#that had taken some steps in previous eps sure

[whateverisbeautiful]

♥️Reveling in Richonne - TOWL

#9: The 5 Pizzas & A Wedding Ring (1.01)

gif cred: @twdfranchise

The Greatest Yearner and Loverboy of All Time award goes to…Rick Grimes. 🏆

No one is doing it like him and it’s always a welcomed sight to see how utterly in love Rick is with Michonne. In Michonne, Rick found a rare gem that brings out the most romantic side of him to the point that he could have such a gorgeous proposal dream and in it give us six words that became iconic as soon as they were said...🍕🍕🍕🍕🍕💍😊

So first, I found the timing of these three dreams to be telling, especially the third and final one.

The first dream arrives after Rick is nearly on death's door after chopping off his hand and bleeding out. The second dream arrives after Rick has joined the CRM, forced to integrate into their uniformity as a potential getaway route.

And then the third dream arrives after Rick has chosen to die while still alive. Each time he comes close to losing himself, either literally or figuratively, a dream of Michonne arrives as his subconscious' last-ditch effort to hold onto who he really is and his other half.

While his mind tells him he’s dead now - his heart still seeks out the woman who made him feel most alive. Even Dead Rick can’t lose Michonne completely. They’re far too one. And every time he needs her, just like in real life, she shows up. 🥹

Here in this dream, she still shows up even after Rick declares he’s no longer alive and can’t see her anymore because, as Michonne says later, their love can’t be denied. 👌🏽

gif cred: @kimwexlersponytail

That’s why I really love that this gorgeous dream arrives after his last letter.

You’d think this dream scene would have been placed before the letter to show the last time he sees her and then he’d write the letter saying 'I don’t see you anymore.' But no - they have the dream arrive after the letter and I believe that is very much intentional and I love what it says about Richonne’s love.

Even if her memory is fading from him there is still a part of his mind that can always find her. That’s part of why it's so sweet that Dream Michonne told Rick that she eats lunch at that bench every day in the previous dream because it’s essentially telling him 'you know where to find me. If you need me I’ll always be here.' 

gif cred: @richardgrimes

And Rick takes that to heart, eagerly waiting at that bench for her to show up. And sure enough, even after choosing to live but die, even after saying I don’t see you anymore, Michonne still shows up looking like a vision in white and like the bride Rick views her as. (Also she has on some thigh-high boots because of course Rick’s brain was gonna add some heightened sex appeal to the look knowing how he views Michonne. 😋)

I like how in the first dream, Michonne was sitting on the bench and Rick was taken aback by her beautiful self. And now in this third dream, Rick is the one parked on the bench ready and anticipating her arrival. And of course, he comes bearing the gift of food because one; homeboy loves showing love through getting things for Michonne, especially food, and two; he was like 'I’m not showing up empty-handed to this surprise lunch date.' Just like he wasn’t gonna show up empty-handed from his run when Michonne asked for toothpaste in their canon ep. 😊

Regarding the stage-play-to-their-real-TWD-journey metaphor, one thing that made these already special dreams even more special once I saw episode 4 is realizing that Rick had lost the memory of Carl by this point, and that was when Michonne showed up. Similar to their real journey, Rick lost Carl but before he could sink into the depths of despair with no way out, Michonne was able to step in and be there for him and bring him back. And she’s still doing that years later by showing up in these dreams and being the motivating light he needs during this dark chapter of life. 

So Rick sits on the park bench on a nice quiet day as he cutely taps his fingers on the fresh pizza box and awaits that beautiful mystery woman’s return. And everything about the both of them is so adorable in this dream. Their outfits, smiles, and conversation is just perfection. Like y’all, I’m rewatching to write this post, and the way I am smiling so big cuz I can’t help it lol. 🤭 They just go together like no couple has ever gone together before, in any world. 

gif cred: @nerd4music

Rick hears footsteps and looks over to see Michonne approach in her elegant white outfit and she looks surprised but happy to see he’s here waiting for her. Of course, Rick would hear that she eats here everyday and make it a priority to be there early and ready to see her. Nothing else is more important than being with her.

And Rick immediately starts explaining what he’s up to acknowledging, “This is a pretty bold move but you said you believed in me.” One; I love that he’s boldly pursuing her and two; I especially love that he again recalls how much Michonne believes in him. Her belief clearly means so much to him in his dreams and in reality.

gif cred: @richardgrimes

Also, the pizza really does remind me of the canon ep mints in that it’s something Rick is using to make his move and find his moment with her. 😋

Then Rick says, “So if you want this bench to yourself, I can take this large pizza past the big blue building and eat it alone at my miserable desk at my miserable job.” First of all - the most charming man in existence. 🥰

But also this is why I think the “job” in these dreams is a symbol of the CRM. He did eventually go to wherever that map said but he’s miserable there and that would demonstrate how he’s accepted being stuck with the CRM and he’s miserable there too.

gif cred: @richardgrimes

I love seeing Rick have this playful energy with Michonne tho. In real life she also brought that side out of him. And I love it because it just goes to show how they got to know every part of each other. Like so many in the CRM know Rick as the scowler and so many back home know Rick as their fearless leader but Michonne knows he has a happy face too and a very playful flirty side as well. 

Michonne affirms, “I do believe in you.” Which I just love. It’s so true to who she is outside of these dreams too. Always believing so strongly in Rick and letting him know it.

It's so sweet that Rick's mind continually reminds him that Michonne believes in him.  And it’s also sad because I feel like it’s only in these dreams where Rick gets to experience the gentle compassionate tenderness of someone who loves and believes in him.

gif cred: @richardgrimes

And then she cutely adds, “And I do like pizza” while giving Rick such a sweet smile and sitting next to him on the bench as he turns to give her all his attention. 

gif cred: @lousolversons

As she sits down she tells Rick, “But shut up about your misery. You’re not stuck anywhere.” And I love that this shows how Rick loved the part of Michonne that could always call him out too. In TWD, Michonne never shied away from letting Rick know when he might need a shift in perspective.

That's part of why they're a perfect match - they can call each other out and call each other higher and it only makes the other respect them even more.

gif cred: @riickgrimes

Michonne was always so good at helping Rick see things from a fuller and more positive vantage point. It’s why Rick so assuredly told her she led him here in Say Yes. So I really appreciate that his mind recalls that side of Michonne and how it shows he loves everything about her including her direct honesty. 

Rick looks out for a second, looking like he still believes he’s stuck a bit, and then he says, “Well you said you’re not where you want to be” in a tone that’s just so gentle and tender it makes me melt.

And once again him repeating her words back to her is so true to the character. In real life and in his dreams, Rick will always take every word Michonne says to heart, so of course he remembers what she said from the other dreams and brings them up here.

gif cred: @riickgrimes

And the way he looks at her after he says this...There’s a couple moments in this one dream where Rick is the heart-eyed emoji personified and that was one of them. 😍

It’s interesting that he brings up how Michonne said she’s not where she wants to be. It’s like this is him saying, “Aren’t we both stuck?”

And while irl Rick and Michonne are in less-than-ideal situations because they’ve had to go so long without each other, Rick’s mind then accurately envisions how Michonne would approach their unfortunate circumstances. She acknowledges she's both not where she wants to be and not stuck, when she tells him, “I’m not. But I’m not stuck either.” 

gif cred: @riickgrimes

Going back to the metaphorical side of things, I think this is Rick’s mind telling him that while Michonne isn’t exactly where she wants to be because she’s not with him, she hasn’t been living life like she’s stuck. With raising kids, she can’t. She’s had to keep going even with a whole part of her heart missing and trapped with the CRM. 

Then signature to Michonne, she gives Rick a major motivating dose of encouragement when she confidently tells him, “We can make this whole damn world ours if we want to.” Love it. 🥰

gif cred: @twdfranchise

And Richonne really can conquer the world and save it and I love how Rick’s dreams are reminding him of the power of Richonne and how the two of them could do anything. I’ve always said Rick relishes and is fully aware that he and Michonne are a power couple, with eps like TWD 7.10 making that clear. 

Then Rick has another heart-eyed moment as he hears her say this. 😍 He looks at her with a smile, adoring yet another part of Michonne - the part of her that always believes in their ability to overcome, rise above, and make the world better.

gif cred: @alwaysthequietones

Rick irl didn’t have aspirations of being some world leader with giant world-conquering goals - he truly could be content building a thriving small community so long as he had his wife and kids every day. But he’s more than willing to take on the world with Michonne.

And this dream shows that she is the one who makes him feel like even when they feel stuck or miserable, they can still win and not let the world defeat them. 

After saying this, Michonne gives Rick the cutest playful smile and I adore it so much. 😊

gif cred: @twdfranchise

And honey, Rick adores her smile so much too because the way he looks at her and lets out a little laugh...I’m telling you right now that man is so aware that he's wrapped around her finger and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

It's clear Rick loves seeing Michonne like this. You can just feel how much he loves her, admires her, and enjoys her. And their chemistry just leaps off the screen. 

gif cred: @alwaysthequietones

This dream also reminds me of when we saw him hallucinate Michonne in his final TWD ep. There as well he just knew Michonne would be a presence that calms him and motivates him like no other.

And truly falling in love with Michonne is one of Rick's proudest achievements because even in his last full episode of TWD he hallucinates her talking about why she fell in love with him. By having this proposal dream after feeling he died a failure, it’s almost like his subconscious is recalling one of the biggest ways he succeeded, which is in landing the baddest chick in the game. 👌🏽

And I adore how each time we’ve ever seen Michonne in Rick’s mind she always has this radiant smile which shows it’s something Rick really loves about her. And where so many might know Michonne as more serious, Rick loves the smiley part of her that he knows so well. 

He also often imagines kissing her which is another thing he loves. 😋

So after Rick laughs in a way that makes it feel like Michonne’s love and beauty both center him and make him dizzy, he’s basically like 'before we make the world ours, I want to make you mine.' And he starts by asking, “What if I came here one day…”

gif cred: @riickgrimes

I love Michonne’s intrigued and encouraging “mm-hmm.” You can definitely see she's charmed by this handsome man and likes him a whole lot. 😊

gif cred: @twdfranchise

Then Rick continues in just the cutest and best way ever, saying, “with 5 pizzas…” 😊

gif cred: @riickgrimes

And Michonne gives a smitten laugh which makes Rick smile, happy to see that he could make her laugh. 😊

gif cred: @twdfranchise

I love that the five pizzas call back to Say Yes when Michonne had Rick giggling as she says she’s going to eat five more of those MREs. Seeing a Say Yes callback in the premiere had me elated. 🥰

Also, call me crazy, but I’m telling myself '5 pizzas' was a hint at Michonne ultimately ending up with 5 kids too - Andre, Carl, Judith, RJ, and the way Rick and Michonne were in TOWL, baby #5 might be otw sooner than later. 😋 (even though in my ideal scenario Rick also gets some time to really focus on RJ, Judith, and Michonne before a new kid is added to the Grimes family 👌🏽)

And just the idea that Rick would playfully be like 'since you like pizza let me come back with tons of boxes for you' is sweet and very him lol. --- But he also wants to come here one day not just with pizza boxes but a very special jewelry box. 🙌🏽

Cuz then y’all, this show tries to make me pass out because this heartwarming moment gets even better as Rick smiles and looks Michonne in her eyes to say, “…and a wedding ring.”  🫠

Won’t. He. Do. It. Y’all!!!!!!! 🥳 “5 pizzas and a wedding ring” is an instant classic. I adore it with everything in me. 🥹

gif cred: @riickgrimes

This is the moment where I literally stopped breathing on premiere day. 🤭 Like I was already just swooning over the 5 pizzas thing and then he said “and a wedding ring” and I was so gagged. It was and is everything. 🤩

I had been crossing my fingers for rings in TOWL and this ep made me feel confident it was gonna happen because Rick was already dreaming about it. (And then we'll find out in ep 5 he’d actually been dreaming about it long before he was taken from her on that bridge.🥲)

Of course, Rick would want to propose to her in these dreams even after just one time on a bench together. 😋 Homeboy said 'I’ll learn your name and everything later but first will you spend the rest of your life with me?' lol.

Rick might not know her first name in these dreams yet but he knows exactly what he wants her last name to be. 🤗

I think it’s so sweet that he’s trying to wife her up so quickly. I feel like it connects to how in their actual TWD journey once Rick and Michonne became a romantic couple in s6 they weren’t girlfriend and boyfriend they were husband and wife. Also, in any dimension, all Rick wants is to build a world with her because she is his world. 🥲

And then I absolutely love getting to see Michonne’s response to Rick revealing he wants to marry her. 🥹 It makes my heart so happy. She was all just tickled by him and the five pizzas thing and then she heard 'wedding ring' and paused and smiled, seeing how much Rick meant it in his eyes.

gif cred: @lousolversons

Michonne looks right into his eyes, tilts her head (and I notice Rick moves his head at the exact same time in the same way cuz magnets 🧲 ) and she gives a beautiful smile as she assuredly nods and tenderly says, “I think you should do that.” 😭

I love the delivery of that line. Like once again Danai slayed. And Andy too. Like this moment is the epitome of Richonne gold. 🙌🏽

gif cred: @twdfranchise

I so appreciate the way this dream confirmed that in any world Rick would make the proposal and in any world, Michonne would say yes. They both are so quickly on the same page about wanting forever with each other just like in their reality. 

And Rick has just the sincerest smile and joy radiating on his face upon hearing Michonne say she does want him like he wants her. 🥹

I love that his mind knows Michonne would be so receptive had he formally proposed. Also, I adore this eye-acting moment as Rick beams and then has this realization that he’s finally going to get the honor of kissing her.

gif cred: @nat111love

They slowly lean in and have just the most precious kiss. Like they're so good at making a kiss equally sweet and sexy. It was a joy to see the first Richonne kiss in years 🙌🏽 - and little did we know we were in for literally over 100 more in this miniseries lol. Love that for us. 😋

gif cred: @nat111love

The first Richonne kiss in TOWL is so pretty and passionate...and it's also the tamest one of the miniseries. 😅 Because once those two reunite their hunger for each other really knows no bounds. 👌🏽

It’s great that through these dreams they found a way for Richonne to kiss in every ep, even before Richonne officially reunited. Also, I always love those Richonne kisses where they can’t help but smile during it and this was one of those. The joy Richonne brings each other brings me joy.

I also really like how it’s filmed similar to their first kiss on the couch in their canon ep, both with the framing from behind the bench and the way Rick looks at her before leaning in.

And I also love seeing Michonne definitely being eager too as she's the one to subtly lean in for that second kiss. 😋

gif cred: @nat111love

Ep 1 really came out the gate letting us know that when they said TOWL was an epic love story oh they meant that. This was such a top tier moment of Rick living his best Hallmark life with his wife. 😌

There’s also a shade of sadness to this moment because it’s almost like Rick has had to give up on ever seeing Real Michonne and so this is him locking down Dream Michonne, almost accepting that this is the closest he’ll ever get to having her in his life and giving her that ring he’s longed to give her for years.

It's like now his mind is prepared to live forever with the dream version of her instead. 🥲

gif cred: @msanonships

So after that kiss which is really a thing of beauty, the lovely moment is sadly fleeting as the kiss is quickly interrupted by more depressing images such as a burning walker, burning crops, and, the saddest of all, a burning Michonne as she becomes enveloped in flames on the bench. 😢

gif cred: @nat111love

Dissecting those images, I think the corpse is Rick being reminded of the fact that he’s had to die, the burning crops is Rick being reminded of why he had to die - it was to save his family like his dad saved his - and then seeing Michonne in the flames is a reminder of who he’s had to die for.

Losing the image of those he loves is such a tragic side effect of the trauma he's endured. 😢 And it’s intentional for Michonne to burn away rather than just disappear or fade away because again fire has this dual meaning - it saves and destroys. And it's like that’s what Rick‘s subconscious does with this vision of Michonne - destroys it to save her.

As she’s wrapped in flames the one thing Rick still knows for certain is his wife believes in him as Michonne says one last time, “I believe in you.” before vanishing from his mind.

Rick tries to speak to her repeating, “l think…” but he can’t get any words out. 🥺 I wonder what he was about to say. (At the pace they were moving in these dreams he might’ve been about to say “I think we should have a baby” 🤭) But fr, it breaks my heart seeing him so badly want to express something but becoming overwhelmed and putting his hand out wanting to touch her but he can’t anymore.

It’s so sad to see his moment of pure bliss with Michonne burn away and see him stutter at a loss for words as all he can do is just watch her be taken from him again and the moment be replaced with things he mentioned in his letter like blood and metal rotors. He really had to lose Michonne and Carl twice. 😥

So then Rick sees his house burning, the windmills outside his apartment, and helicopters and walker-kills from his lifeless shifts as a consignee as he’s plucked back to reality. However, even in that montage he still sees Michonne in the flames one more time. I’d like to think that shows that she is still within him somewhere. She still can show up even if just for a millisecond now. 

gif cred: @nat111love

And then most devastating of all is the final moment of this dream when the montage concludes with the bridge explosion and Rick being startled awake by the memory of Real Michonne screaming his name in agony. Oh this breaks my heart for real. 💔

So when breaking down the first dream of this premiere I mentioned how Rick hears himself call out to Michonne and then recalls the bridge moment when Michonne calls out to him, which is clearly a memory that still torments Rick all these years later. But then to cope with that painful bridge memory at the top of the episode his mind immediately took him and Michonne to this serene park bench. 

I think it’s very telling and intentional that rather than go from the reality of the bridge to the tranquility of the dream - this time around he goes from the tranquility of his dream to the reality of the bridge. It’s like he can’t use these peaceful dreams to run from the reality of how he and Michonne’s story actually left off anymore.

And it pains me so much that a dream that joyous between them now leaves Rick just with the visceral tragic memory of Michonne hurting and screaming out for him.

I know it haunts him so much that he can’t call back out to her. That he can’t comfort her when he knows she’s in pain. To know she saw him on that bridge and had to think the love of her life died right in front of her eyes. That is such a heavy thing that weighs on Rick and now that he can’t see her face anymore, it’s like all he has left is her voice - her anguished voice as they both went through the unbearable and lost each other. 

gif cred: @andy-clutterbuck

Rick startles awake upon hearing his wife scream his name and he appears to have a heavy heart from that dream-turned-nightmare. It’s terrible that a dream so good ended so bad, especially when these dreams were quite literally what was keeping Rick alive.

A line from Carl to Michonne in his final s8 episode always comes to mind when I see this. It's when Carl tells Michonne, “Don’t carry this. Not this part.” It makes me think about how most of the time when something or someone you love comes to an end there’s so much grief surrounding the ending that it can make the sad ending louder than all the good memories.

For Richonne, there was such an abundance of good in their relationship and it’s devastating that it came to an abrupt tragic end that day on the bridge. That’s not the type of final note a one-of-a-kind soul mate pairing like that should have. And so in some ways, Rick had been trying not to carry that part by taking his mind to those idyllic dreams. And then it’s heartbreaking to see even the dream get burned to ashes as he starts to lose a core part of himself in losing the image of her.

It’s painful for us to see the last dream before Rick couldn’t see her face anymore. The trauma inflicted by the CRM has just stripped away the faces of two of the most important people in Rick’s life. That’s bound to make one lose themselves completely. 😔

gif cred: @andy-clutterbuck

And in the last few minutes of the episode, Rick does seem like now he’s ready to lose himself in Okafor’s mission.

But fortunately, none of that will be happening. Because just when Rick thought he’d be stuck with the CRM for good…Michonne and her genius bestie had other plans. 😏👌🏽

[offside-the-lines]

tell me who i run to (if not you) | anthony beauvillier | Ep 2. Winter

This is a completed series! Read Full Fic | 🧸 Series Cover Page/Masterlist 🧁 | 🎵 Playlist 🎶 << Previous Episode || Ep 2 || Next Episode >>

Chapter Summary: Tito injures his wrist in the first game of 2024, he’s out for 6-8 weeks and then his car breaks down. He thinks maybe he’s cursed. Evie becomes a shoulder to lean on. Barzy gets suspicious.

A/N: You can refer to cover page for the series summary, author's notes, tropes, general warnings and other fun tidbits. This series contains mature themes. Minors DNI. Disclaimer: This series is set in Chicago but does not mention the name of the team.

Word count: 4.4k // 44.5k

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I. Winter

Evie — December 31

In the past few days, her text chain with Tito has settled into a nice rhythm. At first, it was a couple of texts a day: when one of them saw a funny Instagram post or reel, they would send it to the other. 

Things changed on Friday when she broke her usual routine of curling up on her couch with a blanket and book and instead found herself watching Tito's game. Her book lay untouched in her lap as her eyes tracked number 91 across the ice. After the game, she stayed up later than she meant to, eagerly picking up her phone every time it vibrated with a new text from Tito.

So, she concluded, I watch hockey now.

Which is why Evie ends up being late for the New Year’s party that Kelsey had invited her to. She couldn’t bear to leave when she had planned to, watching as the score kept ratcheting up for the wrong team. Her stomach curled every time Tito’s frustrated face is shown. 

To Tito 🌞🏒: i’m sorry about the loss, tito. fucking sucks. i hope you’ll still try to enjoy your new year’s eve?

By the time she gets to the party, she’s glad she can slip in among the partygoers without much fuss; everyone’s already a little tipsy on champagne. She knows she keeps pulling out her phone to check her notifications, but she can only hope she doesn't seem too rude.

It’s almost 11:30 pm when her phone buzzes, and she’s surprised to see it’s an incoming call and not a text. She slips out to the balcony as she connects the call.

Tito’s voice comes through too loud, “Evie!”

She laughs, “Hi, Tito. You good?”

“Yeah, you said I should enjoy my New Year’s Eve, so I went out with some of the guys,” he says, his words slurring ever so slightly. Evie can hear the background noise dim through the phone as if he had also stepped outside.

“New Year’s Eve in Dallas; you living it up?”

He laughs, “Dickie’s taken us to some fancy bar he used to go to. There’s a bunch of the Stars guys here too. Not that I really want to see them right now,” he groans.

“God, yeah. I saw, I’m sorry. That was a rough way to end the year.”

“Yeah, well…” He clears his throat and tries to inject some levity into his voice, “I don’t want to think about that right now. We’re trying to have fun, right? What're you up to?”

“Kelsey— my coworker— she’s also friends with Leanne— she invited me to a party. I’m at someone’s penthouse apartment. I have no idea whose. It’s pretty cool, though— Great view. There’s a lot of people, actually.”

Tito whistles. “A lot of choices for a midnight kiss then, eh?”

“I guess?” she laughs. “How much have you had to drink?”

“Not that much,” he says unconvincingly. Evie can picture him scrunching his face at his own blatant lie.

“Okay,” she laughs, “I’ll have to let you go back then. Get some more champagne in you.”

“Nah,” he whines a little. “No midnight kisses in there. Fuck! I’m going to be even more unlucky next year if I don’t get a kiss.”

It startles a laugh out of her. “Anthony, buddy, I don’t think that’s a thing,” she chuckles, shaking her head.

He hums and doesn’t say anything else.

“Are you making friends at least?” she asks.

“Eh… more like passing time. A party’s a party, right?” 

“Come on, I’m sure it’s not that bad.”

“They’re not!” he says a little too loud before repeating himself, “They’re not bad. That isn't what I meant. I just… I don’t know. I don’t really know if we’re friends, so much, just teammates.”

Evie softens. “Jason and Alandra were nice. They seemed to be trying to be your friend, at least. I bet he had to drag you out tonight.” 

“Yeah, he’s cool. It’s just—” He groans. “I think we’re both a little too drunk to try to figure out the difference between a buddy in the league who I’ll spend a couple of months playing with and will almost never talk to again and a friend.”

Leanne catches her eye through the glass and raises an eyebrow in question. Evie sends a small smile back. 

“It’s tough, Tito, to move around. I’m sorry this year has been so fucked for you as well.” She sighs. “Listen, I gotta get back inside. Leanne's making weird faces at me. And you should go back inside, too.”

She hears Tito suck in a shallow breath, voice once again full of false cheer, “Of course, of course. Shit, sorry for being a fucking downer. I promise I’ll go back inside and have a good time.”

“Have fun, dude. You’re a hot professional athlete at a fancy bar on New Year’s Eve. I think you’re not going to have any trouble finding someone to kiss at midnight.”

“You think I’m hot?” his voice genuinely lightens; she could hear the smile lighting up his face.

“Goodnight, Tito,” she laughs pointedly, “Happy New Year.”

She hears him finally let out another genuine laugh, a sound that warms her despite the cold Chicago air, “Happy New Year, Evie. I’m really glad we reconnected last week. It’s nice to have a friend in the city.”

And with that, they hang up, and she slips back into the throng of party-goers. She doesn’t get far before Leanne catches her elbow.

“What was that?” Leanne asks, handing over a new champagne glass.

“Oh. It was Tito.”

Leanne’s eyebrows immediately jump. “Oh yeah? You guys are calling now?”

“I mean, I guess? That’s the first time we’ve called so,” she shrugs.

“Mhmm,” Leanne hums, clearly unconvinced, a smirk lacing her lips.

Evie bumps her shoulder. “Oh, shut up. His team just lost 8-1 on New Year’s Eve. It fucking sucked. Cut him some slack.”

“Yikes. Okay, in the spirit of the season, I’ll let it slide just this once.”

Evie laughs and rolls her eyes, letting herself relax into the drink and the rhythm of the people celebrating around her.

Evie — January 2

To Tito 🌞🏒: shit, just saw the hit. are you okay?!!

Evie sits on her couch and stares at her silent phone, her knee bouncing. She hasn’t been able to sit still since she saw the hit, and it just got worse with each replay, so she turned her TV off. But now, she's just sitting in unsettling silence— I’m not entirely sure that this is better.

She checks her phone again. It has been 15 minutes since she watched Tito skate himself off the ice, clutching his left arm. She calms herself with the thought that his silence doesn’t mean there’s something very wrong; if they were running tests, it might just take a while before he sees his phone. 

She decides to make a cup of tea and pick up her book again. It makes her feel a little settled, but not enough, as she’s still checking her phone every few seconds. If she’s honest, she's just reading the same page over and over.

Finally, an hour later, her phone lights up, and she picks it up so fast it almost flies out of her hand.

Tito 🌞🏒: doc says it’s probably broken. they’ve immobilized it but i have to come home for more tests.

“Shit,” she says to her empty apartment, hitting Dial on her phone. She fiddles with a loose thread on her shorts as the call tone rings before she finally hears the click of Tito picking up.

“Tito,” she says too loud, leaping up from her couch. Her book crashes to the floor, startling her; she sits back down in embarrassment.

“Hey,” his voice sounds tired.

“Hey,” she responds, voice gentler, “Shit, I’m so sorry about your wrist, Tito.”

He sighs, “Yeah. It was so fucking stupid. I shouldn’t’ve had my hand like that there.”

“Hey! Dude, no. This is not your fault. And maybe it’s not the other guy's fault, either. But it’s definitely not your fault. How many times have you done the exact same thing and not been hurt? It’s not your fault.”

Tito’s silent for a bit; she listens to the jagged ins and outs of this breath. Eventually, with a voice so quiet, she’s only able to hear him due to the utter silence in her apartment: “Yeah, I guess. Thanks.”

She feels a lump form in her throat and tries to clear it away. “You said they’re sending you home?”

“Yeah. It’s definitely broken, so I won’t be playing for a while. It’s probably too late for a flight tonight, so I’m probably going to be on an early one tomorrow.”

They're both silent for a moment, letting that hang in the air.

“Can I pick you up from the airport?”

“You really don’t have to do that. The team’ll pay for a Lyft.”

“Are you going to be on pain meds?”

“Yeah. I’m already feeling it, to be honest,” Tito says with a light laugh.

“Are they sending you back alone?”

“Yeah, it isn't a concussion, so I don’t need supervision.”

“Okay. Then, I would like to pick you up if that’s okay.”

“I—” He pauses for a long time, breaths getting heavier. When he continues talking, his voice comes through thick, “I really don’t want to put you out, but if you’re offering, I would really like that.”

“Well, I'm offering, so I’ll see you tomorrow. Text me the deets?”

“Yeah.” She feels something in her chest loosen. “And Evie?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.”

She chuckles, “No problem. Text me. And try to have a good sleep.”

“You too,” he whispers, pausing before hanging up.

Putting her phone down on the coffee table, she lets out a shaky breath.

Evie — January 3

“Are you sure you want me to drop you off at yours?” Evie asks, looking over to Tito in her passenger seat. His curls poke out under the hood of his sweater, and his skin looks pale and clammy. His usually bright blue eyes are dulled, shadowy smudges betraying his lack of sleep. 

He sends her a soft smile before closing his eyes and leaning back against the headrest. “Yes, please.” His voice sounded as tired as he looked.

“Okay.” 

Evie reaches over and gives his good hand a light squeeze before pulling away from the airport. She keeps the drive to his apartment quiet, and she's surprised that she feels less tense than on her drive to O’Hare despite the silence. 

Every so often, she peeks over at Tito, cradling his wrist, eyes closed, and face carefully neutral. She doesn’t feel good about leaving him alone in his apartment, but she also knows that they haven’t known each other long enough for her to insist.

Half an hour later, she pulls into the entrance of a very fancy-looking apartment building in the center of Downtown Chicago. The doorman helps them unload Tito’s suitcase and drags it into the lobby for him. 

Too soon, they're left standing at the curb.

“Thank you so much,” Tito says, his tired eyes warming a little as he regards her.

“It’s absolutely no problem. Please let me know if you need any help, okay? I make my own hours and work from home for a reason. Call me anytime.”

His smile broadens. “Seriously, Evie. Thank you. You didn’t have to come get me.”

“I know. I wanted to.”

Tito leans in for a hug that Evie reciprocates, careful to avoid his broken hand. They stay connected for a few seconds longer than normal, but neither complains.

“Alright, I’ll leave you be then,” Evie says after they disconnect, stepping into her car with a nod.

Tito remains at the curb, one hand in a sling, the other reaching up for a wave as she pulls away. His figure stays in her rearview until she turns the corner.

Tito — January 11

The days that follow the injury become monotonous quickly. Tito wakes up. He does his morning routine. He takes his pain meds. He rides with Foligno and Bedard into the training facility. He gets poked at by some doctors and told to not do anything with his hand. He rides the bike by himself while everyone else gets to skate. He avoids Bedsy angrily pouting in the hallways; not his rookie, not his problem. He goes home and sits on his couch, just clicking play on whatever comes up on Netflix. He eats his microwavable frozen meal plan. He watches the team drop three of four games. He sleeps. 

Rinse and repeat. 

It has only been a week, and he's close to losing his mind already. The only bright spots are his ongoing text conversation with Evie, and his daily FaceTime calls with Barz. The boxes still sit unopened in the corner; well, at least he has a good excuse now. 

Today was meant to be a break in the monotony. While the team is on a short road trip, Tito’s schedule is a little different. No one ever talks about how uncomfortable it is to drive with a broken wrist. The facility is only 15 minutes away, so he figures that he’ll go in to see the trainers and maybe do some grocery shopping afterward. 

The plan was going quite well until he noticed that he had a flat tire on his way to the grocery store. 

He pulls over to the side of the road and just sits there for a minute, fighting the urge to cry. He rests his forehead on the steering wheel, letting out a small scream before he gets out to assess the damage. He mutters a few choice swears when he eventually finds the big nail in his tire. 

He pulls out his phone and texts Evie while he returns to the driver's seat.

To evie 🧁: i told you my year would be unlucky [attachment: photo of his flat tire]

He starts looking for the roadside assistance card, but since it's a new rental, he’s still frustratedly fumbling around when his phone rings.

“Hello?” he answers, not even looking at his phone.

“Tito, what’s going on?”

He pauses his rustling, surprised to hear Evie’s warm voice pouring through the sound system. The familiarity of the French immediately relaxes him. He sighs.

“Oh, um. I was driving to the store. And I just realized the tire was flat. I think the hole has been there for a while, but because of the wrist and stuff, I hadn’t driven since before the roadie.”

“Shit. That’s annoying. Where are you? You wanna drop me a pin or something. I can help you change your tire; you definitely can’t do it with a broken wrist.”

He pauses, surprised by the offer. “Oh! Um… I was just going to call roadside assistance. If I can just find the card…”

“Don’t be stupid. That’s gonna take ages. If you’re close by, I can come help.”

“Um… Are you sure?” 

“Yeah,” she huffs, “I could use a break from the computer anyway. I’ll grab my coat and keys.”

“Okay, if you’re sure. I’m probably not far away because I just left the training center like 5 minutes ago.”

“Sweet, no problem. Drop me a pin, and I’ll be right there.”

In less than 10 minutes, Evie is stepping out of her car in her wool coat, leather gloves, and an oversized winter scarf that cocoons her up to her nose. She smiles and waves as she jogs over to give him a tight hug. Whatever tension was left in his body from the long week drains from his body as her arms wrap tightly around him. 

They remain connected for a few seconds, his face buried in the mess of scarf and hair around her neck; her perfume fills his lungs with warmth despite the cold Chicago winter air.

“Thanks again for coming.”

“Stop thanking me. My god.” She exaggeratedly rolls her eyes as they finally separate. She starts getting all the tools as she says, “I want to help the city’s best winger. It’s a public service. I’ll forward the bill to the owner. Or maybe even the mayor.”

It startles a laugh out of him, relaxed by her light-heartedness. He realizes that he has been kind of down recently, only leaving his apartment for meetings with trainers. 

“Well, I hope you’ll charge them a fair rate, considering the express service surcharge. You did get here very quickly.”

She nods mock-sternly, “Yes, of course.”

With all the necessary tools laid out next to her, she bends down to begin jacking up the car. He fishes out his snow jacket from the trunk and hands it to her. 

“Here. So you don’t have to kneel on the ground.”

She smiles up at him from where she’s knelt, “Thanks.”

The rest of the tire change happens in silence; Tito’s content to let her focus on what she’s doing. He watches intently and doesn't want to acknowledge his embarrassment that, at 26 years old, he still doesn't know how to change a tire. 

As she’s working, it starts to snow lightly. The flakes stand out against her glossy coffee-dark hair that has fallen to curtain her face, and Tito resists the urge to brush it back so she can see better in the overcast dimness. He stuffs his hands in his pockets to have something to do with them.

When she’s done a short while later, she spins around, still kneeling, beaming up at him with pride as she sings, “Voila!” 

At that moment, as she sparkles up at him, their eyes meet, and a snowflake catches on her eyelashes. It hits him square in the chest; this might be the most stunning thing he’s ever seen. The realization knocks into him so unexpectedly that he has to fight through the tightness in his throat to exclaim back in excitement.

“Awesome!” he strains.

“Yep!” Her voice is bright and melodic as she turns back to lower the car. “It’s all done. You’re going to need to get this tire patched or something at a shop, though, and—”

She continues to explain some important details that are totally lost on him as he tries to quash the twisting of his guts. She is indeed beautiful, engaging, and scarily competent, but none of that matters. 

None of that matters because his stay in Chicago is temporary. So he takes that feeling and shoves it down deep. But, he hopes that a transient athlete who is, as it turns out, not very good at his job will adequately fulfill the role of Good Friend.

Being a good friend is something he can do. 

Being a good friend is something he’s good at.

“— groceries for dinner, if you want?” 

He tunes back in just in time to catch the end of what she's saying. Maybe he should also retract the previous statement about being a good friend.

“Um, I’m sorry. I’m feeling kinda out of it. What was the question?”

She laughs and squeezes his elbow sympathetically. “Tito, it’s okay. You’re kinda pale right now. Like, you look like you’re gonna be sick. Look, I know you said you were going to the grocery store, but I really don’t think you should be driving and stuff right now. I’ve got plenty of food at mine. I was probably going to cook pasta or something tonight. Just come over and hang out? It’ll make me feel better.”

He mulls it over, and the dull throbbing in his wrist convinces him to nod. It does sound much better than what he had been doing this past week.

So they do just that. Tito isn't complaining: not about the delicious home-cooked meal or watching B99 again. He didn’t realize he was waiting to watch it with her. They find themselves pausing the show numerous times just to chat about something the show brings up: a memory from childhood, something from her life in Toronto or his life in New York, or just a passionate opinion that they have. 

He's burrowed deep into the opposite end of her couch with the latest cup of tea she has made him, feeling more at home than he has in over a month when he discovers the time is so much later than he thought.

“Oh crap, it’s past 10 pm. I really should get going,” Tito says, finally sitting up.

“Shit, I didn’t even see that,” she laughs. Evie looks out the window. “You know. It’s really late, you’re on pain meds, and the roads look kinda slippery with the new snow. Why don’t you just stay here? This couch actually has a really comfy pull-out bed— my brother Will said so anyway when he visited.”

“Oh,” he pauses, comfortable and heavy-limbed but uncertain, “I don’t really have anything with me.”

“That should be okay. I’ve got a bunch of extra toiletries and some of Brandy and Will’s clothes.”

“Yeah, I guess so. I mean, if that’s really okay with you, I’d love to not have to drive home with my wrist. It sucks.”

“Of course,” she smiles, reaching over and squeezing his knee before standing up and walking into her bedroom.

He figures he should help, so he moves the warm fuzzy blanket she had over her legs and the throw pillows to the corner of the room. He clears the tea mugs that litter the coffee table before pushing it back. He’s inspecting the couch for the pull-out function when Evie returns with a small pile of sheets and clothes and a few pillows.

“Oh, thanks for clearing the space!” She smiles at him brightly. “So, I found you a T-shirt and some sweatpants. There are spare toiletries under the sink.”

“Thanks. You’re truly the best.”

“You are so right,” she winks, laughing softly. 

They put together the couch-bed in tandem, and both take turns getting ready for sleep. Eventually, Evie, in her pajamas, bids him goodnight warmly before shutting her bedroom door, and he's left lying on the pull-out bed looking around at the living room, lit only by the city lights streaming through with big windows. 

Tito — January 19

“Wait, so you’re telling me you’ve been replacing me with this girl, and you haven’t even bothered to introduce us?”

“Okay, Barz, that’s a little dramatic. I have not been replacing you.” Tito desperately pleads with his eyes for Mat to stop talking so loud in this somewhat nice Italian restaurant he and Evie had discovered a few nights ago.

“No, seriously. Why didn’t you invite her? You should invite her. You know what? I’ll do it. Hand me your phone—” Mat makes a desperate grab for Tito’s phone that was sitting face down on the table. 

Tito puts his hand on it and whispers. “Dude, stop it. I’d like to come back here again sometime. The food’s actually so good.”

Mat grins and wiggles his eyebrows, “Oooh, come back here again, like on a date with Evie?” he says, dragging out her name in a suggestive tone.

“No, Barz. Not a date. We’ve been over this. We’re just hanging out- like you and me. We’re friends. That’s it. Neither of us even wants to date right now anyway.”

“Okay, bud. If you say so.” Mat rolls his eyes while taking a sip of his wine. “So, you’re saying if you were both open to dating, you’d be interested.”

“No— Well—” Tito pauses and sighs. “I don’t know. I haven’t really thought about it. And it’s not what’s happening, so it doesn’t matter.”

“Oh, come on, Beau. I’ve known you for ages, dude. There is no way— you’re telling me that you’ve seen her almost every single day, for most of the day, this whole month, and you haven’t even thought about it?”

Tito sighs pointedly, clenching his jaw. “Yes. I haven’t thought about it. Because there’s nothing to think about. We text. We hang out. We watch TV and eat food. We—” He cuts himself off abruptly. He knows if he mentions the sleepovers, even though he's always on the pull-out couch, Mat will take it the wrong way. “Look, I don’t want to talk about this anymore. I get to see you, like, twice during the season. I want to hear all your dumb stories.”

Mat eyes him skeptically but eventually relents. “My stories aren’t dumb. But okay. So, last week…” he excitedly recounts.

The night returns to a familiar rhythm. He misses this: the easy conversation with a guy who’s known you for ten years. There are no awkward lulls or having to explain a joke or backstory. It’s just comfortable, and it feels like home: a warmth burrowed deep in his chest. 

There’s a gaping vacancy that gnaws at him later when he’s lying in his own bed, unable to sleep. It’s almost as if Mat took that feeling of home with him when he gave him a lingering hug goodbye, squeezing Tito so hard it hurt a little.

He stares at the ceiling and thinks about how his favorite sleep shirt— one of his early Islanders t-shirts with a 72 on it— was still at Evie’s apartment. He also thinks about the hoodie that he left there.

The team's about to head on an extended roadie while he remains behind, doing not much. He hates it when he’s the one left behind watching the team play without him. That’s the thing with professional sports. You’re around a team all day, every day, for most of the year. You know everything about everyone. You’re almost never alone. Which makes it all the more stark when you’re with a new group of faces. Or when you’re suddenly stuck at home, injured, and alone.

He leans over and picks up his phone, the sudden brightness of the screen making him squint. 

To evie 🧁 : hey, so on second thought, if the offer still stands, i’d like to stay over this week? totally okay if you changed your mind. just figured it’d be nice to have some company, and you’re much closer to the rink. To evie 🧁: and you still have my favorite hoodie. i want it back.

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[ansbobcar]

RINKA LORE TIME/FUNFACTS [part 1 of idk]

I'm realising I can't squeeze her entire backstory or shits into the span of this fic so here's some stuff I barely expanded upon in the fic in no particular order becuz I lowkey forgot.

There's some spoilers for my fic but they're kinda minor (no big reveals lol)

1. Tsurara's Incident on the Coast (EP 18)

Back when Tsurara became Divine Visionary, her magic output was almost unparalleled… yet incredibly uncontrolled. She was given the task of following Rinka do her usual spring cleaning because Kaldo was sick of her being cooped up in her office all the time. Nothing went wrong until she completely froze over a seaside town after an emotional outburst since Rinka was doing most of the heavylifting.

And subsequently, (big headcanon time), Tsurara's evil eye drew out the maximum output of the hell she brought to the seaside town. Maybe unleashing Nifelheim.

Fortunately, the townspeople were evacuated as per protocol and Rinka utilised Tranquilier (100% guaranteed calming spell) to pacify Tsurara's outburst after getting close enough to block the evil eye's ability to negate/supress magic and considerably reduced her magic output from continuing and casting.

"It's okay, Tsurara," the woman had finally caught the young teen in her embrace. Even amidst the almost absolute zero, the teen realised the pale woman hadn't shivered for a moment as she did. "Focus on me." Her heartbeat was slightly faster than usual, and she breathed a bit heavier from the constant pace she had kept to reach her amidst the sea she had slid into. Yet like last time... "You're still warm," her voice trembled into the collar which was now sullied by her tears. How could someone like the Blood Cane afford to keep herself warm for a waste of space like Tsurara Halestone? Nothing seemed to make sense and did at the same time. Who wouldn't be worried for her suddenly running off amidst a snowstorm? "There there," slowly patting her back, "We've all been alone in a cold, dull place before. It's alright to take small steps with new things," Rinka uttered like a lullaby. "There are many burdens with being a Divine Visionary, especially for someone who holds a passion for magic yet cannot fully appreciate them." "Wasn't your goal to create the best heat retaining fabric the world has ever seen?" A nod was felt at her chest and she chuckled at her soft response. "I can't make them now, the previous head's projects are still up for discussion... I feel like it will never pass..." "Have you tried scouting for parties interested in your ideas and asking for the feedback from the masses during winter? I'm sure they would be thrilled with your ideas," finally utilising Tranquilier on the girl. "You can ask Kaldo for help or even the officers under mine or Ryoh's leadership about materials they need improvement. It's our job to help you as well." "If it takes many little steps, it can be worth it."

Rinka did not sustain as terrible of a damage as a few months prior, however, she was still injured, almost sustaining Frostbite if it wasn't for her incredibly warm disposition (body-heat) while carrying the girl back to the Bureau.

2. Ryoh's Godfather status

Although Ryoh's only canonically 5 years older, she's treated as his goddaughter over a sibling for a few reasons.

He's the only person she listened to when she got sick. Rinka tends to hide the fact she's sick from people until it's too late but Ryoh usually manages to pick up on it before it gets to its worst point and lets her be taken care of by his wife back at their house. As a teen, this happened rather often, like every other week since she worked overtime frequently.

In Ryoh's eyes, Rinka is a baby. A rebellious teen even. Her cool beauty archetype persona breaks when she's around Kaldo and Renatus. She tends to act like an idiot with them, their annoying asses (who teased her a bit too much for being just slightly older than her by a year and two) make her patience run thin and nonexistent.

This was at Ryoh's and her mother's suggestion to keep her from going insane at the office after witnessing her being unable to work like when she doused herself in a crazy dose of an amnesia (identity removing memory) inducing potion and regretting it completely once it did it's intended purpose.

As a result of this, Ryoh sort of felt responsible over her (since it seemed to be completely avoidable if he had talked and connected to her a bit more) and assumed a paternal figure in her life in order to guide her both emotionally and physically. After all, it's no secret that her relationship with her actual father, Sears Onoji, wasn't the best judging by the fact her mother won complete custody over her after their divorce.

She stopped working overtime frequently after she had to rehabilitate and recover for 2 months in Meliadoul's Clinic due to suffering major injuries and frequently losing blood at unsustainable rates.

I also thought of retconning Ryoh and his wife (I will figure out a name for her one day) like their love story but I got lazy. Anyways, Rinka's friends with her and sometimes gets babied by her. (His wife is 27 lol.)

3. Renatus and his nickname

Renatus came up with her nickname because her hairstyle at the time was so 'gloomy and depressing, like spilled ink and milk'. She was also incredibly animated and contradictory in her actions and appearance.

After all, she smoked high quality cigars for who knows how long and was a heavy drinker. Yet she completely denies being a chronic smoker and drinker in public and around those younger than her. Which caused her to completely abstain from both when Agito came along event though by the time he joined she was of legal age to drink.

Thus 'Inky Droopy Looney Rinka' or just 'Inky' sometimes was born.

Nobody else has caught onto the name because it's either a mouthful to say and rude or they don't get the origins of the name.

Around the office people either refer to her as Rinka or Miss Ontarin, since her last name is extremely uncommon.

4. Her relationship with Agito

Initially, I planned for her to actually hate him because he was a creep (like who tf has such a high death count?) but in reality she finds him relatable and annoying. And also hates the fact that she can't beat him up because he would probably take it completely wholeheartedly without properly reflecting on himself.

But I can guarantee you they had bad first impressions of each other.

Rinka doesn't mind reaching out to people to help them (like she's done with almost everyone else that came after her) but Agito rejects it. Her first kind offer was rejected extremely violently which she was immediately given an apology for and then hounded to discipline/punish him. Due to her own experiences, she doesn't find this very comforting and Renatus becomes the mediator in their reactions.

Like how he rejected her proposition of bringing Renatus along

“But there haven’t been any reports about environmental destruction,” Tsurara recounted still stumped by this case. “Then shouldn’t Agito try asking the other dragons at the intersection? It would save on time,” she suggested, holding onto a heat retaining object. Silence permeated through the room as the dragon turned towards her. “The elves do not particularly… enjoy my presence,” attempting to hide the grin that suddenly widened at the thought. “After all…” “Do you need us to follow as well?” The Blood Cane tried to alleviate his discomfort. He was crucial for the task at hand. Irreplaceable. “We can go as a group if needed, I can carry everyone as,” she stopped as Hippo-tan drooped on the table and with suppressed calmness, the Dragon Cane held her hands. “Please use a translation or universal language spell, miss.” “Are you sure?” “Yes.” “Do you need me to bring Renatus along?” “It’s fine. Please use the translation spell you taught me.” With a hint of dejectedness, her hand dropped back to her side with little control as he let go. She let out a sigh, “Alright.”

(EP 19)

The tension from their earlier days has settled to that of a rather peaceful coexistence where she's willing to compromise her hesitancy to be violent to be more clear. They've probably argued a few times simply because Rinka takes care of Darren's school affairs. Since Darren is able to fluently speak more than just Communication Draconic, Agito has a big interest in her as his assistant but she's not really.

Plus she's stern with Agito because he tends to slack off on his duties even with a Professional Dragon/Pet 'Hippo-tan'. But the worst he gets is being fed honeyed Sashimi and served that for dinner.

_ _ _ _

Ik I forgot Sophina but uhhhhh I haven't thought of her this deep yet.

[booasaur]

Amar a Muerte - 1x86 - Deleted scene » translated by @caesir

[astarlightmonbebe]

sunah as a conflicting villain is really something, and i’m not totally sure what that something is going to be. because in this episode the writer returns to the idea of sunah as a victim by extrapolating on her past, which has only been previously alluded to, and the abuse she experienced, as well as some of her inner thoughts. while i disliked how the previous eps (5-6) painted her to be a villain driven by greed, not vengeance or anything, i think now her character isn’t necessarily one or the other.

while on one hand sunah somehow shows the cycle of abuse, or how the victim becomes the abuser, i also think she’s a great example of the flaws of the system and the people created because of that. sunah has grown into a person with power from poor beginnings. she was taken advantage of by the people around her, particularly men in power. the only reason she got any power at all is because she was clever, and because she took advantage of a situation in where she otherwise was a victim, using this to blackmail her superior and become the superior. however, while this looks like agency, it also paints a tragic picture. sunah as a victim was unable to get lawful justice. she likely didn’t even try, because the result would have been the same. although she has, in some ways, become the abuser of her abuser, is that really justice for herself?

as a person in power, sunah cannot get justice for herself or for other people, at least not on the outside. she has to trick, lie, and steal her way to the top over and over again, using whatever manipulations she has at hand to stay there. and this episode proves how little agency she has, with the men who surround her calling her a slave and someone they had groomed to take the fall for them. if she wasn’t who she was, or just a half step behind, she could have been victimized all over again.

[carminite-wyrm]

Watched Mumbo's Last Life ep. Immediately got hit by the writing inspiration and ended up with this lil ficlet. This was also inspired by a bunch of those posts about how the server itself has a presence/vaguely malevolent vibing spirit that induces the Violence Vibes, that are floating around but for some reason I can't find right now.

Also yeah there are spoilers for Mumbo's Last Life SMP Ep 1, so the ficlet itself is under the cut for the time being.

Upon stepping onto the server for the first time, Mumbo briefly wondered whether accepting Grian’s invitation to the second iteration of his survival game of a server was a mistake. The very air of the world was charged with something ominous, something borderline feral, which was quite different compared to the ambient calmness-chaos of the Hermitcraft server. It almost was tinged with the metallic tang of steel and blood, which Mumbo thought was…probably unsurprising given that the entire point of this game they were going to be playing involved death, and eventually enough death that only one person would be left standing.

He sat through the several minutes of explanation of the rules, which, judging by the reactions from the previous Third Lifers, had been much altered since the last time. Briefly looking over at some of his fellow newcomers, he wondered whether they too could sense the strange hostility of the world that they were now within. He turned his attention back to the rest of the group, and for the briefest of moments, he could almost sense the anticipation rising amongst them all, a rising expectation of bloodthirst that would surely only worsen the less lives they had. There were knowing glances being traded, of duos and alliances that had been iron-strong once, and now were up in the air, whether they would split for new horizons, or retain the old bonds forged in blood and war in that previous world.

He was not ashamed of the fact that the moment they started, he bolted well away from them all.

He was an engineer, a master of redstone. Fighting was not one of his strengths, not like Grian or the other participants of Scott’s monthly tournament. And any skills he’d had in terms of direct fighting had no doubt deteriorated slightly, what with his whole ‘Peace, Love, and Plants’ thing in the current iteration of Hermitcraft. At least he’d gotten pretty good at running away from danger.

And there was already a wealth of danger, from what Mumbo could tell, as he slowly encountered the others, most having already formed pairs and groups, having found others that they (for the time being) could trust to watch their backs.

His encounter with Joel and Lizzie was fraught with fear as an accidental swing set both of their wolves on him, and Mumbo swore that the local wildlife of this world was so much more aggressive than that of home. Even if Joel and Lizzie were rather apologetic about that whole mess, which Mumbo honestly did appreciate, even if he was quite happy to leave them be for the time being.

The churning chaos surrounding Scar was…intimidating, to say the least. It had taken him a bit too long to notice how his armour was fake, and that had made Mumbo a lot calmer, once he realised that Scar was very underequipped. But the ease with which the man talked, spinning his words as if they were threads of gold, unnerved him, brought to him too many memories of when the man was charged with Vex magic and Vex mannerisms. Except he couldn’t even feel or see the presence of the Vex, and that was unnerving, the knowledge that Scar wasn’t acting under the influence of those fey creatures, that this was probablyall Scar himself.

He was, at the end of it all, rather relieved when Grian eventually came along and dragged him off to the Southlands, and the ensuing comedy of the barrage of ‘A-HA’ puns did a lot to take his mind off the worrying atmosphere of the world around him. It almost felt like he was back at Boatem, if not for the fact that some of the laughter felt a little borderline manic, and he was vividly aware of the fact that all four of his groupmates had already done this once before, had lived, warred, and died on the original iteration of Third Life. In fact, he was fairly certain that at least two of the people here had been actual enemies for a bit, and wasn’t there that whole thing about people thinking Impulse was a traitor when in actual fact he wasn’t betraying them?

All in all, Mumbo wasn’t certain how long this sense of comradery would last, although he hoped that he’d be able to keep them together for as long as possible, even with the ever-present doom of the Boogeyman role, the mechanic that would guarantee that, no matter what happened, someone would lose a life each week. He still appreciated it though. Appreciated the fact that even with the blood-tinged energy that suffused this world, even if his four allies were probably already accustomed to having the faintest hint of oncoming dread accompanying their every thought and move, they were still able to find something genuinely amusing about the world around them.

At the conclusion of their first session, Mumbo leaned against his newly built bunker, admiring its fairly-sturdy stone walls. He’d probably add some more defences to it next time, but for the moment, he did feel a lot more reassured with the presence of four solid walls, and a roof over his head.

The others had laughed at him, slightly, for building such a fancy tower-bunker, compared to their much taller structures of cobble and stone. Mumbo got it, he honestly did. Resources were going to be scarce in this world in a way completely unlike Hermitcraft, and he’d used most of what he’d already gathered on a build that would more than likely get destroyed in the coming weeks.

But, for now, until he got used to the feeling of tension hanging subtly in the air, at the lingering promise of future bloody violence, the familiarity (and safety) of a bunker was exactly what he needed.

[chalkrevelations]

OK. Moving on, slowly but surely, Episode 2 of Word of Honor.

For anyone only just peeking inside my door, this is a re-watch, so there are SPOILERS not just for this ep, but possibly for the ENTIRE SHOW. Scroll away and come back later if you haven’t seen all 36.5 eps and want to watch it unspoiled.

So, the major thing that hit me during this episode: On re-watch, with context, Wen Kexing’s thirst is now super-complicated by the fact that he thinks he’s recognized the Siji Manor Swift Moving Steps™ from A-Xiang’s throwdown with Zhou Zishu at the end of Ep 1. He gets his confirmation in this ep when he goads ZZS into their first fight, in Chengling’s (badly green-screened) peach-blossom front yard. This complicates the stalking and the flirting, particularly the poetic references WKX uses here to talk about ZZS’s footwork, giving it a level that ZZS (along with the audience, back on our first time watching) simply doesn’t have the context to understand yet. (Well. ZZS not getting all the info that WKX has. That’s the start of a pattern. I mean, at this point, WKX certainly doesn’t owe this random guy a peek into his deepest traumas - EVEN THOUGH it would make things about 10000x less complicated, which is also part of the pattern - but I’m just sayin’. It sure is the start of a pattern.) So ZZS blows off WKX as a PUA asshole with an apparent kink for rough trade with appalling facial hair - just like all of us, as the audience, at this point, were beginning to watch open-mouthed at the speed and intensity of WKX’s thirst for some apparently random dude who he spotted tits out, drinking himself to death in the gutter. Don’t get me wrong, WKX is still thirsty as hell, and he was out to tap that even before he saw the Siji Manor Swift Moving Steps™, but now it’s all mixed up in memories of his shixiong that we won’t see, and ZZS won’t know about, for several more episodes. WKX’s still not sure this is the same guy, but it’s at least an associated guy. So our additional context from later episodes now makes it look like all the stalking isn’t just about having the hots for some rough trade who keeps flashing his collarbones, it’s also about regaining a kind of emotional intimacy that WKX hasn’t had for umpty years of trauma and abuse and killing his way up the ladder. This specific flavor of emotional intimacy isn’t something he can get from A-Xiang, even if she saves his heart – this random drunk dude is triggering some memories (that we won’t see for several more episodes) of feeling protected and cared for, unconditionally, and this guy is literally the only person left in the world who could/can make WKX remember those kinds of feelings. And WKX chases it like he’s starving, because he is. Because anyone in his position would be. Prince Jin will eventually do the same kind of thing to ZZS, grabbing onto him like a drowning man at the only thing he thinks will keep him afloat.

Also, WKX may have had slightly more home training than A-Xiang, but he’s had a lot more – and more recent - grooming by a psychopath. I remember reading somewhere that Zhou Ye talked about how A-Xiang seems slightly off, not quite right in the way she acts, at the beginning of the show, and this was a deliberate acting and directing choice because she was raised in the Ghost Valley, literally doesn’t know how to act right in normal society, and has to learn how as the show goes along. I feel like we see some of that with WKX, too, not just in the hard sell with ZZS, but also in some of his mannerisms and reactions – less so than when he’s playing it up in the Ghost Valley, but still noticeable. I think you can see this in the aftermath of the fight with the ghosts, when both WKX and A-Xiang are watching the reactions from and interactions among ZZS, Chengling and Boat Man, and they both seem kind of ... baffled? Occasionally taken aback? At normal reactions that the other three are having to events. When you set them together in that scene, it’s noticeable, particularly with the way A-Xiang keeps checking in with WKX as if to say, really? This is how humans act? It’s little things that on my first time watching, I initially wrote off to …. not necessarily bad acting, but to overacting, to Gong Jun maybe not being quite settled into WKX’s skin yet, that smoothed out as Gong Jun got more comfortable with the character and with playing off of Zhang Zhehan and seemed more ... natural. NOW, I wonder if this also was deliberate, if this is WKX not being quite settled into a human skin, which smooths out as he gets more comfortable in acting human again and in being around ZZS and Chengling. But meanwhile, he’s like a starving feral dog who’s spotted a piece of meat, and I chose every bit of that metaphor specifically, because psychologically and emotionally, that’s what’s going on, and it’s the way ZZS reacts to him, too.

ZZS is already gun-shy and touch-averse at this point (see the moment he jerks his hand out from under WKX’s hand at 31:20, while they’re both transferring energy to Boat Man) – he just wants to be left alone to die, is that so gd hard? - it’s clearly a trial for him to have to even be around this many nattering idiots. But I also have to think some of the instincts that made him so successful and kept him alive for so long in Tian Chuang have to be screaming at him, every time this rando approaches him, that something is not right about the guy. And even when you’re as suicidal as ZZS is right now, instinctive behavior is hard to overcome, and we see how quickly he steps back away from WKX, at 12:58, when WKX steps close enough to invade his personal bubble. At the same time, everything in WKX is screaming at him to plaster himself to this guy. And so, we set up the constant WKX push, ZZS retreat that we’ll get for several more episodes.

Other thoughts:

Chengling got the spirit I guess, but my lord. He gets beat down and gets his sword took about 5 times in the space of a minute and a half. Good thing his Xiang-jie is there. (Have mentioned how much I love A-Xiang? I just want to be sure everyone knows how much I love A-Xiang. Already. She is a fierce, feral, ray of brightness in every scene she’s in.) Here’s the thing, though – knowing what we know now, I can’t believe not a single one of the Ghosts says “WTF, Amethyst Fiend, why are you making this difficult for us to get the Glazed Armor your zhuren wants us to get our hands on?” They MUST recognize her. Or is this a set-up that the ghosts are in on, to make Chengling and whoever’s with him trust WKX and A-Xiang? But who knew Chengling would even escape? And that seems unnecessarily convoluted when they could just kill him and Boat Man. Did the plan get tweaked when ZZS showed up? If so, I can just imagine what these rank-and-file ghosts are thinking about what WKX wants this kid and this guy alive for, given they don’t know he’s trying to destroy the Ghost Valley – maybe that WKX’s going to do the same thing to Chengling that was done to him by the previous Ghost Valley Master. (Oh. Oh, although - here’s an AU thought – what if ZZS hadn’t turned up at just this particular moment? And what if WKX had intended to kill Chengling, too, along the rest of his family (I mean, presumably this IS what was supposed to happen)? But what if this Ghost Valley Master - whose heart has been fatally compromised by A-Xiang – sees this little soft-hearted soft-eyed dumbass, with his parents and everyone else he knows and loves dead and on fire around him? What if he does end up collecting another kid, at that point? THEN WHAT HAPPENS? Complicated by the fact that WKX’s got emotional skin in the game from jump, in this scenario, but Chengling knows up front about WKX’s part in the Mirror Lake massacre.)

OH MY GOD. I had to watch the same four seconds of footage about five times to try and figure out what’s going on, but there’s a point during the fight with the ghosts when ZZS is still having his Seven Nails Torment Moment, and Boat Man is busy dying, and Chengling is, well, Chengling has been beat down and had his sword took, and meanwhile A-Xiang is dealing with one of the ghosts, and another one’s coming up behind her, getting ready to brain her with his sword. And then at 29:01, it looks like he gets yoinked backward, and he goes crashing through a door, but then there is – I swear to god, y’all – a shot of two walnuts (remember those?) falling on the ground near him, and I guess the implication is that WKX, still hidden in the shadows, knocked him backward by throwing a couple of Walnuts of Death at him? Who knew Wolong’s Famous Nuts were crispy, delicious, and good for self-defense?

Oh, WKX. “Zhou Xu.” It’s so close, isn’t it? So close to “Zhou Zishu.”

Second ZZS/WKX physical fight happens over ZZS insisting that WKX leave Chengling tf alone and stop trying to see his injury. Well, there’s the beginning of another pattern.

[kabutoraiger]

bioman thoughts...

kind of a hard one to talk about bc bioman is like. the first sentai, to me. i mean obviously not literally. but rather it’s the first sentai that feels anything like what we think of as sentai nowadays.

...but other than having 2 girls i’m not really sure Why it feels that way. like it’s just this nebulous vibe i can’t explain??

it certainly doesn’t feel modern in most other aspects. in a lot of ways it’s kind of a step back compared to years previous. like even if it didn’t totally work they were really trying something with dynaman in terms of narrative progression. with things happening with the villains that made it seem like the situation was changing throughout.

by comparison bioman is like a several yrs older show in that it’s super stagnant. by episode 40 i didn’t feel like anything had really changed at all since episode 1. (other than mika dying of course. but that doesn’t count.) the villains still acted the same. silva was there now but wasn’t doing much or altering the dynamic in any real way.

a few eps later we do get some more interesting stuff with a scientist rival for dr man and these concepts of machine sentience and forging bonds between robots and humans. but at that point the show is almost over. and you’re just left wondering why this couldn’t have happened earlier...

or frankly i wish the ep where the generals try to assassinate dr man had actually gone somewhere. bc that’s set up like it’s going to be some kind of turning point for the villains but then it’s just wiped from their memories and we return to the status quo. if i was doing a bioman rewrite i’d have dr man evade the assassination attempt but wind up injured out in the forest somewhere and get taken in by a kindly family who gradually make him question why he’s come to hate his fellow humans. or something like that.

but as is bioman is kind of just serviceable, i guess. despite having this hard-to-articulate opinion of it as a milestone it’s also a bit of a snoozer season for me. not a ton going on for most of it. villains are on the dull side. doesn’t have many particularly crazy episodes. but it does have some pretty epic women moments. so if you like cool girls doing actiony things i’d recommend it for that reason.

[leftonraed]

The Night We Met - Prologue

pairing : Taehyung x OC   genre : bodyguard!au, singleparent!au, idol!au   word count : 1.7k Prologue | ep.1 | ep.2 | ep.3 | ep.4 | ep.5 | ep.6 | ep.7 

The show was a great success. A chant of his name resonates in the huge stadium, crowded out as he’s bowing a second time to the thousands of lightsticks shaking in the darkness like fireflies dancing and set to burn down the starry night they composed.

Moved, he raises his arm to wave to those luminous spots so precious to him, making sure not to miss any while his heart is swelling with pure bliss and his throat grows tight. He reluctantly ends up walking towards the back of the stage and positions himself on a squared shape platform which slowly takes him down at the same time the lights dimmed one last time tonight.

Members of the crew who’ve been waiting for him begin surrounding him as soon as he steps off the small platform and heads to the dressing room. Signs of fatigue are showing but he doesn’t forget to give smiles and thank yous when they congratulate him while removing his microphone set, handing him a water bottle and wiping his sweat.

He blindly reaches the hall leading to his backstage room secured by a couple of bodyguards present, it isn’t his first time in this concert venue but he’s obliged to halt when he notices his manager staring back, displaying not the slightest sign of pride or gladness.

He picks up his march towards her with a hint of confusion. Her frowning is looking less threatening now that he’s a few inches from her but her body seems to tense when he reaches for the handle.

“What’s wrong?” He drops first, eying her back while she uncrosses her arms.

“There’s a woman inside with a child who’s been begging the whole staff to get to talk to you.”

“What?” Not quite the reception he was expecting from her to say the least.

Her brow twitches at his lighthearted tone. He instantly grasps she’s not messing with him and doing her best to keep her voice low. “If you have something to tell me, I suggest you do it now, Taehyung.”

“Hwiin, I-” He chuckles not believing what he’s hearing. His frowning deepens when she still doesn’t flinch. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. And I really don’t have the energy to argue right now. Did you talk to her?” He suggests, trying to reason.

“No, I don’t want to have anything to do with her.” She spits, offended. “How can you not- recall her when she clearly claims to know you?” She snaps gesturing towards the door. “Now’s not the time for a scandal of any type. Far too many people know about the issue she caused already.”

People are busy around them, coming and going to get everything cleaned up while they both seem stuck in this silent staring game. He remains awfully quiet, not having quite a clue as to what to say back to have her not doubting him or assuaging her and it makes her this close to losing it.

“Maybe we should go inside?” He offers in a soft voice, clueless about the reason she’s so adamant to stew over it. She rolls up her eyes while brushing past him to get inside the room first.

He barely has had the time to catch sight of the said woman that Hwiin reminds him of her presence and even more so of her annoyance.

His puzzlement is all the more unmistakable, especially after he’s noted the toddler’s likeness to someone close to him. His gaze returns to the female stranger. She surely isn’t past her mid-twenties. She looks lost and her eyes are filled with so much hopelessness, it becomes disturbing.

“Hi,” he smiles invitingly, not allowing any tension to build. “I’m Taehyung. I heard you were looking for me?”

She nods carefully, not moving an inch on the couch where she’s sitting as if not to hinder the child in her arms while looking back and forth between him and his manager’s dark look.

“How can I help you?”

“I-I’m sorry I disturbed you and caused so much trouble,” she eventually says. “But-,” she fetches for something in her bag at her feet and the little girl stirs in her slumber, revealing her face.

“Hina?” Taehyung feels his heartbeat picking up and any previous sign of fatigue that has seemed to gain him are now long forgotten at her sight. He walks closer to her.

Hwiin furrows her brows at his back. The woman displays relief upon hearing the girl’s name, satisfied to finally see one thing go right.

“Whe- where’re her parents?” His eyes can’t look away from her tiny face nestled against her chest.

The stranger opens her hand to show a piece of paper. “They went out earlier in the evening. They should have been home an hour ago. I was asked to call this number in case they wouldn’t answer their phone, and or go to these addresses.”

He takes it from her and Hwiin shortens the space between her and them to peek past his shoulder. There are his personal phone number, the concert venue and his penthouse addresses.

Her gaze moves to study the child’s face and her expression shifts to a worried one. After a few seconds, she looks up at him. “Who is she, Taehyung?”

The last bits of euphoria have vanished in the blink of an eye and left behind, instead, heavy presumptions.

“My niece,” he answers gravely.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The pleasant purring of the black range rover running is the sole disruption in the quietness of the empty streets. Inside, the drive back home is uncomfortably silent for Hwiin. She feels terrible about her outburst. She knows he’d never be angry with her for that. She still wants to apologize but everytime she glances in the rear-view mirror, Taehyung still looks lost in thought.

As much as Hwiin values family bonds, she’d rather do without. Everything has been going perfectly great for her artist and now it all seems uncertain. How could he combine a demanding career and a very young child? How is she supposed to support him? She’d never ask him directly to somehow resolve this issue because she knows what he’d do. If he were to choose between the two, he’d opt for his niece in a heartbeat as painful as that reality comes off. The past seven years they spent together wouldn’t stand a chance when it comes to Taehyung.

His stare is glued on the night scenery. He doesn’t know what to think. His life’s just been shaken up by the tiny being cradled in his arms. That woman, who claimed to be Hina’s babysitter, had resorted to him as her solution like her employer, his brother, had instructed her to. His heart which has just been full of sheer happiness and gratefulness is now weighed down by so many questions and an unsettling foreboding.

He feels his shirt bunching and being pulled on; he looks down, weary.

“Dad-dy...”

Prickly tears blur his vision at the innocent call Hina makes in her sleep, unaware. He tightens his hold around her as a way to comfort himself.

“We’re here,” his manager softly announces while turning the wheel in the building parking lot. She pulls over near the elevator. Taehyung does his best to open the door, grab his back while safely carrying his niece before getting out. Hwiin hurries to give him a hand only to be politely refused.

She observes him quietly with mixed feelings as he simply stands there, gently brushing the little girl’s strands out of her face. She’s never taken the time before imagining what he’d look like as a father. It hasn’t been part of her plan. His greasy hair falls in his eyes, hiding his face. The man facing her seems somewhat unfamiliar.

She feels guilt creeping within her chest. “Taehyung I-”

“Don’t bother coming here unless I say so,” he cuts off looking at her with a weak smile. “I think I need some time to sort it all out.”

“Of course,” she pauses, fleeing his gaze. He’s always trying to lighten up the mood, she thinks. “I was wondering if you’d need me up there.”

“Go home. You should rest.”

She pouts a little, she’s already got her hooks into him and she hasn’t even awakened yet. Taehyung rarely rejected her for anything in the past. She innately feels the need to argue but relinquishes. It’s different now, she accepts.

He’s appreciative of her comprehension. He doesn’t like telling her he prefers to be alone for now. He’ll need every bit of his energy.

“You know you just have to call.”

They quietly pull apart. He gets in the elevator and she starts the engine once the doors come together.

His mind is empty the whole time it takes for the elevator to bring him to his apartment. He drops his bag on the floor, biting his lip when a curse wants to slip out because of the noise it makes. He suddenly realizes he doesn’t have somewhere appropriate for her to sleep in. Taehyung naturally settles for his bedroom and wonders how he should arrange the beddings to make it as safe and comfortable as possible for a two year-old.

He manages to undo the sheets and grab a pillow with one hand before he gently lays her in. it’s a miracle she hasn’t woken up already. Standing still beside the bed, Taehyung stares at her in the darkness; he wants to do more when he’s done what is needed. He wonders whether he should get her nearer the middle of the mattress, he can’t think of anything to keep her from falling off.

After long minutes, he eventually thinks there’s nothing more left to do and leaves to shower. He lets the door open and makes it as quick as possible. He comes back to find her curled up on herself. It’s only once he’s under the sheets, right next to her side that he remembers his phone. The thought of joining the outside world again seems unappealing and he thinks it would only make him anxious.

He brings his focus back on Hina, blinking slowly until he gets pulled in a dreamless sleep as well.

////////////////////!\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

Feedback greatly appreciated :B  Reblog if you wish to read more

[piratesfromspace]

Two saviors and some hope

Pairing: The Mandalorian x Cobb Vanth x Reader

Summary: You've been captured to be sold as a slave. But two men clad in beskar armors cross your path. Maybe this means there's some hope. Set after ep 1 of season 2, canon-divergent.

Word Count: 4.2k

Warnings: canon-typical violence, blood, alcohol, slavery (but reader is free pretty early in the fic), light smut (threesome). Rated explicit.

A/N: Neutral pronouns for reader. English is not my native language, please be kind. I’m really happy to share this short fic with a rare pairing, hope you’ll like it! Fic also available on ao3. 

“Move! Faster, I might miss a client” the abhorrent creature tugging at your chains croaks. You are trying to keep up behind him as best as you can. But with the chains linking your ankles and your wrists, it isn’t an easy task. Especially since you are barefoot in the burning sand of this barren planet. The scorching heat of its two suns is just aggravating your ordeal. The blue-skinned Chiss that is your captor and you soon arrive at the destination he was so eager to reach. A small town and its market. If the previous remark had left you with very little doubt about his intentions for you, it was now even more clear that he indeed has planned on selling you.

“Here, that’s perfect. On the ground, sit, slave.” His order comes with a hard tug on the chains between your wrists, and your knees fall on the compacted sand of the marketplace. You raise your head in a poor sign of defiance, looking at the slave trader. He puts his backpack down at his feet and rubs one of his shoulders. Despite his human-like figure, he is way stronger than expected. Clad in some sort of beige toga, he could easily be mistaken for a simple merchant, but you have learned the hard way he is a hunter as well. The anxiety slowly gnawing at the edge of your mind is becoming more and more hard to ignore with every second. You close your eyes, breathing through your nose and trying to calm yourself. A freaking slave. He has called you a freaking slave, and is about to sell you as one. In those forsaken parts of the galaxy, slavery is apparently still a thing and no one would come looking for you. Even if everything happened in a blur, you know the small village where you were finally living a simple life after a troubled childhood has been destroyed by the Chiss and his friends? Colleagues? Regardless of who they all were, your situation is the same. He has taken you and decided to make a quick buck by bringing you to the first market on the closest planet he could find.

But you can’t resign yourself. Maybe if you run fast enough you could hide yourself somewhere? Find a way to destroy those chains and escape from your grim future. It’s now or never. You take a deep breath and you push as hard as you can on your legs, soaring, ready to run. But as soon as you're up, you barely have taken your first step, that the Chiss grabs your upper arm and yanks you towards him. His grip is cruel and his fingers dig deep in your skin, likely to leave nasty bruises there. You let out a scream, but the air is pushed out of your lungs when he kicks you in the back of your knee, your legs buckling beneath you. You fall again on the ground and you try to soften your landing with your hands, but the chains prevent you from really succeeding.

“Pathetic.” you hear him mutter, slightly shaking his head. You want to disappear. You’re huddled in the sand, your knees and arms hurting, your heart pounding in your ears. You don’t want to raise your eyes and meet his again. Around you, the market is bustling with life, people happily chatting and loudly bargaining cheap items. Though it looks like your little scene has attracted a few surprised glances and hushed conversations. You close your eyes again, wincing from the waves of pain creeping from most of your body. You’re taken out of your suffering-induced trance when you hear heavy footsteps coming close to you and the Chiss greeting someone with his sketchy smooth voice. “Hello gentlemen, do you need a servant? I’m sure this one will be perfect for your…” He hasn’t the time to finish his sentence, because the tallest of the two armored men standing in front of you aims his blaster on the chest of the Chiss without any warning. “What are you doing here, slaver scum?” “I.. what do you…” the Chiss stutters.

“There are only free people in this town, and this is gonna stay that way as long as I’m the Marshal here. So you’re going to release this person and get away from this place as quick as you can. And I’m not gonna ask you twice.”

Your mind is slowly processing what’s happening, and you watch more closely at your two saviors. They’re both clad in beskar armor, one shiny, one painted in red and green, the traditional helmets of the Mandalorians safely hiding their faces. You’ve heard of them of course, the intriguing tribe is well known where you used to live. And it is also well known it is a bad idea to mess with them.

There is a moment of tension. The Chiss seems to be gauging if he can win a fight against the two Mandalorians, or if there is any way he can turn the situation to his advantage. The smaller warrior, the one with the shiny armor, moves a hand on his blaster and slightly shifts in his position, making clear he’s not afraid to shoot if necessary. Anger crosses the face of the blue-skinned man and he pinches his lips in a disgusted pout before speaking. “Alright, no need to be so menacing. I’ll leave, but I can’t let my property here, they’ll come with me.” He collects his bag and pretends to be leaving, tugging on your chains for you to get up. “I think you don’t understand”, the smaller Mandalorian finally speaks for the first time, “they’re not your property, and they will stay here.”. He’s very calm but determined and the modulator filtering his voice gives an even more terrifying tone to the veiled threat. His blaster is now in his hand, casually aiming to the Chiss.

With two blasters now facing him, your captor has very little choice. He lets out a nervous sight and reaches inside his pocket to find the magnetic key to your chains. He reluctantly presses it against your ankles and then your wrists, freeing you from the vicious bite of the metal around your limbs. The discarded shackles tumble in the sand with a soft clatter. Free. You’re free.

“You don’t know who you’re insulting Mandalorians…” you heard him muttering under his breath before quickly leaving the marketplace, under the scrutinizing looks of the nearby crowd. You’re still in shock of what just happened. The world is becoming a blur around you, the ambient noise turning into a high pitch sound in your ears, you feel like you’re gonna lose your footing.

“Hey… can you hear me? you ok?” a gentle touch on your shoulder and two brown eyes with a kind look prevent you from totally fainting, bringing you back to reality. The taller Mandalorian has removed his helmet and is watching you. A concerned smile crossing his face. The information makes your brain glitch. Mandalorians are not supposed to remove their helmet, ever.. But you don’t have the time to dwell on this puzzling news, because the second warrior reminds you of a more pressing issue: “Did he plant a chip? In your neck? Or your back maybe? Do you remember?” “Yes…yes, in the middle of my back I think.” “Shit.”

--------

The table in the center of the modest living room is swiped free of the few bowls and trinkets placed there. The Mandalorian is carefully lying you on it, instructing you to turn on your belly. He loses no time, tearing the thin fabric of your tunic to expose your back. The Marshal comes back from another room, hurrying, with a medkit in his hands. “Din! I think there’s a scalpel vibroblade in here, but I couldn’t find any anesthetic.” The helmeted warrior, Din, doesn’t lose his calm and pulls out the scalpel from the kit.

“I’m sorry, but we must remove it now, before this son-of-a-Kath-hound dares to make it explode.” he says, his helmet turned toward you.

You hear the Marshal searching in the kitchen for something, frantically opening cabinet doors. “Here, you can bite on this.” a clean cloth is finally shoved into your hands and you bring it to your mouth, sinking your teeth in the fabric and steeling yourself for what’s to come. The gloved hand of the Mandalorian is feeling each bone of your spine, looking for the exact location of the chip. He’s fast, methodical, like he’s done this before. His hand suddenly stops a couple inches below your neck. “Found it. It’s gonna hurt. You can scream if it helps.” He turns to the other man “It’s best if you hold them still. Safer this way.” One powerful hand grabs your neck, gentle but firm, while another one presses on the small of your back, making sure you won’t move too much and hurt yourself. The Marshal has removed his gloves, and the feeling of its warm callused hands against your exposed skin is somehow weirdly comforting. Your fingers clench hard on the table’s edge when the blade sinks into your flesh, you squeeze your eyes shut, letting out a growl through your gritted teeth around the cloth. The pain is radiating in all your back, you want to move, to escape the awful sensation although you know it’s for your own good. You can feel the droplets of blood trickling down your sides, ending on the table, forming little puddles soon staining the front of your tunic. The feeling of the blade moving so close to your spine makes your head spin and when you open your eyes, blacks spots are filling your vision. You let go of the edge of the table, your fingers going numb. “I think they’re gonna faint.” the Marshal warns Din. “I’m almost done...” A metallic clatter can be heard as the Mandalorian lets the chip fall inside a cup. “Just need to close the wound now. You’re good.” You’re doing your best to stay awake, removing the cloth from your mouth with a feeble hand to try and take some deep breaths. The process of closing the deep cut in your back is nowhere near pleasant, but at least the menace of the chip blowing up your spine is gone. “It’s done. I just need to apply some bacta.” “No” your voice is wrecked, the tone slightly desperate. “No bacta. I want the scar to stay.” “It’s your call.” Din simply states.

The hands against your back are lifted and the Marshal reappears in your visual field. He fetches a bottle and a cup, and when the Mandalorian finally gives you the permission to sit up, he offers you a glass of an unknown blue liquid. “For the pain.” he says with a smile. It smells funny but you gulp the thing down, and while it burns your throat a little, its heat is welcome. You feel your muscles relax a bit thanks to the alcohol. “Thank you.” His brows furrow while he looks at you. You must look like a mess. Your tunic ripped open in the back, stained with your own blood, your skin coated in sand and sweat, your short hair messier than ever. “I’ll try to find you new clothes.” Behind you, the Mandalorian is trying to clean the blade and the mess you all made. You feel very self-conscious all of a sudden, realizing you’re half naked, alone on a planet you don't know, with two strangers, no money and no weapon, not even a proper garment on your back. You wrap your arms around you, making sure the torn fabric doesn’t expose you more than it does. But the move makes you wince when you unwittingly touch the bruises left by the Chiss on your upper arms. The Marshal frowns even more. “Is there a refresher I can use?” you ask tentatively. “Yeah sure” he seems a bit surprised by your request “Over here, the sonic works and there might even be some water left.” he answers nonetheless, while gesturing toward the small corridor at the other side of the room.

You don’t wait for any more explanation, jump from the table, and almost run to the refresher, locking the door behind you. A thousand thoughts are spiralling inside your head. You let the water run and step inside the shower, trying to wash away the dirt, the pain and the anguish.

------

Days have passed since your encounter with Din and Cobb (as you learned their names were). One true Mandalorian, the other not so much. But both are men of honor - or at least they seem to be. Truth be said, you don’t care that much about honor, as long as they’re nice to you. Cobb is letting you live in his home, and you have a small room all to yourself. You don’t see him a lot since he’s always somewhere else taking care of some sort of problem or quarrel. He’s not a bad roommate and he doesn't ask a lot from you. And Din is living in his ship he brought back from Mos Eisley. Well you’ve learned pretty quickly that sometimes Din is also some kind of roommate for Cobb, in the sense that they literally share the same bedroom. They’re not very open about their relationship but they don’t try to hide it at all costs either, and you’re grateful for the trust they put into you.

It’s quite fascinating to see them together. Cobb, tall and bold, a mischievous smile always plastered on his face, his silver hair and beard highlighting a strong jaw, high cheekbones and kind dark eyes. Din is more of the introvert type, smaller, definitely more muscular, his helmet always on, although you can easily tell when there is a smile or a worry in his voice. You’ve seen them fight together against some outlaws once or twice, and you had been mesmerized by their dynamic and synchronicity. You don’t know much about them, and they don’t ask much about you, and it’s fine this way for each of you three. The only thing still bugging your mind is the reason why they chose to help you, but the small green alien baby the Mandalorian is fostering indicates an overprotective instinct you’re glad to be benefiting from. And Cobb is visibly on the same track, even more so, demonstrating a contained anger each time you mention past abuse, regularly scolding himself for having let the Chiss leave alive.

Actually you’re glad to stay at their sides and to receive their attention. They’ve been careful around you, especially the first couple days, not wanting to make you uncomfortable or to scare you. As time passed, they both showed more openly their attachment to you and you welcomed their friendliness. But lately, you’ve caught yourself wanting more, waiting impatiently for Cobb’s return or for Din’s visit, a weird feeling coiling into your chest and your belly when you caught a glimpse of Din’s skin between his helmet and his scarf, a sudden blush on your cheeks when you run into Cobb getting out of the fresher, wearing just pants, hair still damp and shimmering in the soft light of the morning. Despite your best efforts to lie to yourself, it’s pretty clear now that you’re falling for them, both of them.

It’s twisted, you’re well aware, and sometimes you’re wondering which part of your fucked up past is to blame for this. But torturing yourself searching for answers doesn’t make the crave for their attention and touch go away, on the contrary.

While you’re getting more and more settled into your new life, the scars of the previous ones are still present. Nightmares. The ghosts of past wounds. You try your best to hide it from Din and Cobb, you don’t want to bother them with your traumas, when they already have their very own ones to deal with.

One night, the ghost pain of the removal of the chip comes back. You suspect in saving your life, Din had unfortunately touched a few nerves. It hurts all along your spine, up into your skull, keeps you wide awake despite your tiredness. You roll into your bed, unable to sleep, tears of exhaustion forming in the corner of your eyes. You finally get up, looking for the new pain-killer you know Cobb keeps in the unit next to his bed. After your little improvised surgery on his kitchen table, he had felt the need to purchase some, just in case. He’s not home yet, despite the late hour, but you’re not worried. Not unusual for him to have a weird schedule. You find what you’re looking for, small greenish beads safely stored in a glass jar. You swallow two of them, fighting against the waves of pain each of your movement is sending into your body. With just a few seconds, the medication kicks in, a warm feeling settling inside of your muscles, easing your agony away. You feel your mind drifting pleasantly, your eyelids heavy. You barely have the time to take a few steps back and fall on Cobb’s bed before you blank out.

You wake up in a gasp, sitting up immediately, all your senses on the alert. There is someone in the room. “I’m sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.” you can guess Cobb’s silhouette in the door frame. He’s just wearing the light pants and tunic he usually sleeps in. “I’m gonna go sleep in the living room.” he adds with a soft voice. It’s still dark outside, you weren’t out for very long, but visibly long enough for him to come back and find you in his bed.

“Sorry.” You don’t know how to explain why you ended here, you’re just relieved to see he’s not upset with you. “You don’t need... I… Can I…” you stutters, having trouble to find what you really want to ask. “You can finish your night here, no big deal.” he sounds tired but caring. “Stay with me. I mean, if you want to”. You answer without thinking about the consequences, not knowing if it’s the uninhibiting effect of the drug or something else.

You see his shoulders rise just a little, he’s surprised although he doesn’t say anything, and just climbs onto the bed as you shift to make room for him. You’re glad he stays silent, the situation being awkward enough as it is. The mattress is wide enough for two persons, but after a few moments, you press yourself against his body in your half-sleep, subconsciously searching for his warmth. When his arm gently wraps over you, he asks in a whisper if it's ok, and when you clutch his hand tighter against your chest, he takes that as a yes. You fall in a deep restful sleep, the best you had in a long time.

It becomes a little habit, everytime you feel the pain in your back or when nightmares wake you up in the middle of the night. Din knows about it obviously. He’s not angry at you, or Cobb. He understands, and you even recon he’s becoming more and more protective around you. Days turn into weeks, and while it’s nice to sleep in Cobb’s arms and to get renewed attention from Din, it doesn’t really help with your complicated feelings.

One afternoon, you’re heading back home early, and as you enter the living room, noises coming from Cobb’s bedroom make your heart miss a beat. Soft moans, deep voices whispering dirty words and the sound of flesh on flesh. You’re clearly not supposed to be here at this time of day, not supposed to witness whatever is going on. A hand on your mouth, you retreat to your room as quietly as possible, close the door shut and try to calm your erratic breathing. You spend the rest of the day locked up, too embarrassed to dare going out and to risk bumping into them. You don’t really know why, it’s not like it’s a dangerous secret that they’re fucking each other. You guess it has more to do with your own guilty desires than with them.

The very next day, you’re all enjoying a drinking party at the local cantina. The spotchka is burning your inside delightfully, Cobb is telling funny stories from his past and the small crowd gathered around your booth is laughing, unbridled. It’s hard to tell if Din is enjoying himself since he can’t drink in public but you suspect he has taken his share of the blue alcohol before coming here. His gloved hand is casually resting on Cobb’s thigh under the table top, an unusual demonstration of affection. The night is well advanced when the three of you leave the cantina. You’re expecting them to go straight to Din’s ship but they follow you into Cobb’s home, exchanging teasing jokes and clever quips. As you make your way toward your own room, Cobb catches your wrist. “Stay with us. I mean, if you want to.” he offers, using your own words from the other night, smiling without malice. Your eyes dart to Din, silently asking for his consent and he nods slowly.

You all land on Cobb’s bed, and before you dare ask about the helmet situation, Din makes sure the blinds on the windows are perfectly shut, and switches off the light. The soft clatter of beskar against the floor makes it clear he has removed his helmet, his face impossible to see in the complete darkness of the room. You’re in awe of the trust he puts into you. You could easily mess with him and try some tricks to see how he looks, even though you have no intention to do so. You’re too tired to really think further about it, and you decide to just embrace the gentleness of the moment, cuddling up against Cobb like you’re used to. Except this time you can feel Din’s arm wrapped around the Marshal’s body and it makes your heart flutter with a joy you wouldn’t have dared to dream of.

You’re awakened by Cobb shifting against you in his sleep. You feel well rested and despite the lack of light thanks to the thick blinds, you conclude it’s probably late in the morning. The body against your back moves again, and you feel Cobb’s breath against your shaved nape. “Good morning sunshine” he says before planting a kiss there. Your breath hitches in your throat. “You ok?” he whispers, concerned. “Yeah, just… Can you... do that again?” He chuckles and his lips find your neck again. Taking his time, leaving small kisses up to your cheek. You feel a familiar heat building really quickly between your legs. His hands are on your waist, feeling good and warm on the exposed skin between your shirt and your shorts. You’re closing your eyes, savoring the sensation when Cobb unexpectedly lets out a laugh. “Well, hello Din…” “What? I thought I could join.” Din mutters between two kisses on Cobb’s neck. Before you can say anything, you find yourself between them, night clothes soon discarded after you answer positively when they ask you if this is fine, muscular bodies pressed against you from both sides. They kiss every inch of your skin and and at some point, Din grabs your hand and places it gently on his face, giving you permission to trace his features in the dark. You feel a chiseled jawline and a two-day stubble, soft lips and a strong nose, small wrinkles at the corner of his eyes forming there when he smiles. You keep on touching his forehead, up until you find the soft curls of his hair. You guess he must be a few years older than you, surely a bit younger than Cobb. But it doesn’t really matter, and the question disappears when you feel his lips on yours.

You relinquish yourself to the mind-blowing feeling. Even your wildest fantasies weren’t this good. You lose track of how many times you come undone under Din’s skilled fingers and Cobb’s hungry mouth. And when Din finally sinks into you and Cobb sinks into him, your heart misses a few more beats, your bodies moving in perfect sync, making you go over the edge one more time.

It must be late in the day, because you start to be really thirsty. “I’ll go fetch some water” Cobb offers, and when he’s back from the kitchen with the cups, you and him respectfully turn your back to Din to let him drink before he has the chance to put his helmet back on.

When it’s your turn to head for the refresher, you let the water run and step inside the shower, just like you did for the first time a few weeks ago. There is a difference though. Today, there sure is some dirt to wash away, but the pain and the anguish, they are already gone.

[sirenprincess15]

Please Don't Leave Me Chapter 14

Title: Please Don’t Leave Me

Author: SirenPrincess

Description: What if Aleksander hadn’t answered the door when Ivan interrupted the war room kissing? What if Aleksander and Alina had a bit more time to get to know each other before Baghra told her his true identity? Alina is the only one who can comfort Aleksander through his nightmares. Will she leave once she knows who he is?

This story is based on the show version and features a soft on the inside, hard on the outside Aleksander with an emphasis on emotional hurt/comfort and angst. If you are looking for lots of hurt!Aleksander thoughts, then this story is for you. Mal exists but pretty much solely to cause Aleksander some angst. Don’t worry. It will be a Darklina ending.

Chapter 1 is a missing scene at the end of Ep 4, and Chapter 2 takes place alongside Ep 5 and then diverges from canon there.

Pairings: Aleksander Morozova/Alina Starkov, bits of Ivan/Fedyor

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: Grisha are oppressed in this universe, and I don’t shy away from showing the horrors of that. There may eventually be mentions of canon-typical torture (Fjerdan pyres), death of family members, and cruelty to Grisha children. It’s not the focus, but that backdrop is definitely there and comes up as characters discuss their past.

In this chapter: Tension continues between Aleksander and Alina as she tries to figure out who he truly is and what's real.

Chapter 14

“Where’s the girl?”

Aleksander cringed at Baghra’s voice. He didn’t want to remember this.

“Your sun summoner?”

He whimpered. He couldn’t say the word. Tears flooded his eyes. “Please …”

“Dead?

A guttural cry escaped him. “She died because I couldn’t protect her. I tried. I tried, but she wouldn’t let …”

“She died because she rejected who you are. If you weren’t so awful, maybe she could have trusted you, maybe she would have stayed.”

Aleksander awoke with a gasp. He struggled to catch his breath as he realized he was still lying on Alina’s chest. Safe. Her heart was still beating.

She said nothing as she soothingly ran her fingers through his hair to give him time to calm back down from his nightmare. He appreciated it because he needed it. He reminded himself to focus on her breathing. His head throbbed from drinking too much kvas with Fedyor the night before. He couldn’t think. How did he find the words to make her trust him again so that his worst nightmares wouldn’t come true?

At some point, the quiet just gave him more time to worry, though. Could Alina ever possibly forgive him? Would she turn on him now that she knew the truth? Could she find it in her to love him again? Would she choose the tracker? Would she still help him protect Grisha if she turned on him? How long did he have to still have her in his life? It was almost like wondering how long he would have air, but really, it was sunshine.

He wanted to stay in her arms forever, but he could not remain trapped in his thoughts anymore. “Do you want to go to breakfast together?” His voice was hoarse from sleepiness, at least that’s what he told himself. “Or we could have it brought here?”

“Thank you, but I will be spending the day with Mal.” Her chin jutted out as if she were daring him to fight that pronouncement.

“I see.” He sighed. Was this all he would get? A few hours of sleep with her? He would certainly take it over nothing, but why did she want to go be with the tracker? That idiot had always taken her for granted, done nothing to help with her self-esteem … Aleksander ground his teeth to stop himself from pointing out all of the tracker’s flaws.

“Are you good now?” she asked as she rose from the bed and went over to their shared closet.

“Thank you for letting me sleep.”

She started to dress and did nothing to hide her beautiful body from his gaze. Perhaps this was payback for his stripping in front of her the night before. Perhaps she wanted him to stare with longing as maybe she had? Or maybe she found the idea of covering up in front of each other just as awkward as he had. Then he saw what she was putting on.

Blue.

It was an arrow straight through his heart, and it hurt every bit as much as one. He knew that pain all too well from experience. “You will not be wearing that today,” he commanded.

“I will be wearing whatever I choose.” Her eyes stared right into his for a long moment, almost like a staring content, and then she went back to buttoning the blue kefta.

“Why?” He was desperate to understand her reasoning as he tried to hold together his composure.

“I like blue, very me, don’t you think?”

“Are you trying to torture me?” He gave up on trying to appear commanding and just let the pain show in his voice. “That outfit has hurt me every time you put it on since I offered you my colors.” Rejection, over and over again. It took on a new meaning now that she had already aligned herself with him. Now, it meant she disavowed their bond and that she wanted everyone to know she was no longer his.

She tilted her head and stared at him for a long moment. “Are you going to stop me?”

Finally, he caved and shook his head. “Wear what you want.” In the end, it was an outfit, one that hurt him, but an outfit nonetheless. They had more important things to agree on like protecting Grisha and the Fold. If letting her wear blue was what made her more willing to negotiate, he could endure the pain and humiliation as everyone gossiped about her leaving him.

“Has it occurred to you that maybe I’m testing you?”

He glanced up, his eyes wide. He was an expert at analyzing people and situations and reading any room. How did she always manage to surprise him? Why could he not think clearly when it came to her? “Testing me?”

“Baghra said you wanted to make me your slave, to take away my free will. I wanted to see what you would do if I insisted on my way with something I knew you disagreed with.”

“Alina …” His mother’s words again, tearing them apart. Is that what Alina thought? That he had done things against her will? That he was willing to? “I know you are upset with me for keeping you from your old life and forcing you to focus on your new one, but besides that … did I ever do anything against your will to make you believe her? Did I … not understand your consent? Did I make you think you had to? Did I touch you when you didn’t want to or …? ” He could not live with himself if any of that was true.

She was quiet for a moment. Her eyes flicked as she seemed to sort through memories or assess their previous interactions. “Never.”

“Then, why are you even considering believing her?”

“Because you didn’t give me a chance to make those decisions with full knowledge of who you are or the situation with Mal.”

The criticism hurt. Was it fair? He was so lost in his head that he wasn’t sure anymore. “It started with needing you to trust me, but then I got to know you. Would you understand if I said I was just so excited for someone to actually care about me … even if that required hiding who I was from you so you could.” Tears filled his eyes, but he would not let them fall. “Your love was so … addictive. I guess I just wanted to pretend that you could love me. It felt good.”

“You assume you had to hide who you were from me, that I couldn’t love who you actually are. You don’t know that. You didn’t give me a chance to even figure that out.”

“I’m trying to give you that chance now.”

“I know.”

“So?”

“So I’m giving you some tests.” She shrugged. “I’m trying to figure out what’s real. I’m paying attention to if you still lie to me, hide things from me, or if you try to manipulate me.”

“If it was a test, then did I pass?”

“You’re working on it.” She walked over to him and squeezed his arm. “Try not to spend the entire day stressing. Mal and I have a lot to catch up on. I’ll see you tonight.”

“Wait,” he said, rising from the bed and grabbing her arm before she could leave. She paused and looked up at him with curiosity but a bit of apprehension. He hated that she had been convinced to fear him, even a little, again. “I can’t let you go without a guard. Don’t give me grief about that. The tracker cannot protect you from Fjerdan assassins. Fedyor will still be sleeping off the extreme amount of alcohol we consumed last night. Let’s leave Ivan to tend to him. Plus, I’m more comfortable with Ivan guarding you at night.” He didn’t want to admit out loud that it was so he could know if she slept with the tracker. “Let me take you to Inessa,” he started to suggest just as the woman stepped into the doorway of the war room.

“Ivan sent for me. He thought you might need me this morning.” Aleksander smiled. That was exactly why Ivan was second-in-command. He always thought things through.

[ransomedrogue]

Tales of Woe - Scenes from S1

aw this is a hard ep, they’re both so heartbroken... so time for mini make up fic!

1.12

Her entire body was still swirling with emotion, even long after the scene had been secured and they were finally on their way back to the NYO. But the tiredness was starting to set in too, the result of another sleepless night, plus a stress-filled day.

Her anger about what happened to Charlie hadn't gone anywhere though. Jane remained furious that he'd been victimized and then killed because of what had been done to him. She was sure that he would still be alive, if only they hadn't handed him over.

If only Weller hadn't shot him.

Jane groaned inwardly at the mix of fire and hurt that flared when she thought about Weller. She didn't want to accept that he had to kill Charlie, despite rationally knowing that he hadn't had any other options. Part of her wondered if she was just holding onto her anger towards him because he'd apparently stood her up the previous night. It didn't matter that she hadn't been there either. It was still devastating that Kurt had decided things wouldn't work between them, especially without talking to her first.

She hadn't spoken to him since they'd argued at the scene but was sure that she'd caught him eyeing her during the ride back. Jane wondered how it was possible to feel so many things about someone at once, and about how things would be different if she'd gone to meet him in the park. Somehow she just couldn't picture him ditching her without a word. Though of course she'd done exactly that in her desperation to find out more about who she was.

When the SUV was parked and she opened the door to exit the vehicle, Jane was about to walk off when she heard him say her name.

Turning, she met his eyes for a moment and saw that they were hard, yet worried. As if he were trying to stay all business, but couldn't quite keep his concern from poking through.

"Go get cleared by medical before you come up to SIOC," he said, his frown definitely more anxious than stern.

Jane resisted rolling her eyes at him, but a little huff of irritation still escaped. He'd already told her once at the scene, she didn't need to be reminded. Even though any other time she'd be a little charmed by his worry for her, at the moment it felt like he was using it as evidence that she hadn't had control of the situation.

She headed off to medical and sat on the exam table, waiting for the doctor to arrive. Her emotions were still riding high for awhile but eventually some of her regret and anger dissipated, as her system finally began to settle down.

Still, it wasn't until the doctor started the exam that Jane felt the aching of her body. But when he pressed on her ribs and a grunt of pain came out, she had to admit that Charlie had hit her hard, a few times. The doctor clearly suspected some of the purpling on her chest indicated fractures and looked carefully at the bruising on her neck too, before sending her for x-rays.

By the time she'd been fully scanned, Jane had a headache and was a lot sorer than she'd anticipated. Thankfully though, the doctor couldn't see any breaks in the images and cleared her for the moment, telling her to return for more x-rays if the pain didn't subside.

As the doctor opened the door to leave, Jane thought she saw a glimpse of Weller walking by and glancing into the room. Which immediately made her annoyed again, feeling as if he was checking on her like a disobedient child, even after having told her twice.

As she finished getting dressed, the irritation still sat with her, despite the little voice that tried to tell her that he was just worried about her. She didn't want his concern, not when she was fine and he'd taken away her chance at saving Charlie.

But the fire in her wasn't as strong anymore, and her muscles were all starting to complain. So when she saw the expression on his face, Jane flashed back to the way he'd looked on that rooftop. And suddenly his perspective was able to sneak in, just a bit.

She wasn't sure how much of the fight he'd seen from the other rooftop before he'd taken the shot. But he had at least seen her get thrown down hard, watched as a gun was pointed right at her by an unpredictable super soldier.

He had one shot and had to make sure. She knew that as well as anyone; would certainly have done exactly the same had their positions been reversed. It just ate at her, knowing how unfair it had been for Charlie. He hadn't asked for any of it, had just been doing his best to survive despite having his memory chemically removed.

Jane felt her jaw grinding as her anger and guilt started to rise once more. She was pissed off that Weller was right and that Charlie was dead and she was possibly complicit in all of it. And then there was that other reason she was upset with him, one that she couldn't even look at because it hurt too much.

So when she walked out of the medical room and Weller was standing right there, with a cloud of worry hovering over him, her first instinct was to ignore him and stride away. But then he stepped towards her and she couldn't escape his concerned gaze, or the small hit of comfort it gave her, despite her resentment at his presence.

"Did you get cleared?" he asked, looking her over carefully.

Jane scowled at the spark that his question lit in her, annoyed at how much she liked the concern in his voice.

She was fine, she told herself.

There was nothing broken. Except her heart.

###

Weller knew he was obsessing, but he couldn't stop checking on her.

Even though he kept reminding himself that she didn't appear injured, it took actually seeing her to satisfy the irrational fear in his gut. Because that other image, the one where he watched a super soldier blow her head off, wouldn't stop returning as soon as she was out of sight.

So there he was, making up a reason to pass by the medical room and peek in the open door, just to reassure himself that Jane was alive and where she was supposed to be. Which would probably annoy her even more if she caught him at it, considering her disposition towards him at the moment. Plus, he'd already told her twice, so checking on her again was bordering on stalking.

Weller growled at himself, irritated at how the day had gone. He hated having her angry at him, especially after what had happened between them. Or more precisely, what had happened to him.

Kurt tried to fight off the memory but didn't have any success. Being stood up by her, without any explanation, had hurt more than he thought possible.

Standing there alone in the park, he'd felt so goddamned vulnerable, and his emotional walls had instantly shot right back up. It had been a pretty big blow to his ego, considering there seemed to be no plausible reason she didn't show up, except for regret about kissing him. Which had all led to him lying to her that morning, before she could say anything at all; an act that he wasn't proud of.

Maybe she had an explanation, his mind supplied, unhelpfully.

And you were just too chicken to hear it.

At the time, Weller had convinced himself he was just giving her an out. But of course he'd been protecting himself too. Now, Kurt groaned, feeling like he'd messed everything up by trying not to mess things up with Jane. He'd told himself that it was enough just to have her back, that it was inappropriate to go down that road with her anyways. Yet he couldn't stop thinking about that kiss on his doorstep, the way their bodies had felt together.

Ever since then though, things had been different. Which made it hard to not read it as regret on her part. Despite the fact he was sure she'd enjoyed the moment as much as he had.

Weller hurried by, hoping he hadn't been noticed, and propelled himself away from the medical area, yet somehow finding a reason to stay on the same floor so he had to pass by again on his way back to the elevators. And, of course, somehow his timing led him to encounter Jane, just as she walked out into the hallway.

She looked a bit startled to see him standing right there and Weller found himself stepping back even though he really wanted to reach out for her. In all his stewing about being stood up, he'd nearly blocked out the fact that she was likely still mad at him for taking the shot. Which was fine of course; he was certainly willing to accept her fury in return for her life.

"Did you get cleared?"

Jane narrowed her eyes at him, her mouth set in an expression he couldn't quite read.

"Yeah. Just some bruises," she replied. But her voice was a bit raspy and Kurt was sure he saw her wince as she moved.

Weller looked her up and down, wondering how that was possible. He'd watched her go toe to toe with a super soldier on all sorts of performance enhancing drugs. It seemed impossible that she hadn't been injured while fighting him. Yet incredibly Jane had held her own, right up until Charlie grabbed the gun.

"How's your throat?" he asked, unable to push back his protective instincts.

"I'm fine, Kurt," she replied brusquely. "I would have…"

Weller shook his head, unwilling to let her keep thinking she could have saved Charlie somehow. If Jane wanted to be mad at him, that was fine. But she had to understand that Charlie's actions had sealed his fate.

"Jane," he said. "I know it wasn't his fault. But that man was a killing machine and he had a weapon on you. There was no other option. I wasn't going to watch him shoot you."

The image washed over him again and Weller choked a little on his words, the last ones coming out a bit shaky.

Jane looked up, still frowning at him. But then she closed her eyes wearily for a moment and sighed irritably while rubbing her face.

"I just keep thinking about his mom," she mumbled, almost too quiet to hear.

"She just got him back. And now he's gone again."

God, she was heartbreaking, even when hostile.

"Jane, I wish there was something else I could have done. But he had your gun pointed at you. How do you think I would have felt if I had the shot and didn't take it, and then you died as a result?"

"I wish I had another choice. But I couldn't risk losing you."

Jane scowled and Weller's heart sank, thinking that she was going to walk away from him. But then she surprised him again, by stepping towards him instead, her expression turning less resentful.

"I'm still angry about what happened," she stated.

"But I'm not mad at you. I know you had to shoot and I know it couldn't have been easy. So… Thank you."

It was begrudging but it was a start. Even getting that much from her made his heart a little less heavy. Though it was still shattered, at least it wasn't getting stomped on any further.

"You don't have to thank me, Jane. It's my job to have your back out there," he replied, trying to deflect the effect her words were having on him.

"Oh, and before I forget. Mayfair wants to see you," Weller added, slipping the message in during a moment of relative peace between them.

Jane immediately looked concerned, the frown returning to her face.

"About what?" she asked.

"She didn't say," Kurt replied, even though he knew what it would be about. He felt bad for Jane, having previously been through the dressing down she was about to face.

But, then again, seeing the scowl in Jane's expression, Weller wasn't entirely sure who he felt sorry for. Because Mayfair was going to be pissed off, but Jane could take it. And she looked just as ready to fire it right back.

[shemakesmusic-uk]

Getting To Know...

Julia Bhatt.

Julia Bhatt's debut album it is what it is will be released independently on July 20, 2022. The lead single off the album, the jangly indie pop ‘Cotton Candy,’ is out now.

From September 2019 to early March 2020, Julia was in a whirlwind of life-changes: she released her first three singles (’Tall,’ ‘Marco’ and ‘I'm Cool’), turned eighteen and graduated high school. Just as she was really getting started with the announcement of her first ever tour however, the pandemic brought everything to a standstill. Holed up in Miami and states away from her mentor and producer Elliot Jacobson (Ingrid Michaelson, Elle King, Vérité) in New York City, she started to write songs on software, Ableton Live, rather than on the guitar - a whole new creative experience for her. Proving that while the world was in quarantine, she could not be contained. In a creative burst of energy, she's released the singles ‘Miami’ and ‘Bird Girl’ as well as her debut EP 2 steps back since March 2020. The first music to come from this new approach to making music were her 2021 singles ‘1:30′ and ‘Hair Salon Vibes’ both of which will be included on the debut album.

We had a chat with Julia all about ‘Cotton Candy’, it is what it is, her creative process and more. Read the Q&A below.

Hi Julia! How are you? What does a typical day look like for you at the moment?

“I just quit my restaurant social media job in favor of working a more consistent schedule since I have this album coming out so four out of seven days I work as a hostess for a little pizza restaurant. Other days, I sleep as much as I can, buy stupid mystery toys at Walgreens, clean the house. Normal stuff.”

You've recently released your new single 'Cotton Candy.’ What can you tell us about the track and what do you hope listeners take away from the song?

“It’s a super upbeat track about being loved and cherished. I hope people feel nice when they listen. That’s the goal. This is one of my more lyrically-chill songs, to be honest, so it’s mostly about the vibes, if you will.”

'Cotton Candy' and your previous two singles are taken from your upcoming debut album. What can you tell us about the record?

“It’s definitely a mix of everything. It’s been a while in the making so it’s got stuff I wrote when I was 15/16 and then there’s stuff I wrote a few months ago. Some were written on the guitar, some were tracks my producer sent that we morphed into songs. It’s truly a grab bag, but I feel like that’s what my music style is.”

What is your songwriting/creative process like? I understand you switched from writing/creating songs on guitar to Ableton Live during the pandemic? What do you enjoy the most about it and what do you find most challenging?

“I think it’s definitely more simple for lyric writing. You already have the music so for me, I just kinda start singing and see what happens. However, that means that whatever flows out has to match the music as if they were written together. Sometimes that messes me up. I have a track that I love but I felt I could never get right. It won’t be on the album; which is frustrating for my producer I'm sure, but it just doesn’t feel right.”

Finally, what else is next for you? Any shows coming up?

“Working on shows! Covid is still going strong unfortunately so I’m trying to be safe and keep listeners safe. I do live in Florida though. A bit of a contradiction. I hope to have some soon. Mostly just excited for the album!! We’ve got a decent chunk of time before it comes out so promo! lol”

Julia Bhatt Music · Cotton Candy

Photo credit: Shervin Lainez

[9worldstales]

MCU Loki: Why so far it had been disappointing how the series has dealt with what the TVA had been doing

Right from when the series started I carried on the belief that what the TVA was doing was horrible, a mix between a Nazi regime and a fanatical cult down to the elements of police brutality, to the extermination and persecution of people they felt different and lesser, detrimental for their own self being all out of blind faith to something they were indoctrinated into.

I was expecting a serious analysis of this from the show since Waldron seemed to be so enthusiast of the TVA as it was his creature

“The TVA is just an entirely new world [with] a new cast of characters, and that’s what felt most exciting about the show: building a new corner of the MCU.’ What if this was the best show ever?’ I think that was literally my pitch. My pitch for the show was kind of a big, crazy, fun-time adventure.”

[‘Loki’ Writer Michael Waldron On Building ‘A New Corner Of The MCU’]

References to the TVA being bad needed to wait till Ep. 3 “Lamentis 1” and where just two lines:

Sylvie: So, naturally you went to work for the boring, oppressive time police. [Ep 3]

Sylvie: It must have started when I spent my entire life running from the omniscient fascists you work for. [Ep 3]

More than focusing on how horrid the TVA is, both sentences criticize Loki for cooperating with the TVA even if he was forced into it as he couldn’t escape, cooperating with them was his only way to survive, the implication being he should have taken the hero route and die instead than accept to join forces with the TVA.

Mind you, it could have been an interesting angle to look at. How people can embrace terrible things in order to survive. After all we saw Loki cooperating with Thanos under the promise if he were to fail recovering the Tesseract death would be a preferable option than failure.

THE OTHER: You will have your war, Asgardian. If you fail, if the Tesseract is kept from us, there will be no realm, no barren moon, no crevice where he can't find you. You think you know pain? He will make you long for something as sweet as pain.

The series could have drawn parallels from both situations, either making a point one should never bent or that sometimes you can’t do anything else but bent because not everyone is born as a hero, or because you’re just waiting for a time in which you can oppose as sometimes getting heroically killed for your ideals can be also very unproductive.

But no, it’s not this series.

Loki will maintain he accepted to work with the TVA not because his other option was being killed (something that’s remarked more than once), but because he wanted to get to the Time-Keepers to steal their powers or something like that. If he’s lying to himself to cope with the situation that’s not a problem the series pose to itself as the series seem to embrace this explanation even if it made clear Loki would be reset if he didn’t cooperate.

Episode 3 also introduces the idea that people at the TVA works under a false belief. They think they were created by the Time-Keepers but in truth they are brainwashed Variants they kidnapped from their timelines.

Okay, it was another possible interesting route. Loki was a Frost Giant raised on the idea he was an Asgardian, there could be a parallel here… though one that, for the TVA, was less interesting.

The TVA members are enthusiastic believers. Most of them show no empathy toward the Variants, no pity. They belittle and humiliate them, handle them as beings with no rights, punish them for not obeying rules they didn’t know existed in the first place. Feelings rage from enjoying doing it to just doing it the way a boot steps over a ant to use a familiar metaphor.

The fact that in episode 4 B-15, after discovering the truth, will go: ‘I looked happy (in my previous life)!’ doesn’t really make me feel very sorry for her on an intellectual plan.

Yes, what the TVA did to B-15 was wrong, but what about what she did to others without a single remorse? Enjoying her work?

But, whatever, not everyone on the TVA seemed to belittle Variants, in ep 1 & 2 Mobius showed some form of pity for them, not enough it’ll stop him but enough we can think he didn’t enjoy what was being done to the Variants so knowing how he’ll react could be interesting, couldn’t it?

We reach Ep. 4 “Nexus Event”.

While we see the TVA did to a child version of Sylvie what they did to Loki and this time there isn’t any ounce of doubt that it wasn’t fun, this isn’t really used to throw shades at the TVA but to underline how Sylvie’s life was miserable.

Sylvie: I remember Asgard. Not much, but I remember. My home, my people, my life. The universe wants to break free, so it manifests chaos. Like me being born the Goddess of Mischief. And as soon as that created a big enough detour from the Sacred Timeline, the TVA showed up, erased my reality, and took me prisoner. I was just a child. I escaped. Stole a TemPad and I ran for a long, long time, which really sucked. Everywhere and every-when I went, it caused a nexus event. Sent up a smoke flare. Because I'm not supposed to exist. Until, eventually, I figured out where to hide. And so that's where I grew up, the ends of a thousand worlds. ( /Scoffs/ ) Now... that's where I'll die.

Thanks to the TVA, so it’s possible to make the connection that if Sylvie was in pain due to the TVA the TVA is a bad guy, but it’s again left vague.

In an episode that feel the need to have Loki define himself as a ‘horrible person’ and a ‘narcissist’, that calls him ‘an asshole and a bad friend’ using ‘a cockroach's survival mechanism’ when he actually says the truth and how he is a ‘conniving, craven, pathetic worm’ who should know he ‘deserve to be alone and always will be’ let’s not talk about how terrible the TVA is.

After all, according to the previous episode they’re just ‘boring, oppressive, omniscient fascists’. Nothing big.

And it’s nothing big, really.

C-20, B-15 and even Mobius, once discovering the truth are solely concerned about how the TVA lied to them, not of how they had been the TVA accomplices into wiping countless lives from existence.

Hunter B-15: I looked happy. What now?

Hunter C-20: "Calm down"? I'm a Variant. So are you. So is every single person in this place. I'm ending this.

Mobius: You know where I'd go if I could go anywhere? Wherever it is I'm really from. Yeah, wherever I had a life before the TVA came along. Maybe I had a jet ski. That's what I'd like to do. Just riding around on my jet ski.

They don’t care about what they had done with the TVA, they are okay with burning the place merely because the TVA has wronged them. But okay, maybe they need time to elaborate, to realize the implication of what they’ve done.

For C-20, who was reset, there’s no more time but…

Hunter B-15: Why am I locked in here?

Renslayer: You freed the Variant. You were disloyal to the TVA.

Hunter B-15: Disloyal?

Renslayer: Did you think you'd escape punishment for that?

Hunter B-15: Disloyal to who? You were in the Time-Keepers' chambers. They weren't real.

Renslayer: And why does that change anything?

Hunter B-15: That changes everything! The people need to know the truth.

Actually what the people need prior to that is to stop. Stop pruning other existences who’re exactly the same as their own. The biggest problem, the biggest CRIME isn’t that the TVA has done TO THEM, as, in doing so, it has at least spared their lives, it’s that they had killed countless galaxies and continue doing so.

So we move to Mobius.

I… I really don’t get what the series wants to do with Mobius. Although he wasn’t perfect, he seemed a decent guy in episode 1 & 2, one that wouldn’t enjoy hurting or scaring Variants without a reason. Yes he believed they needed to be eliminated… but didn’t enjoy doing it.

Yes, the way he ‘interrogated’ Loki in episode 1 was bad… but he believed he was doing only his work, that interrogation might have a point, some of the things he said weren’t meant to be just verbally abusive for the sake of it but were part of his ‘credo’ in which people had to follow the path of the sacred timeline and a side of him might have felt sympathy or pity for him. Although he knew it was risky he wanted to have faith in Loki.

Episode 4 tossed all that away with the worst interrogation scene possible. It contained gratuitous beating, psychological abuse/manipulation, derogatory comments, pointless questions while Mobius defined himself as Loki’s friend in the same episode. That scene has no purpose if not to beat and belittle Loki. What’s worse, when Mobius discovers the truth and goes to Loki, instead than asking him how he feels after such a beating he asks him what he’s doing… and I won’t dig into the rest of the conversation because it’s horrid.

Mobius’ ideas of apology for what he has done to his supposed friend is:

Mobius: You were right, about the TVA. You were right from the beginning. And if you wanna save her, you need to trust me. Can we do that?

Loki: Yes.

Mobius: Okay. You could be whoever, whatever you wanna be, even someone good. I mean, just in case anyone ever told you different.

It was Mobius who told him differently. Okay, he has acknowledged Loki was right and he was wrong but not that he had unfairly had him beaten for God knows how long for no reason. But okay, maybe Mobius too needed time to internalize all that, so let’s look at episode 5.

Let’s face it, no, what Mobius did to Loki won’t come up again with Loki, Sylvie will merely tell Loki (and to us) Mobius ‘isn't so bad’ and that he cares about Loki. Loki will counter Mobius isn’t so good either but that’s why he gets along with him.

I… I’m not sure what the series is trying to do at this point with Mobius, all we get about what he did with the Variants in Episode 5 is this.

Mobius: All that time, I really believed we were the good guys.

Sylvie: Annihilating entire realities, orphaning little girls, classic hero stuff.

Mobius: Well, I guess when you think the ends justify the means, there's not much you won't do. By the way, you did some annihilating too.

Sylvie: I did what I had to do.

Mobius: Yeah, so did I.

Sylvie: You hunted me like a dog.

Mobius: I'm sorry about that.

Mobius admits they weren’t the good guys, which would be great if it wasn’t for the fact the moment Sylvie points out how he was dumb at not realizing it sooner because we finally are told that the TVA is responsible for ‘Annihilating entire realities, orphaning little girls’, Mobius defends his actions!

The ends justify the means, you did some annihilating too, I did what I had to do.

Hey, news flash, no, those aren’t excuses. This is not a game about who annihilated more make penitence and anyway, if this was the case, the TVA wins. You killed countless people and now you’re complaining you aren’t a hero? That others are bad too? That you were forced to do it when you were a willing believer that refused to question things even though Loki immediately pointed out how it all was dumb?

Mobius: Odin, God of the Heavens. Asgard, mystical realm, beyond the stars. Frost Giants. Listen to yourself...

Loki: It's not the same. It's completely different. No. It's not the same.

Mobius: It's exactly the same thing. Because if you think too hard about where any of us came from, who we truly are, it sounds kinda ridiculous. Existence is chaos. Nothing makes any sense, so we try to make some sense of it. And I'm just lucky that the chaos I emerged into gave me all this... My own glorious purpose. Cause the TVA is my life. And it's real because I believe it's real.

It took Sylvie remarking he hunted her like a animal to finally get him to apologize on something… and she’s the only one he apologizes to.

We don’t hear him apologizing to the other Loki Variants and this is his new glorious purpose:

Kid Loki: Mobius, assuming you do get back to the TVA, what exactly are you getting yourself into?

Mobius: I don't know. I'd like to let people know the truth.

Again it seems the biggest deal is the TVA lied to them and took them away from their lives, not that they pruned countless others without a care.

There’s no self reflection, there’s no horror for what they had done to the other Variants who were just like them.

When Kid Loki and Classic Loki say they’ll remain there because that’s their home he doesn’t counter ‘no, this isn’t and I’m sorry we let you believe this.’ It’s Loki who worries for them, pointing out the dangers of the place. Mobius, who’s either directly responsible or connected to the one responsible for them ending there and losing their whole world, says nothing.

So his sympathy toward the Variants, his pity… was it all fake?

Doesn’t he care anymore? This is the road the story decided to go with him?

Since Mobius has gained popularity into the fandom thanks to the first 2 episodes, to Owen Wilson and to those who shipped him with Loki, let’s strip him of what really made him great, the fact he didn’t enjoy mistreating the Variants and turns him into someone who doesn’t care?

What next, is he going to become the new villain?

Damn it, this series started with a full episode questioning what Loki did in New York, pointing out how Loki’s belief ‘he would make it easy for humans’ because ‘freedom is a lie’ is an idiocy, how he was just a murderer and asking him if he enjoyed hurting people and making him say that no, he didn’t that he was bad, that he was a narcissist and yadda, yadda, yadda, then it turns out Mobius annihilated entire realities, orphaning little girls, all because freedom is a lie and we’ve all to do what the Time-Keepers decided and let’s have the guy you call friend beaten up at random for no good reason and… and that’s what we get?

That he rebels to the Time-Keepers because they had dared to lie TO HIM about not having created him?

Is the series trying to make a point about how people at the TVA can accuse Loki of not being good but they’re actually worse because they did much worse and didn’t care at all about their victims?

Is it a critic to society, that find easy to criticize someone but can’t admit they do worse? Won’t even see they’re doing worse and would resent instead for any little slight done to them?

It would be an interesting theme… the problem is it doesn’t seem to be the goal of the series as it tends to overlook the TVA, its fascist behaviour and the annihilation of civilizations at the hands of willing, albeit indoctrinated members, to focus more on how the TVA wronged solely Sylvie (her complain about her being orphaned is more about HER being orphaned than about HER PARENTS having been killed) and the TVA members.

It’s fair to see the TVA members as victims… they are… but what about the other Variants who got erased? What about how the TVA members had been complicit in said elimination, enjoying it, gratuitously mistreating and belittling Variants before eliminating them?

Is it just up to us viewers realize it because the story isn’t going to do the work for us?

I don’t know. I hope the last episode will do something to fix this.

There’s still an episode after all and maybe I’m worrying over nothing, maybe someone, Mobius preferably because I want to go back considering him a decent guy, not perfect because nobody is perfect but decent, and I don’t like what episode 4 has done with him, will regret what was done to way too many people by the ones who were working at the TVA.

I’ll be fine if they still need to internalize what they had done... but I’d like for them to be done internalizing before the series ends because otherwise it’s just skipping over the whole topic.

So... I’ll try to keep hopeful. Maybe they won’t disappoint me.

[glassesandkim]

ok so anon sent me a rant that i asked for and I want to answer it but under a cut so we don’t have to spam the dash. 

Click under the read more if you want to read me and anon’s rant on grey’s anatomy s17 finale

anon said: “Magston... what the hell lmao. They literally had a whole plot in 1716 about postponing their wedding so they could do it right (with family) and then winston was getting all mad about it and thought maggie was backing out (even though its a pandemic and theyve only been engaged for like what? 3 months tops). Then they flew their older parent/grandparent out (in the middle of a pandemic and severely affects old people), only to have them object to the wedding at the ceremony and then they postpone anyways???? What???? They couldnt have done that over the phone lmao like I liked the idea of magston a lot in s16 but their arc this season made me hate them so much lol. Sometimes I think theyre less developed than schmico (like which writer decided to marry them this season ????? Fireable offence imo considering they have no previous relationship history Im pretty sure and Im pretty sure they were only dating/engaged for like a year???? Even if the show was ending a moving in together/dating/engagment endgame would have worked for them? Anyways).”

First of all: what the fuck is grey’s obsession with marriage?????

It might just be me, but take it from someone who worked in the wedding industry for 3 years, and lemme tell you: weddings are fun, beautiful, amazing, but they’re also hella for the privileged. YOU KNOW IT CAN COST UP TO $700 CAD TO HIRE AN OFFICIANT??? So the job Richard had? He could’ve made an easy few hundies. 

I really hate how fucking fake and badly acted that scene was when Maggie’s dad and Winston’s grandma objected to the marriage. Why did they wait until then and EMBARRASS both of them???? Like you said, what the hell was the point of last episode’s whole debacle???? They could’ve just not done that plot in ep 16 and had them get married anyway in ep 17 and had someone object to their marriage. 

Can’t believe Maggie flew two old people around the country during a goddamn pandemic. How irresponsible is it???? Again, I don’t know if it’s because they’re just way more relaxed in the states than where I’m from but wth....

anon said: Okay and then amelink. I LOVED how amelia was written this episode, but in the context of the time jump it was kind of weird? Like amelia was feeling this way about marriage/more kids for 8-9 months and never even hinted to link that she wasnt interested? And I like to think link respects amelia a lot, so why didnt he bring up marriage again before proposing? Or ask mer/maggie what they thought about him proposing? I can understand her not talking to link about her concerns but I find it hard to believe she didnt bring it up with mer/maggie once in that time frame? Idk it was just rushed and weird. And amelia clearly wasnt okay with the fostering thing and he still went with it anyways lol.

I can’t remember and I don’t care enough to go watch the ep, but did Amelia and Link move out of Mer’s house? 

The only good thing about this episode was Amelia, especially her conversation with Richard (in that not very Seattle courtyard rofl HONESTLY GREY’S PUT SOME EFFORT IN YOUR SETS. YOU KNOW YOUR ENTIRE SHOW IS SET IN SEATTLE RIGHT/???? LIKE MAKE IT RAIN IN THAT COURTYARD TO REFLECT HOW AMELIA FEELS IDK GAWD)

I also can’t believe Amelia would just be like, welp! I guess I’m a double mom now of my own child and this random crotch child that my baby daddy promised to his best friend. And oh ya, I don’t want anymore children but shhh its a secert.

I mean, I know Amelia technically fostered before but ............. (i’ll continue this in the next segment)

anon said: And the fostering thing... Jo’s plot was weird this ep too lmao. Like maybe Im just dumb but they never explained why she failed her background check? Idk this plot would have been a much better season long arc than a one episode arc lol. Although I think the single parent thing might be fun next season (the weird jo/levi friendship will be worth it if we get schmico babysitting)

They didn’t really explain why she failed her bg check. I also don’t know how money can fix her failed background check.

Also how fucking shady is it that Link and Amelia fostered a child? Wouldn’t the foster people want to give a child to a stable family who, let’s think, ARE MARRIED and HAVE A HOME OF THEIR OWN?

Who’s the dumbass in the writer’s room that thought of this ludicrous convenient solution for Jo? Only people with that much money and power can steal children. 

I really thought Jo’s fight for Luna should’ve started earlier and when it didn’t start, I thought it would bleed into next season. It’s not easy to adopt a child. 

anon said: Also is our last jackson appearance on this show really a random facetime with jo? Would have much rather had a face maggie to congratulate her on her marriage (why wasnt he there???) 

Maggie’s kind of his step sister or whatever the f they are. Jackson could’ve taken a break from solving racism to attend his family member’s wedding, right?

anon said: Okay and then the interns... we never actually saw mer teaching them? Im hoping that theres a bigger intern/resident focus next season because of mers new job but now Im not optimistic haha. And why are the residents and interns grouped together? And why was levi so involved with mer’s patient that he wasnt pulled from the wedding to help???????? Its a double lung transplant get the upper year resident in there PLEASE!!! Or at least let him take over the surgery when mer passed out. Cristina would have been doing this shit in her intern year. I assure you he would much rather be at the surgery than the wedding of someone he has never interacted with. And Surely that surgery would have been better if more than 2 surgeons were working on it?????? my ONLY hope is that the time jump means we’re getting helm and levi aged up to 5th years and we get some chief resident/specialization/boards plots for them next year.

i hate grey’s and their ridiculous time jumps and blatant disregard to HOW THIS WILL AFFECT THE CAREERS OF THEIR RESIDENTS. 

I bet, like Teddy’s child, Levi and Helm are gonna be residents for 10 years and never choose a speciality. I want to revoke grey’s rights to call themselves a medical drama. There’s nothing medical about this show.

JUST WATCH MER TOUCH A DIRTY ASS BASIN AND THEN TOUCH A WHOLE HUMAN LUNG WITH THE SAME HANDS

YOU KNOW HOW DIRTY THAT BASIN IS SITTING ON WHATEVER THE FUCK IT WAS SITTING ON??? GET A NURSE TO HOLD THE BASIN. YOUR HANDS ARE STERILE

(Okay, I’m also sure the basin would be sterile but I can’t. I can’t believe in real life, they’d have the same hands hold a basin and a human organ. Someone who’s a doctor or works in the OR, tell me if I’m right. I need to know. )

Also, Bailey taking off her mask when she’s hugging Mer after the surgery. Right TO JAIL!

anon said: And finally... not half of maggies wedding guests ditching the wedding to go stand in a hallway and clap for mer LMAO like they couldnt have done that the next day??? Like I said before, most of this episode was comedy lol.

it’s COVID. Why are people going into the hospital unnecessarily??????

Yes, but you’re right. I gotta watch these eps like it’s a comedy or I’ll LOSE MY FACKING MIND

anon said: Redeeming parts of this episode: merhayes still has potential, need them to stop having the same scene over and over again though. Nico ily and alex get that cheque for sitting there, dancing, and clapping for ellen. Jo selling her shares to koracick... lmao. Bokhee and the other nurse getting their vaccines :’)

LOL @ merhayes having the same interaction. I was telling some people that I’d love for Hayes and Owen to have some scenes and for Hayes to kick Owen’s ass. Because like @schmico-ing said, Owen is a child collector and Hayes would absolutely fucking hate him.

YES ALEX LANDI GETTIN’ THAT DOUUUUGHHHHHHHHHHHHH. What an amazing job. I hope he gets paid in the 6 figures for his time at grey’s.

I don’t know how I feel about Koracick. I love caring Koracick. I hate asshole Koracick. I feel like they’re two different people. 

BOHKEE <3

Anyways, love your rants. I look forward to them when s18 starts or even whenever you have the odd urge to rant!

[prince-of-elsinore]

More reasons to enjoy Season 12

Part 2 to this post

These are just my (mostly) not too serious thoughts on things I enjoyed about season 12 (which believe me, I do have criticism of, but not for this post) now that I have finished my re-watch of it.

- they unfridged the original fridged woman. bold move, good course correction

- Mick as a foil to Sam, Ketch as a foil to Dean. That's all. 

- it's goddamn refreshing to have Sam and Dean on the same page most of the time! Like in 12x15 Somewhere Between Heaven and Hell, Sam has been keeping the secret that he's working with the BMOL. But the secret only lasts one episode, and when Sam realizes he needs to come clean, Dean doesn't blow up at him. Sam being honest and Dean being accepting of Sam's decision: both evidence of growth! And in 15x20 The Future, they're on the same page about not wanting to let Cass go with Kelly. They both think he's been brainwashed (b/c that is definitely what it looks like). I just like seeing them agree on stuff, ok?

- Sam embracing his life and feeling comfortable with himself!! I see this season as a turning point, especially for Sam. I don't believe he's simply been brow-beaten into accepting a life he hates; I think he's consciously choosing to embrace the good of what he does and to take pride in it. His relationship with hunting will never be the same as Dean's, but, like I said: they're on the same page. As he tells Mary in 12x14 The Raid--"I chose this life." This is mostly due to choosing Dean, more than choosing hunting, but in any case, it is a conscious choice and Sam is making the one that is worth it to him, the choice that brings him fulfillment. And he even sees new worth in hunting itself, in a way that is very much in line with his character, as he expresses in 12x18 The Memory Remains (which I talk about more here).

- and that newfound confidence and comfort with who he is allows Sam to take a huge step in 12x22 Who We Are. I was so proud of him when he says "I called you here" instead of "We called you here." Sam has always had an independent streak, and he's stepping out from Dean's shadow in a healthy way here. He's allowing himself to be an individual agent. I always felt that in the end, he needed something of his own to be fulfilled, more than hunting with Dean--either a mentorship or leadership position (both of which he gets in the late seasons). This is his first step towards that, and he's so capable of it! He is a badass and he leads the hunters to victory over the BMOL on his own. 

- and Dean lets him!! This is a huge step for Dean too! Of course he's still worried about Sam (the "you come back" gets me every time), but he's not insisting on being there to protect him. He believes in Sam. He tells Sam he's ready for this, and when Sam hears it from Dean, he knows it's true. They need each other, but here we're seeing need of a healthier type--the way no one is an island, and we all need the love and support of our friends/family. They offer each other that, and it gives them the strength they need. I was so proud of Dean in that moment.

- ALSO so proud of Dean for, for once, acknowledging his own needs. Trying to save Mary is the right task for Dean--he'll never give up on family. But in the process, he speaks some truths that needed speaking. Admitting that he was set up to fail in raising Sam, that his whole life has been so unfair. Letting himself feel resentment towards the family whose hold is so tight on him. But, at the end of the day, still choosing love. "I hate you. And I love you. 'Cause I can't – I can't help it. You're my Mom. And I understand... 'cause I have made deals to save the ones I love more than once." Dean understands better than anyone that sometimes love causes harm, but it's still love and who can blame a person who acts out of love? And the thing is, love can also redeem. And here, Mary and Dean, both of whom have made some terrible choices in the name of love, find their way back to each other through love. Dean gives Mary the forgiveness he seeks for himself. This is Dean at his best.

- and even Sam gets in on the action. He, too, chooses love, and forgiveness. The family hug at the end of Who We Are is EVERYTHING.

- ok Who We Are isn't the only good episode so I'm gonna backtrack to talk about some others, like 12x11 Regarding Dean--it's funny! It's sad! Carrying on a great spn tradition of episodes like Mystery Spot and Yellow Fever. The sticky notes are wonderful. Sam knowing Dean well enough to leave them in the trunk of the Impala, with a big "NO" over the grenade launcher. Dean holding up "Witch Killing Bullets" without saying a word. Pointing his gun in confusion at Sam, who yells and points, "Brother! Witch!" :)

- 12x12 Stuck in the Middle (With You)—who doesn’t love a Tarantino tribute? (Having just watched Kill Bill, I can certainly say I love it). And the return of the Colt! Crowley's "It’s amazing what some people just leave laying about." Snark king.

- 12x13 Family Feud—I want to write a longer meta about the theme of family and love and sacrifice in this episode, so I won't go into it here. But another nice thing is how united the brothers are in their anger when Mary reveals she's been working with the BMOL. It's the closest we get to addressing Sam's torture and violation at the beginning of the season. I get the feeling Dean isn't so angry b/c of what Lady Bevell did to him, but b/c of what she did to Sam, which makes me think he knows it was bad, and Dean supported Sam in whatever he needed after that, whether it was talking about it or just giving some space, etc. Love some defensive big brother Dean.

- 12x14 The Raid—Actually a pretty tense action episode. And Mick is cool.

- 12x16 Ladies Drink Free—The Mick team-up is fun (I like changing up the dynamics), as is seeing them stay in a 3 star hotel lol. Dean has some good moments that highlight his growth, too. His "I used to think the same thing, too" to Mick, as if it weren't already obvious that he's taken "saving people" more to heart than "hunting things." He's done a lot of work to evolve beyond who he was with the Mark of Cain and even before. He also makes it perfectly clear what he thinks of guys skeeving on underage girls, and it's nice the writers finally emphasize that Dean does not like that behavior. He's past the point in his life where he'd make a joke about cheerleaders being legal (back in season 4. Quick digression: that's definitely a gross thing to say, but I always saw it as performative more than a declaration of intent. He puts on what he thinks macho guys would say. Not that Dean doesn't oggle what he likes, but one thing has always been very clear to me about Dean--he's a fan of enthusiastic consent. Anyway this should probably be a longer post b/c I could talk about Dean and performative masculinity and sexual attraction ad nauseam so I'll leave it there)

- 12x18 The Memory Remains—I've already gone over in my previous meta what this ep says about legacy, but there are other fun things about it. Like a Goat-headed monster! Man, how long has it been since the bros took on an urban legend like this? Like... any since freakin' Bloody Mary? Also Dean being cool with the kid smoking weed. You just know he likes to light up sometimes. Man, I need more weed-smoking Dean in my life

- 12x20 Twigs and Twine and Tasha Banes--this is a good fuckin ep. Finally, someone else on this goddamn show is allowed to be as codependent and unwise as Sam and Dean, and isn't punished for it. Let Max keep his wood-puppet sister! (Wow I KNOW it's really fucked up b/c I guess he can control her, too, but damn if it isn't fascinating. And sad. I hope they figure out some way to restore her autonomy) I stan two (2) codependent witch twins

- 12x21 Something About Mary--I'm a sucker for the silent communication and flawless telepathy as Sam and Dean find the bug and lay the trap for the BMOL. And that letter from Eileen :C (Even if her thing with Sam leaves me cold, I'm glad she got to come back to life b/c she sure didn't deserve to go like that)

- Ok one more thing about Who We Are--I'm a sucker for the angst of them thinking they're gonna die trapped in the bunker. And then Dean comes through with the grenade launcher, AND gets out the hole before it caves in. BAMF. I love that they saved themselves rather than some deus ex machina. No Supernatural interference necessary. Not even any deals with reapers, etc.

- I lied, one MORE thing about Who We Are--Sam doesn't take the bad deal Hess offers him (to help with Lucifer)! Once upon a time, I believe that Sam would have been so scared that he'd take the deal with the snake, masking his fear and foolishness as pragmatism. But he knows his own worth now. He knows he doesn't need the BMOL, terrified as he is.

- Finally, it was sad to say goodbye to Crowley in the finale, but it was a worthy end. You'll be missed, Fergus MacLeod.