#that is how a hack does it JOSS FUCKING WHEDON you FUCKING HACK

[lightdancer1]

One of the bits I'm really enjoying with In the Company of Witches and Slayers:

The Tara Maclay of this AU does duplicate a few of Willow's canonical notes, namely the equivalent of Something Blue, and resurrecting Willow in the same way that canon Willow resurrected Buffy. I also, like in my other works, use the gift that Amber Benson left of the evil Tara with Andrei Kurgan's grimoire but in a way more like what canon thought it did but didn't quite.

Instead of the magic addiction thing Tara goes on the same power trip I treat canon Willow's Dark Willow phase as and from her POV she's a victim of physical abuse who gains the power to actually hurt Glory instead of being hurt by her (there's a bit of a theme that the two villains that hurt her worst in this canon actually vehemently dislike her AU counterpart because she actually literally hurt them and made them feel it). As with canon Willow her worst traits are the results of Black magic corrupting her and less as addiction and more like the One Ring.

This AU's Dark Willow, by contrast, is a long-standing problem of suppressed rage and a combination of multiple hits with a trauma nailbat for someone with reality warping powers which is an explosive combination....and in each case the idea that there ever really WAS a Dark Willow or a Dark Tara is rejected by both Willow and Tara for very similar reasons but staunchly believed by their friends.

And since it's an unreliable narrator effect here each is equally right and wrong. Black magic really is innately corrupting because it grants the power to twist reality on a whim without any concern for the consequences and as power tends to corrupt, absolute power tends to corrupt absolutely. Does this have the equivalent effect of DID or Bruce Banner becoming the Hulk?

At least in my stories at a Doylist level, no, but in that Watsonian level the contrast between a very powerful sorcerer in full 'My Precious' mode with the One Ring and their ordinary selves is so much like it that people without the arcane knowledge to understand it can be easily forgiven for believing that's what they're seeing.

It's also that good old fashioned Scooby double standard, too. Amy Madison in particular is 'Willow if reality handed her only the bad cards and none of the good ones'. This AU's Willow recognizes that and has sympathy for her within limits and keeps trying to appeal to her good side, which is a note missed with the canon Willow where they just forgot that Amy was one of her closest friends who turned to evil. And until the Twilight war Amy is seen in-universe through Willow's eyes but after it she's seen through the eyes of other characters and she's a murderous evil witch who tries to wield human sacrifice, blood magic, and is every bit as power hungry, petty, and jealous as her canon counterpart.

Equally since this AU's Willow is invincible unless she's facing foes capable of using her weaknesses (which naturally I tend to do precisely to add creative tension) her standards of threats are skewed and what to her is a nuisance is an existential threat to everyone else. Amy and Tara, unlike in other cases, are by no means weak, they are exceptionally powerful. Since Willow is the most powerful being in the *universe*, mystically, everyone else is second rate. Second rate to the most powerful being in the infinite expanse of a single universe allows massive amounts of leg room and Tara is the second most powerful sorceress in the entire setting and Amy the third.

And Amy, if she's not facing Willow or Faith with a friendly weapon that nullifies magic like the Scythe or Olaf's Hammer, is a murderously creative juggernaut who can and does steamroll multiple enemies at once with trivial ease. This is for the villains is Buffy on hard mode, the villains that last are more badass than their canon counterparts by default.

And where canon only hinted at the worst things Willow did indirectly and in a way where people can ignore it, which was IMO one of the most foolish things it did, because if you're going to go there, go all the way or not at all, this show makes it explicit and in a way that parallels Faith and Tara just as canon pairs Faith and Willow.

And just as with canon Willow these particular aspects are explicitly a case of 'Dark Side brain rot' and very directly NOT what the actual Tara would do, and it's one of the things that haunts her most. Where canon Willow never really had to face the consequences of her actions due to the bullet (and that too is one of the best reasons for the Tara resurrection storyline) , this AU's Tara very much does face them and grows into fully being the person she could have been. Much like how canon Tara made major mistakes and was the rare Buffyverse character allowed to actually grow and become wiser from them.

This is also why a couple of my other AUs hinge on 'Willow looks into the future, sees her canon path, goes 'Hell no' and rejects it and it turns out that rejecting it works but there are some steep prices for trying'. Essentially when the characters look at canon Season 6 they balk and go 'gross, no thank you' but this setting being what it is, it fucks them up with a different nailbat because it's the Whedonverse and his characters only get yea tier nice things.

[question-mark-umbrella]

Okay as someone who: 1) 10 is my least favourite Doctor 2) RTD is my least favourite showrunner, I am not at all excited about his return, and I hate his writing - his plots, his characterisation. Getting rid of the Time Lords, turning the Doctor into an angsty whiny cuntstruck paedophile, deifying him and using Jesus allegory. Fuck offfffff m8, that’s not Doctor Who. Everyone’s banging on about Tennant at the end of that last episode, whereas I’m like “okay cool, I literally don’t care. They brought back Tegan, Ace, Ian, 5-8, of ALL the things that happened in that special, that is on the bottom of my list, beneath even the “dress for the occasion” callback. Oh yeah, and 10 was there too I guess. Whatever. I don’t give a shit.” Plus for everyone who engages in the online discussion and isn’t like “omg noooo, spoilers” it was. pretty obvious she was gonna turn into Tennant, a lot of people had already come to that conclusion. And I am FINE with her being 10. It’s a stunt casting for the 60th, a way to draw in viewers (incidentally, people who dropped off after Tennant, but come back now - or people who drop off after ANY Doctor; Smith, Whittaker, whoever - are NOT Doctor Who fans. They are Tennant fans, or Smith fans etc. They have entirely missed the point of the show). Not only that, but introducing a new Doctor in an anniversary special, which traditionally are a way of celebrating the past, not exactly a good place for Gatwa to start, while it’s focusing on all the history. So yeah, I’m fine with having a little odd regeneration fuckery going on to bring back 10 for the 60th. It’s a fun little scenario that’s been touted in fan circles for years, “Ooh what if they do a story where the Doctor reverts backwards through past regenerations and they have to resolve it and get back to normal” and I like that idea, that’s a great idea. HOWEVER, it was announced AFTER the airing of The Power Of The Doctor that Tennant is 14, and Gatwa is 15. LMAO, nah Russ, he’s not 14. Get fucked. Everyone’s already gotten used to saying Gatwa’s 14. It doesn’t feel right saying he’s 15. It ESPECIALLY feels wrong saying that TENNANT is 14. Seriously, say the lineup to yourselves out loud. Peter Capaldi as the Twelfth Doctor, Jodie Whittaker as the Thirteenth Doctor, David Tennant as the Fourteenth Doctor, Ncuti Gatwa as the Fifteenth Doctor. Eurgh. It just feels dirty, doesn’t it to you? Ncuti Gatwa is the Fourteenth Doctor, ahhhh, now that’s nice, that suits him, that’s the right number. I suspect this may all be a publicity stunt, in the sense that actually these statements will be retracted down the line and that it’s all designed to play into the mystery, the appeal, the drawing in of viewers, hence Russell’s comments saying “Ooh how does it all tie in to Donna’s return?” I mean the way he looks at his outfit change, he’s surprised, so that’s no doubt a hint that he suspects some shenanigans going on. And the same way everyone thinks of Chibnall, that’s what I think of RTD; a hack, and I can’t help but have bad faith and assume it’ll be shite. I don’t revere him. I HOPE that, in a 60th, there’ll be other Doctors, and there’s obviously things filmed behind closed doors that we don’t know, the location filming was obviously only a limited part of the story. But what with it being RTD, if it ends up being just 10 back, well it’s not really an anniversary special if you only look back to one era, is it Russ? The era you happened to spearhead last time (Christ, what an ego. And people complain about Moffat’s holier-than-thou grandiosity. I do worry that fandom’s worship for RTD has, like Joss Whedon, inflated him to the point of delusion). So it may well be that this is, as we all suspect, an interim Doctor. But regardless, that’s what we should make him. Like the War Doctor, like the Fugitive Doctor. Because Tennant is NOT 14. Never. Gatwa’s 14. Call him the Fake Doctor, the Interim Doctor, the Technical Difficulty Doctor, the Interloper Doctor, the Glitch Doctor, the Locum Doctor. But Tennant. Is NOT. 14. That’s just that, Russ, no matter what you say. People won’t accept it.

[alirhi]

okay. let's do this shit.

Guess what, bitches? Mama bear's back and angry all over again. Remember when I said I might dive into a ragepost about how Bucky's treated after completing the one about Loki? This is it. This is the post. Welcome to fucking Thunderdome.

I will actually try to keep it civil. No promises, but I'll try. and I will not be accepting "constructive criticism" about my rage. Just so we're clear.

Got it? Good. Let's dive in.

In case you don't want to read the whole thing (I know I get wordy) here's what this whole post will boil down to: BUCKY NEVER HAD A FUCKING CHOICE. NEVER. NOT ONCE IN HIS ENTIRE ADULT LIFE.

Now, quick reminder: I don't read comics. I know nothing about Bucky's comic canon, except what Sebastian liked to bring up as often as possible during TWS/CW promotions: at some point, Bucky boned Nat. XD Since Bucky only exists as a Marvel property, I won't be bitching about other source material being disrespected like I did with Loki. This is all MCU, my dudes. And honestly? That's enough, because though we don't see nearly enough of Bucky for my liking, we do manage to get a rich, deep backstory to him in the material we're given, partly thanks to better writing in the early days of the MCU, and partly thanks to Sebastian Stan's phenomenal acting. Unlike the writers of the Loki series, Seb knows how to show, not tell. And gods, what stories those eyes show...

Let's start with the army. In an old post illustrating what an absolute BAMF Bucky Barnes truly is, I mistakenly said he enlisted, and a kind soul educated me on the incredible attention to detail Marvel used to pay - in this case, Bucky's ID number. 32557038. As this kind, eagle-eyed soul pointed out to me, the first two digits of that number - 32 - signify that Bucky was drafted, specifically from the NY, NJ, DE area (that last part is rather obvious, as Bucky and Steve are from Brooklyn lol). Bucky didn't choose to go to war. He was drafted. He was forced to fight, or go to prison.

Bucky was born in 1917, which means - again, as someone pointed out to me a while back - he came of age during the Great Depression. As a child, he would likely have seen his parents living comfortably and able to shower each other and him and his sister with gifts and fun memories, and then POOF. Stock market crashes when he's only 12-years-old, and life becomes brutal and painful. He manages to have some fun with his best friend Steve, and spends his teens/early 20s chasing girls and keeping his stupid, stubborn, tiny friend from getting beaten to death.

Steve constantly has something to prove. He's absolutely got what my mom always called "little man's disease", and Bucky's just doing his best not to roll his eyes too much at this asthmatic chihuahua constantly trying to beat up Tibetan mastiffs. While Steve keeps lying on his enlistment forms (an actual crime) trying again and again to get into the army and prove what a badass he is (definitely not), Bucky's had enough trauma and upheaval in his life and he just wants his stupid friend to calm tf down and live. Enjoy the fact that he doesn't have to go to war and get his limbs blown off.

And then he gets fucking drafted. This sweet, resigned realist who knows exactly how dangerous the war really is, is forced to put on a uniform and go fight strangers alongside other strangers thousands of miles from everything he knows. And on his last night of freedom, when he just wants to hang out with his friend, see some cool gadgets, and dance with a pretty girl, his stupid angry chihuahua friend feels the need to lie and try to enlist again.

Okay. Gotta get back on track. Ragepost about mistreatment of Bucky, not how much Steve annoys me. Sorry. Anyway...

Bucky's drafted, accepts his shitty lot with a brave smile, and is shipped off to Europe, where he is captured by HYDRA and presumed by the Allies to be KIA. Instead, he's strapped down, tortured, and given the HYDRA version of the super serum against his will. Steve rescues him, and Bucky knows he can't leave his idiot friend to his own devices to get his head blown off, so he dives right back into the fray. And then he falls off a cliff, loses most of his left arm, and is declared dead...again. This one's pretty damn valid, though lol. Without the serum no one knew he'd been shot up with, there is no way he would have survived that fall.

Here is where Bucky's story gets truly heartbreaking: His autonomy, his ability to consent is stripped from him through electroshock torture/brainwashing. The trigger words are conditioned into him during this process, and boom. Ten words in Russian, and Bucky Barnes is gone. Even the confused, hurting shadow of him is gone, leaving only a perfectly obedient killing machine, with Bucky's pretty face. He's strong as all hell, though, so they can't keep him fully under their control for long, not without more torture, when the disorientation of being fucking frozen wears off on longer missions.

I cannot stress this point enough, guys: Bucky. Had. No. Choice. Not like the draft, where his choices (go and get shot at, refuse and go to jail, or dodge and run to Canada) just suck. No, he literally didn't have a choice. He had his ability to choose stripped from him. If that's too complex a concept to really sink in, try this: His brain was fucking raped. Repeatedly. For decades. Nothing the Winter Soldier ever did was Bucky's fault. Nothing. Ever. Not remotely, no matter how you fucking slice it. Bucky is not an assassin. I almost said "not a killer", but he was a soldier, and a sharpshooter. He definitely killed when he was himself, but that was in a war, not a series of assassinations.

So far, imo, so good. This is just a rundown of Bucky's pre-show backstory. I don't love what he had to suffer, but I do love how it was treated in the movies. People were afraid of him, but when they knew the whole situation, Steve, Nat, and Sam rallied behind him. Natasha had plenty of reason to want the Winter Soldier dead; he'd tried to kill her multiple times and almost succeeded. Sam had no reason to help Bucky at all; he didn't know him, didn't trust him, and again, TWS had tried to kill him. But he stood by Steve, and when Bucky showed the clear difference between himself and TWS, Sam stood by him, too, and fought alongside him.

And it's very realistic, imo, that Tony didn't give a single fuck that Bucky had no choice. He watched this man murder both of his parents on tape. If TWS had killed my dad and I saw proof of it, I'd try to kill Bucky, too. Grief wins out over logic. Most emotions usually do. And that's a very important point we're going to come back to in a few minutes.

Bucky was really only in like ten minutes at most of IW and Endgame, and for multiple reasons I hate those movies, so I'm just gonna skip them, kay? Kay. On to the main event!

Here's where I get pissed off. Even if I didn't have an unhealthy attachment to this character, or the depth of appreciation for his tragic backstory that I do, the lack of continuity between the movies and the show alone would still piss me off. It always does. Don't even get me started on Joss "Continuity? What continuity?" Whedon and his (iconic, but flawed) shows. Ahem. Back on track...

Let me just get one little thing out of the way real quick: I fucking LOVE The Falcon and the Winter Soldier. I love it. This show amazed me when I first watched it, and I still love it after many more viewings lol. I have only ever watched it all the way through without skipping over as much John Walker shit as possible the one time lol but I love how Sam and Bucky interact, and I fucking adore how Sam's arc was treated. I just wish they'd show the same care and attention to Bucky.

Because what they did to Bucky in this show is a fucking travesty. There was a tiny ray of hope in the pilot, when he called out Dr. Bitchface for being a terrible shrink. I thought that would be the start of him realizing he needed to find someone else and ignore the damaging shit that woman was telling him. But...nope. No such luck.

The show really had a strong start, I'll give it that. We see Bucky having nightmares of his time as TWS and struggling to hide how his traumatic memories are affecting him as he tries to live in the world again. He befriends the father of one of HYDRA's victims, which can't be good for Bucky (and we're shown it's definitely not when he sees the shrine in Yori's home to his late son) but it's sweet, how he's trying to connect and reach out to someone who's hurting and lonely.

They drop the ball a little with the whole... Bucky can hack a fucking car, but can't figure out Tinder thing. Had they just run with the fandom interpretation of the tiger photos line, that it shows that Bucky is bi and left it at that, I'd have been okay with it (and no, that is not because I ship Sam/Bucky. it's because Bucky is and always has been a certified nerd who loves technology and has consistently shown very little issue learning to use new gadgets). The outdated flip phone he handed his terrible court-mandated shrink was a burner; I liked that theory when I read it, especially since it's the only time we see him even holding a phone that old lol. This all could have fit the "Bucky is a sassy bisexual nerd" narrative and it'd be okay. Instead, the director was like "NOOOOOO that line was just to show how old he is and how he can't figure out all this newfangled technology!" Woman, you had him remotely driving someone else's vehicle with a tablet. That is NOT a man who can't figure out a damn smart phone!

But that's just a minor annoyance. What fills me with absolute rage is how everyone - not just the shitty therapist who lashes out at and purposely triggers her traumatized patients, but EVERYONE - Sam, Zemo, people who should fucking know better ALL treat him like he's a psychopath and a ticking time bomb. Like he chose to take the serum and he chose to kill for HYDRA, and he's just seen the error of his ways. *barf*

Bucky in the movies is established to be a victim, through and through. His guilt over what he was forced to do is natural, and that he sees himself as a monster makes sense... but that doesn't mean it's correct. The one and only thing I ever liked about Steve Rogers is at least he got it. He pointed out that none of it was Bucky's fault, he tried to show him that he was worth saving. That's the other reason I refuse to talk about Endgame. This post will get a WHOLE LOT LONGER and a lot fucking angrier if I open that door.

Zemo supposedly knows everything about HYDRA and super soldiers... So why does he treat Bucky like he's a corrupt serial killer? (this, for the record, is why I don't like Zemo) Why does he never point out that Bucky was given the serum against his will, or that his actions, when he had control of them, proved that he was never corrupted? Bucky never wanted to become superhuman. Bucky didn't even want to fucking fight!

Sam, despite constantly resisting the label, is shown very clearly to be Bucky's friend. By episode 3, he cares. He worries about how Bucky is getting lumped in with the other super soldiers in Zemo's speech... But he never really defends him. He says "what about Bucky?" but he doesn't point out that Bucky's a good man, he's fought so hard to help people, he does everything he can to avoid killing... And that fucking speech in episode 5. I was with him on "you gotta stop looking to other people to tell you who you are." I was like "YEAH! Tell him, Sam! Bucky, you're WORTH SAVING, boo! Your value does not hinge on someone else's opinion of you!" And then... Sam dropped the ball.

He not only continued the disturbing pattern of victim-blaming in this show, and in Marvel/Disney properties in general, but he gave really dangerously bad advice! No one in their right mind, mental health professional or no, would EVER tell a traumatized former assassin (whether he was responsible for his actions or not) to go confront his victims' families out of the blue with no warning and no one to mediate and keep things from going to shit. Yori already knew his son had been murdered because he was in the "wrong place, wrong time." How is it being "of service" to tell him you're the one who killed him?! Remember how I said Tony's reaction to learning the full truth about his parents' deaths was valid and would be an important point later? Hi! Welcome to later. THAT is the natural reaction to facing the man who murdered your loved one(s). And even if Yori didn't get angry and lash out, HOW IS IT "HELPING" HIM OR BRINGING HIM "CLOSURE" TO KNOW THAT HIS FRIEND KILLED HIS FUCKING SON?!?!?! This man befriended him, bonded with him, watched him grieve... And now he's learning this is the man who caused all his pain and heartache to begin with? That is so toxic and psycho I just... I can't even... UGH.

And then there's the equally toxic and damaging "deeply traumatized person just needed a stern talking to and a hug to be ALL BETTER AGAIN" ending. I loved seeing Bucky happy and socializing, but it was too soon, and it was unearned. And it sends a fucking awful message to people actually struggling with PTSD, and to their loved ones who don't know how to help them. Heaping more blame on them and then hugging it out is NOT helpful!

This show could have been damn near perfect with just two changes. That's all. Just two. 1) Someone, anyone, bringing up the reasons why Bucky was never a villain in his presence. Someone being in his corner and reminding him, like Steve did, that it wasn't his fault and he's not going to "snap". 2) More time devoted to Bucky's healing. Actual fucking healing, not the shit they tried to pass off as a magic fix-all. He can have his happy barbecue moment, just don't frame it as "everything's great now!" Healing isn't linear, and there will be both good days and bad. Some of the most fragile people in the world have the brightest smiles.

If we get a season 2, which this amazing show absolutely deserves, and they address this stuff, all will be forgiven in my book. Expanding on his story and his journey toward healing will help to reframe that "happily ever after" garbage as something more realistic. But as it stands now... Fuck Marvel.

[theliterateape]

I Like to Watch | Zack Snyder’s Justice League

by Don Hall

Mythology is fun.

As a kid I loved reading Edith Hamilton’s book on the Greek gods and the myths. Hercules, Perseus, Apollo, and Hera—this fell completely in line with my love for superhero comics. The strangely petty human traits of envy, greed, and lust combined with the power to level cities make for some great storytelling.

Zeus was basically Harvey Weinstein in the retroactive revision we’re mired in today. If Harvey could’ve changed into a golden animal and boned unsuspecting ladies looking for careers in Hollywood I’m pretty certain he would. The gods and demi-gods of the Greeks dealt with daddy issues, mommy issues, bad relationships, and fighting. Lots of fighting. Sometimes for the good of humanity but more often for the glory of winning.

Zach Snyder is in the business of tackling myths and reframing them with a style all his own. His career has become its own myth.

From Dawn of the Dead (not so much a reboot of Romero's zombie mythology but a philosophical reimagining of the genre that arguably jumpstarted The Hollywood fascination with it), 300 (a borderline homoerotic take on the myth of the Greek underdog), and Watchmen (a ridiculously ambitious attempt to put one of the most iconic takedowns on the potential fascism of the superhero legend machine ever written) to his nearly single-handed hack at answering the Marvel juggernaut with Man of Steel and Batman vs Superman: Dawn of Justice, Snyder is in the artistic business of subverting and re-envisioning the mythologies we embrace without even seeing them as such.

Snyder's style is operatic. It is on a grand scale even in the most mundane moments. The guy loves slow motion like Scorcese loves mobsters and Italian food. When you're tackling big themes with larger than life stories, the epic nature of his vision makes sense and has alienated a good number of audience members. With such excess, there are bound to be missteps but I'd argue that his massive take on these characters he molds from common understanding and popular nomenclature elevates them to god-like stature.

Fans of Moore's Watchmen have much to complain about Snyder's adaptation. The titular graphic novel is almost impossible to put in any other form than the one Moore intended and yet, Snyder jumped in feet-first and created a living, breathing representation of most, if not all, of the source material's intent. Whether you dig on it or not, it's hard to avoid acknowledging that the first five minutes of Watchmen is a mini-masterpiece of style, storytelling, and epic tragedy wrapped up in a music video.

Despite a host of critical backlash for his one fully original take, Sucker Punch is an amazing thing to see. More a commentary on video game enthusiasm with its lust for hot animated chicks and over-the-top violence that a celebration of cleavage and guns, the film is crazily entertaining. For those who hated the ending, he told you in the title what his plan was all along.

The first movie I saw in the theaters that tried to take a superhero mythology and treat it seriously (for the most part) was Richard Donner's Superman: The Movie. Never as big a fan of the DC characters as I have been of Marvel, it was still extraordinary to see a character I had only really known in pages to be so fully realized. Then came Burton's Batman movies. The superhero film was still an anomaly but steam was gaining. Things changed with Bryan Singer's X-Men in 2000, then Raimi's Spiderman, and those of us who grew up with our pulpy versions of Athena, Hermes, and Hades were rewarded with Nolan's Batman Begins. A far cry from the tongue-in-cheek camp of the 1966 TV Batman, Christian Bale's Bruce Wayne was a serious character and his tale over three films is a tragic commentary filled with the kind of death and betrayal and triumph befitting the grand narrative he deserved.

I loved Singer's Superman Returns in 2006 because it was such a love letter to the 1978 film (down to the opening credits) but by then, the MCU was taking over the world.

Snyder's first of what turns out to be an epic storyline involving perhaps seven or eight movies was Man of Steel. It was fun and, while I had my issues with the broodiness of Kal El, the odd take on Jonathan Kent, and a redheaded Lois Lane, I had no issue with Superman snapping Zod's neck. Darker and more tragic than any other version of the Kryptonian, it was still super entertaining.

Then came Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice. By 2016, Marvel had codified their formula of serious characters wrestling with serious issues of power and responsibility peppered with lots of good humor and bright colors. Snyder's desaturated pallete and angst-filled demi-gods was not the obvious road to financial competition.

I'll confess, I hated it. BvS felt half-rendered. Lex Luthor was kind of superficial and played as a kind of Joker. The whole Bruce Wayne wants to kill Superman thing felt undeveloped and the "Martha" moment was just stupid.

When Joss Whedon's version of Snyder's Justice League came out in 2017, I was primed for it to be a turd and I wasn't surprised. So much of it didn't work on any level. I dismissed it as DC trying and failing miserably and was comforted by the coming of Thanos.

Following Thanos and the time heist was COVID. Suddenly, we were internationally sidelined and the movie theater industry caved in. Streaming services started popping up like knock-off smartphones and Hollywood was reeling, doing anything and everything to find a way back. Since Whedon's disastrous helming of Snyder's third act, fans online had been demanding to #ReleasetheSnyderCut but no one was ever really taking them seriously until all movie production was shut down for a year.

The stage was set to remedy a mistake (or at least make some bucks on a do-over of a huge box office failure). Snyder had left the production in part because of the suicide of his daughter and in part due to the constant artistic fights over executives looking for the quippy fun of the MCU but he still had all the original footage. Add to that the broiling accusations that Joss Whedon was "abusive" during the reshoots, the path seemed destined. For an additional $70 million and complete control, Snyder delivered a four hour mega-movie streamed on HBOMax.

Of course, I was going to watch the thing as soon as I could.

The Whedon version opens with an homage to the now dead Superman (including the much maligned digitally erased mustache on Henry Cavill). The SynderCut opens with the death of Superman and the agony of his death scream as it travels across the planet. It's a simple change but exemplifies the very different visions of how this thing is gonna play out.

Snyder doesn't want us to be OK with the power of these beings unleashed. He wants us to feel the damage and pain of death. He wants the results of violence to be as real as he can. When Marvel's Steve Rogers kicks a thug across the room and the thug hits a wall, he crumples and it is effectively over. When Batman does the same thing, we see the broken bones (often in slow motion) and the blood smear on the wall as the thug slides to the ground.

The longer SnyderCut is bloated in some places (like the extended Celtic choir singing Aquaman off to sea or the extended narrations by Wonder Woman which sound slightly like someone trying to explain the plot to Siri). On the other hand, the scene with Barry Allen saving Iris West is both endearing and extraordinary, giving insight to the power of the Flash as well as some essential character-building in contrast to Whedon's comic foil version.

One thing I noticed in this variant is that Zach wants the audience to experience the sequence of every moment as the characters do. An example comes when Diana Prince goes to the crypt to see the very plot she belabors over later. The sequence is simple. She gets a torch and goes down. Most directors which jump cut to the torch. Snyder gives us five beats as she grabs the timber, wraps cloth around the end, soaks it with kerosene, pulls out a box of matches, and lights the torch. Then she goes down the dark passageway.

The gigantic, lush diversity of Snyder’s vision of the DC superhero universe—from the long shots of the sea life in the world of Atlantis to the ancient structures and equipment of Themyscira— is almost painterly. Snyder isn't taking our time; he's taking his time. We are rewarded our patience with a far better backstory for the villain, a beautifully rendered historic battle thwarting Darkseid's initial invasion (including a fucking Green Lantern), and answers to a score of questions set up in both previous films.

Whedon's Bruce Wayne was more Ben Affleck; Snyder's is full-on Frank Miller Batman, the smartest, most brutal fucker in the room. Cyborg, instead of Whedon's sidelined non-character, is now a Frankenstein's monster, grappling with the trade-off between acceptance and enormous power. Wonder Woman is now more in line with the Patty Jenkins version and instead of being told about the loss of Superman, we are forced to live with the anguish of both his mother and Lois Lane in quiet moments of incredible grief.

To be fair to Whedon (something few are willing to do as he is now being castigated not for racism or sexism but for being mean to people) having him come in to throw in some levity and Marvel-esque color to Snyder's Wagnerian pomposity is like hiring Huey Lewis to lighten up Pink Floyd's The Wall or getting Douglas Adams to rewrite Cormac McCarthy's The Road.

I loved Snyder's self-indulgent, mythologic DC universe.

So much so that I then re-watched Man of Steel and then watched the director's version of BvS (which Snyder added approximately 32 minutes). The second film is far better at three hours and Eisenberg's Lex Luthor now makes sense. Then I watched Zach Snyder's Justice League a second time.

After nineteen hours of Snyder's re-imagining of these DC heroes and villains, I saw details that, upon first viewing, are ignored or dismissed, but after seeing them in order and complete, are suddenly consistent and relevant. Like Nolan or Fincher, Snyder defies anyone to eliminate even one piece of his narrative no matter how long. With all the pieces, this is an epic story and the pieces left at the extended epilogue play into a grander narrative we will never see.

Or maybe we will. Who knows these days?

[reaperkaneki]

one of my coworkers is really peppy and a ridiculously good salesperson and i lowkey cant stand her. all of us are nerdy cuz like, bookstore, but she unironically still likes firefly enough that her default response to how are you doing is oh i’m shiny. which is like fine if a little annoying bc firefly was fun and all but its been. like almost two decades. and also joss whedon is a hack and it wasnt as good as ppl make it out to be ANYWAY the reason why im uncomfortable with her is bc by default her personality is very pushy but also she Carries A Gun At All Times And Also A Knife In Her Back Pocket

and i super dont trust fucking anyone who owns guns, especially if its anything more than a small pistol for self defense. which she does. she really likes guns.

(also to be petty she kept like taking my equipment which its fine bc its not like MINE but also i gave it a name and i prefer having the one that i named. also also i find people who talk about how they Dont Get Drunk no matter how much they drink to be annoying. like good for you do you feel cool.)

[vadhnatta]

Justice League Rant

Have you ever been to a movie where you hoped it would be decent, despite assorted warning signs, but then you end up having a CinemaSins track running through your head the entire time as you slowly crush the empty box of concession stand candy and wonder if it actually is possible to murder a man with the force of sheer hatred, disgust, and a growing tension headache? Because that was this movie. I could have been sleeping. I could have been working on my projects due next week. I haven’t really seen many DC movies, or been invested in their world at all, but I saw Wonder Woman and loved it and Diana was featured prominently in the trailer, which looked pretty good, so I figured, hey, maybe they actually figured out how to make a good character and can keep this momentum going for a bit. It won’t be as good as Wonder Woman, but I could at least probably see Diana be a badass for a bit, and Aquaman looks like a decently amusing character. I saw a few episodes of the Flash TV series and that wasn’t awful. Maybe this will be okay.

No.

No it’s not.

I’m mostly waiting for the Excedrin to kick in so I can take a nap before diving back into a project with a program that has most of its documentation in Polish (which I do not speak), so this isn’t going to be a detailed or coherent meta analysis of all the points wrong with this film, or how I’m not sure there wasn’t a woman under the age of 60/over the age of 10 that wasn’t immediately sexualized, or how Joss Whedon should never be allowed within 30 feet of a woman apparently. But here’s a list of thoughts that went through my head while I watched this, for amusement and catharsis, because Wonder Woman was a fluke, Patty Jenkins and Gal Gadot both deserved better, and DC Comics is incapable of having nice things.

((Spoilers, obviously))

--I heard beforehand that there were four ass-shots of Diana, all added in by Joss Whedon, and I was hoping that was an exaggeration or not horribly noticeable, but yeah. I actually think there were more than four, but I didn’t count. 

--On the ass-shot note, at first I didn’t think Diana was wearing underwear under her skirt because we saw her ass cheek. Yeah. But she was. It’s dark blue. I know that because we saw up her skirt again, multiple times. 

--People tried to say the bikini armor was only in a flashback. No it wasn’t. They lied to us. We get to see Amazon warriors crushed to death under large stone gate things, straining to hold it up for their queen to run underneath it like that one bit from Prince Caspian, except with women in metal bikinis. 

--You know how the Amazons all had really cool armor that wasn’t super sexualizing based on actual ancient armor forms and construction techniques? Nope. Now they have similar highly-stylized banded chestplates like Diana’s, form-fitted around their boobs, and about half of those come in bikini form! Because variety!

--The Amazons can’t leave their island??? Um. But the entire reason they didn’t leave in Wonder Woman was because Hippolyta didn’t want to sacrifice her warriors for a war that wasn’t theirs, not because they physically couldn’t leave the island? So there’s an attack on their home, many warriors slain, and the only thing they can do at all is light a fucking signal fire??? They are way better than this.

--Did they actually kill Hippolyta’s wife/partner? Because that’s how that scene read to me. Fuck you movie.

--At least they didn’t actually destroy all of Themyscira. I’ll take my small victories there because I was convinced they were going to take my favorite part of Wonder Woman and burn it the first chance they got.

--How did they light this fire? Where was this temple? It’s obviously visible to the rest of the world, so it’s not on Themyscira. Was that a magic bow that could fire across dimensions? How could you aim it? I’m so confused by this scene. It’s one temple on fire, how did you know it would make the news and Diana would also happen to be watching the news when they ran that story, that’s hardly the biggest news story out there.

--So Diana had lightning powers. Or did the final battle of Wonder Woman not actually happen now. You know, the bit where she shot a giant lightning bolt thing out of her bracers. Vaporized a god. That. So, why the fuck is the only thing her bracer boosh move is good for now is creating a small shockwave to knock people back. It does nothing.

--Also, “we need an electric charge to shock the cube so we can activate the resurrection bullshit.” “Okay, so we need the Flash to run really fast down a hallway to build up electricity and poke the cube at exactly the right moment. That’s the best and simplest way to do this. I mean, it’s not like we have a literal daughter of the god of lightning bolts that has enough lightning powers to vaporize a god standing right next to us, where she could make lightning.”

--I thought the whole point of this movie was an Avengers-style team up where they actually worked together to take down the evil guy. But they just teamed up to bring back Superman, distract the bad guy long enough for Superman to show up, then Superman handles it. So. You just proved the point that you’re all worthless without Superman. 

--Rich isn’t a superpower, how are you not dead yet Batman.

--Batman is bitter/jealous/??? because Clark is more human than him for... getting a job and living a middle-class lifestyle when he didn’t have to? Bruce. You could do that. You too can put on glasses and go get a day job. You could give away all your money and go live on a farm and be a reporter or whatever. Like. That’s an option for you. Being rich isn’t a handicap.

--Aquaman I don’t care what you are or that you’re Legolas-surfing on a bug-orc, if you fall from hundreds of feet in the air, you die. At the very least your legs should be shattered. 

--Also, I have to agree with Batman on that one, you literally just brought a trident. You. You’re powers are water-related. Yeah, you have combat abilities apparently on par with Amazons, but. You couldn’t have steered this fight towards a lake? Brought some water with you? I feel like you could have been more effective in this fight somehow.

--I actually liked Aquaman for a good bit during this film. He came across kind of like Thor did to me early on, but with more whiskey and less ties to his home. I can totally get behind the vigilante merman defender of this town that rescues fishermen and hangs out at bars and randomly wanders into the ocean. He felt nicely reminiscent of old mythology stories for a bit there.

--But then the plane scene. Yeah, good points about how Batman doesn’t have a superpower, Flash is just tripping over his feet and slamming into walls all the time, and Cyborg may or may not be controlled by the cube things, or at least not have full control of his powers, agreed. But your point on Diana was “you’re gorgeous”, then increased rambling, leading into more rambling motivated by the lasso. You were actually doing okay, you didn’t need the sexist bullshit. It seemed like Atlanteans and Amazons fought, but still respected each other as powerful warrior cultures (at the very least, they seemed really similar), and she’s the one that’s actually shown the most effectiveness and power in fighting so far. So what the fuck.

--Did we really need the disparity between the male and female Atlantean armor. Did we really need the boobplate.

--Can Atlanteans not talk underwater? They live underwater. Do they need to create air bubbles every time they want to say anything? 

--What are Cyborg’s powers exactly? Anything electronic/machine related? Regenerating machine(??) body parts? Can he change his limbs into anything? Does he need fuel? What is his deal, idk. 

--”The plane won’t fly that fast (to get across the world in under a few hours).” Cyborg: “It will for me.” ...I don’t. That’s. That’s not how planes work. Or can you expand your entire body/infinitely-shapeshifting limbs to cover the entire plane so it won’t fall apart from higher speeds than it was meant to fly at. Can you just restructure the engines, or reshape the plane to make it more aerodynamic. Are you just going to merge with the plane and turn it into an SR-71 Blackbird. Is that the plan here. BECAUSE THAT’S NOT HOW PLANES WORK. YOU CAN’T JUST TELL IT TO GO FASTER BECAUSE YOU HACKED IT WITH MAGIC SHIT.

--Why is there an egg thing around the town for a few minutes. I don’t. Is that a bug thing? That’s not what the cube did in the flashback. 

--What’s with the purple tendril rock things? It looks sort of like the Crystal Dragon landscaping stuff from GW2. Idk. How that fits.

--So. I’m sure Superman can pick up a building and he’s strong enough for that. But. I don’t think that’s how buildings work? Like if you put the entire weight of the building supported by two hands in the middle, especially an apartment structure that large/wide, it’s probably going to collapse at the ends. Unless Superman also has magic forcefield building-holding powers, idk, maybe he does, what do I know.

--I’m really not sure what was going on with this bad guy, but he looked like a frost giant from Thor, mixed with the plot-line of Pitch Black from Rise of the Guardians. Literally both movies ended the same way. Also not sure how nothing seemed to hurt him, how does something get more powerful than all the armies, when did this become Lord of the Rings? Was he supposed to be Sauron? 

--How did they all just. Forget the cube. When Superman woke up. You just. Left the apocalypse-causing mcguffin in the empty plane. Unguarded. What. Did the DM just rush the party out of the room without letting any of the players say anything about taking the thing with them because he wanted to progress the story in a certain way? Because I’ve had that happen, that’s plausible, but. 

--Why was calling Lois to handle newly-resurrected Superman not the first plan? I mean, protect her, obviously, in case he has no memories at all, but. That seems like the obvious first plan. Wake him up, have Flash waiting to get her out of there quickly if something goes wrong and Diana standing with her (not with armor and sword and everything out looking ready for battle), and talk to him? Don’t immediately trigger a threat response because he’s disoriented and confused and why are battle-ready people staring at him?

--Why did Diana always need her sword to fight? She even jumped down the reactor thing to get her sword back. What’s so special about this sword? It’s not the Godkiller sword, that was destroyed in the last movie by Ares. So. It’s a regular sword, presumably. She has lots of them. Bring an extra.

--Also Diana can use other weapons. She trained with Amazons, she can wield all the weapons.

--I almost left to go to the bathroom during the final climactic fight. Because I had no investment in this film, and the only thing that kept me there was the last shred of a chance that Diana could at least do something cool during this fight. She didn’t. She swung her sword at the bad guy, which didn’t do anything, made a shockwave a couple times. She broke his axe after Superman froze it. Wow. 

--Is that really it? Was his power all in his axe? This really is Sauron.

--So did the cubes just vaporize when they separated? Didn’t happen last time. But we don’t see them anymore. So. Are they not a threat? Also “big power surge” on separation really seemed like it should be more than that. It knocked Superman and Cyborg back by a foot or so and onto their backs (also how did they both handle that the same way, I don’t care if you have magically regenerating metal, I’m pretty sure you’re not as explosion-resistant as Superman). And the rest of the team didn’t seem to feel it at all, and they were in the same complex. I thought power surge on separating this planet-destroying nuclear bomb of a power core would at least take out that town.

--Why. Did it make flowers? I’m. Really confused by the terraforming at the end. I think they tried to frame it earlier as a life-regenerating thing that just worked so fast it destroyed everything, but. That’s not really an explanation. Also don’t stick your face in that small child, the bright colors probably mean it will kill you. Also alien plants. Probably going to completely fuck up the ecosystem for a good while. But sure, it’s pretty so it’s fine.

--Oh, and the boob-faceplant did happen. She was facing away from the camera, so I easily believe the body-double story because they were so fucking desperate to have this happen.

--Was the Flash always an idiot? I feel like his entire character was just played for laughs as the dumb one because he was younger/less experienced, which is disappointing. Seriously, who meets Batman and the first thing you talk about is that you don’t understand people because they’re on a different frequency/slow, and what is brunch?? 

I’m sure there’s a lot more, but those are the things that immediately came to mind, so. Save yourself the headache. Don’t see this movie. Just go watch Wonder Woman again. Or Thor: Ragnarok, that one was good.

EDIT: WAIT I HAVE MORE.

--Fuck you Bruce you little shit, you have no right to call out Diana for not superheroing all the time. First of all, we’ve already seen her on multiple occasions out helping people, like the opening of the film where she saves a bunch of people from that terrorist group, and whatever happened in BvS. Second, she didn’t leave her home and everyone she loved to help clean up your shit or put up with you, she specifically left to stop WW1 and kill Ares. Guess what. She did it. She did her explicit mission, and then stayed to help when she wanted to because she’s a good person. Yeah, I think she gets to “shut down” for however long she fucking wants to after the person she cared most about outside of Themiscyra died and she had to deal with the entire “no, men actually suck and will go to war and commit atrocities because it’s their nature” thing she had to come to terms with, WHILE STILL STAYING AND FIGHTING FOR THEM ANYWAY. She has no obligations to you, you do not own her attention or her help, yes Barry, we would all cover for her if she murdered your ass for antagonizing her and insinuating that she has done anything wrong in her life.

--Also, what have you done huh? You dress up like a bat in your costume and run around the city because you like an adrenaline rush and want to feel cool taking down criminals. Sure, you donate to charity, whoopdee-fucking-do. You could probably buy a country. You have so much money. What were the stats on how much money it would take to end world hunger? 5% of what the US spends on their military budget or something? Less? You probably have more money than that. You want to do something more than cosplay with it??

[nickhembery]

the view from the armchair

the Things are crap, thousands of people are dying, our (my) leaders are incompetent boobs and the best thing people can do to help a struggling healthcare system is to clap once a week. So, let’s talk about something completely inconsequential. Did anyone see the latest Star Wars? It came out in December, just before Christmas. It was the crappest thing to happen at that time.

There’s been a long list of essays, videos, blogs and the like discussing what’s wrong with it. Plot holes, retconning, near-zero lgbt representation. I wanted to look at how it happened. How you could take a beloved movie series and throw it in the toilet (making it crap).

For the purposes of this post, I’m gong to focus on those with the writing credits of the movie. All information is taken from imdb, wikipedia, and all opinions are my own.

Right, four people (all white dudes) have writing credits on the shitshow. They are, Colin Trevorrow (story), Derek Connolly (story), Chris Terrio (story and screenplay), JJ Abrams (story and screenplay and directing).

Let’s start with Colin Trevorrow. Is it all his fault? What has he written before Episode 9? Is it all bad? Let’s see. Prior to Star Wars his writing credits are Jurassic World and Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom. I’ve not seen either of these movies, I’ve heard that the second one includes people training dinosaurs to attack whoever has a special laser pointer pointed at them, great for assassinations in lieu of say, a gun. Was it all him one those movies? No, the one with laser gun also had... Derek Connolly. Oh dear. But the first one was good enough to get a sequel and... hmm. Three other writers on that one. Not looking good for Colin. But then, if a movie can have one bad writer out of four and still be okay, then how was Star Wars so bad? Time to move on.

Derek Connolly. A name I had never heard before looking up the Star Wars writers. He’s got a couple more writing credits then Colin, and not bad ones. As well as the Jurassic Worlds there’s Detective Pikachu which was enjoyable, and Kong: Skull Island, which I’ve heard good things about. Detective Pikachu also had a big writing team and... oh boy. There’s a couple of jobbing writers, the maker of Monster vs Aliens and Shark Tale, and a writer on Guardians of the Galaxy and Captain Marvel. But maybe Derek was the secret sauce for Kong: Skull Island? No, that one had the guy that wrote Nightcrawler solo and a writer on the latest Godzilla adaptions. It appears, ladies and gentlemen, that Mr Connolly was carried on his better titles.

But that’s only half the writing team, and neither Colin or Derek did the heavy lifting on Star Wars. What about our screenplay writers? Were they dragged down by dead weight?

Chris Terrio, man of the hour, from where did you fly? Hardly any writing credits on this man. He’s got Justice League with Zack Snyder and Joss Whedon. Um. Okay. I’ve not seen it but a movie doesn’t spawn a meme about a secret director’s cut without being bad. His other super credit is Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice with Davd S Goyer. This I have seen. I describe it as two passable movies being smashed together into a terrible mess. How does this man have a career? Here it is, Argo! He wrote that awesome movie about rescuing the people from the embassy in Tehran! That was amazing, I think it won an oscar or two. Who’d he do that with? A book about the events and a magazine article. Oh no. His claim to fame is adapting other people’s work into a screenplay.

So JJ, what happened? Were you saddled with these people against your will? I mean, looking at your list of hits you... hang on. I’m seeing something here. There is a distinct lack of a certain something in JJ Abrams career. Sequels, and endings. It really shines when you look at the TV credits. His “created by” span the whole show, but his “written by” credits are very few and mostly in the early seasons. The only TV exceptions is Alias, where he wrote two episodes a year, but not in the last season. His only actual movie sequel before Episode 9 was Mission Impossibly 3. Have you seen that one? It ignored the previous two movies entirely and sort of rebooted the franchise, suspiciously like The Force Awakens. I don’t think Abrams can do anything well aside start things. He had no follow-through.

Wow.

So, to sum up. There’s two hacks who let themselves be carried on big projects. A fool who adapted a book. And a man that’s never properly picked up someone’s work to try and continue it before. Great.

I’d say that’s mystery solved. At least they only made a movie, they weren’t entrusted with anything like running a country during a pandemic. If they were we’d be properly fucked.