#that essek would go down with them
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An interesting aspect of Laudna and Imogen's relationship and how it has developed is the fact that they got together early in their campaign, long before either of them had any chance to work through their respective issues. Vax confessed his feelings for Keyleth early on (relatively so; c1 had been going for a while before it started streaming), but she explicitly turned him down at the time, and they didn't actually get together until she felt she was ready, later in the campaign. Percy and Vex didn't get together until after Percy had worked through his figurative and literal inner demons. Jester and Fjord didn't get together until he had moved away from Uk'otoa and his self-worth issues, and she from her romanticized ideas of romance. Yasha and Beau didn't become a couple until both of them had moved away from their self-destructive tendencies and Yasha had let go of Zuala and Beau of Jester. Caleb and Essek didn't get together until the epilogue, when Caleb finally let go of the past and embraced the future.
When Laudna and Imogen got together, Laudna was at one of her lowest points (and has since started digging), having just invited Delilah back in, and Imogen was (is) still struggling against the temptation of Predathos. While Imogen has since gone great strides in growing, Laudna has regressed, using her feelings for Imogen as an excuse to further give in to Delilah to protect her. She's too bogged down by her own self-worth issues to uphold a healthy relationship, and keeps hurting Imogen by hurting herself, not realizing how or why this upsets Imogen.
And I can't help but wonder, would Percy and Vex's relationship have been as destructive had they gotten together before or during the Briarwoods arc? Jester and Fjord if they got together during the pirates arc? Yasha and Beau if they got together before or just after Obann, when they were both self-destructing massively? Caleb and Essek if they got together while they were still low-key manipulating and honeypotting each other for information?
But even without the romance, Laudna and Imogen likely wouldn't have escaped the situation they're now in. They started out already kind of co-dependent, and remind me of Vax & Vex and Caleb & Nott in that way. But whereas the twins and Caleb and Nott's arcs had them learn to question each other and embrace love for other people rather than isolate themselves, Imogen and Laudna has only gotten more entrenched in each other's issues, and more unwilling to push each other to grow.
#critical role#cr3#cr3 spoilers#imogen temult#laudna#not sure if i'm going anywhere specific with this. they just intrigue me#at this point it feels equally likely for them to end things amicably/work things out and get the cottagecore ending/tragically selfdestruc#i should point out that i love this shit. messy relationships my beloved#nella talks cr#imodna#southern gothic
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I love that Caleb does not ever seem to take opportunities to take any kind of "this might be the last moment I have" actions. No matter what, when everyone else is going around and making their desperate moves, Caleb doesn't. Even after he recommends otherwise to others, it is notable that he among the group doesn't do so, and this is consistent with his previous behavior.
I like to think that stems from the moment he opted against trying to work with Trent—which I think, at its core, was an attempt at such an action. If Caleb had died fighting the Somnovem, he had every reason to believe that Trent would continue in his actions. Though Astrid and Eadwulf were willing to subtly undermine him, they had made it clear that they were not willing to challenge him outright. Caleb tells the Nein, when they are discussing their last wishes at the Blooming Grove before returning to Eiselcross, that he would appreciate Trent being eliminated in the event of his death. I have to believe that there was a fear or regret that his dearest motivations would not come to fruition which spurred his interest in using an alliance with him in Aeor to trap and kill him.
I've mentioned elsewhere that I believe Essek's willingness to disagree with him was one of the factors in Caleb being able to trust him and his judgment, but I would also argue it was a wake-up call for Caleb—about letting himself be distracted; about not focusing in on the mission at hand; about, potentially, expecting failure in this goal, especially after he has watched his friends say their goodbyes as if they too expect to die. "Stay on task, Widogast," is a mantra he uses in Vergessen, but he does get caught up, to an extent, in enacting as much damage as he can to the place in the process, and regardless of whether this ruthless assault slowed or sped their discovery, Trent did catch up to them, and very nearly caught Veth and Jester as well as himself. Given Caleb's fears throughout the campaign that he will draw the danger that dogs him onto his newfound friends, and his later apology to Essek in the same conversation for drawing Trent's attention to him, it is not a stretch to argue that this is yet another guilt he shoulders.
It isn't lost on me that Caleb almost died before the Nein even met, he was perpetually aware of his fragility among the group, and he was the last member of the Nein to go down and need to be revived. So I just think it's very fun if he, who so often seemed to be on the verge of death, who in fact planned to step back in history and in the process erase the person he had become, found himself at some point determined to live, and firmly confident in his ability to do so.
He does not wrap up his affairs, he does not say goodbyes, and while he may acknowledge the stakes for the group, he does not entertain the idea that he personally will not make it out alive—because, as Dorian notes, he has a lot to live for. He has to get back home to his partner and his well-maintained garden; he has to make sure the Cerberus Assembly's nefarious schemes do not continue in Ludinus's absence, perhaps even in the absence of the Assembly itself, depending on what its members do in its wake; he probably has to go egg on his godson's shenanigans as payback for Veth threatening to shoot him out of the sky.
Caleb Widogast is an absolute cockroach of a wizard, and, in true Mighty Nein form, he is at all times thriving on unfinished business.
#cr spoilers#critical role#caleb widogast#cr meta#I JUST THINK IT'S GREAT IF HE DECIDED HE IS GOING TO LIVE DAMMIT#HE'S COME SO FAR HE'S DOING SO GOOD#anyway fun fact I was trying to work on this during the cable sequence and had to fucking stop cuz I was laughing so hard
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How much did Caleb Widogast’s heart ache for Mollymauk? How much did he truly love Tealeaf, that he was the person to both bury him and get on his hands and knees to dig up his grave with his bare hands all these months later??
Caleb Widogast dug Molly’s grave. He was the one who dug him back up. With his bare hands, on his knees. Having no qualms about disturbing Molly's grave because, "I'm already going to hell anyway"--the implication that Caleb believes he's already damned, beyond salvation. But Mollymauk was still worth saving.
Caleb buried him with a letter, telling Molly to come find them if he wakes, daring to dream of the impossible, "The man dug his way out of a grave once, if he is to be believed...He's done it once, maybe he will do it again. Do we stay here, do we try to find...? I don't, I--I have read of miracles..." How much it tormented Caleb to have to leave Molly behind.
Several months pass. Jester offers to resurrect Caleb's own parents--the one thing he's always wanted--and he still asks her if she could bring back Mollymauk instead. Dreaming of the possibility of reunion, being the most vocal of all the Nein to push for a resurrection, "[This] could be a conversation, or a reunion." And Jester--always so earnest and full of hope--still tries to temper his expectations, to make sure he doesn't get his heart broken if Mollymauk doesn't return to them.
The Nein feeling entirely at a loss, directionless. Hopeless and heartbroken in Aeor. Jester drawing a card from Molly's tarot deck for guidance, for some bit of comfort after Lucien's coldness. It's pure luck, just chance, but the card she draws is the Magician. "The Magician. So, Molly drew this card for you, Caleb. It looks like you." Caleb seeing that, seeing himself drawn in Molly's hand, and everything falls into place.
He knows where he needs to be. "I have been trying to make sense of everything that's happened in the last few weeks--every day--and I am not seeing it. But...I know that we're supposed to go where Molly is. Otherwise, we would not have seen the things we've seen. We wouldn't be the Mighty Nein."
He dreamed of “reunion,” went all the way to Cognouza because saving Mollymauk was worth it. Always knew where this road was going to lead. "Why did we come this far, if not for this?" "But what if...? Why did we go so far, and fight so hard?" Caleb pleading with Mollymauk's caged soul again and again, begging for him to hold on, to keep fighting. He wasn't beyond hope, they could still save him. "Please don't give up. You can find your own life again. There will be time for that later."
"That wasn't me," Lucien vehemently insists, his will still trying to dominate Caleb's in this world of sheer dreams and manifestation, endless possibilities. "He's gone, and you will all die and join me." "Bullshit," Caleb says, and keeps resisting him again and again, keeps shattering his control. And he pays dearly for it. Lucien kills Caleb for his endless loyalty to Molly, for daring to still try and save him. Caleb, who breaks through Lucien's control again and again, who has the most profound effect on him and Molly when it all comes crashing down.
"He's gone. Let him go. Let it all go..." The last Eye Lucien branded him with--it appears right over Caleb's heart. Did Lucien do that just to spite him, as a way to try and shut out Molly's feelings--
Essek never knew Mollymauk in life, didn't have to grieve him after all the pain Lucien caused. But when he sees Caleb say goodbye, watches Caleb return that forehead kiss from so long ago--sees how much Caleb loves him--that's what makes Essek break down. "Essek gets up in a huff, walks about twenty feet away," storms off and cries over the unfairness of it all, over seeing Caleb and the rest of the Nein lose someone so dear to them.
Of course Caleb is the one who limps to Molly’s side in the end and casts the ritual to resurrect him. Tealeaf reeling from Greater Restoration, wakes in a daze and goes, "Oh...I was having the nicest dream..." And it's Caleb who reaches out to him--asks his name, tries to help him stay grounded. Caleb being the one to assure Kingsley that, "Well, first of all, you are among friends." The way King replies, with absolute certainty, "I know."
Caleb continually holding out a hand to Kingsley, asking him to stay. "Well, let's take him at his word. Perhaps this is your first time meeting us. It's our second time--third time--meeting you. Stick with us." Assuring him that he'll always have a place with the Nein, that Caleb is happy to have him back--whoever he comes to be. That Tealeaf will still always be theirs. "We have a habit of taking in strays." Kingsley being so easily charmed by Caleb and flirting with his Magician immediately, falling so quickly for this person who gave everything to bring him home.
It was always going to be Caleb. He didn’t stop dreaming of getting Molly back from the moment he put him in the ground. He was never going to let him go—
#caleb widogast#mollymauk tealeaf#widomauk#kingsley#they are...really soulmates in every life huh...makes my whole heart ache--#im so sorry this was supposed to be shorter. but caleb is just so dedicated to saving molly and feels so passionately#about him that it just makes it too hard to narrow down every example--#but also. shoutout to yasha turning to caleb and asking him 'is there nothing we could do? caleb?' shes. she molly's best friend.#shes his Love. she's been with him the longest. and when the ritual fails. when she's ready to give up hope--she turns to caleb for help#looks to him to save molly. she...she knew if anyone could. it'd be him. that....means so much--
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can we. can we talk about how in the final lucien fight, Essek failed to resist the slow effect from one of the eyes (he rolled two natural 1s in a row). canonically, he was weighed down with with so much shame and guilt that he could barely move—the same guilt that he is seriously considering going back in time to undo—and he didn’t use his fortune’s favor reroll to try to alleviate it.
but he did expend his mote of possibility when he struggled to pull Caleb out from under a building. no hesitation.
so. so. was he saving his fortune’s favor for the mighty nein? had he already decided not to use it for himself?
homeboy really said “I would break the world to undo my sins, but I will bear them if it means you survive.”
#‘I don’t fool myself into thinking I will absolve myself of those things#but I think that if I do enough I can at least carry it more easily.’#‘I have taken your lessons to heart.’#now flip it and reverse it#more late night wizard posting with eve#critical role#essek thelyss#caleb widogast#shadowgast#I was intending this to be about Essek caring for his friends#and not specifically about sg#but what can I say#the wizards have had an indelible effect on each other#late night wizard posting#eve talks
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I'm not sure that Astrid's, like, more risk-adverse temperament would be down for this, and I generally think that Matt would not be up for juggling multiple NPCs attached to the party over time since the suggestion seems to be that Essek is going to be sticking around for a little bit, but like, god, I really want Astrid to come with them to Aeor too, PLEASE bring Astrid with you
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If Essek is working with the Cobalt Soul now, that means Beau had to either
A. Lie, either fully or partially, to the Cobalt Soul higher ups about the fact that "Seth" is actually a Kryn noble who betrayed the Dynasty to help the Assembly, which the Cobalt Soul is meant to be a watchdog over
B. Tell them the full truth, which would require explaining that the beacon exchange was under false pretenses
I really want to know how that all went down. I imagine they told the truth and it took Beau a long time to find the best way to go about it
But Essek and Beau are also not exactly the type of people who would be above thinking they could get away with a lie on that scale, and I think it would be very funny for them to try
#my headcanon is that they were trying to plot out an elaborate lie and caduceus had to talk them out of it#essek thelyss#cr campaign 2#beauregard lionett#cr spoilers#critical role spoilers#cr campaign 3
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re: an earlier ask, what are your gripes with lifespan angst? at worst I'm, like, mildly uninterested, but I don't have many strong opinions on it - curious to see if you might convince me otherwise.
My core issue with lifespan angst is that it tends to go hand in hand with fandoms' disregard for second (or third, or fourth) loves - people really lean hard into the idea that you get ONE soulmate and if they die young you are tragically alone forever to grieve, instead of embracing two truths: first, lots of people lose partners very young in real life. One of my grandmothers outlived her husband (my grandfather, who died when I was about a year old) by over twenty years, and he didn't die terribly young. I know multiple people, including a relative, who lost a fiance in their late 20s or early 30s. The idea of outliving a partner by decades is totally normal in our real world and to act like this is a world-shattering epic tragedy instead of one of the many smaller, realer, and more complicated tragedies that exist in real life is in my opinion quite childish, melodramatic, and ultimately not as interesting as the truth.
To that point I think a lot of people who are super into lifespan angst are just...people who are more interested in romantic angst than character or story, and see characters as like, an epi-pen injector of The Feels instead of as interesting concepts moving throughout a realized world, and their writing suffers as a result.
I also feel it's often grafted onto relationships that don't really have them. The reason Keyleth is exempted is because she has SUCH a long lifespan AND she thinks about this in canon, which makes sense, because she becomes a L20 Druid at age like, 23, and then her partner IMMEDIATELY dies very young! But like...Caleb and Essek? I would imagine they are very realistic about Caleb's lifespan vs. Essek's, particularly since Essek comes from a culture where this is extremely common (and half elves in the Empire aren't rare either; I don't know if Caleb thought about it personally but culturally, elf and human relationships are normal). I also found a lot of the people who were like "omg lifespan angst" seem to think that like, age 50 is decrepit; and for Caleb and Essek they tended to sort of not consider the possibility of nonmonogamy even though Caleb canonically has been in a poly relationship. Like it feels it's almost always comorbid with other bad takes, in addition to being a bad take itself.
Mildly uninterested is not a bad way to be; I tend towards strong opinions for better or for worse, and if your attitude is more go with the flow that is probably a good trait to have, but yeah, it just. takes relationships I really enjoy and distills them down into something reductive and weird and often ageist and overly afraid of talking about death and finding new love again, and I love talking about death and loss and grief in a way that isn't cheap angst but is actually real.
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okay updated mighty nein as crane wives songs list, with youtube-only songs, b3yond, and an improved understanding of the characters
Safe Ship, Harbored
Can’t Have It All
Beauregard Lionett
Diving Bell
Jester Lavorre
New Colors
Mollymauk Tealeaf
Caleb Trask
all of them.
Counting Sheep
Jester Lavorre
Hole in The Silver Lining
Caleb Widogast & Beauregard Lionett. it comes with them being parallels
Safe Ship, Harbored
Caleb Widogast
Naked, the Night Falls
i still have no idea for this one
Ancient History
Lucien + the Tealeafs
October
Yasha Nydoorin
The Crooked, The Cradle
Another one that’s all of them.
I Ain’t Done
originally this was caleb but i think i was wrong
The Fool in Her Wedding Gown
Icarus
Mollymauk Tealeaf
Steady, Steady
Veth Brenatto
Easier
Veth Brenatto/Nott the Brave
Shallow River
Yasha Nydoorin
Strangler Fig
Yasha Nydoorin
The Glacier House
no clue
Tongues and Teeth
Caleb Widogast
Back to the Ground
all of them. Fjord maybe. or perhaps caleb.
Show Your Fangs
Beauregard Lionett
Once & for All
Astrid Becke, Eadwulf Grieve, Bren Ermendrud
Canary in a Coal Mine
either jester or molly. leaning toward jester but i think having it as molly would have some comedic value in the “makes you cry” sort of humor
How to Rest
all of them
Foxlore
Nothing at All
Caduceus Clay
I Talk in My Sleep
either jester or nott. am open to suggestions
Down the River
Beauregard Lionett
Ribs
i think beauregard. or perhaps yasha
Can’t Go Back
Caleb Widogast
Curses
Mollymauk Tealeaf
Turn out the Lights
Fjord (or perhaps caduceus. uncertain but i think fjord)
Pretty Little Things
Astrid Becke
Know How
Veth Brenatto/Nott the Brave
Not the Ghost
yasha or caleb
The Garden
Essek Thelyss
Coyote Stories
Keep You Safe
Caleb Widogast
The Moon Will Sing
unsure
Allies or Enemies
mmmmmm im not sure
Unraveling
Nott the Brave/Veth Brenatto
Hard Sell
Jester Lavorre
Rockslide
i don’t know on this one
Metaphor
Fjord Stone
The Hand That Feeds
Caleb Widogast
Little Soldiers
Astrid Becke and Eadwulf Grieve and Caleb Widogast
Sleeping Giants
Fjord Stone
Of Everlong
Yasha Nydoorin
Never Love an Anchor
Veth Brenatto
New Discovery
Kingsley Tealeaf
The Singles
Bonebreaker
i’m not sure honestly. perhaps beauregard?
Margaret
literally no idea
Scarecrow Bones
the Clay family
High Horse
Essek Thelyss
Empty Page
Veth Brenatto
Take Me to War
Caleb Widogast & Beauregard Lionett
Volta
Beauregard Lionett & Yasha Nydoorin
Daydreamer
Caleb Widogast
Here I Am
Beauregard Lionett
Hollow Moon
Caleb Widogast
Sowing Seeds
Beauregard Lionett
Taking Turns
Veth and Yeza Brenatto
Drown You Out
either caleb or yasha depending on how you interpret the song.
More Time
Caduceus Clay
The Well
Yasha Nydoorin
Live From the Listening Room
Nobody
still unsure
Queen of Nothing
Essek Thelyss
The Wolf
Caleb Widogast
Beyond Beyond Beyond
Scars
it works for caleb or lucien and i don’t know which one i like better
Bitter Medicine
Nott the Brave
Higher Ground
im not sure honestly. yasha maybe?
Predator
i wanna say caleb but something is making me not want that to be certain
Say It
fuck if i know, tbh this is probably my least favorite in the album
Mad Dog
the issue is it could be all of them at certain story points
Arcturus Beaming
Caduceus Clay
Time Will Change You
Caleb Widogast
Black Hole Fantasy
see they don’t have a lot of songs that are so explicitly (and positively) romantic which means idk if my urge to beauyasha this is out of bias or out of a real connextion
Red Clay
Yasha Nydoorin
River Rushing
Beauregard Lionett
the original list, bonebreaker, margaret, scarecrow bones, and more time
none of these are set in stone, and i will take suggestions
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Highly Specific Aus!

This week, we have eight highly specific AUs - Alternate Universes that move away from the common tropes we love - often towards things that the authors have put a lot of experience and thought into. Check them out beneath the cut, and as always - feel free to comment or kudos if you like them!
when the lights go out by 06151126 (27307, Teen) Reccer's Content Notes: panic attacks, self destructive behavior
The formula one racecar AU
Reccer says: Perfect characterization and backstory in a completely different world - this is what AUs are all about
This sudden burst of sunlight, and me with my umbrella by Criticalpancake (63817, Teen) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes
The Mighty Nein are orchid thieves. Essek is still a traitor
Reccer says: Orchid theives! It's fascinating and something I would have never thought of
I’ve been lost before (and I’m lost again, I guess) by toneofjoy (165080, Explicit) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes
Essek ran away from his problems and settled in the seaside city of Nicodranas. When Caleb Widogast joins their team at the Tidepeak rock-climbing gym, everything changes. Caleb has plans to take down his old coaches, and Essek has secrets. (It’s the Shadowgast climbing AU.)
Reccer says: Its still the first fic I think of when I think of amazing fics built on an unexpected premise. Absolutely phenomenal writing
More Things in Heaven and Earth by kaeda (76998, Explicit) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes
Caleb and Essek wake up and find themselves teleported into the alternate universe of the trashy smut novel, Tusk Love
Reccer says: Some of the best Crack Treated Seriously I've ever read 💜
Wishing Coin by Luckyowlsfoot (45913, Teen) Reccer's Content Notes: Graphic Depictions of Violence
Magical Highschool/Academy where Caleb and Essek are secretly dragons
Reccer says: Interesting concept and fun Worldbuilding
the fire kept closest (burns most of all) by mousecookie (21822, Mature) Reccer's Content Notes: Major Character Death
Essek is a Volcanologist. Caleb used to be as well, but now he's something a bit different.
Reccer says: I absolutely adore this fic
resonance broadening by toneofjoy (51665, Mature) Reccer's Content Notes: None
It’s SG as labmates who hate each other: they’re tired, sassy, and secretly enamored.
Reccer says: Beautiful and Lovely with lots of sass between Caleb and Essek. Great if you ever went to grad school
some branch of stars we see by SongOfWizardry (4680, Teen) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes, WIP
A Mighty Nein and/or Shadowgast Teaching AU.
Reccer says: Teaching AUs aren't exactly rare, but the amount of detail put into this AU that is clearly based on the author's experience elevates it to highly specific
Aeor is for Lovers is an 18+ Shadowgast Discord server. The above fanfic recommendations were pulled from our community for this weekly event. All fics, unless otherwise specified, will primarily feature Shadowgast. Have any questions about what this is? Check out the FAQ! Next week, we’ll be back with Kink Negotation!
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Critical role spoilers ahead! Up to C3 ep 94!
Alright, something that's been brewing in my head for a bit and I think I can finally put into words is how much I love that Ludinus is being taken down by the consequences of all is cruel and heartless decisions.
The people that are working the hardest to take him down and coming the closest to succeeding aren't Vasselheim and it's temples, priests and Paladins.
It's people like Orym, who wouldn't have sacrificed this much, wouldn't have been this focussed and this determined if he still had a husband to return to and a home that still felt like peace.
It's people like Imogen, who has missed her mom since she was a child and came looking for her, only to find her being manipulated by a cult leader that uses people and then discards them when they're no longer usefull to him.
It's the Bells hells in general, who wouldn't have been clued in on just how ruthless the ruby vanguard is if Otohan hadn't left 3 of them dead in the dirt.
It's people like Keyleth, who had her people attacked for a test run and then had her long lost lover being captured and presumably tortured (if the screaming is anything to go by.)
It's people like Vox machina, who would still defend each other, champion of the raven queen or not, to the bitter end.
It's people like Essek, who I don't think would have been as susceptible to the 'grinching' of the Mighty Nein if Ludinus had treated him like an equal instead of a pawn to be used and discarded.
It's people like Caleb, who has had is life ruined because Ludinus decided the power Trent bought him outweighed the pain he wrought.
It's people like the Mighty Nein, who much like Vox Machina, would do anything for each other.
It's so gratifying to see that all the decisions Ludinus made "for the greater good" or because it was "necessary" are the same ones that are going to cause his downfall.
#critical role#critical role spoilers#fuck ludinus#ludinus da'leth#bells hells#vox machina#the mighty nein#orym#imogen temult#orym of the air ashari#keyleth#keyleth of the air ashari#essek thelyss#caleb widogast#critical role c3#critical role campaign 3
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I am certain that this has been said before, by myself and others, but because we're talking about it, let's look at the Trent situation in some depth, shall we?
I will admit, I was among those who was of the opinion that there might be another arc of campaign 2 to deal with the Assembly, since they were positioned as the entity pulling strings in Wildemount, they had been tangentially associated earlier with a plot to release Tharizdun, and because they were of minor to major interest with regard to character backstories, not least with multiple members being involved in the Aeor arc (and when it was still believed that Veth might've had some relationship to Doolan Tversky). Nevertheless, in hindsight, I don't feel that there's any issue with the positioning of the Assembly by the end of the campaign. They are a problematic entity that continues to exist in the world as grounding, because such entities are not generally one-note villains to be killed and destroyed; they are generally systemic and entrenched, and require sustained and systematic collaboration to dismantle. The same can be said of the Clasp, or the Myriad. And indeed, Caleb will be focused on this dismantling for at least the next six years.
Looking at Trent in particular, though, requires considering Caleb's narrative arc in full, and in particular, the shift that he undergoes from the beginning to the end. He begins the campaign specifying that he is seeking to take down Trent, "among other things", which we know from his later wishes entails turning back time and undoing his parents' deaths—though, given he doesn't give details on the matter at the time, we can't say then whether or not his plan entailed attempting to leave the timeline unaltered, essentially leaving his younger self to succumb to the guilt and subsequent trauma of the Asylum. It's possible that he had considered that then, and it was simply a pragmatic attempt to preserve the timeline and prevent a paradox, but it's also possible that that element only came later, when Caleb found that he was capable of forgiving himself.
By the time he gets to the point of telling the whole group about his history, before they have dinner with Trent, he specifies that his intent was to atone, but "that idea has evolved quite a bit over time, and I'm not sure what the exact answer is. But I mean to atone." It is worth noting that in this conversation also is the exchange with Caduceus about the goal being no more kids on the pyre. This also only comes after the Nein have shifted from their early extreme murder hobo mercenary tendencies to a group with diplomatic ties who have already navigated a minimum of two governments to end a war, so their methods have changed and their options have expanded, not only in terms of their personal abilities but their social influence as well.
At this point, we know, he has not let go of the potential to turn back time—he admits to Essek later that he doesn't know what he would choose if the thing that he wanted was placed in front of him (incidentally, mere hours before it was). Which means that his idea of atonement has shifted in other ways. In that first conversation with Beau and Nott, Beau says that, "There are two options here: you can selfishly try and go after this guy for your own vendetta, or you can use your motives to keep others from getting hurt in a very similar way," and Caleb admits in response that both are appealing. We must infer then, based upon this information, that what has shifted over ninety episodes later in his idea of atonement is that he is no longer motivated by a selfish dedication to his personal vendetta.
In fact, he seems to slip back into that vendetta later, if not in the asylum (where it is unclear how much he is acting out of necessity than due to a regression, but I would suggest it is a bit of both) then when he attempts to convince the Nein and then Essek that they should invite Trent and the scourgers to join them in Aeor, in an effort to eliminate Trent beyond the view of the rest of the Assembly or the Empire. Even as they prepare to go to the asylum, he admits that he wants Trent dead for ruining his life, though only after extensive pressing from Veth as to whether he is avoiding confronting Trent out of fear, and he adds that he does not want to risk the rest of the Nein in the pursuit of it. I've argued previously that Caleb realized when Essek challenged him on it that he was willing to jeopardize their true mission—to prevent Cognouza from wreaking havoc on Exandria in Lucien's hands—in pursuit of this goal, and this was truly his final wake-up call about the dangers of the path he had been on.
The Assembly has a habit of distancing themselves from the responsibilities of their fellow members; the Assembly as a whole turned on Delilah the moment she ran afoul of the law, Ludinus and Vess both distanced themselves from Trent, and later Astrid distances herself from Ludinus, even though we know she is part of the reason he remained untouchable through the trials against Trent. When members are expelled or eliminated, they are framed as fringe criminals, whose actions and activities were unsanctioned by the Assembly and therefore beyond the control of the others, regardless of the truth of that.
Caleb recognizes that there is plenty of evidence to tie Trent's activities to the Assembly, but likely also understands that Trent will not be tried or convicted in death, and as such the scourger program will not come to the attention of the Empire's legal system if he takes revenge before he gets justice. And by this point, what he wants is justice, because only with justice can he prevent further harm. He admits to Essek that, "I know what it means to have other people complicate your desires and wishes," and frames this as not only a good thing, but indeed the only thing that might save either of them. He ultimately neither kills Trent nor returns to the past, and this is what allows him to move forward out from under the weight of his sins and sorrows.
So by the end of the campaign, what Caleb has attained is this: a reorientation of his priorities, a commitment to his own future, and the means to not only gain justice for himself but to ensure that what happened to him will not happen, in this manner at least, again in a manner that is sanctioned by the Assembly.
To argue that the "Assembly plot" was not wrapped up by the end of campaign 2 is to fundamentally misunderstand both the nature of the campaign, which was one driven by character interests and histories rather than external plot, and to additionally further misinterpret Caleb's actual goals. There was no Assembly plot in campaign 2; there was only Caleb's plot. The end state of that plot is determined not by the elimination of one unchanging villain (though it does, technically speaking, still satisfy that requirement, the Solstice blast notwithstanding), but by reaching a point at which Caleb can begin to recognize that he can live with himself and the efforts he is undertaking—but also, more fundamentally, to recognize that he can live.
#critical role#caleb widogast#trent ikithon#cr meta#I'm sure all of this has been said in piecemeal and possibly even delineated before somewhere but like#while we're getting it all out this has always been a fundamentally wrong claim on the c2 finale#and I will be reblogging this long ass post if people want to try it again. just as a warning#anti-intellectualism is a scourge inside and out of fandom and this is the words website
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Ashton woke up wrong. Maybe it was the humidity in the air, the new found cold, or the stars aligning to fuck with him, but they woke up in more pain than normal. Today is going to be a very bad day.
It had been two hours since he woke for his watch and they had already: sparked up a rage twice for something small, ripped their new pants at the knee, stormed off from the group so he wouldnt get frustrated and yell at his very dear, very much asleep, friends and the lace from their new glove had torn.
It was like the entire world was against him today, evident in the meltdown they were currently having a good 30ft from where the Hells were sleeping.
He needed pressure, a metric fuck ton of pressure, on them, now. They needed to be held together and compressed until they felt new. Until this awful day finally ended.
Fearne also woke up wrong. She missed the warmth of her home in the Feywild, Nana and her old friends, FCG, and most of all she missed waking up to Ashton. They were both too exhausted to do anything but collapse onto their seperate bedrolls last night. She was homesick for everything she considered home.
She sat up and looked at her friends, as she would often do on nights where sleep would evade her. Laudna slept with her arms crossed in a death hold with her eyes open, Imogen would now fall asleep holding Laudna, her lichtenburg marks providing an almost imperceptable light. Chetney was curled in a ball, in the middle of the group, Fearne had seen him only hours earlier circling that spot. Orym would gravitate to Dorian when he was there, tonight being no different, with him only six inches away curled and facing Dorian. Dorian was facing Orym too, he changed in thier time apart, more somber. Then there was the new guy. Essek whatever-his-name-is, he trances for eight hours when he could instead trance for four hours and take watch. His hair sometimes floats though, and his cat eyemask is adorable. That's everyone but the one person she really wants to see. Where's Ashton?
A sound a bit away makes her ear twitch. There they are.
Ashton is clutching himself, trying their hardest to give themself the pressure he desperately needs. He knows he's probably a mess, snot running down their nose and might be making noise.
Everything stops. They're pulled into a a furry blanket, no, not a blanket, a lap. Pressure. Warm, loving pressure. Something in them sings, like its the home they were never given as a child. He feels a light peck on their forehead, and suddenly the day is righted. He's still in so much pain, but its not important as what's happening right now. With Fearne. Where everything is safe and warm.
#critical role campaign 3#callowmoore#fearne calloway#ashton greymoore#fearne x ashton#fearne is the big spoon#critical role#autistic ashton greymoore#fearne's also autistic too#im not projecting you are#chronic pain#inspired by me#having a bad pain day#and having a meltdown bc of it
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Now that Bells Hells know that Caleb is Essek’s partner, this seems like the perfect time to share the lists of things bh knew about Essek, Caleb, and Essek’s partner that I compiled in order to write Above All (and continued to compile afterwards). I focused pretty strictly on what was confirmed explicitly by the text, but there are a few notes outlining what I thought might be reasonable extrapolations for the Bells Hells to make that would lead to them linking Essek and Caleb in their minds. Enjoy!
What Bells Hells Know About Caleb Widogast:
- Chetney, Orym, Imogen, Laudna, and Ashton met him and Beau at the Tishtan Excavation Site
^ c3 names Caleb knows: Laudna, Chetney (wolf form only)
- He wears a deep purple scarf (that info is just for me tho)
- allied with planerider ryn
- friend to the grim verity
- has been following Ludinus for many years with the intent of taking him and his inner circle down
- was part of the team that damaged the shadowfell key
- has been up against other Cerberus Assembly membys
- he used the word dunamis, but they have no clue what that is. they ask, and he gives them a very basic rundown (note to self: compare to Essek’s?)
- Obscure reference to the beacon that aligns with what Essek says in 95, but there’s like, nooooo chance they could put that together. also not a defining characteristic.
- has “someone on the inside [of the assembly]” who had to back away
- seemed to know a lot about the Cerberus Assembly
- admitted thorn in Ludinus’s side for quite some time, to the point that Ludinus uses his first name and wanted to gloat about his victory to him (and Beau) specifically
- metagame knowledge that Beau is with the cobalt soul, thus aligning Caleb with them
- using context clues, they correctly assumed origin is Wildemount, Dwendalian Empire
- Allura is familiar with him. some of his and Beau’s allies have been in contact (Essek???) (probably cobalt soul let’s be real) (but Essek did say he was an ally to the exandrian accord, so it’s not impossible that he has made some contact with allura, whether she knows of Essek or not)
- Zemnian (presumed by accent, usage of “nein” and “ja”)
- Had Jester relay messages via Sending (either doesn’t have sending, doesn’t have it prepared, or no spell slots)
- sent an archivist of the cobalt soul to escort them to Aeor
^ extrapolating backwards: Keyleth said that she would contact someone who had researched in Aeor, and when this person was unavailable, she said they would send an archivist in their stead.
^^ this archivist was Seth Domade, who was announced as “sent by a Widogast.”
^ extrapolating forwards: Seth is revealed to be Essek. Therefore, Essek and Caleb know each other and have both researched Aeor.
- is Essek’s partner :)
What Bells Hells Know About Essek Thelyss’s Partner:
- Zemnian (presumed by “gesundheit. I learned that from my partner as well.”)
- has followed/is following the Cerberus Assembly’s machinations
- told Essek a bit about Predathos, implying that this partner is privy to information that is largely kept hidden away
- kind and smart and so strong (of heart)
- Essek talks to him before bed
^ could we make an extrapolation that Essek wanting to preserve spell slots to talk to his partner implies that this partner does not have access to Sending? It’s a bit of a stretch, and not one I think any of the bells hells would be able to make with their limited knowledge of the mechanics of magic beyond their own capabilities
- was with Essek in Aeor when Essek got wild magicked into a fish
- carried Essek while he was a fish
- is “one hell of a person” (paraphrase of Ashton, confirmed by Essek)
- has a tangled history with the Assembly
- is a man
- a powerful practitioner of the magical arts
- teaches on occasion
- his name is Bren (Essek what do you mean, I’m going to kill you)
- is very intelligent
- would have brought the Bells Hells to Aeor but he was busyyy
- is Caleb Widogast :)
What Bells Hells Know About Essek Thelyss
- sent by Caleb
^ whether or not they were paying attention to that fact is up for debate, but it’s possible, and the information was available to them
- disguised as a Cobalt Soul archivist
- fugitive
- formerly of the Kryn Dynasty
- is the reason Ludinus has access to as much dunamantic knowledge as he does
- reformed in his dubiousness
- first name basis with an assembly member, but doesn’t like the assembly
^ tbf Astrid doesn’t seem to like many members of the assembly either
^ Astrid only cooperated with the interrogation because of Essek’s connection to an old friend
- has been to Aeor, and the genesis ward specifically (we know why)
- defaced a bit of Aeor :)
- used to manage a dynasty outpost in Eiselcross
- turned into a fish in Aeor
- has a tangled history with the Assembly
Side note: Caleb, Allura, and Essek’s explanations of dunamis [50, 76, and 95, respectively] share a lot of similarities in structure and verbiage. And Allura mentioned that she has compatriots more knowledgeable about dunamis and the Dynasty [76], which just makes me fully believe that Allura knows Essek too, not just Caleb.
#anyone else love to compile information? keep track of things?#you may also notice that hardly any of this got used in Above All. that’s a fun little prank my brain played on me :)#this has been a very fun little project though#critical role#cr spoilers#shadowgast#caleb widogast#essek thelyss#eve talks#long post
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m9 pirate + essek joins earlier + speedrun any% au 🏝
disclaimer these are just sillies for fun bc i wanted more pirate times please don't think too much about plot divergences; feel free to add your own ideas in the mix!
spoilers for the mighty nein
• fjord becomes a captain earlier
• caleb escapes the prision earlier
• while on the run and covered in tears and mud, he meets beauregard in one of her many cobalt soul escapes
• a lone half-orc captain with a cursed sword but no ship or crew walks into a bar, sees two anxious looking humans in the corner: a scrawny woman with a grumpy face and a scrawnier ginger with a towel to his recently broken nose
• seems easy enough.
• girls night!!! they steal their first boat
• rule #1 of stealing methods of transportation is that you should watch out for blue tieflings stowaways trying to get as far away from a recent problem as possible
• back on land they loose beau (got got by the soul ☝️😔), caleb gets locked up in a shady storage while looking for her and there he meets nott the brave
• fjord's first response upon seeing a goblin following his navigator is to pull the sword on it
• nott's first response upon seeing some green dude shove a sword in her face is to pull her crossbow at him
• they look up and down for beau, but she finds her way back to them eventually
• still, they'll need more hands if they want to keep their totally legally owned ship afloat
• still on land, The Circus Plot happens and they acquire two more crew members 🎉
• molly loves the ocean, yasha likes the wind
• all of them like to go up to the crow's nest and bother caleb, nott more than the others; eventually he stops hiding up there so much
• yasha starts getting anxious about her unfinished business at the same time jester stars getting anxious about their clothes not being pirate-y enough
• they lose their first ship (of pristine papers as long as you don't look at them in the light) and have to travel on land until they manage to borrow a new one without asking it's owner and with promises of never returning it
• they also lose molly :(
• but they get caduceus :) who's not very keen on being in a boat for long periods of time but he'll adjust
• one thing he'll have in common with the cat
• fjord has a problem: The Voices in his head telling him to get back on the water
• jester has a conundrum: they got all of these nice, proper pirate outfits but now they have no ship
• love wins
• she did get frumpkin his very own little coat
• in the night, as the mighty nein crew wispers around two pushed together inn tables, a cloaked figure approaches upon hearing they are in need of help
• dezran, or dez, for short, for friends, an inconspicuous sun elf from, you know, around these parts, who is in dire need of work and oh would your captain be so kind to-
• insight checks fly around the pushed together inn tables
• but all of them know each of them is running from something or someone, and not all of them have a destination in mind, so really it's not like they're going to ask.
• plus nott thinks she saw a really nice boat on the dock with it's lights all out
• welcome aboard!
• cue the guy running from stealing things having to steal things
• cue a disguised drow's inventory slots full of the strongest sunscreen balm he could find this side of the continent
• maybe caduceus or jester finds out first, around when ess- dez, for friends, got a little too reckless and a little too hurt some time or other
• but the wildmother shows caduceus a lonely star when he asks, and artagan hasn't been paying attention, and anyways that's dez, that's right, their friend who has been nothing but helpful and fun, if a little skittish depending on the weather, and who always tries jester's pastries
• besides, far from him being the only person with a fake identity at the function. he's not that special.
• when fjord and beau find out, they're suspicious, but they won't make him walk the plank. there's protocol for that.
• yasha is not one to question someone running from their past
• when nott the brave finds out, she doesn't ask what he really looks like
• when caleb widogast finds out, during a siege on the ship, he grabs essek's arm and sees the drow underneath the disguise, and wants to know who are you, but circumstances are that later, they'll talk about this later.
#if this flops it never happened#mighty nein#m9#the mighty nein#critical role#cr2#mighty nein au#m9 au#mighty nein fic#mighty nein headcanons#fjord stone#beauregard lionett#caleb widogast#jester lavorre#nott the brave#veth brenatto#mollymauk tealeaf#yasha nydoorin#caduceus clay#essek thelyss#dezran thaine#fjorester#shadowgast#beauyasha
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this fic contains spoilers for the mighty nein reunion: echoes of the solstice. please read at your own discretion.
There is celebration, cheers and drinking and the spectacle of fey magic as the quaint homes of Blumenthal are put back together. Glasses are clinked and songs are sung and throughout it all, Caleb is keeping expert track of the minutes. He lets his friends, heroes, each of them, have their revelry as long as he dares.
They sleep in the tower, and first thing in the morning, he uses the boy as an excuse. Luc needs to go home. Veth will be out of her mind with worry. A teleport to Nicodranas, another to Zadash. Caduceus offers to stay and help Beau and Yasha look into the mystical misgivings after the solstice, though everyone knows his role will be in making sure that the two of them see the better part of a pillow every now and again. Caleb will be back to aid in the effort. There is somewhere he needs to go first.
He sees pacing through the curtains as he appears in the front garden of the little cottage. It almost makes him smile. He makes it up the few steps to the front porch, and then the door is wrenched open and he is yanked inside. "For the love of the Light!"
Caleb can barely breath against the knit of Essek's sweater. "Guten morgen," he says, muffled.
"Three days, Caleb Widogast. Three days." Caleb swings backward as Essek holds him at arm's length, an unusual wild look in his eye. "You run off with Beauregard to save the world, and for three days I do not know if you survived." Essek runs a shaking hand through his hair. "Why could I not send to you, what is going on—" Essek cuts himself off as curious recognition sparks in his face. "Something...happened."
And Caleb can do nothing but laugh. It starts quiet, a humorless chuckle, but then it overtakes him, growing louder and louder until it is something deafening, something monstrous. Vaguely, Caleb is aware that Essek is watching him with profound concern, but he can't stem the tide of violent laughter that has him doubled over in the tiny entryway of this cottage.
"Caleb..."
When Essek speaks, lost and afraid, it is suddenly very, very not funny anymore. The laughter quiets, but Caleb remains with his hands on his knees, too exhausted to stand back up. A hand, fingers long and sure, runs up and down the curve of his spine.
Something happened.
"I don't know where to begin."
Essek lets the whisper hang ominously in the air for a few moments. "Shall we begin with tea?"
And they do. Caleb is shuffled to the sofa, cats shooed out of the way, and Essek fills a kettle and prestidigitates the water to boiling. As the tea steeps, Caleb begins with where it all went wrong, because it is easier to think about what happened on Marquet than the horror he faced back in his hometown. When he speaks of the magic collar, of the shackle meant for Ludinus and used on him, Essek's fingers come to brush along the side of his neck, as if he could will away the feeling of stone on his skin and cold in his bones.
When he has described the horrible shunting across Exandria and the subsequent gathering of the Nein, he speaks of the magic mouths, of the words Trent Ikithon left to haunt him, the specter even Jester's magic could not turn. Essek's hand grips his with strength that would put Yasha to shame. "Caleb..."
Caleb almost doesn't tell him. There is no need for Essek to know, no need for a new worry when the threat has already been handled. But Caleb has kept so much from so many for so long, and well he knows that the most important part of loving someone is the bravery it requires.
"He spoke of going to the Bright Queen," he says quietly. He watches the warm amethyst of Essek's cheeks blanche to lavender. "He threatened to turn you in, because he knew that the best way to hurt me would be to hurt the person I love the most."
There is a long pause, and then Essek sets down his teacup, the liquid inside long gone cold, brings his hand up to cup Caleb's face. His fingers gently scratch into his scruff, and not for the first time, Caleb wishes he could purr like a cat in sunlight. "I would let him drag me by the ears before my queen if it meant you were spared even a moment of his torment. You know that, don't you?"
And he does. It is a wild, magical knowing, a certainty unlike anything he has experienced. He presses his face into Essek's palm. "I'm glad he said it. Even after all this time, all of the work I have done within myself to forgive the sins of my past...I must admit, it was...rattling. His voice, the memories it evoked, the ghost of his hands on my skin.
"But then he spoke the word Shadowhand, and it was all gone. The pain, the shame, the fear. All that was left was rage, and the need to free Exandria of his influence."
"And did you?"
And so Caleb continues on with his tale, the illusion of a familiar farmhouse, the use of a wish to protect his best friend's son, the sight of his family home for the first time since he was a boy. He stops himself mid-word as the memory of his parents, dead, reanimated, puppeted by the worst person Caleb has ever known, nearly knocks him from this place, from this moment. But there is still a hand in his, and the tightening fingers keep him where he belongs.
Essek listens to the whole story with rapt attention, clearly straining to keep his myriad emotions from his face. But Caleb knows him well enough by now to pick out the shock, the horror, the disgust, even the barely-contained smile at the thought of a one Caleb morphed into a dinosaur and the other into a massive white dragon. Caleb spares no detail when describing the implausible feats of his friends, giving Beauregard the full credit for wrenching the artifact from the demonic entity summoned by Ikithon, and after recounting tossing the thing into a demiplane, Caleb says, "When it was over, all I could think about was coming back here to you. If I weren't so tapped out on magic, I would have been here last night."
"Come here." Caleb allows himself to be dragged along the back of the sofa, Essek's arms tight around his chest. For the first time in three days, he is not afraid that at any moment, his very atoms will scatter into a million directions. He buries his face into Essek's chest, lets his love hook his chin over his head and whisper, "I do not know what this solstice has wrought upon our world. But I know that I'm very grateful that neither it nor that man took you from it. From me."
There are no more words left. There is nothing Caleb can say, for all his reading, for all the magic incantations he has memorized, to convey the depth of his relief that, contrary to what he may have intoned to Beau, he did not die on the land his parents lost their lives on. There is no telling what horrors are yet to come, nor what they may demand of Caleb and his friends, but he will not begrudge himself this quiet moment in his love's arms, not after these last three days.
#cr spoilers#critical role#critical role fic#cr fic#mighty nein#mighty nein fic#shadowgast#shadowgast fic#my fic
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Regarding that ask about Essek: I find the dislike of Essek among CR3 die-hards very funny, because I do think that he had some of the most tangible complaints regarding religion vis-a-vis the theocracy of the Dynasty.
Not saying "Predathos should have eaten the Luxon" or "Ludinus was right actually", but more that there are some serious issues hinted at, I would even go so far as to say, systemic ones, tied to the Dynasty being first and foremost a theocracy, and that, while I'm firmly in the "Essek absolutely was wrong to do those things, he did those things first and foremost for his own selfish gains, and his journey throughout CR2 and supplemental appearances work SO well as a foil to Caleb's own thematic journey of coming to terms with the consequences of ones actions" camp, I do think he wasn't wrong to have seen issues with how the Dynasty works and to say "Hey, doesn't this seem just a little fucked up?"
And like...maybe part of the issue is that all of this is tied to Luxon worship and can't easily be retrofitted to also apply to "The Prime Deities are actually horrible tyrants that need to die for mortals to truely flourish" argument. And that this is, again, not actually a "God" Problem but more a "Mortals using religion to gain and maintain power over others" Problem...
Still funny, tho. Thoughts?
Hi anon,
This serves as both a response here and also kind of one in general to a lot of criticism of Campaign 3 and those who think it is good, particularly those who must use criticism of Campaign 3 to prop it up rather than find a defense on its own merits:
I think there is a case to be made that the Kryn Dynasty and Luxon worship is by far the strongest analogy to real-world religion and particularly Christianity: it is an explicitly proselytizing and expansionist theocracy with a head of state who is both a religious and political figurehead, worshiping an entity that does not specifically answer, ie, a degree of genuine faith is involved. There is a reason Essek, as someone who struggles with the dynasty, is catnip to many a lapsed Catholic.
However, you may have noticed that I've really pulled back on writing up new criticism of C3 other than in direct response, and even that has been terse, so here is the thing. You cannot argue with people who aren't smart enough to argue back and I am personally, as a person who loves arguing, making an effort to focus my energies elsewhere. I don't think the people who like Campaign 3 are even getting the point of analysis of Essek as a character within the context of his culture, or his character development over the course of Campaign 2, or as a narrative foil to Caleb, or getting to the point of rejecting him because he is, as the nonreligious person, also very much portrayed as a traitor. I think the truth of the matter is that most of them are too fucking stupid. They are motivated in their dislike of Essek by stupidity and spite and jealousy that he's more popular than their blorbos and shadowgast has more fics than their ship and Campaign 2 is more widely beloved. It's that simple. The mere fact that the talking points of "you cannot criticize improv", "you cannot criticize something the creators enjoyed making," and "the real problem is that people say Campaign 3 is bad instead of explicitly spelling out that it is only their opinion please don't be mad at me uwu" had significant buy-in and traction among c3 defenders probably should have, in retrospect, been more than enough for me to go "not worth it" like 3 weeks ago. The fact that at this point they're just making up lies and unsubstantiated hypotheticals is enough for me to say "not worth it."
So with that in mind I am very open to talking meta about Essek and C2 just like, on their own, and I'm not shutting down all conversation of/questions about Campaign 3 until post-wrap-up - indeed, I'm sure I'll have shit to say about the wrap-up, but at this point it really is like. Campaign 3 was not very good, a not-insignificant portion of its fans are stupid and unpleasant people who bite your ankles if you don't validate them in their unpleasant stupidity, and I think that my goal is to move on and focus on the many superior CR works, ie, pretty much all of them.
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