip? yes76: Do you like birds? yes chirp 77: Do you like to swim? no lol it sucks i cant breath well when i swim and it freaks me out78: Is swimming or ice skating more fun to you? ice skating, i love it, would take up lessons if they were available79: Something you wish didn’t exist: flies80: Some thing you wish did exist: giant domestic cats81: Piercings you have? just simple ear piercings82: Something you really enjoy doing: doing creative things w friends83: Favorite person to talk to: u already know its the council 84: What was your first impression of Tumblr? funny mem85: How many followers do you have? 168 (i had 470 on my old blog)86: Can you run a mile within ten minutes? ye but not always87: Do your socks always match? yes88: Can you touch your toes and keep your legs straight completely? yeah89: What are your birthstones? idk90: If you were an animal, which one would you be? surprising but id be a fox not a cat91: If a flower could aesthetically represent you, what kind would it be? lavenders baby92: A store you hate? bendigo iga, its shit93: How many cups of coffee can you drink in one day? 1 otherwise my hands shake94: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds? neither tbh95: Do you like to wear camo? ii guess if it looks good96: Winter or summer? summer97: How long can you hold your breath for? a pretty long time actually, once held my breath for 3 minutes underwater98: Least favorite person? my dad99: Someone you look up to: no one100: A store you love? i dont like kpop anymore, but the owners of happytown were always so nice to me so i rlly like that store because of that101: Favorite type of shoes converse102: Where do you live? austrlia103: Are you a vegetarian or vegan? If so, why? im vegetarian, but i eat mostly vegan food, i rlly like animals and dont like the idea of eating them, also eating too many animal products can be unhealthy 104: What is your favorite mineral or gem? opal105: Do you drink milk? ye but not on its own106: Do you like bugs? yes, silly creetures107: Do you like spiders? im scared of them108: Something you get paranoid about? i dont rlly get paranoid much, but i sometimes get rlly paranoid something be watching me109: Can you draw: ye, reblog my art pls @yumeuwu110: Nosiest question you have ever been asked? i cant remember lmao111: A question you hate being asked? i cant think of anything112: Ever been bitten by a spider? nope113: Do you like the sound of waves at the beach? yeah its pretty nice114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days? both i guess, tho respectfully to their matching seasons115: Someone you’d like to kiss or cuddle right now: id cuddle my future gf rn :`)116: Favorite cloud type: .. w… poofy cloud117: What color do you wish the sky was? yellow would be pretty, but not piss yellow cause that`d be weird118: Do you have freckles? yea faint ones119: Favorite thing about a person: their lips, lips pretty120: Fruits or vegetables? veggies121: Something you want to do right now: sit on a warm hill in silence122: Is the ocean or sky prettier? sky123: Sweet or sour foods? im more of a savoury person124: Bright or dim lights? dim, sexy125: Do you believe in a certain magical creature? i mean it aint impossible126: Something you hate about Tumblr: pointless discourse127: Something you love about Tumblr: nice people128: What do you think about the least? idfk129: What would you want written on your tombstone? oh my fuckin god she fuckin dead130: Who would you like to punch in the face right now? no one, but im always ready to punch something131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself? im very very selfless, which is nice but also makes me rlly sad sometimes132: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures? nah133: Computer or TV? computer134: Do you like roller coasters? hell yeah, they fun135: Do you get motion sickness or seasickness? i get motion sickness136: Are your ears lobed or attached? lobed137: Do you believe in karma? i guess138: On a scale of 1-10, how attractive would you say you are? probably a 7, like im p cute139: What nicknames do you have/have had? uhhh anepeace (die mr flanagan that nickname is so ugly)140: Did you have any pretend or imaginary friends? no, not that desperate yet (no offence to those who do have them im sure ur lovely)141: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink? yeah i see a psychologist monthly and also psychiatrist 142: Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others? id like to say good143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help? recieving144: What makes you angry? assholes145: How many languages do you speak fluently? 1146: Do you prefer boys, girls, and/or non-binaries? girls ;3147: Are you androgynous? nah148: Favorite physical thing about yourself: i have nice shoulders149: Favorite thing about your personality: i try to be considerate of others 150: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person. idk151: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose? honestly fine w this one152: Do you like BuzzFeed? some things153: How did you meet your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner? [If you have one.] dont have one :((154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons? nah155: Do you like to play with others’ hair? yea, prefer people playing w my hair tho156: What embarrasses you? anything that puts me at the centre of attention among strangers157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious: loud noises158: Biggest lie you have ever told: i dont rlly tell lies so notin159: How many people are you following? i cbb to check160: How many posts do you have on your blog(s)? 7000+161: How many drafts do you have on your blog(s)? 1162: How many likes do you have on your blog(s)? idfk163: Last time you cried and why: i cried cause i saw a floofy cat164: Do you have long or short hair? short hair165: Longest your hair has ever been: hip length166: Why do you like, dislike, or have neutral feelings about religon? most religious views ive heard make no sense when compared to science so i dont rlly believe it167: Do you really care how the universe and world was created? nah168: Do you like to wear makeup? sometimes169: Can you stand on your hands or head for more than thirty seconds? no im weak170: Did you answer the questions you were asked truthfully? ye

#answered

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guys-chill · 7 years ago

Text

My Demons are PTA Moms

Hey so as you know, I love PTA mom jokes and like making names for my friends ect. Well sometimes, when shit hits the fan and there are lots of negative thoughts, so I address each thought as if it were some stuck up lady from the PTA. Here’s my “convo” that happened last night ( I was talking to my friend and basically texted her my thoughts) bc I think it’s funny. If you wanna skip the buildup and go straight to moms, skip the first bit and start where I say YOOT. Theres alot.. yall dont gotta read i know that its alot alot

TW for mentions of rape

Set the scene: My mind is wandering, open to passing thoughts

Me: I wonder why sometimes your brain thinks about nothing. Like, there are so many things to think about, yet I stare at the ceiling thinking about nothing just kind of floating in empty mind space

Me: Now im thinking about [ex bf.] and how i want to work through my [ex bf.] memories with you and [friend’s boyfriend who is also my friend] and how that’s unfair bc its like, yall dont exist to listen to my problems and im thinking i need to face them and get through that wall of pain. Like they’re motly breaking up memories atm. Im trying to avoid them because its hard

Friend: He and I are your friends and part of our job as friends is to listen

Me: :^)

Me: Ye but like no i feel so selfish when we are about me

Friend: But you shouldn’t

Me: You know that meme that’s like “I feel uncomfortable when we are about me”. Mood

Friend: No I don’t

Me: Rip. Yeet bc i wanna face them but i know it’s gonna have me breaking down and I want a hug and like yall aren’t responsible for me or like i j feel bad

Friend: It’s ok dude we’re here for you

Me: But i know i gotta face them but im putting it off rn bc i don’t wanna fall asleep breaking down but why cant i just do it like UGGGH. Like with opening up my feelings door I’ve opened up remembering that i blocked kinda or avoided ahhh lol my mind is riptastic and sad rn but my heart is only mildly and i dont wanna be sadddsdddddd and i avoid my shit. [Her bf] is right that its hard to face your shit. And I feel dumb for not. And its like just let the suffering commense, you’ll be fine later

Friend: I’m sorry

Me: Why am i so FUCKING needy. Lol sorry im like this

Friend: You’re not needy my dude!

Me: My brain is like !OOh idea! Lets want someone to love you and hug you and all this shit to be really extra even though it doesn’t even matter that much bc who gives a fuck yo people have they’re own lives but you know I think it sounds like a GREat way to make things difficult haha fuck u

Me: Lol i said i wasn’t gonna get into this but look at me goooooooooo. YEET

Friend: Oh boy you’re ok

Me: Yo its fine god im im a messsss yoot AAHH YOOT THATS SO FUNNY

Friend (Prolly like oh boyyy at this point): You’re gonna be ok I’m sorry

Me: Wanna hear my inner dialouge lol YOU KNOW WHAT IM GOOD AT MEMES YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT

Me: Ye thank you I appreciate that

Friend: If you want to share

Me: I appreciate you listening to me

Friend: Any time

Me: Why is my mind just like saying rando shit its like Haha you fucking psycho kill yourself, and its like no Pam, that’s not even what were talking about rn. Like who invited you. Yeah I know no one invited me to my own party haha funny jan. Why am I a mess. But HeY at least we’ve gotten distracted

Friend: Oh boy I’m sorry

Me: “Lol im gonna kill you” thanks maureen

Friend: Why all the suicidal thoughts

Me: Im thinking of that vine of this kid awkward dancing to like trap music and his mom walks in and you can hear her mouthing like turn it down wtf. I dont even know I dont even wanna die my mind is so unoriginal. Good to know Jan, youre worthless too

Me: Like im doing that thing where i make everything a joke to not have it hit as hard

Friend: Im sorry. You’ll be ok

Me: TW rape “Lol no he didn’t rape me in the butt you insensitive bitch (me @ Clarissa)” Haha im gonna fucking kill myself. That one was a bit more real. I suppose both but like the kill yourself bit

Friend: Oh boy

Me: I wanna die im a mess. Tw again Youre so ugly why the fuck would he even wanna rape you haha dumb bitch got raped you dummy couldn’t even get him off lol you got him off tho...SHUT UP. lol no Way hunny this is too fun you vulnerable cunt haha fucking ill whip out any insult that has to do with sexually explicit shit come at me slut

Me: Haha im sorry

Friend: Oh boy, don’t be sorry. You’re ok. What he did was on him, it had nothing to do with you it wasn’t your fault

Me: Why they gotta say rape so much like i get it gerryanna; you’re shitty at sales pitching sell me something i dont know. God i love these moods (sarcastically)

Friend: Oh boy

Me: Haha you dumb bitch like they’re not even original. Im calling the superintendent of my mind and having them all taken off the PTA board of trustees. Fuck you Helen. Not you though [Friend] your name susan helen does not apply during breakdowns

Friend: Oh boy. Is there anything i can do

Me: Im just laying here with a pained smile on my face its not even a breakdown its a roast sesh. Nah not atm besides listen and hear the dumb shit they say

Friend: Oh boy, does it help to get it out like would writing help

Me: Yeah. God you cant even type right. Yeah you’re a secretary Jan sorry I dont have a crumbling marrage and an English degree like you. Oooooh im throwing sick burns. Im not even funny im just sad. I hope you’re laughing. Genuinely I hope its a bit funny because im a piece of trash. Ok yo you didn’t need to say that last part margaree.

Friend: Omfg

Me: God hell yeah you can take me out on trash day fucking Mmm yeah you bet id like that feeling of powerlessness and suffocation of my voice please, expand uponthis trash bag fantasy joann. Ill sit on the curb and cry myself to death you right. Fuck you got me lol I guess ill just give up now. Fool im not done yet get PUNKED Pamela. Im still here to shit on your bad insults. I hate myself, yeah i hate you too Mary Sue. Go fuck yourself; I think i might give it a shot from what i’ve heard its best in the shower and i was gonna take one tomorrow...

Friend: Oh boyyyyyy

Me: Lol yall are dumb; When they try to make their voices sound like mine but you can tell the yall is just you and the’re throwing shit at you but you see it. Im great fuck you pam

Friend: Oh gee

Me: This is good, like genuinely its like a throwdown and they’re bloody on the floor (the pta council). Fuck em, yeah fuck you too janice. “I hadta do it to em”- me at my future kid asking why i did this. Yeah i beat up Suzanne but she was a bitch anyway. Ok now stop trying to get all on my side pauleenI know you’re with them. Go with the rest of em. I bought you a luxury cruise well actually yall did bc yall are selfish and feed off sadness go drink some martinis and come back but you bet ill be fucking waiting for you, yeah ik were not done donna, but ill still be there and... “I love you”- I love you too higher sweetie who sounds like [my friend’s spirit guide] no now its my higher self but also [her]? Yeet ok bye yall

Friend: Oh boy

Me: Fuck um, Patricia decided to stay behind and keep me company. Lol im a mess. How are you things have relatively chilled. And now im being told “I love you” from someone i think me a higher power that believes in me

Friend: Eh im alright. How are you

Me: Im better. Did you enjoy that little skit my ego wants to know so it can make a production and Pam can bring her friends back and then my higher self is saying just say you love me and you’re here, “and i love you”- higher bee thank you I love you too. Idek, yes I know i’m a mess pam. I know

Friend: “Higher bee” oh could you imagine if god was just a fluffy bumble bee wanting us to love ourselves. I’m sorry you’re going through this

Me: But im a mess of glitter, spilled but pretty and not going away yeah ok no pretty is not my only worthy reason for existing but thanks. Im also friendly. Awwww thatd be so sweet. Thatd BEE so sweet. She’s beautiful

Friend: Ba dum tss

Me: Its ok i find it mildly funny. “I cant drown my demons, they’re in a pta meeting atm and dont have their pool passes handy”

Friend: Lol

Me: Haha im livingg. I love you. Thank you for listening

Friend: I love you too and any time

Me: “I love you so much” thank you giant sky bee, God thank you giant sky bee godbless. Bless yourself. How are you. Im feeling loved. I faced part of the wall yoot lol

Friend: I’m glad you’re feeling loved I’m ok

Me: Like i faced something, im here and it matters. I love you. Im glad you’re ok. What have you been doing how long was that. 12:46 to 1:20. 35-40 min. Average breakdown cycle. Nice good to know. See, its all chill after 40 min

----

And thats that my guys uhh yeah i keep track of how long i break down for and it really is only about 45 minutes until your body wears itself out. I love you all

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