#that feeling when you wake up at 4am and dont know where or who you are

[b14rk]

(interrupted) nap time

[felixsramen]

When i saw the part where y/n said that she was an introvert and loves reading i was in tears really i wanna thank this person that she reqested that!

So i wanna ask if you could do maybe a oneshot where y/n has a really down day couldnt sleep and when it was morning she was out for groceries and the members were at work and when they came home they saw y/n lying on the couch sleeping but with a book in their hand and the members realize how much y/n was struggling lately and they do something to help her getting better maybe? If thats okay for you i mean you dont habe to but i would really love that

I really liked this ask. Im sorry it's a little short though.

It was probably about 4am now. You were awake on the giant bed that your boyfriends had decided to buy so you all could sleep together. You were currently in-between Changbin and I.N. It was raining at this point and the rain matched your mood. You couldn't sleep after being stressed from work and getting that promotion that had you working later. Instead you climb out of the bed and make your way to the living room.

It hadn't been even a week of getting that promotion. You go to the blinds and open them all the way. You watch as another flash of lightning brightened the sky. You couldn't help but sit on the couch by the window looking out it.

The rain splattered across the sky and you watch as the leaves and tiny branches from the tree in the front yard come down. You couldn't help but cry. You had been yelled at yesterday by your boss for the stack of papers that she had gave you earlier in the week, when she had given you the promotion, hadn't all been filled out by yesterday.

Luckily she didn't force you to do another day of work and told you she expected it done when you returned. It didn't make you feel any better though knowing this was just the first week. It didn't help that your boyfriends were busy working and getting ready for their comeback. So they were staying late practicing and would come home tired and just ready to eat and rest. It didn't bother you much but you were starting to miss spending time with them.

You were sobbing at this point as the droplets hit your window covering it up. Eventually the tears dried and so did the rain but the clouds were still grey. You had stayed up all night and into the morning.

You hear the door open. The light turns on and you see Seungmin who has bed hair. He yawns and stretches. "What are you doing in here this early?" He asks you in his morning voice.

"Couldn't sleep." You tell him and he makes his way to the couch. He goes up to you and climbs onto the couch cuddling into you. Your hand goes to his hair and he sighs.

"They'll be getting up in a few minutes. I have to get ready for work too." He says yawning again. Your nails go into his hair and scratch his scalp and he sighs with content.

He slowly pulls away from you reluctantly. He goes into the room again probably to get the rest of the boys up. Within 30 minutes the house is full with your 8 boyfriends.

"Fucking hell. It's too early for this." Jisung whines onto Hyunjin who is half asleep but ready to go on the other couch.

Your other 6 boyfriends make their way to the living room. "I really don't want to go. Sometimes I wish I had decided to do literally anything else that doesn't involve me waking up at the ass crack of dawn." Minho grumbles as he grabs the keys.

Chan nods eyes heavy as he takes a sip of his coffee. "I'm so tired." Jisung whines again.

"Lets go. They said they'd let us leave work early and then we'll have a couple days off after." Chan says taking another sip of the coffee he made.

The boys file out of the house waving at you and telling you they love you. Changbin sighs. "We'll be back around 1." He says bag on his shoulder.

"I'd appreciate it if you went shopping today. I left money on the nightstand." Minho says yawning and you nod your head.

"I love you." He says and you return it. He sighs as he closes the door behind him. You let out your own sigh.

You weren't feeling much better. You instead went on your phone scrolling through for the next few hours before you decide to go to the grocery store.

You don't feel good about yourself so you throw on a pair of sweatpants and one of Felixs hoodie, opting on going for a more lazy look. Who cared anyways? It was just the grocery store. You grab the money that sat on the nightstand and you put it in your wallet and grab your purse shoving it inside.

It didn't take you long getting in the car and going to the store. Luckily Minho had made a list of things that you needed to get. You were quick to find them knowing you couldn't stand being out in public at the moment. You checked the list once again making sure you had gotten everything.

Your phone buzzes. "Also me and Bin need protein shakes for working out. Love you and thank you!" A message from Chan reads. You try your best not to make a face at the mention of the protein shakes Chan and Changbin would chug. You sigh but go towards that aisle.

You quickly grab it and check out. You were glad the house wasn't too far. You got home and put the groceries up quickly and it was around noon. You wondered if the boys kept your book out that you had currently been reading or if Minho had put it up with the rest of your books.

You go to the drawer occupying the room and open it finding your book. Luckily the bookmark was in it still. Jisung had a habit of picking your book up wrong and the bookmark falling out of it. You grab the book shutting the drawer. You make your way to the hall closet grabbing an extra blanket from there and making your place on the couch.

You had gotten halfway through the book before your eyes started getting heavy. Not being able to sleep last night must've taken a toll on you because before long your eyes give up on you.

The boys pull up to the house getting out. "Why did we have to be there so long today? I thought we were getting out at 3." He complains as he grabs his bag.

"We would've left around 1 if you spent more time practicing than complaining about doing it." Hyunjin says glaring at his boyfriend.

"It was hard and we were there all dayyyy." Jisung says dragging out his last word.

Minho raises an eyebrow at his boyfriend. "You literally got it in like 20 minutes after you stopped complaining." He says as Chan grabs the keys from his pocket.

"So you're saying it's all my fault?" He says pouting.

"No it's not Ji. You weren't the only one complaining instead of practicing we all were." Changbin says as Chan unlocks the door letting them inside.

"Y/N!!!!" Jisung yells out for you ready to jump on you and smother you with love. Instead he sees you on the couch with a blanket and one of your books laying on you.

He comes up to you and the boys follow behind. Usually you'd be up doing stuff around the house to keep you busy while your boyfriends were gone on your off days.

"She's asleep." Jisung says to his boyfriends.

"We can see that Ji." Hyunjin says to him. Jisung glares at his boyfriend.

"You know what I meant." Jisung says looking back at you.

"I don't think she slept at all last night." Seungmin says speaking up to his boyfriends. They look at him confused.

He sighs. "I got up before you guys and I didn't see her so of course I went looking for her. I saw her looking out the window on the couch. So I went up to her and asked what she was doing up so early. She told me she couldn't sleep." Seungmin says to his boyfriends and they look at you concerned.

"I woke up at one point and noticed she wasn't in bed but I didn't think much of it at the time. I was too tired." Felix says to his boyfriends.

"How long has she been like this?" Changbin asks no one in particular.

"I think we should be concerned Chan." I.N. says and he nods.

"I don't think any of us realized how much she's going through especially with the new promotion." Minho says sighing.

Chan nods once again. Minho grabs the book and places the book mark in it. He sighs watching you.

"Should we wake her?" Hyunjin asks his boyfriends. Chan shakes his head.

"Not yet." Minho says agreeing with Chan.

"We should at least take her to the room." Felix says and they nod. Changbin scoops you up into his arms careful to not wake you up taking you in the room and laying you down.

Jisung and I.N. climb in bed too pressing their bodies against you. You cuddle into I.N.s chest who stays still. "Since we have the next few days off I think we should come up with days we each try and spend with her." Chan says and the boys agree.

"Me, Hyunjin, and Innie were going to go to the new little coffee shop tomorrow. We were planning on inviting her too." Seungmin says replying to his boyfriend.

"Okay good. For the next few days we're off let's all invite her to go with us wherever we go." Changbin says watching you.

You slowly open your eyes to being cuddled behind and in front of you. "Hey love. How'd you sleep?" Jisung asks from behind you.

"Better." You say sighing and rubbing your eyes. You try to sit up but I.N. and Jisung keep you in place.

"Did you sleep last night?" Changbin asks you concerned. They finally let you go so you can look at your other boyfriends. They all have concerned looks on their faces as you sigh.

"No." You say admitting it and Chan comes up beside I.N. and sits on the edge of the bed.

"Are you guys upset at me?" You ask them. You quickly get all 8 boys shaking their heads.

"Not at all we're just worried about you that's it." Minho tells you and you want to break into tears at their words.

You can't help but bite your lip to try and stop the tears. Chan sighs seeing you do that with a sad smile on his face. "What did I tell you about that?" He says hand coming to your face tugging your lip from your teeth.

That does it and you burst into tears. All of the boys quickly try and comfort you by hugging you. "It's okay love." You hear Seungmin say and that causes you to cry harder. "I missed you guys." You sob into their arms and they feel guilty about not being able to spend as much time with you.

When your tears finally stop the boys pull away but Felix doesn't. "You have to take care of yourself. Okay? No matter how much you miss us. You have to promise us that okay?" Felix says holding a pinky promise and you can't help but smile at the childish gesture. You take his pinky finger in yours too.

"I promise." You say and he kisses your hand.

"HUG PILE!!!" Jisung shouts and he throws himself on you followed by the rest of your boyfriends.

"You're squishing me!" You manage to say while laughing.

"Yeah. With our love." Hyunjin says making you laugh harder.

The boys pull away not before each kissing you on the lips. "We all love you no matter how busy we get. Remember that." Hyunjin says planting another kiss on your lips.

You were grateful to have all of your 8 boyfriends love for you and each other.

[hinamie]

How the fuck do you draw so fast?? From chapter that dropped today?? And Yuuji is like. The final boss of characters to draw omg (I love it, I love your style so much ughhhhh)

cries ghjgj thank u :'>> ive gotten this question quite a bit lately so let me clear some things up as 2 how i am become speed pls do not attempt at home:

probably the overarching reason, i am currently between jobs so i have a lot of time on my hands

itafushi hyperfixation has taken over my entire brain it feels like i will rot if i don't draw them every waking hour. with where the manga/canon is ive been So motivated and inspired i that i genuinely dont know what to do with myself and all i can do to combat it is draw More. i wish i was exaggerating when i say it feels like a physical need it is a compulsion it is an incessant ITCH. i cannot stress enough the Need i feel to draw fr this series

also bc of where the manga is i feel like the fandom is very active so all the engagement puts coins into the content machine that is me n fans the flames bc i want to Participate i want to Share!!!!! maybe its a fomo thing maybe im a slave to the numbers probably both 2 a degree but above all im having fun sharing what i make with a community who likes the same thing i do <3

when im in the zone with a piece and hatsune miku is serenading me sweet computer sounds and everything is going Right i forget to take breaks eat stand up etc so i end up starting and finishing a draws in a single 6 hour session before remembering i have a body

sleep schedule is FUCKED fr when leaks dropped last night (around 7:30pm fr me) i saw The Yuuji Panel of all time and started the morning glory piece then and there; took no breaks and did not finish until after midnight. then i still had more in me and wanted a head start on baby yuuji panel redraws so i did sketches/lines/flats real quick and went to bed at 4am slept fr 4 hours woke up ate n back to work DO NOT DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

also since april i've been on a creative high that's only seemed to go up which is unprecedented but i Have been drawing nearly every day because of it so whatever the opposite of rusty is I'm that. ive had so much daily practice tht the speed came as a side effect fshjgf

[onmymasa22]

מה רציתי להגיד.

הייתי ממש רגישה נראה לי אתמול פשוט מזה שאמרת שזה משו שכולם עושים נכנסתי לסוג של שוק, ולהיות 100 אחוז כנה, שאר השיחה פשוט נסיתי להחזיק את עצמי לא לבכות. שזה קשור אלי.

אבל עכשיו אקלתי את מה שאמרת, כן התחלתי עם זה, ��ן החומר מעניין אותי מהמקום ש

הייתי במקום אומרת ופונה לכל הכיתה "כל כמה שנים, מישהי עושה קורי אכביש עם דבק חם"

הייתי אומרת

"מאיפה באת עם החומר הזה. כי קורה שסטודנתים בונים קורי אכביש מדבק אבל

, יש ימים שאנשים אומרים לי דברים ואני יכולה לקחת את זה מעוד בטוב. ביום הזה קצת הייתי בשוק מ

My dream

An art degree

A trauma informed yoga instructor

Emt

Work with old people with mental health issues

I want to work with old people being an emt

I want to

Start doing yoga. Do trauma informed yoga.

Start doing yoga

See if i like it

If i like it i can do it im the summer

Pronouns: likes/ pizza

I met someone that to talk to them is just a soft place to land. I just want to be a soft spot for him. His eyes are just magical.

Can i just say this without sounding weird. I like how we hugged long enough for me beathe out. Because to me thats a safeness feeling. The scrunch of my nose after because i cant do the eye contact from so close. I really can just look in his eyes for a while. I want a picture of his eyes. I want dreams about his eyes.

And if you call at 4am, too sad to even say hello, i will listen to your silence until you fall asleep

Waiting to be "ready" will crush dreams and rob the world of your creative power

Do it now. Do it wrong. Then do it again. Better.

And he found himself questioning if the reason she loved the rain so much was because she didn't want to cry alone

Hey, you could always be addicted to cocaine

Youre not hehind in life. Theres no timetable that we all must follow. Its made up. 7 billion ppl camt do everything in the same order. Whats early? Whats late? Compaired to who? Dont beat yourself up for where you are. Its YOUR schedule and everything is right on time.

When you finally learn that a persons behavior has more to do with their own internal struggle than it ever had to do with you, you learn grace

She wore flowers in her hair and carried magic secrets in her eyes. She spoke to noone. Sje spent hours on the riverbank. She smoked cigarettes and had midnight swims.

I was never addicted to one thing, i was addicted to filling a void within myself with things other than my own love

Womanhood is about wearing a big coat and saying fuck this

One day you will wake up refreshed, drink coffee and be able to read a book the same way you did

Thats how old souls are made. By how many sunsets theyve seen, hugs theyve given, hearts theyve healed, and people theyve loved. Juansen dizon

Patiently the night waits for the moon and loves whatever face she happems to show. Yeah, i love you kind of like that.

I hope you live louder. I hope you laugh more. I hope you sing at the top of your lungs. I hope you drive with the windows down and let the wind rustle through your hair. I hope you hug. I hope you kiss. I hope you surround yourself with people who make you feel alive.

30.11.24

U know what i want

I want a picture of my future husband

I want to know if my life worked out

If i found my movie like lovestory with someone better than my wildest dreams

I want to know if my funeral will have lots of people

Whether people who neber liked me will lie and say we were friends

I want to know if my parents will be proud of me

I want to know if ill travel to different countries, see black sand beaches and pink sand beaches

If ill let being self concious keep me from doing things

If ill make a difference in the world

If i mattered

If whether my grate grandchildren will be decent people

I want to know how i will die and at what stage.

If ill be happy with the way my life turned out

I want a picture of my life twenty years from now

How wrinkly my face will get

Really i wish someone could give a percentage of how much i did versus how much i let being self conscious stop me from things i should have been able to do. Not about stuff like climbing a mountain, but more like being a wacko or saying something to make someone laugh, to make someone feel included, to make someone feel good about themselves

I kind of want to talk about my relationship with gd. What trauma does do my relationship with gd and the ppl around me. That the biggest thing i can talk about

I also have a need for trees. For gan eden. To create a happy place for me and other people. To get a version of perfect, the perfect day, perfect weather, perfect look. Its a weird feeling- perfect. Im someone who can love sitting outside on a friday drinking coffee, but after ten minutes there im done. I can want to go to tge kotel or the beach and after like ten minutes ditting there, i want to leave cuz i dont know what to do with the feeling after the initial happiness settles.

My life is pulled between who i am in chicago and who i am here and being an adult but being a kid and being religious and being part of the whole world and being girly and being wild and the combination of a lot of things is me. Talking about torah but also talking about drugs. Im the product of loys of different cultures but i dont think i fit but with ppl who are also searching. My dad really connects to the 70s style and my mom connects to college in the 80s in new york and i was born in the late 70s.

I feel like like the pulling is from opposing stuff within me. Spiritual and material, life and death.

[navire190413]

okay so i know why x-chan is so weird about me. i've been avoiding it because its honestly out of my hands now. he texted me good morning yesterday and we chatted all day long and made plans for this weekend. around 7, i was at the bar and he stopped responding so i figured he fell asleep after getting home from work. wake up this morning and text him good morning and no response. i only get a response around 12 when i ask if he wants to go to a park tonight to play pokemon go. he says he wants to be alone so i ask if he's okay and if something happened that's making him not want to respond.

before i proceed. there's a lot of backstory. right before we broke up i was already in the middle of spiraling because things had been bad between us for awhile at that point, my ocd was at an all time worst. i also got diagnosed with depression on top of it. i was sleeping 20 hours a day. and just fighting with x-chan whenever we did manage to speak. whenever i was awake i was engaging in pretty bad compulsions because i was so anxious about our relationship so it was either a) sleep or b) drink. so i was drinking heavily and started to engage in p unsafe behavior because i wanted to not deal with my ocd and depression anymore. also i had so much self hatred i was basically self harming myself on purpose. this obviously didnt help the fact me and him were already in unsteady waters, and made things way worse. so we broke up.

i kind of just kept self sabotaging from that point on. not going to class, spending like $100 on booze every single night, drinking from 7pm-4am almost every night. it was bad, i am still kind of feeling the effects of it. i had a lot of scary stuff happen to me at that time.

i was so drunk returning home at 6AM one morning that i collapsed a block away from my place (i think. i dont remember), and some random guy literally carried me (i am 178cm and 65kg, not an easy task), all the way to my house with me drunkenly pointing where to go, while he was asking if i was okay the entire time. i remember this much. he brought me to my place and let me open the door with my key while he was still holding me and gently placed me in the entryway and told me to be more careful and shut the door and left. this was extremely dangerous, but thank you to that kind stranger. i woke up the next day with bruises over my entire body and my purse was empty. i dropped my wallet, phone, camera, and airpods in the process. i have an airtag in my wallet and can track my airpods and phone .i woke up 2 hours after getting home and tracked all of my stuff to a nearby police station. the guy who carried me home must have went back and collected everything i dropped and turned it all in for me. i was so hungover filling out those forms at the police station.

i had another instance a few weeks after that where i was drinking at the bar at 5am, drunkenly got into a fight with some younger guy, and he stole my phone. he returned it the next evening and apologized saying he didnt remember anything.

my drinking and behaviour was so bad i had a few friends threaten to cut off our relationship if i continued down that path. luckily i've turned things around a bit since i started my job. i drink everyday but only 2-3 cans and go to the bar mostly only on weekends, and i always catch the last train. im going to a shrine on saturday to pray for support to stop drinking, then gonna actually do my best not to drink on weeknights anymore starting next week. im determined. i used to wake up at 4am everyday to study for 2 hours before going to work. i really want to get to that lifestyle again.

anyway, that's the backstory of where my head was at. the bad thing i did which is why me and x-chan can't get back together, during my self-destruction phase is... about a month after me and x-chan broke up i was drunk walking through ikebukuro station and got nampa'ed. and the guy was cute enough so i said "fuck it", first time for everything. we went and ate ice cream together and then went to a hotel together. okaaaaaaaaaay i slept with a random guy who hit on me in a fucking train station. i've never had a one night stand before this. i dont think its that big of a deal if it was the very first time and will probably be the last. we used protection and i got tested a week later then a month later just to be safe.

the first time me and x-chan reconnected again, we were drunk and he asked if i'd had any guys approach me since we broke up. there were a few innocent invites to dates and stuff which i told him about. but i also told him about going to the hotel with the guy (i cant keep a secret to save my life. so i told him.). and he was piiiissssed. not even jealous, just pissed that he dated someone like me, a woman with 0 value, who can sleep with anyone at any time. he said in that instance he regretted our entire relationship because he thought he knew me but was wrong. but then he invited me back to his place to hook up immediately after this so i dont get it haha. we were friends with benefits for a few weeks and really lovey dovey before he realized he wanted to love me more before he could hook up with me anymore. and thats kind of why we're at where we're at now.

so that's why we're re-building our trust now. so i can prove im not actually a slut who just sleeps with anyone. which is why i dont hangout with my guy friends right now either.

the reason he stopped messaging me yesterday is because he randomly remembered that i had sex with that guy, and it made him realize he cant trust anyone at all so he didnt speak to anyone at all last night or today and isnt planning to for awhile. i asked if i should cancel our date reservation tomorrow, but he said he'll go. he just wants to be alone today. i wonder if he's going to end everything tomorrow or if it'll just go back to how it was before today and yesterday. i have no idea anymore. i know i need to stop. this shit is so stressful. the urge to ask him why he’s pissed i get bitches is strong. but his english isnt good enough to understand that, nor would he find it funny.

i had the worst 6 months of my life and fell into a dark place. i mean its life and it happens to people sometimes, especially when you have ocd and addictive tendencies. but i had multiple people i love tell me im a weak woman with no value anymore because of those 2 months of me self-sabotaging myself. so im living as straight as i can now while still kind of reeling from everything and trying to prove to people that those 2 months dont define me. after i got my work visa and passed n1, everyone told me how amazing i am and not a lot of people can do this, etc. so maybe it changed some peoples' opinion on me. like hey, im not an entire piece of shit. i can still achieve things. im still trying relatively hard. im still studying every single day despite drinking lemon sours while doing so and taking breaks to chain smoke haha.

in other news i found my dream apartment. no idea if they accept foreigners or not, but i want to live there soooo bad. its a good price, and the biggest apartment i've seen at that price, and a 4 minute walk from Ikebukuro station. its a corner apartment so every wall has windows, and a big balcony, and CLOSETS. which is so rare. and the inside is just absolutely beautiful with a bunch of hardwood everywhere. i want it soooooooooo bad.

Im going to the realtor company on sunday to possibly go see it. they're going to check with the owner to see if americans are allowed to apply or not before i go, so if its not okay they have time to prepare some other apartments to show me.

why are people so obsessed with shibuya scramble? i have to cross it everyday and theres always like 50 people with cameras recording it. its just…. a crowd of people crossing the street 😭

an hour after posting this he called me to tell me hes excited for our date tomorrow. so maybe hes getting over it!

[yourl0cal1ncorporealb3ing]

TW VENT AT SOME PARTS

(ALSO NONE OF THIS PROOF READ SO IT MAY NOT BE LEGIABLE I just wroet this and i already forgot half the stuff i wrote)

y'know the mix of horrid chronic fatigue and insatiable numbness and the dissociation just makes me feel like I missing out on life, I yearn to go outside, to go play, to have fun, just run around but I cant. I sit in my room on tumblr or youtube wasting the day away wishing I did something more productive. I feel like a husk of person I feel like Im in a movie theater alone watching the most boring movie ive ever seen, I feel lonely while also being too socially drained to watch and respond the the video my friend sent me. Not to mention when my parents used to fight, my moms road rage/anger issues, it caused me to fucking terrifed of conflict so sometimes I minimize my needs when around other people and constantly asking about things and if im doing it right but also worrying if im annoying them with all my questions because my grandma has gotton mad at me for that before i think either that or it was me asking why she loved my cousin more than me because she yelled and fought with my dad because i wouldnt give my cousin my fukcing chicken nuggets my dad bought for me like fuck you i mean im sorry grandma

The anxiety and hyperactivity of my ADHD spikes up at night so either i got to sleep and wake up in 13 hours or I can stay up till 4am, go to sleep and wake 13 hours (Just feeling a lot worse). Im literally shaking as I write this and i can tell if im just so fucking restless even if im fucking tired (its 3:38am) or anxiety or the entire kiwi strawberry monster I just drank Its ok im drinking water a lot of it i just need to get my thoughts out of my head because its like a thousond of the dvd bouncing tv screen in my head rn idk if its getting better idk if im gonna post this too maybe idk any ways im shaking oh btw i might have non-diabetic hypoglycemia and i have to get a bunch shots next week and I really hate the doctors it always makes me really scared and uncomfy n shit and idk why damn im shaking a lot. I almost freaked out bc i cant find my charger and my tablet almost died but i have another one ive been using so i just used that but i want to know where my charger went :(

istg ive been eating fucking pasta for the lat 3 weeks and i hate it i hate it i hate it HATE it every. fucking. meal. I cant. I have comfort foods I like and its mostly carby food like pasta so i eat pasta alot but since our oven stopped workin its all i know i can make that easy and i laike it but i secretly dread it so i have been eating a lot of candy to keep my brain happy but im not i should be happy ive been hanging with my frinds and its summr break but im just numb, i always am, yk the year I just finished? yeah for the majority of the i was fighting autopilot mode and disassociation but i was constantly in it i dont think i cant handle going to high school this year i think i might act pass out from exhaustion I barely survived middle school Im not okay i need something meds? idk I should not be this messed up i mean my family is great (yk...apart from the fighting which isnt that common anymore and moms anger issues) but theu love me so whats the problem? school school why is it so unoccomidating to neurodivergents same with ppl with social anxiety like i have had MULTIPLE bad panic attcks in class cause i had to do smthin in front of the class I fukcing hate the school system fuckfukcufkyoiuu school fuck the emercian school system FUCKYOUUUUUUUUU

Im too conflict avoident I cant

the afternoon feels so tiring in a stuffy way if that maks and sense i need to treat my FUCKING adhd already i can have music playing at all times thats not a good long term strategy to shut up my brain i mean ffuck i have music on rn and you can see my insane ramblings

anyyways I kinda think im a daave fiction kin (like DSAF) but im 90% sure im just and otherlinker and I just want to feel speacial or some shit but whos know i have the worst imposter syndrome known to man (I have almost every symptom of Cfs and my friend has asked if i have it but nahhh i defs dont) but also i had a weird experience once. I was like listen (its getting hard to type with the shakiness :0) ing to 2 dave and henry playlists and i kept listening to the henry one and I was in the car and i was falling and out of sleep when i saw like flash of dave but it didnt look like cannon dave he looked different he was mush more blue and he was leaning against a wall with messy longish hair and he had a hat and scars all over him and he had a purple buttoned shit that was fulled buttoned up and the perspective i saw was like a photo someone had taken and he seemed just chilling perhaps talking to jack? idfk but yeah theres my weird experience like the best way i can explain this feeling towards dave is "Idkk if i was you but probably mightve at some point like most likely at some point"

i hope i sound legiable (if i do post this AND someone actually reads this all) it is 4:08am and I feel too many things once i probably will sleep at 5 or 6 anyways byebye

[im-not-a-simp-i-swear]

Had this scenario stuck in my head for a while: when MC is first summoned into devildom, they are in their pijamas and holding a blanket. They listen to Diavolo but at some point their like “Yeah this is cool and all, but did it have to happen at 4 IN THE FLIPPING MORNING?? This isn’t cool man I have an exam in the morning!”

Really curious to see the brothers reactions 😆

IM SO SORRY FOR TAKING SO LONG FOR YOU😭😭 HERE IT FINALLY IS

TOO EARLY AND TOO BUSY

💙LUCIFER

- oops... they really took into consideration your daily lifestyle, nor the part where humans arent fans of waking up early

- unfortunately you are stuck here

- "well either way you're staying here MC, we're sorry but you're exam will have to wait"

- cant help but feel a bit bad for your education in the human world, you'll definetely be in trouble with that once the year passes by, however he'll try his best to see what he can do to fix that problem

💛MAMMON

- you've been venting him about this for the last 3 hours MC please if you're so tired just go to sleep

- he also cant understand at the start why you're upset about missing that exam, shouldnt that be a good thing? You dont have to present it anymore

- with time he figures out why you were so annoyed when you first came here, if you pay for your education then of course you'll be pissed for missing that exam and A WHOLE YEAR, THAT IS SO MUCH MONEY IN THE TRASH

- the best that can be done now is to just deal with it however, its not like you can go back right now

🧡LEVIATHAN

- "lmao"

- yeah he wont really care that much, he'll try to mane thw situation look better by saying you wont have to present that exam but still fails to cheer you up

- will invite you to play games if it'll distract/help you

- as for the waking up time then he'll just say it happens and that you'll most likely have to get used to it, for what exactly is up to your imagination

💚SATAN

- he can see where your anger comes from, afterall education is important and who knows just how hard you studied

- the 4am thing, while reminding him more of a thing belphie would complain about, is also a reasonable thing for you to feel annoyed at

- he has studied alot about how humans live and so he really understand, unfortunately not much can be done about it

- he will try to make thing feel better by lending you books or deciding to talk about what the exam was about in case you get the chance to solve this issue once back to the human realm

💖ASMODEUS

- gasps at the part of waking up at 4 am

- "that is such a terrible time to wake up MC you are totally correct! In order to look beautiful and healthy you need to sleep for at least 6 to 8 hours, they threw out your entire schedule!"

- will offer either a product or a place to treat those terrible eyebags you could've gotten, as for the exam however, he'll also say that can cause stress which is also bad for your body

- will gladly make you happy however if you wanna however

❤BEELZEBUB

- the time issue reminds him alot of his twin brother, however considering these times it really doesnt feel right to talk to you about it yet to you

- tries to cheer you up with that by doing whatever wouls cheer his brother up, however if by then you are telling him this after opening up some of your favorites things to do then he'll also offer to do that

- as for the exam part... another mind that isnt sure how to help, you really are alone on that part buddy

💜BELPHEGOR

- when you told him about this moment he actually laughed a bit, the scenario is just funny to him, with you in your pjs and everthing

- however he still can see why you'd be annoyed by that, afterall sleeping is important, and for the avatar or sloth? It might just be a crime

- if by then youtwo have fixed your issues with eachother then he'll offer to fix the situation by sleeping more often with him

- the exam part? He be asleep by when you bring that up or would just say that exams tire him and then would change the subject or fall asleep there and then

[userholland]

73 questions tag (2022 edition)

hi all ! so, i found this tag a few days ago and i did it back in 2020 so i thought it would be fun to bring it back (while also tagging some new people). sending love and hugs! <3

on a scale of 1-10, how excited are you about life right now? i think at least a 8. i'm almost done with college, it's close to my bday and im more optimistic these days.

describe yourself in a hashtag? #shesthatgirl

if you could do a love scene with anyone, who would it be? jake gyllenhaal what

if your life was a musical, what would the marquee say? "who's that girl? it's liz!"

what’s one thing people don’t know about you? still not a lot lmao

what’s your wake up ritual? read for fifteen minutes, get up and move my body, drink a glass of water and journal.

what’s your go to bed ritual? working out, usually stretching and i literally either go to bed at 11pm or 4am depends on the study sessions and writing that day. 

what’s your favorite time of day? midnight or dawn!

your go to for having a good laugh? kpop try not to laugh videos/variety shows

dream country to visit? london or zurich

what’s the biggest surprise you’ve ever had? knowing that i have the capability of making friends when i feel socially awkward. i know its not a single surprise but i think quarantine really made me think that i have no friends and dont know how to be a functional human.

heels or flats/sneakers? sneakers!!!

vintage or new? new.

who do you want to write your obituary? my partner <3

style icon? jeon jungkook

what are three things you cannot live without? my laptop, my phone and journal

what’s one ingredient you put in everything? butter tbh

what 3 people living or dead would you want to make dinner for? princess diana, audrey hepburn and michelle yeoh. its a ladies night y'all

what’s your biggest fear in life? still trusting the wrong people

window or aisle seat? window!

what’s your current tv obsession? stranger things season 4 (y'all go watch it!)

favorite app? tiktok

secret talent? i can move my ears

most adventurous thing you’ve ever done in your life? probably traveling alone to mexico and wondering how i actually survived. i was 17 and knew nothing.

how would you define yourself in three words? sarcastic, introverted and quiet

favorite piece of clothing you own? xl t-shirts, sweats (black, grey and white)

a must have clothing item that everyone should have? white sneakers 

a superpower you would want? invisibility

what’s inspiring you in life right now? my nonfictional books

best piece of advice you’ve received? “life is like a tree. there are many branches that are like our emotions. one branch for anger, another for happiness, another for sad, it goes on. they break off, they grow, it's all about perspective."

best advice you’d give your teenage self? don't try to grow up too fast. you take all the time in the world to heal from whoever or whatever hurt you. don't dye your hair, don't curse at your parents, and don't complain about how slow life feels. just be young, enjoy the moment and love yourself for who you are and not how others want you to be.

a book everyone should read? the switch by beth o'leary

what would you like to be remembered for? goofy as fuck

how do you define beauty? beauty is in everything and everyone. i think that everyone should feel beauty rather than search for it. your identity is yours and no one else can take that away. there is no standard in beauty except yourself! 

what do you love most about your body? my freckles

best way to take a rest/decompress? listen to music

favorite place to view art? in a museum or traveling in a city

if your life was a song, what would the title be? screaming but sane

if you could master one instrument, what would it be? keyboard/piano

if you had a tattoo, where would it be? my whole left arm

dolphins or koalas? koalas

what’s your spirit animal? bunny or dolphin

best gift you’ve ever received? i dont want to say money but. money (for things i want to buy)

best gift you’ve given? i like giving people what they like or are interested in so, i dont think they're all the best but just memorable or caring.

what’s your favorite board game? sorry!

what’s your favorite color? still royal blue

least favorite color? dark orange/yellow

diamond or pearls? pearls

drugstore makeup or designer? drugstore makeup

blow-dry or air-dry? air-dry

pilates or yoga? pilates

coffee or tea? coffee or nothing

what’s the weirdest word in the english language? flabbergasted

dark chocolate or milk chocolate? NEITHER

stairs or elevators? stairs

summer or winter? summer

you are stuck on an island, you can pick one food to eat forever without getting tired of it, what would you eat? carbonara tteokbokki

a dessert you don’t like? anything almond. gross

a skill you’re working on mastering? journaling

best thing to happen to you today? i got to sleep in until 12:30

worst thing to happen to you today? i woke up tired lmao

best compliment you’ve ever received? “you look like the kind of a girl a celebrity would immediately hit on"

favorite smell? vanilla and coconut

hugs or kisses? hugs

if you made a documentary, would it be about? good food in new york

last piece of content you consumed that made you cry? stranger things season 4, ep 4: dear billy. if you know, you know.

lipstick or lipgloss? lipgloss

sweet or savory? sweet

girl crush? jung hoyeon and sydney sweeney

how do you know your in love? when someone remembers the little things

a song you can listen to on repeat? born singer by bts

if you could switch lives with someone for a day, who would it be? hmm. probably kim namjoon

what are you most excited for about this time in your life? graduating!!! writing!!! working on my model portfolio!!! anything coming my way!!!

tagging some moots ⇢ @venomsilk @t-lostinworlds @honeyspidey @thollandsdarling @totheblood @lauras-collection @cindymooons @veryholland @seolaseoul @lovelytholland @httphollands @ptergwen @silkscream @silkholland @starksview

[mlm-mod-taka]

Hi! It's me again, I really enjoy your hcs and I was wondering if I could request again some hcs for Byakuya, Ghundam, Chihiro and, (If you want), any character you choose x GN reader who has a hard time falling asleep and hardly sleep because of that, thanks and sorry if my English is bad, I hope you have a nice day <3

INSOMNIAC READER • byakuya, chihiro, gundham x gn reader

of course, anon! i didnt proof read, so im sorry if there are any typos in this. im somewhat in a hurry to finish this since im not used to answering anything below 3 requests a day, so i hope its decent! also, please get enough sleep, it'll really help you! i hope you enjoy these.

tws/cws: he/him pronouns for chihiro.

|| -> mod taka <3

he finds out that you do this when he got up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, and he sees you in the kitchen, eating chips and watching a video on your gadget.

is very surprised and almost had a heart attack, thinking that someone broke into his house when he doesnt see you next to him and when he hears the strange sound of plastic rustling in the kitchen.

will ask why youre not in bed in a very exhausted tone. its not directed at you, the man just needs some peace and quiet. he has a pretty stressful life, after all.

when you tell him that you have trouble sleeping, and that you just dont sleep at all for some days in a row, he looks at you like you just grew 3 extra eyes. you... dont sleep for days on end? is that even possible?

he just, drags you to bed silently and tells you to just wait until you fall asleep. 2 hours later, he wakes up again. this time, to you playing a game on your phone with your earphones on.

you'll explain again how really nothing has helped you so far, and that waiting around while waiting for them to be sleepy is useless.

okay, this is serious. he finally got enough sleep, so he commands one of his servants to get a bottle of the strongest melatonin they could buy. he'll also issue a doctor appointment to make sure its not some kind of side effect for an illness.

once they can confirm that youre okay, but you just need ALOT of sleep, he'll nod, making a promise to himself that he'll fix your hurrendous sleeping patterns. not only for your sake, but for his too. he really doesnt want to wake up constantly because you made an unexpected noise when youre awake.

the first step to his plan is by making you eat/drink things that are known to help people sleep. even if you dont like the taste, he will probably still feed it to you since he knows its the better good. both you and him need beauty sleep.

after he makes you eat one of those things atleast once everyday, he'll also make you take a melatonin pill atleast 30 minutes before you go to bed.

when you start to have a better sleeping pattern, thats when he'll start letting you refuse your daily sleeping food. all he asks is that you take the melatonin.

as the weeks go by, he'll gradually start to leave you alone, and you notice that your sleeping is back to normal! you can now actually fall asleep without being up for atleast a few days.

byakuya is very happy about this result. he probably improves your health a slight bit as well. hes just glad that he could be of assistance to someone he loves.

honestly? he probably feels the same as you do. since he's a programmer, chihiro probably has a terrible sleeping schedule too, and he doesnt do much to change it.

you'll be the couple that'll be up until 4am. there was one time where mondo messaged the class groupchat because he couldnt sleep, and you and chihiro messaged right away.

the rest will probably have to take care of you two, most of the class is very concerned whenever you both answer in exact unison because youre always up together.

mondo and taka probably have to force you two to go to bed. they themselves don have the best sleep schedule, but yours is definitely worse.

you and chihiro most likely stay up doing the classic stuff. playing multiplayer in your favorite games, watching vine compilations, cooking cupcakes in the dorm kitchen that will probably make someone sick since you both cant cook, the usual.

you always wake up someone during your antics, and its most likely makoto and taka since theyre very light sleepers. makoto probably just gives you two a look before going back to sleep, and taka gives you a gigantic lecture.

eventually, he does start realizing that its probably unhealthy to stay up until 7am every single night until youre so exhausted that you collapse on the dorm bed and sleep for a good 19 hours. thats not good at all, so he starts encouraging both of you to go to sleep later.

asks for mondo and takas help, so what do they do to help out? they take all of your gadgets and only plan to give them back when they see you in school the next day, after having a good nights rest.

you guys probably have to do a massive amount of things during the day so that you can just knock out afterwards, and finally get your gadgets back. chihiro is the ultimate programmer, he needs his computer back.

after doing that every day for a good few weeks, you both finally start to fall asleep on your own measures. taka and mondo are so proud, that they finally give you back your gadgets for good.

now, you both sleep at the exact same time! it all comes full circle. he really likes staying up, but also going to bed with you. he just wants to do everything with you, and hes glad that you can also fall asleep together.

now, this man wouldnt try to correct your sleeping pattern, but hed actually try to do the same as you instead. he definitely wants to spend as much time as he can with you, but he just.

he cant. he cant stay up for as long as you do, and its very obvious that hes trying so hard not to fall asleep when youre trying to make conversation with him and 3 am.

he yawns whenever he opens his mouth to speak, whenever you speak he starts to doze off and you have to shake him awake when he does, plus he also scratches his eye every 5 seconds to keep him awake.

"me? tired? non sense!" he yawns. "the supreme overlord of ice can never go to slumber that easily!" a hand reaches to scratch his eye. "what makes you think of tomfoolery such as that?" the dark devas are sleeping in his scarf while he talks.

eventually gets to the point where he cant do it anymore. you look over to him, since he hasnt responded to the topic in awhile, and you see him knocked out, snoring very loudly.

its cute to think that he cares so much about spending time with you, but it is effecting him a little. he often sleeps during lunch, and whenever hes finished with his work.

sonia finally asks whats wrong with him when he falls asleep in the middle of eating his food, and nothing can wake him up. shes tried to shake him awake already, yelling in his ear, etc. etc... nothings working.

when you do finally wake him up, you decided that you have to fix your sleeping pattern. he will really stay up for as long as he can to spend time with you, you've already tried to convince him to sleep, and the man is stubborn.

so, you put matters into your own hands. you put alot of effort into helping yourself get into a regular sleeping pattern. you practically ask everyone else to help you out because you dont want gundham to sacrifice his own well being just for your sake.

gundham is secretly really greatful. he didnt know how much longer he can stand staying up so late everyday, so its a relief when he gets to sleep at his usual time again.

in a way, being in a relationship with him actually was the reason that you finally fixed how you sleep, and you will forever be thankful for that, since your habit would probably catch up to you later on in life.

[littlemissnoname13]

Three Days With You - Part Two

Summary: Draco has a rather interesting day planned for the two of you. Joined by familiar faces, old wounds resurface leaving the two of you with more questions than answers.

Warnings: smut,mature language and scenes, drinking, a fair amount of angst, mentions of blood

Word count: 3000

A/n: it’s 4am and I’m sleep deprived. This series is a bit plot heavy as opposed to WOS. I tried so very hard to fit everything under the 3000 word limit I’ve set for each part.

Song that plays as they dance: Fade into you by Mazzy Star

Part one | Masterlist

~~~

Sometime around Umbridge’s reign of terror, 5th year, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft & Wizardry

With his arms folded, Draco casually reclined against the wall and he watched you write lines with Umbridge’s quill. He tried to keep a straight face but it was hard not to wince as he watched the words etch themselves onto your skin.

It seemed that Dolores Jane Umbridgde wasn’t really fond of you. In fact, he was certain she despised you just as much as Potter.

This was your third consecutive evening in detention and as a member of the inquisitorial squad, he was tasked with the duty of keeping an eye on you.

And while you did a moderately decent job of keeping a straight face through the searing sensations, he could sense that you were clearly in pain.

“Murtlap essence.” Draco said quietly and you dropped the quill and turned around to look at him. “It should help with the abrasions.”

“Why are you talking to me, Malfoy?”

Draco arched a brow at your question but internally, he too was pondering why he was talking to you.

Nobody talked to you.

You always spent most of your time scribbling furiously into what looked like a diary of some sort. You barely had any friends and most of his so-called friends were very upfront about their disdain for you and your muggleborn heritage.

“Why can’t I talk to you?” He finally asked, walking up to where you were seated.

“Are you asking me or are you asking yourself?” You quipped and went back to writing lines with that wretched quill. You always seemed so unbothered by everything.

A part of his brain was telling him to shut up and another part of his brain was trying to come up with a witty response just to impress you.

“I’m asking you.” He sighed in defeat before crouching down next to you to look at the gashes on your hand. “Why can I not talk to you?”

“Hm, let’s see..” You said with a bit more salt than you intended to. “Your Pure blood ideals that classify people like me as mudbloods, the prejudice, not to mention Umbitch who wouldn’t be very pleased to see you talk to me while I’m writing lines for her.”

His fingertips ghosted over your cuts, barely making contact with the blood as he contemplated running outside to look for some murtlap essence himself.

“Dont.” You winced when his skin made contact with the cuts. “Just don’t. I don’t need your pity.”

His eyes caught sight of yours as you pulled your hand away and he immediately felt uneasy at the sight of them. It was a kind of wistfulness, a type of yearning and nostalgia for something that never was. Something that never could be. And it somehow made him want it even more.

Draco lifted his hand, letting his fingers brush against your cheek and he heard you reflexively draw in a sharp breath.

He found himself leaning in to capture your lips in his but you hesitated.

“It wouldn’t be justifiable if something happened in between us.” You whispered, leaning an inch away from him. “It would be highly inconvenient for you if someone found out.”

“Then I guess, no one must know.” His voice was hoarse before he crashed his lips into yours.

How was he ever going to explain himself if anyone found out? His whole life, he was taught to be repelled by your kind. He was, however, anything but repelled.

He was swallowing all of the little whimpers that you made and he was revelling in the feel of your smooth skin underneath your shirt.

How was he ever going to justify the way he was slowly allowing his fingers to trace your inner thighs before pushing your panties aside to press his finger into your wetness.

Gods, the sounds you were making when he pushed a finger inside of you.

Why were you allowing him to touch you like this?

Hair tousled, shirt unbuttoned with your breasts falling out, legs spread open for him to see. For him to claim.

��Is this okay?” He asked before taking a slow lick up your soaked cunt and you raked your fingers into his hair and gripped hard as you nodded eagerly.

One taste of you and instantaneously forgot everything that was expected of him. It didn’t bother him what type of blood ran through your veins. The way he wanted to kneel and worship your pretty and wet cunt was more sacred than the entire bloody sacred twenty eight.

When he finally lined his hardened erection up against your entrance, he noticed that you had suddenly tensed. Your hesitation was notable in the way you tilted your head and stared at the floor like your life depended on it.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, using his index finger to tilt your face back to him. “Tell me, y/n. Do you want me to stop?”

That was the first time he’d used your given name and saying it made his ears turn hot.

“No—No I don’t want you to stop.” You whispered, still refusing to look at him. “It’s just that—I’ve never..”

How could he have been so dense?

The way you were digging your nails into his arms, your whimpers, and the way you winced when he pushed his fingers inside you should have told him that you were a virgin.

He caressed your cheeks slightly and dipped his head lower to press a kiss onto your forehead before backing away.

He didn’t want your first time to be with someone like him, during Umbridge’s detention of all places with your cuts still bleeding and seeping into the cotton of his white shirt.

“Draco don’t.” You whispered his given name softly and grabbed him by the arm before he had the chance to walk away. “Don’t go.”

“But y/n—”

You pulled him in and pressed your lips on his before he could reason with you.

He had the choice to walk away from you, from all this but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. It felt different with you.

He asked you one more time before lining himself up against you. And when you gave him a soft and breathy “yes”, he pushed.

Your walls clenched him in and you tried your best to repress your tearful whimper by biting down on the exposed part of his shoulder.

He made sure to be gentle with you when he made the first few thrusts.

Soon enough, your grip on his arms loosened. Your cries morphed into tiny little gasps and moans of his name and you began to kiss the same place you were previously biting.

And at that very moment he knew you had surrendered yourself to him.

Wholly. Completely. Entirely.

At the particular moment, you belonged to nobody but Draco Lucius Malfoy and he—

~~~

Present day, Pilgrim’s Inn, 9:27 Am

Draco, fixing you both a cup of coffee, stilled and snapped out of the flashback inside his mind when you let out a small grumble in your sleep and reached towards his side of the bed.

He couldn’t help but smile to himself when he noticed the visibly annoyed look on your sleepy face when all you felt were pillows and sheets.

As much he wanted to sit and watch you sleep like a mega creep, it seemed like a good time to wake you up.

~~~

He was still wearing the same trousers and black shirt from the previous night when your eyes fluttered open. Only this morning, the shirt was buttoned halfway, exposing most of his chest and torso. The sleeves had been rolled back and you felt your stomach twist into a knot at the sight of his dark mark.

It served as a constant reminder that you only really had three days with him.

Before you could delve deeper into your thoughts, Draco stood up and walked towards the bed with a ceramic mug filled to the brim with coffee causing your lips to twist into a grateful smile.

“Drink up.” He said as he sat down on the chair next to you. “We have a long day ahead of us.”

After a big gulp of the coffee, you put the mug on the bed side table and looked at him.

“We do?”

“Of course we do.” He motioned towards a turquoise box on top of the dresser, sounding giddy and excited. He almost sounded like the carefree and careless Draco you loved to hate from the first few years at school.

You quickly threw the duvet off your body and scurried towards the dresser; the floorboards of the inn creaked as you did so.

“What’s in the box?” You turned your head back to look at him.

Draco’s cheeks were flushed and he was watching you with darkened eyes. His firm grip on the mug made his knuckles turn pale and you only realized you were standing in front of him naked when you saw the growing bulge in his pants

You ignored your own blood rush to your cheeks while you unwrapped the box to see what he was so excited about.

It was an oxblood red dress, with the softest fabric you’d ever touched. Long flowy sleeves and a plunging neckline, it was strikingly gorgeous.

“A Dress Draco?” You raised a brow at him.

“For our very first date. And for later..” he smirked and you scanned the entire dresser to find an appropriate object to throw at him.

“That’s some way to ask a girl out and must you always think about sex?!” You accused even though you were thinking about it too and reached for a book he’d left on top of the dresser to throw at him.

Before launching the book his way, you paused to examine the book on your hand that read Advanced Potion Making by Libatius Borage. It was only then that you realized that more than half of the books he had in the inn were about potions and alchemy.

How could you have not realised? Potions was the only subject he really seemed to enjoy at school.

Even during the nights you spent together back in school, you’d prop yourself up on his bed, wrap a sheet carelessly around your bare body and watch him stay up late to work on his Potions homework.

You’d always encourage him towards a career in potion making and he’d smile wistfully at the idea before turning to look at the snake and skull tattoo on his forearm. With a vacant look in his otherwise mercurial eyes, he’d remind you that he would have liked that if the circumstances were different.

You dropped the book back on the desk and instantly flung yourself into his arms.

~~~~

When he felt you wrap your arms tightly around his torso, Draco stiffened.

The way you were holding him made it seem like you were already saying your goodbyes and he felt as if someone had repeatedly used the cruciatus curse on him. He couldn’t bring himself to think about his life without you in it.

He wasn’t ready.

Draco quickly sorted out his scrambled thoughts and placed his oculomancy walls up as high as he could.

“As sexy as you are naked, I’d very much like to see that dress on you.”

You slightly sniffled before walking back towards the dresser to slip the dress on. The way you struggled with the zipper was adorable to him and he helped you zip it up with a crooked grin on his face.

Considering the present situation, taking you outside of the inn was risky so he’d taken it upon himself to arrange a perfect little lunch at the inn itself. Complete with vintage wine, a lavish main course and a decadent dessert to top it all off.

Sure, it took another huge wad of muggle cash, and coaxing the owner but the look on your face when he fed you a spoonful of chocolate mousse was worth it.

He was going to be the best fucking boyfriend on the face of this planet even if it was only for three days.

Draco took your hand, kissed you on the knuckle, guided you to the table, pulled your chair out for you and tried his hardest to not stare at your cleavage for more than thirty seconds.

Thank Merlin for all of the etiquette training he had to undergo when he was younger!

~~~

The two of you didn't really get around making much progress on the rest of the items on Draco’s itinerary filled with cliched tripes like reading poetry to each other and slow dancing to a song playing on the vintage turntable in the far corner of the room.

You’d never taken him for a romantic but he was adamant on the idea of finding “your song” from the tracks on the record that was spinning round and round.

When the both of you finally stopped bickering and agreed on a song, he stood up in front of you and offered you his hand.

Fade into you. Strange you never knew…

The chorus went as he took the lead and swayed you slowly across the room, careful not to trip on furniture.

Both of you barely made it to the end of the song and you weren’t even surprised.

~~~

“Gods you really do look beautiful in this dress..” he let out a low growl when he stopped dancing to pin you against the mattress and attach his lips to the pulse point of your neck.

To his utter surprise, you wasted no time in yanking his belt buckle.

“I need you…Draco Lucius Malfoy.” You pleaded as you started to pump his length in your hand. “I need you now.”

Urgency was dripping through every syllable that left your lipstick smudged mouth. Arousal was seeping through the fabric of your panties and Draco was afraid he’d come just by watching you like that.

“Say it again..” he whispered as he attached his mouth to your firm nipple. “Please—y/n, just say my name like that again..”

“Draco…”

With no hesitation or remorse, he pried your legs apart and pushed his cock right where it belonged inside of you. The way your body reacted to the motion drove him insane.

He often questioned his place in the universe, it was a constant battle between light and dark, between right and wrong.

But with you, he always felt like he belonged.

“You’re going to make me come…Draco..”

He buried his face into your hair and continued to fuck you like there was no tomorrow.

It was never like this with anybody else for him. And it was never going to be.

“I love you.” You whispered as you succumbed to your orgasm, heedless of the way your words would affect him.

How could you say those words out loud so often and not care about the consequences that came along with it?

“Don’t be selfish..” He groaned, feeling his own high approaching at the sound of those words. “Don’t you dare…”

“I love you.” You moaned, louder this time. “I love—”

He silenced you with a kiss before you could say it again. The weight of those words were always too much for him. Especially when he knew he had less than seventy two hours with you.

Draco began to think about all those years of childish games and wasted time as strong stinging sensations prickled up on his skin.

First, at the pit of his stomach. Then, on his left forearm.

He’d been called upon.

~~~

“Do not leave this inn. You understand?” He warned as he quickly redressed. “I’ll have someone sent over to look after you.”

“I’ll be fine. I promise.” You protested as you wrapped the sheets around your body and got out of bed. “I don’t need a babysitter,Draco.”

His eyes darkened and his expressions hardened as he heard your words and you gulped when he stormed over to where you stood.

“Listen to me carefully.” He gripped hard onto your shoulders and shook you. “Stay put and only open the door if you hear three knocks.”

It took a second for you to let his words sink in but you slowly nodded.

His cold hands cupped either of your cheeks and his forehead pressed up against yours; desperate and frantic eyes stared back at you.

“I have one more thing on my itinerary for us.” He said, conjuring the best smile he could give you before leaning in to press a slow and soft kiss on your lips. “I’ll be back soon.”

You held onto his words, dressed yourself in one of his sweaters, paced back and forth in the room, made yourself a cup of strong black coffee and even read through his extensive collection of books.

After what seemed like an hour, you heard it. Three very precise knocks on your door.

Very anxiously, you opened the door to find a brunette boy giving you a Cheshire Cat kind of smile.

He casually leaned forward to squeeze you into a bone crushing hug as if you were a long lost family member and you scrunched up your nose, awkwardly hugging back.

“I believe a proper introduction is long overdue.” He said as he let go. “Theodore Nott.”

“I know who you are.” You mumbled as you stepped back to let him in. “I have seen you in class.”

“Great.” He smiled as his eyes danced around the room to look at the books, the coffee pot, the turntable and the remains of what used to be the dress Draco got you.

A bright pink flush swiped across your cheeks as Theo disapprovingly shook his head. “I know you both spent half of the day shagging but please tell me you managed to do at least five activities from the itinerary!”

“How do you know all this?”

“Because I had to unfortunately sit and watch him put the blasted itinerary together.” Theo sighed, as he poured himself a cup of coffee from the coffee pot before reaching for a tiny flask inside his jacket. “Occulumancy aside, Ferret is also rubbish at hiding things from me.”

You let out a snort when you remembered Draco the ferret.

After your laughter simmered down, Theo took a rather cautious step towards you before offering you his flask.

“Nothing happened between him and Pansy that day y/n.”

Your heart started to ache as your mind started recollecting that day. That goddamned day.

“And you’re telling me this now because?”

Theo sat down on the floor and patted the empty space next to him with a sad little smile on his face.

“Closure.”

(To be continued….)

~~~~~~

Part three preview:

The two of you laid peacefully next to each other one top of a picnic blanket he’d conjured, somewhere in the middle of a forest clearing

The stark black sky was littered with a million shimmering stars. Protective wards were in place and the air was saturated with the scent of pine wood and moss.

From across the blanket, Draco reached for your hand and gave it a little squeeze and you turned to your side to get a better view of him—his silver hair giving the moonlight a run for its money.

“Lyrids.” He smiled, pointing his index finger at the sky as meteors started falling from the sky, one after another…

TDWY tag list: @nicofiliac @emma67 @kimberlyxmalfoy @palecaramel @letoof @ameliasbitvh @sycathorn-slush @dr4cking @malfoyswifeyy @arzfia @icedlattewithalmondmilk @alisslahey @lieswithoutfairytales @dracoslittlesunflower @dmalfoyswhore @serpentesonagli @dracomalfoys-wh0re

Join the series tag list here.

Love,

A very sleep deprived and delirious vi

[iwaisuke]

i like you so much, you'll know it

ft. kageyama tobio, semi eita, iwaizumi hajime x fem!reader

genre: fluff (prompts are based off lines of the song)

masterlist

a/n: from the c-drama a love so beautiful :) i wrote this at like 4am so sorry if its crap haha. not proof read either. also, sorry in advance if they're too ooc lol im a mess rn.

» ˚⸙͎۪۫⋆

i like your eyes, you look away when you pretend not to care i like the dimples on the corners of the smile that you wear. i like you more the world may know but dont be scared cause im falling deeper baby be prepared.

» today was your first day at karasuno highschool. honestly, you were so scared. that was up until you found out kageyama was going too.

» the two of you had been childhood friends due to each others grandparents knowing the others. you had been with him through his ups and downs. his victories and defeats. almost everything kageyama did, you were there with him.

» actually, you didnt know kageyama was going to karasuno until you walked outside your door to find the raven haired boy in the same school uniform as you

» "tobi? you never told me you were going to karasuno?" giving him a side eyed grin. "i thought you were planning on going to aoba johsai like oikawa senpai and iwaizumi senpai"

» you viewed kageyama as someone who expected others to reach his level in order to be a good match for him. he had a strong head on his shoulders. naturally gifted in volleyball, like everything was given to him on a gold platter. of course, he wasnt perfect and thats where you come in and keep him level headed. helping him understand his faults and weaknesses as well. doing your best to encourage the setter

» he let out a sigh. a slight frown forming on his face. "i didnt get in.." he quietly said. "karasuno has a good volleyball team though and i can feel myself growing here" he stated bodly

» and boy was he right. something about kageyama did changd that day. he usually was so bitter and angry. a very pessimistic look on life if he and others weren't at the top. maybe it was the orange haired boy, hinata, that the setter and you became friends with. and maybe it was his great senpai's who were patient with him and gave him the opportunity to grow

» kageyama started smiling more often. his small unnoticeable dimples showing. he became kinder. softer. and more carefree. he was a growing boy both mentally and physically.

» what you didnt realize was that not only was kageyama changing, you as well, had something changing and growing in your heart.

» but kageyama noticed. oh boy did he really notice, the way you seemed to become happier and livelier by the day. how the stars sparkled in your eyes when you talked about something you enjoyed. the kind of perfume you would wear and how you would tie your hair differently each day. the weird trinkets you just seemed to love that decorated your bag. but most importantly, how much bigger your heart has become, loving everyone and their faults. always encouraging and motivating him and his team.

» was she always like this? he would constantly think to himself. all of a sudden being hyperaware about you... but he would NEVER let you know that, let alone his senpai's. it was just too embarrassing. just thinking about the never ending teasing he'd get from tanaka and noya senpai made him shiver.

» all of these things he felt about you hit kageyama like a truck the day everyone started to wear their winter uniforms.

» picking you up to walk to school together was a normal thing since the two of you lived close, but how was kageyama suppose to do this now when you're standing in front of him. thigh high socks to keep your legs warm, an oversized jacket that you had borrowed from him a while back you forgot to return. white mittens to cover your cold hands and the slight blush on your face from the wind chill.

» "does it look weird?" you shyly asked. kageyama was silent. "ah.. give me a second. I'll go back in and change real qui-"

» kageyama tugged on your hand. "its fine. lets just go to school or we'll be late." refusing to look you in the eyes. heat rising to your cheeks as tobio dragged you along with him.

» your feelings for the setter had blossomed over the past few months. falling deeper and deeper into him, and at this point you felt like you couldnt hide it anymore. you just had to tell him. tell him all the wonderful things he's done. the way he's grown and how much he means to you.

» "tobi..." your soft voice spilling out. eyes closed, the fog of your breath coming out as you exhaled. "i lik-"

» you felt something wrap around your neck. "wait y/n..." kageyama spoke, interrupting what you were about to say. not gonna lie, you felt like your heart was about to be shattered like ice eventhough kageyama continued to wrap his scarf around your neck.

» "dont say it..." he quietly said as he began to walk forward without you.

» ah... is this what rejection feels like? i didnt even get to say it properly... your hands felt colder now that kageyama wasnt holding them anymore.

» he took a quick glance back at you. blush on his cheeks. "be prepared because i want to be the one to tell you first."

i like the way you try so hard when you play ball with your friends. i like the way you hit the notes in every song you're shinnin' i love the little things like when you're unaware, i catch you steal a glance and smile so perfectly

» semi eita, your 3 year heart throb from the moment he first spoke to you.

» at first, you had suppressed these feelings, telling yourself he would never look at you the same way. but something about the blonde tsundere struck a chord in your heart that you just couldn't forget.

» the two of you ended up becoming friends. closer than you had actually imagined within these past 3 years. doing everyday life with you. waking up and saving you a spot at breakfast. helping you with your studies in exchange for being his workout buddy and motivator.

» semi kept his tabs on you. your likes and dislikes. the things that made you smile and the things that made you groan in disgust, but he would never let you know that.

» to semi, you were his breath of fresh air. the song he has on repeat everyday. the kind of person who would keep him on his toes. in a good way of course

» "oi what are you daydreaming of this time?" semi asked as you zoned out while drinking your carton of strawberry milk. "hm? oh nothin. just thinkin about whats in store for us today!" reaching your arms above your head letting out a stretch. "i just know for a fact. today is gonna be a good day." semi chuckled at your optimistic claim. "how do you know for sure?" "i dont know how. i just do" you replied with a smile on your face.

» today, shiratorizawa had a practice match with aoba johsai and today, eita was picked to be in the starting line up. the pure joy that radiated from his body. maybe today was a really good day just like how you had said.

» semi took a quick glance up into the stands, you gave him a thumbs up and wished him good luck. his smile was brighter than you had ever seen it and his eyes shined like stars. he always told you that whatever chance he got on the court, he would be sure to not let his team down no matter what. he was in his zone. playing his best and sure enough, they had won all 3 matches.

» after practice, semi and you would hang out at his dorm afterwards. he liked to show you all the new songs he was working on. whether it was a cover or a song or a song he was writing on his own.

» the two of you leaned against the wall as you sat on semi's bed. his sheet music all sprawled out before him on his bed sheets. guitar in his arms and you beside him.

» "what are you working on semi?" "a song" "well obviously dum dum" you laughed, reaching out for a paper in front.

» "so who's the special lady?" you teased him as you read the lyrics. deep down inside you could only wish these words were meant for you. a blush formed on eita's face. "just... shut up about it... its not ready yet"

» it was getting late and falling asleep at semi's place was a normal occurrence at this point. your eyes became heavy and your head started bobbing.

» "sleepy?" eita asked as he noticed your eyes drooping. "mhm. sing for me semi? please?" his voice was so soft like a mothers touch yet somehow had the power to pierce through your soul sometimes. although, it never failed to help you fall asleep when you needed it.

» hesitantly, semi started humming. softly speaking some lyrics here and there. you didnt know where the tune was from so you listened the best you could.

» "... till the last of snow dissapears ... till a rainy day, becomes clear. never knew a love like this, now i can't let go..."

» your eyes had closed. slumber taking over you as you fell onto semi's shoulder.

» "im in love with you... and now you know..."

» yeah. today was a good day. just like you said it was going to be.

in a world devoid of life, you bring color. in your eyes i see the light, my future. always and forever i know i cant let you go. im in love with you and now you know

» to iwaizumi, unlike volleyball, oikawa, maki, mattsun, school, anything life threw at him; you were the thing in his life that was constant yet at the same time a whirlwind of new beginnings. not in a bad way though.

» ever since you were kids, you showed iwaizumi the beauty in things he would have never guessed had. he was bold and tended to look over things without giving them much thought. his eyes straight ahead to the trials before him. you on the other hand, stopped him and slowed him down from rushing into them blindly.

» "every moment is precious. you should learn to cherish it because you never know when it's gonna be your last" you always said

» your views of the world were beautiful compared to how cruel it actually was. naivety maybe? or maybe it was just because you were blessed with a kind soul.

» iwaizumi always knew he had feelings for you. you had been with him through thick and thin. he could depend on you and you could depend on him. in his eyes, you were the most beautiful person on earth. deep down he had hoped the two of you could stay like that forever. nothing could ever change that.

» or so he thought...

» "iwa chan~ you owe me a meat bun" oikawa whined as the group of friends were walking to the gym for volleyball practice. "shut up crappykawa. i already bought you one last week" "oi isn't that y/n over there?" maki said, shaking iwaizumi's shoulder.

» sure enough it was you. apparently you had told iwaizumi to go ahead of you today because you had something to take care of in the afternoon. telling him you'd meet up with him after practice was over. not thinking much of it, he bid you a farewell and went on in his day.

» "oooou by the looks of it, this is the perfect confession scene" mattsun teased. "oi stop messing around" iwaizumi's voice hoarse. not gonna lie, iwaizumi felt his heart drop when mattsun said that

» the 4 boys crept closer to see what was going on.

» there you were, standing in the middle of a classroom with a black haired boy. "mhm. definitely a confession." oikawa stated. "shut up tooru we cant hear" maki retorted.

» you weren't considered popular in school but that didnt mean people didnt know who you were. iwaizumi knew you were gorgeous and on top of that, smart, kind and one of the sweetest girls, so it was only natural that people would be drawn to you.

» they watched as the boy got closer and closer to you. voices barely being audible to the 4 boys outside. iwaizumi's heart could bear to see this right before his eyes.

» without even thinking, his feet moving on his own, iwaizumi barged into the room. all eyes towards him.

» "iwa what are you-" without letting you finish, iwa dragged you out of the classroom. "iwa where are you taking me" asking him as he took you to who knows where, leading you up the stairs of the school.

» up on the roof, he finally let go. "sorry..." he mumbled.

» "sorry for what iwa?" "for ruining that confession... i just-"

» "you just...-?"

» "i just love you ok?!"

» your heart shook at the resonance of his voice. iwa liked you? he liked you back?! wait no- he loved you.

» you had loved iwaizumi from the moment you met him and as the two of you grew up, your love for him only grew deeper. he was the only one you'd ever look at. the only one who would ever cross your mind. you had hoped he felt the same about you but he was always so busy with other things you only felt like you would be able to support him on the sidelines as he faced the world head on like he always does.

» just being in iwaizumi's presence was enough for you. no need to be greedier, you thought. its good to be content with what you have, but just knowing that he shares the same feelings... its ok to be a little greedy right?

» your silence being louder than it should have been, iwaizumi took it the wrong way. "look I know this isn't the greatest confession. heck it's not even the way I wanted to confess to you, and get it if you like that other guy, you don't have to-"

» shuting him up with a kiss, you wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him in closer. needless to say, he was shocked, but embraced you as well.

» "you're overthinking too much iwa. that's so unlike you" you chuckled. his face bright red at the previous actions.

» "i love you. I've loved you for a long time actually. every single second. every moment we've shared. i cant picture myself with anyone but you hajime."

» iwa let out a sigh of relief. a smile being brought back onto his face. "good because all I know is that i cant let you go. in the past, present and even in the future...."

» the blue sky slowly changing into shades of coral warmed your heart even more on top of his sweet words that you've always longed to hear.

» "im in love with you, and now you know"

-» ˚⸙͎۪۫⋆

enjoy your order! have a great day!

[simpsiren]

about the roommate

park seonghwa x reader

main masterlist

description. you talk about your weird relationship with the roommate you’ve been with for so long yet still dont know much about

genre. roommates au, fluff, seonghwa hinting at reader that they like them

warnings. nonee

a/n. hihii so i wanted to try writing for ateez since ive been doing a lot of nct ff already. its my first time so i doubt that it’ll be accurate but i got the idea from this post by @darling-akaashi so i hope it will be decent. i never thought that it would be this long but oh well HAHA enjoyy :D

how did you even become roommates with someone like him? you dont even know. all you knew was that you were finding someone to share the apartment rent with and it just so happens that your friend at college, wooyoung, has a friend who was looking for an apartment.

and now here you are. a year and a half of sharing an apartment with seonghwa yet the two of you are in your separate rooms. the only interaction you ever made today was at breakfast where seonghwa cooked for you scrambled eggs and toasted bread.

there’s wasn’t much you knew about him at first. but as you slowly but surely try to accomplish your mission of getting to know seonghwa (since you didn’t like being awkward with people all the time), you start to learn a thing or two about him.

you were glad that after a year and a half of staying with him, you got to know more about him, despite the fact that the interaction between the two of you still needed some work.

[ONE] : he’s a clean freak.

you were feeling tired from a long day of school and all you thought of doing while walking home was to sit on the couch and resume your anime marathon.

you unlock your door to find seonghwa mopping the floor. you nod your head slowly as you close the door and take off your shoes before taking any step further.

“didnt you mop the floor yesterday?” you ask, placing your keys on the kitchen counter along with your bag on the chair of the dining table.

“yeah.” was all you heard from seonghwa as you pour yourself a glass of grape juice. “you dont have to mop again-“

“its a habit.” seonghwa replies simply. with your cup in hand, you make your way to the living room, where seonghwa is currently mopping. you take a seat on the couch and grab the controller to turn on the tv. “hey wanna watch attack on titans with me?” seonghwa was mopping the floor in between the couch you’re sitting on and the coffee table and stops in front of you, raising an eyebrow.

“i dont watch anime?” you furrow your eyebrows and frown. “come on its fun! stop your cleaning and at least watch one episode.” you grab seonghwa’s arm and pull him down to sit next to you, making him flinch a little and quickly placing the mop beside the couch.

“how am i suppose to watch when i dont know what happened before?” you roll your eyes.

“if you find this episode good then you can watch it from the start in your free time.”

seonghwa sighs and and stands up, walking away to keep the mop before taking a seat beside you again and getting comfortable. “this better be worth it. im suppose to clean the toilet right now.”

“that can wait.” you nudge your arm into his chest, making him let out another long sigh before watching the show silently.

[ONE.2]

it was a saturday morning as you went to sleep at 4am. hence, making you wake up at 11am in the morning. however, you have always been laying around in your bed for about an hour or so before getting out of your room. when the clock striked 12, you thought that it would be a good idea to get out of your room and have lunch. gathering up all your energy, you brought yourself out of bed and lazily walk out of your room.

as you walked down the hallway, the first thing you saw was seonghwa cleaning the counter top of the kitchen. you clicked your tongue and walked over to where seonghwa was.

“did you make lunch yet?”

seonghwa looks up at you and shakes his head. “its a saturday so im spring cleaning the house.” you rolled your eyes and shake your head.

“you do that every single day!” you whine. seonghwa raises his eyebrow. “i like to keep the house neat unlike you.” you let out a soft ‘tsk’.

you have to admit, you were not a clean person at all. the only reason why the apartment is clean is because of seonghwa’s habit of being well organised and meticulous. basically everything in the apartment but your room is squeaky clean. although you see seonghwa staring at your room and looked like he’s holding back the strong urge to clean it for you, he doesn’t really do anything about the fact that you are the complete opposite of him. you dont know why but you only shrug it off.

“ill help you today, alright? then you can quickly cook something up for us. im hella hungry right now.”

seonghwa lifts his head up from the table and scoffs with a slight smile. you furrow your eyebrows and frown. “what’s that face for, huh?”

“this is the first time you offered to help. id say thank you but i know you’re only doing it because we both know im the only one that can cook.” seonghwa says confidently. you purse your lips and nodded your head.

“you’re right. but i’ll still help. so, what should i do?” seonghwa tosses the cloth that he was using to clean the kitchen counter. you took a step back as you quickly got a hold of it.

“wash it and wipe the bookshelf.” you let out a long sigh before flashing him a bright smile and headed over to the bookshelf. while you were wiping the sides of the bookshelf, you could have sworn that you saw seonghwa looking at you with a smile and a light blush of pink on his cheeks. you pretended not to notice though, and shrug it off.

[TWO] : he’s a great cook.

you still remember the first day you came to the apartment. the first thing you see your new roommate doing was cleaning. like intense cleaning. it was late at night and you didn’t bother to even greet the stranger since you felt awkward and wanted to rest for the night.

however, at about two in the morning, you were laying down in your room when you felt the need to have a night snack. you stepped out of your room and went to the kitchen. the whole apartment was dark except for the dimly lit lamp at the kitchen. you jumped a little when you hear seonghwa’s voice coming from the living room.

“y/n?” you turn around to see seonghwa chilling on the couch with his phone. the living room was completely dark and you could only see his face from the light illuminating from his phone.

“i was just getting a snack to eat.” you said as you opened the fridge to look for something to eat. unfortunately, there wasnt anything that looked like it would fill your midnight appetite. you hear seonghwa standing up from the couch at the back and walking towards you. you tilted your head to the back and see seonghwa standing behinf you. you tale a step back.

“i can cook something if you want.”

“no no its fine i just need a simple snack.” seonghwa kept quiet for a moment as you went back to the fridge to look for food again, as if something might magically pop up. but of course nothing did.

“well i didnt think of getting any snacks when i moved in. ill make something.” seonghwa walks over to the fridge and nudges your arm, making you move to the kitcen counter and leaning your hip against it as you watch seonghwa get to work.

you were looking through your phone, distracted when you heard the noise of two bowls being olaced on the table. you lift your head up and noticed that seonghwa made yoghurt with cherries and raspberries. it wasnt your idea of a midnight snack but at this point, anything could go in your stomach.

“thanks.” you whisper softly as you drag the bowl near to you. seonghwa only hums in response as the two of you take a bite at the same time. your mouth gapes open as your head slowly tilts up from your bowl to look at seonghwa. he was casually eating when his raises an eyebrow at your weird expression.

“how.. how does this taste so good? what did you do it? did you poison it?!” seonghwa blinks at you a few times and shakes his head slowly. your forehead creases as you look at him suspiciously. “i never really liked yoghurt but holy shit.” you quickly take another bite.

“i think you’re just hungry. it tastes fine to me.” seonghwa says in a monotoned lazy manner and grabs the bowl and taking a seat at the dining table. you purse your lips into a straight line and grab your bowl as well and walking down the hallway to your room. before you open your door to go in, you quickly turn your head to the dining table.

“thanks for the yoghurt! ill wash the bowl later.” seonghwa doesnt react, keeping his eyes on his phone. you gave a weird look before heading inside. you sigh.

he’s going to be hard to talk to.

[TWO.2]

“its your birthday, right?” your jumped in your seat when seonghwa suddenly appeared beside you on the couch. “uhuh.. how’d you know?” you say softly, nodding your head.

“wooyoung told me. lll make you a cake or something. anything you want to eat?” you blink at him a few times, your mouth still gaping open as you were shocked about a few things. 1. he talking to you in a more open matter and 2. he actually want to make you something for your birthday.

“make me mac and cheese, please! i love the way you cook it!” you smiled brightly. seonghwa smiled back and coughed, only to return to his monotoned face. you laugh softly. you found it cute somehow.

“i wouldn’t have allowed it since its unhealthy but since its your birthday-”

“thank you!” you leaned in to hug seonghwa. the didnt hug you back, so you quickly pulled away. you noticed him blushing again, this time it was more obvious. you shook it off, despite knowing you felt butterflies in your stomach. “ill go out to get groceries then.” seonghwa stands up from the couch and heads inside his room to get ready.

you smiled to yourself constantly as you waited for seonghwa to finish making the mac and cheese. you sigh in satisfaction as the smell of the delicious food fills the air in the apartment. you tapped your feet excitedly as you had your eyes glued onto seonghwa with the pan in his hands. your face lit up the moment the starts walking towards you. you clap your hands as he places it down on the dining table.

“fuck it smells and looks to good.” you moan out. seonghwa lets out a soft laugh, making you blush just from hearing him do that. “if i made this any other day, i would’ve asked you to pay for the groceries.” you roll your eyes.

“come on dont be rude to me.” you grab a fork and spoon, bringing your plate near the pan and cutting out a slice for yourself. “thanks for the mac and cheese.” seonghwa only nods his head and took a slice for himself before the two of you ate together slowly, indulging the savoury and amazing taste of one of seonghwa’s best dishes he has ever made dor you.

you appreciated times like thae with seonghwa. alrhough not much interaction was made during meal times, you really felt that he cared for you. making meals you like on special occasions, and he’s always asking you what you want to eat, despite the fact that he might not be comfortable with the idea, he doesn’t fail to whip up a great meal. you liked that about seonghwa.

[THREE] : he’s a great listener.

you basically the worse day that day. for some reason, everything just had to go wrong. the only thing you felt the whole day were anger and sadness, more so towards anger. it was late at night yet you were still fuming in anger, only wanting to let it all out the moment you stepped into the apartment.

you unlocked the door and dropped your bag beside you and slammed the door shut. of course the piercing sound of the door made seonghwa lift his head up in an instant. you notice him laying down on the couch with his phone and usual.

stomping over to the kitchen, you pour yourself a glass of cold water. you chugged the whole cup of water fast and forcefully place the cup on the counter. you clearly felt seonghwa’s eyes on you. you look up from your cup and notice him looking shocked, his mouth gaping open slightly.

“what?” you said, running your hand through your hair in frustration.

“you okay...?” you hear seonghwa ask. “does it look like im okay? today felt as if i entered a shit hole.” you huff. you made your way over to the couch, leaving your empty cup on the counter.

“move your ass.” you hiss at seonghwa. he raises an eyebrow and gets up from his laying position, proceeding to sit up and let you take a seat beside him.

you sit down and let your body sink into the couch, laying your head back as you sigh to calm yourself down. “what happened?” seonghwa whispers, putting away his phone and turning his attention to you.

you purse your lips into a thin line and slowly looked up at him. his eyes were filled with concern and his voice was gentle too. he hasn’t been this concerned about you before.

“apparently i got my best friend to dress up all cute and fancy so that she can have a date with my boyfriend behind my back.” you scoff in disbelief, shaking your head. you see seonghwa licking his lips nervously as he nodded his head.

“a shit show if you ask me. i saw him waiting for her in front of the shop i was working at.” you grab the pillow behind you and hug it close to your chest with you digging your face into it. “just how cruel can people get?” your voice was muffled but you knew seonghwa heard you loud and clear. you felt his hand resting on your back, patting it gently.

“its fine. rant all you want.” you took a deep breath and slammed the pillow onto your lap. you felt that it made seonghwa jump a little but he never fails to keep his composure in check. you could never be like him.

the night, all you did was talk, cried and screamed your heart out. and seonghwa was there to just listen to you. he didn’t react much, but he did nod a few times hear and there to let you know that he understood what you were saying. he wasnt so affectionate that he would hug you when you cried, but it felt good to just have him sit there with you while you let out all your anger and frustration. you figured that having him as your listener was his way of showing comfort for you.

[THREE.2]

it was 4am. you and seonghwa have been drinking since 2am. why? you had a bad day and you felt rhe need to destress with some alcohol. seonghwa wouldn’t have allowed you to get drunk but he was apparently having a bad day too and felt like he wanted to get a little drunk to forget everything that day.

“dont you know how fucking stupid that is? it only happens to me. why?!” you groan as you take down another shot. seonghwa fills up your cup again.

“just forget them. they’re being idiots.” seonghwa whispers. you gap your mouth open and roll your eyes. “how can i forgot something like that?!” you shout angrily, slamming your hand on the table. seonghwa laughs in a lazy manner.

“you’re cute when you’re mad.”

“excuse me?” you tilt your head to the side, wondering if you heard seonghwa’s words clearly.

“nothing.” you shrug it off and shake your head.

“by the way..” you started off. seonghwa lifts his head up from the table and lets out a ‘hm?’

“why arent you telling me why you’re drinking? you don’t normally do this. you dont even let me drink unless its a special occasion. i rarely see you drunk.”

seonghwa raises both his eyebrows and sigh. “i had a bad day. but yours sounds worse so ill let you do all the ranting.” seonghwa starts playing with his shot glass, circling his index finger around its rim.

you clicked your tongue. “but its always been about me. you cook me my favourite meals, you do all the cleaning and you’re always here for me when im pissed. i feel bad about it..” you quickly glance at seonghwa. its the blushing again. you started to accept the fact that you had an effect on him, instead of avoiding the fact that he might have feelings for you.

“i guess im always doing those things because...” he leans forward over the table, getting close to your face. you start to grow nervous and your heart started beating quickly. you held a fist to your chest, breathing slowly to calm you down, but it failed. its the first time you’ve seem seonghwa like this. he looked... hot?

“do you know the answer?” seonghwa asks, tilting his head to the side as you watch his eyes glaze over you whole face as if he’s admiring every inch of it.

“no?” your breathing stopped for a moment when seonghwa gets even closer. this time, your noses were touching. seonghwa chuckles lowly. why did that sound so good all of a sudden?

“i know that you know. i wonder why you’re shying away.” seonghwa’s lips immediately connected with yours. you blinked your eyes rapidly as you tried to process the situation. you couldn’t hold back. his lips felt great against yours. its like all the worries that have been piling up in you have been washed away from a simple kiss.

who knew you’d get this close to your mysterious roommate? its a drastic start to a good relationship nonetheless.

[deadfutured]

Some not so important things:

Yes he does like his breakfast, no he doesn't like it interrupted, but also it's more that mornings before work tend to be the least chaotic time of the day since he wakes up at like 4am. When his day-to-day is like office work and not being called out to God-knows-where at the last minute.

When he's not off on an assignment, his job is to do intel gathering, office work at the DSO HQ like all that paperwork piling up in the inbox and taking care of e-mails and drinking 10 cups of coffee, but also training the rookies.

He has a lot of PTO. Like. A ridiculously illegal amount of PTO that he's had to actually get a cash out for it.

His dream is to retire to somewhere quiet and remote on an island and for no one to bother him ever. Maybe get a big dog, a german shepherd or a husky, and train it really well and maybe do that whole emotional support dog thing.

Or maybe just actually, uh, get a therapy dog.

Doesn't like medications. He's the worst about taking pain meds. He has to be in tears to take something stronger than aspirin.

Likes a good action movie. Over even a bad one so long as it's over the top and ridiculous. Don't recommend a horror movie or one of those zombie flicks. He tried to watch one of the "good ones" and had to call Claire just to calm down.

Has a religious yoga regiment and you shut up about it. Dont come crying to him because you hurt yourself from lack of stretching.

He sends stupid texts at stupid hours to Hunnigan who, not so kindly, tells him to go the fuck to sleep Kennedy.

Used to be kind of a doormat, especially with his s.o. sometimes still is. His personality can be different between his job life and his personal life. He puts forth an air of overconfidence to never, ever feel like that terrified young man in Raccoon City, and people buy into that. But he's really a lot softer than that.

[felicityfiction]

[bulletproof glass part 3] part 2

“choi san is dangerous”

those were the first words that hongjoong uttered after the fateful meeting in the warehouse. “maybe i underestimated him.”

yunho remembers hongjoong having a nightmare that night, ending with a loud shout of “YUNHO!” and the banging open of his door, a frenzied hongjoong barging in his room, gasping for air like someone was choking him. yunho remembers hongjoong startling him awake, only to have hongjoong gather him in his arms and mutter incomprehensible things into his ears while he just sat there, helpless and confused.

“they can’t take me, hyung. it’s okay. i’m here, i’m safe.”

a frantic shake of the head. “no, you’re not. i made you a target since the day i took you to see them. i shouldn’t have done that, but i couldn’t leave you alone.”

“i know, hyung. it’s alright. we’re okay. i can protect myself”

a muffled laugh. “as much as that gun is loaded, yunho, we both know you can‘t bring yourself to shoot.”

yunho purses his lips, drawing back and holding hongjoong at arms length. “i’ll shoot it if anyone threatens you, hyung. threatens us. you know that.”

hongjoong sighs, and wonders for the nth time why he brought this sweet soul into the tainted abyss of the underworld.

he sleeps much better after that, though, buried in 185cm of yunho.

“hello again, yunho ssi”

yunho, in his sleep deprived, coffee induced haze, barely recognises the person standing in front of him. “huh.” he manages to utter, sounding so incredibly dumb that even he himself winces. damn it, yunho. get it together

but then he realises he shouldn’t even be engaging with choi san, who’s holding a latte to his lips and grinning at him like they shared some kind of inside joke.

yunho thinks he should find a new cafe to frequent. he can’t keep being distracted by devilishly attractive mafia bosses while he‘s trying to work on his dissertation. shame, the coffee here is the best he’s had in a while.

“what do you want.” he sighs out, not bothering to try and intimidate san into going away. somehow,within three meetings, he already understands san more than most people do.

choi san cannot be cowed.

“like i said last time, nothing. just wanted to say hi. and good luck on whatever you’re doing, it looks difficult.” choi san hums, still staring at him, and yunho, much to his horror, finds the tips of his ears going hot.

san’s grin morphs into a smirk. “i told you before, yunho- we’ll probably be meeting a lot. and it’s probably to my benefit that you look cute almost all the time. even holding a gun.”

what is this guy‘s problem?!

yunho grits his teeth, willing himself to ignore the man. “i am busy. go away.”

“of course, of course. see you soon, cutie.” san winks, and to yunho’s horror, the blush on his ears creeps onto his cheeks.

“i hope not.”

“darling, we don’t always get what we want in life.” san chirps merrily, and yunho tenses. choi san is dangerous.

warning alarms go off in his head when san leans in closer, just like he did the last time they met. this time, yunho forces himself not to shrink away. he can’t shoot me in broad daylight. he’s a mafia boss, not an idiot.

“but i’m the exception. i always get what i want. and right now, jung yunho, i want you.”

yunho chokes on air, and san whirls around on his heels, strutting off, a satisfied smile decorating his chiseled features. making yunho flustered was his new favourite past time.

while yunho is still recovering, an employee brings out a piece of hazelnut cake and sets it on his table. yunho eyes it suspiciously. “sorry, i didn’t order that.”

“yes, but that gentleman just now did. told us to bring it to you. oh, and he left a message. enjoy, sir!”

a card is slipped onto his table, and yunho can’t resist.

eyeing the cake and gingerly picking up the fork with his left hand, he turns the card around with his right hand and blinks.

you intrigue me, jung yunho. hazelnut is your favourite right? i bet you’re wondering how i know, though the answer won’t surprise you. i’ll get to know you more, and maybe you’ll want me to know you too.

by the way, my name is san, since you never use it. here’s my number. i trust you won’t do anything with it, but maybe save it. i’ll see you again.

for gods’ sake. was a mafia boss flirting with him?

“san. what’s your intention with yunho?”

“god, seonghwa, you’ve asked me that so many times. i told you, he’s a bit of fun and amusement. such an innocent thing. maybe i want to ruin him. who knows? i just like messing with him.”

seonghwa pursed his lips, eyeing san cautiously while he spins in his leather chair behind his gigantic desk.

“there’s no time for amusement.”

you have to kill him.

“that’s where you are wrong, my dear stick in the mud.” san tuts at him. “there’s always time for fun, and jung yunho is the best fun i’ve had in a while.”

“usually you sleep with the fun on the first try.” seonghwa deadpans.

san laughs, and then contemplates. “true. but he knows me, knows what i am. he’ll take more effort, if i want to go there. but strangely, i’m not sure that’s what i even want out of him.”

“why do you care so much about him?” seonghwa bites his tongue, regretting his statement immediately when he sees san tense.

“i don’t. i’m just bored, seonghwa. don’t get anything screwed up inside your head.”

god, seonghwa wants to tell him so bad.

they’re going to make you kill him

stay away from him

i don’t want you to hurt

“i’ll have him soon. and then i won’t want him anymore, just like all the others.” san whirls around in his chair to face the window, the view of seoul greeting him. “they’re all so easy.”

seonghwa knows jung yunho isn’t easy. he’s not a toy, and he won’t fall for san.

at least, seonghwa hopes he won’t. he hopes that jung yunho is intelligent and cares enough about his own wellbeing to stay away from san. then maybe the elders would reconsider his target, and seonghwa won’t have to look hongjoong in the eye and tell him that his little brother is about to be killed-

seonghwa grips his phone tightly, standing outside an apartment smack in the middle of hongdae. he’s trying to decide whether or not to knock, when the door opens and decides for him.

kim hongjoong stands before seonghwa, in all the glory that one can at 4am in the morning.

“the fuck?” is the only thing he gets in lieu of a greeting.

seonghwa can’t help the little smile that crawls onto his face, or the little flame of warmth that blooms, just for a split second, in his heart.

this apartment is hongjoong’s secret hideout, away from all the filth and burden that he carries in his day to day life.

somehow, seonghwa has been let in on the secret.

“hey.” seonghwa manages, biting his lips to keep from spilling everything out.

“do you need something?” hongjoong’s voice is husky, and seonghwa feels slightly apologetic for waking him up. especially since he has no idea why he’s there, other than the fact that his feet took him there of their own accord.

so he decides to be honest. “wanted to see you. that’s all. i can go now.”

he doesn’t move, registering hongjoong’s slight widening of his eyes and the way he seems to be more alert.

god, if choi san knew how dangerous it was to be so, so attracted to the enemy, maybe he would stay away. but seonghwa is a hypocrite.

kim hongjoong is his biggest secret.

there’s a pale hand on his wrist, tugging him into the apartment, and seonghwa complies easily.

he has always, always been weak for kim hongjoong.

here, in this apartment, he tosses aside his persona as a senior member of the choi mafia, and hongjoong sheds the title of leader. at least for a while, they both pretend like they’re just normal people, enjoying each other’s company

and maybe they both secretly entertain the thought that they might be normal people, who don’t want to let each other go.

within each meeting on opposite sides, with the threat of dying ever present, hongjoong will never admit it, but he doesn’t think he could shoot seonghwa. or hurt him. or do anything besides gather the taller man into a tight embrace and press his lips against the tatoo on his neck. the insignia of his gang. maybe, if he kisses it hard enough,it will fade away and hongjoong can take him into his arms without feeling like he’s playing with fire.

there’s not supposed to be trust between them. but seonghwa bares his neck a bit more, and he knows he’s long gone , unable to stay away from hongjoong.

if it came down to it, they’d both shoot themselves before they would each other. of course, neither of them says that, because that would mean crossing a line that they couldn’t afford to. they’d trip over the web of strings and not be able to catch themselves. on the surface, they don’t speak of each other. but at night, seonghwa’s thoughts flit over to hongjoong automatically.

and seonghwa wants.

he wants so,so badly.

and he’s scared that san wants, too.

san, who covers for him silently and doesn’t use hongjoong as leverage against seonghwa. san, who has so much more on the line.

charming, seductive choi san, who wouldn’t be able to realise he’s in too deep because he thinks himself invincible and beyond attachment.

in hongjoong’s bedroom that night, buried under the sheets, seonghwa prays and prays, but he feels hopeless.

he’s always prayed to wake up the next day and still be here, next to hongjoong without a gun between them.

but tonight, he thinks of san.

there’s a mountainload of guilt in his chest. the knowledge that san will be tasked to kill, and seonghwa will be forced to choose between two sides of himself that have been clashing from the beginning

in his heart, seonghwa knows. he knows because he can read san like an open book. he’s grown up with san, and he feels suffocated at the thought that san doesn’t know himself as well as he thinks. san is plunging head first into the deep end.

san’s falling, and seonghwa might not be able to catch him.

A/N: i really didnt think this through. i dont know how i want the story to develop because i am an impatient prick who wants to get to the climax but can’t put together a good enough storyline to get there and shfhnfew i’m so frustrated

[nanabrainrot]

Is there anyway you can write a NSFW with Arthur? Like him coming back from being in Arkham and the reader noticing how more confident and rough he is now than he was before ? 💖

Of course! Here you go 😙 I made the reader a bit obsessive and unstable hope u dont mind uwu. This is a female reader but after practicing if you’d like a male version I can oblige! Sorry this blog is moving a bit slow my university is being a pain and I’m trying to do a lot at once! I hope u all understand please enjoy this work 💖 sorry for the wait again!

Arthur Fleck x F!Reader

Prior To

When Arthur was taken away, you knew well within you this would not be your last goodbye. Arthur was no Einstein, that may be true, but he was smart in a different way. Apparently, he was smart enough to escape Arkham Asylum, which you found out at about 4:44am, hearing some slunking around in your living room and nearly pissing yourself in fear that no one lived with you for some months and there was a burglar. You rolled over, onto Arthur’s side of the bed for the first time in a few weeks, and reaching a cautious hand under your bed to slip out a recently purchased metal baseball bat. You were no heavy hitter, but living alone was a frightening situation in Gotham, so a bat was a common household item to the solitary Gotham dweller.

The burglar, as far as you heard, was humming in your living room. Cocky asshat, you thought, stomach churning at the thought of facing some psycho outside your bedroom door. You heard them plop heavily on your sofa, lowly singing the lyrics to “Lollipop” by the Cordettes as they turned on a M*A*S*H special. “Is this cocksucker really holing up on my couch? Out of every couch in Gotham...?” you whispered so low you could barely hear yourself. People rarely spoke to you, no less ever heard you mention your spare key over your door frame in the hall; be it a risk, but there had to be a spare, in case at some point, at any point in your hopeful heart of hearts that Artie came home. You didn’t take him being taken away well, of course you cried hard, same as you wept when he confessed he killed three men on the night rail, when you watched Murray Franklin mock him, when you knew a part of Arthur was lost and would never be recovered, or, as some part of you thought, that this sick rendition of Arthur Fleck was a horrible facade of what he was meant to be. And that you foolishly fell for a man that was shy and sweet, and stayed in love with the very man who became the opposite.

Before he left to go to the Murray Franklin Show, you made love, as you stupidly called it. When he touched you, you could feel he loved you, adored you, was enamoured with the curve of your neck as his hand tightened around your throat, as he fucked you raw in the doorway where he killed Randall (where you told him to shower and bleached the tile and cut raw flesh the first time and spit in the garbage bag you put him in for pestering your Arthur, your sweetheart Artie). He was growing into himself more. After he left for Murray, you were not there to see the end result of Joker. You still refuse to call him by that name. You may love Joker, but he was not the man you fell in love with years ago. That was a special love. That was a love you often hoped to feel again.

The bat was cold in your grip, your hands brandishing it so tightly your knuckles were scary white. You could kill a man if you wanted. You had never laid a hand on anyone. The only sick thing you ever did was be an accomplice for Artie. You didn’t feel much when you put a meat cleaver through Randall’s thighs, grunting with stress as “I Love Lucy” blasted through the apartment, a little lower in volume than Arthur singing in the shower, “I’m singing in the raaaiinnn!” You could kill a man if you wanted. You could kill a man if you wanted. You could kill a man if you wanted. You could kill a man if you wanted —

SLAM

The door was wide open and you burst into the living room, bat behind your head, ready to concave some sick fuck’s skull, but, of all things, you were not ready to see him. Him of all people. Your Arthur Fleck of every man in Gotham to sit, unphased, legs wide and bearing some random sweats you’ve never seen him wear, gray and outlining his semihard cock. His shirt is tossed on the back on your new sofa, an addition to your redecorating of your apartment since he left — was taken from you, he didn’t leave, he’d be crazy to fucking leave you of all people.

You stood there blankly. The stance of a warrior with a bat behind their head was gone, replaced with a meek and lost person, calm arms just — holding a baseball bat there. Not a thought in your head had passed. Was this a dream? Another dream like that one almost every night where you pushed the thought of Arthur away all day to dream of him all night and wake up shaking at 4am again, sweaty and sniffling on a pillow wet with tears. When Arthur was taken, you wallowed in shitty pity for a week or two before literally forcing yourself to do anything but think of him, some things were unhealthy and scary but a lot of healthy hobbies came of it. You ignore the time you were so angry with the world that you sat in your room, thinking of a way to fucking murder Hoyt or go and buy a shotgun with your paycheck’s leftovers.

The bat clattered to the ground and you dove into his lap, leaping over your nice new coffee table, organized to the T with a nice assortment of magazines (hidden under the log cabin homes one were about 7 gun magazines. Fantasizing. Fantasizing), sending magazines and the clean ashtray (that was left unused for months without him) to the floor. He catches you, letting out a happy cackle, grabbing and jostling your bodies side to side as you hugged, nuzzling your head into his neck, gripping him so close you wish you would fuse together so you wouldn’t have to part.

“Someone miss me, huh?” he giggles, his hair in his eyes as you grabbed at his face to cup it and feel every inch of his skin — oh how you missed just looking at his handsome face all day long. “A little... or a lot. Okay, like a lot a lot,” you grinned hard at him, drinking up every bit of his face smiling back at you. You loved just feeling him which may have been a big part of why your separation made you so volatile. Every night you slunk into his arms, never more a foot away if you could help it, like a loyal dog. And then every night, as tired as the day made you both, you, no more and no less, made love. Every single night. Often in the mornings, a habit you never seemed to shake as you lived with that gnawing anxiety that he could die any day and you wouldn’t touch him before he left.

His hands, calloused and big, scraped as your sides, expressions softened and glazed with an emotion you recall seeing on his face often: love. Not lust as it was many nights, but love. It just looked... different this time. You understood in a way. Watched him become some weird alternate to what he was like when you first met, when you first made love, timid and quiet, in the dark to a scratchy love song on a record. Frank Sinatra’s “That Old Black Magic” as he panted in your ear then sloppily kissed you hard as he filled you with cum.

“Take this shirt off, dear,” he purrs, leaning back to watch you eagerly pull it over your head. Your new graphic tee is added to the pile of disgarded coffee table items, beside the gun magazine and covering the ashtray, and you sit on his lap, staring him down with a bare heaving chest like this desperation was truly comparable to dying if you didn’t ride his dick in two minutes to the T. “Shorts off,” he growls with a stupid smirk. You stand up, nearly tripping over the scattered items as you hurry to tear off the shorts. You stood there nude, eyes wild and hair ruined by your tossing and turning from another nightmare.

You didn’t move yet, didn’t climb into his lap for comfort after not just a long day, week, or month, but God knows how long. You just stared at him, nude, face lit only from the light of the television behind you, the laugh track ringing in your ears. You could look at Arthur for a week straight and it still wouldn’t be enough; so you stared at the dark brown hair that was a bit greasy, glossed over green eyes, the rough stubble that had some grays poking through, and relished in the fact that he was all yours.

“Can I take off your pants, Arthur?” you asked timidly. He grinned a broad smile at you and nodded, eyes following you slinking to your knees on the floor, shaking like a leaf, waiting to wake up at 4am in a lonesome bed as another rainy day taunts you with the knowledge another day passed without Arthur Fleck. Instead, the cotton of his sweatpants lulled down as your hands tugged it down, staring at his cock as it sprung upwards, his cheap boxers lowered with the gray sweatpants. You look up at him, the real Arthur, your real Arthur, and spit up a forced, “May I lick it?”

His hand strings through your hair and pulls your hair back, exposing the goosebumps on your neck, and grits a dark, “Beg first, baby.” And you do. You grovel at him with big pleading eyes, leaning your head on his right thigh, gawking at his pulsing cock and close enough that your breath hits it. “Please, Artie. I’m begging you to let me suck your dick. You can fuck my throat dry, cum in eye, whatever, let me suck it, Arthur, please.” It sounds like a weak, deprived sob when you say it, like a man begging for water after a week lost in the Sahara. When your eyes glance up, he looks down at you with such happy eyes you almost feel like this groveling is ingrained in you, an essential to your guide to loving Arthur Fleck: hand him the power. Give Arthur the leash and let him yank on it like a submissive dog, like he’s your fucking owner.

The sound of his feet removing themselves from the pool of fabric and you feel some force as he pushes your head back off him, leaving you sitting up and heaving like you’re on fire. He lies down, his head on the arm of the loveseat, the ankles of his feet on the opposite arm of loveseat. His hand is moving up and down his cock and he lulls his head to the left, to look at you and the television before licking his lips and prompting, “Suck it while you sit on my face. I’m just starving, babydoll.” And you oblige, eager to please, bumbling clumsily as you prop your calves against the arm his head rests upon and lower yourself, just a bit to stare at it, memorize it, recall the way it felt in and out of you in his red suit in the doorway before he was sent to Arkham. The memorization comes to an end when you feel a tongue lick from your clit to your hole. The groan leaves you before you realize this is real, this is realer than real, this wasn’t some sick dream that left you high and dry.

As he buries his tongue in you, you wrap your lips around his cock, spitting some saliva on it to wet it for you. Often, oral was a brief foreplay before you two couldn’t stand it and made brutal love, fucking like if you could get any closer you’d just become one and never have to be separate again. Unfortunately, feeling him burying his face in your folds and feeling him in your throat for the first time in so long, you popped his length out of your mouth and begged, tears in your eyes, “Fuck’s sake Arthur, please just shove it in me!” The waiting game always left you a sore loser.

He chuckles into your cunt, giving it one last, long lick, and instructing, “Ride me then. Ride me like the last time we did this, babydoll.” He meant rough. The last time you rode him you could practically feel your cervix bruising, hands so tight on his shoulders they were a hue of purple the next morning, and crying as you both made lengthy eye contact because a part of you felt that time would be the last time the man you fell in love with would be that close to you. It hurt to remember because, in that moment, you were right.

And now, you rode him, gripping his shoulders so hard they would be a purple hue the next morning, his eyes blown wide as his hand smacked your ass with a force that would leave the skin raw. When you took each other’s virginity years ago, he shook like an autumn leaf, still fragile to the touch and ready to crumple at any moment, and now you made love to a man that was fresh out of Arkham for a completely different reason. You felt your cervix being pummeled; the uncomfortable feeling of it fed into the reality, the vast difference of your fanciful dreams. You love him and he loves you, you love each other with the same love of an alcoholic loving his Grey Goose and at the same time the love of a woman and her garden. Tender and simultaneously implosive. And God forbid this beautiful disaster ever ends.

“I love you! I love you! I love you, Arthur!” you cry out, coming to the brink as he holds your hips so tight you fear he may break you and his hips ram into yours as the ending of the 2nd re-run of your television show plays in the back. “I missed you, babydoll,” he grins slyly, something devious in his eye as his grip tightened to a vice grip and his pace slowed, “and I missed this too.”

He cums inside you. The next episode’s opening plays. The deja vu hits you like a semi and this moment wakes you from a coma. (Bittersweet) You kiss him gently and he kisses you back gently. The first actually tender motion of the night. He loves you under the facade of aggression, as he fucked you like a dog trying to impregnate a bitch in heat.

That was the first of many differences when Arthur Fleck comes home.

When you wake up, it isn’t 4am, the bed isn’t empty, and the rain isn’t the boring drizzle but a raging lightning storm that the forecast predicts will run all day. As you stare out the window, Arthur’s grasp tightens as a sore reminder you both missed one another and you didn’t want to know who missed the other more because if he missed you as much as you missed him then you might as well cry until Hell freezes over. He can do whatever he wants to your body as a brutalizing reminder that you’d sift through years in purgatory if it means coming home to Joker Arthur every night.

Your Arthur isn’t the man he was and some days it is more okay than others.

[notyobabygirl]

hey girl! this will be long i’m so sorry 🥺

i’ve gained weight since quarantine started which is also around the time i started dating my bf. we eat out a few days a week and i get 0 exercise now. my days consist of me waking up around 8am, babysitting until 5pm, going to my bf’s house until 1am, coming home & spending the rest of my night watching my shows and snacking until i go to bed around 2/3/4am. growing up my weight would fluctuate a lot: in elementary school i was chubby, in middle school i magically lost it all and was skinny, freshman/sophomore year of hs i was a literal twig and super unhealthily skinny, junior year i gained a little weight but was still skinny, and senior year (last year also when i first met my bf) was probably the best my body has been. it’s funny because last year i thought i was fat and was insecure but now looking back, i was literally perfect and i would kill to look like that again. i see how easy it was for me to gain weight over the years and i want to make a change in my habits so bad but with my schedule and with gyms being closed where i live it’s hard. i’m gonna try to not make excuses though lol but my issue is once i start, i want to see the results asap or i get really unmotivated. ik a girl from my school who has lost 70lbs since last year and she posted a tiktok about it and it made me feel better like i could do it. i have a weird relationship with food though. i would literally starve myself in 8,9,10th grade and now i love food and i actually have an appetite. my weight gain has also caused me to be insecure in my relationship. i’m constantly wondering if my bf is less attracted to me or if he notices it. he’s never mentioned it but i have to admit i was so much hotter when he first met me than i am now. and all his past girls that ik of are relatively skinny and i think about that too and compare myself :/ in the back of my mind i know i’m really insecure about gaining weight but i usually don’t let it get to me. but tonight i decided i wanted to ‘see what i look like from someone else’s view’ so i set up my phone using flash and the back camera and turned/posed so i could see how my body looked. i actually did a few of these videos (i was wearing a tight cropped tank top and baggy sweats). and i feel so disgusted by myself. i knew i gained weight but i looked like a whale from certain views. most of the weight i gained went to my tummy and arms sadly. from behind my arms/shoulders look so fat and my stomach is the biggest it’s ever been. most people wouldn’t consider me “fat” but i feel huge. i want to start good habits (eat better, exercise more, etc) but i don’t know where to start or how long i’ll last. i know it’ll be worth it in the end but i need motivation right now to even begin. i’m so sorry that was a literal book to read, but it would mean a lot if you had any tips on staying motivated, how i can eat healthier and exercise while having such a strict schedule? i don’t necessarily want to “diet” and the amount of information that is out there on eating habits and working out is so confusing. like everyone says different things and contradict each other that idk what i exactly should do to reach my goals. i want to lose general weight (especially in my tummy and arms) and overall be more confident and happy. thank you 🤍 sorry again for the length of this!

hi hi! well first of all I dont think your boyfriend got any less attracted to you at all! boys are also pretty oblivious. dont worry about what he thinks because its not important. he loves you for you and clearly if he has never even said anything then that proves my point even more! also wanna say I have taken self timer pictures of my body and I was mortified too lol. like I swear it made me look 10x worse than I did so dont look too much into the pictures. adding exercise into your diet will help so if you want to wake up before babysitting (I dont blame you if you dont lol) then that would be a great way to start the morning and get it over with. but If you dont then after babysitting take an hour to go to the gym or do workouts at home. to lose weight you need to be in a calorie deficient. if you do little to no activity during the day and just eat shit all day then it will catch up with you (it did to me beginning of the year). dedicate ATLEAST 30 minutes into doing something. I have been so into walking for an hour and listening to podcasts, its like my fav things. eating healthy is the most important part though, tell your boyfriend you are eating healthy and you will go with him to get food but you won't always get something or you will find the healthiest option. growing up I always thought that eating healthy means eating gross foods but eating healthy can be soooo yummy. tik toks really helped me find recipes as well as going on Pinterest or even just going to the grocery store and experimenting. buy healthy snacks, veggies, skinny pop, halo top, hummus, rice cakes and pb, fruits, frozen fruit, smoothies. that helped me start losing weight and replacing unhealthy foods with good healthy ones. the grocery store is like the first step and getting into that mindset like ok im going to eat healthy is important. you know you can do it, anyone can do it. you just have to be ok with saying no to eating out and stuff. drink sooo much water, I have a 40oz hydro flask and I think I drink close to like 2 gallons not kidding. also tea!! I love tea so much. If you dont buy the junk food then you cant eat it! I know you can do this, you got this!!!!!!