#that episode hit home one of my greatest fears

[shanedoesdoodles]

I started listening to the magnus archives since I was running out of videos to play in the background while I work and I'm starting to think That Was A Mistake

[miz-chase]

🥝🍇

🥝 What’s your favorite trope/AO3 tag to write?

First Time - Always fun to build AUs based on "What would happen if this was the episode they first hooked up in?" Both B&B and Rizzles have a ton of build up so it's always a fun game to figure out what, in that episode's context, would be the thing that pushes them over the edge.

Making Up - I love heart-achey angst with a happy ending. Starting off with unresolved fight/breakup/divorce is fun because, again, both couples spend so much time together that it's fun forcing them apart and having them cope with holding grudges and sustained separation. Also I am SUCH a sucker for who is the one brave enough to reinitiate contact and how awkward that can be

🍇 Is there a particular scene/episode/book/etc that you want to just write a million fics about, over and over? Which one?

B&B: Obvious answer: 6x09 The Doctor in the Photo. Brennan confesses her feelings to Booth, what could happen next? Does she pretend nothing happened and go on with her life (canon)? Does she quit? Does she stop working with Booth? Do she and Booth cheat on Hannah? Does Booth leave Hannah? Does Booth never show up at all and she's hit by the car? The episode is such a good AU flashpoint in the timeline to play with!

Less obvious but same questions: 3x15 The Pain in the Heart: How does she cope with the emotional fallout from Booth's fake funeral? 11x2 The Brother in the Basement: How does she cope with the emotional fallout from the dumbfuck thing Booth did and the knowledge that he would abandon her & the kids for a lost cause?

Rizzles: Okay I don't know the show as well as I do Bones (let's be real, I haven't watched either show to completion, I have a Thing about that). Since I can't rattle off specific episodes, I'm gonna cheat here and actually say that one of my favorite things to do is borrow from other crime procedurals as plots to throw the ladies into. Favorites include Bones 3x05 The Mummy in the Maze where kidnapper drugs you up with drugs to make you panic and exposes you to your greatest fear. Jane rescues a panicking mute Maura who struggles to function, let alone trust her, etc etc. Another is The Closer 7x21 The Last Word: Big Bad of your choice gets away on a legal technicality, Jane beats the shit out of them in apparent frustration, and turns around to use their blood on her fists as DNA evidence to plant against the Big Bad. Jane's fired, but gets the job done. Meanwhile Maura is home alone, Big Bad sneaks in, Maura saves herself right as Jane shows up etc etc

[3pirouette]

Fic: Timeless (1/1)

Title: Timeless

By: TriplePirouette/3Pirouette

Spoilers: Loki Season 2 (especially Episode 6), MCU through Endgame, Several of my own Steggy Fic

Disclaimer: They're not mine.

Distribution: AO3/Tumblr  Anyone else please ask first :)

Story Summary: for @behindthelabels for Steggymas2023/Steggy Week 2024 Day 5 “Inspired by”! Hauhet spends her days languishing in the Decoding and Intelligence office at the TVA, but when things start to unravel into chaos, she finds she, too, had a normal life on the timestream as one Agent Peggy Carter. 

AN: Inspired by the Taylor Swift song Timeless (Which is irrevocably Steggy) and Season 2 of Loki and the character of Oroborus. This was put on the back burner once I found out Behindthelabels actually HADN’T watched Loki season 2 and would understand none of this. I wrote her another fic, and said she’d get this as the non-returnable stocking stuffer she never asked for. Almost a year late, but, here you go! Thanks @steggyfanevents

Also, I decided to be REALLY self indulgent and reference a bunch of my own fic as AUs. I tried to include some of my "Greatest hits."

I highly recommend either listening to this song or looking up the lyrics before reading the story. From a random lyrics website: "The song is ultimately about a love so powerful that it would still come to fruition even under circumstances that made it close to impossible to exist."

Hauhet- Egyptian goddess of infinity

Tenses jump back and forth between past and present on purpose. I hope it’s not too jarring, but I felt it would be an interesting way to portray that everything is happening all at once and yet over and over again… 

Also see notes at the end of the fic…

~*~

Read below or HERE on AO3

~*~

It was, in a word, chaos. Time was branching, and without the branches being snipped, she didn’t know what would happen. 

That wasn’t her department, though. The little sign that said “Decoding and Intelligence” on her door kept her separated from the rest of the TVA and though she felt the need to jump into the fray, there was also a deep fear that she’d done that before and it had come to no good. 

That she’d suffered great loss. 

Some days, her little isolated office of books and codes felt like home. People so rarely needed her or visited her, but when she was needed to decode messages or break complicated cyphers, Hauhet knew she was appreciated. 

Yet, sometimes, her little office felt like a prison. 

If she thought too long, she couldn’t remember, exactly, how long she’d been there. She couldn’t remember when or how she’d gotten her job. She couldn’t quite remember what her home even looked like. But those thoughts vanished like the ether, quickly replaced with the urge to update her codex or rearrange her shelves of gadgets. The impetus to think never really left her though, and she spent most of her time alone feeling unsettled, like she was meant for more. 

She just knew she had to be ready, available, for when a time agent would come to her, needing help. Those were the times she felt like she was doing what she was meant to do: breaking cyphers, deciphering codes, solving mysteries. They never let her outside of the TVA, never took her with them on site, but she felt just a hint of value inside her. 

She had so much more to give. She knew that. She just didn’t know how to tell anyone else. 

Not that anyone asked, anyway. 

But the chaos outside of her door today stirred something deep inside her, and within a few minutes she hacked her data pad, listening to the conversations of those agents floors and floors away, discussing things that shocked her. 

They had been people. People in the time stream. 

She wasn’t just a worker at the TVA. She had been someone before that. She’d had a life and a family and she had had something so important that felt just out of reach to her into the annals of her mind. If she closed her eyes and concentrated she saw smart clothes in army green and bright blue and fiery red. High heels and dramatic hats. 

Red, white, and blue Stars and Stripes that made her heart flutter. 

All she ever wore was drab TVA khaki with her sensible sneakers and her hair in a tight knot at the top of her head. With a sudden burst of longing that had to be from something real, she missed the feel of soft silk on her legs and the powerful sound of high heels clicking on tile floors. 

There was a smile. 

She missed a smile. 

If she closed her eyes she could see it: bright teeth that were straight, but not too straight, soft pink lips, a little hint of a quirk on one side so genuine she could feel her heart melt. 

She’d had someone. 

Hauhet stood and paced her little room, running her hands over the bookshelves lined with thick tomes, new and old, chewing at her lip as she tried to get the nervous energy out of her body. 

It was a loss and a gift all at the same time: she’d had another life, but she didn’t know if she could find it or get back to it. 

Did she even want to?

What if… what if that life wasn’t as exciting as this one? What if she’d contributed even less? She picked up her Data pad, rolling it over and over in her hands. There was only one way to find out. 

Hauhet sat at her computer and pulled out a small set of tools, slipping her magnifying glasses on. It took longer than she liked, but eventually she had her data pad wired into her computer. 

With a deep breath, she input the search and waited only a few seconds for it to blink upon her screen. She pulled her glasses off slowly and watched…

~*~

“Well, what do you think?” Steve turns in a circle in the empty living room, pointing at the stairs to the second floor. “Three rooms and a full bathroom up there, half bath, kitchen, a den, and a living room here. Plenty of space downstairs in the basement for a washer and a dryer and a home office…” He shrugs, smiling. 

Peggy sighs, bouncing Mandy in her arms. “You don’t think it’s too big?” The baby giggles, reaching out her arms for Steve. Peggy passes her over before wandering away into the kitchen. “It just seems like a lot…”

”It is,” he quickly agrees. “It’s more than I ever had, that’s for sure.” He steps over to her, looking out the window over the sink, past the back porch and into the green expanse of the back yard. 

“More than I’ve had as well,” Peggy mutters, turning back to him. She taps her fingers on the stove before walking a slow circle in the kitchen, eyes roaming over every surface. “I’m used to barracks and hot plates now.”

Steve nods, his hand running over the downy hairs on Mandy’s head as she snuggles into his shoulder. “Yeah, well, there’s room to spread out,” he says gently, looking up with warmth in his eyes, “Room to grow.”

Peggy pauses, thinking about all the things they’ve said to one another, all the promises they’ve made, and for once, there’s about to be peace in their lives with little else to do but think about the future. The ring on her left hand is still new, and she turns it with her fingers anxiously. 

There will be time to think about growing. 

“It’ll be tight,” she starts, turning pragmatic as she moves past him and towards the front door, “on our pays.”

He follows, a bright spring in his step as he knows she’s made her decision. “I’m pretty sure they’re keeping us on the payroll, Peg.” He smiles at Mandy, bouncing her in his arms as he follows her out the front door. 

“And there’s going to be plenty of work to do to keep it up: mowing, gardening, taking out the trash…” she pauses, tilting her head as if she’s just thought about it. “We’re going to have to do our own grocery shopping. Cooking.”

”I’m sure Jarvis will take pity on us once in a while,” Steve chuckles. He joins her on the front step, closing the front door behind him and looking it over before turning back to her. “So?”

Peggy turns, still serious, looking at the door and all it represents. “What do you think, darling?” She reaches over and tickles Mandy under the chin. “Ready to have your own room? Leave the little government apartment we’ve called our own for a few months now?”

Mandy’s squeal and giggle are a resounding positive. 

“Alright then, darling, we’re all in agreement,” Peggy smiles up at Steve. “We’re going to be homeowners.” She leans up, kissing him quickly, but stopping him when he starts to speak again. “We’re not getting dog.”

~*~

Loop 1

Hauhet stood and paced her little room, running her hands over the bookshelves lined with thick tomes, new and old, chewing at her lip as she tried to get the nervous energy out of her body. 

It was a loss and a gift all at the same time: she’d had another life, but she didn’t know if she could find it or get back to it. 

Did she even want to?

What if… what if that life wasn’t as exciting as this one? What if she’d contributed even less? She picked up her Data pad, rolling it over and over in her hands. There was only one way to find out. 

Hauhet sat at her computer and pulled out a small set of tools, slipping her magnifying glasses on. It took her less time than it should have to wire her data pad to the computer, she was surprised at how easy it seemed. 

With a deep breath, she input the search and waited only a few seconds for it to blink upon her screen. She pulled her glasses off slowly and watched…

~*~

The music swelled, and Peggy couldn’t quite stop the welling of emotion in her chest. 

“I promise I’ll write ya,” Steve says loudly, loud enough that his voice carries all the way to the back of the empty auditorium. 

“And I’ll write you, every day,” she answers under the hot stage lights in her best American accent, stepping forward and putting her hand on his arm. “Just promise you’ll come home to me.”

He looks at her, stares at her for longer than he should, before saying his next line. “Hitler himself couldn’t stop me from coming home to you, Betty.” There’s a lilt in his voice she’s never heard before, a catch before he says her character’s name. 

The music swells again, and when the lights go out and they hurry off stage, she can’t quite seem to catch her breath. 

“You okay?” Steve asks as soon as they’re off stage, the lights raising again and filling the wings with warmth as the girls take center stage to sing. 

Peggy turns back to him, nodding and forcing her breath to even out. “It just…”

”Seemed almost real, right?” he nods, pulling her deeper into the wing and out of the way of the stage hands setting up the next scene change. He almost crowds her into the corner in his effort to give her some privacy while she composes herself. 

Peggy nods at him, wiping away tears that aren’t quite shed from the lash line of her eyes, the dark black stage eyeliner coming off on her fingers. “I almost lost you once, Steve, and I will not go through that again.” 

He leans down, taking her into his arms and letting her melt into him. “You won’t have to, Peg. I promise.”

”You don’t know that, you just can’t-“

”You won’t, I-“

”I hate to break this up,” Angie’s voice, full of her own thick emotion, floods over them, “because I’m sure you could use a minute.” She sniffs, wiping at her own stage make up carefully to lift the tears away. “I mean, you got me crying, too!” She reaches over and pulls Peggy from Steve’s arms gently, “But if we don’t move our asses we’re gonna miss the quick change again and you heard him- if he has to stop the show we’re gonna be here all night and I do not have another 15 hour rehearsal in me!”

Steve watches Peggy go, his arms feeling empty as Angie hurries her away to the little dressing screen they have set up for her. 

He felt it, too. Maybe it is the music, or the costumes. Maybe between the lights and the costumes, the backdrops and the speakers, it makes it feel like hyper reality. But whatever it is, something is different. It isn’t hypothetical anymore. She’d almost lost him once already, and as soon as they’re done here he’ll be on the front sooner rather than later, and she’ll be there, too, in just as much danger. 

And yet, his arms feel empty without her. 

He doesn’t want to write letters. 

He doesn’t want to go months without seeing her. 

He doesn’t want to go to bed one single night without her next to him. 

It is an amazing feeling, swelling in the sadness that had just filled him from their little, poorly written scene. 

He loves her, and he knows now he isn’t letting go. 

~*~

Loop 114

Hauhet stood and paced her little room, running her hands over the bookshelves lined with thick tomes, new and old, chewing at her lip as she tried to get the nervous energy out of her body. This felt like it had happened before. 

Could that be? 

Could time have repeated? Here? In the TVA?

It was a loss and a gift all at the same time: she’d had another life, but she didn’t know if she could find it or get back to it. 

Did she even want to?

What if… what if that life wasn’t as exciting as this one? What if she’d contributed even less? She picked up her Data pad, rolling it over and over in her hands. There was only one way to find out. 

Hauhet sat at her computer and pulled out a small set of tools, slipping her magnifying glasses on. The ease with which she was able to connect her data pad to her computer, something she’d never done before, told her that time was indeed not running correctly. 

It didn’t much matter right now, though. 

With a deep breath, she input the search and waited only a few seconds for it to blink upon her screen. She pulled her glasses off slowly and started to watch…

~*~

The rain pounded the top of her canvas tent, the little light she had flickered in and out as the storm raged. She couldn’t seem to get dry in her little tent, but then again, nothing had been dry in days. 

It felt like the war had come to a stand still. Both sides were trying to fight trench foot and keep people warm and alive. They didn’t have time to fight one another. Hydra seemed farther and farther away every day that kept her in camp and away from the front. 

Instead, all Peggy could do was pull out her little nub of a pencil and write. Again. 

Not that Steve minded. She was sure he didn’t, just like she didn’t mind any time she got a letter from him back in New York. She opened the little tin box she used to keep her paper dry and ran her fingers over the little picture of Steve she kept taped to the top. He’d obviously posed for it, had someone else snap it and gotten it developed just to send to her. It was the only thing she really cared about keeping dry, that and his letters. 

She ran her fingers over them, filled with stories from home and all the things he wanted to do with her once the war was over, all the things he wanted to say to her in person but would have to suffice in the written word. 

They were an ocean part, with only the vaguest of promises between them, but she knew, deep in her heart, that the frail boned man would be her destiny. She’d known the first time he’d smiled at her. 

She pulled out his last letter and started reading. It still astounded her that he liked her, that a smart, interesting, funny man like him could find something in her. She’d always been told she was too bold, too brash, for men to like her. All her life her mother had tried to get her to play a part to attract a suitor, and now, after Erskine’s experiment, she knew she wasn’t what most men would find attractive. 

Steve? Steve looked at her with love in his eyes and it astounded her every time. 

She read about the war effort and his experiments with Stark, his art projects and how much he hated watching the kid in the neighborhood have to go without birthday cakes because of rationing. 

She read his letters over and over again until she could recite them by heart. Some days, deep in a foxhole or shivering in the rain while she waited to raid a Hydra strong hold, reciting his words in her head were all that gave her hope. 

She loved him, and she was pretty sure he loved her. 

She just needed to put an end to this damn war, and then she’d be able to show him just how much. 

~*~

Loop 872

Hauhet stood and paced her little room, running her hands over the bookshelves lined with thick tomes, new and old, chewing at her lip as she tried to get the nervous energy out of her body. This seemed… familiar. This action, this moment. 

She’d lived it before.

The emotions weren’t new. They were old and worn in, even if she couldn’t remember ever feeling them before. 

She picked up her Data pad, rolling it over and over in her hands. There was only one way to find out. 

Hauhet sat at her computer and pulled out a small set of tools, slipping her magnifying glasses on. In seconds the interface was working. 

With a deep breath, she input the search and waited only a few seconds for it to blink upon her screen. She pulled her glasses off slowly and started to watch…

~*~

“Skinny Bastard,” Phillips mutters, shaking his head as he enters. 

Steve laughs, climbing down the ladder and out of the rafters of the stage. “You’re gonna have to stop calling me that one day.” He holds his hand out once his feet are on the ground, smiling when Phillips shakes it firmly. 

Phillips works hard to hide his smile. “You’re a day late.”

”Don’t go blamin’ him!” Angie’s voice carries through the empty auditorium. The building is almost unrecognizable to what it was a few years ago when they put on their first show. She weaves her way through the rows of seats, carrying garment bags of gowns in her arms. “All this one’s fault! 

“Now that’s just-“ Bucky’s words fall away as he sees Phillips’ stern look. “sir. Yes sir, I was just-“

”Dawdling? Like always?” He holds his stare for a moment, watching the way the poor man’s Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows before shaking his head and laughing. “I’m not your commanding officer anymore, Barnes.”

”No,” he responds, moving into he room with his arms full of stacked crates, “But you do put us up for the whole winter while put together a new show so I figure I should still, ya know.”

Steve pulls the crates from Bucky’s hands, stopping his rambling. “Go get the rest of it, will ya?”

”Yeah, yeah,” he mutters, dropping his head and heading out to Phillips’ amusement. 

Phillips follows Steve to where he drops the crates by the edge of the stage. “So what’s the big to-do? Ana’s been looking like the cat that swallowed the cream and won’t give any of us a damn hint.”

Steve smiles to himself as he starts to unpack the stage lights from he crates. “Peggy won’t be in the show this year.” 

Phillips watches him carefully. “I’d ask if there was trouble in paradise, but you’re still wearing your ring, and you’ve got that stupid, suspicious as hell smile on your face that I don’t like.” He leans back on the edge of the stage, watching as Angie weaves through the seats to head back out and help Barnes with unpacking the rest of the truck. “You let that wife of yours get a better offer from a club in the city?” 

Peggy’s voice rings out from the wings. “Oh no, I promise you, I wouldn’t miss this for the world.”

He looks over, but can’t see her in the dark. “Well then, what’s the damn secret?”

Peggy moves out, less graceful and less lithe than she was last time she was on this stage, hindered this time by the way her rounded belly leads the way. She lets her hand run over it, her dress tightening for just a moment so Phillips can see it. “Not much of a secret anymore, I’m afraid.”

”Skinny Bastard knocked you up!” he can’t help the smile that slides along his face. He claps Steve on the shoulder. “Congratulations, you two!”

Peggy waddles over to the edge of the stage, letting Steve gently lift her down. “I’m afraid I had to tell someone. Looks like our little one may be making an appearance before we’re done for the season. She’s helped me find a local midwife.”

”Good, good,” Phillips mutters, watching the way Steve absentmindedly stokes her lower back as he inventories his crate, the way her hand smooths over the rounded bump of her stomach. “Makes sense why he wouldn’t put you in the show.”

”Absolutely does not,” Peggy bites out, eyes narrowing. 

“Does too,” both men reply at the same time. 

She huffs, but doesn’t make a quip back. This is an old fight, and one she doesn’t want to rekindle now. 

“Jarvis!” Phillips calls, and the mana pops his head in the auditorium comically fast. 

“Yes, sir!”

”Did you know Carter was pregnant?”

”I believe she goes by Mrs. Rogers now, but yes, Ana had let it slip that-“

”Well, why in the hell are you still standing here? We have work to do!” Phillips stars moving away, despite Steve and Peggy’s protests. “we’ve got to make sure that cabin’s draft free, and that their hot water heater’s been checked and re-checked. Get that midwife on the phone for me, she’ll be staying here until that baby’s born. And another…”

His voice fades as he and Jarvis disappear from the room into he main part of the inn. 

“I told you,” Peggy mutters, leaning back on the edge of the stage. “He’s going to make an insufferably big deal of this.”

”Of course he is!” Barnes pipes in, carrying another set of crates in. “In my opinion, Steve is being way too cavalier about my godson being born.” 

“Or goddaughter,” Angie cuts him off quickly. “And he’s just being sensible, aren't you, Steve?”

”I’m trying,” he sighs, turning to Peggy. “I really think you should have stayed in the City. I could be back as soon as you go into labor and-“

”Absolutely, under no circumstances, will you miss the birth of our child because of show.” She raises her eyebrows at him. “Especially one you won’t let me in.” She softens, taking his hand and settling it over her belly where he can feel the soft kicks. “This is a family act, Rogers. Get used to it.”

”Yes, Ma’am.”

~*~

Loop 2,467

She didn’t think about it anymore, just let her body run on instinct. She’d been here before, she’d done these things before. 

With a deep breath, she input the search and waited only a few seconds for it to blink upon her screen. She pulled her glasses off slowly and started to watch…

~*~

“Damnnit, Rogers, run faster!”

Steve pumps his legs, jostling Peggy on his shoulder. “I’m running for two here, Jones!” He calls back as they move through the cavern, the walls shaking and collapsing around them. 

“Care would be appreciated!” Peggey called from over his shoulder where he was carrying her, her arms and legs still tied tight to her sides, a high pitched squeal leaving her throat as Steve narrowly jumped away from a tumbling boulder. 

“Speed might be better!” Jones called, hysteria creeping into his voice, jumping over a crack that appeared in the ground in front of them. 

Steve took the same widening crack, now nearly a full chasm, easily as dirt and pebbles started to fall from the ceiling. 

“Is this standard Hydra?” Jones called, slowing and climbing over a pile of rubble that stood between them and the exit. 

Steve took Indy’s hand, keeping one arm around Peggy and letting his friend boost him up and help him navigate the rubble. “Not really, no,” he replied loudly, never missing a step as the path cleared out in front of them once they were over. “But then again, I’m not that surprised, either.”

”Implosion or explosion?” Peggy asked, looking up at Jones from over Steve’s shoulder as he took the lead, using his nearly photographic memory to wind them back through the shaking catacombs. 

“Could be either,” Jones huffed, trying to keep up, “but I’m betting implosion. Easier to set this low in the ground.”

”Either one is bad,” Steve bit out, moving faster.

Peggy dropped her head, unable to hold on with her hands still tied to her sides. “Bit of an understatement, darling.”

”Are we having a chat?” Indy bit out sarcastically, overtaking Steve again as the dying sunset shone through the small entrance of the cave. “I’d like to get as far away from the bomb as possible, please!”

Jones shimmied out of the small hole, then reached his arms back in, carefully grabbing Peggy around the hips as Steve set her down and wiggled her through the opening. Jones had her in his arms, though a little less gracefully than Steve, and was running as soon as her feet left the ground. 

“Steve!”

”Steve will be fine,” Indy puffed out, breathless as he moved across the empty desert terrain. “He’ll be better than us if he’s close.”

”Won’t be close,” Steve called out, just a step behind, “Let’s move!”

 He reached out, pulling Peggy from Jones’s arms and both men pushed their legs even farther and harder. 

They felt the explosion before they heard it, the ground shaking beneath their feet. Indy and Steve tumbled to the ground, both men wrapping themselves around Peggy as they tumbled, working to keep one another safe. 

They skidded to a halt just in time to turn and look at the small mountain they had just been under crumble in on itself, spewing dirt and sand into the air. When the cloud settled and the ground stopped shaking, when they could blink their eyes open again and when the dry coughing from the dust-laden air stopped, there was only a crater filled with rubble where there had once been a secret Hydra base. 

“Implosion,” Indy muttered, humming. “Told ya.”

Steve sat back, pulling his helmet and gloves off, wiping at his face where stark lines of dirt streaked where his helmet hadn’t covered. “Told ya It’d be bad.”

Indy pulled his hat off his head, hitting it to get the dust dislodged. “Well of course it was going to be bad, Rogers, it was a self-destruct.”

”Hydra doesn’t always-“

”Well of course they always-“

Peggy huffed, lifting both feet and slamming them back down in the dirt, getting the attention of the men as they talked over one another as they let off the adrenaline of the last few hours. “I’d get up and leave you two to your bickering,” she started, wiggling in place as the ropes that tied her together were still laced across her chest and down around her legs, “but I seem to be having some trouble. Care to help?”

She raised her eyebrow at them, waiting as they both stared at her, jaws hanging open. 

“Well?” She asked again, wiggling her hands at her side when they still didn’t move. “Untie me!”

Indy leaned back, smiling. “You know, you're the one who ran off and got captured. Seems it’s in our best interest to keep you from running off again, don’t you think, Steve?”

Peggy huffed, but Steve shrugged, sitting back. “I think slowing her down a little bit isn’t a bad idea.”

”You wouldn’t dare!” Peggy bit out, starting to get truly incensed. 

Steve shrugged as he and Indy stood, wiping the dust off themselves. “I could use to know where you are for a bit, Peg.” He smiled in a way that was usually cheeky and charming, but only served to increase her ire. He reached down, even as she started squirming, and hoisted her over his shoulder again. 

“You put me down and let me out of this right now!” She wiggled, but didn’t fight against his tight grip too much as he started walking back the mile and a half to the jeep in step with Jones. 

“You heard him, Peg,” Indy said, his voice full of smug teasing. “We gotta know where you are.”

Peggy lifted her head, throwing Indy a harsh look before she flopped back down. “Don’t think I won’t forget this,” she muttered. 

“Don’t think I’m gonna forget you scaring the shit outta me,” Steve replied, “by intentionally getting yourself captured.”

”Language!” Indy interjected with a smile. 

“Well, it worked,” Peggy muttered, her fight gone. “Hydra’s lost another base and we have a lead on Schmidt.”

Steve didn’t say anything, but she felt more than heard his grumble. 

After a few quiet minutes, Peggy finally spoke again. “Well, joke’s on you, darling, I’m getting a lovely break back here, with a lovely view, and you’re doing the work for both of us.”

Indy laughed next to them. “If you want to leave her here, Rogers, I won't tell anyone.”

”Nah,” Steve responded, gently tightening his hold on her as the Jeep came into view, “I’ve grown a little attached.”

~*~

Loop 12,356

Hauhet could hardly breathe. She couldn’t remember anything, not really, little foggy memories and ideas of lives before this, of painted nurseries and undercooked hams and missions in snowy communist countries. 

All of those half formed memories seemed much, much more real than her time at the TVA, than whatever illusion of a life she had here. 

With a deep breath, she input the search into the data pad and waited only a few seconds for it to blink upon her screen. She pulled her glasses off slowly and started to watch…

~*~

“Steve! You’ve come back!” 

He takes her hand, holding tightly from the side of the bed. 

“Yeah, Peg, I’m here.”

She could feel the emotion welling up in her chest as she tried to sit up, but he just smiled down at her, leaning forward and helping her sit. Always the gentleman. 

“Easy, Peg,” he whispers, his voice thick with his own emotion. 

“How?” She whispers, reaching up and running her hand over his cheek. She pauses, looking at the dissonance between their skin: his as young as the last time she saw him, and hers, withered and wrinkled with a lifetime lived. 

He lifts her hand from his cheek, holding it in both of his as he sits on the side of her bed, smiling sweetly. “It’s a long story for another day.”

She can’t help but be maudlin, can’t help but say all the things she’s thinking. “I missed you every day, my darling.”

His eyes flutter shut, chin falling to his chest. “I-“

”Don’t apologize,” she whispers, “I came to terms with what you did long ago.” He looks up at her, and this time, his eyes are filled with tears. “Doesn’t mean I didn’t love you, didn’t miss you, every day.”

He swallows, hard, and threads his fingers in with hers. “Didn’t mean to stand you up for our date,” he croaks out, fighting to force a smile. 

Peggy smiles up at him, holding his hand tighter in hers. “You’re here now. you always were just a little late, weren’t you?”

~*~

Loop 300,465

She doesn't think, she just does. Hauhet has learned to trust her intuition in her time with the TVA, but something screams in her that she’s simply remembering now. Something screams to her that this was a skill she had before.

This was something she’d done without thought. 

Agent.

Even the seconds it takes for her to connect the Data pad seem too long. 

She needs to know…

~*~

“Peggy, this is my choice.”

Peggy holds the microphone tight in her hand. She wants to say something, anything, but no words come to her, nothing swells but the feeling of loss, bigger than anything she’s felt in a long time. 

His voice comes through the line, tinny and resigned. “Peggy, I’m gonna need a rain check on that dance.”

”All right,” She takes a deep breath, desperate to hold on to whatever time she has left with him, uncaring of who is still in the room, uncaring of the tears running down her face. “A week next Saturday, at the Stork Club.”

”You got it.” His voice is tight, strained. But not afraid. 

Never afraid. 

Steve has never, for one moment, been afraid of what he’s thought he’s had to do since she’s known him, even when he was small and skinny and jumping on grenades.

”Eight o’clock on the dot,” she continued, trying to take some of his bravery, trying to steal some of his damn assuredness, “don’t you dare be late. Understood?”

”You know I still don’t know how to dance,” he rushes out, his voice starting to shake. She pretends it’s just the shaking of the plane. 

She can’t help but smile, can’t help but think maybe… maybe… if there is a God in this world, he won’t let this good man die on her today. “I’ll show you how,” she rushes out, hoping he can hear how much she needs him, how much she wants him to survive this in her voice. “Just be there.” 

His voice is raising. It’s not much, but she can tell it’s there. Nervousness. “We’ll have the band play something slow.” The ship shakes over the line, the sound of shivering metal something she’s heard before in transmissions just before disaster strikes. “I’d hate to step on your-“

The static, a low rumble in the room, is deafening. 

“Steve?” She pleads across the line. “Steve?”

She’s lost him. 

She can only pray, as the tears fall, that there’s still a chance to find him. 

~*~

Loop 1,475,692

Hauhet sits heavy on the floor of her office.

No, not Hauhet. Peggy Carter. 

Agent Peggy Carter. 

She’d had a life once. 

The memories flood into her, stronger than whatever force is being used to keep her complacent. This day has happened over and over. She sees herself, sitting at that desk, over and over. Hundreds of times. Millions of times. 

More than any sane person could handle, she’s sure, if they could remember. 

But she does remember now. Because she met him in every single branch. Every single universe. Every single timeline. 

Steve Rogers. 

And no matter when or how they met, it felt like home. 

She could feel him, sitting in her heart, like a beacon. She had her own Steve. There was a man with that little boyish lopsided smile and the courage of a lion out there somewhere, waiting for her. 

And she’d been languishing in this pace for millennia, doing the tedious desk work she’d fought so hard to get away from all of her life. 

She hadn’t found her Steve yet, she knew that. None of the branches, none of the stories she had seen so far gave her anything more than a longing. 

She’d feel it when she found him, when she found her timeline and her world. She knew it. 

And as long as this day kept repeating, she’d find him. She’d find their life together. 

They made each other better. Even in the timeliness when they lost one another, even in the timelines when there was only a short period of time left together, they made one another better. 

They were timeless, finding one another again over and over, no matter what the world looked like, no matter when their souls showed up. 

Even if he was gone in her timeline, she wanted to be a place where he was, where he had been and she could find and recover and languish in the memories. 

She was ready to give up this drab, rote existence. 

Saving the universe meant nothing in here. Saving it from out there? With her heels and her gun and the love of her life? 

Well, that was something that had real value, and Peggy was going to stop at nothing to find it. 

Without even thinking she let her hands fly over the wires, connecting her Data pad to the computer. 

She was going to find him, and she was going to get back to him. 

~*~

End A/N: 

While we have our MCU Steggy and What If…? Steggy, I couldn’t HELP but throw in my favorite Steggys in there from my own fic. (Yes, it’s a little *cough*lot*cough* self indulgent) They’re all Extra Scenes that don’t show up in the main fic and they’re inspired by the lyrics to Timeless. In order that they show up in the story:

1- Nobody’s Baby (Two lovers laughin’ on the porch of their first house)

2-The Captain and the Missus (On a Crowded Street in 1944 and you were headed off to fight in the war)

3-What if…? (I would have read your love letters every single night)

4- A Red, White, and Blue Christmas (Which brought me back to the the first time I saw you Time stood still)

5-Interested Parties Series (Indiana Jones Crossover) (Down the block there’s an antique shop)

6- Captain America: The Winter Soldier (Time breaks down your mind and body, don’t you let it touch your soul)

7- Captain America: The First Avenger (Story of a romance Torn Apart by Fate)

[lovefrombegonia]

A Jinx of my mind and an Ekko of my soul

This is going to be a long post about how one Jinx and one Ekko from the Netflix's Arcane made me feel, and basically gave me an existential crisis for a couple of days. This isn't an in-depth analysis, let me warn you. This is much more personal, this is deep in emotions...this is projection of another level. This is my excercise of self-discovery through fiction. It's an introspective excercise I love doing...and sometimes, when the writing is omega-level great...it shows me my darkest fears, and my greatest dreams.

THESE ARE ALL PERSONAL OPINIONS. Fair warning. Also, Spoiler Alerts.

Those who are familiar with my blog, knows that, typically, I would have deeply, deeply fallen in love with a character like Jinx. That's what happens with me and my problematic blorbos. Mad and psychotic killers with great character design is almost always a win-win for me. This is what I thought too, initially, as I started Arcane's first episode. She was a little girl who was physically not strong but was a mad genius who could make deadly bombs out of scraps. An engineer of chaos! And someone with family issues...boi oh boi, I was ready, willing and able to fall for her... But then gradually something unexpected started to happen. I started...disliking her. And you know, that should have started after she killed a bunch of people indiscriminately, right? But no...I think it started much earlier. I think it started with a break down that hit too close to home. It started when Powder was crying and screaming out of desperation and pain when she thought of herself as useless. Someone who couldn't even help save her sister and her friends. Her adoptive father. During that scene, I didn't hate Power. No...let me not be a coward with my feelings here. This is me, raw, vile, and naked. I did hate Powder during that scene. I hated her because that scene hit too close to home. I hated her because how many times, it was me who would cry hysterical, alone in my room, cursing myself, my incompetence, my weakness, I can't even count. It really speaks to the brilliance of Arcane's cast and crew that it just sparked those memories of my despair so cleanly. Then she tries to help her sister and gang with monkey bomb, and it turns out to just make things from bad to worse. The rational side of me sees this and understands that she could not have any idea that things would turn out like this. She was just a child and even an adult could have made those same mistakes. But the emotional side of me watched in horror and hopelessness as her decisions made with intentions to help her family, in the end hurt them so badly and irreversibly. This, too, hit too close to home. Reminding me of when my own decisions had hurt my family in the long run. The guilt and trauma of my failure never went away. Even if my family doesn't blame me, I blame myself. And then...things just went downhill with the rest of the episodes. Visually, Jinx is one of the coolest characters on the show. Her fighting style, her gadgetry, even her mania is shown with so much style and brilliance, it just scratches the aesthetic itch of mine perfectly. Technically, the character writing is fucking superb imo. None of her moments are wasted. Every drop of her tears and every smile, every gesture counts. None of it is wasted. Emotionally, I felt like I was watching a nightmare version of me on-screen. Everything that happened to her is what I fear happening to me. The psychosis. The break-downs. Choosing to follow the wrong person. Choosing validation over people who love me. It's why all her triumphs and victories felt so hollow. Even her most brilliant moment, when she unleashed the missile over the council...felt incredibly painful to me. In my eyes, this was the moment of Jinx's destruction. When Silco called her "perfect", it should have felt like finally getting the validation she needed but instead it felt like getting a stamp of approval to be self-destructive.

Let me be clear: I AM NOT SAYING THIS IS WHAT THE SHOW IS TRYING TO SAY. THIS POST IS ALL ABOUT HOW I FELT THROUGH JINX AS A CHARACTER. I don't want her stans to think that I am slandering her moments of victory and character arc. When I was watching Arcane, Jinx's journey didn't feel like her growing from Powder to Jinx FOR ME, even though I know that's what the writing is about. It felt like Jinx was showing how I could devolve because of my own manic thoughts, insecurities, painful memories and just my fucking depressing af mind that feels like it's trying to eat me away. I cannot express how similar it looked when I saw Jinx losing her mind in isolation. Cooking up scenarios that didn't happen. Or degrading all the memories of the past while catastrophizing. Her shooting the girl who looked like Vi. Her, being petrified by Vi abandoning her. Her, being as a birder by Silco or being abandoned/betrayed by him. Even though, I am an adult now, and I get why people that I love might walk away from me, the fear of it all still eats me from inside. I am afraid. I am despairing. It feels like I can't move on. What scares me even more is one day, meeting a Silco who might or might not genuinely love me but also validates my wish to just destroy everything and everyone around me. To watch the world burn. Because, yes, the thought of letting it all go, and fuck things up feel "cool" and "liberating" and "awesome" but the truth is...the ugly, painful truth is...even then. EVEN FUCKING THEN. INSIDE. I would still me the same miserable lonely fuck... Except this time, I would because the scared miserable lonely fuck who hurts others. It's a nightmare cycle. Jinx is that nightmare cycle. Jinx...Powder...this charming, exhilarating, dynamic character. She is truly an enigma of her own, isn't she. I love her because I can empathize with her suffering and choices. I hate her because I fear that I might end up like her. Jinx is my mirror that I want to look away from but I can't.

This experience of mine with a character is not unique to Jinx. What differs, is the INTENSITY of it all. She stays in my mind. I watch video analysis of her character but I couldn't bring myself to write much about her. It feels too close. Too... familiar. I have talked about the mirror but what about the echo of my conscience? Somehow still keeping me from turning downright mean and unkind?

A very special episode happened in the second half of Arcane. An episode called "Boy Savior". It started with one of the coolest music video intros I have ever seen. I think most of us, who aren't familiar with LoL lore, could still guess this was the return of the little boy, Ekko. He was bound to return, and he was going to be involved with the Fireflies. It wasn't the focus of the episodes but it was clear from a few scenes that, like Jinx, Ekko was also great with gadgetry. His little periscope and audio system he made? So smart and cute, might I add. What I wasn't expecting, is to strangely...be envious of this character. It's natural to admire someone like him. Who, even being in the worst situations, rose as a hero and inspiration for his people. To help the ones left behind in the grand scheme of main characters. But I was already become very attached to him. Not in a blorbos kind of way. Another third secret thing LOL OK, but seriously, I was starting to feel even protective of this character. And no, it isn't just because Ekko has the cool character design, and cool hover board thingie, or even the coolest animation style in the series...those helped! But weren't the key reason. It started with the final fight between Ekko and Jinx. It was highly stylized and paired with great bgm. The animation was popping off!! Damn! Did they deliver with this part of episode. Amidst of all that, my mind all of a sudden went: 'I will never forgive Jinx if she kills Ekko.' After I finished the episode, and was done with the rest of my daily routine, I wondered why I felt so strongly for him. Mind you, I didn't feel the same way when she came close to killing any of the other main characters. Not even Vi, even though, being an eldest sibling myself, I should have felt more kinship with her. But no...it was Ekko. But why? Why him? Why even feel envious of this character who got so much burden on his young shoulders, and he is not even a main character?! It all CLICKED right into place after I watched this video analysis of his character. I understood my envy and my protectiveness for him. It's because Ekko is the kind of character I want to be. This person who can help my family and loved ones in the present. Someone who uses whatever resources they have and the courage, skills and endurance they have to push forward, to bring to the ones they care about. This person who acknowledges their painful past but won't let that stop from becoming someone kind and brave. Someone who works through their loss and shortcomings to bring a brighter light home. He is not a perfect person. He isn't physically strong like Vi or has agency like Jayce or has the strongest morality like Caitlyn but he is still ENOUGH. He still helps in a way that truly matters, his existence matters. He is the strong, sturdy, life-giving tree in the midst of undercity's thick, suffocating atmosphere. He is...Ekko is just...simply beautiful. Just BEAUTIFUL and immaculate in a way no other character in Arcane season 1 is. He is a side character with much lesser screen time but he leaves me with such a deep impression. To me, Ekko is the character that reminds me of the echo of my own conscience soul, pushing me to be a better person than I was yesterday. He is the dream version of myself. And this is why it was hurting me to think of Jinx killing Ekko. Because my emotional side was interpreting it as my nightmare version killing the dream version of myself. My sub-conscious made the connection between Powder/Jinx and Ekko before I even realised.

I cannot praise the writers of Arcane enough to bring out such strong emotions in me. To invoke something so raw and visceral in me. To make me look into myself, to realise my fears and hopes. Almost all the characters in Arcane season 1 are amazing, nuanced, thought-provoking, and simply brilliant. And even among all these diamonds, Jinx and Ekko are so bright to stand out so uniquely... Ah...such beauty in fiction is rare. Be it hate or love. Fear or envy. I cherish them both very dearly.

[romanceyourdemons]

although i am not claiming any kind of direct adaptation between the twilight zone episode “you drive,” christine (1983), and rubber (2010), all three do share a central device—the clear animation but minimal anthropomorphization of a car or car part—and all three generate horror with this device: by calling into question positions of subject and object. a car is the ultimate object. in twentieth and twenty-first century america, it is arguably the most commonly used tool, and certainly one of very few tools commonly perceived as an extension of one’s body, which, in a literary sense, both grants it life and denies it the independent existence a television may seem to have. though so easily deadly it is a standard tool for both suicide and homicide in literature, it is kept inside the home—a point emphasized in both “you drive” and christine (1983). the animation of the car in “you drive” threatens the subject-object relationship of the traditional nuclear family, in which the husband is the subject, the authority and decision-maker, and everything else within the house is an object under his sway. the rebellion of the car, the most objectified of household objects, and the fact that the husband’s authority and abuse thereof, making the whole household complicit in his hit-and-run, is great enough to warrant it hits a deep blow at the comfort the structure of the nuclear family is intended to give. the car in christine (1983) also threatens the nuclear family; however, as used in john carpenter’s previous film halloween (1978), the specific way the figure of the car interacts with the nuclear family is by providing children with a taste of independence from their parents, whether their parents are willing to acknowledge their adulthood or not. the horror of the film lies in its defamiliarizing and therefore highlighting of the fact that isolated adolescents whose parents deny them permission to become adults are vulnerable to those who wish to take advantage of their desire for adulthood. arnie and christine, two props in others’ lives, wrench their joint way into the role of subject, casting away restrictions and safety nets together in their desperation for the unrestrained but destructive freedom of the open road. it is the quintessential open road of the california desert that is the setting of rubber (2010), but the subject-object relationship it challenges is not that of the nuclear family but that of the cinema. most metacinematic films present the relationship between filmmaker, audience, and film subject as a dialogue between filmmaker and audience, with the subject nothing but an arbitrary pretext for this dialogue. this film does the same, initially: the concept of a sentient tire is explicitly framed as arbitrary and unimportant, something that only exists because of the relationship between spectator and director. however, like in cannibal holocaust (1980), like in paranormal activity (2007), like the disappearance of my mother (2019) and like nope (2022), the spectated rises against the two subjects that have objectified it and violently assert their existence outside of a lens and their will outside of a director. it is apt that it is a tire, the most subservient part of the most subservient item in the household vocabulary, that is chosen to disrupt the comfortable, detached director-audience relationship and prove itself to be powerful enough to, in the end, take on hollywood itself. although the stories and exact arguments of “you drive,” christine (1983), and rubber (2010) are different, their central device is rhetorically the same: the greatest fear of a person used to power is that the powerless on whom they rely so intimately they barely even notice their presence will someday choose to make their presence and will known

[travllingbunny]

What is your favourite episode of Buffy The Vampire Slayer and favourite episode of Angel and what are some reasons why?

I can never choose just one.

Once More, With Feeling is, in spite of being unusual because it's a musical (and a rare musical episode that managed to pull it off perfectly) in a way an epitome of Buffy as a show with its mix of humor and darkness, and with its themes and focus on character arcs.

The Wish is one of the best AU stories ever made on TV, and the finale with the multiple deaths is one of the best sequences on the show.

Of the season finales, the greatest ones are the Becoming two-parter and The Gift - both epic, incredible episodes.

And then there's Restless, which is not your typical finale, but it weird, quirky and also full of meaning, a great character study and one of the best portrayals of dreams on screen (as it's one of the very few where dream sequences actually feel like dreams as they are in real life).

Who Are You? is a great character study of Faith, who's one of my favorite characters (and does the body switch trope perfectly). The Body is of course a harrowing realistic portrayal of loss.

But there are several episodes that don't get mentioned that much in the 'best episodes of Buffy' but that are among my favorites: Lie to Me (a perfect episode, and the one that first made me realize Buffy wasn't just a good show but a great show); I Only Have Eyes For You (makes me bowl my eyes every time); Anne (I'm so so about the Sunnydale parts, but the LA parts are the essence of Buffy Summers); Fear Itself (great little Halloween episode with a lot of character insight and an ending both funny and effective); Something Blue (hilarious but also with a lot of foreshadowing and character insight into Willow); Intervention (also hilarious but with real character development for both Buffy and Spike); Dead Things, Villains (very dark and very daring and brilliant episodes that epitomize season 6); Conversations with Dead People (I love the atmosphere in this one - I wish the rest of season 7 had lived up to it).

I probably forgot quite a few. I just love so many episodes of BtVS.

With Angel, If I had to pick, it would probably be either Are You Now Or Have You Ever Been? or Darla. (Reunion, The Trial and Reprise are right there too; I love the Darla season 2 arc.) Sleep Tight and Lullaby are also among my favorites - season 3 is hit and miss, with too many bad standalones, but I love the main arc with Holtz. I also love the season 4 finale, Home. Five by Five is my favorite season 1 episode (Faith tends to be in the best episodes of both shows).

[nerdynikki94]

Mild IASIP S16 Spoilers

Wow... okay, how the fuck am I supposed to be normal about this show?! Guys, when Mac told Charlie about the threat of Mrs. Mac burning them with the car's cigarette lighter, tears just started falling out of my face. I didn't even have time to stop it. I was not ready for a casually abusive trauma drop in between, and used, as a joke from him. Like Mac is so fucked up that he isn't even aware of the abuse.

Growing up, society told him that no one loves a child as much as their parents do, so he told himself that the abuse, the cruelty, the neglect, that was all the greatest, most sublime kind of love he could ever ask for. To be treated with apathy and disgust is what feels like home.

So, from a young age, he clings to religion; it offers him the same kind of outward apathy. That eternal father doesn't reply back, he doesn't respond to Mac's fears and pain. And that community despises him (clearly evident in his own, long-standing homophobia). His paternal, religious figures teach him to hate homosexuals, and thus hate himself. That's home for him.

It's kind of breaking my heart regarding Macdennis. Maybe...they shouldn't be together??

Like, I know even the creators aren't taking these characters stories as seriously as I do. It will probably never be addressed sincerely (and it could only ever work, if Dennis actually showed up for Mac, without fear or hesitation). But the trauma really hits. I wonder, if maybe Mac and Dennis really can't make it work, when Mac's entire definition of love is so warped. He'd never ask anything of Dennis; if their history tells us anything, it's that Mac would gladly accept abuse, and be even kinder to Dennis for it. Which would give Dennis no incentive to change; he hasn't had that kind of growth yet.

And that just, it makes me really fucking sad.

Because, what if Mac only felt so encouraged to love Dennis because, deep down, he knew that Dennis would always possess that cruelty in him?

Still, they felt like old school Macden in these episodes, and I loved that. (Also, the innuendo surrounding them was almost obscene in the premiere - imo.)

So, yeah, maybe Mac did only pull back from Dennis lately because of his overall rejection of Mac in prior seasons. I mean, he clearly still felt something for Dennis in Season 15, but he seems to be done trying. And maybe that's all it is; maybe Mac is just tired of being in love alone.

But...

Maybe, Mac seemed such a goner for Dennis after ND because that unabashed vitriol aimed at him felt like home, the only love he's ever been taught to expect, the only love he feels deserving of?

And now that Dennis has stopped being so cruel, Mac no longer feels like Dennis could love him?

Because now, they're best friends, just like before.

[denimbex1986]

'...June 2007....there’s a near-10-year-old me that still gets scared at certain episodes of What's New, Scooby-Doo...

I’m more than happy to stick to comedies and cartoons, taking every measure imaginable to avoid the horrors of horror.

That is, until an episode of Doctor Who comes on the screen, featuring (or, rather, not really featuring) my Converse-wearing, pinstripe suit-donning idol in David Tennant’s 10th Time Lord, alongside Carey Mulligan’s Sally Sparrow, being hunted down by a group of angel statues out for blood.

That’s right, in the blink of an eye, Blink arrived - and so did my appreciation of what horror could do. (Or, at least, what it could do in a pre-watershed sci-fi series on the BBC - perfect for a fearful primary schooler like myself.)

Sure, this is no kill-heavy slasher in the form of Scream, and no paranormal mind-bender in the shape of The Conjuring, but Blink – perhaps the single most popular episode of the new Doctor Who era – demonstrates the genre’s ability to get under the skin and into the minds of the audience.

And, even with a PG rating and some questionable CGI, it does it masterfully well.

Blink’s greatest strength is its ability to establish a sense of creeping dread, of consistent threat, that is properly unnerving.

The feeling of being watched is one of the most disturbing one can experience, and has been explored throughout horror history - from Michael Myers taunting Laurie Strode from the shadows in 1978’s Halloween to Rory Kinnear’s birthday suit-wearing stalker drifting into the edge of the frame in last year’s Men, there’s very little that unsettles more than being followed.

There’s something mentally exhausting about the idea of never being able to rest, of not being able to drop your guard for even a moment, which can drive you insane - and Steven Moffat’s concrete-looking creations provide the perfect example of this.

You see, with the Weeping Angels, turning your back, trying to run away, or even taking your eye off their haunting expressions for a split second could spell the end of the road - just ask Amy Pond.

In the words of Tennant’s frantic Doctor, "Blink and you’re dead".

Is there any concept more terrifying than having the most basic human action rendered potentially life-threatening? This inescapable danger is draining, debilitating.

As we viewers watch Sally and Finlay Robertson’s Larry Nightingale navigate the nightmare they find themselves in, we grimace each time they turn their heads, and scream at the TV as we spot an angel moving ever closer.

It’s the sort of pulse-racing tension that only the horror genre can provide, and it lingers long in the memory.

Yet director Hettie Macdonald notches up the fear even further, ending the episode by turning her attention from Sally on the screen to us on the sofa at home, repeating Tennant’s iconic speech alongside real-life clips of gargoyles, statues and sculptures to ensure this isn’t just a concept that’s confined to the telly, but one that continues to stick with you even after you hit the big red button on the remote.

I know I, for one, lost many a night’s sleep in the weeks following that episode, as I feared that shutting my eyes to get some shut-eye would spell the end of my time on Earth (stop laughing, I said I was 10), and I’ll still remain resolute whenever I visit a cathedral or graveyard, determined to make sure those creepy creatures don’t get the drop on me. Thanks for that, Moffat.

As if the terror of being tailed from the shadows isn’t unnerving enough, though, the design of the Weeping Angels themselves ensures things are lifted to another level.

Visual effects producer Will Cohen and his team take something that is meant to be reassuring, gentle, holy, and turn it completely on its head.

As the angels switch from passive and peaceful to aggressive and menacing, their demonic faces take up the screen with a look of pure evil, accompanied by a smattering of thunder that still catches me off guard on the 18th watch.

Similar to clowns in the likes of It or dolls in the likes of Chucky, there’s an added shock factor that comes with witnessing something that’s traditionally 'good' going bad. Where once there was joy, there’s now malice, a threat - and if good can turn against you, what can’t?

All of this is hammered home by the fantastic leading performance from Mulligan. Through Sally, we see an everyday protagonist thrown directly into hell. We could easily be Sally ourselves, confused, overwhelmed and completely out of our depth, making it easy to properly experience these horrors through her.

Like the aforementioned Laurie in Halloween or Sidney Prescott in the Scream franchise, Sparrow is in no way prepared for her journey, an ordinary person in an extraordinary scenario, who’s unable to fully rely on a hero’s help - instead having to find her own way out of trouble.

And Mulligan delivers the twists and turns of this torturous 45 minutes with all of the nuance you’d expect from a future Oscar nominee.

Yet, what makes Blink truly special is that it delivers all of these thrills, scares and mental scars without the need for excessive blood splatters or easy cliches.

Through the simple combination of a killer script, top performances and a toe-curlingly terrifying concept, this beloved episode of Doctor Who provides everything horror has to offer, all without leaving the confines of a PG rating.

It may have come out 16 years ago now (yes, it is really that long ago), but Blink is still the ideal introduction to the genre - and a perfect Halloween watch, if you’re too scared to see Saw.'

[killakillabangbang]

In dark side of the moon, Dean's pain and hurt isn't extending from a wounded ego for Sam wanting something else for his life.

This isn't Sam being a dunce and hurting Dean's sensitivities. It's undoing the foundation of their relationship. At this point in the series Sam and Dean are actually in a pretty good State. Dean's understanding that Sam's addiction is just that, an addiction. They've been completely honest with one another since separating and reuniting and it's not seamless or easy but they're working towards a good place. Overcoming hurdles together, finding solutions as a unit, relearning trust. All good things when in the context of healing. After a huge moment like famine for both Sam and Dean it's understandable why their already unstable beliefs in themselves and each other are questioned. Why faith is questioned. But that question was at least for Dean never about his love for Sam. And that's the difference.

Nothing about Sam's heaven has anything at all to do Dean or family. He's not even aware there's anything wrong, he thinks it's a dream.

Dean's life being so family centric and Sam's being every time he successfully abandoned Dean isn't just theoretical anymore it's plain old facts. There's no interpretation for a side where he ever saw Dean as more than an extension of his father to Sam.

To Sam it was him against everyone. Him against the world and no one and nothing would ever understand the loneliness or hopelessness. Except the kid sitting right next to him. Dean raised him so closely he never saw Dean as a brother. He saw him as a force United with dad that wanted him to obey and not question because that's what Dean did.

But Dean had questions! He had doubts! And fears! He had hopes and dreams of his own and believed in love and it's power to overcome but he chose to suffer in silence. Because what would be the point of trying to shout over Sam and John. Who would listen to him without trying to get him on their side. Who would use the memory of his mother against him today? Who would throw spiteful barbs at him that day? John wouldn't have given the car if he knew that's how he'd keep it up, right? Sam wouldn't have to yell at dad if his perfect little soldier just stood up for himself, right?

The truth is Dean was comforting his family his whole life even in his memory with Mary he consoled her. At four years old he had the wherewithal to understand what was happening and what to do. That kind of love is bone deep. It's the type of memory that proves who you are. Proves character. And what does Sam do? Instead of words of communion or fraternity, Sam says, "I just did realize how long you'd been cleaning up Dad's messes."

He admonishes him for being 4 and loving his parents. But he at 11 can't help choosing a strangers home and family.

And then there's Flagstaff.

John beat the fuck out of Dean here right? We can all see the signs? We can see the way his hands tighten and the dawning horror that this is in Sam's greatest hits. And let's just say he didn't. What do you all think John Motherfucking Winchester said to Dean for losing his son? What words do you think he used? How many ways did he call Dean useless? Stupid? incompetent?

How many times did John twist the knife in Dean's chest? Can you imagine?

And Sam never thought of it like that. He never considered Dean. Not his safety, not his health.

And then the night of Stanford? Unbelievable.

And Sam had the balls to say "I never got the crusts cut off on my sandwich. I just don't think of family like you do."

Sam he was 4. He saw the flames Sam. He was raised to put Sam first ahead of his own happiness and dreams and Sam turning around and throwing it in his face is mean. Sam's just mean in this episode and he's right when he says it's not about what he does it's who he is. This is who Sam thinks he is to his deepest foundations. But the grand old unspoken truth is that they do share Heaven. That ultimately in life their lives are for one another and Sam's true heaven after the road of memories is Dean. And that's the big sad here.

This episode isn't about Dean's hurt feelings at being second choice or even third choice. It's about Dean's realization that he's never been anyone's priority ever. Not John's. Not Sam's. And ultimately not even Mary's.

Unless Dean is actually literally dying in front of them, they couldn't give a crap, and don't.

Tossing the Samulet is Dean's finally admitting that to himself. It's Dean choosing his feelings and pain over family. It's a white flag to the universe saying ok, God ain't shit, John ain't shit, Sam ain't shit, I give up. How long can Dean have faith that his love matters? A love and longing that got him through a childhood of horror, 4 years with John, and 4 decades of hell. A love he wasted his life on, sacrificed his love life for, sold his soul for, and died for. None of it mattered. None of it counted.

[galaxysharks]

Right so you've given us the bad aftermath of HSM4.

I would like to know if you have any HC for after the Docu series came out?? 🤔

CONVENIENT SEGUE INTO WHUMPTOBER!

THANKS OLLI!

Prompt: Alt. Prompt 1 - Bloody Knuckles

As much as they would all like to ditch and go home, Corbin kindly reminded them that this bit of promotion was in the contract specifically, and they did have to sit through it.

So with that announcement, back to the seats they went. Ash and Carlos were flustered, Biggie had been working, and Seb was out of cell range. Kourtney seemed....ok? EJ just looked tired and both siblings were pointedly looking at the ceiling.

Ricky and Gina seemed just fine though, so whatever?

And it's........ mostly ok?

I mean super overdramatized, and so little is actually focused on the production, but it's about what you would expect from an early 2000s teen reality show, so at least it's on brand.

This showing was for 'the first four episodes'.

Channing, and way more hidden cameras than they were informed of, made sure to display everyone's greatest hits:

"She probably has some Super Cool camp traditions..."

"Guys! Am I Susan Fine?"

"cause I'm pretty sure the sibling that's being punished is me!"

"it's because of the lust"

"Well in My experience, Val likes to read letters that aren't for her!"

So besides having to relive the worst moments of the summer, they were fine.

As the fourth episode wrapped up and the wildcats were getting ready to leave, the credits paused and the trailer for the second half of the series began to play.

And again, misleading and annoying, but mostly fine....

Until.....

The camera shifted focus, showing Maddox and Emmy, sitting just outside of the Honeycomb, Emmy looks exhausted, and Maddie is speaking softly with her.

Suddenly the camera shifts and now Maddox is alone, standing in the woods. She is pacing, back and forth, arms picking at and pulling her arms, silent tears rolling down her face.

She paces and paces, before rapidly spinning and throwing her fist into one of the trees. It's barks splits and flakes off, taking the skin of her knuckles with it, and sending a shard of bone out of her hand.

The Maddie on screen walks off, bloody fist still clutched and clearly still agitated, as the images change to a clip of a frightened Jet, who had spied one of the dangerous snakes and had gone to get his sister.

The clip was layered by a sound bite from Jet talking to Ricky in the bunks, "yeah, my dad's.....not great, he gets mad a lot and trust me, it's better to just not be home...."

The Wildcats are concerned, the trailer made it look like Jet was running from Maddox, not to her, and now she looks incredibly violent.....

The siblings were frozen staring at the screen, Jet in disbelief, and Maddie in abstract fear as she saw how much she looked like their father when angry....

The viewing was silent.

The audience were now all looking at Maddox like she was some kind of time bomb, some even pulling their kids behind them, as though the temper from the trailer would possess her in the moment and set her off.

Just as the tension had slowly started to clear, Maddox's phone rang......'Dad'.

Oh Fuck.

[224bbaker]

I just found this podcast today; I've listened to all of season 1 straight through, and I'm listening to the Q&A right now. I'm really enjoying listening to the cast and writers talking about the characters and their approaches to them. I mean, everything just hits perfectly.

There are ways in which I relate to all the team members, but Madge especially reminds me of my younger self, with her high level of sexual energy, which she shares so generously. In the Q&A, they seemed to be having trouble coming up with terms to describe her sexuality. The word I used for myself in those days was "ambisextrous."

Most of the series has been light, and funny, and fun. The latter part of episode 8 was a whole other thing, with the breakdown of the characters and the relationships, and the beginning of their reconstruction. Props to everyone involved, because it was absolutely harrowing and absolutely accurate. As someone who's experienced that kind of emotional trauma, there was a part of me that wanted to just bail on the episode, but my experience also knows that the only way out is through. And I'm glad I stuck with it.

I'm really looking forward to season 2, and meanwhile, I'm glad you're promoting so many other cool stories to listen to.

Thanks for everything.

PS: I love that Ambrosius is being played by an actual cat. I grew up in a house that was literally full of cats, and ever since, no place is home that doesn't have cats in it. 😺

Oh wow. We’re just never quite prepared for getting lovely messages like this, to be honest. The greatest thing in the world for creators is knowing that the thing you made reached someone and had an effect—especially the stuff you were really worried about trying creatively!

You can probably tell in the Q&As that we were really torn about the tonal line this very silly comedy was walking toward the end of the season, wondering if we were, as we were trying to do, using comedy as a tool to allow our audience to open up to these characters and their internal lives to then go a bit deeper, or just pushing it over the line from comedy into something decidedly less fun. We always worried we might lose people in episode 8, and we’ve been so touched to hear that hasn’t been the case. The widespread embracing of these silly characters and their hopes, fears, and insecurities is something we will treasure forever—especially because so much of it stems from our own hopes, fears, and insecurities. And Madge is so much an extension and catharsis of

We promise things will still be very silly in season 2, I don’t mean this to indicate we’re not a comedy anymore because there is SO much silliness. But one of our mission statements as creators, and something the medium has allowed is to explore, is that we believe comedy has just as much to say as drama, and that just because you’re laughing doesn’t mean you can’t feel seen, or experience catharsis, or learn something about yourself. It’s all an experiment that you’ve joined us on the ride for, and thank you (and the rest of our listeners) for being so open, curious, and kindhearted.

Also, ALL IN ONE DAY???? Insane respect thank you for your dedication!

[girl4music]

Can I just talk about this scene for a hot minute? I don’t think people realize how important it really is for more than just the first on-screen kiss part of it and therefore why it actually belongs in this episode.

Willow is hyper-fixating on what type of clothing she’s going to wear to meet Buffy at the hospital, as it’s really the only thing she can control right now as everything else is falling apart around her. Her mind is panicking as she tries to think of all the meanings a piece of cloth can have while Tara tries to reassure her that it really doesn’t matter what she wears. But Willow is not listening as she tries to figure it all out.

Willow is near to having a full blown panic attack in this scene. There is such turmoil going on in her head. So much distress and fear. So she externalises those emotions and those thoughts by worrying over what she should wear because that’s tangible. That’s something she has within her reach to grasp on to. Something she can control. She’s projecting the mental chaos. A way of dealing with an uncontrollable situation. And it’s bloody brillIant. Incredibly well performed by Alyson Hannigan. She absolutely nails what it’s like to experience deep levels of anxiety. The compulsive overthinking The intense feelings of loss of control. The hyperventilating. The shaking. The trembling. The crying. The worrying. The wandering back and forth. The physical freezing up. The none-deciding or non-concluding and around and around again. Over and over again. Just the complete irresolution of the whole experience of an anxiety attack. Until someone takes you out of your fucking insane chaotic head.

SHE NAILS IT!!!

Everything is so well performed, written, directed and produced in this episode. It’s probably the greatest piece of performance art I have ever seen in my life. But THIS scene. This scene hits fucking home for me. Gellar gets A LOT of praise for her performance and rightly so. But Hannigan’s is just as fantastic to me because she realistically portrays OCD the way Gellar realistically portrays PTSD. Through the experience of visceral reactions. In fact all the actors are really good at portraying deep levels of complex trauma all throughout ‘The Body’ that are worth mentioning and meriting. Praising.

Regarding ‘The Kiss’.

A lot of people do not like that Tillow’s first on-screen kiss was in this episode because it can’t be enjoyed in the same way it could if it was in another episode and thus it seems inappropriate to have it in ‘The Body’. Joss said that actually it was appropriate to put it here because it humanises their romantic/sexual relationship. It’s the way Tara just goes in for the kiss after first kissing her forehead, knowing it’s not going to be enough to calm her girlfriend down and the way Willow readily accepts. It’s a sweet kiss. One filled with compassion and reassurance. I disagree that it didn’t belong here. I definitely think this was the right way to have their first on-screen kiss because this couple is absolutely encapsulated in mutual validation. So it’s only right that their first on-screen kiss be used for that purpose. Validation.

Tara’s aim is to comfort Willow, not to overstep her boundaries. Willow needs her presence all around her to take her out of her chaotic head. It’s being in her head that is triggering her anxiety to escalate into a panic attack. Tara intuitively knew that she needed to pull her away from that and the only way to do it was through physical sensation. It was right. When you kiss someone, you’re pulling their energy into yours and you’re transferring yours to theirs. I can imagine that Empaths are great lovers because of this and while it’s been pointed out that Tara isn’t an Empath herself, she clearly possesses the potential to be one because she can read energy and instinctively knows how to use her own energy to comfort and to validate someone else’s energy.

That’s your basic definition and purpose of an Empath. To take away pain or negative energy through absorbing it into yourself. And Tara doesn’t just do that for Willow - her girlfriend. She does it for the others too. And ‘The Body’ best depicts her skill of empathy. If it was anyone else, yeah, maybe the kiss wouldn’t have been a good idea to put here. But because it is, I think it really works that it is here because it’s who Tara Maclay is. It’s her purpose in serving a narrative that doesn’t revolve around her but effectively makes her stand out among the rest. It wasn’t in bad taste to put their first kiss here. Quite the opposite. It humanises same-sex love.

[spenglercore]

For the asks, fear with Vic and break with Vic, Piotr, and Ilse

Also I know I say this all the time but I literally adore your ocs so much, I would die for them 🩷

AAA ty, I'm glad you like my disobedient brain children! :3

From this list!

Fear: What is your OC's greatest fear? What do they do when confronted with it? Are they open with their fear, or do they hide it away?

For Victoria, her greatest fear is abandonment. Being a GNC bisexual woman in academia in the 70s and 80s means that any community she managed to find almost always turned on her if she revealed her sexual orientation or didn't act like a 'proper woman'. Her parents were also abusive and didn't approve of her for the same reasons, to the point that when they found out she's bi, they disowned her. This is also why she's not open with her fears, being emotionally vulnerable was a punishable offense growing up so she learned at a fairly young age to do her best to wall off her deepest thoughts and feelings.

Break: What would cause your OC to break down completely? What do they look like when that happens? Has anyone ever seen them at their lowest?

For Piotr - He's a really emotional person to start with, and the man has a heart of gold who will not hesitate to help others with anything, if he's able. He tends to internalize things both out of guilt and a sense that he needs to be the primary breadwinner for his wife and son not just because that's how he was raised, but also because he genuinely wants to provide for them.

During his time in the Army as a tank mechanic deployed in Vietnam, there is an incident where he kills an enemy soldier with a hammer in self-defense. Once he's back home after a medical discharge, the memory starts to haunt him, and he quickly becomes withdrawn and distant. Eventually, he reaches a point where he's having dissociative episodes and during one of them, Ilse finally asks what happened while he was deployed. At which point he finally breaks down and he just collapses against her and cries a lot, and goes on and on about the intense guilt he feels for taking a life, even if it was in defense of his own.

More under the break; cw for mention of self harm.

For Ilse - If she ever lost Piotr, that would break her. Not only because he's her husband and the father of her son, but because they were friends from the time she was twelve. And being that he's in the army and actively deployed in both Korea and Vietnam, she is aware that she could get a letter in the mail at any time saying that her best friend will never be coming home. But knowing that's a possibility and actually getting that letter are very different things. At first she'd go catatonic while she processes the fact that she'll never see him again. And while she does cry whenever she has to tell her son the news, she doesn't actually break down till she's alone. The full breakdown is mostly a lot of sobbing while she lays on his side of the bed in attempt to find some for of comfort amid the sense of loss and grief.

For Victoria - Being abandoned by someone she actually opened up to would absolutely destroy her, especially if it happened without warning, like they just up and left with no explanation. The breakdown wouldn't be immediate; she has existing abandonment trauma and an extremely low opinion of herself due to a lifetime of being told she's not good enough, so initially she'd try to shrug it off as an inevitability that she just has to accept. But it would only take a few days for her to hit a point where she can't keep the lid on her emotions anymore, at which point she'd just get angry. Not at the person who left, but at herself for trusting them. A breakdown for her would consist of a lot of screaming and hitting things until her hands are bloody and bones possibly broken. After she wears out the burst initial burst of anger, she would sink into a depression where she actively pushes people away from her by lashing out both physically and verbally, from a place that's halfway between 'hurt them before they can hurt you' and 'show them the monster you are right up front'.

[chorusfm]

Liner Notes (May 18th, 2024)

Buckle up—we have a lot to discuss this week. This week’s supporter Q&A post can be found here. If you’d like this newsletter delivered to your inbox each week (it’s free and available to everyone), you can sign up here. A Few Things * One of the recent member-only episodes of the ATP podcast was all about “computer origin stories” or “first computer memories.” I’m roughly the same age as Casey and Marco and their core memories and histories mirrored mine quite a bit. And hearing them talk about their origin stories had me thinking about mine. My first memory of seeing a computer was in first grade when there was a computer in the elementary school library. Maybe an Apple IIGS? It was too long ago and I don’t know for sure. But a found family film makes it pretty clear I spent time with it. (Cool haircut first grade Jason.) I remember playing games like Carmen Sandiego. However, it wasn’t until middle school that my memories of using a computer start to solidify. I can remember vividly the computer labs at Twality Middle School. This is where I can remember my obsession beginning. At some point my parents bought a home computer for “the family.” It was a PC running DOS and Windows 3.1. Look, I’m very clearly old. I’m 41 and remember typing book reports on a typewriter before that computer. And this is when my obsession went into overdrive. I liked playing video games, what kid didn’t?, but I loved trying to figure out how all the software worked. I wanted to learn all the tips and tricks. I wanted to know how the system worked. Which meant I broke that computer. A lot. A lot a lot. I re-installed Windows on that thing from floppy disks more times than I can count. And this was where I first started playing around with Qbasic and did my first “programming.” My first memory of seeing the “internet” was at OMSI. My mom used to take my cousin and me there during summer vacation, and they had a computer lab. I remember downloading Simpsons WAV files and Dark Forces cheat codes, so this would have had to be around 1995, and I would have been around 14. At some point, breaking the family computer became a thing my parents got sick of, and my grandparents helped them purchase my own. Windows 95 and having my computer is where the already probably unhealthy technology obsession went supersonic. And this would be when I started playing around with HTML for the first time and soon after would begin writing what would turn into AbsolutePunk. That’s, best I can remember, my computing origin story. High school was primarily spent tinkering with PCs, installing various Linux distros, and using Windows throughout college. It wouldn’t be until around 2010 that I bought my first Mac. But, that’s probably a story for another time. * Anadivine was one of the hidden gems of the early 2000s scene, and they released a new 2024 remix/remaster of their album, Zoo_. It sounds great, and even if you never checked them out back in the day, it holds up all these years later. Also, if any labels read this and are interested in doing a limited vinyl pressing of the album, I can put you in contact with the band. Just let me know. * Aaron Mook, a contributor to AbsolutePunk and Chorus, has launched a GoFundMe to raise emergency medical funds for his cat. Please take a look if you’re able. In Case You Missed It * Review: Dua Lipa – Radical Optimism * Review: Keane – Hopes & Fears * Review: Broadway Calls – Coming After You * Review: Cold Years – A Different Life * Rise Against Announce New Tour * The Blood Brothers Announce Tour * Interview: Tony Lovato of Mest * The Used Announce B-Side Album * Alice Wallace – “Imposter” (Video Premiere) * Head Automatica – “Bear the Cross” * One OK Rock Announce World Tour * Avril Lavigne Announces Greatest Hits Album * Albums in Stores – May 17th, 2024 Music Thoughts * Lot’s of music to catch up on! Origami Angel released a new single, and it rules. I’m absolutely ready for a new Gami album. Their last… https://chorus.fm/features/articles/liner-notes-may-18th-2024/

[glossolali]

TLOVM Watch Party EP 2 Summary:

- Matt (and Marisha) voiced many many background NPCs

- Scottish David Tennant is Matt's favorite

- Felicia Day wasn't told what she's voicing but she did great as the leader of the army, but she got burned - Bye Felicia!

- Liam and Marisha were instrumental in creating the intro, and it's beautiful!

- Emon's design looks tiring to climb with full plate armor, but there's a magical elevator

- Indira and Stephanie are incredible for Allura and Kima - Indira Varma recorded in her closet, David Tennant recorded in his attic

- Trinket (Matt) had to be there in the room for all the group recordings to do his voice

- There's a contractual minimum for the number of chest hairs on Scanlan, they think it's 6 right now, and every season he gets a 10% boost (LMAO)

- In early designs Gilmore was a little skinnier, and Matt asked for him to be larger and says "he's a big beautiful boy"

- Another Matt NPC sighting! Matt says "I am Exandria's cabbage man"

- Another one of Marisha and Laura's glorious belches, Matt thinks it's an air elemental plane rift or something

- Grog is so cute

- Grog's sandwich used to be way grosser and included human body parts, but they decided to go with a 'nice sandwich' instead

- The painting is so absurd [the tiefling portal painting in Krieg's home] and it's perfect

- David Tennant is SO good! He's makes a great bad guy

- Liam is so good at the sardonic Vax delivery

- Lots of deep cuts like Painter Jameson, and some they ask for, some the design team put in themselves

- In Japan, they had to blur the troll dick (LOL)

- Benefit of finishing a campaign is they can leave Easter eggs and storylines hanging to tie up at a later time

- Vax telling Scanlan to shut up is actually just Liam saying "Shut the fuck up Sam!"

- Stepping away from cartoon violence and making it visceral comes from being a huge admirer and fan of anime, important for the characters to feel like they're in danger, there are consequences to their actions, and it's an adult show

- Percy's Naruto run was completely on purpose!!

- Grog raging was incredible and it was actually the first hit he successfully lands in the first 2 episodes

- About Vax flipping the blood coin into the dragon lair and "We got them, kid." Liam takes lines and makes them sound so good

- Grog's blood looked like dookie at first but they decided to keep that for another episode (lol)

- The Briarwood's carriage design is really great, it looks like a skull with wheels

- We love this show! Hope everyone does too

- End credits have beautiful painted backgrounds, please watch them!

Q&A:

Q: How did you adapt the early part of the stream to this show?

Matt: Characters aren't fully established as heroes, or don't know each other that well, so the Briarwood's arc is a great jumping off point for the show. Initially had a mind control arc that showed each character's greatest fears that just didn't work that well

Q: How did you assemble the show's cast?

Travis & Matt: We made a dream wishlist!

Sam: Vin Diesel said no (joke), but we got a lot of our first choices and they loved how the show became the show, and the love and support of the critters is what made the show - they connected to that story and wanted to be part of their dream

Matt: I can't wait to meet these people in real life and cry in front of them

Sam: Voice actors said "Your fans are awesome!" they felt the critter hug for sure

Matt: My Grandma and Grandpa loved the show, but I can't stop thinking about how they've now listened to Sam sing about anal beads

Everyone: it's fine all grandparents have seen balls (and then they lose it for 5 minutes)

Q: The Dragon design!

Travis: Important for us to have a unique and scary dragon that wasn't like any other dragon in media, was a fun process to workshop it

Q: How much is improv, how much is not?

Sam: We didn't have to improvise much but when we're in the same room it happened naturally, characterisations didn't really change - had to worry about acting instead of just saying it in character on the table

Matt: All scripts get tweaked by everyone so that the character's voice is more like they imagine, despite the writers being amazing, since we've all lived in these characters for so long

Q: Were the rolls honored in the show?

Travis & Matt: Just honoring story beats that make sense and were exciting like Vax's Nat 20 with the dragon fight, or a goof being a 3 and creating a fun situation

Q: Let's talk about Gilmore's Glorious Goods and the glorious zaddy himself!

Matt: The catwalk and dressing rooms on the top floor are so great

Easter eggs: Witch's Hat, The Broom, Sam's Flask

I was really precious about finding the right Gilmore, and Sunil is the perfect casting!

[sortasirius]

“Despair” and Dean and Cas

Well well well, winning is my favorite thing.

As usual, this is going to be as long as hell. And fair warning, it’s extremely emotional.

So here it is, the thing that we have been barrelling towards for years, literally years.

Just want to point out this.  Also, I will NEVER allow someone to speak negatively about this writing group, EVER.

Team Free Dads starting off the episode is so sweet, so scary.  Cas’ calming, Dean’s fear, Sam’s desperation, really just hammering home how much they love Jack, how his pain is pain for them, how losing him is unbearable.

“I can’t stop this.  I’m coming apart.  I don’t want to hurt you.  Don’t let me hurt you.”

Oof.  If you’ve ever question whether Jack is a Winchester, this line should shut that shit down for you.

When I tell you I was PISSED when Billie sent Jack to the Empty to EXPLODE?????  PAIN.

“Yeah the Empty can’t come to earth, not without being summoned.”

Hello Bobo, clue number 1.

The fact that they only had Jack in limbo for like five seconds was great for my heart health, thank u very much Bobo.

Also Dean wielding Death’s scythe?????? KING?????

Man, Sam and Dean’s growth.  The way that they’re able to, idk, actually speak on how they feel without death looming or fear or pain.  It’s just a conversation, just an honest conversation of Dean admitting his mistakes, admitting how he felt.  Admitting that he fucked up, and Sam forgiving him for it.

CHARLIE AND HER GF CHARLIE AND HER GF CHARLIE AND HER GF

Also...hunters and their “dates.”  Two hunters who are happily together, who are happily fighting monsters.  Hm.  Sounds like a Saileen/Destiel parallel to me boys.

You ever wish Cas would look and the mirror and take the great advice he gives others?  Because I do.  He’s always tried to be “useful” for Sam and Dean, for Jack, always tried to make sure that he’s useful enough that they keep him around.  But what he doesn’t understand, what he’s never understood, is that they need him because of who he is, not because of what he contributes.

Remind y’all of anything?

And here we have Clue Number 2

And then, Sam’s realization.  Eileen.

Did I begin full tilt screaming no in my apartment when he said her name?  Who’s to say?

How can a lock screen cause me this much pain????

Okay but: Charlie loses Stevie, Sam loses Eileen.  Clue Number 3.

I feel like I don’t talk enough about how much Sam loves Eileen.  About how obvious it is that they are endgame, about how happy he is when he talks about her.  This just feels like a blow to the stomach, but we’ve barely even started.

Sam immediately shifting into protective leader mode?  He is the love of my life.

Dean’s simple nod, like it’s a given?  Enough to do me in right there.

This is another episode where it’s just so clear that Sam is the leader of the North American hunters.  Everyone knows him, everyone is willing to follow him.  He’s knowledgeable and kind and fair and just and an incredibly capable fighter.  Once again, I don’t believe his work on earth is done.

Can we also please talk about how FRIGHTENING IT WAS for Jack to kill that plant???  I don’t really have much of a comment on it because I was literally just like ?????

With Billie saying that it’s Chuck, the way that people were dusted, very similar to Becky and Amara, I honestly wouldn’t be surprised, especially with Donna getting taken off the board.  It’s like I said last week, I don’t buy that he’s taken himself off the board, he’s too invested in the unraveling of this story to take a step back.  He’s gotta break them before he can defeat them, that’s the only way.

And here we go, into one of the most painful and surreal things I will ever write about.

Dean’s speech.  His guilt, his regret.  The shame of not only trapping himself, but the pain, the horror of trapping Cas.

“I just lead us into another trap.  All because I, I couldn’t hurt Chuck.  Because I was angry and because I just needed something to kill, and because that’s all I know how to do.”

“Dean-”

“It was Chuck all along.  We never should have left Sam and Jack, we should be there with them now.  Everybody’s gonna die, Cas.  Everybody.  I can’t stop it.”

His narrative arc.  Tied up in a bow.

“She’s gonna get through that door.”

“I know.”

“And she’s gonna kill you and then she’s gonna kill me.  I’m sorry.”

Cas smiles.

Cas knows.  He knows what’ll get them out of this, and he knows that he would do anything in this Universe for Dean Winchester. The human man he fell for.

“When Jack was dying, I made a deal to save him.”

“You what?”

“The price was my life.  When I experienced a moment of true happiness, the Empty would be summoned and it would take me forever.”

“Why are you telling me this now?”

“I always wondered, ever since I took that burden, that curse, I’ve wondered what it could be, what my true happiness could even look like.  I never found an answer, because the one thing I want, it’s something I know I can’t have. 

“But I think I know, I think I know now...happiness isn’t in the having, it’s in just being.  It’s in just saying it.”

“What are you talking about, man?”

The most selfless thing Cas does in this, and he does a lot of selfless things, is to tell Dean Winchester how impossibly good he is.  To tell him that he is worthy, to tell him that he is adored.

“I know, I know how you see yourself, Dean.  You see yourself the same way our enemies see you.  You’re destructive and you’re angry and you’re broken and you’re daddy’s blunt instrument.  And you think that hate and anger, that’s what drives you, that’s who you are.  It’s not.  And everyone who knows you sees it, and everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for love.  You raise your little brother for love, you fought for this whole world for love.  That is who you are.

“You’re the most caring man on earth.  You are the most selfless, loving human being I will ever know.  You know, ever since we met, ever since I pulled you outta Hell...knowing you has changed me.

“Because you cared, I cared.  I cared about you, I cared about Sam, I cared about Jack, I cared about the whole world because of you. 

“You changed me, Dean.”

“Why does this sound like a goodbye?”

Dean’s greatest fear. His fear of those loving him leaving him. The terror of being alone.

“Because it is.

The head shake.  Don’t love me.  Don’t love me if it means you’ll leave me, don’t love me, everyone I love leaves me.  Don’t leave me.  Don’t love me.  Don’t leave me.

“Don’t do this, Cas.”

Just like I always thought.  One last look at Dean before the Empty takes him.

“Cas-”

“Goodbye Dean.”

And Dean is left, broken on the floor, unable to answer Sam’s calls, unable to do anything.  It doesn’t matter to him that Chuck has wiped everyone out, it doesn’t matter to him that Sam and Jack might need him.  It doesn’t matter.  It doesn’t matter, because the thing that mattered still hangs on his lips, still waiting to be said, and now he won’t get another chance to say it.

The fact that I am writing this, even with all my spec, with all my analysis of the writers’ room, of their text, of the way Dabb and co had approached this story, nothing could have ever prepared me for this.  Nothing could have prepared me for a three and a half minute, uninterrupted scene where Cas confesses not only that he loves Dean, but that he has always loved him.

I talk a lot about how these writers don’t get the credit they deserve.  Unfortunately, from most of this fandom, they never will.  We will likely never know the fights with the network they had, the steps backward they had to take, the way they had to beg and fight and claw to get this on the screen.  But they did it.  They did it for these characters, they did it for this dinosaur of a show, and yeah, they did it for us.

It was not easy, I can promise you, to get this greenlit.  They had to fight for this, they likely had to call in favors and make threats and quite literally put their careers on the line (you may scoff at that, but WB is a BIG company, especially in the TV/movie world) for this story.  This story of Dean and Cas, the man dragged out of Hell and the angel who fell for him.

I have tons more to say, and will likely have several more posts about this, but I want to leave all my babes who are worried that that was the end for Dean and Cas with some takeaways.

Sam is missing Eileen.  Dean is missing Cas.  That is no longer a fun subtextual parallel, that is it for them.  Their respective endgames are missing, and they will not know their peace until they get them back.  Chuck will not win.  That’s not the story being told, and right now?  He’s winning.  He’s broken them, left them with nothing, left them with an empty world and a hole in each of their hearts where their person (or angel) used to be.

Our show is going to end with “contentment.”  “Contentment” isn’t from Sam and Dean being filled with grief and hitting the open road.  It isn’t Sam getting Eileen back and leaving Dean with no one.  “Contentment” is Sam and Eileen, Dean and Cas.  Together.