#that is functional and in good condition
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I don't understand people who buy things they don't need.
#txt#My mom just blew like $200 on a dresser (from temu of all places) and a heater#when she already has a dresser#(a solid wood one#which she is replacing with a cheap temu plastic one) and a working heater. Then she tries to dump#her old stuff on everyone else#but nobody else needs it#because we also already have clothes storage and a heater. Why are you buying things you already have??#and replacing them with something cheaper that wont last as long!#growing up poor has made me very careful with money#she grew up poor and seems to want to buy everything that she sees for some reason#which we can not afford to do#to be clear i am talking about buying something that you already own#that is functional and in good condition#just for the sake of it#not as in like...buying yourself something like food or entertainment that you do not already have even if you do not 'NEED' need it
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Little bright colored outfit with a fun vest ~
(shoes from ebay like 10 years ago. everything else is thrifted)
#ootd#jfashion#fashion#fantasy fashion#mori kei#....like... adjacent... lol#no idea what style this would be lol.. makes me think of like whimsical vaguely fantasy themed childrens book character#finally posting one of my aforementioned seven million drafts of actual outfits and costumes i have finished and edited#the photos for but just never feel like posting lol..#I need to find one of those people whos like 'omg i am ADDICTED to social media ugh i wish i could get off of it#im just browsing and posting like 60 times a daaaaay!!!' and take a little magical bottle and suck some of the social media#enthusiasim out of them. for moi. In exchange they can have some of my 'literally just never in the mood to post or interact with the#outside world ever' energy. We can balance each other. huzzah and so on#Though I think maybe it's part of the general thing I've heard of like.. I can't remember if it was in reference to adhd or just some sort#of general execcutive functioning issue type of thing - but the idea that things have to be ''just right'' before you do something. like#'oh i need to do this task. but i have to wait until XYZ first' or 'oh i can do this but only if X specific condition is met' or etc#The fact that I even have to be in a Specific Mindset to post. or sometimes will delay posting on social media because like 'oh well#I'm going somewhere tomorrow. somehow this matters. i cannot spend 5 minuts posting TONIGHT. clearly it will interfere#somehow schedule wise with the doctor appointment i have 15 hours from now. yes. yes. i must wait until my appointment is over#tomorrow afternoon. THEN i shall post' or etc. etc. lol. NOT even taking into account the many days#I just genuinely and physically sick and it's not even a mental thing. I just physically dont feel like sitting at the computer lol..#ANYWAY.. trying to get back into it. trying to get a business bank account.. make a proper paypal so i can start selling sculptures again.#selling clothes and sculptures.. posting about such things then of course as one must. etc... chanting to hype up and motivate myself lol#But yes. this is my favorite outfit out of the bunch so I am posting it first I guess.. maybe others later..#Also the purple dress says its from shein. which I've heard is bad fast fashion stuff. but maybe okay since its second hand? I havent#been to the bins since like 2020 or late 2019 even. and I think stuff like shein and temu has only become poular in the past few years#but I bet if I went to the bins now I might would find a good handfull of that stuff. Probably now not much different than what you#find in a walmart or a forever 21 or actual physical stores you can go to though. I hear quality of clothing is down everywhere no matter#where you get it or whatnot. What bountiful joys unfettered capitalism and exploitation bestows upon us (<being sarcastic).#Wearing one of my favorite little vests though. I love the texture of it and the clasps on it
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when I have an overwhelming task in front of me like…how do I build community, the answer as an incredibly awkward autistic person (who didn’t even know they were autistic for so long) has always been to look at what I’m already doing and start to broaden what I was doing from that point.
so you’re extremely online and you want to build community? what are you doing online? maybe you can start there
are you posting photos of your crochet work? maybe you can find a local group that meets in the library (high chance a group that meets in a library is free)
you like talking about music? is there a community choir around you can join?
the thing is we’re all super tired and it can be so so hard to straight off the bat be like ok where the like…anarchist affirmative community action group?
because that group will probably be happy to have another member but if you’ve forgotten how to talk to people in words instead of text it can be really hard. esp if you’re not actually familiar with a lot of the language they use and stuff.
also the people at the crochet group and the choir are still people who live in your local area and there is a chance that when something bad happens for one of their members that they will do what they can to help them. or maybe they do a crochet baby blanket charity thing that helps local babies, or something like that.
the thing to know about local stuff is that communities are just made up of people. anywhere you turn there are people, and there is a chance that they are someone that the affirmative action group may not get to
community is community. you are community! the person who checks out your groceries is community (and they are always so kind to me guys and that is such a big difference to my life as a disabled person like you wouldn’t believe)
and I guess that’s the point, if you start to look outwards from where you are and you start to be just a little more kind than you’re already doing then you will already be making a difference. and as time goes on you will find more and more people to help, and you will be able to help them hopefully because people are also helping you. this is what community is
#community#hopefully you can eventually join an affirmative action group#but I know for me it couldn’t be my first step because I have an energy disorder and it would be too overwhelming for me personally at first#though if you have an issue with motivation or executive function that group might be what you need because they are always looking for#willing hands!#but you will be given tasks and you should be ready to do tasks lmao#they ahve been some very positive moments in my life but because of my condition I only had moments with them really#I wasn’t able to keep up the momentum#byt maybe you can#maybe that momentum will be a good thing in your life?#think about it#but if you need a quieter start#look at what you’re already doing and look outwards#community can be very rewarding and it can be very simple#it can be once a weeknor once a month#it’s not like…all or nothing immediately or really ever
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just typed out a war and peace style post about wanting there to be an equivalent of body neutrality in feminist spaces re: periods/childbirth/etc and though there are so many caveats to what I have to say, I think that there can and should be a middle ground between "your divine feminine body was built for these processes and you will embrace the pain with grace/this is easy for everybody" and borderline misogynistic fearmongering surrounding standard bodily phenomena
#disclaimer: the 'fearmongering' is not referencing phobias/dysphoria/medical conditions#the body may change after pregnancy and I understand why some people would fear this#but also instead of putting the blame on the function of pregnancy itself can we criticize a misogynistic society that deems a body#used/broken/less attractive after having given birth?#point is I feel like a lot of the scaremongering is pointed at the bodily functions and the people (largely women) who experience#or will experience them#and not society's reaction to these functions and how poorly some are treated when doing something 50% of the population has#since the dawn of humanity#to add I do feel like being realistic about risks/bodily effects is not the problem#I think making informed decisions is good#I *do* think that talking about these risks as though they're universally body horror is#and again acting as though someone will be broken/worse after having experienced this#though given the political climate I am not entirely unsympathetic as to why this crops up
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in a year and a half: my cat died, my mother died, my other cat died, my grandmother died, my aunt died, a close family friend died, and now my brother Might Die. this is not even mentioning my other, already dead brother by the way. sorry this is personal but i need to share this somewhere. is this not crazy???????? what?????????
#like i am sorry the fact i’m still functional is a bit terrifying. i don’t even know how i’m still doing stuff#i feel like if i stop then I Will Stop#sorry i’m just anxious i just got the news my brother’s condition is Very Bad#i don’t know man i’m AFRAID ALL THE TIME!!!! i fear everyone will die. i fear IM going to die. maybe YOU are next.#and my father is not in good health either!!!#<- i’m trying really hard to ignore this right now but he is not very well!#i feel like i’m forgetting people in that list it’s just it’s been so many people i’m beginning to lose count
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pneumonichthyosis - condition of gills in replacement of lungs.
cause unknown, though mutation in typical ocoboan adaptation is speculated, and risk is higher for ocoboans while near nonexistent in other starfolk.
chronic; lifelong
#pikmin oc#yeah we're getting havamalt lore good news#the water supply works functionally the same as oxygen supply would in a suit#but even like. outside of when spacesuits are worn he needs the water pump and related pad to breathe#doesn't tell people because honestly he just cannot be assed#eco's family adaptations are also! fun fact! specifically based around the midnight parrotfish!! bites for fun#no one in his immediate family experiences Lung Fish Condition either but it was always understood that eco had a high chance of having it
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wondering why im so fucking sleepy for no reason then remembered I forgot to take my meds for 3 days
#how did i live in this world unmedicated like#i have always been this sleepy and tired all the time i just thought it was a personal flaw#taking adhd meds actually made me so#idk when i first had it i coulsnt stop telling my friends how awesome it was to be awake#its like theres no longer a heavy cloud over my consciousness 80% of the time#i could actually read books without dozing off it was amazing ..#so why did i forget...idk i just forgot. i have the forgot disorder#tbh a few months ago id know if i forgot my meds bc I'd just suddenly get sleepy in the middle of the day#these few days i just attributed it to academic stress and lack of sleep and what not but it only just occured to me like#uh#5 min ago#that this is how i feel without medication#cool. cool. i forgot about my brain condition and accidentally slept my whole morning away instead of writing my reports#its actually crazy to me that i need external influences to function normally like i need my awake pills#caffeiene doesnt even do shit for me#i need my stupid fucking cocaine#sorry im just angry at myself again for 1)wasting away hours being sleepu#2)forgot my meds made me remember my debuff. a reminder that i cant ever be normal#adhd is fun except when its not fun then. it fucking sucks#its only good for yapping
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your post (july 9th) abt being happy and content with your life made me so fucking happy wow
oh that's incredibly sweet!! i meant every word, i'm in a very happy place in my life at the moment. i still get horribly anxious about things sometimes but my baseline is consistently in the range of neutral to good, which is a foreign but welcome feeling :))
#i attribute it to 1) my physical health improving bc of PT and conditioning and medication#2) living with my wonderful gf who makes me laugh every single day and has an insane talent for finding something beautiful in everything#3) having a job i enjoy! it's less soulsucking than most jobs i've had and i spend about 50% of it sitting down + i like my friends + boss#4) pouring myself into my hobbies#im knitting and cooking more than i ever have in my entire life#im tending to houseplants#im walking the dog#im crossing things off my summer bucket list and experiencing new things!!!#im STRETCHING and doing my SKINCARE#5) medication#but this time not leaning on it soley#im supplementing the medication w all of the above things and so it's like#working or whatever#anyway this is long winded i just feel silly bc ofc all the advice you always hear about mental health is true haha#sleeping helps#eating helps#doing things you like helps#it's wild lollll i feel so good and functional it's almost uncomfortable#asks
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top three funniest work messages ever received
#yesterday's mood perhaps?#when the workplace is 50% zoomers. things get really fun#the thing is. this isn't us complaining abt work. this is a legit conversation abt the theoretical assumptions we're making for analysis.#*serious discussion abt the limitations of using certain data in concert when the assumptions r so different across the board*#me: well i think it functions more as a vibe check than concern with the conditions w/in a strict geographic boundary#me: like are they good vibes? does [area] have good vibes rn?#my coworker: ohhhhh. vibes abysmal#anyways. just goes to show. one can be smart and contribute intellectually to the workplace. and also be incredibly undeniably 23.
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Jumping on the badwagon, how screwed are you if you're caught out in the zombie apocalypse with your muse?
#ooc#seb is fucking Prepared#i've talked about it before#he's spent Years preparing with contingency plans and#he has the Massive Good Fortune of pelican town being isolated and may/may not be protected by the wizard (depends on partner preference)#with zuzu city being a few hours away#so he'd be a scavenger already used to fighting monsters at home who keeps his moral code bc of the home he still has#he wouldn't throw me to the 'wolves' but he would leave me in town as the nicest 'you're a liability' gesture he could do sDFGHJ#I simply have too many health conditions holding me back#all he rly has is his smoking and he'd quit it and improve his lung function bc he's still young#and he'd butt heads with ppl who'd ditch others in a second or screw them over sDFGH#would struggle to kill normal humans#v; standing on the edge of civilization ( apocalypse au )
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"just because someone has a PD doesn't mean they're automatically going to be abusive": nodding, yes good, go on
"if they're abusive they chose to be that way": [EXTREMELY LOUD INCORRECT BUZZER NOISE]
#always a bad time when the paradigm pendulum overcorrects and swings too far into the opposite extreme#like we ARE remembering these are disabilities right. these are conditions that hijack cognition and impair healthy social function#and we ARE also remembering that abusive behaviours are not always conscious and calculated#it'd blow some people's minds how many situations that look like ''i'm gonna fuck up this person's life On Purpose and For Fun''#are actually not that at all. the abuser's brain was just extremely on fire all the time forever and they've never examined that#and OF COURSE their extremely-on-fire brain is their responsibility and it's going neglected#(which is a thing that happens for various reasons ranging from apathy/indifference to lack of resources to complete unawareness)#but i don't think that equals ''they're choosing to be Abusive'' as if the malignant behaviours that are common with unmanaged PDs#are a choice the person is making and not a symptom of a disorder that fundamentally warps how a person sees the world#and interacts with it#we're still making nonsensical divisions between ''the Good type'' and ''the Bad type'' and i don't think that gets us anywhere
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I was just thinking what a cool job this might be.. what if you were just the person who makes little still images of cute animal figurines doing various activities to post on social media...? like.. show up to work and just spend the whole day like "hmm... this table should be placed to the left a little.. let me set this miniature bagel down in this way... this tiny rabbit should be wearing a scarf", setting the backgrounds, the lighting, etc. ... dream job perhaps lol...
#I'm sure it probably doesnt pay much lol#but.. maybe in some ideal world..#with my health and mental conditions and level of functioning there are VERY few Jobs I could actually EVER manage aside from#just being self employed and being able to set my own hours somehow etc... But every once in a while I come across something like this#and it's like... hrmm.... Yes... perhaps if I could align myself in this hyper specific scenario under hyper specific conditions in a#precise and predictable way and everything worked out perfectly and I had all the accomodations I might need.. maybe I could#do THAT thing then .. lol#Not just generally a 'social media manager' or something. I think that would drive me into the throes of madness#but SPECIFICALLY 'person who makes the images for the calico critters social media' and also#the place i have to go to do that is either my home or within walking distance of my home and also i rarely have to interact#with others aside from the posts probably going through some approval process and initial ideas where they tell me what#type of scene to make and also i somehow make $90.000 a year doing this for only 4 days a week with frequent sick breaks#dreamy sigh and so on and so forth and such and so on#ANYWAY........#the idea of meticulously placing little pastries and miniature crayons and stuff around all day until the scene is perfectly crafted.. SO#SO so appealing to me... like designing environments in the sims except it's real and tangible.. And also imagine having access#to the FULL library of miniature items. to me that would be just as good as owning them#Like.. I get to use them and make little scenes with them and hold them and stare at them and everything except also#they're all kept at work so I don't have boxes of clutter filling home.#unlimited access to every little miniature food ever crafted yet none of the downsides (purchase cost and storage)#etc. etc. ANYWAY ...#Chuckling confidently as I add this onto the 'List Of ''Real'' Jobs I Could Do' which is just a notebook sheet of paper with only like 5#other similarly unlikely hyperspecific scenarios scribbled down
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hey siri how do I stop feeling gutwrenchingly anxious in the guilt way for using the treatment methods available to me to not be in constant misery
#starlight personal#it’s very bizarre to have my life going objectively well - work is good! personal life is good! family is good!#and still be very mentally ill and feel like I’m faking it even though I know damn well I ain’t scream-sobbing every couple of days alone in#my apartment for attention because What Attention??? my cat????? Bug is never moved by my tears she cares only for string and wires#like I know that cannabis has been immensely helpful to getting me to fucking sleep on a regular schedule and that’s integral to -#my functioning and I know that having emergency klonopin in the event of a total breakout is helpful#and I KNOW that my PMDD and depression and anxiety are very treatment resistant and ketamine is the only thing that’s provided any -#meaningful relief and logically I know I’m not abusing any of these#I’m getting a promotion at work I still go out to see friends regularly I have hobbies I have a girlfriend (??? Wild right)#like clearly these things are working because i’m better now than i was for years leading up to now#SO LIKE. DON’T STOP USING THE THINGS THAT HELP. LOGICALLY THIS MEANS THESE ARE GOOD FOR ME#I always roll my eyes when ppl go off their meds b/c they’re feeling better like babes that’s what the meds are meant to do#if you stop taking them you stop feeling better - but it’s REALLY HARD to get past the cultural conditioning#the feeling that ‘but I can white knuckle my way through this I can force myself to live without’ like WHY BITCH#WE DON’T HAVE TO LIVE WITHOUT#AND ALSO. WE’RE STILL GENERALLY MISERABLE BRO. EVEN WITH OUR LIFE IN A BETTER PLACE!!!#DO YOU NOT THINK THIS MEANS THAT WE SHOULD USE WHAT WE KNOW WORKS TO BE LESS MISERABLE#basically it’s really hard to not feel like a loser when the only things that help are ‘fun’ drugs like weed and psychedelics#I feel like I’m being a hedonistic reprobate which 1) is actually kinda cool now that I wrote it out#2) @ myself were not a good enough liar-faker that every medical professional we see wouldn’t pick up on that if that was our motivation#time to remind myself that it’s arrogant to think I could trick many trained professionals without actively trying tbh#that generally helps me get out of my self-pitying ‘ohhhhh I’m awful and lazy and bad and abusing substances’ spiral#to be very mentally ill on main it is weirdly reassuring to be like ‘just as my fanon interpretation of obi wan kinda hates himself but is -#practical enough to take care of himself even when it makes him cringe and want to scratch his face off; I too am aware that self-care is -#radical and punk and In Fact Necessary to beat back the dark and live in the light with hope so yes even though I doubt and -#feel squiggly and guilty about it I’m not going to NOT prioritize my health and well-being b/c self-hatred and self-denial benefits no one’#thank you inner obi wan i love projecting my issues onto you mwah mwah mwah smooches for my favorite boy!!!!!#and smooches for me I’m going to be proud of myself gosh darn it even if I have to fake it at first#see I wouldn’t be able to be nice to myself like this if I hadn’t been doing ketamine treatment for a year IT WORKS BRO KEEP IT UP#SCHEDULE THE DAMN APPOINTMENT AND CLEAN YOUR BONG
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#head instructor to the TAs in the lab section i TA for: how r u guys feeling abt the workload?#me who hasnt graded anything since week 1 and spent an hr that morning filling out a patient safety plan: 🙃#listen. we r experiencing symptoms that make us shitty at our job. which is not helpful for a positive outlook#i was also experiencing horrible cramps at the time bc i lost my ibuprofen and 2 days ago i stopped the birth control in a desperate effort#to stop feeling terrible. but in this moment i feel alright. its wild to go from drastically unhappy to like lol wtf was that? anyway stop#being a bby loser. for no obvious reason. im gonna start the birth control again to see if i get depressed again or if that was just me lol#i dont think my therapist understands the depth of my executive functioning issues tho. bc im a grad student and can meet deadlines. like#let me tell u im a fucking disaster abt starting things. i will go back and forth and get nothing done forever. or i do things halfway and#make everything 30 times more difficult later bc no one else understands how my brain works#ah well. itll b fine. sometimes i just get freaked out that i wanna b better and i dont kno how to do that. so i spiral in despair a lil#ill b fine. im good at catching myself before i get too out of control. annoyingly tho i am not currently beating the bip0lar allagations#bc whatever tf is wrong with me i do probably fit the diagnostic criteria for bip0lar 2. i dont kno y that freaks me out so much. i guess#its bc it feels like something i cant just make better thru force of will and i grew up in a home that was very obsessively#health conscious to the point my dad gets anxious abt taking a single ibuprofen. so like ive been conditioned to get freaked out by#medication. literally my grandma will call me and tell me to b suspicious of doctors and to not take medicine unless absolutely necessary.#like lady u r the genetic reason i have 0cd shut the fuck up. also it feels like something that would more negatively affect how ppl think#of u than saying oh yea i get depressed or i have anxiety. like the connotation feels worse im used to just telling ppl whatever tf#my problem is. so the idea of holding something back feels weird. which annoys me bc i dont think there should b so much of a stigma. its#bullshit. anyway idk. im tired. i was trying to think of a comfort tv show with my therapist and all i could think was the terror#when im depressed i wanna watch those English mother fuckers suffer and die. i just lov that show so much. harry g00dsir my beloved. the#most me coded character to ever exist#unrelated
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Someone was talking about how tailoring and embroidery are two different skills, and I keep thinking about a Tav who thinks they're the same bringing a bunch of fabric and thread to Astarion hoping he can bibbity-bobbity-gay-hands magic a dress, but instead of a gorgeous gown, they end up with an abomination that would scandalize any seamstress and make any designer faint
#bat rambles#i actually dont think he'd be able to do pattern drafting#i could see him being able to do hand tailoring and minor mods#but complex pattern drafting?#there is a lot of technical skill involved in patterning and you need the numbers right#plus the materials and space to practice and do mockups#and like you dont HAVE to#but you still need a fairly large space to work in for sewing vs embroidery#plus designing is an entirely different ballgame#i think he'd be excellent at designing within his taste#that being said i do think he could make a tunic and smaller things like that but not at the same skill level as embroidering#plus caz had to make sure they had basics to perform the function he made them for#whether or not those items are attractive / in good condition is of no concern to him#caz as that parent that provides the bare minimum and is like )))): but i never beat you with a belt like my parents did !!!#meanwhile his children are starving and probably have had pneumonia for the last century
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WHEN
when aziraphale sajd “i would love you to help me” and crowley bluescreened at “i would love you”
#THE WAY#THE wAY THEY BOTH SUBCONSCIOSULY THINK ITS CONDITIONAL…#THE WAY CROWLEY LOSES FUNCTION JUST HEARING IT OUT OF CONTEXT.#I’m going to explode#good omens#notes from the herb garden
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