#that might be important to mention lol
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Coming soon to a Black Market near you...
Featuring my Nose Wrinkle of Excitement!
Extra meme:
#tpoh#the property of hate#tpoh unhinged recap#my tpoh bowtie came in after i recorded most of the second volume :'''''(#It'll make it's appearance in volume III tho it's okay <3#It's just a bowtie that reminds me of tpoh not an offical tpoh bowtie#That might be important to mention lol#goosehonks
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mira !!! :]
#isat#in stars and time#isat mirabelle#isat spoilers#<- due to act 3 optional content !#the img might be being chewed due to weird canvas size oops ah well#one of these miras is not like the other#one of these miras doesnt belong ASFASFSDAFA#a majority of these are based on things mentioned / that happen in the house cuz i thought itd be fun to draw :D#so like the wilting plant is from gardening room dialogue#the poster with ppl holding hands and sparkly eyes is (i think??) from some SAPSAPSAAP dialogue in one of the first rooms#i tried looking around ISAT to see if it's also in there too but couldnt find it so uh correct me if im wrong if thats NOT an exclusive LOL#side note the 2 in the poster are some old nuz ocs isatified ASDFASFA#funnily enough tho they are from 2 different games if they actually ever met they would hate each others guts i think. hmm...#however both are also the most qualified to help with promotional stuff so theres that ASDFAFA#mira looking at her bonding proposals is sorta on the tin but#the fact that she has like right next to her while she sleeps in her dresser makes me :(#cuz to me it potrays how much theyve been weighing over her cuz of how close shes been keeping them with her vs putting them on a bookshelf#or something idk if that makes sense i dont have proper words atm#but uhhh moving on chalkboard is from one of the optional events#which i think is! important!!! i dont think ive seen many ppl talk about it but!! yeah!#however i too do not have words on it atm but!!! yeah!!!! moving on for now!#the 'mira' that is really just the change god is ofc from the change god event :]#aaand ofc the iconic finish from mira towards the king#and then some misc miras with swords for funsies tbh ASFAFA#but yeah! i like mira a lot actually but as with many things i do not currently have many words to properly articulate *why*#all i know in my heart of hearts is that she is near and dear and special to me personally#one day. one day i will be able to gather my thoughts in a cohesive manner but that day. is not today!#anyway tag talk over :]
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thinking about mafia shen family au. the system is fucking around with shen qingqius life again and is like yk what if ur not gonna tell your husband anything about yourself then ill force you to. have fun! :D
sqq doesn’t even have the time to think 'wtfff??' before Everything Happens. shen yuan’s soul gets shoved back into his original body just moments before he dies. in this version of the au he was choking on food, so he gets the lovely experience of having his airflow blocked again! lucky for him, the system dragged binghe along for the ride so he is saved before he dies again.
this route for mafia au means that the shen family never had to grieve shen yuan. im not sure how the Family reacts to their a-yuan suddenly having a very strong and intimidating significant other (boyfriend? husband?!??? wdym he got married without telling us!?!?) all of a sudden. does shen yuan come out to his family?? no, but also yes, but also not really. they knew he wasn't straight this entire time, so its more like they are coming out to him instead of the other way around. god knows they have bigger skeletons in their closets, they don't care if a twink is in there too.
there is less angst here, and it mostly centers around the comedic factor of shen yuan showing binghe around his house only for them to "stumble upon" an entire closet filled with guns..!?! shen yuan is just standing there in complete horror as binghe grabs a whole ass ar-15!?!?? hes looking at him with the most innocent eyes asking him what this strange metal object is. jesus fucking christ. his white lotus is holding a gun and now he has to explain gun control policies while his brain is leaking out of his ears. he opens his mouth right before an alarm starts blaring everywhere. he’s saved by the bell! except not really, because now six members of his Family are surrounding them and pointing several guns at binghe!!!!! what the actual fuck is going on here!!!!!! this is not how the 'meet the parents' arc is supposed to go!!
#⚙️#im gonna name this route#bingqiu shen family mafia au#because i want to write the binggeyuan version#and i wanna specify which mafia aus im talking about when i post. i cant make up my mind on where i want to take this lol#shen yuan mafia au#the 'closet' was actually very well hidden with several different mechanisms locking it away#im sure sy also had to do a finger scan to open it#and he didnt think much about it because 'all the other doors in his house have locks like that!' its no big deal if we open this one#he showed binghe around to all of the secret spots in his family home where he would hide. and one of those spots happened to be a safe roo#that had a closet full of snacks + warm blankets + and several sets of spare clothes to change into#he never knew that there was another door behind all those coats! wow his house has so many cool features in it!#DA GE WHY DO WE OWN SO MANY GUNS WTF#THIS ISNT AMERICA?????????????#BTW the Family thinks that binghe is probably a spy or smth and preying on sy to get to the Family. that might be important to mention. idk#svsss#svsss au#shen yuan#luo binghe#even tho hes barely mentioned... sorry lbh ill expand on your role here later...#scumbag self saving system#scumbag system#mxtx svsss#svsss luo binghe#bingqiu#its there if u squint#i am the system in this case#i want to put sy into so many Situations™️#svsss shen yuan
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I just want to remind everyone that Wallace is canonically the worse one to sleep in the same bed with.
Scott can be a bad roommate in every other aspect but GUYS Wallace is the one that canonically snores and kicks in his sleep.
Scott sleeps like a princess with his back against the sheet lying perfectly straight (and also taking all the covers) and Wallace sleeps semi-on-his-side and apparently just fucking punting Scott in the leg every so often (not to mention he talked in his sleep too) and I don’t know why this is important to me but it is.
Because when people draw them cuddling in their sleep it’s always Wallace being normal and Scott turning and snoring and shit but you’re missing out on sleepy-cuddly Wallace turning and snoring on Scott. Let that cringe-fail 25 year old be annoying. Istg.
I’m talking to the Mobillace people too btw. Not that I’ve seen anyone draw them cuddling in bed (which is a CRIME btw. Draw that. For me.) but like imagine how funny it would be: Mobile stays the night for the first time and the hot-weirdo is a bed-menace, snoring and kicking and tossing and turning and suction cupping for warmth and Mobile is like “I want him to be my boyfriend” THATS FUNNY! LIKE-
#scott pilgrim#scott pilgrim vs the world#scollace#scott x wallace#scott pilgrim takes off#wallace wells#mobillace#mobile x wallace#mobile scott pilgrim#I’m sick of the cringe-fail erasure of Wallace#he might be more mature than Scott but that fucker ain’t mature#(however yes generally he is the voice of reason for Scott but anyone can be a voice of reason to Scott. Scott has no internal reasoning /h#I made an analysis post at one point about how I believe the primary reason Wallace manages to do half the shit he does#is because it’s easier to get the motivation to do them if he’s telling off Scott for not doing them#we know DAMN WELL that he is scared of their landlord#considering he got plastered the night before they had to go#(he seems to drink when he’s anxious)#and because of how uncharacteristically timid he was in his office#(and can I mention he said the line ‘it’s not our fault we can’t afford rent’ and like. I don’t know it feels important to point out lol)#but he tells Scott that they *have* to go and there landlord is all bark and no bite#despite being visibly nervous around him#so. the reason he dragged Scott to see him with him is because it would make him feel less nervous to see their landlord#if he focused on dragging Scott to see him instead of his own worries#but I never posted that analysis lol#but all this to say#um#i don’t know#but I’m saying something for sure!
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i am wide awake thinking about that post canon jb au again when I should be sleeping …!!! such is the nature of the jbrainrot…
#the whole setting is jb hanging out in the rock post war#and tyrion became lord of the westerlands / the rock is his but he’s off doing stuff in kingslanding and jaime is just filling in for him#atm . but after tyrion comes back his original plan WAS he’ll get married to brienne right away and they can move back to tarth or be#travelling hedge knights together or whatever brienne wants to do he’s down for it. but the important thing is that he wants to stay with#her .. so he’s using the time they have together currently to court her bc she deserves that at least !!#so jaime goes off trying to court and woo brienne but she just thinks they’re hanging out bc they got relatively close in the war#so jaime being touchy feely isn’t anything new. jaime making innuendos and being kinda flirty isn’t anything new either#but this time he means it LOL he’s like I want to kiss you SO badly and brienne will be like lol silly jaime (:#I was also thinking they’d help rebuild lannisport just bc it’s a time for healing now and it would be good for the people to get to know#jaime and the lannisters in general bc of how they would just used to sit high above the rock looking down on everyone#but now jaime is like. actively helping and being known and being with the people rather than just being that absent distant lord#also he’s thinking he might as well try and foster some relationship with the commoners to his house bc it’s for tyrion anyway#so he’s off doing that and brienne is tagging along bc she does not want to go home yet#she wants to stay with him and she’s helping out as an excuse to stay a little longer but she doesn’t exactly want to leave him#but how do you tell someone that and ignore the big glaring part that she’s actually in love with him and the fact that they both survived#the war is getting her hopeful???? u want her to admit that?? like a normal person??? no..!!#so she’s just staying and helping out bc a) it’s the sensible thing to do b) so she can bask on the sun that is Jaime Lannister#for like a few more days. weeks. maybe a month bc the weather is soooo bad in the stormlands rn 🙄😳#anyway jb hanging out! and everything is going well and good but jaime is now getting popular w the people and he’s also looking quite#rugged and handsome post war now that he’s thirty flirty and thriving and he also has a new scar across his lip that makes his#smirks even more ! rogueish … ! and he looks quite nice with the greying hair 👀 so now there’s gossips around him#not to mention he’s single too and I think if you were one of the heroes who helped win the war they’ll forget the kingslaying#man with no honor business so lo and behold brienne eavesdrops a group of ladies bc she’s a chismosa at heart and they’re talking about a#potential marriage for a lord lannister (!!!) and there’s going to be a big tourney held in Kingslanding for it (!!!)#and brienne remembers jaime mentioning the ought to go to Kingslanding in the next few weeks (!!!) and now she’s remembering jaime IS a#lord though not theee lord of the westerlands STILL a lord from one of the seven houses and he’s single and very eligible for marriage rn#and now she’s realising everything is returning back the way it was before the war where society rules matters and she has her own role as#now the evenstar bc rip selwyn and jaime has his own role too and the court is a whole different battlefield#one that she isn’t equipped in and even though she had found some new confidence in herself bc killing a bunch of ice invisible zombies#with your own magic sword will do that for you she doesn’t think (and she’s being objective not negative) she stands a chance in THAT
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I desperately want a mecha bot story that has at least two lesbians. Ideally all the pilots are lesbians but I'll settle for one pilot lesbian with a non-pilot girlfriend if I have to.
Until I am informed that this exists I will be writing my own mecha lesbians story. It'll be a bad mecha story because I have no experience writing those but it will have at least two lesbians so I can't complain.
#the lesbians might also all be half alien because why not#story#lesbians#echo scrambles#just to clarify lesbian romance and relationship drama are also mandatory#like again: I might give something a chance where it's just mentioned once that someone is a lesbian and then it never comes up again#but I think the robots and lesbians should be about equally important to the story#these specific demands are why I'm not waiting to write something myself lol
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Y'know I love everything Supergiant is doing with the mechanics and the encounters but I gotta say. Really kills the mood when you take a blessing from Circe that changes your voice and then meet Icarus. The times you see him at all are so few and far between and twice now have I had my giddiness at one of their sweet interactions stomped out bc Mel sounds absolutely insane in the most distracting way possible.
#im a bit torn cuz her voice changing is silly and i appreciate that detail#but for the ENTIRE run? her dialogue for EVERY interaction from that point on?#bit much imo#i feel like continuity is really important so it might be an all or nothing thing#if it isnt id say just keep it for her little comments during fights and stuff#cuz yall are gonna expand the surface and im gonna hit olympus and her voice being so high would fucking suck lol#if we were way late into the game like post credits i wouldnt care so much#but the heart of the story feels a bit shoved to the side when my girl is x octaves higher and no one is even mentioning it lol#hades 2#hades 2 spoilers#supergiant games#sea plays hades#wonder if i should check out the game discord and put this feedback there?#never played anything in ea but if ive got a problem thats what its for yeah?
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feel lowkey relieved somehow that i just got it out of the way that my parents do not care what happens to me and they think i should just deal with my current symptoms lol
#like idk i guess it's just nice not to waste energy carrying any hope that they might care to help me#they've let me know immediately that it's not important#idk if they even believe me about any of it#i mean they've seen that i can't drive but I'm pretty sure they still think i just refuse because i don't want to#rather than that i am an actual danger to society lol#so whatever#i wasn't sure if i was going to mention it to them at all but i would have kinda felt stupid not doing it#just on the off chance they cared#but now ive gotten that out of the way and i can pinch pennies for the next 10 years i guess lol
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an edek themed collage 🪲
#not me posting this just to have an excuse to talk about him more aaahahhhah#i've created edek approx 4 years ago and since then he went through little to no design changes#he is jus flawless. perfect#his personality however.. oof#i mean !!! he's not a bad guy#as i mentioned before he's very friendly and open to new people and opportunities#its just. he was based on my (now) ex best friend#me and that friend were close during primary school and despite me moving cities we managed to keep this friendship going#but you know. it wasnt the same. it became long distance#and i think i manifested my longing by creating an oc that was based on his aesthetics and personality#it took me some time to realise that i've been viewing this friend through lens of this oc. that of course lead to idealisation#because he wasn't physically there with me i created an imaginary version of him in my head#it was also because at this point we were getting older and slowly growing apart#and i think i wanted to grasp a little part of him that would still understand me#edek's relationship with ryba was also heavily influenced by this relationship#and. well. the things that my ex friend and edek have in common are short temper (despite acting chill) and trouble showing affection#he also tends to say things faster than he can even think them through#oh and he enjoys long walks through the woods and mountain hiking and bicycling and bugs and mushrooms and. yeah#and the other traits!!!!#he is suuuuuuper protective of his loved ones especially his younger sister irenka#his interest include everything thats fantasy and with folklore themes#hes also a stoner lol#aaand a funfact - he and zbyszek (of dycha za zbycha!!!!) used to be friends in childhood but they aren't friends as of now#why you might ask? from edek's pov zbyszek and his family just randomly disappeared#and edek was the only one that wasn't in on the fact that they have moved to the usa#edek wondered why his best friend at that time didn't tell him such important news#and often thought that there mustve been something wrong with him or zbyszek didn't actually like him that much#this incident heeeavily influenced his perception of relationships in the future#OH AND ALSOO hes an artist he graduated art hs with a degree in graphic design and is in college for the same thing#original character
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a strange trend in my favorite characters I realize is that I tend to heavily gravitate toward somewhat obscure, antagonistic forces
#shoutout to the multiple months when I was young when I was obsessed with flatwoman#‘who the fuck is flatwoman’ heh. well. you ever watch the pbs kids show peg + cat?#she appeared in like two episodes and let’s just say. I would’ve died for her as a kid#and yup ok you guessed it this trend continued with my boy pumpkin daddy#what thehell is wrong with that guy and more important question why is he my absolute favorite character of all time#I’m not even talking strictly about PDBC here alright? in that I have full control over him#in ROOTS? oh boy unstoppable force of nature someone Actually euthanize him or something he’s going to commit heinous crimes if left alone#he’s So bizarre mind if I just talk about that before going back to sleep? his morals are all over the place#‘this poor abandoned child. her mother should be ashamed of doing this to her. anyway let’s kidnap her for money’#and then he fucking pretends that he didn’t remember that happening#not that it DIDNT happen but that he just doesn’t remember it??.okay go off king??#at this point I don’t even know if he was lying he might just have Alzheimer’s or something he’s gettin kinda old#also Alzheimer’s is the worst word ever I have to look it up to spell it every time ffs so annoying#also worth mentioning that he almost got himself killed in a pursuit of someone’s money#and then not even a YEAR later he was back at it again trying to scam the SAME people lol GIVE IT A REST#I didn’t type lol this is travesty istg I didn’t type lol there there’s a lol ghost on the loose#he needs to be put down or something#and why the hell is he actually one of the nicest parents like huh?..?man what??#yeah this is my little science experiment I made solely for money. i love her she’s beautiful she’s awesome#my brother in Christ pick a side are you horrible or not#ok also wait that reminds me. it was unintentionally implied that he wasn’t evil once#I won’t go into it for the sake of time but. raises eyebrow. what the hell do you mean#at least I think it was unintentional. it’s still weird to me and I never bothered asking#anyway I should probably go back to sleep I have n appointment in like. two hours. sigh#yayyyy I love characters who suck!!! 🥰🥰🥰 pop off you asshole king and or queen
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Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Category: Gen Characters: Sister Lilith (Warrior Nun), Shotgun Mary (Warrior Nun), Mother Superion (Warrior Nun), Ava Silva, Jillian Salvius, Sister Beatrice (Warrior Nun), Father Vincent (Warrior Nun), Cardinal Duretti (Warrior Nun), Adriel (Warrior Nun), Sister Camila (Warrior Nun) Additional Tags: Angst, It's all of their relationships to one another and to the halo, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence
A short AU for if Mary hadn't arrived on time and Lilith managed to get the halo in 1x05.
#warrior nun#narratives and similar#i debated myself for a long time about tagging so many characters BUT they arguably DO all have an importance in this one#and i suppose my concept of angst might be a tad more tame than most people's but at least you know it's not... happy#anyway i am NOT tagging everyone here lol#i mentioned au's that stick closer to canon the other day and i suppose this qualifies. one small detail...#anyway i was dying to post this one as soon as the challenge closed#also because now i get to post The Other Thing for the valentines bingo#i'll post that on friday instead of the usual drabble so stay tuned for it#also if you're wondering about the title... the challenge was the word precious#so of course i just had the song precious by depeche mode in my head all the damn time. it's a line from it.#if god has a master plan/ that only he understands/ i hope it's your eyes he's seeing through#you can interpret why i chose that and whose pov i used as you will lol
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Recent game related things .. hrmm...
#I do like the inconsistency of the first map. that is actually something older but that I re-found and added to my Game Reference stuff#so that when characters reference where they're from I can be accurate. I like that the whole map is kind of shifted up that way. Where the#actual south part doesnt even count as the south since its Too Far and Scary lol. and if you say you're from 'the north' thats basically#like.. one single continent. Though some people do make distinctions like 'north midlands' or etc. still. I like the ways that common#language isn't always precisely accurate like that. and thinking about why a culture would classify things a certain way or etc. etc.#The inventory page is so funny to me because it's literally just the BASe like.. sample layout just to make sure it works properly with 0#actual design into it. just colored rectangles thrown together in MS paint. but what if I like... left it like that.. what if all the other#art in the game and UI is like stylized and fully matching BUT the inventory/journal/etc. screens I just left as plain colored blocks#with random misalignments and black spots and etc gjhbhjj... It looks unfinished in a Funny Contrast way to me.#the wordcounts are just like... my past few days of writing.. I am still not getting 2200 words a day done or whatever I needed. I'm lucky#if it's even half of that .... tee hee.. :3c I do also keep having appointments and other things going on but..grrr...#The full map of the area is probably not necessary but I thought it would be more realisitc if people were able to reference things. Like i#you have people all living in a city area probably at some point someone might mention a neighboring city or some landmark nearby#or etc. so I thought having at least the basic names of what's around for reference would be sensible. A side character mentioning#'oh yeah I don't live here full time I just travel from Marisene sometimes' or whatever makes it seem more like a Real#Fleshed Out Place than people just making vague references like 'the river' or 'i come from a city nearby' or 'i went to a place somewhere#around here' or 'the other city' or etc. lol.. Especially since global cities/global areas are weird as they operate almost like an#independent country within their walls. so it's like a micro country inside of another country usually. just plopped down in some agreed#upon plot of land that won't be too disruptive to the main country around it. That could get very complex depending on the cultural and#political backdrop of where they're placed (though obviously they try to choose the 'easiest' areas possible for it). Asen is a very mild#country without much history of conflict or anything so it's fine. But still interesting that Sifeh and the entire branched out global area#border three other districts of Asen. Which means like 3 times the local representitives you'l have to negotiate with for some major change#or anything. I think one of the 'random characters you can find around the world and have short discussions with just to make the area#feel more populated and real even though theyre not actual important npcs' is going to be a guy who actually serves on the council that#handles running the global areas and he's like.. some perpetually exhausted middle aged elf running around with a clipboard or whatever#ANYWAY...... hrgh... still trying to write when I can....#I WISH so badly that I had the scope for a simple character creation menu and all character interactions would allot for the background#of your player character. And also to have a simple day night cycle where places in the world you explore/people you talk to during the day#have new options or dialogue at night.. BUT alas... I already am so behind on everything as is lol.. aughhh... T o T#As the worlds number one Needless Detail And Complexity Enjoyer i must dilligently prevent myself from adding additional complexity
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you know what? to be completely fair to dr victor hoppe, if that had happened to me, I, too would develop a complicated (read: fucked up) relationship with like. Everything
#(he’s the main character of the book I’m currently reading lol)#(de engelenmaker/the angel maker by stefan brijs)#elli rambles#can’t speak for the english translation but the original dutch book is really good so far#even though I found the first part of the book pretty boring the second part is incredibly interesting#like man! I Get why he turned out Like That! what the fuck!#the book is such an interesting exploration of christianity/religious trauma & hubris & parent-child relationships & nature vs nurture#that said I do wonder: mr stefan brijs were you perhaps raised catholic? obviously he could have been raised areligiously & just done#loads of research etc but catholicism is Such an important thing in the book that I think it’s the most likely explanation#I would probably get even more out of the book if I like. knew the bible but I am Not reading that thang for this#though it might be worthwhile to go through the dates mentioned in the book & look up if they’ve got importance in christianity (like#holidays & such). wouldn’t put it past the author#anyway. advertisement voice: god complexes! medical inaccuracies & malpractice! explorations of characters that make you go ‘why the fuck#are they Like That’! if you like these things you may be interested in ‘the angel maker’ by stefan brijs#de engelenmaker
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ichinyan still likes dragon quest. by the way.
#snap chats#like a neko#SORRY LOL but its very impotrant everyone knows this is important lore. for an au ill prob never mention again after today#my ichinyan canon already is that he was rescued by PEOPLE. aka jiro's Just A Guy in this timeline. probably#idk if he works at an animal shelter or still at a brothel but anyway point is SOMEONE brought dragon quest in one day#and lil bro never walked away from the tv.. it made funny noises and had pretty pictures...#does he have any idea whats going on NO but it makes his baby brain go :OOOOOO and he loves it#or. loved.#if i ever draw kitty ichi again i might make his collar blue instead since. he's supposed to be a Babe lol... why i pick red dummy...
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uuuug every so often i see writing tips passed around and i want to make a post but i can't find the right words to convey "aaaauuggh don't do what The r/se of sk/walk3r did"
(long tags warning bc i haven't learned how not to type like i'm not popping off yet)
#so basically after the movie was released worldwide to the public- official social media dropped a bunch of side facts about the story.#but not in the way that something like fromsoft games tend to do. u know how there's massive lore in some games?? but not overtly explained#but there's enough there (and the medium type might help) that fans pick up what the game already contains to connect lore.#anyway. the movie in op apparently had…a bunch of details that were relevant to the actual story in the movie but just. were not included#the knig/ts of ren?? their whole deal is Not Included In The Movie that they finally appear in#the planet that connects one of the major characters to the grandpa he has a whole complex revolved around? doesn't mention he visits#the inner thoughts of the protagonists' (supposedly). or the vital sidequest one main guy is on but is only vaguely mentioned?#not in the movie. these and most likely other tidbits important to the characters or narrative in some way were at most given a nod to#but otherwise nothing substantial to these themes and motivations or actual character backgrounds were properly executed/expanded on#so the official socials instead just like. idk shared a bunch of these deets online or in completely separate media of the franchise#but it should!!be in the movie!! it could have enriched the narrative and it could have been better executed!! do u get what i'm saying??#maybe i am like Burned from what that movie did in regards to this (and the franchise as a whole lol) but like. ig what im saying is#you can include the little side bits that might be important to your characters or narrative or themes in some way even in passing#and it doesn't need to be removed from the narrative entirely. if you like your audience to share something that fancies you then-#-you can make room! somewhere somehow. if u want! if it's balanced#so on so forth “kill your darlings” disclaimer but just Please not at the expense of throwing the baby out with the bathwater
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so i went to reblog some fanart earlier and started to tag it #oh this is. incredible actually, and then paused and thought, @self why the 'actually.' what is that adverb conveying. and i contemplated it for a bit, and finally concluded: well, shit. it's reflexive deprecation.
the thing is, deprecation is my starting position pretty much always, and that's a problem in itself, but mostly my problem; but when you're talking abt somebody else's work, and you start backing defensively away from imagined negativity before anyone's even actually voiced any? you may think you're playing bodyguard, but in reality you're the vanguard of the assault, opening a wedge for enemy forces to strike.
i was talking a couple of weeks ago abt seeing ppl tag that kristin sue lucas name-multiplied-by-one post with tags like 'this is art To Me' vel sim., and honestly i think it's a similar sort of reflex—i think exposure to the tumblr vernacular often leads people (very much including me!) to produce turns of phrase like this, that ultimately serve to convey roughly
'i, a clever girlblogger,¹ am, yeah, engaging with this frivolous hai pollai²-coded material; but my relationship to it, unlike that of most she-ple, is Intellectual and Analytical and Examined! and to make that clear, i'll be dropping in these little verbal particles from time to time, in order to distinguish my own, elevated examination of the subject from the state of risible naivete³ i'm implicitly ascribing to the other, more ordinary audience members i'm conjuring up only to instantly put down—but like, it's fine, i'm a free-and-easy girlblogger(TM), so you can't think i'd ever deliberately propagate establishmentarian prejudices! never mind the effect my rhetoric might subconsciously be having, on me or on anyone else…'
and i think this framing is worth squinting at, and worth attempting to excise from one's speech and from one's mindset, because when you get right down to it? it's just yet another insidious manifestation of respectability politics, that's gotten people to adopt it via the cuckoo-chick strategy of positioning itself as cutesy tumblr idiolect.
and like, circling back around to that fanart i mentioned at the outset: yeah, the tag did feel weirdly prosodically truncated to me without that 'actually'! but this way, if the artist ends up seeing my discussion of their work in their notes, they won't be getting slapped in the face with a wet dead fish first, so like. what's more important, you know?
⸻ ¹ ""(gender neutral)"" ² https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hoi_polloi in the feminine, if i haven't totally fumbled my declensions… ³ phrasing nicked from a comment of @proudheron's.
#anyway like. this for sure isn't the definitive post abt this#and really what i'm getting at is just another facet of 'self-deprecation isn't usually actually separable from disparaging others'#but i do think there's a particular subtle flavor of it here that's worth sticking under the microscope in its own right#for those of us who may have breathed it in without noticing‚ and now be spreading it‚ again without noticing‚ in our turn#i mean. obvs also extremely possible i just *think* i've put my finger on something important bc it's late!#but like. imagine tagging‚ idk‚ the winged victory or sth with 'this is art. to me'#it would be SUCH a weird rhetorical move! but consider: it's *always* a weird rhetorical move‚ actually.#bc fundamentally it's a speech pattern that's seeking affirmation of yr own taste/authority/status as Critic#at the expense of the thing you've evaluated—#like‚ you're going 'i think this is neat!! (but that might just be me 😔)'#and then other girlbloggers are supposed to be like 'yeah no i totally see what you mean!!!' and affirm you! but the thing is—#the '(but that might just be me 😔)' part doesn't just undercut yr discernment‚ it undercuts the praise *predicated* on yr discernment#so it's like. you're dissing yourself in a way that's supposed to earn you affirmation‚ which. is fucked up actually‚ lol :)#but—it's one thing when you do it to yourself; when you incorporate it into the foundations of yr compliment#you've actually totally undermined that compliment and rendered it an insult#(not to mention undermined the idea that the thing might have merit in itself‚ beyond yr authority to bestow or withhold—#like. if you're speaking in terms of what's good/deep/Art/&c To You? you've effectively already ceded the main field of universality#and retreated to defend only yr own walled garden—and implied you'll cede even that small ground if it's disputed)#so like. in the context of yr social relationship with yr followers‚ those sorts of qualifiers are affirmation-seeking moves—#though like. also ones that reinforce yr rhetorical passive-victim positionality‚ in a way you shd perhaps consider *not* reinforcing—#but in the context of yr interaction with an OP? they're negging.#and i just think like. i get it and i'm @-ing myself here as much as anyone else! but it's not‚ like‚ a healed-world way to behave. lol.#so like. consider: tagging things 'art' without the cutesy little qualifiers. praising things without the hedging.#i'm not at all good at that but. i'm going to try.#metatumbling#language#the psyche#'close readings no one needed for 300‚ alex'#(extremely tempted to just scrap this writeup tbh but like. the thinking was worth doing‚ so a record of it is worth keeping)
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