#that or everyone is so depressed that they can only see the downsides of the v wave

[vaugarde]

No one likes the V-Wave cause it reminds them that they’re all bitchless

[pigfacedbitch]

Falling In Love With Leo Valdez

summary : title speaks for itself. reader is a daughter of Poseidon. timeline is from the lost hero to mark of Athena.

word count : 0.7k

type : imagines

pairing/s involved : Leo Valdez x Reader, Brother! Percy Jackson x Reader

warning/s : dealing with a loved one's disappearance, depression, and coping

here is my masterlist!

Percy is the amazing older brother anyone could ever ask for. He made sure that you were thoroughly trained and well-oriented on what it means to be a demigod.

The only downside? He is extremely protective, especially when someone is romantically interested in you.

"PERCY!" You see the camper who flirted with you earlier got knocked off of his canoe and almost drowned in the lake.

"What? It wasn't me."

But his face says otherwise. He can be insufferable.

You love him dearly anyway.

So when he vanished that summer, you are a mess. Chiron had to monitor your every move because you might try to find Percy on your own.

Annabeth told you she received a word of where he is and assured you that everything will be okay. Instead she brought back three strangers with her.

One particularly caught your attention with his elf-like features and scrawny build. You found him... cute.

As expected, Leo flirted with you right away. How could he not? You are hot! 😍

"Hey there, cutie. Are you a goddess?"

"No. My name is (Y/N)."

"Leo Valdez but you can call me anything you want-"

"How about dead?" Annabeth cuts him off, giving him an icy glare. That was enough to shut him up.

Leo uses all of his time to be with you. He is so in love, it's almost sickening.

At first, it's just harmless flirting.

Then he notices the little things— you don't eat that much, easily space out in conversations, lethargic, and has always a forlorn look on your beautiful face.

You, on the other hand, have repressed your emotions to look 'strong'. Annabeth tries to be there for you but she is suffering too.

That's why you bawled your eyes out when Leo asks you about Percy one night.

After that, he swears to you that he will be there to help you cope and look for your brother as well.

He lessens the flirting, shifting to jokes and funny stories that make you laugh.

Disobeying the rules in the dining pavilion, he eats his meals with you on the Cabin 3 table.

You're the first person he brings in Bunker 9, letting you use the place for your own leisure. You often nap there.

Despite the instant attraction, trust gradually grows between you and Leo.

You weren't some silly crush anymore but someone Leo can confide in, and he to you.

Those who observe see that you are becoming lively again. Your smile is no longer forced, you're now eating well, and looking forward to training and games.

The moment you realize Leo wasn't just a friend was because of some jerks who think you were out of his league.

"Come on, man. She wouldn't date you."

You quickly walked up to them and kissed him in front of everyone.

To say Leo is surprised is an understatement. He almost blew up right then and there. That was his first kiss.

You had to pull him to your cabin to confess properly. Let's just say Leo had more than his first kiss that night. 👀

You two aren't officially dating yet, probably because of the war that's about to come.

However, you act like you do— displaying affections, acts of service, and most importantly, keeping each other alive.

There were no need to exchange I love yous, actions were more than enough. Though, Leo loves saying that to you whenever he can.

Annabeth knows Percy will likely kill Leo but if he makes you happy then why not?

Flashforward to Camp Jupiter, you walk to Reyna with Jason and the others. By the distance, you see Percy running towards you with his hands reaching out.

He engulfs you in a hug that you're sure will break your ribs.

"How come my little sister got smaller?"

"Shut up."

You both feel the heavy weight of worry on your shoulders disappear, Percy tigtening his hug on you if that was possible.

Even with the danger looming over all of your heads, you felt safe and content in Percy's arms. Everything seems perfect.

Now, there's only one problem...

How can you tell Percy that you're in love with Leo without the chances of drowning him to death?

[ecoterrorist-katara]

If Bryke somehow manages to squeeze in a statue for Katara in the new movie, I'm gonna be mad.

There was no reason not to do it from the start, they chose not to and only rectified it because they faced backlash over it

Kataang shippers tripped over themselves for years to defend it. What happens to that defense now? Will they take it all back? Or double down and insist that she didn't need a statue at all? Either way, they look stupid (what else is new)

It's gonna be bullshit compared to everyone else's. It's either going to be sequestered away in some secret spot we've never seen before for some reason or it's gonna show her holding baby Tenzin or some bullshit- reaffirming her title as "Mother of the Airbenders"- or both

It won't change anything. She still did nothing after the war. She was nothing but the Avatar's girlfriend while everyone else was building a new era. Bryke can backtrack all they want, but Katara's fate in LOK and the comics was everything they wanted

No matter what happens with the movie, Katara still gets screwed over

You’re absolutely right & they’re gonna open the movie with a scene of Aang presenting Katara with a statue at the Air Temples or something 💀💀💀💀

Maybe they’ll give Katara a whole new career that we conveniently just didn’t get to see at all in LOK, but even at that point I’d take the crumbs because the alternative (ie her current arc) remains SO depressing. The main downside is KA shippers would declare that their mastermind Bryke had intended this all along and that Katara stans were just reading into things. Of course Bryke meant for Katara to have a great career, and you’re crazy if you failed to extrapolate the full extent of her illustriousness from LOK & the comics!!!!!

[mageknight14]

"Trust Your Partner": How NEO TWEWY Deconstructs and Reconstructs the Original

I think one of the most interesting things NEO TWEWY does as a sequel is how it takes the original’s game motif of "trust your partner" and explores that to show the negative downsides of that mindset before rebuilding it up again through new lenses.

In the original, "trust your partner" is a motif that’s there to encourage Neku to learn that it’s okay to be vulnerable and that not everyone in the world is out to get you. That you can become strong enough to withstand any emotional hardships that come your way.

In the ending, Neku is rewarded for taking this lesson to heart and being unable to bring himself to shoot Joshua due to a combination of coming to value their relationship and still subconsciously trusting Joshua to do the right thing even in spite of everything he had done to him by getting revived back to life alongside the friends he had made connections with. He can't forgive Joshua for what he had done but he still trusts him regardless and it's a dynamic that still holds true in NEO.

In OG TWEWY, this lesson works for Neku because almost everyone in the game was acting in good faith, doing what they felt was the right thing in the long-run. This was essential towards helping Neku learn to heal from the trauma caused by the death of his best friend and have him open up again. That even if he gets emotionally hurt, he can still keep moving forward.

But NEO looks at that motif and explores a different side to it, showing how the original lesson can be taken into an unsavory direction if exploited by certain kinds of people or their mindsets. How bad faith actors can and will destroy you if you’re not careful. This is a theme that the game thoroughly explores, from Shiba’s relationships with the Shinjuku Reapers and Kubo to Rindo’s dynamic with Motoi, showing off the consequences of what blind faith and never questioning your idols can do.

However, I think the day that best exemplifies this theme in full is W3D2, the Shoka/Ayano day. I think it should be emphasized that Shoka and Ayano DO genuinely care for each other; their actions show that off incredibly well. However, it’s a relationship that’s been broken down by the events that happened around and between them. Ayano, unable to decide who to trust anymore in the chaos that’s happening around her, latches onto Shoka as a security blanket (she even names her iguana after her!) and tries to do everything to keep her at her side, even gaslight her, out of fear that she will abandon her too. An aspect of her that only gets worse as she gets possessed by Plague Noise.

She’s convinced herself that Shoka is just being led around by her emotions, not being able to see that she’s denying and suffocating Shoka’s agency, and that she’s secure in the choices that she’s made (though it’s understandable given what happens to former Reapers in the end). 

On the other side of the coin, Shoka isn’t able to see for herself until the end that Ayano deeply, deeply misses Shinjuku and that trying to show her what life in Shibuya can be like has only depressed her even more, with Shibuya Survivor showing this in detail. She was simply content to have Ayano by her side, never fully thinking deeper about their relationship and its issues. And when Ayano is too far gone to the influence of the Plague Noise, Shoka throws all caution to the wind and tries to save her only to get herself killed.

All of this shows the limit of trusting your partner for both sides. Ayano can't see that Shoka’s made her own decision and is going to stick with it, and Shoka can't see with a lot of convincing and support that Ayano can't simply be talked down. In a way Ayano's trying to give her life to Shoka by "saving" her and dragging her back to the Shinjuku gang and leaving Shibuya to be destroyed but she can't or doesn't care about the city due to her trauma, so she can't realize that is what Shoka cannot and wouldn't want. We as people can always do our best to trust and understand as much as possible, but there's a hard limit to how much that can work. Some people are NOT going to agree or come to a conclusion and in a lot of cases, it can be painful and tragic but we hit the limit of that.

So what we CAN do is to try and soften the blow and trust and be kind/understanding to Shoka and in this case, the motif of "trust your partner" gets built up again via showcasing Rindo and Shoka’s relationship. These convos show off what it means to be a true friend, to listen to them when they tell you how the situation they’ve been through has affected them, and how that has to be enough, with Rindo assuring to Shoka multiple times that he trusts her and that he won’t abandon her. Maybe he won’t agree with what she decides but he helps her to feel secure in her own agency and come to decide what she truly wants to do, reinforcing what Neku had to learn: becoming emotionally strong enough to deal with what happens next.

And the game showcases that the original lesson still holds true: it was possible to talk Shiba down by appealing to his humanity/better nature and Rindo still gives Motoi a second chances even in spite of what he had done to him.

Having faith/trust in the inherent goodness of others is NOT a weakness but just like how there are people who act with good faith in mind, there are also others who WILL try to screw you over for their own intentions or mistakenly think that what they believe is best for you. And in a time where topics such as parasocial relationships, false information, and isolation are explored more and more, I think it’s an especially important lesson/topic to explore.

[battlemaiden13]

Hey Hey! How would the skeletons be like if they were in the slave tale universe? Oh and can you include the mafia bois and the horror bois?? (Also how's your day goin?)

Sans -He becomes suicidally depressed. He fought so hard to get out of the underground only to be thrown into a worse hell. He is cold and distant with everyone and just tries to keep his head down.

Papyrus -He’s still trying to see the good in everyone but with each passing day it gets harder and harder. He was lucky enough to get a good master but even the good ones are horrible people at times and he will not escape unphased. 

Red -He has to be muzzled. Legally. Apparently if you keep biting your owners and being aggressive towards them means you may be a danger and gets you muzzled. He doesn’t enjoy it and it does not help with his violent outburst. Unless he gets a kind owner who he can at least somewhat tolerate he will be dust. 

Edge -It is just luck that he’s used to taking orders. He learnt pretty quickly that back talking isn’t going to get him anything but broken and bruised bones. He becomes a perfect little soldier. Holding his tongue and slowly dying on the inside. 

Blue -Is totally broken. Luckily he’s used to hiding behind his childlike personality so he uses this as a survival mechanism. He becomes so nervous and jittery that he’s a quiet ball of anxiety just hoping things will get better. 

Orange -Is very stubborn. He will find loopholes in every order given and because of that goes through owners due to ‘insubordination’. He has become bitter and distant, with his depression coming back full force. 

Berry -He is in constant work mode which is stressful. He’s never allowed to be his authentic self but he’s used to pretending and taking orders to survive and he will continue to do so until he’s dusted or this hell ends. 

Syrup -The only real downside for Syrup here is that the collars prevent him from causing harm to humans so he has to get a little creative with some of his dealings. He’s used to taking orders though. His personality is the thing that turns away most owners until he’s taken as a personal bodyguard. 

Axe -Can not be taken as a slave. His mental issues prevent him from remembering recent events and he is violent and dangerous. He killed his first owners and has been locked up ever since. Perhaps one day he could be sold on the black market as a killer. 

Crooks -Oddly unaffected. This isn’t any worse than what he had to endure underground. He’s just rolling with the punches at this point and doing what he can to continue to survive. 

Roulette -To everyone else it seems as if he's not affected by this at all.  He acts the same but is working behind the scenes with the resistances to get monsters out of the slave trade which he is taking very seriously. 

Sniper - This world has broken him. He speaks in a monotone voice and shows no emotions as he carries out orders in a world he would rather not be apart of. 

Colt - He is biding his time. He will bite his tongue, for the most part, and do his best to stay calm and collected so as to not draw attention to himself. Of course this means when things go wrong he’s not going to lend a hand to the humans who have imprisoned him and he will happily watch them burn. 

Musket - He becomes the perfect picture of subservient. Taking orders to the extreme in order to satisfy those in charge. He finds that the better he performs the better he is treated so he will strive for excellence. Don’t mistake this for loyalty however, he is more than happy when humans meet their demise and will not lift a finger to help his old masters. 

Carbine -Is much more irritable. He often grinds his teeth together and seems to have a constant glare. He will do what is needed to survive but he makes it perfectly clear that he hates everything that is happening. 

Rifle - Due to his clumsy nature, and the fact that he keeps messing with it in secret, Rifle's collar is often on the fritz. Sometimes this works out for the better and sometimes it can be so much worse. He has become more jumpy and cold during this whole ideal. 

[mossy-thing]

On infantilization.

I am very open about both being autistic and ace to nearly everyone in my life, and most of my peers think of me as a sweet innocent baby who has never even heard of sex before when they first meet me. Once I realized this, I have made it a habit to occasionally drop in small bits of, shall we say, unexpected information about myself in conversations as time goes on.

This is especially amusing since most people are extremly shocked to even hear me curse for the first times.

I have been told very often that someone was surprised once I opened up more because they thought I was oh so innocent.

Which definitely not only comes from my autism and asexuality which, as I've said, I'm very open about, but also because of my sunny personality. This is the only downside I can see to recovering from depression by the way. Happy people are apperantly often not taken seriously. I have been so very happy and open and excitable this year, and I have lost count of how often people have told me straight to my actual face that I was acting like a child or that I had no idea of the real world or how to properly take care of myself.

Which sucks, obviously. I've had a few breakdowns about it.

I am however working on finding a balance between how I was for the last few years (extremely depressed and closed off) and how I am now. I am trying to tell people I hate the way they are treating me. I am trying not to care about hurting their feelings by setting simple boundaries anymore.

I am legally an adult, and I am tired of people acting like I'm not. I have agency. And yes, I often struggle with simple tasks. But that is because I am disabled, not because I am a child. I love being happy, but I am not the sunshine child you have to protect. I will tell you when I need help with something.

Stop. Sheltering. Me.

[tricksterlatte]

I've always been fascinated by fandom history, and I know I'm not the only one. It's interesting to see how fans of pop culture can create a culture of their own, and in the modern age of social media and the internet in general, that culture is as widespread as ever. Unfortunately, that also means downsides are becoming bigger as this culture becomes widespread, and it's saddening to watch, maybe even concerning.

I don't discuss these things to be preachy, especially considering how I've fallen into several of these pitfalls before, and have perpetuated some of this behavior in the past. To say otherwise would make me a hypocrite and a liar, and I firmly believe this goes for most people in any fandom. I was just thinking about this recently, and how a lot of the biggest stressors in what should be our stress relief really can be pinned mostly into a few central talking points, which I would love to discuss to know if I'm not just going crazy here

The concept of Big Name Fan has evolved into a position of authority on fandom, which does not fall to anyone regarding subjectivity. No one in a fandom is an authority except the creators themselves, who have every right to stay away from the fandoms they have birthed.

Popularity in general being conflated to intellectual authority as well, especially on websites with public stats, particularly following counts. The algorithm is no benevolent god, but people will sometimes see someone with 30k followers and think they are correct on a minor non-issue that has spiraled into discourse, especially when compared to someone with 30 followers. This also is just...a bummer when fanon evolves into perceived canon, and newcomers to the fandom can't post even innocuous meta or headcanons without it being perceived as morally/intellectually incorrect.

Monetization of fanworks, but especially zines, have led to a hypercompetitive atmosphere that only escalates the bitterness and resentment. This is not a universal problem, but many zines across all fandoms habitually accept the same artists and writers, or diminish the value of fanfic due to the limitations of physical printing. The application process has devolved into such a disheartening debacle for a majority of people I see, and the way it is often framed as "your work just wasn't good enough" when it's really about what the mods deem mass marketable will destroy just about anyone's self-esteem after repetitive rejections, and will give some frequent zine runners a false sense of final say over the community (not usually, but it can happen).

The level of distrust for anyone new attempting to start a fan project is just so depressing nowadays (and this one we sadly can blame on a few people by name, but the ones who have sent this issue spiraling still don't care and that just sucks. I feel horrible for everyone who has been tricked).

Somehow comment and anonymous asks have gone backwards from "don't feed the trolls" to "suck it up, at least you're getting comments." I have seen some of these comments people have been told to suck up. It's not okay in general. It's particularly gross when it's an anonymous hate message unrelated to the fanworks themselves, perhaps born out of resentment or bearing an ulterior motive. And some will even attack and defame character due to identity. It's not subtle. It's not okay. People should absolutely be dunked on for this, and I gotta say I'm sick of unsolicited concrit being enforced as positive either. If they didn't ask, don't give it. There's a reason a lot of fic writers some people adore suddenly go ghost, and they can't even talk about it.

Don't like, don't read has been discarded in favor of don't like, tell others don't read and also don't write. Transformative works don't have to fit into a canon or even in character mold. That's why they're transformative! It's a different type of artistic expression. If you don't like it, chances are good it simply wasn't meant for you. It's not bad. Don't shame others, god especially not for non-issues such as a t/b preference or a different gender hc, preferred haircuts, types of animal you imagine them as in another lifetime, I could list literally anything here and I bet there has been a fandom fight over it.

Exclusive yet publicly advertised community Discords that will bar you from invite if you're not one of the cool kids. I have unfortunately fallen into this trap before, and refuse to ever enable or endorse that behavior ever again. This isn't about friend groups either, it's about fandom-dedicated servers that flaunt themselves as a VIP club instead of what they are: a friend group. I also don't even know how to broach the subject of private accounts that turn into fandom tea accounts with dozens if not hundreds of followers, only for people to be angry if someone isn't exactly okay with horrific stuff being said in general, let alone about their mutuals or friends.

I know none of this will likely ever change, and tbh i'm so tired of it all, but...does anyone else know what I mean? I'm stressed out whenever I try to enjoy myself, because popularity and a strange business mindset is steadily taking over fandom spaces. I'm not saying people should stop trying to make stuff that sells, or that people universally do any of this, but fandom is evolving into a thing I'm not sure is good. idk anymore

[eyesteeth]

fionna and cake e6 spoilers + thoughts on the endgame for this series

firstly, on ice prince: i think it's good for simon's development that he got to see this. but it could also be very bad if he doesn't allow himself to ruminate on it. ice prince spends most of the episode making simon feel like shit, because ice prince apparently conquered the madness of the crown out of sheer force of will, will that simon apparently lacked. and ice prince is living the life, having everything simon wishes he could have - the benefits of the crown with none of the downsides.

except, that's a lie. it's only until the very end of the episode is it revealed that he was actually broadcasting the madness of the crown into bubblegum, showing that this ideal cannot exist. the fun magical simon everyone claims to want is a falsehood. you cannot have the magic without the sadness and the madness.

what i find very curious about this universe is that it seems to run very similar to ooo. all the candy subjects are present, albeit mutilated by bubblegum's crown-influenced mind, and we even see a young ice marcy with the same axe bass ooo marcy has. so the simon of this universe had to have gone down nearly the exact same path as ooo simon, with a few exceptions:

he somehow had the thought to beam the madness away from him, implying he had help or some level of cognition or malice ooo ice king never had.

he and marcy are no longer on speaking terms (why recreate a person if you can just talk to them).

he's not obsessed with betty.

the last one of these is the one that stands out the most. the (outwardly) most functional simon we've seen so far does not care about betty. she died and he got over it. which leads me to my main thought about the ending of this series:

i don't think simon and betty should end up together.

their story is very much one of cycles, a loop of loss and finding and being lost again. simon has been grieving betty for decades, given how much finn's aged, yet simon never seemed to get out of the third and fourth stages of grief - he's cycling between depression and bargaining and seems to have been for a while. this is definitely not helped by being a normal man in a world full of magic when that magic can't even bring back the person he wants.

and if he does find her in the other multiverses, it wouldn't last. either she wouldn't be "his betty", or he'd become an anomaly just like fionna and cake, and would end up wreaking havoc anyway. he needs to accept that the woman he loves is gone. even if he somehow made his way to golbetty, betty's wish in the AT finale was to keep simon safe. golbetty is NOT safe, that's why she left so quickly during that battle. if he approaches her, there is no guarantee that she'll stay put. she could even boot him back to ooo.

much like his desire to get the crown and be magical again, his desire to find betty is founded on the falsehood that everything will be fine if he just has this one thing.

now, granted, this doesn't mean i wouldn't like to see him try. he is so dedicated to this line of thought that it's very likely he could end up regressing into ice king if they do manage to find a crown. that's the point of this kind of narrative, seeing the protagonist struggle and fail before eventually coming to the final realization. it's a story of grief and addiction, and those are never linear things. we still have four episodes left, and a lot could happen.

which, to that point, i think the marceline episode is going to be in the next batch, either e7 or e8. i am fairly confident this will be a world where either a) simon did not find the crown and died in the bombing, b) simon briefly spent time with marcy but died in an attack, or c) simon left marcy earlier and she ended up falling in with the vampires. her manner of dress in the trailer and promo image seems to suggest that this is a marcy who was either raised by her father and proudly wears the crown of vampire queen, or was raised by the vampires who were killing humans after the bombs. i believe this could only happen under those three circumstances.

this is going to be especially important for simon's development on two fronts. firstly, it shows that simon's time as himself was worth something. marceline is much better off having had his help during the years right after the bombing. even though he left in the end, what he did to help her prevented her from becoming whatever she is in this upcoming episode. and, secondly, it's a reminder that the marcy back at ooo is still someone he can talk to. just because she has a girlfriend/wife now doesn't mean that he's unwelcome in her life. it's the classic depression isolation, and maybe this realization will get him to break out of it somewhat.

also for future episodes, betty shows up in the trailer, and i'm willing to bet(ty) that this is going to be either e9 or e8, depending on how long simon's going to sit on this interaction and process it. i can see it being in the next batch if e9 and e10 are going to be the climax and resolution, but i can also see this betty scene happening in e9 and pushing him into regression and a mental spiral in e10, which is mostly him having a horrible time and the world of fionna and cake shaking up as a whole.

it's snowing over there now. maybe they get some earthquakes as foreshadowing to the breakdown simon's about to have. truly, who knows? we just gotta wait. but it will be interesting either way, i think.

[dedahblog]

Juha Bach staring silently at Ichigo while he's saying how he won't give up if someone were to take his place referring to what Rukia did when she lost her powers

There are so many ichiruki gems in the final arc and I'm here to prove it

The context of this scene is very important

We had Ichigo killing the soul king because his quincy blood was driving him to then Ukitake released the right hand of the soul king. Juha bach tried to stop it from reforming the soul king back however Ichigo blocked him so that Yoruichi could make a shihioun's spell to recreate a new soul king

Juha Bach didn't even seem fazed, he didn't fight Ichigo back. He knew he could destroy it again

This was not his major concern right now. He calmly asked Ichigo why he wanted to protect the soul king and the soul society when everything in his blood was urging him to annihilate them

It's interesting to note that Ichigo didn't deny that claim.

Ichigo told him this wasn't just about the shinigami. He came to protect everyone : the real world not just his family or friends, the soul society not just his shinigami friends and the hueco mundo not just Nel and her friends.

It was written as a parallel to this scene : when Ichigo had said to Rukia that he only fights to protect his family.

Of course, we know this was not the full picture. Ichigo hadn't been that egocentric when he used to be a kid. The reason he didn't want to protect strangers was because he was scared. His family could get killed the moment he didn't keep an eye on them, just like his mother

Juha Bach may seem like a typical villian trying to shake the hero morals but this train of thoughts about being arrogant was basically what Ichigo had been thinking at first.

According to Ichigo from ch 1 , his 9 year old self's arrogance and naivety to save everyone was the reason his mother died protecting him.

No one can help everyone. There is always a downside : someone has to die while the other has to pay the price of being protected.

(Interesting enough the first time Ichigo let go of this cynism and fear was when Rukia was abducted as I explained in one of my meta )

Then when Ichigo said this line. The whole dynamic parallel became clear

Juha bach's speech was referring to Ichigo's pragmatic and depressing world view he had at the start of the serie.

While Ichigo was fully adopting Rukia's ideals "Even if someone (himself ) were to take my place (were to have all her shinigami powers) it doesn't mean I (Rukia ) should turn my (her) back and run from all of this"

We know as a fact that Juha Bach's blood flows in every quincy. "Old man zangetsu" has been in Ichigo's inner world since the day he was born. He has witnessed everything that happened to Ichigo and he has known him the best.

Juha Bach didn't question him anymore on why he wanted to side with the shinigami, why he took so much pride being one.

He got his answer.

I see so it is her

His expression shifted from indignation/desdain -> boredom-> anger to understanding.

[windwardstar]

[Image description: two photos showing my chest which has the double incisions and grafts from top surgery, and slightly newer scars from a revision The first photo is straight on, the other at an angle. End description]

My chest is finally flat! And healed enough to show off!

I didn't post a lot about getting top surgery last summer and that was because from the first few days it was very clear to me that I had been left with a lot of excess skin and tissue, that my surgeon hadn't made my chest flat. It caused a bunch of dysphoria and I had to consciously force myself to disengage from ruminating over how my chest still wasn't right. And then spent the past year dissociating from my chest to the same or greater degree than I had pre surgery. I also didn't want the mental health struggles I went through because of it or any photos to be used against others to convince them not to even have top surgery because look this person had surgery and it came out bad and didn't solve any of the problems and only made things worse.

But at the start of the month I was able to get my revision where the excess tissue and skin was removed. And it is something I love and no longer have to avoid thinking about, looking at, or touching.

So this post is for that. A (delayed) celebration of finally getting to feel comfortable in my own skin. Because the first time I had to deal with a lot of post-op depression, and this time I've not had any. (The only downside is that now I get distracted by how flat my chest is and doing happy dances and the have to rush to finish getting dressed so I'm not late to work)

And also to say, I was fortunate in knowing myself well enough to know that the problem wasn't that I regretted getting the surgery or that my failure to feel the joy wasn't because I made the wrong choice, but because i was still left with something that caused me dysphoria in the same way it had prior and that a revision to make my chest properly flat would fix it. I also got told by people that my chest looked fine that I didnt need to get a second surgery, but now post-revision everyone can see the difference and agrees it looks better. Don't let other people make you doubt yourself when it comes to pursuing revisions or top surgery in the first place.

[liviavanrouge]

Styx Livia Au

Let me just start off by saying, it came as a shock to Diasomnia when they were informed that Livia had an accident

Ortho tells them that Livia got injured fighting Idia and it got worse when she suddenly coughed up a ton of blot

Livia is actually revived by Idia himself

The only downside is that she doesn't know who anyone is other than the Ignyhide students

She has to stay contained in a room for three days due to attacking some of the workers

Ortho is the one who teaches her emotions, learning with her as he learns about his new "heart*

Silver is the most devastated and ends up being silent much more often

Livia runs into him and informs him that she looked up cures for depression

It ends up confusing her when Silver walks the other way

Idia cannot handle Livia, she's too troublesome and threatens people a lot with her blasters

Livia on the other hand does instinctively get closer with Epel, Rozzie, Azul and Kalim

It confuses her as to why she feels care for these people

Ortho isn't able to answer her question, fearing that she'd short circuit

Mr and Mrs Shroud become unofficial parents to Livia

She enjoys being around them

Helps them whenever she can

And even makes them digital drawings she's thought up

She literally becomes an unofficial member, and they absolutely love her!

Livia spends more time at Styx than at NRC, due to Crowley fearing for what she might blow up

No matter what, Livia is always present during phantom testing

Most of the time she activates her defense mechanism and ends up destroying more dangerous phantoms

"Livia, you can't keep blowing up the experiments!" "He bad, he very bad! Needed blowy uppie!"

She leaves Styx more than anyone, even though she's the most powerful Android that has been created there

Something astounding happened one day while Livia was at NRC

She approached Silver and called him big brother

She's immediately taken back by Idia and Ortho to be analyzed

Everyone finds out that Livia regained memories that had Silver in them

The only other person she remembered was SILVER

Silver out of everyone in the school, she started to remember

Silver is allowed to keep Livia now that she knows who he is

"What now, big brother?" "Ah...we go back to the school"

He's relieved she remembers him, but is still hurt since he misses the alive Livia

The human Livia...his real sister

Things go back to normal, but Livia notices that Silver is a bit distant with her

She doesn't push

People need their own time to recover

Livia remembering him helped with his depression

But he's still mostly silent and distant with everyone

Mr and Mrs Shroud gift Livia a charging tree

She got so excited, the lights blew out

"THE LIGHTS!!!" "My, my, who knew such a gift could make her do that..."

Livia doesn't need to recharge daily

She can go four days without charging, but she's usually sleeping like a jaguar in her charging tree

As mentioned before, Livia spends a lot of her days at Styx

Which means Silver doesn't get to see her often

Livia does work like paperwork, guarding the workers during experiments, patrolling the halls, etc

She hangs around Mrs Shroud a lot, and even brings the woman food to eat

There are times where things poke at the back of Livias head

She says it's like her mind is trying to make her remember something

She shrugs it off though and continues working

She's surprised when she gets gifts sent to her by Leona and Vil

But she returns the gifts, leaving letters that say she has no need for them

Unknowingly she hurt their feelings

Leona is the one to snap first, yelling at Idia about this being his fault

Vil snaps afterwards, which worries Golden

Idia starts working on a way to restore Livias memories

No luck

Everything was lost

And Livia bring the most powerful Android in Styx

They couldn't afford to update her memory base

She might end up being too strong to control

Livia ends up singing Once Upon a December in front of Idia

It made Idia burst into tears

"I-IDIA?!" "I'M SORRY!! I'M SO SORRY, THIS IS MY FAULT!!"

Idia broke down due to the song, because....

It was the last song Livia sang to him before he himself killed her and caused the blot to appear

Livia had sang the song to him, trying to snap him out of his overblot state

The last words of her song made him freeze

It made him realize what he did

And Livia died because of his mistake

Livia comforts him as he cried, patting his back

He hugs her tight, crying and apologizing

She's confused about why he was apologizing to her but forgives him

Idia did not take it well...

"I-It's alright! I forgive you!" "NO!!!! YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO!!!!!!"

He screamed at her to get out

Ortho had to pull a startled and hurt Livia out of the room before Idia's hair busted into flames

Idia stayed holed up in his room for three weeks

She always dropped off food outside his door each day

And would even bring him new figurines

She does check to see if he got the items

He always did and left a thank you note

When he came out, he apologized for screaming at her

Livia easily forgives him and starts to hang out with him again

Idia just smiles and pats her head

Lilia offered Idia some of his cooking to make him feel better

Livia nearly blew his head off...........

It was lucky that Lilia dodged or he'd be missing a head

Something inside her deep within her memory made her react that way

As if someone screamed danger at her at the sight of the pot in the faes hands

Lilia does not take her hostility towards him well

To be honest, he visibly cried in front of everyone the moment he saw Android Livia

"My baby doesn't remember me...this is too cruel!!!" "Father...."

Livia at times ends up coming to see Lilia, bothering him with endless questions

She doesn't know why!

Whenever she has a question

He just comes to mind instantly

Her mind tell her that his cooking is dangerous

But it also tells her to go annoy him endlessly

Lilia genuinely enjoys her company

He answers her questions with amusement

And at times entertains her with magic tricks

"WOWIE! AMAZING!!" "I know right, wanna see more?" "Yes!!"

He sees the real Livia in this Android one

Even though she's different and doesn't remember him

She's still his precious baby girl

Even though she's not the Livia he once knew

The Ramshackle quadruple are visited by Livia a lot

She brings them blankets, groceries, clothes, etc, etc

She even helps fix the dorm up AND cooks them food

Grim at times stares at her but runs away when she moves to speak with him

Oz avoids her as much as he can but he does greet her when she visits

Aura is always seen reading a book on revival spells

Livia got totally freaked out

Ollie, poor sweet Ollie, bursts into tears whenever Livia gives her a daisy

Livia wonders why she cares about two humans, a bear beastman and a strange cat beast so much

Once again, she shrugs it off

She WANTS to remember these people

She WANTS to be around them

But something in her mind is telling her that she doesn't deserve to know

That she doesn't deserve happiness

That.....she's a danger to everyone

Everyone stops seeing Livia more often after those thoughts occur

Idia informs them that she started overworking herself at Styx

She refuses to leave....

[taihua]

20 questions for fic writers

Tagged by @gekidasa whose answers were excellent to read at 2am when I couldn't sleep <3

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 91

2. What's your total AO3 word count? 437,726

3. What fandoms do you write for? TGCF obviously is the main one, and Tolkien fic is something I regularly write because it feels like going home. I dipped my toes into Genshin fic this year and I've been known to randomly drop one-off fics for other fandoms when the brainworms hit!

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

After Hours. The magnum opus. Deserves its place at the top.

I Want to Ki** You. I never expected this fic to get so popular so it amuses me that it's still near the top.

Further Precautions. Dumb humor win!

Carved in bone, heart engraved. The trope inversion amnesia fic!

Bet On It. So near and dear to my heart that I have spent the last two years trying to scrub off the serial numbers for publication and if that ever happens, it'll be amusing to see who recognizes it.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? I used to, but then a depression era hit and now I have Inbox (666) and it fills me with dread to look at the number. I do read each and every comment and 9 times out of 10 I start tearing up even if it's something short like "loved this, thanks!"

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? I'm too sappy to do actual unhappy endings, but Still Have Time sort of implies a cycle of toxic breakups that can't be fixed.

... I also forgot that I have that one Celebrimbor/Annatar pre-torture fic, which is objectively much worse than breakups now that I think about it. Does it count when Tolkien is the one who wrote the death-by-torture ending for Tyelpë, though?

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? All of them!!!!! But I'll nominate Money Maker, because it's the only fic I think I have ever written, for any fandom, that involves the couple getting married at the end. I bullied them so hard in this AU that I decided they earned it.

8. Do you get hate on fics? Never in the comments themselves, but I saw people being dicks about my writing on Twitter every now and then, which is the unfortunate downside of having a well-known fic in fandom. Not everyone has to like my fics, but like... I can see what you're saying on the public forum in the community that I myself am active in, guys.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? *gestures at my AO3 profile*

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written? The most I've done is throw in a cameo from other MXTX fandoms, and I guess that one self-indulgent Sk8/tgcf fic that lives in my drafts and will never see the light of day. I just don't find "they meet!" to be enough of a plot to be worth reading or writing. The thought of writing all that introducing sounds like hell, sorry.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Yup, there was that time the person almost word-for-word replicated Still Have Time. They claimed it was an accident and apologized before taking it down when I commented, but that wasn't fun. I felt like a jerk for commenting even though it was blatant theft; they even left kudos on my fic :/

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Yes, I have a handful of my fics translated into Russian thanks to some Twitter pals!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Sadly no. I always thought this would be fun, though, so if anyone wants to try it sometime... just sayin'........ my inbox open....

14. What's your all-time favorite ship? 300,000+ of my AO3 wordcount is for Fengqing and they're always going to be one of the most specialest ships ever for me for many reasons, but I also feel like I have to give a shoutout to Maedhros/Fingon in Tolkien fandom for being my longest-running ship? I got into them in high school and they're the ship that I feel I can just sit down and write something for them whenever I want.

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will? There was that Fengqing police AU I started and I thought it would be good, but it ended up not really feeling like them and that was part of what pushed me to focus on original writing instead of fanfic this year. Funnily enough, I Frankensteined some of the concepts from that AU into Constellate, which is to date my only unfinished WIP on AO3. I never really had a plan for what I was doing with that fic and I thought I could just power through it, which failed miserably.

16. What are your writing strengths? Humor, probably! It's hard to be funny in writing, but I do try.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? I have about a year's worth of fic that needs to be line edited and reposted because I was cueing--sentences like "He felt that he was afraid" rather than "His heart pounded in his chest" etc. A writing teacher pointed it out to me this summer and I've been consciously trying to fix it, but I know a lot of my fics are worse because of this.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? I never see this done well in fic. Personally, if I'm writing Chinese characters in China in an English language fic, it's implied that they're speaking Chinese, so there's no need to stick "Hao jiu bu jian" in quotation marks, yknow? It only makes sense to change languages if it's implied that this section of language is different from the rest of the narrative, and even then it can be distracting in a bad way to have it written out rather than saying "'Hello,' he greeted in French."

19. First fandom you wrote for? Lord of the Rings probably. I'm not going to look at my FFN profile to check.

20. Favorite fic you've written? I have lots of favorites for lots of reasons, but I'll give a shoutout to No smoke without fire this time because it's my only OC-centric fic and I'm happy that people like it anyway even though OCs aren't really a thing in danmei fandom.

Tagging: I will take the lazy route and say steal it and tag me. I like reading answers to these

[jechristine]

I read this article today and thought it did a nice job of providing context for the WGA and SAG-AFSTRA negotiations.

I’m going to paste in some excerpts—

On the alienation of the creative laborer from his product:

“Television has turned into a hyperspecialized Model T assembly line where everyone does one particular tiny job,” says Schur. “You focus really hard on screwing this bolt into this piece of metal, and that’s all you do. And as a result, nobody’s learning how to make a whole car. The battle now is to figure out which patches we can put on the process so that in five or ten years, people will still know how to make TV.”

On the signifiers of “prestige” and their easy appropriation (I think this is a main problem of Euphoria, actually):

It may not have helped that some streaming services thought their recommendation algorithms could replace old-fashioned marketing, which made it easy for even great shows to come and go without causing a ripple. In an attempt to make their wares stand out among the glut, some platforms simply spent more money on them with mixed results. Over time, the expensive signifiers of prestige TV — the movie stars, the set pieces, the cinematography — became so familiar and easy to appropriate that it could take viewers six or seven hours to realize the show they were watching was a fugazi. “Premium and streaming have been chasing more of a film attitude than a TV attitude, which is making shows more expensive but oftentimes not as good as they used to be,” says Ryan. “You’re seeing ideas that should’ve been movies being elongated into eight episodes, and they don’t have the narrative engines to sustain them for that long.”

And this is super depressing. On the closing window for a diversity of voices:

One of the best things about the boom was that it created space for stories and voices that had usually been marginalized. But as Hollywood reverts to what it thinks are sure things, many fear that TV may lose some of that diversity. “I recently spoke to the writers of a show that would’ve featured a trans lead,” Nori Reed, a comic and writer, says in an email. “After years of development at a major studio, they were told they had to change the trans character to cis if they wanted the show to be produced. Another friend was developing a show at another major studio that featured a central trans story line. Their show was canceled. When their manager tried to shop it to other studios, they were told that nobody wants to produce trans-focused shows any longer, citing the need for ‘global appeal.’”

And on to the unsurprising but depressing future:

Many in the industry have conjectured that the streaming ecosystem may eventually shrink to four major platforms. If that’s the case, then we’d have sacrificed cable only to replace it with a broadcast-style monopoly. A world with fewer apps could have immediate downsides for both consumers and creators. A number of streamers have raised their prices recently, and less competition would embolden them to do so again. More significantly, anyone making shows would likely lose negotiating power.

Would love to read thoughts about this piece if anyone else is interested!

[erabundus]

HERE WE GO  —  the  long  awaited  ren  modernverse  post  that  i  totally  haven't  been  procrastinating  on  for  ages.  (  i  have.  )  i'm  going  to  do  a  very  general  overview  of  the  AU  here,  because  there's  a  lot  of  little  interconnecting  parts  and  headcanons and backstories ( as well as development over discord )  involving  other  muses  and  i  really  don't  want  to  step  on  any  toes  or  necessitate  a  ton  of  required  reading.  just  a  brief *  summary  to  make  interacting  easier.

( * not brief, i can never keep anything short. )

ren  was  born  very  shortly  after  makoto's  death  to  a  mother  understandably  wracked  with  grief.  though  they  had  little  family  to  speak  of,  they  were  quite  well  off  financially  —  owing  to  ei's  status  as  the  ceo  of  a  prolific  power  company.  as  a  way  to  force  some  sense  of  normalcy,  to  cope  with  both the  loss  as  well  as  her  child's  eerie  resemblance  to  her  departed  twin,  ei  threw  herself  body  and  soul  into  her  work.  this  meant  the  majority  of  ren's  childhood  was  spent  completely  alone,  and  though  he  never  had  any  reason  to  want  for  much  materially,  he  was  still  quite  miserable  and  desperate  for  affection.  he  would  do  whatever  he  could  to  possibly  gain  the  ATTENTION  he  craved  —  culminating  in  taking  up  an  interest  in  dance,  of  all  things.  he  had  believed  if  he  could  only  find  one  thing  that  he  was  really  good  at,  and  hone  that  skill  until  he  was  utterly  PERFECT,  perhaps  then  his  mother  would  be  impressed  enough  to  acknowledge  him.

unfortunately,  things  didn't  go  according  to  plan.  he  was  talented  —  incredibly  so,  and  he  certainly  wasn't  lacking  in  ENTHUSIASM  for  the  art.  though  he  received  praise  and  recognition,  he  was  never  able  to  get  it  from  the  one  person  he  was  most  desperate  to  hear  from.  (  just  say  you're  proud.  just  remember  i  EXIST.  )  ultimately  this  led  to  a  lot  of  deeply  unhealthy  resentment  towards  his  mother.  as  a  result,  ren  focused  less  on  the  individual  and  more  on  the  crowd  —  obsessing  over  gaining  the  adoration  of  the  masses.  someone  please  love  him.  someone  please  pay  attention  to  him. he moved out of his childhood home as soon as he was able, and tried to turn his talent into a genuine career.

while  he  did  see  success,  it  wasn't  without  its  downsides.  immense  strain  on  his  body.  repeated  injuries.  he  hurt  himself  —  over  and  over  and  over  again, then kept going regardless.  pushing  himself  to  an  UNHEALTHY  degree  that  could  have  very  well  led  to  permanent  injury  had it  been  allowed  to  go on.

however,  a  certain  incident  when  he  was  twenty  led  to  the  death  of  nearly  everyone  he  loved  —  and  in  his  grief,  ren  could  no  longer  muster  the  will  to  continue.

he  spent  over  a  year  languishing  in  a  very  deep  DEPRESSION,  only  ever  putting forth  the  effort  to  pretend  he  isn't  completely  in  shambles  in  front  of  farrow,  taiyang  and  anhe.  in  time,  he  eventually  stumbled  upon  the  world  of  STREAMING  —  and  while  it  was  never  his  intention  to  make  a  big  deal  out  of  it,  ren  decided  to  give  it  a  go.  he  used  his  streams  mostly  as  an  opportunity  to  vent  his  frustrations  in  a  somewhat  healthy  way  —  doing  something  he  genuinely  enjoyed  (  gaming  )  while  taking  out  his  wealth  of  anger  on  the  teammates  and  enemies  alike  who  irritated  him.  it  was  more  like  an  unconventional  form  of  video  diary.  however,  by  some  strange  stroke  of  luck,  he  actually  began  cultivating  an  audience.

his  pretty  face  was  enough  to  draw  people  in  —  yet  some  decided  to  stay  for  the  entertainment  his  sharp  tongue  provided.  as  his  popularity  grew,  ren's  despair  simmered  to  a  more  manageable  state.  instead,  he  found  himself  slipping  back  into  a  familiar  (  toxic  )  mindset.  valuing  his  self-worth  entirely  on  what  other  people  thought  of  him,  how  much  of  their  attention  he  could  command,  how  much  money  he  could  earn  from  their  affection.  he's  received  a  fair  bit  of  criticism  for  his  cultivating  of  a  distinctly  PARASOCIAL  relationship  with  his  fanbase  —  but  the  truth  is,  ren  needs  the  recognition  of  his  followers  just  as  much  as  they  crave  recognition  from  him.

MISC HEADCANONS UNDER THE CUT ...

he's  twenty  four  by  default;  he's  been  streaming  for  about  three  years.

farrow is a mod on his streams.

his username is technically ❝ wanderer,  ❞ but he'll also answer to ren — and a lot of his fans do just default to calling him ren.

he  often  gets  just  as  much  hate  as  he  does  positivity,  but  he  doesn't  really  care  because  negative  publicity  is  still  publicity.  someone  once  tried  to  cancel  him  on  twitter  over  his  nasty  personality  and  he  held  an  official  #wandererisoverparty  on  stream  where  he  read  out  hate  tweets with genuine delight.

he isn't the most popular content creator, but he has enough of a following to comfortably pay his half of the apartment's rent and have a line of merch.

ren only ever really leaves the apartment to go on walks through nature or swing through his favorite coffee shop. or break into heizou's house and rearrange the furniture.

doesn't drink often, but has an absurd alcohol tolerance when he does.

he suffers from horrible insomnia and actively has to hide his dark circles with makeup. he tries to compensate by drinking massive amounts of caffeine — which, while effective, has left him with a dependency that gives him splitting headaches whenever he skips out on his tea or coffee.

swears a lot more than canon ren. which is to say, he actually swears at all. in general, the way he speaks and holds himself is more relaxed in comparison — because he has had a rough life, but not to the extent of canon ren, and not for nearly as long.

dresses differently when he's walking around casually verses when he's streaming.

he tends to prefer either pvp games where he can spin his irritation with others into a source of entertainment or calm singleplayer games like minecraft or stardew valley where he can just vibe.

his tongue and both ears are pierced — the left with an additional industrial piercing.

shares his apartment with kazuha! they are boyfriends.

he also has a number of tattoos. some resemble canon ren's markings, others look almost as though his body has been repaired with kintsugi.

[paperboy-pb]

One of the big themes I want to emphasize in PB is disability acceptance.

As "PAPERBOY" progresses, I'm gonna be showing off how much it hurts to live in a world without it-- having people not accept you solely because of conditions you can only help so much is horrible. And we all deserve to be accepted as we are by the people around us.

But at the same time, you shouldn't feel obligated to love every part of your disability either. Self-acceptance doesn't come naturally to everyone. And who knows, maybe your disability really does get in the way sometimes!

Amelia, Aza, Rudy, etc. don't really mind their situations. They're just used to it, and it barely bothers them, if at all. But maybe you're not like them!

Maybe you're like Wilbur & his Blindness, where your disability is taking away things you loved, leaving you to grieve.

Or maybe you're like Linus & his Epilepsy, where you've found a way to make life work for you but still think it's annoying sometimes.

Maybe you're like Karl & his Down Syndrome; it's not something that you can hide, but sometimes, you wish you could. It'd be nice to blend in with everyone else for a second, you know?

Or maybe you're like Matthew & his health conditions, and you've faced a lifetime of abuse for being born that way. And you're having a hard time accepting yourself as a result.

Or maybe you're like me & only recently got diagnosed with something. And you don't know how to handle it.

...

I got 4, if you're wondering. Autism. Asthma. MDD. But a while back, I found out that I've been suffering PTSD, too. And I didn't take it well. Honestly, I'm still not.

I don't know if it ever truly goes away, and I don't want to live with it. I'm not going anywhere, of course. But I've worked hard enough, man, give me a break! Am I supposed to just be okay knowing that I'm gonna keep having flashbacks & nightmares over stupid shit nobody understands? Having a TV in my head that constantly loops home videos I never wanted to see again?

It's not fair. I'm not even 20. I shouldn't have such dark, smudged skin under my eyes.

I revel in being autistic. I've made it work for me, and in my case, I find almost no downsides. And I don't really mind my Asthma anymore. I've had it pretty much my whole life now, & I'm kinda just used to it. Same thing with Depression, although I'm obviously not happy to have that one, either.

With PTSD though, it's newer. I've only had symptoms for a few years, and I've only known what was wrong for one. And I have to worry.

Is something gonna set it off? What do I do when it acts up? I'm interested in someone-- is my PTSD gonna be too much for them to handle? I feel weak, and if anything, I'm mad at me for getting traumatized in the first place!

I know I was a kid & that the trauma was genuinely bad, but... I'm a bit of a New York hard-ass. I'm supposed to be tougher than this, man! I was supposed to come out on top, brush it off & overcome it like I'm the shit.

A life with something as debilitating as PTSD is not what I had in mind. It's like... an injury, almost. You look at the damage and go, "Are you fucking kidding me?!"

And I know I have to learn to accept life with PTSD one day. Because if I don't accept myself, I'm gonna be fighting myself & making it worse as hell. But I don't like how it holds me back in life. Or the toll it's taken on my body. And y'know what, we disabled people can be mad about that shit!

Why shouldn't we?

...

We're allowed to be hurt over it. We're allowed to be angry, annoyed, displeased, or whatever else we feel about it.

Getting back to Paperboy, we already know that Matthew struggles with being a disabled kid because he's been brought up to believe that being so is synonymous with worthlessness & inferiority. Not only that, but it's been a lot of bad people's "excuse" for targeting him. So... he hates it.

And that's okay for now. It's his to think about. Not anybody else's.

But he's not going to stay there, either. Because if you wanna live your life to the fullest, you're gonna need to live *with* disability. Because it is a part of life. Like it or not. And one day, he'll find a way to live with that.

If you notice anybody struggling with internalized ableism, or disability grief, or even just frustration... help them, but don't push them into acceptance too hard, either. It's a process.

Trust the process.

[lets-talk-spirituality]

Let’s Talk About: Tattoos, Body Modifications & Spitiuality

Similar to how changing your name or phone number can impact the numerology of your life, alterations to your physical form can impact your soul and spirituality. We’re gonna touch on tattoos, piercings, cosmetic surgery, gender modification, and even hair dying. Let’s begin!

Tattoos

Tattoos, specifically permanent ink tattoos, are extremely popular in modern times and have been used throughout human history as a way to outwardly show authority, respect, power, strength and more. I actually took a class in college on text technologies and we looked at tattoos as a text. Anyway, the choice to get a tattoo is personal for everyone, but I personally take this extremely seriously because tattoos and their meanings can impact your energy.

For example, I was really depressed and I loved the idea of getting a tattoo of the word “bleak” because that’s how I felt. As cool and edgy as I thought it would look, I couldn’t bring myself to get it permanently inscribed on my skin because I didn’t want to continue to feel bleak and I feel very strongly getting a word like that put on my skin would attract that energy to me. To represent my depression, I instead got the phrase “this too shall pass” tattooed, ironically during the pandemic. And to me, it reminds me that everything is temporary and survivable. When I get depressed I will become happy again at some point and when I’m happy I will become sad again. That’s life.

There is also a new thing with tattooing you can do where they mix the ashes of a loved one with the ink and tattoo you with that. Personally, this freaks me out. As I explained before, our souls connect with our body and that is partially why when people get organ transplants they may pick up hobbies or skills of the donor. The concept of embodying someone’s ashes as a way to commemorate them just makes me feel like you are absorbing someone’s essence permanently and not only does that keep some of the energy of that person embodied through you, but it also means you are attracting things tied to the energy of that person. To each their own, but when I read about this trend, I was fucking horrified.

Overall, tattoos can actually help you express your true essence and if done authentically, it can be a way to strengthen your soul/body connection by making your outside look more similar to how you feel inside.

Piercings

Like tattoos, I believe thought should be given to where piercings are placed because they can impact energetic flow. Metal is an energetic conductor right? This is why people can become super attached to certain jewelry pieces, because they hold a lot of energy in the metal. I’ll share more about essence charging in another post. Overall, piercings can help you express yourself and make you feel more like yourself and there isn’t really a downside, as long as it feels right to you.

Cosmetic Surgery

Cosmetic surgery has become more and more popular, with fillers and Botox nearly common procedures at this point. This concept is complex to me because on the one hand, I believe we were created beautifully, each and every one of us, and ideally we would come to full acceptance of ourselves as we are. But on the other hand, I’m aware of the way societal influences can impact self image. I deeply struggle with my body image and feel at times I struggle with low grade Body Dysmorphia. Sadly, I think so much plastic surgery is done out of a place of self rejection, but I also understand there are things that feel unacceptable. I think cosmetic surgery can allow someone to feel more like themselves and ultimately, we were born in a time period where this is an option for a reason.

I also think we need to understand that for many, the body is a map of trauma. Personally, in high school, I gained a lot of weight because I had untreated depression and was living through a very toxic home environment on top of being in a really demanding academic and artistic environment. I’ve lost the weight, but when I see my loose skin, my stretch marks, it pains me because it reminds me how I hurt myself, it reminds me of why I gained that weight to begin with. There’s a part of me that feels like I ruined my body, and I’m extremely self conscious about how I look. I have some small scars from self harm that I’ve covered up with a tattoo. For some, having excess skin removed allows them to see themselves more clearly instead of constantly be confronted with a body that still indicates a past self that they no longer identify with.

The only thing I will say is before you make a decision, really sit with this, as many people for example have had breast implants and fillers removed because they felt they were impacting their body. I do think that some of these implants can effect how energy flows through the body. Other procedures such as removing skin or fat I think are a little different because you aren’t putting something foreign into your body, but removing what you don’t need. In many ways, that can be very freeing.

Gender Modification

I think this follows along the lines of cosmetic surgery for me. On the one hand you could argue that we were all born with the bodies we were meant to have, but I think for people experiencing gender dysphoria or even just people who fall outside of the binary, gender modification can be very freeing and help them connect more deeply with who they feel they are. Ultimately, coming to a place of self acceptance is the most important thing.

Hair dye

It’s a collective cliche that a woman cuts her hair after a breakup for a reason. Cutting or coloring your hair can be an amazing way to shift your energy because you get to see yourself differently immediately. This to me, isn’t as serious, because it’s not permanent. I think hair changes can be very empowering for embracing a new version of yourself you are becoming.

Quick note on balding and hair plugs, I would consider these pretty significant body modifications in terms of how much it effects appearance, but ultimately, I think this can really impact someone’s confidence because it’s something that everyone can see. It’s sort of the same with cosmetic dental procedures. I don’t think there are really any negative energetic impacts with either of these procedures, but they can be significantly freeing for the people who struggle with these issues. They begin to smile again and move through the world differently.

Other body modifications

I had a friend who growing up had his legs surgically broken so that he could be taller. This is an example of other body modifications. I find this one to be pretty extreme and was part of his mother trying to force him to uphold a certain version of masculinity. I’m all for people taking control of their bodies to feel more confident, but ideally you want to be making these decisions from an empowered place, not from a place of pain or upholding old ways of being.

Some people also engage in intentional scarring or burning rituals. I know some African-American frats get branded (I know because I’ve seen the brand on some Omega coworkers I used to work with) and it’s really symbolic. It’s also very intense and pretty bad ass. For them, I think it’s tied a lot to reclaiming blackness from the past of American slavery where slaves were branded and it’s also something that bonds them together.

In conclusion

Ultimately body modification can lead to increased self acceptance and can be a form of healing. For example, some breast cancer survivors will get gorgeous tattoos over where they had a breast removed and I think, like in my self harm case, this can be a way to heal and change the narrative our body is showing to us and the world.

In an ideal world, we would all feel we could embrace our bodies as they are, but that can be extremely challenging and many find more peace and joy after making a change. I only caution that people take these changes seriously because while certain procedures may not impact how your energy flows, the change in appearance can change how you feel about yourself and show up in the world. Which in turn, effects what and who you attract. It can shift things drastically! Happy modifying.