#that is the start of a larger fight not a happy ending! fuck you!

[penguinloki]

Sometimes I read a fic that contains all of my favorite tropes, is well characterized with a good plot that gives me literal and chest pain because the angst hits just right. And then in the last few paragraphs the writer just fucking ruins it in a way that makes me reconsider my thoughts on prison abolition.

[kiri-thighs]

Express | J.Fisher

FEM! READER

summary: you and jeremiah are best friends and you two get into a terrible argument on the beach after showing mixed signals of each other's company. you express your feelings for him at the end of it and he realizes with you two obviously ignoring each other that he has those same feelings for you.

warnings: angst, mentions of underage drinking, cursing + TAKES PLACE IN AMAZON PRIME VIDEO SERIES SEASON 2. If you don't want minor spoilers please don't read OR you can watch season 2 first!! this one shot does not completely go with the plot of the show!

thank you and enjoy lovely readers 🤍

"I can't fucking believe you, Y/N." Jeremiah said, half intoxicated due to them leaving a party at Susannah's house. Susannah was gone and all of you had decided to throw a party.

Rewinding to at least an hour before he had said those words to you, what led up to this moment was surprising. As you and Jeremiah were partying, about to kiss a fight broke out between Milo and Steven.

Another event happened where Skye ended up sharing the news about their mom, Julia making a deal with the kids that lived, well used to live at the Cousins beach house.

You and the others were allowed one week each summer, since the family that Julia had sold it to wasn't going to use it too much. Jeremiah, you and Belly hearing the news, all three of you were happy.

Though there was one person that couldn't accept the deal and that was when Jeremiah and Conrad ended up fighting. You were in the middle of it.

"Jere don't say that-" You said, holding his arm as Jeremiah pushed you away, which caused you to be taken aback. As Belly was leaving, Skye went after her. You stayed as you watched Jeremiah throw hurtful words towards Conrad.

"Jere stop-" You said but Jeremiah looked at you, after everything that he said to Conrad.

"So what you're defending him now too?" Jeremiah asked as you looked at Conrad, before looking down and shaking your head.

"I'm, I'm not sure." You whispered.

"Yeah. There it is again. The I'm not sure from Y/N. One happy thing, such a small thing that everyone could be happy about and you go and ruin it Conrad." Jeremiah said as he walked away.

As everyone seemed to go their separate ways, you stayed in front of Conrad as you felt your chest was hurting.

Conrad was silent, his eyes teary due to the words that Jeremiah said towards him. Conrad looked up as you were lost in thought, your mind vacant before you hear Conrad calling out your name. You looked up at him when he asked, "You okay?" his voice was shaky, hoarse and like it was caught in his throat.

"Yeah...yeah it's just," You started before sighing. "Last summer was messy." You stood there as your voice was shaky too, wondering why in this moment you felt like breaking down.

There was one specific person that you loved so much. That person was Jeremiah Fisher. Yet with how things were going last summer due to the whole love triangle, Susannah and other messy stuff, it was like that again.

You were caught in the middle of it and it was not until this summer that your feelings for Jeremiah were growing uncontrollably larger.

"As soon as school got out, hearing about the house being sold I've been trying hard too. To get the house back. To talk some sense into your dad. To talk to your aunt and I never once told anyone how much things have effected me." You said as your eyes teared up remembering the way Jeremiah and Conrad looked at each other with so much remorse.

"I love Jere. So much, Conrad" You whispered. "Last summer I realized I liked Jeremiah even if he's been my best friend my entire life. Seeing Jere and Bells kiss with Steven, I couldn't take that happiness away." You smiled as you wiped your tears, you weren't a drinker so these were your raw emotions, not intensified too much because there was no alcohol intake.

Conrad seemed to go more silent hearing that Jeremiah and Belly kissed, as if not knowing that already. It was a reminder that Belly couldn't choose. You looked at him as if apologizing for bringing it up.

"Conrad," You called out, "I wanna keep fighting for this house but I don't know how much more all of us can take if it's causing this much damage," You said truthfully as your tears were falling harder. Conrad was crying as well, his head held low before pulling you into a hug.

You two were somewhat the same. Bottling things up, though Conrad got the bigger blow. You hugged Conrad tightly as you sniffled, continuing what you were saying.

"I just had to be there for you both," You mumbled. "You are here," Conrad mumbled. "You are, you really are." Conrad said in a shaky tone, not knowing how else to comfort you. Not knowing if what he was doing for you was helping you feel better.

You didn't want Belly to be alone but the one person that needed someone, knowing that Conrad would go after Belly, you knew no one would be there for Jeremiah.

Conrad pulled away as you wiped your tears. Conrad wiped his away as he patted your head. "Go after Belly," You told Conrad. You pointed to his chest.

"I already know you will." You smiled at him as Conrad nodded. Everyone rarely saw you cry. You knew that you had just let it all go to Conrad, but knew that he had something to take care.

Conrad nodded as he slowly walked away from you, leaving you there to wipe your tears away in hopes that they would be gone. You took a deep breath before walking back into the beach house, the strobing lights still seen through the house's windows since the curtains seemed to not be covering any part of the windows.

You looked through the crowd, trying to find Jeremiah amongst the people dancing and drinking. The smell of alcohol and cigarettes always made you cringe, you and Cam always got along pretty well when it came to parties because you two didn't drink.

You didn't drink specifically because your mom died due to a drunk driver. You didn't want to be that way, and there would come a time when you would finally drink.

You saw spray painting on the wall, people breaking windows and tables as you shook your head, moving past people who were shoving you left and right.

Finally though you found Jeremiah standing against a wall with a red cup already in his hands. You were in front of him as he looked down at you with the same angry expression he showed Conrad.

He was ready to leave, pulling his weight off of the wall as he turned away from you. You grabbed his wrist quickly, making him accidentally drop the red cup in his hand, spilling the drink on the ground.

Jeremiah tried his hardest to hold back his anger, you being his best friend he couldn't be mad. Not at you completely. You looked up at him as he turned around, his eyes still averted away from yours.

"Can we talk?" You asked him, loud enough to go past the loud music that was playing.

"I don't see a reason," Jeremiah said as you bit the inside of your lip and held his wrist harder.

"Then you don't need a reason but I have one." You said as Jeremiah finally looking at you. The reason he didn't want to look at you was because he saw you crying on Conrad.

He knew the reason why you were crying and it was because of him. He knew that too well that he was the one that made you cry, yet he couldn't comfort you and say that it was okay.

Jeremiah pulled his wrist away from your strong grip before walking outside with you, to the beach, a different part of it since Belly and Conrad were talking as well.

You followed after him, as you stared at the back of his head before he finally stopped when you both reached your favorite log on the beach. He turned around as he stared at you with a look of anger still.

"If this is about what I said to Conrad, I'm not taking it back." Jeremiah said.

"Jere you didn't have to say all of that-" "He asked for my blessing, Y/N" Jeremiah started getting riled up, already feeling that anger was bottled up inside of him.

"Yes he did, but he needed someone, he needed his brother and this summer you guys have been butting heads indirectly but things were getting better," You said as had your hands out, you trying not to get teary eyed. Yes you were defending Conrad because he was in the right, but you wanted Jeremiah to know that too.

"Since when were we getting better?" Jeremiah asked as he scoffed, laughing a bit because it was unbelievable to him. "He took Belly away from me. I had to watch him and Belly together. I thought of all people you would know how lonely I was because I was there for my mom when no one wasn't." Jeremiah said, his voice partially raising.

You felt your heart ache as your tears were starting to become visible but you wiped your face while Jeremiah was looking away. You didn't know. How else to tell him. How else could you possibly comfort him?

"Jere," You called out, "I'm here," Was all that could slip out.

"Where were you then? When were you here?" Jeremiah asked as his eyes were tearing up, his eyes seeming to get rid of the anger slowly but it was evidently still there.

"You always comforted everyone else before you came and checked up on me. You ran after Belly when her and Conrad fought at my mom's funeral. MY MOM'S funeral. You told me that you would always be there for me first, you liar." Jeremiah pointed to his chest, as he was hitting his chest with his fingers as he was saying that.

You hated it. Seeing him in so much pain but you were in pain as well. "Jere, I tried to take care of everyone and I'm sorry. I swear I came to check up on you first you're twisting the story," You said, trying to stay calm, while Jeremiah was raising his voice at you.

"You know what, whose side are you on?" Jeremiah asked as he put his hands on his hips, turning his body as he was now rejecting looking at you.

"I saw Conrad hugging you," "Jere are you seriously doing this right now-" "Doing what? Watching you be comforted because you're what the girl version of me and Conrad combined? Bottling shit up and then acting like it's okay? Yet you don't even go and run after me?"

"You aren't making any sense Jere why are you blaming me for that thing specifically?" You asked as you put your hand on Jeremiah's but he pushed you away once again, like he did back there during his argument with Conrad.

"Don't fucking touch me." Jeremiah said with a rough voice. "Whose side are you on." Jeremiah asked as you bit your lip.

You clenched your fists, "What do you even mean Jere?!" You finally yelled which took him aback. You looked away as your chest was heaving.

"When was I here? I've been here the entire time! Being in the middle of you and Conrad. The middle of you and Belly. The middle of you three!" You yelled as you stepped towards him, you pointing your finger on his chest as you were pushing him with it.

"I was there even if I was in pain too. With my mother's death at the beginning of last summer, then Susannah was next. You don't see it do you?" You asked as your tears were falling uncontrollably.

"You needed someone and when you say no one was there for you I watched you miserably. I watched you and felt invisible. You focused on Belly so much when you guys had a thing and I had to act like I was okay with that." You laughed but it mixed with crying too.

"I tried so hard to continuously fix things. Every time Belly had a conflict with Conrad or you I would be there for her. Every time you felt so alone I was there. I was there for each and every one of you and yet you're asking me where I was?!" You yelled.

"Y/N-" Jeremiah said as he took your finger off of his chest and held your hand but you pulled your hand off of him. "I get how much Belly effected you. How much you love her," You said as you knew the next words that you were about to say were fucked up. You knew that you shouldn't put yourself before others.

"I love you Jere," You said, in hopes that he would return the feelings. Yet you knew. You knew that you two made a promise to one another that you would never fall for each other.

There was complete silence, the silence killing you but Jeremiah was taking time to process. The processing ended up stopping, but the next words that Jeremiah said towards you were words that you wished he would never say to you, but he did.

"I can't fucking believe you, Y/N" Jeremiah said as he had a face of disgust. An expression he never had towards you but to others. You saw the way he looked at you, the way that you wished he hadn't.

"So that's it," You said as your breath hitched before your next words came. "You and I were about to kiss, obviously getting even closer during this whole week and you say that to me," You said as Jeremiah looked away.

"That was a mistake," Jeremiah said as your lips quivered, tears falling harder. "I didn't mean to do that. I just wanted to kiss someone." Jeremiah lied, but you didn't know that. Jeremiah knew that he didn't want to hurt you if he was still in love with Belly.

"You wanted to kiss someone?" You asked as Jeremiah nodded. "I love Belly." Jeremiah said straightforwardly. "We promised each other that we wouldn't."

"Fuck- promises are meant to be broken!" You yelled. "Can't you make an exception just this once? That you can love me somehow? The way I love you?" You asked, begging for Jeremiah to somehow look at you the way he always has.

The one time that you finally break, after being so worn out with being the therapy friend, the friend that everyone could depend on but at your lowest moments you could only depend on Susannah and Laurel.

Susannah was gone and that impacted you too but you knew that if you compared it to the pain that Jeremiah and Conrad felt, it would be selfish. That the mother figure that replaced your mom when she passed, was now gone and the last mother figure you had was Laurel.

"I can't fucking look at you." Jeremiah said, his breath shaky. "I can't believe you." Jeremiah said as he started walking past you. You didn't watch him leave, as you stood there, still in front of your favorite log that you two would always have heartfelt conversations on.

Before he could walk away completely, you turned to him. "You can't just leave it at that!" You yelled before Jeremiah stopped. You sobbed as you begged for him one more time, wanting his answer to change.

"Yes I can." Jeremiah said as he turned around, his eyebrows knitted. "I can say that I can't." Jeremiah said, his voice shaky because he was afraid. Afraid that he was losing you now too and it was because of the words that were coming out of his mouth.

You walked up to him and tried your hardest but still he pushed you off of him. He would never treat a girl like this, ever. Yet it seemed like you were a different case. He wanted to get away from you.

"Just- Just get away from me alright?!" Jeremiah yelled which made you stop. You froze and as you did, Jeremiah ran his fingers through his hair before his tears fell as his breath was hitching too.

You watched as he sobbed, his emotions seeming to stir in the pot but with each new ingredient in there, it was the wrong ones every time. You reached out to Jeremiah, but your efforts were short as he finally decided to leave.

This time you didn't go after him. As much as you tried to comfort him, he still walked away without turning back even if your cries were heard. You had tried to hug him, knowing that was always the solution but this time, that solution was last place.

You fell to your knees as you sobbed out, wishing that the conversation ended on a high note but it didn't. Your heart ached before you felt everything suddenly get blurry and shaky. Due to the many emotions you were feeling everything had gone black.

NEXT MORNING

The sun was shining over Cousins beach. The next morning came and everyone at the party was gone. The guests were gone at least except the mess that was left behind.

You felt your breath catch in your lungs before waking up when you felt the glare of the sun hitting your body. You woke up, getting up from the sand on the beach.

"Did I really sleep here?" You asked before your eyes softened realizing no one noticed you were gone. You were hoping Jeremiah would at least bring you inside or be concerned for you seeing that you didn't come inside later that night.

You had your hands on the sand before standing up, your legs feeling numb because of the emotions that were still hitting you right as you wake up.

You walked off of the beach and into the beach house, seeing that the door was wide open, before realizing Laurel's car was there in the driveway.

You blinked before you realized. You ran inside but was met with Belly walking out of the house. Belly was holding her cheek. "Bells?" You called out as held her arm, trying to stop her. She hugged you tightly, her tears falling onto your shoulder.

You were shocked seeing the amount of tears coming out of Belly's eyes. You held the back of her head as you hugged her tightly before she pulled away and walked out to the beach.

You watched as she left, your breathing on double time before walking inside knowing that she needed space. You saw Laurel there, with Steven, Conrad and Jeremiah.

Steven told Laurel that Belly and the rest of the kids were at least here for Susannah's boys while Laurel was absent. After hearing Laurel already knew about the house being up for sale. Everyone walked away from Laurel and apparently you now. Jeremiah didn't bat an eye at you, covered in sand.

Laurel looked over to you before you looked away. "I'll start cleaning up," You whispered. "Belly needs her mom right now." You whispered before grabbing a trash bag, feeling somewhat small as you started to clean the place.

It was an hour or two later that Laurel announced that she would fight for the house and talk to Julia about it. Everyone was thankful for Laurel, glad that Belly reached out to her mom.

You kept your distance from everyone as you felt invisible and sad again. You looked at Jeremiah a few times but he never looked at you. He really did mean that he wouldn't look at you at all.

Julia finally arrived and as the kids were cleaning up, Laurel pulled Julia aside talking at Susannah and her's favorite spot.

You continued to clean up as Belly came over to you with Taylor. "You okay?" Belly asked, her hand on your back. You didn't know that Jeremiah and the others were also listening in as well.

"Yeah, just a little tired." You told Belly. "Jere and I had a big argument last night." You smiled sadly. As Belly pulled you aside along with Taylor and Skye who seemed to tag along, Steven looked over at Jeremiah.

"What happened?" Steven asked Jeremiah who was scrubbing the wall, trying to get the spray paint off of it. Jeremiah shook his head. He knew if he thought about it then he would've said the wrong things somehow.

"Nothing," "Well it doesn't seem like nothing Jere. Taylor and I watched the whole thing. I wanted to punch you so badly seeing the way you made her cry." Steven said as Conrad awkwardly listened, still on the silent treatment with Jeremiah.

Steven put down his trash bag as he made Jeremiah stop too. "I get it. We've all been through a lot of shit man but I know damn well that you love Y/N. More than Belly." Steven said as Jeremiah looked away.

"I don't." "You really are an airhead like they all say." Steven chuckled before making Jeremiah face him.

"You may think that taking the easier option is better but the better option will always be there for you and if I'm going to be honest it's Y/N. You said it so yourself. Belly will always have something for Conrad. There's someone though waiting for you." Steven said since Conrad left the room. Jeremiah looked up at Steven as Steven was awkwardly smiling.

"I.." Jeremiah said before his shoulders fell, "I fucked up so badly," Jeremiah said as Steven agreed.

"Well yeah. Can't say that I don't agree with you cause I do." Steven laughed as Jeremiah nodded.

"I..I don't know. I just don't know." "Well you gotta know somehow. All the things you said weren't her true intentions and even you know that when you start to regret what you said. She's always been there for you. Through everything. Of course she would love you dude. It isn't hard to love someone like you. Especially her. She always finds a reason." Steven reassured as Jeremiah's eyes teared up.

"Do you think she'd forgive me? For the things I said? I've never in my life spoke to her like that. I've never said such harsh things to her and yet in that moment it felt that that was the only thing that I could do." Jeremiah explained, his obvious regret showing.

"Give it a day or two. You'll probably realize it more." Steven patted Jeremiah's shoulder. "What you said was fucked. Even I would be hurt if someone said that to me." Steven said, not trying to blame Jeremiah but he knew that the two would push through.

Jeremiah paused for a bit before nodding. He knew that he had to do something somehow. He knew if he wasn't there for you the way you were there for him, then no one would be. Hearing that you slept on the beach, eavesdropping and everything no one came to come get you.

Jeremiah knew that as a best friend he should've been there for you. To carry you inside despite being so mad at you. He knew that he put his emotions first. Who knows what could've happened. He wasn't there for you the way you were there for him.

Those thoughts of what he said to you last night started to course through his mind. He winced at the thought of everything as Steven went to go clean more.

He would give it a day or two, in hopes that he would realize it all.

That he needed you, and loved you the way you did.

Taylor was currently giving you a hug as you tried your best not to cry. You stayed so strong up until now but again, you were a carbon copy of Conrad and Jeremiah combined. Belly and Skye were rubbing your back as you cried.

You hated the words that Jeremiah said towards you. Taylor had heard it all with Steven and explained everything to Belly and Skye for you so that you didn't have to.

You closed your eyes, hoping that all of this was a bad dream. Hoping that what Jeremiah said wasn't meant. Your chest kept on going up and down quickly. You were hiccuping as your walls crashed down.

You hoped that the house would be in the possession of the boys. You knew though that you didn't want to be a part of it anymore. You told yourself as you were being comforted, that this would be your last summer at the Cousin's house.

THE NEXT DAY

As you all were wrapping things up, Conrad and Jeremiah had a heartfelt conversations the night before. It seemed that everything was able to be fixed yesterday except things with you and Jeremiah.

You of course included yourself in helping Conrad study for his test in Brown to get into Stanford. Everyone was all for it, especially Belly. Yesterday evening was the last time you saw Julia and Skye for now.

After being able to convince Jeremiah and Conrad's dad about selling the house they had in Boston, things started to get good from there.

The morning came around and things needed to finish up. With the house not being on the market, everyone needed to go home and would be able to come back whenever they'd like and whenever everyone had free time.

You smiled as you were saying goodbye to Laurel. While the others were saying goodbye to one another, you wanted to talk to Laurel first.

"Thank you so much Laurel for everything that you've done up to this point." You said as you were holding her hands. Laurel smiled as she looked at you. You looked back at her, and the obvious eye bags were under your eyes.

"I heard what happened between you and Jeremiah," Laurel said as she gave you a hug. "Thank you so much for being here for everyone. We'd love to see you here again next summer or this summer if anything." You softened up in Laurel's hold before holding onto her and smiling.

"I'll think about it," You said as Laurel nodded. Laurel slowly pulled away as everyone started getting into their cars. You ended up actually driving here, so you didn't have a problem taking your time getting home. You took a good look at the Cousins house.

You weren't ready to leave yet, as everyone was talking about when they would next be all together. Everyone was saying the fourth. You looked at everyone in the group before smiling and humming.

"Yeah, I'll be available whenever." You chuckled as you started waving goodbye to everyone. "I'm gonna stay here for a bit longer. Conrad tell me how the test goes. Tell us everything," You smiled as Conrad nodded, with a content smile.

"See you whenever, Y/N" You nodded as everyone seemed to be driving out of the driveway. You didn't notice that Jeremiah actually stayed behind, instead of driving off in his brother's car. Conrad ended up leaving without Jeremiah.

You had your back turned, oblivious to Jeremiah staying behind as you walked into the Cousin's house, going to the pool as you dipped your feet in the cold water.

You heard the door open and looked back seeing Jeremiah was there, his hands in his pockets as he looked over at you, sitting on the ledge of the swimming pool.

You slowly looked away, still kicking your feet gently. Jeremiah slowly sat next to you, dipping his feet in the water with yours. It was silent for a good minute as the awkward silence was sitting there with you two as well.

Jeremiah was the first to break the silence, as he looked at you slowly, seeing that you were watching your feet kick in the water that you were now used to since they have been in there for at least a minute.

"Let's talk?" He asked as you tensed up a little before shaking your head. "I don't see a reason to." You snapped back, repeating his words from last night. To your surprise though, Jeremiah said the exact same thing that you had said to him too. You both switched placed though.

"Then you don't need a reason but I have one." Jeremiah whispered which made you stop kicking your feet. You slowly looked over at Jeremiah, your eyes already teary eyed. Jeremiah stared at your hurt filled eyes as he winced seeing how drained you looked.

Jeremiah reached up as he cupped your cheek gently, but you pulled away a bit. Jeremiah still tried though, holding both of your cheeks as he took a good look at you.

"No," Jeremiah whispered. "Don't pull away," You shook your head more as you held onto Jeremiah's wrists, wanting to shove his hands off of you but you knew that if you didn't want to do that truly.

"But you did," You told Jeremiah as you continued to look at his ocean eyes. "You pushed me away," Jeremiah nodded.

"I know I did, and I'm sorry Y/N." Jeremiah said as he wiped away the tears that were streaming down your cheeks as they were coming down.

"You didn't eat today or yesterday. You haven't slept either. I saw you were still awake even when everyone else was sleeping." Jeremiah said as he put his thumb gently under one of your eyes, seeing the obvious eye bags that already grew.

"It's hard to when you're mad at me." You admitted. "I didn't think you would have noticed me at all since you said that you couldn't look at me," You looked away as Jeremiah's eyes softened.

"Everything with Conrad, I resolved all of it. We told each other that we would talk things out as they come and not let them linger." Jeremiah admitted towards you.

"Things with Belly..I already knew that I don't love her that way. That there will always be a better option for me and..Y/N that's you." Jeremiah said, trying to convince you that the words he said to you a night ago was wrong.

You continued to look away as Jeremiah was the one speaking this time. "I do love you too. In the way that a best friend does but the way that a lover does too." Jeremiah said as he slowly let go of your cheeks, grabbing hold of your hands that he noticed were shaking, seeing your body tremble as well.

He could still see the silent cries you were giving and he knew that instead of being jealous of others that he'd rather be there for you than watch you crying in someone else's arms.

You stayed silent as you listened to Jeremiah, still trying to register everything. "I know..it's hard to forget what I said. But I'd rather say this and take back all of the words." Jeremiah held your hands still, trying to stop them from shaking as he kissed your hands gently.

He closed his eyes, "I'm so sorry for the way I talked to you. I'm sorry for making you cry. I'm sorry for blaming you and lying to you that it was a mistake." You started to sob but Jeremiah didn't stop.

"I'm sorry for pushing you away and thinking you're invisible..you aren't. I needed someone and Belly couldn't be there for me because she was always with Conrad the most. I'm sorry for forgetting about you." Jeremiah's voice started to become shaky, starting to get emotional as he continued.

"I'm sorry for never realizing how much I loved you, Y/N." Jeremiah stopped when you took your hands off of Jeremiah's hands. With this, Jeremiah thought that you were going to get up and leave but you had your hands on his chest, pushing him gently.

Jeremiah looked up at you as you looked at him, hiccuping as your voice finally came out. "Stop," You whispered as you punched him gently, "Just kiss me already," You begged as Jeremiah's eyes widened.

Jeremiah put his forehead on yours as he watched you start to calm down, feeling how close he was to you. Jeremiah gently, hesitantly grabbed your cheek.

"I want to kiss you, I really do." Jeremiah said as your noses touched, booping one another's. "Out of all the people, it was always you." Jeremiah said before his lips hit yours.

Your body stopped trembling, as you melted into the kiss that Jeremiah had given you. Your first kiss was with your best friend. This was Jeremiah's millionth kiss probably but to you, this was the kiss you wanted it to be with.

You kissed Jeremiah, wrapping your arms around Jeremiah's neck as you pulled him closer.

He pulled you closer by the waist as he held you tightly, not wanting to let you go. You pulled away for a second before reconnecting your lips together with his.

Jeremiah tucked some strands of your hair behind your ear, feeling his chest was about to explode because of how much his heart was beating double time.

No one else could make both of you feel this way, both of you knew that for sure as you felt sparks. As Jeremiah slowly pulled away, Jeremiah stared into your eyes as he smiled softly, seeing how out of breath you were.

"The tears are gone." Jeremiah pointed out as he hugged you tightly, burying his face in your neck. You pressed your lips against his curly hair, closing your eyes slowly.

Jeremiah looked up at you again, pulling away a bit from the hug. He connected his lips with yours again, kissing you was so easy to him it seemed.

You kissed him back instantly, smiling in the kiss because you felt better. You felt that things really were going to be okay with Jeremiah. Jeremiah pulled away this time, staring at your lips before pecking it gently with a smile.

Jeremiah rubbed your back gently before getting up and helping you up as well. Jeremiah held your hands before sitting down on one of the beach chairs with you. He put you on his lap gently, having you face him.

You had your hands on his shoulders, having some support as you stared into his eyes.

As you two were silently looking at one another, the silence was broken when both of you said at the same time,

"I love you," You and him stared at each other before laughing softly together.

"Let's stay here for a bit, then I'll come over and sleep over." Jeremiah said as you nodded.

"I'd love that, a lot." You said as you pushed all of your weight on Jeremiah's as he laid on the beach chair with you on top of him.

Jeremiah kissed your forehead gently, having his arms up as a arm pillow.

Jeremiah closed his eyes as he smiled softly. "Me too,"

[alexisomnias]

— BESIDE YOU . .

⤷ moving in with them after graduation

featuring HEARTSLABYUL

 RIDDLE ROSEHEARTS

• He wants everything to be perfect. He wants you to be happy every second of the day your home, he loves you so much haha. So expect him to be a little stiff and nervous at the beginning

• He establishes household rules with you. The rules aren’t stuffy or stiff but more so schedule like rules. Examples being who does what chores on what day, not to do this, boundaries, etc.)

• Riddles own household situation was AWFUL; so he wants the complete opposite for you! He won’t allow you to be reckless, but he won’t allow the house to feel strain or unwelcoming. So he gets you to help him loosen up a bit!

• He is NOT doing the cooking on his own. Get him a cookbook or help him with it lol, he won’t get cooking on his own. But it’s a cute learning experience + bonding time for you both

• Riddle unfortunately will not cuddle you in bed , which sucks since he’s a heater on his own. His skin is always warm, so if you want to cuddle him, just hold him

• Strict bedtime schedule for him. You can go to bed and wake up anytime but he’s in bed by 9:30pm and awake by 6:30am

• HE HAS A GARDEN GOING! He plants a rose field in your backyard along with some strawberries. It’s a red row outside. Beautiful though

• You don’t even have to worry about the bathroom tbh, Riddle doesn’t spend a lot of time on his appearance. He spends enough that he looks refined, but it’s not overdone either

• He actually found a struggle in picking a place aha, money wasn’t the problem he just overthought every aspect of the home. Whether or not you’d be comfortable, how much space would it be, the conditions. So you did help with the picking lol

• This is his first time actually losing contact with his mother, which is a larger step than you may think. But he’s okay with it since he’s doing it alongside you, and he’s so, so much happier since his everyday starts and ends with you

 ACE TRAPPOLA

• Ace is ecstatic to finally be moving in with you. He’s excited to finally take this big step into each others lives. Though he may not show it, he’s also pretty nervous. He doesn’t want you to get sick of him…

• God give you patience because you’ll need it. This man will test a tiny bit every day

• Ace isn’t very accustomed to household chores lol, so you may need to do some heavy lifting. He will do the dishes though

• I can see you two having smaller meals rather then larger ones, just smaller quick heat-up meals, unless your a huge cooker, then he’s not complaining

• He’s fucking NERVOUS when you two agree to sleep on the same bed, he’ll tease you while his brain runs miles on whether or not he snores or kicks in his sleep

• Everyday is pretty fun and chill with him, whether it’s just casually throwing pillows at one another; random hugs in the hallway, or just chilling on the couch watching movies.

• I can see Ace as a kid who sleeps with a light on 😭 so expect a little night light next to his side of the bed when falling asleep.

• Ace will mistake your clothing with his, and no he does not care. His clothes are yours, so yours are his. A fair deal, no?

• On the earlier days of the move in, Ace wanted to be seen as a reliable significant other, and would often do grand domestic gestures akin to one’s in books or movies. Later on though he’s chilled and it’s like living with a roommate.

• ITS A FIGHT FOR THE SHOWER, he’d spend an hour in the shower, and two in the bath. Bro takes FOREVER just to never brush his hair

• Ace is more of a roommate than a househusband, he can be annoying or caring. It really depends on the day haha.

 DEUCE SPADE

• He’s scared shitless. He’s making a huge step in his life moving in with you! It’s the first time he’s moving out of his moms home, and he’s worried moving in together will cause a small strain and lead to arguments

• All his worrying was for naught though, as once you two move in together it’s literally a cute slice of life perfect movie

• Deuce is either able to cook a good meal, or he burns down the kitchen. He can make smaller meals for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. But larger meals is something he should get help on

• Speaking of meals he ensures you eat all three meals a day! It’s good for you, and if you’re not hungry he’ll mix up a fruit bowl or something small like that for you to munch on.

• It’s either shocking or not that his favourite thing of home life to do with you is shop. It’s kind of weird, but the process of creating a shopping list, planning meals, then going out and buying the groceries before helping carry them in just make his heart flutter. He’s helping you, and in a way it solidifies that you both are in each others lives.

• He may develop insomnia because he gets so nervous sleeping next to you! It takes a while before he grows accustomed to your presence. It’s not your fault, he’s just a nervous wreck.

• He FaceTime's his mom every week to check up on her 🥹 sometimes you’ll be next to him and she’ll talk to you asking for an honest answer on how Deuce has been holding up. It’s an adorable family situation. You guys aren’t even married but it feels like she’s your mama too.

• He wants to adopt a pet with you, doesn’t  matter what kind. I can see Deuce as a huge family oriented guy, so a small cat or dog (or something else if you’re allergic) to take care of together would make him super happy!

• He’ll probably do most of the driving around unless you enjoy it. He likes driving you around in a car, or he’ll take you out for a night drive on his magi-wheel after dinner

• He takes a lot of time in the morning to get his makeup perfect, and to straighten his hair haha

 CATER DIAMOND

• HE WAS SO EXCITED TO MOVE IN WITH YOU! Big step who? He only knows excitement!

• Through this you see all sides of Cater. He can’t bare to keep up his always smiles at home, so while at home you’ll see him be much more relaxed and quiet. He doesn’t keep to himself, but he isn’t as bright as he seems to be on average.

• He admits that he loves the concept of being in each others lives like this, making a permanent mark on each others everyday.

• He isn’t a huge eater, so you really don’t need to make lunch or even sometimes breakfasts for him.

• He makes daily posts on Magicam and Twstter about some things of your day to day, whether it’s a meal you make, just cuddling or funny stories you can expect an update on living from cay-cay everyday!

• He takes at least 10 photos everyday, you know those moms who take a photo of you every second? He’s like that, he adores memories. He has his own little album under the bed he sometimes looks through..

• He's HUGEEE on décor, so expect him to do most of the furnishing and going furniture shopping with you once you two buy a house! He loves it.

• The communication with the bathroom is actually pretty good, you both have a schedule for who will shower when, and you both do your makeup and hair together <3

• When in bed, he’ll wrap his legs and entangle them with yours! He likes feeling connected to you (if you’re uncomfortable with that, he may also hold your hand!)

• He takes you out on a date at least once every two weeks! Whether it’s in the home, or out for dinner he ensures to treat you and make you feel loved.

• Cater organizes your outfits for the day sometimes!! He’ll make you both some matching outfit plans sometimes, or he’ll spend the night before setting up outfits for the next day, going through the closets and working with you.

• He enjoys being able to relax and settle down with you in the comfort of the home, with a blanket over him not needing to worry about the stress of being unliked or ruining the mood. Simply enjoying each other.

 TREY CLOVER

• You’d think you were living together for years by how perfect everything seems with him??

• He’s got the house all cleaned, and knows how to keep it that way, he has a schedule already set for you and him. HES GOT EVERYTHING !!

• As you should expect, he does most of the cooking, he likes having decent size meals, normally two food to each dinner (a side dish and main). He also always has dessert for you both ready! He bakes during the day sometimes when neither of you are working!

• Definitely tries to ensure if you have unhealthy habits you get them on the healthier side. Like poor eating habits and insomnia he tries to help best he can.

• Run for the hills, he’ll ensure you spend ten minutes brushing your teeth every morning and night. He never stops, he’ll spend 30 minutes in the bathroom just brushing his teeth istg

• Trey probably wakes up 7:30 sharp or something like that. So rip your ears if you don’t like alarms

• Househusband for real, he’ll do the chores around the house though sometimes you guys set a plan on who will do what

• He’s very schedule oriented, he has a day plan for everyday lol

• He’ll do the grocery shopping for you! But sometimes you have to go with him to ensure he doesn’t overspend on baking ingredients haha!

• Trey isn’t a huge cuddler but he will wrap his arms around you sometimes! Or he’ll touch skin with you

[hollybell51]

If I don't have you

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Ethan Hunt x AFAB!Reader

Mission Impossible (around MI3)

Word count: 6.6K

Summary: your mind won't let go of a close call, or all the things that remain unsaid between you and Ethan.

Content: gratuitous smut, angst, light blood/wounds (canon typical), swearing, angst with a happy ending, some mildly dubious moments (ie., sneaking into people's beds), but there's explicit consent so dw about that. Friends to lovers, first kisses (like between people), oral (f receiving), handjobs, making out, missionary, unprotected sex, bit of dirty talk, sappy love confessions (I'm a sap myself, give me a break). I think that's it but let me know if I missed anything.

Notes: hey guys I'm back with another terrible title and porn nobody asked for! I've recently been consumed by Mission Impossible and was devastated by the lack of Ethan Hunt content, and I may or may not be starting down the Tom Cruise rabbit hole, so I did the natural thing and wrote some good old smut. This man makes me absolutely feral in every film (sixty fucking one and he's still got it! What the fuck!) but the long hair really gets me (you all know this already) so I chose to go with somewhere around the MI3 mark. I'm also somehow convinced that he just gets hotter with each film but that's another issue.

Mandatory disclaimer, I don't really care what Tom Cruise does in his own free time with his money and energy but I personally don't fuck with scientology, so yeah. Anyways, enjoy!

The door to the hotel room banged shut behind you, loud and sudden in the cool stillness of the evening. Your face felt hot, and not just because of the heat outside or the fact that you’d just effectively undertaken a high-speed parkour course, blood rushing in your ears, heart pounding. 

“What the hell, Ethan?” you hissed as you spun to face him, jerking your arm out of his grip. 

He ignored you, stepping closer in the narrow entryway. “Are you hurt?” 

Were you hurt? God, it never failed to amaze you just how little regard this man had for his own safety. First he’d quite literally jumped off the roof of a building (albeit a low building, and he’d slid down the tented roof of one of the market stalls first), then raced head-first into what had nearly ended up an all-out fire fight, despite you and Luther both yelling across the comms at him to stop, go around and cut them off! Unsurprisingly, he hadn’t listened. 

“That was fucking insane!” you burst. 

“Are you ok?” 

You were being pursued, first at a walk and then a run. Ethan had seen, you’d told him and Luther both over the comms, and had been receiving directions from the latter. But there were three men chasing you – working for the man you were stalking, most likely, although you weren’t sure – and the streets were unfamiliar, the heat of the evening oppressive, the crush of bodies at the market stifling and the air dusty and thick. You knew, even as your feet pounded on the uneven ground, that you were not going to outlast these men – locals, larger and more numerous than you. 

“You’re fucking insane, you know that?” 

Ethan had barrelled into you from the side just as the first gunshot had gone off, rolling with a grunt and a curse over some poor stallholder’s display and behind a wall of crates. The rush of relief his presence unfailingly conjured was short-lived as he dragged you to your feet, a quick “alright?” and that goddamn movie-star grin before he was pushing you out from behind the makeshift shelter and back into the crowd. You hadn’t even noticed the substantial tear in his shirt or the rough hatching of a graze high on his cheek until you’d been leaning against a wall, panting and a little shaky, but alive and free of your pursuers. 

You’d almost ripped him a (another) new one then and there, but then he’d shaken his head at you and held up his hand, panting, “let’s just get back,” before you could even open your mouth. So you’d held your tongue. Until you’d gotten back. 

Now, both his hands were on your shoulders, firm and warm, holding you still. “(Y/N),” he was saying, his eyes searching your face. “Are you hurt?” 

“No,” you sighed after a moment, half tempted to jerk out of his grasp again. You didn’t. “I’m fine. Are you?” 

“Yeah, I’m fine.” He nodded, his hands sliding down to grip your arms. The graze wasn’t too bad up close, but as your eyes flicked to the cut on his arm, your anger reared its head again. God, if that had been twenty centimetres to the right…

“No you’re fuckin not,” you said, breathing deeply. It was late, and you didn’t want to disturb anyone more than you already had. “Let me see that.” 

His hands dropped from you altogether, and he stepped back. “It’s fine, (Y/N), just a graze.” 

“A bullet graze!” 

“It’s fine.” 

You shook your head, closing what little distance had opened up between you to point your finger into his chest. “Don’t ever pull shit like that again.” 

“No promises,” he shrugged.

Jesus fucking Christ! You had half a mind to grab his gun off him and finish the job right there, see how fine he’d be with his brains blown onto the wall behind him. Even then he’d brush it off as a bruise, maybe a light concussion. You swallowed. “Ethan, you could have been killed !” 

“But I wasn’t. All that matters is that you’re alright.” He’d taken your hand, folding your accusing finger back towards your palm gently – so gently it made your heart ache – and enclosing your fist in his much larger one. Your stupid, traitorous stomach did a flip to rival his acrobatics. 

“No,” you gritted, “that’s not all that matters! You fucking–” matter. You matter to me. You pressed your lips firmly together, the words boiling in the back of your throat, spiralling into a hard, painful lump. You matter, Ethan, more than any fucking mission. None of it would mean shit if you didn’t make it, if I didn’t have you. You matter and I fucking love you, you idiot!

He was looking at you oddly, you realised, the silence hanging between you so thickly you’d need a damn chainsaw to cut it. His hand still cradled yours, but as you watched, his shoulders slumped ever so slightly and the ready-for-anything gleam you were so painfully familiar with faded from his eyes. 

You both turned as someone – Luther – cleared his throat, a sharp silhouette against the glow of twilight through the window behind him. 

“Are you alright?” your friend asked, looking between the two of you. 

“Yeah,” you huffed, pulling back and running both your now-free hands through your hair. 

“Ethan?” 

“Yeah.” 

Another silence, though less tense. 

“Taking a shower,” you muttered, feeling your own body slouch as the adrenaline drained from you. You were sweaty, hot, dusty, shaky and too strung out for any more of this shit. Nobody stopped you as you trudged past first Ethan, then Luther, down the narrow hallway and into the small hotel bathroom. You thought you could hear Luther’s rumbling voice over the stream of shower water, Ethan’s higher-pitched response, but couldn’t make out any words. Maybe that was for the better.

In your dream, Ethan wasn’t fine. In your dream, he hadn’t moved as fast and wasn’t stumbling to his feet, pulling you with him. In your dream, he went down and stayed down, breath coming fast and short, and instead of a rip in his sleeve there was a dark stain spreading over his chest. 

“Ethan?” you said, watching yourself scramble across the rough dirt of the street to his side, your hands flitting uselessly over his torso. 

He cursed, taking your hand as he had so many times before, big and warm and more comforting than it had any right to be. “You alright?” he asked, teeth gritted. 

“Yeah, fine. Fuck, Ethan hold on–” 

“No, (Y/N)–” 

“Hold on , dammit!” It was amazing how viscerally you could feel the pain, sharp and hot like a gunshot wound of your own. You fumbled at your pockets with one hand, pressing down on his chest with the other, but your phone was nowhere to be found. When you shouted for an ambulance or help or anything at all, nobody was listening. The market bustled on around you, the people no more real than shadows on a wall. 

Ethan was saying your name again, his blood hot and wet against your palm. Too much, too much too fast. 

“All that matters is that you’re alright,” he was telling you, and half your mind was seeing him as he had been in the hallway – serious, sweaty, patch of pink skin over his cheekbone hatched with where the dirt had caught and cut it as he’d rolled. 

In your dream, you told the truth. The whole truth and nothing but the truth, words spilling from you in a sick waterfall. “You matter, Ethan. You matter to me, I love you, do you know how much you matter to me?” 

You’d seen people die before. It was part and parcel of your job, so you knew what it looked like. This was no different. Ethan’s eyes were hazy, unfocussed, and he was too pale. There was a light sheen of sweat beading his face and neck. His chest was soaked with his blood and your hands were slick with it. His fingers were loosening around your own. 

“Ethan?” you asked, your own grip slackening as his head lolled. “Ethan, come on, just hold on–” 

No one’s coming. 

“Hold on, Ethan. Don’t go. Don’t go, I can’t do this without you.” 

He wasn’t looking at you anymore. 

“Please, just– listen to me. You don’t know. You have no idea how much you matter to me, how much I need you. Ethan, come on, I love you!” 

In your dream, Ethan was dead and you woke shivering despite the warmth of the room. You lay stock-still, counting to ten again and again until your breathing finally slowed and your heart rate returned to normal. You wriggled down under the sheet you’d draped over yourself, curling inwards and wishing for something more substantial than the loose t-shirt – once Ethan’s – and your underwear. 

You’d watched Ethan die a thousand times, in a thousand different ways. Nobody would ever torture it out of you, but these – when he didn’t know, when it was too late before you told him – were the worst. It left you with a sick feeling in your gut, a hollow emptiness in your chest where your heart and lungs should have been, and limbs so heavy you were always surprised you managed to get up the next morning. And, of course, the inevitable wave of loathing at how fucking pathetic you were dreaming about telling your partner – friend , probably your best friend, because you were long past being coworkers – that you loved him. 

You sighed, turning over. It was close to the full moon, the open window casting a rectangle of silver over the lump that was your legs, the light breeze moving the curtains gently. You could get up and close it. You should. 

You’d been too pissed off and tired after your shower to do much more than grunt thanks to Luther when he handed you a cold doner kebab, eat it, then fall onto your bed and close your eyes. Usually, you’d have forced Ethan to take a shower too, waited until he emerged in fresh clothes and smelling like cheap soap, hair damp and curling around his ears, and patted the spot on the couch or bed or floor beside you. He’d always roll his eyes but sit anyway, and he’d stay sitting as you cleaned and dressed – sometimes stitched – whatever injuries he’d acquired with only minimal complaining. He’d give you the same treatment afterwards. 

You hadn’t done any of that before, and now you missed the little ritual. You’d been mentally cataloguing the first aid kit for antiseptic cream, bandages, wound pads, suture needles and sterile thread as soon as it had even clocked in your mind that he had more than just the graze to his cheek, the uncomfortable weight of your dream growing heavier with the realisation that you’d left it all to him. And Luther, you supposed. 

It was such a little thing, but in the moment it seemed to loom over you, blocking out the moon’s rectangle. 

You sighed again, your feet hitting the floor before you’d even fully realised that you were getting up. 2.28 AM glowed sickly green from the digital clock on the nightstand. Maybe if you hadn’t had that specific dream, you thought, you would have given this more consideration. Turned over and closed your eyes, decided to wait until morning proper, dismissed your guilt and concern as remnants of a stressful evening. But you had had that dream, and now that you’d eased the door open and were slipping down the hallway towards the room Ethan occupied, there was no way you could have turned back. 

His door was ajar, and didn’t squeal or protest when you eased it open. The set-up, like most hotel bedrooms, was exactly the same as your own. Cupboard on one wall (open, with a duffle bag resting half in and half out of it), dresser next to the door (two guns and a few spare magazines next to them), and a double bed by the window. The orientation of the room meant that the moonlight fell on the floor instead of the bed, but you could still clearly make out Ethan’s prone form, sheet wrinkled and twisted under him, one arm dangling over the side of the mattress, a few strands of hair over his face fluttering with each breath. 

You’d seen him asleep before, of course you had. There hadn’t always been hotel rooms with two bedrooms and a pull-out couch to rotate through, nice as that was. There hadn’t even always been separate beds or mattresses – or any at all. Sometimes you ended up side by side in a queen that was supposed to be two singles, slumped on top of him in the back of a van or on a rooftop, curled against his back in a sleeping bag that was only really meant for one person. You didn’t mind, not really, but seeing him like that – totally relaxed, peaceful – tugged at something deep inside you. 

You hesitated, one hand on the doorframe, shivering once more in the breeze from his open window. The curtains billowed inwards, floated suspended for a moment, then receded back to brush at the thick sill. The bed rustled as Ethan turned over, and you froze. He’d said something, you thought he’d said something that sounded like your name. Then he did it again, and you were sure. 

“(Y/N).” 

You crossed the room silently, kneeling then lying smoothly on the bed and against his back like you were made to fit there. He hummed softly as your arm slid over his ribs, your fingers splayed over his heart. Still beating, strong and even and alive. 

He sighed, shifting ever so slightly back towards you, his own hand finding yours, larger fingers lacing with your own. 

“I’m sorry,” you breathed. The dressing on his arm where the bullet had clipped him seemed to glow, taunting you. He did this himself, it said. You left, he almost took a fucking bullet for you and you didn’t even fix it for him .

The slow expansion and contraction of his torso paused for a moment. Neither of you were heavy sleepers, your job had seen to that. “(Y/N)?” 

“Yeah.” 

“What’re you sorry for?” he asked, voice thick with sleep. 

Everything. “Yelling at you. I just…” You paused, no longer cold in the shadow of your dream, but still aware of its presence. “I don’t wanna see you get hurt.” 

There was a beat of silence, then he was turning over again to face you, his hand slipping from your own to run up over your forearm, your elbow, your upper arm, catching momentarily on the sleeve of your shirt before coming to rest on your shoulder. “You’re here,” he whispered. “Thought I was dreaming…” 

You smiled, reaching out to run your fingers around the neck of his wifebeater singlet. Even just waking up, he looked good in the damn thing. “You were.” 

He frowned, the patch of rough red hashing standing out in the silvery dimness. Up this close, you could see every minute crease between his brows that hadn’t been there a minute ago, every tiny line of tension around his eyes. “What’re you doing here?” he asked. 

 You shrugged. “Couldn’t sleep. I felt bad.” I couldn’t help you. I couldn’t help you and I couldn’t tell you, and you still don’t know. 

“For yelling at me?” 

“Yeah.” 

“I don’t wanna see you get hurt, either. That’s–” 

“All that matters. You said.” 

You were at a crossroads. You felt it as if someone had infused your every cell with the knowledge that you had two options, and you could only take one, and it would change things. How, you weren’t sure, but the sticky warmth of Ethan’s blood between your fingers and the rough dirt digging into your knees still made your skin tingle. 

“You’re wrong,” you continued. “That’s not all that matters.” 

The frown deepened. “Hm?” 

“You matter, Ethan. To me. If I don’t have you…” You shrugged, once again counting your breaths. How was it that you were more highly strung now than you had been while you were quite literally being chased through a market and shot at? It was so far away now, a distant memory of someone else. This, here, the gap barely wider than ten centimetres between your face and Ethan’s, the warm air and the pale moonlight, the warmer weight of his hand still on your shoulder… That was real. 

But bravery – a strange word, you realised, even as you had the thought – only went so far. “Don’t know what I’d do if something happened to you,” you finished lamely. 

He knew it wasn’t what you’d been going to say, that it barely went half way to getting across what you wanted to. But still, he just smiled and gave your shoulder a gentle squeeze. “You won’t ever have to find out.” 

Maybe you weren’t really awake. Maybe you’d wandered into his dream instead of his room, or maybe (and more likely) he’d found his way into yours. Maybe you really had turned over and gone back to sleep instead of padding down the hall and sliding in next to him, and this was your mind’s way of apologising to you for the earlier horror show. It must be, you reasoned, because somewhere you’d ended up pressed against his front – something that hadn’t happened before; you always found yourself curled around him from behind. Your skin felt like it was on fire as his hand slid across your collar, up your neck to rest on your cheek. 

The kiss, when it came, hardly registered as something new. After all, how many times had this played out in your mind? How many times had you wondered what it would be like to move those last few centimetres, lean across that last gap, shove the two of you over that line like he’d shoved you out of the way of that bullet. It was an extension of where you were right now, of where you’d been for the last however long, of where you’d somehow known you were eventually going to end up. 

He was as gentle with you as he’d always been, soft and so painfully careful. He held you like you might break, as if you were something precious and delicate, his hand warm where he cradled your face. You felt the last sticky residue of tension and fear drain from your body as you slid the hand that had been resting on his chest down, over his ribs, around his back, pressing between his shoulder blades. 

“Ethan,” you whispered as he pulled away, still close enough that you could feel his breath on your face. You weren’t shivering anymore. 

“You’re so beautiful,” he replied, brushing a stray piece of hair away from your face. 

You smiled, every cell in your body tingling with warmth. “So’re you.” 

“Mm-mm,” he sighed, shaking his head. “Not like you. You have no idea how beautiful you are.” 

There wasn’t much your kiss-addled, Ethan-filled brain could say to that. You closed the gap once more, his mouth impossibly soft, the faint hint of his toothpaste clinging to his tongue when it slid against your own. Someone – you or him, you weren’t sure – made a tiny noise somewhere in the realm of a sigh as you shifted even closer to him, hooking your leg over his. 

He was almost on top of you now, leaning over you, suspended carefully on one arm. You’d been here before, pressed into the floor of wherever you were sparring, sweaty and determined to do whatever it took to gain the upper hand again. Secretly, though, you’d wondered what that would feel like like this, and now you wondered if he had, too. 

Just as you had all those other times, you pushed your hips up off the mattress and flipped him smoothly. He huffed as you straddled him, blinking up at you in surprise before a smile spread over his face and he sat up, kissing you once more, his hands settling on your hips. You were half aware of your body curving towards his as your hands tangled in his hair, the rapid deterioration of your kisses into something that probably wouldn’t fit the word under any stringent definition. 

“Can I?” he asked, fingers flitting around the hem of your shirt. 

You just nodded, pulling the garment over your head quicker than you ever had before and casting it aside. If Ethan recognised it, he didn’t say anything. 

“You too,” you whispered when he didn’t show any signs of copying you, pulling at the thin cotton of his own shirt. 

“Huh?” 

“Shirt, dummy,” you smiled. “It’s not fair if I’m the only one who’s naked.” 

“All’s fair in love and war.” 

Love. Your heart sped up at the word. This could be love. Or war, you supposed.

“I don’t think that’s what that means,” you said, wrinkling your nose. 

“Sure it is,” he shrugged. But his hands were at the hem of the stupid thing, and before you could say anything else he was easing it over his head – mindful of his arm – and tossing it to join yours. “Fair now?” 

“Yeah.” You’d seen him without a shirt before. Changing in the back of a van, bandaging a cracked rib or disinfecting a patch of tiny cuts where he’d rolled through broken glass (which happened far too frequently, in your opinion), passing him on his way out of the bathroom. Every time made your stomach flip over and your mind race, but you’d never been able to touch him like this before; run your hands down over his shoulders and arms, across his stomach, up again over his chest, around his ribcage, down the curve of his spine. 

He was in the same boat, you supposed, smiling as his hand slid appreciatively up your side, thumb skimming the soft underside of your breast. You moaned as he bent to kiss down the column of your throat, sucking at the flesh over your jugular and where your neck met your shoulder, teeth grazing the skin occasionally, tongue soothing the blossoming marks left behind. 

“Can I ask you something?” you sighed as he mouthed at the hollow of your collar bone. 

“Yeah.” 

“You said my name before. Were you dreaming about me?” 

Again, “Yeah.” 

You smiled. “What about me?” 

“That you were here.” He broke away from your skin, stretching to place a soft kiss on your lips. “And you were safe.” 

“Well I am.” There was more to it, you could feel it. 

“You are.” Another kiss, almost chaste in its brevity. 

“What else?” you asked. 

He paused, hesitant, then, “You had your legs around my neck.” 

Oh. Oh. 

“Fuck, Ethan,” you whispered. That image wasn’t a new one. The fact that he dreamed about you was news enough, but that… That sent a veritable deluge of heat and desire down through your body, pooling wetly between your thighs. You had to consciously stop yourself from grinding on him right then and there.  

You wouldn’t have been able to, anyway. He was pushing you backwards now, his kisses trailing down over your sternum, between your breasts – he paused here to mouth at one, kneading the other gently, making you moan again – and on to your stomach. He slowed when he reached the waistband of your underwear, kissing across the bridge between your hip bones, leaving you a belt of faint hickeys. 

“Can–” 

“Yes,” you answered.

He looked up at you from where he’d slid between your legs, one hand on your hip and the other pushing at your thigh. His hair hung over his forehead and almost into his eyes (you’d been trying to get him to let you trim it for weeks now), lips pink and kiss-swollen and so pretty. “Ok,” he smiled, pulling your underwear down over your legs shockingly easily, considering they were still wrapped around his waist. You cursed softly as he bent his head again, kissing the inside of your thigh. 

“Wondered what this’d be like,” he whispered, sucking at a spot beside it.

“Fuck, Ethan,” you gasped, your hand sliding down to rest on his head, fingers carding through his hair. 

He hummed softly into your skin. “What you’d taste like.” 

You cursed again as he licked over the mark, fingers skirting where you wanted him most, your skin on fire with every kiss.

“What you’d sound like.”

You pressed your lips together firmly, stifling any sound as he slid a finger over your wetness. You raised your head, meeting his eyes directly. “Do you wanna find out?” 

“Yes,” he breathed. His breath hitched in his chest, and there was that perfect movie-star grin. “Fuck, yes.” 

You opened your mouth to say something to that, but before the words had formed in your mind Ethan was licking up your cunt and the only thing that came out of your mouth was an embarrassingly loud moan. You felt him smile, his own soft noise of pleasure muffled against your flesh as he licked again, then sucked determinedly at your clit. 

“Oh, fuck , Ethan–” you gasped, fingers tightening in his hair, legs locked around his shoulders. 

“Hm?” 

“That’s fucking– You’re– Holy shit that’s good.” 

Ethan just grinned again, his tongue flicking over you, one finger circling your entrance. A suggestion. “Is this alright?” 

You nodded frantically, pressing your lips together as he pushed it inside you. “Yes,” you whined as he licked you again, letting yourself fall back onto the mattress as the hand not gripping his hair twisted in the sheets. He groaned softly, the sound reverberating over you as he sucked your clit, his finger working your hole. “Don’t stop, don’t stop, don’t stop–” you panted, practically grinding on his face. 

A soft hum, then he was adding a second finger, lapping up everything you were giving him as you squirmed , your breath coming in ragged gasps. You could feel the orgasm coming now, coiling in your stomach like a spring, hot and tight and Ethan was the one building it up. Every curl of his fingers, every brush of his tongue and lips, every little grunt or hum, and his free hand gripping your thigh like a vice. You hoped you’d have bruises. 

“Oh, oh, Ethan, oh my God–” 

Close, you were so damn close. You were aware of your hips jutting up against his face, and the tiny part of your brain that wasn’t consumed with pleasure and want might have felt bad. 

“I’m gonna– fuck – holy shit , Ethan– Ethan I’m gonna–” 

Then everything was crashing around you and you were crying his name, your legs spasming and your spine arching, electricity fizzing through you. Ethan continued fucking you with his hand, slower and gentler now, his mouth soft on your sensitive clit. Maybe it was gradual, maybe not, but eventually your body transitioned from roiling static to a gentle buzz and your grip on his hair slackened, your legs relaxing around his shoulders. 

He sat calmly between your legs, licking his fingers. The entire lower half of his face shone silver in the moonlight with your slick, his lips pink and swollen, eyes fixed keenly on you. You thought if he looked at you like that a second longer, you were going to cum all over again. 

You smiled at him, your hand finding his where it still rested on your hip. Gently (though maybe it was because your limbs still felt so heavy and floppy), you pulled him up the bed and down on top of yourself, stretching up to kiss him hard. You could taste yourself on his lips, on his tongue when it slid into your mouth, and his hand on your skin was slightly sticky. It slid around your waist, pushing against the small of your back, pressing your chest to his. You didn’t think you’d ever be able to get enough of it.

You whispered his name against his lips, your own hands settled firmly around his shoulders, holding on for dear life. The fabric of his underwear – why the hell was he still wearing anything? – seemed to burn where it brushed over your hip, pressing hot and hard against you. 

“(Y/N),” he breathed, pulling back enough to study your face carefully, as if he were memorising every detail. 

You felt the air catch in your lungs, your heart skip a beat. “You’re so…” Pretty. Lovely. Gorgeous. Hot. Handsome. Beautiful. You’re everything, Ethan. “God, I love you.”

He froze, and it was only then that you realised you’d said it. You’d actually said the goddamn words, aloud, to him. 

“Are you serious?” he asked. Not incredulous, not judgemental, simply seeking clarification. 

And how the hell were you supposed to lie? You nodded, your mouth suddenly dry. 

“Say it again.” 

“I love you,” you repeated numbly. Then, swallowing, “Is that ok?” 

Another beat passed in silence, then he laughed. “Yes, dammit, I love you too.” 

“You… love me too.” Had you heard him right? Had you somehow wandered back to your dream, fallen into an orgasm-dulled sleep and imagined the last few minutes? But no, Ethan’s lips felt real enough when they brushed yours again, his fingers felt real enough on your back. 

“That’s what I said, isn’t it?” 

“Say it again.” 

“I love you. And you love me, don’t you?” 

You nodded, an absurd bubble of laughter swelling in your chest. “Yes,” you grinned. “I love you, Ethan.”

This kiss was different. A kiss has to taste different after something like that, you supposed, and you were both still smiling. You reached down, your fingers skirting the waistband of his underwear, then further still to press your hand against his hard bulge. He moaned into your mouth, breaking the kiss to glance down, up again. 

“Off,” you whispered, already pulling at the fabric. He obliged, quickly and smoothly as he’d rid himself of his shirt, and in a moment his lips were back against your own, hot and hungry. You took his cock in your hand, your own lips moving away from his across his jaw, the hollow where it met his neck, his skin clean and smooth and tasting faintly of hotel soap. 

His dick was hot to the touch, thick and long and roped with veins. You’d wondered, sometimes, what this would feel like. You’d imagined the sound he’d make when you touched him like this (it couldn’t ever have come close to the real thing, you knew that now), how that hot weight would feel against your tongue. He groaned in earnest as you stroked your hand along his length, your thumb swiping around the leaking head. He cursed softly, your name hissing between his teeth, hips moving gently in tandem with your hand. 

“I wanted you for so long, Ethan,” you murmured into his neck. “You have no idea.” 

“Yeah?” 

You smiled. “I dream about you too, you know.” 

He faltered, just for a moment, then, “What about me?” 

You felt your smile widen and you frantically suppressed the urge to laugh again at the echo of your own earlier words. “I dream about fucking you six ways into next week,” you said simply. “Sucking your cock till I’m choking on it and making you cum in my mouth. Or in my pussy, I don’t care.”

“Oh fuck, (Y/N), Jesus,” he groaned, the sound sending another bolt of heat to your still sensitive pussy. “You think about that when we’re out there?” 

“Mhm.” This time you did laugh, nothing more than a soft exhale, not stopping your hand’s movements. “Sometimes I wonder what it’d be like to jerk you off when you’re tryna aim a gun.” 

His cock twitched in your grasp, a low moan pressed back behind his lips. “God, (Y/N) that’s–” 

“Insane?” 

“So fucking hot. You’re so fucking hot.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah. Wanna feel you, all of you. Can I?” 

Now it was your turn to curse. “Yes,” you breathed, wriggling to wrap your legs around his waist, your hand leaving its place to grip his shoulder, run down his arm, guide his hand to your hip. “Please, Ethan.”

“Here?” 

“Yeah. Here.” You ground your hips against his, already tingling as his cock slid against your slick centre. “I want you inside me. Need you.” 

“Shit, ok, just let me–” He broke off as he sank into you, his hum of pleasure mingling with your own breathy moan. Maybe it was the after effects of your earlier orgasm, the dream state you still weren’t entirely sure you’d broken out of, or a combination of both, but you swore that nothing would ever top this feeling. It was like he was made for you, slow and soft as he pulled out and pushed back in, did it again, then again and again. 

“Shit, Ethan,” you whispered, your hand coming up to run over the back of his head, fingers carding through his mussed-up hair as he bent his head to kiss your chest. You were glad it was still long enough for this, that you hadn’t managed to get him to cut it. He groaned against you and you smiled to yourself, stroking his scalp again and coaxing another wonderful little moan. You curled your legs around his waist, pulling him closer, lifting your hips off the mattress in time with his thrusts. His breath fanned over your neck, the muscles of his arm taut. 

“Harder?” you murmured. “Don’t have to be so gentle.” 

“Don’t wanna hurt you,” he replied, his breath warm against your skin. 

“You won’t, don’t worry. Please?��� 

He raised his head, eyes searching your face. “Ok,” he said, dipping down to kiss your lips quickly and softly before he was drawing away and sitting back between your legs, lifting your hips with one hand and sliding a pillow under your lower back with the other. 

Your heart skipped a beat, butterflies swirling alongside the magma in your stomach. This time he pushed hard into you, his cock stroking every inch of your insides, the hand that had been on your hip sliding to press down on your pelvis. “Yes,” you gasped, “yes, just like that.” 

“Like this?” Another thrust, even and determined. 

“Yeah, oh fuck that’s so good.” You reached up over your head, one hand gripping the headboard of the bed as the other twisted in the sheets, eyes fixed on Ethan. He was so beautiful in the moonlight, shining as though he was cast in silver. He was a fucking masterpiece. 

“You’re so good,” he said. “You look so perfect like that, feel like Heaven, (Y/N), I swear.” 

Oh, did he know what he was doing to you? Every jolt of his hips against yours building low inside you, his barely restrained little sounds and the heaving of his chest. You weren’t going to last much longer. 

“Don’t stop,” you gasped, “ fuck, Ethan, you feel so good. Making me feel so fucking good, so good , you have no idea.” 

“Hm?” 

“So hot. You’re so goddamn hot, you know that?” 

“(Y/N)–” 

You were close. You were so fucking close, wound tight and ready to snap at any moment. You whined his name, rocking your hips to meet his thrusts, legs tight around his waist. 

“Fuck, (Y/N), I’m– I’m gonna–” He broke off, pressing his lips together, his eyes fixed on you. 

“Yeah? You gonna cum?”

“Yeah, fuck, where do I–” 

“In me.” 

“You sure?” 

Were you sure? You’d been sure for way too long now. “Yeah, dammit, wanna feel you cum in my pussy, fucking filling me up so good–” 

That did it. His thrusts stuttered and slowed as he spilled inside you, his chest heaving and his head tilted back, eyes closed, your name falling from his lips like a prayer. God, he was just too much, and you’d made him look like that. It had been you, all you, and it was you he was still buried deep inside. Your own climax rolled over you with that, your body squeezing tight and hot around him, your grip on the bed hard enough that you were sure your knuckles were white, spine arching as bliss flooded your body. You might have said his name, he might have said yours again, but it didn’t matter. 

You lay there, warm all over and shaking, watching him. After a moment, his eyes opened and he smiled at you, gingerly pulling out to flop beside you on the mattress. 

“Clean up?” he asked, already reaching over the side of the bed. 

“Yeah.” You were too heavy to do anything but let him gently run the towel he’d found between your legs, thighs and stomach twitching when the rough cotton came into contact with your oversensitive clit. 

“Sorry,” he muttered, cursorily wiping at his own crotch before tossing the piece of fabric away. “Are you alright?” 

“Yeah,” you sighed again, wriggling off the pillow and kicking it aside. You shifted closer to him, his arm sliding around your shoulders and pulling you against his side, his heart beating strong next to your own. Your eyes were drawn to the darker, rougher patch on his cheek, and you frowned. 

“What?” he asked. 

“This.” You ran your fingers over it gently, barely even touching the skin, doing the same to the dressing on his arm. “And this. Can I have a look tomorrow?” 

“It is tomorrow.” He nodded to the clock. Right, yeah. After midnight. “I thought I did an ok job,” he went on before you could say anything. 

“Ethan, there’s nothing even on this one,” you protested. “It’s just… there.” 

He rolled his eyes. “You’re not gonna kiss it better?” 

“I never said that.” You smiled, dipping to brush the spot with your lips. Featherlight, barely there. “Better?” 

He nodded. 

“I still want to check them.” 

“Ok,” he relented, squeezing your shoulder gently.  

You shifted closer, your face inches from his own. Up this close, you could see the baby hairs stuck to his forehead with sweat, every eyelash shining iridescent white under the moon. “I meant it,” you whispered.

“What?” 

“That you matter to me. You’re the most important thing in the world to me.” 

His breath rushed through his lungs and back out again as he stretched to place a soft kiss on your forehead. “You’re the most important thing to me, too. I love you.” 

You tilted your face to his, this time meeting his lips with your own. It was slow, unhurried, relaxed and tender, and everything you adored in Ethan. “I love you, too,” you whispered into it. Then, grinning as you drew back, “And I meant all the other stuff, too.” 

He raised an eyebrow, “All of it?” 

“Yeah.” 

His chest shook with faint laughter under you, his hand stroking over your shoulder. “I didn’t know you thought like that. Didn’t know you thought about me like that.” 

“Yeah, well…” You trailed off, shrugging, your cheeks warm. “Sorry if it was a bit much.” 

“Don’t worry,” he smiled, “it wasn’t. I liked it.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah.” 

“You know,” you said as you lay down, “anyone else couldn’t waterboard that out of me.” 

“Guess I’m just that special.” 

“You are, Ethan.” You weren’t shivering anymore, the only weight in you was the pleasant kind of exhaustion that came with finally being safe, being home. Ethan was alive and he knew, he knew you loved him, and he knew what he meant to you, and he loved you too. If this was a dream, it was the best one you’d ever had.

[mraprilfools]

Word Count: 6.9k

Rating: E Pairing: Mammon x F!Reader

CW/TW: Mammon

Summary:

Even after dating the infamous sin Mammon for months, the man hasn't even tried to lay one dirty hand on you. You decide it's time to change that and put on a skimpy black dress on your next date! Only one problem, the reporters love it more than he does!

Or so you think. Preview below the cut

Openly dating one of the Sins was one of the best ways to end up with your name everywhere. In magazines, TV segments, and online discussion boards. It felt like your whole world was turned upside down once they had snapped a single photo of you leaving a restaurant with Mammon. He towered over you considerably, but you stuck out like a sore thumb as a simple hell-born Baphomet. A secretary that happened by the strangest fluke, a misfiling! Mammon had been far too impressed with your initial meeting to fire you.

All it took was a little healthy fear and suddenly he became borderline obsessed with you. At first, it was casual hangouts with the large sinner making himself quite at home with you. Then he was stealing your weekends and your free time for reasons unrelated to work. His hand became familiar on your shoulder, pushing you into his large plush body whenever he had some oddly capitalistic word of wisdom to share.

Before you knew it, the Sin had become a familiar part of your life. Only he was frustratingly chaste! Sure he’d cuddle with you, push that head against your neck, and wrap his four arms around you. You were happy to lay up on his fuzzy belly and simply… sleep. It was heavenly but three months later and he had not so much as tried to kiss you once.

You’d get to hold his hand! Mammon would pick you up and carry you. He even got you, your very own jester cap! Some days you’d lay on top of him while you played video games together. But… it never got more physical than that.

But tonight you felt you hyping yourself up to try and push things to the next level! At least a smooch! Today’s secret weapon? A pretty black dress that hugged your curves, leaving nothing to the imagination of what you were packing. High heels that showed off your legs even with your hooves fighting it every step of the way, and you went the extra mile to have your hair up.

Tonight! You were going to fuck a clown!

You arrived first at the venue. Standing outside waiting for him, pulling the shawl around your shoulders to attempt and banish the chilling cold of the evening. You’d chosen beauty over comfort and were starting to regret it. The flash of a camera made me far too aware of how high the hem of your dress rode and the plunging neckline.

It didn’t stop with one flash or two. Several were going off in the dark corners where you were never looking. You were stuck between staying where you were so Mammon could find you, or finding a place to hide. The anxiety of the crossroad didn’t have to live long. A familiar limo on the street meant your brief vigil was over and salvation.

You stood on the tips of your hooves, watching with unmasked excitement waiting for the sight of the man who had become so quickly dear to you.

Mammon stepped out wearing a bright green suit with a black vest underneath. His head was still covered with his iconic mask, matching with the colors of his formal wear. There were trappings of familiarity such as the squirting water flower and the spinning bow tie that spoke of his profession. The pressure in your chest felt much lighter at the sight of the larger-than-life sin. Thankfully he attracted all the cameras too! Something Mammon could brush off with ease because it was a world he was born into.

“There’s my Doll!” The familiar voice with its Australian slang cut through the din of the city. The nickname was a familiar one, apparently short for one of Mammon’s favorite things: The Dollar Bill.

The Chartreuse eyes glowed even in the evening, contrasting against the artificial lights. Mammon wasted no time scooping you right off the ground! Hands held your waist, lifting you until you were face to face despite your height differences. He then tucked you into the crook of his lower set of arms like a seat while the upper half was your support for your back. Your legs bent against his belly while he looked at you with his face illuminating with joy.

“You look like a million bucks!” A toothy grin flashed across his face; knowing how cheesy that sounded.

Didn’t fail to bring heat to your neck and a bubbling joy that had you bashfully trying to turn your head away. That was the highest compliment THE Mammon could give! “Fuzzy! We’re in public!” You reminded him. But the sin could hardly care, already pressing his forehead against yours. The ear of his hat tickled your scalp as his lips pressed against your temple.

“Yeah! And you think I give a shit? They SHOULD be looking. These pieces of shit are lucky to be getting to see people like us in public! Fuck, I should be CHARGING them. Wait--” The illuminated expression faltered, eyes squinting. He was stuck in one of his usual thoughts on how to exploit anything and everything for money. It was but one of the many things you loved about the man! Instead of interrupting you pressed a chaste kiss against his forehead, too shy to steal your first kiss in public!

Mammon’s face gentled, large green eyes widening in joy. “Aww, who am I kidding? I’m with my Doll! I’ll exploit these bitches later. You ready for some Italian?”

“You bet! I’ve never been anywhere this fancy before. I hope I don’t accidentally embarrass us...” It had to be quite an affair it was to make even Mammon dress up in a suit. The clown cocked his head to the side and then burst into laughter.

“Don’t worry Doll! Play it off like a joke and everyone will think you’re funny yeah? In any case, I’d hardly be Mammon if I didn’t take my girl to the most expensive restaurant in town yeah? I’m not some… broke loser. Eugh, like can you imagine?” Mammon stuck out his tongue as if it were easily the least attractive trait in anyone. You stuck your tongue out with him, a gesture that brought back that brilliant smile you loved.

“Hah, there’s my Doll! Poor people right? It’s like they want to be a joke. Come on!” Not given much of a choice, you were rocked within the cradle of Mammon’s arms. Held possessively, intentionally blocking you from the sight of the cameras.

[satancopilotsmytardis]

Drabble-A-Thon 2 Prompt #4

Pairing: Shigadabi

Rating: Teen

Prompt: Pre-relationship, Dabi gets hit with a quirk that makes him cry and Shigaraki is very into it from @oh-deerio

Contents: Quirk mishap, Dacryphilia, undernegotiated kink

The scuffle with the dregs of the Yakuza as they travel around trying to find a new place to put down their roots is annoying, but not really that big of a deal. None of the Yakuza grunts who escaped the attack on their base have been particularly difficult for them to deal with and this batch hasn't been either. 

He just isn't all that thrilled when he catches a stray quirk shot from Toga's fight and is suddenly stumbling with pain radiating out from beneath his eyes and moving upwards, a red mist starting to cloud his vision. He throws out his hand and makes sure to turn the guy to ash before she gets in close again to take care of him, and that clears the warehouse. 

"Watch where you're directing shots, brat," He snaps in her direction. His breath hitches slightly when the words finish and he realizes, with embarrassment flooding his skin, that he's crying. That the red and ache are the bloody tears he has now instead of anything more normal. 

"Sorry, Dabi-- Oh, what's wrong? Did it hurt?" Toga gets up in his face, and he puts his entire palm over hers as he tries to wipe away the tears from his face with his other. But he's still crying. He can't make himself stop. 

"It doesn't hurt!" He says quickly. "I just can't make it stop." 

"Jesus Christ, dude," Spinner says, "Are your eyes melting? Fuck do we even have any first-aid stuff anymore?" 

"I'm not hurt, gecko. His quirk just must make people cry. I don't have tear ducts anymore, this is what they do instead." He tells the rest of the group. 

"Well that is inconvenient," Mister says, moving up to his side and producing a marble. He extracts a box of tissues from it and Dabi takes it so he can stop just smearing the blood around on his face. "But hopefully it should wear off soon. If not, Toga might be giving you a transfusion." 

"Loot the bodies," Shigaraki barks, his tone sharper than Dabi has heard it in weeks, "And let's move. We don't want to still be here if anyone heard the commotion and comes to check it out." Dabi's almost grateful that he doesn't bother to baby him. He isn't sad, isn't hurting, he just needs for all of them to move on until this quirk fades. 

///

They end up getting enough yen off of the bodies to be able to do their favorite trick to extend their funds. Twice makes two doubles of the largest notes they get off of the bodies and then they send Mister to get the bills made into a larger note elsewhere, Twos doubles them again, and they manage to come away enough yen to actually find a little motel out of the way to share a room for the night. Most of them will be on the dirty floor, but it's better than sleeping in an abandoned building and they can actually shower and even wash their clothes in the tub. Dabi is fine being made into a personal dryer, because when the others are clean, Shig sends them back out to go get them some real food too which he absolutely needs after using his quirk so liberally earlier. He can't go because he's too noticeable, and he would definitely get even more given that he is still crying intermittently three hours after the fight. 

Fine by him, they have an outlet and he plants himself right by it to charge his phone as Shig sits on the bed, his nails biting into his neck as he charges his game while they wait for the others to return. Shigaraki hasn't spoken a word directly to him since before the fight, and even now he is sitting on the edge of the bed, fully turned away from him, like he's desperately trying to pretend that he left with the others. Normally, Dabi would be perfectly happy to just exist quietly in the other's space, but given how weird Shigaraki has been since this quirk hit him, he can't leave well enough alone. He stands up and cracks his neck, letting the tears trickle down his cheeks as he moves over to the other side of the room to put his face right in Duster's. 

"So what's wrong with you, nerd? Scared of a little blood? Guess turning people into dust leaves a different kind of mess." He gives him a loose, shit-eating smile as red eyes catch on the tears slipping over his cheeks before they move up to his own. 

Dabi isn't expecting there to be so much... heat in those eyes when the lock on him. "I don't mind the blood, Dabi." He says in that strangely intense way he speaks sometimes that makes Dabi's skin prickle. 

"Sure you don't." He says, rolling his eyes and straightening up because he can feel the tears getting to his chin and he doesn't want to ruin his shirt. He moves to grab a fresh tissue to clean them up, but he isn't expecting Shigaraki to stand from the bed like a cobra uncoiling to strike. Dabi takes a jerky step back, sparks flicking up from his skin and making his whole body ache after how much he's already used his quirk today, instinctively wanting to get out of Shigaraki's space to keep him from being able to use his deadly quirk on him. 

But the room is small and Shigaraki had been on the far side of the bed, leaving Dabi stumbling back, his spine hitting the wall hard a split second before Shigaraki's forearm is braced beside his head and he has two fingers grinding into his chest to keep him in place. The threat is slightly mitigated because the other man doesn't look angry and he has his other three fingers tucked completely into his palm so there isn't any chance of him slipping. 

"I don't," Shigaraki says, his voice a low rumble that Dabi has never heard out of him before, "Have a problem with blood. My problem," he moves his fingers up Dabi's chest to his chin, dropping his middle finger so he can catch his chin between his thumb and forefinger instead, thumb swiping through the bloody tears that were about to drip. "Is that I really like to make pretty little brats like you cry when I put them in their place, and you're very distracting like this, firefly." 

The amount of whiplash that Dabi receives in all of five seconds as he is made to confront the fact that: 1. Shigaraki has a crying fetish. 2. Shigaraki is not a bumbling virgin. 3. And Shigaraki is a top, which might actually break his brain. It, in fact, breaks it so badly that Dabi's immediate defense mechanism kicks in. 

"Oh yeah? Whatchya gonna do about that, boss?" 

Which, he may realize about half a second after the words are off of his tongue, could constitute as 'asking for it'. Certainly doesn't make it seem like it's out of nowhere when Shigaraki holds his chin tight so he can bring their lips together in a rough kiss that absolutely steals Dabi's breath before his other hand is catching the edge of his coat in four fingers and the scrawny fuck is proving he's got more muscle than Dabi thought he did by hauling him around and pushing him back down on the bed. 

"Red for stop, Dabi. Otherwise all I want to hear out of you are sobs." Shigaraki speaks as he pulls on his sleep gloves. 

Dabi really hopes he's not blushing as the other man climbs down on the bed with him, caging him in against the mattress. "The door--" He was looking for a way to dig himself out of this hole without showing how inexperienced he is with a hookup when the person actually wants him without either of them being plastered, but Shigaraki doesn't miss a beat. 

"No one's going to walk in, firefly. They're gonna be able to hear you crying and begging for more from halfway down the hall." 

He is going to completely blame it on the quirk when those words make his skin hot and a soft, needy sob slips out of his throat as Tomura leans down so he can lick away a track of his tears with a growl. 

Thanks for participating! If you'd like to join in, consider checking it out here!

[brucewaynehater101]

They 100% named themselves Drakes just to snicker internally whenever someone calls them that like, "you're so close, so *so* close but not quite dear." As for if he comes back to life or not, I was thinking that he comes back at the expense of his own feathers and it's one of the few ways to kill a Phoenix. If he is killed, one of his larger flight feathers (either wings or tail) will burn up and he revives with the injury fully healed. Something that would be fatal given time (such as a slit throat that causes them to slowly bleed out) would cost him one of his downy feathers. They can use multiple (3 to7 depending on severity) downy feathers instead of one flight feather. The bigger the injury, the bigger the feather needed to recover from it. If you strip a Phoenix of all it's feathers and *then* kill it, it will stay dead.

Tim has 100% nearly or actually died on patrol multiple times, but his hidden feathers brought him back. This is part of why he can never tell his family. Could you imagine the fall out of him saying, "yeah, if I wasn't a Phoenix, I would have died on patrol and missions at least 14 times"? That shit would not end well for *anyone*, least of all Tim or Bruce.

As for if they can hide as humans, oh boy do I have a juicy idea for that which has to do with Tim's emotional repression. Everyone who knows about them knows they can hide as humans on one condition. Phoenix are know for their tempers and when they loose it and start screaming and fighting due to anger, their wings instinctively pop out to help them because they're just *to angry* to even consider holding the glamor. Tim was taught at a very young age that loosing his cool could mean death, or something so, so much worse than death. Tim can't get angry with his family, he can't have screaming fights with them, he has to regard them with almost cold indifference when they argue, giving no more reaction than an angry huff or pinching his brow. He can't scream or swear or punch like they do when they get mad. He doesn't have that option. Because if he does, if he does let go and tear into them for everything they have ever done to him, he is going to flare his wings in an attempt of an intimidation display and they will *know*.

Damn. Tim having to repress his emotions not just because that's what he was taught from a young age and it's never emotionally safe to do so. There's that plus the added stress of his actual survival being contingent on his ability to repress emotions.

There are a few side effects to him constantly suppressing his emotions. One, he wouldn't be able to feel happy emotions as deeply either. If he fully felt happy and relaxed around his loved ones, he'd switch into anger/hurt more easily. Obviously, he can't do this. Two, he doesn't allow himself to be hurt by what fucked up things happen to him. Three, he has a harder time connecting with people. People tend to see his emotional distance as a lack of care/love. That's not true, but he struggles to outwardly express his emotions.

I like the ideas you put for Tim healing and the added angst of why he doesn't tell his family what he truly is

[crookedkryptonitebeliever]

Tw: hate crimes, transphobia, pretty traumatic things Yves went through in his youth, body modification, violence, gore

Yves had breast augmentations before.

He had never truly identified himself as a woman, but he liked how certain dresses would look on him if he was well-endowed up top. He felt pretty and content with how he looked in front of the mirror after years of severe self-hatred.

It allowed him to bring back a bit more cash, but this wasn't his main motive to go under the knife. In fact, this observation disgusted him. Yves purely wanted a larger chest because it personally made him happy in his bleak bubble.

Though, it wasn't worth the sudden uptick of harassment and maltreatment from others around him. Men would predictably attack him every time he blinked, act entitled towards his body, and fucked him over in more ways than he could count. As if there was a massive bullseye target was painted onto him after he graduated from no bra to a C cup.

But what surprised him was that the women degraded him much worse than the men. They used to be indifferent to him at best, silently disgusted at him for being effeminate at worst. But as soon as he showed up with a feature that brought him closer to passing as a Cis woman, Yves lost almost all of their neutrality. Sometimes, they would set him up to be harmed by other men. Their hatred for Yves wouldn't be discrete anymore, they would call him hurtful names and slurs, accusing him of being a depraved sexual predator, even get into vicious physical fights with him, and end most nights with clumps of ripped hair and blood.

It was dangerous to reveal that he perceived himself as male while looking how he always desired to. So he lived a good chunk of his life under an identity that doesn't match how he felt inside. Yves had to train his vocal cords to sound feminine enough to not attract any more negative attention than he already had by existing somewhat authentically. He likes accessories that cover up his Adam's apple while flattering his form, Yves also likes styling his hair so that it takes the attention off his masculine features; covering his jaw and concealing his neck.

It was only when he caught himself in a particularly horrible altercation that his implants ruptured, spilling its silicone contents into his body and poisoning him slowly. But that wasn't as horrible as when he limped to the mirror right after merely escaping being beaten to death. He could ignore the wounds, bruises, and swelling, those can heal.

Yves was reduced to tears when he saw that he was ugly once more. His breasts were deformed and strange lumps started appearing elsewhere on his battered body. He couldn't afford to remedy it and neither was he mentally strong enough to handle the torment he was to face the following days. All his beautiful clothes are simply a reminder that he's a freak, an abomination of nature so atrocious, that the world tries everything in its power to kill despite Yves doing nothing except existing.

He swapped his stylish and gorgeous tops for baggy sweaters and turtlenecks. Anything above the shins was thrown out, likewise for clothing articles that revealed more than his face and hands. Gone, all of it must go. With a heavy heart and eyes puffy from incessantly crying, Yves burnt them all.

Yves was powerless back then. If the world didn't think that he deserved to wear it, then he simply had no right to. And he hated it, they made him feel like mere dirt no matter what he did. He couldn't do anything for himself without being unfairly punished for it.

He has moved on from that stage in life. He had matured and found peace within himself. Yves had fixed himself and he had learned how to let go. It's been a long time, the details are hazy to him now, and that is probably for the better.

But only if you knew what he went through, you would understand that he wasn't vacantly staring out of disapproval when you told him you wanted to have breast augmentation, just like he did when he was a fucked up young man. The long period of silence coupled with his empty emerald eyes unwaveringly trained onto yours wasn't due to judgment of your desire, but it was to manage whatever the fuck you dug back up he buried inside him by asking that one damned question.

After an uncomfortable pause, he would seemingly snap out of it and go ahead to tell you about all the risks that might come with it. In the end, he appears neutral, even supportive of the idea if he deems it beneficial to your self-esteem. All this while, you would never know about his own experience with it, Yves doesn't see the need to disclose it to you.

He had learned to let go of the past, making him see everything through an unbiased lens. You are not him, and you will never go through what he had to.

Yves makes sure of it.

[tossawary]

So far (partway into the Hueco Mundo arc, I skipped the Bount arc completely), "Bleach" seems to... shy away from interesting consequences for the issues it directly brings up. (Also, oh, man, all the filler varies in quality so much and it is BRUTAL on the pacing of the main storylines.)

Like, I think a lot about the Soul Society arc had a lot of missed potential in general, but I also thought the end of it is where things get genuinely exciting. The Gotei 13 has been repeatedly shown to be uncaring, incompetent, cruel, authoritarian, etc. and it seems like the characters are fighting against this hollow structure built on unsustainable tradition finally cracking under the weight of whatever unjust powers are obviously behind Rukia's execution and apparently Aizen's murder. Multiple captains start turning against each other for different reasons. It seems like Ichigo is just one small part of a much larger world.

And then Aizen is revealed and things still feel pretty delicious! What he did to Momo was REALLY fucked up and painful to watch in many ways. It's not unreasonable that Aizen's betrayal immediately halts a lot of ongoing fights. It makes sense that the Captain Commander doesn't want to turn around afterwards and start executing people for turning against him after losing three captains and all of Central 46. But... I would still expect there to be more lasting cracks and broken trust between the remaining members of the Gotei 13. The top four members of Squad 11 briefly turned against the Gotei essentially for funsies and yet characters like Toshiro and Rangiku don't seem to have any real resentment or suspicion over this casual disloyalty. I vaguely hope the psychological weight of and anger surrounding Aizen's fuckery is explored more later on, with more seriousness, but I can't trust this show not to essentially drop the issue completely.

I don't need this show to have Soul Society turn into some socialist / communist / anarchist utopia. But it is a downer to have a character as absolutely vile as Kurotsuchi thrown in my face during his fight with Ishida, knowing that not only does Kurotsuchi survive, but he's presumably continuing his utterly inhumane work in the Soul Society while everything else is happening. And the show seems to treat him as more of a joke mad scientist in the background than someone as or even more evil as any of the hollows. And I can't fully trust that this aspect of the Soul Society will ever be honestly confronted, even as simply a deeply tragic element representative of the Gotei's unchanging hypocrisy.

The Gotei 13 has an assassination squad! You don't have an assassination squad unless you're regularly killing people who are "undermining" your power, probably including lots of poor people in the outer districts trying to organize communities, based on actual history. These aspects are what made the soul reapers such effective and complicated antagonists in the Soul Society arc! And the flip to "yeah, they're Ichigo's allies now, mostly" was very sudden and kind of... underwhelming.

I don't care if parts of this story are tragic and this obviously broken system is left mostly unchanged at the end, it's just annoying when the story treats certain aspects as happy endings or just a funny joke, instead of delving more seriously and deliciously into just messed up everything is! How the soul reapers are unable to handle the burdens here!

From what I vaguely remember overhearing, Aizen ends up being a relatively flat villain, with relatively shallow goals and motivations regarding taking over the worlds and rising to godhood, which feels like missed potential when there's so much about this world that sucks! If Aizen had any honest motivations about making things better for any group of people, including hollows and their shitty deal in all this for example, then we might actually have a more interesting dialogue happening about the state of everything. I would like to see him honestly appealing to Orihime's kindness and sense of mercy in order to get her to join him. Her brother turned into a hollow! She has reasons to care about hollows potentially wanting to be more human again and living better afterlives than fighting forever in the sands. Maybe Aizen could just be lying about helping other people, but it would be more interesting to see this type of persuasion, and I'm already fucking sick of so much of Orihime's motivations focusing on helping Ichigo instead of her feeling torn about her tragically and traumatically dead brother who turned into a hollow.

(Side note: I don't fully understand why Aizen didn't just take over the Gotei 13. Between his hypnosis and his minions and his plots to take out rivals, he could have surely installed himself as the next Captain Commander eventually. Neither Ukitake (chronically ill) nor Kyouraku (relaxed drunkard) seem to honestly want the weight of that position. Aizen just seems to like drama, I guess. Fair enough.)

I've just reached the fight between Rukia and Aaronerio who is pretending to be Kaien, and it feels like the story is bringing up a genuinely cool idea only to throw it aside as a trick by a relatively boring hollow character. What IF Kaien had become a hollow? What IF Kaien had joined Aizen because he had some legitimate grief with Soul Society and the Gotei 13? I have vague memories about Aizen having Kaien killed and framing the Shiba Clan because Kaien was investigating him, but it's sooooo boring to have Aizen be at fault for EVERYTHING. The fallen lieutenant / almost captain from a disgraced noble family treated badly by Soul Society... turned into a hollow and forced to survive tragedy he wanted to kill him and unable to return to the Gotei 13 for help? Joining up with Aizen because he wants to take down the Soul Society and make a better world? That's COMPELLING. That's COMPLICATED. That's something that promises to get MESSY if Aizen is lying to Kaien and/or Kaien has genuinely lost his way and/or Kaien HAS A POINT. But the show brings it up only to bail on the concept.

Maybe some of the things I've talked about here will be brought up later on. I expect them to keep bringing up many of these issues, actually! I honestly just don't expect satisfying explorations and resolutions to anything, given what I've seen so far. They're just not going for the good stuff.

(I have this playing in the background while working on other stuff. If I put on a better anime, I would actually want to pay more attention to it.)

[avatarofthetired]

Monthly mechs wrap up (wanted an excuse to ramble about mechs)

Lots of ramblings under the cut!!

Okay so mechs wrap up as in favorites and such

I may be biased due to what I’m currently listening to, but whatever

Favorite Album

So my current favorite album has got to be OUATIS because it has an overall great vibe with the music itself, it has Nastya present in the story, what more could you ask for? And also it has that SoundCloud live version with alternate roles and that absolutely fucks

But that’s my all time favorite, that’s always my favorite and probably (?) always will be, so I’m also going to give honorable mention to HNOC, its most certainly a love hate relationship depending on the day, but at the moment I’m loving it. It features some of my absolute favorite voices (Raph and Ashes), features a lot of Ivy on trumpet, has a fun little vibe, a solid story, and a tube sun! A lot of the songs from that album right now are favorites, so we take it

Favorite Mechanism

Okay so this one is always really hard, so I’m just going to do my top three in no particular order except that’s really hard as well but okay

So we have Ivy, she’s such an interesting character, her fiction makes me quite sad but also very intrigued you know? She also just has such style, in in love with the academic type style it’s lovely, and on the topic of academics she’s a bookworm and archivist!! (And Morgan himself I believe is a reader which is awesome). Her lines in the shows are always my favorite spoken bits too, especially Saturday DTTM “and now, unless you want us to sing…” *crowd screams yes* “see we like these ones”

Then Nastya, she’s definitely a character of all time. I agree with Kofi when they said that Nastya is probably the most developed character, I love it. Cyberian Demons is such an incredible song set on its own as well, and her backstory puts me in such pain. The “they were never meant to start a fight” goes so hard with the way she said it idk I mean this probably relates to her actor better but still. She’s like a tired older sister/carer role person in Lashings and it’s an absolute mood. She’s also very pretty

Ough who do I put here, do I put TS for its absolute wonderful madness, do I put Raphaella for her voice and her outfit and her WINGS, do I put Tim for his raw anger and energy (and goofy vibes), do I put Ashes for being both badass and terrifying, do I put Marius for his silly, larger than life personality and hidden sorrow, do I put Brian for his drum, banjo, everyotherinstrumentheplays skills and compelling backstory, do I put Jonny for… Jonny reasons, WHO DO I PUT?

Okay fuck it we’re only doing top two

Favorite Liveshow

Gotta be either Gender Rebels, Lashings, Revenge of Port Mahon, that one SoundCloud one I forget the name, or Saturday DTTM shit that’s a lot more than one uh

At the moment I’d say it’s Gender Rebels for the pure chaos that comes with Tim being the narrator (nastya punching Tim away from the mic is dear in my heart as well)

I think I just like the shows where the crew has to make do without Jonny because a few days ago my favorite was certainly lashings, probably because of the absolutely wonderful song lineup (rocket girl <333), the presence of Carmilla, the fact that Jessica was making up most of TS on the spot or the night before (TS used to have a wind up key!), and Nastya and Ivy focus of course

But yeah all of them are peak I have watched and listened many times

Favorite Song(s)

From each album of course there’s no choosing an overall favorite fuck that

OUAT(IS) - I absolutely love the whole album, I was going to say I love the second half but I think I just don’t like once/old king Cole as much as the others, but yeah the “second half” is peak, I think my favorite is either The Aurora Strikes (yes, the spoken track, it was the first one I memorized okay) Sleeping Beauty, or No Happy Ending, the vibes are immaculate and both of them just hit so hard, make me feel like fighting God

UDAD - This is a tie between Ties that Bind and Underworld Blues, because Ties is a Raph song and it’s just a lot of fun I really adore the rhythm of the chorus, and because Underworld Blues is such a SONG like HOLY SHIT they all get some singing time and it rocksssssss. Wait actually I forgot about Torn Suits them all singing over each other is absolutely fire never mind paragraph cancelled I love Torn Suits that’s it

HNOC - this may be the hardest one actually, picking my favorite out of Empty Trail, Hellfire, Blood and Whiskey, Skin and Bone, and Holder of the GRAIL feels impossible, I’m going to say Holder of the GRAIL is my favorite at the moment though because the captain is literally just a little guy it’s adorable and so sad :(((

TBI - fuuuuck uh okay we’re splitting this up into two, first half I gotta say Losing Track, hearing them all sing together and Odin go “mah train :3” as they’re all being so serious will never not slap, but also Loki and Sigyn and Red Signal and Expert Testimony exist but we’re saying Losing Track, and second half is definitely Ragnarok II The Calling because of “COSMIC MADNESS REIGNS” as well as the Tim/Raph overlapping singing it’s incredible

Oh I forgot about the Tales

TTBT I - Tim 👏 Goes 👏 Crazy 👏 no explanation, no questioning, that’s the answer

TTBT II - I can’t not say lost in the cosmos, it’s an incredible song so pretty and melancholy, Alice is also awesome it’s kinda haunting and creepy and off and beautiful

Favorite Quote

“Everybody, the music is broken. There is no more music” I quote this much more than I should, yesterday I was playing Minecraft and it glitched and without thinking I said this. Perplexed Nastya my beloved

Honorable mention to “GENDER IDENTITIES!” because yes tim, there were in fact gender identities present, well done

Reblog with your own (/nf) I want to see general mechs opinions pleaseeeee

[milkywaydrabbles]

can you do a part 2 on Ran's ff please :) how Ran and the reader start dating someone and always end up fighting with other people or things against the law and how one day Ran shows up at the reader's window saying she wanted to do something crazy and have a "love elopement" (I hope you understand, English is not my language)

A/N: nonnie you have made me so happy asking for a part 2 because I can't stop thinking about this man but I couldn't keep yelling into the air about him OMG. Here it is! I love him!

Part 1 of meeting Ran here! (Song that inspired it here)

“Happy anniversary, baby~”

The gang member sweetly kissed your cheek, holding onto your waist in your now shared bedroom. You sighed happily against him, turning to return his kiss fully. “Happy anniversary, babe.” You whispered against his mouth, hand playing with his purple locks of hair. The clock barely struck midnight when he turned over to look at you and tell you first thing about your anniversary. It’d already been a year since you two started dating, barely six months in before you moved into his much larger penthouse and barely eight months when he asked you to stop working and let him take care of you fully. Your entire relationship was based off ridiculous and seemingly insane decisions that could have blown up in your faces at any given moment. How it hasn’t yet, was a surprise to everyone else around you. 

You two though? You simply shrugged. It was meant to be.

Visions of the first night of meeting him flashed in your memory: meeting up with your sweet friend and her not-so-sweet boyfriend. (You liked him, really! But he was an absolute ass to everyone around him except her. You could respect it.) You weren’t expecting anyone else to be with the couple, even though you vaguely remember your friend talking about ‘meeting Rindou’s brother’--you didn’t really think anything of it. Instead you came face to face with Ran-someone who did deeply resemble Rindou, except a bit taller and much more your type. You tried to introduce yourself the way you always would, with a friendly enough smile (can’t let them think you’re soft) and a handshake. Except he flipped your entire world on its axis when he picked up your hand and felt lips on your palm, smirk playing on his lips and eyes filled with excitement as he introduced himself to you. It was hard to breathe around him, and for the rest of the night you found yourself always looking around to see if he was close (he always was--you were sure he knew you were looking for him.) You remember a stupid joke you made about putting a gun to a man’s head if he ever cheated on you, and he fucking sprinted with it: grasping at your throat and asking if he could do the same thing to you if you ever cheated on him. As if you two were already together. 

The rest was history after that night.

You reminisced on all the times you stayed out way too late on a work night with him, drinking and laughing, feeling his body on yours. You thought of the times you both got in trouble at different bars and clubs, you ready to jump at any girl that had the fucking audacity to flirt with him in front of you. You tried, really you did, to give them a chance and back off. Ran would only ever laugh, turning his head to you with mirthful eyes, as if challenging you to back down. But when you saw them paw at his chest you couldn’t just stand around. You weren’t jealous, you trusted him with your life (probably shouldn’t so early on, but you digress) however you were possessive. 

And Haitani Ran was yours. 

You remember the feeling of being on the back of his bike for the first time, wind blowing in your face and how the excitement had you squealing, holding onto him tight and pressing yourself closer to his back. You remember how he went faster after you held on tighter, and you couldn’t find it in you to care. You remember letting him fuck you on his bike after the ride, covering your mouth with a gloved hand and him whispering to ‘keep it down, the neighbors will hear baby’. You thought of how good he felt inside you for the first time, feeling like his cock was made to be inside you--how he molded your pussy to be his and only his. You ruined each other for other people, no one else could ever compare now. 

You remember how he told you he loved you after month three. How he had you up against his bedroom walls, fucking up into you with vigor and licking at your mouth. How he held you so tightly as he came, carrying you to his bed and keeping you close to his body. You remember how he whispered ‘I love you’ when he thought you were asleep, nuzzling into your hair. 

You told him you heard in the morning during breakfast. You said it back.

You remember when he told you what he did for the first time. You thought he was joking, rolling your eyes and pushing him away. You remember how he didn’t joke with you, not smiling in your direction when you laughed. You remember how he fidgeted in his seat, scared to death that you’d freak out, that you’d leave him after finding out. You grabbed his hands, brows furrowing, saying ‘if you’re fucking with me I’ll fuck you up, Ran. Are you serious?’ You remember how he nodded, grip on you tightening. Asking you if you would come with him, to meet his boss, meet Mikey, how you had to if you wanted to be with him. Initiation of some sort, he said. ‘Rin’s girl did it.’ your memory replayed, ‘She had to. To be with him. Do you...want to be with me?’ 

You met Mikey the day after, and luckily survived with no more than hyperventilating in Ran’s car afterwards.

You remember the day he asked you to move in with him. All your stuff was practically there anyways. You started to look for a new apartment, your lease up soon. You wanted to move closer to him, even if just a little bit--the area he lived in was way too rich for you. But if you were in the neighborhood over, that’d work just fine too. He rolled his eyes at you, closing your laptop when you were looking at places, and offhandedly stated ‘it doesn’t make sense for you to keep paying for another place. I own mine, remember? Just move in with me.’ It was stupid suggestion, you knew that, just six months into the relationship. But you couldn’t think of a reason not to (you’d have no place to stay if you two broke up, you’d have to move right away, you’d have the stress of finding a new place--endless possibilities, really.) 

So you packed your essentials (and trinkets) and sold the rest.

You remember how good those two months were, but how you hated that your work schedule got in the way so much. Stupid, demanding job, taking you away from the blissful mornings you had with him. There were days you’d only see each other early morning when you got ready for work and late at night when Ran came back from a hit job. You remember how frustrated he got whenever you got up, trying so hard not to show it but it was hard not to when he was so cranky in the mornings. ‘This is fucking stupid’, he grumbled, pulling you back into his arms. ‘You don’t need to work baby. I can take care of you. Quit your job.’ You actually cackled at that, pushing him off and getting ready as normal. That was stupid, and you knew that was a bad idea. But when you turned to kiss him before you left your heart nearly broke. He stood there so sad, holding your face so gently, a faint blush creeping up from his exposed chest. ‘I’m serious, princess...let me take care of you. Really.’ He whispered, unable to look you in the eyes. 

You quit your job that day.

He brought you back from your memories with sweet kisses across your face, pulling you into his lap as he sat up on his mattress. “What do you feel like doin’ for our special day, baby? Anything you want.” He’d always give you anything you wanted, no matter what you asked. You hummed, massaging his shoulders and you made yourself comfortable straddling his thighs. “Dunno, something crazy maybe.” You said mostly offhandedly, but when you saw him cheshire grin you knew he already had something planned. 

“Crazy huh...marry me, then.”

You blinked, stopping your movements while you just...stared at him. “Ran...what?” He shrugged, rubbing your thighs with a smirk. “Marry me. You said you wanted something crazy. That matches us, right?” You couldn’t believe your ears. This was actually the mostly insane thing he could have asked. Not the moving in, not the quitting your job, marriage after a year? There was no way he was being serious right?

...Right?

So you played it off.

“You know I’m not saying yes to a proposal without my dream ring, Ran.” You teased, though your heart was in your throat as you spoke. Trying to keep it lighthearted. If you really thought about it, you knew it was a stupid idea. But you loved him. And he loved you, you were good for each other. Making stupid, irrational decisions together for the rest of your lives, you’d thought about it already. It worked for you two. You were meant to be. And you figured out quick that you were right all along, because suddenly Ran was poking his hand into his nightstand, pulling out a little box that had your stomach dropping. Your breathing hitched, not saying a word as he opened it up, and showed you the exact ring you’d shown him time and time again. The one you swore up and down was your dream, the one you wish you’d have when you got engaged. You didn’t think he was ever really paying attention. You didn’t bring it up that much, but whenever you saw it you couldn’t help but sigh. 

And it was there, in your face, with Haitani Ran waiting patiently for an answer.

“What about now?”

You didn’t realize you started crying until his hand came up to thumb away the tears with a laugh. “You haven’t even answered yet!” 

You grabbed at his face and pushed your lips against his, pouring in all your love and affection to this absolute madman into the kiss. He left you breathless, and when you pulled away you could only sniffle and nod.

“Let’s get married then.”

“Crazy enough for you, baby doll?”

You nodded. “It suits us.”

[loopeyfluff]

Spiderman across the spiderverse thoughts and spoilers underneath read more. it's all just gushing, do not expect a proper review.

That. Was. Fucking. Insane. That was the best movie I’ve watched. Literally captivated from start to finish. WHAT AN EXPLOSIVE INTRODUCTION?! with gwen stacey and her drums? Such powerful animated movements, in fact ALL THE ACTION SCENES carried SUCH GOOD WEIGHT, made SUCH GOOD USE OF THEIR ENVIRONMENT, and were just generally so well choreographed! The first villain was just so visually stunning and animated, I LOVED his style. And the humour from the very start was just, on point. This entire movie WAS SOOOO FUNNY. IT WAS HILARIOUS! Hahaha the lego spiderman scene? How miguel was like, “you’re one of the best of us” XDDD. And omg the MAIN ANTOGNIST IS THE BAGEL GUY. I CANNOT. THATS SO HECKING FUNNY. HAHAHHWYWHAJABWHAJJAHAHAHAH.

Such a visually stunning movie man. Like the first one was amazing, but this somehow topped that. The ENVIRONMENTS AND WORLDS THAT WE EXPLORED WERE SOOOO BEAUTIFULLY CONSTRUCTED? Indian spiderman- just everything about him was hilarious- had such an amazing universe, just the layered upon layers of buildings and roads EVERYWHERE. omg HOBY??? I LOVE HOBY MAN. How earlier he was like, miles u gotta use ur palms too not just ur fingers, and then he was also very established to be an against capitalism and institution type man, AND OMG MY GUY AAAAAA HELPING MILES OUT!!!! WHEN NO ONE ELSE WAS DOING ANYTHING FOR HIM??? HOBY’S A REAL ONE GUYS I LOVE HIM.

MAYDAY WAS ADORABLE! Peter being such a doting father was so adorable and EVERYTHING. Like that sequence of him showing all the baby pictures to miles and gwen, and then when he told miles that he should HOLD THE BABY IT’LL MAKE YOU FEEL BETTTER!!!! And ofc it did XD THAT TRAIN FIGHT SCENE??? SO MANY MOVIES HAVE TRIED IT BEFORE, BUT THIS WAS THE ABSOLUTE SICKEST TRAIN FIGHT SCENE IVE EVER SEEN. Just the train BULLETING UPWARDS, and then the call back to the leap of faith?

AHHHH but also! So many wonderful computer screen background worthy shots within this film. I absolutely adored the way they kept having the spider people sit and hang upside down. It made so many visually stunning scenes! Like when they were going up the elevator,,, AND THEY WERE ALL UPSIDE DOWN!!! AARHEGEH SOOO COOOL!!!!

Oh man but that brief appearance of peni parker! SHE LOOKED SO TIRED :(!!! URGEGWHW WE GOT TO SEE SPIDERHAM AND SPIDERNOIR AT THE END BUT MAN I RLLY WISH I CUDA SEEN MORE OF THOSE GUYS WYHWHAHWUIAKjahauai!!1!1!?1!1!1 I was so happy when they finally appeared with gwens group of spider allies tho ; - ;!!!!!

Okay back to bagel guy, what a fun and hilarious opening and introduction? Hahaha trying to steal the atm machine and their whole banter, it was just so funny. Amazing introduction. I loved miles’ roommate too! I wish we got to see more of him haha.

Oh oh oh, I loved all of the impact frames in this movie, and also the speech bubbles and sound effects and other fun comic style things, but the glossary squares that kept appearing on screen??? AMAZING!!!! I would love to go through this movie again and just pause and read over everything! THE COLOURS WERE SOOOO GOOD IN THIS MOVIE??? THIS MOVIE REALLY STOOD OUT FOR ME IN IT’S PALETTES! SOME SCENES WERE JUST COMPOSED SO BEAUTIFULLY I JUST AYWHAHAHWUJAHAHAHAH!!!!

The plot twist at the end was so good. It was so well built up too, there were so many hints and what not but it only hit me when aaron showed up… the mom’s eyes being different, her not knowing who spiderman is,,, earlier when the screen got the WRONG DNA,,, and also just the different colour palette? So many good clues. I’m over here laughing at how anticlimactic the mom is taking the news, and then AARON SHOWS UP. And the revelation HIT ME LIKE A TRUCK MAN. IT WASN’T A JOKE.

can we talk about the amazing sound track and sound design for this movie??? I watched this in VMAX which is a cinema which had a larger screen and louder speakers, and wow, I WAS SOOO IMMERSED MAN. Not only does the music SLAP and match each new place so well, but it just adds so much to the viewing experience!!!!

This movie was an absolute masterpiece. Wow. Jesus. The first movie was like my favourite movie. But this somehow TOPPED THAT???? Insane.

[phantom-of-the-501st]

Thoughts on TBB 3x15

Here we go... one last time

SPOILERS BELOW THE CUT

Honestly thought I was going to be late to the episode but I actually work up at 8:01 am today so I am just a couple mins behind everyone else.

Am I prepared? Absolutely not.

Well that's an ominous noise. Always a good way to start 😰

The Kiner soundtrack is popping off as usual

I just need Hemlock to die

Indispensable? I'm not sure about that, mate. A lot of people have realised the Empire don't need them and I'm fairly certain you are on the list of people who can be ditched

Hahahahahaha the way the droid just starts looming behind her is kinda hilarious

OMEGA'S THEME 😭

Wrecker, bud, be careful...

Look at Omega sneaking around. She's so grown up! 🥲

ZILLOBEAST TIME

"Because that's exactly what I'd do" He's such a proud mum

THE WAY THE TROOPERS COME FLYING OUT OF THE FOG

"Clone Force 99 died with Tech`' well there goes my heart. I think this also explains why we haven't really heard the Batch theme since season 2. That theme was for CF 99 and if that doesn't truly exist anymore...

"It's what I deserve" CROSSHAIR DON'T DO THIS TO ME

"Echo's handiwork or Omega's?" "Omega's." I'M DYING

Omega's theme in this soundtrack is just 🤌

Oh great. We have a whole group of Clone Xs to contend with.

I just need all of the Batch together so that we can get the theme. I know I said earlier that we probably never got it because of a lack of Tech but I still stand by the fact that we deserve to hear it one last time.

These CX soldiers almost feel like a parallel to the Batch. One slightly larger, more hand-to-hand combat oriented soldier, one who fights with blades, a sniper, ONE WHO IS VERY TECH SAVVY 👀

WRECKER AAAAAAHHHH THIS IS NOT GOOD

NOT THE HAND

WTF?!

HELP

NO

THIS IS NOT GOOD 😰

Fuuuuuccckkk Echo's seen them down

"Causing chaos, Havoc 5?" HE'S STILL MAKING QUIPS IN THIS SITUATION I LOVE HIM

"Hey, kid. And... other kids." PLEASE 😭

"We'll meet you there" YOU BETTER DO

Echo and Omega teaming up is everything I ever needed ❤️‍🩹

Hemlock needs to die a slow, painful death

ECHO'S SPEECH FEELS LIKE THE SPEECH HE AND FIVES GAVE DURING THE ATTCK ON KAMINO I FEEL SICK

Rampart looking sus...

This feels like this isn't going as terribly as it could be and that scares me

Aw ☹️ bye, Nala Se. I never really loved you but it's sad to see you go

HAHAHAHAHA FUCK YOU, RAMPART

AAAAAAAHHHH ECHO GOT STABBED

You know what I said 2 seconds ago about it not being terrible? I think I spoke too soon...

YES WRECKER

I'm not liking the position Echo is stuck in rn. That stresses me out 😥

We're not exactly in top form but hey, an attempt is being made

ECHO BE CAREFUL

Soooo... I get the feeling CX-2 isn't Tech...

AW NO SCORCH

FUCK YES!!! Bye Hemlock 👋

THE LOOK ON CROSSHAIR'S FACE WHEN SHE HUGS HIM AAAAAHHHH

Tarkin is not going to be a happy bunny

Oop we got a Project Stardust mention

THE SHOW ENDING WITH THEM ON PABU??? LIKE AN ACTUAL SOMEWHAT HAPPY ENDING???

I'm crying

Actually sobbing

That shot of them all sat by the tree 😭😭😭

A FUCKING EPILOGUE KMN

I can't breath

SHE REMINDS ME OF PHEE AAAAHHH

GONKY!!! 🥹

OLD HUNTER?!

Omega is joining the Rebellion? 🥺

Crosshair, Hunter and Wrecker all got to live to an old age in relative peace I'm in so many tears rn

Okay but if Echo isn't with the others at this point then where is he??? PLEASE TELL ME HE'S STILL AROUND

TECH'S GOGGLES?!

I'm not okay on any level

Okay, so overall, I'm relatively satisfied with the ending. I also cried about as much as I would have done if they all died so my emotions are still all over the place. Do I think every question we had came to a satisfying conclusion? Not quite. But I think we tied up enough loose ends for me to be content.

And I'm happy they got a somewhat happy ending. Knowing that they get to live a life in relative peace makes me happy, and we know that Hunter, Wrecker and Crosshair at least make it another few years. Omega joining the Rebellion also seems apt. As an Echo girly I unfortunately don't feel quite as secure with where we left off. I don't have the same level of closure that I do with the others because we know that around this point in time, he isn't with Rex. But he also isn't with the Batch either. I hope we get to see more of him in future projects because I don't quite feel satisfied with this being the end of his story. He's doing too much for it to stop there.

Also... we were wrong about Tech. The level of delusion we carried throughout this season, my god. 😭 But it means I'm confused by some of their choices. The way they focused on being savvy with technology, the way he moves being similar to Tech, FUCKING DOMICILE??? Like, they have to have known that we would all go that way with our theories so why??? If it wasn't him they why was he written the way he was? I refuse to believe everything we thought was purely out of delusion. Does this mean I have issues with the way Tech's story ended? Yes. But overall I think the show wrapped up fairly well.

I'll try and drop some more thoughts later down the line once I've pulled myself together a bit, but for now I can say that I am content. Completely satisfied? Not really, but definitely content.

[electro-strike-zukka-time]

El sequel Part 1

Zuko rubbed his eyes which only caused them to hurt more. Ever since he left Sokka he hadn't been able to do anything. His mind just kept circling back to the hurt look of Sokka's face as he left. Try as he might to read the pile of scrolls on his desk his mind just came back to those blue eyes. So he ended up just lying on his bed definitely not crying

 Spirits Zuko loved him but he couldn't-

“ALRIGHT!”

Zuko sat up immediately as the doors to his room were kicked in. He looked over and saw Sokka walking towards him. “What the-Sokka what are you doing-” “After careful consideration of your proposal I have rejected it.” Sokka said, climbing onto the bed. Zuko stared at him “What? There was nothing to reject Sokka.” 

Sokka sat crossed legged in front of him “Too bad I reject it anyways” he said smiling. 

Why was he smiling? “Sokka I can't-” Sokka moved forward and hauled Zuko into his arms which was easier than normal since he didn't put up any fight. Gods he couldn't even stick to his decisions for even a day. It took a bit of finagling and tangling of limbs but eventually Sokka was situated with his back to the headboard and a bundle of Zuko in his arms. “Sokka what are you doing?” Zuko asked quietly.

“Gonna hold my boyfriend until he stops being a idiot

He is still calling me his boyfriend. “I’m not being an idiot”

He felt lips press against his temple and a small whine escaped him as he melted further into Sokka’s arms. This only resulted in Sokka’s smile growing much larger.

“Hmmm I disagree.”

“I-I was just trying to protect and make you happy Sokka” Sokka tucked his face into his hair and said “I know and appreciate the thought baby but did you consider what I wanted?”

“I-” “Ask me what I want, Zuko.” “What do you want Sokka?”

“I want to keep being with you Zuko cause no matter what the world or you throw at me, I can handle it. Because all of that is nothing compared to how happy you make me Zuko.” Zuko's heart was definitely going to burst at this point and a few stray tears had already started to slip down his cheeks once more.

Sokka lifted a finger to wipe away tears before continuing “And even when I travel, I will always always come back to you Zuko. There is nothing in the world that could keep me away from you

Zuko let out a small sob “What if I'm not enough for you to come back?”

“Did you not hear what I just said? You are always enough babe, you think I’m gonna let something as perfect as you out of my life?”

“I don't deserve you Sokka,” Zuko said, burying himself in Sokka’s chest completely. 

“Well too bad cause you got me,” Sokka kissed him once again, “spirits love have you got me.”

He had tried to push Sokka away, to tell him to leave. But Sokka had said no, had come back, told him he loved him and would never let him go. Zuko didn't deserve him in the slightest and Sokka had rejected that notion too.

“I'm sorry Sokka, I’m so fucking sorry.” Zuko’s words came out strangled as he started to hyperventilate.

“I know babe I know.” “I just wanted-” He could barely choke the words out as he tried his best to breathe and talk at the same time.

“It's okay love I understand, now just breath for me love” “See once again your putting up with my weird shit and-”

Zuko felt a hand press to his chest “It aint a one sided thing love I help you and you help me, but for now just breathe for me okay?”

They stayed curled up together for a while, Sokka kissing him every now and then and whispering all sorts of sweet things in his ear. Zuko didn't know how long they stayed like this but eventually his mind had stopped racing enough for him to speak once more.

“I love you Sokka” “I love you too, you big idiot.” Zuko chuckled, “Yeah I deserve that.”

Sokka smiled “So do I get to be your boyfriend officially again?”

“If you want to.” “Zuko,” Sokka said with a warning look.

“Yes, yes I know.” “Then?” “Of course you can be my boyfriend again Sokka”

Sokka shifted to kiss him fully on the lips and Zuko let himself get lost in it.

“Thank you for not giving up on this Sokka.” “I am never gonna give up on us Zuko, I will always be yours” “And you will always be mine.”

[willowser]

why did ex husband bkg and reader break up ? 😞😞😞

oh dear 🥺 i think it was just a lot at once for you both 🥺

i said this in the tags already, but — i think being a father really, really terrified bakugou. whether he knew he wanted kids or not, the finality in the fact that he was bringing a tiny human into the world to mold and shape is like ajfeuehwkq because he has his issues and his problems and his sensitivities and his traumas and he knows all about them, had them for a while. how that impacts you, i think even after your lil baby was born, he was still working on that. it's probably something he'll have to work on for the rest of his life, the way he copes and deals with his humanness.

but now he's got a teeny baby ? 🥺 one that will watch his every move ? 🥺 one that will learn from him, whether katsuki wants him to or not ? 🥺 you're an adult and the way in which katsuki affects you can be resolved a little easier, because you're a fully developed person, but a baby ?? oh god, i think he was fucking terrified LOL of course happy, ultimately, but this was something that was going to completely alter the course of his life from then on.

and having a baby is hard !! they get sick and scream and cry and it's exhausting, trying to keep up with them !! you come second, especially when a baby is so young, and that is a big change !! coupled with the fact that he's a top hero with responsibilities he can't ignore; there were many, many times when he had to go, you know ? a child couldn't take precedent over his career, even if he wanted it to and — i don't think he wanted it to ? i don't mean this as a negative, but i think there was (keyword: was) a time when he preferred being out on patrol, taking down criminals and working himself to the bone, instead of facing this monumental, inescapable change in his life.

being a hero is all he knows, it's something he's done for so long, and he doesn't know shit about babies !! and i don't mean this to say he totally abandoned you, but he wasn't always home and it's hard enough !! and you had to do a big chunk of it alone 🥺 and it's hard not to get resentful about that 🥺 you're both tired and frustrated and having to adapt and i think it was easy to fight and get distant.

it didn't happen right away, but i do think it was sudden, when it did. you probably asked him not to go to work at times — which was a hard thing to do — and he had to walk out that door and live with himself — which was even harder. i think you wanted time away because you were angry, and then the fight about the house began; he wanted you and the baby to stay, but you didn't want to sit there anymore without him; what the fuck was katsuki going to do with a four bedroom house by himself? it was a mess.

i think you were probably living separately for about a month or two — which put a larger strain on your relationship — before you requested the divorce. because it just wasn't working and i think you were hurt and katsuki was trying but wasn't communicating, which hurt more, and it just kind of imploded. and katsuki was like ABSOLUTELY. NOT — which only started another fight LOL

would not sign anything. would not even talk about it. wouldn't entertain the thought. he's angry because you're angry, he's yelling because you're yelling, your baby is crying and you're fighting over who is going to change him, where he's going to sleep for the night; why would he go with katsuki, when he can never stay home long enough to take care of him ? but if you want him to be around s'damn bad, why are you trying to keep him away ? it was a MESS.

it takes his dad talking to him to figure out what to do, as heart-breaking as that is. has to tell him that time apart might be what's best for the both of you, that holding on too tight might cause more pain than he realizes. it seems like the end, but — it doesn't have to be. you have the rest of your son's life, at least, to understand what you really want from each other, and it was better to preserve that in the safest way possible than to cause irreparable damage.

he only agrees on the condition that you see each other every week, taking the time to have dinner as a family. custody is a fickle thing and you're both more than happy to figure it out amongst yourselves — which you have, over time. it was finalized quickly, once he stopped resisting. once he decided to place his hope in the future alone.

[searchingforatrail]

complex megop opinions below!

Not necessarily positive or negative, just a very objective view of it and how fandom sees it vs. other ships with a similar dynamic. 

This isn’t ship hate, because it’s my OTP. It’s just a realistic look at MegOp spurred on by the fact that I tend to see people overlook the obvious issues for moral points. Meaning, I’ve run upon some sort of hate towards megastar shippers from  some megop shippers, usually with people accusing the former of being unhealthy and abusive, and i’m like, the latter isn’t? 

And not just the ship, but people too. 

I credit most of the great development and realistic approach towards a positive MegOp portrayal to fans, given that in most media we have of them, their relationship starts out great and disintegrates into one of the most tragic relationships of all time. Not only because they fall out, but because they hurt each other, drastically. Megatron, arguably more. Not only does he hurt Optimus, he targets him by harming those close to him. Whether it’s children or his closest friends, he personally hurts those around Optimus.  

In Prime, it’s arguably worse. Because it’s not just physical, but it’s psychological too. Especially during the Orion Pax saga. 

And the same could be said about Optimus to Megatron as well. Initially. Just in a different light. Optimus, a privilege mech, using his position and power to speak over Megatron, to dismiss his want to use violence and overthrow a government who abused him, etc., is a great example of an abuse of power. 

And I always stand by the fact that Megatron was 100% within his rights to want to use violence to hurt those who hurt him. 

In IDW both have an entire conversation about how badly they’ve hurt each other, Megatron flat out admits to wanting to hurt Optimus by hurting people around him. He knows what emotionally fucks with his closest friend, and proceeds to do it on a galactic level. Repeatedly. 

But people aren’t supposed to interact with megop shippers because they ship megastar? On the basis of abuse and/or an unhealthy relationship? 

What makes them different? A lot, i’m sure. There’s an arguably closer work relationship with Megatron and Starscream, the abuse is physical and psychological. There’s a larger power imbalance, and it’s over the span of a longer time. Starscream has less of a chance to fight back as opposed to Optimus, and the relationship between Megatron and Starscream is not always as equal as Megatron and Optimus’s. 

So it’s much easier to say “This is an unhealthy relationship”. 

But that’s canon. Shippers and artist work very diligently to change it, fix it, and write happy endings to it that end pretty well. They’ve worked to create complex endings to an abusive ship, very similar to how canon and fanon writers have done the exact same thing to Megatron and Optimus. 

But the bottom line is that both ships are very unhealthy. At least a a point. They don’t start that way, and they might not end that way, but a significant chunk of time, they are very, very unhealthy. And the even bottomer line is that fans work very hard to give it a healthier ending--both ships. 

And that said, I don’t understand the vitriol that comes from MegOp shippers to Megastar shippers, especially when both ships have similar dynamics. 

I guess the argument is that “well, one ship is more abusive/unhealthy than the other”, but you get in a weird space when you start to say one version of abuse is more valid than the other. 

And don’t get me wrong, there are stark differences between both ships. I do think Starscream is in a place where he experiences abuse more, but that doesn’t make Megop unhealthy or a morally superior ship. It doesn’t it any less hypocritical to add  “megastars dni/megastars get hit by trucks/i hate megastar shippers” on your profile on the basis of abuse or unhealthy relationships if you ship MegOP. 

I think it’s just dismissive of what both megatron and optimus go through during their time together, because their unhealthiness is acceptable. And that leaves a very sour taste in my mouth. 

So yeah, those are just my thoughts. I welcome another perspective, just be kind about it. 

And I love MegOp. Megatron and Optimus are my favorite characters. but I also know the ship is the most complex ship, imo, to date in transformers. and it’s not without it’s fair share of pain and agony. But why is their dynamic okay. why does it give is the right to be crappy towards other shippers who ship a similar dynamic to ours?