#that feels too capitalist to me
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me posting at 5am: i hope others will see this <3
#SRRY I DONT HAVE THE PATIENCE TO WAIT#that feels too capitalist to me#...maybe im insane tho#...maybe...#i need...#patantenience.....#*mediates*#🐢#ummmrghhhhhh#turnsinto a leaf#🌸🌸🌸 ��#cherry bosum...#....#hairy
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do you think jenna marbles knows how appreciated and irreplaceable her presence on youtube was? does she know that she mastered the craft of making a video feel like hanging out with a treasured friend? do you think she knows that she was one of the last youtubers to feel genuine in her craft, making videos for the fun of it rather than making everything polished, elaborate, and distanced? does she know that even four years later we still miss her? does she know that an era of the internet ended when she left? i hope she knows we saw her. i hope she's having a great time.
#i have yet to find someone who can make me feel how her videos made me feel#its not even anything particularly intense#its just a feeling of comfort#her videos felt like company#they still do even four years later#and this isnt me saying i dont get why she left or that i want her to come back#(in a very self serving way i do miss her)#(but for the most part i just hope she's having fun)#everything else feels so....capitalist in a way thats hard to pinpoint#and its not like i have no youtubers i like i have many many many#but none of them really fill the spot that she left#its all a little too clean#a little tooooo professional#that one day film/edit/upload just had such a vibe#her videos feel like old home tapes#sigh i miss her#jenna marbles#oh shush#youtube#youtubers
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#bbc robin hood#it’s funny bc allan is the least woke of all of them#capitalist dog would be better#robin being a terrible deadbeat dad to will is so important to me#he steals will away like the fairy queen & just generally gives will a terrible time. but will actually loves it. and is having so much fun+#being made Other. and then his actual dad dies and robin almost kills WILL for it#but that’s a whole other post#i just think it’s really funny how much robin sucks. like i love him he’s my favourite character but he’s SO ANNOYING.#weirdo absent parent who also way too invested in your life. you know#feeling like i’m knocking on the door of a decrepit old building to ask if i can have a bonfire in my garden. helloooo
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i have finished my homework... now i need to eat dinner... (i am normal and healthy and GOOD!)
#melonposting#i feel so bad. there's so much stuff my dad wants me to do#so much logistical stuff#but that's the sort of thing i feel the most helpless about so i put it off the most#and i'll always prioritize homework way over that. so i haven't done any of it#it's sort of silly to say but the annoying thing is that he's only as overbearing as he is because he loves me so much#and wants to set me up on a good path forward#and honestly i'm just making it hard for him to help me with that :P#so i can't be mad at him for it (not like i was planning on it). cuz at the end of the day i know he's right about everything#and he is! he really is#but at the same time. uh. i know 100% that i could grow up to be exactly like him#in good ways and in bad ways#like that's definitely a potential future to me#and in some ways that scares me?#he's learned how to game the capitalist system somewhat but only because he's had to#i mean he's had a family of seven to uphold almost entirely on his own#so he works two jobs and knows how to plan things really well. he's down pat on logistics. all that adulty stuff#but that's sort of the life i fear i'll have to live y'know?#and he's stressed all the time too. of course#i'm worried that if i do succeed it'll just be that constantly nerve-wracking 9 to 5 nonsense#sorry i don't know why i'm talking about my dad. i feel like i talk about him a lot#he's a great guy and i love him very much <3 and he loves me <3#but he stresses me out cuz he reminds me of the adult i'll have to be someday...
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pmd fandom thing i really dont understand: what is with all the vitriol people have for the guild…. like, even if i think chatot’s hate is overblown and overlooks brine cane, i at least understand why people find him irritating considering he literally deprives hero/partner of dinner one time and he refuses to hear them out often. but like. the fuck did chimecho do.
#‘’oh well its the money thing’’ yeah and we live in a capitalist society irl too at least this one is funny /silly#jokes aside it feels like ppl refuse to engage with these characters. which is weird considering theyre the heart of the game?#like its a community of pokemon that support h/p along their journey and they band together when one of their own is threatened#like yeah that bit where chatot apparently doesnt want pokemon to leave is weird. but is that one bit seriously worth writing off the guild?#idk like theyre not my faves or anything but its strange to me how much disdain fans seem to have for it#like. to the point where people are more eager to see bidoof as an asshole who caused an apocalypse#rather than someone who actually saved the world because his wish turned hero into a pokemon#saving their life#like why is the first thought that hes so clumsy that he almost fucked the entire world over. did you actually play the episode.#echoed voice
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Thought I wanted to sleep, alas I just needed more "lay in bed time" but after that then what???
#sunnie thoughts#capitalistic tendencies still have me feeling like i “need” to do something when my partner isnt home#its a bit too chilly for a while/outside time yet#but im feeling angsty already so maybe i should try to nap a bit???
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Giving a bombastic side eye to Aardman's website every time they tell updates about the upcoming Chicken Run: Eggstraction mobile game
Because on one hand I'm excited because YAY MORE CHICKEN RUN CONTENT, esp since they had Nick Park as a consultant and mentioned that the game is gonna expand on the Chicken Run universe's world. And its gonna be inspired by the good old PS1 Chicken Run game!!
But at the same time it's apparently set directly after the events of Chicken Run 2. And as yall may already know, I reaaally disliked how they wrote Mrs Tweedy in the sequel (I LOVE HER cuntiness and how she is so prideful about her wealth LOL slay queen. but they really flanderized and simplified her character compared to the original movie, and turned her super onedimensional. Plus they clearly had never even opened the Chicken Pies For The Soul sidebook, which tells her backstory and expands on her broken psyche)
So I'm gonna assume they're gonna keep going with Sequel Melisha, and I'm rubbing my temples like GHHHHHHFJDJDJ
I do hope Mrs Tweedy will appear in the game, but I feel like in the worst case scenario it's gonna be lowpoly cgi Sequel Melisha spewing cheesy villain one liners like "well well what do we have here" or some shit LOL
I will of course check the game out when it arrives!! Especially since it seems like it's gonna have some sort of character customization, and I'm like HELL YEAH ive always wanted to be a chicken war criminal

#Chicken run#I hope Dr Fry will be there too. You CANT just design a banger character like that and then do nothing with him LOL#I can imagine him as a N Brio esque sideboss#But i have a nagging feeling theyre gonna go with 'Melisha divorces him for Reginald' since the game assets have Sir Eat A Lot trucks#Whatever the rancid capitalist gang will still be a thing in my stuff. If Fry wont appear imma hc he is in the lab chilling the whole time#While hell appears outside and Melisha and Reggie are being pummeled by chickens LMFAO#Also i hope we get to interact with Fowler#Actually yknow what. Just make the game into a Chicken Run dating sim. Trust me Aardman youll make millions
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vent post sorry so sorry i'm having a Bad Time
psyched myself up to buy a new bed but when i announced my plans for the weekend my sibling's like 'are you sure you wanna buy a new bed?' like damn killed the hype immediately. i don't wanna buy a bed i don't wanna go anywhere i'll just keep using the bed that we all cycled through growing up that hasn't been replaced in a decade+ with no bedframe and only one sheet that fits.
"are you sure you want-" I need a new bed. This isn't a matter of wanting. i don't want to think about where to get the best deals or which store has a delivery service or the logistics of hauling that thing into my room or where to get rid of the old one i'm sick of sleeping on a mattress on the floor. don't make this ordeal more complicated than it has to be.
#i'm having a really bad day mentally and when it's this bad i have trouble doing anything because it's all too complicated#even going to the bathroom is too much so i just wont. and as the day goes on i start feeling gross and uncomfortable and hungry#but if i use the bathroom i'll be dirty so i'll have to take a shower and showering is a whole other thing so i'll just not eat or drink so#i don't have to go any more badly than i already do#it's not good and i hate it and this is somehow my fault??? fuck off why don't i crawl into a ditch so you don't have to see it#i skipped work today and i couldn't even go downstairs to get my work phone to inform my boss. even though i have enough time off saved up#it's still a tardy because i didn't report in so i'll get written up#they should fire me. i hate that place.#none of the part time jobs i've applied for have replied#i can't get another job if i lose this one#i cant tell if i'm fr mentally ill or if it's just a product of living in pandemic-genocide-capitalist-global warming times. among others.#not that any of that directly affects me because it's all just me overthinking things and blowing it out of proportion and ruining myself#i'm sorry i cant help#myself or others#talking tag
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i love being gen z in corporate (behated) because someone will say "when i had my first job, way back in '99" and I'd reply with "oh i was born in '99" and then everyone will go silent and have an existential crisis LMAO
#i actually love being the youngest person in the room getting all the attention and getting babied LMAO#so the thing about the company that everyone who's in a leadership position now is someone who started their careers with this company#so like there are people who have been here since like late 90's when the org was like 1k people to now growing the org to like 200k+#so like there were people on that table who have been with the org from even before i was born 😭#so there was like a farewell party for someone who was with this company for the past 17 years#and naturally since its a party that too in london everyone was getting SLOSHED lmaoooo#and this seniormost person is always so concerned whenever someone gets me a drink LMAO like typical dad behaviour it was so funny#scolding my skip level boss for getting me more drinks sksksksksk#idk man there's so much cognitive dissonance because at one hand i know these people at these tables are sometimes corporate evils#well not evils but yeah their decisions are sometimes so out of pocket#but then when you interact with them in person they seem so nice and warm and make you feel like they genuinely care for you????#and i know in thr capitalist world im v much replaceable and no one cares#but like even that feeling makes me feel like we're getting more individualistic#because i know and i could see everyone in that farewell party being so senti and emotional its not even a joke#but you know credit where it's due even though i have to work like hell my manager has given me virtually all the support that he can#and after meeting the people in his reporting hierarchy i could see he could only support me because he was enabled to do that#because in a lot of places managers want to help but can't because of the organisation????? so yeah#idk why im getting so emotional about my job i feel like im a simp for my job/company HAHAHAHA#vi.txt#london is getting to me sksksks#i kinda wanna ask if there's anyone around who would like to meet up maybe???????idk
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brain too fucking full. too many things to do -finish backing up oc posts -2024 note writing clean up -tge minor draft -draw proper rini icons -3yr cycle reivery art piece before the year is over -new art book to study -read som4 -play an hour of resonance of fate a day so i can play dark souls soon -started playing outer wilds too bc i am stupid -(still have to finish neon white) -finish out sketchbook pls we have to move on -japanese -start italian -dont forget to exercise or u will die again -dont forget to eat
#THE DAY ONLY HAS SO MANY HOURS#and this is me on technically unlimited time. inbefore job search and new capitalist grind befalls me soon enough#due to the spectre of paying back student loans next year#like im so glad i had this year to focus on recovery but it feels like i didnt get to do anything or heal and move on#i spent so much time unable to do things and getting better#it feels like i need another whole ass year to piss away and just catch up on being alive and a person who can do things#to truly get better and become able 2 be reintegrated into society. alas student loans#i rly have to call them and confirm a few things h...#elia txts#there is more too. i am forgetting things i know i am....#OH RIGHT FUCK i was drawing things for the weebly page too#also start reading fmfy#also i promised myself id learn to play bass if my hand ever recovered#genuinely how does anybody live. this shit is not sustainable i am literally buckling under the weight of my hobbies alone lol
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wish people didn't view funko pops as cringe bc i literally have so many i want to get rid of and sell T^T i need these things GONE i don't want them
#when i was younger i liked them and wanted to start a collection and bought a few#and then everyone around me latched on and gave me just tons and tons for every holiday#plenty weren't even of media i was into they'd just give it to me bc i “liked funko pops”#so now i've got a 2-3 hundred dollars worth of funko pops i don't want T^T#unityrain.txt#like on one i don't like the whole consemerist/capitalist culture funko pop collecting supports#but on the other hand i wish other people didn't feel that way too bc i need these GONE#funko pop#funko pops
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I've actually been scrounging for an ending to Ellenville, because it's hard to actually 'end' a tragedy with something that feels complete, and that last post hit me with yeah, that's right. Because we live in a world where blood is protection and the cost of safety; and it fits in so neatly with the themes of death as stasis and longevity.
The 'end' is the regulations in place. Not even watching it happen, but success. This is The Pushcart War but epic fantasy.
#ellenville#ptxt#Jean Merrill is up there with Jean Craighead George for the imprinting I did on Pushcart War and Toothpaste Millionaire.#Which is ironic as FUCK because my curriculum definitely wanted me to take away 'You can be entrepreneurial too! Which is killing big truck#And undercutting big toothpaste business by packing yours in sterilized baby jars!' when I actually took away what Merrill#wanted which was: 'Hey isn't it fucked up that large companies think they can push you around and we need a capitalist underdog#success story to feel happy about our lives and role in the ongoing oligarchy of capitalism?'#Homeschooling with sonlight was fucking wild. I read so many good books as a kid and credit it to the fact I grew up with empathy#But it also meant I grew up with States Rights narratives and libertarian propaganda I had to unlearn.#Total aside because this is a tag essay anyway and I don't want to make a new post: I found out my advisor was also homeschooled#Which is probably why we're the exact same person I'm just 12 years behind them without the accent. My own brother almost#mistook them for me from behind and he gets pissy about it lol. 'There are two of them now!'#BUT I SWEAR I'M NOT COPYING THEM. WE JUST HAPPEN TO HAVE THE EXACT SAME HISTORICAL INTERESTS AND#SLAVISH DEVOTION TO GEOLOGY THAT TRANSFORMED INTO THE APPLICATIONS OF GEOLOGY AS A SCIENCE.#In my defense they have a much broader and recent focus on geology: usually for the impact of mining/geology on historical events.#Whereas I like the economic and logistical side of things. Like who hated who because they had beef over the same mines Nitrate War style
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controversial opinion of the year is that i dont think barbie was that great bc its message was all over the place and also they didnt realize they had made kens the women in their story so it just seemed bizarrely misogynistic to me
#little anya things#me mid-movie: ahh i see so the kens are women in this lil scenario#the movie: ACTUALLY no we have no idea what we're doing#before u come at me. 1. 'women view each other as competitors not for jobs or accomplishments#but for the attention of men'#2. the general vibe of condescension towards ken's efforts on beach echoing specific condescension of men towards women's interests#that 'oh u pathetic thing u' vibe was so strong#3. ken being shocked that a woman respected him enough to ask him for the time. an event that HAS NEVER happened to him before#he is so touched by the feeling of respect... 4. nobody knows where the kens even live.#miss representation quote abt how 50% of the population is disinterested in the other half.#5. barbie feels instantly objectified in the real world whereas ken instantly feels respected in a way hed never been#6. they dont even have genitals so ken arent actually men and barbies arent actually women bc thats not how things work in their world#listen the first half of that movie i was like. so kens are women here.#then theres the typical revenge narrative where they start the 'patriarchy' that wasnt rly all that creative but fine#but then they got all confusing and barbies are women and kens are just men who have been rightfully oppressed all along?? even tho#theyve been women-coded this whole time. okay#7. kens go back to having no government representation or right to vote and this is sposed to be funny. i guess?#im not mad at the movie for being misandrist bc it wasnt. it was just trying too hard to do too many things#that it ended up just seeming misogynistic to me#not to mention it was doing the bare minimum and is just step one in a huge capitalist ploy to start making a bunch of toy-related movies#im genuinely shocked i havent seen any criticism abt it on tumblr when its such a sloppy film throwing out a confused message#in order to make money and sell dolls. what exactly am i supposed to take away from this.... it just seems so bizarrely hypocritical#for mattel to make a movie where they feature as side-antagonists who essentially learn nothing... just for mattel irl to make more money#off of everything they mentioned in the movie. like. what changed.#also america ferrera's character existed just to give that speech and otherwise she and her daughter were not relevant to the plot at all#it was funny and aesthetic and all but the more i think abt it the more im not all that impressed. idk. am i missing smth#i dont think so. i disagree w most ppl's analysis praising it. idk idk
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I shouldn’t have to go to work every day I should get lots and lots of time to chill and rock in my rocking chair and read good books and ride my bike around town early in the quiet morning and pick sunflowers and bake honey and oat cookies and crochet giant fish for my friends and actually have time to paint and draw like I used to before I grew up and had to work all the goddam time just to have enough money to pay my bills .
#personal#antiwork#I am so tired#also ppl won’t stop emailing and messaging me#I feel bad for taking days or sometimes over a week to respond but like?!!!!? this world moves too fast.#I am so tired of feeling harried and stressed and like I’m a bad person for struggling to keep up with it all#I’m NOT!! it’s NOT a personal failure!! it’s this horrible capitalist system hurtling towards the future at breakneck speed#we have not evolved to keep up with that grind!! nor should we!!! we’re large predators we’re meant to chill out and relax#anyways. I am once again feeling like that pheasant in Bambi iykyk
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this might be dropkicking a hornet’s nest but I don’t think “ah but this art made you experience an Emotion” is actually a useful or clever take on modern (or any) art and kind of maybe misunderstands what it means to say “Art makes you think about/feel things.”
Like. My experience with (visual) art is honestly kind of universal regardless of the emotional or aesthetic veneer and at the risk of outing myself as a phenomenologist, it really is the experience of seeing and the art becoming art in front of you. Rothko’s paintings work in person because it pulls you in and the more you stare at it and really look the more layers you see and the more the medium shows itself to you and it becomes an oil painting and also colors and also canvas and pigment and linseed oil and wax and also an infinite number of things. And this isn’t any different across mediums/styles/movements. Staring at a tramp art box and seeing every knife cut and the faded logos and careful joinery from another life; staring at the old Dutch master portraits and being in a room with someone you can’t stop looking at; jumping at a tromp l’oeil before realizing it’s a painting; seeing a quilt and understanding the neat rows of stitches diving into the batting; gazing up at a giant marble statue and seeing the ancient scaffolding waver and blend into the impossibly smooth curves.
I could fill every empty page in my apartment with similar descriptions but I think it makes the most sense if you’ve ever watched a meteor shower. You have to let your eyes adjust to the darkness and you think every flicker of light is a shooting star until suddenly you can see and something burns across the sky and you realize you’ve seen it and everything prior was something else.
Idk I think a side effect of “getting” art is not being able to see anything without wondering how it got here and who is responsible for it existing and why. “I could make that” is an astronomically annoying way to interact with the world but it’s a step closer to something genuine than “ooo you’re angry and that means it’s working!”
#putting this in the tags for obv reasons but honestly this is why I’m open to ai art#staring at a picture with baffling text and too many fingers and teeth and seeing how the algorithm works is cool#like it works as a medium for me in a particular context and when it’s weird as hell#using it to make yogurt ads feels like a waste but we use all sorts of mediums for cynical capitalist ends#idk I just like art and also got handed phenomenology and existentialism as a 19 year old#so we can’t really be surprised I’m Like This#but if you are wondering how to start liking art (even weird modern art) just stare at it in person#go to a craft fair or find cool digital artists and just 👁️👁️#mine#text post#void screams#art#modern art#ai art discourse#ai art#art discourse
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i think its CRAZY that the majority of results when you look for peoples thoughts on the trainspotting ending monologue is like "wow an inspiring story of a man getting clean and joining society" like to me that is a WILD emotional takeaway from one of the most haunting endings in cinema
#HE IS LITERALLY LISTING CONSUMER ITEMS AS HIS FACE BECOMES MORE DISTORTED BY THE FOCUS THIS IS AN INSPIRING SPEECH TO YOU?#LIKE BRO. THE FUCKING EMPTINESS OF CONSUMERISM. THE EMPTINESS OF CAPITALIST LIFE THAT DRIVES PEOPLE TO ADDICTION. HELLO#LIKE TRADING ONE ADDICTION FOR THE MORE SOCIALLY ACCPETABLE VERSION. THAT IS WHAT HES DESCRIBING#THE AMBIGUITY OF IT ALL. HI??#i think it is like a bittersweet ending in a way. i dont think its entirely cynical. but like to read it as purely inspirational is weird a#idk i feel like fucking. irony and filmic tone just like slides off some peoples brains like a smooth rock#yeah idk why im looking at other ppls thoughts either it makes me miserable too#warlock wartalks
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