#that punchline hit me like a truck

[xviistrings]

In an alternate universe...

Kamoshida: I care for the students here at Shujin Academy. It's my responsibility as a teacher to act like a second guardian, and I'm determined to protect them with all I have.

Kamoshida: When I was told who the mastermind behind all those scams were, you just know I was infuriated.

Kamoshida: So, naturally, I did a little bit of research on my own... and I sent a threatening letter to the guy telling him to not fuck with my kids.

Kamoshida: Said I was gonna wreck his ass 'til his spine snapped in half. Hopefully that serves as a good enough warning.

Elsewhere...

Kaneshiro: ...you know i'm more experienced with oral but that sounds okay too

ok. wow. my post was written for me

[bulbabutt]

i don't know the etiquette for posting other peoples tiktoks but the delivery of this punchline hit me like a FUCKING TRUCK please

NikhilClayton <- you should follow this guy on tiktok he's fucking hilarious

[echoingbirdsofprey]

Lightning On My Lip (Every Time You Kiss Me)

27 - Hotter Than A No A/C All Summer

Pairing: Tyler Owens x OFC Georgia Tennley-Owens

Rating: EXPLICIT (MDNI!)

Warnings: SMUT, past smut, protected!piv, lots of swearing, competitive!Georgia, concussed!Tyler, hornyAF!Tyler

A/N: SMUT for the first chapter back since Back Forty View??? Yeah. It's past smut but it's still smut. And then present day, Tyler has a BIG surprise for Georgia. Pictures from pinterest and the Ram Trucks website, gif from @kaizsche As always, enjoy! Thank y'all for reading, commenting, reblogging, and sticking with me with this story. There are a couple of songs linked, and a little surprise at the bottom!

Tags: @mrsevans90 @djs8891 @gpsmississippihippie @barnesboo1967 @dizzybee03 @coloraturadiva @kmc1989 @khouse712

They’re in some shit hole rodeo in Montana, the furthest they’’d been from home and together. Tyler still had to go on his bronc. He drew a big ornery bastard named ‘Punchline’ and he was nervous. It was odd. Ever since he started dating Georgia, he’d had nerves getting on every bull or bronc that he rode. Some rodeos only had broncs so he took the chances to get practice. But maybe it was just that he had someone else to think about besides himself. Not that he didn’t love his family, but they weren’t right there watching. Georgia was. 

They had barely any pickup riders for this rodeo, so Georgia elected to get Wilene a little exercise. She rarely ran Wilene unless it was good money and good competition. But the mare still needed to work, and she was good at being a pick up horse because she’d never buck. Sure, she might scoot forward, but she had no problem with people jumping on her back to get off a bronc. 

Georgia had hopped down from Wilene’s back during an arena drag break to wish Tyler good luck. He reached for her, intertwining his fingers with hers and pulling her close for a kiss. The shuffle of the fringe on his chaps and their belt buckles clanking together were the only sounds that floated to their ears as they connected. Tyler’s hands were calloused and warm on her cheeks, threading into her sweat slicked hair at the nape of her neck under her hat. Georgia’s hand splayed over his chest, his shirt damp from all of his layers and the summer heat. She didn’t mind though. They didn’t ever mind touching each other when they were sticky, sweaty, or dirty. They were too comfortable with each other not to. 

Tyler broke the kiss and tipped his hat to her, then bounced a finger off the brim of hers. She giggled and shook her head as she hopped back into the saddle and headed toward the arena, passing the tractor and drag on the way in. Tyler headed to the chute, where the rest of the bronc riders had begun to file in for the second round. He mounted up swiftly on his bronc, secured his hand, and blew a breath out, nodding that he was ready. 

Punchline exploded out of the chute, bucking and twisting harshly in the air. Tyler’s breathing was steady and his expression was stone cold as he expertly rode that bronc up until the last second. Tyler had a weakness on both broncs and bulls though and it was the damn fence. When he fell it was always because either the bull, the bronc, or his leg hit a fence panel. It puts them off balance. It was his fucking kryptonite, and it was like Punchline knew that as he roared and snorted, hitting the fence panels and rattling them at the left side of the ring. Georgia urged Wilene forward from their position, ready to grab Tyler if she could. 

Punchline gave him one last good buck, bouncing Tyler into the panel. He whacked his head pretty hard, his hat falling off, but he somehow managed to catch it and without another thought, instinct took over, and he leapt from the panel toward Wilene’s back as the bronc made a play toward him. Georgia used all of her might, holding onto Tyler’s body protector as the three of them scooted away from Punchline.

As they headed toward the entrance, Tyler jumped down from Wilene’s back and held his head. He shook it and got extremely dizzy. The world spun and he could barely make out Georgia’s voice from over the ringing in his ears.

“What?” He asked and Georgia dismounted Wilene, still holding her reins and stepping toward her boyfriend. She held up two fingers. “How many fingers am I holding up?”

“Four?” He asked and he blinked hard a few times.

“Fuck. You need to go to a hospital. You have a concussion. I knew you hit your head.” Georgia said and she grabbed his hand and placed it on the horn. “Use Wilene for support, let’s go.”

The mare glances at him, her ears flat as she guides Tyler to Georgia's truck. The mare, who is normally high strung and jigs everywhere, walks slow, clocking Tyler's imbalance quickly. She is careful, her usual swinging walk now steady and stiff, trying her best to assist him. Tyler is thankful for everything the mare does.

A few hours later, and a very stern doctor and couple of nurses later, Tyler and Georgia were exiting the Emergency entrance at the Sheridan Medical Center. Tyler had a grade one concussion, and he was lucky. He hadn’t blacked out. They headed back to the rodeo grounds in silence, Georgia driving. Tyler was resting, with the passenger seat back for the half hour drive back. 

“If there was ever a worse time for you to get a concussion...” She murmured as they’d finally arrive back at her trailer. She had put Wilene and Twist in the portable stalls at the rodeo grounds and she needed to feed them their dinner grain before she did anything else. She brought Tyler over to her trailer and helped him navigate the steps as he was still slightly dizzy. 

“I’ll be right as rain in a week.” He said, a lilt of humor in his voice and wide smirk on his lips.

“Tyler.” Her voice was firm and he knew it was out of concern for him. She cared about him deeply and her worry showed him that.

“Georgia Peach.” He said, smile never fading as he sat at the small table. She placed a bottle of water in front of him and began to head toward the door.

“I just need to finish up and then we can go rest. Wait for me.” She commanded, pointing a finger at him.

“Rest? Girl, you owe me a poker game.” He scoffed and folded his arms, as she watched his eyes unfocus. 

“Now?” Hers widen as she tilts her head, watching him for a moment before she goes to leave.

“Yes. Besides, I know how to make it a lil’ more interestin’.” Tyler shakes his head and then regrets it, his hand coming up to shield his eyes from the quick spin of the room. He's dizzy but he can't help his horny thoughts. Georgia caring for him turned him on so bad.

“Yeah? How’s that?” She asks, a flirty undertone to her voice.

“Strip. Poker.” He wiggled his brows.

“I’m sorry?” Her voice went up an octave and she tilted her head, concerned that he actually had brain damage. 

“You heard me. Hurry up, Peach. I’ll be waitin’.” He clicked his tongue and winked, causing Georgia’s eyes to go wide in embarrassment and she glanced down at her boots as she headed out of the trailer to finish her chores. When she came back, Tyler was up on the mattress, laying with his arm behind his head and the other, a hand of cards. The deck had been strategically placed over the thigh closest to her.

“Welcome.” His smirk was disgustingly wide, eyes narrowed lasciviously.

“Oh my god. That bronc really fucked you in the head. How many fingers am I holding up.” She held two up again, then she put one down leaving her middle finger up and sticking her tongue out at him.

“Darlin’ yur a lil’ blurry but I bet I can still beatcha.” Tyler just laid there, sprawled like a fucking lion in the Sahara sun, entreating his lioness to come lay with him. 

“Y’know...if you wanna tax your brain more, then fine. I’ll bite. Let’s go, dumbass.” Georgia kicked her boots off and climbed the steps up.

“Mmm, I love when you call me names, Peach.” His tone was full of lust and snark, all in the same go. He didn’t even move but she could’ve sworn she saw his cock twitch in his jeans. No...she didn’t imagine it, because she just saw it happen again, and paired with his stupid fucking smile, Georgia’s expression was one of disbelief. She’d remind herself later to get him a t-shirt for Christmas that said ‘horny and concussed’.

“You’re fucked, Arkansas. I’m good at poker.” She admitted and he chuckled, the rumble of it deep in his chest. 

“We’ll see about that, Gee, when I’m the one with all my clothes still on .”

In fact, Georgia was fucked. Four shitty hands later and she was down to her bra and panties. She shivered and pulled one of the blankets over her lap. Yes, she had lost her shirt, her belt, her socks, and her jeans, all piled at the foot of the mattress now, threatening to fall over the edge. She checked the time. 1:16 AM. They’d been playing for nearly two hours. How? It was just poker. There had been a lot of flak in between rounds though. Tyler, teasing her about how bad she was at bluffing. Georgia, running her fingers over her skin, getting him flustered. She thought it was hilarious and sexy when his cheeks reddened as she let a single finger dip between her breasts, and he had to swallow hard and avert his gaze to avoid his cock straining anymore in his too tight Wranglers.

Her eyelids were drooping and she just wanted to go to bed at this point. Tyler dealt another hand, knowing he could somehow beat her and get all of her clothing off. After their bets, she revealed her hand. A throwaway. A four, a two, a seven, and a queen, all different suits. And Tyler? Four of a fucking kind. Again.

“You fucker. How. How are you this good at a fucking card game while you’re concussed as shit!” She threw her cards down and folded her arms across her chest, huffing in frustration.

“Don’t be mad, Peach, I’m so enjoying my victories here. Now, panties or bra? I know what I’d like...”

“Yeah? Then you fuckin’ bring your brain damaged ass over here and take them off yourself.” She was pissed, but as usual, Tyler knew how to make it all better. He took her cards, and his, and threw them toward her clothes. The deck, he chucked it over the edge, a flat thud sounding as it hit the floor and fanned out. 

Tyler Alexander Owens turned, wobbled, and rose to his hands and knees, then crawled toward his girlfriend like an animal, a very horny, unbalanced animal. He pressed his chest into her, pushing her down against the sheets and turning her annoyed frown upside down, as she dissolved into a fit of giggles. Tyler’s mouth dragged along her neck and over her collarbone, down to the swells of her breasts. He purred. He fucking purred as he popped the clasp of her bra open with just two fingers. 

“Tyler!” She screamed playfully as she discarded her bra and his warm tongue lapped at one of her nipples and then sucked it into his mouth. He rolled it carefully between his teeth, earning a gasp from Georgia, and a flood of arousal pooled at her core.

“Bet yur fuckin’ soaked for me, ain’t ya, Gee? Mmm’bet I could just slide right on in and it would feel so good.” Tyler’s voice rumbled, sending a spark down the fuse, connected to the dynamite in Georgia’s core. And the more he spoke, the faster that fuse burned. “Yeah, and I’m’onna make ya feel real good, Gee, real fuckin’ good, darlin’. Fuck, you’re so gorgeous when you’re underneath me, blushin’ with that pretty mouth open, waitin’ for me to make a move. Mmm, yeah...you’re fuckin’ beautiful, Gee, and I can’t handle myself around ya.”

“Tyler, christ...shut up and fuck me already, you silly man.” She pulled him up, connecting their lips, and Tyler drew back, a sly smirk across his thin lips. He slid her panties down and the sage green of his eyes met her blue.

“It’s Tyler Owens, love, but you can call me God if you need to.” He growled, as he ripped his shirt over his head. Her hands immediately grabbed for his chest, the fine dusting of hair tickling her wrists as she moved her fingers across it. She moaned into his mouth as he captured her lips again, reaching down to unbuckle his belt. He let the huge buckle jingle for a second, sighing in relief as he unzipped his jeans. Georgia’s ears perked up at the clinking that the buckle made. A heavenly sound.

“Oh my fuck! You are so dirty!” Georgia exclaimed as she cupped his cheeks, her smile wild against his. She felt hot. Too hot, and he wanted nothing more than to watch her burn. 

“It’s yur fault. Lookin’ like that, and all for me. All rosy cheeks and love drunk for me. God, Gee, I fuckin’ love you.” He murmured into her neck then, as he slid his jeans and boxers down in one go, letting his cock hang hard and heavy between his legs. 

“Ty...I need you inside me, now.” Georgia begged, her fingers digging into the back of his neck. He groaned and grabbed a condom from the box that they kept jammed in the left window sill. He ripped the wrapper with his teeth and spit it to the side. He smoothly rolled the condom on and then placed a hand above her head and one around his length. He spread her legs more with his thighs, settling into an angle that would push him to the deepest parts of her, the depth that would make her feel a prick of pain through her middle, the only depth she ever wanted him at. “Fuck me, Ty, please. You already fucked me in Poker, finish the job.”

“Ooh Peach, you’re such a naughty girl, y’know that. Beg for it again. Tell me you want it.” He swiped the head of his cock through her folds, and then his thumb over her clit. He glanced down and then spit in his hand. 

“Fuck me, Tyler. Now.” She watched as he spread his spit over the condom and then he shot a crass smile at her.

“I said beg me for it, Georgia. You won’t get this until you fuckin’ beg me, pretty girl.” Tyler withdrew his hips to a loud and protesting whimper from her. She whined and then threw her head back, her fingers clawing at his back.

“Tyler, please! Please give me everything. All of it, all of you. Please, I need you.” She keened, and Tyler couldn’t help the chuckle that left his lips. The rumble of satisfaction that rose from his throat went straight to her pussy, making her clench around nothing. His grin dissolved into an open mouth sigh as he finally, with one well aimed thrust, bottomed out inside her. He was sheathed to his hilt, as far as he could go and he stilled, reveling in the feeling of her warmth around him. God, how he wished he could feel how wet she was too. He could tell, but he knew that feeling it would be a totally different experience. He fucking hated condoms in that moment. But he also didn’t want kids right now. At some point, yes, but not now, because he knew if he ever fucked her bare, he wouldn’t be able to pull out. He knew he’d get addicted to the feeling and he’d never want anything else.

Tyler began a slow rhythm, dragging his cock in and out of Georgia, and loving every second of it. He leaned down, brushing his lips against hers. Their breathing was matched, equally raspy and labored. Tyler had begun to sweat, which was never hard for him anyway as he was basically a human furnace, but in such close proximity to Georgia, and with how aroused he started out, the sweat was practically dripping off of him. His fingers and hers met at her clit then, and he let her guide him, helping her get to her peak.

“Yeah, that’s it, Peach, show me what to do. Show me how to make this even fuckin’ better for you.” He growled. Georgia let her eyes flutter shut and she moaned his name.

“You already know, Ty. You’re so good.” 

“I can get better. I wanna make it even better, darlin’.” Tyler’s voice came out strained as his thrusts began to falter, as he began to fall apart at the seams.

“It can’t...it can’t get any better. How could it?”

“Mmm you know how, Peach.” His focus faltered, vertigo setting in for a split second before he regained control again. Deeper, faster, harder, he rutted into her like a beast.

“Can’t Tyler. We can’t. I want that but we can’t.”

“Ugh, don’t say shit like that to me. I wanna so bad.” Tyler’s rhythm became choppy, his hips stuttering as he felt her begin to lose her composure. She cascaded down into her sea of pleasure faster than she’d ever imagined possible. It had been his words. His words were what sent her over the edge.

“I know you do, Ty. I know. For now though just...just help me fin...ohh...finish...Tyler!” Her legs shook, her nails stung his skin, and she saw stars as her orgasm tumbled over her, wave after sweet, satisfying wave.

“There ya go, Peach, good girl, you’re such a good girl for me. Fuck, Gee.” He choked on his words, his praise and the feeling of her walls clamping down around his length not only helped Georgia get there, but it sent him careening toward the explosion that had been building rapidly for both of them. Tyler was shaky, biceps trembling in her hands as he caught his breath, one inhale at a time. The world spun and Georgia became blurry, the center of a field of black clouding his vision, but he closed his eyes, willing the blackout to never come.

And it never did. When he opened his eyes again, she was still there, underneath him, panting, breasts rising and falling in paired time with his own. He pulled out of her and disposed of the condom, then crawled back up beside her. He pulled the sheets up over them both and kissed her shoulder, before draping a strong arm over her stomach.

“I can’t believe I lost strip poker to a concussed bull rider. How could it get any worse?”

“Not only did you lose, but I made you beg for it. I told you you’d be the one getting fucked.” Tyler joked, and Georgia made a soft sound of agreement as she rolled to face him, her fingers ghosting over his cheek as she placed a careful kiss on his lips.

“My handsome, concussed, silly man.” She said, and Tyler snuggled closer, preening under her brilliant blue gaze as they both began to drift off to a much needed slumber.

🌪🛻🌪

Tyler enjoyed this. The mundane shit that he needed to do day in and day out. It satisfied him, whether it was mucking the stalls, taking the dogs out, going to get gas, or buying milk and groceries. It was exactly what he had always wanted. It was everything he’d ever wanted. And he was so fucking happy that he was doing it all with the woman of his dreams. She made it all worth it and easy. She made it all less boring, because compared to their old life, what they had now would be considered extremely boring. But with her, nothing was boring. That was never a problem for him.

“Hey Boone? You seen my charger?” Tyler asked, rifling through the center console and the back seat of his truck. Boone hopped in the passenger side and looked around, knowing that the charger was in there somewhere. He reached under the seat, his hands finding the cord. He pulled it out and whooped. Tyler startled slightly and then chuckled. “Why the fuck was it under there? Oh wait, are there...is it chewed?”

“Nah. It’s just bendy. I remember one of us put it under there cause you said Grits was chewing on it though.” Boone said and Tyler snapped his fingers and shook his head.

“You’re right. My bad. Gotta make sure it goes in the center console next time...and you...my four legged fur son...” Tyler said, pointing to the fast growing red dog in the back seat, “need to stop chewin’ on my shit, buddy.” 

Grits barked at him and panted, wiggling his butt excitedly as Tyler reached back and rubbed the dog’s shoulders. He put his paws on the center console, now that he could. He was almost fully grown, and he could have his back feet on the seat and stretch out toward the front without falling. He was quite pleased with himself, being able to perform such a feat. 

“He loves your boots!” Boone exclaimed, dissolving into a fit of laughter, which made the red dog bark and bounce in the back seat. 

“It’s like a fuckin’ circus here.” Tyler mused, earning a cacophonous laugh from Boone.

“Wouldn’t be fun if it was any other way, T!” He whooped and Tyler shook his head as they pulled out of the driveway, the two horse stock trailer attached to the hitch on Ole Red.

“I can’t believe we’re goin’ to get another horse.” Tyler smirked as he glanced over at Boone.

“Oh, I can. You like this one too.” Boone said, eyes going wide as the trailer bounced and bobbed on the road leading toward the center of Stillwater. Boone wasn’t used to it being empty, so no weight in it made it super loud.

“This one is actually a kid’s horse.” Tyler said, adjusting in his seat and putting in the address for the dealership first. 

“You guys have a kid’s horse.” Boone said, tilting his head. Tyler scoffed.

“Yeah Ducati still has a ways to go but he’ll get there. I can’t even believe the difference in that little horse in just a few months.” He said and then it was Boone’s turn to make a noise of disbelief.

“I can. You guys do a good job. You’re great parents to the little guy and the furry guys and gals. You’re fair and loving but firm when you need to be.” Boone’s compliments were not wasted. Tyler appreciated them. They were silent for a few minutes as they merged onto the main road, only a couple minutes from the dealership. 

“This horse has a cool name. ‘We Don’t Need Roads’. Little grey quarter horse. Think they said they call him Roadie.” Tyler said as he navigated the truck and trailer down the road, looking ahead for the best spot to park. He didn’t want to pull into the dealership as the cars and trucks were packed in like a can of sardines and he didn’t feel like maneuvering Red and the trailer through that mess. 

“That is a cool name. I like it! So what’s the plan again?” Boone asked. 

“So, we’re goin’ to pick up Gee’s truck first at the dealership. Then we gotta grab the trailer, and then we go get the horse.” Tyler explained as he pulled the truck over to the side of the road, just outside of the dealer lot. Both men stepped out, leaving Grits in the truck with the windows cracked. The young dog whined and Tyler reassured him they’d be back soon. He hopped into the front seat and sat in the driver’s seat, guarding his dad’s rig.

“Wait, doesn’t she know you’re getting the trailer?” Boone asked as they walked down the main aisle. It was a working man’s wet dream, as they passed trucks of every color, and model, and they were all Dodge Rams. Tyler knew Georgia loved her Chevy, but he’d covertly been able to ask her over the past couple of weeks what kind of a truck she’d want if she was going to get a brand new one. Of course she wanted a diesel, and probably a dually like Tyler’s, but she wanted a different color and she might be inclined to try a new Ram after seeing how well Tyler and Boone’s were holding up. 

“She knows I’m goin’ to get the horse. She doesn’t know I’m trading the trailer for the other trailer. It was a deal I couldn’t pass up. And then we gotta go look at that truck for Kate. She’s gonna meet us there. She’s excited as hell that she’ll have a truck finally. She said Scott’s been begging her to get one so they can stop driving around in Javi’s.” Tyler explained and as they entered the building, they were greeted by several salesmen, all reaching for a handshake. Tyler took some photos and signed some merch and then they sat down with the guy he’d spoken to on the phone, Louis, and got right down to signing paperwork.

“Do you think you wanna give it a quick test drive?” He asked as Tyler signed on each document and handed it back to Louis. Boone had branched off and was chatting with two other salesmen about chasing tornadoes, which made Tyler chuckle slightly.

“I don’t think we need to. I’m gonna drive it to our next destination so I'll have plenty of time to get used to it before I bring it home to my wife. She’ll be pretty damn excited.” Tyler said and the salesman smiled warmly as they finished up the paperwork and then he grabbed the spare key fob and guided Tyler and Boone out to the truck.

One of the mechanics had pulled it up from the garage as it was having one final detailing before they handed over the keys. Tyler smirked at Boone as he took them and climbed into the shiny red dually.

“It’s a very pretty truck!” Boone said with a wide grin. 

“ Pretty truck for my pretty wife .” Tyler shook the salesman's hand and Boone headed toward Ole Red. Tyler closed the door and rolled the window down and Louis handed him all the paperwork and then let him with one parting thought.

“If your team is ever looking for sponsorship...let us know. We might be able to get that going.” Louis said, handing Tyler his business card as well.

“I’m intrigued...I’ll talk to the team and my wife.” Tyler said as he saw Boone walking up with a squirmy Grits. Tyler put the paperwork in the center console and then pulled the dog through the window. Tyler took his phone out and paired it to the truck, then took a few pictures, one of which was Grits with his paws out the passenger side window, glancing back at Tyler. He drafted a post for the Wrangler Instagram with the caption ‘Grits Approved’ and then he saved it to post later because he knew damn well Georgia would be checking her instagram to see if Tyler had posted a picture of the new horse, even though anything he posted, he’d send to her anyway. He didn’t want to give away the surprise just yet.

Tyler drove the brand new flame red, Dodge dually, Cummins turbo diesel, out of the lot, followed by Boone in Ole Red. Tyler cranked up the radio, singing the chorus to Sold Out by Hardy at the top of his lungs as both trucks rumbled down the highway to their next destination.

[sabrinajenre96]

The Shepherd Chaos:

Pairing: Derek"McDreamy" Sheprard x Sloan! Reader This Part 2 of "A typical Seattle Grey shift or... Not" it's the aftermath of the chaotic birth of McBabies.

The hospital room was buzzing with excitement.

You sat up in bed, exhausted but content, watching as your daughters, Sawyer and Harper, slept peacefully in their bassinets. Derek sat beside you, still looking like his soul had left his body.

Mark, of course, had no sympathy.

“You look like you got hit by a truck, bro.”

Derek blinked slowly. “I feel like I got hit by a truck.”

Amelia grinned. “Oh, wait until Mom gets here.”

At that moment, the door swung open, and the Shepherd matriarch walked in.

Carolyn Shepherd, the definition of grace and intimidation in one person, swept into the room, her eyes immediately landing on the bassinets.

“Oh. My. God.”

Behind her, Derek’s sisters—Nancy, Kathleen, and Liz—froze in the doorway.

Nancy was the first to recover. “Wait. Two?!”

Kathleen, genuinely baffled, turned to Amelia. “Were we missing something?”

Amelia smirked. “Ohhh, you guys missed everything.”

Carolyn, still in shock, slowly turned to you and Derek. “You had twins?”

You smiled innocently. “Surprise?”

Derek, still recovering, ran a hand down his face. “Yeah. Surprise.”

Liz’s jaw dropped. “We didn’t even know you were having one baby, let alone two!”

Amelia cackled. “Oh, it gets better.”

Carolyn, still stunned, walked straight to the bassinets. She leaned down, taking in her two new granddaughters—both with tiny noses, soft tufts of hair, and Derek’s unmistakable blue eyes.

Her face softened immediately. “Oh, they’re beautiful.”

Derek, despite being in a near-vegetative state, managed a small smile. “Yeah. They are.”

Carolyn gently lifted one of the babies, cradling her carefully. “This one is…?”

“Sawyer,” you answered.

She nodded, pressing a soft kiss to Sawyer’s tiny forehead before switching to Harper. “And this one?”

“Harper,” Derek said, voice still laced with disbelief.

Carolyn sighed contently. “My beautiful granddaughters.”

Amelia, who had way too much energy for someone who just spent the last several hours laughing at her brother’s pain, sat down dramatically. “Alright! Who wants to hear the best story of all time?”

Derek groaned. “Amy, no.”

Amelia ignored him.

“So, picture this—we’re all working, normal day, everything’s great. Then my lovely sister-in-law decides to prank all of us by faking her water breaking.”

Nancy’s eyebrows shot up. “Wait. What?”

Kathleen snorted. “I love her already.”

“Oh, it gets so much better,” Amelia continued. “She got everyone. Meredith. Cristina. Alex. Callie and Arizona. Webber. Jackson. Bailey.”

Liz gasped. “She got Bailey?”

“Oh yeah,” Amelia nodded. “And Bailey actually bought it.”

Carolyn turned to you with something like respect in her eyes. “You fooled Miranda Bailey?”

You smirked. “Twice.”

Amelia grinned. “But the best part? She saved the grand finale for these two idiots.”

She pointed at Derek and Mark.

Mark groaned. “Here we go.”

Nancy perked up. “Oh, this is going to be good.”

“It was perfect,” Amelia said, leaning forward like she was delivering the punchline of the century. “They went full meltdown mode. Derek was trying to find an ambulance IN THE HOSPITAL. Mark started yelling at random interns. It was pure chaos.”

Kathleen laughed. “That is amazing.”

Liz, grinning, turned to Derek. “Really, Der? An ambulance?”

Derek just rubbed his temples. “I wasn’t thinking clearly.”

Mark pointed at him. “That’s an understatement.”

Carolyn, genuinely amused now, smirked. “So, let me get this straight—your wife pranked you by faking labor… and then, when she actually went into labor, you didn’t believe her?”

Derek groaned into his hands. “I hate how that sounds out loud.”

Amelia burst into laughter. “But wait—there’s more! Because when they finally figured out she was serious, these two dumbasses went into full-blown panic.”

Carolyn arched a brow. “Derek?”

Derek, defeated, nodded. “I panicked.”

Mark, grinning, patted his shoulder. “I can confirm. He panicked hard.”

Derek shot him a look. “You weren’t exactly calm, Sloan.”

Amelia gasped dramatically. “Oh my God, are you trying to throw Mark under the bus? Wow. Low.”

Nancy, shaking her head, turned back to you. “And you had to deal with this while in labor?”

You smiled sweetly. “Yup.”

Kathleen sighed. “You’re a saint.”

Derek pointed at her. “Finally, someone acknowledges that.”

Carolyn, still cradling Harper, smiled warmly at you. “Well, I have to say—I don’t know if I’ve ever been this surprised. But seeing these two beautiful girls…” She gazed at her granddaughters lovingly. “This is a wonderful surprise.”

Derek’s exhaustion melted into pure adoration. “Yeah,” he murmured, looking at you and then at the babies. “It really is.”

Mark, never one to let a moment stay too serious, clapped his hands together. “Alright! So, let’s get to the real question—who do I get to corrupt first?”

Derek glared. “Neither.”

Amelia grinned. “Joke’s on you, Mark. I already called dibs on being the cool aunt.”

Mark scoffed. “Yeah, okay, good luck beating me at that.”

Cristina, who had been silently sipping her coffee in the corner, finally spoke. “Yeah, you’re both delusional.”

You laughed, shaking your head as you leaned into Derek. Your daughters were surrounded by love, laughter, and just the right amount of chaos.

This was exactly the kind of family you wanted.

And as Derek sighed in exhaustion, you couldn’t help but smirk.

Because this?

This was only the beginning.

[missyblogs]

Under the Old Light Pole

It was late on a Sunday night, early in February. The air was a kind of cold that chilled your bones as the villain huffed. He tried, at first to grip the sole light pole on the street.

"That SportaFLOP thought HE could stop ME, Robbie Rotten? with a little grease? Ha! I'll show that do-gooder REAL elbow grease and set a trap for the ENTIRE TOWN! That'll teach THEM for watching sports on a Sunday!" He grimaced. Sports! on the laziest day of the week! Superbowl schmuperbowl, the villain didn't care if it was the Olympics, one did not disrupt the sanctity of rest with that dreadful active business! With a dialogue fitting only the most cartoonish of men, Robbie set to work- pushing and groaning as he tried, and then failed, to topple over the light pole.

"I see, you're playing hard to get are you?" He uttered menacingly. "Fine fine I guess I will JUST have to dismantle you the old fashioned way" It was that chain of events that found him clutching the lamp for dear life. He was almost certain he was going to become the Billboard Guy for real this time when the sound of rap reached his ears. Ice blue eyes widened comically when they landed on a strange and beautiful face across the street. Inexplicably, this stranger had set up a booth on the back of the town dump truck and was hard at work curating the most disruptive and provocative playlist he had ever heard. At almost midnight! At once two conflicting thoughts ran through his head. Why hadn't HE thought of that?

and more confusingly How had he not noticed a townie as good looking as him, and why did that cute little smile set his heart racing as they danced away to a rhythm of their own design? It took only that moment for Robbie to fall- both physically and metaphorically- with a startled yelp. "Oh hey there be careful!" The world's most perfect voice reached his ears immediately as he was greeted not with the sight of his arch nemesis coming to an obnoxious and unwanted rescue, but the very welcome sight of this emerald clad newcomer racing to his side. The thought of their undivided attention hit him with a strange sense of giddiness and pride harder than his impact with the ground. The reason was something the villain would unpack later, or preferably never. "They grease those after 8 where I come from. You gotta be real careful with your grip."

The advice came with an outstretched hand. Robbie almost refused, but something about the way the pretty DJ flashed him an inviting smile melted aaaall the bravado away and with a nervous swallow, he took the beguiling stranger's offer. "I-I uh- ... Thank you." He replied curtly as he accepted their help. His legs nearly turned to jelly at the lightning that shot down his spine and filled his stomach with butterflies as his palm met theirs. It had all the qualities he somehow never knew he loved, a perfect fit in his. "Go birds. This your first win?" The tone in their voice was laced with something lighthearted, like a joke only they knew the punchline to. Normally it would have put him on edge but there was something friendly about this perfect stranger that turned his nerves to molten goo. They weren't here to lecture him for his rotten plan. For whatever reason, they didn't question him at all and the thought made his heart flutter.

"Yeah I uh I- uh yeah it is" He flashed them a nervous smile and the fact that their hands still connected seemed to be lost on them both as the DJ stood there with that blasted smile. A smile meant for him. "Well that makes two of us then, congratulations!... for probably the first time in both our lives" The casual way they rolled their eyes nearly took his breath away. The newcomer swung their joined hands playfully as they continued. "You know, climbing these is a Superbowl tradition back home" "Oh- oh really?" His heart fluttered as he slipped his hand out of theirs. "And what kind of tradition is that?" "An Emerald City tradition" The DJ folded their arms behind their back and the villain couldn't help but think about how adorable they looked as they swayed. "City of Brotherly Love reeeeally knows how to party" The look in their glittering eyes under the soft warmth of the lamp light both captivated him and spoke of a certain mischief. By the end of the night, the villain found himself and his new best friend chanting the lyrics of his new favorite song through the street, waking the town up one house at a time as they carted off their surprisingly easily won prize- one disconnected lamp lost he fully intended to use as a road block later. Apparently that was Emerald City tradition too.

[freshpuns]

50 Hilarious Gas Station Puns That Will Leave You Pumped Up With Laughter

https://freshpuns.com/?p=1427 50 Hilarious Gas Station Puns That Will Leave You Pumped Up With Laughter Looking for a laugh at the pump? We’ve gathered the most hilarious gas station puns that are sure to fuel your sense of humor. From octane jokes to premium wordplay, these quips will have you chuckling while you fill up your tank. Table of Contents Toggle 10 Fuel-arious Gas Station Puns That Will Drive You CrazyWhy Gas Station Humor Is Pumping Up The InternetThe Rising Popularity of Fuel-Related WordplayHow Social Media Spreads Gas Station ComedyTop Gas Station Puns To Fuel Your ConversationPremium Grade Wordplay For Oil EnthusiastsDiesel-Powered One-Liners That Won’t Break DownPerfect Gas Station Puns For Road Trip EntertainmentFamily-Friendly Fuel Jokes For The Long HaulPremium Punchlines To Keep The Car LaughingGas Station Pun Merchandise That’s Gaining TractionT-Shirts That Put The “Gas” In “Gastic”Novelty Items That Fuel LaughterHow To Craft Your Own Gas Station PunsUnderstanding The Formula For Fuel-Based HumorTips For Refining Your Petroleum PunchlinesConclusion: The Lasting Power Of Gas Station ComedyFrequently Asked QuestionsWhy have gas station puns become so popular online?What makes a good gas station pun?Can gas station puns be used commercially?How can I create my own gas station puns?Are gas station puns good for family road trips?What are some examples of premium gas station puns? 10 Fuel-arious Gas Station Puns That Will Drive You Crazy I’m running on empty – Need a good laugh while filling up your tank? This classic pun works perfectly when you’re both low on gas and energy! That’s just how I petroleum – When someone questions your methods at the pump, this witty response shows you’ve got a slick sense of humor. You octane my heart – Perfect for that special someone who fuels your passion. Nothing says romance like a high-performance gas joke. I’ve got gas problems – A double-meaning masterpiece that works whether you’re discussing your vehicle or your digestive system. Use with caution around new acquaintances! Diesel be the day – A clever play on “this’ll be the day” that’s perfect for making predictions while filling up your truck. I’m pumped to see you – This enthusiastic greeting works especially well when meeting friends at a gas station convenience store. That joke was crude – Oil-based wordplay that serves as both a pun and a commentary on someone’s questionable humor choices. You’re driving me stations – When someone’s really pushing your buttons, this fuel-inspired twist on “driving me crazy” hits the mark. I can’t af-ford these prices – A car brand pun that perfectly captures everyone’s reaction to seeing the numbers climb on the gas pump. Thanks a gallon – Show your appreciation with this liquid measurement pun that’s perfect for thanking the attendant or whoever paid for your fuel. Why Gas Station Humor Is Pumping Up The Internet Gas station humor has become a cultural phenomenon that resonates with millions of people online. We’ve noticed this trend gaining important traction for several key reasons. First, the universal experience of visiting gas stations creates an instantly relatable context for jokes. Everyone understands the routine of filling up their vehicle, making these puns accessible to a broad audience. Also, gas station humor tends to be light-hearted and family-friendly, allowing it to spread across various demographics without causing offense. The Rising Popularity of Fuel-Related Wordplay Fuel-related wordplay has exploded across the internet due to its clever linguistic creativity. Popular puns like “pumped to see you,” “fuel my happiness,” and “filling experience” showcase the inventive ways people transform everyday gas station terminology into humor. Websites dedicated to wordplay such as Punsify, PunnyPulse, and Punpedia actively promote and share these gas-themed jokes, further fueling their popularity. Online communities play a crucial role in keeping gas station humor fresh and evolving. Users constantly create new puns and share them in forums, fostering a sense of community around this exact brand of comedy. The collective creativity ensures that gas station humor never runs on empty, with new jokes constantly being refined and developed by enthusiastic participants. How Social Media Spreads Gas Station Comedy Social media platforms serve as the perfect distribution channels for gas station humor. Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook provide ideal environments where these jokes can quickly reach thousands or even millions of people. Users can effortlessly share, comment on, and repost content they find amusing, dramatically amplifying its reach. Hashtags like #GasStationPuns and #FuelHumor help categorize this content, making it discoverable to interested audiences. These organizational tools allow new users to find gas station comedy even if they don’t follow accounts that typically share such content. Trending features on social platforms further highlight popular gas station jokes, increasing their visibility exponentially. The user-generated nature of social media content keeps gas station humor ever-changing and ever-changing. Anyone with a clever idea can create and share their own fuel-related puns, contributing to the collective humor database. This democratic approach ensures a constant stream of new material that keeps the genre feeling fresh rather than stale. Top Gas Station Puns To Fuel Your Conversation Premium Grade Wordplay For Oil Enthusiasts Looking for clever expressions to spark conversation at the pump? We’ve collected some high-octane wordplay that’s guaranteed to ignite smiles. “You fuel my happiness” serves as a perfect compliment for someone special in your life. “Let’s make this a filling experience” works wonderfully when greeting friends at your favorite gas station. Drivers often joke “I’m just trying to stay fueled and fabulous” when topping off their tanks before a night out. “Gasoline is the reason my car has a lot of drive” perfectly captures the relationship between vehicle performance and quality fuel. These premium grade puns work in various situations and prove that humor at the pump doesn’t need to run on empty. Diesel-Powered One-Liners That Won’t Break Down Our collection of diesel-strength one-liners will keep conversations running smoothly without stalling. “My car’s favorite dance? The fuel shuffle” offers a playful personification that car enthusiasts particularly enjoy. “I’ve got a gas-tly sense of humor” serves as a perfect self-deprecating joke when telling fuel-related puns. “When life gives you lemons, trade them for gasoline” provides a witty twist on the classic saying that resonates with practical drivers. Early risers might appreciate “I’m not a morning person, but my car runs on coffee and gas” which perfectly captures that early commute feeling. Relationship humor works too, as in “Why did the engine break up with the transmission? Too much shifting around” – a joke that combines automotive knowledge with classic relationship dynamics. These diesel-powered puns deliver reliable laughs without requiring a maintenance check. Perfect Gas Station Puns For Road Trip Entertainment Road trips become much more entertaining when you’ve got some gas station humor in your tank. We’ve compiled these fuel-focused funnies that will keep everyone laughing mile after mile. Family-Friendly Fuel Jokes For The Long Haul Why did the car start a band? Because it wanted to be a gas-tastic band! This classic joke sets the tone for family-friendly humor that everyone can enjoy. Kids will love asking what the gas pump said to the car, with the simple yet charming punchline: “Let’s fill up and hit the road!” The fuel gauge apparently has creative aspirations too – it started a blog to share its adventures in mileage! For those sleepy passengers, you might ask why the car brought a pillow on the road trip. The answer? It wanted to take a fuel nap! These clean, accessible jokes work perfectly for younger passengers and create a light atmosphere during those long stretches of highway. Another crowd-pleaser comes from our slow-moving friends: Why did the turtle cross the road? To get to the Shell station! This play on the famous petroleum company will surely crack a smile on even the most restless travelers’ faces. Premium Punchlines To Keep The Car Laughing Looking for jokes with a bit more octane? Ask your passengers where you are when the price of gasoline gives you goose bumps. At a chilling station, of course! This clever wordplay elevates your pun game to premium levels. We love the family connection in this next one: What do you call family members that own a gas station? Pump kin! This pun works on multiple levels and might just become a family favorite for future trips. Law enforcement humor gets the gas treatment with this one: Why don’t bicycle cops stop gasoline theft? Because they’re not on petrol! The British term for gasoline creates a perfect punchline that adults will particularly appreciate. For a more personable approach, try greeting your travel companions with “I’m pumped to see you! You fuel my happiness! Let’s make this a filling experience!” These expressions combine everyday phrases with gas station terminology, creating memorable lines that can become running jokes throughout your journey. Gas Station Pun Merchandise That’s Gaining Traction Gas station humor has evolved beyond casual jokes at the pump to become a thriving merchandise category. Creative entrepreneurs are capitalizing on our collective love for fuel-themed wordplay by offering products that showcase the best gas station puns. T-Shirts That Put The “Gas” In “Gastic” T-shirts remain the most popular canvas for gas station humor, with several designs gaining important attention among pun enthusiasts. The phrase “I’m pumped to see you!” stands out as a playful greeting that works perfectly on casual wear for those who appreciate a good fuel-related joke. Fashion-forward individuals often gravitate toward the energetic declaration “I’m just trying to stay fueled and fabulous!” which combines style and humor in one wearable package. Another popular design features the positive affirmation “My fuel gauge is always on the full side of life!” ��� perfect for optimists who want to spread good vibes while showcasing their appreciation for clever wordplay. These shirts have become particularly popular at car shows, automotive events, and even as gifts for mechanics or gas station workers. Novelty Items That Fuel Laughter Coffee mugs and water bottles featuring gas station puns have become essential items for fuel humor fans. The joke “Why did the gas station attendant always smile? Because pumping gas was his fuel-time job!” appears frequently on drinkware, bringing smiles during morning coffee routines. Water bottles sporting the motivational phrase “Life’s a journey; make sure you fuel it with laughter!” combine practical hydration with daily inspiration. Keychains and stickers have become vehicles for more compact puns, with the playful declaration “I’m in a fuel-ationship with my car!” emerging as a bestseller among car enthusiasts. Stickers featuring the cautionary but humorous advice “Don’t be a pump and dump; fill up with laughter!” appear on laptops, water bottles, and car bumpers nationwide. Some retailers have even created specialized merchandise for gas station owner families, with items labeled “Pump kin” becoming popular personalized gifts that cleverly play on family connections to the fuel industry. How To Craft Your Own Gas Station Puns Creating your own gas station puns is easier than you might think. We’ve compiled expert techniques to help you develop petroleum-powered wordplay that will have everyone at the pump laughing. Understanding The Formula For Fuel-Based Humor Gas station puns thrive on clever wordplay using terminology related to gasoline, cars, and filling stations. Word substitution forms the foundation of many successful fuel jokes – replacing everyday words like “glass” with “gas” creates instant humor in phrases like “through the looking gas.” Similarly, transforming “grass” to “gas” in expressions such as “green as gas” offers unexpected chuckles. Double meanings elevate your pun quality significantly. Phrases like “Fuel your day with positivity—it’s the natural gas way!” work because they connect everyday concepts with petroleum terminology. Car-related humor also delivers reliable laughs, as demonstrated by jokes like “Why did the car always carry a pencil? It wanted to draw in the laughs!” Playing with familiar idioms provides another effective approach. Transform common sayings by injecting gas station elements – “Don’t put all your eggs in one gas basket” or “Let’s pump the brakes on bad vibes” create immediate recognition followed by surprise. Using exact terminology like “fill up,” “pump,” “gasoline” and “fuel” anchors your puns firmly in the gas station universe. Scenarios involving gas stations generate memorable humor. Jokes like “I told my friend to stop drinking gasoline. He said he was just trying to get his fill!” combine absurdity with cleverness. Car and mechanic themes expand your punning possibilities with lines such as “Why did the mechanic become a stand-up comic? He wanted to rev up the crowd!” Tips For Refining Your Petroleum Punchlines Simplicity remains key when crafting effective gas station puns. Expressions like “I’m feeling gas-tastic today!” work because they’re immediately understandable without explanation. Current events make your puns more relatable – references to gas prices in jokes like “Gas prices are so high, my car runs on dreams now” connect with audiences through shared experiences. Experimentation leads to discovering your best material. Try different word combinations and test them with friends to see which generate the strongest reactions. Questions make excellent pun delivery vehicles, as seen in “Why did the gas pump say to the car? ‘Let’s fill up and hit the punchlines!'” Running your puns through multiple revisions often improves their quality. Start with a basic concept like “filling up” and explore variations until you find the most effective wording. Consider your audience when developing petroleum punchlines – family-friendly jokes work in most situations, while more complex wordplay might appeal to fellow pun enthusiasts. Visual elements sometimes enhance your gas station humor. Gestures mimicking pumping gas can accompany verbal jokes for added impact. Timing matters significantly – delivering your pun at an unexpected moment during conversation about cars or travel creates maximum surprise and delight. Conclusion: The Lasting Power Of Gas Station Comedy We’ve filled up your humor tank with the best gas station puns around! From “octane my heart” to “diesel be the day” these clever quips have proven their staying power in our daily lives and across social media. Whether you’re crafting your own fuel-themed jokes making memories on family road trips or sporting a punny t-shirt gas station humor connects us through shared experiences at the pump. So next time you’re refueling don’t miss the opportunity to crack a smile with these petroleum-powered punchlines. They’re more than just jokes – they’re a cultural phenomenon that keeps our spirits high even when gas prices aren’t! Frequently Asked Questions Why have gas station puns become so popular online? Gas station puns have gained popularity because they’re highly relatable (everyone needs fuel), family-friendly, and clever. They’ve created a unique online community across platforms like Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook under hashtags like #GasStationPuns. Their universal appeal comes from turning an everyday mundane activity into something entertaining, allowing people to connect through shared experiences and creative wordplay. What makes a good gas station pun? A good gas station pun typically involves clever wordplay related to fuel, pumps, or vehicles. The best ones use word substitution, double meanings, or play with familiar phrases. They should be simple, relatable, and easy to understand quickly. The most successful gas station puns work because they transform ordinary fueling experiences into unexpected moments of humor without being overly complicated. Can gas station puns be used commercially? Absolutely! Gas station puns have evolved into a thriving merchandise category. Entrepreneurs sell t-shirts with phrases like “I’m pumped to see you!” and “My fuel gauge is always on the full side of life!” Other popular items include coffee mugs, water bottles, keychains, and stickers featuring fuel-themed jokes. Some businesses even create specialized merchandise for gas station owner families with phrases like “Pump kin.” How can I create my own gas station puns? Creating gas station puns is easier than you might think. Start by using techniques like word substitution (changing “petroleum” to “pet-roll-eum”) or playing with double meanings of words like “gas,” “pump,” or “fuel.” Use everyday scenarios involving cars or gas stations as inspiration. Keep your puns simple, relatable, and experiment with different word combinations until you find something that brings a smile. Are gas station puns good for family road trips? Gas station puns are perfect for family road trips! They’re generally clean, accessible to all ages, and help create a fun atmosphere during long drives. Examples like “Why did the car start a band? Because it wanted to be a gas-tastic band!” can entertain younger passengers. These light-hearted jokes keep conversations lively and provide entertainment when stopping to refuel during your journey. What are some examples of premium gas station puns? Premium gas station puns include “You octane my heart,” “You fuel my happiness,” and “Let’s make this a filling experience.” Other clever examples are “My car’s favorite dance? The fuel shuffle,” “When life gives you lemons, trade them for gasoline,” and “Diesel be the day.” These higher-grade puns typically feature more sophisticated wordplay while remaining accessible and entertaining to a wide audience. https://freshpuns.com/?p=1427 Fresh Puns

[silverslipstream]

I was waiting for the 'Bill and Ben are ex-lovers' twist for so long that the actual punchline hit me like a fucking Mack truck

Bill and Ben | Tom Cardy

[kitchenscene]

Cheese and the firehouse for the buddie fic thing

cheese + the firehouse

Eddie’s alone, but not in the lonely way. Firefighters pass through the loft, a gentle murmur, but him and Buck, they’re in their own bubble. Fluorescents fill the station. Garage doors shut, sleep begins to roll through. An easy day, quick calls, long breaks. A long day, the slow ones always are. Boredom set in around nine p.m., two hours later and he hasn’t been cured. Tired eyes replace the slow drag of feet. There's the soft hum of the espresso machine from the kitchen, the sound of someone fighting off sleep one shot at a time.

Eddie’s given up on the fight, letting his head fall into Buck’s lap. They’re sitting on the couch; Buck’s sitting, Eddie’s draped across the cushions, leg hanging off the edge. He’s read the title of Buck’s book at least a dozen times, and studied the reviews on the back cover twice as much. The spine is worn, binding peeling apart, well read, well loved. Every few minutes, Buck taps his feet, jostling Eddie’s head, though he never mentions it and lets him fidget as he reads.

One hand tangles in Eddie’s hair, only moving away to turn the page. He leans into the scratches against his scalp like a cat, pressing further into Buck’s touch, humming softly. Content, yes, but still, he’s restless. He traces the back of Buck’s book, knocking his knuckles against the spine.

Buck taps the book against Eddie’s nose, his face scrunching in response. He huffs before pushing the book to the side to uncover Buck’s face.

“Hi,” he whispers, smiling down at Eddie. Buck’s hand slides towards his hairline, thumb rubbing small circles against his forehead. “How’s it goin’ down there?”

“I’m bored,” he sighs, reaching his hand up. Buck sets his book face down on Eddie’s stomach and tangles their hands together, resting on his chest.

“You need entertainment?”

Eddie pulls his leg back onto the couch, knees bent up. He taps his fingers against Buck’s knuckles, scrunching his face. “Maybe.”

“You’re in luck,” he says, squeezing his hand gently.

“Oh, am I?” Eddie raises a brow. He shifts in his seat but makes no effort to sit up.

“Absolutely,” he grins. “I’m full of jokes. What kind of tea is hard to swallow?”

Eddie squints his eyes. “Are you asking or telling?”

“Reality!” He throws out the punchline, ignoring Eddie’s question. “Why did the man get hit by a bike every day?”

“Why are your cheesy jokes so dark?”

“Because he was stuck in a vicious cycle.”

Eddie closes his eyes and groans at the punchline. Buck smiles down at him, clearly pleased with his reaction.

“Oh, I have more.”

“Are they just as bad as that one?”

Buck ruffles Eddie’s hair and he makes a face. “No, they’re worse,” he assures. “What do you call an alligator detective?”

“An investi-gator,” they say in sync.

Buck drops his jaw in mock offense. “Don’t steal my punchlines,” Buck taps his nose with their interlocked hands. “What do cows like to read?”

“What?”

“A cattle-log,” Buck grins. Eddie shakes his head, amused. The jokes keep rolling as Buck continues brushing through his hair. “What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?”

“Do you only know bike jokes?”

“Bikes and animals,” he corrects, pointing at Eddie, dragging their locked hands along with the gesture.

“Fine,” Eddie concedes, “What’s the difference?”

“Attire,” he says. Eddie gives him half a laugh in response. “Why did the bike fall over?”

The bell rings before he can finish the joke, before he can tell Buck, “please get new jokes.” Buck swipes his book off Eddie’s stomach and plants a kiss to his forehead before sliding out from under him. He takes a moment before following him down the stairs into the truck, surely more jokes to come on the ride to their call.

send me a word + a place and i'll write you a short buddie fic

[sepublic]

King’s Identity Crisis

           Making a HUGE character-dive into King;

           I’ll say it again, but I ADORE how this episode really dives into King as a person, how he ticks- It really and truly takes him seriously, it treats his feelings and insecurities as real? Just like The Intruder and other King-centric episodes or B-plots, but Echoes of the Past ESPECIALLY…!

           Just… when he asks if Luz and the others are secretly laughing behind his back; I expected angst to some degree, but that line, the emotion, the broken heart and fear, King’s world crumbling down around him- It really hit like a freight truck and completely blindsided me to how real it felt… Because this was reality for King!

           Because King is someone who’s always felt like a joke- He’s always felt like someone who’s never really taken seriously, never really acknowledged as a person, just a flat punch-line to laugh at, most of the time… Just something cute and pretty to amuse others against his will, and that’s all he’ll ever be, and it really must be a suffocating kind of realization!

           And I think King’s whole memory issues just play into this larger identity crisis over who he is, what he’s actually good at, etc. I get the sense that he really is trying to reclaim who he is, his past, by essentially creating his own idea from it- And it really is all the more heartbreaking when he’s forced to confront that, no, he never did those fantastical things!

           It really reminds me of Luz, but for King, there’s this hidden layer of King not really knowing for sure what or WHO he is- So he makes up a story that sounds as flattering as possible, and latches onto that as tightly as he can. I have to wonder if he always knew or suspected, deep-down, that his story was flawed and likely fake; And that’s why he never really returned to that temple;

           (LOTS of content and analyses below!!!)

           King didn’t want to challenge that story. He didn’t want to change it up, he was already content with the past he had, the delusions he’s made for himself; So he didn’t want to risk or shake things up by uncovering the truth, because he had the unfortunately correct feeling that he wouldn’t like the answer. But even if he knew deep-down that it was all fake, it still meant a lot to him that his friends trusted King enough, took him seriously enough to actually believe him anyway!

           So, the fact that they didn’t believe King, not necessarily on some basis of not quite trusting him, but… Just not taking him seriously, because again King is just a joke and a punchline, just something to coo over and laugh at; It really breaks his mind because he doesn’t know what he’s good at! King really DOES want attention and to be admired, but he wants to do have it on his own terms, for something he chose and did- Because he’s KING, he’s King and these actions reflect the person he chooses to be!

           And I think this thing of deciding who you are… Again, I appreciate that the show goes out of its way to stress and emphasize who King is without the backstory; That Luz, Eda, as well as Lilith and Hooty- They know King not as some fearsome tyrant of the past… They just know him as the little guy they know and love! And I think that makes their appreciation and respect of him all the more meaningful…

           They don’t value King on some nebulous story that’s ultimately proven to be a lie; They value King based on the time they have with him, on things that ARE very much real, and very much what King did! Maybe they didn’t take him seriously enough about the backstory, Eda understandably because she DID actually know the truth-

           But, again it just stresses to King that he IS someone to Luz and Eda, regardless of whatever mysterious past he has, if any. The real King is who they’ve loved, no delusions or anything- And it’s sweet that in this episode, King kind of learns to see and love himself the way his friends do? Without any needed fluff to compensate, no hidden past, because the King as he is now, and will continue to be… That’s great! They’re not mourning some lost, past King that isn’t anymore or never was.

           It’s meaningful that King confronts who he is without a backstory or origin, who he actually CHOSE to be- The King his friends love, THAT is the King that resulted from his actual agency in things, instead of things he can’t actually control. I think that really furthers the themes of Found Family, that King can’t decide his own past nor origins, but like Luz and the others- He can make his own identity from even nothing regardless… And he can choose his own family, who he is to others, etc.

           King just wants to be respected, to be taken seriously- He’s tired of being underestimated! And when it turns out that his story WAS fake, that everyone’s doubts in him really were justified, it just makes him break, in a way that utterly shatters my heart, because he’s suddenly doubting himself… 

          His credibility, his belief and confidence, just the person he is! And I have to wonder if King suffers from Impostor Syndrome, low-key? That he really does try to think the best of himself, but he thinks he’s just fake, that others don’t actually respect or take him seriously, they’re just trying to be nice because they pity him…

           And they DID kind of pity him in this moment, and it’s just so horrifically existential! Because King has NOTHING to fall back on, no past nor origins, no family or anything! Eda knew who she was, Luz has her mother, and so forth- But King, it feels like he has nothing of his OWN, and that connects a lot to how he envies Eda and Luz, low-key… Sees them as cool heroes of their own story who have it all good, but what about him? Is HE being left behind, because they’re secretly too good for him?

           Maybe that’s why King exaggerates his importance- Because he thinks that if he’s important, people will value him, they’ll pay attention to him. Maybe he won’t be so lonely… Eda was obviously an amazing parent to King, but then so was Camila to Luz- And alas, there’s only so much a single parent can do for their kid. Eventually, they need to go out into the world and meet others, and really build themselves…

           Again, it’s heartbreaking how King just has this huge expectation and pressure to be more than what he is when he’s only like, eight years old- Because he’s afraid that if he doesn’t live up to HIS expectations, he’ll prove everyone right! Everyone will be right about him, about dismissing him… King will fulfill that exact prophecy everyone had of him as nothing.

          He wants to prove them wrong, he wants to defiantly defeat those assumptions- So to still be wrong anyway, it’s like everyone else really does know King, more than he knows himself. Which… with Eda knowing his backstory over him, OUCH. Honestly, why does King keep trying to defy the odds, to defy the fate- Is he really brave, does he really think he can overcome this? Or is he just in blind denial of the truth, of reality…

           …Yet- Luz was able to see past the falsehoods and fantasy of King’s alleged past, and see him for who he TRULY was- And THAT person, was a good friend she stuck around with. She’s an illuminating Light, after all; She cast away the shadows and helped see King for who he really was, and that’s someone who doesn’t have anything to prove! He’s already great as he is now, he doesn’t need to justify nor compensate, to say that he deserves autonomy and respect, to have agency and whatever he desires on his own terms!

           Because I bet King has a complicated relationship with being cooed over and taken care of, because I think he DOES want to be pampered like a kid, and treasured like one- He just also wants to have it on his own terms, to also be taken seriously and respected, to have autonomy. It really is like how a lot of kids struggle with wanting to be loved like a child, to have the fact that they’re just a small kid trying their best be acknowledged- But they also really do want some autonomy and to be taken seriously and listened to, and it’s such a dilemma!

           And Luz- She’s a kid, she’s basically King’s sibling, and SHE respects that! She gets that! She listens to King, she humors his requests, but she still takes him seriously as a friend, holds him to a certain standard because she believes in him to be better and grow, to own up to his mistakes because he’s NOT just some dumb kid, Luz is also a kid and she can grow, even while people like Eda recognize that she deserves some slack because again, this is a child trying her best!

           King just wants things on his own terms- He doesn’t like people assigning this identity to him without regard to how he feels, regardless of whether or not that happens to align with what he does want! Because people didn’t actually take that into consideration, King was lucky- But if he ever DID bring up what he wanted and it was contrary, he’d never be listened to. And it’s this weird, self-conscious self-image thing of… He doesn’t want to live up to people’s image of him, to tell them they’re right- But he also wants to be true to himself at the same time?

           It’s like people take that away from him, they take that identity from King- He wants to prove them wrong in assigning him such a dismissive identity, but. What if that IS who he his? Is he gonna be true to himself, or define himself as someone contrary to whatever people perceive? If so, then he’s still a puppet to what others think of them, in a sense… He just needs to live for himself, be happy in his own skin-

           And I think he’s beginning to be! Obviously that hesitance, that pause at the end when Luz asks him if he’s okay and content with all this, it makes me concerned… But honestly, I wouldn’t blame King if he still needs a bit more time to settle into this. Because he’s not entirely sure of himself and his own decisions, if he IS fine- He’s figuring himself out a lot, and he’s literally only eight. King, cut YOURSELF some slack- You’re not insulting or downgrading yourself, you’re not dismissing your ability for not living up to this standard…

           You’re simply acknowledging your reasonable limits that nobody should be ashamed for, least of all you! So I like that the episode, before it reveals that there IS a bit more to King’s origin, even if there’s nevertheless nothing else to King’s own feats- The episode makes sure to reiterate to King, to make himself realize and understand who he is, regardless. And I’ve always felt that way about King, passionately, that with or without a hidden past, he really is a very in-depth character with plenty of pathos- So seeing Luz validate that, remind him of that before any truth can be reached…

           Again, I truly love it. He really does look so small in this large, frightening world, so alone- So King tries to take some stake in it, tries to set up a wall and a terrifying image to defend and protect himself. He’s small, he doesn’t want to be overlooked and not noticed, forgotten and left behind- Like in Really Small Problems. King wants to be recognized for who he IS… Whatever that is, he’s not sure, and maybe others can help him figure that out, should they pay attention to him.

           And, they did! They did pay attention to King, hence how Luz, in her repeated understandings with King, as early as The Intruder, where she recognizes his genuine insecurities and need for validation, to be taken seriously and acknowledged- Luz really DOES understand King… And in turn, that helps King can understand himself through her, because she can look at him. She can look at him without any conceptions of his past, and say who he is, and LOVE that person.

           Maybe King did prove Eda right in being unable to handle the truth at first… But even if he’s not much now- Look what he chose to be! He can choose. He can grow and change, King has AGENCY in this world, and again, he can cut himself some slack for not being perfect! Yeah he’s a wittle guy, what about it, to those who mock him for it- Don’t you have anything better to do than taunt a little creature for being himself, for something he cannot help?

           People like Boscha or Tibbles- They can screw off. As King said, people like that couldn’t afford him anyway… He’s a King of Self-Confidence, and like Luz, if he isn’t NOW, he can MAKE himself that way! Luz wasn’t Luzura, but she WAS Luz, and she could change what that meant, add to that- King wasn’t the King of Demons, but he IS King, and he can change what that means, add to that… And he has.

           He’s been a friend to Luz and Eda, helped them out. Grown beyond his own selfish tendencies and immaturity. Helped guide Gus. Discovered and honed his artistic inclinations, his creativity… King’s discovered that he can be a pretty decent teacher, either to Luz or to an entire classroom of kids! 

          He really is on a journey of self-discovery, so it makes sense that with Echoes of the Past, he finally confronts the illusion he made for himself. King’s discovered who he is and can be, and will be, he’s decided that- Now he needs to know for sure who he was…

           I’ve said it before that he’s a lot like Lilith, especially with Separate Tides confirming that Lilith doesn’t know who she is now without a coven nor bile-magic… She’s a person who’s childish and hasn’t grown, but now she’s also beginning to discover herself and build off of that. Lilith found her own Luz in… Hooty, of all people. Her and King both feel like they’re not important, and now?

           I think it’s interesting that King is going to consider his own relation to someone else, a relative who DOES have actual feats, who’s actually done things! Will he also begin to feel overshadowed, like he’s not living up to a certain expectation- When for so long others expected the worst, now King feels like he has a standard to live up to? To again, also defy how others underestimate him? I can’t say for sure, and I have concerns that King might relapse or struggle a bit…

           But you know what? That’s fair. He’s literally a kid, he’s allowed to struggle. He’s allowed to doubt and reconsider and hesitate- He’s going through a lot, he’s still figuring out who he is… King is allowed to be a bit unsure of himself and if he’s ready, if he’s moved on or still needs help. Again, he figured out who he was with Luz and Eda, and with them as well as Lilith and Hooty, and Gus- I think King can figure that out a second time.

           King… King just wants his emotions, his desires, his anger at things, his sadness and mourning, his self-esteem on the line here; He wants it to have VALUE, to be valued by others. So I love that Luz and Eda confirm that their love is unconditional to him- That they DID think he came from nowhere, but that didn’t change a thing. I bet they both felt like nobodies- Luz canonically, and Eda, Lilith confirmed that the Clawthornes weren’t exactly high-status.

          Eda also had an identity issue in figuring herself out, what she wanted to do and who she was; She embraced that as the Owl Lady, she decided who she was in defiance to what others expected and labelled her as! So again, Eda being someone who can work with these labels- She really is also good for King, and I think he can learn a lot from her, more than he already has, same with Luz. King wants to be given gravity, to be given respect, and he really does have that now.

           As Luz sums it up, in THE final scene and line of the episode;

           “Whatever we discover, we’ll be there for King, no matter what.”

[princess-of-the-corner]

https://youtu.be/jjPq-r91oB4

That's actually kinda sweet.

Also the punchline with Spartacus hit me like a truck.

[transsonicfan2006]

I was super invested in the story and then the punchline hit me like a truck.

Once upon a time there were seven dwarves.

They were the dwarves’ dwarves, the grey-bearded masters of their trades. They were the craftsmen of such crafts you never see today, and they had come together to make a machine.

An autonomous, mechanical miner, they said. A machine that will never fear falling stones or firedamp. It’ll revolutionize the industry, they said, change the face of history.

Plans were drafted, gold was soldered, and in the heart of the mountain they bent metal around their dream.

It was a masterpiece. Iron black as ebony, mithril grey and glittering as a winter morning. In its head, gold circuitry clung to crystals as blue as the belly of icebergs. It was a thing of beauty.

It was also alive; worse, it was kind, and gentle, and unfortunately easy to love. And one day as it babbled through its language processor, it said, “Dad!” and seven heads perked up in a moment of mutually embarrassing recognition.

From that moment on, the seven agreed to raise the machine as their own child. And the seasons passed happily around the mountain until one bitter summer.

It was never known where the apple had come from. A jealous craftsman, possibly, or a seriously waylaid sorceress. But one day the dwarves came home to find it locked in the steel grip of the sleeping mechanical girl.

Cunning and clever as they were, not one among them knew how to wake her. Wizards and warlocks were sent for, and each walked away pulling their beards in frustration.

But at the last – truly last – there was a young magician, who knelt and whispered in the ear of the mechanical girl.

The cavern held its breath. Even the stones were listening. Then gears began to spin. Gold circuitry crackled. And all at once she woke. The dwarves fell amongst themselves, sobbing happy tears into their beards and holding their mechanical child.

And from the clowder, one asked the young magician how they had done it, where wizards and warlocks and the great craftsmen of the dwarves had failed.

“All you had to do was uninstall apple,” they said.

[please-buckme]

A Broken Heart.

Lee Bodecker x fem!reader

Chapter 2

Chapter warnings: 18+ mentions of death, mentions of sex, cursing, Lee being an ass, angst, meninist behaviors

Chapter summary: You move back home after three years to find your heart still in shambles.

Masterlist

Series Masterlist

Chapter 1 // Chapter 3

3 Years Later

After moving a whole county away, Highland Ohio to be exact, you stayed for quite some time. Your aunt was amazing and the sweetest woman you’d ever known, and living with her was a breeze. She’d even gotten you a job at the auto shop her recently deceased husband left to her, which you loved. Life was good, for a while. You never had a reason to come home until your momma got sick.

For the past year you watched as your momma slowly faded away until the last week of April when she finally passed in her sleep. You were devastated, of course, but not only because of her death. She didn’t have much to her name besides a couple thousand in the bank and the house you’d left so long ago, which she left all to you.

The house was old. White paneling a faint tint of brown, grey shutters that were almost all off their hinges and rust anywhere you looked. It was a fixer upper and there’s no way you could sell it in its current condition. So, you decided to move back to Knockemstiff, just for the time being.

In all honesty, you’d grown to hate that town. Nothing but bad memories and any good memories you’d had were tarnished completely. So, once the house was decent enough to sell, you were out of there and back to the life you’d created in Highland.

Your aunt and you drove together in her pick up truck back to the house after your momma passed. She helped you unload your stuff and take things to the necessary rooms.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to stay? I can make my famous pancakes. I know you love’em.” She grinned.

“As tempting as that sounds, I’m fine. Please, I insist you go now before it gets dark.” You pull your aunt into a hug, a tight hug.

“I’m gonna miss havin’ you around, kiddo.” She sighed, her breath fanning over your neck.

“It’s only for a few months. I’ll be back to annoying you in no time, oldie.”

“Hey, I’m not old.” She laughed and pointed her finger at you sternly but still in a lighthearted way.

“And I’m not a kid.”

She laughed a little more then sighed, “Well, I guess I’ll head out. Call me if you need anything and don’t forget to go down to Billy’s tomorrow. He’s excited to bring you in.”

You smiled, “How could I forget? I need some sort of income to fix this craphole up.”

You walked your aunt to her car and waved her goodbye as she drove way. Your eyes welled up but you made sure not to cry in front of her or she’d never leave.

Once you went back in, you immediately got to work. Starting in the kitchen, you didn’t have much but a few coffee cups. The house was still occupied with your momma’s things and you were already dreading having to go through it all.

Things started to come together room by room as you worked most of the day away. You cleaned and rearranged things to your liking now that it was your house. It felt almost empowering to do what you want. You’d never lived alone so, in a way, this was an adventure as well.

You took your old room instead of the master, since that’s where your momma passed. It gave you goosebumps just thinking about and you knew you’d never get any sleep if you stayed in there. Your room wasn’t big but it was good enough for now and much better than sleeping in your momma’s death bed, hard pass.

You’d taken a seat on the couch with some tea you’d brewed up earlier that morning. This was the first time you sat down since arriving, and of course there’s a knock at the door.

“Whatever you’re selling, I promise you, I ain’t interested.” You shout, too exhausted to even attempt getting up.

The knocking continued, “Oh, for fucks sake.” You groaned under your breath and stood on your aching feet to tell them to fuck off in person. You opened the door, “did you not hear me the first time. I said-“

“Hi, Y/n” Lee greeted as he removed his hat.

You scoffed, “Can I help you with somethin’, Sheriff?”

Lee stood there, fiddling with the bill of his hat. His belly had gotten a little bigger and his cheeks had gotten a little chubbier, but you couldn’t help the hitch in your throat when his wedding ring caught your eye. Just a basic silver band, nothing special. But it still left a hollow pit in your stomach.

“I-“ he cleared his suddenly dry throat. “I heard you was back in town. Thought I’d come see for ma self if the rumors were true.”

“Welp, here I am. You can go now.”

“Y/n, I-“

“No, Lee, please. I’ve had a long day and I honestly don’t feel like talking to you right now. No, I take that back. I don’t feel like talking to you at all.”

“That’s a bit harsh, don’t you think, doll.” He grins.

“Goodbye, Sheriff.” You shut the door only to hear him holler at you from the other side.

“Still can’t say my name, huh, Doll? Boy, I really did a number on you, didn’t I?” Your heart sank at his words. It seemed your pain was a joke to him this whole time. You’d always pictured him crying alone like you were but clearly that was never the case. Y’all’s relationship didn’t seem one sided until you were the only one hurt by the fall out.

“Welcome home, Y/n.” He said before you heard his boots click against the porch as he left.

You took a deep breath as you backed away from the door. Tears rimmed your eyes and you scoffed aloud to yourself. After three years you still weren’t over him and you knew that. You didn’t know, however, that he’d still have such a hold on you. And by the way he reacted to how sensitive you were towards the situation still didn’t help the ever growing void that ran through your entire loveless body. The only man you ever loved looked at you as if you were a quick fuck and a punchline.

A tear burned against your cheek and you were quick to wipe it away. You swore to yourself that you’d never cry over that man again and you won’t, instead you decided it was time for a much needed bath.

The bath was scolding hot, just how you liked it, and you opened up a bottle of wine as a sort of reward for the work you’d done today. Once the water got cold and the wine ran out, you brushed your hand and teeth and went to bed.

//

The sun beamed down against your skin as you walked to the local auto shop where your aunt had set you up with another job. You were always good with numbers and they desperately needed someone on the books. Your job would be to look at their spending over the last few months and figure out some sort of budget. You did that for your aunt at her shop, so this didn’t worry you at all.

“Hi, you must be Billy.” You greet the owner, “I’m

y/n, Peggy’s niece.”

“Oh, yes. I’m glad you finally made it down.” He beamed, shaking your hand, “How long will you be here for?”

“I’m not sure, actually. Just until I get my house fixed up enough to sell.” You say, retracting your hand from his sweaty one.

“Ah, well as luck would have it, our secretary just quit on us last week, so there’s a position you’ll adjust to right fine.”

You scoffed, “Wait a minute. Did you say secretary?”

“Yeah. You need to get your hearing checked, Honey?” He grinned. What is it with the men in this town?!

“No, I heard you just fine. My problem is that I was supposed to be your Budget Holder, not a damn secretary.” Your face was turning a touch of pink as you became increasingly annoyed.

“That’s a man's job, sweetie. We don’t you blown a fuse tryin’ ta add up all them numbers, now do we?”

“You can’t be serious.” You say flatly.

“Look, it’s the only position we got. Take it or leave it.”

Everything in you wanted to March out of that shop and never go back again. A secretary's position is nothing to frown upon, but to only be offered it because you’re a woman was despicable. Sadly, you needed this job and it would only be for a few months. So, when you told him you’d take the job you swallowed every ounce of respect you had for yourself. Knockemstiff was truly the worst town in America.

“Sounds great. We’ll see you tomorrow for training. There’s no dress code but there are a few things you’ll need to know before starting. I’ll fill you in once we start your training tomorrow.” He shook your hand again, completely ignoring the furious grimace on your face.

“Great. See you tomorrow.” You mumbled, walking away so you didn’t ‘accidentally’ hit your new boss.

//

Before heading home you decided to stop and grab some things for the house. Being sick, your momma didn’t eat much besides soup, and there was an over abundance of vanilla flavored Ovaltine cans littering the kitchen counters, which you hated.

The second the doors opened, all eyes were on you. You even heard a faint gasp coming from the woman at the register. A smirk crept upon your face. These people's lives were so boring that they still aren’t over your breakup that happened so long ago. Rolling your eyes, you grabbed a cart and headed down the produce aisle.

Once you grabbed the vegetables you’d need for a stew, you headed towards the baking aisle. You need the ingredients for an upside down pineapple cake your momma used to make for you as a kid. Your aunt was coming into town on Saturday to lend a hand and celebrate her birthday. You told her to go have fun, but she insisted on spending her special day with you.

As you searched for the baking soda, you heard your name.

“Did you see Y/n’s back in town?” A lady with a high pitched voice whispered.

“I did. I just saw her. Poor thing. She’s probably still caught up on the sheriff. Prolly wish it was her that was on his arm instead of Laura-Jean.”

You rolled your eyes.

“I know it. Wouldn’t you, though? He’s so handsome.” The lady with the high patched voice giggled.

“Oh, hush! Don’t say things like that.” The other lady joined the high pitched one in whispered giggles. “Oh my goodness, here he comes.” She cleared her throat, “Afternoon, Sheriff.”

“Evenin’,Ladies. Y’all behavin’ yourselves?” You could hear the smirk in his voice.

They both giggled and in unison said, “Yes, Sheriff.”

“Oh give me a break.” You grimaced to yourself.

“Heard Y/n’s back in town.” The high pitched one spoke up. Your face burned. Why would they bring you up to him so bluntly like that? Everyone in this town was so unbelievably nosy.

“I- I heard. Actually just went to see her yesterday.” He said, clearing his throat.

“Uh-oh, the misses didn’t like that, I’m sure.” They giggled.

“Oh, no. She didn’t mind. I was just droppin’ by to give her my condolences about her momma dyin’. Then, she slammed the door in my face. I guess she’s still pretty upset with me.” He was pouting, trying to get some sort of sympathy. If you rolled your eyes any harder you thought they’d pop out of your head.

“Oh, you poor thing. Is there anything we can-“

Suddenly the baking soda slipped from your hand and scattered all other the floor in a puff of dust. “Shit, shit, shit.” You whispered to yourself.

“What was that?” One of the ladies asked.

“Excuse me, ladies.” Lee said. You could hear his boots clacking against the floor on there way over to you.

Shit.

You desperately wanted to run away but leaving this mess for someone to clean up wasn’t right, not even with the predicament you found yourself in. “Well, well, well,” Lee mocked as he rounded the corner. “Only here for less than a day and you’re already causin’ trouble.”

“Stay out of this, Bodecker.” You huff, trying to scoop the baking soda back into the card box it spilled from.

“Was you eavesdroppin’, girl?” He asked, kicking the soul of your shoe.

You scoffed, “Oh, please. I could give two shits what you say about me, Bodecker.”

He leaned in close, hovering over your left side. You heard him chuckle which startled you. He was so close. You could feel the familiar heat radiating from his body and smell that familiar cologne. His lips came down close to your ear. He licked them and then whispered, “If ya weren’t eavesdroppin’, how’d ya know I was talkin’ bout you, hm?”

Your eyes shuttered closed as he spoke, feeling his hot breath against your cheek. His deep southern drawl always made you weak. It took you back to those times in the back of the cruiser. He whispered such dirty praises in your ear when you would ride his cock. Those dirty words that could make you cum in seconds.

“You still with me, doll?” You felt him tuck a strand of your hair behind your ear.

You flitched and stood up, “I- don’t touch me and stop calling me doll, alright? I really don’t have time for your games today, sheriff, and I’m not even really sure what you’re playin’ at in the first place.”

He smirked, running a thumb across his lip, “Darlin, I think the only thing I ever played was you..”

“I-“ your breath hitched in the back of your throat, “I have to go.” You turned to walk away, leaving the mess you’d made and your cart behind. Your eyes welled up with tears again. You didn’t know the man that stood in front of you. Lee was nothing but good to you when you dated and now he’s the most hateful man you’d ever met. The man you loved had disappeared and there’s nothing you could do to bring him back, no matter how bad you wanted to. A tear stained your cheek as you sped through the aisle. You could hear Lee hollering for you to stop but you wouldn’t this time.

All the heartbreak and sorrow that you’d left behind was creeping its way back in. The sooner you sold the house and got the hell out of there, the better.

Dividers by: @firefly-in-darkness

Taglist: @haydens-moles , @c00lkidvibes , @tcc-gizmachine , @buckysm3talarm , @gogolucky13 , @cryptidcasanova , @heavenlyseb , @writersbuck , @teddy-bearbaby , @bbmommy0902 , @sweetllamaparadise , @thereblogcrusader , @aleemendoza2425-blog , @frostbytebaby , @jessyballet , @emotionallyandphysicallydone , @sarge-barnes-sir , @generalbagelcookieslime , @lady-loki-ren , @dime-piece-xo , @greeneyedblondie44

(Dm me to be added to taglist)

[str8aura-no-not-that-one]

so this needs work. i still dont think the vocals are at the same speed as the song. but a part of me knows i NEED to finish this and include this in the final album because. uh.

THE CREATOR OF THE FUCKING SONG MADE THE INSTRUMENTAL BRAND NEW AND HOT OUT THE OVEN FOR ME TO USE.

plus its such an obscure song i know the punchline will hit everyone who listens to it like a cement truck

Songs:

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun - Cyndi Lauper

Furries Ruin Everything - Greatfox

[bonny-kookoo]

Chivalry is dead (JJK x Reader) 💜(☁️)🔞

🖤 Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x Reader

🖤 Genre: CEO x Secretary AU, Fluff/Romance, Coworkers to lovers?, mild angst, Smut

🖤 Warnings: swearing, mentions of surgery, did I mention swearing, Kookster is whipped, it’s kinda cheesy, please someone get me a Jungkook like that, slow sex, gentle lovemaking, it’s nothing freaky this time, oral (f rec.) protected sex, sugary sweet live confession you might get diabetes

🖤 Summary: Jeon Jungkook was your boss. The roles were clear as day, so why did it seem so complicated?

You had no idea who in the hell actually invented coffee- like who thought roasting some weird beans and spilling hot water over that stuff was a good idea? Well, whoever it was, that person could go fuck themselves royally; because first of all, that stuff tasted bitter as hell, and second of all, it made your early morning shift an absolute nightmare.

Maybe it wasn't the coffee, but the person who loved them- Jeon Jungkook. Self-proclaimed savior of his Dad's company after taking over at the mere age of 22. Now, at 25, he was a well known face in his business, with famous magazines naming him 'one to watch out for' when talking about deals and sudden decisions. He's headstrong, smart, and unbelievably good looking too.

And also an asshole.

Thats at least what your flatmate Jenny usually says whenever he's the main course of your conversations. You'd told her time and time again that he was merely this rough with you because he was stressed- yet she simply stated that you were just an angel too good for this world- and especially too good for him.

"2 Minutes late." Came his rough voice as he didn't even look up to greet you, simply tapping on the surface of his crisp white table where he expected you to put his coffee. (Black and bitter as his soul, as Jenny always said.) He nodded, hand raising to dismiss you as always, until his eyes turned downwards, spotting your scaped up knee; half-hazardly covered by a bandaid that already came off at one side due to the rush you'd been in. Sure, you could apologize now, tell him how you were late because that freaking dogwalker let a leash of one of his huskies slip, which basically ran you over like a truck considering your rather short height, but you'd found out early on that Jeon Jungkook didn't care about your stories. Yet with his still lingering stare, you felt like he'd glued you to the ground by the soles of your shoes, without his dismissal you were forced to stay right where you were. He took a sip of his black beverage before setting the cup down with a sigh, getting up to walk towards a small bathroom connected to his office. Emerging out of the room again with a couple of items in his hand, he sat down on his chair behind his laptop, turning it towards you.

He had to lean down a bit as he took off the bandaid, not even saying sorry as you hissed at the sting. You did notice however how he took it off more gently after that, as he threw it into his bin, opening the plastic bag of desinfectant wipes, before his large hand held the back of your knee, almost delicately. He began to clean the scrape, brows furrowing a bit at the view of the raw skin, thinking about how you probably ran with that all the way to his office just to not be even later. He wanted to apologize, at least give you some form of verbal reassurance that it was okay to put your own health before his goddamn coffee, but the words got stuck inside his throat as he gently placed a new, more properly sized bandaid over the wound, sighing as some red seeped through immediately. "Get that checked after work today." He simply said before getting up to put all of the items away into their proper place as you were left with still tingling skin from his touch. He turned around, looking at you with an almost bored, but soft look. "What're you standing there for? You're dismissed." He said, and you practically ran out of the office.

"He wants to fuck you." Jenny simply said as she bit into her sandwich, while you were left almost spitting out your lunch. "What? That was electricity, I'm telling you! He so wants to screw you." She said, almost accusingly pointing a finger at you as she took a sip of her water, watching you.

"Stop. He only did that because he.." Oh well yeah, why did he do that? He could've simply told you to get it checked instead of taking care of it himself for that matter. But he was someone who wanted things done immediately- e rarely could wait for things to finish or to be done, so maybe he just wanted to have things more proper during your shift? Exactly. He just wanted to keep the image of his company intact- maybe even raise it by showing other employees that he cared for everyone deeply, even if he didn't. "He probably just wanted me not to look like I got scraped off the streets." You mumbled before taking a bite of your lunch, Jennies eyes rolling.

"Truth is;" She started, as she threw away her plastic waste before checking her watch, "That I still think he wants you bend over his desk." She finished, as you turned shades of pink, lowering your gaze at that. You always tried to keep those thoughts away from you, knowing how unprofessional it was. "Does he know you're leaving soon?" She asked, now a bit softer since she knew it was a touchy topic. You shook your head.

"I haven't put in my termination yet." You answered, your food suddenly looking stale. Jenny sighed, hugging your side.

"I'll buy some icecream on the way home, you're finishing later than I do I assume?" She asked, and you nodded again as a confirmation. "Alright. Let's binge on movies tonight, and have a nice weekend alright? Heads up." Came her reply as she left with a wave, to get back to her own desk in the company.

Jenny and you had met while you were waiting for your interview with Jeon to begin, and when you began to talk, you immediately hit off. You'd told her how much the driving back and forth from your old apartment to work would be, and eventually she'd decided to share her apartment with you close to the company. You were a bit hesitant at first, but eventually agreed; and it was one of your best decisions yet. The way to work was basically half an hour by foot- if it wasn't for your daily task of bringing your boss a coffee from this one specific shop downtown, almost an hour away by foot. It was okay however. Everyone had their preference.

At least you told yourself that to feel better about being Jeon Jungkooks personal slave.

"You're in love with her." Jimin stated, as Jungkook almost choked on his instant ramen.

"What the fuck dude, I don't." He exclaimed in a scandalized manner, long dark hair successfully hiding the red tips of his ears. He simply furrowed his brows, chopsticks now digging in his cup as if to search for treasure, just so he didn't have to look up and meet the eyes of his very nosy friends who were sitting in his living room.

"So you only want to fuck her." Yoongi grumbled as he hit after Jimin, who'd tried to steal a peace of meat from his plate.

"Exactly- Wait no!" The young company leader corrected himself immediately. No, this wasn't just pleasure he was seeking with you- but he also denied every single clue that he was into you, romantically. After all, he'd had his fair share of romantic involvements in the past; all pathetically killing themselves royally simply because there was never true love involved. It was either for benefit, for public image, or most of the time- for his money. It was never truly just about him.

Jungkook was simply a number, nothing more. In a way, his success was mostly just a curse for his soul; he was convinced by now that everyone just wanted something from him at this point, as pathetic as it sounded. He was always just the punchline of a joke, elderly woman seeing him as a piece of meat on a richly designed table ready to be consumed- just to be spit out as soon as he'd loose flavor. It was sad really, how much he hated trusting at this point.

"Look." Namjoon started, putting down his empty cup as he sniffled from the spicy meal he'd just consumed. "As far as I know, she'd from a regular background, right?" He asked, and Jungkook nodded, slurping some noodles without paying much attention. "How long has she been working for you at this point, two years? Three years?" The younger in question nodded at three, remembering the moment you'd stepped into his office for your interview, back then with a different haircut and color, and a bit more shy than you were now. You'd found friends in coworkers, when it came to gatherings and dinners you were always missing, however. He'd never seen you at any afterparty or bithday gathering for that matter as well. "She also didn't eye you up at all during these years, right?" He asked, and Jungkook got a bit more serious as that, because his friend was right. You surely looked interested in him, but you kept it charmingly subtle- it was more like a shy glance every now and then, never to linger uncomfortably. Just like a mouse showing itself to the cat every now and then to keep the chase going without any intention to.

"Oh, did you ever pay her for buying you a new suit by the way? The one she spilled her strawberry milk on?" Jimin asked with a laugh as Jungkook shook his head.

"She didn't want it." He said, and suddenly everyone got quiet.

"She what?" Yoongi asked. "Is she stupid?" He got out before Jungkook threw him a serious glance.

"Shut up." He said through gritted teeth, as Jimin laughed and the oldest in the round threw his hands up in mocking defense. "No but.. I offered several times, but she said it was her fault. She even got mad at me when I simply put the money on her paycheck- she practically demanded me to take it back." He explained, and Namjoon nodded.

"Probably because she'd feel bad." He answered. He knew you longest and most personally out of everyone in the current gathering; he'd been in the same class back in school for a few years. And you'd always been like that- you hated being paid back favours, because you didn't want to seem like you did them just to gain something afterwards. You kept people at a safe distance, never to have them cross that line, so you could always push them away without getting seriously hurt in the process. You'd also never been in a romantic relationship for long as far as he knew- only having had one scandal back in school, where the guy you'd lost your virginity to had publicly shamed you for being 'bad in bed'. It was a mess really, and Namjoon had felt bad back then, but there was no way you'd let anyone close to you afterwards. "Look." Namjoon started, looking at the youngest. "I'd say go for it. From what I know, she's a genuine person. I'm more concerned about her in this situation than you, if I'm being honest." He said, and Jungkook looked at him scandalized.

Yoongi chimed in. "You're known to fuck around. Don't just use her as a place to throw your half-assed cumshots into, that's what he wants to say." He replied, making Jimin scrunch up his nose in distaste.

Jungkook only continued to eat in silence. You maybe had the role of the mouse in this chase- but he was a tiger waiting to be taimed.

"What is this?" He asked, very unamused, and very much not pleased. It was understandable to a level- after three and a half years you'd just handed in your termination. What you did not understand however, was the amount of emotion you could spot swimming behind his eyes- he looked a bit like when he'd accidentally spilled tea over his workspace once, scared to death if that accident would mean the death of all his hard work of the day. You'd reassured him back then that everything had been saved on the main servers, so even if his laptop was to die, which it did not, everything would still be save. He could surely find a new secretary however- there was no use to make such a huge fuss over it.

"It's my termination sir. I'll be leaving at the end of this month." You answered, a bit unsure now on your spot in front of his desk, as he pushed the tip of his tongue against the inside of his cheek, a clear sign of irritation on his side.

"Thats in two weeks, Y/N." He stated, and you nodded. "As a reason you stated 'health issues'. Is there something I should be worried about?" He asked, and you swallowed, hard.

"Is it uhm.. do I need to answer-" You began, but he cut you off with a stern voice.

"You don't have to, but I'd have to decline the termination if I don't see the reasoning as fit to be taken seriously under such short notice." He began, putting down the papers as he suddenly looked at you more intensely. "We have clear rules here Y/N, I thought you knew them by now. Vacation requests three weeks prior, and terminations as well, except for important reasons." He said, and you looked down.

"I'll be having an operation that can't be pushed anymore soon sir, and I fear I won't be able to meet your standards afterwards. Which is why I'm terminating my contract." You stated, and you swore you could see a flash of concern in his gaze as he nodded.

"Is there anything I can help you with, in preparation for that?" He asked, now shifting his interest on his laptop screen again, typing something as you got confused.

"Pardon sir?" You asked, and he clicked a few times on his touchbad, seemingly searching for something before he turned his attention back onto you.

"Your severance pay will be quite high due to the quality and timespan you've worked here. I want to make sure however, that you're taken care of personally as well, if you'd let me." He said, in such a manner that you felt like he was actually growing a bit self-conscious.

"I uhm.. I will stay at the hospital for a while to recover, and afterwards I guess I'll be fine on my own. It's really fine sir, I don't uhm.. you don't need to do anything really." You said, before sending a smile his way, trying hard not to think of this chapter as finished. Your eyes already stung at the realization that you'd be leaving this comfortable environment soon. It may seemed childish for someone else, but you considered this place a second home- everything was familiar, every routine saved into the memory of your bones, it was your comfort to work here. "I uhm.. I really enjoyed working here." You finished, as Jungkook took a closer look at you.

He seemed to think about something, before he carefully stood up, slowly walking over towards you. For the first time he didn't look detached or as if he needed to do something; his gaze was soft and gentle, and it made it so much harder not to be a crybaby in this situation. You'd always thought that he merely saw you as a secretary, but this situation, as normal as it seemed, felt so intimate. "I'm glad." He simply said, slightly opening his arms to give you the option to take or not to take his invitation for a hug.

You would've been a fool not to. After all, Jungkook wasn't a physically affectionate person- he hated the act of merely shaking hands with a passion, he'd once told you.

"Will you tell me what exactly it is?" He asked, voice so much richer and deeper now that the side of your face was leaning against his chest, head growing dizzy from his presence. You could smell his faint cologne and a fabric softener similar to the one you used- again showing you that he preferred to wash his clothes himself rather than letting others do it for him. "You don't have to, but you have me worried." He simply said, now detaching himself from you hesitantly as he saw some coworkers outside the office staring. He didn't want to make you the talk of town now, only weeks before leaving. Rumors could be aggressive, after all.

"I uhm.." You started, sniffling a bit as you sat down in front of his workdesk. "I'll have a surgery on my knee, since I take a lot of medication for the pain now, and I kinda don't want that anymore so.." You explained to him, as his brows furrowed.

"Why didn't you say anything? I wouldn't have let you work so hard if I'd known you were in pain." He said, almost with a whine, which made you smile a bit in return. You waved him off, however.

"No no, it's fine really. I keep stuff like that to myself anyways." You admitted, and he thought for a moment, before he decided, no.

He wouldn't keep you working just so he could benefit from seeing you. That would be selfish- and he didn't want to be like that. Not with you, at least. He screwed up his chance, and that was okay; he'd had all the time to ask you out, to get closer with you, after all. Maybe it was simply karma. "Take those two weeks off. Don't worry, it won't affect your payment in any form- you'll need to take your vacation time anyways, or I'll get a slap on my hands for not letting you have freetime." He simply said, as you nodded. "Dismissed." He said, in his usual tone.

This time, it made you smile, as you nodded, stood up and walked towards the door. "Y/N." He said from his desk, not looking up. "I really enjoyed having you here." He mumbled, and you grinned, nodding, before leaving the office- and the building alltogether.

"Still can't believe you haven't hired anyone else yet." Jimin accused,as he drank his soju across from Jungkook, who'd simply shrugged. It's been two months by now, and he still refused to let any secretary work as closely with him as you did before. He rather got up a bit earlier and got his morning coffee himself instead of telling anyone to do so; it was as if that was reserved to you. It wasn't the act of having you bring him his coffee like a personal assistand; it was more the fact that he got to see you first thing in the morning. In a weird way, he didn't want to see anyone so early apart form you- he was simply too grumpy for that. "What about Hannah?" He asked, and Jungkook shook his head. Hannah was a promising candidate for the role of a future girlfriend- he really liked her. But there was no romantic spark between the two, and when she'd looked at him almost as if he'd ate her dog when he'd told the waiter to split the bill of their shared dinner, he knew that it wouldn't work out. She'd been so sure that he would simply pay for everything that he had to pay the entire thing- because she didn't even carry her purse with her. "Another piranha, I see."

Namjoon came into the room, several take out boxes in hand. "What're you talking about?" He asked, and Jimin chuckled.

"Jungkookies nonexistent sex-life." He said, before getting hit with a spoon from the younger one.

"Oh, interesting actually-" He began, putting down the food before sitting down himself. "Just saw Y/N-" He started, but Jungkook, almost chomically, cut him off.

"Did she look okay? Was she alright?" He asked, and Namjoon laughed for a second before taking some chopsticks for himself, breaking them apart and making Jimin laugh when they broke the wrong way.

"She seemed okay. Walked without help, but seemed a bit wobbly still." He explained, and Jungkook nodded. "My dad said she's gonna be alright, but it's gonna take a while since she waited so long to get it done-" Suddenly, Jungkook coughed.

"Your DAD did the surgery on her?!" He yelled out, making his dog bark as if alerted, as Namjoon became wide-eyed.

"Yeah, I mean, didn't I tell you.?" He began, but Jungkook shook his head, still heavily irritated.

"No, you did not!" He began, before letting himself fall into the couch defeatedly, whining. "I could've sent her flowers or some other shit, now I fucked it up!" He exclaimed to no one in particular, his dog jumping onto his lap.

"And they say chivalry is dead." Jimin said, playfully wiggling his eyebrows as Namjoon shot him a look to shut him up.

"You can still do that though?" He asked, and Jungkook furrowed his brows.

"No, that's just.. weird. Like, imagine getting flowers from your boss MONTHS after you quit." He said, before huffing like a child. "I screwed it up, its fine." He mumbled, before Namjoon continued.

"I mean, she asked about you though.." He hummed, taking a bite of his food.

"She did what?!" Both Jimin and Jungkook asked in disbelief.

"She asked about you. How you were doing, you know, that stuff." He explained, before continuing. "Told her you fuck around, she left after that." He said, shrugging his shoulders as Jungkook yelled furiously.

"You did what?! Namjoon, what the fuck-" He started, almost tearing up before the elder one laughed. "Not funny." Jungkook commented, clearly unamused by the humor in Namjoons face.

"Sorry." He said, putting down his chopsticks. "No, but for real, she actually told me to tell you she didn't change her number or anything so.."

Jungkook looked at him quesitoningly. "So?" He asked, and Jimin groaned.

"What the fuck, is she supposed to lay on your doorstep with her legs spread out while telling you 'Oh hey come inside and make yourself at home' for you to get the message?" A grumpy Yoongi groaned out as he walked into the living room, greeting the dog. "She basically told Namjoon to tell you she wants to sit on your dick." He said, stealing a dumpling from Jimin as he took off his jacket.

"She did not-" Namjoon started, before turning to the youngest again. "But she basically did say you should message her."

"To make up a date to fuck each other!" Yoongi yelled from the kitchen. Jungkook groaned.

"I mean I do have her number.." He mumbled, and suddenly a hand was on his shoulder as the eldest came back, a glass of water in his hands.

"Then go get pussy." He said, and everyone laughed.

Everyone but the young man in question.

"You uh.. sorry its nothing special but you said you wanted something not fancy so.." He said, as he pulled out the chair as you sat down.

"No no, its fine. I like this." You answered, now a bit shy with him sitting in front of you- all casual and not at all in the regular environment you both met in. He wore a simple black button up, ripped jeans- clothes that were so.. regular, yet he made them look so expensive. Maybe it was how his body was proportioned, with long legs and a broad chest, or maybe it was simply the way he carried himself.

"You look really nice." He casually complimented, as you blushed a bit, unfamiliar with such compliments as he smiled at your reaction, licking his lips almost impishly.

He would've been a bit more shy if it wasn't for the several conversations over the phone you both have had in the past couple of days; your answers and innuendos making it clear that you were genuinely interested in him, on a higher level than just 'hit and run'. No, you'd asked about his dog when he'd sent you a picture of him, you'd wanted to know about his family, or what he did in his freetime- you both even played several rounds of overwatch together when you'd revealed to him that you play the game as well.

It made him feel confident.

Another reason he was so adamant on making sure his impression on you was the best was that you'd openly talked about your, admittedly shitty ex partners, giving him even more reason to treat you the best he could think of.

You felt a bit weird.

Not a bad weird, but a.. tingling weird. This kind of weird where you don't know where to put your hands because wherever you began to rest them your mind thought about if it looked weird. It made you feel like a kid waiting to finally be let loose on a playground. You felt so comfortable with him, that it was important for you to make a good impression on him. So when the waitress came back after you both ate a bite, you began to search for your wallet, as he smiled at you, his larger hand covering yours in a manner that told you he'd pay. "All on me." He simply said, as he payed, making you pout a bit.

Walking outside, he made sure that you were comfortable with him walking you home before walking side by side with you, never too close to not pressure you. After a moment, you began to speak. "I could've payed, you know-" You started, but he cut you off with a question.

"Why won't you call me by my name?" He asked, and you began to chew on your lip. There was no specific reason you could think of that would make sense to him. It just felt like you'd let him in if you were to say his name out loud. It was a taboo thing to call your superior by his first name, but that had been the past. Now it would mean that you were considering him your friend. Or maybe even.. more. "Do I make you uncomfortable?" He asked, and you shook your head immediately.

"No, its just.." You started, trying to think of something.

"Don't make something up now just for me. I promise I won't be offended; just be honest." He said, and you nodded.

"I'm not someone who, you know, lets people get close to me, normally." You explained, before you continued after he'd nodded, telling you wordlessly that he was following your words. "It just seems.. so intimate, if that makes sense?" Against what you'd expected however, he simply continued his gentle smile.

"That's okay. You don't have to love me right away." He offered, looking down at you with a smile. "Say it when you feel like it. We'll do whatever is comfortable with you." He offered, and you smiled.

"So you both did not, in fact, fuck each other." Jenny said, as she ate another spoonful of icecream.

"No, we did not." You said, and smiled a bit at the memory. Jenny had just gotten back from her business trip; a week full of torture as she'd called it. "We simply talked and he brought me home every day." You explained, and your friend fake-gagged playfully at that.

"Oh god, someone get me a grater for all that cheese!" She laughed, as she suddenly smiled a bit more seriously. "No but really, I'm happy. He seems nice." She said, and you nodded.

"He does."

"Do you treat everyone like me?" You'd asked one night as you shared takeout with Jungkook in his living room, having agreed to meet up at his place.

He shook his head. "Not to that extend, no. But I learned from my dad was common chivalry is- it's not that deep to be honest." He explained, as he continued eating. He looked so young like this; merely wearing a sweater and sweatpants combo, hair a bit unruled and piercings on full display. With all that business on his shoulders, one could easily forget that he was just a young man, even if he did turn 26 recently.

"Its not common, though." You commented, and he shrugged his shoulders, leaning back against the couch as he finished his meal.

"Do you want to take my bed or the couch?" He asked after a moment, after you'd finished your meal as well. You shrugged. "Then we'll sleep together." He playfully said, but got a bit shy after you'd simply nodded, not having noticed that he didn't truly mean his statement. No taking it back now though.

"Are you tired?" You asked, wondering if that was why he'd brought up the question. Jungkook was an honest guy, so he affirmed.

"A bit, honestly. Sorry." He said, but you shook your head, already picking up the empty containers and plastic bags to throw them away.

"It's fine." You simply said, as he nodded, his gaze following you for a moment before he opened the door to his backyard, ushering his dog to go out to finish his business before bedtime.

You knew you should feel at least a bit nervous, after all you'd be sharing a bed with him. But for some reason you weren't- even if something was to happen, you felt comfortable with him- enough to trust you at your most vulnerable state. At this point he'd already sneaked his way around your made up walls, way too close now to be let go off without pulling on your skin painfully at the same time. Hurting him would hurt you now- so you had simply accepted the fact that he was going to stay at your side for as long as he saw fit.

"Alright, bedtime mister." He said, leading the dog to its bed by the front door- a place his pet had chosen willingly, he once told you. "Goodnight." He mumbled, gently petting his companions head before he made his way inside his bedroom, where you followed. He closed the door quietly, turning on a small lamp on his bedside desk, before opening a window. "I like to sleep with the window open, hope you don't mind." He said, as you shook your head. You simply got into the bed after him, your way of trying to find out which side he preferred as you slipped under the covers, the smell of his by now familiar fabric softener, and distinctively his smell flooding your senses. His mattress was soft, way softer than yours at home- but it was probably worth several months worth of rent as well.

"I uh.." he suddenly said, low voice cutting through the silence after he'd turned off the lights, darkness swallowing the room fully. "I have a habit of, uhm.. undressing myself during the night so. Just to warn you." He said, before groaning a bit. "Oh god that came of kind of creepy, sorry-" But you simply laughed.

"It's okay. I hug things when I sleep, so I'll probably latch onto you during the night." You admitted, and he chuckled.

"Oh I don't mind that at all." He hummed, as you felt him turn over, probably to face you as your suspicions were confirmed when a finger almost shyly brushed over your bare arm. He was silently testing the waters, trying to find out if you were comfortable enough with him to let him go that far. To his surprise you reacted by scooting closer towards him, until your nose was close to his. He couldn't quite see you, only able to make out rough outlines as the moon wasn't shining at all outside his apartment. "Is that okay?" He asked, in a whisper, careful as if he didn't want to scare you away. He felt you nod as his hand went to lay down on your cheek, thumb finding your lower lip as he guided his onto yours, slow, as if he was only testing the waters yet.

Always so considerate.

You slowly deepened the kiss, a bit hesitant since it has been a while you'd ever kissed someone; but he took the lead after noticing you accepting his gesture, his tongue gently asking for entrance as you granted his wish, making him close his eyes as he lazily continued kissing you, his desire taking over.

Everything was slow, comfortable, and warm- the way he slowly moved to lean over you, the way his hands roamed over your body underneath your clothes. It was as if you both knew eachother already, as if you didn't need to hurry anything at all. And it was true.

He slowly undressed himself, before directing his attention towards you, helping you out of your clothes as well, careful to leave the covers over his body, as if to shield you from the chilly air coming inside from the opened window. He truly enjoyed every second, every inch of skin he laid bare of you, as his head dipped downwards, placing open mouthed kisses against your neck and collarbone as his hand gently ran over your chest, squeezing the soft flesh or a moment before his thumb grazed over the hardened nipple, making you squirm underneath him. You felt torn between a feeling of being worshipped almost, and the frustration of him going so slow. Every past sexual encounter had always been straight to the point- this was entirely new territory.

"We got time darling." He hummed suddenly amused as you began to squirm more underneath his touch. You felt his hard on against your inner thigh clear as day, yet he seemed to absolutely not notice it; his attention more so on you, as he suddenly moved underneath the covers, shaking his head a bit to get his long hair out of his eyes, piercings jingling brightly at his sudden movement before he dipped downwards, making you gasp as you felt his tongue on your center. He chuckled again as his hands held down your lower belly, keeping your hips down and legs open for him as he sucked and swallowed, making you whine at the feeling. This was the first time someone had ever gone down on you, and it made you feel absolutely incredible.

Jungkook moved again as you became close to your orgasm, hands fumbling around for a moment until he found in his drawer what he'd searched for; the crinkling sound of the foil package filling the room as you still breathed heavily. He rolled the condom over his length before he moved over you again, cooing at the cold feel of your damp skin, sweat making your body cool down rapidly. "Are you cold?" He asked, and you nodded, but held out your arms, desperate to have him close to you again. "Let me warm you up." He hummed lowly, pulling the covers over his back again before he led his cock into your core with the help of his hand, groaning at the feel of your warm walls welcoming him inside. He moved after a moment, kissing you again as if he needed to confirm that this was truly happening. "You feel like home darling." He whispered out of breath as he slowly moved a bit faster, your hands searching for his as he helped you find them, fingers intertwining as he felt his soul grow fond. He loved you, he truly did, and in that moment he realized it to the full extend. It was the same for you as he kissed your neck, hot breath against your skin making you feel protected and adored as he picked up his pace, thrusts becoming more erratic as he suddenly pushed himself inside you in one swift move, hand leaving yours to desperately move over your pearl, making your back arch off the mattress as you whined in pleasure, throwing him off the edge as well as he spilled inside the condom.

His forehead rested against your shoulder as he chuckled, slowly slipping out of you as you laughed along with him.

"I swear that was not my intention when I said we'd sleep together." He said, and you laughed a bit harder at that, kissing the side of his jaw affectionately as he kissed your neck. "I love you. I really do."

"That's okay." you said still a bit out of breath, and he wished you could've seen the bright smile he sported at your next words.

"I love you too, Jungkook."

[refinedbuffoonery]

Quarantine Moments (14)

Soooooo this started as me vibing to a Halsey song and then it turned into angst. Oops. Sorry. 

Also, in case you missed the announcement earlier this week, this is the last QM. I’ve had so much fun writing these, but it’s time to move on to new things. :)

*****

It’s a quiet night in the MacGyver household. 

Mac lays on the couch, practicing the ukulele. Bozer and Riley are in their respective rooms, doing their own thing. As much as he loves them, Mac has to admit it’s nice having some alone time. 

His fingers land on the wrong strings, and the resulting chord grates on his ears. 

Progress is coming slowly, to say the least. 

Riley shuffles into the kitchen and fills a glass of water for herself. Using her presence as an excuse to pause his increasingly frustrating playing, Mac studies Riley’s posture. Her shoulders cave inward, and she shifts her weight back and forth, from one leg to the other. When Riley turns around, Mac notices the heavy expression in her eyes. 

Something is wrong. 

They hold eye contact for a few seconds, saying nothing. It’s almost as if Riley is trying to convey her thoughts without actually speaking. 

Mac wishes he could understand her. Usually he can. But this look...he can’t pinpoint what it means. 

“C’mon,” Riley beckons. “Let’s go for a drive.” 

Mac frowns, checking the time. “Now? It’s almost ten.” 

“Let’s go,” she repeats. Crossing the distance to the couch, Riley lowers her voice. “Bozer needs some space. I accidentally walked in on him while he was on the phone.” The heavy look in her eyes suddenly makes sense. 

“His mom?” 

“Mac—” Riley lowers her gaze. “She’s...she’s not doing well.” 

“Fuck,” he curses under his breath, sitting up. Bozer’s mom is the closest thing Mac has to a mother. She certainly raised him like he was her own. 

Riley squeezes his shoulder reassuringly. “I’ll drive. Does your truck have gas? Mine’s almost out.” 

Still thinking about Bozer’s mom, Mac almost doesn’t hear her. “Yeah,” he belatedly stutters. Closing his eyes and taking a few deep, steadying breaths, Mac pulls on a pair of sneakers and follows Riley out the door. 

It feels good to leave the house.

Riley winds her way through the city streets, turning periodically but generally heading west. Mac’s beach playlist plays softly through the speakers. The roads are empty, which still shocks Mac even after two months of lockdown. Even late at night, there’s usually people on the road. The eerie stillness of his city is unnerving. It’s usually pulsing with life, not...whatever this is. 

A ghost-town, perhaps. Haunted by the memory of the diverse, vibrant beings that once inhabited it. 

“Did you hear anything else?” he asks, referring to Bozer’s phone call. 

Regret flashes in Riley’s eyes. “No. I left as soon as I realized who he was talking to.” 

After a few more turns, they’re in a part of town Mac isn’t familiar with, and he can’t stop himself from asking, “Where are you taking me?” He knows the difference between Riley aimlessly driving and when she has a destination in mind, and this is definitely the latter. 

“My spot.” 

.

They end up at the beach. 

Riley rolls down her window partway, and the smell of saltwater and seaweed wafts in on the gentle breeze. The lights of a ship glimmer in the distance; it’s big, maybe a cargo ship or an aircraft carrier. 

There’s something soothing about being near the ocean, Mac thinks, like all his troubles will be washed out to sea with the receding tide. 

There’s a lot he’d like to wash away.

Mac exhales with each wave's retreat, letting his thoughts and emotions go with it, one by one. After a few minutes, Mac feels lighter than he has in days. "Thanks for getting me out of the house," he says. "I know it wasn't your intention, but I needed this."

"You're welcome." Riley glances at him and looks away, biting her lip. Something flickers in her eyes, just for a second, but it’s gone before Mac can figure out what it is. 

“So, I heard a good joke today,” Mac says. 

“Oh really? Where’d you hear it?” 

“On my run. The teenage boys on the corner were practicing their stand-up comedy routine in the front yard again.” 

Riley smiles. “Let’s hear it.” 

Mac takes a deep breath, mentally preparing himself so he doesn’t start laughing before he lands the punchline. “What did the fish say when it hit the wall?” 

Riley makes a show of thinking for a second. “I don’t know. What?” 

“Dam.” 

Riley tips her head back and laughs, the sound loud and full of life. Tendrils of warmth curl in Mac’s insides, taking up residence in the shadowed corners of his soul. He’s been thinking about that joke all day, waiting for the right moment to tell her. 

Because Riley is the first person he wanted to tell, not Bozer or Desi or anyone else. 

Just Riley. 

She’s still laughing as her gaze catches his, and her raw, unguarded expression sends a chill down Mac’s spine. 

Sometimes Mac lets himself think about what it could be like if that wall between them wasn’t there. 

She’d consume him, in every way possible. And he’d gladly let her. 

But that wall is there. It’s been there since the day they met, and Mac respects her too much to poke holes in it. Maybe it’s a good thing. With the wall there to block sparks and fireworks, they developed a quiet rhythm of love and care, and Mac wouldn’t trade that for the world. 

If he let himself love her, really love her, there would be no going back from that, no returning to the way things are now. Either they’d be it for each other—be the one—or they’d wreck each other too thoroughly to ever be just friends again. So even if the wall came down, in a future where Desi is out of the picture, Mac would think twice before crossing that line with Riley. 

And he knows she would too. 

But that wall is there, Mac reminds himself again, and he and Desi are trying to make their relationship work. And as for Riley...

Riley will always be the “what if” he never got the chance to answer. 

Mac can live with that. He doesn’t have a choice, really. 

*****

Riley didn’t think about where was going. She just let her hands and feet take her where she needed to go, and it’s only in the comfortable quiet after Mac tells his stupid joke that Riley realizes what she’s done. 

“I’ve never taken anyone here before,” she confesses suddenly. Riley found this lesser-known beach access point in high school, not long after getting her driver’s license. Her spot has always been a quiet place she could escape to when she needed to avoid the real world for a while. It has always been there for her—when Riley was mad or sad or frustrated, or when she just needed some alone time to think. 

Mac snaps his head up in surprise. “Really?” 

“Yeah.” Riley looks away. She wants to tell him, but she can’t bring herself to do it while he’s looking at her like that. “Though, I almost took Aubrey here once.” 

“What stopped you?” 

“I chickened-out at the last minute. I thought I was ready to share it with him, but there was this little voice in my head telling me to keep this place to myself. So I kept driving. I parked in the lot a couple miles south and said that was my spot.” Riley avoids thinking about what it might mean that she didn’t think twice about bringing Mac.

There’s a long pause, and then Mac says, “Thank you for sharing this with me. You didn’t have to. And for the record, even if you had told me about your spot, I never would’ve asked you to bring me here if you didn’t want to.” 

It takes a couple tries to swallow the lump in her throat. “I think Aubrey knew I was lying,” Riley deflects. “So I made out with him long enough for him to forget, and he never brought it up later.” She picks at her nails. The dark gray polish is chipping; she’ll have to repaint them soon. “That was the only thing I ever lied to him about. Besides work stuff, of course. And we know how that turned out.” 

The stench of seaweed and decay fills her nostrils. Riley focuses on it—anything to distract her from the scent of Mac’s laundry detergent. It’s plagued her ever since moving in with him after breaking up with Aubrey. The scent she’s long associated with safety and her friend—and now the person she has unrequited feelings for—follows her everywhere, since her clothes smell like it too. Most days Riley can ignore it, but sometimes....sometimes it feels like torture. 

And right now, at her special spot, in his truck, wearing clothes that smell like him, it all feels like a mockery of what Riley wants and can never have. 

Once, just this once, she lets herself imagine it anyway. 

They’re on another drive, just like this one. It starts with stolen glances, then she switches to driving with one hand so the other can rest innocently on the center console, and soon enough, Mac’s fingers slip between hers. 

Then they’re parked at Riley’s spot, and his lips are on her neck, trailing light kisses across her throat. They get a little carried away, marking skin and untucking shirts, and a murmured Let’s get out of here has Riley speeding home so they can continue this in private. 

Riley shivers. Taking a deep breath, she tucks the fantasy into the far corner of her mind for safe keeping. Riley knows she should just let it go. There’s only so long she can sit in the silence, waiting for a sign and wondering if kissing him would really ruin everything they already have. 

Riley finally dares to glance at Mac again. He’s already looking at her, still wearing that soft expression from before. It’s enough to make her wonder, what if? 

What if he’s everything she ever wanted? 

But what if she loses everything instead? 

[joaquinwhorres]

Best of Friends (Ch. 1) {Bucky x Reader}

SUMMARY ››››› When your best friend steals marries Bucky's best friend, the two of you are left with only one solution: to become best friends yourselves.

PAIRING ››››› Bucky Barnes x Reader

WORD COUNT ››››› 3,916

WARNINGS ››››› There is no abuse in this story, no drug use, no depression, and as the only warnings worth putting up throughout the series, will be based around major plot points and surprise, I’m just going to rate certain chapters on the movie scale. This is chapter PG. 

A/N ››››› So I love and adore this story so much. I originally wrote it as an OC story and you can find those versions of the chapters on AO3 or FFN​

The pounding on the door was seriously the last thing you needed right now. 

The first thing you needed was a drink.

Unfortunately there was no way on God's green earth you were going to successfully parallel park that UHAUL, and the idea of going to a liquor store within walking distance of your new place seemed about as safe as letting in the person on the other side of the door. Something told you it wasn't the UPS guy causing the door to rattle against the frame.

You sent up a silent prayer that whoever it was would just go away and leave you to the excellent pity party you had been throwing herself.

The banging grew louder. Which was about right for today.

Since dying probably couldn't make you feel any worse than you did right now, you strode across the apartment and wrenched open the door. In the next second, you were pushed back into the apartment as someone hurled themselves at you. 

"You're here!"

Thank goodness. Bernadette. 

Your shoulders dropped as you wrapped your arms tightly around your best friend, squeezing your eyes shut and willing yourself to relax into the wave of relief. "Hi," you mumbled.

"Took you long enough to open the door," Bernadette complained, but you could hear the smile in her voice as she rocked you from side to side.

"I thought you were a crazy person."

Bernadette let out a wild laugh right in your ear, and you flinched but refused to let go. 

"She is a crazy person," a male voice interrupted your moment, and you opened your eyes to find two hulking figures leaning against the wall behind Bernadette. The brunette smirked at you--or maybe Bernadette--as the blonde seemed preoccupied with scanning the hallway. 

"Fuck you, Bucky," Bernadette lifted her middle finger for him to see without releasing you from the hug. 

Bucky just laughed in response. "I suggested texting you that we were on your way, but she thought you'd enjoy the surprise." His eyes glimmered with amusement as your eyes rolled on their own accord. 

"And you did, right?" Bernadette asked, pulling back enough to look at you eagerly. 

"Maybe we should get out of the hallway," the blonde suggested, putting a stop to the bickering and saving you from having to pick sides.

"Yes!" Bernadette's attention shifted as she released you from the hug. "Let's see it!" 

Your stomach constricted. "It's pretty rough."

"Of course it is. You just got here like thirty minutes ago," she dismissed, pushing past you. You sighed, opening the door and letting the men enter. 

“Hi Y/N. Sorry we didn't text,” the blonde greeted, giving you a quick hug on his way in. 

“It's fine, Steve,” you patted his back before dropping back down onto your feet.

“Your Honor,” Bucky grinned, entering the apartment. 

“Your Bestness.” You smiled back, following him in and closing the door behind you to keep anyone else from seeing the depressing state of your new reality. 

The three quickly fanned out to survey your apartment.

"This is a .....nice place," Bernadette smiled too brightly as she circled a pile of boxes in the kitchen to flip on the tap water. You watched as it sputtered a few times before picking up into a yellow-ish stream. She quickly flipped it off, turning to face you and see if you had seen. Making eye contact, she shrugged. "That clears up." 

Bless her. She had to be the best friend to ever exist. Because if you were her, you totally would have hit her with an 'I told you so' by now.

Bernadette had warned you that an affordable single apartment was suspicious. That sometimes landlords blurred the neighborhood lines. That you may need to fix it up in order for it to even be considered a fixer-upper. Everything she warned you about was true.

You had thought you were going to Williamsburg. Instead you were in Bed-Stuy.

The picture on the listing must have been from like 10 years ago. Or maybe it was a neighbor's place. Or straight photoshopped. Because exposed brick was one thing but crumbling walls were another. 

Add to that the three locks on the door and the fact that you were eight hours away from pretty much everyone you knew and loved, and you were feeling super great about this life decision. 

"Does it?" you asked, making your way over to the living room area where about half of the floor seemed to have been ripped up. 

"Sure," Bernadette nodded, moving out of the kitchen. "And if it doesn't, that's what Brita is for." 

"You locked the truck, right?" Steve asked from where he stood by a window, staring out to the street below. 

"Stop, the neighborhood's not that bad," Bernadette waved at Steve. She made a show of rolling her eyes as she moved past you to open the door to your bedroom."You did lock the truck, right?" she paused to whisper in your ear. You hummed a yes and turned to follow her. 

The bedroom was less depressing than the rest of the apartment in the way Mount Everest was less dangerous than K2. It was still a fucking mountain.

"Interesting paint job," Bernadette remarked, staring at the wall which was half royal blue and half blood red. And not even artsy diagonal halves. No, of course not. Vertical halves. "I think I've seen something like this on Pinterest." 

You groaned. 

Bernadette tilted her head slightly, considering the room. "I think you probably have enough room to fit a twin and a dresser in here if you line them up against the wall." 

"It's terrible," you whined. "The whole place is a complete shithole."

Bernadette gave you a sad smile. "It's better than I thought it would be,"  she brushed past you, walking back  into the living room. 

"There's a random hole in the kitchen ceiling!" You flung an arm out gesturing vaguely towards the kitchen. 

"It could have been way worse. I was expecting it to be like a fourth of the size or for there to be a random dude you had to share it with. And anyway, Bucky's handy."

Your eyes flicked to Bucky, who was surveying the hole in the kitchen ceiling.

"You can't see into the apartment upstairs, so that's good," he commented and Steve snorted. Bernadette slipped off her shoe and chucked it at Bucky. He ducked, and it hit the wall of the kitchen, knocking loose part of the wall. 

Whatever. 

Bernadette winced. "Sorry," she apologized to you, meekly, shuffling across the apartment to retrieve the shoe from Bucky's outstretched hand. Taking the shoe, she whacked him in the arm with it. Bucky laughed again, making eye contact with you and shaking his head. You allowed a single exhale of amusement to escape you. But that was pretty much all the humor you had to spend on the situation.

"Do you have the keys to the truck?" Steve asked, and you nodded, patting your pockets before finding them and offering the small keychain to him.  "Alright, Buck," he nodded with his head towards the door, and Bucky moved around Bernadette, giving her a wide berth as he went to follow Steve. 

She started to follow when Steve stopped her.

"We got it. It's just the heavy stuff, right?" he asked you. 

You nodded. "Yeah, I got most of the boxes up before you came." 

"Are you saying we can't handle the heavy stuff? Did I secretly marry a misogynist?" Bernadette asked, putting her hands on her hips. 

Steve shook his head, smiling. "We need someone to watch the stuff up here since the door's going to be open." 

"Steve--" Bernadette started to protest again. You weren't sure if she was about to argue about her physical prowess or the apartment's safety, but regardless of the argument this eternal optimist wanted to make, you were fairly sure Steve was right.

"That'd be great, you can help me figure out where to put things as we unpack."

Bernie brightened at the prospect. "I'm glad you said that, because I already have some ideas." She turned back to face Bucky and Steve. 

"Bucky, make sure he doesn't overexert himself. I need him fully functional tonight." You hoped that everyone mixed the grimace that crossed your face. Steve blushed slightly, and leaned down to whisper something in Bernie's ear. A grin spread across her face, and you were very thankful Steve was not one of those people who couldn't whisper.

"Ah newlyweds," Bucky made eye contact with you again, and you couldn't read the look on his face. He seemed almost like he was waiting for you to get the punchline of a joke. Maybe if your brain was operating at all correctly, you would have gotten it. Instead, you snorted before turning to Bernadette.

"Kitchen should be easiest and least in the way, right?"

"As long as we get it done in time for Bucky to take a look at the ceiling. And the bit of wall he knocked off." 

You knew Bernadette well enough to see the red herring for what it was. You were not going to get distracted with holding her accountable for further destroying your shitty apartment.

"I'm not going to ask Bucky to fix my ceiling," you said, gathering the utensils out of the box and sticking them in a drawer by the stove. 

"It's not a big deal--" Bernie dismissed, crossing paths with you to take the utensils and stick them in one of the mason jars you'd already unpacked.

You shook your head, "It's weird to ask one of your friends to fix my ceiling--"

"He's your friend too," Bernadette argued, taking the napkins out of your hands and disappearing with them. 

"I've met him twice." 

Bernadette came back and rustled through the open boxes, the sound of glass clinking and metal shifting against each other in her wake."Yes, but the second time you spent four days practically attached to the hip with him." 

"Because he was the best man, and I was the maid of honor. It was our job to be attached at the hip and make sure everything went well."

"Was creating cute little nicknames part of the job as well?" Bernadette asked, pausing to pin you with a look.

"It's just an inside joke, and they're not that cute."

"Oh, they're pretty cute," Bernie smirked, bending back down to go through a box. "Where did you put your dish towels?" 

You stood up from your box, coming over to join her in looking through the box. "I mean he calls you Bernie."

"Everyone calls me Bernie now," Bernadette dismissed. "Besides he has two nicknames for you." 

"K is not a nickname. It's a taunt."

"You mean flirtatious teasing."

"I mean a jab at how I'm a shit texter."

Bernadette looked you dead in the eyes before shooting you what was probably supposed to be a sultry wink. " 'k." 

You threw the dish towels you'd just dislodged at her and she laughed, picking them back up from where they fell in the box, and moving over to the open drawer. "Setting aside the two nicknames and their quality, he volunteered to come help you. I don't think he'd mind taking a look." 

"Maybe," you conceded, knowing Bernadette wouldn't stop until she'd had some measure of success. It's what had to make her such a good law student. You had given in enough times on the promise of maybe that with a glint in her eye she dropped the subject.

It took Bucky and Steve a little over an hour to unload all of your things from the truck. It was another forty-five minutes of Bernadette reimagining the floor plan and forcing the four of you to continuously shuffle the furniture around before she was satisfied. When all was said and done, the apartment did look marginally better. At least some of the punched in outlets were hidden and the worst of the floor was covered.

"Well," Bernadette said, pushing a lock of hair behind her ear. "That's it. You're officially a New Yorker." 

"And you can officially stop sending me those sketchy Craigslit ads and Monster listings," you nodded, placing your hands on your hips and surveying the apartment. 

"Neither of you are New Yorkers," Bucky shook his head, navigating the words around a hair-tie as he fixed his bun. Bernadette turned to glare at him, and he laughed, slipping the hair-tie around the bundle of hair.

"You married in. Doesn't count."

"Excuse you, I’m fluent in Subway Announcement and I’ve had a rat steal some of my food. If that doesn’t make me a New Yorker then I don’t know what does,” Bernadette huffed.

"You're a New Yorker," Steve soothed, putting an arm around her, and kissing the top of her head. 

"Well," you sighed, hoping to stop another bantering fight from breaking out between Bucky and Bernadette. "I need pizza. And beer. And to get out of this apartment. Anyone else?"

"Oh," Bernadette's face fell as she glanced quickly up at Steve and then at you. "I wish we could, but Steve and I have reservations. I wasn't even thinking when we made them, and it's such a long wait list…" she trailed off, frowning sympathetically "I'm so sorry, babe."

"I'm free," Bucky offered. "And I actually know a decent place that's not too far from here. Since I'm a real New Yorker." The jab effectively stopped the sly grin that was growing on Bernadette's face.

"I--"

"What line did we take to get here?" Bucky asked, and Bernadette sulked. "It just slipped out."

"It's a tourist mistake," Bucky shook his head, tsking. "The green line." 

"Well," Bernadette hmphed, "Steve and I are going to take the G train back home to get ready for dinner." She moved over to you, placing a kiss on your cheek. "I will see you for lunch sometime soon because we can do that now that we live in the same city!" 

You smiled, and reached up to hug Steve as he bent down to say goodbye. 

"Bucky, please do not take my best friend to any godforsaken hole in the wall back alley pizza joint that's definitely just a front. I don't care how good their pizza is," Bernadette cut off his protest and he smiled, shaking his head. 

"You're missing out on all of the best food."

"Ok," Bernadette dismissed, her disbelief dripping from each syllable. She took Steve by the hand, and you and Bucky walked them to the door. "Love you both." And with that, Bernadette and Steve were gone, leaving you alone in your apartment with Bucky. 

He sighed, running a hand through the roots of his hair, despite the fact that it messed up his perfectly done man bun. 

"You don't have to get pizza with me," you said, flashing a quick smile at him. 

"Trying to get rid of me?" Bucky asked, looking down at you amused. 

You shook your head, turning away from him quickly to try to locate your purse amongst the boxes. "No, I just--didn't want you to just come along to be nice. Or because you felt bad that Bernadette ditched so I'm all alone."

"How could I feel bad when you put it like that?" 

"I didn't mean it like--" you started, stuttering and Bucky stopped you, coming up beside you with your purse hanging from his finger. 

"I know. Just rest assured that I'm happy to put up with you for pizza." 

You snatched the purse from him, slinging it across your body as Bucky laughed at you. "Ready?" 

You nodded and the two of you headed out the door.

For all of the inconveniences and tragedies that had befallen you today, the walk to the pizza place was not one of them. In fact, second to seeing Bernadette at your door, it was probably the best part of the entire day. The walk was short, and the September evening air was pleasantly warm. With Bucky and his MMA fighter build next to you, navigating through the neighborhood didn't wrack your nerves as much as it could have. Although, it might not have been Bucky's muscles as much as his easy conversation that provided the comfort. He told you about his job, where to find the best bodegas, and one embarrassing story of Steve growing up. By the time you arrived at Tony's Pizza Spot, you had almost forgotten about how awful your day was.

"Hey Tony," Bucky called out, entering the place, and the owner looked up from where he was cutting a pizza. He jerked his head up in a nod. It was a small wood paneled shop with no tables or counters to sit at. Instead, there was one large display case with different meats and breads. You looked up at the simple menu, and Bucky stood closely next to you despite the fact that you had a feeling he didn't need to look at the offerings.

"Pepperoni and sausage ok?" Bucky asked, and you nodded, scanning the drink refrigerators for any sight of beer. "And for your milkshake?"

You raised your eyebrows at him. "I'm getting a milkshake?"

"You are," he nodded. 

"Well," you looked up at the board. "Cherry vanilla." 

"Excellent choice," Bucky smiled, approaching the counter as Tony tied off the pizza box with twine and then approached. 

"What can I getcha?" he asked his eyes flicking between you and Bucky. 

Bucky placed the order quickly, and Tony nodded, quickly tallying it up on the register. You reached into your purse for your wallet, but Bucky waved you off. "I got this."

"Pretty sure it's customary for the person who just subjected you to two hours of moving stuff to pay for the pizza. "

"Nah," Bucky shook his head, already handing the cash over to Tony."Think of it as a housewarming gift." 

"Just moved to the neighborhood?" Tony asked, passing back Bucky his change, and you nodded. "Welcome." 

"She's right down the street," Bucky said, dumping the change into the tip jar and stuffing the bills back into his pocket. "Figured I'd show her the best pizza spot in town."

"Damn right," Tony grinned, moving away to grab out an already prepped cheese pizza.. "How's Clint doin'? Didn't see him last week."

Bucky shook his head. "Broke his wrist last week, so Kate's placed him under house arrest to make sure he doesn't make it worse like last time. I'm guessing one of them will be in soon." 

Tony had the same look of exasperation as Bucky as he ladeled sauce onto the pizza. "It's always something with him. Broken bones. Concussion. That boy's a walking accident."

You sorted through your memories trying to remember if you had met Clint at the wedding or either of the times you had been up to visit Bernadette at school. The name sounded familiar enough, but you couldn't picture the face. If Bernadette was here she could jog your memory. She'd remind you who Clint was give you a few facts about his life and a quick story so you felt like you knew him already. But she wasn't here. She was off being married, and you were in this tiny pizza shop with a boy you hardly knew who was doing his best to keep you company.

"You ok?" Bucky bumped shoulders with you. You hadn't realized their conversation ended and Tony had moved away to make the milkshakes.

"Yeah, I'm fine," you shook your head trying to clear your thoughts. 

Bucky shot you a very disbelieving look. "I can't tell if you're a bad liar or just too tired to try to be good at it."

Your shoulders dropped. Frankly, it was both. "It's nothing...it's stupid," you dismissed.

"Bummed you're stuck here with me instead of Bernie?" Bucky guessed. Very correctly. 

"No," you sighed.  "I just wish she was here too."

"Yeah, I get it," Bucky nodded, facing back forward to watch Tony making the milkshakes. 

You felt bad. After all, Bucky had volunteered to give up his Monday evening to helping you move in. He probably had a whole list of things he'd rather do after work than lug a bookshelf up your stairs, but he'd done it, hadn't complained, and then treated you to pizza. And here you were wishing he was Bernadette. 

"It was kind of rude of your best friend to steal my best friend," you commented with a half smile.

Bucky snorted. "Sorry, your honor, but your best friend stole my best friend."

"What?"

Bucky looked back down at you. "You weren't there. He was gone long before she was. Pretty much the second he met her  it was over for him."

"What, and you were there the second they met?" you sassed back, placing your hands on your hips. 

"Actually, yes," Bucky said, reaching forward to grab a milkshake Tony placed up on the counter. He peered into the top of the cup and passed it over to you. "Steve volunteered both of our services to move in Bernie's stuff."

"I didn't realize you were there," you said, accepting the dessert from Bucky.  "She only ever mentioned Steve."

"Maybe he did steal her away fairly instantly then." Bucky shrugged. "Anyway, you realize there's only one solution to our problem, right?"

You gave him a flat look. "I'm not going to kill them."

"Holy shit, no," Bucky laughed. "That's where you went first?" Your face heated up, and you quickly busied yourself with a sip of the milkshake which was very good. Better than alcohol good. "And?" Bucky asked. 

"It's delicious," you said, returning for another sip before looking back at him. "But what's the solution?"

"We'll be best friends."

"You want to be my best friend?" you asked, with a small smile.

"More like I want you to be my best friend," Bucky said. "Steve's been doing a shit job recently, and you moved all the way from North Carolina to be with Bernie--I like that kind of effort." 

You laughed, and Bucky grinned back, taking his milkshake from off the counter.

"Alright," you agreed, feeling a little bit lighter. "I'm not replacing Bernadette though. You'll just have to be the substitute for when she's not up to par."

"I can work with that," Bucky nodded. "And as my first act as your substitute best friend is to demand to throw you a housewarming party. Don't make plans for next Saturday."

The smile slid off of your face. "No, thank you.  I don't want anyone walking into my trap house apartment."

"Your apartment is not that bad."

"Bucky. It's terrible."

"Your Honor, Steve and I shared a glorified closet for our entire sophomore year of college. We couldn't both stand in our kitchen." Bucky leveled you a glance. "And our friends still came over to visit us."

You mulled it over, stirring your milkshake with the straw. It wasn't a terrible idea. It was bad,, uncomfortable, ill-thought out, and overall not good, but it wasn't terrible. You nodded. "Alright, Your Bestness. Saturday."

"Excellent," Bucky grinned, grabbing the box Tony slid across the counter. "We'll discuss details over pizza." 

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