#that episode truly is elite

[myladyofmercy]

the best young royals episodes:

(according to the tumblr users that voted in my polls)

best episode 1:

SEASON 3 (44,5%)

best episode 2:

SEASON 1 (50,5%)

best episode 3:

SEASON 3 (66,3%)

best episode 4:

SEASON 1 (56,8%)

best episode 5:

SEASON 1 (37,5%)

best episode 6:

SEASON 3 (85%)

[novococain]

🦴

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Retiring the US debt would retire the US dollar

THIS WEDNESDAY (October 23) at 7PM, I'll be in DECATUR, GEORGIA, presenting my novel THE BEZZLE at EAGLE EYE BOOKS.

One of the most consequential series of investigative journalism of this decade was the Propublica series that Jesse Eisinger helmed, in which Eisinger and colleagues analyzed a trove of leaked IRS tax returns for the richest people in America:

https://www.propublica.org/series/the-secret-irs-files

The Secret IRS Files revealed the fact that many of America's oligarchs pay no tax at all. Some of them even get subsidies intended for poor families, like Jeff Bezos, whose tax affairs are so scammy that he was able to claim to be among the working poor and receive a federal Child Tax Credit, a $4,000 gift from the American public to one of the richest men who ever lived:

https://www.propublica.org/article/the-secret-irs-files-trove-of-never-before-seen-records-reveal-how-the-wealthiest-avoid-income-tax

As important as the numbers revealed by the Secret IRS Files were, I found the explanations even more interesting. The 99.9999% of us who never make contact with the secretive elite wealth management and tax cheating industry know, in the abstract, that there's something scammy going on in those esoteric cults of wealth accumulation, but we're pretty vague on the details. When I pondered the "tax loopholes" that the rich were exploiting, I pictured, you know, long lists of equations salted with Greek symbols, completely beyond my ken.

But when Propublica's series laid these secret tactics out, I learned that they were incredibly stupid ruses, tricks so thin that the only way they could possibly fool the IRS is if the IRS just didn't give a shit (and they truly didn't – after decades of cuts and attacks, the IRS was far more likely to audit a family earning less than $30k/year than a billionaire).

This has become a somewhat familiar experience. If you read the Panama Papers, the Paradise Papers, Luxleaks, Swissleaks, or any of the other spectacular leaks from the oligarch-industrial complex, you'll have seen the same thing: the rich employ the most tissue-thin ruses, and the tax authorities gobble them up. It's like the tax collectors don't want to fight with these ultrawealthy monsters whose net worth is larger than most nations, and merely require some excuse to allow them to cheat, anything they can scribble in the box explaining why they are worth billions and paying little, or nothing, or even entitled to free public money from programs intended to lift hungry children out of poverty.

It was this experience that fueled my interest in forensic accounting, which led to my bestselling techno-crime-thriller series starring the two-fisted, scambusting forensic accountant Martin Hench, who made his debut in 2022's Red Team Blues:

https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781250865847/red-team-blues

The double outrage of finding out how badly the powerful are ripping off the rest of us, and how stupid and transparent their accounting tricks are, is at the center of Chokepoint Capitalism, the book about how tech and entertainment companies steal from creative workers (and how to stop them) that Rebecca Giblin and I co-authored, which also came out in 2022:

https://chokepointcapitalism.com/

Now that I've written four novels and a nonfiction book about finance scams, I think I can safely call myself a oligarch ripoff hobbyist. I find this stuff endlessly fascinating, enraging, and, most importantly, energizing. So naturally, when PJ Vogt devoted two episodes of his excellent Search Engine podcast to the subject last week, I gobbled them up:

https://www.searchengine.show/listen/search-engine-1/why-is-it-so-hard-to-tax-billionaires-part-1

I love the way Vogt unpacks complex subjects. Maybe you've had the experience of following a commentator and admiring their knowledge of subjects you're unfamiliar with, only have them cover something you're an expert in and find them making a bunch of errors (this is basically the experience of using an LLM, which can give you authoritative seeming answers when the subject is one you're unfamiliar with, but which reveals itself to be a Bullshit Machine as soon as you ask it about something whose lore you know backwards and forwards).

Well, Vogt has covered many subjects that I am an expert in, and I had the opposite experience, finding that even when he covers my own specialist topics, I still learn something. I don't always agree with him, but always find those disagreements productive in that they make me clarify my own interests. (Full disclosure: I was one of Vogt's experts on his previous podcast, Reply All, talking about the inkjet printerization of everything:)

https://gimletmedia.com/shows/reply-all/brho54

Vogt's series on taxing billionaires was no exception. His interview subjects (including Eisinger) were very good, and he got into a lot of great detail on the leaker himself, Charles Littlejohn, who plead guilty and was sentenced to five years:

https://jacobin.com/2023/10/charles-littlejohn-irs-whistleblower-pro-publica-tax-evasion-prosecution

Vogt also delved into the history of the federal income tax, how it was sold to the American public, and a rather hilarious story of Republican Congressional gamesmanship that backfired spectacularly. I'd never encountered this stuff before and boy was it interesting.

But then Vogt got into the nature of taxation, and its relationship to the federal debt, another subject I've written about extensively, and that's where one of those productive disagreements emerged. Yesterday, I set out to write him a brief note unpacking this objection and ended up writing a giant essay (sorry, PJ!), and this morning I found myself still thinking about it. So I thought, why not clean up the email a little and publish it here?

As much as I enjoyed these episodes, I took serious exception to one – fairly important! – aspect of your analysis: the relationship of taxes to the national debt.

There's two ways of approaching this question, which I think of as akin to classical vs quantum physics. In the orthodox, classical telling, the government taxes us to pay for programs. This is crudely true at 10,000 feet and as a rule of thumb, it's fine in many cases. But on the ground – at the quantum level, in this analogy – the opposite is actually going on.

There is only one source of US dollars: the US Treasury (you can try and make your own dollars, but they'll put you in prison for a long-ass time if they catch you.).

If dollars can only originate with the US government, then it follows that:

a) The US government doesn't need our taxes to get US dollars (for the same reason Apple doesn't need us to redeem our iTunes cards to get more iTunes gift codes);

b) All the dollars in circulation start with spending by the US government (taxes can't be paid until dollars are first spent by their issuer, the US government); and

c) That spending must happen before anyone has been taxed, because the way dollars enter circulation is through spending.

You've probably heard people say, "Government spending isn't like household spending." That is obviously true: households are currency users while governments are currency issuers.

But the implications of this are very interesting.

First, the total dollars in circulation are:

a) All the dollars the government has ever spent into existence funding programs, transferring to the states, and paying its own employees, minus

b) All the dollars that the government has taxed away from us, and subsequently annihilated.

(Because governments spend money into existence and tax money out of existence.)

The net of dollars the government spends in a given year minus the dollars the government taxes out of existence that year is called "the national deficit." The total of all those national deficits is called "the national debt." All the dollars in circulation today are the result of this national debt. If the US government didn't have a debt, there would be no dollars in circulation.

The only way to eliminate the national debt is to tax every dollar in circulation out of existence. Because the national debt is "all the dollars the government has ever spent," minus "all the dollars the government has ever taxed." In accounting terms, "The US deficit is the public's credit."

When billionaires like Warren Buffet tell Jesse Eisinger that he doesn't pay tax because "he thinks his money is better spent on charitable works rather than contributing to an insignificant reduction of the deficit," he is, at best, technically wrong about why we tax, and at worst, he's telling a self-serving lie. The US government doesn't need to eliminate its debt. Doing so would be catastrophic. "Retiring the US debt" is the same thing as "retiring the US dollar."

So if the USG isn't taxing to retire its debts, why does it tax? Because when the USG – or any other currency issuer – creates a token, that token is, on its face, useless. If I offered to sell you some "Corycoins," you would quite rightly say that Corycoins have no value and thus you don't need any of them.

For a token to be liquid – for it to be redeemable for valuable things, like labor, goods and services – there needs to be something that someone desires that can be purchased with that token. Remember when Disney issued "Disney dollars" that you could only spend at Disney theme parks? They traded more or less at face value, even outside of Disney parks, because everyone knew someone who was planning a Disney vacation and could make use of those Disney tokens.

But if you go down to a local carny and play skeeball and win a fistful of tickets, you'll find it hard to trade those with anyone outside of the skeeball counter, especially once you leave the carny. There's two reasons for this:

1) The things you can get at the skeeball counter are pretty crappy so most people don't desire them; and ' 2) Most people aren't planning on visiting the carny, so there's no way for them to redeem the skeeball tickets even if they want the stuff behind the counter (this is also why it's hard to sell your Iranian rials if you bring them back to the US – there's not much you can buy in Iran, and even someone you wanted to buy something there, it's really hard for US citizens to get to Iran).

But when a sovereign currency issuer – one with the power of the law behind it – demands a tax denominated in its own currency, they create demand for that token. Everyone desires USD because almost everyone in the USA has to pay taxes in USD to the government every year, or they will go to prison. That fact is why there is such a liquid market for USD. Far more people want USD to pay their taxes than will ever want Disney dollars to spend on Dole Whips, and even if you are hoping to buy a Dole Whip in Fantasyland, that desire is far less important to you than your desire not to go to prison for dodging your taxes.

Even if you're not paying taxes, you know someone who is. The underlying liquidity of the USD is inextricably tied to taxation, and that's the first reason we tax. By issuing a token – the USD – and then laying on a tax that can only be paid in that token (you cannot pay federal income tax in anything except USD – not crypto, not euros, not rials – only USD), the US government creates demand for that token.

And because the US government is the only source of dollars, the US government can purchase anything that is within its sovereign territory. Anything denominated in US dollars is available to the US government: the labor of every US-residing person, the land and resources in US territory, and the goods produced within the US borders. The US doesn't need to tax us to buy these things (remember, it makes new money by typing numbers into a spreadsheet at the Federal Reserve). But it does tax us, and if the taxes it levies don't equal the spending it's making, it also sells us T-bills to make up the shortfall.

So the US government kinda acts like classical physics is true, that is, like it is a household and thus a currency user, and not a currency issuer. If it spends more than it taxes, it "borrows" (issues T-bills) to make up the difference. Why does it do this? To fight inflation.

The US government has no monetary constraints, it can make as many dollars as it cares to (by typing numbers into a spreadsheet). But the US government is fiscally constrained, because it can only buy things that are denominated in US dollars (this is why it's such a big deal that global oil is priced in USD – it means the US government can buy oil from anywhere, not only the USA, just by typing numbers into a spreadsheet).

The supply of dollars is infinite, but the supply of labor and goods denominated in US dollars is finite, and, what's more, the people inside the USA expect to use that labor and goods for their own needs. If the US government issues so many dollars that it can outbid every private construction company for the labor of electricians, bricklayers, crane drivers, etc, and puts them all to work building federal buildings, there will be no private construction.

Indeed, every time the US government bids against the private sector for anything – labor, resources, land, finished goods – the price of that thing goes up. That's one way to get inflation (and it's why inflation hawks are so horny for slashing government spending – to get government bidders out of the auction for goods, services and labor).

But while the supply of goods for sale in US dollars is finite, it's not fixed. If the US government takes away some of the private sector's productive capacity in order to build interstates, train skilled professionals, treat sick people so they can go to work (or at least not burden their working-age relations), etc, then the supply of goods and services denominated in USD goes up, and that makes more fiscal space, meaning the government and the private sector can both consume more of those goods and services and still not bid against one another, thus creating no inflationary pressure.

Thus, taxes create liquidity for US dollars, but they do something else that's really important: they reduce the spending power of the private sector. If the US only ever spent money into existence and never taxed it out of existence, that would create incredible inflation, because the supply of dollars would go up and up and up, while the supply of goods and services you could buy with dollars would grow much more slowly, because the US government wouldn't have the looming threat of taxes with which to coerce us into doing the work to build highways, care for the sick, or teach people how to be doctors, engineers, etc.

Taxes coercively reduce the purchasing power of the private sector (they're a stick). T-bills do the same thing, but voluntarily (they the carrot).

A T-bill is a bargain offered by the US government: "Voluntarily park your money instead of spending it. That will create fiscal space for us to buy things without bidding against you, because it removes your money from circulation temporarily. That means we, the US government, can buy more stuff and use it to increase the amount of goods and services you can buy with your money when the bond matures, while keeping the supply of dollars and the supply of dollar-denominated stuff in rough equilibrium."

So a bond isn't a debt – it's more like a savings account. When you move money from your checking to your savings, you reduce its liquidity, meaning the bank can treat it as a reserve without worrying quite so much about you spending it. In exchange, the bank gives you some interest, as a carrot.

I know, I know, this is a big-ass wall of text. Congrats if you made it this far! But here's the upshot. We should tax billionaires, because it will reduce their economic power and thus their political power.

But we absolutely don't need to tax billionaires to have nice things. For example: the US government could hire every single unemployed person without creating inflationary pressure on wages, because inflation only happens when the US government tries to buy something that the private sector is also trying to buy, bidding up the price. To be "unemployed" is to have labor that the private sector isn't trying to buy. They're synonyms. By definition, the feds could put every unemployed person to work (say, training one another to be teachers, construction workers, etc – and then going out and taking care of the sick, addressing the housing crisis, etc etc) without buying any labor that the private sector is also trying to buy.

What's even more true than this is that our taxes are not going to reduce the national debt. That guest you had who said, "Even if we tax billionaires, we will never pay off the national debt,"" was 100% right, because the national debt equals all the money in circulation.

Which is why that guest was also very, very wrong when she said, "We will have to tax normal people too in order to pay off the debt." We don't have to pay off the debt. We shouldn't pay off the debt. We can't pay off the debt. Paying off the debt is another way of saying "eliminating the dollar."

Taxation isn't a way for the government to pay for things. Taxation is a way to create demand for US dollars, to convince people to sell goods and services to the US government, and to constrain private sector spending, which creates fiscal space for the US government to buy goods and services without bidding up their prices.

And in a "classical physics" sense, all of the preceding is kinda a way of saying, "Taxes pay for government spending." As a rough approximation, you can think of taxes like this and generally not get into trouble.

But when you start to make policy – when you contemplate when, whether, and how much to tax billionaires – you leave behind the crude, high-level approximation and descend into the nitty-gritty world of things as they are, and you need to jettison the convenience of the easy-to-grasp approximation.

If you're interested in learning more about this, you can tune into this TED Talk by Stephanie Kelton, formerly formerly advisor to the Senate Budget Committee chair, now back teaching and researching econ at University of Missouri at Kansas City:

https://www.ted.com/talks/stephanie_kelton_the_big_myth_of_government_deficits?subtitle=en

Stephanie has written a great book about this, The Deficit Myth:

https://pluralistic.net/2020/05/14/everybody-poops/#deficit-myth

There's a really good feature length doc about it too, called "Finding the Money":

https://findingmoneyfilm.com/

If you'd like to read more of my own work on this, here's a column I wrote about the nature of currency in light of Web3, crypto, etc:

https://locusmag.com/2022/09/cory-doctorow-moneylike/

Tor Books as just published two new, free LITTLE BROTHER stories: VIGILANT, about creepy surveillance in distance education; and SPILL, about oil pipelines and indigenous landback.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/10/21/we-can-have-nice-things/#public-funds-not-taxpayer-dollars

[blade-liger-4ever]

Smokescreen is more like Orion Pax/Optimus Prime, and here's why I think this.

So, I know my post deconstructing Jack's informed "Prime-like" qualities is making the rounds, and seeing as I promised to do one with Smokescreen and how he is like Orion/Optimus, I feel now would be a good time to make good on that promise.

Buckle up and hang tight, especially since TF One will be mentioned as well for this post.

So, from what we know of Smokescreen in TFP, he was one of the last few cadets inducted into the Elite Guard. That right there tells us that the young 'Bot has raw potential, since not just anyone gets into the Elite Guard. By all accounts, he threw himself into the rigorous training and powered through to become well received, and made enough of a statement to become Alpha Trion's bodyguard. That right there takes talent, even if he did want to do his part and fight on the front line and beat Decepticon heads in. And yes, he was distraught to be relegated to Alpha Trion watch duty and yes, he was disappointed to not be out there in the thick of it fighting with his fellow Autobots for the greater good.

But he accepted it.

Not once was it mentioned that Smokescreen put in a transfer request for the front line of the War. He may have wanted to fight and, maybe, gain a little glory and be like the heroes he'd heard about, but it actually never got to his head, or his Spark. Instead, he rolled with what he had and came to genuinely enjoy a friendship with Alpha Trion, learning a lot from him as well. Smokescreen still took a chance to get in a fight, but he never went in without at least a rough outline of a plan, as evidenced by his debut episode and then again later on, even in the infamous episode where the team gets the Star Saber.

Speaking of, that episode shows us another of Smokescreen's great traits: his refusal to be intimidated by the Decepticons - including Megatron himself.

And the thing is, Smokescreen truly is fearless in front of Megatron in that episode. He's brought before the Lord of the Decepticons, surrounded on all sides with no escape, and is almost certainly seconds away from death or horrid torture. But what does he do when asked who he is?

Smokescreen smirks and sarcastically asks, "Why? Who wants to know?"

The boy nearly got backhanded into oblivion for that, and he still kept his scrap together! Put anyone else in that position, and some transmission fluid is seriously getting leaked.

Except, of course, for one 'Bot.

Optimus Prime.

This is where their similarities are shown first. Like Smokescreen, Orion/Optimus has tremendous talent that, at first raw, gets refined over time. While he is nowhere near as brash or reckless as Smokescreen started (outside of TF One), Optimus always wants to do his part, and throws himself into his work and dreams and gives it his all. He consistently comes out better and stronger from his trials, and doesn't fear Megatron or anyone else on the Decepticons' side, just like Smokescreen. Here, they're shown as similar, including with how they both stand up for what's right, and plant themselves in the ground and fight for what is good and greater than themselves.

Another similarity they share is how they accept their wrongs and don't shirk them onto another. While I have many reservations on his portrayal in TF One, the writers nailed Orion/Optimus when he takes full responsibility for the race when he and D-16 were met with Sentinel after the fact. Additionally, Orion/Optimus was always eager to make a point for the greater good and was willing to be an engine of change for others, no matter what. On the same token, while Smokescreen had a tendency to be overzealous in proving his worth to the team, he persistently pulled his own weight and, when it came to messing up, he always took full responsibility for his actions. He even went beyond that, often feeling so remorseful that he continually offered to leave the team if he was "unfit for [them]" (be honest with yourselves, Optimus at any point before becoming a Prime would do almost the exact same thing.) Furthermore, whenever he was being verbally attacked by another teammate, Smokescreen took it and didn't give crap back. Even when Vince threw that burger at his window, his payback was more on behalf of Jack's dignity than his own.

Just think about it: why would a human throw food at him specifically? It logically would have been directed at his passenger, a notion that's reinforced by Jack's desperation to hide from Vince's sight. And if you want to really get deep, compare it to Orion standing up to Darkwing for D-16 in the mines. Are both courses of action immature? Yes, but they're done on behalf of someone other than themselves. It's even shown again when Smokescreen defends Optimus' choice to destroy the Omega Lock against Ratchet. While this is the first time he's ever spoken up to someone on the team, it's in defense of Optimus and pointing out that Ratchet has no place to read Optimus the riot act for a make-or-break decision in an already desperate situation that would have doomed millions to billions of more lives. Smokescreen had always stayed quiet and followed directives as well as he could without a word of complaint up until that moment, and the only reason he raised his hackles was because Ratchet was lamenting a loss that pales in comparison to the disaster that was averted [and was ultimately Ratchet's own fault for creating.]

This is the beauty of the similarities between Optimus and Smokescreen. Neither of them take particular offense when they themselves are attacked/ridiculed, but will fight tooth and nail for those they care about if you so much as say one nasty thing about their friends. They both hold fast to all that is good, want to help change the world/make it a better place, and are proactive about it. And while they both start out like high school jocks (I'm mostly thinking of G1 Orion Pax for this), they never let their abilities go to their head and make them think of themselves above others. Instead, they merely see their abilities as tools to help those around them: Optimus used his mind, eloquence with words, and physical power to kick off the change he wanted on Cybertron, while Smokescreen willingly offered his full array of skills and fresh power to aid Team Prime for the War effort and replenish their numbers.

These traits wonderfully show that Smokescreen is, in actuality, a worthy Prime for the future. He puts others before himself, he is active in helping those who need it, he runs into the fire when others run from it, and turns down a chance to become a Prime because he knows he doesn't have the experience for it. This especially is important because it shows that while Smokescreen was a bit starry-eyed about war and ranks, he never wanted power.

He wanted to be an agent of good, just like Optimus.

And he was.

That's all I really have left to say. If you enjoyed this, I'm really happy. TFP Smokescreen is my second favorite character in, possibly, all of Transformers. I wish his potential for the Primacy wasn't slept on by so many fans in favor of Bumblebee, and that we could actually see him take up the Matrix after Optimus (preferably) retires to enjoy peace for once.

See you around people!

"Autobots, roll out!"

[cocogum]

The unconventional marriage between Yugo and Amalia.

Before I jump into it, I’m going to first talk about my personal thoughts on this moment:

💖💖💖❤️‍🔥❤️❤️‍🔥💕💕❤️💖💖❤️❤️❤️WE WON, WE GOT FED OMG THEY’RE SO CUTE TOGETHER, KISS MORE‼️‼️‼️‼️I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT MY WHOLE LIFE I’VE WATCHED YOU GUYS GROW UP FUCK‼️‼️‼️❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥✨✨❤️‍🔥💖💖❤️‍🔥😭❤️❤️💕😭😭😭😭😭✨💖✨🥰🥰✨💖✨❤️‍🔥

Now that we got that out of my system, let’s begin explaining what happened.

The scene starts with Yugo and Amalia, holding a bouquet of flowers, walking side by side together.

At first, I thought she was carrying the flowers for Armand’s grave but it turns out that they were both walking together TO THEIR WEDDING.

(now that I think about it, it actually makes sense that Amalia won’t be carrying flowers for Armand’s tree grave cuz like…she’s a sadida. Giving flowers to another sadida, especially a DEAD ONE sounds very disrespectful lol)

I’m guessing there was a slight time skip between the necrome war and the wedding because we can see Armand’s tree, which had been just a bud in Amalia’s hands during the fight, look like it grew up a bit underneath his parents’ tree shades.

Once the two walk up to the altar, they stand side by side and hold hands while facing the others who have come for them. We can see the Percedal family with Poo, Cleophee with Black Ink and Elaine, Dathura, Renate and Canar (Amalia’s two closest servants), Alibert with Grougal, Chibi, Adamaï, and Ruel. As well as Kerubim and Atcham (Joris doesn’t seem to be there though or maybe he’s just too short that we can’t see him 😭😭).

Not to mention that we can also see the elite eliatropes standing in the back and the sadidas too!

However, as soon as the two face the crowd together, Yugo decides to teleport him and Amalia away from the ceremony, causing the people to gasp at that sudden choice.

This was obviously not a planned decision that had been added to the occasion which is why even Amalia had been caught off guard by the act.

But once she takes a second to realize her surroundings, she knows she shouldn’t be afraid and so, she simply smiles back at Yugo knowing it’s just the two of them now, way up high in the skies.

They hold onto each other without the need to say anything, knowing full well that the other is just as happy to be together like this. To feel like for once, in a speck of a minute, there’s no danger to fight. There’s no big evil they need to defeat, no psychopath trying to eradicate the gods for vengeance, no big demon coming to have some fun, and no lost soul trying to live like in the old days.

They can finally enjoy the moment they’ve been waiting for so long, after so many challenges, unspoken words that needed to be said but couldn’t be told, and the many foes they faced.

For once, it’s just them up in the skies.

And that’s when they truly kiss without any regrets or doubts. They’re not thinking about anything else.

They can just think about themselves for now.

Here they are omg!! My babies are finally together!! 😩❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️❤️❤️❤️💖💖💖

Can you believe that? It’s been a lot more than six years that we’ve been waiting for this very moment and here they are finally married and happy to be with each other like this!! 😭😭

I actually DID NOT expect to see these two getting married in the last episode but I’m so glad I did cuz my heart literally jumped out of its place and made me choke on my soda (i chose pineapple flavor for some reason).

Now that we’ve got our feelings out of the way, it’s time we analyze this wedding scene much more closely.

At first glance, Yugo and Amalia’s wedding was very sweet and beautiful, something that was deserved for the two after being apart and filled with problems on their respective sides.

It’s so sweet in fact that it stands out from any other weddings we’ve seen in Wakfu (yes, even the attempted one with Count Harebourg and Amalia) but I’ll use Dally and Eva’s wedding as the main example.

Usually, when there’s a marriage in the World of Twelve, we’ve seen the white dresses and suits, and especially the glowing happy vibes that the wedding is giving. We’ve seen it with Dally and Eva’s wedding back in the OVAs.

Evangelyne was wearing a white dress while Dally was wearing a good suit that properly dressed him up completely. They had the Sadida ruler, King Oakheart, acting as the priest in charge of the wedding. They then exchanged their wedding rings and waited for the king to end the ceremony so they could seal it with a kiss.

That is what you call a proper wedding, a classic one to be more specific.

So when we compare their marriage with Yugo and Amalia’s, one can’t help but distinguish the differences in what happened during their ceremony.

And boy is it different.

First detail we can notice is the clothing. Amalia may be wearing the royal white cape but that is just what Armand wore. So the cape cannot count as classic clothing for the wedding because it is a common piece of clothing that the Sadida ruler(s) wear while on the job. It may not look very clear at first but if you zoom in on what Amalia is wearing, she seems to have put on the same usual clothing we see her wear at all times except that it now has the white color and the leaf is green, the color symbolizing how a new age came and the kingdom now has proper rulers.

We can technically say that Amalia’s choice of clothing for the wedding would be somewhat acceptable but since she has only changed the color of the same clothes she wears every day, we cannot count this as classic wedding attire.

As for Yugo, his clothes are much easier to declare that they are not fit to be worn for a proper wedding. He’s been wearing his hood and combat suit this whole time and even on this special day, he hasn’t taken them off.

It’s clear to say that these two did not respect the clothing rule for their own wedding.

Second detail we can notice are the rings. Usually, lovers often use wedding rings to symbolize their union as well as their commitment to one another. Dally and Eva perfectly demonstrated that rule by exchanging their rings with each other (despite how they’re actually brass knuckle rings but that still counts since that’s the iop way for ya lol).

Notice how neither Yugo nor Amalia has a ring for each other. Instead, they hold hands, symbolizing the union they have made between their people.

Third detail we can notice, there’s no priest. Unlike Dally and Eva who had the king for that, Yugo and Amalia did not choose anyone to begin the ceremony. They simply addressed their union by themselves.

Fourth detail we can notice is the audience. Compared to Dally and Eva’s wedding, the audience for Yugo and Amalia mainly consists of their friends and family. The others are the elite eliatropes and some sadidas.

Because of those stark differences, it’s clear to see that the ambiance in Yugo and Amalia’s wedding is far calmer and more private compared to Dally and Eva’s which is more public and much louder.

So now that we’ve got all the points that differentiate these two marriages, we’ve only got one question left:

Why are they different in the first place?

Dally and Eva are not royals and yet they seem to have filled all the boxes for having a perfect-looking wedding.

How did Yugo and Amalia, a god-king and a princess, manage to get a much simpler and calmer wedding compared to these two?

This wasn’t a coincidence. This wedding looks much smaller than what Dally and Eva had. According to Armand’s tree grave, which seemed to have grown up a bit, this suggests that Yugo and Amalia did have the time to prepare a bit more for their wedding but they simply chose not to.

In the special episodes, just right before Dally and Eva’s wedding had even been planned, Eva had specifically stated that no one bothers Dally for a week which implies that after that week of rest, these two must’ve gotten help from the sadidas to organize this whole event for them.

This means that Yugo and Amalia could’ve done the same thing and asked for something just as good, or better since they’re royals after all. But compared to Dally and Eva, they definitely had more time to ask since we know that trees don’t grow fast (I’m talking about Armand’s tree grave) and yet, it feels like they’ve just kept it simple.

But why?

My take on the matter is this:

Because Yugo and Amalia are not supposed to have a normal relationship. Therefore, everything they do usually strays away from anything remotely expected of them to have in a relationship.

For god’s sake, Yugo literally teleported him and Amalia AWAY FROM EVERYONE DURING WHAT SEEMED LIKE THE MIDDLE OF THE CEREMONY.

Their public wedding was specifically a political one. Which is why it would explain the lack of rings.

It was a happy political wedding however since Yugo and Amalia do harbor feelings for each other (suppressed feelings that they are now free to let out of course). But that’s when Yugo completely surprises Amalia, along with the others, when he brings her up in the skies, taking her away from everyone.

That sly dummy wanted her all to himself.

The wedding was so unconventional and they knew it. But they did not care. As long as they are together, they’ll be fine. After waiting for so long and finally having each other, properly planning their wedding doesn't seem as important anymore.

That’s why the ceremony was so different compared to the Percedals.

Note: Eva and Dally’s marriage was such a classic that Eva even had to wait for Dally to propose to her when she could’ve just been the one to initiate the first move. She even knew that Dally had been planning on asking for her hand and she deliberately waited. The only thing that isn’t considered classic in their marriage was getting children before the wedding lol

[jo-harrington]

Stranger Than (Fan)Fiction - Chapter 4: Reader Suggestions

Previous Chapter: Lore Dump

Summary: Things start to get a little strange when The Writer hits the dreaded Writer's Block and looks for some inspiration.

Word Count: 4.9k

Pairing: Eddie Munson/Fem!Reader

Warnings/Themes: No-Upside-Down AU, Fluff, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Chaos, SMUT?, Cockblocking?, Isekai, Mentions of FOI-compliant events and characters, Various References to Movies and Television, Probably a little more lore (just assume that theres gonna be bits of lore everywhere), Criticism of Fanfiction, Analysis of Fanfiction/Fandom, Meta Fiction

Note: This is more of a "filler episode" to establish some of the rules of Eddie and Reader's predicament than anything specifically plot-driven, until the end. You could say that I myself felt a little bit of Writer's Block...not necessarily because I couldn't get anything onto a page but that it wasn't happening for this story in particular. (Coincidental that it happened at this specific chapter. Almost like I planned it that way. Maybe I did.)

So please forgive me if anything feels a little rusty; I'm getting back on this bicycle after a few months of letting it sit in the garage. But I'm happy I get to take it for a spin again. We're in it for the Tour de France now lads! Or we die trying.

You can find my masterlist here.

Please do not interact if you are not 18+.

Enjoy!

You know, in a previous life, if someone told you that you'd be laughing in the face of a bloodthirsty, murderous vampire, you would probably think it was impossible.

That was, unfortunately, the reality you lived in right now.

Red, veiny, monstrous eyes. Sharp fangs. Hissing and roaring.

And you just snickering like an idiot with a death wish.

Probably because you knew it wasn't actually a death wish.

Your arrival in Mystic Falls was an interesting and exciting one. Mainly because of how normal it was.

It was a small town and everyone seemed friendly enough and you were truly ready for it to be a break in the action. Despite it being another so-called "modern" or "futuristic" setting.

Futuristic to you, at least. Still a bit stuck in your 1985 mindset, 2009 seemed beyond your imagination. More than the 90s had been, or 2004. Still not as bad as when one of the Writers shoved you onto the USS Enterprise so you could woo Bones McCoy. And certainly not 100 Trillion years in the future, at the end of the Universe with The Doctor.

Still, you were happy for a change of pace. So you chugged into town with your trusty Beetle like you usually did, until you made it to the large house on Maple Street that was the new residence of your supposed "college best friend," Jenna Sommers.

You liked Jenna, actually. She was sweet and funny and hated the hoity-toity elites of the town's Founding Families. She dragged you to all the Historical Society events just to have an ally, and those nights were always a hoot. You'd gossip about the mayor's affair with so-and-so, drink free booze til you saw double, and stuff your tiny handbags with their expensive hors d'oeuvres.

After years of traveling through various universes, and over analyzing your friendships back in Port Geneva, she was a breath of fresh air and someone you truly cherished.

She also set you up with her boyfriend's best frenemy--her words, not yours--Damon Salvatore.

And he seemed fine.

Great, actually.

A normal, sarcastically funny, suave, handsome sort of guy who took you out a few times and always behaved like a gentleman, and kissed better than anyone you'd ever kissed before.

Until this very moment, where the penny dropped, and he roared in your face with his fangs.

And you just laughed in his.

Because of course he was a vampire.

Of course you couldn't have a nice, normal thing.

Once.

Ever.

December 1985

If Eddie thought his life had been out of control before, it was safe to say that the moment he realized that it was being controlled by some Writer in another universe, it only got worse.

For a few days, there had been a break in the madness.

Well, there were some things that still fucked with Eddie's head.

Some of the posters on his walls were for bands he didn't like, his collection of exclusively DC comics became an array of Marvel titles, and his stash of porn...needless to say it was full of shit he'd never even thought about before.

He still jerked off to it, though. What else was he gonna do? Not jerk off?

But there were no out-of-body feelings, no wacky spectacles in class, no unexpected emergencies. The trailer even stayed clean for a whole week; it was a godsend.

"Does that mean it's all over?" Eddie asked when you'd arrived at his trailer for a night in.

"Unfortunately not," you sighed. "I don't know the ins and outs of it. Sometimes the story proceeds as planned. Sometimes you get long stretches of time where nothing happens. You've heard of Writer's Block? Maybe they're having trouble trying to figure out what's next for us."

"Why don't they just give up?" he huffed. "Leave us alone."

"Would you give up if you were trying to figure out some complicated plot for Hellfire?"

"Yeah, but that's different. It's just DnD. These are our lives that this asshole is playing with."

"And what if, somewhere, Agrithor the Invincible is real and getting mad because Jeff rolled a Nat 1 on a medicine check and now he has dysentery."

Eddie didn't know if he was cranky because you were right, or a little more in love with you because you had been listening to him rant about Hellfire.

"It's a learning curve," you continued. "It gets weird when you start to think of your life like a story someone is writing, waiting for the next thing to happen. Trust me. I learned that the hard way."

"So what should I do? Just go with the flow?"

"You need to, otherwise you start second guessing what's real and what isn't with everything."

"Hmmm..." He tilted his head from side to side considering your words. What's real and what isn't. A loaded statement in this predicament the two of you found yourselves in.

"So let's just enjoy our night in," you said with finality. "What's the plan? Fraggle Rock and fooling around?" You glanced around him to the setup on the coffee table. VHS tapes and cans of soda and a bowl of popcorn.

Eddie felt his cheeks getting hot with embarrassment.

"Speaking of what's real...I, uh, thought it might be fun for us to watch a few episodes of Port Geneva?"

You looked at him like he'd grown a second head; your brows raised in question, mouth dropping open in shock.

"I just...have some questions about things that didn't really make sense," he was quick to explain. "Continuity errors. Who better to ask than someone who was there?"

It took a second, but you broke down into laughter and you threw your hands up in defeat.

"You know what, as long as you order us pizza too, fuck it. Fine! Let's see what all the commotion is about."

That had been the last truly fun night for a little while--

His tapes were paused more than they played because you kept getting up to rant about scenes you disagreed with, or stories that the producers of the show simply got wrong, or key scenes that had been cut altogether.

Every time you'd get up and shout and talk with your hands and point at him to get him to understand...he loved you more and more...

--and Eddie felt bad for not taking advantage of the normalcy for as long as he could.

Because things started getting weird.

First Christmas had come, and it had been a joy.

Munson Christmases were simple affairs. More of a day for hearty food and relaxation than for any traditions or celebrations. You'd of course joined in, along with Granny Ecker, who lamented over Ronnie not being able to come home for the holiday.

Both Granny and Wayne had conspired to get you and Eddie under the mistletoe though, and had ooh'd and ahh'd when your lips met several times over the course of the night.

But Eddie looked forward to New Year's a little more than Christmas; he and the guys typically shot fireworks at the quarry and TP'd all of the jocks' houses in the middle of the night. You'd had similar New Years celebrations with your friends back in Port Geneva, so he figured it would be a treat for you to join them.

Except New Year's Eve never came.

On what was supposed to be the 31st, Eddie slept in, anticipating he'd be up all night with you and the guys. He got his backpack ready with supplies and walked out of his bedroom, only to find Wayne in the kitchen cooking.

"Did we have plans I forgot about?" he asked his uncle.

Wayne crossed his arms over his chest and frowned at him.

"You getting sick, kid?" he asked. "Don't know how you could forget about Christmas."

Christmas?!

"But it's," Eddie scoffed, "it's New Years' Eve."

Wayne opened his mouth to respond when there was a knock at the door, and after a beat, you walked in with several grocery bags in hand.

"Hey guys," you greeted cheerfully. "Merry Christmas!"

Wayne repeated the sentiment and motioned for Eddie to go and help you.

"M-Merry, uh, Christmas sweetheart," he said with heavy sarcasm as he reached your side. You shot Eddie a very pointed stare. "What's going on?"

"Just go with the flow," you muttered to him, leaving no time for explanation before you and Wayne started chatting.

So that's exactly what he did.

And truly, there wasn't anything wrong about having a second Christmas.

You'd baked cookies and he'd helped you decorate them; you kissed icing off the tip of his nose and then he'd serenaded you and Wayne with carols on his guitar while It's a Wonderful Life played in the background. He honestly had so much fun, all of his complaints and questions got put to the wayside

It was the fact that the following day brought yet another Christmas.

"Alright," he demanded when you'd arrived to make popcorn garlands with him. "What the hell is going on?"

"A time loop." You explained. "A request loop, actually. The Writer must have asked for Holiday-themed requests from their readers to get themselves out of their slump. Not the first time I've been through this."

"And everyone chose Christmas?" he scoffed. "Damn, these people are boring. Halloween is the best holiday, obviously!"

"Obviously," you laughed.

"Or April Fool's Day!"

"It must be December in their world too." You cupped his face in your hands. "Listen, request loops suck and they're boring. But trust me, you got lucky that it's just holidays. It could be worse."

So of course it got worse.

Because Eddie Munson could never get so lucky as fate taking it easy on him.

The requests didn't stop with Holidays--although, it had been a nauseating gauntlet of Christmases and Thanksgivings, with one Valentine's Day and a 4th of July thrown in for good measure--they extended to other things too.

Eddie had woken up one morning with the word "faucet" stuck in his head.

No rhyme or reason.

Just "faucet."

He suspected that The Writer had something to do with it, especially as he felt a strange anticipation to interject the word into conversation at some point in the day. Like he was compelled to say it in every sentence and every conversation, but none of them felt right.

Only when Dave had gone to get a drink from the water fountain and had stuck his entire mouth on the spigot did Eddie get any relief.

"Fuck Dave, you don't know how many germs are on that faucet?" he practically gasped as the weight on his chest and his mind finally alleviated.

It happened again a few days later. An insatiable need to talk about "root beer floats" all throughout the day, until the evening when he picked you up for a date.

It had been a great date, sure, but he hated root beer.

Finally, it was the word "alluring." Not one that was usually a part of his vocabulary, but this Writer seemed to want to teach Eddie a lesson by using some fancy word.

This time, the key word was said to you during a steamy make out session on your couch. Eddie's lips traveled down the column of your throat, sucking at your pulse, and he told you how alluring you were. Your moan was delicious, and no matter how true the statement was or how much he wanted to continue, he simply couldn't find the desire to.

The moment felt tainted. All of them did. No matter how funny or sweet or hot they were; the knowledge that he was just a puppet on the Writer's strings was a sour feeling and he just couldn't shake it.

You held him in your arms as he lamented about the lack of control he felt.

"I'm sorry," you whispered into his hair as you rubbed soothing circles over his back and shoulders. "I wish I could make it better. I wish I could make it all go away."

Eddie was just so overcome with emotions and feeling so unlike himself that he asked, "what if you could?"

You paused your movements and strained to look at him, confused.

"What...what do you mean?"

"I don't..." He closed his eyes and sighed. "I don't know what I mean."

Yes he did.

The thoughts had begun to form the moment the words exited his mouth, until they were a tempest swirling in his mind.

"Ok," you simply dismissed, and then continued your attentions.

"Actually," he couldn't stop himself then. He pushed himself away from you and stared directly into your eyes. "I...this all started because you came to Hawkins. So maybe...maybe if you tried to leave."

He immediately saw the heartbreak in your eyes, and he knew he fucked up.

"Do you want me to leave?" you questioned softly.

Everything inside of him screamed no. Of course he didn't want you to leave. In fact, he wanted the opposite of that; he wanted you to stay with him forever. He'd been willing to sell his soul to the devil just for the chance to have you, have someone who understood him the way you did.

He was just...so...tired.

So tired in that moment, he could only focus on his own desperation. His own feelings. He hadn't even thought to consider yours.

"I just...have you ever tried to leave?" he wondered. "You said you get in your car and you come to all of these worlds; that's how you travel into these stories. Have you ever tried to get back into your car and leave? Back to Port Geneva?"

"I don't," you shook your head rapidly, hands held up in front of your face as though you were trying to manifest a physical version of the idea just so you could conceptualize it. "I don't even know how I could. Or where I would go? How to get there?"

"You said that there were times when you got to go back."

"But I'd just end up there," you explained. "I've never decided on my own that it was time to go. I don't have a map."

"Maybe that'd be the end of it all," Eddie grabbed your hands in his. "That's the key to breaking the cycle. If you decided that you wanted to leave, if you tried to go home, the Writer would be compelled to give up and our lives could both go back to normal."

Your eyes darted between his, and you calmly repeated the question, "Eddie do you want me to leave?"

He hesitated so you continued.

"You said we were in this together. You said you'd help keep me grounded and I would do the same for you." You took a deep breath and repeated yourself for a third time. "Do you want me to leave?"

It was an eternity of waiting before he finally answered.

"No, of course not." You pulled your gaze away from his, your face crumpling in a way that made his heart ache. "I just figured...it was just an idea. And it couldn't hurt to try."

He tried to talk, tried to explain himself, and went on rambling for minutes on end. He even stood up and started pacing, hands running through his hair anxiously.

He cursed the Writer for doing this to you, cursed the Writer's Block for putting the two of you in this kind of a position in the first place. Cursed the Gods and Devils for making such an inescapable Hell in the first place.

He hoped the more he talked the more you'd see his frustration, his side of things.

Or at the very least, you'd try to fight him. Yell at him. Tell him he was wrong.

But you just nodded along, refusing to look at him.

It's a learning curve, you'd told him.

Because you'd been through this a million times before, lived this nightmarish life that he was now getting to experience for the first time. Shit, you'd even loved people before you'd come here and started having feelings for him.

Loved and lost and left. Whether you wanted to or not.

He thought he'd understood that. You had thought that he thought he'd understood.

But maybe he didn't. If he thought that getting you to go was the magic solution.

He realized, in that second that he stared at you and you stared at the floor, that this life wasn't the only learning curve for him.

And he wasn't the only one with something to learn either.

You both needed to adapt.

It's a learning curve.

He decided, with a soft kiss to the side of your head and a "see you later sweetheart," that it was better to leave and give you both the space to think and adapt, instead of just standing there digging himself into a deeper hole.

It would get better.

It had to.

But who knew what tomorrow would bring?

He was on a stage playing for a crowd of thousands.

It wasn't the biggest venue they played but it was the only sold out show on the tour.

They were all singing along with him, cheering. His friends, his bandmates, surrounding him and supporting him.

The lights were blinding, he was sweating, and his fingers tapped against the fretboard rapidly until it felt like they would bleed.

He played the last few notes of the song and then threw his arm up in the air with a flourish, all to the backdrop of their cheers.

He saw his face on shirts in the crowd, saw his name, heard them chant his name.

"Eddie...Eddie...Eddie..."

He basked in the majesty of it all, so far from his meek beginnings, so far from Hawkins. If he really thought about it, he didn't even feel like himself anymore. He felt like more.

It felt great.

It felt powerful.

And it was everything he ever wanted.

He pulled the earpiece from his ear and spoke into the microphone as Dave and Jeff threw picks into the crowd.

"Thank you guys...you've been great." He laughed as they cheered for him again. "Port Geneva is one of our favorite places to play. It feels like a little bit of home away from home. The best shows, the best crowds. The best food. Anyone else going to Bonnie's after the show?"

There was a roar of applause again.

"Maybe we'll see you there. It's the main reason we keep coming back here. I always get the Number 7 on Rosemary Bread."

There was a lone boo from the pit; he pulled the mike from the stand and took a few steps to the edge of the stage, eyeing the people for the source of said boo.

There was a couple; a handsome, conventional-looking guy with very neatly combed hair, who wore a flannel over a tee from their first tour. And a girl, pretty--main character pretty--with a hand-written poster in her hands...scolding her boyfriend under her breath.

Bingo.

"We don't like hecklers at our show but if you have a better order than mine I think you need to share it with the class," Eddie grinned at them. There was something familiar about the guy...and the girl...he just couldn't place where he'd seen them before. He shook off the feeling. "Come on, I won't bite."

"If you're not getting the Bonnie Special," the guy shouted up at him, "then you're not doing it right."

The crowd around them boo'd but Eddie stopped them.

"No, no," he chuckled. "I like a guy who knows what he wants. Very metal of you man. What's your name?"

"Patrick."

"Nice to meet you Patrick. I'm Eddie." The crowd laughed. "But seriously no Rosemary bread? That's ok. More for me."

He put the earpiece back in and turned back to the guys, ready to do what he did best: keep playing.

---

Once the show was over, he and the guys indeed made a stop at Bonnie's.

The little sandwich shop was overrun with fans wanting to meet them. He shook hands and signed autographs, as people snapped pictures of them at the counter, ordering a veritable feast to-go.

Then when they got their food and Eddie's hunger got to be too great for him to wait anymore, they were sped back to their hotel.

He wished his bandmates and their manager a goodnight before ducking into his room and bolting the door behind him. He took a few steps in and flipped the light switch on.

And there, sprawled out on the bed, was a different sort of feast.

The true object of Eddie's hunger: you.

You in perfectly paired, borderline scandalous lingerie, hair and makeup impeccable, staring at him with a mirroring hunger in your eyes.

"Hey rockstar," you greeted with a predatory grin. "Kept me waiting long enough."

"Wouldn't you believe it," he smirked at you and gestured to the takeout bag in his hand. "They were out of Rosemary bread."

"That's what happens when you shout your order to a crowd of your biggest fans."

"Funny I didn't see you there."

"How else would I know that you told them your sandwich order?" you teased.

"Didn't hear you either."

"I'll scream your name tonight," you batted your lashes at him. "You'll make sure of that, big boy."

Oh yeah, it was always a boost to his ego when he got you to sing for him, scream for him.

He tossed the bag onto the dresser--for later--and then closed the distance so he could devour you.

His lips went straight for your collarbone, hands exploring your curves, eager to make you squeal; meanwhile, you made quick work of his clothes. His belt was gone instantaneously with a sharp snap, your fingers made quick work of the fly of his jeans, then you reached up to shove his jacket from his shoulders.

God, he'd been fantasizing about you for years--knew your body better than he knew his thanks to countless hours wasted on the tapes from the adult section of Family Video--and it had been a surprise to see your familiar face in the pit at that very first show in Port Geneva.

Or maybe a gift from whatever god or devil was out there.

He'd sought you out after the show and it had been instant chemistry. You both couldn't stop fawning over one another, even though it might've been a little bit more awkward on your part. But you certainly weren't shy about it.

"The rockstar and the porn star," you joked as you split that infamous Number 7 at Bonnie's after your first night together. "A real power couple."

But now it was a handful of years later, and that's exactly what you were. Names forever entwined together in gossip magazines and on each others lips--not to mention the lips of every man and woman who wanted to fuck both of you, even though that likelihood was a big fat zero.

Yeah the sex was great, but it was more than that.

It was knowing one another. Caring for one another. Especially when you were both in an industry where there was little-to-none of either of those things at all.

You'd known for a while; Eddie had found out the hard way.

That's what kept him coming back to you, coming back to a small town with a venue barely-big-enough for the band's rising fame.

Because it was your home, and you were Eddie's.

Home.

It was exactly what he thought as you pushed your panties aside and he sunk into you, wet and waiting and oh-so-deliciously tight.

"Fuck," he swore against your mouth, "I missed you."

"M-missed you too," you panted right back, squirming beneath him, waiting for him to move.

Of course, Eddie was an asshole and let you wait. Let you suffer. Shit he let himself suffer, just to savor being this close with you.

He knew once he got started, he wouldn't stop until it was over.

So he'd hold out for that one last little bit, because he knew before long, he'd be leaving home behind once again.

He wasn't a man known for patience though, and before long he began to move.

He bucked into you, kissed you, squeezed you, lavished you with attention until you were one.

It was a crescendo of feelings when he got to have you like this, his lips spilling promises before he spilled himself inside you.

I missed you.

I want you.

I need you.

I love yo--

Eddie woke up with a gasp, heart racing and a wet spot growing in his boxers.

There was heavy pounding at the side door, someone slamming thier fist against it over and over again.

"Shit," he cursed. "Shit, shit, shit."

He jumped out of bed, and looked down at himself, wincing at the mixture of his embarrassment, his cum-full underwear and his rapidly-softening cock.

"Eddie, it's me," you called through the door and he froze in panic. "I know you just had a wet dream. Can you open up? It's cold out here."

How the hell did you know that?

He waddled out of his room and to the adjacent door and then let you in. You--coat thrown over your pajamas, feet in fuzzy slippers--pushed past him and headed straight for the kitchen.

"We need to talk!" You told him urgently.

"Uh," he called after you. "Can I, uh..." He gestured down at himself.

You pivoted on your heel, and then glanced from his face, down to his crotch.

Your face cycled through an array of warring emotions before it settled on bashfulness.

"Sure," you squeaked. "I'll...uh...make coffee."

Eddie locked himself in the bathroom for several minutes, listening to you bang around in the kitchen as he cleaned himself up and changed.

By the time he walked out, you were sitting at the little table, biting your nails, as two mugs sat in front of you invitingly.

"How did you know about my dream?" he asked immediately as he fell into the seat opposite you.

"Because I had one too," you said in an obvious tone.

He immediately felt his cheeks get hot, and he grabbed the steaming cup of coffee to take a sip, the scalding liquid not nearly as bad as the feelings that burned through him.

"I know...things weren't great last night," you stared once his attention was back on you, "but if shit like that's going to happen--"

"And what exactly was that?"

"That was our Writer finding their inspiration again," you explained. "Probably from one of those pesky requests. For an alternate universe. We can't exactly be...in other places. Yeah sometimes it happens, but when there's already an established world like this one...where I'm here in Hawkins...alternate universes happen in dreams."

"And are they always..." He waved his hand as he looked for the word.

"Pornographic?" The tension between you broke and two of you laughed, all worry melting instantly. "No...not always. But, uh, I guess it doesn't exactly bode well if our Writer found their inspiration for us in that AU."

Eddie swallowed hard and felt his face heat up again, for a different reason this time.

"It wasn't that bad," he muttered and you shook your head at him with a fond chuckle.

"No," you replied. "It wasn't. But, uh, I was kind of hoping you wouldn't see me naked without...I don't know, me being the one to show you."

The realization hit him too, that all of that...was all of that...was that all against both of your wills?

Sort of?

Kind of?

"It's ok," you assured him, seeing the conflict taking over his features. "I, uh...it happens a lot differently for us if either of us didn't actually want to have sex."

"Got it," he nodded, a little relieved that meant you wanted him just as much as he wanted you. But then he paused as he realized the implication...and what that meant for you in the past.

He was about to ask, to check and see if you were ok, but you quickly moved back to the original topic.

"If the Writer has found inspiration again," you began. "That means we need to be on the same page. We need to work together and support each other, because who knows what they have in store for us.

"There are a million types of stories out there. Daring adventures, fluffy romances, angsty heartbreaks. It's a bitch to deal with, honestly. We already know that this Writer wants us together, and they've already thrown wrenches into our relationship. With Steve...and Chrissy...plus the sheer unpredictability, if this dream was anything to go by...it's going to be difficult.

"So you need to be prepared," you said with a tone of finality. "We can't...you can't do what you did earlier. You've gotta keep your cool. There's no escaping this. For either of us. And you can't really fight it, but if you try to, there's definitely ways that it could make things worse for us. There's no way we can stop this until it's over. Until the story this Writer wants to tell is complete."

You reached across the table and covered Eddie's hands with your own.

"I know it's hard and I know it sucks for your world to be turned upside down," you told him gently. "But you need to hold it together. You need to listen to me, trust me. Otherwise there's no telling what might happen."

Your eyes were full of desperation, full of care, and as much as he wanted to question things--question everything--he knew now was not the time or the place.

So he assured you, without a hint of doubt or question in his voice, "I trust you."

Then he turned his hands so your fingers could twine together, and he squeezed.

"And don't worry," he smiled. "You can trust me too."

Next Chapter: Friends to Lovers

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[munyusz]

average episode where arthur is knocked out/dead/otherwise occupied and john has to fend for himself:

john: arthur? john: ARTHUR?? yorick: he is gone, my King john: what do you mean gone? he can't be gone, this is his body--oh. yorick: it seems possession of it was transferred over to you--for the time being, at least john: no, this can't be, why do I… why do I feel all of it? john: I… I can move! yorick: isn't this nice, my King? john: …yes… it's… ah, those joints really don't bend that way… i've been wondering. would have gotten us out of quite a few tight spaces john: "us"… john: arthur!! where is he? yorick: not present, i'm afraid. his spirit has left its rightful vessel john: he can't be dead! not again! yorick: he isn't, my King john: good! good. can you find him? yorick: *pauses with spooky sound effect* excuses my King, but he is beyond my sight john: what use are you?? yorick: but i believe one of the books in this room contains a scrying spell that can locate Master's whereabouts john: which book? yorick: the one with the seal of the Wasp Mother on the cover *sounds of fumbling* john: jesus christ arthur, what is going on with your legs…? ah… here. the wasp mother. yorick: are you certain of this course of action, my King? john: what do you mean? yorick: is the possession of this body not what you once wished for? finding its rightful owner will put him back in control of it again. are you willing to give up your freedom to be a mere voice again? john: silence! john: I'm… i am… john: . . . john: no *hopeful piano notes of positive character development* john: i am no longer that kind of… person. I might be still unsure of my place in the world, of who I am to be if not the King in Yellow… but this much i know: i would not, will not, betray my friend in such an inhuman manner. john, quietly to himself: not again yorick: how splendid, my King. your conviction is truly inspiring. john: don't. just don't. john: anyway, let's get this scrying spell started…. john: . . . john: i don't understand the language. where even is the spell? yorick? yorick: from page fifteen till the diagrams of the human soul. as long as it's chanted clearly and uninterrupted, it should work without a problem. john, voice deep and distorted: Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet--is this right? yorick: excellent, my King john: alright. *deep breath* john, voice deep and distorted: Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua hello john apologies for the deception but i wanted to make sure you started reading so i thought it best not to announce myself

[local-omen]

bad batch finale thoughts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

first of all damn. like damn. they really did it. those crazy sons of bitches did it. they ended this beloved show in a way that was cathartic, happy, full of tension, and did all the characters justice. my faith in star wars has been restored. i am so happy

—— the tension was unmatched this whole episode. like narratively, killing off tech told us as the audience that no one is safe, there’s no plot armor. so the whole time i was like omg they’re all gonna die but they dIDNT BECAUSE THEYRE THE BEST IN THE BUSINESS AND BECAUSE THEY HAVE LOYALTY AND LOVE FOR EACH OTHER AND THATS WHAT THIS HAS ALWAYS BEEN ABOUT. LOYALTY AND LOVE. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

—— CROSSHAIRS HAND IM SOBBING there is something so heart wrenching but amazing about his 'shooting hand' being taken away from him. it's like the physical embodiment of why he was created but now that he's free of that embodiment, he can choose to be whatever he wants. such a good choice narratively imo

—— that elite task force was badass i'm obsessed with their designs and their fighting styles i kinda wish we got more of them but they were also terrifying

—— crosshair finally made the shot that mattered the MOST. i love him so much. like he seriously means so much to me idec

—— still bummed that tech is actually dead (no he’s not haha loser i’m happy in my delusions). while i do think it’s technically more realistic for clone soldiers bred to die and raised with the expectation that they’ll be killed in battle to lack emotion, i think the lack of emotion this season was to its detriment. however i will say that the “clone force 99 died with tech” line was so good it pretty much made up for it lol

—— THE ENDING WAAA A A AAA A. A A A A. A AAA. A A A A A. A A AAA AAA AAA AAAA A A AAAAAA A A. omega and hera best friends confirmed. they were rebellion pilots together. omega is in the rebellion. like that is just the perfect ending to her character i can’t even. because of course she would. and i love her. i’m so proud of her. she is the heart and soul of this show and anyone who hated her is prolly feelin realllll silly right now

—— damn we’re really just not gonna know who the cx 2 operative was huh. like. he really was just a guy

—— that last shot of tech’s glasses almost got me i fr almost cried. he would be so so so proud of omega. he would be proud of all of them

—— omegas and hunters older designs mean everything to me. just. storytelling through clothes will never not be my favorite thing. her little skull patch 😭🫠 the bandana 🫠🥲

this show means so much to me, truly. it has inspired me artistically, comforted me, and connected me to some amazing people. i don’t even feel stupid for writing all these thoughts about a ‘silly little star wars show’ because damn it this is what art and stories means to people!! this is how powerful they can be! i do not need to hide behind jokes and irony to communicate how much this artistic work means to me!

<3

[tobiasdrake]

Digimon Adventure 01x40 - The Four Heavenly Kings of the Mountain of Evil! Dark Masters / Enter the Dark Masters

Previously on Digimon Adventure: The Chosen Children discovered Vamdemon's ultimate weakness: Forceful, repeated nut shots. After wailing on his vulnerable point until he fell over and died, they bid farewell to their loved ones and fucked off via rainbow magic without explaining anything to most of their confused, scared parents.

It's cool, they'll be back in like a minute. Thanks, time dilation!

The Four Heavenly Kings are a quartet of Buddhist devas who preside over the cardinal directions. They're kind of a big deal in Buddhist mythology and they come up a lot in Japanese pop culture. Anime and video games love the Four Heavenly Kings.

They're the Kais and the Supreme Kais in Dragon Ball. They're the Saint Beasts in Yu Yu Hakusho. The Elite Four in Pokemon. The Four Giants that must be rescued in Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask. They're all over the place.

Notably, despite being called "kings", they are rarely the top of the hierarchy and typically serve a single master who stands above them all. The Heavenly Kings bend their knees to Taishakuten, supreme ruler over all devas. He governs from the peak of a great mountain at the center of all directions.

So where you find Four Heavenly Kings in media, you will often find a supreme lord of the center who sits above them. (Though not necessarily always; Yu Yu Hakusho, for instance, omitted that part.)

Digimon, too, has its Four Heavenly Kings. In fact, like Dragon Ball, it has multiple sets - with the penultimate villains of Adventure 01 being a corrupt and evil version of the concept, which is also not uncommon with Heavenly King portrayals.

They were not the first to come up with "Four Heavenly Kings BUT EVIL" and they will not be the last. Heavenly King references are a fun and easy way to fill in the top-dog super-elite enforcers for your primary bad guy.

So, without further adieu, we open this episode on the introduction of the titular Dark Masters, who govern four of the five traditional elements: Water, wood, metal, and slapstick comedy.

Spoiling their names a bit but I'm not gonna spend this whole scene calling them Clown Bro and Gatling Puppet. Piemon, pronounced "Pee-eh-mon" and not "Pie-mon", kicks us off. He's secretly monitoring the humans back in Japan, observing the Chosen Children preparing to return.

He's doing this through the truly ingenious method of pointing a giant-ass telescope at the reality tear in the sky and looking at Japan with his eyes.

Piemon: Those fools wear masks of fear, waiting in futility for peace to return. Such a wonderful sight to behold! MetalSeadramon: (bursts from the water) This is stupid! We should attack! Pinochimon: Their flow of time moves differently from ours. We should take our time and pick them off one by one. Like him! Mugendramon: (silent, but for heavy breathing)

The camera slowly pans up Mugendramon's metal body. I'm not 100% certain on what Pinochimon is suggesting here, but I think he wants to use Mugendramon's cannons to, like, shoot up into the sky rifts and snipe humans while they're frozen in the glacially-moving time of the other world.

A horrifying thought. We should probably close those rifts.

The dub understood the assignment with Piedmon.

Piedmon: Hahaha! Those bit players are frozen with stage fright! Hopelessly waiting for the moment they'll be saved! And yet, there's an unseen twist to the plot! MetalSeadramon: I say we cut to the punchline and go straight for the action! Puppetmon: Oh please, that would be boring! I want to play this drama to the hilt! Let's pull out all the stops and give 'em what they paid for.

Piedmon's voice is basically perfect. He's being performed as an overenthusiastic virtuoso. For Puppetmon, they go a different direction; Pinocchimon is voiced like a young boy, while Puppetmon has this scratchy sneering voice like a little weasel man.

Far from the bestial roar of the original, the dub's MetalSeadramon sounds like a twenty-something young man with a southern twang in his voice. Interesting choice. That could get annoying or be hilarious. We'll see where that goes.

Machinedramon does not get to breathe heavily into the mic because they cut the part of Pinocchimon's line that calls him out and puts attention on him. So now the camera pans over him for no apparent reason while Puppetmon is talking.

Depending on whether my understanding is right, I could see them changing his line because holy shit that's violent and dark or because they, like me, weren't exactly sure what he was saying. Might be censorship, might be "Huh?"

Piemon: The Chosen Children will return soon. Our boredom is at its end. Now! Let us leave the dressing room! The stage curtains are rising!

Spotlights shine on each of the Dark Masters to punctuate his words.

Piemon: The title is: The End of the Chosen Children!

In the dub, Piedmon continues off of Puppetmon's changed line.

Piedmon: I'm in complete agreement! A quick victory would be a letdown. The DigiDestined will be on Spiral Mountain soon; We must rehearse before they get here. It will be their FINAL PERFORMANCE!!!

As a silence-breaker, he introduces them each individually to the audience when the spotlights come in.

Piedmon: MetalSeadramon! Puppetmon! And Machinedramon! I present to you the downfall of the DigiDestined!

The dub's front-loading a lot of proper nouns, though they never have a chance to name Piedmon. They even name-drop Spiral Mountain early.

While the Dark Masters make their plans, the children arrive in the Digital World and take stock of their surroundings.

Taichi: Are we back? Mimi: I think so.... Koushiro: We should be. Takeru: Is it night-time? Yamato: Looks like.

Sora looks up and suddenly lets out a shriek.

Sora: EHHHHH!?!? EVERYONE, LOOK!!!

Looking up into the sky above, they can see the island of Hokkaido floating in the sky above, as if the blue sky were the ocean. Hokkaido is one of the biggest parts of Japan, so this is very much like looking up and seeing Texas distantly floating upside-down in the air.

Group: WHUUUUUUH!?!? Taichi: H-HOKKAIDO!?!? Yamato: IS THAT EARTH!?!? Koushiro: We're able to see Earth from here, the same way we could see the DIgimon World from Earth earlier.

Poor Koushiro having to explain the obvious to his shocked colleagues. Sitting there like, "Come on, guys. We already know this is happening."

As a small microaggression towards my kid, Taichi's uncertainty and Mimi's confirmation is flip-flopped in the dub so that Tai's certain and Mimi's confused.

Tai: Well, it looks like we're back. Mimi: Back where? in the Digital World? Izzy: That's affirmative. T.K.: It's dark. Matt: Yeah! It's kind of weird!

The resulting line doesn't make a lot of sense. Where do you think we went back to, Mimi? The McDonalds we bullied Joe at? Not to be outdone, however, Matt promptly forgets how night works to take the pressure off of Mimi's dumb question. XD

I think they all have cosmic jet-lag.

Sora does not shriek when she notices the sky.

Sora: HEY!!! LOOK UP THERE!!! Group: WHUUUUUUH!?!? Tai: Talk about weird! Matt: Could that be Earth!? Izzy: It's merely speculation but it seems to be a reasonable facsimile. We see Earth from here like we saw the Digital World from Earth.

They cut the regional reference to Hokkaido which I actually think was a bad call. Japanese kids could reasonably recognize that island in the sky but Americans have no idea what they're looking at. It just looks like an ink blot.

So when the kids are like, "IS THAT EARTH!?!?"

Like.

Is it? Doesn't look like Earth to me. That is a weird dark shape in the clouds, not a planet. This is a confusing moment in the dub.

This might have been a good time to have, say, Joe chime in with a line like "I recognize that island; It's one of the biggest islands in Japan!" That way, the kids watching would understand what they're supposed to be seeing, because it is not clear at a glance with zero comprehension of Japanese geography.

Suddenly, Jou hears something rustling around in the brush.

Jou: Hm? Gomamon? What are you doing down there, Gomamon?

He walks over to where the sound's coming from, sifting through the grass. Gomamon pops out of Jou's duffel bag nearby.

Gomamon: Jou! I'm over here! Jou: Eh? Then who's this--GYAAAAAGH!!!

Chuumon erupts from the grass, attacking Jou and clawing at his face while screaming in a panic. The ground shifts, opening up a chasm beneath Jou, and Chuumon leaps away to safety.

Gomamon: JOU!!!

Jou grabs onto the newly created cliffside for dear life.

In the dub:

Joe: Hm? Gomamon? Hey, where are you? (Joe follows the sound, but Gomamon pops out of Joe's duffel) Gomamon: Joe, I've been snoozing over here! Joe: Huh? Oh, well we'll just save the world without you then-- (Joe gets attacked, then falls off a cliff) Gomamon: JOE!!! Joe: Wh-whoa! ...I didn't need this.

Again, weird scripting choice here. They replace his last line with a snarky gag, but visually Joe returns his attention to the spot he was investigating (and gets attacked for it) without indicating why he's still poking around that patch of grass.

Joe's understated whine of a silence-breaker is fantastic, though. He's so used to peril at this point that his reaction to falling off a cliff is basically a stone-faced, "Really. Okay." XD

Koromon, Tsunomon, Mochimon, Tokomon, and Pyocomon all take Jou getting attacked as encouragement to evolve into their Child-stages, ending their recovery periods. Plotmon remains Plotmon and Palmon trips, falling on her face in a funny moment in the middle of the dramatic charge.

Agumon, Gabumon, Patamon, and Palmon all move in on the attacker in the grass, but Hikari calls out.

Hikari: STOP!!!

Approaching the grass, Hikari crouches down and gently, softly addresses the terrified Digimon hiding in it.

Hikari: Don't be scared. You don't have to be scared. I'm not going to hurt you. You can come out.

Trembling in fear, Chuumon slowly emerges from the grass, then collapses in front of the kids.

Palmon: It's Chuumon! Mimi: You're right! That's Chuumon from File Island! (Chuumon opens his eyes at the sound of their voices.) Chuumon: Mimi-chan? Palmon?

We briefly flash back on better, or at least less despondent days, when Scumon and Chuumon met Mimi way back when.

Chuumon: I'm glad... you came back....

That's all Chuumon manages to get out before passing out.

In the dub:

Kari: HOLD ON!!! (Kari approaches the grass and crouches down) Kari: Come out! You're among friends. We won't hurt you. Don't be afraid. (Chuumon emerges) Palmon: Oh my goodness! It's Chuumon! Mimi: He looks terrible; What he needs is a complete makeover. (Chuumon opens his eyes at the sound of their voices.) Chuumon: Mimi? Palmon? (Brief flashback of meeting Mimi) Mimi (V.O.): Something bad happened. Sukamon and Chuumon used to be inseparable! (Flashback ends) Chuumon: I'm so glad you came back to save us....

They remove the part where Mimi ID's Chuumon as specifically the one from File Island, which is kind of important because there was a separate Scumon and Chuumon among PicoDevimon's shitty recruits earlier. Then again, the dub might not know those are different Digimon, given the confusion they had about Kuwagamon "following us from File Island" during the Etemon arc.

It's fine, though, because the flashback that follows does the job anyway. Plus she still calls them out in her silence-breaking flashback narration, so nothing is lost by the replacement of this line with a signature Mimi Quip.

It's actually Kari's dialogue that I take issue with. Not for the lines she says but the tone of voice. Rather than the soft, gentle tones that the original uses, she talks to Chuumon in her normal speaking voice. It's a small thing but it dampens the emotional impact of the moment and its demonstration of Hikari's sensitive empathy.

It doesn't ruin the scene, though; It just means the tone of the moment isn't as strong as it would otherwise be.

Suddenly Jou calls out, reminding everyone that he's still dangling off a cliff.

Jou: HEEEEEY SOMEONE HELP!!! Gomamon: Oops, I forgot!

Gomamon bounds over to the edge of the cliff to help Jou, only to be stymied by his biological limitations.

Gomamon: Waugh!? Jou: Gomamon, give me your hand! I can't climb back up on my own! Gomamon: (looks down at his flipper) Now, when you say to give you my 'hand'....

This is a callback to the Unimon episode way back on File Island; Jou's first spotlight episode. There, he'd ribbed Gomamon for offering to lend a "hand".

Taichi and Yamato arrive, looking at the ravine beyond Jou.

Taichi: This is...! Yamato: AH! Taichi: Jou, climb back up!

Jou briefly looks down, seeing that the ravine is deep beneath him, and shrieks. He scrambles to pull himself up, while Taichi and Yamato grab him and help pull him back onto the grass.

Jou: Help me! Yamato: Come on, hurry! Taichi: Grab on!

Once Jou's safely back on the ground, the three boys look into the deepening ravine, watching chunks of the landscape crumble and fall into it.

Yamato: What is happening here...?

In the dub:

Joe: Would somebody mind helping me!? Gomamon: Whoops, I forgot all about ya! (Gomamon runs over to Joe) Joe: You forgot. I'm hanging here by my elbows and you're off in la-la land! Gomamon: (looks down at his flipper) Gee, I wonder what it's like to have elbows? (Tai and Matt arrive) Tai: Joe!? Figures. Matt: Huh!? Tai: Hey, quit fooling around! (Joe looks down and shrieks; The boys pull him up.) Joe: Just help me, will ya!? Matt: Work with us! (Matt looks at the collapsing landscape) Matt: What's happening!? Everything's gone wacko!

The "hand" bit is replaced with Gomamon getting distracted by a non sequitur. Tai's dialogue is rewritten to be mean to Joe.

While everyone's dealing with Jou and Chuumon, Koushiro tries to contact Gennai.

Tentomon: Have you found Gennai-han? Koushiro: No, I haven't been able to get through.

Meanwhile, Mimi cradles Chuumon in her lap while the group gathers around him.

Palmon: He looks a lot less scared after seeing your face, Mimi. Piyomon: He must have been running on pure adrenaline. Sora: The poor thing.

Chuumon wakes up in Mimi's lap.

Mimi: Chuumon? Chuumon: Mimi-chan? You're really Mimi-chan! Mimi: That's right. What happened to you? Chuumon: (silently flinches away from the question) Palmon: Where's your pal Scumon? Chuumon: He's... He's dead!

Making that admission, Chuumon starts bawling. We cut to a flashback of Scumon and Chuumon living carefree lives on File Island.

Chuumon (V.O.): After Mimi-chan and the others left File Island, we spent our days peacefully like usual. Then, one day out of nowhere....

A huge earthquake rips through the island. Scumon and Chuumon run for their lives, but Scumon falls into a massive chasm that opens up. Chuumon calls after him, but a wave of darkness ushers up from the chasm, blowing him away.

Chuumon (V.O.): The powers of darkness enveloped the world. Then, to make it easier for darkness to rule, they reshaped the entire world....

In media, it's generally agreed that if you don't see a body, the character's going to come back. Digimon don't leave bodies behind, however, so just take my assurance that there's no trick here.

Scumon is actually dead. We will not see him again until 02, after he's had a chance to reincarnate at Primary Village. He was one of probably many casualties unluckily caught up in the Dark Masters' upheaval of the landscape.

In the dub:

Tentomon: Are you trying to get a hold of Gennai? Izzy: Well, I'm not playing Solitaire! (Cut to the kids gathered around Chuumon in Mimi's lap) Palmon: Chuumon's a mess! I wonder what happened to him. Biyomon: Well, whatever it was, it wasn't very pretty! Sora: Poor thing! (Chuumon wakes up) Mimi: Ah! Chuumon! Chuumon: Mimi.... I wasn't dreaming; It's really you after all! Mimi: Poor thing. Why don't you tell Mimi all about it?

I had issues earlier with Kari's voice but Mimi's tone here is perfect. I love the way she uses her own name as an emotional prybar to get Chuumon to open up, having recognized the unique influence she has in this moment.

Palmon: What happened to your friend Sukamon? Chuumon: I-I... I'm afraid I lost him.... (Chuumon starts bawling and goes into flashback) Chuumon (V.O.): After you guys left File Island, Sukamon and I went on with life as usual. You know, eating, eating, and more eating! When suddenly.... (The chasm rips apart File Island and Sukamon falls into the darkness below) Chuumon: I never saw him again! A powerful evil force took over the land, causing all kinds of bad things to happen! Then it rebuilt the Digital World so it would be easier to conquer! I've been hiding ever since.

The dub doesn't directly state that Sukamon's dead, but they don't unwrite his death either. They leave Sukamon's fate up in the air.

The kids have some questions about that last thing Chuumon mentioned.

Taichi: They reshaped the world? Koushiro: Into what?

Cut to an ambiguous length of time later; The sun's risen, so they must have been traveling a while to get here. Still carried in Mimi's arms, Chuumon shows the kids to the base of a colossal, twisting landmass composed of various biomes streaked up from the earth below.

Chuumon: Some places here or there are ruins of what they used to be, but most of it has been twisted up into that mountain. It's called Spiral Mountain.

Like many proper nouns in the Digital World, the name "Spiral Mountain" is in English.

Yamato: Spiral Mountain? Joe: I can't believe the Digimon World has changed so much....

Yeah, the Dark Masters reshaped the world into their own literally twisted version of the compass center Shumisen; The great mountain at the center of the universe upon which sits the heaven of the devas.

In the dub:

Tai: You mean the Digital World is completely changed from what it was? Izzy: How is it different? (Chuumon shows them to Spiral Mountain) Chuumon: Everything's been discombobulated and taken apart! The Digital World has been relocated way up there! It's called Spiral Mountain! There's nothing left here of the old world except some ruins! Matt: So you're saying it's all up there. Huh. Joe: Color me cynical but nothing surprises me about this place.

"The Digital World has been relocated way up there" is an awkward way to explain this. The Digital World hasn't been relocated; It's been reshaped, with most of its geographic mass twisted up into Spiral Mountain.

We are, right now, standing in the Digital World. We're just in the scant non-mountain bits that were left over.

As an aside, I like Joe's parting quip at the end of this exchange. XD

Taichi has more questions for the traumatized Chuumon.

Taichi: What happened to the other Digimon? Like Leomon? Chuumon: I don't know. But I've heard that everyone who's gone against them has been destroyed.... Sora: Against who? Chuumon: (hushed whisper) ...the Dark Masters....

The phrase "Dark Masters" is also in English.

Taichi: So then we have to fight these Dark Masters. Chuumon: FIGHT!?!? YOU'LL NEVER WIN!!! NEVER EVER!!! Taichi: Hey, we brought down Vamdemon! Mimi: It will be okay! As long as all eight of the Chosen Children are together, we can save the world!

Mimi's trying so hard to reassure Chuumon, but the very thought of these kids trying to resist the Dark Masters chills him to his bones.

In the dub:

Tai: Where did all the other Digimon go? Are they up there too? Where's Leomon? Chuumon: I don't know. But from what I've been told, they'll destroy anything that tries to get in their way! Sora: Who will? Chuumon: Who? The Dark Masters! Tai: Well, they couldn't be too much tougher than anybody else we've wrestled with before. Chuumon: No way! They'll beat the pants right off of you! Tai: We got rid of Myotismon, so we can get rid of them too! Mimi: Don't worry about it. As long as the eight of us are together, we'll keep those big bullies away from you!

This whole exchange is semantically very different, particularly when Chuumon gets in a pissing contest with Tai about how tough the Dark Masters are rather than panicking and screaming. But it's all lateral changes, I think. Same ideas expressed differently, nothing objectionable or especially noteworthy.

Suddenly, a deep, bestial laugh fills the air around the kids.

MetalSeadramon: HUHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! CHOSEN CHILDREN!!! I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU!!!

The ground in front of them explodes into smoke and debris, then MetalSeadramon's titanic body erupts upwards from the smoke.

Chuumon: IT'S METALSEADRAMON!!!

Alright! Go ahead, Taichi. Go fight him. We'll wait here. :P

(In seriousness, Taichi's assessment was fair. The Dark Masters are each on the same level as VenomVamdemon. Chuumon has a different frame of reference because Ultimate-stage Digimon are so rare and mythical as to basically be unheard of.)

In any case, it's time for MetalSeadramon's rundown. He's an Ultimate-stage Data-type Cyborg Digimon; The Data Ultimate for the Deep Savers evolution tree, evolved from MegaSeadramon.

Narrator: MetalSeadramon. An Ultimate-stage Digimon whose entire body is covered in Chrome Digizoid, the strongest metal. He boasts colossal power and tremendous speed.

"Chrome Digizoid" is English. Well, Digizoid is a made-up word, but "Chrome" is English and Digizoid is English-like.

The kids run for it. MetalSeadramon moves quickly, swooping through the woods and smashing through the group. Though he fails to get a solid hit on anyone, he sends the kids tumbling to the ground in his wake.

Yamato: (trying to get up; pained) How can he move so fast with a body that huge!?

Over in the dub:

MetalSeadramon: HEEEHEHEHAHAHA!!! I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU, DIGIDESTINED!!! (MetalSeadramon erupts from the ground) Chuumon: OH NO, IT'S METALSEADRAMON!!! Chuumon: (rundown) This guy is one real hard nose! And I mean hard nose! Take my advice: This is one train that you would rather miss. (MetalSeadramon attacks, knocking the kids down) Matt: (trying to get up; pained) Okay, if that's the way you want it, we can play rough too!

Another instance of the dub swapping out dialogue to make the kids look stronger and more battle-hungry.

Chuumon's diegetic rundown sucks. The original rundown gives salient explanations for why MetalSeadramon is a force to be reckoned with. Dub Chuumon just says "He's really tough, trust me."

Getting up, the kids and their Partner Digimon prepare to fight back.

Taichi: Let's go, Agumon! Agumon: Got it! Yamato: Gabumon! Sora: I'm counting on you, Piyomon!

All eight Partner Digimon evolve to their Adult forms to throw down with MetalSeadramon.

It does not go well.

In fact, it goes tremendously unwell. Fighting him at -2 stages was a terrible idea.

Tailmon does manage to jerk aside before he can fucking eat her but they're still losing this fight badly. And embarrassing themselves in front of Chuumon who was already convinced the kids were screwed.

In the dub:

Tai: Let's go, Agumon! Agumon: Gotcha! Matt: Now it's our turn!

Sora's line gets snubbed. Rude.

Love the confidence on Matt, though. "Now it's OUR turn!" exclaimed while basically whipping out a switchblade to face down a gatling gun.

The dub makes minor edits to MetalSeadramon's brutal beatdown. The shot where his tail slams into Togemon is cut down; We see her go flying but we don't see the hit that threw her.

Dub Angemon inexplicably calls his Hand of Fate attack while getting bodied like the rest. They got to do their stock animation attacks and then get bodied, but he didn't get to do a stock animation attack first so I guess he got jealous.

Similarly, when Gatomon lunges at MetalSeadramon's face and immediately has regrets, she calls Lightning Paw in the dub. The original Tailmon was just... trying to tackle him in the face. Which is a terrible idea, so having her at least call an attack there makes sense.

Flying overhead, MegaSeadramon makes victory loopies in the sky.

Takeru: ANGEMON!!! Hikari: Tailmon.... MetalSeadramon: HUHAHAHAHA!!! As if you could win against me! Mimi: Why is this happening!? It's eight against one! (Koushiro suddenly looks up from his laptop with alarm) Koushiro: MetalSeadramon is an Ultimate-stage Digimon! Adult-stages can't win against him no matter how many there are! Taichi: He's Ultimate-stage!? Jou: Why does our first opponent have to be such a powerful one!? MetalSeadramon: You're finished. ULTIMATE STREAM!!!

MetalSeadramon's Ultimate Stream fires from the cannon on his nose, annihilating the landscape around the Chosen Children in a massive energy explosion. The eight Partner Digimon all wrap themselves around their partnered children to shield them from the blast.

Seriously, though, I said it for dub Matt earlier but I'll say it again here. You gotta love the sheer cockiness. Riding high on their victory against Vamdemon, they thought they could stroll in here, throw a few Meteor Wings and Mega Flames around, and the Dark Masters would roll over and die for them.

They thought VenomVamdemon was as bad as it gets. They were not prepared for more Ultimate Digimon.

In the dub:

T.K.: Angemon! Kari: Oh no! MetalSeadramon: (loopies) YOU SHOULD KNOW YOUR POWERS AREN'T STRONG ENOUGH!!! Mimi: How come he's beating us so badly!? (Izzy suddenly looks up from his laptop with alarm) Izzy: Ah! It's because he's a Mega Digimon, and even eight Champions can't overtake one Mega! He's stronger than all of us combined! Tai: Then we're lost without more power! Joe: Ever notice we're always in the wrong place at just the wrong time? MetalSeadramon: Now it's time to take one nasty ride!

Dub MetalSeadramon does not call his attack.

We go to commercial following MetalSeadramon's attack and come back to the kids recovering in a dark place.

Angemon: (cradling Takeru) Takeru, are you hurt? Takeru: I'm okay. Thank you, Angemon.

Angemon nods, but then they hear a low, bestial growling. Angemon whips his head around. There's something out there in the mists that he can't make out. He sets down Takeru and picks up his Holy Rod.

Takeru: What is it? Angemon: There's something here. I'll go take a look.

In the dub:

Angemon: (cradling T.K.) T.K., are you alright? T.K.: I thought I was broken, but I guess I must be okay!

The dub frequently misses sound cues for plot points that are strictly auditory, but they do capture the bestial growling that sets off Angemon here. Points for that.

T.K.: What's the matter? Angemon: Wait. I'll be back.

Angemon takes to the air, trying to scout ahead. In the distance, a metallic whirring sound revs up, and two bolts of light begin to glow in the mist.

Then they fire.

Before he knows what hit him, Angemon's pummeled by twin cannon shots.

Takeru: ANGEMON!!!

Regressing into Patamon, he flops helplessly across the grass, landing in front of Takeru.

Takeru: Patamon! Patamon, hang in there!

Mugendramon wheels forward out of the mist. And I do mean wheels; He doesn't actually walk, but rolls forward motionlessly like his feet have roller skates under them or something.

He roars aggressively, saying nothing. Koushiro checks his laptop, bringing us into our second Dark Master rundown.

Mugendramon is an Ultimate-stage Virus-type Machine Digimon. The Virus Ultimate from Metal Empire, completing the set with WarGreymon and MetalGarurumon. His name is derived from the Japanese word mugen, meaning infinite, and of course dramon/dragon. Mugendramon is the Infinite Dragon.

Koushiro: (laptop) Ah! That's another Ultimate-stage Digimon! Narrator: Mugendramon. An Ultimate-stage Digimon who wields unbelievable power. His special attack is Mugen Cannon.

Angemon took two shots from the Infinite Dragon's Infinite Cannon. It's a wonder he's even alive.

Over in the dub:

T.K.: ANGEMON!!! (Angemon reverts to Patamon and flops on the ground) T.K.: Oh no! Poor Patamon! (Machinedramon emerges) Izzy: (laptop) Ah! Be prepared for another Mega Digimon! Izzy: (rundown) He's called Machinedramon. This metallic mutant can blow out a Digimon just like a birthday candle!

The original rundown for this wasn't exactly super explanatory. It just said "Fucker strong." Izzy says the same but in the weirdest way possible. He's trying to make a quip out of it but, sorry Izzy, they can't all be winners.

Everybody Super-Evolves to face Mugendramon, except Angemon who is still slacking. Once in their Perfect stages, they have a plan. The plan is "Get him".

Not a great plan. Taichi endorses it because of course he does.

Taichi: Get him! Beat him up! Hikari: But we can't win.... Taichi: Eh?

Rushing Mugendramon in a mob, the Digimon try in vain to close distance. Mugendramon kicks back, enjoys his firing position, and mows them all down in a barrage of Mugen Cannon fire. This was a terrible plan of attack.

In the dub:

Tai: Come on, guys! Show him what you're made of! Kari: Hope they're made of something strong enough! Tai: Huh!?

Kari seems more onboard with this plan than Hikari was, though still more realistic than Tai about their chances.

Mugendramon keeps up the assault. One of his shots hits Angewomon, knocking her out of the sky. Hikari tries to catch her but her tiny child body gets crushed under Angewomon's larger bulk.

Good effort, Hikari. Eyes were a little bigger than your arms, though.

Mugendramon's assault destroys the landscape beneath the kids, and they fall deeper into the dark place. Then they gradually drift to a stop, still floating in the air.

Koushiro: We stopped. Mimi: Where are we? What's going on?

Mimi's question goes unanswered as more pressing priorities emerge. WereGarurumon suddenly, out of nowhere, throws a punch at Garudamon and clocks her across the face. Garudamon recovers and comes back with a right hook.

Yamato: What are you doing, WereGarurumon!? Sora: Stop it, Garudamon! You're on the same side!

Garudamon and WereGarurumon continue fistfighting.

Garudamon: I'm not doing it on purpose! WereGarurumon: My body... It's moving by itself! Sora: (confused) Your body's moving by itself?

An unseen force suddenly jerks Sora's arms up into an odd pose. Cut to Jou, hanging from Zudomon's horn, who's jogging in place.

Jou: W-What's going on!?

In the dub, Mimi makes a salient point about their odd predicament.

Izzy: We stopped! Mimi: I can't complain. It's sure a lot better than falling on our heads. (Digimon start fighting) Matt: Hey, can't you two take a break for one minute!? Sora: Yeah, come on! We're all supposed to be on the same side! Garudamon: I can't control it! WereGarurumon: That's right! Our bodies are doing this all by themselves! Sora: (skeptically) All by themselves, huh? OH! (arm pose) Joe: (forced to jog in place) I've always hated any form of exercise; What's happening to me!?

Dub Sora straight-up doesn't believe them when they explain they're being controlled. XD

It's Koushiro who finally notices the thin strings connected to each of them.

Koushiro: Ah! There are strings attached to us! We're being controlled! Pinochimon: Hehehehe... You finally figured it out. Koushiro: Who are you!? Pinochimon: Why don't you use your special little computer to find out? Here.

Using Koushiro's strings, Pinochimon manipulates him into typing at his computer to pull up Pinochimon's profile. Pinochimon is an Ultimate-stage Virus-type Puppet Digimon. He's the Virus Ultimate from the Wind Guardians line, sharing space with Piyomon and Palmon's evolutionary paths. His name and design are obviously based on Pinocchio.

Koushiro: Ah! He's Ultimate-stage! Narrator: Pinochimon. An Ultimate Digimon who places Number One in awful personalities! His special attack is Bullet Hammer.

Number One with a bullet, you say? A loaded god complex, cock it and pull it?

Gotta love the gradual decline in the these rundowns.

MetalSeadramon - He's ultra fast and powerful not to mention gigantic! Plus his armor is made from the strongest metal in the Digital World! Mugendramon - He's unbelievably powerful. So powerful, you guys. Pinochimon - ...he's very mean.

At this point, Piemon's rundown will just be "Piemon. (long silence) What a dick!"

The dub changes Pinochimon's name to Puppetmon.

Izzy: We've become string puppets! And someone's operating us! Puppetmon: (mocking) Hah hahaha hah! Well, aren't we a little smarty pants!? Izzy: Who are you!? Puppetmon: Wanna know? How about if I help you look up my profile on your special computer? Watch! (Puppetmon manipulates Izzy into typing) Izzy: (gasp) He's also a Mega Digimon! Izzy: (rundown) Puppetmon has a controlling personality and a rotten temper! Get him mad and he'll bop you with his hammer!

He'll probably shoot you with his hammer, actually, but the dub may be trying to avoid saying "Bullet Hammer". Though you can still clearly see that the head of his hammer is the cylinder of a revolver.

Snerk. Good, uh... good luck with that, dub team. I cannot wait 'til we get to his episode.

Upon meeting Pinochimon, Mimi wants to file a complaint.

Mimi: (furious) Again!? Why do these Ultimate-stage Digimon keep appearing one after another!? Lilimon: Mimi.... Pinochimon: Now, fly to the Last Stage!

Pinochimon yanks the kids' strings, sending them flying through the void. Then he addresses the Digimon left behind.

Pinochimon: You guys should hurry after them. BULLET HAMMER!!!

The revolver cylinder on his hammer fires off like a minigun, spraying the Partner Digimon and knocking them all out of their Perfect forms. Most regress to their baby forms, save for Agumon, Gabumon, and Tailmon as usual.

In the dub, Mimi's complaint to the management turns into her firing off a fantastic Mimi Quip.

Mimi: If you have to hit something, you should bop yourself for how you look in that stupid helmet! Lillymon: MIMI!?!?

Savage. Even Lillymon's shocked by Mimi's ferocity.

Puppetmon: I'm gonna have to let you go for now! (Puppetmon sends the kids away) Puppetmon: But I promise to destroy you! PUPPET PUMMEL!!!

Though they censor out the name of Pinochimon's Bullet Hammer, the footage of it firing remains unedited.

The children wake up at a Greco-Roman coliseum, groaning in pain. Based on the surrounding area, we seem to be in the desert from the Etemon arc, or what it's become in the reconfigured world.

A jovial clown balancing on a ball rolls out onto the stage.

Clown: Hello, good children! I'm here today to tell you all a funny story!

The clown holds up crudely-drawn crayon pictures to illustrate his story.

Clown: A long, long time ago, there were eight Chosen Children and their Digimon. The Eight Children and their Digimon were foolish enough to climb Spiral Mountain, where they all met a tragic fate at the hands of the Dark Masters. The end. Takeru: (angry) What was that!? That wasn't funny at all! Clown: I just told you what sort of destiny awaits you. You should be grateful. ^_^

Poor Takeru totally fumbled his Sense Motive check when the random clown arrived. XD He was actually expecting to be entertained. Did not catch the vibe of this conversation at all.

In the dub:

Clown: Well, hello there, boys and girls! And welcome! Today, I'm going to tell you an amazing story! (The clown holds out his crayon sketches) Clown: Once upon a time, there was eight DigiDestined. They went with their Digimon companions to try to save the world. The children and their Digimon discovered that in order for them to do it, they had to climb up to the top of Spiral Mountain. But to their dismay, the Dark Masters defeated them. So sad! T.K.: Hey, Clowny! Nobody's laughing at your story! Clown: Oh dear, I'm so sorry. Did I happen to mention the story is true? I wanted to give you a preview of the plot!

Pretty faithful, I'd say.

Suddenly, the clown's guise fades away and reveals him to be Piemon.

Piemon leaps to the top of a nearby column, laughing as he goes. From here, we go into our final rundown for the Dark Masters.

Piemon is an Ultimate-stage Virus-type Demon Person Digimon. Fittingly, he's the Virus Ultimate of the Nightmare Soldiers and the original Ultimate evolution for Vamdemon, as well as Phantomon.

Yes, over the course of this show the kids have had to fight their way through the entire Nightmare Soldiers evolution branch of Devimon -> Vamdemon -> Piemon while also taking a break to punch it out with Monkey Elvis.

As I mentioned before, Piemon's name is not "Pie-mon". It's pronounced Pee-eh-mon, because it's a reference to the comedic character Pierrot from traditional European pantomime performances.

His dub name Piedmon, however, is "Pied-mon", a reference to clowns being hit with pies. This is because the dub didn't trust American nine-year-olds to be familiar with Victorian-Era European Mime Lore. XD

Mimi: Wha--!? Chuumon: WAAAAAUGH!!! IT'S PIEMON!!! Narrator: Piemon. A phantasmal Ultimate-stage Digimon who comes and goes unexpectedly. His true nature is shrouded in mystery.

What a dick!

No, like MetalSeadramon, that is a pretty solid infodump. It tells us to expect Piemon to be a walking WTF.

To summarize what we've learned here: MetalSeadramon is huge, fast, and invulnerable. Mugendramon is unbelievably powerful. Pinochimon is unpleasant at parties. And Piemon has bizarre and esoteric abilities.

This all serves to set up the conflicts to come. Yes, even Pinochimon.

Over in the dub:

Piedmon: Hahahahahaha! Fools! Mimi: (gasp) Chuumon: AHHHHHHHHHH!!! IT'S PIEDMON!!! Chuumon: (rundown) He's a Mega Phantom Digimon of the worst kind! You never know what he's going to look like next!

This is the closest a Dark Master rundown gets to relaying the original information. Good job, Chuumon.

Just once, can we run into a Phantom Digimon of the best kind? Where's Ghost of Christmas Presentmon? That guy seems like he'd be fun to hang out with.

Finally, Taichi and Yamato are at their wit's end with all these Ultimate Digimon and decide to match power with power.

Taichi: We won't lose to you guys! Agumon! Yamato: Gabumon, I'm counting on you!

Agumon and Gabumon Warp-Evolve to face Piemon Ultimate to Ultimate.

Taichi: Go, WarGreymon! Show him what we're made of! Yamato: MetalGarurumon! Take him down and save the world!

WarGreymon leads with Gaia Force. Piemon sidesteps the attack. MetalGarurumon follows up with Cocytus Breath, but Piemon breaks out one of his swords and slices through the slushie onslaught.

In the dub, Tai kicks us off with a retort to Piedmon's story earlier.

Tai: Well, I think your plot needs a few rewrites! Agumon! Matt: Gabumon, you can do it! (Warp evolutions) Tai: Yeah! Let him know we mean business, WarGreymon! Matt: MetalGarurumon! Teach that joker a lesson he'll never forget!

Pretty snappy comeback for Tai there, especially to a thespian like Pie(d)mon. It's one thing to call him a dick but shit-talking his craft is really throwing down the gauntlet.

Too bad about those whiffed attacks, though.

After maneuvering through the pair's offense, Piemon comes back with his own signature move: Trump Sword.

It's sword-throwing. He throws swords.

Direct hits on WarGreymon and MetalGarurumon score instant KOs, reverting them back to Agumon and Gabumon.

Jou: I-It can't be! Sora: We can't win even with two Ultimates on our side? Mimi: He's just an Ultimate too, right? Piemon: Even though we are on the same level, you have only recently acquired your new power. You're mistaken if you think that is all it takes to win. Agumon: (pained) I'm sorry, Taichi....

Piemon was able to outfight WarGreymon and MetalGarurumon simultaneously, not because he's stronger than them but because he has much more experience in the Ultimate state. As a natural Ultimate who achieved this level the hard way, by rising through the ranks of Perfect and Ultimate evolution, he simply has them outmatched in skill and experience.

From there, Piemon goes on to give his team their formal introductions, despite Koushiro having already identified each of them. He's a showman; Let him have this moment.

Piemon: Permit me now to introduce the members that make up the Dark Masters. MetalSeadramon! (MetalSeadramon explodes from the ground, roaring) Piemon: Mugendramon! (Mugendramon smashes through columns to enter the coliseum, also roaring) Piemon: Pinochimon! (Pinochimon just sort of appears) Pinochimon: Personally, I wish I could have had some more fun with you. Piemon: And myself, Piemon. (Piemon remains a dick.) Piemon: Time flies in the blink of an eye when you're having fun. Now then. Who should die first?

In the dub:

Joe: This is bad news. Sora: Even two Mega Digimon couldn't put him down! That's really bad news! Mimi: Not to mention he's a fashion disaster! Piedmon: Your two Megas are newly Digivolved. How can you expect them to compete against an experienced and, might I boast, superior Digimon? Agumon: (pained) Tai... Sorry....

Mimi's question is replaced with a Mimi Quip. Fortunately, Piedmon still delivers the important information anyway and we get a Mimi Quip out of it so it's cool.

Piedmon: Please permit me to present my fellow actors in this captivating and charming comedy of errors! MetalSeadramon! (MetalSeadramon explodes from the ground, roaring) Piedmon: Machinedramon! (Machinedramon smashes through columns to enter the coliseum, also roaring) Piedmon: Puppetmon! (Puppetmon just sort of appears) Puppetmon: You thought you were through with me, but I wanted to have some more fun! Piedmon: And myself, Piedmon. (Such a dick.) Piedmon: We'd like to begin by asking for audience volunteers. Who would like to be the first to be destroyed? Oh come now, don't tell me you have stage fright!

No lie, I am loving the dub performance for Piedmon. They understood the assignment.

Piemon's eyes scan the group before falling on Mimi.

The moment she realizes he's looking at her, Mimi bursts out into tears, screaming and crying at the top of her lungs.

Mimi: No... NO!!! I'M JUST AN ORDINARY GRADE SCHOOL STUDENT!!! WHY SHOULD I HAVE TO DIE HERE!?!? Sora: (gently) Mimi-chan.... Mimi: I WANTED TO DRESS UP IN FASHIONABLE CLOTHES AND EAT MORE YUMMY THINGS AND GO ON A TRIP ABROAD AND-- Piedmon: Your whining is starting to hurt my ears! I'm going to start with you.

Just like that, Piemon gets target lock.

Mimi melts down in both versions, but the dub's meltdown is a bit different.

Mimi: I didn't even want to go to camp in the first place! I just wanted to go to the mall! Can't somebody else save this silly world besides me!? Sora: (surprised) Mimi!? Mimi: I want to be a normal kid and not have any big responsibilities! I mean, come on, is that too much to ask!? It's not fair! Piedmon: Ack! Your incessant whining is getting on my nerves! You will be the first one to go!

Original Mimi's meltdown is about the unfairness of having to die at such a young age with so much of her life still ahead of her. Dub Mimi's meltdown is about how much she doesn't want to be a child soldier which is valid but contextually off.

It feels like the dub team is trying to fill in a Mimi meltdown from scratch to avoid going as dark as the original subject matter. They do a fair job; It doesn't feel like it came out of nowhere. But lines like "Can't someone else save the world?" and "I don't want responsibilities!" still seem divorced from the specific grim predicament she's actually in right now.

Having made up his mind Piemon swiftly draws a hidden dagger from his sleeve and tosses it at Mimi.

Without hesitation, Chuumon leaps out of Mimi's arms, taking Piemon's knife to his chest. Chuumon falls prone on the ground, the knife disintegrating as quickly as it appeared. Weeping, Mimi scoops him back up in her arms.

Mimi: Chuumon! You have to hold on! Chuumon: Mimi-chan... When I reincarnate... Go on a date with me.... Mimi: CHUUMON!!!

With that utterly inappropriate yet entirely in-character bit of emotional blackmail, Chuumon disintegrates into pixels and joins his friend Scumon in death.

(So far as we know, she does not honor his last request, nor should she.)

The dub cuts the shot where the knife plunges into Chuumon, but keeps the shot of Chuumon falling to the ground with the knife stabbed into him.

Mimi: Chuumon! Speak to me, you poor thing! Chuumon: Mimi... It's time for me... to be deleted.... Mimi: CHUUMON!!!

His last request doesn't make it in; No surprise there. But they pull no punches about the fact that Chuumon definitely and without question died violently.

Someone, however, is not impressed by Chuumon's sacrifice.

Piemon: What a stupid Digimon. There's no reason to protect each other when you're all going to die here anyway. Taichi: We won't let you get away with this! Dark Masters: (all laugh together) Piemon: So, who's next?

Before he can pick his next target, another old friend suddenly cuts in.

Piccolomon's Pit Bomb does no damage whatsoever but flashbangs the Dark Masters, allowing him to make off with the Chosen Children. He carries them to safety within a cloaked invisibility sphere.

Takeru: Piccolomon! We were hoping to see you again! Piccolomon: So was I pi! Koushiro: You were able to reach us by creating a barrier that the enemy couldn't see? Piccolomon: That's right pi! Taichi: Piccolomon, we made it this way believing that as long as the eight of us were together, we could save both worlds. But-- Piccolomon: It's true that the eight of you are together pi but that alone isn't enough to win pi. Sora: What are we missing? Jou: Tell us! Piccolomon: (somberly) Unfortunately, we don't have time for that pi.

A wave of energy suddenly hits the barrier. What little time Piccolomon's trick bought them has run its course.

In the dub:

Piedmon: Chuumon was a fool!

The dub inserts a commercial break after Chuumon's death, then we return and watch him die again.

Mimi: T_T Oh, Chuumon! Piedmon: So, now that he's out of the way, who would like to be the next one to make their grand exit? Tai: Piedmon, you're gonna be washed up when we're through with you! Dark Masters: (all laugh together) Piedmon: Be my guest. Piximon: PIT BOMB!!! (Piximon takes the kids and bails) T.K.: Hey, Piximon! Perfect timing! Piximon: I missed ya! Izzy: Prodigious! You cleverly used a barrier to avoid detection. Piximon: I sure did! Tai: But you said it was possible to save the planet if the eight of us were all together! How come it's not happening, huh? What's up, Piximon!? Piximon: The truth is, being together is not enough. There's something else that you need to do to beat 'em. Sora: How are we going to find out if you won't help? Joe: Yeah, enough riddles! Piximon: This is something you will discover on your own.

The dub's gotten its wires crossed about the plot again. Piximon never said anything about the eight of them; His episode was well behind us when the Eighth Child plot point was introduced. Tai's beef should, as always, be with Gennai.

In the original, Piccolomon's like "Look you need more than just being physically present but I don't have time to explain because we are seconds away from getting murdered."

Piximon, on the other hand, is being cryptic for funsies.

Pursuing Piccolomon's invisibility shimmer, the Dark Masters gain ground. There is no escape.

MetalSeadramon: Found you. Piccolomon: I'm going to stop them pi! Make your way to Spiral Mountain while I hold them off pi! Yamato: You're going to stop them!? They're all Ultimate-stage! Piccolomon: I know that pi! Even if I can't win, I can still put up a fight pi! Taichi: I'll fight with you! Piccolomon: ARE YOU STUPID!? You're the last hope for the world pi!

MetalSeadramon hits Piccolomon's barrier with a direct shot from his Ultimate Stream. Piccolomon waits and lets the barrier absorb MetalSeadramon's shot, then emerges to fight the Dark Masters.

Piccolomon: I'm sure you can find pi what you're missing! When you do, you'll be unstoppable pi! Now go, Chosen Children!

Piccolomon smacks the barrier with his spear, sending it flying off much faster than before.

In the dub:

MetalSeadramon: Aha! Here you are! Eheheheheheha! Piximon: I'll try to stop them. Meanwhile, make a run for it and climb to the top of Spiral Mountain. But you better move it! Matt: You can't stop them! They're all Mega Digimon! Piximon: I know I can't win, but I should be able to distract them long enough for you to get away! Tai: I'll stay with you! Piximon: No way! Besides, we need you on Spiral Mountain; We're counting on you to beat 'em!

Though MetalSeadramon's nose beam went unnamed last time he used it, this time he calls the attack.

MetalSeadramon: RIVER OF POWER!!! (MetalSeadramon blasts the barrier bubble) Piximon: (emerges) Please go now. You have a very important task ahead of you. Once you succeed, no one will ever be able to stop you again. I know you will make me proud of you!

Strong parting words for what will be their final meeting.

As an aside, I love the name "River of Power". That is a fantastic "not-touching-you" name-like to Ultimate Stream. Well punned.

Sad that we lose Piccolomon calling Taichi a moron to his face. "I'm gonna sacrifice myself for you." "And I'll help you do--" "NO."

No sooner has Piccolomon sent the Children away than he hears Piemon call out to him.

Piemon: Piccolomon, is it? Do you honestly believe that you, a Perfect-stage, could win against us? Piccolomon: Say whatever you want pi!

From the barrier bubble, the children see a bright flash of light illuminate the coliseum once more.

Hikari: Piccolomon is dead. Narrator: After paying a heavy sacrifice, the children finally arrive at Spiral Mountain. But their fight with the Dark Masters has only just begun.

Boy, what a fun and joyous final adventure we've embarked on!

The dub changes things up here. They add some silence breakers as the bubble flies away.

Matt: He's stronger than he looks! Gabumon: He'll have to be!

Then they cut straight to the final shot of everyone watching from the barrier.

Kari: Do you think it's possible he can do it? Gabumon: I don't know, Kari! I hope so!

From there, we cut back to Piximon confronting the Dark Masters.

Piximon: Rrrgh! Piedmon: How can such a powerless Digimon even think about defeating us, hmm!? Piximon: Just call me a crazy little Digimon! Narrator: Will Piximon hold off the Dark Masters long enough for the DigiDestined to reach Spiral Mountain? Watch the next Digimon: Digital Monsters.

The explosion that indicated Piximon's death has been cut, as has the shot of the kids' bubble arriving at Spiral Mountain. But don't worry, they're planning to remix the shit out of this last scene at the start of the next episode. We'll see what became of Piximon; You just got to wait a week with hope and anticipation in your heart before coming back to watch him brutally die.

Weird choice but okay.

Assessment: I remembered this arc being dark but I forgot how quickly it gets dark. Remember the "goofy" harassers from File Island THEY FUCKING DIED. But don't worry, the virtuous trainer who helped Taichi figure his shit out is here and he ALSO FUCKING DIED.

To set the tone, this episode is a bloodbath right out of the starting gate. They want you to know that nobody outside our core eight is safe anymore. This is war and people are going to die.

The dub keeps up and handles itself pretty well. It even manages to keep up with the darkening tone using euphemistic language but refraining from talking around the deaths happening onscreen. Yes, that includes Piximon's, even if they did kick it out to next episode.

Even down to the execution scene, there's none of that "Capture them, put them in a cage!" stuff that previous arcs would have employed. "Who would like to make their grand exit?" is flowery but unambiguous in its meaning, especially after explicitly killing someone onscreen.

We're in for a fucking ride.

[that-ari-blogger]

A New Face (Separate Tides)

During its second season, The Owl House had hit its stride and wasn't slowing down. This is my favourite season, and that isn't an unpopular sentiment.

Separate Tides is the opening episode of this season, so it needs to recap the previous goings on and themes in a cohesive way for new viewers, and take the series in a different direction that stays loyal to those themes and plotlines. I think this episode does that well.

But this isn't a summary blog, this is a blog where I find something needlessly specific and gush about the implications of that something.

So... The Golden Guard is so ****ing cool.

Let me explain.

SPOILERS AHEAD (The Owl House, The Harry Potter Series)

I've mentioned in the past that The Owl House uses archetypal storytelling to a truly masterful degree. It takes tropes and meets them on a superficial level, then twists them in a way that adds depth and makes the series unique.

For example, the series is directly drawing inspiration from the works of Robert Galbraith, with Willow being the bullied kid with a passion for herbology, and Amity being the school bully who definitely has a crush on the main character. Both take the archetype and shake it up a bit, as is the way with parody, but the baseline is there.

This leans into the themes of being your own person rather nicely, as it makes the deviations from the archetype more important.

I took great pains to point out that Luz is the only character who doesn't fit the mould at all. She has no analogue and is her own person completely. She has nothing to restrict her.

However, leaves the analogue for the actual protagonist of Galbraith's books. Obviously, not every character from the series is parodied, but the chosen one main character seems like a weird one to miss out on.

I would argue that Mr Potter does have an analogue, Hunter Whittebane (Or Hunter Noceda or Hunter Demonne or even Hunter Clawthorn. Whichever name you prefer, its the same guy).

He is a child soldier, raised by his uncle and manipulated into giving his life away for the cause by an old wizard. He bears a scar on his face, and is technically half witch, half human.

Although we don't actually see any of that in Separate Tides. Instead, we are introduced to the Golden Guard, a character who is suave and cool and confident.

The first time we actually see this character is in the final scene of the previous season.

"Worry not, Kiki. We'll be keeping an eye on the inhabitants of the Owl House."

The Golden Guard is a goon, an elite goon, but a goon none the less. He is simply a character whom Belos turns to in order to get the job done.

But, I find the use of vernacular here interesting. Belos doesn't refer to the Golden Guard with any name, or even as a separate entity from himself. Not "he will be watching them" or "this is the Golden Guard, I trust him to get the job done". This character is referred to as "we". He and Belos are connected. This character is simply Belos' eye.

Then, in Separate Tides, it is established that, when Lilith fell from grace, she was replaced by the Golden Guard.

"He always got special treatment because he was the genius teen prodigy. But he's really just a brat."

So, this is a child, but a gifted child. Lilith is dismissive here, but not of the Golden Guard's skill, just his personality. This is someone for whom things come naturally, allegedly, and who has never had to work for his abilities. Allegedly.

"Unfortunately, you won't have the chance."

The Golden Guard's first line is just cool. He is calm and collected. He is in control. And he has just easily captured one of the protagonists.

I also love the little fact that he has spent the entirety of this voyage in a dimly lit room, eating crackers. The room has nothing to do in it except books. So, he was definitely just sitting there, reading, and had to improvise when King burst into the room. He's a bookworm with an ability to think on the spot.

I'm saying this guy would definitely play Pathfinder or D&D if he was given a chance.

Anyway, the Golden Guard's actual introduction comes fourteen minutes into the episode, and it immediately sets this guy up as a threat. He's martially competent, magically adept, and fully in his element. This is a character who revels in control, just like the Emperor.

And that link to Belos is interesting. Because forgive me for asking, why would an Emperor's elite goon be a child? As in, there has to be a connection to Belos beyond what meets the eye for the Golden Guard to be anywhere near where he is.

We don't get told that here, but we do see that this character's skillset is kinda similar to Belos', in theory. He's commanding, and he gets people to do what he wants. But in practice, this isn't Belos at all. This is someone trying very hard to be like Belos, but coming at it from a different angle.

I do, however, think that the Golden Guard's greatest strength as a goon is revealed subtly in this scene.

"The Emperor ordered me to slay one. I'm just following orders."

We've seen through Lilith in the previous season that Belos covets blind loyalty, and that is what the Golden Guard offers him. He doesn't know or care why the Emperor does what he does, he just follows orders.

Essentially, the Golden Guard is a traditional Disney villain at this point. He is fun, bisexual, charismatic, and a physical threat. The Golden Guard we get introduced to is enjoyable to watch, and it sounds like Zeno Robinson is having a blast voicing him.

However, there is one element of the Golden Guard that we get introduced to in this episode that might fly under the radar. The Owl House is no stranger to masks, and people putting on a show to get the job done, but when we are first shown the Golden Guard in this episode, he is taking it off.

The intro sequence of this season features three characters who are under Belos' command. Lilith, The Golden Guard, and Kikimora. It then unmasks them, with Lilith becoming apologetic, and Kikimora becoming more aggressive. But the Golden Guard sits between them, removing his own mask to reveal... a single purple eye.

The eye is the window to the soul, of course. But there is something to the manner in which this is happening. Kikimora has been angered to the point of lashing out, and Lilith has been brought low with remorse. The Golden Guard, however, is lowering his own mask and staring directly at you with an air of "I'm doing this of my own accord. I see you, you see me, your move."

I wonder if agency is going to be a theme with this character.

Final Thoughts

I love Hunter so much it is obscene, and there is a ton of ambiguity about him right from the bat. What is his stake in this? Who actually is he? And why does he have a purple eye?

As for the rest of this episode, Luz's guilt is starting to be expressed. In my opinion that is for the first time, but I have heard it said that this isn't a new character trait for her.

And Lilith... *sighs* There is a sentiment online as to the expedience of Lilith's redemption arc. Some people like it, others think she should have been "punished" more, and I would like to take a third rout.

I don't believe in punitive justice for fictional characters, and I certainly don't believe in telling writers how they should write. I do, however, think that it could have been slightly more interesting if the consequences of cursing Eda were explored more psychologically.

In any case, however, the series we got is the series we got, and I think it is perfectly fine, if not better, as it is. I don't see a point in getting angry online over what could have been.

Next week, I am looking as Escaping Expulsion and boy, do I have thoughts about Odalia Blight. So, stick around if that interests you.

Previous - Next

[inbarfink]

I mean, at the end of the day, technically almost every single Zim Vs. Dib episode is an embarrassment to Zim. Because Zim is a full-grown probably-centuries-old highly-trained-(former)-elite-alien-soldier armed with superior technology. The fact that he considers this Literal Child to be a threat to his plans would actually be extremely humiliating if Zim could ever admit the reality of the situation. Both in the cases that he’s right (cause having a child, even one with partial access to whatever-passes-for-advanced-technology on this planet be your worthy opponent is Extremely Lame) and in the cases that he’s wrong (because in those cases Zim just wasted a whole bunch of his resources - including a pimple with hypnotic powers, an all-powerful mini-mech and perfect virtual reality and a literal goddam time machine - on a 12 year old that no one listens to anyways)

I mean, jeez, how many times has Dib technically saved the Earth - not by stopping Zim’s latest scheme - but by being the target of it? Making Zim waste resources that should’ve gone into weakening Earth’s defenses or targeting its leaders and instead channeling all of that technology and Zim’s general malice and mayhem at this sixth grader? Again, Zim developed temporary hypnotic powers and wasted them on getting Dib to identify a flaw in his security system that he found. So while Dib technically lost that one battle against Zim…

He also kinda indirectly saved the world from a Zim who would use Pustulio’s Power for literally any other more useful purpose.

But, of course, if Dib could ever come to that revelation - he would absolutely hate it. Dib wants to be the cool hero who saves the world from a dangerous alien invasion via his wits and brainpower

Not the useful distraction that keeps Zim too occupied with one-upping him to actually be a credible threat to Earth. That would be very bad to his ego.

‘Enter the Florpus’ is kind of a great demonstration of that whole thing, actually. Because Dib claims to be ‘all that stands between Zim, and the annihilation of our world’ and despite ‘Florpus’ being kind of a more traditional heroic narrative for Dib - that still couldn’t be farther from the truth.

Because despite Dib being undisputedly the main character of ‘Enter the Florpus’, pretty every major action taken to foil Zim’s plan in the movie was performed by another member of Team Membrane

Such as Gaz

And Tak’s Ship

And Professor Membrane

And even Clembrane

And the most useful thing Dib actually did himself in that whole movie? Chase Zim for a bit 

That whole chase scene had them basically equally-matched for the whole of it, Dib didn't really get any closer to getting his hands on Minimoose and then he pretty thoroughly lost (before his dad came over to save his butt)

But you know, that was still probably an invaluable part of Zim’s defeat. Because Dib chasing Zim around for a bit was a distraction preventing him from somehow making things worse before Professor Membrane and Gaz and the other Competent People could come over to actually stop him.

Dib wasting time and then getting his ass kicked was so vital to Zim’s defeat and the salvation of the Earth - but he’d probably die from despair and embarrassment if he ever had to truly confront that fact.

[bestworstcase]

And what does Salem want? Narrative has been saying “end the world so she can rid herself of the curse,” and sure, that might not be it because it’s based on faulty assumptions. But wouldn’t her end goal be to get out of immortality?

well. the narrative has said a lot of things:

to “change the world,” qrow says, “is exactly what the enemy wants” (v4)

salem “can’t be stopped, can’t be reasoned with, and will not rest until humanity crumbles at her feet,” says raven (v5)

salem’s rebellion sought to “destroy their old masters” and “claim the powers of their creators for themselves, and in turn, perfect their own design”

millions of years after that crushing defeat, she tells ozma they could “become the gods of this world” and “create the paradise the old gods could not”—same goal.

”why spend our lives trying to redeem these humans when we could replace them with what they could never be?”—in essentials, irrespective of how you read her specific meaning, this is “why should we try to go back to the old ways when we could make something new?”

salem is doing all this to “tear down the huntsmen academies,” ruby says (8.5)

“you’ll only be helping her bring about the end, for all of you!” oz shouts in a desperate attempt to scare cinder out of bringing the staff to salem (8.6)

hazel believes she’s trying to create a “new world order” with no huntsmen academies and no kingdoms (8.7)

oz deliberately misrepresents the nature of salem’s immortality to support his claim that “all she craves now is release. death,” while trying to scare hazel into turning against her

tyrian believes she’s “destruction incarnate” and “wishes to see the end of it all!”

salem tells cinder “in pursuit of a new world, no cost is too great” (8.14)

in WOR episodes and her soliloquies, salem speaks highly of humanity and of the democratic councils but is utterly disdainful of the huntsmen academies (which exist to “protect a lifestyle,” in her view) and of ozpin’s “guardians” and “monuments” to a “so-called ‘free’ world”—her protégée grew up a slave in the heart of atlas, ozma’s crowning achievement—and she declares that his guardians will fail him, his monuments will fall, and that she “can’t wait to watch [him] burn.”

so… on balance, not only is “salem intends to change the world” the first thing we’re directly told about her, it’s also the narrative that aligns with both salem’s history (on three separate occasions in 6.3, she rejects the divine order and envisions a new world without the brothers) and everything salem herself has said (“in pursuit of a new world” + her specific ideological problems with the “lifestyle” huntsmen uphold, a lifestyle that turns a blind eye to child slavery, inequality, genocide—remember the faunus had to fight a war to stop the human kingdoms from trying to forcibly “centralize” the faunus population in menagerie (1.12)?—and relies on using children as cannon fodder while restricting all training in self-defense to an elite warrior class that more or less exists above the law, bc people who live outside the kingdoms don’t need huntsmen)

the only character who truly, unquestionably believes that salem wants to Destroy The World is tyrian, who is off his rocker.

everything oz says about her plans in v8 has to be taken into consideration that he’s 1. a practiced liar and 2. actively trying to manipulate salem’s agents by appealing to their fear of her, so he has a strong incentive to distort the truth—which he does, by misrepresenting her immortality as a ‘curse’ and lying about what the end clause is. (the brothers didn’t curse her, per se; they dropped her into the fountain of life and told her she could “rest” only once light was satisfied that she’d learned her lesson).

and then raven phrases “she will not rest until humanity crumbles at her feet” in an ambiguous way that could mean either “salem wants to destroy humanity” or “salem is going to confront the gods and get everyone killed again” depending on how much raven actually knows.

the other factor to consider is that. it’s really strongly implied in the lost fable that salem accepted that she might never be mortal again before she even incited the rebellion. “if she were to turn humanity against light and darkness, she could rid herself of their curse, or at the very least… she could make them suffer.” <- she hoped that she could find a way to become mortal again, but she knew it wasn’t a certainty. the god of light implied to her that only he and his brother could restore her mortality; she dedicated herself to destroying them anyway.

like. she made a choice, then. that she wanted to topple the brothers even if it meant she would never ever be able to die. and even after they butchered the world and left her deathless in the ashes for millions of years, even after she became desperate enough to throw herself into the pool of grimm… when ozma told her there was a way to call the brothers back and plead for mercy, salem didn’t hesitate even for a second before saying no. she has no interest in redemption.

if she wanted to die the only thing she’d have to do is go to ozma and tell him she’s ready to repent. they both know that’s what it will take for the world to be spared, salem humbling herself before the gods to repudiate her rebellion. and it’s not like salem has any pride; she says “it’s all my fault” with her whole chest and describes exactly how she erred with cinder in front of her whole inner circle (and ozma), and she calms down when yang tries to provoke her on purpose.

it doesn’t matter if she’s actually repentant or not. she knows the brothers aren’t omniscient; all she has to do is bow down and say the god of light was right about life and death and she’s sorry for being so selfishly arrogant. and then she could rest.

but… “we finally had freedom.” and “your monuments to a so-called free world.” and her song: “you can’t have my life/i'm not your sacrifice/you can try, but i’m free/and you won’t conquer me/i won’t crawl/most of all/i won’t fall/for you.” and hell even the myth she quotes to ozma when she rejects the mandate: “This land is no less hospitable than where we came from,” the people on the beach said. “But here at least we have control of our fates, free from the influence of others.”

freedom. over and over and over again, what salem wants is to be free; first from her tower, and then she finds her freedom in ozma’s eyes, and then immortality is her prison only for as long as she’s trying to kill herself to reunite with ozma but becomes her greatest weapon the moment she turns her attention to liberating the world from the tyranny of the brothers, and then she believes she’s found freedom with ozma again until he admits his true his intentions and:

she’s back in the tower again.

the divine mandate, ozma’s endless crusade to destroy her, to rid the world of her influence, to keep her in exile by casting her as the root of all evil while he tries and fails and tries and fails again to unite the world without her so he can summon his gods and be rid of her forever—that’s her tower, now. salem just wants to be free.

[nellie-elizabeth]

Doctor Who: Dot and Bubble (14x05)

Wow, holy shit. This season keeps getting better and better.

Cons:

I really only have one tiny complaint, and it's that I wish the walking thing had been done a little differently? I think, allegorically, the idea that they all need arrows and instruction to be able to walk around when they have their bubbles up all the time is a good idea. Like, often when I'm driving somewhere I should know how to get to on my own, I still pull up the map on my phone just as an extra sense of security, or because I never bothered to fully memorize which side street to turn down or what have you. So it makes sense on that level. But the part where Lindy is literally running into poles and desks and stuff read as a little too ridiculous. I wish it had been a little less literal? Like what if instead of running into stuff, it's that Lindy is overwhelmed by the variety of things she's looking at around her, constantly distracted and overwhelmed, and she needs to mutter instructions to herself in order to force herself to walk, and she still takes the sharp 90 degree turns everywhere because that's what she's used to. And then when faced with a monster right in front of her that's blocking her most natural path towards the exit, she freezes up and can't figure out how to make herself find an alternative route right away. That would work better than the scene where she's literally just running into a pole multiple times.

Pros:

But honestly! What a fucking stunning episode, with one of the best... I guess you could say, "twists", of any Doctor Who episode I can ever remember seeing. I'm not talking about the computers turning on the citizens of Finetime, I'm not talking about the home-world being taken over and not coming back to save everyone. I'm talking about Lindy and the others rejecting the Doctor's help at the end of the episode. That scene is an all time classic, instantly, I just know it.

But first let's back up and talk about Lindy as a character. I think this episode hinges on the way she toes the line the whole episode - you don't understand at first if Lindy is an example of her society, the same as everyone else, or if there's something special about her. Is she an exception to some rule, or just a coincidental POV character? She's terrified, but she tries her best - I was moved by the moments when she realizes how truly helpless she is without the bubble and cries out "I'm so stupid!" You feel a certain sense of connection with her utter helplessness and fear. She's so coddled, so trapped in her bubble, literally, that everything new and scary seems hostile to her.

So... she can be forgiven for not instantly trusting the Doctor and Ruby, right? Right? I mean, they're strangers who came out of nowhere, and she has no idea what's going on. She's just a girl in a socially dystopian scenario where everyone's so addicted to their phones that they've shut out the rest of the world, and she needs help!

That's layer one to what's going on here.

But underneath that layer, you start to notice other things pretty early on. We learn about Finetime, we learn that it's a place that only the most elite people send their children to work. We learn eventually that the very computer program running their lives has started to get sick of them and has decided to exterminate them due to the... inanity, the intolerable repetitiveness, of their pointless, vapid lives. This isn't a situation where everyone in the world is like these people. This is a situation where the wealthiest and most privileged have literally cut themselves off from experiencing anything outside of what they know, and it's a look at the reinforcement of certain beliefs that exist in that society, due to the extreme level of shelter these people are subjected to.

The way that privilege operates within the episode is also subtly and effectively condemnatory to the viewer, or at least to this viewer, in a way that really worked. I did note the whiteness of this world, specifically the white, blonde, stereotypically attractive, thin, able-bodied woman serving as our protagonist. She seemed to represent a type of person; she stands in for a type of ignorance and privilege that we recognize in our own world. But when that moment came at the end where Lindy and the other survivors reject the Doctor's help? You bet your ass I was scouring the background of the scene, searching for any people of color in the shot. I didn't find any. And yeah, it hadn't occurred to me that all the faces we see in Lindy's friend group, all the people we see in this whole world, were white - a white majority is burned into our brains as a default, it's what I, a white person myself, am accustomed to seeing on the screen.

I think the reason the scene at the end is going to stick in people's heads is because it's not a metaphorical bigotry the Doctor suffers in this moment. It's actual, it's in your face. These people aren't "symbolically" bigoted of the Doctor's otherness, they're literally just racists. They're fucking racists. And Lindy never was special - she only lasted as long as she did because her last name starts with a letter later on in the alphabet. She is utterly typical of the people in this world, and this world is a world of white supremacy, and that's all there is to it.

Ncuti Gatwa's performance of outrage and grief was absolutely stunning. I saw one reviewer talk about how it makes sense that the Doctor being Black hasn't been addressed on screen yet, as it would be a pretty wretched look for the show to cast this actor in the role and then have the character immediately suffer racism because of it. But at the same time, it should be addressed in some way, and here's the way in which it finally is. I was also moved by Ruby's silent grief. For the treatment of her friend, but also for the way in which something so evil and stupid and pointless is going to result in all these young people probably dying in the forest, all because they couldn't look past their ingrained prejudices to accept help from someone they deemed their inferior. Gatwa screams and laughs and it's clear that he's feeling so many things, such helplessness and bewilderment and frustration. I don't know how much the show will go into this, but it would be so interesting to have the character reflect on this moment where he realizes something completely arbitrary and out of his control actually has an impact on his ability to do his job well. The character has been a white man a bunch of times in a row, then a white woman, and now a Black man. The mind fuck of having direct evidence of how the world's prejudices work in all ways big and small... what an interesting avenue for the show to explore.

I should also bring up Ricky September, legend, gone too soon from this world, shoulda joined the Doctor and Ruby in the TARDIS and had a threesome with them, tbh. I love what this character represents. At first, he seems like the ultimate symbol of this vapid, image-obsessed, bubbled society, as he's shown mugging the camera singing twinkly little songs and being a sex object for his followers. But then we meet him, and he's a genuinely nice, thoughtful person who does his best to help Lindy. We learn that it's possible to live a life using the bubble for work and then logging off, learning more about the world through history instead of constantly partying and getting caught up in the moment. This story isn't really one about "kids these days on their phones with the TikToks and the blah blah blah." It's more about being entrenched in a loop, stuck with your head in the sand. And Ricky is someone who proves that there is a way to operate outside of that system. He's not necessarily a paragon of anti-racist virtue, but he's a dude who at least has taken some steps to push back against that automatic entrenchment, proving that such a thing can be done, even given the social pressures to sink into the reinforced bubble of prejudice. I also loved Ruby and the Doctor both having a crush on him.

And I love how his character winds up, a turning point where we're starting to realize that Lindy might not actually be redeemable as someone we need to be rooting for. Her sacrifice of her celebrity crush to the killer Dot was brutal, and it feels like such a good appetizer for the final scene of the episode, as the twist comes fully into play.

I think that without that final reveal at the end, this would still have been a good episode of Doctor Who. But with it, it's an all-time great episode. God, I already feel like I want to do a re-watch just to catch more of the build to that moment. I hope that next week we get more time with the Doctor, as we've had two Doctor-lite episodes in a row. But seriously - this season just keeps getting better and better as it goes.

10/10

[spyxfamily-yapper]

Father's Day is here!!! So of course Loid Forger is on the mind...

I feel like Twilight has this interesting role in terms of fatherhood. Because his main priority is to make Anya get Stellas, so in that way he is not really a great dad in the sense that he is pressuring her to do this one thing (and also pressure from Friendship Scheme as well without him even knowing) and that's all he truly cares about.

But...he also has to actually be a good father in order to have a good relationship with Anya and to make those around him see him as a good father. While also not actually embracing the role internally. Unlike with Yor, who I think truly is trying to embrace the role of mother even though it is fake, Twilight understandably tries to keep the roles of loving father and spouse as just what they are: roles. He can't get too attached, and if there is a conflict between playing that role and a mission's success, the mission always comes first. But...technically Operation Strix is his mission, the most important mission, actually. Which is why we have those moments of him reminding himself that he has to truly become that perfect father, and his family is his mission, particularly during the Cruise Arc.

"How could Twilight, the man of a thousand faces, forget how crucial it is to become the role?" (Episode 31 / Chapter 48)

"I know it was an emergency but I ended up having to leave my family yet again...What am I even thinking? The family is just another mission...No, this time my mission was this vacation..." (Episode 34 / Chapter 55)

There's this blurring of lines for him...it is hard to keep track of what parts of what he does are to perfectly fit the father role "for the mission," what parts are to maintain a good relationship with Anya "for the mission," and what parts are...maybe not for the mission at all. I feel like he would not need to constantly remind himself it's for the mission unless...part of him feels like he is doing some things that are not.

Which goes back to him being a father. I feel like there are a lot of ways to go about making a child do what you want, and as we saw with Nightfall's idea of how to deal with Anya, intimidation and intentional intense pressure are definitely a method of doing that. But Twilight...doesn't do that. Even though it might be the most efficient way of getting the mission done, he tries not to create that kind of environment and even seeks advice from Yor to build a positive relationship for Anya and studying and raising her in general.

A "for the mission" stance could be he needs to maintain the façade of the perfect father to Yor and everyone else around him so he has a good enough reputation to associate with Donovan Desmond, and parenting the way Loid does is just the best way to do that. But plenty of parents don't take any of their child's interests or wants into consideration, put a lot of pressure and expectations on their kids, (including Desmond himself) and are strict about everything. In an elite school like Eden, I would even expect that kind of parenting to be the norm, or at least fairly common. Forcing Anya to study for hours and work on improving her skills at extracurricular activities constantly even when she does not want to would probably be the fastest way to securing Stellas, and most likely, no one (who mattered for the mission anyway) would bat an eye.

And yet, Loid chooses to not do that. He pushes Anya to study, be friends with Damian, and try other methods like volunteering to get Stellas to possibly get close to Donovan, but it is never in a "ruling with an iron fist" kind of way. He is strict in a way, yes, but he seems to try to truly make Anya's time with the Forgers, however short he thinks it may be, a positive one. He takes interest in her favorite show to connect with her and hopefully make learning more fun...he allows her to keep Bond (even though it is with the threat of Anya not going to school) and cares for him because he know she cares about him...he highkey risks the entire mission during the Eden admission interview because Swan was pushing and insulting Anya (and Yor, too)...he rents out a whole castle to reward her for getting into Eden...he truly tries to understand her and meet her where she is at.

I think he thinks all of these actions away in one way or another as "for the mission," but he just truly has a desire to see Anya happy. It could be his main desire to create a world where no children cry, his personal experiences from childhood, his connection to Anya as an orphan...whatever it is, Twilight's natural instinct as a parent seems to be to lead with kindness. He sometimes doubts his actions as a father because it is a role he is not familiar with, but in a similar way to Yor, his instincts when it comes to parenting are generally good ones because he leads with care.

Loid is not a perfect father by any means but. I feel like I see a lot of people saying either "he's the perfect dad and loves Anya" or "he doesn't really care, it's all for the mission," but the reasons for his actions really fall somewhere in between. It really is for the mission, that's his job, and it's what he has been doing for years. And it really is from his heart, his desire to make a world where children don't cry, his desire to care for Anya. Both can be true.

That being said...Of course, it's infused with his need to accomplish his mission for world peace, but it's really lovely to see those moments where his desire to take care of Anya shine, and there seem to be more and more of those moments as the story goes on. He's really stepping into that father role more and more, and it gets more real as time goes on. (And I think the breaking down of his "no feelings" walls will really start to be broken by Anya, not Yor, as he keeps stepping into that role.)

Even though he's not a typical father, I really think that he's going about parenthood in the best way the best spy in the country working for world peace can do. (If there even is a scale for such a thing 😅) Whether it's for the mission or not, he really does care for Anya and puts her first, as every parent should.

i love this frame so much it fills me with so much joy. he is so FATHER

[ecargmura]

Pokemon Horizons Episode 56 Review - A Battle With Your Pal Rika

Pokemon Horizons never ceases to amaze me with how the elevate matches. If the matches from last week’s episode were great, this episode’s match is even greater. I was seriously on the edge of my seat the entire episode. It was just that good.

I can see why Rika is such a popular character, especially with the female audience. She just oozes charisma even with her laid back personality. I like her a lot more than I normally do now. I love that Horizons never makes anyone be pushovers in these matches. Rika may be the weakest of the Elite Four, but she was seriously a tough opponent here. I think that the Paldean Elite Four would be more respected by the fandom if they were doing Double Battles like in the anime. Rika was seriously a force to be reckoned with here with the way she makes her Dugtrio use Dig and then her Clodsire uses Sludge Wave just to attack the opponents and not Dugtrio was strategic. I also like that they use projectile moves and whenever Floragato gets close, Clodsire uses Poison Jab. I’m glad that Floragato got to learn Acrobatics in this match. The way the match finally ended with both Liko and Rika terastalizing, but Clodsire overpowers Floragato with Earth Power and secures a win for the Elite Four member. One thing I really liked about her was that she was trying to get Liko to relax by joking around and for her to find an answer on what battling truly meant. Like how Kabu helped Liko take a step forward in her battling journey, Rika helps her take another step forward. 

Liko was paired up with Katy, whom many may consider to be the weakest of the Gym Leaders, but she also was no pushover. I never had much thought for Lokix, but this episode seriously changed my opinion of him. Katy, both in-game and in the anime, had to hold back due to league regulations, but for this match, she went all out and she absolutely did. The way she made him purposely take the Poison Jab so she can activate his ability, Swam, and then got all out with Struggle Bug, Lunge and Bounce was serious animation beauty. I can see why people were lauding this bug. I see it now.

The match was seriously great. Liko even got fired up for the first time ever. Normally, she battles because she had to do so. This is the first time she is seen being very passionate about a battle and even had the desire to win. The person Liko was back in Episode 20 where she forfeited a match after being too mindful about Wakaba and the Liko now is like day and night. I love her growth here. The fact that she cried for the first time showed that she really put her all into the match. It really hurt to see her cry, but it was good development. Her dream is to understand Pokemon’s feelings and she finally understood Floragato’s strength and determination when it came to going all out for battles. Even Roy and Dot were so surprised to see her fired up for her next battle. Her battle piqued Grusha’s interest. Geeta even said that he rarely takes interest in others, so I’m curious to see how their battle will play out since it’s revealed in the new trailer that she’s going to battle him.

The side plot for this episode is seeing Terapagos getting lost once again. This time, Dot has to find it. I am seriously getting a little annoyed with that turtle wandering about as a plot point. However, there were some good things that came out of that debacle. Dot is revealed to be a fan of the Occulture magazine that you can find in-game. She also meets Penny who finally speaks. Penny’s role in the story is basically her role in the post game where she works as an engineer for the Pokemon League. She’s in charge of maintaining the Terastal Course system. However, there’s one person that’s on her mind and it turns out to be Chalce, who is disguised as Agepan (deep fried bread roll—befitting the food aliases that Sidian and Coral use). Her data just appeared one day and it’s bothering her. Hm, it seems that Penny will be the one to expose the Explorers. I like the little detail that Dot cannot recognize Chalce because she was in a rush to stop the machine, that she couldn’t get a good look at her face back in Episode 44. The Scarlet Book also appears with Terapagos interested in the drawing of Stellar Terapagos. Penny did mention that the book was written by Heath and I theorize that Heath may play a part in this story.

I’ll add in some voice actor trivia. Grusha’s voice actor is Chiaki Kobayashi. He appeared as the Scarf Psyduck’s trainer back in Pokemon Journeys Episode 57. Some of his non-Pokemon roles include Mash from Mashle: Muscles and Magic, Langa Hasegawa from SK8: The Infinity and Stark from Frieren: Beyond Journey’s End. Penny is voiced by Ryo Hirohashi, who voices Allister in Twilight Wings and in Masters. Some of her non-Pokemon roles include Tails from the Sonic franchise, Minoru Mineta from My Hero Academia and Luna from Sailor Moon Crystal. I think the voice actor choices are interesting. Penny’s voice suits her well. Grusha, on the other hand, might need some time for me to get used to since it’s a bit deeper than how I imagined it, but it does help people realize that he’s male.

I honestly can’t wait to see the future battles. The trailer got me hyped up because I am anticipating evolutions from Quaxly and Fuecoco. I’m also hyped because it will be 2 vs 2, meaning that the kids will use their second Pokemon in official battles for once! Finally! What are your thoughts on this amazing episode?

[piracytheorist]

Episode 35 screaming notes!

So what if I'm emotional over a fictional, fake family spending one day of vacations together?

I love Twilight's comment about how he's glad the SSS is looking out for the bombing threat (and we know it's in vain), but it still puts him on edge to be stared at like this. He trusts them to protect civilian life (and Ostania's pride and joy of a ship) but he doesn't trust trust them, you get what I mean?

We shan't forget. The one thing this man can't pretend to be is someone who is having genuine fun and we'll drag his ass about it and then cry because this is a direct result of his traumatic childhood

Loid blushing when he spots Yor is so precious. I think it might be him blushing half because she saw his dorky skipping and half because… well. He might be falling in love :)

He notices the swelling on Yor's face, but I think he wouldn't even suspect her at this point. He sounded mostly worried about her.

And of course, Anya wasn't plaguing her with questions because she knows all, but it's funny that neither went like "Isn't our super curious five six-year-old going to ask where this bruise and swelling is from?"

SCREAMS

The following montage was absolutely adorable, and the insert song just made it even cuter. I love how it was Anya who lead them to each activity; neither Loid nor Yor had to drag her around anywhere, their attention was on her and on what she wanted. They even explored a cave! She was their priority, she truly must have had an amazing time and this is such a sweet way to end this cruise!

I mean, look. One of the ways Twilight learns how to parent is by fearing 24/7 that his daughter may fall. Very normal things.

Maybe it's because I'm the youngest child, so whenever we were out as a family and I asked to do something my parents would usually decline, because they had two more kids to look after and a place to go, but I have a lot of appreciation for the Forgers going around the resort and stopping to do whatever and anything Anya asked to do.

Very normal man who is definitely not an elite-trained spy trying to fit in. Normal things.

And like. Okay. Yor looking at Anya with such a soft face as Anya is having pure unrestrained fun is one thing.

BUT THEN THEY HIT US WITH THIS???

OH MY GOD. MY GOD. THIS MAN IS IN LOVE AND HE HAS NO FUCKING CLUE.

Like, for real. I can't stop looking at this. It's just his eyes but there's so much longing and yearning in them and also some sadness because deep down he thinks that what he wants is something he'll never get but this is really deep because it'll take him about three to five business years to accept he's grown feelings.

Like. It's not just "growing feelings" anymore. You don't look at someone like THIS when you're just "warming up" to them. He'd grown so accustomed to life with the Forgers that after Yor was away - though in the very same ship as them - for a couple of days he went all yearning looks and doe-y eyes at her when he met with her again. He's in LOVE.

I am so excited to see how their dynamic will develop from now on! It's gone on an entirely new page!

Anyway. I love how Yor went like "Oh they might see the wound on my chest" for the snorkeling but when she saw they could wear wetsuits she went like oh that's okay then and DIDN'T WORRY AT ALL ABOUT THE FACT THAT SHE'D GET SALTWATER ON HER WOUNDS. THIS WOMAN EATS HOT COALS FOR BREAKFAST AND WHITE HOT IRONS FOR LUNCH.

I mean, I'm guessing she is a fast healer and her wounds are not openly bleeding anymore but still. Hardcore.

And of course she'd beat the shit out of sharks. It's funny seeing the trio try to come up with excuses now but I think it's going to be a different type of good post-reveal, cause they'll be like "I have nothing to hide" and act on their abilities without a single moment of hesitation. Imagine Yor beating up sharks and Loid and Anya looking at her with heart eyes.

Aw, but look at them snorkeling. It's Yor who is holding Anya. I wonder what Yor's thinking is on that since she thinks that Loid is Anya's biological father and has been longer in her life. I doubt she thinks anything bad about Loid, but it is something that would make someone wonder.

I was so impressed by everything in the episode up until that point that I completely missed what the dialogue there was XD I only had more thoughts after I rewatched it.

Anya is having fun looking at the colourful fish. Yor has hunting in mind. Loid is… not impressed XD

Though very light, this could be a reflection of their characters. Anya is a child full of curiosity for the world, easily impressed by new stuff; she loved the aquarium, and she loved seeing new fish from up close.

Yor's encounters with animals were either for hunting (for food) or with guard dogs from people she was sent to kill. She understands the concept of pet animals, of course, but it seems to be a "secret third option", as tumblr would say. Her first instincts are either hunting or fighting, and since those fish were too small to be any threat (I mean, she's confident about fighting sharks), her mind went to food.

And then you have Loid. His wide knowledge of the world has rendered him almost incapable of getting impressed. There's nothing new for him to learn in anything… except for child rearing, of course. And maybe human connection. And so, he seems to be looking at those two in the last shot.

Just like Gram, Anya gets thrown around by a professional, super strong assassin and she just goes like "Again!" And Loid doesn't even make a comment about Yor pushing Anya too strong. He really took to heart and meant it when he told Yor that her being strong is one of the things that make her an amazing mother.

AND THEN THAT SCENE

I had guessed right, as Yor had indeed not rested at all for the entire three days of the cruise and had a long and intense fight the night before. AND THUS FANSERVICE HAPPENS <3 <3 <3

DON'T MIND IF I DO <3

ENDO KNEW WHAT HE WAS DOING <3

No but seriously, there's a lot to love about this moment. Apart from how cute it is, Twilight at first only seems annoyed by how this attracts attention to them. He was already alert from how the SSS was looking at everyone, this would only add to his uneasiness.

But it doesn't take long for him to find an excuse for his wife. Blaming all her exhaustion on her work, being thankful for her going along with everything Anya asked to do, and smiling at her!! Bruh!! And he STILL can't see it, this man is such a good liar he can even lie to himself!!

Seriously the way Eguchi delivered those lines? Superb <3

AND THEN THE FAMILY THEME PLAYED AND I WAS LOSING MY MIND.

They didn't have to go so hard T_T It was a relaxing (and quite prolonged!) chapter to wrap up the cruise arc, but it was wonderful T_T

Even the Handler is up to him, though. Fullmetal Lady won't fall for his emotionally constipated bullshit.

AND I THOUGHT IT COULDN'T GET ANY CUTER!

She even drew the family in their colours! Yor in red, herself in pink, and Loid in a muted green! I can see Yor holding one of her stilettos, but what is the other thing? A rose? I don't think I can tell what Anya is doing in the drawing, but Loid looks like he's holding a bomb? Or a surfboard?

AAAAAHHH It was wonderful!! T_T

The parts with Yor and her coworkers and Yuri and Lieutenant Guy were actually added by the anime! I feel Yor about the gifts. I'm so bad at gifts you have no idea. And Yuri is on another level, he doesn't stop talking about his sister and he tells Lieutenant Guy "Are you psychic or something" and he's like "Sure sure". And this being this kind of show I was like "MAYBE???" but yeah no he was just messing with Yuri XD

Hey psst. You know what will look even more convincing? If you both slept on those pillows 👀👀 next to each other 👀👀

I was cringing so hard at the scene in the school! Anya! We love you as you are, you don't need to go embarrass yourself!

It was interesting, though, to see that Damian stayed out of it all. It's proof that he can mind his business and keep his opinion to himself. I hope he learns to do that more often.

Becky continues being best friend material <3 Anya is so lucky for real

It's been less than a week

It's so funny to me that the anime added the detail that it was Loid who picked the snacks for Yuri. I wonder how quickly Yuri would spit them out upon learning that XD

My mans tired. I felt kinda sad for him ngl XD

Okay, this was hilarious. His paternal instincts are starting to kick in to the point where he imagines teaching Anya the proper methods of deception. It was also funny that as Yuri was imagining his speech, I went like "Uhm you lie to your sister no?" and before I got to finish that thought, the excuses kicked in.

And Anya is starting to learn that actions have consequences.

This isn't what she manipulated two enemies of the state into adopting her for.

TWO EPISODES LEFT T_T I might have to pick up making crack recaps again for however long the next hiatus will last :'D