#that physical and emotional pain combo gets me like a one two punch combo to the face

[whump-queen]

based off your art I posit that you have a Major Thing for sad anime boys

oh god

the meow meow effect

what can I say I’m a SIMP for a pretty boy whose soaking wet and suffering

my pretty anime meow meows… my little beloveds~~

i wanna put them all in a jar and shake it

[misselko]

Got this idea from Dimitri’s conversation with Byleth before Fort Merceus battle with the Death Knight. Put some angst, fluff, and a pinch of smut spices into the dish and let it simmer down! At least, that’s what I want! But it turned out... different ;) Sorry not sorry

This one took me some days to write. I hope you enjoy it! Please feel free to give me some advice and ideas for my next fic! Your warm comments will be cherished very much 💕 Thankies!!

 

RECKLESS

Genre: Angst, Fluff

Warnings: Mention of blood, violence, smut

Words: 3316

 

POST TIMESKIP

Empire will be the only remaining enemy and to move on to the Imperial Capital, Enbarr, capturing Fort Merceus is a must. Praised as the strongest defense with its fortified military installation  in the Empire, seizing it won’t be an easy feat.

Liberating Arianrhod, calming down Holy Kingdom of Faerghus political issues, winning over the Leicester Alliance and gained their support. Getting a lead on Lady Rhea’s location. Although things were a rough go, but thinking back on it now, Blue Lions sure has really come a long way. Things have been wonderful in these past moons that it almost feels like dream too good to be true.

You don’t know why but you can’t shake your uneasy feelings and dread. War is raging and everyone knows there is a big battle on the horizon.

“We must not falter in our assault. The Death Knight is the enemy commander in Fort Merceus. He’s an unpredictable opponent. A dangerous one. Please proceed with caution, (Y/N).”

“I will, Dimitri. No need to worry.”

“I have not come this far just to lose you here. I’m serious. Do not be reckless out there.”

“Will you save me if I’m in trouble?”

“Of course, (Y/N). You were the heart of the Blue Lions, and the same holds true for the Kingdom Army.”

You smiled at his concern and hold his hands gently.

“I will do my best as well to support you, my Dimitri.” His cheeks turned into rosy blush at your words.

 

“Whoaa!! You’re getting pretty chummy, aren’t you, Your Highness? Go get a room!” Sylvain winks and got punched HARD, dragged away by Ingrid. You make mental notes on giving her a delicious roasted meat from that famous new shop in the town later as your gratitude. Serves him right!! ...But you wouldn’t trade them for anything in this world. Everything will be alright with them. Blue Lions are your precious family. It will be fine. Everything will be fine.

---

Capturing Fort Merceus is a daunting task. Endless enemies are approaching and relentless. Felix and Sylvain are working together cut through the snipers and mages. Ingrid and Ashe are doing their best to handle the pegasi knights. Dedue, Annette, Mercedes, and Flayn makes great combo on cutting through enemy reinforcements while providing healing to everyone. Slowly but sure, you and Dimitri managed to push Death Knight on the corner. But it doesn’t make things less difficult for both of you.

 

“You dare stand between me and my pleasure?”

The beginning of it was barely a bellow that grew steadily to a deafening roar, piercing the air and shaking the ground. Areadbhar crack in deafening clash against Death Knight’s Scythe of Sariel. They raised their weapons, waving them overhead.

 

“Yes. I dare stand against you, Death Knight!!”

 

Dimitri decides to face Death Knight head on as you tried your best to keep his back safe from the Imperial soldiers assaults. Keeping a close eye on him... just in case, following from a few meters back, cover his blind spots that way, look out for any potential danger. You could see them coming around, carefully and quietly trying to find their way to Dimitri.

 

Landing sharp blows, you bring the blade down on the head of another mage. Slashing your way through numerous enemies, you start to feel fatigued. Countless enemies lying dead behind. You looked around, among the sea of red and black, a swordmaster is sneaking his way behind Dimitri, ready to ambush him.

 

But you wouldn’t let it happen!

 

You were fully offensive, rapidly swinging your sword down on the swordmaster. You were able to deflect, parry, and block most of his attacks until his foot swept across your ankles, knocking you hard to the floor. The swordmaster stood above you, ready to press his sword into your chest to end your life. Fatigue made it harder for you to evade his deadly stab completely. Sound of a weapon piercing through flesh filled your ears, followed by an intense pain in your side. He pulled it back out with a triumphant smirk on his face. Despite the searing pain, you made it in time to grab your own weapon and thrust it up to his neck, your arms shaking as you tried to counter the weight of his attack. Grimace crossing your face as he fell, blood painting the earth a sick shade of red.

 

You sat up, wincing at the searing, burning hot pain on your side. The stab wound was way too deep. Your hands trembled, desperately attempting to put pressure on the wound as heavy flow of your blood is trickling through your fingers, colors your skin and clothes. The world had turned blurry, and your body felt weak. Ignoring the excruciating pain, you rush forward to help Dimitri. He has won against the Death Knight. But in his brief reverie, the Tempest King failed to notice two opposing snipers are approaching him, expression intent to kill, aiming their arrows at his back.

 

You acted on instinct, rushing forward, sprinting to intervene. To protect him.

‘We have been through so much together and he’d been through hell and back... I want to ease his pain. Knowing he’s safe... I can be at peace.’

You thought to yourself, launching forward. You barely has energy to stand up, but you tried to muster your last remaining strength to dove in before Dimitri. The arrows managed to easily make it’s way through your armor, landing in your chest and abdomen. ‘I have no regret when it came to protecting Dimitri.’

 

Your body slammed hard on the ground, careening across the battlefield. A sharp cry pained noise escaped you; that was all it took. Dimitri stiffened at the sound. It pulled him from the high of the battlefield down to reality in an instant.

 

“(Y/N)!!!”

 

He turned; filled with horror and rage. The fires blazing around him didn’t give off any heat. The battlefield around him turned black and white. His ears were ringing as if he’d been caught in an explosion. Dimitri went after the snipers and thrust them both at their hearts. After a quick glance to make sure no more surprise attacks happen, he kneels and pulling you into his chest. You looked so small, felt so limp that it sickened him. Broken and battered with littered scars and large wound on your side. Arrows jutting out of your chest, much too close to the heart, and another one lodged deep in your abdomen.

 

Dimitri watched as the blood pooled around you. Blood... there is so much blood. Your blood.

“Goddess... what were you- MERCEDES! FLAYN!! SOMEONE...HELP!!”

 

He pulled himself up, beside you, staring at your face. You were so pale. Oh, Goddess, you were dying. Were you already dead?

“I’m sorry.” There isn’t a reason to apologize, you aren’t sorry, but it still came out like the blood that is on Dimitri’s hands now.

 

“Don’t you dare apologize to me right now,” his voice choked off in his throat feels raw with emotions, barely able to hold back the sob which demands to escape, “not when you are like this. What were you thinking, (Y/N)? You have promised me to not be reckless.” He phrased it in a question, but both know why.

 

“Y-You... haven’t seen the... swordmaster... and those snipers. Y-You...were going to die...if they attack you. I want to protect you.... and I don’t regret my decision.“

 

You opened your mouth to speak but immediately coughed, feeling globs of blood on the corners of your lips. Dimitri gripped your hand, his hold so tight that it hurt, but you wouldn’t waste your breath on telling him. You could barely see Mercedes scurried over to your side as quickly as she could, Flayn follows behind her, leaving the Death Knight behind with tears running down her cheeks.

 

“Please stay awake for me a little longer, please.”

He choked out, pulling you closer if possible as it would keep you from leaving.

 

The chaos around you went mute as your eyes grow heavy. Maybe a quick nap would suffice.

 

“No...no, no, (Y/N)!! You can’t do this to me, you can’t-! Please, (Y/N), I can’t lose you too.....”

 

You felt like you were fading, and the sounds around you faded along with your hazy consciousness. You fell asleep.

---

Every second was filled with anxiety; you’d lost so much blood. The wounds were too deep to heal completely. There was little to no possibility of survival. Not after what you’d been through.

The days turned to one week, then two...then three. The physical wounds had healed, mostly repaired and faded to scars. There was potential for things to return to normal, and you may wake up sooner rather than later.

When you opened your eyes again, you found yourself in a dimly lit room, your upper body covered in bandages. The first thing you’re aware of is a dull throb radiating throughout your entire body. You were confused, and moved your head, unintentionally shifting your body and sending a wave of pain through your chest and stomach as you tried to get up. You closed your eyes tightly in response to the return of extreme pain, much worse than you had ever felt before. With much struggle, you sat on the edge of the bed shakily trying to stand up. The door creaked open and you looked up to find Dimitri peering inside.

 

”You’re awake,” he said, a look of surprise on his face. You tried to stand up and walk to him but failed, Dimitri ran in and caught you before you fell over. “I thought I was going to lose you, (Y/N),” he said, lifting you up effortlessly, settling you gently onto the bed and pulled up a chair. 

 

As cautiously as you could, you managed to sit yourself up. You kept a careful eye on the young king, noting how dark the circles under his eyes have become and how hollow his cheeks have turned. The fact that rest had eluded him for however long you were unconscious was as plain as day.

 

“You nearly died because of me. I have no right to be... you of all people shouldn’t-!” He managed to say, his voice shaking as his fingers trembled.

His head shot up to look at you, cerulean blue eyes dampened by tears that pooled in them. Your eyes were open, though weakly, looking at him and his disturbed state. You sensed his worry, but also his relief as he hovers next to your bed, engulfing you in his embrace and squeezing you against his chest for all he was worth. He was mindful of your wound, but that wasn’t enough to keep him away. No, he needed you. He needed to be beside you, to feel you, to know you were there.

 

“I’m okay, Dimitri...” You whispered, resting a hand on his chest where his heart thundered. You closed your eyes against him, relishing the feel of his tender warmth.

 

You felt how hard and rapid his heart was beating, almost deafening. Your arms wrapped around his heaving back weakly, rubbing it soothingly. He pulled you closer in response—closer, closer, closer, until every inch of you was smothered by him. Hesitant, trembling fingers graced your tightly wound bandages and you felt something warm and wet splatter onto your exposed shoulder.

 

"I could not stand to lose you,” he spoke slowly, holding your hands so tight that it hurts.

“But I fear that I may if I tell you what is on my mind.”

 

His voice was as quiet as it could be and it made you frown your eyebrows in worry. You were happy to see him alive, that was your goal when you decided to protect him from the approaching enemies. However, seeing him so distraught and afraid twisted your insides uncomfortably. The way he held your hand so desperately, afraid to let go.

 

“Dimitri.” You call him quietly, which makes him look at you with those gorgeous eyes of him.

 

You move your hand to his cheeks, caressing his soft skin, trying to bring him even the tiniest amount of comfort. Leaning to give him a soft chaste kiss on his lips. He reciprocated by open-mouthed kiss you with such fervor. There’s an undercurrent of desperation in the way Dimitri kisses you, as if this is the last moment he’ll ever feel it. It’s almost as if it pains him to be this close to you. You were alive, yet he couldn’t help but doubt it. Perhaps it was once again due to the vicious noises he still heard, though faintly. However, he was glad that they allowed him this moment of happiness.

 

“I won’t leave you, Dimitri.” You promised between ragged breath, your chest heaving.

 

“We are so close to ending this. Please, promise me you’ll stay safe. Rest, for now, my beloved.” Leaning down, he pressed a lingering kiss to your forehead, holding your hand to his chest. “I promise, I will never let you be hurt for my sake again.” Covering you with a  blanket  and tucking you into bed to retire for the evening.

---

After your awakening, the Blue Lions and Professor began incorporating regular infirmary visits into their schedule. They showered you with kind, encouraging words and occasionally bore small gifts (flowers and snacks), always encourage you to get better soon. But your most frequent visitor of all was your beloved gentle king.

It was two weeks since you have gotten better. Mercedes promised to take care after your bandages this evening.

“Are you ready, (Y/N)?”

You met Mercedes’ warm gaze with your own. With a firm nod, you replied, “Ready as I’ll ever be, Mercedes.”

 

The healer moved closer to you, her skilled hands undoing the set of bandages for the last time. Dimitri averted his frantic eyes to the wall when the dressing loosened just enough for your breasts to peak through. A cold, unforgiving breeze whipped the newly exposed skin, jolting a shiver down your spine. Mercedes sighed, slowly traced the scars your chest and stomach.

“I’m sorry but we will never be able to remove the scars. The wounds all healed, but... the scars will never go away completely. I’m sorry (Y/N).”

 

Your eyes immediately flashed over to Dimitri’s stiffening frame.

“It’s okay. I will never regret such a thing.” You smiled, tucking a lock of hair behind your ear.

“Do you need anything else, (Y/N)?”

“No, I’m all good, Mercedes! Thank you for your help.”

“All right, then. Annette said that she needs my help with her baking this evening. We have to finish it before midnight! Should you need anything, please feel free to call me.” Mercedes gave you last smile before excusing herself politely from your quarter.

 

“Dimitri.”

His jaw clenched tautly; his eyes crunched into a pain-stricken wince. Refusing to look at your scar, a harsh reminder of his failure.

“Look at me.”

He stilled and won’t budge to look at you.

 

“I will never regret nor blame you for this. It was my decision and if it means saving you, I’ll gladly do it again in a heartbeat. Or... perhaps.... I can understand if you find that my... scars are disgusting, appalling, even....” you whisper softly, almost inaudible. Your surroundings whizzed right past you before you were unceremoniously slammed into your bed.

“DON’T SAY SUCH THINGS ABOUT YOURSELF!!” He growled “I will not allow you to throw your life away for me. If.. If something ever happen to you.. I’ll live a life worse than death itself, (Y/N).”

 

Not a moment later did you feel something warm and soft press against your lips. His mouth moved awkwardly yet full of affection. Hands planted  on either side of your body, ridding any hope of escape from his ravishing kisses. Dimitri pressed his lips further into yours, swallowing your moans. His lips left yours to trail down around your neck, breasts, and stomach lovingly. “This wounds... I cannot lose you again, my beloved.” His body quivered.  The King kissing the scars on your cleavage and abdomen, worshiping them reverently with tender touches, almost like touching a porcelain doll. Afraid to break you with his almost inhuman power. Biting and sucking wherever his heart desired until you were covered in nothing but love bites, leaving you a panting mess.

 

Dimitri held you in his arms, stroking your hair and mumbling whispers of ‘I’m sorry’. Bittersweet smile formed on his lips. He gazed at you, eyes lidded with desires and need, mixed with guilt and love. “(Y/N)... My beloved...” You pulled away slightly to look up at him and smiled.

“Dimitri...” You cupped his cheek in your hand, in which he immediately melted into.

“I love you, Dimitri.”

 

He blushed at your words, then it dawned on his realization. Suddenly becoming very aware of the... intimate position you were in. “Um, w-well...” As he came to his full senses he released his hands from you, as though from fire and stuttered, quickly pulling away from your panting form. He wasn’t making eye contact anymore, and you followed his gaze downwards on your body. Oh. Without the dreamlike stupor a d hazy feeling to distract you, you realized just how naked you are. Nightgown pooled beneath your waist. Feeling an onset of bashfulness, you also brought an arm up to cover as much of your chest as you could; despite what you had just done with him, the reality of the situation was catching up to you.

 

He flinched, breaking eye contact and rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.

“Ah—Urghh!!! I’m sorry, (Y/N)!! I don’t know what came over me but.. but... P-Perhaps we should... stop... before it escalates any further...” The King unclasped his furred cloak hurriedly and put it over your naked body unceremoniously, hiding his flushed crimson face in his hands again, absolutely brutalized with shame. 

 

“Er.. Be certain to rest for now. We may have undone some of your healing.” Then he said hurriedly, almost inaudibly. “When your strength returns to its fullest, we can pick up where we left off. I promise.”

 

“Fine...” You giggled, finding his attempt at being serious too adorable. The heat and passion was still very visible in his eyes, and it was obvious that anymore teasing on your end would send him over the edge.

“Thank you for this lovely evening, Dimitri.”

You pulled his hand to your lips and give each of his fingers soft kisses, gazing at him lovingly. Dimitri’s jaw and pants tightened, the poor king desperately clinging onto the last thread of sanity and reason which threatened to snap at any moment.

 

“Good night, my beloved (Y/N).” Casting one last glance at you and bashfully looking down when he caught your eye, the Blue Lions Leader left with a haste that was probably unbecoming of a gentleman, his long legs taking the steps to the second floor dormitory two at a time. He somehow,  somehow  managed to reach his room without incident or interruption, locking his door behind him, leaning back against it and covering his burning red face with his hands. His body felt like it was on fire; nerve endings alight with sensations he had long believed were dead.

 

The pit of his stomach tangled in knots when he thought of (Y/N). All he could think about was your pure unadultered love, beautiful (E/C) that is gazing at him affectionately. Goddess, he was such a sinner. It made him want to put his hands on you. All over you. Repeatedly. Savoring the taste of your lips as you moan into his mouth. Feeling your warmth and love. Unclothed. His mind is running wild. This frantic sensation in his blood, while half-forgotten, was not new. It will be another sleepless night for the poor king. And it’s all because of you.

[creacherkeeper]

LOVR ur aelwyn and the bad kids series and can’t wait to see what you’ve got planned for the other three bad kids!! got any headcanons in general about them?

thank you so much!!!! <3 <3 ive REALLY enjoyed writing the series so far, and the comments and encouragement has been so lovely ;; fantasy high fandom my beloved <3

*slaps head* this babey can fit so much headcanons in it

okay ive talked about this with a few people but i totally think season 3 will have a siblings motif. we already know a few characters who are NOT only children (fabian, ayda) which hasn’t been explored, and have some characters who also have the potential to not be only children (they called fig ‘first born daughter’ in hell?? weird choice of wording for an only child) (also either set of gorgug’s parents could have more kids - adopted or bio). and i’d just really like to see more of kristen’s brothers and OF COURSE adaine and aelwyn. riz just has such strong only child vibes im sorry i dont see that changing

i REALLY HOPE we meet fabian’s siblings but my PERSONAL headcanon for them is that he has an older sister who is like. SUPER COOL and badass and can kick his ass in a second flat and literally everyone is in love with her. and also an older brother who lives in bastion city who is a completely normal and extremely boring accountant

(also fabian’s cool older sister and aelwyn become friends ok thx)

so adaine definitely has the potential to be a very physical person (like even early early s1 she’s throwing spells, punching, The Ladle) but obviously was raised in an environment where she was expected to be very self contained. i think as she gets used to mordred manor and living with jawbone and tracker and ragh especially, she gets VERY about physical affection. like, okay, one, the child is touch starved we all know this. but i think she goes from awkward fistbumps and pats on the shoulder to like. BIG bear hugs, hair ruffling, people sitting on her lap, etc etc pretty quickly. like just embracing that physicality she has in a positive way

also jawbone and tracker (in a safe way, we know they take measures to not spread lycanthropy) totally bite as affection. and adaine picks up on it and one day just sort of chomps aelwyn’s arm a little bit and aelwyn is like. hey. so what the hell was that. and adaine was like it was affection it means i love you. and aelwyn is just like. literally what the fuck is up with this house.

ALL the bad kids have trauma For Sure but (as i hinted at in the first fic) fabian definitely has ptsd from leviathan. i think his presents as less emotional stuff and more as like. a ton of hypervigilance and irritability/snappishness when he’s triggered

okay i could literally write an essay on all the bad kids mental stuff and neurodivergence and everything but 1) kristen is just a unit of cPTSD with freckles 2) adaine and aelwyn have the SUPER WEIRD combo of adaine being the externalizer and aelwyn being an internalizer and i think that’s the thing that like. yes DID fuck up aelwyn for a long time but ultimately is what saved both of them. like i believe very strongly that if this tendency had been flipped they’d both be completely screwed

okay speaking of aelwyn 1) claustrophobia now right?? like we can all agree on that ?? 2) this is NOT just me projecting (yes it is) but i think aelwyn has chronic pain/fatigue for a good while after s2. like you cant spend almost a YEAR at five levels of exhaustion doing one extremely restricted repetitive motion and not like ???? completely fuck up your body??? like yes she and fabian totally swordfight and duel and stuff but also i think it takes a WHILE before she can do any physical activity without getting completely wiped out. because spells do seem to take SOME level of energy or whatever from you (spell slots, otherwise you could just do them all the time) i think this probably includes spells

gorgug is like. extremely good with kids. toddlers especially. he talks to them like they can totally understand everything (great for development!) and is just very patient and kind and good but also does not mind being used as a jungle gym and WILL throw a child into a beanbag chair for two hours straight (ALSO great for development!). fabian also thinks babies are the cutest things on the planet but will NOT admit that so he mostly tags along when gorgug babysits because he’s “just SO bored he CANT find anything better to do UGH” and secretly is like. babies <3

let aelwyn MULTICLASS!!!! paladin and barbarian are my faves for her

i know this is a common hc but like. all the bad kids share clothes. for sure. literally the bugs bunny OUR closet meme

kristen has a total green thumb she’s GREAT with plants and tracker is just like <3 its because youre a lesbian <3 even though tracker will totally kill any plant she comes in contact with by accident

kristen and tracker are the academy’s GSA moms. theyll be like “hello my child” and the other kid will be like im four months older than you??? and theyre like “that does not matter <3″

adaine and aelwyn were DEF forced into like. piano and violin lessons growing up but when fig finds out shes VERY EXCITED they can play together and like. does piano and violin and bass sound good together?? dont worry about it. its the first time playing music is actually fun for the two of them

ayda, after more research and understanding, is totally the type of person who’d walk up to someone in the grocery store and be like “hello i believe you are autistic like me let me explain what that is” and fig is like. babe. babe. we were just here for fruit snacks. babe.

okay i will stop here for now because i super need to shower but also if people wanted more/specific headcanons i might be .....,, persuaded ...

[chaoticspacefam]

6.  “How do you think this will all end?” for D'leah, please <3

Pinky once again picking THE juiciest possible combo of prompt + characters, everybody go thank her bc I had a blast with this 👀 I’ve been wanting to write a oneshot for this part of the story for a while and this is the perfect excuse mwahaha 

@palepinkycat here you go! Sorry this one took a little while, I haven’t had time to sit and write it out till now, but hopefully it’s a decent enough length to make it up to you! 👀

I have more to say about the body language I described in here (namely the significance of the “under chin” snuggles & also why D’leah Yelled At Abe When He Tried To Do It To Her At The End), but I have a Worldbuilding tag somewhere in my mentions so I’mma save it for that basically. More Tomato Lore gonna drop sometime in the next week or two once I’m done with the drawings skshsks I tried to do one for this one too but it was not coming out right so maybe some other time XD

I’ve seen a lot of fics explore what it’s like to have a Force bond and communicate with it but I’ve seen very few that deal with the “what if it breaks when one of them dies” side of it, so this is my take on what happens and how it probably feels for the “surviving” party; I usually describe my Force bonds as a sort of ethereal “thread” type thing that then connects their emotions/souls/however you want to see it and yadda yadda, so...you can’t tell me that snapping that thread wouldn’t fucking hurt ;-; For extra heart hurty, the song quotes were the main two songs I listened to while working on each “part” of this fic, so you can use them for ambience if you want ;)

As always I use the Coruscant Translator for (most of) my High Sith, translations are included on the bottom however :) (since the quote from the prompt is said in Sith, they’re gonna talk in High Sith sometimes being well...Sith :3)

Abaron is the best brother-in-law, I do not make the rules. D’leah you need to apologise to this man immediately 😂 she does, immediately after this (not shown) dw, I swear

Timeline/Setting: 3729 BBY (roughly/according to the still-holey timeline I’ve been working on since the “canon” one was released) Immediately post-Valkoriate takeover. As in, literally just happened slash is happening as this occurs.

Warnings: Character Death mention (Kissai), Breaking Force Bonds, Plenty of angst (it was from an “angsty” prompt list, after all! 😬) , possible slight gore (?) in the form of description of a former  injury from a concussion grenade (just to be safe lol), and ofc some Cuss Words (™) 

^^ these are ur warnings, click past this cut at ur own risk and I am not responsible for how you react bc you chose to pass the warning k thanks ^^

“Don’t care if he’s guilty, don’t care if he’s not. He’s good and he’s bad and he’s all that I’ve got. Oh lord, oh lord, I’m begging you please...don’t take that sinner from me -” ~ The Civil Wars, “Devil’s Backbone”

It all happened so fast, they had to react fast if they were going to save the twins, and D’leah knew that. She’d tried so desperately to help her husband, pouring as much of her Force energy as she could through the bond they shared. It had always worked before, why wasn’t it working NOW?! D’leah didn’t know, but she could feel him growing weaker and weaker by the second. 

D’leah - his voice was so distant and faint, she almost didn’t want to acknowledge the reality of it. No, no no, he wasn’t dying he couldn’t be dying, no no no…. D-Don’t do this. Sai… her grip on the control cluster tightened until her knuckles turned pale, they were already in the air. It would be easy to do what she knew he was about to ask...but it would mean leaving him to his fate. Could she do that?

Dimly, D’leah could hear Abaron chattering to the girls behind her as he made sure they stayed in their seats, but she couldn’t hear the words any of them were saying, there was just him and that horrible, ominous weakness bleeding from her husband’s end of the bond. 

You need to run… Kissai urged her. PROMISE me. The girls-

I can’t...not without you! her mind-voice caught as if the words were difficult to form, she felt him slip further away and frantically tried to bolster his strength up again, but somehow, she couldn’t put her finger on how, it only seemed to make the other Pureblood weaker. Sai, snichi… she pleaded, and she could feel the barest attempt at a smile from her husband as he gave her his final farewell, 

Nu aki j’us, D’leah. RUN. For me...

His words were far weaker now, more forced, as if even Kissai knew he was running out of time to convey his plea. D’leah realised with a growing sense of horror that they really didn’t have another option, she had to protect their daughters. She reached towards the navcomputer to punch in the quickest hyperspace code she could think of that would get them as far away from Imperial Space as possible, but never managed to get there. 

The pain hit her so fast that D’leah had no time to prepare for it even if in reality, she’d known it was coming. First, came the white-hot metal rod of pain that jammed right down the center of her spine. Every nerve ending felt like it was on fire and it was this that was enough to cause her to cry out in pain and lose her grip on the ship’s controls as the Pureblood was thrown sideways in her seat. She managed to fall with just enough grace to get herself out of Abaron’s way and as she hit the floor and the pain kept coming, she faintly heard the man curse in High Sith as he lunged across to take her place in the pilot’s seat before they nose-dived into Force-only-knows what, out here in open space like they were. 

Then she felt the thread of Force energy between herself and her husband straining, threatening to snap, and before long, it did. D’leah knew logically there was nothing she could do to stop it, and that trying would make it hurt more, but she was desperate and on reflex she could not help but try. Frantically, she reached out with her own Force energy and clasped for each thread as it tore away from her, bit by bit, as if clutching at the strings would somehow, futilely, keep him here. Would let him live. But still, the pain came again, and again, and she fancied that the sinews of flesh being ripped from bone when she lost part of her face to that concussion grenade had been less painful than this. “No...no no no no please...please! NO!!!” Everything else was so faint and far-away in comparison that D’leah didn’t realise that her scream had been out loud this time, her fingers fumbling for her heart, though she couldn’t rightly tell if that was where the pain was truly coming from and it was simply a reflexive reaction. 

For a long while she clenched her teeth through wave after wave of pain, and while it didn’t stop, it became easier with every breath for D’leah to push it into the background. Slowly, the Pureblood’s blurry vision cleared and she realised the twins were staring down at her, wide-eyed in horror. 

She needed to get up. She needed to go to them, she needed to be strong. For them.

Saarai reached for her first, but she scooped both of them up into her arms as best as she was able, all but falling into the seat where the twins had been huddled moments before. The girls both clamored to settle themselves as close to her as they could without pushing the other out of her grasp too. D’leah held onto them as tightly as she could, only vaguely aware of Saarai’s voice as she chattered a question up at her, catching every second word or so. “Moooom!” as she reached up towards her again, and “Dad...gonna find us...right?” 

Their mother shushed them softly, adjusting her grip to fit both of the twins, as best she was able, beneath her chin. Safe. They were safe there.

“Shhh, shh-shh, my little one.” she croaked shakily, a tremor passing through her frame as she tried to keep her voice steady and convincing through the lie. “He’ll catch up later, don’t you worry.” 

They sat in silence, D’leah clutching them against her chest as if they, too, might disappear if she let them go for even one second, and Abaron took over piloting the ship so that she didn’t have to. He’d practically done all the work already, anyway. She risked a glance down at her daughters, and caught the wary glint in Saarai’s golden eyes, the sideward glance at her sister, and she knew that they knew it was a lie. But she had not the heart to tell them that yet. Not now, through the tears that had begun to stream from her eyes despite her attempts to hold them at bay. She did not mean to cry, but what else could she do??

Saarai’s tiny fingers reached up shakily, when she realised what they were, to brush the liquid tracks from her chin and the spurs on her jaw. It only made her cry more and hold them tighter.

“Nunchi woiunoks, oi ai utja…” she breathed soothingly, hoping it was convincing enough for the twins. “Mom’s got you...nothing is ever going to hurt you while I’m here.” She held them like that right until they landed.

“The daughter of a lawyer, told the fallen priest “it’s a cold, cold place in the arms of a thief”, And tapping at the arrow in her heel, she said “LEAVE ME ALONE! ...but just don’t leave me here, alright?” Alright..” ~ Iron & Wine, “Arms of a Thief” 

By the time they arrived at their destination, some planet called “Rishii” that she doesn’t ever recall knowing of before - but perhaps that’s a good thing - and Abaron managed to find them a place to stay, the pain she had felt had dulled to more of a phantom throbbing than anything else. But her consciousness felt vulnerable and empty without Kissai’s own Force presence winding around hers, she felt alone, even though physically she was not. D’leah had sung and rocked the twins to sleep, with some effort, and glanced down at them as they slept, Ni’kasi’s arms curled around her sister as she burrowed under her chin for comfort beneath the blanket their mother had tucked around them.

The pain was gone, and in its wake came the FURY. It bubbled to the surface all too quickly, and D’leah began to tremble again, a growl rumbling deep in her throat as she realised that first, the girls were theoretically out of danger, and secondly, she still had a ship. She could go back. 

“I’m going to kill that fucker.” the Pureblood wheeled for the door, only to find it blocked by Abaron, who seemed to have pre-empted her outburst. She stopped short, a hiss slipping past her teeth as her lip curled back to show her fangs briefly. “Abe. Move.” she snarled, resisting the urge to shout so as to not wake Saarai and Ni’kasi from their slumber. The tips of Abaron’s jaw spurs shook as, for once in his life, he declined to follow her order. 

“No. My Lord, I can’t let you do that.”

It took every ounce of her self control not to do worse, but as it was, D’leah tried to lunge for him so she could force her way past, he might not have been taller than her but he was stronger, and heavier too. The man reacted just as quickly, his own hands closing around her wrists to push back and keep her in place, his own feet firmly rooted in the doorway as he grunted. “D’leah! Listen to me, please!” 

The tears threatened to come to the surface again, her eyes burning hot, though this time the matriarch forced them down, though her voice still quivered as she spat, each word punctuated with a quiver in her voice.

“You have no idea how I am feeling right now!”

“Not wholly, no.” Abaron argued, releasing her arms as she dropped them back to her sides, her remaining spurs still rattling softly in agitation. “But I know that going back there now is foolish, my Lord!” 

“Get. Out. Of. My. Way!” D’leah hissed, though she didn’t have the strength left after the manic dash away from Kaas to call the lightning to her fingertips and lend to the threat she was trying to punctuate. “H-He is sitting there, on our homeworld, w-with our people’s blood on his hands!” she tried to shove him again, but her fist connected dully with the plated armour on the other Pureblood’s chest and didn’t make much of an impact on him. “They’re all dead and y-you just want me to -!!” 

“I’m trying to protect you, my Lord!” his teeth flashed back at her, yet another thing she would not have stood for if she was half as lucid as usual. He continued on further, his voice a low, agitated growl as he lowered his face to hers as if to punctuate his point. “That is my charge, it’s what you bid me to do and I will not have you risking your life for such a foolish venture, you’re not thinking straight! We are the only ones left! It’s my duty to make sure that all three of you stay alive!” 

She flinched at the reminder. Them, and Vowrawn, perhaps...if he was sneaky enough. But Abaron was right, going back would put him at risk, too. His eyes searched hers frantically, and his hands remained raised as if Abaron wasn’t completely sure he wouldn’t need to hold her back again. D’leah was in half a mind about it herself, she wasn’t sure how to react now. And what her brother-in-law said next put the nail in the coffin, so to speak: 

“Dias dari j'us minti pa saû iki wisa qorit?” he urged, the words a muttered whisper.

The Pureblood matriarch felt her anger fizzle out almost instantly as the realization sank in. The girls....they were only children. They were far too young for this. Too young, they were too young for this talk of death and loss and grief; too young to have to understand if she left them here and did not come back either. Their father’s passing would weigh heavily on them for the rest of their lives, they didn’t deserve to have to lose their mother, and on the same day, too...

She deflated, her shoulders sagging in defeat, and another tremor wracked her frame as she dropped her own gaze to the floor for the moment. “Abe...I-” 

“I know.” he sighed, relaxing as he stepped up to draw her against his chest sympathetically. She almost didn’t react, until she felt his chin brush the top of her head and she realized what he was trying to do. Despite his attempt at the gesture being comforting, D’leah jerked herself away from him to growl warningly. “Dari nindz.”

He looked momentarily taken aback, holding his hands up amicably as he apologised. “I was just...I thought you needed-” “Nu sûa nindz zo ardira!” she snapped at him, but mercifully, turned away from the door and stalked further inside once more.

____________________________________________________

Sith translations, in order:

Snichi... - please... 

Nu aki j’us. - I (romantic) love you.

Nunchi woiunoks, oi ai utja. - Sweet little one, it’s alright.

Dias dari j'us minti pa saû iki wisa qorit? - How do you think this will all end? 

Dari nindz - Don’t.

Nu sûa nindz zo ardira! - I’m not a child!

[flowerbeom]

You’re an incredible writer— I got that much from reading just one of your works for the first time awhile ago, “Tension” with Im Jaebeom.

But I hope you don’t take any of what I’m about to say the wrong way. I’m extremely emotional and it’s extremely late at night where I am; this is a deadly combo for me when I decide to write anything. I’m extremely angry. I get that it wasn’t Jaebeom’s fault that his schedule never let him breathe, but it’s just like when the reader also knew it wasn’t his fault but still felt neglected. I still have so much of that anger for him because the reason the dates never went accordingly were related to him. And I’m angry that the M/C let him off so easily.

Call me sadistic, but I would’ve made him suffer a hell of a lot more. I’m angry as to why he ripped away 3 of our orgasms, but I’m also extremely confused since he did it without a clear reason. He really should’ve been GIVING 3 orgasms rather than taking them away, that feels kind of counterproductive. And the fact that he wasn’t even that phased at the reader being upset at his actions made me angry and really hurt. He seemed so indifferent to our piling pain (goddamnit I’m crying again just thinking back to it and writing this). And then at the end: BITCH, HE OWES ME 3 FUCKING DATES! 4 counting the one in the story. And the fact that he only chooses to do it after the reader is finally content having him by her side, I’m literally so close to punching a wall and pretending it’s Jae’s head.

I just NEED to know this, or else I’m never going to stop crying (that’s not an exaggeration, I will always cry if I even think about this story): Why did he have us count whenever he denied us an orgasm? That’s the main thing that makes me angry and confused. Just why? He deserved getting punished in the beginning (and then some), so why’s he being petty? Albeit, we were TECHNICALLY being petty with the punishment in the beginning (I admit when the truth is the truth, okay?), but he oh so deserved it and more. Why does he get to do THAT without a clear motive. I’m physically hurting cause of this. Please answer my question.

Ps. I apologise for being aggressive, I’m just extremely emotional and not thinking properly. Great work, infuriating to say the least, but great.❤️

Hello... that was some feedback.

I don't really have an exact answer for you, other than to provide some context and maybe you can infer on that.

For the purposes of the Universe that this story lives in: - They're married - Jaebeom comes home to her every night - They have sex on other nights and at other occasions than just "date night" - He is very generous. And not just in the bedroom. - They, as a couple, are extremely playful - Sure, she's mad their date got cancelled - but it isn't the end of the world.

I also wrote this over two years ago and can't remember most of my motivation for it.

But either way, thank you liking my craft; even if the work got to you.

[missksj]

choose your hero!nct127

ﾐ☆ genre: punch inspired!au, video game au!, superhero au!

ﾐ☆ word count: 7k

ﾐ☆ warnings: mentions of greatest fears and nightmares, fighting, death, light smut but nothing too vivid, and sm ceo and dispatch make an appearance ew i know

ﾐ☆ author’s note: ah my first nct 127 headcanon and second creation on this site! yes i know it’s been a long time coming since punch dropped but ever since i saw the music video, this idea popped into my head. i heard of other nctzens talking about this aesthetic when mentioning the mv, but hopefully you like my take on it! please enjoy and look forward to more writing from me in the future! thank you so much! ps this is not proof read yikes sorry

Velvet clouds of psychedelic purple with the scattered rays of sunset hues made an unnatural background for the logo’s electric lettering with lightning strokes cracking the static screen in your stuffy apartment. Outside was a different matter. A thunderstorm jolted the placid crimson sky to a violet that only nature could create, although the graphic designers of PUNCH: NCT 127 came close. It was rather befitting for the stark opposition of the hurricane raging outside to the retro sparking aesthetic that you’ve witnessed for the ninth time, and it was the most pivotal. It was as if the thunder was the applause, the lightning rallying behind you, the pelting of the raindrops reverberating the hammering of your heart. Almost victorious in a way, the non-player hero that lurked in the background of the other eight paths taken would finally be the alternate hero to your player. He was a prize in the reverie that you constructed solely from his brief bio to the artificial mannerisms and quotes that he generated in the story lines which enabled you to project your fantasy on mundane men. The comparison was cruel, fictional characters were even crueler. Nimble fingers and darting eyes fell into a comfortable routine, familiar with the introduction story, it was a race between the controller’s buttons and the spiteful lightning that would sever the power.

[FOR OFFICIAL USE ONLY]

[PROPERTY OF THE NCT 127 DIVISION UNDER THE SM AGENCY]

PRIORITY IDENTIFICATION 

[NAME]...F/N L/N

[ID #]...07201607

[STATUS]...Active

[CLASS]...Agent

[ALIAS]...Punch

[TEAM AFFILIATION]...N/A

Welcome to the NCT 127 Division, Agent L/N. I am Lee Soo-Man, the Director of the SM Agency and your guide for your latest mission: THE FINAL ROUND. On behalf of the whole SM community, we apologize for the abrupt summoning, but your presence and skills are crucial if we are going to defeat the DISPATCH terrorist. For too long, the person that cowers behind the mask that claims itself DISPATCH has tormented South Korea for too long, and only you can stop them. It cannot be done alone though, if you so choose to take on this responsibility, I will assign one of the nine superheroes of your picking to share this task. Do you accept it?

CLICK [YES] TO CONTINUE

CLICK [NO] TO RESTART

I am pleased that you have accepted the assignment. For the duration of the mission, the NEO ZONE will be the location of the base for you and your partner. Intel, equipment, and training will be at both of your disposals. Now that you have been briefed on all inner workings of the mission and the NEO ZONE, there is one last obstacle until you defeat the enemy. The selection of your partner is based on compatibility and trust, I implore you to consider wisely until you make a final decision. The designated superhero of your liking will be under one of two teams, FUTURE OR DREAMER. Both equally beneficial, but the bonds of loyalty run deep between the members, you have to determine which one of their morals you value more. Heed my warning though, with the right set of skills and talent,  you and your partner will be unstoppable but tread lightly your connection with him. After all, you are his only weakness. Which team and hero will you choose?

CLICK [TEAM FUTURE]

CLICK [TEAM DREAMER] 

You now have the option to choose your hero.

Before your perplexed mind could comprehend the change of dialogue, a streak of lightning had pierced the stillness of the undisturbed bedroom and released the tempest that was once contained to reality. With the abundance of consuming darkness, shards of glass pricking your paling skin, and tree branches pounding for entry--your white knuckles and twitching eyes fathomed the only connection you had with actuality; a plastic controller and the flickering avatar of your destined hero you chose only seconds before. Your heart had been thumping, not from the anticipation of a new adventure, no, it was pure fear that jolted your numbed muscles to sprint to sanctuary. The thunderstorm mocked your failed attempt at fleeing as another surge of electricity enveloped the room in white and sparks rippled at your ankles as you ran away but the tethering currents from the screen wrenched you back.

SOUL TRANSFUSION NOW COMPLETE_

Team Future

Taeil

Power: Pyrokinesis

A very vocal opponent when he’s on the battlefield, you might be on the other side of the area but you can always figure out where he is located by listening to his strange grunt/growl combos, enemies usually have to process the inhuman sound that came out of a small man but you just roll your eyes and toothy grin grows as you run to him for back up

Says “let’s get it!” any chance he gets, always attempts to make it your team chant before going on a mission but everyone votes no, even you

Loves to wear long sleeves as a staple piece of clothing despite his already burning temperature, he claims it eases him as if it were security blanket, and he enjoys when you tell him he looks adorable with his sleeved paws

During winter though, he always has to stock up on sweaters because you are always stealing them, whether it’s the feeling of his residual heat ghosting over your skin or look of complete adoration glazing over his eyes as he devours that look of yours, it’s a great excuse to wear one

If you had to assign ‘roles’ in the relationship, you would so be a top, he’s the most chill boy out there as you throw tantrums or squeal out of pure joy when you are finally promoted, it’s either purring hums out of his mouth or a silly smile as he gazes at you 

Physical affection is minimal between you two unless you initiate it, but it’s mostly wrapping his arm around you, it’s in no way conveying that he doesn’t love you, but rather love to him is experiencing moments with you, making memories while watching a funny movie or dancing horribly to a playlist he created

An exception is when you end up falling asleep on the couch as you two watch a movie, he secretly loves to carry you back to bed as he tucks you in and truly soaks in what you mean to him

His hair gradually transitioned to its current red as his powers grew throughout the years and he would always dye it but his genes overpowered any artificial color, not until you said you liked his hair like that, he decided to keep it

King of making you smile especially when you are down, he can’t stand seeing you sad so he insists on becoming a goofball until your sides hurt from laughing so hard

Takes training way too seriously, you always start off competing but by like the 100th crunch you are wiped but he’s still going 

Becomes sulky when his Disney Hades costume doesn’t come out as planned because his fire is red and not blue, but it was the best decision ever when you suggested Ghost Rider for the Halloween party, Taeil never looked better with just a leather jacket covering his bare skin

You finally convinced the clothing department to give you a fireproof uniform because Taeil has really bad aim, and your clothes are rags after a mission

Figured out you had a crush on Zuko when you were younger, so he would rewatch it with you and definitely cosplay Zuko, perhaps even role play with it if it’s something you were into

Having sex with Taeil was searing pain shooting through your thighs, tender love handles, heaving chests and lactic acid seeping through your muscles as he cheered you onto the last lap--it was a workout in itself with a sweltering room that reflected his aroused emotions

Both of you are constantly battling, whether it’s a rap battle or a cooking battle, Taeil is in love with the passionate side of you

Breakfast in bed is a tradition held during the weekends, he says he loves to spoil you but he just loves tasting his own food while you give him compliments on how delicious it is

Taeil is usually saved as a last resort for dangerous group missions, you’ve heard stories of his past battles as if he were legend already, but you’ve only witnessed his true power once by scorching down the enemy in one go, flames clawing his body as the inner glow within him exploded like he was a supernova--someone had to drag you out before the building collapsed on itself from the stifling heat and the roaring fire

You pinch his bouncy cheeks as often as possible just to see him roll his eyes while he fights off the widening smirk that makes his doe eyes curve into crescents, but it’s the blooming crimson of his cheeks that you indulge in, lightly sizzling your fingertips until you can’t take the pain any longer and yelp slips out, but Taeil swiftly swoops in and kisses your fingertips in an apology, it was a good pain though

It’s a normal night for both of you, 2 AM and your blabbering about everything and nothing, and Taeil always ends up the saying the same line to you as he coaxes you to sleep because he knows how grumpy you become in the morning, “I’m grateful we’re together, who would make you a fire if you were stranded on a deserted island? You definitely can’t, so, hmm, I guess it has to be me”

Johnny

Power: Lycanthropy

You’d suspect him to be bear when he morphed with his build and height, but he’s a hulking chestnut brown wolf with gentle eyes

Basically a puppy on steroids always expects a treat and good belly rub after eviscerating all his targets

Has the ability to shift at will, so during winter nights you can find him nestled around you for added warmth

During the colder months, he usually wears knitted sweaters and oversized coats in his human form because it reminds him of his fur, and he claims he likes to keep you warm while he holds you in any form

Creates video tutorials of both of you sparring with each other, lots of constructive criticism and compliments on your ‘form’

Begs you to ride him into a mission just for the sake of it, he can so see you as a badass warrior on their monstrous steed

Johnny’s favorite time of day is during the end when you wind down with him and you tell him every detail of your day despite you two being joined at the hip as partners

Always asks questions out of plain curiosity and simply in love with the sound of your voice, it’s the equivalent of you petting his sweet spot on the back of his ear

Without a doubt, he howls in bed while having sex, he’s always teetering the edge of shifting and even though you repeatedly tell him it’s fine to let go, the splintered wood of the headboard and floating feathers of a slashed pillow is evidence of how much concentration he puts in to keep you safe

Manicures and pedicures on a regular basis in the Suh household got to keep those claws clean

Adamant about not getting a pet dog with you, his excuse is he would get too jealous of another canine but his stance is weakening with your improved puppy dog eyes

Multiple jokes about ‘starting a pack’ with you

While in his wolf form, he can understand human language but he doesn’t have the ability to communicate, so both of you rely on subtle gestures

Naturally has a small smile, always nudges you with his snout, and whenever you make a joke to him, he bears his canines that are frightening to most but to you it’s comforting

Johnny’s greatest fear is if you two are ever in an argument and his anger blinds him to the point of him unconsciously shifting and accidentally harming you

Even clumsier in his wolf form, he doesn’t realize actually how massive he is which makes him a hazard to normal-sized beings

Gets most of his stances and moves from the wolves from the twilight series, he won’t admit but he’s certainly inspired by them

Sexual appetite is at a peak when the full moon comes out, growl central!!

The most treasured item you two have is a portrait of wolf-Johnny on his hind legs, attacking your face with slobbering kisses and you grinning brightly because nothing can compare to the bliss of that snapshot

Taeyong

Power: Superhuman Speed

After every assignment, Taeyong’s personal mission is to dote on you, this usually happens by using a covering or his own jacket and slinging it over your shoulders, if there is grime or blood on it, he lets out soft ‘sorry’ even though you always tell him not to

He knows it’s his job, he understands the need, but that doesn’t mean he is comfortable with the bloody side of it, and so he loves talking to you after incidents, your voice is soothing and it helps him process all the trauma, he says it’s for your sake but you know in these moments you are his crutch and you gladly accept the job

Naturally, a faster walker than you so he always manages to be a few feet ahead of you, but when he sees you fall behind, he holds your hand and  tugs lightly while matching your pace

After enhancing his speed,  he always has flushed cheeks and a glossy sheen across his forehead, so you make it a habit to kiss his forehead, cheeks, and lips to cool him down

It doesn’t work, his heart his pulsating harder than ever and does that exasperated airy laugh as an attempt to stabilize his heightened emotions while walking away so you don’t witness his even redder face

You give him piggyback rides after missions, his energy is basically depleted by then, so a jacket for a piggyback ride seems like a fair deal even though he fights you the whole way but you know he adores being cared for

You were the one to convince him to dye his hair pink in an effort to have an easier time spotting him during assignments and now he’s pink blur racing off to defeat villains

When he lightly peppers kisses on your face, the smacks get louder until he finally lands on your lips and it’s the most exaggerated sloppy sound he can make while he squeezes your cheeks

Weekdays for him are for cooking dinner, and you occasionally join to help him but mostly it’s him feeding you bits asking if everything is seasoned well and by the end, he is cursing because half the dinner is already gone

Type of boyfriend to remember you mentioning something you like and a few days later, he buys it for you or he randomly buys you things that remind him of you and leaves it for you as a surprise

Always doodling on you or leaving you notes with drawings so he can remind you that he loves you or to hydrate

After stressful missions, he just plops on top of you, his nose inhaling your scent as he forces his heart to match your rhythm, it lasts for about twenty minutes or until he can finally recharge

Taeyong’s gym locker in the NeoZone is plastered with couple photos of you two and photos of you modeling or candid while he directed you with his camera

The only way you can convince him to give you ten more pushups or five more pullups is if you bribe him with kisses and it always works

Very sacrificial, it’s one of his main flaws, he’ll get super flustered and annoyed when he sees you in the line of fire, so he’ll ultimately take all the heat and scold you after to put yourself first

His face usually has a cold blank stare to it as he observes his surroundings but once you collide into him and coil your arm around his, he grows this massive grin that only you can create

Never takes advantage of his speed with you, his surroundings are always in a constant race and he’s always anticipating the next move, but with you, your a serene presence washing over him; calming him, grounding him to capture every moment of you so it isn’t a blur but a vivid mural

Definitely tender and sensual in bed, once tried to spice things up by using his speed but he almost broke you, so now he only changes his pace if you request it

With your head on his chest every night, the last thing you hear before you fall asleep is the rapid thumping of his heart; it’s the only lullaby you’ll ever need

Yuta

Power: Supernatural Swordsmanship

Cut his hair with his kodachi and you most definitely needed to clean up the edges

Villains dread combating with Yuta, not just because he’s insane with a sword but he only talks about you and your relationship while fighting as if the opponent will answer his question of whether he should give you a cookie or ice cream cake for your birthday or even both 

Rather than making you feel better when you feel down, he would be your soundboard, a shoulder to cry one, a great pair of ears; patience and multiple ‘mhms’ as you unravel your worries while his fingers swirl on your thigh and he kisses your temple

You two could be on opposite sides of the room but his eyes would always gravitate to you and he would wait until you notice so he could meet your gaze and he would do the dorkiest faces, especially his famous lion rawr aegyo, it makes you realize how good of a father he would be

Goes wild when he sees your body tremble beneath him as the cold metal of the kodachi glides along your skin

The only thing rivaling his love for you is his love for his katana, it’s bond that can never be severed and  it’s a trust that only develops between soulmates, you could never understand but you accept and allow it to be the third partner in the relationship

It shouldn’t be possible for Yuta to look like a prince walking out of an otome game right after a battle, but there he is, glistening skin with swept hair and twinkling eyes as he sheathes his katana across his back as if he’s going to ride his horse in the Sengoku period

It’s usual occurrence to catch him absentmindedly talking to his katana, you wouldn’t be surprised if it could talk back, he can summon it by hand already, that sword and he shares one brain cell but he usually uses it as a mirror

You’re a killer couple, not only with looks and fashion but it’s quite a sight to experience as you shoot a bullet to his katana so it can ricochet at a target eighty feet away

Manages a rigorous training session before you wake up and when he’s done, he ends up collapsing on top with his sticky body as you screech at him to get off

The training facility in the NeoZone is rarely used because Yuta is a big believer in fresh air and beautiful scenery will motivate you more, so your sparring on the edge of cliffs and sprinting along the seaside

Alternates between reading books with you outside in your backyard with a makeshift picnic or both of you cuddled in bed with the open windows and the only source of light is the sun

If you have missions abroad, he convinces the agency to always give both of you one day free so you can act like tourists, nobody can say no to his dashing good looks and he knows it

One year for Christmas, you got him custom made tiny katana earrings and it’s literally the one pair he uses now, at least on his lobe

Yuta isn’t the overbearing type when it comes to jealousy, he shouldn’t have a say in what gender your friends are but when he sees a certain person obviously flirting with you it just takes slight glint of his katana to blind the intruder and they are already scurrying off 

Gets a kick out of playing real-life fruit ninja

Decided to shave a slit in his eyebrow with his katana one spontaneous night, he got out of the bathroom with a huge grin and asked, “does this make me look more badass?”

Your hands always end up somewhere around his stomach, gliding across the lean muscles, squeezing around his hips, twiddling his piercing, you name it, you can’t keep your hands off him

Nakamoto Yuta is a force to be reckoned with on the battlefield, the pang of fear thrills you as you witness his lack of mercy and fiery anger at injustice as he slaughters anyone that stands before him, but that wicked glint in his eye softens just for you and then you see the scrawling of your name engraved on the hilt of the katana, and you know you are the only one that knows the true Yuta and you feel so blessed

Doyoung

Power: Precognition 

You beg him every possible waking minute for him to allow you to do his makeup if only to contour his insanely sharp cheekbones, he finally relents but he has a scowl on his face the whole time

You’ve become quite a baker with Doyoung but he always has to guide you so his arms snake around your waist as an excuse yet he acts completely innocent when he knows it makes you distracted

Playlist for every occasion, especially when he’s having sex with you, the house ends up feeling hollow whenever he’s away without his angelic voice but to your surprise, Doyoung leaves you secret audio files lulling you in a trance

His mouth becomes a cherished part for you, especially the way the corners of his lips curl up naturally, the small smirk instantly widening when in front of food, or the blinding white teeth as he’s gritting them when approaching an orgasm or laughing at you, not with you

It takes about five minutes for Doyoung to arrange his plushies in the right position so you both don’t ruin them as you cuddle

One arm draped over a plush and the other wrapped around your back, or him in a fetal position with his plush embraced into his chest as you act as the big spoon

Hand holding is strictly for the bedroom with him, but he knows you admire his hands often, so he’ll have him some type of connection with you when out in public; whether it’s his pinkies wrapped around yours, curved into the loop of your pants, or his delicate veiny hand wrapping around your sleeve

End up catching him more than once, gushing over the phone with his brother about how in love he is with you and you may not lurk in the background for a few minutes until you interrupt the conversation by saying hi to Donghyun

Downtime for you two is building a puzzle, coloring some pages, playing board games and him smug with his victory, watching some documentaries or kdramas, and if you two bought some new furniture for your renovating house, he would most definitely want to do it by himself as you laugh while handing him pieces

Manages to still be shy when you both kiss, it’s you who initiates the subtle peck on his pouting lips, but soon the soft curve of his lips invites you more while your hands cup his warming cheeks--he’s a contradiction of being timid but with all the confidence as he nibbles your lips as if you were a delicacy

Training for you two equals nap time, his power allows him to rely on his mind rather than his body, so when you ultimately force yourself to exercise, Doyoung is laying on the couch, lazily cheering you on

Always giving you little compliments in your earpiece as he guides you around for a recon mission, and still holds his breath when he tells you about the unforeseen event that you need to be prepared for even though he knows you can handle it with ease

Studies multitudes of intel before a mission because he can never be too prepared, and it eases his nerves knowing that he can take every precaution in ensuring your safety

Would dedicate a photo album of himself on your phone, and even send you his recent selfies, telling you to choose one of them as an updated contact photo

You clown him 24/7 but he clowns you right back, it’s always a constant playful banter between you two, his eyebrows would furrow when you called him cute, the trembling of lips broke his facade, and when he does it to you, you essentially become his baby as he bites your cheeks but tell no one or he would deny it

From the moment you two wake up until you both arrive at headquarters, he has sullen look across his features, he would brush his lips across your temple and a hoarse good morning would escape his mouth in a notion to acknowledge you, but until he gets coffee in his system his energy hasn’t been restored yet, but your use to it as you tug him to the break room with his lidded eyes

Alone time is a must for you two, it could be both of you in the same room doing your own thing without communication or different parts of the house or mostly you would leave to run errands and Doyoung stuck in his room, but at the end of the day he crawls to you and says a small ‘hey’ as if his day just started from the moment he set eyes on you

Doyoung was always on alert, aware of incoming predictions that he had no say in but easily accepted, it’s a strain on his mental being, a reason why he needs to center himself by being alone, but then you come

Your blank, just like him, you’re unpredictable and foreign to him, but it’s not until you two kiss for the first time, that a hazy premonition reveals itself in a form of two children that share your hair but his feline eyes, it’s fragile though and uncharted, he knows that he needs to do right by you to get to the last level that seemed like paradise to him

Team Dreamer

Jaehyun

Power/Being: Android

During his exoskeleton stage, Jaehyun requested that the scientists create dimples during his living tissue transplant because he heard “they’re to die for”

Definitely thought it was a weapon utilized to kill his enemies

You make a habit to poke at his dimples until you feel the exoskeleton underneath, an oddly comforting sensation that makes you realize that Jaehyun doesn’t have a heart but his actions say otherwise 

Literally the personification of steam coming out of ears in cartoons with scalding red tips, this only happens when you’re in danger or when he sees you in what he perceives as provocative

It took five hours to draw an array of tattoos on him for a disguise on a reconnaissance mission, and a certain neck tattoo was going to make you abandon the mission and your sanity

Sadly, he had to erase them because the “the bad boy” persona was an official disguise in his hardware and couldn’t be revealed to the public

Jaehyun kept one design, however, a soft beauty mark on the apple of his left cheek, he claims it’s your signature as his owner but you like the word partner better

Programs all your training sessions and signature moves to his hard drive because he believes there is no better instructor than you  (except Bruce Lee)

The first time you helped him clean his internal munition unit, you couldn’t decipher any of the weapons so you gave them your own personal nicknames, he kept correcting you but he got tired so he now calls them “wholly fist” and “boom boom pow by the BEP”

You joke around with him that because he was created on valentine’s day, he should be credited as a sexbot but he always frowned at that comment until he figured out he could turn the tables on you by saying “I could be your sexbot”

Whenever he sees another person eyeing you in what he perceives is attraction, he activates his instant kill function with laser red eyes and declaring “target locked”

Suave and intimidating when you two first meet but truly transformed into a ‘soft boy’ after downloading your Pinterest board 

Whenever both of you are out in public, eyes ogle him and mouths gawk, but Jaehyun is oblivious to it all until he turns to someone and starts up the most wholesome conversation about something mundane and you know that person melts with ease because Jaehyun was built to reflect human nature, but he was doing better than most in your opinion

Lots of arcade dates with him, he quickly figured out the algorithm of each game just so he can overflow you with gifts and so he can show off his basketballs skills because he knows you love eyeing his arms in action

When he’s with you though, he’d rather listen and absorb every action and word that you produce, he wants to immerse himself in you because he truly believes that you are all that is good about humankind

Archives every single detail that you speak, and replays it for you when you forget something or to prove you wrong, there is no in-between

Robot sex!!!! That drilling option though...oof

The moment he realizes the blaring internal alarm warning him of his elevated temperature and the shorted circuits whenever you are near, he correlates it to what humans label  “love” so he downloads files on expressing these so-called feelings

Instead of saying “I love you”, he says “I dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin you” when he first confesses, and you assume there is a chemical imbalance within him so you rush him to the infirmary but for the first time, Jaehyun stalls and his eyes are clouded with retrieved information glowing neon green until he settles on “I love...I love...I love you” (yes, he stole it from Mr. Darcy, so sue him, he’s a fracking android)

Jaehyun sometimes doubts his ability to love you and even you sometimes question if you can love a piece of metal, but then you observe him before he joins you in bed that he triples check his instant kill function is disabled and he gushes about the new song he discovered and you are so sure that he was made for you

Jungwoo

Power: Lightning Bolt Projection

Gets easily flustered with the most pouty lip ever when you call him ‘Zeus’, it was his failed superhero name when he was trainee, but to you, he is much better than that jerk of a Greek god

Dressed up as the actual Zeus once for the office Halloween party and the year after that as a lightning bolt and you a storm cloud

Whenever Jungwoo craves attention but you’re occupied with another task, he repeatedly zaps you, not enough to harm, but until you cave in yet when you want to be annoyed with him, his owlish eyes and trembling lips easily subdue you

Your shoulder is a sacred space for him, it's the perfect fit for his head to settle in with a toothy grin and the warmest ‘mhms’ as he listens to you speak

Jungwoo was never much of a fighter, his powers were swift enough to eradicate enemies with not much mobility, but training sessions with you were more than enough of an excuse to spend time with you

Lately, your skin has been electrifying, not only the amorous glow you were emitting, but everyone you came in contact with felt a slight spark

Hair treatments are a must, the frizz is wild with Jungwoo, you really need to ask about his hair products because his hair so fluffy despite the amplitude of currents running through him

While brushing your teeth with him, he always shoots out finger hearts to you and winks through the mirror, it’s a great way to start the day

Never felt more grateful for his power until you were attacked on an assignment and your heart failed, it took four shocks to revive you with streams of tears and muttering to any God to hear his prayer

He’s most himself in the rain, umbrellas have never been on your shopping list

Definitely shoots bolts out of his finger guns and then blows on them afterward, if he’s feeling flirty, an added wink explodes your heart

Your biggest cheerleader when you are kicking ass during a mission

It’s a tradition for him to rake his fingers over your back with slight ripples of electricity while you cuddle in bed, it does wonders to relax your muscles

It’s been months of practice to improve his bolt voltage and range, but he finally managed to write ‘I love you y/n” in the sky, he couldn’t help it, he’s bursting at the seams with adoration for you

Both of you in the kitchen is a sight to see, you season but he cooks the food, his specialty is slightly charred chicken

Packs both of your lunches so you can eat together on break

Gets scared easily and as a result will discharge a lightning bolt as a defense, so pranks are off-limits between the team members

Literal sparks when you kiss, numbing and exhilarating as currents pass through your molding bodies to create goosebumps and raising hairs

When he thinks of home, his first instinct is to be cradled in your arms, watching trashy movies as a thunderstorm quakes the earth

Mark

Power: Compulsion

Mark might excel in whispering but when you turn the tables on him, with your sultry murmurs, he can’t help becoming a puddle of blushing mush

Never once used actual compulsion on you, the only exception is when you figured out the surprise birthday party he was planning for you, he redirected your attention to grocery shopping

His favorite part of you is your right ear because it’s where you naturally tuck your hair at and he just loves to twirl a strand of it in his finger while he mutters sweet nothings to you

You’re his bodyguard during missions, he can’t possibly get that close to targets while they attack if you aren’t watching his back

Even when he is supposed to be acting intimidating during an assignment, he can’t help but stutter and repeat ‘uh’ a thousand times, but he gets the job done eventually

Your literally breaking sweat, contorting your body so four targets don’t reach Mark, and he’s over there oversharing with another target

“The love of my life is about to kick your ass and you aren’t going to do a single thing about it, booby head” or “make the password ‘mark and y/n forever’ or else”

Naturally whispers in his sleep with his stinky breath in your ear, and you try to push him off but he just clings onto you like a koala 

In the morning though, the slight breakage in his voice from pitched to croaky as he says good morning to you is on repeat in your head for the whole day

Mark’s give away when he is about to use compulsion is him licking his thin lips, and almost makes you get knocked out by the enemy because your already under his spell

Does a tiny dance for any occasion, from doing the laundry, stripping naked, or when you two had your first kiss

It’s the strained grunts, the heavy breathing, and the showering of hushed compliments in your ears that makes you reach your peak in bed, Mark always sounded better when he was being pleasured

To him, your voice is the loveliest sound across the universe and your adorably awkward cackle that you so desperately try to hide as he reenacts vines to you is what happiness is to him

Ice cream dates consist of him bringing a tub of ice cream to a yogurt shop because he knows you prefer it

Coughed over his first fart with you but now he loves to fart on you as you pretend you are suffocating and gagging

Has a folder in his photos dedicated to you where it ranges from blurry to candids and in during most of them he was either hyping you up or teasing you

Greets you with a ‘yo!’ whenever he enters the room

Will always buy you any lip product associated with watermelon and you’ll always buy him baseball caps for him to wear

Despite being loud for 90% of your relationship, he is most vulnerable with when he whispers his greatest fears, future goals, and nightmares to you because your the only one he can trust

With the many decibels that Mark Lee varies in, your favorite by far has to be the ascending chortle from the low HAs to the high HEEs with clapping hands and a scrunched nose that puffs out his cheeks-- it’s pure bliss to you

Haechan

Power: Light Manipulation 

Haechan is utterly in love with your cheeks, instead of biting them or pinching them, he opts to kiss them whenever he has a chance, it’s rushing heat of your blush and the swelling of your smile that he lives for

The little spoon in bed, just so he can wrap his leg around you and nestle his head in the crook of your neck just like a koala

Literally always a brat to you, it’s the many ways he shows you affections

You asked him once to paint your nails, and now he does it every Friday ever since he discovered the ‘my hands look like this so hers can look like this’ meme even though his hands just have bitten nails

A man of action, Haechan shows you love through his movements with a heart framed by his fingers or blowing a kiss

Needs to always be physically attached to you, whether it’s hugging you from behind, leaning his head on your shoulder, or falling into you when he’s in a fit of giggles, he needs you to know that he will never let you go

Snarky remarks and cheesy jokes define your relationship with Haechan

Manages to always wake up before you on those lazy mornings with you burrowed deep into his side, and he can’t help but be memorized by your presence but soon feels selfish when he moves a ray of sunlight to your eyes so he can just peek at the explosion of colors in your eyes when you flutter them open--ah yes, this is his favorite part of the day

Loves to play video games with you into the late hours of the night, especially overwatch, but your always the first one to pass out, so he makes sure to tuck you in and dim the light of the screen so it doesn’t bother you

Most nights the both of you are wide awake so you end up playing ‘what the light?’, a game where Haechan creates 3D objects out of light and you have to guess what they are before he finishes them

Oh, and shadow puppets! He’s become quite the expert with them, he creates the most ridiculous stories with them but you join him by voicing the characters

In addition to ‘I love you’ as a goodbye, you have a secret intricate handshake with him, his excuse was that if you two ever question’s one identity if ever an enemy swapped bodies, you two would know the truth with the handshake but in reality, he just loves that extra time with you before you two part 

It’s either Haechan teasing and making fun of you or he’s doting on you, there is no in-between because after all, you are his idiot

If he’s in the mood, he’ll solidify light photons into the shape of a sword and call it ‘sunflower’, he just loves to tell the tale that he took out fifteen assassins with a sunflower, but usually, he blinds them or burns them

Goes the extra mile for you to create a spotlight on you when you are giving a mission brief at headquarters, that’s the love of his life right there and he’ll make damn sure everyone notices them

Recreates Edward’s sparkling in the sun scene just so he can see you beam with laughter 

Master of mood lighting during sex, and don’t even mention when he hits his climax, bulbs flickers and lamps explode

It might be a trick of the light, but Haechan’s eyes are vividly bright and he’s drowned in golden hues of sunlight, it makes you wonder if he was plucked from the star itself

Yet, as your lips quiver and your glassy eyes blink the last remnants of tears in Haechan’s cupped hands, there is an inner glow from them as you bask in their warmth, he can’t help but proclaim that you are the sun of his world, you are the light of his life even when it feels like his is diminishing

[trashfor-imagines]

If There’s Light There’s Hope | 7

Bakugou x Fem!Reader (BNHA)

Summary: U.A. High School was your dream. You wanted to save people. You never expected how wild your journey would be and you certainly never expected a hot headed boy to play as large of a role as he would. Warnings: Swearing. [1] | [2] | [3] | [4] | [5] | [6] | [7]

-

Since the newscast of Endeavor defeating that Nomu, everyone was visibly studying and training harder to become heroes. Bakugou’s kidnapping was secretly your motivation for working harder than before. You could never tell anyone. It’d be a giant blow to your boyfriend’s pride and make him feel de-mascluinized. You knew it was a huge weight on him and no one had really helped him work through his feelings. Every day you did your best, but there was only so much you could do on your own.

Luckily, you understood pride. In fact, you hadn’t forgotten about the rematch you wanted against him. You were just waiting for Aizawa to conduct a sparring lesson. Both you and Bakugou had approached your teacher asking if you could fight each other, but your requests were consistently rejected. And despite Bakugou insisting that you should just break the rules if you really wanted a rematch so bad, you weren’t having any of that and you let him know quickly what was up. If you two were going to fight, you weren’t getting placed under dorm arrest for it and missing classes because of him.

It was a Friday when Aizawa announced that after lunch the class would be performing 1-on-1 battles. You could barely contain your excitement, practically buzzing from your seat with energy. Unfortunately, you were dejected as Aizawa explained that battles would be chosen at random and then follow tournament style where winners faced each other. A fight between you and Bakugou just couldn’t be easy, could it.

For the first round, the bottom 12 in the class fought and the six winners would move on to fight the top half of the class and thankfully that didn’t include you thanks to Bakugou’s tutoring. For your first round you had to deal with Mineta, who only made it because he had a BYE round from the luck of the draw. That little perv managed to stick one of his balls to your elbow and you got stuck to the ground while trying to slide away like a baseball player from his grabby hands, but you managed to palm his face and blast him, knocking him out and sending him flying into Iida’s arms. In the second round, you faced off against  Tokoyami who’s a total badass in your opinion. Dark Shadow was a nightmare. It was only because of your new super move and equipment updates that allowed you to store enough energy to win, but dousing Dark Shadow in bright blasts until he was too weak and catching Tokoyami off guard with a physical attack combo when he was blinded by light was the right strategy.

“Ready to do this?” you chirped, sending Bakugou a flirty wink before settling into a fighting stance.

“Hell yeah.” He wore a confident sneer.

“Remember, don’t hold back.”

“You don’t have to remind me.”

Aizawa sighed and crossed his arms, “Go ahead and begin.”

Bakugou let out a blast with his hands, rocketing himself at your figure. With quick thinking, you barely missed him with a rolling dodge, feeling the heat from his quirk lick at your skin. As he shifted to make another run at you while you were still on the ground, your hands extended toward him, firing off a powerful two handed blast that sent you both flying backwards in opposite directions.

He was faster to recover, so you turned and ran to create some distance. Noticing he was closing in, you pulled off a round-off at the last moment, serving him with two kicks to the chin before blasting him again when your feet touched the ground again. The two of you were relentless sending kicks and punches, bolstered by your quirks. Your match was a demolition man’s dream.

Unlike your other matches, there wasn’t time for shit talking. Instead it was filled with grunts and screams. The two of you were too busy keeping up with one another’s movements. You knew that if you started talking, you’d slip up and you figured he thought the same. He was never one to be quiet in a fight. It felt good to know he was taking this as seriously as you.

You thought you could gain the upper hand until both of your hands locked with his own. You could feel the heat from his smoking gloves. Quickly, you attempted to send a blast to counter him, knowing that you couldn’t pull your hands from his locked grasp, but his quirk’s functionality was quicker than your own and your blast wasn’t large enough, so you were sent flying across the training field, your arms blackened by soot and possibly singed skin, but you couldn’t think on it or your stomach would turn. Luckily your hands and arms still worked, confirming with a few small sparks you released, before you ran head on to serve your boyfriend tenfold for that move. Timing it, you sent a flying kick in his direction, using your quirk to propel your velocity and up the impact damage. It slightly pained you to see his expression as specks of blood few from his mouth, but you couldn’t stop; not when he wouldn’t either.

During that split second as you observed the blood leave his lips, you felt his hands lock around your ankles and a vicious smile instantly lit up his face. With a twist of his body, he spun around twice before releasing you, sending you flying high upwards above him and the rest of class. As you felt your body fly, you evaluated your current position and calculated your next plan of attack, absorbing as much light as you could in the process. It was bad, you still hadn't managed to fully overcome your quirk’s side effect so you needed to end this quickly. With a twist of your body, you free fell head first toward your boyfriend, hands glowing and ready as you counted down in your head.

With a battle cry, you pointed your hands at him and released your super move: Celebration. A flurry of lights continuously reigned down upon him, whistles and whirring sounds screeched and rocketed through everyone’s ears. You couldn’t see him anymore, but you knew you were hitting him. It wasn’t until the last moment when a hand emerged from your lights and the smoke that you realized  that hand’t been enough.

His hand blindly made contact with your face and he lit you up, blasting you parallel across the ground. You had barely opened your eyes when he ran up on you, swinging his fist. His knuckles skimmed your cheek, thanks to your quick thought of turning your face aside. A tree stopped your forward trajectory; a blessing and a curse. You didn’t have time to think, pulling yourself away and running back toward your classmates. You could see them talking about your fight, but you couldn’t understand what they were saying. All you knew was that you were extremely irritable and-

Were those your parents with Aizawa? Shaking your head, you blinked rapidly, the images of your parents fading away. This wasn’t good at all.

A rough yell from above you broke your wandering thoughts and you tucked into yourself rolling onto your back and raising your hands to blast him in the chest. You managed a shaky kick up and gathered as much energy into your hands as possible, running at Bakugou as fast as possible. He dodged your first punch and you managed to miss his as well. Your second punch landed and you used your quirk to blast him in the gut, but he suffered through it and locked your wrist in a viselike grip. Before he could punch you, you threw your free fist first at his face, but he caught it with his free hand and took your second blast.

It was this moment, with your faces so close, that you realized the gap between the two of you. You definitely did a number on him, but despite how much his arms must have ached, you were in the midst of a heat stroke and wouldn’t last much longer.

“Don’t be a jerk and hold back.” Your lips moved before your mind even comprehended what you were saying.

“Suit yourself,” he growled out. A head butt with two large blasts to your torso finally took you out. You could hear your classmate’s cries of disbelief as you lie on the ground motionless with your eyes closed. “Hey get up or they’ll think I killed you.”

Opening one eye, you guessed your expression must have really been something considering the way your boyfriend looked down at you. You were absolutely spent. You needed to get water in your system and cool down your body safely, ASAP, and you were pretty sure you were bleeding in a few places. Exhausted, you asked him to help you onto your feet. You wanted to throw up from your change in perspective, bracing against his strong shoulders and taking deep breaths as he walked you over to your classmates. Aizawa checked you over.

“Bakugou! She’s your girlfriend!”

“How could you be so brutal? You should have held back some.”

“Not cool!”

“Fighting like a villain again.”

You gently squeezed Bakugou’s hand, feeling some heavy emotions radiating from him. He pulled his hand from you, growling and turning away, getting ready for the final match against Todoroki. “She’s my girlfriend, not a weakling.”

Now that made you smile. It didn’t feel so bad to lose; you trusted he wasn’t holding back. Your eyes were gentle and seemed to sparkle as you caught him side-eying you. You smiled at your classmates. “If I thought Bakugou held back at all, I’d definitely break up with him.”

“Well congratulations, he didn’t. Your prize is a visit to Recovery Girl,” your tired eyed teacher spoke, motioning to Iida. As class rep and the fastest, he was told to take you to Recovery Girl’s office for treatment. She was shocked to see your blotchy red skin and beaten so badly - you had never had to visit her before outside of regular physicals the school had students do.

Iida got out of there as quickly as possible. The jerk could have stayed in solidarity. You had to sit through her tirade on being safe since you were just a student, knowing your limits, and getting help when you know you needed it. Her rant was so incessant you wondered if getting healed by her quirk was worth losing your hearing and mind over. In the end you were instructed to finish a gallon of water to rehydrate and rest for a few more hours until you recovered from your exhaustion.

For a few hours, you’d been sleeping soundly when you turned over, blinking awake. You froze momentarily before relaxing, realizing the head of blond hair belonged to your favorite King Explosion Murder. Sighing softly, you reached out and ran your fingers through his hair, surprisingly soft. Biting your lip, you held in your laugh as he nuzzled into your touch.

The door to the office opened and Recovery Girl walked in. She gave you a knowing look, glancing down briefly at Bakugou before scuttling off to her desk. “That young man showed up right after you fell asleep. Quite the quiet type isn’t he.”

Quiet type?

Bakugou?

You merely smiled at her. “Am I allowed to leave?”

The petite woman scuttled over to you and checked your temperature quickly. “Seems fine. Remember what I said to you today. Know your limits, you’re still a student.”

“Yes ma’am,” you acknowledged, turning back to your slumbering boyfriend. You pressed your lips to his ear and gently whispered, one of your hands rubbing his back to wake him up, “Katsuki, wake up; let’s go back to the dorm.”

He stirred and ruby eyes blinked sleepily at you. His usual pout settled onto his face and he pulled away, getting to his feet, hands shoved into his pants pockets waiting for you. Lying back, you stretched your limbs in relief before you slipped out of bed, pulling your shoes on. You offered your hand to Bakugou, but when he didn’t accept, you simply played it off, tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear before leading the way back to the dorm.

As the two of you walked the long path back to the dorm, you slowed your pace until you stopped, letting him pass you by a few steps.

“What’s going on with you?” you asked. He stopped walking, but didn’t bother turning around. You continued speaking, watching as his shoulders tensed and raised with every word you spoke, “Bakugou, seriously. Tell me what’s wrong, I’ll listen to you.”

“Would you shut up already,” he spoke, his shoulders dropping as he hunched over. His voice held no animosity, but it was evident something wasn’t right.

You were stunned for a moment, until you realized what he actually said to you. “Hey! Don’t tell me to shut up! Stop being a jerk and tell me what’s going on. I’m only concerned about you.”

“Then don’t be.”

“You idiot,” you yelled at him, swinging your hand down toward the side of his neck for a swift karate chop, but you didn’t make contact with his neck.

He easily caught your hand in his and with a simple motion pulled you toward him, turning in time for you to collide against his chest while his arms wrapped around you tightly. “Yeah, I am an idiot.”

“Bakugou,” you spoke into his chest, voice muffled.

“I lost against Icy-Hot. I was too busy worrying about you,” he admitted, his fingers gripping you a bit more tightly. You tried to escape from his embrace, but he only clung tighter to your form, trying to prolong this moment just a bit longer. “I can’t let that happen any more. I’m going to be the Number One Hero one day so I can’t get distracted. I’ve decided we’re over.”

At first you weren’t sure you heard him correctly, but you knew better than that. You heard him loud and clear. How dare he? How dare he blame you for losing? How dare he try to make this decision on his own? You felt your body begin to shake, angry, and without a second thought you managed to pull back enough to slam your face forward towards his own. His arms released you in shock as he reached up to grab his nose. Stumbling back a few feet, you placed both hands over your forehead, tears falling from your eyes. You weren’t sure if you were crying before or after the headbutt, but you didn’t think it really mattered anymore. You couldn’t even look at him now that you were free.

“You’re a coward! Why don’t you just think about getting stronger instead of coming up with shitty excuses for losing? Don’t blame other people for your problems Katsuki. If you want to break up then fine, we’re broken up, but just remember that you wanted this and you’re a moron to ask for it.” You couldn’t bare to stick around, quickly making your way to the dormitory.

Yaoyorozu was the first to run into you. You really must have been a sight because she dragged you off to the bathroom, forcing you to sit on the counter as she tended to your forehead. You were thankful she didn’t ask you any questions and left you alone after neatly applying a square bandage to your forehead. How embarrassing. By the time the two of you left the restroom, Bakugou had returned and Kirishima was pestering him about how he got his bloody nose.

Somehow, everyone in 1-A knew the two of you were over by the time homeroom started the next day.

Perfect.

[kyokushinpunk]

Martial arts and personal epiphanies

(tw : mental illness, child abuse)

This is a very personal post.

Have you ever thought “I’m not doing this right at all” at some point in your martial arts career ?

I spent my frustrating two months off the gym thinking about what was wrong with my savate. After three years, I was still too slow, leaving way too much openings, easily losing balance and mostly way too sloppy with the typical savate footwork.

Since I can only hit the gym about twice a week, I’ve turned to do cardiokickboxing in my room, changing stuff like knee strikes to chassés.

And I realized something during a workout that’s a big game changer for me.

I’m not a southpaw.

Since I started savate and even when I was practicing vovinam as a kid, I had a southpaw stance. I’m right handed and it felt natural to have my strong arm and my strong leg in the front : I can take more damage, they’re closer to my target so I can hit better / harder / faster, etc etc. But during the cardiokick workouts, I had to switch sides each 10 reps. And the more I progressed, the more I realized : when I take an orthodox stance, I am insanely more balanced, faster and precise, my form is better and my footwork feels liberated, light, I feel like I can actually move and put weight in my strikes. I realized I’m not a southpaw : I was DEFENSIVE. I had a defensive stance, always, taking damage and hits and not actually trying to attack, be offensive and go forward. I was making myself into a goddamn target and was basically just trying to take as much punishment as I could.

And this is something that touches deep into myself, my life and my personal history.

Without going into too much detail, I had a hard life. I’ve known abuse, homelessness, PTSD and I suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder.

One of the deepest issues that I have, besides the symptoms of BPD, is that I’ve been raised by someone with narcissistic personality disorder, and was groomed into becoming a personal punching bag (both physical and emotional). I grew up with the sole purpose of being someone’s way of feeling better through abuse of power. And I developed bad defensive reflexes that have propped up in every aspect of my life. I curl into an emotional ball, “grey rock”, go numb, and just take the punishment. It creeped into the dissociating of BPD (and I’m 90% sure it’s partly responsible for my bpd). It was one of the survival reflexes I had to develop.

Another was to lean exclusively on my strongest features to exist / escape. Diving head-on into my obssessions (music being the first). Relying solely on them because they made me feel safe and in control.

What the fuck does it have to do with martial arts and my boxing stance ?

EVERYTHING.

I’m right-handed, I play guitar and bass and drums right handed, this is definitely my strongest hand. This is the one I know I control. THIS IS WHAT MAKES ME FEEL SAFE. So what do I do in a situation where I’m taking physical hits, fast, to the head ? I put up what makes me feel safe, my strongest ally : my right arm. Parrying, hitting... It comes naturally because it’s a defensive reflex built for survival purposes as a kid, because that’s what  I would put up when they came at me with volleys of slaps and backhands with sharp rings... It’s not a martial arts stance, it’s a survival reflex. It’s defense. It’s tension. It’s my lizard brain telling me I’m in danger, while I’m supposed to work and think about what I do.

Why was I exclusively defensive, troubled with offense and attacks and never stepping in to attack, barely moving, not using my strongest, most stable leg to move more effectively and keep my balance especially in a martial art that is based on KICKS and knowing that’s my better point ? Because I had been groomed into NOT responding to attack. When your own parents come at you for physical violence, you’re just a kid. You don’t have enough strength to respond, so you learn to take the damage. You learn to do with the pain, you go numb, you escape and just take it all in. You know that if you dare to answer, they have ten times your strength and you won’t be able to do anything. And... that’s your family. You’ve been groomed by everyone and  everything to trust them and that they know what they’re doing. So going into savate, going willingly into some place where I took the same kind of physical damage I’d get while a child... everything came back. I took the damage, I put up my strongest arm, I gray rocked and became numb and got depressed by my low level, while still having so much fun everytime I got to spar, learning technique and history and meeting more people.

I’ve been boxing with an orthodox stance for the past week. Everyday. Rethinking my typical combos, my form. Everything makes so much more sense now. My one-twos are fast and precise, my rear leg kicks (which are now with my right leg) much more precise and DON’T THROW ME OFF BALANCE, I don’t get dizzy after spinning kicks because my head moves the right way, I’m lighter on my feet because my rear leg, more powerful, propels the rest of my body and gives me stability...

I’m allowed to attack. I’m allowed to defend myself. Hell, I am LITTERALY practicing a sport which is about hitting other people and they’re okay with it because they’re here exactly for that (how often have I told beginners this when they hit me hard :  “it’s ok, I’m here for that”). Everything I know about technique, not only savate but all the other things I learned through reading, observing, discussing, sparring, makes so much more sense in that stance, in an actual martial art stance, from the point of view of someone who practices a combat sport for fun and not someone who is defending himself for survival. Maybe that point of view was why I understood more savate défense ? Honestly, at that point, I don’t care.

I feel like I hit a true milestone in my understanding of both martial arts and myself. A fellow tireur once told me “La savate, c’est l’école de la vie.”. “L’école de la vie“ is a french expression that means “the school of hard knocks”, where you learn about life itself.

Practicing martial arts allowed me to harness my rage, basically cured the rage fits I had about everything (something acknowleded by my therapists). But today, it taught me something about my own life, something about myself, something deep that no therapy or medication could have taught me.

I met myself at a martial arts gym, and it made me a better person.

[thisiseverygirlsstory]

The countdown begins 

day 225:   Day 1 . Already begun to find ways to repair this busted heart.  Counting up to day 10 so I’m able to remind self “in life, wake up & do it all over again.”  There shouldn’t be so many days one must press in.  THEIR linear order I flip, and logic that destroyed all of it, by ALLOWING ME ONCE TO rearrange & redeposit all of it.  Just to see what happens?  

Colors fade to grey.  The only shade \ What rolls into folds of digital sheets \ The blinking light at 4AM is pretty neat \ Wondering where everyone’s attention’s been?  After we’ve made up ways to lose hope in a maze, calling it a failed “connection,” these subtle misdirections explain the necessity of experience in all its various reflections.  It’s felt.  So deal with the hand your dealt.  How to balance between the two?  Between something very bad & something you must trust so you don’t think, just do?  Impossible or wait, just hard to say | No boo-hoo, Somehow, Someday. No, someday, somehow & this is where I press in now...all my creative arts dispersed so just jump on every chance, never a need to rehearse, LIVE streaming is how ptsd memories WORK.

A new way to see old things 

a past picture to remind me while standing and waiting in line, all the problems with being in a market--where to start??  All the sensory & stimulus!!  So find a strategy:  trace the white lines.  Closing eyes, standing still, not having an outlet to move & head dizziness appears, oh shit, that feeling, gotta get out of here.  Hunched over & people look & you & react like, “What’s wrong with you!?”

Fell & no one helped, it was like that denial of safety thing--how many years doesn’t matter when PTSD places you right back in the feeling!  Of being left to die alone.  That connects to TRAUMA & the feeling of having to always roam...homelessness, mental illness, the things that EXIST but we can change all this!  Just because I QUESTION I’m treated like it’s okay to so easily dismiss...

Seeing visual lines & having control of what I’M LOOKING AT dampened the dizziness & allowed me to have MORE ABILITY TO MOVE head & “release”/increase ROM/move more & create TRUST of my body that this pain is going to be less.  Keep pushing... these were the private, quiet movements that made it SAFE to be on a mobile again, so no one is paying attention to you as you’re tracing lines to make the MOST SUBTLE HEAD MOVEMENTS you’ll never see

The power of STIGMATIZATION OF DIFFERENCE & use of HYPOCRISY to do the most devious things 

The abstract

It’s safe.

It’s safe?

These lines while waiting in line reveal how my eyes track until I see something that’s going to diminish the dizziness, it makes sense you have to safely get to where you’re going (yes, I said this!) 

The secret to life is to stop talking & get to showing.

Decided today March 22, 2018 | ...trigger is the guide & why I know the difference between “hide & hide”... | what was happening in 2000, one, five | Now can say IT without triggering which was the hope in order to start truly living since I’ve been asked a specific line of questioning about violence to the body & what have I been doing?

Documenting these PTSD memories & now I’m going to put them in the places they belong

Literally, they will just pop up where I drop kick them to the sky & wherever they fall, they fall

I just get out of the way, which is what I’ve able to do.  That’s my level.  Don’t make fun & put me down.  It’s different after head trauma & repeated acts of stigma that seriously related to greed & ignorance & individuals who have zero empathy & use cruelty to “get what they want” : it’s not that hard : there’s really evil people  the world. 

Correction today, March 23, 2018 | time does not make sense | What I’m going do do is what I’m going to do tomorrow since that is the one-two punch combo that I’ve been practicing.  Jab & upper cut. That’s it, one-two, one-two over & over until my muscles memory takes.  My body doesn’t work the same way.  Until my fingertips stop being so sensitive so I can recall passwords from a pattern.  

How do I know things are different?  

MANY things that FEEL differently.  I can describe them all instead of using one word for anything.  It’s “good,” “fine” & “over” but it’s not so “fuck off” and let me realize that the words I’m learning now create IMPACT in my body so honesty & dishonesty are felt really strongly.  Is that being bi-polar or having a body that doesn’t lie.  What feels good feels really good.  What is the worst, having to relive being physically battered and mentally pummeled by being lied to about safety that has my nerve on fire.  So hose it down, but wait, every day, every thing triggers having been my profession, my education & my identity as an authority in behavior since I was telling the grown-ups to do smelting about self-harming children who were curious about violence.  It was reported, over 100 acts of violence & yet nothing happened.  So my nightmares are having to relive violence unto children & then I realize it’s not just children, the ones who require the most care becuase they are the least likely to achieve those independent self-regulation skills that means they will have control & that means less behavioral issues & less stigma & less judgement & cruelty.  

The goal was achieved this month so it just took a while.  I’m not on anyone’s time schedule & that is the luxury of saving your pennies for a rainy 5-years.  What you build you get to keep.  I build a way to walls self-educate after tragedy since we’re learning every day.  HOW DID I FORGET THAT?

Just had to get stronger, physically & now that I am, my neck MOVES UP/DOWN & side-to-side, so I’ve regrouped in “safe spaces” with my family & even if they don’t realize their importance to someone who has been physically & mentally assaulted, it’s having nearness even though you don’t want to be touched in any way.  Once violence is done to you, it’s in the BODY & the only way to remove this nastiness is to get dirty with truth.

EXIT

Please think about what your truth is?  Even what it means to be asked ‘what is your truth’ and with anything please share as little or as much as you’d like.  Every time you choose to put out something good back & if you use energy for hate, just be warned, I think there’s more good people than evil.

day 224:

TODAY YOU STATE WHAT IS THE MOST FEARFUL THING FOR SOMEONE TO KNOW because the next question is WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT FEAR

To explain that is why your mind jumbles it off.  It’s helping you.  How do I know?  Been through this before, but didn’t know what it was.  See, it happened before & in adolescence, so that’s being IGNORANT

1st truth : I have nerve damage that affects sensations in my body that I manage through voice, movement, stretching & doing more rigorous activities like biking with strict rules for safety.  I will ride on the sidewalk, no ifs, ands or buts.  My body dictates my behavior much of the time but through help from my friends who remind me my body can’t always be in-control, I’ve learned to better manage nerve pain that makes you antsy since nerves like to glide.

2nd truth :  What to do what to do what to do what to do what to do what to do?!?!?

To explain how physical trauma FEELS means to go through it real time and reveal how I make no decisions because whatever I choose is going to have a consequence.  Demands for safety went unnoticed & then felt out ignored, the time wasted for the outcome, additional denial of safety and a physical disability that has literally changed my life, forcing me into a life of advocacy since as a former teacher IF YOU LEARN SOMETHING that can help others & a firm believer that charity is the only decent human-quality that clearly defines someone’s soul, since I learned something NEW I have to share & that has been what my time & energy has been spent on.  Trying to get strong to share...their shhhame...

trudging through snow, I just want to sweat not realizing that was what I needed but now, every time I hope for that & it happens 1/5.  It’s never known when I will sweat, the physical exertion not the indicator of effort since I could be sitting & typing & break into one, often my palms which makes me pretty happy since it’s reminding me my body is still trying to do what it used to without so much drama!  The sweat tells me to continue going to places.  Curiosity is the desire to want to see “new” things or be in “new” spaces, the problem with assault is it makes your world very small.  You don’t feel that subtle push&pull when stuck in the same space, just focusing on not triggering which is impossible so wasted a lot of time.  I should’ve been allowing the triggers out from the beginning but who thinks to do that?  It hurts so much & why you do CALL the people that have hurt you.  You do TEXT the person when it’s SAFE to contact since tech allows that filter & the survivor/victim gets the right to CALL THEM OUT 100% when the recognition of SHAME is PRESENT.  I spent so much time rejecting this amount of shame that I needed to sit with (years) just to be able to say, there is NO WAY I will be used as a punching bag in a space that MUST PROTECT ITS STUDENTS & EMPLOYEES.  That’s it.  It was not done & instead I witnessed how people effectively use emotion & denial to keep doing what they claim they’re not doing : adding to the problem.  This environment of fear that is stifling and mimics the life I was entering that was mostly imagery & jokes about a topic that I’ve grown to realize is often the motivator for anything in this world & how gross it is when people succumb to their greed & insecurities.  Fear wins when you stop GOING & DOING and these were the areas in life that I cherish most of all.  That’s freedom, to go & to do.  Everyone should have the opportunity to experience life in other times & places, transported through books, travel, culture, cuisine, we all have the potential to lead the lives we’re meant to if we’re able to innovate, imagine & create.  I’ve seen a sunrise over a different body of water my entire life, a tradition I’ve maintained when I travel & lately have incorporated in my hometown to make sure I always remember the significance of one’s birthday.  A special time that has to be felt post-tragedy since it will be different & this is what I’m trying to understand since this is what I lost--the ability to transition--so when I recall a rare view from a treehouse, the ability to return to that scene because every step to get there was felt in my body--the combination of self-awareness & nerve damage make me needy for sensation, but what I really want is one good sweat

3rd truth : every day is a reDO until I get sequencing, so one, two, three instead of “in the moment” the numbers represent a safe place to put a thought since everything is triggering after 12 years of education in a profession I took very seriously when violence was an every day thing & even before then as I found my students weren’t being taught : just accept there will be more DAY ONEs than any other number but once I get started & find that rhythm, it will be a flawless system as it was before.  Flawless because the thought & decision matches the outcomes since I make good choices that don’t hurt others needlessly

DAY 1 : Noting some changes in colors.  Eyes are fuzzy, blurry & not registering RED & GREEN.  Just read the word.  I see the D & A & I know that’s DECLINE & ACCEPT but why is not the same. TO DO  Make appointment with eye specialist & provide notes of what is happening.  Panic level : get information first & do everything that’s necessary to control symptoms.  Conclusion, could be side effect of Rx so get off Rx as soon as possible since responsible for lost 26 pounds & inability to sleep, concentrate, that buzzing in my brain, is seriously, the use of narcotics when the message has always been the same.  It’s the physical pain I’m trying to manage & in the meantime fight for my right to identify what is wrong in HEALTH CARE, since if when you lack KNOWLEDGE & SKILL, & EXPERTISE & EMPATHY, you simply can do real everlasting damage...

[passitonandon]

The purpose of keeping this private to ONE DAY SAY “I am a writer” and “an artist” and why was this so hard.  THE DENIA of safety means everything is questioned & why I make choices based on what I’ve learned.  

The past is beautiful again : TY #words

This being to relevant to everything, I’m going to make a connection fortify a new ring, circle, hoop, a record sings on replay, grateful now my mind words this way statements I can recall easily that have much more meaning, are the links to make the strongest bonds, the ones done covalently so taking this post with knowledge of writing it for the purpose over there, finding times I have to hold two thoughts, edit in my brain, push keys, stand still, have to think up words, like poof, in air!  Getting my voice is not done easily, going to try and explain this, easy 1, 2, 3 and it also quells the panic growing up in my, from he tingles in my face and spine, it’s like a solid rod I can’t define, if my butt starts to spasm I’ll lose my mind so put it over there & now go back SAFELY, go ahead, you can do it, push rewind.

Write a intro for the feeling “ in the moment” noting physical sensations starting with strongest felt (sharp, acute, burning) to less so (numbness, sensitivity to touch) and then good spots (often my legs feels sturdy)

Read what was written making editing comments : minimize to things you want to recall for later that can help e.g. emotional flared up, body pain became noteworthy, feel free to delete anything that is not relevant to right now or future or is readable or “clear” and has a purpose in keeping. 

Recall other moments when making choices were successful & try to connect something to make both memories stick so that you’re habitually feeling capable (this is the connection made to another dimension while manually doing it while conscious to see if it kicks more anxiety to the curb?” note: ever since someone said anxiety & ptsd are not related, I became terrified.  There is simply not enough knowledge on topics that big decisions are being made affecting lives.  Those making decisions seem to have the least empathy & if not sure if it matters, it does to lil lives every day in mini societies called schools.

The Past

When you feel like you have nothing, are nothing or unsure what meaning is, you can still offer kindness & beauty & you can start right now!  It cost nothing & effort is minimal.  We all require attention, care & concern.  Those most in need do see & feel the subtleties when others turn away, are talked about.  I know because to a disorganized/anxious/depressed mind, words are confusing & meaning’s felt first having been both advocate & patient--split between two worlds & at a time found myself somewhere in-between listening & watching the sh&#iest behavior unfurl.  I’m so glad that’s not me [I got out!].  More than putdowns & contradictions, but a topsy-turvy belief systems under the guise of protection and support.  Stating those words here is a strategy, to put it out there, let the body experience it, react & then one day, attack it hard--say what I want, knowing full well this is the direction to take--follow the triggers.  In my experience where students could not imagine themselves capable, smart or social, a little investigating revealed why skills would not stick & it isn’t that they were “low”--shhh, not being taught--when you see how ‘lil collaboration there is, you find yourself in your imagination, a lot thinking of ways to ensure self-advocacy sticks.  In some ways, doing this, living out loud (my ideas are private) is super easy in comparison!  Children [with or without special needs], the elderly, victims of abuse, homeless & the mentally ill rarely expect generosity, kindness & beauty, so with very ‘lil effort--a smile, a word, gifts in all shapes & sizes, deeds that SHOW protection, what’s the harm in helping them feel safe, emotionally/physically--oh yes, my experiences continues to shape me & the appreciation felt, a cycle of giving like no else, truly anything you can spare.  It will mean the world to them in ways that help self-motivate, increase self-reflections, a step in the right direction that being independent thinking & living, a life model that’s more give than take and less dependence on others & systems, too.  We ALL want to be seen for who we are, not taken care of, to me that sounds like someone is going to murder you.  (Oops, just showed a fear...)  That’s right, put them here & dampen the motherfu%ers out.

The content of what you say, how you say it, first impressions, effort & saying hello and goodbye still [or should] matter.  Words & emotions held in a delicate balance between what’s inside & that image, the outside, if not in line, a lack of harmony, peace cannot exist--how do I know?  Just listen & use your eyes (duh), you’ll see it.  Stress & deviousness.  Beauty is only skin deep?  It penetrates every part of me!  I know when I’ve been “unclean.”  It’s natural to make assumptions, our brains predictive, consciously & subconsciously processing information through the senses as we navigate our world---that place where my fears culminate, a combo of caustic experiences that happened “out there” or “in this environment,” the world is where people are.  Functioning has been altered in ways I cannot fully understand, nor describe, but that is life.  No boo hoo, in fact, I’ve learned so much about OT/PT/Vestibular & Vertigo, that I see exactly what my students meant, going back in the past, part of therapy to really identify these fears [make ‘em all real], so like any good teacher I made detailed notes.  Thank goodness I did.  It’s reminded me of the writer I was & why all their words--I can’t concentrate, my body hurts, my eyes don’t work!--makes sense & where stigma & judgement collide into an invisible stew that’s hard to stomach, but I’ll keep ingesting it.  That being a systematic approach (thank you Special Ed) 1/2 exposing myself to what’s most harrowing in my mind & causes the greatest physical reactions, 1/2 dreaming the biggest motherfu%ing dreams ever--getting through & over this--is what’s healing & since I am/was a teacher when you learn something new that can help, you share, and singe I don’t know what’s appropriate, I’ll use tech to do it, had to learn it, was way suspect since my privacy is everything, someone out there knew this/used this to CREATE more fear & shame.  The proof, I’m “on” it and it’s true, you can dampen ev-er-y-thing.

One thing I did that many people cannot is leave the country.  A safe place where they speak my language, but also familiar to me.  It’s where Poetry, Literature, Art & History come together & I rebuilt trust in a city setting, Chicago not that for me.  Triggers of these past years are ev-er-y-where--oh, when I share...I just want to make sure it feels good, right, doesn’t make the night come in, see, you must feel in control & no one can control anything except their own misery.  Memories are amazing-Wow!-brings me back there--walking through the Tate Museum I come across these wonderful words that concisely says what I feel, affects how I hear since it’s clearer, a model, a way to get these stuck thoughts out.  Take a photo.  Remind myself of that moment.  Revel in the sense of safety.  This is real validation, another theme having been around the “phony kind.”  This connection gave me back time because when you share an idea with someone whether you know it or not, you have participated in a moment that will never happen again.  A true connection that does not lie to my mind & body, a perfect fit that my senses, endocrine & nervous systems can’t argue with.

The Topic I can’t Wrap My Head Around Comes Out in Ebbs & Floe`

So many thoughts that used to comfortably roll & slide in my mind, now collide, events send me spiraling in either direction, too high/too low, the goal I’m told is to be made whole--how about just be safe and prevent more harms from happening?  I accept accidents do happen, giving those who made decisions & acted on them the biggest benefit of the doubt that they did not intend, but when you keep doing it, are you really going to ask me to pretend?  Learn from tragedy please, that’s the point of ED & it’s practical, so for the next time.  At the very least, what happened to me won’t happen again, but then I see, it’s the continual scheming, repeated lying to one’s face, a boundary I didn’t think [some] people could cross, those being the ones who make choices to say “I protect,” we’re a “family.”  Good grief!  These words/themes are everywhere in life, in stories, on TV, shopping, in loops, and then all the memories of being a “team” player, ok ok, yes you must do things to sure the greater good, just make sure the goal is fully understood by all since that’s when lies are cerated, my parents always told me eventually you won’t be believed & now with memory, I don’t have a need (what am I trying to say?) it’s storage, the capacity, the rule being, whatever comes up comes out.  To say it, finally, having listened to myself for over 2 years with these fragmented sounds/words/noises, to just get it out is why I have to scream & shout now--How [some] people can never re-structure after trauma with so many re-triggers & why this task seems insurmountable but I never shied away from a challenge.  Those who really know me know that very well.  

The way I see the world is different, a combination of Music, Poetry, Science, Education, History, Philosophy, Art, pieces or shards, some painful, some not.  I trust my feelings finally, they will dictate everything.  The decisions I make, not able to trust a mind that’s been jostled a little too hard lately & why I am thankful for my philosophies, the ones in place from long ago.  If don’t have a way to be moral, that part of decision-making you should figure it out fast (you never know) when a tap on the head, punch/kick to the face is going to change all the rules--a displacement of past tools.  For me, it’s simple.  Go back to Nature.  Go back to School!  Morality & Mythology, Stories show us how to live, the benefit is we get to do it vicariously & the past, where there were REAL fears.  Living every day in darkness, death, daily tears, suffering to body, mind, spirt, no rights, no luxuries, then I walk these streets & see things that will never be okay with me. 

Your body will tell you exactly what you need & if given the opportunity try the benefits of offering yourself to another through beauty & kindness, to anyone, really.  How did we lose our imagination?  Was it back in school when that teacher told us we couldn’t do whatever it was we were putting our minds to?  A parent who put us down, left town, growing up doesn’t mean you stop showing up.  A relationship who treated us a little too rough?  Embarrassment, shame & fear are powerful weapons for some & if you are stuck in loops or using strategies that you know aren’t the right ones, there’s a way to stop.  It’s a deliberate mindfu*k, you have to prove to yourself you’re greater than what you’ve been forced to put on that shelf.  See, to me, if you do not, you could be missing some great adventures or discovery that such close-minded thinking prevents any possibility for curiosity to spring, it’s all about the seeds you sow and that is unacceptable.  Keep writing, keep striving, keep thriving in the ways that work for your unique special heart.  Sing, dance, play, draw, make goals, eat well, love much, whatever you choose to do, never..stop...making...art, never stop being in-touch.

source:  The Village Voice;  Edge.org;  Oprah.com;  USLegal.com

[misselko]

Got this idea from Dimitri’s conversation with Byleth before Fort Merceus battle with the Death Knight. Put some angst, fluff, and a pinch of smut spices into the dish and let it simmer down! At least, that’s what I want! But it turned out... different ;) Sorry not sorry

Please kindly leave some of your comments or ideas for my next fic! Your warm and loving words gives me energy to write more!!

RECKLESS

Genre: Angst, Fluff

Warnings: Mention of blood, violence, a little smut

Words: 3316

 

POST TIMESKIP

Empire will be the only remaining enemy and to move on to the Imperial Capital, Enbarr, capturing Fort Merceus is a must. Praised as the strongest defense with its fortified military installation  in the Empire, seizing it won’t be an easy feat.

Liberating Arianrhod, calming down Holy Kingdom of Faerghus political issues, winning over the Leicester Alliance and gained their support. Getting a lead on Lady Rhea’s location. Although things were a rough go, but thinking back on it now, Blue Lions sure has really come a long way. Things have been wonderful in these past moons that it almost feels like dream too good to be true.

You don’t know why but you can’t shake your uneasy feelings and dread. War is raging and everyone knows there is a big battle on the horizon.

“We must not falter in our assault. The Death Knight is the enemy commander in Fort Merceus. He’s an unpredictable opponent. A dangerous one. Please proceed with caution, (Y/N).”

“I will, Dimitri. No need to worry.”

“I have not come this far just to lose you here. I’m serious. Do not be reckless out there.”

“Will you save me if I’m in trouble?”

“Of course, (Y/N). You were the heart of the Blue Lions, and the same holds true for the Kingdom Army.”

You smiled at his concern and hold his hands gently.

“I will do my best as well to support you, my Dimitri.” His cheeks turned into rosy blush at your words.

 

“Whoaa!! You’re getting pretty chummy, aren’t you, Your Highness? Go get a room!” Sylvain winks and got punched HARD, dragged away by Ingrid. You make mental notes on giving her a delicious roasted meat from that famous new shop in the town later as your gratitude. Serves him right!! ...But you wouldn’t trade them for anything in this world. Everything will be alright with them. Blue Lions are your precious family. It will be fine. Everything will be fine.

---

Capturing Fort Merceus is a daunting task. Endless enemies are approaching and relentless. Felix and Sylvain are working together cut through the snipers and mages. Ingrid and Ashe are doing their best to handle the pegasi knights. Dedue, Annette, Mercedes, and Flayn makes great combo on cutting through enemy reinforcements while providing healing to everyone. Slowly but sure, you and Dimitri managed to push Death Knight on the corner. But it doesn’t make things less difficult for both of you.

 

“You dare stand between me and my pleasure?”

The beginning of it was barely a bellow that grew steadily to a deafening roar, piercing the air and shaking the ground. Areadbhar crack in deafening clash against Death Knight’s Scythe of Sariel. They raised their weapons, waving them overhead.

 

“Yes. I dare stand against you, Death Knight!!”

 

Dimitri decides to face Death Knight head on as you tried your best to keep his back safe from the Imperial soldiers assaults. Keeping a close eye on him... just in case, following from a few meters back, cover his blind spots that way, look out for any potential danger. You could see them coming around, carefully and quietly trying to find their way to Dimitri.

 

Landing sharp blows, you bring the blade down on the head of another mage. Slashing your way through numerous enemies, you start to feel fatigued. Countless enemies lying dead behind. You looked around, among the sea of red and black, a swordmaster is sneaking his way behind Dimitri, ready to ambush him.

 

But you wouldn’t let it happen!

 

You were fully offensive, rapidly swinging your sword down on the swordmaster. You were able to deflect, parry, and block most of his attacks until his foot swept across your ankles, knocking you hard to the floor. The swordmaster stood above you, ready to press his sword into your chest to end your life. Fatigue made it harder for you to evade his deadly stab completely. Sound of a weapon piercing through flesh filled your ears, followed by an intense pain in your side. He pulled it back out with a triumphant smirk on his face. Despite the searing pain, you made it in time to grab your own weapon and thrust it up to his neck, your arms shaking as you tried to counter the weight of his attack. Grimace crossing your face as he fell, blood painting the earth a sick shade of red.

 

You sat up, wincing at the searing, burning hot pain on your side. The stab wound was way too deep. Your hands trembled, desperately attempting to put pressure on the wound as heavy flow of your blood is trickling through your fingers, colors your skin and clothes. The world had turned blurry, and your body felt weak. Ignoring the excruciating pain, you rush forward to help Dimitri. He has won against the Death Knight. But in his brief reverie, the Tempest King failed to notice two opposing snipers are approaching him, expression intent to kill, aiming their arrows at his back.

 

You acted on instinct, rushing forward, sprinting to intervene. To protect him.

‘We have been through so much together and he’d been through hell and back... I want to ease his pain. Knowing he’s safe... I can be at peace.’

You thought to yourself, launching forward. You barely has energy to stand up, but you tried to muster your last remaining strength to dove in before Dimitri. The arrows managed to easily make it’s way through your armor, landing in your chest and abdomen. ‘I have no regret when it came to protecting Dimitri.’

 

Your body slammed hard on the ground, careening across the battlefield. A sharp cry pained noise escaped you; that was all it took. Dimitri stiffened at the sound. It pulled him from the high of the battlefield down to reality in an instant.

 

“(Y/N)!!!”

 

He turned; filled with horror and rage. The fires blazing around him didn’t give off any heat. The battlefield around him turned black and white. His ears were ringing as if he’d been caught in an explosion. Dimitri went after the snipers and thrust them both at their hearts. After a quick glance to make sure no more surprise attacks happen, he kneels and pulling you into his chest. You looked so small, felt so limp that it sickened him. Broken and battered with littered scars and large wound on your side. Arrows jutting out of your chest, much too close to the heart, and another one lodged deep in your abdomen.

 

Dimitri watched as the blood pooled around you. Blood... there is so much blood. Your blood.

“Goddess... what were you- MERCEDES! FLAYN!! SOMEONE...HELP!!”

 

He pulled himself up, beside you, staring at your face. You were so pale. Oh, Goddess, you were dying. Were you already dead?

 

“I’m sorry.” There isn’t a reason to apologize, you aren’t sorry, but it still came out like the blood that is on Dimitri’s hands now.

 

“Don’t you dare apologize to me right now,” his voice choked off in his throat feels raw with emotions, barely able to hold back the sob which demands to escape, “not when you are like this. What were you thinking, (Y/N)? You have promised me to not be reckless.” He phrased it in a question, but both know why.

 

“Y-You... haven’t seen the... swordmaster... and those snipers. Y-You...were going to die...if they attack you. I want to protect you.... and I don’t regret my decision.“

 

You opened your mouth to speak but immediately coughed, feeling globs of blood on the corners of your lips. Dimitri gripped your hand, his hold so tight that it hurt, but you wouldn’t waste your breath on telling him. You could barely see Mercedes scurried over to your side as quickly as she could, Flayn follows behind her, leaving the Death Knight behind with tears running down her cheeks.

 

“Please stay awake for me a little longer, please.”

He choked out, pulling you closer if possible as it would keep you from leaving.

 

The chaos around you went mute as your eyes grow heavy. Maybe a quick nap would suffice.

 

“No...no, no, (Y/N)!! You can’t do this to me, you can’t-! Please, (Y/N), I can’t lose you too.....”

 

You felt like you were fading, and the sounds around you faded along with your hazy consciousness. You fell asleep.

---

Every second was filled with anxiety; you’d lost so much blood. The wounds were too deep to heal completely. There was little to no possibility of survival. Not after what you’d been through.

The days turned to one week, then two...then three. The physical wounds had healed, mostly repaired and faded to scars. There was potential for things to return to normal, and you may wake up sooner rather than later.

When you opened your eyes again, you found yourself in a dimly lit room, your upper body covered in bandages. The first thing you’re aware of is a dull throb radiating throughout your entire body. You were confused, and moved your head, unintentionally shifting your body and sending a wave of pain through your chest and stomach as you tried to get up. You closed your eyes tightly in response to the return of extreme pain, much worse than you had ever felt before. With much struggle, you sat on the edge of the bed shakily trying to stand up. The door creaked open and you looked up to find Dimitri peering inside.

 

”You’re awake,” he said, a look of surprise on his face. You tried to stand up and walk to him but failed, Dimitri ran in and caught you before you fell over. “I thought I was going to lose you, (Y/N),” he said, lifting you up effortlessly, settling you gently onto the bed and pulled up a chair. 

 

As cautiously as you could, you managed to sit yourself up. You kept a careful eye on the young king, noting how dark the circles under his eyes have become and how hollow his cheeks have turned. The fact that rest had eluded him for however long you were unconscious was as plain as day.

 

“You nearly died because of me. I have no right to be... you of all people shouldn’t-!” He managed to say, his voice shaking as his fingers trembled.

His head shot up to look at you, cerulean blue eyes dampened by tears that pooled in them. Your eyes were open, though weakly, looking at him and his disturbed state. You sensed his worry, but also his relief as he hovers next to your bed, engulfing you in his embrace and squeezing you against his chest for all he was worth. He was mindful of your wound, but that wasn’t enough to keep him away. No, he needed you. He needed to be beside you, to feel you, to know you were there.

 

“I’m okay, Dimitri...” You whispered, resting a hand on his chest where his heart thundered. You closed your eyes against him, relishing the feel of his tender warmth.

 

You felt how hard and rapid his heart was beating, almost deafening. Your arms wrapped around his heaving back weakly, rubbing it soothingly. He pulled you closer in response—closer, closer, closer, until every inch of you was smothered by him. Hesitant, trembling fingers graced your tightly wound bandages and you felt something warm and wet splatter onto your exposed shoulder.

 

"I could not stand to lose you,” he spoke slowly, holding your hands so tight that it hurts.

“But I fear that I may if I tell you what is on my mind.”

 

His voice was as quiet as it could be and it made you frown your eyebrows in worry. You were happy to see him alive, that was your goal when you decided to protect him from the approaching enemies. However, seeing him so distraught and afraid twisted your insides uncomfortably. The way he held your hand so desperately, afraid to let go.

 

“Dimitri.” You call him quietly, which makes him look at you with those gorgeous eyes of him.

 

You move your hand to his cheeks, caressing his soft skin, trying to bring him even the tiniest amount of comfort. Leaning to give him a soft chaste kiss on his lips. He reciprocated by open-mouthed kiss you with such fervor. There’s an undercurrent of desperation in the way Dimitri kisses you, as if this is the last moment he’ll ever feel it. It’s almost as if it pains him to be this close to you. You were alive, yet he couldn’t help but doubt it. Perhaps it was once again due to the vicious noises he still heard, though faintly. However, he was glad that they allowed him this moment of happiness.

 

“I won’t leave you, Dimitri.” You promised between ragged breath, your chest heaving.

 

“We are so close to ending this. Please, promise me you’ll stay safe. Rest, for now, my beloved.” Leaning down, he pressed a lingering kiss to your forehead, holding your hand to his chest. “I promise, I will never let you be hurt for my sake again.” Covering you with a  blanket  and tucking you into bed to retire for the evening.

 ---

After your awakening, the Blue Lions and Professor began incorporating regular infirmary visits into their schedule. They showered you with kind, encouraging words and occasionally bore small gifts (flowers and snacks), always encourage you to get better soon. But your most frequent visitor of all was your beloved gentle king.

It was two weeks since you have gotten better. Mercedes promised to take care after your bandages this evening.

“Are you ready, (Y/N)?”

You met Mercedes’ warm gaze with your own. With a firm nod, you replied, “Ready as I’ll ever be, Mercedes.”

 

The healer moved closer to you, her skilled hands undoing the set of bandages for the last time. Dimitri averted his frantic eyes to the wall when the dressing loosened just enough for your breasts to peak through. A cold, unforgiving breeze whipped the newly exposed skin, jolting a shiver down your spine. Mercedes sighed, slowly traced the scars your chest and stomach.

“I’m sorry but we will never be able to remove the scars. The wounds all healed, but... the scars will never go away completely. I’m sorry (Y/N).”

 

Your eyes immediately flashed over to Dimitri’s stiffening frame.

“It’s okay. I will never regret such a thing.” You smiled, tucking a lock of hair behind your ear.

“Do you need anything else, (Y/N)?”

“No, I’m all good, Mercedes! Thank you for your help.”

“All right, then. Annette said that she needs my help with her baking this evening. We have to finish it before midnight! Should you need anything, please feel free to call me.” Mercedes gave you last smile before excusing herself politely from your quarter.

 

“Dimitri.”

His jaw clenched tautly; his eyes crunched into a pain-stricken wince. Refusing to look at your scar, a harsh reminder of his failure.

“Look at me.”

He stilled and won’t budge to look at you.

 

“I will never regret nor blame you for this. It was my decision and if it means saving you, I’ll gladly do it again in a heartbeat. Or... perhaps.... I can understand if you find that my... scars are disgusting, appalling, even....” you whisper softly, almost inaudible. Your surroundings whizzed right past you before you were unceremoniously slammed into your bed.

“DON’T SAY SUCH THINGS ABOUT YOURSELF!!” He growled “I will not allow you to throw your life away for me. If.. If something ever happen to you.. I’ll live a life worse than death itself, (Y/N).”

 

Not a moment later did you feel something warm and soft press against your lips. His mouth moved awkwardly yet full of affection. Hands planted  on either side of your body, ridding any hope of escape from his ravishing kisses. Dimitri pressed his lips further into yours, swallowing your moans. His lips left yours to trail down around your neck, breasts, and stomach lovingly. “This wounds... I cannot lose you again, my beloved.” His body quivered.  The King kissing the scars on your cleavage and abdomen, worshiping them reverently with tender touches, almost like touching a porcelain doll. Afraid to break you with his almost inhuman power. Biting and sucking wherever his heart desired until you were covered in nothing but love bites, leaving you a panting mess.

 

Dimitri held you in his arms, stroking your hair and mumbling whispers of ‘I’m sorry’. Bittersweet smile formed on his lips. He gazed at you, eyes lidded with desires and need, mixed with guilt and love. “(Y/N)... My beloved...” You pulled away slightly to look up at him and smiled.

“Dimitri...” You cupped his cheek in your hand, in which he immediately melted into.

“I love you, Dimitri.”

 

He blushed at your words, then it dawned on his realization. Suddenly becoming very aware of the... intimate position you were in. “Um, w-well...” As he came to his full senses he released his hands from you, as though from fire and stuttered, quickly pulling away from your panting form. He wasn’t making eye contact anymore, and you followed his gaze downwards on your body. Oh. Without the dreamlike stupor a d hazy feeling to distract you, you realized just how naked you are. Nightgown pooled beneath your waist. Feeling an onset of bashfulness, you also brought an arm up to cover as much of your chest as you could; despite what you had just done with him, the reality of the situation was catching up to you.

 

He flinched, breaking eye contact and rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.

“Ah—Urghh!!! I’m sorry, (Y/N)!! I don’t know what came over me but.. but... P-Perhaps we should... stop... before it escalates any further...” The King unclasped his furred cloak hurriedly and put it over your naked body unceremoniously, hiding his flushed crimson face in his hands again, absolutely brutalized with shame. 

 

“Er.. Be certain to rest for now. We may have undone some of your healing.” Then he said hurriedly, almost inaudibly. “When your strength returns to its fullest, we can pick up where we left off. I promise.”

 

“Fine...” You giggled, finding his attempt at being serious too adorable. The heat and passion was still very visible in his eyes, and it was obvious that anymore teasing on your end would send him over the edge.

“Thank you for this lovely evening, Dimitri.”

You pulled his hand to your lips and give each of his fingers soft kisses, gazing at him lovingly. Dimitri’s jaw and pants tightened, the poor King desperately clinging onto the last thread of sanity and reason which threatened to snap at any moment.

 

“Good night, my beloved (Y/N).” Casting one last glance at you and bashfully looking down when he caught your eye, the Blue Lions Leader left with a haste that was probably unbecoming of a gentleman, his long legs taking the steps to the second floor dormitory two at a time. He somehow,  somehow  managed to reach his room without incident or interruption, locking his door behind him, leaning back against it and covering his burning red face with his hands. His body felt like it was on fire; nerve endings alight with sensations he had long believed were dead.

 

The pit of his stomach tangled in knots when he thought of (Y/N). All he could think about was your pure unadultered love, beautiful (E/C) that is gazing at him affectionately. Goddess, he was such a sinner. It made him want to put his hands on you. All over you. Repeatedly. Savoring the taste of your lips as  you moan into his mouth. Feeling your warmth and love. Unclothed. His mind is running wild. This frantic sensation in his blood, while half-forgotten, was not new. It will be another sleepless night for the poor king. And it’s all because of you.