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vaguely-concerned · 2 years ago

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listen I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore but on this playthrough of DA2 I found myself once more entranced and heartbroken to see hawke reenact their relationship with their mother with the entire cursed city of kirkwall. you can never do enough for leandra, and you can never do enough for kirkwall. leandra is proud of you, and kirkwall uplifts its champion, but no matter how hard you try for them you can't fix everything there that's broken, no one could, and even the fact that anyone would feel the burning responsibility to take that task on is a huge warning sign on its own. leandra will easily allow you to sacrifice yourself on the altar of the family's continued well-being again and again, even when she'll beg you to spare the twins from the same thing. it's such a sad, painfully realistic thing because I truly don't think leandra meant to fuck up her kids, and yet she primed her oldest for an abusive toxic codependent relationship with an entire ongoing dumpster fire of a city state better than she ever could have if she had meant to.

I think what leandra actually, deep down wants from you is something you can never ever give her and that is cruel to ask of anyone, but especially your kid -- to bring her back to a time when she was happy. to reclaim when you were all happy, when nothing was broken that couldn't be fixed, before malcolm died, before you had to leave behind bethany or carver's broken body on the ground. to get her childhood back from where she left it and found it all gone and in ruins when she returned. 'this is all your fault'. this is the tragedy of parenthood sometimes I think, that capacity to define a life: she said that once, in a moment of profound pain, and she probably wouldn't have said it under other circumstances and she apologizes later, but now hawke has to live with that forever. leandra can't bear her own emotions without letting them spill over onto someone else so she won't have to hold the discomfort of them anymore, and hawke is left to shoulder that burden and responsibility again and again, handed the impossible task of making it all okay again, somehow -- of stopping anything bad from ever happening again in the Nr 1 Bad Things Constantly Happening capital of thedas.

and then at the same time there's the mirror of how varric's whole family wants orzammar back (and to him orzammar is just a ghost he's seen in their eyes -- there's something in his voice when he says 'That stupid plate was the whole city of Orzammar to him' that gets me every time, how much he understands that he doesn't understand and how lonely that makes him among them, and on top of it all he's frustrated and ashamed and sad that he just doesn't get it and can't meet them on it -- like it's a betrayal that he actually belongs up here, when varric wants so badly to be loyal), just as the hawkes want happiness back. (I don't think it's Lothering in itself that longing is for, it's for being together. Lothering was just the place they stayed the longest.) they're all in exile, even as they try to make a new home out of that exile.

(varric and hawke's real 🤝 quality across all personalities, affinities and choices is 'parentified child' lmao. so much of varric's character makes perfect sense once you know he grew up supporting a mother who was an emotionally volatile alcoholic, honestly. between varric, the hawkes, isabela, seb if you have him and merrill's whole Situation with marethari I feel like DA2 covertly is to mommy issues what ME2 is to daddy issues fjsdjfa)

basically I think I'm trying to pick apart exactly why the fact that leandra is clearly proud of hawke and tells them so several times doesn't feel like it helps at all, almost feels more like a cage even though it's clearly meant well? and what I'm getting is that it's because my sense of what hawke actually needs, in general but especially from a parent, isn't admiration or approval but to be loved and supported and understood. I don't believe leandra ever quite understands them, and it scares her because it makes her think she maybe never even understood malcolm. (that's the subtext of a lot of what leandra will say about him in legacy, at least. he's slipping away from her as the years pass after his death and she fears she never really had him in the first place, if he had secrets like these.) she consistently treats her oldest more like a partner or peer than as her child, which considering hawke is always described as being very similar to their father… I mean I totally see how that could be easy to slip into for her after he died especially, but it doesn't make it any less fucked up or unfair.

the real leandra in legacy is. she is SO absurdly self-centered, if you really pay attention. I don't want to keep dunking on her because I don't think she's like this on purpose, but it boggles my mind. if you do the quest in act 1 she gets so upset and overwhelmed that the kids just sort of sit there like :( at the end, which adds to the trend that through the game you constantly see hawke comforting leandra, and you pretty much never see leandra comforting hawke, beyond some light vaguely encouraging comments in passing. if you do legacy in act 2 while she's still alive hawke comes to her, tentatively asking if malcolm ever spoke to her about any of it -- clearly requesting some sort of emotional support or help to make sense of it. she then expresses her side of it, but never once does she say anything to the effect of 'hey that was a lot to go through, are you okay after all that?'.

instead she essentially hands them the responsibility of having a good life, to repay what malcolm did for all of them. and in theory that's not the worst takeaway I suppose, malcolm probably would want them all to be happy, but in the moment it only feels like more expectation heaped upon you somehow? especially since you don't really get to express anything about how it made you feel before she goes to the 'ah no use complaining' zone (after SHE got to express her grief at feeling like she's losing more and more of that old life, and hawke barely got to say anything fhsfalkjfs). in general she really doesn't do much like. parenting, does she haha. there is so much love there in that relationship, and yet so little comfort. Oh, those days. All of us, in that simple place. Well, that's neither here nor there, is it. This life, we have to make the best of it. And thanks to you, and him, I will. Oh well, mum, I'm uh. I'm glad you feel better after that, at least. Nice to be of service.

it's varric's ghost-leandra who actually acknowledges what a burden hawke has taken on, that shows an understanding of why they're doing it, acknowledges the loss they've been through and also reassures them in their sense of belonging that still can't be taken from them, despite it all -- The best of him is still with you. The best of all of us. It's what makes you try so hard. You'll always have that. We'll always be family. (you can't take 'loved' away, huh.) you get a bit more of a reconciliation/reconnection between hawke and their dad's memory by being reminded he got like this too, you know (implicitly you're not alone). varric through leandra is the one who tells them what they probably would have wanted and needed to hear from a parent right then -- It's going to be alright. that's what Hawke, The Champion means to everyone else, and for once they get to be the one to hear it. except only in a kind dream that never really happened. I. it. hmmmmmm. crushing. that is crushing. but also so incredibly tender from varric's side, and so moving to me that he's seen all this stuff and so desperately wants to give them that comfort. anyway DA2 is about love in some of the realest and thus messiest and most human ways I've ever seen and it makes my brain go wild it's my favorite game of all time goodnight

#I don't even know what I'm saying anymore folks please just. accept this. it makes no sense/compels me though etc.#dragon age meta #dragon age #dragon age 2 #hawke #leandra amell #honestly someone should do an analysis of the mother figures of DA2 because oh BOY something is up here #elthina and all her talk of the chantry as a 'gentle mother' very much included #as I believe terry pratchett once wrote:#That's Nature for you in a nutshell. Always dealing off the bottom of the pack. No wonder they called her a mother.

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x-candy-guts-x · 2 years ago

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Yautja x human ft worm on a string

I had some more thoughts :)

•It’s really interesting to me how humans are at their core a prey species. You can argue that forwards facing eyes are a trait of predators however it’s seen in basically all monkeys and apes and they are primarily vegetarians. They eat small prey like insects or small mammals but aren’t on the scale of say k-9’s, felines, and other obligatory carnivores. I believe it’s primarily a trait derived from our deeply social species. Our eyes are a huge part of our kinds communication wether we are looking at something or someone. We follow the direction of peoples eyes when talking. It’s been a great tool in our development.

•that being said I feel like predatory species like the yautja would find it fascinating to watch a human go from prey species to brutal predator in a matter of moments due to any given circumstances. Our instincts to danger are typically the five F’s. Fight, flight, freeze, fawn and faint. (For those of you who don’t know freeze is when you become unresponsive much like a deer in the headlight. Fawn is when you try to essentially suck up to the threat and get them to calm down and no longer be a threat. This is usually seen in abusive relationships where people will try to appease their abusor by avoiding conflict or doing whatever they can to get the abusor in a good mood again even at their own detriment. And faint is well.. faint lol.)

•Humans developed carrion stomachs due to our tendency to go after the largest strongest prey possible. We had so much meat we couldn’t eat it all and it would spoil. Our stomachs developed strong acids to kill bacteria in meat that has been sitting.

•humans are one of the only species on the planet to actively hunt the largest and strongest of any animal in a given herd/group. Which I think is something the yautja relate too.

•for humans this was out of necessity. The biggest animal provided the most food for our large social groups. We needed to provide the most food for our people. And our ability to kill from a distance and out do our prey in endurance allowed us to not have to worry about energy expenditure like big cats who hunt alone and need to conserve as much as possible thus hunting whatever is the easiest.

•we did this for so long that we developed predatory instincts. However at our core we still have prey instincts. Your yautja finds that cute. :)

•he is much larger, stronger and deadlier than you without armor and weapons. Sharp teeth and claws with a scaled hide and muscle structure that could knock over a bus is nothing to sneeze at. He absolutely adores the difference between the two of you. Your much smaller form with soft skin and tiny blunt teeth and nails is endearing. But this also makes him extra worried for you when you go hunting. He has to remember that humans are fine predators but only when they have someone else to rely on.

•humans are NOT meant to be alone. In virtually anything. Todays society will have you believe in toxic ideals like pulling yourself up by your boot straps and not needing to rely on anyone. But humans at their very core are meant to be in large deeply socially bonded groups. It takes a village to raise 1 human properly. And our society has forgotten that. Your yautja finds it deeply unsettling when he finds out that your culture is not as social as it seems from the outside looking in. With everyone living so close together and there being so many people in such small areas you’d think everyone would know everybody. But it couldn’t be further from the truth. Single parents and fear stricken neighbors run rampant in most of the cities. So when he sees you pack bonding with a roomba he takes it upon himself to be your best friend.

•that’s another thing. Humans are so social we pack bond with virtually anything. We crave intimacy so badly (not like that you pervs) that we will pack bond with ANYTHING. You name it. A dog? So common. A car? Strange to him but not uncommon for one to become at least a little attached to something important like that. A fuzzy noodle with googly eyes attached? It’s a worm on a string? Ok we’re getting you some help.

•your getting dragged to an oomanologist and he prescribes you a pet.

•your pet ate the worm on a string

•there were tears

•he’s secretly happy about it

•he actually tried to get rid of it several times. Garbage shoot? You walked in on him mid act. Burn it? The bastard wouldn’t even reach the fire because the string kept getting tangled to twigs and branches that hovered above it. A tall shelf? Well he found you sitting on top of the fridge like a gargoyle once so that was out of the question.

•your yautja regularly has to remember that he’s a lot bigger than you and you are so smol. His voice alone can startle you if your not expecting it! There goes the prey instincts again. Loud noises are not your friend that’s for sure.

•did you know that in alien vs predator they used tiger roar sound effects for the yautja roars? They actually do this in a lot of movies and it pisses me off especially when they attach it to things like mountain lions who literally can’t roar but that’s besides the point- anyway tiger roars are actually capable of STUNNING their prey. There’s something about the volume and frequency that actually temporarily stubs other creatures. If the yautja canonically roar similar to tigers and he accidentally stuns you OmG.

•so much purring

•he’s on his knees hugging you trying to make himself small.

•this dude cannot navigate your human home.

•he broke a dining room chair sitting in it

• he’s too big for the hallways without ducking and turning sideways partially sometimes.

•hand holding is so cute. Ur hands are just so tiny compared to his

•he does research on monkeys and sees how grooming is a very important social que and he connects this to humans. Unfortunately he didn’t think that humans were so prudish around nudity so when he just picked you up and threw you into a big tub he was NOT ready for those hands.

•predator instincts activate 🔫

•he almost drowned

•mildly scared of you

•your so small how are you that strong

•when y’all do get comfortable enough though he loves bath time :)

•scratches your little head with his claws (lightly) a lot

•plays with your hair a lot especially in the tub

•your self care routine becomes his care for human routine

•honestly? He fucking prides himself on how well taken care of you are. He flaunts you like you have a pedigree

• “my ooman is better than yours”

•que fight

•you become friends with the other human and while they’re fighting, you guys are sitting in the dirt playing games.

•they come back like ?? Hello? Did you not see us? WERE U EVEN WATCHING?

•you get mad at him? He went and got you new worms

•all the colors

•he has a worm for his ships dash. He chills. Sometimes you catch him playing with it

•I had more ideas but I forgot

#predator x human #predator x reader #yautja #predator #predator x you #predators #alien vs predator

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fairystar111 · 9 months ago

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Birds of a Feather

By: fairystar111

Rating: Gen

Fandom: Boku no Hero Academia

Summary:

Life isn't fair to those who don't take what they want The sooner you take what is yours the happier you'll be Now that Hawks finally has a family to call his own he won't ever let them go...

Characters: Hawks | Keigo Takami, Tokoyami Fumikage, Dabi | Touya Todoroki, Shouto Todoroki.

CW/Tags: Kidnapping, Parental Takami Keigo, Yandere, Stockholm Syndrome, Obsessive Behavior, Possessive Behavior, Stalking, Infantilism, Parental Yandere, Yandere Hawks, Animalistic Behavior, Animal Instincts, Forced Bonding, DabixHawks, Winged Tokoyami Fumikage.

Start/Previous/Next

If there was one thing Takami Keigo knew for a fact it was that his life did not matter in the grand scheme of things. His wants and needs would never matter to anyone. Before he was sold to the commission his mother neglected him, leaving him to starve and struggle to survive by himself; while turning a blind eye to his father abusing him. They never cared about him living or dying; they didn't even bother to ask the commission what he they wanted him for when they sold him. The commission trained him to be the perfect heroic puppet in daylight and a trained assassin by night. They beat him and tortured him to prepare him for the harsh battles he would fight when he was older. None of them cared that a six year old couldn’t consent, only increasing his punishments when he would resist the training. They tried to train all his bird characteristics out of him, calling them unsightly and abnormal. They shaved his talons and fangs down into bleeding little nubs, plucked his tail feathers, and punished him whenever he would release any bird-like sounds. For years he was convinced everyone would hate him if he let any of these traits show.

He was just a cog in the machine; he would live his life running for other people until he finally broke and was replaced. It was a simple fact that he knew would always be true. That was until he was given the order to infiltrate the League of Villains. Then he met Dabi and he taught him how to be loved and appreciated in a way he had never known before. He taught him what had happened to him was wrong and that he doesn’t have to take the abuse any longer now that he was here for him. The league treats him like family; they are the only people in his life that ever truly cared about him. It really hurt that a government sanctioned commission could treat him so badly that villains were what he looked forward to seeing everyday.

He was conflicted about whether staying a hero was really worth it for a long time. Until he met his baby bird Tokoyami Fumikage. The then intern was just supposed to be a routine apprentice he took on for three weeks and would never have to see again. But unlike with his previous interns Hawks found himself absolutely infatuated with Tokoyami and his quirk Dark Shadow. He’s not sure if it's because of the avian nature of their quirks or how well they got along but at the end of the three weeks Hawks did not want to let Tokoyami go. The kid reminded him of a cuter version of Dabi. He had a sarcastic and serious personality but would often laugh and indulge Kiego in his games. The boy's little shadow was quite happy and funny to be around too, often blurting out things the other was thinking, but it was fiercely protective of its user and once even snapped at Hawks for simply trying to hug Fumikage when saying goodbye.

For weeks after the internship Keigo’s mind could not stop drifting away to think about Tokoyami. Would Tokoyami like this drink? That looks like a sweater Tokoyami would like? Does Tokoyami have a nest? Would he like this blanket for it? So much that it was distracting him on his partols, he got a particularly harsh punishment for it by his handlers. But he couldn't help it, his bird brain had latched on to Tokoyami as his chick and it was not letting him forget. Everytime he had to do something his mind would always lead back to his chick. Is he eating enough? Has he been preening his feathers correctly? Is there anyone there to keep him warm? Does he have anyone to play with? Is he happy?

Since Hawks couldn't stay focused he decided it would be okay to visit Tokoyami every once in a while… without telling him. It started off small, just him following the chick to school in the morning and then watching him walk back to his house. He had to watch out for his little chick since clearly no one was there to protect him! Then it transitioned to looking through his windows, planting feathers in his room to listen in, sneaking into his attic, coming through his window at night and watching him sleep.

What he realized while watching his chick was that his parents did not love him as much as he could. It's probably because he is so different from them. Neither parent had any avian quirks in their family histories when he researched their geneology. Tokoyami was a completely random mutation they were not expecting. They take care of him, give him basic necessities and don't abuse him but they don’t love him. They weren't even feeding him the correct diet for a hatchling for christ's sake. There were no hugs, no kisses, no affection whatsoever which isn't a crime but Keigo could do so much better than them. There was no way for him to get Tokoyami out of there legally because there was technically no abuse being committed. If anything he was technically committing a crime by watching a minor. He’s not stalking okay! He's just protecting his fledgling rightfully so. But if word ever got out about this his career would be destroyed.

He was comfortable with the routine just silently watching over his chick from the shadows. Until the commission informed him that they were looking into Tokoyami for the paragon program he had been raised in. They wanted to make him into a full time assassin. They thought his quirk would be great for taking out large numbers of people quickly. But unlike him Tokoyami would not be doing any daytime hero work since he has more physical mutations. The commission could never want someone like him in the limelight representing them. It took everything in Hawks that day not to murder the commission president for daring to even consider using his Tokoyami as an assassin. He knew his chick’s parents wouldn’t fight for him if the commission came knocking. He had to find a way to take his chick for himself once and for all.

So he confessed his sins to the league. He told them everything from how he grew up to how he was bought and raised by the commission. He told them about the infiltration mission and how he had come to love the little family they had despite the spying. And lastly he told them about his chick and the commission wanting to steal him and put him in the same program he was raised in. They were understandably angry at first, except Dabi, he knew the whole time, but they understood his situation and they would help him take down the commission and get his chick back.

He fought alongside the league to bring down hero society and won. Together they tore down the commission. He helped his mate kill Endeavor and give his family peace. It was finally over but… the little bird he was fighting for flew away. During the chaos of the war his chick had fled to god knows where with the rest of his class leaving him behind. His chick left him… Keigo did everything for him and he just left to hide away in some desolate hideout with some pest who could never treat him as well as he does. When he finds him he is going to smother him and love him so much he won't remember the life he had before Keigo. Tokoyami will be begging for him to never leave again once he is through with him…

Dark Shadow knew that while he was his beloved Fumi’s quirk he was also an entirely separate entity from his brother. He could feel what was going through Fumi’s head but Fumi could not do the same for him. He is his brother's built-in protector; he’s been caring for Fumi since he emerged as his quirk when no one else would. He could detect the danger Fumi couldn't feel and respond before he got hurt. So that is why he is so uneasy around Hawks. Their mentor always acted outwardly kind and warm to them but Dark Shadow could sense danger radiating off the man. This man could not be trusted around his Fumi. There was something very off about Hawks that Fumi couldn't sense like he could.

The entire internship he could not rest easily and he refused to retreat back into his brother when Hawks was around. It didn't feel safe to leave Fumi alone with that man. It all came to a head when the final day of their internship Hawks tried to hug Fumi and Dark Shadow lashed out beak piercing through the skin of the man's hand. Fumi had gotten really angry with him for that but he couldn't help it. That day the aura surrounding Hawks was suffocating, like a predator stalking their prey waiting for the perfect moment to pounce. From then on Fumi would not believe him when he said he felt Hawk’s presence. Fumi would argue that Hawks was so busy in Fukuoka that he would never have the time to come visit them. He would tell him to stop acting crazy but Dark Shadow knew that something was very very wrong, but Fumi just wouldn’t listen.��

Darks Shadow’s concerns had come to fruition when they turned on the television one day and saw a video released by Dabi detailing his life of abuse he endured as the son of Endeavour. The video ending only for a news broadcast to begin showing Hawks fighting alongside Dabi of the League of Villains, the duo successfully killing the number two pro hero. Shortly after Hawks released his own video detailing the abuse he went through during his time in the paragon program. He talked about how he was bought by the commission and was forced to sign a contract at six that meant he would work for them for the rest of his life. He announced that he was done being a hero and he was going to bring down all of those who've wronged him.

Dark Shadow had been correct but now it's too late for them…

As Tokoyami awoke his eyes wandered groggily, taking in the room he was in. The space was huge with enormous windows and tall ceilings. There were large perches made to look like branches high on the wall for birds to rest on and large divots in the wall near the ceiling for hiding. The ceiling looked tall enough for someone to fly in there. He was at the bottom of a large nest with tall sturdy but soft walls surrounding him. The nest was decorated with many soft pillows and fluffy blankets, it was making his avian instincts very happy. He was distracted cooing in the nest happily; it wasn't until he tried to call out to Dark Shadow that the happy haze taking over his mind shattered. He couldn’t feel dark shadow anymore. Why couldn’t he feel him? Then it all came rushing back to him. Hawks had kidnapped him. The mentor he trusted and cared for had betrayed him and took away his brother. Tokoyami was so lost in his thoughts he didn't notice the distress chirping he was releasing. The boy doesn’t know it but the distress chirp he was releasing is one used by fledglings to call for their parents.

He was startled out of his cries when something large swooped down from one of the upper levels of the room. The boy hadn’t realized there had been someone else in the room the entire time. Tokoyami’s feathers ruffled and his wing flared in response when he realized it was Hawks. Hawks eyes widened at the blatant disrespect Fumikage was showing the older avian. Flaring one's wings is an act of dominance in avians and his chick is clearly not the one in charge here. He knows it's not the chicks fault he doesn’t know much about his avian instincts but Hawks will not tolerate the fledglings insolent behavior. He is going to make Tokoyami understand that he is the flock leader and that he must obey him as his fledgling. Hawks opened his much larger wings, flaring them wide and began to stalk towards the boy while releasing ear-piercing screeches and warning growls.

“W-wait wait Hawks please stop!” Tokoyami whimpered, the little wings on his back quivering. He didn’t know what he did to get the other man so angry but this is terrifying. He had never seen the other man act even remotely close to this, he was truly acting like an animal.

Hawks did not respond to the boy, advancing further into the nest. The boy was too small to escape the large nest, he could only try to crawl backward away from the angry avian. The boy released a terrified chirp when the man pounced on him screeching close to his face, the boy followed his base instincts, folding back his wings, bowing, and exposing his neck in submission, releasing more terrified chirps. The man loomed over the boy before sinking his fangs into the soft skin of the chick's neck. Hawks was asserting his dominance over Tokoyami and claiming the orphaned fledgling as his own. Tokoyami cooed softly as an foreign feeling overtook his mind and body. Suddenly it was like his mind couldn't register why he had been so afraid of Hawks anymore. His body wouldn't listen to him to get away from the man, his body and mind now think that Hawks is his father.

“Aw baby bird look at you~” Hawks cooed looking down at the boy in his lap, his claim had worked Fumi was docile and cooing back contently in his hold. Tokoyami was now imprinted onto him; the boy won’t be able to fight back even if he wanted to.

“Fumikage, look at me please.” Hawks asked gently cupping the distracted little chick’s cheek and guiding his eyes toward him.

“I'm your papa now. Things are going to be different now that I'm taking care of you. Your old parents, if you can even call them that, didn't love you the way I do. They didn’t treat you like the precious little boy you are so I'm taking over now. You know that this is for your own good right baby? Say yes papa if you understand.” Hawks asked, coaxing the boy out of his hatchling daze.

“Yes papa,” Tokoyami warbled out, his mind still hazy. He was sure whatever his papa was saying was true. Fathers always know what is best for their hatchlings.

“Can you turn around and lay on my lap baby? Papa wants to explain your new rules while preening those cute little wings of yours.” Hawks asked, chirping happily. His chick finally recognized him as his true father!

“Okay papa,” Tokoyami chirps, flipping onto his back obediently.

“Good boy,” The man trilled, he had been waiting far too long to preen his fledgling’s wings. He gently smoothed out the downy feathers, coating them evenly even in oil and picking out old broken feathers from past molts. The chick was reduced to a purring puddle on his lap, the poor never boy had anyone to help him with his wings.

“Now that I am taking care of you, you are going to have to listen to everything I say. Some things won’t make sense to you at first because you were never raised with other avians but you have to trust your papa okay. I know what's best for you and I would never hurt you, you just have to listen.” Keigo's cooed, fingers coaxing more oil out of the little gland at the base of Fumi’s wings rubbing it through the soft downy feathers, receiving more content purring from the boy in his lap.

“Okay papa… but what about Dark Shadow?” The boy asked through happy purrs. While his mind was easily replacing his distant parents, his heart would not forget his brother who cared for him more than anyone else has his entire life. Dark Shadow may be just a quirk but to Tokoyami he was his only real family for a long time. Which is pretty sad if you think about it.

“Dark Shadow will have to go away for a little bit because he is a danger to papa right now. In a couple of months once you get used to life with me then we can try to let him roam free but that won’t be for a long time.” Keigo tried to explain gently not trying to upset the chick but that clearly didn't work judging by the heartbreaking cries he was making.

“Shh shh you don’t have to cry baby, I promise you won’t be alone. You'll have your papa here with you at all times and then later once you've proven yourself trustworthy you’ll meet my mate and your new brother and be able to play all around the manor and attend school with your friends. Things will get better, it will just take some time to get used to, okay?” Keigo cooed, he was so excited to meet Shouto and have him and Fumi stay in his nest but that won’t be until later. His and his mates' nestlings both need a bit more training before that can happen. The boy just chirped in agreement, getting sleepy from the treatment his wings were receiving.

“Come on baby, let's take a nap.” The man whispered, laying back and curling around the boy enjoying the skin to skin contact and chirping contently. He finally has his chick safe and happy in his arms.

The next couple of months were bliss for Keigo, he had got what he had always wanted. His fledgling was finally under his control. At first it was hard for the boy to get adjusted to his mind running on instincts he’d never used before but he quickly got used to it with Keigo there to guide him. The boy was hesitant when it came to his new diet, eating raw meats was not something he had ever done before. He had refused to at first but after a stern nip from Keigo the chick accepted the raw food. Now the baby bird will even hunt down little birds in the garden for fun before eating them. The fledgling acted like they were attached by the hip wherever Keigo goes Tokoyami would follow, releasing quivering sullen chirps when he couldn’t. Keigo always had such a smug expression when he would watch the fledgling cry out for him. Just a couple of months ago, his boy wanted absolutely nothing to do with him. Now here he was absolutely crushed when Keigo had to leave, as all nestlings should be.

Tokoyami was ready, his chick has not tried to escape even once in the time he has been here. Keigo wants him to meet the rest of his family but first, he needs to have a serious conversation with his chosen mate. His hands trembled as his thumb hovered over the call button before finally pressing down. The phone rang a few times before his mate picked up.

“Hey pretty bird, what's up?” Dabi’s soothing voice rang out through the phone.

“Can you come up here for a bit? I need to talk to you alone.” Hawks uttered nervously.

“Yeah I’ll be there soon. Is everything alright?” Dabi asked, concerned with the other man's behavior.

“I’m fine, we just need to talk.” Hawks answered, ending the call abruptly. He knows Dabi loves him the way he is but still asking him to indulge in his more avian habits always makes him so nervous. The league has always been kind and never shown any disgust towards his more bird traits but he has never asked them to take part in any of them so he’s anxious about how Dabi will react.

The few minutes it took Dabi to come up to their floor felt like hours to Keigo. He wasn’t sure how his mate was going to react to what he wanted to do. The elevator ding rang out into the apartment as the door opened revealing his concerned looking mate.

“What wrong Kei? You sounded upset over the phone.” Dabi asked, he hoped the other man wasn’t trying to break up with him. Keigo belongs to him, they are solemates there is no leaving their relationship. They were made for each other, Dabi could never let his little bird go.

“It’s just that Tokoyami has been doing really well and I want you and Shouto to meet him today but…” Keigo's voice tapered off as he moved his eyes to look anywhere but Dabi.

“But what?” Dabi asked, tipping Kiego’s jaw upward and guiding his eyes toward him.

“You promise you won't get mad?” Keigo asked, golden eyes looking up at him through thick blond lashes.

“I could never be angry at my pretty bird,” Dabi said, soothing Keigo’s frazzled nerves.

“It's just I don’t know how to have a normal relationship. Red tailed hawks only have one mate for their entire lives and you are my chosen mate. And as my mate your kin become my kin as well. So I was wondering if when you guys come over to meet the fledgling can I put my claim on Shouto and can you put your claim on Fumikage? I want them to be mine just as much as they are yours but I don't know if you're okay with that.” He already thought of Shouto as his own but he wants to make it official.

“What kind of claim? How do I do it?” Dabi asked, relieved his little bird didn't want to leave him. He was quite pleased to know that his feelings were reciprocated just as strongly.

“Oh it's just some bird stuff. If I claim Shouto as my son in front of Fumikage then the chick will instantly understand that they are now brothers and nestmates but for Shouto it will just be a quick little bite. Then you just need to bite Fumi’s neck and the chick will imprint on you as a parent as well. I understand if you don't want to deal with all this bird stuff. It's okay really a lot of people don't really like this kind of thing- ” Keigo’s frantic ranting was cut off by Dabi cupping his jaw and kissing him, effectively shutting him up.

“Keigo, I would never dismiss any of this kind of stuff. I know how important it is to you. You said you're in it for life well so am I, I want all of you. You don’t ever have to be afraid of telling me something like this. I am never leaving you, I accept all of you always.” Dabi crooned looking deeply into the teary golden eyes of his mate. He wishes he could burn down the commission all over again for making Kiego think all his avian instincts were unsightly and disgusting, his poor bird still can't shake their harsh words to this day despite Dabi telling him the HPSC was wrong and he loves him the way he is.

“You really don’t mind?” Keigo asked, sniffling and wiping his teary eyes.

“I promise, I don't mind at all. I can get Shouto right now if you want. Shouto is so sweet he won't mind any of this at all once I explain it to him plus it would be good for him to have another father figure in his life. Lately he’s been staring longingly at Twice and Toga whenever they're around.” Dabi explained, his little brother clearly wants a father in his life and Dabi wished he could be that for Shouto but currently the boy only thinks of him as his big brother. Maybe once he and Keigo move in together and he sees how they interact both boys will come to see them as their fathers.

“You’re such a good mate.” Keigo swooned looking at Dabi through half lidded eyes. Keigo was irrevocably in love with this man who changed his entire world as soon as he entered it. He wishes he could find a way to repay Dabi in some way for all he has done for him. Well… he has some ideas but that will be saved until later after the kids are asleep.

“Glad you think so.” Dabi winked with a smirk, walking towards the elevator to retrieve his younger brother. As he rode the elevator down to his floor he thought about Shouto. He hopes he’ll be happy with this new arrangement, his brother has been missing the rest of their family so the addition of a new brother will be good for him. When the doors opened he strode towards Shou’s room opening the door only to find him napping contently while Bluey played quietly on the tv. The floor was scattered with toys, clearly he had been playing for a while before he fell asleep. Dabi didn't want to wake the sleeping cherub but he promised Kei he would be up there soon. Well maybe he can nap with the fledgling in their nest if he’s still tired. He’s sure Keigo would be happy to have both their chicks in the nest. He quietly approached the sleeping boy gently shaking him only receiving whines and grumbles in response.

“Firefly, it's time to wake up.” Dabi cooed down at his sleeping brother, shaking him a little harder when the boy would not respond.

“Nooo you said today was a lazy day. Leave me alone.” Shouto whined lifting up his blanket to cover his head. There was no school today and he wasn't planning on going anywhere, he just wanted to play in his room.

“Well plans change, come on firefly. I have someone very special to me that I want you to meet.” The man spoke quietly trying to rouse the grumpy child from his blanket den.

“But I already met everyone. Don't wanna go.” Shouto pouted from underneath his blankets.

“But Keigo will be sooo sad that you're not with me.” Touya cooed in a teasing tone.

“Were going to see Kei?” Shouto perked up rising out of his blanket den to meet his brother's eyes. It's not a secret that Keigo is one of Shouto’s most favorite people in the manor.

“Yes but I haven’t been completely honest with you. Do you remember how I described the relationship between everyone in the league?” Dabi asked most of what he had told Shouto had been true; he just left out the fact that he and Keigo were together…in a very un-platonic way…

“You said that you were all family. That Giri-san and Sako-san were the papas and everyone else were like siblings.” Shouto said in a very matter of fact tone. He didn’t know what his brother was talking about, Shouto did think Touya treated someone more special than anyone else in the league.

“Well that's mostly true except for Keigo and I aren't like siblings were a couple.” Dabi said hoping that's enough for his brother to understand. He really does not want to have the talk with Shouto today.

“A couple of what?” Shouto asked, confused.

“Okay you're a little confused and that's okay it's not your fault. What I meant was that when two people love each other very much they get into a relationship and love each other even more.” Dabi said, that's a pretty straightforward explanation even Shouto can understand right?

“So are we a couple?” Nevermind, Dabi groaned internally.

“NO! Ahem… Sorry I didn't mean to yell what I meant to say is no we are not. Couples are people who are not related to each other who get married and kiss and have kids together. Like in that show you like so much the mommy dog and the daddy dog were strangers at first then they fell in love got married and had babies. Do you get what I'm saying?” Dabi asked, he can’t get any more blunt than that Shouto is clearly still too innocent for that. God, how do you even begin to explain love to an emotionally stunted kid who has never even seen a healthy relationship in his entire life.

“Oh” Is all Shouto said, a shocked expression on his face suddenly over taken by a jealous one.

“Does this mean you're going to have a baby?” He doesn’t want a new baby to take his brother's attention away from him.

“Firefly, you are the baby.” Dabi said, amused by his little brother's jealous pout.

“Anyways I’m bringing this up because since we're together and you're my baby that makes you Keigo’s baby too. Keigo was wondering if you would like him to be your papa. He already sees you as his kid since you're mine and you'd have a new brother to play with.” Dabi explained. It's not like Shou has a choice, it's going to happen either way but he would like his little brother to think his opinion matters.

“A new papa?” Shouto whispered looking at his big brother with stars in his eyes. He has never had a papa before, only a cold and cruel father who did nothing but hurt him. And a new brother! Not that he doesn’t love the siblings he already has but they're all so much older than him, having a brother his own age sounds like so much fun! Who did Hawks take again?

“Okay, Let's go!” Shouto said excitedly, wiggling impatiently as his brother got him ready for the day. Dabi dressed Shouto in a cute soft set of pajamas with kittens on them, not bothering to dress him in real clothes because he's most likely just going to fall asleep as soon as Hawks is finished with him. He finished brushing the boy's hair and placed him on his hip heading towards the elevator. The farther up the elevator went the more subdued Shouto seemed to get. When the doors opened he hid his face in Dabi’s neck not looking towards the avian approaching them.

“Hi Shouto! Did Touya explain what's happening today?” Keigo cooed trying not to scare the new fledgling.

“Mm hmm” Shouto mumbled into Touya’s neck.

“And you're okay with it?” Keigo asked, watching with adoring eyes as the boy peeked out of Dabi’s neck to slyly nod in confirmation before hiding once again.

“Yeah,” Shouto answered shyly, still hiding.

“Wow, such a good boy. Dabi, follow me.” Hawks exclaimed in an exaggerated tone similar to one used when trying to sooth a young child. He led them toward Tokoyami’s bedroom, opening the door and motioning for Touya to place the boy in the nest with his other chick.

“Tokoyami?” Shouto asked, perplexed, he had forgotten Tokoyami had been one those that had been picked to be part of the family. He wouldn't call him a close friend or anything but they got along well during the period when they were in hiding.

“Todoroki? What are you doing here?” Fumikage asked bewildered, this is the first time he's seen anyone outside of Hawks in months.

“Well remember when I mentioned you meeting my mate once you were a bit more settled into life, well this is him and his child, your new brother” Hawks explained gently wanting the transition to go as smoothly as possible.

“Dabi, come here.” Keigo motionted for Touya to enter the large nest. He picked up Tokoyami and placed him in the other's lap. The boy shifted uncomfortably sitting in the other villain's lap sending distressed chirps towards Keigo.

“Fumikage behave.” Hawks said sternly, giving him a warning nip as the chick began to struggle in his mates arms. The chick settled down and allowed Dabi to tip his head to the side exposing his neck.

“You're going to need to bite pretty hard for him to get it since you don't have fangs.” Hawks said as he watched his lover sink his teeth into Fumi’s neck watching the chick's eyes glaze over.

“Look at him Kei” Dabi whispered, looking down at the boy chirping and nuzzling into his shirt, big hazy red eyes staring at him adoringly. Huh he could get used to having two adorable little birds in his life.

“Yeah he’s imprinted pretty hard, now it's Shouto's turn,” Keigo said, watching his mate and his fledgling fondly. Turning to advance towards the frightened looking boy. Tokoyami’s hazy eyes widened as he watched Hawks pounce onto Shouto pinning him down, the boy screamed towards his brother for help.

“W-wait what's happening?! Nii-chan help!” Shouto yelped whimpering when Keigo opened his mouth revealing a set of sharp fangs.

“Calm down firefly it's okay this is just a ritual avians do when welcoming new members into their family. You’re going to be okay, I promise.” Dabi cooed from the other side of the nest, watching his lover slowly sink his teeth into the soft flesh of his brother's neck.

Shouto whimpered as he felt sharp fangs painfully sink into his neck, squeezing his eyes shut as tight as possible feeling tears escape them. Then as suddenly as they were there the fangs were gone and there was something soft and wet lapping at the wound. The sensation made him giggle, it tickled. He opened his eyes when he felt himself being pulled off the floor of the nest and being nuzzled by two birds. As scary as that was he was glad he has a new papa and brother even though his papa is kind of scary.

Tokoyami felt that fuzzy feeling taking over his mind as he was claimed by Dabi and watched Keigo claim Todoroki as his fledgling and his mate as their father. Suddenly he could no longer see just a distant classmate, this boy was his nestmate and the other villain is also their parent. And his brother is in distress! Fumi quickly crawled out of Dabi’s lap and to the other boy's side nuzzling him and releasing soothing coos trying to make his little brother feel better. He calmed down a little once his brother started giggling from their father tending to his wound. He screeched as he pushed their papa out of the way and curled his body around his brother. Papa was the reason his brother had been in so much distress, he watched him with narrowed eyes releasing warning growls when he would get too close to his brother. While snuggling this close Fumikage could hear his brother tummy rumbling, he released demanding hungry cheeps toward their papas to get him food for his little brother.

“Alright alright I'm sorry. If I go get you the food will you forgive your big bad papa?” Keigo asked, raising his arms up in the air with an amused smile on his face. Well Fumikage definitely sees Shouto as his little brother now.

“What’s he saying?” Dabi asked not fluent in bird talk.

“He's angry I made Shouto upset and wants me to go get them a snack. Come on, let's go fix them up something for lunch.” Hawks explained laughing when he heard Dabi snort as he followed him to the kitchen. Fumikage is clearly attached to Shouto now; it's fine if they leave them alone to bond. He doubts Fumi is going to want to leave the nest with Shouto in there acting like a nestbound hatchling.

As they made lunch, Dabi making Shouto a quick grilled cheese with tomato soup while Keigo made Fumikage an assortment of raw meats,fruits,and nuts, they talked of their plans for moving in together. They originally had thought they would have to wait a little longer to officially move in together but seeing that the boys get along so well they could do it a lot sooner. When they were done preparing their food they walked to the chick’s room with the food in hand only to find the boys sleeping curled around each other like a pair of kittens. Hawks trilled excitedly seeing both his babies resting in the nest while Dabi shook his head fondly. Oh well they can nap for now, they'll put their food away for later. They tipped toed out of the room not wanting to wake the nestlings and settled down on the couch. Keigo resting in Touya’s lap, the pair couldn't help but think life couldn't get better than this . Heroes are over and their chicks are home safely in their nest, they can finally have the peaceful family life they've always wanted.

A couple months later

Life has been bliss for the little family. Dabi and Shouto have moved into Keigo’s floor leaving their old floor vacant for when the rest of their family is found. The chicks have since gotten closer to each other, practically attached by the hip. They go to school together, eat together, play together, sometimes they even find them sleeping together in each other's rooms. Though that is mostly because none of the other kids are ready to play yet. After the Izuku incident the others have really cracked down on their kids, not allowing them out unless they are 100% sure they are ready.

The pair are quite the handful, always getting into some sort of trouble together more often than not, resulting in time outs and sore bottoms. There was the time they wanted to test if Fumikage could actually use his wings to fly or if they were just superficial so they decided to try to jump off an eight story balcony, turns out they do work he just didn't know how to use them. Thank god Keigo was there in time to catch him. Or the time they were playing hide and seek with Twice and Toga and they decided to hide in a trash can and were loaded into the back of a garbage truck. They only got to them in time because they got an alert from their collars that they had left the manor, Kiego had flown out just in time to see them screaming as they were dropped into the truck, he then had to chase down the moving vehicle to retrieve his brats.

Hawks never knew having children was going to be this exhausting. Dabi being the more experienced of the two when it comes to children just said the boys were testing them and that all kids did it and they would calm down soon. While it was exhausting they were happy that the boys felt comfortable enough to act out with them. They know that neither boy ever had the opportunity to do so safely in the environments that they were raised in and they were glad the chicks felt safe enough to do it with them.

The only problem now was Dark Shadow. You see, recently Dabi decided that he would be taking off Shouto’s quirk canceller. The boy has been getting sick recently with no explanation. When they took him to the doctor the man explained it might have to do with his body temperature and what he has grown up being used to. Before Shouto had to wear the collar he rarely get sick because of the temperature his quirk made his body naturally, so with it gone his body isn’t used to not having the extreme temperatures of his quirk to kill of all the bad germs, without it his immune system is doing terribly trying to make up for the lack of quirk. So they took off the collar. They trusted the boy fully and wanted the best for his health. Though they did replace it with a tracking bracelet for safety.

Fumikage saw Shouto with his collar off and questioned why he couldn't have his off too. It broke their hearts when they saw one of their chicks crying that they don’t trust him. They tried to explain that it was a different situation since his quirk is sentient. It's not that they trust his brother more, it's just that they don’t trust Dark Shadow. This just led to more tantrums, Shouto joining in because he thinks it's unfair they weren’t being treated the same. After a week full of tantrums, crying, and several punishments they eventually agreed that they would try to release Dark Shadow to try to talk to him but neither boy could be present. They sedated Fumikage while Shouto was sent off to be watched by Magne. They unlocked the collar and out came the huge roaring shadow. Dabi unleashed a burst of bright blue flames to keep Dark Shadow at bay. The shadow decreased in size but stayed just as loud.

“What did you do to Fumi?!?!” Dark Shadow screamed, still trying to lash out despite his small form.

“We didn’t do anything to him, he’s happier now than he’s ever been” Keigo spoke truthfully.

“DON'T LIE TO ME! Just because you take away my ability to come out doesn't mean I'm not there. I can see and feel everything happening to Fumi. So I’ll repeat what I said before. What did you do to him? ” The shadow growled raging against the light keeping his form small.

“We didn’t do anything to him honestly.” Hawks said, raising both hands in the air in a placating manner.

“You're still lying! I can feel that you have done something to Fumi’s mind; he's running solely on some sort of chain of command he can’t fight against.” Dark Shadow growled, there is something very wrong with Fumi’s head he hasn’t acted like this since he was very small.

“Oh that, that's just our avian instincts you know bird to bird.” Keigo replied since he is the eldest avian that makes him top of the chain.

“NO I DON'T KNOW YOU FUC-” Dark Shadow screamed, cut off by another burst of flames. Contrary to popular belief he is a quirk that has nothing to do with birds at all. His user is shaped like a bird so he is shaped like a bird. He knows nothing about avian instincts, he isn’t even a bird himself. He is just a shadow with consciousness and the ability to fight.

“Okay, simmer down little shadow. We didn't let you out to have a screaming match. We came to negotiate. The fledgling has been wanting to see you for months and we are willing to allow you to have contact with him if you follow our rules.” Dabi said sternly.

“As if I would bow to the likes of you scum. I'd rather kill you all and take Fumi with me.” Dark Shadow spat venomously.

“You seem to forget who's in charge here, Dark Shadow. All it takes is one quirk erasing bullet and you're gone forever. We already have Fumi, we don’t need you, all this is for his sake. So you can either cooperate with us and help protect Fumikage or you can be erased. Though I suppose you can also remain dormant if you'd like but I’m sure Fumi will be devastated when we tell him you purposely chose not to see him. The choice is yours.” Hawks purred a teasing smirk on his face, he was bluffing obviously he loves the little shadow and doesn't ever want to get rid of him. He's a part of Fumikage and Kei loves all parts of Fumi, though this particular part is going to be incredibly difficult to manage given the massive amount of power it holds. He needs Dark Shadow to think he is disposable to them, that with the flick of a wrist they would erase him. He needs him to think if he ever steps a toe out of line he will be killed so he never dares to use that immense power against them.

“I want to see Fumikage. I don’t care what rules I have to follow to see him.” The shadow grumbled angrily looking to the side. He’s doing this to save Fumi, he would do anything for the boy even if it means he gets erased.

“Good boy Dark Shadow, we knew you would make the right choice.” Keigo smiled.

As much as he would like to rip these villains to shreds and steal Fumi away he has to stay calm. He’ll gain their trust and take Fumi away from here when they least expect it. For now he'll just have to lay low and behave until the opportunity arises. Don't worry Fumikage, I'll fix whatever they did to your mind and get you out of here I promise…

Start/Previous/Next

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lightofraye · 4 months ago

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Hi there!

Per your request, I cropped your name!

Now to your message.

First, aw, wow, thank you for such praise about my blog! I honestly do try. I know I have my bad moments, where I become bitchy, and sometimes I have moments where I am mean. However, there’s a large difference between being human and being a constant emotional abuser.

Ahem. I digress.

Your line about mushrooms made me think of The Dresden Files and a line out of it.

“As far as the Council is concerned, the U.S. Wardens are a bunch of mushrooms." "Eh?" "Kept in the dark and fed on bullshit.”

― Jim Butcher, Turn Coat

Regarding your description of parenthood… I love it! It’s so true. The first couple of years after my son was born, it was… not easy. I was exhausted, running on fumes, struggled to take care of myself while dealing with an energetic, needy toddler. Being a single parent was hard. Is hard, what am I saying.

I’m inclined to agree with you. From what I’ve seen and heard, Danneel barely spent any time with the twins. I think she’s a bit more bonded with JJ than the twins, but clearly not nearly enough, given the death glare she gave JJ during the NYCC when The Winchesters was announced. (And that got Danneel a dirty look from Jensen!)

As for being a wife… that’s on her, sadly. She doesn’t want Jensen home; she wants him out, at work, all the time. Even when he’d been gone 9 months out of a year for filming Supernatural, she’s not happy when he’s home. So when Supernatural ended and he suggested a vacation through Europe, she said “No. Get back to work.” Wow.

I agree with you. A friend, family, anyone I knew who went through a traumatic experience like that—if I had the money to fly out there, I would in a heartbeat. Even if they called me in the middle of the night, at work, it didn’t matter.

(Also agreed to your message here.)

Yeah, the bit about her twirling her hair was so dull and bland that I was cringing every time it came up! And she’s rapidly losing her beauty… oh wait. She’s completely lost it. Her face is so over-worked, over-filled, Botoxed, face-lifted, you name it—it’s so bad, it’s unrecognizable to the way she originally looked! Otherwise… the gymnastics claim has me suspicious because if she did study gymnastics she would’ve been able to excel at cheerleading! But she didn’t. She did so badly they stuck her in the back so no one would notice she didn’t know the damned moves. Singing? We’ve heard her sing. Horrific. So, the claims of knowing how to play piano? Doubtful. Act? We know she can’t. So….

No skills. No literacy. No intelligence. Just lies through her ass and knows how to torture her husband repeatedly. Not someone to stan at all.

I can’t even believe any claims made about her. Like… French cooking? Doubtful. Italian cooking? Supremely doubtful.

I absolutely love your analysis. Thank you for it! You’re right. She’s never had to struggle, work hard, to do everything she had to survive. She just leeched off everyone—including her own parents! It’s really tragic.

Sad thing is, she’s not even celebrating having a good man as a husband. She tortures him, belittles him, pushes him away. She just loves his money. The children are just benefits to keep that money coming in.

All she is is a gold digger.

I’d feel sorry for her if she was in fact suffering. She isn’t.

The closest I’d ever get to pity is the fact that she’s an empty-hearted person.

(Also, the bit about her voice made me laugh, hard. Thank you.)

#anti danneel #anti elta #jensen concern #jensen supportive #the importance of self-value

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witchthewriter · 1 year ago

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𝐍𝐢𝐧𝐚 𝐙𝐞𝐧𝐢𝐤 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚 𝐠𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐚 𝐛𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐡𝐚𝐬 𝐜𝐡𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐢𝐜 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞

⤷ platonic, gender neutral, ambiguous race, and any size reader. Requests are open, thank you for reading!

Warnings: swearing, mentions of abuse, talking about chronic pain

ᴹᵃˢᵗᵉʳˡᶤˢᵗ

𝑺𝑭𝑾🌿

・You had cursed whatever maker there was that you weren't born a Healer.

・And even though other grisha had tried to help you, they all said the same thing: it was untreatable. Not like a broken bone that could be mended, or a scar that could disappear

・It was a pain that was caused in childhood and left untreated for too long. Damn abusive parents, you cursed almost daily, as you pushed through the pain as soon as you woke

・Nina had searched far and wide for treatment

・She had been your best friend since your first year at the Little Palace. You weren't even in the same order, but something about her was magnetic. And she always knew how to make you laugh.

・You tried to keep your chronic illness as hidden as possible. But some days were just too difficult to navigate. Your bones ached, your back was sometimes so sore that you couldn't leave the bed.

・Even the Darkling himself came to see you when you missed a few classes.

・He brought all the physicians that the King would allow. And they all said the same thing.

"Too much damage from childhood. If they were brought to a healer then, they would be healed. But now ... we can only give small things to help."

・When you found that out, you cried for three days and never left your rooms.

・The best tonic that was created lulls you a bit but somehow takes away a lot of the pain. Not all of it. But you can carry on like everyone else for a while. The problem is running out of it.

・You always wanted to be like the other grisha - able to perform your duties without retched pain coursing through your body

・The Darkling doesn't send you on missions, that hurt you so badly but he had you trained in other parts of war, like how to shoot, but more importantly the mind games.

・And then people started to notice that you were different

・It was the Darkling himself that said you were special and unique, and that anyone who said a bad word against you would be held accountable.

・Nina takes you on little adventures and no matter where you are, she always has the tonic on her, in case of emergencies

・Sometimes you need to rely on a cane, and you can't walk long distances easily, but Nina couldn't care less. It makes you feel useless, but she constantly tells you how much worth you have

"Even if you weren't grisha, you have so much talent, and light and power. There is no one else like you. Please, keep going. Take it day by day."

・Whenever you're apart, she'll send you letters so you have something to look forward to. And she always brings back gifts from her journeys. You treasure each and every one of them.

・Even though you have chronic pain, and it affects your abilities - it actually doesn't mean you're useless. Not at all. In fact, even Zoya respects you. You knew how bullies worked and had no problem standing up to them.

・Everyone in the Little Palace makes sure you're okay. Because grisha look out for grisha.

・You spent a lot of time with Bagra, who told you riddles and stories. Prompting you to seek answers for yourself.

・She helped you think.

・You became a very sought out person for advice and wisdom. Especially when the war broke out. You were one of the most important people besides The Darkling and Alina as somehow you knew both of their secrets.

・You were too good at mind games.

#witchthewriter #witch the writer's headcanons #nina zenik #headcanons #nina zenik headcanons #nina zenik x platonic reader #nina zenik x reader #shadow and bone headcanons #shadow and bone x y/n #shadow and bone x reader #shadow and bone series #shadow and bone #grisha #grishaverse

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deadgit · 7 months ago

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Okay, here's the post I promised based on @ocean--grey 's poll! So if anyone randomly finds this and is confused, the poll was a question about who makes Lister feel the worst about himself: Low Lister, Sebastian Doyle, or the brain-in-a-jar from "Out of Time." I went tag crazy in my reblog, and this is just what didn't fit 🤣

So, Lister was ganged up on and victimized by all of the Lows in a scene that has to have been one of the most disturbing things that ever happened to him. But one small, probably unintentional detail that I'm going to emphasize is this: all of the Lows were working together, and reasonably well. They all teamed up against him, a solid team, 4 against 1.

And so, I find it FASCINATING that this episode directly follows "Terrorform" and "Quarantine," two episodes that heavily emphasize the everyone vs Rimmer dynamic.

Social patterns can be brutal. At the end of the day, there's very little that makes people feel more together than disliking the same person, especially if they can feel justified about it. And Rimmer is extremely easy to dislike, justifiably.

But unlike Cat and Kryten, who have fairly simple relationships with Rimmer (they know they need him there, and he has a couple redeeming qualities, but they genuinely dislike him), Lister actually sees Rimmer as a human being, with feelings that matter. He wouldn't have chosen to have this guy play a huge role in his life, but he does care about him.

And, sometimes, he treats Rimmer terribly.

It's usually not just him. It's him, the Cat, and Kryten playing off of each other, having Rimmer be the odd-man-out. And he gives as good as he gets, so it probably feels fine, mostly. You can't say that Rimmer doesn't deserve to have his own terrible actions thrown into his face, now and then.

Rimmer was exhibiting some horrid behavior in "Quarantine." His treatment of the rest of the crew before the virus set in was vindictive and petty in really destructive ways. But it was also a direct reaction to his peers talking about shutting him down. (Notably, this was right after an episode where they all pretended to like him, then threw it back in his face.) He probably saw that as a genuine threat to his life, and responded to it the way he's been conditioned to, since he was a kid: weaponize rules, use every scrap of power you have, no one else will help you.

Lister has come to understand Rimmer pretty well by this point in the show. He understands that "the wrong parents" doesn't just mean that Rimmer is ambitious and vain; he knows the guy survived some genuine, serious abuse. (Notably, he's the only character who looked disturbed at Rimmer's Uncle Frank story. Even Rimmer didn't recognize how messed up that was.) Everyone has seen Rimmer at his worst, but Lister has seen him at some of his best, like in "Marooned" when he waxes poetic about friendship and sacrifice, and wants to mirror what he saw as an act of selflessness. Lister knows how badly Rimmer craves acceptance and respect, and knows that he's actually capable of being decent under the right circumstances.

But he doesn't exactly keep that knowledge at the front of his mind. Very understandable, when your bunkmate, say, locks everyone in a room for weeks without entertainment or decent food. And it's especially easy to forget about when you're with two other people who can't stand the guy.

But I think sometimes, when the others aren't there, he remembers that Rimmer is a very miserable, lonely person, who faces almost constant antagonism from everybody in his life. He brings it on himself, but I don't think Lister wants to be a person who enjoys teaming up with his buddies to pick on the group misfit.

And yet, in series 4 and 5 especially, he kinda IS that person.

And I can't help but wonder if his treatment at the hands of the Low crew (ganged up on, having his autonomy taken away, being bombarded with everything he hates about himself) wasn't, in part, a reflection of the way he feels about all that subconsciously.

#it's late so i hope this makes sense 😅#i think that series 10-promised land lister has finally found a good balance of ribbing the guy while watching out for him #which i love sooooooo much you have no idea #please don't read this as ''lister is mean to rimmer! bad lister poor rimmer!''#it's just musing about the cognitive dissonance of knowing that someone's behavior comes from deep hurt #but not being able to stop yourself from responding to it (particularly in a group dynamic)#which imo makes lister SUCH an interesting character

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lassieposting · 1 year ago

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Might be a bit sick but in retrospect, Skulduggery telling Omen he had “disagreements” with his father (or did he say this to Valkyrie? Don’t care not checking) is the most understated hilarious possible fucking way of describing “oh my dad fucking murdered my mother and turned half my siblings pure evil and we had to give him a kicking like the bomb gave hiroshima and chain him up in a magic coffin and jail him in an alternate dimension as an exchange prisoner with a tyrannical god-king because he was too powerful to even consider killing”

Like lmao. “Disagreements” give me a break

—

In his defence, this is one of the few times where Skug is actually incredibly diplomatic. There’s a few reasons for this:

1. The obvious one: Omen is a kid. More than that, Omen is a lame kid, whose entire life experience at that point is Being Fat, Being Lame, and Sitting In Maths Class. He would have no point of reference for how to react to something as viscerally horrifying as my father murdered my mother. That would be a wildly age-inappropriate story for Skug to tell him - so much so that even Skug knows it.

2. The other obvious one: all the Abrogate bullshit would be a very painful, very personal, very old wound for Skug. No way in hell would he want to open it for the benefit of this boy he barely knows. Yes, he’s prone to dropping inappropriate stories out of nowhere, but most of the time it’s because they’re either relevant to what’s happening around them, or he doesn’t realise they’re inappropriate, because he’s messed up, and his upbringing was messed up, and his concept of what’s normal is decidedly skewed as a result.

And 3. The one I think actually occurred to him at the time: Omen is a child with an abusive home and parents who have a hardcore golden child/scapegoat dynamic. Omen is a child who has spent his entire life being overshadowed by and negatively compared to whatshisface, the brother. And in this moment, Omen is a child who is - tentatively - reaching out to someone he sees as a Safe Adult. He’s testing the water to see how Skug reacts to a relatively minor disclosure, because he - Omen - isn’t sure whether he really is just disappointing and useless, or whether he’s justified in feeling neglected and badly treated.

Skug also came from an abusive home, was also the family scapegoat, and at some point probably dropped the same kind of hints to Ghastly’s parents. He would know how important it is that he react correctly, because it would be so easy at this point to make Omen feel like he can’t open up to anyone about his home life again.

And “Yeah, well, my father murdered my mother, we’ve all got problems,” would be a spectacular way to make sure he never brings up his family issues again. It would be overshadowing his pain, putting him in the same position he’s been pushed into by his parents all his life. It would be saying your suffering doesn’t matter because I had it worse.

And Skug is a lot of bad things, but he’s not deliberately cruel to people who don’t deserve it. He’s kind to Peg Muldoon, he’s kind to Scaramouche van Dreg, he’s kind to Scapegrace - all people who could have reasonably been handled with violence or cruelty. So he’s absolutely not going to choose nastiness with this boy.

He says: I liked my mother. I think I might have even loved my mother. I had disagreements with my father. In the same conversation, he tells Omen that parents should love their children, and that it’s not Omen’s fault that his don’t.

That’s. A very carefully-worded way of putting it. He’s chosen words that will seem, to Omen, to mimic his own situation. He’s saying I understand what you’re trying to tell me. He’s saying I see how they treat you and I don’t approve. He’s validating what Omen has been through as the scapegoat child, and telling him it’s not okay. He’s giving Omen an ally - an adult who sees the Darkly parents’ behaviour, isn’t okay with it, and isn’t afraid of them. Basically, he’s trying to give Omen the kind of support that Ghastly’s parents probably once gave him when he was in Omen’s position.

And for that, Omen doesn’t need to know how much worse Skug had it. He just needs to know that a) Skug survived it, and b) someone he has a lot of respect for has confirmed that the way his parents treat him is Not Okay. It’s really quite a startling amount of tact and empathy for someone who is so, so damaged, and this is probably the closest we get to seeing how he likely behaved with his own child.

(It is a hilarious understatement, though. Good job, buddy.)

#skulduggery pleasant #sp meta #skug

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flowersofstarlight · 10 months ago

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Hi @ericaportfolio

If you’re reading this, I wanted to let you know about my thoughts about Nick Nack’s past and thinking about him having PTSD. I’ve been thinking a lot about Nick’s childhood and going through trauma and abuse by his father in your AU. And it kinda got me to psychoanalyze him and theorize what he’s feeling, what he’s afraid of and that he might be going through depression after he and the Handeemen manage to escape from Francis and his mob.

I’m not a therapist or a psychiatrist or psychologist, but I have learned a little bit about how the brain works when people have experienced schizophrenia, PTSD, trauma, etc. from the videos of Therapists reacting to Arcane: League of Legends, talking about Vi’s trauma and Jinx/Powder’s PTSD and schizophrenia. Both Moxxie from Helluva Boss and Hunter from The Owl House were also abused by their parent/guaridan like Nick. It might make sense to mention them having similar situation as Nick did.

This is going to be sad what I’m about to say and long to read, but take the time you need to check it out later and if you have some free time. And let me know your thoughts about this in the comments or reblog. I am curious what you think and I think Nick needs a lot of hugs.

So, after Mortimer and the others escaped from Fracis, Nick probably would be at home blaming himself for getting the others dragged into that situation with Francis and his mob. Obviously he didn’t know that he would see his father again and didn’t know what to do. He thought he got away and never had to go back to the place he grew up in. I feel like Francis’ manipulation has pushed Nick’s sadness to guilt, making him think that it’s Nick’s fault for what happened to his mother and what was about to happen to Mortimer and the others, the way Scar did to his nephew Simba.

If Francis told him things, when he was a child and internalized those messages in his head, Nick would have a hard time challenging them as an adult. He might still carry that guilt and what Francis said to him. He probably would feel like a burden to everyone in their life. Feeling like he carried so much weight on them to stress out and felt like the one who put them in danger. He would even hate himself because he didn’t ask for anything bad to happen to the Handeemen that got dragged into that mess, he didn’t ask to be born, and never asked to be the son of the Mob Boss.

Francis’ words and manipulation would be stuck into Nick’s head, and Nick would be going through depression, fear and probably hallucinate hearing negative words around him and having nightmares and trouble falling asleep. His mother Jancis, was very kind and loving to him, like the light that guides him and there to comfort him. But since Francis took that away from him, he would felt helpless and be treated like a toy or moved around like a pawn on the chessboard.

Nick might be thinking that it’s his fault for his mother to disappear because he is her weakness. Although Jancis does love her son dearly and wanted to protect him, it isn’t true that Nick is the responsible for her disappearance because he was (I assumed when he was eight) just a kid and didn’t do anything wrong to her. It was Francis’ choices that made Jancis disappear. And that affects Nick really badly, causing him to have PTSD, and Francis hitting his own son (like an abusive father he is) makes him never forget those scars and would haunt him forever.

Of course, Nick ran away to start a new life where he can be himself and follow his dream and years later, he found others who truly cared about him and like him the way he is like Valentino, Mortimer and the others. But after meeting Francis, Nick probably felt he does not matter to anyone and is just a problem that dragged others to get hurt because of him. He is sick and tired of being the victim and wants to bury that pain or other negative emotions down in the ground forever, but it gets worse. It really doesn’t help if you keep suppressing your own emotions.

He probably would push everyone away, so that they won’t get hurt again. But he needed to realize that bad things are going to happen to everyone, including the good people. He has people who cared about him, but that scared him the most because he’s afraid that Mortimer and the others will disappear like his mother or be killed or worse and that he can’t do anything but watch it happen right in front of him, and he thinks it’ll be all his fault because he did nothing and let it happen.

Valentino may not understand what Nick is going through or what it feels like to be in his shoes, but they can sympathize that because they were mistreated by someone who treats them like they’re nothing, but a tool or pawn. Before Val opened their own boutique, they used to work with their boss who is a famous fashion designer operating in London.

Valentino was extremely happy that they got the job to work with their idol and create the dresses and suits to show their creations. But after a while working with their idol, Val told Nick that they were getting abused and under so much pressure by their boss. Valentino felt they needed to be perfect around her and keep pleasing her to do what she demanded because they are one of her best designers to create new clothes that are worth selling. She was very manipulative to them and would steal their ideas, and also insulting their appearance. And Val once said to themselves, “If I don’t complain, if I do my best, if I do every simple thing she asks of me, maybe one day she will throw me a bone. Maybe one day, I will gain her enough satisfaction that she will give me the respect and show her gratitude.” Which obviously is not good, and is unhealthy relationship to have with someone.

They worked with her for almost 3 years and it really made Val feel miserable and felt like they haven’t rested since forever. It even made them forget about their family and why they do it in the first place. However, their boss is not just awful to Valentino, she is awful to every fashion designer who works with her and would fire her least favorite designer if she didn’t like what they created.

But after Val met a friend who was very kind and gave them the wisdom they needed to hear, Val was happy that they worked up the courage to quit and say “I deserve better” and walk away from a toxic relationship. After they quit, they felt a lot happy like they haven’t been that happy for so long. Now they get to reconnect with their family and catch up for lost time, they find peace and went to therapy to talk about their emotions they felt working with their idol (well, used to be their idol). Val gives Nick advice to go to see therapy that their old friend could help.

Nick needed to realize it wasn’t his fault for putting the Handeemen in danger and his mother disappearing. He needs to see that he’s not alone and has people who are there to support and care about him. He also needed to be honest and show his vulnerability to himself and others to grow as a person. And have self-acceptance, opening up, and relinquishing his fears to build trust and honesty with others.

I think if Nick will give time to heal, he’ll finally start accepting the past and move on. And maybe he’ll be able to let go and find peace and he’ll be okay despite everything that happened.

It would be interesting to see his character development grow, seeing him standing up to his father, fighting back to protect his loved ones, seeing Riley and Nick working together to escape, and helping others to escape from Francis and his mobs. And maybe it would be cool to see Nick vs Francis if it’s possible. You know, like fight scenes. But knowing that Mortimer’s Handeemen is a kids show, I don’t think they’ll allow that. But if they do, the battles would probably be similar to Muppets as long as it is not dark, not too violent or inappropriate to watch for the kids.

Anyway, that is all I want to talk about. Again, feel free to reblog or comment what you think. And I hope you’re doing good and find it interesting what I talked about Nick having PTSD.

#nick nack hello puppets #hello puppets nick nack #nick nack #Valentino Voguish #hello puppets oc #hello puppets #hello puppets midnightshow #hello puppets midnight show #hello puppets: midnight show

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fatphobiabusters · 2 years ago

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Recentl, I gained weight in a visible way and quickly became target of fatphobic jokes...from people who are also visibly fat. I already have self-esteem issues about my weight but receiving mockery from people from whom I would othertwise expect solidarity kinda hurts.

That is definitely painful to experience. I'm sorry that they subjected you to that pain.

Since fatphobia is barely acknowledged in society currently and the abuse fat people face is viewed as normal and a given, the majority of fat people don't understand that the harassment and discrimination they experience is wrong. They don't even realize that it counts as oppression.

I didn't understand that either until I was 20 years old, and I knew that I was treated badly as a fat person even as a fat kid. But because almost no one in society says it's wrong, because actual facts about weight and fatphobia are suppressed, because there is hundreds of billions of dollars to be made on my oppression, and because even my parents taught me that my body was shameful and bad, I grew up never questioning the abuse I experienced for having the audacity to exist while fat.

I have a lot of oppressed identities besides fatness, but fatness is the one oppressed identity I have where there is almost zero support or care for the harm I experience. If I meet a fellow gay person, trans person, disabled person, you name it, I can almost guarantee that there will be some sort of solidarity between us. I can safely assume that they know we're both oppressed for our identities and that we don't deserve to be discriminated against.

But since barely even any fat people have the facts about fatphobia, I know I can't rely on any random fat person for solidarity. I have a better chance of hearing about the dieting plans of the fellow fat people I meet than to hear them believe they don't deserve all of the horrible treatment they're subjected to.

Being fat and knowing you're oppressed for it is a lonely experience. It makes me think about how before women could vote, the few women who first campaigned for that right were viewed as ridiculous and as if they were denying what was a given reality that shouldn't be changed. I remember hearing my stepmom talk about what it was like being one of the first journalists who wasn't a man and how back then, the term "sexual harassment" didn't even exist. I can't imagine how bad sexual harassment was before it was named and acknowledged compared to today where, even though there is still so much sexual harassment in the world, there are also laws, policies, whole activist movements, and large groups of people against it. But back then, any person who said sexual harassment was real and wrong was also looked at like they were ridiculous.

And because barely anyone in this society acknowledges fatphobia, I know there will be plenty of fatphobes who whine that I compared the process of spreading activism against fatphobia to the history of spreading activism against "REAL oppression like sexism." After all, how dare I say fatphobia is real, is bad, and matters. /s But I don't let the fatphobes stop me from talking about reality.

It is so painful having to put up with the mistreatment caused by other fat people's internalized fatphobia. It's so painful not having a full on community of support and all of the other luxuries of having a mainstream activism movement. It is so frustrating that the needle towards equality for fat people has barely been moved at all despite fat activism being a thing since at least the 1960s if not even earlier than that since fatphobia has been a problem for centuries. But that is why the small fat activism communities online are so important. I hope this blog and other fat activism blogs can help you feel more accepted. Your body deserves kindness and respect like any other body.

-Mod Worthy

#Ask #Filipfatalattractionrblog #fatphobia #internalized fatphobia #Mod Worthy

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theinternetisaweboflies · 2 years ago

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Gates to Heck Chapter 2

It’s a little on the short side, but I’m happy to be able to post Chapter 2 for Teru’s birthday.

This story is a follow-up to the omake "Teaching Mob Basketball > Anti-terrorism", in which Teru does a vigilante-justice speedrun so he can teach Mob how to dribble.

"Spirits and Such Consultation, this is the greatest psychic of the 21st Century, Reigen Arataka, speaking."

"Shishou-"

"Oh, Mob." Reigen dropped the voice. "I thought you were learning how to dribble today. What's the-"

"Shishou, I need your help."

"I already told you, I don't play the ball sports." Reigen heard a suppressed sound from the kitchenette. As if Serizawa had room to snort. The only sport he played was Wii Golf.

"It's Hanazawa-kun. He's- He's hurt."

"How badly hurt are we talking?" Reigen closed the lid of his laptop. "Do you need an ambulance?"

"I don't think so? He came to basketball practice, but then he fainted. I think his head is hurt, and also his arm, but it's not just the injuries. It's everything."

"Everything?"

Serizawa appeared in the kitchenette doorway, looking for all the world like a concerned housewife with his dishwashing gloves and furrowed brow.

"When I asked how he got hurt, he laughed so hard he passed out again. Well, I did ask if he was forming another gang, which may have been rude, now that I consider it. He wouldn't-

"Wait a second," said Reigen, waving a hand even though only Serizawa was there to see him. "Middle schools have gangs?"

"Yes," said Mob. "Hanazawa-kun was the urabanchou at Black Vinegar."

"Middle school gangs have shadow leaders?" When Reigen was fourteen, he was eating cup noodles and drawing Sailor Moon doujinshi like it was a full-time job.

"Yes, but- but that doesn't matter, Shishou. He's acting tired, like he did before, and he's gotten thin again. He must weigh less than…" Mob gave a small grunt. "50 kilograms."

"Did- Did you just pick him up?"

"Well, that's how much I can lift in my club." Mob's voice had the barest hint of defensiveness.

"Really? Wow."

"Just the deadlift."

"I know what that means," said Reigen. He started playing with a stress toy on his desk. Mob's friend, Kurata-chan, had gotten it for him last month, no doubt as some sort of joke, but squeezing the little alien until its eyes popped was strangely satisfying.

If Hanazawa had lost that much weight, it must have been more than a schoolyard fight. It had to be a chronic issue, like bullying, or even abuse.

Reigen swallowed hard. "His parents still overseas?"

"Yes," said Mob. "They have been since he was nine. He doesn't have anyone to take care of him." The kid was never what you would call expressive, but there was a note in his voice that Reigen could only describe as panic. "Shishou, I think he has a concussion, and I don't know what to do."

Reigen was already patting his pockets: wallets, keys, business cards, salt. "Right. I'll be there as soon as I can swing by a pharmacy."

"He doesn't need first aid supplies," said Mob, his voice going strangely grave.

"Okay?"

"Oh, actually, he's running low on cooling patches. I think he has a Failure Fever too."

"Failure… fever?" Reigen grabbed some cooling patches from the office first aid kit and waved a quick goodbye to Serizawa, whose forehead was more furrowed than ever. Reigen had to resist the sudden impulse to smooth it down with his thumb.

"Hanazawa-kun gets a fever whenever he loses something."

Reigen hailed the first cab he saw. "Let me get this straight. You're telling me he has a psychosomatic reaction to losing fights? With middle school gangs?"

He fumbled with his wallet for the paper containing Hanazawa's address, which he'd kept tucked away ever since their final confrontation with Claw.

"No, I think it was mostly with Claw."

For a moment, Reigen thought he had misheard, somehow conflating Mob's words with his own thoughts.

"Claw- They- Mob, do you mean they went after him before they took Otouto-kun?"

"He was nine the first time they went after him," said Mob.

Reigen kept moving on autopilot, sliding into the cab's backseat and shoving the paper into the driver's hands. He didn't bother to cover the mouthpiece when he said, "Sorry, sick kid."

The driver nodded, tapping a Polaroid taped to the dash. The cab pulled into traffic and Reigen returned to his conversation with Mob.

"The same age he was when his parents left?" he asked, because that was easier than thinking about psychic terrorists targeting a literal child for five years.

Mob made a noise of assent. "He said it was safer that way."

"…Safer?"

"I didn't understand at first either, but I think he meant safer for them."

Reigen did cover the mouthpiece this time. At least the cab driver didn't seem to mind all the swearing.

#teruki hanzawa #happy birthday teru #mp100 #mp100 fanfic #mob psycho 100 fanfiction #terumob #reigen is a good dad #reigen arataka #can't you just imagine reigen practicing the whole #tsuki ni kawatte oshioki yo #thing in front of a mirror

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missjolly-blog2 · 10 months ago

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When it’s obvious you are and have been the problem in your parent’s lives. Ever since you started to use drugs at 22 over a man that was a horrible dealer and you lost everything you owned and worked for over this craving of something you never had a chance to experience, the experience and feeling of not being told every move to make, worrying about what others think of you, making yourself have to predict everything hyper vigilance in determining how your parents feel or their mood depending on their behavior or how many cans are Ina box and how low the bottle is after each new drink that is made. Having every fight they ever had broke it’s because of you or it’s because they don’t see eye to eye and multiple times in your youth all you ever saw was fighting, yelling, threats and your mom always walking out the door them coming back because she fills she had no where to go. You get my point. Back to the main focus after you finally got out and away from this man that help you lose everything. You have a total and complete mental breakdown and want nothing but to rage against anyone who had wronged you, treated you badly or abused and made fun of you for being naive or gullible then when you got fit off of pure anger, hatred and revenge you meet an other man have a child and the man you have this child with couldn’t even meet up to the expectations of what to do when you have a child. Then he does everything he wants while you’re pregnant and working not one but two jobs plus over time saving up money that you just stay quite and eat your feelings until you gain over 100 plus lbs because you learned at a young age that no matter how you feel you are wrong and made to feel invalidated. But OHHHH does it get even better! You are told by the person you have a child with that they were just there to be the fun and have fun not wanting the responsibility that comes with having a child. Now your 29 still living at your parents not able to keep a job because all you do is constantly hate who you are and what your life has become so you try and numb the pain by bad coping mechanisms then while looking at your own child and watching her play and even playing with her and smiling but inside you know you are completely and utterly worthless and just wanting to die even begged for people to kill you, made problems in the past to see if people would kill you and even asked wtf ever is out in the universe to take you because unfortunately you aren’t able to just do it yourself.

Just it’s just one of those days.

#life quotes #poets on tumblr #love quotes #artists on tumblr #relationship quotes #travel #writing #art #inspirational quotes #love poem #christian living #dream

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littlemochix17 · 1 year ago

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Chapter 3

Words: 3.4K

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ 𝑌/𝑁'𝑠 𝑃𝑂𝑉 ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

I knew what was bound to happen after Freya raced away like that but my mind was all about Cedric and how wonderful it would be to learn magic it wasn't until I got home that I realized the amount of trouble I might be in as I open the front door as quietly as I can I go inside the house to see both my grandma and Freya sitting in the living room looking at me with anger and disgust to say that I was not afraid would be a lie the only reason my grandma didn't abuse me constantly was that she didn't want Freya to think of her badly but now I don't know how things are going to be so I stayed quiet as they glare at my every move trying not to make matters worse for me even though I didn't do anything wrong to start with

"Oh, you got some nerve girl to look at me after what have you done! you should be ashamed of yourself" Shouted the older woman referring to how she 'endangered' her cousin with her magic

I nervously looked up at her only to see that the anger she bottled up for years had floated into the surface as if it was kept inside held captive and had finally escaped being held back at me

"But I have done nothing wrong to be ashamed of!" I declared looking at her again I knew I was making it worse but I couldn't help but get mad usually I would stay silent until she finished yelling at me and go away when she demanded it but I didn't understand why she was angry right now I did nothing to be yelled at

"Nothing to be ashamed of! Ha, what a joke you're a Witch for God's sake it's because of your kind that my poor sons and their wives are dead! YOU KILLED THEM!" She screeched

But I wasn't having it I have been feeling guilt for something that I have never done for a long time know that I won't just let it slide this time

"WHY DO YOU ALWAYS BLAME ME FOR THEIR DEATHS? I don't even know how could I be responsible for my and Freya's parents' deaths it doesn't make sense!" I uttered trying to get any information I could so I could understand what she means

"Oh, you want to know how it's your fault? fine. I will tell you it's because your git of a mother who meet my daughter in law a few years before she got married to my dear son and somehow when they came to visit me here in the early morning they found you at my front door with a little envelope explaining that you're know an orphan and they instead on keeping you with them a couple of years later when you were 5 some funny looking people came to the house both my sons were sharing along with their wives as I was taking both of you to the park they demanded they have you and when my poor children refused to hand or your location they killed them with their magic and unfortunately I was left with the task to take care of the both of you only to find out a few years later that you're the daughter of a murder and how your father has killed a lot of innocent people maybe the families of the people who was killed by your murderer of a father are the ones of came to the house that day if they never took in if they just minded their own business they would have been a life right now" she finished while glaring at me her face was as red as a tomato from anger but I can see sadness and grief in her eyes Freya socked as I was

'My father?' I wondered as I looked up at her in confusion

"what? " I questioned quietly not knowing what to say

"Surprised? I hope you are ready because in a couple of days, you will be staying with the Dursleys I will be paying them for you to stay there now that you're all magic I can't have you in my house at least for a while me and Freya will go out of town to try and get a break from you and your magic as long as possible be at your best behaviour and don't you dare tell anyone about being a witch you hear me!" She said sternly as she hugged Freya who was still trying to calm down from being dumbstruck but nothing was available then she took her and went upstairs to pack their stuff

"Wait!" I called out and she stopped and revolved back to look at me

"You said that m-my father my real father is a murderer? And he's alive?"

She turned to look at me with a face full of disgust

"Yes after the death of my family I did some research on your last name and found out that your father was arrested a few years before their deaths because he was found with a gun and caused the death of 12 innocent people" She said before leaving and pulling the redhead girl with her

'Tha's not true it can't be' I thought as my eyes wild with tears but none of them spelt out

I was taken back my parents weren't actually my real parents it was something I was supposed to be sad about being adopted and all all I could think of was who my real parents were and where I know now that my father was alive so I will try to look for him from what grandma said about my mother the real one she was a witch too which means I am not a Muggle-born as Cedric said with everything that happened today I got to my 'bedroom' got changed and laid on my bed thinking over every moment of the day it wasn't until now that it hit me the feeling of sadness being lied to and losing someone I thought of as a sister I can feel some tears going down my cheeks as I drafted to sleep

It's been days since the argument at the (L/n) household and both the older women and Freya have been hard on (Y/n) making her do more chores and always locking her into her room if she's inside the house because they didn't want to see her face anywhere while they are in the house as well and not feed her if she tries to reveal more about her father from the older women in the house it was now a forbidden subject to talk about the girl's father but the said girl distracted herself by going to visit harry and after that, she goes to the park where she has been meeting with a certain boy who has given her his old school books for her to learn about the magic he gives her books alongside his old notes such as:

Hogwarts: A History.

The Standard Book Of Spells. Magical Theory.

A Beginner's Guide to Transfiguration.One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi.

Magical Drafts and Potions. Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them.

and The Dark Forces: A Guide for Self-Protection.

He said is everything a first-year would need except of course a Wand but she can't buy one right now because she doesn't know where to buy one from and ever since she had the fight with her grandma which she told Cedric all about (she couldn't tell harry because she is not allowed to talk about her being a witch to anyone) her grandma decided that she won't need money because she will be moving with the Dursleys and because she was already paying enough for her to stay there and know she was sitting beside Cedric (at their meeting place under their tree far away from any noisy Muggles that could be listening to them) who was trying to teach her to the spell using his wand

"Ok just swing your hand like this and say Rictusempra" explained the boy cheerfully as he watched his friend beside him trying to copy his actions

Rictusempra: the tickling charm

Swinging her hand (Y/n) felt the magic at the end of the wand making her more confident about her magical abilities

"Rictusempra!" She said and looked quite amazed as sparks went out the end of the wand she was holding

It was her first time trying a spell out after some bickering with Cedric as the boy thought that she was ready to try a spell on her own using his wand while she on the other hand was afraid of missing something up and getting caught by Muggles

"Look! You did it B fly told you you can do it" nudging her playfully as the sparks continued lighting brightly at the end of the wand

"Thanks, Ced you don't know how much this means to me" The girl smiled up at him

"Don't mention it I like spending time with you I really wish you could come with me to Hogwarts and I could have shown you more than you could dream of" he retorted looking down at her and smiling a peaceful smile but then that peaceful moment is now long gone with the sight of the younger girls smirk he narrowed his eyebrows at her trying to figure out what's going on her mind

"So this is the tickling charm eh?" She said still smirking as she moved the tip of the wand towards the older boy whose face changed quickly from confused to panicking

"(Y/n) I swear to merl-"

"Rictusempra!"

Before he could say anymore he was down on the ground laughing while the younger girl giggled and kneeled to his side after a few seconds she stopped using the spell against her friend who was trying to take his breath on the ground

"You little troublemaker I didn't teach you spells to use it against me!" He said playfully while getting up

"Sorry couldn't hold myself" She replied giggling

"You're not sorry are you?"

"Nope"

In a blink of an eye the wand was snitch away from the girl and returned back to its rightful owner after putting it in his pocket he turned to the girl tackling her on the ground tickling her as a sort of revenge for using the charm on him as they continue their playing and laughing until it was time to go visit the Dursleys (Y/n) said goodbye to Cedric and made her way to the Dursleys for her daily visit she was to be living with them in a few days so she wanted to spend time with cedric as much as she can before she goes there because she doesn't know if will be able to go out as much when she goes there but today she wanted to see harry as she has been spending less time with him lately and she can feel him starting to notice something is wrong with her and him knowing that she is a witch even thought she wants to tell him she was afraid that he will react the same as freya and she of course doesn't want that to happened. the last few days was hard but she's happy that she is learning more about herself every passing day every since cedric started to teach her magic she read most of the books he gave her and as from now on they will be practicing simple and easy magical spells like the one they practiced today (Y/n) thought it was a cute spell and useful for torture friend and she was totally going to use it more on cedric when she's bored

As she waddled on her way she remembered the Walkman she brought with her it had a headphone and a hands-free She also brought some tapes of songs she thought he might like. it was a gift for Harry she was saving to buy it for a while she thought that he might like listening to music when he wants to take a break from Dudley's shouting and crying all the time even though it was pretty expensive she says that it's worth it if she gets to make harry smile she wants to make him happy and she feels guilty for not spending as much time with him as she used to do.

She arrived at the Drusley's house and she knocked on the door waiting for Harry to open it. not too long after she heard faint footsteps and the door opened to reveal a smiling Harry upon seeing that she finally come as he was waiting patiently for her to come. his aunt was out with Dudley to who knows where and his uncle was in the living room he was watching TV and fell asleep while watching which Harry was thankful for because he now could spend time with her without any of them interfering so he gave her a quick hug

"Come on inside. just be careful Uncle Vernon is sleeping on the couch" He said pulling her with him inside

"let's go to your room I have something for you" (Y/n) said grinning at him excited to see his reaction

After leading her to his 'room' which was the cupboard under the stairs it barely fit both of them but they didn't mind that much even though it was little space it was preferred than the risk of any of Dursleys being with them knowing how they could be cruel to the boy

"Are you all right?" Harry asked looking at the (H/c) girl and giving her a worried look as he could see how tired she had looked the past few days

The said girl frowned her eyebrows at his statement

"What do you mean? Of course, I am all right" She queried even though she didn't tell him anything that was bothering her she knew that the boy in front of her can she that she has been bothered the last few days

"I am not an idiot you know I can tell that something has been troubling you for a while now"

"I mean-" She started but stopped when she saw him glaring at her

"Sorry"

"You have been distant lately you look more tired than usual you rarely stay here anymore always in a rash to get home and our nightly conversations have also been shorter because of how tired you are to get up late at night" the boy mumbled feeling sad thinking she might be tired of hanging out with him and she doesn't want to see him anymore the thought of the girl he grow to love her presence not wanting to be with him anymore hurts him so much he doesn't want to let go of her

On the other hand, the girl beside him notices how he looks glum and is saddened by the looks of the boy she knows that she has been distant but when he states it that way it hurts her and she feels guilty for leaving Harry She wants to tell him everything but her given circumstances doesn't give her a choice but to lie to him

"I am sorry Harry I didn't mean to be away from you my grandma is being a lot harsher to me these few days and she started locking me up so I can't get out of the house," she told him half a lie she hates lying to him but she doesn't have a choice

"Why is she locking you up?" He asked frowning and tilting his head to look at her

"You know how she says I am the one who killed mine and Freya's parents"

"Yes which sounds like a lot of rubbish if you ask me" the boy replayed smirking at his words while the girl beside him chuckled softly

"Well turns out that my parents are not my parents and my real father is a murderer so my grandma thinks he's responsible for their deaths" She quietly says as she plays with her fingers nervously as she doesn't know how he would react

"Well your grandma is a twat" He said while the girl gasps

"Harry!" She says as if she scolding him but when she looks at her friend only to see the smirk still painted on his face

"What am I wrong?"

"Well, not really... " Both of them laugh at her words

"No but really (Y/n) your dad being a murderer has nothing to do with you so don't think about what that woman says she is too old to know what she's talking about" Harry says as he puts his hand on hers squeezing her hand in his reassuring the girl that's everything is going to be fine

She smiles squeezing his hand back as if telling him she going to be fine

"Oh! I totally forgot!" She suddenly remembers why she came here

"What's it?"

She didn't answer but pulled out the gift she had been waiting to give the boy. As she turns back to him she sees his eyes sparkle as he looks at her hands which are holding a bag of tapes and the Walkman she bought for him

The boy was stunned he knew what a Walkman was but the thing is that these things are expensive not to mention that the tapes don't come with them so it might have taken you a lot of time to afford one. Harry looked at the girl

"Is that a Walkman?" He asked gleefully

"No that's my grandma's dentures," said the now smirking

"Ok that's gross" He said before feeling pumped and excited to try it out since the only music the boy ever listened to was either the boring radio music that Uncle Vernon always listened to or the music that came once in a while on TV

(Y/n) handed the Walkman to him as so pulled out the hand-free set and put the tapes down for him to choose from while doing so the boy looked at her softly he felt warm inside but didn't mind it much

"Here I bought all these for you thought you need to have a break from the Dursleys once in a while just don't get caught using it or Dudley will break it for you" She continued to mutter as the boy could only stare at her.

It wasn't the first time the girl gifted him something valuable but this time he couldn't shake the warm feeling he felt rising to his chest he wanted to make her happy as much as she made him but under the circumstances they were in he couldn't the thought of spoiling her as she does to him doesn't leave his mind for a moment until her voice brings him back to reality

"So I bought some tapes I thought you would like to listen to. Which one do you think we can listen to first there are some old songs from the 80s too" She described as she looked at Harry only for him to embrace her in his arms

"Thank you, you really should stop spoiling me too much" His voice was muffled a bit as he nuzzled his face on her shoulder

"No need to thank me Harry plus I wanted to spoil you a little nothing wrong with it as long as you don't turn into Dudley" She chuckles

The boy darts away from her grossed out at the thought of him acting like his cousin but soon joins the girl laughing as he chooses a tape and hands it to the girl as she plugs the hand free on both of them leaning on the cupboard wall a sharing as they both listen to the music and putting her head on his shoulder and closing her eyes as she seems more relaxed now she didn't notice the boy who looked like he had been bewitched by her small action his cheeks grew hot and tenses a bit but when he hears soft snores his body relaxed and he smiled placing his head one her's as he enjoyed the music and drafts to sleep soon after both of them slept while listening to Running up that hill by kate bush

#original character #oc #harry potter fanfiction #fanfic #harry potter x y/n #harry potter x you #harry potter x reader #Spotify

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