#that has haunted me for a decade
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The thing about revenge is sure, it feels empty and meaningless once you've gotten it. Revenge doesn't fix anything. But revenge isn't about what happens next, it's the fact that the idea of it utterly consumes you. You cannot do anything else but pursue it. You don't seek revenge because of what it'll do for you, you seek revenge because of what the need for it is doing to you. Revenge is a fire burning you up inside and out and once the fire is out you still don't feel good, you are badly burned and in so much pain but knowing that doesn't make you stop trying to put out the fire
#bel speaks#i am Making A Character#'you burn the present for the sake of a brighter future and act surprised when all you find is ash' is a quote from a webcomic#that has haunted me for a decade
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Thinking about Morrigan, who was shaped from birth into a tool to further her own goals by Flemeth-Mythal, who loved her but didn't respect her (neither her autonomy nor her heart). Thinking about Morrigan never being able to fully scape her "fate", because the narrative demands it, but being able, in the right circumstances, to save Solas (who came into existence to serve as a tool in Mythal's quest to create and protect The People, loved by her but rarely respected) instead.
#dont really have a conclusion#in the Witch Hunt dlc for Origins she can say to a friendly Warden that what she wants “doesnt matter” in a rare moment of vulnerability#it has haunted me for a decade because you can do nothing to persuade her of the contrary#her story is a tragedy but veilguard doesnt appear to see it like that#morrigan#solas#mythal#datv#datv spoilers#veilguard spoilers#mine
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I tend to get phrases and words cycling through my head, and for a very long time now one of them has been AUTISM WINS. I don't know where I picked this one up, but as intrusive thoughts go, it's kind of a banger.
Whenever I draw something really indulgent or ramble too much on something I like, part of me just goes AUTISM WINS AGAIN and suddenly I am way less worried about seeming annoying or cringe.
Like, actually having a really good time thinking about something I love and drawing indulgent art? autism fucking wins again babey
#no I am not using intrusive thought incorrectly here#but why would post unpleasant examples. I have a bunch where almost every night it pops up in my brain and just.#does nothing. is nothing. but keeps reoccuring. I think some variation of Do You Have Horns? has haunted me for a decade#not a quote or a voice just a phrase as if a writing prompt that never continues. I dunno man. I just get the thoughts I ain't making em
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Rayuan Perempuan Gila (Seduction of a Crazy Woman) by Nadin Amizah
marcille u are soooo nadin amizah codedddd (waiting for the dungeon rabbits arc to get animated so i can do the whole song *rubs hands deviously* iykyk)
this is my first amv/edit btw!! please be nice to me lol
#dunmeshi#marcille donato#delicious in dungeon#dungeon meshi#dunmeshi edit#turtleduck originals#okay look this section of the song isn't the MOST marcille-compliant it's mostly the rest of the song that fits:#[always knowing that i'll be left behind but dear God i'm trying!] ;#[what could happen in a decade? i'm only preparing. no one knows i'm afraid] ;#[no one has ever waited for me long]#HOWEVER the vision of this melody + this scene has haunted me since i first watched it. it's soooo beautiful#btw 'akan mereda' is more like 'to settle/calm down' but i didnt want it to get misconstrued as like. 'getting married'#marcille ; hasrat merambat#<- SHE HAS HER OWN TAG NOW!!!!#tw self harm#tw blood#q
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X reader Labyrinth AU
Imagine Shiggy in those goblin king pants
oh NO
those pants are a sin and not in the fun way. i think. maybe. good god.
#asks#man door hand hook car door#quin how could you do this to me#this is payback for the joke I made about overhaul's O face isn't it#although tbh the goblin king has been haunting us for a decade plus now#at least he wasn't in our souffle making contest
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sorry but i hate that claudia's dress is hung up like it's in a museum. i know why it is, and it's sweet and tragic and i don't blame louis for trying to both honor and grieve her in this way, but i hate it <3 that her clothes fitted perfectly just for her by her immortal companion, just like her diaries, her own private thoughts penned down throughout her life, have been preserved and made perfect in bright open spotlight for gloved hands and watching eyes to feast on even in death. kinda hate it here
#j watches interview with the vampire#sorry i can't stop thinking about claudia she is haunting Me#like i understand keeping it! i'm assuming he got it from the theatre before burning it down since santiago clearly kept it#and i was struggling to think of how louis could treasure it in a way that didn't feel almost. exhibitionist#and i was like well. actually lots of people keep and treasure personal mementos like this#they just don't have the money or desire to put them on display#they tuck them in chests or boxes labeled keepsakes and pull them out to hold and breathe every once in a while#they're private reminders of love and life just for us#but a tragic thing about louis i think is both that living post claudia has felt more like playing house for so long#and his own grief being back burner-ed for decades at a time leads to processing in a more poignant and visual way like this#for louis i think it's fine tbh! i think it's what he needs to feel close to her beyond the rocks in his ankles#but for claudia i hate it#if that makes sense. there is no reminder of her after her death that can't feel a little Displayed and i think it's by design#it's a story about memory and the exploitation of writing it down and publishing it#putting your own personal everything on display to be consumed by onlookers#and since claudia now only exists in memory of course she highlights this in a most emphasized way of all the characters#it just sucks. guys it SUCKS
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rmbr paul mccartney said he has stories about john he'd never tell unless yoko and cynthia were dead???
paul if you die early your will better detail that these stories (hand written and signed and NOTARIZED) are published post mortem
#this has haunted me for over a decade#wishing paul v not cishet dreams tonight#i hope u wake up in a paranoid sweat old man#that was me#mclennon
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I was just ambushed within the turbulent halls of my own mind by some headcanons about rye ingellvar's childhood that did 15000000 points of psychic damage to me and my heart personally and also made me almost sure of how I want to play it all at the end (very very differently from how I imagined going in!). some 'oh holy fuck this changes everything' rocking my own world bullshit going on in my neurons right now I'm reeling
#I'm sorry to say that despite what I expected I think the dread wolf might be going down violently on my first run???#not because *I* love solas any less but because of who rye is and some of the twists I know happen down the line#which does make for a neat thing b/c I meant to play the crow I'm going with second as initially incredibly hostile#and then growing to feel for him and redeeming him at the end.#so if rye starts out very reasonable and sympathetic and then is brought to 'haha. no. fuck you forever for that in particular' at the end#...a pleasing cosmic symmetry in it I must admit. perfect and also makes me feel a bit sick#I'll try to put together something coherent eventually but for now#it's sort of a 'my name is ellaryen ingellvar you killed the guy#that my brain went 'close enough welcome back beloved and much missed deceased father figure' over. prepare to despair and die'#I think just the killing part might not have done it but everything that comes after? rye is a chill guy until he finally decides#that enough is fucking *enough*. and that was the most enough of all time for them#it also explains rye's accent (one of his primary caregivers growing up was a dwarf)! so many birds with one stone here#also I am so fucking sad now and I did it entirely to myself. I love fiction I love games (embarassingly genuine)#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#oc: ellaryen ingellvar#thank god that the romanced solas playthrough is the second one tho that does make things less dire haha#adaar would have given it the good old college try to get solas to change his mind right to the end I think#but even his capable hands and politician's mind could not hold back the sheer beware the fury of a patient man storm#that is about to hit solas for the shit he just pulled. I think rye and solas are -- as it turns out -- TOO alike in many ways#...solas buddy I'm so sorry I'll come back for you on the second playthrough and make it right I swear fhsak#it's just that a second dead dwarf dad has joined the chat to haunt the narrative (and this time it's fucking personal frfr)#it's almost scary how quick I've gotten attached to my rook tho. I've waited A DECADE to save this bald elf man from himself#and then rye shows up with steel in his normally kind eyes going 'no. I want that fucker *dead*'. and I just go anything for you babyboy#I'll see what we can do. unspeakable stuff
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Sukuna and Gojo didn't have the right to be such good characters, but there they are I guess
#Thinking of them constantly lately. The parallels are so good it makes me want to tear my face apart lol#I could have been okay with them being cool and fun and just entertaining to watch#But no they have to be actually well written complex characters that play with very intriguing concepts as well#That's when they become a problem and by god are they a problem#I can't believe one of my first impressions when watching the first few episodes of the anime was 'Gojo and Sukuna are kinda the same thing#and that the manga ended with that sort of parallel#Unified in the role of Yuji a bit#Soooo good everything happening with Gojo and Sukuna and especially in the context of the two kids#but also so good what is happening with the three kids in the end when thinking about the three kids of Gojo's past and sbfksbfjfj#Why does JJK have to be so good#when it's utterly boring and forgettable for so many chapters too with how typically mediocre shonen it gets at times?#It drives me insane lol#I talk too much#I should probably delete this later#Shonen mangas: we have the most nuts and thought inspiring world building and dynamics you've ever seen#but instead let's just watch two guys beat each other up for over one year okay? This will happen every three months of actual writing#Every once in a while there will be one page that will rewire your brain and haunt you for decades#so that you won't ever be able to entirely free yourself#Here's a sexist joke and an homophobic one too even if the story has queer themes and misogynia criticism
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jackie to shauna in 1996: “are you really going to keep something from me out here? what did i do? when did you stop wanting me to be your best friend?”
callie to shauna present day: “i swear to god mom, if you lie to me again — im so fucking over secrets. like, i can’t.”
#i can’t even think abt this too much bc it’s a lot#these scenes parallel each other so god damn much#shauna choosing to tell the truth the second time to her daughter and not the first time to jackie#it’s like not telling the truth when being begged for the truth has been haunting her for decades#so she…. inappropriately tells her daughter the truth#despite how bad of an idea that is to do both in the sense that we as viewers know what callie has been up to#but also in the sense of how irresponsible it is for a parent to bring their child into such a horrible situation#callie really might as well be jackie tbh#like i guess i’ve never really considered cassie to be a uhhh metaphor for jackie#?#but god damn#it’s all kinda clicking for me rn#yellowjackets#jackie taylor#shauna shipman#jackieshauna#yellowjackets spoilers
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"this is the price of being powerful. sometimes we step on ants." spoken like a guy who fucked around and found out with Time Itself at the cost of many human lives and will continue to fuck around if it means his siblings aren't the ants being stepped on anymore
#𝐢⠀:⠀𝚘𝚘𝚌. . .⠀⠀drive a ship i cannot steer.#they were literally the ants growing up....#and reggie absolutely used their ~power to save the world~ as an excuse to treat them that way <3#anyway stop projecting king#viktor has enough problems smh#“we will never save enough lives to make up for the ones that we take” you were literally a time assassin for half a decade. meanwhile#viktor had a gun go off half an inch from his ear mid brand new sound power usage and accidentally blew up the moon#one is more drastic than the other yeah but they are NOT the same!!!#firm believer that saving the world is an easy side quest to his main quest of saving his family from dying young on his watch#while he can still do smth stop it even if that smth is fucking w TIME because. he refuses to not be there when it happens ever ever again#as long as he has the proximity and ability to save them he will#too many thoughts spawned by a single gifset. it haunts me cj thank you
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beat and motion is making me want to sit down and pick up a dream project of mine i abandoned a full decade ago and have been haunted by ever since
#it was not good. it was bad#but there is something about it. something that's haunted me every fcuking minute of these last decade#i don't know what it is. but it has haunted me.#so. i think i may try to write skyline again.#because it turns out that when you leave one of your dreams behind you remember why you had it in the first place
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why did the nightmare before christmas clown guy have a tear away face. that was so fucked up
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really stupid that once I finally get over the fear of being judged for what I write, I dive headfirst into the "the stuff you write is too niche because it's only original characters why bother no one's going to read that lol" hole
#peace? never heard of her#determined to be extra cringe and do whatever i want this year though#been thinking a lot about a book i read as a teen#that i blame for creating this entire mess#there's a quote that has been haunting me for over a decade#virgil chats#tbd
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ik i've talked about this before but. sometimes i still just try to wrap my head around how my dad could possibly think a logical course of action—after his wife who was trying to divorce him and his 15 year old child called 911 because of his abusive behavior which led to him getting arrested—would be to get a friend to bail him out of jail and then walk BACK TO THAT VERY HOUSE HE WAS JUST FORCIBLY ESCORTED OUT OF. AT 3 IN THE MORNING.
#this was LITERALLY a decade ago and it STILL is just. haunting. like hUHHH?????????????#for anyone curious yes he was immediately arrested again. bc in the few hours he had been gone we got granted an emergency restraining orde#i miss the restraining orders... i liked the sense of security/consequence. he doesn't know where we live anymore so i feel Better than at#the last place (where he wasn't SUPPOSED to know where we lived but my high school had severely fucked up & put that info out there haha 🙃)#at least but there's still just... idk! after that time he Came To My Place Of Work To Bother Me right after the restraining order was take#away from us it just... has always made me so extra fucking jumpy because you never fucking know!!!!!#grandpa max is god? i go to church now
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there are things that you don't do for a year or more and pick up just right where you left off and these days i fear loving you might be one of them
#double meaning on that but. yeah.#it's like. i haven't touched the imaging software i use for an entire year. soldering iron in decades. pick it right back up. to my surpris#muscle memory is crazy#i don't draw for months and pick up right where i was with a few sketches bc the work you put in stays even when you don't actively practic#when it's something you've practiced weekly and daily it sticks with you and ig that's good#but then it's like. the horrors. that haunt you. yk? what if a part of me will always save a soft spot for my ex. what then.#what if I'm fine now and I'm doing okay and i don't miss it and I think i'm okay moving forward and i see her and suddenly I'm on the floor#what if some part of me that was in love never really went away what if i haven't managed to kill all of it yet#bc i genuinely would not know what to do. i. i don't want to admit it but one of my worst fears is liking someone who doesn't like you back#and what's even more horrifying is if it's obvious. if everyone can tell. and usually I'm good at hiding it! (not really) but it's just. id#it's shame in liking someone who you tell yourself you don't want to like and you know you shouldn't. and not having control over it.#hoping praying that either she does something that turns the little switch in my head that sends her into the unforgivable category#or that i become straight. or that i become straight. mhm. yep. or ig the other option is i get a crush on someone new but like. mm.#i kinda have gotten w every person I've had a crush on since hs and i kinda don't think im ready for another rs so soon.#the baggage i just got is. hm. idk i kinda don't wanna unpack it. it's something that can easily be done if i had the missing pieces but.#i don't think I'm ever gonna get them. so. instead I'm gonna take. maybe another 3 months or 5 months or a year or a few. to just. slowly.#idek. it's just triggering old things. bringing me back to when i was 14. i never really got closure from that either. it took me 3 years.#I'm sure this time it'll go away faster but idk experiencing it a second time has a different feel to it. idk. it's weird.#it's like. idk. it's like you're watching it happen and you're not even there anymore. idk. i really don't know.#oh. I've been dissociating.#idk maybe it's for the best i really don't know i really don't know and everyone says i have to do what's best for myself but idk what is#my life is on track things are moving forward I'm doing better and healing but i can't escape the feeling of dread#something is going to catch up with me sooner or later and idk what it is idk at what intensity and idk if i will be ready for it#but anyway. when you love someone intentionally every day for a while. when does it go away? will it go away?#or will i have to live haunted by ppl who are alive but changed. so practically dead w/o the opportunity to mourn. for the rest of my life?#like i don't think i get it. loving this person was like. cooking and eating. intentional. ingrained into everyday life. effortful.#what if my mind does forget but my body still remembers. what then. what if it's like searching for sth you don't remember having anymore#ig I'm just trying to figure out how much to forget these days. how much won't hurt if it all comes back to haunt me#delete later
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