#that made me realise that the 2 events are even more similar than i thought

[jjmej]

i just realised something. the whole oceangate thing mirrors the titanic in more than just the obvious ways.

in the titanic, they prioritised saving the rich people, the ones from first class. because of that, most of the people who died were poor, from second and third class.

now, my point is, we once again, ignored the poor people/prioritised the rich ones, this time with the refugee ship being almost complete ignored by the media and rescue teams exclusively trying to save the 5 rich guys instead of the 750 refugees.

[kerizaret]

Hello everyone and welcome once again to my brain! Today I want to ramble a bit about

✨️ Tsukasa and Rakunosuke (Emu's grandpa) parallels ✨️

Because I feel like we don't talk about them much. Or at all actually

Now, I'm not pulling this out of nowhere. It's quite literally stated at least once, outright, in the game, that Tsukasa is really similar to Emu's grandpa (or even twice – but the other time I'm unsure 100% whether its about Tsukasa specifically, which I'll get to later). That's not to mention the other little things throughout the stories that I think similar between the two

So here's just some thoughts I've had on the topic after rewatching some events, more or less cohesive

1) Tsukasa's PXL auditon & WMS speech

Starting at the very beginning, we've known ever since the wxs main story that there's something in Tsukasa that has drawn Emu in to him already the first time she's ever saw him, at his audition for PXL, which made her hire him herself. She says "found you" at that moment, as if she's been searching for someone exactly like him. Out of all the possible candidates who applied who she might've seen, why Tsukasa specifically?

It could be just about him boasting about making fantastic shows, which of course is a part of it. But I feel like this isn't all, that there was something else that she noticed, that maybe she didn't fully realise at that moment

Then later, in Wonder Magical Showtime, after Tsukasa's motivational speech, Emu specifically thinks back to that audition and how she felt something special there. And, most importantly, she thinks it as if she's talking to her grandpa – like he's somehow tied to it, to her realisation that Tsukasa is the one

Putting aside the fact they were fighting for Rakunosuke's park, which obviously makes Emu think back to him, there's something more. Emu doesn't think anything of the sort about Rui, even though he was the one who came up with the night show, or about Nene. Nor did she mention any kind of this strong feeling/conviction about having them on the Wonder Stage in the main story

She's focused on Tsukasa, because he's the one that brought all these people together and gave them the last push they needed to fight for PXL. He's the one they listen to, he who understands what this park was all about and why they need to save it. He's standing on the stage her grandpa built, looking at all those people working here, and he's leading them, telling them this dream CAN be made a reality and it's more important than anything else

And I feel like she could have looked at that and been reminded of her grandpa a bit, with how much he loved the park he built and brought people together with the same ideals and love and made dreams come true

2) Miles

Speaking of WMS, I'm sure we all remember Miles, the sorcerer Tsukasa played in the night show in WMS, and how he was a character very clearly based on Rakunosuke. It's not very surprising it's Tsks who got this role, but it's still interesting to me. It feels like no-one else would've been able to get this character right and neither would Emu as Shao with someone else playing Miles

I won't get into what "Miles" Tsukasa says in the play, because that's just the script and not a representation of Tsukasa himself, but I do want to draw attention to the specific scene where Emu's father is watching the night show and looks at Tsukasa, then says this:

This is the first time that – i suspect – Tsukasa is outright "stated" to be like Rakunosuke. Here I say "suspected" since I'm not 100% sure of it for two reasons. One of them being that as we know, the ensekai translation is sometimes often bad. For that I looked up the original text as well as an old translation of the event on YT to check for differences

The line ends up being similar in meaning, more or less, but a bit more vague. That also ties to my second doubt though, which is that Emu's father might be referring not to Tsukasa himself, per se, but rather to the character of Miles he's playing

I feel like both can make sense, in their own way (and the event is a Tsukasa focus for a reason, too), but for here I'm throwing it more as a hint than any kind of outright proof. Food for thought

3) Tsukasa and Rakunosuke's deams

Then, as we reach Popping in my Heart! and learn more of Rakunosuke from Riley's pov, there's another interesting thing that pops up. That is, the fact that Tsukasa and Rakunosuke share the same dream

And then, that's when Emu confirms what I've talked about before – that this whole time, she's felt something about Tsukasa being so reminding of her Grandpa

So Tsukasa has all this time "carried the same spirit" as Rakunosuke – which is possibly the reason why Emu has been feeling strangely drawn to him from the beginning

4) The Wonderland SEKAI

Hey. Hey. Remember this line?

(tl by tsukasa's #3 fan on YT)

Yeah, this one. The same reason why wxs even has "Wonderlands" in their troupe name

You know what else has Wonderland in its name?

That's right! Tsukasa's SEKAI!

Tsukasa's SEKAI. A different world that's created from his feelings, that's a place born from his desire to make everyone smile with his shows. A world that just recently expanded to include plushies representing all those different shows – different worlds – wxs created as a troupe. It's a world that Tsukasa, in a way, made by himself (albeit unconsciously)

Oh did I mention the Wonderland SEKAI is also, primarily, pre-wl, a theme park? With a big ass ferris wheel and several stages and a castle and a train and a merry-go-round, a rollercoaster and more? You know, kind of just like Phoenix Wonderland? Which was built by Emu's grandpa?

Do you ever think about that? That both Tsukasa and Rakunosuke "made" their own "Wonderlands"? That the SEKAI is so similar to PXL? Because I do

Anyway. Those were the main similarities or references I noticed, but I still have some few other miscellaneous thoughts i had aside from that that I'll sum up a bit quicker

Tsukasa and Emu's grandpa both care more about the shows (& pxl) themselves and the effect they have on people to make them smile than any kind of fame or recognition

A reminder, too, that despite the movie's popularity, nobody really knew that Rakunosuke worked on "Smiley" (or that it was even a Riley Entertainment movie at all)

There's also the fact that both tsks and rknsk get stuck more on the excitement they want their audiences to feel rather than on the technical sides or worries about how it would be possible – as seen with Rakunosuke convincing Riley to include all his dreams and ideas in "Smiley" without focusing as much on the budget and all to install that wonder in the viewers, and Tsukasa doing anything to perfect his acting, and also agreeing to most of Rui's stunts and experiments and production ideas as long as it gets the audience to become more immersed

I noticed as well that they're both people who wear their hearts on their sleeves, who easily get emotional and enthusiastic, who empathise a lot with the others' emotions and struggles, becoming happy when something good happens to them

^ he cried here. And later at the fan festa seeing nene sing confidently and happily he teared up again

And also just *gestures vaguely at pandemonium event and Rui's "tsukasa's friends' happiness is his own happiness" line*. Yeah

Most importantly, Tsks and Rknsk both care so, so much about shows ending with smiles and not tears

And overall about everyone smiling and being happy. Like Tsukasa telling Emu in the main story, on the ferris wheel, that when her grandpa meant making EVERYONE smile, it included Emu, too, and he wanted to make sure she's happy as well

There's also everything with Emu, too. The way she's very clingy with Tsukasa, always throwing herself at him (not that she isn't with everyone, but she does seem to jump at him the most often)

She's also implied to open up a bit more around him – in Smile of a Dreamer, when wxs expressed their worries about emu hiding her problems, KAITO implies that its unusual she "hasn't told EVEN Tsukasa"

And it's Tsukasa who first understood that, despite how it may seem that "she always is so optimistic and says whatever's on her mind", in the end "the bigger the problem, the less likely she is to talk" (paraphrased quotes from smile of a dreamer). And also underdstood what's the most important to her and how to give her a push to voice her worries to them

It's Tsukasa who Emu first got so scared of leaving their troupe and her behind

I simply feel like Emu is aware of the similarities her grandpa and Tsukasa share and, subconsciously, trusts him a lot and gets attached to him easily

Anyway. This is just a bunch of thoughts that came to mind that I wanted to share and hear your thoughts on maybe too. I love emukasa so much they have such a great dynamic, and I feel the implied similarities between Rakunosuke and Tsukasa add a lot to that too. I'm really curious if it'll be something they'll explore more in future events. Because I feel these parallels are there for some reason

[happilyhertale]

Long Lost Love - Aemond Targaryen x female!reader, Part 15

Summary: You are the daughter of Daemon and Rhaenyra. When the invitation to Aegon and Helaena's wedding came, your entire family rushes from Dragonstone to King's Landing to take part in the festivities. You haven't seen your family in King's Landing for 6 years so you are very excited...

Pairing: Aemond Targaryen x fem!reader

Warnings: At the beginning none – eventually smut (uncle/niece)

Author’s note: Hello you! (:

This is my first fic so please be nice (: I thought I'd just try a little self-considered story. I hope u like it.

The events are not entirely similar from the series.

English is my second language, please forgive me if I made any mistakes (:

Word count: 4.7k

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7a, Part 7b, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14

"Second part" of this story - Long Last Love

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

The whole way back you are nervous, you can't read in your book, you just look dreamily out of the window.

Again, you are in the carriage with your family, but you don't dare talk to your father about your desire to get married when everyone else is there.

When you arrive back at the red keep, your father is taken away by a servant because someone wants to talk to him.

You look after him, somehow glad that you can't talk to him just yet, as nervousness slowly creeps up on you.

You see Aemond getting out of his carriage. He is now standing with Aegon and Helaena at the other end of the courtyard, smiling at you. You have to smile too and slowly make your way to your chambers.

Your footsteps echo through the air in your chambers. Nervousness has now hit you full force. Never before have you thought so carefully about this moment, but never before has a man also been so close to you that you wished you could marry him. But yet you also never thought this moment would make you so nervous. You're almost more nervous than you were last night.... You bury your face in your hands and sigh.

But that's what you want. You've never been so sure of anything. You want to be Aemond's wife. You want to stand by his side, support him in everything as well as be there for him when he should need you. Likewise, you are sure that he will always be there for you and stand by your side no matter what decisions you should make.

You love him.

You take another deep breath and go in search of your father.

Aemond walks down the corridor to his parents' chambers. When he stands in front of their door, he takes a deep breath. He notices that his hands are a little sweaty as he knocks on the door and opens it after hearing the prompt.

His father, King Viserys is sitting in a chair, his mother, Queen Alicent is standing next to him.

"Aemond, my son, what a lovely surprise", Aemond nods to his father. Alicent gasps a little in shock when she sees Aemond's face, "Aemond??? What happened to your nose???", she steps towards him.

Aemond shakes his head slightly, "Nothing mother. Don't worry about it." She looks at him worriedly and Viserys raises his eyebrows too.

"Are we at war with House Stark now?", Aemond looks at his father. He is a little surprised that his father has noticed these tensions.

"No father, everything is fine. I came to see you about another matter."

Viserys nods at him.

"I have a request, father." Aemond stops.

Viserys looks at him curiously. "Father, I have never asked for much.... But, though I never thought I would come to you for this matter.... I want to get wed."

Viserys has to smile slightly

"I wish to ask for Y/N's hand in marriage"

Viserys has to chuckle. Alicent, standing next to Viserys again, reaches for his arm.

Aemond looks unflinchingly into Viserys' face, "You know, I'm not in a position to make decisions like that for Y/N. Already some time ago I had many discussions with Daemon about it and even I had to realise at some point that Y/N will decide it herself whom she weds."

Aemond nods knowingly, "I know father. She is with Daemon right now to talk to him."

He takes a short breath, "Father.... I... I love her." Aemond looks to the side. It is difficult for him to express his feelings to other people. Even if they are his parents, that doesn't make it easier for him.

Alicent takes a sharp breath.

Viserys smiles, "Love?"

"Yes! Father... I love her! I cannot and will not wed any other woman. It is her or I will never wed."

Viserys is pleasantly surprised that his son is able to harbour such feelings for someone. He always thought Aemond would never wed and live his life for his family. He is somehow reassured that this is not the case.

Viserys nods thoughtfully, "I will have to discuss this with Daemon and clarify how Y/N feels about it before I agree to any engagement."

Aemond can't suppress a smile, but quickly catches himself. He nods to his father and mother and leaves.

When Aemond has left his parents' chambers, Alicent turns to Viserys, "Viserys, she has him in her hand! He's fallen for her!"

Viserys looks at her, "Doesn't every woman have her man wrapped around her finger in some way?"

"No. Not in that way. He's practically fallen for her. Look at him, how beat up he is! Before, he would never have put up a fight.... Not for a woman. It's below his level!"

Viserys has to chuckle, "Alicent. Please. That's the normal behaviour of young men who are courting a woman. I, even Daemon were no different. And I am, frankly, relieved that he is behaving like this."

Alicent raises her eyebrows.

"Furthermore, I think it's good for him. To be close to a person who is not part of his close family. He deserves that. I'm sure it's not bad either if there's one person in this world who could really hold Aemond back, isn't it?"

Alicent nods absently.

"Besides, it just looked to me like he was pretty much in love. Isn't it nice if we could have a wedding that's done for love and not for political reasons..." Viserys sighs, Alicent looks at him worriedly, but tries to smile.

Alicent is worried. She had always expected to be able to wed Aemond at some point, to link powerful houses together. She doesn't hate you, not by any means. But the fact that he's not marrying for political reasons, but for love.... That someone has such a strong influence on him, that worries her.

You are looking for your father. He was not to be found at the usual places, but you find him at the training ground. He is watching the guard train.

You stand next to him and smile up at him, he looks at you with a raised eyebrow, "Well, what do you want?"

You pull him aside and he looks a little irritated as it gushes out of you, "Daddy.... I want to get wed."

Now he looks at you with interest, "Is that so?"

You nod, "Yes. I... I want to get wed to Aemond. I love him."

He has to chuckle, "You love him?"

Again you nod.

"Do you even know what love is?"

Your eyebrows draw together, "Yes. I very much do. What I feel for Aemond.... I couldn't feel for anyone else. When he's not.. with me, it hurts in my chest. But when he's near me and looking at me... my chest tightens so much that it's hard to breathe.... That's my definition of love" Nervously you look at your fingers as you press them against each other.

Daemon has to suppress a smile, "Do you think he's the one for you then?"

You look up at him, "Dad, I wouldn't be here if I wasn't absolutely sure."

He sighs, "What can I say.... It's not like it's unexpected. And I can't talk you out of it anyway.."

You smile.

"I'll go and talk to Viserys."

Now you have to grin and you hug him, "Thank you Daddy..."

He holds you tight and kisses you above the ear.

In the castle, you go through the halls and try to find Aemond. You haven't seen him since you arrived, but you guess that he must be somewhere in the castle, if he has been talking to Viserys.

And you find him, just walking through a hall. He stops when he notices you. His hands clasped behind his back, he smiles at you as you approach him.

Startled, he takes a step back when you fall around his neck, but you can't help it. After a short while he gives in and puts his arms around you. He buries his face in the crook of your neck and enjoys your warmth.

"I may wed you", you whisper in his ear. He holds you tighter against his body in response. You break away from the embrace and look up at him, smiling. He gently caresses your face and you can't help but lean towards him and kiss him softly.

A chuckle fills the hall when you interrupt the kiss. You remain close to each other for a moment and let your noses gently caress each other. You relish this moment and just smile.

Daemon, who is on his way to Viserys, sees you from across the hall and he can't help but smile briefly. When Daemon enters Visery's chambers, Alicent is no longer present.

Daemon nods to Viserys.

"Brother, I heard that our children want to get wed", Viserys looks at Daemon, slightly amused.

"Yes, I think so too. Y/N has just been to see me and expressed her wish to me"

Viserys nods slowly, "What do you think?"

Daemon considers for a moment, "Well, she gets to decide for herself. I don't have to think much of it. I don't know if I would have made the same decision for her. But still, I think she could have made a worse decision."

Viserys looks at him, " Then I don't think we need to talk about this matter any further. I will not stand in the way of this engagement. But are you talking to Rhaenyra? I would like to announce it tonight at the ball." Daemon nods in agreement.

"And brother... I'm glad... that our children are getting betrothed and that our families are getting closer again" Viserys smiles at Daemon. Daemon smiles back slightly and leaves Viserys' chambers.

Your parents have summoned you to their chambers. When you enter the chambers, you see them. Daemon has already informed Rhaenyra of your wish. Your mother turns her gaze on you as you enter the chambers, "My girl".

You smile. She steps towards you and gently caresses your cheek, "Do you really want to wed him? Are you sure about that?".

You nod, "Yes mother.... I love him"

She tries to smile, "Is he good to you?" She almost whispers.

You smile, "Mother... no one has ever been or would ever be better to me".

She nods at you and hugs you. You hear her sobbing softly and you bury your face in her neck.

From the back of the chambers you hear your father, "I guess your time at Dragonstone is over then?"

Now you look at him, startled.

"Well, your betrothed will be here in Kings Landing, and how long do you think it will take for you to get wed..."

Your gaze wanders to your mother.

Yes, you never want to leave Aemond again, but somehow you haven't considered that you'll have to leave your family to do so.

Rhaenyra squeezes you, "Shhh, my little girl, it will be good. We'll have your things brought here. You're coming to visit us, to get Meraxes. And we are coming to visit you. It's okay."

You nod, your face now buried in her shoulder.

Daemon is standing with you now, gently stroking your back, "It will be announced tonight."

You look at him, tears welling up in your eyes. He strokes your cheek, "You do not need to be afraid. You will always be my little dragon.... And if anything happens, I'll come and get you."

You have to laugh for a moment.

"And besides, now I will finally have my peace from potential suitors for your hand in marriage.“

"Thank you, Daddy..." you say, half-seriously.

At the end of the day you sit in the great hall at the main table. Your place is no longer at the side of your family, but at Aemond's, you sit to his right.

His hand gently rests on your thigh and you softly caress his hand. The Lords and Ladies are all gathered in the hall by now. Many have already started drinking and the noise level in the hall is correspondingly high.

As King Viserys rises, the hall quickly quiets down.

"My dear Lords and Ladies. We now gather for our last evening together to celebrate the upcoming wedding tomorrow. But I would also like to use this evening to announce another betrothal. My son, Prince Aemond Targaryen, will wed my granddaughter, Princess Y/N Targaryen."

A slight murmur followed by the clapping of the Lords and Ladies fills the hall.

Aemond takes your hand and kisses the inside of your wrist. You look into each other's eyes and smile at each other.

"I am especially pleased to announce this betrothal as it is a special one. It is not one that was made for political reasons, but for love. And, in my personal opinion, we have too few marriages based on love. We should put more effort into making marriages for love. After all, such a marriage can endure any kind of difficulties."

Viserys turns to you and smiles. You smile at your grandfather.

"So tonight we drink to Aegon and Helaena and our new betrothed couple, Aemond and Y/N."

The evening passes quietly, you sit by Aemond's side and you eat and drink. At some point you decide to get up. Aemond doesn't leave your side for a second. It seems like he is pushing his luck, his hand is constantly on your lower back. Every now and then he grabs your hip a little tighter, but still gently. He also whispers sweet, but sometimes naughty things in your ear. You blush at some of his statements. You relish the closeness to Aemond and wish that chaos wouldn't break out if you kissed him now.

For a moment you see Alys sitting at a table, looking at you with hatred. Her cheek glows in bright colors. You are a little proud of yourself and glad that Daemon taught you how to hit properly.

You turn away from her, more into Aemond's embrace and put your hand on his chest. He looks deep into your eyes and smiles.

When suddenly Rob approaches you.

"Princess Y/N, Prince Aemond."

You turn to Rob and smile. Aemond whispers in your ear, "I'll leave you two alone".

You nod. Rob and Aemond look at each other briefly and nod, barely noticeable.

"So you're engaged now..."

"Yes..."

He smiles at you.

"Rob..." he interrupts you, "No, it's okay. Really. I can see how you feel about each other." He strokes your hand briefly and you smile.

"And let's face it, how happy would you have been up north?"

You laugh, "But you wanted to light fires for me everywhere."

Now he has to laugh, "Yes, I would have done that".

He smiles at you.

"Although Aemond doesn't really seem very communicative to me..."

"I guess that depends on who he has the pleasure of communicating with...", you interrupt him.

Rob chuckles.

"Yeah perhaps... But I can't deny it, I did enjoy teasing him."

Now you both laugh.

"But if you're ever unhappy, or want to escape the Targaryen madness.... The North is always open to you." he almost whispered the end.

You smile at him, "And I will never forget that."

Rob wraps you in a warm embrace. Suddenly Jace steps towards you. You notice that he is a little drunk. Without saying anything, he leads you away. Rob looks after you, a little startled.

Jace leads you out into the corridor.

"Jace, what's going on?"

"You can't take his side!"

You look at him irritated, "Whose side?"

He gives you a nasty look.

"Jace, I'm not taking sides at all! You're putting me on a side!"

Jace snorts, "You don't belong on his side. You belong with us."

You shake your head slightly, "Why do you hate him so much?"

"Because he's dangerous Y/N!"

You give a short laugh, "Ha, you're crazy Jace!"

"I can't let you run to your doom."

"What doom, pray?", you cross your arms in front of your chest.

Jace turns away for a moment, "How can Daemon let that happen?"

"Perhaps because he takes me seriously and respects my feelings."

Jace turns back to you, "What... You have feelings for him...?"

You nod at him. "He knows that... That's why he trusts me"

Jace shakes his head, "No I won't, I can't let that happen."

Now you're getting angry, "There's nothing you can do about it Jace!"

In the distance you see Aemond standing cautiously in the entrance to the hall. Ready to intervene at any time.

"I am the heir to the Throne! I can stop this!"

"After our mother! This matter is really none of your business!"

He sighs and takes a step towards you. He takes your hands in his, he is speechless.

"Y/N... I don't want to argue with that one.... But Aemond... as your husband..."

"Jace... Please trust me. I don't want to wed another man, I love Aemond."

He looks at you.

"...I don't want Rob either."

He has to laugh for a second, "But that would be a lot funnier"

You have to laugh for a moment too.

You hug each other

"Jace? You will always have a place in my heart.... But I love him..."

Jace sighs, but holds you tighter, "You know, I'm going to miss you." You just nod.

Shortly after, you'll be in Aemond's chambers. You have managed to sneak into his chambers.

You enjoy the peace and quiet in his bed. His arms are wrapped around you while he hugs you from behind. He caresses you continuously and leaves little kisses on your neck.

"I'm sorry you had a fight with Jace..." he murmurs into your neck.

You look over your shoulder, you smile slightly and then shake your head briefly, "That's okay.... He's just worried. That you're not good for me."

You grin, but only get a "mmhmm" in response. You kiss him gently on the cheek.

"All I want to do is look forward to these beautiful moments," he whispers.

Now you are the one who answers with an "mmhm?

He looks at you now, "Well, do you know how beautiful it will be? When we will soon be allowed to officially spend our evenings together," he whispers further.

You smile, "You mean when I don't have to hold back my moans anymore?"

He chuckles and presses you further against him.

"Maybe we should share our chambers even before we get wed, mhm?" he whispers in your ear.

"Then I still have to be quiet?" you look at him. He chuckles again, "Yes, that's probably true. But we can spend the evenings together."

You have to smile at the thought.

You turn in his arm and place your hands on his chest, "Aemond... about the wedding..." he looks into your eyes, "I.... I don't want any old farts in our chambers, watching us while we sleep together... Apart from the fact that I didn't bleed the first time... I certainly won't then," you whisper the end.

He nods, "I won't allow it. No one will be watching when I make love to you.", he gently strokes your cheek.

You lean towards him and kiss him softly.

The next morning, Aemond is in the training yard as usual. His opponent for today is standing opposite him.

When a voice sounds from the entrance of the yard, "Maybe he should train with someone who has real fighting experience".

A murmur goes through the small crowd standing on the balcony.

Aemond looks in the direction of the voice and sees Daemon standing there, his hand resting on Dark Sister's hilt.

Aemond's jaw tenses.

He has great respect for Daemon, which almost turns into admiration. Even if he would never admit it. And not just because he is your father, but because he is a truly skilled fighter. The stories told around the Stepstones have fascinated him since he was a child.

Daemon walks slowly towards Aemond. Aemond's actual opponent bows his head and leaves the training field.

"Do you dare?" asks Daemon as he reaches the field.

Aemond just nods.

Aemond and Daemon face each other as they move in a circle.

Both hold up a sword.

Aemond would not have thought it possible, but he is excited in a training session for the first time since he was a child. To calm himself down, he lets his sword circle in his hand a few times.

Daemon doesn't even let his gaze wander, it is fixed stiffly on Aemond, the sword steady in his hand.

In the meantime, the crowd on the small balcony has grown.

Aemond tries his luck, he goes for Daemon. With his sword raised, he takes a big step towards Daemon and a scream leaves him. Daemon blocks the attack and Aemond tries to attack again with his sword. But Daemon swings his sword aside with ease and gives him a blow in his side. He makes a turn and now sees Aemond stumbling away. Aemond's back is turned to Daemon and now he tries his luck. But as he lunges, Aemond turns to the side and slams hard into Daemon's sword. Daemon takes a step back and again they face each other, both walking in circles.

Suddenly Daemon's voice rings out, "You know, in the beginning there was a moment when I would have loved to split your skull..."

Aemond doesn't want to be distracted, he watches Daemon closely.

".. But I love my daughter too much and I know I couldn't stop her from desiring the one eyed prince"

Aemond goes for Daemon again. Daemon blocks with ease but this time the swords are crossed in front of his chest as Daemon hisses, "She is too good for you"

"I am well aware of that," Aemond gasps back.

He knocks Aemond's sword aside and drives a knee into Aemond's stomach. While Aemond kneels on the ground gasping for air, Daemon circles him.

Aemond collects himself and stands on his feet again. He turns to Daemon, slight hatred reflected in Aemond's gaze, but he can't help it, he wants to beat Daemon.

With big steps he walks towards Daemon, his sword flies towards Daemon several times, Daemon tries to deflect all blows. The sound of clashing steel echoes through the training yard. With the last blow Daemon has to jump back, Aemond would otherwise have slashed his blade across Daemon's stomach. He spins and takes a swing, bringing his sword down on Aemond. Aemond blocks the blow, but Daemon elbows him in the face. Again Aemond is down.

"You should not only concentrate on your opponent's weapons in a fight. That Ser Crispon cunt should have shown you that. But Y/N can teach you that if need be."

Aemond breathes heavily and looks at Daemon.

Daemon looks at him again, "No matter what you do, you'll never be good enough for her. You should tell yourself that every day. That should be your motivation to try again every day to live up to her. Maybe then you will even begin to deserve her. And you should realise that if I hear that she is not doing well here, that I will come and get her. And that will not end well for you."

Aemond wordlessly stands up again, his gaze fixed on Daemon. He is still breathing heavily.

This time Daemon goes for him, Aemond is a little surprised but blocks the blows and takes a few steps back in the process. As Aemond goes for the swing, he has Daemon fist in his stomach again, but this time he doesn't go down, he strikes again with the sword. Daemon blocks the blow and again their swords are crossed.

"And you should stop fighting with honour. Because that's how you miss out on opportunities to bring your opponents down." Daemon kicks Aemond's leg to the side and Aemond lands on his back. Gasping, Aemond lies on the ground.

His eye is closed.

Daemon stands over him, "Let these words be a warning to you. Do not forget them."

Aemond feels a blade against his face, he stiffens, his breath catches.

With one movement Daemon cuts the leather strap of Aemond's eye patch. The eyepatch slides noiselessly to the floor. Aemond exhales loudly and now looks at Daemon.

Daemon just turns around and walks away, "You know, you fight pretty well. But it's still obvious that you don't have any experience on the battlefield."

Aemond lies there for a short while, but then stands up and throws the sword into a corner. He leaves the training yard. With his head bowed, he walks through the red keep.

On the way to his chambers you see him from a distance, you call out to him, but he just keeps walking.

You run after him and when you reach him you see that he is not wearing an eye patch.

"Aemond...?" you ask.

He stops and looks at you. You see that something is wrong. His hair is messed up, he is sweaty and dirty.

"Is everything all right?" you ask almost in a whisper.

He just nods and tries to smile.

You move closer to him, he freezes for a moment. You stand on your tiptoes to kiss his cheek and the scar. He leans into that kiss.

When he finally speaks, "I just need a bath badly".

You nod and smile at him.

At the end of the week, your parents leave Kings Landing with your brothers to go back to Dragonstone.

You stand in the courtyard and look at each other. You've had to cry a few times today. You are happy to stay with Aemond, but you will still miss your family.

Your brothers embrace you with all their strength, "Take care of yourself," Jace whispers in your ear and you smile.

"It will be strange not to be annoyed with your constant presence all the time," you reply to him.

He has to laugh, "I'll text you regularly to remind you how annoying my presence is."

"And I will reply," you respond. A tear leaves your eye.

You stroke Luke's hair, "And you'll look after Jace?". He nods and embraces your belly, you hug him.

Your mother takes a step towards you and hugs you, "My girl."

You smile and put your head in the crook of her neck.

She releases the hug and takes your face in her hands, "You write regularly? And if anything is wrong, turn to us, we will always be your family" you nod and more tears run down your cheek.

She kisses your cheek.

"We'll have your things brought here and when you come to fetch Meraxes we'll have another nice dinner on Dragonstone," again you can only nod.

She kisses you again as your father approaches you. You have been dreading this. You remember too much the goodbyes from your childhood, when you had to watch your father in tears as he left Kings Landing on Caraxes.

He stands in front of you and now your tears run uncontrollably down your cheek.

He holds you tightly and you sob into his chest, "Ssh.... my little dragon... we'll see each other again soon, after all you're getting wed soon and we can't miss that" You nod into his chest. You look up at him, he caresses your cheek and smiles, "And I've made sure Aemond will treat you well."

Suddenly it dawns on you, he was beating Aemond up like this when you saw him in the corridor to his chambers a few days ago.

"Daddy! It was you?"

He just chuckles, "Of course. I have to make sure you're alright here."

You have to smile and shake your head, "Aemond would never treat me badly."

"Yes, I should hope so for his sake". You shake your head in disbelief.

Daemon kisses you once more over your ear and then your family gets into the carriage.

You remember the day you arrived here. How excited you were to see Kings Landing again. How you didn't want to admit to yourself how much you longed to see Aemond again…. What he has become. How enchanted you were with him from the first second. And now your family is leaving Kings Landing without you. You stay with your Aemond now.

You stop in the courtyard for a while and watch the carriage move away from the red keep before heading into the castle.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Tag list

@leahjean  @afro-hispwriter  @jeyramarie  @powellssaturn @notabotiswear @hoshi-miharu-blog @random-human02 @m00n5t0n3 @sporadicshepherdzinebear @drewsgfduh @stargaryenx @dark-night-sky-99 @notabotiswear @ccosmic-illusion @darylandbethfanforever9 @grungegrrrl @spn-obession @carlottalhn @elle4404 @girl-with-an-orange-cat @genshinimpactislife @imjustboredso @tragicbucky @dollfaceyourfear @magnificantmermaid @mllemarianne @stargaryenx @mikariell95 @khaothick @aemonds-wifey @burningshewolf @munsonswrld @jackierose902109 @scaraxmouche @bucky-thorin-winchester @alexandra-001

[project-sekai-facts]

have you seen that theory about vbs not being the original owners of their sekai, and if so what are your thoughts about it?

i stared at this post for a few minutes wondering if you were talking about a post that was written by me and then i checked twitter and a post about RADder being the original owners popped up on my fyp so i'm assuming that's what you're talking about (also i realised that my post is. still in my drafts).

i go full pepe silvia under the cut. uh. sorry.

yeah anyway i do agree with that theory. kinda. The Street SEKAI is mentioned multiple times in the initial cards to have been around for a while, though this could be referring to the fact that SEKAI take time to grow before they manifest fully to the owners (think about School and Wonderland SEKAI, which probably took years to reveal themselves). But it could also imply that someone else contributed to the SEKAI before VBS. I actually talk about the theory briefly in that first linked post, so we'll continue from there.

so I don't think it was RADder. And yeah basically my only reason is that they're too old. MEIKO was released in 2006, considering the only date mentioned in the game is (Autumn) 2021, this is after An was born, when RADder was already pretty successful. Also we don't know enough about SEKAI physics to confirm this, but Miku seems to be more important than MEIKO so maybe space-time wasn't broken until 2007, and RADder is probably even more successful at that point because of the CDs they recorded when An was a baby.

the SEKAI just doesn't work in the time frame. What we know is that the Street SEKAI was formed by dreams and aspiration. Which is kinda the case for most SEKAI but Street SEKAI was more specifically formed by the passion its creators have for these dreams. and while RADder had big dreams to be top musicians in the world and was passionate about that, they were like realistically never gonna achieve that, but also they were at a point where they were doing very well and were very successful and on their way there. they didn't really need the help from Miku as much as VBS needs it.

Now the way Nagi talks about some things in Light Up the Fire definitely could be read a certain way, especially when she talks about passing on RADder's dream to the kids in the audience at RW, but I still don't think RADder being the original owners entirely works. Honestly the easiest point to argue for that claim is that the Street SEKAI has a very strong attachment to RAD WEEKEND, which on the one hand could be part of the fact that Taiga very clearly never moved past it and never fully processed the death of his sister, but it makes a lot more sense to be a trait tied to the people who aspire to surpass it. also MEIKO outright says that's why the attachment to RW is there in her initial 2*.

However,

I don't think it's entirely out of the question for some of the other side characters to have an influence over the Street SEKAI. As I've mentioned, the SEKAI has a strong attachment to RW, and all of them have the same goal of surpassing the event. Also the 4 older VSingers in the SEKAI (MEIKO, KAITO, Luka, Miku) all takes traits from the members of RADder. Which makes a lot of sense for the main mentor figures in the SEKAI to be based on the people that the kids look up to.

There is an argument to be made though that they gave up on their dreams to easily. In LUTF, Taiga decides to crush all their dreams and Tatsuya (+ his group), Arata and Kotaro all leave, like, they just give up while (an admittedly very shaken) VBS sticks with their dream.

Tatsuya and EVER leave because all this time they'd been just carrying on until they eventually saw victory, but after taking a beating from Taiga, they realised that there's some things that you won't be able to overcome and give up.

Arata leaves because even though he has skill, Taiga was able to get through to his weakness - Souma. Taiga realises that Arata has experienced a similar loss and grief to he did, and although Arata is trying to carry Souma's dream on his behalf, Taiga knows from experience that Arata is just clinging on to Souma's dream as a way of coping with his loss, rather than actually trying to uphold it (basically he calls him selfish). Arata isn't able to argue back, feels a lot of guilt over that, and leaves.

Kotaro is like. particularly interesting and also most eligible for Miku therapy. He's genuinely really scared and overwhelmed by Taiga's challenge, and gives a poor performance when he has to stand up to him, and straight up gets called shit and weak by Taiga and the audience. Dead serious. Afterwards he literally has a breakdown, calls himself an idiot for not being able to sing and then goes on about how he's shit at everything and apologises because should've given up ages ago because all he's ever done is drag everyone else down before literally running away and DAMN do I hope he gets development on that in the Toya event.

all things considered i'd honestly say that all of them to some degree could've contributed to the formation of the SEKAI, Souma included (honestly he seems the most passionate about it even though he was forced to give up). all of them were passionate about it but then there's always the fact that they all gave up really easily, although they were reluctant. that said, toya did the same thing in the main story so...

Although,

There's still an argument that the Street SEKAI was just formed by the four of VBS, and Kohane was just the final piece of the puzzle that made it reveal itself. Three passionate people who are wholeheartedly devoted to their dream and one ordinary girl who wants to do something that she can dedicate herself to and feel passionate about. inverse MMJ if you will. fate is probably canon in project sekai also like i've mentioned this a few times before so that could play a part in all this.

but come to think of it, the sekai doesn't even reveal itself to Akito and Toya until really late in the main story. supposedly they still heavily influenced it but that's a bit... odd? don't you think? like the only other times that happens is N25 and WxS, wherein the SEKAI was made by only one person and let the others in later, but this was a SEKAI that was supposedly made by all 4 of them. so if you think about it hard enough, could the street sekai maybe do that again?

Also,

Nagi is very important to the VBS story and lore despite the fact that she was very obviously written in much later in development. Going back to the fate thing, at RW she states that since RADder is over and she's over, she now has a new dream, that being that she wants the next generation to be inspired by what they achieved and carry on their legacy. While when she says that, she's talking about An and Akito in the audience at RW, it's stated multiple times that the "next generation" includes all of VBS, and all the side characters. so yeah, the fate thing. I doubt the game will ever do anything about it since they're side characters, but I think it can be argued that they contributed to the SEKAI a bit.

i wrote this in so many increments and in the wrong order and now it lacks any cohesion whatsoever and i have no idea what i'm even saying at this point and i think i sort of proved it and disproved it simultaneously but like. yeah. it's an alright theory. i have some thoughts on it.

[alexalblondo]

Vettel: No regrets on retiring, realises how small F1 world is

Sebastian Vettel has said he has had no regrets about retiring from Formula 1, after coming to realise how small a world grand prix racing is.

Jonathan Noble Sep 21, 2023 at 12:14 PM

The four-time world champion is attending this weekend’s Japanese Grand Prix to help launch his ‘Buzzin’ Corner’ project to raise awareness for biodiversity.

All 20 current F1 drivers on Thursday attended a launch event for the new insect hotels that have been built on the inside of Turn 2 at Suzuka, where the kerbs have also been painted black and yellow in a nod to what Vettel has done.

Speaking about his enthusiasm for the campaign, Vettel said that he was happy in retirement – especially as it had made him realise about life outside of F1.

Asked if there were any second thoughts about an F1 comeback, Vettel said: “Not for now. I mean, I've enjoyed this project.

“It is obviously a small project, but I've enjoyed my time so far this year, and had lots of ideas, and lots of things that I read up on.

“F1 was the centre to my life for so long, but once you step out, you realise even more how big the rest of the world is, and how small in a way F1 is.

“But not to take any excitement from the sport: it's an amazing sport and amazing feeling to drive those cars. So yes, of course I do miss that. But I also feel at some point it's probably time for all of us to move on.”

Vettel explained that the idea for the insect hotels at Suzuka was pitched to F1 CEO Stefano Domenicali during his visit to the Monaco Grand Prix earlier this year.

While the Suzuka project is a one-off for now, Vettel said he would be open to other tracks installing similar areas to help raise awareness of biodiversity.

“That would be great, but obviously it's largely dependent on F1's backing,” he said. “Obviously Stefano was very supportive. I pitched the project in Monaco. He was supportive and confident that we can do it. So yeah, happy that we got it done.

“It was absolutely great to have the support from the other drivers. To get everybody, I think it's quite overwhelming. Also, some team principals, team managers came, it was just the whole community. To have most of them here was great.”

While Vettel is enthused by his biodiversity and climate push, he does not think it has yet become his calling after quitting F1.

“Maybe I'm still waiting for my calling, but it's definitely something that's very close to my heart and very important to me,” he explained.

“It's not my calling, I think it should be, in a way, everybody's calling because rather than talking about insects and forms of life, you can bring it back to talking about us, because we all like to eat. And who's pollinating plants?

“It's all sorts of insects, and if they disappear because we are losing biodiversity fast, we are in the middle of a mass extinction with losing species that we probably haven't understood yet.

“So, if that decline continues, then basically we will disappear from this planet. And that would be a shame. So, it's not my calling. It should be all our calling.”

[bungobble-my-balls]

What if Fyodor possessed Sigma wouldn't that be crazy hahah

So with the Jesus allegory from the last episode he doesn't get completely reincarnated, but a copy of himself is made within Sigma from the information transfer, and it's almost like he's reincarnated.

OK hear me out

I don't think this is actually what's going to happen with the anime, but I DO think this plot is plausible enough that it could happen in one of bsd's many canon alternate timelines.

So you know how Fyodor did the whole 'help me I'm innocent and the real Fyodor has taken over my body 🥺' stchick to trick Sigma? OK so in this scenario let's say that's actually foreshadowing.

Fyodor's ability, although I'm not exactly sure what it is, based on theories seems to involve him being able to make another version of himself. Some people even believe he can put a version of himself inside of someone to kill them from the inside (I don't have the exact reasoning but there are theories just go with it).

After Sigma uses his ability on Fyodor to gain EVERY one of Fyodor's secrets and everything about him, he passes out from information overload as we know. What if in this coma state, Sigma and Fyodor's abilities are combining (Sigma gaining all of Fyodor's knowledge, Fyodor putting a version of himself inside of Sigma), and this creates a version of Fyodor created just from the knowledge Sigma gained of him. This version takes over the body, and when 'Sigma' wakes up its actually a new version of Fyodor (especially because Fyodor would be made of more knowledge than Sigma considering their lifespans, so Fyodor's consciousness could be more powerful).

So it's not like a ghost possession situation, it's an ability possession similar to what happened with Shibusawa.

So 'Sigma' walks out of Mersault, maybe during whatever chaos happens in the 2 hours, and sees Nikolai still holding the original Fyodor's arm.

Nikolai is shocked to see Sigma alive and awake, but then soon finds out that it's actually Fyodor (or a copy of him) in Sigma's body. Fyodor doesn't know about any events that happened before the information transfer, so he doesn't know about Dazai getting shot, Chuuya and Dazai's plan, or his original self dying. So Nikolai fills him in on that.

At that point, Fyodor realises he'll need to stay underground again for some time before he can get back at Dazai and continue his mission. It's helpful though that everyone believes he's dead and that he looks different, since people won't be looking for him.

So Fyodor and Nikolai go underground together this time, because with the DOA now in shambles Nikolai is Fyodor's only ally. And Sigma is currently trapped in his body, but in a limbo between consciousness and unconsciousness. His own conscious is in his body being relayed information over and over to keep him in an overloaded state.

Also for this AU Fyolai are still repressed homosexuals (Nikolai a little less after his post Fyodor death speech but still repressed enough), because even if I'm putting Sigma through a body possession plot I'm not gonna have his body be in the middle of Fyolai kissing I wouldn't do that to him.

Fyodor intends to find a way to get a body for himself, and they bring along Fyodor's arm and find a way to attach it to him again as a start (I thought about a Mary Shelley character having an ability to do this, but I forgot she already exists so I'm still thinking about how they'd do this).

I can also imagine Fyodor using Sigma's appearance to fuck with Dazai as a part of his plan later on. Maybe he takes more of his acting classes and even pretends to be Sigma at some point in the future.

[snallavanta]

okay i’ve got some sleep, the thoughts are more coherent, the crying has somewhat stopped so here are my thoughts on the last ever season of young royals 💜 (with spoilers)

🐟 writing + pacing

the writing of season 3 is so so similar to the way they wrote season 2. there’s always this huge emphasis on something that the audience could probably care less about. season 2 was about rousseau and season 3 was about hillerska closing down. seriously, did anyone really care that much about these two events? anyway, this pushed a lot of the emphasis onto the school which i felt was unnecessary screen time wasted.

pacing-wise is also similar to season 2. it’s unbearably underwhelming in the first few episodes then it gets really fast-paced in the last 2 episodes. i don’t know how this effectively gets the writers’ point across because i would’ve definitely appreciated some breathing space between the break-up in episode 5 to wilhelm dropping everything in episode 6.

that being said, wille’s decision appears rather impulsive even though we as a viewer know that this decision was something he thought about for the past 3 seasons. being a part of the monarchy was never on wille’s wishlist (and we are painfully made aware of it at almost every moment) but the fact that the break-up happened just before that made it seem like he did it for simon. i think that could’ve been conveyed better.

🎹 music

oh my god the soundtrack this season is especially good. every single song was so perfectly chosen & it portrayed the emotions of the characters so well. i also love the idea that the sounds sound more mature too (no abc i’m the alpha bitch type of nonsense 💀) because the characters are growing and becoming aware of the world and their surroundings

one thing though: i am so disappointed they did not continue the ep4-ep6 song parallel. the season 3 song would’ve worked so well for any wilmon scenes pre-breakup

also WHAT SONG IS THAT IN THE TRAILER AND WHY IS IT NOT EVEN IN THE SHOW? that infuriates me so bad especially since the song is so good

👑 characters

BROOOOO wilhelm angered me the whole season. he was so selfish and kept on going "me me me"; i hated his guts. however, i love that there was a clear distinction between crown prince wilhelm and wille. it’s clear that whatever crazy rules was not his decision to make and he was simply the messenger, but he still could’ve delivered the message more sympathetically. at the end of the day, i’m glad that he could differentiate prince wilhelm from wille and decide for himself.

SIMON. MY BELOVED. MY POOR BOY. he went through so much this season and he didn’t deserve any of that. i’m glad he was happy in the end but i wished he freed himself from the shackles of the monarchy (even if that includes wille) earlier on. it was so disheartening to see him lose a part of himself to keep up with the royal court’s wishes.

i wished felice got more attention that didn’t involve the people around her. i wanted to see more of her—how betrayed she felt by sara, how she was treated differently compared to her peers. yeah, she got that moment about her hair and standing up for what’s fair as the only black girl in school but everything else was just about wilhelm or the rest of the girls. make my girl be more than just the supportive best friend!!!

stedrika. no words. they reek of superiority and i hated it. i am glad they finally got together in the end though

august. i don’t know what to say about him. i’m relieved that him and wilhelm finally got their peace. i am also relieved that him and sara finally got closure. and as evil as it may be, i am glad that he is the new heir for the monarchy as it was always what he’s wanted—even if he realised it too late that it was only the idea of being king that he wanted, not the actuality of the role’s responsibilities.

and finally sara. this girl struck a chord with me. everything she said this season just somehow resonated with me. maybe it's because i recently found out i have adhd so i could see myself in her but i just felt so connected with her and seen by her actions. all along she's been trying to do what she thinks is best for everyone, but she just needs some help doing it the proper way. i was so sad for her when micke abandoned her again because it really felt as though he was turning over a new leaf. and when she made up with felice, i was full on sobbing at that point

💜 ending

now straight up, i felt that the ending was sub-par. it was so rushed, i barely had the time to process whatever was happening. one thing i love about young royals is how thought out everything is, but the ending was so cliche. i love that wilmon got their happy ending but it was just... not executed in a way i feel was satisfactory.

also i love the montage that played but i don't think it was the best choice of media to use. wilmon was constantly on-and-off during those periods. it's weird to use those because they weren't really official during that time (at least not to the whole of sweden).

the only thing that really moved me in the last moments is wille breaking the fourth wall again with a smile on his face, his hair all scruffed and knowing that he is now free to live his life however he wants to.

overall, i would have to watch the series again to process it all properly but these are my thoughts as of now, 2-days post watching season 3 <3

[screaming-heart]

hello. i am an introject. this is a long ass ramble about my opinions surrounding the terms source-attached and source-separated, as well as what those words mean to me (and our system as a whole). This is, in fact, very long. Be warned.

Introduction and Rambling

so our host has been engaging with my source media recently (which consequently has made me more aware of its existence than i have been in maybe 2 years) and i've been thinking about the nature of my existence.

i saw lestat made a post on this account a while ago describing her experience with being a fictional introject, and while i agree with most of what it said, a lot of it didn't ring true for me.

like, she was explaining how he felt in between the terms source separated and source attached because she was still similar in many ways to his source, but most of those similarities were, at that point, independent of the source.

im sort of the opposite. i'm basically still my source in every way. same name, age, appearance (i don't even have new clothes or anything). i still act the same and talk the same. If you put me and source-me into a venn diagram, it would just about be a circle. and yet, i consider myself source separated.

now, to any normal person, this discrepancy would be chalked up to "every alter is different and these words are made up," which is true, but I also didn't intend to front today and have a lot of time on my hands, so I decided to look more into the system community's relationships with introjects (primarily fictional introjects, although i will talk about others types as well). my primary source is tumblr, because the DID community on this website is like a disease i have the antibodies for, and all other websites are like diseases that will kill me instantly.

So, lets proceed.

Actually before that, a few disclaimers.

1) i am not a doctor, nor am i the arbiter of what a system is supposed to look like. None of this is meant to fakeclaim, just to see others experiences and compare them to my own.

2) I am including both traumagenic systems and non-traumagenic systems in my data because, honestly, i do not have the energy to filter anyone out. however, this post does just assume that introjects / alters are a result of trauma. if that is not true in your case, this post isn't about you.

3) I don't plan on going into the specifics of any trauma, personal or otherwise, however i will likely mention some events and experiences throughout this post. i'll trigger warning them accordingly, but proceed with caution.

Part One: Fictional Introjects (AKA "Fictives) On Tumblr

So i will start off by saying that I don't like the word fictive for many reasons, and prefer to be referred to as a fictional introject (although these days i'd prefer to not be called an introject at all, but i digress). However, the word fictive is both more widely used (afaik), and shorter, so i'll likely use that term through most of this useless analysis.

So, my first observation after 5-10 minutes of looking through the 'fictive' tag gives me this information: many people who talk about their fictives consider themselves 'fictive-heavy.'

from my brief look through the tag, i identified somewhere between 1/3 and 1/2 of systems identified as 'fictive-heavy.' Idk what this means, but i found it sort of interesting.

Observation No. 2: i found a surprising amount of posts (not too many, but more than i thought i would find) that showed fictives actively roleplaying as themselves. I found this interesting, since for me and the other fictional introjects i've met, this sounds absolutely mortifying.

Observation No. 3: there were quite a few posts about source separation, specifically positivity posts for introjects who had key differences from their source (ie. non-canon memories, different appearance, etc). There was also a post of a comic explaining source separation, which will be very helpful later.

Now, these things have made me realise something.

Many of the introjects i've seen on tumblr are very aware of the fact that they're an introject.

Systems joke about how the fictives' portrayal of themself is considered 'so authentic' by roleplay partners who are unaware of the author's identity. memes are made about the bewilderment when the fictive says something out of character in a fanfiction. people vent about how their source memories are really hitting hard today, and how much they miss others from their source all the time, every day. And I find that so strange.

The last point specifically reminds me of source-call channels in many system discord servers. I've always hated those channels for the harm they can cause, which I won't get into right now, but I also never understood the point.

and now I think I do. These introjects identity as *insert character here* is something they are always aware of. they are always aware of the fact that they used to be someone else in a different universe. Not only that, but they think this behavior is expected.

All the positivity posts about how introjects are not their source are very necessary in this environment, because introjects in this community feel less 'valid' or 'real' when their experiences are not what I outlined above.

I think this is the root of why the terms source separated and source attached exist. they are a false dichotomy brought on by the belief that introjects are their source, see themselves as their source, and always see themselves as their source.

Part One Point Five: Ben's Bullshit

I don't know how to smoothly transition into this section, so I'm just gonna start it here. If you don't wanna hear my story and experiences, and just wanna skip to the analysis, go ahead and do so.

My experiences with the community of introjects on tumblr are limited. I was one of the first alters our then-host discovered, right after I split. This era was before we were really interacting with the system community, so I existed as an outside observer. I pretty quickly realised I didn't fit in, although at the time I didn't know why, so I stopped caring.

When I split, I knew what had happened. Our host had suspected DID for a little while at that point, and one of our Gatekeepers essentially filled me in on what was going on. I knew who I was, what my role was, and why I was the one who was here. My status as an introject was unimportant.

I was gonna keep my identity a secret, but I actually don't care. My source is Ben Hargreeves from the hit TV show the Umbrella Academy, which our host had been watching during a particularly hard part of their life. The reason my character was introjected was obvious to everyone in the system at the time; our host related to Klaus a lot (minus the drug problems, plus the mommy issues), and I was Klaus's support system. My role was obvious, and also urgent.

As this part of our life was ending, I became curious about my 'introject' status. I was confused why it was important. I did not split with specific source memories or attachments or information. our host felt anxiety over my complete lack of source memories, actually. that fact contributed to the spiral of doubt and denial that they were going through at the time. as for me, I never cared. I knew who i was.

thats why i find the attitude of many other introjects on this website strange. the idea of roleplaying myself or writing fanfiction or seeking out others with similar memories never made sense to me because my source wasn't important to me. it was just that thing I was based on.

sure, when i see pictures of Ben during seasons 1 and 2 I see myself. when i hear about the plotline of the show I distantly recall that happening to me. but my source was never the important part about me, it was just an extra comfort afforded to our host. to me, the important part about me was my job.

but, of course, thats my experience, and we have other fictional introjects in our system. And this whole thing was inspired by Lestat's post, so I might as well bring him up.

TW for this next bit: i'm going to go over some of our experiences regarding emotional abuse, mental illness, and toxic relationships. i don't go into too much detail, but reader discretion is advised.

(Lestat uses he/she/it pronouns. I'm sticking to he/him for consistency. i promise he doesn't care.)

In my case, my source was secondary to my job. I was a caretaker first, just with a ben hargreeves coloured coat of paint. Lestat is different.

Lestat's existence as an introject is directly related to his source, the AMC adaptation of Interview With The Vampire. Our host watched the first episode of the show, and had such an emotional reaction that he and Louis popped up. Louis is much like me; the character he's based on is secondary to the function he serves. Lestat's job, on the other hand, is inextricable with the man he's based off of.

We were never able to get past the first episode of the show, but what Lestat shared (and what we heard from other viewers later) felt eerily similar to our experiences, even if we didn't know it. specifically, his time being held captive. as a child, our family would lock us in our room for hours, sometimes just to get us to go to sleep, sometimes as punishment. the feelings of abandonment and hopelessness he described matched up quite well.

later, his abusive and obsessive treatment of Louis mirrored our own struggles with relationships, flipping between adoring someone to hating them at the drop of a hat.

lestat's source memories serve a function. they are, at their core, real memories of isolation, desperation, obsession, guilt, etc, just packaged in a way that could not happen in the real world. it's yet another form of dissociation. at his core, Lestat is the reflection of a trauma holder in a funhouse mirror. warped and strange, but still the same idea.

lestat's relationship to his source is more like those i've listed above, but still completely different. up until very recently, just mentioning his source would make him melt down and bring up flashbacks. he did have people from his source who he missed, but the idea of interacting with any of them made him sick.

but most of all, he was more than a representation of a character.

his source was important for trauma reasons. when we weren't dealing with the trauma reasons, he was just a guy. he made a lot more reference to his life as a 200-or-so year old vampire than I ever did, but he never felt the need to be lestat. he explains this idea better in his post, but his source didn't affect every part of his life.

i think that's what confuses me most about the introjects of tumblr. in my daily life, my source didn't matter. all it did was give our unconscious mind a blueprint to spit me out, and nothing else. In lestat's case, its the same. we've never been so preoccupied with our source because at the end of the day, it was just a tool that our brain used to deal with traumatic situations. it wasn't, to us at least, more important than that.

Part Two: Okay So What Does This Have To Do With Source Separation?

good question! as i outlined in part one, I think the concept of source attachment stems from the system community's obsession with introject accuracy. this issue has gotten a lot better now, I've noticed, but for a while every introject was judged on how much they were like their source.

now, they weren't necessarily judged negatively if they were very different from their source, but they were judged. despite so many posts explaining that introjects are not their source, we still couldn't escape our roots.

so, as far as i can tell, the concept of 'source separation' didn't exist until the system community made it up. introjects have been noted in a lot of DID-related literature, however they were usually introjects of abusers, and sometimes caretakers. these alters would be dealt with like any other alter: by getting them to slowly unlearn their harmful behaviours, and become more cooperative with the rest of the system.

however, with the rise of fictional introjects occuring in systems, many of whom find their source to be a comfort or safe place instead of something hurtful, the idea of source separation was born.

the way introjects form is, at least in traumagenic systems, unhealthy, and healing often involves acknowledging and coping with your past and your present. therefore, introjects who had a hard time moving on from their source might hinder those goals. that's the reason many traumagenic systems encourage source-separation, as it's seen as a form of healing.

however, how important source separation is to recovery heavily depends on what it actually entails.

this comic defines source separation as 'the process an introject goes through of realizing they are not their source.' this, at its core, seems to be the generally accepted definition. however, it isn't very useful.

many, if not most, introjects know logically that they are not their source. this knowledge often doesn't change too much about how their source affects them. traumatic memories, personal information, and appearance don't tend to change when an introject acknowledges their source, and often don't change even when that acknowledgement becomes an actual, deeply held belief. this doesn't feel like its inherently healing.

so i think, for source separation to be a Good Thing tm, there needs to be actual work put into the why. Why was this person introjected? why are they this similar/dissimilar to their source? why is this what our brain felt it needed to survive?

and now, it becomes clear to me that source separation is not, in itself, recovery. source separation is a product of recovery.

at the end of the day, introjects are the way they are because of trauma, just like every other alter ever. i think that the separation of introjects from other alters has made this fact a lot less clear. introjects are not different from any other alter, and they shouldn't be treated differently, either.

Part Two Point Five: Ben Again!

This is honestly why I don't like being called an introject. It isn't actually that important to me, to who I am, to how I work, etc. I think the label of introject is useful as a descriptor, like how the terms protector and little are used, and not necessarily as a singular identity. I am not just an introject, or a protector, or a nonhuman, or whatever else. I'm all of those things, and more, and just like its shitty to assume anything about an alter because of their role or their age, i think its shitty to assume things about introjects because of their source attachment, or their memories, or whatever else.

[ignoranxed]

Yes, Boston deserves better but there is no other ending Boston should’ve had. Here’s why.

boston’s arc in this last ep was so heartbreaking for me personally because we see just how broken and lost events of the recent past have made him. yet, i wouldn’t have it any other way and entirely believe that boston’s characterisation in this ep is the pinnacle of impeccable writing.

yes, boston deserved better. watching him in the entirety of that new years night through 12 3/4 and 4/4 was so heartbreaking because we see someone who was so confident and self-assured of himself that he didn’t care at all for anyone’s opinion, let alone want their approval for his life and choices, grabbing onto just about any semblance of the kind of person that he “could” be so that he receives love and acceptance from his friends/nick, because the very idea of himself that he wore like a badge of pride was shattered to bits.

but i’ll tell you what. i for one am very glad that this is the ending jojo and co decided to give boston.

there’s a couple things to tackle here that’ll better explain my reasoning. firstly, i believe ton was who he was and did what he did in the initial half of the show not because he was being his most authentic self but because he found acceptance and a sense of belonging with ray, mew and cheum for being that way. when they weaponised the very version that they had been encouraging earlier, ton’s surety and confidence regarding his idea of who he was came crashing down.

but we’ve seen that there is more to ton than just the asshole he portrayed himself to be (i sure hope we agree on this), and i for one think ton also comes to this realisation at the same time as we did, which was probably only post ep8/9. within this period of time, though, ton’s also been through so. fucking. much. he lost his friends after they publicly shamed him for being who he thought they’d always encouraged him to be, became literally ostracised, came to terms with his feelings for nick, dealt with the consequences of atom’s lies (and atom himself), reflected on his choices that hurt his friends (because if he didn’t he wouldn’t have apologised the way did at that new year’s party), and that probably only covers a part of all that this man went through in like about 2-3 months. to go through so many changes, both internally and externally, in such a short period of time, while living through one of the most debilitating experiences of having one’s idea of oneself be shattered, when one used to be so goddamn sure of, and confident of oneself, no wonder ton is begging!! his friends/nick to love him and to accept him like they used to.

now here’s the part where i tell you why i think the writing/characterisation for ton in this ep excelled like very few others ever have. even as ton seeks validation for his existence and way of life from his friends/nick in order to be sure of himself, he still is as authentically himself as ever in knowing who he isn’t, despite everyone else’s constant judgement-passing. there’s so many examples of this but since this is already miles long, i’ll only state a couple. 1. ton has always been clear about the fact that he slept with top because he was chasing a momentary pleasure, and that his choices had nothing to do with mew (one could argue, “well it’s his choice, he’d know why he made it”, but if you’ve ever experienced anything similar, you’d know how hard it is to trust your reasonings over others’ when everyone that ever mattered to you uses a twisted version of who you are that fits their narrative to villainise you). 2. with nick, ton very clearly expresses what he expects and can provide in a relationship, and stands his ground even when he feels bad for hurting nick with his choice. we only see him falter with nick at that pavement scene when he’s trying to escape the loneliness he feels, and that too in a half-assed, sloppy attempt (and it’s only with nick).

the point here is that ton’s sense of self may have been shaken badly, but it hasn’t been shattered entirely. he can find his way back to being himself, but no matter how lonely, empty and cold that journey may get, he has to tread it alone because a). he is too vulnerable right now, and b). he hasn’t yet learnt how to honour friendships/relationships especially when they conflict with his own interests.

if i haven’t made it clear already, the beauty of this show lies in the fact that it recognises every single one of its characters as innately humane, flaws and all, while also highlighting the impermanence of these flaws, because to be human is to be on a constant journey of self-actualisation, regardless of wanting to be/do better. boston’s characterisation is such a well written example of this very beautiful, yet sparsely understood truth and i just fell in love with everything about boston’s character in this ep.

I gotta sleep on this finale and coalesce my thoughts, but this episode went to the greatest lengths to have each and every one of the characters tell Boston that he should "improve" himself. That his current character is not palatable to anyone -- his "friends", his boyfriend.

Boston was ostracized, isolated and berated to the point that it completely shattered his sense of self. He went from this

To this

This is where the show left him -- alone, dejected, and questioning every single part of identity. And I am raging mad about this.

[gettatranslations]

It Looks Like a Plum。Yumigeta Ako (23.09.22)

Good evening🌛

I'm Yumigeta Ako 🛑

Thank you very much for your comments yesterday！

Changing trains is always frightening at first right…！

And there's those short escalators、and the escalators that don't have stairs that you often see at the airport、and so many different trains、and sometimes I've ended up at the wrong station、and all the trains have like 10 carriages、and I didn't know that I had to retap my IC card when getting back on the Shinkansen so it beeped angrily at me…etc

I understand all of your issues so well〜！

Before I moved Tokyo I'd heard the stories about rush hour trains but I thought they were exaggerated、and I was wondering how hard it could be to navigate the underground system！

But now I've had to brave rush hour every day… And I often end up at the wrong station…

It's tough but I'll keep working on it because I know it'll be easy once I'm used to it！

So today I'll talk about our new MV🙂

Sorry for only talking about the MV！But it was just so much fun！

A photo taken by Sakurai-san♡

And

The moment Yumigeta saw this object、she immediately felt attracted to it。But why！

Tick Tock Tick Tock Tick Tock Time's Up

The correct answer is because it looks like an umeboshi plum！

Isn't the colour so similar？！

Plus its surface wqs really smooth、so I wanted to touch it〜 and ended up stroking it for ages笑lol

All of the members had their own favourite props which was interestingー

Maybe try asking them sometime👀

Talking more about the MV…

It's only been 2 days since the MV for 『Wake-up Call〜Mezameru Toki〜』 was posted、

But it's already exceeded 500,000 views〜❗️❗️❗️

Thank you〜❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️

🎉🎊💐👏♥️🎉🎊💐👏♥️🎉🎊💐

It's really amazing！I thought that this song could become addictive when I first heard it、and I guess you all had the same thought？？！

And so many people said they've watched it many times〜…！😭

I'm so happy！And so grateful！Thank you very much！

If the view count keeps going up、maybe it'll even reach people who don't currently know about Morning Musume。…❗️

We'll all keep working hard to make that happen！

Please continue to support us from here on too❣️

⋆┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈⋆

Well then it's time for today's 【Gettaa Life】✨

The other day〜

I decided that

「I want to take better care of my hair since individual events are coming up」、

So I went to the beauty salon for a treatment！

So now it's rea〜lly silky smooth！

They used a supersonic straightener？And a steamer and lots more things to make it all silky…❗️

Since I went through the effort to make it so smooth I want to keep it this wayー So I've started fully drying my hair with a hair dryer and and applying hair oil and using my straighteners at a lower temperature setting！

At first I did it just to prevserve its silliness but now I've come to simply enjoy hair care！

I hope I can keep it up longer than just 1 week〜……

And、since I'm in Tokyo、I decided to make the effort to try a shampoo 🧴that's not sold in Shizuoka so I bought a new shampoo and conditioner the other day and they've made my hair really smooth too✨

It's so important to use products that suit you、I've really realised this now！

Tomorrow we have our first individual event！

Please look forward to silky haired Yumigeta Ako♪

I Getted 「A path to Beauty」✨

Since our tour has begun I also want to find cosmetics that suit me better…

I'm excited❤️‍🔥

That's all！This has been 【Gettaa Life】！

⋆┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈⋆

T/N News and information has not been translated

⋆┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈⋆

Tomorrow is finally the start of our individual events…！

I wonder what stories you'll all tell me〜

I'm so curious〜

I want you to tell me〜

Or maybe give me hint〜

I'll be waiting for your comments。

Oh and！

It was pretty hot today right！

Tomorrow's high temperature is due to be 29℃ which is the same as today、so please be sure not to get heat stroke、and also avoid the cold that's going around！

Let's all have fun while putting our health first〜♪

Well then I'll see you tomorrow！

This has been YumiGettaa Ako！Good night🦊🦊🦊

[sayruq]

Do you think Ned Stark ever realized how bad of a man Robert was? I know he condemns SOME of Robert's actions but it always seems to me that he never takes his King's actions as indicative of his character. He said nothing to Robert about hitting Cersei, his anger at what happened with Lady was lacking, he reconciled with him and Jon Arryn after Robert condoned a horrific war crime-Could he have ever realized how bad of a person Robert was in some weird alternate universe?

let me ramble lol

he did. a lot of the tension in ned's chapters is that he is struggling not to relive traumatic moments and robert's 'change' is making that hard for ned. they were brothers, they went to war together, they mourned lyanna together, they went to war together again. there's a lot of history and while a lot of it was painful, ned thought, despite growing evidence before tywin's 'gift', that robert was a good man. or at least ned made himself believe that. the thing about suppressing memories and feelings in order to be at peace with someone is that you have know why you're doing that even if you don't acknowledge it.

ned's life went to hell because of aerys, robert winning was supposed to set things right but immediately that illusion is shattered when robert looked down on the corpses of 2 babies and a woman who had done nothing wrong and more than condoned it, he defended it. he married into the family that did it. ned fought him but they reconciled- imo 50% because of jon and 50% because of ned's long friendship with robert.

i actually think that ned didn't stay in the north just to protect jon and because of his traumas, i think he was hiding away from the reality of who robert was. like sansa, who never sought joffrey out after lady's death despite their betrothal and the fact that they now live in the same castle instead of different camps, ned didn't seek robert out. he didn't visit him, robert didn't come to the north, and we can tell who is the one holding back between the two of them. people characterise ned's arc in agot as him realising just how badly things have gotten with robert as king and i used to think that too. now i think it's all about ned being forced to confront the truths he realised 15 years earlier and pushed aside.

BUT i also think that because ned is a man and robert's violence is often directed at women, he doesn't see robert as the lost cause that he is. ned loves robert. despite the babies laid at the foot of the throne, despite ned having to hide his nephew's existence, ned loves robert. he loves him enough to constantly give him chance after chance to prove himself. however there's also jon arryn's murder. would ned have forced himself to remain in king's landing without that hanging over his head? personally i think jon's death has the same function as sansa's betrothal.

ned and sansa are trapped in a situation where leaving is not easy. they're trapped with two violent people they're meant to love and serve. sansa actually ignored joffrey or didn't think about him unless they interacted. she feared and hated him until he was close by and she was reminded of why she's in king's landing so she clumsily rewrites events in her head and tries to cast joffrey as the perfect prince. it doesn't work well- she thinks about how he likes killing, she nearly forgets her betrothal when she was arguing with ned, she went to cersei for king's landing, not joffrey. while being interrogated she keeps saying she loves joffrey and its paired with heightened fear.

ned reacts in a similar way except that he's much older and therefore is constantly forced to confront robert's frankly evil acts. he sees robert hit cersei, he goes to a brothel where robert impregnated a child, he witnesses robert ordering dany's assassination, robert admits to hitting joffrey. everything wrong that robert does, he either does it in front of ned or tells him about it. the way ned moves past some of these things is partly due to misogyny, partly due to jon arryn's death, and partly due to his love for robert, and a lot of suppression.

how do you condemn someone you love? when robert ordered dany's assassination, it hit too close to home and it also was a different kind of crime compared to domestic violence and impregnating a child. that argument is ugly and a good reason why ned rarely ever disagreed with robert like that. condemning jaime is easier because ned has no emotional attachment to him. robert is practically the only other brother ned has left.

Ned's mouth tightened in anger. "Nor will I. Leave it be, Robert, for the love you say you bear me. I dishonored myself and I dishonored Catelyn, in the sight of gods and men."

with sansa, she barely spent time with joffrey before his true colours came out and her direwolf died. ned had many years of friendship with robert. it was far easier for sansa to hate joffrey than it is for ned. this is the core conflict of ned's chapters- not the murder mystery or even the starks vs lannister set up. it's robert.

i also think like sansa, ned was heading to a point of cutting ties with robert.

For a moment Robert did not seem to understand what Ned was saying. Defiance was not a dish he tasted often. Slowly his face changed as comprehension came.

"I wish him every success." Ned unfastened the heavy clasp that clutched at the folds of his cloak, the ornate silver hand that was his badge of office. He laid it on the table in front of the king, saddened by the memory of the man who had pinned it on him, the friend he had loved. "I thought you a better man than this, Robert. I thought we had made a nobler king." Robert's face was purple. "Out," he croaked, choking on his rage. "Out, damn you, I'm done with you. What are you waiting for? Go, run back to Winterfell. And make certain I never look on your face again, or I swear, I'll have your head on a spike!"

its kind of interesting how the circumstances keep ned in king's landing and around robert even as ned's getting closer to truly leaving him behind. meanwhile sansa does get to leave joffrey behind very quickly. everything ned gets close to doing, his daughter ends up doing it.

[violettelueur]

— JUJUTSU KAISEN EPISODE EIGHT || BOREDOM

↳ featuring : fushiguro megumi + kugisaki nobara + gojo satoru + zenin maki + inumaki toge + panda + aoi todo + zenin mai + miwa kasumi + gakuganji yoshinobu (mentions of itadori yuji + ieiri shoko) from jujutsu kaisen

↳ warnings : mention of violence + EXTREME grammar issues

↳ form : story

↳ published : 02 march

↳ pronouns : she/her

↳ word count : 5.8k

↳ synopsis : within the jujutsu world, there were three famous clans to be aware of, the Kamo clan, Zenin clan and the Gojo clan. However, unknown to many sorcerers there was one last family that was known to be apart of the three, only for them to disappear after the golden era leading some to speculate that they had died in battle after the sealing of ryomen sukuna, but....

↳ previous episode : assault 

↳ next episode : small fry and reverse retribution

↳ barista’s notes : hi there everyone! right now i know i haven’t been the most active i have been but i really thankful on how patient you all are ʕ •ᴥ•ʔゝ☆ my procrastination has reach a new all time high since my birthday is on saturday and i am dreading becoming 18 because that means i will be a legal adult and i also have exams soon...ʕ ㅇ ᴥ ㅇʔ moving on from that, i hope you all enjoys today’s episode!

BEFORE READING, I NEED YOU TO BE AWARE OF THIS:

1. the whole story belongs to Gege Akutami and the credits go to them and them only.

2. the spell curses used belong to Tite Kubo due to them being the ‘Kidos’ being used on the manga and anime ‘Bleach’ - but none is mentioned in this chapter.

2.5 for the ‘cursed spells’/kidos (bleach) i will link this video here and tell you the time stamp to check out what i am intending to show - remember i add a few twist here and there by adding the katana to link with Y/N’s cursed technique

no cursed spells used this episode... 

but the little flick that Y/N does is inspired from this video here

3. if you are confused on anything, please don’t hesitate to message me since i know this whole thing is so confusing.

“You really need to stop with your assaults Gojo,” Fushiguro stated, as he pressed his index and middle finger on the middle of his forehead, as he remembered the pain that came along with your flick as well as complaining about the side head slap he had gained from you.

“Nah, you just got to stop asking stupid questions Fushiguro,” you commented back before asking Kugisaki want she was planning to get.

‘So make sure you’re not alone in this world like I am Y/N, I want you to be happy even when we’re both stuck with this burden!’

‘I’m trying mother,’ you thought, as you tightly gripped your phone that was still in your pocket.

                                              ꕥ

“I never really thought you were the type that would go to the beach,” you commented, as you leisurely walked towards the calm ocean with a pair of arms wrapped around yours (that was holding your shoes) since your mother wanted to walk side by side with you to enjoy this tranquil moment together.

“I never thought that about myself either, but it’s better to be surprised then going back to the city again, is it not?” your mother asked with a let out a gentle laugh before instantly halting the moment you both felt the warm water covering your bare feet.

“I guess so,” you stated before using your other arm to partly cover your face due to the sunlight brightly blinding your eyes. However, it seemed like where your mother was standing wasn’t causing her too much irritation - maybe it wasn't as bright from where she was.

Currently, it was sunset at Tatadohama beach - to which surprised you that there weren’t as many people as you thought - where your mother had taken you since she thought you both deserved a bit of a break before you could go back to school since it was the summer break and to be honest, you needed it since you and your mother just came back from a job of exorcising a grade-one curse while trying to escape the scene before any other jujutsu sorcerers came.

“You look beautiful though, your mother has good taste doesn’t she?” your mother teasingly asked in a rhetorical manner, as she took her time to observe you rather than the sunset that was in front of her. Right now, you were some simple jean shorts that were somewhat quite large letting the gentle breeze cool you down leading you to fasten a black belt with a silver buckle which tucked in a simple short-sleeved oversized white button-up shirt that was loose, so you wouldn’t feel tight around your upper body as well as dressing for the warm weather that was approaching.

“It is quite plain, but it’s simple and cute,” you commented, as you peered down at your mother’s clothing choices before looking back up to view the beautiful setting in front of you, as your mother smiled gently before placing her head on your shoulder.

“Promise me that you’ll be okay,” your mother suddenly uttered quietly, leading you to give off a confused look before turning your head down slightly only to discover a small smile on her face with softened eyes as if she was relishing the moment with you.

“You’re acting like you're going to die tomorrow,” you comedically commented, leading your mother to laugh at your statement which caused you to giggle slightly since your mother’s laugh was always contagious when you were with her. Taking a deep breath in to calm down, your mother slowly calmed down before lifting her head up as she sighed.

“Well, anything can happen and I want your word that you will do anything to be safe,” your mother expanded on her previous statement, causing you to turn to her to look at her in the eye, trying to see and understand what your mother really wanted you to know before you nodded at her with a small smile.

“I promise mother” 

                                               ꕥ

“Oi Y/N, wake up”

Slowly opening your eyes, you slowly blinks a few times as you try to get a clearer view from what you were looking at before steadily realising that you were at the track field where you were training with the rest of the students.

Shifting your eyes to look up slightly, only to discover all the upperclassmen looking down at you with the tree leaves covering you from the sunlight that was beaming down right now.

‘Oh...that’s right, I’m at Jujutsu Tech’

“Sorry for making you fight with all of us, I bet you were exhausted, but we need you to check up on Megumi and Nobara since they went to do some errands,” Panda expressed with hands pressed together as a sign of forgiveness.

“Kelp,” Inumaki commented as if affirming Panda’s statement leading you to sit up slowly before stretching your arms to get read of the stiffness that was consuming them before taking in Zenin’s outstretched arm to help you up - something you both been doing for quite some time during the week - before picking up the black track top of brought out for today’s training that you were laying on top of.

“Sorry for sleeping, where are they?” you asked, as you covered your mouth to yawn since you didn’t want to seem rude to your second-year seniors.

“They should be getting a few drinks for themselves and us from the vending machines, they didn’t want to wake you up, but we knew they probably need some help remembering what we want,” Zenin answered, as she used her thumb to point behind her the direction you needed to take.

“Sorry, I’ll get going then,” you commented before tying the track top around your waist before picking up your black katana since you didn’t want to leave it alone before waving at them when you were beginning to head off.

“I’ll see you guys later,” you mentioned before Inuamki shouted ‘Salmon’ back at you before you swiftly made your way up the stone steps to find both your classmates Fushiguro and Kugisaki to get the drinks that the other wanted since you knew that they’ll probably both forget or take too long for your senior’s liking.

“I’m surprised she can still run after all those practice matches,” Panda stated, as he continued to stare at the direction that you headed out in.

“She’s strong, there is no surprise Gojo has taken her into his family and out of training to take some missions,” Zenin commented before continuing with, “she comes back really quickly to resume training with us,”.

“Mustard leaf,” Inumaki mentioned, as he nodded at his classmate’s remark about you before all of the second years went off for their walk, as they gave you time to run your errands before coming back to the field to train for the Kyoto Sister-School Goodwill Event.

                                               ꕥ

Looking at her drinks in front of her, Kugisaki was disappointed at the lack of variety that the machines had as she groaned in annoyance before pressing her choice of the cold drink she wanted before checking to make sure there was orange juice in the vending machine since she knew you would want some when she got back to you.

“Couldn’t they put in a few more vending machines?” Kugisaki asked in an irritated tone, as she bent down to collect her drink from the takeout port before turning around to look at her classmate, who was standing behind her.

“They can’t. There are only so many workers who can come in here,” Fushiguro answered, as he turned to look at her only for the female to turn back around to place more money into the coin slot. “What else are you buying?” Fushiguro asked since he knew that Kugisaki as well as himself didn’t know what the upperclassmen wanted - that was usually your job.

“Gojo really likes orange juice, so I wanted to buy her some since she did train with all of us, I bet she’s still sleeping,” Kugisaki commented before contemplating if you wanted to bottle or carton version of the citrus juice since she didn’t know if you always bought the carton one on purpose.

However, before she could come to the conclusion on what you probably wanted, she noticed from the corner of her eye that there were two people standing at the other side of the outdoor hallway they were at. From what she can observe, it seemed like those two people were from Jujutsu Tech due to their uniforms as the male had what seemed to be an angry expression while the other student - who looked similar to Zenin Maki - had a sly smile on her face.

“What are you doing here, Zenin-senpai?” Fushiguro asked in confusion since he wasn’t expecting anyone from Kyoto Metropolitan Curse Technical College to come to their side.

“Oh, she’s one, too?” Kugisaki queried while turning her head to look at Fushiguro before continuing with, “They do seem similar, are they sisters?” as she turned back to look at the female student to get a closer look at her.

“They’re twins,” Fushiguro answered quickly.

“Don’t call me that, Fushiguro-kun. You make me sound the same as Maki, call me Mai,” Mai stated, as she gave the two Tokyo students a wink.

“So there are the pinch hitters for Okkotsu and the third-years?” the male student stated with a hostile tone while glaring at them with a look of pure disappointment.

“We came here with the principal because we were worried about you. Your classmate died, right? Was that rough? Or did you think nothing of it?” Mai asked with the smirk still painted on her face, leading Fushiguro and Kugisaki to tense at her sudden but somewhat offensive questions.

“What are you trying to say?” Fushiguro asked tensely, as he suddenly felt a slight bit of annoyance building up in his stomach.

“It’s okay, some things are hard to say out loud, so I’ll say it for you,” Mai amusingly stated before proceeding, “‘Vessel’ makes it sound nice, but it means he was a half-curse monster. Having such a tainted, inhuman being beside you brazenly calling himself a jujutsu sorcerer must have been revolting right? Aren’t you feeling better now that he’s dead?”. However, her questions only lead to extremely vexed expressions appearing on both of the Tyoko student’s faces.

“Mai, don’t bring up such pointless topics, I’m only here to see if these guys are fit to take Okkotsu’s place, that’s all I want to know,” the large male declared as he took a few steps forwards before throwing his school jacket to the side, leading to the shikigami sorcerer to tense up once again as he began to worry what was about to happen.

“Fushiguro, was it?” the large male asked before shouting in a proud manner…

“What kind of woman is your type?”

Suddenly perplexed, Fushiguro as well as Kugisaki, shifted their heads to the side simultaneously to convey their unexpected confusion to the two Tokyo students especially to the male that had just asked the weird as well as absurd question.

“Depending on your answer, I’ll beat you half to death right here and drag Okkotsu, or at least the third-years, out to the exchange event,” the large Kyoto student threatened as he processed to unexpectedly and violently ripped his purple shirt into shreds, showcasing his large muscular upper body before positioning himself in his usual fighting stance as he then suddenly announced, “by the way, my type is a tall woman with a big ass!”.

“Why do I have to talk about my taste in women with a guy I just met?” Fushiguro annoyingly asked as he began to express an irritated expression on his face at the Kyoto student that suddenly declared a fight out of nowhere.

“He’s right. That’s a tall hurdle for an antisocial guy,” Kugisaki unintentionally comedically commented, as she pointed at her stoic classmate, leading Fushiguro to express a more vexed expression.

“You be quiet. This is confusing enough already. You’ll just make it more complicated,” Fushiguro mentioned as an irked mark became more visible on his right cheek, displaying his displeasure on what was happening right now.

“Kyoto, third-year, Todo Aoi,” the Kyoto Tech sorcerer introduced himself. “Introduction over,” Todo announced as he then continued by saying, “now we’re friends. Hurry up and answer, if you prefer men, that’s fine too,”.

“A person’s fetishes reflect everything about them,” Todo explained, indicating the reason why he was asking his laughable question in the first place. “People with boring taste in women are boring people themselves,” Todo passionately proclaimed, as if he was presenting a speech to the whole of Japan at this moment in time before he exclaimed, “I hate boring men.”

“And I hate drags like you”

Turning his head slightly to view what was going on behind him, Todo managed to get a glimpse of a person that was right behind his school mate. A female standing with her hands in her pockets with what seemed to be a katana hanging horizontally unlike Okkotsu, who had his vertically, with a nonchalant expression painted on her face.

“Also your drag ass friend, she has quite a big mouth for a Grade three sorcerer from what I can sense, is this what I’m really fighting against Fushiguro?” you asked before you started to walk past the other sorcerer as you made your way to the vending machine to grab the drinks that the second-years usually requested when they made you run errands during a break from training.

“Gojo! You’re awake?” Kugisaki asked as she smiled at you before quickly mentioning there was money already in the machine since she was planning to get you your drink.

“You heard everything?” Fushiguro questioned as he turned his view to you, only to discover you pressing on the button that correlated to the carton of orange juice as you mentioned to Kugisaki that you were going to pay her back before turning your head to look at your other classmate.

“Yeah, I heard everything. You guys are loud and to be honest, both of them need to shut up, they’re such drags,” you muttered disrespectfully since you could tell they were at least a year or two years above you in the academic year.

However, it seemed like your insult didn’t stop Todo from explaining his passion for people’s preferences in a partner as he continued to declare his speech with pride, much to your complete dismay.

“As I was saying, the exchange event is where my soul can be free as blood boils and flesh clashes, who knows what I might do if my last exchange event ends up boring me?” Todo rhetorically questioned as he maintained his fighting stance as if he was ready to pounce within a  second with a confident smile on his face.

‘Shut up...I have to meet with Gojo-sensei later and I don’t want a massive headache to come in before it becomes worse when I see him’

“Hey, aren’t the Jujutsu Tech schools four-year schools?” Kugisaki asked in an unsure manner as she turned to look at Fushiguro since she was trying to take note from you on what drinks to buy in case you weren’t able to for the seniors. However, she was confused about why Todo mentioned that this was going to be his last exchange event when he was a thrid-year.

“Only third-years and under can join the exchange event,” Fushiguro quickly answered Kugisaki’s question as she then let out an understandable ‘Hmm’ to inform her classmate that she acknowledged what he had just told her before swiftly turning back to notice that you had brought a cold water bottle for what seemed to be for Zenin (Maki) since you and her were looking at your phone to see a note displayed on the screen.

“As a show of kindness, I’ll let you off only half-dead right now,” Todo threatened again before repeating the weird question that instinctively started this whole situation, “answer me, Fushiguro. What kind of woman is your type?”

“Is this some kind of comedy routine?” the shikigami user angrily asked, as he increasingly got annoyed at what was happening right now and was confused on why he was picked in the first place.

“Don’t get into a fight, I seriously can’t be bothered to use any reverse cursed technique to heal your wounds if you do and we need to get back to training soon,” you stated before pressing on the last button for the last drink that was needed to be given for Inumaki when you get back.

However, it seemed as if both of your classmates didn’t listen to you since Kugisaki was now observing the other student behind Todo due to her uniform. “Is that your summer uniform?” Kugisaki asked in a light tone, as she admired the outfit before continuing with “ticks me off, but it’s nice”.

“Are you both even listening?” you muttered in annoyance before grabbing the small bag - that you kept from the time you went to your mother’s grave - in the pocket of your nylon cargo pants to place the drinks after you had got them from the dispenser since you didn't want to struggle to carry them.

Looking to his side, Fushiguro looked at his classmate as he began to analyse the situation that was currently going on. From what he could gather, Kugisaki was unarmed and didn’t have her usual hammer with her like she normally did meaning he was wanting to avoid any confrontation that could happen at this moment in time, while you were armed with your usual katana, yet he didn’t want to risk you revealing your true identity to the Kyoto students - not like he really had to worry about that.

‘Not forgiving people isn’t a bad thing. That’s just part of your kindness, isn’t it?’

That’s what his sister said to him once.

“I don’t have a particular preference, as long as she has unshakeable character, I won’t ask for more,” Fushiguro answered, to which you were surprised since you predicted that he wasn’t the type to reveal that sort of information. On the other hand, it seemed like Mai was pleased with the answer as she smiled sweetly at the boy causing you to shudder.

‘Ain’t...they like….family…?’

“Not a bad answer, if you had said something like ‘big boobs,’ I’d have killed you,” Kugisaki mentioned with a please expression on her face since she was relieved at the fact Fushiguro wasn’t suggestive like the Kyoto student in front of you three right now.

“Shut up,” Fushiguro muttered in an irritated tone.

However, it seemed like not everyone was pleased with his answer, as a tear was shed on a cheek.

“I knew it...You’re boring, Fushiguro,” Todo stated in a depressed manner before swiftly pushing himself to swing Fushiguro violently outside the hallway you were standing.

“DIDN’T I SAY NOT TO GET INTO FIGHTS, YOU DRAG?!” you screamed, as you turned your head to the direction where Fushiguro was struck away.

“FUSHIGURO!” Kugisaki panicked as she began to rush to his aid before a pair of arms was wrapped around her to halt her movement.

“Poor Fushiguro-kun, even a talented second-grade jujutsu sorcerer is nothing more than a first-year against the top-grade Todo-senpai, I’ll have to comfort him later,” Mai expressed with a sickly-sweet tone. However, you already had something to say.

“That may be true, but your Todo-senpai is nothing against a special-grade,” you mentioned with a smirk on your face, causing the female sorcerer to look towards you with widened eyes before suddenly remembering what Kugisaki called you by.

“Gojo…” Mai stuttered.

“Gojo, I’m okay! Just make sure Fushiguro is,” Kugisaki said to you with a proud smile on her face, causing you to drop the bag that you had in hand before quickly untying the red charm that was at the end of your katana.

‘I don’t need to unsheathe my katana, but I can’t use any of my curse spells to restrain him, so the chain will have to do’

“Hold this for me!” you shouted as you swiftly tossed the charm in her direction to which she caught easily since her arms still had movement before you rushed towards the scene where Fushiguro and Todo was.

‘This is such a drag right now…’ you thought, as you made it outside to find Fushiguro kneeling on the ground with a few new scratches on his face as well as his now stained blue track. However, it seemed as if Todo wasn’t done with his first attack since he was talking towards the Tokyo student like he was his prey.

On the other hand, you didn’t seem to care as you looked at him with an annoyed expression - even though you knew it wasn’t his fault. “Didn’t I say not to get into any fights? I can’t be bothered to use any reversed cursed techniques right now and I don’t want to bother Shoko-san since I need to train with her to know how to use it properly!” you raged, yet once again, it seemed like both of the male sorcerer’s weren’t listening to you.

“I knew at first glance that you were a boring guy, but you shouldn’t judge a person by their looks, right?” Todo questioned rhetorically again, causing the flames of rage to increase inside your soul since this situation was getting a little too similar to the one back at the detention centre.

“So I went out of my way to ask you, but you just trampled on my kindness,” Todo whined with a pout on his face while wiping the dripping tears that continued to fall.

“Is your brain as pineapple as your head?” Fushiguro insulted, as he gave the senior a weirded-out look.

“You’re the one to talk, hedgehog!” you screamed in annoyance since you were getting frustrated at the fact that no one was listening to you.

“I heard you don’t use cursed techniques.” Fushiguro randomly mentioned as he got up on his feet causing you to look at him with a death glare as well as suddenly being curious about what he meant by ‘don’t use cursed techniques’.

“Huh? Oh, that’s rumour’s false, I used them against the special-grade,” Todo plainly stated like it was an everyday face before raising his arm to wave his hand side to side as if to ‘slap’ away the rumours that were going on about him before continuing with, “but I heard rumours going around about a girl that went toe-to-toe with Sukuna, she was fighting with you right? Where is she?”

‘MAYBE THE GIRL THAT IS BEHIND YOU, SHOUTING AT YOU DRAGS!’

“That’s a relief to hear!” Fushiguro declared as if he was confident, causing you to look at him enraged with fury.

“THAT IS NOT A RELIEF TO HEAR, YOU DRAG!” you screamed, as you were now handing on an extremely thin piece of thread that was going to snap any second, leading you to attack both of them if this got out of hand.

However, once again, Fushiguro and Todo didn’t listen to you for one second as the shikigami sorcerer began to signal his shikigami to appear with the familiar hand-sign of ‘Nue’ back with you fought with him against Sukuna and ‘Gama’ from when you were training with him - yet, you were completely perplexed on what he had combined when both together.

Suddenly, a familiar shadow began to swiftly emerge from the ground before it suddenly took form into something you didn’t really expect from the Ten-Shadow Technique sorcerer.

“Frogs with wings?” you muttered, as you stared at the sight in complete surprise since you didn’t expect to see a few frogs with wings appearing in front of you - you never thought you see something like this in your life, to be honest.

“Bottomless Well!” Fushiguro chanted before a few of the frogs croaked in response causing you to stare that the creature in a now unreadable expression.

‘They will be weaker than their counterpart shikigami but they do have many benefits....didn’t Gojo-sensei mention something about the Kamo’s family?’

On the other hand, it seemed like your future opponent in the exchange event didn’t seem so nervous about the technique. Of course, from what you remembered from training as well as some knowledge that you had gained just from seeing one movement from Todo, you had come to the conclusion that he was a close-range fighter, probably had some experience with weapons since it would be foolish if a fighter didn’t have any sense it was a risk of them just having knowledge with their hands.

However, before you could even continue to gain more knowledge just by looking at the back of the well muscular sorcerer, there was a quick shift in the air causing you to snap out of your trance only to find Todo behind suddenly behind Fushiguro as he processed to wrap his arms around your classmate’s waist.

“Flimsy and shallow...Both your body and your taste in women!” Todo shouted before lifting Fushiguro upwards like he weighed nothing before aggressively smashing his headfirst into the ground behind him, causing you to discover how flexible the Kyoto student was before he suddenly jumped up into the air to give his opponent a punch, only for Fushiguro to dodge just in time, yet that didn’t seem to last since the second he moved away to gain some distance, he was violently smacked with a fist.

“Fushiguro!” you shouted, before quickly forcing the soles of your sheet to push your body forward to an extreme length, just in time to get in between both of the male sorcerers that were fully ignoring you since the moment you entered into the conversation to grab the drinks.

“Gojo!” Fushiguro yelled out in a panic since he was extremely worried that you were now taking a hit for him.

However, it seemed like Todo was now suddenly the one that was worried since his incoming punch seemed to hit something really small since it didn’t cover all his knuckles, yet it didn’t break like he thought it would, causing him to let the debris slowly clear away as his eyes began to notice the sight of a sleek black wooden scabbard standing vertically from the ground halting his extremely large fist, while you were kneeling down behind it, holding the handle with an extremely displeased look on your face with Fushiguro behind you as your other hand had a grip on the collar of his blue track jacket.

“You know Fushiguro, you are full of surprises but a complete drag when it comes to not listening to me,” you muttered, before slowly letting go of his collar as your turned your now free hand to face Kyoto Student in front of you, who was looking down at you with a shocked expression on his face.

“Todo Aoi right? You see, Gojo-sensei asked me to meet up with him and I don’t want a headache since I know he’s gonna give me one later, so I’ll see you later okay?” you sinisterly stated, before opening your palm to him as you slowly bend your middle finger towards you while placing your thumb on top of it, right on the nail.

“That looks like a nice construction sight,” you nonchalantly mentioned as you looked up at the wooden structure behind you before speedily flicking out your middle finger, causing Todo’s body to suddenly be pushed back with an extremely large force of cursed energy leading to the wooden panels to instantly break once his body made contact before you assumed his body landed on the wooden flooring that was above since you couldn’t see him anymore.

“Gojo…” Fushiguro muttered in shock as he didn’t expect something like that to happen before he noticed the same hand that flicked his opponent away was coming towards him with the same gesture. 

Flicking his forehead gently, you turned to look at him with a straight face before you used the same palm to let your cursed energy become slowly positive with some concentration to heal his wound that was on his head.

“It’s not much since I haven’t perfected it yet, but it will deal with the blood loss before you go to Shoko-san, you drag” you commented before sighing.

‘There was no need for me to remove the charm after all, but that’s enough for me to gain information for the event’

“Megumi! Y/N!” someone shouted, causing you both to look up only to find your second-year seniors Inumaki and Panda looking down below you to where you remembered flicking Todo towards, leading you to assume that they went to where there was the most ruckus was happening. However, next to Panda was Todo, who smirked down at the sight of both of you below.

“Fushiguro, let’s train our hardest okay?” you muttered, so only your classmate could hear, leading him to look at your with confused eyes before you turned to him with a smile, “you’re really strong, but I know you and Kugisaki can get stronger, so just follow me when I need you to okay?” you asked, before standing up on your feet once you managed to stop the blood loss from Fushiguro’s head.

“Panda-senpai! Inumaki-senpai! Can you take Fushiguro to Shoko-san, Gojo-sensei said he needs me for a discussion, I assume Maki-san is with Kugisaki!” you yell out.

“Salmon!” Inuamki shouted back before all of the three sorcerers were out of your sights, causing you to turn back to Fushiguro before giving your hand to him to help himself up.

‘Grade-one Todo Aoi and grade-three Zenin Mai ha?’

                                          ꕥ

“Ah Y/N, my daughter there you are!” Gojo cheered in delight once he saw you on the other side of the sliding door before you decided to step in since it was left open, to who you assumed was your adoptive dad that opened it earlier for his own reason.

“Excuse me,” you muttered before taking a quick glance around the room before noticing that there were only two more people with you and Gojo right now. From a side glance, you noticed a girl, probably the same age as you or maybe a year older at the latest, with long blue hair with a slightly slanted fridge wearing a suit that seemed to suit her really well even if her youthful and adorable face. 

‘A semi grade two? No..maybe three like Mai…’

However, as your eyes shifted to the sight on the opposite side where Gojo was seated, there was an old man seated while holding onto a wooden cane, who seemed to be somewhere in his late 80s but you wouldn’t tell since he seemed too hollow for you liking, yet something about him gave you an off-putting feeling.

“I wanted to tell you about the two special-grade curses that attacked me the other day,” Gojo happily mentioned with a smile on his face, causing you to look at him with a confused expression since he seemed too happy for someone that got attacked.

“Why do you look so happy? That should be the opposite reaction Gojo-sensei,” you remarked, as you made your way towards him only for his response to be a little pout.

“How many times do I have to tell you? You can call me your dad,” Gojo childishly whined.

“Never,” you shut down his offer as quickly as you could before uttering him to tell you about the special curses he wanted to inform you about, only for him to suddenly pull out a piece of paper with two childish drawings on them, causing you to look at the art in a fed-up manner before snatching it off his hand to get a closer look at the curses that he masterfully drew.

“As I said before, the two cursed spirits were capable of communication and they probably have allies who are just as strong,” Gojo declared in a serious manner, causing you to shiver at the 180-degree personality turn that he had done right in front of you. 

“It’s not just our enemies, either. Hakari, Okkotsu, your Todo and now my daughter Gojo. The level of our students has risen drastically in recent years, as well,” Gojo stated as he stared at the old man before he processed with, “then there was last year’s incident with Geto Suguru and now, the appearance of Sukuna’s vessel,”.

“What are you trying to say?” the old man asked, as he looked at your adoptive father with an expressionless look on his face (not that you could ever tell if there was any expression in the first place).

“Hehe, you don’t know? The wave of power you guys have been trying to hold back with your pointless status and traditions has grown bigger than you can handle and is now descending upon us. You won’t be able to measure the coming age with the classification of ‘special grade’ if you think I’m the only one who’ll be fighting back, you’re going to get hurt, old man,” Gojo declared with a smirk on his face as he felt the presence of the realisation that was coming to you now.

‘That man...was the reason why…..Itadori….’

“I think you are getting a bit out of line,” the old man lightly threatened in a lower tone as he glared at the sorcerer in front of him.

“I think it’s you that’s getting out of line,” you muttered in vexation as you glared down hostility at the man sitting on the opposite side of the table as the paper that you were holding began to crumble in your grasp. “If you get to kill someone by using me as a tool, let me return the favour next time with your head,” you threatened in a spiteful manner causing the old man to look at you with the same hollow eyes as he did with Gojo.

“Oh! Scary! Well, that's all I wanted to say, I’ll be going now with my daughter,” Gojo mentioned, as he got up from his seat before placing his hands on each of your upper arms to push you towards the direction of the door, before guiding himself through that gap that was left open.

“Oh, Principal Yaga will be coming in about two hours. Later!” Gojo departed cheekily, before closing the door as he then guided you away from the room the higher-up was in since he knew you were in a state of shock at the discovery you had made about your deceased classmate: Itadori Yuji.

‘Those higher-ups are so useless, all they do is command other sorcerers to do their dirty work while acting if they are superior dear. If I could, I would kill all of them’

‘Mother….’

© violettelueur 2021 : written and published by violettelueur - do not steal or repost

[happilyhertale]

Long Last Love - Aemond Targaryen x female!reader, Part 4

Summary: You are finally engaged to Aemond Targaryen. As the daughter of Daemon and Rhaenyra, you will now live in King's Landing and no longer on Dragonstone. Your marriage to Aemond is imminent, as is your life together. The relationship between Aemond and your family has never been particularly easy, but the future will show whether your love will withstand this and subsequent tensions.

Pairing: Aemond Targaryen x fem!reader

Warnings: In some parts Smut (uncle/niece) as well as violence

Author’s note: Hey you (:

This is the follow-up story to "Long Lost Love".

The story starts just before the wedding of Aemond and y/n and goes over the events of the first season hotd. However, the events are not quite similar to those in the series. English is my second language, please forgive me if I made any mistakes (: For this part I had to translate a few sentences into High Valyrian. I used a website for this, if it's not correct, sorry!

Word count: 4k

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

The sun is high in the sky, only small, light clouds adorn the blue sky beside it. You let your gaze wander as you stand on your balcony. The sun's rays lightly warm your face while you are lost in thought.

You are pulled out of your thoughts when you feel arms wrap around you. Or at least they try to. Your big belly is in the way, but the hands gently wrap around your belly and caress it tenderly.

Gently Aemond lets his nose wander over the side of your face, "My Queen..." you hear him whisper. You smile.

You are expecting your first child. It will be the third child to walk through these walls. Helaena and Aegon have already had twins, Jaehaera and Jaehaerys. You love the little ones. They're sweet and reserved, like Helaena. And especially now that you're heavily pregnant and happy to sit anywhere, you sit with Helaena for hours while the little ones play around you. And the little ones have also become so used to your presence that they are almost tearful when you don't sit with them. Little Jaehaera likes to sit by your side and show you different flowers that she has collected in the gardens with Helaena's help. She likes to put the flowers on your belly, making sure that the flowers are ordered by colour and size. As she does this, she tells the baby, as best she can, what the flowers look like that are currently on your belly. She is a clever little girl and it makes you smile every time you watch her.

It actually took you a while to get pregnant. The talk among the servants was already getting loud. At first they said you didn't find Aemond attractive enough to sleep with him. When Aemond tried to counter that, he made you moan so much at night that his name echoed throughout the Red Keep. But then they needed another explanation. Soon after, you heard talk about not being fertile.... When you heard this, you could only shake your head, but Aemond became angry. In his anger you stopped him, because after all, according to the servants, you were always to blame and it would not have made any difference if he had given free rein to his anger.

But what they didn't know was that you didn't want to get pregnant right away, but wanted to enjoy some more time with Aemond. And thank the gods, Aemond is very well-read, even when it comes to female nature. And so he also got hold of scriptures about how and when a woman can become pregnant. Therefore, at times when you desired him more than you otherwise would have, you took special care that he did not pour his seed into you. To your surprise, this worked for a while, but when you realised you were pregnant, you were overcome with a joy you had never felt before.

Immediately you noticed that something was not normal. At first you thought you had just eaten something bad because you were overcome by a persistent nausea. But Aemond also drew your attention to the fact that your breasts had become larger. When the second moon passed and you still didn't bleed, it was clear to you. You were pregnant.

But you didn't want to just tell Aemond, you wanted it to be special. So you made your way to the kitchen. You let the servants know that you were going to have your dinner in your chambers and that you had special requests for it.

Everything you eat for the evening must be small in size. So baby vegetables, like small carrots, small broccoli florets, small corn on the cob and so on. Also, there should only be small fillets and small breads.

That got you a few funny looks, but they fulfilled your wishes.

Then at noon you intercepted Aemond, gave him many kisses on the lips and told him that in the evening you would like to have dinner with him alone in your chambers. He just smirked at you and was delighted, of course, because he had something naughty in mind.

When Aemond came to your chambers in the evening, it was not long before dinner arrived. But at first Aemond did not notice the effort you had made. He was sitting next to you at the table, had just come from the training ground and was hungry. He filled his plate with various vegetables and pieces of fillet. Lively conversations filled your rooms until at some point he looked at his plate, "Did we actually only get leftovers to eat today? Why is the food so small... Don't they know that I train every day?"

You had to stifle a grin and bit your lips to help yourself.

He looked at you, "What? What's so funny?"

You let your gaze wander to his plate, "Look again closely"

His gaze slowly wandered down, "Small carrots.... Baby corncobs, small broccoli.... Even the meat is small! Just like for babies... But I doubt even a baby could get full of it..."

He slowly looked up at you and saw you grinning, "Are you with child...?" he whispers. You nodded and tears came to your eyes. Aemond jumped up and hugged you hastily.

You hadn't expected that and so you both slide off the chair. He let you fall on top of him and kissed you continuously, you started laughing, "Aemond! Stop it!" you giggled.

"My dear wife... My Love! Now I won't leave your side for a second.... You produce new life... our child..." He continued to kiss you.

Aemond spent the rest of the evening with you in your shared chambers. He was supposed to attend a council meeting to be introduced to the assumption of royal duties. But when the servant came to tell him that the council was waiting for him, he simply sent him away. Instead, he caressed you for hours, which led to you finally making passionate love to each other.

A soft "mmmhm", which sounds next to your ear, brings you back to reality. You turn your head to Aemond, he smiles.

"A penny for your thoughts," rings in your ears. You just chuckle softly.

Then you hear him whisper, "A girl would be nice".

You giggle softly, "You don't want a boy?"

He presses his nose further into the crook of your neck, "I am satisfied with everything... Whether it's a boy or a girl... But the thought that I could father something as tender as you... that would be lovely... "

Again you giggle, "I don't know if that's so tender in me.... it kicks all the time"

He kisses your neck, "Our girl has the temperament of a dragon... I feel we're having a girl"

You shake your head slightly, "Mhmm I don't think so.... something so restless can't be a delicate little girl."

He chuckles.

During your entire pregnancy, Aemond took care of you and hardly let you out of his sight. But you have a guilty conscience about it. You didn't want him to struggle with his royal duties and then feel obliged to be by your side all the time. You wanted to give him a few quiet hours when he didn't have to be by your side all the time. Another reason why you like to sit with Helaena and the little ones.

In doing so, he would not tell you that he likes to be by your side and literally watch your belly grow. He still likes it best when you are in your shared chambers.

His favourite thing is to caress your belly while you are surrounded by a mountain of pillows. He lies next to you and talks to your belly. Sometimes he brings in a book to do this. It lies on his lap while he reads to you and the child. But sometimes he just makes up stories about dragons and battles, and makes you laugh with elaborate and illogical endings.

But it also happens that when the baby seems restless in the evening and is constantly kicking, he talks to the baby in High Valyrian. You point out to him that it is not relevant whether he talks to the baby in High Valyrian or not. But he justifies himself by saying that he feels it makes the baby calmer and he wants it to get used to the sound. And even when he speaks softly, you can hear him whispering to your belly that there is no reason for all the kicking and that it shouldn't stress his pretty mother so much. Then, even more quietly, he whispers that he can hardly wait for it to come into the world, it seems as if you are not supposed to hear that. But of course you hear all of it and you just smile and lovingly stroke his soft hair as you listen to his murmurings.

However, your pregnancy does not only bring such pleasant moments. Aemond is always by your side and tries to keep every possible unpleasantness away from you, but that doesn't change the fact that you are now fat and ugly. Once called the most beautiful princess in the entire realm, you now feel like some fat lord who would only drink and eat. Only the missing beard on your face would make the difference visible. At least that's how you feel. Since a few moons have passed and you have already gone through most of your pregnancy, you are convinced that your belly has a life of its own. Judging by the size and movements inside.

You never saw it as necessary to have a lady-in-waiting by your side. You have always been able to take care of yourself. But now you have to admit to yourself that you need help. Your belly is the size of a dragon's head. Of Balerion, to be precise.

Alicent immediately had new dresses made for you when your dress suddenly tore at the seam on the side of the dress at dinner. You were startled and could only look at Aemond in panic.

Aemond didn't hesitate for a second and immediately put his leather waistcoat on you. Still shocked, you sat there, unable to move at first. Aemond, however, carefully helped you up and was about to lead you to your chambers when Aegon's voice rang out, "Brother... now let us at least see something beautiful at this dreary dinner".

Alicent immediately hissed Aegon's name angrily. You only tightened your grip on Aemond's arm, unable to return a sentence or at least an insult to Aegon.

"Brother, avert your gaze from my wife. I have already warned you once and I will not repeat it," Aemond replied dryly. You just hear Aegon giggle at that.

Of course, you burst into tears when you were in your shared chambers. That was proof to you that you had become fat. But Aemond, of course, was there to convince you otherwise. That a wonderful new life was growing inside you. Yet that was little consolation for you. Nevertheless, Aemond held you all night and assured you that you were not fat and that you were getting beautiful new clothes. And that was the moment you realised you needed help. The next morning you went to Alicent and asked for a lady-in-waiting to help you dress for the duration of your pregnancy, so that your belly was warm and safe. She must have guessed how hard this was for you, because she just smiled warmly and hugged you tightly.

But for Aemond you were not fat, his child was growing inside you, and every inch your belly grew was proof of your love. He desires you more every day, and it costs him great effort to keep his hands off you. Whether it is to make your aching body parts more bearable by gently massaging your neck, your back or your swollen feet, or to let his fingers do other soothing work.

But even though he's constantly trying to make you feel good, your hormones are unstoppable and this often ends in outbursts of anger, which Aemond feels most often because he's usually by your side. However, you often burst into tears shortly afterwards and apologise to him incessantly while the tears still run down your cheek.

No one has told you how exhausting pregnancy is, both physically and mentally.

But Aemond bears it bravely. He endures every tantrum stoically, only to take you in his arms afterwards, caress you and assure you that he won't leave you for a less fat or more sociable lady who doesn't go into hysterics all the time. He admires the way you put up with the discomfort of pregnancy and sees it as a small thing to put up with your tantrums. Probably also because he knows that everything that passes your lips during these tantrums is rarely meant that way.

He is just happy when you lie in bed with him in the evening and he can caress you for hours.  This has become your little ritual. Aemond no longer has any obligations in the evenings, the evenings are your time together.

Then he puts several pillows in your bed so that you can lie comfortably. He massages your feet, because they usually always hurt, or he goes in search of something edible in the Red Keep that you crave. He is doing all this so that you can at least find a few hours of sleep, because at the moment it is hard for you to find any sleep.

This time it is a knock that brings you back to reality. A soft but hurried knock, followed by a "Ñuha dārilaros? Ñuha dārilaros?" (My princess? My prince?) echoes through your chambers.

Aemond sighs, "Māzigon isse!" (Come in!)

You turn to the door and see a dragonkeeper enter, he bows his head briefly, "Ñuha dārilaros, issa nūmāzma Meraxes." (My princess, it is about Meraxes)

You stiffen, Aemond holds you in his arms, "Skoros nūmāzma zirȳla?" (What about her?)

"Issa... issa acting strangely. Ēza issare syt tubissa. Issa daor eating properly se kessa daor ivestragī anyone va zirȳla" (She… She is acting strangely. She has been for days. She's not eating properly and she won't let anyone near her.)

Aemond answers for you, "Syt tubissa sir? Se ao sagon sepār māzis bē lēda bisa sir?" (For days now? And you're just coming up with this now?)

The servant nods, "Ñuha dārilaros.... īlon... īlon gōntan daor jaelagon naejot jenigon ao lēda bisa. Yn issa becoming tolī se tolī aggressive se iksis nūmāzma naejot pykagon perzys" (My prince... we... we did not want to bother you with this.... But she is becoming more and more aggressive and is about to spit fire)

Aemond always manages to make the dragonkeepers stutter with nervousness. You lightly press your elbow into his side.

"Kirimvose syt letting nyke gīmigon. Kesan sagon va ñuha ñuhoso" (Thank you for letting me know. I will be on my way.)

Aemond looks at you incredulously. He turns to the servant, "Kostā jikagon" (You may go.)

He just bows his head and hastily leaves your chambers.

"You can't really want to go to the Dragonpit"

You look at him, he looks worried, "Why not? My dragon is in a bad way. Of course I will be by her side"

"You're heavily pregnant. You shouldn't be around a dragon who is behaving irrationally. Let me go."

"I am aware of my pregnancy. But I am not terminally ill. So I will be by her side. Because you won't be able to go near her any more than the dragonkeepers."

You kiss Aemond gently on the cheek and head for the door.

"Then at least let me come with you," you hear Aemond say.

"So you can protect me from the dragon fire?" you smile at him.

"That's not even a little bit funny," Aemond looks at you seriously. You accept his raised arm and you make your way to the Dragonpit.

It worries you that Meraxes is behaving like this. She's not aggressive, not one bit. Except she has to be, and she has to protect those she loves. But this unprovoked aggressiveness worries you. As quickly as you can, you go to the Dragonpit. The way is more strenuous than you thought and so you cling a little to Aemond's arm.

When you arrive at the Dragonpit, Meraxes notices you immediately. She is standing in a corner, alone, and that is unusual. She is a social dragon and at least always near Vhagar. But Vhagar is crouched in the opposite corner, asleep. At least that's how it seems. Meraxes looks towards you and wants to come towards you, but she suddenly falters in mid-motion. A rumbling makes itself felt in her chest and she cries out. She stops and looks at you. Aemond holds you tightly by the arm and stands half in front of you. You think it's sweet that he wants to keep you safe. He seems to really want to shield you from the dragon's flames. Not that his body could protect you from a dragon's flames. Nor would he need to protect you from Meraxes. But it's the thought that counts.

Meraxes lets her head wander, keeping an eye on everything and observing every living thing in the Dragonpit, while her tail slides back and forth menacingly. Out of the corner of your eye you see Vhagar raise his head briefly and also let out a growl. Aemond looks in Vhagar's direction and raises his hand reassuringly. Meraxes takes a few steps back and sits down, as if Vhagar has told her to calm down. Her nervousness worries you and you cautiously walk in her direction, but before you can step out from behind Aemond he holds you back, "Ȳdra daor sesīr pendagon nūmāzma ziry." (Don't even think about it)

But you shake off his arm and walk carefully towards Meraxes. She is still watching everything closely, but you are now close to her. The closer you come to her side, the calmer she becomes, until you stand at her side and gently stroke her neck. "Skoros iksis pirta ñuha riña?" (What is wrong my girl?), you say calmly to her.

She snorts, you have to smile a little and continue stroking her, letting the warmth of her body flood through you. "Gaomagon ao feel mērī?" (Do you feel alone?)

Slowly she turns her head towards you, you take a step towards her head and she gently presses it into your side.

At the same moment, her rear end moves to the side, and as you look to the side, seeing what her rear end has exposed, you gasp out, "Aemond!"

Aemond, startled by your silent scream, immediately wants to rush to you, but Meraxes moves her head menacingly in his direction and again a rumble sounds in her chest. He does not see you, for there is a huge dragon skull between you. "Y/n!" leaves his lips in near panic.

Still standing in the same spot, you whisper to her, "Sagon iā sȳz riña. Ivestragī zirȳla māzigon naejot nyke, ēza naejot jurnegon tolī se babies tolī mirre..." (Be a good girl. Let him come to me, he has to take care of the babies after all)

Her head moves in your direction again and Aemond takes a step forward. This time her head stays at your side and Aemond hurries to you. As he steps closer to you, you hear him, "Skoros iksis ziry??" (What is it??)

You smile at him, "Jurnegon.... Meraxes ēza ilagontan drōma", (Look... Meraxes has laid eggs) your hand is still gently on Meraxes.

Aemond starts to smile, his hand moves down your arm. You slowly walk towards the eggs and stroke your hand along Meraxe's body. You kneel down carefully and look at the eggs. Three eggs in the colours gold, blue and green lie there. Each egg shell shimmers in a different colour. Carefully you take the eggs, "Ñuha riña, mazeminna care hen zirȳ, okay?" (My girl, I will take care of them, okay?). Again you hear a sigh from her.

When you reach Aemond, he takes the eggs from you. You walk towards the dragonkeepers, "Ziry should sagon arlī naejot normal.  Ēza ilagontan drōma." (She should be back to normal. She has laid eggs.) you grin and present three eggs.

"Emā naejot gūrogon care hen drōma, kostilus. Skori ñuha riña iksis āzma, jaelan se kasta drōmon naejot sagon placed isse se riña's cradle" (You have to take care of the eggs, please. When my child is born, I want the blue egg to be placed in the child's cradle.)

The dragonkeepers bow their heads briefly, "Hen rhinka ñuha dārilaros" (Of course my princess). Aemond carefully hands over the eggs to the dragonkeepers.

Amond's arm is around your waist as you make your way back to your chambers. Again and again he kisses your cheek, "The blue egg for our daughter?" he asks you.

You smile at him, "Yes... I thought our son would be pleased that his father always has a Sapphir with him.... And he has a blue dragon by his side."

Aemond looks at you lovingly and gently kisses your lips.

A few weeks later, Aemond tells you at dinner in the evening that your family is coming to King's Landing. You are initially delighted until he tells you the reason for the visit. Luke's claim as heir to Driftmark is challenged by Vaemond Velaryon. Your gaze darkens and your anger is clearly visible. But just as you are about to get upset, Aegon speaks up, "Niece, what did you expect? With such a strong appearance and rather few features that scream Velaryon.... it was bound to happen." Your eyes shoot sparks in his direction and Alicent hisses "Aegon!"

Aemond squeezes your hand, knowing how hard it is for you to hold back at the moment.

You just throw your napkin on your plates and wordlessly leave the table. Aemond comes after you, having given Aegon a warning look.

As quickly as you can, you make your way to your chambers.

"My Love," you hear Aemond behind you.

He holds your arm as he reaches you, "My Love… Surely you haven't eaten enough. Let me get you some more food."

But you're too angry to even think about eating for a moment, "I can't be in the same room with Aegon for a second longer! Otherwise there's a danger that I'll sit on his face with my fat ass to suffocate him!!!"

Aemond has to suppress a smirk, "We shouldn't try that.... In the end, it could be a fetish of his..."

You give him a warning look. He just embraces you and presses you against him as far as he can, and lightly kisses the tip of your nose. "Try to see it that way... You haven't been able to see your family since our wedding... which I'm not necessarily sad about.... but they will be here again and you can spend time with them. And try not to pay attention to Aegon... as I do most of the time."

You nod slowly, "Do you know when they will arrive?"

"In about a week"

"How do you actually know they're going to come here?"

Aemond gently strokes your cheek, "My mother told me this afternoon and I asked her to let me tell you". You nod slowly and begin to smile, "Will you behave?" you ask him.

He grins slightly, "I'll do my best".

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

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[aro-is-gay-af]

The Midnight of Despair | Volturi Kings x fem!reader | Part 3

I reckon, that if you’re reading Part 3, then you know two previous ones. In case you didn’t read them yet: Part 1 | Part 2

Thank you for all warm words and praise! It means world to me. 

I also love this series, folks! I need to admit, I did get addicted to it a little, so I thought it’d be great to set updates schedule. It won’t be precise, but you can expect another part roughly in two weeks time from now. 

As per usual, sorry for any confusion and grammatical mistakes. 

Warnings: Rape (mentioned), Depression, PTSD, Forced Pregnancy, Blood

Word count: 6200

No summary this time. Also, this one has very sweet parts in it!!!

ENJOY!

The next day, you had your appointment with the doctor. A doctor was apparently a woman and you were sure the kings were paying her something extra for the visit to be immediate. Unfortunately, she didn’t know any English, as she was a local gynaecologist. Your mates didn’t want you to feel uncomfortable in any way, so before the visit, Aro asked you, who you’d like to be the translator for you.

The ideal situation would be a woman, but you didn’t trust anyone in the castle, except the kings. For this reason, your first shot was Aro, as he had already seen your memories. There was nothing that would shock him, you also didn’t need to hide anything from him and you knew, he was the best at dealing with others. You figured it’d be an ideal solution and you had to admit to yourself that you simply wanted him to accompany you.

The whole visit took place in your room, which meant a lot of carrying the necessary equipment, but more mental comfort for you. In those two days, you managed to get quite settled in and didn't want to leave the castle. You felt safe and secured in your suite. Kings seemed to notice that, as it was Marcus, who proposed, it would be a great idea to have an appointment without the need of leaving your room.

While you both were waiting for the doctor to come, it was the first time you had seen Aro with brown eyes. He looked really out of place. You shared this thought with him, by saying you prefer when his eyes are normal. That’s what it took. Two days, to consider red eyes normal. As usual, he was polite and revealed to you that he also hated the colour, let alone the lenses.

When the doctor finally arrived, you were already a nervous wreck. Aro tried to distract you, asking questions mainly about your house in Forks and whether you had already spoken to Bella about family heirlooms. He succeeded for a while, but it couldn't last forever, could it?

The lady was extremely kind and gentle. The truth was, it was hard to hide how stressed you were about this visit. You didn't want anyone to touch you, not when you weren't ready, and this time you definitely weren't. Despite the doctor's initial efforts, you were unable to shake her hand in greeting. She only smiled sadly, as if understanding perfectly what you were going through. Aro assured you beforehand, for he had not told her anything and only if you wanted to, you should share your trauma with her.

The doctor, seeing your nervousness, decided that you should talk first. While she asked you questions, you noticed that she chose her words carefully and only then did you realise that she was also stressed, but in her case it was probably Aro's presence that made her uncomfortable. Although Aro tried not to impose his presence on her, you understood why it might overwhelm the doctor. You felt confident being in the same room with Aro, while she probably sensed danger, even if she could not rationally explain it to herself. You promised yourself that you would try to learn at least the basics of Italian before the next visit.

She needed to ask you about exactly everything since, unfortunately, you didn't have any medical records with you - neither from the obduction, nor from the subsequent visit to the doctor, where you confirmed the pregnancy. You made a mental note to tell Bella about it, so she could send your documents, along with the things she was supposed to take from your house.

Aro was great in his translator role. Of course, you were still looking at the doctor, while answering the questions, but Aro’s voice, at least, soothed your shattered nerves just a little bit. When the questions started to get more complicated or more intimate, Aro used such words as to not make you feel uncomfortable, while still conveying the meaning.  The more difficult part started, when you had to describe the situation from the hospital and how long it took for the bleeding to stop. Every word seemed linked to a particular image or smell from that night, until finally, you were unable to say anything at all.

The doctor was very understanding, probably having already guessed what exactly was your weird behaviour all about. You didn't say anything directly, you only described the situation from the hospital and then told her the details of this strange bleeding after the rape. Mainly because the doctor was very concerned about it. She explained to you that it was definitely not normal, even if you had wounds inside.

The worst part, however, was the examination. You didn't even want to think about whether you would have to undress, but it turned out to be unnecessary. The doctor had a great intuition, even if she herself was under a bit of stress. You told her that, indeed, you had been to the check-up before and that was how you found out you were pregnant. And that the doctor then checked if all the wounds had healed. The lady didn’t discuss the issue, for which you were very grateful.

After the interview, the doctor told you to lie down on the bed and only pull your blouse up, high enough for your belly to be visible. You didn't feel comfortable with this, but you preferred this way to undressing from the waist down. This was the first time you didn't feel comfortable lying on that bed. You knew that once the visit was over, everything would return to normal, but it wasn’t meant to become a memory you would return to with pleasure.

As it turned out, your first trimester was long over. The pregnancy was about 14 weeks old and that would explain the slight curving of your belly. Before the appointment, you were not sure if you would even look at the monitor to see the baby, but you did. You could not deny yourself this. The room fell silent and you could not tell what you were feeling.

The doctor pulled out some kind of a strange device and after a moment, you could hear the baby's heart. You glanced in the direction of Aro, who was obviously alarmed by your face. You grimaced, too overwhelmed to say anything to him. Up until this point, you were sure that the decision, if you should terminate the pregnancy or not, would be fairly easy. Now, you were certain that nothing in your life could be simple enough.

 *

 Over the next few weeks, your day usually looked the same or similar, yet you managed to do something completely different every day. You were glad you had so much to do, because you didn't have time to think about what had happened. You didn't want to analyse it over and over again. The kings respected your choice - unless you yourself mentioned the traumatic events, not a single insinuation or implication about it fell from their lips.

Your days were filled with various activities. Every day you spent at least some time with each king in private - you knew you needed this to create and strengthen your bond. To keep you from being inundated with information, you learned something new from each of them about vampires and their lifestyle. After all, it was supposed to become your lifestyle in the nearest future. You discovered that thinking about your transformation caused you far less anxiety, than any memory associated with rape. Even after you learned that it more or less consisted of burning alive for a few days.

During your time with the kings, you tried not to show the insecurity you had acquired about your body, and yet, you were sure they knew anyway. However, the time spent with them was what you treasured most. With each of them you did something different, as you wanted to know what they like to do in their free time. Marcus, as he had promised on the first day, taught you Italian for two hours every day. It was not easy, but after a few weeks of intensive course and communicating in broken Italian, not only with Marcus, but also with the other two, you were able to maintain basic conversation.

Marcus was a great teacher, but that wasn’t the only reason why you loved spending time with him. He was the one who had the most time for you - he wasn't as busy as Aro or Caius, and besides, he had countless amounts of patience. He wasn't tired of your constant questions, not only about vampirism, but also about his past. You would often sit for hours in the library or in the gardens, which, by the way, were breathtaking. You both loved books and your only regret was that you weren't able to read most of their vast collection. Marcus assured you, you would have all eternity to do so. You could talk with him endlessly, as these conversations were truly effortless – even the most difficult topics seemed simple and uncomplicated.

You were surprised to learn about a gift of his. Your human mind was unable to comprehend it in the full sense of the word. Mostly because of this, he was the one to explain to you, what your bond even was and how exactly it worked. You have learned that after your transformation, you will feel the bond even more strongly. It is not often that one person has as many as three matches and is able to feel the bond while being human. Marcus explained to you that for now, both your mind and body are only subconsciously sensing the presence of the mates, as it’s impossible for human senses to do anything else.

It was so remarkable to you that you discussed it for hours. You also learned that the bond can be broken, as it is not forced in any way. However, this would be emotionally painful and very few vampires would choose to take such a desperate step.

One afternoon you were spending time in the garden again. You loved being outdoors, but for your own safety you did not go outside the castle grounds. Together, you decided that it would be safer to do only after your transformation. Besides, you didn't want to go anywhere. You were safe under the watchful eye of your mates and Renata, who, apart from the time spent with the kings and in your room, followed you in a constant manner.

The gardens were gorgeous and you wondered, who was taking care of all those magnificent flowers. You were strongly convinced that this was exactly what Eden might have looked like. You and Marcus had your favourite bench. You spent a lot of time outside, especially on sunny days. When you first found out why sitting in the sun might be a problem, you couldn't take your eyes off Marcus. He shimmered brilliantly, but your eyesight couldn't stand it for too long, because of the blinding effect. The gardens, however, were fenced off and inaccessible to the common passer-by, so you were safe to stay, as long as you wanted to.

“I asked Aro recently, if vampires can be killed in some way,” you began cautiously, not wanting to scare him away from this conversation. No one had talked to you about it, however, it still crossed your mind what state Marcus was in when you first saw him. You were willing to swear you looked exactly the same after your mother died. Now, knowing what all the mating bond was about, you were convinced that Marcus had lost someone dear to his heart.

As per usual, he smiled gently at you.

“I'm sure his answer was sufficient, my dear. What are you aiming at?” he asked, looking at you obliquely.

You took his hand in yours. With Marcus, physical contact was as easy as a conversation. He, however, never initiated any touch. He waited for you, just like he was waiting now, to reach for his hand or gently grasp his arm. The only movement he allowed himself was to stroke your hair every now and then, but only when he was absolutely sure you were willing.

“I wanted to ask what happens to the bond, when the vampire…is no longer here,” you said bluntly, not taking your eyes off him. Your understanding was unique. Marcus was gentle in manner, patient and extremely caring towards you. In no way did you want to ruin, what you had built over those few weeks.

His smile turned into one of the saddest you've seen on his face. By the time he answered, you regretted asking at all. You didn't want to cause him pain. You squeezed his fingers in your palm.

“Until you came to Volterra, I was sure that a vampire could only experience this special, unique bond once in a lifetime. I did experience it, yet this story does not have a happy ending,” he said, with utmost sadness in his voice.

Your heart ached, as you watched his suffering and grief. You had asked the question unnecessarily, but now there was no turning back. You continued to stroke his fingers, holding his hand securely in yours.

“When one of the vampires connected by mating bond dies, it does not mean that the bond disappears. It exists, but only on one side. It cannot be cherished, it cannot be repaired in any way. It isn’t reciprocated. What remains are the memories, and they are the only reminder of what the bond really meant, when it existed,” he explained in a distressed voice, slowly and carefully.

Holding his hand, you laid your head on his shoulder and sighed heavily.

“I'm so sorry this happened to you,” you whispered after a moment, feeling tears stinging under your eyelids. Even now, you couldn't imagine losing any of them and you couldn't possibly envision the amount of pain Marcus had gone through.

He embraced you carefully and gently hugged you to his side.

"Don't fret over it, cara. I've made my peace with it. However, that doesn't mean I've forgotten. I still miss her, after all these years," he said with longing in his voice, stroking your shoulder gently.

After a long moment of silence, you were in a genuinely poor condition. Tears dripped down your cheeks and your breathing quickened. Not only because of the pain Marcus must have gone through, but also because of your own yearning. You had come to terms with the death of your parents, but you missed them so much. You wanted to have them at least a little longer. Now, standing on the verge of immortality, you wished you had spent more time with them.

Marcus placed a kiss on your hair.

“Sob it out, dear. Nothing helps the soul more than honest tears,” he whispered, and you were ashamed, because you should be the one providing comfort for him. However, the memories were too fresh and you couldn't hold it back.

Once you had calmed down a bit, he handed you a handkerchief to wipe away your tears.

“I wish I could change my memories. Even if it was only for a brief moment to be able to forget that I will never see them again. To be able to forget what this…this monster did to me,” you whispered, snuggling tighter into his shoulder.

You heard his sigh and his embrace around your shoulder tightened.

“You have been terribly abused, cara. No one deserves such a fate. The most important thing now, is to get on with life. Our loved ones would not want us to dwell on their deaths,” he said, as wise and thoughtful, as ever. The hatred towards your abuser was palpable in Marcus’s voice.

“You are so good to me. I don't deserve this,” you whispered after a while, your voice swollen with emotion. He only smiled indulgently.

“You deserve the very best, dear. I've already lost one mate. I won't let anyone hurt you.”

“I’m sure she would be proud of you,” you said with compassion, after another moment of silence.

“I’m not quite certain about that,” he said, placing another kiss on the top of your head.

But you were sure. You were also sure, you would do anything to prevent Marcus from experiencing something like this again. You knew all too well the taste of grief.

 *

 You truly had little time to think about the rape and pregnancy at all. If you weren’t with Marcus, it was Caius who loved to kidnap you, so he could spent some private time with you. Caius was the complete opposite of Marcus – absolute chaos, you could say. You had no idea how the brothers even got along. You had already noticed that Marcus rarely spoke, while Caius was rather impulsive and liked to discuss things in detail. However, until you started spending time alone, you had no idea what he was really passionate about.

It turned out that his greatest passion was art. He would show you countless paintings he himself had painted throughout the centuries. He could talk for hours about types of paint and how to mix colours properly. Although you were not very good at painting, you tried to learn a little with Caius’ help. When he was alone with you, he was still abrupt and impulsive, but in a charming way. He never imposed himself on you and you discovered that annoying him was really great fun. So banter and frequent teasing were the order of the day.

You often spent afternoons and evenings with Caius. He taught you how to paint, but not only. Art history was his passion and you loved to listen to him tell stories. His voice was mesmerising and hypnotic. He also eagerly answered all your questions about vampire race. You listened about the horrible children of the moon and how Caius singlehandedly had almost slaughtered them all. He warned you that after the transformation you would be violent and impulsive, that you would have nothing on your mind but to satisfy your thirst. This frightened you slightly, but at times when things got weird or dangerous, Caius assured you that you would always have full support of your mates. You never doubted that. You knew they would help you to grow accustomed to your new life.

Caius loved every variety of art you could name. When he asked you for permission to sculpt you, you were so surprised that you made a strange sound. He said that, of course, he wasn't going to overstep your boundaries and you yourself would choose some beautiful casual attire, so he could portray your beauty in sculpture. All you had to do was dress once as he asked and stand in the right pose. He remembered every detail of your posture, including your facial expressions. Often, he would sculpt you, while you would talk about insignificant things also learning how to sculpt...well, things that didn't resemble anything. Yet, you wanted to be as good as he was.

You were in your nineteenth week, when he invited you for a long painting session. His studio was huge and consisted of nothing but breathtaking works of art. You were decorating some random sculpture that you had never seen before. Caius also loved contemporary art, so you could go wild. Taking classes with him was better, than any therapy. You could smear paint on everything - the canvas, the sculptures, yourself, and even him, because he was usually in a good mood and you could enjoy it. He never showed you even a trace of anger, and you, fooling around with him like that, were genuinely pleased and happy.

When you finished, the room looked rather bad, not to mention the clothes or your hair. Caius would never have appeared that way to the guards, let alone on trial, but with you it was different.

“I wanted to show you something,” he said, wiping the paint off your cheek.

You took his hand. Caius, like Marcus, did not invade your personal zone, unless you specifically gave permission. However, carnality and touch were important to him, and so, once you were more comfortable in his presence, he liked to show you affection by stroking your cheek or your back, and intertwining his fingers with yours, when you held hands. You didn't mind his cold skin – by now you were accustomed to it, as three of them had similar body temperature. You were the hottest here. Literally.

You walked slowly to another room.

“I didn't tell you, but I finished craving” he said, and you could hear the excitement in his voice. You smiled at him. That was the main reason why you had agreed to have yourself sculpted in the first place. You wanted to get close to him on a level, which was inaccessible to do in any other way.

“Before you show me, will you tell me as to where you even got the idea of carving me?” you asked, amused. Caius was much taller than you, you had to slightly lift your head to look him straight in the eye.

At first, he smiled archly, but immediately his smile softened. He pulled at the material that covered the sculpture, so that it fell to the floor. You were simply speechless. The woman, who stood opposite to you was over four metres tall. The sculpture was made of marble and the woman looked, as if she was an actual person. There was something elusive about her. Her face, thoughtful yet serene, her hair flowing freely over her shoulders onto her back. She was clad in a fine fabric that flowed in waves down to her bare feet. She looked nothing like you and yet, you two looked exactly alike.

You had no idea that you started crying. The woman was beautiful. You could feel the power and dignity emanating from her, and on the other hand, she seemed to you as if... fragile and ephemeral. Caius had captured in this sculpture all the feelings you had been feeling, without even knowing it.

You felt his hand on your cheek, his fingers gently wiping away your tears along with some paint, which remained on your face.

“I thought I would like you to see yourself through my eyes. Exactly as I see you – without a single flaw, yet with all your imperfections. I don't want you to be unable to look at yourself, because of what this animal did to you. I don't see it. I only see you, [Y/N]. The real you. Beautiful and fragile, yet powerful, without inhibitions or scruples. Capable of anything.”

The words were trapped in your throat. You wanted to say something, but you were sure, that as soon as you were going to open your mouth, uncontrollable sob would come out. You looked first at Caius, then at the woman carved in marble, then back at Caius. He only smiled gently.

“Who we are – we decide that ourselves. No one else does. To me, you are beautiful. Pure. Never think otherwise, dolcezza.”

Without warning, you hugged him so hard, that it hurt. You forgot that his skin was different from yours. He embraced you without hesitation, even though you were all covered in paint. You wept, cuddling into his chest, as he soothingly stroked your hair and back.

Once you had slightly calmed down, you looked up at him. His blond hair looked like a halo over his head. He amazed you in every sense of the word.

“Thank you. Thank you for letting me see this,” you whispered poignantly, and then went straight back to hugging him.

“There's nothing to thank you for, my lovely [Y/N]. I would like you to accept yourself as you are. Because you are truly magnificent.”

 *

 The only person you talked straightforward about pregnancy was Aro. Was it because of his gift? Most likely, and you simply felt you could trust him. From the moment you first found yourself in his arms, the bond between you two only strengthened. Also, a memorable visit from the doctor was also significant, and then, together with him, you went through the documents that Bella had sent you. To say he was furious, was an understatement. Yes, Aro saw your memories, but the reports were written from a third-person perspective. And the other evening was really awful – you couldn't stop crying because you couldn't block out the flow of memories.

You were close with each other; close enough for you to try to overcome your insecurities, to talk about how you really felt about this whole situation you found yourself in. It was far from easy, but Aro was a really patient specimen. In the course of these talks, you discussed practically everything. You knew that every scenario had to be worked out and discussed, because there were many different options of the outcome.

Despite many conversations, you were still unsure about keeping the baby. You didn't know if you wanted to, if you would be able to raise it and then tell it that it would forcibly have to become a vampire. After the doctor's appointment, things did not get any easier for you. You heard the heart and knew that the child was not to blame for its father’s actions. You were raped, but this child had nothing to do with it.

So you waited. You waited for a miracle to decide for you or for the baby to move when you were thinking of having it removed. It’d be a sign not to do it. However, nothing of the sort was happening and fate was not deciding for you. Aro convinced you that, even if you decided to have an abortion, there was nothing wrong about it. No one would blame you for it. The only person to blame here, was the monster who raped you.

You hadn't decided what you would do about the pregnancy, but you and Aro knew what would happen, if something went wrong. For your mates, it was your health and life that came first. Aro assured you of that a thousand times over. Because of this, if anything went wrong with the birth or if there were any complications, you were to be changed immediately. Also because of this, Aro talked to you about all aspects of your transformation. He was the one who introduced you to what transformation actually looks like. He didn't scare you with the pain you were about to go through, but only gave you the facts. Facts that you needed to know.

When you weren't talking about such serious matters, Aro also loved to spend time talking to you, but about different topics. He seemed to know all your thoughts, but you were still able to surprise him. He explained to you, that the human mind was more disordered and chaotic, than vampire one and that he certainly didn't see everything. Your brain chose the memories, often associated with strong feelings and emotions, which were meant to be remembered. You were joyful about this, because you could talk endlessly and he kept finding out something new about you. And you kept finding something new about him. You knew from the first moment that he was extraordinary, and the more you talked, the more you became certain about it.

Besides, Aro adored dancing. You were not convinced about this form of activity, but it was the intimacy of this act that convinced you. In his arms, no one was able to hurt you. You felt safe and, after many attempts, quite confident in your movements. He literally beamed, being able to teach you to dance and to be so close to you. You found nothing in his eyes but the infinite adoration he had for you. When you found out the reason behind this, your heart almost broke with sorrow and compassion.

“I must confess something to you, cara mia,” he whispered, holding you securely in his arms. It was evening, you had long since been prepared for sleep. He found your long nightgown to his liking, when he came to check how you were doing and if you needed anything. You rested your head on his shoulder. There was no music, he was the one giving the rhythm to your movements, yet it was the most wonderful dance you had yet had the chance to dance with him.

“Do tell, please,” you said, trying not to lose the rhythm. You were tired, as throughout the day you sorted through the things Bella sent you from Forks. In addition, you worked with Marcus to sell your house, because you were, after all, a little concerned about what hands your family home would pass into.

“I have been bound over the centuries to both men and women. My ex-wife, Sulpicia, whom you know and, to the best of my knowledge, whom I permitted to leave, was my faithful companion, basically from the beginning of my immortality. However, until now, I did not know what it meant to have a true mate.”

He tilted you gently, wishing to look into your eyes. You continued to sway to a non-existent rhythm, completely oblivious to your surroundings. You furrowed your brows.

“Are you serious?” you asked in a whisper, not wanting to ruin the moment. The light emanating from the candles, illuminated half of his face. He smiled, and you were unable to take your eyes off his red irises.

“Yes, my dear. I have waited over three thousand years for you. I must tell you, that I could wait another three millennia, only to see your beautiful face,” he said affectionately, holding you tighter against him to stroke your flushed cheek with his fingers.

Your eyes welled up with tears and he slowly bent down and kissed your forehead.

“That's enough for today, cara mia. You must rest well. Caius has something planned for tomorrow, but he didn't want to reveal what, under any circumstances,” he said amused, giggling under his breath. You loved when Aro was in a good mood, because then you were in a good mood too. Before he walked you to bed, he wiped away your tear. You squeezed his hand in yours, then climbed onto the bed. He covered you carefully with a duvet and stroked your hair.

“I'm glad I came here,” you whispered, looking into his eyes. “I never want to leave you,” you said with force. He smiled softly at you and stroked your hair once more.

“We will always be by your side, [Y/N]. Good night, cara.”

His voice so soft and tuneful that as soon as he snuffed out the candles, you drifted off to sleep in an instant.

 *

 Apart from the fact that almost everything was going great and your mental state was in constant improvement, your relationship with Bella had severely worsened. In the beginning you talked every evening. She still couldn't understand why you were selling the house and why you wouldn't, at least, want to visit Forks. After a while, you got fed up with explaining it to her. There were an awful lot of things she wasn't happy about and she didn't hide it. She kept criticising the Volturi without knowing them and having no idea, what they were actually doing.

You loved her like a sister, but because of that, she could annoy you exactly like one. Because of her pinching remarks and your lack of patience, you called each other less and less. You didn't want to keep getting annoyed and you were tired of explaining things to her. Besides, you didn't like that she didn't say a single good word about your mates. You at least tried to accept Edward. Suddenly, what he did to her was all forgotten and you couldn't understand it. You didn't know, what was happening to your sister and your stay in Italy didn’t exactly make things better. You still hoped that once you saw each other after the transformation, you would be able to explain it all to one another. You didn't want to lose Bella, the last person you considered family.

So you talked less and less or not at all, and when you did, you avoided difficult and sensitive topics. It was not like with Bella at all and it made you anxious. You were at ease with each other, almost always, and you didn’t get why she was so bitter and hateful towards your knew, chosen life. Especially, because partially your presence right then, in the trial chamber, was the reason for her to be alive at all.

Shortly after Caius presented you with your sculpted self, you were to spend the whole day together, the four of you. These were the days you loved the most. Although you cherished the time spent with each of your mates separately, the presence of all three put you in an ecstatic mood. You usually spent your afternoons like this – there were still a lot of things to do and solve, and a lot of trials to carry out.

Being in Volterra for so long, you learned a lot about the existing laws and how to enforce them. You knew that kings were not flawless, but it was logical to you that keeping the entire vampire world in line, required some sacrifices. Some greater than the other ones.

You usually sat down in the study, where you had ended the very first day, at a round table. You listened to the discussions and arguments, but also just spent time with your mates. You often sat on Aro's lap or tried to calm Caius down, when he became too agitated.

You were extremely excited since the morning, because they promised you a whole day outside. It wasn't often that all three of them wanted to spend time with you in the gardens, so you couldn't restrain your exhilaration. However, there were also days, or rather moments, when, under any circumstances, you could not leave your room. Such a moment was to occur today, after breakfast. You slept for a long time, almost until eleven o'clock. When you ate your breakfast, it was Renata who informed you that it was time to eat. Of course, you knew what it was about.

The only situation, in which you could not leave your chamber, was at lunchtime. Not yours, though, but the lunchtime of all the vampires, who inhabited the castle. For your own safety, usually for about two hours, you were not to leave and to occupy yourself with whatever you wanted. The only two hours, in which Renata or anyone else was not around you. Not many people knew about your stay in the castle and because of this, the kings decided that Renata should eat with the rest of the company.

You did not consider it strange in the slightest. Of course, you tried not to think about the fact that people would die, but you knew that they were chosen at random. Which meant that they could just as well have been run over by a car or they could have died in a fire. You did not think about it. You were just enjoying your two hours of freedom. Sometimes you sunbathed on the balcony, prepared your outfit or just played on the computer. These were little things that still reminded you of being human.

This week, when Renata told you that she would be gone for a while, you were already enjoying a long soak in the bathtub. The home spa was one of the favourite things you and your mum liked to do together. You poured hot water into the tub, applied a mask that you had prepared yourself with a few ingredients and relaxed.

Since you had no idea when, you were no longer afraid to look in the mirror. Sure, your body shape was far from ideal, but at least you weren’t terrified to look. You weren’t terrified to acknowledge that, yes, your body was raped, but you were recovering from it. And that you started to think that your body didn’t cause any of this.

After some time you spent in the bathtub, you felt a little dizzy. It wasn’t exactly a good sign, so you figured it’d be wise to get out of the tub. When you rinsed yourself off with clean water, you stood up, and that was the moment of terror. The room immediately started spinning, like you were on roundabout for the last forty minutes. You felt nauseous, but there was nothing near you to which you could cling to. You managed to step out of the tub, on the marble step, and then you felt it. Pain, excruciating pain, suffocation. Streams of blood went down your legs and before you fell onto the ground, you could only see white marble floor all covered in sanguineous blood.

[rosiesung]

7 Days || Y.JW

for @geminirules "Just Friends" collab

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Pairing: Jungwon x Fem!Reader

Genre: Fluff, Slight Angst, Friends to Lovers AU

Words: 3.63k

Warnings: Reader calls Jungwon a dick.

Synopsis: You are dared to pretend to be in a relationship with your best friend Jungwon. Initially, you go through with the childish challenge, knowing it will be insignificant to your friendship. But as the days pass, you begin to realise your true feelings for him. Will your revelations ruin your friendship? Or will something beautiful blossom because of them?

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"I dare you to pretend like you're dating Jungwon for a whole week."

You looked at your best friend with wide eyes, a similar expression of surprise on his face. There was no way you were going to do that. It would be way too awkward.

"Come on y/n. Don't be a party pooper. It's not like you guys are going to fall in love."

Of course things wouldn't turn out that way. No matter what, nothing would change the way you saw Jungwon. He would always remain your best friend and nothing more.

Jungwon looked too embarrassed to say anything. Both of you knew it was just a dare. What was the worst that could happen?

"Fine. Starting tomorrow Jungwon's my unofficial-official boyfriend," you announced, linking your arm with his. Jungwon hid his face in his hands as everyone around you screamed and cheered. This was going to be one interesting week.

~

☀︎ DAY 1 ☀︎

Since you only had to put on a show in front of your friends, you figured the best thing to do would be to hang out with Jungwon in solitude. He didn't have a problem with your plan. You both had been having playdates together ever since you were three. He was comfortable being alone with you.

Both of you met at your secret spot. A small grove behind the schoolyard. It was a place the two of you had found while skipping classes one day. Ever since then, this was where you spent time together whenever you needed some peace and quiet.

"I can't believe you actually agreed to this," Jungwon said, mindlessly plucking the grass he laid on. You sighed, staring at the row of trees beyond. "A dare's a dare. Besides, we have nothing to worry about because we don't have feelings for each other."

Jungwon sat up. "You know that we can't avoid all of them for the entire week right? They're literally planning to hang out at the cafe just so they can see us in the act." He sounded worried. There was no need to be.

"Of course I know that. So what? We'll let them see what they want to. It's not like they're going to make us kiss or something. The most we'll do is feed each other and hold hands."

Unlike Jungwon, you had already thought everything out. You knew how far to go while respecting the boundaries of your friendship. All Jungwon had to do was trust you.

He cringed in disgust at your words. "You're going to pay for landing me in this mess. We've barely even started and I already feel so miserable."

You patted his shoulder, flashing him an assuring smile. "You're not alone in your miser mister. After this is over, I'll do all your homework for you."

Jungwon laughed. "Learn how to do your own first. Then you can come and ruin mine."

~

☀︎ DAY 2 ☀︎

As Jungwon had predicted, your friends called you out to the cafe. Both of you were supposed to show up together. Jungwon met you a block away from the cafe, looking incredibly reluctant. "Are you sure you want to do this," he asked, just about ready to turn back around.

There was a determined look in your eyes. "Remember when he had to play Hansel and Gretel's parents for that play we did in preschool?" Jungwon nodded. He could never forget that day. "If we managed to get through that, we can get through this without a problem."

That made sense. Appreciative of your pep talk, Jungwon took your hand and whisked you away to the cafe.

By the time you reached your destination, both your hands were sweaty. Jungwon was just as nervous as you were. Not only because you had to pretend like you were dating, but also because your friends weren't going to miss the opportunity to tease you.

Seeing you two enter hand in hand, everyone began hooting and cheering. Jungwon's cheeks flushed almost immediately. You had to drag him towards the table you were supposed to sit at. "It's nice to see you two arriving together," one of your friends said, making space for you.

Taking a seat, you watched in horror as they placed a glass of juice with two straws in front of you both. No one had to explain what its purpose was. You glanced at Jungwon whose eyes were fixated on the glass hesitantly.

"If we get this over with now we'll be at peace," you whispered, leaning forward to place one of the straws between your lips. You looked away when Jungwon did the same, feeling the heat in his face on your cheek. You were certain you had never downed a drink so fast in your life. It didn't take long for you to finish the contents of the glass, quickly sitting back up to catch your breath. Your friends couldn't seem to get enough of the event, laughing and clapping avidly.

"You guys are so cute," some said. "Both of you would make such a nice couple in reality," said others.

Sitting there amongst your terribly evil friends, you wondered how you were going to get through the next five days with Jungwon.

~

☀︎ DAY 3 ☀︎

Your friends had invited you to another escapade at the park. You couldn't tell what they had in plan this time but you were sure it wasn't going to be enjoyable. At least this time, you and Jungwon didn't have to show up hand in hand.

When you reached the park, Jungwon was already there. Your friends beckoned you over, making you stand next to him.

"Now that our subjects have arrived, here's your to-do list. First, remain holding hands the entire time we are here. Second, Jungwon, give y/n your jacket if she starts feeling cold. Third, walk her back home and make sure you give her a nice, sweet little kiss before she goes inside."

Jungwon let out a noise of surprise. He wanted to run as far as he could and never come back. Holding your hand was fine. He had gotten used to it because of the previous day. He didn't mind giving you his jacket, but you were already wearing one so he didn't see why he would find the need to. Jungwon could do many things. But kissing you was not one of them. It didn't matter if it was on your cheek, your forehead, or the back of your hand, because there was no way on earth that he would bring his lips anywhere near yours.

What neither of you realized was that your friends were willing to go to the farthest lengths to make sure you went through with their tasks. They made you two walk in front of them so that they could see your hands intertwined. When the sun went down and the air started getting colder, they made you take your jacket off so that Jungwon would be left with no choice but to give you his. Just when it seemed like your night of torture would come to an end, they even made you share a single cone of ice cream. When it was finally time to go home, two of your friends followed behind you to make sure that Jungwon did his bidding. It was awkward enough walking through your neighborhood hand in hand. Those who knew you cast looks of confusion and surprise upon you two. Eventually, you reached your doorstep. Jungwon let go of your hand, standing in front of you. He looked everywhere but at you, avoiding your gaze. You glanced behind your shoulder, rolling your eyes when you saw your two friends filming you from behind your neighbor's car. They weren't even attempting to be discrete.

"Hurry up and kiss me already. This is too embarrassing," you urged, slapping Jungwon's arm. He sucked in a breath, pressing his lips in a thin line. "Do you think it's not for me? I mean, I'm the one who has to kiss you for heaven's sake."

"Stop pitying yourself and just get on with it. The longer we stand here the more reason they'll have to punish us tomorrow."

Jungwon stared at you long and hard. He squeezed his eyes shut and leaned forward, pressing his lips onto yours without a second thought. You froze, eyes going so wide they might have popped out of your head. Even though it was probably only for two seconds, it felt like an eternity. Time froze as you stood in the foreign feeling of his lips on yours. He pulled away almost immediately, skipping down your driveway as fast as he could with a short wave and 'good night'. Still stunned, you entered your home, breaking into a smile when you closed the door.

~

☀︎ DAY 4 ☀︎

The next day, Jungwon asked you to meet him at your secret spot. So far, your friends hadn't made any plans to get you together. You saw Jungwon sitting in the middle of the grove, laying down on the damp grass as he usually did. Walking over, you sat down beside him, flicking his forehead so that he would open his eyes.

He grinned on seeing you, sitting up with a soft groan. "So, how was your night?"

You furrowed your brows at the question. It wasn't like him to ask you things like that. But you decided to overlook it. Maybe he was still feeling a bit awkward after the kiss you both hard shared the previous night.

You shrugged. "It was fine. How was yours?"

"I couldn't sleep," he revealed. It sounded like he'd been dying to tell you. "Why's that," you asked, believing that you had an idea of the reason.

"Last night scarred me," Jungwon shared, pretending to gag. You didn't know why, but hearing him say that made your heart sink. Suddenly, you felt horrible. "Was it really that bad," you asked, genuinely curious to know what he thought of it. Jungwon nodded, making you feel even worse. "It was worse than I thought it would be," he added. Your eyes started stinging. A lump formed in your throat and the longer you held it back, the more it hurt. You knew you hadn't been eager to kiss him, but you would argue about how 'bad' it was. But bringing that up right now would just be stupid. Jungwon would misunderstand where you were coming for and that would just lead to another disaster entirely. You had told yourself that you weren't going to let this dare get to you, but four days in you were already slipping. The longer you sat there, listening to Jungwon whine and complain about everything he'd had to do with you so far, the harder it became to control your emotion. Not able to take it anymore, you got up abruptly and ran away, leaving Jungwon sitting there extremely puzzled.

~

☀︎ DAY 5 ☀︎

You didn't respond to any of Jungwon's calls or texts. You didn't have it in you to face him. He would be disappointed if he found out the real reason behind your sappy mood. So you were gonna wait till you got over it before facing him.

You still couldn't believe that you had been so affected by Jungwon saying that he hated the kiss. Despite telling yourself that you disliked it too, you couldn't help but think otherwise. There was something so magical about it. You had never felt that way because of a kiss before. Whenever you thought back to it, an exciting warmth rippled through your mind. Your heart danced in glee and a wide smile formed on your lips.

But you weren't supposed to feel that way. Jungwon was your best friend. Besides, he hadn't kissed you willingly. You didn't understand why it felt so special to you when it clearly meant nothing to him. You knew you couldn't blame him for that. His mind was wired to see you as nothing more than a friend. You found it hilarious. Here you were, realizing that you probably liked your best friend after having continuously assured yourself and him that something like that would never happen. The sad part was that Jungwon would never reciprocate your feelings. You were all alone in this.

A knock sounded at your window, startling you. Slipping out of your reverie, you glanced towards it, eyes widening in surprise when you saw Jungwon crouched before it. You didn't think twice before letting him in. He entered your room and stood in front of you, crossing his arms over his chest. "You wanna explain what happened yesterday?"

You frowned and turned away shoulders slouching disinterestedly. "Is that what you came here for," you asked, regretting letting him in?

"Well did I have a choice? You've been blatantly ignoring me while all I've been trying to do is make sure you're alright," he said, stepping closer to you.

"I'm fine. If that's all you needed to hear, you can leave now," you replied. You didn't need him prying and prodding at you right now.

Jungwon stood his ground, clearly not satisfied with your answer. "No, you're not y/n. You aren't fine. Tell me what's bothering you."

You sighed and faced him. "Trust me, you wouldn't want to know."

Jungwon furrowed his brows. He didn't know what that meant. "I think I'll be the judge of that."

"It's you. You're bothering me," you spoke, narrowing your eyes at him. Jungwon hadn't been expecting that. But he didn't let the surprise show on his face. "What did I do?"

"You made me feel so worthless and undesirable. But that's not your fault. I can't blame you because you're right to think that way about me. I'm just pitying myself here and there's nothing you can do about it so please, just leave me alone." The tears were coming back again. You didn't want to break down in front of Jungwon. His face fell. He didn't know what to say to that. He thought you knew he was just being overdramatic. He seriously hadn't meant to hurt you. Before he could apologize, you turned to him. "I don't think I'll be good at keeping this a secret, so let me just tell you that I'm starting to catch feelings for you. If that makes you uncomfortable then you can leave. If you have something to say, just say it and go. But don't ask me why I feel the way I do because that's something I'm yet to figure out."

Jungwon was at a loss for words. He stood there, gaping at you like an open-mouthed fish before turning on his heel and exiting through your bedroom door. You heard your mother yelp on seeing him, probably wondering where he had shown up from. A part of you wished that he hadn't left, but the other was glad that he was gone. You felt like a fool for letting all of this happen. You should have never agreed to this dare. Who would have thought it would lead to something like this? There was nothing you could do now. There was no way you could change the way you felt. Because at the end of the day, it was as clear as ever, that you were undeniably in love with your best friend Yang Jungwon.

~

☀︎ DAY 6 ☀︎

Jungwon couldn't stop thinking about everything you had told him yesterday. He would never have imagined that you would catch feelings, especially through such a childish dare. Your friends had called you out to the park again today, but Jungwon wasn't going to go. He knew you wouldn't be there so there was no point. He wished he could tell you that he hadn't meant half the things he'd said about the kiss at the grove that day. He was just trying to show you that the kiss hadn't made him feel some type of way. Not just that, but he was also attempting to persuade himself that he indeed had loathed it. Maybe he should have been truthful instead of lying about it.

This was exactly what he'd been afraid of. Jungwon was always fond of you. He cared for you and he wouldn't lie when he said that he loved you. But the more he thought about it, the more he realized that maybe he felt that way because he thought of you as more than a friend. Jungwon didn't want to convince himself that he liked you just because you had confessed to him. He wanted to understand the way he truly felt about you.

He knew every little thing about you. No one knew you as well as he did. Jungwon cherished your friendship and the time he spent with you. Whenever anything bugged him, he always came to you, knowing that you were the only person who could make things better. He relied on you more than anyone else. He couldn't go a day without speaking to you. After yesterday, he realized how important you were to him. The fear of losing you ate at him the longer he stayed away from you.

Jungwon hated knowing that you were sad. It hurt more to know that he was the reason behind it. He wanted nothing more than to hug you and apologize for making you feel bad. He felt guilty for everything he had done. It had only been a couple hours since he had last spoken to you, but it felt longer. He missed you so much.

So he left you a text, asking you to meet him at your secret spot. He kept his phone close, waiting till you replied. But you didn't. You probably wanted nothing to do with him. Nonetheless, he still hoped and prayed that you would give him one last chance to make things right again. He couldn't afford to lose someone as special as you. There was nothing for him if he didn't have you.

~

☀︎ DAY 7 ☀︎

Jungwon laid in the grass, staring at the dull sky above. It was filled with clouds, hiding the sun. The grove felt so big and endless when he was alone. When he was with you, it was much more cozy and bright, even if the atmosphere was gloomy.

He had been waiting for you for quite a long time now. You hadn't replied to his message last night, but he knew you had seen it. Just before he was about to lose hope, he heard the grass crunch a few feet away from him. Jungwon didn't have to look to know it was you. No one else knew the path to get here.

"What do you want," you asked, voice small but laced with malice. You were cross with him. Jungwon wished to change that today. He patted the space next to him. "Let's not pretend like we hate each other. You could do the worst thing to me but I'd still admire you."

You didn't argue and sat down beside him. Other than the tension in the air, everything felt normal. There was a scowl on your face. It must have taken a lot of convincing for you to come here. Jungwon needed to get to the point.

"I'm sorry about everything I said. I didn't even mean half of those things."

You scoffed. "Oh really? They sounded pretty heartfelt to me."

Jungwon sat up. "I was just trying to enforce the idea that I wasn't into you, on myself," he revealed, hoping that you would forgive him. "And being a dick was the only way you could do that? Jungwon, you weren't the only one who was attempting to suppress their feelings," you refuted.

"I know y/n. And it's my fault for not realizing sooner," he admitted, hanging his head. You sighed and shook your head. "This is so immature. I can't believe we're letting a stupid dare get in the middle of our friendship."

Jungwon chuckled darkly. "Maybe it's a sign that our friendship has run its course."

You turned to him. "What is that supposed to mean?"

Jungwon smiled. "I gave it some thought yesterday. We're both attempting to be in denial of our feelings. Obviously, that isn't working out. If it wasn't for this dare, they would've remained buried deep down somewhere. But I guess you could say everything happens for a reason." He took your hand in his, intertwining your fingers. "I never realized how much I loved this feeling until I had to go a whole two days without it."

You couldn't even hide your smile. "Where is this going Jungwon?"

"Maybe we should give this a chance. Give us a chance. Who knows? It could turn out the be the best thing that's ever happened to us," he said, meeting your eyes.

"And what if it doesn't? We would be throwing so many years of friendship away."

Jungwon shook his head. "How long are we supposed to contradict how we truly feel about each other? That would take a heavier toll on us."

You laughed, squeezing his hand. "It doesn't hurt to try I guess."

Jungwon beamed. "That's the spirit!" It felt nice to see you smiling at him again. He was grateful for that. It was funny how a large part of his mood depended on you. If you were happy, he was happy. If you were sad, he was sad. His entire world revolved around you, and Jungwon knew the best thing to do was strengthen that bond.

"So, will you be my girlfriend," he asked, smiling cheekily. You bit your lip, looking at him through your lashes. "Of course I will."

⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼

A/N: I hope you enjoyed reading this fic. Please let me know how you found it! Thank you so much!

[bbienha]

enhypen as “enemies to lovers” trope

heeseung<3

warnings: none

it’d be a one-sided hatred

although he never knew why you were always glaring at him during class

or why you were always speaking of him rudely he never went out his way to find out why

everyone was aware of your hatred for him

he was aware, he just didn’t care

that wasn’t until you two were forced to help out with the senior dance along with the student council as extra helpers

because you two hadn’t participated in any class/team building actives that year

your friends froze slightly laughing thinking about the fact that’s you’d and heeseung would “hang out��� non stop for the next 2 weeks

as long as you avoided him there would be no problems? don’t make this harder for yourself.

JUST AVOID HIM!

turns out trying to ignore him was a lot harder than expected

it was either ‘teamwork 🥺’ or doing the work all by yourself

and you being the stubborn petty bitch you are,,

ended up carrying majority of the work while he hung out with his senior friends

it was 7pm after school on a winters night

you two had finished moving all the big boxes of decorations, plates, tables etc (i say you two but it was basically all you)

and you were sitting outside the bus stop swinging your feet back and forward

“gosh he’s so annoying he doesn’t even do any work” you mumbled kicking the rocks underneath your feet

if anybody were to ask you why you hated lee heeseung, one of the chillest people in school, so much? you wouldn’t have been able to answer

by now this memory of yours has been long forgotten but the feelings within are still there

6 year old heeseung and 6 year old y/n at the park running around like children do

(6 year old) y/n say on the swing for at least 30 minutes

or what felt like 30 minutes to heeseung

before he took matters into his own hands and pushed them

it wasn’t his intention to but you flew off the swing grazing your knee on the bark beneath

ever since then you swore to never be friends with people like him

it was dramatic of course but you were 6?! what else would’ve you said

but here you are 18 no memory of that incident whatsoever but still holding a grudge against him because that’s all you’ve ever known

heeseung was too waiting for his bus, actually he was catching the same bus as you

usually he would catch number 12 but it was night and this was the only route left

it was also the fastest route but he never had taken it

he lived on the same street as you, same class, same year, same after school activities yet he barely ever saw you around

that’s because he knew about your little annoyance for him

sometimes he would wonder what he did wrong

“should i go up to them and ask?”

“did i say something wrong?”

he often thought about confronting you but then again you two had never had a conversation past “hello” “*dead silence*”

he would take longer routes home, different buses to school and change his schedule for asa (after school activities) because he didn’t want to burden you

so there he stood, 5 feet away in the rain, trying to hide away from you so you wouldn’t get mad

maybe that’s why you disliked him?

because he never worked for anything yet you two had the same social status.

ahhh that must be why!

so the next day he put more effort into what he did

you didn’t understand why, and you were more confused than ever when he snatched the heavy cardboard boxes form your hands

“i can take this”

“i’ll hang this”

“don’t worry, sit down, i’ll fix the fridge”

something inside of you started to bubble a similar feeling to when yesterday when you wanted to punch his guys out for not helping

but also different... probably because he WAS helping now

“whatever” you scoffed letting him do all the work

hey? maybe this is fair. you did yesterday’s and he can do today

heeseung was stunned but kept his mouth shut as he didn’t wnat to get on your bad side

“y/n” he calls out for help

gosh he can’t do anything by himself can he?

even his voice irritates you but when you walk over to him, you find yourself with a badly made cupcake and a sorry note

wtfff is this? you think to urself

and for the first time in 12 years heeseung finds the courage to ask why you were so distant

silence

it wasn’t that you were trying to be rude but more you didn’t have an answer to give him

“ahh” he nodded awkwardly

“i guess some things are meant to be kept secret?” he rubbed the back of his neck, a habit he had picked up from watching american tv shows

you tapped your foot on the ground all suddenly realising you were being rude for no reason

a arrow of guilt had shot right through your heart and you didn’t know what to do now

“don’t worry” he smiled brightly “i’ll prove to you why you can trust me :) i’m hard working too yk?”

and there you were, stunned. never in your life had you talked to him for so long

so now you were just bring down on your lip hoping to run away

“alright. cool” you say and leave him be.

the next 2 weeks were exactly as he said, he went above and beyond for this senior dance

not only finding more to add to the night but cheaper and better events for the nights

this was a job for the student council yet here he was helping as if he was son of them

anddd he too had also warmed up to you as well

you had to admit the past few days of his constant nagging and clingy behaviour did erupt some kind of feeling in your stomach

and heeseung as well felt comforted knowing he wasn’t n.1 on your hit list anymore

“so what to you think?” he asked passing you a cola can

“of?”

“of me? do you still hate me?”

GUILT GUILT GUILT GUILT

“w-what are you talking about?! i never hated you!!! don’t try make me a bad person” you rambled making sure he wouldn’t misunderstand you like you did to him

he laughed “ik ik i’m just joking”

even after a very very long 12 years of hating his perfect set of teeth and bright grin you can’t help return the smile

in the max of 14 days he had you regretting every thought you use to have

there would be a small conversation about the dance and who you and your friends were going with

until it dawned on you, nobody had asked you out

i mean who would after your scary persona with the school

“so then, would you... like to go with me?”

you accepted it of course but made it very clear to him you were only doing this because you didn’t want to seem lonely

right?

on the night of the dance, you were the best person of the night

absolutely stunning!

at least to heeseung because he couldn’t take his eyes off of you

from then on, you weren’t known as “heeseungs personal hater 🥶” but now as his s/o

(and apparently the one who makes him the most happy, said his friends)

next is jay