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pluviophile-bookworm · 3 years ago

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I feel like I need to talk about this...

I’m very open about being aroace. At least here on Tumblr I am. (Outside of Tumblr, I am technically out, but some issues with my mother and grandmother have forced me back into the closet. I felt miserable about that initially, but I’m learning to be fine with it.) But it wasn’t always this way. In fact, I didn’t even know what aroace meant until I was 18. So how was I supposed to know when I got my first ‘celebrity crush’ that those last words do not, in fact, describe very accurately what I was experiencing? I didn’t know I had ADHD, either. I feel like that might have helped me realise some things about my experience. But let me go back a bit and actually tell you what happened and how it happened. [side note: I’ll be starting from a bit earlier than the ‘crush’ thing happened because I feel like it’s important for whoever reads this to understand how my circumstances shaped the experience I had]

Backstory:

I had always been different from my peers, so it was not surprising to anyone that I was bullied in middle school. [side note: Judging from my and my little brother’s combined experience, I feel like bullying is, quite unfortunately, something of a universal experience in middle school - in my day, I was on the receiving end. This last school year, my brother was the bully. Gosh, I wish I could tell my story without many deviations and without crying as I type, but I’ve already thrown both of those intentions out the window.]

So anyway, things got so bad that I was driven to suicidal thoughts. One night I was just lying in bed, thinking about going through with it, but I was like, well, I’ve got a test in the morning. Maybe after that. 13-year-old me had very weird priorities. I kind of still value my work over my mental health, but I’m working on it. So that night, I didn’t do anything. The next day, right before school, I was on the internet and I found out a new show had premiered. And then, as I was watching the pilot episode, that was when it happened. I saw this boy, whom I will not be naming, and I listened to him sing. I felt nothing much at the moment, but I couldn’t get the song out of my mind all day. Up until that moment, I had had a weird attitude towards music where I’d only listen to female singers. My ‘boys have cooties’ phase, I guess you could say. But this one, he was the first one I didn’t mind at all. In fact, I felt like I could listen to his voice 24/7. I’ve had that feeling hundreds of times by now, but I hadn’t before then. So I figured, this must be what a crush means, right? This must be what all my peers are talking about. The next day, I confided in a girl from my class with whom I was kind of friendly (though not actual friends, I’d say). I asked her if she’d seen the show, if she knew this person. She said yes and we kind of gushed about the song together, and I felt normal for a couple of minutes. I never knew the difference between my experience and what is considered ‘normal’ until years later.

For the time being, the thought of this special person was what was keeping me alive. I started having visions of him walking with me through the school hallways or sitting next to me on the bus home from school. I knew perfectly well those visions weren’t real, but they made me feel better. Happy. Safe. Seen. Full disclosure: I still have such visions, I’ve had them with different people through the years as my hyperfixations change. My latest one is what has enabled me to deal with some of my worst phobias (and I have a long list of them). I’ve never told anybody what it is, and I won’t be telling because I feel like if I do tell, the vision will not be strong enough to work against my fears. But I’m getting sidetracked again. Sorry for that.

So, I was pretty much obsessed with this guy. He was all I could think about, he was keeping me alive through what was possibly the toughest time in my life to date. So naturally, thanks to my heteronormative, amatonormative surroundings, I was convinced I had a crush on him. In fact, after this experience had lasted about a year, I was sure I was in love.

Then things changed. I started high school. I found a couple of friends, and the people in my class in general made me feel like I could finally be myself. Be open about what I thought and how I felt. So by the end of the first semester, all 27 people in my class knew about my feelings for this guy. What I didn’t know was that they didn’t know that it wasn’t exactly like I was describing it. Because I wasn’t aware that a straight/ allo person’s idea of being ‘in love’ was different from mine. I was just putting things in words I thought I understood.

So it came as a total surprise when some people from my class started teasing me about it. It wasn’t malicious teasing, that much I could tell. I had been bullied mercilessly before. What my new classmates were doing was asking genuine questions in a slightly teasing manner. For example, it would be known that my special person had a girlfriend, and so they’d ask me ‘aren’t you jealous’ or ‘do you wish you were that’, or stuff like that. And those questions felt so weird. So stupid. I thought, wait, why would I be jealous? Why would I feel bad about this person who has made me so happy, being happy himself? Why would I want to date him? That had nothing to do with how I felt. I told my classmates so. They gave me weird looks in response. So I started feeling like there was something wrong with me. Like I wasn’t doing that ‘in love’ thing right. Suddenly, I felt like my feelings were being intruded upon. Tarnished, somehow. I had always been aware that my visions were anything but real. But I wouldn’t have it any other way. And all of a sudden, somebody was suggesting that I should want to date this person. Why would I want to date anyone, I thought? Even if it was him. Dating people was awkward. Making physical contact with anyone outside my immediate family made me shudder. It still does, though I can hug some of my closest friends without any negative feelings. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Back to my first time I questioned my experience. I was about 14 at the time (in Bulgaria, high school starts from grade 8, ages 13-14 or 14-15), and, well, I didn’t do much questioning at the time. I just told myself that they didn’t understand my feelings, and I stopped being so open about the topic.

My hyperfixation on this person lasted long. Longer than any other I’ve ever had to date. Maybe it was because I clung to it like it was what tethered me to my mortal life. But by my final year of high school, I could feel it fading away. I was forcing myself to think about this person, to conjure up the old visions; the song that had started it all was drained of all meaning that it had held for me. I was moving on to other hyperfixations. I felt like I was betraying myself, like I was breaking some sort of unbreakable vow. It was time to face the music. So I let go. I allowed myself to move on. It was kind of made easier by the fact that my special person had changed, too, and had moved on to projects that I could not enjoy due to some triggering content. And I moved on.

Then I joined Tumblr. I discovered some things. Among them was Hellenic polytheism. It had been a while since I’d found my faith in the Hellenic pantheon, but Tumblr was where I found out I was not alone, that there was an existent religion. And step by step, I realised that... I had been projecting Apollo’s presence onto my special person. And my old connection to that person had started fading away when I had realised I believed in the gods.

This explained a lot of things. But there was still the fact that I had never been able to look at another person the way my peers were looking at each other. I had been asked out two or three times during high school. I had rejected those people without even thinking about it. My best friend at the time was a boy and most teachers seemed to ship us together because, well, let’s be real - we were constantly fighting like an old married couple. It took him getting a girlfriend and seeing how happy I was for the two of them for everyone to realise that things between us were, and had always been, purely platonic. And now I was going to uni and I had never had feelings I was apparently supposed to have.

It was also thanks to Tumblr that I discovered the extent of the LGBTQ+ community. I considered myself an ally at first, and I was a passionate ally, too. I still am nothing but supportive to my fellow LGBTQ+ people of all identities, but it was not until I was 18 going on 19 that I discovered the term ‘asexual’. I knew quite suddenly that this was the term for me. I knew what I was and how I felt. I felt mature enough to know the difference between ‘I’m not experienced enough to know for sure’ and ‘I’ve just never had those feelings, I don’t even know what they’re supposed to be like’. It took a bit longer to find out there was a difference between sexual and romantic attraction, but by the time I was 19, I had proudly labelled myself ‘aroace’. I still feel at home with this label. I am completely open to the possibility that it might change with time, but this is what feels right at this time.

Fast-forward another couple of years to about 8 months ago. I had always known that I got really invested into stuff - shows, books, hobbies, people - only for that investment to wear off after a time. The timespans varied, but I realised I had experienced this ever since I was in pre-school at least. I didn’t have a term for it, though. And then, all of a sudden, Tumblr started offering me posts tagged ADHD. I could relate to maybe 95% of them. At one point, it felt like whatever algorithm this hellsite operates on was shoving the ADHD posts in my face, as if screaming ‘DOES THIS REMIND YOU OF, WELL, YOU?!!!’ in my ears. So I did some tests. I did a lot of self-reflection. I went to a psychiatrist. I was diagnosed in March. I started educating myself on the terminology and found out that what I was experiencing is called hyperfixating. So here I am now.

Here I am now, reflecting back on my experience from 8 years ago, connecting the dots. Realising what it was that I went through, allowing myself to go through it again, with different things and people. I don’t feel the need to cling to hyperfixations anymore because I know that is what they are and I know I can’t keep them forever. Of course, I do feel bad about stopping caring about something that used to be my light and life for a time. I dread the time I’ll get over my current hyperfixation, but I also know it’s inevitable. My ADHD brain needs the change and it happens naturally. And somehow I’m ok with that.

Well, this is it. This is the story of how Tumblr prompted me to discover aspects of myself that have been there for as long as I can remember. What better place to talk about it than Tumblr itself? What better group of people to understand and accept me than my lovely mutuals and followers? If you’re reading this, thank you. For being here, for listening to me, for allowing me to be who I am. You’ve got no idea how happy this makes me, even though I can barely see what I’m typing through the tears. Thank you.

#personal #jnk #asexual #aromantic #aro #ace #aroace #adhd #hellenic polytheism #tw: suicide #tw: bullying

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davidthetraveler · 6 years ago

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David’s Thoughtful Thursday: Famders and the Issue of Fandom Toxicity

So, the other day my friend asked me about my Top 5 things I like about the Thomas Sanders/Sanders Sides fandom, and what I put as number one was the community that makes up the fandom. But I didn’t go into much detail, because I realized it could be the perfect first entry into a new series I’m starting on here called David’s Thoughtful Thursday, where I’ll be discussing a particular topic that I’m passionate about and wish to share my thoughts on. So here are my thoughts on the Famders as a community.

So, one of the things I’ve noticed about us famders is that, compared to so many other fandoms, we are a surprisingly stable and nondiscordant group. We have our disagreements, of course, and we don’t always remember the lessons we’ve learned from our dear Thomas about how to treat each other. But when you set us next to other fandoms and communities, we seem like an island of calm in the midst of a raging hurricane. I’ve thought about it for a while, and I think there’s a number of reasons that we look like such a beacon of hope amongst the fan communities, and it all starts with

Our Dear Thomas

Let’s face it, Thomas is a living ball of sunshine and rainbows (in more ways that one). He goes out of his way to try and make people smile and loves with his whole heart. He’s not mean, he’s not snobby, he’s not even aloof (though he should probably be a tad more discreet about some things). He shares himself with us, and never asks for anything more than what we’re willing to give in return.

But he’s not without his flaws. He worries about his place in the world. He has issues with his bodily appearance. He deals with anxiety and stress and bad sleep schedules. He has an ongoing issue with not feeling worthy of the praise he receives for the work he does. And all of this makes him more relatable to the common people, and helps us to see him not as a celebrity (though he is one for sure), but as someone just like. A young man doing his best to live his dream in a world that doesn’t always act the way we want it to.

He does his best to stand as an example for us, and I can think of no better way that has become so ingrained in our community than in our

Consensual Compromise

Let’s face it, with as large a group as the famders have become, it’s no surprise that a number of issues have divided us. The fact of the matter is that statistically speaking we were long overdue for a fandom split. So it should come as no shock that something as simple as a new character would divide us so completely.

Yes, we’re talking about Deceit.

Deceit’s introduction left our entire community in a state of shock before the inevitable clash of ideas began. As soon as we recovered, different camps began to form based on individual character interpretation. Some saw Deceit as the new villain, taking the old role Anxiety had. Those individuals focused on his manipulative tendencies and the lies he surrounded himself in. Others saw him as a neutral party, neither bad nor good, simply an ambiguous part of Thomas’ psyche, focusing more on his task of self-preservation. And then there were those who immediately adopted him, calling him misunderstood, and saying he was just doing his job, not being a villain.

Suffice it to say that there was a fair deal of conflict involved in trying to reconcile these different views into a single fanon narrative. And in the end, we were unable to. But while there was some discourse in the beginning, eventually we all mutually agreed that, despite some people’s interpretations, Deceit’s portrayal within the video represented something that negatively affected members of our community and could be considered a trigger for them. So a compromised was mutually agreed upon.

We all agreed to tag content with Deceit in it so that those who wished to avoid him could do so. We also ensured that what version of Deceit was being portrayed was made known, ensuring that those who wished to see one version but not others could filter out the content they didn’t want to deal with. Thus the matter was reconciled and we were able to move forward together. And other than the occasional private debate, I’ve seen little to no further discourse on the matter.

This of course demonstrates how well we as a unit can deal with discourse within our own ranks. But it also reminds us that

Stable Does Not Mean Perfect

Yes, we are a very stable and welcoming community, and we do our best to be accepting of others and their opinions. But that doesn’t mean we don’t have our squabbles. It’s a simple fact that the more people you put together, the more differing ideas and opinions become present in the group. Eventually one idea or opinion will clash with another, and disagreement will begin to settle in. While our experiences with Deceit show we can deal with discourse in a healthy manner, there’s still the fact that we are all human.

None of us is perfect, not even our dear Thomas. We all have flaws and issues. And each of us has at some point made a bad choice or decision or said something wrong. We can’t expect each other to not make mistakes. But we can expect each other to recognize this fact. Yet sometimes we don’t.

I myself have said things in this community that I’m not proud of, things I regret saying and doing. But with the help of others to point it out to me and to set me straight, I apologized and worked to do better in future. And the people I hurt with my words forgave me, and we were all able to move on from the incident.

That I think is one of our greatest strengths. Yes, we’re not perfect, but that’s okay. We understand people make mistakes, and we try to help them correct those mistakes so they can grow as a person. We do our best to make each other better.

Even with all of these good qualities, there are still issues in our community. They may not be as apparently big or as numerous as in other fandoms, but the fact remains that some individuals have felt the need to leave this fandom, for one reason or another. We don’t hold it against them for having to remove themselves for a time. We try to understand, and we accept that, for them, leaving our group is the best choice they can make for their own sake.

But the fact remains that very few people have actually had to take this step. And I think it’s because of the sense of community we’ve garnered in this fandom. Because in many ways what we’re doing here is not just enjoying a creator’s content, but rather

Standing Together

The vast majority of the famders identify in some way as deviating from the prescribed norm that society presents. Society seems to suggest that the majority of people in the world are straight, cisgender, neurotypical individuals. And we can see how much that comes across in modern culture. But our fandom doesn’t prescribe to this view, simply because of who we are.

Most of us identify as being LBGTQ+ in some way. I myself am Asexual Biromantic, though it took being a part of this fandom to figure it out and come to terms with it. And I’ve made friends with people in this fandom who are gay, bi, pan, trans, nonbinary, and even fluid. Many of us deal with ongoing mental health issues, from depression and anxiety to more serious concerns such as depersonalization, PTSD and even Dissociative Identity Disorder. We even have members who are on the autistic spectrum.

I’ve wondered myself how such an enormous collection of identities and personalities could possibly mix together without more discourse. But the answer is the same every time I ponder it out.

It all comes back to Thomas.

Thomas presents in his video content something we don’t always see in the world around us: acceptance. He gets in front of that camera and tells us that he loves us, just the way we are. He doesn’t care how we identify. He just loves us, flaws and all.

He and his friends show us a world where people of all creeds and identities can live together in mutual respect and understanding. Compared to many of the issues plaguing modern society, it’s a shining example of what the world could be. And we marvel at that concept.

We stand together because Thomas tells us we can, and we should. He leads by example that a great community is built, not by power or control or fear or hate, but by mutual understanding, cooperation, and love. We love each other, and we’ve become like an extended family for each other.

There’s a reason we’ve changed our name from Fanders to Famders.

Because we are family.

And family means no one gets left behind, or forgotten.

And that’s why I love my famders family. Because no matter my pain, no matter my sorrow, no matter my fear or anger or frustration, I know who I can turn to to make it better.

And I wouldn’t trade this family for the world.

Well, that got a bit longer than I intended. But in any case, I think I’ve worked this out rather well. Let me know what you think.

And since I’m going to be making this a semi-permanent feature, I’m also starting up a tag list for it. If you’d like to be added to said list, or if you’re on it and would like to be removed, just let me now. In any case, thank you for reading.

General Tag List:

@ultimate-queen-of-fandoms2

Thoughtful Thursday Tag List:

@wolfishhel

#TW Deceit #David's Thoughtful Thursday

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thalia-amongst-the-thorns · 6 years ago

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Yet Another OC Ask Game

You know the drill; questions from this post, requested by @all-made-of-stardust, let’s do-it to-it!

#squad: who’s friends with who? what are the squad dynamics like? #SquadGoals: Sasha and Marcos are easily the closest of the group, each feeding off of the other’s energetic, outgoing personalities. They enjoy hanging out and goofing off in costume and out of costume, have lots of inside jokes, and just get each other as extroverts. Also, bonding over getting the rest of the group out of their comfort zones. #ScienceBros: Raiqah and Marcos as cool science buds, the ones the group turns to for technical expertise. Marcos’s big brother instincts kick into high gear whenever he’s with Raiqah, encouraging and attentive listening when she gets shy, and for her part Raiqah recognizes the highly intelligent mind concealed behind Marcos’s doofy puns and wisecracks that people tend not to take seriously. #CoffeeAndChill: Mae and Angie get each other as the “responsible ones” and enjoy just talking about life and mundane things. They each see the other as someone they can be completely honest with, who will listen and empathize and care. Also, Mae thinks Angie’s coolly sardonic, and Angie appreciates Mae’s honesty and compassion. #BashBros: Daniel and Ed, much to Ed’s surprise, get pretty close over time. Like everyone else, Ed acts as the straight man to balance out Daniel’s eccentric nature, and Daniel easily sees past Ed’s stoic façade and views him as a valuable member of his pack. And as a member of his pack, Ed should have the skills to defend himself, and both of them have a lot of fun bonding over Daniel teaching Ed how to kick ass and being s boss battle duo. Plus, Ed appreciates that Daniel doesn’t try to get deep with him; they punch people and Daniel doesn’t try to make him divulge any deep dark secrets.

microscope: zoom in – describe the little, insignificant details about an OC. While Marcos’s sense of fashion is atrocious, at least it is entertainingly so. His closet is bursting with florescent Hawaiian shirts, cargo shorts, and socks that you can bet your first born on will be worn with sandals. Perhaps the absurdity of dress is meant to embrace the absurdity of his body; skinny arms and legs, a soft middle, and a long face with a knobby chin complete with a soft fuzz that could generously be referred to as a mustache. Adding a bit of whimsy is the noticeable gap between his front teeth, good for whistling and catching stray bits of food.

fragrance: what do your OCs smell like? As identified by Daniel; Mae smells like fresh dirt, sweat, and pine. Sasha like the charge of static, bubblegum, and shea butter. Marcos like sweat, burnt wires, and paprika. Ed like hair gel and fabric, a noticeable lack of a “human” smell. Raiqah like lavender oil, old paper, and plastic. Nobody like blood, street grime, and gunpowder. Angie like coffee, nail polish, and leather.

photo album: describe one of your OCs’ favorite memories. The first time Ed picked up a guitar; the feel of the smooth curve of the guitar in Ed’s too small hands, the sting as his soft kid fingers plucked at the string which vibrated wildly. The squeal of static through the speaker, both startling and thrilling. Nerves jangling, eager to translate the twitching of his hands into music that’ll blow peoples’ minds and set their souls on fire.

mixtape: 5 songs that describe your OC(s) or songs they themselves would like. Ed likes anything by Queen, Guns N’ Roses, Led Zeppelin, AC/DC, anything that falls into the rock category that his parents would absolutely loathe.

wardrobe: what’s your OC(s) style like? Mae: honest farm girl with lots of denim and flannel button ups. Also, cowboy boots. Daniel: Clothes are overrated/did you pull that out of the trash? Ed: Professional intern who secretly wants to be a rock star Angie: Supreme Goth-Punk Goddess. Marcos: Nerdy and Unironically Hideous. Sasha: Bright, tight, should be out on the boardwalk. Raiqah: Conservative librarian. Nobby: Probably stole it out of a goodwill bin.

lightning: who’s the most impulsive character? and who is their impulse control? Daniel and Sasha no question, impulse control provided by Mae and Ed.

ufo: identity! what are some key identifying qualities or traits of your OC(s)? how to they identify in regards to gender/sexuality? Mae: Female and asexual, a moderator with a side of fighter. Daniel: Male and straight, a lover and a fighter. Nobby: Female, asexual and aromantic, a fighter and a fighter. Angie: Female and bisexual, a moderator Sasha: Non-binary and pansexual, a lover Marcos: Male and gay, a joker and an inventor Raiqah: Female and pansexual, an inventor and introvert Ed: Male and questioning, a loner and introvert

love note: who likes who? crushes? relationships? are they mutual or unrequited? Sasha likes Ed, eventually reciprocated in a relationship. Daniel likes Mae, eventually reciprocated in a relationship. Raiqah had a brief crush on Ed and Sasha. Angie had a crush on Mae and Daniel. Pursued the relationship with Daniel, not long term.

poison: vices/bad habits? what are they? how do they affect your OC? Daniel: Just forgetting to be a human, both physically and mentally. From a young age his powers have basically merged his thoughts with every animal in his vicinity to the point where Daniel doesn’t see himself as a human: he’s an animal, plain and simple, and prefers in that way. As such, he tends to just talk out loud to any animal he comes across, exhibits animalistic behavior (grooming, growling, etc.), sometimes partially shapeshifting in front of regular people, walking on all fours, etc. Also, shapeshifting = loss of clothes, so Daniel has a habit of just. Being naked. He doesn’t care and doesn’t get why people make a big deal out of it. All this tends to make people think Daniel’s just straight up crazy and be a bit wary of him. Angie: Identifying “rotten” souls and being forced to possess them so that Palivāńkum may see justice carried through, which usually boils down to “let’s shatter their minds and rip out their souls”. This was led to Angie isolating herself to avoid Palivāńkum carrying through with this, at the sacrifice of her friends, family, and any semblance of a normal life.

compass: who’s the moral compass? in general: what are your OCs’ morality like? do they have high morals, or not? are their morals self imposed, or do they base their morals on religion/family/influence of others? Mae’s a pretty good moral compass for the group as a whole, very a much “be kind but take no shit” personality to balance out Raiqah’s blind trust in people/fear of violence and Ed’s tendency to seek retribution/revenge against villains. I guess her morality could fall into “self-imposed”, but Mae doesn’t really “choose” morality, it’s just who she is as a person. There’s probably a bit of influence from her dad in Mae’s ability to offer an open hand before her fist. That said, most of the group is fairly highly moral (superheroes, ya know?), though Nobby and Angie deviate significantly.

track & field: which (if any) of your OCs are athletic? what sports to they play? which of your OCs would go HARD in P.E.? Daniel, with an added edge from his powers (the strength of a bear, athleticism of a wolf, ect.). Originally his aunt encouraged him to try out for various teams in middle school, hoping he’d make friends and put all his excess energy to use. Took about three months for Daniel to get banned from all team sports. That said, he always went hard as hell in P.E., though his aunt had to coach him in toning it back so that people didn’t pick up on his powers. Mae is also quite athletic; besides the general physical skill it takes to run a farm, she has ten years of boxing and kickboxing experience (and a four-year state championship title) and jogs daily. Also hardcore about P.E. Sasha is the most overtly athletic; 12 years of gymnastics, numerous county and state titles to her name (and one runner up for the national levels), and she loves to show of her moves and flexibility, both in and outside of battle. P.E. is one of her favorite courses. Nobby’s no slouch herself, though less from classes or sports and more fighting for her life on the streets.

parachute: who does your OC(s) trust the most? who makes them feel safe? who would they do absolutely anything for? Mae trusts the whole team (Ed, Marcos, Sasha, Raiqah, and Daniel) and Angie, feels safe around Daniel and Angie. She would to absolutely anything for the group/to keep anyone safe. Everyone (minus Nobby for the most part) basically feels safe and trusts Mae and would do what she says because they trust her judgement. It’s why they made her the leader.

conspiracy theory: what are your OC’s beliefs? are they skeptics or do they believe easily? who acts on blind faith? who needs to see to believe? Marcos, Mae (Catholics), and Raiqah (Muslim) are the most traditionally religious of the group. Mae’s a bit skeptical, but Marcos and especially Raiqah are very devote.

Acts on blind faith: Raiqah, Sasha, Daniel, Marcos, Mae

See to believe: Ed, Angie, Nobby Marcos is also a conspiracy theory nut. Honestly, in a world of people with laser vision and zombie cyborgs, why isn’t everybody?

zodiac: what’s their sign? does it influence their personality? do they care about astrology? The quickest answer is no, their sign doesn’t influence their personality any more than me deliberately giving them birthdays/signs to purposely fit their personalities would. Sasha and Marcos care about astrology, Sasha because it’s fun to figure out who loves who/gets along/etc. based on their signs and Marcos because his mom does too and raised him right (if slightly superstitious).

spellbook: are any of your OC(s) supernatural? if so, what are they/what are their abilities? Angie, the symbol of the forgotten deity Palivāńkum burned into her flesh marking her as their only (reluctant) follower and granted the honor of being The Vessel for what remains of Palivāńkum’s presence. Palivāńkum graciously bestows The Vessel with the ability to possess people via touch. An all-consuming possession in which Angie’s soul leaves her body and takes over the victim, gaining full access to the person’s memories and abilities. That full access also allows Angie (and by extension, Palivāńkum) to alter a person’s mind as she/they wish; erasing memories, implanting impossibly real ones, or maybe just good old-fashioned psychic feedback for all eternity. Even though her main abilities really are limited by touch, Palivāńkum usually tries to maintain a psychic probe at all times, which gives Angie a bit of low-level telepathy that keys in on nearby peoples’ emotions. Less a security measure and more a means for Palivāńkum to locate new victims with rotten souls… This isn’t even getting into what Angie would be capable of is she allowed Palivāńkum to fully manifest which includes flaming wings, four arms, full on telepathy, manifesting her soul as a variety of weapons, and ripping souls out of bodies while shattering their minds so that all that remains is a withered husk.

contact: how does your OC(s) feel about touch/physical contact? are they affectionate? if so, how do they display affection to others? Cuddle bugs (hugging, intertwine fingers, hair mussing): Sasha, Daniel, Angie Hugs are good in moderation (brief hand squeezes and one arm hugs): Mae, Raiqah, Marcos Oh god get off me (touch at your own risk): Nobby, Ed

interiors: describe your OC(s) bedroom/home/or a place they consider “theirs”. what’s in it? do certain items have a special significance to your OC? The team end up forming a home base of sorts at an abandoned convenience store. It’s not much, but Marcos and Raiqah are able to connect them to the local power grid, mooch off some wi-fi, and get one of the coolers working again so they have snacks for late night patrols. Mae provided more boring necessities like first aid supplies and training equipment, and Sasha went to town outfitting the place with cheerful curtains and bean bag chairs because every secret hideout needs bean bag chairs, duh. Over time it really just becomes a place where they can hang out and be themselves without judgement. Marcos has a corner devoted to his mess (aka whatever hardware he’s currently tinkering with), Raiqah brings in obscure novels and a hotpot for tea, Ed suggles in some sheet music and an acoustic guitar.

hobby: what do they love? what captivates them? what are their passions? Mae: photography, her family and heritage, her friends and the great capacity for people to do good, being a superhero and protecting those who need help and teaching them how to keep helping themselves Daniel: His brothers and sisters, nature, his pack. Raiqah: Science and history, facts and innovation, music, STEM research, Allah. Marcos: His family, genre fiction, video games, computer science, living up to his dad’s memory Sasha: Her family and friends, being a superhero, gymnastics, all things cute and bright Ed: Hard rock and music, playing the guitar and singing Angie: Her family, punk rock, heavy metal, makeup/jewelry/clothes, documentary film Nobby: Revenge, weapons, fighting, her parents

psyche: what’s their head space like? do they have any mental illnesses? how do they process difficult or emotional situations? what are their coping mechanisms? Daniel’s head is a bit full, but he wouldn’t have it any other way. Generally easy going, it takes a lot to rile him up but his go to method to cope is just to turn into a wolf. Wolves process emotions much better than humans. Ed and Nobby definitely have some issues, most likely PTSD from their time being kidnapped and experimented on. While Ed copes by closing himself off and keeping his emotions locked away inside and loathing himself, Nobby lashes out at others so that they hurt just as much, if not more so, than she does as a means for her to exert control over them so that she doesn’t feel powerless again. Angie is also going through some heavy shit with her new maybe-deity roommate that’s lend to depressed and suicidal thoughts. She’s able to cope through conversations with Mae and Daniel, opening a dialogue with Palivāńkum, and by practicing mindfulness techniques that help her process and compartmentalize her feelings.

chess board: who is the most logical? or the schemer/planner? Raiqah, Mae, and Angie are fairly logical, but not to the degree of being separated from empathy. Marcos and Nobby are schemers, Marcos to pull pranks while Nobby’s definitely plotting how to take people out. Raiqah and Mae are the planners who have a checklist for every contingency.

shooting star: if your OC(s) could have one wish what would it be? Mae: For everyone to work together to make the world a healthier and happier place. Marcos: A billion dollars so he can treat his family right and go to whatever college he likes. Raiqah: World peace. Sasha: Three more wishes! Daniel: For all humans to have his powers and love his brothers and sisters as much as he does. Angie: Get rid of Palivāńkum forever and always. Nobby: Dr. Rajinder in front of her, bond and helpless.

wild card: talk about any OC! anything you want! Speed Round Battle Royale Who Beats Who! Daniel would be defeated by Raiqah containing him in a force field (nonviolent, which Raiqah would prefer, and assuming there are no animals nearby Daniel could get to gang up on her) or by Mae having the earth swallow him up and restraining him (again, preferably with his head exposed for a non-violent solution). Potentially Ed could just punch Daniel out with his superior super strength, bit harder to judge his Daniel the more skilled technical fighter. Mae could be defeated by Angie possessing her (would require a bit of sneaking on Angie’s part, but not impossible) or having Sasha blast her from a distance with obscene amounts of cosmic radiation that with enough force cut through rock. Sasha could be defeated by Angie possessing her, physically being overpowered by Ed or Mae (both are better at close quarters combat than her), or being contained in a force field by Raiqah till Sasha used up all her energy. Marcos could be defeated by Angie possessing him (there’s a pattern here…) or getting blinded by Sasha releasing a solar flare so he couldn’t see where to teleport and than bashing him on the head. Ed could be possessed by Angie (surprise), or physically restrained by Daniel, Raiqah, or Mae. Raiqah could be punched out by anyone, why would you though??? Angie could be physically subdued by Daniel (the only one her powers don’t work on), contained via Raiqah’s force field or Mae wrapping her in earth so she couldn’t touch anyone, or blasted from a distance by Sasha. Nobby could be possessed by Angie (honestly the worst plan but it’d work) or physically restrained by Mae or Raiqah again so she couldn’t fight back.

#ask game #oc asks #oc squad #b listers #everyone has super powers and angst #Mae #Daniel #sasha #ed #marcos #raiqah #nobody #angie

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ruffoverthinksthings · 8 years ago

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What do you think the VKs and Aks' sexualities might be?

Thereal answers to this would be “Whoever I want to ship them with atthe moment,” and “sexuality is a very complex thing, that no oneexcept for the person themselves can definitively decide what theirsexuality is.”

Afterall, some people that are seemingly asexual could just be voluntarilyignoring and moving past the sexual impulses they still feel.

However,since that probably isn’t the answer you’re looking for, here aremy guesses:

Mal– Pansexual

Thisis heavily biased as I am a Malvie shipper (among others), but Ican’t imagine Mal to not swing both ways considering that she has avery different worldview and attitude compared to everyoneelse thanks to being half-Faerie.

Whilenot NEARLY as adventurous as Jordan (more on her later), I figurethat Mal would take very little stock into physical attraction andmore in personality—given that she’ll live 300-500 years, therewill be a hot person in every generation but only one of eachinteresting individual she decides to get together with.

Evie– Bisexual

Again,biased, as canonically I wouldn’t be surprised if Evie was straightas an arrow, but there is also the argument that she would beattracted to both genders or is willing to be with people regardlessof gender thanks to her upbringing on the Isle.

Goods,access to luxuries and necessities, and great kissing and sex are notexclusive to one gender, and since pre-Auradon Evie is looking for aneasy, comfortable life more so than anything else, whatever you havedown there won’t really make much difference to her.

Thataside, the boys of the Isle still love themselves a girl who makesout with other girls.

Carlos– Questioning

It’shard to pin down what Carlos might be seeing as he’s never reallyhad time to sort out his sexuality or who he might be attracted to;“it’s hard to get a hard-on when everyone’s got a murder-on foryou,” in his words.

Oncehe’s free from the distraction of constantly having a targetpainted on his back and being abused and used by pretty much everyoneexcept Jace and Harry, and being able to actually talk to people andhave healthy friendships and social interactions, I wouldn’t besurprised if he’d spend a good long while experimenting and seeingwho he’d want to be with, if romance is even for him at all.

He’san intellectual first and foremost, and while it’d be fallacious tosay that extreme intelligence correlates strongly to a complete lackof interest or substantial disinterest in sex (Einstein was awomanizer), solving a difficult problem or making a breakthrough inyour chosen field is usually higher on the list of priorities than“have hot, sloppy make-out sessions with a lover.”

Jay– Bisexual

LikeEvie, this could be attributed to the shitty nature of life on theIsle, the lack of choices, and the fact that his sexuality is as mucha means to survive as it is to enjoy himself.

Jayprobably wouldn’t be too picky about the gender of who he’sflirting with, either, as it all eventually leads to sex or himgetting something he can’t get (read: steal) himself, orpost-Auradon, work for and earn.

Jordan– Omnisexual

Isay “Omni” instead of “Pan” as Jordan is an immortal, adjinn, and operates from a completely different rule set from any ofthe other Descendants characters, and as a result is willing,capable, and does have romantic relationships and interactions withalmost anything that moves, and some that don’t, with the solestandard being that they are considered intelligent enough to consentby Fae standards.

She’sgot all of eternity, and the perception of time only accelerates formortals like humans; five minutes in the dentist’s office passes asagonizingly slowly as it does for her now as it did when she was six,and seeing as she doesn’t need to sleep, eat, or even tire ingeneral, limiting your choices of how to relieve boredom andotherwise occupy yourself is stupid, in her opinion.

Ben– Straight, but currently Questioning

“Straight”in the sense that Ben’s been schooled and raised in a veryhetero-normative environment, where princes go off to marryprincesses, become kings and queens, and produce blood-related babiesfor legal heirs, rather than marrying other princes, having a goodfriend become their surrogate mother, or adopting a child anddeclaring them the legal heir instead.

Auradonis not entirely opposed to such unconventional family structures ingeneral—after all when you have to rub elbows with Ancient Greeksthat had sports drinks before artificial flavouring was invented foreveryone else (Hercules), supposedly mythologicalcreatures walking around and making pop culture references centuriesto thousands of years more advanced than their time (Aladdin,Mulan), and even talking animal people (Robin Hood),the differences between you and “others” stop being a very bigdeal.

However,they are still heavily conservative, and exempting trulyexceptional circumstances on the level of the events of theiroriginal movies (history rather than fairy tales, to them), theywould prefer their rulers to do everything as their ancestors hadbefore them.

Thoughonce the VKs shake everything up and start throwing Tradition out thewindow, and as it tries to climb back in, accidentally knock it backout onto the street because of the chaos and social upheaval thatinevitably occurs, it wouldn’t be surprising to me for Ben to makelike an actual teenager/college student and start to test andexperiment with the boundaries and the specifics of his sexuality.

Ifhe and Mal do break-up in the near-future like I theorize they will,I expect there to be a long string of new royal lovers that takes Benon a real crazy ride through the weird, wild, and draining world ofroyal romance.

Audrey– Straight, but…

Audreyis exactly like Ben, only I figure she wouldn’t even dare toquestion let alone experiment and explore her sexuality.

Thegirl already falls apart at the seams if her back-up singersdon’t show up on time and let her perform her big song numberperfectly. I would SERIOUSLY doubt she would even want to think ofsomething that will completely change her life and throw it intochaos like the realization that she might be gay or not interested inmarrying at all, and ultimately deviating from the “script” of“queen to a king and making beautiful princesses and princesses.”

I’mnot saying she couldn’t be attracted to women, or really anyoneother than through-and-through males, but for the sake of her mentalhealth, she’d just stick to guys just because that’s what she’ssupposed to do.

Doug– No Clue

Dougis difficult to ascertain as we don’t really have much on him ingeneral, and I don’t really consider his relationship with Evie incanon to be worth much as it feels incredibly forced to me, and thecircumstances behind it make me question the legitimacy of it.

There’salso the fact that he’s a half-human dwarf hybrid, and like Carlos,I think he’d have to get over the lifelong social isolation andnever really belonging before he even begins to seriously ponder orexplore his sexuality.

Freddie– Straight

UnlikeAudrey who’s straight because that’s the tradition and what’sexpected of her, Freddie is almost exclusively into guys because ofbeing badly burned by her relationships and interactions with othergirls.

Likethe iconic Mean Girls, the ladies of the Isle’s worst enemyare each other, and they do not hesitate to viciously compete,backstab, and sabotage one another, all while smiling and feigningcivility. “At least with the guys, they have the decency to punchin the face or clobber you on the head, and leave your sense ofself-worth intact,” in her words.

Herinteractions with CJ, which my friend @saveshootingstar theorizes wasas much a romantic partnership as well as a villainous one, doesn’treally help her case.

Shecould eventually decide she’s more of a lesbian, bi, or any othercategory she chooses now that she has a much healthier and saner poolof potential lovers to choose from, but as of now, she’ll probablystick with guys as she’s more comfortable baring her morevulnerable side to them.

Zevon– Straight

Mytheories on Zevon is that he’s straight largely because hisrelationship with his mother is FAR from healthy, even by the Isle’salready loose and terrible standards, and is as much of astereotypical “mama’s boy” as you can get:

Almostentirely dependent; unhealthily attached to his mother and hasdifficulty separating her from any aspect of his life; and projectshis needs and desires for her onto other women—TO BE VERY CLEAR,this is solely the desire to be “praised,” “cared for,” andhave someone that can viciously tear apart his sense of self worthand coddle him in an unhealthy codependent relationship the way onlyYzma can.

There’salso the proven, canonical fact that he is attracted to Mal becauseshe’s vicious, cruel, and in charge, much like his mother.

CJ– Asexual

CJstrikes me as the kind of pirate queen who’s only interested in theburning and the pillaging, and none of the raping bit. Not that shefinds the act of sexual assault abhorrent, but because it and anyother sexual acts just don’t get her blood pumping and herexcitement levels shooting up like swinging from a rope, beatingsomeone into submission, and sailing away with all their stuff.

Shecan get charmingand romantic, but it’s usually just as part of her nefariousschemes.

Chad - Straight

Like Ben and Audrey, Chad has been raised all his life to believe that the heterosexual royal dream is what he should aspire to and what his life’s trajectory is going to be, though for a nice change of pace, Auradon still assures him they will accept a King and his Consort than a Queen.

That aside, Chad’s entire purpose in the universe is to be every single “priveleged straight white boy” stereotype given life, and a means to show the worst of Auradon in a single character, alongside Audrey.

While it would be interesting for him to be gay, bi, queer, or even asexual, in the last case only ever using women to further his own plans and make his life better at their cost, it goes against his purpose in the universe, and feels wrong to me in general.

I’m not saying that a specific personality type leads to a specific sexuality, or that Chad is definitely straight from all his behaviour, but it just doesn’t feel like a good decision to me to make him deviate from the straight and hetero; it feels like you’re just making him queer for the sake of it, or as a gimmick that doesn’t serve much purpose for the story or his character.

Jane - Pansexual

Like Mal, Jane follows a very different rule set, and more-so than her given that she is a full-Faerie and lives for all of eternity, and isn’t bound by mortal limitations like fatigue, sickness, or hunger. She chooses her lovers based on personality first and foremost, though I would imagine she tends towards females more than males.

The traditional, stereotypical “Manly Man of Manliness Male” ideal Auradon has would probably be a HUGE source of bullying, self-esteem issues, and distress to her, and as she can’t ever forget anything, the trauma really is forever, and isn’t likely to change any time soon.

She also strikes me as someone who enjoys soft and warm things in general, and boobs hit both notes.

Allie - Wonderland

Look, Allie is from a place where 2+2=Fish and a heron and the Sky (not someone named Sky, the actual sky above their heads) debate the accuracy of a mathematical theorem that states this formula will produce a pufferfish; the animals and even the objects talk, are animated, and intelligent; and there is apparently a ready supply of potions that can shrink people, among other drugs and alchemical supplies we still haven’t seen.

Shit gets weird, is what I’m saying, and I don’t think we have the vocabulary nor the ability to compherend the kind of kink that goes on down the rabbit hole or through the looking glass.

Lonnie - No Clue

We don’t know enough about Lonnie, and it would be dangerously stereotypical of me to assume that she’s a lesbian just because she’s athletic.

My personal headcanon is that she’s gay, seeing as she was largely raised in a heavily male environment as “one of the boys,” or among very athletic and non-stereotypically feminine girls, and more so, she never really was interested in muscles on guys since as far back as she could remember.

Mulan being an outlier in so many ways herself, it surprises no one that her daughter also breaks numerous norms.

#Descendants #disney #headcanon

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kelvintimeline · 8 years ago

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@preussisch-blau-und-kadmium-auch

OP blocked me but you’re on a high enough horse that I wanna push you off.

Read more for length.

The split attraction model was invented in the last 5 years to imply that “sexual orientation” and “romantic orientations are two separate things. They are not. Sexual orientation BY DEFINITION is about non-platonic feelings in general which includes both romantic and sexual feelings. You can define non-platonic however you wish. It can be just sexual for you, just romantic, or, for most pole, it is a confusing blending of the two with a sprinkling of je ne sais quoi. Neurodivergent people especially struggle to separate the two and forcing them to define their sexual vs romantic feelings can be harmful. Especially for minors who don’t have the emotional maturity to parse between the two. They shouldn’t have to. They shouldn’t have to scrape parts of themselves out to plop into boxes so they can be taxonomized for shitty MOGAI politics.

The SAM is harmful, especially when it is normalized and applied to non-ace/aro people. There are over ONE THOUSAND stories about how the SAM and MOGAI attitudes let trans/LGBP people bury their internalized homophobia and dysphoria in labels like “homoromantic asexual” and shit like that. Here are the stories. It’s biphobic because there are are “orientations” like heterosexual homoromantic which is LITERALLY bisexual. Bisexuals can have preferences and experience sexual attraction to different genders differently!! All this does is erase nonbinary people.

Similarly, if the SAM is used regularly (which is what hte ace community is wanted), this is dangerous to survivors who often have complex feelings baout sexual romantic attraction. A cishet woman who was sexually assaulted by men might choose to identity as a lesbian later on, dating women. It is NO ONE’S business to ask her if she’s still sexually/romantically attracted to men. It’s no one business if she’s ~ACTUALLY a bisexual homoromantic. She’s a lesbian. That’s it. Because sexual orientations are about personal identity, who you want to be with, as well as attraction.

I can go ON and ON about what’s wrong with the SAM but here’s a few posts you should read. Here. Here. But like another basic point is--it relies on the term “homosexual” which is really fucking offensive.

You know what isn’t offensive? The term “SGA.” SGA is derived from the VERY common phrase “same gender attraction” which stems from the EVEN MORE COMMON phrase “attracted to the same gender.” Yes, “same sex attraction” has been used in conversion therapy. As has gay, lesbian, qu**r, insert slur, insert slur, insert slur here. That doesn’t mean it was derived from it. It has closer roots to the AAVE phrase “Same Gender Loving” but non-black people are being respectful by NOT using a term not made for them. SGA is more appropriate. Thanks.

Also, fuck you for saying NB people can’t be SGA. I’m a sapphic agender person, thanks. SGA doesn’t have to include all nonbinary people, just like lesbian and gay don’t have to include all of them. It’s still relevant to the point that LGBP people formed a bond over our SGA and the homophobia we suffered over it. Which transfered to a bond with trans folk because SGA and transness were seen as the same thing, historically. (Please look up “sexual inversion” if you do not believe me.)

Like, Katkee absolutely said I’m not actually bisexual. When she said cishet aces aren’t heterosexual, she is saying I am not bisexual. Because sometimes I’m completely ace. And I spent years without sexual attraction because I was so fucking depressed feelings like that were beyond my reach. Bisexuals are bisexual not because of who they want to fuck, which is a biphobic stereotype, but because of who we like and want to be with. GEnerally. Maybe that is sexual, maybe it’s not. It’s no one fucking business. Same for heterosexuals.

Like, no offense, but your comparison saying aromantic people can’t be bisexual is dumb as fuck. For the 18th time, sexual orientation is about sexual AND/OR romantic attraction. I’ll give you another comparison. A face generally is comprised of two eyes, a mouth, and a nose. Say someone is missing an eye, right? Maybe they’re born with just one eye, maybe they lost it. Whatever. Does tht mean that face isn’t a face because it’s missing one eye? No. It’s still a face. Just like you take the sexual attraction out of an orientation, it’s still an orientation. BUT if someone held an eyeball in front of you and said “this is a face,” you’d say “no dipshit, that’s just an eye.” Similarly, saying your reaction to JUST sexual attraction is a sexual orientation is ridiculous. No dipshit, that’s jus tsexual attraction.

“Aromantic” doesn’t mean “not attracted to any gender” it is is a way to describe your ROMANTIC attraction to people. It modifies your sexual orientation. “I am attracted to multiple genders but not romantically.” You are an aromantic bisexual. Because bisexuals are bisexuals no matter how they experience non-platonic attraction to multiple genders.

And, like, fuck your transphobia? Trans straight people can’t have straight privilege because people misgender them and see their m/f relationships as same gender relationships. They do not benefit from the systemic oppression of LGBP people because most laws/lack of protections for LGBP people hut them too. If a trans woman has not legally transitioned and is not recognized by the state as a woman, her marriage to her male partner is considered a same gender partnership and is not legal in most the world. She can still be the victim of homophobic hate crimes by people who still misgender her.

That is not true for cishet aces. Cishet aces can date, have sex, and marry whomever they like. Because a lot of cishet aces DO STILL HAVE SEX and have fetishes and libidos and kinks and whatever the fuck. How is that not “heteronormative?” And y’unno what? Who the fuck DOES perform straightness properly and gets rewarded for it? Cishet non-ace women are punished for too much sex, not enough sex, weird sex, prudish sex, or just prioritizing a career over sex and procreation. HELL a cishet non-ace man is demonized if his girlfriend whips on a strap on and helps him discovered prostate stimulation. Like?? They’re still cishet. They’re still privielged for it. Heteronormativity is about how you perform gender roles and in 2017 MOST relationships deviate from heteronormativity in some capacity. If two cishets are in a relationship and the woman has a career? That’s technically non-heteronormative. But she still isn’t LGBT.

And like?? Non-ace and non-aro people don’t all prioritize romantic and sexual relationships?? ALL the fucking time. Aces and aros aren’t special in that respect. Especially when we remember that: there are aces who have sex and aros who date. So like?? Whomp whomp, your cool kids table actually seats the entire fucking planet. Congrats.

Want another congratulations? Congrats on spreading misinformation because the APA never pathologized asexuality.

Like, seriously tho, what oppression do cishet aces and cishet aros face? Like, genuinely, tell me what aces and aros face NOT for a lack of sexual and/or romantic behaviour (which is not exclusive to aces/aros and is not true for all aces/aros) but for simply lacking that attraction??

And, again, please actually study LGBT history. Transgender bisexual women founded the LGBT community. As in women who were both LGBP AND trans. Because homophobia and transphobia are often perpetuated by the same institutions via the same laws, methodology, and cultural norms. Trans and LGBP folk chose to come together because we realized we were oppressed in the same ways or at least in very similar ways. Our bars, which we shared, were raided by the same police. AIDS killed trans women and gay men and bi men just the same. Sodomy laws affected us just the same. Lack of marriage equality affected us just the same. Gender norms went after us in similar ways. Gay was an umbrella term for ALL LGBT people people for a long time for a fucking reason.

And like... again, straight trans peopel cannot and do not oppress LGBP folk because they do not benefit from homophobic oppression. So maybe study up on that before you unleash your shitty opinions on me, okay?

BTW, most cishets don’t investigate whether you are romantically attracted to the person you’re banging or if you’re banging the person you’re dating. Like... they don’t care. Unless it’s their own relationship.

Also, as for the cat thing... I wasn’t talking about lynxes so uh?? What the fuck. I’m specifically talking about lynx point siamese cats. And how if I said a lynx point siamese wasn’t a cat, people would rightfully call me a moron.

Aaaand who the fuck do you hang out with where they assume you want to marry eveyrone you bang?? Please avoid those people, they’re creeps.

Yikes.

#h slur //#ace discourse #blue space //

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purrplelace · 8 years ago

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Ace Like Jughead

This post is being written for January 2017′s Carnival of Aces, hosted by @aceadvice with the theme: “Many Ways To Be Ace.” This is what I was planning on writing about, but it also connected a lot to some feelings I had about this post about Jughead’s erased asexuality by Queer As Cat, so I included that response as well.

Asexual. It means a different thing for each asexual person in the world. It is also how I most prefer to identify. Not Greyromantic Asexual, which would also work, or Aromantic Asexual. Just Asexual.

For me, my asexuality and my aromanticism are not two different things. They are connected. They interact with each other, impact my life in much the same way as each other. When I call myself asexual, I mean something very similar to what someone who is sexually and romantically attracted to two or more genders means when they call themselves bisexual (as opposed to a biromantic bisexual). When I call myself asexual, I mean that I am not interested in people in a sexual/romantic way, regardless of their gender.

I am not opposed to using the word aromantic to discuss my experiences, especially within ace and aro circles. But I still feel that for me the two are connected, and identifying primarily as asexual is important to me.

Now, you might be thinking something along the lines of “But asexual means you don’t experience sexual attraction” or, “You are harming alloromantic asexuals with your personal identity.” That last one is the one I am most afraid of when discussing this among ace people. And to be totally honest, I am not cool with the idea that saying my personal identify harms others. (And it sort of reminds me of the whole “asexuality is inherently homophobic because it sexualizes gay people” thing.)

I am going to go on a tangent and talk about the second-wave feminism concept of “The Personal Is Political.” The idea is basically to have an awareness of how political and oppressive forces can shape our daily lives. However, this has somehow morphed into “I need to fight oppressive forces with my daily life or I am a bad person” (here is an example, cw for sex and kink mentions). And I disagree with that. All that leads to is burnout (and another oppressive force acting on your personal life).

Here is a link of some contemporary views on “The Personal Is Political.” I personally liked this quote the best:

The personal as the political was never meant to be a prescription of how to live your life. It was never meant to be a rallying cry to shave off your hair and take up with the lady next door. But what it was really meant to do was create an awareness of how our personal lives are ruled by political forces. Of how the fact that women were not economically or politically equal to men meant that their relationships were unequal too.

Katherine Viner, in On the Move: Feminism for a new generation

Awareness about how political and oppressive forces can shape our daily lives is meant to help us make informed decisions about our lives, and to help us figure out what we need to combat on a political level and how we are going to do that.

In preparation for the CW’s Riverdale, which is premiering later this month, I had seen several posts by other aces talking about how the comics have a canon asexual character in them. I had been feeling sort of upset about being ace for a week or so, and I decided it was probably because I was watching too many TV shows where the romance played a big part. So the not-so-easy remedy for this is to read/watch something with an ace character. I remembered what I had read about Jughead, and I decided to take a leap of faith (I haven’t read a graphic novel since I read Captain Underpants in the first grade) and buy Chip Zdarsky’s graphic novel Jughead, Volume One.

I loved it.

I cannot begin to express how much I loved it. In every issue, there was something pertaining to his asexuality mentioned somewhere. He actively deals with other people’s attitudes/awareness about his asexuality and it is... so great.

For those of you who have little exposure to the comics, Jughead is explicitly referred to as asexual by another character, he explicitly says he does not get crushes, and he has negatively reacted to touch (especially by girls flirting with him) on many occasions.

In other words, Jughead is ace like me. Sure, there are a few differences--I am a little less touch averse. I don’t have the superiority complex he has about it. Jughead never really says himself how he identifies, so we can’t be sure what he knows about asexuality/aromanticism and if he would identify like me or as aroace or something else, but either way, his asexuality and lack of romantic interest and touch aversion are all related and interconnected, much the way mine is.

Cole Sprouse recently said that, in spite of his efforts, Jughead is not currently being portrayed as asexual on the show. And most of the articles that reported about it said things like (note: these are not direct quotes, I reworded them to emphasize the issues in the logic) “Jughead will not be asexual because he will have romances” or “Jughead will not be asexual because he will want sex.” On the part of the people writing those articles (and possibly Cole Sprouse, but the context was given by the reporters so it is hard to tell), that wording is awful and wrong. And the show is not out yet, so we can’t even properly correct them because we don’t know what they were trying to say in the first place. Does he have romances? Does he have sex? Does he say “LOL I’m a straight dude?” It is not clear.

Here is a snippet of Queer As Cat’s post I mentioned at the beginning of this post:

sure, Jughead showing romantic (or sexual) interest in women may be out of character for him, but that’s not even what everyone’s making noise about. people are specifically fighting to “keep Jughead #asexual”, even though aces can “have romances”– in every possible sense of the word– with women (or anyone else) and still be asexual. given that, what is it that people are really fighting for?

the “One True Asexual Narrative”, that’s what.

and once again, whether people are consciously aware of it or not, the fight for that specific narrative is being had at the cost of asexual representation that deviates from that narrative.

When I get upset about the asexual erasure in the CW’s Riverdale, I am not upset about asexuality as a whole being erased, I am upset about Jughead’s asexuality being erased. Jughead’s asexuality means that he doesn’t have romances. I am not fighting for “The One True Asexual Narrative,” I am fighting for Jughead’s Asexual Narrative, which does not involve romance or sex or even casual touch. I am fighting for the narrative that could allow others to empathize with me, and give me something to relate to so I don’t feel like shit about my asexuality after watching too much TV.

There is actually only one asexual narrative of a recurring character that has been on TV so far (that I am aware of), and that is Voodoo from Sirens. And her character was alloromantic, dated, and masturbated. She was awesome and the best part of the series, not gonna lie. Jughead is a very different kind of ace from her (especially in the fact that he is a guy, there aren’t a lot of ace guys and I know that that bothers many of the ace men I know), so if you were to truly fight for having multiple asexual narratives on TV, Jughead’s from the comics would diversify it best. (Though I am really in the camp of any asexual narratives on TV being good. As long as it isn’t what happened in House.)

There are so many ways to be ace. My way is just one way. Jughead’s is another. And Queer As Cat’s is another. You, the reader, assuming you are asexual because you are reading this post, have another way of being asexual. None of these ways of being ace invalidate each other. Every time an ace character comes into the spotlight, it seems that there are the people who say “but they are not like me, so they are not good representation.” We get so little that we begin to fight over crumbs, and it does not help. We need to start fighting for all types of asexual narratives to be told, not just ones that are like our own. And celebrate when our ace friends of differing romantic orientations have their narratives told. Which unfortunately there is nothing to celebrate at the moment. So we need to fight. Together.

#asexuality #aromanticism #aroace #carnival of aces #january 2017 carnival of aces #laura talks

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