#that make me think... in Lars Route. if you play lars route well you know what happened

[culxiaa-fn]

I just finished Clarence's route AND IM SOBBING 😭😭 WTF?! BABE HOW COULD YOU 😭😭😭

Under that Maple tree i hope MC hugs him so tight so he will always remember her warmth.

Under that maple tree when they share each other past stories i hope they held hands so MC warm hand engraved in his mind

Under that maple tree i hope after a long winter and cold Clarence finally feels that warmth that he always longs for

Finally under that maple tree, Clarence found that warm hand that only belongs to her, someone that saves him when he is at his lowest, his saviour, his angel, his spring

[ad-hawkeye]

Visual Novel and Otome Recommendations for the Discerning Artem Enjoyer

So, recently, I've been playing a few other otome games. And you know what? I've had to sludge through a lot of crap! It literally took me months to be able to compile a list of four games I feel confident recommending.

Also, each of these games have an aspect that might appeal to Artem fans, especially a-spec ones. Of course, your mileage may vary, but here are my recommendations.

C14 Dating: You're a college student participating in an archeological internship. The game includes friendship routes as well as romance ones. It's very chill and laid back! I have played through all of the routes and enjoyed them greatly. Though, I am specifically recommending this game for one character - Hendrik, a young geologist who is a TA at the dig site. He is canonically asexual, and is the only character of his kind that I've encountered in a dating sim. The subject matter is also handled very well. This game was actually recommended to me by an anon, and I thank them so very much for it!

Trouble Comes Twice: Adrian. That's all. I'm kidding. Unless? But for real, he feels like if you took Artem Wing, but put him in the childhood friend role. It works so well. I am being entirely serious. Sexualities aren't usually outright stated as most of the characters are bisexual, but in Hazel's Adrian route, Adrian explicitly mentions never having had romantic or sexual feelings before. And Hazel is very chill about it. Which makes Adrian canonically a-spec to me! As for the protagonists, Jace and Hazel, they're an acquired taste, but they get much better as the plot goes on. The game is also a little short, but I enjoyed it very much!

Our Life: Beginnings & Always: Part of me regrets playing this game because now I will never get the chance to play it for the first time again. It is so fucking good. The amount of customization is unreal and unmatched. Cove is a wonderful love interest, and honestly? He might even beat Artem in the blushy boy department. He's also canonically demisexual and embodies the "me and the bad bitch I pulled by being autistic" meme. And on top of this, the game is free. DLC (which includes more memories and two additional love interests) is also extremely cheap, and the price of it all combined is still a lot cheaper than most games.

Lovebrush Chronicles: Definitely the closest to Tears of Themis in terms of it being an otome gacha that finally got its global release back in October. Artem fans tend to be drawn to Clarence and Alkaid, but will find reason to also like Ayn and Lars. For instance, I love all of them. Please send help. The game's localization is excellent and makes the love interests feel more human. The game also has no qualms about making fun of its own characters, and the MC will frequently have the chance to lovingly bully the boys. Speaking of the MC - she is incredible and I love her. She takes no shit and is the only otome MC that has made me think, "yeah, I would definitely say that too," and I love her for it.

[burning-academia-if]

Huh, now that I see your guide for chapter 2, I'm wondering... Which of the endings do you think is the harder to obtain? And the easiest?

I got the mysterious customer one, but I really hesitated about having my MC react or not to her so really, I could have just as easily gotten the calm one.

Also I feel like a LOT of stuff happens on the bad end route! But I guess I won't see that cause... you know... going to eat with people, mutually stealing food from each other's plate with Lars, and generally having a good time sounds more appealing.

PS: thanks to these music asks now the idea of my MC and Lars practicing together lives rent free in my head (since my MC is indeed music major + music hobby, which is something I decided BEFORE knowing that's what Lars does too, one more proof that he's the RO for me). And well, my MC always had good grades and is very dedicated and plans of making the best of the opportunity, even if it's not ideal family wise. So he'll be studying hard for sure!

Hmm, that's hard to say because I don't feel like any are hard to get, but I am the author LOL I think the customer vs the calm ending might be a toss up if you're going in blind though, just because that isn't a choice that seems like it'll have any impact on the ending at first (ie the choice to react to her or not). The bad ending is probably the easiest because I think it's pretty obvious where that choice is going to lead, but it's also easy to avoid because of it as well.

Also if it's just the bad ending, it's a few extra passages, but since I know you likely didn't entertain ???'s questioning, it's obviously going to be felt a little more. I think it evens out though, since there are certain things you can't do in Chapter 3 if you got the bad end (the calm and customer ending will make certain scenes in chapter 4 play out differently, so that's when you'll see the differences between those two). BA is also just not going to be one of those games where you'll see everything in a single play through, which might be obvious with having entirely different paths lol, but it is worth noting again!

And yeah, it's fun to think about the lighter scenes with Lars because with his plot and personality, they don't happen too often. But even if someone's MC doesn't know anything about music, there are alt scenes too (like asking Lars to teach you for example)!

[otnesse]

I'll try to edit the article to note that bit then, but that does NOT mean the Jedi, as in the High Council, played any role in her release. All that means is that Qui-Gon kept his word (let's not forget, it's established that Qui-Gon's a bit of a maverick when it comes to being a Jedi, going against the Council more than a few times, so for all we know, Qui-Gon might have talked to a random Jedi [ie, NOT a council member] and did it without the council's knowledge). And BTW, Shmi herself was so depressed afterwards that part of the reason Watto disabled her explosive leash even BEFORE selling her to Cliegg Lars was precisely to avoid her essentially committing suicide by wandering off beyond the reservation due to her grief, and still hopes for Anakin to return as a Knight.

And I find that bit particularly hard to believe considering he had no such qualms when literally testing Anakin in TPM, making explicit he read Anakin's mind without the latter even giving consent. As far as your last point, isn't that literally the POINT behind the Jedi Mind Trick, their signature move? And please don't give me "it only works on the weak minded." The Imperial Handbook (which, while technically made post-Disney sale, was also made BEFORE the Legends/Canon split, meaning it's barely authorized by George Lucas like all EU works) had given some details on their mindset (namely, and I quote, "Stormtroopers are victorious because of our training, our uniformity, and our ability to bring overwhelming firepower to bear. We offer our lives to our Emperor."), and there was a footnote that said "Stormtrooper ideology is terrifying in its thoroughness, They can't be reasoned with, which means they can't be deprogrammed." And the person who wrote that footnote is none other than Leia. That footnote strongly implied that Stormtroopers if anything were STRONG-MINDED, not weak-minded under the traditional sense (meaning it literally required the Force to make ANY leeway on them, literally any leeway). Had they been truly weak-minded, it if anything would have been notoriously easy for them to deprogram (think The Rise and Fall of Julius Caesar, namely the funeral scene, for a good idea of what I'm getting at).

Except the entire POINT behind that bit is precisely BECAUSE they fear loss ultimately. You want a GOOD example of a Superman version who literally DIDN'T fear loss to such an extent that he's practically the epitome since birth of the trope Beware the Superman? Try Brandon Breyer from the movie BrightBurn. That guy CLEARLY lacked attachments of ANY sort, lacked the fear of ANY loss at all, and it's implied he was a brood parasite as well. And BTW, telling me to accept that "life ends and there's nothing I can do to stop it" is a VERY bad idea since I'm if anything the type who comes VERY close to fully accepting it to the extent of being borderline fatalistic about it, even regarding my OWN life, much less others. In fact, it's such a slippery slope for me that I'm if anything the type of guy who would actually use THAT exact rationale to not only NOT save anyone at all but if anything make me all the MORE willing to cause mass deaths as a result if nothing held me back, especially God watching me constantly. That was quite literally Kefka Palazzo's rationale for his omnicidal actions, in fact, it was quite literally Seymour Guado's rationale as well, even going so far as to claim that he's freeing his victims when he kills them (that's how messed up he truly was). If anything, fear of loss is PRECISELY why I have compassion at all, since I know just HOW valuable life is, whether my own or anyone else's and dread its loss under ANY reason. If I lacked any fear of loss, I'd if anything use as my rationale "The worse, the better" or "A million is a statistic" and go out of my WAY to cause death. I'd know because far too many real-world tyrants in the prior century went that precise route (like Vladimir Lenin, to use an example, who actually was notorious for being the guy who first legalized abortion, even allowed for unlimited access to it). Oh, and for the record, Galenth was not anything like Anakin. If anything, he was more like Palpatine, or even an evil version of Yoda. THIS is what Galenth is like, and you'll see EXACTLY what I mean by that:

If ANYONE was like Anakin, it was Seymour Guado from Final Fantasy X (though I'll be quick to point out that, if anything, Seymour's essentially Anakin if he actually DID take Yoda's "advice" to heart):

Oh, and BTW, this is one of the events that turned him into such a nihilistic nutcase:

And based on his speeches, he MORE than accepted it by the time he became an adulthood. In fact, became TOO accepting of it to such an extent that he even began to nihilistically believe death and suffering was the entire POINT behind life.

Also, considering George Lucas cheerleaded Barack Obama, who even during the election cycle was notoriously pro-abortion (even refused the Red Envelope campaign), to such an extent that Jack Nicholson refused to associate with him and Martin Sheen refused to even DINE with him precisely because of it, and he also made it very clear repeatedly that he modeled his heroes after the Vietcong, who definitely never respected life at all (and in fact, ironically enough, their methods were more invokative of the EMPIRE rather than their actual basis in Star Wars), and even implied recently that he at the time KNEW they were a bunch of mass murderers when he modeled the heroes after them, I wouldn't take his life lessons at all, and I don't think you should either. Heck, recently, my mom and dad suffered severe ailments (UTI-induced memory loss that caused temporary paralysis and she's still getting over right now, as well as Encephilitis-Meningitis), and my instinct when they suffered from it was going out of my way to help them and make sure they got better, even got concerned during work because of it. Had I adopted anything like what the Jedi promoted regarding non-attachments, I would have put a pillow on their face and quickened their demise with the rationale that death was going to happen anyway, not made any effort to help them at all. I also chipped in $20 for Rachel Lillis's cancer treatment when I learned of it, as soon as I got my paycheck in fact, even prayed every night before bed for her to recover or at least have her not suffer, and I would have done it even if I had known at the time that she was suffering from stage 4. In fact, want a good idea of how an ACTUAL greedy Anakin would have treated his wife and possibly his kids? Try having him act like the crook of the week in the NCIS Episode See No Evil, the guy who actually orchestrated his own family's kidnapping just to have an excuse to rob his bosses at the Navy.

Technically, the Death Star was ALSO built partly as part of preparations to fight off the Yuuzhan Vong. Even ignoring that bit, as I pointed out, George Lucas had no qualms singing praises for a group, the Vietcong, who literally USED terror to enforce Marxism in Vietnam (and if anything we were called in to STOP them). And as far as why he'd do that, same reason why the Patriots manipulated terrorists into participating in the S3 Plan, for the heck of it and relishing in power and control, especially when Palpatine at least by that point didn't even view them as a threat. As far as Palpatine is concerned, technically, he never actually TOLD Luke to kill Vader (contrast with Dooku, not to mention how he tried to get Galen Marek to become his apprentice in a similar manner. Oh, and BTW, Palpatine even tried to bait Galen into killing him after he actually bested him, and if anything was FURIOUS at Rahm Kota for interfering, implying he actually DID want Marek to kill him, if for no other reason than to ensure Marek turned to the Dark Side). And I'm pretty sure if Palpatine TRULY didn't want competition, he would have just punted Vader's body into Mustafar and finished the job just to ensure he alone was the only Force User rather than go out of his way to rebuild Vader (which, BTW, the book made VERY clear his concern for Vader's survival surprised EVEN him, and even Ian McDiarmid, his actor, made it clear that was a redeemable trait of Palpatine's, or at least a humane trait of his, and that's the guy who reluctantly stated Palpatine was likely evil from birth.). Besides, Gaston was downright homicidal regarding threats as well (let's not forget, the whole reason he picked a fight with Beast with the intention of murdering him was due to intense jealousy at Belle liking Beast more than him. When Beast overpowered him and left him dangling from the castle by the neck, he even proceeded to beg for his life like a coward, despite his profession logically NOT allowing for that). Heck, his gloating to Yoda even implied he not only fully expected Vader to act out the Rule of Two against him soon, but even looked FORWARD to it ("You cannot stop me! Soon Darth Vader will become far more powerful than EITHER of us!" And let's not forget, the Rule of Two specifically states that once the apprentice is stronger than the master, the latter's dead meat by the apprentice's hands).

@blenderbender1811 This post is meant to be a reblog of this bit, but since I'm most likely blocked by the OP, I can't do that, so I have to settle for this instead:

Okay, found the passage in question:

Orbital mirrors rotated, resolving the faint light of Coruscant's sun to erase the stars; fireships crosshatched the sky with contrails of chemical air scrubber, bleaching away the last reminders of the fires of days past; chill remnants of night slid down the High Council Tower of the Jedi Temple; and within the cloistered chamber itself, Obi-Wan was still trying to talk them out of it. "Yes, of course I trust him," he said patiently. "We can always trust Anakin to do what he thinks is right. But we can't trust him to do what he's told. He can't be made to simply obey. Believe me: I've been trying for many years." Conflicting currents of energy swirled and clashed in the Council Chamber. Traditionally, decisions of the Council were reached by quiet, mutual contemplation of the flow of the Force, until all the Council was of a single mind on the matter. But Obi-Wan knew of this tradition only by reputation, from tales in the archives and stories told by Masters whose tenure on the Council predated the return of the Sith. In the all-too-short years since Obi-Wan's own elevation, argument in this Chamber was more the rule than the exception. "An unintentional opportunity, the Chancellor has given us," Yoda said gravely. "A window he has opened into the operations of his office. Fools we would be, to close our eyes." "Then we should use someone else's eyes," Obi-Wan said "Forgive me, Master Yoda, but you just don't know him the way I do. None of you does. He is fiercely loyal, and there is not a gram of deception in him. You've all seen it; it's one of the arguments that some of you, here in this room, have used against elevating him to Master: he lacks true Jedi reserve, that's what you've said. And by that we all mean that he wears his emotions like a HoloNet banner. How can you ask him to lie to a friend—to spy upon him?" "That is why we must call upon a friend to ask him," said Agen Kolar in his gentle Zabrak baritone. "You don't understand. Don't make him choose between me and Palpatine—" "Why not?" asked the holopresence of Plo Koon from the bridge of Courageous, where he directed the Republic Navy strike force against the Separatist choke point in the Ywllandr system. "Do you fear you would lose such a contest?" "You don't know how much Palpatine's friendship has meant to him over the years. You're asking him to use that friendship as a weapon! To stab his friend in the back. Don't you understand what this will cost him, even if Palpatine is entirely innocent? Especially if he's innocent. Their relationship will never be the same—" "And that," Mace Windu said, "may be the best argument in favor of this plan. I have told you all what I have seen of the energy between Skywalker and the Supreme Chancellor. Anything that might distance young Skywalker from Palpatine's influence is worth the attempt." Obi-Wan didn't need to reach into the Force to know that he would lose this argument. He inclined his head. "I will, of course, abide by the ruling of this Council." "Doubt of that, none of us has." Yoda turned his green gaze on the other councilors. "But if to be done this is, decide we must how best to use him."

And, that's PRECISELY what I described happened. The bolded bit is my emphasis reinforcing my point.

[mythicaldemigoddess-of-deltarune]

Crossover Yandere Delta Warriors And Kris’s Three Souls

-----------------------------

Credit for Steven Universe Series goes to Rebecca Sugar

Credit for Deltarune & Undertale goes to Toby Fox

Credit for Hazbin Hotel & Helluva Boss goes to Vivienne “Vivziepop” Medrano & Spindlehorse

Credit for Yandere Simulator goes to YandereDev

------------------------

I do plan to post this drawing at the other place I post fan art at.

also the reason why Ayano has different color eyes,

has to do with the Genocide Route, Neutral Route and True Pacifist Route of Yandere Simulator.

like depending how we play, if we go full Geno-Route

our eyes, well Ayano’s eyes....become Red.

but if we befriend a rival and help other students, and not kill anyone in yandere simulator.....

Ayano’s eyes will become blue.

why Sans is wearing Steven Universe’s clothes and Pink Steven being right next to him should be obvious.

it has to do with Sans and Steven being one in the same.

and when the Human Half of Steven died, he was reborn as Sans

but the gem half that makes “Pink-Steven” reforms but Human-Steven is not close by and most likely left to maybe to go live with his new family, his new Dad that speaks in hands and his new little brother Papyrus.

the dark purple soul belongs to Knight, the light turquoise blue soul belongs to Kris, and the Red Soul belongs to the Player.

I believe that before the Player’s Red Soul ends up in Deltarune (in Chapter 1), the Knight who is the Dark Purple Soul had made Kris’s life miserable by pulling dark pranks on others, even if Kris could pull some pranks....they would not willingly cross the line, that would be the Knight’s doing.

yeah I have a theory that the Knight had done dark pranks by making Kris do them and making everyone believe it was Kris, while technically it was but at the same time it was against Kris’s will.

think about it, we never did any of those dark pranks that those in Deltarune mention.

so it makes sense that it is the work of the Knight, who’s soul has been controlling Kris before we got there.

and the only time Knight does take control,

is when they are about to do something sneaky and they rip our soul from Kris’s body and the reason why Kris doesn’t fight back is because the Knight is much stronger than them.

it is possible that the only time we are stronger than the Knight, is during the day time in the Lightner’s World and when we are in the Dark World.

but once Nighttime happens, the Knight has the power to control Kris and pull us the Players.

so if this is true, this means that Kris has two souls in them trying to fight for control.....one being the villain known as the “Knight”

and the other being us the Player, the Red Soul.

I see that as fan headcanon.

in theory if the Crystal Gems and Connie, didn’t know that Steven died and became Sans.....

like it happen some time after the end of Steven Universe Future.

Sans might have Alphys help with that, by cloning a homunculus steven body, that the Pink-Steven will be put in and make it so that no one knows Steven had died and became a Magical Talking Skeleton.

well that could be one way to keep the Crystal Gems, Connie, Greg and everyone else from Beach City from finding out what happen to Steven....if he had died off-screen and was brought back to life by Gaster as Sans.

I would like to see a crossover fan art with the meme

Gaster: *hugging Sans* stay away from my Son. 

Greg Universe: but he’s my Son!!

Gaster:.........Stay Away From YOUR Ex-Son......who is now MY Son.

even if we love Steven Universe

(and some of us do love Steven Universe Future)

at least we now know now that the Steven Universe Future,

was NOT the start of Steven’s problems......it was just the boiling point.         

Greg was not a great dad, something we should of seen from the start of the first Season but couldn’t.

I plan to re-watch the first series of Steven Universe, to really watch it

and notice the stuff that we never truly notice before....

like even if the Crystal Gems did make some mistakes with how they treated Steven most of the time during his childhood.

and Amethyst did start to become a better big sister to Steven,

like with the whole finding out his Mom is Pink Diamond.

even if not a lot of fans liked Steven Universe Future, because of different reasons....

but we have to acknowledge the problem Steven was having didn’t start in the Steven Universe Future.....it started in the first series.

even if Steven had his good days, he did end up with trauma and he didn’t see a doctor until Steven Universe Future....

which you can thank his “Ex-Dad Greg” for that.

most families have excuses for not being able to go to a doctor.

after becoming rich, Greg could of hired Steven a tutor

and send him to school.....though I don’t think you have to be rich to do that.....at least I don’t think so.

but we can’t place the blame on Steven, even if his Human and Gem Family loves him dearly....

it doesn’t help that Greg and Connie form a “Human Beings Club”

kind of excluding Steven and making him feel a type of negative emotion.

I believe what Steven was feeling when he also says “human beings.”

was a type of negative feeling, but like still wanting to be included in the human bonding that his Dad and Best Friend (Future Girlfriend) were having.

Greg was a bit disappointing in the episode where he took Steven to where his parents lived.....

just when Steven was becoming more better and even enjoyed finding out about his Dad’s past.....Greg only made things worse again,

when he couldn’t understand why his own son was upset with him.

 there might of been more to the story of Greg’s Parents than what Greg told so far.....it is possible that one of Greg’s parents had very sensitive hearing and couldn’t handle really loud music.

and Greg could of broke that rule many times and that is why his parents don’t allow any music in the house.

even if that episode tried to play that Greg was a victim, it might not be 100% true.....

yes Pink’s punishments were unjust at times, but we have to remember how bad she was before she given Earth.

so most of her punishments were just, meaning she deserved them.

while other times she didn’t deserve them at all.

the problem might be that both Greg’s Parents

and Blue & Yellow Diamond, would punish Greg and Pink even at times when they didn’t deserve it.....

but it could be that before they did start punishing them,

they let them get away with so much and one point both of them crossed a line that it became too much for Greg’s Parents and even Yellow & Blue, and they had no choice but to ground them

to Greg’s Room and Pink’s Tower.

once again the problem with Steven

didn’t start in Steven Universe Future,

it started at the very beginning in Steven Universe.

the the boiling point maybe started in the Steven Universe Movie,

then the breaking point started in the Steven Universe Future.

not all fans of Steven Universe, have to like Steven Universe Future.

I happen to love Steven Universe, Steven Universe Future and the Movie.

but we have to try to come to terms that the problems Steven was having, didn’t start in Steven Universe Future.

it started in Steven Universe, and even if not a lot of fans will accept that.....well it is their choice, and they should accept it by their own free will to.

I do plan to re-watch the first series to see if Steven had more than one bad experience which would of been one of the first problems he had before his breaking point in Steven Universe Future.

I know at first I thought of the Steven Universe Future

as the time he had his boiling point, but in correction it would be his breaking point that would get worse over time.

the boiling point would be the first stage, which would start in Steven Universe Future.....when more of his mother’s past misdeeds would come to light.

 the breaking point would slowly consume and get stronger for Steven, to the point where he would end up becoming Monster-Steven.

Steven becomes a gem monster because of all the negative emotions,

he only gets better once everyone realize what they didn’t do for him.

being there for him when he needs it.

at times we could pretend that everything is fine for others,

like acting like we are only a little sad but doing pretty okay now.

but that might not be for the best....even if we might think it is.

          Sans might be a future version of Steven,

who had gotten better and learned from his past, but could still hold on to some form of bitter memories.

like what if the one calling Connie, when Steven proposed to her...

wasn’t Connie’s Mom but was a Boy that Connie was Dating.

and she still liked Steven, but couldn’t bring herself to tell Steven.

well hopefully that isn’t true and that was just Connie’s Mom.

we know that a lot of fans were worried for their ship.

well the Sadie and Lars Ship had became the Friend Zone Ship.

meaning it went from “I Ship It” to “I Bud It”

Shep seems nice though, when I did first see them on the opening I didn’t know if they were a boy or a girl.....

but it turns out they are nonbinary, so it’s nice that the episode where they officially appeared on (as well as their bio.) had confirmed Shep’s identity.

I think I still need to figure out the whole Gyno-Agender

or Feminine-Nonbinary thing.....

I wonder how many fans of both Yandere Simulator and Undertale/Deltarune.....

would think that Fun-Girl from Yandere Simulator,

reminds them of Gaster....?

well Fun-Girl does remind me of Gaster, it be nice if both games did canon crossovers.

well there is that Yanderetale,

but maybe that is only Semi-Canon.....maybe?

there is another crossover drawing I did, that has to do with Undertale/Deltarune and even another game....

but I will wait until tomorrow to post it.

hope some of you like this drawing.

I wonder if it be weird to Crossover ship Sans x Collin....?  

I will think about it, but it might leave me a little sheepish. lol       

[jq37]

The Case File – Mice and Murder Ep 4

The Case of the Puzzling Painting 

Welcome back to Loam Hall where our Sylvan Sleuths are still hanging out in a room with a dead body. When we left off, Gangie had been snooping into Sly’s conversation about Fletcher Cottonbottom and now, he uses his Criminal Contacts feature to see what he knows, if anything, about a recent return. With a 26 he knows that his family used to be well respected but after the whole business with the insurance fraud and Sly busting it, the family kind of fell out of favor. So Fletcher was in a weird position where he was rich and a part of high society and had enough dirt on everyone to get them to do things for him but couldn’t actually show his face because he was disgraced. Gangie also knows that it’s rumored that Fletcher’s weapons running scheme was actually a front for moving art. 

With regard to more recent news about Fletcher, Gangie was never in direct contact with him but he knows that 3-4 years ago, his most trusted henchmen started going missing--people attributed it to some kind of “Cottonbottom Curse” and that rumor is part of why Gangie decided to get out of dodge in the first place.

Buck does an insight check on the rest of the PCs and, with an 18, doesn’t clock anyone there as especially suspicious (Lars isn’t there but like..it’s Lars). Ian tries to give Squire Badger his last rites but ends up pulling the knife out, putting it back in, flapping blood everywhere with his feathers, and sending Constance into a badger rage. Buck tries to help smooth over things, claiming his big screw up was a new style of avant garde church ritual (Ian appreciates the support--who ministers to the ministers, you know?) and in the process sees his knife for the first time. Which, you know. He obviously suspected before but never nice to see.

While this is going on, Daisy sneaks off to try and check on the secret door and everyone sees her do it/eventually follows her but we’ll get back to her once we check in with Lars who is en route to the kitchen. Once in the hallway, they do a perception check and, on a 15, there are 3 doors and Ally gets to pick one. There’s a kitchen where Gilfoyle is talking to a group, a door where someone is crying behind it, and a door where they can hear nothing. Ally, the galaxy brained genius, goes for the quiet door. That’s the money door and with their ears pressed against the door, they can hear Edwina and Carolyn--the two mice maids that overheard Buck’s conversation with the Badger--whispering about what happened there and wondering if they should pay back the money they were paid to by Buck.

Gilfoyle walks out and sees Lars snooping but on a Nat 20 deception check, Lars is able to play dumb and skate by suspiciousness. Also, with a dirty 20 perception check, when the mice maids leave, Lars sees that they’ve been stealing silverware. 

OK, back to Daisy who is getting to the séance room as quickly as possible. She has two rounds before people catch up to her so she’s trying to make the most of it by Investigating the painting she noticed was bolted to the wall earlier. She first rolls an 11, getting no new information. This is so frustrating to her. She’s good at this dammit! But being around Sly is rattling her terribly. She has feelings for him--strong ones. But she isn’t herself around him. How can she be with him if he makes her so unlike herself? Her introspection is enough to earn her advantage from Brennan on her second roll and boom! 25! Daisy is back. 

With that roll, she notices that the eyes in the painting actually move and can be used as a spying post on the other side. Then Sly runs in and they start bickering immediately. Daisy throws a crystal ball at him and absolutely brains him on a nat 20--the first combat roll of this very RP oriented season. 

Buck and Ian are still in the room with the body for the moment and Buck asks Ian about the first few names on the list Gangie gave him. There were a bunch of members of the Burrows family--a working class family that all died of a consumptive illness. And then the Diggories who died in a carriage accident. The connecting thread? All badgers. Buck then zooms away to follow Daisy, Ian follows, and Lars, seeing them as they leave the kitchens, also follows. 

So all the PCs are in the séance room now and they kinda have the sense of, “OK y’all, we’re all screwed but we’re al screwed together so we better throw our lot in with each other and start working together so we don’t die because no one else here is on our side.” Buck proposes an alliance and they all agree to share info. Sly asks about Buck’s knife and Buck admits it’s his but says he didn’t do it. Sly believes him--not because he wouldn’t do it but because he has no motive (that he knows about anyway. Buck doesn’t spill about the contract). 

Gangie shares the list of names from before with the whole group.It’s like half badgers and then some other critters (full list here). Sly doesn’t share any of his secret info Grant got texted. Daisy and Buck don’t share about the key (though Sly you’ll remember sat her steal it). Buck does however mention his suspicion about the fact that Gilfoyle wasn’t around when Squire Badger gave his speech and Daisy does the same about the fact that he said he would call the cops but the cops haven’t arrived yet. Lar’s remembers that Jez’s husband is gunning for at seat in parliament and wonders if this is related somehow. Daisy mentions the eyes in the painting and everyone is like way to bury the lede dude! Especially when they’ve just all spilled their secrets. Everyone checks on the painting and with a 25 Gangie can intuit that this is probably used to spy on rich people when they’re mid-séance and vulnerable and spilling secrets (which he doesn’t share but Daisy comes to a similar conclusion on her own). Buck on a 23 can smell ledgers (idk how but the DM said so and I’m reporting it) and guesses that that’s where the Squire’s real office is which means that’s probably where the contract he needs to find and destroy is too. 

 The group makes a list of their loose ends which are what’s on the other side of the painting, what’s up with Fletcher, and the smell of ozone. Plus Ian remembers that the date on the bust in the study is wrong and shares with the class. 

Lars tries to get to the other side of the room by ripping the painting off the hinges with a very impressive 26 but there is fully a wall behind it and the noise brings Gilfoyle, Harding, and the Badger kids running. Lars notes that in the stone behind the painting it says “⅓”  and then hurriedly puts the painting back. Daisy thinks that might refer to a secret third floor or basement accessible by the elevator (but my first thought was that there were 2 other spying paintings in the house somewhere).

Everyone in the room hears the Gilfoyle and co. coming and try to act natural. There is a group stealth check that they all tank so heavily that all the suspicious staff and kids need to do to suss them out is roll above a 5.

AND THEY ROLL A TWO. 

With that, Lucretia appears, totally buys that they’re doing very important spiritual work in there, and in fact guards the door for them. They use the privacy bought by their very vigilant sentry to plan their next steps. Sly, Daisy, and Ian will check out the study while they rest of them check out the elevator. As they exit, Lucretia asks if they got the answers they needed out of the spirits.

Oh yes, says Daisy, echoing Lucretia’s nonsense prediction from last episode. Either something good or bad might happen. Either way, I’m excited! 

Case Notes

How baller of a player move is it to say a line so poignant that the DM is forced to let you roll with advantage? I have been on the other side of that as the DM and it’s so great. MAD respect to Rekha for that. AND THEN THE DICE COOPERATED. You simply love to see it. 

The other best Rekha line is Daisy to Sly upon being called out about stealing the key in his normal, coy, quippy way: You saw me bitch.

Shout out to Grant also for being constantly on as Sly. The guy is on point always. Impeccable.

I am SO SO SO happy Daisy and Sly are on the same mission team. If I was friends with either of them I’d be like, “This is a toxic relationship, they make you too crazy.” But as an outside viewer I want them to be within crystal ball throwing distance always.  

The question I’m sure we’re all asking: Is Brennan enough of a minx to invoke the butler did it trope? I know everyone at the table is thinking it even if none of them have said it outright. I figured the reason the cops haven’t showed up yet was the storm but who knows?

Two pieces of housekeeping, only Buck and Gangie know what the room behind the painting is with their high rolls and, after the bit of passing it back and forth with Buck, Daisy has the key. 

I really can’t do the bit about Gangie’s mom justice. I wish there was a comedy Emmy for actual play DnD shows so D20 could get the accolades it deserves just for that bit. 

Brennan indicated that the conversation between the mice maids was the most interesting info (Gilfoyle convo to staff was too public to be juicy/they could get the info from one of the many gathered staff people and crying is info on its own--though I am curious about who the crying person was) but I’m wondering what he meant by that. Because the fact that Buck paid them might be interesting if Buck did it. But we know he didn’t. Is it the fact that they were in the room at all? Again, info that the party knows if not Lars specifically.  The fact that they were stealing silverware? What’s Brennan’s game here?

[atamascolily]

Okay, I have calmed down enough after reading Aftermath: Empire’s End that I can address the bit that really got to me.

TL;DR: the entire “Contigency” business is based on an extended chess metaphor and... I have questions.

Previously, we have learned that a Jakku orphan named Galli Rax stowed away on Palpatine’s Space Yacht so he could get away, only to be caught by Palpatine. Palps told the kid that he had two choices: die, or go back to Jakku and make sure no one stumbled across the Mysterious Thing (”the Observatory”) Palps was constructing out in the desert. Galli chooses the latter, and Palps sends him back to Jakku and Galli does his thing. Ten years later, Palps shows back up with the space yacht to compliment Galli on a job well done and take him away.

O.... kay. I’m not sure how Palps was able to ensure Rax would keep his end of the bargain. Sure, he has a supervisor Yupe Tashu and a bunch of droids, and I suppose they could have killed Galli, but... there didn’t seem to be anything stopping Galli from running away? I doubt even Palps would have bothered to stalk one kid just to prove a point, but it just seems really weird from Palpatine’s perspective to be so hands-off.

Anyway, so the first thing they do in their Big Reunion is Palps teaches him how to play chess. And I don’t just mean Thinly-Disguised Space Chess as a stand-in for the real thing, I mean actual chess.

Here’s the passage that made me start to howl and gibber from a world-building perspective:

“It’s a very old game. Shah-tezh, in this interation, thought over the eons I have seen it spawn many variants. Dejarik. Moebius. Chess. In most of the iterations the core mechanism remains.”

To be clear: this is Palpatine talking. What the hell does he mean by “over the eons I have seen”? That’s not the sort of thing you say if it’s something you know from a book or a story, that’s what you say if you’ve personally experienced it. Is Palpatine really that old?? If so, this is HUGE, absolutely earth-shattering bombshell from a world-building perspective. Is it ever followed up on? Not that I can tell.

What. The. Actual. Fuck.

(To be fair, I’m not against this, per se, but I just... feel like if it was important.... it should be relevant.... and not name-dropped once and never mentioned again? Like, it matters? AAHHHHHHHHHHH.)

The other thing that made me scream, is, of course, the fact he comes right out and says it’s Chess In Space, which.... While I have used “holo-chess” as a synonym for “dejarik” in my fics, and Wookiepeedia says “holochess” is an accepted synonym for dejarik in nu!canon, this particular passage reads weirdly to me because it implies that chess as we know it on Earth is a separate but related game to dejarik, not just another name for the same game. And I... have questions about that, just like I would if “poker” suddenly appeared in the GFFA lingo along with “sabacc”.

{Also, I just want to note that the Persian word for chess is shatranj. Per the “History of Chess” article on Wikipedia:

Players started calling "Shāh!" (Persian for "King!") when attacking the opponent's king, and "Shāh Māt!" (Persian for "the king is helpless" – see checkmate) when the king was attacked and could not escape from attack. These exclamations persisted in chess as it traveled to other lands.

This isn’t the first time real-life details have migrated into Star Wars - “Tatooine” is named after a location in Tunisia, and the Lars’ farm is located in the “Great Chott” which actually exists on Earth.... but still. I’m just saying.}

And again, this is probably me being stupid and petty about Details That Don’t Matter, except that the one is actually huge from a plot and thematic perspective, so it’s hard not to get tripped up on it.

Anyway, so Palps instructs Galli in the intricacies of shah-tezh, and it all boils down to one thing: “without the Imperator, the demesne cannot survive”.

And That’s the reason why Palpatine has to personally make sure the world burns after his death, because it means that his Empire has completely failed if he dies and deserves to be punished. O.... kay then.

(Granted, Palpatine is a crazed narcissist, but... there’s like no way this makes logical sense, right? And Rax doesn’t even think “oh, that’s insane, but I have to agree to stay alive”. Even at this juncture, when he barely knows Palpatine at all, he’s completely swallowed the Kool-Aid. Which is odd because he’s very skeptical about other things.)

Anyway, Palps repeats it because it’s his guiding principle: “If an Empire cannot protect its Emperor then that Empire must be deemed a failure. It collapses not only because its central figure is gone, but because it must not be allowed to remain.”

He’s so incensed he nearly strangles Galli, but then he relents, and says Galli is “the Contigency” and if he fails, he’ll be replaced, because literally, “destiny”. Then they go watch opera, because Palps hasn’t found anyone to watch opera with him since that one time with Anakin and... Vader isn’t into that, lol.

(The problem with making opera Galli’s thing is that ALL OF THOSE SCENES ARE FLASHBACKS or referred to in passing in the narrative rather than viewed directly. So we don’t see him poised at the opera, plotting, the way Palps did in ROTS, or contemplating art like Thrawn does. So it’s easy to forget that he has this quirk. Also, it makes him feel like a Thrawn knock-off. But I do like that it’s canon that he’s just the Biggest Drama Queen ever, though.)

I’ve said this before in earlier rants, but to repeat: I do not see Palpatine as having the relative humility needed to even consider his own death seriously. in ROTJ, he acts 100% confident that he’s gonna come out the winner. So to come up with an entire elaborate plot, on the off chance that someone might off him seems just... kinda OOC?

Sure, he’s the type to have wheels within wheels and all kinds of schemes going on simultaneously, but... this one involves placing a lot of trust in Galli Rax going along with the script, and I just... don’t get why he would assume Rax would automatically go along with it, or be able to. There are just so many variables that the novel doesn’t seem to address and it’s just hard for me to imagine Palpatine doing this without making other/additional Contigencies, not just one.

Anyway, so it turns out “the Contingency” is to lure both the Imperial remnant and the New Republic fleets to Jakku and then literally blow the entire planet up to take everyone out at once, while a handful of specially chosen loyalist ride off in Palpatine’s Space Yacht for the Unknown Regions to form a new Empire. Which... okay, sure, why not. In theory, this sounds pretty cool and it involves all of Palpatine’s favor tricks, including a planet-destroying superweapon.

Where it actually breaks down is in the details, of course. And Palpatine is still dead, of course, so it does shit-all for him, except for some vindictive satisfaction while still alive, I guess. 

(And if he is planning on coming back, it seems weird to burn down the house you plan on re-occupying later? I guess? *shrugs*)

Anyway, it turns out that Palpatine has a whole network of Observatories, where he does all kinds of secret, evil things:

Palpatine began establishing the Observatories before the start of the Galactic Empire, infusing each with purpose: Some were meant to house ancient Sith artificats, others designed to host powerful weapons designs (or the weapons themselves), others still meant as prisons harnessing the lifeforces of those captured within for a variety of strange purposes.

(which, given that the Ashmead’s Lock prison on Kashyyyk is powered by its inhabitants’ life force a la The Matrix, strongly suggests that it, too, is an Observatory, although the book does not say that directly and canon will probably never mention the energy-harvesting thing again despite ALL OF THE QUESTIONS THE EXISTENCE OF SUCH TECH RAISES.)

I’m okay with this passage, because it means that the Maw Installation, the Eye of Palpatine, and Wayland are all part of this system. It feels very much in-character. However, only Jakku is part of the Contigency, at least according to Galli, but--tbh, I kinda doubt it, because when have we ever known Palpatine to tell the truth? Or have Only One Plan?

Anyway, for decades, the Observatory computers have been plotting a route through hyperspace into the Unknown Regions. (I thought this was something only Jedi could do, since they were supposedly hard-core Space Navigators? Otherwise, what was even the point? *shrugs* Why do you even need a “Sith Wayfinder” anyway? *cough cough*) Then there’s an obligatory Thrawn reference, since Thrawn is canon, but Rax is pretty dismissive and says that the only reason Palps tolerated Thrawn was for his secret navigational insights into the Unknown Regions.

So if Palps loses his original demesne, he’s just gonna go conquer the Chiss or something? Except he can’t, because he’s dead, so what ever. I don’t even know, okay? Does anyone know what happened to Thrawn or the Chiss post-OT in the Disney ‘verse??

Anyway, Palps is convinced there’s something in the dark side waiting for him out there, which Galli is dismissive of. You’d think a guy who had literally been Force-choked would be more accepting of this instead of assuming it was just wishful thinking, but okay then. This is pretty clearly meant to be an obvious Snoke reference, which gets wonky with the TROS retcon that Snoke was a clone-puppet of Palpatine the entire time!

Anyway, Rax gets Yupe Tashu all geared up with Secret Evil Sith Gear and a Magic Kyber Crystal and tosses him into the planet’s core, and it starts the self-destruct process. Except it doesn’t because Rae Sloane kills Rax at the last moment, puts a stop to it, and steals the yacht full of feral children and flies off into the sunset to carry on Rax’s master plan because the New Republic destroyed the Imperial fleet while she was distracted and she apparently is tired of all this shit? Okay.

Anyway, she makes a deal with Armitage Hux that she’ll keep Brendol from abusing him if he keeps the feral kids from attacking her, and apparently it works out. This is supposed to be the origin of the First Order, and I guess they find Snoke or something, but none of the details are ever explained in any material I can find, so.... *shrugs*

I just really don’t understand how the First Order can be functional under the conditions herein described and how it logically evolves from This One Ship to a massive, disciplined force capable of wiping out the New Republic.

So I finished the book and... was kind of mad, because it just felt like a complete waste of my time. Overally, this whole thing just seems like a lot of build-up that doesn’t go anywhere, and provides weird backstory that only raises more unaddressed questions for things that really didn’t need it. 

also, it’s darkly amusing to me that this book comes out saying, “yup, the ST is a literal game-board reset of the OT, and Palps fully intended for it to be that way, even though we at Disney had no plans to bring him back as a villain at first” and I just... well, props for honesty, I guess?

anyway, the whole thing is a mess from a world-building perspective, and even though Star Wars is Fake and In Space, I just get grumpy when things don’t line up, especially since that was supposed to be one of the major selling points of this new canon in the first place.

[stevenuniversallyreviews]

Episode 125: Doug Out

“It can't be all ‘Bam!’ ‘Pow!’ action all the time.”

(First things first: Lamar Abrams’s delightful promo art leans away from traditional cards with the title and storyboarders, and this is my favorite of the bunch. He really knocks the visual pun out of the park.)

Dr. Maheswaran is a titanic presence in her daughter’s life, and while she does have a canonical first name—Priyanka, according to Ian Jones-Quartey—it says a lot that the show itself only presents her as “Doctor” or “Mom.” She, not Doug, is the person Connie must reconcile with in Nightmare Hospital. She, not Doug, is the one that’s late picking Connie up in Storm in the Room. She, not Doug, takes the role of Yellow Diamond in Stevonnie’s psychic dream from Jungle Moon. And Doug, as should be clear now, has a first name that we actually hear on the show. Hell, it’s in the name of the episode.

Doug’s status as a background character allows his characterization to be more fluid than his wife’s. In Fusion Cuisine, which is a weird episode period in terms of Maheswaran behavior, he tells a joke to break the tension and disapproves of Steven and Connie hugging. In the far superior Winter Forecast, he’s frustrated with Greg in the bad timelines, appreciative of Greg’s cherry sweater in the good timeline, and we learn that he can’t drive in the snow (but thinks he can). Connie has told us that her parents are strict, which logically means he’s strict, but we see more impatience than strictness in his voiced appearances.

None of what we’ve witnessed lines up too well with the Doug we get in Doug Out: sure, we’ve seen his awkwardness, and I guess his tendency towards jokes at inopportune times means he can be funny, but he’s super silly in this episode. Normally such a huge shift in characterization would bug me, buuuut:

Doug is such a minor character that it’s not a huge deal that his personality adjusts to fit the story better, and

We’ve only seen Doug with Dr. Maheswaran nearby and I can totally buy that he acts differently when she’s not around.

It would’ve been nice for the canon if a little more of Doug’s behavior from Doug Out had been established earlier, but yeah this isn’t a dealbreaker for me. It’s already weird that Connie said in Bubble Buddies that her family moves around a lot because of his security job, considering they don’t move at all over the course of the show and her mother’s job certainly pays more than her father’s, so at least showing Doug at work lends some consistency to her claim.

Entering the episode by pulling a prank on Steven is a succinct way for the show to tell us this is a new Doug. We do get references to the Maheswarans being all about safety, namely his concern over Steven's hydration after eating salty fry bits, but he’s simultaneously silly with the kids and proud that his daughter is a “swashbuckling swashbuckler.” Plus his dopey smile is the same as his daughter’s dopey smile and it’s the most precious thing in the world.

There hasn’t been any indication that Connie is distant from her father, despite his lack of screentime; in fact, one of my favorite unspoken bits of characterization for the family is how she (and through her, Stevonnie) often wears his signature flight jacket. But it’s still great to see them get along so well, keeping up the light mood from the beginning of the episode and amplifying it through paternal playfulness. 

While bringing kids along for a security mission after hours doesn’t sound like something an ultra-responsible parent would do, I choose to see it as a sign of Doug’s respect for his kid and her friend. He knows they’ve handled dangerous situations before, and it’s neat to see him acknowledge this by allowing them to ride along. Moreover, the whole point of the episode is that he doesn’t think his job is exciting, so it’s not like he thinks he’s throwing the kids into a violent situation. And considering he wants to see more action like his daughter does in missions or his wife does in the hospital, I’m glad that this jealousy never turns petty or mean-spirited: this wasn’t a given, as he’s been unfriendly in the past. Doug sort of rules in this episode, and it’s nice that veteran voice actor Crispin Freeman finally gets something to do with him.

The goofiness isn’t limited to Doug, as half of what makes him great is his playing along with Connie and Steven’s prepackaged goofiness. The kids are in top form in Doug Out, dressing as ridiculously-named parodies of Carmen Sandiego and Mario while they’re on the case (Connie’s assertion that Pizzapoppolis sounds more Greek than Italian is in contention with her bemoaning the laws of physics in the Gravitron for the best “Connie’s A Nerd” joke of the night). They’re down to mess around and ruin a teen’s night, and I’m here for it.

Still, I wouldn’t call this a full-on goofy episode, particularly when it evolves into a sequel of sorts to Gem Hunt. Aivi and Surasshu’s soundtrack evokes exaggerated noir as Doug talks shop, but shifts to a menacing drone as the trio encounters evidence of something sinister afoot at Funland. Steven and Connie stay in-character during the chase, but drop the act when discussing the possibility of a Gem Mutant or Homeworld Gem. Whatever they’re hunting is clearly hunting them, and perhaps the most impressive aspect of Doug Out is maintaining a tone of genuine looming danger that isn’t undermined by the episode’s numerous jokes.

The mystery, as in Gem Hunt, is complicated by a red herring. During Connie’s first big mission we’re led to believe that a Corrupted Gem might be healing itself, given the multiple distinct footprints, but we learn in the third act that it was Jasper all along. This time we get a wide array of dangerous possibilities, so the third act Onion reveal initially comes as a relief. But we’ve never seen him this scared before, and his distinct silhouette doesn’t match that of the shadowy figure on the roof.

Before we can think about the hints that Onion isn’t our perp, the focus shifts back to Doug as we conclude his character’s episode-long arc. He wants to be taken seriously, projecting a badass vibe that’s often undermined moments later by an intentional joke (like calling his daughter by her “Cucamonga” alias with a straight face) or by the emergence of his inner square (pretending to be undercover by removing his glasses then instantly relenting because he needs them to see). He’s not incompetent, correctly deducing that the culprit isn’t a regular teen and quieting the children to listen for clues, but he’s just a normal security guard in a family with a surgeon and a kid hero. You can’t blame the guy for developing a bit of an inferiority complex.  

So again, I really appreciate that his behavior doesn’t devolve into toxic overcompensation, because that’s the obvious route to go and it would’ve made this episode so much worse. He respects the kids and doesn’t pretend he needs to protect them, and he doesn’t let his desire for action let him get in over his head—in another similarity to Gem Hunt, he stresses the importance of calling for backup instead of stubbornly going it alone. When Connie talks about how much she loves and values him, we’re allowed to feel it, because she’s reiterating what we’ve seen rather than letting a petty control freak off the hook.

We’re coming off another terrific Dad Moment in Lion 4, but Greg being great is par for the course. Most Dad Episodes are understandably about him: other father/child relationships have their days in the limelight (Fryman and Peedee in Frybo, Kofi and the Pizza Twins in Beach Party, Bill and Buck in Shirt Club, and Yellowtail/Marty and Sour Cream in Drop Beat Dad), but Greg gets more focus episodes than all of those combined. So while I would’ve liked to see more of him in an arc that hinges on the phrase “my dad,” I love that we get one last new Dad Episode to kick off the end of Season 4, especially if it lets us see Connie again before her kidnapping.

Onion may be a red herring, but the whole ending with Doug and Connie’s sweet talk is another red herring, tricking us into thinking the episode is wrapping up and that despite the suspicious inconsistencies, Onion was just being Onion. Unlike Gem Hunt, our heroes don’t solve the mystery, and because they don’t, neither do we. We have more information than Steven that something sinister is afoot, with an alien threat that for some reason is going after Onion, but before our sleuths can learn more, we cut to black.

After the victories of taking the ocean back from Lapis and saving the world from the Cluster, Act III of Steven Universe is the first with a tragic midpoint, and the fallout of Steven’s sacrifice at the end of Season 4 ripples through the first third of Season 5. Episodes like Storm in the Room and Lion 4 bring plenty of angst as well, so Doug Out wisely gives us some comic relief before the sweet-and-somber flavor of The Good Lars and the tension that follows. That tension is still present here (we get a cliffhanger, after all), but I’ll take moments of pure happiness where I can. This isn’t a silly episode in the vein of The New Crystal Gems, but it’ll still be a while until we have this much fun in one episode again.

We’re the one, we’re the ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!

It’s time again to expand our Top List, from a Top Twenty to a Top Twenty-Five! Most are Act II classics that got pushed down by the sheer volume of great episodes, but Lion 4 makes the cut as well. We’ll keep it at 25 until Change Your Mind; normally I’d switch to 30 at Episode 150 to keep up the Top 20% trend, but it seems more fitting to expand when the original series concludes.

Doug Out sadly does not make the cut, but it’s still an episode I love. We’ve had plenty of cliffhanger episodes that feel incomplete, and while this one also leaves us wanting more, it still works as a full story and not just setup. And the story is great!

Top Twenty-Five

Steven and the Stevens

Hit the Diamond

Mirror Gem

Lion 3: Straight to Video

Alone Together

Last One Out of Beach City

The Return

Jailbreak

The Answer

Mindful Education

Sworn to the Sword

Rose’s Scabbard

Earthlings

Mr. Greg

Coach Steven

Giant Woman

Beach City Drift

Winter Forecast

Bismuth

Steven’s Dream

When It Rains

Catch and Release

Chille Tid

Lion 4: Alternate Ending

Keeping It Together

Love ‘em

Laser Light Cannon

Bubble Buddies

Tiger Millionaire

Lion 2: The Movie

Rose’s Room

An Indirect Kiss

Ocean Gem

Space Race

Garnet’s Universe

Warp Tour

The Test

Future Vision

On the Run

Maximum Capacity

Marble Madness

Political Power

Full Disclosure

Joy Ride

We Need to Talk

Cry for Help

Keystone Motel

Back to the Barn

Steven’s Birthday

It Could’ve Been Great

Message Received

Log Date 7 15 2

Same Old World

The New Lars

Monster Reunion

Alone at Sea

Crack the Whip

Beta

Back to the Moon

Kindergarten Kid

Buddy’s Book

Gem Harvest

Three Gems and a Baby

That Will Be All

The New Crystal Gems

Storm in the Room

Room for Ruby

Doug Out

Like ‘em

Gem Glow

Frybo

Arcade Mania

So Many Birthdays

Lars and the Cool Kids

Onion Trade

Steven the Sword Fighter

Beach Party

Monster Buddies

Keep Beach City Weird

Watermelon Steven

The Message

Open Book

Story for Steven

Shirt Club

Love Letters

Reformed

Rising Tides, Crashing Tides

Onion Friend

Historical Friction

Friend Ship

Nightmare Hospital

Too Far

Barn Mates

Steven Floats

Drop Beat Dad

Too Short to Ride

Restaurant Wars

Kiki’s Pizza Delivery Service

Greg the Babysitter

Gem Hunt

Steven vs. Amethyst

Bubbled

Adventures in Light Distortion

Gem Heist

The Zoo

Rocknaldo

Enh

Cheeseburger Backpack

Together Breakfast

Cat Fingers

Serious Steven

Steven’s Lion

Joking Victim

Secret Team

Say Uncle

Super Watermelon Island

Gem Drill

Know Your Fusion

Future Boy Zoltron

Tiger Philanthropist

No Thanks!

     6. Horror Club      5. Fusion Cuisine      4. House Guest      3. Onion Gang      2. Sadie’s Song      1. Island Adventure

[thelustrousyellowdiamond]

List of references and behind the scenes stuff for the latest arc

If there’s anything you’d like to know about or something I missed, please send an ask about anything that’s happened in the log if you need clarification, juicy details, etc.

- This whole storyline was supposed to be an alternate take on the events of Change Your Mind. I made it my goal to change and improve on things I didn’t like all that much. However, many of my plans for this arc were made before even Familiar aired on TV. I had always intended for Blue and Yellow to realize the truth by watching the videos that Rose made for Steven, and then for Steven to say, “Wait, you actually called me Steven!” I was rather taken aback in Familiar when Blue called Steven by his name in that episode because it didn’t seem like she was at the point of acceptance yet. I had Steven say that to Yellow instead so it wouldn’t feel too repetitive (that episode is canon to the events of the story) although I will point out that she did call him that while she was working at the Big Donut, but that was mainly to avoid suspicion.

-There’s a role reversal from Change Your Mind, with Yellow and the Crystal Gems fighting against Blue to get Steven out of the bubble, as opposed to Blue and Steven fighting against Yellow to get the Crystal Gems out of a bubble. 

- My goal here was to have all of the Crystal Gems play a role in saving Steven’s life. In Change Your Mind, the only thing that they really do that’s useful is fuse with Steven. I wanted to make sure that even though they were overpowered, they could still use their wits to save his life. Connie caught Steven while he was falling, Pearl stood up to Blue Diamond, Amethyst gave Garnet the idea of using her future vision powers, and Garnet was the one who pulled the whole plan off.

-One thing I did like in the Diamond Days arc was the fusion cameos, obviously I couldn’t do fusions with Steven, so I got those out of the way earlier (I’ll explain later why I needed to have him fuse then)

-One minor bit of character development I did was to show Pearl and Sugilitie working together to save Steven, and they have an improved relationship.

-Pearl being able to resist Blue’s aura is an improvement of the scene between Blue and Lapis. I wanted Pearl to stand up to Blue by empathizing with her rather than claiming that her pain is worse than hers. That was something that irritated me. I made a callback to Three Gems and a Baby and A Single Pale Rose to compare Pearl’s situation to Blue’s, and have Pearl explain how she got through it. Her motherly relationship also shows in “YOU WILL NOT HURT MY BABY!” To me, it just seemed truly more empowering.

-Garnet is very conflicted in the scene where she contemplates kissing Blue with future vision because Ruby sees it as scandalous to their relationship with Sapphire and with their shared enmity towards Blue. While Sapphire sees it as the only way to save Steven, while Ruby would rather just beat Blue up the old fashioned way. Let’s just say for now that it’s not a settled issue between the two of them… (Also, the future vision thing was an afterthought honestly, I needed Blue to fall into a trance that would change her mind but couldn’t figure out how it would play out, and then it just clicked)

-With that, I realize many people were confused as to what was happening to Blue. All of it was an illusion, and Blue was seeing multiple futures at the same time. One was Pink with a dead unrevivable Steven, another was Pink Steven, another was Rose with a resurrected Steven, and the last was one where nothing came back from the pink diamond gem at all. It’s fun coming up with all the possible ways that could have played out that I could actually include here in some capacity.

-The scene where Pink Diamond confronts Blue in future vision is a reference to Hans confronting Elsa over Anna’s frozen heart in the movie Frozen, down to the moment where Blue drops to the ground in grief while her aura of power subsides.

-Blue regretting her actions and desiring to return Steven’s gem is meant to be similar to what Pearl went through in Three Gems and a Baby, not understanding why Rose gave up her form, but accepting it nonetheless.

-Amethyst’s line, “We’re not the Crystal Gems without him” is a callback to her line in Gem Glow about the team not being complete without Steven.

-Garnet’s line “I wasn’t strong enough,” is a line she says when poofed in Attack the Light, though the dialogue from the game came from season 1 of the show since Estelle didn’t record for that game. I’m not sure which episode it was taken from.

-The music in both videos is taken from the track “The Tear Heals” from Tangled. It was a big giveaway, so I held off until now to specify which track it was.

-The whole death and resurrection scene is a reference to all those Disney Princess movies, but most especially to Tangled and Beauty and the Beast. Fitting, since many princess references were used in Diamond Days anyway.

-For the first video, I was originally going to do a zoom out on the last frame but my editor wouldn’t let me do that so I just did a fade effect instead.

-The way Steven rises from the ground while regenerating is mainly a reference to Beauty and the Beast, as well as the reaction shots. You could see it as a lowkey reference to Lars’ resurrection though.

-The flaming effect was a reference to the way Time Lords regenerate in Doctor Who, but animating those flames would have proven difficult so I just did simple fade effects.

-The rose blooming from Steven’s chest is a reference to the scene from Tangled where the image of the golden flower appears on Eugene’s wound. It’s also a reference to how Steven’s powers work, as well as to his mother, Rose Quartz.

-Speaking of which, I had the ghost of Pink Diamond appear for several significant reasons. For one, I hated the implication that she was completely and totally “gone,” and having Steven cry over and hug a clone of himself just seemed a little weird to me. I decided to go with a more compromising route, by having her ghost linger for a few moments. But rest assured, Steven is his own person and being. I did this as a bit of an improvement on the original scene.

-One reason I had Pink come back was to resolve aspects of her story, one of which was to reconcile with her fellow Diamonds. Originally it was just going to be a moment with Pink and Blue, but I decided on including Yellow too. That moment was to represent her forgiveness of everything they’ve done to her and Steven.

-I didn’t have her turn into Rose originally, but it made more sense for her to appear in that form to the Crystal Gems, because that is how they knew her. For those who are wondering, she was trying to say, “I’m sorry” but the words are inaudible.

-I really like the fading ghosts kind of trope, and even though I had this idea before it came out, this would be comparable to Solaria reconciling with her granddaughter Meteora and by extension her daughter in the last episode of Star vs. the Forces of Evil.

-Rose’s tear was supposed to fall on Steven but physically it didn’t seem to make sense while he was falling too so I decided not to do that. 

-I also decided that Steven needed to be aged up- it was pure coincidence that his teenage design was revealed while I was drawing the next comic panel. He’s still 14, so not as tall as he will be at 16, but his height is slightly taller than Amethyst and Connie. 

-He has bangs, Diamond eyes, and a rotated gem to resemble Pink more, but in a very Steven-y way. His partial reformation was made to reflect his character growth (both physically and in maturity) and his acceptance of his Diamond heritage. It’s not so much that he’s trying to take on the identity of his mother (though he’ll still have issues later down the line, that’s far from over) but more so that he’s embracing his connection with the Diamond Authority, Homeworld, and wants to forge a better and brighter future with them as his family.

-Also, how on Earth could a homage to Disney Princess movies be complete without a romantic kiss? I was sorely disappointed when there was no Connverse kiss in Together Alone. There was a royal ball and everything! Such a wasted opportunity! Like that episode, Steven is self conscious while Connie is more impulsive and overcome with joy. Poor Steven was just confused, but I wanted to make it clear that he did enjoy the kiss and it did end up being consentual even though Connie swept him off his feet (literally). I wanted to add the accidental falling into the water scene because it looked cool to draw and just adorably awkward.

-The scene with Steven asking about his hair is both a reference to Doctor Who (Am I ginger?) as well as his desire to have pink hair as revealed in Storm in the Room.

-Yellow Diamond telling Steven that he looks nice the way he is has significance to her character development for two reasons. The first thing she said to him when she saw him for the first time was “Is that Rose Quartz?!? Look at this hideous new form she’s taken! Forget the trial, we should shatter her just for looking like that!” Not only is she finally acknowledging Steven as his own individual, but in her relief that he’s alive, she has come to accept Steven as he is and loves him truly, half human and all.

-One thing I didn’t like about Change Your Mind was that Steven’s mother issues were kind of swept under the rug. Yeah he accepts himself, but so what? Pink’s story isn’t done, and I don’t think he has quite reached the point of being at peace what what she has done in the past. But even then, you don’t just “get over” growing up without your biological mom, no matter how many female role models you have in your life. And I had Steven share his unique kind of grief with the Diamonds and Crystal Gems, as a reminder that the one thing they have in common is that they’re all grieving Rose/Pink and they want to move on as a family. His grief is unique because he never knew her. It’s really touching and sad, but there was a scene in An Indirect Kiss where Steven implies that he’d rather have known Rose and be saddened by her memory than to never have known her at all. The closest he can get is having his loved ones share their memories of her with him, and the Diamonds knew this whole entire chapter of Pink’s life that the Crystal Gems didn’t know. (Even Pearl was not around for that entire time as she was a replacement.) I didn’t include this because it slipped my mind, but Steven’s intention was for everyone in his family to be able to bond over those memories of Rose/Pink. After all, the Diamonds did miss 5,000 years of Pink’s life while she was with the Crystal Gems.

-Amethyst’s line “Darn it! Now you’ve got me acting all sappy!” is a reference to Rainbow Dash from a My Little Pony episode called The Last Roundup.

Anything I’ve missed or want to know about? Just tell me! And thank you for taking the time to read all of this, I’ll get right back to working on the actual story as soon as I can! (Should be less than a week)

EDIT: Oh, and one last thing! Blue Diamond's monologue was supposed to be a reference to what Pearl said in Rose's Scabbard about not being able to understand how she feels, as well as what Blue said in Reunited. There's a ton of irony in that scene!

[unproduciblesmackdown]

some random numbers: 1, 3, 6, 15, 23, 31, 35, 40. give me ur ungodly long answers.

lmaooo YES brevity whom......i cannot be concise

1) favorite videos?

i sure spent 2010 - 2014 enjoying youtube horror interpersonal-drama series marble hornets, those are a good time. and here in the future you and i both know there is just a wellspring of wrol-related Video Content out there, god damn, i really love so many of them.....in between that there’s sure been a lot of fun and funney videos and like, some Artistique ones i like to revisit [or have disappeared :( ] but i always like to promote this Wuthering Heights one. i love it. oh lol!!!! and the uh, Skate 3 Glitch compilations!!! so so funny

3) favorite memes?

i think Deep Fried Memes are fun all the time lol. the Youtube Meme of “___ but ____” is a lot of fun OH YEAH steamed hams was awesome too. the 24601 Releases A Sammich On Parole ytp is priceless......this is just turning into favorite videos again lmao. vine as a meme and a whole

6)favorite mixes?

you know i never really made or used playlists lol!!!! i will just be like, in the mood for certain songs or else like “i want to listen to music but....which ones”.....i say i can never be concise and all of these answers turning out short lol. it’s not b/c i’m Concise but b/c like, i don’t know what Favorites i have and i don’t have a memory that works without Direct Reminders of Specific Things so i’m just failing to like, come up with the info in the first place smh

15) favorite fictional characters?

here we go lol i can answer this one cuz when i have a fave rave it’s rare and like, easier to remember cuz i do not Go Hard about it that often.....weirdly for the first few years of The Decade i did’t really have such certain faves.....i was def enjoying some characters, as i always do, but nothing like super standout. then in ‘11 or ‘12 or whatever i was like oh hey, ed from cowboybeboy.......and then just had like, the solo experience of me humoring myself w/ that. bit of an usual one b/c a lot of the characters i Really latch on to will tend to be kinda roughly similar in ways that maybe seem pretty at-first-glance levels of obvious, buuut idk she’s not That far off from my usual selections i guess lol. anyways then in 2014 i was like, time to go ham for lars. what a valuable time it was....what Fun we had.....truly tho! and then another interval later it’s 2016 and for similarly (relatable characters of roughly the same cut) i was like, well here i am having a great time re: kip, all while getting to generously use of my fave shade of blue and fangs central and all that fun stuff. and then another interval later the Eventual Unfolding of what started innn 2017 i guess occurs, and it’s late 2018, and i’m like, time to look into Jared Kleinman b/c just from reading the wikipedia summary that didn’t mention him all that much i could tell this was probably a character i’d go ham for for predictable reasons, and the vague interest in that has stuck with me for the past little-over-a-year......and then i was Completely right lol. deh? well that’s just Bonus Jared Lore, to me (though of course alana in her own right is a great and similarly underappreciated character. rights)....and then of course i’ve had a lot of fun with pretty much each and every Wrol Role lmao.......Very fond of jeremy, and also christine, and bmc just has really enjoyable and interesting characters all over the place. and of course, here i am, Extremely #about winston quantbillions as another certified fave rave, really. call it classic!!!

[[answered both 23 and 31 prior, actually.....words were typed....]]

35)a random memory you remember with strange clarity?

tough one because lol a fair amount of “you recorded this memory in a fair amount of detail” is due to increased levels of unpleasantness / stress / discomfort, and if it’s also “i remember this b/c it was Nice” then i wouldn’t call that Strange clarity lol, and Random Memory like “just pull one up from the ol memory bank” is like, god, i wish it were that simple........but give me a min.

oh yeah i had a High Time of it when pokemon go came out (only pokemonn game i have ever played lol) coz there was like, this stretch of Landmarks stops that started at this garden and went along this waterfront / connected park forrr maybe like a half mile stretch? ideal territory and people would actually like, come from out of town to partake in it lol. and i’d Download podcast eps on my phone from my work’s wifi and just like, in the evening listen to that or music and just like, walk and do this shit. i had like five or six gyaradoses at one point cuz i guess the riverside nature of it meant they wanted to throw all these magikarp at you (there Were carp, also! one of the parks had a koi pond.) and like, there were just all these people around doing it along with you, even that late at night and in the early AM hours, so it was fairly social even if u weren’t there with a group or talking with anyone (though there was Camaraderie like, oh hey just so you guys know, there is a ____ over by the boat.) and it was just an interesting Walk with several things to look at and routes to take. and one time in a weird Dead Of Night time like 1am there was this like, smallish cruise ship docked that actually Set Off. and like, a bunch of us randos were just standing there and watching this unfold. this isn’t a very good Clear Random Memory but if i tried to think of a good one, god only knows how long it’d take me lol

40)an important personal revelation?

oh jeez this has really been a decade with lots of the unfortunate combo of “stuff that is a bummer but also boring” lol.......a benefit of getting to spend more time than not Away From The Parents’ House was like, oh sweet, having this perspective for long enough finally leads me to the conclusion of why i hate this......B/c It Is Bad. oh yeah and then there was also conclusively figuring out early in the decade like oh right, i’m trans, that makes sense.......other layers of Gayassedness like oh, more specifically i’m nonbinary, oh yeah and like, i’m not straight, call that queer and/or bi and/or also Gay......bein grey ace like a champ, and aromantic like, oh yeah i’m not like, fucking up at being a person somehow and Letting People Down by not wanting to date them (i mean besides rando cishet men. they can be let down regardless).....and just like, this ongoing process of getting the space to b figuring out myself and what i like For myself in alll kinds of ways....even up till now with the “oh yeah ive been a theatre gay all my life lmaooo” bit that’s like, totally obvious but just like, i didn’t much have the reason to even look at the would-be obvious stuff from the right perspex till now. and it’s pretty fun to realize a Lifelong Area Of Big Interest like that, cuz those sorts of things can feel elusive. and then also unfortunately a lot of the decade has involved like, “oh my self-esteem is so fucked that it’s circling back around and i’m appreciating and valuing myself and that i deserve decent treatment and Not bad shit,” which was a crappy process obviously lol but it was nice when i did start to get there, and making further progress on that front. im not dead certain when i was like “hmm...am autistic” b/c that was definitely a really ongoing process of figuring that out lol, but when / as i did it’s definitely a series of “oh hahaha this is why i’m like This or why i do This or feel like This about This!!” and it’s really easy to learn a totally Brand New Thing all the time abt bein autistic where it’s like Oh #Me!! coz yknow. the info By and For autistic ppl is not always widely available and known of. love that for us

[elsajeni]

May the 4th 2019 Letter

Dear Yoda,

Hi! Thanks for checking in! You’ve seen my general likes/DNWs in my sign-up already, but let me restate it here so it’s all in one place, and then we’ll get to the ship-specific stuff...

Likes: family feelings; bantering or bickering; moments of humor even in the darkest situations; misunderstandings that turn out all right in the end; poly relationships; casual relationships; hurt/comfort.

Sexy Likes, if you go in that direction: light bondage; lots of talking during sex, both sweet and dirty; realistic funny or awkward moments. If you're writing about teen characters (since some relationships I've requested would lend themselves to that), I'd rather not have anything explicit on-page, but I'm fine with offscreen or fade-to-black implied sex.

DNWs: rape/non-con unless specified; incest; explicit scenes with underage characters; detailed description of bodily fluids; drastically different AUs (what-ifs and canon-divergent fics are fine, this is about coffeeshop AUs, A/B/O, etc.); infidelity; unrelentingly dark and grim stories (I like a glimmering of hope).

Star Wars canon preferences: I'm sure you can tell from my request list that I love and miss the old EU/Legends content. For any request that features Legends characters, I'd be very happy with a purely Legends-based fic, but I also love gluing the loose ends of Legends continuity into the loose ends of sequel trilogy continuity; please feel free to mix and match Legends and canon material.

Relationship-specific prompts:

X-Wing Division:

Biggs Darklighter/Luke Skywalker

I like this best as a teen relationship that grows a little awkwardly out of their friendship, is fun while it lasts, and transitions pretty easily back into friendship when it ends. That said, whatever you do with this pairing, it’s going to be a little bit tinged with sadness; if you prefer it a LOT tinged with sadness, I’d also be delighted with a fic taking place in the brief window between when they reconnect in the Rebellion and the Death Star run.

Alternately, get weird with it – find a way for Biggs to survive, or bring him back from the dead. Write that Space Winter Soldier AU that I secretly kind of love, or Luke being haunted by the literal ghosts of his past.

Wedge Antilles/Luke Skywalker

I would really like something that brings Wedge into the sequel trilogy timeline, and especially a look at what Luke’s choice to isolate himself means for their relationship. Was Wedge ever on Ahch-To with him? Have they been in contact at all since he disappeared? When he’s found, is Wedge in a rush to see him again, or are his feelings more complicated? (As you may be guessing here, this is an area where I am very comfortable with a “not actually dead” AU! If you like a more tragic tone, though, do feel free to go with the canonical ending of TLJ.)

I’d also love this as a more early-relationship fic -- if you go that route, I’m interested in the pressures that their respective positions and commitments put on a relationship, and especially the difficulty of maintaining a relationship with someone who keeps disappearing on incomprehensible Jedi business.

Wedge Antilles/Wes Janson

Let’s be honest, I’m mostly looking for more Wraith Squadron/Starfighters of Adumar-style shenanigans here. Alternately, this is a pairing that lends itself to hurt/comfort – both of these guys have more than enough canonical close calls. Or why not a bit of both? If you’re feeling ambitious, you could fix Isard’s Revenge for me by writing their reunion post-Distna, after they’ve both believed each other to be dead for weeks.

Falynn Sandskimmer

Listen. I’ve been marching up and down carrying this banner that says “FALYNN SANDSKIMMER DESERVED BETTER” for so long. My arms are so tired. You take it for a minute, won’t you?

Let her survive and prove herself and be happy, with Myn or without (slight preference for without, tbh!). I’d love to see her get over the embarrassment of thoughtlessly insulting Piggy and develop a real friendship with him. Or write me something from her past -- teen Falynn raising hell in Mos Eisley, or the misadventures in her early career that put her on track for Wraith Squadron.

Threesomes Division:

Lando Calrissian/Mara Jade, Lando Calrissian/Mara Jade/Luke Skywalker

I liked Lando and Mara’s EU relationship, and wasn’t too happy with the “it was a cover” retcon – show me the time, or times, that it wasn’t just a cover. Or, how about an earlier meeting in their lives, when Mara was brand-new to Karrde’s organization, or during the few days they must have overlapped at Jabba’s Palace?

I’ve always liked Luke and Lando as a romantic pairing, too, so why not bring it all together? Three people who all care deeply for each other, who aren’t often in the same place at the same time, but when they are, well… let’s meet over a mug of hot chocolate and see where the evening takes us. (I’d prefer this with everyone on more-or-less equal footing – not with Luke and Mara as an established/married couple and Lando as the outsider.)

Wedge Antilles/Mara Jade/Luke Skywalker

I’d love to see this as a V gradually changing shapes into a more even triad, as Wedge and Mara come to see more in each other than Commander Square Corners and a barely-trustworthy reformed assassin. I’m most interested in this as a getting-together or early-relationship fic, with everyone sorting out their feelings and their respective claims on each other.

Wedge Antilles/Leia Organa/Han Solo, Lando Calrissian/Leia Organa/Han Solo

Another two that go together! With either of these, what I’d most like to see is Leia and Han inviting a friend (or, in Lando’s case, a friendly ex) into their bedroom as a one-time fling or a casual, but ongoing, FWB arrangement; I’m less interested in a long-term triad. If it’s Lando, I’d love to see a little tension between him and Leia as they sort out the boundaries of their respective claims on Han, but ultimately I do want this to be a happy, fun encounter for everyone involved. If you go with Wedge, I’ve always been very fond of his close friendship with Leia in the EU, and I’d like that to be his closer tie to her and Han.

Long Shots Division:

Leia Organa & Beru Whitesun

I would be MOST interested in this as a roleswap AU where Leia is the twin raised on the Lars farm. They thought Luke was headstrong and too like his father -- what a challenge raising Leia would have been. I’d love to see a look at that alternate childhood for Leia, and her relationship with her aunt in particular.

Alternately, find a way for Beru to survive, and to meet her boy’s new friends and family -- does she figure out who Leia is? (Did she know there was another baby?) What do they think of each other? Is Leia a little dismissive, maybe, of a Nice Mom Who Makes Cheese, or do they connect right away?

Mara Jade/Gara Petothel | Lara Notsil

Is this ridiculous? Yes. Do I love it anyway? Yes.

The most plausible version of this is maybe Mara/ “Kirney” during Lara’s Intelligence training -- the timeline is ambiguous, but it doesn’t seem crazy to think they might have been on Imperial Center at the same time, or that the Emperor’s Hand might have been sent to some of the society parties where Kirney made herself at home. Alternately, I think they could have some very interesting things to say to each other later on, after they’ve both changed sides (at least once) and are dealing with what the Empire did to their heads.

Garik “Face” Loran/Ton Phanan

This is in the Long Shots Division because I have a weirdly specific desire here: ghosts. Give me Ton hanging around after death -- where else does he have to go, after all? Haunting all the Wraiths, or just Face, or trying to figure out how he can go haunt some Imperials and ruin their day. Making Face miserable, or still making him laugh (and is he real, or is this some kind of coping mechanism, and does Face want to find out which?), or not seeming to know he’s dead. Just... Ghost Ton. Pls.

Alternately, I’d also be happy with them getting into shenanigans and having lots of pleasant casual sex during happier days. But I love ghosts.

Oola/Leia Organa

There wasn’t a LOT of time for dancers to hang around unwatched at Jabba’s Palace, and they were only there together for a couple of days (and even that, only if we fudge the timeline a little). But sometimes it only takes a couple of days, and sometimes all you need is a few bright stolen moments.

Miscellaneous Division:

DJ/Talon Karrde

I’ll be honest, I don’t really have a plan here, I just think this is a fantastic idea. I was thinking about Karrde the whole time DJ was on screen, and half-expecting him to turn out to BE Karrde, and I am delighted by the idea of this pairing. I think there’s something interesting here about grey areas, and the “rogue with a heart of gold” archetype, and what, realistically, it means to play both sides against the middle when one side is clearly and melodramatically evil.

Mara Jade & Darth Vader

I’m interested in Mara’s childhood and youth, and the sort of... just-under-the-surface yawning horror that we know is there, but that’s not really dug into much in the EU. Give me something with her and Vader encountering each other -- as rivals for Palpatine’s attention, as tentative allies, as student and teacher, or as...

Mara Jade/Darth Vader

... something more than any of that. This could go in a lot of different ways, from something as relatively innocent as an uncomfortable attraction between two people with no one else to talk to, to something as dark as the Emperor ordering one of them to the other’s bedroom. Whatever direction you go with it, I do want it to treat the power dynamics and age dynamics here seriously, and to lean into the darkness that’s present in what we know about Mara’s childhood and youth – no one here is having a good time or doing something they’ll be happy to look back on.

(This is the one sort-of-exception to the “no rape/non-con” clause; it’s a pairing that lends itself to questionable or compromised consent, and I’m into that. The line between what’s “dubcon” and what’s “non-con” is blurry, but as much as possible, I’d prefer that you stay on the dubcon side of it -- deceit, coercion, and uncomfortable power imbalances, yes; violence, physical or Force-based force, or explicit non-consent that’s ignored, no.)

(This is NOT an exception to the “no explicit scenes with underage characters” clause. If you write this with Mara as a teen, please keep anything explicitly sexual off-screen.)

Winter Celchu/Leia Organa

I’d like to see this as a youthful experiment between friends – something casual that doesn’t last, but that remains a fond memory and a little bit of an in-joke.

Obi-Wan Kenobi/Owen Lars/Beru Whitesun

Obi-Wan – Ben, now – stays nearby, after he leaves the baby with them. Maybe it’s to keep an eye out, to make sure Anakin’s child doesn’t draw any undue attention. But maybe it’s not just that.

I’d love basically anything you do with this – a one-time fling that everyone is a little embarrassed about in the morning; an arrangement that sees Obi-Wan stopping by the homestead infrequently for dinner and conversation and, after the kid goes to bed, a night of companionship; a full-on AU where Luke grows up with Uncle Ben as essentially a third parent. (Whatever you do here, Luke will obviously be around! But I am more interested in this focusing on the relationship between the adults, not on any of their relationships with Luke.)

[enbouton]

Better Call Saul Rewatch, Part 1/30: They Called Him Slippin’ Jimmy

Late last month, I decided to rewatch all of BCS and post about it, one episode at a time, every day during the 30 days leading up to the premiere. The elements of this plan that proved problematic were “post” and “one episode at a time”, but we’ve still got three weeks, so let’s do this. I’m not much of a critic; this is going to be mostly just a bundle of thoughts and observations. There will also be a key to references in the dialogue, notes on locations and the timeline, and probably a lot of gushing over beautiful frames, because there are many (see above! look at that! look at it!!!). The tag will be #bcs rewatch, for your following/blocking needs.

Uno (Season 1, Episode 1)

Written by Vince Gilligan & Peter Gould / Directed by Vince Gilligan

If the Cinnabon sequence constitutes fanservice, I don’t care, because it’s brilliant. 

BCS uses a lot of intense chiaroscuro, and it starts in the scene at Gene’s apartment. Details— the ice in the glass, the white label on the bottle of Scotch— are highlighted, the rest of the picture is subdued. There’s also a gorgeous softness to the black-and-white images. Overheard on the TV as Gene pours: a woman cheerily saying “Well, from time to time, people make mistakes, that’s okay!”

There’s a bit of Breaking Bad-style handheld camera here, which stands out because it’s mostly absent from the rest of the show. In Gene’s living room we have the first appearance of glass block windows, about which blogger Marc Valdez wrote an excellent piece (Streamline Moderne and Jimmy McGill).

“No charge is too big for me!” says Saul, on the tape that Gene is watching in hiding with his blinds closed. :(

(In this episode, Jimmy’s personae are introduced in reverse chronological order: first Gene, then Saul Goodman, then James M. McGill Esquire, then Slippin’ Jimmy.)

It’s May 13, 2002, and the courtroom scene— beautifully paced, by the way— is one of the most distinctly Vince Gilligan scenes that ever Vince Gilliganed. The stenographer loudly slurping on her Big Gulp, the attorney using her legal pad to draw a shirtless man on a unicorn, the prosecutor silently wheeling in the TV in response to Jimmy’s argument, and most of all, the horrifying punchline.

When we first encounter Jimmy— as opposed to Gene or Saul— he’s pacing in the men’s room, muttering about how people shouldn’t be punished for whatever stupid things they did when they were young. Hmm. The three defendants sit there, chastened and nervous in ill-fitting ties, as Jimmy does an excellent job of talking around what it is they actually did. No one got hurt! It wasn’t trespassing, the business was open day and night! “I don’t think they deserve to have their bright futures ruined by a momentary, minute, never-to-be-repeated lapse in judgment,” he tells the jury.

I’m jumping ahead here, but where do you think Jimmy would have ended up if the whole Chicago sunroof incident never happened? I mean, he wouldn’t have gone to Albuquerque, he wouldn’t have become a lawyer… do you think he was happy just running small-time cons and smoking weed at age c. 30?

Anyway, as soon as we see the boys in the mortuary, let alone hear the sawing, we know the case is unwinnable. Jimmy collects his meagre paycheck and stalks out to his car. The show teases us a bit by putting a white pearlescent Cadillac front and centre in the frame before panning across to a battered 1998 Suzuki Esteem (aside: that car is awfully beat up for being only four years old). I love the car, by the way. The colour and the mismatched door are perfect.

The Kettlemans, who could have stepped straight out of an episode of Fargo (as Julie Ann Emery in fact did!), introduce the theme of denial of reality. They’re the innocent victims of a misunderstanding, you see. Craig’s business practices are “beyond reproach”. The missing money is a “discrepancy”. While Craig is amenable to hiring Jimmy, Betsy won’t have it; needing a lawyer would imply guilt, after all. Bob Odenkirk plays Jimmy’s barely-hidden desperation very well. He looks literally and figuratively hungry as Craig prepares to sign.

I want to take a moment to comment on Dave Porter’s score, which helps set Better Call Saul apart from Breaking Bad. The two scores are similar enough to provide continuity, but where Breaking Bad’s music is full of mechanical sounds, drones, saws and reverberations, the music of Better Call Saul has a much warmer timbre, more traditional instrumentation and a more naturalistic sound. (The best side-by-side comparison I can think of is “Dead Freight” versus “Border Crossing”— similar themes, similar rhythm and tempo, completely different feels.) The use of flute and harp stands out in particular— you’d never hear those instruments used in the same way in an episode of Breaking Bad.

One of this episode’s most effective individual beats is Cal coming out of nowhere and hitting Jimmy’s windshield, which manages to be startling even when you know it’s coming. It’s the distraction factor: preoccupy the audience with new information (Jimmy’s card was declined) and then fling a skateboarder into the frame. Jimmy, his windshield broken (can we call that a Breaking Bad reference?), limps home.

The lighting in Jimmy’s office is just gorgeous. This show unreasonably romanticises broke lawyers living in salon backrooms. We learn that Jimmy has a host of “past due” bills— wireless, Visa, library, Diner’s Club, phone— and then get a brilliant hook in the form of a check for $26,000 (dated May 9, 2002, for those of us tracking this stuff) that he promptly rips up, scowling.

Everything about the offices of Hamlin, Hamlin & McGill is so composed, right down to the five-note elevator chime. Blue and wood panelling predominate. I’ll have more to say about colours later on.

The boardroom scene is a beautiful piece of exposition, establishing characters and relationships bit by bit without spelling anything out. Chuck is someone close to Jimmy, and Hamlin, a senior partner at HHM, is giving Chuck money. He’s paying it into Jimmy’s account because Chuck isn’t capable of going to the bank, for some reason. Chuck helped build the firm, but he doesn’t work there any more and Jimmy thinks he never will again. Hamlin, on the other hand, believes Chuck can overcome his situation, and Jimmy dodges the question when asked whether Chuck really wants to be cashed out. The words “brother” and “illness” aren’t even used.

“If Chuck can call this an extended sabbatical, so can we”, Hamlin says— it’s not just Betsy Kettleman who’s engaging in a degree of denial (though the whole situation with Hamlin and Chuck’s illness becomes much more shaded and more complicated later on).

Let’s take another look at this incredible frame:

Kim and Jimmy share a cigarette. Seven words are spoken. Thus, their relationship is sketched out. See above re: exposition. We also see Kim literally clearing up after Jimmy after he takes his frustration out on the trash can, illustrating how they respectively deal with unfairness; he lashes out, she sets things straight.

Again in darkness, Jimmy arrives at Chuck’s house, stashes his phone and keys in the mailbox, and grounds himself on a piece of metal. (The air in Albuquerque is so dry that it’s very easy to build up a static charge. I was constantly getting zapped by door handles.) Chuck, noticing Jimmy’s discontent, instinctively asks him if he’s “in trouble”, which must sting.

Good Lord the lighting is beautiful.

Chuck does have a point about what would happen if he were to cash out of HHM. Jimmy doesn’t seem to see past the initial payout. What they’re really arguing about, beyond money, is whether or not Chuck is ever going to recover from his unspecified illness. The way his voice breaks on “I’m going to get better!” is rough. 

“Your friend Kim— a promising career, over and done with.” Not to read too much into this phrasing, but it sounds almost like Chuck thinks that if Kim lost her job at HHM it would be the end of her entire career. As if the firm is only keeping her there out of charity.

“But Jimmy, wouldn’t you rather build your own identity?” Oh, Chuck, if you only knew.

The next scene plunges us into sunlight. Jimmy has tracked down the skateboarders and we get a foundational piece of his backstory: he used to make money running slip-and-fall scams on the icy sidewalks of his hometown, and now he wants the boys to take a hit from Betsy Kettleman so that he can parachute into her good graces. Jimmy, apparently, has been observing Betsy closely enough that he knows where her kids go to school, what time she leaves to pick them up, and what route she takes. I mean, okay.

The hit-and-run happens at 7th Street and Tijeras Avenue, very close to the school where Jimmy & crew film the flag in season 2, and a short distance west of the courthouse district and the Civic Plaza. This whole sequence is such a glorious comedy of errors, and it showcases perfectly Jimmy’s ability to think on his feet. I mean, it’s also true that if he’d aborted the plan when “Betsy Kettleman” had driven off, he never would have ended up hog-tied in the desert pleading for his life, but those are unknown unknowns, I suppose.

“You felonied my brother!" is possibly one of my favourite lines of the season.

Who among us saw Tuco coming? None. None of us. I gasped. It was very considerate of the show to release the next episode immediately.

Miscellaneous

While most of the addresses shown on screen in BCS are fictionalised, the address shown on Jimmy’s mail—160 Juan Tabo Boulevard NE— is the actual IRL location of the nail salon.

Items in Gene’s shoebox: the videotape, an old Band-Aid container, various photos including one of a man standing in front of a 1940s-style car, and a photo packet from a film lab in Portland, Maine

Broken windshields: 2

New Mexico Statutes violated: 3— § 30-28-2, conspiracy to commit felony fraud (Jimmy, Cal and Lars); § 66-7-202, failing to stop after an accident causing damage to a vehicle (Mrs. Salamanca); § 30-3-2, aggravated assault (Tuco)

Timeframe: May 13 to May 25, 2002 (see next post)

Music

“Address Unknown” by the Ink Spots (1939), during the Cinnabon sequence

“Milestones” by Shook (2014), as the twins attempt to scam Betsy

References

Network: a 1976 film about a news anchor who begins ranting about the state of the world during a broadcast. The character whom Jimmy quotes (”You have meddled with the primal forces of nature...!”) is a man who berates the protagonist for speaking out against his network’s corporate owners. Bryan Cranston starred in the 2017 stage adaptation.

Peter Minuit: a Dutch trader who purchased the island of Manhattan from the Lenape people for a sum equalling about $1,000 in today’s money

“Ergo, a falsis principiis proficisci”: “therefore, you proceed from false principles"

Trichinosis: a parasitic disease most often spread via undercooked pork

Starlight Express: an Andrew Lloyd Webber rock musical performed on rollerskates 

> NEXT EPISODE: MIJO

[vivacesole]

Captured

Spencer Reid x Reader

Summary: You’re captured by the unsub of a case you’re working on. He allows you one five minute phone call before he plans to kill you. You spend those five minutes to your advantage, speaking to Spencer for what you think will be the last time.

Warnings: Kidnapping, mild torture, isolation, physical injuries, and a near death experience.

Word Count: 2053

Masterlist | Prompt List | Request

-

Of all your years, you never thought that it would have been you. You went through excessive training to prevent just this, you were always on high alert and could get out of any situation. So why was this time so different? How did you let yourself get captured by this unsub?

You raised your head, tortured by the fact that you couldn’t wipe the blood dripping on your forehead. Your hands bonded behind you, and your feet to the legs of the chair you were sitting in. It was dark in the room, a single hanging light was burning out. The room was empty. Just you and the light, and a locked door.

“What do you want?” you tried to yell out. But no answer. Just the chill from the vent that was above you.

-

Back at the BAU, there was a struggle for focus. Especially for Reid. His brain that was always moving at 100 mph, solving multiple problems at once, couldn’t spit out a single statistic. He stared at the map in front of him. Before you were taken he was able to create a geological profile, but now he couldn’t run with any information he had. 

“Reid.” Hotch stepped into the room that the local police station has set up for them.

“Did you find (Y/N)?” he perked up.

“No, not yet, but we may be close” he bowed his head. “but I need you out here with the rest of us. We need all hands on deck.”

“Hotch, I-I have no hands to give.” Reid whispered and fiddled with his fingers. “I don’t even know what to do with this profile, a-and I know this should motivate me to want to find this unsub faster but I can’t do it. I can’t think about anything except (Y/N) being okay.”

“Re-”

“Hotch, last time I tried working on a case I couldn’t focus on, Maeve got killed. I messed up.”

“This is a different profile Reid. We can learn from our past, but you can’t compare these cases okay? This is a slightly different situation. Do you understand? We may have something now, so we need you.” Hotch held the door open, knowing Reid would be coming with him. Spencer lifted himself up and trudged through the door to where the rest of the team was.

“Have you guys got anything else?” he asked.

“Well I think we’ve got our guy.” Morgan started.

“I cross referenced our starting profile with men who recently lost custody cases of their children, then narrowed it down to those who haven’t been paying child support.” Garcia spoke through the screen in front of them.

“Well what do you got?“ 

"I’ve got one Nicholas Fraiser. I’m sending you his address. It’s a large farm, with too much land for one person. I’m sending satellite images of the property, and I’m not seeing any other buildings than his house. If they’ve got (Y/N) there, there isn’t much above ground to search.”

“Alright thanks Garcia.” Hotch ended the call. “We’ll head out there now and search. Set up a perimeter and keep it secured.” Hotch ordered and the rest of the team followed him to the cars in a rush.

-

“Hey! Psycho!” you yelled out. After what seemed like an hour, you regained your strength and used your anger to your advantage. “What do you want with me?”

The door in front of you opened and you squinted to adjust to the bright light. The outline of a man walked through the door way and closed it behind him. 

“You messed me up Mary.” Fraiser said.

“I-I’m not.. Who are you?” you whispered. He knelt down next to you abruptly so you could see his face.

“You know perfectly well who I am Mary. Don’t act like you’ve forgotten, you can’t forget. I’m her goddamn father!” he yelled into your face. You noticed the gun in his hand, pointed at the ground. You noticed it was covered in dirt, in fact it was just dirt. The walls were wood, with dirt spilling through the cracks. You were underground.

“I’m not Mary.” you said sternly. You looked into his eyes, making sure you studied his face well to remember what he looked like.

“Shut up!” he stood and hit you across the face with the butt of the gun. “I’m not stupid.”

“No, no you’re not stupid.” your heart was racing, and you decided you might as well play along. “You were smart enough to kidnap me. To stay away from the feds all this time.”

“You’re damn right.”

“What do you need me for?” you asked cautiously.

“I don’t need you for nothin’.” he spit. “I want you to pay. I need you to pay. Samantha was everything to me. My only daughter, and you just had to rip her away from me. Cut me out of your life.”

“Look, it’s been years. She’s grown. Almost an adult.”  you cried out. “I didn’t want to, I promise.”

“It sure seemed like you did. And then what? You ran off with your boyfriend, leaving me behind and in the dark. How selfish could you have been?” he shook his head. “I need you out of the way.” he pulled out a phone from his pocket.

“What is that?” you whimpered.

“This is all you get, and then you’re gone. One call.” he stuck the phone in your lap and loosened one of your hands enough so you could hold the phone. “I got one call to Samantha before you took her away forever.”

-

Spencer had the route mapped out. Hotch was driving and JJ was in the front passenger seat. Hotch were booking it and eta was about in 7 minutes. Then Spencer’s phone rang.

“Reid.” he answered.

“Spence..” you breathed in relief. He sat up, stiff.

“(Y/N)? Oh my god. Are you okay?” JJ and Hotch looked at him through the rear view mirror. Hotch sped up immediately. 

“Tell Garcia to try and trace the line.” he whispered to JJ.

“Yes, yes I-I’m fine. He’s given me a phone call.”

“Like the rest of the victims.” he cut himself off. “I’m sorry..”

“No it’s okay, that’s exactly what I am. I messed up, my guard was down. I’m a victim.”

“No (Y/N) you were doing great. You-”

“Four minutes!” Fraiser called out.

“Hey Spence..” you whispered.

“(Y/N) can you tell me where you are?”

“No, he’s listening.” you whispered. “He wants his daughter Samantha. If she’s able, and y'all get here in time I think it’ll be good that she be here as a ruse to get him out and keep me safe.”

“Got it, Hotch, (Y/N) says we should have his daughter enroute to the site as well if able, can you pass that to Garcia?” you heard him faintly from the phone, “We think we’re headed to your destination we’re just under 5 minutes out do you think you can hold on?”

“Maybe, but Spence the reality is I could be dead in a matter of minutes. Please hurry. I’m sure y'all are on the right track” you whispered.

“Has Garcia got anything?” Hotch asked JJ. She nodded.

“We’re headed to the right area. She cant ping it, but it’s on the property. And the daughter is on the way with an officer." 

"Don’t- don’t say that. We’re gonna get you out of there.” Spencer paused. “(Y/N)?”

“Yeah Spence?”

“Why did you call me? Out of everybody, why me?”

“Cause even in situations like these you manage to calm me down. I needed to hear your voice Spencer Reid. I needed to tell you I love you." 

"Two minutes!”

“(Y/N)..” he paused. “You- I- we’re getting you out of there. That’s a promise.” he stuttered.

“Please Spence.” you were hopeless and doubted that they would have gotten there in time. “Ease my head.”

“I love you too.” he said breathily. 

“He’s going to take the phone soon.”

“We’re practically there, hold on (Y/N), we’re coming. Hotch step on it!” he yelled.

“Spence, I’m scared. I tried so hard, I was always ready to prevent this I- I don’t know what went wrong.”

“We all make mistakes-”

“Alright you’re done.” the unsub said and went to grab for the phone.

“Wait!” you called out. “Spence I’m underground!” the line went dead.

“Hotch, Fraiser has (Y/N) underground. How far out is the daughter?”

“They’re just behind us, not too far.”

“Hotch we gotta hurry or he’s gonna kill (Y/N).” he held onto the edge of his seat, ready to run as he watched the house grow closer. 

Hotch sped in and skidded to a stop in front of the house, backup units following his lead.

“Alright be on the lookout for a passage, basement, or storm shelter. We’ve gotten information that Fraiser is underground, and we should find Agent (L/N) there as well.” the officers nodded and ran off in a timely manner while the team went in to search the house.

“Hotch I got something!” Morgan called over the radio. “East end of the house I got a door leading downstairs.”

The team rushed to the location Morgan gave and made their way down in formation.

“Nicholas Fraiser FBI!” Hotch called out. They heard movement and a string of expletives. He now stood behind you holding the gun to your head.

“Nicholas it’s over, put the gun down.” Reid ordered. You looked back at the team in fear and relief. You had a chance. You caught Reid’s eye in the back of the group. His focus shifted from you to Fraiser, his gun raised and steady.

“She took my daughter from me.” he shook.

“No, Nicholas, she didn’t. She’s not Mary. I need you to put the gun down.” he said sternly. “She’s here.” Reid whispered to Hotch.

“Send her in.” Hotch ordered over the radio. It was the longest five seconds ever but she made her way down the stairs.

“Daddy?”

Fraiser shifted and blinked. Shifting his focus onto his daughter who was coming down the stairs.

“Samantha?” he whispered and then pointed his gun at the other agents.

“Daddy, I want to talk to you. But you need to put the gun down. They wont let us talk unless you put the gun down. Please.”

Morgan and Hotch began to move behind Fraiser waiting for his next move. You held your breath and kept your eyes on Spencer, even when he wasn’t looking at you, he kept you calm.

“Put it down Fraiser and let this be over with.” Morgan said. Slowly he started to back up. He threw the gun to the side and Hotch blocked Fraiser from the weapon while Morgan went to handcuff him. You let out a large breath and started crying.

“I’ve gotcha.” you heard Spencer as he started to untie your hands and feet. You stretched out your joints before using Spencer to help yourself get up and start walking. “I told you we’d be here on time.”

He got you to the medic that was waiting outside and sat you in the back. Your injuries weren’t too severe, gladly. They gave you a blanket and water while they worked to bandage your wounds.

“H-how are you feeling?” Reid asked.

“Better. I just really want to go home.” you avoided his eyes.

“That makes two of us.” he chuckled nervously. “I was so scared (Y/N), it was hard to not break down over the phone. Hotch had to force me back out onto the field. I couldn’t focus it-it was like-”

“Yeah.” you interrupted, knowing he didnt like talking about Maeve. “I know. I’m sorry I never should have told you.. what I told you. I wasn’t thinking. You’re probably-”

“Did you mean it?” he asked.

“What?”

“Did you mean it?”

“Yeah but-”

“So did I.” he sat next to you. “Don’t be sorry. I probably would have been too chicken to say it first.” he chuckled.

“Really?” you rested your head on his shoulder.

“I love you (Y/N). You should know that. On the other hand, I’ve known for a while.” he leaned into you. You smiled softly, ready for your plane ride home.

“I love you too Spence.” you chuckled. “Just sucks that it came to this for us to tell each other.”

[love-takes-work]

Keep Beach City Weird! Outline & Review

The Keep Beach City Weird! book is a little paperback full of Ronaldo's revelations. It's about what you'd expect, with the nuggets of truth that we may not recognize as truth until after the fact!

This volume is a keeper for any Steven Universe fan, but not much about it will be a surprise for anyone who's paid close attention to the show. It's fun, as usual, to watch Ronaldo loudly congratulate himself for uncovering THE TRUTH (you can "hear" his voice throughout, of course), and a bunch of the references are great fun to anyone who knows what he's referring to even if the context isn't spelled out.

Fans will also be treated to some new artwork! The picture of Ronaldo imagining himself in the hand of the Temple Fusion's animated form as a trusted sidekick is particularly interesting.

And since Ronaldo is one of those broken clocks that's right twice a day, fans who know his schtick can't help but wonder what conveniently hidden bits are actually Ronaldo straight-up telling us the future.

The book opens with an intro from Ronaldo Fryman, who declares himself as the weirdest thing in Beach City. (The Gems are a close second, he says.) He shares his frustration over not having been able to sell his book to mainstream publishers (which has led him to self-publish it), and warns you that ads for the family fry shop will be interspersed with the content because his dad helped fund it.

He then goes right into a "Monsters" section (decorated with art of him in his horror movie outfit and Peedee in a version of the Snerson costume).

The list includes Centipeetle, a Giant Bird, the Worm Monster, the Puffer Fish, "Giant Women from the Sea," the Watermelon Stevens, the Fusion Experiments, the Great North monsters, and the Crab Monster.

Most of these are not creatures he should have seen, and he shouldn't have pictures, but whatever, I digress. Ronaldo theorizes that the Centipeetles could be humans bitten by a radioactive centipede or centipedes bitten by a radioactive human. He discusses the story of William Dewey being saved by a giant woman whose image bears a resemblance to the Crystal Gems' temple, and then concludes, "Probably no connection." He mentions having seen Sugilite wreck the beach gym.

He brings up reports of the horrible Fusion Experiments and concludes they are zombies. He suggests the Great North monsters are a function of global warming and praises his own bravery in filming the Crab Monster for a documentary. And he also brings up his debunked "Sneeple" theory, which has been swapped for the Rock People theory. Those dang Rock People who want to kidnap Earth and bring it to the Mud Galaxy.

Ronaldo then goes into weirdness from space, detailing the Red Eye ("Vampire Spaceship"), the Rock People Space Program (based on Pearl's failed ship from "Space Race") the Plug Robonoids (which he thinks are an attempt to play space pinball), the Hand Ship (which he knew exactly what that was), the shirt that hit him in the head from "Shirt Club," and crop circles (like in "Joy Ride").

And then Ronaldo covers "Local Weirdness," starting with a double page about the Crystal Gems and then moving on to outline the Cat Fingers incident (with speculation on what causes "Cat Finger Fever"), the Frybo incident (was it all Ronaldo's fault for exploring tuber-based witchcraft?), the Oldest Man in the World incident (from "So Many Birthdays"), Lion sightings, Lars's fire breath, Guacola, and . . . Onion.

Next, Ronaldo gives you a tour of all the Weird Places, beginning with Funland Arcade (with a handy guide of moves you can use if you play "Teens of Rage"!), and taking you around to Race Mountain, the Abandoned Warehouse, Brooding Hill (with an included guide of things to brood about), the many-holed cliff (which he calls a Gnome City), and the Lighthouse.

And then, the "Times It Got Really Weird" section details the flowers from Rose's moss in "Lars and the Cool Kids" (did you know they were produced by cloud seeding?), the mountain of duplicated G.U.Y.S. from "Onion Trade," the disappearing ocean from "Mirror Gem" and "Ocean Gem," the blackout incident from "Political Power," Peridot's interrupting broadcast, the Great Diamond Authority, and Cluster Quakes.

And he closes everything with a "Weirdilogue" and encourages you to keep your own town weird.

Some gems:

"Like most bad stories, this one started at a farmer's market."

"I guess that's the danger of genetically engineered food: It might punch you in the face."

"Beach Citywalk Fries. We promise to NEVER bring out that Frybo costume again."

"What's scarier than a beach ball? Well, I guess a lot of things. . . ."

Ronaldo discussing an experience that was either food poisoning or accidentally eating deep-fried wood.

The Zombie Apocalypse Flow Chart which always leads to "Lock myself in lighthouse and prepare to watch the world I know crumble before me."

Ronaldo pointing out that the shirt that hit him in the head from an extraterrestrial source should be a size extra large next time, not youth medium.

"They have a cool home base in an ancient magical temple. My base is a lighthouse that I'm not legally allowed to occupy."

After an entire paragraph outlining how gross Guacola is, Ronaldo heartily encourages you to pick up a can of it while visiting Beach City.

"[M]y favorite – Teens of Rage. Probably because I am a teen who is full of rage at a world that doesn't know how to pronounce 'manga.'"

"Race Mountain, AKA the Devil's Backbone, AKA the Devil's Laundry Chute, AKA the Devil's Poorly Planned Highway, AKA Old Man Carwreck's Road, AKA Municipal Maintenance Route 64!!!!"

"I took a picture of it, which Lars really did not want published. Check it out."

Ronaldo speculates that maybe the moon has its own moon.

And here are the things I found notable for fans!

1. The book is dedicated "For Jane, My Ohimesama." I sure hope they're on speaking terms again after what happened in "Restaurant Wars."

2. Ronaldo gives the Crystal Gems his own names, referring to them as Square Head, Princess Nose, and Purple Girl.

3. When covering the fire breath incident from "Joking Victim," Ronaldo refers to Lars as "Local sarcasm dispenser Lars Barriga." This was the first place where Lars's last name was dropped.

4. The page about Onion's weirdness details an interaction that did not happen in the show but explains one that did: The ketchup packets that he famously ran over with his scooter in "Onion Trade" were begged from Ronaldo one day. Onion offered a photo of Ronaldo in third grade in exchange. (???)

5. Funland was apparently established over a century ago under the name Frederick Ulysses Neptune's Land of Mechanical Oddities and Entertainment. The entry also mentions that it contained a future-telling robot, a reference to "Future Boy Zoltron."

6. An apparent contradiction: Ronaldo, while discussing the video game Teens of Rage, identifies with the game because he is a teen who has rage. This would make him at the oldest nineteen if he is a teen. But in the section on the Lighthouse, he refers to the Beach City Explorer Club he had in his childhood with Lars, and claims that "fifteen years later" they had an incident there with the Lighthouse Gem. If it was fifteen years later but he's no older than nineteen, that happened when he was four, and that's impossible; he was far older than four in the flashback scene with Lars.

7. In a note to cover his butt from the Labor Department, Ronaldo suggests his brother is just a really short eighteen-year-old to distract from the fact that the family business is most likely exploiting him in child labor.

8. In his bit about "Teens of Rage," Ronaldo tells you about special moves for his favorite character, Gary Sunglasses. I think this is a contradiction to the episode "Arcade Mania" because while Steven is trying to teach Garnet how to play the game, he narrates that he thinks she's "a Joe Rock kinda gal," and the same character is pictured on the choosing screen.

9. Ronaldo refers to Stevonnie as "the mysterious Racer S." while discussing the greatest race he ever saw at Race Mountain. Not sure where he got "S." from, especially since he appears to have been in attendance at Stevonnie's first appearance at the rave in "Alone Together" and presumably witnessed their unfusion.

10. Other wrestlers besides those shown in the wrestling episodes are introduced in a promo flyer. We now have After School Champion Assistant Principal Gene McCormick, Culinary Tag Team Champions Baste Face and the Iron Saucier, Women's Caped Crusader Champion Tina "Ten Fingers" Gonzales, X-Treme League Champion Presented by Guacola The Ocean Town Kid, Interdimensional Champion of the Multiverse Glossy Wayne, and Old Timey Senior League Tag Team Champions Sarsparilla Frank and the Colonial Terror.

11. When talking about how to brood properly, Ronaldo refers to his hair as his "frylocks." Ha.

12. The lighthouse was apparently constructed two hundred years ago to keep people away from Beach City, not to help the ships be guided in. This might be one of the true things in the book. Who knows?

13. In "explaining" Peridot's broadcast that happened during "Cry For Help," Ronaldo comments that Peridot called herself Peridot, but that it is actually pronounced "Peridot." (It isn't discussed exactly what he means here, but he's surely making reference to the fact that the more common pronunciation of "peridot" does not have the T pronounced, even though the show uses the version where the T IS pronounced.)

14. Ronaldo, while explaining the Great Diamond Authority to us, assigns the Diamonds' underlings into a strict hierarchical society made up of the classes Chalk, Slate & Granite, Rock Candy, and Clods.

15. Ronaldo terms the earthquakes from the beginning of Season 3 to be "Cluster Quakes" because they came in clusters. Fans will know that they actually did come from a giant mutant Gem Fusion buried in the Earth which is called the Cluster.

The book has some new art that isn't just screencaps from the show, and it's a fun ride. I recommend it, and it's cheap!

[SU Book and Comic Reviews]

[elizas-writing]

How I Would Fix Steven Universe: Beginning the Fifth Season (1/2)

Jesus Christ on a cracker, this show can’t decide if it wants stakes.

So I put off seeing the episodes from Dewey Wins to Kevin Party mostly because I was swamped with school at the time and also because from what I could pick up from the rest of Tumblr, nothing much of interest happened that I needed to see them immediately. And boy, did I underestimate how absolutely pointless and annoying these episodes were. This is right up there with Lion 4 Alternate Ending as what I think are some of the worst episodes of the show. And of course it doesn’t help that this is coming off some major plot episodes which sadly were not as well polished as they should be. And then after these five, we have the Stranded special which felt like it was getting the plot going again but also introduced some confusing things.

So, let’s go back to the drawing board and fix up season five, shall we? I’m expecting this to be a bit of a long one, so let’s start off with The Trial arc.

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I’d change up the fight with Aquamarine and Topaz to include Lapis Lazuli and Peridot in the major climatic fight. Originally I considered cutting The Trial entirely and just ending the conflict right then and there, but after mulling it over, I think there’s still potential to explore if worked correctly. Just needs way less Steven guilt-tripping himself into taking responsibility for his mother’s actions. And I’d have Aquamarine and Topaz realizing who Steven is during the fight when they recognize his powers which only a Rose Quartz would have as well as Rose’s sword.

So, just when it seems Lapis and Peridot have the upper hand, Aquamarine and Topaz make a fast escape, but not without going empty-handed. Wouldn’t you know it? It happens to be Steven, clinging on to his loved ones for dear life before the beam taking him yanks him away, and the ship takes off on light speed to Homeworld.

I still really liked what they did with Topaz (because soft butches are everything), but let’s put her on the backburner for now and go right into The Trial. It more or less plays out the same, but I’ll cut Steven’s whole “I am my mom” bullshit since it wouldn’t apply after my fix it to Lion 4 Alternate Ending. However, knowing that the Diamonds can and will do anything to him, he’s still on guard and scared for his life, trying to think of some way out of this. Blue’s sniveling is dropped to reveal a furious dictator ready to exact her revenge. The actual “trial” is more of a cruel show for formalities with everything set up against Steven and capital punishment inevitable regardless of what the Zircons say. All the while, Steven is absorbing the Homeworld’s perspective on what happened to Pink, trying to think of a clever way out, especially since if he reveals too much from his mother’s latest video, it’s instant death. Perhaps he would only reveal so much to Blue Zircon which would lead her to her own conclusions, prompting immediate regret when she and the other Zircon are poofed by Yellow Diamond.

I couldn’t really get into the idea that one of the Diamonds might have shattered Pink instead, but after Jungle Moon, it was fascinating to see the imbalanced power dynamic of the Diamond Authority right from the get-go. I wouldn’t end up with one of the Diamonds killing Pink because it’s such a cop out on how much Rose’s gray morality was built up, but it wouldn’t surprise me if at least one of them intended to keep her out of the picture as long as possible, even if they didn’t anticipate her death. Just let her colonize a planet and take out her wrath as long as she needs until there is something of use which definitely explain some of the odd circumstances around her shattering and why they didn’t see a rebellion coming.

Anyway, after the Zircons are poofed, Steven rushes for their gems as fast as he can before fighting off the Diamonds and making his escape. He has no idea where he is or where to go; just run like hell. We’d meet the Off Colors, give them way more personality, and dive more into Homeworld’s obsession with perfection. Perhaps the Rutile twins are out of sync with each other and constantly struggle to work together. Padparadscha feels self-conscious on her delayed predictions (”Oh no, did I miss it again?”), but they come of use when learning of Steven, and she can possibly dive further back into the past. We’d explore more of Fluorite and Rhodonite and fusions, and a quick dive into how Garnet’s fusion affected the rest of Homeworld. All the while Steven knows he can’t leave them to suffer any longer under the Diamonds. It takes some persuasion, but they eventually start concocting a plan to escape Homeworld.

This part would be a massive rearrangement of episode placement as the gap between Lars’ Head and Lars of the Stars really disrupts the pacing. And as fun as the Stranded special was, it felt like way too much happened off screen which would have been so much better to see than Steven being an obvious fuck up.

Moving on, the Zircons reform and are of course panicked on where the hell they are and what the consequences will be of Steven running away. Steven is only able to persuade Blue Zircon to come while Yellow Zircon stays behind, still believing she won her case and surely her Diamond would be merciful on her colleague’s ridiculous analysis. Knowing time is short and he can’t force everyone to change, the new team hurries off through the chasms of Homeworld to find an escape route. They come across Emerald’s ship which docked after a recent planet acquisition. It’s the biggest one they can find which can fit them all and take them to Earth. But just as they’re about to come up with a plan, Topaz finds them and is ready to alert other guards until she sees Rhodonite and Fluorite and wonders what in the hell these fusions are doing. She takes it upon herself to rid of such imperfect fusions, but something inside her knows what their love is and how it reflects her internalized feelings about fusion, prompting her to break down. Rhodonite and Fluorite consolidate Topaz with promises that maybe she can have a more free life on Earth.

But just as Topaz joins, the team is ambushed by guards led by Aquamarine. Few of the Off Colors have experience in combat, and are, of course, scared shitless. Then, Fluorite breaks down to her six individual gems (I could not even begin to tell you who they would be, cause I haven’t thought that far into fan theories) who fight off the guards and Aquamarine, giving the rest enough time to get on the ship and prepare for take off. Insert a fun action scene with Steven working off new gems, Topaz taking a stand and poofing Aquamarine (cause god damn, is she annoying), and a rush onto the ship with a course set for Earth.

The next episode will be in a similar vein of Lars of the Stars with just pure space battle action against the intimidating Emerald. Padparadscha keeps up on planets and systems they just pass, the Rutile twins focus on working together, Fluorite’s components are making sure the ship runs, etc etc. It’s just grand teamwork of these gems’ first instance of rebellion and running like hell from authority.

I’d also keep in the episode Jungle Moon, but the whole team crashes (because shit happens when a recently docked ship wasn’t given updates... and gas). And they spend a couple days surviving in the wild of an abandoned Homeworld colony and fixing up the ship. More questions burn from Steven which the rest o the gems are happy to oblige, especially as his dreams get weirder and he sees the seeds which would create a tyrannical Pink Diamond. Why Earth? Why a Human Zoo? How many more planets were wasted away for space colonization? In return, Steven tells the Off Colors and Homeworld gems as much as he can about Earth and the Crystal Gems. The homesickness starts kicking in and dammit, he just wants to be home because he misses everyone.

Once the ship is repaired, the team is back on course for Earth but not without Emerald back on their tail, resulting them being forced to light speed away and crash yet again. But this time they finally made their destination: Earth. As fate would have it, the Crystal Gems are on the scene thanks to Garnet’s future vision, leading up to a tearful reunion.

And the rest is to be continued in part two!

[astudyinsarcasm9]

My thoughts on the new SU episodes. Spoilers Ahead!

I finally managed to see the new six episodes of Steven Universe and overall my impression is somewhere between “Hmm…interesting” and “Eh…ok”.

Why I am saying this? Well, because there were episodes which were kinda good and episodes which seemed mostly pointless. Let me elaborate. 

Dewey Wins

The first kind of pointless episode. The moral of this episode felt very forced. The story of Mayor Dewey losing, or, er, giving up being Mayor is supposed to paralel the story of Connie and Steven falling apart and not talking. Or rather, what Dewey feels is supposed to mirror how Connie feels. I don’t know, but I felt it coming from a mile away. Though I must say I liked seeing Dewey acting differently than his usual self and Nanafua was amazing as usual. 

Also, character development for Dewey is good, so there’s that.

Raising the barn

I REALLY disliked this episode because of Lapis. I thought she was inconsiderate and selfish. She only cared about herself, she didn’t want herself to go through another war but didn’t ask Peridot if she wanted to leave Earth, she just assumed she would. If they are such good friends, Lapis should have already picked up on the fact that Peridot likes it on Earth and wouldn’t leave. And what makes it worse is that, after Peridot tells her just that she up and leaves anyway but she takes the barn as well. 

First off, the barn was Peridot’s home and Peridot shared everything with Lapis and Lapis just takes it away and leaves her “friend” without a home. 

The only character development we got was from Peridot who finally got her pre-redemption arc personality back. Also, on a side note, we kinda also got an explanation for why she was so different personality-wise after her redemption. From my understanding, Peridot was living a very scripted life. She basically followed orders, did not form a single thought that was hers alone and she was merely just another face in the crowd. She did her job and that was that. But then, as Peridot adjusted to Earth and made friends her REAL personality shined through. She curious, she’s hyper, she’s smart, she likes gardening and tv shows and art, things she didn’t know she likes. 

Having said this, I’m glad to see the old Peridot back and I think that between the cold and calculated Peridot and the hyper and chatty there Peridot could be a middle ground of sorts. 

As for Lapis, she just went back to her old ways. Basically, her staying on Earth was pointless because a) Her feelings weren’t addressed. No one talked to her about her obvious PTSD, no one took the time to really get to her. 

b) She made friends with Peridot but even that was pointless. Lapis didn’t change her point of view. She just remained a static character that the writers probably had no idea what to do with. 

Gemcation

This was a rather cute episode, albeit a tad useless. The only things we only got from it were a silhouette of Pink Diamond and a hint that Pearl may be physically incapable to tell Steven anything about her past. Which, to be fair, is a really awful excuse to just delay plot related information. I mean, if the writers really wanted to go this route they should have hinted at it a bit earlier than SEASON 5 when we are already starved for information and when we don’t exactly care because we waited so much time for someone to tell us anything about Homeworld, The War, Rose etc. 

I think Steven desperately awaiting a message from Connie was dragged a bit too much but all in all it was an ok episode. The humour was on point though. We need to see Party Guy. 

Back to the kindergarten

This was a really nice episode. The colors were nice, the characters were in character and it had an all around nice feel around it, albeit a tad bittersweet. I like that Steven and Amethyst took Peridot on a trip to make her feel better. They even told her she can be a smartass and tell them when they are wrong if it makes her happy. 

If anything these two are better friends than Lapis. 

This episode reminds me of the good old days of SU. Peridot wasn’t obnoxiously loud this time. She was just herself, genuine and honest. 

Sadie Killer

This is one of the pointless episode I was talking about in the beginning. I mean, sure, it showed us the inner struggle of Sadie, and that was good and all but did it warrant an entire episode? Also, Sadie kind of rushed in her decision to quit her job. Her job does suck and it is physically impossible to work alone at a shop and not crash and burn at one point, but what is she supposed to do now? She is living in a ridiculously small town so her prospects are limited. She did illustrate how most young adults feel nowadays so points for that. The only good thing is that this episode, along with Dewey Wins, which is also pointless, is that it upsets the status quo of the show. Dewey and Sadie are now jobless and even though there are bigger things at play here it does matter that, little by little the status quo is crumbling. One could argue Lapis leaving is crumbling the status quo, and, one one hand yes because now Peridot has to live in Steven’s bathroom but, on the other hand, it just reverted back to when Lapis was away the first time. 

Kevin Party

This episode was weird. They could have made Steven and Connie make up in so many ways yet they chose this very VERY forced plot where Kevin invites them both to a party just to form Stevonnie. 

To be fair, from Kevin’s perspective it makes total sense. He stays in character. But why have them have a forced and rushed reconciliation after we’ve had to sit through 5 episodes of Steven mopping around and being sad. The payoff should have been bigger. 

Connie said she wanted to talk to him and went to his home for that but when she didn’t find him there she got invited to Kevin’s party where Steven was also supposed to be. That’s ok BUT who on Earth makes up at a party of all places? Especially since they didn’t argue over petty stupid things, they had a serious motive for all of this.

Anyway, Connie’s haircut was cute but from Stevennoie’s look in Lars of the Stars I bet she doesn’t get to keep the haircut. 

Afterthoughts:

- Lars’s fate. It was treated so…lightheartedly. Steven is not at all fazed by the fact that he literally brought someone back from the dead. Like, he should have asked the gems how the hell he is able to do that and if Rose could do it. 

- I kinda see why Connie was upset with Steven. Anyone would be, but when you factor in that Steven’s only choices were: a) Deny to go with Topaz and Aquamarine and potentially kill everyone around or b) go with them and see what he can do from then on. We have to remember that Topaz and Aquamarine were new gems and no one knew what they were capable of not even our gems so of course Steven did not want to put Connie in harm’s way by fusing with her and battle them. Who would do that? Connie has a right to be mad at him but she also has to understand that, from the little power they displayed while on Earth, Aquamarine and Topaz were insanely powerful so Steven just chose what he thought was the safest route, give himself up and improvise from there. Maybe he and Connie could have taken on Topaz, but Aquamarine? Not so sure. 

- GO ON WITH THE PLOT ALREADY! Thank you. 

- The pace of this show is awful.