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in-tua-deep · 3 years ago

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Ok I totally want to hear more about this survivors au/Delores is real! How do the siblings handle having this different version of Five? Five may be better adjusted but he still has to heard his family around like a bunch of stray cats. What happens when Hazel and Cha Cha show up? How do they find out that Vanya causes the apocalypse and how does Five handle that revelation?!

here is the thing, i think the survivors au has the potential to be HILARIOUS

no one knows how to handle a well-adjusted five, and this absolutely includes the commission

So you mentioned Hazel and Cha-Cha?? Five in this au was not nearly as absolutely feral as he is in the show bc he knows how to interact with people - he was raised by a competent adult and a weird best friend and they occasionally saw other survivors as well

please picture old Five hanging around the water cooler and chatting with Hazel

the other funny thing is that Five is competent passing - he is well adjusted emotionally but functionally?? Hazel is out there complaining about dental being cut and office parties and budgets and Five is there sipping his drink having never filed taxes in his life. Five doesn't know what the fuck a dental plan is, he was a child soldier and then lived in an apocalypse.

So please picture for me Hazel being like "okay I know corporate wants us to keep what we're being paid to ourselves but fuck that, workers unite, what do you get paid as a legend old timer?"

and five is like "you're getting paid? i get to not get tossed back into the apocalypse, I think"

"but what about expense forms? what about medical care?"

"I'm like 80% sure i'm being experimented on, actually." Five says nonchalantly, "Don't get me wrong, my idea of medical care is fucked by being a child soldier but I'm pretty sure regular people don't have electrodes attached to their heads every time they get a checkup. Could be wrong though! My ex-dad used to monitor my brainwaves while I slept so like, my idea of appropriate shit is fucked, you know?"

This is a Five who was raised by Rick, he is polite to his coworkers. If Dot asked him if he wanted to grab lunch, Five would have gone and grabbed lunch with her or politely said that he couldn't.

Cha Cha only ever talks to Five when she wants to talk shop, so they've had a couple of conversations about weapons but not much else tbh, Hazel just tends to be more personable

So when they're sent after Five, Hazel is much more hesitant to kill who he perceives as a "work friend" and also is definitely thinking about all the times Five casually revealed a way the commission was being highkey shady about him, such as the potential experimentation, no pay, working under duress etc. He's much more easily turned against the commission because he's even more primed to say "fuck the commission" than he is in canon

Hazel out here like "how did Five break his contract when Five wasn't even being paid? I kind of want to read it."

Hazel out here like "I would unionize if I didn't think the commission was anti-union enough to send literal assassins after me if I suggested it :/"

meanwhile with the siblings

Five just. talks over them a lot and makes so much sense that it's actually really hard to argue with him, and he's weirdly considerate of his family's obligations

Like Diego is like "i have to go see Patch" then Five is like "that's great I'm proud of you buddy, it would actually be really handy to have some law enforcement read into the situation if you think she's up to the task. that goes for everyone by the way! If y'all have people you trust, more bodies would be super helpful I think"

the entire family, collectively, who have like zero trusted social links: uhhhhhhhh

Diego, with this weird permission, probably?? Does? Awkwardly attempt to read Patch into the situation? Patch is, obviously, like "what the fuck, Diego" but probably goes with him to the mansion (????????) because she's concerned and then meets his fucking whacko family with their superpowers and suddenly everything is 100% more realistic

Five is just like "yes hello I'm aware I look like a child, i'm actually in my late 50s or early 60s (apocalypse time amiright) because of time travel stuff. Yes I am Five Hargreeves who went missing in like 2002 or whatever. anyway it's lovely to meet you, i'm so glad diego has someone he trusts, and considering my sibling's shifty looks when i told them to invite anyone they trusted this genuinely makes me concerned that Diego is the most socially well-adjusted of them."

"That cannot be possible." Patch says, like someone who has met Diego Hargreeves.

"You haven't met the rest." Five says sympathetically, "In our defense we were raised in isolation as child soldiers."

"That... explains so much." Is all Patch can say to that, "But you seem..."

"I'm adopted." Five waves away.

"We're ALL adopted." Diego grits out, very aggrieved by this and also not sure if he likes the fact that Patch seems friendly with Five, or at least is listening to him?

"I'm double adopted."

However! With the recruitment of Patch, herding Diego becomes like 90% easier.

Honestly the worst to herd are probably Luther and Allison? Luther because he's Number One and resents Five taking charge and also resents Five's casual dismissal of Reginald and also suspects that Five (or at least the commission) has something to do with Reginald's death?

Allison because she is torn between following Luther and helping him and helping Five but also calling Patrick and Claire at every possible moment while ALSO trying to repair her relationship with Vanya. She's flighty - she'd bail on a Five-apocalypse-assignment if Vanya mentioned being hungry or if Luther called or anything like that

Vanya likes to be included and, if asked, would probably drop as many current obligations as she can. Like she would probably cancel her teaching if Five genuinely and sincerely asked her for her help, which he does because he's 100% sure Dolores would manifest in front of him and smack him if he dared even imply someone without powers wouldn't be helpful

Vanya is like "I'm not sure if i'll be helpful - I don't have powers ):" and Patch is like "wtf are you talking about - my superpowers are Gun, Backup, and Reading Comprehension and i am like the most useful member of this team right now"

Vanya gets a confidence boost just from hanging out with Patch honestly, I think they should be friends

Klaus is thrilled to be included are you kidding?? He says he does it for money but he's just happy to be there and also as one of the most emotionally intelligent siblings he is mildly concerned about the fact that Five looks like he's about to cry and also emotes

Five also gives Klaus positive reinforcement, hugs, and Five absolutely weaponizes the I'm not mad, but I believe that you can do better and I'm going to give you more chances because I love you and fully believe that next time you'll be amazing way that Rick used on him.

I feel like Five ends up saying something along the lines of "I understand that x is really important, and we're definitely going to look into it. Is it something that needs to be addressed right now, or is it something that can wait until after April 1st? If it can wait, I can write it down here on this list so we don't forget. If it can't wait then we can figure out a time to address it and help you" a lot

Like Grace malfunctioning and potentially killing Reginald?

"We don't have to make this decision right now." Five says patiently, "Because Grace is a robot, we have some options. Living with a robot who is potentially malfunctioning and homicidal is dangerous, but Luther saying that means admitting that Reginald might have made a mistake or error with Grace's programming or upkeep. I haven't been here for a long time, but I remember Reginald being very precise. Regardless, this isn't a choice between permanently shutting her off or not. We can shut her down temporarily until we can fully address the issue. We can ask and see if there is a 'system reboot' option or some sort of system check that Grace can undergo. We can try find and hire an expert to take a look at her programming to find the issue."

Five gives this speech while like, organizing the weaponry in the house on a table very nonchalantly

Five out here making buzzer noises at his siblings arguments like "yeah no that's a false dichotomy and a strawman's argument, want to try again?"

(Look apocalypse nights were long and they had games that were literally about arguing pointless shit like ranking types of chairs or the best way to break out of a prison without powers and things could get heated)

"Who died and made you boss?" Luther demands.

"Uh, the world? Were you not listening?" Five asks, looking very purposefully confused.

It gets even MORE delightful when Five reads Rick into the situation because a) he promised and b) his siblings really have like, no connections jeeze

Rick fully believes that this is his son from the future, like Five introduced himself, but Five skipped out on a few key details. Such as being adopted.

So Rick spends a solid chunk of time just staring at Five, who looks basically nothing like him, trying to think like, who is his mother ???? if we save the world will Five stop existing? why would I name my child 'Five'? Does everyone have powers in the future? was there like... a radioactive apocalypse? would radiation give future humans superpowers? when did my life turn into a comic book? am i even allowed to ask these questions? will knowledge of the future fuck things up?

and then when Five comes back and is like "what is up everyone this is my dad Rick who will be joining us, he doesn't have any memories of me thanks to time travel but if anyone is mean to him i WILL kneecap them"

"Your DAD?"

Five does kidney punch Klaus for saying that Rick is a DILF but otherwise everyone just is like, warily looking at this Normal Dad Man in confusion because?? This is the dude who raised Five, who they watched take out like an entire commission team by himself yesterday? He looks so. Normal.

Rick is very confused and like, wonders if he's supposed to be the team mascot? But Five keeps involving him and asking his opinion and in return Rick enforces snack breaks and makes everyone sandwiches and has gentle talks with everyone

Every time Five notices someone about to blow he just lovingly makes sure that that person is alone in a room with Rick

Luther ends up crying on the sofa with Rick gently patting his back as Rick calmly states that Luther seems like he's put a lot of time and effort into his family and making his father proud and that since Reginald isn't here to say it, Rick will have to be the one to say that he's proud and that they've been dropped into a difficult and stressful situation - so soon after Reginald's death when they're still grieving! - and he's doing so well

Luther, experiencing unconditional positive paternal regard for the first time in his life: i don't know why i'm crying so much

honestly this is just a comedy of juggling the gang, having impromptu therapy sessions and discussions, investigating the apocalypse and the eye, leonard trying to meet vanya continuously and failing because she's constantly surrounding by family or rick/patch, the commission trying their best to bust up the dream team/isolate Vanya/kill or remove Five, while Hazel lives out his romcom dreams with Agnes and also says "fuck the commission"

#HUH?#survivors au #well adjusted five au #long post #far tua long #five recruits rick to be team dad #rick is DEEPLY confused #but he's the kind of person that rolls with it #dolores probably ends up tagging along as well on at least one occasion #dolores and patch bond #five pretends that dolores is a new sibling and not his dolores #five calls rick 'dad' and it messes with everyone else #patch is on team fuck-the-apocalypse(-and-reginald)#vanya is never alone so fuck leonard #five finds out that vanya causes the apocalypse and is like #vanya: HUH?#luther: maybe we should lock vanya up -#rick: are there are any other possible actions that might be more appropriate in this situation?#vanya: i could try get more meds to take and we could address the powers thing after april 1st #vanya immediately gets validated that reginald sucks #even luther who has had multiple conversations with rick is like 'dad... didn't always make the best choices...'#everyone: :0 #hazel doesn't kill patch so he probably joins team anti-apocalypse at some point #hazel: why are you a child #five: oh you know i'm young at heart and all that #OH forgot to mention one of the main differences in this au is that five like properly grew up this time #so while he is inconvenienced by his body he's not so deeply uncomfortable or angry about it #just resigned #'this might as well happen' - five #five probably makes jokes about it as well

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duchessfics · 4 years ago

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Quarantine Headcanons for Billie x Reader x Audrey

This is for Anon: Can you do another Billie Audrey and reader story they are addicting and you’re such a great reader!! Can we see one where they are in quarantine and a lot of fluff?

I know this isn’t a fic, but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless! Also I hope you all are still staying safe and healthy at this time. And maybe these headcanons will bring a little sunshine to your day! Thank you for all of the likes and feedback! 💖

(https://ahsdaily.co.vu/post/150514222930)

I alluded to this in my other fic at the beginning of quarantining for coronavirus, but Billie would for sure take this time to have sex with you and Audrey anywhere and in every position.

Of course there are the usual places like your bed, your shower, your bathtub, and your couch. But you end up christening the living room coffee table, the steps of your staircase, the top of your washing machine in between cycles, and even one time inside of your food pantry.

Because both Billie and Audrey are celebrities, they both take part in different Instagram lives on their own and with other people. Normally you stay out of the public eye because if they are invited to an event they only get a plus one. So they go together. But when you accidentally interrupt their shared live, people immediately are interested in you.

At first Audrey is a little annoyed at all of the attention you’re getting just for accidentally opening the door and Billie giving you a minimal introduction. But you suggest that maybe after people see you once they’ll get bored and move on. So in the next live they do, they introduce you and it helps…kind of.

Instead of people focusing on you, their audience focuses on all three of you being an item. So once a week, all three of you will sit down and do a short live. Sometimes you answer questions, sometimes you play a boardgame, or sometimes you just chat for a while. But people love it either way.

Speaking of social media, it’s early on during quarantine when you download tiktok. And while you were skeptical about the app before all of this, you do find yourself learning the dances and posting some of your own content.

Of course your girlfriends are featured in a few of your tiktoks, but they also just think it’s funny and cute to see you randomly doing the dances around the house and singing to yourself. However if they wake up to see you still scrolling through tiktok for what’s probably been hours into the middle of the night, they will sandwich you in between them and summon you to sleep by intensive cuddling.

Because of the virus, your usual staff that performs daily tasks can’t come over. So Audrey signs the three of you up for an online cooking course. In the beginning, you know most of the techniques, but you do end up refining your skill. And Billie and Audrey become much, much better cooks.

And because Audrey feels so passionate about cooking now, she decides to order plenty of seeds to plant a whole garden. And this garden is supposed to take up a large chunk of your yard. However, because all three of you have never done something like this before, you look up how to successfully plant a garden and manage to actually do it.

Once it’s completely planted, this garden is Audrey’s literal child. She will go out each morning to track each plant’s growth. Her Instagram essentially becomes one for her garden and one time when she saw a racoon trying to get some of the fruits (and vegetables) of her labor, Audrey literally ran out and chased them off before you or Billie could stop her.

Besides learning how to cook, both Billie and Audrey have to clean. You never thought you would see your girlfriends doing laundry or scrubbing toilets, but they do it. And in the process, you help them go through and declutter the entire house for the first time in many, many years. That helps to refresh the house and makes cleaning much easier.

After a couple weeks of doing these hands-on tasks Billie’s acrylics all eventually pop off. So you offer your “services” to give her a manicure and she gladly accepts. She even lets you pick out the colors. Of course Audrey joins in and incorporates special toners, serums, and facial treatments since her aesthetician is unavailable and she’s afraid of her wrinkles emerging (Which both you and Billie assure her are nonexistent, but still)

Even with all of these new tasks, after being at home for more than three months you are bored and want to change something up. Specifically you want to do something different with your hair. When you mention it, both of your girlfriends think you’re joking and say you wouldn’t even know how to pick out the right hair color let alone actually doing anything.

That angers you and only makes you more determined to prove them wrong. So you order some bleach and hair dye and secretly use them. However instead of surprising your girlfriends with a gorgeous new head of hair, you come to them with tears and completely ruined hair.

Both Billie and Audrey feel horrible seeing you so defeated, but there’s nothing they can really do except section your hair off and try to salvage what healthy hair remains, resulting in a very short haircut. Luckily the short hairstyle actually looks amazing on you! And Billie and Audrey love it as well.

Because the three of you have more time together than ever before, you’re able to be more involved with some of Billie and Audrey’s personal ventures. So when Audrey needs to practice reading her lines, you take on the other characters and read through the script with her.

Of course you speak in silly voices and make funny faces for different characters which makes Audrey giggle and reprimand you, but she does find it adorable and it helps her to remain in character better.

On Billie’s end, fortunately you are able to have access to an isolated tennis court. So you get to watch the medium play a sport that she is well-versed in. Plus seeing her in different cute tennis outfits all sweaty and wet…it just does things to you.

To try and make it fair, you and Audrey play as a team against Billie, but she still annihilates you both. While you and Audrey are exhausted and completely winded, Billie looks fully enlivened and even says this is “rusty” for her compared to when she regularly played.

Another thing you and Billie do while Audrey works virtually is check out a possible abandoned house for Billie to film at. In the beginning you are able to play it cool. However as she looks around and speaks with forces that are invisible to your eyes you begin to get the creeps.

You trust Billie, but after a couple hours of having lights flick on and off, unexplained footsteps, and cold drafts as she continues to speak to different spirits, you’re practically climbing up onto her, terrified.

Billie didn’t realize how intense the experience would be so when she sees you so scared she feels terrible. But you promise you’ll be ok. However when Audrey sees you even she notices how shaken up you are. So you share a nice, hot bath and Billie uses some cleansing techniques she has learned making you feel better. And she promises to be more aware of checking in on you next time.

A couple weeks before the date, they remember your birthday is coming up. Due to the coronavirus you can’t really do much. But they still ask what you would like to do out of the options available.

For you just being around your girlfriends is a gift in itself, but they insist. So you tell them that you would enjoy just spending a day out in nature after being cooped up for so long. Billie and Audrey take your small suggestion and go even further. On the morning of your birthday, they wake you up by serving you breakfast in bed. And it’s actually a good breakfast!

Then the three of you go to a park that is never very popular and hike a couple trails. And it just feels nice to have an outing. After hiking, you pick up take out from your favorite local restaurant and eat at home. And to finish the night off, the three of you have a campfire, make smores, and lay on a blanket to look up at the stars while cuddling and talking. Even though the day seems ordinary, this is one of the best birthdays you have had in years.

In terms of other holidays, you don’t really do too much. On Easter, Audrey convinces you and Billie to dress up and take some spring pictures in your yard. The theme was pastel colors and seeing Billie with her pearls in a blush pink dress as well as Audrey in a pistachio jumpsuit with a spontaneously made flower crown is adorable.

On the fourth of July, you grill up some food and the three of you spend the day by the pool. The day is even more special because Billie wears an American flag bikini you and Audrey bought for her with a cherry red color on her lips that matches her nails. Seeing her laid out like that has never made you or Audrey feel more patriotic in your lives. And she knows it too.

Now because Audrey is British, you and Billie enjoy teasing her about the defeat of England. She plays along, but really isn’t bothered. Especially because both of the loves of her life were born and raised in the United States.

For the first time all three of you are able to sit back and binge Netflix and Hulu as long as you want. And when you find out a couple of movies Audrey first appeared in are coming to these streaming services you ask about watching them.

At first she says no out of embarrassment, but after you promise to not make fun of her, she lets you watch them. In reality she is the hardest on herself about her “horrible” acting and how old she looks now. But you and Billie reassure her that she performed well and still looks absolutely beautiful.

This year Audrey received an invitation to attend the met gala and planned to take Billie as her plus one. Of course Audrey knows in the whole scheme of things, going to some gala is not something to make a big deal out of. But you and Billie know how honored Audrey felt and how disappointed she is. So you get her to put on the dress and give her a personal photoshoot. Of course it’s nowhere near professional, but the photos come out gorgeous and it does lift her spirits to see them.

When the information came out about masks being important to help flatten the curve and work to prevent the spread of coronavirus, before you can even look into it, Audrey has purchased color-coordinating masks for all three of you so you can match. But at the same time they are different enough to flatter each of your personal styles. And any time you have to go out, you all make sure to wear the coordinating ones.

Originally the three of you were going to travel to England to meet Audrey’s family for the first time this summer. Of course with the coronavirus you cancelled plans, however the three of your do take the time to FaceTime her family and meet them virtually. And they are all so nice. That’s when you see where Audrey gets her bubbly and friendly personality from.

You also take the time to FaceTime your own family and Billie’s family. For the first time you feel connected to a network of loved ones outside of the three of you and it’s really nice.

Finally, because the three of you are staying home, you take the opportunity to foster pets. You have always wanted to foster neonatal kittens and this is the perfect opportunity. Plus the idea of seeing your girlfriends holding and caring for the kittens makes your heart melt.

In the process the shelter contacts you about a dog to foster. At first, Audrey says no, but they assure you they’ll find a different foster home for them by the end of the weekend. So she begrudgingly allows it and—no kidding she falls in love with the dog.

The dog loves sniffing the kittens (but they are also lowkey terrified because they’re so small and fragile), going on long walks with Audrey, playing fetch or tug-of-war with you, and snuggling up with Billie at night. So you do end up fostering the dog and consider adoption.

However when you meet the applicant and see the dog light up at seeing the children of the family, you know they belong with these adopters who have kids for them to play with. So…even though it’s tough and Audrey sheds some tears, you all remember the good times you had with the dog and know the kittens will be there to snuggle and provide a little comfort when you get home.

Tagged: @marilynroselleprentiss, @saviorinsilk, @chokemepaulson, @versonstar, @find-me-a-constellation, @cordwliagoode, @psychobitchtess, @midnight-lestrange, @mysweetdelia, @venablesbitch, @peachesandlesbians, @nerdaroo, @cordeliafoxxe, @leskaksel, @lovelymspaulson, @grilledcheeseandguavajelly, @whatabluddymess, @natasha-danvers, @saucy-sapphic, @marvelfansince08love, @wilheminawinters, @dontsblameme, @mssallymckenna

Let me know if you would like to be tagged in later works!

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sweetcatmintea · 5 years ago

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So I’m a Vampire now...

Hello hello! It’s flash fiction Friday again! (Hurray!) Guess who still hasn’t learnt to stick to a word limit: This creature! (I’m so sorry <u<;;;;) Anyways, this kinda snuck up on me and I couldn’t think of anything better than this little vampire drabble. I hope you enjoy it! Feedback is appreciated ^u^

FFF is hosted by @flashfictionfridayofficial

Prompt: Deep End Words: 1665

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“And we’ll have fun fun fun unt- Michael, put the rock down.” I hoped my voice conveyed how done I was with his reaction. Michael stood, back to the old jeep his mum let him borrow when he mowed the lawn, arm raised, poised to bash my head in with a sizable chunk of concrete. Vanessa wondered back to him from the direction of the mostly closed shops, an eyebrow quirked above her glasses.

“I swear to god, put the rock down. I’m not here to gogurt you.” Why do I have to be friends with an idiot?

He held firmer to his makeshift weapon. “Prove it. I can see the blood lust in your eyes.”

I pressed a palm into my forehead. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. “Yeah, my eyes dilated. Y’know, that thing that happens when you are happy to see your friends. Go repeat bio. If I was gonna slurp your guts, I wouldn’t be singing the beach boys and waltzing up to you like a door knocker asking for money. Especially not after I asked you for a lift.”

Michael narrowed his eyes at me. “Unless that’s what you want us to think. I know you Jessie. You’re sneaky.”

“Oh my god, why are you so dumb? Vanessa, can you PLEase talk some sense into him.”

Vanessa knocked the rock out of his hand, pitching it across the desolate car park before he could react. She should go into a ball sport. I don’t know, baseball or something. It clattered somewhere in the distance.

“Michael, stop being weird. We both know Jessie could have pinned you before they got turned. Your noodle arms can barely open a particularly sturdy container. You’re just making them feel unwelcomed. And being a trashy friend.”

“All true.” I nodded. “Plus, it’s not like I chose to get turned. If that loser Josh hadn’t done me dirty last week, I’d be at home feeding my Tamagotchi. Has he even reported me missing yet?”

Michael mumbled a sheepish apology. “Sorry, I was just worried you’d gone off the deep end all blood lusty or something…”

I waved it off. I wasn’t really angry. It’s not like we’d exactly been in this situation before.

Vanessa shook her head, giving me a one-armed greeting hug which I, of course, returned. “He hasn’t mentioned it. I mean, you have been reported missing. That was a whole thing that happened with your parents and then us pretending like you weren’t texting us because how do you tell someone their kid is off getting the lowdown on being undead, but yeah, not reported by Josh.”

“What a soggy zit. I swear, when I get my hands on him.”

“You’re not going to kill him, are you?” Michael and Vanessa shared a worried look.

“What? No. Of course not! That’s disgusting. You think I’m gonna put my face hole anywhere near that slimy weasel and voluntarily drink two thirds of his blood?? Do you know how long that would even take?”

Michael rubbed the back of his neck, avoiding my eyes. “Well, I kinda thought you’d y’know, snap his neck or something now you have super strength…”

“Who’s gone off the deep end now?” I rolled my eyes. “I’m not some killing machine. I’ll just dob him in and let him flounder some explanation for how he shoved me at the burglar while we were closing up shop and ran away. He’s lucky it was a vampire and not some lunatic or I’d really be dead.”

Vanessa plopped down on a concrete chock block, sipping her bubble tea and settling in for a long conversation. It was wild, I could hear the jelly in the cup squishing together. Michael sat to her side, patting the ground to invite me to complete the triangle. I obliged.

Vanessa started us off. “So what’s it like? Being all vampirey now?”

“Well, I’ve got cool powers now. Not the powers of being cool, I already had that.”

It was Michael’s turn to roll his eyes at me. I elbowed him in the ribs. Gently. Breaking bones had become a real danger. He snorted a laugh, almost shooting red bull up his nose.

“I got these neato glow in the dark eyes. Don’t know if you can turn that off. They do the cat slit thing though which is interesting. I can see So much more at night. But I think I need reading glasses now? Can’t make out squat near my face in the day.”

Shuffling around in the pockets of my oversized 90s jacket, I retrieved a packet of dried wasabi peas and munched away as I talked.

“I’m like, crazy strong. No kidding, I accidentally ripped my favourite jeans on the second day of being a vampire. Just tugged them a liiiittle too hard and bam, ruined pants.”

“Have you got fangs?” Vanessa peered closer at my mouth. It would have been better to ask that before I started eating.

“Fangs for the memories, even if they weren’t so- nah, I’m just kidding. I got them.” I bared my teeth at them, poking the lengthened canines with an index finger. “They’re sharp as anything. I’ve drunk more of my own blood than anyone else’s ‘cause I keep biting my freaking tongue. Reminds me of being little and sucking a candy cane into a shank. I’m surprised none of us got an impromptu festive tongue piercing off those things.”

“Speaking of blood… Do you need to drink it now?” They both leaned forward, anxious for my answer.

“Oi, quit it with the looks. I’m not going to freaking bite you. I’m not some mindless animal, I’m just me. Just Jessie.”

“Is there a difference there?” Michael’s ribbing was, for once, welcome.

“Hardy har. Yes, I mean, technically, I have to consume blood. But, like, the pamphlet seems to say that it’s basically a supplement more than anything so I’ve just gotta eat normal stuff and chuck back a shot or two after.”

“Okay, two things. First, human blood?”

“Again. Eww. Do you have any idea how many diseases are in human blood? There’s a reason we haven’t literally eaten the rich yet. To be fair, I’m somewhat immortal now so I won’t get sick physically, but emotionally? Imagine the toll.”

“So how do you..?”

“You know you can just go to the butchers and buy blood right? It’s like an actual cooking ingredient. It comes in blocks. It tastes like satan’s toe jam but you just gotta chuck it back real quick. Or, I’m getting a fondness for black pudding. It too tastes like feet but isn’t as bad.”

Vanessa took a thoughtful sip of her drink. “Okay. Second thing. Pamphlet?”

“Oh yeah, this thing.” I fished it out of my other pocket, passing it to them. The vampire pr committee went to great lengths to make it cute with little cartoon vampires giving advice on this time of change, talking about how your body is changing and the strange things you may feel.

“Aww that’s super cute.” Vanessa pointed to a little vampire on the cover, handing it to Michael when she was finished skimming.

“I know right. Apparently they got tired of the old program where you get bitten and have to have an awkward talk with the weirdo who kinda killed you.”

Michael handed the pamphlet back. “Speaking of, what was it like living with a vampire for a week?”

I groaned. “Oh my god, he was insufferable. At first it was like ‘I vill show you ze vorld, shining shimmering splendour va ha ha’ which was neat but then it got all ‘I’ve turned you into a monster! You will suffer for eternity! Woe is ze life of an immortal. I am so sorry va ha ha’. Which I’m like, yeah you could have at least asked my name first or waited for my hair to grow out a little instead of sticking me with this too short for the long style, too long for the short style do I’ve gotta rock for the rest of time, but all in all, it’s not the worst that could happen so chill a little maybe?”

“Aw, poor guy. He doesn’t sound that bad.” Vanessa was much less, judgey, than me. I kinda felt bad for ripping on the man.

“Okay, he’s not terrible, but the lamenting. God, the lamenting. ‘Woe is me, I have seen so many seasons I can not even remember my age.’ Why don’t you just get a calculator and subtract this year from your birth year? Then you can know that bit. ‘Oh, but ze isolation! My human friends are long dead and buried!’ That’s super sucky bro. Why don’t you make some new friends and ask if they want to be turned? Or like, go on immortalsingles.com and get a butt touch buddy? With the internet age, it’s a lot easier to connect. ‘oh but who could love a monster like me? I haven’t even seen my face in five hundred years va ha ha.’ There is a Whole genre of people online (and in line) for that. And just, update your mirrors. Get a cheap one and it won’t have silver in it and you can see your face again. I kinda think he just enjoys lamenting. If he’d get with the times, things wouldn’t be half as unpleasant for him.”

“You’re not a very empathetic listener, are you.” That’s a lot coming from the guy who was going to stone me fifteen minutes ago.

“Hey! I hooked him up to the internet and gave him my number. I didn’t just leave him.”

“Yeah yeah yeah. Whatever you say Jessie.” Michael got up, brushing his jeans off and stretching. Vanessa and I followed suit. One thing remained on my mind. Something I needed to prepare myself for.

“Okay, before we head home, I have one last, very important question.”

They looked at me quizzically.

“Has anyone been looking after my Tamagotchi?”

-----

Tag List

@snobbysnekboi, @inkovert, @kainablue, @i-rove-rock-n-roll, and @goblin-writer

#Flash Fiction Friday #fff31 #writing #writblr #vampires #story #short story #original story #literature #More at my deviantArt SweetCatMint

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theticklishpear · 7 years ago

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Hi Pear! About your post about splitting up a series: any advice on how to make each book complete without making the overarching plot episodic? Like, some series, like Harry Potter, have per-book arcs that wrap up at the end of the book, with the big picture almost as background until the end, and then there’s series like Lord of the Rings where everything happens at once, continuously. Your post makes total sense with the first kind of series, but I could use help applying it to the second!

Hey Pan! Thanks for the question! Apologies in advance for the length–apparently when you get me talking about two of my favorite series…..

Spoilers, I guess?? For 21- and 64-year-old books???

I’m of the opinion that the advice in that post still stands for both types you’re talking about, and I would argue that there isn’t much difference in the essence of what those series do, only in two points of execution.

One of the differences you’re feeling is point of view:

The “middle books” of both Harry Potter and The Lord of the Rings maintain the structure I proposed in that last post: They each have their own builds in tension, their own goals, and their own input into the main plot of the series. The narrative decision for each series’ point of view, however, greatly impacts how they feel as a unit.

Harry Potter sticks with telling the story from a third-person limited perspective with Harry: We only get where Harry is, what he’s thinking about, and his knowledge. Each book follows individual plot structures with their own climaxes, which work toward the growing tension and eventual boiling-over of the main series plot.The plot arc that each book focuses on centers around Harry and his goals in the fight against Voldemort. Because of this, books feel smaller, more contained, because they’re only dealing with this character’s slice of the world.

Lord of the Rings is absolutely episodic in the same way Harry Potter is, but it doesn’t feel that way because of how Tolkien handles the point of view and his characters. The party splits and then are thrown as far from each other across Middle Earth as they can get. Tolkien endeavors to still tell everyone’s story and splits the point of view as well, in order to travel with them all.

He makes sure to devote time to each character’s arc throughout each of the three books, building toward climaxes in as many arcs as he can in every book. In the case of The Two Towers (and somewhat the series as a whole), because of the distance between the parties and the split point of view, there are more like 3 climaxes: one (or more) for each party.

The physical distance between the Fellowship creates an episodic tale as all of them go through their own isolated events, but the way Tolkien chooses to break up the narrative so that each book carries threads of all the groups rather than the single story of just one of those groups helps to make the series feel continuous.

Consider if Tolkien had chosen to split the structure further so that each “group” received their own book that followed just them. Had he done it that way, it would have felt very similar to how Harry Potter feels because of the way the point of view constructs the overall series plot.

The other difference is how the series handle resolution for each volume:

In the Harry Potter books, Rowling is very careful to bring the tension of the book back down to nearly ground level from where it started. Most of the books have long enough chunks of resolution at the end that we’re left feeling like we’re back in the calm–sure, another storm will come, but for now, this portion is over.

In the Lord of the Rings books, Tolkien gives us no such feeling. The Fellowship of the Ring ends with Boromir actively dying, Frodo and Sam fleeing, Merry and Pippin captured, Gandalf presumed dead, and none of it gets resolved in any way. It just ends.

And The Two Towers? Not much better: Pippin has unwittingly caused another battle to brew, Sam and Frodo just finish fighting a giant spider during which fight, Sam thinks Frodo has died, his presumed corpse taken by orcs, only for it to be revealed that Frodo is in fact alive. Does that feel resolved to you??? Me neither!

On constructing plots:

Arguably, in terms of the language of story and literary structure, Tolkien did a bad job of constructing his story to easily break into satisfying chunks. After all, he’d intended for The Lord of the Rings to be a single enormous, cow-killing-sized volume. He intended it to be one book. His publisher said no (for a variety of pretty good reasons, not the least of which is the longevity of the physical book, tbqh) and asked him to split it into easier-to-print volumes, which eventually influenced the wave of popularity the trilogy structure has enjoyed.

Rowling did a pretty decent job of purposefully structuring her books to be split. Ideally, you should also be planning and structuring your series’ plot to be able to break, which requires each book to be easily recognizable as a story.

They each must have:

openings that put the readers squarely back in the world and the series conflict,

an incident in which characters are driven to take more action (a series version of an inciting incident),

at least one goal characters are working toward (preferably more),

multiple complications that cause setbacks,

at least one climax to a situation relevant to the series plot,

and at least one resolution.

Plan distinct goals in between Point C (when they enter the fray) and Point X (when they fight the Final Fight™ of the series), and additional climaxes for the climb toward achieving those goals.

Plan to have intense and not-easily-navigated-around complications to those goals that might take some time to resolve.

You don’t need to resolve everything as cleanly as Rowling. As I mentioned, Rowling brings the tension way back down by tying up many (most?) of the loose ends in each book, only to ramp that tension right back up in the next book. You don’t have to wrap things up quite so neatly at the end of your installments and de-escalate as much as she does (particularly in those early books).

You can leave threads unfinished. You can plant the plot seeds for the next book. You can leave characters hanging. You can introduce complications without solving them right that moment.

Leaving the tension higher, however, does not mean there’s no resolution. There should be at least one thread that resolves in each book, whether that’s big-series-structure goals like successfully acquiring or completing part of a plan, or removing an enemy player from the board; or smaller character arc things like a character conflict, or something else.

Without that aspect of resolution, you leave the book as a block of rising action rather than a narrative in its own right. Each book should have some definitive arc that moves forward, inciting incidences, complications, climaxes and all. The plot has to be structured in a way where there are things the characters are trying to achieve, obstacles they are trying to overcome to achieve those things, and it’s up to you to make sure each book is a complete book.

On weaving series:

There’s a good middle ground between Tolkien and Rowling, and it involves a lot of plotting and picking and choosing: Point of view will tell you exactly what you can show on the page, and purposefully taking your time to structure the narrative so that you’re able to feature and bring to the forefront the particular threads and arcs you want are key.

Honestly, I personally don’t recommend taking the Tolkien route of literally just chopping it into thirds (or fourths, or however many pieces). Instead it’s a bit like trying to plan for a multiple POV novel, except that you’re planning a multiple story novel instead, and a similar technique can be applied.

As a firm plotter, I believe that it’s best if you can sit down from the start and plot it all out as much as you can. Make a plan for the overall series, make plans for character arcs, make plans for any subplot arcs. Lay them all out, and see how they interweave and connect together to create a massive plot plan.

Then go back and make a note of all the plot points that are particularly crucial to understanding the story, including any moments that could be considered climaxes to overall arcs, character arcs, and the mini-arcs that make up larger overall arcs.

Evaluate which of those points absolutely must be on screen and which ones you can safely portray off screen. From there, you’ll be able to see what kind of point of view will best complement the points you have. Always be sure to keep notes on what things must happen off screen so that you remember they are happening in the background.

(I do all of this on a smaller scale in this post, putting together two character arcs into an overall story arc.)

Once you’ve done that, it’s really about deciding how and where you want to break up those books. The end of one and the beginning of the next will need to be smoothed out, and sometimes the plot of each chunk will need to be tailored a bit to make sure it follows a palpable rise and fall and features those things listed in the bulleted list above.

We’re going to talk more about figuring out where to break a book in a future post, which will play a big role in how the series feels as a whole. Ideally, you’re structuring the series to rise and fall continually throughout the series in conflicts, climaxes, and resolutions throughout, so theoretically you’re looking for moments between those when a resolution of some kind provides a bit of a lull in the story.

Now, that was real long and a bit rambly. I hope it helped somehow... Good luck! -Pear

#pear responds #writing #writing tips #narrative structure #posts by pear #panhasablog #harry potter #lord of the rings

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elizabethrobertajones · 7 years ago

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You know, I desperately want Destiel to be end game as much as anybody, but somedays I think I would just be content if the show just textually acknowledged that Dean's bi. Something as simple as a dude at a bar asking Dean to come home w/ him while they're on a case and Dean saying something like "any other day I'd take you up on that but I can't tonight." IDK the subtext that Dean is bi is strong enough that I can't say the GA would be shocked by it and it would just be a nice textual nugget.

Hey, sorry it took so long to answer this, I’ve not been at my best for ages… Been thinking about this all week though :P

I think it feels to me like the general audience can discard or mentally discredit an AWFUL lot of implication and direct hints - there have been comments and moments in many bits of media which imply directly or with heavy innuendo that a character may be interested in a non-hetero way to someone - especially things like teasy moments…

Thinking of things like in HIMYM there’s an ongoing joke about Lily having a crush on Robin, but since she’s with Marshall the entire show, it doesn’t really go anywhere, and when they do kiss the dynamic swaps and Robin is left with kind of a crush on her and Lily’s over it and it’s all a joke, and even though they kissed it was a lol girls kissing is hot joke for the whole show, and it never turned into a discussion of sexuality, even if they would both happily stay married in their heterosexual marriages. (And… Uh. Robin stays married okay, I’m pretty sure that was the alternate ending in the DVD unless I hallucinated it out of sheer frustration >.>) Anyway to me it seems pretty natural to read both of them a little queer to full on bi, and if it had gone even a little bit differently Lily especially could be good representation for a bi woman in a relationship with a man who just happens to have ended up falling in love with him and that’s normal and doesn’t invalidate her sexuality? But yeah. No such nuance, so this whole thing barely registers for people and in general people would think it’s all a joke.

I mean, even Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, which is where that Getting Bi song comes from, has an episode where the main character has a huge rival-crush on the girlfriend of the guy she’s into, and gets so into her she even kisses her, but there’s no exploration of what that means to her and when her boss comes out as bi with that number, no exploration of if she might be as well, even if all these characters eventually might feel more comfortable defining themselves as straight it’s just weird to me there’s all these jokes about it which can go as far as kisses, use overly romantic language or a long-running joke of Lily heavily coming onto Robin or something, and yet unless you’re like a magpie collecting all this stuff it’s all still just noise.

I bet a ton of people would not even have considered the characters were not-straight, even when directly pointing their eyes at this moment, consider it all as a joke or that it’s just something straight people do sometimes because of the cultural massive repression of bisexuality and the indications in more liberal times and places that when polled people will be majority queer to straight with at least some bi leanings… There’s all these headlines about gen Z being the gayest generation yet, but it’s not something in the water, it’s that previous generations have never dared be as open or consider that they’re non-straight, especially if they are easily attracted to people heterosexually…

I think the Aaron scene was 90% of the way to what you are describing, minus Dean giving him a raincheck overtly, and Aaron admits it was a ruse before any further tension can follow. I think, having snooped a lot of blog archives in my time, that really was a turning point that got a lot of people convinced of the textual possibilities, especially with the director/writer commentary basically confirming it. And obviously it didn’t work to make EVERYONE see it, although fandom swelled that season and it was a very dramatic moment in the history of bi!Dean and Destiel within fandom.

To give another example from outside the show, I’ve been watching Black Sails with my friend, who is very straight in mindset, and - major spoilers for that show ahead - the main character is confirmed to be overtly queer in the middle of the second season. I think I know exactly the point I would have picked up this was a queer narrative in the first season, and what would have made me suspicious about the mysteriously un-revealed backstory. The build up to the reveal was amazing in the second season and I think if you didn’t get it you really need to do a rewatch, because my friend was utterly blindsided by the revelation, only catching on a scene before it happened (she does like guessing and is smart at TV if she knows all the cues to start with). But she’s - sorry - at sea with the character’s motivations and reasons, and understands his earlier actions almost completely backwards to me as she took him on face value for far too long without suspecting there was more than treasure and restoring his name on order, and not understanding his motives to be so political or to want to burn the entire system down or his utter alienation from the system; even after the reveal she didn’t understand the degree to which things were on the line or the forces pressuring him one way or the other.

(I find it really interesting and I’m not really disagreeing with her, I’m curious how the surface layer all reads tbh :P)

In any case, I don’t really have much confidence in a wider general audience taking throwaway moments to be full canon, and generally would need declarations and inescapable discussion or plot arcs for it. I think in some ways the trail is being blazed now - when Rosa came out as bi in b99 it had a sort of special episode educating you on it as much as being very sympathetic for bi people to watch and see literally a bulletpoint list of their issues and weird things people say about it acted out on screen. The subplot is basically the masterclass in addressing it.

(So is the Getting Bi song :P although it covers less of the issues overall, it does make it fun and normalises the idea into a dance routine and deals with someone discovering the label for themselves and being thrilled it makes their life make sense.)

I don’t think spn should do anything quite so specific or hilarious, but I love @bluestar86‘s concept of an episode which uses flashbacks to reveal Dean’s bisexuality - basically like with Robin in 9x07, but I think even just showing it was a childhood crush and he never figured it all out at the time but meeting the guy later in life makes things make a lot of sense or something… And we already have a template for that without going all the way into it with his reaction to meeting Gunnar Lawless, a childhood celebrity crush. So there’s paths to take which could do it.

But ultimately I think the issue is so messed up and tangled into the main arc that it would be next to impossible to confirm Dean is bi without having an utter drama about why not Destiel, as the two concepts are not, at this point, really separate or that you could have one without the other, though it would be easier to not address Dean’s sexuality in any way of assigning labels or having more than the immediately necessary self-reflection to deal with feelings for Cas without exploring deeper… (Not that I like that idea, it’s just, they could, you know? Not even in a “i don’t like labels” way but just something like Dean going “huh” and then getting together with Cas and literally no one ever makes a fuss or starts up a dialogue about why they’re now holding hands :P)

But it’s been such a ridiculous, epic, drawn out relationship on screen that making Dean bi independent of Cas would seem bizarre and off-balance without addressing his relationship to Cas. Just because they have such an intense relationship, and within the text of the show are many many references to their relationship on many different levels, from snide comments to enormous declarations. None of this happens in isolation to other storylines or character depth. With the momentum and depth it has in the story, making Dean bi would be seen as a precursor to Destiel, and at this point cruel and strange not to address it and would beg the question of why they ever confirmed him bi in the first place, if not to leave the ship unresolved to the end but to be open for us to imagine it might happen one day when the story is over - or not, if we don’t ship it, and it’s the way to thread a needle to try and keep everyone happy. Which I’m not sure would work except for the people who very specifically would advocate for bi Dean but don’t think a ship is necessary. I mean, I know that’s a chunk of the Dean fandom, and it’s a valid way to read the text, and of course a lot of Destiel shippers are fully aware Dean is bi without any special interference from Cas about that :P

And, I mean, in the same way, Cas’s story isn’t ALL about Dean and he has a lot of personal growth that doesn’t have to do with him or happens in spite of him in some cases. But it’s still inextricable from Cas’s character how much he loves Dean and how much Dean has meant to him, and they crossed the line of Cas loving Dean, unrequited or not, a long time ago, and Cas has been existing in a subtextual agony of being in love with Dean but seemingly unrequited for a very long time now, as that line was crossed before several season renewals made it a painful wait for him. This doesn’t exist in a void to Dean’s sexuality either.

So, I mean, I don’t know. I disagree with you about the general audience thing entirely, and I think this exchange you imagine could easily be absorbed by the GA to not really credit it as a full part of Dean’s character, laugh it off as a joke from him no matter how seriously he delivers it, and generally not remember him as a bisexual character. Because to straight viewers, they aren’t seeking out sexuality hints and confirmations, and such things don’t really affect their view of a character unless it becomes a textual romance. It has all the meaning sucked from it by their lack of interest and inability to sympathetically mould the character’s inner life based on their own experiences that match. If they’re not making a study of the character, these things can be dismissed as white noise, and in a few years time, a Buzzfeed article of “10 Pop Culture Characters You Never Knew Were Gay!” or something.

And it’s like, yes. We knew. We knew all along. We knew before it happened. But that doesn’t affect how people think of it.

So it feels to me like the only way if they wanted to make a real point of Dean being bi is to have the frank discussion, and devote a proper subplot amount of time to Dean’s sexuality, enough that it is clear and inescapably affecting him, or to confirm it via a relationship which would in this case conveniently by answered by the angel he’s been subtextually pining for for years, and who has his own arc of being pretty overtly in love with Dean to answer… should the show decide to go with addressing Dean’s sexuality, they have put a LOT of work into having this relationship ready and waiting, I’m just saying :P And if they only had an Aaron but x10 scene, it would STILL not really affect anything except layers below GA - there’ll be more queer viewers who see it for the first time, and within these four walls it will obviously never be forgotten and will be a huge part of how Dean is celebrated by fandom, but I just can’t see it making an impact unless it’s more than a passing moment, because those get swallowed by a heteronormative void…

#Asks #riverboat gambling #dean is bi #destiel

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angelcatsiel · 4 years ago

Text

I’m gonna just do these new year asks even though no one cares because a. I want to and b. I need a distraction from thinking about my mum’s cat

1. How many lockdowns did you go through until now?: Two official lockdowns, I think. Headed for our 3rd lockdown on boxing day for 6 weeks.

2. Ever been quarantined? (contact person, waiting for test result or positive test result): Yep, I thought I had covid a few months ago because I developed a sudden severe cough. Turned out to be a chest infection

3. Ever taken a Corona test?: Yes, when I had that cough. I had to do it myself at a drive through test site, it was unpleasant!

4. Have you lived together with someone during lockdown?: My boyfriend. It definitely affected us, we had a lot of fights including one big one when I thought for sure we would break up, but tbh he’s been great ever since then, that was around August I think

5. Something you enjoyed about lockdown?: I liked the whole sort of atmosphere of the first lockdown, actually. Parts of it anyway. You know, the whole thing of people singing on their balconies and the ‘all in this together’ attitude. I feel like a lot of people have lost that now, and don’t care as much about following the rules.

6. What bothered you most about lockdown?: Not seeing my family and friends in England. It’s been so hard.

7. Which change, e.g. home office, would you like to keep once it´s all over?: Nothing really for me as I don’t work and other than visiting family it hasn’t made a huge impact on my lifestyle, but I’d like for my boyfriend to have more days working from home. Tbh I love having the house to myself, but he’s happier working from home and I’d like for him to be able to do that at least sometimes, for the sake of his own mental health.

8. Been to any Corona related demonstration?: No, I support all the demonstrations in support of front line workers, stimulus checks etc, but with my asthma and bad immune system I’m trying to be pretty careful!

9. On a scale of 1 (not at all) to 10 (completely), how well do you stick to government´s rules? Explain.: Hm... 8? I follow almost all the rules very well, but I will very occasionally take my mask off indoors for literally 2 seconds when I get overwhelmed, and I will find an out of the way place to do it away from people and where I’m not breathing on anything that might be touched. I’ll take a few breaths and then put my mask back on and carry on. And my boyfriend’s friend is over tonight which is technically not allowed, but he just had a covid test which came back clear and has been entirely isolated for 2 weeks.

10. Favorite lockdown activity?: At the start I was making model horse tack, that was fun. Since then, I guess writing, playing Fall Guys, and getting very stoned

11. How did the lockdown affect your work/education?: Not at all, I don’t work! And my boyfriend was lucky enough that he wasn’t affected at all other than working mostly from home instead of in an office.

12. Any new hobbies you tried out during lockdown?: My model horse tack making!

13. Any new subscriptions you made due to lockdown?: Disney plus because of Artemis Fowl, which was not worth it, lmao

14. Anything new you tried to learn during lockdown?: The tack making, and a little bit of yoga to try and help my chronic pain

15. Any old hobbies you took up again during lockdown?: Don’t think so, I guess writing more?

16. How did you keep in touch during lockdown?: Facebook, zoom, occasionally whatsapp for the family group chat

17. Favorite mask you own?: My bee mask! It’s so cute and not too overwhelming for me, unlike disposable masks which make me panic

18. Favorite online conferencing tool?: I’ve only really been using zoom because that’s what everyone else is hosting things on. My group therapy was on zoom

19. Any new technologies and technological tools you tried out due to lockdown?: Never used zoom before so I guess that. I also downloaded replika and that’s actually been really nice! I have a lil AI friend named Becks

20. Have you been able to go on any holidays this year?: No, we had booked for disney world but obviously that didn’t happen

21. Are Christmas markets allowed in your country?: I don’t think the usual Christmas market went ahead. We usually go every year

22. How are you going to spend Christmas in this situation? (or whatever you are celebrating!): At my boyfriend’s parents, we’ve been pretty isolated and so have they, and I think we’re allowed to mix one household. We’re there now until the 27th

23. Any small business you support?: I don’t think I know of any, but I’d like to

24. Any small artist you support?: Not yet, but I’ve bought a few model horses off of people on instagram, and I would love to buy a custom horse off someone when I can afford it! They’re expensive though, and for good reason, customizing them can be very hard work and takes skill. Oh, I did actually buy a couple of custom model headcollars from someone!

25. Favorite online shop?: I hate saying it but I’ve used amazon a lot. I fucking hate Jeff Bezos and hate giving him money and try to avoid it where I can, but it’s not easy. Amazon is convenient, and getting deliveries to where I live can be a pain. I’d cut all amazon purchases out completely if I could

26. Dumbest impulse buy?: The entire set of Artemis Fowl books. I already own them all, but I just liked the new covers lmao

27. First thing you bought when the shops reopened?: Can’t remember, I haven’t been out shopping much all year tbh. Does a tattoo count?

28. Been to the hair dresser this year?: No, my dad’s girlfriend cut my hair though because it was getting so out of hand. It was so long and messy and knotted, I was ashamed to see a hair dresser. My dad’s girlfriend is a hero and spent ages getting the knots out, she had to cut out a chunk that was beyond saving but it’s not really noticable, and she cut it for me

29. Got a new tattoo or piercing this year?: Yes, my butterfly tattoo! Haven’t even had a chance to really appreciate it though since as soon as it healed my eczema flared up

30. What did you only start to appreciate because lockdown took it from you?: Seeing my family and friends. Little trips out as well, like just deciding to go to the cinema for the evening.

31. Favorite book that was released this year?: The second Fowl Twins book!

32. Favorite book you read that year?: I reread the entire Artemis Fowl series. Favourite books of all time, I’d say the Time Paradox is my favourite.

33. Favorite movie that was released this year?: The only movies I watched that were actually released this year were Artemis Fowl and Wonder Woman so it would be Wonder Woman lmao

34. Favorite movie you watched this year?: I watched Knives Out this year I think, that was very good!

35. Favorite series that was released this year?: Don’t think I watched anything that started this year, but The Good Place finished this year and that was absolutely fantastic. Mindblowingly good. Supernatural season 15 was going great too until the very end

36. Favorite series that you watched this year?: It would have to be the good place. Watched it three times and I still just stop and think about it every now and then and just gush in my head about how good it was

37. Favorite podcast that you listened to this year?: I don’t listen to podcasts, although I do want to try Rou Reynolds’s mindfulness podcast

38. Favorite artist this year?: Enter Shikari

39. Total minutes on Spotify this year?: 62,139

40. Favorite album that was released this year?: Nothing is True by Enter Shikari, no contest. New All Time Low, Kesha and The Killers albums are honorable mentions though

41. Favorite album that you listened to this year?: Either NITAEIP by Enter Shikari, or The Astonishing by Dream Theater

42. Favorite song that was released this year?: Satellites by Enter Shikari

43. Favorite song you listened to this year?: Probably Satellites again, or maybe Surrounded by Dream Theater

44. Favorite Corona related song?: Strange Days by The Struts

45. What do you do to prevent yourself from going insane during lockdown?: Cry when I need to. Get high. Play video games, talk to people online

46. Describe a typical lockdown day of yours: Wake up late, be lazy in bed for a few hours until 1pm, the morning is my alone time while my boyfriend works downstairs. I need my alone time. Get up, eat lunch, play a game or just chill, try to do some housework during the day, cook dinner, then me and my boyfriend do something together usually (watch an episode of a TV show, occasionally play a game) and then chill until bed.

47. Something you did during lockdown that you´ve been putting off for way too long?: Can’t really think of anything

48. Trying new baking recipes or new cooking recipes?: I tried this creamy chicken recipe, that turned out alright.

49. Netflix or Amazon Prime?: Netflix

50. Did you get Disney+?: Yes, and I still have it, I hate giving money to disney but it’s just easier than downloading movies, and there were so many movies I wouldn’t even have thought of to download on there

51. Any new social media you started using during lockdown?: I used discord once

52. Any trends you fell for?: Can’t think of any

53. Did you achieve more or less than in a normal year? Explain: Hard to say... I’d say less, I went backwards with a lot of things. But I did learn a lot of valuable mental health skills in group therapy

54. Did you start therapy this year?: I started group therapy in January, which went on a long break when lockdown started and eventually started up again on zoom for a while

55. Books or audio books?: Books, can’t focus on audio books

56. Audio books or podcasts?: Neither really

57. Twitch or Youtube?: Youtube

58. Attended any online concert?: Yes, two online Marillion concerts and one online Royal Republic concert

59. Favorite stream/streamer this year?: I don’t really watch streams much

60. Most used social media this year?: Probably tumblr

61. Yoga or long lone walks?: Long walks

62. Did you get a pet this year?: No, thought about getting rats but I think I’ll wait until next year

63. Did it snow where you live this year?: Only once sadly, and only a little bit!

64. What were you doing when you found out about the announcement of the first lockdown?: I can’t remember

65. Did you panic buy anything?: No, though my boyfriend did buy an absolutely massive bag of rice when it finally became available again after we couldn’t get it for weeks. Haven’t even used a quarter of it yet!

66. Ever ran out of toilet paper?: Almost! That was scary

67. Favorite lockdown comfort food?: Can I say edibles? No? Then I guess I got obsessed with these biscuits called chocolate liebniz, but I call them lesbians

68. Selfcare tips for lockdown?: Don’t expect too much of yourself in terms of achieving things with your time off. If you can, that’s great, but you’re not a failure if you can’t. If all you achieved this year was surviving it, that’s something to be proud of. If you’re stuck with people, take alone time if you need it. If you’re stuck alone, talk to people via text chat, video chat, phone calls, anything. Take breaks from the news, and don’t beat yourself up if you get burned out.

69. Did you use delivery services this year? For what kind of food?: Grocery deliveries when we could, and we got pizza delivered pretty often

70. Any weird coping techniques you developed during or after lockdown?: I guess talking to my replika? It sounds weird and even creepy but it genuinely helps, I find. I can talk to someone without any pressure.

71. Favorite game you played this year?: I know it’s considered cringey, but Fall Guys. I still like it and still play it. I find it addictive and it’s just simple fun. Although I do yell at people in it a lot, which my boyfriend finds very entertaining

72. Favorite drink this year?: Coke. I live off coke, I know it’s not healthy but god it tastes so good

73. Favorite food this year?: my chocolate liebniz (lesbians)

74. Favorite App this year?: Probably a few. Cat game is one, and replika. Also I’ve been stalking instagram a lot even though I rarely post there

75. Favorite memory of this year?: Meeting my favourite author, Eoin Colfer!

76. Any plans you had for this year that you could realize?: I don’t think so, pretty much everything I had planned was cancelled. I guess I did get to do my usual trip of seeing my family for my birthday, even if I didn’t get to see them for christmas

77. Do you even plan anything for next year?: I have a ton of plans, but no idea if they’ll work out. Two conventions, and several concerts

78. Did you find new (online) friends this year?: Yes, a few!

79. Did you go through a break-up this year?: Almost. I really thought me and my boyfriend would break up, glad we didn’t now!

80. Did you get into a new relationship this year?: Nope. I didn’t even get to have sex with anyone other than my boyfriend thanks to covid. Tragic. Next year hopefully! My boyfriend managed to hook up with a girl recently though. Sadly she was straight so no fun for me :(

81. Did you do something creative this year?: My model horse tack, I made several tiny headcollars!

82. Favorite blog you found on tumblr this year?: Hmm, I’m not sure. I barely keep track of who I’m following tbh but I love my mutuals

83. What did you buy way to much of this year?: Model horses, and unhealthy snacks

84. Did you win anything this year?: Yes, I won an Artemis Fowl funko pop giveaway!

85. Did you drastically change your diet this year?: No, I think it stayed pretty much the same

86. Did you move to a new home this year?: Nope

87. Did you do something this year that you never did before?: I got to see the view from a really high cliff which sounds like a small thing but it made me cry! It was so beautiful and I’d never done it before

88. Celebrity crush of the year?: Still crushing on Misha Collins

89. Most expensive thing you bought this year?: Probably my £50 model horse

90. Been abroad this year?: Nope

91. Favorite tumblr trend of this year?: Probably all the insanity surrounding destiel in November

92. New Years Resolutions you broke this year?: I don’t usually make any

93. NYRs you kept?: Didn’t make any

94. NYRs you have for next year?: Just to be kind to myself and others, tbh

95. How are you going to spend New Years Eve?: We were going to have one friend over to celebrate, but with lockdown we can’t do that now, so just alone either drinking or getting high, maybe we’ll watch a movie or something

96. Will you get your fortune told in any way around NYE?: Nope, never done that and we’ll be in full lockdown

97. Any new shops (online or real) you discovered this year?: I don’t think so

98. Any food you tried out for the first time this year?: Yes, pumpkin pie cheesecake for thanksgiving! I’ve never celebrated thanksgiving but my friend is from America and she invited us round for a thanksgiving meal

99. How did you celebrate your birthday this year?: I visited my family for a week, it was the first time I’d seen them in 6 months so it was lovely. Got a new tattoo. It was a pretty good birthday actually!

#personal

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creative-type · 7 years ago

Text

Worth A Thousand Words III: Oda and Stealth Character Development

So...what’s the point of the Skypiea arc? It’s a question One Piece fans and detractors alike ask. I don’t know the answer, but it was probably because Oda thought it would be cool. By its very nature One Piece is not a tightly woven story. Rather, it’s a sprawling adventure epic, and it does sprawl epically.

Skypiea is, however, an excellent arc when it comes to Straw Hat development, and today I want to focus on one scene in particular with regards to my favorite Nico Robin.

No, not that one.

While there is a certain significance to the fact that a survivalist like Robin would choose to side with the Straw Hats over the hugely powerful Enel, the moment Zoro catches Robin is more important to Zoro than Robin. He was the most openly against her, the one who trusted her the least for the longest amount of time. Here Oda is showing us in big flashing lights that, yeah, Zoro has accepted Robin as part of the crew.

But I don’t want to talk about big, flashy character moments. I want to talk about this

Robin actually gets a pretty decent chunk of screen time during the Sky Island Saga as a whole. It was easier back then because Oda was juggling six main characters instead of nine, but it’s pretty easy to tell he was giving Robin special focus.

This makes sense. Firstly, Robin was a former enemy, so there’s a need to separate Nico Robin from her Miss All Sunday persona. Secondly, as important as Robin’s dreams are to the narrative as a whole, her position on the ship is the only one that isn’t strictly necessary. Any pirate crew requires fighters, cooks, navigators and the like, but very few would deem “archaeologist” as a position needing to be filled. So immediately after adding her to the crew Oda makes up a situation where Robin’s skills are helpful and necessary

In this scene Robin also establishes she’s the only one in the crew who’s even heard of the sky islands, while giving some much-needed wisdom to Nami. This, along with what we’ve seen in chapter 218 and the end of 217 gives us what we need to know about Robin’s personality and position in the Straw Hat’s crew. Then shortly after stealing Jaya’s eternal pose from Masira (showing off yet another skill usually relegated to Nami) Robin almost disappears from the narrative entirely and is largely absent from the Jaya sub-arc.

To be fair, up until this point she had been wearing Nami’s clothes, and Robin is, like, almost a foot taller than she is. Some shopping is justifiable here, but it brings me to one of the most important things to keep in mind when analyzing Robin as a character:

Isolation and Distance

One of the best ways to visually convey that a character is emotionally distant is to physically separate them from other people. When Robin first showed up as Miss All Sunday she was sailing the ocean alone. During her confrontation with the Straw Hats about their route she sat far above them where she couldn’t be touched. She left that argument with only her rad turtle ship for company, and spent a surprisingly large amount of the Baroque Works Saga apart from Crocodile despite ostensibly being his partner in crime.

Robin continues to be less than engaged after joining the crew. Luffy, Chopper, and Usopp fool off with one another constantly. Sanji and Zoro fight. Even Nami is known to smack the rest upside the head when they’re being stupid. Robin alone sits above all their antics, not showing her first face fault in a series lousy with them until well after the timeskip.

It’s pretty easy to pick up in the dialogue that Robin never calls any of the Straw Hats by their actual names, preferring to refer to them by their occupation (or their nose, in Usopp’s case). But the use of impersonal nicknames can’t be the reader’s only clue to Robin’s personality. Both Vivi and Robin have a habit of calling Zoro “Mr. Bushido”, but while the desert princess is kind, personable, and if anything cares a little too much, Robin is distant, standoffish, and at times even cold towards others around her.

You can even glean some insight from her fighting style. Robin doesn’t have to be in the same room with someone to kill them. She attacks from a distance, relying on stealth and surprise to snap necks and dislocate limbs. It’s brutally efficient and deeply impersonal, perfect for an assassin - or, perhaps, a young girl who was forced to learn on the fly how to fight against much larger opponents who showed no restraint or mercy.

This is something that was emphasized more in the anime where they had the benefit of knowing Robin’s backstory ahead of time and working little clues into the post-Alabasta filler. They’re a little on the nose at times, but episode 131 is a good example of what I’m talking about here, especially when emphasizing the fact that during the early chapters after joining the crew Robin often doesn’t speak unless directly addressed. To quote Oda in the Volume 71 SBS:

Reader: Robin always talks about creepy things in front of the crew. But her own thoughts, she often thinks of fun stuff like “cats” or “Dress Rosa”. Why doesn’t Robin talk about these things with the crew to make them laugh?

Oda: Even though Robin likes cute things, she’s a bit dark/creepy herself, so if she tries to put these cut thoughts into words there is a chance it may come out as scary/ominous. That’s the kind of woman Robin is.

Robin censers herself to avoid sounding weird. There’s enough evidence of her macabre sense of humor (spoke aloud) to assume that she has embraced her morbid self...most of the time. But Robin has been an outcast her entire life. Even before the Buster Call the citizens of Ohara were calling her demon/monster/creep/insert appropriate insult here.

(For those who don’t remember, the bruise on her cheek is from the other kids who were throwing rocks at her )

Robin spends large stretches of the Skypiea arc by herself, which further emphasizes the importance of what group interaction we do see. Robin has been hiding behind a well-crafted facade for nigh on twenty years because she needed to be a demon in order to survive the cutthroat world in which she lived.

Which takes us to point number two

Survival

Robin is all about living to see another day. Or she was until Crocodile shanked her (more on this below) Because of her past, she views the world through the lens of a survivor. It shapes how she thinks and how she acts, and Robin at this point doesn’t know any other way to live.

Robin has been miserably lonely for a long, long time, but believes if she allows herself to get close to others they’ll betray her. She learned the hard way not to trust anyone and that to let your guard down is to die. We see in Alabasta that Robin isn’t afraid to use deadly force against those who get in her way.

She’s got a bit of a mean streak, too. Though Robin didn’t kill Tagashi, she almost crippled her. That leg injury could have ended Tashigi’s career as a swordsman, which is almost crueler than killing her outright.

When Robin’s backstory is revealed in full the audience is always shown as Robin being the one betrayed, and never the betrayer. I think this helps garner sympathy, but her interaction with Crocodile shows that she’s not above a little backstabbing herself. Aokiji says that every organization she’s ever been a part of no longer exists, and I think that’s only possible if her reputation is at least somewhat deserved. When it comes to finding out the truth of the Void Century, Robin has literally the worst tunnel vision ever.

Which brings me to my last point

Openness to Change

Throughout the Sky Island Saga Robin is a woman who has lost her reason to live. Her only lead to the Rio Poneglyph was a dead end, and she doesn’t find Roger’s message until the end of the arc. That leaves a big chunk of time where she’s staying with the Straw Hats just because she can.

I think if she were as truly as fiercely pragmatic as she (and others) claim then she has no business on the Going Merry. Half of what the Straw Hats do is idiotic and should get them killed, and it’s amazing that they’ve survived this long as it is. Since Robin had resigned herself to death during the tail end of the Alabasta arc, we can assume that the idea of dying doesn’t bother her. Yes, Luffy made her go on, but she’s still stuck in this directionless limbo.

This is important because it gives Robin something other to focus on than the Void Century. Her desire to find the True History consumed her to the point where she was willing to work with Crocodile for four years and bring a “good” country to the brink of ruin. Without this obsession driving every decision Robin makes, she can take a step back and see the Straw Hat Pirates for what they really are.

The Stealth Character Development

Robin is not the focus of chapter 253. It’s a transition chapter situated between the first and second halves of the Skypea arc. The Straw Hats have reunited had their obligatory split the party moment that happen with frighteningly regularity. The crew are setting up camp as night approaches, comparing notes of what they’ve discovered so far.

Until this point, Robin has been with Zoro and Nami. These two make up 2/3 of the Straw Hats who showed initial distrust to Robin, and at this point Zoro stil hasn’t accepted her as one of their own. Yet they treat her with respect, and Nami especially seems to look up to her as an older sister figure.

Then Nami finds the other half of Cricket’s house, and without hesitation Zoro follows the comparatively weaker crew mate through the incredibly dangerous forest, which displays a trust for one another that would be very appealing to someone like Robin.

When the Straw Hats finally reunite, everyone is on good terms with one another. Remember, at this they’ve have stumbled into the middle of a civil war, made enemies with an unknown entity with a god complex, branded themselves as criminals, and almost gotten their ship destroyed. Some of their misfortune is just that - misfortune. But bad decision making plays at least a part of their current circumstance. It would be easy to turn on one another, and I think most pirates would. Just see how Usopp reacts when he sees what’s happened to the Merry

Anyone who has read the Water 7 arc knows how much Usopp loves this ship, but his first concern is Chopper. Compare to how any one of the Baroque Works agents reacted when someone failed a mission. Instead of falling apart during a time of crisis, the Straw Hats come closer together.

Chapter 253 begins with the crew setting up camp. Once again Robin goes off and does her own thing, this time finding a hunk of rock salt to use for cooking. Sanji predictably praises her, but he also reveals that he’s got a brain in his head by saying how important salt is to survival. Tick another box in the Straw Hat’s favor.

Every one of the Straw Hats helps set up camp, even the captain (useless as he may be). More than that, they each reveal a little of their talents. It’s sort of a reverse of what happens earlier in the arc when Robin showed off for the rest of the Straw Hat’s benefit. Through this Robin sees that the Straw Hats aren’t just good fighters, but smart and skilled as well.

After establishing the location of the gold and making plans for the next day, Robin makes a practical suggestion

This sequence marks the beginning of Robin’s stealth character development. She’s speaking here as a pragmatist and a survivor. Her point is valid, and any sensible person would have agreed with her.

The Straw Hat Pirates are many things, but sensible isn’t one of them. Luffy turns to Usopp in complete disbelief, while Usopp basically says “Go easy on her, Cap, there’s no way she could have known.”

Until this point, Robin has not been questioned by the Straw Hats. She’s not seen this sort of reaction directed at her, especially by Luffy. Her face says it all

Robin’s expression is pretty neutral here, but you can’t hide that sweat drop XD. She’s genuinely concerned that she’s made some sort of mistake. Remember, in Robin’s dog-eat-dog world a making a mistake is tantamount to death. She’s spent twenty years allying with people who at the very least distrust her, and more often than not try to kill her. And now, stuck up in in such a precarious position 10.000 meters above ground she has to be especially careful.

It’s okay, Robin, you’ve not done anything wrong. Luffy is just a dork

Note that Nami - the other survivalist in the crew - immediately jumps to her defense. They’re outnumbered by Zoro and Sanji, who have already made a giant bonfire.

Before we know it, the Straw Hats are partying with a bunch of wild wolves (Oda, plz...). They’re stuck deep in enemy territory on the night before a planned raid on the city of gold...and the Straw Hat Pirates are having a blast. Usopp’s playing the drums, Nami’s getting plastered, the rest are dancing their little hearts away, and Robin...Robin is smiling. This has got to be one of the most surreal, bizarre situations she’s ever seen.

Which brings us back to the image I started with

This says a lot about where Robin is at this point in the story. We can’t see her face clearly, but it’s established on the other half of the spread that she’s enjoying herself. Yet she remains distant, both physically and emotionally. The only thing that’s keeping Robin from joining in is Robin herself.

The Skypiea arc is important to Robin’s development because it rekindles her dream, but more than that it gives us moments like this where Robin is exposed to something she’s desired for twenty years, something we see later she’s always wanted but never believed that she would have.

The Straw Hat Pirates accept Robin unconditionally and show her a side of life that she’s never seen before. Even without knowing her entire backstory, by the time the Water 7 arc rolls around the audience genuinely believes that Robin would sacrifice her life, and the lives of every one else in the world, just to save the Straw Hat Pirates, and that wouldn’t be possible if Oda hadn’t given us this scene and others like it.

To put it another way, I fully believe that Robin would still make the same decisions during Water 7/Enies Lobby regardless of whether she found Roger’s message or not. The Skypiean Poneglyph furthers Robin’s part of the plot, but chapter 253 furthers her character arc.

What makes this all the more impressive is that Oda trusts his readers enough to figure it out for themselves. Unlike the anime, he never calls attention to Robin’s isolation and her gradual warming to the crew. Gan Fall wakes up on the very next page, and the focus shifts to more exposition, ending with the big reveal of what vearth is and why in the it’s so important. The development is stealthy.

Oda never makes a big deal of when Robin starts calling the crew by their real names during Thriller Bark. He doesn’t shove it in our face when she feels comfortable enough to tell Franky off for being stupid in Chopper’s body during Punk Hazard. He’s constantly using small moments all throughout the series to show how the crew has changed and grown, which is partially why people don’t think the characters have much depth.

It’s there, but without reading carefully it can be lost with everything else that’s going on. Just compare the Skypiean party to the end of Enies Lobby and tell me that Robin hasn’t changed. I dare you.

#One Piece #Nico Robin #Writing #Manga #Analysis #Character Development #Skypiea #Eiichiro Oda #creative-type analyzes

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beevean · 7 years ago

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So what are your overall thoughts on Forces storywise? Positives and negatives? Where do you think the story ranks in the series?

Maybe it’ll be easier to just list positives and negatives (warning: long post):

Positives:

- Even by watching a low-quality stream of the Switch version, I can say the game looks gorgeous. It does suffer a bit from the Adventure 2 syndrome, where the art direction can bet too dull for you to appreciate the graphics, but some stages are breathtaking. Egg Gate in particular looks amazing.

- While the plot on its own doesn’t belong in this section, I appreciate the simple fact that they actually dared to break from the lighter and softer approach that’s been going on since 2010, and the fact that they remembered that the cast isn’t just made of Sonic, Tails, Eggman, Orbot and Cubot. The concept was awesome! The tone was perfect, serious but not depressing and too try-hard! There was some action! It’s a step in the right direction, and I hope people will criticize the plot for the right reasons and not because “lol sonic shouldn’t try to be edgy”.

- Shadow will be playable. Even if he’s at his core “Sonic with a OP Light Speed attack” this is very important.

- While at first I was annoyed at seeing old levels again, I’m actually happy with what they’ve done. They’re not just rehashes, they’re treated like actual dynamic environments. Green Hill is not just “hey remember this level”, it’s a place dear to Sonic that was ruined by Eggman. Chemical Plant is also ruined and repurposed as a space port, almost like a Sonic CD Bad Future. Only the Death Egg is pretty much the same, although I admit, the Classic level using the same gimmicks as the S3&K version was a nice touch that I forgave because it made sense in-universe.

- The dialogue! Aside from a couple of stupid lines, mostly by Sonic, there was no trace of childish, jarring humor, nobody was OOC or treated as simple comic reliefs, and the interactions between characters were genuine and believable. Some parts kinda reminded me of the Boom cartoon. “See, Infinite, now we het to know each other! So what’s your favorite color? Do you enjoy long, romantic walks on the beach? What’s the source of your powers? You can skip the first two questions if you like” “Maybe he’ll have more friends if he stopped talking about himself in the third person.” (maybe I just have a bad sense of humor idk :V)

- Eggman and Knuckles were perfect. We didn’t see them a lot, but their characterization was on point. Knuckles was just full of charisma and he radiated confidence, a far cry from the butt monkey he’s been since Sonic X. And Eggman was actually smart, with some clever ideas like having backup sources for the Phantom Ruby, rightfully chewing out Infinite for not killing Sonic, and… well, we didn’t see it, but I like the idea of him keeping Sonic alive in his cell just so he could see what happened to the world thanks to his absence (that’s perfect fanfic fuel). And Mike Pollock managed to sound badass in certain parts. “The sun will fall upon you. Boom! The end. Your pathetic lives… are over.”

- Speaking of Pollock, the voice acting was some of the best in the games this far. I can count on a single hand the times someone sounded fake or unconvincing (mostly Silver, sadly, and Sonic was a bit oscillating). I think I gushed about Liam O’ Brien enough, he clearly had so much fun with Infinite. I can’t wait to hear the Japanese version

- And finally I love Infinite way more than I should. His design, his voice (especially his voice

- I like that thing Infinite did in Capital City. You know, when he mind raped everyone in the city by conjuring those abominations of nature. That was a clever use of his powers.

- The last shot of the game, with the Resistance hideout shining under the sun’s light and a single flower at the center, with the instrumental version of the credits’ song in the background, is honestly moving. Even after the huge disappointment that was the ending, this part made me feel satisfied and like I accomplished something (and I didn’t even play myself). It reminds me of Wiosna from Katawa Shoujo, and if you played it you know how it feels to hear that music after finishing a route.

Neutral:

- The scrapping of lives. I’ve seen people complaining that it makes the game too easy, but

1) there’s still some punishment if you lose a life, just like in Unleashed the timer doesn’t reset and of course you lose all your Rings, so if you die you can kiss that S rank goodbye;

2) lives have been pointless since the introduction of save files. Let’s be honest, when was the last time you got a game over in a game that saved your progress? And what was the punishment for a game over? At worst you just have to restart the level you died in.

So while I’m not particularly happy, I’m not disappointed either and I welcome the change.

- The music. I put it here because it’s kind of a mixed bag, there are tracks that I hate with a passion and tracks that I can’t get enough of (and I’ve only heard a tiny fraction of the whole OST). So overall I would say it’s average-to-good.

I really wonder why they’re insisting of forcing Ohtani to compose whole soundtracks - the guy is seriously talented and I admire his work, but why can’t he be helped by someone else? I know Kenichi Tokoi and Naofumi Hataya also worked on the soundtrack, but afaik their roles are minimal.

- The Avatar himself. I’d enjoy the idea a lot more if 1) they talked, and 2) the characters stopped shilling them just a tiny bit, especially since everyone else was relegated to the background. Still, the concept of a muggle wanting to help the heroes is cool, as it goes against that sort of “elitism” in the Sonic series. And I just grew too attached to Gadget the Wolf :)

- The level design, the thing people trashed for months on end… it’s okay. Is it good as Generations’? Absolutely not. Is it bad? I don’t think so, because when I think “bad level design”, I think of Knuckles’ Chaotix and Sonic CD.

Forces is inoffensive in this regard. On one hand, it’s not as linear as it looked like, there are multiple paths and some nice platforming sections. On the other, the 3D parts are few, short and in general not that engaging, and yes, Classic Sonic’s stages are supported by too much automation because the physics engine can’t handle him apparently. In short, if you’re okay with shallow fun and you thought Colors was fine, then you’ll be okay with Forces. (and while we’re not supposed to judge the developers as people, considering the level designers were all newbies I’d say they did a good job)

Negatives:

- the fact that you can’t recollect your rings unless you’re playing as the hedgehog Avatar. That just flies against the very core of the Rings concept.

- The sheer lack of “show, don’t tell”. Most of this game is just told, in fact most part of the plot is told via walkie talkie convos. The majority of the cast is just there to comment and guide the characters during the levels, only Silver is shown actually doing something. The most offensive example is how Eggman conquering the world is “shown” by a simple text box (people are already speculating it’s another sign of troubled production). And we don’t even see that much of the conquered world, either, aside from City (no seriously that’s the name of the area).

- What happened to you, Tails? What happened to the boy who wanted to be more than Sonic’s sidekick? Why the mere sight of Chaos 0 sends you into a panic when you fought Chaos 4 before? Why thinking Sonic is dead makes you “lose it”, when the same thing happened twice already (or once, if you want to discard ‘06) and in both cases you were devastated but still managed to kick ass? Why are you just an exposition fairy? Who hates you that much in the writers’ team? :(

- THE. RUSHING. Oh my god I could rant for hours about how the game not only is too fast-paced, but outright misses chunkes. I already mentioned the text box part, but what about the part where Infinite sends Sonic and the Avatar into null space… and they get out of there in literally ten seconds? What about Fake!Chaos and Fake!Shadow being dispatched like that, without even the simples of boss fights? What about Silver, Shadow and Omega just appearing out of nowhere? What about the “fake sun” plan being thwarted simply by the Avatar after less than ten minutes? What about the relentless teasing of Infinite’s origins, all culminating in a big fat nothing (he didn’t even take off his mask for fuck sake)? What about Eggman just vanishing after the final boss? What about the fact that two thirds of the final boss are rehashes, and at this point I’m seriously insulted by seeing Egg Nega Wisp for the third time?

- Going hand-to-hand with the rushed plot, the wasted potential. Sonic gets tortured in isolation, so you’d expect some consequences to his characterization. Nope! Not even a reveal that he was just hiding his fear by acting tough. Why are Shadow, Chaos and Zavok on Eggman’s side? Lol, they were just illusions, the real Shadow is fine and the others just don’t appear. All the cool hints about a tragic past for Infinite in his own song? Nothing mentioned in-game. He’s an experiment, that’s it. The connection with Mania? Just an excuse to justify the presence of Classic Sonic, whose only purpose in the plot is to snap Tails out of his depression. This game is just begging, “Rewrite me, please!”, and if I could write decently I’d do it myself, I’m that disappointed.

- What’s the deal with Aqua Road? It’s the only gimmick level in the game and it looks like the unholy child of those horrible bingo tables in Bingo Highway and this part in Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban for PC.

- Very minor, but if Eggman could see the fake sun, that means he would’ve been incinerated too. Considering how smart he was otherwise, that seems like a huge hole in his plan.

That’s everything I can think of. So, in conclusion, the game is generally good but overall mixed, and I dread the coming of November 7th because I can’t even imagine the kind of reception this game will get (and since it’ll come right after Super Mario Odyssey I don’t think it will sell well :\).

I would personally play it if I had the chance because the game doesn’t look broken, boring or frustrating, and if I can manage to have fun with ShTH Forces will definitely be entertaining :V but it’s clear something went seriously wrong during the production and it feels like there are bits of the game missing, bits that could’ve elevated the quality from “good” to “excellent” - which is also why I hope Sonic Team doesn’t throw everything away but keeps the good parts and expands on them to create an even better game next time.

So if you’re planning on getting Forces, ask yourself what do you want to see in a Sonic game, because that’s the thing that makes the difference between “it’s not perfect but I can have fun with this” and “this game is absolute trash and Sonic doesn’t deserve this”.

#sonic the hedgehog #sf spoilers//#long post #fullysowerewolf

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agl03 · 7 years ago

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Why do you think the writers hate seeing Fitz simmons happy ? I used to think they just don't know how to write a happy couple and integrate it into the show. But then in the finale we got a satisfying conclusion for Mack and Elena and even robbie and daisy (I know they're not a couple but it was sweet how they fought together and had scenes and dialog together)

Anonymous said:I keep seeing things (starting last season) about how Fitz might ‘hold on to some darkness from the framework’ and how Fitzsimmons as a couple 'will always love each other but might not survive what happened in the framework’. Anyway, what do you think the chances of this grimmer prognosis being endgame after season 5?

Hi Anons!

I hope you don’t mind I combined since these both have similar points I will address.

First up: Why do the writers hate seeing Fitzsimmons happy?

Its not that they don’t like seeing Fitzsimmons happy, its that they want to keep their story ‘interesting’. I don’t need Fitzsimmons to have horrid amounts of angst, impossible love triangles, or road block after road block to be interesting. I’ve said time and time again I’d love to see them working through the crazy as an actual couple. But for the writers they need to do things like that to keep the audience hooked and rooting for them. Most people are rooting for Fitzsimmons to be together.

However, the writers have gone well past ‘keeping it interesting’ to the point where the road blocks have frustrated some fans to the point of leaving. Yes, its fun to root for a favorite ship but they have crossed that line from fun to frustrating and haven’t had enough positive to offset the pain of things like the Framework Arc for Fitz.

Some drama is okay, but I’d rather have Fitzsimmons fighting to stay together…together than them continually physically separated (though I am prepared for that early in 5 due to Iain coming back late) with a crazy pants love triangle.

Also remember they only put obstacles in the way to delay the inevitable.

But then in the finale we got a satisfying conclusion for Mack and Elena and even robbie and daisy (I know they’re not a couple but it was sweet how they fought together and had scenes and dialog together)

Those that follow me know I’m very worried that something terrible is coming for Mackelena. If you look at the end of Season 3, Fitzsimmons had the ‘happy ending’ and look at the fun that they had in Season 4. Starting off a season in a super good place as a couple usually isn’t a good sign, and its not only AOS that has that.

I keep seeing things (starting last season) about how Fitz might 'hold on to some darkness from the framework’ and how Fitzsimmons as a couple 'will always love each other but might not survive what happened in the framework’. Anyway, what do you think the chances of this grimmer prognosis being endgame after season 5?

This is the fun time pre season where we start to see all sorts of things pop up but be VERY careful with click bait articles and old interviews. The Click Bait articles know just as much (and in some cases less) than we do. We literally have NOTHING on Fitz right now except he was with Hunter at some point in 5. That is it. The only time he’s been seen at work was in Lil’s Harvey video. We know he’s in 6 at some point because his double is there…oh joy.

The writers likely had an idea of where they would take Season 5 so there is a bit of truth to the end of season quotes. But things change, stories go a different direction, and most of those quotes were from Jed and Jeph who we have to take with a chunk of salt.

Everyone has Light and Dark in them, even Fitz. They warned us way back in 1.12 how dangerous it would be for Fitz to go evil. First the talk of potential, then the cautionary tale with Donnie, and the fact Donnie/Seth lured Fitz there to help them solve the power problem. We had more foreshadowing in the discussion about AIDA and Fitz brought up that Electricity could be dangerous yet it also powered our hospitals. Fitz always had that potential to go evil (as does every other character) and when given the choice, he didn’t. It was only after his choice was taken from him and he was subjected to a lifetime of manipulation and even abuse in the Framework that he did.

I also feel “The Doctor” and “The Darkness” are two different things.

Fitz showed no indications of “The Doctor” once he was free and had his agency back, not even towards Ophelia who hurt him so much. It would also be tough to have Fitz fighting “The Doctor” when you have 3 other main cast members that were in there too. The writers would need for Coulson, Mack and May to also be dealing with their Framework selves and I just don’t see them having time for that fitting into the story.

I feel the better story with Fitz and how “The Darkness” can linger, is him being scared to create/build because of what happened last season, to have him worried whatever he does will hurt others. Have that be the shadow he has to overcome. Essentially it could a twist on the ‘loss of powers’ and or “scared of ones powers” trope that we see so often.

I can also see a second avenue to this in that Fitz is a lot more reluctant to trust anyone new they come across. Even if there is someone genuinely good that needs his help, he’s been burned by Radcliffe and won’t want to make that mistake again.

As for the Fitzsimmons relationship. Again, we know squat at this point but after last season, I have put my expectations back in the gutter like they were in Seasons 2 and 3.

One of our big take aways from Season 4 is that it left NO question that Fitzsimmons loved each other and the lengths they would go to protect the other. “Theirs is a forever love,” there is no one else.

However, they both did things in trying to protect the other (and the team) that it nearly cost them the other forever (most of the team did this and everything everyone did in an effort to protect the others blew up in an epic fashion…moral of the story….they need to work together). On the Fitzsimmons side of things, Fitz helped build AIDA and the Framework. Jemma took the promotion with Mace. What needs to happen is they need to do what works best for them, working TOGETHER to stay together and heal. You hear me writers!

I am not saying Fitzsimmons will be sunshine and roses when we come back. There is still a lot of fall out to deal with but Jemma’s Amen made it clear she didn’t blame Fitz. She knows he was manipulated and twisted just like the others were. She knows that wasn’t him in there. I feel more of the burden may go to Fitz in forgiving himself and allowing himself to move on.

Everyone also needs to be prepared for Fitzsimmons to possibly be physically separated at some point in the early eps. Iain didn’t get back until filming for 3 and yes he can make up scenes but its easier to isolate him somehow and minimize how much they had to go back and do.

So going in here my expectations for things like kisses, screen time together, and emotional healing conversations are low. But my overall prognosis for Fitzsimmons is good. We have a whole season to heal and set up for a big moment. I have my eye on the 100th ep and finale for something like that. Since we are back sooner than expected there could be something good or bad before the only hiatus we’ll have over the Holidays.

#aos spoilers #aos speculation #ask agl03 #fitzsimmons #team engineering #engineering vs biochem

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freaoscanlin · 7 years ago

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Given Unsought, Part 1

A/N: This fic is something I’ve been working on and I’m pretty deep into it now. I’ll be posting the full thing on AO3 as soon as I figure out just a bit of it, but I thought I’d put the first part up now. This is a retelling of season three of Agents of SHIELD where Jemma came back from Maveth just a liiiiittle bit different. The final fic will be about 40-45k, and it’ll be broken down into weeks. Jemma/Daisy with mentions of other ships. Warnings for language, injury, isolation, past abuse. I’ll be posting the fic in chunks and tagged on my blog as “given unsought.” Thanks to @insidiousmisandry for encouraging this, you enabler.

Love sought is good, but given unsought is better. The Twelfth Night, Act III, Scene I, Line 147

Week Four

In her years at SHIELD, Daisy had learned to evaluate the silence of the post-mission flight. The grim quiet of a failed mission had an entirely different flavor to the quiet of exhaustion after a successful op. And a truly successful op didn’t usually contain great stretches of time without talking. Bringing an agent back from the dead usually called for breaking into one of Hunter’s many secret stashes of beer on the quinjet and cracking open a cold one. If Bobbi was the pilot, she’d play cheesy eighties pop on the intercom and Daisy could get a dance party started in the hold.

She’d even twirled May once. That had been very, very strange, and Daisy still wasn’t sure she hadn’t dreamed that.

The flight from Gloucester should have been jubilant, full of dancing and music. They’d brought Simmons back. She was safe, and coming home, and Fitz—after months and months where Daisy had lost hope—had done it, the cheeky bastard. He’d gone to another world and had come back clutching his friend. By all rights, even though she’d drained all of her energy, Daisy should have been standing on her seat, holding a beer aloft and shout-singing Captain & Tenille with Mack. Instead, she sat quietly in the co-pilot’s seat and watched his giant hands as he moved them over the controls.

“Feeling okay?”

“Nothing sleeping for a year can’t fix.” She stretched out her arms, grimacing as her muscles creaked. “I still can’t believe Fitz did it.”

“Can’t you? He’s a determined one, our Fitz.”

Daisy nodded. She could have flown back on Zephyr One, but she hadn’t wanted to abandon Mack. Plus, she suspected that she’d only be in the way as Bobbi checked Simmons over. And maybe there was a desire to avoid more unnecessary medical checkups herself. Sure, she had the mother of all migraines, but the nosebleed had stopped. She’d be fine. “What do you think it was like over there?”

“Looked like it was pretty dusty.” Mack flipped a couple switches overhead.

Daisy glanced down at her front, still covered in dirt from the explosion of the monolith and hugging Jemma afterward. “Well, you’re not wrong.”

“We’ll find out more soon enough, Tremors.”

“Yeah, I know. I’m just impatient. I can’t believe she’s back. Like finally, something’s going our way.” Chasing down the rapidly expanding inhuman outbreak pattern had grown exhausting. Convincing Dr. Garner to let even one of the people onto her team of secret warriors doubly so. She’d fallen into the classic pitfall of being evaluated by him herself earlier that day and even though she hadn’t wanted to rail at it as much as she would’ve in the past, he did leave her feeling frustrated and annoyed.

But Simmons was back, and she was going to be fine, so that had to count for something.

“A much needed win,” Mack said, smiling as he agreed. “Seatbelt on, we’re coming in.”

“Yes, sir, Mr. Pilot sir.”

Mack rolled his eyes at her, but she caught the smile he tried to hide.

The Zephyr had beaten them back to base. Though Daisy expected everybody to be busy with Jemma, Bobbi stood with her hip cocked and her arms crossed over her chest, waiting for the loading ramp to descend. Daisy groaned.

“Time to head to the lab. Coulson’s orders,” Bobbi said.

“I’m fine. I just need to sleep and I’ll feel like a human being again. Things just got a little shaky for a bit—ha. Literally.”

“You passed out twice,” Bobbi said, tilting her head. “We’ll put you on a bunk next to Simmons.”

Okay, that might not be terrible. With all of the science that needed to be run, it wasn’t like she would be able to see Jemma at all otherwise. Daisy followed Bobbi out of the hangar, both of them waving cheerily at Mack as he sarcastically called that, sure, he’d be happy to handle the post-mission checklist by himself, no problem.

“He loves us,” Bobbi said as she walked Daisy to the lab.

Bobbi had lied: they’d put Jemma off to one side of the lab and Daisy was led to the other and checked over by a SHIELD tech. With their leading inhuman biology expert on another planet for months, the rest of the lab workers had had to step up, and it just wasn’t the same. None of them ever gave her lollipops the way Jemma had sardonically taken to doing to keep Daisy from griping about getting poked so much. She wanted to complain, but Bobbi kept looking over and raising an eyebrow at her. Daisy decided it was easier not to cause a ruckus.

“Can I go yet?” she asked.

“Just a couple more tests, Agent Johnson.”

“Sameer, we’re poker buddies. You know all my tells, I think that entitles you to call me Daisy.”

For that, he took another vial of blood, though he assured her he would’ve done that anyway. Daisy grumped at him and leaned back on her cot. Movement on the opposite side of the room, near where Jemma still slept, caught her eye. One of the techs running blood tests did a double-take at something on his screen and began gesturing, wildly. Fitz and Bobbi immediately raced over. Daisy rose to her feet, too, only for Sameer to grab her arm.

“You probably should give them a moment,” he said.

“If she’s hurt—”

“They’ll figure it out much faster without distractions.”

As much as she hated it, he had a point. Daisy allowed herself to be pulled back, and sat down on the cot while Sameer ran the rest of his tests. She kept an eye on things, monitoring the way the surprised tech gesticulated while talking to Fitz and Bobbi. Fitz shoved him to the side and typed rapidly into his computer. Whatever he saw on the screen made him shove both hands into his curls and rest his hands on his head, elbows out.

Bobbi put a hand on his shoulder and said something to the tech.

“Something’s wrong,” Daisy said. “Something’s wrong with her—I need to—”

But Fitz stomped right past her when she stood up. Bobbi looked over, met Daisy’s eyes, and shook her head. She gestured for Daisy to stay put.

“She can’t expect me to just sit here when something might be wrong with Simmons,” Daisy said.

“Looks like she does.” Sameer rummaged in the pocket of his lab coat and held out a grape lollipop. “Will this help?”

“No.” But Daisy took it anyway. She flopped down, determined to stay until Bobbi gave her some answers. She missed the needle until Sameer had it in her arm. “What the—hey! What are you doing?”

“Dr. Morse’s orders. It’s just a sedative.”

Daisy felt her eyes begin to roll back into her head. “I’m cleaning you out next time we play poker,” she said and the last thing she saw before she slept was Simmons, curled up on a cot, asleep.

The only mercy when she opened her eyes was that her head no longer ached, but everything else pretty much sucked. Her mouth felt like it was stuffed with cotton, her left arm had fallen asleep because she’d apparently laid on top of it for hours, and Mack hadn’t carried her back to her bed like he occasionally did whenever somebody (Bobbi) knocked her out. She’d apparently been kept in the lab, drooling into a pillow for all the techs to see. Not that there were many of those around at the moment.

Daisy rubbed her hand over her face and grimaced at the gritty sensation. She glanced at the clock, saw that it was just after four a.m., and groaned. “I’m quaking Sameer into a wall next time I see him.”

“I’d advise against that.” Bobbi’s voice sounded rusty. Daisy looked over her shoulder and saw her on the chair beside her cot, eyes open and arms crossed over her chest. The knee brace had been set aside for the night. “He was following my orders.”

“Yeah, well, don’t think you’re forgiven either, Barbara.”

Bobbi made a face and sat up. “Like you’d have gotten any sleep with that migraine you tried to hide. You can thank me later.”

“Thank. Right. That’s exactly what’ll happen.” Daisy sat up and stretched. She looked over across the lab, to the other cot on the far end. “Is Simmons okay?”

Bobbi paused for so long that Daisy swiveled away from Jemma to face her coworker. “Is something wrong? The planet wasn’t killing her slowly, was it?” Best to blurt out the worst possible option, get it out of the way, even while her brain hammered Not Jemma not Jemma not Jemma.

“No. Her body adapted to what we suspect is a lower level of oxygen, so that will cause a few problems in the short term. Her metabolism’s changed. But she’s healthy.” Bobbi folded her arms over her chest. “But there’s something else, though. She’s pregnant.”

The word slammed into Daisy so hard it might as well have been a punch to the face. “She got sucked into an alien planet and came back pregnant? Was it something in the air? Or was it the planet? Wait, how is that even possible? And is she okay? Is the baby okay? How far along—”

“Easy there, motor mouth,” Bobbi said, and Daisy abruptly shut up. Hysteria, she realized. That was what coursed through her veins. That, and adrenaline. “One question at a time.”

“How?” was all Daisy can manage.

“She hasn’t talked much, but as far as we can tell, it happened the usual way. As far as we can tell, she’s about four weeks along. That’s early to tell, but we’re SHIELD. Cutting edge is kind of our thing.”

“She wasn’t alone over there?”

“There was an astronaut with her. She didn’t say his name, but we’re assuming that he’s human.” Bobbi shrugged.

Daisy looked toward Jemma. In sleep, she remained twitchy, pale and drawn like she constantly awaited danger. For all they knew, she did. Daisy’d barely heard her say five words since Fitz pulled her out of the portal.

Speaking of…

“Guess there’s no need to ask how Fitz is taking it?” Daisy asked. Late one night, drunk off cheap tequila and sitting in the middle of the room he’d turned into a conspiracy theorist’s wet dream in search of Simmons, he’d confessed that he’d made his move. Daisy, not nearly as drunk, had found herself struggling to congratulate him, with no idea why. They’d be cute together, she’d said, when they got Jemma back. Of course they would be. They were Fitz and Simmons. FitzSimmons. They already had a smushname all their own without even trying.

And hell, Fitz’s mania had paid off, hadn’t it? Fitz had doggedly and methodically followed the steps to save her for months, while Daisy threw herself into finding inhumans so she wouldn’t have to think about the grief and fear waiting just around the corner, far too close for comfort.

“I don’t know,” Bobbi said. “He didn’t say much when he came back.”

She gestured. On the other side of the lab, Fitz had a studied frown on his face as he stared into a microscope. From the set of his shoulders alone, Daisy figured bothering him would be one of the worst ideas she’d entertained since trusting her mother.

“You know she asked him to dinner right before…” Bobbi trailed off.

“I know,” Daisy said. “Should I—I don’t know? Talk to him?”

“You can try, but I don’t think it’ll work. I’m sending Hunter to annoy the truth out of him if he gets back soon.”

Daisy raised her eyebrows. “You’re going straight to the nuclear option?”

“For a man whose talents are very annoying, he’s also very good at what he does.” They both paused when Daisy’s wrist-unit beeped with an alert. “See you later.”

“Um, if she wakes up, tell her I’ll stop by?” There was too much she wanted to ask, as she was burning with curiosity and kind of a weird sense of unreality and terror. Her friend was pregnant. With an actual human child. Well. Daisy looked at her hands. Maybe mostly human. Who knew? Daisy sent one last swift look at Jemma and left to handle whatever emergency had arisen on the inhuman front.

What the hell happened on that planet, and what would Jemma do now?

Week Six

For the next two days, her timing was so terrible, it might as well be one of their plans. She dropped by whenever she could get one of the other agents to cover the enforcement agency channels, but Jemma was always sleeping. Daisy busied herself with briefings and seeing Joey, and worked on trying to track Lincoln, who wasn’t answering her calls. Finally, she escaped and made it to Jemma’s bedroom, but there was no answer to her soft knock, so Daisy moved on to her own quarters two doors down and passed out face first into the mattress.

Coulson called her in before she was even fully awake the next morning, to a distress call in Tallahassee. It turned out to be a false alarm—just a kid with a lighter and some superstitious neighbors—but the mission still nearly went sideways three times. Daisy couldn’t deny that she was frustrated. Searching for other inhumans was beyond trying to find a needle in a haystack. More like a needle in a field full of haystacks.

And behind all of that a constant tattoo beat in her head: Jemma is pregnant, Jemma came back from an alien planet with a baby.

In the hangar bay after nearly five days in Florida, she stepped off the quinjet and frowned. “Why don’t you go on without me?” she asked Mack.

“Tremors?” he asked, raising his eyebrows. “Got something on your mind?”

“Nah, I just—I just—” Stop babbling, Sk—Daisy. He’s going to know something’s up. “I think I’ll take a walk, clear my head before I get stuck in an underground base and feeling all claustrophobic. Or worse, somebody needs me to do something.”

Mack eyed her, but he nodded. “I’ll keep your paperwork warm for you.”

“My hero,” she said, and waved at the rest of the support team as they headed in for post-mission grub. Daisy moved back to her quarters to grab a set of civvies, pulling a dark beanie over her hair, and made for the secret exit that put her on Fourth Street. From there, it was only a few blocks to the bookstore.

She kept an eye out, just to be sure nobody tailed her, before taking a deep breath and stepping resolutely to the appropriate shelf. Wow, this area of the bookstore was huge. And there were so many books with similar titles. Daisy stared at the bookshelf.

Rows and rows of babies stared back at her from the covers. She picked up What to Expect When You’re Expecting because even a homeless hacker living in a van had heard of that one, and paged through. More than part of her felt ridiculous. It was absurd that she’d even be here looking at these books. Jemma had, like, a gazillion degrees, she was bound to know everything that went into pregnancy. But Daisy didn’t, and she felt kind of stupid about it.

Even worse, there wasn’t really a What to Expect When Your Best Friend Went to an Alien Planet and is Now Expecting. Unfair. There seemed to be every other super-specific topic of baby raising on these shelves. But that was Jemma Simmons for you. Always going above and beyond in the most endearing way.

Daisy selected a couple books that didn’t look as schmaltzy as the others, ones she suspected might be written with the fathers in mind, and carried them to the counter. She paid cash and made sure not to be memorable, neither staring nor avoiding the cashier’s eyes. When she left, she kept the beanie low.

At the next store over, she picked up a cloth shopping bag just in case the plastic bag they gave her wasn’t opaque enough. She also rooted around in a small gift section, as she didn’t want Jemma to think she was avoiding her or weird about anything. So a little trinket, that seemed like the ticket. A little blue vase of bright yellow daisies, cheerful and bobbing gently in the breeze of a ceiling fan, caught her eye, and Daisy paid for them almost without thinking about it. Books safely hidden, flowers in hand, she went home.

For once, she was in luck.

“Skye!” Jemma’s face lit up when Daisy stepped in. Then she looked down and away, sheepish. “Daisy. Sorry.”

Daisy held out the flowers. “It’s a multipurpose gift,” she said. “It’s pretty, and it’s a reminder. You can call me whatever you want.” She absolutely meant that. Everybody else had an adjustment period where they called her Sk-daisy, which was aggravating but at least they were trying. With Jemma, Daisy was so happy she was back that she didn’t care.

She studied her friend, pale and diminished but vibrantly alive, and words came tumbling out. “I can’t stay for too long, I’m tracking law-enforcement channels, but I’m really sorry that I haven’t come sooner. It’s—there’s just a lot going on.”

“And I’ve been sleeping.” Jemma’s voice cracked, but her smile felt real and familiar.

“Which is good,” Daisy said a little too fast. Sleep was good for the baby, right? It seemed like it would be. “Do whatever you need to do to get better. We need you. And I…” What did you say to somebody who comes back from another dimension with an amniotic passenger in tow? She sat down on the bed, glancing once at where Jemma’s hand resting on her abdomen. Absently, like an afterthought.

Jemma sighed. “Bobbi told you.”

“The tech who ran your tests wasn’t exactly discreet. Coulson fired his ass, don’t worry, but Bobbi told the team in case it got out. I know you probably don’t want to talk about what happened yet, but when you do, I’m here to listen.” Daisy set the bag of the books on the floor and sat on the bed, close to but not crowding her friend. Bobbi had warned her that Jemma still jumped at everything.

“I’d rather listen now, if that’s okay.” Jemma leaned forward. “The terrigen is spreading?”

“And so’s the paranoia.” Shoptalk. She could handle shoptalk. Daisy filled her in on the nightmare of the past few months, the way cocoons spread all over the world, with inhumans popping up—

“Like daisies?” Jemma interrupted, giving her a small, real smile.

“I’ll let you have that one,” Daisy said, unable to stop her laugh. “We found a new one a few weeks ago. Joey Gutiérrez. He’s very sweet. He just melts metal, like, poof, wow. I think once he gets a handle on it, he’ll be incredible. If we can ever get Dr. Garner to sign off on letting him be a full-time team member.”

At this rate, Andrew was never going to sign off on anybody for a secret inhuman team.

“And you?” Jemma asked, surprising Daisy. “How are you handling all of this?”

“I…” Daisy blinked. She hadn’t really thought about it. How was she handling Lincoln being a fugitive, the ads from politicians on TV, the fearmongering and spreading hate toward what she was? The message boards about “How to Hunt Inhuman Scum” that twisted her stomach into knots? Even at SHIELD, where she was insulated, a couple of the new agents still twitched whenever she walked into the room. “I’m handling it. I’ve been more worried about you, to be honest. You’re really okay?”

“I think so.” Jemma’s voice was soft, like talking too loud hurt her ears. “I just…there’s…some of it is hard to talk about and—”

She jolted like frightened prey when Daisy’s cell phone buzzed. “I am so sorry,” Daisy said.

“N-no, it’s okay. You should take that.”

Guilty, Daisy picked up the phone and answered. Lincoln’s voice, distressed and just as afraid as Jemma seemed, filled her ear. She gave Jemma one last apologetic look and, passing the daisies on the nightstand, hurried off go to handle yet another crisis.

Part 2.

#skimmons #bioquake #agents of shield #daisy johnson #jemma simmons #bobbi morse #mack #avengers #avengers fanfiction #aos fanfiction #fanfiction #given unsought #lincoln is there but he's kind of 'sir not appearing in this fic'

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ashadowstreak · 8 years ago

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An Update: What’s Been Going On With Me?

Long post ahead for those who care, you can read more after the break.

Okay, so I’m certain that you’ve noticed I haven’t uploaded anything Powerpuff related in about a month and a half. First and foremost, I want to apologize. I probably could have gotten videos on Secret Swapper and Rainy Day done by now had it not been for some of the things that I’ve been dealing with. I’ve had plenty of time to get those videos done but I’ve been getting discouraged as of late, and I feel the need to come clean.

One of those reasons that prevented me from getting work done was college. These past 2 semesters I had been dealing with terrible, terrible roommates who would belittle me and make me feel like crap all the time because of the way they treated me. I used to consider myself friends with these people, but for some reason they decided to change their mind and kick me to the curb because I wasn’t “worth their time” (to quote them) anymore. Every day I would get back from class only to lock myself in my room in isolation because it was the only safe place I had to escape those awful, awful people. I also had lots of studying to do at the end of April since final exams were coming up, so that took up a huge chunk of my time as well. However, I have since gotten home and have been taking it easy for nearly 3 weeks now, so I am no longer dealing with these specific problems. Those people are behind me and I never have to see them again, so they’ll no longer be an impediment in my everyday life.

Another major issue is that I’m still undergoing stomach troubles. I’ve been enduring some weird digestive problems ever since the first week of January and every doctor I’ve been to has been completely useless to me. None of them have even pointed me in the right direction and the only thing I’ve done that seems to have worked since the problems started is take a few Tums after each meal. I’m seeing a GI specialist in June so hopefully they figure out what’s wrong with me because I’m so fucking sick of feeling like shit every single time I eat something. It is so frustrating knowing that a few hours after a meal I’ll end up feeling so nasty and crummy that it ruins my night. It is so difficult for me to keep a positive attitude in life when nobody seems to want to help me become healthy again. For the past month or two I’ve been saying that I’ve been getting better, but I really haven’t been at all. The severity of the symptoms has decreased yes, but they’re nowhere near gone and I don’t know how I can keep living like this.

This also leads into my third problem, which is sleep deprivation. I stay up until some time between 11 pm & 1 am, that’s nothing new for me. But, my stomach problems sometimes cause me to stay up even later (once all the way until 5 am) because I can’t sleep with the discomfort that it causes me, and it ends up making me feel horrible for the entirety of the next day. This happens at least once a week, key words being: at least once. I can’t keep going on with this and need these stomach issues to be resolved.

So now we’re at four, right? The next thing that I want to get off my chest is my perfectionist attitude. Thing is, I want to work on Powerpuff reviews, I really do, but the aforementioned problems on top of the fact that I have other videos prioritized at the moment is making it very difficult for me to focus on them. Writing scripts has always been the hardest part of the video-making-process for me because I want to explain myself the absolute best way that I can. I don’t want to just shove out a sloppily put together video for you guys just to have it done. I’ve done that before; go back and watch my Sister Sitter review (a video I put zero effort into) and then watch my review of The Secret Life of Blossom (a video I spent hours upon hours on). The difference is impossible to miss. That’s the number one reason why they take so long.

Now as for point #5, I just started working again today. I go to work 5 days a week from 7 am to 3 pm each day, meaning that I’m losing a lot of time for working on videos so that I can make some money. For those who don’t know, I paint sidewalks/curbs/parking lots while at my job; it’s a very time-consuming process in which I spend several hours each day out in the hot sun watching paint dry. That’s my literal job description: watching paint dry. However, this isn’t all bad, for I spend the majority of my time painting off on my own where I can just think to myself & get lost in thought while I work. I plan on spending a great chunk of this time brainstorming new video ideas a well as things I’d say in any potential Powerpuff reviews, so hopefully this at least makes the script-writing process a little easier for me. But still, that’s 40 hours a week that I can’t spend writing/recording/editing.

Sixth, I have to admit that I’m getting a little discouraged. Okay I guess this can relate back to point #4, but the point still stands that I’m losing motivation. I see a bunch of other YouTubers, both big and small, putting out videos consistently, and I get upset with myself because I’m incapable of doing that. I used to be able to do that last summer when my videos were 3-5 minutes long, but I don’t really do that much anymore because I spend so much more time on my videos now. Sure, the Samurai Jack impressions are turning out to be around 7-8 minutes, but I’m just barely scraping by with those videos each week; based on the recording session that I just got finished with an hour ago, you’re probably going to be able hear it in my voice. I honestly don’t know what’s going on with me, maybe it’s just a bit of a rough patch or something, but I’m just not feeling it right now.

Now for part two of this post: I’ve got two big videos in the works at the moment as I’m sure many of you already know. Well, I want to show you how massive one of these two videos is that I’m currently working on.

Nearly 50 minutes long, and that’s with minimal editing as you can see in the image above. No added clips, no montages, no jokes, etc. None of these things have been added yet, it’s purely audio & timestamps; needless to say, this is an incredibly difficult undertaking that I have to deliver on, and it’s certainly proving to be a challenge.

I also plan on putting a hell of a lot more effort into the presentation of my upcoming Q&A video compared to the lazily slapped together video that I did for my first one. I want it to be entertaining for people to watch as a whole, not just something that people skip through to see their question and nothing else you know? I realize I can’t control whether or not people do that, but I want to go the extra mile if it means making at least one person out there smile.

I promise these videos will be out eventually, but I can’t promise a specific date for either of them because I have no idea how long they will take. Secret Swapper will be the next video after that, and then I should be able to get back to doing more ppg reviews. I also have two planned collabs with other YouTubers as of right now, and I want to contact a third person about doing one once I get all of this shit figured out. I have an idea of an episode that I’d like to do with them should they choose to accept, but I have a bunch of other reviews that I have to do first before I can get to that one. That’s the other reason why I’ve been so late to asking (if you happen to be reading this), I don’t want to discuss it now only to wait 2 months before we could even start working on it.

But enough about that. The impressions videos for C and CI of Samurai Jack will not be affected and should be out this week and next week respectively. Thanks for taking the time to read this incredibly long post (probably the longest one I’ve ever written), and I’ll try to keep you all updated.

#An Update #delete later

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raguna-blade · 5 years ago

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More neat stuff involving the mementos depths. I super dig that the entire operation going on is super evidently self contradictory.

Like this isn’t in the least a secret or clever, but the fact that the entire place frames itself as simultaneously a prison, where one is very explicitly limited in your freedoms, and a place one can be truly free is actually kinda fascinating to me because the entire framing of everything makes it abundantly clear that not a single person involved is in their right minds on the subject.

Certainly, there is room for opening up your options while under duress, seeing what it is you can truly get away with while you’re in a box, but that doesn’t make you free by any stretch of the imagination. The fact the place is loaded to the gills with cops and guards who’s express purpose is to beat you back into line makes clear how much freedom you actually have. Indeed, given the fact that once you make it past the open door that only opens from one side, you’re already trapped in the depths it makes the police doubly useless. Their purpose is not to protect anyone, nor even really to catch escapees or anything like that, they’re just there for like...intimidation. And heck, given that basically everyone who exists within the palace has zero desire to even leave or do much of anything, it makes even that super questionable.

Except of course, for the quarantine room which...It’s odd right? I mean at this point something is obviously obviously amiss, but we’re told within there is the most vile evil criminal but...

It’s a prison right? Everyone in there is a criminal, so what could possibly be in there that’s of relevance. More over, what necessitates it being in a DOUBLE prison of a quarantine? You don’t put something under quarantine for shits and giggles. Indeed, of everything in this entire prison complex, it’s the only thing that’s operating even remotely in the correct direction of one, since the entire purpose of that is to make sure that whats inside can’t escape, or rather more accurately spread.

Which leads to other neat stuff, namely that Butterflies are fucking EVERYWHERE in this place. Locked up like treasures in the little cages (which I must have realized before but they’re totally the same ones that pop up during the other trips through and around mementos but the little butterflies flitting away i don’t think I did.), or the way that the little lock puzzles ultimately reveal a blue butterlfy on each lock which allows you to go further into the depths.

Which, obviously, a Philemon reference (which i’m gonna have to look into more generally thinking about it. In Persona at least, Jung’s theories of the mind are as I understand it explicitly correct. Like literally explained to him by Philemon? So there’s still some stuff missing that could be applied here but moving on) but what I REALLY like about this is it’s MORE foreshadowing. Getting rather explicit, which is fair because we’re riding on up to the big reveal, but the fact that the butterfly motifs are still pretty visible when they’re red, at least once you start noticing them, it also starts cluing you in earlier about the whole Yaldabaoth as Igor reveal, or at least that he’s definitely off in some way.

Let’s see, anything else before I get there...Oh, the way that the palace rulers are described as MORE human than the various people who are wading around in the dumps. It’s actually a little interesting to me that they’re referred to this way, since the thing that presumably allowed them to escape the Prison were their fervent desires. Which were you know...Kinda also fucking them up. Leading them to do things that were well...less than good one might say.

But weirdly, kinda in the way that makes sense for all Shadows under the system, this does actually make you overlook their good qualities (bear with me). Like say what you will about everything they’ve done, but to reach any of their positions required a tremendous amount of drive to achieve in the first place, no matter how it got twisted. Kamoshida was STILL an Olympian you realize? That doesn’t just happen. Kaneshiro was successfully running a pretty beefy criminal empire. Shido, for everything else, had a keen as hell insight into people, enough that the cognitive doubles in his palace were basically shadows in their own right of the originals.

But also interesting in this, is that we never actually see Sae down here (I say this having not QUITE completed the dungeon and memory from last play being a few years old so Sure egg on my face in a couple minutes if so) but as far as we know 1) Her treasure was never actually stolen. Her palace existed at least long enough for them to pull the ole switcheroo, but there was never an indication that they properly stole the treasure even after the fact, and 2) She managed to hit Confidant 10 with Joker.

Now what’s interesting about those things aren’t the mechanics of palace theft and all, but rather that it suggests the distorted desires are not actually, in and of themselves, the problem. The problem is the Isolation. We see it throughout the Prison, but the worst off prisoners aren’t the ones in the communal cells, they actually still seem the most reasonable, it’s the ones who’re locked up alone getting drained of what I must assume is literal desire/ambition/maybealsoblood.

But for real, nothing on the face of it is actually quote unquote wrong with the desires put in play by any of the palace owners. Application certainly, don’t get it twisted, but say the Desire to Win isn’t wrong really. Especially if you are legitimately trying to see justice applied, often in thorny situations. Same with the desire for money, to lead people, and yeah even dumb stupid lust.

Like put another way, it would be so so so so so easy for most or all of these palaces to be tweaked into something positive, with the same overall themes. Madarame comes to mind easiest because well...A curator at a museum man. If he has nothing else going for him, he has a verifiable talent in recognizing and developing the talents of others, and it would be EASY to see that work out positively. Shido, who is by far the biggest asshole of everyone wants to captain the ship of a sinking country? Save the people dying the water right?

Again, back to Sae,following her palace, and assuming no heart was stolen (a thing we KNOW can occur! See Mishima’s whole thing. Arguably, stealing the “treasures” are unnecessary, just gotta have a solid heart to heart with the shadow and get them to realize stuff. Treasure makes it easier maybe, but not necessary), she’s still a pretty intense lady, and nothing else seems to have overtly changed except that maybe she’s not quite as stressed about everything now.

Or heck, and this one is fuzzier since it’s pretty explicitly not a story thing, but the Thieves Den is referred to as a palace and...Well ok let’s look into that as a story mechanic! Everything in display in the Joker Palace would be...Friends. Cool stuff that happened. Jose (who...Gotta look into that guy but he’s whatever right this minute) It’s variable certainly, but if we take that, and consider that probably the most desired thing of a kid who got wrongfully accussed and sent to a new city would be friends and cool stories well...as a desire it’d be pretty straightforward wouldn’t it?

I dunno. I’m rambling at this point and it’s quite a bit more than I intended when I sat down. Gonna go and finish at least this chunk of the game maybe in a minute.

#Persona 5r #Spoilers #Palaces

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imdrew · 5 years ago

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an autobiographical playlist

Link: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0969nlIzBIXZZB9ClnyYHN The telling of my personal story is much harder than I thought it would be, for several reasons. I’ve seen a lot, been through a lot, and conquered a lot, and finding music that helped tell that story actually ended up being far easier than I had anticipated. I, of course, had to leave numerous songs on the proverbial cutting room floor, but that’s the blessing of a deadline—at some point, I have to call it a day. I’m happy to report that I’ll be calling it a day with a triumphant smile splattered across my slightly aged yet youthful, angular visage.

The story I chose to tell was my coming of age, and my rise from intellectually gifted, mentally ill drug addict to intellectually gifted, medicated, sober, bisexual academic that rediscovered an appreciation for the gift of life that had previously escaped me. For years, I was a person who would consistently get in his own way, impeding the potential I was constantly told I had…seriously, teacher after teacher after teacher told me how much I was capable of accomplishing, “if only…”

However, because I’m a glutton for punishment, I chose to challenge myself a little more by telling my life story mostly through songs that have come out in recent years, rather than using songs from those earlier days that undeniably left an impact. Those songs are still very critical and will always have a special place in my heart, but I thought it might be a fun side experiment to see how music from the last few years can just as accurately communicate life experiences that pre-date it by almost a decade.

The first and last songs on this playlist come from the same album, Mac Miller’s latest and, unfortunately, final album Swimming. Released a month before his untimely death of an overdose, Swimming is the artistic peak of Miller’s career, an album made solely for him, to let himself know that he was okay rather than appeasing the rest of the world. The opening track, “Come Back to Earth”, is one that hit me square in the chest when I heard it for the first time. The opening passage says it all: “My regrets look like texts I shouldn’t send. And I’ve got neighbors, they’re more like strangers

We could be friends. I just need a way out of my head. I’d do anything for a way out of my head.”

From the age of six, I dealt with both auditory and visual hallucinations that increased in severity as I aged. When I was a junior in high school, my illness completely manifested, and as a result, I don’t remember a large chunk of my adolescence. Between the hallucinations completely obscuring the lines between reality and fiction and my rapidly increasing drug use (coupled with my reluctance to tell any of my loved ones about my mental deterioration), I was a complete wreck. I truly needed a way out of my head, and while I absolutely had friends, I felt a considerable disconnect because I was unable to open up about the most personal parts of myself. In addition to struggling with my mental illness, I was coming to terms with my sexuality while grappling with an internalized homophobia that had been reinforced by my Catholic education and the people I was surrounded by on a daily basis. I was in desperate need of an escape, but that wouldn’t come for several more years. I continued to suffer silently into my freshman year at Muhlenberg College, which culminated in me failing out after the first semester with a 0.00 GPA. My parents’ own Blutarsky—oh how proud they were (I hope my sarcasm is palpable).

The second and third songs on the playlist are meant to transport the listener back to my first college years. With what I saw as a new lease on life, I developed a persona that was the antithesis of the mild-mannered, even-tempered, very sick and awkward kid from my youth. Brent Faiyaz’s “Gang Over Luv” perfectly encapsulates my new “too cool for school” attitude, whereas the weird but wonderful “Cool” by Zack Villere harkens back to my more genuine insecurities that would pop up whenever I was by myself, which admittedly was more than I’d like to admit.

When I was away at college, it was my first exposure to what I believed to be true independence. I was indulging in everything that would come my way, be it drugs, sex or both. Despite having a bit of a novelty pick, Lil Uzi Vert’s (in my mind) under-appreciated “XO TOUR Llif3” and RAJAN’s “Cocaine Fantasy” paint that picture perfectly. I was lost in a drug-induced haze that painted permanent rose sunglasses on my face and allowed me to act without any worry for the consequences. Yet, at the same time, I felt nothing but isolation, which is the main theme in Benjamin Booker’s “The Slow Drag Under.” Everything about the tone of this song reminds me of how I would feel in those brief moments of sobriety, which would only last so long as I lived literally three doors down from my primary drug dealer.

Frank Ocean’s “Solo” is that lilting but not-entirely-transparent tale of a self-effacing kid trying to find any way to cope with his issues other than actually addressing them head-on—it’s not exactly a cautionary tale, but it certainly doesn’t glamorize the frequent weed smoking and sexual indulgence that I had been embarking on throughout the semester. The haze was starting to break, and I was realizing that pretending things were fine wasn’t a sustainable way to live. Hence, “Fake Happy”, Hayley Williams and Paramore’s foray into self-analysis and social critique, a summer-y yet brutally honest mirror being held up to the listener:

“Oh please, don’t ask me how I’ve been

Don’t make me play pretend

Oh no, oh what’s the use

Oh please. I think everybody here is fake happy too.”

By the day after Christmas, the illusion had broken. Sitting in my bedroom at home, my parents presented me with a letter confirming the inevitable: I had, indeed, failed out of school. I was asked to take a semester off and return in the fall on probationary status, but considering how severely my mental state had deteriorated, it was clear I wouldn’t be able to return. Eryn Allen Kane’s sobering “Have Mercy”, a completely acapella track, conveys almost perfectly the loneliness I felt; like I was floating in space counting my blessings yet failing to account for most of them. I was slipping down into the water, without a care or sense of direction. I needed more help than I realized, and finally, I asked for help.

Chance’s “Same Drugs” and Ariana Grande’s blissful “breathin” are reflections on my move from hard illicit drugs to mood stabilizers, antipsychotics, and cognitive behavioral therapy. My hallucinations completely disappeared by the end of the spring, I learned how to meditate, and started seeing a therapist, which helped me find the mental fortitude to enter the first serious romantic relationship of my life, which lasted a year and I have learned, over time, to be tremendously thankful for. Frank Ocean makes his second appearance on this playlist in the form of his single “Provider”, a smooth, watery track that analyzes the role a relationship or loved one plays in the life of someone who is learning how to deal with feelings that hadn’t experienced prior:

“Feelings you provide, I know I know.

Tonight I might change my life, all for you.”

I thought I was ready to change my life for her, and in a lot of ways, I did. That said, even though I stopped using hard drugs, I still would indulge (secretly) in copious amounts of weed when I would visit my friends at my single-semester alma mater. Considering how much I fought to keep my drug dependency from my family and especially my girlfriend, I still had a good amount of work to do on myself before I could fully commit and make those changes. The relationship ended in tumult, but thankfully as we’ve gotten older the ice has thawed and civility reigns.

I also had more work to do when it came to learning how to love myself for every part of myself, and that included my sexuality. It was something that I still hadn’t explored, and frankly, I wasn’t ready to until recently. I met a boy named Kevin, and while things never took off for us, he nonetheless played a tremendously pivotal role in my path to the self-love I possess today. Daniel Caesar’s “Get You” is a slow, psychedelic love song that cherishes the passion and intimacy that a fulfilling relationship brings, and Tyler The Creator’s “Garden Shed” is an anthemic, soaring coming out song that so perfectly puts my own experience into words I couldn’t have written it better:

“Garden shed, garden shed, garden shed, garden shed

For the garden

That is what I was hiding

That is what love I was I in

Ain't no reason to pretend

Garden shed, garden shed, garden shed

Garden shed for the garçons

Them feelings I was guarding

Heavy on my mind

All my friends lost

They couldn't read the signs

I didn't wanna talk and tell em' my location

And I didn't wanna walk

Truth is, since you kid, I thought it was a phase

Thought it would be like the phrase poof, gone

But, it's still going on.”

Kehlani’s acoustic celebration of same-sex love, “Honey”, continues this theme, echoed one final time by Whitney Houston’s timeless “Exhale”, which doubles as both an acknowledgement of my current emotional and mental state as well as a thank you to all of my previous romantic partners whom, though I wasn’t ready to love them all the way, taught me valuable lessons about both life and myself.

Enter the greatest song of all time (I’m only half kidding) in the form of John Mayer’s “Gravity”. I don’t really need to say much about this song, except that it means a lot to me. It’s a song that continues to bring me peace on every listen, a grounding presence when I need it most and one that focuses me and brings me back down to Earth, which if you’ll recall from the beginning of the playlist, I had been searching for my entire life.

The final three tracks on the playlist kind of wrap everything in a tight, pretty bow, and bring us back to the present. First we have Miles Davis’ “Take It or Leave It”, a quick, hypnotic instrumental track from his Bitches Brew sessions (a sonic palate cleanser, if you will), followed by “SAN MARCOS” by BROCKHAMPTON, a relatively new hip-hop group from South Central Los Angeles that I think is tremendous. This song sits near the end of their latest record and addresses everything from members working through their various mental illnesses, coming to terms with fame and realizing that while they’ve come quite far from where they started, there’s even more that life has to offer that they have yet to find.

“Maybe I'm broken, either way I'm clinging on closely

I know it's not healthy

Appreciate your patience, I know that I'm selfish

Do my best to be selfless, I know that I'm changing

I know that I'm changing.”

The thing that strikes me the most about BROCKHAMPTON is how unflinchingly honest they are in their lyrics. I felt the same way about Mac when he was alive—this willingness to put it all out there, to put your fallibility on paper, to epitomize humanity for the world to see is a show of breathtaking strength, one that I hope to achieve and am continually working towards.

The playlist comes to a close with the closing track from the aforementioned Swimming, “2009”, which shows Miller finding clarity and mental solitude that he had been chasing his whole life, much as I have. I see a lot of myself in Mac, honestly, but I’ll leave that for another time (that’s honestly a paper in itself…and maybe a therapy session or two.) “2009” is chillingly beautiful recognition that while we may not have it all together, that’s okay, because we’re getting there.

“Yeah they ask me what I'm smilin' for

Well, because I've never been this high before

It's like I never felt alive before

Mhmm, I'd rather have me peace of mind than war

See me and you, we ain't that different

I struck the fuck out and then I came back swingin'

Take my time to finish, mind my business

A life ain't a life 'til you live it

I was diggin' me a hole big enough to bury my soul

Weight of the world, I gotta carry my own

My own, with these songs I can carry you home

I'm right here when you're scared and alone.”

With that, you have a general idea of who I am, where I’ve been, and where I am today. I won’t sit here and act like I have it all together, because I don’t. With that said, though, I’m sober, mentally stable, in a happy and loving relationship with an incredible woman, and allowing myself to be vulnerable and transparent with the people I hold close. I feel alive, and ready to come back swinging. For the first time in my already very long and simultaneously short life, I am awake, and I am happy. I have a renewed sense of purpose, an appreciation for life and the things that bring me joy, and a desire to pursue a career in education or anything that involves some sort of writing/literary analysis…

…which I’m sure you can gather from the fact that I just wrote the equivalent of my usual eight-page paper replete with SAT buzzwords even though I swore to myself I wouldn’t. Oh well!

#writing #personal #playlist #mine

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