#that i need to make the most out of everything? but at least i'm taking more care of myself now. i'm glad.

[hellsslibrary]

there is literally not a single thought in my head other than wanting to spoil reo or isagi ROTTEN in bed. they’re just so sweet taking care of everyone around them and now it’s their turn to be taken care of. i just need to praise and shower them in love.

The sweetest things in the world deserve the most mind-blowing pleasure and comfort.

MASTERLIST is here.

#a.n. : they really deserve it, right!! Isagi after the last chapters of the manga especially... My poor boys :(

!!Warnings: top!SOFTdom!male!reader, pillow princesses!Reo and Isagi, praise (very much), fingering, anal sex, protected(!) sex, nipples play, Reo has a boobs(idk, I just want to squeeze his pecs), crying, many kisses, pretty wholesome.

Isagi Yoichi.

"Hey? How are you feeling, baby? Is everything okay, hmm?" your voice is gently carried over his ear, to which he can only nod and mumble something unintelligible. "Come on, say something."

Isagi swallows dryly, looking at you with eyes clouded by lust, love, and the sensations of the previous two orgasms, and barely whispers: "Ye-yes, [Your name], just fine... Although... A l-little slower?"

Your thrusts become slower on an almost instinctive level, but they remain just as deep to make sure that you constantly hit the sweet spot that your sweet boy NEEDS.

Until his brain melts, until he forgets all the players on his and someone else's team, until he forgets why he was mad at them... Until the very word football disappears from his brain.

"Great, baby, whatever you say. Anything else?" he just whimpered at your question, trying to get his brain to work for at least five seconds by grabbing the sheets next to his head while he looked at you with teary eyes.

"...Hug?" Yoichi practically hisses, coughing a couple of times, your thrusts immediately slow down, which is why he closes his eyes, opening them only when he feels a drop of water on his lips.

"Drink it, honey, come on," you gently press the neck of the open bottle against his lips and he greedily gulps down the cool liquid until you remove the half-empty bottle from his lips.

You kiss him on the cheek, leaning over his body. Your chest is pressed against his chest, and his arms immediately wrap around your shoulders, squeezing you. You resume your thrusts, lifting his hips slightly to increase the angle of the thrusts.

You can hear him sobbing into your hair, moaning with every thrust, while you kiss his neck and chin, leaving hickeys there from time to time. The way his tears run down your hair. The way his fingers dig into your back, even though your thrusts aren't that hard. The way his cock twitches against your stomach.

You feel every cell. Every dangerously pressed part of his body against your own. Even the way his heart beats, which is exactly like your own rhythm.

"Fuck, so tight... Such a good boy, you take me so well. Do you think you can cum again?"

Isagi hardly hears your words, he just feels with his being that this is something pleasant and his cheeks turn even more red as he tries to figure out if his body can take more.

"Yeah..?"

He mutters, biting his lower lip, not sure if he can. But at least he'll try, for your sake. Although in this situation, you obviously won't be satisfied with such a sacrifice.

"Are you sure? I don't want to overexcite you, honey," your lips touch his lips to stop him from gnawing on his bottom one.

His hips immediately move up, and his hands tangle in your hair as he responds to a slow, almost savoring kiss from your side. The beautiful blue eyes close and a couple more tears flow out of them.

"Yes, yes, I'm sure... Just don't stop, please?" he chirps between kisses, biting your tongue in the process, which makes you pull away, looking at his sweetest face, and then wiping the tears from his eyes.

If he wants something, he'll get it.

Reo Mikage.

"Please, please, m-my love... Please," Reo bubbles, tilting his head back while he sat on your lap.

All you've been doing for the last fifteen minutes is finger him, and your mouth is literally glued to his nipple, as it seemed to Reo. Your hand felt his chest, as if he had tits, as if there was something to knead except muscles, although you didn't really care.

"Relax, I want you to completely relax," you whisper as your tongue runs over his nipple, and with the tip you deliberately press on the hollow in his nipple, forcing him to squeeze your thighs harder.

"I would have relaxed faster if you hadn't been pretending to be a newborn," Reo chuckles softly, biting his lips with the pleasure of your long fingers inside him, moving so smoothly and precisely where he needs them.

You just smile back, moving to the other nipple, which makes Reo moan, arching his back, and one of his hands gets tangled in your hair.

You can feel his hips moving slightly on your lap, trying to make your thrusts with your fingers even deeper, while his mouth opens in quiet, almost inaudible moans and rare praises from his lips to motivate you to continue.

"The main thing is that you feel good. What difference does it make how I behave? You like it," he just smiles at these words, but nods convulsively when your fingers poke exactly the spongy point that he needs.

"That's right... So just keep going, yeah?" Reo exhales, pushing his head back, and then shudders slightly as he feels you lowering him onto the bed, hovering over him in the same position.

His fingers grab your shoulders, trying to hold you in place, on his chest, not that you're going to run away, of course. His hips lazily moved to the beat of your fingers, trying to push them even deeper, although doing nothing to do so.

Your free hand squeezed one of his pecs, massaging that hard but pleasant muscle, stroking the pink, hard bump on it with the tip of your tongue, causing his purple eyes to close, fluttering.

His sweet sounds echoed throughout the room as his body lay flat on the soft pillows, allowing you to do whatever you want for his own pleasure. Reo wanted to cry just from the thought that you were completely focused on his pleasure, even if it didn't look like it considering how hard you were sucking on his chest.

But it warmed him up like hell, and he did... He wanted the same thing.

"Can I do something for you too? I'm embarrassed that you're aroused without any friction," Reo asks, kissing the top of your head, making you finally pull away from his nipple, which makes him sigh softly as the cold hits his wet nipple.

"Stay down, Mr. Mikage. Relax, stop thinking about your humble servant," you smirk, kissing his fingers on your face, and then bending down and kissing him, causing his body to melt instantly.

Although he immediately twitched when he felt a third finger enter him and he hit you on the shoulder, throwing his head back with a loud half moan, half sob.

"Warn me next time..." Reo whispers, frowning, even though she doesn't do anything to stop you.

He just lies there relaxed, letting all thoughts disappear from his pretty little head, watching as your mouth cups his nipple again and just sighs contentedly.

[astracora]

Poly!LADs headcanons - because I'm a disaster human and they live rent free in my head.

Home Edition

Also includes the main mc I write with headcanons??? Canons????

Masterlist

Zayne is very clean, he tidies up as soon as he sees mess. Can't leave it for a second. (He also simply doesn't think to say to someone 'hey can you clean up x', he'll just go 'well I'm here' and tidy.)

Xavi will tidy but he'll normally have a set time in mind to do it, aka 'I'll do this in 10 minutes' except he means it. Which sometimes means Zayne gets to it quicker.

Raffy will fully forget the concept of tidying, everything becomes like his art studio. Will sometimes do 'I'll do this in 10 minutes' doesn't mean it.

Sylus is generally very tidy, will clean as he does anything, part of his 'leave nothing out as a weakness, remove traces of yourself as you move' energy, but it does make him easy to live with in regards to cleanliness.

MC is not tidy, they're chaotic and often forget where things are. They try to help manage the mess but often simply forget in the chaos of doing something. They just need a lil nudge and they'll go into cleaning mode and fix all the mess.

They all have jobs that tend to be 'theirs' though it's fluid depending on time restraints and current projects or life situations.

Raffy/Xavi are best at doing the grocery shopping. They're least bothered by crowded or loud places, and least likely to buy every sweet in the place. Raffy does do impulse purchases, but they generally take lists.

Xavier also takes care of the plants and the garden in the house. (Everyone likes checking in on the garden though.)

Sylus/Raffy are the best at cooking. Sylus cooks primarily as long as he has the time (tries to make it as much as he can), and Raffy cooks the best fish you'll ever eat in your life.

They will sometimes also supervise Xavier's cooking but with him it's a two man job of not letting the kitchen burn down. (Sylus doesn't want to replace another kitchen.)

Zayne is king of tidying, he doesn't do it all himself, and everyone tries to make sure they pick up their weight esp when he's very busy, but the man has systems upon systems.

MC does a bit of everything, they're not as patient with cooking, but enjoy baking a lot. Primarily they help stay on top of laundry, dishes and are co-captain to Zayne's cleaning frenzies.

They all have their at least one of their own specific rooms in the house, either specialised for their work, or just a specific place for them to destress if they want alone time.

Zayne: has his office.

Raffy: has an art room, he also kept his studio for anything he's keeping secret from the others (an art project) or for bigger pieces that he needs more space than the house can provide.

Sylus: has a music room, it's decorated with records and various instruments. Of course he keeps all his bases, home is home, work is work.

Xavier: he set up a planetarium in a nap room, just incase he gets home really late and needs to sleep but is worried about disturbing someone.

MC: has a room decked out in just every single collectible they've ever hoarded ever.

Raffy technically has the most 'normal' sleep schedule, awake in the day, asleep at night, except he also doesn't sleep when he's working on a painting, so it often goes out of the window.

Zayne has a sleep schedule which is normally he's awake in the day, asleep at night, but he's also a doctor so he works whenever he needs to, and this can often mean night shifts, very long shifts with on call sleep room visits, or simply his normal nightmare-based insomnia.

Sylus is awake at night and asleep during the day mostly, has a fairly reliable schedule in terms of active time, but he's a busy man who does a lot of work travel. So might not be at home very often because of that. While he pretty much sleeps exclusively in the day, if he's around and someone really wants company, he's happy to join them in bed. He's also always willing to be out in the day if someone asks for his presence for something.

Xavier sleeps whenever he's tired, he's a working hunter which means he's awake when he's needed for a mission, and he works at night as Lumiere, so he has absolutely zero schedule. He and Sylus are normally the ones who take naps together because of this.

MC's life schedule is very reliable, they work in the day or whenever they have a mission, but primarily they sleep at night. That said they have insomnia and they also suffer from frequent nightmares due to their history, because of this, they will take naps when they can, and will often be awake until the early hours of the morning unable to sleep properly.

[pope-bunny-chara]

okay at this point you are both saying the exact same things at each other in a cycle. You are both indicating you don't feel safe because the other indicated they don't feel safe around you. This is becoming overtly recursive due to the lack of specificity, and I think the public nature of the conversation (you, an identifiable visibly public figure speaking to and about a nameless identityless blob of individuals with a shared cultural category) is going to make it definitionally impossible to become something constructive, meaningful, or beneficial. I think you are a very smart and wonderful person, and I sincerely believe you should step away from this and spend time unpacking it with people you trust instead. 80% of this feels like the result of misapplied public rhetoric being misinterpreted and misconstrued by people scared of how that rhetoric could and has been used to hurt them in the past. During a time when general rhetoric about transness has become more violent and accusatory, I cannot justifiably blame anyone for being on edge. I don't believe you're necessarily wrong about anything you have specifically said on this subject, and I'm sure it's been helpful to many people in illuminating or giving words to a real issue present among trans communities. But I also genuinely believe it's making the issue worse, it's encouraging further distrust and accusatory rhetoric, it's encouraging trans women only speak to and trust people who are specifically like them. I am a trans woman, and every space I hang out in is dominantly other trans women, I don't think trans men and women feel safe interacting with each other in many online spaces as is. And, idk, personally that's just already sad and not ideal to me. It seems intuitive to me that the solution would be to build trust further, to try to listen to why people feel scared and uncomfortable and not accuse the other of being the problem wholly onto themselves. But i just keep seeing trans girls telling other trans girls that they're right to distrust this other group, that they should keep to themselves, that they don't have to listen or adjust or take into consideration how this other group might feel, cause they're right to feel that way. And perhaps they are, perhaps any one feeling is wholly justified, but where does this get us as a habitual community policy? as something espoused publicly as the correct mode of thinking? is that going make any part of this better? Cause at the moment I don't see how. Maybe I'm just naive idk.

Above all, I think it's just bad for you personally. I don't think you are in a place where you're capable of taking on the role of spokesperson here. I think it's drawing unwanted attention to you, driving you further in paranoia, and putting a target on your back when you need it least. I don't know you personally, I have mutual friends with you who seem worried about you, but I can't speak for you on this, maybe this Rules for your mental health, but it doesn't seem like it. And I don't think you're like, doing any of this on purpose. I don't think you mean to sound accusatory and aggressive to any trans masc person who might be sensitive but otherwise well meaning. I know you're trying and mean to draw attention and help work towards a solution to a real issue. I know their are extremely bad actors misrepresenting and using the worst interpretations of everything you've ever done and said to vilify and hurt you and I'm so sorry that's happening. But you also wield and phrase public rhetoric in a deeply reckless way that ends up communicating a lot of stuff you don't mean to. And I don't think it's your fault, I don't think it would even matter in most cases. But more and more it's becoming clear to me that, this is helping no one. or at the very least, it's hurting more people than it might be benefiting. It's hurting you, it's causing more paranoia and seeded distrust among scared trans women and men alike, it's widening a chasm I think we should be working to mend. I'm doing my best to express my thoughts here, and I'm scared it'll just be taken as more fuel to the fire, that I'm just accusing you further, and I don't want that. I think if nothing else, you'll probably find this message annoying or distasteful in some fashion I didn't intend it to. I'm sorry, I wish I had said all this more gracefully than I'm capable of, and maybe I'm just wrong. Or you'll just ignore it, idk. But this has just been, deeply upsetting to observe, I don't like how the usual response has just been to reaffirm in either direction that we should talk to eachother less. I hate it. I'm sorry. I hope you're okay, you deserve to be happy, you don't deserve any of how people have been treating you, I don't want this message to feel like it's just adding onto that.

hello. i have immense respect for you as a person, a dog, an artist, a fellow autistic plural system with lifelong trauma. i am afraid of you. i have felt disproportionately miserable-- i have come closer to crisis than i have in years-- due to that one ask you answered about transmascs, particularly its consequences. i am afraid of seeking community with the trans sisters who need it most. i would like to stop being afraid of you; i will likely never speak to you directly [1/2]

No one will feel safe around you if you act like this whenever someone feels unsafe around you, please stop.

[cerastes]

Ok, post-mortem on Critical Contentions AKA Reclamation Algorithm's The Game Wants To Kill You Very Dead Mode, which I streamed yesterday.

The max amount of rewards are given by making it to Day 18, and it was fairly simple getting there, which is not a bad thing, it's so everyone can actually earn the rewards -- kind of like Risk 18 in Contingency Contract is also a feasible reward for every non-new player -- but you can keep going. My original objective, set completely liberally and without thought or prior knowledge of the game mode, was to make it to Day 100. With what I know now, I still hold that as a goal, but it'll take more preparation so I can more smoothly do it, as I can see where it can go Wrong. While Day 18 is simple, the way the stats start stacking, it will very much Not Be Easy after a good while. I especially dread having to fight a stat-stacked Al-Rafiq, as his particular mechanic can practically render him unkillable if you don't know what you're doing or have a silver bullet for him (I'm thinking Restanding Potion Ceobe). The -50% DP Generation on Day 18 and on also makes me want to raise Wanqing as my fourth Flagbearer so I can deploy at least 2 Flagbearers per Act.

So I'll stop this current run at Day 18, go back to the main game, and work on more ingredients: I want to secure more Forever Food to open up the mode, and as I go up, then I start using the stronger but temporary foods, that way I can meet the power spike head on, instead of blowing up my good ingredients early on and then needing them closer to Day 100.

I also have a greater expansion plan:

Something that wasn't an issue but that I noticed could very realistically become an issue is when you get very hazardous splash damage heavy hordes spawning right next to your Outposts -- and thus, just two turns away from your Main Base -- that you very very much want to fight outside of your Outposts and Base. Encircled is the Windswept Ruins, and extremely small map where the majority of my interceptions took place. I want to especially fortify it with high end structures, including Urban Barrier IIIs, so it can become an advantageous killbox of sorts. It posed me little trouble handling fights there, however, with the drastic increase in enemy power later, I can see it becoming a very very dangerous location that won't let me even thin out units if I don't prepare it for a fight properly.

All the nodes that you see up there, thus, I'll fortify and turn into proper defensive locations, that way I can properly intercept enemies at an advantage at each location without needing to spend useful time waiting for them to move to more advantageous maps and risk letting them merge with new horde spawns.

Basically, I need to properly become a Lord Ameer to make it to 100 Days and make that entire region into a fortified stronghold. I have the materials, I have the tools, and I have the Operators... Except, I think, Stone. I'll go into a large scale Stone acquisition drive, as it is the resource I find myself eating through the most. Every node in this planned fortification will have both strategic bonuses active, a Lv.3 Tower, and Urban Barriers set up beforehand for maximum DP efficiency. If I can put together 3000 Stone, I'll feel comfortable, but I can settle for less, and will likely, as I need less material if I properly fortify everything before hand, the extra material will be for replacements and fixes.

Lastly, I want to hunt/capture a lot more Exotics. Not just for more materials and, but I think the Neural Chains and Omni Umbrellas are going to come in absolute clutch when hitting high Days.

There's lot of preparations to be done! But I'll become the best Lord Ameer and hit those 100 Days, believe it!

[blueskittlesart]

*sigh* thoughts on Nintendo's botw/totk timeline shenanigans and tomfoolery?

tbh. my maybe-unpopular opinion is that the timeline is only important when a game's place on the timeline seriously informs the way their narrative progresses. the problem is that before botw we almost NEVER got games where it didn't matter. it matters for skyward sword because it's the beginning, and it matters for tp/ww/alttp (and their respective sequels) because the choices the hero of time makes explicitly inform the narrative of those games in one way or another. it matters which timeline we're in for those games because these cycles we're seeing are close enough to oot's cycle that they're still feeling the effects of his choices. botw, however, takes place at minimum 10 thousand years after oot, so its place on the timeline actually functionally means nothing. botw is completely divorced from the hero of time & his story, so what he does is a nonissue in the context of botw link and zelda's story. thus, which timeline botw happens in is a nonissue. honestly I kind of liked the idea that it happened in all of them. i think there's a cool idea of inevitability that can be played with there. but the point is that the timeline exists to enhance and fill in the lore of games that need it, and botw/totk don't really need it because the devs finally realized they could make a game without the hero of time in it.

[cluescorner]

I cannot imagine being a Damian stan right now. You've got both Zdarsky's bullshit (where he clearly doesn't give a shit about your boy) and The Boy Wonder (where Juni Ba clearly gives so many shits about your boy) coming out on the same day. The whiplash must be insane. I hope y'all get some nice warm soup for your efforts jfc

[elvenmoans]

I have been coerced into letting them install a semi-experimental new type of these, three times, as they keep breaking.

I don't think letting them break out a peice of my vertebra and shoving electronics in their isnt invasive. It's a long healing periods with heavy drugs each time.

I don't think it's worth it. I've been told I am one of the most responsive patients they've ever had to this therapy.

It alone isn't enough pain relief to live my life

But it does make the tiny dose of opioids they are willing to give me work well enough to not destroy my mental health from the pain, even if the pain still limits my life and ability to work gainfully.

They won't give me anything stronger than tramadol because I'm "young and your liver won't be able to handle it forever". I am beyond certain that they will switch to "you don't have a young liver anymore" once they can't keep using that excuse.

The implant is a extreme, unjustifiable risk vrs invasiveness vrs pain relief option. But it is touted as the option to patients who they cant pretend that opioids are the only option left anymore. I have tried and failed everything else. Opioids are the only thing that give me my life back. The stimulator doesn't work well but is the next best option.

They will not increase my pain meds from the dose I've had for several years. They take it away from me when my tolerance builds and leave my bed bound for a least a month at a time. I can't sit up for an hour straight without adequate pain relief.

If I don't let them keep using me as a fucking guinea pig for this stupid fucking device then I will be bedbound again. I don't want it. Im scared of it. I'm putting off the third one's surgery even though the one in me right now is recalled (for breaking inside MRIs which I need a few times a year) as I won't be able to work, socialize, or really live my life to any decent quality during the healing process. I live alone. I'd have to live in my emotionally and financially abuse dad's house while healing. How is that a decent choice for me?

How can anyone look at this and say it's fully consensual? They're forcing me to do this while pretending it's a choice

In an episode of ABC’s Four Corners this week, the use of spinal cord stimulators for chronic back pain was brought into question.

Spinal cord stimulators are devices implanted surgically which deliver electric impulses directly to the spinal cord. They’ve been used to treat people with chronic pain since the 1960s.

Their design has changed significantly over time. Early models required an external generator and invasive surgery to implant them. Current devices are fully implantable, rechargeable and can deliver a variety of electrical signals.

However, despite their long history, rigorous experimental research to test the effectiveness of spinal cord stimulators has only been conducted this century. The findings don’t support their use for treating chronic pain. In fact, data points to a significant risk of harm. (Read more at link)

It amazes me what doctors will put in patients without sufficient evidence it works.

[asterdeer]

richard's relationship with money is so interesting to me despite/because of how vague and nonspecific it is in canon. which only makes sense because the show isn't interested in richard's backstory at ALL and, it being an audio medium, it can't exactly give many context clues like wardrobe/style or what his apartment/house looks like. but it's like......... he doesn't have interests, he dabbles in money-making activities. i am practically forced to assume that his mention of being good at pool also = a side hustle. his estranged dad up and left him a house and a paid ride to college. at this point he's way better off than he's ever been -- after 18 years of living with two separate conmen and a mother who doesn't care about him in mediocre apartments, he's suddenly on his own with his future out in front of him, and....... he STILL takes very risky grade-changing jobs for money? like he bypasses getting a regular college job and goes straight to petty crime? and apparently "far worse" crimes??? it's such an interesting balance between craving the security of Having Money and being pathologically unable to get it in a "normal" "safe" way. he doesn't even do anything with it in canon, he just GETS it. he isn't even buying lucy's drinks himself!!!! obviously even richard has bills to pay (which is. very funny to me. sorry that i think 19-year-old college era richard is the funniest person to ever exist, gremlin who's only ever lived in an apartment with his mother, sister, and mother's rotating cast of boyfriends, suddenly has a whole ass house dumped in his lap on his 18th birthday in exchange for his whole ass father's wholesale abandonment of him, has to figure out how to pay utility bills on his own, maybe thinks about getting a barista job or whatever kids did in the 80s, record shop clerk job?? and then nopes past it and picks "exploiting a child genius" as a career path instead. what a fucking legend. i also think he murdered people for money a couple times but that's just me) sorry i've lost the plot of this post thinking about campbell county community college computers richard. imagine being the people at the 5 Cs in charge of hiring STUDENT COUNSELORS and seeing richard maxwell strut into his interview and thinking "yes this 18-year-old suspiciously home-owning kid who talks like a john hughes movie antagonist and is currently his kid sister's very much illegal guardian is the perfect fit for our emotionally and socially fragile 11-year-old resident genius. what could go wrong" and then they have to pay for nicholas adamsworth's therapy sessions for the next 5 years because richard maxwell was what could go wrong. fuck. "waylaid in the windy city" maybe be my personal favorite richard but pre- and mid-"eugene's dilemma" richard is definitely the weirdest and funniest

[captain-huggy-bear]

Think I may be getting ghosted by stick tape boy after asking him if he had any career plans/ambitions which is okay because I do not want to have a family with someone who cannot help me support it when i'd be the one getting pregnant and putting my body and a section of my career on the line.

Will update you if he isn't actually ghosting me, but it feels like he is, or at least holding off on responding 😂

Still haven't heard from Goalie boy last I checked he seemed to be over 600 miles away aka like Scotland so we'll see if he checks in or not i've stopped worrying about it or caring even though he's hot 😂

[medicinemane]

And maybe you'll be like "but if you don't trust businesses, how can you trust welfare?"

I fucking don't. My mom trying to get on food stamps fucked me up because a lady I never met without my permission got my SSN from my mom and started editing my files. My heart still races to this very second whenever I think about it, it kinda messed me up bad and I'll never ever ever see any kind of recourse

And I'm terrified that I'm gonna lose my medicaid just cause I inherited some money from my grandpa

And I've never even applied for disability cause it kinda doesn't matter finding out if I'd qualify or not cause of my depression, when the rules are so restrictive I don't know if I've even be allowed to keep my house

I do not fucking trust these things on a personal level. I feel like out of a lot of people I have the most to fear from them cause I'm on the edge of having things work, and that gets you punished

...but I need medicaid in order to have insurance (and when you strip out the finance side of medicaid, I love medicaid... they're honestly incredible insurance... I just... I just... dental is like 90% of why medicaid is so important to me, ever since I found out this state pays for it I've actually been able to do cleanings which is important to me cause I can't always get myself to brush)

And I think things like disability and food stamps are pretty damn important on a personal level, and honestly are also good for the economy cause they get people spending... it's practically a free cash infusion into the economy, cause these are people who need to buy stuff

There's just so much important stuff welfare does that it's worth dealing with government

No, what I want is more accountability so if someone gets my SSN from a 3rd party like my mom they're held to HIPPA styles standards where that's not ok to access my files without my permission (She changed my fucking address and tried to get medicaid to investigate me for fraud! Never even met me)

Like have some accountability there and in every situation

Secondly I want less punitive focused rules. I'd frankly prefer bezos get on disability than smack down some poor sod cause they got $2000 in the bank or cause their friend lets them live with them for free

If there's gonna be a cut off on these programs, it needs to be a solid step above the poverty line, cause... by definition I assume poverty line denotes kinda the minimum expected income people can reasonably live off of, and if you take away benefits people are gonna lose a chunk of money to covering that stuff themself, so you need a buffer before you kick people off

I don't fucking trust the government for a second, I've actively been fucked by them and on a personal level I avoid everything but medicaid and only that cause everything but the money is pleasant to deal with and I kinda need it (honestly if I was rich I'm not even kidding that I'd rather give medicaid like $400 a month than some insurance company, I sincerely like them as insurance)

But I'd trust them a lot more if they were less punitive, less out to hunt me down and gut me cause someone handed me a fiver or cause I started to get on my feet, and if government employees had concrete rules they had to follow that were actually transparent and enforced

Like 90% of my problems with welfare go away if they're held accountable and there's less "catch the welfare cheats" mentality going around

I don't trust the government in the slightest, but sadly there some jobs it kinda has to do, so I'd just rather force it to be an open book where the public can keep an eye on it and if they step out of line there's consequences (sort of like I don't trust most mega corps but happen to sometimes need stuff from them... did you know literally every cell service provider has been illegally selling shit like your location data to random people like bounty hunters, and the FCC just slapped them with a fine that's 0.02% of their yearly incomes and debated even doing that? I even can offer a source on that)

...I don't trust much of any authority cause they constantly fail me and kinda screw me. Don't trust doctors either, but I still gotta go to them, you know? ...they're just... they're real bad at listening... so many systems need systemic change

(You know who I really don't trust is the cops. I could point to so many examples. My uncle doesn't trust cops either, and he's an ex Fire and SWAT paramedic, he worked with them and we still got into a long conversation where he basically tore into them far better than I can)

(I don't trust authority that's not accountable)

[im2tired4usernames]

I hate that I literally just do not trust any of the older folks in my family to do right by anyone

[theconfusedartist]

ok, so

there’s two posts I’m gonna be making for the assassin’s creed rewrite au. one which is just a long post about how the Toba catastrophe happened in the rewrite, as well as some supplementary info about the PoEs and why Desmond was chosen for his specific role.

and the actual chapter I’ve been vaguing about all this time. tbh, it’s not going to be the full chapter, just about 30 pages worth simply bc I realized that in striving for perfection, i wasn’t actually making any more posts about protocreed bc i didn’t either want to spoil anything or get people’s hopes up. but. the chapter ends when Desmond and Alex part ways, rather than when Desmond goes back to pick up Elijah like it was originally meant to, as it transitions a lot better into the next chapter which is in Alex’s PoV

honestly, I was making an assassin’s creed only rewrite before I got back into prototype but it was ideas from the wonderful @teecupangel @wolfofartblock and @neroangelus that made me rethink my entire rewrite to make it protocreed (as well as the art and fic that they had on their blogs that made me feel less like i was going crazy for even having the idea, god bless!) and @zero-saito @dezmondmyles @kingbob2-0 for asking me questions about the au when I started to get a bit lost in the overall process.

Like, if it weren’t for y’all and the entire protocreed community on tumblr, as well as my irl writers group, I probably would’ve never shared anything about this au and would’ve only spoken up about it once the game itself was complete (which is at the very least not coming out for a year, bc I need to make sure all the new mechanics i have planned work out when in testing and are fun to play) and that would’ve been kinda a bummer.

special shout outs to @saturnineaqua who was one of the first people (and my mutual!! :D) who liked my posts about AC and stuff, I was honestly so nervous about posting anything about it, I was about to delete the post minutes after making it, but your initial like was what got me to keep it up.

also, i know i didn’t tag every single person that liked my posts but I just wanna say y’all are amazing! seeing that people actually like this content made me feel better about posting it.

since AO3 is down, i’m gonna post the chapter here on tumblr and ff.net simply because it’s not nsfw and i have little chance of it ever getting taken down or anything. i’ll make a follow up link to it in the following reblog

[cultivating-wildflowers]

🪓

[autistickaitovocaloid]

I need to get out of this fucking house.

[introvert-celeste]

.

[chalk-homunculus]

I think... in many ways, I really just want to feel loved, but I'm scared of accepting it, and scared of feelings I feel like I "can't control" so I end up taking an overly analytical approach and overjustifying things like natural curiosity to myself by calling things "just scientific fascination" and "morbid curiosity" (because in my mind, things I feel I am not "allowed to" experience, be curious about, or consider, seem like they're taboo, hence 'morbid'). I can't really fault others for thinking that's messed up. I've definitely ruined chances at receiving any sort of care and/or love in the past by not only pushing people away in delusional self-sabotage states, but also by treating people like equations or research projects. I sort of hate admitting to myself that I DON'T know or understand everything, and that doing so is impossible no matter how much I like knowing things, especially since my inability to just trust and take what people tell me at face value is in juxtaposition with that desire for knowledge and thorough understanding. It is actually me and my own doubt of people that drives me into over-questioning everything I DO know.

I also am terrible at paying attention to others. I know this. I forget that other people are, well, people, and that they won't know how much I care about them unless I express it and KEEP expressing it. Not just verbally but with things like asking people how they are doing- assuming they'll just tell me if they want me to know is something I do, but I know very well how easy it is to feel like a burden and close your troubles away from others in fear of being "too much" to deal with. I've reflected on this, and my unhealthy manner of expressing fondness and trust for others being that I'm far too quick to traumadump and talk about myself, in the past, but I've not been making nearly enough progress on it.

I think, I seek and crave for too much clarity without offering any myself, that has driven people away from me in the past, and it's purely my own flaws causing it.

Maybe with another year or two of reflecting, I will be able to handle something like a qppr without it falling apart because of my aloofness and inability to pay enough attention to others. Perhaps in half a decade, I could consider a romantic relationship, if I've made any progress with all that + trauma work, by then.