#that led to her diagnosis in April

[frekless]

Think I need to go to therapy again.

Problem is I really really hate therapists.

Been there done that. Hate the whole process.

Especially the emphasis on CBT. Does not work for me.

But I think I need to talk to someone about the last 6 months.

I have been running on adrenaline since the end of February and now that everything is starting to get back on track I am crashing so hard.

[morbidology]

Rebecca Riley was born on April 11, 2002, to Michael and Carolyn Riley. From a young age, Rebecca was subjected to a series of medical treatments for alleged behavioral and mental health issues.

By the age of two, she was diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder and bipolar disorder by Dr. Kayoko Kifuji, a psychiatrist at Tufts-New England Medical Center. This diagnosis led to Rebecca being prescribed a regimen of powerful psychiatric medications, including Clonidine, an antihypertensive drug often used off-label to treat ADHD symptoms, and Depakote, an anti-seizure medication used as a mood stabilizer.

On December 13, 2006, Rebecca was found dead in her home in Hull, Massachusetts. The autopsy revealed that she had died from a lethal combination of the medications she had been prescribed. The excessive doses of Clonidine, combined with other drugs, had caused her heart to stop.

Rebecca's parents, Michael and Carolyn Riley, were charged with her murder. Detectives found that they had repeatedly given her higher doses of medication than prescribed, using the drugs to sedate her rather than to treat her conditions properly. Testimonies during the trial painted a grim picture of neglect and misuse, with evidence showing that the parents had continued to administer medication even when Rebecca exhibited symptoms of overdose, such as severe lethargy and difficulty breathing.

The trial brought to light significant failures in the oversight of prescription drug use in children and the responsibilities of healthcare providers. Dr. Kifuji, who had prescribed the medications, faced scrutiny and criticism but was not criminally charged. She voluntarily suspended her medical license during the investigation but was later reinstated after agreeing to monitoring and additional training.

In 2010, Carolyn Riley was convicted of second-degree murder and sentenced to life in prison with the possibility of parole after 15 years. Michael Riley was also convicted of first-degree murder and sentenced to life without parole.

[brf-rumortrackinganon]

I was wondering at what point do you think the Sussex’s reached the point of no return, and when the actually penny dropped for H and M (actually do you think he realises that somethings are literally unforgivable even now.) Obviously we probably know a small fraction of what was happening behind the scenes, and the beloved son making a new life is studiously polite, even if many think KC3 would have his son back in an instant.

So it's a few things for me. I think the Oprah interview and Philip's funeral got the ball rolling; the Platinum Jubilee was the "make or break" moment; and The Queen's funeral was when the penny dropped.

Here's the long version...

First, the Oprah interview and Philip's passing/funeral. Here's a super quick timeline of what happened:

2/16/21: Philip enters hospital to receive treatment for an infection.

2/20/21: Charles is papped leaving Philip's hospital looking upset and very emotional.

2/28/21: First promotions of the Sussexes' interview with Oprah debut in the US.

3/1/21: Philip is transferred to a different hospital to receive treatment for his heart condition. Paparazzi photos of him being transferred via ambulance are published, immediate criticism.

3/3/21: Philip has a heart operation. Palace says it went well.

3/5/21: Philip goes back to the first hospital. Meghan tells people she thinks the palace is making up or using Philip's health to silence them and keep them from releasing the Oprah interview.

3/7/21: Oprah interview broadcasts in the US.

3/8/21: Commonwealth Day Service; Oprah releases new clips cut from the final edit of the broadcast; the interview is broadcast in the UK.

(This is just a small piece of what was happening in those days. There was a ton of other stuff going on too.)

I think Meghan leaking to her friends, who talked to reporters, that they don't think Philip is as ill as the Palace reports was the beginning of the end for them. Okay, so maybe the palace wasn't keeping Harry fully updated on everything that was happening as it happened, but the signs were all there that it was a serious hospitalization.

(And I do believe that that leak about Philip's health is why Harry flew immediately to Charles after the King's cancer diagnosis. Karma served him hard with their public on-the-record denials of how ill Philip and The Queen were so now Harry wanted to do the right thing and go see for himself what was really happen.)

Then there's the whole Oprah interview altogether, which many in the firm - family members and courtiers alike - didn't receive well. Using today's measure of "Piers is what Camilla thinks," then if he was hopping mad over it, then she and the family were hopping mad.

Then Philip died and the way the Sussexes behaved - among them: Harry preempting much of the family with his statement about Philip, Harry's demand to wear his uniform, Harry dicking up the procession, Meghan telling everyone the flowers on Philip's casket were from her, Harry allegedly confronting William and Kate about the Oprah interview, the Sussexes using the family walk for olive branch PR, and (if Harry is to be believed) the Harry-Charles-William peace summit in the Frogmore gardens after the funeral - was the final nail in the coffin about what privileges or support the Sussexes would get from the BRF.

Especially when you consider that on February 19, 2021, the Palace announced that the Sussexes had declined to return and the one-year trial/review was terminated as of March 31st. So on April 9th when Philip passed away and the Sussexes began asserting precedence and privilege, they had no right to any of it. They were non-working royals, bottom of the totem pole.

(Then seven weeks later was the whole Lilibet fiasco and we all know how that went.)

I think the Sussexes' behavior and attitude around Philip's funeral, plus the Lilibet debacle (which we didn't fully learn about until after The Queen passed) directly led to certain decisions for the Platinum Jubilee, which became the "make or break" moment for everyone, not just the Sussexes.

The Sussexes saw the Platinum Jubilee as their chance to relaunch and rebrand as royals because they needed the royal glow to make their soon-to-be-released projects successful and well-received. The firm saw the Platinum Jubilee as a chance to rein the Sussexes in to their new status as "family members" vs "royals."

And, well, we know what happened at the Platinum Jubilee:

The Sussexes were kept away from the Cambridge family.

They weren't allowed in the Trooping carriages and the Trooping balcony.

They weren't invited to the Trooping rooftop party with the rest of the family or to the cousins' lunch afterwards.

They were scheduled to take the "Minor Royals Motorcoach" to the service of thanksgiving.

They were booed on arrival (and departure) at the service of thanksgiving.

They weren't included in the official procession with Charles and the Cambridges.

They were seated on the other side away from the working royals and demoted to the inside of the second or third row "after" Beatrice and Eugenie, instead of being on the aisle.

They were not invited to the post-service of thanksgiving guildhall reception/luncheon and had to do the walk of shame to the car by themselves. (Hence the boos.)

No one went to Lili's birthday party.

Meghan didn't get her "Lili meets Lili" picture with The Queen and Lili.

The Sussexes knew it was game over for them from there. The Platinum Jubilee wasn't the "make it" moment they needed and they didn't get anything they wanted. We know they got nothing they wanted because they threw a hissy fit and left early than planned, suggesting they felt very snubbed.

So I think that was the point of no return as far as the firm was concerned - if the Sussexes could behave themselves at the jubilee and the public was accepting of their presence, then the firm could've worked with them. But the Sussexes didn't behave (Meghan's photo stunt with Peter and Zara's girls, missing their pick-up for the service of thanksgiving, and Meghan's stunt rolling down the car window after a whole fuss about security) and the public made their feelings very, very clear.

I think the Sussexes were probably in denial with how badly the jubilee went, and that's why the interviews Meghan did later that summer were bitter and venomous towards the royal family. I also think the way they were treated at the jubilee weekend also informed some of the things they did and said in the Netflix docuseries as well.

So while the Sussexes were fully aware that they were out after the jubilee (I don't remember now who said it, but there's the famous quote "You never really know if you're in with the royal family, but if you're out, you definitely know") I don't think they understood the impact of what being "out" meant, though. I think they thought they could continue using the BRF for PR as they always did and that The Queen/Charles would always welcome them back with open arms because that's what they always did.

Which is what led to the penny dropping with The Queen's passing and funeral. It's clear that Harry thought he'd be given precedence and priority as The King's Son. which didn't happen. He made demands for it, still didn't happen. He tried to take it by force with the Netflix walkabout, still didn't happen. He caused a PR ruckus to get the public to demand it, it still didn't happen.

I do fully believe Harry was grieving at The Queen's funeral and her committal service. But I believe he was grieving the loss of his royal status a bit more than the loss of his grandmother that day, judging by his body language throughout the day. He knew it was all over then and there, and that bitterness came through in his interviews for Spare, when he demanded that the BRF needed to apologize first and his "they know what they did" comments.

I kind of feel like Harry saw the coronation as a test, where he felt "If I go and they treat me well, it'll all be fine but if I go and they treat me horribly, I'm never coming back again." And, well, the latter happened and he went straight from Westminster Abbey to the airport to go home, which was as big a tantrum as the one they pitched at the jubilee to leave early. And if Charles hadn't announced his cancer diagnosis, or if he didn't have cancer at all, I feel pretty confident saying we wouldn't have seen Harry in London until the May service of thanksgiving for Invictus Games.

[newyorkthegoldenage]

Eleanor Roosevelt at the first anniversary celebration of the opening of the Strang Clinic (now the Strang Cancer Prevention Institute), an infirmary for women and children, April 26, 1934. May Strang, niece of Chauncey Depew, who with her sister, Dr. Elise L'Esperance, founded the Strang Clinic in memory of their mother, is shown pouring tea for Mrs. Roosevelt.

The Clinic was devoted to the diagnosis and treatment of cancer. Dr. L’Esperance collaborated with Drs. May Edward Chinn and George Papanicolaou, whose research led to the early detection of cancer of the cervix. This resulted in the Pap test. In 1940, Strang was the first medical facility to introduce it into clinical practice.

Photo: Associated Press

[shreddeddescent]

“all of this has led me to like his inner turmoils (diagnosis) and the other characters inner turmoils more. how they feel about each other how theyve coped.” ohh I so wanna ask about this, like how does that show up for each turtle?

leo copes with weed and being a normal kid. he copes by hanging out with the twins and letting them all get away from their TWO moms. hes got hangups maybe hes ignoring, self medicating and stuff. absolutely keeps it away from them though, but will do it in front of them. he copes a looooot with humour, he'd rather say something gross than be emotionally honest. he might end up saying something corny and then brush it off as if he didnt mean it. but honestly id say he's the most well adjusted. he's FINE with his mom, he sees her as a mom he's just very disappointed by her and so he wont trust her with his shit.

mikey copes by babyfying himself, letting people dote on him for shit he might not really need. he honestly worries more about everyone else than himself, and thats really bad for him. he tries to take care of everyone more, cooks a lot, tries to pull people out of their thoughts more. 'leo you havent smoked in like a week and you keep worrying about everyone else go fucking do that' and then has to put him to bed when he overdoes it. things like that. it starts to reach a point where raph worries he's gonna do to mikey what his mom did to him, ala make him ignore his own shit just to take care of the QUOTE UNQUOTE adults in the room. like he genuinely SEEMS really self sufficient and well balanced but its an act.

donnie just keeps to himself most of the time. he likes to be helpful, he likes to do stuff with his hands. he had april teach him a lot of mechanic shit so he likes to prove he can do it on his own after years of being useless. but he gets shit in his head and hes like "ok THIS is what needs to happen NOW" despite maybe everyone else telling him "hey. thats not helpful. we need to calm down first donnie". like he refuses to let raph make comments about himself as if he's a girl and stuff, when raph clearly just wants to self deprecate to deal with it. i wrote something before where you can see him literally use something raph told him in private as a weapon against their mom. he doesnt get boundaries, he's like "this is whats wrong so lets all say it and fix it now!" but like. people need time and gentleness that hes not always willing to give.

and raph doesnt cope with most of it. he copes by ignoring it. he copes by repressing it. he uses casey to cope, the fighting purple dragons all night, the sex they have which is very much NOT about him. he likes to feel used, maybe. he thinks that all he's supposed to be. it makes their friendship really hard cuz he cant decide if he's okay with it or not. she's supportive of him though, even if he cant always see it. i feel like ive probably explained enough abt raph over the course of the eeeeeeverything else here, but lets just say his version of slash is himself. locked up in that broken fucking brain of his.

[beardedmrbean]

Aug. 13 (UPI) -- A former Cornell University student has been sentenced to nearly two years behind federal bars for posting threats online targeting his school's Jewish community.

Patrick Dai, 22, of Pittsford, N.Y., was handed the 21-month sentence Monday, four months after he pled guilty in April to posting threats to kill or injure another person using interstate communications.

Dai was a junior at Cornell in late October when he posted threatening messages to the Cornell section of an online discussion forum.

Excerpts of the posts reproduced in statements from the Justice Department show he threatened to "shoot up" 104 West!, Cornell's kosher dining room that is located next to the Center for Jewish Living facility, as well as "bomb jewish house."

He also threatened to bring an assault rifle to campus to "shoot all you pig jews," according to federal prosecutors, who added that he vowed to stab and slit the throat of any Jewish man he saw at Cornell and rape and throw off a cliff any Jewish woman. Jewish babies, he said, according to prosecutors, would be beheaded.

Dai was quickly identified after the posts were published online and he has remained at the Broome County Jail since his arrest.

"Every student has the right to pursue their education without fear of violence based on who they are, how they look, where they are from or how they worship. Anti-Semitic threats of violence, like the defendant's vicious and graphic threats here, violate that right," Assistant Attorney General Kristen Clarke of the Justice Department's Civil Rights Division said Monday in a statement.

United States Attorney Carla Freedman said Dai's actions "terrorized" the Cornell campus for days "and shattered the community's sense of safety."

The threats were communicated less than a month after Hamas launched a bloody assault on Israel that killed some 1,200 Israelis and ignited the ongoing war between the Iran-backed militia and the Middle Eastern country.

Lisa Peebles, a federal public defender and Dia's legal representative, told The New York Times in an email that her client is not anti-Semitic and that the posts had been a misguided effort to "expose the atrocities of Hamas and garner sympathy for the Jewish community."

She explained that Dia is autistic and can function like a child between the ages of 5 and 10.

"He is deeply sorry for the hurt he caused," Peebles said, The Times reported. She also suggested that the crime is what led to his autism diagnosis.

Dia was also sentenced Monday to three years' post-incarceration supervised release that is to include no contact with his former university and mental health treatment. Other restrictions imposed as part of the sentence include monitoring of his electronic devices and use of the Internet.

[shannendoherty-fans]

Oct 4, 2021 3:06pm PT

Shannen Doherty on Acting, Facing Cancer and SAG-AFTRA’s ‘Broken System’ of Health Insurance

Shannen Doherty has acted since she was a child, and throughout the 1980s, she worked steadily on television (as Jenny on “Little House on the Prairie”) and in movies (as Heather Duke in “Heathers”). In the early ‘90s, she achieved icon status after the slow-burn explosion of the teen soap “Beverly Hills, 90210,” which propelled its cast into the spotlight, and led the gossip press to follow their every move. After that initial blast of celebrity, Doherty continued to work prolifically in “Mallrats” (1995), “Charmed,” a tonnage of TV movies and more. She even starred in a 2012 reality show, “Shannen Says,” which followed her planning her wedding to photographer Kurt Iswarienko.

Doherty was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2015, and went through treatment — which she documented on her Instagram — until her remission in April 2017. But in winter 2019, Doherty learned that it had recurred, and that it had become metastatic Stage 4 cancer — which is treatable, but not curable.

Yet that spring, Doherty signed on to play a parodic version of herself on “BH90210,” Fox’s meta revival of “Beverly Hills, 90210.” She went public with her diagnosis in February 2020, and has continued to work since — though it hasn’t always been easy to convince potential employers that she’s hirable. This month, Doherty stars in not one, but two Lifetime movies — “Dying to Belong” and “List of a Lifetime” — that will air during the same weekend, on Oct. 9 and 10. She also directed the special content that accompanies “List of a Lifetime,” the plot of which centers on breast cancer: Kelly Hu plays a woman who is diagnosed with it, and reaches out to the adult daughter she had placed for adoption years before.

Doherty, now 50, was featured in Variety’s Power of Women issue, and talked about her fierce desire to keep working — and how she feels like she’s even become a better actor since facing cancer. In this Q&A, Doherty delves into what she continues to get out of acting, her experience on “BH90210” and why SAG-AFTRA’S health insurance is a “broken system.” (A representative from the SAG-AFTRA Health Plan responded to Doherty’s comments after this article was published, and that statement is at the bottom of the story.)

When you found out your cancer had recurred, what were you thinking about acting?

I don’t think there was ever even a thought that I wouldn’t work. Obviously, my first thought was, “Oh my God, how is this happening?” A little bit of fear kicks in, and panic kicks in. And then there’s resiliency. There’s strength — all of that kicks in. And you say: “OK, this is just another blow that I got dealt. But like the last blow in my life, or the many, many, many that I’ve had, I can get through this also.”

Then you start thinking about your life and everything that it entails. And I couldn’t imagine not doing the things that I love in life. Whether that be acting or directing, or playing with my dog or riding horses. Or hanging out with my family and my friends. Like, I can’t imagine not being able to do any of those things. So, when you can’t imagine not doing them, you just go, “Well, I’m gonna continue to do all of it!”

Right.

And then you have to break through to other people, and get them to understand that you are hirable. Stage 4 cancer, it doesn’t mean the end of your life. It doesn’t mean that you’re not viable in the workplace. It’s quite the opposite. I think we probably work harder than anyone because we have so much more to prove. I always feel like I have to prove that I can handle the long hours. So I won’t complain about a 16-hour a day. I won’t complain about doing 16 takes when we had it on the third take.

I can do this better than anybody — with Stage 4.

You signed on to do “BH90210” in 2019 before you’d revealed to the public that you’d recurred. How was it to keep that secret?

It wasn’t impacting my capabilities or my skills, and I really didn’t want it to come out before I was ready for it to come out. It solidified what I keep on saying — don’t write us off. If we can fight cancer, we can certainly go do a job.

Brian Austin Green, I think, was the only person on that show who knew about your recurrence.

Yeah, going into filming, Brian knew. I had said no so many times to doing it, and Brian would call me and talk to me about it. And be like, “Hey, it’ll be you and me, and we’re gonna have a blast!” Then finally I told him what was going on with me. And perhaps I had my own fears of saying yes, not just because it was “90210” yet again. I didn’t understand going back there. I didn’t want to play myself, because I’m an actor first. I had just so many hang ups about it. So Brian knew, and then at some point Ian [Ziering] and I had a discussion, and he knew.

I thought that show was interesting and fun. How did you end up feeling about it?

Listen, we all have ideas of how we would do a “90210” if we’d been in charge, right? I definitely created a character of “Shannen.” And I did appreciate that by probably starting around the third episode, and then all the episodes afterwards, they gave me a lot — and I mean, a lot — of freedom. I’m not sure I ever said one scripted line.

Brian and I would just do nothing but improv. We were pretty crazy working together. And to give credit where credit’s due, it was amazing that our writers and our head team allowed that.

Was everyone doing that, or was that just you and Brian?

Brian and I might have taken it the furthest? Half the time, I would just say nothing. And I would just stuff my face with food in every scene. So it was my own take on a crazy version of Shannen, but a version that had some of me in it — the animal advocacy, all of that, that was important for me to get across. The fact that she was an enlightened human being, if you will. Whether she was or was not, she viewed herself as one.

It’s an actor’s dream to be allowed that much freedom.

When there were same old/same old rumors about you from that show, you shut that down immediately on Instagram. And it worked, it seemed?

I mean, it’s just so tired, right? But I was definitely not going to allow it. It’s something I will not allow in my life anymore. And as much as I cannot stand social media to a certain extent, I do understand and appreciate what it allowed me in that moment. For me to be able to address it immediately, say my piece about it, and shut it down was a wonderful thing. Because that’s certainly not something I was able to do in my 20s.

Do you feel like you would have had the language to be able to do that in your 20s?

I think so. Had I had the platform, yes. Perhaps it wouldn’t have been so eloquent. And perhaps it would have been a bit harsher of a shutdown. But it still would have been a shutdown.

But I’m very much of the opinion that you can’t look back. Only move forward.

From what I gather, SAG-AFTRA health insurance isn’t easy to keep. Has that been a concern for you?

Oof. There’s a conversation! There are a lot of unions where you get your health insurance based on points. And those points are accumulated over the course of the time that you’ve been in the union. So I’ve been in the union for 40 years; I’ve been paying on top dues for 40 years. And the fact that if I don’t work for one year, my insurance gets knocked down to a lower tier, and the price of it gets jacked very high.

What? No!

And then that lower tier only lasts, I don’t know, a year or two years, maybe. And then what? Look at Ed Asner — he wasn’t able to get SAG insurance anymore. And this is a man who worked his entire life!

Nobody’s gone in and changed it. And it is something that I worry about, of course, like: “Oh, my God, I’ve got to make sure I earn a certain amount of money every single year to get insurance.” Whereas if you just looked at my 40 years of paying dues, and the pension and all of that the producers pay in on behalf of me, you would think that that would cover my insurance for the rest of my life. And it should.

That’s the Writers Guild system, right?Correct. It’s a very, very broken system that we have at the Screen Actors Guild. And I hope that it changes.

New president Fran Drescher — breast cancer survivor!

Yes! And I hope that she had her moments of being fearful about insurance, and takes that into deep consideration to try to change how SAG deals with healthcare.

Are you in active treatment right now?

I’m on pills. One of them I take every single day, and will for the rest of my life. The other one, I take until my body stops responding to it. I’m very good about — I get my bloodwork done once a month. I get my PET scan and everything else done every six months.

So it’s just about follow-through, and hoping that you stay on one protocol for as long as you possibly can. So, obviously, my hope I do not blow to my protocols. That my body stays responsive to the one that I’m on, and I can stretch it out as long as possible. Because at some point, we’ll have another treatment, we’ll have something new come out.

What do you get out of acting that you don’t get out of the other parts of your life?

It’s the chance to leave my own life behind. And when I’m playing this character, I don’t have all of the same concerns and fears and worries that I have in my own personal life. I’m getting to explore somebody else’s personality; I’m creating from the ground up.

As an actor, we’re diehard creative human beings. And if you’re a creative person, when you can’t be creative anymore, I think you go a little crazy. So what I get out of it is I’m fulfilling that creativity that is inside of me. It’s the same with directing.

What of your past roles do you find yourself thinking about the most?

Oof. Why. Why that question?

I wondered whether there was something unexpected!

Not really. I mean, maybe over the last few years I’ve been thinking about Rene in “Mallrats.” But that’s just because Kevin Smith keeps on sending me scripts for “Mallrats 2.” So that’s been in my head.

Is that going to happen?

I don’t know. I certainly hope so. Because I love working with him.

Having done a deep dive into your Instagram, I wanted to ask you about your support system.

I have an amazing family. And when I say “family,” it’s all-encompassing — my friends are my family. And obviously, there’s my mom and my husband, and everybody is just awesome.

No one in my immediate circle looks at me differently. None of them treat me differently. It’s just me. There’s rarely talk about what I’m going through. And they would all probably tell you that they never hear me complain, they never hear me cry or be upset about it.

And I think having normal in your life is important when you’re dealing with something that’s not normal.

This interview has been edited and condensed. Subsequent to this story posting, a representative from the SAG-AFTRA Health Plan told Variety “that health coverage is neither dependent on nor otherwise related to members paying dues, and that the Health Plan and the union itself are different entities.”

[my-name-is-bunnyfoxy]

Rise Donnie HEADCANNONS

Massive fashionista. He actually loves and enjoys fashion the most.

He collect a bunch of fashion magazines and reads them on a daily.

He'll actively judge anyone's fashion taste (especially Leo's) and gossip about it 24/7.

When Jhanna (My AU) decided to be with him and join his planet, he immediately took her shopping and helped her pick some nice outfits.

His favorite games or GTA5, Minecraft, FNAF, Call Of Duty and League of Legends.

Hates Genshim Impact. Eventually warms up to it but doesn't favor the game much.

He had the fattest crush on Springtrap and once dreamed that he proposed to him at a candle light dinner and they got married. Also ended up adopting 3 kids-

Loves sci-fi movies. Him and Leo will ramble about it 24/7.

Him and April gossip about everything.

Allows Raph to hang out in the lab whenever he wants to and let's him know about his newest, latest or future projects.

During the events of s4 (my AU) and onward, Donnie started to genuinely open up to his brothers and loved ones. He was way too nervous and horrified he might lose his loved ones due to the situations they were in. So he decided to open up more. That led to him realizing sometimes it's okay to open up your feelings and to not try and cover them up or ignore them.

When mutants, yokaid and humans start to live peacefully together, Donnie (plus his other bros) went to a psychologist. Because he always felt like maybe there was something wrong with his behaviour when he looked back at them. That's when he finally found out he was autistic. He actually felt relieved when he finally got a proper diagnosis. While him being autistic doesn't excuse some of his behaviour or some of the things he has done, he is happy he finally got an explanation of sorts as to why he behaved in a certain way.

Donnie did feel as if him being autistic made him the black sheep of the family or seemed like he didn't belong with his loved ones. Contrary to his expectations, he was accepted and still loved. (Disclaimer I am NOT a proffesional when it comes to mental disorder or just disorderd and illnesses in general. If I get something wrong please correct me and educate me on things like autism and etc!!!)

Contrary to popular belief, he almost NEVER swears. He does at times but hardly ever does. He only drops an f bomb if he is SUPER pissed. He is 4th when it comes to swearing.

Has a massive storage of Uranium hidden in his room.

Was allowed by Draxum to mess around with some of his old experiments and chemicals.

Will judge whatever bad taste you have in certain media.

Apart of several reddits where they cringe at various things.

If he had a TikTok, most of it would be roasting or making fun of influencers for their crap and drama.

He began making more weapons for his brothers and him after the Kraang invasion. He was way too paranoid to possinly lose them so he wanted to prepare them just in case.

Acts like a top but is a bottom.

In reality is a malewife. Thank Jhanna for that.

[elsanna-shenanigans]

March/April 2023 Contest Submission #2: I Left My Heart in Sanity's Rest

Words: ca. 6,000 Setting: Modern, small town Lemon: no Content: Car accident (but no one gets hurt except for the car), story briefly takes place in an abandoned mental asylum

Anna buries her hands into the thick of her hair as she inspects the external damage on the car. There’s a sizable crack in the windshield and the front right tire is angled outward; even if they could get this thing out of the ditch, there’s no chance it’ll be drivable.

“Great, just great,” she says to herself as she lets her hands drop to her sides. Two days ago, she finalized her breakup with her high school sweetheart, and now this. She leers at the cause of her one-car accident: a cow, idling fifty feet away. “What are you even doing out in the forest?!” she shouts.

The cow ignores her outburst with a flap of its raggedy tail.

“Stupid…” she grumbles as she fishes her phone out of her pocket. “This is why I drink oat milk.”

Thankfully, there’s enough signal amidst this sea of trees that she’s able to get a hold of a nearby tow truck. She sits begrudgingly on the grass while her poor car silently lays behind her; no other cars pass by.

Obviously it’s not the cow’s fault that this happened. She was the one that decided to drive back home for Spring Break instead of going on that trip to Spain with the rest of her friends. And she was the one that decided to take the scenic route back to ‘clear her head’ when reconciling with Maren didn’t work. And she was the one that got too caught up looking at Maren’s latest Instagram post to notice the chonky milk-maker ambling across the street like a joke with a bad punchline.

Bad decision after bad decision after bad decision. Just once, Anna wishes she could make a good one.

Twenty minutes later, she hears a rumbling sound getting closer. She stands up and pats the dirt and grass off her jeans just as a large, rusty tow truck comes to a hissing stop on the other side of the road. Despite the size of this crimson beast, the driver still has to squeeze his way out of the truck door. As he walks closer to her, Anna becomes increasingly intimidated at just how much he towers over her. But she eventually realizes that she has nothing to worry about.

She exchanges pleasantries with the burly man who introduces himself simply as The Woodsman (“Or Woody, if you’re feeling up for it.”). He ends up being very sweet underneath the grease stains and unkept beard, and soon he’s hitched up Anna’s car and is giving her a ride to the nearby town.

Anna entertains him unintentionally by recalling the events that led up to her accident, and after he lets out a barrel-chested laugh, she asks him, “So, how bad is it?”

“How bad is what?” Woody asks.

“My car. I mean you got a good look at it when you were putting the hook in the thingie, right?” She raps her knuckles against her knee. “I just need to know how long it’ll take to fix it. I need to be back on campus by Monday.”

He nods and lets out a soft grunt, “Well, I wish I could give you some kinda diagnosis, but the truth is I won’t really know what’s going on until we get back to my shop.”

“Oh…” Anna tightens her lips and looks down at the floor, burrs and leaves are scattered around her feet.

“But don’t you worry, we’re just about fifteen minutes away from Sanity’s Rest. I promise I’ll give your car a look-see as soon as we’re in town.”

“Sanity’s Rest?” Anna asks.

“Eeyup, the only piece of civilization for the next fifty miles or so. Town got its name on account of the mental asylum up on the hilltop.” When Woody turns to see Anna’s stressed expression, he holds up his hand. “Ah, don’t worry. The place has been closed for thirty years, the only loonies you’ll see out here anymore are tourists.”

Anna tries to remember if she’s ever heard of a place called Sanity’s Rest, maybe on an old brochure or some random TikTok, but nothing comes to mind. Then again, these small, out-of-the-way towns exist everywhere, it was only a matter of time that she’d visit one.

Woody’s meaty hand pats her on the head and it bonks her out of her thoughts. “Trust me, there ain’t a town better than good ol’ Sanity’s Rest. You’re gonna love it!”

Well, Anna sure hopes so. Because knowing her luck, she’s not going anywhere else anytime soon.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Anna doesn’t know what she’s expecting when they get to Sanity’s Rest, but she’s definitely not prepared for how…vertical it is.

The town is primarily built around a long, winding road that snakes up to the aforementioned hilltop where an ominous, white building sits. Stacked along this road as if in some unconventional tier system are rows and rows of buildings, more length than they are width. The first couple of tiers are made up of shops, eateries, and galleries, the kind of places you’d see in a city’s downtown district. But higher up on the road is where more of the private residences are, along with a church and a very small library to remind you that people actually live here.

Woody’s garage is on one of the middle tiers, right below one of the two inns that Sanity’s Rest is ‘known for’. As promised, he inspects Anna’s car right away and discerns that the repairs will take about two days- something about parts he needs delivered.

Two days isn't too bad. In fact, if she books it out of here as soon as her car is fixed, she’ll probably make it in time for her second class. But it’s still not ideal, and now she has to stay at an inn that’s half the size of her childhood home.

“Warm Hearth is the coziest place to get a good night’s sleep, I tell ya,” Woody encourages her before she leaves his garage. “Elsa takes mighty pride in the place and it shows. Tell her Woody sent you along and she may even give you a discount.”

The vote of confidence still isn’t enough to get Anna to just stride right into the place, especially when a cat bolts out from a bush in front of the porch stairs. “Why are all these animals trying to give me a heart attack today?!” she hisses. After her heartbeat returns to a normal rhythm, she presses her foot against the first blue, wooden stair, watching to see if it will crack under her weight. When it doesn’t, she tentatively steps onto the porch and pushes the also blue front door open.

It’s heavier than it looks, and the prolonged groan it lets out as Anna opens it further is so loud that she’s convinced everyone in the town is now looking at and silently judging her. As soon as she gets inside, she closes the door with an amusing sense of urgency. Maybe not amusing to her, but certainly to anyone that’s in here with her.

Which, once she looks at the lobby, turns out to be no one.

The lobby, or so she assumes, is deceptively spacious. Two adjacent chairs and a coffee table between them sit right in front of the window, and in the other corners are a small bookshelf, a circular standing table with an open book on it, and a set of stairs that lead to the second floor. Unlike the front door, the interior doors are white with gold-tinted accents that look like some kind of flower. As Anna goes to get a closer look at one of the doors, it opens…

And she’s greeted by a goddess.

The woman she has the privilege of seeing in front of her has the fairest of fair skin, only interrupted by a star chart of freckles across her face. Her silk blonde hair is fashioned into a tight ponytail, though a couple of strands have escaped to mark across her icy blue eyes. And rather than wearing a toga, or armor, or whatever deities wear, she’s adorned in a flowery (and floury) red apron, an off-white undershirt, and shorts that are shorter than the apron. Which means Anna also gets to look at her fabulous knees as if that’s a thing people are attracted to.

“Oh my-”, the goddess exclaims as she straightens up in surprise. “I’m sorry, I thought I heard…I mean I didn’t expect…hi.”

“Hi,” Anna says reactively, her head still trying to catch up to her heart. “I’m sorry for scaring you.”

“Ah, what? You didn’t scare me, this is how I always greet people. I shout at them and jump right out of my shoes.” She lets out a breathy chuckle and pats her hands against her apron. “Like a cat.”

“If it makes you feel better, you didn’t shout at me. And you definitely don’t look like a cat.”

“You sure?” The woman tilts her head and lightly pats her hair. “Oh, I guess I must have left my ears in the office.”

Anna lets out a noise that’s supposed to sound like a laugh, it comes out more like a childish giggle. After twenty-five years of gayness, she’s still a mess around pretty girls; especially when they’re some kind of baker, or an innkeeper’s daughter, or some random that broke into an inn to steal their flour. Before Anna can make a bigger fool of herself, she says, “I-I’m new in town, and- well, I’m not like moving in or something. Not that this place isn’t nice or anything like that, but I need a place to stay and Woody, he…”

Well, so much for that.

The woman nods and puts her out of her misery. “Woody? I’m guessing you’re having some car troubles and he pointed you towards my place until he can fix it?”

Anna’s eyes widen, “This place is yours?”

The woman smiles proudly and stretches out her hand, “Elsa Henley, proud owner of the Warm Hearth Inn.”

Elsa Henley. Elsa. Of course her name would be just as beautiful as the rest of her. Anna wipes her far-too-sweaty palm against her jeans before shaking Elsa’s hand. It’s soft and a little cold. “Holy baloney, this is yours?” Cool people say holy baloney, right?

Elsa chuckles, “Well, yes and no. I bought it off the original owners a few years ago. I kept a lot of the outside intact, but I changed a lot of the interior.”

“Well, it’s beautiful,” Anna says truthfully. “This whole place is beautiful, and you are-” She stammers to a halt and coughs for good measure, letting go of Elsa’s hand. “You have a good eye for stuff. Like chairs.”

Elsa’s proud grin turns into a warm smile. “Thank you. So, how many days are you planning to stay?”

She walks over to another closed door and Anna follows her like a hopeless puppy. Through the door is a small, almost closet-sized office where they get to talking about the logistics of Anna’s stay.

For the next two days and two nights, Anna will be staying in what Elsa calls the ‘White Room’, which she promises is the coziest one in the inn. They must really like that word here in Sanity’s Rest. When they get to the White Room, Anna immediately adds the word to her own vocabulary.

The space reminds her a lot of the attic of her childhood home, except the wooden floor is shinier and the drapes against the window are a pristine white rather than a drab gray. And instead of boxes of old photos, there’s a large, fluffy bed, an antique-looking nightstand, and another bookshelf. So, it actually doesn’t look anything like her attic, but the vibes are still there.

“There’s a key to the bathroom in the nightstand, you’re free to put your stuff wherever you want in the room, and you can open the drapes or keep them closed. Completely up to you, I just want you to be comfortable,” Elsa explains as she gestures around the room.

Anna walks in and gently sets her backpack and luggage on the floor next to the bookshelf. She sits on the side of the bed, the fluffiness almost causing her to fall right onto it. “Big bed,” she comments after righting her posture. “Definitely bigger than the one I have.”

Elsa gives her a small, knowing smile, “Usually couples are the ones who rent the White Room.”

“Makes sense,” Anna replies as she tries to ignore the annoying loneliness gnawing at her side. Maybe if she’s lucky, Elsa will sit right next to her and she’ll feel less-

Oh, that’s exactly what she’s doing.

“I understand there might be a bit of an implication there, but don’t worry, I take a lot of pride in cleaning my rooms.” Elsa is still a professional distance away, enough for another human to sit in between them, but that doesn’t stop the warmth that spreads from Anna’s shoulder to the rest of her body. “Any questions?”

With the apron off, Anna can see a sliver of her waist. Pale as the rest of her, and maybe just as soft.

“Anna?”

Yep, that’s her name- wait, why is Elsa saying her name?

Anna lifts her eyes back up and blinks away something non-existent, “Y- uh, what? Hi. Hi?”

Elsa tilts her head with a look that’s between confusion and amusement. Or maybe she caught Anna staring and is now silently judging her. Gosh, that would be the worst. “I asked if you have any questions.”

“Oh! I…uh…” Anna scrambles to ask something random, something that will keep Elsa from leaving. “What can I do? To pass the time, I mean.”

Elsa nods, not giving any indication for whether or not she’s judging. “Well, if you haven’t gotten a chance to look around at the shops, you’ll have the next couple of days to do so. The owners are all locals, so they’ll talk your ears off if you let them- especially Woody, or Mrs. Harrel who runs the apothecary. Tomorrow afternoon, the mayor’s doing a reading at the park from his poetry book which should be…interesting. Oh, and I’m pretty sure tomorrow night is the Asylum Tour.”

“Asylum? Like the one on the hilltop?” Anna’s eyes narrow with uneasiness.

“Don’t worry, it’s totally safe. The tour guide is adamant that everyone stay in the lit areas, and officers regularly patrol the building to make sure no one’s hanging around in there that shouldn’t be.”

Not yet convinced, Anna frowns at her while also trying to subtly nudge her hand closer to Elsa’s on the bed. Because that’s the kind of woman she is, and she’s totally fine with it. “I don’t know. If you need the police to patrol a tourist destination, that doesn’t sound a hundred percent safe to me.”

“No one’s ever gotten hurt or gone missing on these tours. And there’s always a handful of local volunteers to help out as well. If it will help, I can come with you tomorrow night.”

It takes Anna a second to realize the proposition Elsa’s laid out for her. She blinks and leans forward a little more than she thinks to. “You’d come with me?” she asks, hoping she doesn’t sound too intrigued at the thought.

Elsa shrugs, it’s casual and cordial like she’s offered this to all of her customers. “Only if you want to.”

Admittedly, Anna’s hesitance to get anywhere near the asylum is softened by Elsa’s offer. Even if it’s just an off-handed remark from a polite and very pretty innkeeper, it still makes Anna feel more at ease. But, at the same time, what does she actually think is going to happen here?

She’s leaving in two days and chances are this will be the last time she ever steps foot in Sanity’s Rest. She cannot fall so hard for a woman she’ll never see again. With a sigh, she lets Elsa, and herself, down easy.

“Iyou’re there, then I’ll think about it.”

’ll go if you’re there.“

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The asylum is huge, and it only grew in stature the closer Anna got to it. The dirty, white building is bathed in harsh brightness from an array of flood lights, several of the glass windows are broken and the long-dead plants stick out of the rocks like boney fingers. Had she come here alone, Anna would never find the nerve to get anywhere near the entrance. But thankfully, there’s a small crowd here that’s just as crazy as she is.

And a certain someone is waving at her from that crowd.

Anna hurries her pace despite her already frazzled nerves. Elsa had arrived here earlier to help set everything up for the tour, she still looks fantastic in a pair of khaki shorts and a white t-shirt that reads I Lost My Sanity on the Sanity’s Rest Asylum Tour.

“Hey!” Elsa says when they finally catch up to each other. “I’m glad you were able to figure out where to go.”

Anna raises an eyebrow, “It’s a straight walk up a hill. I’m not that hopeless.” Though the fact that she agreed to do this begs to differ.

Elsa chuckles, “You’d be surprised at how many tourists ask us every day where the asylum is. Though I guess it’s a little harder to find since the sign fell off.”

A sense of worry streaks across Anna’s face from that throwaway comment. She gives the building another look and frowns, “Are you sure this place is, uh…sturdy?”

“Absolutely, you have nothing to worry about.” Once again, just like magic, Anna finds it easy to believe Elsa. She reaches a hand out toward the newcomer and says, “Come on, the tour’s about to start.”

A hand. Elsa’s reaching out a hand…to take her hand; that can’t be right. They’ve only known each other for two days, a fact that Anna’s been trying desperately to keep telling herself despite the fact that they’ve already had a couple of conversations and even ate lunch together earlier today. Okay, well technically it was more like Anna went to a cafe for lunch and Elsa walked in when she was halfway done with her sandwich. But Elsa did take a bite from the scone she bought.

She’s trying not to get too attached, her breakup is still so new and she’s going back on the road tomorrow morning. Elsa might not even have feelings for her, maybe she’s just this nice to all of her customers.

She has to think logically about this, she can’t take Elsa’s hand. She can’t. And she won’t. But she will. Because she’s weak and dumb and Elsa’s smile is freaking breathtaking.

Reality, however, comes at her as fast as that cow on the road did, and Elsa drops her hand back at her side with a frown. “Sorry, I held my hand out without thinking. That wasn’t professional.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Anna says, disappointment seeping through every vein in her body.

They make it back into the crowd just as the tour guide begins her speech, keeping a respectable yet agonizing distance away from each other.

The tour guide is wearing the same outfit as Elsa’s, except her shorts are a little lower on the knees and she has a headset with an external speaker that accentuates her cheerful tone. “Welcome, everyone, to Sanity Rest’s 56th Asylum Tour! My name is Evelyn- yes, like the actress- and I’ll be your guide for tonight, it’s going to be so much fun and you’re going to love every minute of it.”

She goes into a formal rundown of the rules for tonight, and Elsa seems to have recovered from the awkwardness first, because she quips, “Bet you twenty dollars she ends her speech with a pun.”

Anna scoffs, “That’s not a fair bet, you live here.”

“Hey, you never know, I could be bluffing.”

“Are you?” Anna turns to look at her and all she sees is the same heart-melting smile that’s pulled her out here tonight.

Elsa’s smile turns into a grin, “No. I wouldn’t lie to you like that. You’re my guest after all.”

Of course, she wishes she was more than that.

“What was that?”

Crap. Anna turns to the side, pretending like she heard someone else say their own hopeless romantic thoughts out loud. “Hmm? Wh- uh, did you hear something?”

“I thought you said…never mind.”

The tour guide leads them all inside the asylum. When Anna crosses the threshold, a puff of cold air hits the top of her head and shoulders. She yelps and looks back at the doorway, but there’s nothing there. Pressing a hand against the back of her neck, she turns to Elsa.

“There’s a sensor on the door,” Elsa explains, seeming to have read her mind, “On random occasions, cold air gets blown in from these hidden tubes that’s strong enough for people to get a little spooked.”

Anna pouts, “Isn’t that a little dishonest?”

“A little. But the tricks are harmless and they’ve helped to boost ticket sales, so I can’t complain.”

“Well, I can. You’ve probably noticed by now that I get freaked out pretty easily.”

“I have noticed that. It’s cute.”

“I- well…that's…shut up.” If these mixed messages get any worse, Anna’s going to have to check herself into this asylum.

“Tell you what. I’ve been on this tour at least ten times by now, I’ll let you know every time a trick is coming up so you can prepare for it. Does that sound good?”

Anna takes her hand off her neck and grumbles, “Fine.”

“Good.” Elsa nudges her with her shoulder, and the momentum makes the backs of their hands touch. The chill that Anna felt earlier is nothing compared to the jolt that goes through her when from that fleeting contact of skin.

“We will now be making our way to the cafeteria, where it was once rumored that a patient tried to boil one of the cooks in a large stew pot like Bugs Bunny!” Evelyn the tour guide gets their attention, looking far too excited talking about that whole stew thing. “That, of course, turned out to be a hoax. But what isn't a hoax is the homemade brownies waiting for you on the cafeteria benches!”

The cafeteria doors open with a long, low creak. As they walk through them, Elsa whispers to Anna, “Don’t eat the brownies that are on plastic plates. They have candy eyeballs in them.”

Anna shudders, “Thanks. I’m not a fan of eyeballs in my food.”

“Neither am I. Look at that, we have something in common.”

“Heh, yeah we do.” Mixing her metaphors, Anna decides to bite the bullet and test the waters. “I wonder if we have other things in common too.”

“Only one way to find out,” Elsa responds…with a wink.

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The brownie is delicious, though not as good as the information that Anna learns about her newish companion. She learns that Elsa’s thirty years old, a Sagittarius (which makes sense), and moved to Sanity’s Rest seven years ago just to ‘get away from everything’. The community welcomed her with open arms and, in no time at all, she felt like she belonged here. Also, she likes lilies, the color blue, and geckos.

As they head further into the asylum, Elsa’s words and gestures become a little more…forward. Even Anna’s cautionary standards aren’t enough to innocently explain away the way Elsa brushes her hair back when it gets in her face; or when she gently grabs her by the shoulders when she’s about to walk past another cold air sensor; or the way she offhandedly mentions they go to the park ‘next time she visits’.

Anna will laugh or play along when Elsa does something that could be considered flirty, but she tries not to get her hopes up. Elsa’s just…nice. Kind. Sweet. And unbearably cute.

The words and gestures finally come to a head when they’re exploring one of the second-floor hallways and Elsa takes her- by the hand- towards a smaller corridor that leads to a library. Or, at least, what’s left of it. It has concrete walls and a dirty floor like the rest of the asylum, but Elsa’s so good at describing it as a place that you’d actually want to go to.

She walks around the small room, the size of her inn’s lobby, talking about how the angle of the windows could bathe the whole room in sunlight at the right time of day, pondering over what books she’d put on the shelves, and debating on whether she should put one rocking chair or two.

“A rocking chair seems a little cliche, don’t you think?” Anna asks as she peers out the corridor. No one’s coming to get them, maybe no one even noticed they split off from the group.

“Some cliches are nice,” Elsa reasons. “Like rocking chairs in a reading nook, or laughter being the best medicine, or meet cutes.”

“Meat cubes?”

Elsa laughs, hopefully because she’s amused and not because she thinks Anna’s an idiot. “Yeah, those charming, quirky moments in a book or a movie when the two romantic partners meet for the first time. It’s one of my favorites.”

Anna takes a step towards her. “Has it ever happened to you before?”

Elsa looks around with her hands clasped behind her back and her lips pursed. Either she’s thinking about her question or she’s wondering where she’d put the circular coffee tables. “Yeah, I think it has.”

Her response is both assuring and perturbing. Elsa could be talking about literally anyone else, but if she’s talking about her…screw it, she’s leaving tomorrow. “Has it happened…recently?” Anna asks as she takes another step forward.

Elsa grins and closes the gap with a step of her own. She reaches out her hand and runs it across Anna’s hair and down her arm. “Very,” she replies softly.

Well, that answer couldn’t have been any more obvious. The feelings are mutual, the two of them have a thing for the other, and they’re all alone in a not-so-scary-anymore asylum. Elsa’s fingers linger, grazing against her knuckles, and Anna takes it as a sign to take those fingers in hers.

“So…” Elsa says. There’s a heaviness to that word; Anna can’t leave here without giving an answer. She knows what she wants to say, but there’s that nagging sense of need. The responsible response that’s influenced by the fact that, again, she’s leaving tomorrow. When she first got here, her stupid mind was too blinded by Elsa’s beauty to keep her from trekking through an asylum at night. This time, she needs to think clearly.

Anna takes the deepest sigh of her life, the weight of her next words already crushing her. “Elsa, I feel the same way, but I-”

“Don’t.”

Anna winces, not expecting Elsa to respond so quickly. When Anna looks at her, however, she still has a soft, disarming smile on her face.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to say anything else,” Elsa continues. “I’m just glad we had tonight.”

“Elsa…”

“We should probably catch up with everyone else.” Elsa lets go of her hand and walks out of the library, Anna fights the urge to stay in here for the rest of her miserable life.

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Anna lets out another long yawn and wipes tired tears out of her eyes with her wrist. Last night was the worst sleep she’s had in years, she’ll need the tallest, strongest cup of coffee she can find for the rest of her trip.

She and Elsa didn’t talk at all for the rest of the night until they made it back to the inn, and all Elsa did was remind her of the night time rules. No soft smiles, no errant hand touches, no more of her heart on display.

When Anna tried to sleep, her dreams were either about Elsa or her recurring, lore-heavy war against the Pumpkin Brigade, So, instead of sleeping, all Anna did was think about what she should and shouldn’t have said. After all that thinking, she’s come to the conclusion that she’s made a mistake. With Elsa. By rejecting her.

She was thinking too much about how it would hurt both of them to fall for each other if she wasn’t staying long, but if Elsa was worth coming back to, then surely she’d come back here, right?

This isn’t the 1900s where it takes six years just to travel fifty miles; she has a car, a phone that can connect to the Internet. Long-distance relationships have never been this easy to maintain in all of recorded history, except for maybe the days when everyone lived in caves right next door to each other. She wants something with Elsa, and with luck Elsa still wants something between them too.

All it’ll take is one more conversation…hopefully. And maybe the other thing she got up to last night instead of sleeping will help smooth things over.

Anna pats down the remaining wrinkles on the blanket and gives her room one final look to make sure it’s cleaner than when she first got here. After a confirming nod, she leaves with her backpack and luggage in tow. Two days passed by a lot faster than she expected; she’s a little upset no one checked up on her.

As she’s going down the stairs, she hears a conversation in the lobby. A young, bright-eyed couple is busy filling out the same paperwork she had to, and sitting on her rolling chair is the woman she was hoping to see this morning. Their eyes meet as Anna descends the last step, she gives the innkeeper a polite wave and gets the same in return. That’s probably a good sign.

“Give me one second,” Elsa says to the couple before walking out of her office and towards Anna. She keeps on her professional smile, it’s nice but it’s missing the same warmth from the last two days. “Hey, how was your sleep?” she asks.

“Good,” Anna lies. “How did-”

“I just need your key and you’re free to go.”

Anna’s breath catches when Elsa holds out her hand. This definitely isn’t a good sign. Has the door already closed on them? Did Elsa already move on? Or is she keeping up appearances because there are customers right behind her? Needing to keep her sanity, Anna tells herself it’s the third option as she takes the room key out of her pocket and places it in her palm.

“Thanks,” Elsa says neutrally, but she’s not able to go back to the couple. Not when Anna’s closed her hand against hers.

It can’t end like this. “Can I talk to you when you’re done?” Anna whispers. “Please?”

Elsa’s facade fades, she quickly looks back at her customers before turning her attention to Anna. After taking a breath, she whispers, “Meet me out on the porch.”

Fifteen minutes later, Elsa opens the front door of her inn and leans against the deck next to Anna. It’s a calm Monday morning, most of the shops aren’t open yet and the locals are still inside doing their morning routines. For now, it’s just the two of them.

Anna is the one to break the silence: “Hey.”

“Hey,” Elsa replies.

“What room did they choose?” Anna points a thumb back towards the inn.

“The Blue Room,” she answers. “The guy said his fiance gets cold at night, and the bed in there has the thickest sheets.”

“Would you have given them the White Room if I wasn’t in it?”

“Maybe. I’d still have to clean it up a bit. Though, considering the work you put in cleaning the bathroom, I’m assuming I wouldn’t have to do much.”

“Oh, you already noticed that.” Anna bites her lip, she hoped that she’d be long gone before Elsa noticed how much she’d cleaned up the place. “I couldn’t sleep last night, and I figured some manual labor would tire me out.”

Elsa looks at her confused, “I thought you said you slept pretty well.”

“Yeah, I…may have lied about that.”

“Oh.”

Knowing she can’t waste any more time, Anna starts to say the words she’d been thinking about all night, “Elsa, I need to apologize for what I did to you last night.”

Elsa winces so hard that she closes her eyes. “You really don’t have to do that.”

“No, I do. I owe you an apology, and an explanation, and I need to tell you why I made the wrong choice.”

“If you’re just trying to let me down easy-”

“I'm not.” Anna braves a step in Elsa’s direction and places a hand on her shoulder. When she doesn’t pull away, Anna softens her tone and says, “I’m not. Elsa, could you look at me?”

A few agonizing seconds pass. Each one brings about a different kind of scenario, most of them ending with Elsa leaving her on the front porch to think about the consequences of her actions. But finally, Elsa does look at her, and there’s a sadness in her eyes that Anna hopes she can get rid of.

“Elsa, I like you…I really like you. And I should have told you that last night, I shouldn’t have let you down, but I got too into my own head. I didn’t want to lead you on knowing that I was going to leave a few hours later, you deserve better than that. But then I realized that I don’t get to choose what you deserve. You do. And you chose me.”

“I did,” Elsa responds, though it’s so soft and subtle that it feels more like she’s saying it to herself. Anna still heard it, though, and she noticed that Elsa didn’t say those words with any sense of regret. This is the best sign she could have asked for.

Anna scoots her free hand closer to Elsa’s. “I want to try. With us. If there’s still some part of you that has feelings for me, could we start over?”

She had more to say, most of it being her laying out her plan to make the long-distance relationship thing work (it would involve frozen yogurt, bracelets, and soundproof doors). But ending there felt right, even if it meant she now had to wait for however long it would take Elsa to respond.

“No.”

Oh, well that didn’t take long at all.

This is an outcome that Anna expected, but not one she ever prepared herself for. As she feels the ground beneath her feet give way, she begins to scoot away from Elsa in order to keep the woman from falling with her. However, Elsa doesn’t let her. She quickly and strongly takes Anna’s hand into hers, keeping her from falling, and she finishes her thought with another soft smile.

“…but we can continue where we left off.”

Confusion turns into intrigue which finally gives way to happiness. They both lean in at the same time, pressing their lips against each other’s as their grip on each other’s hands tightens. Anna came to Sanity’s Rest seeking refuge after her own idiocy, and though she’s getting back on the road today she knows she’s not really leaving.

Because as long as Elsa’s here, a part of her will be too.

[bigreputation92592]

Please help me make my wildest dreams come true! I want to dance like a disco ball, and even though I am quadriplegic, I still know how to shake it off.

@taylorswift

Dear Ms. Taylor Alison Swift and Management team:

My name is Kelly Sagiv, and I am currently 30-year-old. I was 10 years old when I was involved in a SUV accident. I was diagnosed with a tare of the brainstem, which led me to become a C1-C2 quadriplegic with vocal cord paralysis. 

On April 13, 2003, my family and I were driving from New York to Florida when the back left tire blew out and as a result my I were ejected from the SUV along with my father, sister Lily, twin sister Ashley, and my two dogs. 

Luckily, an off-duty nurse was driving behind us on her way to work at the hospital. She called the first responders to help us. The police and firefighters managed to locate my father, my sisters and my 2 dogs. However, they struggled to find me.  My mother was still stuck in the car, and started screaming, "Where is Kelly?" Having heard my mother shrieking, my twin sister Ashley immediately crawled out of the grass and began searching for me. It was as if something was guiding her to me. “Twin intuition is a real thing!” They found my body in the woods. The off-duty nurse began CPR and was able to resuscitate me. Then she feels my pulse, but I was still unconscious.             “Light! Give me light! “Helen Keller. You, Taylor Swift, mentioned this in one of your tracks on your 1989 album, “Out of the Woods”.  “Are we out of the woods yet? Are we out of the woods yet? Are we out of the woods yet? Are we in the clear? Are we in the clear? Are we in the clear yet? In the clear yet, Good” (Are we out of the woods?)

My sister Lily and I were airlifted to Medical University of South Carolina. I had to get a tracheostomy placed and have a feeding tube inserted. There's a proverb that goes something like, "As you approach death, a brilliant light emerges in your eyes." After being dead for a few minutes, I was miraculously revived. I can't say for sure if I genuinely saw the light before my eyes as death approached. Much of my time at the South Carolina hospital is a total haze. I felt like I was floating on a bed of clouds, and all I could see were the lights and the people sitting around me.

After several CT scans and MRI’s, we were told that my neck and vertebra were dislocated. The doctors in Mount Sinai looked at my mother, stunned, and told her, "You are very lucky that Kelly didn’t die." The doctor informed my mother that I had to undergo a very risky with only 3% survival rate to attach my neck to my body.  I was not able to move any part of my body, and I was like a vegetable, only able communicate with my eyes. 

On the tenth day since arriving at Mount Sinai Hospital, I underwent a procedure in which a halo was placed on my head to prevent it from moving. I felt like a freak, like I looked like a scary Frankenstein. I did not realize my injury, my diagnosis, my sister's diagnosis, my father's diagnosis, and everything else. A few weeks later, I found out I had a tare of the brainstem; my dad had a spinal cord injury, broken ribs, and a broken neck; and my sister Lily had a T6 spinal cord injury.

I’ve lived with this for 20 years. It’s still really hard living without mobility or a voice. I guess I just got used to it and am surviving. 

My sister Lily and I have a special bond in which we share a form of paralysis. We also shared other passions in sports and music, specifically our love of Taylor Swift. We even changed up some of the lyrics to fit us. On her album Fearless, she sings, You belong with me, but she wears short skirts I wear T-shirts. She's cheer captain, and "I'm in a wheelchair."

Taylor, you are the queen of the "bridge." We often make videos reciting the bridge part from her songs. Lily and I find your music therapeutic. There is something powerful, talented, brilliant, brave, fearless, meaningful, and smooth about Taylor's music. Taylor's music is inspirational. You are a lyrical genius. In the 1989 album's song "Clean," you sing, "The water filled my lungs; I screamed so loud, but no one heard a thing." Although I do not have a voice to sing along, I feel these words every day. Things happen in life. There are always ups and downs. Whenever I felt down, whether related to my paralysis or the world, I played "Shake It Off." I breathe, with the song blasting, shaking my head back and forth, and screaming, "Fuck yes, shake it off!"

I find myself getting lost in Taylor's lyrics. As Taylor Swift sings in All Too Well, "Time won't fly; it's like I'm paralyzed by it. I'd like to be my old self again, but I'm still trying to find it." Honestly, that is exactly how I feel. I am still trying to love myself again. I used to be a person who loved life. I used to be that person before I had my accident. I still have that person inside me waiting to explode and discover the world again.            

I had gotten pneumonia. Sadly, all I wanted was to be alone in the room and listen to Taylor Swift music at the hospital. 

My sister Lily decided to come into my room, and all I wanted to do now was change another lyric to Taylor’s song; we decided to change the lyrics to "Clean," " The water filled my lungs; I screamed so loud, but no one heard a thing, and I added, "Medicine Drips, Now I could Finally Breath! 

When such moments come, I discover that I am using my thoughts to wage war against the monsters that are inside me. My continuous battle with depression is something that I am aware of, and I am doing my best to cope with it. Because I don't always feel driven to accomplish anything, it is challenging for me to get anything done at all. 

My mood swings fluctuate like a scale that fluctuates up and down. It's never consistent. My critical internal monologue tells me that I am ugly, fat, hopeless, and worthless, and have a big, unsightly nose. It also tells me that I am obese. In my opinion, there will never be anyone who wants to be with me. In my mind, I think that my friends only spend time with me because they feel sorry for me and want to make me feel better about myself. I feel like this is the only reason they hang out together. 

Sometimes I get the impression that no one appreciates my personality or the kind of person I am. I get the feeling that I am "always" the problem, much like how Taylor Swift referred to herself in the song "Anti Hero" from her album "Midnights," saying "It's me, Hi!" I'm the problem; it's me, it's me, hi! I'm the problem; it's me. Everybody agrees. I'll stare directly at the sun, but never in the mirror. It must be exhausting always rooting for the anti-hero."

          Most of my life, I've been embarrassed about my appearance, and sometimes I feel like everyone around me is "gorgeous on the inside and outside." While I'm like the ugly duckling of the wicked west, who has no regard for her own appearance because she believes she is worthless, unattractive, useless, and fat to everyone around her, according to her, she does not believe she is worthy as a person and will never find true love. The more I look around, the more I find myself feeling jealous of what other people are doing in my environment that I am not able to do. When I see people doing everything, they want without depending on anyone, I become emotional, teary-eyed, and depressed. I believe in my heart that they live a better life than I do. They do not need to rely on anyone for assistance, as I do. When I am among other people, sometimes I feel like saying, "Sometimes I feel like everybody is a sexy baby." "And I'm a monster on the hill." Mentioned in the song, “Anti- Hero” by Taylor Swift from her “Midnights” album.                            

I’ve been voiceless for almost 20 years now. Before Taylor Swift came into the music industry, I was broken inside. You don’t understand how much Taylor Swift has helped me in my life and given me positive and optimistic vibes through her music journey. Thank you for being vulnerable, opening your heart, and sharing your journey with the world.

You don't realize how important you are to me and how much you contribute to my life. I'm emotionally writing this to you. You mean so much to me. Your lyrics are inspiring and powerful to me. Your songs help me get through life every day. You make me want to fight and never give up. You inspire me to remain optimistic about life. Your songs shine brightly and brighten my day. I want to attend The Eras Tour, not only because I love your music but also because I want to be there. I want to be there because your music keeps me optimistic about life and calms my mental health. “Best believe I'm still bejeweled When I walk in the room... I can still make the whole place shimmer.”

My transformation into a Swiftie fan began when I heard Love Story, a song from the Fearless album. Being a Swiftie fan has always been dear to my heart, and it only gets stronger with every passing day or year. I had a fantastic time on both the Speak Now Tour and the Red Tours. It has been a tremendous privilege of mine to see both global tours in person. Due to my need for constant assistance, I was unable to go to either the 1989 world tour or the Reputation Stadium Tour. As you were touring the globe, I was unable to travel into any of the cities or states see you on your world tour. My sister Lily and my cousin from New York made the trip to Florida to see you on the 1989 world tour. My sister Lily also was able to fly into Phoenix, AZ, with my cousin to see you on the Reputation Stadium Tour. The circumstances have left me feeling down and discouraged. After learning that you had added a show at MetLife on Sunday, May28, 2023 on The Eras Tour, I waited for wheelchair accessible tickets to go on sale via TicketMaster so that I wouldn't have to go through the same upsetting and depressing experience again.

I, along with many other Swift fans, was outraged. I logged on to Ticketmaster at 1:30 pm, waiting for my turn. After two hours of waiting, it directed me to where it says general availability will be Friday at 10:00 a.m. EST. The next morning, Ticketmaster tweeted that they were no longer selling general admission tickets.

Unfortunately, scalpers purchased most of the tickets, and each ticket is triple the price! Wheelchair-accessible tickets cost more than regular tickets. I find it disgusting and unpleasant. I feel like scalpers bought the wheelchair accessible tickets on the floor and then changed the price for each wheelchair accessible ticket by quadrupling the price. They take advantage, and it’s disgraceful! I need to purchase at least 5 tickets, and each ticket costs $2700 and that doesn't include the tax fees. It is too much for me to pay because I still must purchase airline tickets. I know that you’re already informed about the Taylor Swift’s tickets. I’m reaching out anyways in the hope you will be able to help me obtain 4-5 wheelchair accessible tickets on the floor at most. I would need my families to help me 24/7. I am quadriplegic and have vocal cord paralysis, but I still know how to shake it off! I hope you’re able to help me. I hope you come across this letter.

Thank you for your time. Thank you for taking the time to read about me and my story. Means the world to me. @taylorswift

Sincerely,

Kelly Sagiv @taylornation

[hereslucille]

full name: lucille anne thomas aliases: lucille owens ( married to negan ), lucille clank ( married to russell ) birthday: april 26th zodiac: taurus hometown: salem, virginia ( ogden marsh, ia for crazies verse ) occupation: high school english teacher ( pre-apocalypse ) family: frank thomas, father ( status unknown ) claudia thomas, mother ( deceased ) judy thomas, step-mother ( status unknown ) zach, david, kevin thomas, older brothers ( statuses unknown ) positive qualities: loyal, brave, headstrong negative qualities: stubborn, short-fused, foul-mouthed

cw : there are mentions of illness (cancer) in lucille’s story. please proceed with caution.

grew up in abingdon, virginia as the youngest, has three older brothers

her mother was diagnosed with stage four breast cancer when she was eleven years old. she passed away a year later.

her father remarried when lucille was in high school to a wonderful woman. though she misses her mom every day, she is incredibly close with her stepmother.

met negan owens when she was hired to work at salem high school in salem, virginia. he was the baseball coach and gym teacher. they began dating two months later and were married the following summer.

six years into their marriage, the owenses were down on their luck. negan’s impulsivity led to him punching a guy at their local hangout. this man happened to be the father of one of their students, which led to negan getting fired from his job and swamped with paying for the victim’s medical bills and legal fees. this was stacked on negan dragging his feet to find a new job or to apply for unemployment.

lucille started experiencing pains in her lower left side. an examination by her doctor led to scans, which led to a grim diagnosis from an oncologist. she was diagnosed with stage three pancreatic cancer, which has a five percent survival rate beyond five years.

the same day that she was diagnosed, she found out that negan was having an affair with one of her best friends. despite the news, she stuck out their marriage because she couldn’t handle or afford a divorce on top of their current financial state and a terminal cancer diagnosis.

after two rounds of treatments and an extensive surgery, she was officially deemed in remission from cancer, beating impossible odds. within the next couple of weeks, divorce papers were filed.

a year later, the apocalypse broke out. the normalcy lucille had been trying to rebuild in her life was wiped away and a new adventure began.

[bipolarinboston]

Mental Health Month posts from Facebook (because sharing multi year posts suck)

2023

So is it Mental Health Awareness Month? Or could it be Mental Health Acceptance Month? I guess it's a matter of education. But I was inspired by the fact that April is Autism Acceptance Month. I don't know if the sentiment is the same.

* I am out at work as much as I feel comfortable. I lead an internal DEI group and we introduce ourselves each meeting using roles outside of work. I'm a queer person who uses They/She pronouns and I'm a peer with lived mental health experience. My boss and a couple coworkers know I'm a presenter for In Our Own Voice because I invited them to present for June's DEI meeting. But I am NOT comfortable sharing my diagnosis to work (minus my friend) and I can't present myself sadly.

* About this time last year I volunteered to be a 'tech buddy' DBSA is STILL USING ZOOM. This is good for me because the commute home from Belmont after 9pm would be unbearable. Tech Buddies are the zoom host, and help take attendance and manage the speakers queue with raised hands. Going to DBSA let me know I'm not alone in a way I hadn't experienced before.

* My individual gave up her office early on in COVID and is permanently virtual. My group therapist retired in July and I had to say good bye on zoom. His replacement is private pay, but I'm using FSA funds to justify it. I started seeing my Psychiatrist in person only for him to retire 6 months after group did! I'm currently without a prescriber for the 3 time since 2016. Charlestown MGH is overloaded with patients and understaffed. The one difference this time is that I'm stable.

* I'm still running, but I started stressing about it in October, and I think my COVID bout (which was mild) is still impacting my performance. My photo a day streak is STRONG. I even called into a podcast who was doing an episode on "what works for me" because it really does help me get out the house. That and obsessing over step counts.

I enjoy making mental health content during May, but I feel like I'd just be repeating myself this month. Enough has changed from last year to write out this post. If you're still reading I bet you're very aware and I hope you're even accepting at this point.

2022

Mental Health Awareness Month is here again and I'll be posting for the third year.

In a perfect world I could be out on my public twitter. In a perfect world I could disclose online without any fear that come next job hunt, someone in HR will find that and take a pass on me. In a perfect world I could disclose at work even though I don't need any accommodations. It's not a uniform system but I've cobbled together fb, instagram, and my anonymous bipolar twitter account as safe spaces to share. I'm trying to feel less segmented but it's difficult when real world repercussions are a possibility.

Still zooming with NAMI's In Our Own Voice. They're starting to get in person presentations but it's just easier for me logistically to stay virtual. I've zoomed with plenty of places I'd never be able to get to in person.

This time last year I joined DBSA (Depression Bipolar Support Alliance) Boston, a peer led org that hosts support groups. I'm busy Wednesday nights zooming with the "Young" Adults group. A bunch of millennials and gen z folks using their lived experience as shorthand to bond. It's meant a lot to me and I'm walking with team DBSA for this year's NAMI Walk.

Covid still drags on. Last couple of Mays I wrote that I was glad I had Bipolar. And it's still true. My toolbox of coping skills is flush with things I knew, like taking baths with epsom salt, and things I've learned during the pandemic, like how I developed a running habit. My take a photo a day streak inspires me to get outside. And perhaps most importantly I can still see my prescriber, my individual and my group therapists remotely.

So happy Mental Health Awareness month. You're probably very aware at this point.

2021

I’m taking part in Mental Health Awareness Month again. I am still not out on Twitter*. I still cannot publicly disclose my bipolar, or even just 'mental illness' on an account with my full name for fear of personal and professional repercussions. In these kinds of spaces, it is much easier to navigate out as queer than out as bipolar. *This January I started an alternate anonymous twitter account so I can better engage with the neurodivergent, disabled and mental illness communities. (You'd be surprised at how much those overlap)

Before all of this began, I signed up NAMI's In Our Own Voice. You’ve probably heard about it whenever I mentioned the NAMI Walks I’m doing in a few weeks. We started zooming in August and I want to say it was one of the best decisions I made in terms of advocacy and stigma busting. I have presented to different groups, college nursing classes, one of the inpatient units at McLean Hospital, and several groups of Family to Family, the program mom took 15 years ago when I was initially diagnosed.

After over a year of Covid, I'm still GLAD I’m Bipolar. There's a collective mental health flare happening right now. But I have my diagnosis, meds, my therapy, and coping skills. I have a toolbox of things to try when I am stressed out or sliding backwards. And perhaps most importantly I have established relationships with my individual, group and my prescriber. I am so lucky that I've been able to see them remotely.

So happy Mental Health Awareness month. Now you're probably even more aware.

2020

Mental Health Month Post: I realized something: I am not out on Twitter. I can not publicly disclose my bipolar, or even just 'mental illness' for fear of personal and professional repercussions. I am more out in my queerness than in my mental health struggles. How ironic is that? I wish things were different.

When I signed up NAMI's In Our Own Voice, I was hoping to use it as a tool for greater advocacy but also to increase my "outness" as a bipolar person. Even though the training was Presidents Day Weekend, I never thought that a pandemic would put all presentations on hold.

Sure I participate in chronic illness (disability) twitter and will 'flirt' with outing myself. If you read behind the lines, check who I follow and talk to, you may be able to out me. But I talk about my crohns and humira, not lithium, and I leave therapy to my journal on patientslikeme.

But at a time like this I'm actually GLAD I am Bipolar. There's going to be a mental health flare when Covid starts to wind down. But I already have my diagnosis, meds, my therapy, and coping skills. I already have a toolbox of things to try when I am stressed out or sliding backwards. And perhaps most importantly I already have established relationships with my individual, group and my prescriber.

So happy Mental Health Awareness month. Now you're probably more aware.

[wushigod]

An Illinois court late Friday according to Forbes has ordered pharmaceutical giant Johnson & Johnson and Kenvue to pay $45 million to a family that alleged the companies’ talcum-based baby powder led to the death of a relative diagnosed with a fatal cancer linked to asbestos exposure, the company’s latest legal issue involving talc products. KEY FACTS Theresa Garcia died in July 2020 after being diagnosed with mesothelioma, a cancer frequently connected to asbestos exposure, and her family filed a lawsuit alleging that Garcia’s frequent use of the companies’ talcum-based baby powder led to her diagnosis, according to a news release from legal firm Dean Omar Branham Shirley, which represented the family. The firm’s news release said that throughout the case attorneys showed evidence that the products “contained asbestos fibers” and experts “explained that the daily use and amount inhaled by Ms. Garcia throughout her life led to her mesothelioma.” The jury found that Kenvue, the former consumer healthcare division of the pharmaceutical giant that became an independent company in August 2023, was responsible for 70% of the issues that led to Garcia’s death while Johnson & Johnson and another unit were responsible for the remaining 30%, according to the release. J&J’s Worldwide Vice President of Litigation Erik Haas said in a statement the company plans to appeal Friday’s ruling immediately and expects to be successful, going on to say: “The verdict in this trial is irreconcilable with the decades of independent scientific evaluations confirming talc is safe, does not contain asbestos, and does not cause cancer.” Johnson & Johnson won a similar lawsuit in a Florida court Thursday, according to multiple outlets, after a jury decided the company’s baby powder did not lead to the ovarian cancer diagnosis of Patricia Matthey, who used the powder daily and died in 2019 after being diagnosed with the cancer in 2016. KEY BACKGROUND Johnson & Johnson has maintained that its talc-based baby powder does not contain asbestos nor does it cause cancer, and announced in August 2022 it would swap out the substance with cornstarch in products globally beginning in 2023. It previously announced the discontinuation of its talc-based products in North America in 2020, citing declining sales. The Justice Department opened a probe into the products in July 2019, investigating what the company knew about the risk of cancer. Amid thousands of lawsuits over allegations of talc-induced health problems, Johnson & Johnson filed for bankruptcy twice, in October 2021 and April 2023. As part of one of the filings, the company proposed an $8.9 billion settlement last April to resolve the claims brought by thousands of plaintiffs, but the plan was ultimately rejected by a judge in July. BIG NUMBER More than 50,000. That’s how many lawsuits the pharmaceutical giant was facing over the talcum-based baby powder as of December 2023, according to Reuters. TANGENT In January, Johnson & Johnson reportedly entered a tentative agreement that involved the company paying $700 million for the marketing of its talcum baby powder after an investigation from more than 400 states and thousands of lawsuits.

[drrogerjou]

CASY Cultural Autism Studies (The Ethnography Project led by Dr. Dawn Prince-Hughes) Online Speaker Series is delighted to welcome Julia Lee Barclay-Morton, Ph.D. on Sunday, April 14, 1:00 p.m. EDT. The title of her talk is “IT SAVES YOUR LIFE: On Reframing Life After Very Late Autism Diagnosis.”

There is no cost to attend, and international participants are invited to join. RSVP online though our borderless Meetup group https://www.meetup.com/projectcasy/events/299687000/

DESCRIPTION (provided by the guest): I will discuss the process of writing and researching IT SAVES YOUR LIFE, notes on very late-diagnosed autism, ableism and awe, a researched memoir-in-progress about the liberation of being diagnosed Autistic at 57 in 2021 and reframing my life as a consequence. Integrated within the memoir is a parallel timeline of the misconceptions, mistreatments, and misdiagnoses of autism during my lifetime, through to the hard-fought movement to depathologize autism, which has emerged primarily from within the adult Autistic community itself. Also woven into the memoir is the understory of the “lines of flight" that gave me air and space to breathe throughout my life including theater, writing, yoga, and sobriety, alongside a lesser-known more autism-friendly timeline, including recently available writing about and by a radical French educator who created a haven in the 1960s-80s where non-speaking Autistic children could live freely as themselves.

BRIEF BIOGRAPHY: Julia Lee Barclay-Morton, Ph.D. is an award-winning writer/director, whose writing has been produced and published internationally; her first book, a hybrid collection, THE MORTALITY SHOT was published in 2022 by Liquid Cat Books; forthcoming essay (excerpted from memoir) in Autism in Adulthood, with recent publications in Oldster, Prairie Schooner, [PANK], Heavy Feather Review, and Nomadic Press. She founded Apocryphal Theatre when in London (2003-11), which work was the basis of her fully-funded Ph.D. from University of Northampton (2009); two decades of her experimental stage texts were streamed in 2022, commissioned by Radio Art Zone. She is now working on her memoir about being diagnosed autistic very late in life, while painting and teaching in NYC where she lives with her husband and cat. More at TheUnadaptedOnes.com.

About CASY Cultural Autism Studies (The Ethnography Project led by Dr. Dawn Prince-Hughes): An 'ethnography' is an exploration of how a group of people express themselves in a cultural way. Autistic people have a growing kind of culture, and each autistic experience is a vital part of it. Dr. Dawn Prince-Hughes is an anthropologist, ethnographer, primatologist, and author who is autistic. Join her for an exploration of the importance of autistic self-expression and the culture that grows from it. Those who wish to share their content are free to do so on our private Facebook group (see below), organically contributing to a growing autistic culture.

Links to online events will also be shared on these private Facebook groups: SOCIAL CONNECTIVITY FOR AUTISM (http://tinyurl.com/mrxnxmnc) or CASY Cultural Autism Studies... The Ethnography Project (http://tinyurl.com/4ckbyut7).

CREDITS: The preparation of this material was financed under an agreement with the Connecticut Council on Developmental Disabilities (CTCDD). CASY Sparks membership, activities and events are free. CASY Sparks is sponsored in part by The Daniel Jordan Fiddle Foundation Adult Autism Research Fund, and a generous gift from the Rosen family, and the research of Dr. Roger Jou, including Simons Foundation Powering Autism Research (SPARK) Clinical Site Network - Yale University (https://www.SPARKforAutism.org/Yale).

[shannendoherty-fans]

Shannen Doherty Wants to 'Embrace Life' as Cancer Has Spread to Her Bones: 'My Greatest Memory Is Yet to Come' (Exclusive)

The 'Beverly Hills, 90210' star opens up in PEOPLE's latest cover story about her Stage 4 cancer diagnosis and how she hopes to inspire others by focusing on her future

ByDanielle Bacher

Updated on November 29, 2023 09:29AM EST

Shannen Doherty doesn’t mince words.

“I don’t want to die,” she asserts as a sliver of Los Angeles sunshine falls across her face on the set of her PEOPLE cover shoot four days before Thanksgiving.

The actress — who is best known for her roles on the hit ’90s TV show Beverly Hills, 90210 and later, Charmed — is characteristically candid, upbeat and dry-witted as she opens up about her Stage 4 breast cancer that has spread to her bones.

As she continues to receive treatment, the 52-year-old is more determined than ever to keep moving forward. “I’m not done with living. I’m not done with loving. I’m not done with creating. I’m not done with hopefully changing things for the better,” she says, cracking a smile. "I’m just not — I’m not done.”

Doherty’s eight-year journey with cancer has led her to reflect on the big picture of her life, a theme she will explore on her memoir-style podcast, Let’s Be Clear with Shannen Doherty, premiering Dec. 6 on iHeartRadio, where she plans to discuss everything from career highlights and past relationships to the numerous stages of her illness and health regimens.

After her initial breast cancer diagnosis in 2015 that she first shared with PEOPLE, Doherty had a mastectomy and underwent chemotherapy and radiation.

In April 2017, she revealed on Instagram she went into remission. But by 2019, the cancer returned — and she announced her diagnosis of metastatic stage 4 cancer the following year.

“When you ask yourself, ‘Why me? Why did I get cancer?’ and then ‘Why did my cancer come back? Why am I stage 4?,’ that leads you to look for the bigger purpose in life,” she explains.

She hopes to raise awareness and funds for cancer research — while showing that people with terminal cancer still have plenty to contribute to the world. “It’s insane to me [that] we still don’t have a cure,” she says.

In June, Doherty shared on Instagram that the cancer had spread to her brain and that she had undergone surgery five months earlier to remove a brain tumor. With dark humor, she named it Bob.

“He had to get removed and dissected to see his pathology,” she explains. “It was definitely one of the scariest things I’ve ever been through in my entire life.”

Right now, Doherty hopes to get into clinical trials as new treatments are developed. (It is estimated 168,000 people are living with metastatic breast cancer, according to the Susan G. Komen organization.) But she is most driven by her desire to prove that she can work despite her cancer diagnosis. And it's that deep-seated sense of discipline that helps her carry on.

“People just assume that it means you can’t walk, you can’t eat, you can’t work. They put you out to pasture at a very early age —‘You’re done, you’re retired,’ and we’re not,” she says. “We’re vibrant, and we have such a different outlook on life. We are people who want to work and embrace life and keep moving forward.”

Never miss a story — sign up for PEOPLE's free daily newsletter to stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer.

Each morning, the actress feels grateful for another day with her friends, her family and her German shepherd Bowie.

"My greatest memory is yet to come," she says. "I pray. I wake up and go to bed thanking God, praying for the things that matter to me without asking for too much. It connects me to a higher power and spirituality. My faith is my mantra.”

As she explains, when you have cancer, everything is more poignant, and the sky is bluer.

“I know it sounds cheesy and crazy, but you’re just more aware of everything, and you feel so blessed. We’re the people who want to work the most, because we’re just so grateful for every second, every hour, every day we get to be here.”

For more on Shannen Doherty's cancer journey and how she's finding moments of joy amid her diagnosis, pick up the latest issue of PEOPLE, on newsstands Friday.

[nashvillehq]

name: Hayes Porter gender & pronouns: Cis Man | He/Him age & date of birth: 26 years old | April 26th, 1997 neighborhood: Downtown time in nashville: 6 years (previously 6 years) occupation: Audio Engineer

BACKGROUND.

Hayes Porter was the least lonely only child. Born in the outskirts of Nashville to a wild and large family, there was always a cousin to play with, an aunt or uncle to check under the bed for monsters while his parents were away. He grew up beside Judith, his cousin closest to his age, and they quickly became best friends. Always playing, never far away from the other at family functions. But when they were six and Judith started acting, Hayes’ mother and father decided that they couldn’t sit still. They wanted to travel the world, escape the wild antics of their extended family and follow their dreams of becoming travel writers. 

  But they couldn’t do all that with a child, so they flew Hayes down to the coast of North Carolina to live with his grandparents on his father’s side. There, they taught him the basics on being human. How to cook, how to fix things around the house. Hayes quickly picked up on taking machines apart and putting them back together. It helped keep his typically racing mind steady and his hands busy. And the satisfaction of putting something back together and watching it come to life made him feel like he had a purpose.

  In school, Hayes had a hard time. A late ADHD diagnosis explained his behavior and inability to sit still that affected his grades, but spending most of his time entertaining his group of friends in class rather than paying attention tanked them. He was a popular kid, spending afternoons on the beach surfing with his friends when he wasn’t working in his grandpa’s auto shop, Hayes wasn’t worried about secondary education the way his grandmother was. His grandmother wanted him to have all the opportunities in the world, opportunities that they didn’t. So when he was a senior in high school and saw how upset his grandmother was to hear that he might not graduate on time, he put more focus on schoolwork for her. It wasn’t a great finish, but Hayes did end up getting his diploma on time.

  When he was twenty, he took a trip back out to Nashville with some friends, taking in the sights and sounds of one of the most musical cities in the world, when he bumped into his cousin. Judith - now going by Chloe Campbell - had been in the news for a while. Crazy successful, Hayes had supported her from his small town in North Carolina, but never reached out. He wasn’t one for the glamorous life that Chloe now led, but after hearing some stories, he wondered if maybe he should’ve stayed in contact with her. 

  It wasn’t until he saw her in person that he really understood the gravity of her situation. The adults in her life failed her, and Hayes wasn’t about to let family suffer on his watch. After helping Chloe through some of her situation, he packed up his life in North Carolina and headed back to Nashville. Starting off in an auto body shop, being surrounded by music got him interested. 

  Not in the performance aspect, but the science behind creating music. Cutting, editing, leveling sound to create a finished product that the world would enjoy. Just like fixing a car. After some trade school classes, and an internship, Hayes managed to get a job working with local performers with the help of his cousin. Hayes loves his job, working with up and coming and established performers to create the best music in the business.