#that is. a lot of cats. and dragons. and anime boys

[ailithnight]

DPxDC Prompt #8

Danny was practicing shapeshifting with Amorpho when he felt the tug of a summoning and heard the distant words drifting into his mind.

Normally Danny would just ignore it. Or if it seems like this was a group that needed some sense scared into them, he'd shift into his Horror form and terrify them into never pulling this shit again. But then he heard them mention live sacrifices, and Danny just had to step in before that happened. So he let the summoning pull him on through, briefly forgetting he was shapeshifted into a... less than ideal form.

Danny lands in the circle right on top of one of the intended sacrifices, a group of people in weird outfits and, is that guy green? Irrelevant. Immediately Danny on knows something is very wrong. His powers feel muted and far away. His form suddenly feels, locked somehow.

He casts his gaze across the summoning circle and, to his horror, recognizes the binding ritual. These cultists wanted to bind and seal him in one of these mortal's bodies after they were sacrificed. But they fucked up the spell. Or maybe Danny fucked it up by coming in too soon? Irrelevant again.

What matters is the spell went sideways. Instead of locking Danny into one of the sacrifice's bodies, it locked him into his own form while pulling most of his abilities just out of reach. Now he's here. In the shape of- He's stuck as-

"Dude, is that a pigeon? Did the Ghost King, like, send you to voicemail?"

[nexus-nebulae]

thinking about when i had such intense phantom limbs as a kid i told my math teacher about it

[hanafubukki]

So this just popped in my head and I thought it was kinda funny.

MC having a lot of handmade stuffed animals, bats lions dogs cats and even a dragon, they made themselves. Sadly as of late they've noticed some of their animals go missing for a while before returning and smelling like Lila. MC looks into it and learns since they showed Lilia their animals Lilia took a liking to them and steals them until mc smell is no longer on the stuffed animal.

The bats and the dragon get stolen the most ☺️

Hello Raven 💚🌺🌷

This is adorable! Plushies are cute and provide comfort. How can anyone not steal them??

I honestly expect the others to steal them too or Grim to be selling them as a side hustle 😂

Lilia sees these plushies, especially the bat and dragon ones. They are adorable and cute just like him. So how can he not take them?

There’s also this inner part of him. Something that just…clicks in him. This inner that wants and needs.

This hint of possessiveness.

I like my faes possessive and protective 🥰

Especially since it’s you, the one he adores.

The bat plushies give him this sense of pride. To own a symbol of him? To make one? He can’t help but feel delighted.

The dragon plushie reminds him of Malleus, especially if similar colors were used as when he was a baby. It brings back memories. A sense of warmth. It calls for him to snatch it away.

Then you add in the fact your scent is on it? Even better. He and you both have busy lives. You can’t be with him always. Yet. Plus, he has to look after the boys too along with his other responsibilities.

And you are busy handing your bundle of chaos and friends, so stealing these plushies will just have to do for days when you aren’t around.

When the smell wears off? He’s going to switch them around. Just so your smell is always fresh.

At least it’s your plushies for now, don’t be surprised if he steals your pillow or your scarves. In fact, are you sure you don’t want to move in? His bed is big enough for the both of you. ☺️💚

[married-to-google-translater]

Can I get Malleus (and maybe a few other TWST boys of your choice) with a fem reader who volunteers at a shelter and regularly comes home with dog or cat fur (and occasionally other stuff) on her scrubs? (She typically lint rolls the dog and cat fur off though.) Her main job is restraining the patients for when they get microchipped and vaccinated, but of course, some patients are kinda spicy lol. I had a tiring but fun shift yesterday.

I do this now for Malleus... Let's see If I do some other characters later.

This job would sound fun

Malleus Draconia

Malleus really wouldn't understand why you would want to work after you started dating.

You are royalty now and you wouldn't have to.

Or if you're not yet, you will be soon.

Broking up is not an option.

How happy you would be after working days would also strengthen his curiosity.

Malleus didn't expect that work could make you so happy.

He would also have noticed that your clothes were always covered in hair.

At first, Malleus would just think that you would visit the Savanclaw dormitory a lot.

But it wouldn't feel right.

Eventually, his curiosity would grow so big that he would have to ask about it.

Especially if you came home hurt one day.

The size of the wound would not matter in the eyes of Malleus.

That would mean someone hurt you.

And he would make that person suffer.

You should appease the dragon.

You promise to take Malleus to your workplace the next day.

Otherwise, a worried dragon may not let you continue working.

When Malleus visited your workplace he would understand why you liked it so much.

You had always been an animal-loving person.

Malleus also likes animals.

The feeling is not mutual.

He just want's you be more carefully.

[smogfromkortalmombat1]

MK1 Lin Kuei headcannons (Cute childhood edition)

Bi-Han

As a child, he was a big fiction reader. Sci-fi, mystery, there was nothing he didn't read. Non-fiction he saved purely for his studies- it bored him completely any other time.

He wasn't one for animal companionship, but he did have an exception as a child - the Lin Kuei temples had quite a few stray cats. He got quite attached to them, feeding and caring for them frequently. In return, he got lots of impromptu snuggles from them during meditation sessions.

A favourite past-time hobby of his was carving from wood. He could spend hours at his desk working away on a project. Statues of dragons and mythical creatures from the books he read all sit on a shelf in his room, handmade by him. He treasures them all dearly.

Though not a favourite hobby of his, he did take up knitting at one point, after watching his mother. He was never good at it, but he did enjoy it. He kept stacks of random wool in his room because of this.

Speaking of his mother, Bi-Han was a complete mama's boy as a child. His mother was his go-to for all things advice. He loved her dearly.

Kuai Liang

He loved cooking as a kid- mostly the eating part, but he enjoyed the satisfaction of making his own dish, just how he wanted it. He was, and still is, a massive fan of spicy food. If he can still feel his tongue, it isn't spicy enough.

He had a fascination with wildlife growing up- especially inverts like scorpions and tarantulas. He kept many in his room as a hobby over the years. As a child, he could spew fact upon fact about each creature like a crazy man, going on for literal hours if you let him.

His favourite animal he ever kept was an Emperor scorpion. He let Tomas name him, which resulted in the abomination that is Sprinkles Jr. Despite her awful name, Kuai loved and cared for her well.

Had very little patience for a lot of things as a kid compared to his adult self. He always had to be on the move, doing something he deemed fun or exciting, rather than things that were demanded of him- for example, studying or meditating. He tried, of course, but he struggled with it for the longest time until eventually he cooled down with age.

Total daddy's boy. Absolutely adored his father growing up, and strongly idolised him. He still does as an adult.

Tomas

His native tongue is Czech, but as a child he knew bits of Russian and German. He also knew bits and pieces of English, though not nearly as well. He joined the family not knowing Chinese at all, and had to be taught. Luckily, he picked it up fairly quickly.

His favourite animal as a child were foxes. He also adored big, goofy dogs- the fluffier the better.

Most of his childhood clothes (before his grey clothing choice was finalised) were hand-me-downs from his older brothers. This meant, for a long while, Tomas wandered around in a weird dual mix of old, faded blues and yellows.

The first trick he ever learnt with his smoke magic was how to levitate, though it was an accident and out of his control, for the most part. He used to freak both Kuai Liang and Bi-Han out by randomly floating upwards sometimes, or, even worse, randomly falling out of the sky, leading to one of them having to run and catch him.

He was a mama's boy as a kid, with both his blood mother and adoptive mother. He loves them both dearly.

Thank you for reading have a gif:

[tsams-and-co-memes]

TSAMS Sunrise Canon Info

Updated - 11/10/24

Sun's likes:

Cats (he owns two)

Dressing up his cats

TF2

Listening to/watching documentaries while he cleans

Red Dead Redemption and Baldur's Gate 3

Cult of the Lamb

Yellow (his favorite color)

Snapple (his favorite drink)

Hamburgers (his favorite food)

Spiderman

Fallout

Electric eels

Retro gaming

Old-timey, black and white cartoons (with Popeye possibly being one of his favorites)

Sun's dislikes:

Squids

Insects

Balloon Boy

Hot water

Sea water

Taylor Swift

Garden gnomes

Sports

Salads

Kids (this was implied) <- (he might've made this implication jokingly, but he did end up saying that he does have a soft spot for them)

Eclipse

The creator

Bloodmoon

Roxanne

Minesweeper

Miscellaneous:

Soda/pop

Pumpkins/pumpkin carving/pumpkin guts

Sun tends to get very competitive with gaming

He’s watched the entirety of Dragon Ball Z

He has an obsession with cleaning and stacking the toy barrels/tumble barrels in the daycare. If they’re not adequately cleaned or stacked in a very specific way, he gets upset

He’s bought stilettos and tried on a dress before, while saying that he’s a pretty princess

He used to have a crush on Roxanne

He’s not good at dancing and really only moves the upper half of his body

Sun is pansexual (check for sources). He's not bisexual, so him being pan is slightly more likely (retconned. Sun is more than likely straight, at this point)

Sun has a car and knows how to drive

He isn’t very good at acting

He has a habit of cheating when playing competitive games

It’s been implied numerous times that Sun occasionally enjoys cross dressing

Old Moon has made a statement before, suggesting that Sun has kleptomania

Sun can read bar codes

He apparently knows the history of gravel and can talk about it for hours

He was programmed to know how to drive

His rays are made of plastic

He plays D&D and his character is a warlock

Sun grooms his rays like they’re his hair, and he uses ray polish to do so

Sun knows the history of Windex

Sun knows how to play Yu-Gi-Oh

Cleaning is one of the things that calms him and helps him focus

Sun panics sometimes when he's not doing anything, because he feels like he's not doing enough. Apparently this was triggered by Eclipse's return

Sun can't calm Moon down whenever Moon gets seriously upset, and Sun finds that "kinda scary" (<- exact wording from the therapy video). This means that on some level, Sun is afraid of Moon's anger, and of Moon acting irrationally when he's upset

Sun is the only janitor in the daycare

Sun's had a bird fly in his face before, and according to him, it's more annoying than scary

Sun's not good at bowling

He's eaten glitter glue at one point as a coping mechanism. He may or may not have also eaten sparkles

Sun knows how to grind coffee beans

He turned his basement into a cat den, and his cats have their own TV

Sun drinks (we don't know how often)

If he could be an animal, Sun would be a stingray

Sun doesn't clean the bottom of the ballpit

Sun received an offer to replace Glamrock Freddy as the face of the pizzaplex, but he refused. A lot of the refusal stems from him not wanting to be on a stage in front of so many people

Sun's never watched any classic Disney princess movies that occurred before Beauty and the Beast and Mulan. This would include ones like Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, and Cinderella, although he's had Cinderella play passively in the background before (knowing Earth though, she'll probably make him watch all the original princess movies eventually)

Sun goes through a lot of existential crises

Sun is very good at finding kids who wander from the group whenever he takes everyone somewhere outside the daycare

Sun knows how to set broken bones

Sun has a fear of heights

Sun buys animal shaped soaps

Sun puts down a lot of sticky notes in different places

In the earlier days of the daycare, Sun once tried to play hide and seek with a blind kid. It did not end well

Sun's watched Death Note 4 times through

Sun has a crush on Yor from Spy x Family (his type seems to be people that could beat him up, but this could change)

[theoceansluvr]

Tim Drake x Cozy! Reader

warning; none ! author's notes; my favorite boy's birthday which means a work for him ! sorry for writing so many headcanons y'all, i have a lot to blabber about 😞 also idk if the title makes sense but i have was going for a very.. homebody, smells like coffee/hot chocolate, big sweaters coded reader if that makes any sense !

oh how he loves you...

he never gets a chance to relax because Gotham never rests

but with you it's so easy

he could come back from the worst fight in the world and be greeted with hazelnut creamer filled coffee and the sight of string lights everywhere

it might not be a lot, but it's everything to him.

reading dates are a very common thing !

you'll drag him to the local used bookstore any chance you get

it's usually followed up with a trip to the bakery or record shop too

super into crime books

(to nobody's surprise im sure)

he has a whole bookshelf dedicated to forensic books, even though he knows pretty much everything.

he likes to be sure, y'know ?

you guys have plants that are all names and their birthdays are on a calendar on the fridge

the oldest is named Robert ans he's a dragon's breath you two bought when you first moved in together

the name was merely based on you thinking it was funny to give a plant a people name..(me too)

steals your sweaters all the time and claims he doesn't know what happened to them

but you always catch him up in the middle of the night wearing them while he's doing his detective stuff

random but candle shopping is a MAJORRRRR part of y'all's budget planning..

i mean sure, overhead lighting can be nice, but candles just have a better feel !

which is exactly what you say to Tim every time

he groans and mumbles a soft "Whatever you want, rose.." and it's off to Bath and Body works or the local candle shop !

BAKING TOGETHER !!!!

i will give any excuse to talk about Tim and his baked goods, so you two bake together a ton !

not specifically from scratch, but it's usually better when it is.

"All that matters is it was made with love." is the common statement he uses when he burns something..

which is probably a common occurrence if im being completely honest

slow dancing to records might i add

not much to add about this, but something about him being a Wayne tells me he probably had to learn to slow dance for whatever reason

he'll gladly teach you if you don't know how :))

you guys are usually cuddled up drinking coffee/tea/hot chocolate(pick your preference loves !)

the Gotham rain adds to the ambience of it all

having someone as lad back as you are definitely helps with his whole "gotta prove my wort" mentality as well

if you ever got pets i think you'd have rabbits or maybe a ferret

not cats, don't ask me why i just have a weird headcanon about him being allergic.. so sorry to all my cat allergy havers

completely and utterly in love with the fact you're not out a lot because he likes knowing your safe at home !

playing stardew or animal crossing together to cool off ?

absolutely !

you have a shared island and farm bc he refuses to let you marry any of the characters(SAM I LOVE YOU !!!)

I COULD WRITE SOSOSOSOSOSO MUCH ABOUT HIM WITH A CALM, COZY PARTNER !!! but i want to get this done before the 20th so :((( but happy birthday again to my boyfriend in another universe 😞

[writelikethrollope]

✨ writeblr intro ✨

It's been two minutes since I last did something like this, but here we go I guess. Hi! Welcome!

Personal Stuff

I'm Blue (but you can call me Gwen, if you prefer a "real" name). I'm 31 and your most normalest 9-5 office worker. I learned to read and write at 5 and, since then, never stopped doing either. Which is normal, I think. In middle school I used to write a lot of fanfiction, in high school started with personal stories that I never finished but kept alive throughout university. Eventually, I started working and my job fries my brain and I lost the habit. But if I don't write, the thoughts will inevitably remain trapped in my brain and rot there, which is not good. So, here I am.

Writing Stuff

In the past I used to write a lot of fantasy, some fanfictions (mostly about Fallout and Pillars of Eternity) and romance (I don't like to read it, but I like to write about people holding hands which I've always found weird). I've also tried my hand at writing fairy tales and children's stories - which is something that I actually enjoy a lot doing! But I currently have no idea what I'll be writing next. Exciting! :D

Media I like

The Mummy (1999), Pride and Prejudice (2005), Gravity Falls, Hazbin Hotel, Mass Effect, Stardew Valley, Scarlet Hollow, Portal & Portal 2, A Boy and His Dog, The Lord of the Rings, Stardust, Coraline, Jane Austen is probably my favourite author.

Other Stuff (in handy bullet points)

Blue is my favourite colour!

I love cross stitching and knitting

My native language is Italian

I enjoy gardening on my super small balcony (the basil is thriving though)

I like parenthesis (if you didn't notice)

Dragon enthusiast, but since they don't exist I choose cats as my favourite animal

Feel free to interact and message/comment under posts! :) I'd love to find people to discuss the whole ordeal of writing with (and I gladly listen to OCs rambles!).

[a-libra-writes]

OKAY random jon snow and robb stark brainrot but yk how cats become way more cuddly and affectionate with pregnant women? like nuzzling against them, being more alert, snuggling more, and staying close to you? what if ghost and greywind were the same? they're much more protective of you and it's a common behavior in direwolves so as soon as ghost/greywind start growling at jon/robb you guys immediately know 😭 i can just imagine waking up with their little heads resting on your belly or staying much closer to you than usual. and maybe the same with dany's dragons? obviously they're not gonna be like all over you but i can imagine them being a bit more protective and caring than usual!! thanks in advance and love ur works

Anon ur so right also this was fun and cute to do <3<3 (also kind of an AU where Jon stayed behind to be a sworn man to Robb!)

So between the two direwolves, Greywind is the more outwardly protective and aggressive. It's like he sensed something was off from the start - if you weren't aware you were pregnant, you'd be confused in Greywind's sudden interest in you. He'd sit at the doorway and linger while you went about your business, and would side-eye anyone he didn't like getting too close. You and Robb found it odd, by amusing. It all made sense once you figured out your condition.

While you found your fluffy guard dog to be sweet, it was mildly terrifying to some of the servants ... even the ones who had been at Winterfell at their lives were anxious to see a massive wolf wandering the halls like some little Southern dog. You try sending him out during the day, but in the evening, it's being at your side or bust. He will howl and make a fuss, something Greywind normally only did if he was locked away from Robb. He wants to be right at the bedside or on top of the bed, which again is something Greywind has never done, even with Robb. Greywind has never been the most affectionate of the direwolves (that was Lady), but he'd actually rest his huge muzzle on your legs and accept a few pets. Usually, Robb and Jon were the only ones who could touch him.

Your husband is torn between finding it funny and being baffled. He teases about it often. "What have you been feeding him behind my back? I bet she's given you the butcher's scraps, hm? What's gotten into you, boy?"

(Your handmaidens aren't pleased because if they enter the room while you're still asleep, there's a huge direwolf perking his head up and growling at them. You've never been able to train him out of that ...)

If he really must stay out of the bedroom, then he lurks right outside the door. As much as Robb knows it unsettles the servants and night guards, Greywind standing guard makes him feel better about your safety. He tries to keep the direwolf occupied during the day so the servants don't have to worry so much.

When you're outside, regardless if it's a short walk to the Godswood or heading to Winter Town, Greywind follows you instead. The further along in your pregnancy you get and the slower you walk, the more he stays at your side, like he always did with Robb. There are many people who worry about essentially a wild animal being so close to Lady Stark - and what'll happen when the baby's born? - but you see nothing but protectiveness in Greywind's big eyes. He's always alert and wary around you; sometimes you and Robb worry about him never getting a chance to relax.

Now, if you were with Jon, it was Ghost who would be your little shadow. Which was interesting - he was the most independent of the direwolves, often leaving for days at a time to do his own thing. He began to linger closer to Winterfell, and when you'd go outside, you'd see him several feet away from you, following along. By the time you're a few months along, he was walking right at your side. He never went inside the Keep, so when you went inside Ghost would stay in the yard, acting like ... well, a ghost, waiting for you to come back out.

It gave Jon a lot of comfort to know you had a shadow. He couldn't always be by your side because of his duties, especially if Robb traveled, and he was relieved to know Ghost was suddenly so attached and keeping you safe. The direwolf had always been fond of his wife, but in a distant way - maybe once in a while you could stoke his neck or he'd follow you for an hour out of curiosity ... but that was all. Now he was lingering, pressing his nose at your abdomen and huffing, allowing plenty of head pats and ear scratches. Jon is very endeared by it all. He'd sit right at your side, close as possible, and laugh as Ghost huffs and tries to press between you two. White fur absolutely everywhere.

The direwolves being so close and oddly affectionate means you can get away with a lot more - like, say ... sitting them down and letting you brush them, teaching them to sit or lay down, putting food on their nose and having them wait for the signal to eat it. Robb is aghast that Greywind is actually being obedient (until he gets tired of it), Jon just laughs and doesn't expect Ghost to stick to it. He assumes once you have the baby, his direwolf will go back to his adventurous, aloof self. In the back of his head, Robb is a little worried Greywind will get possessive once the baby is born. He plans to bring Greywind with him on his travels, in case he gets too overly protective of you and the child.

[siphoklansan]

Introducing…. 𓆝 ⋆.𖦹°‧

꧁𝐒𝐮𝐜𝐡𝗼𝐥����𝐭𝐞𝐞 𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐩𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐥𝐚𝐥𝐚𝐢꧂

สุชลที ทิพย์ชลาลัย

“He claims that his father is a king.”

Height : 167 cm.

Birthday : 15th of November (Loy Kratong)

Age : 18

Homeland : East of Scalding Sands (Attidaya)

Best Subject : Practical Magic

Club : Equestrian club

Talents : Horseback riding, swimming.

Hobby : Taking care of his pet *jet dragon horse (Nhil - ม้านิลมังกร)

Dislikes : Nagas, sea snakes

Favorite Food : Tom Yum Khung (ต้มยำกุ้ง)

Least Favorite Food : Traditional medicine, bitter herbs.

꧁𝐔𝐧𝐢𝐪𝐮𝐞 𝐌𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐜꧂

- 𝐕𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐚𝐥 𝗼𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐒𝐞𝐚: the ability to summon an extinct, magic creature of the sea: the Jet Dragon Horse. Suchol can command the horse at will whether to attack or to use it as a means of transportation, both on land and sea.

- Suchol can breathe underwater.

꧁𝐅𝐮𝐧 𝐅𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐬 𝐚𝐛𝗼𝐮𝐭 𝐒𝐮𝐜𝐡𝗼𝐥꧂

- Suchol’s first name “Sucholatee” means beautiful sea and his last name “Thipchalalai” means the angel’s ocean✨

- Suchol is based off of another famous literature piece (famous as in it has been in plays for countless of times- like Romeo and Juliet💀) called Phra Apai Manee (พระอภัยมณี) and he’s based on a character named Sudsakorn! The story is a bout Sudsakon, a half mer half human boy, goes on a journey to find his father.

- Spoiler alert: tbh his father is lowley a piece of shit based on what I remember😭 He has a lot of wives (at that time having many wives is a power status, and he’s a king) and he fell in love with a mermaid who is Sudsakorn’s mother. THEN HE LEAVES SO THAT’S WHY SUDSAKORN GREW UP TO LOOK FOR HIM. The dad’s also the protagonist of the story (his name is on the title) but I’m purely writing this out of memory because so many things happened in the story and I have to go reread it again. The dad left for some “duties” but got a new wife along the journey like bruh🗿

- Back to Suchol though, his horse Nhil (or should I say his unique magic👀) is based off of the horse dragon in the literature piece! The horse dragon is a wild animal, and its strength even rivals yakshas. But Sudsakorn decided that no☝️you are my friend and I will treat you like you’re some stray cat on the street☝️ and that’s how Sudsakorn got his mount HSJDJUJSUJDU

- To elaborate further on his Unique magic, it’s kind of like Kalim’s magic carpet. The magic carpet is a replica of the original one, and Suchol’s horse dragon ability is a replica of the extinct animal🫶✨

꧁𝐀𝐛𝗼𝐮𝐭 𝐒𝐮𝐜𝐡𝗼𝐥꧂

- Sucholatee Thipchalalai or Suchol for short, is an aspiring and dutiful young half-mer of Royal sword Academy- sorry that was a lie, he’s actually a trouble maker. Don’t let his pretty face fool you!

- Oh, he’d stir up trouble and pranks everywhere. Like dude, how’d you get here in this academy of all places?? You sure you’re not from NRC? You didn’t snuck in here did you?

- Aside from his infamous tricks and such at the academy, he’s quite a sweetheart to his family; his single mother who is a mermaid, and his surrogate father who is an old man next door.

- Growing up on an island with fairytales and stories being told to him constantly, he grew up to believe it is all true. That is to say, he’s the type to believe that Santa Claus is real (and he still does please don’t break the news to him🙏)

- Suchol was a young prodigy due to the mysterious ways his surrogate father taught him magic. It ranges from animal linguistics to ancient magic! That said, he doesn’t find a need to study and still gets good grades. Lucky bastard🙄 /lh

- The general rule of hanging out with Suchol is to NEVER mention Charin. Ever. Not because he hates the yaksha, it’s more like Suchol sees him as his idol. Charin was the older brother Suchol never had. The red eye shadow he wears is proof that he wants to grow up to be just like Charin!

- Suchol is the type of guy who says the most mind boggling, crazy, unbelievable thing ever but it turns out to be true.

- “My dad is a king from a far away land!” Yeah sure buddy 🤥 (it’s actually true)

- But hey, being a bad boy and a trickster aside, having a friend like Suchol is like a breath of fresh air. He’ll drag you to fun fairs and games, making sure you having the time of your life is his priority.

- One of his best qualities (maybe the only one /j im kidding) is honesty. Suchol finds it difficult to lie. While he wouldn’t be blunt about it (*cough* Mathura *cough*), he still makes sure to be honest without hurting anyone’s feelings.

- So what do you say? You don’t wanna miss out on one of the best rides of your life, right? Suchol can’t wait to show off his new friend his legendary horse!

*jet in this case refers to the gemstone

*picture of the dragon horse since I’m too lazy to draw it (the horse has shining black scales that looks like the jet gemstone)

“PS. Invite Charin if you can!” <- his words not mine.

[a-twistedheartslonging]

I know this seems like a weird question, but for the guys that are centaurs or driders or other creatures with a specific animal lower half, how does the reproductive system work? Since the human upper half stereotypically cuts off at about just below the stomach, physically it should function closer to the animal counterparts. But your posts give the impression that crossbreeding with humans is possible which would mean that the genitalia couldn’t be so adherent to animal counterparts that actually performing the act is impossible. I’m just very interested in the biology of this.

Not, weird at all, when you're a monster lover like me it's something you'll definitely think about when it comes to creature boys.

So, for a lot of them, their junk is similar to their animal counterparts but not exactly the same. Think bad dragon dildo's.

I talked about Sliver being a horse beasty but instead of making him a centaur, he has more of a sayter thing going on but with horse instead of a goat. Junk wise I would say it's similar to a horse but not exactly size-wise since that shit can rupture your organs. Why? it's more convenient like this. Not to say there aren't centaurs in this au, I just like things to not be too complicated since I'm lazy and not all that creative.

Cats and big cat predators have very painful bards that induce ovulation and keep you stuck for a while. The painful part is no fun, so I decide they have small nubs that do the same thing without tearing up your insides.

Knots only work if you have the right junk to go with it for sex, so they interlock properly but that's no fun for a human with a beast, so I decided that the knot works regardless.

Snakes have hook dick that, again, would be painful for a human so Jamil got that cool bad dragon snake dick with a slightly hooked tip going on.

All those reptiles, mers, birbs, and spooders that lay eggs? Well, it's only the female that lays them, but I like oviposition I decided all of those guys can and will egg you up. (With your consent of course.)

Image of spider below.

I figured for drider Idia the plates below where a dick would be could shift around when arousing and a cool weird inhuman dick comes out, but actually for male spiders one of those small legs that's in the front is basically his dick but not quite, their body makes the sperm and then transfers it into the specific appendage. It's called a pedipap.

Not sure which to go with since the latter could be awkward since you're being fucking with a smaller than the other legs but not quite a small spider leg, but then again with Azul you would be getting screwed by one of his tentacle arms since one is his dick so it's not too weird when compared to the others and would make it easy to hold you while that arm/leg goes to town on you.

If you guys have your own ideas or headcanons of how some of it would work, please share, the reproduction process of creature's is very interesting to me regardless of kinky reasons.

[mylittlesecrethaven]

Facts About the TWST Boys You Might Not Know: Diasomnia

Welp.

It's the last post for this series.

So let's go I guess.

Malleus:

I'm sure we all know this, but Malleus has a sweet little Tamagotchi pet names Roaring Draco. (In Japanese, it's Gao-Gao Dragon-kun, which is just adorable)

Whenever he appears or disappears, firefly-like lights appear.

Poor guy needs special pillows cause of his horns.

His first time being called for a housewarden meeting was in the first chapter of the Fairy Gala Event. (this is just sad now)

Malleus is so freaking strong that it'd be easier for him to break a large rock with his hands than crack an egg without making a mess.

His first time in a car was during the Scalding Sands event.

Also during that event, he mentions his parents. (and the wiki doesn't say why this is there, but I'm pretty sure it's cause he doesn't talk about them much.)

Lilia:

He's a terrible fucking cook. (basically twst's Solomon)

Lilia's portrait is actually in a textbook in NRC.

He's good with instruments.

Lilia says he's so good at singing lullabies that children go to sleep in a fraction of a second after hearing them. (Idk if that's cause he's really that good of a singer or if he's using magic.)

I'm sure this is well known, but his bangs were burned once by Malleus breathing fire.

Lilia likes the taste of potions deemed rotten tasting by others. (maybe that's why he thinks he's a good cook)

He says he knew Sam's great great great grandfather.

He doesn't just dye his hair pink, he sometimes does other colors.

He cuts his own hair.

He likes sweets.

And I didn't want to type this out cause it's funny the way it is "Sometimes, Lilia randomly picks his nose even when he's in public."

Silver:

He's the only named student to not have a last name.

He, Azul, and Cater are all 5'7". (??? why is that just in the wiki?)

According to Ruggie, he and Kalim are "mad-free" people. (???)

Small animals are attracted to him. (probably well known, but whatever)

He thinks MC/Yuu has a talent for the sword. (??? What is with Silver's wiki? I'm so confused)

What is this wiki holy fuck. "According to Lilia, he and Sebek used to be scaredy cats, due to that Lilia had quite a bit of laundry to do after Halloween." (??? (a few weeks later: ohhhhhh. I get it now)

He got his name from his hair color, says Lilia.

And either he or Lilia cuts his hair.

Sebek:

He's really good with objective classes, but struggles with subjective classes.

He likes reading.

He was a late bloomer with his magic. (I wonder if that's a sore spot for him.)

He likes warmer and more humid places. (crocodile)

Horses get scared of him for some reason. (crocodile, also, how's he able to do anything in his club then?)

Pfft- "According to Grim, whenever Malleus is brought up he gets really exhausting."

He's jealous of Kalim and Jamil's relationship (as Jamil being Kalim's "servant," as he says) and is also jealous that they've known each other since birth.

He's usually in charge of heavy lifting in Diasomnia.

He can lift 8 chairs at once with ease.

Holy fucking shit Sebek's is so freaking funny "He has a portrait of Malleus in his room, which he greets every single time he leaves or comes back." (I fucking can't..... I'm laughing so hard making this post)

Sebek's really close to his grandfather.

Ok, so Diasomnia's wiki was really confusing and really funny.

And you can also tell they get a lot of love like Heartslabyul.

But every other dorm doesn't get shit.

So.... maybe I'll do the side characters?

Idk.

(FUCK IT I'M DOING THE SIDE CHARACTERS)

[danthepest]

Videl's inclusion and integration into the Dragon Team is such a missed opportunity for fun interpersonal dynamics and interactions, what with Toriyama seemingly unable to decide where he wanted the story to go until Boo and Majin Vegeta basically derailed the entire thing.

One moment I keep imagining and can't get out of my head is everyone telling her stories of their adventures, how they met, how they were all kind of awful people when they were young and so on. Yet everyone has more than one moment where they displayed immense courage, loyalty, friendship, honor, selflessness etc.

But then they get to Vegeta. Everyone's kind of used to him now but once they try to think of any positives for the guy, they stop dead in their tracks. Pretend Boo and Majin Vegeta don't happen in this scenario yet. Or at all. Whatever floats your boat.

So they try to downplay how much of a scumbag he was or how he never really earned his place with the group or worked off his bad karma like the others did.

So they try to spin a "he helped when needed" tale more for Bulma's sake than anyone else's.

Piccolo ends up being the only one who tells her like it is and forces Gohan and Krilling to tell her the whole truth regarding Vegeta and what he was/is like.

So the three of them tell her everything. All the horrible stuff he did even when fighting on their side. Videl looks horrified at Bulma and Gohan, asking her how she could boink him and how Gohan can tolerate him after what he put him through.

"Eh, he's alright." he says.

Videl goes home and lays awake in bed in a state of a semi mental breakdown and existential crisis, wondering just what kind of insane group of people she's dealing with.

Bandits, would-be assassins, space pirates, alien demons, shapeshifting animals, fearsome castle lords, cyborgs made by a cooky old geezer from a long gone terrorist army, CEO of Capsule Corp who at 16 shot a 12 your old monkey boy in the head with a pistol with no hesitation, bizarre cat deities that live with lazy fat ronin and perverted martial arts hermits who taught math to his students as part of their training.

On top of learning that there was a literal space Hitler zipping around the galaxy, wiping out entire solar systems and was this close to wiping out Earth if not for a time traveling half alien, half human hybrid.

It's a lot to process and she can't even talk to her dad about it because he's still in denial over what he saw in the old tournaments and during the Cell Games.

Then she learns that the Tournament Announcer is a bit in-the-know and goes to him for information only to find that all he knows is what he witnessed at the tournaments and his knowledge of old martial artists. Then he gives her a history lesson on martial artists like King Chappa, Namu, Giran, Bacterian, the Wolf Man and so on. He helps her deal with all the weird and bizarre shit of the world that she was frighteningly ignorant of.

But will forever have a hard time feeling safe with Vegeta around

[jq37]

Seeing you describe your opinion on Wish (the movie itself) as "def do have oh boy" just has me curious now. What is it?

OK, so I let this sit in my inbox for a while because I planned to see Wish and I figured that it would be more fair to wait until I had a full picture of what the movie was before I started talking about it and...yeahhhhhhh having seen it my opinion has not changed. It's just intensified. 

MAJOR SPOILERS BELOW (lol, this got past 7k words)

And, fair warning, it's pretty critical so if you don't want to read something critical about this movie then this is your exit.

tl;dr: I think the movie Wish fails at basically everything it sets out to do and it's an absolutely awful 100th Anniversary movie for Disney. 

When I say it fails at everything, I mean EVERYTHING*. I'm going to break this into sections for organizational purposes. 

*The one thing I'll give it a slight pass on is the art style which I don't love but also wasn't like make or break for me. I would have preferred true 2D or a better implementation of the blended 2D/3D style, but if the movie was otherwise of the quality of something like Spiderverse or Puss in Boots, the animation wouldn't have bothered me. Like, I watched S1 of The Dragon Prince with no problem. I can forgive janky animation--and it wasn't even super janky. Just odd. What I can't forgive is literally everything else about the movie. 

Characters

How is this movie so full of characters and yet devoid of characters that matter? There are a million characters in this movie and basically only two of them matter: The King and Asha. But neither of them are compelling in any meaningful way.

There's a lot of to do about the last batch of Disney protags being very same-y in a quirky, all fluff and no substance way and I don't really buy into that. I don't think that Raps, Anna, Moana, and Mirabel are palate swapped carbon copies of each other. They have unique backgrounds and struggles and motivations. I feel like they're all quirky, sure. But they all also have an identity BEYOND being quirky. 

I do NOT get that with Asha. I don't feel like I have a good idea of what makes her tick at all. Like, she's kind. She wants her grandpa to get his wish. She wants to be the King's apprentice so she can help people. The queen (we'll get to her) exposits to us that she cares about people. But being kind isn't in itself an entire personality. The way Mulan is kind (defying the law to spare her father the ravages of war in his old age) isn't the same way as the way Cinderella is kind (making clothes for her mouse friends and protecting them from the cat). Asha just has a generalized want to help people, which is an admirable trait, but doesn't give us much to latch onto. It's so telling to me that in a movie called "Wish" our main character's wish is just, "To have more than just this" And yes, Disney princesses wanting "more" is literally their whole thing, but it's always more specific than that. Mirabel wants to prove herself to her family. Rapunzel wants to experience life beyond her tower. Even Snow White--the Disney princess with the flimsiest story--wants to find her true love. That's a concrete motivation! Asha doesn't feel real to me as a character. It feels like the thing that drives her is that the plot needs to happen and that's it. 

The other important character in the movie is King Magnifico who was supposed to be a return to form for Disney in introducing another classic villain but he just fails at that so hard. The idea that he could stand toe to toe with any of the OGs like Lady Tremaine or Scar or even the latest villains like Dr. Facillier or Mother Gothel is laughable. He just doesn't have any gravitas. And his characterization is so odd. You can tell that they were trying to give him a "reasonable man doing unreasonable things for a good reason” backstory (both because of some images in the film and some stuff in interviews I read) but then they just...don't actually give the backstory? Like, they imply that the backstory exists but I don't remember them going into it at all. Which like, he doesn't NEED a tragic backstory. He can just be doing what he's doing because he's evil. Ursula didn't need a reason to want to rule the seas. She's just a boss bitch and she wants power. I don't need to dissect that any further. BUT if you tell me there’s a reason your villain is doing something, I need to see that reason. I don't understand why they would include that in the movie, just to do nothing with it. 

Beyond that, he's written in such a weird way. Like, despite the "maybe he has a point" angle they seem to want to go with, he's very obviously a self-absorbed ruler--like he'll say things like, "Yeah, I am super handsome" to his wife--which immediately dumps him into the camp villain category. But he's doing the controlling things he does in the movie of his own accord to get people to stick to the status quo he set up. Fine. That's a fine thing for a camp villain to be doing. But then, at a certain point in the movie, he just uses a forbidden magic evil book (which he has for some reason) that just fills him with evil, green magic and makes him 100% unhinged all of a sudden. And that's just...boring? Like, anything interesting you might have been able to do before that point about power and control and how sometimes you make a wrong choice with good intentions is just gone at that point. It sucks because there were a lot of right answers here. You could just make him evil because he's evil. That works. You could have him be seriously convinced that what he's doing is right and be willing to do whatever he needs to do to keep things that way. That works. You could say that he started out trying to be morally upright and then slid into enjoying the praise and control just a bit too much--and I think maybe that's what they were going for. But it does not come across that way. He just seems like a dick to the point where you're kinda questioning how he's pulling any of this off. Asha asks him one question and he flies off the handle. How does everyone not know he's an asshole if it takes so little to fluster him?

So I don't like our main hero or villain. But there are still SO MANY CHARACTERS in this movie. 

You've got Asha's SEVEN FRIENDS. Yes, SEVEN. they're based off of the seven dwarves, which is cute enough but do you know what happens when you give the hero seven sidekick characters? None of them get developed at all and you have to treat them like a unit. Only two of them matter at all--Dahlia (her best friend and the one who actually does more than just make dumb jokes or, worse, nothing at all) and Simon (the one who betrays them--more on that later). There is no story reason for them to have shoved in this many sidekicks. Especially since she also has…

Her animal sidekick, Valentino. Who is a very cute goat until he gets sprinkled with stardust and boom. He can talk. Which immediately made me like him less. Flounder he aint. The whole joke with him is that he's a baby goat with a rich, deep, baritone voice. That's it. Almost every joke he makes is either about that or his butt. Boo. 

Then, there's the Queen--Queen Amaya--who is such a NOTHING character. There's no effort made to build up her relationship with the king so that her flipping on him later has an emotional impact. I have no idea what she cares about or desires. When she shows up, she's basically acting like the king's secretary, which is weird. I don't think that's what a queen does. There's a moment during a later song when she joins the "revolution" and it just has zero impact because again, it's like, I don't know who you are in any significant way! She seems nice, and I would love to live somewhere ruled by someone boring and benign, but that makes for an awful movie character. 

I almost wrote "lastly, there's the star" because I totally forgot about Asha's mom and grandpa. They're in this movie too but even though Asha's whole motivation at the start of the movie is getting her grandpa's wish granted, we never get a good idea of what their relationship is. They have like, one quick scene at the top which tells us nothing, then they're in a crowd scene later, then Asha has dinner with them later the same day and that's it. And, again, we get nothing significant. Compared to something like Mulan where you have a good idea of what Mulan's relationship is with every member of her family by the time the military order comes in or Encanto where between the musical number at the top and the first group scene, you get an entire picture, this is really weak. Again, so weak that I completely forgot that they were even in this movie. 

And NOW lastly, there's the star. Who is like, cute enough but he really makes me annoyed because I've seen the original concepts and they would have been so much more interesting! That's the case for the queen too, so I'll talk about both of them together here. 

I am sorry to inform you if you didn't already know but the queen was originally supposed to be evil too.

She was supposed to be a part of an evil power couple with Magnifico and how dope would that have been? We've never gotten that from Disney before. Imagine! Disney Villain Song Duet! A Hot couples costume for next Halloween! An actual relationship that's developed in this movie! But nope. They unflavor-blasted her into the paper thin, placeholder of a character we have in the movie. 

And the Star went through a couple of concepts. One, was the spirit of her dead grandpa, taking a younger form, which isn't my fave one but it at least would give her a relationship with this person who is supposedly an important person in her life, something we don't have in the movie right now. My favorite alternate concept is that originally, the Star was supposed to be her celestial love interest. And listen, anyone who's followed me for long enough knows that I am a big advocate for platonic relationships and FRONTING platonic relationships. I don't think that a story needs a romantic relationship to be compelling and I think forcing one in almost always makes it worse. But there is NO central relationship in this movie to carry it. Asha has too many friends for any one of them to make a serious impact so it's not a friendship story. Her mom and grandpa are nothing characters, so it's not a family story. She interacts with the star a lot, but that's basically just her talking to herself because the start doesn’t talk. So nothing is really there to latch onto. If they'd decided to go with the romance angle, it would have forced them to focus on at least ONE relationship and it would have been a nice way to throwback to classic Disney movies from the past. Much better than just sticking her with SEVEN WHOLE USELESS FRIENDS. Literally, all they provide is backup vocals in the fight song. Special Dishonorable Mention to Gabo. Man I hate that dude. 

So, to recap this section, Asha's personality is only sketched out in the loosest possible way, King Magnifico is entirely half-baked, and there are so many side characters that no one can form meaningful relationships with each other. And it's really a shame because (1) they very easily could have pared down the cast and (2) very recently Disney put out Encanto which handles a large cast beautifully. There are a ton of Madrigals but I can tell you what the deal of each and every one is. This could have been done well and they fumbled so hard. 

Concept

OK, so next up is the general plot and concept. This story takes place in the city of Rosas which is ruled by King Magnifco. It is supposedly a paradise, but much like a YA dystopian novel, it has a twist: When you turn 18, Magnifico takes your wish away from you and puts in in his wish room with the promise that it might be granted at one of the monthly wish granting ceremonies. Once your wish is taken from you, you are "unburdened" and you're "free" from having to pursue it. You don't even remember what it was. 

There's a kernel of something interesting there. A ruler making his subjects docile, placid zombies that won't challenge him by taking away their ambition? That's interesting. People willingly giving away a part of their heart to dull the pain of trying and failing? Interesting. Someone doing this with no ill intent, but rather genuinely thinking that this half-existence is better than the heartbreak of the alternative? Interesting!

But the actual implementation of this idea? Ughhhhhh. 

So first off, just logistically, Magnifico grants one wish a month more or less (Asha says once a month and in his villain song, he said he granted 14 wishes "last year"). So like, realistically, most of these people have to know their wishes will never be granted, right? Because of like...how math works? Asha acts like it's a big shock when she learns that most wishes won't be granted but like girl...math. 

Secondly, there are two moments that are meant to imply that having your wish taken away turns you into a shell of yourself. Asha's friend (who betrays her) Simon is said to be all sleepy and more boring since he turned 18 and had his wish taken. And then, later in the movie, we see two new residents have their wishes taken, and they look a little disturbed after it happens. But, here's the thing. NO ONE ELSE IN THE MOVIE ACTS LIKE THAT. Asha's mom and grandpa act like normal people. So do all the other characters. It’s not consistent enough to establish that this is what’s on the line. Does taking your wish away make you a robot or not?

And does everyone just have one wish? I know I could fill a full sheet of paper, front and back, with things that matter very dearly to me. If you took away my wish to write for TV someday, that would still leave my wishes to travel the world and get a comic book adaptation of one of my novels and a whole lot of other things! Does taking your main wish away make you lose your ability to form new wishes? Logistically, how does any of this work? And you can't just say, "It's a metaphor. Don't think too hard about it," because there's a scene where the citizens start asking these questions. Like, "What happens if we have a new wish than from when we initially made it?" As if having unnamed side characters ask the questions first will alleviate the need to answer them. It's not lamp shading at that point. You're just being lazy. 

Also, this is more a me thinking about the implications too hard than an actual plot problem but if he's taking the wishes at 18 I feel like a lot of peoples' greatest desire at that stage in their life is, "I want a romantic partner." And if the central conceit of this premise is that once your wish is taken, you stop wanting to pursue it then the city of Rosas is gonna have a population Collapse problem very soon. 

The characters--especially Asha--get so emotional about wishes. It's like they're giving a My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic speech every time they talk about it (except MLP has MUCH better writing). It's bizarre to see Asha's mom get her wish back and be like, "Oh my wish. My precious wish!" when she doesn't act any differently than a normal person before or after she has it back (Sidenote: She says this and she's holding the wish ball but we never see what that wish is and that's maddening. Why do I know what the dream of every patron in the Snuggly Duckling is, but they didn't show that? Ridic.) It almost is like, being in contact with a wish ball is a quasi-religious experience that drives the characters’ actions (Asha and the King are both totally enraptured while singing together in the Wish Room), but because we, the audience, are very much not in contact with the wish balls, we're not getting ANY of that. 

Anyway, to recap this section: the central premise of how wishes work and how taking them affects people is not treated consistently or explained well, which makes the stakes feel very undefined and sloppy. 

Pacing

This has to be its own section, because it's the thing that baffled me most when I watched this movie. So, here's the setup. Asha is going to interview for the internship with the king. She wants to help people and she has the secondary motive of wanting to try and get her 100-year-old grandpa's wish granted because he's not getting any younger. 

Here is the entire sequence: Asha is led into the interview by Queen Amaya. Asha is awkward but makes a good enough first impression that Magnifico is moved to show her the wish room (for some reason). They sing a duet about the wishes where they’re both dazzled by the Wish balls. During the song, Asha finds her Grandpa's wish and after the song, she asks him to grant it. He looks at the wish and says while she has good intentions, it's too dangerous to grant--as are most wishes. She asks why not give them back then and he immediately flies off the handle and starts ranting about how HE decides which wishes get granted and what everyone deserves! 

Their first meeting and him showing his true colors happens in the SAME SCENE. It's like 7-10 minutes and they just RUSH through all of that. And it's like, why? Did they really need to get to that dumbass star song (we'll get to that) faster? 

I know that he isn't a twist villain so we don't need to keep the fact that he’s the bad guy under wraps. And, the way the story is structured, she needs to learn what he's doing before she can rebel against him. But it's not gonna be a big, impactful moment if you're rushing from beat to beat like this is an essay that's due in twenty minutes and you started five minutes ago. 

And it really makes you wonder, if Asha can blow the whole lid off this conspiracy within ten minutes of meeting this guy, why is this not happening more often? Between how obviously smarmy the King is, how paltry the wish granting system is, and how easily Asha was able to start asking questions and get him to blow his top (something that happens again later when the citizens start asking question–it literally drives him into his villain song) I don't believe that this wouldn't have happened earlier (Sidenote: Finding out that it HAD happened earlier and that Asha is the latest in a line of failed apprentices who questioned him? More interesting premise). 

So to recap: I have no idea why this movie is paced like this but it's not doing it any favors. 

Humor

Humor is very subjective so you can take this with a huge grain of salt but I think this is a deeply unfunny movie. 

The jokes fall into about three main categories:

(1) Quirky Humor: This is like Asha babbling and tripping over her words. The scene in the trailer where she's like, "Is my face drooping?" is a good example. It's not really a joke but it's clearly an attempt at humor that I don't think meets the mark. It's also in the songs with, for instance, the animals or the King saying slang that doesn't match how they talk or you'd expect them to talk at all and it just feels deeply incongruent, not funny. 

(2) Referential Humor: This is probably what bothered me the most because it was just so so very eye-roll inducing. And listen, I love a good reference. Enchanted is my favorite movie of all time. I don’t begrudge them for putting a few references in their 100th Anniversary movie. But ugh. There is a scene after the king's gone crazy where he's destroying wish bubbles for power and he's like, looking at the wishes and making a quip before he crushes them. And for the second one he goes, "Oh you want a nanny for your kids? Definitely  POPPING this one!" And he might as well have looked at the camera and said, "Get it? Get it?" and it took 6 months off my lifespan. (Sidenote: He he does a direct ref with the first two wish bubbles--Peter Pan and Mary Poppins–and then he just makes a general ref to the concept of true love with the last one and it's like, come on at least rule of threes this if you're gonna do it. Commit to your awful bit!)

(3) Kiddie Humor: This is where things get especially subjective because maybe a little kid would find this stuff really funny and they are a part of the target audience so that's valid. But it doesn't add much substance to the movie. This is like the goat being like, "I found a secret passage with my butt" or leading a chicken choir or singing the line, "So that's where all the balls of gas come from" while sticking his butt in the air--a lot of these have to do with the goat and his butt now that I think about it. 

I think I only laughed at one thing in the movie that was meant to be at least partially funny--when the Queen interrupts the fight song and everyone is like "Oh shit, we're busted!" before she starts singing along. 

So to recap: Sometimes a movie has a weak story but it's super funny and that makes up for it. This is not one of those movies.

Music

This is the one thing I already knew before I watched this movie: The music in this movie is bad. 

Like, fullstop, no qualifications bad. Not bad for a Disney movie. Not bad for this story. Just bad.

I was a little confused by the choice to pick a pop artist instead of someone who specializes in musical theater style music for this project, but a more pop-y musical doesn't automatically mean a worse musical. Sure, maybe it's a weird choice to pay homage to the past 100 years of Disney movies, but it could be good. I love Six the Musical.

But that's the problem. The songs aren't just unfitting. They're not just un-Disney. They're fully BAD. They feel so half-baked and God, I've never been so assaulted by slant rhymes in my life. Like, this bothers me to the point where I have to go through the entire tracklist. I can't just make a blanket statement, I have to show you what I mean:

1) Welcome to Rosas: This whole song sounds like someone listened to “Where you Are” from Moana (the "consider the coconut" song), “Belle” from Beauty and the Beast, and “The Family Madrigal” from Encanto and was like, "I could do that". And then they couldn't. It's not really catchy and it's pretty repetitive. Super forgettable. 

Worst Line: Honestly, this song is too boring to have a worst line. 

2) At All Costs: This is the duet that Asha and Magnifico sing. Before I saw the movie, I thought it was going to be Asha singing about a wish and Magnifico singing to his wife to set up the eventual rift between them but that was before I realized that this movie doesn't believe in relationship building. Some of the movie's worst musical sins are on display here. Turns of phrases that seem like they were written by AI and bizarre syntax. 

Like what does, "You pull me in, like some kind of wind" mean? That's not what wind does. Why would anyone ever say, "Felt this? No, I haven't" instead of "I haven't felt this?" That's so awkward. 

Worst Line: "Leave you here, I don't wanna. I wanna [promise as one does]." My feelings about this line could be a whole other essay, but I've been writing this for 2 hours already so I have to move on. 

3) This Wish: This is the big "I Want" song and it fails on several levels. It fails in comparison to all the songs it’s standing in the shadow of--like the last “I Want” song we got is, I believe, “Waiting on a Miracle” and man! How can you not feel for Mirabel after watching her go through everything she goes through at the start of the movie and it getting topped with her being excluded from the family portrait? You see all the build up (including the implied build up from before the movie started) and you see why it's all bubbled up to the point where she has no choice but to sing about it! With Asha, there isn't a whole lifetime of angst that's bubbling up to make her sing this song. Everything that's happened to her has happened over the hour of like eight hours tops. She meets the king, finds out about the king, realizes the whole system is bad, and then gets into an argument with her family who's drunk the Kool-Aid and doesn't wanna hear what she has to say (which makes no impact on us because we have no idea what their relationship is). That's it. It doesn't feel like the movie has earned the song.

And then with “Waiting for a Miracle” the music itself is plaintive and soaring. Like, I just paused writing to listen to it and I couldn't help but sing along and pour a little of my actual IRL "I Want" energy into it. It's a song that feels very real. “This Wish” isn't any of that. And it's not the actresses' fault! She's pouring her whole heart into it and she consistently does all movie. But the song is just, bland. Like I said, "I want to have more than this" is too weak a hook to hang your whole song on–especially when it’s the song that’s supposed to be the thesis of your whole movie.  

Worst Line: "So I look up at the stars to guide me/And throw caution to every warning sign." That's not a thing people say and also it doesn't mean anything. If anything, it sounds like she's saying that she's being extra cautious at the warning signs! You can't just throw words together haphazardly and expect them to retain their meaning!

4) I'm a Star: This is, imo, the worst song on the whole track. A friend of mine described it as sounding like a song from a preschool science show and that's exactly it, but there's more to it than that. 

First of all, a big part of the reason this song exists is to set up the fact that humans are made of stardust because that's a plot point in the climax. But there didn't need to be a song about that. That would be like if Frozen 2 had a song about how water has memory. But like, OK. If the song was a bop, it wouldn't matter that it was superfluous. Haus of Holbein in Six does NOT need to be there, but I enjoy it! I do NOT enjoy this song however. 

This is something I alluded to earlier, but this soundtrack in general and this song specifically sounds like it's trying to do LMM's schtick but poorly. And I know some people don't like his whole style of music (I personally like it) but love him or hate him, his style without his skill? Awful. The presentation of fun facts in the middle of a fun song makes me think of his "Look it Up" in “Shiny” or "That's true" in “A Winter's Ball”. And there's a part where a turtle (we'll get to the talking animals) sings "See we're all just little nebulae in a nursery/From supernovas now we've grown into our history/We're taking whys right out of mystery, closure/Now we're taking in all the star exposure" And it really sounds like someone doing their best to emulate Lin's flow in things like Mirabel's aside to Mariano in “The Family Madrigal” or any number of songs I could name from Hamilton. But it just falls so flat here. It sounds so preschool and cheesy. And not preschool in a fun way. Backyardigans would never. 

Also, this song is sung by a bunch of talking animals (the Star gives them the ability to talk) and I find them so obnoxious. They say stuff like, "Did we just blow your mind?" with the "boom" sound effect and I hate it. Maybe kids will like them, I dunno. I refuse to get into it further. 

Worst Line: This song completely misuses the word allegory, which I hate, and it rhymes it with "excitatory" which I hate more (and I am saying this as someone who has made peace with the fact that Schwartz rhymes "nasty" with "flabbergasty" in Disenchanted) but there is only one line in this song that can be considered the true worst line because it's my least favorite line in the whole movie. A dumbass, stoner-sounding deer named Bambi (boo) sings, "Ooh, I'm a star! Watch out world, here I are"

They rhyme the word star--not a hard word to rhyme at all--with HERE I ARE. 

I firmly believe someone should go to jail for that. 

5) This is The Thanks I Get?!: This is the much anticipated and extremely disappointing villain song. There's just no gravitas and it's not clever enough to be very fun. It's just kinda bopping along which is eh, kind of fun at best, but like everything else in this movie, doesn't leave an impact. A musical number doesn't have to be obviously sinister like “Be Prepared” or, the holy (unholy?) grail, “Hellfire”, to be impactful. “Mother Knows Best” is bright and filled with false cheer but it still works because we can see the manipulation that Gothel is doing and she spins Raps around in mental circles to keep her docile. This is just an egotistical rant--and not even in a fun, Gaston kind of way! (Sidenote: Gaston is a good example of a villain who is preening and pompous and kind fo campy, but who you see why he’s beloved AND he can be menacing when the scene calls for it). 

Also, it's so full of weird slang that Magnifico doesn't use at any other point in the movie. "Peep the name", "Ungrateful much", "Mmm, are you sure you're not the prob?" It's like he suddenly got possessed by Urban Dictionary. It's bizarre. 

It also comes weirdly late in the movie, which isn't a complaint, just an observation. 

Worst Line: I think "peep the name" is my least fave but, because I already said that, the opening lines of this song are, "I can't help it if mirrors love my face. It's genetics! Yeah, I got these genes from outer space" and that's such a weird thing to say. I got these genes from outer space? He wasn't even there for the star song so what the hell does he mean by that?

6) Knowing What I Know Now: I feel like this is the song that had the most potential. But for all its build, it never builds to anything. It starts and ends so abruptly (which is the case for multiple songs on this list). We don't really get to know any of the characters well except for Asha so them joining the revolution has no impact. The Queen turning on Magnifico really doesn't have much impact. 

(There's a line in this song where a character sings, "I was sweet but now I'm something else" which is so funny because we literally know nothing about her except that she surprises people when she's in a room which, lmao, me too. Fully forgot you were in this movie, girl). 

Worst Line: "The good in him, I've watched it melt". There's technically nothing wrong with this line but I hate it because melting with regard to emotion is never, "Oh, his goodness is melting". It just hits the ear so wrong. You can watch the good in him disappear or fade or vanish. Not melt. Hearts melt. 

There's also a reprise and a credits song but I have talked about the music for too long as is so to sum up, there is not a single song on this list that I will ever purposefully listen to for enjoyment ever again and there are a few lines that I feel calls for someone being forced to go to whatever the musical version of the Hague is to explain themselves. 

MISC

This is just a section for things that annoyed me that didn't fit anywhere else. 

There's a moment where Asha sees Star which is a star that has fallen to earth and is shaped like a star and she's not able to put together than he's a star until she looks up at a ball of yarn that's tangled in the trees and sees that the yarn is shaped like a star...which again, Star is ALSO shaped like a star! Baffling. 

Gabo at one point makes a comment to the effect of, "Wishing on a Star? Grow up Asha, this isn't a fairy tale." And it's like, dude shut up. Your king is a sorcerer. This movie isn't funny enough to pull off that kind of wink to the audience. 

The actual funniest part of the movie is when a talking mouse (not a thing that usually exists in this world) runs onto the Queen's shoulder during a big speech in front of a crowd and not only does no one notice, but she has no stronger reaction than if a messenger was telling her that her dinner was ready. And not in an underreaction for the purposes of a joke way. Like, in a they forgot to write in a reaction for her way. It's so unintentionally hilarious. 

They specifically set this in the real world–off the coast of the Iberan Peninsula–but I didn’t get any of that influence in any significant way here. It could have been any generic island town. Rosas sounds like a Spanish name and “Welcome to Rosas” there is some dancing that looks like traditional Spanish dancing. But on a whole, it feels pretty bland. When I think about studying abroad in Spain, one of the big things I think about are all the moments with food–patatas con bravas, pan con tomatae, paella, and so so much coffee. The only food I remember from this movie are the novelty cookies Dahlia is always baking. Which is wild to me because their last big musical was Encanto and you could feel the cultural influences in every scene and it was seamless. This wouldn’t even bother me if that hadn’t made a point to set it in a specific part of the real world and call it out. 

A lot of the dialogue is super expository in a way that both makes me think the writers think we’re stupid and that they realized at certain points that they forgot to establish things but instead of fixing the script they just shoved in a line. Like, to the first point, there’s a part where Magnifico crushes a wish and it’s very clear that he’s getting a high from it. But instead of letting the moment stand he’s like, “Oh yes. Who knew crushing wishes would feel so good? I must continue to crush wishes so I keep feeling this good feeling,” and it’s like…why did you need to say all of that? Old Power Rangers episodes have their villains monologue less than that!

This movie opens on a storybook–just like Snow White–and it has a voice over of Asha narrating the history of Rosas as the pages flip. Not a bad idea–until you push into the scene and realize she’s telling all of this to…her grandpa? Who is 100 years old and lived through all of this? What? Why not have that scene be a kid flashback and the story is being told to her? Or have her be doing the little kid thing of telling a story to an adult? Either way, that would help establish their relationship which is ostensibly very important to this movie. Or, wild thought, just have her be telling this story to kids! Like Mirabel explaining all the Madrigal gifts in Encanto! Like, if you’re gonna take cues from that movie, at least go all the way so your movie makes sense. 

It’s very unclear how Star’s magic works. It seems like he mostly just gives wildlife the ability to talk. I thought he was just granting wishes but he never does that to any of the humans. And I find it hard to believe that the wish of every animal (and mushroom)  in this movie is just to be able to talk.

Easy Fixes

And all of this is compounded by the fact that this isn’t just any random movie or even any random Disney movie. It’s the *100th ANNIVERSARY*. You only get one of those and this is what they wasted it on. My hopes were really high here! I was expecting a lot of love and care to be put into this one, but it just fell absolutely flat. It feels so rote, so by the numbers, so lacking in care. It feels like the shell of an outline of a movie that relies on the fact that we know what a movie of this sort should be and can fill in the blanks. 

And the worst part? The absolute worst part?

IT WOULD HAVE BEEN A REALLY EASY MOVIE TO FIX. 

Like, I’m serious. If you watch this movie, you will be able to, off the cuff, name tons of things that would have solved problems without breaking a sweat. 

For instance, just cutting her friend group down from seven to two would have helped immensely. If she, Dahlia, and Simon have a Three Musketeers relationship, then when he betrays her to the king, it actually means something now! 

For a bigger but still obvious change, why not have Asha have an existing relationship with Magnifico? So then this story can be about her losing faith in this relationship she’s had for a long time after she’s seen behind the curtain and become jaded over time and not a 7 minute “Don’t Meet Your Heroes” speedrun.

And making it clear what taking a Wish from a person means–and following through with that portrayal all movie–would all be a game changer. Show that Magnifico’s magical wish granting still leaves the people hollow. Show that Asha is a vibrant, bright person amongst a sea of robotic adults. Show me some worldbuilding! 

Also, just hire a musical theater person to do the music. Seriously I can’t believe I have to say this? How is there not a single good song in this movie? There are DCOMs with more bangers than this. Almost every song in High School Musical is a bop. How are you getting outshone by High School Musical?

And these are just changes that preserve the bulk of the story as is. This movie could have been even better if they’d change the direction to go with some of their scrapped ideas!

This is just a movie that absolutely baffles me. I wouldn’t think it would be possible for a movie with this high of a profile to be this bad. You would think that even accidentally they’d have to get SOMETHING right. But they really don’t. I can’t recommend this movie, even for a fun-bad watch. It’s like eating unsalted saltines while you have dry mouth. Just watch a better movie. And here are three movies I think are more in the spirit of Disney’s 100th anniversary than Wish:

(1) The Princess and the Frog does literally everything that this movie is trying to do but better. You’ve got a movie that used a 2D style in the 3D era. You have integration of cultural elements–in this case New Orleans in the 20s. You have a classic princess story with the classic trappings: romance, villain, fairy godmother. You have a rocking villain song. Hell, you even have a wishing star motif! 

(2) Encanto is the latest Disney movie of the modern era to have that classic Disney magic, imo. It sidesteps a lot of the classic Disney tropes–no princess, no serious romance (Delores and Mariano end up together but it’s very much a side thing), no villain beyond generational trauma–but it still feels musical and magical and full of character and life. It shows that you can keep the big emotions that we expect from Disney even with more modern sensibilities. 

(3) Enchanted is my favorite movie of all time so I’m biased, but I still firmly believe that it stands as a better movie in general and tribute to Disney specifically than Wish. THIS is how you do an homage. The whole plot is a loving roast of all the quirks of classic Disney movies, but it’s also a sincere story that stands on its own. It has references to old movies, but they’re integrated very naturally. And it’s funny enough to get away with things like a character mid-musical number being like, “What the hell is happening? Why is everybody singing?” without it feeling like lazy, “Well that just happened” humor. And the music is so good! 

(A quick note on the music btw: Most of the songs in Enchanted are musical theater style songs but there’s one song near the end called “So Close” which is like a pop ballad. And it totally makes sense why they’d depart from the musical theater style in that moment in context but, even if it was jarring and totally unfitting for the movie, it’s still objectively a strong song. Out of context, it would be a great, sad, romantic song. And if the music in Wish was all like that–good but unfitting–this would confuse me less than it does.)

Anyway, I would shell out a LOT of money for a making of documentary for this movie in the style of the Frozen 2 one because as writer and a fan of a lot of Disney’s past stuff, it is completely beyond my comprehension who a team of accomplished people get together to create the 100th Anniversary project with their vast resources and produce this. It just doesn't feel like a movie with any serious care put into it. Which is separate from quality, btw. I don’t like the movie Raya very much but I think it’s obvious a lot of care went into it and I respect this. Wish feels like a movie that was made to fill some kind of contractual obligation and it makes me sad because I really wanted to like it. 

[destinygoldenstar]

I Analyzed The Ninjago Movie Instead Of Sleeping

I have real mixed feelings on this movie. But not for the reasons you might think from a fan of the TV show.

The movie didn’t NEED to be connected to the show. And it clearly wasn’t trying to.

It was meant to be an AU in a way.

(If you look at the behind the scenes one of their original rewrites was a plot of them going back in time to save Lloyd’s dad from becoming the villainous figure he is in the present day.)

So I can forgive the inaccuracy so long as it could stand on its own as a proper story.

It doesn’t do that.

If you DON’T compare it to the show:

You got a movie with SOME good jokes, amazing animation, (SERIOUSLY THIS MOVIE LOOKS BEAUTIFUL AND VISUALS ALONE ARE A CHEFS KISS TO ME) but is so strangely paced that it feels like the movie starts at the middle of the story and never shows the beginning, and feels like a completely different movie halfway through, and is also very choppily edited.

(I even double checked a clip of the movie just to prove my point there: When Lloyd uses all his dragon mech weapons on Garmadon, they play the exact same sound effect and explosion, just with different angles, SIX TIMES. FSM WAS THAT EDITOR HUNG OVER WHEN DOING THEIR JOB THAT DAY?! And that’s just one example I’ve got. I think this was the first time EVER when I was in a movie theater and I distinctly remember asking “What is wrong with the editing here? Who thought this was good editing?? Who thought this was appropriate in any way???” So I thank this movie for giving me such a memory and making me value good editing.)

You also got a world that isn’t very well fleshed out, characters that the movie chooses to not focus on except the main character and the main villain. And you got a movie that tells its audience it’s okay to forgive your parents that neglected you and are active terrorists even if they earned or done absolutely no redemption whatsoever.

I mean Garmadon in this movie BETRAYS them and leaves them to rot so he could terrorize the city again at the end. Then gets eaten by the cat. Then Lloyd forgives him. Idk what more you want me to say.

I’m not gonna act like Crystalized did it any better though. Pick your poison.

But then you got fans of the show. The people who watched the show since kids (that includes me). Who are naturally bias towards the shows lore and characterization…

OOOOOOHHH boy…

I don’t hate EVERY portrayal of the ninja in the movie as much as other people. I actually think there’s some good ideas for an AU version of these characters here. Problem is the movie never does anything with them.

Well, I say I don’t hate every portrayal, the one I truly cannot stand is Zane’s.

There’s just so much wrong with how they portrayed Zane that it just does not work. Not as an adaptation of the character. Not in any way that makes sense for this universe and is actually kinda insulting.

There’s no other robots in this city. (Like there are in the show) Why is Zane the only one and why is he in high school? Why would Wu ever pick a robot to be a ninja?

In the show the reason is pretty simple: Wu didn’t know at the time.

But everyone knows in the movie. What’s movie Wu’s excuse?

There’s also in terms of personality.

Keep in mind later seasons of the show have the same issues, so I’m talking about what it was at the time of the movie.

Zane’s whole robot identity is crucial to his character. The show introduced him as ‘the strange one’. As he couldn’t understand social cues, took things very seriously, didn’t share the same sense of humor as the rest of the team, had a hard time displaying his emotions, and bonded with things the others didn’t and excelled at certain areas like cooking.

He’s a character that connected to a lot of neurodivergent people in the audience who could relate to him. No he’s not intentional autistic rep, but one that definitely mattered to the people that headcannoned him as such.

(Also helps that they introduce other robot characters later that clearly don’t have the same characteristics he does. So really it depends on what you see.)

So the reveal that he was a robot was such a huge deal to not just the plot but to him as he finally got a concrete definition of what he is and who he is. And the show NEVER decides to say “You know, it would be so much better if you were a human!”

“Why can’t you just be normal?!”

That’s part of why I personally can’t stand fics that make Zane human. It just doesn’t feel right to me and misses the point of the character.

While I absolutely did not expect the movie to cover his… really heavy backstory with his inventor/father and how he outlived him, then got his memory and sense of identity wiped by him moments before death, which was meant to be an act of sympathy but would actually harm Zane’s mentality for the entire show…

The movie didn’t need to adapt that. For all we know, movie Zane could have a very happy backstory. And that would be fine. All I wanted was for the identity-seeking aspect of Zane’s character to matter in some way.

It didn’t.

The jokes they use for Zane in this movie are that of “Haha, he’s a robot. Isn’t it so funny that he doesn’t understand humanity very well?”

You know, something that in one episode of the show was portrayed as a BAD THING for people to think that of him! And that those people needed to learn to respect him for who he is!

And that’s the ONLY thing they do with him. Just robot jokes. Very stereotypical robot jokes.

Again, later seasons of the show are guilty of this too. So I will not act like the show is perfect.

For the reasons I listed, these are actually far more offensive and harmful than you think. Especially fans of the show watching the movie. Him being the only robot in this movie world makes me think even more that this actually is autistic coding… and that makes it so much worse.

Zane being a robot being equal to autism is its own discussion. And has its own problems on paper alone. Whether or not this is your headcanon of him, and whether or not you think this is good representation either way is up to your feelings and experiences. (Personally I think it’s better than some live action shows attempting this)

The others don’t even seem to trust or want to be around him that much. The others seem annoyed by him half the time. Like they’re only tolerating him because he’s on their team. Yeah they don’t say that but simple looks and gestures are enough to get that impression. And not once does anyone ever express Zane’s value in their team. That’s the ONE thing that would’ve had me forgive this all.

But there’s my rant. The others?

Jay is mostly fine. I think this personality for the movie is a neat AU concept. Yes show Jay is openly terrified of things and awkward, but if there’s something he wasn’t was SHY.

Movie Jay is a shy and nervous wreck. And you know what? For a high school AU, I think it works. It doesn’t erase Jay’s essence entirely. They at the very least kept the detail of his character that he’s a fast learner.

I appreciate that.

Cole is actually a REALLY interesting concept to me with the AU idea they gave.

On the surface it’s just ‘He’s a DJ and willingly old school’

But if you see the show, this is actually an ODD approach. Because show Cole has a very complicated relationship with music.

In the show, Cole’s parents thrived in singing and dancing. His father specifically was a performer that won several awards with his band ‘The Royal Blacksmiths’. After Cole’s mother passed away, his father proceeded to push his ideals and his passions onto his kid and pressuring him to become another version of him. It got stressful enough that Cole ran away from home and resented music, something that used to be a bond of family for them, and that’s where Wu found him and made him a ninja.

Throughout the show, Cole would open up to music again more, but it’s pretty gradual and a very subtle bit of character development for him throughout the show. He doesn’t need to say “I hate making music” to get the point across. He only starts the music route again whenever it has something to do with making a family member, blood or not, happy.

So movie Cole is interesting to me for that reason. Because at the start, he basically IS a mini Lou. His whole thing is music and it’s heavily reflected on his personality.

To the point where his element in the movie isn’t even animated or portrayed as earth like it’s supposed to, instead it’s… sound waves?

Weird choice. Interesting one though cause maybe that’s just how movie Cole functions.

So it’s “Oh, what if Cole DID follow in his fathers footsteps and DID want to become a musician?”

Very interesting approach for a completely different approach of character development.

But the problem? Just like the others, not utilized.

But I do think this was an interesting AU idea. Is it accurate to the show version of the character? No. But that’s kind of the point I think.

Then there’s the RGB siblings. This is where it gets kinda weird for me.

Thanks to the movie, a lot of my friends mistook Kai and Nya for being twins.

They are not twins in the show. Kai is older.

I don’t think that dents their characters too much in the movie so long as the same points were across. They’re the blood related brother and sister who raised themselves when their parents abandoned them, and climbed out of the ashes to protect each other, and found a new expansion on their family that didn’t have to be blood related to count.

These two, in different ways, are the support of the team and especially Lloyd. They’re usually the lancer characters that Lloyd goes to when he can.

I still say that about Nya even though originally, she was NOT a ninja, but rather was a Samurai with a mech of her own invention that acted as a Tuxedo Mask for the ninja. She didn’t become the water ninja until Season 5.

Which… I know the movie takes heavy inspiration from the first two seasons, the beginning, so for those who haven’t seen the show watching the movie… yikes I feel bad about the lack of a spoiler warning. Same goes for Zane being a robot.

But I think that’s also a factor into Kai, at the former half of this show, (again I’m talking pre-movie with this). He was the first character we were introduced to and we’re following in the show before Lloyd ever showed up. So naturally he’d be the one with the most attention to supporting the Green Ninja. Something that was very vital character development for him individually as well.

He’s the old school one. He’s the cool one. He’s the one who looks out for you even if you don’t want them to. He’s the one that will jump to anything without thinking. He’s also the one with the most value in tradition out of the ninja, as a blacksmith instead of a techie and as a traditional sword fighter rather than a fancy complicated weapon. He doesn’t get involved in tech willingly till he learns Twitter is a thing.

And in the movie, I think they took this characterization and said “Eh, give it to the girl instead.”

So most of show Kai’s character traits are now movie Nya’s. She’s the cool one with the most passion for traditional stories, she’s the one with arguably the most talks with Lloyd to calm him, and she’s pretty loud and brash in personality.

Not saying show Nya is not those things, she is. But the difference in the show was that Nya was HUGE on independence and doing her own thing. Being the only woman and a younger sibling in the main cast is actually a big deal to her. Not wanting to have her destiny be decided by the world or her brother as a damsel in distress or a sacrifice, she took to tech to invent her own ways of helping. Her own character.

Until destiny told her “Actually no, you can’t be the person you want to be. You have to stick to tradition that your mother had and be the water ninja.”

That’s… honestly a very brutally honest message that not a lot of people I see give credit for. Cause yes, expressing yourself and being your own person and being able to make your own fate is amazing… but it’s not always possible.

Sometimes you can’t be the person you want. Sometimes the world just will not let you. That doesn’t mean your identity is worthless, though. If you go with the flow, you can actually find that fate has plans for you that might not suck after all.

Basically a ‘It’s A Wonderful Life’ messaging there.

It’s part of why Nya’s whole thing throughout the show is her starting as a damsel trying to reinvent herself and her stereotype, and ending as a willing sacrifice and death of her whole identity that she doesn’t regret because she’s embraced the flow of life and purpose. Even if she forgets herself in the realm of spirituality, her loves one’s never will.

…Until Crystalized undid ALL of that. BUT LETS NOT.

Movie Nya just really isn’t any of that. She’s basically just her brother.

Which… I’m actually fine with. The show has some bumps in the road in execution of her story anyway. And they want the only female of this team to not be a background character cause that’s look bad. I totally understand that. And her being a sibling to Kai makes me forgive it a whole lot more cause it does make sense.

But again, we don’t know what their lives are like or if they have similar backstories to theirs in the show at all.

But where does that leave Kai?

Well his whole character in the movie seems to basically be “I’m the loud one and a complete klutz and meathead.”

Basically TD Tyler.

It’s a personality in the movie that bled in the show post movie. While I personally think it was not THAT bad in the show, Secrets of the Forbidden Spinjitsu made me go “Okay. I understand now.”

As for movie Kai, that’s really about it.

It really was an early indicator of just giving Kai’s character traits to other characters. Before the show was visibly doing it.

Cause movie Lloyd is also basically just Kai but with a different backstory and context to situation. But honestly, I DO see what they were going for here.

As the ONLY ninja to get ANY focus, this version of Lloyd is well explained on what his life is.

In the show, he’s an abandoned child in an abusive boarding school who heavily idolizes his father, Lord Garmadon, and runs away to become a super villain. Only for Destiny to tell him not to, and we see his true colors and that he just wanted his family together and to love him. Something that was… hard. Considering who Garmadon is.

That is actually carried into the movie. Just cut out him running away. Here’s the difference.

Show Lloyd loves his dad and refuses to hurt him until he has to. While he is the Green Ninja, he didn’t resent himself being Garmadon’s son. What he resented was the destiny that took them apart.

Movie Lloyd HATES his dad for abandoning him, terrorizing the city, making said city cancel him for EXISTING, and he wants every excuse to shut this man out of his life forever.

That does make sense. And to the movie’s credit, the movie logic DOES work to make this version of Lloyd make sense.

It makes the movie pretty mean spirited and kinda unpleasant at times. But it works for the story.

I described Lloyd as ‘The Emo Child’. In the show. But that’s two words.

Emo. CHILD.

He’s still a kid. He’s still the youngest. He still has his own child-like wonder of the world and the aspirations that of a child would.

Yeah he’s a lot of angst. But he’s also a sweet kid who deserves hugs.

That’s not very apparent in movie Lloyd. Not that it needs to fit movie context.

But because we never see how the ninja in the movie got together, we have no idea why Lloyd even accepted being the Green Ninja in the first place. He even says in the movie that he’d give it up if it meant he didn’t have to be Garmadon’s son.

Movie Lloyd is the only ninja in this movie with an actual character arc. He resents his dad, tries to be rid of him, only to get consequences for it, goes on a quest to fix his mistake, bonds with his dad to learn he’s… sympathetic? I guess?? And in the end forgives his dad and chooses to let him in his life again.

Simple. Fine. It works on Lloyds end just fine. And I have to give credit for the movie making Lloyd resenting Garmadon more logical than Crystalized ever did.

It’s Garmadon’s end that just makes the whole thing a bad message in the end of ‘forgive your abusers.’

Yes he’s funny. That doesn’t undo his actions.

No it’s not undone in the show either, but at least you can buy the forgiveness there because every character knew that he had no choice.

In the show, Garmadon is the Oni Child of the FSM. Thus all it took was for another Oni creature, the Great Devourer, to trigger his blood and FORCE him into the evil role without his consent. It forced him to do nasty things to his loved ones and the land his dad created, and by the time he became his evil form, he was forcefully stripped away from all of his loved ones and a chance at normal life. So the only way he could ever get that back was to turn the world into his own image, thus having the world become him too. A monster.

The show made it abundantly clear that most of Garmadon’s evil deeds are either out of ambition for what he deems as helping the family, or not his fault at all due to snake venom influence.

I THINK the movie also has this because they do address him getting bit and becoming the creature he appears as in both versions.

Better than nothing I guess.

But then you get his ‘sympathetic backstory’ which is pretty much just a love story between him and Koko-

Yeah Lloyds moms name is actually different in both versions. And in role.

Misako abandoned her child to try and solve the destiny crisis, then returned to his life to help her kid out.

Koko remained a mother to her kid and supported him even when everyone hated him.

These are very different characters basically, and which one you prefer is up to you. Personally… I actually prefer the movie. I do think the mom was the one character that the movie actually improved upon. Especially with a very interesting story for her.

In the show, Misako is a researcher and just the fair maiden figure that Wu and Garmadon fell in love with. To which she chose Garmadon because of Wu’s letter that Garmadon forged his name on… it’s complicated.

In the movie, she was actually a fighter as well and took a part of the wars Garmadon was in. She enjoyed the thrill of the fight and fell in love with her opponent in a pretty cute montage.

But then they had a baby and her reality changed, realizing she could not raise her child on the battlefield. And when Garmadon refused to change his mind, she took Lloyd and left him behind. So she could be a mother.

Explains her actions in the movie all throughout very well and I never got lost when it came to her. She’s probably the one character in the movie I felt the most sorry for. She’s such a sweet parent and her interactions with Lloyd are probably the best parts of the movie. I wanna hug her.

But that’s all that’s shown of Garmadon. Apparently Garmadon was oppressed, but that’s told at the end and not shown or been significant at all.

They don’t hate you cause you look funky. They hate you cause YOU TERRORIZE THEIR CITY ON A DAILY BASIS AND SHOOT PEOPLE OUT OF A VOLCANO

Yeah show Garmadon did similar stuff, but again, WASNT HIS CHOICE.

Here, it’s absolutely his choice cause nothing indicated otherwise.

Garmadon doesn’t even PROCESS his kids existence or his own negligence three quarters of the time. And you expect me to buy a redemption from him?

You know, I’d be fine with it if he was just a one dimensional villain and the story of the movie was about Lloyd putting his energy away from a family that doesn’t care about him and more towards a surrogate one he has.

But no. You gotta have Lloyd forgive Garmadon and have Garmadon redeemed.

Cause that’s what the show did.

Even though this is supposed to be an AU not connected to the show so we can do whatever we want.

The most they do for Garmadon’s redemption is force him to be the mentor after Wu got yeeted off a bridge by a butterfly, have him go “Oh yeah, I DID shoot people out of a volcano!”, teach his son how to catch, and tell his son his backstory.

(Speaking if, Wu to me is basically the same. Just different voice actor delivery. I got nothing to say on him)

And then if that IS redemption, then he failed it. Because he offers Lloyd to be his general when they take over the city again, showing he’s learned nothing. Then when Lloyd says no, he steals their magic weapons and ditches them in a temple leaving them to DIE. Then he goes to terrorize the city again.

What redemption. /s

Again, this was all HIS choice. If it was not and if it was snake venom, they couldn’t at least give a visual cue or address it?

And now LLOYD has to apologize?

NO. LLOYD WAS RIGHT. THERES ABSOLUTELY NO REASON WHY HE SHOULD LET HIS DAD INTO HIS LIFE. THE DAD HIMSELF PROVED THAT.

It just paints an unintentional bad message of ‘you have to forgive your abusers’

I’m sorry but Lloyd doesn’t owe this Garmadon anything.

I do like Lloyd’s VA delivery though, and the speech about green being the color of life. I actually like the idea of Lloyds power being his heart. Yeah it’s not flashy powers like in the show, but for an AU, it’s a really cool idea and I wish they used it more.

I have mixed feelings on the celebrity casting. Did I expect the original voice actors? No. But this casting wasn’t awful.

Garmadon’s VA is amazing in this movie. Jackie Chan as Wu is very subjective I feel, love it or hate it. Nya and Jay’s were really good too. I think the only one that didn’t work for me was Kai’s VA. Just… why does this teenager sound like a 50 year old man??

But honestly, I think the thing that got to me the most about the movie was something I praised about the show not too long ago.

The bond between the ninja.

I talked about how the show is a master class at character dynamics. There is almost no point where the characters are just standing there in one big clunk. Someone is saying something, someone is making a comment, someone is doing something, and it’s usually there for others to see and react to. It’s a very small thing, but it keeps the scenes alive and fresh the whole time and helps the audience be sold on the characters bond.

They don’t wait for the scenes of “Okay it’s time for characters to interact”. They just do it all the time.

And guess what the movie did? They’re just there in one big chunk all the time. With “okay it’s time for characters to interact” bits.

It’s one thing to not explore the other ninja at all. It’s another to ignore their bond.

In the show, they’re a found family. They all had rough upbringings in life and find a new sense of purpose in each other.

That’s NEVER emphasized in the movie except for one speech at the end Lloyd makes. Mostly cause we don’t know the other ninjas lives, and we don’t know how they even got together. Cause as I said, the movie starts at the middle, and awkwardly cuts after Garmadon is forgiven to be the end. We don’t know what it is about THIS ninja team that we should care about. It’s not shown.

All were shown is them being a team by circumstance only. Then Lloyd pulls out the cat laser and the cat nearly kills them. Then they hate Lloyd for it and spend the rest of the movie making fun of Lloyd.

Which yeah they make fun of each other in the show too, but where it ended in the show was playful teasing in the middle of moments that showed they cared about each other. And when one bond between two or more of them was broken, you felt it.

Here? I don’t know that and there isn’t anything besides the high school montage to show they cared. Just some comments about “Oh it’s okay Lloyd, it’s just awkward that your dad is a terrorist”. And then they make fun of Lloyds expense.

It’s mean spirited. It makes me think they don’t like each other. And it’s not like they ever apologize for it. They’re just teammates because Wu said so. They’re just tolerating Lloyd cause Wu said so.

Honestly the bloopers for this movie show more personality and more of this bond than the entire movie does.

…OOF that took awhile. I don’t even know why I did this, I just didn’t feel like sleeping. Uh… you read this, congrats. Idk why you did.

[sunflowers-and-scales]

hey!! i draw stuff (and write too. sometimes) :))

u can call me sunny if you like (and i’ll take requests//suggestions but only sfw pls :0)

also pls talk to me abt:

persona 3 and 4

ace attorney (!!!!)

hunterxhunter

animal crossing

tomodachi life (do ppl still play this)

pokémon

slay the princess (!!!!!)

the owl house

spiderverse

the dragon prince

disastrous life of saiki k

deltarune (a little)

other stuff probably too idk what all of my interests have been ever

i put oc art under the tag #sunflowers and scales

if you want to draw them (pls i will love you forever) you can do the same :D

v oc info under here v

main oc intro stuff!! (feel free to skip this, but i draw them a lot so in case ur interested)

from left to right:

ryu:

little sheltered rich kid boy & ambulatory wheelchair user. he lives in a big beige mini mansion on a coastal cliff and is perpetually bored until ian breaks into his home and drags him on an adventure. he’s also kind of part fish (though my ocs have an elemental system so i guess it’s “water element” technically lol)

he enjoys: rain, cats, his friends, the color blue, video games, alone time

he does not enjoy: the color beige, yelling, crowded public spaces, heat, sunburns

ian:

lives in an elemental village taken over by some guy named Duke who also married his mom. he doesn’t know it but he is NOT dukes kid lmao. he’s part plant element, part air element (harpy basically) (hence the shiny silly wings) and he gets kicked out for being the product of an affair whereupon he breaks into ryu’s home and is like “hey help me find my mom again pls”. he is the pathetic wet dog to ryu’s pathetic wet cat.

he enjoys: sunny days, light showers, his friends, sewing

he does not enjoy: fire, small enclosed spaces, extremely coarse dirt

kei:

is ian’s older half brother and is the more emo of the two. he’s part plant-element and part fire-element and can manipulate fire though cannot prevent burns like a typical fire element. he gets wrecked by duke on numerous occasions for trying to have an opinion and/or existing (todoroki/zuko dupe). dw they get him eventually. he’s also shorter than ian and mad about it.

he enjoys: green tea, the beach, studying biology, ample relaxation time

he does not enjoy: loud voices, being alone, not being able to swim, fire hazards

alyce:

part of a second elemental village, this one ruled by her father (and ian’s father (gasP)) who’s an air element (so is she). in line to rule until ian shows up and her dad’s cringe so he gets the throne by default. he does not want it. also their dad gets burned to death three minutes later but that’s kinda irrelevant. she’s extremely well organized and tolerant but also has talons and knows how to use them.

she enjoys: archery, recreational diving, nighttime, quiet

she does not enjoy: cats, molting season, people who talk and/or chew too loud