#that is functional and in good condition
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I don't understand people who buy things they don't need.
#txt#My mom just blew like $200 on a dresser (from temu of all places) and a heater#when she already has a dresser#(a solid wood one#which she is replacing with a cheap temu plastic one) and a working heater. Then she tries to dump#her old stuff on everyone else#but nobody else needs it#because we also already have clothes storage and a heater. Why are you buying things you already have??#and replacing them with something cheaper that wont last as long!#growing up poor has made me very careful with money#she grew up poor and seems to want to buy everything that she sees for some reason#which we can not afford to do#to be clear i am talking about buying something that you already own#that is functional and in good condition#just for the sake of it#not as in like...buying yourself something like food or entertainment that you do not already have even if you do not 'NEED' need it
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Little bright colored outfit with a fun vest ~
(shoes from ebay like 10 years ago. everything else is thrifted)
#ootd#jfashion#fashion#fantasy fashion#mori kei#....like... adjacent... lol#no idea what style this would be lol.. makes me think of like whimsical vaguely fantasy themed childrens book character#finally posting one of my aforementioned seven million drafts of actual outfits and costumes i have finished and edited#the photos for but just never feel like posting lol..#I need to find one of those people whos like 'omg i am ADDICTED to social media ugh i wish i could get off of it#im just browsing and posting like 60 times a daaaaay!!!' and take a little magical bottle and suck some of the social media#enthusiasim out of them. for moi. In exchange they can have some of my 'literally just never in the mood to post or interact with the#outside world ever' energy. We can balance each other. huzzah and so on#Though I think maybe it's part of the general thing I've heard of like.. I can't remember if it was in reference to adhd or just some sort#of general execcutive functioning issue type of thing - but the idea that things have to be ''just right'' before you do something. like#'oh i need to do this task. but i have to wait until XYZ first' or 'oh i can do this but only if X specific condition is met' or etc#The fact that I even have to be in a Specific Mindset to post. or sometimes will delay posting on social media because like 'oh well#I'm going somewhere tomorrow. somehow this matters. i cannot spend 5 minuts posting TONIGHT. clearly it will interfere#somehow schedule wise with the doctor appointment i have 15 hours from now. yes. yes. i must wait until my appointment is over#tomorrow afternoon. THEN i shall post' or etc. etc. lol. NOT even taking into account the many days#I just genuinely and physically sick and it's not even a mental thing. I just physically dont feel like sitting at the computer lol..#ANYWAY.. trying to get back into it. trying to get a business bank account.. make a proper paypal so i can start selling sculptures again.#selling clothes and sculptures.. posting about such things then of course as one must. etc... chanting to hype up and motivate myself lol#But yes. this is my favorite outfit out of the bunch so I am posting it first I guess.. maybe others later..#Also the purple dress says its from shein. which I've heard is bad fast fashion stuff. but maybe okay since its second hand? I havent#been to the bins since like 2020 or late 2019 even. and I think stuff like shein and temu has only become poular in the past few years#but I bet if I went to the bins now I might would find a good handfull of that stuff. Probably now not much different than what you#find in a walmart or a forever 21 or actual physical stores you can go to though. I hear quality of clothing is down everywhere no matter#where you get it or whatnot. What bountiful joys unfettered capitalism and exploitation bestows upon us (<being sarcastic).#Wearing one of my favorite little vests though. I love the texture of it and the clasps on it
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in a year and a half: my cat died, my mother died, my other cat died, my grandmother died, my aunt died, a close family friend died, and now my brother Might Die. this is not even mentioning my other, already dead brother by the way. sorry this is personal but i need to share this somewhere. is this not crazy???????? what?????????
#like i am sorry the fact i’m still functional is a bit terrifying. i don’t even know how i’m still doing stuff#i feel like if i stop then I Will Stop#sorry i’m just anxious i just got the news my brother’s condition is Very Bad#i don’t know man i’m AFRAID ALL THE TIME!!!! i fear everyone will die. i fear IM going to die. maybe YOU are next.#and my father is not in good health either!!!#<- i’m trying really hard to ignore this right now but he is not very well!#i feel like i’m forgetting people in that list it’s just it’s been so many people i’m beginning to lose count
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pneumonichthyosis - condition of gills in replacement of lungs.
cause unknown, though mutation in typical ocoboan adaptation is speculated, and risk is higher for ocoboans while near nonexistent in other starfolk.
chronic; lifelong
#pikmin oc#yeah we're getting havamalt lore good news#the water supply works functionally the same as oxygen supply would in a suit#but even like. outside of when spacesuits are worn he needs the water pump and related pad to breathe#doesn't tell people because honestly he just cannot be assed#eco's family adaptations are also! fun fact! specifically based around the midnight parrotfish!! bites for fun#no one in his immediate family experiences Lung Fish Condition either but it was always understood that eco had a high chance of having it
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your post (july 9th) abt being happy and content with your life made me so fucking happy wow
oh that's incredibly sweet!! i meant every word, i'm in a very happy place in my life at the moment. i still get horribly anxious about things sometimes but my baseline is consistently in the range of neutral to good, which is a foreign but welcome feeling :))
#i attribute it to 1) my physical health improving bc of PT and conditioning and medication#2) living with my wonderful gf who makes me laugh every single day and has an insane talent for finding something beautiful in everything#3) having a job i enjoy! it's less soulsucking than most jobs i've had and i spend about 50% of it sitting down + i like my friends + boss#4) pouring myself into my hobbies#im knitting and cooking more than i ever have in my entire life#im tending to houseplants#im walking the dog#im crossing things off my summer bucket list and experiencing new things!!!#im STRETCHING and doing my SKINCARE#5) medication#but this time not leaning on it soley#im supplementing the medication w all of the above things and so it's like#working or whatever#anyway this is long winded i just feel silly bc ofc all the advice you always hear about mental health is true haha#sleeping helps#eating helps#doing things you like helps#it's wild lollll i feel so good and functional it's almost uncomfortable#asks
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😠
#i wish i could at least afford to get noise cancelling headphones#those wont completely help me or solve my issues#i live in a place that is way too active for me who get so easily overstimulated by noise#like.. im like actually falling apart and im incapable of functioning like a normal person under these conditions lmao#i was abt to go into another rant abt it but theres no use i need to accept the situation#all i can do is to work towards a place where i have a job and money so i can move cities and apartments when i need to#this noise is killing me...#ear plugs dont work completely + it's not good for your ears to have smth inside of them all the time#trust me..... horrible things can happen to your ears 🥴#but noise cancelling headphones is better than being broken down by noise#then i could listen to ambience while studying/reading and music while on walks#i prefer natural silence :((( like soft noises in the environment#plus that isnt unhealthy for your ears... but it isnt possible bc im constantly on such high alert#and overstimulation bc CONSTANT FKN NOISE!!!!!!!!#then the alternative of listening to smth on noise cancelling headphones is better#but i cant afford it at all :(#the cheapest ones i can find are a little bit over 1/3 of my monthly food budget 🥴#and i ofc want them to be good enough that they work...#i dont wanna buy smth cheap that the quality is super bad or they break immediately#UGHHHHHHH i hte everything im considering just going deaf#but i wanna listen to music :(( and listen to threats. i dont wanna be deaf no#i just want some fkn peace and quiet
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top three funniest work messages ever received
#yesterday's mood perhaps?#when the workplace is 50% zoomers. things get really fun#the thing is. this isn't us complaining abt work. this is a legit conversation abt the theoretical assumptions we're making for analysis.#*serious discussion abt the limitations of using certain data in concert when the assumptions r so different across the board*#me: well i think it functions more as a vibe check than concern with the conditions w/in a strict geographic boundary#me: like are they good vibes? does [area] have good vibes rn?#my coworker: ohhhhh. vibes abysmal#anyways. just goes to show. one can be smart and contribute intellectually to the workplace. and also be incredibly undeniably 23.
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Jumping on the badwagon, how screwed are you if you're caught out in the zombie apocalypse with your muse?
#ooc#seb is fucking Prepared#i've talked about it before#he's spent Years preparing with contingency plans and#he has the Massive Good Fortune of pelican town being isolated and may/may not be protected by the wizard (depends on partner preference)#with zuzu city being a few hours away#so he'd be a scavenger already used to fighting monsters at home who keeps his moral code bc of the home he still has#he wouldn't throw me to the 'wolves' but he would leave me in town as the nicest 'you're a liability' gesture he could do sDFGHJ#I simply have too many health conditions holding me back#all he rly has is his smoking and he'd quit it and improve his lung function bc he's still young#and he'd butt heads with ppl who'd ditch others in a second or screw them over sDFGH#would struggle to kill normal humans#v; standing on the edge of civilization ( apocalypse au )
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"just because someone has a PD doesn't mean they're automatically going to be abusive": nodding, yes good, go on
"if they're abusive they chose to be that way": [EXTREMELY LOUD INCORRECT BUZZER NOISE]
#always a bad time when the paradigm pendulum overcorrects and swings too far into the opposite extreme#like we ARE remembering these are disabilities right. these are conditions that hijack cognition and impair healthy social function#and we ARE also remembering that abusive behaviours are not always conscious and calculated#it'd blow some people's minds how many situations that look like ''i'm gonna fuck up this person's life On Purpose and For Fun''#are actually not that at all. the abuser's brain was just extremely on fire all the time forever and they've never examined that#and OF COURSE their extremely-on-fire brain is their responsibility and it's going neglected#(which is a thing that happens for various reasons ranging from apathy/indifference to lack of resources to complete unawareness)#but i don't think that equals ''they're choosing to be Abusive'' as if the malignant behaviours that are common with unmanaged PDs#are a choice the person is making and not a symptom of a disorder that fundamentally warps how a person sees the world#and interacts with it#we're still making nonsensical divisions between ''the Good type'' and ''the Bad type'' and i don't think that gets us anywhere
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hey siri how do I stop feeling gutwrenchingly anxious in the guilt way for using the treatment methods available to me to not be in constant misery
#starlight personal#it’s very bizarre to have my life going objectively well - work is good! personal life is good! family is good!#and still be very mentally ill and feel like I’m faking it even though I know damn well I ain’t scream-sobbing every couple of days alone in#my apartment for attention because What Attention??? my cat????? Bug is never moved by my tears she cares only for string and wires#like I know that cannabis has been immensely helpful to getting me to fucking sleep on a regular schedule and that’s integral to -#my functioning and I know that having emergency klonopin in the event of a total breakout is helpful#and I KNOW that my PMDD and depression and anxiety are very treatment resistant and ketamine is the only thing that’s provided any -#meaningful relief and logically I know I’m not abusing any of these#I’m getting a promotion at work I still go out to see friends regularly I have hobbies I have a girlfriend (??? Wild right)#like clearly these things are working because i’m better now than i was for years leading up to now#SO LIKE. DON’T STOP USING THE THINGS THAT HELP. LOGICALLY THIS MEANS THESE ARE GOOD FOR ME#I always roll my eyes when ppl go off their meds b/c they’re feeling better like babes that’s what the meds are meant to do#if you stop taking them you stop feeling better - but it’s REALLY HARD to get past the cultural conditioning#the feeling that ‘but I can white knuckle my way through this I can force myself to live without’ like WHY BITCH#WE DON’T HAVE TO LIVE WITHOUT#AND ALSO. WE’RE STILL GENERALLY MISERABLE BRO. EVEN WITH OUR LIFE IN A BETTER PLACE!!!#DO YOU NOT THINK THIS MEANS THAT WE SHOULD USE WHAT WE KNOW WORKS TO BE LESS MISERABLE#basically it’s really hard to not feel like a loser when the only things that help are ‘fun’ drugs like weed and psychedelics#I feel like I’m being a hedonistic reprobate which 1) is actually kinda cool now that I wrote it out#2) @ myself were not a good enough liar-faker that every medical professional we see wouldn’t pick up on that if that was our motivation#time to remind myself that it’s arrogant to think I could trick many trained professionals without actively trying tbh#that generally helps me get out of my self-pitying ‘ohhhhh I’m awful and lazy and bad and abusing substances’ spiral#to be very mentally ill on main it is weirdly reassuring to be like ‘just as my fanon interpretation of obi wan kinda hates himself but is -#practical enough to take care of himself even when it makes him cringe and want to scratch his face off; I too am aware that self-care is -#radical and punk and In Fact Necessary to beat back the dark and live in the light with hope so yes even though I doubt and -#feel squiggly and guilty about it I’m not going to NOT prioritize my health and well-being b/c self-hatred and self-denial benefits no one’#thank you inner obi wan i love projecting my issues onto you mwah mwah mwah smooches for my favorite boy!!!!!#and smooches for me I’m going to be proud of myself gosh darn it even if I have to fake it at first#see I wouldn’t be able to be nice to myself like this if I hadn’t been doing ketamine treatment for a year IT WORKS BRO KEEP IT UP#SCHEDULE THE DAMN APPOINTMENT AND CLEAN YOUR BONG
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...
#head instructor to the TAs in the lab section i TA for: how r u guys feeling abt the workload?#me who hasnt graded anything since week 1 and spent an hr that morning filling out a patient safety plan: 🙃#listen. we r experiencing symptoms that make us shitty at our job. which is not helpful for a positive outlook#i was also experiencing horrible cramps at the time bc i lost my ibuprofen and 2 days ago i stopped the birth control in a desperate effort#to stop feeling terrible. but in this moment i feel alright. its wild to go from drastically unhappy to like lol wtf was that? anyway stop#being a bby loser. for no obvious reason. im gonna start the birth control again to see if i get depressed again or if that was just me lol#i dont think my therapist understands the depth of my executive functioning issues tho. bc im a grad student and can meet deadlines. like#let me tell u im a fucking disaster abt starting things. i will go back and forth and get nothing done forever. or i do things halfway and#make everything 30 times more difficult later bc no one else understands how my brain works#ah well. itll b fine. sometimes i just get freaked out that i wanna b better and i dont kno how to do that. so i spiral in despair a lil#ill b fine. im good at catching myself before i get too out of control. annoyingly tho i am not currently beating the bip0lar allagations#bc whatever tf is wrong with me i do probably fit the diagnostic criteria for bip0lar 2. i dont kno y that freaks me out so much. i guess#its bc it feels like something i cant just make better thru force of will and i grew up in a home that was very obsessively#health conscious to the point my dad gets anxious abt taking a single ibuprofen. so like ive been conditioned to get freaked out by#medication. literally my grandma will call me and tell me to b suspicious of doctors and to not take medicine unless absolutely necessary.#like lady u r the genetic reason i have 0cd shut the fuck up. also it feels like something that would more negatively affect how ppl think#of u than saying oh yea i get depressed or i have anxiety. like the connotation feels worse im used to just telling ppl whatever tf#my problem is. so the idea of holding something back feels weird. which annoys me bc i dont think there should b so much of a stigma. its#bullshit. anyway idk. im tired. i was trying to think of a comfort tv show with my therapist and all i could think was the terror#when im depressed i wanna watch those English mother fuckers suffer and die. i just lov that show so much. harry g00dsir my beloved. the#most me coded character to ever exist#unrelated
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I was just thinking what a cool job this might be.. what if you were just the person who makes little still images of cute animal figurines doing various activities to post on social media...? like.. show up to work and just spend the whole day like "hmm... this table should be placed to the left a little.. let me set this miniature bagel down in this way... this tiny rabbit should be wearing a scarf", setting the backgrounds, the lighting, etc. ... dream job perhaps lol...
#I'm sure it probably doesnt pay much lol#but.. maybe in some ideal world..#with my health and mental conditions and level of functioning there are VERY few Jobs I could actually EVER manage aside from#just being self employed and being able to set my own hours somehow etc... But every once in a while I come across something like this#and it's like... hrmm.... Yes... perhaps if I could align myself in this hyper specific scenario under hyper specific conditions in a#precise and predictable way and everything worked out perfectly and I had all the accomodations I might need.. maybe I could#do THAT thing then .. lol#Not just generally a 'social media manager' or something. I think that would drive me into the throes of madness#but SPECIFICALLY 'person who makes the images for the calico critters social media' and also#the place i have to go to do that is either my home or within walking distance of my home and also i rarely have to interact#with others aside from the posts probably going through some approval process and initial ideas where they tell me what#type of scene to make and also i somehow make $90.000 a year doing this for only 4 days a week with frequent sick breaks#dreamy sigh and so on and so forth and such and so on#ANYWAY........#the idea of meticulously placing little pastries and miniature crayons and stuff around all day until the scene is perfectly crafted.. SO#SO so appealing to me... like designing environments in the sims except it's real and tangible.. And also imagine having access#to the FULL library of miniature items. to me that would be just as good as owning them#Like.. I get to use them and make little scenes with them and hold them and stare at them and everything except also#they're all kept at work so I don't have boxes of clutter filling home.#unlimited access to every little miniature food ever crafted yet none of the downsides (purchase cost and storage)#etc. etc. ANYWAY ...#Chuckling confidently as I add this onto the 'List Of ''Real'' Jobs I Could Do' which is just a notebook sheet of paper with only like 5#other similarly unlikely hyperspecific scenarios scribbled down
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Someone was talking about how tailoring and embroidery are two different skills, and I keep thinking about a Tav who thinks they're the same bringing a bunch of fabric and thread to Astarion hoping he can bibbity-bobbity-gay-hands magic a dress, but instead of a gorgeous gown, they end up with an abomination that would scandalize any seamstress and make any designer faint
#bat rambles#i actually dont think he'd be able to do pattern drafting#i could see him being able to do hand tailoring and minor mods#but complex pattern drafting?#there is a lot of technical skill involved in patterning and you need the numbers right#plus the materials and space to practice and do mockups#and like you dont HAVE to#but you still need a fairly large space to work in for sewing vs embroidery#plus designing is an entirely different ballgame#i think he'd be excellent at designing within his taste#that being said i do think he could make a tunic and smaller things like that but not at the same skill level as embroidering#plus caz had to make sure they had basics to perform the function he made them for#whether or not those items are attractive / in good condition is of no concern to him#caz as that parent that provides the bare minimum and is like )))): but i never beat you with a belt like my parents did !!!#meanwhile his children are starving and probably have had pneumonia for the last century
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WHEN
when aziraphale sajd “i would love you to help me” and crowley bluescreened at “i would love you”
#THE WAY#THE wAY THEY BOTH SUBCONSCIOSULY THINK ITS CONDITIONAL…#THE WAY CROWLEY LOSES FUNCTION JUST HEARING IT OUT OF CONTEXT.#I’m going to explode#good omens#notes from the herb garden
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!!!! my mom finally got prescribed physical therapy!! she's been in serious need of it for years, I've been so worried about her!! ;v;
#she had a really bad mental breakdown eight years ago and part of it was#i think? a conversion disorder? or something like it. something psychosomatic that really messed with her#her eyesight went bad and the motor functions in her legs went wrong and the muscles wound up atrophying a bit from disuse over time#her eyesight has recovered over time but her legs haven't really. she can walk slowly but if she falls over she can't get up#so... i'm really glad that she'll be getting her legs worked on in therapy and have something to get her out of the house#she's been dealing with agoraphobia too. she doesn't get out much at all anymore.#i've been so so worried about her. this is the first good news i've gotten about her condition in years... ;~;
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having a lot of thoughts about how people use 'normalize' when they mean 'destigmatize' or 'make the nature of into common knowledge,' and how they conflate 'the perception of this thing as normal' with the thing actually being a normal occurrence, and how it is in fact incredibly harmful to try to convince people that an ideal situation is normal when that does not map onto their lived reality or the dangers they need to be aware of to avoid. it is 3:33am though so writing up an actual poast about it will have to wait for later
#whosebaby talks#this post brought to you by 'spreading awareness of what an abusive relationship is and looks like compared to a nonabusive relationship'#'is fantastic and i support it fully and think it's deeply important. giving people the false idea that abusive relationships are uncommon'#'and are flukes that go against the grain of society functioning as it normally does; is insanely dangerous to people who are potential#targets; and incredibly alienating and isolating and cruel to people who have already been targets'#'in uniquely awful ways depending on whether they're already aware of that or aren't. don't fucking do that'#it applies much more broadly than that; but it's an instance i think about A Lot and it's what led me to this line of thought to start with#there's also 'normal does not mean good and saying so has incredibly unbelievably harmful implications keep that shit out of your mouth'#but that is so obvious it boggles my mind that it has to be explained to anyone on this site; and it is talked about often enough#that i would rather focus on the parts i don't really see talked about much; if at all#also like the fact that 'statistically average' normal vs 'things are functioning as they usually do' is a critically important distinction#they are closely related and interplay heavily with each other but they are Not the Same Thing#and how 'normal' can refer to different layers and aspects of a subject--people with rare health conditions are not statistically average#and that by itself is fine. and those people having conditions that are disruptive to the usual functioning of a space or system#is avoidable in some cases by establishing as much infrastructure as possible to integrate their more common needs smoothly#and unavoidable in others; which means the normal functioning of a system/space that accommodates people with unexpected needs#has to account *for its normal functioning being disrupted sometimes*#and bend around that disruption without either breaking down or rolling right over the disabled people who Cause Problems#and at the same time 'rare health condition' gets applied to health conditions that are not rare *at all* to not only justify not bothering#to make the system integrate their needs in general when it could do so easily; but make it so that accommodating their needs anyway puts#immense and unnecessary strain on the system; so there is zero margin for anything you didn't specifically fight tooth and nail for already#anyway it's a really extensive subject and a fascinating one. for later. sleep now#abuse cw#ableism cw#the salt files#is there a name for that tag
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