i've had literally SUCH a cool project at work that once im in the groove i work nonstop for hours at a time (and stay online at work later bc i'm working on it) and im having such a good time and learning SO MUCH but oh my lord i am exhausted
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GUESS WHOOOOO!!!! it's babe :33 This took so long for me to do so none of the other listeners are getting full pages like Babe did... They're just my favorite so they got special treatment..
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Okay Old Ass Art Jumpscare but. Here🧍
I think this is from VERY early on when I was unpacking/sorting through my feelings on the changeling twist (which I used to really hate actually! Funny fact LMFAO), plus I was figuring out where Lif fits into any of it. Disregard the fact that I straight up forgor we killed Hel (I think.) and that's why "She doesn't seem to care anymore" LMFAOOO
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Im surprised people keep trying to make exclusionism happen. Like, idk why people apparently have it out for transmascs atm??? I say appaerently because i try to umderstand wtf is happening and all i get is a headache and the sense that everyone involve would benefit from touching grass and a hobby
i don't know tbh i try to avoid looking at that shit bc it fucked with me so bad when i was younger and i had internalized so much shit that turned out to Not Matter At All (i'll always think abt how obsessed i was with the idea that if i told my gender therapist i was depressed he would tell me i was Fake Trans, meanwhile HE was the one who told me transitioning would cure my depression LMFAOOO)
my advice would be. especially if you're young and/or not in a situation where you can access the transition you want for yourself whether it's medical or social or just being around people who gender you properly and don't make you feel like shit about it. do not get into that stuff and ESPECIALLY do not get into that stuff while telling yourself you're so above it all and it's not affecting you etc. i used to read awful threads full of people making fun of fakebois or whatever they called them back then and telling myself it didn't affect me but it did and it sucked
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Hii<33 will you tease us with hints of your current projects?
hello! 👀 due to a number of things happening off-screen for me i would say that i'm currently in "fucking around" mode without a huge number of actual tangible projects going on? like im doing a lot of "open new doc > write down vague idea > add 1,000 odd words > don't finish the project" which. doesn't feel great. but hey ho.
the biggest thing is that i'm doing a merlin big bang and am trying to wrap up the details of that project because i've committed now, except i can't give any details about because it all needs to stay anonymous 😅 either way that'll be out in like, august!
yeah in terms of other fandoms that i have written more stuff more in the past im just sorta,,,, languishing i guess??? like i'm still writing but it's really hard to be excited about WIPs and tell people & have them get excited and then just never finishing anything 🤷
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Yeah. Man. I'm just sitting here remembering I've been doing this my entire life. I feel like there was a patch I wasn't, part of the teen years, and that's either I've forgotten because trauma orrrr something else but
No wonder I've never felt anchored on this plane. But it doesn't matter, well, no, it matters a lot, but this life is just constantly isolating in how it works so I will keep the talk of not fitting in here and what being weirdly one got in one foot out has done to talking to myself lmfao but... I remember. I remember being in the garden as a really young child and I'm not a young child. I'm this chimaeric fairy-type thing of swirling and bulging colours like a psychedelic faceted-insect-eye's led trip, four or more wings of different types that are again, so ungrounded, so psychedelic, vivid. Not uncertain. Not half-formed. Fully formed, the starbeing in me just barely contained in the shape of the human-pretending-to-be-a-fae it's pretending to be
I remember so much, actually, and it's. it's just weirdly melancholic....? Maybe not melancholic, but it's so sad and I don't know why. Actually. I mean I've been trying to piece it together for like twenty minutes now but... People get a little irritated at me for being very "you don't understand and no one sees me" but like. I have lived an entire life walkinv streets where no one sees me. It's very complicated, there's. mental health stuff in there because of course I've come across a lot of spirits but I have bad issues seeing people as real but like. Man yeah no I am a snail and one part of me can be physically seen but the other has always been on the other side
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